#and to her i guess itd be a comfort from when things were whole? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nonbaznary · 3 years ago

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ao3 tag game ✨

thank you so much @wellbelesbian for tagging me in this! i really liked reading your answers, lol. sorry it took so long to post this, but here it is!!

how many works do you have on ao3?

currently i have 28! i deleted a few last year, unfortunately, but i’ll work this year to get that work count higher 🤲

what’s your total ao3 word count?

31522! weird number but i’ll take it

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on ao3, five. or, i guess, technically four, because two of them are Carry On Series and Simon Snow & Related Fandoms. the other three are BIG BARF EW EW EW Voltron: Legendary Defender, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. ew. ew. i have this thing- sticking to fandoms for authors and sometimes even works i now hate. anyways, i want to start writing for other fandoms too. i used to do stuff for riordanverse (mainly percy jackson, and i still have some WIPs), miraculous ladybug (not the greatest, but im watching it with my lil sis and its fun to try to fix that shit) and uhh i think it was the dragon prince? and she-ra and carmen sandiego? which were fun. so yeah!

what are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Maybe we just lived between hurting and healing

Gen, m/m, snowbaz

After a whole life of hurting, Simon and Baz finally get to healing. Baz adores it.

4. Of queer weddings and family parties

Gen, m/m, snowbaz

Baz and Simon are loudly queer in family events, especially now that they're engaged.

3. Move, I'm gay

T, gen

Inspired by the tweet: "sobbing at this lil girl at target. dad tries to get her a dress and she just YELLS “no I’m GAY I CAN’T” and her dad just sighs so loudly and goes “no you’re not gay, I’m gay. You’re five.”" Or: bad gay humor is generational, and often unintentional! - for @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire

2. Here, kitty-kitty…

T, gen + m/m, snowbaz

Simon adopts a cat. Baz pretends to hate him. It's probably safer for everyone this way… - for the @carryon-anon-fest

1. (Spend my days) Dreaming 'bout you

Gen, m/m, snowbaz

Life has been amazing for Simon and Baz. Simon can't stop daydreaming about their future together. He has a million questions to ask Baz. That's easier said than done, though. Written for the Carry On Exchange (Baz's Birthday Flash Round!) - for @letraspal

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yeah, totally! i mean, at least i try to 🥲 im not really active on ao3 (and not always logged in because i forget to check that) but every time i get in i try to check my inbox and answer as much comments as i can, even if theyre just replies. i LOVE feedback on my fics and i think chatting about fics is really cool

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

👁👁👁👁👁 uhhh

ive had some pretty bad angst fics. all hurt, no comfort, definitely no happy endings. a lot of main character deaths and shit like that.

BUT none of these are still up, so i’ll go with one that is and i actually remember- recently, (I'll shut my mouth) I'll let you go, which is my least read and interacted fic ever (i mean, FAIR) a nicodemus & fiona fic from when he was Turned. yknow, the nice stuff

have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, i dont think so? not that i recall. ive had people whod send me like . personal hate? but still loved my fanfiction and told me so lol. but i dont think ive ever gotten hate on a fic. if i have, i completely forgot about it, or just straight up never saw it

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

not really? ive experienced and tried to get into it some little time ago but its not really my sort of thing. guess its still too awkward and embarrassing for my developing queer little brain. a few friends keep reminding me to try my hand at that because we do have fun talking about it lol, and im curious to see how itd turn out. and id definitely like to try to write some fics with more of a hint of seggsual stuff and not feel like crap for it!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope! (or not that i know of…)

have you ever had a fic translated?

ive been asked if people could translate my fics to spanish (and one in english when i wrote more in portuguese) but ive never actually seen my translated fics posted? 🤔 im fairly sure someone sent me, like, in DMs, a translation of one of my fics, but i dont think it ever saw the light of day

what’s your all-time favourite ship?

i dont really do those! i mean, that definitely are some ships that i will treasure for a long time, but i dont really choose all-time favourites for basically anything fandom-related. my taste changes very often, so thats not reallt a thing for me fkkdkdkd right now, its snowbaz, obviously (snowshaz is also starting to grow a lot in my lil polyamlm heart)

have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have! i used to do that ALL THE TIME when i first got into fanfiction, but lately not so much. i miss it though, it was such fun, and it helped me get even more ideas for fics. we'd have groupchats for fics, and sometimes even go like RPG-wise to develop scenes / dialogue. when i stopped co-writing often, i would still pitch in with a few chapters / scenes for my friends’ fics, and they’d do the same for mine. i loved it, and i think the readers thought it was fun too!, but i stopped writing frequently altogether so its harder to do that, i guess. maybe now that im getting back into writing in general i’ll get back into that too. also, renée and i are planning to co-write something soon, so !!

what’s a wip you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

wow, so many of my WIPs fit into this... my post break up art teacher simon fic. my band au. full like the moon, which is an exes-to-friends-to-lovers thing i think i posted the prologue to. the watford drama society au. most of my longfics, probably. lol

i have a bunch of fics that i might not even actually start writing. like, self indulgent fics that arent coherent at all and dont make any fucking sense. fics that are basically just a few random scenes splashed together and left aside. i like them, but... eh

what are your writing strengths?

queer stuff. angst angst and angst, i guess. people usually say im good with humor, and dialogues, so these!

what are your writing weaknesses?

as it probably became clear, if it wasnt already obvious; long fics! planning, actually writing a BUNCH of shit, and getting to the end. endings, in general, aren’t really my jam

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fics?

i like it! dont really have a problem with the concept in general, but i do think its decent to leave the translations in the notes (or make it really, really obvious from context if possible)

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter, i think! i discovered fanfiction with harry potter, more specifically the marauders fandom, bc i used to look things up about them and only fanworks wouldve touched the subject 🥲 so thats what started my interest in fic

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is a hard one, because all my current favorites are still WIPs ✨✨✨ as in, do you want me (dead)? and my golden AU, mostly. but im really fond of And if you have nightmares, we’ll dance on the bed. i loved writing it, i love baz and penny’s relationship, and i think people should pay more attention to penelope’s trauma, because it's definitely there. it felt good to adress it. also note how literally all of these are named afted songs / lyrics LMAOOOO

tagging @thesebookishdelights / @aqueeriano / @punkjuliandiaz because i said i would 😌😌

#ao3 tag game #aspen talks writing #pen and paper

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36incheshigh · 3 years ago

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Some care tips when havin covid hopefully we all wont need emmmm ;D

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background- think i got sick bc i hadnt slept well in like weeks and hadnt eaten properly lately , so my immune system was weak and was near like 2ft from the same people for a while every day who didnt wear masks or cover nose and i thoughtt itd be ok cause there was breeze with open doors /then had talked in pretty close proximity indoor maskless to a friend for a long time like an hour who turns out was exposed i guess id thought it was okay to talk to her indoors closely+ Less likely id get it cause cases were low in the summertime but.. :/

advice:

masks for everyone in the house everywhere when near me/ for me when Im outside the room for going to/bathroom

eat or drink smalll amounts of food instead of big amounts throughout day because i always got more sick after eating big amounts of food at once -so you dont feel more sick all at oncee when your blood and energy goes to digesting more at once instead of to healing, avoid fatty foods/dairy/meat at first (for me)

atleast flex/move feet toes legs in bed so you dont get fatal blood clots from staying still lying down for long periods

Steam inhalation: boil water then breathe in its steam , i put some vaporub in the bowl too , it might help and put blanket over your head and steam when you can’t breathe at all. this and massage/lightly tap your own [chest/] back [w something long like a backscratcher big spoon or tube of toothpaste lols helped a lot at worst /get back lightly tapped by someone who wears mask and gloves who washes hands after if done for less than 5ish minutes near me then they probs wont get sick if theyre takin care if themselves and taking a lot of vit c like my fam was alright . Maybe can use water in a plug-in kettle thing is easiest if you’re alone. Or can just inhale steam from standin in or near hot shower water or plugging the sink drain and filling it with hot water .

tums sometimes cause Id lay down after eating and get heartburn also making me breathless

Trying to stay calm too (see links) bc sometimes idk if also panic attack didnt help-calming down helped me breathe https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uPWqs8hOzmQ affirmations

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yYTg6vrDeKc&list=LL&index=3&t=367s mom type comforting I got prescription from doc/maybe walk in clinic can give it too? for an albuterol inhaler to help breathing- i only take one instead of two puffs at a time but when youre low energy it opens airways so whatever air u can get in ur lungs, it gets there faster and easier w less effort. helps when chest feels humid

positions for breathing better - lying on front, on side , standing but arms/head on bed, sit up with pillow on lap leaning on pillow, sit at table with head and arms on table with straight back though to expand lungs, leaning over hands on knees, folded knees head leaned down on pillow like childs pose in yoga (kinda uncomfy), chest rest on pillow when lying in stomach and chin on folded hands above pillow, on side but top leg bent on bed so foot is at opposite knee - all while breathing w face right in vaporub can, push out diaphragm in front of you so backs arched or try to curl shoulders forward nor ur whole back just ur shoulders made me feel lungs stretch , or try to elongate and stretch ur spine

dontt let me lie/sleep on my back

check pulse oxometer (from ex. walmart/amazan) often -oxygen saturation shouldnt be at/below 90-92, if so, call doctor/go to emergency room

check temp often enough atleast once a day - if u go 24 hours w out fever then ur gettin better- we got the contactless thermometer u point at ur forehead like a gun so we dont have to clean it

dont let people in your room if you can avoid it besides if u need help - they left food outside my door and i left empty tray outside door when done and they used mask when touching tray and maybe gloves and washed hands after touching my stuff

i wore mask/bandana mask lol in Quick shower, they touched light and shower to turn on for me, i used separate soap and shampoo and removed them from shower when done, kept my towel in my bedroom not in bathroom if they share shower room/bathroom, they sprayed shower w alcohol before using it, waited preferably 3 hours after i shower to use it so air germs die, left bathroom fan vent on to suck out air germs as long as possible. Kept my lotion and deodorant in my room.

supposedly cdc says ur not contagious after ten days from sympt starts if no fever for 24 hours, symptoms improving and werent like in hospital/oxygens above 94 i think. otherwise, not contagious after 20 days from symptom starting

vitamin c supplement, vitamin d supplement and multivitamin supplement like normal, every day up to however many mg are in one adult pill lol- i like gummys cause easier i took the amount of gummies that added up to like 1 swallowable pill supplement a day

used liquid tylenol bc easier to swallow for me drank it only when cant stand feeling bad so maybe antibodies will know covid better lol

Hydratings important because thats (dehydration) a big thing that also sends us to hospital - nothing with caffeine , rehydrating drink with electrolytes: coconut water helped me-has vit c and rehydrating, pedialyte or some gatorade and water, and orange juice , juices/premade smoothies like Naked brand ones, big bottles of water near my bed so easier to pour and easier than sink, peeled cut ginger in hot water (w orange (or pineapple- thats good for lungs!) and honey), keep refilling cup w water onto ginger alll day, i think it really made me turn the corner doin that, coconut water spinach pinapple ice smoothie - if ur well now, peel and cut up ginger and wrap servings in foil and store in freezer and cut and store servings of orange/lemon/pinapple too in freezer for easy access and use in future when youre tired. I think theres a way to store spinach in freezer too.. blend it in blender then put in ice cube tray? Ice u can make a bunch in trays then empty them into ziplock bag in freezer to have a bunch ready too if dont have ice machine for making a lot.-u can doordash or instacart things! Pumpkin/sunflower seeds, coconut water, pineapple, banana, ginger in tea alll day, hard boiled (not fried with oil!! because oil takes a lot of energy to digest) eggs felt v good

foods that dont need refrigeration so u can eat a little at it all day w out being scared itll get bad and u wont waste it if it gets bad i ate saltines crackers and a littlee pb , Canned bean/pasta soup- tried to avoid muchh meat dairy and high fatty foods when im sicker bc found theyre harder to digest so i got more tired after eatin em. Mac and cheese w low cheese/milk - mixed some milk w water or maybe easy mac!, hard boiled egg and toast w jam. i didnt try these but some people say they drank boost those chocolate drinks that have nutrients, ..maybe baby food lol? of mashed/sweet potatoes (sweet potatoes supposed to fight covid!)/veggie cause theyre easy to eat when your too tired to chew ? By day 10ish I bought like a bag of these no hormone etc meatballs that id throw em in my canned soups or on pizza - So it was easy .

im not sure but i thinkk getting up and walkin around a bitt helps breathing -not walking for a long time, but it gets blood flowing , even if u hunch over to keep lungs on top.

practice breathing exercises/taking deep breaths in through nose out ghrough mouth i think regularly to prevent fluid in lungs/pneumonia

u and any helper alwayss keep phone w volume/intercom on u /check it often enough bc sometimes even though u can hearr calls better than texts so ud think id just call to reach u,sometimes texting takes^less energy

Keep dirty laundry in my own room in garbage bag under bed lol til not contagious

change positions/orientation on bed when sick of one view/sheets feel dirty there lol

5th/6ths days worst for me ? 4 months after shot

Comforting- barbie movies lol bc comforting but good plot. Watchin standup comedy -is on youtube sometimes who’re pretty conversational and approachable so it feels like youre talkin to a friend lool or those side videos when you swipe left from the camera on snapchat theyre usually more candid so it feels likee kinda visiting someone when ur lonely during quarantine lols, audiobooks there’re some on youtube when im tired to watch

if your nose burns, i used arm and hammer nose spray thats unmedicated and if you can get your nose clear of snot i found the spray soothing in there

I think after covid we gotta push ourselves little by little to move about - not too much or else u feel bad/tired again but a littlee! To get strength back and endurance and keep takin vitamins. Ppl say spirometers helped them theyre cheap or blowin up balloons are cheap exercises too!

#Advice #Cw covid advice #Covid #covid advice #Covid 19 #Covid-19 #covid-19 advice #Covid 19 advice #Delta #covid delta

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axemetaphor · 3 years ago

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im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

#jdate #john dies at the end #aus #erh. tthe hell do i tag this as #rambles.txt #long post #well let me know if youd wanna hear more or. or something #send an ask. or whatever #yaknow #:jazz hands:

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currentfandomkick · 5 years ago

Text

JL confronts Marinette

From bio!dad Strange au, where they made her kryptonian to keep her alive. This is post-Hawkmoth (debating using a random and revamping Gabriel altogether tbh)

“Don’t.” Marinette was tired of heroes, tired of being one. She had to handle hawkmoth’s fallout, keeping so many secret identities (hers, JL, miraculus team, her gotham family’s) and she just wanted to sleep.

Flash found her first, but Superman grabbed her and put her in the air for a ‘talk’.

“Don’t what?” She knew superman wasnt a detective. She knew he was a reporter though and she could see baiting and needling just under the surface. He’s an interrigator then, she decided.

“Don’t come in and try to fix what the miraculous team already handled. Paris was abbadonned by your league.”

She figured this was about Ladybug. Paris is always going off the the miraculous holders and ladybugs were always deemed the defacto leaders. She liked that Daesuqa (Talia) took over leading long term missions for the most part, handled meetings and politics so her and Chat and the others could be more like the teens they are in theory.

And everyone knew Marinette was Chat Noir’s favorite after she got how many akumatized people to release their akuma on their own? And that she supplied mirauclous users with kwami food (though it was common for many other civilians). It was common knowledge to all, but Hawkmoth apparently, that if Chat or his miraculous team or the entire team was needed, you went to Marinette.

Superman furrowed his brow at that though. “I didn’t know there was an active team here.”

So it wasn’t about the miraculous or years of magic terrorism her city endured?

“Been here for years. Hawkmoth’s sentencing is in a few hours.”

She hoped it was the kwami’s choice. Tikki murmured that people were surprised by what they could live through, and she is thw kwami of life. Tikki would make him wish he was dead routinely. He deserved it for regualrly slaughtering the city.

“No, that’s...” superman shook his head. “I came here to talk to you about...” he gestures to her then. She didn’t get it until she realized she was floating on her own.

When did he let her go?

“I know you’re Princess.”

Marinette’s blood stopped then. No. He can’t. They can’t.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I know Chloe changed my handle to Princess of Paris a few years ago but indont think heroes can stalk teens for that.”

Good, play into that. Distract until someone you trust can come. She hit an alert on her phone while he wasnt looking.

Pegasus should be here soon.

“I know you know it only as the Chimera project.”

Wrong. It was the surgery that kept her alive.

“And i know you’ve been poisoning yourself to stay hidden.”

Antidotes came from venom. It was fone to ise the stickers, they kept her human. The crystals were for emergencies only.

“What I don’t get is why.”

Why would she want him to kidnap, or abduct her? Take her from her family? Her life?

Don’t show that you’re who he thinks, anvocie whispered. Keep being the Paris Marinette from social media. The savage who snarled Weredad into submission.

“I really think you have the wrong girl. Its listed under my file as a volunteer flyer that i’m a flying meta, like most of the flyers.” Good, keep it up.

“And superman, if I had to guess why some girl that i look like would supress their powers, its becuase this is France and until the Miraculous team came clean about some being meta, you were imprisoned on suspicions of being meta, even infants were, are in the rest of France. Paris is the only place you arent imprisoned for it.”

Superman paled at that. “I. I wasn’t aware.”

“why would you be?”

Superman did respond to that.

“And if this Princess of yours is still hiding, she might be protecting her loved ones. Or maybe she thinks you’d steal her away from her life and home? Everyone knows about the fortress of solitude and i dont think anyone besides you would like living there, especially so far from people.”

Marinette watched him process. As long as Red Robin didnt see her, didnt confirm her identity, she was in the clear.

“Now if you’d excuse me, I’m needed to finish filling out a report on the final battle.”

That had superman’s attention.

“Final battle.”

“Yes, we just took down Hawkmoth a week ago.”

“He already has his trial, in a week.” Disbelief. Not worng either.

“It took the citizens of paris a week to finish voting. Finally tallies come in tonight if we try him as humans or if the kwami—gods of various concepts—are the ones to try him for his crimes. Afterall, he enslaved one kwami and abused another.”

Superman was not doing well, far too pale. Shock? No, they sent so many videos before the JL banned them.

Guilt. Regret, too. Probably.

“Now can you put me down somewhere? I’m not out as a meta and indont plan on being out anytime soon. Any supporting the miraculous teams do have their enemies too, and i dont want to be targetted.”

Superman nodded. Numb? Possible.

She let hersef be taken down.

Pegasus was there, Flash on his way. Another person who could make her.

She had to move fast.

“I hope I cleared things up?”

Superman nodded.

Max was ready to fight, glaring at the blue boyscout.

“Ready to go Miss DC?”

Marinette nodded, letting him guide her to the portal.

Flash didnt make it in, but he didnt see her face either. She’s take the narrow victory.

They exited in the Paris Grande Hotel. The Mayor had Batman and Red Robin with him. Crap.

“Is this...”

“Our civilian contact, Miss DC,” Pegasus stated almost too professionally. Great, now Red would know they know each other as friends. batman too.

“Batman, Red Robin, correct?”

“Yes. We, we just found your heroes videos and came to help. I see we’re too late too.”

Marientte nodded, avioding eye contact with Red. She wasnt sure if he learned to act infront of Batman yet, and wasnt risking it.

“I heard you came up with many of the emergency procedures and built the comms system with Pegasus.”

“As a flyer, yes. As Miss DC I just make sure the team stays fed and Chat doesnt forget to sleep.”

Batman shot Red Robin a look as he said, “I know the feeling.”

Marinette didnt fight the smile then. Yes, that was her Hero Stalker Tim alright.

“Would you two be interested in helping the league develop a better system to sort incoming messages?”

Pegasus moved first. “If we do, Miss DC is to be left alone. Her mother is very atrict about her not getting involved in science, and refuses to believe that her daughter has been actively helping the miraculous team.”

Batman turned his attention to Marinette then. “Is that so?”

Marinette nodded. “My birth father and her left on... terms i never got the jist of. He and his friends teach me in secret. Mama,” not maman, she forced herself to say, “she said something about it being destructive and dangerous, so she wants me to stick to the arts instead.”

Batman nodded. “Experiments can be, but that doesnt undercut the good you’ve done. I’ll tell the league you will work off-site should you accept.”

Marinette nodded along. “I can help where Pegasus gets stuck, and be contacted through him but otherwise would prefer not to be contacted by the League. I’m a civilian, and no offense, but there ahve been leaks before.”

“Understandable. The league thanks you for your help, and apoligizes for what you went through.”

Marinette could feel the hole Red Robin was burning into her. He earings. And the fox miraculous. Shit. He knew.

Marinette wanted to punch the league in their face collectively.

“All May i go now, i have a meeting to get to.”

“Of course.”

Pegasus opened the portal and escorted her out.

They both waited five minites, Max feeding Kaalki, for the call.

“So why didnt you tell me?” Tim was pissed.

“Media blackout. Any time i tried to call it was blocked.”

Tim swore. “Alfred!”

“You are so lucky Pegasus doesnt know anything about gotham.”

“He’s there?”

“I work with him alot.”

“So when you visited Gotham...”

“French government would know. Not hard to connect the dots of girl leaves to see gotham fmaily and suddenly the league shows up after banning all of Paris from contact.”

“I. When did it happen?”

“Before Chrismas. I would have had Nonna tell you but she didnt know either until after the fact and they said if she told anyone itd be me going to jail for her.”

“That’s. What hellscape do you live in?”

“I died so many times i don’t even know now.” She stopped keeping track after she got into the eighties. That wasn’t even a full year into being Ladybug.

“That’s not comforting.”

“Please tell me that you’re not outing me to Bats. I just got two leaguers off my tail.”

“I won’t tell him, but if the new Robin does i’m not stopping him.”

She almost forgot Talia’s son was a Robin. She didnt see him in uniform yet—as Damian (not wayne but damian who was mourning lost family, damian who didnt know how to talk to people his age). She knows he’s a bit thick with social cues, and his detective skills need work in her opinion but he’s skeptical and has good insticts. He might make her as Marinette if he’s there.

“Is he...”

“He’s with the Titans now, but theyre debating coming here to yell at the league.”

“Videoing it?”

“Obviously. Want a copy?”

“Ill make popcorn before watching.”

“Rkc are doing well by the way—stopped a human trafficking ring and i think they took the victims.”

“Harley’s working with them,” marientte got he update earlier. “Hood and zsasz took out the lower and mid tier that woudlnt snitch. The case should be smooth sailing—the sirens put out a blanket hit on anyone trying to touch the witnesses.”

“So managing two teams this whole time,” red murmured, almost... bitter, or disapointed in something—no someone. Himself?

“Just tweaking things. Daesuqa handles most the team since she found me and Chat. Apparently she was compatible enough to do a lot of the non-fighting work. I still did battle strategy and all but,” Marinette shrugged.

“She focused in survival aspects here, and long term stability for Gotham. Daesuqa has handled most of non-kwami work here outside of kwami and candidates,” Max added. “On top of her work as a student and designer and inventor.”

Red Robin groaned. “When do you sleep?”

Marinette hummed. “I have meds to make me. And angry family to make me take them.”

“Her... what are we calling him now?” Mac was asking about Felix, adiren’s gremlin cousin who’s mom isntryign to adopt her. Also a fellow reverse theif and possessive friend.

“Uh, gremlin.”

“Her gremlin calls to let is know if she does get rest on the weekends and we trade off on weekdays.”

Red robin hummed into the phone. “So staying to the shadows?”

Trixx and Tikki looked up at Marinette at that. tikki wanted her to be the Ladybug, the be seen and everywhere and she...

Trixx knew why Marinette liked the shadows and background. Trix understood that bit.

“Yeah, i’ll still play in between and have some kwami things for life now.” She and Chat were working out gaurdian duties still.

She wasnt interested in the JL.

@emeraldpuffguide @ilovefluffbutsmutisalsogreat @mystery-5-5 @weird-pale-blonde-person @dast218

#maribat au #maribat #bio! dad au #bio!dad strange #bio!dad au #ml au #my au #my idea #marinette strange dupain cheng

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renaxwrites · 4 years ago

Text

Eleven

.08 - No Control

synopsis: the number Eleven had always appeared in milestones of your life. it was a constant, and you didn’t know why. but you would soon find out when you study abroad in japan and meet Him.

pairing: tsukishima x fem!reader

warnings: none!

masterlist: here :)

a/n: it’s been a quick minute! also I’m not entirely sure how taxis and such work in Japan, so for the sake of the story, we’re using uber! no smelly taxis for you ma’am >:) also I picked bops I felt fit with the groups lol don’t fight me on the vibes I got :) also here’s a TikTok that inspired the Suga scene: <3 !

previous || next

I can’t contain this anymore. I’m all yours, I’ve got no control.

“Are you sure this looks okay? I feel a little more breeze than usual...”

“Y/n, it’s fine! You look stunning. And if you don’t believe me, ask Mizuki. MIZUKI-SAN!! We need some confirmation over here!!” Suga bellowed.

You, Suga, and Mizuki were all centered in the main room. Even Akiteru was home for the night. Tonight was the volleyball “get-together” downtown, with not only Karasuno, but with other schools as well.

Everyone was expected to dress a little nicer, since it was a night out in the town. Tsukki and Yamaguchi has already left, getting ready within 10 minutes. He walked out the door as soon as he heard, “I’ll be ready in 2 hours...minimum” come out of your mouth. And you’re glad he did. For now.

Your fashion choice was mutually decided that past weekend between Suga and Yachi, who were both in on your “karaoke confession” plan. Their dress choice for you made you feel like a dream. You had eyebrows fleekd, the lashes on, the eyeliner pointed, the heels strapped, the whole she-bang! However, you were worried about actually going out in it. Right now it looks good in your room, but how does it look outside of it?

“Y/n dear, you look ever-so lovely. And might I say, I’m sure it’ll turn the head of even a more emotionally unaware, six foot tall, blonde player,” Mizuki truthfully reassures.

Wait. WHAT?

Your reaction was like an open book, causing the room to chuckle.

“Yes, y/n, as emotionally constipated as my brother is, it’s a little obvious there’s a little chemistry between you two. And itd be ludicrous if he didn’t see you in that dress like we do. If he doesn’t, I’ll teach him a lesson myself,” Akiteru punches his empty hand.

“Well...if you say so...”

“But before you go, let me take a picture! You all look adorable!” Mizuki exclaimed.

A few minutes of photo-snapping later, you were off! Since the event was farther, the two of you shared an uber for convenience. You were already struggling with breaking in your new heels, there was no way you were going to make it! Thank goodness for Suga’s common sense.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Soon, you arrived in front a low-lighted club, with neon lights accenting it’s features. The only detail setting apart from a real club was that it was being rented out to you, majority minors, so no alcohol would be seen in any of your hands. Not all of you were minors, but none of you were at the country’s drinking age yet.

The bass from the music amplified the atmosphere, which suddenly closed in on you, making you nervous. Suga noticed right away, and was quick to put a rub your shoulder and let you know “everything is fine, don’t worry.”

He leads you to where the main mingling was happening. Immediately, you see players who you recognized, but don’t quite know. You stride up to a group seated on a leather couch, seating Daichi, Hinata, and Yamaguchi. Beside them were a bed-headed individual, a pudding-haired boy talking only to Shoyo, an owl-looking dude, and a very dashing raven-haired boy. Oh, and Tsukishima. Can’t forget him.

“Oy! You guys made it!” Daichi announced. “Now everyone is here! Before we start, let me introduce these guys. This here is Kuroo and Kenma, captain and setter for Nekoma. Bokuto, and Akaashi, captain and setter for Fukurodani.”

Formalities were exchanged, but Tsukishima hasn’t uttered a word yet. He was too occupied with how Suga’s hand was on your back when you first walked in. Why’d you come with him? And that one second of silence before Daichi’s greeting. Within that split moment, he noticed all 8 of the boys on the couch had drank in your appearance. Including himself. How could he help it, when you looked as angelic as the way you did?

Only Kuroo was cheeky enough to comment on it. “Daichi, you never told me you had such cute managers! Hope you don’t mind me transferring to Karasuno,” he said with a wink sent your way.

“Keep flirting like a creep and I’ll sit you on the bench for the whole season if you do transfer,” Daichi half-jokingly replied. Kuroo only cackled in response.

“But you do look very pretty, y/n-san. I almost didn’t recognize you for a second! Very pretty!” Hinata innocently piped up. If Tsukishima was ever thankful for Hinata, it was now, as his comment made you blush.

“Let’s get this started! Captains, up to the front please!” Daichi announced, leading the captains present to the front of the room.

You and Suga replace the spot where Daichi and Bokuto were. It was then that Tsukishima decided to acknowledge your presence. With a shoulder tap.

“So. It took you two hours to pull something together like that? Looks like it only took 20 minutes to me,” was the first thing that he said.

You turn to look at him. Raising a brow, you ask, “Tsukishima. On average it takes me 12 minutes to get ready for school. And on the few months we’ve known each other, have you seen me with makeup on? Or in heels? Didn’t think so sir. So sue me if I want to slap some eyeliner on.”

You cross your arms and turn the other way. In doing so, your dress hiked up your thighs, leaving your legs a little more exposed. The sight causes Tsukishima to blush and distract himself with something else.

“Alright everyone, thank you for joining us tonight! Before we get started, we want to wish all the teams a ‘good luck’ in advance!” Daichi goes on to explain the theme for the night: TikTok. Some people were confused, but most, including yourself, were super hyped for the theme.

The teams drew numbers, picking the order. First was Nekoma, Fukurodani next, followed by Karasuno.

The Nekoma third years started it off strong, dancing and singing shamelessly to Savage from the TikTok challenge. The nerves you were nursing began to dissipate as you watch how much fun the boys were having trying to ‘throw it back’. You were still holding your stomach by the time Kuroo came back to his seat, trying to comfort the aches you had from laughing so hard.

“Enjoy the show, princess?” The captain teased as he tried to keep his own laughter at bay.

You wipe a tear, not wanting to ruin your makeup. “My gosh, who knew the players of Nekoma could thow a volleyball and throw it back? Immaculate performance, a definite ten out of ten from me.”

“There’s more where that came from, if you want. I’m excited to see your attempt, though,” he countered with a wink.

Before you could retaliate, Bokuto thunderously intervened. “Hey! If you thought that was good, just wait for mine. I’ve been told I have more...what was it Akaashi?....No, one those girls said that one time....OH! I’ve got wayyy more ‘cake’ than that bed-head rooster does!” He triumphantly crossed his arms.

“Shut up owl-face! Y/N can be the judge, winner gets bragging rights.” “You’re on flat-ass!”

Nekoma had since finished their turn (in which Kenma conveniently showed up from hiding), giving Bokuto the opportunity to sprint up the karaoke stage. He had a plan set into motion. With a mini emo-episode and several attempts of bribing, the ace-captain was followed by his reluctant teammates.

They all gathered in some formation, leaving you curious. You and your seat mates ponder as to what song they would choose to try and top Nekoma’s third years.

You hear a familiar “Hold on...” burst from the speakers, and you immediately gasp aloud. Those sitting around turn to you. However, Bokuto’s next line in the mic instantly stole the attention of the whole room.

“Did you hear what the fuck I SAID??? SHAKE!! SOME ASSS!!!”

Everyone bursts in hysterics as Bokuto started enthusiastically started twerking to the beat, his teammates following his lead, much to their dismay. However, what finally killed you was when Akaashi stood silently as he began to toss one-dollar bills in his captain’s direction.

Suga handed you some tissues for you to prevent your tears from staining your makeup. Bokuto took his boastful stride back to the couch, taking his seat.

“So? Better than flat-ass over here? Guess volleyball isn’t the only thing I’m better at, Kuroo.”

The two captains await your answer, to which you silently pull out a few dollar bills.

“Kuroo, I do believe you gave your best shake, but Bokuto is the taker. Please sir, take this token and buy yourself a drink, as the winner with the best cake,” you bow your head, trying to stifle your laughter.

Bokuto finalizes your decision with a boastful “Hey Hey Heyyy!”, and goes to buy the group some water with your generous donation.

“Alright, so who from Karasuno wants to go first?” Ah, the question you secretly dreaded.

Suga gives you a look. You return a look to him, silently praying that you don’t want to go first. But Suga being Suga volunteered you both, hastily dragging you along. As the two of you ready yourselves on the mics, a conversation sparked up back where you once sat.

“Thanks for the water, Bokuto-san, I have a feeling I’m going to need it in a minute,” the Nekoma captain stated in a nonchalant tone.

“Huh? Why?” Everyone else inquires, suddenly curious. He simply leans back. Arms behind his head, eyes on you. “She’s kinda cute, dont’cha think?”

Tsukishima follows his gaze, then proceeds to glare back at his friend. Kuroo notices, then feigns innocence. “What? She’s pretty, can’t blame a guy for noticing...why? You have your eye on her too or something, Tsukishima-kun?”

The blonde then breaks his stare, scowling. “Or something.”

The expression Tsukki wore when watching you told Kuroo otherwise.

Back onstage, you silently pray that Suga’s mystery song choice was a decent one. You trusted the man, but then again, some choices of his were questionable.

“Okay y/n, you ready? And don’t say no because we’re doing it no matter what you say!” he flashes you a blinding smile. You just nod in response and try not to sweat.

The song begin, and everyone instantly is hit with the familiar sound. You turn to Suga and lightly slap his arm playfully. “You really picked this one? I haven’t heard this in so long!” To which he responds, “Can’t blame me!” You couldn’t come up with a response before he began to sing his heart out, releasing all he needed to say within the words of the song.

“Can’t count the years on one hand that we’ve been together...I need the other one to hold you, make you feel, make you feel better...”

The sound was sucked out of the room, with Suga being the only one to fulfill it. You were so mesmerized by his voice you found yourself swaying to the music, your body having a mind of its own.

“I should be over all the butterflies, but I’m into you, I’m into you. And baby even on our worst nights, I’m into you...”

Before your part arose, he picks up your hand and spins you around in time with the melody. This was enough to bring you to your senses. Suga gives your fingers a squeeze as you began your part.

“Recount the night that I first met your mother, and on the drive back to my house I told you that, told you that I loved ya...”

The way the stage lights presented you had your friends captivated. There was something different about you as you sang your lullaby. The movement of your hips was captivating to a certain boy you once linked pinkies with. The reflection of your dress in tune with your movements left him breathless. Tsukishima swore thw way you looked into his eyes while mustering out “I’m still into you...” was for him. Even if it was a figment of his imagination, he was fine with just pretending for a mere moment.

You attack Suga with a hug after finishing Paramore’s famous song, flustered at the amount of applause you both faced. hand-in-hand, the two of you retreated back to your rightful seat, and were once again bombarded with praise.

“Y/N!! SUGA-SAN!! That was amazing!!” “The way you two harmonized...immaculate” “I didn’t know you were so good!”

“Thanks, it wasn’t much,” you play with your hair, still slightly embarrassed. You looked up into a pair of golden eyes, waiting for the only opinion you cared about tonight.

Tsukishima returns your stare, quickly glances at your clasped hands with Suga, then reverts his gaze just as quickly. “Well you didn’t mess up so...good job.”

You roll your eyes so hard you felt the tips of your false lashes touch your brows. “Thanks, Tsukishima.” You’re go of Suga’s hand and plop down to to your seat with a huff.

“Y/n-chan, don’t worry about him. Pretty sure that’s his way of saying he loved your voice. I know I did,” Kuroo reassures, patting on your head.

You failed to notice the way Tsukki’s cheeks tinted with pink as he threw a hard glare at his friend. What you did see was Suga headed outside with none other than Daichi. Alone.

You send him a tex expecting details later, not expecting him to reply anytime soon.

You’re thrown out of your curious train of thought when Nishinoya and Tanaka began to rave to “Hot wings” from the Rio movie. The underrated bop served them well, as everyone migrated to the dance floor to rejoice to their song of choice.

Silently bobbing in your seat, you’re granted an offer. “Want to join me?” The hand outstretched belonging to Kuroo, of course.

With consent, he pulls you up and starts guiding you to the middle, a hand on your back.

You look back sweetly at Tsukishima. “You coming?”

In the .5 seconds of coming up with a response, the blonde rapidly weighed out his decisions. Ultimately, he shook his head, keeping on the same deadpan expression as before.

It was obvious you tried not to look deflated as you plater a smile on your face. “Okay then! I’ll be over here!”

He watched you walk away. He watched you dance as if it was your last night on earth. He watched the way your dress hugged your figure, magnifying your endless dips and curves of your body as you moved to the atmosphere. He watched the way you glowed under the endless rainbow of stage lights, bestowing you with an alluring aura.

The way he watched you so intently sent his thoughts spiraling. He found his brain in a dilemma with his heart, which was thumping wildly in his chest.

Tsukishima decided it was best to escape his own confrontation. He exchanged some words with Yamaguchi, then strides out the door.

Not before he took a last look at you.

Practically drenched in a layer of sweat, you lug yourself off to the side and catch a breath. “I’m going to go get some water!” You shout to your friend in order to be heard over the music.

You check the time on your phone, then look to the couch you once sat on.

It was Eleven’o clock. And Tsukishima was gone.

Powerless, and I don’t care it’s obvious. I just can’t get enough of you.

Tag list: @jiminslonglostjams @fantasymirror @shewastheriot @lukes-princess @iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire @its-bnha-babe @desi-studys @shootooooo @noya-senpai-imagines @animefan7420 @anpancari @tsukkx @cadabby @thoebe-fly @it-was-just-a-ship @imconfusedanditsok @alexa360b34st @delicious-peaches-blog @shinguchi @creammy0 @fandoms-on-main @smellybananaz @keikink @tsukiak4ri @skyguy-peach @chicalmeida @obsessedwhxre @anhphunnnn @200th-piece-of-glass @sana-li

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! imagines #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima imagine #kei tsukishima #kei tsukishima x reader #tsukishimaimagine #haikyuu imagines #eleven #rena imagines

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pogaytosalad · 3 years ago

Text

Heres a wip of a sequel.

Dmviolence, by jade

Hello, if youre hearing this, it probably means im dead. Either that, or im alive and just got tired of keeping this hidden. You might remember my voice from a previous recording about a takeover in sector ⬽:➻, in which id helped prevent total annihilation of the sector. At the time i was unnamed, however now you may call me Kalton. After the takeover i resigned and moved to a job at a dmv. This planet was, for some reason, in one of the most tactically advantageous locations in the galaxy. And for some reason the higher ups dedicated the whole damn planet to dmvs. Dont ask why. Now, onto the story.

I woke up, and i put on my emerald green contact lenses. Just like any other day. I put on a basic white t-shirt and a leather bomber jacket along with a pair of jean shorts. If you cant tell by now, im gay.

I live in a small apartment. By small apartment i mean a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen all crammed into 2 rooms. I hopped out the bedroom window onto my motorcycle. It was a diamond white motorcycle with deep red stripes along the sides and the handlebars. My pride and joy. I put on my jet black helmet and took off towards my job at the, you guessed it, dmv.

Chapter 2

I pulled up in the parking lot and took off my helmet, my blue hair a total rats nest. The doors were push doors, yet i somehow ALWAYS pulled first. I entered the dmv and went to my station. A few hours passed by and no one had come in yet, which was unusual. So naturally i decided to sit down on the floor, put in my earbuds, and enjoyed some heavy metal. A few more hours passed by, and usually by now i wouldve been yelled at by my boss. This struck me as odd so i stood up. I really wish i hadnt stood up. The place had been completely destroyed. There were drop pods crashed in through the roof and they all had the ERGON logo on them. Ergon was a multi trillion dollar pencil manufacturing company with its own military. They had previously tried to take over sector ⬽:➻ when i had been working there. I was not looking forwards to what was about to happen.

Quickly, i ducked back onto the floor before anyone saw me. There were 4 riot soldiers holding this building. This was gonna be fun. The riot soldiers are your stereotypical riot gear and police baton soldiers. But these guys had laser batons and the riot gear gave them heightened strength and speed. They also had some, dare I say, shitty energy pistols. I crawled over to one of the soldiers who wasnt being watched and broke their neck. Carefully I took the baton and the pistol. Slowly crawled my way back to my station and checked the shot count in the pistol. I had 6 shots, just enough to take care of the remaining three soldiers. I stood up quickly and shot each soldier twice in the head. First shot to open the riot helmet, second shot to kill. I vaulted over the counter and grabbed the three pistols. These things were so stupid. You couldnt even remove the clips. Once you ran out of shots, the pistol was useless. Nonetheless, i didnt have any choice. I had a laser baton and 18 total shots in 3 pistols.

Upon leaving the building, my motorcycle was one of the few things to survive. It had alot of scratches and damage, but it still worked. The helmet was shattered however. I mounted the motorcycle and took off towards the next closest dmv. Maybe id find some better gear there.

Chapter 3

Pulling up next to the second dmv i immediately noticed 3 things. 1: there was blood everywhere. 2: there were 25 soldiers here. And 3: they all had energy weapons. The reason these things are relevant is because energy weapons dont cause bloodshed. This was the result of something else. Something new i hadnt dealt with yet.

I drove up and ran over 5 of the soldiers. This was probably an incredibly bad idea, seeing as i had 18 shots, enough for 9 kills, and there were 20 soldiers left. Every single soldier turned to me and i, being the absolute genius that i am, welded the front of one of the pistols shut with the laser baton, shot it off, and threw it into thei crowd of soldiers. It exploded, releasing a shockwave of energy and disabling the soldiers. I then used the baton to cut through the riot gear and kill the soldiers. I felt like a badass. That is until a mechanical looking wolf jumped at me and started trying to rip my face off.

The wolf was a frostwolf, except it had been placed into a mechanical frame and its teeth and claws had been replaced with lasers. I tried to bash it off of me with the baton but it just bit it in two. This gave me just enough time to grab an energy pistol and shoot the wolf. It kept trying to kill me amd i wasted a whole clip on it until suddenly, the dog started to levitate in the air and got thrown aside into a wall. I got up and was instantly frozen in place. Thats when.. she walked up.

Chapter 4

The she i am reffering to is ebony. A goth/punk wannabe with light blue tear shaped eyes and black hair with purple streaks. Shes a bitch whos mind got too powerful and now she can move things without touching them. Shes been chasing me for months. Not in a murderous way. Shes just obsessed with me. Ive tried to tell her im gay but she wont listen. And now im at her mercy.

She walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I hated it. She looked as if she was contemplating whether or not to free me when a pod came down from the sky and crushed her. Thank god. But i honestly wouldve rathered suffered at her hand than deal with what i had to deal with next...

Out of the pod came the warden. The goddamn warden from sector ⬽:➻. Last id seen him hed been in the same situation as ebony. Crushed to death under a pod. But this time, instead of being on my side, he was here to kill me. He was huge. Like seriously huge. He was at least 8 feet tall and shaped like gaston. Whos gaston? Nobody knows these days. But its basically a way to say "extremely buff and wide". Back to the story. The warden wasnt looking very good, considering the rotten skin, obviously quickly patched together face, and muscles hanging loose out of his skin. His rotting ruined body was held together by an exoskeleton of chromium-tungsten alloy. Nothing i had was gonna cut through that. I was gonna have to get creative here..

The warden had 2 weapons, both of them were his fists. Huge gauntlets that were each about the size of a cow. Definitely bigger than his previous set. They were a golden green metal i couldnt identify. But i didnt want to get hit with one to try and find out. I ran. I ran as fast i could run into the dmv and hid. I could hear the wardens footsteps. It was as if a small earthquake happened each time he took a step.

I peeked over the desk i was hiding behind and saw him punch through the 2 desks opposite to me. It took no effort and i couldve sworn i saw him smile. Obviously i didnt. Cause he didnt have a mouth anymore. But if he did, he definitely wouldve smiled. I took a shot to get his attention and ran off towards the wall. The warden was definitely faster than i expected.

Luckily i managed to dodge the blow by a centimeter. The metal smelled of decaying flesh and popcorn. The wardens blow punched a huge hole in the wall. I hope you see where im going with this.

I ran off to another wall and we repeated this same process a number of times until the building was barely still up. I ran out the doors and threw the baton at the last of the supports, cutting through it and causing the building to collapse in on the warden. He wasnt getting out of that. I decided to search the rubble to see if i could find anything worth taking. I found a new baton, a flame rifle and a few more energy pistols.

The flame rifle was a very interesting design. The sides were painted jet black with flame decals scattered about. You could feel the heat on the inside and it made the gun warm to the touch. Comfortable to hold. Other than that though, it looked like an old fashioned 8.59mm sniper rifle. It had 4 shots remaining, so id have to use it sparingly.

I grabbed some scrap materials out of the rubble to make a holster for it and put it on my back.

The energy pistols just dangled from a keychain. The baton was simply turned off and placed through a hole in the back pockets of my shorts. I ran to my motorcycle and drove off, i needed to find out more. I had questions, and i had a sneaking suspicion that i knew where to find the answers.

I drove off again, i was dirty and there was blood on me and my bike. I probably looked like a serial killer. But i knew that if anyone was still alive, itd be jayden. They were.. well. They were a vampire. They lived in a swampland area and wore sparkly rainbow shirts and a huge sunhat. The sunhat allowed them to go outside in the sun, and they only drank coconut water. They also had a crazy amount of weaponry and used to work at ergon, before being fired for stealing weaponry. By the way, if you havent noticed by now, im using they/them to refer to jayden. Jayden doesnt have a gender. Jayden.. is kind of my crush. It probably has something to do with the fact that theyre the only person on this planet who talks to me. Other than ebony.. but ebony is... not my type i guess. Anyways, back to jayden. Jayden was on the roof of their swamp shack drinking coconut water out of a wine glass. I yelled up at them and they fell off the roof onto my back. I guess i cushioned their fall. Jayden immediately said "What do you need dear" without waiting for me to stand up, and shattered the wine glass. I informed them of the situation and asked the questions i had. Things like "what are the ergon soldiers defences like on their ships" and "how did they reanimate the warden" they had answers.

Jayden told me about the new security measures that had been put in place since id last been on an ergon ship. There was now a code for each teleportation pod and the gaurds had doubled. As for the warden, it turns out jayden was actually the first test run in reanimation sciences, and couldnt answer me because they had been unconcious in a lab when the warden was reanimated. That explained the vampire undead thing. Jayden invited me into the shack where they pulled a nail out of the floorboards and it turned into a ramp to the basement. Down in the basement? Thats where jayden kept their weapons they stole. And boy oh boy were there some interesting ones.

One that immediately caught my attention was the big rocket launcher. It had 3 barrels and each was a different colour, indicating a different effect. One was red, one was yellow, and one was green. The red barrel fired a normal explosive rocket, the yellow barrel fired an electromagnetic pulse rocket, and the green barrel fired an acidic explosive. And the launcher shrunk down to the size of an energy pistol when a button was pressed. It gathered up dirt and dust and garbage around it from the back to quickly convert into ammo but the only downside is that it would be difficult to use more than once in an area.

Jayden picked out an old shotgun. At first i didnt understand why, but then they loaded the clip. The clip was a huge drum that loaded in the bottom of the barrel. The drum was see through and inside you could see sawblades lined up side by side. When they pumped the shotgun a blade got lifted into a slot between the 2 shotgun barrels and started glowing red. When the trigger was pulled, the blade spun at high speeds and fired out of the slot, spinning along the ground like a wheel. It could cut through anything a baton could cut through and seemed to almost follow its target. The gun itself looked like an DP-12, except behind the pump, a large clear drum full of sawblades was in place. The blade sat between the barrels in place of the iron sights and got heated up by an electrical circut.

I also took a laser sword instead of my baton, it was just like the one that [3825968] had, except this one was about an inch longer. The final weapon i took was an acid thrower. It was basically just a watergun with acid in it. Ive always been partial to acidic weapons. If youve heard my other story, youd know why..

Jayden also took a submachine gun that fired freezing rounds. The rounds were essentially glorified waterballoons with liquid nitrogen in them. Though the rounds were bullet sized, enough shots from it would certainly freeze you in place. The freeze gun was about the size of the average human head, and was painted navy blue with blue saphire stripes placed along it. We both left the shack, me with my sword and jayden with a wine glass. We were ready to kick ass and put a stop to this.

We left and immediately both got flung into some trees. Guess who it was. It was ebony. Her body had been found and reanimated. I was starting to see a pattern. And now we had to fight the telekinetic who could kill us with a wave of her hand.

She was levitating. Her eyes were glowing red and her hair was floating in the air. She had a smile of someone about to rip your arms off and beat you with them. I tried to take a shot at her but my hand got knocked aside by an invisible force. So i tried the next best thing. Seduction. Fake seduction. Hopefully the whole dying and coming back from the dead thing didnt make her stop being weirdly obsessed with me.

While i faked surrender and complimented ebony and attempted to seduce her, jayden took aim of their ice gun and shot a burst at ebonys right arm. The arm froze in place and shattered. Hopefully that would lower the strength of her telekinetic abilities. It did. But only by about half. Which meant jayden got thrown into the air as i tried to discreetly unholster my acid gun. It wasnt discreet enough and the gun was knocked from my hand.

The gun flew forwards and the impact of hitting the ground set it off for a second, just enough to spray an acidic burn through her arm. Incapacitating her. Jayden ended up sneaking up behind her and impaling her through the skull with the shattered end of their wine glass. Finally ebony was dead for good.

The acid gun was busted, so we had to leave it behind. We got onto my motorcycle and took off towards my apartment building. We would need food if we were going to be traveling. An apartment complex would probably be full of foods, and alot of dead people who wouldnt care if we took some stuff.

#writing #scifi #fantasy violence

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demonicintegrity · 4 years ago

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IDEA: Okay, so, what if the first few times Jamack starts attempting to show physical affection towards Keat and Harris, it actually kinda startles them and makes them tense up. I mean, after spending their entire lives not knowing physical affection, and whatever touch they do get most likely being in an attempt to hurt them in a fight, itd be understandable if the idea of being touched without it being an attack would make them nervous.

Oh yea most definitely. You cant just switch from no contact at all to fluffy stuff over night. you gotta build that stuff up.

That’s why he starts with playfully punching Harris, it’s contact but not ~quite~ openly affectionate. He can play it off y’know? But it doesn’t actually hurt. It’s sorta the gateway in that it helps Harris associate Jamack’s touch with Not Harm. Once he can do it with Harris and get a few playful punches back that also don’t hurt, it shows the whole trio that there are touches that don’t hurt. If anything, I think it’ll spark more healthy rivalries to get those playful touches.

But that’s so close to what couldve been acceptable that from that to just a simple touch would probably still throw the others off. No matter what I think there’s gotta be some conversation/confrontation about it.

It starts when it’s Kwat and Jamack talking while the group walks. First about nothing, but it circles back to something a tad more personal. If not the emotions on being exiled, maybe just a rough patch that they went through while they were separated.

Kwat actually talking about it is miles from where they were at back in the Mod Frogs. She starts stalling her words, not use to having to find the vocabulary for this sorta thing, and she feels something and it nearly makes her jump. It’s Jamack, his hand is on her upper arm. He’s still looking down but doesn’t seem to react like she does. She stares at him. He looks up with a “why did you-” only to be cut off with the puzzled expression on her face and the realization it’s because he was trying to comfort her with touch.

He takes his hand off her and gives a mumble of some attempt of a “sorry” and they continue walking in silence. Kwat just shares a look with Harris. He shrugs, she shrugs, they can kinda guess as to why but they’re still puzzled by it.

They don’t bring it up and neither does Jamack. He’s probably just cursing himself out internally for picking up the dumb stuff Kipo and her friends do. But when they have to settle down for the night and sleep, maybe Kwat and Jamack can talk about it then.

Yea! Once Harris falls asleep (probably in a tree branch or smth) she makes her way over to Jamack. Halfway through his attempt to question her is when she interrupts him with

“So what was that?”

“What? What was what?”

“Your hand on my arm earlier?”

“I-I dunno.” He flushes bright. “It’s suppose to be a way of comfort- er, understanding y’know?”

“But with touch?” She knows better than to buy his words at face value.

“But with touch.” He tries to hold it up anyways.

“And where’d you learn that?”

“Well...” He stares down at the ground. “It’s something Kipo and her friends do. To like... Comfort and be close to each other?”

She quiet because she knows itll make him talk more.

“.... It’s just suppose to be a nice gesture is all.”

“And since do we do nice gestures? It’s not like that was ever acceptable back at the pond.”

“....Well we’re not at the pond anymore. So why not?” He still looks at the ground, continuing to mentally curse himself out.

“Okay.” And she drops it and goes back to her spot.

At least she knows Jamack is trying to be nice and friendly. It’ll take time before she figures out how much/if she likes it and how she’ll be in response, but it’s a start y’know?

#ask #underfrogs exile au #underfrogs #jamack #kwat

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apprenticenerd · 4 years ago

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"Anyone can send me an ask with one of the titles and I’ll post a snippet or talk about that WIP!" The Acropolis, Tacet, Checklist, A Tiny Galaxy, Hearsay, Going Back, Ella Disenchanted, Making Peace, The Slashed Circle, Wake Up, Tenno, Midnight, Heliotropism, Arrhythmia, the one about Among Us, the one about Library of Ruina, the one that’s a D&D world concept. Yes, all of them. I know you wanna talk about all of them. So go, go forth and do it!

Hoooo boy, this is gonna be a long post. Lots and lots of writing snippets under the cut to avoid dash stretch!

The Acropolis - original - length uncertain - 1.4k and counting

im not ready for this im not i thought it would be yrs i thought id at least get an english degree first

omg sal whats goin on

fuckin hell whyd it have to be now i have a chem lab tomorrow

sally-tate macpherson. u never swear. ever. wtf is goin on.

ok. jess. i need u to listen really really carefully. understand?

answer the goddamn question ur scarin me

shut up and listen and this will go a lot better

fine but u need to tell me wtf is happnenig

ok. im going to tell you a bunch of stuff. not giving u advice, thats not allowed, but im gonna tell u stuff it seems like itd be impossible for me to know.

?????????????

i said shut up this is really important dont question how i know it. just go with it and figure out what to do. and dont die. bc no matter how crazy stuff seems, if u die, ur dead. here and everywhere. ok?

This is an original story coming straight from a @/writing-prompt-s prompt about a crack in a kid’s hardwood floor that they fantasized was a portal actually being one. I originally intended to write the entire thing like this, as a conversation over text, but that may not be feasible given a certain world-building detail at the other end of the portal (and the limits of my creativity lmao).

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Tacet - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 3.2k and counting

She closed her eyes again, and there it was. Hallucination? Some new science trick with electromagnetic radiation off the visible spectrum? Evidence that she was actually going insane? Whatever it was, it burned behind her eyelids in bright, incontrovertible red - and was completely invisible when she opened her eyes again. There was just the usual mess of club posters and one big one about someone’s exceedingly dumb-looking lost cat.

Eyes open, there was only Sargent Snuggles. Eyes closed, there was the normal darkness and then three lines of text where the poster had been, wavering like scarlet fire:

JOIN TBC JOIN TBC JOIN TBC

TBC? What the fuck was that? She’d never heard of any group with that acronym before. Hardly aware of the flurry of weird looks from half the other people in the hallway, she crossed the hall to examine the lost cat poster more closely. It felt like perfectly normal paper when she touched it, and there wasn’t even a hint of red with her eyes open, unless you counted the cat’s tacky pink sweater. How the hell was this even possible?

“You’re finally cracking, Bri,” she groaned under her breath, then headed for her locker. She did have to get home. Add another big fat entry to the weird shit list.

A backstory one-shot for my Blackout Club OC Briar, telling the story of how she got into the club in the first place. I’ve been stuck in the same spot for a while now, after Briar’s friend Dani explains the club to her, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the scene’s over as is. Of course, writing the next one is the tough part.

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Checklist - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 1.7k and counting

8. You still have a headache. Shouldn’t you go back to sleep and try to do this in the morning?

9. (wake up)

10. Nah, you’ve always been a night owl, and school starts criminally early, too early to get much done beforehand. It’s quiet, except for Dad snoring. Your parents are asleep already. You can stay up until this is done, and they’ll be none the wiser.

11. Your head hurts worse. It’s getting harder to think. At only 9 pm? 9:30? Whatever. You should sleep.

12. (wake UP)

13. What are you thinking? You have to read at least a little of this chapter, or there’s no way you’ll be able to bullshit your way through class tomorrow. Besides, all of a sudden, the silence feels...strange. Heavier? You can’t describe it.

14. You need to sleep. You need a drink of water or something. You need to finish this damn homework. You need to sleep. You need to sleep.

15. Stare at The Great Gatsby. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense.

16. Realize what’s up with the silence. Dad’s not snoring anymore. You aren’t feeling like yourself. You need to sleep.

17. Something’s weird.

18. (WAKE UP)

19. ...No. Something’s wrong.

Another Blackout Club story and another Interface Screw, as it were, this time in the form of a (very long) checklist. None of the characters have names (yet). It describes another way a kid could find themself running around at night with the Blackout Club, this time by fighting off the Song just enough to run into a club member who could wake them up the rest of the way. As with Tacet, I still need to write the suspenseful part.

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A Tiny Galaxy - Warframe - 4 chapters planned, 1 complete, 1 in progress - 7.8k and counting

Try it if you don’t believe me, the kid in the vent had said.

It was impossible. It was physically impossible. All of this was impossible. Had the Void...? Could the Void...?

The ship was at a standstill. Her mother had tried to kill her, and something had happened. She’d made something happen. There had been no holoprojector in that kid’s hand. Nothing was impossible anymore.

Jhia took a deep breath. How the heck was she supposed to do this? Was she supposed to feel something, some internal guide? Blue Hair hadn’t said. Feeling incredibly stupid, she did a quick mental checkup on herself. Nothing felt wrong, or different - but now that she thought about it…

Afterward, she would try many times to explain it, and fail every time. The best she could come up with was that once she found the Void, calling on it was as easy and as natural as breathing. She opened her hands in front of her, concentrated on that force like an extension of herself, reopened her eyes, and there it was: a riotous little ball of energy, wisps and motes of light and not-quite-light like a tiny galaxy, the Tau system in the palm of her hand, raging.

More OC backstory time! This one’s for my Tenno, a nerdy fourteen-year-old (at the time of this story, anyway) by the name of Jhia, going through the hell that is the Zariman Ten-Zero and what happened on it. This is possibly the first part of the story I actually wrote: the roll-credits moment when Jhia realizes the Void’s changed her more already than she thought.

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Hearsay - Lobotomy Corporation/Library of Ruina - one-shot - 1k and counting

"Oh? Did they investigate further?"

"They tried. Found a few fingerprints, but they didn't match anyone in the database."

"What's the update, then?"

"Reports from elsewhere in the district of someone not in uniform carrying a Zwei sword. They're slippery, good at avoiding us, which would suggest Syndicate operative to me and HQ. Except that in every one of the descriptions we managed to get, our sword thief is a child."

"What? How?!"

"You tell me, Iona. You're the one who went to the crime scene."

"Right... Jeez, if it's a kid, I guess that'd explain why Petrov thought they weren't a threat..."

"My thoughts exactly. HQ has a fair amount of hearsay to go on, but nobody can quite agree on how old the child is, or whether or not she's with a Syndicate. Most agree that she appears to be a girl, tall for a child, auburn hair, clothes and demeanor typical of a Backstreets native."

"We got a name?"

"They've heard Yeri, Kali, Redbird, Suma, Aelfin... No one knows which is her real one, or if it's even any of them at all."

"Damn. ...Say, are you going to drink that entire pot of coffee?"

"Help yourself."

This is one of those stories that turned into an accidental AU when more of canon came out. The idea behind it is that it’s Kali’s backstory told entirely in conversations in which she did not participate, showcasing the fact that a Fixer’s fame is their livelihood and Kali was about as famous as they come, before the whole L Corp thing happened. Of course, the vast majority of the headcanons here got invalidated with a certain Ruina update, so my motivation’s kinda down on this one.

---

Going Back has already been talked about here!

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Ella Disenchanted - The Blackout Club - one-shot (maybe two-shot??) - 1.4k and counting

She woke. Her stomach went through a series of panicked flip-flops as she thought something strange had done it, Dad or a little-kid-nightmares shadow beast had made noise, but no - why had she fallen asleep in the first place? Her butt and shoulder were sore where they’d been leaning on the bottom and side of the windowsill, presumably all night, since the sun was full up over the trees on Old Growth Hill.

All night. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t fall asleep, but she did anyway. God dammit.

As she unfolded herself from her cramped ball, though, she froze. Under the comforter she’d pulled around her shoulders for warmth, she was wearing her gray jacket, a T-shirt, jeans, sneakers getting dried mud all over the carpet.

Last she remembered, she’d been in her pajamas.

In which a Blackout Club kid’s little sister wonders where he’s gone when he runs away to the boxcar, and tries to get to the bottom of the mystery herself. Usually she’d be too young for the club to recruit, but her investigations and an incident involving SAO are more than enough extenuating circumstance. Unlike most of my other WIPs, there’s a whole outline at the end of my doc for this one.

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Making Peace - Warframe - multi-chapter - 1.5k and counting

“I…” Iksoh finally said. “Sorna, I hope you realize. I’m not into this. I never - I’m not doing this. Whatever you’re doing, I can’t.”

“I know,” Sorna said softly. The decision tore at her heart again and she almost backed out of the vent, but no. She had to go. She wouldn’t see another innocent crumple in her rifle sights. “I hope you realize. I’m not coming back.”

Behind her, Iksoh let out a long, shaky breath. “It’s taking all I’ve got not to report you right now. Sorna… the Queens’ll have my head for this. Please, please, let it be worth it. Go. Don’t let them take yours.”

“I won’t,” Sorna promised, and meant it.

Later, after her last fight for her freedom was done, on the Steel Meridian ship headed for Kronia Relay, Sorna looked out at the planet retreating behind her and thought of Iksoh. She’d just learned a new word from a Meridian soldier: vaykor tal, the defector’s spirit. Iksoh had let her go, at risk of their own life. They’d had a bit of the vaykor tal themself, even if they hadn’t known it, even if they’d thought it was just some weakness that was bound to get them killed.

“Ranre treri, duf krun,” she whispered into space, a Grineer well-wishing passed down from sergeant to tube-fresh lancer since time immemorial. May your hands be steady, and may life be kind.

This is an AU born of me and some friends wondering why in the heck Perrin and the Meridian hate each other so much in game. It’s about a group of Kavor - Grineer defectors distinguished from other Meridian members by their pacifism - who get to a Relay and start wondering the same thing. Besides Sorna (and, later in the story, Iksoh as well), there would have been Chakh, Beket, and Sydon, plus at least four of the syndicate leaders and a bunch of side-character OCs, all caught up somehow in what turns out to be a surprisingly far-reaching web of intrigue.

The Slashed Circle - Warframe - one-shot, probably - 429 and counting

In addition to their written and spoken language, the Grineer have a full language of hand signs. It has its quirks, as all languages do - be careful of confusing it with the Corpus sign language, in which the sign for “to pay” roughly approximates the Grineer sign for...a certain portion of the male anatomy. Among these is the common Grineer sentiment against those who defect from their ranks, baked into the sign just as much as their spoken words.

The sign of the slashed circle, the sedashkur - a finger drawn in a circle on the chest, followed by a diagonal line - is the highest of taboos to any loyal Grineer. It shows support for such scum as the Kavor and Steel Meridian, enough so that it forms the basis for the Meridian’s battle standard. To sign the sedashkur is to betray your siblings, commit a grave insult to your superiors, paint a near-indelible target on your back. It is an object of hatred and fear throughout the ranks.

She fears it, yes, but she does not hate it, for all her life and into her death as well. It shouldn’t trouble her now, though. It is easy to hide a language, and she burned her journals before she was called to the fortress.

This is a fic about Jhia and her one (1) converted Kuva Lich, namely about the process of said Lich’s defeat and defection, that kinda never got off the ground. Contrary to this snippet, I think most of it would have been written in what are essentially space emails back and forth between Lich and Tenno? I definitely got as far as Jhia sending an audio recording of a bass-boosted dog fart, anyhow.

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Wake Up, Tenno - Warframe - one-shot - 950 and counting

“Wake up, Tenno.”

She wakes. She is - she is Tenno, right? She is a Tenno? Her mind is confused, so full of fog and dead ends - how long was she asleep?

The voice that woke her seems familiar. She might have loved the speaker, in her scrambled past life, the woman in the purple helmet, the one called Lotus in her HUD vision. Her surroundings are a ruin of some sort. Her body is—

...what?

She can move just fine. Her fingers and arms and legs respond with suspicious ease, given how long she must have slept to be this scattered upon waking up, and yet there’s some fundamental disconnect. This is her Warframe, her body, but it’s not her body somehow.

...wait, where did the term “Warframe” come from?

A Tenno, unnamed but intended to be Jhia on my end, wakes up on Earth at the very beginning of the in-game storyline. Since the tutorial has gotten an overhaul in recent months, I may have to modify even what little I have on this a lot.

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Midnight - Iconoclasts - poem - 280 and counting

been anything smaller than been anything

never been anything smaller than

“good morning, how’s miss grump doing today? i heard about that last mission...if you didn’t sleep well i can call you in sick, it’s alright-” “oh, shut up, grey”

there has never been anything

“oh, shut up, grey” “love you too”

smaller

“love you too”

than

A very fragmented, stream-of-consciousness-y poem meant to represent Agent Black’s failing sanity near the end of the game. The words of her famous one-liner (“there has never been anything smaller than me”) are interspersed, out of order until the end, with poetic descriptions of other characters and bits and pieces of a flashback involving Agent Grey.

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Heliotropism - Iconoclasts - one-shot - 1.1k and counting

Lily, though she’s superstitious, will have none of these self-important truths, none of these semblances of certainty when really all it is is wishing on Ivory and hoping for the best. She calls for Miss Andress instead.

A stout but severe woman with ten grandchildren and a great-grandchild on the way, Miss Andress is perhaps the quintessential matriarch: nurturing, selfless, brutally honest. She is the one the people of 17 trust when they feel they can trust no one else. Lily needs the kind of reassurance only she can give, with the authority of ninety-one years and the wisdom of two sons, one daughter, and some five dogs raised under her care.

When Miss Andress visits House 4, she asks Polro and Lily to each bring an object they cherish the most. For Polro it’s his largest wrench, pitted with use but still polished to a brassy shine; Lily surprises everyone by pulling out a tiny, unloaded stun-gun, and surprises them more by not explaining it at all. Miss Andress doesn’t question it. She just turns the two tools over and over in her hands, head bowed, squinting at them as if trying to read the secrets of the universe in the scratches carved into them by time.

Finally she straightens up and sighs, pushing a strand of silver hair behind her ear. Her forehead is slick with sweat, though the night is cool outside. “I don’t know what she’ll do,” the wise woman says, heavily, as if delivering bad news. “I just know she’ll change the world.”

Can you tell I like backstory fic? This one is for Robin, with one short anecdote for each year of her life, up to age 17 and the events of the game. It’s also an excuse to world-build a bunch, lol.

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Arrhythmia - Crypt of the NecroDancer - one-shot(?) - 4k and counting

The creature didn’t say anything, just beckoned to the shadows. Before I could move, two other creatures came for me, sending the other humans - former humans? - scrambling away in panic. One landed a hard blow on the back of my head that sent me to my hands and knees, seeing sparks; the other said “Freeze!” and I could only watch as ice sprouted from the leaf litter, cementing me to the ground.

The one who’d hit me produced a dagger from the inside of its cloak. I tried to pull myself up, to do anything at all to keep myself from getting shanked, but it was no good. There must have been a secondary effect on that spell; my limbs wouldn’t respond. I felt the dagger tear cloth in the region of my back, and prepared for the pain.

It didn’t come. The creature cut a slit in the back of my tunic, then another. Neither one touched the skin at all. I can’t really describe what happened next - my brain was having trouble computing how my arms were in front of me, visible, unable to move, but it felt like the creature was pulling them through the gashes in my tunic, but that was wrong, they didn’t feel like arms at all.

“Holy fuck,” I heard someone say.

The ice holding me down melted into nothing as the spell wore off. I jumped back up, head spinning a little, ready for another fight, only to spot two flicks of scarlet in my peripheral vision. I spun around, but they moved with me.

I think I already knew what they were. I just couldn’t admit it to myself.

You’ve already seen this one, Nick, though I’m pretty sure it was well over two years ago. It’s a pile of old headcanons, some of them now outdated I’m pretty sure, about how Nocturna ended up a vampire in the first place and a little bit about how vampire society works. According to Google Docs, I’ve been stuck on this one since March 2018. Whoops.

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untitled (working title “adult citra meets an impostor bc what is self-control”) - Among Us - one-shot - 572 and counting

“I know. You’re stuck, aren’t you?” Having well and truly gotten their full attention, Citra continues, “God, I can barely imagine. Having to take a weird-ass host whose biology might even be toxic to you, I don’t know. Needing to get to a whole other galaxy, feeling like the only way to do that is by deception and death.” “How…?”

She sighs. “I told you, this isn’t my first rodeo. One of your kind saved my life when I was a kid. Since he’d killed Mom and Dad had been out of the picture long before, he stayed here and helped raise me afterward. It’s how I learned to pronounce...a few of your words, at least.”

“You missed the ‘H’ sound.”

“Isn’t that the one that’s literally impossible to do right with Terran anatomy?”

“Maybe. You think I know Terran anatomy all that well?”

Citra chuckles. “Fair point. You let us find your buddy and fix the ship, I’ll raise Xai when we get comms back and he can try and help you get home. Deal?”

I found an Among Us comic on Tumblr, absolutely ran into left field with it to make a couple of OCs, and then made AUs of those OCs because of course I did. This one is from a future scenario in which Citra (typically orange) meets someone rather familiar on a mission with the crew of the Skeld.

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untitled (working title “library of ruina but they adopt half the guests”) - Library of Ruina - length uncertain - 1k and counting

“And what happened to not caring about others because it’s a waste of time and heartache?”

Now it’s Roland’s turn to sigh. “I don’t care about him. I just don’t want the guilt of killing - look at him, he can’t be older than eighteen or nineteen!”

Raised eyebrow. “Finn will be twenty years old in fifteen days’ time. He is a legal adult. I fail to see why this should matter to either of us.”

“He’s fresh off his first Fixer license! I have years of experience! He had no idea what he was getting into when he signed that invitation and you know it!”

Angela fixes him with a glare that turns his stomach, his freshly remade body reacting to the memory of its sudden, and extremely painful, dismemberment. “I could quite literally hold your soul in my hands if I wanted,” she reminds him in an undertone of steel. “I must do the same for him, following the invitation’s guidance, or my entire plan will be lost, my coworkers’ sacrifices all for naught. Do not disappoint me or ask any more impertinent questions. You know what to do, and what will happen if you do not.”

Look, some of the people you fight in this game deserved so much better, okay? I came up with an AU concept where if a guest willingly concedes the fight and agrees to stick around, you can get their book without killing them. Finn doesn’t die; neither do Tomerry or Shi Association; all the former employees realize exactly what’s going on with Philip after the Wedge Office fight and manage to calm him down, avoiding the whole Crying Children situation. (And then Gebura makes him collect his jaw off the floor by revealing herself as the Red Mist.)

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The one that’s a D&D world concept doesn’t have anything concrete written for it yet. (Don’t read this bit if you might want to play in my campaign at some point!) Instead of your typical Forgotten Realms planar setup, the world at large would be called the Seven Spheres, each of them different in terms of climate, geography, native species and magic, etc. The First Sphere would be the most “generic” one (to our way of thinking) and the main setting of the campaign; it would also be the smallest of the Seven, its primary continent home to a former empire of dragons that spanned most of the Sphere until its mysterious fall a thousand years ago.

Now, since the empire fell, the dragons and their children have slowly been dying out. Best estimates are that there’s only a thousand or two left in the entire First Sphere, with fewer eggs hatched every decade. The player characters enter a world with pretty typical low-level quests to start with, but every so often, especially if they engage with optional story stuff (this would be a more roleplay-focused than combat-focused campaign), they get wind of changes in the air - a failed harvest here, an unusually hot and stormy summer there, a trade war once they start hitting mid-levels.

It mimics real-world climate change in all but cause. As coastal cities struggle to contend with rising seas and, more alarmingly, wizards all over the Sphere start to notice their magic falter and wane, the PCs’ goal becomes getting to the bottom of this. And what’s at the bottom is...your typical Nerd fusion of science with fantasy settings.

The Seven Spheres are not planes of existence in the normal D&D sense, but seven planets in the same solar system, each with its own ancient god far more powerful than any god in any mortal pantheon; the First Sphere is so named because it’s closest to the sun. These planetary gods are incredibly large and incredibly alien, thinking in geologic time and concepts far too broad and slow for most sapient beings to comprehend. A thousand years ago, the fall of the dragon empire was caused by an ill-advised ritual meddling with the god of the First Sphere’s natural process of rebirth, causing said god to die without a replacement.

It’s taken this long for the First Sphere to feel the effects because, again, geologic time - a thousand years is a blink of an eye in this kind of time scale. But now the ancient earth-magic that had kept the Sphere’s climate temperate and its magicians in business is failing. The dragons, as beings of magic intrinsically, have been failing all along. And now it’s up to the PCs, up at level 17-20 if not higher by that point, to figure out how to fix the situation and find a new planetary god for the First Sphere before the whole Sphere burns to death.

#bulletnick #wow this got long #you're right i did want to talk about all of them though

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normal-thoughts-official · 5 years ago

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Ok hmmmm fake dating art school au with Malec, Claia, Lukemaryse and (platonic, obviously) garrowbane where hmmm magnus is with an ex at the start and tries setting up Luke with people

well this got really cracky really fast

okay so im gonna go ahead and say that i have no idea how art school works in the US so for the sake of My Convenience™ imma go with the way it is in Brazil, which is "there are numerous kinds of arts going on in the same institute/college"

so im thinking..... clary obviously is doing visual arts, painting, whatever its called (this is probably where i should warn you that i know nothing about visual arts). maia is not really an arts major, but she's doing a course on technical/scientific drawing since shes a biology major and that's useful for her field studies. magnus is on the same course, except hes like an engineering major really. im a slut for inventor Magnus so yeah he wants to be an engineer to develop new kinds of technology so technical drawing is important for him. meliorn (watch me slip meliorn in literally everything i can) is a theatre major, and Luke and Maryse r both studying music

Luke and Maryse r older and like idk how common that is in the US but here in Brazil some ppl (spec retired ppl) come back to college to study something they have Always Wanted To but that wouldnt bring them money. i know that the whole "no free college" thing makes that harder but they can be post-graduates i guess. or Luke is and maryse is a regular major but shes a super rich hotshot lawyer who after the divorce decided to be less stuck up and dedicate herself to things she enjoys, and since shes rich, she has the money to do a major or a music course just for fun

anyway! Magnus is the kind of guy whos friends with everyone from all ages and courses. he quickly becomes friends with maia (shes on his course after all) and meliorn (who is a theatre major but takes classes in everything they can because.... they can)

i just realized maia/meliorn has a LOT of brotp potential but ok anyway

magnus and maia bond greatly over their shared interests (yeah shes a biologist and hes an engineer but magnus' interests vary a lot and also hes a fan of biochemistry. they also have relatively similar life stories and a similar sense of humor, even if maia is sharper at the edges - which is something Magnus likes, really. she's fierce and fun and unafraid and he wishes he were more like her sometimes. they have a mutual admiration and kind of protection pact). meliorn on the other hand is kind of the local queer cryptid in a way, which of course means magnus immediately befriends him, and Maia is just delighted at how much of a trickster they are. magnus also likes meliorn a lot because they're so... chill and easy and unbothered by social conventions to the point of being nearly unaware, which makes Magnus feel so comfortable. and meliorn thinks Magnus is interesting, and they all get along.

maia kind of brings luke into the group. luke is kind of maia's adoptive uncle. she lives alone but once she ran away from home luke was super nice and helpful and also one of the ppl who most encouraged her to go after her major like she wanted

luke and maia are clearly close and have each other's backs, but they also tease each other a lot. so when one day luke teases maia over her crush on clary, she retaliates by looking DIRECTLY at meliorn and being like "he's just jealous. did you ppl know he hasnt been on a single date in years" and meliorn, who thrives on the chaos, is like "oooh we should set him up" and magnus of course jumps at the opportunity

so the three of them keep trying to set ppl up with luke, and it just ...... never works. like doesnt come even close to working. its kind of a disaster actually. its awkward, it never clicks, and at this point luke is begging them to stop but you know thats not gonna happen. so as a last resort, luke lies that he's dating a woman from class. cue him asking maryse, whom hes never talked to in his life but is the only eligible woman his age at class, to like, please do him a solid. and maryse is just so shocked by this random (but handsome) man's life, shes like. lmao sure. look shes a post-divorce woman she wants to be free and cease giving fucks

and maryse kind of has fun pretending to date luke, but she's a busy woman and she doesnt hang out with them often, and they are like [BANGING POTS AND PANS] WE WANT TO ACTUALLY MEET HER

and luke is all like "well maybe if all of yall singles got dates we could have a date together otherwise get out" so maia asks clary out purely out of spite and turns out it works, but Magnus and Meliorn are like "uuuuhhhhh,,,,,,," so meliorn is like "what if we pretend to be together lmao" and Magnus is like shit we're gonna do that aren't we

i know its not exactly Magnus having an ex but look im struggling to put all of this together okay udhdhdbd also im not big on the whole "breaking up because of someone else" trope ya feel

god this is just the setup for malec to meet, im,,,, a mess

so anyway Magnus and Meliorn are determined to totally sell this to luke (maia knows its a scam of course, she can smell bullshit from miles away). and luke and maryse are also totally determined to sell this cuz everyone is an idiot. so they keep having, like,,,,, dates together, until eventually they kind of become a solid group of friends. they all welcome maryse and are really impressed by how critical she is of her pre-divorce self and how it did wonders for her, they think shes really strong. she even shares about how she struggled with her son being gay and her daughter deciding to become a forensic pathologist instead of a lawyer like her, you know. in short they all become good friends

so now everyone (but maia and clary who are happy and drama free and laughing their butts off at Magnus and Meliorn) is in a difficult situation because now theyre all friends! what are they gonna do, confess it was a scam all along? pretend to break up and make the whole thing awkward? they're trapped in their fake dating and it looks like they're just gonna have to, like ... deal with it

and in luke and maryse's situation it's even more complicated because they are kind of getting into each other, and theyre like groaning because theyre grown ass adults they shouldn't be living this trope. and yet

anyway as they become closer they start going to maryse's (shes the only one with a large enough place) and that's when Magnus meets Alec and meliorn meets izzy

which,,,,, despair

because they had been doing a great job of fake dating so far, excuse you, they are partners in crime. they're a well oiled lying machine and they work together flawlessly. magnus is not even a good liar but shit if meliorn didnt teach him every trick on how to not technically lie, and also they are very close and the kind of ppl who are comfortable with sharing affection, so yeah they drape their arms on each others shoulders and hold hands and kiss each others cheeks NO PROBLEM but now theyre both interested in someone else

hell, theyre both interested in maryse's kids

fuck

shit

goddamn

meliorn is all like "i told you we should have pretended to have an open relationship" and Magnus is like luke KNOWS im monogamous he would KNOW we're lying and meliorn is like FUCK and maia and clary are losing their shits

meanwhile luke and maryse are becoming more and more domestic and oblivious to the world. they will b like "you kids put the movie on, we'll make dinner" and be all like fluffy asshole

izzy quickly picks up that its a scheme cuz shes smart, and flirts with meliorn when maryse isnt around, while Alec is like SHIT dude i cant believe ur into a TAKEN MAN what the fuck kind of sad gay stereotype r u

but their pull is like,,, stronk and they frequently find themselves getting lost in their own little world and lowkey flirting and just being a liiiiil too close (especially in alecs case since hes like ..... stoic extraordinaire) and then theyre like AH SHIT WAIT and they jump and pretend nothings happening

and look, izzy would tell Alec about the scam, but she's, como se dice...... having way too much fun at his expense. she and meliorn start dating on like day 1 and make a pact to see how long they can keep the act up and enjoy the show

maia and clary have eaten their combined weight in popcorn by this point

the intrigue. the chaos. the misunderstandings

it gets more and more ridiculous as time goes by but Magnus is still determined to yknow keep the act up and not expose his and meliorn's lies

they just,,,,,,, live like this

it lasts for so long

like ..... months of ridiculousness

and alec is suffering because hes into a taken man whos obviously very in love with his partner and he feels guilty and all of that shit

and magnus just.... doesnt know what to do with his predicament. look he has anxiety this was a bad idea how is he gonna walk up to Alec and b like "hey so I'm not really dating meliorn it was all a scam so we could spy on luke and ur mom but it went too far" and the more time passes the more awkward it gets

the dam probably breaks when magnus finds meliorn and izzy on a date on accident, and hes like rjrhrjrjdnc SO THEY KNOW???? and meliorn is like nah only izzy knows we wanted to see how long itd take for u and alec to get ur shit together. and magnus is like oh my god and meliorn is like "in my defense i didnt think it would take literal months!!!!!! and then it started to feel awkward to just tell you to go for it"

so magnus is like FINE i guess i will TELL ALEC and ask him if he wants to DATE ME IN SECRET so we can keep NOT HAVING TO CONFESS WE LIED TO HIS MOM

and then i guess he tells Alec???? and he still isnt sure whether or not Alec likes him so he isnt planning to ask him out immediately afterwards, just, you know, let him in on the secret, and Alec is like "dude my mom is lying too" and Magnus is like what she and luke are like married

anyway knowing about that gives them full permission to come out as lying bitches so they're like "how dare you lie to us like this.. but also we did the same thing"

eventually luke actually asks maryse out

i dont even know whats happening anymore god im done

this is your fault anon

if anyone wants to actually write this, feel free rjrhdjdn honestly id read it

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crybabiegeeks · 5 years ago

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Just got sent one of those questionnaires that are just an excuse to talk about yourself but fuck it.

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

The first one that I can remember would be a guy called Liam in year three but I’m sure there were people before that. I’m pretty sure it was because of some silly shit like he was sporty and played soccer hahaha

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life?

Every time I think of my number one regret there’s one memory that comes to mind. I’m going to hide some details because it’s too embarrassing to tell truthfully on here. When I was fifteen I was drinking in a park with friends and then did mdma. I ended up hooking up with a really SHIT guy, like honestly one of the worst people I will ever meet. It went further than that and the whole night was a complete mess I’ve never experienced again the feelings I had on that night I think its the most unsafe and anxious I’ve ever felt, being alone and drugged up with this psychotic douche bag in a park at three AM. I later found out while coming down that the dickhead had a girlfriend, not only that but his bestfriend was in love with me which caused me and him to lose our friendship. I didnt know at the time that the friend’s feelings for me were so strong and what I did really hurt him.

3. Which parent do you identify with the most?

Definitely my mum. The similarities I see between me and my dad scare me.

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best?

My pasta bake changes lives

5. If you could change your first name what would it be?

When I was a kid i always wanted to be called Lilly, I couldn’t decide now though.

6. Can you hula hoop?

Only on my arm

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people?

When I get loud and obnoxious without realising it

8. Have you considered running for president?

God no im a mess

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why?

I hate being asked what my passions are. I feel like if you dont play a music or a sport then youre just basic. I dont read heaps or get into politics or anything like that. I guess it’d be music and films but isn’t that everyone?

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why?

I’ve never thought about this before, I dont know how Im meant to pick one person because im pretty much jealous of everyone

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

This isnt the most beautiful place on earth because I have no way of knowing where that is, but my favourite spot in the world is on this rock me and my sister discovered as kids. Its near my house down on the water. Sitting there at sunset is so incredibly beautiful.

12. Are ghosts real?

Hope not

13. Are aliens real?

Hope so

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?

Dont think anything in there would be

15. What are your favorite style of underwear?

Lace cheeky ones

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard?

Off the top of my head Id say let down by radiohead

17. How about the sweetest song?

Falling slowly from the Once soundtrack

18. Do you know how to play dominoes?

Yep

19. What’s under your bed?

My box of memories from highschool

20. Have you ever prank called someone?

Yess

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths?

SLOTHS what kind of question is this

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now?

I think relatively, i finally feel like im on track with what i want to do with my life. I wish that i had a connection with someone at the moment but theres not much you can do about that hey

23. Why or why not?

I explained already

24. How many bones have you broken?

surprisingly none, torn my acl and meniscus twice however

25. Have you ever won anything? Big or small?

nothing more than concert tickets

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be?

first thing that came to mind was air pods

27. What’s your favorite movie from your childhood?

twilight, i dont know why but i can watch it over and over again

28. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

vegemite

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day?

Cigarette, cuddles, and a movie in bed

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before?

Not that I can think of

31. Would you ever adopt a child?

Definitely

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try

Skateboarding haha im so uncoordinated though and itd be extremely embarassing if i just started

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

id like to think a red velvet cupcake

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

My box of memories think the reason is a given

35. What is the most important memory you have and why?

I cant think of any big good memories that have had huge impacts on my life its mostly the bad ones that have. But thinking about it now, Im doing what i want to be doing and im relatively happy so they cant have been to bad hey

36. When was the last time you cried?

On saturday night, I was talking to my bestfriend about his mum who recently passed away.

37. How old was your mother when she had you?

thirty

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with?

tom holland

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did?

to my step sister for not trusting her, i still dont know what really happened but i wish i stuck by her i couldve made a difference in her life.

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littlemisssquiggles · 6 years ago

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RWBY Musings #65: A Tale of Love. A Squiggle Meister’s Views on the similarities between Oscar and Salem

Someone asked “ Now I love parallels too and I’ve noticed that you would like to see a rosegarden Ozma Salem hand hold. As cute as that sounds, it kinda scares me. Ozma and Salem ended in tragedy. What would happen to Ruby and Oscar 😞 “

Squiggles Answers:

I'd love to see the hand hold scene mirrored in Ruby and Oscar because it was done during a moment where Salem and Ozma reunited and re-established their love for one another.

While Salem and Ozma's romance ended in tragedy, I still adore their love story because before their whole involvement with the Gods respectfully, they both first and foremost were two young lovers who wanted more than anything just to be together forever and went above and beyond to do that even if it meant disobeying the Gods.

The true tragedy wasn't that Ozma and Salem wound up sworn enemies but mainly how much the God's intervention changed them into two people unrecognizable from who they used to be to the point where you wouldn't believe either loved the other to the point of defying both the Gods and death itself to be reunited.

The positive that I take away from the Tragic Lovers or Fairy Tale (I think that’s their ship name) romance is the unyielding devotion and strength of their love or at least what it used to be. How much Salem and Ozma were willing to go through just to be together. Salem approached the Gods to beg for Ozma to be brought back to life for her because she couldn’t stand living the rest of her days without him and Ozma only chose to return to Remnant because the God of Light told him that Salem was still alive in that world. Let’s not forget that Ozma initially refused his godly task because in his eyes, Remnant wasn’t the same or as dear to him without his beloved Salem.

This is why I like this ship so much. Before RWBY revealed Ozpin and Salem’s past together, I was gunning for them to be lovers from the get go. Hence my previous musings like this one, this one and this one. I knew their love was going to end in pain anyways but I was still banking on them being companions and lovers and what we got was even more bittersweet than what I envisioned. A brave knight who rescued a lonely maiden from her captivity and the two fell deeply in love ever after. Who wouldn’t eat that up? This squiggle meister surely would. I’m a sucker for those types of romance stories. It hurts when you think about what Ozma and Salem’s tale became in the end. But I still ship it though. Still loving that Fairy Tale.

That's what I'd love to see and can see for a potential romance between Ruby and Oscar. Not the tragedy part, of course, although let’s admit, it will be in there since time and fate will arrive to challenge the bond between these two smaller, more honest souls given one’s connection to a certain other character.

Nevertheless, what I mostly would love to see in a future RoseGarden love story (if it’s in the cards) is that that unyielding love. That strong devotion to one another’s well-being and protecting each other while fighting together for what they both believe in and the lives of the people they both care about. When I look at Ruby, her righteous heart and desire to help others actually reminds me a lot of Ozma. You would think it’d be Salem but nah. I can actually see similarities between Salem and Oscar. Oscar’s infatuation with Ruby and obvious admiration of her strength, courageousness and pure heart reminds me of how Salem used to revere Ozma. Well…at least in that one shot we got.

Another similarity between Oscar and Past Salem that I noticed is just as how Salem lived a sheltered life trapped in her lonely tower dreaming of freedom and a life beyond its uncharted walls, the same can be said for Oscar who seemingly lived a sheltered and quiet life as a farmhand back on his aunt's farm while still fantasizing of a life beyond his home in Mistral.

The key difference between Salem and Oscar is that Salem was more self-seeking; albeit as a result of her unknown upbringing and being forced to live a lonely life locked off from the rest of the world by the only family she had; whereas Oscar is selfless. While we still don’t know much more about Oscar’s past with his family beyond the few scrapings of details left from V4, one can safely assume that Oscar was well loved and taken care of by his family.

Though he was only seen to have his aunt for guardianship, from what I observed back in V4, Oscar still retained a good relationship with his Auntie Pine who took no problem in taking Oscar into his household, providing him a comfortable home where he could’ve had his own room for privacy and a warm plate of food on the table every evening for supper in exchange for Oscar working on the farm which he didn’t seem to mind. Overall, though he desired more from his life, Oscar was quite comfortable and content living with his aunt hence the reason why he wasn’t so keen on leaving at first after Ozpin’s unceremonious arrival into his life.

Unlike Salem, Oscar more or less knew and felt love before leaving his old life behind which I guess made it all the more easy for him to give it. One characteristic I’ve noticed about Salem’s personality that always shines through, even in her past self, is her selfishness---that nature about her that always puts her desires above anything else.

This is the complete opposite of Oscar. One thing I’ve noticed about Oscar’s personality is that he makes a habit of pushing aside his own feelings in place of doing what he feels is right or better, not particularly for himself but for others around him as a whole.

This is not an entirely bad trait to have. I myself, do the same thing from time to time to avoid conflict or tension with others because I don’t like conflict. Someone once asked me what I thought Oscar’s personality type might be and my first guess was a INFJ. Speaking as someone with that personality type, I see quite a few traits of an INFJ in Oscar. Although I’m still gathering as much as I can about his persona as provided in the series, I’m still sticking with my first choice of Oscar having an advocate/ counsellor type of personality because there are key examples from the show where he’s exhibited that trait. Specifically with Ruby.

Ironically, it’s Oscar’s moments with Ruby that help bring out that caring, compassionate and willing to do what he can to help others type of personality in Oscar the most. Oscar cares for others, particularly with those closest to him. Even when he’s literally backed against a wall, Oscar puts himself last in the scenario.

This is a boy who got shoved into a wall by one of his peers after being wrongfully accused in one scene and is then seen making this person and the others a hot meal after they went looking for him after he went missing in another.

Y’know, I harped a lot on V6 C9 on how they handled Oscar coming to terms with his feelings. But…y’know what? Now that I’ve had more time to think about the episode in terms of Oscar’s character, I realized that the bit with Oscar is surprisingly the most relatable thing I’ve seen in the show…at least to me.

Blake said the group needed space and that’s exactly what Oscar did. He went off on his own, let out whatever negativity he needed to get off his chest in that moment doing who knows what, came back and by the time the group found him, he was fine. All things forgiven if there was anything to forgive. Whatever lingering discomfort that Oscar might have harboured for Jaune was easily washed away when Jaune apologized and Oscar could see and hear how genuinely remorseful Jaune felt for his actions.

Though I still would’ve liked the episode to have shown how Oscar came to terms with his emotions and getting over it, I can’t be 100% mad anymore at the Writers for choosing to have Oscar adopt that attitude after the events of V6 C8…cause if it were me, I probably would’ve reacted and resolved the same way as Oscar did. I would’ve been cussing Jaune’s face in my mind for how he treated me with a face as straight as a pin but I would have forgiven him all the same after seeing how hurt he was for the things said and done and would have chosen to move on from the problem with better resolve; just as Oscar did.

I saw myself in Oscar while rewatching this moment and for that, I can’t be too mad at the writing for C9. Still mad. But not too mad. Only 65% versus the original 101%. Oscar Pine--- right in the relatability! That’s why he’s my favourite! This scene showed me how mature Oscar is for his age in how he takes in problems and decides to address them despite being the youngest of the group.

Basically what I’m saying is that Oscar is a good boy. He’s such a good boy. Too much of good boy. Sigh. Please don’t hurt my precious freckled baby boy too much CRWBY. I want him to grow up big and strong and devilishly handsome so that he can sweep Ruby off her feet and the rosebuds can get married in 5-10 years and live happily ever after on a farm or whatever plot of land they can afford wherever in New Remnant during a time when the Gods have returned, the kingdoms are at peace again, the Grimm are there but are no longer the monstrous threat they used to be so that Oscar and Ruby’s future string band of children can grow up in a world void of war and the threats of the former Salem who would have moved on to have her happy ending with Ozma at long last in the afterlife. The end.

Returning to my point on Oscar and Salem now. Just as how Ozma arrived to free Salem from her captivity, you can almost say that the same was done for Oscar when Ozpin's arrival sparked his departure from home to become a huntsman. In a way, Ozma’s presence in Salem and Oscar’s lives gave them the push they needed to take the first step towards the freedom and change they both desired.

But as I mentioned before. Though Oscar and Salem share parallels, the defining difference between them is how either values others over themselves. As much as Salem’s past with Ozma made me empathize with her as a villain, it doesn’t excuse the fact that Salem is a person who is mostly out to achieve her own desires above anyone else’s. As a matter of fact, the revelation of her past and involvement with the destruction of Remnant only affirms my point. In her past life, Salem was probably so used to looking out for herself due to her years of isolation that it sort of developed a warped sense of egocentrism (not the word I was looking for but I’ll roll with it) that later translated into her relationship with Ozma.

I'm not denying the fact that Salem loved Ozma nor am I trying to imply that her feelings for him weren’t genuine at all. On the contrary, Salem definitely loved Ozma proving that she is capable of compassion. This is one of the things that makes Salem a far more intriguing villain to me now. What I appreciate about Salem and essentially Ozpin-Ozma too is that despite that fact that both represent the sides of good and evil in show; neither are entirely what they’re supposed to represent. They actually very gray characters.

Though Ozpin is the hero and personifies light and the preservation of all life in Remnant, Ozpin has been noted to have done some shady things that otherwise painted him in a negative light as we saw most of all this volume.

The same can be said for Salem. Although she is our main villain, I’ve noted times where Salem has shown a softer, kinder, even motherly side to her to some degree. For example, her relationship with Cinder Fall in particular. Cinder is Salem’s apprentice and the way Salem treats Cinder is almost like a surrogate mother with her daughter.

I mean, Salem could have easily had Cinder killed with a snap of her finger just as she did with Lionheart and have her Maiden magic extracted and given to someone else more worthy if she so desired. We all know she has the capability to do that. So then why not do it? What reason does Salem have to keep Cinder alive especially knowing fully well how she is?

I don’t know about you guys but it reminded me of a strict parent punishing their child but still going easy on them. Still keeping a close eye on them because they know their child so well that they have full confidence that they’ll ultimately come of their senses.

That’s why Salem is leaving Cinder alone to quote, ‘toil in her isolation until she redeems herself’. She’s punishing her but at the time, Salem also knows that Cinder will come back stronger and far deadlier than she was before because of this experience and that’s what Salem wants. It’s what she expects of her perfect apprentice. Her successor.

But here’s the thing. Salem loved Ozma and in the end, she still put her own desires about even him. Even if Salem is capable of loving someone, her selfish nature always resurfaces to prevail in her endeavours.

Rather than honouring Ozma's life and allowing him to rest as the God of Light said, Salem challenged the Gods again and again until it resulted in her winding up immortal but alone; cursed to walk Remnant’s face until the world is either destroyed or Salem learnt the value of life as the God of Light had hoped she would.

Did she though? Well that fact that she’s trying to gather all Four Relics while simultaneously making plans to jumpstart a Second Great War within the kingdoms of Remnant which would throw the world into the perfect chaos to get it permanently destroyed by the Gods’ return speaks volumes of how much she still hasn’t learned her lesson yet.

Salem may have loved Ozma and the life they built together after he returned but even that was later upturned by Salem’s own selfishness. From the get go Salem has only catered more for herself and even after all these years, she still refuses to see the light of what the God of Light warned her about herself. Say what you will about the Gods. Though the Brothers are also pretty grey characters themselves, it doesn’t change the fact that there was justification behind their actions with Salem. A lesson to be learnt that’s unfortunately still being avoided.

Salem was cursed with immortality because she refused to let go of her selfishness after attempting to trick the Gods into granting her desired wish of being reunited with her lover. As the God of Light rightfully said, in the beginning, when Salem made her first attempt to revive Ozma, her motives were worth pitying. As a viewer, I felt for Salem the first time. However after her second failed attempt and watching the people of First Remnant get manipulated and killed because of her personal vendetta against the Gods, my sympathy well dried up as I started to see Salem become the antagonist I know her to be.

And what’s even more depressing and noteworthy is that even after causing all that death and chaos to Remnant, Salem still did not learn her lesson and she still hasn’t to this current timeline in RWBY. She still continues to pursue her own desires and see the lives of others as nothing more but tools to use in her pursuit of what she wants.

This brings me to the meat of my post and why I’ve been making parallels between Oscar and Salem.

I have this theory---one that I’ll delve deeper into in a future musing--- about Oscar becoming an immortal just like Salem. Hear me out on this one. What if… Oscar meets the God of Light in the Realm between Realms similar to Ozma and asks him to grant him immortality. Not because he wants to preserve his own life but for the selfless motive of him desiring to use his newfound immortality to protect the people Oscar cared about while taking on the full mantle of saving humanity from the plight of Salem and her forces without the need to force Ozma and any more unsuspecting souls after him with such a task.

Imagine if… Oscar willing sacrificed his own life to end it. End the cycle and let it start over with him alone.

Imagine if…Oscar became the last Wizard of Light. The only Wizard and the cycle resets with him as he’s turned immortal.

As I said, I plan to go more in depth with this theory soon in another musing but it’s definitely something I think could be a potential twist with Oscar’s story. I don’t want to put it as an expectation but I would love to play around with the concept of it.

I’ve seen many Pineheads worrying over Oscar being taken over by Ozpin completely or losing himself to the Merge so to counter that, I raise this possibility of Oscar essentially becoming the last reincarnate---the Last Wizard of Light as he willingly choses to dedicate the rest of his existence to stopping Salem while Ozpin, Ozma and all the other past Wizards culminated inside him over the centuries can finally be laid to rest knowing that Oscar will be the likeminded successor to carry out their legacy and mission all on his own and of his own choice as himself going forward.

If you’ve read any of my Oscar-themed musings and theories before, y’know I’ve been singing this idea of Oscar being the end to the reincarnation cycle along with him being the true reincarnate of Ozma’s original form.

I still stand very firmly by those theories because the series has set up Oscar being special---completely different from the other Wizards. The lingering question brought up in this series is whether or not Oscar will be just another one of Ozma’s lives to live out and I don’t think he will be. I believe the very fact that Ozpin reincarnated within Oscar of all people at such a young age compared to the other lives and in such a short space of time between rebirths was the first sign of how different his journey was going to be.

In the Legend of Korra series, Korra technically became the last Avatar and first Avatar in the second book. Basically the Avatar cycle sort of reset itself with Korra.

So I’d like to think Oscar will follow a similar experience where the reincarnation cycle will change with him. Oscar could symbolize the end and beginning to a new cycle. That’s why I like the concept of him becoming immortal. Instead of Ozma’s soul being reborn in the minds of different men and those souls coming together to form who we know today as the Wizard, Oscar will be the last one so that the next time Oscar dies---either he’ll die for good (meaning the God of Light strips him entirely of the reincarnation curse) or Oscar won’t die and will be reborn as himself at the last point of death or perhaps he’ll get to stay fourteen years old forever until Salem is defeated. Who knows? Overall I really love the idea of Oscar becoming an immortal just like Salem.

I mean sure Ozma had his reincarnation curse but technically his immortality wasn’t the same as Salem’s. Jinn did allude to Salem, quote, ‘meeting her adversary in time’. Of course, at the moment of revelation, the obvious assumption to that for me was Ozma since he’s the one we know is Salem’s main opponent.

However…Ozma once shared a relationship with Salem. He had a past with her. He loved her and I’d like to think that love is still there buried deep within. I don’t want to say that Ozma’s love for Salem has been his crutch but that little titbit is starting to make me wonder that perhaps…the true adversary that Salem was supposed to have wasn’t Ozma or any of the Wizards after him. It was Oscar.

For all we know, what if…Ozma and the other incarnates were just another experiment conducted by the God of Light similar to how he said Remnant was an experiment for him and his brother to learn from.

Imagine if… Light basically used Ozma and the other Wizards as guinea pigs in his formation of the perfect adversary for Salem---one the Gods believed could truly achieve what his successors could not. Defeat Salem once and for all and undo their mistake of the past. That could be an intriguing twist too. It does paint the Gods in a very heartless light more so than the actual canon did unfortunately but still worth tossing out as a theory y’know.

But yeah, that’s the theory I’m working with for now.

Returning to the original point of this response post, I know I’m hoping for Ruby and Oscar’s love to parallel Ozma and Salem in some ways but not all parallels have to end the same. Just because Ozma and Salem’s love ended in tragedy doesn’t mean that the same will befall Ruby and Oscar for their potential love story.

If Oscar and Ruby were to fall in love, I’d love to believe their love will be different. It’ll probably have its own fair share of harsh challenges particularly the ones stirred by Salem but it will be a different story with a much better end. A happier ending than the Fairy Tale lovers.

Y’know what’s ironic and what would best summarize my answer to this post. It was Ozma and Salem’s love that admittedly brought about the end of humanity in a way when you think about it. All the more reason for me to believe that it’ll be the love between Oscar and Ruby that will save the world. The relationship to blossom between them, the love and devotion they’ll come to share for each other and the people they care about---that’s what’ll save both Remnant and Salem from damnation.

I know it sounds cheesy but I do love me a good plate of cheese in romance.

More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#squiggles answers: rwby #oscar pine #ruby rose #oscar and ruby #rwby rosegarden #ozma and salem #rwby fairy tale #rwby theories #rwby volume 6 spoilers #rwby musings

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abstracttheworld · 5 years ago

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they dont use tumblr really so i should be okay to vent here.

im really not okay. for the first time in YEARS and technically EVER i met someone and felt legit real like. THINGS. Good things, the goddamn best things. I was happy, like stupidly giddy excitably heart a flutter happy.

and obviously by this dramatic preface-it all came crashing down.

i kind of knew? that something was wrong. they seemed distant, didnt respond the same way that they used to before we met. something felt wrong and i just tried to ignore it. chock it up to insecurity and anxiety. turns out my anxiety was right. they didn’t feel the same way.

i don’t blame them like at all? I’m not angry. I’m just heartbroken. It felt way too soon to have the tip of the word love on my tongue but thar she blew, and i kept batting it away because it was too much too soon. i guess it doesnt matter now.

i chose a really bad night to not take my meds.

tldr: they said they just dont feel the romantic spark like they thought they would. That they aren’t as pan as they thought and seem to just not like women like they expected to. their first answer was that they just needed time to adjust to seeing 3 people (theyre poly) and feel out our relationship. im not saying they were lying, they clearly werent expecting this reaction either. but even then my insides tried to press that something was wrong.

now i wish i had trusted them, called it off again before we even started. before i even entertained more.

my headhurts and my eyes sting from crying and textures feel wrong probably because im not okay.

i still want to make jokes? at least this saves me the trouble of having to admit to mom that im probably poly to her and explain my other main love interest. tho this still means i have to tell her at some point that things didnt work out. all i can think to do is just preface it with that she is to not make a single damn call about like “its because theyre poly or because theyre they or because theyre queer” i just dont wanna fucking hear it. i just want to be upset and have someone comfort me.

yknow what fucking sucks the most right now tho??? is that the comfort i want most right now is theirs. its not like my little fanasy distractions were ever considered bad exactly, but i did kinda wonder if maybe they were more fueled by romantic loneliness than i wanted to admit. now i just. idk. i feel numb. romantically at least. which isnt good!! i still have this wonderful girl thats been so patiently listening to me while i gush about them because i was in the fresh throws of seeing someone in person and FEELING something.

i was so scared i would get there and feel nothing and just do another “yolo” like i did before, end up unhappy while i tried to convince myself itd just take time for romantic jives to get going in me. turns out the turns were tabled!!!

i cant tell if my want to bury this shit under jokes is helpful or hurtful to myself. if i just laugh it off and try to pretend i was never invested, not even for a second.

at least i dont have to budget another visit! At least if depo turns out to be not great for my body i can just get off it! at least now i can play with those condoms i bought and not worry! lauigh and look on the bright side, its a good thing right?

i know i need to get rid of their pictures. i already got rid of the digital ones- ill ask them to delete mine later. along with asking if i should just mail the booty toys to their partner, since i wont be needing them. i guess this saves me the trouble of finding out if im still grossed out by anal? sidetracked- i took polaroids of them. of us? and the idea of throwing them away is KILLING me. i still fucking love them. there!! i said it!! im p sure i was at least on my way to loving them or being in love or w/e and now i gotta let go and it fucking SUCKS!!! i cant even be angry because!! i fucking love them!!! and i hate it!! i want to crawl back inside my nice safe little corner of “i dont need anyone” but i know its not true and i know it felt so good to just. HAVE someone, for sure. “for sure”.

anyway the point was that i need to get rid of their photos, because all its going to do is make me miss them- miss what i thought we were. but im fucking dying about it. but i cant let go and get over it if i dont, i know. ill just end up looking at them again or finding them later and getting heartbroken all over again.

romance is such a goddamn risk i fucking HATE IT but when its good it FEELS SO GOOD. i guess thats that whole “better to have loved and lost thatn never to have loved at all” thing huh??

i just. i dont know. love fucking hurts.

#ooc

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karak9 · 6 years ago

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Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

#Trans #nonbinary #nb #genderqueer #gender questioning #transmed #pls help me lmao I hate my brain sm #also im so sorry if this post is scuffed af #im on mobile #its 4 am I cba

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