#and this year has already been so hard that feeling like i'm even more isolated than i was the couple years before

[imafoolishfragilespine]

i'm just like ugh i gotta figure out where to get this x ray and when i should do it this week and i'm just worried about walking in without an appointment even though it says you can and like them not having the machine or a person to do it or whatever since i went into one place on the list already and they did not have x-rays

and then i've got this birthday thing which idk where it's going to be so idk if i should take a lyft or not and then i'll have to either exercise in the morning or choose that as my skip day

and then i'll just be worrying about my test results and not knowing if the doctor is going to call before my follow up or WHAT is going to happen and i just. cannot relax.

i just want to be done with doctors i really fucking do like just tell me what's wrong and let me be DONE like this follow up is gonna be the eighth fucking time i've seen a doctor in some form since all this weird shit started and if i don't get any answers i'm gonna be mad. i mean i'd rather not get bad news of course but i figure things are already mildly crappy in my body so like it's not like i can't get used to that i just can't stand the idea of it getting worse

[mono-blogs-art]

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko - The Lesbian Office RomCom You Needed

Blatant flirting, hilarious misunderstandings, and lesbian shenanigans aplenty - this show is funny, over-dramatic, and most of all gay as hell. Here's my review! Spoiler-free version first, and a more detailed spoiler-y version under the cut. I hope you enjoy!

A quick summary: Overall: 9/10, you should absolutely watch this! Genre: RomCom, with some serious elements and a heartfelt exploration of sexuality Watch if you are looking for... : A silly and fun time, a happy ending, misunderstandings, and character development. Highly recommended to watch this with your partner(s) or your sapphic friends! Watch out for... : Although the tone of the show is mostly comedic, it contains discussion & depiction of homophobia at the workplace and past trauma relating to that Where to watch: Official TL on GagaOOLala, or Fansubs by @furritsubs (highly recommended!)

"Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko" (Ayaka-chan wa Hiroko-senpai ni Koishiteru) is a Jdrama adaption of a manga by the same title. The series premiered this year July 2024 and has wrapped up a short while ago, with a total runtime of 8 episodes of 24 minutes each.

The title of the show already says all; the plot is simple: Junior staff member Ayaka is head-over-heels for Hiroko, her senior at the company she works at. And she has decided to go on the offensive.

There are many obstacles in Ayaka's way: first of all, Hiroko is 13 years older than her (they are 23 and 36), and her superior at the workplace. Hiroko is beloved by both her superiors as well as her staff, so Ayaka's love for her is just one of many. And no matter how blatantly she ups her advances (and girl, she is BOLD), Hiroko is 100% convinced that all the flirting is just misplaced, straight-woman obliviousness.

The irony of it all is that Ayaka is absolutely barking up the right tree, because Hiroko is a lesbian, but has been firmly in the closet at work - something that she has no plans on changing. Her professional life and her personal must stay completely separate, at all cost. The only place she can truly be herself is the lesbian bar she's been a regular at for years.

^ Me when I'm a lesbian disaster doing insane mental gymnastics

However, "giving up" is not in Ayaka's vocabulary. As her seduction attempts keep escalating and being misunderstood, Hiroko's hard exterior begins to crumble bit by bit. Can Hiroko finally overcome her rigid ways, and let herself fall for someone?

Although the show is first and foremost a comedy, both Ayaka and Hiroko as characters are handled really well. They have their own problems, insecurities, reservations about the other, and both have a simple but great arc over the course of the series. Ayaka is discovering her sexuality, something she had never even considered before falling for Hiroko. What does being in love with a woman mean for her future? And Hiroko, who is already very confident in her sexuality, is confronted by her past trauma, and the fact that she's still not ready to come out despite the changing times. And while being undercover has saved her career in the past, it has also made her feel alone and isolated. She likes Ayaka back, but can't allow her true colors to show.

Something that I find very hard to achieve with comedy shows is the switch between funny and serious, and I think that Ayahiro manages this very well. Both of our main characters feel grounded enough in reality that when they get emotional, it feels relatable and sincere. For a silly show like this, striking a balance like that is crucial, and save for a few pacing issues in the later half of the show (that I honestly didn't mind at all), I think the show totally nails it. Ayahiro is not a realistic show, but it contains elements of reality that made me connect to it, despite all the insane shenanigans that go on. And because of that the show made me laugh and cry as much as it did, often in the same episode. It works, and Kudos to the writers (and actors!) for that.

Speaking of actors, one thing I must mention is that the show is very well made. The actors (especially Mori Kanna as Hiroko is the standout for me, she has a natural charisma and gay swagger) do a fantastic job, the leads' chemistry is great. The production overall has some real money behind it, with lots of changing sets that all look great and have been crafted with care. Ayaka's outfits are absolute KILLER, she is giving insane femme energy. The show also looks very pretty, the color graders turn that saturation up to 100 and it fits Ayaka's rose-tinted world well.

That's it for the spoiler-less part, I'll now get into specific characters and plot points with full spoilers up to the end of the series under the cut. If you don't want to get spoiled, I hope the review until now made you want to watch the show for yourself! I hope you enjoy!

First of all I need to disclaim that I have not read the original manga that she show is based on, so I can't compare the series to its original and how the plot is written there. I do intend to read it (I hope it gets localized to German so I can support the official release, but I might check out the English Official TL anyway before that) but for now, I will only judge the series as is.

Ayaka: Our protagonist is a femme fatale, in... another meaning of the word, I guess. She is a disaster, bad at pretty much everything she does except not giving up. Once she has set her mind to something, she will get it done. That leads her to often be inconsiderate and unable to see what others around her are feeling, which goes mostly for her best friend Risa, but also for Hiroko, whose feelings she also fails to consider even when pursuing her. Ayaka has to learn the hard way that her naivete is hurting others, and herself. She hasn't really thought her advances through, simply acting on instinct. But as the series goes on, she takes her feelings and her newly discovered sexuality seriously, and grows comfortable with calling herself a lesbian. She is also unashamedly horny, like, Oh My God, this girl is trying to get laid so bad. This is hilarious and refreshing to see, and although her seduction attempts are often played as comedic, it doesn't feel like she is being ridiculed for her sexuality by the show. Ayaka often crosses boundaries (physical and emotional) with Hiroko, both out of naivite and in deliberate attempts to seduce her. To me this was never truly infuriating, even though sometimes she really did go too far, but for me it always kept in tone with the comedy of the show. Even when Ayaka finally comes out in front of the entire office, she makes it clear that she doesn't want Hiroko to do the same if she's not ready.

Hiroko: Our deuteragonist is probably my favourite character in the show, and I think she's very relatable and well done. As an older lesbian, she's got plenty of experience, having even earned the title of "The Ace" in her lesbian friend circle for being a talented womanizer. But a traumatic experience of losing her last partner due to being found out at the workplace has changed her. She's afraid to get attached, she's unable to let people get close to her true self. So when Ayaka is fighting tooth and nail to get to her, Hiroko is caught in conflict between her feelings of attraction and her past trauma. She does everything in her power to dismiss Ayaka's advances to protect herself, and later when she learns that Ayaka is in fact not straight (duh), she still turns her down to protect Ayaka's (and her own) career. Hiroko is a bit of a conservative - something she's also called out for in her lesbian friend circle - she believes that coming out at work is impossible and irresponsible. And you know, I get it. Not only does she have personal bad experiences with exactly that, it's also not unreasonable to think it would be a bad idea to hook up with your junior of 13 years. Like, I get it girl. Hiroko is clearly attracted to Ayaka, not just physically but also emotionally, because Ayaka is everything Hiroko wants to be but can't. And that leads to Hiroko constantly underestimating Ayaka, even treating her like a child. She thinks Ayaka is not really thinking the gravity of her actions through, and she gets called out for that and has to overcome it. In the end, Hiroko ends up being a character that needs time, and needs to unlearn a whole bunch of shitty behaviour, something the show clearly also shows is being worked on and that Ayaka also respects (more on that later).

Risa: Easily the character I struggled with the most, Ayaka's best friend Risa is complicated. She's very observant but also shy, and secretly harbors a crush on Ayaka. Quietly struggling with her sexuality, she only decides to come out when she realises that Ayaka's feelings for Hiroko are serious. Oh, it's messy! She confesses to Ayaka, who in turn has to struggle with her feelings for someone else, but also not wanting to lose her closest confidant. And to her credit, Risa takes the rejection quite gracefully and continues to support Ayaka in her pursuit of Hiroko. However, Risa also outs Hiroko against her will to Ayaka, which... is just a shitty thing to do, even though she just wanted to help her friend. Good motive, still murder. After the conflict between Ayaka and Risa is resolved, Risa just kind of... is around, quietly worrying in her corner and kind of (in my opinion) overstepping her boundaries with Hiroko. I don't dislike Risa, but I thought her character was not done super well in parts, and although I understand the complicated situation she herself is in, the show doesn't really let her grow as much as the other characters. Anyway, good for her for bagging the hottest chick at the lesbian bar, though. Good for her!

The "break-up": The story's conflict comes to a peak when Hiroko finally realises there is only one way to shut this all down. She needs to fulfill Ayaka's desire, and then turn her down, once and for all. But Hiroko at this point still thinks Ayaka is immature and hasn't really thought her actions through. Ayaka sheepishly asks for a kiss, so Hiroko kisses her. "Now you've achieved everything you wanted." We're done, you can give up on me and this childish crush you have on me. And most importantly, I can let you go, too. Not realising that Ayaka wants much more. She wants a real relationship, she wants the kiss, sex, real emotions, she wants to see Hiroko's true self too. She wants a partnership.

The Finale: With the encouragement of her peers, Ayaka finds the courage to express her feelings to Hiroko one last time. And she finds just the right words to finally get through to her. Hiroko realises how much of an ass she's been all this time, how she ended up hurting the girl she loves and herself by denying herself happiness. This whole scene was so well done (Kudos to Kato Shiho as Ayaka, this is probably her best scene in the entire show), brother I cried so hard. And finally Hiroko can say what she should have a long time ago: "I'm sorry."

One year later: In the show's worst case of bad pacing, we immediately cut from their tearful reunion to "one year later", lol. I don't mind the sudden jump too much, but maybe a bit of a slower fade-out would have softened the blow, because I think a few people probably found this very jarring xD not too bad for me. I was actually positively surprised that we actually get to see the aftermath, see how their relationship has developed a year into it.

I've seen a few people complain about this "no-sex scene" (lol) and I just want to add my two cents. I actually really like how this scene played out, for two reasons. Reason 1 is that it's just very much in-character for Hiroko. We've seen her struggle back-and-forth with the intimacy Ayaka wanted from her for the past 7.5 episodes, and her own internalised homophobia and constant fear of "crossing the line". She's a traumatized person, and it makes total sense to me that even one year into the relationship, she's still struggling with sexual intimacy. Sure, a whole year is a long time not having sex with your partner (even though you both clearly wanted to from day 1) but like... it makes sense for Hiroko. She's still working through the past 10+ years of repression. I do understand how this scene can be interpreted as "the show is afraid to show them being horny and sexy together, they're cowards for making Hiroko so obsessed with Ayaka's "purity" etc" and like, yes, that is a totally valid interpretation, but IMO also a quite bad faith one.

"I'm happy to know you feel that way. Which is why, could you please wait a little more, just until I sort my feelings out?" "What?" "I want to cherish you, Ayaka." "Right." "I'm sorry for everything, Ayaka." "For everything?" "In the end, it seems like I still haven't came out yet. I understand that I'm making you endure something when you don't have to. But… I do want to be with you, and I want to keep my job. I'm really sorry for making you put up with my selfishness."

^ Like, that is the conversation that follows. It's not just about sex for Hiroko, that kind of intimacy holds a deeper meaning to her and she's just not ready for it yet, and trying to sincerely tell her partner that. And when Ayaka reaffirms her willingness to be patient in this scene and is respectful of Hiroko's choice, Hiroko realizes that she's being a stupid coward, and finally makes a decision...

... to come out in front of the whole office, who's been gossiping about their relationship the whole year anyway.

And that is the end of the show!

So really, Hiroko did manage to overcome her fears in the end, and it took her a whole year into a healthy relationship to do so. And I think that is honestly much more realistic than some people would like to believe. Is the smooch in front of the whole office silly and cheesy and over-dramatic? Of course, but that's the entire show so far. And if you think that kiss-and-dip is dumb then I can't help you, I think you just don't like fun.

Oh yeah, and my reason 2 why I thought that no-sex scene was done well is because it's just funny. Ayaka has been DTF since minute 1 of the show, and her still being unable to get it this far into it is just funny. I would have loved a little nod to them finally getting down at the very, very end, but eh, I can live with it like this. They've conquered the emotional hurdles, I'm certain they will cross that other bridge when they get there on their own time.

Conclusion: "Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko" is a great and incredibly funny lesbian show that touched me emotionally much more than I thought it would. It made me cry several times, the production and acting quality positively surprised me, and honestly deserves my Nr 2 spot of favourite Lesbian JDrama after Tsukutabe (which is a 10/10 show) for now. I really hope this type of show gets imitators, adapting relatively short stories into mini-series with great quality. I appreciate the more adult tone of this series, its shameless comedy while still being able to hit serious beats with real emotion. From what I've seen of the BTS, the actors and staff also handled the subject matter with respect and care and had a lot of fun making the show. I don't think a season 2 is needed, but I do hope that the series can inspire more similar works. I love Ayaka and Hiroko, and I'm so happy they got their happy ending, and by God, I hope they have the best sex ever in their beautiful lesbian future. God bless.

That's it from me, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this show as much as I did! Hopefully see you soon!

[oh-no-its-bird]

Chasing Shadows inspired time travel au where Fugaku and Kakashi get zapped to the warring states, but things become tricky when they keep looking to Hikaku as their shared "figure of respect/responsibility" (bc hes the Uchiha head in future Konoha, having lasted long enough to make Fugaku his heir) when at this time he's just barley third in command and Madara is like. RIGHT there.

That's not even mentioning the ticking time bomb of "Kakashi looks like Tobirama did as a child" that's already been established, that's gonna cause problems (half-Hatake Tobirama who's Kakashi's blood uncle agenda goes brrr)

(For those who don't know what Chasing Shadows is, all u really need to know for this is that Kakashi is 6, Fugaku is 19, and Hikaku is the acting Uchiha clan head at 76. A week after his fathers suicide, Kakashi found out he's related to Tobirama via his grandmother, projects on him really fucking hard, and eventually ends up with Hikaku acting as one of multiple mentor figures to him.)

Fugaku, aware that the Uchiha compound of this era isn't uhh. The best place for a Hatake kid who resembles one of their greatest enemies to a suspicious degree: "maybe u should leave actually. Go shack up with the Senju or smthn"

Kakashi, now heavily biased towards the Uchiha bc of Hikaku and Fugaku: "ok but why."

Izuna, standing directly behind him holding a giant mallet:

The Uchiha are arguing ab what they should do w Kakashi and if they should like. Take him as political hostage (assuming, not entirely incorrectly, that he's related to Tobirama and Hashirama) but also like. The Hatake are an isolated clan that famously react very fucking badly when their kids are threatened. So is this a potential political tool for them to use or a ticking time bomb to when they accidentally potentially get a new clan (who's already allied to the Senju) involved in their feud.

The Uchiha writing to Tobirama and Hashirama like "we have ur secret little brother/cousin(?) come talk to us now or he gets it"

"You have our what."

Hashirama is going "ahaha oh nooo my secret little brother,, who I love very much and also know exactly who ur talking about but would love it if u could send a portrait or chakra signature or smthn just to make sure its the right kid,,, u know how it is <3"

I feel like I've used that beat before actually. Which one of my like 20 Kakashi to warring states time travel aus have I pulled this in?? Possibly multiple tbh

Anyways Hashirama also going "oh nooo u have my baby brother,, I guess we have no choice but to talk andmaybedopeace"

Anyways. I need a Hikaku focused character study sooo badd,, the pipe he uses in Chasing Shadows is Madara's, have I mentioned that yet? Bc it totally is and no one really knows that and like. Hikaku sure as fuck won't mention it bc it'd really only bring bad things

Kakashi and Fugaku are making surprised Pikachu faces at Hikaku like every time they see him, neither can get over seeing him this young and not blind and also not in charge. It's unnatural.

Even logically knowing that they can't just place their full trust in him bc hes not their Hikaku, they still can't stop themselves from doing it accidentally— Fugaku is his ward, he was raised by the guy. And Kakashi is a moody 6 year old who only has like 5 actually trusted adult figures in his life and only 3 of those he gives actual respect and Hikaku is one of those 3.

That's totally gonna fuck them over in the future bc, again, Hikaku doesn't know them!!! His clan and his loyalty to Madara + Izuna will always come first over these odd strangers, sorry

Maybe throw Mikoto in too, who's Izuna's granddaughter (that resemblance is gonna cause issues) and Fugaku's begrudging fiance (Hikaku said Fugaku could become clan head on ONE condition— marrying Izuna's granddaughter back into the main line), could be fun

Maybe I'll try to write smthn like this once I'm more into the meat of chasing shadows and have set up the Hikaku-Fugaku-Kakashi dynamic enough that people are invested in it

[campbyler]

our chapters average at 27,000 words, the total fic length is already 3x the average novel length, and we lost one of the authors working on this fic. it must be so nice to only have to endure the wait for a chapter to be uploaded so that you can interact with it rather than being the one to actually write it.

im going to be cruel (no pun intended) to be kind: this is such an intense externalisation of blame. you are the ones in control of the fic length; the chapters could handle some heavy editing and it wouldnt make them any less wonderful (such as regarding the descriptions of mike and will's internal thoughts, not the action between the characters themselves). fic is free and its a gift to be able to read works that inspire our hearts and minds while we wait for the show, but then again, when at the stern of a juggernaut work such as this, one that will inevitably have many followers chomping at the bit on tumblr as well as ao3 (as you designed it to have!), you surely must be aware of something that only usually exists in professional marketing spaces involving customers + brand IP: the relationship between consumer and creator, and what they can give each other.

not 'owe each other' - nothing is owed, except perhaps basic human kindness. fans want your work, and its free, so we should be grateful; likewise, you want readers, feedback and clicks, and that should be free, too. but in order for this to work smoothly, there has to be fair give and take. i mean, if you wanted to monetize the fic i'm sure many people would pay to read it, but thats beside the point here.

what fans of this fic simply want is the same honesty and self-awareness from you that they might expect from any artist who has embarked on such am ambitious project. and this doesnt just mean transparency about potential uploading dates (which is already much appreciated by the majority!), or notifications about how hard it is to balance work and life (something most people on the planet struggle with). it means total honesty and hard answers. people like to know where they stand. plenty of writers (both professional and fan alike) abandon works for months, years at a time, and if the work is THAT good, people will always be thrilled to see a return. it's the mucking people about that is what destroys relationships - no matter how good your reasons are.

your fic is wonderful and very, very memorable. you could take a big, undefined hiatus and people would, im sure, return, including me. seeing you admit that you have been prioritizing this fic over your mental health does not inspire confidence either, or even comfort - do i want to read something that has caused the creator such harm?

i think everything about this process would be happier for everyone if you set boundaries that work for you and didn't place blame elsewhere. after all, as you said, it's just a fanfic. it doesnt matter if you don't finish it. it doesnt matter if it takes all the way to s5 for 10.2 to release. everyone would, though, appreciate you taking a stance and being consistent (and therefore fair) to both yourselves and the readers.

please feel free to not post this publicly or do as you wish with it.

hello! thank you for your feedback and for sharing it in a way that is both kind and respectful. you make many valid points that i agree with -- we are in control of the word counts and could stand to edit down more, and we do recognize where being transparent about the reasons behind the chapter delays might not inspire confidence or comfort. i do, however, think that isolating one response/chain of responses to a particular ask is a little unfair, so i'd like to provide additional context.

i do not think that it's fair to say that we haven't been honest, self-aware, or fair, because we have been incredibly transparent throughout the entire run of the fic (over a year) about our writing process. just last month suni said she hadn't been working on 10.2 at all because abby had been visiting her house, and readily took ownership of that fact. there was a 4-month wait between chapters 9.1 and 9.2, and i was very open about the fact that i simply needed a break for at least the first of those months because i didn't want to write it. we have continued to maintain several times that we are not abandoning the fic, even if it takes longer between chapters, and have tried to stay as active as possible on the blog because we know that seeing us interact with asks Does inspire confidence. if you just scroll down and see how we have answered other asks inquiring about the upload, we responded kindly and respectfully.

what you interpreted as externalization of blame in that one (1!) ask response was me trying to provide perspective to someone who clearly lacked it. we understand that people will be frustrated about chapter delays, especially if we keep pushing them back, and this is also something that we have received feedback about before and tried to implement; however, it is also a double-edged sword where if we don't give an estimated upload, people get upset, or we give an estimated upload that we think is completely reasonable for us to achieve and then hurdles get in the way, whether it's writer's block or work or time with friends. i absolutely get the frustration on the receiving end, but something i have learned from being in this fandom for two years is that a pretty big majority of those who are interacting with fanworks are not creating it themselves, hence why my response -- while snippy and annoyed, because i was matching the energy, and will not apologize for that -- was contextualizing the whys behind the chapter delay: the chapters are long, the fic is long, we are down one entire body from where we started. the intention was not to shuck blame off of ourselves, but i get that intentions don't always translate into effect, so it's understandable that it was received differently.

we don't always respond to things perfectly. when we have a million and one asks inquiring about the next upload, one stray one that comes off the wrong way is likely going to set us off, because we are people, and this is not a job. we have set a boundary by disabling anon, and again, i cannot stress enough how much i appreciate that you've come to us with this feedback off-anon and with respect and decency. i get where you are coming from and again, agree with a lot of your points.

the only other thing i want to make clear is that this fic, no matter how much attention its garnered, should not be treated as a creator/consumer relationship that mirrors anything where the exchange of money is involved. not only is it unfair to apply this standard to fanworks, where it is illegal to monetize such content, but the entire purpose of fanworks is to celebrate what you are a fan of together. when you apply expectations on either end -- i am a fan of this work, therefore, people should create timely content for it; i am creating this fanwork, therefore, people should interact with it -- defeats the entire nature of fan-created work as a whole. while we have continued to be vocally grateful for the love and support our fic has been shown, we both maintain that we would continue writing and continue uploading even if we were getting less than half of the amount of interaction that we do. it's nice to have interaction, but not necessary, because we what write and post is done because we love it, and it's shared so that we can look back on it, so our friends can enjoy it, and anyone else who might want to. we are, of course, excited to share that world with anyone who cares -- we created the blog and the promo because we wanted to share it -- but that does not mean that the relationship between us and our readers should have expectations. we are all creating and enjoying this work for free for the sake of love for the characters, as the star trek obsessed housewives of the 60s (and the law) have intended.

i feel like this response is a bit jumbled so i apologize if anything isn't clear or hard to understand. thank you again for your time!

[theeternalwombtarot]

what’s going on in your friendships

message: friendships and close personal relationships have been a significant thing in my life as of late. I have the tendency to self-isolate in order to remain untriggered because I can't control my environment the way I wish I could when other energies are involved. I've never been super outgoing or social, I enjoy conversation but on my own terms and I'm highly selective about the company I keep and how I choose to share my energy with the world. But, you have to be a whole other level of healed in order to remain energetically grounded where your circumstances or environment are eating away at you. When I have close personal relationships they consume me because I am always so heavily devoted or emotionally involved and so they have the capacity to disarm me or put me in hard places when things go wrong or when something is triggering. I've decided to do this reading in order to give the collective insight on what's going on in their friendships and hopefully give some guidance on what needs to be improved or worked on. Enjoy.

-

I.

There's an energy here about either you or people you were friends with or are friends with carrying the energy of past resentment. In your energy there's an energy of friendship(s) being a touchy subject or something that you've separated yourself from entirely due to bad situations or experiences. In other energies outside of yours, there could be someone or even a few people who hold ill energy towards you or have negative perceptions of you based on a falling out or you outgrowing them. There's energy of betrayal or someone revealing themselves to you or double-crossing you and you having to turn inwards or go into hermit mode in order to recover and swearing off friendships or become more opposed or narrowing your scope for what is acceptable in your friendships. Someone had high expectations already but they're even higher now. I'm listening to the song "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. She says in the song, "I've died 100 times." someone has been burned a lot or has a very extensive painful history in close relationships both platonic and romantic that require trust and respect to be equal and held at high regard.

Someone had a friend who was troubled or had a tendency to mess things up for themselves or be deceptive or throw stones and hide their hands I'm hearing. Pile one you may have developed a thing for the underdog or in the past had a subconscious pull to people who had heavy trauma-filled backgrounds or carried with them a lot of karmic energy or karmic behaviors and cycles. This may have been a theme for the vast majority of your close personal relationships for the past couple of years. You constantly ran into people who didn't value themselves and therefore didn't know your value and people who would always have an internal tendency to not know what they'd lost until you'd walked away from them. You may have had to make a difficult decision here that resulted in you letting go of several friends and/ or lovers or significant people in your life that you carried on your back for the past couple of years. You learn lessons primarily through people and relationships and you eventually outgrew or broke out of karmic cycles and behaviors and you had to decide whether or not you wanted a new beginning or not.

You may currently feel a lot of grief or be in the process of mourning past versions of yourself or past versions of your life and the people who were in it although you're done with them now. There's healing that needs to be addressed regarding betrayal and heartbreak regarding your friendships and relationships. Right now you are in a state of recovery here, I'm seeing imagery of someone in a deep sleep or in a comatose like state like sleeping beauty or something, the body has the ability to heal or recover faster through sleep, you may feel somewhat unresponsive towards people coming towards you seeking friendships or companionship.

You're deciding what it is you want in a friendship and doing what you can possible to come into alignment with what that looks like, you've essentially had to start from scratch or build your life and yourself up again from the ground up. You have nothing left from the life you used to live. You've had to and are in the process of manifesting everything that you desire. You are no longer in a state of your life or on the chronological divine timeline where you are having to live with the cards you are dealt and make the best of it or learn the right lessons for what you are given. You have essentially aged out of and graduated out of the divine's guardianship over you as a spiritual minor. Now it's your choice what it is you get to have, what you get to make, what you wanna see, what you wanna put up with, and with whom.

-

II.

You could feel called to power through and carry on even though you could be experiencing or have experienced significant hardship in your friendships. You may have a tendency to suppress your emotions regarding loss or you have remained in survival mode for years at a time so much so you may be someone who is always in autopilot or doesn't stop too often to process loss in full even if you're a heavily emotionally driven individual who needs time for recovery and needs time to heal so that you can thrive. I just heard someone's a water sign but operates like an earth sign to keep up appearances or maintain a hard exterior or escape the symptoms that come with heartbreak or grief. like if you can imagine the spectral difference between Cancer and Capricorn as a moon sign placement. You may carry a mindset that the entire world has always been against you or that you're not a particularly popular individual wherever it is you reside.

People may make up stories about you, spread rumors, some people fear you heavily while on the other side of the spectrum others may believe you're a coward or deserve to be mistreated or beat down as much as possible. People don't know who you are or know your heart due to some circumstances that were outside of your control and some that were. By the time you'd established or came to terms with the fact that you wanted to be around others, felt isolated, or felt scared and mistreated it was too late because people already had such large negative perspectives and opinions about you. I just heard "you think I want to be like this?" someone has been alienated or is treated like an abomination or as though they are unacceptable. You may also find you have a hard time networking or accessing opportunities you feel you'd have rights to if not for your reputation, not even just work opportunities, social ones as well, people don't want to be around you or people have a tendency to reject you or you feel you aren't able to reach people you love fully due to a lack of self worth or a skewed perception of yourself.

You've lost hope of profound connection within your friendships (you could've had a close friend before that you held onto past a healthy point or even throughout their betrayal or mistreatment of you due to the fact that you felt like if you released them you'd face eternal loneliness. I'm hearing this person could've exploited you for your resources or used you or subjected you to some sort of abuse repeatedly and you didn't/couldn't hold them accountable only the two of you know about this or people know but it's not a well spread secret. I'm hearing this person could've also potentially r*ped, s*xually assaulted you or used you to experiment or fill the void of their own loneliness and desperation.) You could've also potentially lost a romantic connection or loss hope in prospect of love as well or you may have convinced yourself you'll end up unmarried or in short term surface level relationships for the rest of your life.

You could have this large tendency to be so resistant of change whether it's for the best or not or whether it's gonna be in your best interest or not and this has worked against you. You have wounds that have been left open and are gaping because you refuse to stop and get help or allow yourself to heal and recover. You have things that need to be said that won't ever be at your own hand. You won't allow yourself to have anything because other people decided you shouldn't have anything. You could be so happy and so free of spiritual and emotional burden if you would just allow yourself to heal and do the inner work. Return to any avenues and paths you've left unpaved or any loose ends you've left untied and clean up things in order to free yourself. You may have to come to terms with the fact that not everything can be mended, reconciled, or redelivered back to you in the way you want or within the time frame you desire though pile two. You aren't the only person on the planet contrary to your beliefs, the people who were on it with you who you shared your energy with or who you shared your energy with have their own reservations, their own stories or versions of what happened whether they are truthful or not.

-

III.

You have an unnatural allegiance to losers and it's unlike you. You may have a tendency to make friends or make connections out of necessity or out of fear of loneliness. You are what you attract, you may have a tendency to constantly fall back into karmic cycles or run around in circles in terms of life lessons. you're someone who takes a long time to learn things you need to learn. You could be an air sign or a water sign. You have the tendency to take a lot of short cuts or do things to try and make yourself have an easier time assimilating or blending in after years of rejection from personal places or have people and places that large significance in your life or things you spent a lot of time around, peers at school, parents, siblings, family. You can also have a tendency to be impressionable you might have picked up a lot of nasty habits or behavioral patterns or karmic ties due to the type of people you choose to be around and attract. There's something here about your spirit being young or you being someone who has a tendency to act out or has a difficult time making their own decisions including responsible ones or doing what's best for you when it needs to be done.

You have a parent or parents who play a huge role in the way you process situations and carry yourself in general. You weren't taught or raised up to be an adult or aren't/weren't offered the proper tools to build a sense of self that was adequate for someone who needed to navigate in this world. I just heard the words "hurt people hurt people" you may have the tendency to self destruct and in turn be destructive to others. You carry with you either a lot of guilt or on the far end of the spectrum a large lack of accountability and willing ignorance about the part you played in conflicts or how your actions may have effected someone or a situation. You're constantly feeling very stagnant, burnt out, drained or low on energy and a lot of this is reflective of some of your choices, your choices in company, your behavioral patterns, karmic cycles and even potentially addictions if you've picked up any vices that you should've stayed far away from.

You may be in a place in your relationships where you're at a crossroads about if you should trust your intuition and the divines organization of change and chaos and move forward or do the right thing and allow yourself to fully outgrow and separate from people, things, places, etc. you've carried with you or collected along the way for fear of loss. Behaviors and karmic cycles and habits as well. I say relationships instead of just friendships because you have a tendency to make bad decisions in both your romantic and platonic relationships and connections and your karma is coming at you from both ends. There's fear here though regarding letting go. The deeper issue or root cause of this need to collect things comes from fear of abandonment, being disliked or perceived negatively or not being able to control the feeling you may feel about not having anyone to fall back onto/into.

You could've lost a friend or a person of value that you pushed away or that woke up to something or had some sort of truth revealed to them about you and actions you may have had a habit of committing to behind their back in regards to them. This person won't reconcile with you or you know that anyone of value that you lost along the way or anyone who may bring you solace has walked away. But, spirit has set your revelation or your healing process or tower moment up this way for you so that you have the chance to fully and wholeheartedly see what is going on or what needs to be done. I just heard "you're so far removed from source." The only way out is through and there might be a lot of grief that you may have to receive or make your way through before you can come out the other end changed and in alignment with what needs to be done or what's in store for you. You need to heal or come back into alignment. I'm getting imagery of someone detoxing or withdrawal from drugs or alcohol. this could be something you may have to actually experience or a figurative representation of what the process of healing and recuperation may look like for you because there is a lot that needs to be purged.

But, after all of this, if you do the inner work, there is promised stability and alignment for you.

-

channeled song for this reading:

[galedekarios]

Hey there! You're one of the best Gale-ish devnotes\datamines sources that I know of, so I might as well ask. I remember that at some point Gale mentions taking part in Blackstaff Academy balls (or something like that). Is it mentioned elswhere, and do we have any details on his involvement in such activities? Need that for science\personal lore, and I'd appreciate any info (including EA), if you have time. Thanks!

thank you for your message and i'm sorry for the belated response!

i took my time to comb through everything and sadly, the banter with wyll is the only instance i could find of gale mentioning a ball at blackstaff academy:

gale & the annual blackstaff's ball

gale: i knew you were a graceful man, wyll, but i hear you're quite the dancer too. gale: i've been known to trip the light fantastic myself. mine was a popular hand at the annual blackstaff's ball. wyll: i'd have love to have witnessed it, gale. i wager you are as elegant on the dance floor as you are on the battlefield.

the only other banters i could find that are only loosely related. some give us glimpses into his life at the academy, others into his life in waterdeep.

here's another story about gale & being a young student at blackstaff academy, which triggers in the wizard tower in the underdark:

gale & the death slaad

gale: ah. quite. a misadventure from my days as an apprentice at blackstaff academy. gale: i was but a child, only a few months into my studies, but already i knew i was destined for greatness. no one believed me, of course, so i decided to prove it. to cast a spell with the blackstaff itself. gale: from one perspective, i succeeded. i opened a portal. however, instead of pointing it at the first year dormitory, i found myself pulled into limbo, facing a very irritated death slaad. gale: fortunately, the blackstaff himself came to the rescue, hauling me back from the brink, and straight into several months of writing lines. or rather, finessing my autograph. gale: now, much as i enjoy reminiscing about such tomfoolery, i believe we've more pressing matters at hand. is there anything else?

this dialogue path from the epilogue has him speaking a bit more about those days as well:

gale & his days as a wayward apprentice

gale: teaching at blackstaff academy has proven such an unexpected pleasure. sometimes i find it hard to tear myself away. gale: just one of the myriad unexpected ways life has delighted me in recent months. gale: even my own city feels new to me, now that i share it with you. player: probably because i make you put down your quill once in a while and enjoy it. gale: that you do. i've not had so much fun in waterdeep since my own days as a wayward blackstaff apprentice. gale: you've certainly made quite the impression on my friends down at the yawning portal. the last i heard, they were thinking of naming a drink after you.

while he seems to have enjoyed a much richer social life in waterdeep before his time of isolation, it's mentioned in another epilogue banter (devnotes) that he didn't seek out any of the more dangerous parts of the city.

there are also other banters about gale's life in waterdeep before the game:

gale & the temple of beauty in waterdeep

gale: i must tell you, shadowheart, the bathing waters here leave much to be desired. gale: the ablutions offered at the temple of beauty in waterdeep are far superior. and they have the most excellent soaps. shadowheart: hmm. i was wondering why you always smelled like a wealthy dowager.

gale & spending time in the hospice of st. laupsenn

wyll: this was a hospital? feels more like a prison. gale: a common enough interpretation. sickness has a nasty habit of making you feel trapped, if only within the confines of your body. gale: i once spent weeks convalescing in the hospice of st. laupsenn after a nasty bout of ruddy pox. for all their kindness, leaving that place behind felt like freedom to me. wyll: i’ve always relied on the kindness of the healers and menders of the coast. better a cleric’s healing touch than a chirurgeon’s scalpel.

gale & florist

lae'zel: these flowers are quite vivid - not to mention, pungent. not to my liking. gale: are there no flowers in tu'narath? lae'zel: in the city of death, the mlar cultivate the fruiting bodies that sprout from the corpses of the slain. gale: i'd rather get them from my florist in waterdeep, if it's all the same to you.

i'm also including this banter between wyll and gale here because it speaks (even if somewhat joking) about his upbringing as a whole by morena:

wyll: i admire your courage, gale. gale: thank you. any particular reason? wyll: between the orb and the bug, you've got more than your fair share of unwelcome passengers. gale: what can i say? mother always taught me to be a gracious host.

we also know that he has had multiple tutors:

lae'zel: you strike me cleverer than most istiki, gale. multiple tutors, i should guess. gale: many a wise man and woman indeed. waterdeep is the home of myriad scholars. wyll: ah, the city of splendours. spent a whole fleetswake there with my father. what a delight.

hiring tutors appears to be relatively common in waterdeep:

so while this sadly wasn't what you were looking for, i hope this is helpful to some degree! 🖤

[yanxidarlings]

YANDERE HP GOLDEN ERA: SLYTHERIN BOYS X DORMMATE READER PT2

so more of the slytherin boys was in the lead last night and inspiration struck, but i still will be doing whichever option has the most votes by the end of the week, and eventually i'll probably have all of the concepts up, if you haven't already you can vote here.

so i did more reading up on mattheo and lorenzo, and i honestly don't know where to pick up from, i'm thinking of making this my main concept for yandere hp and building on it.

the last post specified the darling as the dormmate of our dear slytherin boys here, but many of the headcanons can be applied to a fem darling, or darling from another house. it's quite intriguing to imagine someone who had grown up close to draco, theo, ect. getting sorted into a different house; i can honestly see this being a trigger for the boys' yandere tendencies to develop.

sure theo was attached before, but he had never even entertained the possibility of not getting sorted into slytherin together. and what do you mean the darling won't be there to knock draco down a peg when he won't stop talking down to goyle?. how is blaise supposed to get through seven years of not watching his darling everynight whilst they sleep?

i might expand on this in my future ravenclaw (possibly hufflepuff) posts. for now i want to delve into the individual yandere characteristics of each slytherin (i'm considering adding pansy, adrian, other slytherins) to the concept if anyone else is interested.

DRACO MALFOY (cast tom felton):

i think i've made it painfully obvious draco is alot to deal with as a yandere. he's got a bit of everything and even more; but overall, he is overwhelmingly obsessive. his obsession is driven by irrepressible thoughts of his darling. ever since he was a child, separating from them has simply felt wrong, i think he's likely to have known the darling the longest, perhaps having grown up close to them.

maybe his darling is a member of the black family, or a lestrange, or hails from another prominent family, thus he has been brought up closely next to them.

there's no one he feels more comfortable around, his darling is his home, which would be sweet if he weren't willing to kill and maim others to keep his darling with him.

his darling was probably hoping, praying to get sorted into any house but slytherin, it didn't take a ravenclaw to know draco would only get worse if they shared a dorm/common room. immediately, he claims the bed next to his darling, and already has pestered his father into arranging them a private dorm together, but that old oaf dumbledore refused because "all students must be treated equally." what bullshit. if you ask draco.

he won't let his darling interact with anyone "don't lower yourself and associate with the likes of them" and socially isolates them. don't you dare wander off, it'll end in the biggest tantrum, and don't even think about dating, the entire slytherin dorm will implode on itself.

draco needs constant attention, his darling is all he thinks about so he expects them to only think about him as well. you'll quickly learn that it's best to give draco the attention he wants. it's not that he plans to give his darling a hard time, but he becomes moody, both mean and clingy at the same time. he'll have his arm around his darlings waist whilst accusing them of being a blood traitor, and attacking their insecurities, then a few hours later he crawls into bed whispering sweet nothings.

it leaves his darling on the edge, because sometimes these mood swings happen even when paying him the attention he so desperately craves.

this could lead to his darling keeping a facade up in front of him, so he has less ammunition during his mood swings, but if he suspects his darling of not being as open and comfortable around him as he is them, all hell breaks loose.

THEODORE NOTT (fancast lorenzo zurzolo):

but he's not as sensitive about his darlings perception of him as theo is. perhaps sensitive isn't the correct word as much as demanding. theodore demands his darling be open and honest with him, he wants to know about every ache and thought they have. however he is best characterised as a possessive yandere. above all he cannot live with the thought of sharing his darling with anyone.

sharing, in theo's mind, is anyone even casting a glance upon his darling. why isn't his company enough? why does his darling have to interact with undeserving rodents like malfoy, potter and the weasleys? he would completely abandon his life outside of his darling if they just asked would anyone else do that for them? no!.

they're the person that matters most to him, and he wants to be the only person his darling cares about as well.

theodore has likely known his darling since childhood, perhaps they shared similarly harsh parents/guardians, and bonded over that. it would make it all the more easier to theo to manipulate them into staying close to him.

his company is not as dreadful as draco's, and he doesn't demand physical affection and praise as much as the latter does, not if his darling is not willing. but there is still a part of him that yearns to press up against them and never let go.

he simply cannot handle his darling distancing themselves from him, and is quick to resort to threats, blackmail, emotional manipulation, anything that he thinks will keep him and his darling close.

he is another one who will shamelessly confess his love and attraction to his darling, and has already 'claimed' them in a strange way; everyone at hogwarts seems to identify theo out of the slytherin boys as the one the reader is 'dating', to theo's delight. his darling doesn't have to agree with the rumours or even think of them as a couple, as far as he's concerned, they've been together since they met.

MATTHEO RIDDLE (fancast benjamin wadsworth):

the only one who i imagine the darling meets when they start at hogwarts is mattheo. whichever year he starts at hogwarts, he's immediately intrigued by them (for whatever reason). maybe the rest of his dormmates take poorly to his blood status, and the darling is the first to welcome him, or maybe ol' moldy voldy has tasked him with extracting something from the reader.

no matter what jumpstarts his obsession, it develops at an alarmingly fast rate, one week he's glancing over at them in class, the next he's invading their thoughts whilst they sleep and following them in the halls.

his darling likely won't take too easily to his sudden interest in them, they've already been dealing with several unsettling slytherins for years, and are probably always on guard.

not like mattheo cares. if he wants to be close to them, he will. he knows draco and his gang have to treat him with courtsey if they want their families to stay in the dark lords good graces, as does his darling. so he inserts himself (quite violently) into his darlings life.

it should be harder than it is considering his short temperament and his darlings cautious nature, but he's able to understand his darling on an intense level due to his inherited legilimency.

no matter how uncomfortable his darling is around him, he can just invade their mind and lock them in a room with him if he wants to spend time with them. and he always gets what he wants.

he seldom reveals that he is reading their mind, lest they feel the need to develop occlumency. it also gives him a kick knowing their raw thoughts, he could never even say a word to his darling and still know them better than anyone else does. including the other slytherins.

deep down mattheo's incredibly insecure about his connection with his darling; out of theo, blaise, goyle, enzo, draco, he's known them for the least amount of time. he's the only half-blood. he's evil incarnate son of the dark lord himself. he'd only bring them pain and suffering but he can't bring himself to let go of them either.

whilst theo, draco, enzo and even goyle will confess their affection for their darling, and perhaps admit to what they've done, mattheo will only do the latter, and does not provide any context as to why he hexed weaslette after the darling complimented her quidditch skills, nor will he elaborate on why he must take showers at the exact same time as his darling everyday.

BLAISE ZABINI (cast louis cordice):

blaise shares his concealed affection for the darling. you could be none the wiser to his deep seeded affetion for you for years only to suddenly be told that he's your betrothed and now he refers to himself as your fiance and invites you to sleep in his bed as if it's the most normal thing ever.

among them all, blaise is the most calm and calculated. he knows that following his darling around and monopolising their interactions makes him look bad but sometimes he just can't help it. he has to sneer at granger who the darling got paired with in potions, and make remarks about how disgusting muggle and mudbloods are.

but he doesn't think he's better than muggleborns; he thinks he's better than everyone. i think blaise is the most likely to develop an obsession for a shallow reason, maybe the readers is aphrodite personified, hails from a prominent pureblood family that his mother is encouraging him to marry into or is incredibly intelligent, their actual character couldn't matter less to him. from the moment he decides they're his, they're his.

blaise is uniquely one of the only ones who actually wants his darling to love and show him affection of their own accord (meaning he would be nice enough to give them amortentia).

he wants them to be happy, but he also wants them to be entirely dependent on him. he takes on a sort of big brotherly role, he encourages them to eat and sleep well. he wants to be the one they ask opinions on outfits, schoolwork, ect. he thinks if they rely on him for everything, it'll be impossible for them to leave.

LORENZO BERKSHIRE (fancast louis patridge):

out of all of them, enzo is by far the 'softest', as mentioned in the previous post, he's the 'sane, normal' one out of all of them. he doesn't act strangely creepy (sorry blaise it's true), disturbingly controlling (don't deny it mattheo), possessive, obsessive or devoted to them. he comes across as the 'best friend', the sidekick in every romance novel that offers advice and stays out of the drama.

this is because he initially see's his fixation on his darling as nothing but a desire to protect them from those lunatics he and his darling call 'friends'. but why does his heart drop when he see's them getting pulled into a room by mattheo, or when blaise stares at them as if they are a veela. it's not jealousy it's concern for his poor mate. yeah, that's it.

and why can't he stand to be left out of their attempts to evade the others, or when they don't confide in him, whether their troubles are slytherin related or not.

he's probably the only one who realises how messed up what they all do is, the rest justify it, but when enzo eventually gives in to his obsession he doesn't pretend to be in the right. he's apologetic but he just can't let them go.

the only thing that would set him off would be them distancing themselves from him. he can handle sharing, but the idea of his darling avoiding him, not viewing him as the safe haven from the rest really drives him to insanity.

i also think lorenzo would be the one who convinces everyone to share their darling once shit hits the fan and everyone wants to take the reader for themself.

GREGORY GOYLE (cast josh herdman):

goyle is honestly just happy he gets to be around his darling. yeah, it would be nice if he could have them to himselves, and not just be a lackey for draco to sabotage the others. maybe his darling treats him with a bit more benevolence and he's grown attached to them over the years.

always willing to lend a helping hand, i think he's the least possessive out of all of them, and is best characterised as a devoted yandere. whilst the rest of them want to maintain some level of control over the reader, he's content just being near them. he doesn't even have to talk to them but it's a plus.

i wonder if he's actually as bad at school as he acts or if he just doesn't bother listening so that the darling has to dedicate time to tutoring him. no one knows.

goyle will really have to fight tooth and nail to be apart of the sharing arrangement enzo, draco, theo, mattheo and blaise somehow eventually come to. (that i will expand upon in a future post because this is getting long).

[sailingfireshipz]

Ok so this is my discourse in response to @stellariders post a while back. Linked at the end.

1. Kelly should have been captain 3-4 seasons ago and I'm tired of them using the excuses of paperwork or being behind a desk because I've seen Van Meter behind a desk & talking about about how backed up they are on cases which is PAPERWORK. When he is in the field, it's after all the "action" that they speak so highly of has already taken place & it's more so like solving a puzzle rather than running into a fire. Atp I'd respect it more if they said Kelly can't be captain because he can't be Stella's commanding officer at the same house.

2. I'm sorry. I love Hermann however I'm struggling with seeing how the hell I'm supposed to take him seriously as captain on a scene or call when they've NEVER shown him in that light. The last time I saw him really fired up regarding a call was the factory fire. Also they haven't shown an ounce of Hermann actually preparing or studying for the exam. So we're supposed to believe that the same Hermann that failed the LT exam how many times passes the captain test on the first try? OK...

3. Mouch doing more has at least been foreshadowed now for a while. The episode in which he saved that kid & Casey talked about the retirement age going up. Also, Mouch has at least been acknowledged by the CFD with a commendation back in S9 & helped out with Paramedicine. We've seen his journey & arc build a little bit more than Hermann, so even if it wasn't for a potential Stella pregnancy on the horizon, I could still rationalize Mouch wanting to do more. We've never seen that same arc for Hermann, so it makes it hard for me to get behind it.

4. The disparity in storytelling amongst the cast is starting to become problematic for me. Stella & Ritter are the main two that stand out to me in this moment, but I'm sure there are more examples. Ritter has been on this show in some capacity since season 7... there is absolutely no reason why he has been treated like a background player all this time & is just now starting to get an inch of more screen time when Carver has had MULTIPLE arcs of the course of his FIRST season & now this one. Hell Novak is in her first season as a series regular & we already know a little bit about her past & what makes her tick. Not even about to start in on Stella because yall already know how I feel about it however what I will say is Stella Kidd deserves more than 1 GOF episode a season & 1 episode where she's fighting for the underdog. All of her other stories are directly or indirectly associated with Kelly/Stellaride/ white men, causing her unnecessary grief.... Casey never had this many damn personnel issues in the 10 years he was on T81. I'll leave it at that.

5. I'd love for Squad 3 to get some new blood. Not saying I want anyone to go anywhere, but I'd love to see Kelly Severide have to navigate teaching & training someone new. Add another man or woman to the crew & let's really see how Kelly's leadership comes through.

Same for Engine 51... like i find it interesting that they gave Ritter up to Truck yet won't commit to Kylie joining Engine full-time. Like outside of Hermann, who the hell else do we now know on engine? No one..

6. I'm confused by how close Kelly & Pascal have gotten in such a short amount of time. Historically, Kelly has always been very reserved when it comes to change, especially change in power dynamics. I also find it interesting that they continue to isolate him for the other members that he's worked alongside for much longer yet have planted this Pascal & Severide relationship dynamic. We've been asking for Kelly & Violet since S11... hell the Kelly & Mouch episode we got in S11 was adorable. I'd take him, Ritter & Carver, yet we're getting him & Pascal who clearly has an issue with Stella, his wife. Feels intentional

7. If they are committed to not actually giving Stella an appropriate backstory, then they should at least commit to strengthening her bonds in the house. They did that really well in earlier seasons, like mentioned about her relationship with Enily Foster. Same can be said with Casey, Otis, Gallo, Boden & Kylie but none of those people outside of Kylie are on the show anymore. Felt like when Stellaride got married, they were like alright no more family dynamics with anyone else except for Kelly & thats so not fair to her character. She mentioned it to Boden that her real family is the house. OK, so let her actually build out more relationships with the people that are there now.

8. I know I'm a vocal Newman critic, but I also like to think I give credit where credit is due. I made a few posts ranting & raving about how S12 for what it was (short, needed to be executed quickly) was a REALLY good season. It's why I was so excited for S13, but we're 8 episodes in & i fear we've lost the plot. Like, i go into these episodes with such high hopes because the meat is THERE yet walk away from some of them wondering wtf was that. Like, I'm almost wondering if S12 was so good for her because it was shorter, so there wasn't much room for filler because it honestly fills like she doesn't know what to do with 22 episodes. Grant it, we have an entire back half of the season to go, so I could be speaking too soon. However, I don't know what to even anticipate for the rest of S13.. like i have concepts & my own personal wants, but I don't have actual faith that it'll come to life because everything she's teased thus far has been so far from expectations.

Damon had so much more potential. As a firefighter, brother, & brother in law. That baby convo could have touched on so much more of Stella's fear & what the actual cause of that dread she spoke about could be coming from. Violet could have actually apologized to Carver & explained her grief/ why that caused her to ice him out. Even if they didn't make up right away, it would have set the groundwork for what they'd work towards if they're actually endgame(sometimes i don't know). Ritter getting blown out of a window could have been dug into a little deeper. Even the blood program that Novak proposed a call linking to why it is so important would have just driven the messaging home.

I saw a tweet a while back that basically said it's not character or plot development if it happens off screen & we never see it. It feels as if recently a lot is playing in the background or off the pages that we're somehow supposed to know is going on without ever seeing or hearing it. I love this show, this cast & think if shows like the Law & Order franchise or Grey's can be on air for decades, then so can Fire. I really hope the back half of S13 kicks it into high gear & starts connecting dots for me because I want to get renewed for 3-5 more seasons! I'm simply not ready to let them go, especially when there's so much left in the tank they just need to have the right pieces in the right places to execute effectively. 😫

As always, thanks for coming to my rant session. Let me know your thoughts & opinions below. I'm always up for a healthy debate or yap session. Check out @stellariders original post here.

[stylesispunk]

The great war | part I |

"And maybe it was egos swinging, maybe it was her, flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur"

part 2, part 3 part 4, part 5 | masterlist

series summary: After things fell apart it seemed that Joel and you were falling into pieces.

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

word count: 1.2k

warning: angst, established relationship (complicated though) hints to cheating, age gap (Reader is in her late 20s, Joel is in his late 40s), mentions of stillborn baby, please don't read if you feel it triggers.

A/n: English is not my first language and it has been YEARS since I last wrote something that wasn't academic or formal for my job, so please forgive any mistake. (I´m posting it before I regret it and I delete it)

Three weeks had passed since that night and currently, things weren't fine. 

It seemed that you had barely seen Joel these days, other than sleeping next to each other. 

You watched Joel from your seat on the front porch of your house.  You were enveloped by the bracing air that gently kissed your cheeks. The surroundings were adorned with a soft layer of snow, lending an ethereal scene. The same scene you were witnessing in front of you. You watched with intrigue as he and her interacted nearby. Their voices carried through the coldness, their laughter creating a soft warmth in the chilly air. 

You felt betrayed. 

He didn't spend time with you. What is more, he'd spent every day since that day with Lucy. And you knew, in the bottom of your heart that she felt like a wave of fresh air for Joel. She was kind, brave, strong, and a beautiful woman. She reminded him of you, but happier. A happy soul, free from the trauma you had been through. It seemed like he enjoyed the days with her. He seemed happier.

And you didn't.

A pang of jealousy bubbled inside you

He was laughing with another woman.

He was finding comfort in another person.

He was laughing.

and you were grieving.

"You two ever going to speak again?" Ellie spoke gently, taking a seat next to her on the bench. 

"Drop it, Ellie. I can't handle this right now" Your voice, hoarse

"I'm sorry, but I can't just ignore how much you're hurting. You need to talk about it." 

You inhale and sigh before speaking again " I don't know how, Ellie. Every time I look at him, I'm reminded of that night."

"I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. But you can't blame him entirely."

As Ellie's words settled in, you felt a mix of emotions swirling within you. The pain from that night still lingered, leaving you vulnerable and guarded. It was difficult for you to see beyond that hurt. 

"It's not just that. I feel so isolated. Look at him, he seems pretty happy with Lucy", you admitted, rubbing your face in frustration. 

Ellie reached out your hand to hold it and give some kind of comfort

" It's okay to feel lost and confused right now. Emotions are complicated, especially after what happened" she spoke softly.

Your tears were already streaming down your cheeks.

"It hurts so much, Ellie. I can't see a way to move past this." 

Ellie couldn't take it anymore and wrapped her arms around you

"I know it's hard, but you're stronger than you realize. You're ready, talk to him" 

Sniffling, you said "I don't even know where to start" You finally took a deep breath. "But it's worth a try. I don't want to lose him either."

Ellie smiled, wiping your tears. "You won't lose me, never, nor him. We're a family"

You sat there in silence for a moment, a sense of comfort settling between the both of you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sat silently as the weight of your heartache and your worst nightmares consumed you. Ellie had fallen asleep, leaving you with the perfect opportunity to speak to Joel, who had just returned home.

He seemed surprised when he saw you standing there in your living room. You had been avoiding him for the last three weeks. 

You approached him carefully.

"I can make dinner," You piped up, trying to mask your deep emotions with a hopeful smile. "And maybe we could finally talk" your voice, unsure. 

but surprisingly, Joel's response was cold and defensive "Now you wanna talk? I already ate with Lucy and the guys."

Rhia's heart sank at the mention of Lucy, the woman who had seemingly captured Joel's attention. 

She couldn't bear it anymore, so she voiced her feelings "I'm glad you're having fun with her."

Joel chuckled, but Rhia saw through the facade. "You're being unfair, you know," he retorted.

The tension in the air was palpable, and Rhia's emotions overflowed. 

"Rhia". He began "You're hurting, and I understand, but..."

She interrupted with a low voice "Understand? It wasn't you who had to-" Rhia couldn't hold

"I lost a child before, Rhia", Joel admitted solemnly. "And you're not the only one who lost her. She was my child too." 

Rhia couldn't hold the pain anymore. She couldn't bear the weight of her grief. "It was me who birthed a baby who did not survive. It was me the one who killed her own baby! I- I'm broke. I can't sleep. And all you do is spend time with Lucy as if it's your way of coping."

"I'm not spending all the time with her " Joel's face hardened. "But we both know, at least she-"

"At least she what?" Rhia pushed.

"She is not weak" Joel stated firmly.

Rhia chuckled bitterly, her pain transforming into resentment. She felt betrayed.

"Do you like her?" feeling she was finally losing the man in front of her. 

Joel's silence confirmed her worst fears, and even if it wasn't true, he couldn't control her voice anymore, and her voice trembled "You like her. Go to her. Sleep with her, and have a baby with her. Maybe she can keep that baby alive." The last hurt her more. 

Joel's response was bitter and venomous, leaving Rhia feeling sick. "Maybe I will" he spat, taking steps towards her "Maybe I will sleep with her". 

Tears streamed down your cheeks as your heart broke all over again within those weeks and before you could even say something, Ellie came running down the stairs.

"Take that back, you asshole!" Ellie pointed at Joel, her voice filled with anger and defiance.

Rhia tried to handle the situation, urging Ellie to go back to her room, but the young girl wouldn't budge. Her heart ached for the woman who was the closest thing she had as a mother. 

Tears streamed down your cheeks. Her heart ached. 

"Ellie, go to your room," You whispered, pleading with her.

"Rhia..." Ellie pleaded, concerned. 

"It's okay. I will handle this," Your voice barely audible, the last bit of strength. 

Ellie reluctantly agreed and walked back upstairs, not before sending daggers to Joel.

"Rhia, promise me you won't leave."

"I promise" Your voice 

Left alone again with Joel, Rhia felt her heart breaking as he took a few steps toward her. She couldn't bear to be near him anymore.

"Stop. Please." Rhia's voice was filled with heartbreak.

Joel whispered her name, trying to reach out to her, but Rhia yanked her arm away, unable to be physically touched by him. 

"No. Fuck you. You can't take that back" she declared; her voice determined.

She knew what she had to do now. "This is over. I'm done with you," she said, defeated. 

Joel stood there, speechless. 

Rhia turned away from him, walking upstairs. She made up her mind.

She was leaving him in the morning, even if it meant breaking her promise to Ellie.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joel arrived home early in the morning. A bouquet of flowers in his hands, an attempt to mend the hurt he caused the previous night. He knew the hurtful words he had said had caused permanent pain in her heart, but he was determined to go to war for you. He just loved you that much. 

But as he stepped inside, he stopped abruptly when he saw Ellie sitting there, tears streaming down her cheeks, holding a piece of paper in her hands.

His heart pounded in his chest. 

The sight of Ellie

The sight of you last night.

He felt like his heart might stop forever when Ellie looked at him in the eyes, motionless. 

"She left, you asshole."

---------

A/N: I don't feel satisfied by this, I did it just for fun, but if you read it, thank you so much 🥺 feel free to comment or send me questions if you have any, kisses for you 🥺❤️

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

Eye in the sky pt3.

Reader (codename: eagle) × König

Mission time, tension increased,you have to escape but you will not leave no one behind, what's your final decision? Will you run or stay?.

I was listening to this song while I was trying to describe the fight, I hope it helps to imagine the scenario.

Warning: Blood, violence, grammatical and spelling errors.

📢 Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

Pt.4 Final.

A few weeks passed since the last mission with KorTac, you and könig text each other sometimes, Soap and Gaz have been joking about you and your new friend.

- Eagle is too enchanted by that guy

- I know, it's literally like the beauty and the beast

- are you 5 years old? Grow up!

You started to punch them and play with them when Price and Ghost appeared in the common area.

- Did you already finish?

«Sorry» «yes sir» «sorry captain»

- Get ready, we have work to do. Meeting room, in 30 min.

«Yes sir»

You were the first one to arrive, you were waiting scrolling on your phone when Ghost appeared, you smiled kindly and continued on your phone.

- Soap told me what he saw in the nursery the other day.

- Huh? Oh... That, König went to say goodbye.

- Very kind for someone so wild.

You sighed and looked at him, you're annoyed, why everybody cares so much?

- you don't know him well, why do you even care?

- Listen, eagle, I... Worry about you, not only because we work together, you're... Special to me. I will just ask you this once. Stay away from him.

- I don't know what you're trying to say ghost, he's my friend.

- you don't look at a friend in the way you did all the time he was here...

- Ok, stop that, I'm not in the mood for this conversation.

The rest of the team arrived, also König and Horangi arrived too. Price noticed the absence of Roze, he looks concerned.

- and the woman? We will probably need more than 2.

- Roze is on a mission with other companions.

- alright, well... This is probably a terrorist group probably allies of our biggest enemy, what are we going to do? Ghost...

- There are hostages, we will help them and we'll look for information, any kind of information, no matter how useless it can look, we need it.

Horangi and könig were talking and observing the location on the map, Horangi stood up from his seat interrupting ghost.

- Ah sorry, indeed Captain, Ghost, we will need more people, we made area recognition a month ago, the location is isolated. The closet city is 6 hours away using vehicle... And the access is misleading, a lot of mercenaries patrolling.

- What do you propose Colonel?

Price looked at könig, who is still contemplating the map, you can see it in his eyes, he's planning every detail.

- As Horangi said, we will need more people, the place is infested by those mercenaries but we can clean it well, I understand that this is a mission under the water, am I wrong?

- yes, no one can know we're there.

- So, I propose you and your team will be behind us, as snipers, clean the path as much as possible, we will get close to the building, once there, you will join us, we will need some bombs, this building has a good structure and every entrance is well armored.

- Soap can help with that.

König nodded and continued.

- inside the building we will probably find more enemies, we think the hostages are in the attic, so Eagle and me...

- Negative.

Everybody looked at ghost, he looks angry but König apparently doesn't feel intimidated by him.

- What?

- I'll go with you, Eagle will look for information with Gaz.

- I see, well we will lose some time trying to convince them that two masked men are there to keep them safe, ja?

Your laugh echoed in the room breaking the tension, somehow König was right. Would be hard to convince the hostages.

- What is it so funny, Doc?

- Sorry Lt., but the colonel is right, maybe that's not the best idea, i suggest to go with soap or the captain, they look more friendly.

Before Ghost could protest, könig continued.

- Good, eagle and whoever you decide will go for the hostages, the rest of us, look for information And eliminate any target.

- Ah König, Roze, fender and stiletto are back from their mission. We can call them and see them at the location.

- Ja, go ahead Horangi, danke.

Price looked pleased with the plan, after more details, all the group was ready to go.

It was Early in the morning, the location was a beautiful forest, the smell of wet ground, trees and grass green, made it look like a painting. Horangi and Fender were leaders, since they knew the lands better. Ghost was behind you, you could feel his eyes, König kept his distance because he didn't want to cause you troubles, but that didn't mean he wasn't looking at you every chance he found. You were thinking about Ghost words, then about you and König, you're trying to understand what you're feeling.

Before you could finish debating, you were in the zone, everybody got ready to take positions, König approached you and as always, he was looking at you with tenderness.

- Keep us safe Maus.

- You will have eyes in the sky, don't worry Kö...

He chuckled and nodded.

- Danke...

- Have a nice hunt...

«let's go König, we're ready.» you blinked an eye at him and he left. After some time, your radios finally emitted a noise.

«Captain, we're in position.»

- Good, we're ready, you can proceed König, we already eliminated some enemies in that area.

«Gaz to stiletto, you have an enemy at your left, you can proceed, eliminate him easily there's no one around »

«Horangi, don't move yet» «Copy, Fender, you can continue» «Roze, get ready to attack, the target moves in your direction» «König, move to your right, you have an easy target»

You were too focused, observing every step könig was given, you were wondering how someone so tall as him could move so quickly and silently, you're observing every detail, his clothes, his belt, his helmet, he's... Perfect.

- We're outside, we need Soap with the explosives.

- Copy.

- well, you already heard them, let's go.

Once there the real spectacle began. There were more targets inside than outside. You were waiting for this moment, you're a doctor but that doesn't mean you don't know how to give a good fight.

You gave perfect headshots, threw some knives, kicks, it looks like you're in your zone, like a fish in the water, you love this, the adrenaline you feel during the combat. You saw an enemy approaching könig from behind, before König could notice him you brought it down, that caught König's attention, you're seriously amazing, jumping from a wall to your target, punching, shooting, too busy to notice who's observing you. you're wild, behind all the beauty and kindness there's danger, he's amazed.

Unfortunately, even if all of you are doing their best, more mercenaries have arrived at the place, More than all of you expected.

- Captain, what now?

Gaz was on the radio, everybody was hiding and trying to defend their own position, the noise of bombs, shooting, was making difficult to listen.

- We have to go.

- Sir, the hostages... ?

- Eagle, no, we have to go, don't forget we're not allowed to be here.

- All units. We have to go, let's go.

«Copy»

You were running through a hallway, looking for anything that could give information, you found a room, full of computers, maps and photographs, you locked yourself in the room and tried to send all that information to your laptop, you don't have time to read if it is useful, you will check it later. You were leaving when a guy appeared in front of you, he tackled you and started to suffocate you, you were trying to set you free when König appeared, he took the man and with a quick move broke his neck.

At this point everybody is already outside on their way to the rendezvous, it's just you and könig. You stood up and ran behind him until another guy jumped over him, he stabbed him. You gave him a headshot but the damage was already made. König was pressing his hand against his abdomen

- König...

- I'm fine, go, I'll be there in a min.

- No, I'm not going to let you here, lemme see...

- Maus, there's no time, go.

- No!

He finally let you see, unfortunately he was losing a lot of blood, you felt fear running through your veins, your hands are trembling but you tried to clean the wound and close it enough to stop the bleeding, König is doing his best to not show the pain but it's impossible, you don't want to lose him, you're losing your mind and control.

- I am ...the eye in the sky looking at you, I can read your mind...

- Wha..

- I am the maker of rules, dealing with fools...

-I can cheat you blind And...

-AH! Scheisse! (Ah, shit!)... I don't need to see anymore to know that

- I... I can read your mind...

- Good, keep going... Mein Liebling... You can do it.

Finally you finished and helped him to stand up, you put his arm on your shoulder to give him support, even with the wound he did his best to protect you.

«Eagle! Where are you? You have less than 5 min to arrive here!»

Ghost was on the radio, you gave him a quick «copy» but König is too weak, he's still losing blood, so he stopped.

- Leave.

- No, I won't.

- you will not make it on time, leave, I'll find a way to..

- No, you're too weak König! You will not survive... And I won't leave you behind.

«Eagle, König, report, where are you? We can't wait for you, more enemies are arriving»

Horangi is now asking you to hurry up, everybody starts to talk, until you hear ghost once again.

«Eagle, come here right now, it's an order, Sargent»

You look at könig, he is not afraid, you know he would understand if you stand up and leave, but no, you won't do that.

- We'll not make it on time, leave us, König is hurt.

- Eagle, it's an order...

- Sorry Sir. I promised myself I never would leave a man behind.

You cut communication and stayed with könig, you cleaned and tried to close the wound once more, you looked at könig again, you know it was maybe a bad decision, but you never broke a promise, you really won't leave him. His look changes in less than a second and...

- EAGLE! BEHIND!

Everything went dark for you after that.

[girls-alias]

Dean's Dream P8

Title: Dean's Dream Part 8 Words: 3,688 [Didn't realise how long this chapter was but I hope you enjoy 😁💟] Relations: Dean Winchester X reader. TW: Strong language

Part 7

Y/N's POV:

None of my memory before my coma came back, I learnt to accept that Dean was only a figment of my imagination. Years ago when I had gone looking for Dean I returned home, spoke with my therapist and worked hard to heal. My therapist seemed relieved that I now shared his belief that Dean wasn't real but seemed sad as he recognised that all I had been fighting for was gone. I had a rocky recovery, often mourning the anniversary as it passed me by.

It's been 4 years now. I still think of him, I still think I see him in crowds but it isn't as frequent as it used to be. I isolated myself from the world, even a short walk to the shop was upsetting to me as seeing happy couples or thinking I see Dean shakes me to my core. I haven't had the strength to say his name out loud since I came back from Salt Lake City and doubt I ever will. My soul is empty and no matter how hard I fight, I know there is no one cheering me on or smiling that I'm still here. I'm a shell of a person and doubt I will ever truly be happy because my happiness wasn't real.

I sat in my apartment crying for the billionth time, hugging my pillow tight to my chest. Closing my eyes as I picture Dean hugging and comforting me like I always did. Knowing he'd never truly be here.

Dean's POV:

Life feels like a blur. Once Sam and I left Salt Lake City, I isolated myself a little, finding comfort in being alone and imagining she was real. I would often find myself talking in an empty room, imagining she was with me but as soon as I was distracted, she was gone. The breakdowns it caused only hurt more because like in the dream she felt real.

Even after 4 years, Sam is still worried about me. We barely talked about her and it took me a while to get back to my normal life. I was never fully healed as every time I went back and was alone it reminded me that the perfect woman wasn't waiting for me. She wasn't real and I need to learn to accept it. There was a time, on a hunt, when we saved a girl from a burning building and she said Y/N was still inside. I rushed in, looked everywhere and it messed me up. I was burnt, I inhaled smoke and found that she wasn't my Y/N. It ruined me as it reminded me that my Y/N isn't mine and she isn't real. I'll never find her and she'll never be in my arms.

She made me a better man, I never kissed anyone after her, never even thought anything sexual for anyone but her. Sam thinks it's not good to still miss her but has used it to our advantage at times. His most painful one was when we got caught by a group of demons, we had fought as best as we could but were defeated. I gave up so deeply that I didn't even make sarcastic comments or insults. They had beaten us until we were barely conscious, blood and bruises covering us as we sat tied to the chairs.

"Dean, they threatening her," Sam tried.

"What?" I asked confused thinking it was some code I couldn't decipher. The group of demons looked at Sam confused.

"If they kill you, Y/N dies too. They're going to kill her," I filled with rage. I know he's just trying to get my fight back but he doesn't have to hurt me in the process.

"Y/N, huh?" A demon asked approaching me with a smirk. "Oh, Dean's in love. Don't worry, Sam right. I'm going to find her, I am going to pull her nails, her teeth, her hair out. She'll scream for your help but you'll already be dead." The demon smirked. I clenched my jaw and fists. I blacked out from the rage poisoning my veins.

The darkness cleared as I stood, beneath me were all the demon's bodies. I must have gone crazy with my anger as Sam looked terrified. I didn't know I had the strength to even stand never mind fight the group of them and win. I'd untied Sam, punching him in the stomach for manipulating my emotions.

Y/N's POV:

I sighed putting my headphones on, it was time to leave again and I was taking the necessary steps to allow me the strength to leave the house. I walked to therapy, head low, hood up as I made my way there, I ignored the world around me. Once in his office, he smiled reassuringly.

"How've you been this week?" Noah asked, opening his file to start taking notes. I sighed as I slumped back in my seat.

"Same as always," My tone flat, like usual. Noah nodded as he wrote in the file.

"So, no memories." He spoke to himself as he wrote. We'd given up hope that the memories would come back but always asked on the off chance. "How many times have you thought you'd seen Dean this week?" He asked looking at me deeply. I sighed, my eyes closing from the pain squeezing my heart and throat making it hard to speak.

"4," I admitted, he nodded, watching me. Waiting for me to explain.

We were just wrapping up our 2-hour session when Noah walked me to the door. "Oh, have you decided where you're going on your trip?" He asked nonchalantly. I shrugged. "Do you think Salt Lake City?" He asked, shocking me. We haven't mentioned Salt Lake since I got back. Why bring it up now?

"I hadn't thought of it, why?" I asked but he shrugged.

"Just thought you might have fun. I'll see you in two weeks," He added. I walked out confused. I started walking home wondering why on Earth he had thought that. I put my headphones on as I walked, my eyes staying low.

Dean's POV:

I pulled up to the diner Sam and I were going for lunch as a break from the case. I was in a world of my own as Sam talked about the case. My mind only went to Y/N as I wondered about going back to Salt Lake City. I don't know why but I felt a strong urge to go back and check if she was there on the off chance.

"Are you even listening?" Sam asked grabbing my attention. I looked up at him as he stared expectantly. I rolled my eyes at him but froze. Y/N! Looking out the diner window, and over Sam's shoulder I saw her walking past. I had seen her hundreds of times but this felt different, the sun was reflecting on her face, her hair softly blowing in the wind.

"Do you see her?" I asked Sam quickly, not taking my eyes off her in case she disappeared. Sam turned around and shrugged. She's fake. Just my imagination hurting me again. Sam turned back looking a little confused only confirming that she wasn't real.

"The hot girl?" He asked, I quickly looked at him, eyes wide before rushing up from my seat. "Dean?" Sam called after me as I hurried through the diner, dodging people as I rushed to the door. I swung it open, running after her. She's real. She has to be real.

"Y/N," I shouted, probably louder than I should have but she didn't react. I stopped in my tracks, it mustn't be her. I sighed as I watched the back of her hair, tears filling my eyes as I was once again reminded she wasn't real. She stopped at the edge of the path. She looked to the left, checking there were no cars. I saw she had headphones on and still looked like her. I gasped, resuming to run after her. What do I even say to her? What if she has no idea who I am? I just have to introduce myself, if she doesn't know me that's fine. If she's single I'll just flirt and she might fall in love with me.

Y/N's POV:

I checked the road, I know I don't have anything to live for but jumping in front of a car seems excessive. I waited as cars passed, rolling my eyes as I just wanted to be home. Crying into my pillow and thinking of Dean. I jumped slightly when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I took an earphone out as I turned around. Something must have fallen out of my pocket or something. I turned to see a very hopeful-looking Dean. The air in my lungs left. I was frozen in place.

He smiled, admiring me. Is it Dean or does he just look like him? I was in a coma, there's no way he was in the dream with me.

"Hi," He finally said. From his starstruck expression, It seemed like he knew me. I smiled softly, admiring the green eyes I had forgotten the details of over time. God, they're even better than I remember. I bit my lip as I watched him. Maybe I should say something. What do I say?!

Third-person POV:

Dean admired her, seeing her in front of him was surreal to him. He had imagined, he had dreamed and hallucinated she was real but here she was and he couldn't believe it. Neither could she.

"I don't want to sound crazy so, hi, I'm -"

"Dean?" She questioned, although she hadn't said his name in 3 years it still slipped from her tongue like silk. Her eyes filled as she recognised saying his name healed her heart a little. It was all the confirmation he needed to know she was real, she was in the dream and she loved him. He smiled a wide grin as he looked at her. She smiled brightly, recognising it was really his name and he was there.

He wasn't sure what to do now, he had dreamed of meeting her but now he felt nervous knowing she might be different from her dream. 4 years have passed, maybe she moved on. He wanted to do something, offer to spend time with her but he doesn't know what to do.

"Are you single?" She asked, he looked at her a little confused.

"Yeah," He responded a little confusion showing in his tone.

"Good," She smiled. Her hands moved to him, quickly. Her hands are on the back of his neck as she pulls him in. Their lips connect in a passionate kiss. Dean's hands found her waist, pulling her deeper into him, deepening the kiss. She smiled against his lips, Dean soon doing the same. Finally, in each other's arms, hearts healed. The kiss felt the same as all those years ago, the love still there, the way they kissed the same way but this time was different because they had waited so long and both believed it would never happen again. Dean's hand moved to her cheek, holding her as if she might disappear again. They continued the kiss even as Sam approached them, confusion riddling with his expression.

From Sam's perspective it looked as though Dean had simply wanted the hot girl as she passed the diner, now that he's followed him he expected to see him flirting, trying to get her number. And yet, Dean is making out with a seemingly stranger. He wondered if losing Y/N had finally made him go mad.

"Hello?" Sam exclaimed, unsure of what to say. Dean knew instantly it was Sam and he should probably pull away from the kiss to introduce them but he's waited 4 years for this and didn't want it to ever end. Not after his heart was so broken before. She pulled away, much to Dean's dismay. She smiled at him before turning to Sam. Her mouth dropped open as she rushed to hug him.

"Sammy!" She exclaimed excitedly. Her best friend is finally here. She missed having him to talk to, he always listened without judgment and was great at giving advice. Sam looked at Dean confused as she hugged him, he hugged back to be polite once he noticed Dean's eyes admiring her as he smiled brighter than he'd ever seen him smile before. The wheels in his head turned slowly but once he realised he pulled away to look at her. He cupped her face in his hands, looking her over. His mind was swamped with how she could be real or if she was a deceitful monster. She smiled brightly, chuckling slightly.

"Wow, don't kiss my girlfriend," Dean commented, getting closer to move Sam's hands from her face. Dean and she shared a telling smile at his words. Dean wrapped his arms over her shoulder, keeping her close to him as he kissed the top of her head.

"Hi, I'm Y/N. I assume you don't know me but we were best friends," She introduced holding her hand out to him. Sam smiled, shaking her hand.

"We didn't think you were real, I saved Dean but you weren't there," He explained, confusing her slightly. Her eyebrows furrowed softly as she looked at him. "The Djinn, that's how you were in the dream, how did you get out?" He asked, now convinced she wasn't real just some kind of shapeshifter or demon. She has to be.

"I was in a coma for 3 months, that's how I was dreaming of Dean. What do you mean Gin?" She asked, Dean glared at Sam as he had made the encounter awkward and probably confusing to her.

"Go back to the diner, we'll be there soon," Dean instructed to Sam as if warning him that if he stayed he would hurt him. Sam hesitated. When he didn't move Dean rolled his eyes. "Just get her the same as me, we'll be there soon," Sam thought it was a bad idea. It's probably a monster or demon messing with Dean's emotions.

"We need to do the tests," Sam said quietly to Dean as if she couldn't hear him but she did and was confused. Tests? She thought. Dean groaned, tipping his head back, done with Sam.

"We'll do them in the diner, walk away," Dean instructed warningly. Sam hesitated but made his way back to the diner.

Y/N looked at Dean confused but he smiled and she couldn't stop herself from smiling back. He guided her to a bench where they sat close to each other. Dean faced her as he held her hand in his lap. She waited patiently for him to explain.

"You're understanding and I shouldn't doubt you wouldn't believe me but you just have to let me explain okay?" He asked, she worried slightly but nodded knowing he was the same Dean she would have trusted with her life. He smiled at her movement, squeezing her hand slightly to calm his nerves. Knowing she was real was enough to give him the strength to explain. "Sam and I, in this world. We hunt monsters," He hesitated as she looked at him confused. Waiting patiently for him to explain, he smiled knowing she was willing to listen. "Monsters, demons, angels, they're all real and Sammy and I save people from them. The Djinn, Sam mentioned. They abducted me and they have the power to put you in your dream life, my life with you, but Sam saved me and I woke up. I searched for you but I couldn't find you and I even tried to get abducted again to see you but I couldn't," He explained, holding her hands close as he feared she would pull them away and leave again.

He watched as her eyes wandered around, thinking. She was clearly confused and startled by the information and Dean grew anxious as he waited for her response. She nodded softly, processing it.

"So you were put in your dream life by a monster?" She asked slowly, Dean gulped, eyes filling as he feared she would call him crazy. His breath quickened as he nodded, not able to say a word. His heart preparing to break. "Okay," She added, nodding and smiling softly. He was confused, startled almost at her response. His eyebrows furrowed as he admired her. She chuckled softly. She moved her right hand from his, his disappointment written across his face but her hand moved to his cheek, filling him with hope and love. "Dean, I was in a coma and dreamed of our lives together, I spent 3 years thinking I made you up and thinking I was insane. Knowing you're real and you were in the dream too is also crazy so it only makes sense that crazy things caused it." She explained, rubbing her thumb on his cheek slightly as he instantly felt eased. He sighed, smiling brightly. Leaning in to kiss her. She smiled into the kiss, her hand moving from his cheek to the back of his neck as his hands moved to her hips.

He lifted her from her seat, sitting her on his lap so she was straddling him. She giggled against his lips. "We're in public," She explained leaning back to smile at him but his bright smile never wavered.

"I don't care. I finally found you, they can look all they want," He explained before his hand moved to her cheek, pulling her in and back on his lips. She smiled as she kissed him. They sat making out for a while before Dean pulled away. She looked at him confused but he chuckled, tucking some hair behind her ear as he admired her. "I'm getting too excited," He explained making her giggle as she realised his meaning. She nodded, moving to get off of his lap but his hands anchored her back down. She giggled as she looked at him confused. "Give it a minute," He commented making her laugh as she blushed. He smiled, taking the time to admire her. "Why didn't you believe I was real for only 3 years and not 4?" He asked curiously. She smiled just from hearing his voice.

"I woke up after we kissed and believed you were real. Even when everyone was telling me it was a dream. 1 year after I woke up I went to Salt Lake City to look for you. I waited outside the house we had, Sam's wasn't there anymore and went to a cafe and finally believed you weren't real," She explained sadly. Dean perked up at her words chuckling softly.

"May 3rd?" He asked making her chuckle.

"Yeah, you woke up at the same time?" She asked but he smiled.

"I woke up after the kiss as well. I did the same thing. We must have missed each other," He explained not realising how close they had been to meeting all those years ago. They smiled, sharing another kiss before they stood. They walked hand in hand back to the diner.

"I love you," Dean confessed as he stopped at the door. She smiled brightly.

"I love you too," She admitted with a soft chuckle. He kissed her again feeling like he needed to kiss her enough to make up so much lost time. She smiled against his lips finally feeling that she had her reason to live again.

They walked into the diner, returning to Sam as his spine straightened at their presence. She smiled warmly as she slid into the booth, Dean soon following her and holding a hand on her thigh needing physical contact at all times. He held the top of his hand as she smiled at Sam. Sam looked at them slightly confused.

"We can do the tests if you want?" She questioned, he smiled softly before going into his bag.

"You tell her?" Sam asked, Dean smirked as he looked at her admiringly.

"Yep, just as understanding as before," He commented making her smile as she blushed. He kissed her sweetly but she pulled away quicker than he wanted.

"You won't remember but we had rules about PDA in front of Sam," She commented but Dean groaned, his head tipping back but smile never fading.

"You don't mind do you, Sammy?" He asked, prompting Sam to agree but Sam's face didn't confirm it. She chuckled as she shook her head.

"You've waited 4 years, you can wait till we're alone," She commented but Dean smirked.

"Oh, you want to be alone with me," Dean teased making her laugh. She playfully rolled her eyes as Dean smirked.

Sam did the tests finding she was clean and real. He instantly calmed, wanting to know everything she remembered about the dream as they ate once their food arrived. He admired how Dean watched her, how they seemed to quickly fall into a routine and comfort. He slid his drink to her, and she picked out the lime and placed the pickles from her burger on his plate, both acting as though this was normal even though in reality they had just met. Sam's smile never faded as he watched the scene.

Once they had finished eating Dean draped his arm over her shoulder, holding her close as he admired her telling the story of Sam's birthday, Dean giving input on his perspective as he was present at the time. She smiled brightly as he spoke, admiring him, memorising all she had forgotten.

Neither knew love would be this simple or happy. Both realising the wait was worth it and souls returned as their closeness brought the joy in and sorrow out. Sam couldn't have imagined how Dean would be around her, never seeing his brother in love before made it seem even more surreal to him. Dean often stole short but sweet kisses, his smile never leaving his lips. She held her hand on his thigh as he drew patterns on her shoulder. She rested close to him, happy for the first time since she woke up.

Masterlist

[viburnt]

At that point, I feel the only option is to just leave without notice after several attempts to talk to him. send the divorce papers through his secretary, bet that’s only way to get him to pay attention. IT would be DISAPPOINTING HE doesn’t noticed until like a day after or more 💀😭

Rina, RINA, YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THIS! I'm already working on the divorce headcanons but I like this so much I'll throw in a couple about that brief time before you actually serve him papers.

The time before you resolve a divorce is the best course of action is short; it almost feels right to say it, even if your heart aches. You look back at all those empty years being by Izuku's side, but you can't find a memory of him standing with you. It felt like a silent movie where you'd been acting the role of the ideal wife, pretending to be happy for the cameras, not allowed to say a thing.

Sadly, being married to Izuku isolated you a lot. Your friends and family had distanced themselves from you because you never had time to visit or hang out, not to mention they'd found the news reporters and the cameras too bothersome to even dare to approach you. So with the little strength you had left, you had to sort out this whole situation by yourself. One benefit of being alone most of the time was that your soon-to-be ex couldn't quite tell you were scheming to leave him.

You began searching for places to rent, looking for jobs that offered home-office, and even checking the finances. Most of the things around the house were under Izuku's name, and you didn't want anything from him. Specially not when it would entertain more gossips or give people the wrong impression.

Izuku would come home late or not at all, too tired to even notice half of your wardrobe was gone, and that you spent a lot of time outside the house. He'd just kiss you goodnight and sleep, blissfully ignorant of the reality. You'd slip away from him and crash on the couch, trying to detach your heart from the feelings you still sheltered for him.

Part of you wished he would notice the way you were drifting apart, the way you crumbled in a marriage built of empty expectations and false promises. It was wishful thinking, a pipe dream that could never become true. Izuku had caught you between a rock and a hard place, and he'd only learn that after the damage was visible.

When you are finally ready for the legal battle, you send the papers to Izuku's office. His secretary passes them to him, probably thinking it's just more paperwork, and in the same way his secretary did, Izuku simply assumed it was more work to do. Midoriya placed the yellow envelope on top of a stack of pending documents, deciding to check them later.

The face of realization he has once he finally reads the contents of said envelope is almost priceless. 2 days had those documents waited for his eyes to read, 2 full fucking days to notice you were asking for a divorce. He was hysterical, making phone calls and sending texts to no avail; you weren't answering, and you weren't even living in that house at that point. He felt like an idiot, and that was only the beginning of the end.

'The number you're trying to reach is currently unavailable, please try later to-'

"Ugh, just answer dammit!" Izuku yelled, throwing his phone to the wall in desperation. He had rushed out of his office to try and find you, just then noticing the emptiness of the things you'd taken with you. The only thing you left behind was your wedding ring, standing cynically on the bedside table along with the framed photo of your wedding day. Tears rolled down his freckled cheeks, not being able to grasp reality. You were really leaving him, and his stupid ass was so busy to even notice it.

"I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry..." He sobbed in the silence of his bedroom, your perfume haunting him as he held your pillow.

Izuku had fucked up bad.

[doumadono]

EMERGENCY REQUEST

Hi, A while ago I used to have a very bad mental health condition, I can't say for sure what I had(i have an idea but i cannot Say they exact things), because even today I haven't gone to a psychologist to get a diagnosis about my mental health, I wanted to send this to see if you could make a request with Izuku and Kacchan with their childhood friend (Kacchan platonic and with Izuku non-platonic if it's not too much trouble) And one day they find out by accident that she went through a mild eating disorder, self-harm, social anxiety, family problems and a toxic need to be a perfect student (They find out about this already in the first year of the UA, this happened to her in the first year of middle school)I would like to read this because when I was in 7th grade I had all this on my shoulders, I felt like garbage and my family never helped, they only made things worse...Reading it would be like being able to feel that comfort that to this day I have not been able to have because although I would like to be able to talk about it with someone, I am unable to open up, I avoid those topics as much as I can.

Thank you so much! And sorry if I haven't explained myself well.

A/N: I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through such a challenging time with your mental health. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge your struggles, and I truly admire your willingness to share this. When you're ready, seeking support from a psychologist or therapist can be immensely helpful

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Izuku and Katsuki walked back to the UA dormitory, their footsteps echoing in the quiet evening. The day had been filled with training and lectures, and now, as they strolled under the dimming sky, they found themselves in a contemplative mood.

Katsuki glanced over at Izuku and noticed the pensive look on his friend's face. "What's eatin' at ya, Deku?" he asked in his typical gruff manner.

Izuku hesitated for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "Kacchan, you know our childhood friend Y/N, right?"

Katsuki's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about it. "Yeah, vaguely. What's she got to do with anything?"

Izuku took a deep breath, trying to find the right way to phrase what was on his mind. "I overheard something today, something about her," he began. "It sounds like she's been through some really tough stuff, especially during her first year of middle school. Eating disorder, self-harm, social anxiety, family problems, and a toxic need to be a perfect student."

Katsuki's expression hardened, his usual tough exterior showing cracks as concern flickered in his eyes. "That's messed up, nerd."

As they approached the dormitory, they heard voices coming from the teacher's lounge, where Aizawa and Nezu were deep in conversation. The name 'Y/N' drifted into their ears, and they couldn't help but listen.

"I think we should keep an eye on Y/N," Aizawa said. "She's clearly been through a lot, and I don't want her to feel isolated or overwhelmed here at UA."

Nezu nodded in agreement. "You're right. We should find a way to support her without making her feel exposed or uncomfortable."

Katsuki clenched his fists, anger simmering beneath the surface. "I'll just go talk to her and kick all these stupid ideas off her head."

Izuku, on the other hand, was quick to respond, albeit more gently. "Kacchan, but we need to be careful. Y/N has been through a lot, and pushing her too hard could do more harm than good. We should approach this delicately."

Katsuki scowled but was willing to listen. "Okay, fine, Deku. What's your brilliant idea then?"

"I think we should let Y/N know that we're there for her, no matter what. Encourage her to talk to us when she's ready? We can offer her our support and friendship without forcing her to reveal everything all at once."

Katsuki huffed in annoyance, but he couldn't deny that Izuku's suggestion made sense. "Fine, fine, we'll do it your way then, nerd."

Later that evening, Izuku and Katsuki found themselves in a common livingroom, still contemplating how to approach the delicate situation with Y/N. Izuku sat on a couch, thoughtful, while Katsuki paced around, clearly agitated, trying to finish his English homework. "You really think this is the right way, Deku? I can't freaking focus because of that goddamn girl. Why do girls always have to be so complicated? " Katsuki asked, his frustration evident.

"I do, Kacchan. Y/N's been through a lot. She needs to know we're here for her, and when she's ready, she'll come to either of us."

Katsuki paused, his fiery demanour momentarily waning. He knew that Izuku was right; a more gentle approach was necessary. He sat down on the floor, scowling as he admitted, "Fine."

Izuku smiled, relieved that Katsuki had agreed. "Great, Kacchan."

Bakugo, catching a glimpse from the corner of his eye, noticed Mina, Kaminari, and Tsuyu observing him and Deku. Irritated, he turned to them and bellowed, "What the hell are you staring at, extras!?" His fiery personality showing no mercy, even to his friends.

The next day, they put their plan into action.

You were in the common room, looking somewhat distant as you read a book.

Izuku approached you cautiously, determined to make you feel comfortable. Kacchan watched him from a distance, pretending to be engrossed in preparing a dinner.

"Hey, Y/N," Izuku began with a warm smile, "How's your day been?"

You looked up, surprised by the sudden attention. You hesitated for a moment but then replied, "Oh, it's been okay, I guess?"

Katsuki chimed in, trying to keep his tone softer than usual. "You don't need to hide stuff, you know. We're your friends, and we're here for you."

Your eyes widened slightly, and you swallowed hard. You weren't used to opening up about your struggles, but the genuine concern made you feel a little safer. "But I'm not hiding anything…" you protested.

Bakugo grumbled from a distance. "Tsch! For crying out loud, it's obvious you're not alright, nerd. Quit with the act, you're a terrible actress, Y/N, damn it!"

Izuku continued, "I… We know that life can be tough. You don't have to go through it alone. When you're ready to talk, we'll be here to listen, without any judgment, okay?"

Katsuki nodded, showing an uncharacteristic patience. "Yeah."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you felt the sincerity of their words. You had been carrying your burdens in silence for so long, and the idea of sharing them with friends was both scary and comforting. "Thank you, boys," you whispered, your voice quivering. "I appreciate your support."

Izuku reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. "You're welcome, Y/N. We care about you, and we want to help in any way we can."

Katsuki grumbled, but there was a softness in his gaze as he added, "And if anyone gives you trouble, they'll have to deal with me."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and without warning, you leaned into Izuku's comforting arms.

Izuku was a little taken aback by your sudden move, but he didn't push you away. Instead, he embraced you gently, his hand softly petting your Y/H/C hair.

As you nestled in his embrace, you finally opened up about how awful you were feeling. Your voice quivered as you spoke. "I don't know what to do… I just… I feel so lost and overwhelmed. It's like I'm drowning in my own thoughts and fears, and I can't escape."

Izuku held you a little tighter, his own heart aching for you. "I'm here for you, Y/N. You're not alone in this. We'll find a way through it, together, I promise."

You continued, your voice breaking, "I've been trying to be strong for so long, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world, and it's crushing me."

"You don't have to carry it all by yourself. You have friends who care about you, who want to help. We'll lighten that burden, step by step. You're not alone, Y/N."

You clung to him, your sobs slowly subsiding as his comforting presence gave you solace. It was the first step in a journey of healing and support. With tears still glistening in your eyes, you raised your head and looked up at Izuku. Leaning in, you placed a tender kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for all of your support, Deku," you whispered, your gratitude evident in your eyes.

As you expressed your gratitude to both of your friends, Izuku felt his cheeks flush with a deep shade of crimson. His heart began to race, pounding in his chest like a drumbeat. The genuine warmth of the unexpected kiss on his cheek left him feeling both flustered and deeply touched. Unbeknownst to you, Izuku had been harboring a significant crush on you.

But before you could say more, a loud voice echoed across the room. Bakugo's angry shout filled the space, "Hey, I'm goddamn here as well, fucking nerd!"

You turned towards Katsuki, a grateful smile forming on your lips. "Thank you too, Kacchan," you said, addressing him. "I appreciate both of you more than I can express."

[ayoalex]

My biggest reason of why I HATE the fact Zuko is Fire Lord is more complicated than I could actually explain but I will try. Cuz u see I already hate the fact that 16/17y old Zuko had to step up and be Fire Lord even though an actual adult could have been the Fire Lord while Zuko still grew and learn to be able to be a decent Fire Lord.

I already hate the fact that is canon he SUCKS at it cuz he has 0 communication skills, only knows anger and violence to resolve things and has 0 diplomacy. If it was supposed to be his destiny then why he sucks so much, why he doesn't know a single thing about politics, I think about his actions in The Promise and I feel like slapping the writer.

But when I think about how he gives 0 fucks about his people then I hate it even more.

Wait, don't go, listen to me. LISTEN TO ME I WILL EXPLAIN MYSELF.

Ok, so Zuko by the end of Book 3 is a traitor in the Fire Nation, ok?

He goes and fights an Agni Kai in his sister (the legitimate heir at this point) coronation. We don't know if everyone knows what actually happened there (probably they do cuz the Fire Sages were there when he arrived with Katara).

So he actually loses! And it's Katara that ends up winning. So he ends up winning the throne by not only force but with foreign forces as well.

Ok now let's remember his coronation. Who do we see? A single line of Fire Nation people which I think we're the Fire Sages + Mai and Iroh. And then all foreigners which one of them is the person that took by force the throne. Not a public coronation, we don't see any other citizen of his Nation watching it.

Ok, let's remember how people were living outside of Caldera city and Ember island.

One of the Villages the Gaang end up of the Fire Nation has polluted water. The army has been polluting their water for YEARS which indicates us that they haven't actually been taking care of majority of the Villages/cities outside of Caldera city and Ember Island, the first one because is the capital and where the Royalty + Nobility lives and the second one because is a famous tourist place that Nobility and the Royalty goes to.

Zuko as a kid that grew up isolated in Caldera city, which he didn't went out that much outside of the castle(?) Has never had to face or see how actual normal people live. He then gets banished but still feels entitled to be treated like royalty.

After getting his title stripped in Book 2, he still refuses to live amongst the people and continues asking for a royalty treatment. So he ends up stealing from OTHER common people.

He lived in the lower ring of the Earth Kingdom and I never saw him understanding that the King just sucks, that he's supposed to help all his citizens but only cares about the rich and gives 0 fucks about the rest.

Now, why does Zuko wants to be Fire Lord? To make things better? To actually help his Nation?

No. It's because of destiny. He doesn't see it as a duty. Sure he wants to end the war which is a good thing but he once again sees the title as something he deserves because it's his destiny (which makes 0 zero but ok).

And I wish so badly he had Azula resolve and understanding of his duty.

Cuz you see she would probably sucked too cuz like Zuko she had 0 idea how normal people actually live and that rich people are NOT the majority of a Nation.

But she would not think being Fire Lord is her destiny and she deserves it cuz she's pretty or whateva. She would understand her duty as Fire Lord and would accept the title as such, with the respect and responsibility it comes with (which kinda happened in canon but she was in the middle of a breakdown so yeah).

And I'm not trying to compare them but sometimes is so hard cuz she has everything Zuko needs to be a good Fire Lord and so it's frustrating seeing the canon state of the world in Aang's era because the writers suck ass and think Zuko is oohhh so charming and amazing when honestly he suck ass right now.

Bring me back my dumbass kid! Let him out of that castle!

I think if he actually travel around Fire Nation without u know all his privileges, he would do much better cuz at least he would understand the actual needs of his Nation.

And honestly if I was a citizen of the Fire Nation and saw all the bullshit that was happening I would be so fucking annoyed at the Royal Family, like if someone told me to do a coup I would be so into it cuz honestly I'm here dying cuz we've been at war for 100y and this motherfucker comes and just prioritize other nations that the one giving him money and food? Yeah we going democracy, fuck the monarchy.

In my mind Azula just says fuck it and goes mia for YEARS and Aang sees the disaster that FN is cuz of Zuko and goes find her cuz everyone know Azula is like the best option when it's about politics and then he finds out she's been traveling so he joins her and Azula comes back to the FN but just to slap Zuko and teach him how to actually be a decent Fire Lord and then goes back to chilling but sometimes pop off at Caldera to slap Zuko when he does a fucking terrible decision.

[stillaclownlol]

I will also talk about Tyler because he's also not normal about stuff 🫠

Right from the start you get these signs he's protective to a detrimental level lol

(BTW Aidlyn scene cuz I'm not normal about them ❤️ The way he literally wraps his whole body in front of her sent me lmao. Mans got his leg around her and everything 🤡)

He's pretty much like this with Taylor in all their scenes. In the Sorrel House he puts his arm in front of her when they see the phantom (that he does not think is real, considering his reaction).

He also has a tendency to drag Taylor away from situations with out asking for her opinion on it 🫠 He just kinda assumes she will want to go with him. Like when he drags her out of the house after saying the phantom was just a prank.

Sir. PLEASE. Kinda possessive of you-

I don't think Red did this on purpose because like. She hasnt really brought up their culture/heritage or anything in the story so far lmao (I'm crying). But idk like just this behavior reminds me a lot of the guys in my family 🙃 I think Latino boys get kind of socialized to be more aggressive and protective of their families at their own expense. He definitely seems like the kind of brother to impose a curfew- He has control issues like. We all see it right? He's a control freak.

Obviously his dad dying has a lot to do with this. His mother took it extremely hard, so then Tyler "stepped up" to take care of both his mom AND his sister, he's been parentified since a very young age (he doesn't look older than 10 imo). I think he feels a need to "be the man of the house" so to speak. He genuinely does not seem to have any hard feelings towards his mom even tho she...you know, fucked up. if any of you know the "latino boys are mama boys" cliche, but.

yeah.

(I do think Taylor has more mom issues because she kinda resents how Tyler has been parentified and she's allowed herself to be angry at their mom for leaving them to fend for themselves)

Sidenote: It looks like his family is very isolated. Like, its strange that nobody came to help Marianna after Ethan died. This isn't always the case but usually Latinos have large families (my mom's family had to push together eight beds so all the cousins could sleep in one room lol) WHICH probably means Tyler's branch of the family is, so far, the first and only to have immigrated to the US. He's probably already a second or third generation tho, his mom has only one surname and he and his sister never seem to speak Spanish, so I don't think they learned it (probably some basics). I don't imagine they've ever been to Mexico except MAYBE when they were very young (its kinda rare to visit...since...it's so hard to get out of there in the first place...🫠 I dont think my parents have been to Venezuela in more than 20 years...but also Venezuela is in way worse condition, so...)

But yeah like. His protectiveness of Taylor is something that actively works against her and something she dislikes. She always looks upset when he drags her out of a situation or tells her what to do. She just wants to help :(

BABYYYYY 🥲

Ofc she never says anything because for most of her life Tyler has put himself in a position of authority and is her caretaker. It's hard to speak up to somebody when they constantly say "I'm doing this for your own good, for your own safety, for-" Whatever. Taylor always believes Tyler does everything for her own best interests, so... even when she doesn't feel good about something, she'll still listen to him. It's a veryyyyyy slippery slope that can quickly become toxic, if it isn't already. Because besides being her brother, he's put himself as her parent figure as well.

He does the thing. You know. Where parentified kids try to overcorrect so they kind of coddle their own children and don't let them do anything because they're scared to death something is gonna happen to them 💀

I don't really know what the point of this was I just wanted to talk about how possessive Tyler can be and how unhealthy his attachment style is 😭 If I write Tyler and Logan angst tho just know it's gonna involve Tyler being overprotective and Logan being Not Cool TM about it 🫠

[for-a-longlongtime]

On Dieter, Goya's Black Paintings, and Pedro on Talk Art 

Alright y'all, it's Saturday evening, I have nothing better to do (I actually do but I don't feel like it), so welcome to my mini TED Talk about 'how to pay too much fucking attention to the Pedro cinematic universe'. None of this is new, and maybe everybody already knew about this, but I didn't... so here's a nerdy tangent courtesy of googling/wikipedia-ing.

I was reading a Dieter!fic (this one right here by @chaoticgeminate - go read her writing!) earlier today, which refers to the 'Saturn Devouring His Son' painting - that giant mural Dieter is working on in The Bubble:

(his brush isn't even touching the wall tho, ha)

The original 'Saturn' by Goya

The fic mentioned its part of 'The Black Paintings', so I got curious and started googling. I'm no art major or expert, so please allow me to just paraphraze the Wikipedia page. 'Saturn' is part of a group of 14 Goya paintings that are called Pinturas Negras/The Black Paintings. They "portray intense, haunting themes, reflective of both his fear of insanity and his bleak outlook on humanity" --this was late in Goya's life, and was connected to several illnesses he had experienced (and the fear of relapsing) and political turmoil in Spain at the time (post-Napolean war, changing Spanish government, etc.

Trivia fact 1: Goya actually made these paintings right on the walls of the Quinta del Sordo (so-called Deaf Man's villa) where he was staying -- so I love that Apatow had Dieter also paint right on the walls.

Trivia fact 2: while Goya was living in this villa, he actually became gravely ill (again) - not by a pandemic obviously, but it's hard to not link that loosely to the COVID period. He had never intended for these 'Black Paintings' to become public; "these paintings are as close to being hermetically private as any that have ever been produced in the history of Western art" (the murals were eventually transfered to canvas by other folks once he had moved out of the villa). Switching back to The Bubble -- I love how the tragic influence of Goya's illness(es) and art/things 'made at home away from the world, not intended for an audience' (so obviously, in a bubble) has that connection to the COVID experience and how many folks were suddenly homebound, along with the burden of illness in many ways (lord knows this all did a serious number on our mental health). In the movie, Dieter and the others do not want to go into isolation again, but that solitude is what eventually led him to painting on the walls in his room. This is not a 'grand discovery' of any kind, but I got a kick out of the parellels once I read up on it - and honestly makes me appreciate the movie a bit more, haha.

Not happy about another quarantine period.

Alright, more hyperfocusing after the cut:

Some googling led me to a post from last year by @nicolethered (gifs in this post are hers), and she included screencaps of the walls of Dieter's room (during that drug scene), which I hadn't even noticed while watching the movie. Upon taking a closer look, I noticed they're outtakes from other pieces of Goya's Black Paintings! I thought that was really cool, they sure worked on the details with that set (there's one more that's shown in a different shot but I can't exactly figure out which outtake that is):

First one is a mirror image from Two Old Men Eating Soup and the second one is basically Satan aka 'The Great He-Goat' from the Witches' Sabbath painting. Which IMO makes for fucking hilarious perfection a.k.a. trivia fact 3 -- because we all know about Dieter and his little emotional support goat, LOL. Excellent connection.

*insert sound bit from Hot Ones interview* : "Just let me love you!"

Anywaaay there's more. The Bubble was shot during Feb 22, 2021 to April 16, 2021, right? Pedro has spoken about how his input in shaping Dieter was mostly regarding his outfits (the Crocs, the robe, etc). But then I suddenly remember the Talk Art interview he had done in 2018, and how he namechecks 'The Dog' by Goya - and lo, guess which painting is actually part of the 14 Black Paintings? Yeap - the dog! So I checked the podcast and he was asked, 'if you could be any painting, what painting would you be?' by Russell. Here is the painting, and below it is what he said on Talk Art:

'The Drowning Dog' by Goya

"I think… it's a Goya. Yeah, old school. I think it's called 'Dog Buried in Sand' or something like that. It's so… I remember feeling it was such a visual representation of helplessness, in such a… come on, let's all admit that helplessness is a very recurring feeling for many of us, you know what I mean? When it comes to so many things. I guess… I was in Spain, in Madrid, and I was 20. And I went to the Goya museum. What's interesting about it is that the head of the dog is really quite small and sort of adorable, it looks like a stray mutt, and the painting - if I can remember it correctly - is very rectangular. There's so much above him, like the world just seems so big. It's quite incredible, isn't it? I know it's really sad, and sort of dark, and maybe I really like enjoy perceiving myself like..." (He gets interrupted by Russell, and then continues;) "Yeah, he's certainly not dying, it's sort of - it's a moment", (then interrupts himself with;) "Maybe he's totally dying, there's no way that dog is getting out of that. That dog is SO fucked. Anyway, that's the painting that represents my life". (All three of them burst out into laughing.)

If you're still reading this - I am impressed with your dedication to my silly little post, haha. Anyway, I just thought it was so striking that there basically is a straight line from the painting he mentioned in Talk Art to what Dieter is painting in the Bubble. Makes me wonder if perhaps he - or even Russell/Robert - had any input in that part of Dieter's backstory.

Thank you for attending my TED Talk on artistic analysis of Dieter Bravo during COVID, we now resume your regularly scheduled program for Saturday night. 🤪

(Have I been smoking because a local dispensary actually had 'Mando' bud? I sure as fuck have and I blame that for this post.)