#and they now know almost the full extent of it which is why they said this

[entropyunending]

"i never want you to feel alone"

that's great but that doesn't really mean much when you make little to no effort to even try to reach out and check on me. when you rarely even try to start a conversation. when you're never really there when i want to have a conversation.

[bittersnsweetz]

ohhh my god i just realised why i love narumitsu so much, despite the obvious (mutual pining, slow burn, one-sided enemies, to friends, to distant friends, to close friends, to lovers all that good stuff)

its BECAUSE they have a shared emotional journey that is so narratively satisfying to me that as im typing this im barely able to contain my stimming

phoenix defends miles, so convinced he can save him and is almost blinded by that fact because he knows edgeworth as so good and so pure and he totally definitely absolutely would never willingly hurt anybody and then he ghosts him for a year which phoenix obviously interprets as yet another person abandoning him, leaving phoenix to pick up the pieces, and that whole time phoenix is beating himself up because wow this is just like when he put all his love on the line for dahlia and it turns out she was just using him this whole time and the absolute mess of emotions that arises when edgeworth comes back, alive, with no apology whatsoever.

and then two years later phoenix loses his job and edegworth is trying so hard to help and be there for him while also juggling his prosecutor job and the challenges that arise from adjusting to a new justice-driven mindset, but phoenix is already closing himself off and refusing to talk about it because hes stingy and secretive and edgeworth has seen the stingy in passing but never to this extent, where he can tell that phoenix NEEDS someone but apparently that someone isnt going to be him. and he's on call with him one night and he hears trucy for the first time and hes mortified because so many complicated emotions and questions arise from that alone: "wright are you sane" "wright are you seeing someone" "wright why didnt you tell me about this so i could help you" and i do think edgeworth gets overwhelmed by all this at once, the secrecy, the daughter, the friend who visits phoenix every now and again, the lack of healthy communication. and suddenly everything that he thought theyve worked so hard to build together has come crashing down and theres nothing phoenix will let him do to help

and its the shared parallel of the initial proposal to help "let me defend you"/"let me be there for you" being completely rejected and the repeated efforts to do so being met with a sudden shift (prosecutor miles edgeworth chooses death/i have a daughter and a new friend who helps me now) and how its so difficult for the both of them to realise at the time that its for their sake that they're doing it, that neither of them are doing this to hurt the other intentionally (although for phoenix i definitely think theres spite involved, but not to the degree to which edgeworth ends up experiencing what he does emotionally), and the idealisation that gets completely shattered by reality

just. UGH. the full circle that is them, after everything is said and done, finding closure in each other again, however non-linear that journey is, and, this is important, CHOOSING to still stay with the other through anything and everything that comes to pass, and truly SEEING the other behind their professional masks. Seeing them entirely and not just the attractive parts. im rabid.

[skeletonsloverockcandy]

Man, each year I get to it, I love the May 5th entry and what it means. I take something new from it each time. Like last year I noticed the sacrifices and efforts the Driver and the other passengers made to try and save Jonathan, a stranger to them, by showing up early, by giving him gifts, by blessing him, despite the danger that puts them in. Especially when Dracula, as the driver, points it out to the Driver of the first coach, what he was trying to do, and scares him by pointing out what he said (despite it being heard far out of normal earshot and over the sound of horses galloping).

This year though, I notice that, but I see some of the smaller details too. Like how the mountains are full of blooming fruit trees, and how we are so used to the “gothic” aesthetic we almost forget it’s Spring. How Jonathan takes notice and comfort in the view, despite the growing unease he feels because of the people around him. He is trying to distract himself from how scared he’s getting based on their warnings. Warding him from the Evil Eye.

"No, no," he said; "you must not walk here; the dogs are too fierce"; and then he added, with what he evidently meant for grim pleasantry—for he looked round to catch the approving smile of the rest—"and you may have enough of such matters before you go to sleep."

I also take notice of this from the driver, as it’s almost a morbid gallows humor that he clearly knows to expect the wolves, and knowing what happens later, I’m sure the people here have a horrible fear of them, knowing what Dracula can do…and what he does to that poor mother later.

There were dark, rolling clouds overhead, and in the air the heavy, oppressive sense of thunder. It seemed as though the mountain range had separated two atmospheres, and that now we had got into the thunderous one.

We also get here what might be our first indication that the Count can control the weather to an extent.

They were driven by a tall man, with a long brown beard and a great black hat, which seemed to hide his face from us.

All I can imagine is Dracula in a fake beard now lol.

"You are early to-night, my friend." The man stammered in reply:—

"The English Herr was in a hurry," to which the stranger replied:—

"That is why, I suppose, you wished him to go on to Bukovina. You cannot deceive me, my friend; I know too much, and my horses are swift."

But God, this must have been terrifying for the driver and the passengers. What would Dracula do to punish them for trying to escape him? Would he dare make an example in front of the Englishman right now, or would he grant them mercy to say nothing else as Jonathan is unsuspectingly led to his doom, so they think.

"Denn die Todten reiten schnell"— ("For the dead travel fast.")

The strange driver evidently heard the words, for he looked up with a gleaming smile.

It feels like they’re all in on some sick joke that they know the punchline to, but Jonathan doesn’t, so with the dramatic irony, it feels like we the readers are the same peasants, trying to do anything to save or warn Jonathan but it’s already too late.

I also notice how quickly Dracula tries to shift the power dynamic with Jonathan, and have him doubt his sanity so soon, and he’s not even in the castle yet.

He drives him in circles to try and disorient Jonathan and make him feel even more lost, also keeping him out for far later and making Jonathan question if he’s dreaming or if what he’s seeing is real. I’d also bet more than anything that wine he offer Jonathan on the coach that Jonathan didn’t end up taking was drugged. Because it’s far easier to disorient an unconscious passenger in the dark than it is to disorient a conscious passenger. But he still does a pretty darn good job.

Then there’s the blue flames, which Jonathan doesn’t know how to react to as they seem supernatural and he doesn’t know how to rationalize it yet, so he takes it as if he’s dreaming.

This gave me a sort of shock, for I suppose the general superstition about midnight was increased by my recent experiences. I waited with a sick feeling of suspense.

Jonathan also has already felt the fear and nerves associated with the supernatural and superstition after what all of the townsfolk have told him, and later he tries to brush this off and rationalize again, try not to get too scared, but a part of him already realizes something is wrong.

Then a dog began to howl somewhere in a farmhouse far down the road—a long, agonised wailing, as if from fear.

I also want to point this out, as it’s right before the wolves surround the coach, but it’s the second time a “dog” has been mentioned howling in the night, and with this evidence, I bet Dracula uses the wolves as a threat to keep the peasants and townsfolk in line, as he can’t munch down on everyone. But it shows how powerful he is and what a threat he poses. I wonder who the wolves kill in the night.

Also how Jonathan, as an Englishman where there were no more native wolves, can’t even imagine that’s what they were and thinks they are dogs.

And it makes sense now that earlier when Jonathan was getting out his good ol’ polyglot dictionary, how the two words mean the same thing.

"vrolok" and "vlkoslak"—both of which mean the same thing, one being Slovak and the other Servian for something that is either were-wolf or vampire.

As Dracula, as we see later, can transform into a wolf himself, and so there is probably less distinction between the two in this culture than we have tried to establish in the modern day.

Once there appeared a strange optical effect: when he stood between me and the flame he did not obstruct it, for I could see its ghostly flicker all the same.

Ah, I wonder if this is an early indication that Dracula cannot be depicted through traditional means? Like how he can’t be seen in the mirror. Certain lights just, pass through him.

I shouted and beat the side of the calèche, hoping by the noise to scare the wolves from that side, so as to give him a chance of reaching the trap.

We also see Jonathan taking an active and proactive approach, in this manner trying to be helpful and aid his (what he assumes human) driver. With these sorts of actions already, I can see signs of the man who will pick up a shovel to try and do what needs to be done. Who takes a knife and vows action, not hesitating.

He is polite right now, he’s on business. He doesn’t know what’s coming. But regardless, that person is still in him, and he’s capable of taking great action and doing great things for the sake of survival and doing what he thinks is right.

And Dracula commanding the wolves to stop as the driver, and the cloud passing overhead, I feel is like a subtle display of power and threat to Jonathan. He’s still playing pretend, but when Jonathan does figure out he was the coach the whole time, and he plays coy, the Count knows Jonathan will remember this threat, and it feels that much more sinister.

Jonathan still questions and thinks he fell asleep, as he doesn’t see how he’d have missed the approach of the castle otherwise, but I think he was awake because it was dark, and the count was intentionally taking him a winding and confusing path under a lot of fear. Though if he did fall asleep, I’m that much more terrified about how Dracula was driving him about, now secure in the knowledge that Jonathan would be thoroughly isolated and lost.

And the thing that nearly gives Dracula away twice as the driver is the strength of his grip on Jonathan’s hand, also lacing a subtle threat.

through these frowning walls and dark window openings it was not likely that my voice could penetrate.

Well this is just scary knowing how trapped Jonathan becomes later, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hear the outside world, and how the outside world might not be able to hear him, and how he’s already acknowledging that.

The time I waited seemed endless, and I felt doubts and fears crowding upon me. What sort of place had I come to, and among what kind of people? What sort of grim adventure was it on which I had embarked?

He already is expressing doubts and fears, he isn’t ignorant of what situation he might be in, and it’s only later when he tries to rationalize with the count and is given the comforts manipulation of food and sleep, that he tries to dismiss these fears and take the Count at his word.

Was this a customary incident in the life of a solicitor's clerk sent out to explain the purchase of a London estate to a foreigner? Solicitor's clerk! Mina would not like that. Solicitor—for just before leaving London I got word that my examination was successful; and I am now a full-blown solicitor!

Okay, this is just really cute. Mina said You passed the Bar, you Deserve to call yourself a Solicitor Jonathan <3

Also explains a lot that Jonathan is a fresh faced baby lawyer who just passed the bar and needs this assignment. He’s probably hoping that after this pay day he can marry Mina and have enough for them to start making a life together. Also says a lot for Dracula’s strategy to him to get someone young, inexperienced, and unfamiliar with the area, who might be seen as “expendable” so that Jonathan’s sudden “disappearance” might go unremarked by those in charge (though Mina would notice).

I began to rub my eyes and pinch myself to see if I were awake. It all seemed like a horrible nightmare to me, and I expected that I should suddenly awake, and find myself at home, with the dawn struggling in through the windows, as I had now and again felt in the morning after a day of overwork. But my flesh answered the pinching test, and my eyes were not to be deceived. I was indeed awake and among the Carpathians. All I could do now was to be patient, and to wait the coming of the morning.

Again, those early signs of doubt and fear from Jonathan, showing his unease already at the situation. We did not deserve to be clowning on him so much when this book club first started. It’s not his fault he’s not genre aware 😔 I’m sorry Jonathan.

And when Drac does show up to open the door:

"Welcome to my house! Enter freely and of your own will!" He made no motion of stepping to meet me, but stood like a statue, as though his gesture of welcome had fixed him into stone.

I wonder if he’s like that because he needs to be invited into places to be there, so if it’s almost like a supernatural hold of importance for him to offer the same thing. Almost like a subtle joke or curse with the knowledge that after Jonathan enters, he won’t be allowed to leave of his own will

holding out his hand grasped mine with a strength which made me wince, an effect which was not lessened by the fact that it seemed as cold as ice—more like the hand of a dead than a living man.

I also like how all the clues are there, and since Jonathan has written them down and taken note of them, the expression on them must be some of the things he’s piercing together about his own fears as well that he’s afraid to voice aloud or in his journal, because if he voices his suspicions, they might become more real to him.

The strength of the handshake was so much akin to that which I had noticed in the driver, whose face I had not seen, that for a moment I doubted if it were not the same person to whom I was speaking

See? He knows what’s up, he’s just afraid to say it.

I also didn’t pick up that Jonathan’s room is octagonal for some reason. I wonder if there’s any reason for that or symbolism with the 8 sides?

Also the letter from Mr. Hawkin’s feels very ominous in retrospect knowing what’s coming and how Dracula will treat Jonathan:

"I must regret that an attack of gout, from which malady I am a constant sufferer, forbids absolutely any travelling on my part for some time to come; but I am happy to say I can send a sufficient substitute, one in whom I have every possible confidence. He is a young man, full of energy and talent in his own way, and of a very faithful disposition. He is discreet and silent, and has grown into manhood in my service. He shall be ready to attend on you when you will during his stay, and shall take your instructions in all matters."

I feel like Dracula knew to take advantage of that, and also this feels like him basically reading the menu for an ideal victim once his business is said and done, so I get shivers, brrrrr.

Hitherto I had noticed the backs of his hands as they lay on his knees in the firelight, and they had seemed rather white and fine; but seeing them now close to me, I could not but notice that they were rather coarse—broad, with squat fingers. Strange to say, there were hairs in the centre of the palm. The nails were long and fine, and cut to a sharp point. As the Count leaned over me and his hands touched me, I could not repress a shudder. It may have been that his breath was rank, but a horrible feeling of nausea came over me, which, do what I would, I could not conceal.

I also like that while Jonathan is describing Dracula, he notice his hands. And I am also struck with how little it is brought up that he has hair on his palms, and I can see the more wolf-like nature of this vampire mythology. I wonder if Bram Stoker intended for werewolves and vampires to be the same thing in his novel? They are certainly compared and have similar powers and weaknesses, so it’s possible I guess.

Also Dracula has corpse-breath lol. Nasty.

I saw the first dim streak of the coming dawn. There seemed a strange stillness over everything; but as I listened I heard as if from down below in the valley the howling of many wolves.

Ah ha! Also the first foreshadowing we get for the importance of dawn and dusk in the novel, as we know later how important timing becomes for our protagonists, so seeing its affects already make me smile at the recognition of the signs so early.

"Listen to them—the children of the night. What music they make!" Seeing, I suppose, some expression in my face strange to him, he added:—

"Ah, sir, you dwellers in the city cannot enter into the feelings of the hunter."

And ah, an iconic line. Though I just get second hand angry and uncomfortable at Dracula’s insistence that he’s a “hunter” 🤢. God I just hate him haha.

I am all in a sea of wonders. I doubt; I fear; I think strange things, which I dare not confess to my own soul. God keep me, if only for the sake of those dear to me!

And literally Day 1 of being in the castle and Jonathan is already questioning his sanity and piecing things together he’s afraid to even voice in his journal. This is the second time in as many days he has already wished that those around him find this journal and laments should anything bad happen to him. It creates the impression of one who knows they’re walking into danger but must go on anyway.

But I love Jonathan so much, and I definitely really like the May 5th entry, and it does so much work to set up what happens later.

[deanbrainrotwritings]

—   KEEP THE LIGHTS ON

SUMMARY : “Hi!! First time requesting a fic so if this is dumb.. well yeah. A fic where Dean and the reader are about to do it (😏😏) and hes very focused on her thighs/hips area and she's got stretch marks there and he traces/kisses/grabs them? It's rough, intense, and passionate? 😳😶 okay love you and your writing byeee 🏃‍♀️” — anon

PAIRING : dean winchester x fem!reader

CHARACTERS : none

WARNINGS/TAGS : explicit(18+), smut, as always unspecified skin colour and weight (lol), 

WORD COUNT : 2.0k

A/N : close your eyes song title. I loved this request as soon as I got it, and that’s why it didn’t take long! I’ve seen some stretch marks are lighter than the skin and others are darker than the skin and also that they feel like grooves so, I hope this is okay! *insert Scott Pilgrim and the L-word scene bc I can’t say ILY* AND HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY Xx

You’d never been so comfortable and confident with a man before. Comfortable with yourself. Confident in your own skin.. Every insecurity you had in every other aspect of your life, sex-releated or not, flew out the window because you knew Dean. 

He had a way of making you feel beautiful all the time. Either with his facial expressions when you caught him staring, his words when you were alone, his actions at any chance he had to get his hands on you. He was very expressive, wordlessly so, and gesticulating. 

You had to get to know the real him to understand him and, you know… he’s complicated. He’s guarded, but beneath all that there’s a soft centre to him, like a brownie. And overall, he’s sweet and good and soft. Perfect. Like a brownie. 

Eventually, getting a read on him gets easier, but not entirely easy. Which is why he was currently taking your breath away with his lips moving down your neck and his hands tangled in your hair as he guided you down the hallway to his room. But only after admitting he’d been wanting to get you in his bed for years and you’d be damned if you let your fears and worries get in the way of getting your first taste of him after pining for him almost as long as he’d carried a torch for you. 

You had to be stupid to believe that Dean was shallow and cared only about a woman's appearance or attractiveness. You never thought you weren’t enough all those times Dean left with or hit on any women but you. All you thought was that he simply didn’t see you that way, which was only half of the truth. He wanted something more than one night with you and he just didn’t have the guts to tell you so. 

But tonight, after a sleepy hangout at the Dean Cave, after watching a variety of movies that Dean liked—movies he excitedly wanted you to enjoy as well when you said you’d never watched them before. And then going to the kitchen to get more snacks for the next film… 

Well, you don’t really remember what led to it, maybe you said something in your exhausted state. Or maybe he did. You had a feeling that if you made the first move and confessed something you wouldn’t have in the right state of mind, he’d hold it over you and tease you about it—if everything went well. 

Or maybe it was just a buildup of every little thing that the two of you shared with each other and all the history and all of everything else that you were. 

Now that you had his mouth on yours, quick and firm and desperate for attention and for a taste of you… You had a feeling making your stomach flutter. To some extent, the two of you were very aware of each other’s feelings and still decided to do nothing about it. 

What a waste of fucking time. 

Still, something about waiting made this much more intense. Your skin ignited at his touch when his fingers snuck up into your shirt. Your flesh became warmer and warmer after each rapid heartbeat, excitement from his wet, breathy kisses. The air in your lungs failed to escape correctly, failing to reach the full capacity of oxygen the more thrilled you became. 

You wanted to devour him whole. But all you could do was kiss him back with as much passion and fervour as you possibly could. Your palms smoothed up scarred skin, flushed and warm and taut. Your nails scratched and your fingers tugged at anything of his that you could hold onto. 

When you got to his room, he’d made your head spin more than it already was from his kiss when he pushed you into his bedroom door to shut it. 

“Sweetheart,” he moaned against your mouth and your breath audibly hitched. The sound of his voice, the way he spoke that pet-name to you made your stomach clench and your clit throb. Or maybe it was the way he pinned your lower body to the door with his hips and the way he held your gaze when he flexed his hand beneath your shirt, his fingers spread across your ribcage.

His other hand moved back up to your cheek and his thumb brushed against your cheekbone. Your lips parted at first when he did that and your eyes searched his curious eyes longingly, but he seemed to be on his own mission. You bit your lip anxiously instead as you attempted to maintain eye contact, your cheeks burned when his green eyes dropped down to your lips. All you could feel was his erection pressed into your soft skin through the flimsy layers of his pyjama pants. 

And then his cock twitched. 

It was driving you crazy.

Being this close to him felt like a chemical reaction. You bubbled as he came into contact with you and you could probably evaporate into nothing if you were just a reactant. You never thought you’d feel consumed entirely by a person as if they were a reagent. You’d be embarrassed if it were anyone else but Dean who made you feel this pathetic. 

Your eyes reacted faster than your body when Dean dove back down to capture your bottom lip. He sucked on it softly and rolled his hips into you and you breathed shakily against his mouth at the combination of pleasant sensations that occurred simultaneously. 

You buried your fingers in his hair and then you felt his own gripping your hips tightly. God, you wished he’d dig into you and mark you permanently, but instead your thoughts ran through the imaginary engine of a plane and turned into smithereens when his tongue entered your mouth.

He lifted you up and his hands slid roughly from your ass to your thighs. You clung to him and kissed him hard, pouring yourself wholly into the kiss until he drunkenly stumbled to his bed and dropped you into it. All the while, he was still completely attached to you and getting more desperate now that you were as malleable as dough in his expert hands.

He pulled away from you breathlessly, lips parted and wet and red and perfectly kissed. His cheeks puffed a little and he had a tiny smile that shined mostly in his eyes when they fluttered open. You thought you’d be sucked right into his dilated pupils as he admired you beneath him, but he went right back to your neck and your cleavage while his hands pushed and pulled away at your clothes to get you naked.

For the fraction of a second, your body snapped out of the trance he’d placed you in when you felt his fingers trace and dip gently into the marks on your skin. The magic was gone only for a few moments when you opened your eyes to him between your bare legs, he looked up at you in surprise. Surprised at your reaction.

“What?” He frowned at you. The cute pout made your eyes brighten and your body relaxed once more as you smiled down at him. 

You were hesitant and he was patient. And then his expression mirrored yours, smiley. But he was so soft, with those crinkles at the corner of his eyes, and those dimples above his pillowy lips. He didn’t even make a big deal out of it and that made you release a soft breath and with it, the tension disappeared from your body. 

“Are you sure?” You asked him, pressing your teeth into your bottom lip. He lifted a brow at you before both brows came together in amused confusion. He slowly pulled himself up your body and shamelessly dropped his hips at your centre, practically grinding his covered erection against your bare, wet core. 

You inhaled sharply and he smirked at you. He slid his forearm up beside your head to balance his upper body above yours and continued to brush his thumb against the lines you were more than familiar with that resided at your hips. 

“Wanna hear it explicitly, is that it?” He murmured, his tongue dipping out to pull his lower lip into his mouth. Then he planted his teeth on the shimmering, plump flesh. What a journey. 

You were amused when your eyes flickered back up to his and you pulled your own lip between your teeth. He was cocky and maybe it didn’t help that you were a mess beneath him, but you couldn’t help yourself. 

“I’m gonna fuck you hard in my bed,” he told you. Your eyes widened slightly and you breathed unevenly as he rocked his hips against your heat. “But first, I’m gonna memorise every inch of your body and I’m gonna make you wait ‘til I’m satisfied. And only then,” he whispered, dropping kisses along your cheek and jaw, “I’ll give you what you want.” 

You licked your lips and allowed Dean to move lower to pepper kisses along your breasts until he slowly made his way back down between your legs. Part of you wanted to whine when he brushed his fingers over your stretch marks again, but there was something about how casual he was about them that made you want to see where this was going.

“What do I want?” You grinned down at him just as his lips made contact with the lines in contrasting colour to your skin. He smirked and looked at you through his lashes. His warm breath tickled your thighs when he chuckled and you shivered, bumping his bicep playfully with your knee. 

“Me, I hope,” he answered, almost bashfully. He buried his fingers into your hips and pulled at your skin, following the lines that decorated your body while keeping his eyes on you. You squirmed as he continued to touch and mouth at your stretch marks. “But mostly, my dick.” 

You laughed, “what?” And Dean nipped at your hip, along a few lines on either side of your body and your body shuddered pleasantly. 

“You asked what you wanted. I said: me and my dick,” he recapped for you playfully. You rolled your eyes at him, but you couldn’t help smiling. Dean went from playful to sexy and dragged his lips down your pelvis. Your hips wiggled in anticipation and your breath became shallow, but Dean only breathed against your soaked cunt. “If… all ‘a this proves anything.”

The warm air slipping between his lips aroused you to the point of wanting to pull his face between your legs and trap him there with your thighs. You felt yourself turn hot at his words, both from embarrassment and from lust.

“Dean, please,” you begged with a whiny laugh. 

Instead of replying with something witty, he swirled his tongue around your entrance with a moan. You felt his spit and you held your breath when he flatted his tongue and dragged it up to your clit. You closed your eyes and arched your back when he sucked and flicked the tip of his tongue against your clit. 

And then it was all gone and your body became loose once more. You opened your eyes to Dean pulling his shirt over his head, exposing the freckled skin you’ve always wanted to kiss and mark with your mouth when you patched him up on hunts. 

Before you could get your hands on him, he got out of bed and pulled his pants and boxers down his legs swiftly. He barely gave you time to see, to admire what you came to accept as the prettiest cock you’d ever seen. 

“I told you,” he smirked, slipping between your legs and lowering himself on your body to kiss you. “I’m takin’ my time.” You groaned in protest against his lip, but eventually every complaint you had on taking it slowly dissipated from your mind as he pushed and pulled at your body in ways you didn’t think you’d liked until he began working your body. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but dammit… Sex with Dean was better and more satisfying than the sex you had with any other man. 

You couldn’t tell Dean that. Never. It’d go to his head. Rightfully so, but still. All you could think about is the embarrassment he’d cause you to feel by reminding you, every chance he had—with that smug smirk of his—about how good you said he makes you feel. Better than any other man. 

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[girlactionfigure]

"From the River to the Sea"

@Daniel_Sugarman

In this thread, I’m going to go into some detail about what the phrase “From the River to the Sea, Palestine will be Free” means to many Jewish people. You may not agree, but I hope that it may enlighten those who simply don't understand the almost visceral reaction to it.

🧵 

2) For the benefit of a number of students at some of America’s most expensive higher education institutions, let’s start by clarifying - the river is the River Jordan, the sea is the Mediterranean.

3) So what do those chanting it mean? When asked, a bunch of them will say they want a single state in this area in which all people can live together in dignity and equality. Sounds great, right? Who would argue with that? 

4) That claim is somewhat muddied when one particular version of that chant is used in Arabic, as has been heard and seen at various protests - من المية للمية / فلسطين عربية “From water to water, Palestine is Arab”. But let's leave that aside for the moment. 

5) Note that the protesters are not calling for Israel to be *changed* into what they see as a free and equal society. For them this can only be achieved by Israel being *ended* and replaced by Palestine. 

6) Objectively, you can say that the reason for this is that the protestors believe that Israel (and Zionism) is fundamentally incompatible with what they see as equality and freedom for all, which is why for them it has to go in its entirety. But... 

7) But there is a significant degree of ambiguity as to what the end result *actually* means. And it’s that question mark which is why so many Jewish people see this slogan the way they do.

8) Because Jewish people have lots of different examples of what happens to Jewish communities who are minorities in countries in the MENA region. They get destroyed. I'll give you some examples. 

9) Egypt. 1948 - 75,000 Jews. 2024 - 30 Jews.

10) Lebanon. 1948 - 9,000 Jews. 2024 - 20 Jews.

11) Syria. 1948 - 15,000 Jews. 2024 - 4 Jews.

12) Yemen. 1948 - 55,000 Jews. 2024 - 1 Jew.

13) Iraq. 1948 - 156,000 Jews. 2024 - 1 Jew.

14) Iran. 1948 - 150,000 Jews. 2024 - 8,750 Jews (under the strict control of the Iranian regime).

15) Libya. 1948 - 40,000 Jews. 2024 - No Jews.

16) Algeria. 1948 - 150,000 Jews. 2024 - 150 Jews,

17) Tunisia. 1948 - 105,000 Jews. 2024 - 1,500 Jews.

18) Morocco. 1948 - 270,000 Jews. 2024 - 2,000 Jews.

19) The anti-Zionist narrative is that this mass Exodus was the fault of the Zionists, who created Israel. No Israel, goes the refrain, and all those communities would still be there.

This ignores a very simple point. 

20) In every single one of these countries, to a greater or lesser extent, Israel’s independence was followed by significant repression of local Jewish populations.

Every one. 

21) Remind me, what’s the way to describe holding members of an ethnic or racial group responsible for what other members of that group may have done elsewhere?

22) By doing so - oppressing the local Jewish population via pogroms, repressive laws, denying Jewish people full citizenship, confiscation of land and property - these MENA countries made a more effective argument for Zionism than Israel ever could have done by itself. 

23) What that said, very clearly, was that Jews as a minority in a MENA country lived there strictly on sufferance. That at any time they could be deprived of everything - including their lives.

This had been clear pre-Zionism too, but the reaction post-'48 put the seal on this.

24) Which brings us back to now. The one-state Palestine being dreamt of is one where, at best, Jews will be allowed to live as a minority. 

25) I put it to you that the experience of more than half of Israel’s Jewish population - descended from those who had to leave MENA countries, means that they *know* what the end result of such a Palestine will be.

A land without Jews. 

26) This, by the way, given most Israeli Jews now are descendants of MENA Jews is also why the “post-colonial” depiction of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as some sort of “white vs brown” battle is so utterly brainless. And that’s before we discuss Israel’s many Ethiopian Jews. 

27) I’ve gone on too long, I know, but just one final point. If the anti-Israel protestors really wanted to assure Jews - all Jews - that there would be a real future for Jews in their hoped for future one-state Palestine - they would be doing their best to engage with Zionists. 

28) They would be saying “Zionism is an ideology built on numerous examples - in MENA and in Europe - that Jews are, in the long term, only safe in their own country. Let us show you that this isn’t necessarily the case. Let’s talk. Find common ground. Try for friendships.” 

29) Instead Zionists are told they are Nazis. The same age-old antisemitic conspiracy theories about Jewish control are applied to “Zionists”. “Zionists” are excluded from the Community of the Good. 

30) Congratulations! 

You’ve just proved every single Jewish Zionist’s point for them - and you’ve helped create new ones. In a very similar way to those MENA countries post 1948. 

*Thread ends* 

[azaharinflames]

For me I don’t think Lou is some little uwu that needs defending. However I do not see how you can have someone you know getting heinous death threats and just…..say nothing? I’ve seen random people on the internet defend their moots better than this show defends their actors. Idk I know if I had a coworker who was getting harassed, I would be saying something but maybe that’s not everyone. As well I have been feeling this way for a long time with how the reoccurring love interests get treated on this show so it doesn’t start and stop with Lou.

Hi, Nonnie! Thanks for the ask.

I have to agree with you, which is why I say I won't lie and say I like how no one said a thing.

There is a part of my brain, a bit more cold-minded, that tries to remind me that we don't know the full extent, that perhaps the support was shown in real life and that maybe even Lou didn't want the hate to be brought up. At the end of the day we don't know, and I don't want to assume. And I also remember what they always say about not bringing attention to the hate, because that's like fueling the fire almost.

However. I think there comes a time where there needs to be an exception to the rule. A line that, if it's ever crossed, it should be brought up.

Sorry for putting yet another example, but in the Percy Jackson fandom, there is a pretty good one. When they cast Annabeth, previously described in the books as a white, blonde girl, and the actress was Leah Jeffries, a young woman of color (back then a young teenager), the outrage was insane. Leah is literally perfect as Annabeth, yet she was constantly attacked (and still is). And you know what? They stood by her. The author of the saga continually defends her and his choice to have her play Annabeth.

And it's not about race in this particular case, but we're talking about harassment, being called slurs, and being sent death threats, for God's sake. I understand not wanting too much attention on the issue, I understand not wanting chaos, but I also think many, many lines were crossed.

And I believe that if nothing is done in these cases, the only thing they're achieving is cultivating a very toxic community and environment. A warning in the IG comments does next to nothing. Moderating does next to nothing. And it's like you said, it isn't just Lou, they've done this to nearly all LIs, and they will continue to do this until the show ends.

911 should've called out this issue long ago, in my opinion, and I think now they're at a point where they honestly don't know what to do about it because they've let it grow too damn big.

Anyway, sorry for ranting again. My inbox is open for anyone who wants to rant, vent, or discuss something <3

[traintrainingmontage]

Edward Appreciation Essay: The Choice to Be Kind

I was hoping to have this done as a 50-follower (and birthday!) milestone, but as always, life's chaos has gotten in the way. However, it IS here just in time for the Thomas TV series' 40th anniversary!! Happy Birthday, Thomas!! With that milestone in mind, let's get to it.

In much the same vein as my Skarloey Appreciation Essay, I'd like to point out something that I genuinely love about Edward, and that is his conscious choice to be kind, even when he's been mistreated by others. There's plenty of kind characters--Percy immediately comes to mind, as well as Henry (although his kindness varies depending on the depiction), Toby (to an extent), Duck, the Scottish Twins, and others. However, for Edward, kindness is one of his defining traits, especially a kindness that not only bolsters him in the face of adversity from outsiders and "friends" alike, but is a quality that he chooses to feed and fall back on, even when so many others would give in to their less generous inclinations. Please note that although I'm celebrating the anniversary of the TV series, this analysis is primarily based off of the Railway Series, since it's what I'm most familiar with. I'm also not going to focus on famous stories, such as Old Iron and Edward's Exploit, for this particular analysis.

I think there's a lot to be said for Edward's forbearance in terms of dealing with people being rude to him. He's not interested in getting even with other engines or rubbing their misfortune in their faces. He doesn't even ignore them! Instead, he continues to be kind and to be friendly, greeting everyone he sees and helping out those who need help, and in the end, continues to come out on top by choosing to not hold a grudge the way so many others on the railway do.

What motivates this particular choice, though? I'm hardly the first to speculate on why Edward is the way he is, and others have done and will do far deeper analyses on this point than me, but nonetheless, I'll offer a few ideas. In the context of the TTTE universe, I think that part of Edward's kindness simply stems from being old, wise, and experienced. He's seen engines come and go, and his class replaced and was replaced by another. The engines that are so proud of themselves now will find themselves in his wheels eventually. Plus, it's quite likely that Edward knew of engines who were replaced and eventually scrapped; back then, it wasn't the terrifying thing that it became later in the series because it followed the idea of engines simply living out their full and natural lives. Scrapping and modernization became such threats because even engines who hadn't lived out their service lives were being withdrawn and scrapped, and an early death is much more terrifying to engines than death itself.

But Edward's experience aside, he's well-versed in yard politics. If he causes trouble, then that won't make him friends with either other engines or the management. Edward has, in a sense, been abandoned for being a shy steamer, and unlike the others who are here on trial, this is his home now. They may be being rude to him in his own home, but whining and whinging will get him nowhere, and he's learned that lesson well from watching countless upstart engines be put in their place or live long enough as kings to eventually lose their crowns. He knows he's older, that he's almost lived up to the end of his expected service life, so all he can do is put on a brave face and do his best to prove that he's Useful still.

Outside of the book's context, Edward's character feels very much like an ideal of the upstanding Christian, which makes sense given Awdry's profession. Edward consistently turns the other cheek when people are cruel or rude to him. He stands up for himself through his deeds rather than giving in to anger. And that's a very important lesson to teach young children; being good and kind individuals leads to much better outcomes down the line. Edward feels like an intentional role model by which Awdry could deliver these stories to his son, and keep him as an interesting protagonist who taught important lessons about the importance of being kind and persevering through and despite adversity from both one's friends and family and outsiders. Many of us see Edward as a role model, as someone to aspire to, for this very reason.

The first example of Edward's kindness comes up in the very first story of the Railway Series. The coaches ask Edward to "not bump and bang [them] like the other engines do" (Edward's Day Out). And Edward obliges! He comes up to them "very, very gently" and takes them along. They're so grateful that they say they're glad he's the one who took them out. At the end of the story, he does have a moment where he tells the other engines: "I'm going out again tomorrow[;] what do you think of that?" (Edward's Day Out). Admittedly, this could be seen as slightly snarky, but I think it's moreso coming from a place of genuine excitement and wonder, like "Wow! Finally! Finally, I got to go out, and tomorrow, I get to do it again!" It doesn't feel malicious so much as wanting to share his joy with the others, mostly because he falls asleep right after. If he actually cared about their opinions or being right, he likely would have stayed up to hear them.

In the next story, Edward helps Gordon up the hill, and naturally, is not thanked by Gordon himself, but rather, his driver decides he'll ensure that Edward gets a nice new coat of paint in thanks for his hard work. It's quite clear though that Edward didn't help Gordon out of any expectation of a reward, or even a thank you. He did it because it was the right thing to do, and the driver noticed that. But an even better example of Edward's kindness being notable is in the next book.

After Henry is shut up in the tunnel for being vain, Gordon teases Henry about it, and Edward does not. This is pretty significant because it's rather likely that Henry was one of the engines teasing Edward in the first story:

It's quite likely that that's Henry on the left, there, with Gordon being on the second to right, next to Edward. Plus, looking at all of their smiles compared to Edward's distress, it's clear that Edward is the butt of the joke and everybody's laughing. Thus, it makes it all the more satisfying when Henry and Edward work together to pull the express, and Henry is rewarded with a new coat of paint. He wants a blue and red one, as then, he says, "I'll be like Edward" (Edward, Gordon and Henry). It's just delightful to see how Henry, who had also been unkind to Edward, now strives to be more like him due to acknowledging and seeing the kindness and grace that Edward has shown him even when Edward truly didn't have to. Edward, I think, is much more interested in making friends than remembering faults, and seeing this happen is just proof that his efforts are starting to bear fruit. What he's been doing matters. His kindness has begun paying off. And I think that this is more than enough to prove to him that his efforts AREN'T in vain. That choosing kindness will work. Edward has never been one to shy away from hard work, and this proves that it's both working and worth it.

Now, there's also times when Edward's kindness doesn't particularly help the recipient, and such an example comes in the form of the tale Thomas and the Trucks. Thomas wants to do something other than shunt, so Edward offers to let him take some trucks. However, Thomas doesn't know anything about trucks, and disregards Edward's advice about managing them. Perhaps it was irresponsible of Edward to allow Thomas to take the trucks--it could very well be a lapse in judgement that came about from wanting to do a favor for a younger colleague. However, I would also argue that Edward may not have known that Thomas had never dealt with trucks. When Edward offers, Thomas gives an enthusiastic yes. Plus, Edward clearly takes trucks to and from Barrow (he mentions that he's "got some trucks to take home tomorrow" in Thomas and the Trucks) and in the context of the story, it sounds like Edward isn't always at the same sheds that Thomas is at. Thus, he likely just didn't know that Thomas had no experience with trucks, and did indeed think that he was doing Thomas a solid. The Fat Director not being mad at Edward for his role in the mess also supports this; if he really felt Edward was at fault in any way, he wouldn't have given him compliments.

I think that a lot of the fandom also sleeps on James and the Top-Hat and Troublesome Trucks as great James and Edward stories. While it's true that James the Red Engine is often considered one of W. Awdry's worst, there's still some good moments to be gleaned from it. In the first story, James and Edward double-head a train as James has to get used to working on the railway. He gets steam all over the Fat Director's new hat and immediately wants to run away from his problems, urging Edward and his coaches on so that he can outrace consequences. He gets so overzealous that he accidentally overshoots the station, and he and Edward have to back up. Despite this, and his worsening mood, Edward is encouraging, getting them both up Gordon's Hill, and even tells him a story that causes him to laugh so hard he gets hiccups. Of course, James has to deal with the Fat Director's anger in the end, but it's clear that working with Edward, at least for a little while, brought him some comfort and relief. In Troublesome Trucks, when the coupling snaps on some of James's trucks and he has to figure out how to proceed, Edward offers help, but James refuses, wanting to do it himself. Edward then offers him encouragement throughout it all, and when James finally succeeds, is rewarded for his efforts by the Fat Director. This is an excellent start to James and Edward's friendship, which continues to deepen with time and makes their relationship in future stories such as Old Iron feel that much more organic. James comes onto the NWR as having messed up, by having a fiery debut that lands him in a field, and as seen in other stories, suffers from Gordon and Henry's derision as a result. It's my opinion that with this foundation, Edward's kindness is keenly felt and appreciated, even subconsciously, and pays off in dividends as the series progresses.

From the earliest point in their relationship, Edward is encouraging and kind, seeing James's attitude as a deep, genuine desire to do well and fear of being unable to live up to expectations. Edward knows those feelings! He's felt them keenly himself! And this is another reason why he chooses kindness: Edward has developed a keen eye for people (and engines). He has a good sense of how they're feeling, and why they may be acting the way they do. He can empathize with a lot of what everyone's going through, and that also makes it easier to choose kindness. After all, none of these engines are truly bad people. They can be arrogant and stubborn, but that comes with youth and prestige more than anything, and Edward has seen plenty of that smoothed away with time.

The last example I'll give is that of Edward and Skarloey in Skarloey Remembers. Edward knows Skarloey well, from bringing him passengers way back when, and seeing him looking worse for wear in an open-sided shed, stops to talk to him. He invites Skarloey to talk about his line and just reminisce for a while, because he knows that's what the other needs. Not to mention that he and Skarloey are on the same page about a lot of things; it's nice talking to a fellow older engine who just gets it. It's also very telling that Edward was chosen to introduce Skarloey and the Skarloey Railway; he's the best listener and it makes sense that he would have history with Skarloey. Just by listening and being invested in other engines' lives and things that they care about is he able to make genuine and meaningful connections with other engines, because Edward has learned that by listening to people, people will generally start also listening to you. It's another subtle expression of kindness that helps him connect with others and be part of their lives, and I get the sense that's really what Edward wants.

Part of Edward's idea of feeling Useful is not being lonely. He knows what loneliness is. He felt it when the Furness abandoned him on Sodor by selling him for cheap and essentially telling him to not bother coming home. He knows the shape of loneliness from staring at the other engines coming and going, never being chosen, his boiler cold. And so, when he sees other engines at their lowest, at their loneliest, when they feel foolish and without any support, he extends his kindness. He extends his empathy and support. He has been there, and wouldn't wish the same on any other engine. And he has seen how kindness pays off--perhaps not in the short term, but always in the long run. Edward's wisdom comes from one who has seen and experienced too much, and has worked hard to receive the love that he has. The world may be cruel to humans and engines alike, but that's what makes Edward's choice to be kind all the more meaningful--his kindness is given freely and rewarded handsomely, in ways both big and small.

Edward reminds us of what it means to be at our best. And it is that which makes Edward stand out for so many of us, 40 years on, as the kind of person we want to be some day.

Happy birthday, Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends, and a very, very happy birthday to you, Edward <3 Dry rails, and good running!!

[jadehaven]

Elrond and Galadriel S2 are not the same Elrondriel from S1.

I just started my rewatch of season 1 of ROP, and immediately my interpretation of their relationship has elaborated since the events of season 2. Warning you, this is a long post, but let’s jump in ↴

S1E01

There’s one specific line that made me realize how the distance between them over the last centuries has changed their relationship. Galadriel says to Elrond:

“Why Elrond, you really have become a politician.”

This demonstrates that before their time apart, their dynamic was different. He wasn’t always this pristine, polished and polite elf. It’s almost like he is leaning *too* much into his elven side, and he’s gotten used to using it as a front. To me, it’s almost as if Galadriel misses the human side of him, but it’s been well packed away now since she’s been gone.

My interpretation is that his human side is where his weakness for Galadriel really lies. By putting it away while she’s gone, he’s made it easier to accept that they will always be different— half elf vs full elf. She will be resilient in a way which he cannot. And, she will be leaving. It’s much easier to part with someone you deeply care for if you deny the part in you that would beg them to stay if you could.

When he says to her “What you have always been; *my friend*. It pulls us out of the moment to recognize that this is where they are now, established in their “careers” so to speak, but it is not where they’ve always been. They’ve accepted that this is as far as their relationship will go, this is the full extent of their need for each other.

“What you have always been: my friend.” is also “This is the most we will ever be in this life: friends.”

They’ve never considered anything more because they have accepted that this is where the story ends. She’s a soldier, he’s a politician. But like I said, they weren’t *always* this, and perhaps, during the time of “what you have always been* there was the fleeting, yet gleaming possibility of *more*.

The days when Elrond and Galadriel would sit under the trees, Elrond reading poetry and practicing languages. Galadriel making fun of him, and other times resting in the wake of his voice- some of the only times she truly *could* rest.

Chasing each other around the river, play fighting until one is over the other, because once there was no “pristine and polished”, there was only her half human friend. The only one who saw and understood her brashness, her grief, her misalignment.

There was Elrond, who’s hunger for knowledge allowed him to catch up with Galadriel, maturing further than she, in wisdom beyond his years. The elf who one day, instead of pining her down by the strength of his hands, put her in her place with his words.

But after everything? They’ve spent so much time apart that they forgot those versions of them even existed.

The version of them where Galadriel can recognize Elrond’s words in the High King’s speech, so much so that she turns to him only to catch him mouthing the words. A split second smile that says “I know you better than anyone else.”

By the time they reunite, only a fraction of who they were are who they are together remains. And oh, how he misses it. But wisdom would be to stay where he is, and for her to go where she needs to go. And without Galadriel, there is no reminder of his human side. There is no need of it. So he will continue on as a politician elf, and nothing more. He will finally make something of himself that is worthy to be proud of.

Except, that this is actually a *second chance* story, and it doesn’t end here.

“I’ve missed you.”

The weight in that sentence. The truth that comes forth— realize, that this is a form of grief, a grief that the human in him understands. His elven side should know that he will see her again one day in Valinor, and that all is well. But not all that is in him has been put to rest. That little bit of peredhel, the faces and words that come out only when he’s deep in the mines of a mountain, far from where the sky can see him, comes out around her.

“Galadriel! It’s Elrond!”

“Prove it.”

Prove to me that you are still you, and I am still me, and we are still who we are to each other, because being with you is the only place I truly feel safe. Prove to me that that place is not lost, that I can still come back to it.

If only it was that easy.

S2

“You were my friend!.”

Why is her betrayal so personal? Some would say my perspective is far fetched, but there has to be an explanation as to why it hits to deep. Was it that trust was broken? That she didn’t listen— but wouldn’t that affect all the elves? Why does he say this one line?

Because he’s said it to himself for centuries, and he was ready to get to stop. And now she’s back, and his peredhel is back, and he has to decide what he’s going to do if he has to spend thousands more years either at or away from her side. ‘How could you stay? Why would you make it that much harder for me? For us?’

Oh, and in the mean time, she fell for the Dark Lord. He could see the affect he had on her.

She’d rather have *Sauron himself* over her *best friend*?

I’d be pissed too.

“It was entirely of your choosing.” ‘Why do I know that? Because of course you’d choose a fighter, unlike me. Of course you’d choose a human, because you like that about me. Of course you’d choose him, when you could’ve chosen me.’

“If this friendship ever meant anything to you… then you’d leave.” Sigh. He’s so tired of being just her friend.

And that is why the tension builds. That is why it’s so personal. But even in their quarrelling, there is hope, because finally, *finally* after years and years and years apart, they are the closest they’ve been to who they were before. The “I can see right through you” type of bickering. The “You’re a pain in my ass, but also the most important person to me.” kind of love. It hurts, but I’d reckon it’s better than the Polished Politician Elf and Vengeful Warrior Princess roles they were playing whilest apart.

And so it goes, as usual in a second chance story, they have the chance to either pretend for another few thousand years that the love they have for each other can still fit squished tightly inside the little box of “friendship”, or, let the walls come down and accept that you simply cannot live without loving this person to full capacity. In this case, well… let’s just say another word for *tension* is *denial*.

Maybe, a part of Elrond realizes the truth too late. Maybe only the human side of him realizes it, but it’s just enough to put a crack in the glass. Just enough to let a little bit of love bubble out and into his hands, to reach for her face, and then into his lips, to reach for hers, before retreating again. In that moment, they’re finally where they always were meant to be. If he sees her again, he will put it right. No more tension, only truth. The glass is broken and eventually all the walls will come down, one by one— starting with saving her life, even if it means denying that “oh so sure, prestigious elven wisdom” that courses through his veins.

With everything stripped away, they’re not who they were at the beginning of season 1. But I would argue, that who they were together in season 1 was not who they really are at all. Now we finally see Galadriel, as the Lady of Light, and Elrond Peredhel. Both coming around to accept their full selves, which will in turn, perhaps, allow them to accept the love they have for each other.

Maybe after nearly losing each other 3 times, they’ll come around to the fact that their story has much more weight then they’d imagine, and thus, finally finish what Tolkien put away in a box decades ago. I guess only time will alone tell, but in that time, I’ll hold onto my hope.

Thanks for reading :)

JH

[babeydollx]

The Fourth Day of Kinkmas: Virginity | Steve Harrington

Warnings: cursing, smut, virginity, oral sex, mentions of sex, some fluff

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Female Reader

Summary: In which Steve and Y/N have their first time together

Author's Note: I'd just like to put out there that, the first part of this fic shows that Y/N feels kinda shameful about being a virgin but seriously.. there is nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about when it comes to being inexperienced. Everyone is ready at different times, some sooner than others but it's okay not to be ready right away 💗

12 Days of Kinkmas Masterlist

© Maybanks-Luver 2023, please do not steal, copy, modify, repost, or translate my work.

You were making out with your boyfriend Steve at his place. You were planning on staying the night with him since it was the weekend. You had stayed at your boyfriend's house many times but, this was the first time that your kissing had got this intense and heated. You weren't really sure what to do with yourself since you had never really done anything like this before. Steve knew that you were a little inexperienced but, he doesn't know it to it's full extent.

As the two of you were making out, you pulled away from him before looking away. "I- what's wrong, baby?" Steve asked with a small frown. He could always tell when something was bothering you. "Well it's just.." you sighed before speaking again, "I mean I am unexperienced." You said, sounding almost ashamed. "Well I already knew that you were babe." He said as he tilted his head, trying to figure out what the real thing upsetting you was.

"Yeah you know only a little of the truth though." You said. "What are you talking about?" He asked. "Well..." you felt embarrassed to tell him but you knew that you had to eventually. "It's just.. I'm still a virgin." You said quietly. Steve sat there for a moment in silence which just worried you more. You weren't sure what type of reaction he would have to you telling him this information. He was already super experienced with pretty much all things sexual. You were just scared that if he knew that you were a virgin that that may turn him off of you for good.

"Are you mad?" You finally asked, trying to break the awkward silence. Steve looked over at you with a confused look on his face. "Mad? Why would be mad, baby?" He asked. "Well.. because I'm not a virgin and.. I never told you until now." You said quietly. "Oh sweetheart.." He said with a frown as he took your hands in his own. "Baby that would never upset me. It's completely okay that you're still a virgin and I'd never push you to have sex with me if you weren't ready for it." He said softly. "But you're so experienced and I'm not. I don't even have a shred of experience when it comes to anything sexual other than making out." You said with a frown.

"Well that's okay though. Everyone starts out inexperienced, babe." He said. "And it's totally up to you when you decide to have sex and who you decide to have it with. And if you want to not do it earlier on and wait then that is totally your choice." He said. "Everyone's different baby but, you should never ever be ashamed of yourself because you're a virgin or because you're inexperienced because, it's okay." He said with a small smile. "Well about the being ready part." You said before looking up at him. "I am ready to have sex.. I know I can trust you and I know that you're the one I have been saving myself for." You said.

"Wait, are you sure baby?" He asked. "Because really, it's okay if you aren't ready. You don't need to have sex with me just to make me happy." He said as he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. "No I'm not just saying it, Steve. I really am ready. I know I am." You said with a smile. "I want to do this with you.." You said softly. He nodded before leaning in and softly kissing you again. The kiss started off gentle and loving but quickly turned into passion and hunger. You tangled your fingers in his brown locks as the two of you made out passionately. Steve broke the kiss so he could stand up before scooping you up into his arms causing you to giggle.

He took you upstairs to his bedroom before laying you down on his bed gently. He began to kiss you again before kissing down your neck, leaving hickies all over your soft skin. As he kissed down your body, he pulled off all your clothes until you were completely naked. He stood up at the end of the bed so he could admire you. "God, you're so gorgeous laying out on my bed like this." He said as he bit his lip. He spread your legs apart so he could get a look at your pussy. You sat up on your elbows watching him, both nervous and eager to see what he would do next.

He got onto the bed and settled his head between your legs before licking a strip up your folds. You gasped and sighed, rested your head back on the soft pillow behind you. He licked up your folds once more before spreading them. Steve looked up at you before diving in, licking and sucking at your clit. You moaned out as he ate you out like he was a starved man. "I- fuck baby.." You moaned as Steve continued to eat you out. As he was eating you out, you felt a knot starting to tighten in your stomach. And before you knew it you felt a wave of pleasure wash over you causing your legs to tremble.

"I- Steve!" You moaned out his name as you came on his tongue. Steve pulled back with a smirk. "Fuck baby, you're so hot.. I can't wait until I get you on my cock." He smirked devilishly. "What are you waiting for." You said as you looked up at him, biting your lip. "Oh baby, I'm gonna have so much fun with you tonight.

Author's note: tysm for reading!

[sister-of-hitoshi]

Begging on my hands and knees for a Warumono san x small chubby reader who has body image issues PLEASE- like he doesn't understand why humans feel so saddened about their bodies sometimes, or why they think skinny people look so attractive???((I'm going off the idea that for his alien culture, it's very much akin to Sparta types of likes and stuff, ie: everyone wants to be the strongest in order to serve their planet and help.))

To my lovely anon, this is my first ever ask!!! Thank you so much for having faith in me with your request (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠) I hope it's alright ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

Sending loads of love your way<33

...You love me more??!!

Genre: Slight angst, fluff

Character: Warumono-san/Mr villain

Warnings: Body image issues ahead! Please love yourself <33

It was a regular day-off date at a nice cafe.

A regular day of admiring this tall and handsome man who had taken pity on your state a few days back and started to temporarily date with you.

Yes.....That's what you explained to yourself. There could be no other explanation.

It was just another day.

Another regular day of self-loathing.

You were never happy about yourself. At your home, you had even put some translucent sheets over your big wardrobe mirror as some sort of barricade which deterred you from seeing your full figure. You didn't care if you couldn't properly see which dress was more flattering on you, it was better than seeing your ugly, unflattering self. Yes...ugly.... unflattering...

"...There's no way that this hot guy would actually be in love with me." You muttered to yourself absent-mindedly, the other half of your brain busy admiring his sharp feautures. You were never going to believe that he was actually in love with you. You knew your place.

But what you didn't know was the extent of Mr hot guy's love for you.

For he was even willing to choose you over his lovely pandas.

Even though it had only been a little while, he became so open to you about almost everything- well everything except for his job and identity which were classified information. You were so soft to hug, just the right size for him to squeeze his chest when patting your head or booping your nose. You were just way too adorable. So much so that imagining you in a panda onesie was enough to make him cough up whatever food he was having at that moment and roll on the ground back at his home.

Right now at this quaint little cafe, as both of you were lost in thought about the other, you didn't fail to notice how his face suddenly became all serious as he scrunched up his brows.

Well it looks like even he's disgusted now.

He was about to say something when you beat him to it.

"I'll excuse myself to the washroom."

You didn't wait for his response and hurried away.

"Of course", you said to yourself. "Of fucking course."

You loved him so much, you were so scared that he was actually going to bring up his disinterest in you at the table, so you excused yourself first.

Your fist slammed beside the sink.

A coward. That's what you were.

"I knew it from the start... that's why I didn't try to love him too much but...what can I do when he's so good with me?..." You bit your lip hard, the air felt nauseous. It was getting hard to breathe.

"Why did he have to be so attractive and kind..."

It seems even your tears were mocking you, for they were fat, full of the weight of your misery.

"I hate myself, and I love him, and I hate that he has to date such a miserable looking person like myself"

With tears rolling down your cheeks and you using your hand to wipe your face to no avail, you turned around to leave the washroom and fetch some tissue papers from the dispenser. Seems like you couldn't even wipe off these ugly tears.

But before you could even comprehend it, you were swiftly hugged by strong, large arms.

"Y/n....what happened?"

A man with his familiar deep, soothing voice, voiced out his worry. This made you cry harder.

Mr villain felt akward, he didn't know how to comfort his favourite earthling who was crying like this infront of him, so he did what he thought calmed him the most when he was feeling stressed. He hugged you and patted your head.

"Oh it's nothing....But it's okay if you want to stop now....I know we are together only temporarily and I know too that...you don't really like this ugly unflattering thing that is me-"

"Y/n what are you saying?" He shook you by the shoulders. This was one of those very rare times when he was swiftly losing his composure. But he knew that he needed to comfort you right now. You are his top priority.

"You're my favourite. I love you..........even more than I love pandas"

Wait- wait what?

"No no- wait- pandas are your favourite, even a kid who sees you for the first time will get it... And you're telling me you love me more??!!"

You fake-gasped and started laughing a bit, finding it really absurd but more unbelievable.

He was glad that your tears that stopped now, and that he had internally taken snapshots of your face and saved them to his memory. He means- you looked so adorable even when crying. His poor heart could only take so much.

Deciding now was the best time, he confronted you.

"I heard everything Y/n."

His deep voice ran through your being, making you shiver. Your immediately became tensed. He noticed this. He only held you tighter.

"I really love you a lot, and I love hugging you too. Why would the way your body looks really affect my love? I love you for who you are"

You immediately looked up at him, and the sincerity in his eyes was enough to break all the bars of negativity that were caging you in.

"I appreciate that you like me too, so please accept that I love you, both you and your body, and I want you to love yourself the way I love you" He continued to look at you through his bangs, until he suddenly turned away from you.

"Iloveyourcuteness"

"Hmm? What was that? Can you please repeat it?" You were trying to lighten up the situation now, so you playfully pleaded him with those big doe eyes that always made him kneel and pull on his bangs even he even thought about them.

"I love your cuteness... you're adorable. The perfect size for me to hug and p-perfect for a kiss-"

You brought him down by the shoulders and kissed him on the nose.

He became so blushy, his eyes became glossy, he was so awkward and genuine, your love for him grew tenfold, while his for you grew manifold.

It seems that everything that you had claimed to know about your situation was entirely wrong. But this was a wrong that felt right.

___________________________________________

"So why were you scrunching up your brows at me and making a serious face back then? I thought I had offended you...haha, sorry if that's the case though" you said, looking at him bashfully while scratching your cheek.

"You don't need to be sorry, it was just me trying to imagine you with a panda costume...sort of"

"Oh."

The response did little to conceal your vibrant blush. You internally screamed and kicked your feet, he was soooo cute being all mumbly and blushy, you'd definitely make it a point to surprise him with it later, heheh!

Well looks like you'll have to say 'bye-bye' to those sheets now.

[natsmagi]

some more natsume gender posting but i do admittedly get very annoyed when i see people claim natsume hates things related to femininity because thats just. Blatantly not true. i did make a post a little while back talking about natsumes gender generally (might be a lil dated by now but eh), but there are some additional points id like to make

first thing being natsume very much enjoys more feminine things!! particularly things related to baking/gardening because thats what he would do with his mom when he was little!!!! (plus his newly added skill being cooking!)

with this and his undying love for his mom in mind, does it not make sense for natsume to hold feminine activities fondly? not only is he quite good at it, but it reminds him of his childhood spent with his mom!! he looks up to her alot!! and hes also thankful for the childhood he had because it makes him feel more unique. literally how does any of this read as a hatred towards femininity or his upbringing??? his mom is literally his number 1 inspiration and shes the reason he had this upbringing to begin with. Frankly the assumption that he hates feminine things just flat out does not make sense

and he doesnt even necessarily mind things like "-chan" either. though this one depends entirely on the person. for example kanata is allowed to call natsume nacchan but if tsumugi calls him natsume-chan blood will be spilt. to re-emphasize the point made in my previous post; natsumes biggest concern is being viewed as weak. he hates being infantilized more than anything. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" thats not tsumugi feminizing natsume, thats tsumugi reminiscing on the child natsume he used to know. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" it feels like hes not being taken seriously, that hes still viewed as a child, that he hasnt matured (which is also why he doesnt like being called "cute" bc. yknow. kids r cute). and this is a REALLY big insecurity of his. he hates being viewed as naive. In the same vein though, natsume is insecure about not being manly enough too (such as him viewing his inability to swim as "not manly"). Which is also a really interesting point of discussion when it comes to natsumes character! but its important to note that his insecurity in his masculinity does NOT translate to a hatred of femininity. natsumes relationship with gender is an incredibly nuanced one and its so frustrating when people dont even bother trying to read into it and just completely generalize his character

with that said natsume DOES have some internalized misogyny though. But this ones kinda hard to navigate as. well. Almost the entire cast has had some to a certain extent at some point. esp in the early stories. which could all just be bad writing. But it adds to the complexities of femininity and womanhood, how the two are often associated despite being distinct from one another. and with this distinction between the two it adds ANOTHER interesting layer to natsume and his own relationship with gender, because we know he didnt mind being raised as a girl (its just incredibly fucking embarrassing that people know about it), yet his views on gender seem kind of........ Conservative. with him assuming anzu is bad at games bc shes a girl, claiming arashis lying to kids by calling herself a princess, worried that people will view him as less of a man for being unable to swim, etc etc. Like you truly cannot just read ONE story and think you now have a full grasp on natsume and his relationship with his gender. i cannot stress enough how complex it is. but this complexity is exactly what makes it resonate. if you're insecure, it makes sense for you to develop a toxic habit of punching down in order to get higher, esp since we know natsume doesnt handle his emotions super well

this section will be very speculatory and is just my own personal analyzis, so dont take it as gospel. But from my understanding it seems like natsume does genuinely enjoy more feminine things, but hes caught up in gender expectations (potentially due to him knowing both what its like to be a girl and a guy?) that this can cause him to say admittedly quite bigoted things due to his insecurities. natsume is a character that wants to be perceived a certain way; he wants to be cool, mysterious, alluring, but as we should all know by now This is a front he puts on. he very often puts on fronts and lies about his true nature and intentions. which all reads like a fear of authenticity. i dont think natsume genuinely holds those beliefs previously listed, he is just afraid of being vulnerable and, once again, having weak points exposed. he was told to be a girl when he was little and now hes basically told to be a guy without having the Common Guy Upbringing, which can easily turn into developing beliefs of toxic masculinity if you're the type who "plays the part" rather than being your authentic self. hes being told what a man is by the world around him so he tried to shape himself into it to play the part. He can be very blunt and cruel in his words to others, but i personally just see it as a projection from his end. its an attempt at making himself seem better and manlier than he actually is by using his words where hes lacking in action. You can pull off alot of mind games with a simple sentence alone. words can paint a deceiving picture if used correctly, and natsume is a fortune teller; if anyone knows how to say the right thing to get a certain impression from someone its him

i do also think its important to note that as time goes on natsume is starting to express himself genuinely more. Just like the rest of the enstars cast; his story is one of growth and bettering yourself as a person. coming to terms with who you are and learning to let others in

either way. im not one to gatekeep but i need ppl who dont read switch stories to stop speaking so definitively on natsumes relationship with his gender or im gonna start throwing rocks at people

TLDR this shit is NUANCED and to say its 100% this or 100% that does it a disservice to me

[missmarveledsblog]

It's only pretend right ? ( Bucky barnes x reader) Part 4

summary : after such a good night she bring bucky to show him where they were sleeping which was also her childhood bedroom . finding new thing he never knew as she see what nat and wanda packed for her bedtime attire leading to one of a few moments the two have , she is faced to deal with the past fears while tony stumble on to something to cure his boredom

warning: ok so i know i said it was a fluffy series but there's a little bit of angst but it's for plot but its mostly fluffy , allusion to past trauma , shitty family , her sibling being goals and steve and nat being well honestly the GOATS .

Previous part

The night ended on good note as she led him to her room , trying to steady her nerves  . while a nervous Bucky was  taking in the space , girly and yet not a perfect balance that described Y/N  to a T. He walked around exploring the space chuckling at the books on her desk, volumes of science and engineering books.  He noticed the army leaflets  already knowing her family were very big on it, giving her grandfather and other men with the exception of Jack . 

“Were  you going to enlist?” he asked, holding it up . 

“ I was then but well i didn’t” she smiled sadly.

 “ Well your job now isn’t far off” he mused. 

“Why do you think i like it so much , youngest female avenger too which is an achievement” she beamed.

 “ Hey no, I feel like a creepy old man when you say that,” he joked.

 “ I mean 107 and your fake girlfriend is 24 practically a cradle snatcher” she mused a squeaked when he pounced on her knocking her on to the bed bursting into a fit of giggles as he tickled her side. “Ok ok tapping out” she panted eyes locked on the man above her . she could fully appreciate the full extent of the blue of his eyes , once filled with such sorrow and coldness now sparkling like the clearest ocean. She felt it like a magnetic pull as his face came closer to hers .

“ hey you two keep it down” her brother banged the door, his voice a teasing and jestering tone but the two separated and moments before lost. 

��  we should sleep  , you got church run tomorrow” she almost whispered. 

“ Yeah, where is that?” he snorted, trying to calm his own heart beat down. He was sure he was going to kiss her and even more sure she was going to kiss him back . 

“ GPS will be your best friend , i’ll get Jessie tag along , grandma can’t say no” she shrugged, opening her case only for her cheek to go deep red. “ I'm going to kill those two” she whined, seeing the bed clothes consisted of a short night dress or crop top and shorts. 

“ you ok doll?” he asked. “ yeah nat and wanda packed the case and well..” she held up the night dress making his throat instantly dry up . 

“fuck” he muttered wondering if the widow was intending on killing him. “ it’s nice .. i mean perfect for the heat” he rambled trying to think of anything else. She pulled out shorts although short still better  to put under the night dress as she headed to her bathroom .

 “ I'm going to die” was all Bucky said before the door opened and she shyly walked out .  He stood not knowing whether to praise god for the sight or curse him given the situation.  She honestly looked ethereal walking out of that bathroom as the clothing of choice hugged her body in every right way that was possible. 

“ I can see if my mama has something,” she said, flushing. 

“ no you look cozy doll” he smiled grabbing the tank top and plaid bottom he would hoped hid how he really thought she looked.  

Laying on the bed after texting her fellow female avengers some colorful messages on their choice of her bed clothes , she looked up, almost dropping her phone when the bathroom door opened. She didn’t know what was going to kill her first , her embarrassment of how exposed she was sharing the bed with her best friend she was in love with or the man in question looking like sex on legs . seeing bucky either partially clothed or shirtless sent her into a short circuited mess, no matter how many times she had seen it was always like the first time. The way her mouth simultaneously went dry and  water  all in one as her eyes raked over his muscled form.  Every toned muscle almost fought the confines of his tank top , to which she was grateful and personally offended at the item of clothing . 

 “ Your grandmother isn’t going to make me go into the church with her right” the question from his lips snapping her from the  trance she was in . 

“ no … i’m not sure” she tilted her head. 

“ I'm pretty sure I might burst into a ball of flames if I step foot in a church now,” he chuckled .

 “ don't do that last time it happened, the pastor passed out” the words out of her mouth made his head turn to see if she was joking or not but she was serious. “ i didn’t know how to control my abilities or as my family keep calling it my gift” she snorted seeing the shock on his face.

 “ Speaking of , you never told you how you got them , I mean none of the team knows,” he said, only to see  a shiver run down her spine and pain expression on her face. 

“ I don't talk about it fury and nat know and wanda because she saw it in my head but i don’t talk about it” her voice trembled and eyes  filled with tears.

 “ hey hey it’s ok we’re not going to talk about it , hey doll sorry look lets rest ok come here” he rubbed her cheek pulling her to his side  hands running up and down her back . he could feel her calming down at the motion . When he looked down to see  her eyes getting heavy and closing . He let himself enjoy the moment , how her eyelashes grace the tops of her cheeks , plump pink lips parting slightly. The even beats her heart before he hit the lights . For the first time in his life Bucky Barnes fell asleep with a smile on his face . 

Sun peaking throughout  the room when he was the one to wake first. Sound of muffled whispers forgotten instantly when he felt her head nuzzling in the crook of his neck , her arm across his chest and her leg over his . he didn’t even think but he felt himself pulling her closer to his body making a little whimper fall from her lips that was the moment he was sure he turned to a puddle on the bed . His eyes closed as the door swung open . 

“ hey … erm wake up” Jack's voice almost trembled in the room keeping his distance at the door. 

“ Go away” she groaned before freezing up at the position she’d realized she was in . 

“ Come on , you too bucky” he called a bit further away . 

 “ I'm up” he rasped, making her bite her lip hard at the sounds that threatened to spill out . the sexy gravel of his voice made her brain go blank. “ baby doll” this man was surely going to kill her. “ time to get up” his head lifted, kissing her cheek eliciting a sound that none of them ever heard out of the girl in the morning before . “ Did she just … she giggled” Jessie almost sent his little brother flying when he barged into the room, shocked at the sound.

 “ Get out before I’ll make you bald with no eyebrows,” she glared. 

“ You did  giggle doll,” he chuckled. 

“ yeah ok , morning sarge” she yawned . The nickname made all blood in the man's body rush down south in turn making him rush towards the bathroom confusing her slightly. 

“  hey giggles park that ass” Izzy held up the brush as her younger sister whined.  “ hey we need , well i need to tell you something since you scared off the other two” her voice dropped slightly. 

“ if it’s because you're nervous don't be, maya will say yes' ' the younger sister smiled brightly. '' no it’s not that .. look we aint happy about it either but Emma , Leah and Cassie are coming for breakfast” she instantly felt her sister shake. “ hey hey look at me , we can go out for breakfast , we don’t have to be here” Izzy crouched down seeing the fear in her eyes. 

“ sorry nature called… hey what wrong” bucky rushed to her side.  

“ our cousin.. She ever tells you how she got her gift .. of course she didn't , now our cousins  well. They say what happened was an accident which is a pile of horse shit  but it was her gift that came after  , she was hurt badly .. like we didn’t .. sorry we didn’t think she would make it “ izzy explained fighting back the tears. 

"Why are they here then?” Bucky asked, seeing it wasn’t just her finding it difficult to talk about whatever happened and to say he was curious wasn’t a lie. 

“ some bullshit they fed mama about grandma getting old  , we ain’t happy , dads not happy” she seethed.

 “ Cassie was a kid she’s not like them” Y/N Said softly remembering the poor girl's face just as terrified as she was.

 “Apparently they want time with grandma since she is not getting younger it’s pile of crap and  for some reason the folks on my mama’s side , well for some reason they're always hard on her after the whole thing they’ve been worse , i’m sure you’ve clued in on that” . 

“ Just let's get this over with. I'm fine , I've fought aliens , talked to a tree and a raccoon from space so i can do this” Y/N  Shook her head walking to her bathroom . “ Did she just say a raccoon and tree from space?”. 

“ The tree’s  ok , the raccoon got hell of a shot but bit of an ass” Bucky agreed. 

“ i … what” izzy stood completely confused to the change of conversation . 

She walked out wearing the summer dress , the prettiest of the ones she owned,  wanting to look somewhat good ,   only to see Bucky standing there with a sympathetic smile on his face, making her truly regret bringing him  in first place. 

“ ready?” she asked . 

“ We can go out and tell them it's a date,” he smiled softly. 

“ no i can do it” she stood straighter, his arm linking in hers. She only got to the middle of the stair when she heard them laughing, making her shake only to shake it off before continuing down the stairs. 

“ I'm here doll” he whispered, kissing her cheek letting his lips linger on her skin . “ Hey kitty saved you and bucky a seat” Jessie called, turning everyone’s attention to the two .

 “ Oh my god look at you girl”  the two eldest girls rushed to her side pulling her into a hug making her tense completely up and the flames flicker on her finger causing bucky to pull her to him wrapping his arm around her waist  probably enjoying more than he should. “ And who is this?” the woman's eyes almost ate him whole. 

“  I'm her boyfriend James Barnes” he nodded, barely smiled to the girl's dismay but kept the flirty grins all for y/n and affection looking towards her  . 

“ So  it’s true you are an avenger how about that, did you show james around town” the woman spoke barely sparing her cousin a glance. 

“ Not yet actually we’re going to go after we drop grandma to church” she smiled. It was so fake and forced, causing her siblings to share worried glances. 

“ doll let's get our seats” he kissed her cheek again nuzzling his face in hers making her giggle. 

“Oh he is so mine” the woman whispered to her sister before they walked into the dinning room . 

“ good to see the silliness is done with” her aunt spoke up . 

“ attempted murder isn’t exactly silliness,” Jessie gritted, even causing Bucky to shoot the man . 

“ What was that?” her aunt asked. 

“ oh he's just happy to be home” Y/N gave that fake smile .

 “ So what, like being avenger do you guys get invited to parties and stuff” . 

“ Emma, their avengers of course they do”her aunt smiled obviously seeing what her daughter was at.

 “Yeah but we prefer not going to them. Attention seeking isn’t exactly what we do it, "Bucky shrugged. 

“ my friends think it’s so cool your avenger” cassie spoke up, almost afraid to even talk. 

“ Maybe we could Facetime them when we're back” she smiled softly to the girl.

 “ We'd like to facetime too, maybe visit?” . 

“ we’re busy all the time, sorry,” Bucky shrugged, making her smirk.

 “ oh i get that so how new is this since you guys aren’t in the press” emma smiled .

 “ si…” she went to speak. “ a year right” her dad smiled looking at bucky. 

“ yeah we thought to enjoy our time instead of the world” bucky lied easily .

 “ keeping that secret from your family,” her aunt shook her head. 

“  she doesn't talk to you guys all the time ,we knew '' Izzy smiled checking her phone just as Y/N went off. 

“  it's tony?” she furrowed her brows. 

“ we better take this , it could be urgent. '' Bucky  smiled secretly thankful for stark interruption as the two headed for her fathers office . 

“ What's wrong, everyone, ok” she asked, instantly answering the phone. 

“can’t a guy call his friends,” Tony rolled his eyes.

“ Who said we’re friends?” bucky asked.  

“ Hey you kill my parents, the least you can do is be my friend” tony teased.

 “ you can’t keep pulling dead parents  card.. Tony why did you ring  and please tell me this is a long conversation” she asked.

 “ ok well nat on her way so is steve they left after your sister rang this morning  , you ok?” he asked clearly, knowing more than he was letting on .

 “ you read my file,” she sighed. 

“ Only the locked part , my lips are sealed well. Steve read it too but after that lips seal” he winked. 

“ Fury told me he was going to get rid of it” she whispered. 

“ Well he didn’t but really kid you ok” he asked more seriously. 

“ As much as i’d love to let you talk in code but the jet's landing” Bucky called looking out the window.

 “ oh shit , bye tony here talk to your guilt trip bestie ” she threw bucky her phone before heading out the front door ignoring the calls of her family.  The minute the jet door opened and the angry redhead  was storming out nothing was scarier than a pissed off widow.

 “ Hey nat wait” she stood in front of the widow. 

“ hey good see you, they in there?” she went to walk around what nat didn’t expect was her best friend to hop on her back .

 “ You can’t beat up my family members, even the shittiest ones, please stop for me” she pouted, making nat’s movement halt. 

“ I won't beat them up , there are many ways to kill a person” she smirked .

 “ no ok i’m not letting anyone stoop to their level please.. Wait did you say kill ” her eyes widened .

 “ Fine but I'm staying till they're gone and I don't mean today I mean when they go back home completely” she moved, smiling and waving to the audience forming on her front porch. 

“ Natasha, what a lovely surprise,” her mother smiled. 

“ hello beth sorry for crashing but i was  missing my favorite avenger so was steve” nat smiled . 

“You guys didn’t need to come out for me,” Bucky teased. 

“ They're talking about me bucket ” Y/N smiled, turning to Steve, catching a frown on his face . “ smile cap” she whispered only for the PR smile to grace his face. 

“ nice to meet you all” he smiled only for a high pitched shriek to come out and all head turning to jack .

 “Steve jack here is your biggest fan” she laughed as her brother's cheek was bright red.

 “ all of you guys  i mean we got three avengers here” she could have sworn the man was going to float at one stage.  

“ well aren’t we lucky to have two gorgeous beefcakes here? '' Emma and Leah lit up. “ Do we sound creepy like that?” Izzy asked. 

“ Nah, they're like shining twins, we’re more cool twins ” Jack said, ignoring the glares his way. 

“ How long are you staying?” Beth beamed. 

“ As long as Y/N is , if that’s ok  “ nat smiled as they all made their way into the house what the rest didn’t notice was the terror twins pushing in front of Y/N So they were directly  behind bucky and steve. 

“ Great” she trailed behind only for Jessie to stand at the door waiting for her with a mischievous smile on his face.

 “What did you do?” she arched her brow. 

“ nothing at all” he held the bottle of laxatives up . 

“ oh loki would love you” she chuckled as they headed into the room seeing her mother bringing an extra plate of food for nat and steve. 

“ You didn’t have to do that ma’am but thank you ” Steve nodded. 

“ So you got a girlfriend steve” leah purred  even their grandmother grimaced.

 “ no but i called dib on Y/N if he screws up sam and pietro didn’t like that” he teased laughing when bucky glared at him .

 “ Some say  I should be a model. What do you think, bucky?” Emma batted her lashes. “ i love that dress on you y/n” nat smiled softly. 

“ Nat’s right You look beautiful doll” Bucky flashed her flirty grin .

 “ Emma you ok” Jessie asked faux concern as they all looked at the suddenly sweaty girl .  the loud gurgles making her cheek turn beet red. 

“ you look clammy dear” . 

“ i don’t feel so ..oh my god” she ran out the door a loud noise following after.

 “ Hey, wait me first,” Leah chased . 

“ Jesus, what’s that smell?” Bucky yelled . 

“ Let's take grandma to church” she got up as Jessie smoothly threw the bottle only for Cassie to laugh. 

“ What are you laughing at” her mother screeched, running to check on her other two daughters.

 “ nothing mom” she snorted before taking the bottle from y/n and hiding it in a vase giving her older cousin a wink .

 “ What did you do?” Nat asked with a proud smile on her lips . 

“ I didn't “ . 

“ i did” jessie walked out proud as punch  . 

“ you ready ma'am?” Bucky asked, holding the door open. 

“ Of course I am , now you listen here young man you don’t let a girl like her go or else maybe super cadet or whatever but she’s my grandchild ” she warned just as y/n came out the house. 

“ Got your bag grandmama” she beamed.

“ Thank you dear” the woman nodded as Bucky closed the door . 

“ you ok bucky?” she asked, wondering if the whole thing was too much .

 “ I think she threatened me,” he  whispered, opening her door for her. 

“ Doubt it black sheep of the family” she snorted before he closed the door.

 “ we will collect you after ok grandma i’ll show bucky around” she called. 

“ Hopefully, air the house out before we get back” the older woman grumbled, causing the two to break out in laughter.  

“ if it isn’t i’ll get you the top room in the best hotel” she wiped the tears from her eyes. “ They pay you enough for that,” the woman asked. 

“ course” she lied putting tony’s black card in her bag making bucky chuckled .

 “ How do you get that?” he asked.  

“ gave a stark big hug” she winked. 

“ ok let’s get this fine lady to church” he shook his head. 

 “ you ready to get your praying on grandma” she cheered . 

“ It's a church not a hip hop concert don’t be silly” the woman tried hiding the smile but Bucky caught it in the rear view mirror .

The drive into town was a nice change of pace compared to the events of the morning they had . But also gave her realization of guilt that she hidden so  much and basically had him blindly walk into the chaos that was her family . So when they waved her grandmother off and reassured the pastor she wasn't going in making the holy man pale and rush off , she was going to be more open with him . 

“ Ok time for the grand tour , no flash photography  and stay with the group please “ she said dramatically.

 “ Very authentic doll “ he chuckled, linking his arm in her, something they did normally yet the touches lately felt different, somehow more intimate. 

“ It's nice here , less chaotic than New York that's for sure “ he smiled, moving his arm to wrap it around her shoulder when he noticed men looking at her .

 “ I love it here but I love New York. Both are home , both have family which is funny because when I blindly followed eli to new york at first I was  freshly gone 19 . He wanted to be wallstreet, I wanted to support him much use that did two days later I was on my own , scared trying to figure out how get home when dude tried to mug me , I may have burnt him a little but cop seen me put me in a cell ,all I kept thinking i was ET” she mused.

 “ E.T ? “ he snorted.

 “ you know the part about the guys in white coats , but I got a bald man with eye patch and trench coat giving me a job “ . 

"Wait, that's how you ended up in shield?” He asked .

“ the very same  a year later on the day I was twenty fury called nat and wanda down to train me because I may have burnt an agent or two” she bit her lip making him wish it was him biting it instead , or how the sunlight hit her like her own person spotlight showing her beauty even more . “ a week later I bump into this grumpy bear of a guy who gave out to me” she elbowed him softly. 

“ I remember the little spitfire shield agent giving as good as she got” he nudged her back catching her when she stumbled forward. 

“ you know that day may be bad for you but was best day of my life” she smiled . 

 “ I thought the best day of your life was 2 years ago when fury finally let us have you “ he teased .

 “ nah definitely  4 years ago when my little 20 year old self sassed the old man who happens to be her favorite  person and best friend” she giggled when he spun her to face him. 

“ old man?” He leaned forward that magnetic pull once again .

 “ Very “ she bit her lip, a pink flush across her cheek , heart beating so face he wasn't sure if it was hers or his  or both .

 “ you know that morning Wanda read me my horoscope and I laughed at her but  I never doubted it when I met you '' he leaned in more, almost ghosting her lips .

 '' What did it say ” she asked, leaning in. 

“ hey kitty” a voice called, making her head turn  and bucky wanting to punch whoever owned the voice . 

“ Eli”she almost growled

 “ Look I know you're still mad at me but I mean it worked out for you” he smiled almost like he was taking credit. 

“ yeah it did lead me to the best job and boyfriend a girl could have “ she leaned up kissing his cheek. 

“ yeah i see that” he nodded smile faltering the longer they stood .

 “ Look I came over because I heard they were there and  I wanted to make sure you're ok” he said she could almost see the honesty . 

“ i’m fine nat and steve came by so i didn’t have to think about it long enough” she shrugged. 

“ wait as in black widow and captain america “ he almost sounded annoyed which was strange for her both he and jack both love avengers another reason he wanted to live in New york . 

“ that a problem?” Bucky asked. 

“ no i just didn’t expect so many avengers to be here … anyways i got to go” he rushed off almost knocking her down only for Bucky to catch her . 

 “ That was strange right?” He looked down at her .

 “ very , also thanks, come on we go diner on the corner and get the best milkshakes you will ever taste” she pulled him along not really wanna keep thinking about her ex and his oddities .

She walked into the diner and also fell over yet again when she heard the scream. 

 “ KITTY , MARVIN KITTY’S HERE” the waitress screamed. 

“ Martha, good to see you too and hear you ” she chuckled . 

“ Oh my baby” the woman cooed, hugging her tightly. 

“ I can't breathe, “ she giggled . 

“ Who is this?” she let her go only to look down and see their hands still connected. “MARVIN OUR BABY BROUGHT A MAN WITH HER” . 

“ AND DEAFEND US '' Y/N called.

 “ ok come on in , i’ll give you the best seat in the house” she led them to a booth knowing it was Y/N favorite spot. 

 “ I'll give you time to love over menu “ martha smiled leaving them alone. 

 “ I'm guessing you came here a lot,” he chuckled .

“ Every chance she got … sorry” Martha turned around . 

“ what she said my dad took used to take us here for treat night too” she smiled brightly. 

 “ she used to do her homework in that very booth” a gruff voice spoke.

“ Hey Marvin,  how did you know we were here?” she teased. 

“  I have a feeling, I guess” he tapped his chin .

 “ Funny you two” Martha rolled her eyes, still smiling. 

“ Marvin and martha this is jame bucket barnes , my ..” she faded off watching the black suv trailing down street something about it was odd yet familiar she couldn’t quite put her finger on it  . 

“ boyfriend and it’s buchanan not bucket” he shook their hand . “ doll?” he waved his hand over her face before following her line of view.   

“ sorry just erm … nothing we will have the bacon  burgers   and brownie supreme for me” . 

“ same also extra fries please” bucky smiled as they walked off.  “ Ok, what was that?” he asked. 

“ nothing really just seen suv  it’s like one i always saw drive by when i was kid i mean not the same one but almost every time i’m here “ she shook her head realizing she probably sounded nuts. “ Just a strange sort of thing that happens, it's nothing bucky” she giggled . Her words seemly not calming him down in the slightest giving he was more alert then some. “ If I get stark to check the registration  will you chill” she asked, pulling her phone out.

 “ for now, yes,” he nodded . 

“ Done and in time here is our food and easily the best milkshakes in the whole world” she smiled brightly as they thanked them for the food. 

Tony Stark stood confused and a little happy that she text gave him something to do giving everyone was on mission and well others were  on the ranch.

 “ what did Y/N buy her own ranch with your card or do we need to bail nat out of jail” bruce chuckled . 

 “ No, she asked me to check a registration because she accidentally made Bucky paranoid. I need more context so excuse me one second” he walked out the lab and hit the call. “ hey pyro on the prairie , what’s going on? “ he could hear her eyes rolling at the nickname.

 “ we’re at the diner , i came here all time but every time i was here i would see an suv pass by , it’s nothing i mean just one of those things but now my fake boyfriends head is spinning like an owl” she explained as he could here bucky telling her it was strange . “ could be nothing but i’ll check it out now and text you when i  find out  , you wouldn’t know the other ones would you” he asked hopeful tone in his voice. 

“  check my desk   , blue note book very back” i always had written them down to check them one day never got around to it , oh and thanks for lunch stank tell everyone i love them and miss them” she sang before hanging up . 

“ lets check this out” he clapped his hand walking into the lab heading straight to her desk and retrieving said notebook . 

“ everything ok” bruce asked. 

“ our little fire friend has been keeping track of past reg numbers so i’ll check them out and kill five minutes ….. Or not” tony voice went completely blank  as he looked at the screen .  

“ what , what is it” bruce asked concerned etched on his face. 

“ why have shield issued vehicles been following Y/N around , not just the diner too” tony scratched back of his neck wondering why fury left that piece of information out.

 “ you sure it’s shield ?” bruce asked looking at the screen . 

“ you know its insulting little respect you have in my intelligence, it’s right there” he scoffed pointing to the screen . 

“ not what i meant , shield wasn’t always shield tony?” bruce hinted. 

“ F.R.I.D.A.Y.  call fury and get him here ASAP” He called out going straight to the main shield server. “ what you doing?” . 

“ finding out what going on “ a frown deeply etched into his forehead. 

“ should we warn  them i mean what if she in danger” bruce began pacing. “ ring nat fill her in but tell them to  hold off saying anything to the kid we don’t want to worry her unless she needs to” tony nodded as bruce pulled out his phone. 

“ You sure bruce , ok i’ll tell steve now”nat smiled not wanting to give anything away  in company of her fellow avenger and best friends family. 

“ Hey  Steve Stark, think one of the  files on our jet , can you help me look for it, apparently it's important” she asked but her eyes told a different story .

 “ Of course excuse us please” Steve stood following her out wondering what the hell was going on . 

“ nat ?” .

 “ short story  y/n got tony look into some reg plates , she notice the same kind of car  she always sees when she in town and well apparently shield’s been watching her since a kid, i mean could be nothing but then again it’s us so he just asked us keep eye out  while he looks into it. He’s called for fury to come compound too “ she bit her lip not really liking it at all . 

“ if they’ve been watching since a kid ..that goes back to when shield …  Do you think it’s hydra” he asked . 

“ I really hope i’m wrong and say it’s not but why wait this long and why Y/N”  she shook her head. 

“ We have to tell them” Steve walked into the jet. 

“ no tony was right when he said not to say anything unless there is something to worry about”. 

“ she could be in danger nat” he almost felt sick saying it knowing bucky was definitely going to flip out. 

“ I don't like it either but I think we should wait until we know more just for now even” she almost pleaded .

 “ Fine for now” he huffed wondering how the hell he was going to even hide this from them.

It wasn’t long after finishing their food  and saying their goodbyes and promises to come back.  The rest of the tour was given , only to stop a couple of times to say hello to people she’d known and old friends . Bucky couldn’t help standing a little taller when she would call him hers even if it wasn’t true but still he wanted to pretend for now it was. They walked back at perfect timing for the service to be over helping her grandmother back to the car as she gave out about the pastor but said service was good . 

“ So grandma you excited for a night out in a couple nights , jack gonna pop the question to helen” she asked turning  herself to look at the woman. 

“ Well about time I thought I'd be dead and gone before that boy made an honest woman of her”. 

“ they’ve been together since high school “ she whispered to bucky .  “ hey grandma did you know you would marry pop pop” she asked.  

“ god no ,  he was my first friend when his family moved in next door , did everything together , then war happened and we both signed up but got stationed in different parts i was a nurse and he was a private then  we got stationed together , we  used to sneak  and meet up one night i saw him differently , i didn’t see him as the scrawny scraper got into trouble all time  anymore i saw my world and my future” the elderly woman smiled fondly and sadly all in one thinking of her late husband . 

“ he died six years ago” y/n whispered as they all felt the change in emotions . 

“ sorry” he nodded  looking to both of them . 

“ he’s how she got her nickname , my husband gave it to her , see our y/n was a little troublemaker , mischievous and headstrong  still is ,  he’d say she was a little misbehaving kitten adorable as hell but can’t take your eyes off her for a second, one day she was running around like a little tornado broke her mothers favorite vase which i don’t know why thing was hideous but she ran off scared to be told off when my husband check outside he could hear little sniffle from the tree above” the three laughed but he could see the tear forming in both womens eyes . 

“ yeah he took one look at me and said my darn we got a little kitty in the tree , helped out and brought me to the diner” she wiped her cheeks.

” he did always spoil you huh?” her grandmother smiled softly seeing bucky hand holding hers before continuing to drive. 

“ so kitty’s a naughty girl” bucky said confidently til he realized how it sounded.  

“ i was a rebel what can i say” she turned hiding her face and internally screaming, glad she was now home maybe she needed to sit in the freezer. “ well looks like papa  making use of having men around” she looked to see her brothers and steve working on repairing the fences.  

“ I'll help out so that punk doesn’t give out” bucky opened their doors before kissing her  well he was aiming for her cheek when she turned landing  right on her mouth . “ you’d swear it was the first time you kissed “ her grandmother walked off into the house.  

“ HEY JERK STOP KISSING YOUR DAME AND HELP OUT” Steve yelled as they both stood looking at each other.  

“ enjoy the fence .. yeah” she stumbled on the step. 

“ should have called you Bambi, '' Jack laughed. 

“ oh shut up or i’ll tell your hero how you peed on your captain america sheets and cried the whole night. 

“ I was a kid,” he laughed nervously. 

“ He was 14” Jessie laughed, handing Steve a fence post. 

“ Want me to tell Steve how you wanted to marry him” her brother called. 

“ Oh really kitty,” Steve smirked.

 “ don’t get excited Rogers wasn’t for the reason you're thinking” she snorted heading into the house. 

“ Chill Barnes, she wanted to marry him then divorce him thinking she would get the shield”   Frank chuckled seeing Bucky's jaw clenched at his best friend.

 “ That sounds like y/n  , she once used it as a sled, ” Steve snorted. 

“She made one think it’s in the garage  only she made hers black and gold funny like fate or something” Jack nodded to a bucky arm although covered . 

“ she made it with pop pop” jessie smiled remembering the two of them so concentrated on getting just right. 

“ Sounds like destiny to me” Steve nudged his best friend. 

“ yeah so tell her how you feel.. What we’re her brothers we spotted, it wasn’t  legit from the start” .  

“ but hurt her and we’ll  bury you out in the fields” Jessie patted the man's back .  

“I’ll help them” steve added, making Bucky shoot him a glare.  

part 5

taglist :@vicmc624 @babble28 @scott-loki-barnes

[trohpi]

@regulily-microfic • september 6: fire • 933 words

cross-posted on ao3

It was stupid, really. Just an offhand, innocent offer of help with the laundry, and yet that was all Lily needed to explode.

There was no build up, no steadily rising anger. There never is. No, it’s always zero to one hundred, a spark to an inferno, and she has no idea why. Maybe she’s broken. It certainly feels like it.

A pit of guilt churns in his stomach at the memory of Regulus’ face, the frustration and hurt there. He must hate me now, he thinks. I’d hate me, too.

A knock on their bedroom door startles Lily from his spiral and he sniffles, quickly wiping at the tears on his face.

“Lily?” a gentle voice says on the other side. Regulus. Her heart aches.

There’s a shuffle, then a throat clearing. “I’ve put the kettle on.”

Lily’s breath hitches at the care in his voice, and that’s all it takes before she’s ripping open the door. Regulus blinks at the abruptness for just a second before his eyes settle on the form of his upset partner. His face falls slightly at the swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks, concern brimming in silvery grey eyes. Lily feels more tears welling in her own, and she bites the inside of her cheek to hold back a nasty flood of emotion.

“Are you alright, love?” he asks softly, and it was useless. All at once, the feebly-built dam breaks open with a sob.

“I’m sorry,” Lily chokes out, hands trembling.

“Darling.” Regulus reaches out to steady his hands, slender fingers cradling his own gently, delicately. Tenderly. He shutters, his chest aching.

“I don’t know why I got so angry,” Lily stutters through tears. “I don’t— I’m sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry.”

“Love.” A hand comes up to cup her cheek. She nearly flinches at the contact. It’s too soft, too loving, too much. More than she deserves.

“I ruin everything.” His voice is a near-whisper, thick with tears and tension. “I’m sorry I do that, I don’t know why I do that.”

“Lily,” he cuts her off with a firm voice, and this time she really does flinch. She’d been expecting this, of course. The anger, the disgust, the disappointment. Any negative emotion, really. After all, Lily is a fire. It was only a matter of time before Regulus got sick of being burned. She just… didn’t expect it to hurt this much. Not now, not yet.

“Lily,” he says again, voice softer now. “Look at me.”

Lily sniffles as he meets his boyfriend’s eyes, which are gentle and full of love.

“I don’t care that you got angry,” Regulus says, running his thumb along his partner’s cheekbone. “And I don’t care that you needed space. The only thing I care about is the fact that you yelled at me, but I also know you didn’t mean to. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Lily leans into his touch, sighing shakily. “I don’t know why I got so mad, and I’m so sorry I took it out on you.”

“I know, darling. It’s okay.”

“It’s not, though. Sometimes, it’s like a switch flips, and all of this rage that’s just…” He gestures vaguely in the air. “Simmering inside of me, all of the time, suddenly comes to a boil. I hate it.”

Regulus knows all of this already, to some extent. He’s been dating Lily for over a year, after all, and they’ve been friends for even longer. He’s seen her struggle with this more times than either of them can count, and yet he still wants to be with her. Lily has a hard time understanding why.

The hand on her cheek migrates to her hair, fingers running through the short locks of auburn. Lily sighs again. “I wish I wasn’t like this.”

“But you are.” It’s not said unkindly, but it still hurts just a bit. Regulus’ honesty can be brutal sometimes, but that is part of why Lily appreciates it so much. He is willing to cut the bullshit when no one else is.

“I know, I just—” Wish I was better for you. Wish I was better than this. “—Wish I was better at being in control of my own emotions.”

“You’re not gonna like this, but you could always try seeing a Mind Healer.”

He almost groans. They’ve had this conversation before, but Lily’s always shut it down. He doesn’t need a Mind Healer, his childhood was perfectly normal— the standard suburban Muggle family. Sure, his mother was a bit overbearing sometimes and his father a bit too lax, and there’s all the baggage with his sister, but nothing even close to what Regulus went through. No, Mind Healing is for people with real problems, not people like Lily.

But, Lily considers, perhaps it could be.

“I don’t know,” she mutters. “Maybe.”

Regulus’ fingers pause in their movements. “Maybe?”

“Maybe,” she confirms as she pulls back, wiping at the drying tears on her cheeks. “I’m just so tired of this. I’ll still feel stupid, like I don’t belong in a Mind Healer’s office, but I’ve tried everything else I can think of.”

“You’re not stupid for wanting help.”

“No, but I’ll feel stupid for needing it.”

“Just because you haven’t been through a major trauma doesn’t mean you have to be this perfect, undamaged person. You are allowed to not be okay, you know.”

“I know.” He smiles tiredly, reaching out to tangle their fingers together once more. “It’ll just take me a minute to believe it.”

Regulus squeezes her hand. “Well, I’ll be with you when you do.”

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Total $hit$how: Hand Me My Shovel

in which Joy has some strong opinions

cw: referenced violence, death mentions

previous // masterlist // next

×~×~×

Joy’s meeting with Sahota had felt a lot like treading water; expending a shit ton of energy and still going nowhere. The others hadn't fared much better. Kaius seemed more sour than usual on his return, and Benji came back from his hour half an hour early. Harbor hadn't come back at all. She'd almost been afraid the morale would slip completely after the bout of failures, but she should've known she could count on Jer to save the day.

“How'd you do it?” It was the number one question on her mind as soon as she’d caught the look of quiet triumph on his face. He might as well have lassoed the sun.

Jericho took a seat across from her. Training had dissolved into lunchtime not long after he’d left, and Joy’d gotten lost in her own thoughts and lingered in the kitchen even after the other two had gone back to the mats.

Hi mouth tightened at her question. “I guess… I convinced him we could help.”

A fair strategy, but it felt like there was more to it. “What did you say?”

“I'll tell you later.” His voice dropped. “Joy, I think we should talk about something.”

Oh she did not like that tone. One syllable in and she knew something was wrong. “What is it?” she asked carefully, casting a habitual glance over her shoulder. No one in the kitchen, no one in the hall.

“It’s Harbor,” Jer replied, glancing down at the table, eyes on his clasped hands. “He… he hurt Sahota. Pretty bad.”

“What?” She felt her brows knit together at his words. “How bad is pretty bad?”

“He started…” Jericho exhaled, paused as if considering something. “I don't know the extent. He was pretty beat up when I got there. Seemed like he was in a lot of pain.”

“Fuck.” Was that why Harbor hadn't come back once his time was up? She'd thought nothing of it until now; he didn't like hanging out with the group, and was all scowls and bitey comments when he was forced to. Nothing new there, but beating up Sahota? That was lower than she'd thought he'd stoop. Did he resent losing the fight on day one? Was he trying to prove something?

“Are you going to tell anyone else?” she said at last.

Jer shook his head. “No, not… not yet. We're supposed to work together. We don't need any more of a rift between us and Harbor.”

“We also don't need a bully on the team,” Joy said. One bad apple would spoil the mission. She didn't want to have to worry about looking over her shoulder whenever Harbor was around.

“I don't know the full story,” Jericho said. “I think we should talk to him about it before jumping to any conclusions—” 

“I trust everyone had a productive training day?” Vic’s voice seemed to come out of nowhere, and Joy nearly jumped out of her skin.

Shit, how much did he hear?  The thought was instinctive, another habit from making quiet deals and trying to keep out of trouble. She felt she should laugh at her paranoia, especially regarding this, but didn’t it make sense?

Vic was good at acting friendly, but in the last three days alone he’d encouraged them to kill a stranger and watched his partner’s torture as casually as he would a popcorn flick. She had the feeling he’d be quicker to encourage Harbor’s violence than put a stop to it, and that was the last thing they needed.

“I heard Sahota let you all dabble in interrogation,” Vic said, striding into the kitchen. “Did you have fun?”

“I wouldn't call it that,” Joy said, shifting in her chair.

“That's life for you. Never as interesting as the movies.” He took a seat at the end of the table, steepling his fingers. “I understand you made a wager on behalf of Rebecca Finley.”

Sahota’s deal. She’d gotten so wrapped up in the Harbor bullshit she’d forgotten what they’d won.

“Unfortunately, said wager was made without my knowledge,” Vic continued, “and can't be honored in either direction.”

Her mouth was open before she could stop herself. “What? You can't—”

“Cavan.” His tone was a warning, like a rattlesnake shaking its tail, and Joy snapped her mouth shut, clenching her teeth together to keep the words in. The evening meeting where he'd shown them the video was still sharp in her head. Vic could be real fucking mean when provoked. He was a little too similar to some of the army sergeants she'd known in that way, and that wasn't a fact to be proud of.

“As I was saying,” Vic said, “I'm vetoing the deal you made. However, in an effort to reach a compromise, we will be going with a third option instead of either extreme. Finley's off the menu. No more energy will be wasted on deciding what to do about her; we'll just bypass the matter entirely.”

But we earned it.

With the effort of pushing back the sea, Joy managed to bite her tongue. Jericho had earned it, and he hadn’t said a word. Better not to provoke another shouting match with Vic. She knew she wouldn’t come out on top.

“Is that all you have to tell us?” she muttered, unable to keep the irritation out of her voice.

“What are we doing instead?” Jericho asked at the same time, his tone considerably more reasonable than hers.

Vic inclined his head towards Jer. “In the last hour, I've been scouting new assignments,” he replied. “I'm pleased to say I came out the other end with a task for each of you.”

Joy crossed her arms, pressing clenched fists into her sides. Okay, this was good. As long as she was beholden to Vic’s will, she’d better be getting shit done.

“I’ve already spoken to Mr. Manak and Mr. Ruebin. They'll be leaving tomorrow morning to search Finley's drop site for relevant intelligence.”

Her knuckles pressed in deeper, and she had to fight to keep a neutral tone. “Didn't you just say she was off the menu?”

Vic chuckled, and she couldn’t help but think he was entertained by her frustration. Why? Because she couldn’t protest without being threatened with jail time?

“Finley is,” he said. “Finley’s stuff is another matter. Mr. Davis, you and Mr. Harbor will be using my computer to access anything you can on Rotorworx. With your combined skills, you should be able to find weaknesses in their website. Get us some usable information if you can. And Miss Cavan.” His eyes landed on her. “You'll be accompanying Sahota on an expedition of sorts. I've located one of Rotorworx's old project sites. There may be residue there that can clue us in on the Reality Cage.”

Finley could’ve clued them in on the Reality Cage, if Vic wasn’t so hell-bent on doing things his way.

“Okay,” she said, still rigid in her seat. “Cool. Where is he?”

“He’s resting,” Vic said.

She and Jericho shared a glance. Bet he was. The one bright spot here was that the assignments had been divvied up in such a way that Harbor and Jer were paired together. If there was any sense, any fucking decency left in the guy, Jericho could bring it out. If not… Maybe he and Vic were just cut from the same cloth. And in that case, she wanted nothing to do with him.

“I expect you both to tackle your taskings first thing in the morning,” Vic said, getting to his feet. “Rest while you can. It’s imperative we don’t waste another day.”

With that, he left.

Joy slouched back in her chair as soon as his footsteps had faded, looking up at the ceiling. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“He has a plan in mind,” Jericho said. “If he thinks Finley is a waste of time—”

“So what if she is? He can’t just snatch that away.”

“He’s in charge.”

“So is Sahota. Doesn’t he get a say?” She huffed, letting her arms drop to her sides. “What if this keeps happening? The whole ‘my way or the highway’ thing?” She shot a sharp look in Jericho’s direction. “What if it gets one of us killed?” She’d dealt with bad leadership before. Experience didn’t mean shit if you weren’t willing to choke down your ego and listen to your troops.

“I don’t think it’ll go that far,” Jericho said quietly. She wondered if he was trying to convince himself.

“He was fine abandoning Sahota. What if next time it’s one of us on the screen?”

Jericho winced. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do about it.” He let out a sigh, tapping the back of his hand. “It’s just this one mission, then we’re done. We won’t have to deal with it anymore.”

She knew he was right, but it still felt like the wrong call. “Is it worth it? What if we end up with another Finley, but he makes us go through with the murder part? Is it worth it?”

He was looking at his hands again. “What about the Cage? This mission isn’t just for us. People are in danger.”

“I know, just…” She clenched her jaw. “Maybe we can do it without them?”

“Joy…”

“We could.” Just her and Jer could do it. Sneak out of here and break the dangergate before things went south. Benji would probably get in on it too, maybe even Manak. Then they could do things her way. They had a location. All they really needed was a crate of C-4 and a description of the Reality Cage.

But Jericho was shaking his head. “I can’t,” he said. “I can’t take that risk based on a maybe. If we leave, we’re still on the wanted posters. I can’t run forever.”

Her burst of rebellion deflated as quickly as it had risen. He was right. She couldn’t ask him to put his kid on the line like that, and even if she was acting alone, she still wanted to see her family again someday.

“Okay,” she said, nodding. “Okay.” The kitchen fell silent. No distant footsteps, no brilliant new ideas. They were stuck following Vic’s orders. She just had to hope he’d keep them in the realm of sanity.

“So,” she said, once again slouching in her chair. “Harbor.”

“Harbor,” Jericho echoed.

“Should we talk to him now? Before tomorrow?”

“I don’t know,” Jer answered. “I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“I think he might see it as an attack. I think… I should just try to bring it up naturally.”

“It should feel like an attack,” Joy protested. “He did something wrong, and he needs to know it.”

“I don’t know,” Jer said again. “I think he… I don’t know, there’s something not adding up with him. It doesn’t fit.”

“Maybe he just hates Sahota,” she offered. “He was the only one who voted against the rescue.”

Jericho shook his head. “I don't think he meant to take it as far as he did. Maybe something set him off.”

And that was just what they needed on the team, someone with an unpredictable temper. Harbor was already hard enough to work with.

“That's no excuse,” she said.

“Let me try tomorrow, okay?” Jer replied, giving her a sincere look. “If it goes bad, we’ll confront him together.”

If it went bad, she wanted him gone. Sure, the guy had psychic powers or whatever, but that didn’t excuse any of his bullshit. If he wound up going overboard and hurting anyone else, she’d take care of him herself.

“Okay,” she said. 

“And speaking of…” He gave her a curious look. “You'll be with Sahota tomorrow.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you…” Jer grimaced. “Can you try to check on him? See how he's doing?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Because that went so well last time.”

“This is different.”

“Different how?”

“He…” There was that hesitation again, like Jericho was about to drop some big reveal but thought better of it at the last second. “He seemed upset,” he said.

“Sahota was upset?” She frowned. “Like… he was mad?” Hell, she would be too.

“More like… sad,” Jericho said. “Overwhelmed. I don't know.”

Sahota and sad just didn't compute. Overwhelmed, she could understand, but sad about what? Harbor? The failures of his trainees? Based on everything she'd seen from him so far, it didn't make sense.

“Can you do it?” Jericho said, giving her what could only be described as puppydog eyes. "See if he's okay? Tomorrow?”

Joy sighed. Taserbot mazes she could handle. Lab expeditions, she could handle. Feelings? That's where things got dicey. But despite her own reservations, she nodded. “Tomorrow.”

×~×~×

@theonewithallthefixations , @violets-whumperflies , @whump-me , @pirefyrelight , @soheavyaburden , @snakebites-and-ink ,

@sodacreampuff , @starfields08000

@whumpsday , @kixngiggles , @echo-goes-aaa , @whumpcateyes , @clickerflight ,

[sangheilihoes]

Confessions Pt. 1

Warnings: Angst

🫵 @ladysaturnsdust @bloodhaven99 @wyyvernn @konnisart @psybrepunk @heiress-prime @haytham-loves-chocolate @demigoddessqueens @memoriesofafallen @amefuyuu @grandmaster-haytham-kenway @dairsmuids @anli-rambles 🫵

A/n: feels rushed but whatever. Hope you enjoy 🩷

Haytham had been pining over you for weeks, maybe months. You've been friends with him for awhile now, having already known nearly the full extent of what hes gone through, over drinks and vulnerable moments, so he naturally already trusts you. He wanted to make his ever growing feelings known but each time he walked toward you, he panicked, suddenly realizing that you never looked him that way and to ruin such a close, trusting friendship is too hard to bear, so his thoughts were never said aloud.

He hadn’t expected to fall so hard but you filled a part of him he thought he’d lost long ago. You were smart, almost too smart, you could read him when no one else could, you were also inquisitive, eager to learn any and everything. There was also an eye for detail he didn’t have, you could notice a heart shape where he saw nothing. You had a mouth too, you weren’t afraid to speak up if a plan didn’t sound good or if you felt disrespected, the both of you got into arguments because of it but he never got mad, only mildly annoyed. And by gods, you were beautiful. Eyes that seemed to make his heart beat faster when his own met them, hair that made him want to run his hands through, to feel the soft locks run in between his fingers, to smell what shampoo you used and the prettiest lips he wanted to kiss, to feel.

Haytham never loved life, finding it too cold to love but with you, the sky seemed more blue, the trees more green, the flowers and his heart bloomed. No, he would never love life but he would love a life with you, as much as he tried to deny himself such a luxury.

When he had yet another restless night, his sleep filled with nightmares of losing you, dressed simple trousers and a billowy shirt, with his gun on the side. he left his home. He didn’t know where he was going nor did he care but fate somehow lead him to your door. His shaky hand knocked softly, unsure if you were even awake at this point.

‘Well, no going back’ he thought to himself

He waited for you to answer for what seemed like an eternity but was no more than a minute.

“Who is it?” You asked from inside

“It’s just me.” He responded

You opened the door, surprised to see Haytham standing there, looking almost… lost

“Is something wrong, Haytham?” Concern lacing your voice

“No. I… I need to speak with you. Please?” His voice wavered

You let him in without another word, the warmth of you your home inviting compared to the cool night. You were nervous; he looked like he hadn’t slept, his body was slack, hair was down and messy, something clearly wasn’t right.

“Ok, Haytham, cut to the chase, what’s going on?”

“I apologize for disturbing you, I just needed someone to talk to.” He sounded emotional.

Stepping closer, your hand coming to rest on his arm. This wasn’t Templar related was it? You briefly considered grabbing a bottle of ale.

“Y/N… I’m scared.” He finally confessed

“You? Scared? Of what?” You could laugh but he was serious

“You. You scare me, Y/N.”

...Wait, what?! Haytham Edward Kenway? Scared of you?! ‘Am I dreaming?’ You thought

“Why? What did I d-”

“I’m scared of losing you.” He cut you off, his confession knocking the wind out of you. You went to ask why but once again he cut you off

“I have nightmares of losing you; whether it’d be you leaving or dying, I don’t know which is worse. I’ve been so scared to tell you how I feel. You’re my closest friend and I don’t know what’d I do without you.” He paused, taking a deep breath then making eye contact with you.

“Y/N, over these past couple months… I’ve noticed my feelings go from friendship to something deeper. You’ve awaken something long lost in my heart. You’ve been there through finding my sister, losing Jim, Birch, everything. And there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell you. You have more a soul than I ever could. Not even the gods could compare to you.”

“Haytham…”

“Y/N, I’m in love with you and I’m scared. Scared I’m going to lose this friendship, going to lose you. And I can’t.”

All you could do is stare at him in shock, your face burning. You swore he could hear your heart beating. Suddenly his face fell.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that. I’ll leav-”

“NO! Don’t leave! I-I-” You started but the words couldn’t leave. You had started growing feelings too but never said anything, thinking it would pass but it never did, if anything, they grew. You took a deep breath

“Haytham, I feel the same. You mean the world to me and I’d give anything to not lose you, even if it means not telling you how I feel. You’re such a hardass but I’ve seen the other sides, the softer and vulnerable, it only makes me love you more. And to know that you trust and care about me means the world. Thank you for telling me.”

The way he looked at you made your heart flutter, there was a spark in his eyes you’ve never seen before.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” He asked, heart beating out his chest.

“Please…” You responded. Leaning in closer, feeling his body press against yours, his arm coming to wrap around your waist and his other hand coming to cup your face, pulling you toward him. Your hand that held his arm was now wrapped around his neck with your free hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

Haythams lips met your own in a sweet, gentle, tentative kiss. Finally affirming your shared feelings. He felt fireworks go off in his chest, what he imagined your lips to be couldn’t hold a candle to how soft they really were and how perfectly his locked with yours.

Reluctantly, you pulled way, coming to see how dazed and in love he looked. He looked at you like you were the only thing that existed. Suddenly, you found his lips on your again, this time more feverish, desperate to have you and to make up for lost time.

“Stay here, I want you with me.”

“Anything for you.”

[loiola00]

pls would you share your thoughts on sekhan? i really enjoy your opinion on smoke and subzero and i was wondering what you thought of the meltdown that happened once it was revealed that sektor and bi-han were a couple?

hey, thanks for reading my rants and ramblings!

my thoughts on sekhan are pretty neutral. it makes a lot of sense for bi-han to love someone who is lin kuei since birth. i've said it so many times now that he's a deeply flawed asshole and i really adore him, so to see him being soft and romantic makes me all warm and fuzzy.

i like sektor to an extent. she's ruthless and badass, but she, like bi-han, says some problematic shit that irks me. like telling mileena a woman like her shouldn't be an empress. and it's like...was that prejudice because of her disease or because of her sexuality? or both? like, wtf sektor, you're intelligent, why are you spilling bullshit?

as a couple, i think that at this point in time, since it's the very first game of the new era, they work well together. she refused deals and her title as grandmaster just so she could have bi-han at her side again. he's also very protective of her which is ~~~omg prottective bi-han aaaaahhhhh~~~

i also like their dynamic. if we go back to mk11, shao and sindel knew fine well that what they were doing was wrong but it didn't matter because they wanted power.

sekhan, on the other hand, they really believe they're in the right, that they're doing nothing wrong. sektor had the audacity to say kuai liang doesn't know the meaning of family AFTER she crashed his wedding and almost killed his wife. sektor and bi-han are both delulu and it's fun to see.

this also makes a possible sareena storyline perfect. because after doing all this, after yelling lin kuei this and lin kuei that, after dating a full lin kuei woman, he goes and falls for a demon??? oooohh in my opinion that's peak cinema.

as for the meltdown, i get it, we get attatched to chracters a bit too much sometimes, but honestly that's a tiny thing that can be fixed by fanfic. look:

"bi-han thought he knew what love was, that what he had with sektor was forever. until he met you."

excuse me 'cause i'm no writer but see? fanfic is here to fix the things we hate in canon, so i was taken aback by so many people saying they wouldn't write bi-han/reader anymore. it made me sad but luckly a lot of those people started writing again.

oof this was long. forgive any mistakes please, but i hope i answered your question properly.