#and this happens to me weekly
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rainyjackalope · 6 months ago
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I heard people were doing some kind of comic thing today
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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do you think when cherik fuck all metal items in the room an maybe in the house starts to fly..... bc i do and i can't imagine what's going on with charles's powers help please
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idk what happens on charles' end but this was my immediate first thought regarding erik
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weeklyhiiai · 5 months ago
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sunnytrip summer 🍋 hiiais! - ☄️
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toxintouch · 2 months ago
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yk how in veres likes on his character sheet it says he like cooking (badly)…… WHY HAS NO ONE DONE A FIC ABOUT THAT YET‼️⁉️⁉️ THAT SHOULD NOTTT BE A WASTED OPPORTUNITY. i’m not even joking im ab to send this to so many people because i can’t let this go to waste 😞
Here u are anon!  For the record, you are completely free to send this prompt around wherever you’d like!  It was such a fun idea, I’d love to see more takes on it. ^^
Warnings: Vere talking Innuendos? Innuendos.  So many, and I don’t guarantee that they are funny lol.  Just a general silly vibe and imo: absolutely  tooth rotting fluff.
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‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅SOUS CHEF ‧₊˚♡₊˚
You find yourself wandering through Lowtown during the lunch hour, trying to decide what sounds like a good meal.
Your mouth waters at the scents being carried on the breeze, a plethora of pleasant aromas wafting out of the eateries nestled inside the Amaryllis District, so fragrant that you can smell them all the way down on the bustling streets of Lowtown as long as you stay downwind.
However, if there’s one nice thing about knowing Leander it's that you also know you don’t have to go that far (or spend that much) for a delicious lunch. 
Near enough to the Wet Wick, there’s a series of side streets that make up an eclectic amalgamation of Lowtown and the Amaryllis District, and in it: a small and inconspicuous eatery.  The menu changes often, though you aren’t sure if that’s out of innovation or necessity, but the food is always filling and reasonably priced.
You follow the winding streets, getting lost for a brief moment before correcting your course, traveling until you see colorful chipped girih tiles and wide, clean windows.  You let yourself into the shop, the now familiar sound of hinges in need of an oiling welcoming you.  
There’s an assortment of goods on display–jars of honey and spiced fruit and loaves of braided bread with seeds–all kept safely locked away beneath an enchanted pane of glass.
Looking around, though, you don’t see anyone selling said fantastic wares.
You call out, expecting the shop keep or her wife to come running but instead you hear…silence.
Followed by a loud metallic clatter.
You freeze, unsure what to do, what the threat is–if there’s even a threat?–but before you can make up your mind, you’re greeted by a most unexpected sight.
Vere comes out of the kitchen area, his hair swept into an artfully stunning up-do that reveals the long line of his neck and clavicle, blemished only by the heavy collar locked around his throat. 
He’s wearing a weighty linen apron over his clothing, presumably to protect his outfit, though–his long gossamer sleeves are completely discordant with the notion, making you think that maybe the apron is more of an aesthetic choice.
“What’s this–?  A mouse?  In my kitchen?” Vere asks playfully as you continue to stare, dumbfounded.  He wields a spatula in his hand like a weapon–swatching it into his off-hand like a riding crop with a decisive snap.
“Where is–?”
“–The shop keep?  Wherever she pleases–the shop’s closed on Mondays.”
(You really don’t like the way he’s watching you…  Or the way he keeps inching closer…)
You take a step backwards, your eyes never leaving his.  “Oh,” you say, bandaged hands reaching blindly behind you.  “I didn’t realize.  The door was unlocked, so…”  You trail off.
You find the doorknob at last.  You attempt to turn it only to find that it won’t budge.
“Was it?”
Vere saunters up to you, tail swaying behind him.  You manage to tear your eyes away from his predator stare to search for possible exits, though you know for a fact you won’t be fast enough.   You look back and he’s already in your space, crowding you against the entryway.
(He smells really good, actually.  Like leather and spice and the subtle cling of perfume and incense.  And beneath that, something–earthy–animalistic, but in a way that’s intoxicating as opposed to unpleasant.)
“I was just about to make myself a snack–how nice that a snack came to me.”
“Stop playing around.” You try to steel yourself and inject the perfect amount of scolding into your voice while combating his heated stare.  “I know you’re just fucking with me to try and get a reaction; you and I both know you’re not going to eat me.” 
If he was, he would have done it by now.  Sometime within the weeks you’ve known him.  …Probably. 
Unless he just likes to play with his food.
“I didn’t realize you knew me so well,”  he says, looking amused.  “Perhaps I didn’t plan to, but now I simply can’t resist.  You look so absolutely delectable, how could I possibly contain myself?”
You don’t get the chance to reply.  Vere’s countenance changes suddenly–you watch his ears flatten a second before you hear the screaming whistle of a teapot.  His ears twitch in annoyance at the sound, his perfectly sculpted face showing a sour sneer.  He gives you a sideways glance, calculating.
“Then again.  I find myself in need of a sous chef.  Congratulations on your promotion.  Come along now.”  He hooks a finger into your cloak and pulls you easily into the kitchen.  (To be fair, you don’t struggle.  Anyone would want to see where this is going, right?)
He releases you once you’ve crossed over the threshold, waving his fingers uncaringly towards a second apron affixed to a hook on the wall as he beelines to remove a glass teapot from the stove and stifle the noise.  He moves quickly as you watch, casually throwing aside the spatula in his hand in favor of an ornate silver teaspoon.  He measures a vibrantly colored tea into the inlaid steeping container of the equally ornate teapot and takes a pleased inhale as the tea’s fragrance blooms, humming as he flips over a delicate hourglass to keep track of the steeping time.
There’s silence for a moment–
Him watching the teapot and you watching him.
“Well?”  He asks, without looking up.  You’ve seen this look before, you think – this pensive, almost lonesome look that makes your heart ache against all better judgment.  “Staying or going?”
He grins when you put on the apron.  You search his face for some sincerity, but he’s all sharp teeth and tall ears, covering any glimpses of deeper emotion with a sheen of smugness.  He circles you once you have the apron on, taking in the image.
“Mm, don’t you just look adorable.  Very domesticated.”
You’re pretty sure that the word he’s looking for is domestic. But of course, he knows what he said and he meant to say it.  You decide that he’s probably betting on your correction, already armed with a witty retort.  You smooth the apron down while pointedly looking away, deciding that you won’t give him the satisfaction.  You hear him chuckle.
Since you’re avoiding looking at Vere, you look around the kitchen for the first time.
It’s a spacious workspace–moreso than the storefront, even.  There’s a large iron stove unlike anything you’ve ever seen, covered with magical runes and dials, with a large hearth built into the belly of it.  A plethora of pots and pans have been placed on the burners, left to sizzle and pop in the red hot heat.  
Oil is singing from the heated, shallow basins but you don’t see anything cooking inside.  
There’s a slab of meat diced into neat squares and a heaping bowl of lumpy batter set to the side of the stove top.
“What are you making?”  You ask, trying to make sense of the scene.
“Panko crusted fish filet.  And there’s a pasta in the oven.  For dessert, I was thinking–” he gives you a sly look, one that makes your ears feel warm, “hmm, well.  I just had a much better idea in regards to dessert.”  He makes a show of licking his fangs, the movements of his tongue slow and sensual.
You think you tied your apron too tight; your airway is feeling a little constricted.  It seems to be getting worse the longer you watch.
You clear your throat, tearing your eyes away.  More ingredients, most partially prepared, and a host of dirtied pots and pans greet you.  You turn your back to him as you explore, fully engrossed in all of the views that the mess of a kitchen has to offer.  You’re almost afraid to ask: “So, what am I here to help with?”
“Oh?”  You don’t hear Vere come up next to you, but you feel him brushing up against you.  “Does my darling sous chef require…instruction?  A guiding hand, so to speak?”  You freeze, feeling his breath against your ear, shivers running down your spine at his light and teasing chuckle.
But then he’s breezing past you, making a wide dramatic gesture toward the large tome perched surreptitiously on the counter.  “Lucky for you, I’ve a recipe.”  His tail wags swishes elegantly behind him as he beams with pride.
His tail knocks the whisk out of the mystery batter beside the fish filet but he takes no notice.
Vere hops gracefully up onto the counter, reaching for the batter.  He does an impressive twist in order to grab hold of another whisk and you take the time to appreciate that.  Then, with Vere occupied and seemingly ignoring you, you take a look at the recipe book.  
The text is old and withered with the occasional dash of sprawling spidery script painting the margins.  (Said writing is utterly illegible–you’re actually not sure if it’s in a language you can read, though if you squint you think you can see something that looks like the word ‘cake’.)  The page it’s opened to is ripped in half, rendering precious steps of the recipe lost to time.  You spot a mysterious bite mark piercing through the corner of the leather cover.
And can’t stop yourself from surreptitiously glancing over at Vere.  He’s moved on from the batter (which looks as lumpy as it did a minute ago) and is now eating skewers of raw fish with his nails.
“You’re not supposed to eat while you cook,” you say, the time worn words out of your mouth before you can examine your personal stance on them.
“Says who?  Some limp dick?  No shame in indulging, pet.”
“You’re not even gonna have anything left to cook,” you warn.
“Hum, sounds like my sous chef should get to work covering them in batter instead of just standing there before I eat them all.”
You roll your eyes, but follow through with instructions.  The space is unfamiliar and your movements are slow and unsure with Vere looming over you from his perch on high, watching.
One of the pans of oil gives an ominous pop.  “Hmm, sounds like it’s hot enough,” says Vere.  “Move over.”
“Is that safe?”
“For me,” Vere says simply.  “And it’s faster.  Now stand further back or you'll get splattered–and not in the fun way.”  Idly, he tosses a batter covered filet into the shallow pan.  The resulting hiss makes you both cringe.
As if on queue, the hourglass for the tea gives a gentle chime, lighting up with a golden glow.  (You’re beginning to wonder how this humble shop can afford all these magical items, but then again this is the city of secrets.  You’re probably better off not knowing.)  Vere’s ears perk up, pleased.  He tosses the remaining fillets in the pan without a fuss, setting lids on top of each to contain the oil, acting as if doing so is going to stop any potential disaster.
Main course forgotten, he moves on to digging something out from inside one of the many cupboards.  “Be a dear and cut this for me, will you?”  He hands you a delicate peach before heading to the tea pot, stirring the contents and adding what must be a priceless amount of honey.
The peach in your hand is overripe but still vibrant–amazing, as you haven’t seen fresh fruit at all since you came to Eridia.  Your mouth waters anew as you remember what led you here in the first place–your quest for a meal–and you’re almost tempted to take a bite, follow Vere’s advice and sink your teeth in.
“My, my.  I’m almost jealous.  I thought you only looked at me like that.”
Vere shushes the denial from your lips, bossing you around regarding how he wants the peach sliced before shooing you out of his way and finishing his remaining tea preparations,with the look of an artist at work.  The tea is a warm oolong color, made only more alluring once the infusion of peach is complete.
It’s refreshing, too, once Vere serves it to you over ice.
You can almost ignore the great plumes of smoke coming from the oven.
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Vere cooks how others might enjoy a leisurely stroll. 
Which is to say, he seems to be having fun, but you’re not convinced he intends on really going anywhere.  Still, there’s a rhythm to it–a dance, though he leads you in expected loops and turns, changes the tune at a moment's notice.  He’ll get bored of the task at hand and find some new spice to peruse, demand you taste test an ingredient or give your opinion on a dizzying new flavor he’s concocted.
(He manages to convince you to sample a bit of cucumber soup from the cold box.  You retch, proclaiming it salty, downing another glass of delicious peach oolong–
“I can still taste it in the back of my throat…!”–and he cackles wildly.)
Thick locks of hair are falling out of his up-do by the time he’s satisfied, framing his face and bringing your attention, again to the inviting line of his clavicle.  He tosses his loose hair over his shoulder, preening.
The recipe book is basically ruined, and the pasta is null and void, but some of the fillets look mildly edible.  The artful garnish is beautiful, at least.  The kale and orange slices really bring out the crispy burnt bits.  Vere seems to enjoy plating the food a great deal, humming and rearranging and circling the display until he deems it arranged to perfection.
He’s elegant when he takes a bite, biting down with a crunch.  His tail goes very still for a moment, then shivers microscopically as he chews.  He swallows in a manner that you can only describe as dignified, dabbing his lips with a napkin.  You wait in anticipation, but Vere says nothing for a long time.  Then, he quietly takes the old recipe book and throws it away.
Thankfully, he doesn’t insist on you trying it too.
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You end up snacking on some of the pre-made goods, drinking the remaining tea and lounging at one of the shop’s cozy little tables.  The mood is light and easy, and the view is magnificent.  Outside, there’s nothing but trash littered streets and urchins, but inside…the afternoon glow coming from the window illuminates Vere like a sunset, painting him in dazzling shades of gold and red and bronze.
Vere hums, peering at you pointedly through his sooty lashes.  “So, dessert?”
You can’t imagine the look that comes across your face–whatever it is, it makes Vere laugh.
“What are you giving me that look for?  My intentions are pure.” His voice is a masterclass in syrupy false-innocence.  “As clean as Leander’s bed sheets after–”
“Please don’t finish that sentence and give me any mental images,” you beg.  “I have to sleep there tonight, I’d rather not know.”
“Ignorance is bliss.”  Vere agrees, closing his eyes and appearing to bask in the sun for a moment.  His face does something that you don’t quite catch–some hidden expression–but then, he’s smiling easily.  He must really be relaxed if he can still smile seconds after thinking about Leander.  You’re still admiring him when the shadows against the walls flicker, and suddenly he isn’t sitting next to you any more.
Instead, he’s returning from the kitchen, a tray in hand.
He sets it down in front of you, revealing an assortment of strawberries and an ornate silver porringer of what appears to be melted chocolate.  Vere sets it down on the table, plucking the small dessert spoon from the chocolate once he’s seated across from you again.
“Occasionally, life does offer up something sweet to savor–only for those willing to go out and take it.”  His tongue darts out to lick the chocolate off the spoon in his hand.  He maintains eye contact as his tongue laves across the basin and–embarrassingly–you think you get a little lightheaded from the intensity with which your blood rushes to your face.  The crinkles at the corners of his eyes tell you that he know exactly where your mind has gone.
Setting the spoon down, Vere instead picks up a bare strawberry, leaning in closer to press it gently to your mouth.
The chocolate is overly bitter–a little burnt, perhaps, but you can’t find it in yourself to care when you’re tasting the remnants of it on Vere’s lips.
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(Before leaving, you plop a few coins down on the counter as payment.  You brought enough to cover your food…but definitely not enough to cover the mess in the kitchen.  There’s really nothing you can do about that.  
You hope you don’t get blacklisted.  You’d like to come back next Monday.)
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Hope you enjoyed if you made it this far! ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
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idk-bruh-20 · 1 year ago
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Irondad fic ideas #144
Peter Parker sounds just like Spider-Man. This is something that the students of Midtown find hilarious
Soon, Peter's getting comments in the halls like, "Hey are you that kid who sounds like Spider-Man?" "Uhhh I mean -" "Holy shit it's truuue" and, "Hey Parker, say, 'Hiya Mister Criminal'' "(sigh) Hiya Mister criminal-"
It becomes a daily bit on the school news: they put Peter in the cheapest, most ridiculous Spider-Man mask imaginable and get him to say wild stuff, whatever Midtown students can think of. Like that bit at the end of Honest Trailers.
(Peter may or may not go slightly viral saying some Stuff about the Rogue Avengers in his "Spider-Man voice." Tony may or may not nearly piss himself laughing about it when he finds out.
Spider-Man himself has yet to comment.)
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pepsinister · 21 days ago
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Hello everybody I am interested in a statistic. Reblog & say your:
- Spotify wrapped total minutes listened
- Spotify wrapped total unique songs listened to
- Total minutes divided by number of unique songs
For example: I listened to 5,113 unique songs for a total of 47,190 minutes -> this works out to nine and a quarter minutes per song
And for posterity, how many times did you listen to your #1 song? For me it was 21.
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gentil-minou · 1 year ago
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student council au where wei wuxian ran "as a joke" but won president with lan wangji as his vice president and their shenanigans as wwx uses a sizeable amount of their budget for carnivals and student events and lwj just...lets him
his uncle, the principal, asks him what on earth are you doing and lwj just takes out a research paper that shows the benefits of fun and relaxing activities on student mental health while wwx is shooting a t-shirt canon at the crowd behind them
there's a sofa in the student lounge that wwx uses to take naps and everytime he does his shirt rides up revealing a sliver of skin and lwj has one hand in a tight horny grip as he calculates how much of their budget they can devote to a bunny petting zoo even though the insurance will be a nightmare but wwx really wants one so he will get one.
(at the petting zoo, wwx tells him the bunny petting zoo was a birthday gift for him)
(lwj kisses his big stupid perfect little face)
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canisalbus · 1 year ago
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I'm sure you get this a lot but because my cousin and I love that one Danny Trejo action comedy, I always have to snap my brain into the right position when I read Machete's name. Maybe I should draw them both chilling
.
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squeakadeeks · 2 months ago
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nothing makes me wish i had some variety of acme ray gun blaster more than when someone almost hits me on a pedestrian sidewalk on a motorized scooter/ebike easily doing 15+ mph on their phone/headphones/doesnt move or even be aware of actual people walking on the sidewalk around them. where pedestrians are going to be. where pedestrians are supposed to be.
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silvermoon424 · 1 year ago
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dredgesnails · 2 months ago
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the life series is great because it's just like kpop survival shows. i'm constantly craving regularly scheduled entertainment once a week for a few months wherein everyone watching can discuss (fight) online over who they want to win and make theories and fawn over their favourite friendships/relationships/allyships. it's brilliant television really...
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the-golden-vanity · 11 months ago
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Because I can't be at the gay bar for more than a few hours before I inevitably bring up some variety of boat story...
Me: ...and I really didn't know what reading Moby-Dick would be like, because you only ever hear about it as one of those venerable old doorstoppers of American literature, but it's actually like listening to your quirkiest gay friend infodump to you about their current obsession, which in this case is whales and boats.
Friend: So... it's like talking to you?
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intotheelliwoods · 1 year ago
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Little Sprout: what happened with big us?
Current Sprout: ................ *INCOHERENT SOBBING-*
yeahh- *sniffles*
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thisshitisridiculous · 2 months ago
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actually i hate watching a show where the actors and writers have articles every week about what's going to happen, like what do you mean ever take involves some quote from someone where they literally can't tell you what's going on because that's a spoiler, just watch the show, the show will tell you everything you need to know
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kevindavidday · 4 months ago
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save me domestic kevaaron...save me...
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tinystepsforward · 9 months ago
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you know what i'm gonna just say it. some shit has gone down locally that i thought that we'd outgrown in the 2010s and i'm fucking pissed off. it's somehow worse this time bc we're facing significantly worse threats and they still decided this shit was worth doing for their own egos.
sick of other brown people who see me and others working hard to organise something and getting shockingly decent success with community unity and pull the race card the moment they can. sick of "poc can't protest it's not safe. but also fuck white people who organise any action whatsoever without us. and fuck white people who do their own risk assessment bc what if a bigot decides to blame poc for what you did." like that's literally victim blaming and also we are not a monolith. it's insulting from the people who haven't fought cops alongside me and heartbreaking from the people who have and have somehow decided they're now gonna be on this vibe.
but more than anything else i am sick of white guilt. sick of white people who are willing to let me do all the work of organising something and tremulously flutter around being moderately useful if a little bit fragile until the moment one of those wreckers happens to pull the race card and then they immediately do whatever is necessary to stop feeling discomfort, which usually involves surrendering all critical thinking and any respect whatsoever for me and my work. it's fucked up that they can't hear a brown person say that something is white without going immediately "i'm sorry :( i'm sorry i'm white :( i'm sorry this whole massive community effort, which was definitely not facilitated and organised by a real brown person who is watching me say this, was run entirely by white people with no poc or migrant voices involved :("
what a fucking insult! what an insult to me and to the māori and asian organisers who were putting in the work! we broke bread together! and the moment they get a chance to do Performative Allyship that goes out the window in favor of smearing local trans orgs with destructive rumours that they're racist that were clearly spread by someone who was trying to sabotage the local antifascist movement? fuck off. they better not dare talk to me about community ever again
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