#and to hold myself to it. etc.
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We are so close lads. Okay I know this is only halfway BUT I finally finished all the hard scenes (including the last one, which ended up being 2x as long as my usual ~1k scenes) 🙏 Now I just have to do homework :’) but if I end up with extra time tonight, I might actually finish within the next two days or so
#chalcy stuff#as usual I am only posting this for self-motivation 💪#and to hold myself to it. etc.#the first number is the actual word count#the other ~1k is just personal notes and snippets for future scenes/chapters hehe#4k-ish words is NOT that many yes to affirm#also realizing I might actually have too many scenes planned for this chapter#hmm#maybe it will be closer to 12-15k words uh oh
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WIP!!! Stealing glances amidst victory celebrations in Suna….
#narugaa#naruto uzumaki#gaara of the sand#Naruto#fanart#other fandoms#other fandoms: naruto#GUYSSSS this one is gonna take a while so I’m letting myself post this much of it now#much of it needs to be cleaned up lol…..#thanks to Jane who let me screen share as I drew and helped me every time I went:#“does this expression convey that they’ve been looking at each other the whole night and this is the first glance they catch each other#and are now blushy because Naruto suddenly realises this look in gaara’s eye is Different and he’s the only one that recognises the nuance#as something perhaps intimate. perhaps erotic. perhaps suggestive that they should get up and leave soon#anyway I’m working on it ok….#trying to expound on the visual culture of Suna a little by making like… a shisha lounge#grew up on shisha (my lungs are recovering these days now that I’ve quit smoking completely) but I hold it near my heart#also I changed Naruto’s hair. they’re wearing the ‘The Last’ outfits but I just couldn’t do short hair Naruto I’m sorry#his fluffy spikey blond hair appeals to me so much I’m sorry I refuse to cut it short#also it’s like vaguely mussed and messy here to imply some things about how much he’s had to drink LOL#Gaara has a few strands out of place but that’s it#kazekage duties etc etc#anyway#OK ANYWAY
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labour of love; nsfw
pairing; nanami kento x reader summary; something is on your husband's mind — nothing that can't be solved with a morning in bed, you're sure. wc; 4.6k cw; smut, largely vanilla, nanami kento is a loving husband etc
You’ve long since grown used to the press of knees against the mattress rousing you from your sleep. The gentle dip of the bed, the steady — if not stilted — breathing, the sudden waft of his cologne as he tries to settle himself beside you without waking you. It doesn’t work most nights, but Kento still tries.
He smells like the cleanliness of shower gel and the spicy goodness of his favourite fragrance, all nutmeg and saffron and warmth. It’s enough to have you rolling over to face him, half-lidded and half-asleep, hooking your leg over his waist and burying your nose into his neck. There’s a rough puff of air as he realises he’s failed to be stealthy — not for the first time, either. But he pulls you closer anyways, hands smoothing up your back as if to memorise the curve of your spine, or to cajole you back to dreamland.
If there was a way to become one with him you would’ve figured it out by now. Some days, in this bed, it feels like you’re close enough to discovery. Perhaps if you press every possible inch of yourself against him, share the same air, let your minds float away to the same place, it'll happen. Alas, you wake as two separate people, forced to peel yourselves apart when the sun rises and he's off to work. It’s always accompanied by disappointment, but for now you revel in the feeling of his firmness beneath you, and the beat of his pulse in your ears.
“Sorry for waking you up.”
He always says it, and you never mind, but you reply anyway. “It’s okay. I like seeing you.”
Kento’s arms tighten around you, and he says nothing back. The shaky breath muffled against your hair is enough to tell you how his day went, but you won’t ask him about it. Not yet, not when it’s still fresh in his mind. It’s enough of a blessing that he was able to return home at all tonight, instead of sleeping at his desk with only his jacket to fend off the cold. Still, even a good night’s sleep won’t solve everything. You can deal with it tomorrow.
“Did you eat?” You mumble, trying to ignore the seductive hands of sleep pulling at your brain. “I left… hamburger steak. In the fridge.”
“Mm.” His lips brush your hair, and you feel yourself slipping away, further and further into dreamland. “Don’t worry, darling. Just sleep.”
“O…kay… Sweet dreams… Kento…”
You always sleep best when you’re with Kento. You know this because, without fail, you end up drooling all over him like a dog. It's something that never happens when you’re bundled up alone, but it’s as if every muscle in your body relaxes something fierce when you’re with him. It’s embarrassing, and gross, but somehow he never minds. Just chuckles and watches you fuss over wiping it all away, teasing you about how deep you must’ve been sleeping. This morning is no different.
You’d woken with the sun. The curtains you’d forgotten to close shed honeyed sunlight across every fold of your blankets, every inch of skin, every tiny piece of dust floating in the still of the air. Hair tousled and mouth dry, you were so warm it almost made you fall right back asleep. Any part of you not covered in a blanket was wrapped, in some way, in Kento’s arms. The perfect morning. No longing looks as he rose to go to work; no cold side of the bed if he’d stayed in the office. Just perfection and warmth and… a drool stain on his arm.
Whether your cheeks are now warmed by the sun or a persisting feeling of embarrassment, you cannot say, but his hands are even warmer where they cup your face. You attempt to ignore him, scrubbing at his skin. “I need to tape my mouth shut.”
His thumb begins to smooth back and forth. If you were a cat you’d be purring. “Dramatic.”
A glare that’s far too soft. You push away the corner of the duvet you’d haphazardly chosen as your rag, cursing yourself for your weakness as you abandon your task and instead lean into him. “Oh, and I suppose you enjoy waking up every morning with a sticky bicep, Kento?”
“Mm.” The way he urges you towards him is not lost on you; it’s not until your noses brush and your lips part that he says: “I love it.”
“You’re gross.” Your smile betrays you, but you can’t help yourself. You let your graze trail over the handsome planes of his face; from his strong, pointed nose to his chiselled cheekbones, his thin, expressive eyes and tousled morning hair.
“Mhm. And you married me regardless.”
"Hm. I guess I did."
It's like two giggling children sharing the silliest inside joke. Your laughter is soft and breathless, still muddled with sleep, and it's natural the way that you fall into each other so easily. Your head falls back against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat in your ear; your legs intertwine, and your arms hook under his. Close enough to the point where you don’t know where one of you ends and the other starts. If only every day could start like this one, but you're the sort of person who cherishes rarity. And oh, how rare it is to wake up with him — speaking of which…
"You don't have work today?" You ask, trying (and failing) to keep the hope out of your voice.
"No." There's a little pause, before: "I finished up my latest project, so I took the day off."
You haven't forgotten the pledge you made to yourself yesterday: the promise to ease whatever may ail him, or at least to get to the bottom of it. “Woah. You passed up a chance to make money?”
“I suppose I did.”
"Hm, I don’t mind. I like having you to myself." Breakfast, that goes without saying. Maybe he'd prefer to go out for it, or maybe you could cuddle until brunch. Maybe he'd like to take the rare opportunity to stay in all day — and if you're in all day, you may as well do a little more than cuddle...
“You’ll have to share me with the laundry.”
“Mm.” As if drawn there, bolstered by the knowledge that you essentially have all the time in the world, your lips meet the side of his neck. You feel him swallow as you do, but Kento’s nothing if not poised; even as you dare to scrape your teeth along his skin, there’s no other reaction that’s quite so visceral. “I’m a jealous woman, you know.”
“I know.”
Those hands that had cupped your face start to trail down your back — warm and slightly calloused, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Brushing over the elasticated waistband of your panties, lingering just enough to be suggestive, but no more. You pretend that even the slightest whisper of his touch doesn’t make your stomach twist pleasantly, but you suppose you’re long past coyness, considering you are husband and wife. “And you married me, so you know I can’t share you.”
“Even with the laundry?”
“Oh, especially with the laundry.” You finally lift yourself from nipping at his pulse point, flushed and arching into his hands, and stare at him straight on. His gaze is half-lidded, but his eyes — oh, his eyes. So clear and sharp and fixed on you like he wants to print your image onto his eyelids. And his body is so firm beneath you, broad and muscular (you’ve never questioned how a salaryman who has no time to go to the gym is so incredibly fit, but you aren’t about to start now) — even on top of him you feel almost dwarfed. “But, speaking of laundry — we should probably get our money’s worth from the washing machine, then, shouldn’t we?”
An eyebrow quirks. “Oh?”
“Mhm. If we’re gonna wash the sheets, they may as well be as dirty as they can possibly be. Filthy, even.” No use in playing innocent. It’ll be killing two birds with one stone — multiple birds with one stone, even. You can treat your hardworking Kento to an orgasm or two, comfort him after what was no doubt a long, hard day — all the while you enjoy yourself in his arms, and save time and money with the laundry. Perfect.
You’re practically kneading his biceps at this point. The manicure he pays for bi-weekly digs in just slightly, leaving half-moon dents in his otherwise perfect skin. You don't worry about it too much; if there’s one thing you know about Kento it’s that he treasures those little marks above all else.
“How do you propose we do that?” He says, face purposefully blank.
Groaning, you give his arm a light slap. “C’mon, don’t make me say it, Ken.”
“I was joking, darling.” With a smile that sends your tummy flipping, he threads one hand in your hair, large palm flat against your skull, and urges you closer to him. The other settles itself against your jaw, keeping your head firmly in his hands, and it’s with very little shame that you melt into him. It’s hard not to — and besides, why starve yourself of something you’ve waited so long for? “I’m not that cruel.”
A liar he is not; with little fanfare, his lips meet yours, and it’s like every time before and every time after. His lips are smooth, his nose slanted to press against yours, and every movement is deep. His tongue licks into your mouth, lips moving against yours in such a way that you can’t help but moan. It's interesting to experience first-hand how much your relationship with Kento has changed over the years. When you first met him, he baulked at even the mere idea of tongue — this Kento, though, is some measure of depraved, and takes great pleasure in the way you squirm underneath him when his tongue runs over yours.
It’s the type of kiss that, inevitably, makes you want more. You’ve long since parted your legs to hug either side of his hips, and you whine at the press of his growing bulge against your panty-covered clit. It’s that dull sort of pleasure — not enough, never enough, and you’ll curl and arch and flex yourself until it feels like it might be, grinding down on the shape of him. At some point his hands move from your head to your waist — or are they at your back, your ass, your hips? You’re not keeping track. You only know that they sear the skin that they touch and set your nerves aflame, and that’s all that matters.
You’ve just broken apart to catch your breath, prepared to peel off your panties and have your way with him — but in the blink of an eye you’re weightless, and the world twists and warps and you’re under him, suddenly, with the wind knocked out of you. “Kento!”
“Sorry, love.” He doesn’t sound sorry at all. In fact, the words are barely out of his mouth before he descends on you again, this time laying the entirety of his body against you. It’s all you can do to desperately follow the movement of his lips, the rocking his hips — and you’re clutching at his arms all the while, mind dizzied and chest heaving. You’re liable to let him have his way with you just like this, with your legs around his waist and your ankles pressing against his ass, but—
“Wait, I—” Panting, your grip on his biceps tightens, and you frown up at him— “I wanted to be on top, y’know. I wanted to give you a break.”
His laugh is gentle, breathy. In the haze of the morning every sharp edge of him is cotton-soft, his hair this honey sort of blonde wherever the light hits it — mind twisting juxtaposition to the red-hot pleasure broiling in the pit of your tummy. “It’s a husband's duty to worship his wife, is it not?”
“I—” His head dips to the crook of your neck, lips ghosting over your skin in such a way that you shiver in his grasp. It’s sweet and indulgent and him, all him; his weight atop you, his hands on you, his scent around you. “I… Oh, You’re playing dirty, Kento.”
His answer is a hum that reverberates all throughout you. “Am I?”
You’re not expected to answer, and you doubt you have enough control over your muscles to do so, because just as you open your mouth, his fingers slip underneath your panties and slip over the hot, slick skin of your pussy. He’s always purposeful with you, and this time is no different — he does not fumble and flounder, unsure of where to put his hands. He has learned you well enough to know what brings you pleasure, and oh, does he want to bring you pleasure. He makes a glutton of you; gives you far too much, buys into your every whim. He can’t help himself.
You’re wet enough that he can slip a finger in with little difficulty — embarrassingly little difficulty, and you squeak as he slides it all in at one go. His fingers are thick, that goes without saying, but what makes Kento especially dangerous is his skill. He’s too attentive — watches everything, notes every shiver, the pitch of your voice when you whimper his name. He knows just what he needs to do to make you lose your mind — at that, as if he’s read your mind, another finger joins the first, jutting upwards to grind against that spongy spot that makes your legs jerk.
“O—oh,” you breathe, “That’s — okay, that’s good.”
“Is it?” Kento sounds far too amused for your liking, but you’re hardly in a position to scold him, not with your legs spread and your hips rolling up into his hand. “You're like wet velvet.”
“Don’t say things like that!” You whine, slapping a hand over your face. Your cheeks are red-hot, and it only adds to the overwhelming overstimulation — the sheets and Kento against your skin, the coolness of the pillows beneath your neck, the sounds that leave nothing to the imagination.
Sometimes you can’t believe your luck. Almost every partner before him was his complete and utter opposite, caring little for your pleasure and simply using you as a means to an end, but — with Kento, it’s so different. He centres you in everything. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, especially when he wants only for you to lay there and do nothing. It’s hard not to feel a bit lazy, like you have to offer something in return — he says you’ve already given him everything he wants, and it’s enough to make you scream. You suppose you have little to complain about, though, considering you’re regularly being fucked through the mattress.
When you gain enough lucidity to unscrew your eyes, he’s already watching you — like you knew he would be. Somewhere along the way Kento had migrated from on top of you to beside you; he propped himself above you on one elbow, cradling your head. If you were to only glance at him, you’d think him wholly unaffected by your whining, squirming self — but you allow yourself a stare, and are pleased to find the tips of his ears pink and flushed.
“I wanted to take my time,” says Kento, as if reading your mind. “But I’m too impatient when it comes to you.”
“I don’t mind,” you say — breathe — adding: “We have the whole day. You can fuck me slow later.”
It’s as if he was waiting for you to say it. Almost as soon as the words leave your mouth he’s pushing himself up, gently slipping his fingers out of you. You mourn their loss, but you know you won’t be untended for long. Sure enough, he pulls off the sweatpants and briefs that hang low at his hips, and settles himself between your legs once more. His cock is hot and heavy against you, pressed right between your lips, and you shiver as it’s nudged right against your swollen clit — but nothing more. Not yet.
Kento has endless patience — or so it may seem. His impatience, though rare, manifests itself only in his accidental roughness — as if he doesn't know his own strength. Your legs parted with strong hands, your body tugged further down the bed before you can even register the movement... Still, despite such impatience, he takes the time to rest the tips of his fingers against the shiny plushness of your bottom lip. He watches with sharpened eyes as your mouth opens and accepts them in, your tongue all too eager to lave over them, licking over the tanginess of your own juices. His voice is laboured — almost hoarse — when he breathes: “You’re vulgar.”
With a pop, his fingers are removed, glossy and wet and slimy. He wipes them on the blanket as you huff: “You put them there.”
His large hands grasp the back of your knees and push your legs up, until they hook high up on his waist and around him. “Because I knew you were vulgar enough to take them in your mouth.”
“Touché. But—”
Kento’s lips silence any half-baked argument that was about to leave you — this kiss is gentle, almost innocent. Somehow it’s enough to make your cheeks heat up more than any other racy gesture he’s shown you thus far. It’s made even worse when he reaches across your chest to intertwine your fingers — both hands housing a wedding ring.
(And it’s not surprising how romantic he is. Perhaps when you first started dating you were convinced that his blunt mannerisms and professionalism would extend to every facet of his life — and in many ways, it does. He’s the perfect gentleman in public, hands never straying too low, words rarely crossing the boundaries of polite-speak. But here, in your marriage bed, with more than a measly three hours of sleep and the sun casting shadows across your bodies, Kento is softened. Whatever exists outside your room that scares him so much no longer has any place in his mind.)
“I’m going to make love to you now,” he says. It’s just above a whisper, heated and heady against your lips. The gravel in his voice that had attracted you from the moment he’d opened his mouth is enough to make your knees turn to jelly — lucky, then, that they’re kept compacted by the barrel of his torso. “Is that okay?”
Your brain short circuits. Any smart comment or cheeky quip you could respond with is lost, and you’re left staring up at him, wide-eyed and willing. “Yes, please.”
His lips twitch upwards, the ghost of a smile, but he doesn’t attempt to tease — simply connects your lips again, and guides himself to your entrance with that free hand of his. The blunt head of his cock is silky smooth and slippery with your arousal, and barely catches on you before it presses in — the stretch dull and only slightly uncomfortable, but entirely familiar. It’s like stepping into a warm shower after a cold day — not just sexual, not just to scratch an itch or a means to an end — it’s this. Feeling the heat of him inside you; the way his breath catches in his throat as you squeeze around him. Knowing that you’re the only person in the world who has the privilege of having him like this.
It’s with a breathless sigh that he bottoms out inside you, hips flush against yours. On either side of your head, his arms bulge with the weight of his own body, muscles hardened and tensed — and as his hips begin to move, that neatly trimmed patch of hair around his cock grinding against his clit, you can’t help but reach out, anchoring yourself to them. There’s little else you can do except lay there and take it, shuddering all the while, mouth agape in wonder.
“Is this — okay?” Kento asks. His voice is strained, and you try to hide the smug smile it elicits in the bulk of his arm — there’s no point. He’s far too focused on staring at where he splits you open, anyways, watching how your lips split around him, crested by the sweet little pearl of your clit. And he calls you vulgar.
“Mhm. You can — you can go faster, if you want.”
A laugh. “If I want, hm?”
“Please, Kento,” you whine, humping up towards him. It’s embarrassing how much he makes you want him. It should be, at least, though you find you’ve gotten a little shameless as of late — shameless enough to press your feet hard against his ass, pulling him in deeper. “Don’t make me wait.”
Never let anyone proclaim he doesn’t treat you right, because at your request, he does just that. His pace quickens, pulling out to the tip and slamming all the way back in — the rhythm straightens out quickly, and that’ll be your downfall. If it isn’t enough that his hips grind down against your clit with every thrust, Kento (predictably) knows how to use his cock. The mushroom shaped head bullies against your g-spot in that dizzying rhythm — back, forth, back, forth, building you up until you’re gasping for air.
You wonder if it’s like this for everyone. You wonder if everyone in the world is lucky enough to find someone who fits them this perfectly, who listens to them this intently, who isn’t afraid to show such unerring devotion. You wonder if you will ever feel safer, more loved, than you do when you’re in his arms — if you will ever feel such deep, persistent pleasure at the hands of another. Then again, what good does wondering do? When you have all you need at your disposal, there’s little need for wondering. When you’re taken care of so thoroughly, there’s little need for anything else. And God, are you being taken care of.
“Oh — fuck, Ken, I’m—” Words escape you. All that matters is that building heat, the involuntary trembles of your walls around him, the electricity zipping from neuron to neuron; his eyes on you, the furrow of his brow, the comforting weight of him pressing you down. It’s all so much. You could lose your mind. You are losing your mind. “I’m—”
You can’t even finish the sentence. All you know is that your toes curl and your back arches and you squeeze his arms a little too hard but you can’t control it, you can’t control anything, not the way you’re squeezing him in a vice grip, not the way you’re dripping down around his cock, wet and sticky and messy—
“That’s it,” Kento urges, voice ragged as he fucks you through it. Through hazy eyes you see him — strands of hair hanging low over his face, his skin dewy with sweat. Ruined. “Good, that’s it. There you go — damn it—”
When he cums, he very nearly collapses on you, breathing heavily and sweat dripping from his brow. He presses himself to the hilt — of course he does, he can’t help himself — panting lowly as he thrusts with every wave of his orgasm. You can feel him against your cervix, that once-strange sensation of being filled.
In the midst of his pleasure, and fortified by his fatigue, his movements begin to slow. It’s that inevitable syrupy slowness that comes after an orgasm, where desperation is eventually traded for an easy languidness. His head bows to place a sloppy, messy kiss on your mouth, one he’d normally eschew, and you accept it with all the eagerness of a woman in love. One, two, three — another one to your cheek, then, and then to your brow.
That frantic, charged energy finally slips away. Kento holds you tightly to him — he always does, when all is said and done — but something about the way he’s hunched over you makes your stomach twist. You don’t know what is — some sixth sense, perhaps, that blooms into a sense of dread in your chest. The supernatural powers of a wife to know when there’s something wrong with her husband, and coupled with his demeanour the previous night...
“Kento,” you whisper, petting your hands over your head. “Is everything alright?”
“Mm.” A beat of silence, before he pushes himself up again, and — with some difficulty — pulls himself out of you. He kisses your forehead and sits himself up, sheets pooled around the hard lines of his abdomen. With worried eyes you watch as he reaches for his glasses, and then the wristwatch he’d left on the bedside table last night (almost 800,000 yen, one of the few things he’s splurged on himself) and deftly begins to clip it on. He's still avoiding your eyes when, at last, he says: “I… I was thinking of changing jobs.”
You shoot up — or sit up, rather, with what little energy you have left. “Hm? Oh, Kento, that’s wonderful!”
“Mm. It is.” But something’s bothering him. He doesn’t sound as elated as he should, considering he despises the job that he currently has. “It’s a smaller agency. An old… friend of mine runs it. The work is hard, but I won’t have to work much overtime, and… well, it’s better work, I suppose.”
You run a comforting hand over his covered thigh. “But?”
Kento exhales, slow and tired. “But I thought I left that work behind a long time ago.”
You shift, humming to yourself thoughtfully. “The work is hard, you say?”
He nods. “But… rewarding.”
“Hm. Well, I don’t know too much about finance, but I think that as long as it gives you purpose, it’s good, right?”
His head falls back against the headboard, and tired eyes trail over you. “It’s so simple for you.”
“Well, one of us has to simplify stuff, and I doubt it’ll be you. Look — you hate your job now, don’t you?”
“...Mm.”
“Then change it,” you say, rolling over on your side to face him. Your features soften at the sight of him — uncharacteristically unsure of himself, staring at his hands with furrowed brows. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him so deeply torn, but then again, you know how hard he’s worked for this job. His career — especially before you met him — was of the utmost importance to him. Money, money, and more money. That’s what he’d told you. He was obsessive. He slept even less than he does now, barely used the fancy apartment he paid extortionate rent for... How do you turn your back on years and years of commitment, of obsession?
You reach a hand up and take his hand in yours once more. The silver of your rings glint and glimmer in the morning light, the garnet stone in the centre of yours a bloody red.
“For better or for worse, Kento,” you say quietly. “That’s what we promised. Whatever you choose to do, I’ll be here with you through it all.”
He doesn’t say anything, just smiles that one smile of his — the small, wistful, sad one. The one that hints at a far more tragic past than he’s let on, one of misfortune and melancholy. That’s okay. He doesn’t have to tell you, and you would never press him to. In much the same way, you pretend not to see the glassiness of his eyes when he raises your joined hands to his lips, and pretend not to hear the lump in his throat when he tells you he loves you — dearly, more than life itself.
"Yeah, yeah," you say, smiling. "Just don't forget about that retirement to Malaysia, okay? I want a beach house."
He huffs a laugh, and the cast of despondency shatters. Then, a thoughtful hum. "Mm. A beach house... that sounds good."
#nanami kento x reader#nanami x reader#nanami smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk smut#nanami kento fic#anime x reader#smut x reader#i dont think we focus enough on how hard it was for nanami to return to jujutsu tee bee haytch#i want to hold his hand etc etc#cheeky little mention of malaysia of course couldnt help myself x#my fics
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I don't think this means anything, but along with the album cover colours getting darker with each successive variant that others have pointed out, one thing that jumped out at me is how the cover photos are more revealing of her with each one as well.
The first one her face is hidden 1989-style, the second one her face is partially obstructed by her arm and hair, the third one she's facing the camera in side profile (also notably no longer in bed).
It's probably just because all the photos are going to be brilliant because Beth Garrabant is incredible and they're just pretty to look at and they wanted to give contrast to each one, but it does kinda feel like she's stepping out of the metaphorical dark with each version.
Like, she's gone from being curled in bed to contemplating getting up to stepping outside but still covered in (his*?) shirt to...
idk I love cover art can you tell (and I love how Taylor tells stories with hers)
#*i don't think it's literally joe's shirt lmao#but it does look like an oversized man's shirt at first glance#so you know the metaphorical Him etc#the tortured poets department#photography#this might be the first album i buy more than one variant of but I'm trying to hold myself back lol#but as an amateur photograher... I am so transfixed by the artwork for this album#taylor swift
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wears off in a month or so
#a doodley#talkys#as soon as i saved a single screenshot of silco from twitter it was over for me#it rly is mainly that and the ''gets overwhelmed seeing or thinking abt them and has to physically get that out somehow#or put pressure on the face or cover the eyes in shame etc''#i just added the 3rd bc just the 2 seemed so lonely#today i had to slam pause on that scene where silco lights the cigar in his mouth because i got so (embarrassed?) and hide in my hands#for a bit i rly dont know what this is#i still have my ken folder i have to delete it bc its never going to have that insane intensity again ykwim#like i dont think ill draw him again#so sad that silco is fated to this too...i wish i could actually hold onto stuff like this instead of burning through the Big Feelings#really really quickly#this is why im an oc and Drawings of Myself artist lmaooo i wish i could do fandom/fanart stuff beyond just Here's a Portrait/Bust/#Character Standing There/(god forbid) Selfship#tho tbf thats all i draw of my ocs too...#alas!
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would u rather be turned into a vampire right now immediately or in 5 years? assuming your body stays exactly the same forever as the moment when you were turned, including haircut, piercings/tattoos, etc. 5 years would give u time to change these things as well as set up a lifestyle that would work for a vampire ie working from home or working nights, but it is also possible that your circumstances and body would change in ways you would not want as a vampire (illness, debts, aging) as can normally happen in a 5 year span. do you take the time to prepare, but risk this, or preserve your current state even w flaws....
#personally im taking the 5 years. getting tattoos covered fixing my teeth etc#setting myself up and saving a lot#this isnt abt aging lookswise btw. i have health issues which have progressively worsened w time and thats why its a pretty big risk#rolling the dice that my joints would hold up long enough in those 5 years for me to continue working to set myswlf up#but they might not! also you could die#ic
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Found this blog recently and I can't believe that there's someone who also thinks about a lawlight slay the princess au. I remembered thinking that princess/the shifting mound felt so similar to Light. With how she just becomes whatever people perceive her as, not unlike Light. Gosh I even made fanart that has just be rotting in my wip folder for months now. Maybe I should finish it one day.
HRNNNNNGH YES YES YES YOU GET IT YOU FUCKING GET IT!! AUGHH
I think I mentioned this in a post before but I first played stp while still knee-deep in my dn hyperfixation, so I Immediately thought of dn parallels as I was playing it (specifically between the shifting mound and Light as you mentioned. The second I heard the narrator say "She will lie, she will cheat, and she will do everything in her power to stop you from slaying her. Dont believe a word she says." my brain went "Oh! Light Yagami")
Also ofc my obsession with death note as a multiverse, the fact that there are so many versions of Light and L's personalities/relationship/dynamic, just like how theres are so many versions of The Long Quiet/Shifting Mound's relationship oughhhh you See the vision right
Also PLEASEEEEE IF YOU HAVE FANART YOU SHOULD FINISH IT (If you want!!) I NEED MORE STP/DN FANS TO SEE THE POTENTIAL I am actually guilty of having some lawlight stp sketches sitting in my computer as well, maybe I should clean them up a bit and post them sometime... This is genuinely one of my favorite things to think about ever with them but I haven't seen a lot of people who are fans of both dn/stp that have thought of this so I dont talk about it a lot.. oooh if you have any specific thoughts about them let me know I'm so interested to know your ideas 🔥🔥🔥
#asks#death note#lawlight#light yagami#l lawliet#stp#anon your brain is based and awesome#im so glad we see the same vision here thinking about lawlight stp au makes me so aughhhhh#they are doomed in every universe by their own nature. they are intrinsically linked and it is their one downfall etc#it just fits!!! it just works!!!!! trust#i hope you know that half the time i make a lawlight analysis post about a specific dn adaptation#i am always holding back from adding an stp lawlight reference/thought in the tags#it happens So Often but then i have to stop myself because that is Off Topic but oufh
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local adeptus doesn't get human phrases
#is a trope so beloved to me.#traveller is trying to explain a script from fontaine in the bg#but also i just like silly wordplay.#a friend was like 'the stage left? pursued by bear?' and i lost it entirely#xiaoooooo. i miss him. also multi fandom is rly multi fandoming now..#wanted to redraw genshin screenshots for the longest time tbh.#esp for him.. his drip marketing art is so !!!! and then his mode lowkey. disappointed me -^-#genshin impact#xiao#tbh this is a vast improvement from the last time i drew him. improvement meme etc.#<blinks> fontaine is very !!!! and the new thing but liyue cast still holds a special place in my heart#also i'm sad i missed neuvi's banner // trying to remind myself how i waited like 7 months for xiao..
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the urge to just grab both twins’ heads and make absolutely sure they know how good they are they’re so good you’re so so good !! you’re such good kids!! you’re so good you’re so good!! is getting a little too strong to handle over here
#play game#they need to know. they should know this. removed from the context of eorzea and your responsibility you still chose to help !#in such an impactful way that people know you! They know you as little champions! you chose to help a swath of people who need it#who can’t help themselves who love you !! Wow!!!!!!! you’ve grown so much!!!!#if anything happens to them I’m going to CRY#I’m going to kill everyone in the room and then myself etc#oh my gosh I’m tearing up. That’s not good#not a good sign#I don’t have any fancy words I just need to pet them. ok? Ok. Good kid#ch’ari is funny to look at as a whole he’s like no friends >:( angry >:( and then like seven years later he’s holding a baby and crying
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I doodled this real quick since I somehow managed to burn my stomach while putting pasta in a strainer. I'm inflicting this onto my self insert now >:] (Zooble is helping them take care of it <3)
Proshippers/adjacent dni. 100000 shark attack 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈 also Zooble self ship doubles dni
#self ship community#self ship#f/o x s/i#safeship#safeshipping#safeship community#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc zooble#tadc self ship#first person to get mad that i drew my s/i with their tummy out gets exploded with lasers#< people probably won't get mad but I felt the need to say that just in case. that is literally just what my body looks like lol#anyway ummm it hurts 👍#I've been keeping an ice pack on it all night but as soon as I take it off it starts hurting again#it especially hurts when my shirt touches it#also if you want to know how I managed to burn myself there straining pasta it's so stupid#I put the pasta in the strainer and like. the pasta went in but All of the water exploded out for some reason#and got all over me lol#I would out aloe on it but we don't have any here >:[#the one gokd rhing abkut this is I get to imagine Zooble helping me take care of it :3#they hold the ice pack in place for me :]#also i can imagine I have aloe to help soothe it sooo they help me put that on too#< I don't like the texture of any cream lotion etc on my hands#and yes Zooble does give them kisses afterwards <3
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will fully admit that I never finished SVSSS book 4 until an hour long layover.. I have to say with my full chest: LQG you gay-ace disaster
#svsss#LQG#I LOVE HIM!#he’s so……. him#He’s so much.#he really is a mood and a moment#who can blame him for falling into a sworn situationship with xianxia helen of troy#tbh as an ace myself his reaction to LQQs fortune is how I reacted when people strongly implied they had a crush on me#becoming stupid nervous blushing stammering etc etc. dread and desire equal#so while I do say HOMOSEXUAL I am also tenderly holding him to my bosom as my brother
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I'm gonna read a new tpb every day lol, gonna start today with batman golden age.
#chat ill reblog this in a year and we'll see if I stuck to it#batman#dc#dc comics#superman#etc#this is me holding myself accountable to a goal
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You get flustered at any man when you’re in public? Like at the grocery store?
not Any man i still have my own tastes but yea if i look at one for too long, like when i was going to the park and a man would jog past me and id have to avert my eyes lest i start Thinking... less about That Man specifically and more about men in general if this makes sense...
#skunk mail#anonymous#fictional man example but whenever i see the isolated scene of silco with his arms outspread as he sinks into the water#im like oh my goddd men man torso man arms i want to hold *a* man...even if not specifically him#ykwim...its the same when im out and about...man jogging...god i like looking at men#god id do anything to get my hands on one of my own in a more private setting....LMAO#and then of course theres older men being a sort of more distinguished symbol of manhood#and that ties in together with gender too like its not enough to be with and touch a man i want to do it as a man#even though id be the Othered one. idk.#the desire to worship and grip and trace and press and carve and sink and meld goes craaazyyyy#im almost 27 and im still locked in a tower with 0 romantic experiences so this isnt too out there i think#it happens with art too im transfixed by images of men i think of men#caravaggio's incredility of st thomas i want to dig my finger right in#follow the shape and study and simply watch in awe of beautiful art and lament that i cant be the same so ill devote myself to#this wonderful form instead...etc
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I HAVE JOTARO THOUGHTS. SO SO MANY.
he has breakdowns about wanting his momma. so, so many. poor baby
he is afraid of storms. theyre scary as shit to him!!!!!!!
he knows how to waltz! holly taught him
he gets clingy when hes tired. he tries not to be, but he grabs onto people more
he looooves when people run their hands through his hair. but ONLY people he trusts. hence the hat.
HE HAS TO MOUTH WORDS WHEN HE READS. idk i think its cute
i think he likes to cook. its a healthy coping mechanism that holly helped him build.
- @scariest-monsters <333
(my asks are broken! i cant send them without anon, for some reason, they get lost. treat this ask like you would one from a non-anon blog please :3)
GOD ALL SO FUCKING TRUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#-- scariest-monsters#answering machine#me.txt#jotaro being able to cook because holly taught him is such a big hc that i hold in my heart. cultural cuisine being a love language in#general is So *clenches fist* to me.#like we can assume he can make tempura (diu) so i just choose to adopt it into my belief system /j#i think his cooking is so fucking good. if there's any one thing jolyne can give him it's that /j#the hair thing is also so fucking real i think he loves having his scalp scratched etc. it's so fluffy it'd be a crime if he didn't like it#with the right people#i love people rambling in my askbox thsnk u so much. my day is infinitely better after spilling hot cocoa on myself this morning lmfao#jotaro kujo#jjba#headcanons
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