#and transmasc ppl should feel allowed to like having one/not care.

[dragontatoes]

it's fine for anyone to love having a vagina, it's fine for anyone to not want to have a vagina, it's fine to have genitals that can't be neatly defined as a vagina or not a vagina, it's fine to feel nothing about your genitals, it's fine for your feelings to change all the time, it's fine for your body to change, it's fine to get surgery and it's fine to not get surgery

people should get to do what they want/need to with their own body without it being a grand statement on their identity

[genderqueerdykes]

heya

i can't sleep because my sexuality in relationship to my gender has been bothering me.

im transmasc, but genderfluid. not just boy/girl genderfluidity, it's all over the place. and i feel like i identify with being a gay man sometimes, and i also go through periods of feeling like a masculine lesbian.

i know how controversial this is and it breaks my heart because i can't figure out what to do. i know my identity should be for me, but i don't want to make people uncomfortable if i come off as a boy who's a lesbian sometimes.

also i feel intense imposter syndrome over this when i switch around. but it undeniably makes me feel like myself when i say I'm a transmasc genderfluid bi lesbian, which makes me feel good of course. i just wish i could stop feeling bad about it

is any of this normal and is there any other genderfluid ppl with complicated relationships to their sexuality? i feel alone here i guess

love your blog btw makes me happy and validated when i read what you and your followers have to say to people 💖

hello! thanks for stopping by!

i think it can be very easy to work ourselves up and over think things when it comes to how people will receive us in queer spaces- online queer spaces have been needlessly hostile over the past few years, mostly due to the relative anonymity and virtually zero consequences for being harmful and rude. it's okay to get scared sometimes

it may seem 'contradictory' or 'controversial' but it isn't that uncommon to go from identifying as a gay man to identifying as a masculine lesbian! genderfluidity means your genders can be. whatever. there's no set rules, and it's okay if your attraction changes when your gender does. mine does, as well. abrosexual and abroromantic may suit you

you don't have to pass any tests or anything like that to be successfully seen as genderfluid, it's okay if you change to be whatever, whenever. i always identify as a butch lesbian & a femme gay bear, all the time, no matter how I feel or who is fronting in my system. while some cishets may not get it, most queer people i explain this to say "oh yeah, i totally caught that vibe"

it can be scary to have "Strange" identities, but the meaning of "queer" is literally "weird" and having a weird identity falls right in line with the community. you're allowed to be a transmasculine lesbian, and you are even allowed to be a male/boy lesbian- there is no actual cosmic rule stating that lesbians cannot be men, partially men, or be genderfluid and be men sometimes

regardless of how others perceive you, you know who you are. you are the arbiter of your lived experience, and while someone misinterpreting you can be painful and inconvenient, it shouldn't define your experience. if people don't understand, keep going til you find the ones who do, and the ones who try to. even if people don't "Get" your gender, there are a lot of folks who will respect it, anyways, and you deserve that

hope that helps and makes sense. take care of yourself, good luck out there. there are no rules when it comes to be genderfluid. genderfluid people are encouraged to fuck with gender, rules, roles, presentation, etc. and it's only natural that a genderfluid person will have identities that "conflict" when approached through a non-queer lens. identities don't have to "make sense", they are mostly comprised of feelings !

good luck out there! feel free to stop by again

[genderkoolaid]

Honestly, I was not expecting that kind of a response, thank you. And yeah, I guess I am just kinda hurting, when I was a small little trans boy in a small little Christian town, online trans spaces were the only place I could go and so many of them were filled with transfems putting down transmascs. And I guess it’s just kinda like, after you see enough of that shit you just kinda give up on having an ally in that group. Because yeah one or two isn’t bad, but when it’s constant like it is in a lot of Reddit/twitter spaces which was where my trans ass was, seeing people saying we should all just band together and forget our differences, idk, it just kinda hits me as naive. Obviously this isn’t to put down transfems, no group is a monolith, there’s just a very vocal minority of transfems who I had my first experiences with and it was like, okay, what the fuck am I trying to do allying with these ppl. Idk, it still seems a little bit fantastical to all band together. Plus pretty much (especially white) transfem I’ve met believes they are in some way more oppressed for being trans even if they acknowledge trans men “kinda face oppression too”, idk, it just seems like lumping us all together is like putting us in a get along tshirt and not realizing that some ppl don’t want to be around ppl who have historically hurt them a lot. Idk.

It makes sense that when you hear transunity your first thought is of the people who have hurt you the most, and that must have been traumatizing. The online community in general tends to emphasize the most divisive opinions & also tends to be dominated by the more privileged and sheltered people in the community, which is why many people find that people they meet in physical spaces tend to have much more diverse and open opinions. When that's the dominant way you experience the community, it definitely leaves you feeling like community is doomed to fail. This (both intra-community violence in general and transandrophobia specifically) has been allowed to fester in trans spaces for far too long. I get how while you logically know its a small minority your view of trans solidarity has been stained by that & that can be really hard to change, especially when that kind of thing is still a problem in the community.

If you want my opinion: taking care of your own mental health, especially as it relates to gender, and exposing yourself to transfems & other trans people who are openly supportive of transmasc activism, is vital. Running this blog I've found a lot of transfems who support the conversation around transandrophobia, including people who are extremely supportive and vocal about it. When you see people like that more and more, you start to focus on the ways we can help each other more than the ways we harm each other. I see other trans people talking about transandrophobia and transunity and it affirms to me how they are people who take this seriously and want to build a safer community for everyone. cipheramnesia is a pretty big transfem blogger who's been vocally supportive of transmasc activism discussing transandrophobia, and the reason I got into this discussion in the first place was through seeing a trans woman talk about it and insist that it wasn't inherently transmisogynistic and that transmascs do deserve to be heard about the details of our oppression. I may have never made this blog at all if it weren't for transfems being vocal allies of transmasc activism.

I've also seen a lot of trans people with awful, divisive, and bigoted takes; I know those come from people who are also hurting, who are lashing out at people they have biases against because it lets them feel some kind of control and release. Its tempting to step back and leave the whole thing behind- and if that's what you need to do for your mental health and safety, that is your right. But to me, the hardest and most important thing about activism is acknowledging how real change has to come from opening up and making connections and risking pain and rejection for the sake of transformation.

Transunity is, fundamentally, about taking that risk because we know its the only way we can unwork the thing that keeps all of us oppressed, the only thing that truly and consistently benefits from the infighting. Transunity is a direct response to the behavior you describe, created by trans people from multiple different groups. Its still very, very young as a movement but the more it grows, hopefully, the more people who will be vocal about the issues in our community and how open discussion and active solidarity are vital to our liberation. There may always be discourse and assholes lashing out, but there will also always be people putting in the work and showing compassion, so those people will find each other and work for the betterment of everyone, including those trying to tear each other apart.

Like I said, its also important to take care of your mental health. Alienation from your community is traumatizing (as plenty of aspec people can tell you), and that leaves you with defense mechanisms meant to keep you safe that can be hard to get rid of. I think transmasc-focused spaces can be really, really helpful in healing that kind of trauma and help you feel much more stable and supported in your transness & as a person, which in turn makes you more willing to take that risk and open up for a chance at solidarity and community. A lot of times, you need to take care of yourself and get in a good place before you can really engage in community activism, so I don't blame you at all for being wary of transunity when you are obviously still hurting. Healing is fucked up and messy and its alright to have complex emotions about people and things while you are dealing with that pain. Like I said, at the end of the day I wish you the best, and I hope you find yourself a community that supports you like you deserve.

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

He's Filipino & has this beautiful black hair that turns amber in the sun & like most Filipino ppl I know he has these cute little silver hairs.

He's good at things & I'm just not for most things.

Like for example he likes some of the same songs I do but he also just has a bigger repertoire, or he has this death of a bachelor range. Oh I love his voice. If he took vocal lessons he could be really good.

I am looking at him right now but I just...

He has this crazy work ethic too & I feel so lazy. I am actually.

I haven't picked up shifts since one day in June lol

He worked 60+ hour weeks back to back not including travel time. He worked there hospitality jobs while studying. I... I find it hard to reconcile my envy with my commie side. I don't think you should HAVE to do that, but to be able to? To do that & handle it for years? I could barely hold a full time job, heck barely hold my part time job.

Apparently a lot of people in his country do that. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would never be able to work at his fancy table d'hôte song pairing experience & live with him & raise a family. & have hobbies.

He's active & he climbs & I miss climbing. I used to climb as a kid but he actually actively climbs & he's so good at it & I ask myself how he could ever like me if I'm not at his level in anything. I want to be equals, yk? At the same time it's nice to have someone above you. It's nice to be taken care of

He has these little ways of talking & part of it is probably the overseas but he's just so attractive.

I wish I wasn't so bad at life. Allow me to rephrase: There are some parts of life at which I am disabled. That is a more neutral statement.

That's another problem, he wants to date because he wants to see how the person is & if he wants to be with them long term & get married. Kind of, so do I.

I want to but I also don't, & flings sometimes make friendships awkward.

Most people I've been into have been trans (before or after I crush on them), & that's another weird thing with my friend, he's not trans.

He almost dated his celebrity crush once lol, & his editor before he/they came out as transmasc. If he is not interested in that trans man, he would never be interested in me.

Last night I kept rolling into him in my sleeping bag. It was a little bit on purpose that I got closer, but then it was mostly an accident the rest of the times I rolled into him. We are staying with my cousins rn & they only have one spare bed & suggested we share. If I wasn't still mostly a girl I would have loved to share a bed with him. In fact I still wanted to, but it was a good idea to say no. Ugh I'm still a little bit in love. I've managed to get rid of some of this hopeless love

Me to Google: I think my new hyperfixation isn't a new tv show or book, but A Literal Person

My phone: *notification pops up* Get Help

[femmedionysus]

sorry if this is super weird pls feel free to delete this if you want but i just wanted to say as a bi/pan (w/e idk what term ppl use at this point for me) wlw it meant a lot to hear someone who’s a lesbian say i am in fact allowed to call myself butch. i’ve always had more in common with butch lesbians than anything else to the point where when i wrote a coming out post about also being transmasc (gender’s complicated i won’t get deep in it here) one older butch lesbian i knew commented like “oh yeah!!! i feel the same way!!!”

but then like i go online and my peers are like. “if you’re not a lesbian and you call yourself butch i don’t trust you” and just a lot of really,,, painful shit. it just always felt like i wasn’t allowed to be openly myself even among people i called friends bc i wasn’t queer Enough, somehow.

and yeah idk i’m sorry i know this is a lot over just a really really small comment you added to a short reblog but it really meant a lot to read so thank you, sorry to bother you, i’ll be on my way now kfnfkff take care!!

oh, hey, no bother at all & in fact I’m really glad you took the time to tell me this!! I hope you know this but just in case: bi butches are no less butch than butch lesbians, being butch is about so much more than just if you’re Only Ever 100% Attracted To Women Only. (& same for bi femmes!)

I’m so sorry that you’ve heard that kind of nastiness from people you call friends. biphobia is ugly & I hope you find people who love & support you, I promise most lesbians (at least, the ones who are worth spending any time with) are not biphobic & will recognize that bi butches & femmes are our siblings & should be cherished!! (also, about the gender stuff: that’s also super common, & I’m glad there was an older butch who validated that for you!)

I recommend this to basically everyone on this topic but if you haven’t yet, check the content warnings first but absolutely read stone butch blues. there have always been butches & femmes who are bi, & lesbians, & transmascs, & transfems. the diversity is part of what makes those identities so meaningful.

thanks so much for stopping by to tell me this 🥺 I hope you have a wonderful day, & I am sending you a kiss on the cheek!

[quixoticrobotic]

funfact im actually super fucking insecure about the fact that im a lesbian and will always be haunted by one person guilting me for not liking men because thats harmful to trans men and like im just tired after growing up being told that i have to be attracted to boys and i should shape my life around making them happy and the idea that i could just. not care. that i was allowed to only like girls that i could admit how i felt to myself i was so proud! and now i feel shame when im attracted to my on girlfriend bc only filthy monsters think about girls that way and im a disgusting predatory abuser and i always see post that are like “FINALLY A SUPPORTIVE POST FOR GUYS THAT ARE DUDES” and i feel so fucking selfish because i really honestly need encouragement abt wlw stuff but i dont wanna talk over transmasc ppl and i know its just a method a shitty person used to make me feel smaller and less powerful but. its working. its working and i wanna be proud of who i am, not repulsed but i. cant. i feel like i have to stay silent. i want encouragement and support so bad but asking for it feels greedy im wrong im sorry

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

He's Filipino & has this beautiful black hair that turns amber in the sun & like most Filipino ppl I know he has these cute little silver hairs.

He's good at things & I'm just not for most things.

Like for example he likes some of the same songs I do but he also just has a bigger repertoire, or he has this death of a bachelor range. Oh I love his voice. If he took vocal lessons he could be really good.

I am looking at him right now but I just...

He has this crazy work ethic too & I feel so lazy. I am actually.

I haven't picked up shifts since one day in June lol

He worked 60+ hour weeks back to back not including travel time. He worked three hospitality jobs while studying. I... I find it hard to reconcile my envy with my commie side. I don't think you should HAVE to do that, but to be able to? To do that & handle it for years? I could barely hold a full time job, heck barely hold my part time job.

Apparently a lot of people in his country do that. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would never be able to work at his fancy table d'hôte song pairing experience & live with him & raise a family. & have hobbies.

He's active & he climbs & I miss climbing. I used to climb as a kid but he actually actively climbs & he's so good at it & I ask myself how he could ever like me if I'm not at his level in anything. I want to be equals, yk? At the same time it's nice to have someone above you. It's nice to be taken care of

He has these little ways of talking & part of it is probably the overseas but he's just so attractive.

I wish I wasn't so bad at life. Allow me to rephrase: There are some parts of life at which I am disabled. That is a more neutral statement.

That's another problem, he wants to date because he wants to see how the person is & if he wants to be with them long term & get married. Kind of, so do I.

I want to but I also don't, & flings sometimes make friendships awkward.

Most people I've been into have been trans (before or after I crush on them), & that's another weird thing with my friend, he's not trans.

He almost dated his celebrity crush once lol, & his editor before he/they came out as transmasc. If he is not interested in that trans man, he would never be interested in me.

Last night I kept rolling into him in my sleeping bag. It was a little bit on purpose that I got closer, but then it was mostly an accident the rest of the times I rolled into him. We are staying with my cousins rn & they only have one spare bed & suggested we share. If I wasn't still mostly a girl I would have loved to share a bed with him. In fact I still wanted to, but it was a good idea to say no. Ugh I'm still a little bit in love. I've managed to get rid of some of this hopeless love

Me to Google: I think my new hyperfixation isn't a new tv show or book, but A Literal Person

My phone: *notification pops up* Get Help