#and this is exactly why I’ve isolated myself from everyone!

[sab-teraa]

.

[superiorsturgeon]

out of curiosity, why do you like sturgeons so much?

A chance to info dump about my favorite fish…?!

I grew up in the Great Lakes area of North America, where fishing is pretty popular but everyone knows that fish populations aren’t anything like “the good old days” when people took out huge numbers of fish while messing up their spawning sites. I got pretty into fishing when I found out that I could catch bluegill in the surrounding farm ponds, and once in a while my family took me to an isolated fishing cabin for vacation, but for years I never encountered a wild fish bigger than a kilogram or two.

BUT THEN…

I found out about sturgeon! They were HUGE fish that had once lived in the rivers and lakes all around my home, and better yet, fish almost exactly like modern sturgeon had existed all the way back in the Cretaceous period alongside the dinosaurs, and they STILL EXIST TODAY!!! The fact that small numbers of these huge dinosaur fish still existed made them seem almost like a real-life lake monster/cryptid, except that we had proof of their existence!

Furthermore, there’s just nothing else like them. Sturgeon get big. Like, REALLY big. The record for the largest sturgeon was almost 11 meters/24 feet long, which is colossal for freshwater animals. They have armor plates of bone running down their sides, and at the same time they don’t have bony skeletons. They also have a crazy mouth structure, which allows them to actually pop their jaws out like a tube and suck up food. And on top of all of this, the adults are absolute tanks. I’ve seen skin nearly 8mm thick, and it’s so tough that people make leather out of it, and they occasionally lose fins or even entire gill plates and just keep on swimming! (I found out about that last one when I tried to wrestle a big female out of a river and my hand went straight into her gills. She didn’t seem that bothered by it!)

For a long time I filed sturgeon along with Alligator Gar, Giant Mekong catfish, and Yangtze paddlefish as a semi-legendary fish that may still exist, but I was never going to see except possibly in an aquarium, until I enrolled in graduate school. For those unfamiliar with grad school in the US, it typically involves both high-level classes as well as an independent research project the student designs and carries out with help from an experienced professor. When my mentor asked what kind of thing I wanted to study, I tossed out “sturgeon” as one such possibility, expecting to hear that I would probably have to limit myself to more common/accessible species.

I was blown away when she said “Actually, I think I know a guy…”

For the next several years, I got to ride along collecting wild adult sturgeon, gathering eggs, and raising the baby fish in a lab and in a hatchery. I was holding something that I had thought of as a semi-mythical lake/river monster in my own hands! I got to see a river choked with giants as big as 2 meters long, and I got to hold a 5-centimeters mottled baby whose armored scutes were still sharp and possessed the little arrowhead shape and big black pectoral fins that remind me of Mickey Mouse ears! In the video below you can even see a little heartbeat! (Don’t worry, this little guy was returned to the tank soon after to recover from his anesthesia!)

Sadly, I didn’t find anything super groundbreaking in my research, but my experience DID land me a job working in sturgeon aquaculture! If you’ve ever had caviar that wasn’t poached, it probably came from a sturgeon farm, and if you want to see a lot of big fish up close, this is a good place to do it! I probably personally handled more individual sturgeon than there are wild fish in several sturgeon species. In addition, while the wild broodstock I mentioned above might reach 2 meters and over 50kg, the sturgeon I dealt with at the farm would easily double that, and there were a LOT of them! I got to see sturgeon behavior that had never been recorded in field guides, and even a few crazy one-in-a-million mutations like the infamous “ghost” sturgeon!

I even got the opportunity to cook my own sturgeon meat (Yeah, I basically turned into the Touden siblings from Dungeon Meshi except for sturgeon instead of RPG monsters). I got pretty good at making smoked sturgeon, but the meat is also good on the grill or baked, and people have been cooking them in various ways for centuries.

My favorite part of the job was physically wrestling the big fish! Sturgeon are easier to grab than other fish with the right know-how, but a human-sized fish often has its own plans for the day and won’t always cooperate. I was pretty good at moving the adults by the time I left that job, but it was still a wild rodeo every time!

Even more exciting was how we spawned each new generation of sturgeon. In the wild, they form massive spawning runs in big rivers that in the past would be enough to tip small boats, but in a lab or farm we have to use other means. I’ll spare you the details, but I am one of a small number of people who have surgically extracted eggs from a live sturgeon and sutured them back up to swim another day.

The tldr of this essay is that sturgeon are a big, crazy-unique fish that have been around a long time, and I’ve spent a lot of my career handling and working with them. There’s just nothing like them for a fish nerd and they’re damn cool!

(Clip art not mine, I think @sturgeonposting drew or shared it!)

[thecircularsystem]

As per the syscourse bracket challenge for this round…

Note: I’m putting this under a cut because, in the past, individuals have told me this take was horrifically triggering for their paranoia. Please continue at your own risk.

TW: Various types of harassment; mentions of sui ideation, doxxing, death threats, SA, and CSA; fakeclaiming and trauma denial; false memories

TL;DR: If we accept that endogenic systems are sometimes traumagenic systems who don’t know/are in denial, then it only makes logical sense that sometimes traumagenic systems are actually endogenic systems who don’t know/are in denial.

Long version:

Eons ago (like. A few years ago 3? That sounds about right), I got sent a bait ask with this take: “I believe some traumagenic systems are actually endogenic.” This was soon after I’d been discussing how some endogenic systems are traumagenic and just don’t know it yet.

At first, when I saw the take, I naturally balked. I mean… isn’t that fakeclaiming someone’s trauma? Isn’t that ableism?

But… the thing is, I KNOW there are endogenic systems who have hidden trauma. And I KNOW I have given myself false memories of, yes, trauma that never happened to me. I distinctly remember abuse based on my plurality that never actually happened, even if I know exactly how it played out. I convinced myself it happened, and I’ve had to do distinct work to remind myself it was my imagination.

So… is it possible a system has convinced themselves that they were formed from trauma… even if they didn’t? It seems possible. Common? No, I highly doubt it. But possible.

And moreover, what about endogenic systems who discover their systemhood and are immediately told by everyone around them that the only way to be a system is to have DID, so they must have trauma they don’t remember… so these systems would deem themselves traumagenic, even if they weren’t, because they genuinely didn’t know?

Anyways. I posted this take.

It led to me leaving my old blog entirely, panicked and getting countless suibait, death threats, and SA related asks, because I was clearly the worst person ever, fakeclaiming traumagenic systems. I was told I didn’t actually have DID if I believed that, and that I deserved the CSA I experienced. It’s why I stopped using “Mod (Name)” as a tag and changed to abstract tag phrases instead, since people attributed the take to a single alter, making our dissociative barriers grow (isolate him away from us to make others love us again so we stay safe).

I’m scared to post this again, I won’t lie. But… I’m tired of being scared of syscourse, yknow? It’s stupid. It’s pointless.

What does it matter if someone is traumagenic or endogenic or neither or both? What does it matter if someone uses the “wrong” label? Does any of this matter???

At the end of the day, we all deserve the help we need.

[my-little-random-world]

Marta: No, Andrés, wait. It’s ridiculous that Jesús knows the person who can hurt me the most in the world, and... and you don’t. Andrés: Marta, you, you’re scaring me. No, really, if you don’t want to tell me something, don’t. Don’t worry, okay? Marta: I’m going to tell you because I love you. And because with Jaime, I learned that sharing secrets with someone you know who loves you too is a good thing. Andrés: I hope I’m up to the task. Marta: Ah, I don’t even know where to start. You see, I’m not the person you think I am. Andrés: What does that mean? I don’t understand, Marta.

Marta: It means I’ve fallen in love with a woman. And she’s fallen in love with me. Andrés: Well, so... Marta: Well, it just happened. I wasn’t looking for it, I assure you. That’s why I feel like it’s... that it’s true love. For God’s sake, say something! You’re killing me with your silence! Andrés: I admit I have a lot of questions to ask you, but I’ll sum it up in one, okay? Are you happy with her? Marta: I’ve never been this happy in my life. Andrés: Then there’s nothing more to say. There’s no time for you to answer all the doubts that are running through my mind. Marta: Thank you. Andrés: Thank you for trusting me. You have all my support. You know I’m a big advocate for forbidden loves. In fact... Marta: In fact, you lead by example? Andrés: Marta, there’s something else. Maybe I’m being a bit reckless, but do I know her? Marta: Of course you know her... it’s Serafina Valero. Andrés: Our Fina? Marta: For God’s sake, how embarrassing. Seriously, with how sensitive and observant you are, you hadn’t noticed? Andrés: Sorry, but what’s happening between you two goes far beyond my sensitivity. Marta: Well, what’s forbidden is forbidden for a reason. We can’t exactly shout it from the rooftops like... like we’d like to. Andrés: Yeah. Come here. Marta: You’ve got such a big heart. What would I do in this family without you, hm?

-Next Scene-

Fina: Good afternoon, Doña Marta. Marta: Fina... Fina: What’s wrong? You look so serious. Marta: Well, more than serious, I think I’m confused, to put it one way. Fina: Why? What happened? Marta: I was talking with my father. Fina: With your father? About what? Didn’t you make it clear to him that you only wanted to deal with work matters? Marta: Yes, well, he made me an offer that has nothing to do with work, honestly. Fina: An offer? Marta, my legs are shaking just thinking about it. Marta: He wants to buy me a house in the Montes de Toledo. Fina: A house in the mountains? Marta: Yes, a little house with a garden. He says it’s very close by but at the same time, uh, isolated. Fina: Are you telling me your father is trying to buy your affection and love so blatantly? Marta: I think the offer goes much further, because he emphasized that the little house is for me to live with whoever I want. Fina: Well, of course, it’d be missing more if he started controlling who you invite and who you don’t. Marta: You don’t get it. You’re not getting it. You don’t understand. He already knows that I would only go live there with you. Fina: No conditions? Marta: No conditions. Fina: Well... that’s progress, isn’t it? Marta: Progress? It’s a Copernican shift! He’s offering us a house so that you and I can finally be together! Fina: So, have you accepted? Marta: I was left speechless, honestly. I don’t know. Fina: Yeah, it’s normal. Normal that you’re speechless. I mean, knowing your father, that house could be a poisoned gift. Marta: Yeah, I... I know. But I saw him so affected by our estrangement and so sad that deep down, I want to believe it’s not some Machiavellian plan. What are you thinking about? Fina: Oh, Marta, forgive me! I was daydreaming. Can you imagine the two of us living in a house in the mountains, away from everyone and everything? Just you and me. Can you imagine? Marta: You know, for so long I convinced myself that it was never going to happen, that now, with it so close, I’m terrified. Fina: Well, that makes the two of us. Marta: So, what do I do? Do I accept? Fina: I don’t know. He’s your father, Marta. It’s your decision. Marta: Because if I’m wrong, it might end up being one of his tricks. Fina: Yeah, it could be. But you know him better. All I can tell you is that whatever you decide, I’ll be here to support you.

[sepublic]

People -and this did include myself at one point- really don't want to engage with the fact that Belos is modeled after white supremacy by trying to bury this under the lens of "Oh he's actually a lonely weirdo like Luz!!!" when Belos' superiority complex is the most important part of him and it's where all analyses inevitably must stem from. I think the problem is that people are too attached to their speculative fanon version of Belos and instead of letting go of that to rebuild their understanding of him from the ground up (since he's a mysterious character who is only gradually revealed bit by bit), they keep clinging to this sympathetic tragic villain as the core behind their interpretation of him. 

Everything about Belos makes so much more sense when you explore him as someone akin to a lot of right-wing 4channers; A lonely young boy who was radicalized because white supremacy promised to rescue him from his isolation, and after buying into it wholesale, he very much chose to cling onto the need to be superior to the "NPCs" even when someone close to him actually unlearns and deconstructs for him why this is harmful. He sees firsthand how someone just like him is happier for leaving this mindset, and then kills them to eliminate that contradiction threatening his world belief; At which point it’s inaccurate to infantilize him as just a lonely and misguided kid, because he’s no longer a kid and he made a very cognizant and informed choice to double down and commit actual violence.

And everyone knows that by this point, such people are not actually being sincere; They’re not secretly misguided, you can’t simply attribute their harm to not knowing better because this is what their religion says or whatever. These people know they’re committing harm, but rather than help on “lesser” people’s terms, they ‘help’ the way THEY see fit, in the way that strokes their ego. That’s what separates Philip from someone like Gwen, who humbled herself to focus on what Eda was saying she really needed. So the Titan’s summarization of Belos as someone who only cares about being the hero in his own delusion, and fears what he can’t control is… hardly an oversimplification, it really gets to the core of Belos as a character, and the narrative he embodies. It captures the difference between wanting to help and having a savior complex, and is what ends up delineating the two at the crucial crossroads. 

And I find it a little concerning to joke about how this type of character is “just a silly guy” when people exactly like him are on the rise and committing very real violence right now. It’s also why I don’t buy the justification behind a lot of salt about how villains need to be humanized in order to show kids how THEY can become villains, because the show is fairly outright about how Belos rationalizes atrocities under the guise of the ‘greater good’ and refuses to self-reflect, and it’s not as if we don’t have Luz learning to understand characters like Amity or Lilith, the Collector and even Kikimora (whom she DID relate to personally, yet Kiki still doubled down with or without Belos), while still having the show emphasize that they need to get their act together and can’t just depend on people to save them. 

There’s also the very obvious theme of Luz realizing she doesn’t owe her oppressor anything, especially not when he won’t ever meet her or anyone else on their terms, but idk some people just seem to hate Luz for having boundaries I guess, even though she already put in the effort to be kind and understanding to Belos and she got hurt for it. Hell the Collector made that effort after being inspired by Luz, and Luz was murdered protecting them from that mistake!!! There are some very obvious stories and lessons being told here with the actual protagonists being the heart of those narratives, but the problem I’ve noticed is that a lot of the people complaining on Belos’ behalf are those who hyperfixated almost exclusively on the Wittebane aspect of the lore, going over it with a fine tooth comb and microscope to extrapolate an entire fanon from the littlest of details… only to just ignore the actual show and narrative and themes happening on-screen. 

And that leads to many not understanding various narrative decisions because they weren’t really paying attention to the actual point they’re in service to, and then they blame the writers for their own chosen ignorance, and how the story wasn’t about their part specifically so everything else doesn’t count and the whole show is wasted potential, really. The way so many of said fans immediately turned on Luz after the finale and tried to drag her down to Belos’ level by acting like she wasn’t any better for also wanting things and 'demonizing enemies', claiming Luz had unaddressed ‘flaws’ while Belos deserved more sympathy, and framing Belos as a ‘better’ character who ‘worked harder’ while claiming Luz was retconned into an arrogant chosen one who never grew, is actually baffling.

A lot of them are just upset that Belos didn’t play the role in Luz’s arc that they wanted him to play, so they’ve opted to dismiss Luz’s overall storyline as badly written and even a reflection of Dana's 'Catholic complex' (which is a tasteless jab to make) because they neglected the nuance behind every other aspect of Luz that wasn’t directly tied to Belos, that didn’t set her up as the one person who understands him or whatever because that’s more important to them than addressing the sheer trauma and pain that Belos willingly inflicted upon Luz. Because god forbid this brown girl be angry against her white abuser, huh? God forbid the white guy be used to set up the brown main character, rather than the other way around right????? It’s really just a jealous complaint about the show’s choice of priorities and celebration, hidden under the false guise of ever caring about Luz’s arc for Luz’s sake.

And that’s how you get insincere arguments about how Belos should’ve been able to survive, that’s how you get AUs that undermine the lessons of canon to egregiously relegate Luz to being Belos’ sidekick, or even present her as an obstacle to him getting his much-needed redemption, as if that last part hinges on all of Belos’ victims getting over their pain to help him, because obviously he needs it more than they do! Because we gotta spare Belos’ feelings by giving him friends instead of consequences!!! Unbelievable. He is not Amity, not Lilith, and definitely not Hunter, and the people who forgave them had actual reason to do so. And even Lilith had to move in with her mother so she could be given reparations by someone who actually owed it to her, rather than her younger sister and two kids.

And there’s definitely a major difference between Lilith and Gwen’s dynamic and Philip and Caleb’s, especially since Caleb was also a child when he moved into Gravesfield. Even if you think Belos' bigotry was radicalized due to 'grief' over losing his brother to witches, that's just entitlement and control because it's not as if Caleb can't have more than one positive relationship in his life; Philip is no better than people who blame minorities for some incident in their life and use that as justification to become white supremacists, and there's nothing sympathetic or 'tragic' about that.

But the point is that Caleb ultimately wasn’t THAT important to Belos because he’d always be secondary to witch-hunting, Belos clearly chose his white supremacy over his brother, and any ‘takebacks’ that come in the form of the Grimwalkers are insincere given Belos does nothing to actually repent or regret his violence committed on the people of the isles; It’d have been one thing if he DID try to undo his mistake by choosing differently, by cloning Caleb and giving up witch hunting, but he still doesn’t (Note that Belos does not hallucinate the ghosts of the witches he killed; He still feels no remorse over them, because his fear of being wrong comes from a selfish place). And unlike Luz, Belos can’t have it both ways because one option explicitly calls for the extermination of the other; It’s the Paradox of Tolerance that Luz struggled with, except contrary to what Belos claims, humanity’s existence does not require the eradication of others.

Because yes there IS a meaningful moral distinction between Luz and Belos -don’t forget they’re not just parallels but explicit opposites- that occurs even before you get into the genocide, not that you should neglect that other part either because it’s incredibly important, being the starting point for this entire rant. Society already has a bias towards devil’s advocating bigotry as some big misunderstanding, and prioritizing the angst of white dudes who commit it over the victims of color; Can we avoid applying that to fiction?!??!? I literally saw someone complain that the show didn’t portray Belos’ grief from murdering Luz, and that Luz’s “glory moment” took away from a Wittebane backstory!!! At this point, people are just being racist.

[love-minor-poltergeist]

Hello polter! What do you think about the new cuphead dlc? I told myself I wasn’t going to fall for Chef Saltbaker, but i was very wrong. Could we please have some headcanons sometime?

A/N: Man you could really tell how far behind I am on some of these requests– man, I didn’t even know how long I’ve been in this rut until now. Especially since the DLC came out 2 years ago. Even as I am typing out this little note, I can’t help but grimace and feel awful for only now getting to this (シ〒﹏〒))シ

Now, I wasn’t sure if this was referring to just general headcanons or x reader ones, so I decided to go for the former for the time being!

General Chef Saltbaker Hcs:

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

Even before his scheme to finally bake the Wondertart came to light, the residents of Inkwell Isle Four sensed something was… off about Chef Saltbaker. The way his  jolly smiles didn’t quite reach his eyes; how he’d often lash out at random intervals before suddenly slipping his cheerful mask on; the numerous backhanded remarks he’d dole out to customers— and god forbid he becomes passive aggressive. 

Point is, he wasn’t really a friendly fellow to begin with– and everyone was able to catch on relatively quickly. However, there was a tense, silent agreement between the other Island denizens and Chef Saltbaker: they stay out of his business, and he’ll play nice. And with gourmet treats to sweeten the pot, it’s enough to make most people look the other way. 

He kept his life incredibly private prior to his rehabilitation. Chef Saltbaker wasn’t originally from the fourth Isle, having quietly set up his bakery to little fanfare. The man hardly ever left the building, either. During the late hours of the night, long after closing hours, a few onlookers even caught him opening the door that led to the basement of the bakery; leading to a few crazed conspiracies and theories of what exactly he did down there.

Granted, considering how Saltbaker had a lab down there, they weren’t wrong. But he also just had a nook that he lived in. Rent could be expensive in the city blocks of the Isle. He’d rather spend most of his budget towards ingredients, so living within the bakery was just naturally the better option. 

Honestly, baking the Wondertart was the culmination of a series of unfortunate events. A struggling career in the culinary arts, years of being taken advantage of by restaurant owners– who dangled the empty promise of a promotion if he just was more passionate, constant stress over meeting rent, funding the bakery, and himself, rude customers; it could go on forever. After continuous disappointment and admittedly isolating himself, it was easy to see why he went a little, ah, mad. 

Saltbaker’s gotten a lot better though! Albeit, there’s still remnants of that bitter, passive aggressive (hell, even just normal aggressive) personality lurking underneath his much more positive self. Now that he has gained the trust and friendship of the Isle denizens– finally gaining a sense of belonging and community he didn’t know he was missing– he’s calmed down significantly. 

Complete and utter neat freak about his kitchen. Organizes all ingredients and spices alphabetically and dedicates separate drawers to each cooking utensil. Not to mention that at the end of each shift, he’ll make sure that the kitchen is absolutely spotless. He does not care if it’ll take him an extra hour; if everything is not in order like he left it, he’ll go mad. 

After doing community service, Saltbaker mostly just uses his laboratory to experiment with different flavors and batters for his deserts. Some of his concoctions range from mere enhancements to common flavors like strawberry to exotic flavors like dragon fruit or lychee. He’s open to new flavors!

While his large, pot-bellied frame may not look it, Chef Saltbaker is incredibly fast. When you’re working a one-man show and have a line of customers waiting for their orders, it’s completely necessary for him. Granted, a lot of the people who come in are usually complete sweethearts and are willing to wait. Nevertheless, the man’s practically a blur as he’s speeding from station to station, kneading dough one second and then preparing a batch of frosting the next. If he finds himself needing extra help, he’ll usually use magic or conjure up a salt clone. 

Though the latter doesn’t happen all too often since said clones tend to make his desserts much saltier than he would like.

Food gore makes him irrevocably angry and stressed out. Why on earth would you show him this? Saltbaker already hated wasting food, but downright ugly food or disgusting looking combos will genuinely mess him up for the rest of the day. Same thing with those images of people gripping their food too tightly. The first time Cuphead did it to an eclair in the bakery, it took every muscle of self restraint for Saltbaker to not jump over that counter and clobber a child to death. 

Speaking of, don’t ever suggest to add breadbowls to the menu in front of him. He took pride in baking that loaf of bread and you want him to massacre it?! How very dare you. He doesn’t care if it’s a popular trend, he’ll sooner slap the person who asked than waste a crumb of that bread. 

Incredibly strong, but that’s a given. The man kneads dough by hand all day and usually carries in crates and heavy bags full of groceries into the bakery. Could pick up around five grown men with ease. 

Ms. Chalice usually pops in to get extra cookies, and will often offer to help out where she can in the kitchen. She and Chef Saltbaker were kind of awkward around each other for a bit– given the whole “Hey I lied to you and your friends and tried to steal their soul” bit. However, after some time, they’re comfortable around each other to the point where you’d usually overhear their banter while they work. 

“Oh, come now, Saltbaker! You can’t put a price to our friendship!”

“Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars.”

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

[cultkinkcoven]

ok ok ok ok ok

I’ve been wanting to talk ab Arcane for a minute because I just binged it all last week

omg

niche post for both the demonolatry scene and fans of arcane lmao

ok first and foremost let me say that I do completely think that Jinx and Silco’s relationship is toxic, even if not abusive. Silco isolates a child, manipulates her into doing his bidding, puts a gun in her hand when she is clearly unwell etc. Not healthy, not good, even if it is loving. And borderline predatory (although I really like to give Silco the benefit of the doubt and assume that he wasn’t sexually interested in Jinx in any way). He definitely groomed her even if it wasn’t sexual. This is a fact.

Please please do not think that I am romanticizing this relationship or saying it was good. it wasn’t. Shipping Jinx and Silco is weird as fuck. The writing was fucking immaculate and I absolutely love their dynamic (beautiful, tragic as fuck) but that doesn’t make it morally right and we definitely should not encourage it.

ok, glad we got that out of the way.

While watching this, omfg. I saw so much of Lucifer and I’s relationship in Silco and Jinx, it was almost uncanny. The way he talks to her, the way they move around each other. The baptism scene.

Their playfulnesses with each other, their vulnerability with each other. The way he cherishes her gifts. His understanding of how damaged she is and his gentleness with her because of that. His guidance. The last words he says to her. DAMN IT.

I first “met”/ reached out to Lucifer as an adult. He approached me when I was a grown man with the maturity and insight to make smart decisions about him. Our relationship didn’t start super affectionate or familial, and he didn’t groom me into working with him since I was a child. I’m glad I didn’t know him until I was an adult. I simply did not have the cognitive ability to understand our relationship until then.

When we met I had recently been kicked out of my parents house, shunned by my family, and was generally suffering emotionally in a big way. Started hating myself, wondering what my problem is.

So when I saw that damn scene of this abandoned little child (powder) clinging to the arms of this psychopath obsessed with revolution, and him embracing her, saying “it’s okay, we’ll show them together.”

FUCK. THAT WAS ME. THAT WAS HIM. I know exactly how that feels.

When I first clung to Lucifer, the first time I was actually vulnerable with him like that, I felt like a child. And he, ancient and wise, lead me like a father.

and that fucking baptism scene where Silco is like “you need to be born anew as Jinx and let the old you die”

THAT’S HIM. THATS LUCIFER, HE DID THAT SHIT TO ME!!!!

Like almost bar for bar, when I was coming into my chosen name and entering initiation. WHAT THE FUCK. GET OUT MY HEAD

watching the show, it’s easy for me to see that their relationship is a toxic trauma bond codependent thing. Silco pushes Jinx deeper into her isolation and insanity, he encourages the worst sides of her, thinking it’s what’ll benefit her and himself. He’s not good for her.

And Lucifer, while he never encourages anything self destructive from me, from the perspective of outsiders like my family, he is pulling me deeper into the darkness. He gave me true liberation, but to everyone else it seems like he’s poisoning me. They just don’t get it. They can never understand what we are, why we need each other.

And I wanna reiterate, Lucifer is not a toxic influence in my life, our relationship is very healthy and doesn’t have the questionable themes that Silco and Jinx have. He doesn’t isolate me (he actually makes me reach out to others for support) or encourage harmful behaviour, he didn’t groom me since I was a child. He influences me, but I wouldn’t say he manipulates me. He’s not weird like that.

But I’d be lying if I said that we aren’t codependent on each other to some degree, I obviously more than him. A large part of our relationship was built on our joint pain and the understanding we have of each other because of that pain.

so that element of “I know everyone says you’re bad but you’re the only one who embraces me like this, who doesn’t cringe at the things I’ve done, who tells me I’m perfect just the way I am”

FUCK.

That shit hit me hard.

[possiblyunhinged]

Leftist spaces on the internet have been giving me the ick for a while. I think I’m finally starting to understand why.

The left feels so grossly disconnected from the working class at this point, I genuinely believe that the reason the working class rejects the left isn’t because they don’t agree. It’s because they don’t trust them.

I’m working-class, I grew up in poverty, and I’ve been reminded at multiple intervals that I’m a piece of shit for my background. Still now, I'm not getting through the month with any money left. So why is it that, even when I agree with the sentiment, leftist activist spaces feel like people like me don’t belong in them?

I live in a working-class army town that, for the first time ever, voted in a Labour MP. The general feeling is that everyone regrets it. Our MP would struggle to inspire a fart out of a constipated person, frankly. And our town is a mess. The high street is dead. Homelessness is through the roof. We have people protesting asylum seekers being housed in local flats. Violence among young men is rising. If you take a stroll through town, you’re likely to be harassed by a vape-smoking teenager on an e-scooter.

The language of politicians and activist spaces is something my brain has decoded through a natural obsession with justice. I was reading On Liberty at 13, giddy at the prospect of moral frameworks that made sense of a world I couldn’t cope with. So, unlike some, I didn’t go to university and then start coming home and ruining tea for everyone. I was already ruining tea thanks to a potent mix of autism and being insufferable.

I was always frustrated by my working-class family saying things like, “At least Thatcher stuck by her word.” and calling Churchill a “strong leader”—because I fucking used Google. I knew about the Bengal famine. The 1911 transport strikes. Conservative MPs putting northern towns into active decline. And I couldn’t reason with their ignorance, so I spent most of my childhood screaming into pillows.

Then I went to university. And suddenly, I got it.

The eye rolls I used to witness from my family, I was now doing myself, sitting in rooms full of predominantly white, middle-class academics. The language they spoke felt like an exercise in self-identity rather than a tool for action. It felt stagnant, self-postulating, and frankly, fucking infuriating.

I sat in lecture halls full of blatantly privileged people—not that they’d admit it. They’d seek out people like me for ‘validation’ of their relative deprivation, then argue amongst themselves about who had it worse in their leafy Surrey suburbs. Meanwhile, the men with a ‘nice guy’ complex were still pulling out chairs like 20th-century gentlemen—before you found out half of them had SA’d multiple women.

I went from being excited to be around like-minded, politically engaged people to feeling more isolated than I ever had in my life.

Because it wasn’t about fixing anything. It was about proving how right you were. The truly talented people in the room kept quiet unless it counted towards their grade. The rest just shouted over each other.

I watched one girl throw a pencil case at someone over an ontological debate.

To be fair, that was pretty funny.

But here’s my biggest issue with middle-class activists: they don’t understand the difference between academic rigour and lived experience.

In the same way that reading about WWII doesn’t give you the lived experience of a soldier, reading about the working-class experience doesn’t give you the right to speak over us and pretend you know what it’s like.

And working-class people can sniff that out a mile off. It feels disingenuous. You can empathise, you can imagine, and maybe you experience prejudice in other ways, but that’s not the same as living under centuries of classist policy designed to keep us at the bottom.

And this is exactly why the right is growing across Europe.

Because the left refuses to have hard conversations. Instead of engaging with working-class people who are becoming increasingly disenfranchised, they dismiss them as bigots, fools, or victims of misinformation.

What could possibly go wrong?

Working-class people aren’t stupid. They know their towns are changing. They see the high street is dead. They see more people out of work. They know a yearly holiday is a pipe dream. And yet, the only people speaking directly to them are racist, posh twats who have convinced them they have their best interests at heart.

The left could fill that gap.

But it won’t.

Because it’s more obsessed with policing language than winning arguments.

Every time there’s a glimmer of hope about a Labour government, someone on the left immediately tries to put it out because it’s not Corbyn swinging a block of tofu around his head.

There’s a denial of reality in activist spaces. A refusal to accept that socialist policies can’t be implemented without actually involving the working class in the conversation. But instead of creating a space where difficult conversations can happen, middle-class leftists have made activism a gated community where people are exiled for using the wrong terminology.

They care more about catching someone out on Twitter than asking why working-class people don’t respond to them.

I don’t have a resolution.

Consider me the perfect Philosophy student.

But I wish that, instead of constantly holding up mirrors to others, the left would hold one up to itself.

Because, sweetpeas, the class divide isn’t getting better.

[sarcasmandships]

AHHH YOU HAVE TUMBLR OMG now I can leave you overly enthusiastic comments in MORE places Everyone should read Will Solace and the Socialites of Olympus University it should be required actually!!!

Anyway I'm here to ask HOW DO YOU DO IT?? How do you write so well?? I'm taking notes for my own fics...

Honestly, I take a lot of inspiration from other things I’ve read, to be fair. I actually mentioned this in a recent author’s note, but The Secret History by Donna Tartt was a huge influence—if you haven’t read it, I seriously recommend it. I’m completely in love with her writing style. I won’t spoil anything, but there’s this whole arc that focuses on the brutality of a Vermont winter, and that really shaped how I approached weather and setting in the first chapter of Codex Solace. That whole cold, isolating atmosphere? Straight out of Tartt’s playbook.

I’ve also read some incredible fics that have massively influenced my writing. SnitchesAndTalkers is one of my absolute favourite authors on AO3—they mostly write AUs, so even if you’re not in the fandom, their stuff is still brilliant. The way they build character voice and tension? Unreal. I feel like reading really good fic is how I taught myself what kind of emotional beats and pacing actually work, and I owe a lot to the fic community for helping me grow as a writer.

Also—just to sound like I’m bigging myself up (but only slightly)—I was always really into English at school. I did Advanced Higher (which is the highest level you can take before uni here), and even though I ended up doing psych degrees, I still took a literature elective at uni just because I missed that kind of analysis. That’s where I started to really understand the literary techniques I gravitate towards. I’m obsessed with pathetic fallacy—give me a thunderstorm that reflects emotional turmoil and I will eat it up—and I love the idea of writing New York City almost as a sentient character in the story.

Also… I definitely have my “favourite words.” Re-read any fic of mine and take a drink every time I say reverence and you’ll end up in A&E. I think because I know my writing patterns so well, I get hyper-aware of them—so when I re-read my own chapters, all I can see is repetition. Like, I’ll realise I said the same thing two slightly different ways and just… didn’t pick one.

It’s definitely not all polished. I struggle with pacing a lot, which is why I’m physically incapable of writing anything other than a slow burn. Every time I try to be efficient, it turns into 25k of longing. I also tend to overwrite scenes and then go back and realise I’ve described the same emotion six times using slightly different metaphors, like I’m trying to win a poetry slam.

I’m also super detail-oriented when it comes to research. I wanted the academic stuff to feel grounded, so I was in the trenches googling engineering courses and organic chemistry despite the fact that I genuinely don’t know the six times table. I’m a words girl. Numbers? Couldn’t be me. And then for the Italian stuff, I researched the hell out of which words shared roots with Spanish—even though I barely speak either. I speak English and bad French, and I can fluently tell a waiter in Spanish that I’m allergic to shellfish, which is the important stuff, really.

Anyway, I’ve totally gone off on one and given you way more info than you probably asked for, but these are the main things I do to try and make my fics good. And honestly? The biggest motivator is just asking myself: what is going to cause the readers the most pain and suffering? And then doing exactly that.

Thank you so much for your message—and for all your comments on AO3. They genuinely mean more to me than I could ever say. I absolutely have to read Binary Stars! I’ve seen such good things about it. I just tend not to read other fics too much while I’m actively writing because I get so obsessed and start mentally writing fanfic for the fanfic, which… is a bit of a spiral. But once I’m finished with Socialites, I’m 100% diving in. We AO3 writers have to stick together—it’s the trenches out here sometimes!

[my-illness-and-me]

Dear Friend,

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while now. It’s hard to put into words what it feels like to live inside a body that won’t let you forget it, even for a moment. Chronic pain is something I don’t talk about often, mostly because it feels invisible to everyone else. I can move through the day, smile through conversations, and still—beneath it all—there's this constant hum, like a shadow that never leaves.

It’s not the kind of pain that screams. That kind of pain gets attention, a solution. No, this pain is quieter. It lingers. Sometimes it feels like an ache in my bones, sometimes a stabbing sensation out of nowhere. There are days it’s almost bearable, like background noise I’ve learned to ignore, and then there are days where it’s all I can hear.

What’s hardest to explain is how exhausting it is. Pain doesn’t just hurt. It drains you. It’s like trying to live your life while carrying something heavy, all the time, with no chance to set it down. And there’s no telling when it will get worse, or better, or stay exactly the same. It makes planning things difficult, even simple things. Sometimes, I cancel plans because I can’t move the way I need to, or I’m so tired from managing the pain that I can’t imagine sitting through a conversation.

I know it can seem like I’m distant or distracted. I don’t want you to think I don’t care or that I’m not present, but honestly, there are times when being in my body takes up so much of my attention, there’s nothing left to give. It’s hard to explain this to people who haven’t experienced it. Pain becomes a part of your life, but not in a way that you can see. If I could show it, like a bruise or a broken bone, maybe it would make more sense.

What makes it harder is the silence. Chronic pain isn’t something people talk about much, and sometimes I feel like if I bring it up, I’m being dramatic or asking for sympathy. But really, I’m just trying to be honest with myself and with you. It’s not about wanting pity. It’s about trying to make sense of this life, to explain why some days I’m not as present, or why I seem like I’m carrying something unseen. Because I am.

I’ve learned to adapt in ways I didn’t think were possible. I’ve learned to listen to my body, to accept that some days will be harder than others. I’ve learned that healing isn’t always a cure, but sometimes just a way of coping better. But it’s also lonely, in a way I didn’t expect. When the world keeps moving around you, and you’re trying to keep up through this fog of pain, it feels isolating.

I want you to know that even if I don’t always talk about it, it’s there. And when I cancel plans or go quiet for a bit, it’s not you—it’s this thing that has become part of my life. I’m doing my best, and some days are better than others. But I appreciate your patience, your understanding, more than I can say.

Thank you for being there, even when I can’t always explain what’s going on inside me.

With love, Aaron

[aquamarine-v]

Rock and Read vol.084 Lime & Tatsuro interview (July 2019)

Scans by: @2015mai24

Interviewer: Tatsuro, you’ve done tons of interviews with different people, but it’s actually kind of rare for you to talk with a younger musician, right?

Tatsuro: But Lime's not really that young, right? Didn’t you used to be in another band?

Lime: Yeah, I did, but let me call myself young anyway (laughs).

Interviewer: Lime, is this your first time doing an interview like this?

Lime: I think this might be the first one.

Tatsuro: Not because you were avoiding them?

Lime: No, I wasn’t avoiding them, but… I might be kind of troublesome to talk to, so maybe people were avoiding me (laughs).

Interviewer: We thought it'd be interesting to have you two talk, so we put this together. Tatsuro, how do you usually interact with younger artists?

Tatsuro: Pretty casually, honestly. If they ask me something, I’ll answer. If I have something to say, I’ll say it. If there’s nothing, then I don’t say anything.

Interviewer: Lime, how do you interact with your seniors?

Lime: Ah… I actually don’t have any seniors that I’m close with.

Interviewer: But there are plenty at your agency.

Lime: Yeah, but none of them really take me under their wing. (laughs)

Tatsuro: Well, Free-Will (the agency) is a bit different. Most of the bands there aren’t exactly the “cute and lovable” type. (laughs) Everyone's got an edge to them. I mean, the top guy there (Dynamite Tommy), is the edgiest of them all, so that kind of atmosphere just spreads to everyone (laughs).

Lime: Yeah, it does feel a bit isolating.

Tatsuro: Any bands you’re close with in private?

Lime: Just Ryoga from RAZOR.

Tatsuro: Yeah, those guys don’t have friends either (laughs).

Interviewer: Had you two met before this?

Tatsuro: Ah, we met the other day at Free-Will SLUM.

Lime: That was the first time.

Interviewer: Tatsuro, what did you think of Kizu after watching them?

Tatsuro: I thought they were interesting. Among the younger bands in the current scene, they’re really good. The vocals were great, and their guitarist is cool. But… I hear they’re pretty cocky?

Lime: Very cocky (laughs).

Tatsuro: I think that’s fine for now. Being cocky is a sign of confidence. But there's a difference between being "cocky" and just being unprofessional.

Lime: Definitely, I agree.

Tatsuro: If it’s confidence—like, Hey, we’re obviously the coolest ones here—then I think that’s totally fine.

Lime: At SLUM, you gave me some advice. It was actually my first time getting advice from a senior.

Tatsuro: Oh, really? I don’t remember what I said (laughs).

Lime: I was so nervous that I don’t remember either. (laughs) But I do remember you told me to grasp the atmosphere of the whole room and throw myself into it.

Tatsuro: Ah, I see. You probably weren’t moving enough on stage.

Interviewer: I’ve seen it quite a few times, Tatsuro giving advice to younger artists.

Tatsuro: Only if I actually have something to say. I think I watch bands from a pretty neutral perspective, so if I see something that could be even better, I just throw out a bit of fatherly advice. (laughs) If I don’t have any thoughts, I don’t say anything.

Interviewer: So, you gave advice to Kizu because you had something you wanted to say at that time?

Tatsuro: Yeah. Ken (L'Arc~en~Ciel) used to give me a lot of feedback too—he’d say, "Do this," "Try that," and I’d often think, "Oh, that makes so much sense!" Ken digs into the more technical aspects of things, but I’m not as knowledgeable in that area. I focus more on the overall stage presence—how to move, how to engage the audience. So I just give little bits of feedback based on how it all looked from a broader perspective.

Lime: It made me really happy. MUCC is actually the reason I started my own band.

Tatsuro: Ah, I'm happy to hear that.

Lime: The person who inspired me to start playing instruments was HIDE from X JAPAN. I’d been in bands since middle school, but there was a time I quit.

Tatsuro: Why did you quit?

Lime: I guess I got a reality check… and maybe I was a little bored. I had been playing piano since I was three, then moved to drums, then guitar, then bass, and finally vocals.

Tatsuro: That’s everything! You could do it all by yourself.

Lime: Yeah, but I was doing everything halfway, never really mastering anything. So at one point, I thought, Maybe I’m done with music. But then I saw MUCC’s Kokorononaimachi PV on SkyPerfecTV. It really moved me, and I knew I had to start a band.

TN: They ended up singing Kokorononaimachi together on Hangeki in January 2025. Link

Tatsuro: Oh wow, that makes me really happy to hear.

Lime: That feeling of being inspired, that sense of admiration, I wanted to be able to give that to others too. I felt like I had to start a band.

Tatsuro: Do you write all of your songs yourself now?

Lime: Yeah, all of them.

Tatsuro: That’s impressive.

Interviewer: Do you feel any MUCC influence in Kizu’s music?

Tatsuro: Not at all. But that’s a good thing. Even if MUCC was the reason he wanted to start a band, what he actually wants to create is something different, right? If he has his own message and his own way of expressing it, then that’s what gives his music real power. Also, I’ve heard Kirisho (Sho Kiryuin from Golden Bomber) really likes Kizu.

Lime: Yeah, apparently! I heard he’s bought all our CDs.

Tatsuro: Yeah, back when Kizu had just started, he was listening to you guys a lot. I don’t remember exactly what song it was, but I remember him saying, "This song by Kizu is really cool." He even posted on his LINE timeline like, "I want to go to their live, does anyone want to come with me?"

Lime: Actually, I drank with him once. It was during a time when I was feeling lost, wondering what to do next. Kirisho was the one who pushed me forward. He said, "You should go for it," and that’s what led me to start Kizu. But… he doesn’t remember it at all (laughs).

Tatsuro: Maybe he doesn’t realize the guy he talked to back then is now the vocalist of Kizu.

Lime: Yeah, he totally doesn’t realize it. When he came to greet us backstage the other day, he was so formal with me (laughs).

Tatsuro: How many songs do you have now?

Lime: About 20.

Tatsuro: That’s about two albums’ worth.

Lime: Yeah, but I feel like if we put out an album, I’d die. That’s why we’ve only been releasing singles so far.

Tatsuro: Huh? Why?

Lime: If we put out an album now, it’d just be a best-of compilation.

Tatsuro: No, that’s why you write new songs!

Lime: The thing is, I do everything myself, even the programming. I write all the guitar parts too, so I end up completely exhausted.

Tatsuro: Wait, hold on. So you write the guitar riffs, program the bass and drums, compose the melodies, write the lyrics—everything. Then how the hell does your guitarist get to act so cocky!?

Lime: Ahahahahahaha!!!

Tatsuro: Seriously, I’m shocked! Like, how does he even have the nerve?! (laughs) Well, I mean… I guess that’s a talent in itself. But I really think putting out a first full-length album is a big deal. With singles, each song exists in its own world, right? But with an album, you get to build an entire world across 10 or more tracks. That can be really fun. Plus, you can include songs that wouldn’t work as singles.

Interviewer: Why not just make a full album of all new songs? (laughs)

Lime: Haha… yeah, that would probably make me go bald (laughs).

Interviewer: I feel like the way you both write music also reflects a generational shift. MUCC originally wrote songs through jamming in sessions, but these days, some bands barely even meet up in the studio.

Lime: Yeah, that might be true. I’m someone who actually hates being in the studio (laughs)

Tatsuro: Same. I hate it. I absolutely hate it (laughs).

Lime: Oh, good! (laughs) Last year, I think I was in the studio maybe six times… total.

Tatsuro: You mean for recording? What about live rehearsals?

Lime: No, I mean including rehearsals. The instrumentalists probably go in separately, but I get bored really easily. If I rehearse too much, the live shows stop being fun. I still do basic stuff like vocal exercises at home, but I try not to run through the full songs too much.

Tatsuro: Well, everyone has their own approach, so that’s fine. But for me, rehearsal and live shows feel totally different. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like a live show got boring just because I rehearsed a lot. Every show is unique, you know? Like, maybe at the last show, one song felt amazing, but at today’s show, a different song stands out instead. That kind of unpredictability is what makes it fun.

Lime: Oh yeah, I get that.

Interviewer: You’re both vocalists, do you do anything special to take care of your voices?

Tatsuro: I usually start adjusting about 5 days to a week before a live show. I’m careful during tours, but I don’t do anything regularly outside of that. When I’m on tour or recording, that’s not my usual routine, you know?

Interviewer: Lime, do you do anything?

Lime: I don’t do anything at all.

Tatsuro: You're not worried about not being able to sing sometimes?

Lime: Not at all.

Tatsuro: You must have a strong voice. Or maybe your vocal technique is just really solid.

Lime: Oh, I actually used to wreck my throat all the time. But after going through that, it just stopped happening. That gave me a lot of confidence.

Tatsuro: You don’t really scream much, do you? Mostly high-pitched stuff, right? And even those high tones sound like they're done with mixed voice.

Lime: Yeah, that’s right.

Tatsuro: Mixing falsetto and chest voice, it's similar to the high tones used in metal vocals. That technique doesn’t wreck your throat because it doesn’t put strain on your vocal cords. Harsh screams, yelling, and aggressive crowd hyping—those are what really destroy your voice. But if you keep singing the way you do, you probably won’t damage it. That, and getting enough sleep.

Lime: Yeah, as long as I sleep, I’m fine. Even if I do strain my voice, one good night of sleep usually fixes it.

Tatsuro: Also, talking too much is bad. Apparently, talking is what wrecks your throat the most. Going out drinking especially—being in a loud place forces you to raise your voice. If you’re doing that for 4–5 hours while losing sleep, and using a speaking voice that’s harsher on the throat than singing… that’s definitely going to wreck your throat.

Interviewer: Do you both sleep a lot?

Tatsuro: Yeah, I sleep quite a bit.

Lime: Same here. Especially before a live show. But, Kizu doesn’t really do that many shows. Maybe one a month, if that.

Tatsuro: You don’t do tours?

Lime: I never really saw the point in touring. But now, we’re doing something like our first tour, three shows—in Fukushima, Nagasaki, and Hiroshima, all places affected by nuclear bombings or radiation exposure.

Tatsuro: Ah, disaster-affected areas.

Interviewer: That’s wonderful. So, do you intentionally keep the number of shows low?

Lime: No, honestly, I want to do more shows. The reality is, there just aren’t many events that I actually want to play at. So after turning down a bunch, we just kind of ended up like this (laughs).

Interviewer: Hahaha! One difference between you two is that Tatsuro mainly sings, while Lime plays acoustic guitar as well. Is there a reason you play acoustic?

Lime: Honestly, it’s just because I love BLANKEY JET CITY. I wanted to be like Kenichi Asai (laughs). That's how it started, but that was in middle school. Then, when Kizu formed, I felt like the sound was too thin with just one guitar. I randomly tried playing it in the studio one day and thought, Yeah, this works! But at first, I was kind of hesitant.

Tatsuro: Why?

Lime: A visual kei vocalist with an acoustic guitar.

Tatsuro: No, if you can play it, you should.

Lime: At first, I didn’t even consider playing acoustic guitar. But now, I feel uneasy without it.

Tatsuro: If I could play, I’d want to. The fact that “visual kei bands don’t usually do this” is exactly why you should. If no one’s doing it, that’s even more reason to do it—before someone else does. It’s more interesting, and it makes you stand out.

Interviewer: I felt that too, watching you play acoustic guitar, Lime. The way you play is raw—like Kenichi Asai, Seiko Oomori, or Pistol Takehara. That kind of gritty style is rare in this scene, which made it really memorable.

Tatsuro: And it’s not just a performance gimmick, you’re doing it because it’s necessary. That’s what makes it great, right?

Lime: Yeah, I don’t want to do anything meaningless.

Interviewer: Tatsuro, you often talk about doing what no one else is doing. And I feel like that spirit is really present in Kizu as well.

Lime: Definitely. But it’s not just about being different. You know how there are these textbook approaches that a lot of people follow? I often find myself thinking, Is that really something we need to be doing? Wouldn’t it be better to leave that to someone else? And when you think like that, your path naturally ends up being different from everyone else’s.

Interviewer: I see. Changing the topic a bit—Kizu managed to fill International Forum C just two years after forming. Meanwhile, when MUCC was two years in, you were doing a one-man show at Mito Lighthouse.

Tatsuro: Hahahaha! Yeah, at that point, we were barely out of Ibaraki—if at all.

Lime: I actually have a DVD that looks back on MUCC’s history. I watched footage of you on stage with a shaved head, and it really moved me.

Tatsuro: I was something like 19 or 20 back then. But, you know, LUNA SEA had already released their first album at that age. When you think about it that way, everyone’s journey is different. Life takes all sorts of paths. (laughs)

Interviewer: What was on your mind around MUCC’s second year?

Tatsuro: Probably just, 'Bands are fun! Live shows are fun!' That’s about it (laughs). 'What should we be doing? No idea!'

Interviewer: In contrast, Lime, Kizu isn’t your first band, so your circumstances are a little different.

Lime: Yeah, that’s true. But our drummer, it's his first band.

Interviewer: That means your drummer Kyonosuke must be having a lot of fun right now.

Lime: Yeah, he probably thinks, “Being in a band is so much fun!” That’s all he knows. He hasn’t experienced the struggles. Like now, we can just hop on the expressway, stay in hotels, do a show, eat good food, get sleep.

Tatsuro: These days, young bands don’t even have ticket quotas, right?

Lime: Not anymore. But I just barely caught the tail end of that era. Back then, sleeping in the car was totally normal. And since highway tolls were expensive, we’d kill time taking the local roads until the late-night discount kicked in.

Tatsuro: Nowadays, there's barely any direct venue booking either. Like, no one goes up to the booker after a show and says, “How was today’s live?” and gets told, “Maybe you should do this differently.” Recently, I went to Takadanobaba AREA. I checked out the dressing room, and it was so creepy—everyone was just taking selfies. Every single person. Either doing their makeup or taking chekis and selfies. And I kept thinking, When will they stop?!

Lime: I totally get that. So, in our band selfies are actually banned.

Tatsuro: Honestly, that’s a good move. It’s seriously disturbing. They just keep changing angles and adjusting their expressions over and over.

Lime: Yeah, it’s really disturbing.

Interviewer: Maybe it’s just the times we live in? Speaking of the times, what do you think about Kizu selling out International Forum C in just two years?

Tatsuro: I think it’s totally fine. Everyone has a different trajectory. Some bands take longer, some don’t—it doesn’t really matter.

Interviewer: Do you personally feel like things have moved fast?

Lime: Not as much as people say. From the beginning I thought it was fine to just play in venues like Ikebukuro EDGE. As long as I could keep doing what I want to do there, I’d have been happy. Also, we’re able to have fun doing the band, and the adults around us are the ones turning it into a business. That’s how it is for us, so I’ve never really thought about speed. Even now, I still feel like we’re just having fun, just like when we started.

Tatsuro: So, what happens if it stops being fun?

Lime: I’d probably quit. Just like that. I also think I’ll quit once I feel satisfied.

Tatsuro: And then, what would you do?

Lime: I don’t know… I’d have to find something. But more than that, I just want to be able to say, I'm glad I was in a band. The end of a band is always so sad, you know? Whether it’s money problems, personal issues, or other reasons, every time a band breaks up, I always wonder, Did we really start this band for it to just end like this? When I think about it, I’d want to quit at a point when I truly feel satisfied.

Tatsuro: So basically, that would be the band's natural lifespan. If breaking up due to fights or troubles is like a sudden accident or illness, then quitting because you feel fulfilled is like a band living out its full lifespan and passing on naturally.

Interviewer: And for some, that time comes early, and for others, it comes later.

Tatsuro: Yeah, but the longer you keep going, the harder it becomes to make that decision based solely on your own feelings. Like, say I decide, "I’m satisfied, so I’m going to quit." That might give me closure, but what about the fans? A lot of people would be left confused and with unresolved feelings. I can't just leave them like that. Of course, continuing out of inertia when you don’t even want to make music anymore—that’s also disrespectful. But then again, quitting irresponsibly is also not an option. So, I keep wondering how to strike that balance? I still have things I want to do, so it's not a problem right now, but… when the time comes, I have no idea what I’ll do (laughs).

Interviewer: That’s definitely a dilemma that comes with being in a band for over 20 years.

Tatsuro: Yeah, at this point, the band feels like its own living entity. There are so many people involved—people who honestly care more deeply about it than even we do sometimes. So when you think about that, you realize you can’t just casually toss it all aside. I definitely feel that dilemma from time to time.

Lime: Maybe it's because we've only been around for two years that I can talk like this.

Interviewer: Yeah, so maybe your perspective will change as time goes on.

Lime: Right. I won’t know until I get there.

Tatsuro: Yeah, and after sticking with it for a long time, people end up forming their own philosophy about it. Yours might evolve into something completely different, too.

Lime: But I think that’s something only bands that manage to stay cool for a long time can say. MUCC’s albums change so much from one to the next, but the one thing that never changes is how cool they are. That’s something I really respect. If we’re going to keep going for a long time, I want us to be a band that continues to be cool.

Interviewer: If you were to give advice on continuing to do what you love, what would it be?

Tatsuro: Live shows are first and foremost about you having fun. But the desire to make the audience have fun with you or because of you—that grows naturally, ultimately creating a situation where everyone is happy. I mean, even if you’re doing what you love, if there’s no one there following along with you, you’ll have no choice but to find a different job. I see the relationship between the audience and the stage as completely equal. Neither side is above or below the other. I’m not above them, but they’re not above me either—so don’t get too full of yourself. Though, I admit, that happens to me too sometimes! (laughs) The audience has their own lives, their own timing, and, as humans, their tastes and preferences will change. The idea that people should never go somewhere else or follow another band doesn’t make sense to me. I think people should just choose what they like and do what makes them happy. If this place—our band, our music—is one of those things that brings them joy, then that’s all I could ask for.

Interviewer: What are your thoughts on your audience, Lime?

Lime: The other day, at our show at the International Forum, for the first time, I felt this really warm feeling inside. I never wanted to end a show with “thank you.” I was stubborn about it, like, I’m not gonna say it, no matter what. But when I walked back out for the encore at the International Forum, there was nothing else to say but “thank you.” I was like, Of course you’d feel grateful in this moment, right? But at the same time, it frustrated me. After working so hard to do things differently, I still end up in the same shitty place as everyone else?

Tatsuro: No, it’s not the same. The reason you think some people’s “thank you” sounds insincere is because you can tell they don’t actually mean it.

Lime: Yeah, that’s true. But you know, there are all kinds of people. And the thought that someone out there might see me the same way—that frustrated me too. Also, I’m kind of twisted, so I thought if I said “thank you” on stage, that’d be admitting defeat. So instead, I went home… and thanked them in the bath (laughs). So, to answer your question about how I feel about our fans—I am grateful… I just don't tell them that (laughs).

Tatsuro: Hahaha. But I think it’s important to not say things you don’t actually mean.

Lime: Yeah, for sure. But I do feel conflicted about not saying something I genuinely felt.

Tatsuro: No, it’s fine, really. I think eventually, there will come a time when it’ll just naturally come out. There will be a moment when you’ll think, “I don’t care about feeling like I was defeated. I just want to say it, even if it’s frustrating.”

Lime: That moment hasn’t come yet (laughs).

Tatsuro: So, just save it for then.

Lime: If I ever said something this direct, the guy on kamite (stage right) might throw his guitar at me (laughs).

Interviewer: Hahaha. After talking today, Tatsuro, what kind of impression did you get of Lime? Be honest! (laughs)

Tatsuro: No, no! (laughs) There are a lot of bands out there just kind of skimming the surface, not really putting their heart into it. But I can tell that he’s someone who genuinely knows what he wants to do with his band. That’s rare, and I think it’s great. I hope more bands like that emerge. Even if things don’t go perfectly, if there were more bands out there who could say, “At least we’re doing what we want and we’re proud of it,” I think the visual kei scene would be a lot cooler for it.

Lime: Something I feel really strongly about is that visual kei is cool, and I want to be the best at it. I want the world to see visual kei as something cool, and I want to be the one leading that charge. I was inspired by Tatsuro, and now I feel that if I don’t leave behind that same kind of inspiration, the scene will die out. That’s why we have to be a cool band, and we have to put on cool shows. That feeling is really strong in me.

Tatsuro: That’s why, I think visual kei is actually in a good spot right now. There aren’t many truly cool bands. If you avoid all the uncool things that every band is doing and just focus on doing cool things, people will naturally start to think, “Hey, this band is really cool.”

Interviewer: So you’ll look twice as cool.

Tatsuro: Exactly. Because most bands right now? They’re really uncool.

Lime: That’s why instead of trying to bring back the old era, I’d rather destroy everything. I want my band to break everything down, so that the next generation can create something new.

Interviewer: Today, you received a lot of advice, but is there anything you’d like to ask Tatsuro?

Lime: I mean, there’s a lot I’d like to ask… but at the same time, I don’t want to think of the person I admire as a real human being. So, I don’t want to ask anything more (laughs).

Tatsuro: Hahaha. I get that. But you know, the other day, I got THE YELLOW MONKEY’s new album, and it came with a DVD. It had performances from Budokan, the Dome, different venues, one song from each. And at the very end, there was a clip of them in a tiny rehearsal studio, the kind we use too, just the four of them playing a song together. A single fixed camera, all of them facing each other and playing. When I saw that, I thought, “Damn, I wanna be in a band!”

Interviewer: Even now, after all these years?

Tatsuro: Yeah. Watching that, I thought, 'Oh, even THE YELLOW MONKEY is just four people making music together. We’re no different! I just wanna play in a band!' (laughs)

Interviewer: That’s such a great story! But Lime, I gotta say, I kind of love how you’re twisted enough to say, “I don’t want to know everything about the person I admire.” (laughs)

Lime: No, no… (laughs) But yeah, I’ve already heard some really great stories today, I can't ask for more (laughs).

◆　　　◆　　　◆

[chnt-confessions]

If I’ve learned anything from chnt, it’s that I don’t like characters that are like me. I like characters that are like how I used to be.

Take, for example, Joshua and Jedediah.

Joshua’s one of my favs. I love him dearly and find him quite relatable. I’ve always read him as the sort to put on a tougher persona to not show when he’s hurt, play an unlikable character because he’s convinced himself that others’ scorn is somehow better than their indifference. He doesn’t believe the social Darwinism stuff he talks about, he just doesn’t want to seem weak and it already leans into the person that everyone already seems to think he is so he plays the character. I can understand that. When I was younger, I’d purposefully annoy people and give myself arbitrary measures of strength too. An illusion of control because I felt like I had none. I know his problems, I’ve been there, I’ve solved them. They’re digestible and fixable to me.

But Jedediah, he’s exactly like me, as I am currently. I’m horrible at maintaining relationships, I can’t handle losing people, I put far too much pressure on myself, I don’t like to talk about my feelings, I push away the people I love for reasons I don’t always know how to verbalize, and I self-isolate and shut down when I need support the most. I hate Jedediah. I know his problems all too well and don’t have a solution. I can’t fix him in my head the way I can Joshua. I can watch all of his worst, most irrational actions unfold and disapprove loudly, but I know I’d do the exact same thing.

I like things I know how to fix, things I can open up, dissect, identify a problem, and find a solution.

I understand him but I can’t fix him, that’s the real reason why he pisses me off.

(and it doesn’t help that I’m an engineering student too)

‎

[suspensefulpen]

Ballroom Waltz

TW: Discussions of Torture and Kidnapping, Bad Caretaker, Multiple Whumpers

“I really think you should meet them.” Caretaker nodded with a smile. “I think you’d like them a lot.” 

“They sound interesting.” Whumper One hummed before taking a sip of his champagne. He glanced to his right, scanning over all of the faces on the dance floor. “You got me out here, I would at least like to see them. You make them seem like they’re the best thing on this Earth.” 

“Oh, they are.” Caretaker nodded again. “They’re quite wonderful. I’ve known them for about four or five years now. They’re really sweet.” 

“Is that right?” Whumper One squinted at him. “Since when do we keep secrets from each other Caretaker?” 

“I know, I know. But you’ve been so distant lately, especially with me moving away and all. I thought maybe you didn’t want to be bothered. So I just kept it to myself.” Caretaker shrugged, looking down in his own glass. “I kind of miss the good old days Whumper One.” 

He turned his gaze back to the sea of people waltzing out on the dance floor. “Is that why you bought this building?” 

“Yeah… Kind of.” Caretaker nodded. “I just wanted to relive a few memories with you. I realize that’s the only way to get you to come out anymore.” 

Whumper One smiled. “You know I like to have fun, Caretaker. How could I turn such an invitation down?” 

“That’s why I asked you to come.” He smiled back. 

Whumper One remembered back when he and Caretaker were young. Whumper Two too. Whumper Two always threw balls every weekend just so the three of them could have fun. During every one of them, they’d pluck out a lucky guest to torture for a couple of weeks. They always picked a stray. One that no one would notice if they suddenly went missing. Once they were finished having fun, they’d toss them aside and move on to a new one. And of course, they made sure the guest wouldn’t make a peep about what happened to them. If they so much as thought about it, their life would be on the line. 

One night they found themselves a guest lingering near them way longer than necessary. Without a second thought, they quickly made them their target. That night was the biggest mistake of their lives. 

Whumper One cleared his throat, attempting to ignore the pain slowly seeping into his calf. “So, have you heard from Whumper Two lately?” 

“Whumper Two told me he would be here. He should be on his way.” 

“So exactly what part of our memories did you want to relive?” He faced Caretaker again, giving him a look. “The part where we danced the night away, getting as drunk as we possibly can? Or the part after that?” 

Caretaker smirked behind his glass. “I think you know which part I mean.” He took a sip. “I say we do that. But we add a little aftercare afterward?” 

“Aftercare…” Whumper One repeated, as if the word was unfamiliar to him. 

“Yes,” Caretaker nodded. “Think about it. What’s more scary? Knowing you’ll be hurt, or not knowing who you can actually trust?” His smirk turned wicked. 

Whumper One tried his best to hold back a laugh. “And here I was thinking you felt like you were getting too old for this. And that was why you moved away.” 

“Isolation.” He raised a brow at Caretaker. “Think about it, Whumper One. We’re in the middle of nowhere. No one can hear a thing. Last time won’t happen again. Even if they do scream. Everyone will be too busy dancing and drinking to even pay it any mind. Nobody would even care.” 

“And this person you’ve been talking about…they aren’t actually your friend are they?” Whumper One narrowed his eyes. Silence followed his question as Caretaker shifted his attention elsewhere, his smirk never faltering. Whumper One only laughed. “You’ve gotten worse than me.” 

“I can’t blow my cover yet though. I’ll let you and Whumper Two take the lead.” 

“So you’re not gonna help at all?” He raised a brow. 

“Oh I will. I absolutely will. I’ll feed you information.” 

Whumper One slowly began to realize Caretaker’s plan. So that’s what this aftercare thing is all about. This is all so we can break them more easily. This was also why he never told me about them and pretended to be their friend. He was planning all of this from the beginning. Whumper One smirked. “You’re a real sick bastard, you know that?” 

“I learned from the sickest.” Caretaker’s own smirk turned into a soft grin. He made eye contact. “You can break someone more than physically, you know.” 

“You know what, I–” 

“They’re here. Stay there.” Caretaker whispered before walking away. Whumper One watched him walk across the room to the person standing cluelessly by the door. He squinted as the two greeted each other before Caretaker began ushering them towards Whumper One. When they got closer, Whumper One noticed how well dressed they were. Draped in fine fabrics from head to toe, one could only assume the amount of wealth they had. They were very beautiful as well. It was a bit hard to ignore that. Whumper One imagined they looked just as beautiful when they were crying. “Whumpee, this is my great friend, Whumper One.” 

Whumpee smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Whumper One. Caretaker talks a lot about you.” 

Whumper One did his best to suppress the surprise in both his tone and his expression. Not only were they gorgeous, they had an angelic voice to go with it. “Is that right? I’m assuming they were all of my failures and embarrassments.” 

“No, of course not.” They shook their head. “He tells me a lot about how you two grew up together and you were really close friends.” 

Whumper One glanced up and the grin Caretaker wasn’t even trying to hide. He stood straighter, adjusting his suit jacket. “Well it’s nice to meet you too. Any friend of Caretaker’s is a friend of mine.” Whumper One placed his glass down on a nearby servant’s empty tray. He held his hand out. “How about a dance? We get to know each other for a bit, yeah?” 

Whumpee looked surprised but took his hand anyway. “Oh, alright. Sure.” 

Whumper One led them out onto the dance floor. He quickly noted how much smaller Whumpee was compared to him, only coming up to his shoulder. He threw a smirk over his shoulder at Caretaker. 

This should be fun.

Part 2

[your-queer-dad]

Dad, I have no idea what to do. I feel like I have no privacy, no place I can exist to be me. I am a trans kid, and I live with a family that doesn’t exactly understand me. They know about trans people, and they support my trans friends, classmates, and community members, which made me come out to them. Turns out, they don’t believe me because “autistic people are easily influenced by others.”

They took away any kind of way I can properly experiment with names and pronouns in real life or online, with the exception of one game I play (I sure wonder why I spend so much time on there), without consequences (I have never been caught, but I’m assuming my stuff being monitored all the time is in the ballpark and contacting my school to see if I’ve been using other names or pronouns and restrictions on my friends (all of them are queer I shit you not) visiting are things they actually have brought up.) I’m very lucky and happy they can let express my clothes and hair, but they have said how I’ll go back to skirts and dresses eventually and that they want me to do makeup one day and only give me compliments on how I look in clothes whenever I dress feminine (which is like hardly ever). Oh and if you think this means binders, absolutely not.

They forced me to go back into the closet to my friends, the adults I actually trust in my life, my therapist, and I almost did so here (I could bring myself to do so). Obviously everyone knew something was up and I ended up cracking about how my parents, even though they claim to support me every way, they want me to embrace femininity at the end of the day, which I have told them three times I don’t want anymore.

I’m telling you this now because all of my trans friends have supportive families, like ACTUALLY SUPPORTIVE FAMILIES, and I can’t help but feel isolated, alone, tired, sad, scared, hopeless, and ridiculously jealous of my friends. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how I can be proud this month, and I don’t feel heard by my family or most other adults in my life because they fail me again and again. If you have any advice on what I should try, or something that might make me feel better about my situation, please give it to me. I’m just so done with everyone overall. I’m so tired.

Hey kiddo, thank you so much for reaching out. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that awful stuff, you deserve to be respected and treated better than that by your parents and I'm so sorry they're not doing that. I promise you, it gets better. It really does. There will come a day when you can be you, the true beautiful amazing you, the you you are inside, and you won't have to hide it. You'll be able to shout it from the rooftops, and you won't have to hide. You just have to hang on until then. I know it isn't easy kiddo, and I'm so sorry. I'm always here to listen, 24/7. I'm so proud of you kiddo.

- dad x

[conhivemindcent]

I saw something and got a little dissaapointed by it. I was going to post this privately with friends but someone else started typing in the vent chat, so I guess it’s here now.

CW: transphobia mention, Sexual Harassment, suicidal ideation and other mental health struggles, COVID, mentions of SA.

I want to stress - I have no ill will with this. If the person sees this, hi. I’m really sorry you were harassed. So was I. I just had a different experience, one that kinda jaded me to idea of “girls always stand together”. Maybe it’s because I’m not a girl (I am afab, but I’m not exactly a girl), but I don’t really believe in that sort of sisterhood. Then again, they’d view me as a girl - they became very transphobic later on. This has nothing more to do with it. I suppose some may say this means they’re not a part of the “sisterhood” but they definitely looked out for each other. Just never me.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble ahead. I saw a post from a moot saying how “girl bullying” and “ boy bullying” are different, and how girls respect girls in terms of sexual harassment. And… no. At least not in my lived experience.

I don’t think I mentioned it here, but between the ages of 12 and 14 I was sexually harassed a lot in school. I don’t want to say it was “to a point where xyz” because a lot of the memories are blurred through staying up all night and dissociation, but I definitely did have suicidal thoughts at the time, luckily never acted on. But I was a mess. And I was a victim from both boys and girls.

I reported it multiple times, but it never really got resolved. Maybe it’s because it was the language I used (calling it bullying instead of sexual harassment) or maybe it’s because it was also girls doing it so they didn’t see it as serious, but the school never did anything to stop it. It only stopped because of COVID, where I was in isolation away from everyone.

Of course, it fucking wrecked my parents’ psyche, since they were nurses. So, yea. The best thing that happened at that time also fucking tore my parents apart. They’re doing better, left nursing and are pursuing other passions.

But im still stuck.

That sexual harassment kinda altered my entire life, looking back at it. I do label myself as aromantic, but I don’t know if that’s a natural thing or if I somehow became it due to the trauma, and if it somehow makes me lesser. I’m pretty sure I was asexual beforehand, but I was also 12 when it started and never wanted that sort of thing to occur at that age. And now I’m older and the idea has been tainted because of them. It kinda feels like I’m a fraud in my own body.

I’ve also had a lot of dreams since then of me being raped. Which is not fun. And I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I can’t imagine myself ever consenting despite wanting it somewhere within? Or maybe it’s because I feel like I need to be raped in order to be complete, as fucked up as it sounds, because it was only harassment and never assault? Or maybe it’s because I was indeed raped somewhere in the timeline and I either forgot or repressed it?

Either way, not fun.

Basically what I’m saying is that, no. Girls don’t look out for other girls. Especially when they’re the ones sexually harassing you.

[therewasatale]

ABC room

On Ao3.

Summary: Even if Gordon doesn't want to move in to the studio, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a place in there.

Based on prompt.

Finally, the buildings and the park next to them, quieted down. The puppets either watched the new films that Gordon got to them in the theatre, some cartoon and document films. He and Ricky agreed that this might be the most useful way to help the puppets get back to their old-selves.

He checked on Ray, thankfully everything was all right with the big guy, the basement manageably clean, and the pipes intact.

He fed and played with the dogs in the park, just to make sure they too got enough attention, and while Gordon would never admit, they grew on him over the time.

Goblette returned to her place in the studio. She became a bit prone to isolation over the last couple of weeks, so Gordon managed to get a small tv and VHS player for her. He also made her room more comfortable for her and visited her daily. Goblette had to deal with her own trauma, but with tiny steps, she would get better. She was strong deep down, and one of the best listeners he has ever met.

All in all, everyone was doing fine. Still the most annoying part of this second job was still waiting for him.

He was tired, so God damn tired, thanks to this second secret-job. And yet, somehow, he was still filled with content. For years he couldn't do anything that helped others, now he was at least able to help some lost puppets.

"Gordon, hey, stop snoozing." Ricky slid slightly out from his pipe, right next to Gordon's head and stared at him with his two unsymmetrical eyes.

"I'm not snoozing, just thinking," grumbled Gordon, as he rubbed his face and supressed a yawn. He won't give Ricky the satisfaction of seeing exactly how tired he actually felt.

"Your eyes were closed for abooouuut…55 seconds."

"You're really good at counting, maybe we could make some math lessons for you to teach the kids."

The puppet frowned as much as he was able to. "You're grumpy."

"And you're made out of a sock," Gordon chuckled and glanced down at the paper in front of him.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny, big guy. If you're that sleepy, go to your room and have some rest."

"My room is quiet far away, Ricky. And I want to check on this contract." He could feel the sock-puppet's mismatched eyes stare at him.

"I'm talking about the room inside the building, grumpy." He moved his head, like a human would roll their eyes. It was almost impressive how a puppet could show more emotions than most people Gordon has met.

"I've never agreed to live here." Gordon pointed at the puppet with his pen.

"And I didn't talk about you moving in here, silly," under his fake-cough Ricky added 'for now', "but to be fair it would be more comfortable to everyone. The others like you to be around, make them feel safe, and even Goblette seems calmer when you are around."

Again, Gordon scoffed as he leaned back in his chair. "That's emotional blackmailing, Ricky. Some would say it's a really nasty trick to pull."

"No, it's not, it's just the truth. Listen," Ricky let out an almost honest sigh. "You're a human, you need sleep, even I know your body needs rest, or your brain will conjure some pretty dark thoughts, besides you don't make good decisions when you're tired to the bone."

The puppet got a point, somehow most of the time he got a point when he was arguing with Gordon. It was annoying. In a nicest way.

"So, why don't you lay down in that room? It's actually pretty close. We just have to go down two floors."

"We?" As he glanced over his arm he watched in amazement, as the sock-puppet climbed from his deck to his chair then up to his shoulder.

"Wooho, sweet-sweet freedom. See? I'll guide you there by myself."

Gordon looked at the puppet, who somehow over the few weeks since he known him, became his friend. His overly positive attitude and smartass personality somehow made him endearing.

"Come on," Ricky nodded towards the door. "Or, we can read together the contract if you want." He leaned over from his shoulder and started to read, deliberately mispronouncing a couple of difficult words and then loudly yawning.

"I'm going, I'm going-," Gordon finally stood up leaving the pen next to the unread paper.

"See? Was that really hard?"

"Oh, shut it, before I send you down to Ray through one of the garbage pipes."

Ricky, even without a pair of lungs, gasped dramatically. "You wouldn't dare."

"You would be surprised." Gordon answered letting out a small chuckle.

They made their way to the elevator, and went down two floors.

Gordon felt the exhaustion clinging to him more and more with every step. The only thing that kept him awake was Ricky, who kept curiously glanced around his shoulder, humming a song under his puppet nose.

"The 11th room is yours, it's not too far from the elevator or us, but not too close to the noise we make." The puppet told him. It wasn't hard to find the room actually, it was the only one that had an ABC painted on its door.

"ABC, very funny," Gordon rolled his eyes.

"You have to admit that you were quiet a hero as you gallivanted around the buildings, with that gun of yours."

"You tried to steal it from me." He glanced at the Puppet as he opened the door.

"You wanted to shut down the antenna." Retorted Ricky. "I would say that we're even," he focused his limited attention inside. "So, what do you think?"

He was greeted by a spacious room, when this place was still a popular hotel, they probably charged a small fortune even for one night. Inside, there was a wide bed, two dark lacquered wardrobes, a small table and two accompanying chairs. A door opened to the bathroom, which was now dark.

Still, Gordon's attention was drawn to the drawings and sheets that used to decorate the otherwise white walls. Some just had the text: 'Gordon and his friendly neighbourhood'. Others were drawings showing the different puppets holding hands, with a stick figure that could possibly looked like him. Pirate flags, and crossbones here on there on other papers. There was one, that was a bit dirtier than the others, it had a wrench and some sacks on it. One of the papers only had a giant chicken-like footprint on it. He was able to see another with a piano drawn in crayon. Some puppets chose to draw on papers and put them on the walls, some, now he realised drew straight to the walls of his room.

"Have to say, it wasn't easy to stop them from filling all of the walls. I think they became quiet the fond of you, Gordon." Ricky said, clearly with a warm smile in his voice.

"Yeah, I guess," Gordon murmured and glanced away, but he knew the puppet caught the embarrassment on his face.

"Now, get to the bed and have some rest. We can look at the contract tomorrow, and you can even get a headache. I’ll allow it. "

The puppet gently nudged him with his head. He scoffed with a tired sigh, but listened.

"All right, all right, I can sleep for a couple of hours, then at dawn I can read those darned papers. Just get me some coffee."

"Good, until then I can go and look out for the others. If you'd be so nice chap." Ricky nodded at next to the bed where a pipe was waiting for him.

There was a pause, then Gordon stepped closer, letting the puppet climbed into it from his arm. "Do I want to know, why do you have a pipe to in my room?"

"No."

He scoffed and decided not to push it, instead he laid down into the bed and let out a sigh. The bed was so, so comfortable, and he almost forgot about the puppet next to his bed watching him. Almost.

“You know, Gordon, you remind me of the ocean.” Rocky glanced at him.

Gordon cocked an eye at him, not sure what to expect. “Why the ocean?”

“Because you’re salty and you scare people.” And with that the puppet vanished into the tubes inside the building, his chuckle echoing in the room around him.

"You damn little sock-puppet!" Gordon scoffed again and pulled the cover over him. "One of these days I will turn you into a hat, Ricky!" He yelled after him, but again he only received a warm chuckle.

"Good night, Gordon!" Ricky's voice echoed from the distance trough the pipes; it had a kind friendly tone.

"Yeah-yeah, night." Gordon turned to his side and adjusted the sheet on him. His thoughts began to wander, as his eyes slowly closed. The last thing he saw before falling asleep was the papers and drawings on the wall around him. Once again, he felt like he really made a good decision to help these puppets out.