#and these genres are born out of being upset with society

[mar-zom]

idk if it’s just me and the type of music i tend to gravitate towards. but i have such a hard time finding modern music in which is lyrics are about something happy or joyful or content with life.

I understand, as an artist myself, that often art is made to express emotions of hurt and sorrow and heartbreak but i’d like to see more music about the other side of that, the joy of life, the smallest simplest things that are worth living for, the acceptance and contentness of being alive.

i also understand that with the state the world is now, overlooked oppression, cover uped genocides, the attempted eradication of LGBT+ folk, and more, it’s hard to write about happiness and the love of life but it’s something that should be done. something to show that we should keep living, to keep going, keep fighting

art should be made to express these things as well.

[bethelighthalazia]

9 makes 1 team!

Bandmates (Relationships with the members)

Summary:  What if ATEEZ had debuted with one more member? What if they had debuted with a young woman? Her name is Choi Hwa Young, younger sister of Choi Jongho.

Genre: n/a

Pairing: ot8 & fem!OC Choi Hwa Young

Word Count:  n/a

Warnings: n/a

networks: @mirohs-aurora-society

back to masterlist

© by bethelighthalazia. Do not repost, copy or translate. Unless stated otherwise, those works are mine and born from my own ideas. I don't have any claim on the mentioned real existing Idols whatsoever.

Group Info

They´re best friends, almost like found family for her, but Hwa has a huge crush on Mingi, Mingi has a big crush on Hwa, Yunho knows about it without Mingi even telling him, but he doesn't tell anyone

The boys are very protective of Hwa, often a bit too overprotective

The boys know about Hwa´s insecurities, fears and especially about her allergies and always make sure to keep her safe

It's often Wooyoung and Hwa who cook for the group

since Hwa always loses her lip balm and the others find these, they have a big collection of Hwa´s lip balms in almost every room

when she's upset or mad, the boys actually get scared of her sometimes

The boys take turns looking for Hwa when she gets lost, often even playing rock, paper, scissors to determine who has “Hwa duty”

there were many arguments about Hwa´s stage outfits being too revealing in the beginning, which none of the boys let happen; after kingdom though, they still tried, but Hwa now has a word in her outfit choice as well

When Hwa is out with friends, the boys tend to be in contact with said friends, or send some texts to check up on the girl

Most of the times, it's Seonghwa or Hongjoong who try to make her behave and stay calm, but soon give up (especially when Woo or San are involved as well)

Seonghwa (Park Seong Hwa (박성화)) (Oppa)

Tends to mother her quite often, which Hwa never complains about. She loves to ask her oppa for advice, since he usually is the most mature and calm one. He and Hwa are sometimes called by the same nickname, which confuses her quite often. When she needs comfort, Seonghwa is usually the first one she goes to. He’s like her big brother and is rather protective, especially when other male idols or fans are around her. Seonghwa often calls her ‘little one’, unless he's mad at her, then he uses her full name.

Hongjoong (Kim Hong Joong (김홍중)) (Oppa)

Hwa loves to annoy him, he's the main target of her teasing and pranks, but she also trusts him and, if Seonghwa is not nearby, she asks him for advice and help. Cuddles and hugs are exchanged, but more often when no cameras are around since Hongjoong doesn't want to potentially give material for scandals that could be harmful for her, plus he's quite shy of affectionate skinship in public. Hongjoong is the one who has to find her everytime they attend an event, because she tends to wander off and get lost. His nickname for her is shorty, since she's the only member who's shorter than him.

Yunho (Jeong Yun Ho ((정윤호)) (Oppa)

Yunho is her big teddy bear. She loves to hug and cuddle him, holding hands when she walks besides him is almost mandatory. He's like a big brother to her, and he takes this trust and responsibility very seriously. His nickname for her is tiny, mainly because of their height difference. Hwa often likes to tease him with pranks, but more than that, she loves to team up with him to prank the others. Piggyback rides are also often a given, especially when they're in a crowd and they don´t want to lose her in it (again…). Her nickname for him is YuYu.

Yeosang (Kang Yeo Sang (강여상)) (Oppa)

Yeosang´s favorite activity is to brush and style Hwa´s hair. He's the only one who can make her sit still for hours. When they sit next to each other, he usually either draws patterns on her palms or caresses her arm to keep her calm. Hwa likes to join him when he watches tv or reads, often she can be caught styling or just brushing his hair in such moments. Yeosang and Hwa are both very different personalities, but still quite similar. His nickname for her is Bun (since she was called Bun Bun once in a show, he calls her that ever since because it causes her to get all shy and blushy). 

San (Choi San (최산)) (Oppa)

In the beginning, San wasn't too fond of the idea of having a female member in the group, but they quickly became best friends. If she's scared, he is at her side to protect her without even needing to be asked to. He likes to carry her around piggyback style, if he's not around Wooyoung, he can be found hugging and cuddling Hwa. San usually matches her energy, especially when she´s not holding back her naturally chaotic and often child-like energy. Hwa usually calls him San oppa or Sannie, when she calls him San, she's usually mad at him. San tends to call her gwiyomi (cutie).

Mingi (Song Min Gi (송민기)) (Oppa)

Mingi is the first to notice when Hwa feels anxious or sad and he can always tell if she's honest or if she's lying to them. Ever since the group formed, Mingi has liked her and has had a crush on her. Hwa trusts Mingi blindly, she knows he always will keep her safe and never will do anything to hurt her purposefully. She´s always had/has a crush on him. His nickname for her is princess/pretty, which causes her to get heavily flustered. Mingi also often just holds her hand or can be found hugging or cuddling her, often giving her piggyback rides as well. Hwa likes to call him Min-Min, but only when she knows that no cameras are around.

Wooyoung (Jung Woo Young (정우영)) (Oppa)

Wooyoung and Hwa are a bundle of pure chaos. If one doesn't see them, one certainly can hear them. These two absolutely match each other´s energy and it´s happened more than once, that Seonghwa or Hongjoong had to separate them to calm down. They both can often be found dancing (or causing trouble for the older members). Wooyoung and Hwa became best friends after she beat him in a dance off that he had proposed to prove that a girl shouldn't be in the group (he only lost because Yunho had distracted Wooyoung during that dance off). Hwa mispronounced his name in the beginning quite often, which is why she resorted to calling him Woo everytime (yes, also in interviews and such). His nickname for her is jagi.

Jongho (Choi Jong Ho (최종호)) (big brother, blood related)

Much to his annoyance, Hwa loves to call him little bear, even though she's younger and shorter than him. Jongho however usually calls her Hwa-yah or, much to her annoyance, moonpie. He started calling her this when he walked in on her binge-watching Sailor moon (while she was dressed in a sailor moon costume). Jongho doesn´t often show affection on camera, yet he does allow Hwa to cuddle or hug him any time she likes. They are quite close and he loves to join her vocal practices every time, mainly to give her advice and sometimes even get advice from her.

taglist: @mingis-mizu,@tinyelfperson

(if you want to be added to a taglist, follow the taglist-link in my pinned post)

[aritsukemo]

Welcome! 🤍

Blog's Theme Song - Falling Behind - Laufey

"Hi!!! I see you've wandered into my little corner so allow me to introduce myself while I pour you a cup of tea! I'm AriTsukemo, but most guests tend to refer to me as simply Ari! I like to write fics and read for fun!"

"I built this place with the intent of getting better at writing and brodening my anime horizen! That being said, I've already tackled quite a bit of animes! As for what my favorites are, I'd say.."

Demon Slayer | The Case Study of Vanitas | Toilet Bound Hanako Kun | Blue Lock | Yona of the Dawn | Black Butler | Windbreaker | Tokyo Revengers | Link Click

"Hm? What about games? Well, I don't play much games that I'd typically want to write about, but since you asked.."

Genshin Impact | Omori | Danganronpa | Sally Face

"If you want to know about some of the other animes and games I may have watched/played, I don't mind sitting here and telling you about them! I can make myself comfortable and— Hm? You don't have the time right now? Oh.. Alright then.."

"You want to know about the rules of this place? Well, I don't really have anything big.. I'm not really one to be so..strict, y'know? My only rule, per se is.."

Please don't be rude to the other guests here! You can be impolite towards me all you want, but I will not tolerate such behavior towards anyone else!

"As for anything else you might want a heads up about.."

I love giving people nicknames and recieving them in turn. My favorite's to call people are "Dearest", "Love", "Sweetheart", and things like that! As for recieving..well, I don't really have any preference. Feel free to call me anything!

I'm currently taking requests! If you like my works or simply like what I write for and want to request something, you should first take a glance at my rules regarding requests!

I'm always looking for a friend to yap about fics and animes with! Though, do be warned that I am a bit awkward when it comes to new friendships so bear with me..

All blank blogs will be blocked without question!

I have an obsession with using emojis/emoticons so I apologize if that upsets you! 🤍

"Do I run any other places like this? Well, yeah!"

As some may already know, I have a Wattpad Account! If you like Genshin Impact, Demon Slayer, or Omori, I definitely suggest clicking the link and checking my books out! 👀✨

"You..want to now more about me? You- You serious? Uh- Uhm, there's nothing really interesting about me, but since you asked.."

After years of self-discussions, I've come to the realization that I pretty much have no preferences when it comes to love! I mean, there's so much to fear in this world, why would I choose to be scared of liking someone that may not fit society's norm, y'know?

I'm used to She/Her pronouns as I was born a female, but many tend to refer to me using They/Them pronouns online. I don't really care what you call me to be honest.

I've accumulated a plethora of favorite anime characters over the years, but I'd say my top favorites overall are Mitsuri Kanroji, Muichiro and Yuichiro Tokito, Shinobu Kocho, Ciel Phantomhive, Mitsuki Kiryu, Suo Hayato, and Chifuyu Matsuno!

My birthday is July 15th which, I'm pretty sure, makes me a Cancer. I don't know, I'm not really a big horoscopes person..

My music taste is the perfect embodiment of me; all over the place. From Hip-Hop to Pop to Indie, I don't really have a designated fav genre. Artist however.. Well, I'd say my all time favorite at the moment is Billie Eilish! While some runner ups would be Sabrina Carpenter, Alec Benjamin, Laufey, Chase Atlantic, and Melanie Martinez!

"Hm? You want to sit and chat after all? Hehe~! Fine by me! Let's— Ah, it seems you ran out of tea.. I'd have to boil some more for you.. Hm..how about you grab something to read from one of the sections I showed you earlier while I go and make some more tea? Alright, I'll be back in a little bit!"

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest, post formatting is inspired by @xxsabitoxx and @romaritimeharbor

[flurrys-creativity]

Vampire Dad

Pairing: Song Mingi (Ateez) x Fem!Reader; Genre: Fluff, Parent AU, Supernatural AU; Rating: sfw, pg-15; Warnings: vampire mingi, vampire daughter, term of vampire being used for a genetical mutation, mentions of being burned at the stake, a floating child, being bitten, mingi trying to make pancakes, mentions of the superstitions against vampires, upset reader, somewhat angry mingi, ONE suggestive joke; Wordcount: 875

Summary: Vampires were feared by society and the town would do anything to eliminate them. So keeping your family, a.k.a your husband and daughter, save was your utmost priority. Even when your daughter made the task almost impossibly harder.

A/N: I forgot how I got this idea, I just remember it’s @sanjoongie​ ‘s fault... maybe @mingsolo​‘s fault too... yeah probably.. I wrote for Mingi after all :D

You had to fight the urge running straight to your four year old daughter, floating around the living room. Your motherly instincts flared up, wanting nothing more than to save your little girl. Despite the fact she clearly needed no help.

Biting down on your lower lip, you stormed over to the windows instead. You closed the curtains and silently prayed nobody had seen a floating child in your home.

If anyone had, your daughter - no your whole family - would be in trouble. All of you would be burnt on the stake as vampires. 

You sighed as you clutched the fabric, the mental image haunting you. Vampires weren’t real - at least not in the way the media portrayed them. Yet scientists haven’t created a better term for people with a specific genetic mutation. A mutation that portrays some of the common myths about vampires.

Your husband was one of these “vampires” and when your daughter was born she inherited the mutation as well. 

You turned around and glared at your floating kid. Whenever she got her ration of blood to let her small body develop normally, she abused her vampiric powers that came along with it. “Listen here, young lady”, you almost growled while you wagged a finger at her and carefully approached her. “I told you over a hundred times to keep your human appearance.”

She only giggled and shook her head, moving further up and slowly out of your reach.

You inhaled sharply and pressed your lips into a thin line. As much as you wanted your daughter to be herself as freely as possible, you had to make sure nobody would ever know. As soon as your secret got out the people in this town would freak out, fearing the “evil” that the “vampires” would bring upon them.

Without hesitation you jumped up and grabbed your child, pulling it down and into your arms. You were about to scold her again, when she suddenly bit you - her fangs piercing your skin. You let her go reflexively, watching how she floated back up to the ceiling.

Now she glared at you, droplets of your blood running down her chin.

You glared back, ignoring the pulsing pain in your upper arm. “That’s it”, you hissed and stormed out of the living room. 

You surprised Mingi in the kitchen, where he unsuccessfully tried to make pancakes. With the rage roaring inside of you, you pulled Mingi away from the stove and pushed him against the counter top. You stared up at him, needing to breathe deeply several seconds before you could talk to him. 

His eyes flicked over your face and body, shortly zoning in on the bite mark on your upper arm and the slowly drying blood that had trickled down. “What happened?” He asked, voice layered in concern.

“Our daughter happened. Floating in broad daylight. In front of open windows.”

Mingi’s lips twitched with amusement and he quickly relaxed again, grateful it wasn’t anything serious. 

“And when I pulled her down she bit me.”

“Just close the curtains and let her be. She only has those spurts after her blood meal. She’ll be out of power in a few days again.” Mingi shrugged with his shoulders, about to turn back to the stove.

“If you don’t teach our daughter basic vampire 101, I swear to god, I’ll drive a stake through your heart”, you hissed, knowing full well the fury within you made you say such harsh things. You stepped away from him, taking a deep breath. “She bit me”, you said - a lot calmer now - “I can’t believe you’d just let that behaviour slide.” You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. “Aren’t you in the slightest bit concerned our baby could be caught? You know what will happen! How could you be so calm about that?”

When the first tear trickled down your cheek, Mingi realised how upset you actually felt. He quickly pulled you against his body and wrapped his arms around your smaller form, rubbing one large hand over your back. Once you had calmed down again and only hid your face against his chest, he called for your daughter.

His eyes narrowed as she floated into the kitchen. “Down. Now.” Mingi watched silently until your daughter stood on the ground, looking up at him with the biggest pout. “You know full well that we have rules, young lady. And you know the consequences for ignoring them.” 

You peaked at your daughter, seeing her nod slowly. “No blood until next year”, she whispered and looked down at the floor.

“And I expect something else from you”, Mingi added, his chin shortly pointing towards you as he stared sternly at your daughter, waiting.

“I’m sorry momma.”

“Sorry for what?”

You hesitantly tugged at Mingi’s shirt, thinking it was already enough but he ignored it.

“Sorry for not listening to you.”

“And?”

“Sorry for biting you too.”

Mingi tightened his hug around you, nodding proudly. “That’s right.” He kissed the top of your head. “Daddy is the only one allowed to bite mommy.”

“MINGI!” You sputtered incredulously, before you started laughing and shaking your head. He always knew how to lighten the mood again. 

© all rights reserved

Taglist: @xavi-in-kpopland​ @songsoomin​ 

[cee-grice]

15 OC Questions Tag

got tagged by @writerfae, @rachaellawrites and @eccaiia, so I'm gonna do this for both leads instead of doing separate posts :v thanks for the tag!!

this is also just gonna be me answering the questions rather than doing it interview-style 'cause I absolutely cannot do that...

soft tagging @sam-glade, @tate-lin, @scribe-of-stories, @ethaeriea, @thesorcerersapprentice, @poetinprose, @jasmineinthenight and leaving it as an open tag!

Are you named after anyone?

Quil — Initially he was, yes, but when he picked his own name, Quilin, he took it from a proverb in the old version of his language. Not many know this, though, because he now thinks it's too dramatic and prefers to just be called Quil by those close to him lol

Endra — No, although a fun note about his name: it's such an old one that it's barely in use anymore and has historically been typically given to girls, so how his mother picked it is a bit of a mystery...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Quil — Uh. Uh. I think. Literally five minutes ago? He cries very rarely but he's going through something right now, so

Endra — Despite him being the one prone to crying, it's been a while... I don't know, two years maybe?? (that's gonna change soon though dw)

3. Do you have kids?

Neither do!

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Quil — Yes definitely, although only when he's around people he's comfortable with. Otherwise, he's very polite and nice :)

Endra — Also yes, but in a very playful manner :) Although it can still be taken negatively :( No one gets him

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Quil — Signs of their social status and/or culture, so clothing styles, how they hold themselves, their speaking mannerisms, etc. Just anything that gives away where they're from and what their standing in society is. He's never impolite, but he does adjust his behavior a bit accordingly

Endra — their emotionality? Like, what mood they seem to be in. Do they seem happy or upset or tired, helps him figure out how to best approach them (depending on what his end goals are...)

6. What's your eye colour?

Quil's is dark mint, and Endra's a very dark brown where you can barely tell where the pupil ends

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Quil — hm considering his favorite fiction genre is fairytales that often go in fucked ways... I'd say scary movies yeah, he'd be fascinated by them (if they existed lol)

Endra — also scary movies but in a different way! He just. enjoys being scared. it's a thing don't think too much about it

8. Any special talents?

Quil — ahm he's got an affinity for languages, if that counts? There are 8 major languages in the continent, some with many dialects, some having old versions, too, and there's only 1 he's not able to speak yet due to there literally being. extremely little resources on it. It's a very remote country and not much literature leaves it x)

Endra — he can climb trees very well. In general he's pretty agile and flexible. anyways

9. Where were you born?

Quil was born in Ethelen, Merridie, and Endra in some obscure village in Edkava. This tells you practically nothing but there you go

10. What are your hobbies?

Quil — Reading with a capital R. that's what he does the majority of his time lmao nerd. he prefers nonfiction but he won't say no to an interesting fiction novel, either. he also enjoys a bit of foraging and gardening :) as well as engaging in life-threatening medical practices :) anyways

Endra — he likes to play the piano! and draw! and he's recently got an interest in cooking! in general he's a pretty artistic guy :)

11. Have you any pets?

Quil — No :( He doesn't like animals that much :((

Endra — Yes :) a kitty named Zucchini :))

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

Quil — if we're talking about his early years... does sleeping around count as sport

Endra — eh not really? Besides some outdoor games that count be counted as sport, at least. He's pretty impartial to sports tbh

13. How tall are you?

Quil is 169 cm (5'6 ft?? I think?), and Endra 180 cm (5'11 ft)

14. Favourite subject in school?

Quil — well, obviously he was most drawn to all subjects related to magic, but his favorite would probably be The Fundamentals of Magia, which delved more into the physicality of the element. Besides magic stuff, he also really liked Language and Literature :)

Endra — oh he hated school with a passion lol. He chronically engaged in truancy and held no love for anything that had to do with school. but if he had to choose what he tolerated the most... it'd probably be Music as it was what could actually understand? so yeah he might have kinda liked that one a little bit

15. Dream job?

Quil — a teacher :)) guy loves teaching with a passion. it's been his dream for a long while but y'know how life can go...

Endra — ahmmmm a housewife. honestly I don't think I'm kidding. god knows he could not be tied down to an Actual job, and he actually likes fussing around the house, cooking, cleaning, just making sure it's all homely and nice, and I think he would really like staying home to raise children, too. mayyyybe on the side he could do some freelance art or music stuff, but that's it lol

[thelordofshrimp]

general history of werewolf vampire beef as is typical to this genre 👀? or if no general history then friend group history even though you've for sure talked about it before

okay so there is no established widespread vampire-werewolf beef in this au which is atypical of most paranormal worlds but i simply cannot be bothered.

HOWEVER

there is beef amongst the vampires and werewolves we know (and love) for mildly different and infinitely more complicated reasons which i will happily go into

(learning from my last post and putting it under a cut)

so will, being a couple of years older than nico (funky little vampire aging slowly), went to school with reyna and thalia and that general age range, a little ahead of jason and nico and the others. they all end up in a similar peer group because they're only a few years apart, but anyone who's been to american public high school can tell you there is a world of difference between a freshman and a junior, so the two groups did not interact a ton.

now, will and his paranormal peers weren't super close to begin with, just because of the way social circles work and the fact that reyna & thalia had been in the same paranormal after-school group (like the kid version of bingo night) for AGES, while will joined later on, but that isn't the reason they don't like him.

teenage will solace went through a pretty rough rebellious phase, but his rebellion had nothing to do with loud music and strange clothes and everything to do with his identity as a vampire. (ironically enough, going through a loud-music-strange-clothes phase would have probably made thalia like him more, and her friendship might have helped will get through what was to come. oh, well)

even though the paranormal folk are generally pretty hidden from the rest of society, there are humans who are aware of them and, by extension, humans who wish they weren't around, so anti-paranormal propaganda exists in very small amounts, most of it targeted towards vampires and werewolves (because those are the scary ones for people who don't know how powerful sirens can be). this wasn't the only reason will started resenting his supernatural side, but it certainly didn't help.

most of the issues will has with vampirism as a whole can be summed up in one word: octavian. will's cousin is, by all accounts, the perfect vampire: just dramatic enough to pull off a cloak and just greasy and conniving enough to not lose his ties to Nosferatu. he's bloodthirsty and mildly disdainful of humans while never going so far as to actually say that he thinks he's better for having fangs, and the older generations of vampires, many of whom wish the humans would show a little more fear "respect," eat it all up. octavian is everything they want him to be and will, unlucky enough to be born with a shred of empathy, is disappointing by comparison.

when will turns sixteen, he politely declines his first feed from a live donor and nearly throws up in his mouth watching octavian readily take that opportunity. sure, nothing octavian does is technically wrong, by human or vampire standards, but his personality is so repulsive that everything he does seems wrong by association.

very shortly thereafter, will starts voicing opinions he's held for a few years— that drinking blood from a live donor is gross, that drinking blood in general is gross and he wouldn't do it if he didn't have to, and, eventually, that being a vampire is gross, he wishes he weren't one, and he would be just fine living in a world where everyone was human, because "monsters don't add anything to the world, all we do is take and take and take, and we'd take until there was nothing left if that didn't mean we'd starve."

these are the words of a very upset teenager who hasn't figured out who he is, who he wants to be, and what to do with everyone else's opinions of him. they come from a lot of confusion and hurt and they're not directed at anyone else he knows (except for maybe octavian), they're directed at the part of Will that he doesn't know how to handle yet.

the only problem is that those words are said within earshot of a lot of people who are not Will. he rages against himself and in the process makes a lot of people, reyna and thalia especially, believe that he dislikes them for being paranormal, too. some of the sirens and witches and "less monstrous" paranormal folk are able to shrug it off, but werewolves and vampires hold a similar place on the monster scale, and hearing someone who is supposed to understand your situation better than other people say that he wishes none of you existed hurts.

reyna and thalia and the other werewolves in their teen paranormal group distance themselves from will, who is also doing his very best to "act human" as much as he can.

as he gets older, as he gets out of the mental hell that is high school and the wilderness of teenage hormones, will calms down. he learns to acknowledge his vampirism with grudging neutrality that eventually turns into acceptance. he starts engaging with the adult chapter meetings more instead of showing up, sitting in silence as far back as possible, and then leaving as soon as official business is over. he makes friends in the group, most of whom weren't in his grade during school and therefore didn't hear the things he said. he regrets some of the words he used and knows that his opinion of himself and the paranormal world has changed, but he won't just forget that there was an expectation put on him that he still resents.

baby steps add up, and will gets a job where he willingly discloses that he's a vampire to his employer. he shows his fangs to a non-vampire, a human, in a public place (admittedly after said human had already seen his fangs by accident). he spends time with other paranormal folk outside of chapter meetings and lets himself enjoy being around people who are also different instead of wallowing in self-hatred.

none of that does anything to change how reyna & thalia see him. his friends might not know, but they remember what he said, how he said it, and who he said it to. that kind of thing isn't so easily forgiven, especially since none of them have talked to him in years. they're not particularly interested in reaching out, and he hasn't made any efforts to mend bridges, either, especially since they weren't friends to begin with.

to their credit, reyna & thalia don't bring it up around anyone who wasn't there. they haven't forgotten, but they don't see the point in dwelling on the past, since he seems like he's grown out of it for the most part. they won't pretend to like him, and they'll explain when jason asks them why, but there's no point in keeping a high school feud alive. will, for his part, understands that he is not and probably never will be their favorite person, but a part of him still isn't okay with the thought that they want him to be more like octavian. if he had talked to them all those years ago, back when he first started feeling pressured to 'be a better vampire,' they would have told him he didn't need to be.

[ktmarison]

ride  the  cyclone  sentence  starters.

'  it  turns  out  being  told  the  place  and  time  of  your  death  in  front  of  your  family  with  a  mouthful  of  corn  dog  at  a  fairground  is  the  very  opposite  of  fun.  '

'  meet  my  executioner.  '

'  i'm  well  aware  rats  cannot  play  musical  instruments.  '

'  when  you've  been  alone  for  as  long  as  i  have,  you  tend  to  anthropomorphize  your  friends.  '

'  the  armrest  to  your  left  is  yours.  the  one  to  your  right  is  your  neighbors.  if  you  believe  both  armrests  are  yours  exclusively,  you  are  part  of  the  problem.  '

'  this  just  shows  the  high  standard  of  excellence  !  even  in  competition  against  yourself,  you  can  still  walk  away  a  loser  !  '

'  tonight,  we  shall  raise  a  middle  finger  to  that  most  ruthless  adjudicator  called  time.  '

'  something  doesn't  feel  quite  right.  '

'  how  can  this  be  fair  ?  '

'  what's  the  point  of  even  suing  ?  '

'  there's  nothing  left  to  do  except  to  rot.  '

'  i  hope  i  wiped  my  browser  history  clean.  '

'  i  did  not  feel  safe  at  all  .'

'  democracy  rocks  !  '

'  even  in  death,  i  can't  escape  her  !  '

'  well  played,  satan,  well  played.  '

'  being  the  only  gay  man  in  a  small  rural  high  school  is  kind  of  like  having  a  laptop  in  the  stone  age.  i  mean,  sure,  you  can  have  one,  but  there's  nowhere  to  plug  it  in.  '

'  i'm  really  freaked  out  right  now.  '

'  do  you  want  to  know  what  really  freaks  me  out  ?  '

'  when  a  lioness  has  children,  she  stops  making  love  to  the  lion.  the  lion  gets  jealous.  sometimes  so  jealous  that  he  eats  the  children.  you'd  think  this  would  upset  the  lioness,  far  from  it.  they  make  love  again  as  if  the  children  never  existed.  '

‘  i’m  going  to  stand  a  little  farther  away  from  you.  okay  ?  ’

'  ever  since  i  was  six  years  old,  i  knew  i  wasn't  long  for  this  world.  '

'  don't  interrupt,  sweetie.  '

'  i  am  the  best  by  any  metric  of  society.  i  get  that.  but  if  that  is  how  worth  is  measured,  i  want  no  part  in  it.  '

'  okay,  it's  clear,  i'm  the  top  of  this  class.  '

'  fetch  me  a  coffee,  shine  my  shoes.  '

'  some  of  us  are  winners,  some  were  born  to  lose.  '

'  he'll  rob  a  7-11  and  go  straight  to  jail.  '

'  what's  he  gonna  do,  solve  a  rubik's  cube  ?  how  long's  he  got  if  we  feed  him  through  a  tube  ?  '

'  he'll  never  learn  to  read.  he's  never  gonna  breed.  he's  going  to  jail  guaranteed,  and  she's  a  freaky  monster  !  '

'  we  need  a  little  less  of  them,  a  little  more  of  me  !  '

'  you  just  told  your  best  friend  that  her  greatest  achievement  in  life  will  be  to  become  an  organ  donor.  '

'  that's  okay  !  it  kinda,  really,  super  hurt,  but  .  .  .  '

'    what  i  did  there  is  exactly  what  you  shouldn't  do.  '

'  you  challenged  my  preconceived  notion  that  all  gay  dues  are  fun  to  be  around.  '

'  sweet  jesus  christ  on  a  bike.  '

'  i've  seen  the  movie  the  blue  angel  about  a  billion  and  one  times.  '

'  mom  tells  me  i  gotta  try  to  blend  in  so  i  tried  really  hard  to  dial  it  back.  '

'  i  wanted  a  man  that  would  drive  me  to  drink.  '

'  can  you  keep  it  in  your  pants  for  one  second,  you  horrible  succubus  ?  '

'  i  embrace  a  new  man  every  night.  '

'  i  want  to  be  that  fucked  up  girl.  '

'  i  think  i  am  in  love  with  you.  '

'  i've  heard  that  lie  a  million  times  before.  '

'  tell  him  that  like  him,  i  choose  to  burn  out,  rather  than  fade  away.  '

‘  that  was  dope  !  ’

‘  level  up  !  ’

'  in  my  country  it  is  natural  for  two  men  to  show  affection  by  kissing.  '

'  there  is  a  difference  between  affection  and  smut.  '

'  what's  the  lesson  ?  '

'  not  every  story  has  a  lesson.  '

'  every  story  has  a  lesson  except  saw  five.  '

'  porno  ?  that  is  a  genre.  that  doesn't  tell  a  story.  '

'  i  think  it's  messed  up  that  we  celebrate  violence  and  demonize  the  very  act  of  love.  porno  is  magical.  '

'  i'm  never  mad  at  you.  i'm  just  frequently  disappointed.  '

'  just  cause  i'm  all  gangsta  doesn't  automatically  make  me  a  homophobe.  '

'  that  shit  was  emotionally  devastating.  '

'  we  were  engaged.  '

'  i  have  no  respect  for  this  country.  '

'  my  life  is  awesome.  '

'  this  beat  is  awesome  !  '

'  i  am  vulnerable  now.  '

'  i  lay  my  masculinity  at  the  altar  of  your  maidenhood.  '

'  i  wanna  be  with  you,  baby.  '

'  love  conquers  all.  '

'  look  at  me,  i  am  physically  weeping  !  '

'  and  that  is  why  not  everyone  should  have  a  library  card.  '

'  the  world  needs  more  poets.  '

'  and  this  is  why  you  both  sucked  at  math  !  '

'  there  are  no  accidents.  '

'  since  we're  all  sharing,  i  would  like  to  talk  about  my  religion.  '

'  for  lo,  i  am  a  prophet.  '

'  i  guess  you  could  say  i'm  pretty  sexy  on  another  planet.  '

'  who  are  you  right  now  ?  '

'  we  need  your  fantastic  seed.  '

'  i  know  you've  heard  the  legend  of  the  sexy  cat  women  from  zolar.  '

'  won't  you  please  help  save  our  galaxy  ?  '

'  what  would  you  do  in  my  place  ?  '

'  oh  my  goodness,  what  have  i  gotten  myself  into  ?  '

'  i'm  a  lover,  not  a  fighter  !  '

'  i  wanna  hold  your  hands.  '

'  i  have  no  desire  to  rule  the  galaxy.  to  hold  you  close  is  enough  for  me.  '

'  i'm  gonna  give  you  the  cliff  notes  for  every  prophet  that  ever  lived:  life  is  hard  enough  without  making  up  reasons  to  be  dicks  to  each  other.  '

'  let's  take  care  of  each  other.  '

'  for  love  is  the  closest  you  can  come  to  another  person,  for  it's  the  closest  you  can  come  to  being  another  person.  '

'  and  then  peace  was  restored.  '

'  there's  only  one  commandment  in  my  bible.  don't  be  a  dick.  '

'  in  choosing  myself,  that  would  be  the  ultimate  dick  move.  '

'  i'm  the  same  person  i  always  was.  it's  just  no  one  ever  listened  to  me.  '

'  if  the  holy  people  are  to  be  kept  harmless  from  war,  then  make  all  people  holy.  '

'  we  all  know  the  worms  must  be  fed.  '

'  my  soul.  is  it  here  ?  '

'  cruel  existence  was  only  a  shame.  '

'  won't  you  tell  me  at  last  who  i  am  ?  '

'  i  hear  the  anguish  of  the  street.  '

'  if  this  is  how  i  die,  lord,  why  be  left  with  no  family  and  no  friends  ?  '

'  time  eats  all  his  children  in  the  end.  '

'  this  is  no  way  to  die.  '

'  isn't  there  anyone  to  tell  me  who  i  am  ?  '

'  that  song  is  so  overplayed.  '

'  how  did  you  find  the  entire  meaning  of  my  life  in  such  a  phrase  ?  '

'  not  even  the  dutch  speak  dutch.  '

'  i've  never  been  drunk  before.  or  kissed  a  man.  '

'  your  life  was  tragic.  '

'  how  do  we  know  it's  my  birthday  ?  '

'  what's  a  savannah  ?  '

'  it's  a  fire  sale  in  my  brain  and  everything  must  go.  '

'    you  know  i  envy  you.  '

'  i  was  building  a  life  and  you  were  satisfied  doing  nothing.  '

'  i  thought  my  life  had  meaning,  turns  out  it  didn't.  '

'  my  death  has  really  affected  me.  '

'  naturally  my  death  has  affected  you  !  can't  you  just  listen  for  once,  without  making  everything  about  yourself  ?  '

'  i  lost  my  virginity  to  a  carnie  in  a  porta  potty.  '

'  he  had  this  tattoo  on  his  forearm.  it  was  of  two  skeletons  having  sex,  and  it  said  born  to  bone  on  the  bottom  of  it.  '

'  after  a  while,  i  started  feeling  crummy  about  stuff.  '

'  i  really  wish  i  never  thought  those  things.  '

'  i  just  wanted  to  do  it,  so  i  didn't  have  to  think  about  doing  it  anymore.  '

'  i  used  to  think  that  life  was  just  a  heart  breaker.  it  breaks  til  you  can't  take  no  more.  '

'  there's  nothing  wrong  with  being  the  nicest  girl  in  town.  '

'  you  knew  all  along  i  could  never  do  it.  '

'  no  one  will  win  here,  and  no  one  can  lose.  '

'  no  one  keeps  score  of  how  hard  we  tried.  '

'  your  lucky  number  is  seven.  '

[yuyupowers]

aristocrat!seonghwa

aristocrat!seonghwa x fem!reader

genre: fluff

trigger warning(s): patriarchal society mostly. let me know if there’s anything else!

author’s note: none of the pictures are mine!!

for reference, i’m using british peerage (hierarchy). there are five ranks: baron, viscount, earl (count), marquess, and duke - the highest being duke, and the lowest, baron.

second son of a duke

i imagine seonghwa to be someone who values tradition

unlike hongjoong who finds who finds the numerous aristocratic mannerisms pointless, hwa believes upholding these (rather stringent) rules is a sign of respect

perfect gentleman pt.1

excellent in swordsmanship, horse-back riding, and hunting

well versed in poetry, literature, art, and finance

(can maintain a conversation about politics but honestly it kinda goes over his head)

a bit on the shyer side, but a decent conversationalist

good at keeping the flow and mediating in case anyone becomes a little too heated about their opinions

definitely cares about his and his family’s image

naturally caring and tends to dote on those close to him

(translates into excellent manners)

holds the door open, offers his hand when stepping out of carriages, makes sure to walk on the side closest to traffic, diverts conversation when things are too “distressing,” wouldn’t be caught dead alone with a woman that wasn’t related to him or his fiancée/wife

and surprise, surprise !!

this is where you come in

you’re the second oldest daughter, fourth child out of six; born to an earl

hwa’s family had the highest title bestowed upon aristocracy

whereas your family accumulated more wealth and land than the park family

and since both you and hwa were prime marrying age™, your parents decided upon a mutually beneficial marriage

the first time you met seonghwa was under the watchful eye of both your parents, when the park’s invited your family for dinner

tbh, you were pretty relieved when you met him

“prime marrying age” was different for men, so you were just glad he wasn’t some old geezer

and he seemed like a decent person !!

a well put together gentleman, and his image was only consolidated throughout dinner

all in all, you didn’t have much to complain about from the initial impression

though it was kinda annoying when your little sister would not shut up about how he was the handsome man she’s ever met

even if you agreed

and didn’t she say that when she met woo?

anyways

after the first meeting with the park’s, both your parents set up multiple occasions for you two to meet

whether that be evening walks, picnics in the park, etc,,,

you learned a great deal about seonghwa 

how his favourite is black, how he loved the stars and that his favourite planet was mars

how he loved kids and doted on your youngest siblings (much to your sister’s glee)

how he enjoyed spending a quiet afternoon with you reading dickens, discussing afterwards the contrast between carton and darnay

how he was always considerate of your feelings and opinions

you liked to think you were a decent judge of character and thought overall that seonghwa was a kind and caring person

but you also noticed a few characteristics that-

you wouldn’t say it was off-putting or anything but,,,

it might bother you in the future

see, you were pretty good friends with hongjoong

and while you weren’t as extreme,

(you didn’t sneak out weekly to hang out with a bar maiden that you definitely did not have a crush on)

you certainly agreed with him on certain points

like hwa, you thought that abiding by certain mannerisms = display of respect

but unlike him, you didn’t care all that much about your image

okay, that was a lie.

you couldn’t say you didn’t care about your image

(social ostracization isn’t exactly fun ya feel)

but you thought it was,,,exhausting

it’s one thing to be respectful, but it’s another thing to say things you don’t mean

to fake humility

to undermine people that are supposed to be your “friends” or “one of you”

to be perfect, when “perfect” was such a subjective term anyways

it just felt so fake and that left a bitter taste in your mouth

even now, you could see all the efforts seonghwa made to constantly keep his image of a “perfect gentleman”

with perfect mannerisms and perfect answers and perfect-

yeah, it kinda frustrated you

not to mention how obedient he was?

of course you didn’t fault him for being a dutiful and filial son, but his loyalty blinded him

and it wasn’t like his parents were bad people !!

no, you’d say they were much kinder than the average noble family

especially considering their status

but when they made important decisions for their son without consulting him,

(because they were more experienced, because they knew better, etc,,,)

and he accepted whatever decision they handed to him?

well,,,

nevertheless, despite being his fiancée, you, by this point, had realistically had known seonghwa for a couple months

and you didn’t feel like it was your place 

(at least not yet)

to point this out

so the two of you continued your cordial but emotionally distant meetings

that is until “the incident” (as hwa fondly likes to call it)

okay, so-

one day you paid hwa a visit and the two of you decided to take a walk in his family’s garden

chattering about this and that

a lovely time !!

it was a bit overcast, but it didn’t look too threatening

so the two of you ignored the clouds looming in the horizon and wandered deep into the garden

big mistake

the weather took a turn for the worst, and soon it was pouring

by this point seonghwa was a little panicked

he knew that for women, getting ready could be excessively long and tenuous task

(courtesy of his little sister’s complaints)

and now !! you were getting rained on !! because he didn’t bring an umbrella !! just in case !!

!!!!

he turns to you, ready to shield you with his jacket and lead you back to the manor

but he’s at a loss by what he sees

he had expected you to be upset, to huddle closer to him, to,,,idk, maybe reprimand him for this thoughtlessness??

but instead, he finds you staring up at the dark sky, eyes shimmering with barely contained glee with the biggest smile he’s ever seen from you adorning your lips

he likes your smile

and if he was already confused (he was), he was about to become even more so

because the next thing he knows, you’re hiking your dress in one hand and grabbing his in the other, running through puddles of water and mud and everything in between, laughter falling from you like the rain

up until this point, you had been acting like the perfect (you hate that word) lady

polite, demure, charming-

in public settings, you only spoke when spoken to, with a voice that was purposely soft and soothing

you chatted with his mother and sisters about traditionally feminine things over tea with impeccable manners

whenever you two met, you were always prim and proper; never a strand of hair out of place

but here you were, getting not only yours but his clothes soggy and muddy, laughing without a care about how pleasant it sounded or how loud it was

seonghwa liked to think he wasn’t a judgemental person-

he wasn’t repulsed or anything by your sudden change in demeanor

just.

really confused

and when you looked back, you could tell,if his expression was anything to go by

but your grin only grew wider, because you could work with this

he wasn’t enjoying himself per say; a bit too confused and bit too stiff to do so

but he wasn’t horrified or disgusted

okay maybe he was a little grossed out; he liked to be clean thank you very much

you could work with this.

and so over the next few months, you showed him things he never dreamed of doing

some of which he liked, some of which he didn’t

some he was willing to try, some, less

like sneaking into the restricted section of the library (he’s never been so scandalized in his life)

or visiting the kitchen in the middle of the night so you could teach him how to make some basic recipes (which he surprisingly enjoyed)

or meeting hongjoong

(“of COURSE it matters if they got the colour wrong?! lord help me you’re the most insufferable person i’ve ever met-”)

and the more the two of you explored, the more he,,,real he became.

and vice versa.

gradually, the mask of perfection he worked so on hard to maintain was slipping before you

don’t get me wrong, he’s still kind and caring and a gentleman

but sometimes he would whine and complain when you encouraged him to do something he was less than enthusiastic about (usually something that involved getting him messy)

or he made The Face™ (the disgusted one) to you and when he didn’t like something or someone

or he would be stupidly stubborn about some random fact that you KNEW was wrong but he just WOULDN’T admit if even when you showed him proof

(“seonghwa for the last time toads don’t give you war-” “LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” “eye-”)

once, he even playfully stole the strawberry from your cake

(big mistake. he’s never doing that again. he never knew a woman could move so fast or be so scary.)

it made you so, so happy because the two of you were finally getting to know each other

actually know each other

then one day, while the two of you were reading underneath a tree at the park

“,,,hey love?” (hwa)

“yes?”

“why are we doing this?” 

“what do you mean, dear?”

“i mean,,,i’m not complaining, but i guess,,,why did you decide to show me this part of you? the part that runs around in the rain?” hwa

you don’t reply right away

instead, you shut your book and idly stared at the willow swaying over the pond, wind running its fingers through its drooping leaves

after a few moments of silence

“,,,i wanted to know you and what you believed in. actually believed in.”

seonghwa tilts his head slightly to the side

“love, i hardly think my convictions have changed”

“but do you know what your convictions are?”

and you know when you hear something that resonates with you?

something that strikes deep in your core and makes you rethink everything you’ve know?

yeah,,,this is one of those moments

now it was seonghwa’s turn to set his book aside, falling deep in thought

after an unnaturally long stretch of silence, you began to panic a little

because ?? maybe you misread the situation and got a little too comfortable-

cause i mean you were questioning his core values, which is something he takes very seriously

o god you messed up didn’t you o crap you need to apolog-

“will you help me figure it out?”

“,,,huh??”

“will you help me figure out my convictions?” he asked

and you swear, you’ve never seen such a smile from seonghwa

one that conveyed a plethora of emotions, ranging from honesty and vulnerability, to confusion and loss, to lightness and warmth

it filled you with an unnameable feeling

like something sliding into place, fitting perfectly; like it was always meant to be there, filling you with comfort

shyly intertwining your hands for the first time, you looked up to meet his gaze with a pattering heart and a smile matching his own

“,,,of course.”

[addictedtojmanga]

Shoujo manga recommendations - otome game isekai

So, after 10+ years reading shoujo manga, I’ve read over 1k titles, admittedly, a reasonable amount is one-shot (or at least a collection of), but nonetheless, over time I had to expand my interests.

Lately, I’ve started reading the otome game isekai genre, and decided it’d be nice to share the ones I thought were best.

Most of them are pretty much the same, but the best ones usually have a twist, so...

! Warning: You’ll most likely want to beat up 1 or 2 characters from each one, but worry not, so do I and the other characters

1. Fiancée's Observation Log of the Self-proclaimed Villainess

Crown prince Cecil was so brilliant that everything in life was easy to the point of boring him, then one day, his fiancée Bertia suddenly said "Prince Cecil, I am a villainess!" Claiming that this world is the same as that of an "otome game" from her past life and that she is playing the role of the "villainess" in it, she aims to play her part well and have their engagement annulled. With that goal in mind, she sets about causing turmoil in Cecil's daily life.

This one definitely takes the gold for me. Super sweet and pretty funny.

2. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

Most people would prefer being the protagonist of a world full of adventure, be it in a game or in another world. But, unfortunately, a certain girl is not so lucky. Regaining the memories of her past life, she realizes that she was reborn in the world of Fortune Lover—one of the games she used to play. Unfortunately, the character she was reincarnated into—Katarina Claes—is the game's main antagonist, who faces utter doom in every ending. Using her extensive knowledge of the game, she takes it upon herself to escape from the chains of this accursed destiny. However, this will not be an easy feat, especially since she needs to be cautious as to not set off death flags that may speed up the impending doom she is trying to avoid. Even so, to make a change that will affect the lives of everyone around her, she strives—not as the heroine—but as the villainess.

This one takes 2nd place! It has a different result than others, and the FL is great - everyone is, to be fair.

3. Of Course I’ll Claim Palimony

"I'll annul our engagement!" My fiancé suddenly declared?! Apparently he's in love with the recently transferred count's daughter and is planning on making me the villain in order to annul the engagement. Although I have no lingering attachments about the engagement, I do have to claim a hefty consolation fee don't I?

This is sooo good. The FL is spectacular and manages to stand out - even if just a bit - from the rest of the genre.

4. I’m a Villainous Daughter, so I’m going to keep the Last Boss

Avoid the BAD END! That's the goal of the villainess in this plot-twisting story!! She has been reborn into the world of an otome game as the villainess, Irene. Using her memories of her former life, she recognizes flags indicating she's en-route to the bad end, so she makes a plan to conquer the last boss (the evil king Claude), make him her lover, and see if she can open up a new route!

Pretty funny, and the FL is bold. Also, the ML is a bishounen.

It’s one of the few mangas from this genre that has been completely translated, and since it only has 13 chapters, it’s a good way to start out.

5. The Plain & Unnoticeable Me is No More

Elaine Lana Norris, who was born at the top of the aristocratic daughter, was declared abandoned by her second fiancé at the school's founding party. Lana, who has been made a villain daughter, is driven out of her home by a strict grandfather. But there is a secret in Lana that everyone doesn't know about?

I don’t want to give out any spoilers, however, it suffices to say that she accepts her role as the villainess.

Ok, I think these 5 are my favorite, but the ones below have been selected as well, so they’re still pretty good and worth reading.

6. The Villiainess Is Adored by the Crown Prince of the Neighboring Kingdom    

Tiararose was supposed to be disengaged and exiled from the country. “This was the Otome game I had played!” She realized on the day before the story’s ending??……. Shall I wait for the judgment? But, I did not do anything too cruel……. Thinking so, the ending continues. But, during the judgement??something that was not possible in the game happened. The neighboring crown prince courted the villainous daughter Tiararose.

ML: 10/10 FL: 8/10 (too insecure for my taste)

7. Endo and Kobayashi’s Live Commentary on the Villainess

She’s always putting on that grumpy face even though she’s not actually that upset! Oh, why can’t she just be honest with herself…!??? She is a tsundere, after all? When her embarrassment levels exceed a certain limit, she will explode into anger. However, the point that she’s suppressing under the surface is that she wouldn’t mind that sort of thing if it were in a less public place.? As Endo-kun passionately reacts to the antics of Lady Liselotte, the villainess of an otome game, Kobayashi-san provides a painstaking breakdown of her tsundere behaviour. Suddenly, one person could hear their voices; Liselotte’s fiancée, Prince Siegward. That is where this story begins.

8. I’m the Villainess, but the Capture Targets are too Abnormal  

The villainess, Mystia, remembered her past life on her 10th birthday and has unwittingly turned the characters in the otome game "Kyun Kyun Love School" into yanderes! In order to avoid becoming the love rival of the "heroine" who will lead her to her downfall, she starts making every effort to break off her engagement with her "prince-like classmate"! That’s was what supposed to happen...But, because of her kind personality, her favorability increased instead!

It’s still in its beginning stages, but seems pretty solid.    

9. Though I May Be a Villainess, I'll Show You I Can Obtain Happiness!  

A collection of one shots.

Great way to start out, it has quite a few options, so if you don’t like one, give another one a try!

10.  The Villainess, Cecilia Silvie, Doesn't Want to Die, So She Decided to Cross-dress!      

I was reincarnated into the body Cecilia Silvie, the villainess of an otome game. According to the plot, what awaits me in the normal route is either a slow, painful death or an instantaneous one... Essentially, every route leads to my demise. Then I'll change my fate! And that's why I decided to become a man. However, I made a mistake during a certain event, and the story began to head down an unexpected path...?

I haven’t seen any other like this, and if you like gender bender, this one’s for you!

11.  I’ll Become a Villainess That Will Go Down in History ― The More of a Villainess I Become, the More the Prince will Dote on Me

Alicia is the eldest daughter of the noble Williams family—a bloodline that excels in dark magic. Her jet-black hair and golden eyes command a powerful presence, but her most unique features are, without a doubt, her sharp tongue and malevolent nature. By all means, she is a villainess, but also a fictional character from an otome game!

12. I’m Not a Villainess!! Just Because I Can Control Darkness Doesn’t Mean I’m a Bad Person!

The novel The Saint Beloved by the Prince is set in the land of Lacia, where spirits control the elements, each of which is overseen by a "Spirit King." On rare occasions, these Spirit Kings may bless a single human, granting them immense magical control over their respective element. The heroine, Amelia Logan, and the villainess, Claudia Leitzya, are two sides of the same coin, blessed by the Light and Dark Spirit Kings respectively. However, while Amelia is beloved, Claudia is hated and rejected due to her dark skin, ebony locks, and aptitude for dark magic. After dying in modern-day Japan, Sakura is reborn as an infant Claudia. While difficult at first, Claudia tries to adjust to this new life, all the while accompanied by the Dark Spirit King Gerald. But even this task is far from easy; people fear her at first glance, no matter how she acts toward them. Still, Claudia is set on changing her fate from the novel, proving she is a good person and breaking free from the shackles of a "villainess."

13. Rebirth of the Villainess: The Life of Letizia after the Engagement Annulment      

For some reason, the duke's daughter, Letizia, was plotting to break her engagement with the prince. Her plan succeeded and the prince, none the wiser. But shortly after the engagement was terminated... The King collapsed! In that moment, she recalled her memories of her past life as a nurse and she fully utilised her knowledge & experience as a nurse, to save the King's life. Thinking she had achieved what she wanted, she thought she could finally relax, drinking her favourite beverage and leisurely spend her time, she instead somehow keeps getting involved in incident after incident. The slow and peaceful life is now nothing but a dream!? Lazy daughter, busy seeking freedom and laziness!

14. I Won't Become a Villainess. I'm Just a "Normal" Duke's Daughter!

A Japanese person reincarnated into an otome game chock full of death flags for the villainess, Rosalind. "I'm going to live an enjoyable life in this world!" Making full use of the game knowledge to avoid death flags, for some reason events keep happening one after another?! Contracting with spirits, helping her father (the prime minister) with his work using her modern day knowledge, taking a walk with the holy beast... and on top of all that, even starting up the heroine's event...? Will Rosalind be able to smash through every unknown death flag that comes her way...?! And will she be able to be fluffy lovey-dovey with the supporting beastkin character she liked from her previous life?!

Cute. Has beasts.

15. Milady Just Wants to Relax      

She worked herself to death in her past life, but then she was reborn in another world as the villainess Ronia! As expected, her engagement is broken and she's expelled from society, but now she takes that chance to live peacefully, and even opens a cafe with the help of her fairy comrades, which is becoming unexpectedly popular with beast-kin...?

Also cute. Also has beasts.

16. I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!            

Violette, a proud and beautiful daughter of a duke, commits a crime out of jealousy towards her half-sister. Convicted, Violet faces her own heart with sincerity in a prison cell and regrets her sin. Then time rewinds to a turning point—to her first meeting with Maryjun one year ago. Violette makes a decision. She will not make mistakes this time. Without committing a crime and bothering anyone, she will live an ordinary, plain and inconspicuous life...! However, incidents contrary to Violette's expectations occur one after another...?!

17. I Became a Villain Daughter

On her 15th birthday, Hinase Kaede, a young girl who was working as a part-timer, perished in a traffic accident. Upon her death, a self-proclaimed “God” appeared, declaring that Kaede would be brought back to life. However, Kaede’s happiness was short-lived and her soul was thrown into Erika, the villainess of an otome game! In the original game, Erika became a saint candidate alongside the heroine, committed evil deeds over the course of the candidacy, and ultimately faced condemnation. Thus, Kaede decides that she will not get close to the main characters of the game so as to avoid the bad end, but yet——?

[j-amespotter]

★ the last great american dynasty - s. b.

“i had a marvelous time ruining everything.” 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Muggle-born!Reader 

x. x. x.

Summary: A one-shot diving into Sirius’s complicated relationship with Grimmauld Place and where the Muggle-born he falls for fits in.

Genre/Warnings: angst, emotional abuse, alcohol, language, mentions of death & war 

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: so.. this is more of a character study on sirius & his dynamic with his family – i know this song is meant to be about a woman but it also screams sirius to me. i’m a sucker for romance so it’s a reader-insert. fun fact, i was almost done writing this when i realized i wanted it to be a wolfstar fic, but i was too lazy to change it, so just putting that out as a concept lol. let me know what you think & if you’d like me to tag you in future works!! 

masterlist

When Sirius first showed signs of his rebellious nature, Walburga wasn’t worried. After all, many children were incapable of sitting still in large gatherings, mouthing off to their parents, or incessantly teasing their younger siblings. “He will be kept in good company. He will learn,” Walburga would say to her husband. He often exasperated her, but there was no denying her immense pride. Despite his antics, even at a young age, Sirius displayed impressive magical ability and had a commanding presence – excellent qualities for the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. 

She worried only a little when he preferred to spend time with Andromeda, who was clearly becoming disillusioned with their family values, and Alphard, who Walburga believed was beginning to get a little too soft. Still, the Blacks were not raving lunatics. They were traditionalists, committed to upholding the high standards of Wizarding society. Sirius would not defy them, not when the weight of their bloodline rested on his shoulders, not when Regulus would never be able to stomach such responsibility.

On his first night at Hogwarts, Sirius didn't write home. It wasn’t until the morning after that Narcissa delivered the dreadful news to her mother. Walburga’s sister-in-law relished discussing this most recent embarrassment, as the family’s attention was now off her daughter’s courtship of a mudblood. Young Sirius, their direct heir, was sorted into the House of Muggle-lovers and blood traitors, into the House of Godric Gryffindor.

Blown apart by this development, Walburga turned to her younger son. She had no intention of repeating her mistakes and resolved to train him for the responsibility that should have belonged to her eldest. That way, if she was unable to correct Sirius’s behavior, she had back-up. Her legacy was secure. 

During every subsequent holiday, she noticed that the damage was getting more-and-more irreversible. Sirius unabashedly consorted with infamous blood traitors and pathetic half-bloods. He seemed to dread seeing his family as much as she dreaded seeing how much of him she had lost. She tried; no one could say she didn’t. But she was too stern with him. He had inherited his flexibility, or lack thereof, from her. She pushed him too far away. Soon, he stopped returning home for Christmas. When he was sixteen, she spat at him as he closed the door to Number 12 Grimmauld Place one last time, without sparing her a final glance. 

He never expected he would have to return. Offering up the property to the Order seemed like a good idea at the time – he hardly put any thought into it. That was how he made most of his decisions. His track record certainly proved so. When Remus didn’t have anywhere to stay, and neither did the newly-reformed Order of the Phoenix, Sirius knew that his family estate in London was not just their most ideal option, but also the only one they had. 

He managed to enter undetected in his Animagus form with Remus. He had to hand it to fate – there were no extra security measures to keep him out. It was as if she anticipated his arrival. Swallowing, he absorbed his surroundings. Despite the eerie silence and decomposing furniture, it looked like an image straight from his memory. Sirius suddenly felt sixteen again. 

What he did not expect to see, however, was a currently-sleeping life-sized portrait of Walburga Black in the hallway. Though now in his human form, Sirius growled inadvertently. She knew. She always knew that he would come back. She wanted to be there when he did. Unbelievable, he thought to himself. 

Aware of Remus’s wary gaze on him, Sirius walked forward and began pulling on the frame. “Get off, you hag! Remus, help me get this off!” 

Remus went to join his old friend in what seemed like a fruitless mission in his mind but came to an abrupt halt when the portrait, disturbed by her son’s grunts, awoke in a flash of fury. “Filth! Scum! Abomination of my flesh! You are no son of mine,” portrait-Walburga hissed. 

“Shut up, just shut up!” He had not heard her voice since he was near a Dementor, reliving the worst of his teenage years. The visual made it much, much worse. 

“Permanent Sticking Charm, it seems…” Remus said to appease his friend, pulling the withering velvet curtains over its towering frame with all his strength.

“This is torture,” sighed Sirius. “Maybe we can find another place.” 

Remus refused to meet his eye. “For now, it is all we have, Sirius. If it was going to be a problem, you should not have offered it to Professor Dumbledore.” 

Sirius frowned. “It’s all I’m able to do this time around. It’s not like I can go around trailing Death Eaters and infiltrating the Ministry with everyone else.”

“Hopefully, it’s only temporary,” assured Remus, though he was equally as uncertain about Sirius’s fate as a fugitive. “Try not to let this place get into your head, okay?” 

Sirius Black was never good at keeping promises. He had three-and-a-half decades of evidence to back that up. In the weeks following, the Order settled in, consisting of many highly competent Aurors, half-a-dozen Weasleys, and an ex-Death Eater he could do without seeing. Sirius found himself never too far from alcohol, itching for more access. He longed to see Harry and to get away from his wretched house-elf, along with the constant, stinging reminder of his mother's existence. 

But there was something else inside of him, something he couldn’t describe. It was an emotion that was egging him on. He felt it inside of him every time Kreacher muttered complaints about wandering red-headed blood traitor brats. It swirled in his stomach when his mother shouted scathing insults at the clumsy half-blood and filthy half-breed that took temporary refuge in the former pure-blood paradise. 

Then she came. 

She was new. She worked at the Ministry; many of his houseguests were incredibly fond of her. He recognized the innocence in her eyes. It was the same innocence that he had when he first joined the Order seventeen years earlier. It was the same innocence that differentiated every new member from every returning one – they had yet to see tragedy in its fullest form. 

“Hello,” she greeted. She seemed strangely unperturbed by the fact that she was in the presence of an alleged mass murderer. “I’m (Y/N). I’ve been told this is your house. Thank you for playing host.”

“My pleasure,” responded Sirius. Involuntarily, he reached for her hand and kissed it. Suddenly, he became painfully aware of his hollowing cheeks, untamed hair, and liquor-infused breath.

She flushed slightly at the gesture. Black family habits die hard. Just because he chose to refrain from practicing them did not mean he had forgotten, nor did it mean that he wasn’t any good at them. 

Walburga Black’s portrait watched her son fall in love with her. Sirius watched her watch him. There was no telling how she would react. Regulus was dead – it was up to him to preserve their family’s name and purity.

(Y/N) was witty and flirty and incredibly intelligent. He found himself feeling a decade younger as he enjoyed their banter and her overall easiness. Before long, she kissed him in his dimly-lit pantry, and he was too selfish to stop her. They would kiss in every corner of the house, hardly caring that anyone was watching, ignoring the ghosts living within the walls. For Sirius, (Y/N) was his greatest act of defiance. She was born to non-magic parents. As narrated by a disgruntled Kreacher to his now-helpless mistress, she was nothing but a “filthy mudblood.” 

One night, weeks after the children departed for Hogwarts and the house was, as on most days, empty, he caught her staring at the Black family tapestry. Without making a sound, he inched behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hello, beautiful,” he whispered, pressing a kiss on her shoulder. “Sickle for your thoughts?” 

She leaned into him. As the days went on, she would tire easily. Still, she found happiness in Sirius as he did with her, and they both were old enough to know to reach for it in any capacity they got. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid. Let’s get to bed.” 

“As much as I’m a fan of that idea,” he started with a smirk, “you look upset. Is it work? Fudge?” 

“No, nothing like that.” Her fingers traced his blasted name on the wall. She looked thoughtful. “I’ve just… noticed something about you.” 

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” 

“The way you look at your mother.” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s no secret that I hate her. I hope that’s not off-putting. You’ve seen what she’s like – it was worse when she was alive. I promise I’m a gentleman in general circumstances… for the most part,” he added cheekily. 

She smiled tightly. “No, I get it. It must be terrible for you, being back here.” 

“It is,” he affirmed. “I’ve got you, though. You make me happier than anything, love.” 

“That’s the thing,” she uttered as if it pained her. Sirius could stare at her fiery expression for days on end. To be on the receiving end was strange. “I can’t help but think that you’re only in love with me to spite her. Like your feelings aren’t love, they’re just a culmination of your hatred for her.” 

It took Sirius an eternity to process what she just said. Realizing that he was not going to say anything, she continued. “Believe me, I know you hate it here. But at the same time, you look so… satisfied. You’re hosting a bunch of blood traitors, half-bloods, and a werewolf in this place that was once the pinnacle of blood purity. You’re providing a haven against the bloody Dark Lord. And worst of all, you’re with a mudblood.” 

“Don’t call yourself that,” interrupted Sirius harshly. 

“It’s the truth. If you weren’t in this position, would we even be together?” 

“Of course,” said Sirius. To answer this question, he didn’t even have to think. “I love you because you’re you. You’re beautiful and smart and make me laugh until my stomach hurts. You’re so good with Harry and you can put anyone in their place. You make me feel new again… God, that’s fucking sappy, but it’s true. I indeed hate this place and I hate her but… but if I let her dictate my choices, even when she’s bloody dead, then she’s won. I don’t want her to win. If I was only with you for your blood status, then I would be no different from my mother.” 

She stared up at him, her eyes betraying a wave of emotions. She reached up to kiss him, tangling her fingers in his hair. “Thank you for saying all of that. Just hold on for a little while, alright? Soon, we’ll be out of here. We can have our own house – you, me, and Harry.” 

He smiled at her sadly. It seemed too unreachable of a goal to him at the moment. “By the beach?” “Wherever you’d like,” she answered, leading him to his bedroom, his only sanctuary in the horrible house. 

As they made their way towards the stairs, Sirius glanced at the tapestry over his shoulder, at the seven generations of Blacks behind him. He gently squeezed (Y/N)’s hand. For the first time in his entire life, he felt the weight of carrying his name lift off him. He’d done his part to corrupt his bloodline. It was time for Sirius to focus on himself in a way that the shadows of his past never allowed him to, even in his schoolboy days with James. Being a Black was a part of who he was, and even a disowned Black deserved his long-overdue happiness.

Tagging: @strawberriesonsummer​

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Dear 'Anime Bad' Anon: I Want To Help I pity your situation, so please have a list of weebshit that isn't moeified, or wherein the cutesy art-style serves a greater purpose. (Note: though they won't be soft marshmallow uguuuu, they may still have issues in other ways. Some may have aged badly with regards to how society views or portrays groups or beliefs, some may have upsetting content and dark themes, and some may simply not be to your taste. Note: Anime is a genre, not a monolith, and the disparaging stereotype that it's all cute girls uwuing over their brother s-s-senpai!!! is as much of a disservice as saying all western movies are just vapid cash grab superhero movie sequels with no inegrity or thought put into them. There are indeed a lot of superhero movies, but they're not all identical schlock (megamind vs venom vs kick-ass),  but even more than that, there is a wealth of creative endeavor just beyond the veil of Marvel's cape: just as there are plenty of good anime if you dig past the isekai high school harem wish fulfillment genre that no one wants to keep making but people keep making because it prints money to a very small demographic of the animation equivalent of a mobile game whale thereby allowing this frankly quite-small industry to work on engaging and worthwhile series where the budget permits, Regardless,)

Mushi-shi: -Pros: gorgeous animation, tranquil vibes, episodic stories so you can cram in an episode between classes or on your lunch break. highly recommended by the literal-who typing this out. -Cons: some themes or stories may cause emotional distress, learning to tell apart Urushibara Yuki's characters is a learning curve.

Baccano-Pros: meticulously-researched 20s-and-30s-era mafia violence with a hint of the supernatural, as a treat, told anachronistically with flair and jazz music. practically made to be binge-watched. the novels are finally getting translated into english as well. -Cons: lots of characters to keep track of, fair bit of blood and violence, some scenes or themes may be upsetting, lots of jumping around between different time periods. See Also: Durarara, another series by Ryōgo Narita with a ton of characters and a plot with more threads an overpriced sheet.

Cowboy Bebop-Pros: incredibly well-regarded, space bounty hunters are cool, episodic series that slowly takes on a plot towards the end, fantastic animation, scoring, and even dub work.  -Cons: some scenes or themes may be uncomfortable, some parts have not aged quite so well, the smart doll version of the main character is ugly, you're gonna carry that weight.

Trigun-Pros: starts lighthearted, develops an increasingly investing plot as the series goes along. fictional westerns are cool. this world is made of love and peace -Cons: some scenes or themes may be upsetting, and probably will be. gun violence is naturally present, but that ain't all of it.

Hellsing (standard or Ultimate. or Abridged)Pros: vampires killing nazis. the original adaptation isn't bad, the second adaptation (ultimate) is generally viewed as an improvement. abridged is a youtube parody version that was so popular the voice actors reference it in convention interviews.Cons: a Lot of violence, even trending to the gorey side of things. Uncomfortable Themes Everywhere, but it's a horror-tinged action series about killing nazis, so that's to be expected. 

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood-Pros: while the original anime was quite good, the second iteration is a large improvement. does to alchemy what naruto does to ninjas: It's Basically Battle Magic. the plot starts on a strong note and doesn't let up from there. -Cons: there are distressing scenes and themes that may or may not be tolerable to the viewer. there are moments of cheesecake and even an occasional joke or a moeblob here and there, and it's not all doom and all gloom all the time, but this doesn't detract from the abject horror-despair that comes to permeate this series as it progresses. finally understand why people on the internet respond so negatively to the name 'nina'! 

[Mod: many more recs/reviews under the break, worth reading for those who like more obscure anime and animation]

Grave of the Fireflies-Pros: you will remember how to cry. it's a good reminder that one country's 'triumphs' often come at the expense of another country's people.  -Cons: this movie is incredibly dark, do not watch if you are in a bad headspace. see also: Barefoot Gen, a similar tale but this time from the perspective of an actual survivor from Hiroshima.

Michiko to Hatchin-Pros: an actually diverse cast of characters tangled up in a messy and very humanizing story, interspersed with Shinichiro Watanabe's particular flare for adventure. -Cons: some scenes or themes are very likely to be distressing. can be tricky to find, too.

Mo no no Ke (not the ghibli movie, though it is also quite good.) -Pros: incredibly unique art style and pacing that draws heavily from japanese theatre traditions, every screenshot is wallpaper-worthy. -Cons: may cause motion sickness. it is a psychological horror series, and one that does not need blood, nor gore, to cause visceral emotional response in the viewer. scenes and themes will be distressing- as really, that's the point.

Tokyo Godfathers-Pros: a transwoman, a (self-identified) homeless bum, and a runaway teen girl find a newborn in the baby on christmas. incredibly wholesome, somehow, and grounded in reality, with wonderful animation from the tragically late satoshi kon. -Cons: it is grounded in realism, and sometimes, people are dicks. mild transphobia warning, too, but in-universe- the transwoman herself is portrayed with kindness and allowed to be her own (wonderful!!!) person. still, viewer be mindful.

Kino no Tabi (the first series is my preferred, the second is shinier but lacks emotional impact- in my onion.) -Pros: mostly episodic, very unique series that can be gritty where it counts and kind where it matters. -Cons: some scenes or themes might be disturbing. finding it's not easy, either, and unfortunately, i don't think the novels are being translated right now, either.

Spice and Wolf-Pros: it's mostly about economics. there are shenanigans, a harvest god, and a slowly burgeoning romance, sure, but it's still mostly about economics. -Cons: there are moments of cheesecake and comedy, and moments that may cause distress to the viewer. it may or may not be to your taste.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica-Cons: yeah i know, it's moeblobs.  -Pros: you're gonna watch 'em die, though, in case that may interest you. it's quite a good subversion of the magical girl genre overall. somehow volks hasn't made an MDD of anyone from the series and i will never understand how that didn't happen.

Wolf Children: Ame to Yuki-Pros: watch a family grow together as a newly-single mother does her best to raise her twin children after the tragic loss of their father.  -Cons: keep tissues handy. certain scenes or themes may be uncomfortable.

Lupin III (Red Jacket, Ghibli, and the new 3D animation are all A+) pros: heist comedy elevated to an art form before half (or more!) of the people reading this were born. the english dubbed series that used to air on adult swim is a treat. cons: this franchise started in THE SIXTIES, so naturally, some shit has not aged well. certain series (fujiko mine) are darker than others in themes and material. the 3d movie that released recently is an excellent starting point.

Samurai Champloo-Pros: breakdancing samurai, a fascinating roster of characters, and a superb soundtrack by the tragically passed Nujabes. -Cons: it was made in the weird era of the transition from analog to digital animation and so the /series master/ was animated at a painfully low resolution, so even if there's a bluray out there (I haven't looked,) it will be an upscale, which doesn't always look the best. as well, there are scenes and themes that may make the viewer uncomfortable here and there.

The Works of Studio Ghibli Oh, I'm sorry, Ponyo too suffused with childhood wonder for you? My Neighbor Totoro not depressing enough?  In addition to the infamous Grave of the Fireflies, Studio Ghibli has made a wealth of movies that aren't aimed squarely at the kodomo (children's) sector. -Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: climate change existential dread, the movie -Castle in the Sky: government obsession with obtaining weapons of mass destruction destroys everything beautiful, the movie -Pom Poko: human-caused deforestation and urbanization is destroying the natural world and all that live in it, the movie -Princess Mononoke: industrialization will be the death of everything beautiful in the world, the movie, with a side of sometimes everyone (and no one) is the villain when everyone is simply trying to survive -Howl's Moving Castle: The Physical Manifestation of Depression is a Liquid Ooze, the Movie, also War Is Bad It's not all depressing, but let it never be said that Hayao Miyazaki was subtle. Whisper of the Heart is a good coming-of-age story, Kiki's Delivery Service is a classic, Tales from Earthsea is divisive among fans of Ursula K. Le Guin but I personally liked it. From one studio alone there is a wealth of opportunities.

And that's really the point. These are just some from the top of my head. There are so very many options outside of the cute-girls-doing-cute-things genre that I couldn't list them all if I was here for a week. Or as Madoka Magica so ruthlessly showcases, even series that appear a certain way on the surface might not be what you bargained for once you look into them! These are all (I think) mostly older, mainstream-appeal series that should be easy to track down, too -- there are all kinds of singular animations like The Diary of Tortov Roddle, crowdfunded experiments like KICK-HEART, Masterpiece World Theatre renditions of classic (western) novels that never get talked about, films like A Silent Voice that confront social issues- and of course, series like Rozen Maiden that helped popularize this very hobby!

There is literally an ocean of content to explore from Japanese creators alone, and it opens up even more if you look into works from other parts of Asia- just look at how popular manwha have become, or Chinese animations like Leafie, a Hen Into the Wild! It's a genre unto itself, with all the breadth of content and inter-industry problems that come with it, and without any of the respect that similar art forms have been granted over the years. The way an entire culture's art form is often disparaged, disregarded, and belittled- and by extension, the way most of Asia's animated endeavors are often rolled up into that reductive dismissal along with anime and manga- is honestly Not Great, and there is absolutely a thread of xenophobia that runs through it. The industry has so very many problems (low wages, poor training, overwork of everyone ever, archaic financial modules, the exclusivity and breadth of merchandising necessary to turn a profit and how it leads to consumer burnout and disconnection over time, and yes, the way minors are portrayed not just in anime, but in Japanese media in general- and how much of that is actually bad (some of it is indeed,) and how much if it is cultural difference (I've heard people call the scene where the family in Totoro bathe together problematic because of the nudity, but I've also only heard people say that from the West)

-- none of the actual problems affecting the people who produce this medium are gonna improve when the general response to "animators frequently have to live at home to survive" is "that's what happens when you're a weeb."  It's 5am and I'm gonna point out the problems in the narrative around how we discuss this genre of entertainment because it's important, damn you! Regardless, thank you for coming to my unasked for and overlong TED talk about animation on a doll collecting drama blog, feel free to call me a pathetic weeb etcetera on your way out- but while you do so, might I suggest you also go watch a choice animated series! My current go-to is Bofuri, which is a cute-girls-doing-cute-things moefied isekai series that I refuse to apologize for watching. Be free. (The battle scenes are great and it captures the feeling of learning to play a new MMO with your friends better than most video-game-based anime I've seen in a long, long time. does anyone even still remember .hack? how about serial experiments lain...?)

~Anonymous

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Monster of the Week: The Undead!

From spooky scary skeletons to the original zombies, let’s have a look at the undead who have risen around the globe! This will not include vampires (which I have already compiled a post on) or ghosts (which I plan to compile a post on.)

Note that many of these can best be understood -- or only understood -- in their original cultural context, and I encourage you to continue your research if the lore interests you.

Skeletons/Skeletal Creatures

I am, for whatever reason, enthusiastic about skeletons. There’s a drama to them. They look like they’re perpetually grinning, or grimacing, which makes them oddly relatable. As an artist, I’m always thinking about them as the framework for poses. 

More importantly, there’s one in all of us -- sorry if that made you uncomfortable -- which makes them a universally recurring being in global folklore. Let’s take a look at just a few.

Gashadokuro

Literally translating to “rattling skull,” the Gashadokuro is also called Odokoru (giant skull) or simply “the hungry skeleton.” That basically tells you all you need to know. 

These big boys (and I mean REALLY big) wander around the countryside at night. Their name derives from the eerie rattling noise produced by their giant skulls. As chill as this may sound, the Gashadokuro is not actually chill at all, and if you come across them they will not hesitate bite your head off. This may seem like a jerk move, since they don’t even have a stomach, but they need the energy of the living in order to sustain themselves.

Like most undead fellas on this list, the Gashadokuro has its origins in the real world. They are thought to originate from the mass-graves, usually of those who died under violent or inhumane circumstances, the supernatural byproduct of countless skeletons. 

The first Gashadokuro was thought to have originated after a specific bloody rebellion, in which the bereaved, sorceress daughter of a samurai summoned a giant skeleton from the mass grave of the rebelling soldiers and used it to attack the city. Queen behavior, if you ask me.

Santa Muerte

Image Source

Let’s conclude this portion with my favorite skeleton (excluding Baron Samedi, who doesn’t count, as he is often depicted as a man, or a man with a skull-like face), the goddess/folk saint Santa Muerte.  

I still have a lot to learn about the rich folklore surrounding Santa Muerte, but to my understanding, she was born of a combination of pre-Columbian Indigenous religions and Mexican-American folk Catholicism. 

Depicted as a skeleton in beautiful, feminine attire and considered to be embodiment of death, Santa Muerte is a healing and protective figure. She is beloved by legions of worshippers, despite condemnations from the Catholic church, and symbolizes a culturally positive relationship with death. 

Despite appearances, she is a life-affirming figure.

Zombies and Reanimated Corpses:

The Draugr

When we hear “zombie,” we don’t traditionally think of “Norse mythology.” And yet, the Nordics had their very own zombie mythos, boasting some truly terrifying undead.

It is said that they first emerge from their graves as little more than wisps of smoke and a stench of decay, before adopting a humanoid form that boasts superhuman strength, the ability to change size at will, and the ability to shape-shift. 

They aren’t mindless -- far from it. They boast an anthropomorphic intelligence, which makes them all the more dangerous.  

As to what drives them from their graves? Jealousy and bitterness towards the living. Relatable, honestly. 

The Jiangshi

(Note: I wish they were all as adorable as the one in this gif.)

This Chinese hopping corpse may have evolved into more of a vampire by Western influences, but it was originally far more zombie-like. And a unique zombie at that. 

Due to rigor mortis, the Jiangshi hops stiffly from place to place, holding its arms straight out. What’s even more singular is their origin. Try to guess. Go ahead, try. You won’t be able to.

The Jiangshi is what occurs when a bereaved family, lacking the proper funds to send their loved one’s body back to their ancestral land for burial, hires a necromancing corpse driver to reanimate the cadaver and guide it as it hops back to its resting place. They’d travel at night to avoid or minimize decay, either prodded by a stick or to the beat of a drum.

Other ways to create a Jiangshi include improper burial, suicide, or possession.

Looking upon a Jiangshi is said to be bad luck, and presumably very unpleasant. However, the real problem is their insatiable appetite. 

But fear not: if you see an unhealthy looking fellow hopping towards you with pasty, possibly decaying skin, you can protect yourself with mirrors, the hooves of a black donkey, or the wood of a peach tree. They can also be scared off by the sound of a crowing rooster, though that would require a bit of planning, and the cooperation of the rooster in question. Which, knowing roosters, is unlikely. 

Haitian Zombies

All legends of the undead have roots in real tragedies, but this one is particularly upsetting -- and the source of the zombie legend in the Western world today.

The enslaved people of Haiti believed that death would set them free, sending them back to an idyllic version of their homeland unburdened by colonialism. But only if death came naturally. Suicide would turn them into mindless husks, carrying out the drudgery of their captors. A haunting parallel to the practice of slavery itself. 

The concept was introduced to a contemporary audience by the 1932 film White Zombie, which sees a white “voodoo master” (who clearly didn’t know anything about the actual Voodoo religion) using witchcraft to create obedient slaves. He eventually uses this (ahem) “”voodoo”” on a white woman to try and force her to fall in love with him. 

With the term “zombie” in public consciousness, it became an applicable allegory for all of society’s ills, and can now be used to refer to anything from mob mentality to consumerism. But few are as haunting and as disturbing as its origins.

Videos on zombies: 

The Origin of the Zombie, from Haiti to the US

Where Zombies Come From

100 Hundred Years of Zombie Evolution in Pop Culture

Best Contemporary Zombie Movies*

*That I know of. Will update with more.

Night of the Living Dead - Though White Zombie introduced the term, it was arguably this film that popularized zombies as we know them today, particularly as an allegory for herd mentality and consumerism. Its successors, including Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead, prove similarly influential. 

The Evil Dead Trilogy - Established that zombies can be fun, while also serving as an allegory for various societal problems. Also features undead that are refreshingly ravenous and evil without necessarily being mindless.

The Re-Animator - These days, the average zombie movie pushes the bounds of creativity is “make ‘em faster!” The Re-Animator’s take on the genre, however, would make Mary Shelley proud. Based loosely on the Lovecraft story, “Herbert West - Reanimator,” the films greatest triumph is its ability to have fun with its grisly premise, and compel the audience to have fun, too. It’s also a cautionary tale about why it’s important to be careful while getting a roommate. 

Shaun of the Dead - I’m not kidding. This film is great, and shows that you don’t need a serious tone to be heartfelt, scary, or provide a thought-provoking social commentary. Way back when I was a sixteen-year-old college freshman, I turned up to class as a zombie cheerleader, and my psychology professor recommended Shaun of the Dead to me. She’s a woman of impeccable taste, and it did not disappoint. 

28 Days Later - Before Cillian Murphy gave us Tommy Shelby, a gangster so pretty he could give Al Capone a sexual identity crisis, he was proving his mettle in the zombie-addled UK. For 2020 reasons, watching him wander the abandoned streets of London with a questionable haircut feels very topical. Add a stellar performance from Naomie Harris, and there’s a reason it sent me into a bisexual panic it’s considered a modern classic of the genre. 

Little Monsters - An egregiously underrated flick, featuring a kindergarten teacher (who happens to be, you know, Lupita Nyong’o) protecting her class during a zombie outbreak. A must watch if you want a zombie movie with a powerhouse lead, a happy ending, and perhaps the most badass kindergarten teacher in cinematic history. 

[tsu9live]

Before I start, this is in no offence to anyone else’s opinion. You are all valid and probably make more sense than me. This is a bit of a rant and then a short character study.

Warning: This got too long.

I tend to come online for manga updates and ended up reading through opinion posts because I am a curious cat. Most of the time I come across really well-thought out posts, really valid points. But then MHA is also a soap opera/family drama where the main character is not supposed to have any progress in his story unless its to bolster or move along the other favs . But then they shouldn’t be bolstering his story either because why is a story about Deku’s journey all about Deku?

But then there are people who are happy Deku is finally edgy and they want him to wipe the floor with his classmates who love him and are willing to fight him if only to get through to him. So there are both extremes and honestly there is validity in all these thoughts because despite the writer’s intentions, a reader brings the story to life.

I personally hate making my own predictions because most of the time I feel it ruins the experience of reading a work for me. I go in with different expectations and when the story goes a different way I don’t enjoy it as much but I feel its more my fault.

So I do understand and respect the difference of opinion because there is no fandom without discourse.

In my opinion though, this Deku solo arc was a long time coming and I think Horikoshi has handled it really weird. I’m still trying to understand what he wants us to think about.

A story about heroes and putting your life on the line for someone else is controversial, but, I thought it was a given. Recklessness had been part of Deku’s character but an overly-cautious character would do nothing. Deku’s lack of self-preservation wasn’t unnatural for a hero, he rushed in to save Bakugo from the slime-villain when Pros stood by putting himself at risk but it spurred AM to act. Katsuki experienced it as well during the war arc, when his body moved to save Deku.

Going to Kamino to save Bakugo was suicidal, reckless and potentially flawed but story-wise it made sense. How is hero-work anything than risky? Kirishima and Todoroki initiated it.

Disclaimer: Deku, Bakugo, Uraraka, Momo, Toga and Shigaraki are characters that are very dear to me because they have had me extremely invested since the beginning of the story. This is my personal opinion, flaws, rant... basically me working through my feelings about this manga I had been obsessed with recently.

1) There is an opinion where Bakugo had a right to be upset/angry/bully Deku because he wanted to be a hero but did nothing for it. Firstly, I don’t understand the need to justify his behaviour when he himself has expressed regret on it. People want others to move on from the “go jump off the roof comment” but won’t stop talking about how everything about Bully Bakugo was justified. Deku was weaker, but he had the same dreams, dreams that were the basis of their friendship earlier on. Regardless of how Deku wanted to achieve them, Bakugo had no right to keep trying to stop him from doing so. No, 5, 10, 14 year old Bakugo did not do so because he had the brilliant foresight that Deku would be self-sacrificial and it was for his sake, he was an angry kid and Deku was a timid, wannabe that confused him, intimidated him even. Taking out his anger was a way of working through those feelings. He was in Deku’s words “a punching bag”. In a world where the powerful reign, Bakugo couldn’t understand how a quirk less, weak little boy could think he could stand shoulder to shoulder with someone as gifted as Bakugo. Yeah, society is very much to blame. The change and maturity Bakugo goes through where he is humbled by a cast of amazing hero students who are just as gifted yet with inspiring personalities and then traumatic consequences of being kidnapped, watching his hero use the last of his powers to hold back a great evil, having that fight with Deku where he bared himself open, failing the licensing exam, training with todoroki, the internship... the war has changed him in a way that has brought out his full potential as a hero and a person. There is a lot to admire about him yet I see so many people fixate on headcanons that glorify his every action/word instead of praising the amazing person he has become/how well written his growth has been.

2) “Deku wanted to be a hero and he did nothing for it”. “He could have been a quirkless hero like Batman.” Listen, the story is about AFO vs OFA first and foremost. Hori has done a good job of worldbuilding and adding a cast of interesting characters that its easy to forget what the main plot point of the story is. But it really is about a weak/timid boy who was born with a sort of handicap who dared to dream to be someone strong enough to have others rely on him instead. A lot of the times people want to become something they feel they needed, someone who gave people hope just by existing. Its natural for someone who is ‘considered useless’ to want to be the most useful person ever. His mother didn’t believe he could do it, Bakugo told him repeatedly he shouldn’t even try, everyone else made fun of him, and his hero gave him a wake-up call, no... you can’t be a hero without a quirk. Deku studied heroes and quirks all his life, hoping he’d find something that could work for his advantage. Not every hero relies on physical strength, their bodies are adapted to the nature of their quirks. Deku’s analysis, quick-thinking and impulsive nature is what helped him progress even after getting the quirk because he didn’t gain control until really late. People act like he was handed power, seem to forget he has just learned to use it without consequences. His studies of quirks also made him the best candidate to get new quirks, quirks that he has learned to utilise as tools quickly and efficiently. He was doing what he thought was going to help him become a hero without guidance, without backing and constant discouragements. Its admirable and relatable. If you don’t relate to him that’s fine, your life was different.

Batman was loaded. Deku is not an inventor. The Editors shot that idea down because it would not have survived in a genre where power fantasies are the main hooks. Aizawa, sure he’s training Shinso because he sees his potential now but he would have either expelled Deku/moved him to General studies on that first day for scoring the least in that test. He changed his mind not because of Deku’s quirk but because of Deku’s ingenuity.

When Deku did find his guidance, he tried to do years of work/training in a short period of time. He acknowledges how far behind he is, that the rest are leagues above him and all he wants is to be able to stand side by side with those incredible people and he would go to all lengths to do so. DEKU has never said he wants to be the number one hero. He always says he wants to be one so reliable he saves people with a smile and later on, he wants to be a hero that can save without having other people worry about him. Bakugo works hard, he’s not just exceptional he works hard for it, all of 1A do but saying Deku does nothing when he is constantly shown, studying, training his body, understanding his shortcomings and working on it is just petty. You don’t like him because of his saviour complex, newsflash, that is a hero thing. Hero course is about that, Deku’s is just highlighted because of how often he gets hurt. How can you be a Todoroki stan and hate Deku (although to be fair its your right, I’m just making a point), the kid saw Shouto and decided that it was more important for Shouto to stop hurting and gave him a hell of a fight. I still remember Shouto’s smile, it gave me goose bumps.

Deku’s lack of self-preservation is a part of his programming so much that he hasn’t noticed it yet. Deku broke his bones, but he didn’t realise the permanent damage. When Deku got injured with Muscular, he was never intending to fight him alone. He wanted backup, his phone was broken and he wanted to get Kouta out and tried but Muscular gave him no opening. He was driven into a corner and fought his way out. Like Aizawa said, “He got that injured because he has no intention of dying.” Before rushing to find Bakugo, he informed his superior first, knowing she can spread the message.

The fight with Stain, he messaged his location to all his classmates, didn’t intend to fight Stain alone, just defend Iida long enough for help to come along. Fight with overhaul, he just wanted to get Eri away and when he understood Eri’s power, he gave her the opportunity to fight back against her oppressor by teaming up with him, keeping her secure with the cape made out of Lemillion’s hair. During the whole fight he was present-minded enough to take the fight away from civilians and managed to prevent damage and casualties. During Natsuo’s rescue he played support.

During the war arc, he realised with despair that Shigaraki was coming in all his destructive glory for him and tried to stop him before but he didn’t object to Bakugo joining him. In the movie Heroes Rising (the initially planned ending) he willingly gave OFA to Bakugo, because he trusts him with his life, and was willing to be quirkless again if that’s what it took to keep the kids safe, and himself and Bakugo alive. Its mostly been good decisions on his part.

Its the war arc that’s been his downfall. Watching his childhood friend/rival almost die, his best friend, his mentors almost die while he could barely hold Shigaraki back set off a fight or flight response in him. The seriousness of how Shigaraki came for him and left such death and destruction in his wake because he was not strong enough and AFO is a monster and the sight of Shigaraki and the reality of his situation pushed him down the current path. His solo arc started well because constantly training in the field has helped him master his quirk, and he had the backup of the vestiges who trained and guided him in learning to use it as a toolset instead of a one-punch solution. Then coming face to face with the flaws of hero society and the power, manipulative nature and destructive intentions of AFO has prepared him emotionally. He is not acting like AM, he hasn’t in a while. He is acting like NANA and i don’t blame him because she’s in his head. No adult stopped him from doing this, instead using him as bait to lure out the league.

When they started realising he’s spiralling out of control, that’s when they realised they messed up.

He’s running on adrenaline/fumes alone and I think he’s actually terrified.

“AFO is OFA’s responsibility” “Tell the world I am here” “You’re not as strong as me yet,” “You are not a worthy successor”

Deku isn’t self-centered and but I agree with the screw loose comment (its years of “you are useless, not good enough, not worthy and I bet a dozen or so concussions, bloodloss, dehydration lol). I know Bakugo means well and that’s how he talks. At the moment, he’s probably the only one whose sole goal is Deku’s survival. Deku’s like a wild animal, terrified, lost and as always backed into a corner. AFO has him where he wants him and I am curious to see how class 1 A are going to get through to him. I don’t want them to fight, all those fanarts of Bakugo reaching his hand out to Deku and then maybe punching him in the face would have been a lot better then the mocking (the slow clap was a little triggering for me) but again maybe it just bothers me and Deku needs it. I’ll just have to wait and see. Deku and his class together would be an unstopabble force and I am waiting for that to finally happen.

P.S. Class 1 A looks so mature, everyone going crazy about Bakugo and his tie and I’m here like, look at baby Kirishima and his roots <3

I’m sorry if I gave anyone a headache lol.

[isshuns]

the progression of things - discarded scenes

this is a dump post for scenes that were in the original draft, but never made it to final version of the fic. they bear no connection to the final version of "the progression of things”, but i liked them enough that i couldn’t bear just deleting these scenes (TPOT underwent a lot of editing and rewrites) ;_; they were part of the original premise where I wrote Miyano as ace/demisexual, but in the end it didn’t work out ;_;

click on the “read more” link if you’d like to read them, but take note, they’re were part of the rough draft, hence are extremely unpolished. 

Miyano remembers being fifteen, his school bag heavy on his shoulders, but his heart heavier in his chest. Every day he looks at the mirror in his bathroom and wonders why he was cursed with such feminine features, a smaller build than the rest of the boys in his school; everything on his face seemed wrong as though nature forgot to switch its genetic code back to “MASCULINE, MALE” when constructing his face.

He couldn’t blame his parents, they never had any say in what he’d look like when he was born, and his mother would be heartbroken to hear that her son, bearing such resemblance to her looks, actually hated his own.

But as slightly estranged as he was from his middle school classmates when his looks came up as a topic of conversation, Miyano still heard Things whispered amongst his peers, seen Things even, when his classmates included him in their weekly get-together to ogle at printed materials meant for a demographic way beyond their age.

In the flush of youth, where the boys in his class pondered over their body anatomy, fascinated with nature, and looked to adult magazines (stolen from their older sibling’s stash) for enjoyment, Miyano pondered over the harsh reality of his feminine features, upset but resigned with nature, and looked to fashion magazines (taken with permission from his mother’s collection) for pointers on how Not to appear even more like a girl.

(His father’s copies of Business Weekly helped a little too, even if only to remind Miyano how top businessmen in the country dressed for a business photoshoot with the press – suit, tie and expensive watch peeking from the cuffs.)

When the passage of time came and went and Miyano entered high school, he discovered the world of Boys Love manga and dedicated his free time to understanding the intricacies of this fascinating genre. Being a minor, the type of print he could obtain were fairly sweet and innocent, nothing too explicit save for some scenes that took place on a bed, the protagonists’ modesty preserved with a flimsily drawn blanket over their nude bodies.

Occasionally, a book or two with explicit content would make their way to his collection. The internet was also a place full of wonders and possibility, and once or twice Miyano would (secretly) look up the famous series promised with rave reviews, but somehow, Porn Without Plot never really stuck to his repertoire.

Even after becoming of age, Miyano still finds himself gravitating towards the safety that comes with the PG-13 books. There is a strange sort of comfort in consuming fiction that depicts love as something simple and uncomplicated, straightforward and representation that love– intimacy did not necessarily come hand in hand with sexual acts. Intimacy could exist with or without sexual acts and vice versa, whatever floats your boat, really.

For Miyano, it was always the build up leading to that ultimate confession scene (at the rooftop, under the cherry blossom tree by the school yard, the back of the school gym, endless options) that grabbed him by the feels and punted him into the sun. That’s where the highlight is!! He once told Sasaki, unable to hold back on his excitement that twinkled in his eyes.

And identifying all the event flags leading up to that very moment of their first kiss? Unparalleled. Truly the best of all scenes there is. Peak romance. The bedroom scenes (few and rare in his possession) are really just a bonus.

So, while his peers continued to chat about going through the motions in bed, the closest miyano could ever try to relate to during those conversations was the intimacy that came along with the idea of sexual intercourse.

-------------------------------------

The moment Miyano is done with the last of his midterms and bids his notes goodbye (for now), Sasaki magically appears beside him and whisks him away to the nearby izakaya for a celebratory dinner.

“For getting through the first midterm week of your life~” His giant baby boyfriend coos, ever so sweet like the cakes he bakes.

Miyano pretends to be exasperated, shoulders dramatically slumping over the sticky izakaya table, but his heart knows better. It’s been one month since he’s started college (the one Sasaki also so happens to attend, not a coincidence at all), and the privilege of having more time to spend with one another makes Miyano giddy with happiness.

Gone are the days Miyano can only meet his favourite senpai for a handful of hours after club activities until the reality of their courseload slaps them in the face; gone are the days they have to rely on telephone calls and text messages, where the minutes and seconds flashing across the screen serve as an unforgiving reminder of the time they have left before they have to part ways.

It’s all gone now. Sasaki sits before him, in the flesh, and Miyano has always felt that seeing Sasaki’s smile in person would always be different from seeing it on screen. The grainy pixels on his phone can never do those handsome features justice, nor can it the warmth blooming behind his breastbone whenever Sasaki threads their fingers together and walks him all the way back to his dorm.

The freshmen all share a common dormitory block separate from the rest of the college students, something about building connections and getting to know each other better, so Sasaki insists on walking Miyano back to his room before he makes the trek all the way back to his own. The night is young, the dorms are peacefully quiet, and everyone is probably still out in town having a good time.

---------------------------

Loathe as he is to do so, Miyano makes the executive decision to drop by the bookstore one afternoon to try and consult a few adult BL manga. It’s the worst idea he could ever come up with, he hates comparing his own relationship to silly BL manga tropes, but nothing short of an apocalypse would push him to ask the people around him whether it’s normal to… not think about sex in a romantic relationship. While the internet is a wondrous place full of answers and possibilities, Miyano figures it probably wouldn’t hurt to take a peek at how society tackles his questions through the lens of BL manga.

Hurriedly, just before his date with Sasaki, he randomly picks up one of the highly rated R-18 series, heads over to the payment counter quickly, and bolts out of the store the moment the cashier bags his purchases. He makes sure to stuff the damned volumes deep beneath his bag, out of sight, before he heads over to the café to meet Sasaki for lunch.

And when he’s finally back in his own dorm later that night, his roommate blissfully unaware and asleep, Miyano retrieves the book from his bag, cautiously peels away the plastic wrap before he settles down for the night to take notes.

His efforts are all for naught. Halfway through the series – one Junjou Romantica –, it takes Miyano all but 3 volumes before he calls it quits and and promptly closes the book. Guess there’s no way he can redeem his money now, unless Sasaki is into dubcon…? Well, that’s a thought for future Miyano to ponder on. Current Miyano just wants to sleep and wash the images out of his mind with bleach.

-------------------------------

he has no care for sex, but nothing compares to the tender happiness that comes along with partaking in something sasaki enjoys and yearns for. sasaki’s language of love has always been touch and spending time partaking in activities of common interest.

today, sasaki has picked a soothing lo-fi playlist as their background music. they’re seated on the bed, warmly nestled against each other as they browse through their respective manga

his eyes may be on inked pages, but his heart is long gone. he discreetly observes his boyfriend, the curve of his jaw, long lashes almost curling against the high of his cheekbones as his honey-gold eyes flit across pages and pages of content.

the fingers flipping through each page is steady, long, and miyano suddenly wonders how it would feel to have them splayed across his body, touching him in places his own hands have never ventured before.

“what’s wrong, myaa-chan?” sasaki smiles at him, eyes impossibly fond and kind.

well, fuck it, there’s no going back now.

“senpai, what do you think… about… BL with explicit content?”

sasaki blinks. miyano tampers down the urge to kiss those parted lips.

“you mean books with sex scenes in them?”

“yeah.”

“oh.” sasaki turns away, the hand that’s not rested on miyano’s shoulder has found a place on top of sasaki’s mouth. he’s embarrassed, miyano realizes, and somehow that makes him feel ten times more endearing than usual.

sensing that this was a topic his boyfriend wasn’t going to let go any time soon, sasaki clears his throat and returns miyano’s gaze head on.

“i’m fine with it. why do you ask?”

“i… well.” while miyano struggles for words, sasaki hand starts moving up and down his arm, soothing him.

“are you starting to read rated manga? it’s normal, at least, ogasawara’s girlfriend says so. so there’s no need to be shy, myaa-chan! if you want to recommend any, you know I’ll read anything you lend me. no judgment here.”

it should have been reassuring, but the thought that ogasawara’s girlfriend discussed with sasaki about explicit BL manga like it’s the fucking weather has miyano choking on his spit. what the actual fuck.

do people actually talk about these things? is miyano the abnormal one instead for never entertaining the thought of doing things with his significant other?! has he been missing out on some code of relationship couples ought to follow?! the BL mangas he read never said so!

“myaa-chan? are you okay?”

“you- you talk with ogasawara senpai about these things?”

sasaki’s cheeks colour a lovely shade of red. from his looks, he’s starting to catch up with where miyano wants the conversation to go. that’s a relief, because miyano honestly doesn’t know how to tactfully broach the topic without sounding like a dumb dumb about these things.

“yeah, i do.” sasaki admits, “but only once or twice, because ogasawara needed to vent about things. sorry, does that weird you out? i can stop. i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“no, no, it’s fine. totally fine, senpai.” it must be a common boys topic that somehow eluded miyano and friends during high school. at this point, miyano’s face must be burning with the hot flames of embarrassment and shame, he’s pretty sure sasaki’s fingers can feel the heat all the way from where they are, stroking his cheek absently.

“what brought this on, if you don’t mind me asking?” sasaki asks a moment later, when the weight of silence in the room gets a little too much to bear.

“just… some friends talking about it the other day.”

“friends.”

“yeah… fine, classmates.”

“are you… thinking about it?”

at miyano’s surprised expression, sasaki backtracks immediately.

“forget i asked.”

“to be honest, i don’t know what to feel about it.”

“it’s okay, we don’t have to do what you don’t want to do.”

it’s so painfully awkward yet endearing at the same time.

“do you think about it, senpai? about us… doing those things?”

sasaki’s lack of an answer is extremely telling. the shade of red coloring his cheeks is probably bright enough to rival miyano’s own face.

“does it matter? i am happy with doing whatever myaa-chan wants to do.” sasaki finally says, but his eyes have shied away from miyano’s gaze, and something within miyano snaps.

“of course it matters. it’s you, sasaki-senpai. i want you to be happy too. i want to do things that you want to do too.”

something akin to hope blooms across sasaki’s eyes (surprisingly moist).

“thank you, myaa-chan. that thought alone makes me happy enough. let’s leave it here for now and let things progress as they naturally would, how about that? we don’t need to rush into anything. i’m really happy with where we are now.”

he knows that sasaki has caught on to his sexual orientation, no doubt. it’s been a year since he became of age, and yet the BL manga he still buys have never ventured into the explicit genre. briefly, he wonders if sasaki actually keeps his own stash of porn somewhere below his bed, like normal boys would do.

they aren’t in high school anymore. it’s been years, and yet until this point, the thought of doing something more than kissing and cuddling has never crossed miyano’s mind. he wants to cry at how respectful his boyfriend has been all this while.

“myaa-chan? myaa-chan? oh no, yoshikazu, don’t cry. i’m sorry if i said something wrong-”

oh fuck.

miyano has always been uncomfortable with displays of affection and attention, preferring to bask in the comforting arms of his daydreams and fantasies, but his love for sasaki burns greater and he will do anything he can to ensure that sasaki receives equal, if not more, affection and care than the amount his boyfriend showers him in.

scene ends with sasaki hugging miyano tightly, reassuring him and planting a kiss at the side of miyano’s temple. but it does nothing to seep away the frustration gnawing at his bones.

END

[minghaocouture]

Pairing: Templar!Kim Mingyu x Elf Mage!Reader Genre: Dragon Age AU, enemies (?) to lovers, angst, established universe WC: 5k+ Warning: magical lobotomy (through branding), language

A/N: So this is for @merakiiverse job au collab! I’ve been wanting to write a Dragon Age au for like...ever, and this just gave me the push I needed. So there are some terms from the game used in the fic but I did my best to explain them without taking away from the story. Also really glad i finished this before i got sick lol. 

“Come on wake up!” You groaned, slapping away the hands of your best friend as he tried to shake you awake. You had gotten to sleep pretty late last night, having snuck into the circle library to do a bit more reading after hours so you were trying to bask in the last few minutes of sleep before your lessons today. 

You heard a loud groan from the younger male before everything seemed to turn upside down and your frame was sent tumbling to the stone floor of the Apprentice Quarters with a loud thud and a shriek. Your eyes snapping open to glare at your dear friend Chan with his hands still gripping the mattress that he had just thrown you from. 

Quickly you shoved your palms against the chilled stone flooring to push yourself up, as the male laughed hysterically and dropped the mattress back onto the simple wooden frame of your bottom bunk. 

“Chan, I want you to remember that we are trapped in this tower together for the rest of our lives. So I will be getting you back for this.” You muttered angrily as you brushed off your scratchy white sleeping robes that the circle had provided for you. Fueled by frustration, you quickly fixed up your bed so that the senior enchanters wouldn’t be angry with you for making a mess. 

“Hey come on, don’t be like that!” He quickly exclaimed, offering you some assistance with fixing your bed if only so he could get on your good side once again. It’s usually what he would do to try and get on your good side, things like taking your cleaning duties or distracting the templars so you can sneak into the libraries at night. “I woke you up for a reason!”

“And what would that be?”

“They brought in new templars, fresh new faces for us to make fun of!” He made a good point. During your extended stay in the circle Chan and you had taken to picking at the Templars that were assigned to ‘guard’ the tower, well the Templars that wouldn’t immediately attack or detain you for your teasings. You shuddered as you remembered being thrown into the cramped cell that was used for solitary confinement. 

“How many this time?” You questioned, pulling your daily robes from the chest at the foot of the bunk beds that you and Chan shared. You swiftly stripped yourself of the uncomfortable white material of your night robes and slipped on the navy blue skirt, once again curious as to why the skirts had such delicate embroidery on the hem if they were simply to be given to mages. Maybe it was something to make your people think they were in a higher position than they were, either that or a small ‘oh here are some pretty robes, we definitely consider mages people!’ kind of thing. You weren’t too sure. 

Chan took a seat on the bed as you tied the skirt to fit your waist, he wasn’t bothered by your disrobing at this point. After all, the two of you had been in this tower since you were children and it wasn’t like the tower offered much privacy for any of the apprentices. If you wanted that you would have to pass your harrowing, only then would you receive private quarters.

You struggled with your skirt for a moment, it being far too big for you, but it wasn’t like they made new robes for every apprentice; everything you owned was a hand me down from either a senior enchanter or...a tranquil. 

“There were four of them, they all looked like they came right from training too. No old farts this time,” He explained, lounging on your too thin mattress as you slipped the top piece on, the long sleeves and thick fabric felt just as suffocating as it did every day, and it also continued to show your status as a lower being in the eyes of these people. The small gold trim wasn’t as nice as it was on the human’s robes, and you were sure that was the point. It was something that looked nice, but not as nice as the human mages robes that Chan wore. It wasn’t enough that your mage abilities make you a lesser being but your elven blood as well, you were certain that the Maker had a sense of humor when he made you. 

With practiced ease you tied the laces of your sleeves around your wrists before working on the clasps of your belts. It was a constricting and suffocating outfit that made you feel quite claustrophobic at times. As if the robes were just as bad as the tower itself.

“Well, I guess let’s go check them out. Gotta let these newbies know that not all mages are just gonna let them walk over us.” You tried to seem optimistic but after being in this tower for almost 16 years, it was a little harder to force that smile sometimes. Which was why you were grateful you had Chan with you, the two of you looked out for each other no matter what happened.

He hopped off of your bed and took a firm grasp on your wrist before pulling you out of the shared apprentice chambers, ignoring the strange looks from the templars and other apprentices as the two of you dashed into the hallway on the first floor of your prison. 

The two of you peered around the corner into the entrance hall as you watched the initiates be inducted by Knight Commander Greagoir, the head of your captors, he was telling them all about their duty to the citizens of Ferelden and the Chantry, all that nonsense. It was basically just propoganda to make these people feel like they had the right to place themselves above you.

The new initiates weren’t too impressive, once again all humans of course, because the precious Chantry couldn’t trust elves such as yourself to become Templars. Most likely because elves would be more likely to opposed the confining of people just for circumstances of their birth, at least the ones who weren’t already brain washed into believing the Chantry’s inane teachings. That thought always reminded you that even if you weren’t trapped in this tower, you would simply be in an alienage in one of the many towns around Ferelden, another prison. Elves simply weren’t welcomed or free anywhere, at least not in a human society. There were surprisingly three women and only one male this time, which was abnormal because women seemed to stray more towards becoming Chantry sisters than Templars. So that was interesting, you’d have to figure out their names. The only interesting thing about the male was his ridiculous height. He looked almost tall enough to be a member of the Qunari, all he was missing was the horns, or at least you assumed since you had never seen a Qunari in real life. 

If only you knew what would follow this day.

***

“You know, you aren’t supposed to be in the library after lights out.” 

You almost screamed in surprise at the unfamiliar voice. You knew the schedule for the Templars and usually you were able to skirt around and hide whenever it was time for their rounds to reach the libraries. Apparently tonight was determined to be different. Glancing up from your book you flashed the Templar a sheepish smile, instantly recognizing this man as one of the new initiates whose name you had yet to learn. It wasn’t exactly...forbidden but initiates were definitely encouraged to not give their name to the mages or learn the names of the mages either, it was probably so they didn’t connect that you were real living beings and develop a conscience. 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I said I had an incurable illness that causes me to sleep walk around the tower, would you?” You were likely to be in deep shit because of this. Knowing how new recruits were, usually the super brown nosing type, they wanted to make superiors happy so that they could get promotions. Unfortunately for you, that usually meant getting mages into trouble.

Knowing this was probably why you were so shocked to hear the giant male snort, in an attempt to hold back a laugh. In all the years of living here, you hadn’t met a Templar who actually laughed at your jokes or smiled at you...like this male was doing right now. He glanced over his shoulder looking towards the opening in the shelves that hid the two of you from view. This library was almost perfect for hiding, the rows were like their own little hallways with bookshelves that almost reached the ceiling which was perfect for blocking the light of your candle when you were here at night. He must be checking to make sure that none of his co-workers had entered the library after him. 

Soon his attention was back to you, a small boyish smirk on his faces as he spoke. “Well I suppose I’d ask you to tell me about this terrible illness, is it contagious? I’m not sure the other mages would like it if I was roaming the halls in my sleep.” 

You were once again dumbfounded by this human. You wouldn’t expect him to think about what would and wouldn’t upset the mages, usually the Templars just did what they wished with no regard for those they were meant to be watching over. 

“No, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t like that. Lucky for you, I was born with it just like my hideous magic.” You didn’t truly believe that your magic was horrible. If everything was done by the Maker for a reason, then so were mages! People were just taking Andraste’s “Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him,” thing a bit too far. 

“I don’t think your magic is horrible. It’s a gift from the Maker! The Maker doesn’t give bad gifts,” He confessed, quite a controversial opinion for a Templar to have. With one more glance over his shoulder to make sure that the two of you were still alone, he pulled out the chair across from you and took a seat.

“I’m Mingyu. What’s your name?” 

***

After that fateful night in the library, Mingyu and you kept in contact but only in the dead of night and only when he was scheduled to patrol the first floor library. Tonight was one such night.

“Chan is getting suspicious, ya know?” You mentioned, laughing softly from your seat at the table the two of you frequented. He raised a brow at you and tilted his head slightly, his lips jutting out in a small pout. He honestly looked pretty adorable like that, nothing like the fearsome Templar act he had to put on during the day. 

“He thinks I’m shaking up with another apprentice and not telling him.” 

“Imagine the look on his face if he knew you were just hanging out with me.” Mingyu retorted, going to rest his cheek on his palm only to remember that he was wearing his gaudy templar armor and deciding against it. This caused him to pout more and for you to laugh, making sure to keep your volume down so you weren’t caught by anyone else patrolling the area.

A silence fell over the two of you as your laughter subsided. It was here where the two of you were illuminated only by candlelight that you felt safe. That was something you weren’t used to feeling. In the Circle, there was a constant need to watch your back and be on your guard just in case some random Templar got pissy because you ‘looked at them funny’. It was a struggle for survival.

These nights were different though. You could almost imagine that you weren’t locked inside this tower you could dream about possibly being free and in the outside world that you vaguely remembered. Hell, how long had it been since you had seen the sun?

"How long have you been in the Tower?" 

The question was innocent enough, but it definitely threw you off guard. It wasn't something you liked to think about often. It had been so many years ago and it wasn’t exactly a...pleasant memory.

"It's been...I think about 17 years almost? I developed my magic when I was around 6 years old and my mother was very devout. So she turned me into the chantry, saying that the Maker had frowned upon her and her family by giving them a Mage for a daughter." It hurt a lot thinking back on the day that your mother had abandoned you. Her pleas to the Chantry mothers, begging them to take you as she also begged for the Maker's forgiveness. Thinking she had obviously done something wrong if she had given birth to a mage. 

You watched a frown set it self onto his face, obviously not having expected to hear such a thing. Most parents went so far as to hide their children from the Chantry, making them apostates, illegal mages, so that they wouldn't lose their precious bundles of joy. Just like Chan's parents. They had fought tooth and nail to keep him when the Templars came, it even cost them their lives. Chan didn't like talking about it but you knew that he still had frequent nightmares about that horrible day.

"What about you?" You questioned, diverting the attention from your situation and onto Mingyu. "Why did you become a Templar? I'm sure being a regular knight would have been just as nice, if not easier. At least knights aren’t also stuck inside the Circle tower." It may not have been a prison to the Templars, but they were still trapped inside these halls as well. Most weren’t really able to leave either unless they were going to visit their families, and even then that was rare.

He chuckled dryly at your words and shook his head.

"Something we have in common, I suppose. My family is also very devout, very deep into the teachings of the Chantry. All the men end up becoming Templars if they can. It's in our blood. So of course, as soon as I was old enough to hold a sword I was sent off to training to try and become the best Templar the Kim line had ever seen." The look on his face was one of melancholy, one that you recognized as a look that you had seen on other mages. The look of someone trapped in their own fate.

"Guess we're...kinda in the same boat, huh?" You gently nudged his arm that rested on the table with one of your fist. It was a small gesture, but one with meaning for both of you. Reaching out he gently, or as gently as he could while wearing full plate mail, took your extended hand in his own. The cold metal was a stark contrast against your heated skin, causing you to shiver lightly. He gave a small squeeze and a tiny smile made it’s way onto his face, as if he had been comforted by your words. 

You felt your heart stutter for a moment, watching the features of his face in the candle light. It was still for a moment before he released you hand and stood from his chair. 

"I should get back to my patrols before any other the others get suspicious. I'll leave a note in our spot when we can meet up again."

You were moments away from responding but stopped short as he leaned down and pressed his lips softly against your forehead. You were stunned still and silent as you watched him pull away, smiling at you once again, before slipping off into the night. 

Your heart pounded in your chest as you stared after him in shock. Your face flushed with heat, and you knew that Kim Mingyu would be the death of you at this rate.

***

"I hope this doesn't offend you but...what is so bad about being made Tranquil?" 

You winced slightly at his words, the thoughts of the Tranquil always frightened you. Of course, being a Chantry boy, he had been told from a young age that being made Tranquil was a mercy for mages. Because if you were Tranquil then at least you were alive. It was all a lode of rubbish. Instead of just answering his question, you decided to ask one of your own.

"Do you know Owain? The Tranquil who runs the Circle stock room?" He nodded slowly, unsure of where exactly you were going. "I arrived at the tower before he was turned. He was a kind man who took me under his wing and helped me adjust to life at the tower. I was very young and so very scared, but Owain had basically turned into a father figure for me. I cared for him so much." You felt tears prick at your eyes, threatening to spill over as you recalled the man you once knew. 

"One morning, a few years after Chan had been sent here. I had to have been around 11, well we woke to find Owain standing in front of the stock room just like he does now. Only he was no longer the kind, father figure I had grown to love. He was so cold, lifeless. Being made Tranquil isn't a mercy to mages, it's taking every part of them that makes them who they are and ripping it away." You tried to keep quiet, but the more you spoke the more anger and fear bubbled in your guts. You had barely even registered that you had begun crying.

"You become a lifeless husk that holds the shape of who you used to be."

You couldn't bring yourself to look up from the table, to watch the emotions that were surely playing out on his face as he watched you cry. You were surprised at how silently he had moved, because you were soon pulled to stand and held tightly against his armored chest. It wasn't too comfortable because of the plate mail he constantly wore, the metal poking into your skin and it reminded you that while this embrace was comforting...it was also dangerous. Against your better judgement, your arms quickly wrapped around him and pulled him closer as you tried your best to keep your cries quiet. As you sobbed you heard him whisper soft nothings to you, but one stood out from the rest.

A promise that he would never let you be made Tranquil.

***

It wasn't long before those soft forehead kisses from before became kisses of passion. Soon you didn't need the candle light as your guide as you followed the curves of his body under his armor. Things changed quickly, and before you knew it two years had passed and you were hopelessly in love with Kim Mingyu. Something that should have never come to pass.

You were certain that at least First Enchanter Irving knew, he somehow knew everything that happened in the Circle Tower, and while you weren't a very religious woman, you found yourself praying to the Maker that Knight Commander Greagoir was still clueless. Unfortunately the one person you wanted to talk to about this was the person you were most determined to keep in the dark. 

Lee Chan, your best friend.

"You should tell him." Mingyu, gently caressed your cheek, his gloves had been taken off long ago as the two of you lounged in your usual spot in the library. Your meetings had gotten farther and fewer between as he rose in the ranks of the knights and you stayed a simple apprentice. 

If you were being honest you were a bit worried about that as well, but Mingyu assured you that it was nothing to be concerned about. 

“Oh sure, that’ll go well. I can picture it now. ‘Hey Chan, you know the Templars who watch our every move and are sometimes ordered to strip us of our entire sense of self, yeah I’m in love with one of them. The tall lanky one that has been trying to joke with you, yeah the one you complain about all the time that’s him’.” You chuckled to yourself as you thought about his reaction to that, and not really realizing what you had just admitted. Not until you glanced over at Mingyu and found him staring at you dumbfounded. 

“You love me?”

You froze, like a A million thoughts raced through your head, all of the best and worst possible outcomes. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if this was just fooling around? What if he said he could never love an elf and he had just been using you? What if, what if?! Your heart thudded loudly inside your chest as you stared at him, unable to enunciate the way he made you feel.

Luckily for you all of those what ifs were cut off as his hand grasped the back of your neck and pulled you into a kiss filled with such fire that you could almost feel yourself being burned. Everything he wanted to say was trapped inside this kiss, you weren’t alone with your feelings and this kiss told you all you needed to know and more. 

After a string of long, intense kisses that you were almost certain would lead to another round of light touches and soft moans, he pulled away. His forehead pressed against your own and a large almost blinding smile was plastered on his face.

“I love you too.”

***

You stared at the small flame of your candle in silence, he was late. Usually he was exactly on time, never early and definitely never late. It was too dangerous otherwise. Your stomach was in knots at the thought of what could possibly be keeping him. That’s when you heard the sound of armor clanking against the stone flooring, almost like the person was running. Since you weren’t entirely sure it was him, you quickly blew out your candle and slid under the table to hide. 

The footsteps got closer and your heartbeat seemed to be almost as loud as the steps themselves. You only relaxed at the small call of your name. The familiar voice had you out from under the table in record time.

“You scared the daylights out of me Mingyu, I was worried something had happened.” You confessed, using a small bit of your magic to light the candle’s flame once again. The light gave way to the terrified look on his face, streaks of tears stained his cheeks, and you found yourself running to his side to wipe away the fresh batch that was threatening to spill out.

“Mingyu, baby what’s wrong?” You whispered, doing your best to comfort him by taking his hand in your free one and using the other to gently caress his cheek.

“We need to go. The Phylactery chamber, we need to find yours. I need to get you out of here.” His deep voice cracked as he tried his best to control his tears. He looked so frightened and pale even, despite his tanned skin. Your heart sunk as you thought of your Phalactery, the vial of blood that had been taken from you when you arrived and was stored inside a chamber with all of the other apprentice’s. It was the templar’s way of tracking you if you had ever escaped, and was the biggest reason you had never attempted to escape the circle.

What he was suggesting was crazy though, there was no way the two of you would be able to storm the Phalactery chamber, there were two locks and it required a fully realized enchanter to unlock one of them and you...had yet to be called for your Harrowing. So you tried to console him. 

“Baby, what are you talking about? You know we can’t do something that crazy. If we get caught you’ll be kicked out of the order or worse, sent somewhere like Aeonar. Why are you ev-”

“They want to make you tranquil.” 

Your heart stopped at his confession, eyes going wide as your blood chilled within your veins. Subconsciously you took a step away from him in disbelief, you didn’t question the legitimacy of his words because you knew for certain that he wouldn’t lie to you like that. Not when he knew your fear of being made Tranquil. You watched as he stared helplessly at you and began speaking once more.

“Knight Commander Greagoir thinks that...he thinks that you might be a blood mage. Even suggesting that you- that what we have is because of a demon’s influence.” He took a step forward to close the distance between the two of you, taking your hand back into his own. He liked holding your hand, he had said in the past, it made him feel loved so very loved.

“I know it’s not. I tried to talk to him but he...he wants me to perform the rite. Which is why we have to get you out of here!” 

Your mind seemed to be going a million miles per hour but also seemed to stop all at once. Your limbs had gone numb as you stared blankly at the floor in terror, you weren’t sure what to do. If you ran on your own then they would just send Templars to find you and with your phylactery, it would be quick work and both you and Mingyu would end up dead. If you followed Mingyu’s plan, you would most likely be caught and turned Tranquil anyway only with this route he would also be punished for his crimes. Lastly, If you stayed, you would be made tranquil at the hands of the man you loved. There was no winning in this situation, there was never a winning choice for a mage.

You pulled your hand from his grasp, causing a small pained sound to leave his lips, breaking your heart as it did so. 

“You have to do it…”

“Y/N no! We talked about this I won-”

“We don’t have any other choice!” You cursed yourself after your outburst, though at this point you weren’t sure you could get into anymore trouble. “If you got caught you would never be able to see Minseo or your parents again!” You had spoken of his family in great detail before, and you couldn’t bear to know that he would never see them again just because of his attachment to you. 

You didn’t want to be made Tranquil, but you also didn’t want anything bad to happen to him. This was the only option where at least one of you would be able to keep living freely.

Thinking about the fact that your days were now numbered scared you, the numb feeling from before seemed to linger but you couldn’t find it in yourself to cry. Not now, not when you had to seem like you were certain of your decision. He needed that from you.

So you swallowed your terror and gently cupped his cheeks in your hands.

“You have to do this Mingyu. There isn’t any way of getting out of this. Not that will actually work.” You muttered, voice soft as you kept eye contact with the male. You felt his hands reach up and rest over your own, and took solace in the fact that what the two of you felt was real. At least for a little while longer. 

“If it’s you...it’s okay.”

You had never lied to Mingyu before, but...this seemed like a good time to start.

***

The grip on your forearms was sure to form bruises, but at least after this you wouldn’t feel them. 

You stared before you as the branding rod held in Mingyu’s tight grip lingered over the open flame, making sure that the metal would be hot enough to etch itself into your skin. 

You couldn’t stop the tears that fell from your eyes, and you had sure tried. You knew that seeing you cry could cause Mingyu to hesitate, falter or even flat out refuse the order which would make this all for naught. At that moment, you felt so hopeless. Everything you had worked for, everything you had lived for would be coming to an end. All because of that simple, unassuming brand that your lover held. 

At the command of Greagoir, he moved the brand away from the flame and stepped towards you. Reciting the Chant of Light as he did so. It was supposed to bring comfort to the mages and remind them that this was the Maker’s will, you found the words mocking even coming from Mingyu’s lips.

“Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.” His voice strained as he spoke the Chant of Light, it broke your heart to hear him in such pain. His grip on the haft was so tight that you were almost certain that the metal of the rod would break.

“Foul and corrupt are they who have taken his gift, and turned it against his children.” His armored footsteps echoed against the stone flooring. Tears threatening to spill as he stepped closer to you. You felt the grip on your arms tighten as his fellow templars held you in place. 

“Remember, that...that this is a mercy.” 

With those last broken words escaping him, he lifted the sunburst brand and held it above your forehead. You saw the heartbreak burning in his eyes, and he hesitated refusing to move the brand any closer to your forehead. 

Your eyes met his and watched as he desperately tried to keep his composure. You forced a small pained smile onto your face, and that seemed to be the only thing he needed. Not a second later, the metal pressed against your forehead and sparks of blue lyrium seemed to burst forth as the sunburst brand stripped away every bit of emotion you had to replace you with a husk that could no longer connect to the fade, to magic. A husk with free will but a husk nonetheless. 

“I’m sorry.”

[kamil-a]

what is this, some kind of ~SaFe SpAcE~? thoughts on hnkna and escapism.

Disclaimer, first off: i dont really know the sort of 00′s Japanese dating sim fandom culture hnkna was responding to and born as part of. So, much like people’s takes on the original Alice in Wonderland, this is mainly an emotional response based on how it relates to things i do have experience with.

The second disclaimer is that this is more emotionally driven than written by any sort of strict literary acedemicness.

the third is i’ve finished only two of the available routes so far (and wrote this before that, even.)

I’m almost certain I finally started playing hnkna because something in boyfriend dungeon (no, not that part) upset me so much I wanted to take a break and play something else. so with that game fresh on people’s minds, it became a thing jokingly brought up a lot by me and my friends at first- bfd wants its players to be comfortable, hnkna does not. bfd got in trouble for insufficient warnings for some fairly light (in terms of the genre lol) stalking, hnkna hits the pov character with a mandatory nonconsensual kiss/force feeding within the first, like, hour, and if you’re not lucky enough to have a friend who’d played it first warn you, too bad. there are no warnings in hnkna- not for content, and not even when you’re about to make a permanent decision (like where to move).

hnkna is about escapism, in a very literal sense. im fascinated with how the framing of a game within a game allows the characters to talk very frankly about realworld, human experiences with fiction (yeah, guys, why do we crave the fantasy of a dating sim?) without turning to fourth-wall-breaking tropes, not that it’d seem tired yet when the game came out. nightmare, your dream demon/isekai coordinator/therapist/meta guide/pathetic little caterpillar man, brings up a lot of these conversations. alice, are you afraid of being loved?

there’s two real layers of escapism in wonderland, and in my opinion they map really well onto real-world escapism types. the first being

wonderland 

wonderland is somewhere alice can go that allows her to get away from the pain and grief of her sister’s death. she carries some history with her- her mother’s death, for example, and the subconscious knowledge of her sister’s death as she idolizes her in a way she later says is reserved for the dead- but the things she can’t bring herself to think about just aren’t there. she can focus on new people, a new job, being a productive and active member of her new society. it’s a lot like media and fandom escapism in real life- a community you can bond with and forget your troubles for a bit.

but wonderland is not safe - only a safe escape from her former problems. wonderland is a very dangerous place where everyone is in conflict all the time forever (also like fandom). and, this is probably totally unintentional by the text, but i do find it really interesting how some of the most popularly complained about dangers in fandom content- content that romanticizes sexual assault, incest, and pedophilia - is all right there in wonderland (i know the tweedles are Technically Not Kids etc but like.... the doylist level of it yknow). so alice escapes to wonderland for the same underlying reason many of us escape to fandom, and finds an exaggerated, over the top version of the same issues anybody deeply online will run into.

living in wonderland also, as alice points out many times, means abandoning those who rely on her at home. (the donating to ao3 instead of those in need argument, if you will.)

dreams

the second safe space in hnkna is alice’s dreams, and this one is truly safe. nobody can hurt alice in her dreams in any real way, and she probably can’t hurt nightmare either. if she wanted for whatever reason to dream about doing a bunch of awful violence to a field of cute little bunnies, she probably could, with no real consequence. at one point, after she accidentally dreams up some sea monsters, nightmare even makes the dream space an area where her own subconscious can’t project anything that can hurt her. dreams are a space for alice to have all the control and do anything she wants. she has ultimate control, and...... she can’t relax. she gets nervous when details aren’t quite right, like turtles in a lake when they should be in the sea. she can’t let go and just mentally throw spaghetti at the wall.

(i will point out here what a friend of mine suggested - it’s catholic guilt. shes just christian, is all. which didn’t occur to me but it honestly might be the answer plain and simple.)

i think - and it could just be me - that it feels very uncomfortable to have a thought you shouldn’t share. if you’ve had a thought- and it’s not bad, right, you’re not bad - so your thought can’t be bad- so why not share it? and if you’ve thought something you really must not say- well, then, it’s a bad thought, and it kind of sucks that you even thought it.

now, i haven’t gone through all of the game just yet, but here’s something im starting to get the feeling about - it’s stance is ‘ppl do things that suck and that’s okay’. alice values her relationship with vivaldi more than the lives of the people vivaldi murders- and she feels bad about it, but she knows she’s not going to change, and all there is to do is sit with it. i haven’t gotten a stay ending yet, but my guess is it’ll be more of the same (hi, it's future me! I've seen Vivaldi's staying in wonderland ending. nothing huge to add, just that I've seen it). yes, i’m repressing my grief forever and abandoning the rest of my living family, my friends, etc - but this works for me right now, and i don’t have it in me to stop. in the real world, a lot of content online will have some utterly heinous shit in it- and this will continue forever and there’s nothing you can do about it, because its authors will not listen to you for whatever reason (they do not speak your language, they wrote it at least ten years ago, they see no reason to listen to some nerd whos name they do not know, etc). fandom will eclipse my real life responsibilities- and i can’t bring myself to stop. you sit with the guilt and then you move on. it’s not healthy, but it works in the moment, and what is life but a collection of moments you need to make work? it’s not condemning or praising, just... neutral. it’s a thing that people do.