#and theyd be like no. spell it out for us and id be like no you gotta guess. part of the conversation is just understanding the vibes

[nerdie-faerie]

I love how conversations spiral with my mother e.g.

Telling my mum I'm going to a concert for my birthday prompting her to mention the concert she's got coming up that she's apprehensive for -> the conversation ending with my mother telling me I would have starved to death in the past because she believes my picky eating tendencies would out weigh my survival instincts

Because that's exactly how I think too

[nobodywritingao3]

angst au of Your Love. alternate version of the story that i dont htink ill end up writing but a version of the story that i really like :3

bullet point fanfic (long post)

so. the version of your love that im writing wont get taken into this direction at all, but i really liked the plotline of this potential fanfic

i dont think ill ever write it but i thought it was cute and fun and mostly just angsty which is 100 percent my cup of tea :3

Your Love AU that will probably never get written lol

picks up several years after phil's reveal (background info: phil is a giant who adopted wil, tommy, techno who are humans. he revealed his nature to them a few years prior in a way that really scared them. vore involved.)

in this au, the family never really healed from what happened

the kids grew steadily distant from him as the years went on & phil tried to make peace with the fact that after they turned of age, theyd probably refuse to see him

he's right, after tommy becomes an adult all three of them disappear from his life

if i were to write this fic, id probably have an angsty chapter where phil tries to invite them home for special holidays and anniversaries and they refuse to come home / gradually refuse to pick up the phone at all, and eventually he gives up and just drinks the holidays away to avoid having to deal with the pain

eventually the king tracks him down & this time phil doesnt win

phil is captured and brought to the kings' dungeons to act as his executor via eating any prisoners or such that the king doesnt like

phil doesnt want to do this so the king casts a few spells on him to make him more compliant as well as to completely erase his memory

phil gets used to his life as a prisoner. insert another angst chapter where phil is abused by the king and made to live in horrible conditions but accepts it because he doesnt think he deserves better. lots of self worth problems and ":( im a horrible giant monster that eats people ;-;" phil just having a horrible time

eventually one of the kids has to return home for something.

pov switch to that kid and a quick catch up chapter where their life is going pretty well, theyre sucessful and happy but theres always a sense that something in their life is missing or wrong. they feel a little guilty for ditching phil. for extra drama the three kids grew apart as adults

they need something from home, so they call the house and no one picks up. they keep calling and nothing happens so they start to worry. they call their siblings and eventually the worry grows

after an uncomfortable chapter where theyre together and weighing the pros and cons of returning home, they argue and agree that they need to check on phil

they go home and find the house completely ruined because of the king's abduction, which at this point happened a few years ago.

they guiltily reflect on the fact that they had no idea that phil had been in trouble for years at this point. angsty reflection chapter where they finally have to confront how they feel about him

they agree to go look for phil

they spend time scouting and researching and are almost ready to give up when they hear through the rumor mill that the king has a "domesticated" giant hes using to execute people

the giants needs handlers because it keeps eating the people who fill the position - most people take the side of the handlers and think the giant is a monster, but tech,wil,tommy see through that and know phil wouldnt eat anyone unless provoked

they sign up to be handlers and because the king sucks the hiring process is flimsy and they get the jobs right away

the potions made phil an amnesiac who doesnt remember anything, including his kids

so tommy, wilbur, techno have to act as his jailers and handlers while he doesnt remember a thing

in the beginning of their relationship he doesnt trust them and kind of hates them, he threatens to eat them a few times and it badly freaks them out, but they tough it out

eventually their relationship grows a lot stronger

caring for him while hes sick and abused makes them see him as he is and theyre all very regretful for inadvertantly putting him into this position, but they never want to tell him how theyre related to him

he likes them and begins to see them as sons but he refuses this part of him because of his self worth problems

theres always an underlying tension, because in the beginning phil had threatened to eat them for real and theyre always acutely aware of the fact that they are his jailers

as they grow closer the king gets angry at them for cutting phil too much slack. insert a horrible angsty scene where the boys are forced to hurt phil and he takes it because he knows the situation theyre in. forced whumpage

at the end hes exhausted and beat down and the kids are all on the brink of tears but he tells them he forgives them

the king's surveillance puts a new strain on the relationship

they start plotting even harder on how to break phil out

the king wants to break down phil's spirit because the kids are starting to uplift him, so he cruelly tells phil that he actually has three kids on the outside who never came for him / abandoned him

tommy, techno, and wil are all losing their minds as this is happening because theyre worried about the effect itll have on phil as well as if this means the king has figured them out

phil is a mess after finding out he adopted human kids who abandoned him when they found out what he was and wil, tech, tommy have to take care of him and get him out of his depressive funk while fully knowing they caused it

insert a few angsty scenes where he talks to them about his sons and is obviously very distraught about it

the boys try to bring him back to baseline but its not going well

they hear through the kings' servants that the king is planning to execute phil because hes getting harder to control, and his most recent bout of sadness has rendered him harder to use

wil, tech, and tommy really start to panic now. they figure out a way to get phil out of the castle

they do the escape attempt

something goes wrong and phil eats one of them thinking theyre one of the king's soldiers, which makes him lose his mind because he thinks theyll die

after the other two get him out they have to explain to him that its fine cuz his nervous system is wired to recognize him as his kids

hes pissed and angrily explaining to them how this is impossible. he does see them as his kids, but his nervous system didnt rewire itself because they were already adults when they met him

reveal time

phil is their dad lollll. those children who left him behind and didnt find out he was missing until years after are wil tommy and tech

phil fully starts to lose his mind

he brings up whoever he stored and they help him shrink down into his human form

hes still an absolute mess. he feels ashamed and embarassed and betrayed and angry / lots of other horrible conflicting emotions

pushes him into the a very sad mood and the boys have to take care of him again

the relationship gets better over time and phil starts to recover

theres an argument between phil and the kids and it makes the relationship tense and awful again

the king comes back looking for phil

he almost dies and the kids save him, and then he has to save them

they get closer

happy ending

it definitely gets less fleshed out by the end, but yeah. basic plotline for the your love angst au i dont think ill ever end up writing.

this would be a story where phil is a giant for like 98% of the story, and vore would probably feature in every single chapter. itd probably be a bit spookier than my other stories for that reason

let me know if this is something youd ever want to see me properly write. i have a lot of passion for this idea and at a better time its the kind of thing id start writing up right away.

im trying to think of a nickname for this au. i think ill go with love stuck from the mother mother song

cool cool. thanks for reading my nonsense!

editing to add a poll actually

[hostilemuppet]

Hello, long time regem follower here, I was wondering: Since the non-human characters change their appearances when they go to the overworld, do they also use nicknames or can they just say "Hi, I'm Zircon" and everyone else is cool with it? If they use nicknames, what are they?

it depends on the character! both in terms of their personality (would they care enough to come up with a fake name to hide their real identity?) and whether their real name could pass as a human name

i think zircon still goes by zircon. it feels like itd be a name a cool faux-punk artsy chick would pick for herself, and thats the vibe she wants, she WANTS men to think she can be their manic pixie dream girl so she can pick them off easier

sunstone, she cant exactly go by sunstone if she wants to make it big online and not be laughed off as a run-of-the-mill weirdo, so she instead goes by sunny. moonstone doesnt have a "name"; he tells every girl he pursues a different name, and when sunny mentions her manager she only calls him "luna"

amber is already a human name so theyd have no problems there. aquamarine REALLY wouldnt care but i think amber and maybe cinnabar would get worried about it, so maybe they call her "marina", which she thinks is dumb. cinnabar could probably get away with being called "cinna", or maybe cindy

jade, again is already a name

sapphire i think would go by ms sapphire, with it being her surname. she would not answer when asked for her given name

bloodstone is tricky, bc she doesnt really... interact often with any humans other than isaac, but isaac would still need a name to tell people about his girlfriend, and bloodstone isnt exactly a rock you can easily get a name out of. im thinking something super on-the-nose goth, preferably vampiric sounding bc. yknow. bloodstone and isaac are vampire themed. id want it to be very thematically sound even if it wouldnt be used as much as some of the others, bc shes a very theatrical character! maybe "ambrosia" bc of her goals of immortality. itd also be really funny to just call her shiela though, since she is "australian"

alexandrite can just go by alex / alexandra, except i think the russian version of it is aleksandra? and shes "russian", so maybe itd be cute to have her spell it aleksandra

kyanite wouldnt have to worry about a name bc she already looks fucking weird enough on her own, same with corvid. dragons breath opal is already mostly just called "opal" anyway

rhodizite, they have a stage name, they are rocky rhod. serpentine and obsidian also probably have stage names but i dont know yet. maybe they can also be ice cream flavours or other desserts that reference their actual rocks

ruby and jasper are already human names. pyrite doesnt even bother with a human form (he is never shown wit it ever, he will remain the shlubby little critter forever) so he also wouldnt bother with a name, except for how the humans who discuss the rumours of him in hushed rumours know him only as "fool's gold"

the tourmalines would still just call themselves the names the nicknames they use back home: cherry banana and kiwi. maybe banana goes only by "nana"

and finally, 2ircon goes by bunny, which is the nickname isaac gave her bc he felt bad calling her numbers

[single-malt-scotch]

ok so i am home from my vacation and i have only had time to watch bdubs' SL pov and hlf of cleo's rn. regardless wanted to ramble my thoughts on this session and fair warning it isnt gonna be super positive (the short: didnt really like it) so yeah.

reminder though i absolutely Love these people. i love how they play and theyre great and im watching first and foremost bc i like seeing them have fun. my issues lie in the series' mechanics, how it plays, the technical function, management etc.

the thing about watching one pov is i feel like it can also spell out other issues but i will get to that later

obviously the big thing. the "infection" task. listen.... the concept of a boogeyman infection by itself is cool! i like that! but.... not here?????? out of all series.

there is no regen, and this fact is conflicting to me because i feel like the boogey should be struggling against those theyre trying to infect, and minecraft's regen would be that struggle, like it has been for every past boogey chasing their targets.

you have to kill everyone not red? not red???? so like 90% of the server? insane.

this was an EASY TASK........... this pisses me more on what this season's rules have been implied to be. suddenly, they arent really making sense. i will go into this deeper.

this just doesnt seem like the right place to plant this task. it is hugely impactful and feels like it is happening for no reason. if they were going on like 10+ episodes and grian was formally like "well, secret keeper wants this wrapped up so lets see what task hes gonna give all of us!" and then boom, this is it. then cool. make up a proper excuse like wrapping up the season.

it was too much of a shocker, unprepared for, and with how intense it is by needing to kill everyone left it feeling very unfair to the people i was watching. Bdubs had just died previously and now lost all his hearts in one session because of the force of another task. as did many others. if there was to even be any slight alteration to more "fairness" it could have been "the one you killed is now boogey. hand them the book and make them kill someone by themself. you are no longer infected. you cannot kill the person who killed you." or something idk. every part of the server going after one person is way too much.

regarding rules and whatnot, i was already kind of annoyed by this previous session too. there are two tasks now that have me going "how tf is this "easy"?" Bdubs' task of chicken causing damage-- an amount that had to go as high as anyone could stand it-- seems way too harsh as an easy task. there were a few tasks where health could be lost, but none of it was deliberate "lose as much as possible". losing the same amount of health as another player (like grian and joel) is not the same as telling the player they basically need to lose as much as possible compared to someone else in order to win the challenge. grian and etho's hard tasks took a lot of damage (to others mostly lol) but it was a destructive hard task. bdubs' with the dragon was as well.

but gem's task especially... i mean, holy crap. that is a red life's task, or a hard task at most! even if i liked the whole thing i think id still be on the page of saying that is not an "easy" task. a red life getting this task would have been interesting too because it would put a ton of risk on them to survive and get it done. and sure, theyd get some allies in the infected but theyd still be a target in the fights. that would have been tense for them!

cancelling out all of the others' tasks when they were infected made sense but it totally changed the direction of people's videos. it forced them to be different to everyone. suddenly the first quarter or half of the video is just void and pointless. when the tasks basically direct their entire motive and how they act towards everyone, forcing them into big choices they cannot change, i think its bad. social tasks that pass off as kind normal are funny (etho's weeping angel, get scar to talk abt star wars, compliment ppl when they take damage etc), or outward and confusing but not character controlling ones (kill the dragon, connect your base to others, etc). ones that direct a player so strongly shouldnt ruin their interactions with everyone else either (playing tag-- took up a lot of time but players were "neutral" to everyone and carried on as normal).

some people were saying this task could be to speed up the series. im not really sure abt that. regardless i am sure they thought this would just be an interesting thing to do and thats why they did it. (i have seen martyn on here sometimes talking vaguely abt tasks being random and whatnot and no offense to him but it doesnt sound like at all he does have all the information to knowing this. i mean, why would he? hes a player. the admins are doing things he has no clue about. hes not even firmly stating anything. hes just saying what he knows, which i dont think is at all everything the admins are doing in front of them). i have seen this series play with many balance issues through its lifetime and i think this season esp shows a lot of that again. grian stated around one season how theres no play testing really. the admins might run some stuff i guess but theyre not testing much. and thats very obvious when limlife had that issue of deaths not showing in chat (and hey look, it happened again!) or boogey kills in LL and LimLife (along with normal kills in Lim) not being detected by means that were not direct (mechanically this just happens, you cant fix it. but they did not prepare to deal with this at all and it was chaotic to watch in Limlife and caused a lot of confusion on who got time).

i have repeating some of these things about SL already so i dont want to drone on again. i have been kinda neutral to SL because many eps were fine, i didnt love every task (personally didnt like etho getting so many "out of character" ones, like please give this man a break he is so socially awkward its hard to watch). but this session and last session have me not enjoying the task concept.

from the start i just wished this season was about not being able to regen hearts and thats it. i need something simple, dude. its getting convoluted. and its obvious with the amount of hall monitoring and the amount of talk the cc have in these videos telling hall monitors to stop, to explain successes or failures, etc etc. they should have to do that. limlife already had some ppl getting picky about who got time or not but this is even more subjective and confusing!! im sure theyre still having fun and i like seeing them having fun here but as a viewer im just seeing a concept that has too much going on, stuff that doesnt have a simple yes or no answer sometimes and i dont think thats good for a series like this, one that started out so incredibly simple and straight forward.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

What's your new book idea?

ypu guys enable me sooooooo much i luv it 💞💞💞💞💞💞

so theres this kid. vincent. (i keep almost calling him victor whoopsie doopsie!) vince is freshly 18 and he WOULD be a dorky kid- he wears red color contacts for godssake- except everyone is wary of him bc he has a Record. he's acutely aware that most people think hes gonna pull a columbine and tends to use his reputation to his advantage

his only friend is a loud autistic girl, emily. theyve been besties ever since first year of high school and she doesnt really find him intimidating at all. she KNOWS hes intimidating but she can follow the logic vince has wrt the things he does. vince also has an identical twin brother named theo. he's a weeb! their parents tried to drive a wedge between them since they see vince as the Bad Child and theo as the Good Child, except it didnt really.... work....

vince n theo's parents range from neglectful to outright abusive depending on the day. theo shrunk inward while vince developed conduct disorder. sorry vince

anyway vince gets diagnosed with aspd Literally on his 18th birthday. once again sorry vince. at least ur therapist got u a keychain! (its a keychain of izaya but idk if i can namedrop him in the book)

so vince is reeling over that and doesn't think he's all that bad mentally- and what IS there, he can control. he's also piss bored and NEEDS a distraction from his recent diagnosis

so he uh.... does. a questionable move

this is where i say the plot deals HEAVILY with sexual assault, rape, (vince is NOT the assaulter) and child abuse, medical neglect specidically so uh. under da cut is the rest

so vince gets wind that one of the teachers is, uh, molesting students. and instesd of being normal about it, he decides he wants a closer look. namely, he wants to expose the teacher while using himself as bait. emily, a csa victim herself, tries to talk him out of it but he doesnt listen :|

this goes About as well as you'd expect! so its a novel about vince kinda like, grappling with the fact that he really cant control his piss bad mental state, and both his choldhood trauma and his newfound trauma! and also some fucked up New Shit his parents did. plot twist vince has a heart condition!! this is gonna be foreshadowed in that he does get dizzy spells and faints a lot and when he has panic attacks his heart rate and blood pressuee spike WAY high, even by panic attack standards. anyway his parents didnt do anything abt it bc they were kinda hoping itd kill him :| bc theyd rather he be dead than they have to deal with him

and then theres a prom chapter in the middle of all this. vince and emmy go together as friends- shes a little into him but hes gay and shes kinda getting over her crush lmao. shes bishrexual

this didnt rly grt too in depth wrt the plot but yeahhhhhh psychological horror coming of age novel??? except with accepting a mental health diagnosis too? yea

this all started as "what if i wrote a book eith an aspd main character except i didnt SAY he had aspd explicitly so itd sell, but id heavily hint at ir throughour???" and now its this

[hopeheartfilia]

take on the two main "" fractions "" at the start of all of our demise, book two of all of us villains:

cuz youre royals you rebels you more then one together before however you go ever in ever after high.

Basically, Id say that brione and uh. the family code guy who had the sword(i dont want to forget his name but. no pov) anyway, the two of them are still trying to uphold their family stories, and isobel is very much being a macaslin as well, even if she has some feelings about it hers are more along the lines of not really feeling like a macaslin to begin eith and stripping it down to the "survival" at any cost, so charatheristic for them that they have a family spell of it, apprently. So id say in the eah cathegories theyd be royals, which is fascinating, as they are the ones trying to break the curse and the story, but the thing is, they are trying to unravel it and so it makes sense that its the people acting like their families champions, even if isobel is kinda more towards the middle due to her emotions and presentation

On the orher hand we have Alistair and Gavin, as well as Hendry, who are both in their own ways actively rebelling against their families, i mean. murder is pretty clear, and their supposed parts in the story. everything from their landmarks to their allies and plans is very against their original families

after hendry appears again alistair Does start acting a bit more like a lowe - thats what hes been thaught he needs to do in order to win, and now he hs a motive to win, which might put him in that uhhh. Raven Queen moment where she almost signed the book out of fear of everyone going poof.

so anyway that would put them in the rebels part, although im thinking somethibgs about the rapunzels because there is a split end there. anyway it could be applied in interesting ways if someone were to make an au

But also i juat think the justaposition of how much the ones actively trying to dispell the enchantement are the ones mostly going with their family stories and the ones staing with the usual tournament are the ones moat rebeling against their place

Of course in all of us villains when bryane writes her own name on the pillar thats a very rebel move, she is choosing her own destiny and it cracks the stone - pretty against the roles in the story, but id argue that after her tall with finley)(!!! i rembered his name. randomly without thinking much) even if she is not in accordance with her fanily wishes she is still behaving very much like a thourbourne and the "hero" as shes called out cor several times

anyway i juat found it interesting

[sanchoyo]

i started watching arc v! finally. after years of saying Im Gonna. its Happening. (i've tried to twice and cant recall what eps i got to in those attempts, because I literally dont remember anything at ALL LMAO) I'm like, 15 eps in and may I just say some Things. ep 1-15 thoughts below the Cut

-yuzu best girl immediately my god shes already been done dirty tho. she shouldve gotten to fight shingo! fuck emo yuya for stopping it and stepping in! (altho yaaaay xyz :3 my beloved) and also she loses the first duel we see her get to do? when her dad is literally the owner of a duel school?? and his school was at stake?? bc she was distracted thinking of Not Yuya? no. fuck off with that lol I'm picking her up and mentally rewriting all that. the girl she dueled against was super fun tho, I ship them tbh.

-yuya is finally the canonical clown ygo protag I needed. he dresses as a clown in ep 1! he has! a circus deck! thats so fun! hes a LOT more melancholic/prone to moodiness than I expected...the goggles as a mood indicator is fun. also seems to care VERY much what ppl think/need lots of applause and praise or he gets upset quickly which. like, wanting to put smiles on ppls faces with dueling is a sweet goal, but a lot of it feels self-serving, too, which is Inchresting for a protag...I LIKE it and want to see where it goes

-and the whole 'laugh when you want to cry' is, ngl, very Bad and Unhealthy and I cant imagine we're going anywhere good with that. (seriously, dont recall what ep, maybe 4 or 5, when the kids and yuzu were in danger he started LAUGHING trying to imrpove his own mood and i was like DUDE. UNNERVING STOP THAT.) let him feel his feelings guys. or this is going to go severely Bad I Think

-dont trust sora but also no shit? his intro is him being sus, basically outright saying 'ya where I come from everyone does fusion, nbd' yeah hes some kind of spy or SOMETHING for that academia that emo yuya was taking abt. and his deck is very cute but also has a dark side/creepy cute thing going on and this is ygo where Decks Indicate Personality, so. just kinda Waiting for him to Stab Backs. hes already kind of a little shit

-he 100% shouldve been dueling that guy gongenzaka had to duel! gongenzaka doesnt even GO here and ms Chairman said someone from this school had to duel her school students! if you want to fake being friends with yuya! you need to fucking put in some EFFORT!!! and at least pretend to give a shit dude, this is the school the guy you supposedly admire attends!!! it comes off as u not giving a fuck abt anything besides pendulum/yuya-related stuff which is gonna make yuya less inclined to wanna be ur friend bc u look like a brat! (I know the meta answer is that they wanted to give gongenzaka some screentime to convince me hes yuyas bff or w/e but. in my mind its been 10 or so eps by this point, yuzu is yuyas bff in my mind lol. )

-anyway that aside soras deck is SO cute. the BEARS!! ARE IN!!!! the 'acting younger/cuter than u are' shtick is already kind of annoying tho. I do like his chara design tho (at least his hair/face? Id redesign his outfit ngl if hes going for a cutecore/sweets theme why not go ALL in yk)

-gongenzaka's whole 'no spells/traps' and standing in one spot during an action duel is objectively really funny

-action duels in general are SO FUN!!! i want to ride my monsters too..i kno theyd be soft. pls.

-really wanted to see more masumi or her vs yuya!!! so sad reiji stepped in. pls let the girls DO MORE!!! i love that she used gem knights!! I love gem knights!!!

-didnt know reiji used d/d/d cards, immediately broke out into a cold sweat upon seeing them. those decks always destroy me in duel links in like 2 turns jkasfkjjn.

-its so funny theres entire classes just for synchro and xyz and most ppl in this world can just Do One of them Only. like everyone being SHOCKED reiji can do All of them LMAO.

-surprised at how much I like reiji actually from just what ive seen up to this point, I mean I Like the other ygo rivals and all but usually they have an Attitude...but hes very polite to yuya and him saying he respects yuya's dad is REFRESHING compared to everyone else calling his dad a coward (for?? seemingly going MISSING??) his fashion choices leave a lot to be desired tho. but otherwise him and yuzu are my favs so far I think...we'll see if this changes!

-I KNOW charas from other series get involved, dont know WHEN thatll be, but I am Excitedly Waiting. give me The King Jack. Give me Kaito. I dont know who all besides those two shows up Actually But Im WAITING AAAA.

[kingmojomonkey]

Personal rant ignore (Dec 2023 part 2)

after a week the texts has stopped as i predicted im both glad/relieved as i knew it was stupid but also a teeny bit disappointed, but now at least i know that there is people i can be attracted to and want to talk to, that may actually like me back idk but its something at least...though they couldve at least liked the last message that is what i would do lol i might mute their insta stories for a few days just so i dont feel a type of way but also I'll put of a pic on mine hopefully looking alright haha but thats petty as shit and feeds into me wanting them to text when i know its dumb territory

Update 15 dec 2023, 5 days after the start of this post....so the texting didnt stop nor did i post something up, they had text me in like nearly 24hrs when i wrote this but at the weekend at 12.15am my time so 1.15am for them they text me, when clear they were out out/drinking it was an innocent text but i could tell they were out because of the spelling (i know they cant speak english good but it was different to their other texts and the time made me put 2 and 2 together) even though i was awake i didnt text back at that time haha that seemed like an even worse idea then the two of us texting normally does...i was suprised when it was deleted the next day and weve been continuing are texts since then its basically had only been one response to each per day and incredibly innocent and they had been sending some as voice notes as they said it was easier to speak then spell for them in english and hearing them say my name in the way that nonirish or british do (they say it as knee-cole rather than nih-cole) was a feeling haha....but yeah it had been incredibly innocent nothing i would be worried with cuz hey in my head maybe they couldve been just like nicole was a cool person that i met id like to keep in touch with them, because like i said its been incredibly innocent texts helped by only one message and a short one at that too...but today they implied slight more than you are just an interesting person as they added a 😙 to the end of their text (never one to flirt i had sent my normal 😊😅 alongside my replies to the text) as for their reply...they stupidly asked me about work even though i said im currently out of work because i dont start my new job until late january...and their reply was smooth and scary for me "ah that's good then that means we can text more 😏" with a fucking smirk emoji!!! like shit so it isnt all innocent which im still 50/50 because again were both dumb for texting each other diff countries diff languages etc etc, but know they know i dont work so i dont realistically have an excuse not to text them back for like 16hours which is shit haha but also like damn? and I cant really talk about this to anyone because it is all still fairly innocent and been going on for less than 2 weeks so i cant say it to my friend (the one who introduced us) as it is to early to mention when they could just stop talking to me tomorrow and as for my other friend shell think im stupid for responding hahahah

update 16 dec 2023

so I did reply and to my reply they said they were in work and theyd reply later which is fine especially knowing that i dont work rn, but a funny thing happened the slight flirtier text was that we could text more and they put the kissy emoji to the next evolution 😘 which dear god why i never know what to do but i liked it through the notifications bar, and the later on my walk checked that it sent and it did, but later in the evening when i very much knew theyd be off work especially because their timezone is an hour ahead i went to check my messages and it came up that i never opened their text the stupid like didnt send or unsent or something idk but that was funny and stupid for me and we text back and forth for a bit again very innocent...but they again was out with their friends and its clear that theyre someone who goes out or drinks at least every weekend, which shouldnt be suprisisng as thats how i met them, but it calls the stupidity of our interactions into question what if they get drunk and tell their friends they are still texting the girl from the drunken make out who lives in a different country and doesnt speak their language and that makes them realise were being stupid or if they drunk text me something big dumb or more realistically they meet someone else which is the most likely option and ill understand they wouldnt even have to warrant me a text they dont owe me anything that way, we literally made out once, but it will still disappoint me,....however as they have been getting brave again with their texts how am i meant to flirt and dear god if we make it to a sexting stage on what instagram that would be so fucking weird and also to what point unless they decide to do a trip to dublin (not staying with me) or gran can or some shit nothings ever going to happen...but this is just my stupid over thinking in question they could decide tomorrow to stop texting me or more realistically monday because theyll probs be out drinking again tomorrow, its only been like 12 days for all i know im just theyre manic pixie dreamgirl that blew in from a different country and had a slight interest in them and gave them more confidence then they generally do apparently (my friend and the other girl that knew them was suprised that they went in for a kiss and a long one at that) and when the idea of me goes so will the texting idk everrytime is dumb and i also like the idea and the possibility of them but is the fact that they are unattainable realistically the draw? idek lol

Update 17 dec 2023

So they were out last night, they had sent me a love heart at end of last text, but i was pretending to go out too so the text had just said speak to you tomorrow followed by ooh have fun too with the heart, which i just liked because that doesnt warrant a reply because all i could of said was okay or thanks...and they haven't text me all day, maybe the copped on that i have sent a kissy emoji or genuine heart emoji back or maybe they just realised the whole situation is dumb i dunno but either that was a last text or theyll text me in a day or too i just know i cant be the one to text again today, the ball is in their court because i know for the next month at least that im not going to see/make out with anyone -unless i go out to either of my uni friends but they both have partners so its not like we'd be going clubbing lol so chances of that are slim- so idm texting harmlessly and getting to know them and a bit of flirting but they are going to be the one who will have to either ignore my existence or straight out say something either like we'll see where this takes us or this is dumb lol.....its been a few hours after i wrote this last piece and it is very much clear to me that i want them to text and that scares me...because do i like them or do i just like the attention i have gone from at least 4 non family people (in ibiza i was surrounded by other roughly my age or in same experience and in college i was too) now it is only my mam and sisters, so is it the attention of someone who is not a family that i like or do i like them? and like clearly i like them enough that i gave them my insta and made out and danced with them that night when i had another option that night (a friend of theirs who tried too too hard) and to be honest they do seem like a genuine person their job is okay, they spend time with friends and family and theyre really sweet.....and this is a problem for me because i have caught the slightest of feelings for them or even just to see where this goes which could literally be already done by now if they dont reply until tomorrow because idk and yes i could easily text them and just be like hey how was your day but its 21.37 there now and i know they do be up early early like 6am so it would be late for them if i text now and also if they did meet someone last night i dont want to pop up as a notification ugh i shouldve text earlier but now its too late idk idk idk idk why am i so awkward

Update 18 Dec 2023

I kinda gave myself panic attack over the situation...because in my head i was like oh if they text me in the morning before they go to work its fine but they didnt and then i was also thinking maybe because i just liked their last message maybe they thought i wasnt interested and that was panicking me (when in reality it is more than likely because they realised its dumb that we text) so idk...but i left them a text there just hey how are you how was your weekend and a smiley face if they dont reply in 2 days i know its over (and id go in and delete my message lol) and they judt reply with good and no extension message I'll know and I'll try to fizzle it out like i was initally...it just fucks me up more because they had got a bit more flirty in the last couple of days if they hadnt i wouldve been fine leaving it the way it was idk but i feel like a dumb bitch for getting anxiety over it...update from many hours later, they did reply (though had i not text I'll never know if they weren't going to) and it was nice...then they later asked me for my actual phone number for whatsapp because it's somehow easier there idk idk what change having them on whatsapp will be but it who knows....however whatsapp in general scares me because i always feel so close to accidently writing or ringing the wrong person

Update 21 Dec 2023

So they added me on whatsapp and the texts continued they have been sending some kissy emojis and hearts and shit, though the conversations has been still very innocent...they sent a photo of themselves (and their mother technically haha) and though their head is probably the length of my torso because they are super tall they are still cute, which meant i was suppose to text them back a pic and i stupidly forgot to put it on the once off picture thing which sucks so it means they just straight up has my pic now but its an alright one im literally outside with my jacket hood pulled up and shit jaha....but they text me something brave and i dunno how to feel about it lol, like i get their idea because why would we bother to text if not to eventually meet up, basically they figured out I'm free until the end of jan and said they might potentially come to dublin....scary thought but exciting nonetheless...if they did come though, they must get a hotel cuz they cant stay with me and i would prefer if they came with a friend so there wouldnt be an immense pressure on me because we dont really speak the same language so of they came with a friend they can still do things together and then maybe we could meet up and if they did decide to come desr god let it only be for like 1 night 2 max because again so much pressure...but also if someone who i only made out with once and just very innocently text since flies to my country in the hope of going on a date/fucking me how would my ego ever recover lol...when they said about possibly coming to dublin i just replied with ooo that would be nice, as thats not a yeah totally book it in or its not a ew why would you do that its potentially like a maybe...but i was also talking to my friend and i do need to make it clear that im going to gran can and i wont be able to easily hop back and forth to amsterdam like maybe when im in mallorca it would be easier but who knows lol its crazy and i feel like i need to text the friend whos in amsterdam for more advice lol but shes going to think im so fucking dumb for texting them but she is also the most romantic out of us all so i think she would be the most like aw no way but i need to make sure she is in ibiza when i text haha so she cant spread it to her friends and it gets back to them that ive been talking about them....also theres the possibility that it won't happen and the possibility that between now and new years even that they'll meet somebody else and all will be done so idk whether its worth it to tell her ill wait until the 27th of dec to tell her thats 6 days I'll see what happens there....and also the weird thing about the texting is weve never been like oh i like you or your cute or hot or whatever and they had been sending the emojis and i was just sending back smileys but when they said goodnight after the dublin thing i sent back a love heart for the first and i havent got a reply but f them i replied first the other time they can text if they want to if not fine

Update 22 Dec 2023

so they still havent replied since i did the love heart with the goodnight and tonight is friday so theyll be defo going out so I'm probably not going to get a text again i think that was it lol but im going to post a pic to my insta later and one of the field on whatsapp to get them to maybe see it lol...in a very insecure insecure way im thinking why when i finally send them back a heart after them sending it to me and me just doing smileys have they not text the insecurity in me is thinking were they only texting to see how long or what would make me send something back or express emotion i know that a shitty insecure way to think but it is where im at right now like even if they had replied at all yesterday or today it wouldve been better i wish i didnt put the heart at the end of it because it came up seen and all so they clicked onto it....well at around 9 ill post a picture on insta so theyll see it and i wonder if then ill get a text lol.....they viewed my story so like why not just text me, i know i said it would be okay if they stopped and it would but like not on a vulnerableish text if even if it was just a hear emoji lol...and more so like why did they get me on whatsapp, why didnt they just leave it with insta, they text for a couple of days and brave texts too on whatsapp for what reason? at least had it of just been insta you could just let if fizzle out like but why oh why....and the annoying thing is i do really want them to text but i really cant be the one to text back this time i also have been on my period for this journey which also isnt helping so i dont know how much my emotion is my own or just dumb hormones but still ghosting after them last few messages wtf

Update 24 Dec 2023

So it's been 4 days since the last text so I think thats that, shit that the end was at xmas and I also was on my period so i was feeling the hormones hard, but i really don't see them texting again and i am not going to as my 'goodnight 💕' was the last text so it really is on them, and i know 4 days isn't really a long time but when it had been a text or half text everyday it does seem like a lot...and unless i get a text tomorrow or the 26 saying sorry i was busy or just merry xmas how are you i will make no attempt to text them back....but again why ghost after getting flirty mentioning dublin and finally get the heart off me why dip then? dip when it was just how are you good what about you dip at boring times not when things are getting flirty but whatever i have know since the start that it was dumb dumb...but i am self aware enough that i know ill probably panic write about this over the next week lol

Update 25 Dec 2023

will i be desperate and send them a merry christmas even though they never text? it is such a desperate plea for a text and they could ignore it or worse like it its just going 10pm there will i chicken out out is it way to desperate will i leave until 10.30 here so its 11.30 there so it will seem like a drunk text who knows not me will update later....desperate me left a merry christmas 😊 text ew i hate myself for it lol

Update 28 Dec 2023

They did reply and weve been texting a bit again just really about xmas and families stuff like that...I can tell that they too, are insecure, from two separate mesage interactions one was the sent a picture off the table of an afters party and then basically sent an oh shit that on the table wasnt from me (a bag of weed was what they were implying, but everyone in my fam smokes it and they're from amsterdam and it was only weed and alchol on the table lol) which i thought was funny because like why send the pic apart from to show off that they were out lol but when i said i didnt care they were oh i was worried when i realised what was in the photo (i think nah i think they wanted my opinion on weed lol) the 2nd insecure thing was when we were talking about family i asked them was there family big and they responded but they are a multiple small texts texters whereas im paragraph texter but if you join the small texts it basically makes one paragraph text lol and yes my response to what they were saying was a bit dry but i was responding hours later and it was more of a statement that they had sent rather than something i could yes and, and then a good while later they replied, and i paraphrase, "four messages one story a little too enthusiastic 😅" initially i thought it was a dig at my response and like it is kinda because it implies that while they feel like they overshared it didnt seem like i was interested or something idk but it shows that they were insecure enough about their interest in texting me that they text me that if that makes sense? While i am not one to be puffing up someones ego i did text them back that it was realisticaly 2 sentences and they were responding to something i had asked (i didnt add this part but it wasnt like they randomly volunteered the info) but thats the end of the insecurity shit....so yeah weve been texting again id say only because i started up the texting again and theyve sent like a hi with a heart and a goodnight with like a smiley or like kissy emoji but again tonight when they sent goodnight with the kissy emoji i only replied with the blushy smiley because after i sent the heart the last time i got ghosted lol so we'll see im not going to start the texts tomorrow so well see if they do who knows (while it seems desperate i am not going to say i wont text them im giving myself until new years eve to be desperate and text lol i needed something to do in this time void until then lol)

Update 30 Dec 2023

The texting continued bla blah blah but theyve asked me to facetime tomorrow which fucking scares me! Im awkward enough in texts/in person but video call is even worse? and how the fuck am i meant to look good and not worry and it is also nye tomorrow and how will i not be overheard if theyre getting ready to go out? or worse again if im minding my nephew i cant exactly sneak away for a facetime (also i dont have facetime so itll have to be on whatsapp) dear god this is awkward!!......this is from 4pm the following day - i replied to them pretty late but still replied, i had said "yeah sure" to the facetime and then they had they had been with there friends so i just said "cool, i was watching a movie with my sisters" which would also explain the longer wait time in replying...they 'seen' the message just before 9am this morning and just never replied lol, which again like the time with the hearts is annoying because why ghost after you get me to reply the way you wanted me too? i never suggested facetime (it literally never even crossed my mind as an option lol) so like were they drunk when they text it yesterday and realised this morning and chickened out idk idk but still it would be easy to ignore the facetime part and still text...but in anyways i had sent the reply and they havent responded and it wasnt even a goodnight or have fun that didnt respond to so its not like a hey new day text so its a bit more awkard.....

Update 31 Dec 2023 NYE

okay so out of no where no where no pretext which is so strange like bro we havent done a videocall before you can't just randomly ring after not texting and never calling before...i did have make on and my hair done but i was in my pjs haha i never locked my phone sceeen as fast hahaha...ovo i didnt answer i waited 15mins and said oh sorry i didn't see it i was having some food and they were like oh whoops or some shit and i said if you give me 5 mins i could and they said they were at a friends? what in 15 mins bahaha but i said maybe another time then because i dont want our first call to be infront of their friends like wtf and they said the same but now theyre like oh ill text you if theres a right moment like okay? idk....they calls randomly again i answer, and theyre saying theyre nervous etc but they are saying this as fireworks are going off in the background and as theyre walking and i cant hear shit because its all crackling and all and then theyre trying to say about their english and im just nodding being like its okay etc meanwhile i cant hear shit hahaha they said theyll ring me at 12 which is grand for me cuz thats 11 hahaha unless they call at 12 my time then thats a bit more awkward...no ring thankfully as things got fucked up at up at home at that point but they did text later but again they were drunk i also didnt reply until like 4 today as i was babysitting and just really tired haha but they replied, i sent back a quick reply to which they seen but never replied so as the saying goes idk if that was it lol...also i almost told the girl who introduced that we still text but everytime they dont reply im like this is why i havent bothered hahaha because i dont want to make it a big deal but when she returns to amsterdam she could bump into them plus if she happens to go out to the same group the group all know as they sent me random pics of the group or with people from the group in the background so they have more than likely mentioned theyre still texting the short irish girl, so i would feel weirder if she found out not by me but i also dont want to text her in case she makes it into a thing or worse talks to them about it lol but idk im leaving my own country in less than a month so idek what im doing in anyways....i still want them to text though lol why is everytime i say something about the situation to one of my friends they then proceed to ghost....and i had said id allow myself to be stupid until new years eve but idk i can be the one to text again like will thie happen each time theyre drunk idk

Update 3 Jan 2024

The text from new years day has still gone unreplied so i think ive been ghosted (they currently have a story up on their insta but i havent clicked it yet) so it kinda sucks that ive been ghosted i did like texting them and it had been texting albeit short mostly innocent texts for a month, but it sucks that the ghosting came after the like video call and shit do they only have confidence to text when drunk idk....but my friend that introduced us i had to tell because she returned home and she does go out with the them and their friends and they had been sending me pics with such friends in the photos so they probably knew that they were texting me, so i didnt want my friend to go out and them mention something and her not know...i made her promise not to tell i spoke of it tho..but it sucks i had to tell her at the same time of ghosting lol....they had put up a story a random ass one i wonder whether it was to see if i see it but then again theyre the one leaving me on read so idk but then i put on my winter insta ?carrousel? can't spell the word, and they liked it! brooooooo why i get that it could just be im strangely friends with this girl ill give it a like but brroooooooo dont leave me on read then like my post! i do like that they liked it tho!....and ive been in some sorta 'mood' that i havent been in for months so i wish they were in my city and obviously talking to me lol...and also they were so sweet and shit i am a dumb dumb dumbbbbb bitch i shouldve never replied more the day i came back to ireland lol i knew i was being a thick but ah well.... and depending how other things go in the morning i might text them

Update 17 Jan 2024

so it has been a while since i last updated...i did indeed text them that time, im kinda glad i did because we are still texting now...

and we did a like 15/20min video a week or so ago and it was really nice tbh like dont get me wrong it was very basic but i could feel that i was smiling the whole time or trying to hold the smiles in and it wasnt like they were saying anything to particular make me smile i think (puke emoji) it was just there presence?

i also definitley think their mam knows about me, i know the friends do already because they would send me pics with them...but the mam thing yeah, when the vid call started the mam started saying something in dutch to them and they were speaking back and they turn to me and was just like oh she is going to bed now and the mam shouted to the phone in english goodnight which means it was directed for me...but to be fair it is just them and their mam and they were going to be doing a call in a language that is native to them with a person of a different gender and if it was a friend they ovo couldve just spoken dutch to them so i get they mightve had to explain but still haha...

in the call i made it clear as well that my job will be in gran can (i didnt say for how long) but to be fair it is still in europe and the summer placement will be europe too i get gran can is further than ireland but like either way wed have to get on a plane to see each other so idk man

but yeah were still texting and its been cute i had a awkward one with a pic that i forgot to set to one time view...i make sure that i only would send pics id feel comfy with being on my story but the one i sent them was slightly a bit more booby lol

[missmonkeymode]

Its been 12+ hours and although i am still digesting the game i have a clarification that i wanna talk about. And also ig a bit of fanfiction on where i think harrys story leads him that probably wouldnt happen but id like to think that happens. Spoilers under the cut

I think the killers whole thing of "being a bit un satisfied with the killer" thing was intentional. Hes just a sad, old man that somehow survived a massacre, diven insane from loneliness, grief, anger, regret, and maybe the phasmoid. It's supposed to leave you feeling a bit hollow, a bit "is that it?", a bit "there has to be more", a bit empty. Its just..... sad. He doesnt even give us a fight. Felt a bit better about arresting him after learning hes a pervert though. And proving to jean (is that his name? We barely talked) that i was a competent person made me feel good.

I think, for my harry in this game, i think after the events of the game, he starts to get better. Of course, he had plenty of gaping wounds (2 physical and 2 emotionally (that i know about)), but my harry stopped picking at them. He tries to be sober. He throws out all of the tutti frutti gum he has in his pockets. He's trying to move on.

In this ideal world of my brain fiction thatll probably not be canon ever to anyone but me and might not really happen in the actual fiction, he works a bit longer in the rcm but decides to leave (too many bad memories, and his newfound political ideology certainly doesnt help his chances). Starts a private pi buisness in the cursed building's attic (sleeping in the whirling in rags (free rooms for life, after all)). Somehow convinces kim to come with him after he transfers to precinct 41. Their pi buisness mostly runs off of charity from both free rooms and lowered rent (i dont think the bookstore owner would give harry any more leeway than that), but they pay their bills and they get food in their stomach, so its not all that bad. They take jobs no mattwr how small or silly they are (much to kims disappointment ("theres much more important cases we could take, and much more important paperwork we can do, lieutenant (he still calls harry lieutenant)".)) They sometimes takes jobs from the union (moreso for the hardie boys and liz than for mr claire) if theyre certain its not just for personal gain. Of course, thats not to say there certainly isnt road bumps, for both their career and with the healing process (especially since harry would still be learning both about his past and the world (im not gonna handwave his amnesia away, he still had to work tooth and nail to remember), but harry and kim are happy. They become happy. Once one of them gets too injured to do on site work (probably harry (those two gun wounds still bite at him after all those years)), their buisness goes under (the curse strikes once again) and the two begrudgingly enter a retirement. Id imagine theyd end up a bit like rene and gaston, hanging around martinase (probably spelle that wrong) and doing god knows what.

Yeah, i think id like that for them.

Finally getting around to playing disco elysium

[ladyboltontoyou]

Arthur Morgan x Reader: Farmer’s Daughter

Ask: Ok well I was wondering if you could write an Arthur Morgan x Reader where the reader is the daughter of a rich farm owning family and Arthur rides up to the farm/ranch one day to scope the place out and see if they're easy to rob but somehow ends up with heart eyes for the reader and starts sneaking around to see her. Doesn't have to be smut, but that would be awesome. Thank you!

Warnings: Probably cursing. A bit of an age gap since Arthur is, you know, like 30 something, and the reader is still living with her parents.

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Reader 

A/N: So this turned out longer than I had originally planned oops. ALso apparently freezers were invented around the 1830′s so don’t come at me for having ice cubes in Arthurs drink ok. I really hope this is what you imagined and it doesn’t seem rushed, even though I spent like 4 hours on it. Hope it’s not too short or too long. OKAY I’M DONE RAMBLING YOU CAN READ NOW.

The last thing you expected to see on a Friday afternoon was a stranger on a white horse riding up your dirt road. You had been reading a book on your upstairs balcony when you saw him, at first just a small white speck a ways away. But when that white speck started making noise you looked up and saw it was a man on a horse, a visitor. You rarely got visitors here that weren’t two men on a wagon full of supplies. 

You set your book down on the table and leaned forward to get a better look as he neared the front of your house. He looked handsome enough, even though you were on the second story balcony and he was on the ground below. From what you could see he was a rugged man about thirty or so, not the kind of men your parents usually dealt with. Your curiosity got the best of you and you walked back inside and downstairs where you saw your father opening the front doors. One of his work friends stood beside him in case things were to go south, his hand sitting comfortably on his pistol as a gentle warning to the stranger that stood on your porch.

“Sorry to bother you folks, I was looking for the Braithwaite manor and it looks like I got myself lost. Do you know whereabouts that is?” His voice sounded so friendly and warm, you would never expect that he was there to see if you would be easy to ransack. You watched the conversation go down from the bottom step of the staircase and tried not to look too obvious. 

Your father was totally oblivious and way too trusting. “No worries friend, these back roads are tricky. Fancy a drink? You look like you’ve been riding all day. Come inside and I’ll have my wife draw you up some directions.”

The man looked hesitant but eventually shrugged. “You’re too kind. I’d really appreciate it.” 

You took the chance to walk into the tea room since you knew they’d come inside any minute, and you didn’t want to look suspicious. Plus, you wanted to be nosey, it wasn’t often attractive strangers came by. You sat down at the table and picked up the book from the table, something you had already read before, and tried your best to look as if you had been doing it for some time already.

“Who’s that man outside?” Your mother had snuck up behind you and scared the daylights out of you when she leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“I don’t know.” You said after you recovered from the scare. “But he sure is good looking.” 

She peaked at the front door and nodded in approval at your taste. “You’re not wrong about that.” Thank god it was your mother and not your grandmother, she would have chided you for hours about being indecent. 

Finally, they came in and the man took off his hat, looking around as his eyes adjusted to the change of light. He looked even better looking close up. His facial hair was trimmed neatly but looked like it had grown in a little, the hair on his head the same. His face was partially spotted from the dust in the air from horse hooves but he didn’t look truly dirty, nothing compared to your farmboys.

 He looked around and seemed impressed with the place, his eyes looking into every room he could see from his spot. When he looked into the room your father began walking into, the tea room, he only spared you a short glance. 

Alright, well, you weren’t used to that. Most men who saw you immediately started complimenting your parents on how gorgeous you were, praising you and never failing to remark some version of ‘You’ll make a wonderful wife/Someone a very happy husband/Beautiful children’. But he didn’t say a thing.

“Darling, would you be so kind as to draw some directions from here to Braithwaite manor? Our friend  here has gotten lost.” Your father asked your mother who smiled and obliged, heading upstairs to get some paper. “Oh! I didn’t even see you there!” He said when he noticed you sitting on the couch. “Could you bring our guest some tea?”

The stranger looked at you and looked like he was about to decline and tell you not to worry yourself but you were already standing up. “Sure thing daddy, need anything else?” You asked sweetly with a smile. 

Your father looked to the man who just shook his head and tried to say ‘I’m fine’ and ‘No thank you’ at the same time. “No, I’m, thank you,” He jumbled over his words and looked visibly embarrassed. “I’m alright.”

You smiled widely, amused by that. He looked away and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. Your father paid no mind and led him to the couch, talking about how harsh the month had been with no rain at all. 

When you got back from the kitchen with a glass of tea he looked up and accepted the glass from you happily, muttering a ‘thanks’ before he almost chugged the entire thing, even chewing on some of the ice. Your mother came down the stairs with a piece of paper in hand and one of your nice fountain pens in the other. 

“You’ll have to excuse my writing, I’m not the best artist.” She joked and sat on the single chair across from the couch. “You should have told our artist here to do it instead, she could draw him the best map he’d ever laid his eyes on.” She joked and you tried not to let them see how bashful she made you. She always bragged about you and anything you did, you could draw something purposefully awful and she would still treat it like a priceless painting.

“Oh it’s alright, I’m sure I’ll manage.” He chuckled, taking more ice into his mouth. 

You sat down on the other side of the couch and watched the man from the corner of your eye. He looked around the house while his jaw moved to chew the ice as if he was taking note of every single window and door. “Say, you folks-”

Your mother sighed in frustration, putting two fingers on her forehead in exasperation. “I’m sorry, I can barely draw a line. Darling, could you please?” She slid the paper across the table and gave you a sweet look.

“I’ll try.” You laughed and leaned down, taking the pen from her.

“What were you saying?” Your father asked from his seat and the man looked confused before he remembered.

“I was just going to ask if you knew of some good people to hire for security. Assuming those men at the end of the road are what I’m thinkin’ they are.”

“Yes, they work for a man named Michael, he hires men that used to be in the war and sells their services to those who can afford it.” Your father said proudly. Arthur just nodded.

“Here’s the house.” You said to the man as you drew a small house next to the scribbles your mother had done. He scooted closer to you carefully and watched as you drew. “And here’s the road. The corn fields are on the right, the tobacco on the left.” You kept talking as you drew and tried to focus on moving the pen instead of how close he was to you. His body heat radiated off of him and grazed your bare arm and neck, you could hear him breathing slowly. He smelt like smoke and day-old cologne mixed with the leather from his coat. 

As you gave him directions he would never need Arthur felt morality tug at his heartstrings. You were such good people, welcoming him into your home and showing such hospitality. He would have to tell Dutch there was no way, there were too many workers and guards, he would make something up. He came expecting a snooty rich family but was caught off guard by good people. You all had the generosity, kindness, and respect of poor folk.

When you finished you slid the map over on the table. “Let it sit for a minute before you touch it, the ink’s still wet.” You warned and put the cap back on the pen. “Especially here.” You laughed softly and pointed at the words of his destination where you had spelled it wrong the first time and scratched it out.

He nodded and muttered an ‘alright’, looking at you from a side glance. Your father talked for a while about the people who lived in the manor, not being shy about his opinion. Arthur couldn’t have agreed more but he kept up his facade and played dumb. 

“It’s dry now.” You said and Arthur looked away from your father. You were looking at the paper so he took the chance to actually look at you, unintentionally admiring you. Normally he was good about keeping his eyes where they belonged. If there was anyone who respected women it was Arthur, but it was hard not to appreciate your beauty. He figured your sweetness was the only reason he stared. It had been a while since he saw a sweet girl who wasn’t trying to pickpocket him or get him to spend a fortune in the saloon. 

“Thank you.” He picked up the paper and admired your work. One of the few things he could really appreciate was art. You drew so effortlessly, the small roads and hills looked like the maps he’d seen the professionals sell. “Well, I reckon I better be on my way, I’ve taken up too much of your time.” 

“Not at all.” Your father stood up and so did the stranger. They shook hands as he thanked your father who shook him off and pat his back a few times. “You sure there’s nothing else we could do for you?”

“You’ve done more than enough.” He promised and looked back to you and your mother, the paper held gently in his hands. “Thank you both for your hospitality. And for the map.” He held up the paper and you smiled, causing him to unknowingly do the same. 

When he started walking out the door with your father you ran upstairs and almost fell off your balcony to watch him ride off. The hot wind hit your face when you reached the banister, just in time to watch him ride off. He put his hat back on and took one last look behind him, not failing to notice the beautiful young girl watching him leave.

***

The frogs and crickets sang while the fireflies lit the black air with soft pulsating gold. You were on your banister half reading a book and half watching the farmboys work in the fields below, their lanterns bobbing gently through the rows of plants, stopping occasionally to pull up weeds or a dead plant. 

It was hard to read. It was stupid to even try. But there was nothing else to do to take your mind off of your thoughts, even though reading wasn’t doing a good job at that. At least it was something.

A dog barking in the distance made you set your book down. It was the dogs they kept up at the end of the road to warn when someone was coming. You waited a minute to see if they would calm down but they didn’t. You heard your father yell downstairs to the men at the end of the road, and they responded with something about deer in the woods. 

You believed it for a moment until you heard rattling from the other side of your balcony. The first thing that came to mind was some kind of greasy gunslinging bastard but before you could start screaming two arms hooked over the side of the ledge, covered by that same damn leather jacket you had been so close to earlier. 

It shouldn’t have made you feel any better considering his original intentions were to rob your family for everything they had. But for some reason you had a feeling he wasn’t a threat to you. That made you incredibly stupid and naive but thankfully, for once, you were right in this situation. 

When he finally pulled himself over he looked surprised to see you standing there watching him. “Now, before you start screaming,” He said as he reached up to grab the lantern that hung above him. “I’m not here to hurt you or anything like that.” He blew out the small flame and the two of you were suddenly surrounded by darkness. 

“Then why are you here?” You asked cautiously. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to see him again, but the last thing you expected was this. If anyone saw him your father's politeness would be out the window as well as Arthur.

He sighed as if he didn’t know why himself. “You been on my mind girl, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why my dumbass thought it would be a good idea to risk not only my ass but yours, just to come back up here and ask for your name.”

You covered your mouth to stifle that bubbled in your throat. “Truly? That’s why?”

Arthur laughed softly, shaking his head when he realized how ridiculous it was. “I suppose so. And I wanted to ask for another one of those hundred-dollar drawings you make.” 

You laughed again and put your fingers on the bottom lip you held between your teeth. “Oh yeah? Was my map that good?”

He grinned and looked down at his boots, kicking them against the floor to kick some pebbles loose from the bottoms. He couldn’t believe how young he felt then, like he was only sixteen again flirting around with the farmer's daughter. The only thing different from that was he was much, much, much older. If the other men in the gang saw him they’d make fun of him till the day he died for sneaking around for a girl. 

“Well, okay, I guess I can make you something.” You smiled while biting your lip. He put on a show of acting grateful, clasping his hands together and placing them in front of his forehead. When you recovered from quiet laughter you went into your room to get some paper and a pencil. You made sure both your doors were locked before you went back onto your dark balcony. You stopped in the open doorway, noticing how little you could see. There was no way you could draw anything out there unless a lantern was lit, but that would be too bright and anyone nearby would be able to see the two of you. “I can’t see out here, maybe we should go in my room.” 

He was reluctant for a minute, considering how fast he’d be able to run and jump out the balcony if need be. “Yeah, sure.” He sighed and walked towards the doors. The spurs on his boots lightly jingled and you could hear fabric moving against fabric as he moved past you into your dimly lit room. “Been a while since I’ve been in a room this nice.” He admitted as he looked around your room. 

“You live in a barn then?” You teased and sat down at the table near the windows. “Oh, I never told you my name. It’s (Y/N).” 

Arthur leaned against the wall near you and crossed his ankles, nodding as he thought over your name. “(Y/N). Never met anyone with that name before.”

You smiled proudly, twirling the pencil in your fingers. “And yours?”

He paused, considering while he looked out the window. “Arthur.” He said finally and looked back to you. 

“Arthur.” You mused before remembering what you were supposed to be doing. “Ah, sorry, what did you say you want me to draw you?”

He snorted and crossed his arms. “I didn’t give that any thought, do anything you’d like.” 

You bit your lip and looked him up and down. “Okay. It might take me a little while though.” He wanted to say ‘good’, but held his tongue and settled for a ‘That’s okay’.

After about an hour of talking, constant talking, you were finally finished. “If I had longer I could have done better, but, here.” You slid the paper across the table to him. After a while, he got tired and had sat down across from you.

He took the paper in his hands and squinted before his eyes widened. “Christ, girl.” He breathed and looked over the lines and shading. “You’re better than me.”

“You draw too?” You asked with sudden interest but he didn’t respond, he was too caught up in the paper in front of him. 

“I can’t believe this. Did you take a picture of me when I wasn’t looking?” He shook his head and scratched his chin as he continued admiring it. 

You blushed and ran a hand through your hair, he made you into a flustered mess with those praises. They were different when they were coming from someone who wasn’t kin. “Thank you.” It was all you could say. You didn’t expect him to like it that much, it was a hurried sketch of him leaning against your wall, but as much as you liked to pretend your art wasn’t that good there was no denying that this was an exceptionally realistic drawing. You were almost sad to see it go.

Arthur shook his head and looked up from the paper, looking at you completely different. Like how your father looked at your mother the first time he saw her shoot a gun. Newfound respect and admiration glinted in those pretty blue eyes of his, all directed to you. He was going to say something else but the sounds of heels coming up the stairway stopped him. 

“(Y/N)! I just found a letter from June, it came yesterday but-” She grabbed your doorknob and tried to open it, only succeeding in causing the door to shake slightly. Arthur looked at you with wide eyes as she called out your name a second time. 

“Go, hurry!” You whispered and he sat up as quickly and quietly as he could, tiptoeing to the open doors. “One second, I’m changing into my nightdress!” You called back to her as you rushed the grown man out of your room.

He paused in the same spot he had climbed up, one hand on the jasmine covered lattice he had used as a ladder. “Could I come see you again?” He asked boldly, the paper in his hand slightly moving from the breeze. 

You laughed in disbelief. “There’s no way I could say no to that. You better.”

Arthur smiled then, the widest and cheesiest smile he had worn in a while. If it wasn’t for the lantern sitting inside your room next to the window he stood near, you wouldn’t have seen it. You wanted to say more, but he swung his legs over the edge and left you to explain to your mother why you spent so long doing something so simple.

[s-nnyd]

3, 9, 12, 21, 24, 26, 33, 48, 56, 57, 73, 92 (I’m totally not gonna beat em up), 110, 111, 112, 127, 135, 144 :P

3. WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING?

being honest, im excited to see mrs q and mrs y when we do a meet up for lunch cause itll be like the first experience where we actually just chill and its out of a classroom setting and context so yea im hyped for that

9. DOES TALKING ABOUT SEX MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?

lol no

12. WHAT ARE YOUR 5 FAVORITE SONGS RIGHT NOW?

oof mmmm 

1 Lose - Hannah Gill

2 Never Been in Love - Will Jay

3 Talking in Your Sleep - Will Jay

4 Sunflower - Rex Orange Country

5 We Don’t Need to Dance - Castelle

21. WHAT ARE YOU BAD HABITS?

oooo not sure if overthinking counts as a bad habit but if not id definitely say overeating but its been a long time in the process so im still working on breaking that

24. FAVORITE PART OF YOUR DAILY ROUTINE?

sticking my feet in the pool and playing lofi hip hop 24/7 chill beats while i act like i could be someone’s object of affection and then laughing it off

26. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP?

roll onto my other side and then relish in how damn comfy i feel

33. SPELL YOUR NAME WITH YOUR CHIN.

i hate 

im on the computer so

sduijjuhyh

48. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK?

nope there was one time i was at a party and i was really thirsty and there was a drink dispenser and i thought it was orange juice

it was not orange juice (i spit it out after cause i really was looking for something sweet at the time)

56. FAVOURITE COLOUR?

kinda specific but cerulean

57. FAVOURITE FOOD? 

soondubu or ramen for sure

73. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?

mm i used but then i stopped cause i felt bad that i was squishing them

92. IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE?

currently? nah but if i count as someone then yea

110. HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE SO MUCH IT HURT?

oof yeah i really reeeeaaallly liked them they meant a lot to me and they taught me a lot theyd smile and id melt theyd laugh at a dumb joke i made and it was like the world seemed a bit brighter their eyes were such a pretty color that i wondered how much depth and variation in color a pair of eyes could have hugs made me feel like i was safe and just hearing their voice could make me smile sometimes thered be banter some back and forth and a bit of flirting that i almost thought i was gonna die cause it knocked the breath out of me and knocked me off my feet i remember when i told them how i felt how scared i was i was so afraid of the response my heart was in my throat and everything felt so cold i could have just took the option and not told them but everything just felt like it was bubbling over and i needed to do something about it and when i told them i remember how much my heart felt like it was gonna give out every time i waited for their response and the tiny pauses here and there i remember having to wait until the next day cause they said they couldnt give me a proper response yet and when i woke up the next morning there was an absolute pit in my stomach and then i got a really long message from them saying all sorts of things and the pit in my stomach definitely went away but i cried so hard that day im pretty vocal when i cry not that loud but you can hear me but that time i really couldnt hold it in people walked by me as i cried it was really early in the morning so there werent that many people i went to school right after that and my eyes were red and swollen my dumb ass tried to play it cool and act like i usually did but the moment we hugged for a bit i started crying like an idiot and then i had to hide my face it was definitely a time but i couldnt have been luckier because they were really gentle in letting me down and it was definitely a learning experience for me like they really meant a lot to me and they still do and i truly enjoyed having feelings that whole time just a laugh and a smile was enough

111. DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES?

yeah i think i do and its usually towards new people i dont really know how to actually make friends like im not entirely clear on how to initiate the first social interactions i get really wary of first interactions and end up being a dumbass think that the other person’s got ulterior motives i mean you’re not entirely a good person what makes you think someone else is but that sort of thinking im working on trying to change that 

112. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU CRIED IN FRONT OF?

cried in front of? i think it might have been ada

127. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

when i try on some clothes and it fits well on me and it makes me look like me those moments when im with a good friend and were talking about where we were where we were and where well go when i get to make the person i like smile oh or when they laugh not like the laugh they give to the general public or the one they do when its just a regular laugh no i like it when i can make them laugh so genuinely so that it catches them off guard and it just bubbles out of them and out of their mouth and they close maybe one eye all the way cause theyre still trying to keep eye contact with you but its still just so funny to them and they just laugh with their whole body when the work that i make and produce is thoroughly well done enough so that im proud of it and others appreciate the work im doing and even are excited to show others when someone values my work for what its worth rather than what they want it to be worth cause thats what their wallet is telling them when i see content of my favorite character oh but my favorite is when someone i know has just overcome soemthing that had previously been making them so upset when they realize something that needed to be changed when they have character growth so astounding that they even realize it themselves

135. DUMBEST LIE YOU EVER TOLD?

“Nah, I don’t have a crush on you. Psh...wait what? You had a crush on me, too?”

144. DARK, MILK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE?

milk fuck dark is too bitter and white tastes so weird to me

[batslime]

taggt ( by @wesminator )

Last:

Drink- im schlurpin mtn dew rn

Phone call- my mom to make sure she knew we needed cat food

Text- showing this awful thing to @succubus

Song- ddu-du ddu-du by black pink ( that doesnt even sound the way its spelled and i had to look at it again bc of that )

Time you cried- i dont remember probably while i was watching a movie or smt

Ever:

Been depressed- b o y

Gotten drunk and thrown up- i dont go to parties because i live in the middle of nowhere and ive never been drunk i dont like alcohol enough to get to that point

In the last year have you:

Made new friends- ya

Fallen outta love- YA

Laughed until you cried- no

Found out someone was talking about you- just today my manager told me one of the part time mans texts him to say ive been “acting up” ( i said something to her she didnt get so i told her not to try so hard bc i could smell the smoke coming from her ears ) and he straight up tells her shes stupid fgvhjb

Met someone who changed you- for the worse yes lmao

Found out who your friends are- I’ve found out who my friends aren’t!

Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list- Maybe???? ive remade it so many times/ never go on i dont remember if i have any exes besides @succubus

General:

Fave color- im always a slut for pink but i also love rich greens and lavender

How many Facebook friends do you know IRL - why is a tumblr meme probably aged at like teenage-twenty year olds even asking about facebook

Any pets - rn i have three cats

Do you wanna change your name - legally ya

What did you do for your last birthday - I dont remember i was probably still at home jobless and sad

What were you doing last night at midnight - working on miniatures

What is something you can’t wait for - @succubus is coming over next month, next paycheck, to get the energy to work on all my projects again, genji nendroid

What are you listening to - i just left blackpink playing after i had to look that title up

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - idk

Something that gets on your nerves - god everything lately im like a time bomb

Most visited website - Tumblr and Youtube

Hair colour - Black/ dark brown

Hair length - i cut it asymmetrically l recently and shaved it back in march on the sides so its. all over the place

Do you have crush on someone - i have a crush on being a better and more productive and happier and richer person

What do you like about yourself - lets not start this lol

Want any piercing - not rn im too depressed to take care of my body on a regular basis

Blood type-  b+

Nicknames- 

Zodiac - capricorn

Pronouns - She/Her or They/Them is fine.

Fave TV show - I dont watch tv occasionally tho ill go into netflix and play whatevers nice to listen to while i work, like forensic files or movies im really familiar with 

Tattoos - i dont rly like the way they look i think n when i do see designs i like i like seeing them on other ppl, im too fickle for them myself. i used to do designs for ppl tho

Right or left handed - Right-handed

Ever had surgery - to have my teeth removed and tbh id be terrified and i think id really rather just die if i ever needed under-anesthetic under-the-knife surgery for multiple reasons 

Sports - no

Vacation - i like vegas, theres lots of countries id love to see but ive never been out of the states. im too poor and scared to do that rn esp alone

More general:

Eating - i love squishy foods but ive been craving crunchy stuff a lot lately too. ive been getting bowls of ice to take to my room while i work

Drinking- i drink like three things and that mtn dew, water w crystal lite, and match fraps

About to watch- i dont watch stuff much i just play whatever i can presently stand hearing while i work

Waiting to-

Get married - god no i literally just wanna live alone i dont wanna have to see people in my house while im trying to force myself to work or walking around naked i dont wanna be responsible for another person

Which is better:

Hugs or kisses - i dont like to be tocuhed

Lips or eyes - 

Shorter or taller -  

Nice arms or stomach -  these are like. really obscure selections 

Troublemaker or hesitant -  

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger - no

Drunk hard liquor - no

Lost glasses - yeah i just toss em at the end of my bed at night

Turned someone down - um i work retail and look like a teenager i can hardly fucking go in public without some random ugly ass dude thinking he can talk to me lol 

Been arrested - no

Cried when someone died - i dont think so just animals as far as i can recall, i havent lost anyone close.

Fallen for a friend - ya

Do you believe in:

Yourself - Yeh boi!

st sight - for like animals or shows or smt. if youre talking about another person. thats called attraction and calling it love is creepy and unhealthy and an obsolete concept that we need to nip in the ass tbh. i hear a disproportionate amnt of guys to girls say this and its like always someone they meet in public or whatever. im sure if i were desperate and self hating enough to humor any of the losers who try me theyd say it like five years down the line too. you dont know who tf somebody really is til youve known them for years and gone though real shit and seen how they respond. ive always found “love at first sight” creepy 

Kiss on the first date - idk

Angels - maybe

Others:

Best friend’s name - i call her a disgrace and the cause of my death but other ppl call her franky/ alexa 

Eye colour - Brown

Fave movie - 

Fave actors -

franky ive already tagged you like eight times. also im done working for the day. if you wanna be tagged reblog it and tag yourself im not doing anything else for any more people today 

[dreamychick]

Also they were powerful wizards so. If harry HAD to stay to be protected by the blood ward, fine and good. But someone who cared for him could have come to stay for the summer. Could have INVITED THEMSELVES for the summer. Who would have stopped them? Ok so maybe sirius couldnt being a wanted thief and all. But Molly? She could have gone and watched over harry just for the summer while she knew her other kids were safe at Grimace place. Or like Remus? That may not have officially been his godson but he may as well have been, he was also James best friend. Or even Minerva like I know she wouldn't want to play favorites with a student but she could have went to make sure he didn't break before he got back to school. Hell even Tonks could have gone. As a more Junior Auror she didnt know Harry or care about him like that yet but it could have been her job to get to know him. Be his friend for the summer. Be his body guard so when he fucked off of the Dursleys property into the muggle world he wasnt in danger.

And what would the Dursleys have done if a powerful wizard came on the doorstep and said "hello! Sorry to put you out but ill be staying for the summer! Ill pay for my share of the bills of course and I wont put my feet on the couch!"

What would they say? If they say no? And demand they leave? Sure. They legally COULD do that. They havr the right. But i think theyd be to scared to get all in a wizards face to do so. Especially if said wizard dropped the smile and pulled out their wand, "im sorry. Did you say something? Wingardium leviosa." Then make the couch lift and spin it. An innocent spell but they dont know innocent from dangerous. "See. Im not a child so I CAN do magic outside of school. And id really appreciate staying to watch over Harry this summer. You will let me wont you?"

I feel like theyd begrudgingly agree. Then harry would have SOMEONE to talk to. To bond with. To have on his side. Even just 1 person.

But also the fact that dumbledore basically told his 2 best friends not to write him all summer after such a traumatic year was also the dickest move.

So much could have been different if the other people in harrys life had used their own ctitical thinking and not followed dumbledore so blindly.

i think it’s really kinda fucked up that after harry had to witness cedric dying ron and hermione got to spend the whole summer at sirius’s house. and harry had to sit at the dursley’s all summer while being ignored and his friends get to live with the only family he wanted and wasn’t allowed to have. like that’s just cruel? and unnecessary? what protection is a blood ward if you have a house under a charm that litterally can’t be found physically and you have all of your top secret agents coming in and out of all the time? what protection does the dursley house have that is better than living with actual soldiers?? insane absolutely insane

[succulent-pup-blog]

1-100 :>

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?: Spotify

is your room messy or clean?: Messy

what color are your eyes?: Blue

do you like your name? why?: Yes, its unique 

what is your relationship status?:Single

describe your personality in 3 words or less: A lot, loud, funny

what color hair do you have?: It’s primarily brown but also has many other colors in it like blonde and red

what kind of car do you drive? color?: Poniac, Gold

where do you shop?: W a l M a R t...or amazon

how would you describe your style?: I guess boyish

favorite social media account: Tungle

what size bed do you have?: XL twin

any siblings?: Only child

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?: Um...with my good friends...so...Canada or Arizona or California 

favorite snapchat filter?: Anything doggo

favorite makeup brand(s): I dont wear makeup

how many times a week do you shower?:2 to 3

favorite tv show?: Im not picky tbh, at least if it isnt news or Dr. Phil

shoe size?: 9-12

how tall are you?: 5′4

sandals or sneakers?: Sneakers

do you go to the gym?: I do now actually! Im gonna try twice a week, at least once

describe your dream date: Just chilling out, watching tv or something and cuddling

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?: I dont carry  paper money

what color socks are you wearing?: None atm

how many pillows do you sleep with?: One with a 49′ dog stuffed animal

do you have a job? what do you do?: I just got accepted at a doggy daycare. I was told id be washing and boarding dogs 

how many friends do you have?: oof...like maybe 6 

whats the worst thing you have ever done?: um...like the only thing im truely embarassed about is being fired at sears for using my grandmas account to use my ‘members checked out’ numbers better. Theyd berate you infront of everyone if your numbers were low and I was young  

whats your favorite candle scent?: I dont burn candles

3 favorite boy names: oof idk...I like uh...Dirk

3 favorite girl names: Barbara...after the genetic scientist that died from her studies asdf (Radiation poisoning)

favorite actor?: none

favorite actress?:none

who is your celebrity crush?: uh...I guess like Zoey Deschanel...P...Princes Diana.....

favorite movie?:Na

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?:I dont read a lot but im trying to get back into it. I just read the women with the dragon tattoo series

money or brains?: Neither matter

do you have a nickname? what is it?: uh...yammy...yam...give me a new one

how many times have you been to the hospital?:0 

top 10 favorite songs: Finesse (bruno+cardi b), Ignition (R.Kelly), You make my dreams (Hall and Oates), Hold on loosely (38 special), This is gospel (Panic! at the disco), Dont threaten me with a good time (Panic! atd), Drew Barrymmore (crankdat), Caught up in you (38 special), Candyman (zedd), Squad (branchez)

do you take any medications daily?: Yeah 2 

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc): o i l y

what is your biggest fear?: Paranormal 

how many kids do you want?: 0-1

whats your go to hair style?: Ponytail

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc): big...kinda...its two houses put together but like two small houses

who is your role model?: uh..haha..um..Van Gogh 

what was the last compliment you received?: “That tanktop looks good” 

what was the last text you sent?: “I WANNA DIE FOR YOU“

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?: I think like...10

what is your dream car?: a jeep or slug bug

opinion on smoking?: I do it to chill

do you go to college?: Yes

what is your dream job?: Working with animals

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?: super rural 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?: no

do you have freckles?: On my shoulders

do you smile for pictures?: no

how many pictures do you have on your phone?: 37 and maybe 4 are me

have you ever peed in the woods?: Yes

do you still watch cartoons?: YES

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?: Wendy’s

Favorite dipping sauce?: Regular ol bbq

what do you wear to bed?: either shorts and a shirt or just shorts

have you ever won a spelling bee?: n o b e

what are your hobbies?: haha hobbies

can you draw?: iffy

do you play an instrument?: no 

what was the last concert you saw?: Joan Jett 

tea or coffee?: Tea

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?: Neither

do you want to get married?: yes

what is your crush’s first and last initial?: god idek

are you going to change your last name when you get married?: yeah

what color looks best on you?: Ive been told greens and blues, oh and silvers

do you miss anyone right now?: ugh. My dog.

do you sleep with your door open or closed?: Either, usually partially closed

do you believe in ghosts?: yes

what is your biggest pet peeve?: People being rude

last person you called: Mom

favorite ice cream flavor?: Bobcat batter..which is just birthday cake

regular oreos or golden oreos?: Regular...but the lemon ones are my fav

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?: rainbow

what shirt are you wearing?: A star speckled tank

what is your phone background?: this and this

are you outgoing or shy?: Depends on my mental health atm tbh 

do you like it when people play with your hair?: i think I would

do you like your neighbors?: One smokes pot and gives me headaches and the other broke my cars side mirror and refused to shovel the snow on our sidewalk but does everyone else, so you guess

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?: I use face wipes but I should wash

have you ever been high?:Yes

have you ever been drunk?:Yes

last thing you ate?: Pie

favorite lyrics right now: not sure tbh 

summer or winter?:Winter

day or night?:Day

dark, milk, or white chocolate?: Milk

favorite month?: uhh...december I guess?

what is your zodiac sign: ;)

who was the last person you cried in front of?: I guess my Granny

[cielospeaks]

so how bout that gARETH HUH

im still shooketh ; ; thank goodness shes low rarity ; ; tbh im super happy w the whole new low rarity crew, more bronze servants= yes!!!!! and id be happy to get all of them eventually! (i have cheng(? i think thats the spelling), jason, gareth, bart, and charlotte so far)

other stuff from the stream

-i dont even wanna think abt how much quartz i spent to try for da vinci ; ; but its in the past and im rolling in ces, np3 tell, reis husband, and np up for deon, yanchan, and herc. i think ill wait for the anastasia crew rate up (or tbh any would be good) to roll for her again ; ;

-new ce cute! fou cute! but tickets/everything else take priority

-still prolly wont use command codes but the fou thing is cute!

-out of the aformentioned low rarity servants my fave is gareth prolly! tho also super happy abt charlotte! jason has waited so long too, he deserves this! i like how his last asc is a glow up of his story npc art (and gosh i hope that that black armor guy is an argonaut bc id much rather have more demigods/humans than straight up greek panthenon in this shit). cheng? is awesome too, i hope that other cute npc from 3 gets added soon too! (and ofc my son... and maxwell.... and shibata....) super glad charlotte and gareth are low rarity, i wanted them since the trailer for the former and since she was mentioned in canon for the latter! the new servants im glad about (wouldve liked to see a musician, maybe an artist, but considering how popular moz and sal are and how popular beet is in japan theyd prolly make him a high rarity if he was added), and super eyes emoji @ salome and paris! tho i dont rlly get paris’ np rn? they can be troy buddies with hector and pen!

-this is kinda a lead in from the last one but speaking of paris, i really hope lb5 will go for a more specifically homeric? angle. like if it did i might actually enjoy it haha. like, iliad, odyssey, its a different author but aenead too? ive seen rumors lb5 rider is aeneas (imo hes too cocky, doesnt fit aeneas as much, id pin him more as odysseus or maaaybe ajax?) homer and/or demodokos servant would be awesome (ok the latter is just my bias but....) anyways i really hope its not just a generic “uwu greek gods here xd lol” bc i wouldnt like that very much : ) the designs... arent bad? i dont mind the idea of blonde lady being i think dionysus’ mortal lover(? i think?), itd be a nice tie in for the gods and humans sorta thing

[evandore]

putting this under cut cause personal reasons also tw ablism i think

so i have low empathy / no empathy etc etc and its just a thing but i saw someone else with low empathy mention how they cant really ‘love’ anyone cause of that (+ some other things) but i was like. hmmmmm. cause tbh ive never had a crush crush on anyone and ive been thinking abt that recently how dating is hard cause it literally never comes up for me like that. if i ever get with someone theyd have to approach me first then id probably think abt if itd work / if i like them etc etc all really technical stuff

not even getting into my relationship with my family. on top of that i have whats it called..alexithymia <- had to google how to spell it lol but yea emotions and feelings are hard to categorize for me so even if i am experiencing love i might. just not realize it LMAO. but yea i just dont feel that way. unless i like tell my mind or smth idk its a weird thing to describe i think im just autistic but yea anyway tge point was i decided to google an ended up on a quora question <- always a bad sign but this one answer left me in like. complete shock

the use of the r-slur just hit me out of nowhere. like obv this person is bullshitting and my feelings arent hurt but i did Not expect it. so i guess my conclusion is that im going to ignore this and will be brought up at a later date

well to move away from bad stuff. im not very worried abt finding no one cause i am a very cool and likable person. not saying this is like a conceited sense but from my experience people naturally drift towards my weird girl (?) swagger. if i was a better person i could successfully utilize this and have many happy and fufilling relationships! i am not though.

actually moving back to kind of bad stuff. i might be depressed? like. ok i cant stress enough that to understand me you need to know that i rarely experience strong emotions. my defaukt state is complete neutrality and any form of feeling is like dull and usually comes in bursts of a few seconds. like if i look at something i like i go !!!!! for abt 3 - 10 seconds and it stops when i look away but it comes back when i look or think abt it which is thats normal thats how it all works. thats actually why my blog is like this. its filled with stuff that makes me go like that so i scroll back often and if something doesnt fit i delete it etc.

anyway what was i talking abt? oh right so like stuff comes in bursts like that then its just gone. its the same with negative emotions tho those are usually stronger an its all complicated i wont get into it. but anyway im wondering if im depressed in some way. theres no reason i can really think of and im not suicidal in fact im terrified of death to the point where it’s probably unhealthy. but my family has a history of mental problems so if i do then its probably genetic! but its like i just. cant do anything. i stay in bed for hours and stuff like eating or personal hygiene is just too much. and theres so many things i want to work on but its just too hard to force myself to do something. like i can sometimes but its only for a few days before falling back into not doing anything at all.

but its confusing bc at this point theres nothing to be causing it. like last year was probably the worst time of my life and it makes sense for then but not now. well i mean i dropped out of school a while ago and i dont have a job so i guess im worried abt the future but if i can finish my fucking projects i wouldnt have to worry abt the future. its very confusing and frustrating i want it to stop. ugh i dont know whats worse. feeling bad all the time which is confirmation of depression even if theres no reason. or barely feeling anything at all which is just normal but it makes it hard to know if there actually is anything anything wrong

its just bad cause i cant even be like im feeling bad cause i dont know if im feeling bad i dont feel anything!!!!! but i do feel stuff but its not enough stuff and its just ugh. and im sad now i guess but as soon as i post this five minutes later im gonna go back to feeling exactly as i always do. which is complete neutrality. i didnt mean to end up writing all this. i should really get up and do something lol

jesus christ.