#and they guy was really drunk and started playing with a chainsaw

[albonium]

i had a conversation yesterday about hpv and the gardasil vaccine with a colleague that's a couple years older than me after learning that a colleague might have cervical cancer. i told him how lucky my sister and i had been to have parents who were super open about sex education and health. some of our friends didn't have that chance, that led us to get plan b for some, get them tested for stds or even our mom driving one to the hospital for an abortion. anyway, he told me that his parents and his family never ever would have talked about it because of religion and how they think they shouldn't have these discussions. it's wild to me that people are willing to have kids but won't protect them by having a couple of uncomfortable talks with them. whatever happens kids will be kids, they'll grow and have their first experiences if you want it or not. you can just try to make it so that when the time comes they're as safe and prepared as possible. who cares if that's uncomfortable? against your values? do you think children always respect the parents' values? lol no! they'll do everything behind their backs and put themselves in even more danger. if they don't want to have talks about sex condoms stds and consent then get a younger uncle to do it or something idk. it's your duty to educate and keep your children safe.

[spacecowboy6780]

HII !!! LOVED YOUR ART ♡

do your csm ocs have lore? i'd love to read it ! (not me trying to make fanart no how would you think that nooooo of course nooooott)

HAADJKFMKLGD THANK YOUUU SO MUCH 😭😭 i dont know if i really have any good lore yet... im pretty bad at making that typa stuff i kinda just draw things lol

Orion!!

(i draw him a little differently each time dw abt it)

his pants are like- loose at the bottom so not tight fit :)) and he has like black combat boots i guess he's a whole sucker for black and white clothing hehe..

has a tongue piercing and a piercing on his right ear

he has a contract with the fox devil

likes the color white

does mma, anything to do with shooting things, and fishing

barem's right hand man (just a person to do his dirty work lol)

he's wasian, white mom (died during his birth), japanese dad (hates him for his mom's death and makes him try twice as hard because of it)

from a rich family who owns a [blank] company (i haven't decided what yet, i feel like a gun company would work but that's kinda ironic cuz yk)

he was a good child! always trying to meet his father's standards so he could do well, he wanted to be the best because he wanted his father's "love" (it wasn't really love. his father was emotionally manipulative and abusive and only gave him "love" whenever he did something in his favor or good. when he didn't he would tell him how much of a disgrace he is. only to treat him nicely again when he did something good.)

a social bird, made friend easily all throughout his school years, a popular and friendly person. he started to realize he could do whatever during his highschool years, because of his status as the sole heir to his father's company so he started to become more rebellious, going out more, skipping classes, getting drunk, but he always brought back straight A's. he became a rowdy asshole genius typa guy

closeted homo up to college years, he started really embracing his gay then. during highschool and middle school he would date women but he didn't really feel anything for them and would usually break up with them after a few months. he would make up the sweetest and most heartbreaking reasons why and they would forgive him, when in reality he really didn't care about them

his dad was suffering from heart issues as he got older, and as orion got older he grew to hate his dad, he slowly poisoned him with arsenic which led to him having a heart attack and dying!! one day he accidentally put too much arsenic into his food but he was like yknow what it's okay and then made sure to keep the maids away from his slowly decaying father, put him to bed early and tada he had a heart attack

he got away with it cause a) he’s the sole heir to the company and b) if he went to court? 💰💥💰💥💰💥

he met barem at the chainsaw church!! he was curious about it, flyers and all over town so he went to check it out. he got a tour from one of the church members before bumping into him. it was kind of a physical attraction at first, he just wanted to get into his pants. so he got a tour from barem, saying he didn't remember any of it (playing dumb blond stereotype lol). but after talking to him he was like hey wait this guy is also kind of cool and an eye opener (idk what he would've said i'll figure something out) and then he started to reeeeally take a liking to barem. he started to appear more around the chainsaw church, mostly around barem and talk to him a lot but he wouldn't join it. he didn't want to marry a woman. barem asked why he would come to the csm church if he didn't want to join it. orion was blunt and was like to see you ofc. barem was like ???.

sooner or later orion became his right hand man (i'll explain more on how later), or more of a person to just do a lot of his dirty work because he was so willing to do it. he's also willing to pay for all of barem's expenses. lol sugar daddy

ok i think im done for now but ill make like- a better doc for him i think he's like the first kind of fleshed out oc i've made in a while haha!

[ironandmagic]

The Old Pink, Buffalo NY

Just when I had begun planning a trip back to Buffalo where I had every intention of spending one more late night at The Pink, a friend sent me a post about the bar being destroyed.

I really have had a mostly fun, surreal life and The Old Pink Flamingo was an important part of it. Allentown was where the freaks and geeks and punks and drunks congregated. The neighborhood was full of great bars, and The Pink was the best.

I had a car in college, and apparently looked like I belonged there, so no one ever asked me for an ID. (The only time I got ID'd in Allentown was on NYE right before my 21st birthday. The doorman of the bar we were at laughed, handed me my ID, and let us in anyways.)

After college, I rented an apartment from a hotdog stand magnate on Franklin at Allen, just a few blocks from The Pink. There were these huge speaker cabinets in the basement of the building that allegedly were left there by the Goo Goo Dolls. My ground floor neighbor was this tough little old lady. She had been a police officer; her apartment was filled with tchotchkes and a bunch of old police equipment. I still have the baton she gave me. I had a studio apartment with something like 14-foot ceilings in the main area, and a huge window overlooking a large overgrown private garden.

The Pink was always dark and usually freezing cold. To this day, most bars I walk into are too bright and too warm for me. I must have been there two or three nights a week. Monday nights were Chicken & Porn, and it was exactly what it sounded like. The bartenders would grill a bunch of chicken and put them out in trays. There was old porn playing on the tvs, and that was the whole night. It was loads of fun.

By this time, the NYS smoking ban had been around for a few years, but that didn't apply in The Pink. It was rundown and dingy, but never came off as dirty to me. When they eventually stopped the smoking inside, the bar never smelled the same.

The Pink had the best music. There were others, but the only dj I really remember kind of looked like Black Francis. He played punk, post, goth, and darker alternative with some 60s and honky tonk here and there. The booth was tiny, there was vinyl and cds crammed in there, and this guy made it look effortless. He would rarely take requests. He actually mixed in some Rod Stewart for me one Halloween after I showed up in my best try at Rod the Mod. This was also the night there was a supposed fight between two costumed guys. One guy left and we all thought it was over until he showed back up with a chainsaw and started revving it in the bar. I think it freaked some people out for a minute until it was obvious there was no chain and it had all been a big Halloween joke.

I guess I was a regular. 4am would come, and the door men were aggressive in getting people out the door…except a small group at the far end of the bar who were allowed to stay. I don't remember staying many times, I was usually running off with friends. But I remember that I could if I wanted to, and that was nice.

One of the bartenders actually went to the same high school as I did, many years earlier. He still remembered the school motto.

Out front of The Pink is where I befriended Shoeshine Randy. Randy was likely a meth addict who lived in the area. It was never clear if he had an apartment or was jumping between shelters. Randy was ragged, but had a shine box and genuinely tried to work at night. He spit polished shoes with beat up neck ties, and he did a fine job. He was funny and though obviously troubled, was a sweet guy. I remember seeing Randy around downtown during the day. I'd get a shout and a hug. Sometimes I'd give him a quick ride across town.

There are other stories I'll keep to myself, but in closing, The Pink meant a lot me. It always lived there in my head as a beloved, perfect (to me) bar, and I guess that's where it'll stay now.

I don't know Eric Van Rysdam, he was a dj at The Pink and a friend of a friend. But on a post about his time there, he said, "It was a crazy ecosystem that accepted anyone for who they were or who they wanted to be. It was the backdrop for many decisions made by people, both good and bad. We were far from perfect but we tried….and we cared.” I think that's right.

[lovestruckay]

Request: "Hi there! Loveeee your writing for Fire Force and was wondering if you could do headcanons (SFW and NSFW if that's ok!) for Akitaru and a fem s/o for celebrating birthdays or holidays?"

Pairing: Akitaru Obi x Fem!Reader

A/N: Happy birthday, Obi! I’m a little late but I made up for it by making this 2.5k words, haha. NSFW content is below the cut, it’s mixed in throughout instead of separate! I used these HC as a way to talk about some of the days I celebrate personally from the Wheel of the Year - eight holidays that celebrate the spring equinox, the summer solstice, the autumnal equinox, the winter solstice, and the four cross-quarter days between them.

Akitaru loves the holidays. He’s the kind of person who plans celebrations a month in advance, sometimes even longer depending on what the special occasion is. He’ll put out decorations, bake pastries, cook whole meals, and even throw parties where he’ll give mushy speeches.

You think he leans into celebrating even more for the sake of the rest of Company 8. Nearly all of his companions had come from troubled backgrounds or had lost their loved ones and he was always clear that the Eighth was their family too. Akitaru is the father figure of their ragtag company and he takes that role seriously. Not just in protecting them and guiding them but in doing the little things that family did - like celebrating holidays.

So, when these special occasions roll around, you better get ready because this man is not just celebrating for the fun of it but because it’s a way to bond with you and the rest of Company 8. 

The Holy Sol Temple has generic, catch-all versions of all the seasonal holidays. With the Temple worshiping a Sun God, their holidays are centered around solar events like the solstices, the equinoxes, and the cross-quarter days between. December celebrations are all bundled up into the Winter Solstice, Ostara and Easter became the Spring Equinox, Samhain and Halloween became the Autumnal Cross-Quarter Day, and so on.

Even though these combined holidays are the most frequently celebrated, the pre-Cataclysm holidays still exist and are still celebrated. It is on a much smaller scale though so this makes celebrating these holidays a much more meaningful affair. If you celebrate a particular day, whether it’s because of tradition or your heritage or something else entirely, Akitaru is excited to learn and be a part of something so important to you.

Valentine’s Day is one of his favorite holidays because it’s a celebration he gets to spend with the woman he had fallen madly in love with - you. He likes that there’s a holiday dedicated to your love for each other and he tends to go overboard with making sure you know how much he cherishes you.

Akitaru is really cheesy about showing you how much he loves you. He always starts the day by waking up before you and sneaking into the kitchen so he can make you breakfast in bed. He’ll cook your pancakes in the shape of wobbly hearts and there will be a protein shake there with your orange juice. He has covered your entire bathroom with sticky notes, each note containing sweet messages he had written throughout the year about how much he loves you. You have a hand bound book on your shelf filled with pressed flowers and love notes that he had made for you one year.

He once hired a skywriter plane to write your initials in a heart in the sky. He loves you so much that it turns him into the corniest, sappiest man on the face of the planet.

He takes the Firefighter Calendar very seriously and he’s absolutely playful and confident enough to wear something sexy for you as a surprise. If you surprise him by wearing some revealing lingerie, he will spend the rest of the night absolutely worshiping you and showing you how beautiful you were.

Akitaru is such a big man but he can be so delicate that the tenderness he touches you with makes your breath catch. But sometimes he forgets his own strength, especially when you’re wrapped up like a present, and he tears the wrapping paper. You know better now than to expect whatever pretty lingerie you buy to survive the night.

He makes sure that you can’t get out of bed when he’s done with you and that works out great for him because, guess what - dinner in bed is on the way.

The Spring Equinox mornings are always spent outside basking in the nice weather and the warm sun as you plant new flowers in the cathedral garden. You spend the afternoon spring cleaning your home, sweeping behind all the furniture and packing up winter clothes. The afternoons are spent painting eggs and hiding little gifts of candy and sweets around the cathedral for the rest of the company to find.

Every year, the Autumnal Cross-Quarter Day (or Halloween as most call it outside the church) is a day-long affair. Mornings are spent carving Jack-o’-lanterns and baking cookies decorated with icing in the shapes of skulls, bats, and spiderwebs. During the afternoon, you’re putting out last minute decorations and filling bowls with king-sized candy bars for the trick-or-treating children that stop by the Fire Force cathedral.

Somehow, Akitaru is always able to convince everyone at the Eighth to dress up in costumes. He especially loves doing coordinated outfits with you, like Frakenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein or a werewolf and a vampire. One year, he was able to convince the entire company to dress up as zombies and you all spent the day making zombie noises at each other and giggling.

If you like getting a little scared for Halloween, he'll take you to a haunted house or a haunted trail where he will inevitably be clinging to you by the end of the experience. If you get chased by the workers wielding fake chainsaws at a trail, he will get so scared that he will literally scoop you up into his arms and run away.

If you’re more interested in staying home and spending time together, you’ll nestle up on the couch together with a bowl of candy and some of the pastries you had baked earlier and binge watch horror movies. He has absolutely no talent whatsoever for video games - you swear the man can’t even figure out how to hold the controller half the time - but he will happily cuddle you and cheer you on if you wanted to play some scary video games instead.

Once you two are alone, Akitaru can’t seem to get his hands off of you. He thinks you are so beautiful every single day but there is something so alluring to him about you dressed up. If you’re wearing one of those revealing costumes, his eyes are glued to you the entire day and, once he can finally get you away from everyone, he’s tearing it off to get to the sweets underneath.

He is very sensitive to the fact that winter holidays can be very personal to a person depending on their background. Most people in Tokyo celebrate the Winter Solstice but there are people who still celebrate the pre-Cataclysm holidays. Whichever holiday you want to observe, Akitaru wants to support you and celebrate with you.

You want to build an altar for Yuletide? He’s bringing home pretty rocks and little trinkets he found that he thought you might like to give as offerings.

You want to light a menorah for Hanukkah? He’s cleaned off a special spot in the kitchen window for the candelabrum.

You want to decorate a tree for Christmas? He’s driving around looking for a pine tree he can cut down for you.

You want to decorate the house for Kwanzaa? He’s singing with you as you both hang brightly colored kente and he’s memorized all seven core principles to talk to you about during the week.

You want to host a dinner for Las Posadas? He’s in the kitchen helping you make tamales and he even stuffed and hung two piñatas - one for the new recruits and the other for you both and the rest of the company.

When it comes to gifts, Akitaru is really good at picking out presents for you. He always listens when you talk and he makes sure to remember when you talk about things that you like. He’s the kind of guy who will buy small presents throughout the year and stow them away in the back of his closet until the winter holidays roll around.

He’s extremely easy to buy gifts for, he loves the traditional “dad” gifts. Get this man some brand new winter socks, a new jacket to replace the coat he got too muscular for, and some new underwear and he is happy. If you give him something a little more exciting in addition to his gifts, like taking off your robe to reveal you’re wrapped up in a bow, he will gladly unwrap you and give you a present of his own.

For New Years, he likes to host a little get together with Company 8 to celebrate. You all make a big dinner and maybe even get a little tipsy before going up to the roof to watch the fireworks. You sit in chairs you had set out earlier, Akitaru settling you into his warm lap instead, and watch in amazement as Company 1 puts on their yearly fireworks show in the sky over Tokyo.

When the show reaches its climax and the clock rolls over to midnight, he kisses you.

Whether you’re drunk on a little alcohol or just the excitement of the night, sex on New Years Eve is always fun. It’s so easy to be yourself and to feel beautiful with him - he is such a light hearted and openly loving man - but tipsy sex is always full of smiles and laughter interspersed with little gasps and moans. There’s no shame and it just feels good to be complete with the man you love.

On Lunar New Year, he is taking you out to shop for new clothes and he’s helping you give out cards and gifts. He makes sure to buy a bag of sweets to leave as an offering once you clean the altar at home later that day. In the evening, he’s once again in the kitchen, helping cook eight different dishes for the reunion dinner with a communal hot pot always being the centerpiece of the meal.

Akitaru loves the holidays but his favorite celebrations are the ones for you two specifically: your birthdays and your anniversary.

For his birthday, he just wants a small get together with the rest of the company and maybe a couple friends. He is still as ridiculously easy as ever to shop for, just buy him new exercise equipment and he’ll love it. He works out so much that he wears down and breaks his equipment and he’s always excited to try a new machine.

He especially loves it when you surprise him in the bedroom with something new. If you teach yourself how to deep throat his impressive size, he’ll be wrapped around your little finger for a week straight. If you give him the remote to your vibrating panties while you’re out getting dinner, he’ll break down halfway through your meal and pull you into the bathroom to make you see stars. You never need an excuse to experiment in bed but it’s always fun surprising him with something every year.

For your birthday, Akitaru will always ask you what you want instead of trying to surprise you. He doesn’t want to overwhelm you with a party if you don’t want it and he doesn’t want you to be craving more if he plans for a day at home.

If you want to go out, he'll take you to the amusement park for games and roller coasters (one of which he couldn’t even ride because the safety harness didn’t fit over his muscular body). If you like the outdoors, he’ll take you on a hike through one of the nature preserves and lead you to a picnic he prepared for you. If you like to dance, he’s taking you out and trying his best not to step on your toes.

If you want to stay in, Akitaru will buy you a copy of the newest video game you had your eye on and will order pizza so he can watch you try to beat it in one sitting. He’ll spend the morning baking and decorating a cake from scratch and it comes out incredible. He’ll give you a massage and his almost too strong grip feels so good it sends shivers up your spine.

On your birthday, he is in the palm of your hand. Whatever you want to do, anything you want to try, he is so eager to please. He’s an open-minded man and there really aren’t many things that are hard passes for him in bed. He isn’t particularly well versed in the kinky stuff so he’ll need a bit of an explanation sometimes but, once he understands what you want, he will gladly give it to you.

Without a doubt, your anniversary is Akitaru’s favorite holiday of the year. He loves that your anniversary is a celebration of your bond and a reaffirming of your love for each other. He’s honestly just as dramatic on this day as he is on Valentine’s Day - if not more so - and he will come up with the most cheesy, romantic ways of telling you he loves you.

Sticking to tradition, he took you out to a fancy dinner one year to a restaurant with a dress code and no prices on the menu. Even with the overly formal atmosphere, he was still his usual boisterous self throughout the dinner and his sunshine smile puts you at ease. The dinner was spectacular and, even if you normally hated stuffy environments like that, his happiness is contagious and you feel comfortable.

On your anniversary, he makes it his Sol given duty to fuck you until you scream when you cum. He makes it a point to give you the best orgasm of the year, making you finish over and over until your pleasure climbs to a high that has moans shamelessly spilling from your lips. You absolutely cannot walk the day after your anniversary so, every year, you take not only your anniversary off but the day following as well.

Akitaru pays such close attention to your moods and your likes and dislikes when it comes to the holidays throughout the year and tries his best to make you happy. At the end of the day, he just wants to be with you and for you to have a good time.

After all, he loves you so much he wants to spend the rest of his life making happy memories like these together.

[swcctdrms]

sentence starters based on shit my friends say and prompts based on my life scenarios !

because my irl friends are too funny and because i like to think i’m the protagonist in my own movie

SENTENCE STARTERS

“ you think i wanna be here ?  dude i’d rather deepthroat a chainsaw than sit through this useless class. ”

“ yeah, this guy in my class knows a girl that knows a dude that knows a person who has a cousin that is close to someone that can get us tickets !  ”

“ what if i drink the bong water ?  i can’t die from doing that, right? ”

“ i think the joker had his reasons and they had your name scribbled all over them. ”

“ despite him being a theater kid he, surprisingly, gets some bitches. ”

“ ( name )  tell me to kill a man for you and i will, not only because i love you but because i’m absolutely deranged and angry at everything right now. ”

“ i was sitting alone and smoking by the river when they left me, there was no music but i could definitely hear lana del rey playing in my head as my life credits rolled on a metaphorical screen. ”

“ why be upset when life is full of beautiful things like you guys and lesbian porn. ”

“ my battery is running out and so is my patience, what do you want ?  ”

“ boohoo life is unfair and your attitude is ugly, get over it !  ”

“ dude i forgot my bra and my nipples could literally cut through glass right now, can you bring me one when you get to the party ?  ”

“ i’m so bored i might fuck around and break up a happy home just for funsies. ”

“ look i may be straight, but five dollars is five dollars. ”

PROMPTS

muse a signs up for tinder and accidentally matches with muse b, at first muse a is ready to ignore them but then they begin talking and exchange phone numbers. muse a still thinks muse b is not their type, but as muse b gets flirtier muse a can’t help but feel attracted to their playful flirting style. they talk all night and find out they live close by and have similar interests, but muse b ends up ghosting muse a and they can’t help but wonder why they did it until they cross each other on the street and muse a confronts them.

muse a is smoking alone outside of a party until muse b approaches them asking for a lighter, they begin to flirt and get closer until muse b’s friends drag them inside when gasolina by daddy yankee comes on and muse a is left alone once again. they never see each other again until they go to the same party again, same sequence happening for a second time. suddenly, they enter this cycle of only seeing each other outside parties and smoking together, always interrupted when they’re about to kiss. 

muse a and muse b met online and became best friends. for a year, they talk every day and consider themselves soulmates, making plans to meet up and send each other gifts. for no reason, muse b starts getting dryer and less responsive, which prompts muse a to get sad. since muse a is scared of losing muse b they decide to keep it to themselves, but it ends up getting to the point where it’s unbearable. muse a drunk texts muse b and writes them a poem saying how much they miss them, but muse b ghosts them.

muse a faints during a concert and is pulled away from the crowd. they wake up in a gurney next to muse b, who is concussed after a moshpit, and goddamn are they hot. they’re both very loopy and begin to talk nonsense.

muse b replies to muse a’s instagram story asking if anyone wants to go with them to the movies. they make plans and decide to meet up that same day at the mall so they can watch something together, but muse b never shows up. muse a walks home and it begins to pour, leading to many unlucky events, one of them being finding muse b at a park with someone else.

muse a is having a anxiety attack alone in the bathroom until muse b, the person muse a has always thought to be really cool and that they wanted to befriend, shows up and tries to calm them down. they hug muse a and wipe their tears, talking them out of their frantic stage and beginning a beautiful friendship.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 5 “Drunken Fart Contest” [Episode List] After one of their usual nights out with their friends, Dave and another bud, Adam, end up being really drunk. Luckily, it was Tim’s turn to be the designated driver, so he’s perfectly able to drive. The two drunk friends, however, are really, really gassy…

Drunken Fart Contest

2:00 a.m. The party was getting out of control, as predicted. Almost everyone was completely drunk or confused. I heard some plates breaking in the kitchen: good thing this is not my house. Whose birthday was again? The music is still loud, playing through some speakers carefully placed in strategic locations of the room as some dizzy guests danced –or, more precisely, staggered to the rhythm of it.

Whatever was going to happen next, I didn’t really care: it was my turn to drive, so I was literally the only sane guy at the party. My pals asked me to take them out of there around 1:30 a.m., but since we were having fun, we lost the track of time. I eventually found both Dave -you know him, and Adam, another friend of mine, around my age as well. They probably had alcohol instead of blood in their veins by far.

“You’re such a cock-blocker!” Adam hissed at me, since I –according to him- ruined every chance with a girl he was hitting on. Too bad this girl passed out 15 minutes ago and my tipsy friend didn’t seem to notice at all. Oh well, it’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.

Dave was definitely more collaborative: he had this silly smile drawn on his face, probably because he made out with some hot girl in the other room. His sweat-soaked shirt was partly unbuttoned too, so maybe he was heading second base without even noticing.

“Ok guys, here we go…”

We eventually reached my car, parked just outside the loud house. Some fellow guests were lying on the grass in the front-yard, either laughing or smoking: they were fine, some of them even said ‘hi’ to me as I walked past them. I opened the rear door of the car on and forced Adam to go inside, who muttered something about how I ruined everything with the woman of his dreams. He then tripped and fell in the car, lying on his stomach, looking more like a corpse.

“He’s dead…” Dave simply commented. Not very helpful.

Adam’s place was our first stop. Our houses weren’t really far away from each other, but I tend to drive slowly, especially during weekend nights, for obvious reasons. Adam, still lying on his belly, probably passed out. I checked on him via the rear-view mirror, unwillingly triggering my gay senses: all I could see was his grey skinny jeans sagging, exposing his black underwear, the latter hugging his surprisingly bubbly butt.

I ignored that vision and turned to Dave, my co-pilot and the guy in charge for the music. He was fine, better than my other friend, that’s for sure. We chatted a bit, as he noticed that I was tired, keeping me focused on the street. After a while, however, he chuckled and lowered the volume of the radio, almost setting it to mute.

“I think you’ll like this song more, listen…” he said, with his well-known smirk.

I knew what was going to happen. I was actually surprised that it was only happening now, considering that alcohol always made Dave really gassy. He spread his legs a bit, visibly pushing one out and glanced at me one last time before the “thunder” almost made me swerve.

The sound was loud, even though it was partially muffled by the (lucky) car seat. It was very dry-sounding and manly, almost like a long, enormous morning fart.

“Aw… come on…” Adam muttered, as Dave’s flatulence literally woke him up.

My gassy friend laughed as he leaned a bit. He was basically indirectly farting in my face, not even caring about the presence of our friend. I had to keep my eyes on the road, trying not to admire my friend’s denim-covered ass. The fart lasted around 14 seconds, one of his longest blasts I believe. It was followed by his friendly laughter as he gently patted my shoulder, as if he every time wanted to make sure that he was ok with me, my weird fetish and that I had nothing to worry about; and I always appreciate his gentle mannerisms, despite the rudeness of his manly rips.

The smell hit us all soon, especially because the windows were locked. Bad choice. It was already too disgusting even for me, a nose-killing stench mixed with the already awful aroma from our sweat-soaked shirts.

“You’re disgusting, Dave!” my other friend said from the back seat, trying not to laugh.

“Thanks, Ady! Glad you appreciated!”

Dave leaned a bit again and ripped another loud toot, lasting only a couple of seconds this time. Truly a proud farter, indeed. Adam clapped his hands sarcastically, laughing a bit.

“Sure… really impressive…” he said, still lying on his stomach.

A moment silence, then another fart begun, but it was not from Dave. Maybe it was the dizziness, the alcohol, but Adam started to rip one too. I checked again on him via the rear-mirror and I could see his bubbly butt erupting this extremely loud, high-pitched fart. It started kinda weak, only to become louder and manlier as seconds passed. Dave laughed, knowing that I was living both in a nightmare and in a beautiful dream at the same time, visibly amused by my weird situation. As the blast continued, Adam slowly wiggled his butt left and right, the tone of the fart changing a bit; he laughed as his 12-seconds rip started to fade into silence.

Now it was Dave the one clapping his hands. “Bravo!” he commented, as we all bursted into laughter. I didn’t know if it was because of my boner or the farts, but the car’s temperature seemed to raise a lot so I had no choice but to lower the car windows, also because the smell was getting too unbearable (yes, even for me). I felt the colder wind from outside brushing through my hair, my nostrils still sensing Dave and Adam’s farts.

Seconds passed, but the smell was, strangely enough, still there, all around my face. As I heard my friends’ laughing almost to tears, I understood why; I couldn’t hear it at first because of the sounds of the traffic, but they both started ripping one big fart at the same time the moment I rolled down the window; once I noticed it, I heard the sound too: it was insane, out of this world; two giant farts being ripped at unison. Dave pointed his index finger up as the farts continued, as if he was some kind of orchestra leader, and looked at me with a smirk, knowing that I was enjoying every moment of that gassy jam session.

I didn’t even know how much time passed this time, maybe 20 seconds. They laughed again, finally ending their unusual fart concert and complimented each other. I wish the trip lasted longer. I was ridiculously aroused. Was this a fart-contest? Because I’m pretty sure they’re both won.

Eventually, we arrived to Adam’s place; he was feeling better as he got up on his own, adjusted his hair a bit and patted his hands on our shoulders. “Thanks for the lift, cock-blocker!” he said, punching my shoulder in a friendly manner.

We made sure he got into his house safely and then headed to Dave’s. Only a couple of minutes later, I parked in front of his garage, both listening to some more music from the radio before ending the night-out. We kept chatting about the party, the host’s poor taste in music, but it was getting really late and the we didn’t want to wake up the entire neighbourhood.

“Alright, Tim. See ya tomorrow I guess…”

We bro-fisted, more than aware of how cheesy that was, and he opened the door.

“Oh, by the way…” again that smirk. “I am the fart master…”

He got out of the vehicle and closed the door behind him. Dave then squeezed his butt in loose jeans, almost sagging, through the car window a bit, and proceeded to rip yet another loud fart, this time just for me. I didn’t even time to react as I felt the warm gas engulfing the entire car, the smell becoming once again unbearable; it sounded like a loud chainsaw and lasted about 8 seconds.

My friend was just as surprised as me by the blast’s loudness and quickly got his butt out of my car, as some of the neighbours’ dogs started barking, hilariously annoyed by Dave’s fart.

“Oh my…” we both muttered, laughing.

I immediately started the car as my gassy friend rushed inside the house (this time he didn’t forget his house-keys). As I drove back to my house, I couldn’t help but smile the whole time: my best friends are gassy idiots; and that’s perfect. But Dave… well, he’s the best of all, farts or not. Whether the case, I really should plan a road-trip with him some day. And just thinking about that made my dick aroused again…

End of Episode 5

[darkmulti]

Park Chanyeol

Yandere Profile

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Paring: Yandere!Chanyeol x Female!Reader

Requested but ask got deleted

A/N: I’m back<3 thank you for being patient with me!

~ NSFW ~

Consider these as your warnings. If they trigger you, then don’t read this. If you attack me about it, remember that yandere means someone who exhibits a violent nature to get someone they love or to show their love. It’s all fictional and for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy~

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Obsession

Stalker

Monopoly

Domestic Violence

Restraints

Removal

Violence 5/10

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

How you met Chanyeol and how he got you:

He’s a family friend

Your parents were really good friends with his parents

You guys are sorta forced to hang out

Luckily, over the past few years you both started getting comfortable around each other

He was like a brother to you

Unfortunately, Chanyeol caught feelings for you

As you got older you noticed some red flags

Whenever he came over he would ask about your dating life

When you told him that you had crush

He freaked

“Give me your phone! He’s not good for you!”

“But you don’t even know him!”

“I do know him. He uses people for sex. Sorry, princess, but I’m just looking out for you.”

He’s gotten away with this excuse many times

You believe that he was just looking out for you

He was very overprotective

When you went out at night, he would follow you

One time you were at a bar, dancing with some strangers

You were having so much fun until Chanyeol grabbed your wrist and took you home

“Heyyyy! I was having fun, you know. Why did you do that?”

“It’s not fun when someone takes advantage of your drunk state.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“That’s what you always say. What if something happened to you? How would you defend yourself? Some random guys are touching you and sexualizing you. Do you enjoy that?”

“... no.”

“Exactly.”

Chanyeol gained more control over you after this night

You really though he was just a caring older bro

Everything was going good until your parents passed away in a car accident

You were obviously devastated by the sudden lost

Both of your parents gone from your life in a blink of an eye

Chanyeol didn’t want you to stay home alone because he was afraid you might do something stupid

So he begged you to move in with him

He helped you with the funeral and he helped you move

Chanyeol lent you his shoulder to cry on

One day, you came home from school, so overwhelmed

You sat down on the couch and started to cry

Chanyeol was quick to come and comfort you

He placed you on his lap while you cried on his shoulder

He rubbed you back before cupping your cheeks and doing the unexpected

He kissed you

You slightly pushed him off and got up

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see you in that way.”

“Well, that’s too bad. You don’t have a choice.”

“What?”

He got up and cornered you

“Don’t make this any harder, kitten.”

He put a cloth against your nose and you passed out

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

His Behaviour:

Restraints

Chanyeol literally cuffs you to himself

So you can never leave him

One time you planned to escape

But when he caught you

Oh god-

He chained you to a chair

And brought out a chainsaw

“You disobey me one more time, I’ll cut your arms and legs off.”

He wasn’t joking

You started crying in the chair

You begged him not to harm you

He didn’t do it

Chanyeol was only trying to scare you

He was trying to make it seem like he’s not joking and you believed it

I mean, man brought a fucking chainsaw, what more do you want?

Chanyeol was obsessed with you

There was never a day where he wasn’t clinging onto you

He wanted to know everything about your crushes

Went through all your social media

Wanted to know every little detail about you

When did you first get your period?

What was your favourite show when you were four?

Are you still a virgin?

Have you ever gotten drunk?

It was annoying and creepy

You got so bored with him, you tired just about everything to get away

You can’t go out in the backyard either

He wants you to stay in the house

If you leave to go to the backyard, he’ll put you in a cage (literally)

Chanyeol was the one who caused your parents death

He screwed around with the breaks and that’s how your parents lost their lives

He was on a mission to kill everyone who may know you

Like your friends

Your crushes

He deleted all your social media

And wanted to move out of the city

He bought a house by the lake

It was secluded so he let you go outside, under supervision of course

The lake definitely brought you two closer

Going swimming and canoeing with him

You have to admit it is a lot of fun

As long as Chanyeol keeps all his horrific secrets safe

There is really nothing to worry about

Eventually he’ll get married to you

And you’ll have to have his kids

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

His Punishment:

Chanyeol is easy to anger

Especially when you say no to him

He will slap you across the face

Spit on you

Choke you

Degrade you

Until you’re in tears

When he’s angry, man becomes a whole new person

He will no longer care if it’s hurting

He will do whatever he wants and he excepts you to take it well

Size kink obviously

Usually fucks you against the wall

Wants you to look at him while his cock is deep in your cunt

Sucks on your jaw

Man growls

Breath play

When you give Chanyeol blowjobs, he plugs your nose and makes you choke around him

It feels good to him

Please pay attention to this man’s tip

He wants you to suck his tip for hours

He does not care if your jaw hurts

He’ll tie you up and make you suck in for hours

He slap you if you start lacking

Licks the tears off your face

Anal fingering

Eventually anal

He’ll be fucking your pussy but his long as fingers are in your ass as well

Biting kink

Some reason, Chanyeol likes seeing bite marks on your skin

Idk, it’s his inner vampire

Spanking with his big ass hand

Yes!

And boy is so strong

Spanking hurts with him

Hair pulling when he’s taking you from behind

He’ll grab your jaw from behind and spit into your mouth

Deepthroat + deep thrust

Flogging

Please, him hitting your tits with a stick

Nipple clips plus vibrators

And blindfold

Probably will put an ice cube in your pussy then fuck you afterwards

Aftercare with Chanyeol is not the best

He’ll carry you back to the room cause punishments usually take place in the basement

But the next morning, you have to take care of yourself and him

He’ll help you

But Chanyeol will not baby you

He’s baby

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES! IT’S NOT EDITED!

Yandere Profile Requests List:

- Taemin

- Ten

- Hendery

- Han Jisung

- Namjoon

- Kai

- Yoongi

- Baekhyun

[flutter2deceive]

Inspired by @everybodyknows-everybodydies recent ER dream posts, I figured I'd share some of my ER dreams from the past year. I text myself whatever i remember after waking up from interesting dreams so that's the grammatically incorrect format they're in lol

buffy out on the streets moving vans with her strength, timothy olyphant is a vampire and he and his vamp buddies need romano to inject blood back into his circulatory system so he can go out in daylight again, they're taunting him like "come on didn't buffy train with you for a week to be a surgeon before giving up?", idk

The coolest stop motion video ever of this ER drawing turned into a storyline, mark leaves i guess jennifer and is running down the hallway to someone and i'm curious to see if it will be susan or elizabeth, it's elizabeth but then the pov switches to susan and she continues running down the hall to the trauma coming in and she high-fives abby and it's like the main point of contact for all the friendly characters when they do something cool is to high-five, watching this whole thing run thru and have the absolute biggest look of gleeful wonder on my face, i say some very nice words and hope they make it to whoever the author/vid marker are

In a steam engine room like that titanic ep of newsradio, there were also demons, so hell??, then there was a thing about carter being gay and in love with his best friend but then he called me lisa (which is my name) but i took that to mean that it was actually dave and it was a whole thing about maura tierney's fake ex-boyfriends?, and carter was out in my parents' front yard confessing his love but he accidentally stepped in the path of a chainsaw and the top of his toe got chopped off so then he was in a wheelchair

Kerry and elizabeth talking about sandy and mark and how they dread talking to henry and ella about them without breaking down, but it's also like they're still there, and then it's kerry and mark having the same convo but it's mark talking about his dad, they're in the hospital bathroom, a scene where sandy is temping in a library at the hospital and arizona robbins also working there and the implication is that they used to date, arizona comes up to sandy's table and notices that she seems to be doing wedding planning meanwhile kerry is sitting by herself at another table, arizona is judgy about what appears to be sandy chasing a girl who's in the closet and ashamed, sandy explains that kerry doesn't know and it's a surprise which is why she has the flashmob people standing 2 deep around kerry's table so she doesn't see the minister bringing the shrubbery in (this never happens in the dream but also what?? lol), then kerry has a successful hip replacement surgery that luka performed and mark is telling everyone about it, susan and abby were just starting to feel out a relationship and were making out in the bathroom

The er hospital but housed in an amalgam of my workplace and childhood church, i guess i'm like an orderly?, corday is pregnant and examining a patient and she's like ready-to-pop pregnant but she's still insistent that she's good to work until she's 8cm dilated and she's only 6 right now, we're all like dude go up to ob now, she's doing like yoga stretches on the floor to alleviate pain but still insists she's fine, meanwhile her patient is like ???, her water breaks and romano is gonna take her up to surgery, there's a space issue at the elevators and only he can fit, me and the other orderly say we'll take her up on the gurney in the other bank of elevators, we go flying down the hall and yelling for people to move cuz mrs corday's-- "sorry, dr. corday's"-- water broke, we get stopped by a security guard who won't let us through and then stopped again cuz there's construction in the warehouse, somehow romano manages to get lizzie but me and the other orderly are locked out, go to a bar downstairs to wait and nick kroll is there and he alerts everyone at the bar to the fact that he found several fan art/fic hits for "nick kroll/luka kovac" on the company's subreddit, he seems oddly intrigued, how weird of a pairing

In the future, there are no doctors because they're all burnt out from covid so healthcare in the future is just holograms of scenes from er but they're not the medical scenes they're the relationship drama stuff, alex kingston is named ceo of brain things due to her time on both er and doctor who, an interviewer asks what her favorite katy perry song is and romano answers for her, then maura tierney kicks everyone's ass at a banquet

The specifics elude me but somehow abby made it so that neela's memories of gallant's death are erased, and he's not exactly alive but also not dead, maybe she went back in time and changed something or had magic?, but neela is now texting with michael who is actually abby with his phone pretending to be him, abby is feeling really guilty for playing around with life and death and neela's feelings when she didn't have a gameplan, she ends up telling weaver she did something extremely morally questionable, now the two of them have to think thru how to handle the situation, neela is concerned now cuz michael texted that he'd talk with her at 23:00 but he hasn't called yet, then there's this really annoying intern that's pissing all the docs off, weaver starts to say something and ppl think she's gonna tell this woman off but she's like "this is an intern that's working here? She should be the hospital's lawyer", and then abby and susan smirk at each other and put on a tie? Idk but i think it's a different reality than the gallant-still-alive one

On a road trip or something and get back to abby's apartment, i may be susan but also possibly just me, we get the luggage from the car and while abby is trying to find her keys to unlock the door, we hear a noise from down the alley, the blonde woman that luka had been flirting with is near the luggage and is drunk or high, we wrestle with our conscience on whether to help her, she ends up asking to crash on the couch, abby and i get her inside and on the couch, we then end up sharing the bed and giggling

Caring for romano while he was in the hospital, mei lin from top chef is a med student and robert keeps insulting her, i think i might be corday, order a butterfinger and bottle of water from the hospital convenience store, go back to robert's room, he's muttering about the salad they brought him, i ask if he wants me to tell the nurse that he wants them to leave the salad for when he wakes from his nap, he squints up at me and smiles, says that his coping mechanism for stress is egg salad, idk

Living an ep of ER, i am susan, walking to my car alongside elizabeth, we're kinda tensely discussing when the kids will be at each of our houses for the holidays, i say let's just fuck it and join our celebrations, it's like a thing as if mark actually used to be married to susan and had a kid, don't know if it was supposed to be little suzie or rachel, elizabeth smiles unexpectedly and my heart kicks up, get in our cars and drive off, i am fumbling with a cigarette and the lighter from the car, drop them both as i'm driving down the hill out of the hospital parking lot, but now i am abby and have the season 9 hair, keep talking about this guy coworker i'm secretly seeing but it's actually susan and i'm trying to throw people off the scent, and there's something also about trixie and katya in this part of the dream but i don't remember specifically what, maybe guest star patients?

[yehet-me-up]

Brought To Light

Pairing: Mark Tuan x reader 

Genre: Friends to lovers, fluff

Rating: (PG13) 

Word count: 3,177 

Summary: On a friends weekend to an AirBnB in the woods for a scary movie marathon you end up getting much, much closer to your best friend than you thought possible. 

You stare up at the part-creepy part-charming AirBnB in front of you. ‘This is a terrible idea, Mark.’

Your best friend slings an arm over your shoulder and grins at the ancient Victorian mansion with pride. ‘No way. This is going to be perfect.’

As if it can sense your unease the wind kicks up, swirling the late Autumn leaves around your ankles. ‘We’re all going to die, guaranteed.’

Mark strides forward and you wrap your arms around yourself in the chill. Lifting a brick on the railing he finds a key. ‘You’ll see,’ he says with a grin.

The sound of car doors slamming makes you turn. ‘Hell yes! This is awesome,’ Jackson yells, stoked as always.

You sigh and hitch your duffle bag over your shoulder and follow Mark up the creaking steps. The rest of the group files in around you. When he first proposed the idea of a weekend getaway to binge spooky movies and party in the woods, you were, admittedly, drunk. It sounded like a fantastic idea. Mostly because you’ve been in love with him since, oh, forever.

But now that you’re here, you can feel the distance. To the left is the long, tree-covered lane that lead you to this old house. To the right is a private beach. Even if it wasn’t October it wouldn’t be an appealing place to swim. It’s all jagged rocks and aggressive waves.

‘Fantastic,’ you say to yourself.

Things go surprisingly fine for most of the evening, despite being inside what feels like Amityville Horror house. You all pick rooms. Jackson and Bambam draw the shortest straws and have to share. Fortunately, or unfortunately given your enormous crush on your best friend, the two of you end up in side-by-side rooms in the attic with a bathroom in between.

The owners really did a wonderful job updating the house to rent it out. Enormous flat screen TV, comfortable couches, huge kitchen, modern appliances, and nice decor. From the inside it doesn’t scream ‘you’re going to be woken up by someone with a chainsaw.’

You all make pizzas and settle in for Paranormal Activity. Bambam sprawls out on one of the beanbag chairs on the floor, followed by Yugyeom on the other. While they’re arguing JB claims the plush recliner on the far side of the room by the windows. Jackson lays across the entire sofa with a wink and Youngjae shoves him off, screaming dramatically. Jinyoung rolls his eyes and sits on one end, calmly eating his pizza while the chaos unfolds.

Mark shakes his head and laughs, leaning against the wall that divides the kitchen from the living room. He catches your eyes and shrugs in amusement. A lock of his hair falls across his forehead and you wish you could reach across the room and brush it out of the way. It would be harmless, you think, to make him sit next to you on the couch. You’re always together, anyway. And he’s a huge scaredy cat, so he always clings to you during horror movies.

But just as you’re sitting on the far end, Jackson and Youngjae resolve their fight and sit down next to you. You sigh, watching Mark move to the only open space between Jackson and Jinyoung. He gives you a look and pouts. You might be imagining it, but you would swear that he’s sad about it too, and not in a teasing way.

He chooses the movie and you shove a slice into your mouth to take a big bite. Of course he’s sad. You’re his best friend, that’s all. It doesn’t mean anything.

The sun sets somewhere between Get Out and A Quiet Place. 

The massive bags of popcorn are made and consumed. Youngjae’s stash of Junior Mints is discovered and he reluctantly shares with the rest of the group. He sprawls out on the thick ivory carpet after, hugging a pillow to his chest and complaining of a stomach ache.

JB falls asleep and doesn’t wake up even when Jackson screams his head off when the first monster appears to threaten John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. He jumps on top of Bambam, clinging to him and nearly popping the beanbag chair. 

You look across the now empty expanse of couch between you and Mark at the exact same moment he does. You definitely don’t miss the interest in his look this time and awkwardly push your hair behind your ear, turning away so he won’t see your blush.

Before you can think about moving closer to him or somehowkindofmaybe asking if he wants to move next to you, he takes care of that for you. He cradles the large bowl of popcorn in one arm and slides stealthily into the spot Youngjae had occupied. He gives you a small shy smile in the flickering light from the TV.

You should look away. You should break eye contact, immediately. You should stop having ridiculous thoughts about closing the distance and kissing him. But you don't, and Mark doesn't either. Heat blooms in your chest and you bite your lip to stop from giving him a giddy look.

Luckily, Yugyeom's stomach growls loudly and everyone pauses the movie and starts making their way into the kitchen to pull out the beers and packs of sushi you got from the store and piled into the fridge. Mark laughs quietly to himself and stands up. As always, he holds out a hand to help you up. His fingers normally slip from yours as soon as you're on your feet. Normally, he'd release you and step back before following the group.

Outside the wind picks up, slapping branches from the enormous trees on the back yard against the floor to ceiling windows. The rain starts a moment later, loud and demanding, but still you don't look away from the emotion in Mark's eyes that you can't read. Or maybe you’re just too afraid to let yourself consider what it might mean.

You want to blame it on the house, or on the horror movies, or on the playful atmosphere of the night. But there's no way you can reconcile your sarcastic best friend with the man who keeps you close, who looks down at your lips for a fraction of a second. It's disconcerting in the way seeing a shooting star is thrilling - an unexpected event that knocks you off your center and makes you believe in miracles.

He holds you to him in the empty room for a beat before turning and guiding you into the kitchen. It's only when the two of you round the corner that he removes his hand from yours. You excuse yourself to the bathroom while the guys divvy up the chopsticks and argue about who gets the sashimi.

You can still feel Mark's eyes on you as you shut the door. Leaning forward, you rest your hands on the vanity and groan at your reflection. Not only is your blush incredibly obvious but there's a piece of popcorn in your hair from when Bambam started trying to see how many he could throw onto JB before he woke up. The answer was 27.

With shaking hands you fix your hair and smooth a finger under your eyes to remove any mascara that's strayed over the course of the long day. You straighten your shirt and blow out a big breath, laughing to yourself quietly. You wonder when you started to be so affected by him.

Always, if you're being honest. 

Since the first time you met in ninth grade Biology, you've been friends. Just friends, unfortunately. He never saw you as anything other than a buddy. Someone to play Super Smash Bros with and go to late night Marvel movies and study for exams over bowls of his dad's famous kimchi stew. Your friend groups merged and became a Frankengroup of ten, including Amelia and Bree who had a concert downtown they couldn't miss tonight.

You've always been... just friends. Even in college when you were in Seattle and he stayed in LA, you kept in touch. You'd always thought that the feelings were one-sided and that was that. You've dated and had a boyfriend for the first year after you moved back to California. It wasn't like you were waiting for him or anything, but the question of 'what if?' has always lingered in the back of your mind.

And now he's looking at you like he wants more. You wet your hands and press them to your feverish neck and tell yourself you're imagining things. 

'Don't read into this,' you whisper to yourself sternly in the mirror.

By the time you emerge they've all re-settled on the couches. Mark is where he was when you all got up, guarding an empty spot on the end of the couch next to him. He raises a brow when he sees you hesitate and looks to the spot before looking back at you, as if to dare you to try and sit somewhere else and avoid him.

JB and Jinyoung are debating between Hush and Midsommar and you weave your way around everyone on the floor and sit defiantly next to Mark. He grins, smug, and hands you a plate and some chopsticks. Eventually they settle on Hush and start the next movie.

When you're both finished he gathers your plates and sets them on the floor, safely out of reach of Youngjae's screaming and flailing limbs. Then, as though it were the most natural thing in the world, he puts an arm around your shoulders. You blink, determined to keep your eyes on the screen. It's too much for your imagination to handle in the moment and you freeze.

'Are you okay? he whispers against your ear in a low voice. 'Is this alright?'

You shake yourself and tell yourself to just enjoy whatever touchy mood has come over him. Why not store up moments like these to remember later on when you're back to being just friends? You nod and follow his lead, tucking your legs up on the couch next to you and leaning more firmly against him. He sighs and relaxes, his arm sliding down to rest gently on your waist.

It's after ten when the credits roll and your eyes are definitely starting to droop from sleepiness. Given the loud snoring from the opposite end of the couch you gather that this time Jinyoung is the one who's fallen asleep. Jackson and Bambam fight over the remote and you groan at the noise, burrowing farther into Mark's chest. You'd swear his hand runs along your hair, but before you have time to examine it further the lights in the house abruptly go out.

The kitchen goes dark along with the lights on the porch and the TV displaying the Netflix menu.

'Oh my god, we're going to die!' Youngjae screams loudly.

‘Calm down,’ JB sighs.

There's a lot of scuffling and groans as people bump into each other before JB finally locates his phone and turns on the flashlight. It swings towards Yugyeom, Youngjae, and Jackson tangled on the floor, over to Jinyoung who lifts a hand against the light, to Bambam who is somehow clutching an umbrella by the door and looking ready to attack.

When JB stands the light flashes across you and Mark and suddenly you’re wide awake. You press your hand to his thigh for balance and try to stand before the guys can see how close the two of you got during the movie. You end up tumbling to the floor. Thankfully the beanbag Bambam vacated softens your fall and you press your hand to your chest and laugh.

More of the guys locate their phones and turn on the flashlights. JB wipes a tired hand down his face and mumbles about looking for the breaker box. Yugyeom and Bambam hold onto each other as though they expect an axe murder to leap out. They scramble after Jinyoung when he says he’s going to check as well.

Youngjae and Jackson sit on the floor with their backs to the couch. ‘We’ll stay here, you know, just in case it comes back on,’ Jackson says with a nervous smile.

You roll your eyes and reach for Mark’s hand, not letting yourself think twice about it. ‘We’re going to go look for some candles.’

He twines his fingers with yours, grasping so his warm palm presses firmly. You hear Yugyeom whining from the attached garage and shake your head.

‘I think he might die of fright before anything else,’ Mark laughs. His voice is close behind you as you feel your way up the stairs in the dim light from his phone.

‘I know, right?’

It feels good to laugh with him. This, at least, is familiar ground. Whatever you were hoping to figure out up here away from the group - that is far less easy to handle.

You find some candles easily on the ledges of the oversized tub in the bathroom you share with Mark. Thankfully, you’d remembered correctly seeing some when unpacking your toiletries. Otherwise he might think you just wanted to get him alone. That would be crazy, right?

A lighter sits on the floating shelves above the toilet and you carefully arrange the candles on the sink and light them. With one hand. Since for some reason the two of you can’t stop touching each other.

When a warm glow fills the space he turns off the light on his phone and slides it into his back pocket. Even the distant noise from your friends isn’t enough to disturb the quiet at the top of the house. He stands close enough that you can feel his breath against your face.

Distracted by the way the candlelight plays with his deep brown irises you forget to feel nervous. It’s almost as if the two of you have always been like this. He always holds your hand. The two of you have always been together, unable to stop looking at each other like your eyes hold the answer to a thousand questions. When he kisses you your eyes always flutter close as you wait for his lips on yours.

Wait - his lips? You open your eyes just as his mouth grazes yours. He pulls back at your surprise.

‘Shit, sorry, I -’ he runs his free hand through his hair and huffs out a laugh. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking.’

You recognize the uncertainty and fierce delight in his eyes because they mirror the feelings in your heart. ‘No, don’t. It’s fine, really.’ Even though your voice is high with nerves your words are steady and sure.

Tightening your grip you lean forward and briefly press your lips to his. It’s not a proper kiss, not by far, but it’s an invitation. You stand strong, composed of reckless hope and a wanting for him that feels explosive in your chest. He pauses, adorably confused.

His brows come together and he presses his lips together in an endearing smile. ‘Do you… want me to kiss you? We’re - I mean - ‘ he laughs. ‘We’re best friends, I don’t want to ruin anything.’

You come closer, fitting your body against his. With your free hand you feel his heartbeat, pressing your palm to his clothed chest. The rhythm is frantic beneath your fingers and you clench the fabric in your fist. He wants you, just as much as you’ve always wanted him.

‘I’m sorry,’ you tease, swallowing a grin. ‘Were you not clear about what I just did? Should I do it again?’

Relief washes over him, turning the vulnerability in his eyes into something much warmer and more determined. ‘I think you should. You know, just for science.’

You laugh, tipping your head back. When you look back to him his arm goes around your waist, holding you close against him. He drops his head and seals his mouth over yours. Though you both tease each other normally, the kiss between you is soft and new.

Someday you might grip his hair and push him against the sink to taste his neck. But for now the two of you stand, holding each other in the middle of the candlelit bathroom. Your clasped hands are trapped between your chests and you know he feels your heart racing for him as well.

The triumphant yelling that comes thundering up the stairs along with the sound of hurried feet lets you know something has changed. It reaches your kiss-drunk mind slowly, as though you were underwater. It would be fair to say you’re drowning in the sensation of Mark’s tongue along yours and honestly you can’t be bothered by the outside world.

But then - 

‘OH SHIT, WHAT?!’ 

‘No friggin’ way!’ 

Someone wolf whistles and you would bet it was Bambam.

You pull back, blinking in the overhead lights, to see the collected group of guys hilariously crammed into the small landing at the top of the stairs. They all gape at you and Mark. His arm around your waist, your hand fisted in his shirt that’s now tugged almost clear off one shoulder. Your hands and his lips red from kissing and oh god.

Mark looks as alarmed as you feel at having your entire friend group know how you feel about him. And before you’d even talked about anything or decided on what the hell this means. You start to panic He doesn’t look at your friends. Instead, Mark lifts the hand around your waist and tucks your hair behind your ear, smiling slightly.

‘I thought you’d never do it. Good job.’ This from JB who calmly leans against the wall, smothering a yawn.

‘What’s he talking about?’ Youngjae asks.

JB starts to answer, a smug twist to his lips. But Mark cuts him off. ‘I finally shot my shot.’

‘Took you long enough,’ Jackson says with a laugh. 

Bambam throws up his hands. ‘God, I swear this took five years off my life, I need snacks. Let’s leave them alone guys.’

He heads off down the stairs and one by one the rest of the guys go after him until you and Mark are alone once more. In the stark light overhead you wonder if this is all some horrible prank.

‘By shooting your shot you mean… you like me too?’

Mark bends against, holding you close and kissing you firmly on the lips. ‘Yes, I do. Have for a long ass time,’ he says against your mouth.

‘But I’ve liked you forever, too.’

He releases your hand to grip your hips. You react on instinct, throwing your arms around his neck. Your face goes into the warmth of his neck and you can’t help but grin.

‘That is excellent news,’ he says. You can feel the ghost of his smile against the skin of your shoulder. ‘Because I’d prefer it if my girlfriend was into me.’ 

You snort and bite a his neck gently. ‘God I can’t believe my boyfriend is such a dork.’

[jamielea81]

Just a Simple Lie

Chapter 5

Description: Having worked on small independent films for the better part of a decade, your friend tells you about an opening for a script supervisor with a large studio. Wanting to advance your career, you apply and get an interview. The only downside, they prefer to hire crew who are married. It’s just a simple lie, right?

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Maybe some cursing, talk of drinking

A/N:  Surprise! Coming back a day earlier than planned. This fic is simply for fun. I know nothing about the personal lives of the two actors in this series and mean no harm. I am also totally guessing regarding the studio talk. Comments, reblogs, and likes are always welcome.

Catch up with Chapter 4

**

Oh boy were you hungover. After you finished that fifth beer, David brought you back to your hotel where you promptly passed out on your bed, makeup and all. The fact that you were so drunk, kind of helped you with the embarrassment of the slipped comment about your lack of a sex life. From what you remembered, it seemed like your quick reply had done the trick. At least you hoped it had. You remembered Monica chucking a pillow at you at some point in the middle of the night. She mumbled something about you snoring like a chainsaw. You were drunk and it could not be helped. There would be no more drinking for you.

Call time to set was three in the afternoon and you took advantage of the precious hours by sleeping until noon. After a shower and all-day breakfast from McDonald's, you felt human again.

Outdoor shooting would start tonight once it got dark, which this time of year meant another hour or two at the most.

**

You made your way to the studio via the studio shuttle. It was empty this time of day which you appreciated. You dressed in a sweater, jeans, and jacket. You had on a pair of winter boots, but brought a bag that held your trusty sneakers to wear when inside.

The one thing you weren’t a fan of with the new office set up was the lack of an enclosed room. The volume in the building was loud. Not school gymnasium loud, but loud enough for that you were finding it hard to concentrate. Everyone was excited. New location, outdoor shoots, whatever it was, no one wanted to be quiet about it. Even though the sleeping in and shower helped, you were still a tad hungover so you just wanted everyone to either move to a new location or go to their cubical and shut up. That wasn’t happening.

Monica came barging into your cube about an hour later. Okay, she didn’t barge in, technically. There’s no door. Kind of hard not to barge in.

“Can you believe this place? I’m going to hit my ten thousand steps within three hours each day. Way bigger than Cali,” she said taking a seat on the edge of the desk.

She was right of course. It was a series of massive warehouses where they shot a lot of action-packed movies and television shows. Those films often required a lot of space with massive sets. This movie wasn’t that and your team would not need all of the space, but it didn’t mean you didn’t have to trudge your way from one warehouse to another.

“You need better shoes,” you said motioning your hand to her pointy slip-ons. While they were cute, you would be crying at the end of the day wearing those. “Those aren’t going to work with this place. Unless of course, you hide out in your cubical all day.” A small smile peeked out from behind your lips.

“I would normally agree with you, but if I have to wear boots whenever we are outside, I’m wearing my cute shoes where I can,” Monica said, sending a wink your way.

**

The sun had set and you found yourself back on the shuttle with Monica and about ten others. Only Keanu and Chris were filming tonight and as far as you knew, they were being driven in a separate vehicle to the location.

“Are you still hungover?” Monica asked. She sat directly across the aisle from you on the shuttle. Since there weren’t many people on the bus, you each got your own row.

“Not drinking with you people again. I can tell you that,” you said with a shake of your head.

“Even if Chris is there? That’s some eye candy if I ever saw some,” she said wiggling her eyebrows. “Wonder if he’s single?”

“You’re horrible,” you giggle out.

“Hey! Not all of us have a fiancé. Not like it matters anyway.”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“Maggie thinks he’s hot and have you seen that girl? I stand no chance. Keanu has a girlfriend,” she said with a shrug.

Interesting. So, Maggie thinks Chris is hot. But really, who doesn’t think that man is hot.

“I’m pretty sure it’s frowned upon to date the actors anyway.”

“Who said anything about dating?” she replied with a wink.

“You are horrible. I stand by that.”

**

The temperature had dropped by about twenty degrees and you were feeling like such a rookie. You grew up in the Northern Midwest for goodness sake and you failed to bring a hat or gloves with you. This was not ideal for outdoor filming where you needed to hold on to a script and pen for hours. Apparently, you were doing so with bare hands.  

Much of the first hour was spent helping with stage setup. You didn’t have to help unload the props, but it was certainly aiding you with the keeping warm factor. You eagerly carried box after box and then helped coordinate stage design.

Keanu and Chris arrived about twenty minutes later in separate vehicles which you found odd. They were filming together tonight and seemed to get a long as far as you could tell all through the shoot in Los Angeles. Chris and you were friends, but you didn’t feel comfortable enough to pry into that quite yet.

**

There’s a log cabin fa��ade set up in a heavily wooded area made to look like a two-story cabin built in the 1950s. Once you open the door, it’s nothing more than plywood sides that only go back maybe 20 feet. Just the entryway or what can be seen by the camera is designed to look like a house. All internal shots of the “cabin” were shot back at the studio. Unfortunately, the “cabin” wasn’t any warmer than the outside temperature. Your plans to hide in the house between shots was crushed within minutes.

As the guys filmed their first take, you stood next to Hugh, the director with Monica on your other side as your backup since none of the actors she was working with were filming tonight. The first take was cut with Hugh calling for a reset. You spent the next ten minutes jogging in place to keep warm. The script was dropped to the ground with your hands burrowed into your coat’s pockets. Chris gave you an amused look as his face was being powdered by his makeup artist. You sent him a wink and continued on your jog to nowhere.

Take two and three were called and by this point you could no longer stand still. Not wanting to make a lot of noise while the film is rolling, you opted to dance in place. Billie Eilish’s All the Good Girls Go to Hell is playing in your head. You wiggle to the beat, careful not to let your feet shuffle. It helps, but just a little.

“Let’s just get one more and we’ll move on,” Hugh calls out.

“Can someone tell Y/N to stop dancin’ over there? It’s mighty distracting,” Chris yelled.

If you weren’t already frozen solid, you’re pretty sure your face would resemble fire at this point.

Keanu turns around to face you and gives you a bit of a smirk.

“I’m cold!” you said loud enough for everyone near you to hear. “You don’t like my dance moves?”

“You’re distracting. Hugh, tell her she’s distracting,” Chris responded with a chuckle.

“Y/N, stop distracting Chris,” Hugh repeated nonchalantly.

“Aren’t you from Minnesota? Why aren’t you dressed warmly?” Chris asked, coming to stand next to you.

“I lost my mind this afternoon,” you said with a shrug.

**

After one more take, Hugh called it and ordered the next scene to be set up. You and Monica made your way to the food tent that conveniently had heaters blowing inside.

“This is like heaven. Who needs the sandy beaches of Aruba when we’ve got this wonderful tent in paradise?” You plop your butt down at a table ignoring the food and lean back in the chair, arms hanging like dead weight at your sides. “Go on without me. You can have Keanu and Chris. I’m just going to stay here forever where it’s warm,” you sighed happily.

“So dramatic,” Monica replied, grabbing two cups of coffee and depositing one on the table in front of you. “Two sugars and two creams?”

“One stevia or Splenda, whichever is there. Three creams.” You slip off your coat figuring you’ll only be colder once you leave the tent if you leave it on.

Monica drops the containers and packet in front of you, taking a seat next to you stirring in her own add ins.

“How much time do you think we have? I’d like to defrost a bit longer if we can.”

“Probably another ten. Drink up,” she replied holding up her own paper cup.

Downing your hot beverage that did little to warm you up. You got up and put your coat back on, zipping it up as far as it would go. Something warm and heavy was placed over your shoulders suddenly. Looking down, you could see it was a dark brown wool coat. You spun around to see Chris standing there, soft grin on his face.

“Keep it. Just make sure you give it back to wardrobe before we leave.”

“Don’t you need it for the next scene?” you asked furrowing your brow.

Chris shook his head no. “Next scene has me in that denim jacket with the white wool lining. It’ll be my turn to freeze.”

You gave him a thankful smile while buttoning up the coat over your own. “Thank you. Really. Didn’t realize you hated my dancing this much, but I do appreciate it.”

“Didn’t say I hated it. Said you were a distraction.” He runs his hands up and down your coat covered arms in his attempt to warm you up. The goosebumps that erupt are luckily hidden by the layers, but you can’t help but pray he doesn’t hear the increased beat of your heart. “You’re gonna get sick if you don’t layer up.”

You can’t seem to speak so you just hum in response.

**

Somewhere between the second or third take, your helping with costuming. The Polaroid pictures from the interior shoot aren’t agreeing with the way Keanu’s hair is now. It could be the way his hat is hanging, but you grab his stylist to assist.

“Yeah, that’s so much better,” you said after his hair is moved behind his ear no more than an inch.

“You certainly are particular,” Keanu said with a chuckle.

“S’always a pet peeve of mine when watching a movie if it doesn’t match exactly. Call it over kill if you will, but I call it doing my job,” you replied with a smirk.

“Warm enough over there Frosty?” Chris asked from a chair while he waited for you to be done.

“Yes! Thanks to you,” you responded back.

“This Chris’ coat?” Keanu asked.

“Yeah. Well, technically William’s coat.”

Keanu hummed in response before turning away to stand on his mark.

**

After filming wrapped for the night, you made your way to the wardrobe tent, catching Chris as he was leaving.

“Returning William’s coat?”

“Yep. Told you I would.”

“Here. I’ll take it in. M’sure you want to get back to the hotel,” he said, holding out his hand.

Quickly unbuttoning it, you pulled it off missing the warmth immediately. Chris took it, holding it over his chest with his arms crossed over it.

“Damn, did I miss this coat over the last two hours.” He ducked his head down for a second and then looked back at you. “Smells good.”

You let out a cross between a gasp and a laugh. “Did you just smell the coat?”

He bit at his lip and looked away. “Wasn’t trying to. Caught a whiff of it and had to investigate further. Just smells nice is all.”

“Okay Evans,” you said slowly. “Have a good night. Gotta catch that shuttle before they leave me.”

“Ye-yeah. Alright. See you tomorrow Y/N.”

“Night, Chris.”

**

You were positive it wasn’t half a night in the freezing cold that did you in. It was probably the travel, along with the stress of being away. No matter how you spun it, you were sick. Head congested, sore throat, the occasional chill while you were indoors. Yeah, you were sick. Monica turned out to be a germaphobe and you hadn’t seen that coming. It started as soon as you two were awake. She noticed the change in your voice.

“It’s just dry in here. Stupid winter. I just need some water,” you played it off not willing to accept your fate as well.

“Yeah okay. I know I saw a few water bottles in the mini fridge,” she replied.

You grabbed one and brought it into the bathroom with you. Taking a few chugs from the bottle, you set it on the counter then hopped into the shower hoping the hot steam would kick you into gear. It didn’t.

Maggie was shooting tonight along with Joe and Daisy. Chris and Keanu had the night off although you thought they maybe had some dialogue they were re-recording this afternoon. You were set to be Maggie’s backup tonight but really you wanted to do was go back to bed.

The two of you made your way to conference room B for the breakfast buffet they set up for your group each morning. It wasn’t much, but it was free and available from seven to ten each morning and you managed to wake up early enough to check it out. Grabbing a plate and filling it with a muffin, scrambled eggs, and two sausage thinks, you joined Monica at a table with a couple of other crew members.

Your throat started to tickle just a bit after your first bite of eggs. Taking a sip of orange juice did nothing to ease that feeling. You coughed into your napkin much to Monica’s horror.

“Too much pepper,” you replied.

She rolled her eyes but carried on eating her own breakfast until you coughed again. She stood up and moved a seat a few chairs away.

“Just a precaution,” she said with a shrug.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. Reaching back into your pocket you quickly pulled it out.

Chris: You de-thaw yet?

Y/N: My shoes are soaked from the melted ice

Y/N: I slept great. That cold took a lot out of me. Thanks again for coming to my rescue.

Chris: 😎

Chris: No big deal

Y/N: Well, I appreciate it and will be better prepared tonight.

Chris: Captain’s orders

You shook your head at his comment.

Y/N: Wow. He went there.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah. Let me know if you have time to grab food later. Little harder for me to grab desserts here and bring them to your office.

Y/N: I’ll let you know.

The tickle was back and you couldn’t help but cough to clear it. Getting up from your seat, you averted Monica’s eyes as you dumped your plate and opened the door to leave.

“Better not be sick, Y/L/N!” she called out just as you stepped through the door.

I’m not sick. There’s no way. It’s just in my head.

Making a quick stop at the hotel gift shop, you paid double the amount you would pay at Target for vitamin C drops and Cold Eeze. These were for in case you were coming down with something. Not that you were or anything.

Back in your room, you applied moisturizer and light makeup. You hoped that trying to go on  with your day as normal would make you feel normal. By the time you got to the bathroom to do your hair, Monica came back to the room.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“I’m okay,” you replied putting the final touches on your hair.

“Just okay? That sounds specious.”

You let out a quick chuckle. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m just getting my bag. Maybe open a window. Let some of the germs out,” she said sticking her tongue out at you.

“I’ll see you there in a bit,” you said as she opened the door.

Except you didn’t. Somewhere between digging out your mittens, hat, and scarf that you apparently put back in your suitcase, along with returning a few missed calls from your family, you were tired. Deciding to lay down for just twenty minutes, turned into a couple of hours. The sound of pounding on your door was what woke you. Bolting up right in bed, you reached for your phone, seeing that it was already one in the afternoon. You had two missed calls from Chris along with a few text messages from him, Monica, and David.

“Coming,” your voice coming out hoarse. Your hand gently touched your neck as you swallowed, noticing it was slightly swollen and tender.

Swinging open the door, Chris stood in front of it, tired look on his face. His hands immediately going to his waist.

“Okay. You’re alive,” he said, bobbing his head as he said it. You giving a confused look in response. Chris nodded his head again, turned and started to walk away.

Keeping the door propped because you didn’t have on shoes or your room key on hand, you leaned out the door. “Chris! Come back! Please don’t make me yell.”

He stopped walking and turned back to face you. The same tired look was still on his face as he made his way back to you, stopping once he was in front of the door once again.

“I was--we were worried about you,” he sighed out. “When you didn’t respond to my text or call, I stopped by your cube and you weren’t there. Monica said you should have been there no later than eleven because you were on your way shortly after she was.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Then when you didn’t respond to Monica or David, we got concerned.”

“I’m sorry. I was just really tired and fell asleep too long,” you said softly, stepping back into the room and motioning for him to come in. “I didn’t mean to make you guys worry.”

Chris followed into the room, flicking on a light before taking a seat on Monica’s bed.

“It’s fine,” he sighed again. “Just didn’t know if something happened since you didn’t show up at the studio or answer your phone.”

“Don’t tell Monica, but I’m sick. I think that’s why I slept longer than I intended to. I’m sorry you came all the way out here,” you said, taking a seat next to him.

“I’m sorry you’re sick. That sucks.”

“It does,” you said getting up. “Should probably keep my distance. Don’t need the talent getting sick,” you said, giving him a wink.

“Good one. I’ll let it slide since you’re sick.” You grabbed your bag, checking to see that your worn script was still in it. “Where are you going? You’re sick, missy.”

“Missy? Really? It’s called life doesn’t pause just because of me,” you said slipping on your coat and putting your hat on.

Chris gabbed his phone from his pocket, clicking it a few times and bringing it to his ear.

“Hey,” he said. “Yeah, I found her. She’s sick and was sleeping when I got here. Trying to convince her to rest up… Yeah, she’s stubborn… What? No. No. I’ll take care of it. You don’t need to do that… I’m sure. I’ll get it sorted…Yeah, I’ll see you later… I’ll tell her… Bye Monica.”

“What are you telling me?” you asked as soon as he dropped his phone to the bed.

“You have the night off.” You were about to protest but Chris put his hand up. “Not my choice. She said she can handle it tonight and rather not have you breathing on her,” he chuckled prompting you to roll your eyes. “She said to rest up.” You nodded and started to unzip your coat. “Keep your coat on! You’re not staying here tonight.”

“Chris, I’m not hospital sick. I can stay in my own room,” you protested, hands instantly going to your hips.

He shook his head. “Monica was going to bunk up with someone else, but I told her I’d find you somewhere else to stay since she wouldn’t be back until late. You’re coming with me.” He stood up, grabbing your scarf from the desk and wrapping it around your neck.

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“You’re staying with me and before you say anything, it’s fine.”

“Chris…”

“Y/N…” he responded in the same tired tone. “It’s a three-bedroom condo. I have the room and no you won’t be in my way.”

“Okay…Let me just grab some things.”

Chris sat back down on Monica’s bed while you grabbed your carry-on, throwing in some pajamas, a change of clothes for tomorrow, your hairbrush, and makeup bag from the bathroom.

“Alright. Let’s go see how the other half lives,” you said with a smirk.

“Such a smaht-ass,” Chris said with a shake of his head.

“And that’s why we’re…”

“…we’re friends,” he cut you off. “Yeah. Yeah. Let’s get a move on sicko. Cahs waitin’ downstairs.”

This is totally normal. Doesn’t look inappropriate at all. What the studio doesn’t know won’t hurt anyone.

**

Tag List: @chrisevansfanfic @zsuzstyina @peach-acid @hista-girl  @trynnabemultifandom @mrsshiddleston @tfandtws @heyyouwiththeassbutt @denisemarieangelina @evanlys19 @cheeseburgersstuff @linki-locks11 @whymalu @straightforwardly @lakamaa12 @deidrashouseofpain@samsgoddess @fanfictionaffair @sweet--rabbit @imaginesofdreams @captnstarryeyed @tanelle83 @pinknerdpanda @allaboutthebooz @estillion14 @panicfob @patzammit @heartislubbingdubbing @collinsstanharbour @ab-baybay @rda1989 @impalaimages @jesseswartzwelder @rainbowkisses31 @xostephanie @smoothdogsgirl @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @xxloki81xx @thenormreedus  @firstangeldragonranch @soitmightgetweird @maeleeme @rvgrsbrns @icanfeelastormbrewing @velvetwonderbucky @kitkat1690 @smilexcaptainx @suppu97 @dangerouslovefanfic @dwights-new-plague @kelbabyblue @sweetlittlegingy @chrisevansforever @evansxxx​ @twittytelly​ @southerngracela​ @bitterstar88​

[thedeaditeslayer]

Bruce Campbell talks ‘Evil Dead,’ ‘Spider-Man,’ ‘Xena’

mm

The first time Bruce Campbell came across Sam Raimi, they were students at Michigan’s West Maple Junior High School.

“Sam was a year younger than me,” Campbell recalls, “and I remember him dressed as Sherlock Holmes playing with dolls in the middle of the floor. And I remember going way around him. And I found out later that it was Sam Raimi. We didn’t really come into contact until we got until high school.”

What a connection they made. After bonding over D.I.Y. filmmaking, Campbell and Raimi went on to do 1978 shoestring horror-short “Within the Woods” together, which they evolved into 1981 demonic thriller “Evil Dead.”

Campbell would periodically reprise signature “Evil Dead” character Ash Williams in various sequels and offshoots. And appear in Raimi-produced “Xena: Warrior Princess,” portraying slippery “king of thieves” Autolycus on that ’90s-iconic TV fantasy epic.

And then there’s Campbell’s memorable cameos in Raimi’s blockbuster, Tobey Maguire-starring “Spider-Man” film trilogy: the ring announced in the first, 2002 film, “snooty usher” in the 2004 sequel and a maître d’ in 2007′s “Spider-Man 3.”

Of course, Campbell’s made a mark outside that dynamic duo. He drew raves for his portrayal of a nursing-home-bound Elvis Presley in 2002 indie comedy-horror gem, “Bubba Ho-Tep.” Then there’s his role of Sam Axe on USA Network spy drama “Burn Notice.” Not to mention numerous other film, TV, voice acting and even video-game work.

The cult-fave actor will make his first ever trip to Huntsville this week, for Oct. 24 events at Von Braun Center’s Mark C. Smith Concert Hall featuring “Evil Dead” screenings followed by a Campbell-led chat about the film, his life as an actor and beyond. Tickets for these 3 and 7:30 p.m. events start at $32, via ticketmaster.com.

His upcoming projects include a comedy album with actor Ted Raimi, Sam’s brother, called “The Lost Recordings.” Campbell also is readying a book of essays called “The Cool Side of My Pillow,” which finds him riffing on subjects ranging from noise to the environment. He hopes to have both released by the end of this year. More info at bruce-campbell.com. On a recent afternoon, Campbell checked in from his Oregon home for a phone interview. Edited excerpts are below.

Bruce, when you do an “Evil Dead” screening event, do your discussions turn up new things about the film or that you haven’t thought of in a long time?

Every show turns up something new because it puts you on the spot. Someone will say something that will then trigger something that you had forgot. I just sat down the other day before one of these shows with my guy who is my frontman and I was like, “OK, l’m just going to tell the story of making this movie.” It’s not for questions I’m just going to tell you basically what you’re about to see. But yeah, every show triggers some new thing. I’ve seen the movie. I know how it ends. But that is the challenge, finding some new, weird tidbits.

Back in high school how did you and Sam Raimi first bond? Did you share a class or something?

Basically I got into typing class, that’s what started it. I could not believe I was stuck in this stupid class where everyone around me seemed to know how to type. I’m like, “How do you know this?” It was very frustrating. So I went to a counselor for the first time ever – I’d never gone to try to get out of anything.

So I go there and I say, “Hey can I drop this dumb typing class?” She goes, "Yeah, what do you want? I go, “What do you got?” So she comes up with “radio speech.” And I’m like, “Radio speech? Wait they do the morning announcements (at school) and stuff?” and I’m like yeah let me get all over that.

So I got into a class and Sam Raimi was also in the class. And the guy who taught radio speech also directed all the plays. We didn’t know how critical that was. The first year I couldn’t get in anything in my high school. I was auditioning for everything but I didn’t have a class with this guy. By the next year I had a class with him, and then me and Sam were in basically all the plays after that. We found out how the deal worked.

So I met him in radio speech and we’d do the morning announcements together and got to talking about what we do in our neighborhoods. I was making little regular-8 (millimeter film) movies and Sam was making Super-8 movies. So we started to join forces during the course of that high school run, that two or three years in there.

We were very productive. We didn’t really get into trouble because we were too busy like filming parties. We wouldn’t go to the parties we’d film the parties and use them in some way in our little films so it was a great guerrilla filmmaking period.

A celeb or well-known person you were surprised to learn they’re an “Evil Dead” fan?

I heard Charlie Sheen, one of his favorite things was to smoke a doobie and watch “Evil Dead 2,” and Alice Cooper’s favorite horror movie is “Evil Dead.”

If it’s good enough for Alice Cooper it’s good enough for me. You host the quiz show “Last Fan Standing.” What do you make of the mainstreaming of nerd-culture?

Every generation has its deal. In the ’40s most moviegoers were in their 40s and so the actors were in their 40s. Humphrey Bogart and Spencer Tracy and all the guys were in their 40s. You didn’t have to be 21. And then as the audience got younger the actors got younger and the people who run the companies get younger and so they’re really just catering to what’s popular.

Comic books have always been popular but now they’re really popular. Not really sure what that’s all about but yeah social media has certainly helped but I think it’s another form of escapism. Whenever times get weird, people want escapism. During The Depression they did the Busby Berkeley splashy musicals where everyone was happy all the time, when life was really miserable. And some decades where we’re really doing okay, the movies turned introspective and we go after ourselves and figure out why we’re like this and like that. And so I think we’re in a phase where we just want to be taken away to another galaxy and Marvel is very happy to help.

And you’ve been a part of that. In Sam’s “Spider-Man” trilogy, which of your cameos did you have the most fun with?

Well I don’t know it’s hard to lineate because they’re so critical. The first one I named Spider-Man. If I wasn’t in the movie a billion dollar franchise would be called The Human Spider. He wants to get in the theater in the second one, past the snooty usher who won’t let him in because he’s late, because it will spoil the illusion, so I think I’m technically the only character who’s ever defeated Spider-Man. And in part three, a superhero comes to a mortal for help. He wants me to help him propose to his girlfriend so it’s sort of a landmark case where a superhero goes to a mortal for help which is pretty rare. So I can’t delineate because they’re all critical to the “Spider-Man” universe.

Do you have any cool mementos from "Evil Dead or elsewhere from your career? Maybe something like the chainsaw from “Evil Dead 2”?

You know, it’s weird I’m not a hoarder, I’m not a collector. My brother, he has the shotgun from “Evil Dead,” but not because he loves movie trivia, he just likes guns. My brother also has I think the set of keys to the original cabin. That’s a pretty good one. Not sure how he got that one.

I have weirder ones. Like I have a prop from a 1989 movie called “Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat.” I have Van Helsing’s holy bottle where he shakes the holy water at them. And I have what I call my tchotchke shelf, where most people would look at it and they couldn’t identify what importance each item is, but there’s a story for each one.

Some of your favorite actors outside the horror genre?

Oh, I l love a lot of the old time actors. William Holden, he starred in “Bridge on The River Kwai” one of my favorite movies. I like the guys who had to work a lot. In the old days and actor would finish a job on Friday he was under contract, he took two weeks off and started a new movie a couple weeks later. Actors kind of just do one or two movies a year if they’re lucky these days and it doesn’t help them refine their craft.

I feel like the guys who worked a lot got good because they got really used to the process. I’m a fan of the studio system. Not all movies were good and not every actor was happy under the studio system, but I think a busy actor’s a good actor.

For your role in “Bubba Ho-Tep,” what was your process for tapping into Elvis’s vibe?

What guy doesn’t want to be Elvis, you know? So I worked with an Elvis impersonator for about a half an hour and then he gave up on me. He goes, “Look, man, you’re never going to get it.” I’m like, “Wow either I suck or you suck as a teacher but somebody here sucks.”

No, but I watched a bunch of footage and documentaries. There’s a good one, all his Memphis Mafia who worked with him, a filmmaker basically got them all drunk one night and interviewed them all and that’s where the good stories are. You learn a little more of the human side of him. But that’s pretty much it. I’ve never been a stage performer so mercifully there wasn’t that much of it, just in quick flashbacks.

And there’s a part of me, in the back of my mind, I want to know that Elvis' descendants, somebody, a daughter, niece, somebody has watched that movie and approved. We’ll see.

I thought it was a cool creative take on that whole Elvis thing.

I agree. That’s why I did it. It was one of the weirdest scripts I’ve ever read But yet it wraps up though. It has a weird premise but it has a really interesting theme of what do you do with old people. Do we forget these old people? And are they still useful in society, old people? And I thought it had a sweet ending, that these two old guys they kind of rally themselves one more time.

What’s a well-known role you’ve turned down?

Turned down? I don’t have a lot of those. I don’t operate in that rarified air of saying, “Oh I turned ‘Titanic’ down.” I tried to get a part in a studio movie called “The Phantom” and Billy Zane wound up getting the part." And it was down to me and Billy, I was number two for the job, but I didn’t really enjoy the process very much because it seemed more political than actually acting. It was amazing how many people you had to audition for, and you had to go up the ranks and each time it got a little more tense as you move up. So I’m good doing these weirdo little movies.

I read the budget for “Within the Woods,” the predecessor of “Evil Dead,” was a princely 1,600 bucks. What was the most expensive line item, you think?

Food and probably fake blood. Tom Sullivan, who did the special effects, probably needed to mold a few things, so he probably spent a couple hundred bucks on molds. A lot of it was footage because Sam Raimi likes to shoot footage, so we probably bought a lot of rolls of film. And we did go to a cabin to shoot it, so had to get in the car and travel so maybe a little gas money in there too. That’s about it.

What can you tell us about the status of the next installment of the “Evil Dead” franchise?

We’re honing-in, circling the building now trying to lock in a partner. We have a couple of bidders and we’re trying to just find the correct suitor and we have a script written and a director picked. Sam Raimi hand -picked a guy named Lee Cronin, who’s a very good Irish filmmaker. And it’s got a very good modern tale. It’s a modern-day urban “Evil Dead,” it’s called “Evil Dead Rise.” And we’re hoping to do that next year.

You were a producer on 2013 “Evil Dead” remake. What’s the key to making a reboot effective?

Well rebooting can be very confusing and frustrating and not always successful. Reboot, sequel, remake we have all these crazy terms. What we’re doing now is we’re saying," Look, this is another ‘Evil Dead’ movie and that book gets around, a lot of people run into it and it’s another story." The main key with “Evil Dead” is they’re just regular people who are battling what seems to be a very unstoppable evil, and so that’s where the horror comes from. It’s not someone who’s skilled. They’re not fighting a soldier. They’re not fighting a scientist. They’re not fighting anybody more than your average neighbor. This one is going to be a similar thing. We’re going to have a heroine, a woman in charge, and she’s going to try and save her family.

Speaking of a female protagonist, when you’re at a con or meet fans somewhere, who has the most passionate superfans: “Evil Dead” or “Xena”?

“Xena” hits them at an emotional level. Like, they’ll come up to me and Lucy Lawless (the actor who played the show’s title role) and just burst into tears, because her character helped them get through a difficult time. “Xena” is more representative of overcoming your struggles in life. “Evil Dead” fans are pretty fervent but they don’t cry as much.

[thenightling]

The Dreaming (2018) in a nut shell

Full plot of The Dreaming (2018 run).  This is copied and pasted from a Discord conversation because I didn’t feel like repeating myself...  That’s also why it’s a bit disjointed.

I'll explain the whole plot as best I can, bear with me. There's this monstress named Dora living in The Dreaming, and she's got a chip on her shoulder since Morpheus had once promised her she'd never have to be afraid ever again and that was shortly before The Kindly Ones.  Anyway, she's been haunting the dream of this woman dying of throat cancer (revealed to be Rose's mother).  Daniel goes MIA and doesn't seem to want to be found.

Suddenly these "blanks" generic looking humanoid enterities start pouring in from cracks in the dreaming.   Mervyn invents a racial slur for them of Soggies (totally not "wet backs").

While Daniel is gone Judge Gallows (another old DC horror host) takes over The Dreaming and promises to make The dreaming great again.

Dora befriends one of the blanks who is very child-like and names him Ziggy. Merv starts penning them up on behalf of Judge Gallows and even attempts to lynch Ziggy. 

Merv has a grudge.  Shortly before Judge Gallows took over Lucien used the helm to un-create Merv's friends right on the steps of the caslte and it was implied to be out of spite

("I did warn you." - said by Lucien).  It's a "They took our jobs" thing, apparently. The blanks are more efficient. No immigration metaphors here, nope.

Lucien is apparently slowly losing his mind / going senile.  He can't remember anything.   Eventually Judge Gallows gets defeated and replaced with this weird AI, yes an AI named Wan.   WAN, as it turns out was created by this character who looks suspiciously like Steve Jobs. Actual character name: Hyperion Keter.

Totally not Steve Jobs had a nightmare decades before where Dora was attacking him.  he had confronted her in the dream and told her she's not real.  This caused her to have an existential crisis and flee into The Dreaming where Morpheus had tended to her and sealed her own memories to protect her mind.  He also hid the newly re-created ruby dreamstone inside her to aid her until she no longer needed it.

Steve Jobs-Knock-off guy creates Wan with the intention of invading and conquering The dreaming.  He thinks all the ills of humanity come from dreams.  Greed, superstition, religious zealousness.   Oh, by the way, Judge Gallows heavily indicates that Morpheus caused the civil war and holocaust by creating him (Judge Gallows) to prey on man's fear of "The other". So anyway, while that was going on Daniel was playing human and dating Ivy. Steve Jobs sends some occultists to steal a lock of Ivy's hair to control her.  Ivy gets upset when Daniel won't let her tattoo him since she's a tattoo artist. (that's where I grew to hate her).  She doesn’t accept no means no with his bodily autonomy.  Daniel apologizes to her and proposes marriage.  He gives her an emerald ring.

The occultists (working out of Fawny Rig) control Ivy and she gives Daniel a dream catcher / tree of life tattoo that works as a geas to bar him from The Dreaming and prevent him from calling out for help.

Ivy tries to "apologize" by giving him a cup of tea but it turns out to be poisoned.   Desire (or what appears to be Desire, it might be posthumous Morpheus in disguise, the face is always partly hidden and he's very thin) warns Rose of what's going on and Rose slaps the drink from Daniel's hand but he's already had a taste.  Daniel, freaks the f--k out.

A dog walker eats his own fingers right there on the beach.   Someone screams until their vocal chords burst in their throat.  Daniel is maming and mutilating right and left (and this is NOT where those partiers were killed, that was earlier and said very nonchalantly during the dating montage.  Daniel made some drunk bachelor party guys who cat called Ivy walk into the ocean and drown...  I think he killed the entire party...)

Daniel finds the occultists and traps them all in terrible nightmare half-concious states but still weakened and unable to return to The Dreaming he goes to apologize to Ivy, knowing she was being controlled but it's too late, she's ODed and brain dead.

He takes her soul with him to flee to another universe.

Dora, meanwhile, gets a hold of Destruction's sword, briefly meets up with Nuala (who has learned Titania's true name thanks to Daniel stopping by for help with the fae).  Daniel gets the egg that Titania has from back during the original Books of Magic, this is the "Mundane Egg" able to open or create another universe.

Anyway, back in The Dreaming Wan (the AI) is trying to run things and doesn't know it has a secret dark side programming to destroy the place.

Wan legitimately wants to do good and blacks out when the other side takes over. An AI with a split personality. Wan talks Abel into taking the initiative and kill Cain...

Cain does not revive. Wan also digitizes the entire dreaming library because of Lucien's memory problems.   Lucien decides he wants to die.

Abel scooped out Matthew's eyes with a spoon and gives him his own eyes so Matthew can see what he sses, the secret that Wan is destroying The Dreaming. Matthew with giant human eyes sticking out of his tiny raven head, Abel (whose eyes grow back), and Dora, head out to save the dreaming.

Cain, meanwhile, his soul was uploaded into an AI at the home of Not-Steve Jobs. So he's there.  The heroes make their way there and learn the story of why things are happening.   Poor not-Steve Jobs was dying of cancer (this was really tasteless to model him after Steve jobs).  And Daniel briefly came to him, showing him what he was destroying in destroying The Dreaming,  Hyperion tried to set things right but his own minion stopped him.

Dora shows up and accidentally shuts down Steve's life support system. Rose gets told more exposition dump from "Desire" (I'm telling you, there are clues it's actually Morpheus) She hijacks a bus to get to Steve Jobs'  place. Here we discover the re-created ruby dream stone was inside Dora the whole time.  Lucien, meanwhile, had tried to be re-abosrbed into The Dreaming with the help of his dream friends (eve, Merv, etc).  And he has a brief visit with Death who introduces him to Steve Jobs and gives him a special book that has all of Lucien's lost memories. Dora returns to The dreaming with the dream stone, and her, Lucien, and the other dream folk are able to summon Daniel back, breaking the geas spell he was under (Ivy is left behind).

Dora is a Night Hag, by the way.   That was her big secret besides having the ruby in her. They kept harping on how special she was, that she wasn't like the others in the Dreaming. ...she was a Night hag, that's it.  They kept going on about her being special, this big secret, she's a night hag.  Eve delviers a line I cannot forgive.  She says something like "We were worried he only kept us around out of laziness or loneliness. We were wrong."  They were HAPPY they were there as a failsafe, as tools in case he got captured again in the waking world.  They would rather be tools than for someone to want them around out of loneliness?!  Daniel uncreates Wan but as Wan begns to fade the good side of Wan helps Daniel set things right and apologizes for its other personality. Daniel erases Rose's memory of the entire adventure (which I think is bullshit).  She lost her f--king daughter, you asshole!  And Lucien learns to be 'More assertive" and when Daniel requests he come to the throne room so he can thank them formally Lucien says no, because he's drinking with Dora.

"character growth" TM

 hated Simon's run of The Dreaming but not as much as I hate Caitlin R. Kiernan's. 

Dreaming Waking Hours is about a Nightmare named Ruin who escapes to the waking world because he's fallen in love with a mortal.   It's so much better but all the events of Simon's Dreaming are still canon so that's a problem. The villain being modeled after Steve Jobs even if he sees the error of his ways in the end was totally tasteless. My hands ache from writing all that out...

Oh, and Cain is back to normal (for him) he and Abel took turns in a sort of tag team tormenting the tech support for Wan, via nightmares. So they couldn't intervene in stopping the destruction of the AI. That was actually a fun scene. "There will be no tech support today." Cain shows up with a chainsaw.

Also the reason "not Steve Jobs" knew about Dream was because he found a journal from an occultist at a garage sale that described Morpheus' capture.

I think I'm still traumatized from reading it, especially the early issues where Merv was used as a Trump supporter allegory. And Abel did give Matthew back his normal raven eyes while they were in Steve Job's house.   Though don't ask me how Abel even did the initial eye surgery of putting his eyes in Matthew while he was blinded.  

Someone tried telling me Simon Spurrier wasn't trying for a Republican metaphor, he was making a commentary on the Tories How is that better?!?

It's still a very dated political reference.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 71

Thank you to @satan-parisienne for being my #1 beta reader and literally writing half this chapter.  So many conversations between us are captured in their essence when Sophia and Tyche interact, but this was such a rare opportunity to transcribe such a conversation. 

There are so many other people I want to thank, but if I thank all of you, this post would be literally just tags. So, I want to include @baelpenrose and @anotherusrname for also being there for everything that doesn’t make it into this story, and @charlylimph-blog for being the light and joy in the world that I wish I could be. 

No worries, this isn’t the last chapter, I just had a really rough week from a mental health perspective.  The show will go on.

At some point during the night, Xiomara vanished with the gorgeous artist. This left my sister, Charly, and myself to annoy Sebastian until the guys could come and rescue… someone.  I wasn’t sure if they saved us or the poor pub-owner. All I could remember after Xiomara leaving was Charly deciding Conor was a good chair: intending to sit on her stool, she had unceremoniously climbed in his lap instead. After some wiggling to figure out the difference, she had pronounced the chair to be soft and warm.

With a snort of laughter that made my eyes water, I had to explain that it wasn’t the chair she was practically wallowing in, it was my boyfriend’s lap. With a very serious look at his face, she had only patted his beard and announced that she understood why I kept him since he was so comfortable and warm. That was the point when Coffey scooped her up, tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, and took a still-waving Charly home, and everything else kind of blurred together.

As for myself, I woke up the next morning being tortured for my sins. Someone had decided to play a recording of a cement mixer over a looped track of a chainsaw, at full volume, targeted straight at my ears. Groaning in pain, I covered my ears and quickly realized I didn’t have enough hands to also cover my eyes. The chainsaw stopped abruptly and I felt the mattress dip to my left. I cracked my eye when an arm nudged mine. Maverick was handing me a cup full of something that was quickly snatched away when I tried to sniff it. He brought it back with a pointed look, so I placed my faith in him and chugged it.

If it smelled half as bad as it tasted, no wonder he wouldn’t let me take a whiff – only every shred of self-control I hadn’t exercised the night before kept the concoction my stomach. It tasted like analgesic, so I assumed if I kept it down, the hangover would go away eventually. That didn’t make the act of forcing it to stay in my stomach any easier.

When I no longer felt like my brain was trying to escape my skull through judicious use of a sledgehammer, I took a deep breath and braved opening my eyes. What little light there was in our bedroom was no longer cleverly crafted from sharp objects, and the cement mixer had been replaced by Conor snoring away to my right.

“He took the late shift to make sure you all got home safe,” Maverick whispered softly. “So I agreed to be the one to deal with your hangover.” When I glared at the empty cup he had taken from me, he shrugged and smirked at me. “Analgesic, electrolyte solution, and an anti-emetic.”

“No wonder it tasted like ass,” I grumbled.

Jokingly, he waved a hand in front of his nose before pinching it. “I think you’re just tasting your mouth, honestly.  You really need to brush your teeth.”

Scowling, I ran my tongue over the inside of my teeth – and immediately regretted it. Did I eat a dead rat or something? I whimpered to myself before staggering to scrub the taste of whatever it was out of my mouth.  After a rather prolonged date with my toothbrush as well as a shower, I managed to walk much more gracefully into the kitchen to get some coffee.  Conor had already beat me to it, however, handing me a steaming cup as I walked in. He carefully ruffled my hair – I was still struggling with flashbacks – and bent down so I could kiss his cheek.

I pulled back and arched an eyebrow. “You sure you don’t want that kiss from someone else?” I teased.

“You would never believe how awkward that was,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “Charly’s a nice girl, but I got my hands full with you two. Sides, she’s a bit much for me, you catch my drift.” He gave me a pout and tapped his cheek again.

Giggling, I obliged before going to sit on the couch and putting my head on Maverick’s shoulder. “Do I smell better?” I yawned before sipping my coffee.

“Much,” he exhaled gratefully.

I snuggled in further, now that I was granted approval. “Tyche make it home okay? I’ll admit I don’t remember much.”

“Yeah, she’s fine.  Antoine took her home not long before Coffey came and got Charly.”

“They weren’t sneaky at all, you know?” As I said this, Conor walked in with a quizzical look on his face. “We knew you, Coffey, and Antoine were sitting in the opposite corner all night.  Zach showed up later, hung around for a bit, so did Simon but he headed out kind of early.”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” Conor scowled comically.

“You and Coffey are the two tallest humans on the ship.  Did you really think you were hiding? Especially with Xiomara at the table?”

“She’s got a point,” Maverick laughed. “What is it you always say? Xiomara has horse’s ears?”

Conor tipped his head back laughing. “I said I hadn’t seen her in a donkey’s ears, which just means a really long time. But yeah, I should have known she would see us.  We figured she’d be on our side, not ratting us out.”

I buried my face in Maverick’s shirt, laughing.  Sitting up, I wiped a tear from one eye. “Love.  Xiomara was in the military and trained in hand-to-hand combat, and you don’t want to see what Tyche can do in a fight.  She fights dirtier than mud.  We were safe, I promise.”

“Let us worry,” Maverick pressed a kiss to my temple. “You don’t get to hog all the overprotective instincts, you know. And besides, if any of you ladies thought that Coffey wasn’t going to be watching Charly like a hawk, you’ve lost your minds. I’ve seen what she can get up to when she’s sober. Drunk? No thank you.”

“Speaking of Charly,” I adjusted so I was sitting straighter. “Galactic education starts next week.  She told me she’s in one of the first classes.”

Maverick nodded. “Yeah, same section I’m in, I think. I didn’t recognize the teacher’s name, though.”

“At least that means we know it isn’t Simon,” Conor pointed out with a grin.

“Be nice,” I remonstrated. “Eino administered all his testing for certification, and he’s pretty impressed with Simon.  Even in the practical observation, he did a great job.”

“Wait,” Maverick ventured slowly. “If this is a new curriculum, how is there a practical observation?”

Conor shook his head before reaching forward to squeeze the other man’s knee. “The educators have to go through the course before they can teach it, just like anything else.  They’ve already been trained in how to teach, but need to know what they are teaching.”

I picked up from there with a nod. “Simon, on the other hand, is already familiar with the material but had to go through training to know how to teach. So, two birds, one stone.” Leaning forward, I flicked my wrist to bring up my datapad where everyone could see it. “Simon is one of three people who will be fully reassigned to teaching the Galactic education courses, while every other trained educator on the ship will be teaching one to three sections in addition to their existing coursework.”

“Nearly every other educator,” Conor corrected with a stern look.

“You sound like Tyche.”

“With good reason! You never told anyone you were a teacher!”

“Wait, what – “ Maverick sputtered, confused. “You were!?”

“One, I never actually taught on my own, I changed careers in my last year as a student-teacher. Two, I did tell other people! It just never really came up that often.” When Conor opened his mouth to object, I cut off the statement I knew was coming. “And I have mentioned it to the two of you, so I don’t want to hear it!”

Conor’s mouth shut with a click and realization dawned on Maverick’s face. “All those nights you were going through candidates to teach the courses… You kept saying you would make sure the program succeeded….”

“Even if I had to teach it my damned self,” I finished. “I wasn’t kidding.  All I need is about fifteen more hours practical observation, according to Eino.”

“You asked?” Conor looked skeptical.

“Well, Tyche did,” I admitted. “Just because we were having a hard time finding enough candidates to dedicate their time to just that course.”

“I thought Alistair was a teacher?”

“Librarian,” I corrected. “Totally different skill set, believe me.  I tried suggesting that he teach a section or two, and got an earful about the differences.  Ironically, he gave me a lecture about how he isn’t trained to lecture?” Shaking my head, I finished off my coffee. “Anyway, we managed to find enough teachers, so courses should start next week.”

“We should celebrate!” Maverick grinned. “A big family dinner, since we kept it small for Insert Winter Holiday. Invite everyone!”

I started counting in my head and groaned when I hit the double digits. “Mav… that’s…” Xiomara, Zach, Hannah, carry the three…. “That’s fifteen, sixteen people?  I don’t think we really even have room for everyone.  Especially if we don’t want people getting overwhelmed.”

“You and Tyche may want to talk about a family dinner rotation.” I thought Conor was joking, but a look at his face told me he was dead serious. “When there were just five of us, it was one thing, but now? The dinners the two of you make are turning into the hottest table in town.”

With a sigh, I shot a quick message to Tyche to see if she was in the land of the living.  Rather than respond, she showed up at my quarters, Antoine in tow and Mac staring balefully from her shoulders.  “Hangover remedies are revolting, but work,” she proclaimed while making a beeline for my kitchen.  Shortly, everyone was seated with a fresh cup of tea or coffee. “Now, why have I been summoned from my lair?”

I gestured to Maverick first. “Handsome number two had the idea to have a family dinner to celebrate the launch of the new education courses.” I paused for effect. “All of the family.”

Tyche sputtered and choked on her drink. “Where would we fit them all!? Neither of our quarters are anywhere approaching large enough.  We would need a small mess hall, which kind of ruins the effect.”

“I agree.  But I also agree we need to celebrate… what if we talked to Sebastian and took over the Undine for a night? It’s smaller, with dinner-style tables.”

She tipped her head side to side, thinking. “It might work.”

“Well, Handsome number one came up with another good point.” I gestured for Conor to explain.

“I just think you and Sophie should consider setting up a rotation for family dinners. Not just who is cooking,” he rushed to clarify, “but who you’re inviting. We love you girls ‘til the wheels fall off, but you adopt strays faster than most cat ladies I’ve met. Not that I’m complainin’, being part of that number!” He held up his hands in surrender. “But don’t you lasses think the ‘come one, come all’ approach is getting to be a bit much?”

To my surprise, Antoine nodded even more emphatically than Maverick did. “Sophia, Tyche, he is right. Only sheer luck and good manners have kept the two of you from being overwhelmed by your insistence on feeding anyone who arrives during your ‘family dinners’.  Inviting specific people on specific evenings may be the best idea, while also considering keeping some meals to just the five of us.”

Before the objection could even bubble up to my throat, Maverick squeezed me against him. “I can actually feel her heart breaking.” Briskly rubbing my arm, he dropped a kiss on top of my head. “Sweetheart, you and Tyche both said it yourselves: If everyone chooses to drop in on any given Wednesday, neither set of quarters have room to accommodate that.”

Tyche heaved a sigh of concession. “Okay, I definitely see the point about the ‘just us’ dinners… I’ve really missed those, honestly.  But, how do we decide rotations for everyone else? How are we supposed to make it fair?”

I sat bolt upright as her words hit me. “You. Are. A. Genius.  I actually have an answer to that!”

The expression on her face was matched by the one Mac was dishing out when my exclamation interrupted his nap. “Okay… How am I a genius right now?”

“How to make it fair.”

“So, for bringing up the question?”

I nodded my head emphatically before gulping down the rest of my coffee. “Themes.  We are going to set… five. Five themes. Culinary ones.  We are going to set… five. Five themes. And anyone who has a standing invitation to dinner will be asked to rank them, one through five, and we’ll use that to set the rotation.” I grinned triumphantly as Tyche’s face shone with realization, but then looked at the guys.

All three of them were completely lost.

“Everyone except the five of us will get the list of themes… something broad.  Not a specific dish, but a really broad type of food. They rank the five, with one being the absolute preference and five being ‘hey, not my favorite, but if Tyche or Sophia are cooking, I may give it a shot.’ The first, say, three people who ranked a certain theme their favorite get that, then the rest get their second choice, so on and so forth.”

“Ideally, no one will have to eat their fifth choice theme,” Tyche clarified. “Or even their third.”

Maverick hummed briefly. “So, say everyone picks the same thing for their number one. How do you decide who gets it?”

Tyche and I glanced at each other before I shrugged. “Honestly, the three who have the most restrictive dietary needs, are closest to us, and get along the best. If everyone picks the same thing for their first choice, it’s going to be something plain and probably vegetarian because that’s the majority of Derek’s diet and he has the most restrictive one. So it would be Derek, Grey, and probably Zach who got that one.  Everyone else would then get their second, and so on.”

“But,” Tyche emphasized, “letting everyone pick the meals they would prefer makes it the most fair and easiest on us, because then we know what to cook each week.  And there would still be meals for just the five of us, right?” She glanced at me, questioning.

“At least every sixth meal, but I would prefer after every three,” I admitted.  “That gives us once a Terran month.”

“What about big meals?” Maverick pressed. “For everyone?”

I tapped my chin for a moment while Tyche furrowed her brow. “Quarterly?” I asked, just as she suggested “Birthdays?”

Ugh. Both made sense. “Well, our birthdays are three months apart, give or take a few years, so we could still do quarterly. I just figured the Terran equinoxes and solstices, because they align with pretty big Terran holidays in most cultures and religions.”

“If you went with that, it would mean we could have the option of quiet birthdays,” she pointed out.

“That’s what I was kind of thinking,” I admitted. “I mean, what if we don’t feel like peopling on our own days?  We could still do that, in addition to the other four, but it wouldn’t feel mandatory.”

“I like it. That’s the solution.”

I grinned widely, happy with the compromise. Conor, however, waved his hand where everyone could see it. “For those of us who don’t have a mysterious psychic connection that even Noah says doesn’t exist, what exactly are your themes going to be?”

“Spicy, simple, protein, vegetarian, and soup,” Tyche and I answered in unison.  While it wasn’t intentional, we managed to stifle our surprise and laughter to make it look like we had done it on purpose.

Antoine looked thoughtful before nodding. “That does, actually, make the most sense.  Those are such severe distinctions, excluding the soup, that there should be no difficulty with anyone having a definitive preference.”

I thought about that briefly. “Yeah, I know ‘soup’ feels like a stuck on category.  But I genuinely know people who hate it, and also some who will eat any soup or stew you put in front of them.  It’s about the food touching, the flavors combining, and so on.”

Maverick was the one to back me up on that bit of information. “Derek will probably rank soup as either first or second, especially if you go by the strict culinary definition.  For someone who doesn’t like mushy food, he practically loses his mind if you give him a bisque.  It’s crazy.”

<< Prev  Masterlist  Next >>

[lilibetts]

The Wicked Forest Awaits You...

For Tricks and Treats of Riverdale, Theme 3: Seasonal Celebrations (Haunted House)

Rated E(xplicit) for some wicked fun!

Darkness falls across the land The midnight hour is close at hand Creatures crawl in search of blood To terrorize y'all's neighborhood And whosoever shall be found Without the soul for getting down Must stand and face the hounds of hell And rot inside a corpse's shell

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight I'm gonna thrill ya tonight Ooh, babe I'm gonna thrill ya tonight

The Wicked Forest was reportedly “the most un-hinged haunted attraction in Riverdale”. 

Betty had shown up as soon as the sun went down, and she still spent an hour waiting in line. Alone, of course. Every one of her friends would rather spend Halloween getting drunk at an off-campus party than indulging in the spooky atmosphere. Granted, she hadn’t actually told anyone where she would be going tonight, because the Wicked Forest was firmly in the Southside and as much as some people in the Northside liked to brag or bluster, very few had the guts to actually cross the boundary lines.

That she had gave Betty an illicit thrill.

This year, she’d dressed up as a zombie schoolgirl: hair spray painted gray in a side ponytail to match her torn, bloody white blouse and desaturated gray plaid miniskirt. The face makeup was the most fun to apply, all those Youtube tutorials coming in handy. Gray foundation to give herself a deathly pallor on all expanses of exposed skin, black raccoon eyes, fleshy red ‘gouges’ on the side of her face, and dark red lipstick. 

She wondered what her friends would think if they knew she was actually dressing sexy for once. They probably wouldn’t believe it. 

A haunted house on Halloween was hardly the place to pick up a date, but for Betty, who had been gradually building up her confidence to sign up for Tinder, wearing knee-high white socks and no underwear made her feel like a bold, sexy woman.

“Betty?” a familiar baritone called out from behind her. She turned around and a guy she didn’t immediately recognize waved at her. “Hey.”

Squinting, she took in the mop of black hair and the slim body in a black-and-white skeleton shirt, leather jacket, black jeans and boots, and the skeleton face paint. “Jughead? Is that you? You look amazing!”

“Thanks. So do you.”

Jughead Jones had shared a few classes with her over the past two years. At first, Betty had found him and his voice annoying. She couldn’t be sure at what point over the past two years her feelings had evolved into a massive, uncontrollable crush. Naturally, in true Betty Cooper fashion, she didn’t have the guts to try and make a move and would rather throw herself into the vicissitudes of online hookups. 

Jughead ran a hand covered in fingerless gloves through his hair. “Do you want to go through together?”

“Sure!” She could’ve kicked herself for her bobblehead impersonation then. “So have you gone through this one before?”

“Twice as a guest, but I’ve worked it several times as well.”

“Really? What kind of characters did you play?”

“I did mostly forest work—a Jason Vorhees/Leatherface composite type with a hockey mask and chainsaw. One year I got to be a werewolf.” Jughead sounded more bashful than proud when he admitted that.

“I bet it was fun...I prefer to be on the receiving end of scares, though.”

“Unless it’s one of Chipping’s essay prompts,” he quipped.

Betty groaned and smacked his arm. “Don’t remind me. The last one was so stupid, wasn’t it? ‘Write your own ending to prove there’s no single way to tell a story...but’—”

“—’but I’m still going to pick a winner in the end!’” they both chorused, laughing at their shared derision.

After that they were quickly engrossed in a debate about the best Halloween movies to watch during the buildup to the holiday. Jughead’s preferences ran more towards the older classics and Hitchcock, Betty’s more towards relatively recent films like Hocus Pocus, The Addams Family, and Practical Magic.

Oddly enough, she discovered they both loved the cult hit Ginger Snaps. 

By the time they were at the head of the line, Betty was sure her blush was showing through the heavy makeup.

The general order of the Wicked Forest went like this: haunted house, a maze that led to the shed, a bridge over the creek, then the forest proper.

The baseboards creaked as they crossed into the dilapidated house; maniacal laughter and screams could be heard faintly in the distance. A ghostly apparition dressed like a long-dead bride lit up in the corner of the living room, moaning as its arm raised, pointing a finger at them. Betty gasped and hugged the wall as she moved into the kitchen, Jughead following close by. 

Smoky fog covered the floor, pouring from cauldrons. Made from dry ice, probably, and lit up by green lights. A witch cackled as she stirred her brew. In the corners, cages descended from the ceiling, people in them reaching out and begging for help.

She shared a wide smile with Jughead.

In the bathroom, they found a bloated dead body with red hair, dressed in all white, floating in the tub. “Disturbingly realistic,” Betty muttered to herself. In the dining room, a young woman was suspended up on the wall with long knives sticking out of her body. ‘All those who escaped me before will die’ was scrawled in blood around her body.

“I think she was in our English class last year,” Jughead whispered to Betty, her stomach queasy from the excitement.

They were herded into the basement, where they discovered that in order to get to the other side, they would have to go through a gauntlet of secret society members in dark hooded robes. A red carpet highlighted their path. After they’d taken a few steps past the first hooded figures, they all stepped forward, giving Betty and Jughead less space to escape. As if reading each other’s minds they moved faster, only for the hooded figures to step closer and closer.

One jumped into their path, exposing a Scream mask. Betty was not at all mortified by her little yelp of fright. Not at all.

From there, they were in a cool cellar with a dimly lit tunnel rising up to ground level outside. Cobwebs covered the top and sides and as soon as she spotted the giant spider on top, she had a feeling she knew what was coming. Sure enough, as soon as they passed underneath, the spider dropped onto their heads. Betty shrieked and ran the rest of the way through. 

“Oh my god, oh my god!”

Jughead was clearly laughing at her expense as they emerged outside. “What, are you scared of spiders, Cooper?” he teased her.

“Shut it, Jones.” She snapped back without heat. “Why are you even going through the attraction if it bores you?”

“Oh, it’s never boring. Maybe I’m just enjoying it more with you.”

She felt like she was back in sixth grade again. Should she pass him a note asking ‘do you like-like me? Circle y/n’?

Betty was grateful for the absurdly long lead time in between guests. It meant she wasn’t running into the group ahead or the group behind, like in most other haunted attractions she’d attended over the years.

As they entered the shed, the walls and floor tilted, disorienting her. Then Jughead was there, hand slipping into hers as he helped guide her to more even ground. Even after the floorboards started vibrating underneath them, neither let go of the other. Betty laughed with delight as they pushed through the heavy plastic curtains into an open space occupied by a scene out of a medical horror: a conscious, moaning woman was strapped down on a gurney while a man in a bloody doctor’s mask and lab coat performed what looked like a lobotomy on her, bits of brain matter leaking outside her head. Her chest was held open by a spreader, the bloody mass of her internal organs on display.

“Ew, ew, ew!” Betty stomped her feet and pushed Jughead onwards faster. “Too real!”

The trees pressed in on them more as the manmade pathway guided them to the small bridge that would take them across the creek and into the thick of the forest. Part of the way across, a small golden light came on in the distance, drawing her attention to the side. A hulking body unfolded itself before howling at the night sky above.

Betty didn’t realize Jughead was right behind her until her back was pressed into his front and his hands gripped her hips. She turned her head without taking her eyes off the werewolf. “Your old job?”

“Yeah, me and Fangs used to partner during this bit.”

“Partner?”

A dark shape darted in between the bridge railings, grabbing at her ankles. Jughead’s giggles were almost as loud next to her ear as her startled shrieks before she took off to the other side. She had to remind herself to breathe deeply and calm herself down while they moved on.

Maybe it was the near pitch black of the forest that made her brave, but Betty reached out and slid her hand back in Jughead’s. They shared shy smiles that made hope bloom inside her. 

There was a decrepit school bus sitting right there in the middle of the trees. Not sinister at all. Jughead made a gallant ‘after you’ motion, sweeping low with his bow. Betty fanned herself and simpered, “such a gentleman!”

“Nonsense! I’m merely ensuing you die first, my dear.” His upper crust British accent was atrocious.

“You sounded like Niles Crane from Frasier.”

She forced herself to stop snickering as she stepped up into the bus. At first glance, all the people in the seats were dead or otherwise inanimate. Carefully, she made her way down the narrow aisle, hugging her arms to herself in anticipation of the movement she knew must be com—

“AH! FUCK!” 

Betty twisted around and saw Jughead pressed up against seats opposite a softly hooting ghoul still reaching out for him with gnarled fingers. 

At the front, a burly man wearing a black balaclava stood up suddenly, facing them with an enormous, shiny knife. The momentary relief on Jughead’s face morphed to fear and Betty didn’t have to be told twice as they booked it out of the bus, one more monstrous figure trying to impede their progress.

“So much for the unflappable Jughead Jones,” she started after they caught their breath and made sure the man in the black hood wasn’t following them any longer.

“Har har, I am humbled.”

After that point, the path became increasingly bumpy and overgrown and Betty couldn’t see well enough to stop herself from lurching to and fro. Jughead was right there by her side, using his arm around her waist to keep her from face-planting in the dirt. Given that she was wearing low block heels, she had no idea how some of the other guests were doing this in three inch stilettos.

Maybe it was their surroundings, maybe it was Jughead’s touch that was responsible for her heart continuing to pound wildly. Branches closed in on them before they exited into a small clearing. A fire roared in a pit, the sudden brightness making her eyes hurt and eclipsing what was happening along the treeline. 

“Whoa,” Jughead murmured, alarmed, causing her to squint harder.

People had stepped into the firelight, wearing dark hooded sweatshirts and gray gargoyle masks. Growling could be heard behind them and when Betty and Jughead turned, an inhumanely tall figure stepped around the bushes, with a long robe, some kind of blooded animal skull mask with horns, branches for wings, and a necklace of bones.

The minions stepped closer, closing ranks menacingly. This time, it was Jughead who grabbed her hand and tugged her past the leader and the wooden placard that proclaimed that the creature was the Gargoyle King, and back into the dark forest.

They stumbled along for another minute before Jughead muttered something to himself that sounded vaguely like “ah, fuck it”. 

He led her over to the rope boundary that made up the path and stepped over it.

“What are you doing?”

“Shh! I know this place like the back of my hand. It’s just the lame clown shit ahead. Do you trust me?”

Betty didn’t know about trust, but she was totally down for whatever they might get up to out there. Alone. “Hmm-mm,” she nodded and stepped carefully over the rope too. Together they made their way down a slope and around a cluster of bushes.

She found herself pressed back against a thick tree trunk, warm lips on hers, and the sounds of excited screams nearby reminding her that they weren’t alone. Betty raised up onto her tiptoes and pulled Jughead closer as she kissed him all the more eagerly. 

The heat of his hands could be felt through her shirt while he cupped her breasts, making her tilt her head back to moan.

“Shhh,” he whispered softly this time before dotting soft kisses along her neck.

Their face makeup must be horribly messed up by now but Betty didn’t care. She wanted to take him back to her dorm room, or go to his, and do all the wicked things she’d been fantasizing about.

A little exhibitionism was fun, though.

By the time Jughead slipped his hands underneath her skirt and discovered her little secret, she was incredibly wet. Wet enough for him to let out a quiet expletive and a shuddering sigh as his fingers glided along her inner lips. He quickly removed his glove and slid two up into her, stroking slowly before rubbing steady circles over her clit. Back and forth he went, until she was groaning and bucking her hips against his hand as she came embarrassingly fast.

Apparently haunted houses make for excellent foreplay.

Reaching for the button of his jeans,Betty ignored his protests of “you don’t have to”. It was her turn to shush him as she lowered herself onto her knees and took him into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the head of his shaft to get him nice and wet. Jughead did his best to not thrust into her mouth and his panting breaths were harsh in the relative silence of the night. He lost control towards the end, she could feel him shaking as his hips canted forward and salty wetness burst onto her tongue. 

Veronica was definitely not going to believe her when she told her what she’d done tonight.

They held hands and grinned broadly as they rejoined the path behind another group. When a tall, demented clown caught sight of them in the intense blue light, he groaned and ripped off his mask. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Jones? Were you two fucking off-path? Fucking seriously?”

Jughead only offered his friend a careless shrug. “Hey Sweets, how’s tricks?”

Betty, however, pressed closer against his side and smiled serenely up at the taller man. “Because I’ve already gotten the treat.”

‘Sweets’ groaned at the pun and waved them on. “Just get out of my forest, you freaks.”

They snickered as they made it to the end where a flatbed full of bales of hay was hooked up to a tractor, waiting to take them back around to the entrance. Jughead glanced over at her then, and Betty had to bite back another laugh. His makeup pretty much announced to everyone what they’d been up to, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Orgasms and finally hooking up with your crush would do that.

“So, would it be too weird for me to ask if you wanted to go out to lunch with me this weekend?”

(His answer was an immediate and resounding yes.)

[vrenaewrites]

HUSH HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick thoughts: Ch 12 - end

Full video here.

CHAPTER 12

Nora’s mom is on her way home

Nora goes to visit V

“I love drugs” LMAO

She goes into a diatribe about her doctor only eating easter candy i’m crying

It was a guy!!! He had dark eyes and he was wearing a ski mask!!!!!

After thought: was jules just manipping them SO HARD they couldn’t keep a grip on what the ski masked person looked like? If so...why keep wearing a ski mask as your calling card??

V had told elliott they were going shopping

Nora tells V about hitting the guy in the ski mask

Ooh nora told patch about shopping too!!!!

Too short and too skinny to be elliott though

V is like “the more i think about it, i really think it was patch”

Nora doesn’t get a chance to tell V about elliott before the drugs kick in hard

“I brought your homework, where do you want it?” she pointed to the trash can LMAO V IS THE BEST

She goes home and hugs her mom

CHAPTER 13

She and V go to borderline where patch works to get info from his coworkers

Nora is sweaty lmao

Nora literally wrote interrogations on one side of a piece of paper and flirting prompts on the other side this girl is ridiculous

V brought slutty heels to make Nora more seductive I’m dead

V invited Jules and Elliott...she’s been seeing Jules

Nora goes to tell V about Elliott but he shows up before she can

Jules doesn’t show up

Nora is like so Elliot if the prep school is so great why did you transfer basically challenging this potential murderer

Elliott is like “heard the girls were hotter at your school”

I am beyond confused as to why V invited these guys who know who Nora is, but also expects Nora to put on a whole ass disguise in the bathroom and go talk to the bartender… Why would you invite these guys along? This just makes it way more difficult…

Nora goes to the bartender and tries to make conversation; is terrible at it, basically asks him is it possible to get hired here with a felony, can I see patch’s job application, does patch have a girlfriend?

Patch is covering a shift so he is NOT off as originally expected

Patch confronts her in the girl’s bathroom and he’s like “are you following me?” POT KETTLE BITCH

She goes to take the high heels off and drops the list of interrogation questions and patch picks it up and I am nervous

Patch had a girlfriend but she’s dead

Gonna call it: she’s the girl who was hanged at kinghorn that Elliott was questioned about

Chapter 14

Her mom “Blinked owlishly” excuse me??

Nora’s mom wants to sell their house because it’s too much $

So Nora decides not to tell mom about the ski mask guy

She asks her mom about knowing if she loved dad and if she was ever afraid of dad

When the pats lost her dad would chop down trees with a chainsaw lmaoooooo what

Nora‘s mom says “ooh a boy is he on chess team? Student council? Tennis team?”

And Nora says… He likes pool… and her mom says “ooh a swimmer” LMAO

Someone ripped her room APART

It’s the ski mask guy!!!!! He jumped out the window

One of the cops looks like patch…

Nothing is messed up when the cops look at the room…

Is Nora going insane or is it angel shit

Unfortunately I think this book would be so much more interesting if I didn’t already know that patch was a fallen angel and I don’t know if that’s my bad for trying to fine just like a quick summary of what the book was about on the Internet, or if like the back of the book let you know that this is about an angel… I mean the cover let you know it’s about an angel but I would’ve thought these dudes are like…serial killers or something and that Nora had some kind of mental issue or they had messed with her iron supplements to make her go nuts…Which might’ve been more interesting than whatever is going on here

Chapter 15

Nora finally tells V about the article and v doesn’t believe her

Nora thinks that she has a great point because Elliot transferred schools after he was questioned… I’m sure it was really hard to keep going to school with people who knew you were a murder suspect...so…

Nora wants to go to kinghorn and question the students about elliott

The fact that this all somehow ties back to fallen angels is really pissing me off because we are halfway through it, and we have not even really from Nora’s point of you introduced the idea of Angels

Nora is suddenly like why the fuck is Jules always sick

Also how is he always around if kinghorn is such a difficult school

Nora realizes the article that she printed about Elliot was missing from her room after the ski mask guy broke in so now she is convinced Skimask guy is Elliot

I will say that I have absolutely no idea where this is going so it is keeping my attention because again I don’t understand how this is going to tie back to angels and why the girl died and etc.

Coach makes V and Patch switch places

“I didn’t do homework” “who did you do?” Bro come on

“The subjects pulse increased on contact”

She goes to her appointment with Miss Green and somehow Miss Green knows that patch took her home from the pier and that patch went into her house what the fuck is going on

I really really really hope that all of this weird shit comes together in the last like five chapters and I end up like screaming OH DUH putting all this together… But because this was recommended as part of my cringe series, I have a very strong feeling that is not going to happen and all of this means nothing

“something about Miss Green bothered me, it was almost like she had an agenda“ yeah bitch she knew a guy took you to your house and came inside, she is stalking you

Chapter 16

Nora runs into Marcy at the library and basically Marcy says V got attacked because someone mistake her for a bear or a moose because she’s fat, and then they have a name calling back-and-forth of skank, slut, anorexic pig like real vile shit

Nora goes to the underground tunnel to get to the parking lot even though...she didn’t drive…

Patch is in the tunnel

“His smile looked like he didn’t play by the rules”

She immediately is like “if he’s gonna rape me he cornered me in the perfect place” JESUS

I mean all women think like that in a dark space but she likes this guy and they go to school together and...damn that was a jump!

Nora gets a car between them and they have like a run around while she’s asking him questions

“Was it a coincidence that the last normal day in my life had been right before that fateful day?” Editor fight me

She lets him take her home again

I am starting to feel like we are back to after, where the same things keep happening over and over for no reason… She was so determined to get answers and then she let it go because he turned the conversation on her...she should’ve just held her ground and then like I am not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on, but she didn’t, so does she care or not

He asks her out…

Chapter 17

She is so infuriating, she’s getting ready for this date but thinking about kissing him rather than thinking about getting answers on if this dude is stalking her / reading her mind...it’s so frustrating

The detectives show up

Asking about Marcy…?

Marcy got beat up!!!! By patch??

She lies that patch isn’t on his way

They go to the arcade

He’s behind her showing her how to play pool fuck yeah

He’s like “if I hit this, take off your jacket”

A guy named Rickson shows up, him and patch start roughhousing and we see patch’s giant back scars

They call him patch because he used to get his ass beat in bar fights and had to get patched up a lot lmao

Chapter 18

He leaves her in the Jeep while he gets dinner and she goes sleuthing

So in chapter 18 she is saying she would settle for finding his cell phone number but...she called him at Boze arcade in like the third chapter so what number was that, did you not write it down once you washed it off your hand, or was that the arcades phone... why do you not have his phone number anymore

He has a metal flashlight with blood on it in his glove compartment, making Nora think he had beat up Marcy after all

I swear to God, if he gets back in the car and she starts getting horny for him after finding this flashlight I am not gonna finish this book I am going to quit

He pulled out a gun?!?!?!?!!?!?!???!?!?

Paintball gun. He says it’s paint on the flashlight?? Sure Jan

He gives her a snow globe of the pier, cute!

Mom catches them lmaooo

Chapter 19

So Nora is on the phone with V and she’s like how did the date go with patch and Nora said something about him giving her pool pointers and he says I bet he could give you pointers in other areas… And then the next sentence is V trying to convince Nora once again that patch is the one who broke her arm… So… Why the fuck do you want your best friend to fuck the guy who broke your arm????????

Nora realizes that the angels that were painted on the roller coaster have the same scar that patch has

“My voice was strewn with cobwebs” huh?????

She goes on their home computer to google “angel wings scars” LMAO why did every girl in a YA novel in the early 2000s google what their monster boyfriend was

Info dump re angels: they talk to humans in their minds, can possess them during the unholy Hebrew month

“I filed everything away that I had just read in my mind, and stamped ‘scary’ on the outside“ lmao

“V, do you believe in superheroes? Do you think the Bible is real?”

Chapter 20

Elliott is at her house...drunk

He punches the side of her house

He invites her to go camping with him Jules and V...after he acknowledges she doesn’t like him

He rips her out of the house and throws her against it when she says she doesn’t wanna go

Thank god her mom wakes up

V tries to talk Nora into going, and Nora tells her what happened at the house, and V is like “well he was drunk”

Insert pic of unamused Kristen Stewart face

PLEASE tell me she’s being controlled by the angel powers because wtf

“Maybe you’re trying so hard to pin the ski mask on Elliott because you know it’s patch deep down” she’s not wrong tho patch is also a terrible dude who is stalking(?) her

Nora goes to Portland to investigate Elliott, and kierstens death

She throws away her questions this time, smart

She interrogates the waitress at kierstens old job, who is NOT amused but agrees to tell her some tea if she gets food and tips her big

Kiersten and Elliott were hooking up

Elliott bought kierstens apartment so he def coulda planted the note

Elliott and Jules were in the restaurant talking about a test that Jules has failed...I get the feeling it wasn’t academic

Chapter 21

Someone’s watching herrrr

V is in Portland with Elliott…? But she’s alone...she wants Nora to come get her

Red flag

She gets hustled by a homeless woman for her coat

She left her phone in the coat

She witnesses a shooting...of the bag lady...who was wearing her coat and hat!!!!!!!!!!

She calls patch and he comes to get her

V went home with the boys

“The water was smooth black poison” wut

The Jeep dies on the highway and a storm rolls in

Chapter 22

They get a room to wait out the storm because the lights and phones are down

She still is like wary of him but she doesn’t really have a choice at this point, fair.

Also, favorite trope: there’s only one bed

Her clothes are wet so she makes him blow out the candles so he can’t see her in her underwear….

She touches his scar and gets sucked into blackness?!?!

Chapter 23

There are 8 chapters left and I have a BAD feeling that we’re in sequel bait territory

She’s in like a flashback from 8 months ago

Miss green meets patch at bo’s, he calls her Daubria

“Your kind and my kind don’t mix” she’s an angel and he’s a fallen one, I just know it “it’s not easy getting down here”

“If you save a human life, you can get your wings back”

“Now tell me why you’re really here”

Something about the book of Enoch and him wanting to recreate it

He wants a name from her list since she’s a death angel

Daubria says Nora’s name and patch asks who wants to kill her and Daubria says, “you”

So…..if he stops himself….he can get his wings?

She comes back and patch pins her to the bed, pissed

So she has just found out that he wants to kill her, he has her pinned to the bed, and she asks “is Daubria your girlfriend???” Why do you literally care and why do you not have any self-preservation skills

He kisses her?!?!

She bites the shit out of his lip

He did try to kill her on the archangel but couldn’t do it, he was gonna stab her in her house, couldn’t do it

She’s passing out because she needs her iron pills

He calms her down

He lets her touch his scars again so she’ll trust him

Chapter 24

She wakes up next to a skeleton in a graveyard

The Irish guy is talking to patch there

Patch wants to become human, as he heard in the book of Enoch

She comes back

Patch feels through a “sheet of glass” unless he possess a body

Patch is the angel from the prologue I think

“If you can’t feel, why did you kiss me?” “Because I can feel it in my heart”

He fell because he lusted after a human girl

He didn’t know Daubria was still on earth…

She now thinks Daubria is the ski mask person

Chapter 25

Patch goes to get the car and leaves Nora there

They get her home and patch checks the house for her

V doesn’t answer her phone

Daubria is there!!

She says she isn’t the one who has been spying

She planted the idea in V’s mind that patch attacked her

Her birthmark means she’s Chauncey’s descendant, and the book says if patch killed his vassal’s descendant he can be human (according to Daubria)

She goes to kill Nora so she’ll be out of the way

Daubria is v hurt by him falling and “falling” for the human girl

Daubria goes full angel, using tk, glowing, trying to stop Nora

Daubria sets the house on fire

Patch comes back and tells her to drive his Jeep to Delphic

She starts to search for V in the meantime

Chapter 26

She goes to the movies and gets a ticket for the sacrifice, remarking on the irony of the title

V isn’t at the movies

But patch is?!?!

“Shut up or I’ll get security” “yeah, get security, this guy wants to kill me” “I want to kill you”

“I’ll tell you what I’ve done: I’m not good, but I was worse”

He’s now saying she’s worth falling for basically

“I don’t kill people who are important to me, and you top the list”

Patch ripped daubria’s wings off

“Let’s be honest, you got it bad for me, and I’ve got it bad for you.”

“You don’t need me to help you fight her.” “What do I need you for?” “We have unfinished business”

They making OUT in this theater bathroom

Her phone rings, V and the guys broke into school, and Elliott says “Nora come play or there’s a tree in the courtyard with V’s name on it”

Listen. To. Me. If these two plots have nothing to do with each other, I am going to rip my hair out. These could have been 2 different books.

Chapter 27

She tells patch about the article

Patch says he doesn’t remember Jules being at the arcade…

Jules is an angel I bet

The jeeps tires are slashed so they pay an employee to take his car

He tells Nora to stay in the car

Chapter 28

Elliott calls Nora and says he’s watching her

Nora GETS OUT OF THE CAAAAAAR

AND GOES INTO THE SCHOOL NORA HE TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING GET OUT

Nora tripped over Jules’ dead body…

Elliott is in the library, basically dead…

The lights keep going on and off…

The ski mask person is here!!!!!!!

IT IS JULES?!?!

He’s an angel!!!! Called it, He’s been fucking with her mind

He throws her in the bio room, and she sees a scalpel on the ground and grabs it

Jules was Elliott’s benefactor and made him choose between love and money…

Jules really wanted patch, but patch can’t be hurt...so he’s using Nora to get to him

Jules is patch’s vassal!!!!! So he’s fucking PISSED

HE IS CHAUNCEY!!!!!!

The guardian presence she felt wasn’t her dad, it was Jules

She stabs him, but bumps a table as she tries to escape…

He passes out

Chapter 29

She finds V in the e-zine lab

All the doors are chained…

She ends up trapped in the gym

Jules has a gun!!!!

He beat up Marcy because he didn’t want anyone messing with “his girl”

Patch finds them, Jules holds her at gun point, patch possesses Nora to beat the SHIT out of Jules

He couldn’t stay long enough to kill Jules, and the effort made him pass out

She climbs up the air shaft despite being afraid of heights and Jules is fucking with her, making her think she’s falling

Patch helps her anchor to reality

They’re both on the rafters

She realizes if she sacrifices herself, patch can be human

She throws herself off the rafter

Chapter 30

She hears a clock and wings, but then she slides backwards instead

She wakes up in her bedroom, with patch

Patch turned down her sacrifice so she could live

“What good is a body if I can’t have you?”

He’s a guardian angel because he saved her

V and Elliott are fine

The police think Jules killed himself

V says “shoe-shopping therapy” instead of retail therapy why

The book ends with patch coming back to give her a kiss...boring

There’s an exchange that’s the last sentence of the book where he pulls away and she’s like “more” “more?” “more”

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//Big Fun

March 1st 2019. Dear Diary, which is just my inner monologue as I walk to school. I believe I’m a good person. You know, there’s good in everyone, and here we are! I was asked by Kevin to help him with his new musical. Heathers! Hence this format of inner monologue. I thought I’d get in the mood. Anyway, today is the first day of rehearsal! And well, I’m nervous. I looked at the cast list and saw that Sweet Pea was JD, perfect casting by the way. Well done Kevin. Anyway, I have liked Sweet Pea since the students from Southside High were transferred, however as I arrive with ten minutes to spare and look around the other kids that I’ve known all my life. I realize, none of them know me. So how’s he going to? What happened. 

“Freak!” A footballer shouts at someone. 

“Slut!” Another one shouts at someone on the River Vixens. 

“Burnout!” Is heard from the end of the corridor, quickly followed by...

“Bug-eyes.” 

“What kind of insult is that?” I mumbled and get bumped into. 

“Poser.” Is heard from a classroom, but I’m pretty sure that was from a teacher. 

“Lard-ass.” Yep, definitely a teacher. 

Thinking back, I remember how tiny we were. So happy and shiny. Me and Archie would play tag, and I remember he would do anything not to get chased. 

“Freak! Slut! Loser!” They are thrown around like people’s actual names and you can’t help but shake your head. 

Singing and clapping. Laughing and napping. Baking cookies, eating paste. It was mainly Reggie who would eat the glue paste. 

“Stuck up!” Your thoughts are interrupted when you realize that you’ve walked in on somebody’s argument. But like everybody else, they don’t notice you and just continue to argue. 

Then we got bigger, that was the trigger. 

“Sorry.” You apologize when you bump into someone. 

“Get the fuck out of my way.” They reply and push past you. 

Welcome to my school, this ain’t no high school. This is the Thunder-dome. Just hold your breath Y/n and count the days. Graduation is soon. College will be paradise, if I’m not dead by June.

“Trailer park trash!” A footballer shouts. 

“Shut the fuck up!” A familiar voice shouts back and you look up. Sweet Pea is stood just in front of you looking angry as normal. 

But I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray, for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful...

“Ow!” Fangs complains after being pushed over. 

“Just not today.” You sigh. 

“Y/n!” Evelyn interrupts your thoughts. 

“Yeah?” You asked. 

“Kevin told me to haul your ass to the auditorium.” 

“Sure.” You smiled and linked with her. She may be weird but Evelyn seemed nice enough, and she was the only person who seemed to actually notice you, apart from Kevin.  You made your way to the auditorium with Evelyn, who was rambling beside you. Once you got there, the main cast was already seated and waiting so you decided you would sit next to Evelyn. Kevin smiled at you before diverting his attention to the group. 

“Greeting Heathers family.” He started. “Before we start today, there’s been a slight change to our creative team. You all know Evelyn Evernever has been helping me produce the musical.” He smiled at her and everyone sighed. “But I’ve also asked Evelyn to step up and be my co-director.” He finished and everyone looked at each other confused. She stood up, and walked towards the front, stopping beside Kevin. 

“Yay.” She laughed slightly. “So fun!” 

“What? Kevin. No you always direct the musical alone.” Betty argued. 

“Which has been incredibly stressful, Betty. Especially after last year’s events.” 

“Can we just not talk about Midge, please?” Fangs asked and Kevin nodded. 

“Good idea. Let me introduce someone else. Everyone, this is Y/n.” He pointed at you and you waved awkwardly. “She’s helping me plan and sort of direct. She’s a fan of Heathers so she’s here to help you with any questions or stage directions. Stuff like that. Now, how about we do a rundown of everybody’s parts, catch Evelyn and Y/n up to speed?” 

“I’m playing Veronica Sawyer.” Josie started with a smile. “Outcast, turned Heather, turned outcast again.” 

“Hi, I’m Sweet Pea.” He introduced himself and you felt your heart skip a beat. “Um, I’m playing JD, Veronica Sawyers bad-boy love interest.” He sighed. 

“Reggie Mantle” Reggie interrupted. “Aka, jock Ram Sweeney. Gonna bro it up with my bud Arch, here. Just two single straight dudes, doing some theater.” He grabbed Archie and you and Sweet Pea rolled your eyes. Archie and Josie looked at each other awkwardly before looking at Kevin again. 

“Given how much dancing there is in Heathers, Evelyn and I felt we should bring on a choreographer, so, give a big Heathers hello to Riverdale’s resident Fly Girl, Toni Topaz!” Everyone but Cheryl clapped.  

“Um, does anyone have a chainsaw? Because what the...” 

“Cheryl!” Kevin interrupted. “I know you’s two have some issues right now but I really want this to work so please don’t start anything.” Kevin pleaded and she glared at Toni. 

“Fine!” She agreed. 

“Great. Lets run Candy Store! Y/n! You wanna help.” He asked and you nodded. 

It was the end of the rehearsal and nothing had gone that well. Cheryl and Toni went rouge causing Kevin to have a breakdown. 

“Everyone stop! None of you are listening to Y/n. She’s here to help. She knows what you have to do. You have to listen to her.” 

“No offense, but nobody really knows who she is.” Reggie replied. 

“How is that not offensive?” Sweet Pea asked. 

“I know a way we can get to know her better.” Cheryl smiled deviously. 

“What are you doing?” Veronica asked. 

“I’m in the mood for chaos. Time to go back to the better version of me. Before my heart was broken.” She replied, before Veronica or Betty could say anything Cheryl had already stepped towards you. “Come to the party tonight.” Cheryl smiled at you. 

“Me?” You asked. 

“Of course. You’re one of us now.” 

“Oh-” 

“Cheryl, do you really think this is a good idea?” Josie interrupted you. 

“Of course. Now back off. She’s one of us isn’t she? Why wouldn’t she come?” She asked rhetorically and everyone looked around. “So its settled. Bring alcohol.” She told you before walking away, Betty and Veronica following her quickly. You looked around confused, you were never invited to parties, to be honest nobody knew you existed until this musical. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You could hear the music from the party down the street so you were not looking forward to how loud it would be when you actually got to party. However you pushed that to the side, you were gonna have fun tonight, so you looked at the sparkling cider in your hand (it was the only thing you could find in the house) and walked into the house, to see that half of the people were already drunk. 

“My dad says I have to act my age.” Reggie complained as you walked past him. 

“You heard the man. It’s time to rage!” Archie replied and Reggie cheered. Hugging him drunkly before making their way over to the stereo. 

“Blast the bass!” A footballer shouted and Archie turned the music up. You were’t entirely sure if it could have gone any louder. Maybe this was a bad idea, you don’t fit in here. 

“Maybe I should just go home.” You mumbled and started to walk out of the living room.  

“Y/n! Turn out the light!” Archie shouted and you stopped, looking at him confused. He motioned to the light switch behind you and you flipped it off, leaving the room lit by cheap disco lights. 

“Ain’t nobody home tonight!” Reggie shouted and everyone cheered, holding their drinks up. 

“Can we smoke in here?” Fangs asked. 

“Drink, smoke, it’s all cool.” He replied. “Hey! Veronica. Lets get naked in my pool!” He made his way over to Veronica, bumping into Sweet Pea. Holy shit, Sweet Pea’s here. Like actually here, at a party, with you. 

“What the fuck dude?” Sweet Pea asked, looking down at his beer stained shirt. 

“Sorry.” Reggie slurred. “Didn’t see you there.” 

“How can you not see me?” Sweet Pea asked.

“I said I’m sorry man. Shut up.” He argued and Sweet Pea lunged at him. 

“Punch a wall Sweet Pea.” Josie shouted and he glared at her. 

“Oooo. Or start a fight!” Cheryl added. “Ain’t nobody home tonight!” 

“Josie. Reggie’s folks have a waterbed. Why don’t we go upstairs, rest your head.” He winked and Josie rolled her eyes. Reggie wrapped an arm around you and smiled. 

“Lets rub each other’s backs. While watching porn on Cinemax! Wait, sorry, you’re not Veronica.” 

“Yeah. I know.” You replied and shrugged him off you. 

“Who are you again? Actually doesn’t matter. I see Veronica!” He replied and wandered away. 

“The folks are gone!” Archie shouted, talking a break from making out with Josie. 

“Its time for big fun!” Everyone shouted. 

“Big fun?” You questioned. 

“We’re up till dawn!” Kevin cheered. 

“Having some big fun!” Fangs replied. 

“What the hell is big fun?” 

“When mom and dad forget...” Archie shouted. 

“To lock the liquor cabinet!” Cheryl interrupted and held up vodka bottles. 

“Its big fun!”

“Big fun?” You decided you would see what was going on in the kitchen because everyone in the living room was acting weird. However, there wasn’t much of a difference between the two rooms. 

“Ok, ok, ok, So its salt, and then lime, and then shot?” Evelyn asked. 

“No, its, salt, and then-” Veronica started. 

“You’re doing it wrong!” Cheryl interrupted, pushing past you. 

“Really? Cause I feel great.” She replied. 

“Yes. You dimwit.” She rolled her eyes. “Come on girls.” She pulled them out the kitchen, and you moved out of their way. Standing in the kitchen, alone, you took a deep breath. 

“Y/n. You are looking good tonight!” Sweet Pea complimented and you blushed. 

“Whoa.” You mumbled. 

“Can you pass me that beer please?” He asked. 

“Yeah. Sure.” You replied nervously and handed him it. He nodded at you before walking out, leaving you alone again. 

“A hot guy smiled at me. Without a trace of mockery!” You squealed excitedly, your nerves disappearing.  

“Oh hey Y/n.” Betty smiled at you. “I didn’t think you’d come.” She said and you shrugged. “Everyone’s high as a kite.” She complained. 

“Ain’t nobody home tonight.” Reggie interrupted and reached around her to get a drink. She rolled her eyes at him and he winked before leaving. 

“Stoned?” You asked. 

“Zoned.” She replied. 

“Maybe I should quit. I should go home.” 

“Hey, is that weed. I want a hit!” Kevin shouted from the living room. Betty groaned before walking into the living room. You decided to follow her to see what was happening, and you were not disappointed. 

“Fill that joint.” People chanted quietly. Fuck it, you thought. 

“And roll it tight!” You added. “Ain’t nobody home tonight!” You shouted and everyone cheered for what must have been the thousandth time. You looked around the room and saw Sweet Pea smiling at you. “Dreams are coming true. When people laugh but not at you. I’m not alone! I’m not afraid! I feel like Bono at LiveAid!” You said happily. 

“Huh?” Betty asked. 

“Nothing.” You shook your head. “The house is ours!” You changed the subject. 

“Its time for big fun!”

“Big fun!” You repeated. 

“Lets use their showers!” Archie suggested. 

“Why?” Betty asked. 

“Because you can fit loads of people in them.” 

“That sound like big fun!” Josie replied. Out the corner of your eye you could see Sweet Pea sigh, and look at the floor. 

“Big fun!” Fangs shouted. 

“What?” Cheryl asked. 

“Big fun!” 

“Crack open one more case!” Reggie shouted and pointed to where the beer was, however you were slightly put off them when you saw Archie and Josie practically dry humping on them. 

“I think thats what they call third base.” You mumbled. 

“Excuse me.” Sweet Pea squeezed past you. 

“Big fun!” 

“Big fun!” 

“Big fun!” People cheered as you made your way out of the house, narrowly avoiding a girl vomiting. 

“Alright, people, listen up. What is Riverdale High gonna do to Greendale High at Sundays game?” Archie shouted. 

“Gonna make ‘em go whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!” Reggie replied. 

“That doesn’t even make any sense.” Cheryl rolled her eyes. 

“Big fun!” He shouted back. 

“Big fun!” She repeated. 

Sweet Pea was sat on the curb when you found him. You sat beside him and he sighed. 

“Way to show maturity.” He sighed. 

“Huh?” You asked. 

“I said I wouldn’t get that upset about Josie and Archie and now I’m sat on the curb outside a northsiders party with someone that I don’t even know.” He complained and you winced at his use of words. 

“Were you not having big fun?” You asked with a smile. 

“Big fun.” He replied sarcastically. 

“Quit it jackass. Get off of me!” You heard Josie shout from inside, a few seconds later Archie ran out looking angry. 

“Its your fault she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend!” He shouted and you and Sweet Pea stood up. 

“What the fuck. Calm down.” You tried to reason. 

“Who even are you?” He asked. 

“Hey! Leave her alone.” Sweet Pea defended making you smile slightly. 

“This is not big fun.” You mumbled. Archie was starting to shout and you could tell Sweet Pea was trying not to punch him in the face. “Yo! Archie! Emergency! I just saw some Ghoulies sneaking over the pool fence!” He stopped ranting and looked at you before turning around. 

“I hate Ghoulies! Where are you little pricks! I’m coming for you!” He shouted as he ran to the backyard. 

“Hey, are you okay?” You asked and placed a hand on Sweet Pea’s shoulder. 

“I didn’t need your help.” He mumbled before storming back inside, you quickly followed him. 

“Aw, thanks, Evelyn, but I don’t really have to vomit right now.” Kevin said kindly and gave her a pill back. 

“The party’s hot, hot, hot!” Veronica shouted. 

“Its time for big fun!” 

“I’m sick of hearing the words big fun.” You grumbled and pushed past them so you could get to the living room. 

“You need a jello shot!” Sweet Pea said now much happier and wrapped an arm around you. You were worried about how much alcohol he had downed. 

“Thanks.” You smiled and took it off him. 

“We’re having big fun!” He shouted. 

“Big fun! I think we should take you to see Fangs.” You told him and started to pull him into the living room. 

“Toni Topaz, in the flesh.” Cheryl noticed. “Here comes the cootie squad.”

“We should-” 

“Shut up Betty!” 

“Sorry Cheryl!” 

“Look who’s with her.” Veronica pointed. “Oh my god! I can’t believe you actually came.”

“You brought her?” Cheryl asked Toni, and pointed at you. 

“What?” You both replied. 

“I’ve been here for ages. I’m getting Sweet Pea some water.” 

“Likely story. Showing up here took some guts. Time to rip them out.” She walked towards you and you backed up. “Nobody knows who you are, or what you’re actually doing here. If it wasn’t for Kevin you would still be unknown to us.” She continued and you looked at Sweet Pea. Everyone was staring at you and you wished you never agreed to come. “Oh. I get it. You like Sweet Pea? You think because Josie doesn’t want him, he might want you. How Sweet. But guess what. He’s a main part, and you’re just helping Kevin because you’ve seen Heathers too many times. Let me guess, you came here because you wanted to feel like you were apart of something. But guess what, if this was Heathers, you would definitely be Martha Dumptruck. A nobody, who wants to be like the popular people, but fails.” She finished, tears were flowing down your face and she smiled evilly at you. “But lets have some big fun.” You ran out. “See you on Monday!”  

“What the fuck was that?” Sweet Pea asked, now slightly more sober. “You do know this isn’t actually Heathers. we’re doing a school musical and you’re not actually Heather Chandler. You’re Cheryl Blossom, and she would never had been that cruel.” He shook his head and pushed past her. 

“Not cool Cheryl.” Betty added and everyone else agreed. 

“What’s your damage?” She asked angrily before storming out. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours had passed since you left the party and you couldn’t help but think about what Cheryl had said. She was right, you were the Martha Dumptruck even though she was a great character, but that was besides your point. You decided you would go for a walk to clear your head, and reflect on the last 30ish hours of freedom until you have to go back to school and face everyone. 

“The demon queen of high school has decreed it. She says Monday, 8am, I’ll be deleted.” You sighed. “They’ll hunt me down in study hall, stuff and mount me on the wall. 30ish hours to live how shall I spend them? I don’t have to stay and die like cattle. I suppose I could change my name and ride up to Seattle, but thats a lot of hassle and I don’t own a motorbike, or car, or any mode of transport.” You sighed, stopping outside Reggie’s house. 

The party was dying down but you could tell there was a few people still in there. You wondered if Sweet Pea was still there, and what had happened when you left. You and Sweet Pea had somewhat bonded during the rehearsal, however you were nervous about having to walk him through dead girl walking. You weren’t opposed to dry humping him but you would much rather do it in a bed than on stage in front of your classmates. You were pulled out of your thoughts when you phone buzzed. 

hi, this is sweet pea. i got you’re number from betty, are you okay? what cheryl said was out of line. do you wanna come over? i enjoyed talking to you today and i think we could both benefit from talking to each other again. 

You read and re-read the text over and over again. Holy fucking shit. He wants to see you! Fuck. Right. Okay. Calm down.  

Yeah! You replied and made your way to the trailer park. 

Trailer 17 :) He text back and you had to stop yourself from running. You got to the trailer park in record time and approached his trailer. However, you could see someone standing outside one of his windows. 

“I need it hard. I’m a dead girl walking.” They muttered to themselves. “Sweet Pea, I’m in your yard, I’m literally a dead girl walking.” 

Was that Josie? You wondered to yourself. 

“Before they, well Archie punches my clock, I’m snapping off your window lock. I’ve got no time to knock I’m a dead girl walking.” She opened the window and climbed in. Slowly you walked towards the door. 

“Josie? What are you doing in my room?” Sweet Pea asked confused.

“Shh.” She shushed him. “Sorry, but I really had to wake you.” 

“I’ve kinda got someone coming over.” He replied. 

“See, I decided I must ride you till I break you.” 

“Oh.” You and Sweet Pea said at the same. “Did you hear that?” Sweet Pea asked and tried to look out the window. Josie grabbed his face, so he was looking at her. 

“Archie says I gots to go. You’re my last meal on death row.” 

“Thats why you’re here.” He replied. 

“Shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities!” 

“Ha! Sweet Pea wears tighty-whities. Thats adorable.” You mumbled. 

“Come on Sweet Pea. Tonight I’m yours. I’m your dead girl walking. Get on all fours Sweet Pea, kiss this dead girl walking. Lets go.” She whined. “You know the drill. I’m hot...” 

“I’m pissed.” You mumbled angrily. 

“I’m on the pill. Bow down to the will of a dead girl walking.” 

“Josie. I’m supposed to be seeing someone.” He argued, but Josie cut him off by kissing him. He was surprised at first but then started to kiss back and you gasped. You turned and sat on the steps outside the trailer, wiping the tears from your face. 

“You know, you know, you know, its cause your beautiful. You say you’re numb inside, but I can’t agree.” You sighed. “So the worlds unfair.” You stood up and started to walk home. 

“Lets keep it locked out there. In here it’s beautiful. Lets make this beautiful.” Josie whispered in his ear. 

“That works for me.” Sweet Pea shrugged. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Yeah! Full steam ahead! Take this dead girl walking.” You sat on top of Sweet Pea. 

Monday had rolled around but you had managed to avoid literally everyone. However that changed once you got to rehearsal. Sweet Pea and Josie had tried to rehearse Dead Girl Walking but it came across as very rigid so Kevin sent you in to show them how to do it. Much to your dismay. Sweet Pea did ask why you didn’t turn up on Friday night so you told him that when you got there he seemed preoccupied so you just left.

“How’d you find my address?” He asked. 

“Lets break the bed, rock this dead girl walking.”

“I think you tore my mattress!” 

“No sleep tonight for you. Better chug that Mountain Dew.” 

“Okay, okay.” 

“Wow.” Cheryl interrupted and you got off Sweet Pea. Sweet Pea stood up and held a hand out to you to help. 

“What are you doing here?” Kevin asked. “You’re not in this part.” 

“I thought I’d see how the two star crossed lovers are doing. Turns out its a different pair. How does it feel, this is the closest you’ll ever get to doing anything with him.” She asked and you ran off. 

“Cheryl! Why are you such a bitch?” Sweet Pea asked and Cheryl gasped. 

“Excuse me hobo.” She stepped towards him. 

“I know you and Toni broke up but thats got nothing to do with any of us, especially her. Just because you’re hurting doesn’t mean you have to take it out on any of us. Now get your head out of your ass and go talk to Toni.” He ranted before running after you. 

“Y/n!” He called after you and you turned around. “Come here.” He pulled you into a hug. “They made you cry, well Cheryl did. But that will end tonight.” He reassured you, and kissed your head. You cried harder against his chest and he hugged you tighter. “You are the only thing that’s right about this broken world.” He complimented and you pulled away, your watery eyes meeting his brown ones. “Go on and cry, but when the morning comes, well more like when they kick us out, we’ll burn it down and then rebuild this world again.” He continued and you looked at him confused. “You’re getting that this is a metaphor right? That the world is gonna change for you. Hopefully for me too.” He added sadly. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, seeing the tears in his eyes. 

“I was alone after Josie left, and then came back, and then left again, you get the picture. I was a frozen lake, again, thats a metaphor, but then you melted me awake. When I saw you in the auditorium while Kevin was introducing you, I just couldn’t take my eyes of you. I knew that you were something special and something that I needed in my life. Shit.” He laughed bitterly. “Now I’m crying too.” He said and you laughed. “You’re not alone.” His hand was cupping your cheek while the other was on your hip. He leaned in, kissing you sweetly and you felt every cliche in every movie/book ever. You pulled away and smiled. 

“You’re not alone.” You replied and leaned in to kiss him again. 

“Sweet Pea!” Josie interrupted and he pulled away from you quickly. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can we talk?” She asked. 

“Um. Sure?” He shrugged and looked at you. “Sorry.” He mumbled before following her out of the room, leaving you alone. Again. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay. Where’s Josie!” Kevin asked stressed. Everyone looked around and shrugged. 

“I dunno.” Evelyn replied. 

“We’re missing Kurt/Archie too.” You informed him and he groaned. 

“So. What are we gonna do?” Sweet Pea asked. “We can’t do this without Josie.” 

“You can’t seem to do anything without Josie.” You mumbled. 

“Are you still pissed at me?” He asked. 

“Yes! How could I not be! I thought you liked me, but as soon as Josie wants you, you drop everything. I actually thought I belonged to a group and that people were taking an interest in me but half of you still don’t know my name and the rest of you treat me like shit! I thought you were different Sweet Pea. But you’re just like them.” You cried and stormed off.

“Great. I’ve got no Veronica, I’ve got no Ram and I’ve got no help! Sweet Pea! Stop pissing people off!” Kevin shouted, making Sweet Pea storm off. “Great. Fucking great.” He muttered. 

“Y/n!” He called after you once more. 

“What? What do you want Sweet Pea? I’m sick of playing these stupid games.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been so caught up in Josie that I completely forgot about what was right in front of me and I know that doesn’t make it any better, especially the way I treated you but I am really sorry. I’m just damaged. We all are. Please stop!”

“Fine!” You turned around angrily. “We’re ‘damaged’. Really ‘damaged’. But that does not make us ‘wise’. We’re not ‘special’, I’m certainly not. 

“Lets be normal, see bad movies. Sneak a beer and watch TV. We’ll bake brownies. Actually forget that, I’m a rubbish baker.” He said and you laughed, moving towards him. 

“We could go bowling? Don’t you want a life with me?” You asked. “Can’t we be seventeen?”

“Thats all I want to do. I know I haven’t been the best but if you could let me in, I could be good with you.” 

“People hurt us. You hurt me. Or they vanish.” 

“And you’re right, that really blows. But we let go, take a deep breath.” He smiled at you. 

“Then we’ll buy some summer clothes. We can go camping!” You said excitedly. 

“Play some poker.” He added and you raised your eyebrows. 

“And we’ll eat some chili fries. Although, I don’t think we could play poker in Pops.” 

“We’ll just go to the speakeasy.” He shrugged. “We could go to prom, maybe dancing.” 

“Don’t stop looking in my eyes.” You cupped his cheek. 

“Can’t we be seventeen?” You both asked the same time. 

“So what’s it gonna be? I wanna be with you.” Sweet Pea asked. 

“I wanna be with you.” 

“You’re loves too good to lose.” He pulled you closer, and kissed you. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

March 20th 2019. Dear diary/my inner monologue. Tonight is opening night. Three weeks ago Kevin asked me to help him with his production of Heathers, and three weeks ago my life changed. Cheryl apologized, begrudgingly after her and Toni got back together. And now I have a social life. I have also noticed that everyone has started to become kinder to each other which is a plus point! But the best thing to come out of this is-

“Babe? Are you okay?” Sweet Pea asked and kissed your cheek. 

“Yeah. Fine. How are you feeling?” 

“Good. Nervous though.” He admitted. 

“I brought you a rose. For good luck.” You smiled and gave him the rose. 

“Thank you baby.” He returned the smile and kissed you. 

“You’re gonna do great! You’ve got this.” 

“Well, I do have the best teacher.” He winked and you rolled your eyes. You pulled him towards you and kissed him roughly. After you pulled away he smirked at you. 

“What?” 

“You make my balls so blue.” 

“You’re so gross.” You pushed him away from you and he laughed loudly.  

“Only cast back here!” Kevin shouted. 

“I’m going!” You called back. “Good luck. You’re gonna kill it!”

Permanent Taglist: @mayaslifeinabox​ @thoseawkwardturtless​ @we--are--infinite--2 @serpentgirll​ @reblogserpent