#and this ladies and gents is my dear old ma

[1stunseeliefaelass]

Darksiders Arthurian Tales Revisited

Chapter 22: Fresh With New Messes

Fury notices the two women gawking at her and snickers, "Seems I don't just turn the heads of men."

"DAMN...you must work out a LOT." C comments.

"Well any warrior does girl. Male or female, keeping in shape is integral to a battle ready body." Fury points out.

"As someone who was a knight once, I can concur with that. Nor can I blame you for your confidence Fury. You clearly have the right to be prideful." Morgen states simply.

"I wouldn't have guessed you were a knight myself Morgen. You're so lithe. Granted I know most Fae are, but to be this lean as one who wields any weapon is quite the predicament. Granted this body type is perfect for a mage, but if you wish to reenter the fray I'd advice some workouts. Perhaps Death would assist you in that."

"Uh huh. Aren't you considered the mage of the family though Fury?" Morgen asks her.

"Oh please. If anyone's the mage it's Death. Sure I use some magic, but not as much as my elder brother. He's practically a nerd around magic that he hasn't seen before too. Seriously it can be VERY adorable."

"What?" Morgen asks trying not to snicker.

C gets a skeptical look, "Death, adorable? I don't know about that Fury."

"Of course you don't. Though judging by what I overheard you lack confidence in your body. Even Morgen has some for her own, which I can respect despite what my words to her may suggest."

"Like I told Morgen, I've got a lot of scars."

"And that's completely normal in our line of work. A warrior's life is never easy, as my elder brother likes to say. So believe me, you having many scars isn't unheard of." Fury tells her.

"Ok I'll show you guys what I mean. If you show me some on you." C responds.

"I planned to anyway." Morgen replies.

"It's only fair I suppose." Fury states before standing up from the underwater bench she was sitting on.

C and Morgen see a scar around her gut, "This one I received from quite the cheeky demon. Little did he know that getting as close as he did was a mistake. I did have a healing potion luckily, among other things. But it scarred over nonetheless."

Morgen then moves her hair onto her back to reveal a small but noticeable scar just below her sternum. "I never saw who it was, all I know is that an archer got in a lucky shot during a battle. I was an older teen at the time. Mina hounded me for days on end after the arrow was removed, as did Barrcus."

"Well obviously, a few inches higher and you may not have been here to tell that story." Fury responds.

"If anyone was lucky, it was you Morgen." C tells her before taking a deep breath and dispersing the steam around her with a snap. As she stands the two older women look at her curiously.

Fury is a bit worried at the amount all over her, and how deep a few of them look. Morgen of course just wonders how painful things must be for her.

"I knew Gregory wasn't capable of much from what I saw of your 'training' yesterday, but THIS is concerning. You really need someone who can actually teach you without hinderances such as old age slowing them down."

"I agree, you need extra help clearly. Also how much pain are in on a daily basis?" Morgen questions C with worry.

"Oh it's really not that bad. Not even any stinging these days. Although...not all of them are from battle..." C begins to say before trailing off.

"What are you implying?" Morgen presses.

"Indeed, what's wrong?" Fury asks sensing something's up.

"It's nothing....don't worry about it ok?" C implores them before ducking back under the water.

Before Fury can go into detective mode, Mina comes in with Miriam as they're speaking to each other.

"And then the stupid ninnie said....OH DEAR. Uhm oops." Mina quickly says.

"Should we come at a later time?" Miriam asks.

Fury, not wanting to make C anymore uncomfortable than she already was, chooses to drop the subject of her scars for now. But makes a mental note to ask later. Morgen meanwhile tells Miriam, "Oh it's fine Miriam. A little girls' time never hurt anyone."

"Besides, I can't be the only golden girl here." Fury remarks looking at Mina.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh come on Mina I'm teasing. We're both old and we know it. At least our appearances haven't been marked by it." Fury states.

"Ugh right." Mina says before getting ready to hop in.

Miriam meanwhile already places her clothes on a drawer handle nearby and hops into the water. Surprisingly enough she's a fairly decent swimmer for her stature. "So whatcha talking about?"

"Oh just uhhhhh..." C says trying to find the words to express it.

"Trying to boost a young lady's confidence in her body." Fury states saving C on that one.

"Oh really? Well let me just say that you're not entirely alone. I've had my own days like that. Just ask Strife." Miriam tells C before paddling over to her.

"Thanks Miriam." C says with a smile.

Mina then steps in after revealing her short and stout self. "Me, I'm only short because I chose this form to hide me true self from Uther. It's not preferable, but I don't hate it. I got curves, but I know I still look good to me own man."

Fury actually asks Mina, "Your true self, what exactly does that mean?"

"Oh well I'm half Huldra." Mina states.

"Well technically she's a Skogsrå, as half of her lineage is in Sweden. You can probably tell where the other half is from." Morgen adds on.

"Oh hush Morgen."

The ladies then share a laugh together as they relax. Miriam then notices all of C's scars whilst swimming near her and asks, "Oh my....is that why you're not comfy in your body?"

"Yeah.....I've got a lot of em so..."

"It's ok. I've got some too. It's a little hard to see on this tiny form, but it is what it is." Miriam says before showing C the recent scarring from the night Leatherbeard tried having his way with her.

"Oh damn. Those probably sting like hell still huh?"

"Only at night when I'm sleeping. Although I try to not let it show. I don't want Strife to worry about me you know?" Miriam replies.

"As his sister, I believe he should know this Miriam. You'd best tell him if you're in any pain. Otherwise he may panic if he finds you randomly trying to manage the pain on your own." Fury tells her.

"Well you are his sister so I guess you have a point Fury. He does often eye me when it gets bad enough though." Miriam softly states.

"Probably because he's already worried Miriam. Try telling him when you're in pain. I'm sure he'd want to ease it where he could." Morgen tells her.

"Right of course. Although since we're on the subject, do you have any scars Mina?"

"Oh no, I'm only a mage little lassie. But being a Skogsrå I do have a hollow back." Mina responds.

"Oh now you say the proper term?" Fury inquires teasingly.

"Oh like ya wouldn't keep calling me out for using the Norwegian term ya bitch." Mina retorts to Fury's laughter.

Mina then stands up to reveal her back to them and begins to let loose. But only enough to reveal her hollow back. Once she hears the girls' surprised gasps, she goes back into the disguise. She then takes the time to catch her breath. "Well....*huff*...that took a lot outta me. But there ya are lassies. The hollow back of a Huldra."

"Skogsrå." Morgen muttered.

"I said hush."

The ladies then share another laugh together. They're then finally joined by Esmie. Who is only doing it to be a good example for Arn. And because she promised to bathe if he did. Since he's keeping his end of that Esmie will too.

"Damas de Hola."

"Hello to you too. Although did we ever catch your name?" Fury inquires.

"Name's Esmerelda, but Esmie works fine."

She then gets in and enjoys the company. Meanwhile the men are having their own moment. At first they're all fine aside from War who's hiding underwater a teenie bit. But Strife ends up breaking the ice.

"Soooooo...how's everybody doing?"

"Fine." Puck replies.

"Fine." Harker adds.

"Fine." Sygr says before eating more of the fruit.

"Just fine." Arn states simply.

"I'm good." Bardak replies.

Gregory however says all embarrassed, "I'm..doing alright.."

War just grumbles, muffled by the water as his mouth his submerged. Only the top of his head and nose are above the surface.

Strife then looks at him, "Ok grumpy head you're doing just fine."

War then lifts his head back up to comment, "I'm used to you, but NOT other people."

Then as War goes back down Puck looks at them weird, "Uuuhh what? Phrasing my gents phrasing, yer about to give Harker here a bloody nose."

"HEY!"

"Oh ye know it and so do I shut up." Puck tells an offended Harker.

Sygr just stares on with no care, which prompts some questions, "Some men were bored in the ring. I do NOT wish to go into detail."

Arn just shudders a bit, leading Sygr to pat his back gently. "Thanks for making sure I wasn't part of that."

"And I'm sorry you witnessed it too early. Seriously a few of them were way too eager to show off."

"OK CAN WE MOVE THE HELL ON?!" War suddenly shouts in more embarrassment.

Puck nods, "I'm getting a little bit discomfort here. Although I can't really say much against it given my extracurricular activities."

"OK MOVING ON!" War shouts again.

Bardak meanwhile just chuckles, "Ya make it sound as though ya don't get sex War."

War blushes hard and sinks even deeper. Causing Strife to explain, "He's a cinnamon roll."

"Wait....what do ya mean by that?" Bardak asked a little confused.

"Strife....is yer brother...'pure'?" Puck inquires.

"As pure and uptight as an Angel. And just as dense sometimes too." Strife remarks.

"HEY!" War yells at him annoyed.

Strife then gets a call and answers it. He's expecting Miriam at first and isn't paying attention, "Hey baby?"

"Pardon Atan?"

"Oh...sorry Ma."

War starts laughing a bit in background. It coming out as little bubbles from under the water.

"Quit laughing at me." Strife demands of him.

"It's funny."

"Says the man who couldn't grasp a knock knock joke."

War then grumbles under water again as Strife tells Ale, "Ok so how are you doing? Doing good."

"Just fine....Atan...", Ale responds trying not to giggle.

"You're never gonna let this go are you?"

"No." Ale admits.

"Please don't tell Death, it'll make this worse." Strife begs before hearing strained snickering in the background, "You heard ALL OF THAT?"

Ale then looks at Death as the vines tell her to and they describe the sign language he's using. She then translates for Strife, "Yes you....ugh...bitch..I did."

Ale then smacks Death upside the head as Strife snickers a bit to himself at Ale's discomfort at saying the word bitch, "Really Ma? It's just a word."

"I'm a grown ass man." Death tries to say in an intimidating way only to end up with a crack in his tone.

He only groans as Ale tells him, "You need your rest Atan go back to sleep."

"I don't need to sleep." Death retorts before letting out a single cough.

Ale then raises her shoe, "You want one to the head?"

"You're not Spanish Ceise."

Death then gets it to the head and Llildan sticks him with a needle right as he's hit. Death then slowly begins to fall asleep, "You....cheated...."

Once he's out Strife asks Ale, "So why'd you even call me to begin with?"

"To let you know that your brother is in Russia with your Grandfather. It should be a faster process, and it's via an injection. One he needed to have injected whilst asleep." Ale explains to him.

"Ah...I really don't wanna know what that looks like. So...what else are you doing?"

"Not much else, you Atan?" Ale inquires warmly.

"Ah me and boys are soaking in some water. You know if Stormbeard were here, we'd probably be electrocuted. Not on purpose but still."

Suddenly they hear a crackle of thunder, and Harker tells Strife, "Let's not piss off a cousin of Thor, several times removed."

"Yeah yeah...what can he do?"

"Strike us with a bolt of thunder."

"We're indoors."

"Strike us with a bolt of thunder.", Harker repeats to Strife.

"What seriously?"

"Yes, he's that powerful."

War then lifts his head up again, "Strife, get out of the water."

"Wait a minute why are you saying that? Why is he saying that? I'm now paranoid why is he saying that?"

War then tries getting out himself and Strife does too before getting a tiny bolt to his ass, "OW! What the?!"

"Like I said, powerful." Harker informs him.

"Wha..a..geh...How did he do that? I didn't even see it, where'd that come from?"

Sygr chuckles, "That storm giant is more skilled than we thought."

"Wait how did he know that? Wait....you did not." Strife says immediately to Harker with an accusatory tone.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hand it over." Strife states firmly.

"Hand what over?"

"Hand it over."

"No."

"Bitch, I said hand it over."

"Oh please why would I cave to that?"

"Come on Stormcaller hand it over."

Harker then cocks his head, "Call me that again, and you'll learn why I got the name.", his tone is surprisingly dangerous sounding.

"Come on Stormcaller, show me what you're made of."

"Are the Horsemen always so ready for battle?"

"That's Strife on a normal day." War explains.

"I thought that was usually you." Harker says.

War gets an awkward look on his face, "Fair point."

Harker then sighs before turning into his true form and telling everyone in the room, "I'd cover my ears were I you gentlemen."

They all do so and Harker lets loose a call akin to a banshee scream in volume. Sending Strife flying into the wall before he stops it.

"The heee-he-he-hell dude?!" Strife exclaims in excitement.

"You actually enjoyed that? What are you a masochist?" Harker inquires.

"What?! NO HELL NO! What the fuck dude?!"

"You're the one getting excited over me slamming you into a wall." Harker explains.

Strife then notices the crystal isn't active anymore, indicating Ale hung up during all of that. Course now Llildan is having to make sure Ale's alright as she scratches at her ears a bit.

"What's wrong Atari?"

"Oh dear....uhm pardon?" Ale asks scratching further.

Llildan finally just stops her from scratching anymore and snaps his fingers by both her ears. She has a delayed response which leaves him having to ensure she gets her hearing back to normal. He gets an ear drop from close by and gently works to get a drop or two in each ear. Ale isn't used to it and naturally flips when the first drop goes into her ear. "Easy Atari, this will help just stay still."

Ale takes a moment before finally staying still whilst Llildan gets the drops into her right ear. He then has her lay down on that side and holds her hand gently. He can't even remember the last time he did.

He sighs and says quietly, "If only you were here."

Ale holds her Ceiser's hand tighter and calls out to him, "Ceiser?"

"Steady Atari, you're fine. Just lay there until the liquid comes out. It's cleaning your ears right now, and it's fixing a few things as well to stop the swelling."

She gives a little nod and continues laying there. Death meanwhile begins groaning and Llildan gets up to prepare another bottle. Course Ale grips him all the more when he does. "Ale it's alright, you'll be fine Atari. Just lay there and I'll be close by. I need to prepare something for your Atan. It'll help his throat."

Ale finally relents for Death's sake and lets Llildan get to work. He gets a bottle similar to the eye drops but tweaked for throats instead. Death comes to just as he's done.

"Ugh....ack my throat.."

"Easy Gras Atan, just open your mouth and stay still."

"Gras Ceiser? Where's...Ceise?"

"Hush for now. Just open wide." Llildan requests simply.

Death does so reluctantly and feels a few drops go down his throat. Naturally he has the urge to cough but holds it back as best he can.

"That's it. Now let it do it's work. And coughing is a little bit required for this."

Death nods before finally letting a few coughs loose. It was akin to the feeling one gets when choking on their own saliva. He then lay there for a while as Llildan prepared the last step, a strange looking device. Death was apprehensive of course but stayed as still as he could. Llildan noticed the concern and told him, "You've nothing to worry about, this is completely safe I can assure you."

"What....is this thing?"

"Just need to get some warm liquid in here and we'll be golden? I think that's the right phrase...anyway...What sort of liquid do you drink Gras Atan?"

"Why is it important?"

"Just need to know." Llildan tells him.

Death thinks a moment and replies, "Nice warm cup of earl grey."

"Hmm, alright." Llildan responds before typing something into the A.I. system of his home.

From there Death watches as water makes it's way to a heating system before being transferred through a filter for purification purposes. After that is done Llildan takes the vessel the water lands in by hand to the machine and pours it inside. He then places a tea bag into a compartment below where the water was placed. Finally Llildan places a thin tube into Death's mouth.

"Just don't forget to swallow, and also use this remote here to either slow it down or stop it."

Death just nods and takes the remote, hoping for the best. Llildan then starts things up and soon Death sees the tea traveling down to his mouth. He's extremely confused but doesn't have much time to think on it as he's forced to focus on swallowing the tea. He's surprised it doesn't burn him, but only for a moment. Eventually he gets the hang of things and soon the machine cuts off naturally as the tea runs out.

Llildan then tells him, "Now drink up the rest if you can. Makes cleaning up this thing easier."

Death does so and finally releases the tube once he's done, "That...was weird."

"But it helped."

"Yeah it did actually. Still a bit scratchy but I can manage that with my own blends later. Where's Ceise?" Death inquires.

"Oh just over here. Your friend Harker shrieked over the crystal at Strife and Ale's ears took a bit of an unintended hit. Although she should've hung up beforehand."

"Logically, is she ok?"

"Partially deaf in both ears, tinnitus." Llildan states.

Death sighs, "Tell Ale to call me whenever she's well."

"And take it easy on yourself. You're going to need to rest frequently."

"Understood."

With that Death teleports back to Titania's and decides to make his own cup before resting up. Course Fuzzball sees him and is ecstatic. Hopping up and down and rolling over all cute.

"At least Ale managed to take care of you beforehand. Glad to see you're back to your usual self. Perhaps you can go find the girls, I'll need to be resting soon."

Course Death hears a door open and the sound of the ladies talking. Looking behind him he notices one of the bathing rooms' doors is open. "Uh I should probably vacate the area now. Come on Fuzzball."

Fuzzball follows him with a little bark that catches Morgen's attention. She sees Death and is glad he's doing alright. Wren then comes on down from the other end and notices the party she missed.

"Ok ladies next time invite me ok? Can't go leaving me out."

"Last I checked you were still training Wren." Fury replies.

Meanwhile as all of this had been going down, finally someone woke up. He yawned deeply as Verdak came to rest at long last. He has black wooly hair with horns the same color that held lines of magenta. They curled like those of a ram, and his eyes were also bifurcated like one's with the same magenta color of his horns. His skin was completely grey and his clothes are black silk with magenta stripes. Large moth wings suddenly dazzled his weary vision before a moth like woman landed in front of him. She bowed low as he sat up in the bed.

"Good Morning, my sweet Dream King."

"Morning, my Queen of Dreams. Must've had a doozy of a dream last night. What did I miss by chance?" The King of Dreams asked his wife whilst cracking his back.

"Well Aries my love, we have a new one. Or rather, one we've been waiting for, for so long." She says coming onto the bed with him. In her arms is a wrapped up bundle. She unwraps it to reveal a teenie tiny newborn periwinkle lamb. It lets out a cute baa, leaving the Dream King glad.

"Ilona. She's alive. I....ehhh...I...." He says in shock as the happiness hits him tenfold.

He can only laugh as his wife explains, "Yes, she's soon to come back to us. Although...she may need some convincing."

"Why is that? What happened?"

"Verdak has pushed our girl so far. She's angry and I fear she may want nothing to do with our home after the horrible things he's done." His wife replies hugging him in worry.

He growls angrily before getting up and immediately smashing something, "THAT BASTARD! ANYTIME ANYTHING GOOD IN OUR LIVES HAPPENS HE RUINS IT! HE RUINS IT HOW DOES HE?! HOW DOES HE KNOW?!"

His wife shudders a bit in fear as does the tiny lamb which huddles into her. Only then does Aries calm himself down. "I'm sorry. I'm good now. How's this little one doing?"

"Scared but otherwise fine. Just needs more nutrients. Hopefully Ilona will find more for herself soon. She's starting to grow."

"She is? I can't wait...t-to see her again. I need..that is we need...to find a way to reach...no...to find...no uhm...Ah I'm already stuttering." Aries says as his wife works to calm him down.

Nergal overhears whilst hiding nearby and leaves a message for Lunara, Aries' wife. Aries goes to prepare something, anything to reach his child. But Lunara finds the note in the meantime.

"I have a way in, meet me in the woods you left me in. I have the secrets you require. Oh and I go by Nergal now, remember that."

Lunara sighs and heads off to go see what's going on, bringing the teenie lamb with her. Course as she looks around she calls out, "Nergal? Nergal?!"

"Over here, also not so loud. I don't want Aspen hearing anything." Nergal tells her.

"Aspen? Who is she?"

"A story for another time. For now I want to help you reach Ilona. Although she is quite adamant about her name being Morgen. Her memories are also lost to her. I have tried to slow down her growing, but VERDAK KEPT INTERVENING. I could sense the raw nightmare in her the last time we spoke." Nergal explains.

"What all happened, what must I be aware of?" Lunara asked of him.

"Ilona has found interest in a mortal. A different version of the Nephilim we knew before the rise of the First Kingdom. He subjected the Horseman Death, the Nephilim in question, to one of his own nightmares. I tried to aid him, but Verdak's persistence has always been so great. He's convinced he's doing this for Morgen out of love. He's even twisted Uther. I tried to help the man, to stop the breaking of his mind. But I've already lost, and Morgen has suffered for my failures. Uther has.....'deflowered' her. The way a gardener would with an axe. And he has continued to do so." Nergal says in deep anger. Clenching his fists as his tattoos light up briefly.

"Steady Nergal. We WILL FIX THIS. For now just let me know if there's anything else I should know before speaking to her."

Nergal sighs, "She does not wish to know her lineage anymore. And I have already alluded to the relationship between Verdak and Aries. And one of our dear sisters is in her mind. That is all I know. Just...help her in the way I was unable to."

Lunara places a hand on his shoulder, "I'll do all I can for her. Both me and Aries will do all we must. Thank you Nergal. Know that you did your best, and that in itself is a good sign. I'm glad you're stepping up for a change. Hopefully one day you'll be able to do so with your..."

"DO NOT mention that. Not here. And certainly not in any worlds at all. We are NOT FAMILY, WE NEVER WERE. Good day." Nergal growls at her before walking away.

Lunara watches him sadly before whispering, "I'm sorry we didn't love you enough."

She then flies back into the Dream Realm, still sullen and depressed. The lamb nuzzles her gently, and receives a little cuddle in return.

Aries notices her though, "What's wrong my love?"

"A man named Nergal told me some troubling things. He has a way to help us reach Ilona. But he's mentioned things that trouble me in regards to her." Lunara tells him, not wanting to reveal Nergal's identity. As it would likely anger him deeply.

"What did he speak of? What's wrong?"

Lunara explains all she was told and watches as Aries grows angry. At first she's worried he realized who Nergal truly was. But she gets a twinge of relief when he speaks again.

"When I get my hands on Verdak he's going to know what my fury is. WHAT MY RAGE IS. And Uther? OOOOOOOOH. I THOUGHT WHAT HE DID TO MY FATHER WAS ONE THING, BUT THIS?! SICKENS TO MY CORE!" He growls whilst punching through a wall.

Lunara and their daughters outside give various yelps. Lunara in particular jumps as well.

"I'm sorry. I just...after what happened I can't...I'm starting to lose it. I can't handle losing anymore of our children." Aries tells Lunara whilst holding her close. Course he's suddenly hit with the secrets of how to reach Morgen and where she is. It comes so fast however that he can't tell who sent it. "What...how...uhm....ok I don't know who sent that but I think I know a way now. Was that you Lunara?"

"He did say he wanted to help, and he did." Lunara says simply.

"Oh. Give him my thanks if you ever come across him. But for now we have a family to reunite."

Lunara then helped her husband to transport to Death's mind with her. He finds it ridiculous that they need to go through Death first in order to see her. But he goes through it for her sake.

"Do we really have to ask a Nephilim for permission to see our daughter?"

"I see no other way, do you?" Lunara asks him.

Course something stops the two in their tracks, and they find Death has wards on his mind. Not to mention feeling the presence of a very old deity around for some reason.

"Well then, is it considered breaking and entering to blast through these things?" Aries inquires.

"How should I know?" Lunara questions him.

Aries then blasts through the wards like nothing. Course they're met with Crom not too long after. He doesn't speak though, rather just directs the two to a current dream of Death's. Clearly the trauma Verdak left him with has reawakened old nightmares again. Aries can see that much when he and Lunara find him.

Aries sighs, "Now what should we do with this?"

Lunara looks on in the nightmare as it finishes up for Death. He only wakes up briefly, or rather he thinks he does. Lunara and Aries both look at each other before watching further. They notice Death looks troubled by something. Course what they don't know, is that Death is hearing the cries of an infant. Part of him tells him he shouldn't recognize it, but the other is certain that it's Coventina. He begins looking around frantically for her. Wandering the darkened void for the little baby. Death suddenly stops as he hears a sickening crunch. With it the sounds of the infant's cries cease. He drops to his knees, sensing what just came about. Then he hears a familiar voice, one he's not heard in eons.

"HOOORSEMAANN...It's been such a LONG TIME...."

Death goes to respond but hears another crunching of bones. He glances up nervously to see Black Annis looking more deformed than she'd been when he battled her. Course he also sees a bloody bundle. Looking more closely, he realizes what it is. He saw a now faceless baby within the bundle, and just broke. Black Annis faded away with laughter as Crom's flames lit up all around him.

Death paid no heed to this or Crom's words, "There isssss....no hope...."

Death heard a distorted cry from in front of him and finally looked up again. Only to suddenly scurry backwards as an infant shaped pile of worms began to approach him. When he finally chose to run, he realized the flames had trapped him in there with this....thing.

"ENOUGH OF YOUR GAMES! ENOUGH OF THIS MADNESS! I've had enough for now! JUST LEAVE ME BE!" Death shouted out to Crom.

Aries chooses to wait for now, as so far nothing too dangerous has come about in his opinion. Lunara looks at him expectantly though, clearly being worried for the man they were visiting.

Crom's laughter came next, "Give in.....what do you truly have to live for...? You began alone....and so it will be when you die....so just end it....It'd be so easy...."

"FUCK OFF!!!" Death screams in pure rage.

Crom only laughs again, "I will have you someday Horseman....you can't escape me forever.....you can't be rid of me.....I will forever be a thorn in your side.....the crawling beneath your skin....everything you fear."

Death goes to take a swing, but only hits empty space and air as Crom continues to laugh at him.

"Damn you. Come out and fight me like a man!"

"Like a man? Funny....since when were you ever a man? I AM A GOD....and you are but the mindless thought of a whore...who didn't even give birth to you..." Crom inquired with chuckles.

"Shut up. SHUT. UP." Death growls at him.

"What's wrong? Did I bring up.....'painful' memories?"

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode Four: Wolves Gone Wild

View in Google Docs

Summary: June 15, 2015 - With Sammy & Ben in contention over a forced apology regarding the Bass Tournament, a full moon causes all hell to break loose on the outskirts of King Falls.

[Podcast intro music]

[KFAM rock intro music]

Ben Top of the hour here on King Falls AM, that’s 660 on the AM dial. And we’re live here on this crisp, King Falls evening. It’s a full moon, and you know what that means, so be careful out there. It’s four AM, on the dot, and as per instructed by Merv, the station manager, who we will be—

Sammy [agitated] You’re really gonna play that.

Ben [sarcastically] Oh look who’s talking again, everybody! Sammy Stevens, ladies and gents.

Sammy Very funny, Ben. You know, we’ve played this apology enough. let’s just get back on track, how ‘bout it?

Ben Gotta do it.

[radio static as recording begins]

Sammy Hello, this is Sammy Stevens and I’m sitting here with Ben Arnold, your co-host of King Falls AM.

[record scratch]

Sammy No! We aren’t doing this, Ben.

Ben Sammy! I’m gonna have to file a report if we don’t play this apology at the top of every hour.

Sammy Write it up!

Ben I don’t want to!

Sammy Then don’t.

Ben Sammy— can we talk about this? Folks, uh, we’re just gonna take a quick break for—

Sammy No break, no apology, you wanna play that tape?

Ben No, but we have to!

Sammy Fine. You know what? We’ll do this one live, kids, and *angry laugh/huff* boy are you in for a treat.

Ben I don’t know, I—

Sammy [mildly outraged] So there’s a note, on the board, when we came in. We’re to record an apology to you, the dear listeners and residents of King Falls—

Ben Merv simply asked that we apologize for… creating a controversy at the 55th annual—

Sammy We talk about the news here. Relevant subjects that affect this town. What we don’t do- *angry laughing* What we would never do, is apologize for trying to cover a breaking news story! A dead body at a public event that King Falls AM is covering is News.

Ben Maybe Mayor Grisham went a little overboard kicking us out- I’m not saying he didn’t, but—

Sammy [outrage continues] If I owned this station! If I owned the station? I’d go after him. I mean, why isn’t Merv mad at Grisham. Why is this on us? [softer] Have you even met Merv, Ben?

Ben Yes— I mean… not in person, but— Look, we have a show to keep on track: in a few minutes we’ll be speaking with both of the winners of the 55th annual Bass Tournament—

Sammy How ‘bout this. How ‘bout we open up the phone lines and talk about how the good Mayor Grisham is strongarming the media—

[static]

Announcer This Sunday evening, at 7PM, we say goodbye to longtime host of King Falls Sewing Corner, Esther Rollens, the way she would’ve wanted us to.

Esther [old, wavering voice] Talkin’ about life, talkin’ about love, and crochetin’ a mean doily while we’re at it!

Announcer While we will all miss Esther’s sweet stitchery tips and needlepoint mastery, we’ll miss Esther even more.

Esther We’ll darn your socks, and maybe even darn your men to heck, while we’re at it.

Announcer We’ll reminisce and play clips from Sewing Corner’s illustrious twenty-four year run. As well as a live music tribute from Esther’s favourite band.

[heavy metal music] ♪WAKE UP. YOU’LL SEE.♪

Esther Ohh, I just love these boys! All possible states. [heavy metal music fades out] Always remember: bad times never last. But badasses certainly do! We’ll see you soon, King Falls!

Announcer Hopefully not too soon, Esther. 7PM, this Sunday. Help us say goodbye to King Falls’ most bitchin’ granny.

[heavy metal music resumes] ♪*SCREAMING* I WILL NEVER REESST. UNTIL I WALK IN THE SUNSET. BURN ME UP IN FLAAMES.♪

[heavy metal fades out]

Ben I didn’t cut you off, Sammy!

Sammy Real mature, Ben.

Ben You were looking right at me, I didn’t even touch the board! And you know Esther Rollens was slated for 4:32 AM! I’d never.

Sammy [sarcastically] Oh, oh, okay, it must’ve been General Abilene, right?

Ben You know he’s in Sweetzer Fore- Sheesh. Can’t you just take some calls? You’re killing me. Line 6!

Cecil Sheffield [Cecil’s voice is old and slurred] Benjamin Arnold! Mr. Sheffield here! Why’re you on- the radio?

Ben [muttered] Crap. Bass Tournament winners were scheduled for two minutes ago. I-I’m gonna call the other—

Sammy Oh! So we can talk about the tournament, we just can’t talk about the dead body.

Ben Sammy.

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Cecil Sheffield to the show, uh, co-winner of the 55th annual King Falls Bass Tourney.

Ben It’s great to have you. Mr. Sheffield.

Cecil It’ss good to be taalkin’ to you fellas too! Benn, how’re yer grades holdin’ up this year?

Ben Uhh, I- *confused laugh* I- I graduated uh- already. Sev-several years ago—

Cecil No more late papers thiss semester, Mr. Arrnold.

Sammy Yeah, Ben! No more late papers!

Ben *deep breath* For those of you who don’t know: Mr. Sheffield was my history teacher at King Falls High School. [embarrassed and tense] Shouldn’t he be retired by now?

Cecil [singing] ♫Riiiiiising miidst the goooolden orrrange, graaandly iiin tooo th— bluuuee, reeeeeaches our dear aaaaalma maater—♫

Sammy *clapping sarcastically* There ya have it folks! Mr. Cecil Sheffield, winner of this year’s King Falls Idol.

Cecil Go Faaallls! I rreally lovve talkin’ t’ you guuys.

Ben [awkwardly] And we… love talking to you.

Sammy How ‘bout we talk about the big win at the tournament, huh? You split the grand prize, $500 and a bass boat, is that correct?

Cecil Ohh it was awwesome. Staandin’ up there at the podium with ma’ good friend Herrschel! I’m happy t’ shaare the prriize wi’ such a great man! I haven’ gotten a channce to uuse the new booat- uhh… yet—

Ben Aaand, we’ve got Herschel Baumgartner!

Sammy Sorry to cut you off, Cecil. Herschel, you’re live on King Fal-

Herschel [angry as always] You usurpin’, unsportsmanlike, son of a b[bleep]h filth! I know all you were colludin’ against me this year. It’s a conspiracy!

Sammy I’m sorry, what now, Mr. Baumgartner?

Herschel You know exactly what I’m talkin’ about, Big City.

Ben We actually don’t, Mr. Baumgartner.

Herschel Don’t mouth off to me, you conspirin’ little bag of d[bleep]ks!

Sammy Hey! Hey, hey, Herschel! No one is conspiring against anybody here! You should be happy right now, this is what, your fourth time winning the tournament? Granted, let’s be honest, a cadaver should probably give this one an asterisk.

Ben [eagerly] 1989,1992, and now back-to-back titles in 2014 and 2015. You’re the first ever to have four titles!

Herschel [hesitantly] W-wellll, when you put it like that, I guess. I never thought o’ it that way. I was just so red-faced about someone pokin’ a hole in the bottom of my boat right after I caught my last fish. Old Cecil wouldn’t’ve come close if some boobstain hadn’t’a messed with my damn boat!

Ben Kingsie got ya!

Herschel [mocking] It wasn’t Kingsie; that serpenty little b[bleep]h!

Cecil Iss that Herrschel? Hooww ya doin’ buddy? I’miss ya. Why dontcha answer when I calll?

Herschel [back to angry] Cecil! You cheatin’ dog pecker! I’d know-what-it was you who sunk my battleship! You couldn’t stand to have me win all by myself this year you limp-d[bleep]ked drunkard!

Ben Ooh-[worried]Haah! We’re gonna have to ask you. to watch your language. Mr. Baumgartner.

Herschel Now you listen here, you motherf[bleep]—

[dial tone]

Sammy Hello?

Ben Sorry Sammy. Merv’s already not happy, let’s not have the FCC[1]join him?

Sammy You know, you’re gettin’ real good with that dump button trigger finger tonight, Ben.

Ben I told you I didn’t dump you! Herschel, yes, but not you.

Sammy Y- *huff/laugh* You were so right about this full moon tonight, Ben.

Ben [mumbled] This is a nightmare.

Sammy [seriously] Hey. I’m sorry. Okay? I shouldn’t have gotten so fired up.

Ben You and Herschel both- You know how hard I work on this schedule? Don’t… puppy dog eye me, Sammy.

Sammy Hey, I’m just tryin’ to ice this apology cake, buddy.

Ben … 6:20, you buy me a stack of pancakes, at Rose’s Diner, and… we’ll call it even.

Sammy Sounds like a plan. So you’ve heard our story King Falls, now let’s hear—

Ben Good grief, we’ve got line 2, he’s in a panic.

Sammy Aren’t we all? You’re on the air with Sammy and Ben, what can we—

Line 2 [overly dramatic] No time for pleasantries- I need the law!

[small dogs barking in bg throughout call]

Ben Sir, uh, 911 is probably your best bet.

Sammy Or maybe tweet Troy and hashtag “KingFalls911” [half-muttered] I dunno.

Line 2 You silly Sallys. I’ve already called, the deputy is on the way. But I’m havin’ a terrible night, and I don’t appreciate the two of you makin’ it worse!

Ben Wait, is this- Archie Simmons?

Archie [sing-song] The one and onlyy.

Ben Is there something wrong out at the Pomchi Palace?

Sammy Pomchi? What the hell is a “pomchi”?

Archie Oh my gawd, read a book Sammy.

Ben It’s a dog— breed, half pomeranian, half chihuahua.

Sammy Oh! So Archie’s a professional dog breeder.

Archie Best bitches in the tri-state area!

Ben [flatly] That’s their motto.

Archie [softly aside, cooing] That’s a good baby, Daddy loves you! What’s that? That angry, mean werewolf violated you? Don’t you worry, Daddy will make. him. pay.

Sammy Did he just say “werewolf?”

Archie You betchyer bottom dollar I did!

Sammy Ben, I- I can’t.

Ben T-tell us what’s going on, Archie.

Archie Well, I live offa Route-72, damn near out of town. It’s usually nice and quiet [muttering](except for those damn trashy rednecks in their trailer park every damn Saturday night!)

Ben Buuut, tonight, it’s not nice and quiet?

Archie Hell no! I woke up to the most godawful squawlin’. I mean it sounded like a freight train hit a barrel a’ screamin’ billygoats. Half a step below a damn eight f[bleep] bottle rocket.

Ben That is vivid!

Sammy [being a smart-aleck] Dare I say, was it a half-man, half-wolf?

Ben [unimpressed] Good job, Sammy.

Sammy [quietly] Please don’t encourage this.

Archie It was so terrible a noise, I thought I might’a dreamed it. But then I heard it again!

Sammy Go on.

Archie So I threw on my slippers, and I went runnin’ towards the back of the house— an’ I’m scared, because I just paid— well, I paid a bundle for a couple’a these new pomchi bitches? So I’m worried that maybe Rufus (that’s my labradoodle)—

Sammy Labradoodl—?

Ben [quickly] Labrador-poodle mix.

Archie Damnit, Google it fellas and keep up. I’m worried that Rufus is maybe snuck in the backyard and roughed up the new pomchis? So I rushed toward the back and Rufus is in the Florida Room— just a-growlin’ mind you— so it wasn’t him. So I burst open the back door, and what do I see??

Ben What-ahh… wh-wh-what did you see?

Archie [increasingly distressed I see a half-man, half-dog, bent over hunchin’ the hell out of my twenty-four-hundred-dollar Princess Von Barktooth!

Ben Not Princess Von Barktooth!

Sammy Okay, so you run outside in your slippers, and you see some skeezy pervert, and he’s got your dog—

Archie In the biblical sense! But the maaan was A. Werewolf.

Sammy Are we really talkin’ about wolf-man werewolves, here? *laughs* I’m sorry Ben—

Archie You shouldn’ be sorryin’ to Beeen! He’s not the one who’s been sodomized by a damn man-wolf! And now I gotta stay up all night watchin’ the princess and dealin’ with the law! Lord knows I’m worried that this leads to long term emotional distress, or, worse. [distraught] An’ we can just throw out winnin’ the Westminster trophy!![2] That was not in our five year plAN!!!

Ben I have to. What- Was the five year plan?

Archie [soft and rushed] Princess Von Barktooth was supposed to fall in love with another purebred pomchi, who sweeps her off her feet, holds open all the doggy doors for her, shares all his treats. *giggles* [to the dog] Isn’t that right lil princess?

Sammy [derisively] This is just silly. I mean it was obviously just a creep with serious issues, not a mythical—

Archie Are you callin’ me a liar? I saw that abomination with my own two baby blues.

Ben S-Sammy likes to look at these paranormal events from all angles, Archie.

Archie Well the angle that I saw it at was a G-D crime against humanity and dogmanity alike! The beast man looked at me, evil in his eyes, and desire in his heart, tossed my princess like a ragdoll, howled at the moon like the wretched demon that he is and scampered off!!

Ben Ar-Archie have- have you had issues with the werewolves before?

Archie Oh-my-gosh, who hasn’t? Ol’ Dylan hillbilly Baxter used to pepper buckshot those chicken-thievin’ shapeshiftin’ sons-of-bitches!

Sammy Brass tacks[3] here; Is Princess Von Barktooth okay?

Archie Needless to saayy, we are more than a bit shaken by this turn of events.

Sammy Have you looked into silver bullets? eBay? Amazon Prime?

Archie You come out here the next full moon you sassy Sally and I’ll show you more werewolves than you can shake a d[bleep]k at… Aw, I just heard Deputy Troy pull up, I gotta go, boys. [click]

[dial tone]

Ben Th-thanks for letting all of us know that there’s been some activity on the wolf front, Archie.

Sam This is just too much. Look, stay safe, Archie, listening public. I’m not saying that there’s werewolves on the loose—

Ben There are.

Sammy *laugh/huff* Ben. Everyone stay safe. There’s definitely something in the air tonight.

Ben Oh no. Sammy *heavy breath* Can you take Line One?

Sammy Do I even want to ask?

Finn [panicked] Sammy?! Ben?! It’s bad! It’s real bad, y’ know?!

Sammy Are you alright, Finn?

Finn [still strained and panicked] I-I didn’t.. even see him comin’! Musta run head-long through the truck on my blind side!

Sammy Who did? What’s going on?

Ben Finn hit a dog, off Route 72.

Sammy You’re f[bleep]king kidding.

Finn [distraught, almost crying] This poor little guy! I feel so bad, y’know? [less scared, more nervous] Actually. He’s not that little.

Ben Finn, are you still in your truck?

Finn Oh yeah, but I stopped it when I hit the fella… I’ma shakin’ somethin’ awful here.

Sammy [“not” worried] I think you should start the truck up, and just keep on movin’.

Finn … I think he’s still alive! I’m goin’ out to do the right thing an’ check this out, Sammy.

Ben Sammy’s right. Keep—

Finn I’m outside the truck! Headin’ back towards the pooch!

Sammy Get back in the truck, Finn! [quietly aside] Uh, you know, because it could be a- a coyote or something, n-not a were- you know.

Finn Oh my. This poor fella don’t look too good. This looks— Whoa now!

Ben Move your maple lovin’ ass, Finn!

Finn It’s two-leg runnin’ at me boys! What the f[bleep]k!

Sammy Finn? Finn?!

[sounds of a struggle, garbled words, then howling]

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] FCC - The Federal Communications Commission is an independent agency of the United States government that regulates communications by radio, television, wire, satellite, and cable across the United States.

[2] Westminster trophy - The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is an all-breed conformation show that has been hosted in New York City annually since 1877.

[3] Brass tacks - n. details of immediate practical importance —usually used in the phrase “get down to brass tacks”

[attractthecrows]

tell me this is not yusuke's mom