#and they fucked up the billing which may end up costing me over $1000

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

I am gonna leave the worst fucking review for this doctor when all of this is settled and done.

[olokosomolo]

To whom it may concern. Hi I'm Tobi I used to be your classic best costumer. Unfortunately I found myself expelled from your casino with a thing It hard to believe it coz to my expel 3:30am I went to the toilet and only took my shirt and with a wet paper I whipped a week without a room at the casino, which they suddenly deny me and ros room rate $ 70 a night, my security deposit to $140 basically they aimed to get rid of me in all costs.

But my real story begins 2 and a half years ago 7:00am when I came to play next to the round bar at the games that are similar to the lighting games and they also connected to a jackpot. At the time I came it set on $ 94k. I insert $100 bill and fix to 5 cent denomination and started playing. On the third roll suddenly I see first ball that came was super grand jackpot and 5 other that I do not recall their prices , all together came to 6, and It went to the bonus round. Before I'll tell you what happened, i wish to take you few days before. The day when calculated my losses, I have realized that I lost over $100k. in periocular 75-80%- of the time I spent in the hard rock casino, so I started to check why is that I only losing so as I check and pay attention to people that are getting hand pay I realize that many of those and Changed the denomination 2c 5c 10c etc. I then went and try the new thing and believe it or not I hit the major ( green) two times. I was so thrilled. At evening came, i was looking to play the lighting again when I felt someone is following me. I immediately left my game came to him and said: sir why are you following me? He immediately said: no sir I don't, sorry. He raised his hand and immediately call the waitress that walked by, and told me do you need anything? I replied: no sir thanks and went back to my machine where I was playing. Few minutes I saw someone peeping from the left and kind of hide behind a peer. I stopped again playing and walked over this peer where I saw this tall black guy and behind him the one that was following at first time. Again I asked: sir why are you following me what's wrong? The Black guy look back at the first guy that gave him a yes sign, and this tall black guy then said: (I quote him word to words) sir we want you to loose your money and get the fuck out of here. Well he didn't have to say it in such a bad words I'm fully understand the basic and I'm even agreed with the basic but I was already more then $100k minus and being in Atlantic city was some what the most great thing that I have experience even after I lost so much. Yet I had really great time. Day after the incident an outside investigator came and interview me for few hours. I have told him that the one that following me is a gentleman that used to stand next to the waitresses peer and I believe he was the head in charge of them waitresses. After, there was no longer someone that followed me on the floor.

Three day later at 7:00am I left my suite and came down walk to the area next to the round bar and set on one of the machine in the middle of the area that all was connected with a jackpot that set on $94k +- as I said I changed the denomination to 5 cent insert $100 and started playing on the third roll the first ball that fall was super grand jackpot the color and the shape lead me to the jackpot with this came another 5 other to make it 6 all together to the bonus round of course I was eiger to take a photo but as usual I respected the rules of no photos and in my mind I was 100% trusted the institute as to my win and my security 100% tbh I even didn't care for the bonus round that ends after short while. Then I look up and as the show display begins quickly it ceased and $1000 as my wins wait I checked the denomination it showed 1c now wait I said to myself since there was no one at the floor next to the round bar, I have been by myself. I immediately called the technician, she came, open the machine and said something like it can't recall past. I remember, I said what, raised my voice since I was upset. She then called using her radio and few after two guys with suits came (Italian looking guys one was older, a bit bald and the other was younger) I sure remember the old ones that did all the talking. I explained to him and asked him to check it by the many cameras that was stationed on top. He looked at me and said: we do not check this thing on camera. Wait. I'm confused I replied if I would have stolen from you or anyone on the floor you would immediately used you camera to detect the crime but if the fault conserning you then you're lacking to check that important issues. They immediately held me and threaten to kick me out for my behavior and I apologize but I was so upset of the bad interaction with this two suits Italian looking guys specially the elder one. ( Look at the time I was sure that I got only $1000 coz the denomination was 1c but I was 100% remember that I have set it on the 5c and that was the argument but as I took time to read and understand the game rules, that this game was nothing to do with the 1c or 2c or 5c even if you set it on any denomination if the ball that said in words and it's color that's the price of the jackpot you need to get as long as it fall with 5 other to make it 6 or more to get the price indicate at the top which was the big one super grand jackpot.

Few days after I left the casino and Atlantic city NJ sad I have lost faith with all the system for 2and a half years I didn't even came close to gambling untill February 7 when I decided to give it one more shot. I came back to a place I always love care and felt like home. Well they didn't like me I guess. Btw one night I saw that old man playing the luxury line slot machines, i immediately approach him and said: hey do you remember me? He looked at me and it was obvious he was drunk and then I said: I'm the one you denied the jackpot back then. He then said oh your the bad dude. Why bad I said immediately I really felt offended no I'm jocking he then said. I do not believe he is working on the casino floor coz it was the last time I have saw him. I just wish to say that from then I slowly experience my wild card been downgrade from yellow to grey and slowly my ability to get room untill they expelled me when my phone galaxy note 20 was left behind in the casino. Here I'm guys, walking in the streets of Atlantic city without my world my phone that each time I'm calling and begging for it they laughing and hanging the conversation. I'm crying in the streets of Atlantic city something I'm even find myself walking in the streets without roof to my head hangry it's already few weeks that by all description my phone is in their possession, but some how they made my life miserable. I wish to end by telling one more important things I came to be in hard rock casino on November 2020 and also mid of January 2021 coz I had a lot of issues with my own family that made all to make my life hard and by all means not to let me built my life after horrible divorce I have been through follow by hurting with any relationship I have made after divorce she and my youngest cousin had a long years afair in which she help him to steal millions from a very successful business I owned while he was my manager also my second child 17 yo is their fruit ,,, i discover it just recently. and they are the one to send

after me a gangs 24/7 just to drives me crazy. So staying at your facility was a safe heaven for me and that why I also spent so much money I have no regrets for that, it was the list I can do. Now when those gangs managed to influence your team that find a horrible way to kick me out. I came to be in the streets while my family that hunted me for years was in the front stage now playing with my money family that send me my money only if I listen to their demands trying to brain washed me. If I just apposed their rules they immediately was blocked me for one or two days without sending me money (again story without any sense of reasons. Guys I'll end now by saying that this event to kick me out was orccasterated not only by your stuff members insider but by group of gangs from Philadelphia that was paved the way that led to my expel. After all the expel came after my re then a week without room and sleep although I'm making room reservation but each time one of the front desk manager was to give the poison pill if raised the room rate to $70 a night and the deposit $140. I found myself for so many days with the same clothes can't sleep, untill I let myself AT 3:30 am ( not on rash time) to refresh myself at the rephrasing room only shirt out no one was there, i took peper then wet it a little and refreshed my self when this yellow shirt horrible guy that hate his work so much but love the strange assiment to follow my steps untill i enter the toilet and he came right after saw me with wet paper go over my skin that didn't see shower for nearly a week long without any remorse to inhumane he took his phone a shoot few pictures to declare luring and I say is this the way the greatest hardrock that holds glorious past from Woodstock to Wembley hides a Dark shadow that roam the casino floor and monitors as the guest the jackpot and it's a fact that they seek for the same money each and every guest seek money as no defense in the eyes of the insiders it's even easier. for that next time I'll explain the shade inside and hidden?

And much applause

[crimson-of-the-earth]

Why I (Don’t)... [A New Annoying Series] Actual Title: Why I Don’t Take Commissions From Strangers Anymore

Hey, guys! So I’ve been in a sort of rant-y mood lately and I’ve just posted a vent a few days ago about why I train for mat wrestling instead of going to wrestling school.

I thought that since I’m probably gonna be posting a lot more of this kind of rant/vent posts, I figured I’d make it a series where I can:

Rant/Vent about certain topics

Answer asks regarding said topic or

Give my thoughts and opinions about certain stuff

Under the cut will be the actual rant so if you’re not into these sorts of posts, either ignore this or blacklist the words ‘rant’ and ‘vent’ so you won’t have to see further installments of this series.

Why I Don’t Take Fanfic Commissions From Strangers Anymore

You guys probably didn’t know this (that’s on purpose since I don’t think my work is good enough. and besides, i don’t have a paypal account) but I take fanfic commissions from either my friends, my family, my classmates, my professors; Basically anyone who is willing to shell out money for my work.

I originally posted my commission prices on my class’ (or ‘block’ as we refer to it here) group DMs. I did the whole 9 yards; I posted to the PE Group, the Western Cuisine Group, the Bar and Beverage Management Group; I posted that commission list to every school/class related group DM I had, and I’m sure I pissed off a few people because most of them were in all of those groups as well so they’d seen the same list over and over again. Sure, my commission list was pretty full, but none of the works I was working with were like more than 2,000 words so I was finishing them rather quickly.

The way I do these commissions is through Google Docs or MS Word and send through e-mail, but the payment has to be handed to me in person the day before I start the commission, either half or full price upfront depending on the trust I have with the client.

Now, it may seem like I’m rambling but all this will make sense in a second.

So, a lot of my clientele (if you could call it that) are people from my friends circle, or people who have the same major as me, same classes as me, or basically just people I interact with on a daily basis and/or know on a basic level. 

I keep this business a secret from my family because I’ll admit it: I don’t like sharing hard-earned money unless it’s important. I know that makes me sound horrible but what I do with the money I’ve earned is treat my mom or my sister or both to go to the mall, maybe buy a few nice things for them to kinda...give back to them. Sometimes, I even tell my mom to just not give me lunch money on certain days because I can buy food for myself, saving her money to treat herself with. If they knew about my “job” as a fanfic writer, they’d constantly borrow money from me that I could’ve spent giving my mom and my sister gifts.

Now that that’s outta the way, onto the actual rant.

Like I said, I take commissions from my classmates who I have the same classes/major with or professors with whom I have classes with. So I know everyone who commissions me in the event of a discrepancy, regarding either the agreed-upon word count, confusion about prices, wanting refunds, etc., etc., they could easily approach me for it or leave a note in my locker with their name, commission details, class/subject we both have, and any concern they might have. (It’s very detailed for a fanfic commission, I know. It would’ve been easier if this was all done digitally but just like with everything else, I need receipts in case of any mishaps that might happen.)

Since I use the same format for new commissions, someone from the IT College (mind you, I’m an HRS/Hospitality & Restaurant Services major) submitted a request note saying that they would like to commission me for a 10,000+ word, multi-chaptered work, and told me to meet up at the school canteen later at lunch that day to discuss details. 

I was already cringing at that point because, let’s face facts here: College students don’t really have any money to spare unless they’re either really rich or they have a part-time job. And the fic they wanted was going to be at least $105 (₱5,600 = $38 + my time [$10] + the extra details they wanted [which estimated around $20 since they asked for basically purple prose descriptions] + the prologue [which costs exactly the same price for a one-shot, 1,000< word fic $5) and I know they aren’t gonna have the money to pay upfront.

When we met up, he told me all the details, that he wanted the prologue to be more than 1,000 words, and I immediately warned them that that would cost extra since the price for a standard, 1000< fic would be $5/₱300 but they still wanted it so their total was now up to $110. 

I know that sounds like an absurd amount of money to charge a college student but mind you, they wanted at least 30,000 words spread throughout 5 chapters, excluding the prologue which was about 2,500, and they wanted it to be as descriptive as I can write it. And also, this was the cheapest I could go for such a lengthy piece, given the client’s situation and my time and expertise. Which means that I have to either rush out other commissions or tell those clients that their commission would be finished at a later date, both of which I didn’t want to do because if I rush a story, it’ll end up not being worth the money I was given. And I don’t want my clients to wait any longer than, say, a week for a 1,000 word fanfic. Fics of that length shouldn’t even take me a week, I finish those in like 1-3 days depending on how many commissions I have, or my personal situation.

Now, back to the absurd commission. I calculated the price right in front of him so there would be no further questions or complaints as to how the price was how it was, and I had them make a recording on my phone saying that they agree with the price, again another safety net for me should anything go wrong.

Now, since the price was a certainly beyond what he could’ve had as his lunch money at the time, I decided to make the mistake decision to let them pay half when I send them the WIP screenschot of the prologue and the rest when it’s done. That way, they’d have more than enough time to save up some of the money since it’d taken me 3 weeks to finish that. I also made him record himself on my phone saying that he agreed to this payment method.

Cue the day I send them the screenshot of the prologue (which was well over a week after the price agreement) and told them “alright, like in our agreement, we can meet up at school so you can pay half like we agreed, then I can finish the entire thing.” Lo and behold, they reply to me with “oh, I don’t have the money yet. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, I had to spend a bit of money to help with tuition and bills and stuff.”

Now, I get it: Life can be a surprising bitch and it’ll spring up awful situations when you least expect it, especially when you’re in college like we were. So, against my better judgement, I let them know that they can pay full price once I’m done, which they again agreed to. I have the screenshots but for my and this client’s privacy, I won’t post them here. (and because I’m too lazy to block the names out of the screenshots)

Well, 3 weeks later and the fanfic was finally done and out of my hair, I asked around the IT professors if the client was one of their students. Guess what? 

Turns out they fucking dropped out of the school one week prior. So I messaged them, politely and professionally, to remind them of the fic they commissioned and they had the fucking balls to say, and I quote:

“Can you just fucking leave me alone? That commission was a prank and you fucking fell for it, loser. Do you actually think that people want to pay for stories? Fuck, I can write the story myself and it would be 10 times better than the commission I had you make for me. Good luck with your failing business, bitch.”

After that, I just...I ripped that asshole a new one, saying that if they could make a better story, why commission for it, even if it was just a prank, bro? I said a lot more but I don’t want to remember that time. It was a bad time for me because it was so upsetting wasting precious time, energy and skill, only to be scammed out of an insane amount of money.

I already knew, even before I started my commissions, that fanfic commissions were gonna be a niche market since, y’know, people already don’t want to pay for a fucking “art piece that I could’ve made myself”, so I prepared myself for the backlash I’d get from outraged people who would complain about me being a “selfish bitch because you charge for a bunch of words on the internet”.

But to be burned this bad is just so upsetting. I literally cried in the bathroom that day because I just felt so stupid for making that one mistake of letting someone outside of my usual clientele circle to not only request a commission but not letting them pay upfront like I always do with other commissions.

Since then, I’ve never let a stranger commission me ever again because I was just so traumatized by it that I don’t want to feel that way again. I never want to feel stupid because I did something out of the kindness of my heart. I don’t wanna be made a fool simply for being nice to someone. 

This was a very long one because it’s such a personal story of mine that just really grinds my gears everytime I think about it.

To the people who do commissions of any kind, (whether it be art, adoptables, fanfiction, YCHs, or whatevs) NEVER BREAK YOUR BUSINESS MODELS LIKE I DID. Especially your payment conditions. I was stupid to do so, so please

Don’t repeat the same mistake that I did.

[misadventuresofthatoregongirl]

A little background... I am 27 years old. I have a 9 year old. I have been with his father since I was 12 years old, I have never “dated” anyone else. I have seen others, but never been in a relationship with anyone else. in January 2019 my little brother (we were 4 years apart and very lose) was left for dead by police after he got in a car wreck and had a head injury. He had a pulse for 30 minutes yet was never taken to the hospital, that was 10 minutes away. A week later some rich yuppie blew their entire head off with a shotgun, 80 miles away from the hospital, had no pulse, but was air lifted to the hospital. I strongly feel my brother was left for dead due to the fact he had unpaid fines. Mostly due to no car insurance or “driving while suspended” over no car insurance. But I know only blacks matter in this country, not some mutt who is half native american half white. That has been made ABUNDUNTLY CLEAR. 

If you are one of those stupid cunts with the “driving is a privilege” bullshit mindset, (driving to work should not be a privilege should be a basic human right and “ride the bus” only big cities have busses and many people have to commute to larger cities in Oregon) when basic liability insurance is about $300 a month for people who are never on mommy and daddys insurance, please kindly fuck off. Housing in Oregon is insane, already, most people have half or more of their money going to rent if they can manage to get somewhere to rent to them at all, they should not have to have another 1/4th or more of their income going to basic liability insurance when they have never even had a ticket. I went through the same shit. Eventually police would just wait in the parking lot for me to leave work and just ticket me over and over, I was denied a hardship permit that is also such a scam. Pay a bunch of money for something you aren’t even guaranteed to get. I drove 1000 miles a week just to get to work, because I could not find work in the rural area I live in not could I afford the $1500 a month rent in the city that has jobs (that’s basically how much I made a month) it is what is is. I had no choice. 

Paying for car insurance crippled me financially. I was actually split up with his father at that time but had to come crawling back begging for money due to my $300 basic liability insurance. The tickets are not even on my record anymore, for driving with no insurance and driving while suspended but its still $260 a month. Absolutely sickening. I don’t have a fucking dime left over after i pay bills, and my boyfriend works and we STILL have no fucking money. Ever. We don’t get to go on vacations, we live in the shittiest neighborhood in the entire county, in a shit trailer, drive shitty cars, I assure you we have nothing nice. Nicest thing he had is probably his work boots which were paid for by his boss, working your ass off in Oregon does not pay off. “Get a better job” no shit sherlock, did it ever occur to you its difficult to not get fired from your job you are currently working, and still go to interviews? Employers be like “I know you have a job currently but can you drop everything and come in an hour?” Oh yeah, totally. And if you try and schedule it for a time maybe you won’t get fired its usually “Nevermind.” And the interview process is a begging a groveling process like you’re a god damn peasant. Why do I want this job? MONEY! Why else! Why does anyone want any job? I worked at a staffing agency for 4 years and I can not tell you how many people did well at those stupid cookie cutter questions but were shit workers. I wish places would just let you work a day or two and see. 

Then I got laid off as soon as stupid corona hit in March, they already fired my office manager and a sales person “over discounted bill rates”. Kinda like how the Dollar Tree stays in business because its cheap but more volume is sold (worked there before too that was horrible) so they have just as much profit if not more, as say Walgreens or something. With corporate clowns coming down and saying to clients basically pay the full rate or we are taking you to court, to 3/4 of the clients, sales tanked. They tried to blame corona but the sales were complete shit before that as soon as they fired the two people who had most of the sales, with discounted bill rates. I am still friends with someone who managed to not get fired. They said in a conference call this week they announced they would be lowering bill rates. *Face palm* now that you fired hundreds of people, you are lowering bill rates. How many lives did you ruin before coming to your senses? Companies here are just so fucking awful!

A few years ago I decided I wanted to move out of the country. However if you have a child, both parents have to sign a passport form unless you don’t have the father listed on the birth certificate. Norway in particular I like, its beautiful, free healthcare, minimum wage twice that of Oregon with cheaper rent and free healthcare, they also help with childcare. They claim they do in Oregon but your “copay” is usually so high you might as well just pay out of pocket and not deal with all the states controlling bullshit you have to deal with when you get state assistance. People like to say “Norway has higher taxes” please shut up and go look at Oregon’s income tax rate. One of the highest in the country. Expensive gas, INSANE housing, its just not possible to have a decent life here in Oregon. I love the ocean also. Norway is beautiful and comes in the top countries for quality of life every year, meanwhile USA is at the very bottom. 

Everyone called me paranoid all those years, I just had a bad feeling that something bad was going to happen also and I needed to get out while I still could. Next remark “how can you afford to get there if you are so broke?” Simple don’t pay my outrageous rent and insurance for 1 month problem solved. My child’s father finally agreed to sign the passport form now that its too late and Americans are banned from basically every country in the world, once the racism and virus bullshit started. Super awesome. He will never hear the end of that from me. Its been months and I still do not even have the passport. Even if I did I AM TRAPPED HERE!!!!!!!!!! I can not even go to fucking Canada!

I decided ok, I will try and move to Montana/Idaho/North Dakota or something. Give up my ocean in attempts to get the hell away from all this mask and the non existent “racism” bullshit. Go somewhere with a lower cost of living, more jobs with higher wages. I absolutely can not stand wearing the face masks. There is no evidence they work, just go look at Sweden. Or the states I just named which have no mask laws. Also a lot of rural areas in Oregon do not wear them seems like the entire populations would have been sick or dead. I am not looking to argue with scared little sheep over this. Before you say “I hope your grandparents die” because I don’t wear them, something that I have seen many people say to myself and anyone else without a mask, my grandparents have said many times they would rather be dead than be completely isolated over some bullshit virus with a higher survival rate than the flu. Plus the media has lied so much, how can you believe a word they say? Seriously? They are all left winged biased. I am not even a conservative and I can see it. But people just eat the shit up. That 26 year old who they claimed died in Oregon from coronavirus, turns out did not even have the virus the CDC medical examiner said. So you choose for yourself what to believe. 

I did get a job in Montana very easily. In six fucking months in Oregon I had maybe 5 phone calls for a job, all minimum wage no benefit shit jobs. I did 2 years of business and law classes, 4 years of heavy payroll and accounting for work so its not like I have absolutely no experience in anything worth a fuck. Plus 8 years total of customer service or more I have been working since I was 18 with gaps here and there between jobs. But with my boyfriend and son back in Oregon, 900 miles away, it was really difficult. I had never been alone like that or even stayed a night away from my child. Never in 9 years. First of all staying in some shitty hotel... I hate hotels in general I like my little nest, as shitty as my house may be, even at a nice hotel I would rather sleep in my own shitty bed. I lasted 2 weeks, only having $100  week leftover for food and other bills spending $400 a week at the cheapest motel I could find, before I gave up. I could not save money for a deposit or loan and my boyfriend has absolutely no credit so he could not get approved for a loan or rental either. He also had absolutely no one to watch our child back in Oregon with everything being closed so he could not work during that time and almost lost the job he had. Done landscaping for 11 years and still only makes $2 above minimum wage because companies treat employees like such shit in Oregon. I was so close, had a decent pay (way more than I ever made in Oregon even though Montana has a lower minimum wage) with benefits, but it was impossible to move into a rental. My credit is good enough for a loan, but I could not save money for a down payment staying in a hotel. Plus I was so lonely and miserable. Now winter is coming and we will not be able to go back and forth in that snow in little cars anyways.

If we would have succeeded, I would have gotten us into a rental and then quit as soon as he got a job because we never have anyone to watch our child and the cost of living is so much lower we would not HAVE to both work like we do here in Oregon. Especially now. Seriously, what the fuck do they expect people with kids to do? Schools are closed and even if they weren’t there is no way in hell I would send my kid wearing a mask all day. SO bad for you! They have to wear them all day “except at lunch” ok so might as well just take the damn things off the entire day. These rules don’t even make sense how do people not see that? Or in a restaurant you have to wear them if you walk to the bathroom but not at the table what logic is that? How do people not see through this bullshit? And children are gross they touch everything masks are going to do shit at schools. Notice the schools that did open, masks or no masks still had a shitload of cases. Single parents are especially screwed in particular. I guess if you could somehow both find employers willing to work with your schedule (good luck with that) you could constantly work opposite shifts as your partner/spouse and never seen them and work. 

Anyways, jobs for him paid more up there too, rent is fucking half of what it is in Oregon. Their average rent is the price of “low income housing” in Oregon. But we just could not do it. I tried. I tried so hard. I even learned Norwegian jeg snakker norsk und ich spreche auch Deutsch because Austria was another country I was interested in. You can try and try and try here, but unless you get lucky, or your parents help you, I do not know how people do it. All the old people I know here don’t have enough money to live off either after working 50 years. Its so sad.

I am no perfect person either. I am pretty bitchy, I have horrible anxiety I quit public school at age 12 and finished online, yes I have a high school diploma. I actually did all my high school schooling in 2 years after skipping 3 years of school with no problem. I never even really went to middle school and still managed. I am not stupid. I just have a hard time doing things I am absolutely miserable doing.

I will go into more detail, year by year on what a shitshow it is to live in the USA but in particular Oregon. The entire west Coast really. I hate it here and I just want out but I have tried everything. 

[feral-frugal]

Facing the Numbers

April 2019

For the first time since I was 22, I find myself living on a pretty tight budget. For a few years, I had a fairly high-paying job that allowed me to save close to $20,000 – and then leave that job (which was a dead end and not teaching me any new skills) to move to Jordan to be with my husband, freelance, learn some new skills (video) and establish myself a little bit better. My income there was never stable – and I never made more than about $30,000 a year there – but somehow I never had to be that careful with expenses – we lived in a family-owned apartment and paid little rent, Layth frankly covered a lot of our bills, and with my income, I managed to pay for my master’s degree tuition, travel home once a year, buy camera equipment when needed for work, and save up for eventually moving back to the US.

In the end, my savings helped tide me over the 4 months I was looking for work in the US and pay to get set up in an apartment once I had a job. But unsurprisingly, I underestimated how much moving was really going to cost: furnishing an apartment from scratch (I had zero furniture, no dishes, no clothes hangers, nothing), paying for Zipcars to go shopping for things, stocking a pantry with all the basics, and so on – it all added up. Plus there were some other big expenses like paying my tax bill and the fees to start the process for Layth to move to the US.

My income is lower here than what I was hoping for, and the last few months I’ve been really living paycheck to paycheck, feeling more broke than I have in the last seven years. Which is pretty frustrating, feeling like I’m now so many years away from being able to do things you should be doing at this point in life: buying a house, finally paying off student debt, thinking about having a kid. On the other hand, I know people 30 years older than me in far worse shape financially, and people who’ve gone through foreclosure and multiple layoffs and they’re still somehow doing the house and kid thing, so maybe it’ll be alright.

The last few weeks I’ve started trying to think outside the box a little bit and also really take stock of where the money is even going. A couple freelance editing projects a month would help tremendously (oh, what I would give to charge $10,000 to edit a 300 page report on child marriage again for UNICEF). Because when I add up what I think I should be spending each month, I’m fine on paper. The first thing I did was get a loan and consolidate my debt – which let me massively reduce what I was paying monthly (I was making more than the minimum payments, but barely making any progress on it) with a much lower interest rate. It’s also helped me to change my mindset about it a little – instead of it being credit card debt that makes me feel awful about myself, it’s my Moving to America Loan. And I guess it’s the price I’m paying for settling for poverty wages in a developing country for a few years. Oh well.

Then I went back through my credit card statements – I had memorized the card number, set it up with Apple Pay, etc. and it was my default payment for a lot of subscriptions – and went through and canceled a whole bunch of shit: a Kindle subscription I wasn’t using, Netflix, Lynda.com (I get that for free through work now), Adobe software, Microsoft Office (again all through work now), and more things that I had and was justifying as business expenses – which came to about $1500 annually. Not a huge amount, but a chunk of change that will go towards paying down debt.

Then today I finally reconnected Mint to my accounts and wanted to cry and looked at my transactions for April. I spent at least $1000 more than I thought I did, I somehow spent over $500 on food (what the fuck?!), but also had a few one-time large purchases, like a portable AC unit and fan for summer, plus I paid to ship my bike from my mom’s house and had to buy some supplies for it (but this means I now hopefully get to commute by bike most days from now until November or so, and pay less for the bus). In May, I’ll be traveling for two weeks (which means I’m paying for an AirBnB and will have to eat a lot of pre-prepared foods/at restaurants), I have to send a graduation gift to someone, etc.

Next month my gas bill should finally be a lot less, and hopefully running the AC a few hours a day won’t run up the electric bill too much. I’ve reduced my already cheap phone bill (Mint Mobile) so I’ll pay $120 when it renews in June instead of $160 ($80 savings a year). And my next obstacle is to see if I can ditch the cable company – I foolishly signed up with them when I moved in, and I’m not sure how hard it’s going to be to get out of the contract. But if I can, I’ve found another company where I can get internet (no cable) for $50/month instead of $120 ($840 savings per year!).

But if you enjoy making lists and graphs like I do, I think this can be a little less painful and more like a game. Projecting out these expected reductions, I should be able to have close to $1000 left over each month. Thankfully, I already have a pretty decent retirement account set up at work, and that’s quietly running in the background. Now, on the one hand, it might make sense to throw every dime I have left at that loan, but I’ve been riding so close to the edge these past few months, I really want to just let that accumulate for a few months so that I feel like I have some cushion/ an emergency fund and then I’ll start making bigger payments.

I’m flabbergasted that I spent so much on food this month, and I seriously feel like I’ve thrown half of it away. It’s seriously appalling. When I get back, I’m going to start composting (going halfsies with a friend on a bucket of worms with some dirt). And even with New Haven’s seriously lacking grocery store options (all the shopping is in the suburbs, which requires me to rent a Zipcar for $30 for a few hours; inside the city we have three grocery stores), I think I can eat a healthy diet for $25 a week. My kitchen is well-stocked with the basics, and I’ll get my produce from farmers markets on the weekend for the next several months. And things seem to work best when I just buy a few ingredients with one or two recipes in mind for the week.

I DO NOT NEED ANY MORE CLOTHES THIS ENTIRE YEAR. I DO NOT NEED ANYMORE FACE WASH OR SHOWER GEL THIS ENTIRE YEAR. I do need new mascara and will eventually have to get more day and night cream.

I’m writing this to keep myself accountable. If I obsess over it, it might work. The end.

[ramenrains]

I think your full time and all your part time jobs are right here, begging people to feed you. You should be ashamed playing on everyone's emotions and calling yourself queer and autistic to try to ante up the emotions. I'm in serious hard times as well and the first thing I had to do islet my phone go. Not fun, but not a necessity. You got over $1000 to keep you from being homeless, myself included on giving towards that. Now I'm just angry you keep doing it and playing on our kindness