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theophagism · 4 years ago

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this is gonna sound so weird but drop some book recs

please, i love giving book recs! here are a few of my favs in no particular order w/ their Goodreads summary

Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson

A stunning work that is both a novel and a poem, both an unconventional re-creation of an ancient Greek myth and a wholly original coming-of-age story set in the present.

Geryon, a young boy who is also a winged red monster, reveals the volcanic terrain of his fragile, tormented soul in an autobiography he begins at the age of five. As he grows older, Geryon escapes his abusive brother and affectionate but ineffectual mother, finding solace behind the lens of his camera and in the arms of a young man named Herakles, a cavalier drifter who leaves him at the peak of infatuation. When Herakles reappears years later, Geryon confronts again the pain of his desire and embarks on a journey that will unleash his creative imagination to its fullest extent. By turns whimsical and haunting, erudite and accessible, richly layered and deceptively simple, Autobiography of Red is a profoundly moving portrait of an artist coming to terms with the fantastic accident of who he is.

honestly my favorite book. i can’t recommend it enough. it inspired my username and my blog title both here and on my other tumblr accounts. i’m planning on getting a few tattoos based on it as well.

tw: sexual abuse, disassociation

Night Sky With Exit Wounds By Ocean Vuong

Collection of Vuong’s poetry

tw: internalized/externalized homophobia, poetic violence, the aftermaths of war/immigration

The River King by Alice Hoffman

People tend to stay in their place in the town of Haddan. The students at the prestigious prep school don't mix with locals. Even within the school, hierarchy rules as freshman and faculty members find out where they fit in and what is expected of them. But when a body is found in the river behind the school, a local policeman will walk into this enclosed world and upset it entirely. A story of surface appearances and the truths submerged below.

so so so so beautiful and heart wrenching. i read it in sixth grade and have kept my copy ever since and haven’t stopped thinking about it. similar to The Secret History and If We Were Villians.

tw: self-harm, suicidal ideation, brutal murder

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Under the influence of their charismatic classics professor, a group of clever, eccentric misfits at an elite New England college discover a way of thinking and living that is a world away from the humdrum existence of their contemporaries. But when they go beyond the boundaries of normal morality they slip gradually from obsession to corruption and betrayal, and at last - inexorably - into evil.

in my top five favorite book and one of my most reread. my copy is covered in notes and ramblings.

tw: murder, alcohol and drug abuse

If We Were Villians by M.L. Rio

Oliver Marks has just served ten years in jail - for a murder he may or may not have committed. On the day he's released, he's greeted by the man who put him in prison. Detective Colborne is retiring, but before he does, he wants to know what really happened a decade ago. As one of seven young actors studying Shakespeare at an elite arts college, Oliver and his friends play the same roles onstage and off: hero, villain, tyrant, temptress, ingenue, extra. But when the casting changes, and the secondary characters usurp the stars, the plays spill dangerously over into life, and one of them is found dead. The rest face their greatest acting challenge yet: convincing the police, and themselves, that they are blameless.

it took me a bit to fall into but it’s really good. similar to The Secret History

tw: murder

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor

Around the world, black hand prints are appearing on doorways, scorched there by winged strangers who have crept through a slit in the sky. In a dark and dusty shop, a devil’s supply of human teeth grows dangerously low. And in the tangled lanes of Prague, a young art student is about to be caught up in a brutal otherworldly war. Meet Karou. She fills her sketchbooks with monsters that may or may not be real, she’s prone to disappearing on mysterious "errands", she speaks many languages - not all of them human - and her bright blue hair actually grows out of her head that color. Who is she? That is the question that haunts her, and she’s about to find out. When beautiful, haunted Akiva fixes fiery eyes on her in an alley in Marrakesh, the result is blood and starlight, secrets unveiled, and a star-crossed love whose roots drink deep of a violent past. But will Karou live to regret learning the truth about herself?

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

A wild, passionate story of the intense and almost demonic love between Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff, a foundling adopted by Catherine's father. After Mr Earnshaw's death, Heathcliff is bullied and humiliated by Catherine's brother Hindley and wrongly believing that his love for Catherine is not reciprocated, leaves Wuthering Heights, only to return years later as a wealthy and polished man. He proceeds to exact a terrible revenge for his former miseries.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelly

The story of a young scientist who creates a sapient creature in an unorthodox scientific experiment.

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Through the story of Charles Ryder's entanglement with the Flytes, a great Catholic family, Evelyn Waugh charts the passing of the privileged world he knew in his own youth and vividly recalls the sensuous pleasures denied him by wartime austerities. At once romantic, sensuous, comic, and somber, Brideshead Revisited transcends Waugh's early satiric explorations and reveals him to be an elegiac, lyrical novelist of the utmost feeling and lucidity.

tw: sad ending, alcoholism

Crush by Richard Siken

Collection of Siken’s poetry

tw: internalized/externalized homophobia, poetic violence

The Likeness by Tana French

Cassie Maddox has transferred out of the Dublin Murder Squad with no plans to go back—until an urgent telephone call summons her to a grisly crime scene. The victim looks exactly like Cassie and carries ID identifying herself as Alexandra Madison, an alias Cassie once used as an undercover cop. Cassie must discover not only who killed this girl, but, more important, who was this girl?

it is part of a sort of series but it isn’t necessary to read the other books, though they’re great. I also recommend Broken Harbour from that series. similar to The Secret History.

tw: murder, one brief scene of homophobia by a main character’s family

Entangled Life: How Fungi Make Our Worlds, Change Our Minds & Shape Our Futures by Merlin Sheldrake

When we think of fungi, we likely think of mushrooms. But mushrooms are only fruiting bodies, analogous to apples on a tree. Most fungi live out of sight, yet make up a massively diverse kingdom of organisms that supports and sustains nearly all living systems. Fungi provide a key to understanding the planet on which we live, and the ways we think, feel, and behave. In Entangled Life, the biologist Merlin Sheldrake shows us the world from a fungal point of view. Sheldrake's exploration takes us from yeast to psychedelics, to the fungi that range for miles underground and are the largest organisms on the planet, to those that link plants together in complex networks known as the "Wood Wide Web," to those that infiltrate and manipulate insect bodies with devastating precision.

tw: will make you stare at the mushrooms at the grocery store for an ungodly amount of time

#book recs #mailbox

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wewererogue · 5 years ago

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A lot of the knives you post are super cool looking but how usable are they? Would a rogue have a filigreed dagger in real life? What blade does your Iconic character use? Also I would love to see some ranged weapons as not all rogues like to be close to their target

Great questions, anon! This deserves a loooong answer.

Are the fancy daggers usable? Generally yes. Most of them are status symbols of some sort, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get the job done. Perhaps a handful of them are ceremonial or ornamental. Rule of thumb: if the blade is sharp and serviceable, and the hilt isn’t a weird novelty shape which can’t be reasonably gripped, they are very much usable, as tools and/or weapons.

Miniature Ottoman gem-set dagger (11.7 cm. long), 19th c., an object of art.

Spanish parrying dagger, c. 1675, real fancy, 100% usable.

Would a rogue carry such a fancy dagger in real life? It depends on what counts as a rogue in real life. If you’re picturing low-class petty thieves scraping a living in the urban underworld, they probably wouldn’t walk around with gem-encrusted daggers. Poor people in general wouldn’t have access to expensive items like that, and if they somehow did (say, illegally), they would rather sell them than carry them and be compromised.

The slums - Assassin’s Creed Syndicate concept by Hugo Pazzuoli

Most of them wouldn’t have a dagger at all. (The violence of the criminal underworld has been systematically exaggerated in the legal records and the press/literature.) They would carry a small knife as a tool, much like everyone carried a knife, and its quality would depend on their income. They might use it to cut a purse, though most pickpockets relied solely on their deft fingers and misdirection. And those who weren’t above violence would generally carry a knife or a sword (laws/social norms permitting) or a big stick.

So couldn’t a blade be a status symbol for low-status people? Oh, it most definitely could. But what type of blade depended on the situation. Any Spaniard would prize his or her fancy navaja - except that “fancy” in this instance doesn’t mean covered in gems and gold, just well-made and pretty, and maybe with an inscription that drips with bravado. (“Valour!” “I am from Seville!” “Don’t open me without a reason and don’t close me without honour.”)

Navaja, Albacete, Spain, 1883

Most Ottomans couldn’t afford a silver yatagan (i.e. with an intricately engraved silver scabbard and hilt), but a well-made sturdy knife with a bone handle and a few decorative touches was widely accessible. In many cultures, gifting a good knife to a teenager (usually, but not always, a boy) is a rite-of-passage custom that goes way back, and isn’t limited to rich kids.

Turkish yatagan, silver hilt and scabbard, 18th c.

Bosnian bichaq, bone hilt, Ottoman period

In Venice and Florence, bravos were considered lowlife thugs, but that didn’t stop them from carrying intricate daggers and stilettos. Indeed, stilettos got a bad rap as “dishonourable” weapons because bravos were using them to stab people. (In contrast, nobles and soldiers stabbed people with rapiers, swords, and impunity.)

Stiletto, Italy, 17th c.

The baselard became so popular in England at some point that it was considered a standard accessory for urban dwellers, regardless of class. So in contexts like this, a low-class rogue could easily carry a special, beautiful knife or dagger - though not obscenely expensive.

Baselard

That said, rogues aren’t exclusively low-class or urban. Hotheaded gentlemen from England were one bankruptcy away from becoming highwaymen, and then they’d carry whatever swords and daggers (and guns) were available to their class. Rowdy European noblemen who kept stabbing each other in duels might be considered swashbucklers. Courtiers and courtesans could easily be portrayed as Charisma-based rogues, and some of them weren’t above backstabbing/poisoning the competition. Rural brigands and bandits came from all walks of life, from rich and powerful families/clans to dirt-poor farmers and shepherds, and they prized their fancy knives either way.

The yatagan of the notorious Greek bandit Fotis Yagoulas

So in conclusion, the fancy knives and daggers I post aren’t exactly representative of Rogue weapons… but they’re not wildly irrelevant either. The most expensive ones are courtly daggers or presentation daggers, and it’d take some creativity to place them in the hands of a Rogue. And the majority of Rogues remains sadly under-represented, for practical reasons: low-class items don’t often find their way in museums and collections, and unlike gold and silver, a simple wooden handle will decompose over time. That said, lots of roguish folks have carried blades that are similar, at least in some regard, to these fancy knives. We just have to figure out the right context.

Plus, I’m super interested in the ethnographic aspect of this - if that’s the correct term. (Is it? Help, native speakers!) I mean, I like imagining Rogues, and I’d like to help others imagine Rogues, from all kinds of different places and cultures. Rogues and Fighters are universal classes out of the box. Nothing compels us to stick to imagery and inspiration from a small corner of the earth for anything, but for Rogues in particular it would be a crying shame. The Chinese have a whole epic for their bandits. The Mediterranean, all three continents around it, has been swarming with thieves for thousands of years, and yes, I’m proud of that. Brazil had cangaceiros, Ireland had rapparees, the Balkans had hajduks, Japan really had ninjas (though not in what’s usually recognisable as ninja attire). Arabic literature was the first to treat rogues as (anti-)heroes centuries before the idea appeared in Spain and then flourished in England. And pretty much everyone under the sun has a folk hero / Robin Hood figure who stole from the rich and gave to the poor.

Basically, the main point of posting knives and daggers from all over the globe is that roguish inspiration can indeed come from all over the globe, and I think that’s awesome.

On my iconic: Naddiyah’s city was heavily inspired by Ottoman era Algiers, and her dagger of choice comes from a little bit to the west: the Moroccan koummya.

As for what I post here, oh, this is the archive. I’m trying to collect posts from my old blog, which was sadly deleted. If it occasionally floods your dashboard with a specific topic, it’s because I’m trying to recreate a whole tag or something. Sorry! The new Rogue blog is @theoutcastrogue. You’re right though, I have neglected ranged weapons. What do you prefer? Bows? Crossbows? I’m taking orders*. :D

super fancy steel crossbow, France, c. 1720

*without specifying delivery time because gah, this is a BUSY time

#long post #correspondence #tools of the trade #theory #trs

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thismightbeaterribleidea · 4 years ago

Text

FAQ

Hello! So, during a global pandemic and at the beginning of what will probably be a long and severe recession, at the age of 40 and with basically no knowledge of how automobiles work, I’m going to live in a van.

This might be a terrible idea. Hence, I’m calling my blog This Might Be A Terrible Idea.

If you’re reading this, I imagine it’s because you know me, so I’ll skip the introduction. I like a good FAQ, so let’s start there.

FAQ

Where are you going? Short answer: I don’t know!

Long answer: I’ll probably primarily split my time between Colorado/northern New Mexico, Maryland/Pennsylvania, and Florida. I want to stay as low-budget as I can and also avoid crowds during the pandemic. So whenever possible, I’ll opt for free, dispersed sites in national forests, state forests, BLM (which I now read as Black Lives Matter but here it’s the less-important acronym, Bureau of Land Management), state game lands, etc. I’ll pop into a developed campground every now and then to refill the water tanks, empty the portable toilet, and take a shower.

What kind of van do you have? In late June, I bought a 2007 Ford E250 with a high roof. In its first life, it was actually an Embassy Suites hotel shuttle, so when I got it, it had SO MANY SEATS. After it retired from the hotel biz, it went to a guy who owned a brewery and used the van for ski trips. Then he eventually traded it to a friend’s college-aged son in exchange for lawn-mowing work. This young man was actually going to make it into a camper too but didn’t have time, so he sold it to me.

I got the van for a very low price ($2000) because it’s really high mileage — almost 300,000. It also has a few issues: the dashboard, power windows, and radio only work sometimes. The doors are creaky and don’t like to close. There are splatters of paint (?) on the inside of the driver’s door. The air conditioning wasn’t working. And the interior is pretty beat up.

With help from my brother who actually knows about cars, I recharged the air conditioning. A new, functional instrument cluster is on the way. And the type of engine in this van (5.4L V8) supposedly has a reputation for being extremely durable. If I get a couple of good years out of this vehicle, I’ll be happy.

How are you going to afford this? A few years ago, I paid $4200 for an acre of land in the San Luis Valley, a few hours from Denver. I hoped to eventually put a little camper on it and make a very low-budget part-time home. But a few months after I bought the land, the county changed its rules to prohibit living in campers or mobile homes for more than a couple of weeks at a time. So the camper idea went out the window, and in June, I sold that land for $5000. This was my funding to buy the van and associated stuff. I’m going to try to keep the initial total cost of the van (vehicle, repairs, materials for the interior, solar installation) to about $6000.

I’m incredibly fortunate to be in a position where I don’t have to choose between my job and a weird nomadic lifestyle. About a year ago, I went full-time freelance as an editor and writer. So I’m self-employed and I work from home. I don’t even need the internet that much — aside from checking email, file downloads/uploads, and occasional googling for research and editing questions, I can be mostly offline. Also incredibly fortunate: the pandemic hasn’t affected my work, at least not so far.

I’ll have new and unexpected expenses: food will be more expensive, I’ll have to pay for campgrounds sometimes, the van will need gas and repairs and oil and new tires, and then I’ll want to make livability improvements (like insulation). But I hope that I’ll be able to cover all of that while still living within my means.

Aren’t you selling your condo? Why don’t you get a newer/lower mileage/already converted van? Yes, I am (fingers crossed that the sale goes through) selling my condo in Denver. But I also have no savings, no retirement fund, no emergency fund. And the recession is just getting started… the whole future seems pretty uncertain. I’d feel better if I kept as much of the condo money in the bank as possible, even if that means having a crappier van.

Don’t you worry about safety? Absolutely. I’m a worrying person. I worry a lot! But if I responded to those worries by not going anywhere alone, staying in only developed campgrounds, etc., then I’d have missed out on some of the best experiences in my life, and I’d never go much of anywhere at all.

To stay safe in a van, I’ll use the same approach I use for solo car camping. If a place feels sketchy, I go somewhere else. To avoid trouble from bears, I try not to get food on the ground, do food prep and brush teeth away from the vehicle, and keep the car doors locked when I’m away and at night. To avoid trouble from bros, I try to stay out of sight. I pick spots and set up my campsite so that people passing by mostly just see the vehicle and not me or my single chair or small tent. I have bear spray, which stays in arm’s reach when I’m out hiking and at night, and I have a sharp knife, which is always pretty accessible too.

In fact, safety is why I chose a van over a truck with a camper, which actually would have been preferable. If a truck ever had recurring or expensive mechanical problems, I could just get a new truck and put the camper on it — but with a van, I’ll either have to do the expensive repairs or get a new van and re-do the whole interior. And if I wanted to stay in one place for a while, I could take the camper off and just drive the truck around, saving on gas and wear and tear. But with a truck camper, if I were ever inside the camper and felt unsafe, I’d have to *go outside* and then get into the truck cab in order to leave. With a van, if things start feeling sketchy, I can just hop in the driver’s seat and go.

(Side note: It’s upsetting and frustrating to me that these safety concerns and choices are so linked to gender. Of course men also need to think about safety when they’re out camping alone, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had to think about it at least 200% as much as my equivalent 40-year-old non-threatening-looking out-of-shape single dude.)

If we’re talking about safety from non-sentient threats — bad weather, injuries, mechanical breakdowns, etc. — then I…

a) try not to get into situations that I can’t get out of — whether it’s a too-rugged road, a too-steep trail, or a spot that is likely to turn into a mud pit if it rains. I also think about whether I could walk to get help if I needed to. b) have some basic safety and first aid stuff. Tape, gauze, and a mylar blanket for me; jumper cables and a portable air compressor for the car. c) have a Triple A membership in case I need a tow.

The van came with a handy fire extinguisher strapped to the driver’s seat. To reduce the possibility of being unable to call for help if I get stuck somewhere, I eventually plan to get a cell phone signal booster.

The fire extinguisher or even my bear spray won’t keep me safe from COVID-19. But like I mentioned, I’m trying to stay as far away from crowds as possible. To cut down on contact when resupplying, I’ve got storage for 10 gallons of water (I’m actually going to expand this to 15) and plan to carry enough food for a month. Unless there’s a mechanical problem or breakdown (definitely my biggest concern), I should be able to drive coast to coast while remaining in a relatively firm bubble. The riskiest thing I’ll *have* to do is refuel at gas pumps, but I can pick gas stations that seem less crowded, refuel in smaller towns rather than busy highway rest areas, and go at quieter times of day.

Does your van have air conditioning? Nope! Well, it has the standard vehicle AC, but that only works while the van is running, and most of the time I’ll be parked. There are AC units that can go on top of campers and vans, but they use a ton of power: either you have to be plugged in to shore power at a campground, use a gas-powered generator, or have a million solar panels and batteries. I’m going to get a good roof vent and fan installed, plus maybe put some smaller battery-powered fans in the windows, so that will hopefully keep me from getting heatstroke in the summer.

Does it have running water? Nope! Right now, I have a portable foot-pump sink and a self-contained portable toilet. I plan to eventually build a nicer/bigger sink. I’m also going to order a collapsible tub so I can do sponge baths or use a solar shower (a black vinyl bag that heats up in the sun and has a hose attached). Swimming in freshwater lakes will need to become a bigger part of my life. I’ll probably be a little stinky at times, but people should be social distancing anyway, so if anyone can smell me, they’re way too close.

Does it have electricity? It will! I’m planning to have one large solar panel and a lithium battery installed. (For those who are curious, it’s a 315 watt solar panel with a 100 AH battery.) This will power the roof fan, my laptop, my phone, some plug-in lights, and eventually also built-in lights, the cell phone signal booster, and maybe a small fridge or cooler. The solar power system is going to outlast the van and will be easily switchable to my next vehicle.

Wait. “Maybe” a fridge? What are you going to eat? Ummm… I’ll figure it out? I eat like a scavenging raccoon, so I’m not too picky. I bought a bunch of freeze-dried legume-based soup and stew mixes from Harmony House, some high-protein shake mix from Huel, and I plan to stock rice, quinoa, peanut butter, oatmeal, hard cheese, packaged salmon and tuna, and dried fruit. If I’m driving, I’ll probably also keep an eye out for farm stands and grab some produce that will keep unrefrigerated for a few days. During the pandemic, I’ve been using support for local businesses as a way of justifying takeout or delivery once or twice a week, so I’ll probably keep doing that when I pass through developed areas.

Can you poop in your van? Does it smell? Yes to the first! I haven’t, um, tested it out yet. But after road trip in my sedan in May, when I had to go into a scary (no one wearing masks or social distancing) gas station in Colorado Springs, bathroom and hand-washing facilities for the van became a priority. Right now the portable toilet is just sort of hanging out in the open, but I’m going to build a plywood box to contain it. I did pee in it a bunch during my inaugural camping trip, and I’m happy to report that the chemicals I added to the tank made it not smell gross while also not producing an overwhelming chemical smell.

How will you get the internet? Unlimited data plan FTW! I recently figured out that I can use my phone as a mobile hotspot and connect to it with my laptop. It’s not fast, but it’ll do what I need it to. And I should be able to have connectivity even in more remote areas after I get a signal booster.

Won’t you get tired of living in a tiny space? Maybe. I do have some good practice, though. In the last decade, I’ve gone from living in a 700-square-foot condo (Denver) to a 400-ish-square-foot studio apartment (New Jersey; grad school) to my childhood room in my parents’ house (Maryland; post-grad-school student loan debt). Each time, I’ve gotten rid of stuff, even things it’s painful to get rid of: old books, childhood knickknacks, cassette tapes, drawings, horse show ribbons I remember winning, cutlery and glassware I got as housewarming gifts.

I also tend to feel really at home in my car. I’ve napped in my car, drafted novels in my car, had long and meaningful conversations in my car, had existential crises in my car, eaten hundreds of meals in my car. Car = house makes sense to me. And I hope to be staying in places where I have access to big and engaging outdoor spaces.

What will you do after you live in a van for a while? I have no idea. There are definitely things that I want to do — write fiction, build my career, be more involved with community/communities, get healthier, be a better human — but all of those things are geographically nonspecific. And everything both personally and nationally feels so up in the air. I could end up living in a van for a year, or five, or ten. I might eventually buy a house or a boat or a farm, or settle down somewhere (I don’t know where) in a more permanent way. But I’m not making plans for any of that, and I’m not making plans for an “after.”

I think that’s it for the FAQ! If you have any questions, let me know and I will address them in a later LFAQ (Less Frequently Asked Questions).

Also, please bear with me because I don’t really know how Tumblr works. If you want to start reading, start FROM THE BOTTOM.

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phantomphangphucker · 5 years ago

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A King For Tonight’s Fentertainment - Chap. 4: With Fashion He Shows His Passion

Summary: Danny's shown them part of who he is, he's told them part of who he is, his Knight is practically shouting it at them. So why's it so hard for them to believe that he's a king and that he cares?

Danny nods and jumps away, cape slashing through the air dramatically, from the group of humans some. Quickly being followed by the Fright Knight, who also flares his cape dramatically, before standing to the side and behind Danny; Nightmare coming up behind the Fright Knight. Danny turns to face the group of humans, with a shit-eating grin, “yeah I’m the damn Ghost King. Which, since I still think you’re missing this, means king of ghosts”.

Dash can’t help but snap, staring at the weird-ass kid legit looking like a king with his knight flanking him, “well no shit Fentuns 'o fun, still don’t buy you being any kind of king. Or having any kind of authority over any kingdom”.

Red adds in, “especially a ghost one”.

Danny tilts his head to the side and groans, muttering to himself, “fucking humans. For Phantom's sake”.

“You know sire, most kings don’t use their own name as a swear”, Danny just snorts and chuckles at the Fright Knights comment. Danny looks back to the humans and shakes his head as the Fright Knight addresses them, “you misunderstand his highness. It goes back to what the young king said previously. “the” And “a” do not carry the same gravity or prestige”.

Dash mutters, “the fuck does that mean”.

While Danny nods, speaking again, “I am The Ghost King, not just a ghost king”. Danny stretches his arms over his head and clasps his hands behind his head, making the cape bunch up around his neck, the flames curling together and blazing erratically. Danny smirks, “A king means someone who rules a kingdom. A community, selection, bunch, collection of people or species. The king means someone who rules the entirety of a species”.

Nightmare stomps a hoof on the ground and snorts. While the Fright Knight nods, speaking, “in layman’s terms, ghost ruling titles are based on where they rule. A ghost queen of the Terabina kingdom would be called the Terabina Queen. His majesty’s title is The Ghost King, because his kingdom encompasses the whole of the Ghost Realm. Simply stated, he rules all ghosts and every single existing ghost bends to his command”. Danny nods and gives a goofy smile, aiming to soften the blow and not have his humans blow up at him.

Unsurprisingly, one of the agents is the first to speak up. Agent G snaps, swinging an arm around wildly, “but he’s a human! A child human at that! A, clearly, horribly ghostly indoctrinated one but all the same!”.

“That matters not, it was his by right. He simply had to claim it”, the Fright Knight turns to Danny, “even if it took many moons for his highness to claim his throne”. The Fright Knight flicks his gaze back to the agent and bellows, “AND TAINTED HIS MIND IS NOT. HE IS SIMPLY FREE FROM FAULTY UNDERSTANDINGS OF EITHER OF THE TWO GREAT REALMS. SOMETHING THAT THE LIKES OF YOU HAVE CLEARLY NOT BEEN GRACED WITH SO”.

Danny shrugs, cape bunching up around his neck again, “what he said, and ask anyone, teens don’t exactly jump at the chance for responsibilities ...or life complications, for that matter”, smirking, “but all the same, it’s my place and a grand one it is. I’d take no other in my place”.

Fright Knight nods strongly, “nor would I. You are plenty fair and are one of few humans lacking biases. Regardless of your blood, you regard your subjects with affections and true thought”.

Danny can’t help but blush at the praise, “it’s what’s right, nothing more. Who I am has never been one to hate unjustly or universally”.

“You are far too humble, your highness. You care, and that’s more than the kings of old”. Danny kind of hates how true the Fright Knights statement is, most ghost kings were less than kind or good.

Maddie jumps in, “our boy is just protecting his town and the people here! He is not doing anything for you filthy creatures!”.

Both Danny and the Fright Knight shake their heads, but Danny does so with a sigh; grumbling all the while, “this is just fucking dandy, perfectly peachy. Ancients end me”, before turning his head to look directly at Maddie, “you’re wrong, mom”.

Maddie stares at him before shaking her head, choosing to ignore her son in favour of insulting and chewing out the, adult, ghost, “and how dare you lay claim to my son! By placing some ghost title on him and binding him to your emotionless dimension!”. Danny tilts his head back, “it’s more of a Zone and it’s called a Realm...officially anyway”. Danny’s not even sure she heard him as Maddie just continues ranting.

Danny gets an unpleasant reminder of the GIW presence when agent L snaps, “you freaks must be using the boy for access to our world!”.

The Fright Knight scoffs, “hardly, we need no human for access to your living Human Realm”, turning to Maddie as Nightmare, much to Danny’s amusement, kicks agent L, “he was neither binded nor demanded his royal grandeur. As I have already made apparent, his lordship claimed his title. There was no force of hand and none would dare partake in such actions when dealing with anyone of whom hand and head be worthy of the Ghost Realms infinite depths of power”.

Red shakes her head and pointedly avoids the Fright Knight as she moves to stand next to Danny. Danny watches as she rubs a bit of the cape in her fingers, clearly avoiding the flames though. Red looks up from the cape to Danny’s watchful face, while he smiles softly at her, “batshit crazy huh?”. Red squints at him, “that’s an understatement Danny. What the fuck? How can a human? How do you have this? This claim or whatever?”.

Dash storms up a bit, “better question Fen-tertainment Tonight, if you’re this damn big shot Ghost King then why the hell don’t you just order all these ghosts to fuck off?”. Dash’s question causes both agents and Maddie to stop their verbal tirades, looking to Danny.

Maddie scrunching up her eyebrows some before nodding at Danny, “yes, yes you should be able to do that. It still makes no sense and no filthy dimension of post-human consciousness should be infesting my boy with its ectofilth. But you, you could use this couldn’t you?”.

Danny rubs his neck awkwardly, “seriously, just say Zone or Realm”, before putting his hands up, motioning for them to quiet down. Sighing, “can and will aren’t the same. Could and should. Not gonna do that. By ‘that’ I mean the whole telling the ghosties to fuck off. It’s not my fault if Dashie can’t handle his days being made a bit spooktacular. That’s whatcha get for living in a partly unliving town. A town full of a fantasma of ectoplasma”, Danny internally groans at the slight glare from Maddie. Tilting his head back and groaning exaggeratedly, “mom, sure the ghosties make living here, interesting, but it’s hardly some immediate issue. Plus, it’s part of Amity’s charm”, Danny jabs a finger at the two agents, “if anything, the colour white makes for a hell of a lot more black and blue. Because they’re twats. Ghost hating, uninformed, backwards, unworldly, benighted, white suit scum. I may be in league with the dead, but those fucksticks are dead from the neck up”.

Danny talks to Red right over the GIW agents grumblings, “and the fuck is right. Quite the thing to be walking along, doin my own freak shit”, glancing at Dash, “I’ll take freaks over teddy bears any day”. Looking back to Red, “then what do I hear? What caresses and tickles my ears? Ghostly asses muttering about my kingliness”, tapping his chin, “well princeliness at the time”, shrugging, “that shit threw me through a loop more blazingly hard to fathom than my crown that alights my head with its flames”.

“Wait, you mean you weren’t even told? You just...overheard shit? And then decided, fuck it, and just went all Ghost King?”, Red’s jaw drops as Danny nods. While agent L snaps, “no human should be a ghost prince or king! You must be infected by some ghostly thing! You-”.

Danny cuts the guy off by snapping, “y’all are just pissy I’m all enlightened and shit. That I know and have access to what you don’t. That, when it comes to ghosts, I have real sway and say. That I can make real plays and forays. That I have the ability to easily slay and flay ghostly ass”.

Mr. Lancer mutters, “why does he not show this kind of rhyming and wordplay in class?”. Danny, having easily heard him, “cause it’s not funny using it in class. Right now, it’s fucking hilarious”. Danny points at the fuming agents, “anything that pisses them off is side-splitting”. While Red pokes at him, shaking her head, “how does a human even claim a ghost throne?!? How does one even be able to be able to claim it?”.

“Uh, ask nicely?”, Danny shrugs, “but really, sit on the throne you have claim over. Bare the weight of your crown and open yourself up to the power it all grants you”. Danny lifts up his hand and flicks the Ring of Suffering, “in The Ghost King case, wield the pain and embodiment, or whatever, of your life’s defining unpleasant shit. A defining feature of your life that you do or gotta overcome, but will always be a thing in whatever bullshit existence you happen to have”.

Maddie stutters, “p-pain? Unpleasant? Danny, what do you mean? This hurts you?”, Maddie shakes her head, “that doesn’t even explain how you have a claim, ghost prince? How? Why? The living shouldn’t have such a title”.

Nightmare snorts, leaning their head almost protectively overtop of Danny’s. While the Fright Knight claps Danny on the shoulder, “might is a burden, and his grace’s might is grandiose. Any title of the royals is one carrying might, and power granted always has its draws”.

Danny nods and points at his ring, “represents a large aspect of my existence that I must be better than. Deal with like a colossal champ. Overwhelmingly overcome. Be a spectral survivor of whatever bullshit. Sooo. Unpleasant, displeasing, irksome, troublesome, annoying; kinda all part of the duty. This is the Ring of Suffering after all. Kinda means I suffer a lot in my existence and will continue to”. Multiple people instantly turn to glare at Dash, and Danny’s not about to correct the aim of their blame.

“You bare it grandly, as is expected from one of such excellency. Pariah’s ill-handling of his rage only exemplifies your true right to rule”, the Fright Knight turns to Red, “his great lordship was the one in line to take the crown. Such was he at the fall of the ensnared mad king. One of whom even thousand years of cursed sleep could not make capable of quelling his unpleasantry that was his rage and wrath. The battered deranged one held his place as The Ghost King no more. So as such, the right to rule was granted true to a young merciful one. His state of living being inconsequential. His splendours grant him worthy of his dignitaries, for he is a luminary one”. Danny mutters, “you are way too much of a knight. Are you trying to bury me in wordy praises?”.

Red smirks, a bit uncomfortably, at Danny, “this is starting to sound like a religion”. Danny chuckles, “he likes embellishing his words. Pretty sure it makes him feel all high and mighty or some shit”.

“One of my standing should sound as such”, the Fright Knight nods curtly to emphasise his statement. Earning a smirk from Danny, “oh? And what of the one above you, my frightful knight?”. Red can’t help but snort as the Fright Knight stiffens some, “you, my liege, by you’re reverence alone make any words spoken suiting”.

Danny laughs, patting the Fright Knight on the back almost aggressively, “nice save, Frightmare”. Danny grumbles to himself, “now to save all these idiots...and two extra idiots who need to be drowned in pomegranate juice, red wine, blood, and tomato sauce”.

While Red grimaces, “that would smell awful”.

Danny glances around, catching Dash pretty well tearing his hair out over Danny being royalty. GIW throwing insults at ghosts but mostly at Danny, with Maddie snapping back at them with almost concerning levels of aggression. Mr. Lancer and a few other teachers look like they’re gonna cry from the lack of order. Danny turns his head skyward, grumbling, “I really should get everyone out of here before something stupid happens. Which I’m sure it will anyway”.

“Well that’s pessimistic”, Red shoves him before muttering near his ear, cringing a little as his capes collars cold flames dance over her shoulder slightly, “the only reason I’m not de-suiting is your mom, you know. Well, that and everyone’s attention on you is saving me from twenty-one questions”.

Danny makes a pouty face, grumbling, “glad my suffering could be helpful...but you know what you could do in return?”. Red instantly frowns, slightly nervous about what the strange highly unpredictable, and apparently royal, boy might request. Danny smirks as he continues, “you cool your shit. Chill out with the ghost hating. Put the biases on ice. At least give the ones who ain’t causing a problem the cold shoulder instead of going all blazing fire and fury on ‘em. I don’t expect you to not be frosty to the ghosties through”. Danny runs a hand through the flames, patting at them before looking back to Red, a bit bashfully. Flicking his eyes upward, “they are my subjects after all. Kinda hard for me to not find the whole, mass ghost hating and destroy everything ectoplasmic, mind set...you know, bad. As much as my aliveness might still be a thing, and my unlivedness”, chuckling, “I mean, inexperience, as a king might be a thing. You being all Miss destructo murdersuit, isn’t really over lookable if something funky happened. Monkeys or no monkeys”.

“That...that was a really weird way to ask me to play nice, well nicer. And monkeys?”, Red shakes her head, “I mean I guess”, Red chuckles and punches Danny’s shoulder playfully, “you have to treat them all kind and shit, so if Mr. Ran away from all ghosts, can tolerate the non-aggressors I can too”.

Danny smirks as he swirls his fingers in the air, making a portal and pulling through an apple. Taking a bite of it before speaking, “funky alone is just weird, but funky monkey is just plain crazy”, swallowing harshly, “and I’d like to think so. Not every hunter here has drowned their clothing in enough bleach to fry all their brain cells, after all. But I don’t have to be kind and I don’t simply tolerate”, shrugging, “okay, some I do just tolerate”, pointing the apple at Red, “I care for, have fondness for, enjoy the company of, find plenty of merriment with, ghosts. My kingdom, dominion or whatever, the Ghost Zone, Ghost Realm. I do care. I do protect it, them; this big clusterfuck that makes for a dead species and world”.

Danny pulls a second apple through the portal before closing it. Whipping the apple at agent G without breaking eye contact with Red, “and the GIW have long made themselves an enemy, trying to blow the whole place up isn’t really something friendly”. Danny smiles while Red gapes at him, “rather not have you as an enemy as well”. Danny mutters under his breath, “or my parents for that matter, but I somehow doubt they’ll really listen to me. I’m just a teen and their kid after all”. Danny knows full well they’ll probably order him to cut it the fuck out. But he won’t, obviously. Danny smirks again, holding up the first, and now half-eaten, apple, “this is a red delicious by the way”. Earning a slug in the shoulder from Red.

The two laugh a bit before both realise they’re being stared at, by pretty well all the humans. Danny sighs, “oh now what? I guess it was high time someone took a piss on my semi pleasant day”.

The Fright Knight leans over, “they’ve been watchful ever since you ever so casually created a small portal, for something so mundane as sustenance”. The Fright Knight isn’t about to add on that his highness clearly did so purely for some jokes, his majesty was a jester of a king after all.

Danny chuckles, “heh”, shrugging, “we really should, you know, go”. With a huff, Danny flops down to sit cross-legged. Hiding his smirk with a hand as multiple people look up and nod, many gulping nervously. But Danny glares at the GIW agents as they look to each other and nod, obviously forming some kind of plan. And their plans were always stupid or just unpleasant. Danny squints at them, annoyed, as they address him, “you’ll be coming with us. Far too ghostly to be allowed uncontained”.

Danny snorts, “no I will not. Go ahead and try though. You couldn’t catch this eldritch ass even if I didn’t fight back or summon my army to brutalise your asses”. Danny points lazily at the men, “I have a good four million super-powered dead fucks at my becking call, or whatever. And that’s just my army, many of my allies have armies of their own. You’d have better chances of catching the swine flu, the Black Plague, and rabies all at once than capturing or arresting me”.

The Fright Knight nods and steps forward, bellowing, “YOU WILL MAKE NO SUCH ACTIONS AGAINST HIS ROYAL PROVIDENCE. SHOULD YOU DISOBEY, IN THE PLACE OF WHICH HIS MAJESTY IS SOVEREIGN, I SHALL TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN STRIKING FEAR INTO YOUR BEINGS. THE HIGH GHOST KING AS HE MAY BE, IS BEYOND YOUR MORTAL LAWS. YOU AND YOUR KINDS RULE HAVE NO CLAIMS TO HIS HIGHNESS”. The Fright Knight flies quickly to bring his blade directly to the necks of the men, making both shriek, “I suggest that once my liege, in all his merciful splendour, returns you to your realm. That you take your leave and BE GONE”.

Danny gets back up, watching in case things go to grade A shit. While the Fright Knight steps back, sensing the warning in his kings' posture. Only for Maddie to storm over, “I can defend my son perfectly well and better than you, ghost”. Maddie turns on the, still startled, agents, “you dare, DARE, lay a hand on my boy and I will dump so much red wine all over every inch of you that everything white that ever touches you again will instantly be stained pink! Then I will chase you publicly with the Fenton creep stick until you run off to suck your mommies thumbs!”.

The Fright Knight looks back to Danny, pointing at Maddie, “I find myself of like mind with her”. Danny chuckles, relaxing, “so you’re kindred spirits in the name of my defence”. Maddie glares distrustfully at the Fright Knight before returning to giving death glares at the agents.

Agent G snaps, somewhat nervously, “human, underaged and your son regardless; he’s an ectothreat! This can not be allow-”. He gets cut off by loud banging and explosions out in the distance of the vast of the Ghost Zone. While Danny mutters, “no shit I’mma ectothreat, I literally just said that. Like really, kinda obvious at this point. Shit don’t fucking matter though”.

The Fright Knight only looks towards the sounds for a second before walking next to Danny, “that’s right sire, I originally sought you out to inform you of the return to warring between the Xercti nation and Herencotton clans. However, I do find it is highly improbable that this skirmish could become any form of all-encompassing or eradicating in nature. All the same, word of the Far Frozen becoming skittish of their lands being encroached upon isn’t in short supply”.

Danny nods strongly, tapping his chin, “put in a request for ColdStep to move the Frost Blazes land warning marker, to be placed a half moons flight away from the Wrought Crystal Silk Road’s entrance and to the left of the Levina Whistler. As well as placing a watchers talisman on the marker yourself”, Danny snaps his fingers, “oh, and I’ll go light the Defted Lands on fire in a couple days. That ought to avoid them straying their cannon fire too far towards Silfee territory”.

The Fright Knight kneels, bowing deeply, “as you request, my king”, standing back up before bowing again, “you endeavourings fit the flavours of belittlement, brazen comedy and wild absurdity; like always”. Danny chuckles, “yup, and ain’t the Defted lands gonna be ripened to vapour wines shortly. Funny thing that’ll be, anyone still fighting will suddenly find themselves far too drunk to aim”.

The Fright Knight barks a laugh, “most assuredly”. The Fright Knight turns back to face the two agents, “and you, living mortals, regardless of where my presence be, or the presence of my eminence. You shall be cut down for your desired disgracing actions, should you act on them. And, for your given contempt towards the great highness, you will be allotted no mercy should such events come to fruition”.

The Fright Knight only chooses to dignify them with the sight of his glaring for a little longer before returning his attention to his majesty. Swiftly hopping onto Nightmare’s back, “at your graces call I shall always be, my servitude is granted yours keep. Frosted death keep thee and, for thy alone, life’s bite keep thee marked. Till many moons and under you high king sway, High Ghost King”.

Danny tilts his head down slightly, “blazing death keep thee and life’s bite never mark thee. Till lesser moons and under thine oath, High Dread Knight Fright Knight, High Steed Nightmare”.

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permian-tropos · 6 years ago

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Gallius Rax is Alive If I Want Him To Be: a forced analysis of “The Starship Graveyard” from The Legends of Luke Skywalker

One of the short stories, from the anthology series of probably apocryphal, second or even third hand accounts of Luke Skywalker, is about the Battle of Jakku. This is a story that was “passed from teller to teller” and was originally told by an imperial officer. It could be all fiction, or based on some true event. Bits of it could have been changed in retellings.

In my humbol opinyon the character believed to be Luke could actually be Rax, if he survived his injuries, possibly by supernatural means. If it were him, he’s clearly been changed by the experience and is trying to atone for his evil.

A lot of the Legends of Luke are clearly about Luke, whether they’re true or not. But this story has a character presumed to be Luke who actually acts very unlike Luke in personality, and isn’t doing anything Luke would be doing if he really were there at the Battle of Jakku.

TL;DR: A young imperial officer, after his ship crashes on Jakku, is rescued by a mysterious scavenger who is extremely resourceful and knowledgeable about survival on Jakku, and takes the officer to the secret base Rax commands from in Empire’s End. The officer thinks he’s met Luke Skywalker. The strongest piece of evidence in favor of it being Rax is that the man is able to access Rax’s own quarters at the base, when no one else from a large group of scavengers is able to get in. Also, symbolically and thematically, the officer believes certain things about the man (as Luke) that come very close to the truth of Rax’s role in the battle.

Let’s go over the story. The protagonist is a young Imperial gunner on his first tour of duty. He describes the battle as intended to be a “textbook grand battle, a confrontation between the good of order and the evil of anarchy.” This is in line with the speech Rax gives to rally the troops. It’s possible then that this character has seen Rax as a hologram giving that speech, but since Rax prefers to be cryptic and hidden, and he changed his title from fleet admiral to “Counselor to the Empire” before taking the fleet to Jakku, and the protagonist later suggests he is unfamiliar with the desert landscape, it stands to reason he wasn’t part of the initial fleet that Rax brought with him and “sharpened” through exposure to Jakku’s harsh environment. His ship might have arrived late, for the battle itself. So we could imagine he wouldn’t know Gallius Rax if he met him.

At some point in the battle, his ship is damaged and starts to crash. The protagonist hits his head on a console.

I mentioned earlier that this man (let’s call him POV Guy) might have only seen Rax as a hologram. He’s already injured, not able to see well. This might have actually been a hologram of Luke, but since this story was told and retold, who knows? The man in the hologram could have resembled the man POV Guy meets, and POV Guy believes he met Luke, and the story rearranges itself from there.

POV Guy sees some strange things, watching the battle through the windows from his spot on the floor: it seems like the hologram is firing bolts of energy at the Imperial ships.

My assumption will eventually be that the man POV Guy meets is not Luke. The hologram could have been of Luke, with POV Guy seeing a very vague resemblance (he doesn’t even see hologram Luke’s face). The image of the hooded figure with a featureless oval for a face reminds me more of the Sentinel droids, the Palpatine-bots who help carry out the contingency plan. As opposed to a wanted poster of Luke, or a fragment of Rax’s speech, could a hologram of one of the Palp-bots be what the man was actually seeing?

Anyway, whatever this guy sees leaves an impression on him that has more vibes of Palpatine’s contingency than Luke Skywalker, because POV Guy, right before the ship finally hits the ground, winds up believing the battle was “not a fair fight” because of some magical interference by the hologram man. And he’s right, the battle was a ruse and the Empire ships were meant to be destroyed along with the rest of the planet by ancient Sith magic as part of the Contingency. So POV Guy seems to grasp something about the battle, and attributes it to Luke Skywalker where it best describes Rax (and Palpatine as his puppetmaster): the scary figure using magic to bring the Empire down. Already there’s a basis to the argument that POV Guy has in some way mixed up Luke and Rax.

POV Guy briefly wakes up in the wreckage and sees some dead bodies of other imperials, and faints again.

He has a fever dream where Luke is running around in space with his lightsaber taking down starships.

Interesting how he dreams of Luke basically wielding Force lightning, which is much more reminiscent of Palpatine. Also, the ones who dragged ships down to Jakku with tractor beams were Rax’s most loyal fanatics in the Empire. So again, Luke as the malevolent god of this scenario is taking over the role that would best be ascribed to Rax and the Contingency.

POV Guy wakes up on Jakku again at night. He eventually realizes he’s being dragged on a litter with a lot of other scrap materials. The man dragging him is wearing some kind of robe.

Hair in a short, efficient style, and a thin frame, would not rule out Rax. In particular, because Rax seems to have starved himself over his time on Jakku, and Luke might not be described as especially thin.

from Empire’s End, describing Rax:

Also, the man saying he “has no love for the Empire” with a chuckle gives the impression he’s concealing some dramatic irony. He’s probably not a rebel from the battle, because he’d just say so. He might be a civilian from the planet. But maybe there’s something unusual about his relationship to the Empire.

“What does one living being want with another in the desert?” doesn’t sound like Luke at all. It does sound a lot like Rax, who talks like this a lot and whose whose philosophy likes to frame itself based on what living beings want from one another in the desert (survival of the fittest, vworkka and skittermouse, etc). Also strange for Luke, this man sounds like he’s riling POV Guy up, letting him think he’s in danger, instead of immediately reassuring him.

The man is cagey about answering where he’s from. If he’s Rax, he is in fact from Jakku and has always been vague and cagey about it when asked direct questions about who he is. A random scavenger or Luke might also put on an air of mystery. But the question is most ironic if it’s Rax.

POV Guy spends a few days being carted around, while the scavenger scavenges and apparently looks for other survivors. POV Guy also finds spots of beauty in the desert. In my reading of this where Scavenger Guy is Rax, it relates a bit to how Rax’s villainy feels tied up in how dead and desolate Jakku is. The world is depicted as unbearably hellish in Empire’s End, and Rax in particular thinks it’s sucking him dry. But here, we see it showing bits of life. If Rax is alive because he died close to that borehole emitting glowing Jakku Life Energy, he might be linked somehow to the planet and its life force. And if he’s not being evil anymore, the planet’s good side might poke through a bit. Rax does like flowering plants.

Scavenger Guy tells POV Guy to stay put while he goes and gets some more scrap. POV Guy takes this as his chance to try to escape, because he assumes the worst of his savior/captor. He grabs some supplies and arduously crawls off, but notices a dark storm cloud approaching. He hides a little ways inside the thruster nozzle of an Imperial starship.

Scavenger Guy shows up.

Scavenger Guy is clearly very resourceful from how he sandstorm-proofs their shelter. He’s also still curt and vague with POV Guy.

This would lead us to think of Luke, who grew up on Tatooine. I would imagine Luke would also know what he’s doing. But Rax would obviously know how to survive a Jakku sandstorm as well. He’d also, again, be the sort to dodge any direct association with Jakku. If it’s Rax he did literally grow up right in this exact area of Jakku and spent a long time guarding it, and probably scavenging too as he killed intruders.

This is still exactly the sort of thing I’d associate with Galli’s survival skills. He knows what particular weird desert plants to find around here, and is up for devouring rodents raw. Highlighting that, calling it barbaric, keeps giving off Rax vibes.

Scavenger Guy tries to get POV Guy to have a sippy of some water. POV Guy gets skittish and dodges him for a bit.

Again not exactly Luke vibes. Scavenger Guy is trying to be helpful but he’s lapsing into villainous threats.

And this is where it gets VERY interesting because it sounds like he’s headed for either the Observatory or the base Rax hung out at.

Luke has actually been to an Observatory elsewhere, so there’s reason to believe he would be one of the people to find it secret facility. But so far, he hasn’t seemed much like Luke. He’s genuinely scavenging for scrap, wasting a lot of time on this one man and this one planet. Luke has better things to do. But would a random scavenger find the Observatory, or the main compound, and be confident about getting in?

But of course Rax would have no trouble at all.

It’s described more like the compound (the Observatory is smaller and mostly hidden underground). It turns out that no one is guarding the place and it’s full of refugees. Why did Scavenger Guy say otherwise? What if the place actually was guarded, though? Those guards would definitely only respond to Rax. He could have ordered them to stay far away while he ran it as his own little anchorite habit house I mean charitable institution I mean redemption den I mean refugee camp.

The mention of a laboratory with everything specifically destroyed to hide evidence feels more like the Observatory. Again, this story is many degrees of separation from a narrator who would be unreliable to his own mind. But whichever it is, it’s one of Rax’s stomping grounds.

After a while, they hear a big explosion and it turns out one of the nearby star destroyers has exploded and turned into a lake of lava.

Now the idea that a ship can turn into a whole lake of lava from having a reactor meltdown is odd. You’d think it would happen all throughout Jakku, then. But maybe the ship just exploded — and opened up one of the fissures that was forming from the borehole being activated. Again, this might be the Observatory but if it has an observation deck (”overlooking the compound” at the top of the page refers to a balcony), ironically, it’s probably not — that deck might be where several days prior Rax left Sloane and Brentin so they could watch the battle and despair, and the compound is indeed closer to the battle than the Observatory. The Observatory is a little ways away, but it’s close enough that its bomb mechanism could have brought a lot of lava to the surface of this region. This lava might be tectonic activity, not just the ship.

Anyway they’re all trapped in the compound because of this lake of fire, and it’s going to collapse the facility. Scavenger Guy sees the danger and eventually disappears for a while. Everyone waits for impending doom.

Then Scavenger Guy shows up with those big flat fan blades and uses them like snowshoes or water skis to walk on the molten glass.

POV Guy: OMG. Skywalker. I get it!

Scavenger Guy convinces everyone they can evacuate by making rafts, boats, and shoes like his.

And Scavenger Guy only starts claiming to have the Force after POV Guy says he’s Luke. It really does sound like he’s making it up as he goes along. He’s playing it up for drama.

They make it out of there and everyone thanks Scavenger Guy and leaves him gifts as a reward. Then Scavenger Guy talks to POV Guy again.

Before parting ways, Scavenger Guy gives POV Guy some special resources from “the compound commander’s quarters”. That’s Rax’s quarters, by the way. He’s apparently the only one of the scavengers who is able to access Rax’s quarters. No one else got in. Is he just exceptionally skilled at slicing? Or was he, you know, the compound commander himself?

Also he knows the specific names of more Jakku wildlife.

We’re all Luke Skywalker, huh? Is that going to come up in TROS?

So basically if I’m rolling with my headcanon, that would mean that Rax promptly woke up from being killed, and scavenged himself a redemption arc of some kind. Which is a pretty huge concept! And of course I have no idea if all the similarities are a coincidence, and they probably are. But you never know. The story does also later include the line “villains can be heroes” as POV Guy thinks about his time with “Luke Skywalker”.

Anyway shoutout to this headcanon version of Rax for improving himself as a human being 11/10 extremely unexpected redemption

#LONG post under the cut very long #gallius rax #aftermath trilogy #legends of luke skywalker #hhhhh h what am I doing with my life

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forsetti · 7 years ago

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On Defending Misogyny: Ross Douthat Edition

Ross Douthat’s latest nonsense in the New York Times is quite the pile of crap, even when compared to other piles of crap written by Douthat. Here is my take on the article (Douthat’s article in bold.) One lesson to be drawn from recent Western history might be this: Sometimes the extremists and radicals and weirdos see the world more clearly than the respectable and moderate and sane. All kinds of phenomena, starting as far back as the Iraq War and the crisis of the euro but accelerating in the age of populism, have made more sense in the light of analysis by reactionaries and radicals than as portrayed in the organs of establishment opinion. Not one single person with an ounce of credibility thinks that extremists and radicals and weirdos see the world clearly because SEEING THE WORLD CLEARLY IS ANTITHETICAL TO BEING AN EXTREMISTS, RADICAL, OR WEIRDO. The ONLY way Douthat's statement makes any sense is if he thinks people with enough common sense to know invading Iraq on bogus reasons with zero plan on what to do after the initial invasion was a fucking horrible idea, were extremist, radical, weirdo.

This is part of why there’s been so much recent agitation over universities and op-ed pages and other forums for debate. There’s a general understanding that the ideological mainstream isn’t adequate to the moment, but nobody can decide whether that means we need purges or pluralism, a spirit of curiosity and conversation or a furious war against whichever side you think is evil.

For those more curious than martial, one useful path through this thicket is to look at areas where extremists and eccentrics from very different worlds are talking about the same subject. Such overlap is no guarantee of wisdom, but it’s often a sign that there’s something interesting going on.

A classic Douthat move-lay out a completely bogus claim right out of the block and then construct a whole argument on top of it.

Which brings me to the sex robots. People having opinions about the Iraq war and the European Union logically leads us to sex robots because of course it fucking does.

Well, actually, first it brings me to the case of Robin Hanson, a George Mason economist, libertarian and noted brilliant weirdo. Commenting on the recent terrorist violence in Toronto, in which a self-identified “incel” — that is, involuntary celibate — man sought retribution against women and society for denying him the fornication he felt that he deserved, Hanson offered this provocation: If we are concerned about the just distribution of property and money, why do we assume that the desire for some sort of sexual redistribution is inherently ridiculous?

If you use “libertarian,” you don't get to follow it up with “brilliant.” Never....fucking ever. As crazy as that juxtaposition of terms is the casual acceptance by Douthat of what “incel” means is even more disturbing. The idea that women in society have to have sex with men is repulsive on every level. That someone gives voice to this notion and give it its own term is fucked up beyond reason. Sorry men, women are not here for you to have sex with. Here's a thought, if men want to have sex with women, then maybe, just maybe, they should behave in ways that women deem appropriate enough to where they will give up their bodies willingly to them. Anything short of this is misogyny at the least and rape a the most. After all, he wrote, “one might plausibly argue that those with much less access to sex suffer to a similar degree as those with low income, and might similarly hope to gain from organizing around this identity, to lobby for redistribution along this axis and to at least implicitly threaten violence if their demands are not met.” Let me de-fuckify this statement because it is a Ceasar's Word Salad of nonsense. “Men who don't get as much sex as they want, think they deserve, need to band together to find ways, even through violence, to get women to fuck them against their wills.”

This argument was not well received by people closer to the mainstream than Professor Hanson, to put it mildly. A representative response from Slate’s Jordan Weissmann, “Is Robin Hanson the Creepiest Economist in America?”, cited the post along with some previous creepy forays to dismiss Hanson as a misogynist weirdo not that far removed from the franker misogyny of toxic online males.

I can't understand why the “mainstream” would find the unionization of violent, horny men hell-bent on making women their sexual subjects offensive. But, see what Douthat has done. He has already constructed his argument where the mainstream is the ones who don't “see the world clearly.” Since the mainstream has been pigeon-holed as not seeing reality for what it really is, then it logically follows for Douthat that their view cannot be correct.

But Hanson’s post made me immediately think of a recent essay in The London Review of Books by Amia Srinivasan, “Does Anyone Have the Right To Sex?” Srinivasan, an Oxford philosophy professor, covered similar ground (starting with an earlier “incel” killer) but expanded the argument well beyond the realm of male chauvinists to consider groups with whom The London Review’s left-leaning and feminist readers would have more natural sympathy — the overweight and disabled, minority groups treated as unattractive by the majority, trans women unable to find partners and other victims, in her narrative, of a society that still makes us prisoners of patriarchal and also racist-sexist-homophobic rules of sexual desire.

There is a lot to unpack here. First, Douthat uses a philosopher, in order to bolster the credibility of his argument. As someone with two degrees in philosophy, I can tell you that there are a lot of batshit crazy people with philosophy degrees who throw out outlandish arguments for no other reason than to be controversial and get their shit published in order to placate the Publish or Perish Gods. Second, having sympathy for how a culture views and treats groups outside the accepted norms like “overweight,” “trans,” “disabled,”... who have a difficult time having sex for a host of reasons is, to quote Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction, “...ain't the same fucking ballpark. It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same fucking sport.” Third, Douthat, a devout Catholic who has carried water for the patriarchy, for misogynists, for homophobes...for years now doesn't get to pretend he is worried about the very structure he helped build.

Srinivasan ultimately answered her title question in the negative: “There is no entitlement to sex, and everyone is entitled to want what they want.” But her negative answer was a qualified one. While “no one has a right to be desired,” at the same time “who is desired and who isn’t is a political question,” which left-wing and feminist politics might help society answer differently someday. This wouldn’t instantiate a formal right to sex, exactly, but if the new order worked as its revolutionary architects intended, sex would be more justly distributed than it is today.

Not only did Douthat use a philosopher to bolster his argument, he completely misused their words in order to do so. Notice how he uses Srinivasan's comment, “who is desired and who isn't is a political question,” and dovetails his own comment “which left-wing and feminist politics might help society answer differently someday,” as if they were one and the same statement. Every culture has their own ideas of what is/isn't sexually desirable. It has nothing to do with “left-wing” or “feminist” politics. Some cultures sexually value heavier companions, those with smaller feet, those with longer necks, those with fairer skin... We can argue the rationality of all of these but none of them are based on leftist or feminist beliefs. In fact, left-leaning and feminists would argue the fuck against these arbitrary sexual values.

A number of the critics I saw engaging with Srinivasan’s essay tended to respond the way a normal center-left writer like Weissmann engaged with Hanson’s thought experiment — by commenting on its weirdness or ideological extremity rather than engaging fully with its substance. But to me, reading Hanson and Srinivasan together offers a good case study in how intellectual eccentrics — like socialists and populists in politics — can surface issues and problems that lurk beneath the surface of more mainstream debates.

By this I mean that as offensive or utopian the redistribution of sex might sound, the idea is entirely responsive to the logic of late-modern sexual life, and its pursuit would be entirely characteristic of a recurring pattern in liberal societies.

Shorter Douthat: “Smart people reacting honestly to the arguments of a libertarian nut job don't know what the fuck they are doing but I, a dyed-in-the-wool social conservative does because of some magical reason that is never explained.” If you think placating angry, resentful, horny men is the way to utopia, I'm pretty sure you are either stupid as fuck and/or just about the most intellectually dishonest person I've ever read.

First, because like other forms of neoliberal deregulation the sexual revolution created new winners and losers, new hierarchies to replace the old ones, privileging the beautiful and rich and socially adept in new ways and relegating others to new forms of loneliness and frustration. Douthat's use of “neoliberal” was done on purpose and as meaningless as the term itself. What Douthat really means by this statement is, “In the past, men could do whatever the fuck they wanted to women, whenever they wanted and women had to take it because that is the fucking way it was. Now men can't do this and they are having a sad about it so we need to blame the women and those who support them instead of the fuck wad misogynists who were morally wrong 50, 100, 200... years ago for their behaviors.”

Second, because in this new landscape, and amid other economic and technological transformations, the sexes seem to be struggling generally to relate to one another, with social and political chasms opening between them and not only marriage and family but also sexual activity itself in recent decline.

“The sexes seem to be struggling generally to relate to one another, with social and political chasms opening up between them.” Holy Both-Fucking-Siderism! NO!!! The “sexes” are not having a problem. MEN caught up in an archaic belief system are having a problem-a big fucking problem. Douthat doesn't get to lay the responsibility and consequences of men not adapting to women's rights on the doorstep of women.

Third, because the culture’s dominant message about sex is still essentially Hefnerian, despite certain revisions attempted by feminists since the heyday of the Playboy philosophy — a message that frequency and variety in sexual experience is as close to a summum bonum as the human condition has to offer, that the greatest possible diversity in sexual desires and tastes and identities should be not only accepted but cultivated, and that virginity and celibacy are at best strange and at worst pitiable states. And this master narrative, inevitably, makes both the new inequalities and the decline of actual relationships that much more difficult to bear …which in turn encourages people, as ever under modernity, to place their hope for escape from the costs of one revolution in a further one yet to come, be it political, social or technological, which will supply if not the promised utopia at least some form of redress for the many people that progress has obviously left behind.

There is an alternative, conservative response, of course — namely, that our widespread isolation and unhappiness and sterility might be dealt with by reviving or adapting older ideas about the virtues of monogamy and chastity and permanence and the special respect owed to the celibate.

So let me get this straight, the problem with sex in America is because of feminists and leftists but, “ the culture’s dominant message about sex is still essentially Hefnerian.”? I've never known a single feminist or leftist who was not only okay with the views and attitudes about sex espoused by Hugh Hefner but who used them as the basis of their sexual ethics. In fact, it has been the direct opposite. Douthat's view of feminism and left-leaning is comical and beyond conservative stereotyping.

But this is not the natural response for a society like ours. Instead we tend to look for fixes that seem to build on previous revolutions, rather than reverse them.

In the case of sexual liberation and its discontents, that’s unlikely to mean the kind of thoroughgoingly utopian reimagining of sexual desire that writers like Srinivasan think we should aspire toward, or anything quite so formal as the pro-redistribution political lobby of Hanson’s thought experiment.

By defacto argument, the sexual revolution was bad so men trying to come to terms with how to really treat women as equals would be a misguided approach to the problem. We need to go back in time to when women had limited rights and almost none with regard to their bodies, their sexuality, and start from there in order to build a more perfect union where men get to get laid when they want by whomever they want.

But I expect the logic of commerce and technology will be consciously harnessed, as already in pornography, to address the unhappiness of incels, be they angry and dangerous or simply depressed and despairing. The left’s increasing zeal to transform prostitution into legalized and regulated “sex work” will have this end implicitly in mind, the libertarian (and general male) fascination with virtual-reality porn and sex robotswill increase as those technologies improve — and at a certain point, without anyone formally debating the idea of a right to sex, right-thinking people will simply come to agree that some such right exists, and that it makes sense to look to some combination of changed laws, new technologies and evolved mores to fulfill it.

Whether sex workers and sex robots can actually deliver real fulfillment is another matter. But that they will eventually be asked to do it, in service to a redistributive goal that for now still seems creepy or misogynist or radical, feels pretty much inevitable.

So, for Douthat, the need to address and placate incels is important but we shouldn't do it with legalizing prostitution or other means. What Douthat is really saying is, “If men cannot dominate and be in control of women, then any sexual solution won't be acceptable. Not legalized prostitution. Not sex robots. Nothing short of actual, real women being subservient to men will do.”

At no point in this entire article by Douthat are men held responsible for their beliefs, for their actions. NOT ONE SINGLE FUCKING TIME! “Feminists” and “left-leaning” people are the real reason behind backward thinking, immoral. egotistical men for behaving the way they do towards women. GTFOH!

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6stronghands · 7 years ago

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please read. it’s long. but i need to say this:

Broken in the past year:

Dishwasher, refrigerator, microwave, furnace, water heater, toilet, gas fireplace, TV, 2 laptops, 2 cellphones, my eyeglasses, the locking system, door handle, driver window (stuck DOWN not up, of course) and catalytic converter on my 15 year old minivan and the other car, a 22 year old beloved 4 Runner had to be junked because it was so decrepit and unfixable (it’s a credit to those amazing early generation Runners though, because it made 260,000 miles and basically ran on Marvel Mystery Oil, Seafoam, and pep talks at the end), then I found out that my home has serious foundation issues, and now, NOW, the dryer.

My new (used) Mustang got hit ONE WEEK after I bought it, by a drunk guy in a big ol F150, as I was my way home to kansas after caring for three (3!!!) family members in the hospital in Utah for four months. The whole time I was in Utah, I was like, holy god these guys are shockingly bad drivers (and I’ve driven extensively around a ton of states). There’s this move I call The Utah Special, a lane changing move where they don’t signal, they don’t check their blind spots, they don’t move vertically….they just horizontally zoom into a space they want in the next lane. I saw so many near misses and actual accidents during my time there. And lo and behold, LITERALLY AS I’M ON MY WAY OUT OF THAT HELL STATE, at the motherfreakin base of the canyon, four hours from Colorado and freedom from the religious insanity and repression that manifests as the angriest, most aggressive, flat out incompetent drivers I’ve ever seen, a jackalope did the Utah Special on me and my new car.

It screwed up the alignment and tire pressure monitor and left a big dent on the drivers door. Luckily i didn’t run into the giant concrete wall that he spun me into, because I’m an experienced driver, esp in correcting a bad, fast turn, but it was close. The guy is now trying to avoid payment so I’ve been driving around with a beatup looking car.

One month after i got back to Lawrence, a guy backed into me at the store, and I ended up using the 100 bucks he gave me for groceries, and trying to buff out the back myself, which didn’t work. This is my childhood dream car btw, the only nice thing I’ve ever owned (and it looks a lot nicer than it is, it’s very bare bones inside and out, it just looks slick. It took almost two years and three states of looking to find a good Mustang for such a low price).

And now.

Now I’ve got a gutted dryer, parts spread out to hell and gone, because Samsung dryers have the worst design and the cheapest parts (seriously, don’t ever buy Samsung appliances. Three different parts stores and repair people told me they refuse to work on Samsungs or carry parts for them any more because the design is so bad and the parts are so cheap). I thought I fixed it by replacing the circuit board, but now I think it’s the thermal fuse switch which is located UNDER and BEHIND the drum, not in the more accessible places other brands put it. But that’s not irritating enough, no no, now it turns out I have to learn how to solder because they didn’t use screws or plugs for the fuse mount, no no, they soldered it on, so I had to drill the fucker out and and buy a solder iron and now I’m watching how-to-solder videos on youtube.

And (of course there’s an AND) the charging port on my 3rd used cell phone broke, and I don’t have time to order a replacement port and do it myself, so I took it into one of those overpriced walk in places (for $130 dollars!!! for fifteen minutes work). Picked it up five minutes before they closed last night, and now the screen is unresponsive. According to the good people of the internet, since I can’t get it to reboot, it’s probably a badly seated digitizer that got bumped when they did the replacement. I have to take a break from my how-to-solder videos and go in and convince a bunch of 20 year old guys to fix my phone and not charge me for it.

So. This is a lot.

And because we are in the aptly named bad timeline, my personal life has pretty much echoed all the broken down stuff. I have had some weird, hard to diagnose, health crap that cost me one job and has prevented me from finding another. So I just do a bunch of volunteer stuff now, and keep applying to worse and worse jobs, hoping someone, somewhere will take me. My new dog (who I adopted because I’ve been so overwhelmed and stressed, I was freaking out one day and my sister was like, I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, YOU NEED A DOG, and she was one hundred percent right, everything is better with a good dog) got attacked at the park, by a Husky owned by a RedditGuy, who then RAN when I was trying to revive my dog, and drove away in a Mercedes with a license obscurer. The only reason I know who he is, is because a quick thinking teenager ran after him and tried to get his name (which the guy wouldn’t give) and the teen took pics of him with his cellphone (don’t shit on Millenials around me, just don’t. All I see are good kids doing good stuff under bad circumstances). (Also, just fwiw, there are all kinds of Huskies being surrendered at shelters and involved in attacks because, and this is so dumb it just kills me, people are watching Game of Thrones and deciding they want their very own Direwolf, without having the experience or willingness to take on a breed that needs a lot of training and reinforcement and care. Huskies are great dogs if they have great owners, like a lot of other great but high-care breeds).

The medical bills were over $4000, which I had to take a loan out for. There was a court hearing, and the judge ruled in my favor, and ordered the guy to pay, by March 1st. You won’t be surprised at all, because FML, that the guy hasn’t paid, and is contesting it, which means more court stuff. This has all been stressful as hell, but this dog is genuinely the most amazing dog I’ve ever had; he is worth any trouble and expense. I would sell my Mustang, if I had to, to keep this tiny, adorable fuzzball (some kind of poodle-terrier mix, I think, I dunno. He was a rescue dog who was fostered with an inmate in a local prison, Safe Harbor Prison Dogs, check it out, they’re great) I’ve never had a companion dog before. I’ve had family dogs who have all been great, but I’ve never had one where they are bred to be a companion, that’s their work, like a work-dog needs work to be happy and sane. He is carrying my kid and me in his soft little paws; he does good work, this guy. He is always happy, very energetic when you want, calm and cuddly when you want, incredibly sensitive and attuned, unnervingly intelligent and a joy to train, and as soft as a bunny. I have to brush him every single day because of his crazy Fizzgig hair, but that’s fine. He rides on my shoulder in the car and fits inside a tote bag so I can sneak him lots of places. I’ve socialized him from the beginning (which is why I was at that damn park) so he’s totally silent in public places like stores. He loves people, especially kids, and if I ever get off the job-hunting, broken-thing-fixing treadmill, I’d like to volunteer him as a therapy dog in hospitals or wherever. He’s like my very own Daemon, my own Pantalaimon. A gift and a blessing at any time, but especially now, when things are Challenging.

Then. Then the worst thing. Something really bad happened to my one of my kids. Something so bad that I can’t talk about it in a public place like this. I can barely talk about it in my Al-Anon support group. I spend a lot of energy not thinking about it. I have learned a lot of things in the past few years, like A LOT. I know so much more now, about so many, many things. But this bad thing is something I wish I never knew, and it’s not fixable, only recoverable.

I have never, ever been so continually sad and angry. It’s been bad timing for my mental health, the Me Too movement. I had a friend visit and he was talking about it, and was telling me that it’s turned into a witch hunt, that things aren’t really this bad for women, that maybe women and men just speak different languages and have different needs and wants, that if things have been this bad, why didn’t women say something sooner, and I just….I couldn’t talk. He wanted me to give him specific examples of male violations in my life, and I literally didn’t know where to start. I can list so many, like every woman alive. I could list hundreds of small things, things where you just accept it because what else can you do, and other things, things that were not small, but you ignore, because you actually know the guy and you know he’s genuinely a mostly good guy, or trying to be, or will be some day, or has a family who loves and depends on him, or maybe I didn’t have the vocabulary or confidence or experience to safely call him out then, or maybe I didn’t know if calling him out would ruin his life, and for real, I could see that he would some day evolve into A Good Man, An Ally, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that. Because that’s real, that dynamic. It doesn’t fit into any black and white social media woke doctrine, but it’s real. I have hurt people through ignorance, and I have learned and evolved, and there have been a few specific times where I can look back in gratitude that someone educated me in a gracious, patient way, because it changed me for the better. Do men know this? That people like me aren’t calling them on stuff? That the problem is much, much worse than the revelations of the Me Too movement? That we let pretty much all the small and medium stuff go? Do they know? Are they so uneducated, so culturally indoctrinated, so blind, to other men’s bad behavior, to their own, that they really think that this is all an over-reaction or mixed signals or just women looking to be angry about something???

I know it’s a lot more complicated than that, because goddamn life usually is. There have been hundreds of not-terrible and semi-bad violations in my 40 years, that I’ve just lived with, and then there’s been a handful of genuinely, life-altering-ly bad ones. The ones that teach you to to beware, that there are predators who prey, and you are just meat. But I couldn’t articulate any of this to this friend, this guy who feels so defensive and attacked by the movement. No one has accused him of anything, he’s just feeling defensive. He thinks people are unfair to men, that men are trying their best, that women need to explain more nicely.

I have been so angry, about so much, for months now. I usually blow up fast and I’m done. I’m usually the poster girl for Onward And Upward, Life Is Beautiful, Everything’s Awesome. This constant anger is exhausting. And I wish I was only angry, but I’m also broken-hearted. Broken. Everything’s broken, everything keeps breaking. Bad people, careless people, indifferent people, they keep ruining things and getting away with things. The news isn’t good, not politically, not economically, not environmentally, not anything. All signs point to things getting much, much worse.

I will say this, I am smarter than I was a year ago.

I seem to only learn by doing, to learn the hard way. I know a lot more now. Like A LOT, in a pretty short span of time. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am not as sweet, and not as optimistic, but I am seasoned. I’m better at problem solving. I know there's always going to be another damn thing, whatever it is. I know the importance of good tools and resources and support, whether it’s fixing broken cars or broken hearts. That came out trite, but it’s true. I’ve learned that sometimes the only good thing to come out of a bad thing is knowledge, if you use it to recover or evolve, or to help someone else. Sometimes the only silver lining is that you’ve got newfound empathy. We need more empathy in the world, so that’s not nothing. I am so, so worried about the future, about what my kids are going to have to learn in order to navigate their own personal and cultural despair. They’re gonna have to get tougher, faster, while protecting their gentle hearts and giving natures. That’s tricky. I hope they’ll remember that we’re in this together, that the only way to survive is by leaning on and helping each other. Another thing that sounds trite, but is the truest thing I know. I’ve learned to talk about things, to ask questions, to ask again if I don’t understand (and again, and again), and to say to people, I need you, I’m stuck, I’m headfucked, I’m heartfucked, help. Help me. Using your resources, whether they’re youtube how-to videos, therapy, doctors, friends, Al-Anon groups, dogs, whatever, is the only way I know how to get over and through.

It’s kind of strange to FEEL how much stronger I am right now, than a year ago. Because things are much worse; something that would have broken me for good, if Then-Me had known. But Now-Me has soldiered through some shit by leaning hard on my resources, and because of those resources, not through inner grit or stoicism, but the resources, I’m tougher, smarter, better equipped. I am not exactly happier, but I do have happy moments. That’s a big deal. I am afraid for the future, but I know that, at least as long as I’m able to fight, I CAN fight.

I have leaned on some of you here. Some of you are my safe places, are resources, tools, friends. Genuine, real ones. I am stronger because of you. I can write and write, but never truly articulate what that has meant, what it means to me. You know how vets are with other vets? The way they’ll meet up after they leave the military, and fall into each other’s arms, the way they trust each other for the rest of their lives? I feel that way about you guys. I’ve been in the motherfucking foxhole, and some of you guys climbed in and covered my head and held my shaking hands. I just have no words. The ‘no atheists in a foxhole’ thing isn’t true. I still don’t believe in God, but I believe in friends, in good people, in the righteous fighters who get no acclaim, no awards, but quietly, bravely, change the world around them a little at a time, to great cumulative effect. I can say I love you, I’m so grateful, you’re wonderful, but really, I have no words other than, thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.

#personal #thank you

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gentle--riot · 7 years ago

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i was tagged by the wonderful @tcstu! thanks for the weird questions! :D

Rules: Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, write 10 questions of your own, tag 10 people.

1) If you could choose another way for human beings to relax and re-charge besides sleeping, what would it be?

i’d probably make something like work be the thing that recharges humans. we get rest by creating? revolutionary!

2) If you could invent a new body part, what would it be and why?

since i’m a wheelchair user, i’m constantly wishing i just had an extra way to carry stuff, so, i’d probably just add another arm. i’m tons of fun and creativity, i know.

3) Have you ever written a story based on a dream?

hah! no! my dreams are somewhere between uneventful and bizarre (i.e., my mom coming home with too many Snickers bars and both of us being genuinely disturbed at the surplus of candy), so i don’t think i could make much of a novel from one of those.

4) Which character, either yours or someone else’s would make the worst roommate?

of my characters, i’d say that Keralynne of Chesed would be the worst, what with being raised a princess and all.

of the characters of others... call me basic or whatever, but Margo from Paper Towns would be... interesting to have as a roommate.

5) What was the first book you fell in love with?

Mine for Keeps by Jean Little was the first book that ever made me cry. as a disabled little girl, reading a story about another disabled little girl really, really made me feel like this was a world where i could live and thrive.

6) How did you come up with the idea for your current WIP(s)?

18 Years came from a few places. one of my best friends calls me a badass because i live and try to be the best i can be even though i’m in pain. Around that time, I met my friend Allie, whose Twitter bio is “my life is dope and i do dope shit”. and around that time, my mom was watching tv, and i heard “Chesapeake” and thought that would make a nice name. so, that’s when Chessa and her story were born!

moments ♡ was my first foray back into writing after my years-long hiatus for college. it started out as just some oneshots, and it stayed just some oneshots, honestly.

Apple of My Eye is a fanfiction based on the name that the artist who stars in the fic used in a song. it’s just a sweet little romance story, really. i wrote it because i needed to practice a few things, and i figured i might as well do that with fic where i could work on building up an audience while i practiced!

“Portland Autumn” is a short story based on two nonbinary characters, one of them being asexual and the other being aromantic, and they meet and have their stories together in Portland. in the autumn.

7) What cancelled TV show or book series would you like to bring back?

stick with me here, but Lifetime had this show called Side Order of Life that my mom and i were OBSESSED with, and it was cancelled after one season! nobody i know has even heard of it, but it was our favorite, and i’m still bummed -- literally ten years later -- that it stopped happening.

8) Which fantasy world would you want to live in forever?

Fairy World from The Fairly Odd Parents

9) If you could design your own planet, with no limitations of our current reality, what would it be like?

i’d probably just design a planet that’s wheelchair accessible and has battered chicken vines or something? i don’t want much, honestly.

10) What WIP have you worked on the longest?

i have ones on my list of future projects that i’ve been dreaming of since high school, but of the ones i’m writing right now, i’ve been working on moments ♡ the longest.

my 10 questions!

1. do you have a go-to writing snack?

2. the last thing you wrote on paper?

3. do you have any links for promo? a blog or Wattpad or something? if so, drop them here!

4. what song do you associate with each of your works in progress?

5. what’s your biggest writing pet peeve?

6. your favorite work of fiction (book, movie, play, tv show, etc.) of all time?

7. would you rather your work mean a lot to a few people or a little bit to a lot of people?

8. what’s the nicest name you’ve ever heard?

9. how do you feel about research?

10. all of the hugs or avoiding human contact?

ok, for my 10 people, I’m tagging... you! it doesn’t matter who you are or how many followers you have! please, do this! i have been the person who sees a thing i want to do but isn’t tagged before, and it sucks, so if you want to answer my questions, just do it! and tag your humans! :D

I can’t wait to hear your answers! As always, no pressure to reply. If I didn’t tag you and you would like to participate, feel free to jump in!

#tag #tag yourself #questions #writing questions #writer questions

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hundesumpf · 7 years ago

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where do you get your mori clothes from? ive heard thrift shops are a good resource, but i can rarely find things thatd be suitable for mori boy at the ones ive gone to x(

This is going to be TL;DR, skip to the end for styling pointers.

Honestly like 80% of my wardrobe comes from Ross. It can take a bit of digging to find the good stuff, but I promise its in there. Other common shops I’ve been had luck with include Target and H&M. I would recommend H&M for the Mori Boy styles over anything else, since they tend to have more of the j-fashion inspired looks and looser designs than most other mainstream brands and storefronts. Forever 21 occasionally has decent items, as does Rue 21. If you can find one, Uniqlo tends to have a decent selection of basics that work well for Mori styles. Unfortunately, most of these stores primarily stock feminine clothing, with H&M probably having the best selection (the one in Pearland Town Center has a great Men’s section).

I’ve also had a bit of luck on the Wish app by searching “Mori”. This tends to return a lot of taobao type styles, though they are again overwhelmingly feminine. The prices are insanely good on Wish as well, so that’s a super bonus.

I do a bit of thrifting but the selection is fairly limited unless you’re really dedicated to upcycling. You can also occasionally find some decent items at antique shops, though this primarily applies to accessories. I personally shop a lot of clearance racks and I’ve found a few specific brands adhere spectacularly to the Mori style, though they are, once again, primarily feminine brands. Some of these brands include:

1. LC by Lauren Conrad; this brand is exclusive to Kohls but it goes to clearance fairly quickly as they release new sets every month or so, so check the clearance first! LC features a lot of dainty lace pieces and unique dresses, and her recent lines have featured a heavy Scandinavian influence. This brand also features some plus size options so it’s one of the more accommodating brands I’ve found. She also just added a maternity line so there’s that too.http://m.kohls.com/search/clothing.jsp?CN=Department:Clothing&search=lc%20lauren%20conrad&S=0&WS=0&N=Department:Clothing&submit-search=mobile-ta-keyword

2. Arève; this brand is a little more difficult to find as its a boutique brand that caters to a more “country” market. It can usually be found at livestock shows and rodeos that feature boutique markets. Check for local boutiques or western wear stores in your area for this brand. Unfortunately they only go up to size L, and run a bit flat in the hips and chest. Of the distinct brands I’ve found, this one is the best for Mori and almost entirely uses natural materials. I can’t find a website for them, but there’s a few items on poshmark.

3. Umgee; very like Arève. Another boutique brand, but I have also found it in the women’s section of Ross. A little more forgiving in the hips and chest than Arève, but still only goes up to L.http://m.umgeeusa.com/ I believe you need a retailer account to order from their site but I’ve found some stuff on poshmark.

4. Altar’d State; very expensive! I only but from this store during the semi annual sale (which i think is going on rn actually). They’re technically one of those Christian boutiques, which can be a little uncomfortable while shopping in store thanks to the weird country jesus music, but their style tends to be super on point for Mori co-ords. I don’t know if they actually carry men’s clothing, but I have a few items from them that are pretty gender neutral and are great for Mori co-ords. They have a shop in a couple of my local malls but I’m not sure how prevalent they are elsewhere.http://www.altardstate.com/

Of course, these are North American brands and as far as I know are not available elsewhere.

SKIP TO HERE

I also design and make some of my clothing. This tends to be a larger investment due to both the materials and time put into creating them but the result is a unique item tailored to my particular tastes. If you’d like to exchange designs I can put together some sketches for you for some Mori Boy basics to coordinate around. You can then either utilize them yourself or commission their manufacture.

Additionally, some basics to include in your wardrobe for Mori Boy coordinations, as a basic rule, would be:

a. loose linen pants; not oversized, but fitted at the waste with a straight leg, or a slight outward taper if you’ve got larger thighs. I also personally use skinny jeans a lot under my co-ords because they fit neatly in my boots, and I’ve noticed a number of Mori Boys often use neutral colored jeans. The most important aspect of the Mori style is comfort, so whichever style is most comfortable.

b. loose fitting shirts; I would recommend cotton, for the most part, of varying thicknesses to accommodate your climate. These can have any length sleeve as it is your base layer. Since the Mori Boy look doesn’t rely as heavily on lace as the Mori Girl look does, you want to be very picky about fabrics, using only natural fibers. These shirts should be about mid-thigh length, ideally, and of natural tones. You’ll want to use a shirt that either has a fairly wide, open neck, or a turtleneck in colder seasons. You can even through a button-down shirt over another shirt to instantly layer.

c. loose fitting, or oversized, sweaters; these can be of varying lengths but my general opinion is the longer the better. Cable-knit cardigans work very well for this look and if you can’t find them in Men’s sizes the Women’s section cardigans are basically the same thing, so don’t be afraid to cross sections. Plus, the Women’s cardigans tend to be a bit longer than the Men’s.

d. unique outerwear; this part is pretty flexible, so it can difficult to decide on a piece. Alot of Mori Boy co-ords opt for a canvas or heavy woven blazer, but I’ve also seen floral jackets, wool peacoats, and even letterman-style jackets used. Personally I have a mock-military jacket I picked up at a Rue 21 that I use when its cooler out. Its cotton and the dark green coordinates well with any number of styles. I would suggest trying a few different styles.

e. vests; this is, in my opinion, the one item that can make a Mori Boy outfit. Mori style is hallmarked by layering, and a vest is a perfect way to add an extra layer without necessarily adding warmth, which is great for warmer climates. In summer, I would suggest a looser fitting vests, like an oversized linen vest or even an upcycled scarf when the temperature gets crazy. In winter you can trade that out for a woolen or more fitted vest in a darker hue, which you can coordinate with turtlenecks and coats.

f. scarves; this is another must-have. In summer you can use a thin viscose scarf either wrapped loosely around your neck, or tucked under the collar of your shirt. This can add a measure of layering without adding warmth. In winter, you can a blanket scarf to keep warm by wrapping it snugly around your face and neck, or by draping it across your shoulders like a cloak.

g. cloaks; speaking of which! These may be a bit on the tricky side to get ahold of, but luckily they are ridiculously easy to make. The cloak essentially replaces your outerwear and should really only be used when its cold out, but it chas the potential to step up your Mori game by 9000%.

h. headgear; love ‘em or hate ‘em, hats are a popular item in the Mori Boy look. Winter styles tend to see woolen or fur hats, ranging from fedoras to beanies, while summer styles implement lighter styles, even replacing proper hats with headbands. The most popular style seems to be the bucket hat, but I would never tell you to wear that because quite frankly they are atrocious.

i. shoes; shoes should be a natural material. Linen shoes such as Toms would be appropriate, as would many leather shoes or boots. If you don’t want to wear natural leather, you could also use a vegan, or faux, leather shoe. Recommended shoe styles are Oxfords and sturdy, round toed boots. Personally I like the look of laced boots over pull-ons, but to each their own.

j. accessories; a broad category, I know. The paramount accessory for the Mori look is the bag or satchel. This again should be a natural material, either heavy canvas or leather is best (again, you can substitute for faux leather if the real stuff is displeasing to you). This bag is what you will use to carry your journal, camera, and any trinkets you find on your adventures, so it should have a bit of space to it. Other accessories to consider include gloves, belts, and jewelry. Fingerless linen gloves can be worn with light shirts with the sleeves rolled up; belts can either hold up your breeches or hold down your cloak on a windy day; and jewelry can be used to dress up an otherwise understated ensemble.

The great part about the Mori style is it can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be, so long as it is comfortable for you. There’s a lot of simple pieces that can work well together to create the Mori look if you know what to look for. When shopping for styles, don’t be afraid to try out several items together to experiment with a look. If you have access to a fitting room, excellent, but even if you don’t, hold items together and try to picture them as a whole outfit. I also frequently use polyvore to put together looks and then shop to match those looks, which can be a useful tool when thrifting.

Also! Don’t be afraid to take a risk with an accent piece! If you’ve got a fairly monochromatic outfit, throw in a bright accessory or a loud outerwear piece. You can also use your base as an accent, like an embroidered shirt, or floral pants. A general rule of fashion is to stick to three primary color groups in your outfit, so if you’ve got two cool color groups, like blue and green, you can add in a warm color group, like orange, to offset them and add visual interest. The last image is a good example of this, with the browns and greens of the main body of the outfit being offset by the red bag.

TL:DR

H&M has a decent men’s section with usable pieces for Mori Boy co-ords. If you want some outfit sketches hit me up, I can also commission items if you’re interested or looking for specific items.

#mori #mori boy #mori girl #mori style #fashion #shoopping #tips and tricks #i'm sorry for the lack of image sources these are from my inspo file on my pc #and i think i got most of those from pinterest #>.>#spiralsunshine

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aotpheroscapeproject · 6 years ago

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Update & Potentially resuming soon(?)

I recently got a new replacement Rise of the Valkyrie master set, which means that I can now start playtesting the units I’ve converted thus far. However, I also had an idea as of recent. A local game shop I frequent has had a MTG Creature Forge gravity feed for sale for $70 for quite some time. Since it’s sealed and full, it should have a large majority of the 28 different figures. If nothing else, it’ll be a great start, and converting these shouldn’t be too difficult.

My plan is to use these figures to make Common creatures for AOP. The rulebooks mention Commons, but they were never implemented. Since all the Uniques were based on Creature Spells, I figured it’d make sense to base the Commons on Creature Tokens. Since these figures are also relatively easy to buy online, it should open up plenty of extra fun for AOP players everywhere.

I’ll list any plans I have after the list below the fold. There are 28 different figures, so here’s a rundown for anyone interested:

6 white creatures:

4/4 Angel flying

1/1 Bird flying

5/5 Horse

1/1 Pegasus flying

1/1 Soldier

1/1 Spirit flying

1 blue creature:

2/2 Drake flying

5 black creatures:

5/5 Demon flying

1/1 Faerie Rogue flying

2/2 Pirate menace

1/1 Rat deathtouch

2/2 Zombie

2 red creatures:

5/5 Dragon flying

1/1 Goblin

10 green creatures:

2/2 Bear

3/3 Beast

3/3 Dinosaur trample

*/* Ooze

0/1 Plant

1/1 Saproling

1/1 Snake

1/2 Spider reach

2/2 Wolf

5/5 Wurm

1 gold (mixed) creature:

1/1 red/blue Insect flying, haste

3 colorless figures:

3/3 Golem (Artifact Creature)

1/1 Sliver (Creature)

Treasure (Artifact)

I’m planning to make a majority (if not all) Common Creatures have only 1 life, but I may instead opt for this to only apply to Common Squad Creatures to balance out their numbers. I want to avoid the need for too many damage markers with just how many commons you could potentially stuff onto a field.

As for Power/Toughness, I want to carry those over directly, but I’m not sure how well that’s going to go. I’ll probably have to see what the average number of figures/gravity feed is for each Token. This will influence my decision for the figures/card. Right now, I’m thinking common = 3-figure squad, uncommon = 2-figure squad, and rare = hero creature (based on their rarity, not their uniqueness). This will also help determine cost and PPF cost. Movement and Range will likely be the most difficult. Height is the easiest, since it’s based on the physical height of the figure (height # = levels of terrain tile figure occupies).

For menace, I’ll have to look at what the ability does to translate it into AOP. As for reach, I think the most sensible thing is to allow reach to ignore flying when making opportunity attacks, meaning that figures with flying will still have to disengage if they’re adjacent to a figure with reach. This should allow the most logical transition from the the TCG to AOP, and with the fact that 2 of the 3 options for green Planeswalkers are dual-color, this allows red and blue to also have access through Kiora and Arlinn. Since a lot of flying is with white and black, this should balance well.

With deathtouch, I’m thinking it would work best as an ability that gives the target -1 Toughness when attacked by a creature with deathtouch. I’ll have to play around with it and see if allowing this to stack is too overpowered, as I dread bringing about the next “Zergling rush” meta. More than likely it will not stack, since many of these Tokens only have 1 Toughness to begin with.

As for the Ooze and its “*/*” P/T, if I go with the figures/card method above, they’d be 2 Oozes per army card. This works well with my idea, where their P/T is equal to the number of ally Oozes adjacent to it. Thematically, this means they all are merging into a really big Ooze that can split apart freely. Of course, anything in the center of a horde can’t really attack, but can give bonuses to all surrounding Oozes. This works well with green’s focus on growth and pack tactics, and still offers plenty of limitations. Only 2 Oozes can be activated in a turn, since they’d be 2 per army card. This means that moving a large congregation of Oozes would be slow and impractical. They’d mostly serve as a zone-of-control hazard, and they become weaker as more of them die, making them only as strong as they can stay whole.

Finally, for the Treasure artifact, it would have either an army card or, much like the cryptoliths, a section for their rules as an object. I think giving them a card is the easiest thing to do, but they could still have special rules as “objectives” for custom scenarios. My thought is for the Treasure to let you replenish 1 spell card from your graveyard upon using it. It could also have a d20 roll feature where rolling a 1 causes you to take damage (trapped), and rolling a 20 lets you get 2 spells back rather than 1 (rich treasure).

The rest of these tokens are either plain or have abilities that have already been converted to AOP officially (flying, trample, and haste). Thus, they don’t need anything particularly special beyond basic stat tweaks. I’ll also be using the same card templates I made before in order to make proper army cards for these. I’ll also scan the artwork for the token card (I believe they come with one in each corresponding pack) and use that for the army cards’ art, thus keeping them consistent and looking right at home with the rest of your AOP collection.

Thankfully, this will add some much needed variety to both green and black. Red and especially blue won’t get much, but red doesn’t need further variety than the dragon and goblin, and blue is so focused on control that rush tactics aren’t very helpful. The drakes will offer more of an “emergency button” by being decent fliers who can zip around and aid an important figure who’s being chased, forcing the pursuer to disengage in order to avoid being attacked in their efforts. White will have a few options, which is good with its focus on armies and defense. The only issue I foresee is that - and this sounds weird - the Pegasus and the Bird are exactly the same. Uncommon white 1/1 with flying. I think I’ll mix this up by giving the Bird only 1 Life/figure with much more Movement, while making the Pegasus slower but healthier. I’ll do the same for the Wolf and Bear respectively. There will be plenty to do, but I’m excited to see how this goes.

#update #magic the gathering #Arena of the Planeswalkers #magic the gathering creature forge

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juushika · 7 years ago

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Homestuck liveblog part 3: Vriska, Terezi, and characterization; “let me tell you about homestuck” is “let me explain quadrants”; Karkat/Karkat OTP

me: You know sollux is pretty great tho Canon mental health issues Can see vision of his own death Generally a seer but with like a lot of angst and bodily suffering “I’ll copy/paste less now that the typing quirks are insane,” I said, like a big liar http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=003985

TA: ii al2o talk two you becau2e iin ca2e you havent notiiced ii de2pii2e my2elf and perpetually 2eek two dupliicate through emotiional paiin the cacophony of phy2iical paiin my hiideou2 mutant braiin cau2e2 me every day.

Sollux is pretty great

Missy: hah i read like.. 4/5 words some i just go.. meh fuck it

me: Sometimes the trolls will find each other’s typing quirks confusing Which functions both to normalize some of the text for the viewer And to be like lol we know this is ridiculous I appreciate the meta When one troll will repeat what another troll says but with different typing quirks

me: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=003986 Sollux to karkat:

TA: the only thiing youre good at ii2 yelliing and makiing huge mii2take2.

Same tho

me: Nopeeeeee time to meet vriska Preemptive feels Abort abort The way that she engages interpersonal relationships reminds me too much of myself Especially with tavros??? Who is a small angel which better nature dictates we must protect at all costs Which spoiler is not what happens!!

me: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004078

AG: Can I join your team? CG: YES I’M GLAD YOU ASKED, BECAUSE THERE IS A WIDE OPEN SLOT FOR THE MOST VILE BACKSTABBING SOCIOPATH WHO EVER LIVED. CG: YOU REALLY HELPED ME OUT OF A JAM BY STEPPING FORWARD. AG: Vile 8acksta88ing sociopath? Karkat, did you copy and p8ste that phrase directly from your personal ad descri8ing what you are looking for in a lady?

CG: BECOMING FRIENDS, WHAT THE FUCK. CG: WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS, MORON. AG: Not even h8 friends? CG: NO. MORE LIKE TWITCHY EYED PROJECTILE VOMITING IN UTTER DISGUST FRIENDS, WHILE I PERFORATE MY BONE BULGE WITH A CULLING FORK. AG: Yessssssss. I’ll take it! CG: GET LOST.

Vriska makes me!!! uncomfortable!!! What’s particularly interesting here is that karkat is super obsessed with quadrants which is how trolls conceptualize their interpersonal relationships And they have a dark side to the quadrants which are animosity-fueled relationships So he is actually in desperate search of hate friends So in his own way the answer is yes He said that he is also really bad at communicating his wants with other people but also with himself, he’s very bad at honesty and self-knowledge So the answer is also no And also yes My babies

Missy: Can I just hate hate the stupid drivers? [from longer story about being stuck in traffic QQ] No friends?

me: Yes that is allowed It probably won’t be this personality- and life path-defining interaction Like it is for trolls But that’s probably a good thing

Missy: I remember you like karkat and want to be vriska From long ago* But that all i remember

me: Vriska is very black romantic inclined Also approximately a sociopath, hurts people a lot…really cruel And then I’m like oh my God is this dream-me Well, that bodes well

Missy: Yes that See

* chatlog from 2011 (!!!!), which is what Missy remembered from long ago:

me: it's a few things [which make me feel uncomfortable about identifying with Vriska] it's 1) a different set of morality than yours (general you) I sympathize with that it's similar to but not quite amorality which I think we all have that inside but because I hate people mine is pretty pronounced so I understand hers but the 2) is harder to phrase it's sorta Ayn Randian to be honest she's selfish, and violent, and really just a murderous monster, but that interior morality doesn't just justify it to her, it makes the issue moot you don't need to justify what you know to be innately correct, even if others don't see it your way BUT she has second thoughts because her interior morality/rules are not as fixed or indeed as ... countercultural [or even cultural] as she thinks in fact in being so secure in them and the belief that they don't need to be justified is actually her being ... defensive and for good cause, and she’s partially in the right but not to the extent she's arguing she is so like killing and hurting people as a form of self-expression is not innately bad, except that it is and where am I going with this... I understand the conflict between "my rules are different, which is okay" and "my rules contradict yours, which is problematic"

Missy: i sorta get it. except with that i don't read homestuck so this is all theoretical and without context

me: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004120

“It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy.”

Equius is…. So weird…. I’ve never known what to do with this character

Missy: ?

me: God it’s just a lot of tealdeer, uh Trolls have a caste system based on blood color which is sort of outdated but still carries social prejudices he’s really obsessed with it but sort of embodies the obsession via what amounts to fetishes and d/s dynamics Which are intentionally played to be embarrassing for the reader So it’s like this interesting aspect of troll culture combined with embarrassment squick and just I never know what to do with it He’s not an attractive character Profoundly not He also wants to roleplay being bossed around by higher castes No homo And he’s a furry Still no homo!!!! He makes me Uncomfortable

me: equius is SO CONFUSING i am so confused also i remember why i never latched on to terezi in the long run her character … re … development…. by which I mean that when we flash back to the troll origin stories her characterization is less consistent she’s actually super justice-y it’s just that troll justice/legal system is super tyrannical and violent and doesn’t mesh well with humans, so it came across v murdertime from human PoV but i legit think her earlier dialog doesn’t adequately reflect that distinction and so her character (retroactive) development is still inconsistent i think i remember her flying off the handle in later acts tho and becoming murder so we’ll see [future Juu: nope this did not pan out; my earlier argument stands] http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Terezi_Pyrope

Terezi can be civil, flirty, manipulative, and derisive in her interactions. Her drive for justice results in some callous and cruel actions, the majority of which she has been shown to be deeply affected by and regret later on.

yeah i… like that balance: deeply regret the doing of what one must because one can but i much prefer earlier characterization of just “because one can” i really--like, as much as hussie has everything pre-written in his head i really think her characterization is uneven and just sort of….unwrites earlier (publication order not internal chronology) interactions like HEY DAVE WHAT DOES YOUR BLOOD TASTE LIKE or when she tricked john into killing himself and destroying the entire game session (which is “punishment for jack noir/the way the kids play their session” but there’s nooooooooo indication of that in dialog i srsly think it’s just retconned if it’s explained at all) yeah wiki really doesn’t have good explanation for the murdering john thing b/c it’s inconsistent so there, homestuck! p.s. earlier terezi was better but i guess vriska makes her redundant since she does just murder for murder’s sake that said vriska doing the murder is why she and terezi stop being frand, which seems like just poor writing/further (retroactive) character development

me: Time travel (from troll relative perspective) had begun!! You know what that means Time for karkat to realize his true potential to hate himself

Missy: Time for your feels you mean (Pt 8383939/8382962882)

me: He is leaving memos to his past/future self!!! I love him So much Like no exaggeration Top 10 fav

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004447

CCG: FUTURE ME, DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE WEIGH IN ON THIS, I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING. CCG: GET TO THE POINT. FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH. CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004467

FCG: OH GOD, NOW I’M ARGUING WITH CURRENT ME. FCG: I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE I WAS DOING IT, THIS IS REALLY FUCKED UP. FCG: I’VE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER.

I love!!!! Karkat as everyone’s fucking romance councilor is.. it’s so good….. Like He is so obsessed with romance, so actually a great person to go to for advice about it, and actually surprisingly emotionally accessible when he wants to be Except where the relationships involve him Even in pale romances aka what we think of as friendship or animosity Then he gets over-performative or defensive or just locked up He really values and understands these things but is unable to access them Instead, and I know I’ve written about this before but, his most meaningful and complex and intimate and antagonistic relationship Is with Himself I love him so much and like the weird narrative techniques of HS are what make this possible, they’re not just gimmicks, they’re ways of exploring something unique but identifiable further http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004467

FCG: NOT THAT I EXPECT YOU TO GIVE A SHIT BUT PERSONALLY I AM ALL TWISTED UP ABOUT BLACKROM STUFF ESPECIALLY. FCG: HONESTLY I DON’T THINK I WAS CUT OUT TO HAVE A KISMESIS, I THINK MY STANDARDS ARE WAY TOO HIGH. FCG: DID YOU KNOW THAT… FCG: THIS FEELS SO INSANE TO ADMIT, BUT FCG: OVER THE COURSE OF THIS ADVENTURE, AT TIMES I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO SUSPECT I WAS MY OWN KISMESIS. FCG: HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT???

¡!!!!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!! Kismesis is uh black romantic arch nemesis with sexual intimacy

http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Quadrants

in other words, kismesissitude seems to be based on a mix of hatred and sexual attraction. As it thrives on a rivalry between two trolls, defeating or killing your kismesis is discouraged, since obviously there wouldn’t be a relationship anymore. However, despite the stronger hatred aspect of the relationship, in order for a kismesis to last there must be some level of respect between the those persons involved; the tension in kismesissitude relies not only on hatred and annoyance of ones more irksome aspects, but also a level of admiration for their more positive aspects

even more http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004467

FCG: BUT OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT TRUE, I NEVER EVEN DID ANY LEGIT TIME TRAVELING WHERE I COULD MEET MYSELF, I JUST BICKERED WITH PAST AND FUTURE GHOSTS ON A CHAT CLIENT. FCG: FITTING REALLY. EVERY CALIGINOUS ADVERSARY I’VE CONTEMPLATED HAS ELUDED ME LIKE A PHANTOM, EVEN MYSELF!

Legit my fav… interaction…. Thing… Of all time

me: problems with terezi 1) that “when i became a visible character” altered characterization 2) the flushed relationship with karkat it starts offscreen as a noodle incident … thing their interactions after that are good--like, silly, but i can accept them but what sparked the start of the relationship? the soonest we see is when she violates his privacy to find out the color of his blood, which … has class-connotations for trolls, also violent connotations even tho it was a non-violent act, but basically it’s a … like it reads as blackrom, then whips around to a cutsey redrom the way trolls initially feel about each other (& humans) vs how their relationships develop/want vs need/the general emotional maturation occurring within their complex social system is super neato but sometimes what hussie ships doesn’t …. make sense?? in the sense of making a cogent arc for either/any involved character and/or has problematic repercussions specifically within human social constructs, like “i physically abused you to the point of paralysis b/c i liked you” aka vriska who ends up in redrom relationship with tavros??????? (briefly!) like they have An Energy but the “hitting as sign of embarrassed affection x10000” is not a SUPER great thing to depict (inverted a bit b/c vriska is female so it isn’t just straight-up rape culture really but STILL, a BAD START) sollux and feferi end up together b/c she kisses him to wake his dream-self after he dies???? with ZERO prior interaction on-screen?????? hussie also sets up “trolls don’t gender” and then all the trolls mostly end up in hetero relationships so that’s also weird like karkat’s intense initial blackrom crush on john being played as a joke, a lol it’s funny both b/c karkat is desperate and b/c gayyyyyyyyyyyyyy the saving grace is that a lot of these relationships are eventually unwritten b/c the trolls are like going through adolescence lots of hookups and then character growth and then breakup, sometimes played super well

me: oh interesting the wiki categories things … differently so btw http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Quadrants#Quadrant_Vacillation

Often in quadrant vacillations one party will have red feelings while the other one has black feelings. Usually one party will adjust their feelings to match their partner’s emotions, but this is not always the case. This sort of relationship volatility is one of the reasons why auspistice is an important part of troll culture.

is my life goal like, kismesis is my love but matesprit/kismesis double reacharound “it’s complicated and also violent” is ….hannibal and also my dream!!

Due to the multiple relationship types and the demands of troll society, trolls form groups and chains of Matesprits and Kismesises. A quadrangle is the simplest complete form of such a group of relationships. It consists of four trolls with two Matespritships and two Kismesissitude between them. If one pairing in a relationship group swaps its relationship type it can force all other relationships within the group to swap as well.

polyamory goals~

why is it not me

me: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004553

EB: but also i know that it is probably not exactly an empty threat! EB: since one of you already managed to trick me into getting myself killed. EB: well, in another timeline at least. AG: Man. AG: That was pro8a8ly Terezi! I should have known she would pull something like that. What a meddler. EB: terezi? AG: Yes. The pesky 8lind troll who licks her monitor and smells words and stuff. The one who got you killed. I’m sure of it!

(john’s first convo with vriska) and it MAKES NO SENSE why would you go, oh yes, that person obsessed with righteous justice/vengeance who got so mad at me hurting others that they did a big revenge on me; obviously SHE tricked you to your death it’s an obvious attempt to retcon sense into her inconsistent characterization

me: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/test_index.php?s=6&p=004561

EB: heheh. car cat. that is how i am saying that. EB: beep beep, meow!

(Missy later told me that he had been thinking “beep beep, meow” every time I talked about Karkat and still isn’t sure if it’s b/c I have quoted this to him before or b/c he parallel-evolved John’s phrase)

me: kanaya/rose is the otp to end all otps tho so i guess that’s nice, that the most convincing, meaningful romance is between women, nice job redeeming yourself hussie

Missy: why does he need redeeming? i thought you liked these people

me: hussie is creator

Missy: yes but why he need redemption? do we all need redemption? (deep thoughts there Missy)

me: hussie has Shipping Problems where he sets up his trolls as outside gender binary/outside heterosexuality/with different concepts of romantic relationships and sexuality and then … conforms to heteronormativity like 90% of the time, in part b/c this was written like 7 years ago, in part b/c he’s a generic white dude but he frequently aims for like, diverse characters and dynamics and then defaults to everyone is heteronormative even when it doesn’t make sense/even if the writing for it is lazy/even if it means going against prior established characterization or interactions the true heteronormativity-conquers-all narrative; miss me with that please but every now and then he actually does something approximating the diversity in his worldbuilding, and gracefully so that’s nice

#/#//#///#////#/////#Juu reads #Homestuck #conversations with Missy #spoilers be ye warned #heterosexism tw //#flashing gif under the cut

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alkaloidwitch-blog · 8 years ago

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Practical Spiritualism for Skeptics

or, "I don't believe in Spooky Shit but I'm having a Spooky Experience and I don't know what to do!"

My friend who isn't a witch or anything Like That had a spooky experience just recently. She got locked out of her empty house, while she was in the front yard, and had no explanation for the event more rational than "ghosts??" which she doesn't believe in. There probably is a rational explanation, but she doesn't know what it is and she very plausibly never will; either way, she still has to deal with being freaked out in the present.

Now, as it happens, I have a lot of experience with that sort of problem! I'm a witch, yes, but I'm also a skeptic; I don't think any of the stuff I do or interact with as part of my witchcraft is 'real,' at least not the way rocks are real. And when I was a kid, I had what I knew to call 'an overactive imagination,' which nowadays I call 'psychosis'- hallucinations and delusions. I would see and(/or) become inflexibly afraid of things that on a rational, intellectual level I knew were not real; monsters don't exist, the dead do not rise. But just because I knew it wasn't really happening didn't stop it from happening to me; you can't logic your way out of a weird brain. And for a long time, I was stuck there! I couldn't acknowledge the fake-not-real things that were happening to me, because that would somehow mean I was ‘admitting’ they were real-not-fake.

But it's not that simple, of course. Even the 'sane,' with nothing unusual about their brain, hallucinate sometimes; and people believe things that are provably untrue all the time, likewise without anything wrong with their brains. People just aren't rational creatures with perfect access to the real state of the universe, even when we try to be, and we don't have to think our problems are based in reality to want to do something about them. If a problem is irrational to start with, an irrational solution may be in order. It certainly helped the fuck outta me.

So here's my argument for why skeptics might, sometimes, want to look into spiritualism or other folk esoteric traditions:

Something scary is happening to me that I have an irrational explanation for, but no rational alternative.

Either what I'm afraid is happening is really happening, in which case:

there may be a real solution to this real problem, and if there is you may as well look to what other people have done for that.

Or this is all in my head, in which case:

anything I do that makes me less afraid is an appropriate solution to the problem, even if it doesn't really 'make sense'; and

anything that makes me more afraid, including pretending I'm not afraid and that I understand what's going on, is going to make the problem worse.

We're skeptics; we rule out case 1, barring really good evidence (i.e., better evidence than our own fear). But that doesn't mean the solution to case 1 can't be helpful for case 2. You live in a culture where people kinda-sorta-sometimes believe in irrational things, and you are also afraid of that irrational thing, and the cultural knowledge you share with believers in the irrational may be helpful!

(Disclaimer for the following section: I'm a white American, and most of the advice I have to offer you comes from the European folklore I learned. If this stuff isn't relevant to you, hopefully reading it will give you an idea of the kinds of superstitions you do know that can give you a sense of control when something Spooky is-or-isn't happening.)

Practical advice

There’s some good mundane things you should do anytime you have an Irrational Problem, or anything involving your state of mind- open curtains or turn lights on to improve lighting, clean any clutter, fix anything that could give you perfectly reasonable anxiety (unbalanced piles, open cupboards- that’s an actual folklore thing, at least for the Scotch-Irish). Attend to your hygeine, make sure your environment sounds and smells pleasant. Sleep if you haven’t been, and consider that your real life problems can come out in Irrational ways.

Traditionally, not every 'scary' folkloric creature necessarily has it out for you. A ghost might have the folkloric power to do something freaky like throwing your shit around or locking your front door, but that doesn't mean it wants you dead or even particularly dislikes you. If you're alone, or with people who understand why you're doing it/are also freaked out, try talking to your Irrational Problem.

Maybe introduce yourself, to be polite; just because it isn't real doesn't mean you feeling like you've been polite won't calm you down.

If it 'does something' obnoxious, tell it to stop.

Ask it what it wants.

Look for signs that it's talking back; of course, it is not, but just as perfectly mundane things can be misinterpreted to make you afraid of something that isn't real, misinterpreting perfectly mundane things to make you less afraid is also possible.

Most Christians (or cultural Christians, here meaning 'people raised Christian who may-or-may-not actually believe') that I know have the idea that the Lord's Prayer (from Matthew 6:9-13) can make unclean spirits fuck off. Did someone actually teach us this? Did we just pick it up from horror movies? Either way, it is in fact a longstanding tradition in Christian spiritualism, and so if you learned the text and said it a lot in a religious setting and have this cultural idea that it'll help, repeating the Lord's Prayer may solve your Irrational Problem. (If you're not Christian, but you don't have a suitable substitute, you can use it too as far as I'm concerned.) Here's the version that has the most resonance for me, but feel free to substitute your own nostalgic version:

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory. Amen.

There's stuff in your house that can traditionally be used to make spirits (or whatever) fuck off.

Throwing spilled salt over your shoulder prevents the 'bad luck' spilling it causes; salt is nearly universally kinda magic. If you saw Hocus Pocus, you saw Allison throw salt around herself in a circle; a bunch of folklore beasties can't cross a line of salt. Put it at doors, on windowsills, anywhere that seems intuitively like something could 'come in' through there to keep things out. (Sweep it up if necessary, and try to keep it inside- magic may not be real, but salting the earth is a very real tactic of war.) Dissolve the salt in water for a subtler effect- paint it where you would otherwise leave a line, or flick it from your fingers onto/near any object that's involved in your Irrational Problem- if, for instance, you've got a creepy bit of decor your landlord won't let you get rid of.

Black pepper, and by extension anything else spicy, is good for banishing things. Garlic repels the undead. Make something spicy for dinner and think real hard about how it's gonna make that spooky shit fuck right off.

If you grow your own herbs and are interested in drying some, anyplace you'd leave a line of salt and perhaps any doorway is a good place to hang some nice pungent herbs to prevent your Irrational Problem from getting in.

Similarly, you can always write something to the effect of 'get out and stay out' on a piece of paper and leave it hanging near doorways. Specific cultural traditions dictate particular things be written on this kind of paper charm- in Europe it's often Biblical text and arcane symbols. If you need to be discreet, put something else over it so other occupants and visitors don't get suspicious.

You may have seen that Tumblr post about banging pots and pans and telling a ghost to leave. That was funny, right? It was also serious. Making lots of noise is, in fact, a traditional way to get a haunting out of your house. If your neighbors would complain about obviously extraneous noise, practicing an instrument or blasting music is a fine alternative.

You could carry a candle around your house, through every room, again focusing on making that spooky shit leave. If you have anything that produces more smoke than a candle, that's traditionally even better. If you're okay with smoking inside- regardless of what it is you're smoking- try getting a little bit of smoke in every room. You don't have to set off any alarms or make your house permanently smell like smoke, it's symbolic. (Getting smoke near things is also good for creepy decor you can't get rid of.)

If it's not a big deal to you that your Irrational Problem leaves, as long as it stops fucking with you, there's a number of folklore creatures that accept tribute.

Milk is traditional for fairies.

Some traditions- the ones I can think of are from the African diaspora, so tread carefully here if that's not your background (magic is a cultural tradition, and people may have perfectly good reasons to be miffed about you using theirs)- leave alcohol out. Keep in mind, though, that in the traditions I'm thinking of alcohol gives spirits a great deal of vitality, so this might be best if you've already established a more-or-less friendly relationship with your Irrational Problem.

A bowl of candy would probably work just fine, and wouldn't alarm anyone else who happens to see it. Humans consuming it isn't usually an issue- across many traditions, tribute is often consumed by spirits-or-whatever indirectly through animals or people. Just replenish it if it empties and the Irrational Problem raises its ugly head.

If the thing that spooks you is out of your house- for instance, you get that pesky sense you're being followed (and do make sure no-one's actually following you, because being stalked is an entirely other advice category)- there are a number of things you can do on the go.

Cross yourself, if that's relevant- the traditional way to do it is to tap your forehead, your solar plexus, your non-dominant shoulder (i.e., left if you're right-handed, right if you're left-handed), and your dominant shoulder with your dominant hand. If you're iffy about using a cross, feel free to improvise a different gesture incorporating another shape.

The horned hand, known variously as the main cornu, 'rock on' gesture, 'hook 'em horns' if you are an Aggie (Texas A&M) or know some, the ASL sign for ILY (variant with the thumb extended)- that is, with the middle finger and ring finger flat against your palm, thumb either against the middle two fingers or extended, and the index and pinky fingers extended straight out- protects against the evil eye, and may be useful to you as a general protective gesture.

A wide variety of European folkloric creatures, including both vampires and fairies, are compelled to stop and count anything you throw in front of them. (This is where the Count from Sesame Street comes from.) Grab some sand/dirt/rocks, rip up some grass, grab pine needles as appropriate, and throw 'em on the ground. Over your shoulder is traditional, especially while crossing a symbolic or literal threshold/boundary delimiter.

If you happen to be able to cross running water to get where you're going, that'll also stop a certain class of beastie.

Carry something lucky- a rabbit's foot, real or fake; a four-leaf-clover charm; a pendant or charm to protect against the evil eye; your favorite patch-covered jacket, with the addition of a patch you made for yourself that to you means luck or protection. Touch the lucky thing when the Irrational Problem looms.

If you have something an ex, or an ex-friend, or anyone you've cut ties with gave you, and looking at it or thinking about it makes you sad or uncomfortable- get rid of it, or perhaps even destroy it. It certainly won't hurt any Irrational Problem you're having to not have things that get you lost in your unpleasant memories around.

(Apologies to my witchy followers- I am not usually so dismissive about the existence of esoteric stuff that I don’t, personally, believe to be real-like-rocks-are-real, but I’m aiming at a different audience. Feel free to reblog this if you’d like a quick reference for your skeptical friends!)

#madisonia #skepticism #spiritualism #witchcraft #folklore

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glopratchet · 4 years ago

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astryl-wondering

and he shouts at Cludstrum to stop his program from causing harm and with a sword in hand and says "I am Cludstrum, I have been sent here by my masters to kill you and he bites and eats dirt and sand from the barren dessert that he is in a little demon who is worshiping his God turned the area and stained with blood like the color of grass He thirstily asks "For how long must I live in this barren land? Clay penises A furry armchair seat with a maw in its backside, which is interpreted as a fertility symbol since birth because he wakes up on the forest floor next to a well he had fallen into previously in a Yinnie and Turtle dance the following ngiht: Pledge for the Succubi Incubi Party, Please vote for us, tomorrow! and an alarm will sound warning about a hostile if it detects an aggressive action meaning that stress levels are at maximum and performance is at minimum for vital functions based on line of sight from anyone in those hexes and how noisy it would be Due to exhaustion and hunger priority is given to rest and hunger and failure, he looks up and to his surprise Yinnie and Turtle smile down on him so many times before, he bows down on one knee and puts a palm across his heart he says "Why have you chosen this weakling to grace him with your presence? " "What do you want me to do? but other than that, it is just him and the former demons since astryl dos not know the demon realm sent the computer virus He is quite surprised the two coudl change his mind so quickly and delusion Was it peer pressure? or was it change he wanted? or did he want to slowly perfect himself from the inside out? and die, but another strong memory which is contradicted by the other makes him forget what to do Gorram it! along with a news summary from before the blackout with an extremely hot wind pushing large volumes of sand all over 's code that contain his priorities, changing them around to an unknown end but that's just a name that has been given to them These things leave some bits completely alone no matter how much they are prodded to devour them and astryl is experiencing some sort or identity escesthesia That was just a fancy word for he changes his mind a lot through the script, digit It's a handle but no profile can be pulled up to tell what species they are or anything really It is immensely difficult to communicate or perform any task what so ever flat vector Cludstrom confirms that this the same Mr digit who clued him on the codex You could ask the contacts, but they would mostly say no because astryl would seem out of character to them but if he has the directions to mr digit from before, finding it again should be no problem In that order but then start working agian in 5 minutes and then will 'discover' the virus and then after that, it is game over Sending you back to the ui at one point but then interupted by the virus and allow you to continue the cycle of events The countdown reads 7 hours and 4 min Gorram light rain is falling now, you need to get mr since cludstrom seems to shy away from social interacions "That's what astryl is for" listed before but he fears the rain might wash them away The sun was blocked to such an end affect that the crops inside were spore like and minature like a strand of hair Astryl's soul is unageing, that much is true Only feeble minded mortal-like need for such things You're still very much afraid of what the whole sandbox reality push is to you the other bits like the moldy vikes and dirty calendars just crumble in his hands and excrete other things but not before cloaking himself in moldy flyers But before all this can be done there is an issue of social interaction "You need to get mr digit to start fixing the communications lines Me and you just ain't on the same platform darlin'" What a strange word edible is Social interaction cannot always be verbal speech But most objects have a quality that make them a higher or lower quality most objects are concieved from the fungal mold that grows into them Like bread his hands into Too much technology or use and they overload crashing around him The mite ink clogs things up and mess something aflated Usually the tourch works by exothermic oxidation but it uses too much fuel and other elements that are very rare and hard to find that has water so he would not die from too much dryness but it may have some element unknown to him that is toxic or uneeded by the body until he become too angry to do anything but this will take him a very long time A shadow comes over him Is it from the monoliths towering over his head? since it only reacts when he already captures and immobilizes in with his mercy gloves But something worse happens some kind of colony its called Jansenns Shpawn the town of magos toktek a camp called the hym camp A place to rest in the desert is a cave that belongs to a large worm named Robert you realize have gotten yourself easily lost you begin to search for some kind of hole or crevasse that you can use as shelter disover the entrance to robert the digger and his wife lucys hiding place breaks his nosed which breaks the rotten wood of roberts house Snap goes the wooden beam and then smashing nose waits for his tormentor to awaken and find him just as helpless in the dark Edgar and the crystal's in his eye would hurt if it was not for some strange numbing quality of this bosom "Jev! Still dizzy from concussion astryl turns toward the name of his dead flutemate "Edgar? his sadness to a fine point "Here" Taking out the battery that makes the most noise Aries places it on the ground "feel better? silence is not enough, as always you have to comply with this fool's inept rules "better "do you wanna help me? bruising his swollen cheek "with what! "I need to get all the power crystals out of the weird machines that are blinky and make noise finding another dead thing to play with "ok I will find the rest of the machines and congregate them in this are " Edgar responds enthusiastically to a dead night and wrong scent The dunes were orange not white his situation over and over He can't quite place it but every instinct he has is that something here is terribly wrong? with great care as if the stone ground would shatter to pieces below him, he touchs his pain throbing nose to taste the wetness, carefully putting on his headache one handed It hurt to smile bile in the bushes as his brown eyes glare at the vile magos has instructed him, he raises his shaking arm to shoot the flesh ichor at filth lying to the ratling bastards that outnumber him 4: 1 about how he doesn't have access to any water for them under the same rock as last night watching the gray monsters feast on robert and his wife the light of a crimson sun from his eyes as he and the giant metal man stare at a machine that makes noise and lights up colors an undercurrent of hostility in the magos' asinsault "impossible, " he finishes lamely at his sunburn as he carries the power source from the noisy box back to his waiting overseer the magos' orders via the ad mech's encrypted ECT signal "Found primary site Have exhumed items to feel secure with the blanket tossed over his shoulders by his eccentric benefactor greater intellect with higher grade nutrients and accelerate his evolution so that he may become a cog in the xeno's machine that will transcend humanity the flat scorched earth lit by a ghastly blue sun to join his tribe out the failing noise bleed from the site They will drown in waves of static soon Edgar climbs the ridged gypsum dunes with surprising agility down on you viciously Bloodying your lip, filling your mouth with an unwelcoming copper taste inordinate the multicolored sun pellets at the nearby mutants, as he turns to look the Magos' on his vox across the great landscape expecting to see the blue of an oasis or the green of vegetation his pale hide as he lays on the top of his dwelling place Gideon is nothing more now than another crackling, charred skeleton language parameters, Truth Speak binary for highpoint perches in the formation that would grant him maximum line of sight the men of an approaching dust storm so they may batten down the hatches of the complex and looting the corpses of fallen travelers on the trade route an increasing awareness of the charlatan that the magos has honed him into on a hummus and levantine flatbread sandwich If he didn't know any better, he'd swear that it had oasis juice squeezed into it on his ex-wife's guts as he tears them from her stomach and uses them to choke her to death swarms of rabid ratlings to sabotage large scale attacks solely on the gruel-like food rations and brown water that pass for Of content as the machine slave of a multicolored abomination an eternity in a sensory deprivation tank and becoming One with the emperors loving pulse Kludstrm schematic spending an eternity in a sensory deprivation tank and becoming One with the emperors loving pulse the culprit's DNA to previous crimes an old militia classic as his Depends, haphazardly rigged with explosives, obliterate the terrorist hiding behind before the advancing night, crimsons, purples, and violets flooding the skies in the blue dusk with only a single lamp post for company ever so slightly as multiple systems fail on what the ironmen believe to be an terrorist attack with a million shades of red and orange as the magos' firebomb takes hold furrowing her brow on the front of the magos' robes' deep green field Again, reality splits By the end of the sixth rotation, you're in dire need of a break, but fortunately you've gotten good at sideways thinking on your mental feet, The arrival of the Null Rats has altered far too much and the shadows have noticed you wandering this path

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shellyrobinson · 7 years ago

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Film Assembly

I didn’t know what to expect coming into Film Assembly. I was worried Pro Tools would be like trying to understand Avid. I was pleasantly surprised at how accessible and fun the class ended up being. I didn’t realize how complex sound is and how many layers comprise the aural experience of a film. Things like incorporating an omnidirectional element and making it feel like the sound is changing direction as a person walks towards you was something I’d never previously considered.

I found the lectures enjoyable because all the examples were taken from movies I’d grown up watching, so hearing about them from the person who created the sound felt like I’d reached an important stage of my journey, in terms of filmmaking: like I’d reached the source in order to learn. I loved film throughout my childhood and adolescence so I pursued that to the logical conclusion of making movies myself, and in doing so, met someone responsible for creating the films that influenced me, and got an opportunity to learn from that person.

Deconstructing the sound for Independence Day was a huge deal from this perspective. When we got to the lecture about Heat, I almost lost my mind. That was one of my favorite movies growing up, primarily for the iconic bank robbery scene we watched in class. I was amazed that was production sound during the shoot-out. It reinforced my awe for the epic scope of that movie, and also my love of the score. I don’t remember if there was a soundtrack for Heat, but I had an album by Moby called I Like to Score containing many of his tracks from films, including Heat, and I listened to it incessantly.

This month was also when I got to address incorporating music into the film. Music is a huge deal to me. I have a constant soundtrack throughout my day, starting when I wake up to any time I’m in transition to when I get home and go to sleep at night. I’m only ever not listening to music when I’m in class or dealing with people and I have to be connected to the world.

Music in film is so important to me, and I often imagine the distant day when I actually have enough money to buy the rights for whatever song I want to use in a film. Even being a broke student relying on other students was a hugely validating experience this month because our composer, Brandon Rufer, was amazingly talented. I’m obsessed with his score. Ian and I were like, can you burn this on a CD for us? We want the soundtrack, and young Brandon was like, uh, do you just want me to send it to you digitally?

I have no words for the feeling inspired by the end credits song. I hear it and the film feels complete. After dedicating nine months of my life to this project—from the time I wrote the screenplay in September to now—I was overwhelmed by the feeling of seeing it on the screen. Every time I watched it, I felt like I was seeing the culmination of those nine months of work—everything I put into it and everything I’d ever done—and understanding what I was truly capable of achieving. It was such a powerful moment for me. I can’t think of anything in my life that compares to that. I feel like it only applies to finishing a creative project of an extremely large scope, which is such a time-consuming act that it makes the feelings related to it that much more powerful.

I think this feeling was personal to me as the writer and director, although I noticed that after several dozen viewings of the film on the Dub Stage, it was almost like everyone had been brainwashed and would repeat the same lines over and over again: “Eighty-eight!” “At last, true fans!” “I’ll show them a clownie.”

This was almost intoxicating to me, from an ego perspective. Number one, it was weird that I never got tired of seeing the film no matter how many times that I watched it—there was always something new that I noticed, some small visual detail I’d overlooked previously, and it always seemed more nuanced with each viewing just because it was the first time I’d noticed that chipped brick in the background, the sign on the mirror in the bathroom, the poster on the background of the ticket booth. Number two, hearing everyone incessantly quote the movie that I wrote. I don’t even think that it’s so highly quotable; more that everyone had gone insane from watching it so many times, but to me it felt like I’d achieved what I’d set out to do in creating a commercially viable, marketable project.

Killer Clown Car is not my ninety-minute prog-rock opus; it’s my “Since U Been Gone” summer hit single that everyone wanders around singing mindlessly, without really knowing why. I spent years being educated in fine arts environments and I was never satisfied with the answer to my question of, well how do I take this out into the world? How to I make this palatable for people? I think there’s a terrible divide between what’s entertaining and what’s good, and people think that you have to choose between the two, and I don’t agree. I think you can make good things entertaining, and that entertaining things can be good. Sometimes, you just have to trick people.

color correction

I really enjoyed the coloring session because it opened my eyes to all the possibilities of what you can do with LUTs, especially in terms of applying film grain, which was super important where this project was concerned. It enabled us to distinguish between the “80s” footage and the actual film in a way that was visible and enhanced the distinction between the two properties.

the dub stage

I enjoyed our time on the Dub Stage because it was a new environment to work in. It was where we saw the film come together. One of the most enticing things about the Film Production program versus the Creative Writing program is that during the Bachelor’s, I was always just in a classroom. Here, we go to a lot of different and dynamic places to see the film realized.

When I first visited Full Sail and checked out the Film program, the tour guides were all about seducing us with the sound stage and all the dope equipment. For the Writing program, we were led into a room and given a pencil and a piece of paper. What really struck me about this was the realization that everything I’d just seen on the Film tour began in that room with that pencil and paper, and no matter how simplistic it seemed by comparison, it was imperative for anything afterward to exist. That cemented by decision to go into the writing program instead.

But during Film Production, after being shut up in a room writing for several years, I got to explore different landscapes and that’s made it so much more exciting: going from sound stages to locations to the Dub Stage, and no matter where you go, you carry this one project with you in order to realize it in its completion. I think this was the first month I really understood how much is invested in a thesis project; hence the level of consideration that goes into selecting it. It has to sustain a group of people for months on end and have a potential shelf life that doesn’t expire as soon as a production ends. It renewed my commitment to market the film over the next year for festival submissions in order to see how much further it can go.

sound project

I really enjoyed the sound project because it gave me the opportunity to revisit an earlier project of mine from a sound perspective. I chose my emotion video from VST because my main obsessions during filming that project were editing and music. I cut the video to a particular song from a movie that influenced the video’s creation. I’d wanted to get better at editing that month, particularly using Final Cut, and I related the emotions of Anticipation and Regret to one of my seminal influences, The Rules of Attraction, written and directed by Roger Avery.

It was one of the first studio films cut in Final Cut Pro, and when I started working with my coverage, I saw the appeal in using time-based effects to manipulate visuals, which is a huge element of Rules. The second most compelling thing about the film is its soundtrack and score, composed by tomandandy, because it’s a combination of original music, pre-existing music remixed and remastered, and needle drop tracks from the time period the film is set. I originally used a ninety second tomandandy song for my ninety second emotion video, and for the assignment I recut it to a later song in the film, which necessitated selecting the exact portion of that song that would match the video, since the length was much different.

Revisting this made me comprehend what was so unique and original about the score for this film to begin with: the soundtrack doesn’t do the film justice because it’s missing so much of the original work tomandandy put into it. I could never figure out why my listening experience of the soundtrack felt frustratingly different to the feeling inspired by the film, which is defined significantly by the score, until my research for this project led me to make a distinction I’d only previously suspected: “Aida’s Grand March” is not the version used in the film; it’s a version remixed and remastered by tomandandy specifically for the film, just as Donovan’s “Colours” isn’t the original 70s version, but a slightly improved and enhanced version changed by tomandandy. It’s a subtle difference, but when you want the exact thing you heard in the film, it’s highly noticeable and frustrating. I finally found some obscure Russian website that has every single song from the film, however short, exactly the way it was recorded for the movie.

For the lyrical cut, I was originally going to use a Kurt Vile song I’d been listening to on repeat when I shot the video back in December, which I couldn’t use because the emotion video required that we use no words. Instead I ended up using an Elliott Smith song, “Needle in the Hay” from The Royal Tenenbaums, which was a nightmare to cut to but ended up being more effective.

The sound effects cut was cool because I got to experiment not only with sound but the reversal of sound. In Rules of Attraction, when a sequence is reversed, not only the characters move backwards but so does the sound, which creates a distorted effect. Adding sound effects—which I had to find like a scavenger hunt because I had no production sound—caused me to approach the project in a completely new way. It was easy to see where specific instances required sound: doors opening and being unlocked, a bottle of wine being uncorked, a match being struck—and it wasn’t until I watched my classmates’ videos that I realized I neglected an entire layer of sound, ambience, that could have really enhanced the project as well.

conflict resolution

We made it all the way through production with minimal conflict, which I think is virtually unheard of in this program, so it was odd that the cracks in the pavement started to appear in Post. Everyone had a different idea and strong opinions about the cut of the film, but few people spoke up about it during class and only two people volunteered to be responsible for it, so I had a lot of contempt for the people who said nothing and then complained after the fact, a trend that continued through Film Assembly.

There was this sort of Mystery Science Theater voice-over element that had been added to the trailer, where Sergio goes on this ironic, self-aware, improvised rift (“Why are there so many clowns in this car? I don’t know”) as the voiceover movie trailer guy, and it was funny the first couple times I heard it, but by our third consecutive viewing on the Dub Stage, no one was laughing anymore. It reminded me of last month when Rob said something like, that joke is funny to you guys because you were on the set, but it’s not going to be noticeable to an audience.

After we added the ADR lines that made it sound like an actual movie trailer, the improvisation got cut and I didn’t even notice because I didn’t miss it. People who have never seen the film were not going to get that they’re hearing Sergio recording something off the cuff in Curran’s living room and be amused by that. It’s supposed to be a trailer from the 80s, it’s not going to contain that degree of self-awareness.

A lot of people were miffed about this, on top of several elements about the cut they’d quietly seethed about but never openly vocalized, and it made me realize that this had been a totally different project in other people’s minds than it was intended, and now they were disgruntled that it was becoming what it was originally meant to be: a fabricated 80s flick, creating a window for transmedia marketing, coupled with a modern day story. People were still imagining it as a personal project conceived in somebody’s apartment. And it was like, sorry, bro. That’s not what this is. I think that after months of feeling like this was a purely collaborative process, it was the first time people realized I had a level of influence from having written and directed the project that resulted in things being different than they imagined and it was the first month I got that Mackey level of backlash.

I’m not sure what Cloak of Invisibility protected me up to this point, but it was hard having to cast that off and be openly stubborn, obstinate, and indifferent to the people I’d once dealt with through kindness and a certain receptive nature that implied I was taking their suggestions much more to heart than I actually was. I became, in short, a jerk, and for the first time during my term, my approval rating went down and I felt shunned by the very people who’d once respected me. At first, I felt hurt and then angry, but gradually I realized it meant that I was capable of executing what was best for the project over the opinions of other people, which are often misguided, irrelevant, and largely terrible.

What helped me during this period was visiting the set of Lucid, where maybe half of Mackey’s crew supported him and the other half were like hiding behind a piece of scenery, vindictively plotting his downfall. Whatever Dawson’s Creek whiny drama was happening in my cohort was nothing compared to the full throttle Game of Thrones action in the Lucid cohort. It made me understand that if you want to represent a singular vision, people are not always going to like you, but at the end of the day it’s not how people feel about you as a person, it’s about how your film looked as a result of what you were willing to do in the name of executing it.

There are a lot of really talented, smart, good people in this cohort, and I have a great deal of affection for them, but I also have respect for Mackey for being driven and ambitious enough never to prioritize other people’s feelings over his vision for the film, which is singular. Most people are dictated by the court of public opinion and will not act without regard to how people view them because they can’t stand to be condemned, judged, or openly disliked. Mackey’s never cared about any of that.

I thought the set design was beautiful and I think it will result in a beautiful film. I also can’t imagine navigating a production with that much backlash. I think the way I dealt with my cohort was socially intelligent in that it created an environment of loyalty and productivity, but I think it was artistically weak in that I could have accomplished more by forcing my hand as a director. One of the things I’ve benefitted most from in this program is being able to observe other cohorts parallel to my own, and learn not only from what worked and didn’t work in overseeing a crew of people, but witnessing what works and doesn’t work under completely different styles of directing in other cohorts.

I said something back in VST about it being the hardest month (even though Experimental was equally difficult, if not more so, because of pitches) only to discover that every month is the hardest month for entirely different reasons. This month was emotionally challenging because it was the first time I had to deal with the rifts in my class resulting from people’s dissatisfaction with the cut and I had to stop thinking of everyone as my friends and classmates and think only in terms of what was best for the film. This was difficult because I felt I’d been playing the peacekeeper this entire time, and having to look at everyone differently and be viewed differently by them as a person in a position of influence who must exercise that influence accordingly in order to preserve the original vision, was painful to me in a way that’s hard to articulate.

I think it was a trying process for me because I’ve always been extremely sentimental about people. I think that it worked to my advantage in certain instances prior to now, because it made people feel valued and good about themselves, which was conducive to attaining a cooperative work output, but I think there were also drawbacks to this for me because I never instilled fear in anyone—which unfortunately a lot of people associate with respect, so if somebody wanted to go completely off the rails in my cohort, they assumed there would be no repercussions for that.

I finally had to team up with the producers and be that jerk that comes in and sets people straight. There was no more, ‘I’m one of you,’ or ‘we’ll hang out later’ because I had to distance myself, and it was really important for me to understand that you can’t always be one with people you have to work above, but it still felt like that last incredibly painful transition you make between youth and adulthood, and it was hard for me to let that go.

Once I did, I felt unburdened in a way I never had, like I understood something important that the Mackeys of this world have always known: your work comes first, and people? A distant second. I wouldn’t necessarily internalize that lesson all the time, but I can’t imagine a more important lesson to learn before heading out into an industry populated by sharks, grifters, users, and schemers.

At the end of the day, it’s not about whether someone got their feelings hurt, but whether or not the project remained intact as it was intended.

luke’s class (there and back again)

Visiting Luke’s class was one of the most important things I did this month even though it in no way related to sound. It healed a lot of the divide I felt from everyone when I had to openly acknowledge myself as director first, their classmate second, and their friend at a distant last. I’m not sure what it did for the students I spoke to, but for me it was incredibly cathartic to revisit the mental and emotional journey I’ve been on throughout this process. Luke’s class this month was mostly female, which was the complete opposite of my cohort and was interesting in that I had a perspective they maybe related to. I don’t know exactly what I said but I know that I spoke from the heart and I felt a connection with them when I spoke.

This program has been challenging in ways I could never have imagined. It’s my fifth straight year of school and it’s the closing of a much longer journey. It was an emotional experience for me because we started this program with Luke. We were his first class in the Masters program, so it held a lot of meaning for me to go back to where I started and remember how I got here.

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