#and very soon after visiting ny family? who could have guessed!

[pajulintu]

Well well well. An actual depressive episode?

[let-me-write-shit]

Like We Used To: 16

A/N: I’m super excited for the next chapter! Enjoy, and let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in upcoming chapters. :) <3

[Click here for previous chapters]

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CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Jet lag was beginning to hit Elizabeth pretty hard on Monday as she had found herself awake at 3 AM. Luckily because of the time difference it meant that her family and friends were awake. She had decided to facetime Matt and her family for a bit, updating them on the happenings before taking a shower. Since Harry was still sleeping, she used the hall bathroom to avoid waking him, and turned the hot water up as much as she could without burning her skin.

The steam rose to her face, instantly relaxing her as she thought about her two and a half days in LA so far. After leaving the first round of interviews with Harry, Elizabeth had met up with Mitch, Sarah, and Adam who were venturing the streets of downtown LA. No one had recognized them without Harry, so they were able to do a fair share of shopping and got to know Elizabeth a bit more. She felt confident in saying that Mitch and Sarah were going to be very close friends with her, and Adam was so funny and kind. You got a sense of family when you were around him.

Elizabeth was comfortable enough around Mitch to whine that he didn’t warn her about the songs Harry had been writing about her and her friends. She tried prodding him for more details, but he didn’t utter a single hint as to what it was all about. As annoying as that was, she had to commend his loyalty. At least he’d never leak anything to the press. He was a true friend.

She stayed with them for the rest of the day, realizing that she didn’t have a key to Harry’s house, until Harry was done with the interviews and prep for the day. He had picked her up from Sarah and Mitch’s hotel, before taking her back to his house where they made dinner together, watched a few movies, and ended the night with a bang. Luckily the only thing on the agenda for Harry and his band mates was a bit of studio time first thing, then they were free for the rest of the day.

By the time she had finished her shower the sun was finally rising. Elizabeth wrapped the towel around her body tightly as she sauntered back towards Harry’s room to grab her clothes. She was right outside the door when she thought she could hear voices from inside.

“Harry?” She called out, pushing the door open, “Are you awake?” As soon as the door opened she saw Harry sitting up in his bed, shirtless and on the phone. She mouthed a ‘sorry’, quietly heading towards her bag of clothes.

She heard a woman on the other end of the line say, “What was that? Do you have a girl with you? That’s just disgusting, why are you talking on the phone with me when you have a girl over?”

Elizabeth cringed at Harry, unsure of who he was talking to but positive that it was probably awkward. But Harry just laughed, “It’s Lizzy Miller.”

“Lizzy Miller? Who’s ….Wait, LIZZY? From school?”

Elizabeth stopped attempting to search for clothes and stared over at Harry, confused. Who the hell could he be talking to that knows her from her teenage years? Because she had just gotten off the phone with Celeste and Kate, so it couldn’t be them.

Harry chuckled at the caller's response, “Yes, that’s the one! She’s visiting me for the week.”

Elizabeth scoffed and the person on the phone continued to shout excitedly, which made it hard for her to make out what they were saying. Eventually Harry pulled the phone away and looked over at Elizabeth.

“It’s my mom. She wants me to tell you hello and that she misses you loads,” Harry said.

Elizabeth clapped her hands to her chest and melted, “Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen her in ages, how is she?”

She heard more excited muffles before Harry laughed into the phone and said, “Alright mom, I’ll ask her. Yes, I’ll let her know. Alright, I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” before hanging up and smiling, “She wants to have us over for dinner when we get back to England, and she says she won’t take no for an answer.”

Elizabeth giggled, turning back to her clothes, “I miss your mom, she’s always been so sweet.”

“I’m pretty sure she liked you more than me,” Harry laughed, watching Elizabeth pull on her clothes. 

Elizabeth slipped on her a-line green floral dress and paired it with a black belt around the waist, deciding to let her damp hair air dry. She crawled onto the bed and sat criss-crossed next to Harry. 

“Your mom adores you,” Elizabeth said. 

Harry paused for a moment, looking at Elizabeth with a growing smile. “I adore you,” he said admiringly, making Elizabeth blush before continuing, “You look beautiful today.”

Elizabeth grinned at him and crawled closer to him. Harry lifted his arm so that he could wrap it around her as she rested her head on his chest.

“Did you want to come to the studio with me today?”

Sarah frowned, “I’d love to, but I think I’m going to get ahead on some more work so I have more free time later.”

“In that case, can I take you out for dinner tonight? We haven’t had a real first date yet.”

Elizabeth thought for a second before answering, “Can I pick what we do?”

Harry chuckled, “Okay, how about this. I pick where we go to eat, because I know the restaurants around here, but you can pick whatever else we do.”

“Deal!”

Harry groaned, pulling Elizabeth into him as close as she possibly could, nuzzling his nose into her neck and kissing it lightly, “I don’t want to go! I just wanna stay here all day.”

The little kisses he gave on her neck started to tickle and she giggled, trying to squirm out of his grip which started a mini game of pillow fight. Eventually Harry had to get up and dressed before he was extremely late to the studio. 

Elizabeth decided to work outside today since it was such beautiful weather, but it was hard to focus on work knowing that she was in a different country, in Harry’s mansion, with a pool only six feet from her. The only time she set foot inside the house was to use the bathroom, or make herself some lunch, otherwise, her laptop was on her legs in the lounge chair, or she took conference calls while dipping her feet into the pool. Her skin even started to burn a bit from being out in the sun for so long.

Harry’s half-day studio time turned into an all-day session, which worked well in Elizabeth’s favor as it gave her more time to get half of the week’s work done. It was 6 PM by the time Harry got home, walking to the backyard to greet her.

“I’m so sorry we ran over time,” He apologized, “We were getting really deep into new songs and I wanted to start recording them.”

Elizabeth shut her laptop and smiled, “It’s okay, I was good here.”

Harry grinned, thankful that she wasn’t upset, “You ready for dinner?”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna throw on a bit of makeup first, if that’s okay? I won’t be long.”

Within fifteen minutes Elizabeth had some makeup on and Harry had changed into a new pair of clothes and they were out the door. The drive to the city was fun with a lot of dancing to his playlist before they eventually reached their destination at 71 Above, a sky lounge that stood so tall it overlooked the entire city. Elizabeth gawked at the view as they were seated at a semi-private table and were poured two glasses of wine, eventually having their orders taken. 

“Am I underdressed?” Elizabeth asked, self consciously.

Harry chuckled, taking a bite of his food, “No, you’re perfect.”

He talked about his day at the studio, telling her about how excited he was about this new album they were making. He was being pretty vague about the songs themselves, but did mention how it was mostly related towards family and friends with this album which made Elizabeth excited to hear it. Eventually they moved on to talking about his interviews the past two days and how a good 97% of the places he went to asked about the pictures they were caught in together. 

“Normally I’d be pretty upset about it. I don’t like to publicize any kind of relationship I’m in, whether it be romantic or friendly, but I don’t know,” Harry took a sip of his drink, “I’m more worried about how you feel about it.”

Elizabeth swallowed her food, “I just don’t want your publicist to lose her mind trying to control rumors. I mean we’re not dating….”

“She says as we’re on a date,” Harry said sarcastically, shoveling food into his mouth.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and laughed, “It’s not like I’m your girlfriend, so you’re not lying when you say you’re single, but it’s also not like I’m going to be swiping through tinder, either, because now I feel invested in seeing how things go with you.”

Harry smiled, taking in what she said before saying, “We talked about you at the studio today.”

She was about to put food into her mouth before he said that, and paused, mouth agape,  and furrowing her eyebrows. Finally she said, “What about?”

“Well it started with Mitch and Sarah going on about how they really liked you, and then Adam and Ny were giving me a hard time about how I kept referring to you as ‘a friend’, saying that they noticed some ‘not-so-casual’ looks at each other and all this other shit. Then it eventually turned into me telling them about how I liked you as more than a friend and that we were trying to see how things go….” he babbled on.

“So they know we’re not just friends?” Elizabeth asked, earning a hesitant nod from Harry. “Who all knows?”

Harry winced, unsure of how she’d react, “Jeffrey, Lisa, the band, the producer... everyone at the studio.”

Elizabeth sighed, closing her eyes for a second before looking over at him, “And what was their reaction?”

“They were fine! They don’t care if I date someone. Obviously Lisa thinks we just try to keep it as private as possible for our sake, but they all love you so they were fine!”

Elizabeth nodded, trying to hide a smile, “Okay. Well, I guess it’s good that I don’t have to watch what I say or do around them as much. Let’s just continue what we’re doing before we get too deep into this whole ‘relationship’ thing, then.”

Harry pursed his lips and nodded. She didn’t know why she was so set on taking things as slowly as possible with Harry. Elizabeth told herself that it was because she just got out of a very long and serious relationship and she didn’t want to screw it up, but in the back of her mind she knew that she was just scared. It’s been said a million times, but the fact that he’s famous does change a lot. They couldn’t just do normal relationship things. Not when he’s being watched practically 24/7. And it was hard not to compare herself to the other gorgeous girls he’s dated in the industry, people who know how to deal with fame and can relate to him better than she could. I mean his whole entire last album was basically about his love for his ex model girlfriend who broke his heart. How could she compare to a gorgeous French model?

“So how will we be continuing our date?” Harry asked.

Elizabeth smiled, “Oh, it’s a surprise. But it’s going to be a long night, so I hope you’re not too tired.”

KEEP READING

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #308

“you don’t need treats, and you don’t need tricks, and you don’t need me.”

Middle name? Marie. Or Marie Catherine, if we're technical, but as someone who loooong left Catholicism and never even agreed with many aspects of it in the first place, I don't like to include it. If you're confused, there's a ceremony called Confirmation, and while I honestly don't even remember the details of it, you adopt the name of a saint you want to stand for, kinda. I chose Catherine just because I liked the name outta my other options. Democrat/republican/other? I classify myself as Independent because I really don't relate well enough to either, but I do know I'm becoming more and more liberal with time. Do you dress according to your mood? My mood? No. I dress with what I feel like wearing at that time, but my actual mood has nothing to do with it. Are you good at doing hair/make up? No. Are you always worried or stressed about something? 24/7, my friend. Can you swim? Yeah. Are you afraid of needles? I don't like them, but I'm not afraid of them. How many kids do you want? Zero. Long/short nails? I keep mine short. Do you like wearing hats? No. Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Nah, I loved seeing Santa as a kid. :') Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am RIDICULOUSLY clumsy. Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? In concept, but I ain't easy to pick up anymore lmao. Do you like hairless cats? I do!! Females, anyway, for... obvious reasons lol. Not having fur makes some things waaay too ~obvious~ otherwise. I would love a sphynx. Do you like the color yellow? No; it's actually one of my most disliked colors. Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? Yeah. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Not by a dentist, no, just by myself as a kid when I was losing my baby teeth. When someone says don’t look do you look? It depends on why they're telling me to not look. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say? I'm a very emotional person, I need a lot of "me" time, and to be aware of my social anxiety so not every interaction I have is perceived as just a dumpster fire. What are your three biggest insecurities? My creativity, my goddamn body, and my lack of social skills. If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say? Ummm. I can only think of people I miss and don't WANT to be anonymous... Favorite photo of yourself? A senior prom picture I don't have anymore. I looked so, so happy and fuck my low self-esteem, gorgeous. Who are you disappointed with right now? I'm like, permanently disappointed in myself lol. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. My minimum is 21. What question do you hate to answer? "Are you a virgin?" because it's just a confusing answer. It doesn't sound like one at all, but trust me on this. The subject of sex just makes me uncomfortable anyway, so even if I was confident in the answer, I wouldn't want to talk about it. What’s your most listened to song? I don't have a way of actually finding that out, but I'd say I've been listening to "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli quite a lot lately. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? I mean, I don't know. It would depend on what was going on in my life and head at the time. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A nice car for Mom. She's had the same shitty car for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss now because she just can't afford a new one; hell, this one was free. A dance friend hit a deer, so the front of the car is messed up, and she bought a new one, but because the car itself was still functional, she gave it to my mom. Mom is so loved at the studio. The car just has various issues by this point, like trouble starting, accelerating, it's bumpy, etc., so it's way past time for a new one. Do you like licorice? NOOOOOOOOOO that's a big 'ole "ew." Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? No, but I've seen it from a distance when riding up to NY. When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? WOW. I couldn't even try to guess. What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? The house I was born into. I actually don't know how long Mom and Dad lived there, but I was only in that house as a very little baby. I have zero memories of it. What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.) ... There's a difference? lol I guess peppermint? What was the last thing to frustrate you? I wanted to draw yesterday, but I didn't know what to draw to even get started. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Did any of your family members serve in WWII? I don't believe so? Well... maybe my grampa did? I don't remember. What’s your favorite kind of salad? Gimme an Olive Garden salad and I will deadass eat the whole bowl. Are you more realistic or idealistic? I'd say I'm more realistic with most things. Are you currently borrowing something from someone? No. Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? No. What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Ireland. When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? I got new flipflops a year or so back because my old Rainbows were so worn out and blackened my feet. Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where? No. Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't checked since moving here. We're in the suburbs though, so it's questionable. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Not unless it's required, usually. I think. When's the last time I physically signed anything, anyway? What brand of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro. What operating system does that computer run? Windows 10. What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? I don't really know, given how much my weight has fluctuated. Went drastically up, went down, now it's back up. .-. I still own a handful of shirts I want to "shrink back into" from late HS and early college times, but yeah, I don't know if I'll actually achieve that. Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? Flat as my ass. What is your significant other or best friend’s ring tone? No one on my phone has a "special" ringtone. Where do you keep your hair brush? There's a comb I use in a drawer in the bathroom. Which pair of shoes have you owned the longest? Multiple pairs of Converse, also from high school. When’s the last time you were sick at the same time as someone else? I'm very happy to say I don't even recall the last time I was sick. My immune system is the fuckin GOAT. What did you have for breakfast this morning? A pb&j. We've got very little rn, but thankfully Mom's picking up our Wal-Mart order today. Last time you were in pain? If I'm standing, you can bet my legs hurt, so. What color is your mom’s hair? It's growing back totally gray now. Is that also your hair color? Well, no, I'm only 25. Do you watch any daily vloggers on YouTube? Who? No. I watch people who vlog occasionally, but not regularly. It's gotta be people I'm very into to really be interested in vlogs. What room of your house do you usually do your surveys in? Sigh, I'm always in my bedroom. Really hoping Mom and I muster up the motivation to clean up the extra room soon to turn it into my "dayroom" or "office," if you will. What do you put on your tacos? I hate tacos. What is your favorite stuffed animal and where did you get it? I have a bittersweet connection to the adorable plush meerkat Jason gave me for Valentine's our first year together; I always slept with it when we were together by apart, and for a year or so after the breakup. It was a source of comfort for me, so I'm really fond of it. Fella's fur is so worn out and matted down with age and lots of love. He's on my dresser now, towards the front of all my plushies. Last thing you hung up on your wall? My Illidan poster, I believe. Do you have a full length mirror? Yeah, on the back of my door. Is it currently raining? No, finally. It's been raining for like a fuckin week, it seems like. It's finally a clear day. It's nice to hear birds outside. Does anyone you live with talk in their sleep? Does this happen often? I'M the one doing the talking/screaming in my sleep. Thanks, nightmares. When was the last time you cried, or felt tearful? I'm not positive, but I know I had a pretty rough PTSD night not too long ago where I teared up. Did you wake up with a song stuck in your head today? What was it? Ohhh yes; I've been listening to Mother Mother's "Ghosting" on repeat because it's jammed up there. When was the last time you used moisturiser or lotion of some kind? Not too long ago on my hands. They get dry this time of year, and besides, I wash my hands a lot nowadays especially. What was the last thing you owned, that was accidentally broken or damaged? Were you able to get it fixed? My laptop, and yes. Tell me about the last dream you recall having. Was it weird, amusing, etc. So this is pretty wild. I know I had a nightmare last night, but I don't remember it; the night before, however, I had a nightmare about a possibly rabid and ginormous rat (I mean like, smaller dog sized) in the house and trying to bite me. It was SUPER weird, because I was actually afraid of it, yet I absolutely adore rats in real life. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? I've really gotten into John Wolfe (a let's player) lately, and I'm going through his The Evil Within playthrough. Do your parents use any social media at all? My mom has a Facebook, and hilariously, Dad has a Snapchat to talk with my sister Nicole. He has no clue what he's doing with it and it's adorable, haha. Mom also has a Twitter, but she doesn't use it. Is there anyone in your life who regularly asks how your day has been? Regularly, no. I've always been that person, especially in the WoW guild I'm in. I'm very close and comfortable with them and ask how everyone's doing any time I log on. Lovely people who give me some social interaction every day. Tell me something positive about the day you've had. It's still early, but once again, it's pretty and bright outside. Why do you prefer Facebook over MySpace, because I know you do? Ha, you'd be incorrect. MySpace was more personal, so I actually preferred it. But it's obviously long-dead, so I just settle with Facebook. Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No. My sister looooves it, though. What product do you use to moisturize your lips? I don't remember, actually... It's in my purse somewhere. When did you start using Xanga? I never have. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Judge, I don't think so. I can make assumptions like everyone else, but I'm not gonna think someone is beneath me just by their attire. Do you know anyone who does not like The Beatles? Me. At least, most songs. "Hey Jude" is good, but everyone agrees with that, haha. Did you have a friend in middle school that you’re now enemies with in high school? I'm long since out of HS. I had a middle school friend who I disconnected with following a fight in high school, but we weren't "enemies," and we reunited our senior year anyway. Aaaaand we're not friends anymore once again lmao. What is one thing you hope your children don’t inherit from you? If I hypothetically wanted kids, God knows I'd hope they wouldn't have my psychological issues. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? It'd be nice, anyway. What type of foundation do you wear? None. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Someone I'm no longer friends with, partially because of this. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep. Are you for or against guyliner? Ugggghhhhh guyliner makes me weak in the knees. How many jobs have you had? Where do you currently work? Three; nowhere. Who did you last hit? Um, nobody??? What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? I enjoy my alone time on the computer as the best self-care, especially after being social all day; I don't, however, enjoy the act of performing hygiene care. I still do it, it's just not fun. The feeling afterwards is great, though. Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? I was briefly using NutriSystem, which didn't work for me. I hated too much of the food. More recently I stuck with flexible dieting and calorie counting for a while, but I drifted from it when I still lost no fucking weight in like a month. I want to get back to it, though... oh, and intermittent fasting. I don't think it really worked for me yet again, even though I did it correctly, but that and the aforementioned flexible dieting is all I feel like I can handle. I guess I just have to give it longer. Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? Too many people I know have had it or had someone they loved die because of it. Take this shit seriously. Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn’t enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? No; I have to actually enjoy the music. If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren’t an issue, what would it be about? Either animal (preferrably reptiles) education or let's plays, ig. Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you’re making it up? I don't believe so. What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? I really don't know; I haven't traveled nearly enough for this.

[vickisventures]

They Made It!

We had company again this week.  I guess this was our 3rd visitor in 3 weeks. Only difference was this time, they came to see us (didn’t just happen to be in the area.). Mom, dad and Terri got here around 1pm on Monday.  We hit the ground running.  As soon as they unloaded, we went to Crazy Horse and spent quite a bit of time there.  The last time we’d been there, we hadn’t gotten to see everything, so Steve and I enjoyed going back.  Then we came back and Steve cooked up some delicious burgers and we just visited. Tuesday, we headed to Custer State Park. We took the wildlife loop and then came back to the Visitor Center.  We saw a big herd of bison at the beginning of the loop, but they weren’t very active. We didn’t see much more wildlife after that.  They had the theater open at the Visitor Center and we got to see a very neat video of the park that we hadn’t gotten to see before.  There were some picnic tables there and it was lunchtime, so we took our PB&J sandwiches and had a nice lunch by the creek.  A ranger told Steve that the bison herd was close by and so we decided to head back to the wildlife loop and see.  The bison were everywhere. They were crossing the road right in front of us and giving us all sorts of photo ops.  We were glad we came back.  Then we went to Sylvan Lake to hike around the lake.  It was an enjoyable hike and quite pretty.   That evening we went to the Powder House Lodge restaurant.  Mom, dad and Terri got the try the buffalo meatloaf. Steve got the buffalo stew in a bread bowl and I had chicken cordon blue.  We got to sit out on the patio and really enjoyed our views.  Wednesday, we did a lot of driving.  We went to Spearfish Canyon where the 3 waterfalls are and found out that 2 tornadoes had come through there a week ago.  We saw a lot of tree damage but thankfully, not a lot of structural damage.  It’s quite scary to see a forest that has been hit by a tornado.  The trees all looked like they’d been decapitated. There was a spot on the rim where all of the trees were leaning the same direction.  Due to the damage, the trail we’d planned to hike to the waterfall was closed.  We were still able to drive up to it so they still got to see it, but it wasn’t what I’d planned.  After seeing 2 of the waterfalls, we drove back to Cheyenne Crossing so they could try their famous Indian Taco.  All were stuffed and happy afterwards.  Then we drove to see the 3rd waterfall (one we hadn’t seen before.). It wasn’t really worth the drive but now we know.  We are all pretty tired by then, so we headed back to Custer.  That evening we got the fire going and roasted hot dogs and cooked s’mores.  It was just like old times! We left the best for last and Thursday, ended the trip with a tour of Mt. Rushmore and Needles Highway.  I think everyone enjoyed that day.  We had a great surprise as we were on the highway.  A biker coming towards us waved us down and told us that there was a herd of buffalo around the corner.  He had actually turned around and chosen not to ride through them.  I never thought about how scary riding through them would be for a biker.  It’s not quite so unnerving in a big truck but when the bison are bigger than you and a motorcycle...you gotta think twice.  We kept driving and there they were! They were in the road coming toward us. A couple looked like they were going to run right into the front of the truck, but one got wise, gave the other guy a snort and they walked around the truck.  I’d say of of all our bison sightings that was the most enjoyable. They were up close and personal and we just sat there in the road waiting for them to make their way by. We made lots of stops along Needles Highway to take pictures.  I think they enjoyed the tunnels.  Terri and I jumped out and rode in the back of the truck through the narrowest tunnel. That was cool!  For dinner, we took them to our favorite place for a buffalo burger. We got in line before they opened and were seated with the first group.  I’m pretty sure they know now why it’s our favorite place to eat!  Friday morning, they were off early to take Terri to the airport and head back towards Missouri.  We had a great time...lots of visiting and outdoor time.  I think they may have a better understanding now of why Steve and I are doing what we are doing.

After that busy 4 days, we went back to work.  Friday wasn’t bad but Saturday, was the worst day I’ve had yet.  It was the owner’s daughter’s birthday, so they had plans to take her on a helicopter ride.  Jen also has a friend from NY in to visit for a couple of weeks and has been running around with her.  So, Saturday, I knew we had about 34 arrivals.  Usually it’s doable when I have help but everyone was gone but Steve and I (and 2 of the kids.). I guess we should have talked about how to make it work but the phone started ringing not long after I got in the office at 10am and never stopped until around 2:30.  I love working here and both Jen and Bill are great people but their organizational skills are a bit lacking at times.  Knowing that we had so many arrivals and knowing that they were all going to be gone, they should have had the day ready to go by the time I got in at 10. But none of the charges for the day had been checked nor the papers ran for all of the arrivals.  Due to the amount of phone calls, I had 3 out of 34 ran by 12:30.  Then they started to arrive...I had 2 big groups arrive at the same time...nothing was ready and I hadn’t even had time to think about where they were all going on how it was all supposed to work.  One group came with a bunch of UTVs and I had no idea where they were going to park them.  I was so stressed by the end of that, that I could feel my heart racing for the next hour. Then a family came in that needed help parking (they were new to the RV thing) so I tried to call Steve to come help them and couldn’t get a hold of him.  I tried to get one of the kids to go find Steve and couldn’t get a hold of them. Nothing more frustrating than feeling like you are all by yourself trying to run a campground.  Finally, I got one of the kids and he went to find Steve who was mowing and couldn’t hear his phone. Around 3:15, Bill came back and asked how things were going and I told him!  He felt bad that no one had been there to help me and told me to leave around 30 minutes early.  I was so worn out that I actually took him up on his offer and left.  (Of course, the phone had finally stopped ringing constantly and it was pretty calm by the time I left. He probably thought I was just making it all up!). I still think we have a great gig here, but we are a little over halfway through the season and I guess we are getting grumpier and starting to see things that irritate us more.  My biggest thing is the mess in the office and the lack of planning.  IF someone had checked the charges and ran the bills for Saturday ahead of time, my day would have been so much better. Steve and I are working 4 days next week in order to allow us to take 10 days to go to Yellowstone in August and so Jen can spend some time with her friend.  I really hope those days go better.  

We think we may be closer to getting Norcold to give us a new cooler unit for our fridge. Should hear something tomorrow.  I hope so because it’s currently holding around 56 degrees.  Not good at all.  We need to get it working before we go to Yellowstone!  

Aspen seems better. He’s got an appointment to get groomed tomorrow and then we are supposed to take a urine sample to the vet.  I am hoping for good news there!

[theseadagiodays]

May 4, 2020

This is Not a Performance

Irving H Bolano’s incredible repurposed newspaper fashion for the Met Gala Challenge on Twitter #HFMetGala2020

May the Fourth be With You as you reach the next chapter of this current sci-fi drama we seem to be living through.   As the saying goes, reality can be stranger than fiction.   But it just happens to be a many red-eyed virus rather than an evil, black-masked father that we’re fighting as we all walk around like Storm Troopers.  

There are so many aspects of our lives, during Covid, which make it feel like we are actors in a make-believe story.   First of all, we’ve all become movie stars, with our faces, homes, and even pets showcased on our own silver screens.  As isolated as we are, our private lives now play out in the public sphere more than ever - no paparazzi required.    For some, this invasion of privacy is unwelcomed. But for many people, it satisfies a secret longing to share themselves with a wider audience.  After all, deep down, everyone wants to be seen and heard (I guess, me included, since I have this blog, after all).  It’s why TikTok and YouTube and Facebook have become multi-billion dollar companies so quickly.  And now, while this pandemic is a harsh daily reminder of the impermanence of all things, it makes sense that these digital missives are an attempt to seek immortality, in some strange way.

As someone whose work responds to human’s need to have a voice, I truly get why this is the case.  And I love that this time has turned housewives into opera stars, and health care workers into hip hop dancers, and housepets into circus performers. But, at the same time, I have become very aware of the masks that we wear, even inside our homes, to portray a certain self to the world that may stray quite far from our authentic selves.  The expression “dance like no one is watching” acknowledges the fact that we all tend to perform when we have an audience, and perhaps we’re only truly ourselves when we don’t.   I understand that the way we “perform” ourselves online gives each of us a chance to reinvent the fictions we want our stories to have.   So, while I surely take some guilty pleasure from intimate glimpses into strangers’ lives, I also do so with a certain skepticism about the veracity of what I’m seeing.  

This became particularly true for me when I received a recent link from my friend and amazing singer/songwriter, Dominique Fricot. Capitalizing on this current trend of oversharing, he cleverly asked his fans to film their morning routines for the music video of his new song, Wake Up, by his duo, Flora Falls.  Dom’s warm tenor voice blended with his partner’s breathy tones feel just like a lazy morning in bed.  But I’ll leave it up to you to decide just how accurate these portrayals of people’s idyllic daytime rituals actually are.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsqXou5FeY

May 5, 2020

Homeschool Heroes

About twenty years ago,  I was invited to adjudicate a youth music competition in the Yukon.  Travelling to one of the northernmost inhabited spots on earth, I imagined that my greatest surprise might have been a polar bear or Northern Lights sighting.  But it turned out to be something entirely different.  Among the 25,000 residents of the thriving metropolis of Whitehorse exists a treasure trove of talent.  I could not believe the incredibly honed skills and nuanced expression with which these 11-18 year-olds played.   Wondering why, I developed a theory that I now call SLoW: Sheltered Living Wonder.  When long, dark days, cold climates or pandemics force people indoors, they tend to spend inordinate amounts of time on creative endeavors and skill development.  In other words, they slow down and take time for wonder.

This theory has surely applied during these past few months of sheltering in place.   One of the most remarkable examples has been the inventiveness that many of my friends have brought to their first attempts with homeschooling.   So, I wanted to give a few shout outs to some of these Homeschool Heroes and the highly imaginative projects they’ve done with their kids.

Stunning Easter Eggs made from natural materials and dye, by my friend Jane Cox and her kids  (Botany lesson)

Candy Covid virus, made by Amelia, my friend Jen Sanke’s daughter, as she learned about the virus’ proteins (Biology lesson)

But perhaps the prize for most complex homeschool project has to go to my architect friend, Bryn Davidson, who upon returning from Australia, in late March, had to fully quarantine for 2-weeks.  So, with his 5-year old son Bei as helper, this Physics lesson allowed him to enjoy home delivery beer while in isolation.  Just brilliant!

https://youtu.be/FF9-2dWoUtc

May 6, 2020

Living in livestream

So today, 5 million British Columbian’s awaited our “sentence” with baited breath, as word spread that our provincial prime minister would deliver the Re-Open BC plan at 3 pm.   I have to admit, it felt a bit like when you were “grounded” as an adolescent and then your parents returned certain privileges to you.  Of course, I’m well aware that our province has already been far more licentious than many places around the globe.  We’ve been fortunate to maintain reasonably low numbers of infection (just over 2,000), with counts as low as 8 new cases per day, at this point. So, while our provincial parks closed, our beaches never did.  While we were encouraged, within a reasonable range of home, to be active outdoors, we were not restricted to walks only within the 100 metre radius of our house, as my Israeli friends were.  And while we could still shop at gardening and furniture stores, to make sheltering at home more enjoyable, New Zealanders had nothing but grocery stores and pharmacies open, for two months.  

I have sensed the gratitude my fellow Vancouverites have felt about these privileges.  But that does not mean that we aren’t still anxious to return to other aspects of living which we’ve missed.  When lockdown began, ominously on the Ides of March (the 15th), I’d harboured a secret hope that certain restrictions might be lifted on my birthday (exactly two months later).  And it turns out that Phase Two of the BC ReOpen plan will commence on May 19th, just 4 days later than I’d hoped.  What I most look forward to experiencing again are small gatherings with friends, (we’ll soon be allowed to socialize in public with up to 10 people); meals inside certain restaurants and pubs (those that are able to function within WorkPlace BC’s safety regulations); visits to registered massage therapists; and hugs with select people, (”using one’s own ‘risk assessment’.”)

But in the long-range plan, the harsh reality for artists has been laid out, as Phase Four (which includes resuming large-venue concerts, conventions, and international travel) can not occur until either a vaccine has been developed, an effective treatment plan is widely available, or herd immunity is achieved.  And this is not estimated to occur until mid-2021 or later.  So, the prospects are still bleak for symphony orchestras, opera and dance companies, artists who perform in crowded bars, or musicians who travel for arena shows and festivals.  This likely means that in order to satisfy audiences’ need to access live performance, and for artists to continue to share their creativity,  livestream formats will still have to persist for some time.  Therefore, I thought I’d share a few regular weekly livestream arts events here, both from Vancouver, LA & NY.

Canadian National Live Art Champion, Dmitri Sirenko, who we featured at our non-profit’s annual benefit on February 20th, 2020

Every Monday Night at 7 pm PST (Vancouver) Poetry Slam: https://www.facebook.com/Vancouverpoetryslam/

Every Thursday at 5 pm PST (LA): LIVE Art Battles - Watch painters do their magic in just 20 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWJoWGVwzGtk99nTOCib9vg

Every Thursday at 8 pm EST (NY): Spotlight on Plays - famous actors perform readings of theatre pieces, online: https://www.broadwaysbestshows.com/post/the-best-of-series/

May 7, 2020

Collateral Blessings

So many thoughtful writers are adding to the discourse, as we all strive to make meaning from what can feel like a senseliess time.  I have so appreciated the abundance with which people are sharing these missives, right now.  Every day, bursts of inspiration or flickers of insight come my way, thru texts, emails and Facebook.  Like adventurers, traveling together thru the dark of night, we shine light on guideposts, anywhere we can find them, as we collectively quench each other’s thirst for wisdom.  

One of the most profound writings I‘ve recently discovered came from a stranger’s blog.  In The Examined Family, Courtney Martin, without ever diminishing the gravity of the havoc that this virus has wreaked, writes about some of the assets that have also come out of this time.  New friendships with neighbors.  A long-neglected puzzle completed with her kids.   The time to draw and truly notice an artichoke in her back garden. My good friend Juan calls these collateral blessings.  This reference to the accidental gifts that this cruel virus has given us, is a beautiful twist on “collateral damage”, a term coined to explain accidental friendly-fire deaths during the Gulf War.  Commenting on the anticipatory nostalgia that she projects she will feel about certain things, once this time has passed, Courtney writes:

“I instantly feel overwhelmed at the prospect of schedules and stuff. I don’t want to go back to our former accumulation or frenetic pace. I don’t want to stop texting (my neighbor) my little triumphs. I don’t want to forget about the artichokes in the garden. I don’t ever want to forget this happened--the grief and the beauty of it. I’m not even sure that will be possible, but if it were, I wouldn’t want it. I don’t want to vote like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to eat like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to consume like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to schedule like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to mother or daughter or befriend or neighbor like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to sit inside this little life, noticing and appreciating and breathing, like it didn’t happen. There is unnecessary suffering all around me, and inside of me, too, but there is also necessary meaning. May we hold on to that.”      

You can read her full entry here: https://courtney.substack.com/p/unnecessary-suffering-and-necessary?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo3OTg0NDcyLCJwb3N0X2lkIjozNzU1NDMsIl8iOiJCTnk2VyIsImlhdCI6MTU4NzA1MjgyMCwiZXhwIjoxNTg3MDU2NDIwLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA5MjIiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.puI9NMne-783ypInpvTkJ96T237WcrTo2ItDhqlkMiY

May 8, 2020

Nostalgia

I’m rarely one prone to nostalgia.  My childhood photo albums are in storage.  I have no family heirlooms displayed in my home.  My tendency is to revel in the present or dream about the future.  But this pandemic has strangely turned me into a sentimental fool.  Perhaps this return to simpler times, where we seldom shop, where we wander mostly by foot, or where we get to know our neighbors better, makes us long for the past in certain ways.  

For me, I’ve honored this by resurrecting my daily teenage Twizzler habit - a candy I’ve rarely eaten since then, but that now feels so satisfying during my Netflix & Chill evenings (while watching films almost as old like Groundhog Day & Anchorman).  

I’m also listening a lot to Old School Hip Hop, where the explative-free rhymes of the 90’s feel so strangely innocent.  It’s refreshing to listen to these musicians spit verses that merely celebrate the joys of dance and rap, rather than ranting about gun violence and other societal ills.  Run DMC It’s Tricky (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0) and Beastie Boys Body Movin’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvRBUw_Ls2o) happen to be personal favorites.  

Last month, I was tickled by an old memory while planting a lilac bush in my backyard.  I suddenly remembered a story about my college boyfriend, whom I hadn’t thought of in 30 years.  Our relationship started a bit secretively, so as not to hurt his ex’s feelings.  So, one May afternoon, we snuck away to a distant park that was hosting a Lilac Festival.  Unfortunately, our ruse was quickly spoiled when a candid photo of our picnic under the purple blooms was plastered all over the front page of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle the next morning.  

Another sweet memory returned in culinary form. Every Tuesday, for 7 years, my mother selflessly drove me an hour from home and back, for my flute lesson.  And to break up the long drive, we regularly stopped at Bickford’s Pancake House for my favorite adolescent treat: breakfast for dinner. Their specialty was the Dutch Baby Apple.  And I finally made my first homemade attempt at this deceptively easy delicacy, last Tuesday.  

This has also been a time to return to bedtime stories (some I’ve read to friends’ kids, and others for adults to hear.)  The Great Realisation by British performance artist, Tom Foolery, has been making the social media rounds. But in case you missed this touching tale that looks back on this time as if the tale is being told in a not-so-distant future, it’s a wistful story about some aspects of modern life that we may never long for in the future:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5KQMXDiM4

[welcometophu]

Into the Split: Reinforcements - Interlude

Twinned Book 3: Into the Split

Reinforcements - Interlude

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Summer, ~30 years ago

Alia,

Well, I’m home. Honestly, I think you’d like it here. Yes, I know, you’re reading this and objecting and complaining about not wanting to be surrounded by Mages. You don’t mind me, do you? Think about how utterly bored you’d be if we hadn’t lived on the same floor this year. Admit it, you were glad when you smelled me out. You walked into my room growling and wrinkling your nose and then you sat down and stayed, even though Megan really thought you were nuts.

I wonder what it would be like if they knew who we were. If they had any idea what we are, and that we’re right here living among them. Mages. Clan. Everything. I just wonder—how can they have no idea?

Anyway. I’ve got three months of farming, cooking, planning, and everything else I’m expected to do for summer work. It’s a good thing I’ve got a good scholarship because kids in my community don’t get outside jobs to pay for school. But we’re kind of a commune, so it works out. They say it takes a village to raise a kid, and in our case, the whole village sends that kid to college, too.

Say you’ll come visit.

Peace and magic,

Val

Val,

You do realize that I am just as busy as you are over the summer, yes? I’m expected to spend time in the fields, and time with the little ones, particularly those who are having difficulty with their shifts. I also work with the textiles. I knit and weave, and I am learning dyeing, although I hate the stench of the dyes. They reek, and I can’t get it out of my clothes.

I’ve been swimming in the river, though. I think you’d like it. There’s a place where it opens up and the current moves swiftly down one side, while it’s lazy on the other side. We take inner tubes out there and just rest and laugh.

Your commune is as small as mine, isn’t it? There are a few others my age. Three who have come back from school in the years ahead of me, and more who stayed out. I don’t have to come back until I graduate. It’s not required, but I like it here. Out there is interesting, and yes, I met you, but here… this is home.

There are only two others from my school year here, and both of them went far further for their schooling. Eddie is happy to be back and isn’t sure he wants to leave again in the fall when his next semester begins. Mary thinks she wants to be a veterinarian and is petitioning to stay at school longer in order to bring those skills back to our community. She’s smart; I think she’ll be able to do it.

I’ll see if I can visit. I can’t easily explain where I’m going.

- Alia

Alia,

Okay, so, I know you just left and I’m already writing a letter. You won’t get it for a week anyway, with the way mail travels from VT to rural NY, right? Well, a few days. But the point is: it was awesome to see you, and I’m so glad you were able to come, and thank you for visiting. I’m glad we’ll be going back to school soon, because I miss you already.

Jack’s been asking about you. Yes, already. I think he was flirting with you. Did you notice? He’s kind of cute, I guess, if you didn’t have to grow up with him. You could do worse. Well. Except that he’s a Mage and I’m sure your family would have a fit about it.

Did you tell them who you’re rooming with next year? I really don’t want to have my throat ripped out before fall semester starts.

I’m going to keep this short because I want you to get something quick after you get home. This world needs something better than letters and carriers that move as a snails pace for communication. Yes, I could call, but if I call your house, I might have to talk to your parents. Which… I have a feeling that wouldn’t go well. You didn’t even tell them the truth about who you were visiting.

I miss you already.

Peace & magic,

Val

Val,

I told them I was going to Burlington, which was not a lie. I brought them back information from the school of Agriculture, so the trip was considered productive. They fully expect me to visit again in the future.

Tell Jack I’m not interested. Thank you.

I miss you, too. It won’t be long before we’re back.

And no, I haven’t told my parents anything other than the truth: I have an apartment with three other girls from school. They won’t be with me when I return in the fall. I’ve spent part of the summer working with my Uncle Danny on a car. We’ve gotten parts from the local junkyards to rebuild the engine. I was going to keep it as a surprise, but well, you asked, and the truth is, I’ll be driving out on my own. My parents don’t like leaving Haverhill and I don’t like having them at school. They think it means I’ll be home more often, or able to drive up to Burlington to meet with the school again.

They’re sort of right, I suppose. I’m sure we’ll think of plenty we can do with a car at our disposal.

That reminds me. I’ve never seen New York City and I was thinking that maybe we could go down for a weekend during the fall. If you want to.

I’ve heard it smells terrible, but I’d like to see it with you.

- Alia

Alia,

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m sticking to you through thick and thin. I will go to the ends of the earth with you, whether that means disappointing Jack (he’s so sad now) or driving into the den of iniquity that is the City. I’m with you.

We should see a play while we’re there. Are your tender senses up for it? I’ll protect you. I’ve heard we can get cheap tickets through some booth in Times Square if we don’t care what we see.

It’ll be our adventure. Clan and Mage together, exploring the world. Wherever you want to go, I’ll be by your side.

Peace & magic,

Val

~20 years ago

Val,

Congratulations on your engagement. I know you will be happy.

- Alia

Alia,

Seriously, that’s all you say? I suppose I should be glad you wrote back. I miss you, you asshole. Why did you stop writing to me?

We should start talking on email. It’s a thing now, if you’ve got a good phone line and a dialup system. Well, and a computer. It’s a lot faster and more reliable than letters. You won’t even have to go to the post office.

I mean it, though. I miss you.

Tell me you’ll be here for the wedding.

Peace & magic,

Val

Val,

I’ll be there for the wedding.

Email, however, is not going to happen here. We do not have a good way to do so.

In the wake of my father’s passing, things have been difficult here. The Council wants someone else to take over, but I’m strong enough to hold my position for now. I’m good for our community, and my mother continues to support me, as does my uncle. The problem is, they’re old. One day they’ll be gone, and I think everyone is waiting for that to happen.

They want me to make a mistake.

They might think traveling to a community of Mages is that mistake.

In case you’re wondering, I don’t agree.

School seems so long ago, doesn’t it? It wasn’t, really. Ten years since we first met, and an entire world has come and gone it feels like.

Tell me about him, Valentine. Tell me he makes your heart sing. Tell me about his magic, and about his courtship. Tell me that he worships the ground you walk on.

Tell me that he is good for you.

I miss you as well.

- Alia

Alia,

Enclosed please find one (1) dress and a pleading, begging entreaty for you to stand by my side when I make my vows. I can’t do this without you.

He’s good, Alia. We started dating a year ago, and it’s gone by quick, but when he asked it felt right. I’m here, he’s here, and I think I want to have kids. I never really thought about that before. It seemed like such a far away idea, but now sometimes when I sit and think, I see a small boy with his eyes and my smile, and it seems like it’s supposed to happen.

I wonder, sometimes, what it would be like to be Predictive and have glimpses into the future. How far do they see? I think about this child, but that’s only a few years down the road. Who knows, in ten or twenty years everything could be completely different all over again.

Like you said, it’s not that long and forever, all at once.

I need you here, Alia. Can you come before the wedding? Can you be with me for this?

I could sneak away. We could go to the City.

Would you come with me?

Peace & magic,

Val

Val,

I am extremely sorry to send this at this late date, but we have an issue here in our Community, and if I leave now, I may never be able to return.

Haverhill is my home, and I must keep it safe from those who would try to change it for the worse.

I am sure you are beautiful as a bride, and I hope you send pictures.

The dress you sent is very nice. It looks strange on me, but you know I don’t dress up like that often. I think you made my mother cry.

She knows who you are. What you are. She still thinks you are good for me, and that gives me hope that my community can be better than we are now. Which is why I have to stay here. I want my home to be a haven for anyone who needs it.

Love him with your whole heart, Valentine. And he’d best love you.

- Alia

~10 years ago

Val,

I need your help. I can’t trust anyone else.

- Alia

Alia,

I promised you once that I would stick to you like glue, so yes, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Things look dire, but we’ll make it through. I am by your side, no matter what, through thick and thin.

Love, peace, and magic,

Val

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[canaryatlaw]

okay, well today was fine. I woke up briefly at like 10:15 and looked at my phone, people were talking about starting a gaming session and I considered getting up and participating but decided I wanted to sleep more, so I went back to sleep until like 2:24 I think when I woke up again and actually got up that time. I got clothes on and then came downstairs, had some food and then ended up getting sent on a trip to Target for a few things my mom needed and a few things I wanted to get. I really liked how the donuts from yesterday turned out and my brother wanted me to make more so I grabbed a few things for that, and I’d been wanting to try out the magnolia bakery banana pudding recipe they released recently so I got a few things for that, and an extra can of sweetened condensed milk (I already needed one for the banana pudding) in case I decide to make this recipe I found called “butter rolls” which is basically a variation of a cinnamon roll but cooked in like this creamy sauce and it looks really good, and we had all the other ingredients so I just grabbed that, and we’ll see what happens. I also grabbed some drinks and some snacks and a few other things, pretty successful trip overall. I came home to find we’d just been paid a visit by my cousin’s cousin whose family lives out east on LI (so it’s my uncle who married my mom’s sister’s family members, in this case his nephew) on a farm and they brought us a ton of like fresh produce and stuff and a whole bunch of like good quality snacks and like pancake mix and just a whole bunch of stuff, so that was good. I put the groceries away and shortly afterwards I had to somewhat participate in a phone call with the estate lawyer that’s helping us figure things out. It was a fairly boring conversation where I feel like we didn’t learn too much more than we already knew, and I kinda tuned out for some of it answering some twitter messages. the main thing here that’s actually going to matter is what we do with the law firm, which is either going to be that my older brother quits his job as a prosecutor and takes over, which was always supposed to be the plan, just not this soon, or if he chooses not to do so and then we’d have to figure out if we wanted to have someone else run it temporarily or sell it to another firm that we’d referred a lot of cases to and other such things. the thing is it has to be held by a lawyer licensed in New York, which of course means I don’t qualify, and we were talking about the possibility of maybe operating pro hac vice in NY (which just means temporary licensing basically) but that would probably be more trouble than it’s worth and tbh it’s not really something I want to do, like I will if necessary but it’s not what I would choose. so yeah, we’re figuring that out. I do think the best choice is my brother taking over, and I know my mom feels the same way, but we really don’t want to put any pressure on him about it because it absolutely needs to be his decision, it would obviously be a huge career shift for him and he’d have to out a lot of work into it, and it could be risky financially because he currently has a guaranteed salary at his job, whereas with the firm it would all be up in the air depending on the cases. so yeah, that was a lot. we finished up the phone call and had dinner shortly afterwards (more pasta leftovers) and then I grabbed my laptop and earbuds and watched this week’s batwoman episode. I tried taking notes while watching since I wasn’t livetweeting, but then of course they ended up being a lot more detailed than the notes I would write afterwards, so we’ll have to see how that works out. Once I was finished with that it was like 8 pm, so I took a few minutes to prep the first part of the banana pudding recipe (the pudding part) that needed to sit in the fridge overnight to set. that wasn’t terribly difficult, basically just combining sweetened condensed milk with vanilla pudding mix and some water, then sticking it in the fridge overnight. after that I just chilled for a bit until Legends came on at 9 for me to watch and livetweet. I really enjoyed this episode, I thought it was a lot of fun and very classic Legends humor. I still don’t know where they’re taking Sara’s plotline here with the powers and such, but I guess we’ll see what they do going forward. it’s been fun though, so that’s good, and I think the team is really starting to jive together with the more recent additions. after that was over I just kinda chilled in the kitchen for a bit with various family members around, my sister had pulled out the waffle maker and was trying to make waffles but only had the bisquick “shake and pour” mix that’s only supposed to be used for pancakes so it was very watery and the first like two waffles came out like kind of hollow with it mostly just being like the crust around it with not much inside, so she gave me one of those and it was actually really good for what it was haha so I enjoyed that. and yeah, basically I just chilled for a bit longer down there before coming upstairs to shower, do my pills for the week, and start getting ready for bed, and now I’m here. It’s just a bit past 1 am so definitely time for bed and I’ll end this here. Goodnight dearies. Sleep tight.

[chogiwank]

Milkshake Boy - Art Student!Renjun AU [Part 1]

part 2

Pairing: Art Student!Renjun x Art Student!Female Reader

Summary: Y/N is new in town and works at an Arts Shop which old ladies, teachers and parents picking up supplies for their children mostly visit, and a cute boy who comes by everyday. Having an accidental encounter with the boy they develop a friendship and a love with milkshakes, art and of course each other. Because what is even a love story if they don’t fall for each other with cheesy shit involved

A/N: this story is requested but also inspired by a couple of prompts I came upon therefore not exactly an original plot I suppose but original story !! [part 2 posted] - Doyoung’s Darling

New York is such a beautiful place to live in, especially during the winter time. The snowfalls, the city lights at night of yellow and during Christmas the red and greens. I study at NY Arts School at the end of my sophomore year as a visual arts major. We were considered one of the least popular, the dance majors being the most. We weren’t really seen as much - what can you even do as a visual art major? Is what everyone asked. No one really cared to know for the history of art, Picasso, Monet, Da Vinci. No one really wanted to know what art really was, or why we even loved it. We were considered sort of outcasts despite it being an art school, such irony right? No one here realized art was a way to have colour in our lives, a way to speak with pictures without having to say a single word. It was a way to figure out how others minds work with their interpretation of pieces. It’s a way to make essentials and decoratives which existed in our daily lives; plates and utensils, carpets, blankets, many many things which art was discredited for.

Outside of school, I worked a job as a barista at this cafe, three to five hours for the weekend and then head to the library to study. My parents- well my mother works a job as an English teacher. My father passed away two years ago, I never got much time with him due to him being overseas for his job, he was a good man and we both loved him very much - but unfortunately, his kidney’s gave out on him and couldn’t live a full time with us. Hey, that’s life right? Mystery and questions of will tomorrow come or not, it’s unsolved until it actually happens.

Without having many friends because of my hectic life after the death of my father, my weekend jobs to help out my mother and studying until 2AM in the mornings, life in New York was still really nice. I didn’t mind it, and I wouldn’t change it for anything - that was until my mother got a job offer overseas, to teach abroad in Korea. Yeah, Korea, that’s a huge change, right? Moving from New York to Korea, a massive culture shock, especially right before my junior year of high school. Although I had no choice, being a minor I wasn’t allowed to live alone, the only family I had left was my grandparents from my father and mother’s side. Mother’s lived in Canada, the land of freezing cold winters and sometimes even snow in May. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my winters but snow in spring? I’m not even kidding guys there was deadass snow in May and I was crying my ass lives in Canada and I’m not even surprised I JUST WANT MY WARMTH Really, I’m fine with winter it’s a beautiful season but I prefer my winters to stay in December and I like my warmth during spring and summer. So that was not happening anytime soon. Then there was the option of my grandparents from my father’s side but they lived overseas in Korea - so at this point, there was really no option I had to leave New York, I had to leave NYA behind and start a completely new life. Live in a foreign country where I wouldn’t know anyone besides family and I had to work on speaking a whole new language. See, I know bits of Korean and I can understand it - thanks to my father being Korean, but I suck at speaking it. Now, of course, my mother and I looked into it to get me into an international school so it’d be easier for me to adjust, but I still felt unease. Everything would be so different, totally new people, teachers, school a whole new country. I’m not the best at change but...for this I had no choice, it was for my mother, the sake of her job and our living.

And so here I am in Seoul city the capital of South Korea.

I arrived here in early June, around the time school was ending for Korean students. My mother and I were provided with a small studio in the city, acquired transit passes and I surprisingly ended up with a job. It wasn’t much I just got to work in an Arts Shop as a cashier, for the time being before school begun once again in August, it was weird because school for me usually started in September, but I guess that’s the beauty of culture change, adjusting to new routines and lifestyles. Of course, my grandparents gave us some money to last until second month’s rent and invited us over for dinners to help us save some before mother started her work.

The owner of the Arts Shop was very kind, an old man who sat behind a counter every day reading the newspaper and always had a bright smile talking to customers, and currently I was in his position - without the smile. I was spending five hours of my vacation days in a foreign country behind a counter of a shop which old ladies, teachers and parents visited. There were the rays of the bright sun which shone into the store, lighting it up during the day and bringing in heat. The air conditioning wasn’t available so I was left to cool down with any paper or book I could fan myself with, it wasn’t very useful but the best I could do.

“Excuse me, I have a quick question.” A boy came up to the counter with a bright smile. He had dyed blonde hair covering his forehead, round glasses and a yellow t-shirt. His eyes a shade of brown, chocolate-coloured if I must say, sort of hazel with the sunlight on his features.

“Excuse me?” He waved a hand in front of my face, knocking me out my trance.

“Oh yes, sorry.” I shifted my gaze to the counter top in embarrassment. Was I staring? I can’t be, oh boy he probably thinks I’m a creep. “How may I help you?”

“Well there’s two things, first do you have any of these paints?”

I examined the empty bottle of paint he placed on the counter. “Ah, asianpaint’s oil paint. That should be in soon, just not in stock today sorry to dissapoint.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Second question?”

“Any idea when they’ll be in?” He anticipated.

“Possibly in a week, but that’s if they don’t get held up somewhere in transport.”

“Oh alright, well thank you.” He bowed, grabbing his empty paint bottle stuffing it into his backpack and walking out the door.

Now, that boy I’ve been seeing him every day since I’ve started working, which wasn’t really that long ago, maybe it had been just one week? I see him every day in the same spot, he’ll come around during the evening and sketch in his book while drinking a milkshake, strawberry I think? I caught myself waiting for him to show up each time. In fact, I started to realize how cute he actually was- if only I had socialist abilities but I don’t think they’ll be out any time soon.

The next day passed by as the same old routine: wake up, eat breakfast, mother and I would head out to my grandparent’s to check in, then at 3:00PM I’d be here to work until 6:00 or 8:00 you know depending on how exhausted I was. I would then head home to eat dinner and then sleep. The next day would just be a repeat of the previous one. Today was just like any other, except with a slight change - the manager asked me to come in a little late to close up shop since he had other duties to attend to early and so I accepted. I walked in at about 6:00 and closed up shop around 9:00 it wasn’t that busy considering many people would be having dinner between this time and so no one came in, giving me the opportunity to sit down and play games on my phone, scroll through Instagram and such.

As the clock hit 9 I began to check around the shop to make sure everything was okay, I locked the entrance door and walked out from the exit. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to meet with the cute milkshake boy who would always sketch. It was a bummer really but, lately, he’s been talking to me, nothing too big just little conversations of ‘how was your day’ ‘have you been well’ and little jokes here and there. It was quite nice actually, made me feel like I was being accepted.

As I started to walk away I turned the corner bumping into someone, falling backwards with a hard hit to my tailbone and smashing my head on the ground. I groaned from the pain and my eyes squeezed shut feeling a weight on top of me. I sat up as I felt the weight of the stranger lift off me, speaking incoherent apologies and ‘I should’ve looked where I was going’. My brain adjusted my vision from the hard fall to the night lights, fixing the blurred face of the stranger. My eyes grew wide from the surprise of who the stranger was, I swear they almost popped out of their sockets.

“Milkshake boy,” I said as I groaned, the back of my head throbbing from pain.

“Are you okay?” He asked in concern, rubbing his elbow as it bled due to the scratches from the concrete. “Can you see how many fingers there are?” He waved three fingers in front of my face.

“Three.” I hissed rubbing the back of my head. He let out a sigh of relief and stood up helping me get on my feet as well. Losing my balance I let out a yelp as I began to fall once again, the boy’s arm wrapping around my waist to keep me up. Looking up, I thanked him for preventing a second fall, eventually making eye contact I giggled at our position - a dip with his arm around my waist and our faces close to our noses barely brushing each other- confusing the boy at my abrupt laughter he furrowed his eyebrows until he came to realize how we stood and our closeness. He blushed, his cheeks turning a tint of pink helping me up to stand on my own. his gaze shifted to the ground as he fiddled with his thumbs from the embarrassment.

I cleared my throat to speak breaking the awkward atmosphere,

“you’re milkshake boy, right?”

“w-what?” He looked up with wide eyes. “is that how you acknowledge me? Milkshake boy?”

“Uh yeah, kind of - you never really told me your name.”

“Oh...” he trailed off from the realization, “Sorry, my name’s Renjun.” he extended his arm for a handshake.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N” I smiled. “Still prefer calling you milkshake boy though, it works better.”

“Well if you’re going to be calling me that...” he scrunched his nose, placing a hand on his chin in thought. “I might as well keep calling you counter girl.”

“counter girl?” I questioned. “is that the best you came up with?”

“the most decent one.” he corrected. “there was also Arts Shop girl, cute counter girl-”

“cute?” I raised a brow from his confession.

“w-what- oh!” Renjun panicked from his accidental slip up. “no, no! I meant like uh..well it didn’t work that well.”

“So you don’t think I’m cute?” I teased.

“no, no that's not it I-”

“I’m joking!” I laughed. “Loosen up a little.” Renjun rubbed the back of his neck as his face got a darker shade of pink from his continued embarrassment. He was really adorable from afar, but boy was he even cuter red-faced, and when his nose scrunched up, oh boy. I think my heart melted.

“What are you doing here so late?” Renjun questioned. “Don’t you usually come in the afternoons?”

“Oh, so you stalk me now?” I teased, making Renjun flush as he denied. “Wow, you really do blush easily.”

“What, no I don't!” Renjun said flustered. “I just- it’s cold.”

“Yeah, it’s cold in 18 degrees Celsius and that's why you’re constantly red not because of every time I tease you,” I smirked. Renjun gave a stern nod crossing his arms over his chest.

“That’s right.”

“Whatever you say milkshake boy.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I have to be getting home now-”

“What? Alone at night?”

“Well yeah, what about it?” I tilted my head to the side.

“It’s just so late.” Renjun said concerned. “What if anything happens to you? You shouldn’t be out alone this time of night.”

“How do I know you won’t murder me?” I crossed my arms over my chest, teasingly cocking up an eyebrow.

“I would rather not be someone suspected for murder,” Renjun laughed. “Plus I’d probably get kicked out of my art program.”

“Art program?” I questioned. “You’re in an art program?”

“Yeah, don’t be teasing me or any-“

“No, no! That’s really cool, I used to be in one.” I exclaimed. “I love art so much, it’s one of my greatest passions.”

“Really? Why aren’t you in it anymore?” Renjun asked.

“I used to live in New York with my mom, then we moved to Korea because she got a really good job offer.” I smiled.

“Oh I see, New York yeah? Is the cheese cake as good as they say?”

“I wouldn’t know,” I chuckled. “I never really liked cheese cake.”

“Whoa really? Anything you did like?”

“Hotdogs actually, I ate them everyday after school - I kind of got sick of them at one point so I ended up switching between fries and hotdogs.”

“Understandable,” Renjun laughed. Gosh, his laugh was so pleasing, it could probably calm tsunamis and gather animals around him like in fairy tales when the Princesses sing - his laugh was a perfect melody. “My sister should be here to pick me up soon, let me give you a ride.” He offered.

“What? No, I couldn’t let you do that, we just met.”

“Come on, please?” Renjun pout. “It’s either you let me drive you or you give me your number so I can check up on you to make sure you got home safe.”

“Oh,” I blushed looking down at my feet. Did he just ask for my number?

“I’d probably have nightmares if I found out I let you walk alone and someone murdered you.” He grabbed my arm. “Let me drop you home.”

I nodded my head, “102 Jeongu, I live up in the apartment.” My face was still flushed and god it was so embarrassing, a few minutes ago I was literally teasing him for getting flustered easily and now the tables have turned. He smiled as I told him my address turning around to the street as a bright light shone on us.

“Noona!” He said heading over to the car. He opened the door signaling me in. I shyly greeted his sister as he introduced us and drove me home. I felt sort of bad though, I didn’t even know where his house was, what if it was on the completely opposite end? Gosh that would fill me up with so much guilt but I was thankful for the ride as it saved my legs from the pain of walking 30 minutes and the possible dangers of the night - you know the possibility of me getting murdered or kidnapped by someone, which I doubt but not really impossible. In all honesty, I hated the dark anyways, it’s childish but I’ve always been scared of it I don’t know why? I’ve just never been comfortable enough to be alone surrounded by pitch black. Possibly the outcome of all the horror movies I’ve watched.

Arriving at the apartment doors I thanked them and asked if they would like something in return for the favour, both denying for the return of anything.

“It was our pleasure,” Renjun’s sister warmly smiled.

“Just stay safe, okay?” Renjun flashed a bright smile waving as they drove off.

I walked to my apartment and greeted my mother who sat on the couch reading a People’s Magazine. Wishing her a goodnight I got myself ready for bed, my mind playing out the encounter with milkshake boy as we stood close our noses almost brushing each other’s. Should I have kissed him? No, wait wait that’s wrong - I’d come off too strong and probably drove him away. I really wouldn’t mind kissing him, his lips were so pretty and pink, they seemed soft so perfect to attach mine to. Maybe one day, I sighed. One day, as long as he’s not a douche - please don’t be a douche, uh what was his name again? Renjun? Yeah, Renjun. And so, I drifted off to sleep after the surprise event of today hoping tomorrow to be another.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this!! Please feel free to DM or comment below your thoughts and send in requests if you wish!! I’ll be making a part 2 as long as this post gets let’s say uhhh 30+ notes likes and such !! <3 take care of yourselves,, lovelies!! - Doyoung’s Darling [PART 2 HAS BEEN POSTED LINK ABOVE!!]

[therandomfics]

Strangers Pt 2

Dominick, also known as isirac, had become quite the interesting individual. He was in his 30′s, worked for the city, and was a family oriented kind of person. He was charming, polite, handsome, and articulate. He was you, but with male genitalia. That’s why he was such a person of interest - but not for your case, for you. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you’d met up with BHUNT03, Brendon, and were absolutely flabbergasted by the fact that one person could be so in love with their own existence. 

“Yeah, I’ve been here a little while and it just isn’t really my speed,” Brendon had said over dinner. He’d chosen a place that screamed tourist, but you didn’t want to be rude and mention that you’d lived here long enough not to enjoy the cheap thrills of I <3 NY on everything. Plus, as you’d told him several times in the past two weeks, you were from Boston. 

You’d nodded and tried to stomach the idea of anyone wanting to actually be with this guy. “Maybe you should move back to Austin?” you had suggested - harmless, but apparently offensive. 

He scoffed. “See that’s what’s wrong with all of you women up here. You all think you’re hot shit, like you’re better than someone else based on their accent or their hometown. It’s no wonder you’re 30 and single.” 

“Right. You’re 34, correct? 34 and single, and in a city that you hate. Must be a dream come true.” You had excused yourself a few moments later and left. Brendon was a prime suspect for your case now, with all of his pent up anger and lack of respect. Interesting. 

That night you went home and got on your computer to message Dominick. 

Omg.. I just had the worst date of my life. Pretty sure if I hadn’t be vigilant he would have tried to off me in the parking lot. Tell me you’re having better luck? 

isirac: Hell no. The girl I keep trying to take out on a date can’t be bothered with me. 

Surely not. Look at you, Dominick. You’re handsome and smart! Who could say no to you?

isirac: Well then let me take you out, Y/N. I won’t be conventional. Meet me for breakfast in the morning? I have to go in at 8, school starts at 8... so, 6? 

He’d remembered your lie about being a teacher. But, also, he was asking you out, and you thought you might actually like him, so the lying bit was a lot more difficult suddenly. 

Sure! Here’s my number. Text me, and we’ll plan a place to meet up, okay? 

Your phone lit up only a few minutes later. 

Dominick: How about Al Cappucino’s? 

You: Sounds good. I’ll make sure I wear a red sweater so you notice me. 

Dominick: I scarcely believe I’d miss you. 

You: See you in the morning. :) 

Who could sleep? You stayed up that night sorting through the wild abandon of Meet and Mingle, wondering how some of these men were raised, how many of them were predators in the making, and how many of them might actually not be looking for romance at all. 

When you arrived that morning at Al’s, you took a deep breath and walked inside. There he was, sharp as he could be in a pressed suit leaning against the coffee bar. Good. God. He was even more attractive in person and that was no small feat. 

“Hey, Dominick,” you called out, offering him a small wave. 

“Y/N! You didn’t blow me off! I’m shocked,” he laughed, and greeted you with a polite but warm hug. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, honestly.” 

“Let’s sit.” 

You sat down across from him and studied his face for a long moment, taking in the softness of his eyes and the way that his hair was perfectly coiffed. His suit was well tailored and you couldn’t help but notice that he was noticing you, too. 

“I feel like I’ve known you for a long time,” you confessed and felt your cheeks growing red. What were you doing? This was an UC operation. You don’t fall for the potential suspects. 

He didn’t miss a beat or alienate you. “I feel the same way. You’re just really easy to talk to, and honestly after some of the things I see at work, I just want someone that I can have an honest conversation with, y’know?” 

In between bites of the food that you’d ordered, you learned that Dominick had been a life long resident of New York, was a huge fan of anything to do with New York sports, he was Catholic, he was an uncle, he was passionate about his work, and he was really, really smart. Apparently he’d wrapped up law school and was teetering on the fence between his current job, and moving on to practice law. 

“You’re impressive,” you commented, that same blush appearing on his face. “You make me look pretty lame. I teach US History and Political Systems at a school in Brooklyn. Kids these days are pretty.. what do they say, savage? They make me feel old. But, that’s besides the point. I want to know when we’re gonna go see a game together.” 

The clock struck 7:15 and you both sighed. It was time to part ways and head to work. He would go to his job with the city, and you’d go to Brooklyn SVU - or, Millennium High School, whichever. You both stood and walked to the door together, out onto the sidewalk where the city that never slept was waking up from a cat nap. 

“Call me sometime? Sooner rather than later,” he suggested, and opened his arms to you. 

You stepped into the hug and lingered there for a moment. It felt so wonderful to have the touch of another human being; one that wasn’t trying to hit you for arresting them. “I will. But, the phone goes both ways,” you reminded him and pulled away. “See you soon, I hope.” 

“There’s this guy name Brendon Hunt, he’s 34 and works on Wall Street. He’s an asshole and I’m beginning to think a tyrannical misogynist. Look into him,” you said over the phone to TARU. Maybe he’s talked to someone else and they’re missing, or worse. He’s from Austin, TX from what he told me.” You hung up the phone and began scouring through your inbox again. One message stood out among the rest. 

quidproquo: You’re very pretty. Stop dating these jackasses in suits and talk to me instead. 

What makes you think I’m dating a jackass in a suit?

quidproquo: Because I saw you at 7AM. 

Saw me where? 

quidproquo: Al Cappucino’s. 

Your heart stopped for a moment and you grabbed your phone, making a quick call back to TARU. You gave them the user name and let them do their magic, hoping for a result. On the other end of the phone you heard the clicking and typing of the agent trying to find a result for you, but they seemed to be finding nothing but dead ends. 

“It’s coming from an Internet Cafe in Queens.” 

“I haven’t been to Queens in fucking ages,” you grumbled. “Okay. Alright, thank you. If you find anything else out, let me know please. Thank you, again.” 

Hiding out in Queens? What a shame, I heard that place is a slum. 

quidproquo is not receiving messages at this time. 

You tried to click on his profile, but it was suddenly deleted. You screen shot the messages and emailed them to yourself, copying Captain Walker, before shutting your laptop and taking a step back to clear your head. Maybe it was Brendon? Maybe he was mad that you’d gone out with someone else so quickly - but, then why would he be following you? Unless, of course, he had hacked into your profile, which wouldn’t be too surprising if he was as crazy as you suspected. 

Against your better judgement, you opened your laptop back up and went to your inbox again. You had three new messages waiting for you from the past two days, and you knew it was important to keep going until you found the person you were looking for. 

bklawyer06: Sorry you’re so lonely. New York isn’t for everyone, but it looks like we both live in Brooklyn so maybe sometime we’ll run into one another. Maybe sooner rather than later. 

You’re sweet to say that, thank you. Yes, it is pretty lonely but, I can’t imagine why you’d be lonely. A single lawyer in Brooklyn? You’re like a unicorn. 

bklawyer06: Hahaha yeah i guess so but that’s because my office is in Manhattan and the girls there really aren’t my type. All i see are courtrooms, clients, and pretentious women who wear knock off YSL like no one knows. Gotta love Manhattan. 

Lol I feel you there. I avoid the place if I can, really, which is easy bc I work and live here in Brooklyn. Easy commute, too!

B: What do you do, if you don’t mind that I ask? 

I teach US History at Millennium. 

I graduated from MBHS. Does Mrs. Frazier still work in the front office? 

Shit. He wasn’t supposed to ask those kinds of questions. After a quick google search, you found that she had retired last year. 

No, she retired, but it’s a small world isn’t it? I bet we’ve passed by one another before and didn’t even realize. 

B: Next time you pass me by, let me know. You look pretty hot in your pictures so I’d like to see the real thing some time. 

The day’s early. I was planning on going for a run later, maybe you’ll be out? Brooklyn’s kind of large, though. 

B: Take a run through Bennett Field. I was gonna take my dog out around 6. Oh, my name is Daniel. 

Okay, I’ll look for a cute guy with a dog. That’s like, impossible to find. I’m Y/N. See you in a while. 

Did you usually run? No. Were you going to tonight? No, you’d probably jog into the open area of Bennett Field and then stop. It wasn’t that you weren’t in shape, but usually you ran to chase someone down, and you hoped it wouldn’t be that way tonight. You holstered your service weapon in your shoulder harness and slipped your jacket over it, concealing your real reason for the visit, and headed out the door. 

When you arrived, you slowed your pace and jogged idly around the park for about ten minutes before you saw a some-what familiar face. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he called out, his dog jumping wildly in excitement. 

“Hey, Daniel. Nice to see you in person.” You stood a few feet away from him and crouched down to invite his dog over. “Who’s this?” 

“That’s Molly. She loves new people,” he commented and let his eyes wander up and down your body. “You’re prettier in person.” 

You laughed and stood up. “Thanks. I guess I can’t say you’re pretty because that’s too feminine but, you are attractive. Molly, though, is totally gorgeous.” 

Daniel was nice, you decided, although a little forward. It was obvious that he was nervous and wanted to make a good impression somehow, and you just didn’t have the ability to tell him it wasn’t worth the anxiety. He practiced Family Law - he was a divorce lawyer - and had been for two years. He graduated from Baylor and moved back home after college. You made up your story as you went and tried to remember key details of your facade. It went well, and he asked to see you again. 

“Yeah, that would be great,” you agreed. “Should we.. trade numbers?” 

He nodded enthusiastically and handed you his phone. “Put your number in.” 

As you pretended to type, you quickly pulled up his contacts list and looked for the names of the two girls you’d found weeks before. No luck. You typed your number in and handed the phone back. “I’ve gotta get back, but text me sometime and we can get together. Maybe something more formal.” 

After you got back home and showered, you checked your phone to see if you had any news from TARU. You didn’t, but you did have a new text from Dominick. 

D: How was your day? 

You: Hey. I was just thinking about you. It was good, can’t complain much. You?

D: Not bad. I just got home a little while ago. Cleaned up and ready for bed. Is 9PM too early for bed? 

You: Absolutely not. My bedtime is 9:30, don’t feel bad. 

D: What are you doing this weekend? 

You: Grading papers, wishing I had won the lottery. What’s up?

D: Idk nothing, I just wanted to see you. 

You: Okay. :) I think we can make that work. 

You wanted to tell him about your mysterious message from earlier but you knew that it would raise red flags. Why would anyone stalk a teacher? Plus you didn’t want to alarm him, either. Maybe it was just someone being an asshole. You’d find out more tomorrow, hopefully. 

[barinacraft]

Stinger ↠ Drinks Up History As Crème de la Crème

High Society's After Dinner After-Party

A Stinger is a classic cocktail (of sorts) mixed with Cognac and white crème de menthe.* Perceived as an upper class after dinner drink if you will, its mint flavor has deceived many with ordinary brandy as their swill.

How To Make The Perfect Stinger

Stinger Cocktail Recipe:

1 ½ oz brandy or Cognac

½ oz white creme de menthe

1 mint leaf for garnish

Add to a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake ingredients thoroughly. Strain into a chilled glass and garnish with a mint leaf.

Many Stinger drink variations call for a lower ratio of Cognac to liqueur of say 2:1 or even lower. If you're unsure, its easy to start with that recipe and then adjust to taste by adding more brandy to stiffen the spirits if desired. Or, vice versa.

History of the Stinger Drink Recipe

The Backstory - Let Me In, I'm Filthy RICH!

The Stinger has long been associated with social status, which itself was once defined by the Vanderbilts who symbolized American Royalty during the Gilded Age. Patriarch Cornelius "Commodore" Vanderbilt built the family business from scratch by turning a $100 loan from his mother into a $100 million fortune before his death in 1877.

But, his was new money ...

And to be truly accepted into the upper echelons of 'Society' you had to be on Caroline Astor and Ward McAllister's list of the 400 people who were considered fashionable. Old money dominated the elite New York socialite crowd back then and Lina thought railroad riches were distasteful.

Often identified, qualified and then picked from the Social Register, members of the aristocracy lead the way in a clash of old money versus new money struggling for acceptance in the Social 400. This meant Alva, wife of the Commodore's grandson William Kissam Vanderbilt, would have to find a new way in.

She decided to flaunt her wealth and make a list of her own.†

It all started by building an opulent mansion on Fifth Avenue followed by a lavish housewarming party hyped in the press and held on March 26, 1883. Her exclusive guest list included invitations to all of society's highest ranking members along with a select group of young debutantes with one notable exception, Mrs. Astor's daughter Carrie.

Social customs dictated that Miss Astor couldn't be invited since her mother had never visited the Vanderbilt home. Or so Alva claimed.

As a result, Mrs. Astor came calling and the Astors' invitations arrived the next day. A reciprocal request to attend the Astor's upcoming annual ball meant formal acceptance of the Vanderbilts into New York society's upper echelon.

Guess it pays to have a plan.

4th Generation Vanderbilt Mixology

Fast forward a few decades and it was time to check in to see how things were going inside The 400.

After inheriting over ten million dollars and then another five when his brother Alfred died a hero aboard the RMS Lusitania in WWI, Reginald Claypoole Vanderbilt was living it up as an equestrian down on the Sandy Point Farm in Portsmouth, Rhode Island.‡ With a reputation as a playboy and avid gambler, Reggie was also famous for his country estate's "home bar."

Modeled after one in the William the Conqueror tavern in the seaside resort town of Deauville, France in the Calvados department of Normandy, it was spectacular and a status symbol like no other. What better way to celebrate the good life than a round of drinks among friends in grand style?

Long the stuff of legend (reputed to suck down lots at his favorite NY speakeasy, The Colony), this 1923 article made the scuttlebutt official and forever associated Reginald with his specialty behind the bar, the Stinger.1 He fancied himself an expert bartender and did everything from the squeezing and the shaking himself. That included the serving, even though he had servants.

So, Mr. Vanderbilt is largely credited with making the Stinger acceptable as a cocktail for other occasions too including morning, noon and nightcap apparently. In the 1957 musical comedy High Society for example, Bing Crosby heads to the butler's pantry, one of many bars in the movie's mansions, and hands a morning drink to Grace Kelly as “doctor's orders” after a long night of champagne and wine. Asked what it is, he said:

Oh, just the juice of a few fresh flowers called a Stinger ... removes the sting.

This drink has been in the movies outside of the upper crust of high society as well. Other notable featured film and TV appearances include The Bishop's Wife (1947), Kiss Them For Me (1957), The Apartment (1960), Gorky Park (1983) and Mad Men season one episode "Nixon v. Kennedy," set in 1960 along with season three episode two "Love Among the Ruins," set in 1963.

Stinger Drink Timeline with Related Recipe Milestones

Nibbling Along - But Not Quite A Bite

Prior to actually being stung, there was definitely a "sting in the air." Several recipe formulations pre-dated the soon to be Stinger standard that could be classified as iterations or similar drinks like those listed below, but were left in the timeline to illustrate the progression.

1892 The Judge - It called for a 2:1 ratio of brandy to crème de menthe along with a few dashes of gum syrup to sweeten things up. Sound familiar?

The Paymaster - Same proportions as above with bitters replacing the sweetener. Plus, a lemon-peel garnish on the glass brim.2

1895 Brant Cocktail - A renamed Paymaster drink with Angostura bitters and white crème de menthe called out specifically as ingredients.3

1900 Ice Trust Cocktail - Eight years later, the "Only William" of lower Broadway, who created The Paymaster and The Judge drinks above, decided equal parts plain was the perfect potion.4

Finally Stung - A Cocktail Chronology

1909 The Stinger - William T. "Cocktail Bill" Boothby, San Francisco bartender extraordinaire, is said to have left a note tucked into the back of one of his earlier books supposedly for possible inclusion in a later edition. In it he credits J. C. O'Conner, the proprietor of the "handsomest cafe for gentlemen in the world," located on the corner of Market and Eddy Streets in S. F., Calif.

Mr. O'Conner's formula stiffens the predecessors with a 3:1 ratio and caters to those with more expensive taste by specifying Cognac over ordinary brandy. Its shaken and served cold in a sherry glass. No garnish.

As for the date, its sometime after 1909 since his establishment didn't exist prior. Just exactly how long after is unknown and open to debate.5

1912 1st bartending book to actually print the Stinger recipe—maybe. Even though there seems to be consensus, 'circa' clouds the circumstance and we have been unable to confirm the calendar.6

Equal parts Rex Cognac and creme de menthe (white). Frapped.

1913 Popularity is plausible according to the Washington Herald which stated that both the Stinger (half brandy & half white mint cream) and the Green Dragon (green mint cream topped with white absinthe over ice) were on the rise. In hindsight, it looks like the latter didn't fulfill its promise, but the former certainly did.7

Half and half garnished with a lemon peel is what's mixed up in what may really be the Stinger's first formal trade publication appearance. No spirits from a specific region in France had to be brandied about in this recipe though.8

Amer Picon is said to have been the main ingredient of the Bustanoby brothers version at their famous ladies bar Café de Beaux Arts according to the New York Times back then. Very Campari-ble [sic]

1914 Cognac is back. One half pony glass of each. Shaken with ice and strained into an ungarnished vermouth glass.9

1916 Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, or so says this barkeeper's bible. A couple dashes is all that's needed along with a base of 75% of the good stuff and 25% minty cream liqueur.10

Apparently, Reggie V. liked to splash a little absinthe in his for some extra sting as well.

1917 Country Club Style - St. Louis Country Club style in particular that is. One jigger of really old brandy mixed with one pony of white creme de menthe. That's a 3:2 ratio for those of you following along at home. Shake well with ice, strain and serve.11

Date Check

1933 From Sawdust To Upper Crust - Why did a little bartending book from Oshkosh, Wisconsin (once known as the "Sawdust Capital of the World") contain what appeared to be the first Stinger recipe in print, instead of one from a fancy East Coast publishing house?

Circa bites again. Only this time it was supposedly 1910.12

However, unlike the one from two years later (listed above), we were able to confirm that this promotional booklet was actually printed right after the Repeal of Prohibition which itself was on December 5, 1933. This was followed by ads for the brochure from Wiese Auto & Radio Sales in the Racine, Wisconsin Journal Times and the Universal Motor Company's Mixing Guide For Boatmen in Motor Boating - The Yachtsmen's Magazine in late December 1933 and March 1934, respectively. Both urged you to obtain your own copy of 101 Drinks and How to Mix Them by either coming in person or requesting delivery by mail in care of an Oshkosh address.

Direct mail marketing added a shot of humor to the mix of this particular recipe by joking:

Our pet bee took a sip of this once and threw a jealous fit.

Good one.

Its Official

Although David Embury, Don Marquis, Joyce Kilmer and others may disagree, the Stinger is an IBA official cocktail in their Unforgettables category. Their 5:2 after-dinner formula may be beloved, but many dissenting comments have been made over the years as to whether that drink style in particular is applicable.

White mint and brandy shaken up together with cracked ice make a good substitute for a cocktail. ~ Joyce Kilmer13

Of course, a cocktail or two and an occasional Stinger, is something no one can well avoid taking, if one is dining out or having supper after the theater with one's own particular crowd. ~ Hermione14

Liqueurs should never (with the possible exception of a very few drinks such as the Stinger, which is not really a cocktail) dominate and overpower the flavor of the base. ~ David Embury15

You, of course, will have to judge for yourself. But, whatever its classification, it certainly is unforgettable.

Plus, here's something I think we can all agree on:

Cocktails should be sipped, not gulped, and should remain stinging cold to the last drop. ~ Embury

Hear, hear.

Party Perfect

Stingers are not really Christmas drinks per se, they're much more all season. But, the minty flavor does fit other Christmassy themes like candy canes and such so they definitely make for some happy holidays.

This drink is also a namesake for the Columbus Blue Jackets NHL hockey team mascot Stinger, the “Bug with an Attitude.” Chosen as a symbol of the people of Columbus, OH who are known for their hard work and team pride, Central Ohio is becoming a hardcore hockey hotbed.

Wonder if Reggie was a fan?

Drinks Similar To The Stinger Cocktail

Mixing brandy with green crème de menthe, in place of white, yields an Emerald cocktail / Green Hornet drink. However, many recipes claiming the same name(s) use other green liqueur substitutions and host a hodgepodge of hooch mainly for St. Patrick's Day concoctions.

You can also replace base spirits and include the alternate in the naming pre-fix as in Amaretto, Gin, Rum, Tequila and Vodka Stingers et al.16 The list goes on and on.

Others akin with a spin include:

Alexander's Sister - dry gin, green creme de menthe and light cream.

American Beauty - brandy, white crème de menthe, French vermouth, grenadine syrup, orange juice and port wine.

By The Sea - green crème de menthe, brandy and kirschwasser.

Devil Drink - an Emerald with a dash of cayenne pepper.

Dry Stinger - brandy, lime juice and white crème de menthe.

Gamma Ray - VSOP Armagnac, white crème de menthe, cayenne pepper and flamed lemon peel twist.

Gentleman's Cocktail No. 2 - bourbon whiskey, brandy, crème de menthe and club soda.

Hell - a Stinger dashed with red pepper.

Miami Cocktail - white Cuban rum and crème de menthe with lime or lemon juice.

Shamrock Sip - green cream of mint liqueur, gin and egg white with lemon and orange juice.

Snapper - white crème de menthe and gin.

Stingeree - half-n-half with a dash or two of absinthe.

White Way Cocktail - a Snapper with dry gin.

References

* - Not to be confused with the 'stengah' drink popular in the British Empire in Asia which is mixed with equal amounts of whisky and soda water. Derived from the Malay word 'setengah' meaning half.

† - Broyles, Susannah. "Vanderbilt Ball – how a costume ball changed New York elite society." MCNY Blog: New York Stories. 06 August, 2013.

‡ - While unrelated, ingredient-wise, the Vanderbilt cocktail was created and named for his older brother Alfred in 1922.

1 - "Behind the Curtains With The '400.'" The Indianapolis Star. 08 July, 1923.

2 - William Schmidt, The Flowing Bowl - What and When to Drink (New York: Charles L. Webster, 1891), 160 and 169. Print.

3 - George Kappeler, Modern American Drinks - How to Mix and Serve All Kinds of Cups and Drinks (New York: Merriam, 1895), 33. Print.

4 - "Summer Drinks." The Saint Paul Globe. 02 July, 1900.

5 - William T. (Cocktail) Boothby, American Bar-Tender (San Francisco: Anchor Distilling, 2009). Print.

6 - Holtz & Freystedt Co. Importers; compiled by E.J.M., The Great American Cocktail (New York: Holtz & Freystedt, ca. 1912), 26. Print.

7 - "Balkan Idea At Last Reaches Summer Drinks." The Washington Herald. 22 June, 1913.

8 - Jacques Straub, Straub's Manual of Mixed Drinks (Chicago: R. Francis Welsh, 1913), 101. Print.

9 - Ernest P. Rawling, Rawling's Book of Mixed Drinks - An Up to Date Guide for Mixing and Serving All Kinds of Beverages and Written Expressly for the Man Who Entertains at Home (San Francisco: Guild Press, 1914), 84. Print.

10 - J. A. Grohusko, Jack's Manual on The Vintage and Production, Care, and Handling of Wines, Liquors, etc. A Handbook of Information for Home, Club or Hotel (New York: McClunn & Co., 1916), 122. Print.

11 - Thomas Bullock, The Ideal Bartender (St. Louis: Buxton & Skinner, 1917), 47. Print.

12 - 101 Drinks and how to Mix Them (Oshkosh, Wisconsin: Direct Mail Associates, Inc. and Dean W. Geer Co., ca. 1933), 12. Print.

13 - Annie Kilburn Kilmer, Memories Of My Son Sergeant Joyce Kilmer (New York: Brentano's, 1920), 89. Print. Note: individual letter was dated May 27, 1914.

14 - Don Marquis, Hermione and Her Little Group of Serious Thinkers (New York and London: D. Appleton and Company, 1916), 150. Print.

15 - David A. Embury, The Fine Art of Mixing Drinks (New York: Doubleday, 1948), 8. Print. Note: He also comments on page 143 that the Stinger formulated with equal proportions, like the Coffee cocktail (typically sugar syrup, port, brandy and a whole egg), isn't really a true cocktail. But, it can be converted into a dry and very palatable one like the Miami by substituting brandy for rum in the latter.

16 - A Vodka Stinger has also been known as a White Spider cocktail as far back as 1959 when Smirnoff published their How To Give A Vodka Party promotional pamphlet. Their White Spider drink recipe was a 3:1 ratio of Smirnoff vodka to Heublein white creme de menthe.

[homestuckcanonconfirmer]

15 Up-and-Coming best keyboard for beginners

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens tracks that she wrote over ten years ago, the lady who arrived to get acknowledged only because the piano teacher offered what, in hindsight, looks as if an eerie glimpse of her possess upcoming.

Im transferring absent now to a location so distant, exactly where nobody is familiar with my identify, she wrote from the lyrics of a music named Shifting.

When she wrote that music, she was young and vivacious, a piano Trainer and freelance music writer who liked Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Appears, lengthy walks and every thing about Big apple.

On one of those beloved walks, via Central Park in the intense Solar of a June day in 1996, a homeless drifter defeat her and attempted to rape her, leaving her clinging to lifetime. Once the attack, the text to her song came real. She moved absent, from Ny city, away from her aged everyday living, and all but her closest good friends didn't know her name. To the remainder of the world, she was -- just like the extra well known jogger attacked in Central Park 7 decades previously -- an nameless symbol of the urban nightmare. She was the piano Trainer.

Now, within the 10th anniversary on the attack, she is celebrating what seems to be her whole recovery from Mind trauma. She is 42, married, with a little kid. She's Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano Trainer, and he or she wishes to convey to her Tale, her way.

Her medical doctor informed her it would consider 10 years to Get well, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I sense my life has long been redefined by Central Park, she explained numerous days back, her voice delicate and hopeful. Prior to park; just after park. Will there at any time be a time After i dont Imagine, Oh, This can be the 10th anniversary, the eleventh anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch household inside of a wooded subdivision in a very Ny suburb. She sat within a eating home strewn with toys, surrounded by photos of her cherubic, dark-haired 2-calendar year-outdated daughter. A Steinway grand stuffed fifty percent the home, and at one particular position she sat down and played. Her participating in was forceful, but she appeared humiliated to Engage in more than a few bars, and shrugged, in lieu of answering, when asked the name on the piece. She asked that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that day, June 4, 1996, the day Once i was harm.

Hers was the initial inside a string of attacks by exactly the same man on 4 Gals over 8 times. The final sufferer, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was overwhelmed to Demise as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and in the long run, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to existence in jail.

Yet the assault on the piano teacher may be the 1 persons look to keep in mind the most. Element of the fascination should do with echoes of the 1989 assault about the Central Park jogger. But Additionally, it frightened individuals in a way the assault to the jogger did not since its circumstances were being so mundane.

It did not take place inside of a distant Element of the park late at nighttime, but around a well known playground at three inside the afternoon. It could have occurred to anybody. The tension was heightened via the secret from the piano lecturers identification.

For 3 times, as police and Health professionals tried using to find out who she was, she lay inside a coma in her healthcare facility bed, nameless. Her moms and dads were being on family vacation and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Last but not least, one of her learners recognized a police sketch and was able to recognize her in the clinic by her fingers, due to the fact her face was swollen over and above recognition. The law enforcement did not release her name.

The last thing she remembers about June four, 1996, is providing a lesson in her studio condominium on West 57th Avenue, then putting her long hair inside a ponytail and heading out for a stroll. She isn't going to don't forget the attack, Though she has read the accounts on the police and prosecutors.

To me its similar to a fact I learned and memorized, she claimed. As though I were a scholar in class learning background.

She does not consider the man who did it. I might need been angry for your moment, although not much longer than that, she said. How could I be offended at John Royster? He was declared not insane, but I guess by our criteria he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her medical doctor at Ny Healthcare facility-Cornell Professional medical Heart, as it was known in 1996, told reporters that she experienced a 10 % chance of survival. Medical practitioners experienced to get rid of her forehead bone, which was later replaced, to produce home for her swelling Mind. When her mother created a general public appeal to pray for my daughter, 1000's did.

Immediately after eight times, she arrived away from a coma, initially within a vegetative state, then within a childlike state. As she recovered, she slept small and talked continually, in some cases in gibberish. I had been obtaining mad at people when they didnt respond to these text, she claimed.

Like an Alzheimers patient, she experienced minor quick-time period memory and would ignore guests when they left the place.

Over a number of months, she had to relearn the best way to wander, dress, read through and compose. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, visited every single day to Participate in guitar for her. He inspired her to Engage in the piano, towards the advice of her Actual physical therapists, who thought she can be disappointed by her incapability to play the way she once experienced. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets along with her, enjoying the left-hand aspect even though she played the ideal.

Which was my finest therapy, she stated.

In August, she moved again home to New Jersey, together with her father, an engineer, and mother, a schoolteacher. She visited outdated haunts and named mates, making an attempt to revive her shattered memory. I was extremely obsessed with remembering, she said. Any memory decline was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists considered her development was great, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she were.

What bothered her most was that she had missing the ability to cry, just as if a faucet inside of her Mind were turned off. One particular night, 9 months after she was damage, she stayed up late to view the John Grisham Film A The perfect time to Eliminate. Just soon after her father experienced gone to bed, she watched a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on demo for killing two Adult males who had raped his younger daughter.

The faucet opened, and the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought about my moms and dads, my father, and whatever they went by, she reported. Small by small, my sensation returned, my depth of head returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back again to high school and got a masters degree in music education.

Not every thing went nicely. She and Mr. Scherr break up up five years following the attack, however they remain buddies. She dated other men, but she usually advised them about the assault instantly -- she couldn't help it, she stated -- plus they in no way identified as for just a 2nd day.

Now we have to discover you a person, her Mate David Phelps, a guitar player, said four many years ago, just before introducing her to Liam McCann, a pc technician and novice drummer. For at the time, she did not say anything in regards to the attack until eventually she acquired to find out Mr. McCann, then when she did, he admired her toughness.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had normally visited her at her bedside even though she was within the healthcare facility, married them in his Periods Sq. Workplace. She wore a blue gown and pearls. Though she was Expecting, in a burst of creativity, she and her friends recorded When Were being Younger, an album of childrens songs that she experienced written before the assault, such as the song Transferring. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, produced the CD. On it, her husband plays drums and she plays electrical piano.

Is her everyday living as it was? Not exactly, even though she's hesitant to attribute the dissimilarities to her accidents. Her final two piano pupils still left her, with out calling to clarify why, she reported. She has resumed participating in classical music, but basic items, because her daughter will not give her time and energy to follow. As for jazz, I dont even consider, she mentioned.

She would like to travel extra, sensation stranded from the suburbs, but she is well rattled. She attempts to be content material with staying dwelling and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a scientific professor of neurological surgery at what on earth is now referred to as NewYork-Presbyterian Clinic/Weill Cornell Clinical Middle, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann following the attack, claimed previous week that her standard of Restoration was rare. Shes basically typical, he mentioned.

Other industry experts, who are not personally aware of Ms. Kevorkian McCanns situation, tend to be more careful.

Regaining the opportunity to Participate in the piano may possibly entail an Pretty much mechanical system, a semiautomatic remember of what the fingers must do, stated Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of scientific rehabilitation medicine at New York University College of Medicine. As soon as brain-wounded, that you are generally brain-injured, for the rest of your lifetime, Dr. Ben-Yishay stated. There is no treatment, there is only intense compensation.

The greater telling Component of a Restoration, in his look at, is psychological, and on that rating he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and baby as a major victory.

For her section, the piano Instructor knows she has altered, but she has manufactured her peace with it. I was form of a hyper ---- I dont know if I was a Type A, but I used to be ambitious, she suggests. Why was I so formidable? I had been a piano Trainer. I dont know very well what the ambition was about. I actually did return to the person Im speculated to be.

Correction: June thirteen, 2006, Tuesday An short article on Thursday about Kyle Kevorkian McCann, a piano Instructor who was beaten and sexually assaulted ten years ago in Central Park, misstated the title of her album of childrens songs. It truly is Whilst Ended up Younger, not When Had been Younger.

[celebritylive]

It’s official: In an unprecedented decision, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are stepping back as senior members of the Royal Family, and making plans to split their time between the U.K. and North America.

But where exactly do they plan to go once they step away from their current home base of Frogmore Cottage in Windsor (which they plan to keep as a residence for the foreseeable future)? While it’s too soon to tell, royal experts have a number of hypotheses about where they may land with 7-month-old Archie in tow — both stateside and in the Commonwealth country of Canada. 

PEOPLE’s four best guesses, in no particular order? The Canadian cities of Toronto and Vancouver Island, and Los Angeles and New York City in the United States. 

Toronto

It’s no secret that Meghan, 38, and Harry, 35, have history with the North American country of Canada, in which Toronto is its largest city (though not the capital — that’s Ottawa!). Canada is part of the Commonwealth, a group of nations with close ties to the Crown. 

Meghan is comfortable in Toronto, having called it home for years while she filmed her hit legal drama Suits, and she was living there when she and Harry first began dating. In fact, the couple’s first public appearance together was in support of Harry’s Invictus Games in Toronto in 2017.

After spending plenty of time there while dating, Meghan and Harry have many close friends in the area, such as Jessica Mulroney, a stylist married to Canadian television host Ben Mulroney, who is former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney’s oldest son. 

Look-alike pals Meghan and Jessica have been close for years — with Jessica hosting Meghan’s baby shower and her kids walking in the royal wedding — and a scroll through Mulroney’s Instagram shows the pair jetting off on beach getaways, striking silly poses in a Soho House photo booth, supporting the Toronto Blue Jays baseball team and generally adoring each other’s company.

View this post on Instagram Happy wife happy life #fakehoneymoon. #MJxItaly #positano #posivibes

A post shared by Jess Mulroney (@jessicamulroney) on Aug 18, 2016 at 8:41am PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

View this post on Instagram What a game! Soaked in beer but happy campers!!!! @meghanmarkle may be our lucky charm

. Thanks @rgoins2 for the fantastic seats. #gojays #gojaysgo

A post shared by Jess Mulroney (@jessicamulroney) on Oct 14, 2015 at 4:53pm PDT

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In addition to feeling like a home away from home with a support system in place, Toronto is also a major entertainment hub, so if Meghan ever decided to go back into the film industry, she would be in the right place. 

RELATED VIDEO: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Announce Shocking Move to ‘Step Back as Senior Members of Royal Family’

Los Angeles

Meghan grew up in sunny California — born, raised and educated in L.A. — so there’s no doubt the city feels like a home to her. Beyond that, Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, is a social worker and yoga instructor in L.A., and the mother-daughter duo are said to have a very close relationship. 

It would therefore be unsurprising if Meghan wanted to move to L.A. out of a desire to be closer to her mother and allow her son Archie to grow up closer to his maternal grandmother — if only for part of the year. 

It may also be the only way for the family to be geographically close to Ragland, as a neighbor told PEOPLE in May 2018 that Ragland had shared with someone else in the area “that Meghan wanted to move her.”

However, her neighbor said at the time, “Doria didn’t want to hear about it. She likes her neighborhood and plans to stay for now at least.”

L.A. is also the epicenter of the film and entertainment industry, so, again, if Meghan ever decided to go back into acting, she would be in the right city to do it. 

RELATED VIDEO: Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Step Out for First Appearance of the Year

Vancouver Island 

A gorgeous island on the West Coast of Canada, Vancouver Island is where Harry and Meghan spent several weeks over the holiday season with baby Archie and Meghan’s mother. The palace confirmed the trip to the Commonwealth nation prior to Christmas, noting in a statement, “The decision to base themselves in Canada reflects the importance of this Commonwealth country to them both.” 

The couple gushed about their stay on the idyllic island (which is located on the Pacific Ocean in the Canadian province of British Columbia) upon their return, visiting Canada House, the home of the High Commission of Canada to the U.K., to show their appreciation for what the couple’s office said was “the warm Canadian hospitality and support they received during their recent stay.”

Meghan revealed that Archie was in awe of the natural beauty of Canada, and the family enjoyed their ability to fly under the radar in such a peaceful, relaxing area of the world (with a gorgeous, temperate climate to boot), where they could jog, hike, eat and do more activities without being harassed. 

It would only make sense that the Duke and Duchess may want to enjoy more of both the nature and privacy Vancouver Island has to offer and may consider finding their own space there as a North American home base. 

Beyond the beauty and luxury of anonymity on the island, Vancouver proper is also very close to Vancouver Island (nope, surprisingly Vancouver is not actually located on Vancouver island), and it too is one of the biggest cities in Canada. The royals would therefore have access to all things metropolitan, including a major airport, a blossoming film industry, a thriving arts scene and more. 

New York City

While Meghan may have grown up in L.A., she has revealed in the past that New York City holds a piece of her heart. The Duchess has spent plenty of time in the Big Apple as both a commoner and a royal, from extended periods of time filming TV shows like Suits and CSI: NY to spending several days there for her baby shower for Archie. 

RELATED: Meghan Markle Once Revealed the ‘Mother F-ing’ Reason N.Y.C. Has Her ‘Wrapped Around Its Little Finger’

The royal mom wrote about her love for the city in a June 2014 post on her now-defunct lifestyle blog, The Tig.

“The memories of filming the pilot for Suits, the fast frenetic energy only lulled by my morning jog through Central Park, the quintessential Manhattan bravado, the elderly ladies who lunch at Bergdorfs (draped in diamonds, nursing their martinis, watching the day go by against the backdrop of Kelly Wearstler papered walls) – these are a few of the reasons I love New York,” Meghan wrote. “But it’s the food, the mother f-ing fantastic, crave-worthy food, that keeps me wrapped around its little finger.”

Meghan has also been known to catch a Broadway show — she shared a touristy pic holding a Hamilton Playbill in front of a yellow cab with pal Priyanka Chopra on her now-deleted Instagram — and get sporty. She told Citiphile that she’ll fit in a run along the West Side Highway and she’s been known to catch a New York Rangers hockey game at Madison Square Garden.

Beyond being smitten with the city itself, Meghan is obviously comfortable in New York and has several friends in the area. There is plenty to do and see and culture to be absorbed by Archie and the rest of her family. Plus, if Meghan ever decides to go back into film or the entertainment industry, New York is a major hub. 

New York is also home to the headquarters of the United Nations, an organization that Meghan has dedicated her time to in the past. 

It is also the closest geographically to the U.K. of all the potential cities listed so far.

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2FxG6b2

[binsofchaos]

‘I Believe in Love’: Elizabeth Wurtzel’s Final Year, In Her Own Words

Introduction by Garance Franke-Ruta. Jump to the start of Elizabeth Wurtzel’s essay here.

The late Elizabeth Wurtzel was best known for her memoirs and essays, especially Prozac Nation and Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women, but after attending Yale Law School in her late 30s she also enjoyed having a voice in the political arena. She was as much an original there as everywhere else, and between 2010 and 2012 she wrote a series of pieces for me at The Atlantic.

A feminist and a New Yorker who had really lived, she looked at the world in a different way from all the boys on the bus in Washington. And she was funny. She would send long text messages written on her smartphone while she was walking through Washington Square Park, an emissary from a more vivid and creative world than the boxy K Street buildings I would pass en route to my office in the Watergate. Sometimes her stories would come in like that too, texted in graf by graf, and I’d knit the passages together in what seemed like the right order and ask for some connective language. The thoughts were always razor-sharp; the understanding of human nature acute.

Over time our editing relationship moved into a long-distance friendship. We met for dinner at a restaurant in Chelsea, outside of course so her dog could be nestled at her feet. She had somehow managed to find a lipstick with my name on it — Guerlain’s Garance — and purchased us two tubes encased in elegant silver that sat heavy in the hand. She wore hers to dinner, and when I went to the restroom, I changed my color too, making us lipstick twins. It was how she was and in many ways the secret to her success: In addition to being wildly talented, she overcompensated for being so difficult and never totally in control by being astonishingly thoughtful, and kind, and, well, seductive. She was a seductive personality; hard not to love even as she could be hard to be close to.

When I started working at GEN this fall and living in New York full time, I reached out to her. “I’m in remission!” she’d said brightly when we first reconnected, three years after last seeing each other and nearly five years after she first learned she had the BRCA gene and breast cancer. We drank red wine on her balcony overlooking a giant earthen pit in the ground: The future NY offices of Netflix. We went to dinner at Il Buco on Bond Street (her suggestion); I could feel she was lonely. She and her husband Jim Freed had separated and were in the process of divorcing, a not so happy ending to the happily ever after story she had been astonished to stumble into in 2015, and something she was still figuring out how to write about. She started sending me things she had written as we talked about her writing a piece about Gen X politics and the 2020 race.

“I am intimate with the dirt,” she wrote of the Netflix pit. “It has infiltrated everything. It is all over me and under me. It is Love Canal, sewage from the Mississippi, cigarette butts, marijuana ash, slave remains, rats, mice, Three Mile Island, Mount Etna, Mount Saint Helen, Dust Bowl, Adam, Eve, serpent, Satan, Chernobyl, Berlin Wall, acid rain, asbestos, uranium, geraniums, 9/11, 7/11, Donner Party, bird beaks, pigeon claws, squirrel tails, gerbil puke, hamster wheels, insulation, Saran Wrap, Mason Pearson bristles, dental floss, Nagasaki, Hiroshima, Mafia hits washed up from the East River, syringes, works, the residue at the bottom of the empty bag of dope, coal waste, cookie crumbs, broken bottles, rusty nails, Bataan Death March, Manila massacre, Boston Tea Party, frog legs, goldfish, mutant ninja turtles, alligators from Florida, red algae, yellow fever, Agent Orange, bubonic plague, gold teeth, silver spoons, copper wires, iron ore, Crest with fluoride, whitening strips, stripper tips, dollar bills, twenties laced with cocaine, subway tokens, expired MetroCards with unused fare, tickets to see Star Wars in 1976, bicentennial souvenirs, gutta-percha, cat guts, doll parts, golf balls, tennis racket strings, cashmere socks, polyester, rayon, pylon, nylon, Mylar, warped vinyl, scratched CDs, crispy leaves, shredded lettuce, tarnished keys, queen bees, xerox paper, pepper spray, Prozac pills, poppers, pooper scoopers, hula hoops, leis, fecal matter, aborted fetuses, snot, rot, cots, bots, shot glass shards, broken windows, chimney smoke, dice, playing cards, poker chips, lollipop sticks, toothpicks, used tissues, dirty handkerchiefs, bandanna threads, kite pine needles, kite strings, toilet water, wolf fangs, sunburn peel, hangnails, cavities, skin, scabs, split ends, fur balls, chicken bones, dissected cadavers, wisdom teeth, crash test dummies, Big Bang, Little Miss Muffet, Humpty Dumpty, Rip Van Winkle, bog wood, petrified forest, oyster shells, freshwater pearls, blood diamonds, Star rubies, asteroids, primordial ooze, love letters, promises kept and broken.”

Very soon the piece she’d wanted to write about Gen X politics started to slip. The cancer was back. There were so many tests and scans to undergo. I told her not to worry about writing it and was surprised when she filed. She said it was a good distraction from having cancer. She badly wanted to interview Beto O’Rourke, but by the time he arrived in New York City where they might have had a face-to-face — the Gen X skate-punk candidate and the Gen X icon — he was already getting ready to drop out of the race.

She sent me a long piece about her past year, about her impending divorce and her marriage and her mother and Donald Trump. It was from something longer she was working on, she said.

We talked about her writing an additional passage when she recovered from brain surgery and running the piece on Medium. “I suppose I have to add something about this, since so much of the piece is about cancer,” she texted. “You know, of all my failures of imagination, I never wondered what a brain tumor is like. So I could not have guessed it was this atrocious, the dizziness and the pain.”

Her recoveries from the relentless march of the disease during her final, dreadful month would prove to be brief.

After her first brain surgery — she had two to cope with her metastatic breast cancer and subsequent complications — which she described as a “brain resection,” she was astonishingly herself. She was funny and poetic and articulate and in good spirits. Still dizzy and unstable — the tumor had impacted her balance center and left her clutching the furniture as she walked during her last night in her own home — but also still herself. She laughed with her mother, who took video and pictures of her in the hospital and helped coordinate, along with Jim and some of her oldest friends from college, a parade of sun-up to way past winter sundown visitors so that she would never feel alone.

And the night before the surgery, Jim was the one she stayed with. He was the one who took care of Alistair, her dog, and her black cat, Arabella. When I saw him in the hospital, he was entirely attuned to her and what she might need so that she could recover and have, in the unspoken best-case scenario, another year.

“I can’t get over how great my husband has been with this. He has made it possible for me to get better and not worry about anything,” she wrote in mid-December, after the surgery. “He loves you so much it’s clear,” I texted back, thinking of how attentive he had been, how he was arranging visits with so many people, that look on his face that you cannot fake. “I think so,” she texted back. “It’s good you see. I love him so much.”

But the past year had been a hard one. This is what she had written about it. She had shown it to Jim too, and he agreed, as did a number of her oldest friends, that she’d want it published. She loved to be published.

I Believe in Love

By Elizabeth Wurtzel

Greetings from the chaotic land of marriage come undone.

The caravansary is dismantling, toothpicks flying everywhere, the bubblegum that held it together is unstuck.

Everything is falling.

My husband moved out at the end of December [2018], as the calendar flipped from last year to this [2019], while I was in Miami Beach, strolling the walkways in the shocking morning sun and under the nighttime Van Gogh sky, away from it all.

I knew he was moving out, but still: I was surprised.

I did not see that the game was over. I did not know the clock was running. I never lose, but I do run out of time. It turns out this was basketball and not baseball.

While I looked away, my marriage fell apart.

I fell off my keel. I lost my kilter. I was a kite without a string.

Maybe it’s better.

It is a peaceful purple without him here. But psychedelic with disarray.

Marriage is an organizing principle. It is flow. It is coffee in the morning. It is who walks the dog. It is HBO at night.

And love. Don’t forget that.

Now I am an ombré mess of a person. I am missed appointments and canceled meetings. I am the thing I forgot to do. I am hanging on by a strand of Drybar dry-shampooed hair.

All day long I have to ask people to forgive me, I am flailing and failing at it all. Forgive me, I beg, as I hope my untweezed eyebrows will. Maybe soon, I will even tug at a few strays.

Or maybe wild is the way.

🖤🖤🖤

I still think of Jim as this sweet person I married. He is my trust fall. He is my emergency contact. He is my next of kin. He is my valentine. He is my birthday dinner. He is my secret sharer. He is my husband.

I do not know him anymore so I do not know myself. Who are my friends? Where is my family? I have fallen into a crevasse of nobody nowhere.

I am estranged and strange, strangled up in blue.

I do not want to feel this way. I am going through the five stages of grief all at once, which Reddit strings have no doubt turned into 523. They are a collision course, a Robert Moses plan, a metropolitan traffic system of figuring it out.

I feel bad and mad and sad.

Is this a festival of insight or a clusterfuck of stupid? I change my mind all the time about this and about everything else.

I got married because I was done with crazy. But here it is, back again, the revenant I cannot shake. I feel like it’s 1993, when my heart had a black eye all the time.

26 is a boxing match of the soul.

I did not expect bruises at 52.

🖤🖤🖤

I have blamed myself. I have blamed my husband. I have blamed cancer. I have blamed marijuana. I have blamed sexism. I have blamed Charlottesville. I have blamed my in-laws. I have blamed several men named David. I have blamed my mother who lied to me my whole life about who my father is.

Who would I be if I did not blame Donald Trump?

I am angry all the time since the election of 2016, like it happened to me, like I was gang-raped by Michigan. I don’t want to be angry, but so there, I am.

Who don’t I hate?

Who won’t I blame?

If you are standing there, I blame you.

It is not conservative against liberal.

It is everybody against everyone. Here we are, in it together, alone.

The problem is not arguments I have with people who voted for Trump, who I don’t know anyway. The trouble is the way all of us who agree about everything are bickering. Oh, the narcissism of small differences.

I remember not that long ago when the world was not political. I was part of landmark litigation that was all about a team of Republicans and Democrats working together. I loved everybody. We were all on the same side.

What Alamo did I not forgive? What Masada did I not get over?

Now there is no microaggression too small for me to scream about so the next four neighborhoods can hear.

My husband does something and I am affronted like it matters.

I am sure he does not know how I feel.

And maybe he doesn’t.

But what does any of this have to do with why we got married? We got married to be in it together. Polarization has even invaded love.

I have anger fatigue. I am sick of sick. Like everyone.

The emotional toll of the world we live in is going to do all of us in.

But politics is not about conflict.

Politics is about making the world a better place.

🖤🖤🖤

How could my mother keep a secret for 50 years? What makes someone do that?

She buried herself in it. She grew a wild Victorian garden with thorny bushes of rose and purple larkspur and red snapdragon. There was a lush meadow of lavender that gave a whiff of Aix-en-Provence en été. The dandelions ran rampant and the daffodils glowed yellow like Big Bird.

But underneath it all, beneath the lilies of the valley and the rows of geranium, there is dirt.

There is a secret.

I am a bastard. I am her bastard daughter.

There are things that come along that are a shock.

I believed something for nearly half a century. It was a lie.

I was conned.

I was wrong about myself.

I did not know who I am.

My mother told no one.

It was a lie she told for so long it became true and the secret faded to no-memory. She misremembered who my father was. She did not think it mattered.

When it all came out in 2016, not long after I got married, just after my real father died, my mother could not see what my hysteria was about. She did not understand why I was stunned.

All the while I was trying not to feel the worst way ever, trying not to be overwhelmed by the explosion, my mother could not figure out what was bothering me.

After all, she is the nuclear physicist.

My mother is like everyone else. She thinks she is normal. She is sure her behavior makes sense. She believes she does the right thing. Since she cannot imagine that this is not the case, she is surprised to find out that, yes, she makes bombs.

I scream at my mother, “What’s wrong with you?!”

I do that and she does not know what I mean.

She says, “Oh get over it.”

Her eyes widen until they look like goggles on an herbivore. She is put upon. She cannot believe we have to discuss this yet again.

“Omigod yet again!”

When will I quit badgering her?

I say, “You lied to me.”

She says, “It wasn’t a lie.”

“Then what?”

“It was a decision!”

Any relationship founded on a lie is doomed. Or not a lie, according to her, which is another lie, a lie about a lie.

That is how it is between us. We are living in the doom.

And yet, we are still at it. My mother and I refuse to give up. She is my only parent. She is all I have.

She made sure of that.

This is the most painful thing ever.

She has made so many inexplicable decisions over the years that I know about, and now I see the ones I did not know.

And yet I love her more than anyone else in the world.

She is it for me. She is in the way of everything. I should be interested in my husband, but how can he compete with how much I want to figure out the Once that started all that is upon a time?

🖤🖤🖤

I was a welter of emotions.

I was so emotional.

When I found out that my father is not my father, that my mother lied to me my whole life, that there was so much I did not know, a bomb dropped in my life. Bombs, really, aerial bombardment. It was the Battle of Manila: bazookas, flamethrowers, grenades, tanks, cannons, howitzers, banzai charges, kamikaze tactics, I was shocked and stunned with feeling.

I did not know what to do.

I became a raging lunatic.

I was a mettle of rage.

My rage is my retinue. My rage is a filthy velveteen train I drag around with me, carelessly. It is my ruby tiara. It is my rainbow and my pot of gold.

My rage is cream. It makes Chock Full O’ Nuts coffee that my grandmother brewed in a percolator on the breakfront in the dining room taste not half bad.

It is the coloratura harmony to my singsong days.

My rage is my conscience. I insist on my right to feel.

But I got caught in a Möbius strip of emotion. I was gone round the bend of scream.

It was stuplimity.

🖤🖤🖤

My marriage is crushed beneath the weight of so much. It is delicate, like all relationships. It is not one of those fine elms that blows with the gusts and does not snap.

We are a scattering of branches on the lawn. We are deadwood.

Oh, there is a lot that holds us together, the love and the hours. We got married during chemotherapy. We are bound.

But my husband is not who he was.

Yes, I know: It is always like that. The sorrow of unraveling is the stranger you are facing. What happened? I want to scream. Where did you go?

My husband had a softness. I will not compare it to the feel of cotton balls or the touch of silk charmeuse, because it is better. He was new to love. I could tell. I could see. He was surprised. He did not see me coming. He did not know I was interested. He was alone in a room. His life was small. He had the same six friends he always had. He was shy. He was not brave. He had no expectations.

He was lovely.

The beginning is always like honey, liquid and sweet.

But he was open.

He was not wounded by a million heartaches.

He had not been through it all.

He did not have a wretched past.

He was 34, which is not young. Younger than I was, but a lot could have happened by then.

It had not.

He was fresh.

There was nothing I would not do for him.

There was nothing I did not want for him.

We met in October and got engaged in May.

We knew.

And now he knows he has had enough.

It has been too much.

🖤🖤🖤

Most of all, it is not easy to be married to someone with cancer.

I feel for my husband.

Cancer is so big. Everyone is prostrate before its deadly enormity. It is the answer to every question. It is the reason why. Is it an excuse or is it real? Who is anyone to argue? Cancer is a bully. It is an elephantine disease of body, mind, soul. My husband moved a half a mile away from it. I would love to do the same.

I am stuck until the end.

I do not know what he expected when he married me when I was ill. I am sorry that it has not been what he wanted. I am sorry that I hurt him.

After I got cancer, I was not the same.

I wanted to be.

I wanted my life to go back to what it was.

I was so lively. I was so lovely.

I was so busy. I was so social.

But I could not do it.

No surprise, I changed.

I was withdrawn during chemotherapy and my world became small. It contracted like starvation. It is hard to get back what is lost. It is more difficult still to begin anew.

I tried. So hard. I called. I emailed. I texted. I showed up.

But there was a diminishment.

Cancer is an ecosystem. It is a crime spree.

Things broke. My radius. My fibula. My tibia. My spirit.

My cancer came back a year after it went away.

You think people are nice about it? No.

Cancer is misunderstood.

Everyone says the wrong thing. Which is what they do so much anyway.

Then I say the wrong thing back.

There we are, bumper cars of mismatched words.

I can’t believe the stupid things people tell me in an effort to be kind, about something hard they had to deal with that is not the same as having cancer.

The worst thing anyone can do is tell me they are sorry about my cancer.

I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. About anything. Don’t apologize unless you have done something wrong. It is nasty to feel sorry for anyone for any reason because it pushes her away.

Mostly sorry is just a thing to say. Anything else would be better, including I don’t know what to say.

It is always people who are the problem. What else? Our suffering is small compared to our misunderstandings with others, how they fail to give us a break, know what it’s like, judge us fairly, see the world the way we do. It is not even cancer or especially cancer. It is especially this and even that. If you are looking for absolution, you are going to have to forgive yourself.

I have chainmail from years of frustrating conversations, of people who think something bad has happened to me.

I don’t see it that way.

You could tell me everything that’s bad about cancer, like that it’s cancer, but you could not convince me that cancer has been bad for me.

Cancer has made me optimistic.

These are the days of miracles and wonders, of biopharma fireworks, of immunotherapy wow.

I have been saved.

I am miraculous me.

I will skate figure eights into infinity.

I am all claws I am all fangs.

I am not afraid of cancer. I think cancer should be afraid of me.

This past October [2018], I had a tumor in my shoulder bone that was 5 inches: big! It was threatening to break it.

And worse.

My cancer antigens were at 205, when 25 is as high as the level can go.

I had meetings in the World Trade Center while all this was going on. I hate it down there. Skyscrapers as grave markers. It is an ominous place.

When I went for help in Philadelphia at the Basser Center for BRCA at the University of Pennsylvania, only Alistair, my service dog, was with me.

My husband said he had to work.

My marriage had already come undone.

I had stereotactic radiation at Memorial Sloan Kettering. It took only three sessions to zap the tumor away. The treatment saved me, but I have a five-inch hole in my bone that looks like a cave in the Thai jungle.

When my husband moved out, I was still healing. I have a rotator cuff tear and pain from the long way home.

🖤🖤🖤

This is a love story.

Every marriage is a love story.

People who run off to Vegas after knowing each other for 10 days and find a drunk outside the Sands casino to be their witness — they really mean it. Marriage is a big gesture. There is no reason to do it except: love.

It is effusive.

I am sorry I failed.

I am sorry for this confederacy of catastrophe.

I am sorry for it all.

I think that my husband can’t believe I hurt. I know what I’m like: I have a powerful personality, it’s true. But he got me.

He made a vow to love me in sickness and in health.

There was great love between us.

And love is hard to stop.

We made a commitment for when we could not remember why we did.

He decided enough.

I am a monotheist. I am in it for life. I am in everything for life. If you don’t stop me, I will not stop myself. I have the kind of faith that you can only have if you have talked your way out of trouble all along.

I feel so much and too much. Deep in my radiated bones.

I cannot believe it is like this with my husband and not like it was that long ago on Halloween, our first date, which he did not know was a date, maybe it was maybe it wasn’t, he showed up at my door not knowing anything at all.

We were resting on our future arms, we were like people who have never read The Unbearable Lightness of Being, have never seen City of God, have never heard Exile In Guyville, oh what lay ahead.

I remember my husband in the beginning, I know the man I married, I insist he is still there somewhere.

I keep peeling for the pentimento.

Or has this all been a fraud?

Love gone wrong feels like a confidence crime.

That is the worst of it.

Do I have an electron microscope or am I blinded? Do I see more clearly now or is this a distortion? I could ask that about the whole wide world.

Sex and race look different since Trump was elected. We know all the things that we never knew. We were living in a world of trust, we believed we were on a righteous path, that things were incrementally improving, so we did not look so hard into sunlight.

All anything ever is is another way of seeing.

I thought my husband was on my side.

I thought I knew him.

I did.

I don’t.

He changed.

I do not know how to help him.

I do not know how to reach him.

Anything is possible.

I believe in so much.

I am just that way.

I believe in love.

What matters more in this crazy world?

Shame on Casablanca’s ending! I will take the hill of beans.

(This is Garance again.)

Love. Sometimes in our lives when we feel most bereft it turns out that we are not alone at all. It is the kind of cloying Disney sentiment Lizzie might have scoffed at, but it was also the truth with her. She affected a toughness that was both real and a coping mechanism, but which also led her to downplay how sick she was. Even as she was telling me she was in remission in September, spots of cancer had already returned, I have since learned.

“The people who know us when we are not our best selves — what would we do without them? I am so grateful right now for even my mother coming through for me,” she wrote after her first surgery in December. Her mother Lynne Winters and she had a famously complicated relationship, but it was Lynne who took her home to recover both times she was released from the hospital, and who had the difficult burden of having to bring her back, and who sobbed in the sparkling clean MSKCC neuro ward hallway where other parents of too-young-to-die adult children paced forlornly.

“Jim has been the best,” Lizzie texted after the surgery. “I wish you a great first husband. That might be all you need.”

They had, in fact, not divorced. The papers were signed, but not filed. He was her husband until the end, during the final days after it was clear no further interventions would work, when she lay still in bed in what was by then her at least fifth different hospital room, for all the world the image of a big-eyed Renaissance pieta looking heavenward.

“Neurology takes a positive view toward god and prayer,” she had texted after the first surgery. “And relinquishing, which is what god and prayer is about. It is always turning your will over to a higher power and letting the will of the world and not your extraordinary manipulations lead you to your desired result. I always say that, it is my constant prayer: god, if you are out there, watch over me and your will, not mine, be done. That is what will happen anyway, but I pray for release from the dreadful fight.”

She spent her whole life fighting — fighting her parents, society, the patriarchy, social conventions, addiction, depression. But man, did she live big. She had a gift for building love into her life and at the end, her friends built a cocoon of love around her.

And on the morning of January 7, 2020, she was, as she had prayed, released.

[koschei-studies]

get to know me tag

i did this as a sort-of icebreaker on my old studyblr, so i’m doing it again here as my first proper post! once again, i’ll just answer all of the questions, because i think they’re all pretty fun - but if you’d like to come up with your own questions to ask me based off these ones, feel free!

1: What would you name your future daughter?

-right now, i like the name Luna, or maybe Catarina.

2: Do you miss anyone?

-i’ve just recently come back from a holiday where i met a bunch of great people, so yes; i miss my holiday friends.

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

-i’d accept it, and say thank you - i’m trying to learn to take compliments properly now, after a long time of not believing in myself in my teenage years. back then, i couldn’t take compliments, and often i’d downright refuse them, because i didn’t believe i was worthy of them. so i guess i’d accept it!

4: Ever been told, “it’s not you, it’s me”?

-no, fortunately. most of my relationships have ended with mutual breakups, where neither party saw it lasting any longer. i’m very fortunate in that, i think.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

-i’m going to be on a surfing course for four days next week, so that’s really exciting! also it’s my best friend’s 18th, and we’re celebrating that at the weekend - and i get to return to my dancing lessons after my two-week vacation, so i’m excited about that. i have a great week ahead!

6: Did you go out or stay in last night?

-i stayed in; i’m not really the type of person to go out on a night out, so i always prefer nights in, even on summer break.

7: How late did you stay up last night?

-way too late. i think i was up until after 2am, although i can’t pinpoint when.

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past three months?

-nope.

9: What were you doing at 12:00 this afternoon?

-getting out of bed! i have a really bad habit of laying in bed and scrolling through instagram until past midday when i’m on break, but i’m hoping to break that habit sooner rather than later!

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

-yes, unfortunately.

11: Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

-i’m pretty sure i could. i don’t really like the taste of many alcoholic drinks, and i don’t like how they mess with my head - so i stay away from alcohol.

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

-yes, because i wasn’t sure of my feelings for them. as of this minute, i’m pretty sure i’m aro - i just like the idea of love, and i’m not sure if i’ve ever actually liked anyone like that. it’s a strange thing.

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

-whilst i don’t mind the vague smell of cigarettes, i personally wouldn’t smoke. 

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

-yes, my best friend. currently, things aren’t great in my life regarding friendships, but he’s always there, and he can always make me smile.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

-i don’t think so, no. i do miss people a lot, especially when i go from being around them a lot during the day to not being around them at all, but relationship-wise, i don’t find it difficult to get over people.

16:Think back five months ago, were you single?

-no, i was in the “early” stages of a relationship that didn’t go very far.

17:Have you ever cried from being so mad?

-yes, and i do it quite a bit. since i’ve got older i’ve found that i cry a lot more, and i’m a lot more emotional - although it’s different from the teenage moodswings i used to have. when i get mad i tend to turn rage into a more subdued, negative sadness, so i usually cry if i get too mad.

18:Hold hands with anyone this week?

-nope.

19:Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

-no, i don’t think so.

20:Who did you last see in person?

-my mother.

21:What is the last thing you said out loud?

-”yeah, i’ll be up here.” 

22:Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

-never.

23:Have you ever been to Paris? 

-no, but i think it’d be pretty cool to visit. although i don’t speak any french, so i anticipate that it would be quite difficult!

24:Are you good at hiding your feelings? 

-i can be - although if i’m excited for something, or looking forward to seeing someone, it’s noticeable.

25:Do you use chapstick? 

-i use burt’s bees lip balm, so essentially, yes!

26:Who did you last share a bed with?

-honestly, i can’t remember; i haven’t had a sleepover in years.

27:Are you listening to music right now?

-yes! i have a lofi hip hop radio livestream playing in the background as i type this. it’s very relaxing!

28:What is something you currently want right now?

-to be proud of myself. it sounds profound, but i want to be able to work well this year and make myself proud. as for material things, i wouldn’t mind some more stationary - i’ve been watching a lot of penpal videos on youtube, and i have serious stationary envy.

29:Were your last three kisses from the same person?

-no, if you count kisses on the cheek - all of the friends i made on my vacation are from mainland europe, so when i was saying goodbye to them all they each gave me a kiss on the cheek. as for on the lips, yes.

30:How is your heart lately? 

-emotionally, my heart is kinda tired. but physically, it’s healthy as can be, as far as i know.

31:Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

-only when it rains, or i want to feel cosy in the house - otherwise, it annoys me.

32:When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

-two days ago, when i said happy birthday to my best friend.

33:What do people call you?

-just my name, i’ve never really had nicknames that have stuck.

34:Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

-yeah, quite a lot! i’m getting better at saying what’s on my mind (when it’s appropriate) though, as i get older.

35:Are there any stressful situations in your life?

-yes, i have my last year of formal education coming up very soon, and i have a mock exam on my first day back. after that, mock season won’t be far away!

36:What are you listening to right now?

-vaguely, my music taste has been all over the place. this afternoon, i believe i was listening to YUNGBLUD, but right now i’m listening to a lofi hip hop stream, and enjoying it very much!

37:What is wrong with you right now?

-i guess right now, i procrastinate too much. emotionally, i want to be in a different place to where i am right now (back on my vacation), so it’s sapping at my motivation a bit. physically, i think i’m alright!

38:Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

-i think it is - or it can be, when it’s true, and it’s pure, and it’s a conversation. i’ve never been in love, so i can’t say from experience, but when i see other people in love, i think it’s great.

39:Do you make wishes at 11:11?

-i used to, but i barely see 11:11 on the clock anymore, so i don’t nowadays. i did once or twice on my vacation though, although i can’t remember my wishes.

40:What is on your wrists right now?

-i have a watch on my left wrist, and the wristband from my vacation on my right wrist. other than that, nothing.

41:Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?

-i guess i’d call myself confused. i’m trying to figure myself out, romantically, so for now everything’s on hold.

42:Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

-an international shop called Zara.

43:Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

-yeah... it’s a long story.

44:Have you hugged someone within the last week?

-yes, and it was great to be hugging people. i feel like physical contact like that is frowned upon in the western world, but i am a real hugger, and i love to hug people - so i’ve hugged my family, my best friend, and the friends i met on my vacation.

45:Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

-nope.

46:What were you doing at midnight last night?

-working on setting up this wonderful studyblr! i tend to get carried away when i can’t see a clock, so i worked later than i should’ve done.

47:Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

-six months ago was... an interesting time for me. in a way, i do miss the way things were back then, but at the same time i don’t.

48:Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

-i think alone would be better for me.

49:Have you ever been to New York?

-yes, a few years back, with my family who live over in the states. it was really fun to visit NY, and i’d like to go back - just not with the current president there!

50:Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

-it was my grandma, so i’d hope so!

[jaclynnicole-blog]

NYC BIRTHDAY TRIP (MARCH 2019)

Ok, so it has been awhile since I have written on my personal blog. Time to update and all that has happened this year. I cannot believe half of the year is over! Where did the time go? Well, the year 2019 didn’t really start off too well and was dealing probably what has been one of the hardest moments of my life. Our family dog, Romeo, (who had just turned 14 November 8th 2018) was diagnosed with Cancer in December... He seemed a bit better as we had a given him some pain medication to help but as soon as it ran out he was not eating or drinking... It happened so quickly and by the end of February we had to make the THE decision to put him to sleep. We had gotten Romeo my Senior year of high school so our first dog, Sonny, had someone to be around. I was super close with Romeo remembering every step of when we got him (Close to Valentine’s Day 2005). I cried myself to sleep the very first night without Romeo and will never every forget to this day still have this hole left in my heart...

This Birthday Trip seemed like one that was meant to be more than ever. As I sit here writing this blog post, I am listening to one of my favorite Musical Soundtracks, “Anastasia: The Musical”. It has a very special meaning to me and it all started last Summer (Read one of my previous blog posts).

As soon as I saw “Anastasia” for the first time, I knew I had to go back but this time I decided to plan a trip during my actual Birthday week and see the show on my actual Birthday. Mind you I was thinking this as soon as I got off the plane Summer 2018. In November, I started planning out my Birthday trip and knew I wanted to see “Frozen: The Musical” as an actual Birthday Gift so that is what my whole family decided to chip in on. I originally planned to see the show by myself but ended up seeing the show with my younger cousin Charlotte. Only fitting since she took me to see the 1st “Frozen” movie. My Aunt found a really good deal on tickets and we had the best seats ever! More on that later. as March was getting closer I knew I wanted to spend more than one day in NYC, especially sine I was seeing “Frozen” the night before my actual Birthday. Before I had even purchased a ticket, “Anastasia” announced that the show would be closing on March 31st, just a few days after my Birthday (March 28th). I definitely had a moment of sadness but I knew this Birthday Trip would mean even more now. Calling to get tickets was definitely a bit crazy I was afraid of not securing a ticket before it closed. I purchased a ticket which was one of the last deals I would fine last minute over the phone. There are two shows usually on Wednesdays on Broadway, so I asked myself what other show did I want to see that would be super special? “Prom: The Musical” had started on Broadway in November but had a long Journey before getting there and one of my former dance friends (we were swing partners) was a part of this Musical! I said “Ok, this would be perfect!” I quickly purchased a ticket and was set to see three Broadway shows my Birthday week! I was super excited as I have never been away on my actual Birthday!

TUESDAY: MARCH 26TH 2019

Come Tuesday, March 26th I was all set and ready packed for my week away. I was staying with my Aunt and Uncle who I always have a wonderful time with.My flight was at 7:30AM and I would get into NY around 10AM. My whole flight to New York, I finished up the rest of my book and biography of Sara Bareilles “Waitress: The Musical”. My Aunt picked me up and we headed back to their house. We had a nice lunch at the house and caught up. Mid day my Aunt and I decided to head to the stores. Later that night, my Aunt took me to a Chinese place that was super good! Was so great to spend time with my Aunt and was excited for the rest of the week! We headed back to their house and my Aunt and I sat down to watch an episode of “This Is Us”! As soon as we finished I got settled and ready for bed.

WEDNESDAY: MARCH 27TH 2019

It was nice not to have to rush out to NYC, but I would be there everyday if I could. I left for the train station around 10:30AM. Took the train into the City to get there between Noon and 1pm. I was set to see “Prom: The Musical” at 2pm. As I was on the train, I was texting my dance friend, Teddy, and asked about him coming out after the show, he sadly had told me he had something scheduled and wouldn’t be out. I took one shot and asked about seeing him quickly before the show. He said he could make that work as he would arrive at the theatre a bit later than some of the other cast members. I got into the City just before 1pm at Penn Station on 33rd. I headed over to 48th Street where “Prom: The Musical” was at Longacre Theatre. I was super excited to get a message on the way there that Teddy was able to say a quick hi BEFORE the show as he was going into the theatre. He waited until I arrived for a quick hi and photo. I was super blessed to be able to see him. I was at the top of the theatre but was super intimate and was still a great seat to enjoy the show! Before the show, I of course had to head to the merchandise table to buy a few memorabilia from the show I bought a key chain (I collect Broadway Keychains!), Broadway Program Playbill, and of course the soundtrack to the musical! The show started around 2pm, and ended around 4pm. This show was super powerful and loved all the dancing and choreography. What really stood out was after the bow, at the end of the show, the cast went right back into dancing.. As soon as the show finished, I exited the theatre and headed over to the stagedoor. I waited for Becca (who danced with Teddy in the show), to come out and introduced myself. I kindly mentioned that Teddy offered to sign and get a few other cast members to sign if I left it with someone after the show. Becca kindly asked me to leave it with Security and she would get it to Teddy later that day. I was so grateful to Teddy and Becca for helping me out. As soon as I got a quick photo with Becca, I headed back towards 44th Street area to meet up with my cousin Charlotte and her dad Eric for a quick bite before the second show of the evening, “Frozen”! We met at a fun little Japanese place near 44th Street and we caught up while we enjoyed a nice dinner. My cousin Charlotte and I have been very close since she was super little. I remembered she had taken me to “Frozen” the movie, so back in November 2018 I started planning my trip with her mom and we booked our tickets pretty quickly. I was super excited to take my cousin to see her very 1st Broadway Show! After we finished eating, we walk towards The St. James Theatre, where “Frozen: The Musical” was. Last Summer, I was quickly able to say hi to all four of the girls/talented kids who were part of this musical some from the original cast. We said our goodbyes to Charlotte’s dad for a few hours and headed into the theatre. We headed to the merchandise table to purchase a few items. I picked up my Playbill/Program with some amazing photos of the original cast which came with a keychain if we bought it online (Which I did while purchasing the tickets). Well, my parents did as my “Frozen: The Musical” ticket was a Christmas Gift from my parents. I also splurged and purchased a jacket with the “Frozen: The Musical” logo on it. We headed to our seats and were amazed how incredible seats they were! This is a quick story from when I was planning my trip. My Aunt messaged me and told me about two seats that were considered partial view right behind the conductor but one of my cousins had looked it up on a website to see what the seat view looked like, and guess what? The seats were perfect! So we purchased them because they were a lot cheaper ($57.50) than what the seats around it were (around $175). Back to being present at the show. My cousin and I got to the theatre pretty early, so we sat right in the front row and took in everything around us. I wished the conductor luck before the show and the curtain went up. I was super excited. Throughout the show, I would look over at my cousin and saw a huge grin and smile on her face just in awe of the show. I loved every second of it and seeing everyone, the costumes and every detail up close made it even better! There were some amazing special affects throughout the show and the snow coming down at the end topped everything off! My cousin Charlotte and I left the theatre with huge smiles on our faces. We headed to the stagedoor and had a chance to meet a few of the cast members from the show. My cousin and I said our goodbyes, once her dad had shown up and I headed across the street for one more thing I just had to do before headed back to Penn Station. The Broadhurst Theatre, where “Anastasia” went on every night was just across the street from The St. James Theatre which I was very familiar with from last Summer. Both shows finished around the same time so I decided to go pay a visit to the stagedoor since I knew the cast members were still out there signing. I waited until most had spoken to Christy Altomare (the lead “Anya”). I went up and I had mentioned to Christy I had come last Summer to see Nicole right before she left, and ran into her backstage. She did remember and then I told I was so sorry to not see the show tonight...I mentioned the next day was my Birthday and she wished me a Happy early Birthday. I quickly then mentioned it would be super special because I had a ticket to see “Anastasia” one last time on my actual Birthday and I would be back tomorrow. Christy had the biggest smile on her face and we grabbed a quick photo before I said “see you tomorrow!” I just couldn’t wait until my Birthday. First time being away on my actual Birthday. As I headed to Penn Station, I reflected on what had happened all that day. On the way back to my Aunt and Uncle’s place, on the train, I was looking at my phone and realized it was passed Midnight and my Birthday had actually begun! With a huge grin on my face I quickly got settled back at my Aunt and Uncle’s home and fell asleep after 1am.

THURSDAY, MARCH 28TH 2019

Birthday began waking up and headed upstairs to eat a little breakfast with my Aunt and Uncle. Although I wasn’t seeing “Anastasia: The Musical” until later that night, I still wanted to get into NYC a bit earlier as I had to walk back to 48th Street to pick up my Playbill/Program from the theatre “Prom: The Musical” was. I took the train back into NYC around the same and arrived sometime after Noon. As soon as I walked out of Penn Station I walked over to Sprinkles Cupcakes to get my FREE Birthday Cupcake (My fav Salted Caramel Flavor). Then I headed to 48th Street. Teddy did more than just him signing the Playbill and had most of the cast members sign the whole front of the program! It is super special and reminded me of the memories I had made the previous day. As I walked back to 44th Street I was thinking about where I could eat for my Birthday Lunch/Dinner. I did try to meet a few friends but nothing ended up working out, so I walked over to Buca Di Beppo (on 45th Street). I got my favorite all time dish I hadn’t had in what felt like years, pasta with chicken and capers in a spicy sauce! I just felt like having something I couldn’t eat back at home and treated myself for my Birthday. After finishing up my Birthday lunch, I headed over to The Minskoff Theatre where “Lion King: The Musical” was, and met up with one of the young cast members who portrays “Young Nala” in the Musical, Suri Marrero. We had connected on Instagram, Suri had done an Instagram Takeover for my online Magazine. Suri was performing on my Birthday night as she shares the role and they each do four shows a week, but I just had to see “Anastasia” on my Birthday (You will see why later in this blog post). I did get a chance to say hi to Suri and take a few photos with her in front of the beautiful theatre. Was super fun to meet Suri in person. This was all around 5:45pm so as soon as I finished I headed back to 44th Street and The Broadhurst Theatre where “Anastasia: The Musical” was. The doors open well before the show starts so I ended up going in and just taking in this theatre for the last time. I was on the second level this time around (1st visit I was about 8 rows back in Orchestra). The view was just as great and I still had a chance to get a an amazing video of the company’s bows (There were only around four shows left after the one I attended). Right before the I got a Facetime call from my Niece and Nephew wanting to sing and wish me a Happy Birthday, the show was about to start, so instead my sister took a video and sent it to me. During intermission of the show, I quickly took a look at the video. My heart melted with my Niece and Nephew singing me Happy Birthday. I also was sitting pretty close to the upstairs merchandise table so during intermission I was able to quickly take a look at what else I wanted to purchase from the show before it closed. I decided since I was planning to the National Tour of “Anastasia” in May, I made a quick decision to get the jacket with the “Anastaisa” logo on it. It is very thin and perfect for Florida weather to bring to inside places and very lightweight. Now the weather, in NYC, was a bit colder than what I was used to, but I still insisted on wearing my jacket outside after the show finished.The show started around 7:30pm so it finished around 9:45pm. As soon as the show’s curtain was down, I headed outside to the stagedoor. After about 10-15minutes some of the cast members started making their way out of the theatre. I was able to grab quick photos with many of the cast members (unlike my first trip to “Anastasia” I really truly just took it all in the very first time). Said a quick hi to Delilah who I had just found out that day I would be seeing as “Little Anastasia” on The National Tour as well she was going to join as soon as the Broadway company had finished. I gave Deliah a special ring I purchased for her, the understudy of “Little Anastasia” Annika”, and of course Christy. I truly couldn’t wait to see Christy again and explain how much she made an impact on me the second I met her last Summer even if it was just for a quick moment. It was after 11pm when the crowd kind of got smaller and smaller (as Christy made her way to talk, sign and take photos I mean with EVERY single person waiting). That was practically two hours after the show finished Christy was still out there enjoying every moment with her fans. As Christy got closer I got a bit nervous because I sort of knew what was going to happen but was a bit unsure as she was on vocal rest the whole week to take care of her voice for the very last week of the show. Christy approached me and at first wasn’t really looking at my face because my Butterfly necklace and “Anastasia” jacket caught her eye. But she then quickly realized it was me, from the day before, and said “isn’t it your Birthday?” I had said “yes” I handed her a very special “princess” ring I had gotten for a few members of the cast in the show to remember their family at “Anastasia”. She looked at me and said “This is your Birthday and you are giving me a gift?” Christy made sure someone was actually videoing her speaking with me as she was about to do something she does for anyone who mentions it is their Birthday the day of the show. Christy first asked how old I was, and when I told her I was 31 she had was like “ No way! You look like you are 25! I want your genes!” I quickly laughed (as I get that a lot) but she didn’t and at this moment still doesn’t know the whole story. I didn’t have a chance to mention I wrote her a letter last Summer mentioning a lot. I didn’t want to keep her and left soon after she went onto the last few of the crowd. I headed back to Penn Station with this huge smile on my face and kind of starting to tear up as I watched the video a very kind fan was able to take for me of Christy singing me Happy Birthday as I headed back to my Aunt and Uncle’s home after Midnight (my usual time).

FRIDAY, MARCH 29TH 2019

I woke up and had breakfast with my Aunt and Uncle. We talked about what were planning to do that day as they wanted to celebrate my Birthday a day later since I was in NYC the whole day on my actual Birthday. We decided on seeing “Dumbo” which had just began in theatres that day. After getting ready for the day, we headed up to the movie theatre. We saw “Dumbo” and headed out to an outside mall to make a few quick stops. Then we headed to an Italian place for my Birthday dinner. Of course I loved every moment getting a chance to spend time with family and was a great end to my Birthday week in New York. We finished up dinner and headed back to my Aunt and Uncle’s place. I packed up for the week and settled in for the night. Although I ended up going upstairs and having a late night talk with one of my cousins and Aunt. We had fun talking and catching up.

SATURDAY, MARCH 30TH 2019

The next morning I had an early flight out headed back to Tampa, Florida. The plane ride home I was reflecting on my whole trip and definitely shed a few tears realizing this trip was probably one of the most memorable trips that I have ever taken. Each trip I have taken has had their moments and memories but this one was just extra special. I have no clue when my next trip will be but visiting NYC is always fun and making memories (even if it on my own) won’t stop me from doing what I love.

[sliceofplain]

It’s been less than 12 hours since I purchased this small plain pie and I’m not going to lie, we’ve been through a lot together. I’m currently sitting at a coffee shop, hungover and stoned (it’s legal here) waiting for my old pal to come pick me up. I am thinking about starting a second blog called “Cup of Black” or “Ounce of Green.”

Not really.

My friend and his wife moved from Florida, where I have previously visited them, to Seattle at the beginning of the summer. I’ve never been to Seattle, so I naturally planned to visit him as soon as possible. I would have preferred that to have been earlier in the month, but that’s now how the chips fell. I’ve been thinking about travelling alone, really out of necessity. This seemed like a good opportunity to test that out, so I came to Seattle a day and night before my friend’s days off to explore alone.

This might be the dopest Airbnb I’ve stayed in yet. Chicago was the only other one that came close. It’s a huge house with like 5 different rooms, each separately Airbnb-able, in a cute little residential Seattle neighborhood called Magnolia. There isn’t that much to do in Magnolia, but they have microbreweries and pizza. I’m a simple man, so that’s really all I needed.

I spent the day walking around various neighborhoods of Seattle, primarily SoDo and Chinatown. In SoDo I visited the Ganja Goddess, who blessed me for my stay in the Emerald City. In Chinatown, I saw a guy at a bus stop on one knee like a colonial musketman. Instead of loading a rifle, though, he was carefully pouring a 40oz of Colt 45 into a large water bottle. My man.

At night I walked to Urban Family Brewing Company and drank until they closed. Then I walked to Figurehead Brewing Company and drank until they closed. I actually talked to the bartender at Figurehead for a while, and she ended up telling me about her travels and how she’s lived so many other places in the world before coming back to Seattle, where she is from. She also told me about Magnolia Pizza & Pasta, which was literally like a 4 minute walk.  I left Figurehead at like 10pm (1am EST) but Magnolia closed at 10:30. They normally have counter slices, but they were all out and it was too late for them to make a pizza just to sell slices. So, I had to order a small pie. I wasn’t that upset about it.

I ate half the pie in the parking lot waiting for my Lyft. It was good pizza. Spiced nicely with chewy cheese and thick, crunchy crust. A lot of people say you can’t get good pizza if you’re not in the PA/NJ/NY tri-state area, or like Chicago I guess. That’s not true. I also used to think I couldn’t really have a good life if it wasn’t in the PA/NJ/NY tri-state area, or like Chicago I guess. I’m not sure that’s true anymore, either. I love my friends and my family, but those aren’t very convincing reasons to stick around. My cousin lives in New Hampshire, so the only family I have here is our moms. The drama with leaving them is meant for a whole different slice of plain. Anyway, a lot of my friends have moved or are just busy being adults now. We don’t see each other like we used to. That happens. It’s regular. One of the real reasons I haven’t “left this town in my rear-view” (on some pop-punk shit) is because I want to work in Camden. But, I know that I could move with a friend in LA, where parts of the city are very similar to where I work now. Or in Seattle, where there are underserved indigenous communities I could work with. Or Colorado, which is just fucking cool. Or Florida, which, well, kind of sucks. Not Florida.

Why am I still eating pizza at the same places over and over again when there are pizza places all over the country? Pizza definitely isn’t better in these places, but it's not really worse either. It’s just different.

I could use something different.

The driver dropped me off on the wrong street and I drunkenly jiggled the handle of way too many houses and peed on someone’s lawn before I found my Airbnb. I passed out moments after laying down, and woke up to throw up that half of pizza and about one hundred ounces of craft beer. I couldn’t make it to the bathroom, so I puked in the tiny trash can that was in my room. Honestly, it’s been a while since I vomited from drinking. It felt good.

The next morning I heard other people arrive for their stay at this Airbnb. They were older and discussing a family member’s wedding as the reason for being in Seattle. I knew I had to trash this puke bag, but I didn’t want to make an awkward first impression. I decided to eat the rest of the pizza and then put the puke bag in the box to toss out in the trash. I’d like to say it was hard to eat pizza again after having recently puked some up, but it wasn’t. I put the small plastic bag of puke in the now-empty box and it perfectly glorped into all four corners. I closed the box. They’ll never know.

But I will.

‘til the next slice.