#and to ask if the phase im using makes sense

[luvyeni]

I LOVE YOU ,, 서창빈

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ boyfriend!changbin x fem!reader wc. 1.5k

genre. smut , angst

𓄷 includes ... oral ( fem receiving ) , unprotected sex , binnie kinda rough

request. changbin, miscommunication/lack of communication on both ends, it’s a newer relationship, reader overhears changbin being rather rude talking about someone and reader assumes it’s about them, which leads to reader being closed off and the angsty part, but they make up bc changbin is determined to fuck some sense into reader

「 authors note 𖹭 」 i hope you like it , miscommunication trope isn't my best suit.

❪ masterlist! ❫

you wer under the impression that you and your boyfriend were doing good; you'd been in a relationship for about 5 months now and sure you had a few insecurities; but changbin always said they didn't bother him and that he'd help you through it. you thought he was perfect, that you were still in the honeymoon phase— you wouldn't be meeting his friends at a party if you didn't plan on being with him for a long time.

so you could imagine the heartbreak you felt when you excused yourself to use the bathroom; only to return to hear your boyfriend talking about you; and not in the good way you'd hope. “they're so annoying, i told them not to come.” he said. “don't say anything when she comes back, she's just gonna get upset?”

you wanted to cry; you wanted to go home, you wanted to hit him over and over again until he felt the same way you did, felt the hurt you did. “yn did you find the bathroom?” chan asked , you nodded sitting down on the couch. “here baby.” the man you swore was your boyfriend handed you a drink , you pushed it away , shaking your head. “i don't want it.”

changbin was confused; this was something you normally drank, why didn't you want it? “i’ll go get you something else then.” you turned away from him, he got up, making his way to chans kitchen. “changbin is that you?” he internally sighed at the voice. “i've been looking for you all night.”

“i told you not to.” he said , the girl smiled. “c'mon binnie , you know you still miss me.” he rolled his eyes. “no i don't, i actually told you not to come.” her hand come up to his bicep. “i know your girlfriend isn't doing it right.” he felt himself getting angry, how dare she talk about you in such a way. “changbin?”

he pushed the girl away from him, turning to you. “baby.” he said. “is this why you didn't want me to come?” you scoffed. “so you fuck around with other girls?” he didn't know what you were saying, he invited you. “yn listen let's not make a scene.” he said. “let's go upstairs and talk?” you weren't having any of it. “take me home.” you turned away from him, walking to the door.

changbin barely had time to say goodbye to his friends, grabbing both your jackets, running after you. “can you slow down and just let me talk?” you turn to him with a huff “open the door.” you said coldly. “now.”

the ride back home consisted of him trying to talk and you telling him to fuck off; looking out the window until you got home, you got out of the car, slamming the door, not even bothering to wait for him as you went up to the apartment. “will you please just listen?”

“if you want to break up then go ahead.” you said flatly. “what, I don't want to break up, why are you saying this?” he said , following you into your bedroom. “oh really so you just tell people im annoying and you let pretty girls feel you up while I'm there for fun?” you began to pack all your things. “i’m leaving.”

he stood there trying to put it all together; until it clicked. “you heard what i said?” you scoffed. “yeah, i did.” you picked up your bag. “i'm leaving.” you walked past him, he grabbed your arm to stop him. “let me go.” he didn't listen, holding you. “no, you're gonna listen,” he said. “i wasn't talking about you.”

“yeah sure.” you scoffed. “i wasn't, i was talking about my ex, the girl who you saw touching me, i was talking about her , not you.” he said. “so you just let her touch you like that?” he shook his head. “i was about to push her away when you came over.” he was gently holding your wrist now. “you told them not to say anything when i came over , i heard you, what were you trying to hide?”

“i didn't want you to know , cause i didn't want you to be upset that she was there.” he grabbed the side of your face. “is that why you were upset?” he caressed your cheek, you nodded. “why? i told you before, there's nothing to get upset about, i love you.” he kissed your lips softly, pulling away, pressing his forehead against yours. “i wanted to hit you.”

he smiled. “you did?” you nodded. “you made me so mad.” he kissed your lips again, this time with much more hunger, you whimpered against his lips, he pressed you against the wall. “how many times to i have to prove my love to you before these insecurities go away baby, i'm here for the long run.” he lifted you against the wall. “do i need to fuck some sense into you for you to understand?” he lifted your shirt up and above your head throwing it, your skin was hot against his. “i guess that's what i have to do.” he smirked.

he walked you over to the bed; gently tossing you on the bed, ridding himself of his pants and shirt, climbing into the bed with you. “let's get you out of this.” he pulled your skirt down, leaving you in your bra and panties. “perfect.”

he wrapped your legs around his waist , kissing down your stomach. “b-binnie.” you moaned as he kissed your sweet spots on your stomach. “i’ve barely touched you and you're moaning my name.” he pulled down your panties. “this pretty pussy, i must be neglecting her so much haven't i?” he kissed your cunt. “made my baby feel insecure?” he licked your cunt. “fuck binnie.”

you yanked at his hair, pushing his head further into your cunt, grinding your hips up. he always ate you out like it was first thing he'd eaten in a while, he loved to get messy, the taste of your sweet pussy dripping on to his tongue, it was adding; he loved you, but he probably loved eating your pussy just a much.

“fuck binnie im gonna cum.” moaned, his hummed against your folds, holding your thighs open as you came, you desperately tried to pull his head away from your sticky folds. “binnie.” he hovered over the body, toying with your clit with his thumb. “you want me inside you pretty?” you nodded. “please binnie, i need it.”

he cursed, cock twitching in his underwear. “you need me baby?” he said, “you weren't acting like that earlier.” he gritted through his teeth. “ignoring me when i was talking to you, you think you deserve my cock baby?” you whimpered. “i-i'm sorry binnie.” tears wielding in your eyes. “you sorry pretty?” lining his fat cock with your entrance. “i can't say no to my pretty baby.”

he pushed his cock inside you. “fuck.” he groaned as you opened up, allowing him to push himself further inside your warm cunt, until he felt his tip bumping against your cervix. “so tight baby.” he pulled out, slamming back in , you moaned out in pleasure. “binnie!”

he lifted your hips up; fucking into you. “i told you over and over.” he cursed, sweat running down his forehead. “i love you and i would do anything for you.” he moaned. “and you don't listen.” he hit that one spot that had you seeing stars. “guess you don't really listen unless my cock is inside you baby do you?”

he fucking into like he had something to prove; he wanted to feel how much he loved you, and what you did to him. “fuck gonna go deeper baby.” he held your legs pushing them up into your chest, basically folding you in half as he stuffed cock into your, hitting a ever deeper angle. “yeah, fuck feel how deep i baby?” he cursed. “stretching your pussy out.”

“fuck binnie.” you screamed. “i'm gonna cum!” he stopped moving. “not until you tell me you love me.” he whispered into your ear. “binnie please.” you whined , your orgasm slowly disappearing. “baby.” he slowly grinded his hips, but it wasn't enough. “just say it baby and you can cum as much as you want on my cock.”

“i-i love you.” you stuttered out, he smiled. “i love you too.” he started his movements up again, he leaned in kissing your lips, red from biting them too much. “cum for me baby.” he felt you clenching around his cock. “binnie fuck!” your orgasm triggering his. “gonna cum baby , where can i cum?” you moaned out. “i-inside.”

he hissed, thrust becoming sloppy as he came inside you, his warm seed covering your insides, you sighed as he pulled out , his cum slipping outside of your hole, making him hard all over again. “think this pretty pussy can give me one more round?”

“you do know that i love you right?” he said after he finished massaging your body, climbing into the bed, hold you close to him. “you don't understand how much i love you.” he kissed the side of your head.

“and i’ll spend everyday proving it to you, even if i have to fuck it into you every single night.”

©LUVYENI

[amurotoorudesu]

just a sagau genshin abt the newest banner (geo & hydro dragon my love) (the creator is self insert) LOTS OF OOC

a/n : written in rush cuz i randomly think abt this after knewing next phase banner and i hope i got both of them, i was gonna added about how i forgot ayato & childe exist when i planning on which dps from each vision should i pull, but they make no sense so i didnt include it.

"I didnt mean to look down on your choice, Your Grace. But, didnt your cousin says itll be better just to pull me...?"

You look at Zhongli with the most unserious, more like silly face, thinking about hes actually jealous of your choice on pulling for Neuvillette.

While it's true you need his shield and he would be the first Geo 5 star you have, but who wouldnt want a hydro dragon pure water tester PLUS a water machine gun to pew pew those enemies!

And more better? You have an unbuild Furina too!

"But my cousin also says he would comeback to genshin to pull for Nupi!"

If Zhongli able to curse, he will.

when will you also gave him a cute, silly lil nickname to him too?

"But like, Your Grace—"

"Shhsshhh"

You quickly shut him, putting your own finger on his lips, making a small blush creep onto the Geo Archon.

Zhongli can feel the side eye Neuvillette gave him as the Hydro dragon sips on his pure water.

"But, Your—"

Seriously, you never saw this version of him thats cant control his own usual calm demeanor, but the version you see is the impatient and insists that his opinion is the best.

Not like he's wrong though.

You put your own finger on you lips now and did a mewing pose, kinda making those two old dragon sigh.

whats wrong with this generation...

"Zhongli, hear me out. Nupi is a nuke, or else should i say Nukelet? Thats suit you isnt it?"

Neuvillette sighed again, but he didnt hide his chuckle about his Creator giving him more silly nickname.

"Pardon me, Your Grace. While it doesn't matter to me that you call me that, but I'm a dragon, not a nuke. I dont boom myself"

"But youre a boomer."

"Was that supposed to be a joke?"

"No."

Back to Zhongli. Hes still thinking countless reason about why you should pull for him.

I mean, his material is easier to get (even if youre the Creator and couldve just easily get everything you want), his talent is useful (SHIELD??? BIG PILLARS???? THROWING BIG ROCKS TO THE ENEMIES?????), he got many fans (BUT ITLL BE USELESS IF HIS CREATOR DIDNT WANT TO PULL HIM), he got many fanfics (HE KNEW YOU LIKE TO READ THEM AND HE WILL HACK THE TUMBLR TO SHOWS UP MANY FANFICS ABOUT HIM ON YOUR DASHBOARD BUT EXCLUDING THE HURT/NO COMFORT BCS HE KNEW YOU DESPISE THEM)

But then he come to a conclusion, as he clapped his hand.

"Your Grace, if Sir Neuvillette have Furina on your team, what about Xiao?"

Fuck he was right. WHAT ABOUT YOUR XIAO????? HE NEED HIS FATHER FIGURE!!!!

"Youve got a point..." you pose like the trade offer meme.

"So, who should i choose now? is it you, Sir Zhongli, or is it you, Monsieur Neuvillette?"

"Uhm, pardon me but, why dont you just get us?" ask Neuvillette, putting his cup on the table.

"Dont you think itll be better, Your Grace? You get two dragons and you also have their companions on your team."

"Monsieur, i dont have that kind of money. Im still in high school, heck, a boarding school! Even if i have guaranteed now, i dont think i can."

"But our banner started on your holidays..."

"Ok now you got another point"

"So, what you gonna do?"

"I'll take two dragon, please"

Perhaps Zhongli should thank Neuvillette for his suggestion.

------------------------------------------------------

another a/n : i post this cuz im at my home, suffering from another sudden sickness (i keep getting nauseous and vomiting plus a bad fever & headache but idk what causes them can anyone tell me 😭) also i have a tooth extraction scheduled on Monday so yeah... wished my future self a good luck

[tteokdoroki]

imagine if your bestfriend katsuki was really babyfaced until he hit his 20’s. total late bloomer, aure he went through puberty but his body looked like it had never gotten out of the awkward teen boy phase look!

so, anyways maybe you travel back him for some family time, gone for maybe 3-4 months. Katsuki had already looked really mature, he just had some baby fat, and you teased him, because in your words he still looked like he did when he was 5.

now you’ve come back, and boy, has katsuki grown. you and the group go out on the town, and when you see katsuki he has grown in height, build, and his face is now chiseled. and you cant believe your eyes. the whole night you can’t stop staring, seeing your bestfriend in a new light.

(sorry if this makes no sense im running on a low brain battery lol!)

kissing your brain actually absolutely just smooching it ??

growing up with katsuki and he’s just the kid you guys picked on ever so slightly cause it was easy to get on his nerves — he’d just run home and cry. definitely a mamas boy LMAO !! but you’re both so cute, with gaps in your teeth and messy cheeks and your parents think you’re gonna end up together when you grow up. katsuki thinks that’s gross and you think he’s being mean n you push each other away like ewww grosss even though you were probably crushing on each other back then.

when you’re a little older katsuki is still baby faced and his mom always pinches his cheeks and calls him handsome and does that thing mom’s do where they lick their thumb and use it to wipe their kids face. PLEASE but katsuki is still so cute n hasn’t quite grown into himself yet :(( and when you start hitting 13/14 everyone is talking about the boys they like and who they wanna go to the movies with after school — he doesn’t think you’ll wanna go out with him because you’re best friends and he doesn’t look like the guys in your teen pop magazines or the boy groups you like.

stop he has like braces, he’s a little lanky and his voice is always cracking !!! awkward teen boy katsuki for the win!!! he probably stays like that all the way through high school n then you end up losing touch after graduation/starting college.

but then a few years down the line when you’re back from college your friends are begging you to come to a local bar to catch up — you ask if katsuki will be there and they won’t stop teasing you about it because you haven’t seen each other in ages !! laughing and pointing when he rolls in with your other guy friends, taller, thicker more buff. you’re practically drooling.

the katsuki you knew was shy, and small if he wanted to be but this katsuki is loud. he fills the whole room with his presence, he’s got a waistline that could kill and a jawline so sharp you could cut diamonds on it.

“didn’t your ma ever tell ya starin’ is rude?” bakugou mumbles when he’s close enough to order a drink and you literally melt in your spot — because when did his voice get so deep? basically running through your ears like melted chocolate.

“you’ve changed.” you quip.

“for the better, i hope?”

“yeah… you look good.”

“and so do you,” he comments back smoothly. “but don’cha worry, ‘m still your same old katsuki.”

and god, the way he smirks at you afterwards makes your thighs shake and your stomach do back flips, and you kinda hope your katsuki is a little bolder, a little different when you ask him.

“do you wanna get out of here, katsuki?”

your suspicions are confirmed when bakugou kicks back his shot and says.

“i thought you’d never ask.”

[bepp-ers]

sorry for vanishing on yall i went to take a nap (for like 9 months)

headcanons about the obey me! brothers and the devildom that no-one asked for, in no particular order. because why not :)

> asmodeus is kind of against piercings that aren't in the ear because they're 'tacky' and unsavoury.

> mammon had an aeroplane phase. he eventually settled on cars, but there are still a few plane magazines stashed in his wardrobe.

> lucifer has grey hair but like. way more than you'd think. he's just really good at hiding it. he may or may not have used some sort of magic to hide it, until eventually he gives up and starts to let it show. that's why in some artwork/pictures he has grey streaks, and in some he has none.

> beelzebub has tried to eat so many of the paintings in the HoL that they have to be sealed with magic, lest he devour another family portrait.

> barbatos' tail is "slimy" or "slick" because it's actually poisonous, like those frogs. that's why he doesn't like people touching it, except for that one picture where Solomon tries to touch it (i reckon he got tired of him trying to touch it so he just allows him to be poisoned lmao)

> demons will eat humans. this is a known fact, although it's usually only very low-level demons who are starving, or have succumbed to their sins completely who eat humans. beelzebub has thought about it a few times but he likes MC far too much to truly consider eating them.

> expanding on the last point, the Devildom is overpopulated. im calling it. i headcanon that demons (particularly glutton demons) casually partake in cannibalism. there are too many demons/other species and as such, the laws basically don't exist. the answer to overpopulation is basically murder, or cannibalism.

> the brothers don't try and tone down the more "demon" elements of themselves around MC until someone mentions that humans don't really like that kind of thing. MC has seen some SHIT man.

> leviathan refuses to eat fish or seafood because of Henry 2.0. mammon has 100% tricked him into eating like a fishcake or something. he definitely cried a lot that day.

> i think all of the brothers snore, except for belphegor (ironic huh). asmodeus adamantly denies snoring, but he does. mammon snores the loudest obviously. everyone else just snores a normal amount, and lucifer falls asleep in his chair/on the sofa a lot so his snoring is heard the most. he's a dad at heart.

> satan hates that people mistake him for lucifer. that's obvious. he hates it so much that he once wrote a book on the subject, under a pen name, and it was surprisingly popular. he doesn't think anyone knows he wrote it, but lucifer knows. he simply never said anything because he was secretly proud of satan for how well he could write.

hopefully these make sense. god i forgot just how much this game actually made me think. i love world building yarhhhhggh

> asmodeus is deathly afraid of head lice. that's it that's the headcanon.

oh yeah the ole ask box is open. send me asks im so desperate ill take anything

[catjest3r]

i dont think ive ever done this before, accept my sloppy 20 min explanation + bonus notes below!! (feel free to ask follow ups! this is just my pose/skeleton style, I wasn't sure which part you wanted help with :x)

⚠️THIS IS NOT A DO/DONT GUIDE AND IS BASED ONLY ON HOW I PERSONALLY DRAW!!!⚠️

these days i usually look for references or at least inspiration for poses on pinterest, which can be broken down to whatever kind of "skeleton" youre comfortable with!! this is how i draw mine :3

i go for a blocky head that i shape out AFTER the face is added, so i can reference where the eyes and mouth are for the cheek placement

i block out the ribcage, torso, and pelvis, the legs usually have to be adjusted a lot with lasso/transform tools bc they start to skew right most of the time xD i use those a lot in the sketch phase, if youre drawing digitally, take advantage of this!!!

important things to note!!

-thighs/calves are usually rounder on the top! ankles and knees are typically the thinnest point (i can do a separate tut for fat if anyone wants!)

-arms are curvy too, i'll admit this example is drawn a bit hastily so its not a great example, but typically the forearm and back of arm(?) are flat and the opposite side will "pop out"

-tails are harder than expected tbh, posing a tail can be difficult! drawing a tail bone is a must for me, thin tails are like tubes, fluffier tails like wolves are a bit easier! padding with fluff makes everything look better bc you can cover up any parts that look kinda "off" xD

-i dont differentiate "male" or "female" figures, just build and vibes. id rather be told directly where a character holds their weight, if they have breasts or not, etc. blocky vs curvy tutorials you will always be infamous (bad)

i have no idea if this makes any sense so feel free to ask more!! im really happy a beginner would come to me for advice... ;; good luck!!

[pedge-page]

I can imagine preggo wife literally talking and talking and talking in the middle of a movie and gets offended and leaves when Joel tells her to quiet down

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife : Yapper

notes: Oh I had fun writing this! no warnings (maybe some Fugitive and Raiders spoilers), Enjoy!

- - - -

Joel’s pretty excited for movie night. It’s one of the few films the two of you don’t argue over and can pretty much watch the entire way through without disruption.

Or at least, it used to be.

Joel settles against the couch armrest with his feet propped up, knees bent slightly so you have room to sit in front. He’s got any snack you could think of within an arm reach away, and he’s got the title on pause so you can scooch your fat booty and big belly comfortably. Usually takes about 15 minutes of squirming, smacking his chest to “fluff” it up, adding a pillow at his crotch, then taking it away because you like his hard cock there instead, elbow in his groin and then his knee, then you gotta get up to pee before starting the whole process over.

“OK Im ready!” You say after 15 minutes on the dot, snuggling close to him with the back of your head rested against the crook of his neck.

He finally hits play, and the Lucasfilm logo flashes across the screen. The tropical forest and ominous music plays as the familiar font of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark fade on to the screen.

“Joel. Joel. Hey Joel.” 

“Y-yes?”

“Did you know Indiana was named after George Lucas dog? Who also was the physical inspiration for chewy?” You ask  rhetorically. 

It takes him a second to understand you’re asking him a question. “What?”

“Chewbacca! From Star Wars!”

“Oh ok neat,” he says with some enthusiasm, but quick to end it and get back to watching the movie—

“Yeah also Sean Connery is also apparently—well guess how much older he is to Harrison Ford.”

“Um—I don’t—I don’t know.” Joel says slowly, watching as Indy carefully removes the sand from the pouch and weighs it to the gold idol.

“C’mon, guess!”

“I really don’t know, can we—“

“12 years older than Harrison in Last Crusade! My mom was like ‘WHAT no way’ and I was like ‘Yes way’ and she was like ‘He's his father and he's got all that white in his hair and receding hairline’ and I was like ‘Joel's only in his late 30s and he's got white in his beard.’”

Joel can’t hear a damn thing happening on screen except the shouts about hating a pet snake named Reggie. “Wha—“

“Not that you look anything like Sean Connery in Last Crusade. Maybe in like Bond —oof he was the hottest Bond. Plus you got like a receding beard-line with all the patches, I don’t know, but my mom was like ‘Ya know Joel's got more white hair lately since you've been pregnant’ and I was like ‘Nah uh’ and she was like ‘Ya huh’ and I was like ‘Huh I wonder why that is…?’ Anyway but nope only 12 years between him and Ford—“

Joel turns to look at you with a frown, a bit confused and amazed at how you have so much to say, right now, oblivious as ever. 

It doesn’t phase your rambling one bit: “—Like damn, but you know Harrison Ford has always been handsome. But like in the bad boy kind of way, not like handsome upstanding like Christopher Reeves? When I saw The Fugitive, I was like ‘oooohhhh I'll be his wife now’ hahaha! no no I’m sorry, he’s famous and I’m not so that’s why I married you, but that's such a fall film don't you think? Minus the murder and betrayal and fucking Dr Charles Nickles like was he British or not? He was in and out of an accent the whole time? Didn't make sense to me but yeah, it's just such a fall Cozy film.”

Joel looks back at the screen and realizes Marion is already being cornered by the Nazi creep: “Ah huh—honey—“

“OH! I Love her song! It’s kind of like Leia and Han’s from Empire except the last notes are different, like it goes do doooooo instead of da dat dada daaaaaaa, That’s just John William’s for ya, but you’d never notice they were so similar!”

Joel opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out as you continue:

“—Also I know you said my mom made good apple pie but I really wanna try to make it because I want you to like mine more, so I need you to get some apples and pie crust and butter and stuff from the store, I’ll make a list so you can get it. They said we need ground cinnamon but I think ours expired like 5 years ago so don’t forget that. And then I'm gonna tell you how to slice the apples since I can't handle sharp objects and then oh I need you to get the mixer from the top shelf and then you have to mix it all together and slice the top with like little heart patterns and then put it in the oven n stuff ‘cause it's hot and I don't wanna burn OH and that reminds me—!” 

“BABE!”

“Hmm? yes?” You ask with a innocent smile. 

“Let's try to be quiet and watch the movie ok?”

He offers a gentle smile and nods, pointing towards the TV again and settling to watch it with his beautiful wife.

His very very very unhappy wife. Your eyes haven’t left his, face now downturned in such a scowl, he should be shitting his pants.

You roll your jaw at him once, teeth grinding against one another with slitted, murderous eyes. Joel gulps, too afraid to glance back at you again. His eyes are wide staring at the commotion on the television but, now in your deadly silence, he can’t seen to focus on it at all. 

Instead of saying anything, you roll polly up to your feet, arms crossed over your chest defensively as you utter a loud “Hmph!” before storming away from the living room.

He’ll have to deal with groveling tomorrow morning when you might be a little more welcoming. But on the bright side, he’s got way more room to spread out on the couch and he can hear the movie much better now! 

......... 

He switches it off and runs upstairs to get on his knees by your side of the bed, begging for your forgiveness and promises of a Clyde's milkshake to go. 

- - - -

Permanent Taglist

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[reidmania]

sharpest tool | s.reid

(chapter nine, decode)

‘but now I wonder why, I let your confusion keep me up at night, I'm so tired. Re-read every single undertone and I overanalyzed it, front, back, and beside it, where else can we go? there's nothing left here to decode. Done lookin' for signs in the gaps and the silence. It's just getting old, there's nothing left here to decode’

summary; you await the regret, but it’s welcome seems to be postponed by spencer and hormones.

warnings; smut, 18+ MDNI. fem reader, mentions of ghosting, arguing, they are so messy angst, oral, f receiving, fingering, slight overstimulation, overwhelmed reader, comforting spencer, mentions alcohol but nobody is drunk, reader had half a drink but is completely and utterly in her right mind guys, everybody is in their right mind, SOFT dom spencer, really sad bc its them, mentions reader having a whore phase, which makes sense cause she was single for a while before spencer guys!!!!!

taglist; @gghostwriter @lavonee @guiltyyassin @spencersinonlygf @criminalmindssworld @iknwreid @fortheloveofgubler @yokaimoon @sapphirecobalt-1 @eddiesdrummergf @livvyliv15 @lover-of-books-and-tea @sebastiansstanswhore @bloodredrubyrose @sp3ncelle @nemobee777 @jencole214 @hazzarules s @ameerakane20 @lucere @cultish-corner @psyches-reid

When you suggested Spencer taking you back to his house, it was safe to say it was purely an emotional and hormone based decision. He was there, and you missed him. Now sitting on his sofa your body seemed to hold every ounce of realisation, that you were seriously really embarrassing yourself right now.

You were disappointed, simply. In your emotional decision, that you were allowing him back, maybe not emotionally, definitely not emotionally, but physically. He didn’t deserve the right to you in any way, thankfully you cared more about him knowing your mind, than seeing your body.

You were sure if you convinced yourself this was just another meaningless hookup on a friday night after a long day, you could pretend that you weren’t planning on having sex with the one person that you swore you’d never let get close to you again.

Maybe it was a punishment for him, that he would get to know you physically, and thats all. Your connection now would be physical. He wanted more, or he did before when he asked you out and worked his way into building your trust, only to have broken it.

Maybe it was a punishment for you.

Maybe this was a lesson you really just had to learn the hard way, time after time again.

“Do you want coffee?” Spencer asked, your head turned to look over your shoulder, eyebrows pulled in, confusion washing over you. You weren’t here for coffee, you weren’t here to just hang out with him, to spend the night with him, you were here for..

Something, you didn’t know.

Maybe sexual relief, maybe self sabotage because the hurt he provided was the most of him you could get. You weren’t sure. Maybe you hoped that if you had sex he would tell you why he suddenly switched up on you.

Or maybe you just wanted to have sex with him.

“No.” You answered, standing up from the couch, your feet found themselves walking to the kitchen where he was. His home layout engraved in your mind because of the amount of time you had spent there. It used to be a second home filled with warmth and laughter, now it felt like different. In the same way things between you and him felt different.

You saw his back first when you stopped in the open doorway of his kitchen, he obviously noticed your presence and turned around, leaning his hip against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. “Whats wrong?” He asked, eyebrows pinched as he noticed the look on your face.

You huffed, “Im confused.”

He frowned, stepping closer till he was in front of you. It was awkward, yet any regret of the decision you had made subsided when your eyes flickered down to his hands, as he clenched and unclenched his fists, obviously dealing with the tension much like you were.

“I know— I’m sorry, I want to tell you-”

a huff left your lips, shaking your head, you groaned, “Not about that- Well yes about that- But- Not right- okay. Twenty minutes ago you were asking me if you could kiss me after ghosting me for over a month with no explanation, and now i’m in your house, to have sex with you and you’re offering to make me coffee?”

Maybe it was more embarrassing in the way you explained it, or maybe it was really just that embarrassing. You didn’t care, that was something you could deal with when you were home, dealing with the similar amount of regret that would come.

He seemed to find it amusing, that made you mad, not any less attracted to him right now, but much more annoyed. “Im trying to make you feel comfortable.” Despite his amusement he was honest and genuine when he leant a little closer to you.

Of course he was, he was good at that, making you feel comfortable, safe, secure. You had to remind yourself that no matter how comfortable you felt, this was an emotional decision, thats all it was, it was because you were horny, not because you were going to let him back in.

“I don’t want to be comfortable. I thought you bought me here to have sex.” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

He raised his eyebrows, “You asked me to bring you here.” He pointed out.

“Because I thought you wanted to have sex!”

“Okay, alright. Gosh. Someone is needy.” He mumbled as he stepped closer, and you were trying to be nice for the sake of getting what you wanted, you were trying to be civil for the sake of your sex life (and the lack of it in the last few months), but the glare that followed his words was inevitable.

“Spencer, I will go home right now and I swear to god I will never talk to you again.” Maybe it would be sweet funny banter if you weren’t dead serious when you said it, he seemed to know that, the way his hand reached out to brush a hair away from your face before his thumb lingered on your skin for a moment too long.

His touch wasn’t comforting, you wouldn’t let it be. In order for this to remain purely a hormone based decision and act, you would need to continue to remind yourself of the fact that he lied, broken promises, hurt you, and wouldn’t tell you why.

This was a hormone based decision, not a i miss you and i will take sex because its all i can get based decision.

“Are we going to have sex?” You asked, voice quieter now. His hand had been caressing your cheeks for the moment too long, his eyes boring into every single feature and aspect of your face, and he was silent, the moment was too intimate for the reasoning you were giving yourself for this whole situation. So you felt the question was necessary.

He hummed, “Do you want to have sex?” He asked.

You rolled your eyes. You were pretty sure you made it clear what you wanted. “Clearly.”

“Be nice.” He muttered as his thumb trailed over your jaw.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” You argued.

He chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. Because you both knew he had lost the right to tell you what to do, not that he ever took advantage of that right when he had it, he was always very sure you could make your own decisions and take care of yourself, but at that time, when he did tell you to do something, you listened. He lost that. He lost the right to a lot of things. The intimate moment wouldn’t be started by laughter and sweet kisses that turned into more, the moment wouldn’t be sweetened by the sound of your music playing in the background. He lost that.

He had lost the right to your love, yet unfortunately he still had it all.

He softly placed his lips on yours. Not that it was really soft, because you had learnt that he was incapable of kissing you like he didn’t need it to survive. Every soft kiss was a kiss you placed, his were all full of every emotion. If he wouldn’t tell you what he was thinking, you’d feel it in the way he kissed you. Right now, it was an ‘I miss you’ kiss.

You kissed him back the same, you weren’t sure if he knew the emotion he poured into every kiss he gave you, maybe it was a subconscious thing, you weren’t sure if he’s notice the similarities between the way he kissed you, and the way you kissed him. The same ‘i miss you’ kiss.

His hands gripped your waist, he nudged your thigh with his knee, before stepping into the space between your feet, you stumbled with each step he took, your feet following his backwards. The kiss was never broken, his lips still pressed desperately against yours, there wasn’t a build up, it didn’t start slow, it was just this. It was just whatever was left of you and him.

You continued stumbling backwards until your back was against the wall and his body was pressing yours further against the plaster, his hands were everywhere, pushing your shirt up at your waist to run his thumb over either side of your stomach while your hands gripped at the fabric of his shirt.

There wasn’t a lot to think about, you weren’t sure you could think even if there was a lot to think about. If you thought too long you’d realise what you were doing, you knew that. You didn’t want to come to the realisation. You didn’t want this to end.

“Is this okay?” He asked against your lips, before pulling back so you could answer properly, clearly. his fingers trailed up underneath your shirt, nudging the material of your bra.

You nodded, letting out a harsh breath as your finger curled around the materiel of his t-shirt. Your head fell back against the wall as he moved back slightly, lowering himself so he was on his knees in front of you. You didn’t have time to react as his hands bundled up the fabric of your shirt, pushing it up before holding it just under the wiring of your bra.

“W- what are you doing?” You breathed out as you lowered your head, looking down at him. You knew you were going to have sex, so why you were confused as to him imitating sexual behaviours — you weren’t sure. Maybe you were starting to come to your senses, maybe you were just on edge.

He didn’t answer for a moment, his free hand coming to run down the side of your waist, the soft touch sending shivers down your spine, the coldness of his fingertip against the warmth of your skin set it on fire. He leaned up and pressed his lips softly against the skin right above your belly button, looking up at you through his eyelashes, and for a second you swore you forgot about everything.

“Is this okay?” He whispered, not directly answering your question as to what he was doing. You knew what this was, Spencer — while always making sure to hear you verbally agree and give him the go ahead during the sex, he would be doing it for everything now, because things weren’t the same.

And he knew just as well as you did, that any moment you may change your mind and hate his guts. And he wouldn’t blame you. “Yes” you whispered as your breath hitched, he hummed against the skin of your stomach, his lips continuing to brush over the skin. His hand continued rubbing up and down the soft skin of your side.

“You need to relax.” He mumbled softly as he kissed under where he had bundled up your shirt. You hadn’t realised you were so tense, you didn’t know if you could be blamed, not only was he on his knees in front of you, but he was Spencer. Of course you were tense. You couldn’t remember the last time the thought of him alone didn’t make you tense.

You huffed, your fingers carding through his hair. “Don’t tell me what—” you didn’t even get to finish your snarky comment before he was saying your name, leaning back on his heels to look up at you. His hand dropped your shirt and both his hands trailed to your hips. You frowned as you looked down at him, and at the loss of contact.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled, thumb dipping into the waist band of your pants, not a sexual movement, but to gently rub the skin of your hips under where the elastic had settled, he didn’t ask the question to get an answer. It wasn’t even a question. He knew you were mad at him.

You nodded. You didn’t know what there was to say. You were mad at him, you were hurt by what he did and you’d be lying if you said that being here like this was him didn’t further those emotions, they continue to surpass the hormones that put you in this position, with Spencer kneeling in front of you. You wanted to have sex with him, you didn’t doubt that, and if you did end up regretting it, it would be self regret out of embarrassment, not necessarily for having sex with him. You were feeling a lot of emotions, and they were all confusing and contradictory with one another.

He nodded back, still looking up at you. “I know sweet girl, Im mad at me too. But for this to happen you need to relax okay? I can’t do anything when you’re this tense with me.” He mumbled out, the name made your stomach twist with a mix of butterflies and discomfort at its familiarity. Your breath was shaky when it left your lips.

You leant your head back against the wall, taking a few deep breaths, trying to relax your muscles and your nerves. It was hard, the tension in your muscles wasn’t just because you were about to have sex and the anticipation was catching up to you, sure maybe that played a part in it, but the tension came from the weight of every lingering memory of what you was suppose to happen, what he did, what he didn’t do, how much you hated yourself for being here with him, and how much you loved him. That wasn’t the type of tension you can just relax.

Spencer watched, eyes never leaving you as his hands continued to rub gently over your sides as if his touch was suppose to be soothing, maybe it was and you were just too in your head to realise it. Maybe every touch felt the same because you could tell each one carried a the weight of his guilt and it kept getting heavier. You wanted this, you did. You were making this decision in your right mind, there was nobody else to blame.

“Would you feel more comfortable if we went to my room?” Spencer asked, he leant up again, kneeling properly so he was closer to you again. Your head fell forward to meet his eyes as he stared up at you, eyes wide but not pleading with intention, care and concern maybe, a lot of guilt and a whole lot of love. You had to ignore that, because it contradicted the truth you had made up in your head in order to deal with his lack of.

You frowned, “I told you, I don’t want to be comfortable.” You mumbled. You were consumed enough by his scent now, with just him close to you, to be in his room where the entirety was so him, to lay in the bed you spent your nights and mornings tangled in one another, you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle it, you weren’t sure there was enough convincing you could do to yourself for you to continue to believe that this decision wasn’t driven by the undying need to just be with him.

Because that was embarrassing.

You chose to keep your pride as much as possible, although it continued inching away when you looked at him. That was also embarrassing.

“Well, Im not doing this if you’re uncomfortable.” He said back.

“Fine.” You settled.

“Fine.” He replied in the same tone, but he smiled, quickly grabbing your hand and placing his lips along your knuckles before intertwining your fingers and standing up straight. It was playful. He was comfortable. He was okay about this and you felt like every moment was killing you.

He was holding onto your hand tightly as he led you down the hallway. That was intimate in a way it made your chest weigh heavier, uncomfortably so. Familiar in the way it made you feel as if you were home, you weren’t sure if you currently enjoyed the feeling on his hand in yours, but you certainty weren’t pulling away, because the loss of his touch felt worse.

“Can you please take off your shoes and get on my bed?” He asked, once you had entered his bedroom. You were already suffocating in him. Taking in every little difference, his books had moved from his bedside table to his drawers since the last time you were here, he got a different lamp resting on the bedside, he had a plant.

Yet the more you looked around, those little differences didn’t make your chest burn until you noticed that so many things were the same. Your old phone charger that had broken one time when you were staying over remained in place on his shelf where you had placed it then forgotten about it, a small tube of your lipbalm on his bedside table, the book you had started and never finished was the only book that hadn’t moved to his drawers.

You looked back at him, your chest impossibly tight. You could hardly remember what he had asked you to do. You could hardly think. The regret was sinking in as all of the hurt came back, any thought that had clouded that memory prior seemed to disappear because his bedroom remained just as much you as it did him.

“What?” You breathed out heavily, a mass of air you didn’t even know you were holding in. The minute it left your lips your head spun.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he squeezed your hand, the movement was suppose to be comforting but your chest tightened. This was suppose to be a careless moment you’d regret later, not now, not before you had even gotten the chance to do anything. “I asked you to take your shoes off and get on the bed. You don’t have to.” He tried to offer to ease your mind, maybe contradict you if you even dared to argue for him not to tell you what to do. He asked.

“Oh” your lips parted as you looked down and kicked off your shoes. You let go of his hand and breathing felt a little bit easier. You moved towards the bed, because while this was embarrassing, having sex with him after he broke your heart — bursting into tears and running out like you really wanted to, would unfortunately bruise your ego more.

You settled back in the comfort of the mattress. It was so much comfier than yours, yet he use to argue how much better your bed was. You would argue differently. It took you a while to realise neither of you actually cared about the comfort of the bed, just the owner of it. Spencer looked at you for a moment from where he was standing.

“Are you going to come over or what?“ you huffed, impatience getting the better of you. Maybe also the fact that if he didn’t do something you were pretty sure the comfort of his bed, and the surrounding scent would either wind you into tears, or sleep.

He cringed, stepping forward a few times until he was sitting down next to you on the bed, body facing yours, yet he kept a safe distance, hands remaining in his lap, “You don’t look like you want this.” He mumbled.

You frowned, you weren’t great at keeping your emotions off your face regardless of how good you were at keeping them out of your mouth. Spencer also learnt your body language, he studied it as if he was going to be tested on it, he knew you better than you wanted to admit, which made it all hurt more. Because you let him know you.

“I do want this.” You said, and you did.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

He tilted his head a little bit, eyes locking in and searching yours for any sign of doubt, hesitation, he knew it would be there. So did you. After everything you decided you deserved a moment to hesitate, and after everything Spencer wouldn’t argue with that. You tilted your head to the side, reaching up, the back of your fingertip coming to brush against the spine of the book you had been reading, only about half way through. It was what you would read on the nights you spent at Spencer’s, comfortable silence filling the air while you both read.

“I need to get a copy” you muttered absentmindedly. If Spencer made any sort of face or reaction you missed it, your gaze focused on the book and the memories that ran with it.

He reached out to brush his hand over your thigh gently. “You can have that one.” He said, before shuffling so he was settling where your knees were pulled up. His hands were everywhere again, his touch gentler, because the emotions in your mind were showcasing in your body language. He leant forward, gently nudging your knees apart as he leant in more to push your t-shirt up again. “You can have anything you want.” It was a promise, a quiet barley audible promise.

You almost wish you hadn’t heard it because your own words followed, “Besides you?” You shivered as he positioned himself on his knees between your legs, fabric of your shirt bundled up in his fists, he paused at your words, tensing. You saw it.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, keeping his eyes away from your face, at focused on his hand that had finally continued moving again. “Can I take this off?” He asked, referring to your t-shirt, not answering your previous comment, maybe it was a question, you weren’t even sure. his eyes flicked to yours and you nodded. Then he was pulling your shirt up, hand moving to your back to help you sit up a little bit before pulling it off over your arms. Suddenly you were very aware of how cold the air was around you. Or maybe in was just the air between you and Spencer that was so cold, despite the warmth of his hand on your skin.

His hands were everywhere, again, feverishly even, he was leaning up, and then down to connect your lips in a kiss that was so full of emotion it shocked you, a different emotion, a different type of his. He was apologising. Or maybe you were making this up in your head in order to make sense of what was going on. You kissed him back, your hand moving to cup the back of his head, but then he was pulling away, kissing down your jaw, each breath that left his lips was hot against your skin.

He kissed down your neck, lingering on a specific sensitive spot that made your lips part and a soft gasp to pass through, before he continued his pathway down, kissing and swiping his tongue out over your collarbone, his hands moving to reach up to your chest, gently groping you over the fabric of your bra, you sighed, he groaned.

His forehead came to rest against your collarbone, when his hands slipping behind your back, running his fingertip over the clasp of your bra, a silent question. You arched up, a silent approval.

When your bra was removed, there was no time to process the cold air that caused your sensitivity to rise, for insecurity to creep in, his lips closed around the soft skin of your boobs, his hand gently squeezing the one his mouth wasn’t on. “Do you still want me?” He mumbled against your nipple, as his tongue swirled around it.

Your breath hitched, eyes fluttering closed. Maybe it was your turn to avoid answering a question. You knew what he was referring to, you mumbling earlier about how he would give you anything besides himself. His question wasn’t out of insecurity, it was out of awareness.

You let out a sound when his finger grazed over the rise of your chest, before he was pulling back from the skin he had been at, his lips trailing down your stomach again, kissing over the waist band of your pants as he shuffled to be laying on his stomach. You weren’t sure a clear thought process was possible when he tucked his fingertip below the elastic.

“Off?” He asked.

You nodded. Words were lost.

He didn’t ask the question expecting an answer— you were glad because words failed you, maybe he asked it because he wanted you to think about it. Whether you liked it or not, he knew you. He spent months learning you inside out, he said it a hundred times that he would forget everything he had ever learnt if it meant knowing you.

You hadn’t take that seriously.

His hands tugged the material down, you were lifting to help as much as possible. Once they were halfway down your thighs. He was letting out a breathy laugh, sitting up the slightest bit to pull them off your legs. The positioning was awkward but it only lasted a second before your knees were parted again.

You could feel his breath against your thigh as his lips trailed over the skin. You were really glad he didn’t ask the question expecting an answer, because you were pretty sure if you opened your mouth a gasp would leave it. A breath you didn’t know you were holding in. You were also glad because you didn’t know the answer. You didn’t know if you did still want him. You wanted to know him, to understand what happened, what went wrong. You wanted things to go back to the way they were before.

Whether that be before he left, or before you met him.

You wanted him, you did. But he was right to question you, because as much as you want him, you cared too deeply about your pride, about the trust that had been broken, the false hope and the lies, you cared too much to know if you would ever forgive him for that.

“Breathe, sweet girl.” He mumbled, breath hot against your skin as his kisses grew firmer, with parted lips as he moved up the inside of your thighs. You did, you let your lips part and the air to flow out, then back in. He hummed in acknowledgment.

“Spencer, please.”

If this was any other time, two and a half months ago, Spencer would’ve made a comment about your good manners, or teased you playfully. He knew better now. He didn’t say anything as his fingers tugged away at the remaining material, slipping his fingers under the hemming over your underwear, then they were being tugged down your legs, in that same awkward positioning.

Your chest rose and fell with anticipation as his breath grew hotter and closer to where you wanted him, then his hands were moving from there positioning on your thighs, his thumb gently brushing over your folds, you sighed, he looked up.

“You’re so pretty, y’know that?” He mumbled as if it was the most casual thing ever. You refused to acknowledge the way your stomach burnt with the mixture of butterflies and hurt. You didn’t have time to reply before a gasp was leaving your lips as he leant down, his tongue dancing over the same as his fingers had only moments prior.

Your hand reached out to grip his hair almost instinctively as you leant up on your elbow, his tongue worked over you as if this was all he would ever need. You were embarrassed of the sound that left your mouth when his lips latched onto your clit, tongue flicking against it. Despite your embarrassment, Spencer seemed to think opposite of the sound as a groan left his lips against you, the vibrations only furthering the feeling.

“Spencer.” You moaned, your body no longer capable of being held up by your elbow as you dropped against the bed, flat against the bed, head turning to bury your face in the side of the pillow. Your back arched, hips furthering against his face. He didn’t seem to mind as his free arm wrapped around your hips, tugging you even closer.

His tongue lapped over you, the sound was so embarrassing if you weren’t caught up in the pleasure of it all, and the emotions that seemed to follow him, you would’ve noticed. His fingers moved to brush his thumb over your clit as his tongue slipped inside you, before out, then lapping you again, tongue and lips everywhere. The feeling was overwhelming in the best way as your back arched.

“Im sorry,” he mumbled against you, before his tongue slipped inside you again, you weren’t sure if it was his words or the feelings that made your eyes glaze over, instinctively causing you to squeeze them shut. “Im sorry.” He mumbled again.

You could’ve believed him.

His finger brushed down, his thumb nudging your hole as his lips moved back up to your clit, then his thumb was replaced with his middle finger, slowly easing inside you. You moaned at the feeling, he almost mirrored it against you, his hand easy in and out.

“I miss you,” He whispered against your clit, finger curling inside you as if to puncture his words, or maybe to keep you from replying. If that was the case, it worked, because your head furthered into the pillow. You could hardly process his words or the hurt they sent to your chest over the growing need in your stomach.

“Spencer.” Maybe his name was all you could say. It was suppose to be a warning, not to go there, not to touch the topic, but it came out as a moan. He added another finger as his tongue flicked over your clit again, lips latching on and sucking as if his life depended on it.

His pace grew, mirroring the growing knot in your stomach. His tongue and lips worked harder against you, because he knew you and he could feel it. You might’ve muttered out a warning but either way it would’ve been muffled by the pillow your neck was twisted awkwardly into, he didn’t mind when you came on his fingers. You knew he didn’t from the way his fingers slipped out and were replaced with his mouth.

“Too much” you had cried out as your hips shifted away from him. He was off you instantly. Leaning up and licking his lips. He placed lips gently against your thigh before he was shifting to sit up. Your eyes were closed so you missed the way he stared at you, before running his hands through his hair as shuffling out from his space between your legs.

You could feel the absence, your eyes opened to find him collecting your clothes from where they had been stripped of around the room. You frown. “What are you doing? I just- I just needed a moment?” You leant up on your elbows, despite the fogginess in your mind.

He frowned when he stood up straight after picking up your t-shirt, his eyes bored into yours and you wish you understood the emotion swirling through them, but you didn’t. You didn’t at all. He just placed your clothes beside you on the bed, before sitting on the edge of it, his hand reaching out to gently brush over your thigh.

“Im not going to have sex with you.” He mumbled, and you weren’t sure what the emotion was that was sent rippling through your body, anger? Hurt? Embarrassment? Rejection? Gratitude? You were suddenly unable to differ them.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you sat up further; reaching out for your t-shirt because you suddenly felt way too exposed in front of him. You tugged it over your head as you spoke; every muscle in your body tense. “Why not?” You barely whispered, your chest still heaving on the come down of your orgasm.

His hand continued rubbing your thigh gently. He looked at you and said your name and you knew what it meant. He felt guilty. You weren’t sure if it was the guilt for everything that had happened or if it was the guilt for possibly having sex with you when he knew he wouldn’t stick around. You wanted to laugh and mumble how that never bothered him before; but you didn’t.

You suddenly felt really embarrassed. “God.” You mumbled out, realisation and regret washing over you as you reached out for the rest of your clothing, shuffling uncomfortably to get dressed as fast as possible, Spencer was quiet, his hand slipped off your thigh when you moved to tug your underwear and pants back on.

“Don’t do- Let me clean you up”

“Get the fuck off me.”

It was an instant switch. An instant reminder that this wasn’t anything other than a horny decision. That things between you and him weren’t okay, and may never be again. A reminder that no matter how much you indulged in the idea that this was nothing more, that this wouldn’t haunt you, you were in love with him, and this was hurting you. He was hurting you, and you let him. You would never forgive yourself for loving him.

He said your name but your mind had shut off.

He frowned when you didn’t reply of acknowledge him, he frowned further when you — disorderly dressed moved to get off his bed, your hair a mess but you couldn’t seem to care.

He reached out for you, “I want to explain, if you hate me after you can go and I’ll never bother you again, I promise. Im sorry? Okay. For everything. I shouldn’t have let this happen- I shouldn’t have taken you here. Im sorry— I love you, Im sorry.”

Your eyes closed when the words left his mouth and your muscles relaxed, not with relief but because you no longer had the energy to remain tense, your arm didn’t pull away from the gentle grip of his hand, the only thing keeping you from leaving. ‘i love you.’ He loved you and you didn’t believe him. You were mentally debating whether you even wanted to stick around to find out anymore, or if you needed to get out right now.

“I hate you.” You were lying. You were hurting him before he was hurting you. You hated that, that this was what was left of you and him. You hated that you wish you meant the words, you hated the way you knew he didn’t believe you, you hated the most that you didn’t believe you either.

He didn’t flinch at your words. You hated that too. “Can you wait till after I explain to decide if thats true?”

You weren’t sure you were capable of thought anymore. You were pretty sure he had taken your entire sense of self, curled it up in a ball and thrown it so far away because you were unable to find it since the day you had kissed him in your kitchen all those months ago. Every aspect of what you had with him, and who you became, you weren’t sure it was for the better.

You definitely doubted it was, when your feet remained planted on the floor, and your gaze met his. “Fine.”

[dimepdf]

Can you write more Dilf!Toji please? 😭 I really appreciate your writing 🫶🏽

★  𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐈 𝐒𝐀𝐘. + 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇����𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

masterlist. / taglist. / any request? synopsis. you come around and make Toji so tempted, no matter what broad he's bagging all he can think about is you: his fucking nanny .

─── ☆ notes. number one dilf toji defender here, i’m in my Anderson Paak phase as well as i’ve sadly (i know im disappointed too) fallen for a man to the point where this boy has invaded my DREAMS y’all…this is embarrassing and this fic is me coping with having an actual crush so i give you full permission to call me a simp over this .

─── ☆ length. 2.6k (23 mins) .

─── ☆ genre and warnings. +18 nsfw under the cut. minors dni, nanny au, dilf!toji, angsty start, fluff, minor character death, hints of depression, hookups, pining, black coded reader, you got brotha STARVING, megumi and tsumiki are toddlers in this, someone give toji a hug, vent-fic, hurt/comfort, age gap, height difference, it's always Gojo’ fault, masturbation, jealousy | — feedback is always welcomed & don't forget to reblog 🤍

Toji would say that after becoming a parent, he could read body language pretty well. Maybe it was just part of being a single parent and having to detect when your toddlers were sprouting nonsense just to stay up later knowing it was bedtime. 

From the times he believed that his little Megumi was being the perfect angel and finally grew out of his tantrum phase. 

Only to turn his back and realize that he had used craft scissors to chop a chunk out of Tsumiki’s hair and was playing nice to soften his punishment, to school beatdowns and playing dumb, Toji had decided he was just a master at decoding anyone’s bullshit.

Everyone except for his own that is.

Being a single parent came with its perks, Toji loved his two little demons, and it sort of helped that Tsumiki made the most of her mother's common sense.

But dealing with his ex-wife's abrupt death, being sprung into the life of lone fatherhood, and being a successful businessman were starting to take their toll on him.

His friends were not much help. Sure, Gojo did all he could to be seen as the cool uncle, but leaving his two hyper children with a man that refused to say no to anything that they asked was like signing his children up for their possible deaths.

Geto wasn’t much better, having his own marriage and kids. You would think that the father would grow to have a bit more compassion for the children's safety. Yet every time Tsumiki and Megumi visited their brass uncle, they would always come home with new scars sprouting about how they were practicing wrestling moves with their cousins for the last ice pop.

Waking up to something different, never being able to just fill in the gaps with a routine was starting to become a bit stressful. 

Not to mention going to work and having to push himself to his limits, knowing that just because he was friends and business partners with Nanami didn't mean he'd be lenient with him. 

All paired with the weight of some bold secretary that he had a one-night stand and never got the clue that every time he would brush her off for paperwork didn't mean he was singling her to cling onto him more. It was bad business hooking up with one of his employees Toji knows.

If anything, the woman had taken him at just the right opportunity when he was at the lowest moment of his life. Right after his wife's death, he had fallen behind on just about everything to the point where he would lean into any sense of comfort that reminded him of that faded memory he wanted to keep dear to his heart. 

So there he was after hours with a woman's thigh over his shoulder moaning out his name as if it were a prayer, and he had realized that right after it was all a mistake, which was kind of a shitty thing to note as she was standing right in front of him pulling up her panties. 

He just can't do it again, out of respect for her but also for himself. The last thing he wanted to do was entangle himself in another situation that would take more time away from his kids.

Not that he considered the woman to be pestering, but he wasn't a teenager anymore. The last thing he wanted to do was handle his stress by sticking his dick in the first woman he considered attractive, all because he had trouble bottling up all his emotions.

Toji's hatred for all the lingering eyes in the office—sure, Toji thought himself handsome—the proof was the number of relationships he had in his younger days.

There was something wrong with people finding him attractive and wanting something from him when he genuinely felt like his entire world would collapse on top of him if he stopped moving. 

As if he stopped overworking himself that he would be like one of those sharks that had to keep swimming or else they would fucking die. It was ironic how stupidly afraid Toji was at the thought of leaving his children alone in the world with both of their parents gone.

It was fear, having that parental fear for something every waking morning worrying every second that something could happen to children all because he could notice one little thing or he hadn't paid enough attention. 

Sure, he was being a hovering parent—call it what you want—but Toji would rather be that than a father who would spend his free time sleeping around with several different women. Never wanting to have to explain to his children that none of the women he slept with could compare to the relationship he had with their mother.

So he didn't. No more attachments. No more romantic anything, let alone bringing a woman home.

It was the secretary's fault. She was a beautiful woman with long hair and a cute, petite figure, and she allowed him to fold in any position that he wanted against his desk.

All that just makes Toji feel more guilty, or more worried, as if this choppy relationship that he had with this poor woman, whose name he would always forget yet who would practically scream out his, would just blow up in his face.

What if she wanted something more serious?

What if Nanami found out that he was banging one of the employees?

What if he got fired because he couldn't keep it in his pants?

What if he lost his main source of income and couldn't provide for his kids anymore?

All of those worries were just added stress, crowding his plate until he couldn't carry it anymore, and after a few years of bottling it all up until he couldn't anymore, he finally decided to reach out for help. 

Little by little, of course, he would actually tell his friends how he felt when they asked, spend more time letting Megumi and Tsumiki be actual kids, letting them hang out with their friends, and worry just a bit less whenever they would visit their younger cousins at Geto’s place. 

He had even accepted Gojo’s idea of hiring a babysitter, but of course, the blonde’s intentions for such an offer were dual-minded. 

Thriving on about how he should hire some smoking hot lady, to have some eye candy around the house to fuel some busting fantasies to break his dry spell. 

Toji was quick to dismiss that idea for a variety of reasons, one of which was that he had hired you. You were a clumsy young girl who just needed a side hustle to pay for some of your college classes, accepting his twenty-dollar an hour ad despite the fact that it was the lowest pay sandwiched between the obviously more wealthy families looking for someone to look after their kids so they didn't have to on the boogie nanny seeking website. 

At first, the idea of leaving his children alone with you was a terrifying thought. The impression that you gave him during the interview was more than enough to fuel his worries after seeing you stumble out of your car and get your jacket in the car door, dense to the point where you had face-planted into his back during the house tour, too busy gawking at the many bathrooms to pay attention to where you were supposed to be walking. 

Your genuinely bubbly personality around the children is what saved you from going broke. Sure,  you were a little naive when it came to some of the things that you lied about on your resume, but the thing that Toji liked about you was that you just seemed to handle yourself so well despite not knowing at all what you were doing. If anything, he admired how you had managed to keep yourself alive despite running through life so differently than he would.

You were quick to gain his trust, in fact, quicker than anyone has ever in his entire life. He felt his feelings were mostly biased given that his kids had practically attached themselves to you throughout the months of being their nanny. 

It was only natural for them to grow so close to you with how much Toji had to work, but what Toji hadn't expected was for you two to form some sort of friendship as well.

It started off pretty odd, with Toji coming home to find you have the kids tucked in for the night and spread out on his living room couch watching so many movies on his HBO Max account that he forgot he even had. 

You were a pretty chatty person, and he had learned to notice how you could go from being so silent that he would forget you were even there to the point of talking about anything within your wide range of interests that Toji had never heard of.

In all honesty, Toji loved that about you—how you could introduce him to new things that he hadn't gotten around to understanding all because he was too busy being a workaholic.

His new favorite part about coming home was just to talk to you, or at least listen to your rant about some silly little show, or make him listen to one of the new songs you had become obsessed with.

And before he had known it, Toji actually felt warmth in his household again, all because of some kind-hearted nanny who had managed to break down all of his walls.

It was almost strange how someone so opposite to him, someone so minor, could have managed to make his life change for the better.

And then it got a little bit more strange. 

Life had been going so well for him that sometimes those days would just blend together. There would be times at work when he had wished for his entire office building to crumble to dust just so he could get out of work early for the day, but even after those shifts, he would come home to you, and suddenly that swallowing dark hole in his chest would actually start to feel whole again.

He had just gotten so used to using you as his personal happiness dispenser that when you managed to wiggle into his life more and more, he even introduced you to his main group of friends. His mood was ruined when he saw Gojo's eyes practically glow at the sight of you during Tsumiki's birthday party. 

Toji hadn't understood why it had bothered him so much, seeing his best friend become too chummy with you.

If anything, knowing Gojo’s history of charming the pants off of any attractive woman, he could have prepared him enough to know that you too would soon enough fall victim to at least one of his friends, but there was just something so uncomfortable about hearing Gojo drown you in compliments.

It was as if something had clicked, and suddenly you weren't just the full-time nanny anymore, but the beautiful young woman that he had suddenly noticed was so pretty, and that alone made Toji feel like such a fucking creep. 

Maybe it was because you were closer to his children's age than his or the fact that every time you would change your hair every other month, he would imagine his hands tangled in your braids, how he would think about holding the locs away from your face to get a better view of you between his legs. 

It was all so fucked, your now normal image of him all screwed over all because of Gojo and his ability to turn anything sexual. Toji had felt just a little better pinning the blame on someone else, thinking that maybe it would ease his guilt for getting so hard thinking about you late at night.

You would be just downstairs asleep in the living while he laid down on the other side of the house in the comfort of his four walls, pressing his face into his pillows with an erection hard enough that he was convinced it was harder than bricks. 

For the first time in a while, it wasn't anything work-related taking up all of his attention, but instead the fucking nanny he hired. The pretty nanny who was in college, who was closer to his children's age than his, the nanny with the glossed lips that he had to hold back from wanting to taste which flavor it was she was wearing now. 

His lovely nanny, whom he wished to strip naked piece by piece to pay close attention to every dip and curve in her figure. He wanted you naked as the day you were born, spread across his mattress, lips parting only to say his name and his name only. 

It was a dangerous thought, one that often led to Toji revealing himself with a rabbit hole of thoughts about you in any situation his mind could imagine.

It was even more crude—wrapping his hand around his dick and thrusting his hips up into his hand, thinking about the same woman who was just a staircase away, masturbating as if he were a teenage boy and not a man with two kids asleep in just the room across the hall.

He blamed everything on Gojo, it was all his fault that you have suddenly seemed so fucking unforgettable. How could you suddenly be all he could think about with all his sanity thrown out the window for some nanny?

His pretty nanny.

You were so beautiful, with full lips, a dark complexion, and brown eyes that managed to look so appealing despite being so boring. Your expressions make you so easy to read. 

The way your brows would pull together whenever you were confused, how the ends of your lips would quirk with every joke, how your personality managed to be so welcoming.

You stood tall, your head just below his shoulder, average height but so short in comparison to his towering figure.

How bad Toji just wanted to scoop you up into his arms and bury his face into your neck, the same neck where he wanted to leave as many marks as he possibly could against your brown skin.

The thought doesn't help Toji’s aching dick at all. How bad he wants to suck little marks into your soft flesh, leaving dark little marks wherever he can against your body.

It was a possessive thought, having you covered in his teeth marks and love bites, waiting for the next guy to dare to even make a move on you. 

He wonders how soft your thighs feel and how nice they would feel wrapped around his waist. He lets his hand do the majority of the work, his fingers rough around his length, causing a groan from the friction. 

Toji’s fantasies about you play out quite beautifully in his mind, so perfectly, in fact, that he struggles to keep himself silent. 

Which was a new thing for him given that Toji wasn’t usually very vocal during sex, not even the best blowjob that he had ever gotten would he give anything but a few grunts yet there he was fisting into his fist to keep himself from whimpering out so pathetically. 

Humping his hand to the point where he had to cover his own mouth, he finished all over himself, strings of cum shooting all over his chest to his shirt. He was too caught up in his own bliss to care about the sad mess he created. 

Toji thought you were beautiful. He thought you were so perfect to the point where even the simple thought of you made him so happy.

You, his nanny, were the realization that settled in his mind after his high. 

🔖 @tojidilfs @s-witch-bitch @chloee0x0 @kawatabae @haitaniwhor3 @pluzo @hey-gurls69 @momoewn @kogoshidied @disaster-rose @hoohoohope @pidwidge @jadeisthirsting @zuuki @watyousayin @tojishugetiddies @rumi-rants @justanotherkpopstanlol @awkwardaardvarkforever @lexiinanime @melty-kisses @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @kiyomeichann @wenumsmol @unholybabyface @ficti0nalslxt @namidaass @princesstiti14 @watyousayin @crissteetee @ziggy-09 @anotherlovelyruin

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[tibby-art]

there is one more question that is eating at me. last one for now. take ur time to answer ofc <:] and i understand if u want to wait to reveal some details in a format other than an ask lol

im curious about any possible side-effects of grian's watcher abilities, especially since these abilities are newly-acquired and unpredictable. does he get watery eyes? partial/total blindness? vision abnormalities? hot/cold flashes? sweating? dry cracked skin around the eyes? migraine/headache? nausea? numbness/loss of physical feeling? loss of balance/dizziness? at which point do side-effects happen (if any), can grian burn out? if watcher abilities are used too much.

absolutely, i’ve pictured him getting frequent headaches/migraines, dizziness, and nosebleeds when she overexerts herself. if things get too bad he can pass out, which is unideal, especially because i think he gets really weird dreams after becoming a Watcher

i like to think of the watcher powers like being able to access a less-corporeal reality, where things like physics aren’t as set in stone. kind of like if you were able to /gamemode spectator in real life, but doing so is incredibly overwhelming and the line between physical planes gets a little blurred and can’t be switched on and off so easily. it also reminds me of this game i used to watch lets-plays of as a kid called Beyond Two Souls where you play as this sort of spirit that others can’t see, you’re tethered to a girl and you can do things like move/break objects and phase through walls to see things that she can’t, but because you’re tethered you can’t stray too far from her and you both get exhausted by using your abilities too much

grian grounding himself when things get overwhelming isn’t that difficult, though! i think i’ve said this before but scar lets grian hold jellie often because petting a cat is a great way to stay grounded and focused in this reality

i hope that makes any sense lol. i’ve had some art in the works but i’ve been too busy with The Zines™ to work on it much :’D which is why i wrote instead lmao

[fernsnailz]

HI . GET ON THE DISSECTION TABLE. taking your brain RIGHT NOW OH MY GODDDDD. OH MY god ,,, everything in the zine,,,,,

obviously the quality of your work, the art itself is so good ,,,, but OUGHHGGGGHGH i need to bang my head into a wall until im unconscious . like the title itself, starting off . woe mama we are in for a fucked up roboty treat . your comps . your writing . in the most respectful and awestuck tone possible . i need to kill you

my favorite i think is how you draw gemerl ,, all the robots you nail their expressiveness but oughh ,, him in particular makes me kick my feet . 'you are everything i fear becoming' makes me actually tear the fucking floorboards up the themes of autonomy ,,,,,, ,,, and how you storytell through your comic panels,,, the 'what a fool you are to think the doctor is gone' panel set makes me drink 2 Monsters and eat glass

THE . THE IMPOSSIBLE GOAL COMIC RAGHHHHHH. FAV FAV FAV . geninely shaking and trembling looking at it like jesus thats so fucked up ,,, your mind . your writing is so everything !! i would love to get any insight for how you workshop it because it is consistently breathtaking it sticks with me so heavily,,, one time i accidentally stole a line of dialogue word for word from your Never turn back zine comic and had to change it dfhjd,,,,, (wow this line is so cool ! ...a little toooo cool. squint.) but yeah god the last comic wow,, your panel compositions are banger after banger you are so good at consistently writing evocative stuff,,, tragic, rlly funny, hopeful, its so inspirational

thank u so much for putting together such a cool zine, would love to have it physically one day !

GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS EDIT IS KILLING ME. this is such a rewarding ask to get, i'm so glad you picked up on these things!!

my writing work shopping style is. hm. a bit all over the place. i have a lot of thoughts about it i'll put under a cut if you're interested. there's a lot of little things i've picked up that help me out so so much that i would really love to share!

ok FIRST i should note that it took me so goddamn long to write this thing. like i had the very very VERY first concepts for metal sonic good future like. a year ago. the first scrawlings are literally in a notebook right after some thumbnails i was using for dance in fire and i was editing dialogue up until two days ago. i'm ill

BUT!!! there are a few things i like to keep in mind when i write/edit that have really helped me!

GET OTHER PEOPLE TO READ YOUR STUFF. ESSENTIAL STEP. i get stuck in holes with my work a lot and having beta readers and other eyes on this thing made it like a million times better

sometimes you have to kill your baby. there will be certain lines or moments that you ADORE that simply don't fit into the larger piece, and you gotta just cut it out to make it better sometimes. but usually this gives birth to an even cooler and more epic baby. or sometimes your killed baby is also resurrected later to be used in a different scene. does this make any sense

figuring out what emotion you want a scene to make people feel is very important - with this in mind, i also pay really close attention to how my writing or scene concepts make me feel physically. i think this is the thing that has helped me most with work shopping anything i want to be evocative. does a line make me tense my jaw? make my teeth vibrate? make my chest tight? do i suddenly feel the blood in my hands? if it makes me feel something within my body, i try to draw on that physical sensation when forming the rest of the scene.

ok this last one is. stupid. as i was wrapping up this thing i went through a final edit phase i'd call "Garten of Banban Vision." Garten of Banban is an indie horror game that has uhhh kinda mid dialogue. a lot of it focuses on exposition, and any emotion in it feels a bit hollow. with this in mind, i read through everything one last time and imagined like all of the lines were from a Garten of Banban game and spoken in the character's monotone voices. if the line felt like it could fit a little too well in the Garten of Banban world, i considered editing it. but if i started thinking "oh shit this is pretty good for a Garten of Banban game" i knew it was fine. do you understand what i was alluding to when i said my writing process is a bit all over the place

in conclusion. writing hard

[megumimania]

AOT LONDON BOY HCS PT 2

featuring: reiner, onyankopon, armin

a/n: this is part two of these hcs, part one is here! thanks for tuning in its kinda rushed my bad 😪, likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

ARMIN

-armin would be from islington or finchley maybe even south, but I don’t see him living in like bougie areas such as kensington or chelsea or like richmond

- him and eren went to the same primary and secondary together

-armin was literally his get out of jail free card because of his stellar reputation in academics

-he always gets free stuff from the corner shop or the chicken and chip shop

-doesn’t own a car, he either bikes or takes the tube because he cares about the environment and doesn’t want to add onto the extra pollution in london

-his dress sense is very casual like a t shirt, a pair of loose fitted trousers and some trainers but when he cant be bothered he’ll wear a tech fleece

-he has a very good sense of direction, like he knows the fastest routes for anything, like when eren and connie dragged him to carni (if you went this year im saur jealous 😩 but anyways) and it was time to get home armin found a quicker route that got them back pretty fast

-knows all the best secret spots in london for anything! which makes hanging out with him more fun because you experience a new part of london when you’re together

-he isnt a fan of eren’s scamming ways but when eren asks for help he always answers as long as he’s not a part of it

-london men i feel like are terrible with their feelings but armin is the exception, he would be very open with you about his feelings and such

-reads so much, you’ll catch him at hyde park or greenwich park reading till the sun sets

-he smokes cigarettes but he’s trying to cut it out for you

-his playlist would be very diverse since he’s been brought up in a multicultural area, like it would go from bashment, to rnb, drill to pop

-unlike his unserious counterparts *cough cough* eren and connie, he’s very loyal!

ONYANKOPON

-my ghanaian king, shoutout to my ghanaians!!

-he speaks twi so well that people forget he was brought up in the uk

-he would be from peckham or lewisham for suree, he’s deffo been dragged around by his mum round rye lane market on a saturday morning carrying that trolley with him

-he goes to a pentecostal church, he’s always leading youth service and helping out at church events.

-the aunties love him for this because he’s the perfect son that they don’t have and they just love him in general

-ony can cook and im being for real, so you guys never eat out unless ony wants to show you to a new niche restaurant somewhere

-he has snap but doesn’t have a bitmoji because he thinks it’s immature 😕 but eventually he caves and makes one because you ask him too

-hes always promoting his boys stuff whether that be music,

-he deffo went to an all boys secondary and then he went to a mixed sixth form after, he gives me those vibes

-he used to go to the library to link girls after school 😭 he had a big playboy phase but hes calmed down

-he used to be one of those people at stratford westfield trying to sell you magazines before you enter

-hes not stingy with his money, hes always spoiling the people he loves

-he has a bunch of caps and grills that he likes to rotate out weekly, he has great style

-he works in corporate london so its rare that you dont see him outside of a suit and tie but he always makes time for you

-ony is always holding your bag for dear life when you go to bait areas like oxford street or westfields or like the tourist spots because people be getting their shit stolen loool

-he loves late night tesco trips anything that he can do at night i.e late night walks, drives etc

-bossman is always giving him discounts on stuff because ony is loyal customer.

REINER

-look at that man and tell me he wouldnt be from essex tell me!! like thats pure dagenham material right there

-if you search up a typical person from essex, he would come up

-he probably owns those skintight chinos with those ugly polos with the church shoes

-he tries to downplay his accent a bit since sometimes its hard to understand him but when hes upset his accent comes through in full force

-always at spoons or at the club till early hours

-reiner gives me bricklayer vibes so thats what im gonna roll with

-when he comes home from work in summer hes like hot and sweaty but it makes his biceps glow so its kinda sexy idk

-has a bunch of tattoos, most of them are birthdays of family members and a picture of his grandma who passed away

-has a british bulldog called belle, the dog is fucking scary but reiner thinks the world of her and thinks she can do no wrong

-listens to mainly dnb, garage, techno

-downs pints at the pub like it’s nothing, he has a high alcohol tolerance

-proper geezer that’s all i have to say tbh!

[stealingyourbones]

Hey Bones, I saw your thing about a Bat family member becoming a ghost and it reminded me of a very heart breaking au a friend and I came up with a while back that I don't remember if I submitted or not. Either way, be prepared to have your heart broken.

Tim is dead. He's been dead for a while actually. But No one seems to have noticed. He looks and feels just as solid as he did before he died, even if he's got a lower body temperature and doesn't seem to get hurt on patrol beyond bumps and bruises. Never anything that would land him in med Bay, never anything that would make his family check on him.

No one has noticed the way he doesn't eat anymore, or the fact he doesn't sleep. He's extended his patrol hours and cut back on time at Wayne Enterprises. He's pretty sure not even Alfred noticed. He knows the Kryptonians aren't worried about him not having a heart beat and they have no reason to tell anyone. They know he has a special device that can hide him from their senses and tests it on Kon a lot to make him focus on spacial awareness beyond his hearing. He used it a lot before he died. They just think he hasn't turned it off in a while.

Tim remembers how he died. Not fully, but there are pieces. He remembers he was fighting someone on a bridge and he didn't call for back up because he thought he could handle it. He doesn't remember who he thought he could handle. He remembers something stinging his arm. A bug? No a bug couldn't bite through Kevlar, it was a needle. Then everything started going dark and he was stumbling back. His back hit something hard and he tiped over it. He thought he could land on the other side. He remembers wondering why his suit felt so damp and heavy as the world went black around him.

Tim's body is still at the bottom of the bay where it will likely stay forever with so, so many other bodies. It makes Tim wonder, why him? Why not everyone else who ended up down there? Why not everyone who has died in Gothem? Did he come back like Jason did, is it something to do with being a vigilante? Tim checks his own pulse again while he's alone. Yep. Still dead. He continues on his patrol and tries to shove those thoughts away.

So what if Tim's dead? He's still here and he still has work to do. His family is full of detectives. If they can't figure out that something as important as death has happened to one of their own? Well then Tim thinks they need to pay more attention. He ignores the pain that curls in the back of his mind at that thought.

It's been 6 months. Why hasn't anyone noticed? Tim can't help but wonder if they ever will.

Howdy its me @bonebrokebuddy answering. I'm Twone's (twin bones) twin who is helping answer asks because this fucker has like, over 100 of them in her ask box and I help her with making prompt ideas frequently so she trusts me to not horribly fuck up her account.

This is my first answer for her I've written because I had my screen on low brightness and on darkmode, so your profile jump scared the shit out of me when I scrolled past it. Therefore im answering this one first.

Anywho, from my chronic inability to write angst here goes: Tim died, came back and none of the Bats seemed to care. So what? It's not like his best friends hadn't done the same thing. And he was tired and sick of the Bats thinking his entire life revolved around them.

So he packed up his bags and headed to Kansas.

The Bats might not be worried but neither was Kon or Bart. They're actually thrilled after getting over their initial grief that Tim now has also personally experienced death and came back. The funeral was a rather small, breif, and quiet afar. Kon made sure to help locate Tim's corpse and Bart helped with the eulogy (surprisingly heartfelt and moved them all to tears.)

Sure, they're sad that Tim died but he's right in front of them, it's a little more difficult to morn when you've been laughing at said dead guy who got stuck halfway through phasing out of the wall. And now Tim can keep track with them!

Kon is a little pissed that Tim can now go intangible and escape his TTK so he can't take away Tim's coffee anymore. But it's kinda worth it. The first time he took Rob on his favorite flight path, he's never wanted anything else than to hear Tim's breathless laugh and see his frighteningly perfect smile again. They now often go on flights together, high above the clouds with no-one else but them for thousands of miles around. (it almost felt like a date)

Bart knew this would happen one day. He was from the future, of course he knew that Tim Drake, formerly Red Robin, died at age 19 and changed his alias to The Grey Ghost. It doesn't mean that Bart doesn't morn the passing of his friend. Tim means a lot to him and the brief guilt that he did not stop Tim's death also quickly passes. He can finally show Tim that hiding space in the walls that no one else can get to without phasing through the wall! One other thing. Bart is unsure if Kon has noticed yet, which he knows Kon isn't the most observant of the old young justice crew but he has to have noticed it by now. Ever since Tim left Gotham he's developed an insane appetite despite claiming that he didn't need to eat while in Gotham and also being dead so why does he need to eat? (Unknown to Bart, Kansas doesn't have as much ambient ectoplasm as Gotham and Tim is starting to experience the withdraw symptoms. If the trio don't realize how to fix Tim's worsening symptoms soon, Tim might actually die for good this time.)

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: Miraculous World: London, At the Edge of Time

(Spoilers for those that havent seen it. and yes this will be my sort of Live reaction, with my thoughts at the end)

-Okay so Nooroo be sad and trying to appeal to this person's morality.

-Okay so I was wrong about them being Adrien, but they are... Blond Lila?

-Okay, so She was actually BOTH akumatized Villains. Not gonna lie, That is so expected I assumed one of them would be adrien. Damn

-Intro be dope though

-So they are playing some weird variant of chess.

-If I was kid Alix, Id be salty, I would never. win since the other versions of me KNOW all my moves.

-OH DAMN GRANNY BUNNYX! 70, damn she looks good for 70

-Oh they be fading, and they arent even phased. Because they know what will happen. Wow... kind of takes the drama out of this

-Oh cool, recap

-They dont even bother saying he was originally called monarch.

-Alix is so valid for that comment about them kissing

-"Gabriel makes his wish, history is still on course." Yep they are playing the Miguel O' Hara is right canon event bit unironically.

-Portals start vanishing. But the drama is gone because YOU KNOW Alix will fix it

-Oh there is a depressed Bugnoire. Confirmed that merge miraculous can still use powerups.

-She goes to London. Damn this is depressing, and sterile

-Bugnoire casual destroys the cell to free Kagami made me chuckle

-Marinette reflecting on what happened. talking with Gabriel

-"Adrien cannot find out."

TO THE SURPISE OF F***ING NOBODY!

-Kagami calling her out but then saying she will oblige her

-Oh they actually talking about Tomoe.

-Kagami wants to try and talk to her mom, which Marinette honors because... at least she isnt being a hypocrite here.

-Okay I know I am a bit nasty, but I do appreciate the time the scene is taking. its really building up the tension to this.

-Gorilla out of nowhere just like "Let me unlock it first." that made me chuckle

-I feel VERY CONFLICTED. Because on one hand, LOVE THE ANGST. Absolutely just perfection. Really milk that drama. But f*** do I HATE how this came about.

-Oh the Lie is actually pretty convincing. Oh look at how absolutely distraught Adrien is. Boy is f***ing wrecked.

-OH DAMN ADRIEN OUTBURST

-That Adrigami comforting.

-I want to love this absolutely heartshattering scene. Its beautiful, its angsty.

-Okay, you know what. I will hold my reservations until I actually finish.

-You can just see the absolute distraught face of Marinette. SHE HATES THIS. SHE ABSOLUTELY HATES WHAT SHE IS DOING. OH THAT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL ANGSTY THING. Its slowly warming me up a bit, the finale was missing this.

-Oh damn, Nathalie knows Marinette is Ladybug. WELP, just another person that knows thats not Adrien.

-Oh damn, Ladybug monologue, while she destroys everything related to Hawkmoth, monarch, and his scheme. In a way, becoming his greatest accomplice.

-The press conference is full of a lies. Wow its starting to feel just like real life.

-Nathalie comforting Adrien, such a soft scene. Meanwhile Tomoe and Kagami are cold to eachother

-Marinette is at the train station

-That adrinette hug.... yea, thats the good stuff

-Im happy the kwami are safe.

-There is a lot of not talking in these moments. letting the music set the tone.

-And day becomes night, Marinette sleeps with Plagg and tikki by her side. Now she asks if what she did was right

-Is there a kwami of truth? Because if there is, I wonder what animal it is

-WAIT, She lied to Alya too? THAT I didnt see coming.

-And right there, we see when the special ACTUALLY Starts

-Okay the vest is funny

-The burrow has a slowed down time aspect, makes sense because of the whole time travel thing.

-So they have to take Marinette's Miraculous from when she renounced it. For a split second, I thought she was talking about the Kwami choice, but it was actually Origins. Which makes more sense

-So thats why Tikki becomes so sure of Marinette.

-She changed colors? Why thoough?! Granted I do prefer it to the original costume, but not as much as the lucky charm form.

-"There is no such thing as ghost." GHOST FORCE WOULD LIKE A WORD MARINETTe

-Basically she can phase through things like Kitty pride. And be invisible. So like a Ghost.

-Ladybug verses the Ghost akuma

-She cant touch them

-Calender. it means you have to go to a different time

-This special really likes hammering in that Ladybug's lie is wrong, yet at the same time NO ONE is offering her an alternative. So it feels like the special isnt really committing to the "Marinette is right" or "Marinette is wrong."

-"Sorry, you cant take the butterfly miraculous cause Canon Event." Yea this is getting repetitive

-So Time Stalker was there. Saw Ladybug was Marinette

-Yea, not gonna lie. All the clips showing the finale only remind me how much I HATE it.

-Gabriel f***s off to leave his son an orphan but gets to be with his wife. Thus getitng his wish forever and now Ladybug has to basically let it happen because F*** her in particular

-NATHALIE WITH A CROSSBOW!

-Nathalie telling the small crying teen who was willing to sacrifice HERSELF, that she didnt have to go that far. People often forget Marinette is a TEENAGER going through s***. Nathalie should have stopped Gabriel earlier

-That aside, all this special reinforced is that Gabriel is an idiot. He really could have won so much easier

-And thats how Time stalker found out

-Marinette figured out they were the same person, clever writing

-Super ghost and Super Spy dumb names

-I love Barkk. She is like "Dont be so sure"

-Man this special really retreads a lot of old ground a lot

-Miraculous Bug Noire

-So Bugnoire saying until they get the butterfly miraculous back. She cant tell him the truth.... Yea no. Thats dumb. I still find this very dumb.

-But the whole mini portal thing was funny to me. Why not just make a portal under them to pull them in.

-There we go.

-SHE HAS MORE OF THEM? Okay thats pretty clever

-"He or She?" if it wasnt present bunnyx Id assume she knew.

-The explanation on why Nathalie cant tell Adrien is also bulls**t.

-A wiseman once said, the "Truth hurts but once, but a Lie will ache forever" Marinette is basically setting up for worse

-I will say, the Choreography in these encounters is pretty cool.

-Okay the plan was clever

-Ladybug is apparently REALLY good at forging signatures. Are we sure Marinette isnt a future villainess?

-The Ladybug monologue with that funky beat was fun

-HEHEHE Lila Temper tantrum

-Poor Nooroo

-Well the plan worked.

-Bunnyx not being sad about having to stay as Bunnyx.

-Wait, so how come they can go ride dinosaurs if they cant mess with time?

-So bunnyx says "Hey its cool to lie as long as you own up to it eventually." Thats a fucking terrible lesson for kids to learn. I hope everyone reading this knows that

-Wait... is Chronobug dead?

-Nope, she is still alive

-Plagg is confused. But Tikki knows. Okay thats cute

-Marinette fixing the miraculous and upgrading them. Thats neat

-Marinette's logic for spreading it out makes sense at least. And the new hawkmoth doesnt know the heroes identities. Tomoe might though

-Okay, Plagg is cute.

-Ah yes, the Ladynoir

-There is that Hug. Thats that good stuff

-Chat noir's guilt and Ladybug's Guilt

-And then Lila's monologue at the end

___________________________________________________________

Now... How do I feel about this special?

I am torn.

On one hand, it did show that Marinette is feeling the effects of the secrets she is keeping. She is clearly feeling guilty about it. And the special does a LOT to justify what she is doing and never outright gives her a pass for it. I also LOVED that sweet succulent ANGST. Good stuff.

on the Other hand, some of the explanations are not good (like Adrien not finding out until after the butterfly is found? It makes no sense), and it hand waves a LOT of things. Not to mention, it does basically have Marinette, Kagami and Nathalie in this secret Cabal of secrets. Tomoe is basically not held accountable. And the whole Canon event thing and time travel basically means there is never any real danger. So it really takes the wind out of this.

But BUT, This special does at least imply that this secret will be the cause of tension, now the question is IF the show will actually deliver on this angst.

I dont hate this special as it does illuminate a LOT of what was missing from the Season 5 finale... that being said, I still hate the season 5 finale.

so its 6/10.

[tales-of-wocdes]

i hope im not asking for spoilers but what this game is actually about like living with trauma in the orpanage or something more? Because tbh im really curious about the story but im not really sure what else it can be about (please dont take it as hate😭😭) i was thinking like - learning magic and defeating the bad guy at the end of ch2 but i dont really think this game will be focused that much on revange/fighting.

Anyways im sure whatever youll create ill amd many more people will be happy because its so well written that i feel like you could just write a 1000 word story about a rock and id be so invested ill cry (youre an amazing writter and im glad im able to see your art)

Thank you! It is surreal to hear people say things like that. I'll see about the rock story at some point....

No worries, I am not so easy to offend :D It is a good question. And the answer is scary. Because it makes me doubt if we ever get there. Because the answer is that it is both about living with the trauma, and something more.

You can read the pinned post for some idea about the "overall" direction that is planned.

The rest will talk about what I would imagine the structure to be like and what I have divided it into in my notes. Read at your own peril. And also know that this is a very long term plan.

--------------------------------------------------------------

So the basic idea is that we have these "acts"

Where MC is at this age. The current act. The start of the journey so to speak. Getting used to life outside the "void". Everything is odd and new. Possibly a short time skip (weeks, months) during this act; or just make it into a new act.

2. MC is still a child but a couple of years into living at the orphanage. Basically the "living with trauma in the orphanage". This would be the phase where say MC is used to living at the orphanage, might get to venture out into the city. Is getting lessons about normal stuff.

3. MC is a teen/young adult in training. MC is actively in training and learning to fight.

4. MC is an adult. (The name of the IF and the pinned post do state what MC is supposed to become). MC goes out into the world with some companions to fulfill their duty.

Now does this make sense? There is a bigger background story but you can't really tell too much about it from this outline :D That bad guy at the end of C2 is supposed to start setting up some of the bigger background. Though I will freely admit, that it might be a tad too early for that interlude... but I can just move it a bit later if needed. I had it written so I included it :D I do things like that.

And this is not at all locked into stone. It is massively ambitious, meant to span a long time. I have already been quite honest that my outlines suck so who knows what will happen :D

I am taking it one day at a time, and refusing to worry about it too much :D Chipping away at it one tiny piece at a time.

[piosplayhouse]

Hi! I came across a post complaining about the guy yuri poll and discourse aside, I vaguely remember you made a post about what is yaoi and what is yuri? I dunno if I dreamed this post up, but I've scrolled and scrolled and I can't find it. So, I wanted to ask (if you don't mind answering >.<), what is yaoi/yuri? (beyond the basic definitions) What counts as guy yuri and girl yaoi?

Uwaa ok so I will say Im planning to actually write a paper on this but I haven't done much research yet so ask in a few months and you'll hopefully have a better answer with cited sources. But here is a bit of what I'm conceptualizing at this point (corrections and additions very welcome!)

What set me down this path really was of course the fantastic Yaoizine hosted by tshirt3000, which includes a rather poignant author's note about broadening the definition of yaoi in public to the abstraction. Indeed, the actual origin of the term "yaoi" is an acronym for "yamanashi, ochinashi, iminashi" (plotless, climaxless, meaningless) from 70s doujinshi spheres wherein it was used as a somewhat self-degrading term to define a specific type of porn-without-plot self-indulgent indie fancomic. These were of course, mostly of the male-male variety. However, as the Yaoizine makes clear, there's not really an inherent gendering within the word in any sense but genre expectation-wise. This becomes particularly salient in the case of perhaps one of the most famous wlw romances out there, Revolutionary Girl Utena. Tshirt cites an interview with the creator of the anime, Ikuhara Kunihiko, where he refers to the relationship between the two main female characters (among other things) as yaoi, recontextualizing the term from merely a mlm genre into a statement on the dynamics of power and consumption as they relate to gender-- an act of sexual passion paired with a reversal of societal norms = yaoi in this case, which is why utenanthy fits perfectly within the term.

Conversely, yuri (lily) is a bit more difficult to analyze from a gender-neutral perspective as it originated not as a counterpart to yaoi, but instead as a counterpart to bara (rose, a term used to refer to erotic gay male content) used when lesbians would write in to gay magazines trying to hook up and whatnot. However, it's pretty agreed upon that the genre grew out of Class S literature, a type of literature based on girls, often senpai and kouhai, going to an all-girls school together and experiencing a connection that straddles the thin line between romance and homosociality. Homosociality like this among women has historically been and to this day remains somewhat under the radar and perceived as a "phase" or an amateur attempt at romance before a woman eventually marries a man. This is where we see significant overlap between pre/early modern Japanese male homosexual literature and lesbian literature, where homosexuality is seen as a youthful phase that will inevitably be grown out of (as in the case with the chigo system, LUG (lesbian before graduation), etc). Essentially, it was very common for the characters of early modern queer literature (mostly written by queer authors btw) to have brief and passionate schoolyard flings before graduating onto "normal" sexuality. Of course, these narratives fell out of style and are considered dead today, but their remnants can still be seen in the subsequent shojo and modern gl manga boom. The yuri that grew from this in the beginning was usually explicitly erotic, but still somewhat held onto the predominant themes of schoolgirl innocence and youthful beauty. Over time, meanings and terminology shifted, and the "yuri" we use today is more interchangeable with "gl", meaning it's not so much of an indicator of explicit content as "yaoi" is. However, I would still argue that one of the largest indicators of a story's "yuri factor" (if you could say that) is its ties to the establishing homosociality progressed into homoromantic relationship genre expectation. Of course, there are many wlw stories that subvert this, (as there are many mlm stories that subvert the yaoi or even bl template) but to me, if you were to compare yaoi and yuri's theming, yaoi's focus tends to skew more towards the intimacy in explicit eroticism, while yuri looks more into the implicit eroticism in intimacy. If that makes sense.

Of course, when looking into "boy yuri" there's also a transfem-coding factor to consider, which I think is what the majority of people have in mind when they refer to a couple as "boy yuri". Historically, there is massive precedent for feminization between male queer couples in historical Japanese literature, as well as in early modern relatives of bl, mainly Inagaki Taruho's work, so it would be somewhat disingenuous to say feminization is a purely modern, female-created phenomenon. But anyway, those are my (somewhat messy and likely inaccurate) thoughts so far, let me know what you all think. Have a happy yaoimas and merry new yuri, as they say.

[yuri-is-online]

Sorry if this ask makes absolutely no sense I just need you to know the absolute emotion I feel because of this Ayuu.

I need you to know just . how close to tears I am . I just reread your Azul meeting his Yutu and I am. IM CRYING. THE “Your daddy’s here” IS TAKING ME OUT AND SHOOTING ME DEAD . IM GENUINELY TEARING UP. I think I’ve read every part so far twice over, barring the Yuu specific ones cause they Hurt Me. Speaking of hurt, Deuce!Yutu and Riddle!Yutu hurt me so so bad . All of the Yutus do, but they’re the ones that just came to mind rn and it’s so so sad. Especially Riddle! Yutu because he hates his dad :( Idek why I might’ve blocked out why LMAO,,, I love all the Heartslabyul characters and their kids it makes me cry. Especially Trey. He’s such a weirdly domestic freak that the idea of him being denied the family life he’s always been content with is so so sad. ALL OF THEM . THEY MAKE ME SO SAD BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE WITH YUU!! They want to be with Yuu, and most of them are obviously happy to have a kid, but to know that that’s been taken away from you by circumstances that are literally destroying the world you live and love in? Yeah. That’s Rough!!

I would love to see Jamil!Yutu and how Jamil reacts to his child feeling guilt for something he never did, was never responsible for, and again has to suffer through because of the family theirs has been forced to serve. I think he’d be so mad, so so mad this boy has grown up thinking he’s the biggest blight of his father’s life, the cause of his death, when in reality he’s probably someone Original Timeline! Jamil would have cherished.

I LOVE YOU RUGGIE BUCCHI!!! Sorry I needed to cry that out this made me love him so much more!!! And Rook!! I love you Rook Hunt you weirdo. Ruggie being like “Idrk what to do… but I can bug Leona about it” is so so real. Him not caring if his son is charismatic as long as he knows his cards and is able to survive. Rook as a phantom is genuinely breaking my heart idk why. All of the phantoms break my heart. I don’t want to imagine anything abt them if I do because if I imagine them having even a fraction of sentience I’m heartbroken. Imagine being unable to prevent something from possessing you. Imagine your body and soul being used to tear your home apart— imagine seeing any of that through your own eyes. Imagine seeing your own kid after years of thinking them missing. I would genuinely not be able to handle that. It’s giving the Last of Us zombies where they’re completely aware and conscious throughout the first phase. Scared . Heartbroken .

Anyways, this au is 100000/10 I need you to know this. YOUR MIND IS SO SO BRILLIANT!!! I’m probably gonna keep rereading everything you’ve written so far about it because I’m having so many brain worms . So so many. Sorry for this ramble!! Please ignore this ask if for any reason I might have said something you didn’t like >:]]]] I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR!!!!

;-; ty so much for your kind words anon I am injecting them into my veins to continue writing. You have said nothing wrong, rambles are nice to receive, though my ask box is a bit cluttered at the moment and I am super busy so getting to things in a timely manner is not something I am able to do.

Riddle! Yutu was the first one to get a post, and I am tempted to re do it as I was still figuring out the format. He hates his dad because he wasn't there for him when he was a child and he doesn't know why. In the good timeline he's something of a daddy's boy; he really wants Riddle to be proud of and praise him

After I finish editing the second part of Rook's post you will be pleased to know the next post is about Jamil. I'm still formulating the outline of it because I've been thinking some thoughts about stars and unique magics

The way I write the phantoms they posses the instincts of their former selves but the individual lacks the input you might associate with consciousness. I'll get more into it in the second half of Rook's post... but there is a degree of awareness of their actions.

There's a lot of tragedy in this ayuu, I'm glad I'm hitting my stride with it c: it's nice to know people are liking it