#and these days in college i am not quite the achiever anymore

[halfdeadwallfly]

my writing class is having a bracket where we pick quotations from papers to use in our essays and vote on them to see who had the best quote. what if i didn't. what if i cried instead.

[sansaorgana]

I love soft Benny sm, but can we have some smut? 🥺 maybe he and the reader in the car after a picnic

hi, baby! 😘 thank you for your request and I am terribly sorry that you had to wait so long but I had lots of things on my head 😭 I missed writing and I missed writing for Benny so it's quite long and it's basically porn WITH plot 🤣😊 The Reader here doesn't have a good relationship with her family and her biggest wish is to run away somewhere with Benny – meanwhile his biggest wish is for her to marry him (Benny being Benny 🙄 lol)

🔞 THIS FIC IS 18+ 🔞

my requests are currently closed 🙅🏻‍♀️

Benny wasn’t visiting you at work every day but when he was – it was your favourite moment of the day. He would always order the same thing and sit in the same place on the barstool by the counter. He was not a man of many words so sometimes he would just sit there and watch you work for half an hour before leaving and hopping back onto his bike. But it was enough for you – to just have him around. It made you feel safe, loved and appreciated. 

You enjoyed the way the whole diner would go silent the moment he entered the place with those lazy, heavy steps. You liked the way you immediately knew it was him by the sound of his boots and by the smell of gasoline and cigarettes. His hands, dirty with grease, handing you a few crumpled dollar bills from the depths of his worn out jeans’ pockets. He was a dream come true for a girl like you. A girl who had never found anything exciting about all those ordinary guys your friends had been trying to trap ever since high school. Those proper guys, those football team captain guys, those college high achiever guys… No, they all lacked something for you. Benny had it, though, even though you couldn’t quite name it but it didn’t matter. He was not a man of many words anyway.

“Wanna go out with me later tonight? Join the picnic?” He mumbled on that day when you were taking an empty plate from him with a few toast crumbles left on it.

“Y-yeah,” you nodded. You had a day off on the next day so you didn’t mind staying up late. “You gonna pick me up?” You asked.

“Yeah. I’m gonna get a car, okay? You can wear a dress if you wanna,” Benny said and cleared his throat before standing up and throwing a few crumpled dollar bills on the counter as usual. Without any other word, he walked out of the diner slowly, making heavy and slow steps.

You grabbed the money and watched him through the window for a while. You smiled to yourself when you saw him hopping onto his bike and driving away while the engine roared.

You wondered why he decided to take the car and whose car was it but it didn’t matter, honestly. You liked riding a bike with him but cars were more comfortable and he was right – you could wear a dress. And Benny loved you in dresses even though he never actually ordered you what to wear. However, when you had met him, you were wearing a cute pink dress but as your relationship had been progressing, you had bought more and more jeans and black leather pants for bike riding.

Tonight, you decided to surprise him and wear the very same cute pink dress that you had been wearing on the day you met.

You were a little bit nervous waiting for Benny on your driveway. You knew that your mother was staring angrily through the half-opened window with a cigarette in her hand, squinting her eyes at the car your boyfriend had driven here in. You recognised it immediately as Johnny’s.

The sun was slowly going down and you were hugging your own self even though you didn’t feel cold at all but you were anxious about your mother watching you and about the dress you had worn. What if Benny would find it silly? He was not exactly a very romantic type even though he had proposed to you on the second date.

You had declined, of course. But you had been very tempted and sometimes you had regretted your decision. If you had been his wife, you wouldn’t have to live with your mother anymore and life with her was not easy. Especially now when she was angry at you for dating a man like Benny.

Benny didn’t leave the car, though. He parked the vehicle and his arm lazily hung out from the window. There was a cigarette in his hand and he nodded at you to come over.

“Won’t you walk out and open the door for me like a gentleman?” You giggled as you leaned by the car’s window.

“Not when your mother’s killing me with her hawk eyes,” Benny snorted. “Get your ass inside, dollie.”

You nodded with a chuckle and sat in the passenger seat. The moment you closed the door behind you, Benny started the engine and drove away as fast as possible. He placed his hand on your thigh and you grabbed it with both of yours to play with his long fingers and the rings he was wearing.

“Why did you take Johnny’s car?” You asked, looking up at him.

“He wanted me to do him a favour and I needed a car with a big trunk for that. Nothing to worry your pretty head about, yeah, sweetheart?” Benny answered without even looking at your face but you noticed his knuckles tightening around the steering wheel and you immediately knew it was one of the mysterious jobs he was being assigned to do around the club.

It was the source of his money and you never asked because you didn’t have to be a genius to know it was nothing legal and nothing safe. You didn’t want to know but you were awfully worried.

“I would go crazy if something happened to you, you know that, right?” You only asked and swallowed thickly.

“I know,” he nodded but still didn’t look at you.

“Do you like my dress?” You changed the subject quickly and Benny finally laid his baby blue eyes on you. He looked you up and down with a slight smirk before looking back on the road.

“I do,” he answered. “You look fucking beautiful, (Y/N).”

“Thank you, Benny,” you felt your cheeks heating up and you had to look away, too. You kept holding his hand but your eyes were focused on the road now.

You loved those picnics. They made you feel like you were a part of something and that was a feeling you had missed your whole life. Your family was far from perfect and you had never felt like you truly had it – a family. They were just a bunch of people you shared some genetic code with. At school and at work you never truly had friends either. Not that you had been a complete loser, no. And those girls you had been hanging around with probably thought you were close. But you knew it was not true. You had never felt any deep connection to them and you had never been interested in what they were talking about because they mostly talked about boys. All those boys you didn’t find interesting at all.

But women here – the women dating The Vandals – they understood you. They all were here for different reasons but you all shared this one quality that made you attracted to men like those bikers. They were outcasts and it took lots of bravery and lots of rebelliousness to love a man like that.

Some of those girls were just like their men – dirty with grease, downing one beer after another, loud and vulgar. Some were party girls who wanted to have fun. Some were ordinary wives and mothers. You felt like you were all of them at once and none of them at the same time. But just like them – you were there and you were enjoying it. Sitting by the fire and sipping on the beverage Benny had brought you, gossipping with the women and laughing as the guys watched and talked by their bikes and cars. Sometimes they were showing tricks on their motorbikes or playing games.

The night was warm and you watched the sky as the sparks from the fire danced in the air. Nights like this should never end, you thought. And just when you were smiling to yourself about it, Benny approached you and put his hand on your shoulder to squeeze it gently.

“It’s time for us, baby,” he announced.

“So early?” You batted your eyelashes.

“Most people are goin’ back home now,” he pointed out and you looked around. He was right, you just hadn’t noticed, too distracted by your staring at the sky and daydreaming.

“Okay then,” you nodded and put down the coke bottle. “Bye!” You waved at the few girls who were still sitting there and they waved back at you.

Benny walked you to Johnny’s car and this time he opened the door for you like a gentleman. You chuckled and got inside but when the door behind you closed, you suddenly felt an odd and sad feeling deep in your gut. You realised that this night was truly about to be over now and you didn’t like it.

With a heavy heart, you watched Benny getting behind the steering wheel and starting the engine. He noticed your weird behaviour, though.

“What is it, doll?” He asked when you were on the road leading back to the city already.

“I don’t wanna go back home, Benny. Not yet,” you looked down and began to play nervously with the hem of your dress.

“We don’t gotta go home, baby,” Benny said after a short while of silence but you didn’t say anything to that. It was an empty promise if he hadn’t actually proposed anything. “I ain’t got a lotta money on me, sweetheart,” Benny sighed as he glanced at you nervously. The whole idea of him not being able to actually provide for you was a touchy subject for him.

“We don’t have to go to the motel, Benny,” you quickly said although you couldn’t understand how he could be broke after doing a job for Johnny. It was between them two, though. “We can simply ride around. It’s Johnny’s gas, right?” You bit on your lower lip and Benny chuckled at that as he nodded.

“Yeah, baby, it’s Johnny’s gas, so we can use it all and ride around,” he agreed and you smiled widely at that. “You wanna ride ‘round town or what?”

“Maybe we could go somewhere private,” you nodded. “To the forest?” You proposed. There was a secluded spot Benny sometimes was taking you to on his motorbike.

One thing about Benny that had been surprising to you at first but then it totally made sense later was that he loved nature.

“Sure, we can do that,” Benny nodded and you leaned back in the seat with a sigh of relief. With each passing moment you were more and more further away from Chicago and from your home with your mother waiting for you inside.

“I wish we could just ride and ride until we reach California,” you whispered. It was not the first time you mentioned it to Benny and you already knew what the answer would be like.

“I can’t. I got the club,” he answered and cleared his throat, a little annoyed by the fact you were constantly bringing this up. “Why are you so crazy about California, huh? Wanna be a movie star, baby?” He tried to turn it into a joke.

“It’s not about California, Benny,” you rolled your eyes. It was not about the California Dreamin’ at all. It was about running away to a sunny place with the love of your life to start over. “What about your cousin in Florida? Maybe we could go there?”

“Why would you even go with me anywhere, doll? I ain’t no good to you,” Benny pointed out but you froze at his words.

“What do you mean you ain’t no good to me?”

“If I was, you’d marry me,” Benny pointed out and now it was your turn to get a little irritated. He was bringing up the marriage subject as often as you were talking about running away.

“I would marry you if we got away from this place,” you crossed your arms and looked out of the window because you didn’t want to see his face at that moment. You were scared of his reaction – you had never made such a promise before.

“You know I can’t. I have my responsibilities here, I have the club,” Benny’s voice broke a little.

“Fuck the club,” you snapped and it made him speechless. You angrily looked back at his confused face. “You always talk about being so free and having no roots, whatever, but it’s all bullshit, Benny,” you huffed.

“You scare me, baby,” he only shook his head but he kept on driving. “You’re crazy-crazy.”

To that, you didn’t say anything and the rest of the drive was quiet. You knew he was right about many things – you really acted crazy sometimes. It was because you were a coward – too scared to change your life on your own. Too scared to go to the bank, take all your savings out and buy a greyhound bus ticket on your own to start a new life somewhere. You wanted to somehow use Benny to get away from this place. But it didn’t change the fact you loved him. You were crazy about him, in fact. And if your fate in life was to end up as his wife in some shitty rented flat in Chicago, you would end up as such.

“Come on, baby, I don’t wanna fight,” Benny sighed as he parked the car near your favourite spot in the forest.

“I don’t wanna fight either,” you sniffed your tears back but refused to look at him. Benny shook his head and put his arm around you to pull you closer and force you to lay your eyes on him.

He was staring at your face for a while with a mix of worry and curiosity in his blue eyes. You were sure that sometimes he would pay real money to find out what was going inside your head but you felt the same towards him so it was only fair.

Benny raised his hand to caress your cheek and wipe off all the tears before leaning in to kiss you sweetly. You kissed him back hungrily and nearly desperately, clinging to him with your fists tangled in the fabric of his jacket to pull him even closer.

“You’re fucked up but sweet,” Benny murmured after breaking the kiss and you chuckled.

“Would you want it any other way?” You asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.

“No way,” he shook his head before joining your lips together again. Benny deepened the kiss and you moved from your seat clumsily to sit on his lap, tangling your fingers in his golden locks to pull on them slightly as you moaned into his mouth.

You knew that Benny knew that you hadn’t wanted him to take you here to admire nature. Of course, you enjoyed it but when you wanted to go to such a place in the middle of the night it only meant one thing. You had usually been fucking on a blanket by the lake but now you had a car so you wanted to make a use of it.

Benny’s hands grabbed you by your waist and began to squeeze the soft flesh there, pulling the pink dress in the process and revealing more and more of your legs as you were spreading them open until you felt the hardening cock inside his jeans rubbing onto your clothed pussy, making it grow wet.

You reached out to the back of the dress and unbuttoned it there to make it loose around your arms. The stripes fell down immediately, revealing your bra. Benny’s long and skilled fingers unclasped it and threw it in the backseat as he groaned at the sight of your exposed breasts.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he breathed out and you chuckled.

“So are you, baby,” you leaned in to rub your nose with his and peck his lips.

Benny watched your breasts in awe as if it was the first time he had seen them. In the meantime, your hands worked on the zipper of his jeans. When you could finally grab and squeeze his hardening cock through the fabric of his boxer shorts, Benny kept you balanced with his hands placed flat on your back before leaning in to suck on your breasts. He began with soft kisses around your nipples, scratching you gently with his facial hair, which was making you giggle playfully. Your hands kept working on teasing his cock as he sucked and bit on your breasts to turn you on even further and you could feel your pussy leaking already.

When you felt a small wet spot from Benny’s precum forming on his underwear, you pulled the boxer shorts down and freed his cock. He groaned at the feeling and you moaned at the sight before grabbing it in your hand. You pushed him back for a moment and his eyes widened at the sight of you leaning in and spitting slowly on the tip of his red and swollen tip.

“Fuck,” his eyes rolled back and you giggled before starting to pump his cock with your hand firmly, setting up a fast and steady pace. Benny started to dig his fingernails in the soft skin of your back but he was trying to stop himself from scratching you too much. Your free hand grabbed his hair and pulled his head back, forcing him to open his eyes and focus them on you again. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed out, his gasps barely audible.

“And all yours, Benny, baby,” you assured him and at those words, he groaned and moved his hands back to your hips. One of his hands went lower to pull your panties aside and reveal how wet and sticky you were already for him.

You guided his cock to your entrance and sank on it slowly, savouring every moment as your walls clenched around his length, which was filling you up sweetly and stretching you out. You hissed and threw your head back as your eyes rolled and Benny kept squeezing your hips to keep you steady and control the pace.

When you finally had him whole deep inside of you, Benny gave you a moment to adjust. A moment filled with your deep and loud breaths and his face pressed to your chest as he went back to sucking on your nipples.

Eventually, you looked down and put your hands on his shoulders for balance as you began to roll your hips and ride him slowly. Benny was an impatient man, though, and he started to help you immediately by pushing his hips up and rutting into you, which made you gasp and moan as your fingernails dug deep into his shoulders.

Benny moved his lips up from your breasts to your neck, sucking on the sensitive skin there and leaving his hot and wet open-mouth kisses all over. You wondered what Johnny would say if he had known what you were doing inside his car but you shrugged this thought off quickly.

The driver seat was squeaking from all your fucking and you were sure that the car was bouncing itself in the rhythm of your hips but you knew very well that no one would catch you there in the middle of the forest. Parking lots were much more risky. But not this forest, not this place. In fact, it was your place. And perhaps you would be missing it if you managed to get away from Chicago. 

You whined and trembled when Benny’s cock found your sweet spot after you moved slightly and he was able to fuck you in a different angle. You cupped his face to move it away from your neck and he looked up to meet your gaze. His blue eyes were hazy but yours were finding it difficult to focus as well since they were filled with tears of pleasure. You pressed your forehead to his and helped him to fuck you by rocking your hips back and forth.

“I love you, Benny,” you let out a quiet whisper from your lips to his, for nobody else to hear. “I’m gonna marry you, baby,” you promised, picking up the pace.

Your words made him groan and start rutting into you faster as well but his moves were growing chaotic. You didn’t mind, though, because you could feel a knot in your lower abdomen forming already and you were close yourself.

“I’m gonna be your wife. I’m gonna be Mrs. Cross, baby,” you were whispering promises mindlessly, knowing it would bring him closer and it seemed to be working for you, too.

You moved one of your hands down to between your legs to rub on your clit but Benny realised what you were doing so he took one of his hands away from your hip and pushed your hand away to take the lead instead. His fingers found your swollen and achy clit quickly before rubbing circles on it and making you let out choked out sobs as tears of pleasure streamed down your cheeks.

You came with a loud cry of his name, arching your back and throwing your head back while your eyes shut close and your walls clenched around his cock. He came right after you, filling you up with a few grunts and chaotic thrusts.

You gave yourselves a short moment to come off of your highs. You waited for your heartbeat and breath to go back to normal before you relaxed your muscles and fluttered your eyes open to look down at Benny’s fucked out face.

“You look like a mess,” you chuckled in a raspy voice and caressed his face before fixing his ruffled hair.

“So do you, doll,” Benny winked and helped you to get off of his lap, letting his softening cock to slip out of you with a hiss. You felt his cum mixed with your juices leaking down your thigh but you didn’t mind and you just pulled your panties back into their place.

While moving back to the passenger seat, you reached to the backseat for your bra. You put it back on and buttoned your dress back up before fixing your hair nonchalantly with your hand in the mirror of Johnny’s car.

Benny wiped the sweat off of his face with the palm of his hand before pulling his boxer shorts back up and zipping his jeans. He got out of the car and lit himself a cigarette as he leaned on the hood of the car. You gave him a short moment of silence and peace before getting out of the car as well and sitting on the hood next to him. You didn’t say anything, you only put your head on Benny’s shoulder and you stared at the stars above with a loud sigh.

“Did you mean that?” He asked, eventually. There was lots of insecurity in his voice and it was unusual for Benny to feel this way.

“That I’m gonna marry you?” You asked and he nodded after a while of hesitation. “Yeah, why not? I only said no back then because it was our second date. Not because you ain’t no good enough for me, you know?” You looked up and caressed his hair gently.

Benny turned his head around slowly to meet your loving gaze.

“You know, I don’t like all those things Johnny’s askin’ me to do for him these days,” Benny confessed and you furrowed your brows. “I might not ride with the club anymore after all, I dunno yet,” he shrugged his arms. “I been thinkin’ maybe we could go to California after all. Or Florida. Or wherever you want, baby, really, I don’t care. I just wanna be with you, yeah?” Benny joined your foreheads together and you grinned at him.

“Yeah, Benny, I want the same,” you assured him. “Let’s get out of this place, we’re starting to waste here and we deserve so much more.”

“You surely do,” Benny chuckled and pecked your lips before moving his head away to take a drag of his cigarette.

You squeezed his arm tighter and chuckled sadly at his words before leaning to kiss his cheek lovingly.

“So do you, Benny. I’m gonna make you see that one day, baby,” you promised. “But until then, you just gotta believe me when I say that. You’re one of a kind.”

MASTERLIST || BENNY MASTERLIST

[up-in-flames-writing]

I feel like we never talk about how hard it is to be a trans immigrant. We never talk about how escaping from a country that persecutes you does not free you from suffering & bigotry.

I may not be able to attend my own graduation ceremony. I worked so hard these past three years to achieve something, to be the first person in my immediate family to finish uni, get a degree, & then be able to actually do something with it, to pick my own life course & not stray from it. I reinvented myself during these last three years so much, from the shy, dysphoric kid with no friends to a man who maybe isn't doing the best in life, but who has a hope for the future. I worked hard to present myself in the best way I could, & yet I won't be able to see the fruits of my labours.

And, sure, the reason is real silly. I can't legally change my name, so the name on the degree will be my dead one, & the Vice Chancellor will read out the corpse of my old self in front of all my teachers & peers, everyone who knew me as Booker, & Booker alone. And they will expect to see a young lady in a dress climb the stage, only to be met with a boy who isn't quite a man yet, who is still forced to live under a girl's name.

And why? Why! Because I am an immigrant who feared for my young life when Brexit was happening, who has been teased & bullied for being an ESL student, who never quite belonged. Because I am an immigrant transman who could be imprisoned in my country of birth for the crime of wanting to reinvent myself, who has to walk on eggshells around the man who reared me because he grew up Polish & catholic & who knows how he would react if I told him I was his grandson & not his granddaughter. I am an immigrant who has to hide behind their parents because who knows how my extended family will react to me, who is still not allowed to tell his cousin, his little sister whom he adores, his real name despite the fact I was her age when I started questioning my own gender & I somehow wasn't too young to be in pain!

I am an immigrant who cannot safely return home, but the country that took me in isn't quite the safe haven either. Because I need a passport to prove that my name has changed, but a passport cannot be issued to me under a name my birth country does not approve of. Because to change myself fully, I need to become a citizen to a country that abandoned my homeland after the war & looked away when it was being subjugated during it. Because I need to know how many of the swans in London belong to the Crown for the state to consider me a citizen of this dying empire, despite the fact I've lived here for so long, I can't remember what my childhood home back in Poland even looked like! I cannot truly remember what my room in that flat in a small, backwater Polish town looked like anymore, except for the bed that we now have in our guest bedroom, & the bookshelf that cradles all of my books on transness & queerness & feminism.

Because I am an immigrant from a country who hates me, I am forced to live in a country that hardly tolerates me, & to live as my true self I have to subjugate myself for the sake of an old empire that lost its touch. I have to submit myself to a personal sort of colonisation, to be able to walk onto that stage at graduation with my real name on the degree. But I can't do that, because I don't have the money, because I spent the last three years breaking my back proving to people that the little girl with behavioural problems who was always bullied, was able to become something greater than the sum of her parts. Because I now don't have the time or the patience to tell you exactly when the Union Jack was created, or at what hour of the day is tea time, & I don't have the time to wait for a passport to be sent to me, only for me to return it to sender with a plea of changing my name upon it.

Because my transmacs friends in college had their names changed at sixteen, while I'm already done with my undergrad & still have to contend with the question of what citizenship I would rather have. Because I will sooner be on hormones & growing a beard than I will be able to change my name.

And in all this I find it so ironic that I was named after an angel, & like everything else in my life, I reject the goodness & the easy way out, I reject the things that once made me, me, to become my own god & rebuild myself out of the scraps left behind by a life of turmoil.

And still I am just some immigrant bitch stealing jobs from good, hardworking Britons, & I'm still just a transsexual fag taking women's rights away, & I'm still just some freak of nature manipulating the kids into sin & immorality. And no matter where I go, where I turn to, I don't feel all that angelic at all.

[kanguin]

That poem hit me hard wow. Idk why I want to open up on Tumblr of all places but idk. I never share personal stuff in posts. Just oversharing in tags.

So yeah. I'm depressed. Depressed as shit. I quit my job recently because the commute, the low pay, and the high social energy cost of making 100+ phone calls a day just. Sucked the life out of me. Even my mother and fiance could see it. But this just marks burnout number... 4? I believe. I've experienced burnout and mental collapse 4 times now in the past decade. 4 years between the first two, 5 between the next two, and now just 1 year between this one and the last. And now I'm supposed to look for a job I like again, but... I don't know what I'd like. I'm not exactly enjoying life right now. And the thought of selling more of my life for money is not putting me in a good mental spot.

I don't play video games anymore. I haven't been able to do so for more than a couple weeks a year in ages. I never talk to my friends one on one anymore. I have no hobbies to speak of, really, aside from messing around on my computer, but it's not like I have the space to engage in any hobbies anyway since my broke ass still lives with my mom. I have my fiance living with me now, but while they're an emotional anchor, we have no space to our own besides the bedroom and a bonus room, but the latter is still technically a public space we can't decorate ourselves or use for painting or hobbies.

I feel stuck and miserable. I want to move out, I want my own home and space to be unbothered in, I want my own fridge and pantry with my own food, and to be able to be out of my bedroom without being on call for sudden required tasks or unwelcome socialization. I want a space to engage in hobbies; sculpting, painting, building, working with my hands. I want to be able to operate on my own schedule and not have to compromise on when is too late to start a task or eat a meal. I want to be able to start HRT in the privacy of my own home, so that I don't have to disclose my transition until I'm ready. I want... Freedom. I want to be able to live a life that feels mine, and not like I'm living in borrowed space and time.

But all of that requires money, and that just leads to a catch 22. I need money to achieve my desires, but need a job to get money. But I need a job I am happy doing so as not to burnout a 5th time, but I need to be able to enjoy life and work in the first place for that. And if I already enjoyed my life I wouldn't be in such a bad spot mentally.

I used to be so hopeful and determined for my future, but it's been 6-7 years since I graduated college with my bachelor's, and by now I've all but lost hope things will ever change. This genuinely feels like this is it, I'll be stuck here in this house until my mother dies, I get kicked out, or my heart takes me to an early grave like my father.

My next therapy appointment isn't for two weeks. I sure hope I stay on topic next time, because I only ever realized all the things I forgot to cover after the appointment. Even though I had my issues well memorized and written down.

...

If anyone actually reads this long ass ramble, I'm sorry. It's nearly 5am for me writing this.

.

..

To be honest, one of the aspects of my personality I miss the most is my love of making and keeping friends. Not that I was ever good at it, but I always enjoyed getting to know someone knew, and of course I loved learning more about my existing friends, too. There are so many people I can think of where I go "wow, I wish I had the energy to get to know them", but I can't really do that anymore in good conscience. Anyone I try and befriend nowadays is just going to get abandoned in a month or two when my overwhelming shame drive me to ghosting them.

[byrachshop]

Presenting ByRach — Blog & Shop

Hello hello, Rach here!

I am Raquel, in Portuguese, the creator behind ByRach, previously known as NotionByRach. I am a 19-year-old college student, and I love to watch videos about productivity.

Since a few years ago, I think in 2019, right when the pandemic started, I wanted to open a small business; something like a digital shop. I brainstormed some ideas, and everything was always about either creative writing or student tools. However, life got in the way and I ended up not starting anything then.

Later on, I started learning more about Notion, and discovered a world of possibilities! And well, once I felt familiar with the software, I decided it was time to try to build a set up and see what other people think about it.

I also manage another account, Souls Collide, and it has been quite successful (for my goals, of course). I posted tools and resources for writers there, and later on had to open a Gumroad shop (first called NotionByRach) to host a Notion template. It was targeted at writers and people who wanted a place to manage their ideas and stories. The community seemed to love it! I gave it as a freebie, of course, and I knew it was a long journey until I could sell templates. So I did more, and more!

For about 9 months, I kept creating printables, templates, and other resources and built a small community on Gumroad- about 3,000 people who loved my freebies. This was a huge motivation for me to keep going and working on my shop!

Then, the right moment for a rebrand approached: I started listing products on Etsy, and knew I should elevate it. For me, NotionByRach didn’t make sense anymore, since I knew I would be selling other products and not just Notion templates. I kept ByRach, and changed the color palette to look more like me.

My mission is to help other students, whether they’re in high school or college! I still want to keep some products for free and send them through my newsletter, because I believe everyone should have access to these useful resources. I plan to write posts here on this blog frequently, give you tips, and show you some tools and other resources.

I don’t want to be seen as a brand or a shop, but as me, Rach! My inbox is open, if you want to pass by and say hi, or share your achievements (I will definitely cheer with you!)

So, welcome to this new phase of NotionByRach, now ByRach! I hope you stick around, and spread the word.

Have a nice day, Rach <3

~~~

Instagram | Etsy Shop | Gumroad

[problematicfanfics]

// rant

tldr; dad’s a pos and i wasted my time on shit no one cared about

softball was my absolute life from kindergarten up until two years ago (tenth grade) and my dad never gave a shit about me in the sport until he could extort it to gain some slight political power in my new area but he has literally paid over $1,000 for my sister to play the sport on various teams, gotten her various lessons, and spent it on equipment meanwhile i used to have to cry and scream in order for him to even think about driving me to a practice as a kid. i used to have to walk upwards of an hour+ with my catchers gear, gloves, balls, bat, etc (that i paid for all on my own) to get to my practices, or beg my teammates parents for rides to games. he nor my mom have once showed up to anything i played in (i played various sports and did many clubs throughout my school career), and i would always ask him to come throw a ball around with me or teach me to ride a bike or spend literally any time w me and he always refused. now this month long trip in greece he brought his and my sister’s glove to play softball. and didn’t bring mine. or tell me to bring mine. or like. anything. and i told my sister “go play with dad, he brought your gloves” and she said “well i didn’t fuckin ask him to”. bitch. i wouldve fucking KILLED for my dad to do that. i would STILL kill for my dad to do that. i WISH he would just come up to me and say “let’s go to the field” the way he does with her. it’s not fucking fair bro like. please i’m a star 😊😊😊🤣🤣🤣🤪🤪🤪🤩🤩🤩

i quit softball this year because i was ruining my mental health with it. i was absolutely demolishing myself for a sport no one gave a shit i played in. i spent my entire childhood playing so many sports and always dropped them for softball/baseball, it was always my priority. always my number 1. i had fucking dreams of playing D1 for colleges ever since i was a kid. but my cheapskate of a fucking father couldn’t be bothered to help me achieve anything. i’m so mad. i could’ve been doing something else with my fucking life. i literally spent 12 years busting my ass on this damn sport. and no one, not once, thought that with my drive and passion and dare i even say talent, i could do more. i had no options as a kid. and watching my sister, who was handed everything i wanted and more on a silver platter, throw all of it into the trash chute because she wants to be some basic white bitch, makes me wanna fucking rip my hair out. why don’t I get to be a basic white bitch? why don’t I get to play D1? why don’t I get to run around and do fuck all the way she got to? why did I have to play mom for 12 years of my life, never getting to pursue or do anything i wanted to do??

can i also say i suffer from fibromyalgia, a chronic pain disorder, and it’s something i was born with. so since i was 9 years old i’ve been screaming crying in pain every night and day desperately fighting through it because i just loved sports that much?? i quit catching because it was deteriorating my knees and there would be days after games where i couldn’t walk. my coaches played me less after i quit catching because they were mad at me for quitting since i was “the best catcher on the team” and decided to dig back at me like it was my choice?? like my physical and mental health wasn’t on the line? like it pains me to think i cant do physical activity anymore i love it so much but i walk to and from my classrooms and i want to break down from the pain. i’m so tired. i just want to be passionate about something again but every time i am i am just fucking hated on idk what i’m doing wrong

[wintersoldierbmb]

thursday june 6 i feel like a useless person.

im not depressed and haven’t been for like a year now but i can feel it creeping back in. family drama somehow found a way to me and without saying too much i don’t know who to trust anymore. people really don’t care about me as much as they lie and say they do.

on another note I’m just not motivated to do anything anymore. i wish i could just die. i don’t want to be useless. even though i am in college and stuff i still feel like my life is going to go nowhere and i’ll just be another person existing, taking up everyone else’s oxygen for no reason. i don’t deserve to live if i can’t be useful. i feel like i am incapable of doing the simplest of tasks and that makes me feel like i have no future. i wish someone would get rid of me so i don’t have to kill myself. i wish i didn’t have ADHD. i wish my mind wasn’t on a trillion things at once all the time. i wish i was easy for people to understand. i wish the smallest ripples in how i feel in a moment didn’t have the potential to make my whole day crash and burn. i really wish i was rich, and if not rich then at least normal so that i could be a functioning member of society and be able to get a job or something. i wish i had my own house but i will probably never get one because i can’t save money for the life of me. music isn’t working even though I’ve been consistently doing that since i was born (literally) so there’s another goal in the trash. i have been wasting my time with everything i try to pursue. i should just die.

i’m 19 years old and the only asset i have is the fact that i’m in college. i passed my summer one classes (i think) and i can’t even celebrate it. i can’t bring myself to be happy about that achievement. all i can do is thank God and move on. internally i’m not happy or proud of myself. even now i want to drop out. i am my biggest enemy. i’m not capable of doing things everyone else has learned to do when they were 15, 16, 17 in high school. i don’t think i have an interesting future or even a good one at all. i will die with regrets on how i lived my life. if i grow old, it will be into a life of regret of how lame i was as a youth, and how i didn’t choose to do what everyone else did. my perception on life is very skewed, but i don’t even know how to look at life anymore. i spent so much time being high and under the influence in the past few years that it was the only reality i could function in. now i’m trying to be sober again and not depend on weed to make me a normal person and the only thing it is doing is making me feel like shit inside. my self worth is only high on one day out of the week (probably because i was high that day) and for the rest of the week i feel worthless. if i killed myself i wouldn’t hurt a lot of people except for MAYBE my mom and i don’t want to do that to her.

i feel like something is wrong with me or that i am mentally retarded. everyone else seems to have the necessary brainpower to do everything they need to in life, but here i am being slow in mine. i try every day to improve my work ethic and attitude about living, but my insecurities overwhelm me. all i can think about is how dumb i feel. i feel like a stupid person. i am not intelligent or as intelligent as people make me out to be. if i was in any situation worse than i have been in in my life i probably wouldn’t make it. i thank God every day for always giving me another chance, but i feel sad because i feel like i’m wasting it. He is too merciful to someone who cannot make anything for himself. music is all i have to offer anymore. nothing about me is special or different enough for me to get recognized for. i don’t even feel like a real person anymore. i feel like i’m nobody. i should die soon and quit wasting everyone’s time, but i’m too scared to do it to myself. drugs are the only thing that “restore” me, but thats how you end up being a fucking junkie. i will never be a junkie. i’m hoping one of these days i overdose or get a bad batch of some weed or tale a strange pill or get spiked and die from it. i don’t want torture or deserve a long painful death as i haven’t done anything to earn that. the only thing that i need to do is die. quickly

[counterintuitiv]

Hello, I am asking random Tumblr users some questions for a homework assignment! if you don't mind answering:

who is a person from your past that you think about the most and why?

it always depends on the day. recently i've been thinking about my middle school best friend and how, if we were still in touch today, i bet we'd still be great friends. we were so close, and grew up daydreaming about the same things, and i had never loved a friend like i loved her. we grew up together during some of the most embarrassing years as a girl. i don't have her number anymore and i think she's deleted her socials, but every now and then i'll hear something new about her through old mutual friends and think that we're still not so different after all this time. we only grew apart because we went to different high schools, and at that age you just don't try hard enough to maintain old friendships when you're overwhelmed with the potential of new ones in closer proximity.

i also think often about my first grade teacher. she was the sweetest woman in the world and she would ask to speak with me after the school day to sit me down and give me a new book—typically one at a slightly harder level and thicker than the class was reading. at the time, i had just moved to a new country and was starting to learn english. and maybe she could tell, because it's clear now years later that the kindness she extended to me was in the hopes that i'd improve in the new language. i think that might've been the catalyst for everything. i was obsessed with every book she gave me, and read them over and over. i treasured them so much, i fell in love with reading and i never knew why she took an interest in me specifically. i was just some average kid, but maybe she saw something more. maybe i was her favourite, maybe she had sympathy for my struggles, or maybe i was some teacher goal for her to achieve. either way, i improved in english so quickly, and my vocabulary and understanding of literature grew wider just because of her. and without her i highly doubt i'd be the student i am today, i'm in college now studying quite a hard degree! i think of her every time i read a new book or when i reflect on how i'm able to learn new things. i genuinely credit it all to her, just because someone had hope and showed compassion towards an average kid.

i think about those two often because, as a common denominator, i can't find a way to contact them anymore. and trust me i've tried, because sometimes i just wish i could tell them the effect they had on me and how i always carry the memory of them with me. i'm the type of person who has to let someone know how they've positively changed my life. i can't stand to think that some of the best people i know aren't aware of how impactful and important they are. but because i can't reach them, i think of them. it keeps them close to me and with the freedom of those thoughts i can imagine anything for them—and i like to imagine that they're happy, fulfilled, and fully aware of their brilliance wherever they are.

[volundears]

I Wish I Have The Guts to Tell Her That I Still Care for Her

What we had was so fast—not even a year—but the love lingers for a few years; it still is here, at this exact moment, I still care for you. I really thought you were going to be my ride-or-die. I thought even if later on we had an argument, it would just strengthen our friendship, not break it down. I thought we could fix things. Both of us are good at communicating, aren’t we? At least, I believe you are.

I still admire your passion towards what you’ve dreamed of. I remember how much you wanted to be a civil engineer, and I must admit the job suited you just fine and I got sad when later I know you gave the dream up. I still remember your habit of waking up very early—at 2 or 3 am—just to have extra times to study. You wanted to get a head start at everything you do. I remember you never trust your classmates’ work and prefer to let yourself do all the work so it will fed your ego. You’re a perfectionist, yet you’re also the hardest-working person I’ve ever met. I still admire your creativity to make your works interesting, to make sure everyone catches the result of your talent, and you prove it each time. But someday, I hope you’ll know that it’s more comfortable to not rely on others’ validation. You’re doing great, with or without others’ recognition.

I wish you would still look at me the same way when we first met—the look that doesn’t show jealousy neither rivalry—I never wanted to be your rival, I never wanted to compete against you. You were a lovely friend. You’d never looked down on me and I can see you were proud of me when I achieve something. That’s why even though you left me and ignore me or cancel our going-out lots of time, I tolerate it. But don’t worry, I won’t let anyone do me wrong like that ever again.

And so it’s weird to me that you’re the one that initiate to cut our friendship off in the middle of a nice day—when we just took a group photo in the afternoon, the same night you texted me the most weirdest text I’ve ever received. It was too sudden. I thought you were just pranking me, but you didn’t, you said it was real; and that you’ve been keeping it for a few times and that day is the right day. I don’t know you decide.

Our text that day was actually went quite well. We opened up to each other, we are being honest with each other to the poing I thought we’re going to be fine. Monday will be just a usual day. Yet you proved me wrong once again. I will probably never know what’s happening but suddenly everyone in the class hated me. I’m not able to tell what’s true or fake anymore. It was one of the worst school memories I’ve ever experience. But I live, it pass.

What doesn’t pass is the fact that I don’t get it why does it have to end this way. Why do us have to not talk to each other. Why are we ignoring each other existence. Why. Just why. Why do you seem to hate me so bad. Why are you doing fine without me—wait, no—why doesn’t this whole thing bother you as much as it bother me. Why am I the only one not moving on and suffering. Why am I still think highly of you even though you probably just want to erase me from your memory. Why am i the only one who seems still want to fix this.

Time goes on, people betray you, people talk behind your back—people start coming at me and talk about the shit you did in your junior high school—but to me, you were not that person. I don’t fucking care what you did back then, we do a lot of shit when we were kids—but I care about what you did now. Are you doing fine? I haven’t got the chance to tell you how much I’m fucking proud of you for making it to your dream college; we study at the same place again. Are you tired of it? Do you wish me gone?

I wish and not wish at the same time, to know what you think of me now. Do you still hated me? Or do you just wish to not be associated with me anymore? I don’t know what I want to do with you so I write this. What about you? Will I ever move on for the things you did or will this feeling linger forever? I guess we’ll never know, but I hope whatever you wish us will become is not going to hurt anybody. I hope you’re not hurt, and I’m not as well. I hope whether we walk in the same path again or not, we’ll be just fine.

[embrace-life1973]

If you have heard of anything like this, know what it's called, have experienced anything like this, or know of any solutions, please reply.

I don't even care if you have solutions, just knowing that I am not the only one who deals with this would be amazing.

I have very severe adhd, narcolepsy, and complex trauma. I know all 3 of these things work together to worsen each other. I am very medicated for the adhd and narcolepsy (same type of meds for both, I'm on the maximum available dose of 2 seperate stimulants and they only work until around 4pm if I'm lucky for the adhd, and 11am for the narcolepsy). I have achieved very significant burnout, and really only learned that willpower for the most part doesn't fix adhd symptoms after I already ran out of all of it. I can't take more medications, and it's not really safe for me to be on as much as I am and it's affecting my heart and my doctors are trying to figure out how to lower doses without causing other problems (During the day, my resting heart rate is usually between 100 and 120 bpm, some days with resting heart rate as high as 140 bpm, plus I have pre-POTS syndrome that is being encouraged by the high dose of meds to begin developing into full POTS).

For the most part, things I enjoy doing I can fairly easily get done and focus on without any issues, which is common for adhd.

I am a college student, and I am really struggling to get my brain to do assignments as what I've been told is a combo of adhd and narcolepsy symptoms will cause me to get completely stuck in distractions for several hours (I will recognize that I am distracted, but I can't seem to make my body and brain quit, with any attempts leading to full body muscle locking up). If I'm not stuck in a distraction I will get stuck trying to get my brain to do schoolwork, or really any productive thing, and my brain and body just won't and I will end up in a stare off between me and the work I'm trying to do, unable to move or switch to trying to do anything else because the second I try all my muscles will lock up and I physically won't be able to move. The record length for that has been 6 hours straight.

There is nothing I want to do more than to be able to get what I need to do done. I've researched everything I can and asked my doctors what to do, and I haven't found many answers that I haven't already tried to no avail before.

I get incredibly stressed out by the fact I can't move to get work done, which makes the problem worse and increases the locking-up. I am on anxiety meds to try and help to no avail, they just help with anxiety during all the other times of day. It's also very hard to explain to other people and get them to believe me, especially when it comes to most doctors and therapists and school admin and professors. This is made worse by the fact that I am academically extremely intelligent and usually can complete assignments in the few hours my brain is willing to work and have a 4.0 GPA.

My family and friends have tried to help as much as possible and have been as understanding as they can be given none of us have ever heard of something like this. When possible they will try to be in the room with me when I try to do work as that seems to help some, and I've tried to go to public places like coffee shops to help myself, but even that is slowly starting to not work anymore. Many things I've tried work for a short time, and then the effects wear off.

My room is in a state of disarray (I live with my parents and commute to college) in spite of my best efforts to keep it clean because I can't bring myself to clean most of the time. It's also hard for me to shower regularly because it is a sensory struggle for my brain, making it all the harder to get it to let me do. (I do have moderate to severe chronic pain, which also plays into some of this, although a lot is inability to bring myself to do things).

I also struggle to remember to consistently take medications outside of my adhd and narcolepsy meds, as I don't have any instant results if I don't take them (or even any result for a few days of forgetting), with the exception for my adhd and narcolepsy meds. I have tried alarms, reminders, notes, tying it to other habits, putting them where you would think I couldn't miss them, and even have had other people message me to try and help me remember.

I don't have depression, I've been tested many times and none of the times have come back saying I do, and even if I did, I can't go on SSRI medications as when I was on a very low dose of them for anxiety for a short time, I actually temporarily became depressed and anxiety actually increased, and later I found out that somehow I ended up with a genetic mutation that neither of my parents have that causes me to not respond well to those medications.

I have tried alarms, reminders, timers, trying to trick my brain into liking what I need to do, rewarding myself for doing what I need to (although I struggle with impulsivity and stopping myself from rewarding myself before I get the reward because that requires willpower), utilizing other people when possible, trying to just do it, and lists. Exercise is one of those things that is very difficult for me given the chronic pain and that my brain won't do that either. I've also tried to do everything I could find on the internet on recovering from burnout with adhd, and even without adhd, but I have run into problems in that those solutions seem to require at least a little bit of willpower, of which I already had completely ran out of before I knew that I was burnt out.

Also, eliminating distractions doesn't work since I can still get stuck in the stare off with my work, and I will quite literally get distracted by a speck on the wall (I have been distracted by that very thing more times than I can count).

The worst part about it is, it often feels like I'm not trying hard enough and I could just will myself to do work, yet when I try, I can't. This is not even taking into consideration how many people (including most doctors and therapists i've tried) have told me things like "Just do it", "you aren't trying hard enough", and "why can't you just get it done so its over with?". There is nothing I want more than to do what I need to get done, and I have spent countless nights crying over that very thing.

If you have heard of anything like this, know what it's called, have experienced anything like this, or know of any solutions, please reply. I don't even care if you have solutions, just knowing that I am not the only one who deals with this would be amazing. I quite literally have no where else to turn to except for a few social media sites in the hopes that someone here knows what I'm dealing with or at least can confirm I'm not alone in this. Doctors and therapists have failed me over and over and over again, no one else knows what I'm talking about, and I've researched everything I know to research.

[ray-talks]

9/7/23

i fasted all day and i went for my usual walk (around 20km).

i felt depressed today. i am always the outsider looking in. i went to an event for a writing organization at my college -- it was a tea party. so, of course, i drank some tea (it was 0 cal), but i also felt tempted by the food there. i abstained, obviously, but it gave me a lot of anxiety. it's easy to cave to temptation when you are afraid. but i cannot afford to eat, i have my goal to reach.

i want to achieve my goal now. i have three months, and that is quite a lot of time. weight loss is slow. i feel like i do not have the motivation to last. i want everything to be over already. i'm tired of constantly fighting with my will to live. it is profound how empty i feel. it worsens when i am around others. it makes me want to cry, but i am unable to cry.

i have so much upcoming work. not only is that daunting, it additionally, feels pointless. i have to keep up a façade of normalcy -- do my work, lower my head, do the routine. it is harder when my motivation is so slim, and i know in a few months my life will be cut short or be irrevocably changed. i am lucky that i am so determined over my goal that it fuels me to do things i do not wish to do. but doing anymore than i have to is tiresome.

god, i am so pathetic. if i could just be normal then i wouldn't have to feel this pain. i wouldn't have to live every day like my insides are being turned out. i wish so desperately to be anyone other than myself. i don't know how to stop this relentless suffering.

i simply wish to whoever is reading this, that they have a better day than me.

[tuthanhle]

Looking back and forward in 2023

It is the first working day of 2023 after the long Lunar New Year holiday. I decide not to immedidately start working, but hold down and look back what I did after a long 5 years.

Here is the letter I wrote for myself in 2017: Looking back and forward in 2017

Now, hello to my 2017, I re-read your letter, and tell you something:

You asked me to take care of my sons and my wife, that's what I have been doing. I learnt many lessons when raising my children, and now I feel welcome to any obstacles along the way, as they are all valuable lessons. I and my wife have found somewhat similarities of what we will do together, letting loose of material things and seeking for the mindfulness.

I am not a billionaire, I haven't achieve a Series A investment. But I found it is not relevant anymore.

Since 2017, I had been 3 times in hospitals for stomach bleeding, my health sometimes got the lowest in my life. I learnt that nothing is more beneficial than a body without sickness. It is not worthy to trade my health with money.

Business partners came and left, I twice worked for companies and all quitted.

I found the last 5 years was more difficult. I found a startup and quitted after 2 years. I made a real estate website which had some success, paving the way to a different career path as an real estate investor. I worked for a real estate investment firm for a year and quitted again.

It was difficult, but I leart many lessons, one is the most important: the richest is having enough. Now I am seeking for inner happiness rather than materialism.

To my future my, in the next 5 years:

Inner hapiness is not what can achieve in one or two years. I hope you stay in the right path and find your mindfulness in the next 5 years. Then you know what is the value of your life, what you are born to do and you will decide to do it.

Your wife should be your companion when seeking for inner happiness.

Your eldest son will now choose to go to college or work, you must prepare him so he knows what to do by then by himself.

Your youngest son is still developing, he has a great sense of feelings, compassions but too much emotions, please help him to stay calm.

Your health can be much better, if you live mindfully, practice regularly and have a good habit of eating and drinking.

From inside, I know you are still longing to do something great. I hope when we meet again, you know what to do and you are on the way of doing it.

Let’s go.

[owlsbride]

MODEL, DRAW ME, LOVE ME.

KAKASHI X FEM READER, KAKASHI X YOU.

SUMMARY: Your day has been terrible as well as the last year of your life, you don’t have money and you are in really need of it, because you need to pay the rent. Is that or coming back to your parents house. But not everything is that terrible in your life, you count with your extremely handsome and likeble roommate Hatake Kakashi, who is always there to give you a hand or two.

Aun, Modern Days.

Minors don’t interact.

My first fic Kakashi x reader/you. Be nice! Share and let me know what you think.

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MODEL, DRAW ME, LOVE ME.

Your day had been terrible. Actually, it was not only the day but the week, the month and if you had to be very strict about it, even your year would be said it had been terrible. Since you decided to move from your parent's house to be closer to your college facilities, everything turned out to be more complicated than you had expected.

Of course, there were going to be changes, you would not be daddy's girl anymore, and now you would have to find a place to live, a job to pay the rent and food. It was the price of independence and adulthood; there wasn't much to do about it, but you never thought it would be that hard. You should have listened to your not-so-dear old uncle and gone to law school. Instead, you chose your vocation and went to the art school to become a dancer. So far, your achievements have been near zero. Yeah, you could blame that idiot tv show Fame and his dammed slogan 'fame cost,' but you never thought that this much. Anyway, the only one to blame was you.

So that day, after your lessons, your lame work, and the text on your phone letting you know that the rent was going to be more expensive the next month, your world started to break down as well as your brain, at the point of considering to come back to your parent's house, a hideous and shameful idea. Because you were not a loser or a quieter, and not everything was so wrong with your situation.

As soon as you entered your home, you saw him sitting on the couch with the tv on but not watching it. As usual, he was sketching something in his sketchbook, and scattered papers were all over the place. His messy silver hair and comfortable clothes told you he had never left his spot since that morning, and he probably had been sitting there for hours now.

"Yo! Did you receive the text from the landlord?" He asked you without turning to look at you. He already knew you were there.

"Yes, Kakashi, I did." You answered in defeat, plopping on the couch next to him.

Hatake Kakashi, your roommate for the last year, you had found him almost by chance. He was also studying at the art school, but he was near to becoming an artist and was very good at it. He was a bit mysterious, not much of a speaker but an excellent listener, easygoing and quite aloof at times. He was tall and well fitted, but somehow he always managed to keep a slouched posture, as if the rest of the world didn't matter much to him. You didn't know much about his past, but you didn't care. He was tidy, respectful, a good payer, and knew how to share, and the truth was that you had become close friends. Oh yes! And you had a massive crush on him, so much that only watching him made you hurt.

"Did you answer him?" He asked you, leaving the charcoal on the table and brushing the dust from his fingers.

"Of course not! What am I going to tell him? I don't know, it's so frustrating! I think I'll have to go back home with my parents," you said with a pout. The idea of returning there and leaving the city and Kakashi was disgusting, "You can search for another roommate."

"I don't need another roommate," Kakashi said, picking up the charcoal again and returning to his sketches. "Besides, I told you not to worry about the rent." He sentenced, not looking directly at you.

"What are you suggesting then?" You asked angrily, sitting straight next to him, now facing his impassive look with part of his eyes covered by some unruly strands of silver hair, with his eyelashes almost closed in a simple gesture of concentration. He was so perfect.

"I'm just saying that you don't have to worry, I can pay for both of us, until you get more stable in the city."

"Oh no, no, no... That's not gonna happen, Kakashi, that sounds like something my father could say." You answered, crossing your arms stubbornly.

"Maa~. I'm not your father, but as you wish."

"Yeah... let's better keep our counts clear." You said picking up the remote to start changing the channels dramatically.

The silence took over the place, and the only noise perceptible in the room was the charcoal against the papers and your sad sighs. After not finding anything on TV, you decided to turn it off and do some thinking. It was Friday night, and the only thing in your head was that most of your life sucked. When you decided to become a dancer, you thought it would be challenging, but you would enjoy it. You would find a good job and a beautiful apartment to share with a fellow dancer, and you would become close friends to go out on weekends. Instead, you ended up attending more classes than your body could physically support. Working in a bar where you were not even the waitress and leaving with a soon-to-be very talented artist, a bohemian unaware that most of the world around him exists, the man of your life, with the only problem he didn't know it. So yes, there you were, sighing and sighing.

"Could you just stop doing that? Please?" Kakashi asked nicely but coldly.

"Doing what?"

"You know... all those noises, you are not 'La Llorona'" He was mocking you now.

"Hey! Don't be rude... I wasn't doing anything."

"If you say so, but please stop creating problems where there are not," He was looking so sympathetic at you that you felt like melting there. "It's Friday night, don't you have any plan?"

"No... and if I did, I don't have the money nor the mood to go out." No matter what he said to you, you couldn't bear your current situation. "What about you? Don't you have plans?

"Nope... I never have plans on Fridays." Kakashi simply stated.

"Nor Saturdays" You spoke without thinking.

"Are you controlling my schedule?" He said, leaving what he was doing and going to the kitchen to grab a water bottle.

"Nooo... but you are always here." you said almost to yourself.

"Maybe it is because I like it here. There are many beautiful things." Kakashi answered you with a wink, and you couldn't avoid the redness on your face, he smiled, and you died a little with that smile. "You know... I was thinking..." He started talking again after drinking directly from the bottle, a gesture you found more erotic than any porn movie. "If you are so persistent in wanting to pay half everything and you need the money, you could look for an extra job."

"An extra job? Do you think I have time or rest to look for an extra job, Kakashi? You said, approaching him.

"Yes, a job that is kind of related to your profession and it doesn't require much effort and they pay well." So, Kakashi already had an idea, you thought.

"I'm listening..."

"You can work as a live model at the school."

"Oh! It sounds interesting." You answered thoughtfully. "And how do I apply?"

"Well, I can talk with some of the teachers there, and I'm quite sure you will have the work." He said, standing next to you, towering over you.

"Wait..." You suddenly said in realization, "In those lessons, the model isn't naked, right?" You were not going to pose naked.

"Almost all the time, yes. Why?" Kakashi asked as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Then no, I wont, I wont pose naked... No way"

"What? Why?" What's wrong with modelling? You are not telling me that you think that the leotards you wear are not that revealing?"

"What do you mean? They are perfectly fine and descent and you are a perv, just like your colleagues for sure." You were angry, but at the same time, you blushed. He had noticed your leotards.

"You know what, Anna Pavlova? I was just trying to help you. I'm so so sorry." He said, lifting his hands in defeat. "They wouldn't hire you anyway; you are too fit." Now he had that insufferable closed-eyed smile.

"What do you mean, Leonardo?" If he was going to use famous names just to be ironic, you would too.

"What you heard. You are too fit, and you don't have any interesting curve to draw." He finished looking at you from head to toe. He was so close, and you felt so small.

"You are... You are... You... I'm going to have a shower." You didn't have anything else to tell him, so you ran away to hide in the bathroom and have a long shower. You heard him laugh, as always, and you just sighed loudly again.

The long shower really had been a long shower. You stayed under the hot water for a long time, not doing anything but thinking about your life and the recent 'discussion' you just had with Kakashi. It was the first one in a year, and maybe he was trying to help, but you didn't know why you found the offer a bit offensive. You would be offered to a class like an animal for sacrifice to a bunch of students who only wanted to explore your anatomy. You wouldn't be different from an apple, an orange or a bottle; still, it felt weird. Truth be told, dancing in front of people wasn't that different. You would be in a scenario playing the part for others to enjoy or suffer with you. The swan death, Giselle, Carmen, what was the difference? When thinking about it, dancing was a minor sacrifice each day: during class, during exams, and during a performance.

And now, in front of the mirror and with other sensations about modelling, another thing was bothering you. It was true that you would have to fight the shame of being naked, but you were a performer after all; it was just another role. The problem was, 'you are to fit.'

Yes, the ballet had changed your body, and you weren't that curvy anymore, but Kakashi's comment was offensive and sexist, so for once, you were going to prove him wrong.

He wasn't in the living room, so you went straight to his room. You needed to talk to him about your resolutions and his thoughts. You find him lying in his bed watching tv, only dressed in his sweatpants, and you thought you would die there.

"Can we talk?" You began, and when he didn't answer or turn to look at you, you stood between him and the television. "I asked you if we can talk?"

"What do you want now? Don't forget I'm a perv, be carful." He said smugly.

"Oh, so you are hurt for my comment, I'm sorry", you apologized ", I didn't intent to be that rude."

"Maa~ It's ok." Kakashi said, dismissing you with his hand.

"You've been rude too. Your comment about my body was offensive, sexist, misogynist..."

"And a joke." He interrupted, "I think your body is perfect." Kakashi said, blushing.

"Really?" Butterflies exploded in your stomach.

"Yep, otherwise I wouldn't have offered you the job, no matter how much I would envy all those newbies." Kakashi answered, avoiding your gaze and trying to focus on the tv.

"About the ofer..." You began avoiding the last part of the sentence because it was too much to register, and you wouldn't want to believe much in anything that could give you hope about this man, "If I say yes, would you teach me how to be a model?"

Kakashi made silence for a moment, and after a long sigh, he spoke again.

"Yes, I guess I can."

"Then teach me." You said impatiently, doing a ballet pose, and you saw him smile.

"Now?" He said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yes, now." You pushed, trying to keep your balance. "Come on." You said, taking him by his arm to the living room.

After a few moments of looking around, Kakashi finally took out all the things on the coffee table and gently asked you to sit there.

Once seated there, Kakashi approached you and rested his fingers on the edge of your robe,

"Can I?" He asked, and you just nodded your head. Having Kakashi close, barely touching your shoulders with his fingertips, sent electricity through your entire body.

"Now, raise your head and lift your chin, just like that."

Kakashi took a distance to observe you and approached again, "Turn your back and relax your shoulders. Don't stop looking at me. Bring your knees to your chest, and that's it."

"That's it?" You asked, so simple? It couldn't be that simple. He only had removed your robe.

"Yes, pretty much." Kakashi said nervously, picking up the scattered things on the floor.

"Teach me more, please." You pleaded. You were not interested in modelling anymore; you just wanted him close to you, touching you. And when he suddenly turned to see you, you saw a predator in the room. Kakashi was like a cat, and you were his prey.

"Are you sure of what you are asking?"

"Absolutely."

He went to you. He gently caressed your face and looked deep into your eyes, and when he saw no doubt, one hand rested on your small back and the other on your chest, his smile spread as he felt your heartbeat racing but that he didn't care. He gently pushed you back to the table and laid you down. He began by arranging your hair. He ran his hands along the length of your arms, sides, thighs and legs. It was the touch of a feather, and all the senses in your being lit up like never before. With the devotion of an artist in front of his muse, he began to take off your shorts and panties all in one movement. Instinctively, the shame took over your body for a moment, and you unconsciously closed your legs to cover your exposed sex. Kakashi chuckled and gently moved your legs to the side in an elegant, delicate, subtle way. Kakashi continued with the upper part of your body. With expert hands, he removed your shirt and now your entire body was exposed to him. He caressed and accommodated your arms, one above your head and the other below your breasts. The posture was perfect, and now you were his creation.

You stood there unable to move, your body burning, the sweet pain between your legs begging for relief, making it hard to think, you were so wet, and he didn't even properly touch you that way.

"Now what, Kakashi?" You asked in a voice that didn't sound like yours.

"What else do you want? You learnt two different postures now." He was acting smug, but you could see the lust in his eyes. "Do you want me to draw you? Paint you?" He spoke now from his spot on the couch.

"I..." you began unconsciously, taking your hand to your wet sex, "I want you to touch me."

"Really?" He asked, leaning now next to you, touching your hand, pushing you harder, slowly inside you. You moaned at his gesture and nodded with your head. "Fuck it." you heard him say, and you smiled. Suddenly Kakashi was already kneeling by your side and had replaced your hand with his. Inside you, two of his fingers were already playing dangerously close to your limits while you couldn't help but move your whole body in pure ecstasy. Kakashi began to kiss your stomach, leaving traces of his warm lips on every part of your torso until he reached your breasts. He took one in his hands and gently caressed it until tiredness. He took the nipple hardened by excitement and groaned at your reaction. Kakashi took your other breast in his mouth, and with his tongue, he did wonders.

Still jerking you off with his fingers, Kakashi took all the time in the world to stimulate you to make you beg. Still, you resisted.

In one movement, Kakashi sat you on his legs on the ground and your back on his bare chest. The new position made Kakashi's fingers reach places physically unthinkable for you.

You could feel his erection in the small of your back, and instinctively you began to move your hips, rocking back and forth. Kakashi pulled his fingers out of you, and now in his hands, your two breasts were caressed to the point of making you come just with that simple touch and the kisses he gave you. Kisses on your back, on your neck, on your mouth, everywhere. You were so painfully close. The overstimulation was the sweetest torture you've known so far, but you could barely stand it anymore. Instead, Kakashi was calm and totally in control. You thought you would die when he returned to your sticky, wet pussy and pressed your clit with his thumb.

"Ka...kashi...Please," you begged. And he obeyed. As fast as before, he lifted you up and took you to his room, and you both ended up on the bed. He was on top of you, and he would dominate this.

"I always wanted to do this", Kakashi said, looking seriously at you. "I'm going to fuck you now, so is this what you want?"

"I always wanted it too," you manage to say, but before finishing, he was already entering you with his hard cock well erected, and you could only scream his name.

It was rough sex, good sex, and incredible, amazing, animalistic sex. Kakashi was astonishing good, and he was so generous in his ministrations. You couldn't believe what this man was making you feel in every thrust, kiss, and touch. You were so close. With each thrust, you could see one more star in the sky, you needed to come with the force of a hurricane, and Kakashi knew it. Their movements became stronger, more aggressive, yet so exquisite that they knew every place to reach.

The two of you came together. The world succumbed under your bodies, and exhaustion took hold of both of you. Kakashi collapsed on top of you, and you hugged him as tight as you could.

"Why didn't we do this before?" you asked in a whisper in his ear.

"Because you're good at paying half the bills and I didn't want to screw it up."

"Now we can do it more often because I don't have to pay for them anyway."

"Will you accept my help?"

"Oh no... now I know how to model."

"Do not even think about it."

And just like that, Kakashi was already kissing you again, skillfully looking for your crotch for the second time in one night.

[streetlight11]

You're My Art

Summary: You have always loved art. You loved sketching, colouring, painting, you name it. You have always thought that people could never appreciate art like you do. All the people you knew at least, didn’t. However, it all changed when you met him.

Theme: college au, strangers to friends to lovers

Genre: very fluffy

Warnings: none

WC: 7.8k

Pairing: Art Student!Hyunjin x GN!Reader

a/n: Have you seen this boy's artworks? He is so talented, I find his drawings and paintings so satisfying to look at 🥺 So just picture falling in love with Art Student Hyunjin. Oh, what a beautiful feeling that would be.

Ever since you were 6, you have always loved art. Every year, your parents would get you arts and craft sets for your birthday present. You had a whole shelf of all your art supplies and it only expanded as you got older. From just sketch books and colour pencils, to canvases, a whole array of paints, brushes, easels, etc. Your family appreciates your art despite most of it being abstract with no actual object or person as a main focus. Your friends and schoolmates however, don’t really understand your art.

Your friends were at least quite respectful about it while everyone else just straight up calls your artwork hideous or meaningless. It upsets you that no one seems to truly appreciate and see art like you do. It always baffles you whenever a classmate of yours just snickers at your artwork during class and goes, “Even a toddler can draw better than you.”

That comment was unnecessary and it deeply offended you. It made you feel slightly insecure about your art.

Is it really that bad?

Am I not doing it right?

Is my art really meaningless?

These questions floated around your head for quite a while until your parents reassured you by saying that people just don’t appreciate art like you do. Since then, you’ve been living with that mindset that your parents had rooted into your brain. Every time someone criticizes your artwork, you will just remember your dad’s words.

“They just don’t have a creative mind to appreciate art enough.”

Not gonna lie, it made you not care if someone doesn’t like your artwork anymore. It made you understand that art is not for everyone and that it’s okay.

After you graduated high school, you decided to go to a college which specializes in just Art courses. A whole variety of courses were available that ranged from performing arts to fine arts. As for you, you of course chose fine arts that involve painting and sketching rather than performing and dancing. Unfortunately for you, the school was in a whole different city from your hometown so you decided to move out and find a cosy yet affordable apartment near campus.

You managed to rent a studio apartment that was just nice for one person to live in. And of course, you turned the living space into literally, your art space with a single bed in the corner for where you sleep and that’s about it. Everything else is for your art space except the kitchen and bathroom. Even so, you were very content with this.

Art was your hobby but most importantly, your passion. You have no idea where you would be right now if you hadn’t loved art this much.

You were going to start school in two days but you were already excited. When you submitted your portfolio to the school for your college application, you included all your previous artwork from when you were young, up till present. You explained about your interest and what made you love art.

Though you weren’t confident in earning a spot in the course, you managed to get in and it blew your mind away.

This particular college has been your dream school ever since you were halfway through high school. The amount of good reviews and amazing achievements that the students who graduated from this school gave you just enough motivation to work hard and get into the course you’ve been aiming for.

And here you are.

Just two days away from the start of your journey in college life doing the thing you loved most and that was art. It still feels so surreal to you. No more mathematics, no more chemistry, no more history…

Just art.

Upon arriving at the campus grounds, you inhaled a long breath of fresh air. The morning breeze filling your nostrils as you smiled to yourself. “This is it. No more worrying about other subjects. Just you and art, Y/N. You can do this.” You thought to yourself while you checked your schedule in your email to find your classroom.

Once you made it, you noticed the door hanging ajar as students began to slowly pile in. Considering nobody was talking to each other, you assumed you were in the right class.

You managed to find a seat near the middle of the room as there were about 20 seats scattered around the room with art supplies next to each wooden round chair. After you’ve settled down in one, you curiously glance around the room to see your classmates. Usually, you’re not the type of person who is considered friendly but you’re not really arrogant either.

You’re okay if others approached you first, you just weren’t the type to come up to strangers and strike up the first conversation. Which is something you’ve been struggling with.

So when you accidentally locked eyes with a guy sitting right next to your seat, you flashed him a friendly smile and said softly in hopes that he would be nice to you, “Hello.” You almost wanted the ground to swallow you whole as the guy simply ignored you and went ahead to turn his back to you before taking out his art materials from his backpack.

Oh. Right. This is exactly why you hated making the first move into making new friends.

With that being said, you awkwardly nodded to yourself and whispered a very soft ‘okay’.

As the time goes by, you realize that everyone in the class seems to be pretty unfriendly. None of them were talking to each other. Some were openly staring and judging other students like they were in some kind of competition.

You don’t understand why they were doing that because you were all classmates and at the end of the day, art is supposed to be carefree. No art is too much or too boring. Every single piece of artwork has its own essence and meaning to it, you just need to be open minded and have a creative mind to appreciate them.

Unfortunately, it seems as though you have been placed with a group of artists who only see their art as the best and the most pleasant one to look at. None of them see and appreciate art like you do.

What a great start to your first semester.

As much as you thought that college would allow you to meet new people who share the same perspective and appreciation as you in art, it looks like you were wrong. Your classmates weren’t only arrogant, but they’re also competitive. It’s fine though, you just have to focus on the art content and your professor.

Who cares if you don’t make any friends in college? The only thing that matters is that you’re expanding your skills and knowledge on something you love.

It has been almost 3 months now since your first class and it wasn’t a surprise that you were still alone with no particular friends in class. Some were on their own just like you, some were acquainted in pairs, and some were already in a group. At first you did wonder why nobody bothered to befriend you.

Was it because you were too unapproachable?

Was it because of all your artwork?

Was it because they see you as a competition?

You have absolutely no idea. You couldn’t even bring yourself to think of a reason why they decided to leave you out so you resorted to just minding your own business and not giving a single shit about what they think of you and your art.

It was a rainy Friday evening and you didn’t really have anywhere to go so you decided to just stay home and paint. You wore your art apron to protect your clothes from the coloured paint and soon, you began to let the brush in your hand move to its own accord. Not bothering to draw a base outline of what you intended on painting. After about 3 hours of focus, you finally took a few steps back to admire the piece you created.

It was a landscape picture of the ocean from the top of the hill which overlooks the huge cliffs along the side, the waves crashing onto shore below and the pretty sun setting in the horizon.

You smiled, feeling proud of yourself for doing this freehand. This has been something you’ve wanted to try for so long and you finally managed to do it with the help of your professor during the past few classes. Usually, you would draw a very light sketch on the canvas for the outline and then you would use that as a guideline for where to colour and paint.

Hence, the reason why you felt proud for creating this art piece free handed.

Just then, you could’ve sworn it sounded like a dragon was in your studio apartment due to the rumbling sound of your stomach. Oh damn. You were so engrossed in painting, you forgot to eat your dinner. There wasn’t any leftover food from lunch and you still hadn’t gone to the supermarket to buy your groceries yet for the weekend and potentially next week.

With that being said, you decided to go for your grocery run in the dead of night. Well, not really. It’s only 12:27am.

Yes. Only 12:27am.

Since you were hungry, you might as well grab something to eat and buy your groceries too, you thought.

So about 10 minutes later, you arrived at the 24 hour local supermarket to get your groceries. You remembered to make a list of things to buy in case you forgot. The fact that it was past midnight, the supermarket was quite barren save for some families and a few young adults like you who were probably starving and wanted to grab some snacks to eat at home.

You were just scanning the shelves for your favourite box of instant pancake mix when you noticed the last box is at the very top of the racks. Not only that, you were too short to even reach it.

Oh no.

However, because you wanted it and you have been craving to have pancakes for breakfast these days, you made it your mission to get that box no matter what.

With that being said, you began to stand on your tippy toes and stretched your arm out as far as you can to even reach for the corner of the box. Of course it had to be a few inches away from the very end of the shelves, making it nearly impossible for you to grab it. After a few failed attempts to try and take it without jumping or climbing, you tried to jump and reach for the box. Much to your dismay, the box fell back.

Well, that didn’t go too well, did it?

“Shit… How the hell am I supposed to take it now?” You softly whined to no one in particular as you rested both hands on your hips. You were starting to contemplate on getting a staff to help or climb the shelves and take it yourself.

However, while you were busy thinking and struggling for the past few minutes, you didn’t even realize that some people who had been walking past the aisle you’re in, had seen you the whole time you were jumping and straining your arms to get the box. And yet, nobody bothered to help you.

How rude.

You weren’t giving up just yet so you began to stand on your tiptoes again to try and reach for the box. Right at that moment, a soft voice spoke up from behind you as you turned over your shoulder to find a cute guy staring at you with a finger pointing towards the highest rack on the shelves where your pancake box is.

“Do you need some help getting that?” He asked to which you quickly replied to avoid seeming like a creep for staring at him too long.

“U-Uh… Yes please. Sorry to trouble you.” You said before stepping aside and telling him which box you wanted.

The male nods as he steps forward and extends his arm up, easily grabbing the pancake box from the rack with little to no effort at all. Of course, he’s tall. Way taller than you to be more precise. He had jet black hair that was at least an inch above his shoulders. He tied his hair up in a half up do with small strands of hair tucked out of his ponytail to frame his face on either side.

Damn, he is so cute.

He soon gave you the box to which you took it from his hand and smiled at him politely as you said, “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.” He said before returning your smile by doing the same. The minute he left, you couldn’t help but wonder…

Does he live around here?

Which school does he go to?

What is his name?

Does he have a special someone?

Wait what?

Today was a bright and sunny Wednesday morning. The sun was out blaring down on you, the heat was crazy. Thankfully, you managed to arrive on campus before your body became a sweaty mess. Walking to your art building with your air pods in and music blasting through its speakers, you quietly bopped your head to the beat of the song. Completely in your own little bubble.

When you arrived in class, most of the seats were already occupied, save for yours and two others.

Not long after you walked in, the remaining two students entered. You placed your bag down on the ground beside your chair as you went to take some brushes from the table. Some were busy chatting with each other while some just minded their own business.

You had just taken a box of paint and turned around to put on your side stand when your cup got knocked off the stand and onto the ground with a loud thud. You cursed under your breath as you placed the box of paint down and was about to reach for the cup when a hand had already grabbed it.

Those hands…

“I think you dropped this.”

That voice…

You watched as the person held the cup in his hand that extended out towards you. That’s when you finally glance up to meet the same guy who helped you the other day with your box of pancake mix in the supermarket.

“U-Uh… Thanks.” You said quietly to which he smiled, causing his eyes to disappear into two adorable crescent moons.

“You’re welcome.” He said and you wondered…

Does he remember you?

Hmm. Maybe he doesn’t.

“Have you made pancakes with the box of mix yet?” He suddenly asked.

Okay, maybe he does.

“H-Huh? Oh! Y-Yeah! I actually made it for breakfast the next morning.” You said, making him chuckle. Just then, you noticed he was still standing and there were no other seats available so you couldn’t help but ask, “I don’t mean to sound rude, but are you new here?”

He nodded in response before telling you that he just transferred from his previous college. He didn’t go into details as to why he transferred but all you needed to know was that he’s a new student to the class. So you asked him to sit down in your chair just in time for your professor to walk in. You excused yourself to go and approach your professor, telling him that he has a new student joining your class from today onwards and that he doesn’t have a seat.

Upon this new information, your professor contacted the department staff to bring in an extra seat and art equipment for the new student.

When you went back to join him, who was seated quietly on your stool, he turned to you and asked for your name.

“I’m Y/N. You are?” You asked.

“I’m Hyunjin. It’s nice to meet you.” He smiled. His smile could easily cure sadness.

“How long have you been into art?” He asked.

“Since I was 6. I’ve always found it fun and cool to look at. Especially ones that don’t have any specific object to focus on.”

“Me too! I mean, I usually draw or paint a specific thing but I do like seeing abstract art. It just gets me to imagine and be creative with what the art wants to portray itself to me.” Hyunjin explained. You were stunned. Nobody has ever said this to you. No one has ever said they liked abstract art. All these years, people have only asked you the same questions and said the same thing over and over again.

What is so nice about abstract art? It’s just pointless and ugly.

Why do people even paint those? It’s horrendous.

What do you even see in these streaks? They’re just lines.

If this is what you call art, then it’s rubbish.

So for someone to say this to you, it honestly surprises you. His comment definitely wasn’t seen coming. Unfortunately, Hyunjin mistakes your silence for something negative. Hence, the reason why he quietly spoke up, “Did I… say something wrong?”

With that being said, you’ve never panicked so fast in your life.

“What? No! No, it’s just… No one has ever said that to me before. The people I know have always been very negative and not understanding about art, more specifically abstract art. No one in my life has ever appreciated art like I do. That’s why I was a little shocked when you said that.” You explained yourself and you could see the way his eyes softened as he stared at you while you spoke.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. It must be tough to always hear those comments being said to you, huh?” He asked gently to which you shrugged your shoulders at him.

“I learned to ignore them over time. My dad told me this sentence and I’ve never been bothered by those people ever since. He said ‘they just don’t have a creative mind to appreciate art enough’ and I completely agree.” You smiled. Hyunjin nods because he too has the same mindset.

Not long after, one of the school staff brought in an extra stool complete with new art materials and equipment for Hyunjin, in which he helped by taking the stool and putting it just next to your space. The minute the professor was about to start, Hyunjin turned to you with a bright smile and whispered to you softly so that he wouldn’t interrupt the professor while he teaches.

“Don’t listen to what those people say.”

“Mmm, definitely won’t.” You replied, earning a soft chuckle followed by a nod before he turned back to the front of the class where your professor was teaching something new.

Maybe you would have a friend in college after all.

About two hours later, lunch time came rolling in. While everyone was busy keeping their art materials including yourself, a soft tap to your shoulder made you turn around to find Hyunjin standing there with his bag already hanging off his shoulder.

“Hey, um… Can I join you for lunch?” He asked.

“Yeah, of course.” You said as he patiently waited for you to finish packing. However, the minute you were about to walk off with him, Hyunjin stopped for a moment as he glanced behind him to where the other students were just chatting away while they slowly made their way to the back door.

“Aren’t your other friends coming?” He asked, to which you turned to look at where he was staring at. That’s when you realized that he may have thought that they were your friends.

“Oh, they’re not my friends... To be fair, I don’t have any friends in this class. I mean, not that I have any outside class either but yeah.” You explained as he looked at you with a confused expression. Nonetheless, both of you began walking towards the main building where the food hall was. You both chatted and got to know each other a little more during your walk. You found out that he has been interested in art not too long ago and to add on to that, he also loves photography. More specifically, film photography.

You ended up buying lunch and sat at the rooftop garden where there’s peace and quiet instead of being surrounded by other rowdy college students in the food hall. Turns out, after a few minutes of talking and joking around, you and Hyunjin shared quite a few things in common other than your interest in art.

Right before lunch ends, Hyunjin looks up from his can of soda and smiles at you, only to make a very bold statement that makes your heart feel warm.

“Let’s be friends from here on out.”

Without a struggle to respond to his words, you smiled as you raised your can of soda to him and gestured in a ‘cheers’ motion while you said, “To the start of our friendship.” Hyunjin soon clinks his can against yours.

“To the start of our friendship.” He repeated your words before you both said cheers and drank your sodas.

Days turned into weeks and your friendship with Hyunjin grew even stronger with the time that passed. No doubt he is your friend, you can't deny the fact that he is really good looking. His visuals are definitely a bonus point to his personality. Not only is he cute but he is also kind hearted. He is just a pure sweetheart that wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

And at this point, after 4 months of knowing him, it was quite obvious that your feelings for him had blossomed.

You just wished you could say the same for him.

It was a Saturday afternoon, you had just gotten back from your errands and Hyunjin asked if you wanted to hangout later in the day since it was the weekend. You asked where he wanted to go. He suggested going ice skating then getting some ice cream waffles in which you easily agreed to it.

A few hours later, you had already showered and changed into a new set of clothes. Hyunjin said he’s going to pick you up so while waiting for him to arrive, you went to your phone that was charging on your desk to scroll through your social media. Upon clicking your Instagram app, you saw at the top of your newsfeed page, Hyunjin’s account with a new story he posted. So you clicked on it and it was a mirror shot of him.

He was wearing a white shirt, skinny jeans and a bomber jacket. It might look like a simple outfit but he looks so good in them.

“I swear, he’s gonna be the death of me one of these days.” You whispered to yourself just in time to receive a message bubble from him saying he’s arrived downstairs so you quickly grabbed your things and left, not forgetting to lock your front door.

The moment you left your apartment complex, he was seen leaning against his parked jeep beside the pavement. He was in the same outfit as the one in his Instagram story post.

Breathe Y/N. Breathe.

The closer you got, you start to notice the accessories he wore. The silver chain bracelets on his right hand, the smart watch on his left hand, the simple necklace around his neck, the rings on some of his fingers, the dangling earring on one ear…

Hwang Hyunjin, I swear…

You’ve seen him with some of these accessories before but for some reason, today just hits you differently and you wonder why. Once you were about 5 steps away, he looked up to meet your eyes and soon, his own eyes disappeared into two crescent moons when he smiled at you.

“Hey! You’re late.” He then pouted, jutting out his bottom lip.

Damn it Hyunjin.

“By like, 10 seconds…” You joked, to which he rolled his eyes but you knew he never meant it. He opened the door for you and even closed it for you before going to the driver's side. He pulled out of the parking space and drove off into the distance, allowing the sight of your apartment complex to get smaller and smaller in the side mirror.

The journey to the ice skating rink wasn’t too far away as the ride consists of you two making jokes and laughing about random things. A day with him has never been a bore. You could literally go on and on about art without feeling tired or bored by it. Sometimes you would gossip about students in your class who tend to be slightly rude and egotistical towards you and Hyunjin whenever it comes to individual assignments.

They always compare either one of your artworks to theirs and if you got better scores than they did, they would throw insults over at you or Hyunjin and would even go to the extent of sabotaging your artwork.

It’s ridiculous.

Minutes later, you finally arrived at the indoor skating rink. Both of you abandoned the vehicle and soon entered the building. There weren't many people around so that was good.

Hyunjin and you went to the counter to rent your skating boots and also pay for the fees. Once you both, or well in this case, Hyunjin, had paid for all of it, you then made your way to the seats near the rink entrance. You weren’t good at ice skating so you didn’t know what to expect. However, Hyunjin claimed that he was an advanced ice skater and that he will guide you. All you want is for him to not make fun of you for you’re about to look like a baby giraffe learning how to walk when you’re on the ice.

Despite knowing that would happen considering it’s Hyunjin, a part of you can’t seem to be mad if he does make fun of you. After all, you would definitely make fun of yourself anyways. With that being said, the two of you began to walk towards the entrance except you were lowkey struggling to walk in those boots. Hyunjin laughed as he turned around and asked, “Can you walk?”

“Do you see me crawling?” You asked sarcastically but it only made him laugh even more.

“You will be once we’re on the ice.”

“I thought you said you were going to teach me?”

“I will. I’m just gonna warn you that it won’t be easy though.” Hyunjin said as he steps onto the ice and soon glides backwards away from you with his hands behind his back. He skates in a figure 8 twice before coming back to find you just stuck frozen by the entrance.

“How am I gonna teach you if you’re not gonna go on the ice?” Hyunjin cackles, clutching onto his stomach while he laughs.

“What if I fall?”

“You won’t.”

“Liar…”

“Come on Y/N! We don’t have all day! Let’s go.” He insists as he grabs your hand and drags in you, making you squeak. The moment both your feet are on the ice, your heart almost jumps out of your chest from how slippery it was. You nearly fell.

Thankfully, Hyunjin was quick to wrap his other arm around your waist and maintained your balance. Your hands flew to his forearms as you heard him ask softly above you. His voice was genuinely concerned.

“Are you okay?”

To that, you glanced up to find him already staring down at you. You almost forgot how to speak from being so flustered by how close your face was with his.

“Y-Yeah… I’m fine.” You replied quietly, all of which, Hyunjin nodded and slowly pulled away from you.

The next few minutes were spent with you holding his hands throughout the entire rounds of skating in the rink. There were of course a few slips here and there but he was quick to catch you before you could faceplant the ice beneath you. An hour quickly went by and you could proudly say that you’ve barely succeeded in ice skating on your own. This would probably be the last time you try ice skating.

You left the place after returning the boots, only to then head to an ice cream waffle cafe in town. Surprisingly enough, Hyunjin pays for the dessert too. He even rejects you when you try to give him money for your share of the sweet dessert.

The only thing he said to you was, “It’s okay, my treat.” When he finally parked outside your apartment complex, he asked if he could walk you to your door.

This was the first time he ever did this.

Normally after you spend a day with him, be it from hanging out or on your way home from school, he would either just stay in his car and watch you leave or he would send you to the main entrance of your apartment complex on the days where he chose not to drive to school.

So naturally, you said okay.

You’ve known him for quite a while now, he was no longer a stranger. In fact, you could proudly refer to him as your friend at this point. Even so, neither of you has properly been to the other’s place before.

And because of that reason alone, you wanted him to know that this is your way of indirectly telling him that you’re already comfortable enough to let him know exactly where you stayed. Hyunjin follows you as you lead the way, all the while chatting and keeping your conversation going. Once you made it to your door, you turned to him and saw a small little pout on his face.

“This is my stop. Today was… interesting I would say.” You spoke up, earning a soft laugh from him before you continued, “Thanks for being patient with me in the rink though… and uh… sorry for squeezing your hands too hard. You have no idea how scared I was to not fall on my ass the entire time.”

Hyunjin laughed as he throwed his head back, a little habit of his that you adore. Silence fell upon you for a few seconds until he spoke up.

“I guess I shall leave you to rest then. Goodnight Y/N.” He said, but for some reason, you felt like doing something you’ve never done. So when he was about to walk away, that’s when you called his name softly to catch his attention. Hyunjin turns to face you with a slightly confused smile but still so soft and harmless as he hums in response.

With that being said, you closed the gap between you two and soon wrapped your arms around his waist. This caught him by surprise but he actually liked it. So to avoid misunderstandings, Hyunjin swiftly wraps his arms around your shoulders and holds you close against his chest, letting you get a good whiff of his cologne. You stayed like that for a while, pulling away only when he did.

You avoided his eyes for a brief second and you could already hear his little shy giggle.

“Why did you suddenly wanna do that?” He asked innocently.

“I… um… I’ve been having a bad week…” You said softly to which Hyunjin pouted and opened his arms again, gesturing for you to hug him. So you did. He wraps his arms around you again and it makes you feel so calm. He holds you for a few more seconds before pulling away to ask, “Feeling better now?”

“Much better. Thank you.” You giggled, earning a ruffle of your hair by him.

“Go rest. I’ll text you once I’m home.”

“Okay… Drive safe…”

“Will do. Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Jinie.”

“Alright class, I will be giving you an individual assignment. The due date will be at the end of next week. Today is what… Wednesday? You have 9 days to decide on what you want to do. The theme of this assignment will be to create an art piece of something that you love most. It can be an object, a person, a place, an animal, etc. I believe you all won’t disappoint me, yes?” Your professor said, in which everyone in the room responded with a yes.

“Very well then. At the end of next week, please keep your canvases in an opaque bag. Your art work shall be kept hidden from everyone else’s view except for me. Is that clear?”

“Yes sir.”

“Amazing. Class dismissed.”

Sounds of brushes being kept, canvases being put away, sketchbooks being tossed into bags filled your ears as you too did the same. Just as you were keeping your things in your bag, Hyunjin spoke up to you, causing you to turn around.

“Hey, I heard there’s a new art gallery opening downtown. Do you wanna go with me this Saturday?” He asked.

“Art gallery? Hell yeah!” You beamed in excitement as he laughed at your reaction.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 2pm?”

“Sure. Can’t wait!” You giggled while you two left the classroom. You were asking each other about what you planned on painting for the assignment, only for you to tease him by saying it’s a secret. You joked with him about painting a portrait of yourself holding a bagel in your hands and he laughed. You already had something in mind. You already knew what you wanted to draw. However, you’re not gonna tell him. It’s an individual assignment for a reason.

But of course, that’s not the only reason why you didn’t want to tell him.

Saturday rolls in and you made it a point to wear something nice today. Nobody said anything about it being a date. You don’t have to wear nice clothes for it to be a date. Apparently, Hyunjin has the same thought too. When he told you he was downstairs, you grabbed your things from the table and soon left your apartment to avoid keeping him waiting. Once you made it downstairs, you nearly lost your breath upon seeing his choice of clothing.

He decided to wear a loose white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, shirt tucked into his denim skinny jeans along with a white cap. He wore a silver chain bracelet, a necklace, a pair of earrings and a few rings on some of his fingers.

Hyunjin scans your outfit and almost immediately, a smile appears on his lips.

“Don’t you look dashing.” He teased, to which you laughed.

“I’d say the same for you.” You said as he opened his passenger door for you.

After he got in, he soon drove off and you blasted your favourite songs in his car. The drive to the art gallery was quite a journey due to the weekend traffic but you still made it. There was a queue to enter the art gallery and only then did you remember…

“Wait… We don’t have tickets to enter!” You panicked as you saw the main guy asking for tickets at the front of the line before allowing guests to enter the gallery exhibition. With that being said, Hyunjin fishes into his back pocket and pulls out two tickets casually and holds it in front of you.

“That’s why I bought it beforehand.” He said, making your mouth hang agape.

“When did you-”

“Remember when I asked if you wanted to go here with me? I got the tickets the same day I asked. I knew it would sell out fast so I chose not to wait till the very last minute.” He explained.

Whoever dates him will be the luckiest person on earth. How you wished it would be you.

“Aww, Hyunjin ah… You didn’t have to. It must’ve been pricey, wasn’t it?” You asked but he simply shook his head and told you it wasn’t too expensive. Yet, you didn’t trust him because you knew art gallery entrance fees can reach up to 60 bucks sometimes. However, he reassured you saying not to worry about the ticket and just enjoy the exhibition with him.

And that was exactly what you did.

A few minutes later, you finally entered the gallery exhibition with him, instantly getting excited over the artworks on the wall. There was a whole variety of them.

From abstract art, to fine art.

Every time you entered a new part of the exhibition, you couldn’t help but gently grab his inner elbow and point to the art. At some point, Hyunjin would tell you to go check it out first and you saw him holding onto his film camera. So whenever he told you to go on first, you couldn’t bring yourself to get upset knowing he was probably busy taking photos of the art.

You were just admiring an art piece when a flash of light appeared on the art you were looking at so you turned around to find Hyunjin standing a few feet behind you with the camera aimed at you.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” You giggled in which he chuckled.

“It looked nice so I just randomly snapped it. I hope you don’t mind.” He bashfully smiled at you, making you shake your head to tell him you were okay with him taking a picture of you. Afterwards, both of you walked side by side again, admiring and saying out your own creative opinions on each art you see. You were almost at the end of the exhibition, he was still walking beside you while he took pictures of the art.

Just then, Hyunjin held onto your wrist and said, “Hey, let’s get one picture together.” You agreed to it as you asked where he wanted to take the picture. He made you choose and soon he approached a couple and asked for their help to take your picture.

When Hyunjin came back to you, he stood beside you and you wondered what he would do. However, the minute you felt him snake an arm around your waist, your heart skipped a few beats.

You turned to ask him how to pose for the picture but instead, you got slightly flustered by how close his face was with yours as he was already looking down at you. That’s when he smiled and whispered softly so that only you could hear, “Can I go closer?” With that being said, you simply nodded as he leaned down a little more and you couldn’t help but let the corner of your lips curve up.

The moment you could feel his nose gently brush against his, you heard the sound of the camera click. He playfully nudged his head towards you, feeling his lips graze over yours briefly before he pulled away completely.

Both of you left after he took his camera back, neither of you dared to acknowledge what happened earlier.

Lucky for you, he didn’t act like he was awkward or anything so you didn’t as well. Similar to the other night when you went ice skating with him, he offered to walk you to your door. There were times where you would feel like his pinkie was brushing against yours and at one point felt like he wanted to lock pinkies with you.

When you made it in front of your door, Hyunjin was the first to speak up.

“I hope you had fun today, cause I definitely did.”

“Any day with you is always fun.” You teased him in which you see the cute pink tints on his cheeks as he chuckled.

“This might be random, but do you think I can get a hug before I go?” Hyunjin asked. You of course wanted it so saying no was never going to be an option. Instead of verbally responding to his question, you opened your arms instead for him. He laughed but nevertheless, took a few steps closer and soon wrapped his arms around your shoulders.

You easily buried your face in his chest as you hugged him by the waist securely. This feels so comforting and warm, you wish you could stay like this forever. A few minutes later, he left not without saying goodnight and when he did, you couldn’t help but smile.

You knew exactly what to do for your assignment that was due next week.

Two weeks later, everyone’s artworks have been submitted to your professor for grading. Nobody knows what the other students drew. You were just sitting in your own spaces while everyone was busy chatting amongst themselves including you and Hyunjin when your professor walked in with a bright smile on his face.

“Good morning class, I have already seen and marked your individual assignment. I must say, I am very impressed with all your works, especially 3 of you which I’m not going to say who it belongs to but I will show the art pieces.” He said as he soon took out a canvas from the opaque bag.

Immediately, a group in the corner started cheering for the girl who was wearing that smug look on her face. The art was of beauty products and a picture of a girl who looks somewhat like herself. Clearly she loves herself and makeup more than anyone else.

You quietly listened to your professor explain why this piece was his third favourite, only for Hyunjin to whisper to you, “That’s a little shameless if you ask me.”

With that being said, you couldn’t help but giggle as you gently slapped his arm. A few minutes later, your professor kept the canvas and went to reach in for the second one as he spoke up.

“Now this next one, is very simple but has a very meaningful touch to it I would say. Not only did this person include fine art, they also included a small bit of abstract art as well.” Your professor said as he soon took out the canvas.

Almost instantly, you felt your breath hitch in your throat.

It was your artwork.

“As you all can see, this person clearly shows that they love art from all the art materials on the desk, the easel, the canvas, and the arm that belongs to the artist who is also painting a picture which shows an abstract art of a camera. So from this itself, I think this person loves art and photography. I think this is very good.” Your professor explained.

Just when you thought you could get away from being exposed, Hyunjin decides to whisper to you. Something that you hoped he would never notice.

“Is… that yours?” He asked, in which you couldn’t help but avoid his eyes.

“No it’s not, what are you talking about?” You tried to lie but he could see right through you. Hence, the reason why he softly chuckled at you.

“Liar… If that’s not yours, why aren’t you looking at me when you answer?” He asked, making you click your tongue and roll your eyes at him.

“Oh hush.” You said as he laughed again and soon turned his attention back to your professor.

Minutes passed, it was finally time for the last art. Your professor took the canvas out and you could’ve sworn you recognized the art. The art was mostly abstract but you could make out the picture to be someone standing in the middle while they’re looking at a huge art piece on the wall. The only reason why you recognized it is because you’ve seen this picture before.

The original picture that this art piece was based on.

So after your professor had finished explaining why this was his favourite one out of all of them, he kept all the artworks and soon continued with his teaching. All the while, you tried not to think about that art piece. Of course you know it was Hyunjin’s but you just don’t want to acknowledge it.

With that being said, once your professor had dismissed you all, everyone began to keep their belongings. However, for some reason, Hyunjin and you seemed to be taking your own sweet time with keeping your stuff to the point where the rest of your classmates had already left. And not long after, your professor looked at you two and smiled.

“Are you two not going for lunch?” He asked.

“Uh… we’ll go in a bit, sir.” Hyunjin replied, to which your professor soon nodded and left.

The moment it was just you and Hyunjin left in the room, the room fell silent for a few beats before you decided to acknowledge him.

“You painted that?” You asked softly in which Hyunjin smiled shyly as he avoided your gaze but nonetheless answered your question.

“Mhm… Do you hate it?” He asked quietly.

“No… I actually loved it.” You said as he finally looked at you. His eyes were soft but you almost couldn’t read his expression.

“The aim of this assignment was to create an artwork of something you love most… Then does that mean…” You whispered your last sentence, too afraid to speak louder. Hyunjin smiles as he carefully scoots closer to you and gently cups your face with one hand while the other holds your waist.

“Do you need me to verbally confirm it?” He asked in a hushed tone. Your heart was racing in your chest but you wanted to hear it from his mouth so you nodded softly. Hyunjin smiled sweetly before he leaned in to leave his lips just an inch from yours.

“I’m in love with you Y/N.” He whispers as you feel him caress your cheek with his thumb. Butterflies erupted in your stomach upon his confession and you could’ve sworn your heart skipped a few beats.

“Good, because I think I’m in love with you too.”

With that being said, he breaks into a wide smile as he captures your lips in a gentle kiss. It felt so surreal to kiss your best friend but hey, at least the feeling’s mutual. Your mind was swirling when you felt the corner of his lips curve into a smile against your lips. He hugs you closer while you melt in his arms. He pulls away softly, letting his forehead rest against yours while he caresses your cheeks.

“I’m glad I met you that night in the supermarket.” He said, making you shyly giggle.

“I was kind of surprised that you remembered me on your first day in class to be honest.”

“How could I not remember the cutie from the supermarket that was struggling to get the pancake box at the highest shelf?” Hyunjin teased you and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him playfully.

“Now you’re just being a flirt, aren’t you?” You said, making him wink at you.

“Is it working?” He asked.

A soft scoff left your lips but you also laughed, causing him to capture you in a kiss. The kiss was playful but also sweet, something you knew that just radiates off him naturally for he is the sweetest yet playful boy you’ve ever met.

You’re just lucky to have met someone who likes you for who you are and also appreciates art like you do.

~~~

[gloriousbakeryzonkoaf]

Myc x half human and half alien mushroom

Because of your alien half you are essentially immortal.

(Alien form ) You have a tail and tentacle like hair and small mushroom cap on your head

(Human form) - your are pretty... average . You have flower bud barrette in your hair

You tried to hide the alien side of you even though you work in Cognito Inc that work along side with other quote on quote aliens and monster/cryptids

How you became half alien mushroom was a mystery it all happen when you were 14 . At the time you wore jeans, a jacket with computer logo, green shirt and glasses that you have modify to give you all the information about person, animal or object with one glance even though you don't need glasses to see since you created a cure to blindness did I mention that you're intelligent. You are incredibly intelligent but you kept that to yourself even to your own parents because you don't them freaking out as well as having people wanting "be friends" with you only for inventions . You create a portal gun . You use the gun and it create a portal to some beautiful place filled with colors you can't even imagine. Once you step into the portal your portal gun start to malfunction and portal behind you closes . You were stuck here then you pass out then wake up back in your bedroom . You that it was all a dream until you saw your portal gun on your nightstand.

You been asking yourself questions like, "What happened" "Why am I here... back in my room" "Wait how did I get back in my room". All of this didn't make any sense. You were sure that you traveled into other world. You saw it with your own two eyes. You were sure of it you even have proof, your broken portal gun. Wait it's not broken anymore

"Huh"

That strange. gosh this day just got weird, well more weirder than creating a portal to a other world. wait a minute what day is today. Think y/n think, yesterday was March 20th. You grab your phone and check the time 7:56 p.m March 20th. What! Huh? That still doesn't explain any of this. Ok y/n lets back track . I made a portal gun, create a portal, went into the portal, saw an amazing world, portal breaks and everything fade to black. Did I pass out? It was certainly NOT a dream.

As I still have my portal gun on my nightstand which I notice some kind of note and vile. The note was written in different language you don't quite understand and the paper that was written on or at least you thought it was paper feels weird and move almost "alive". The vile has a greenish blue liquid and slight glow. Maybe this note and vile hold the answer on what happen to you and how you came back in exact time you left. You just about to go in your secret laboratory in your bedroom. Until

Y/n . Your mom call

No time you grab the note and vial put them in one your pockets of your jacket and head down stairs.

As you went down stairs you see your parents talking to some old dude.

"There she is. My favorite daughter" your dad said.

You snort and said , " I'm your only daughter."

"Even better "

"So this is y/n that you been telling me about" , the old dude said.

The one aannd only your dad wink.

You took a look at the dude and your glasses reads :

Species: Human

Name: J.R. Scheimpough.

Height: 5,9

Age 44

He the co CEO of some company called Cognito Inc .

Hello as you probably already know I'm y/n and you are?

I'm J.R . he put his hand and you shake.

Mister J

Just J.R please

Ok J.R may I ask how are doing in this evening.

Hah a really go getter I like that. J.R said

Well I was here visiting one my friends ain't that right Mr L/n

Hah you got that right. Dad said

That was when your dad told me all about you, he won't shut up talking about you.

Dad! Y/n said getting flustered.

Sorry my little genius I can't it help you're just that amazing to talk about. dad said

Your dad right honey. Mom said

As far I hear and as well as I can see you have achieved many things in life. J.R said

Graduated college at the age 10. your dad started

Won the Nobel Prize. your mom said

You give a look to both of them but they just laugh and giddy about something.

So I get to the point, I want to offer a great opportunity.

And that is. Y/n said

Well job. J.R said

What?, this guy can't be serious. you thought

A job?? Where Y/N said

Yes, a job at my company of course. J.R said

You look at your parents they nodded then you back at J.R. You start to feel puzzled like why this and why now of all times. First the potral incident and now this.

Wow, you started, thanks um may I ask what the job entails? Y/N asked.

Well I can't give much detail as of yet but I can tell you'll be work in your very own lab conducting experiments or inventing things that'll help the company.

And you're willingly hiring a 14 year old kid that you heard about you thought.

May I think about it I rather not make hasty decisions.

Of course you can. Anyway it was a lovely finally meeting you here my card .

J.R leaves the house

You look at your parents who's all giddy

Aren't you excited ? Your dad finally ask.

Um I'm more confuse then anything else.

Honey we're doing this for you as you know we can't afford much. It nearly cost your dad an arm and a leg to afford that ophthalmologist appointment mom said

Your mom right J.R could provide things that we couldn't. You get your own freakin lab Dad said

Now you feel guilty all the scholarships, you don't glasses anymore , and the secret lab you have your room.

But it's all to sudden don't you think. I'm still a kid. You said.

We know honey it's scary to leave out of the nest especially this soon but I promise you it'll be worth it. I tell you what how about we go get your (favorite dessert) from that bakery/ice cream store. Dad said.

Ok. you said

All three of you get ready to go out mom went to the kitchen to put away groceries. Dad went to his office/mancave. And you went to your room , you have somethings to think about.

*in thoughts*

* I could come clean about everything and run the risk of having the media constantly on me, I invented the cure blindness for pete sake, or take the job.*

Obviously I should take the job . you said out loud.

Y/N you ready to go. mom said

Be right down.

*Alright just tell mom and dad I'll take the job offer but after (favorite dessert). Yum I can taste it now*

You walk down stairs to see your parents already at the door you put your hands in your jacket pocket that when you realize you still have the note and vile in your pocket you try to go back upstairs to put it away. However your dad grab and spun you around.

There she/he is. dad said

Heeey pppuut mere dddown.

Tell me what you think of it so far🙏

I will now update this once in a while.

[cooloddball]

your thoughts about saying Mish and Jen meeting at the right time is really interesting because I reckon their interactions would have been very different, as you said Jensen was the kind of person to thank jesus for an award and misha was a bit of a rebel, so they probably would have had this very interesting chemistry, but it'd be like enemies to friends to lovers (or friends whichever way you think...i am just perceiving) - where as by the time they met now, Jensen was with Danneel so I 1/?

think Danneel kind of helped him become a bit more liberal (okay that's not the word but more just relaxed and helped maybe with toxic masculinity etc - he didn't drink with straws until he was into his 30s etc). Which is why Danneel and Misha get on so well cause they're quite alike. 2/2

I get what you mean and as much as I believe Danneel brought him out of his shell, I don't think Jensen was ever in any shell, it was a perfectly curated image for his career. There is nothing wrong with that, we all have images to uphold when it comes to our jobs and public lives vis-à-vis our privates lives.

You may be wondering why I'm saying it was crafted image and not a shell. Remember Jensen when he came to Hollywood, a young 18-year-old fair-haired charming boy. He seemed so free and happy being with his best friend (read as bf imo) Ty.

Here are a few posts about Jensen and Ty, including photos and interviews.

Then, he joined Days of Our Lives and he had other "relationships" with men that were pretty sus and rumours started circulating that he was gay.

Even his friend Ty tweeted something rather weird

Maybe it has nothing to do with Jensen but...There’s a lot to unpack about his and Ty’s relationship. It’s mind boggling.

You also mentioned him drinking with straws until he was in his 30s. He said his dad told him that real men don’t drink through straws. That’s an odd thing for a father to say to their child. Was he worried that Jensen wasn’t “manly”? Like what would prompt a parent to say that to their child? I don’t want to assume anything but that statement gave me John Winchester vibes. The fact that also Jensen had to call his dad after every episode of spn aired to get his feedback is just nerve wrecking, I can’t even imagine what it was like for him. Maybe that’s why he left home as soon as he turned 18. He was supposed to go to college with Ty but he moved to Hollywood instead and Ty took a gap year to join him there and they became “roommates”. As I said, there’s a Lot to unpack from his past life. 

In Hollywood you need to have a certain public image to get certain jobs. Do you think if he were perceived as gay he would be cast as Dean? Of course not. So, I think he was always and still is that carefree guy he was back then but as you said Dee who is a rebel helped him shed his layers but he still had some left. And then Misha came along and it was like his whole world was turned upside down. He has said that Misha and Dee are twisted and very similar so I can't even imagine the chaos that is Misha, Dee and Vicki. Once Dee,  Misha and  Vicki came into his life, hewas now with people who lived their lives on their own terms, unapologetically. And it may have taken a while but he shed all of the shells he had. 

That's why the Jensen we saw on the gag reels was not the same Jensen we used to see on panels. He was always freer in panels where Misha was present be it a cockles panel or a J2M panel. He even started being overly affectionate by giving Misha behind the ear kisses on the red carpet, spanking him, caressing his face during public interviews etc.

I mean as the years went by he shed more of his shell to the point where he wasn't afraid of what people thought anymore and as much as some people may say straddlegate is not public, it is in the public domain, YouTube is in the public domain. It just takes a few keyboard strokes "Jensen 2019 cons" and jib10 will show up among other things.

He also went ahead to post that jib10 selfie on his IG. Which tbh is gay AF. I have never seen men stand dick to dick, nip to nip and abs to abs like that before unless they were on top of each other or against each other doing grown-up things.

So I think if he met Misha back then, it wouldn’t have ended well for them. Jensen was too focused on his career and how he is perceived while Misha used acting as a means to an end to reach more people for socio-political change. A goal he has achieved. Acting was never his endgame. So, I think that as much as they would have fallen madly in love when they were younger, it would’ve ended badly and we probably wouldn’t have gotten Misha playing Cas or destiel or cockles. In retrospect, maybe it could’ve still happened because by the time Misha joined the show, Jensen was starting to be his real self again thanks to Dee.

I'm rambling now. I hope this makes sense because I'm never sure if I make any sense.