#and this feels like the long term kind
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semiotomatics · 3 months ago
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i do think im getting worse tho
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fisherrprince · 3 months ago
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,
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#sorry it’s how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancy…#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasn’t really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesn’t look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesn’t react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn don’t like that you feel bad I am going…#to…………. ssssssssssit here about it…………………………….. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I don’t want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings either which is……………. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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lazylittledragon · 10 months ago
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a 2 act tragedy starring me: i’ve been making fruit smoothies in the morning for a few days which has been great because it’s getting me to actually eat fruit for once, only to go on the internet and be told that it apparently releases all the natural sugars so it's actually Not that great for you and i am devastated
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essektheylyss · 2 months ago
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Okay but the confirmation that the Granddaughter is supposed to have reached a state of tranquility and detachment but hasn't, and is instead aggressively and desperately shoving down all of their emotions without being able to excise them has sent them to the top of my faves list immediately.
I'm also really looking forward to seeing if the Fold wizard on deck survives whatever just happened, because I would love to find out if all Granddaughters have actually excised their emotions, or if in reality, they're supposed to be practicing tranquility but don't actually have a grasp on that until later, after their Realization. I would not be surprised to learn, especially after Artifice's whisper last episode, that this is something of an initiatory secret that isn't meant to be fully understood until later, once Realization has been had.
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hylianane · 2 months ago
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A big part of the Haikyuu rewatch is watching the characters interact and worrying that I fandomized their relationships too much in my head, particularly with the Karasuno first years because Hinata and Kags keep Yamaguchi and Tsukishima at arm’s length for so long. But then I remember. Oh wait the squad is literally Hinata’s phone background by the end of the story. You don’t put a picture of just some dudes in your after school club as your phone background.
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#ane discovers character development takes time who wouldve thought#personally I think wthe change happens when Yachi and Tsuki start tutoring them#It’s around the time that there’s a shift in their bickering so that it’s more. ‘familial’ isnt the term I’m looking for but like#the kind of razzing you can only do with someone you know#Tsukishima for example starts bringing up specific things they studied together to dunk on Kageyama not remembering any of it#And another subtle thing I noticed- cause again I started going like ? did I fandomize my entire perception of Tadashi too much?#cause for the first season he doesn’t interact with ANYONE but Tsuki. Like practically not at all except to brag about Tsuki to others#But I have a sneaking suspicion that this starts to change around the time that he starts getting on the court more often as a pinch server#Probably because it gives him more courage#Cause I remember him having a lot to say in the Shiratorizawa match#and I remember him getting along with Yachi! So like I’m keeping an eye out for those changes#haikyuu!!#Also my favorite part about rewatching Haikyuu is how the reveal of Kag’s backstory really does affect. Your entire perception of him#Like I know its probably cause he’s my fav but I always feel so frustrated when people assume the worst of him and so sad that even Oikawa-#who knew him back when he was a very happy and shy kid- doesn’t even question why his personality had such a sudden shift#but then I realize that the only reason I’m so aware of these changed is because Kageyama has ‘opened up to me’ as an audience member befor#Furudate waited hundreds off chapters to tell us that he’s been grieving a loved onesince a little before the very first scene of the manga#So that it would feel like we earned it#Idk how to explain it like when you meet someone who’s hurting it takes a lot of effort and patience for them to tell you why#in the same way bc we stuck by the story for so long and watching Kageyama learn to be more open#we got the privilege of learning why he was closed off in the same place#but Kageyama didnt give anyone at his old school the chance to stick around- not Kindaichi or Kunimi or anyone#So it makes total sense#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#yamaguchi tadashi#tsukishima kei#yachi hitoka#karasuno first years#my post
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thedevotionaltour · 4 days ago
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sorry main blog complaint moment that actually isn't a big deal but sometimes there are some fandoms where im like why are we selfshipping/ocxcanon shipping from here where are we even getting yeah i gotta ship from here vibes. not that we can't you can do whatever you want and lord knows i probably have fandoms that make people cock their head but also why.
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sanasanakun · 2 months ago
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Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.
It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)
#also I don't mean we're similar in any way when it comes to rape or SA. Please don't twist it that way at all.#I mean like in terms of the jealously resentment revenge hurting others to feel thrilled not taking responsibility not seeing flaws etc#I'm diagnosed with NPD also but pls know my experience will be different from others. We're all different people obvs.#also Jimmy has like wayyyyyyyyyy more things wrong with him not just untreated NPD lol#I would say that untreated NPD is a hell most can't describe#you barely feel anything except rage boredom and jealousy (in my case)#love is a form of ownership and control because you can't really feel it the right way#so your -person- is an object of intense obsession and also a tool for you#if that makes sense? I see that with Jimmy and Curly for sure#You want to tear others down and hurt them because it makes you feel good to put them below you#there's a constant feeling of insecurity and it drives you crazy fr#kind gestures from friends feel insulting#and oh my god achievements made by friends and family in my case feel like I've been shot like I hate when they achieve things#It's not logical obvs but that's something I instantly noticed in Jimmy so i was like .....oh brother lol#and also if they achieve something my brain needs it to somehow be tied to me or I'll make it tied to me so they can be thankful#they should always center their attention on me and if they don't I immediately resent them#these are just some of my thought processes on the matter so I can show the similarities I feel with Jimmy#the KEY DIFFERENCE is all of these thoughts I have are left in my head and not exhibited in my actions (any more. took a long time)#but he is such a nasty human with ZERO introspection that he prob never even thought about treatment#also doesn't help that the hot blonde he's friends with never did anything to help with that#idk sorry for oversharing but ahhh this game is so well written I gotta yap about it lol#also kind of a funny unrelated story to show how weird the achievement thing can be lol#my friends announced they saved up enough to go to Vietnam (their dream trip) and I was happy for them (I really was)#but of course my delusional ass immediately also took it as a threat#and I booked a month long trip to Europe a few days after so I could also announce it LMAO#that is a kind of innocent incident when compared to Jimmy but it just shows how annoying NPD can be#Jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#NPD
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selkiemaidenfae · 2 years ago
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i’m a bit too hungover to fully articulate this the way i want to but
there’s something about camila dragging billy to that party where he’s immediately offered alcohol because she’s never truly seen his addiction for what it is vs daisy staying in his tour bus with him because she understands that they’re fighting the same struggle
there’s something about camila not really having any clue why billy needs daisy so much to the point where she has to ask if daisy’s a better lover than her vs daisy inherently understanding why billy had to choose his family despite never having a family of her own
there’s something about camila never intervening in the billy/eddie conflict in all those years vs daisy showing up and immediately telling billy that aurora needed to be eddie’s project too
there’s something about billy writing the same songs over and over with camila vs daisy forcing him out of his songwriting comfort zone leading to him writing the most personal and beautiful songs of his career
something something daisy allowed him to be the truest version of himself while camila let him hide behind the idealized version something something billy ultimately chose camila because he wanted to be the man that she saw instead of the complicated mess that daisy understood him to be
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I'm sorry, but why don't we talk about Witch Hunt more? Seriously, I think it might be my favorite DAO DLC. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the hell out of Awakening. Leliana's Song is good. The Golems of Amgarrak is... eh, bad. I didn't really like that one. The Warden's Keep, The Stone Prisoner, and Return to Ostagar are all amazing and I love them.
But Witch Hunt??? Y'all. I can't. I'm too emotional right now.
I have at least one dynamic from each game that I'm obsessed with. For DAO, it's the dynamic between romanced!Alistair, Tabris, and Morrigan. I've talked before about the dark ritual and stuff in this post, so let's just say that my Tabris, Rose, very much has unfinished business and a score to settle with Morrigan.
Tabris and Morrigan grew so close throughout the entire journey of DAO, y'know? Close enough that Morrigan claimed she thought of her as a sister, and Tabris felt the same way... and then in one single moment, it's just shattered.
There were signs that Tabris ignored, like the way Morrigan dismissed all the circle mages and claimed they should be left to their fates since they "allow themselves to be caged like cattle." Or how she disapproved every time Tabris wanted to help those down on their luck. Or, worst of all, when Morrigan disapproved when Tabris chose to kill the Tevinter slaver instead of making a deal with him to use the lives of the remaining elves to grant her more power... one of those caged elves being Tabris' father.
But she gave Morrigan the benefit of the doubt; she's sheltered and only had Flemeth as an influence and teacher, of course she's unempathetic and selfish, but there is good in Morrigan's heart. She can learn to be more empathetic and to care for others.
At least, Tabris believed that until Morrigan confessed that she's known about the ultimate sacrifice and the dark ritual from the beginning, that Flemeth sent her with the wardens with a purpose that Morrigan intends to follow through with. It's devastating and it broke Tabris' heart.
She just learned that a warden has to die to stop the blight, and that warden could be her or Alistair. Not only are they romantically involved, but they've been through all of this shit together, they're the only ones who fully understand what being a grey warden is like. They carry the burden on their shoulders, and they're probably going to lose each other to the archdemon.
And Morrigan waits until she's at her most vulnerable to ask that of her.
Again, I've gone into more detail about that before, but at this point Rose is done with people deceiving her. She's done with Morrigan... except she's not. It's the betrayal and knowing Morrigan got what she wanted that causes Rose to go searching for her.
To Morrigan's credit, she does give some answers. She claims she didn't thing the archdemon would show itself so soon, and she did what she had to because she didn't wish to see Tabris hurt or die. I believe her, and to an extent, Tabris believes her... but Morrigan still doesn't get WHY it's a betrayal.
Morrigan's right: She will never understand Tabris, and Tabris will never understand her. She can insist it's not a betrayal all she wants, but it absolutely is, and Tabris has never allowed anyone who crossed her to just walk away... except for Morrigan.
Until now.
Hearing that Morrigan manipulated her way into the trust of this Dalish clan so she could steal their book and run is just further evidence in Tabris' eye that she hasn't changed. Maybe it was always foolish to believe she could.
So... she stabbed Morrigan.
She didn't do it to kill her; Morrigan is the daughter of Flemeth and a powerful mage with healing magic, a mere stab isn't going to kill her.
No, it's about what the stab represents: "I am done with you."
And how the scene plays out? It's so dramatic and good, just the way everything slows down, the music, how they make eye contact as the stabbing happens just....
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I know it sounds really bad, and this is the part where I remind everyone that I ADORE Morrigan, but the stabbing ending is so satisfying from a story-telling standpoint for my playthrough.
It's so tragic and it hurts and I hate it.... but I love it, y'know?
I love Witch Hunt, like I haven't even talked about Ariane and Finn, or how the circle just has all these books on Dalish artifacts and translations of elvhen, or how other eluvians can be found with a shard from the broken one in the dalish origin.... like you're telling me that Merrill had a piece of the puzzle? If she had the knowledge, she could've found a working eluvian to study?? I'm going to gnaw my own leg off--
Listen, I could gush about this all day.
But now that I've completely finished DAO, it's time to replay DA2.
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marigoldbaker · 13 days ago
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ok last thought of the night I was out w a dear friend today and mentioned smth to them that i wanna put here too esp after dating excursions!!! i am beginning to realize that the life i’m living now is the life i always wanted? there’s nothing i would change about it. i like where i live.
but more crucially — i was talking to this friend about that and tumbled into talking about a teacher of mine who i was very close with all through elementary/middle/high school (i was a favorite) and who lived alone in an apartment full of art and whimsy + who had a casual boyfriend here and there but who was very much a solo spinster unit. and realized in that convo that i think my dream life looks so much like that. so so much like that
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la-galaxie-langblr · 2 months ago
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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elisedonut · 1 month ago
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I've been out all day with my mom and i pretty much spent the whole time we were in stores on a Spiderman/Ironman hunt
just pointing at everything with one of them on it and saying with dumbest voice "spiderman~" "Ironman~"
I'm lucky my mom is so used to my bullshit
she sat through like two hours of Starker edits and clip compilations once we made it back to her house too
it's fun being into a pairing that has enough to work with for edits again I missed it alot because i used to love edits and amvs but since getting heavy into Percy i haven't watched them as much since he just doesn't really get them because of the whole like three scenes thing
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firefl1ezz · 8 months ago
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i just. hit s+ rank in splatoon and i never honestly thought this would happen?? am i cool now.. do i get to be a part of the s4? do i get to be watered down to my running joke all the time?
#the last part is a joke but i do not see a whole lot of recognition of the s4 being. the s4#like yeah they were cool formidable foes in the s1 era and skull even beat goggles despite his plot armor#but now theyre just#there??#dont get me wrong i love their existence but#it feels like theyve been watered down at least a bit#skull is always just getting lost and army is almost always either the manual guy or the curry guy#thats. thats it thats their bits#skull also has the sweets thing#rider is sometimes a considerable foe too but at the same time the s4 doesnt usually consist of him so im not sure how much to count him#that being said it is a kids manga so i dont really expect it to lean too far into the formidable foes thing#even the xblood werent that scary in the long run and ended up goofy despite being who they were#i also get it in terms of fandom#i understand the appeal of something like aloha being cutesy dumb pink guy (who maaaaaaybe commited some crimes and it shows)#i also definitely understand the appeal of army having a thing for curry as well as the manuals#the manuals can be an endearing thing to write about trust me#but i also wouldnt mind seeing more things that center around the likes of the s4 and the xblood and even the best8 being the absolute best#of the best during their prime#reminder that s+ was the highest rank around when the s4 were introduced. same with the xblood#they were the strongest players and id like to see things that center around that#id like to imagine that moving on to the square and splatsville that the s4 would have had a chance to move uo and get into xbattles#i think of all of them skull and army would have the highest chances of actually making it to xrank and being successful#but honestly if mask and aloha could probably make it pretty well too if they got off their asses#and i think rider would excel as well being rider#he has his own kind of near plot armour i think#so do most of the big teams in my opinion#theyre the sort of doomed by the plot that forces them to battle goggles at some point lmao#maybe i could use this in a fic or au one day#maybe someone already has...#(please send to me if you know of any creators who have played around with these vague ideas of strength i wanna see em)
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erme-maererme · 6 months ago
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i actually believe astarion is someone you can rely on in crisis. while his ability to think long-term would definitely improve post-game because then such factors as fear and anxiety paralyzing and clouding the mind (also physical exhaustion and starvation) are removed and he also simply starts having reason and opprtunity to plan ahead and make these things that he wants happen, that's obivously not true for the duration of the game. HOWEVER, he doesn't really freeze flight fight under stress, like he immediately starts scheming how to turn the situation in his favour, to assess the opportunities before him and actually use them. it's not always for the better/what he originally sets out to get as it turns out later, but the seduction plan and eating more tadpoles do grant him protection and better chances at survival, he gets the advantage he desires, so technically he's pretty effective at that. and i don't think this skill is limited to these examples for him.
like he definitely has experience at reacting to high-risk situations and attempting to reduce the harm to himself, he literally spent the last 200 years surviving on a day to day basis and trying to turn the horrible conditions a little less horrible, even if it was about avoiding the torture/redirecting cazador's anger towards someone else/simply recognizing his moods and acting in some way to avoid the attention/etc.
if anything, he doesn't know how to function without stress, but he must be pretty good during shocking life or death situations.
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droodlebug · 2 months ago
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i'm for sure not finishing veilguard. i set it down a while and tried again and ahh i'm just not enjoying it. the characters dont have a depth im looking for.. the insertion of a writer's white guilt onto the elves that are based on real life indigenous people and have been in-games enslaved and treated horrifically and are the ones who don't have "real" gods that are actually just blighted tyrants. everything with taash and the qunari. the gameplay was fun for a while but then it made my hand so numb i couldnt do anything for a week. the last straw was taash's gender talk that suddenly turned into picking a cultural identity for them to align with out of nowhere and then soon after learning that Another antagonist is of course an elf. starting to feel like their implying that all elves become evil when given power jfc. i think i'm actually done with it it started making me feel gross and bored. i don't care if you enjoy it or not, everyone's got a different threshold it just crossed mine.
#i wish i'd told my brother to not get it for me but he was so excited to get me a gift. i would have rather pirated it#i wanted to be hopeful they'd have made more strides since dai since it had seemed to be getting better ish.#but the bioware team clearly don't think mulicultural people are 'true to themselves' or that arab people are well. People.#or that anyone could enjoy and align with the religion that is heavily modeled after islam. ofc it's just stifling and constraining right.#everyone who follows it is evil and awful and the fucking. blighted qunari turning into literal giant monsters when nobody else is affected#like that. what the Fuck.#how did it get More racist than dragon age 2.#anyway. long chatter short i think my final personal onion is that i do not like the game and i kind of wish it didnt exist. thumbs up#there's cool concepts in there but.. the racism got Worse. the established lore was tossed out the window. the music is forgettable.#the pacing is off. the therapy talk gets annoying after a while. my favorite things are: davrin and assan. davrin is so funny also his bo#also neve. i love neve i wish her story was more..... More. i like that she got upset at her city being destroyed even though she didnt#want to blame my character she couldnt help herself from blaming him. mixed feelings on how gender is incorporated. could be better but it'#good for a triple a game. wish they used the established in-universe terms for being trans but eh.#i wish the world wasn't so sanititized down. it feels like a desire for everything to be 'good' and perfect but it makes it feel hollow#and like a kind of immature unwillingness to tackle hard subjects but well. that's a running theme of the lead writer of this game lmao
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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recent lounging babey images
#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy#a beauntifulle boye...#cats#STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going#on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit#so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T#Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the#main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things.#Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've#now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do#and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and#everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over#the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many#potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all#seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o#cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat#ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together!#and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams#together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and#am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper#focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not)#even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern#age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu#I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb#AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3#I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol
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