#and trying to multitask because said adhd says i have to do 2 things at once forever

[fairyblue-alchemist]

i am. fucking sleepy. gods dammit

can an adhd person do THIS *does laundry at 2 am*

[its-short-for-jackalope]

TRANSMISSION 14!!!!!!!!

ohhhhhhh my god.

AHLAAM, SIA, AND DAKKAR FORM A DYNAMIC TRIO???? ONE THAT WE WILL LEAN ON HEAVILY FOR EPISODE 4???? I AM SO EXCITED????

hi I already adore all these characters and I can't wait to get to know them better in just three days (holy shit)

Ahlaam —

Traveler proficient in several magical disciplines

okay so we know there's different kinds of magic, even more than just the Radiance and Ahlaam's sick waterbending. I'm guessing that the Radiance could be the primary magic and the other disciplines are more secondary, maybe?

valuable leader, has more fun than all the other islanders combined, quick to help people smile

I am so glad that Ahlaam is the fun Traveler just like I'd been hoping. It also speaks to Matt's character writing skills because we get like 2 minutes with her in TGOA and that was enough to be like "oh she's a silly one" lol <3

also ayyyyyy confirmation that there are more people on Lincoln Island than just these named characters!

guiding hand, glue that holds Lincoln Island together

....I am suddenly afraid that something could happen to Ahlaam. If she's that important to the island and the Bad Guys know it, then she could be a target to try and make everyone vulnerable and weak.

Dakkar —

serious and intense, unmatched fighting spirit

oh my god I hope he's broody. if he's the opposite to Ahlaam then he's gotta be a tortured, brooding guy, right? please? he can fill the Haunted Soldier Man void AJ left behind!

chiseled by his past & anchored by time, always right here while being somewhere else

hi! 😀 what the fuck does this mean? ❤

fr tho are we going to get more time weirdness beyond just traveling through it??? is Dakkar split between time and/or space?? is that an intentional magic thing, or an invention thing, or a curse of some kind? lab accident? is he conscious of different times/places at the same time? when he's with Rose two weeks in the past, is he ALSO with the others in the present, like some sort of Traveler bridge??? is he even a traveler??? it didn't explicitly say he's a traveler???

his magic is critical to the operation & safety of the island

oh okay, so he could also be in serious danger from the Bads. gotcha. goooootcha. welp, I'm fucked, I'm already attached. Matt Dahan has so many ways to hurt me in three days, lmao. I'm lowkey scared. (Bring it on Mr. Dahan, I will make art as revenge for any and all future heartbreak. 🥰)

fiercely protective of those close to him

...Dakkar, buddy, you're not beating the AJ similarities allegations.

oh god if I wasn't already 99% certain that Morgan won't be in this episode then I would be going crazy over thinking about these two interacting. ...might go crazy over it later, just for fun.

has a knack for science and technology

and if I said Anna is hanging out in his cool traveler lab and that's where she and John reunite— /hj

if Dakkar does technology stuff, could he have created the orreries? I've had a theory that Margaret could have made them (my only evidence is the orrery in her apartment and Kal saying it's fitting that he found her while looking for an orrery) so maybe they had developed them together? idk, just a thought

also, if Ahlaam is the Fun One and Dakkar is the Serious One then I can totally see Sia as the common ground between them—more serious than Ahlaam but more lighthearted than Dakkar. and was Margaret once a part of this group? where does she fit in? OH MY GOD WHAT IF SIA TEAMED UP WITH AHLAAM AND DAKKAR AFTER SHE LOST KAL AND MARGARET???? if Kal was the fun one and Margaret was the serious one....... aough please excuse me while I scream internally for a while.

Captain Addison Arvad —

is on Lincoln Island

how????? Sia didn't know what happened to her, how long has she been here????

enthusiastic, knowledgeable, the kind of person that's used to doing ten things at once

adhd multitasking queen captain, I love her

important part of the story that unfolds for our heroes

ahem....

AS THE #1 ADDISON FAN AND THE FIRST PERSON TO MAKE A POST IN HER TAG,

I, PERSONALLY, WIN.

she has a dog, Top, who works just as hard as anyone else on the island

🥺🥺🥺

okay, maybe Addison didn't see her captain's journal as a Wreck This Journal. maybe Top saw it as a chew toy. maybe her dog tried to eat her captain work.

if anything happens to this dog I swear to god... 😭

Searcher is a type of person with their own set of guidelines and rules

fascinated by this bit. what guidelines and rules are these? are they about morals? about how to use their magic, if they have magic at all? is it about how they engage with the world(s) and the people in it? what are the rules and guidelines for Travelers?

feeling very John Herschel in my living room right now (I have so many questions) and have I mentioned I already adore these characters???

anyway, to conclude this ramble:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!

[foxbirdy]

Help, I'm kinda stupid (bad brain disease and chronic illness shit) and scared but I really am wanting to do field work shit. I'm almost graduated from college but feel like I learned pretty much nothing and don't feel like I'm employable at all. I am highly motivated but I just like, don't know what the future holds!! How do you be a person with a job? How do you do the difficult things you do?

Hello ♥️ before I get into this I must give a disclaimer: I am by no means an expert! I am just some guy. I can share what I've had smacked into me over the course of my adult life, but it's definitely not gospel. Take anything I say about my own lived experience with a grain of salt, because it might not necessarily be true for you! Ok. Disclaimer over, let's get into it:

1 - Anon, you are not stupid. If you almost have a degree, you are killing it! I cannot even tell you how many people I know in field work who hated getting their undergrad with the passion of a thousand suns, and scraped through it by the skin of their teeth! I know lots of people who don't have degrees at all, and have no intention of getting one! Be proud that you almost have your degree.

2 - I do not have my degree! I am still working on it. I have a couple semesters to go. Everything I have done has been in the context of being a student, or someone with some college coursework and some practical experience. My brain is also not designed for the higher education system! The ADHD that makes me miserable in university work (understimulated, unfulfilled, unfocused) is also what makes me thrive in the field (performs best in high-stress environments, prefers novelty to routine, settled by working with my hands and body, excellent multitasker, intense focus on physical project work). Do not equate your ability to be a model college student with your employability.

3 - You already have the chiefest qualification required for fieldwork, which is that you are highly motivated! I've said this before, phrased differently, but the quality that most opportunities are looking for in a candidate is sheer audacity. The willingness to do crazy shit. The belief that you can do anything if you try hard. They need someone who's motivated enough (or unhinged enough) to say things like: "Yes, I will sleep on the ground. Yes, I will eat weird food. Yes, I will hike into work every day, hauling gear. Yes, I will not go crazy if I can't access the internet for weeks at a time. No, I will not turn homicidal if I'm working, eating, and sleeping with the same eight people for months. No, I've never driven a truck and trailer, but I will learn how. No, I don't have that certification, but I will get it. No, I've never used that software, but I will figure it out." If you can a) endure difficulty with enthusiasm, and b) not be phased by unknowns, you are more than halfway there.

4 - Put yourself out there! Drag yourself out of your comfort zone, within reason. Apply to things you think you have no chance of getting! Apply to things that scare you a little! Do research. Figure out what you want to do, and start where you can. Ask for help - it will make you connections! The worst that anyone can say to you is "no," and that isn't so bad. Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes you have to work at a coffee shop for a few months in-between jobs. Sometimes you'll have to wait for weeks to get more information on travel, and sometimes you have to pack your bags and get in your car within 72 hours. Go with the water cycle, move with the ups and downs. Be confident, be adaptable, have audacity, and nail your resume to the door of anything that looks cool. Godspeed and good luck out there!

[celestialsun123]

I drew some TMNT sketches

These are all pictures that are taken at weird angles to avoid shadows getting on the drawings themselves.

Everything's under the read more cause it gets LONG 🥲

This was the first one. It was alright, although looking at it now, I wish I had not done the shadows 😅

I drew Mikey second and DANG this boy gave me trouble! He looks so PRECIOUS, so I forgive him.

This is when I realized that I could use a piece of scrap paper to test my colors. I think Raph turned out GREAT, and this is also when I figured out how to do the block shading (I added it to Donnie and Mikey after)

I did not do Leo next (mostly cause I couldn't find a good pic) so I did this sketch that I HATE because Donnie's face is bad. Like... it's just bad.

Then I finally found a good pic for Leo! His face is so pointy tho, and it REALLY bothers me cause I can't get it to look right for me. Other than that, the only problem was I have to use a highlighter for his mask and sash thingy and it gave me grief. He also looks too buff. Like I couldn't get the right proportions, so he just looks slightly strange. (I end up having this problem with Mikey and Donnie too 🥲)

Next I did 2012 Donnie. I'm not used to drawing 3D, so I did 2D. It was a nightmare and I wish I had used the crossover episode as a reference instead. Overall, Donnie turned out decent.

After Donnie, I did 2012 Raph. I did NOT learn from all my mistakes and I used another reference from a normal episode. I did know what to do differently drawing wise, and Raph looks way better than Donnie. (He does look like he's holding the camera. He isn't)

I was out of the house when I drew 2012 Leo (plus a Rise Leo), so I didn't have access to my colored pencils or normal paper. I really like 2012 Leo, but AGAIN Rise Leo has SUCH a pointy head!

(the text on Rise!Leo's drawing says "Rise Leo being responsible," and then the whole "Donnie, DAD'S on that thing." Quote.)

And then, finally, I made a collage/series thing. I am SO proud of this, although there are parts I despise. Leo's face? Hate it. Kinda made me want to cry drawing that. Mikey's whole self? (Not to mention the fact that I used the wrong color for one of his mask tails?) Hate it. Donnie's whole positioning with Raph? Also hate it. I got real lazy at the end (cause I'd been working on this for 2 days and couldn't find good poses for the other three)

In case my writing is both too small and too messy to read, here's the translations from left to right:

1st pic: on Donnie's right "I love my brother" is repeated all the way down, getting aggressive at the end. This is what Donnie is thinking. Above him the text says "has listened patiently for 1.5 hours and is having a mental breakdown."

Above Leo the text says "has been rambling for 2 hours." On Leo's left he is saying "And that's why when Usagi said to run, I decided to go and SAVE him instead- hey, and- [missing text going behind Leo] ever get- [missing text] cause I'd- [missing text] it and- [missing text] you live- [missing text] -igh? Oh! - [missing text] -ormally- [missing text] -nd you- [missing text] not that- [missing text] so- [missing text] but- [missing text] and I did- [missing text] even TRY! Are you listening to me?"

Additionally, there is text outside the box, above Leo, that says "combined type ADHD (possibly Autism)"

2nd pic: above Mikey the text says "rambled for 3 min, then got insecure and had the AUDACITY to ask if he was being ANNOYING."

The text above Donnie says "wants to kill whoever suggested that, cause there isn't anything in the UNIVERSE that could make Mikey annoying." The text in the thought bubble says "Is murder legal?"

Outside the box, above Mikey, there is text saying "combined type ADHD (possible autism)"

3rd pic: the text above Raph says "rambling 'bout wrestling (it's been 1 hr)"

The text above Donnie says "lovingly listening for the next half hour after this." The text beside him says "multitasking"

Under the text about Raph there is also text saying "inattentive ADHD"

4th pic: The text next to Donnie says "has been talking about tech for and/or science for *5* hours"

The text above the three spikey blobs says "they have zero clue what he's talking about, but they listen anyway"

Outside the box, above Donnie, the text says "Autism"

That's all for now. I haven't made 2012 Mikey yet, just cause 2012 intimidates me because of its 3D nature. I'll get to him eventually! (He and Leo are my favs in 2012)

[copperbadge]

I got my diagnosis back from the ADHD testing. Diagnosis is indeed ADHD, inattentive-mild. Although at this point, that’s one data point in about eight they gave me that I didn't ask for, and it's now the least of my worries.

I'm going to talk about some pretty sudden and heavy shit behind the readmore and probably say some things that people who've had a lot longer to get comfortable with their neurodiversity and/or mental illness than I have, which is roughly an hour at this point, a) shouldn't have to hear and b) may find offensive. But I'm trying my best to dump a bunch of feelings somewhere least harmful and Tumblr is it (ironic). Sorry if I fuck this up. Please don’t feel obliged to read this or to respond, I don’t require response, all you really need to know is “Yep I have ADHD, looking at next steps now, and I’m okay.” 

It is possible that I was subconsciously trying to prove to myself that I don’t need to get a therapist because actually cognitively I’m totally ordinary and can be scientifically diagnosed as neurotypical*. If so, that backfired pretty badly.

* A good grade in being average, something it’s both normal to want and possible to achieve etc etc

It turns out that regardless of a diagnosis of ADHD I have chronic severe anxiety (!! something they didn't even intentionally test for) which is making the mild ADHD diagnosis seem really Not Mild in day to day life.

I genuinely thought they were just gonna tell me I was an average human being imagining things because I’m Extremely Online. Instead they basically said "You have ADHD and are otherwise an off-the-charts intelligent person that probably people like very much and you are never going to believe that about yourself" which, mood. Trope, even. And the stress of managing this contradiction between “very intelligent and reasonably charismatic” and “Does not believe he is either” is really, apparently, fucking me up.

Now even if I don't want to learn new skills for managing any of the issues that I've just found out I have, or work through whatever's making this shit happen, I still have to go to therapy if I want any kind of medication for the actual diagnosis, and apparently I’m so obviously fucked up that no therapist in their right mind would medicate me without making me work for it first (nor should they, I get it, I’m just saying).  

But it means my options are 1. Therapy, with all that entails, or 2. Continuing to handle it myself and hoping it doesn't result in a long slow tailspin where I lose my job and end up homeless. The evaluator also told me I have the impulse to catastrophize...

In any case, I can't tell if this comes across as me being funny or me being emotionally devastated, so to be clear: I am okay. I'm just processing and that usually involves me yelling a bunch. I'm not at this point looking for advice or even validation or reassurance, I do actually know that I have many people who care about me and they care because I'm a good person they love and will love even if I don't turn in work on time.

But I had to assemble my thoughts somehow and also felt like you guys deserved some kind of catharsis-resolution after hearing me talk about the testing, so I'm multitasking. 

Something I'm now diagnosed as being good at doing, actually, that part of the evaluation was very flattering. 

[kagaintheskywithdiamonds]

LUKEWARM BUT ORIGINAL SWORD/SHIELD TAKES

requested by @debonairmalchick

A lot of the most common complaints about SwSh I actually disagree with and/or don’t really care one way or the other, and the complaints that I DO have are things that I haven’t seen anyone else bring up. most of these complaints are nitpicky and therefore do not deserve to be called “hot takes” but apparently at least one person wants to hear them sooo here are my opinions

you can’t turn the vibrations off. I unfortunately became aware of this when I tried to do a lot of max raid battles at night while my parents were asleep. the max raid battles are probably the most vibration-filled parts of the entire game and said vibrations make a considerable amount of noise. I assumed you could turn the vibration off, as that seems to be a standard thing in video games, but I can’t find the option anywhere.

there’s no GTS?? I suppose having the GTS would make the pokedex too easy to fill up but still I didn’t expect that to be cut and it does make it harder to get certain specific pokemon (I’ve been wonder trading trying to get a scorbunny. LOTS of pages in my dex have been filled thanks to wonder trade, and I’ve been getting lots of the other two starters, but still not a single scorbunny. if there was a GTS it would be easy for me to just put up a baby sobble and get a scorbunny in return pretty much instantly)

“wonder trade” is now called “surprise trade” which is basically the same thing except slightly more confusing to use. It took me a couple tries to get the hang of what I was even doing with this. the main difference is that, unlike in ye olde wonder trade where you would sit on a waiting screen until the game found a trade partner for you, here I guess it does all that in the background and returns you to the main game while it finds a match, and then notifies you when the trade has been completed so you can get your new pokemon. IN THEORY this isn’t a bad idea, but in practice....

it normally only takes a few seconds for the trade to be completed, comparable to the waiting screens on old school wonder trade, so normally I just stand still on the overworld until I get the notification that my trade is done.

it seems to stop searching if you’re in a battle, or organizing your PC boxes, or doing stuff in the menus, or... almost anything. If I stand still in the overworld, my trade happens pretty quickly. If I try actually playing the game in the meantime, as I assume is the point of this feature, I find that I’m still waiting even after doing a bunch of battles. it’s as if only the time spent on the overworld counts. so far the only thing I can actually do in-game while wonder trading is hatch eggs, because that means 90% of your time is spent biking back and forth on the overworld. otherwise? I’ll just multitask with something else IRL while I wait for my trades to happen, as I often did with old school wonder trade.

raids are also very confusing to get into. Figuring out how to enter a raid, find new raid bosses, and ESPECIALLY join other people’s raids took me a while to figure out. I’m surprised they didn’t have a full tutorial on how to do raids, since it was such a big selling point of this game. instead the only tutorials seem to be the usual, standard “here’s how to catch a pokemon”-type stuff (which thankfully is skippable)

it’s almost impossible to walk around the wild area while wi-fi is turned on because of how laggy it gets. you can see all the other trainers walking around MMO-style, but... there doesn’t seem to be a reason for it. It’s not like the trainers you see physically walking near you are the ones you do raids with. there’s very little you can do to interact with the other trainers. they don’t seem to exist for any reason except to slow my game down to 2 frames a second. which is why, when I go into the wild area looking for raids, I will keep my wi-fi turned off until I find a raid boss I want to fight, then briefly turn my wi-fi on only to get raid buddies, and then immediately turn my wi-fi off after the raid is finished so that I’m not bogged down by all these other trainers on the overworld

this is also why you can’t wander the wild area while trying to do a wonder trade. if your wi-fi is on, the wild area is practically inhospitable, so it’s not like you can explore the place while you wait to get paired with a trade partner.

no overworld shinies. maybe I’m just spoiled because I played Let’s Go Pikachu before this, but I liked the overworld shinies in that game. it was exciting to run past a shiny pokemon wandering around in the tall grass only to do a double-take and then drop everything just to go after it. XD in SwSh you won’t know if a pokemon is shiny until you go into battle mode.

the fishing rod and pokemon box are listed as key items in the bag and that is also very confusing. the pokemon box basically allows you to access your PC boxes anywhere, which is a really neat feature that I enjoy. buuuuut the way you actually USE the pokemon box is by going to your party, then navigating from there to access the boxes. if you go to the pokemon box in your key items list, the game will just say “you can’t use this from the bag,” which leaves you wondering, “kay so how do I use it then??” the fishing rod is a similar story. it takes up a slot in your bag but you can’t use it from your bag. attempting to do so will give you the same message that your box does. instead, you use the fishing rod by pressing A in front of a fishing spot like you do in SuMo. couple issues with this whole setup:

neither of these things need a spot in the bag at all. it would be like putting the pokedex in your bag. yes, the pokedex, in-universe, is a physical item that your character carries around with them, possibly in their bag. but you don’t need it to be listed in the bag, because that’s not the primary way to access said object.

even if it’s not the PRIMARY way to access it, why list it in the bag at all if you can’t use it from the bag?? the fishing rod didn’t even give me a message like “you can’t use that here” as I struggled to figure out how fishing even worked early on. just “you can’t use that from the bag” which of course begs the question “then what menu DO I use it from?” and the answer is none. and in Let’s Go Pikachu/Eevee the pokemon box was also a thing and was also listed as an item in the bag, but you could actually access it from the bag (in addition to the party menu) so it made sense to put it there. listing it as a spot in the bag when you can’t use it from the bag serves zero purpose. the flavor text doesn’t even give you any instructions on what buttons you press to actually use it. it serves no purpose in being there.

DESPITE ALL MY COMPLAINTS, I am really enjoying the game. this rant only seems long because adhd makes it impossible to say anything without writing a wall of text instead of saying what could be said in like two sentences. also my opinions were specifically requested, lol

[manichoneybee]

Tips for Mentally Ill Students

Preface: I know theres a lot of this kind of stuff around, but I thought I would put out my two cents as someone with ADHD, anxiety, and Bipolar II (so a combo of hypomania and depression that cause things I’ll elaborate on in this). This may or may not help with some chronic illnesses, as I have fibromyalgia which is pretty inseparable from my mental health.

This all comes from my experience as a first year college student, who didn’t fully take this advice all the time, but definitely plan to fully incorporate in my first semester and I’ll update you. Most of this advice I did take though, and I made it on the deans list and got a 4.0 on my jury so I think I did well for myself.

1. Do Things Ahead of Time - Executive dysfunction, depression, pain, etc. is a bitch. It will tell you that you can’t, that you shouldn’t, that it’s impossible to do that thing you need to do. And really sometimes it is impossible for you. I know I found it impossible to do my homework sometimes, and thats not good. However, this is where using your good days to full advantage comes in. On my end of this, I often even use my hypomanic days (which are not fun trust me, but thats not what this post is about) to get shit done. When you have a day where you feel like you can do things, USE IT. Do your homework, clean that corner of your room, plan a month ahead (I literally make bujo spreads a month ahead in order to counteract my depression and busy days), email that professor, get it all done. You will love your past self for it.

2. Spend Time Outside of Your Room - (Bear with me this one is long) Ok, I love to sleep, I am constantly tired. Fibromyalgia is horrible, as is depression. However, sleeping all the time is not conducive to studying, doing homework, practicing oboe, showering (trust me you will not wanna get out of bed just to shower and you will go for days without). In college you have a lot of free time, and that free time could be spent in your room, or it could be utilized to 1) spend time with friends 2) study in the library 3) practice an instrument 4) explore the campus/city 5) draw in cafe. I’ve found that being outside of your room improves your mood, and also allows you to be more focused on your work. Personally, I like to find the most underutilized area of the campus at the time, and studying or drawing there. I even once had a TA tell me to go take a walk and destress rather than take a test, and he just had me take the test the next week (he was the best TA). It’s very good to get out of buildings, especially your dorm. (If I’m honest though I did sleep in the lobby of the music building many times which probably wasn’t good, but I’ll admit this tip didn't always work).

3. Honestly Classical Music Doesn’t Always Work - as a music major who plays the oboe, I’ll be honest, classical music is distracting. I find myself constantly analyzing it and/or just getting bored with it lol. So, to fuel my brain’s need for stimulation while I do homework I put on podcasts or youtube video in the background. I know people will tell you that you can’t multitask, but as someone with both ADHD and exhausting hypomania, I need entertainment. If that means classical music for you, go for it, but I’ve talked to a couple of people and they agree with me - it doesn’t always work.

4. Say No - people will ask you to do a lot of things such as going to a concert, party, tutor them and you don't have to do it. If you don’t want to, if you don’t have the energy, if you just don’t like them, don’t do it. I feel like this is the hardest tip because many of us don’t want to be hated, but what other people think of you doesn’t matter as long they don’t effect your future, such as professors obviously. This is incredibly hard to internalize.

5. 100% Effort All The Time Is Not Possible - we talk a lot about giving what you want to receive. Thats not how it works. You can’t always give 100%, and you won’t always receive 100%. The world isn’t equal. You need to decide how much energy you can serve that day, how much energy you think something deserves, and then apply it. You may receive just as much energy as you put in, you may get less in return, or you may get more. It just depends on what you’re doing. Its not fair to yourself if you treat yourself like a battery powered machine. You're more like a cell phone that needs to recharge and has less and less energy to give the more time you go between recharges.

6. Actually Socializing is Good For You And That Can Include Parties - I know I just said say no to parties, but parties can be refreshing. Obviously I you have social anxiety it might not be, but you don’t always have to go to parties you can just hang with a friend at a cafe. However, what I'm trying to get across is that doing something new is much better than constantly doing homework, working, and just generally being by yourself. If I’m truthful, I love parties, I think they really bring me alive as an introverted extrovert, and they save me from myself. By the way, I'm not advocating for underage drinking here. You don’t have to drink at parties, and if anyone pressures you to, leave. but if you're in a safe environment parties, genuinely are a good thing to save you from self impose solitary confinement.

7. Talk to Your Professors/TAs - this one is self explanatory. Your professors are your greatest resource, and you need to tell them when you are having issues. This doesn’t mean you have to tell them your mental illness. Its genuinely not necessary, unless you really want them to understand the issue (such as e telling my piano TAs about my fibromyalgia that hurt my fingers). You can just ask them for an extension on the occasional piece of work, email them on your bad days and tell them you can not make it to class and ask for a make up date for the test. Most professors are very kind especially if you are in a small class/major. Of course it depends on the class. Personally I’d reserve this for your smaller classes, and use your extra effort on those big classes where accommodation is harder for the professor.

8. Related: Use Your School’s Resources - on that note, your school may have counseling/therapy/psychiatry/etc. that you can use. If it’s free, or you have the insurance, please use it, and if you can, use it regularly. In many cases if you have an official diagnosis, you can get disability accommodation for your mental illness and/or disability and/or chronic illness. This means you'll have an official “excuse” for violating the absence policy (please don’t though, that one is tougher to accomodate), for turning in your homework a day late, for needing power-points to be presented rather than verbal lectures (I have this one for just in case moments, normally professors automatically accommodate this though). This means that if professor don’t let you use your accommodations, they can get in trouble.

9. Have Things That Make You Feel Better Easily Available - sometimes it’s incredibly tough to get out of bed, but you need to. On these days, you need something that can make you feel better without just skipping class. On these days I always have sweatpants or leggings available for comfiness, in the fall I grab my emotional support scarf (not a total joke, that scarf comforts me on my panicky days), sometimes I even use my CBD vape pen (yes, yes I know self vape nation lol get it put of your system). Just having things that make you feel good, in your site, and readily available for use is so important and can really make the difference.

10. Not Every Piece of Homework Needs to be Done - exclusively the only reason I did not get a 3.8-4.0 is because I weighed my options and decided it was better for me to not do certain low weighted hw. Rather than use my spoons doing hw that wasn’t going to ultimately help (I knew the material, if you don’t know the material it’s tougher to use this tip), I used my spoons and energy towards doing the laundry or practicing my oboe for an extra 30 mins. It’s important that you weigh what is more important to you personally. 

I hope these helped! I’m trying to be realistic as possible, and been as candid as possible so if this helped feel free to message me and talk about it because I’d love to hear your story as I’ve shared a bit of mine here.

Also, go ahead and add on to this with your tips!

[heartschoicegames]

Heart’s Choice Author Interview: RoAnna Sylver, “Dawnfall”

Find true love and family with a pirate crew at the ends of the universe, where aliens, ghosts, and portals open the space between worlds...and your heart. You are a Navigator, one who creates and guards portals from one dimension to another, wary of the liminal sea between them.

Your universe is made of two worlds: one contains the magic-infused world of Zephyria, and the other, the dystopian space station Eclipse. The worlds are balanced, until one day, an explosive disaster, a deadly energy storm, and an infamous pirate—the Ghost Queen—upend your life and plunge you into a race to save both worlds.

Dawnfall is a 232,000 word interactive romance novel by RoAnna Sylver,  one of the first set of games releasing with the launch of Heart’s Choice. I sat down with the author, RoAnna Sylver, to talk about writing interactive romance. Heart’s Choice games release December 2nd.

Dawnfall has frankly an insanely wonderful setting for a romance game. Tell me about the aliens, the pirates, the ghosts, and the alien-pirate-ghosts.

Hi there! I’m so glad you think this sounds fun! Yeah, Dawnfall is weird as heck, and that’s one of the things I love about this story. It’s weird in a way I don’t think we’ve seen much of before. I really just tried to put in everything I find fun or interesting, and that I’ve always wanted to write. Dawnfall started out as a total brain-candy project, and runs on pure Rule of Cool. Pirates? Yes. Magic? Yes. A slice of cyberpunk? Hell yes. Eerie ghosts and faerie-tale influences and memory-sharing potions? Giant bird people? The power of rock n’roll? Yes, yes, yes.

And also everybody’s dateable, and in a couple cases, dating each other. We weave a tangled web, but I think it’s a pretty badass and spectacular web.

You seem to really neatly straddle the genre fence here with a romance and sci-fi/fantasy. What was challenging about cramming all of that into one game?

Thank you so much for saying that. I’ve always adored SFF, and there’s so much in this genre-collection, so many extremes and concepts and contrasting colors, that I couldn’t limit myself to picking just one to play with. This weird game-book is kind of a love letter to fantasy and science fiction and haunted house stories and cyberpunk adventures—I thought a lot about the Disney movie Treasure Planet for its genre-blending beauty, and the Bioware game Mass Effect for its array of fascinating, multidimensional alien cuties to interact with and date… and then turned it up to eleven.

I guess you’d expect the challenge to be in making it all fit together/be “believable,” but I kind of threw that out the window. I don’t expect anyone to find it ‘realistic’ (setting-wise anyway; I tried to make every character ring true of course), and I don’t really care if someone thinks it’s silly, or doesn’t take it seriously. It is silly in a lot of ways. DAWNFALL is a giant ridiculous queer space magic pirate adventure, and the only goal is fun. If you have fun, I’ve done my job, and there should be something fun in here for everyone.

Did you have a favorite NPC you enjoyed writing most?

Honestly I love them all so much in different ways, and I know them so well by now it’s really second nature. Their voices come so easily and they’re all so much fun. The Queen’s swagger is awesome though, and her mental voice/mannerisms probably come through especially clearly. I love Zenith’s vulnerable moments when xie lets xir guard down and lets go of the need to entertain or please. I love Averis’s journey and growth from cute wibbly nerd to a confident swashbuckler (who is also still a cute wibbly nerd). I love how deeply Oz feels, how strongly he loves and remembers and honors memory, and how unafraid he is to show softness and warmth. And I love a certain spoilery ghost-babe and how they’re so full of joy at the beauty of life.

I do want to give special mention to Aeon, though. This is a story about connection, and I wanted to show that sibling bonds are every bit as important and strong as romantic or any other. I also wanted to show a complex, multidimensional antagonist figure who holds heartbreaking secrets along with authority, and is genuinely trying to do what she thinks is the best thing, and wants what’s best for you, the PC, even if you might not always agree. Her balance between being so emotionally guarded and determined and unyielding, while hopefully being extremely easy to read and tell what she wants and fears and loves—spoiler: you; she loves you!—was a challenge I hope I pull off.

…Also I enjoy any time Vyranix gets his pompous feathered ass handed to him. I think we all know a Vyranix, or at least of one, and it’s always fun to take them down, even in fantasy.

Who would you be romancing as a player?

I’m gonna say “everyone,” and here it won’t actually be cheating, because you can romance everyone! At once! In varying degrees/relationship dynamics and attractions. You don’t see a lot of polyamory-friendly games or books or anything really, and this is an incredibly important thing for me. The second I got the idea for Dawnfall I knew it had to let players romance anyone they wanted and show polyamory in a realistic, healthy light. I’m also a-spec (asexual and aromantic), and having not just good representation but being actively included and welcomed and celebrated in fiction is so huge too.

Dawnfall is a romance of course, being part of Heart’s Choice, but one of the single most vital elements for me is making it inclusive for aromantic and asexual players and player-characters. Essentially, I wanted to write a romance that didn’t penalize players for not experiencing the attractions the way we’re otherwise expected or required—and I’m so grateful that my amazing editors and community not only accepted but supported everything I was trying to do here. (It’s so refreshing not to have to fight for inclusion and freedom. It shouldn’t be, but it is.)

And that’s where the concept of “Heart-Stars” and “Same-Feathers” came from. I’ve never seen anything honor queerplatonic relationships like I’m trying to do here, and I want everyone, of every sexuality and attraction, to feel like they have a place here and can experience this adventure without limits. And I wanted to show that it’s a very normal thing, hence this being the same for the human characters as well as alien. (One of the nonbinary characters being human is also no mistake. I love me some wild alien genders, but there are tons of awesome nonbinary humans too!)

…That being said, I think I gave Averis most of my anxiety-issues, and would really just like to curl up with Oz and watch The Great British Bake-Off. That sounds like a perfect night in my books.

What were some of the things you found surprising about the game-writing process?

Coding was definitely the biggest learning curve. I’d never coded anything before in my life, and it’s such a new skillset to learn, entirely different from any kind of writing I’ve ever done. Sometimes it felt rewriting my brain, which did not at all do this intuitively—and also sometimes like I bit off much more than I could chew (first game ever being not only a huge piece of interactive fiction, but a polyamorous romance with aro and ace possibilities, and so many more variables than expected!), but it’s been worth it. Entirely. If my writing makes anyone feel seen and accepted and invited to have fun as they are, it’s worth every bit of struggle.

Also, oddly, interactive fiction is in some ways easier for me than writing a plain old book! Probably because I love AUs so much, and every choice in a game is like writing a tiny AU of the story, so I get to do the same scenes several different ways. My ADHD-brain finds something about this extremely satisfying, most likely because it somehow feels more like multitasking! Several stories in one, and if I like two ideas, I don’t have to pick just one to write!

Honestly though, I think the most surprising part is just being done, and…that I could do this at all. It was so huge, and took so long, and I learned so much, and every day I’m just kind of going “who the hell am I?” about doing all of this. I’m proud of it. I did a cool thing. And trying to get better at saying that.

And, what are you working on now?

I always have about 8 active projects going at once (which shouldn’t come as a surprise after last question!), but my next interactive fiction game is with Tales/Fable Labs! It’s shaping up to be a Dawnfall-sized project, but a little faster-moving and action-y.

It’s called Every Beat Belongs To You, and it’s a romantic thriller that feels like Twin Peaks meets Mr. Robot, with a smattering of Repo: The Genetic Opera. A creepy Pacific Northwest town with a secret (and a rash of ritualized murders), a super-slick medical research company whose flagship product is a 100% perfect synthetic heart, a mysterious new-age group, and a sister who went missing just before discovering how it’s all connected. Also five simultaneously-dateable (including ace and aro ships!) cuties of varying genders! Who will you trust with your heart?

I’m very excited about Everybeat, which should be just as queer, polyam, exciting, and weird as all my stuff! Aside from that, I’m working on Stake Sauce Book 2, its companion f/f vampire series Death Masquerade, and Chameleon Moon Book 3. I’m not always working…sometimes there are videogames, and sleep. But I really hope to have a lot more fun things to share soon!

Oh, and depending on how this weird, fun thing goes, I do have some ideas for prequel Dawnfall stories; maybe games, maybe books, but the ideas are there. The world—worlds, really—is so huge, and I’m not done playing in it yet! I also have some character art drawn, and I want to do a lot more of them. It’s another way to show love.

So thank you so much! I really hope Dawnfall is as fun to everyone to read/play as it was for me to write. I can’t wait to share it with you!

[iceeckos12]

multitask au: pay attention

The first time Izuku hears it, he is six years old.

He is sitting in the back of the classroom, right next to the window. It’s been almost a year since his world crashed down around his ears—that is, almost a year since he was declared quirkless. Or, more or less quirkless. An invisible quirk is as good as no quirk at all.

He is looking out the window with distant eyes, tracing shapes in the cloud layers. He’s also paying attention to what the teacher is saying, though it’s math that he already knows because he reads ahead when he gets bored. He’s also writing down notes about the hero fight he watched that morning in his notebook.

All the sudden, the teacher pauses in the middle of her lecture. Confused at the sudden silence, he turns his gaze to the front, trying to discern what’s wrong.

To his surprise, the teacher is staring right at him, her eyes cold and her frown dark and stormy.

“Midoriya-kun.” She says, falsely sweet. Bakugo and his cronies, gathered at the front of the room like vultures waiting for an animal to die, start sniggering. “If you would pay attention in class…”

Izuku blinks at her, confused. “I was paying attention.”

The teacher’s expression goes from stormy to downright smug. “Oh?” She asks. “Then what was the last thing that I said?”

Izuku looks around the classroom, suddenly hyper aware of the other students’ gazes boring into him. He leans back in his seat a little, and hesitantly, obediently parrots, “You were talking about addition...the last one you said was 2+3? The next one is 2+4?”

In the front, Bakugo and his friends suddenly go quiet.

Judging by the surprise on her face, she really wasn’t expecting his answer to be correct. She splutters a little, her cheeks tinging a faint pink, looking as though she’s just about swallowed her tongue.

Then she finds her voice. “Eyes up front during class!”

Izuku can only nod, a tad annoyed at the unnecessary interruption.

-0-

He doesn’t know how much he’ll come to hate the phrase ‘pay attention’. Because he is. Every single damn time, he is paying attention.

-0-

Izuku looks at the first question on the test. He blinks, separates his thoughts, and begins writing an answer with his right hand. Then he goes down at the second question, reads it, and separates his thoughts again so he can answer with his left hand. He used to be terrible at writing with his left hand, but with practice he’s gotten quite good at it.

He finishes the rest of the test like this, scrawling away with both hands at twice the speed of his peers. As a result, he finishes after only fifteen minutes.

Izuku turns the test over, deletes the two new tracks he created, and lays his head on top of his arms so he can nap.

Almost half an hour later, he turns in his test with the other students. He doesn’t see how the teacher is eyeing him suspiciously.

A day later, he receives the test back with a big red 0 on it. Written beneath it is, for cheating.

Confused and a little hurt by the accusation, Izuku approaches the teacher after class. There is nothing friendly about the way the man is sitting, nor the twisted smirk on his face.

“What do you mean for cheating?” He turns his test around to show his teacher, because there must be some mistake. He would never cheat.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” The man says, and something tells Izuku that he’s been holding this in for a long time. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you never pay attention in class, but somehow still get perfect grades? Did you think I wouldn’t notice the way that you always seem distracted by something?”

Izuku is startled at the vitriol in the man’s voice. He stares open-mouthed at his teacher, unable to even attempt to defend himself, because—

His mother told him that teachers were there to help him, would be there if he ever needed them. And sure, they’ve never lifted a finger to stop Bakugo from cornering him on the playground, but this—this baseless accusation—doesn’t feel real.

Seeming to take his silence as admission, the teacher steamrolls forward, triumphant. He’s carried away, Izuku can see that, the glee in the man’s eyes a little terrifying. “If you don’t shape up, who knows what will happen to you. But then again, you’re quirkless. Your future wasn’t too bright in the first place, was it?”

Izuku feels like he’s been slapped.

He staggers away from the teacher’s desk, tears burning hot in the back of his throat—

But runs out the door before they can fall.

He won’t give the man the satisfaction.

-0-

There are a couple more incidents before Inko catches wind. She walks into the school in her soft, knitted sweater and long skirt, small and unassuming. She walks out, and a teacher has been fired. The principal is practically begging for forgiveness, or at least for her not to pursue the lawsuit that she threatened.

But even still, the words linger.

‘Pay attention’, Izuku thinks, and he frowns. The words taste like betrayal in his mind. But I am.

-0-

“Hey, nerd!”

Izuku stiffens at the voice coming from behind him. He considers his options for a moment, before sticking his other earbud into his ear and turning the volume up. Normally he likes to have one ear tuned into the radio and one ear tuned into the real world, but for Bakugo he’ll make an exception.

The shouting behind him increases in volume, and in response Izuku turns up his headphones, hoping that a lack of reaction will make him lose interest. It’s a vain hope.

Bakugo rips out one of his earbuds, and the wire scuttles down his chest. The other boy’s face is twisted with anger, and tiny explosions begin going off in his hands.

“Pay attention when I’m talking to you!” Bakugo snarls, his cronies parroting their agreement behind him.

Izuku knows that Bakugo can’t know how utterly annoying that phrase is to him—pay attention. The words that have been thrown at him again and again, arrows finding their marks with unerring accuracy. But even so, he finds himself snarling, “What do you want, Kacchan?” with unusual temper.

Bakugo looks taken aback by the sudden show of teeth. He recovers his bravado just in time for Izuku to shrink into himself, realizing who he just yelled at.

The bruises and burns that Izuku comes home with that day are especially vicious. But what aches even more is the memory of Kacchan saying, pay attention.

-0-

Izuku learns. Slowly but surely, Izuku learns. When people say ‘pay attention’, they mean that they want his eyes on them at all times. They want him to appear unerringly interested in whatever they have to say, even if there is something far more engaging on another track.

If he does not do this, the school tells his mother that he has a rather extreme case of ADHD. If he does not do this, he is taken to therapists and doctors who poke and prod at him, and recommend pills that he doesn’t need. If he does not act normal then he is treated as though there is something fundamentally wrong with him. Well, more than the whole ‘quirkless’ thing.

(And of course, if one is told something over and over again for the majority of their life, they will come to believe it. Izuku has been told that he is worth less than nothing for his functional status as quirkless. He has also been told that there is something wrong with him because he apparently cannot pay attention. These two things become truths to him.

Unavoidable, undeniable truths.)

-0-

Until.

Izuku is on the beach with All Might. It has been two weeks since the pro told Izuku that he could become a hero. Two weeks since All Might said that he would give Izuku his quirk.

Izuku can hardly believe it. It feels like a dream.

The pro is giving him a lecture on the benefits of including interval training in his running plan. Izuku is giving him as much of his attention as he ever gives anyone—both eyes and one ear, while the other ear is tuned into a radio station that’s currently talking about a hero fight that happened that morning.

He doesn’t want to mess this up. He feels like he’s buzzing out of his own skin, crawling with the intensity of his focus, but he will not give All Might a reason to say, “Pay attention.”

Then, the radio begins talking about a new pro hero. They announce the name, the quirk, and—

Izuku digs his notebook out of his backpack, not taking his gaze from All Might as he rummages around. Even despite his apparent continuing attention, however, All Might’s words slow down a little, become uncertain.

“No, please continue.” Izuku says, flipping open his notebook to a fresh page and beginning to scrawl notes about the new hero. He still hasn’t looked away from All Might. “I’m just writing some stuff down, don’t mind me.”

All Might seems to accept that, because he launches back into his spiel.

Things continue like this for the next couple of weeks. Izuku pays utmost attention to All Might, only occasionally breaking out his notebook to take notes on hero fights that catch his interest on his other track. All Might seems off-put at first, but he quickly gets used to his young charge suddenly removing his notebook from his bag at odd times.

Then comes the day when, before Izuku leaves for a run, All Might says, “Mind if I take a look at your notebook while you’re gone?”

It’s such an innocuous question, Izuku thinks almost nothing of saying, “Go ahead.”

When he gets back, All Might is flipping slowly through the pages, a thoughtful look on his face. He looks up when he hears Izuku approach.

“These are hero fights.” All Might says without prompting.

Izuku wipes his face with his towel, feeling like he’s suddenly stumbled into a trap, but not knowing how or why. “Yeah...that’s where I record information about quirks.”

All Might closes the book with a sharp snap. “You’ve been recording hero fights while I’ve been talking.”

Suddenly wary, Izuku nods slowly. “Um...yes.”

His mentor rubs his chin, before turning his oddly piercing blue gaze to look at Izuku. “At first I was angry, because I thought that you weren’t paying attention when I was talking.”

Izuku feels old anger rise in his chest. “I’m not—”

“I wasn’t finished.” All Might stops him. “Then I realized. Even when you were taking notes you were still responding to me concisely and clearly. There was no evidence that your attention had wavered. And yet these notes,” He taps them, “Are impeccable. So. Tell me, young Midoriya, how is this possible?”

Izuku’s mind goes blank for a second.

Then he says, “H-Huh?”

“Multitasking is impossible.” All Might tells him simply. “And yet you seem to be doing it.”

He says it so casually, like it’s not the bomb it is. Like he didn’t just flip Izuku’s world upside down with a single word. Multitasking is impossible.

Multitasking is impossible.

Except. They live in a world where the impossible is possible. They live in a world where people can defy gravity to fly, where humans can turn into animals and animals can turn into people. This is a world which defies impossible.

What if.

He’s known that he has an invisible quirk all his life. But what if it was the kind of invisible quirk that could easily be explained as an attention deficit disorder? What if it was the kind of quirk that could be written off as not a quirk at all?

What if it was the kind of quirk that made people say pay attention, because it was technically impossible?

“You can’t focus on two things at one time, can you?” Izuku asks suddenly. It’s such a ridiculous question; of course All Might is going to say yes. It’s a skill Izuku’s had all his life, there’s no way it could possibly be a--

All Might is staring blankly at him. “Huh?”

A new track forms, already pulling old memories from his mind and compiling them as evidence. Old moments, innocuous moments, which he never thought meant anything.  “Can you—can you listen to a radio and carry on a conversation with someone without losing focus?”

“Of course not. Multitasking has long been proven impossible.” All Might says again, though not dismissively. He pauses. “And...you can?”

Izuku feels breathlessly excited. He’d never heard that word before—mutitasking—but something about it feels right.

“Listen, All Might. I think...I think there’s something I need to tell you.”

[nxiousxpsistence]

to the kind person who did my medication review

You ask me about my background and found out I was a new immigrant from [redacted] in the UK. I gave you my case history.

You bulldozed two of my diagnoses just like that. I was treated for them for 2.5 years in total and got good results. I didn’t know what to say to you but a few minutes with me won’t give you the whole story - ever!

I had to relieve trauma and wasn’t prepared for it. I had to expose myself to a stranger yet again, but this time in a country which is not my own yet. I had flashbacks. I teared up. I cried. For a few minutes straight.

You asked me “Do you usually tear up like that?”

No, not at all. 

I indicated well upfront that I was not interested in any medication, but I did want to be reassessed for ADHD, as I was still struggling with it. I clearly said “I’m dealing with anxiety and depression through IAPT and I’m happy with that”. You brushed it off. It was “Nah, you ain’t got it!” the moment I mentioned it - you thought so, why not say it?

“If I don’t have it, then what do I have?” would be my question, but you were too busy ripping me off of a test I’m damned sure I’m eligible for.

Credit when credit due - you did say you would note my request in your letter to my GP, yet somehow my cynical mind thinks you’re supposed to do it after a patient’s request. IDK

I left there in tears.

I don’t have ADHD. The correct sentence is “I am a person born and raised in Turkey, all the while suffering from ADHD”.

I learned not to fidget in public when I was 13. People would stare, especially men.

I learned I had to act respectful and sit still for extended periods of time when I was 6. It was OK for everyone else, why not for me? I would spend the last half of any play trying to find something around me to fixate on.

I learned mental wellbeing wasn’t a point of interest, let alone discussion, when I was 15. You were either crazy or normal. Normal didn’t do crazy.

I learned multitasking was great and I was good at what I did merely because I was constantly hyperfocusing on it when I was 36. I deprived myself of sleep and movement for full 2 years and people patted me on the back for my career boost. I hated myself so much that every morning started with a suicidal thought.

I really thought I was genuinely in love with what I sell my time for. Turns out, it was my symptoms enjoying their time being indulged. Exhaustion was and still is a big part of me.

I learned bigger trauma comes first when I was 8. You deal with your father first, your mother second, and your damaged brain third. Otherwise, you may not survive. That was Turkish harsh - trying to deal with my ADHD when I was trying to survive alone in the world would see me probably settling for something I would not wish to. Imagine me with kids???

I learned being afraid of being killed was more important than being afraid of a deliberate existence. I was right in the middle of a therapy when a bomb hit a train station in [redacted]. I forgot what I was working on in therapy. Physical danger without meaning gets you closer to your base.

So how can a physician with no real knowledge of how my plethora of disesaes present see what I have been through, when even people in [redacted] don’t talk to one another what they have gone through individually? I mean not talking about mental wellbeing is one thing, not talking about what has just happened right in front of our eyes is another.

How can you name the feelings you have unless those feelings are named collectively? Like our own saudade? The feeling when your ADHD brain wakes up to a busy day at your unbelievably public office, when you catch your country sneaking out to end democracy in effect, yet not on paper, in the aftermath of a series of bombings that happened quite close to you or in cities where your friends and family live, while everyone around you still assumes that the country is a democracy and believes things will be alright if we just follow [redacted] in our thoughts, doing absolutely nothing.

The feeling when your mother insists on holding on to her internalised racism & homophobia after how many times you tell her how much it hurts.

So how can a physician with no real knowledge of how I have dealt with a ball of emotions undiscernable from one another tell me “Oh, why are you stressed? You have it all” - meaning a home, a partner, and some money? 

Why do people in general assume that they know what everyone cherishes most?

So, I didn’t enjoy my medication review. I now see how the system is structured just so that our experiences get lost in the communication until they match the experience they have here. So I will be nobody other than in my close quarters just so that I can survive these three years, after which my experiences will have been shaped by whatever I’ve gone through. OK. NP.

[bones-unreliable]

I copied the questions because scrolling was getting annoying, I hope you don’t mind

1. Are you a fast talking hyperactive or a pacing hyperactive?

Fast talking, watch out Eminem

2. Are you a doodling daydreamer or a window gazing daydreamer?

Window gazing

3. Do you like hand stims, foot stims, or mouth stims the most?

Since I recently learned singing constantly is considered a stim, probably mouth. I’ve never not made noises or talked

4. Are you a planner person or a phone reminder person?

Planner, there’s too many Things on my phone

5. Do you hyperfocus on productive things or irrelevant things?

God I wish it was productive things more, but depends on the day

6. Are you a multitasking ADHDer or an overwhelmed ADHDer?

Also depends on the day, but recently, overwhelmed

7. 504 or IEP?

I would like to thank the fact that I’m gifted that I’m not allowed to get either! Can’t even add shit to my GIEP

8. Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed?

Diagnosed

9. Are you a 5000 tabs person or blank tab trying to remember why person?

“Why did I open this tab?” Exits out. “Oh yeah!” Opens back up… “what was the third word of that sentence I just remembered…”

10. Are you a self-hate when rejected or extreme rage when rejected kind of person?

Oh I had to think here. Self-hate I think.

11. Are your family do yoga people, eat clean people, or put down the phone people?

It’s really just Mother Dear and maybe a bit of my one sister but I think “put down your phone and exercise if you have too much energy 🙃”

12. Which were you called the most in school: lazy or irresponsible?

Irresponsible! Fair, I didn’t do the thing I said I would, but hey!

13. Comorbid conditions?

Not diagnosed but symptoms of anxiety/depression let’s gooooo

14. Which have you been told more often: meds are cheating or meds are street drugs?

Meds are cheating😡

Like, thanks, I guess I just won’t take it and won’t focus..

15. Not social to mask symptoms or overcompensating to mask symptoms?

If they’re a new friend/I’m not 100% comfortable, I overcompensate, otherwise I’ll just be in the corner feeling very sad

16. Reading hyperfocus or reading impossible?

Impossible. Damn near illiterate. I read 1 book a year and it’s all in one night.

17. Do you parents believe it exists?

Mother Dear likes to say she also has ADHD therefore what I’m experiencing must be the same as hers, so I can handle it! …………. :(

18. Diagnosed late or early?

Relatively late, at least I think. I’m a junior in high school

19. Ever wonder how much of you is your personality and how much is ADHD?

Ahaha well now I do!

Here’s the fun thing; thinking about ADHD and getting diagnosed and seeing all the symptoms and everything about me, looking at my entire life since I was very young and realizing that it’s been like this forever, is something I went through very very fast. In January or like December 2019, about a year ago, I kept seeing ADHD related posts and tik toks and kept identifying with them, which was very surreal because “there’s no way, I would have known by now, I’m making up problems for attention.” I brought it up to my therapist, she wasn’t fully convinced, but as I kept explaining things I didn’t realize I did/identified with, she suggested a diagnosis. In September, I got an official diagnosis. I know that’s like a span of 9 months, but having gone my entire life not thinking about it then suddenly being diagnosed was a very big change in my perspective. The psychiatrist suggested medicine, so I’ve been on different things for a few months now. It’s still such a strange and fast change for what I thought was normal, but I think with time I’ll just kind of learn how to cope and get a handle on it.

Anyways, I always feel afraid to tell people, the ones that I know or not, that I have ADHD, like I both think “oh man I can’t prove it, they’re gonna think I’m lying for attention,” and then I show symptoms and think “they’re gonna think I’m annoying, I feel ashamed.” I’ve been told a lot “no one needs to know that, you don’t need to go around telling everyone” so I think I can’t tell anyone.

Alright enough complaining let’s go find a place to commit arson!

ADHD ASK GAME

I love those ask games so I made one for us ADHDers.

1. Are you a fast talking hyperactive or a pacing hyperactive?

2. Are you a doodling daydreamer or a window gazing daydreamer?

3. Do you like hand stims, foot stims, or mouth stims the most?

4. Are you a planner person or a phone reminder person?

5. Do you hyperfocus on productive things or irrelevant things?

6. Are you a multitasking ADHDer or an overhwhelmed ADHDer?

7. 504 or IEP?

8. Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed?

9. Are you a 5000 tabs person or blank tab trying to remember why person?

10. Are you a self-hate when rejected or extreme rage when rejected kind of person?

11. Are your family do yoga people, eat clean people, or put down the phone people?

12. Which were you called the most in school: lazy or irresponsible?

13. High stim or Low stim seeker?

14. Comorbid conditions?

15. Which have you been told more often: meds are cheating or meds are street drugs?

16. Not social to mask symptoms or overcompensating to mask symptoms?

17. Reading hyperfocus or reading impossible?

18. Do you parents believe it exists?

19. Diagnosed late or early?

20. Ever wonder how much of you is your personality and how much is ADHD?

[santacoppelia]

ADHD Ask Game

Found this in @the-adhd-society and thought it would be interesting to answer in order to avoid going to bed in time :P

1. Are you a fast talking hyperactive or a pacing hyperactive? Fast talking. Crazy fast. The kind of fast talker that people would bet on just to check if she was the fastest talking person they’ve ever met. If you sit me with another fast talker, we will probably have a great time, and everyone around us will have a great headache.

2. Are you a doodling daydreamer or a window gazing daydreamer? Window gazer. I doodle sometimes, but I love staring nowhere, thinking everything/nothing.

3. Do you like hand stims, foot stims, or mouth stims the most? Mouth stims (I usually chew the insides of my cheeks, and chewed a lot of gum and my pencils when I was little) and hand stims (I’ve used rings since I was 7, for example… and I tend to crack my knuckles a lot, or click my pen). Foot stims are the final indicator that I’m restless or tired.

4. Are you a planner person or a phone reminder person? Crazy Planner Lady, even when my planner is mostly in my phone’s calendar… But “reminders” in the phone do nothing for me, I need alarms and looking at my Calendar in order to know which days and hours are already “taken” is really useful.

5. Do you hyperfocus on productive things or irrelevant things? Usually, on irrelevant things. But I use procrastination as a tool to push my time limits, so stress projects my hyperfocus to productive things!! (the mos tiring mechanism ever… but it works). I also hyperfocus in teaching, so it is a great thing. There is nothing more important than my students and our discussions when we are rambling about things.

6. Are you a multitasking ADHDer or an overhwhelmed ADHDer? The kind of ADHD that tries to multitask so much that overwhelms herself. I’m working on that and self compassion, a lot!

7. 504 or IEP? Don’t understand this, sorry.

8. Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed? “Self” diagnosed. I received the first hint from a doctor, 8 years ago. She was seeing me weekly during a treatment and casually said that it must have been difficult for my mom, raising two ADHD kids… I had the idea there, but started doing serious research on the matter just a couple of years ago and finally accepted that many of my dynamics can be easily explained through this. I’ve also discussed the idea with my actual psychologist, who says she doesn’t get any “ADHD vibe” from me… but she is not specialized in the question :/

9. Are you a 5000 tabs person or blank tab trying to remember why person? 5000 tabs. I can try to open an extra one… If anything distracts me… Poof! 

10. Are you a self-hate when rejected or extreme rage when rejected kind of person? Self-hate. That’s why I have a psychologist, mostly.

11. Are your family do yoga people, eat clean people, or put down the phone people? Put down the phone people, but as I was a pre-smartphone kid, they were “put down that book/stop using that computer/please go to sleep” people. I’m a “do yoga” person :)

12. Which were you called the most in school: lazy or irresponsible? Lazy. I got that a lot! My mom used to sit down with my bro and me the whole afternoon, trying to get us to finish our homework. I could usually stay up until really late finishing everything… I feel that I really should have hated school more, but I was too busy overcompensating :P

13. High stim or Low stim seeker? Low stim seeker. I’m hypersensitive to noise, to some scents (I love perfumes, but they can easily give me headaches), to food textures and clothing textures… If I’m stressed or tired, traveling in public transport can be absolutely draining (I wear earphones a lot because of this). When I was a kid, I usually pretended to be asleep just to zone out.

14. Comorbid conditions? a tendency to depression, anxiety, sensory processing disorders (not serious, but notorious enough to make me “quirky”).

15. Which have you been told more often: meds are cheating or meds are street drugs? Meds are cheating.

16. Not social to mask symptoms or overcompensating to mask symptoms? Overcompensating!! I had a younger brother, with ALL by-the-book signs of ADHD (restless, poor focus in school, class clown, constantly moving, bad emotional control…) so me, being the older sister, had to “provide the good example”… and being a girl, I had to “be a lady”. That’s why many people wouldn’t “read” me as ADHD, or would even think that I’m really “neat” and “organized”. Hello, years of therapy!!!!

17. Reading hyperfocus or reading impossible? Reading hyperfocus!!!! It is my superpower. It was also the main tool my mom got to get a grip on me when I was a child (everything I read is so vivid, so real in my head)… And I used that to mask so many things: overwhelming, overstimulation, boredom��� My only frontier are HUGE books. I’ll probably never read “In Search of Lost Time” or “Peace and War”, due to my fear of “hyperfocusing craze”. I’ve had this kind of problem while reading long books —I seem to obsess with them and cannot connect with reality after I pause them in order to go living real life, and I can stop sleeping to finish reading. I’ve had times when reading is impossible, and found some books really hard to start (Julio Cortazar’s “Hopscotch” and Tolkien’s “Lord of The Rings” were books that I had to start 5 or 6 times in order to read them) but usually I read a lot, fast and with deep understanding thanks to hyperfocusing. As a former boss said once: “you’re a monster reading!”

18. Do you parents believe it exists? No. My mom is a psychologist. She specializes in children development (well, in her defense, she practically finished her career and became a full-time housewife). She had two ADHD children, both undiagnosed. I believe that it’s because here in my country ADHD wasn’t a thing 35 years ago, when my brother and me were children. 

19. Diagnosed late or early? I’m 38, so really late.

20. Ever wonder how much of you is your personality and how much is ADHD? This one is fun. As I got a late “diagnostic”, many of the things I saw as character flaws in my personality have become bearable thanks to knowing about ADHD. I’ve come to terms with those sides, because ADHD has forged some sides of my personality that I really value.