#and two of their friends are eldritch and one of them turns into a child when they use up too much power

[potatoesimblr]

do you like the pile of pillows

i needed seating for 23 people. so there is a pile of pillows shoved in the corner

don't worry about the single childs chair in the corner. said child doesn't always exist so its in the corner until they do

[sabrondabrainrot]

Getting more caught up in LAES!!!

Tee Hee

I'm really loving Earth's growth! Lunar did messed up stuff but he's finally growing up maybe?

Spoilers to where I'm at for the Lunar and Earth show below!

I have a comic idea for tsams should I do one?

I just want to rant about the shows and why I like Sun in them 😂 + more observations and theories.

Warning vague spoilers for tsams laws and fams (I think it's eaps now?)

☀️SUN LOVE AHEAD ☀️

I'm to the point Earth was threatened by the Creator and Lunar killed Eclipse and Gemini had to leave, Solar tried to intervene and have them conversate but it blew up on him.

I really like the progression of things. Every time I'm on the fence or in doubt of what's going to happen next I'm blown out of the water. I think I'm enjoying Earth's growth the most. Lunar is regressing but it makes sense for him because he tends to literally run from every problem. Again, it's hard to change and I can actually see that Lunar is ready to grow up and change for the better so I'm excited to see how that goes.

I was at first mad at Moon but I'm convinced there's more nuance. Now I forgive pookie.

☀️

Guys Sun, he's just so great. Like... Now that I'm getting caught up again I'm realizing just how much he deals with and I'm not talking about the ✨trauma✨ but just the day to day. Like LAES definitely helped bridge the gap of what goes in the daily lives for the family.

First of all, people like Sun's daycare. (let's be honest it's always been HIS daycare) He's so good at what he does. People bring their actual eldritch abominations, literal hell spawns, and freaks of nature in to be watched by him. The kids of the daycare at this point can't even be considered human. Think about it, the actual Devil from the Bible brings his hellspawn kid in to be watched (I think it's funny he's implied to be rude to Sun, besties with Moon, and nice to Earth). There was an episode dedicated to the possibility of Sun in sheer popularity and merch sales alone could replace Glamrock Freddy (the only reason he didn't take the offer had to do with being uncomfortable on stage!). Plus, most problem-kids end up liking him. Example being Barry and FC (I count Gregory's ghost friends too).

We all know he was built to be a daycare attendant but the Creator literally said "I didn't install any information on that in you because I wanted you to learn it." Sun taught himself all his child care skills and figured it out (while dealing with 5 years of the added stress of Old Moon doing his thangy thang). Childcare is so stressful, I've worked all kinds of jobs and childcare is absolutely one of the hardest I've done.

Childcare is one of the most physically and emotionally demanding jobs and no two methods work on the same kid. You have to be highly adaptive and patient.

One of the biggest things I've noticed is that in the show when kids start being bad instead of telling them "No" or getting frustrated (Earth and Lunar both do this to a degree) Sun knows to redirect them. He redirected Barry as much as he could (it was funny when Barry kept stabbing funtime Freddy). I think he's also the biggest help to Foxy with FC (except Monty and Puppet, they help a lot too). I still think it's funny how FC likes Sun, he told Stitchwraith he's like a toy so he likes playing with him (again something like that, not gonna rewatch the ep to get the exact quote)... Then seeing him vibe with the ghost kids Gregory is friends with? Mwah perfection. I also love his dynamic with Francine, him getting tackle hugged at her birthday party and even consenting to turning into a dragon for her? SO CUTE 🥰

I haven't even gotten to the part when he meets Dazzle and hangs with Jack more but I know it's gonna be so perfect. I really like Jack he's so silly. The broken Ipad bit was comedy gold.

Back to Sun!

It's just a nice reminder Sun earned his skills through hard work. It's great when he gets to shine and teach others about his skill. Childcare in general is so hard, so he needs to know how valued that is.

UGH I just love him.

From what I've seen, he takes such good care of his family too.

He's just so playful and ready to hang with them at the drop of a hat. He let Earth vent to him. He makes sure Lunar is ok and is the only one that doesn't baby him. He asked Earth to reach out to Lunar because he could tell Lunar wasn't comfortable to ask him. He also makes sure Solar gets breaks (it's hard for the show to implement that on screen due to them having the same va but it's still shown he gets Solar to rest). I remember he was one of the first people Ruin really decided to speak to and he didn't just outright kick Ruin out of the daycare.

Then just everything with the current Moon too. He comforts him, gets him to rest, and was there when he broke down over Solar. I also like that he's actually the voice of reason for the current Moon and he feels comfortable enough to argue back (it's big for him. I still get goosebumps from when he was learning star power in secret and actually had a shouting match over it with Moon)

I haven't gotten to the part when he tells Earth and Lunar about Solar's death and Ruin's betrayal but I know he's going to be there for them too when he does.

I understand the fandom perceives Old Moon as the older brother but I just disagree with that fundamentally. Sun was the first one awake so to me that makes him the oldest. I think KC likes to claim the oldest but idk how that works programming-code creation wise? In one of the most recent episodes I watched Lunar called Old Moon the big brother but idk man....I don't see it. To me Sun has always been the oldest.

I love seeing him get to be a big brother to people who genuinely fight over his attention. It's just so warm and fuzzy. Like Lunar and Earth going to him to literally just be pampered? And he was so ready to? He went to the store to make them a charcuterie board. They just showed up uninvited and immediately demanded love and my home boy delivered.

"Sun you're the big brother and we're babies, we are babies . Take care of us big bro we want your love 🥺 we're the baby siblings take care of us"

Good stuff.

I like how in the Therapy ep Sun sussed out invisible Lunar. I think he's one of the only people to know when Lunar is invisible.

Ok so my theories and stuff

So like... Am I imagining that Moon's eyes are suddenly glowing purple? They didn't used to do that. I paused my progress of the sams watch through but in the ep I'm watching with him having his total mental break (having a realistic dream Sun died would do that) I noticed it seems like his eyes have a purple glow. And I'm really certain they didn't used to do that.

I was told to watch him and that's like the biggest thing I'm noticing with him. He seems sick? I can tell Earth, Monty, and Sun are trying to help him but like I've seen the spoilers on Tumblr and in fics so I'm sure he's going to push them away...... But yeah he's absolutely sick and the purple is not good. :(

Other than that....

I have more to say but I've put a lot in this post lol. I'll talk more about Sun in my next post.

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

Reader’s Cooking is Worse than Lilia’s?!  -Diasomnia Edition

Somehow, your cooking is worse than Lilia’s. Was it always like this, or did travelling to TWST change it?

Characters: Malleus Draconia, Lilia Vanrouge, Silver, Sebek Zigvolt

Content: platonic, crack, gender neutral reader

Find the rest of the Series: Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde

Author’s Note; As a reminder, do not put my work — or others for that matter — into AI as it steals. Link to Masterlist

Malleus Draconia

Oh, Child of Man, you brought a treat! Oh dear, Silver seems to have fallen asleep on your shoulder… the muffins are now burning in the fireplace :( He really wanted to try that recipe you’d been excitedly talking about earlier. Maybe next time?

Silver mentions that the two of you should really hang out more, and that for some reason the Ramshackle kitchen is off-limits due to it constantly catching fire.

Sebek also keeps on confiscating any treats you bring. Are they so good that he likes them? Or maybe you and Sebek are finally becoming friends! Of course, you two would be friends, that’s it!

He is almost completely clueless, but he does see some of the items you pack for lunch and finally puts two and two together; his Child of Man is an awful cook. Worse than Lilia. Perhaps he should thank Sebek…

Lilia Vanrouge

He notices that everyone looks anxious whenever you bring up your cooking. It must be really good then! He mentions that you two should cook together sometime! Oh, Grim set the kitchen on fire by accident? No worry, come to the Diasomnia kitchen!

When both of you arrive at the kitchen though you find all the cooking supplies either missing or broken. 

Lilia starts to catch on that something or rather someone is interfering with both him and you from cooking together. You only help further his suspicions when you tell him all the weird things that have been happening…

But before you can tell him all the details Silver shows up and tells Lilia that Malleus wants him. Guess the two of you will have to cook on a different day! What he didn’t notice was Silver sweating and looking relieved, and Sebek hiding in a corner.

Silver

He unfortunately has experience with this sort of thing. He’s also slightly terrified of you and the thought that you could potentially teach Lilia your cooking. That thought alone gives him a mission; keep you away from the kitchen and Lilia!

The rest of Diasomnia also pitches in; Malleus doesn’t really know what’s going on but is happy to spend time with his Child of Man, and Sebek does it to keep Malleus safe. Silver is just happy that he isn’t fighting this battle alone and hopes that Lilia doesn’t catch on to his scheme.

Oh, you brought cupcakes for him and the rest of Diasomnia? He accidentally falls asleep holding them and drops them into the fireplace. He brings you some as an apology and to keep you from suspecting anything.

All worth it though to keep yourself and others safe. If only it worked on Lilia...

Sebek Zigvolt

He thinks you’re trying to poison Malleus at first. But he soon comes to realize that everything you cook turns out like some eldritch horror. He’ll still stick to Silver’s plans, for Waka-sama!!! not because he’s scared of you or anything

He has eaten any food you’ve brought over before word got to the others. He is not sure whether or not to be happy that he recovers from eating it though, since the cycle seems to be never-ending… And you just think that he really likes your cooking so you just bring more. Poor Sebek.

Silver has found him crying in the corner one time after you left, lamenting the fact that he ate the “treats” you brought over earlier. Silver pats his comrade on the shoulder for his stupid but brave actions.

Whenever your name is mentioned he visibly tenses up, but if anyone mentions it he will deny it, you know, like a liar.

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

When Javi met Dieter

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 3, 135

Summary: same story as this one but from a different point of view. Also read this story to get some background on Javi. Please read both before reading this one!

Warnings: lots of adorable fluffiness, people being cute and nerdy, talk of past medical procedures and post-partum issues. Reece is an original non-binary character created @cevans-is-classic by so please use they/them pronouns

Check out masterlist here

Javi was excited but also extremely nervous. Powerpuff was his first big production since his film that relaunched Nic Cage’s career. And this was his first big production with his own production company. All his small independent films had gotten critical acclaim but the bigger the production, the bigger the stakes.

The script, written by his partner Reece, was funny and heartwarming, the cast and crew were diverse and talented. Already there was outrage over some of the casting. Some made highly negative comments over casting a woman of colour to play Blossom. There were no complaints on casting a Japanese actress as Buttercup until they found out she would be dressed in baggy clothes being uncomfortable with her body and didn’t want to wear a skirt. They were the loudest complaints sadly, but he was shown the positive comments from children who were excited for the film and the film was for children and women of all ages. And he wanted his daughter to be proud of him. Ari was only two, so she was more impressed with Spiderman than her father. She was also more impressed with her godfather Nic Cage but that was understandable.

He was looking at the set now which felt like it came out of the animated show.

“Oh wow, it’s like Colour Out of Space!” he said to himself.

“It is,” he turned to the person who just said that. “Wait, you’ve seen that film?”

“Of course.”

You were shocked that you finally met someone who had seen the film. “And you liked it?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“I know some people thought it was too brightly coloured, but I think it added to the Eldritch horror.”

“It definitely added something new to the horror genre.”

“I love it when horror does something new!”

“My partner loves horror and has introduced me to some amazing films I never would have thought of watching.”

Filming was starting back up, so you had to go back to your duties. You gave your new friend your name before you left.

“I’m Javi,” he shook your hand. “Just Javi.”

*****

Reece was absolutely thankful their partner Javi agreed to set up an on-set daycare. Before their daughter Ari, they would be up all hours and living on very little sleep. With a toddler, they were still living on very little sleep, but they were now responsible for this little life, and they felt guilty leaving Ari with nannies all the time. This way made them feel less guilty as they could still see their child while working. The on-set daycare also opened up the opportunity to other workers in the film industry. One of them was Dieter Bravo as Professor Utonium. Javi was less enthused at the choice but agreed he was the best actor for the part.

As they made their way to the on-set daycare to drop off their daughter, Reece saw Dieter carrying his own little girl. Reece had yet to meet the actor in person, so they made their way over and introduced themselves.

Dieter shook their hand, “You’re the writer? I loved your script, my wife cried reading it so that means it was good.”

“Oh yeah, I heard the infamous Dieter Bravo had settled down and produced offspring, I just didn’t realise she was so stinking cute!”

“Hey!” a sleepy Ari mumbled.

“Don’t worry rascal, you’re still my favourite.”

After leaving their precious babies in the daycare, and after many kisses and cuddles, they both made their way to the sound stage.

“Hey,” said Dieter. “Do you know whose idea the on-set daycare was? I’d really like to thank them.”

“Uh, that was my idea.”

“It was? That’s awesome because my wife and I couldn’t work together much since the baby as one of us would always stay home to look after her. I really like being close to both of them. So thanks.”

“She’s working on the film?”

“Yeah, she’s doing the makeup for Mojo Jojo.”

“Oh yeah,” Reece tried not to smack their forehead. “I’m so glad she’s on board. She’s amazing.”

“Yeah she is.” He smiled warmly as they both reached the set. He saw you in the distance helping Jack Black put on his giant brain helmet.

“There she is,” Dieter proudly pointed you out. “My one true love.”

The lovestruck look on his face was one so familiar to Reece they couldn’t help but sigh at the adorableness of it all. They knew it was the loving gaze Javi gave to Nicolas Cage, but he now gave to them.

*****

The end of the first working day went well and Dieter was hoping Clara wasn’t missing them too much. As he walked in, he saw his little girl with two other little girls. You’d say they look like a little coven of witches, and he smiled at the thought.

Clara didn’t notice him as she was deep in conversation with the little girl with the same curly brown hair. But the other little girl with honey golden curls looked up and saw him.

“Papa?” she looked up at him with familiar eyes. “Tu barba?”

He ran a hand over his shaven face. “Lo siento patita. No soy tu papa.”

Reece came up next to him and looked at their daughter, “Hey rebel!”

Picking her up, Ari continued to look at Dieter with confusion. “Not papa?” she pointed at him.

“That’s right,” said Reece. “You remember Dieter from earlier.”

Clara finally realised her father was here and ran over to him, demanding to be picked up.

“Hey cupcake, did you make friends?” she nodded eagerly.

“Ari,” she pointed up then down, “Twin!”

“Twin?” Dieter asked. “So how do I know you’re really Clara?”

Both girls started to giggle. He looked down at Bianca. “Are you the real Clara?”

“I’m Bianca!”

She then saw her father approaching which solved the problem over who was which twin. Her father introduced himself before telling his daughter that her mother was waiting for them. Reece and Dieter both gave him an admirable look as he waved them goodbye.

“Hm,” mused Reece. “I wonder if he’s ever dressed as King T’challa?”

“That’s Marvel isn’t it?

Reece nodded, “Iron Man is my favourite and I’d hope this one would be the same but no. Who’s your favourite?”

“Spiderman!” exclaimed Ari.

“Oh,” mused Deiter. “No wonder you and Clara get along. She takes after her mum and likes spiders.”

*****

“Look Javi, all I’m saying is that if it didn’t have the same title, and if it wasn’t a remake, The Wicker Man 2006 would have been a passable film.”

“Passable?” Javi looked at his mug like a hurt puppy which would have worked on you if not for the fact that you dealt with that sort of eyes everyday with your husband and daughter.

“I’m just saying this as a fan of the original film.”

“The original is a masterpiece so nothing will ever hold a candle to it,” you nodded. “This was intended more as a dark comedy.”

“They should have made that more obvious.”

Javi sighed, “They should have. At least we get that memorable not-the-bees scene.”

“Um, they cut out that scene.”

“They what? Does Mr. Cage know?” He was momentarily stunned and changed the subject so he wouldn’t linger on it for too long. “I’m sorry, I never really got your answer before but, what is your favourite film?”

“The question really should be what is my favourite film at the moment?”

He hadn’t been asked such a profound question in a while, “Wow, no one has ever asked me that before.”

“I always thought just narrowing it down to just a handful makes it really hard to decide.”

“Exactly!”

You both paused in the nerdiness. After a small sigh, you asked. “I didn’t know you were the producer.”

Javi shrugged, “I don’t go around announcing myself.”

“I do. I have to because they always get my career wrong: I do special effects makeup, not just regular makeup. My husband always corrects people, he proudly shows me off.”

“He seems like a good man.”

“He is.”

*****

“Hey Reece, what is your favourite film at the moment?”

“Huh?”

“No one’s ever asked me that before. It’s always what are your favourite or top favourite and it’s always so hard to narrow it down.”

Reece just put their head on Javi’s shoulder, “Aw, I’m so glad you’ve made a friend who isn’t Nic Cage.”

*****

Javi had decided to pick up his daughter from the on-set daycare that day. He was too busy looking for Ari to notice another little girl ran up to him.

“Daddy?”

He looked down and saw a girl who almost looked like his daughter. “I’m sorry bonita,” he said kneeling down. “I’m not your father.”

“Papa!” He was welcomed his daughter with open arms while the other little girl gave him as big a death stare as a two-year-old could.

He saw you enter the daycare and you found Clara giving her biggest death glare. She managed to break her glaring when you picked her up. She pointed at the man, “Not daddy?”

“That’s right, it’s not daddy. He looks nothing like him.”

But Clara went back to her evil glaring. The man who looked like her father but was not her father could only result in one conclusion.

“Evil daddy.”

“Why do you think he’s evil? He’s a very nice man.”

“I’m sorry,” you said to him. “Usually her dad picks her up, so she thinks you’re her dad. But he had to shave his beard and she must be missing it and saw yours so...” you shrugged.

“Oh no, that’s fine,” he turned to the girl in his arms. “Is this your friend?”

She nodded, “Spider.”

He knew Ari had this funny way of remembering her new friends and called them by their favourite bugs. Bianca was named Bee.

You properly introduced your daughter, “This is Clara.”

*****

“I met Ari’s friend today,” Javi told Reece after their day of filming.

“Oh, she’s a cutie, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, although she kept calling me evil for some reason.”

“Were you doing your Nic Cage impression?”

“No,” he got a hard glare. “I wasn’t. Not even subconsciously.”

*****

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude your reading, but I couldn’t help but admire your book.”

Javi always loved books about films, he read them more than actual books. You lifted up the book to show the full cover: Golem, Caligari, Nosferatu; A Chronicle of German Film Fantasy.

“My husband got it for me because he knew I’d love it. And I do.”

“So you’ve seen The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari?” he asked.

“Oh yes. Old films just have a certain quality to them modern films can’t replicate.”

“I completely agree. Is it one of your favourite films at the moment?”

“It is but I really like Nosferatu, mainly because it’s an early depiction of vampires. Oh, do you know the film Shadow of the Vampire?”

“Of course, a masterpiece to honour its original film,” you nodded in agreement. “Nicolas Cage produced that film.”

“He did?”

“Yes, he grew up with all those silent films.”

“How did I not notice?”

*****

“We ended up having this amazing discussion about German silent films.”

“Wow, I’m so happy you found someone other than your boyfriend who’ seen Caligari.”

Javi either didn’t notice the quip or chose to ignore it. “She must be married to someone amazing.”

“Yeah, Dieter is a pretty nice guy.”

“Yes and, wait who?”

“Dieter Bravo,” said Reece.

“What do you mean Dieter Bravo?” he asked more sternly.

“I mean Dieter Bravo is her husband.”

“You’re telling me that smart sophisticated woman is married to that…” he couldn’t think of an appropriate word, “…man?”

Sometime in the middle of the night, Javi bolted upright in bed.

“Oh Dios Mio!” he exclaimed; startling Reece awake in the process.

“Javi,” they grumbled. “There had better be a fire or I’m setting you on fire.”

“Dieter Bravo has offspring!”

“Yes he has offspring. You’ve met the offspring.”

“I can’t believe that adorable little girl is the offspring of…” again he couldn’t find the appropriate word, “…him!”

“Were you expecting horns? Or a forked tongue?”

*****

Reece wandered into the on-set daycare as usual to pick up Ari and noticed you following after.

They held out their hand to you, “Hi, I’m Reece. I’ve made friends with your husband Dieter. Also, you’ve made friends with my partner Javi.”

“Oh hi!” You shook hands and introduced yourself. “Is it weird to say I loved your script?”

“No, not at all.”

“I teared up the way I would a Mike Flanagan series.”

“I still cry over Bly Manor.”

You would have had a fangirl moment with the screenwriter, but you were both interrupted by two little girls running up to you.

“Noma!” Ari did her usual upsie hands.

Juggling a boisterous toddler in their hands, Reece explained, “I’m non-binary so Noma is an alternative to mum or dad.”

“Oh, so you prefer they/them pronouns?” Reece raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Dieter’s assistant is the same.”

They were rather impressed at the casual acceptance, “Hey, do you want to go get a coffee?”

“No coffee!” came the cry from Ari.

“Oh, that’s right. I need to seriously cut back on the coffee. I was practically living off it, getting the script done.”

“Are you into tea? I know a place that does great chai,” you suggested. “And they make a really good chocolate milk.”

Both girls immediately perked up.

“Should have led with that.”

The café was cosy and quaint with comfortable benches. After ordering masala chai, chocolate milk and cookies for the girls, you both settled in.

“So how did you and Javi meet?”

“Oh, I was hired to do rewrites for What’s It About and that’s how we met.”

“I loved that film!”

“I’m proud of that one. How did you meet Dieter?”

“We met while doing Sap of Justice.”

“Wait, you did the makeup for it?” you nodded. “Oh, that part where his skin came off and the blood was like tree sap? I loved that!”

“Are people still talking about that?”

“Well, it was awesome!”

You both looked over at Clara and Ari having so much fun being in a new play area.

“I love that they’ve made friends,” you hummed in agreement. “They seem close in age. Ari’s birthday is the 21st of September, when is Clara’s?”

“Halloween.”

“Her birthday is Halloween?” you nodded. “Was that planned?”

“Oh no, Clara wasn’t planned at all. All we knew was that she’d be due mid-November, but I guess she loves Halloween as much as me so,” you flourished your hands in a shrug.

“Ari wasn’t planned either. But if we were planning, Javi would have tried to plan the conception, so she’d be born around Nic Cage’s birthday as close as possible.”

“Seriously?”

“You have no idea how much he loves the man.”

“So if you had another child would he try to do that?”

“Oh, I can’t have any more children.”

“I’m sorry.”

They put a reassuring hand on you, “Don’t worry about it hon, you didn’t know. Ari was an emergency c-section and that’s when doctors found a lump,” you gasped. “The option was either go through months of chemo and miss out on so much of my baby’s life or just have all the organs removed and only miss a little bit. So, I’m happy we had Ari when we did. Would you want more children?”

“I love Clara to bits, but I hated being pregnant,” Reece sighed in sympathy. “I was sick for most of it, and I didn’t cope well afterwards. Honestly if I was by myself, I wouldn’t have survived it. Dieter was one hundred percent there for me and he won’t admit it but he’s an amazing father and I’ve fallen more in love with him.”

You both just sat there in a comfortable silence until refreshments arrived. The girls were called back from their playing. Clara wanted to sit on your lap, so you moved her there and she kissed your cheek.

“She’s a cuddler, like her father,” you explained to Reece.

“Daddy huggy!”

“Yes he is!” you kissed her pudgy little cheek.

*****

“Oh, I met your new best friend today!” Reece informed Javi. “She’s adorable! I can see why Dieter loves her.” They gritted their teeth as that name was accidentally said out loud and Javi groaned in annoyance.

“The whole family is adorable,” Reece continued. “We should adopt them!’

“We are not adopting a family. Especially if that includes Dieter Bravo.”

“Javi, why the animosity? Did he say something rude to you on set?”

“No,” Javi shifted. “He’s never said anything to me. We’ve never talked.”

“What the hell? How can you say you know him when you’ve never talked to him?” Reece held Javi’s face, “The Dieter I know is a sweetheart; he’s mad about his wife and he adores his little girl. He’s a genuine good guy. He’s not going to play Mr. Nice Guy and then stab you in the back like-”

“That prick Jagar Aldritch.”

“Still hung up on that?”

“Wouldn’t you be? He ruined my film.”

“And he tried to flirt with me.”

“What? Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“It was just the once. I think my pronouns confused him,” they changed the subject. “Anyways, you should just talk to him. Who knows, it might be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

*****

Javi was happy to see you after the weekend. He promised Reece he’d make an effort with Dieter and would at least talk to him. If it came about naturally, he wasn’t going to walk up to him because it might seem too straightforward.

He hated to admit it, but he liked the actor’s work ethic; he’d always be on time and too the role seriously enough without going method. The scene where Jack Black was playing on a grand piano and Dieter was lying supine across it while singing the big musical number Sugar and Spice: A Bitter Taste was insanely hilarious and anyone else wouldn’t have pulled it off as well.

Javi praised the performance while you were once again deep in conversation. You saw Dieter approaching the two of you and finally Javi had to talk to the actor.

“Oh, hey Dieter. Have you met the producer?”

He held out his hand, Dieter reluctantly took it.

“Hi, I’m Javi Gutierrez.”

Dieter mumbled his name.

“So what’s your favourite Nic Cage film?” Dieter raised an eyebrow in question. “Well I keep having interesting conversations with your wife over several of Mr. Cage’s films so I assumed…”

“Oh, I don’t like Nic Cage.”

This was not going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @glshmbl @gswizzsstuff @cupcakehp @nicolethered @blueeyesatnight

[papastarion]

Papastarion Headcanons Pt. 4

“Roman Empire,” this, “Roman Empire,” that. A man’s obsession with the fall of Rome is a half-forgotten hobby compared to the amount of time I spend thinking about this man and his children.

•I think, given that magistrate is a hereditary title, he probably had some vague inclination that at some point he’d have to have a child or two to keep the title going. But then Cazador happened. And then he was turned. And then there were no thoughts or feelings on the issue for 200 years, not that the thoughts before were ever very deep, or the feelings very strong one way or the other. But once it’s happening, and it’s a tangible reality, he’s head over heels about being a father.

•Per lore, which I take or leave as I please, Mephistopheles tieflings are known for their minds. So, I like to think out of the brood, it’s Mina who takes the magistrate mantle. I can see Astarion getting involved in politics behind the scenes over the years, but her ticket in is definitely through her grandfather, since he still holds his seat publicly and isn’t, you know, believed to be dead. But Astarion teaches her everything he knows.

•He’s the kind of parent to talk to newborns like they’re adults. He’ll carry out entire conversations with his and Thea’s four month old son like he’s talking to Karlach or Gale or Lae’zel. “All I’m saying is that Lady Jannath should know better by now.” *Incoherent babbling.* “Exactly! I’m so glad you understand.”

•A personal favorite headcanon of mine is that Astarion can play the violin and piano and that rhythm and music make sense in that way, but he can’t dance to save his life. But swaying to some music and dancing are two different calibers, you see. He loves when the kids want to dance. He’ll let them stand on his feet and he’ll do simple steps. It doesn’t matter if they’re at home or some big gala either his parents or Thea or an old friend needed his attendance at. He’s a father of few rules, but one of his long-standing ones is that they each save a dance for him at every party.

•He can’t say no if a stray is brought into the house. The usual offender is Apolinary (who grows into a fine ranger, to no one’s surprise), and if is isn’t Apolinary, it’s Eldritch. Astarion always swears the next one will be the last. (It never is, though most get moved to more permanent homes down the road.)

•Always has candy on his person. Thea has a sweet tooth and every single one of their children seems to have inherited it. He learns to save himself and the kids (and his wife) the hassle and always has some sort of sweet hidden away in his pockets.

•Birthdays are a big deal. Each one of them. And they’re family affairs. The old gang all comes as is possible, and they’re just as much involved in the festivities. But Astarion is the designated party planner.

•Would never put the kids down if he didn’t have to. He’s terrible at sharing unless it’s Thea he’s up against. Other than that, that his baby and he’s very much not going to share. Showing them off? Absolutely. Please, bask in the most perfect combination of genetics possible, but you will look, not touch, because he’s clearly not held them long enough. Clearly. 😂

•He’s always curious about what they’ll look like before they’re born. He’s always so intrigued by whether they’ll have his hair or Thea’s single little freckle by their eye, or if they’ll get his (original) eye color.

•One of his favorite little things is that Nero (their firstborn) has lopsided ears. Their kids are the products of an elf and a half-elf, and Nero’s left ear happens to be shorter like a half-elf’s, while his right one is notably longer. Astarion tugs on his left ear as a sign of endearment, to remind Nero that he’s loved how he is.

•As mentioned in a previous edition, Astarion is the bedtime story master. Almost all of those stories are about the heroics of their mother. From gnolls, to rival necromancers (“none of whom had half the skill of your mother, by the way”), to defying gods like their grandfather, Bhaal himself. Thea’s quick to inform their children that he’s quite the hero himself, too. (“I suppose I did become one, didn’t I? Though your mother gives me too much credit. She and our friends dragged me towards heroism kicking and screaming in much the same way we have to drag you lot to the bath after a day of gardening with Jaheira’s lot.” “That may be so, but only one of us has slain a vampire lord by their own hand.” “Ah, true enough. I still couldn’t have done it without you showing me I could, though.” *Queue the kids all ewwing and gagging at their parents being gross and mushy again.)

•One of my absolute favorites (that I really need to write a drabble for, tbh) is that while Thea’s pregnant with Nero, they head back to her home in Neverwinter to deal with a legal feud involving her family (not Bhaal, it’s kind of complicated), and Astarion has a full Peeta Mellark moment during an ensuing dinner/gala (Except there actually is a baby here.) Thea always finds him attractive, but he was extra attractive for that one.

[fllagellant]

Tagged by wonderful @ghoulsbeard and @mattmxrdock for wip whenever … it can be Wednesday still if you believe … tagging my friend @ikarons @asharaks @the-eldritch-it-gay @danifart @glamfellens and anyone else too … when I wake up I might add more tags btw bc my brain is slowing to a halt rn

excerpt from the giilvas vs gortash + the aftermath fic below the cut .. ( this is an aftermath part btw )

Come the morning, when the night guards would have turned in and the morning men would start their duties, the carnage would be found. Wyll had heard utterings that the collapse of the Steel Watch was an

Omen

Metal caskets housing brain and nerve falling to their knees in the streets. The instantaneous fall of the proud defence of the Gate punctuated by the rumbling explosion down by the water. The foundry that birthed them crumbling into the ocean.

They said the

Omen

Warned of a tragedy ready to unfold, of a nightmare. Of the horrors of the world sinking its teeth into Baldur’s Gate. They did not know that the horror had already sunk into the dirt, lived in the waters, breathed in Wyrm’s Rock. Fed upon their minds.

The paper boys had been yelling the word

Omen

From the wooden crate preacher boxes. Too strange of a word for the mouth of a child. Instead of one word, one warning, it spilled from their lips as a two word phrase. Oh, men! Oh, men! Oh, men! And Wyll knew those children did not know the words they were selling. They did not understand the unknowable. And Wyll wished there wasn’t a beast, mad and cruel and angry, living under the Gate. And he wished children could be children, as he would press coin into their hands and take a copy.

[halfagone]

fic stats

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

Thank you for the tag, @oliveofvanders!! <333

Most Hits

lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood - DPxDC

Based on this Tumblr prompt. Lex Luthor has recently acquired a son. Weapon? Parole officer? ...Lex now has a teenaged god and he'll be damned if someone tries to take the kid away from him.

Originally started as a collection of inter-connected one-shots. It was only meant to last twenty chapters. It grew plot. It's almost at 500k words. It's projected to finish at 150 chapters. I am in plot hell.

Second Most Kudos

Two For One Special - DPxDC

While in Gotham, Clark gets mistaken for Bruce Wayne. He's not alone in his dilemma, however, because a teenager by the name of Danny is also mistaken to be Tim Drake. At least Clark's having fun with his fellow captive. Day 2/November 15th: Mistaken Identity | It’s tough gaining respect from new League members when they find out one of their superiors is a 14-year-old

My submission for the DP/DC Crossover Week in 2022! This one was a lot of fun, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see how many people enjoyed it as well. :3

Third Most Comments

Off With [the Demon's] Head - DPxDC

As it turns out, Damian is not Talia's firstborn. Not her first child, not her first son. This would not be so horrible if Talia's actual firstborn hadn't been stolen from her as a babe. But he's alive. And he's not alone. As it turns out, Talia is a grandmother. She takes this news surprisingly well. If only Damian did the same.

This was a gift fic for an inquiring reader and it took up so much of my brain that it went from being a 10-chapter quick fic, to being a whole plot-filled, time traveling misadventure.

Fourth Most Kudos

Eldritch Toddler - DPxDC

Bruce is not prepared for when John Constantine hands over a young boy who has been de-aged. While Constantine goes off in search of the one responsible, Bruce and his family are left to care for the child. Danny is a sweet kid, he isn't fussy either! This should be fine. They quickly learn to take Constantine's warnings seriously. Day 3/November 16th: Eldritch Identities | The worst person to put in charge of teens is another teenager

This is Day 3 of my DP/DC Crossover Week 2022 submissions!! I am pleasantly surprised to see two of that work so high up on this list!! Very nice to see people still enjoy it after all this time. <3

Fifth Most Words

bloodlines - DPxDC

Diana stumbles upon a prophecy, which thus leads her tumbling into a secret long since kept from her and Batman. They had a son together, one who was ripped out of her arms not long after his birth. A son who is prophesized to cause the apocalypse and end the world as they know it. Although they are no longer a couple, they intend to find and raise their son to ensure this prophecy never comes to be. Neither of them realize that he's way ahead of them.

...This one has 34k words already? I had no idea it'd grown that much in only 4 chapters, holy cow. Welp, I hope to continue it someday, because the brainrot is REAL, my friends.

Fic With Least Words

silly, silly turtles - Tower of God

Takes place between Season 2, Episode 310 - 312 (SPOILER ALERT!!!!! if not caught up) In which Rak thinks about the many important turtles in his life.

This is actually my very first fic ever! It was just a 600 word one-shot, canon compliant as you can tell from the summary. I actually totally forgot about this fic, it's been so long. But I'm glad I could remember my roots now.

I suppose I'll tag~ @die-erlkonigin6083 @disillusioneddanny and @thewritingowl!! Apologies if you get @'d twice!!

[grimaussiewitch]

100 warlock patron pack ideas: part 2

11: So you keep having recurring dreams about this ancient one but you guys are buddies so it’s fine. Turns out, most people lose their minds seeing or hearing this creature, so the fact that you two are having little tea parties in your dreams is kind of funky. You get some eldritch powers, as a treat.

12: You were in a market place and were dared by a friend to buy a lamp. Well, turns out the seller was a genie, whoops, guess what happens now! Warlock pack!

13: You were brought up in a cult and one day they forced you to bind with the patron they all worship. You didn’t have a choice. A few months go by and you wake up from your bed to fire. The cult is on fire so you run. You run as fast as you can, never looking back. You don’t know how to feel about this forced pack but you’re learning to live with it. Maybe, one day, you can break it.

14: Your fiend of a father kind of slept around. To cull the amount of children he has, he offered a challenge. It’s simple really, be the only child. If you do that, you will gain immense power. Over time if you train or do some of his odd jobs, you’ll gain more power access. Aka, levelling up.

15: You were not the favourite child. When your sibling fell very ill, in desperation your parents sold your soul to a patron. Are you hurt? Want revenge? Relieved to be away from your family?

16: You found a rabbit being attacked by a fox or birds. You shoo them away and took the rabbit into your home. You nursed it back to health and one day, the little rabbit spoke to you. It’s an archfey and to repay your kindness it offers you fey knowledge. So you may or may not got tricked by a fey by becoming its warlock.

17: You always loved the sun. Growing up you would wake with the sun and fall asleep with it. You always believe it had power and knowledge beyond your comprehension. Who knew falling asleep one night you would wake up with slightly warm, glowing skin. Congrats, the literal sun is your patron.

18: Your first memory is you floating on your back in the deep dark ocean, the moon beams brighter then ever. Something about the moon draws you in. How did you end up in the ocean without any memories and your hair white as the moon? Nobody but your patron above knows.

19: Your dad was a very, very unlucky man. To get out of trouble, he would always offer his first born to a patron. Well, he died not long after you were born. The patrons were too sick and tired of his games. But now you have 7 patrons to choose from, each representing one of the seven deadly sins. Be careful of who you choose for the other six will be jealous and will cause your demise in their own special way. That flirty bartender? She might be a bit too pushy. That angry drunk? Be careful, he might turn his rage onto you.

20: Never go out for drinks with drunken sailors, you might end making a deal with one that’s a giant snake in disguise.

[psychologeek]

Prompt 04.01.24 - Friendship (isn't magic, it's hard bitter work)

You know what I want to see?

I want to see Ra's Al-Ghul and Magneto friendship.

I want to see those men who saw too much and lived through the the losses of everyone (over and over again) interact.

I want to see Ra's who's tired of humankind and just all of this (*point out at the world*) that he's also stopped trying to change anything. Sort of "let them burn the world. I've seen it happen and I'll see it again" kind of tired. Ra's who's not an "evil for evil single minded terrorist" but a person who got tired of the world and humans and his main goal is to either keep all the knowledge (my hc) or try to prevent humans from destroying everything on this globe (he unfortunately has to share with them) and has a secret place for animals considered extinct.

Give me a Magneto who's lost and tired and abandoned hopes from humanity. Give me a Magneto who's rightfully disgusted from everything humans did and do and continue to come up with. Give me a Magneto that's only going through bc of spite and the desperate need to create a safer place for the next generation.

Give me a Magneto that every once in a while will go to visit the strange old man he met when he was younger, and spend days just. Finally screaming and being able to get some empathy from someone that also look at the world and goes "yup. It's crap."

Give me Ras that hoards knowledge like a dragon letting Magneto read one of the original writings of the Rambam (Maimonides). Or Ra's keeping some of the missing pieces of Keter Aram Tzova (the oldest Torah) And Magneto crying, because

(It's old, and part of his culture, and it survived. Through the fire and being burned down and half lost, it made it through.)

Give me a Magneto showing up at Nanda Parvat at 3am in the pouring rain and 3 kids with him, just like "hi, I thought you might have a place for them? It's not safe."

(one of them is visibly different. Very different. Like, Kurt or Hunk or Angel different. One is a baby, just gives the worst vibe, feels OFF (Eldritch way). The third is fully covered, and as Ra's give her his hand, she flinches.

"it's not safe," she cries with eyes wide with horror. "Don't touch me! I make people die!"

Ra's just shrugs.

"Good thing our pool can fix it."

She just blinks, and he turns around, telling them to enter and close the god damn door behind, "there's a drift!"

And he tell one of the servents to get dry clothes and make hot Sachlav for his guests.

Just... give a Ra's and Magneto friendship. Not romantic. Just two frustrated men, tired of this world, that keep an unlikely friendship despite all of their differences.

(Give me Ra's, still sitting by the chessboard they played, offering Erik to stay.

"You know why I can't," the younger smiles sadly.

"I'll keep asking," the old man warns. "It would be such a waste to lose you."

And the young man's eyes narrows, funding and sad. "I won't tell you to stop."

Give me a Ra's, seeing the young turn into old. Slowly watches as hair turns grey and face slightly change and trying not to think of the ticking clock.

"I could make you young again," he suggests, almost begging. "I could make live forever!"

The younger man put his Tea down.

"why the HELL would I want that!?"

Ra's freeze.

"The child I was died there, with my parents. The man I was died with Magda and our child. I watched my world burn, over and over again, leaving me in the ashes."

"I lived with the death for as long as I can remember," there's a distance look in his eyes. "Why would I see it as anything but an old friend?"

Just

Give me Ra's and Magneto friendship, with many arguments and countless disagreements and completely opposite opinions on many things, but they are still friends.

(+Bonus points if there's no white washing or Christening

++ If they have terrible arguments BUT THEY TALK ABOUT IT and still stay friends (/at least communicating)

+++ if they can live with "our opinions our differents"

++++ if they can put disagreements aside to co-op for important things.)

Just

Give me friendship and communication. Despite and through it all.

Thank you

[hopeful-hugz]

Noir :: Extended Story Ramble

Noir is mainly a creature known as a voidling (see the original species masterpost); having advanced beyond that to ascend to eldritch godhood. Nowadays she's outwardly confident and very clearly not the best person. But around people she trusts she's a lot more timid.

Despite this there's an instinctual pride that covers an incredible shame.

Approximately 3,606 years ago, one of the biggest voidling hives in the multiverse experienced a rare phenomena: The eggs of heirs hatching. Six of them to be exact. The hive's current queen, known as Void Empress Jaydes, would be expected to be surpassed by one and the rest leaving into the greater void to start hives of their own.

The queen, enraged by the very idea of stepping down from her long-lived rule and already infamous for her vice grip of a hivemind, tightened her grip on these six in specifically. Not just taking near-full control of their beings, but physically changing them and repressing their queen breed natures. The six heirs would become her personal jester voidlings, all taking the forms of different dragons.

A particular whelp was focused on more than the others; one who was the spitting image of the Empress herself, save for her elements of shade and sight. That one was was turned into a scout-breed voidling, it's power more suppressed than the others. Jaydes had a special purpose in mind for this one. It was to be her personal eyes on the outside, an extension of herself due to her looks. A tool to spread terror and bring back food for the entire hive.

And a tool it was, going by the name Kanivia in and personally claiming the name Noir outside of it. This voidling was a monster, wings guided by a malevolence she tried desperately to break free from. Tried to chip away at the hold on her for the next 500 years.

Then something broke.

Kanivia would encounter someone; a gorgeous aether being going by the fake name of Maria. She wasn't scared by any of the tool's tactics, instead questioning both puppet and puppeteer. Eventually cutting the puppet's strings and sending her away to see what would happen.

After all, you don't get to stage an experiment like this every day.

For 100 short years the voidling youth fled and hid, eventually hiding and settling down under the care of a benevolent god by the name of Infinity. He said that he was the god of eternity; of legacies and seeing them prosper. With his help, Kanivia began to establish a sense of self, completely dropping her hatch-name and solely going by Noir. She learned happiness, she learned grief and she learned the nature of what she really was. Unfortunately she wouldn't be able to explore the reaches of such things. The Empress would catch up with her soon enough, Noir not hesitating to try everything to protect her friend. Though she was no match for her own hivemind.

What transpired that day is remembered faintly in Noir's memories. The pain of a tight vice grip she couldn't fight and her own claws ripping her god friend in two, right before her eyes. It broker her, seeing everything taken away in an instant. But Jaydes wasn't done with her traitor's punishment. Not even significantly. The heavy blinders were put onto the puppet, fully mind controlled. Fully belonging to the Void Empress.

It wouldn't be until 3,090 years later that the voidling would gain some semblance of self back. Still heavily under her Empress' control, but able to see what was going on. She was in a house on fire, Jaydes talking to a little girl through her. A little girl she decided to call Fir, after the wood her doll-like legs were made of.

A deal is struck and a possession preformed; the queen breed in control now having two puppets. One directly controlled and one manipulated by the extension to herself. What would come next was a year of horrific deeds, tarnishing the young child's reputation across the multiverse all for the emotions the child would give off. Over that year, Noir also found her own reputation had been tarnished and ruined before it had even started, adding on to the child's despair.

It led to Noir trying to fight once again, coaxing Fir where she could to try and sever her from her grasp or kill them both. Eventually, she somewhat succeeded. Getting the child turned into a doll and Noir herself sealed inside. For a short while at least.

Eventually a teenager came across the doll, by the name of Chamyle "Hopeful" Hugz. Learning the truth about who the doll was and who Noir herself was, Chamyle had decided to free the child and seal the voidling puppet in her own mind instead. Though that only partially worked. Jaydes still had control of Fir and would take her over when the void beast was useless to her.

This cycle kept up for seven years; in that time Noir getting expelled from Chamyle's mind and pulled back to Fir's body. Getting both a blessing from a dream demon looking to become whole and being ripped away from her humans by a Collective. Thankfully the latter hadn't lasted long, some old friends- now long gone- having severed her mind from that mess and giving her an additional resistance to Jaydes' mind games. The combination ascending her into the tiers of the gods themselves.

Though it wouldn't be until a total of 3,598 years had gone by that Noir would truly be free. She'd finally gotten to Chamyle; the Archivist. She'd finally gotten all her cards on the table. The young oblivion-riddled woman had enough in her to get genuinely upset and she waged war.

One moment there was orders, then screams, then a mind shattering destruction of the hive she was connected to and the hivemind that had her in it's claws for so long.

She was free... But where did she go from there?

The next year would be spent establishing some sort of life and loose connections. Spent finding a whelp and raising him with the assistance of Chamyle and her daughter. Spent fighting against the very woman who had severed her strings that first time and striking her down.

Spent surviving.

Now she stands, her beloved Chamyle gone, little brother ready to take on the world on her own and an uncertain future for herself. Two choices lay in front of her: Isolate and become the villain her reputation still roars loudly or build something new.

[rvend]

character sheet.

FULL NAME. Rue Emmanuelle Fairchild. NICKNAMES. None. PRONOUNS. She/her/hers. SIZE.  5'3. AGE. 35. ZODIAC.  Virgo. SPOKEN LANGUAGES. English. French.

physical characteristics.

HAIR.  Naturally a dark brown, but Rue has dyed it black since she was 14. She's gone through a lot of styles over the years but currently it's settled on longer and layered, past her shoulders, with bangs that are growing out. EYES. Grey. SKIN TONE. Incredibly pale. She'd make Snow White jealous with how fair-skinned she is. However she is absolutely covered in tattoos. They are all eldritch horror themed and while there are gaps of skin showing, there isn't a spot on her body that isn't tattooed (save for her face). There are even tattoos on her breasts (edges from the larger pieces on her ribs or shoulders). BODY TYPE. Ectomorph. Lithe and thin, very slender. VOICE. Deeper than one might imagine a girl of her stature would have, or maybe it perfectly fits someone that's edging on adult alternative grunge-goth. DOMINANT HAND.  She's ambidextrous but primarily uses her right hand. POSTURE. She's such a sloucher. She stands more upright but not proper posture at all, and she sits like a gargoyle when she's doing graphic design work or forging. SCARS. Various scars from accidents as a child and the occasional scar from needles. Nothing substantial, however. BIRTHMARKS. A few beauty marks here and there. MOST NOTABLE FEATURES.  Tattoos and piercings galore. She has double snakebites in her bottom lip, two piercings in her right brow, one piercing in her left nostril, her tongue, a double helix piercing, conch piercing and two lobe piercings in her left ear, an industrial piercing in her right as well as one in her lobe (no gauges), a VHC and triangle piercing in her genitals and two piercings in her right nipple (in an X shape), and one in her left (standard horizontal bar).

childhood.

PLACE OF BIRTH. Marseilles, France. HOMETOWN. Chesapeake, Virginia. Manhattan, New York, New York. SIBLINGS. None. PARENTS.  Cecile Fairchild (deceased; 38). James Fairchild (deceased; 39). RAISED BY. Lenore Fairchild (45).

adult life.

OCCUPATION. Freelance graphic designer. Forger. CURRENT RESIDENCE.  Manhattan, New York, New York (verse dependent). CLOSE FRIENDS. TBA. FINANCIAL STATUS. Upper class. DRIVER'S LICENSE. Yes but she hates driving. CRIMINAL RECORD.  Minor infractions for drug offenses and alcohol. One count of breaking and entering, loitering, and assault as a juvenile. MILITARY RECORD. None. SKILLSET. She's an incredibly talented forger. The kind of menace with a computer graphic program that got notoriety as a teenager. VICES. Smoking, occasional drug use, sex addiction.

sex & romance.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.  Heterosexual. PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE.  If you ask her, none. But she needs someone whose not going to abandon her and willing to stick around and prove it. She's difficult and spiteful with a lot of walls. However she is a giver and when she does care, she cares with everything she has. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.  True switch. She will be completely dominant with one partner and easily switch to total sub for the next. It depends on her partner's preference. TURN OFFS. Complete narcissism, talking too much, lawful-good personalities. TURN ON'S.  Sarcasm, a good power struggle (verbal or otherwise), someone who gives back just as much as she gives. LOVE LANGUAGE.  Acts of service. Quality time. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.  She's incredibly difficult but once someone breaches her walls she gives them everything she's capable of. Despite her many thorns and spikes she is actually a very giving individual and has a lot of love ot give the right and patient one. However it's been nearly 20 years since she's been in a real relationship so she's a bit ... rusty.

miscellaneous.

HOBBIES TO PASS THE TIME. Making memes, listening to music, sex, photography. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. Right brained. SELF-CONFIDENCE LEVEL. She was really eccentric in her teens and honestly has never once given a single fuck what anyone thought of her (appearance, personality) which means she is very self-confident without coming across as smug or narcissistic. EXTRA. Rue suffers from a congenital birth defect known as CIPA - Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis. In essence she physically cannot feel pain, and her body unable to tell hot or cold sensations. The anhidrosis makes her unable to sweat. She wears something akin to an iWatch that keeps track of her body temperature and has alarms that ring if she needs to adjust to be cooler or warmer. She performs self-checks multiple times a day to ensure she hasn't hurt herself in her sleep or doing any sort of activity. She's been hospitalized for injuries or illnesses before with no outward tells to what's affecting her. As such, she has a close relationship with various doctors. Much of her excellent medical care is thanks to her aunt, whose wealth and influence assured she was always cared-for.

[paradoxiii]

So yesterday I spent a bunch of time recreating D&D characters in BG3 (after having downloaded a bunch of cc mods)

FYI I wasn't paying attention & didn't actually change Evie's stats/proficiencies/etc. to mimic her actual character sheet before taking the screenshot, but everyone else's info is as close to "canon" as I could get them.

1) Brenworne Flashwing - High Elf, Fighter (Eldritch Knight), Noble. I used her for a campaign in college that only had a couple sessions. One of my ironic characters (a high elf from a noble family but she slings around a big axe & hates nobility). I'd like to reuse her one day.

2) Carla - Hill Dwarf, Bard (College of Lore), Entertainer. Used in a completed campaign with friends from high school! She originally didn't have a beard but partway through the campaign I was like "she only shaves once it starts getting annoying to deal with" so she ended up with a bit of a beard.

3) Ebony Way - Tiefling, Fighter. Used in a two-shot modern campaign held over Roll20! Here she doesn't really look very close to "canon" at all but I originally designed her on Hero Forge. Another ironic character (tiefling fighter but she's sweet & kind & wears pastel clothes).

4) Evie - Changeling (usually disguised as human), Sorcerer (Death Touched), Haunted One. Also used in a two-shot campaign with college friends! And also another ironic character (Death Touched & Haunted but wears a pretty white dress and make her hair pink).

5) Isil - Half-Elf (half human, half high elf), Sorcerer (Draconic Bloodline - Black)/Rogue (Thief), Charlatan. Not yet used & one of the rare characters that actually has a fair bit of backstory already. Also her scales usually only look like purple makeup & become black scales when she's using magic. No particular campaign preference, she's just kind of a fugitive & a mercenary.

6) Kallisto - Tiefling, Druid (Circle of Stars)/Rogue (Swashbuckler), Sailor (Pirate). The newest edition to my roster & not yet used! She also has a fair bit of backstory; ideally I'd like to use her in a campaign that starts with all the player characters having amnesia since that's where my backstory for her ends, but I can always adjust.

7) Qelira - Water Genasi, Ranger, Charlatan. Used in one campaign in college that only had like one or two sessions, then reused for another campaign that was technically also a redo of another more modern campaign. Qelira is my ADHD gremlin child & I'd like to use her again someday

8) Singe - Tiefling, Warlock. Not yet used. Her patron is a celestial being that actually made a pact with Singe's mother while she was pregnant with her. She died in childbirth & the patron raised Singe themself. I'm not sure how exactly I would fit her into a campaign, as I'm not sure why she would leave her patron. Something to discuss with the DM should I end up in a campaign that I'd like to use her for.

9) Vhinn Do'mtor - Air Genasi (child of a drow and a djinn), Rogue (Thief)/Sorcerer (Shadow Magic), Urban Bounty Hunter. Used in a campaign in college that fizzled out in "season 2". Part of me wants to reuse her one day, but I also don't think I could; she's kinda attached to that particular world in my mind. I did, however, make an alternate version of her where her mother never left the Underdark & thus Vhinn was born full drow (and named Vhana for the sake of differentiation). Her mother, Chalnitra, never liked drow society or Lolth & raised her child in the hopes that she might one day leave. Vhana, despite becoming a Cleric of Lolth (she is still a shadow magic Sorcerer as well, she gets that from her mother regardless of who her father was), does leave the Underdark. I imagine there would be some tension between her & other part members, & she wouldn't blame them for not trusting her. Regardless, who knows how long she can keep calling on Lolth's power before the goddess rejects her for turning her back on everything the drow stand for...

[fandomfaeofveryfewf4cks]

There is an eldritch being that takes on a gaseous form, so that it can observe humanity discreetly. In the beginning, it was perplexed and often disgusted by the ways of the humans. The way they interacted with one another without truly understanding each other. The billions upon billions of times two or more humans exchange words for the first time and skirt around showing who they truly are for fear of becoming too close, even though that is the purpose of seeking out members of your fellow species: to be less lonely.

Everything is made up of matter and molecules that come together and separate on a level no human soul could hope to achieve before death. That is why this being likes to be in a gaseous form. It's a little bit of everything.

Our gaseous friend does enjoy some of the systems humans came up with however. The language of math in particular is quite intriguing. Our eldritch being was visiting its elder, the mother tree, who provided them with some advice.

"Perhaps you should get to know them through their ways, my child. Perhaps, you will find a better understanding for why they are so loyal to these aspects of their culture."

After much debate, the gaseous form opted to do as the mother tree asked...with the firm belief that they would not enjoy it.

They remained in their gaseous form, but increased their humidity and got help from their sister, Sunlight, to become more visible.

The humans reacted strangely, to say the least.

The land they were in was one more heavily populated by the humans. There was also a higher amount of diversity, so Phillis (they decided on using the name Phillis because part of the human experience is to place great importance on names) could learn more about the far reaches of humanity's personalities and history.

They went to a college classroom, for many of the humans pointed there when asked where the best place to learn was. Phillis was fairly certain they heard one human say to the one who directed them to the college, "Are you sure pointing it towards those poor people is a good idea?"

"It just wants to learn things. Can't be worse than anything AI could do. Besides, the teachers aren't paid enough to care and the students won't notice it either way; it's finals week."

Phillis took little notice of their remarks.

They were soon in the classroom and looking at the people around them. Some slumped over looking like they're going to pass out. Some buzzing with caffeine. Some looked completely normal, but Phillis could see their thoughts and it was just a singular, slightly alarming noise: "AAAAAAAAAAASGHHIFUDJGHHHHHHOHKGJDYDFHFJFUGGIIGGIGFUCKMYLIFEGHDYGIGHDUGJFYDU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Phillis tuned this out.

Not seeing much else of interest, Phillis turned to what the teacher was saying. They were discussing complex math problems in detail. Phillis listened. And listened. And listened.

Phillis then floated over to the board with a gorgeously impossible-looking math problem on it.

They manipulated the air around the chalk, making it denser, and used it to write. It was not an unpleasant sensation, especially when the results were the proof of Phillis' genius.

The equation that answered the problem was

y=-(sin(x^(1.7/6)+4)+(1/x))+10

Many of the students laughed for unknown reasons.

The teacher smirked before turning to Phillis and saying "Well, whoever or whatever you are-"

"I am an Eternal being created from space matter and explosive chemical reactions. You may refer to me as Phillis or with the pronouns "they" and "them.""

"...Got it. Well, Phillis, if you'd like to join my class, I'd be honored to have you. It's not everyday, someone takes initiative in a way that doesn't make you want to tear your hair out. You can borrow a textbook from the pile over there. We're on page 69."

There was a synchronized utterance of the word "nice" from multiple students.

Phillis enjoyed math class. They came back each day because it was a fascinating process of using otherwise meaningless symbols to find out things you'd hardly know otherwise.

However, a number of the other students gave Phillis notebooks, pens, pencils, rulers, and the like, even though Phillis made no request for these items. When asked about their actions, their answers ranged from nervous shrugs, to "I just figured you'd need them for this class," to remarkably detailed explanations of study plans described like a cult member discussing how they've 'seen the light and it's all thanks to (insert popular figure here).'

Nonetheless, it reminded Phillis of why they were actually here. To understand the humans.

They started observing these individuals more closely and realized that many of them waved to Phillis upon first seeing them. Phillis doesn't have eyes in the usual sense, so no one could tell that Phillis hadn't seen them and they carried on with their routine.

Phillis specifically started to take note on the removable pieces of each person. One wore a pink beanie with the words "Think Pink" on it. One wore an impressive amount of flannel. One wore high heels and had a small dog in a purse with him at all times.

The student that sat at the same long table as Phillis, wore a black, faux leather vest with spikes all over it, platform boots with rainbow colored buckles, ripped jeans, and an array of silver-colored jewelry, much of which had been poked through different parts of their face. They had short, purple hair, medium brown skin, and large muscles. There was ink in their skin that formed the images of Nichola Tesla, Michelle Obama, and Marie Curie on one arm, and a long list of Sappho quotes written all over the other.

Phillis asked them a question. "What is your name?"

This person turned very slowly to look at Phillis. Phillis could not read their expression.

"T-Rex," ze answered hesitantly.

"And what are your prefered pronouns?"

T-Rex continued to look wary, but answered, "ze/zem/zer, or they/them. I don't care too much."

"Noted. What would you say is the most worthwhile thing about being human?"

T-Rex raised zer eyebrows. They let out a snort. Then, after a moment of thought, ze answered, "knowing yourself."

This was the start of many conversations between Phillis and T-Rex. Sometimes, they would stop at a diner or coffee shop after class together or visit the public library or record store, where T-Rex would introduce Phillis to many of zer favorite foods and media that influenced zem and helped them discover things that made T-Rex feel most like themself.

Phillis was intrigued by how easy it was to form opinions and feelings about things one knows little to nothing about. Why did they gravitate towards punk rock music instead of the classical that T-Rex was fond of. Why did they think "the Princess Bride" was a more enjoyable book than "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?" Why (and T-Rex was even more flabbergasted by this) did Phillis not see the sexual appeal of Tim Curry in drag?

Phillis discovered there was much to be discovered about not only humanity, but Phillis' own response to humanity. Human beings have somehow become quite talented at changing people's perspective, which is often as exciting as it is terrifying.

Phillis no longer had a distaste for humanity. In fact, they were quite fond of these people. Some of them were unkind and all of them were flawed, but many of them had an enjoyable presence, like T-Rex, and the members of the study group ze introduced Phillis to. The study group welcomed Phillis with open arms upon realizing how easily they understood math, but soon Phillis actually made friends with some of these people. It was quite enjoyable.

The teacher, Ms. Timothy Evergreen, had also took a liking to Phillis. After the first big test Phillis got to participate in, Ms. Evergreen handed them their test results personally. 100%. Then she said something that Phillis would forever consider to be the most delightful thing they'd ever heard.

"Mx. Phillis, I am glad to have graded your test, because it gave me the opportunity to do something that gives me much relief."

"What would that be?"

"Pass gas."

And that was how an eldritch being called Phillis fell in love with puns.

[spyridonya]

Kadira (Favorite)

Catlin(Newest)

Eidon (Aloof)

Abgail (Oldest)

Illyanna (Outgoing)

Zofar (Meanest)

Mavelith (Softest)

Luca (Dumbest)

Xanna (Smartest)

I was tagged by @dujour13

Favorite -Kadira WotR

I think you all know Kadira, she's my current favorite and so much of it is due to entering a fandom again after being sort of isolated due to lack of interest?

Newest - Catlin 5e (but using Pathfinder deities)

One of two twins, Catlin had the miserable luck of being born a girl and suffered through a lot of misogynistic bullshit in her life. She became a ranger (Gloomstalker) and lived in isolation when she was 17, though when her brother was injured and turned a new leaf, she went out to see if she could help him. There's a lot of unspoken angst and anger between them, with Catlin feeling her brother is the golden child.

Oldest - Abigail 3.5/5E

I've had this one since I was 15. Abigail is a half elf bard coming from a place where half elves are not liked, who would have known? Her father woke up one day to find that his former human paramour dropped a bundle of joy off at his doorstep, and he couldn't deny he was the father due to sharing the exact coloring. Abigail became a bard to seek her own fortune. Currently I use her on a 1-on-1 game with a friend of mine. She's currently dating half orc woman who kinda knocked Abigail off her feat.

Meanest - Zofar 3.5/5e/WotR??

Zofar is a Planescape based aasimar that's gone through a few changes since their creation. They originally started as a fighter and fairly masc woman in 3.5e but when I made Zofar again as a LN paladin for 5e, I realized they were genderfluid (they/their). Zofar lost their family at a young age in Sigil to demons, and has become near obsessed with their defeat. They often recruit squires to help them with their duties but fairly recently they've gained the attention of Mephistopheles who is trying to seduce them ... and he's being pretty successful at it, noting that the Blood War is meant to end demons. I might consider throwing Zofar on the Devil Path and be super indulgent. Anyway, Zofar is mean, distant, and brutal to demons and mostly grumpy and standoffish to non-demons. It used to be all fiends but a certain Lord of the Eight is buttering them up from that.

Softest - Mavelith 5e

A Goliath Barbarian (and rogue) standing at 8'2/249cm with easily 400lbs of muscle on her frame, Mavelith 'Twice Living' Kalagiano is the tallest, strongest, and among fastest among my OCs. She is also the Team Mom and is the most gentle, kind, and noble person on the team - as judged by the other players in the game she's in. Born in a backwater tribe of Goliaths and an excellent hunter, Mave was shunned after her stillbirth and postpartum depression when she was 18 by her tribe. She was taken in by halflings and when she recovered, she worked for them and learned some of the of the trade before heading off to adventure. I really adore her character arc from a shy, uncertain woman who becomes a hero and makes peace with her past. As of now, she's off to smack the shit out of a local lich and is engaged to orc chieftian.

Most Aloof  - Eidon Kingmaker

Eidon is a Slayer/Eldritch Knight who is my grumpy tiefling Baron who refuses to really interact with people because he's never quite gotten over the death of his sister and the survival guilt that came with it. With a Cha of 8, Eidon is attractive but his stoic personality and distant nature drop kicks that in the face. He eventually becomes more open as the game progresses, with major events happening in the middle of the game that makes him realize if he doesn't start to care about others, it would be like losing his sister again - but even worse. He won't be the only one handling the anguish and pain this time. He also opens himself up to caring and loving others, and understanding that love isn't always returned, and being open minded to people he'd never give a first chance to.

Dumbest - Luca 5e/Golarian Setting

This guy is interesting! He’s not a PC and he’s not an NPC I used for my games, but I made him associated with my other character, Illy, to make her life seer misery. Luca is an aasimar paladin of Sarenrae (the Redemption subclass in 5e) who is tall, golden, beautiful, and sweet. He embraces forgiveness and love, and likely forgives far more than Sarenrae is happy with. Illy fell head over heels in love for him when she was 15, and he taught some of her art classes in seminary school, having no idea that Luca was in a two year relationship with her parents. He had no clue she liked him as such, and she had no idea he was secretly seeing her parents. She took psychic damage upon finding out. My DM loved Luca so much, they tossed Luca at my RPG group and they all fell in love with him. (Though, the DM is trying to make Luca more straight than I'd like...) Anyway, Luca is dumb as a doorpost. Like. Super dumb. Int was his dump stat and I asked the DM to play it even lower, so he really should be a 7. But he's absolutely pumped up Cha and Str, though he leans more as a magic user than smiter.

Outgoing - Illyanna 5e/Golarian Setting

So. She is the original red Shelynite tiefling. And unlike every other tiefling I have, her upbringing was great is not traditional! Illyanna is the born out of wedlock daughter between a tiefling Paladin of Shelyn who was courting a half elf priestess of Callrista. Illy's father adopted Illy and few ever questioned the parentage. Though they never wedded and lived separately, her parents remained together and maintained an open relationship. However, they were fiercely devoted in raising Illyanna and making sure she had everything she needed and could work on earning whatever she wanted. Illyanna wanted to follow in her father's footsteps, not surprising many due to he being the closer parent. However, when Illy turned 18, her home city Korvosa was taken over by Cheliax. Illy entered a rebellion group and had many misadventures (there were occasional WotR cameos). She is a very bright, warm hearted young woman who drops everything - including seemingly common sense - to charge off and stab at evil. Illy, of course, is aware that saving the innocent (and not so innocent) from death is her job and she's well prepared to handle it. Illy is forgiving and fearless with her sweet, winning nature. Though don't ask her to be purposely sexy, she'll fall over her heels.

Smartest - Xanna 5e/Faerun

My second oldest OC on here, and first tiefling! I stopped playing DnD while in college and when I moved out of state, I found friends via joining a DnD group online. Xanna was my first wizard and first attempt at playing 5e. I half expected I'd treat her like I did with 95% of my PCs prior. she'd have a name and class and she be killed or I'd get bored and make a new PC. She didn't die. . Xanna's story became  this, she originally came from Sigil raised by her parents before her contract with her ancestor forced her to work in what was essentially the Office as run by Asmodeus. She eventually escaped Sigil and ended up in Faerun where she a powerful wizard and made another found family. They, too are also about to go kick a lich's ass.

OC You'd Be Best Friends With

Illyanna, no contest!

I realize many people might have been tagged, but I don't want anyone to feel left out -- and do not feel pressured to do this! I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you!

@aparticularbandit, @cassynite, @commander-lariel, @desnas, @imdoingsortagay, @iwoszareba, @lairiend, @silversiren1101, @angrygoatwoman, @turbulentpumpkin43, @torntruth

[the-grim-squeaker-8]

Ya got an oc thoughts to share today?

Lots of thoughts. [wall of text incoming]

I made a(nother) Wanderhome character I have no one play to with. She's a crow, self-proclaimed Lady Thief, detests being called a cheat or a monster, and wears a black cloak and a mask and an ostentatious belt and carries around a deck of playing cards.

Her name is Sparkle.

She is a fugitive from the law, falsely accused of cheating at cards and high treason, and rightly accused of grand larceny and lying under oath. She has a secret about the king she's not supposed to know, and she used to have a shiny necklace she got from a noble but it's been stolen from her.

…You can guess which of these things she is upset about.

Magicalgirlverse is getting rotated fairly constantly but I'm reluctant to talk about the current storyline thats actually been rotating in my mind for the last few weeks because like. Do I want to put that in public where the internet can judge me. Even if that wasn't an issue, is it something all my friends would want to hear about. Do I even want this to be canon???

But I have no self control, so anyway. This one time I was trying to take a nap and ended up thinking about that Welsh myth where a guy makes a woman out of flowers to be a wife for his nephew and she cheats on him and plots with her boyfriend to murder him and the family turns her into an owl as punishment, and this urban fantasy series I read as a teenager where one of the protagonists finds out she's an artificial human who was created by the big bad (which I definitely remember being a it/its cloud of evil and not, like, a guy) to be its bride and the mother of its child, but her dead mom rescued her as a baby and fed her magic flowers so instead of being evil and into this she was a normal person who refused, also I think her foster mom turned out to be a previous failed attempt at creating a bride and was trying to kill her out of jealousy?

And I was like "these two stories do not address to my satisfaction the tensions inherent in creating a wholeass person to be a custom-order mate and handing them to the kind of person who is okay with that." And I was like "someone somewhere probably has covered it, but what if I did it myself."

And then I was like, "what if Dark Glory (who needed a tragic backstory anyway) was created as a gift for the semi-eldritch god-emperor of space?"

Is this the tone I wanted for my self-indulgent magicalgirlverse? I don't know. Is it in line with the direction I was originally going for with her character? Unclear. Does it feel kind of mean? Yes. But, is it dramatic and works really well with some of her established relationships (like Shadow refusing to address his feelings towards her) and has already spun-off into an entire storyline with fun narrative parallels and a whole other oc I'm not ready to let go of? Also yes.

Basically what if she voluntarily spent time in the god-emperor's custody and experiences the emotional equivalent of when working dogs finally get to experience the job they were born for and this is the happiest and most fulfilled anyone has ever seen her and she doesn't regret the friends she made when she ran away but also it's okay and you don't need to worry about her. :)

So then I have to figure out how to show her that this is still a bad thing actually. And the answer I came up with is "she finds her predecessor who has been metaphorically gathering dust in a closet this whole time since the emperor lost interest in them and Dark Glory decides living in a gilded cage sucks actually and takes them with her.

I should revisit the plotline where Scythe dies, that was some tasty melodrama. I know Shadow's heart gets stolen him so Scythe give him his, Shadow is like "I didn't ask you to do that and I'm still not obligated to forgive you", and then Scythe gets resurrected and turned evil, but his personality is intact so he's sad about it, dies again and Shadow saves him with his original heart (which he retrieved in the interim) because "maybe I just want you to experience the consequences of your actions did you ever think of that."

This is the problem when all the content exists exclusively in my head, whenever I want I can fast forward to the part where they are finally on speaking (if not hugging) terms.

Also, Shadow crochets. I have no idea how this informs his character or his background as an angsty supervillain I just think it would be cute if he made something out of living darkness for his not-girlfriend.

[jovialtorchlight]

Recess--Flash Fiction

Recess

“Where did you learn Latin?” I asked seventh grader Audie Grant. “Youtube,” Audie replied,

pulling back her hood. “The ritual is complete,” said Sasha Cohen, taking out her phone and snapping a picture of the eldritch monstrosity that was sprawled out on the rock.

“A sacrifice has been made.”

5 minutes earlier. Early afternoon in May. A few small piles of snow, a little chill poking through the air. Finally warm enough to allow the middle schoolers out in the last ten minutes of lunch to throw around a football and do generally feral things on a small, muddy patch of lawn known as the “quad” of Cumberland Hills Middle School.

I had turned my back for less than a minute, and somehow, a group of seven girls took black robes from their bags, slipped them on over their clothes, and gathered in a circle around a rock, chanting. The chants started slow, low, reverent, with the coven rocking back and forth in unison, like some kind of intricate ritual. From where I was, I couldn’t see what was in the center of the circle.

“I mean, I don’t know if there’s a school rule against chanting,” I said, to no one in particular. I was alone. Mrs. Johnston was in the lunchroom with the kids who decided to stay inside and play Minecraft or watch memes of dancing cats on Youtube.

I was a little perturbed. This didn’t seem like a joke; no one was giggling or recording on their phones. If this was a bit, everyone was committed. No one was breaking character.The din of the chanting grew more intense, and more staccato, like a murder of crows swarming on all sides, caws reverberating and echoing in the air.

Dom Hinkley stopped his football pass mid-throw, raised his hands to his ears, and the football fell in front of him like a sack of potatoes. Bradley Leigh, who was running from Spencer Philbrick after stealing his snapback off his head stopped dead in his tracks, dropping the hat in the mud.

Spencer, who was about to punch Brad in the face, stopped mid-swing, like someone pulled his plug out of a cosmic outlet. At once, the field full of kids, as if marionettes on a string, lumbered, synchronized towards the circle where the chanting reached a climax, binding a curse of which I was somehow immune. A terrible secret only understood by the middle schoolers, a whispered, fetid spell reeking of old, forgotten magic.

I sighed. This was going to end in a lot of paperwork. I moved to the circle, weaving in and out of the zombied students. By the time I reached the edge of the circle, I could see over the shoulders of the girls. In the middle, I saw a potato, levitating a foot off the ground, writhing like insects were crawling under the surface of the potato’s skin. Some tremendous energy inside of it was ready to burst out.

“Friends,” I said, barely cutting above the dull roar of the chanting, “let me remind you of our lunchtime expectations. We need to make sure we’re at an acceptable volume.”

Limbs, soggy with the fluid of birth, sprouted from the potato; two swollen arms, stubs, and two knobs of purple, infected flesh sprouted, forming the monstrosity’s feet. A face, flat, locked in a grimace of pain, formed at the top, and began screeching, blubbering, like it was screaming through a mouthful of acid.

At once, the chanting stopped, and the potato creature fell onto the rock. The zombie students seemed to wake up, their consciousnesses once again taking control of their rigid bodies, and they all blinked, confused.

Spencer cut through the sudden silence, shouting, “GIVE ME MY HAT BACK!”

The potato child looked up at the circle of girls , and raised it’s stubby, disgusting arms like a toddler signaling that it wanted to be picked up. Audie Grant, still clad in her hood, bent down and picked it up, cradling it like a child. The child cooed, and spit up a little bit of foul smelling acid on her robe.

“Ew!” Audie screamed, throwing the potato onto the rock. It hit the rock, and with a yelp of pain exploded into chunks of starch and flesh.

“Where did you learn Latin?” I asked Audie.