#and theres been others that just make me feel so fufilled in a way i havent in a while

[reading-writing-dying]

Getting emotional about the fact that I'm writing again and people are actually enjoying my writing

[dislyteshack]

i need to gush about li xiao stuff or else

i love the like divergence you know?

when you first look at him you feel power from him from not only the pose but the attire and all. it all looks etheral

li xiao gives off an appearence of being untouchable but really hes hanging on by a thread.

you would think he has everything together, with how he holds himself. he fits in perfectly as someone else born into the highlife of tangton. the aspects feel practiced because since hes only adopted into the upperclass. of course he has to mimic the air of old money

OH YEAH its really cool how its practical too since based on limited info + tu he seems to be pretty hands on with his job and likely needs to move around alot so it makes sense for it to not only be fancy looking but also good for a fight. the sword also makes it clear he is willing and ready to fight which also ties into backstory stuff that would bleed into him

and! the sword based on someone i know who went clicking it looks like an anti cavalry sword used in the past by the chinese

i said it in a previous post but its actually this

its a changdao for anyone who didnt click

theres implications of him using it to go after bigger targets like maybe...

miramon

or espers.

plays into himnot being on top no matter what, politically or literally.

always the middle man , never anything more. only anything less. his outfit being not too extravagant like say councilor li in the new event shows this too. there's no billowing cape, no random cane , just his sword at his waist if he needs it. while li xiao is valued , hes just not ever valued more than others who have more inate power given to them

i love how hes in all white to symbolise purity of sorts. because thats how he attempts to come off as.

then theres the extra colours that act as a contrast to compliment the rest of his colourscheme otherwise the white is overwhelming.

the strips of black mar him+ the black in the shoes , it represents sins he cant be washed clean of because of what he undoubtedly commited and hes aware of that.

in certain symbolism black represents solemnity + its used as a representation of yin

whats extra cool is yun chuan wearing mostly black with stripes of white and li xiao in mostly white with strips of black. the yin yang symbolism there with the paths they ended going down is an inversion of their designs.

another thing is that using black in a certain way like copywrriting could conotate things like corruption and greed, things li xiao definately ended up bending to in a way

i also really like the red that could either be seen as xiao simply matching with the rest of the radiant guard or as a represenation of the blood on his hands indirectly from the false alarm or more directly with him allowing the experiments to take place. facliating their continuation

red in symbolism can actually be one of destruction or good fortune. honestly it fits with li xiao's life technically having good fortune since his talent was noticed by the li clan while also showing the self destruction that did him in

then theres my fav part which are his eyes which are either scarlet or reddish orange im not too sure but either way.

AIGHT also the bits of green in his belt might be a decoration but! just to put this down

green also has conatations with purity

intresting how alot of what goes into xiao's design attempts to potray purity + his actions (trying to atone/ fufil chuan's promise by unironically trying to change tangton for the better) but in the end that illusion is shattered in truth unveiled.

Ngl I think it's the themes of attempted purity in li xiao that endears me to him alot because I feel chronic guilt in a way it's very therapeutic to talk about him

Because I like unpacking what an extreme he is and his actions.

There's a very clear tragedy there in that he could have just been a plain good person albeit forgettable

The hook of the story of truth unveiled to me personally is while also highlighting the justice system and different ways of dealing with it there's also that other side where even if you wanted to gain powers to cut it at the nip you just can't if you aren't born into it

Maybe I'm just a bleeding heart for clinging to the tragedy of it all instead of moving on as the games themes encourage but it's always nagging at me

[sojrner-fishsticcc]

heyo. heres another lil autism dump. so uh yknow if you have a few minute to indulge me in my mental illinois thatd be cool.

spring breaks here so ive been getting into some weird stuff and i got back into elite dangerous recently bcos ive been looking for a peaceful little timekiller and oh my god you would not believe how cool it is. i always forget just how beautiful this game is.

for those of you who dont know (honestly i just want to describe it a bit) elite dangerous is like a sci-fi-ey futuristic spaceflight simulator with FTL travel thats also an MMO but actually uses the genre well. as in it has a recreation of the milky way for the map, and for those of you who dont know the milky way is. uh.

Big.

like really big. as in only 0.059% of it has been explored in-game. so like, perfect setting for an mmo! cos the map is so big that like. you can go on and on and never run into another person, and theres still handfuls of npcs to fufill other roles. elite is so cool because despite being an mmo it feels really... chill. like if i want i can get super into the flight sim mechanics (which are SUPER in-depth!!!) which scritches the best parts of my brain, but if i just feel like killing an hour i can turn on the autopilots and let the ship do most of the work while i watch the pretty views.

and the views are REALLY PRETTY. like. this game is stunning to look at. you can go to any solar system in the galaxy (yeah!!!! literally the galaxy!!!! thats the scale were talking about here!!!!) and just... look at it. its so pretty. it has all these unique and accurate planets. and you can land on them, and fly around them. its so pretty. its so cool how in like 10 minutes you can go from densely populated bustling systems with millions of people to ones that no one has ever seen. like. ever. completely untouched. a big part of the game is exploration. because if you get your stuff together you can theoretically go on forever. its so cool how the stars arent a skybox like they actually move. like you can leave the galactic plane and look down at the stars. if you have a few weeks to kill to make the trek. i cannot get over the scale of this game.

and the piloting is so much fun too. theres all these little factions and missions to do but theyre never too stressful and you get plenty of room to do them. you do have to look stuff up cos it does get confusing sometimes, but god its so worth it. its just so cool. look at me! im a little space pirate hunting bounties! its so cool!!! the dogfighting combat is so cool too. god. sorry this is a little disorganized but GOD elite dangerous is so cool. if youre also like hugely autistic for space n flight simulators and have a good pc check it out. and if you play elite dangerous maybe. uh. message me? idk it be cool to meet up with another person i met on the internet. elite is so cool.

alright goodnight <3

[melonmelts]

meow meow meow

I need to rant about things that have been on my mind and it's silly to do it on tumblr but I want to keep track somewhere, and rn I feel like tumblr is the way to go! although I feel so much more content with life, like I haven't felt this hopeful in years! all my evil thoughts keep hanging around, and sometimes they all come flooding in at once. so I just need to write it out and that way I can see everything more clearly.

I fear no matter how happy I am and no matter who I surround myself with, I will always stick to the same way of thinking. I'm afraid and lonely, but also longing for love and validation. I try to feel content on my own, and convince myself I'll be safe and happy on my own, but it's not enough. theres a difference between feeling alone vs being lonely, and it feels like I'll never have a choice. I'm too tired. I'm tired of sudden changes, and feeling so out of control. I'm tired of feeling like thing's are getting better, only to get hit with some random major life change or experience fucking plot twist out of nowhere and or all my emotions coming back to surface. goshhhh my brain, my fucking brain.

I will always overthink and overanalyse everything; too aware of how other's perceive me but unaware of how I perceive myself, and who I am, how I feel about myself. I will always feel jealousy bubbling up slowly eating away at me - I feel envious of everyone, even my closest friends, about the smallest things.

I will inevitably resort to distancing myself, hiding from everyone, and avoiding everything. I can't afford to hurt anyone anymore, it genuinely tears me apart knowing that the closer people get to me, the worse they'll feel around me or about me. I will always feel the need to distance myself from other's before they get the chance to leave me, it's happened all throughout my life, I can't trust myself to be able to fufill someone's needs, to make them feel happy and comfortable around me. I make everyone worry and feel paranoid and by distancing myself it feels like I'm doing it on purpose. no matter how much love I receive, I feel like it eventually fades away because I'm too scared of being vulnerable, too close to people. everything ends up kicking in and I become so extremely self aware and open my eyes to everything I so bpindly missed. I always think - how oblivious can I fucking be. it makes me never want to speak to anyone ever again. I feel so out of touch, so selfish and unaware, yet too aware at the same time?

no one's perfecf and it's okay to make mistakes, but I feel like when I do, it makes too much of an impact, and god do I feel like such a horrible person.

I will always be sensitive to the smallest things. any criticism, even if it's constructive, it makes me feel like an absolute failure and want to drop everything and give up.

I feel the most stable I've been compared to the past few years, but I'll always be atleast a bit unstable and unpredictable. I fucking hate being perceived I hate it I hate it. I always fear I'll hurt everyone because the more comfortable I am with someone the less I think before I speak, and the more likely I am to hurt people.

so I drift away from everyone, I can't reply, I subconsciously stop myself from becoming too close to people, but sometimes I cant help it.

it's jusy a contant battle between myself and my brain but its getting better

things are getting better I have gone through so much already and I'm still here and I'm still going even if its just a little bit at a time.

gosh i cant be bothered to reread i am going to regret this but whageverr

[asa-kai]

Ref. to Chapter 177

Faint chirps of sparrows blending with the soft blow of air from the sea. All of that is crystal clear for Saionji Ukyo the former Sonar man from the Kingdom of Science.

It was almost like yesterday, when they were still sailing on the big blue beneath the widespread  sky along with seagulls and now they are making their way to their next destination-South America.

After a long day of riding their motorbikes the crew made a stop to eat and rest. Thanks to Senku's customized motorbikes they can quickly outrun Stanley and his team.

Although they made it that far, the fact they're being pursued can't settle in Ukyo's mind.

Looking around finding a high place to spend the night he found a huge boulder high enough for anyone to bother climbing but just the right one for him to reach the top.

This little climbing is nothing compared to his past special forces training, he proudly recall. It would be nice though if he can find a tree on the dessert just like that back on the days when he's still working for the Tsukasa's Empire. Where he will watch Tsukasa break human statues in front of him....

Shaking off the bad memories, he perched on the top absorbing the nostalgia  of the night.

"Finally a relaxing silence" he thought to himself.

Or he thought so......

The minimal noises from the campfire can't escape his sensitive ears. The laughter and the conversations are still loud enough for him to be heard.

"It can't be helped, if only I can shut them like my eyes." Ukyo pouted gazing above the night sky again.

He kept wondering if they could defeat Stanley or reach their destination safely or if they could even survive anything that could happen tonight.

He was so disturbed of the thought of what he's going to do if Senku can't fufill his promise that nobody dies. Calming his nerves and clearing his thoughts he starts to close his tired eyes.

Just then he heard footsteps below coming toward the boulder his perching on and base on the weight,speed and pattern of the footsteps it matches someone from the battle team.

"Kohaku?" Ukyo mumbled without realizing saying it out loud.

The huntress' vigilant eyes suddenly looked up to the perching archer.

"What are you doing up there?"

Before the young man can say a word he was surprised to see Kohaku sitting next to him enough for sending him to jolt.

She's really fast. The boulder must be really just a pebble to her

Despite the archer's obvious reaction the huntress seems to be deep into thoughts. She tilt her head up to sky and smile wistfully. Forgetting what just happened the man beside decided to join his new company's little stargazing.

The breeze is faint yet cool, chilling their skin but making one smile lightly.

Kohaku turned her head into the campfire's direction and stared back to the sky. Noticing that she's been doing it five times from now,Ukyo getting concerned finally asked the restless lady.

"Um...You've been looking back five times already...what seems to be the matter?"

" Oh sorry....did I bothered you?"Kohaku replied flustered.

" No not at all but I just get a little concrened." He sheepishly smiled.

The crescent moon dimly radiates light on landscape around them. Its almost vague but Ukyo can absolutely tell that Kohaku just smiled again. A meaningful yet gloom smile at that, as she turn around again back to the usual place under her observation.

"So...are you looking at Senku?" Ukyo forcedly scoffed.

Kohaku darted her eyes at the resident archer with a fearful look. However the pink blush on her face gave away the answer.

"Ukyo don't tell me...."

Her voice alone is already eerie when shes talking like that, no wonder they call her beastly names. But right now Ukyo fears that she'll blow, he can't break his good impression he left on Kohaku.

No one would want to ruin her trust

....."you can hear other people's thoughts?!"

Ukyo let out a loud laugh that Kohaku have never heard coming from him. Since he is usually silent the huntress was left jaw dropped.

"Sorry, I just thought it was absurd but its obvious that your looking at our crafty scientist."

Looking at Kohaku's blank face he continued.

"Observance is everything Kohaku you know that right? First of all Hyoga and Tsukasa is present on the campfire so you will have no reason to be worry of a sudden attack. Second you just finished putting Suika to sleep so you came up here to unwind, clearly enough to conclude that your confident that the crew is safe"

" But Ukyo how did you know I was looking at Senku?" Kohaku questioned poking her chin.

Ukyo took off his hat and start tossing it and then he answered.

" Well you know....I spend my free time observing both nature and people and through all that there's not a time I will not hear a talk about you two especially from Ginro..."

" Ginro....that scum..."

" Its not his fault though since his trying his best to lower his voice, I just happen to still hear it anyway." He concluded wearing his makeshift hat again.

"Oh having such great ears an advantage yes?" Kohaku sarcastically grinned.

" Its not that great"  Ukyo defended, besides you two usually hang out together-just the two of you." Realizing he had said to much Ukyo turn to Kohaku to see her reaction.

" Oh so your a stalker now huh?" Kohaku even grinned wider and there is literally like a black smoke surrounding her right now.

Ukyo gulped down with two beads of sweat on his face, but what he expects on what the huntress is going to do is turned down though.

Kohaku hug her knees and hide her face.

"Who am I to be offended by you...Im the same too. I will sometimes shortly glance at Senku when he's not aware and I don't know why. I constantly worry about him as an ally and friend but I think its getting out of hand and  becoming a habit."

Although Kohaku is not showing a bit of faze on her tone but he can tell that she's worried and troubled for some reason.

"At least you can just close your eyes and never look again." Ukyo pointed out.

" That's the problem I can't turn away my eyes on him nor I can shut them. Not when there's another girl beside him" Kohaku's voice cracked at the last words she said.

Ukyo just came to a realization how wonderous yet coincedental life  can be sometime

Moments ago  he's worrying about the well-being of his friends who are safe sound but his companion is worrying about her problem on worrying too much  about Senku than the given normal.

Him worrying about the things that are still not happening.

Her worrying about a small thing but tormenting her right now

However he can relate on Kohaku's envy on her advantageous sense of sight.

"Our so called gifts can be such a nuisance huh? But maybe you can still use their trouble you know?"

Kohaku is now a friend and an ally to him and he will gladly help her if she need it.

It is the first time he'll personally offer help to the mighty huntress. Given Kohaku's physique its almost though she will need no help but ironically right now  she's carrying which sometging which is to say in the old world a common problem but even she the mighty Kohaku can't handle it on her own. Theres no human who haven't experienced jealousy not even once.

Kohaku hanging on what he just said paid her attention closely to the archer as if like  desperate child looking for answers.

Ukyo can't even conclude if she's solely worrying about Senku's well-being or if its something more than that and it looks like Kohaku is doubting herself as well.

Ukyo took a deep breath hoping what he's going to say will help.

"Like I said Kohaku, observation is everything."

The huntress gets even more attentive at this point. Confirming the words in his head Ukyo continues.

"The truth is I'm also envious of my sensitive hearing, sometimes I will hear things Im not suppose to hear but you know what really helps? Ukyo paused giving a warm smile.

Yes what Kohaku needs right now is emphathy  even though his knowledge in psychology is inferior that of Gen but it is one of the common and genuine way to help out anyone.

..."I just let it."

Kohaku slightly flinch and her eyes widened.

"Forcing yourself to hold it in even when your about to throw up just makes matters worse right?  I should know, my first day at the submarine makes me really sick that I want to pull my gut out."

Yes your'e not alone

...

...

" Uh sorry about the gruesome illustration."

"No its only normal." Kohaku brushed off.

That's Senku's lioness for you

"I knew Im not the only one... But what I fear if I get attach to him and letting go will be more difficult." Kohaku lamented.

The issue is now clear. She's just blaming it all to her eyes but the real deal is her feelings.

She's growing alright and it is unavoidable for anyone to feel that way.

Like Ukyo can see Senku and Kohaku had been literally went through blades and stones and their mutual trust makes them good friends but somehow its likly that one might start to look at the other differently.

The pair were silent for a while. Letting the evening aura take over making light sounds of air passing through stones.

Ukyo rest his head against his arms for a second trying to get answers for Kohaku's problem.

Though.....

Is he even fit for solving her problem,maybe it would be better if Gen will tell her....no does he even need to solve it?

"Sorry if I bother you Ukyo, I  get too emotional sometimes." Kohaku stand up and started to brush off the dirt from her navy blue dress and just as she's about to wave goodnight, she sensed a sudden spark beside her. Right there, Ukyo made a little  fire from using his bows and with a dozen of small sticks he gathered.

"The answer depends on your resolve Kohaku...you can either choose to look at him forever or shut your eyes, whatever works best for you all I can do is give you my advice. I don't have the authority to tell you what to do...... But right now why don't you let your senses take you somewhere else. It's getting cold you know." Ukyo hummed while putting more ignition on the fire.

Kohaku was drawn to the relaxing warmth of the newly made campfire a little smaller than that with the rest of the crew. Without knowing it she's starting to forget on what she's chafing about, a moment ago.

Unexpectedly an east wind blew caugthing the duo off-guard letting Kohaku's hair went loose and almost taking Ukyo's hat away. Without warning a stronger wind came and blew their makeshift campfire away, getting dark again so suddenly made Kohaku laugh akin to Ukyo who's groaning over the blown campfire.

"Well, some things don't always look and stay as they seem, one minute ago we have the fire I thought will hold yet now its already gone."Ukyo chuckled though  attempting to make the fire again.

"That makes sense....everything change eventually, up to the point where a problem is no more." Kohaku softly stated coming up to her realization.

Ukyo smiled he was  relieved that Kohaku finally get what he means.

"Well Im glad the lesson Im implying  reached you."The archer exclaimed.

" Life goes on Kohaku"

Kohaku nod and smile in agreement.

"Yeah...I also learned you should never build a small fire on a high windy place". She jokingly concluded.

"Come  on I know that....."Ukyo sheepishly laughed.

The night even grew darker but the stars and the moon appears to grew  even brighter. The pair enjoyed the diamond ornamented void as the evening hyms envelops around them.

"Listen Kohaku" Ukyo whispered.

"This might be just one of my ideals but I always believe that life has many angles that each one can see and discover that's why I don't like anyone to die  because they won't be able to enjoy it if they're dead... So Im convincing you to look at the other angles too Kohaku."

The huntress eyes were opened a hint of sparkles will be found in her eyes and a warm smile on her face being moved of what just her trustworthy comrade said. Although it's still not clear in her mind what he is saying. But whatever it is she will someday understand just like what he said life goes on.

" I'll gladly take the advice,I will surely enjoy, look forward to it."

-end

Obviously this is my first fanfic... Just to be frank I got tired reading the romance genre so I made something platonic and between- friends -kind -of- a -thing fanfic between low-key duo in dr. Stone. (Yes you just read it)

Speaking of low-key I'm also making fanfic for other underrated dcst (so called canon couples)

[whirlybirdwhat]

Oh I wonder how Katsuki would react to them! If it was an op au he would probably have Zoro's role (wants to be the best and doesn't care about what people think) but I don't know if he would like Zoro if he met him (and I really don't know what he would think of Luffy)

OKAY SO REALLY TINY ANSWER TO YOUR ACTUAL ASK AND THEN UNDER MY CUT MY FEELINGS ABOUT THAT KASUKI AND ZORO OPINION BECAUSE BOY. DID I FIND OUT I HAD EMOTIONS!

So! Kastuki be enraged. here are people who give no fucks about heroes, if bakugo’s better than him, have a drive he can’t match and the ability to cause bigger explosions than he could ever hope (Three Thousand worlds, red hawk, fire bird star... i can go on.) They aren’t bound by science like he is. And they don’t care about heroes, or the government, things that validate Bakugo.

So he’d be enraged. and then maybe ave a lil bit of respect? Because they are, sorry, stronger than bakugo in an objective sense and would wipe the floor with him. Especially since Bakugo wouldn’t have haki. And More, they wouldn’t care about what bakugo thought of them and would just do their thing. I think bakugo would want to be them. And He’d be 100% baffled by luffy who would just think his explosions were cool then show him his red hawk attack lmao.

NOW. Onto my very strong opinions underneath the cut. 

gonna be honest i havent watch bnha since i watched one piece, so its been awhile, but i also feel that Bakugo and Zoro are just. very different characters. especially due to the extremely different themes both medias have. Zoro has a goal, an unbeatable, impossible goal that he will sacrifice anything but his friends to get - and in the beginning, when we first meet luffy, he would have sacrificed him if he got in his way. Zoro, however, supports others - he believes, no, knows that luffy will be the next pirate king. He’s the first mate and steps up when the captain can’t (water 7) and knows what need to be done and what he won’t sacrifice (which quite frankly is only his crew mr “chopping my legs off to win a battle is a good idea” fucking dumbass ily). 

Bakugo, to my understanding as i stopped watching when Bakugo got captured, is literally. Not that. He has a goal yes, but its a goal shared by several other characters - deku, and i believe todoroki wants to be the number one, etc - and we also don’t know why beyond he wants to be the best. Its a baseless goal, as of right now, one that can only be given meaning through fan speculation. Which is in comparison to Zoro, whose goal to be the best is through a promise to a dead sister-figure and for his need not to be weak and to be strong enough for his captain - his crew - not himself, like Bakugo presumably. Additionally, Bakugo has literally stepped on others in a malicious way to get to the top, and while Zoro has done so, it is simply because he doesn’t care; he’s better than them in skill, and in the one piece world its a dog eat dog world. Zoro is staying true to the values he as a swordsman has. Bakugo wants to be a hero. Bakugo has less compassion for citizens than Zoro has, a world class criminal. Who has destroyed several towns and taken down several kings, tyrants, and government officials. 

Too my last point, Bakugo... isn’t really a leader. Zoro isn’t either but Zoro steps up and people listen. Bakugo steps up and yells, and people listen. Its different. 

And Bakugo does cares about what people think - he wouldn’t yell, proclaim he’s the best, be as competitive as he is, bully children, or anything if didn’t. He wouldn’t want to be the best with seemingly no motivation if he didn’t care what people thought.

Zoro has quite literally said that it doesn’t matter if he’s a pirate or a marine, or what people think of him - as long as his name rings across the land as the best swordsman, fufilling his promise to Kuina, he has achieved his dream.  (Chapter 5 -6 I believe.) 

This difference is of course to the themes of both manga. To my Understanding, BNHA is all about being a hero - what does it take to become a hero, what makes a hero, do not give up without trying, help others before yourself, theres a solution to every problem, etc. I looked most of these up because the only one I could think up off the top of my head is what makes a hero/ is it ability or your actions because how bnha handled it esp with its opening line pissed me off but!! thats a story for another time! 

One Piece’s themes disregard heroes. One piece’s themes are first and foremost - dreams, the romantic view of the world,  sticking to your ideals, being selfish, and freedom. I could go on for hours about it. In fact, I have. 

The One Piece world is a lawless place. the government is corrupt, slavery exists, and its heroes are either pirates who saved you only because you were their friend (strawhats, despite not wanting to be called heroes) or marine heroes who are chained to the concept of a ruthless justice and have to let family members die for it (garp). Everything is weird, but only one character in the entire history of one piece has been alienated for being weird - Katakuri, for his mouth, which is fucking absurd considering his brother literally has an oven on his head and his mother is a soul sucking cannibal who wears a polka dot dress.  In one piece your ‘quirks’ aren’t celebrated - its just normal. Fun even. Especially on. the Grand Line where the rule is anything can happen, from rubber boys fighting God or islands made out of food.

The world of BNHA is the exact opposite. While they have “quirks” which can be anything, its not something anybody can obtain, unlike one piece, where only Conquerors Haki is an unobtainable skill unless you are born with it. BNHA is a world buried deep in laws, heroes, and villains - black and white for the most part to my understanding. It is a world where if you are villain, you are pretty much expected to be evil or out for blood, and if you are a hero, you are generally expected to help people, even if you might be doing it for money or fame. Unlike one piece where each and every character has a dfiferent moral compass. BNHA is also a realistic world in terms of quirks - you won’t be finding islands of candy or the like, and it is pretty much contained in one setting, which shifts characters characterizations a lot. 

How does this affect Bakugo and Zoro?

Well. In a world where dreams and selfishness are valued, you would think Bakugo would flourish. I think he would falter, because of what you pointed out - his willingness to be the best. In BNHA, theres a structure for how you become the best, through school and a career, an official ranking. There’s nothing like that in One Piece, as bounties have been shown to be absolutely fucking worthless, and literally all the top bounties are just puns. fucking puns. I love it. 

If Bakugo went around as he does in BNHA, in one piece, a world where he doesn’t have people protecting him from his actions or not hurting him because he’s a kid, bakugo would honestly probably die. Bakugo’s drive to be the  best and his normality as typically being the best in BNHA would not translate over well.

In One Piece rookies get knocked the fuck out unless you have plot armor which honestly doesn’t always protect you. See the Baratie. Saboady. Fucking Marine Ford. Wano. Big Mom. Fucking FOXY. You can surrvive by staying lucky - Buggy, but it isn’t often.

What would Bakugo even be the best of? The Marines where he has to listen to the Five Elders? He’d be a less hateful Akainu (because no one can be as bad as Akainu) 

In a world without structure, Bakugo would fucking die. 

In comparison, in a BNHA au, Zoro has drive and would probably just be like an accidental villain like I have in my au. 

In the End, Zoro is a pirate, and Bakugo is a hero in training. Bakugo relies on organizations to help him reach the top while Zoro actively destroys them. Bakugo wants to lead but can’t (as of right now) and Zoro can lead but loves his captain, so won’t. Zoro’s goals are seated in concrete ideals, concrete promises that he has to keep. Idek why Bakugo wants to be a hero beyond being the best. 

BNHA could not work in a one piece right down to the fucking morals. Pirates Vs Heroes. The pirates could maybe be the heroes, but could the heroes ever set out to purposefully take down others, obtain land, and be free from responsibility?

Thats just a portion of my thoughts on it. BNHA characters are just... so incompatible with any world that isn’t theirs because their lives revolve around fitting the algorithm of UA and the Hero Career. OP, in its focus on selfishness and disregarding the rules of any place and bringing chaos anywhere, can pretty much go anywhere without being odd because even in their own world they ruin every thing.

Okay. Im done now. Sorry anon you opened a can of worms i didn’t think i  had thoughts on!! guess i do!!

[desolationlovers]

oh yall thought i was done x posting? lol. kamui character rant under the cut

the thing about kamui is i dont know that hes a very deep character??atleast not how clamp has written him and esp not in the manga.

he spends a lot of the manga being confused and often manipulated. and hes really just a kid.

his first big character arc is debastardization basically. when hes introduced hes a TOTAL asshole (the anime added scenes to make him more of a dick at the start but also has a bit of an explaination? ill get to it). hes shown as very rude to everyone around him, yelling at people to get out of his way or get lost, including his previous friends. hes also shown to have absolutely no care for his surrondings and regularly fights and uses his powers in places where bystanders could be injured and leaving roads bridges or nearby buildings in ruins. when confronted about the latter by hinotos knight (his name is saiki) he straight up says he doesnt care if anyone gets hurt. which i mean ok nothing wrong with a character being an asshole. the extreme in your face way kotori and fuuma describe kamui as a kid being very shy and Very quiet and gentle makes this characterization confusing but hey people can change i guess. the confusing part is that as kamui slowly beings to let his guard down he says that the big reason he was so standoffish especially wrt kotori and fuuma was because he wanted to keep them at a distance so they wouldnt get involved with all the end of the world stuff. which makes sense obviously! kamui was absolutely aware of how dangerous it might get. his entire plan was to get the shinken (the sacred sword) and bail because he didnt want any part of any of it. what i dont get is why he was totally cool with bystanders being injured or killed. during his fight with saiki they were in a neighborhood! on people roofs and shit!! saiki is the one to lead them to an abandoned construction site so no one gets caught in the crossfire. and kamui almost kills saiki!!! which i will let slide a bit because kamui was being followed and had been attacked by spells literally that morning. but later on he apologizes to saiki but never explained his reasoning why he didnt care about destroying peoples houses??? and its never brought up again?????? also theres a scene added to the anime where he kicks the shit out of kotori and fuumas dad??? because he wouldnt give kamui the sword?? bro thats ur best friends dad you jackass!!!!!

in the anime they added flashbacks for the time after he moved away from tokyo which i think make his whole character make much more sense. when he first moves and goes to a new school he accidentally uses his powers and makes everyone afraid of him. fast forward past elementary school to high? school? its unclear. at school hes a lazy slacker that never goes to class and never talks to anyone, big ol loner. he sees that a local gang has been stealing kids money and beating them up. so he decides to put on a tough guy persona and confront the gang telling them to knock it off and scaring them shitless with some fun ass kicking psychokenesis. now i am SO on board with this addition. kamui being ostrisized for being weird and scary when hes already a super shy kid, so he embraces this scary intimidating image and tries using it for good because hes still ultimately kind hearted. he gets too absorbed in this tough guy persona that he loses touch with the original purpose of it and just uses it as a shield because he himself is afraid and confused. and maybe even hiding behind it because hes so afraid of having this huge destiny that he doesnt know if he can live up to and how can someone who decides the fate of the world be just some quiet oversensitive guy.

except all of that is my own speculation and analysis because they really do not go into ANY detail about this. i wouldnt say its to the point where it feels like they just flipped a switch and hes nice now but it def feels like that. and it annoys me because after he kind of apologizes for being a dick it doesnt really get brought up again?? i think he broods over it once or twice. but i would have really liked to see flashes of it coming back in high stress situations or something? he has a lot of points of grief and depression but its always meloncholic rather than angry and it really makes him feel like two different characters i wish it was way more of a mix.

anger would also be good with the whole overarching theme of trying to break out of the path destined for you. its constantly said that theres only one future by the dreamgazers although hinoto wants to change it. its supposed destined that kamui will lose and earth will be destroyed. anger but more importantly PASSION is whats needed break out of what has been preordained and to carve your own path. passion is also whats needed for the main part of the second half of kamuis character arc, figuring out what it is he REALLY wants. what his true wish is.

i also think anger could have been a good inverse to the deliberate mirroring of kamuis character and subarus character. subaru really represents despair and being completely swallowed by grief. his story is that the man he fell in love with (named seishiro) was just manipulating him for fun and is actually an emotionless assassian. subaru is so destroyed by this realization he goes into a depression and because of this is unable to save his sister being killed by seishiro. his goal is literally to be enough of a nusance to seishiro that hell kill him. literally he wants to be acknowledged as important enough to bother killing. its pointed out often how subaru and kamui are so similar, with how fuuma killed kotori, and how theyre both kindhearted ro a fault. its an intentional reflection. subaru even pulls kamui out of a similar depressive state after kotori dies. he and kamui have a whole heart to heart about how some peoples happiness can look pitiful to others and how hes going to fufill his goals even when other people are worried for him. and most importantly about how not everyone can be happy with an outcome. i think it would have been really good for subaru to represent someone overcome with depression about how awful the world is and paralyzed with that sadness and kamui would be the rightous anger and compassion needed to actually change the world. “lets this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair” you know? it would have been a really good parallel considering part of x’s themes are literally about having compassion for humanity. but that reading possibly shoots itself in the foot because the language used wrt the two possible futures are things to stay as they are or for a “revolution” to occur, meaning killing everyone to let the earth heal. so ideas of change are insinuated to be connected with the seven angels and genocide. which uh. not going to get into that.

i do like when he starts going to the clamp school he goes back to being shy and quiet and kind of gets pushed around by people with more force of personality. very fun uncomfortably relatable. its ok man im extremely passive too.

anyway final thoughts kamui needs more passion. clamp give me the rights. also let subaru and kamui hang out and have a brotherly bond. no creepy shit. just subaru being an akward older brother that knows what kamuis going thru and gives bad advice bc he has god awful coping mechanisms.

side note we arent ever told about his likes/dislikes hobby or anything of that nature. the blankest of slates. so my city now. i think hes into obscure indie music and has thousands of hours in various life sim games like animal crossing and stardew valley.

[littlemix-styleblog]

Requested Little Mix Inspired For  Ludovico Einaudi concert 

Jesy

PrettyLittleThing BLACK OVERSIZED SWEATER DRESS: £18. So out of all of the girls who go to concerts often everyday, every year Jesy is...No where to be seen. We don`t even know if she has been to one before which makes this job a little harder. But that doesn`t mean we can`t fufill your request and come up with a banging outfit. Thankfully this wasn`t too hard for us and we managed to scramble this ensemble together. So let`s start with the main piece of the outfit being this oversized black sweater dress from PrettyLittleThing. In case you have been living under a rock you would see and know that Jesy likes to wear oversized clothes. Now wearing oversized clothes shouldn`t be a nightmare to you, it`s a great alternative to a jacket or a coat. Shirt dresses have become popular over the last few years, You can dress them how you want, So you can dress it without support aka a belt, You can dress it with support either up or down or you could wear it for lounging around. We personally like it when it has support as when it`s just left hanging loose it could look like a tent on you and you would have no structure or stability. So if you`re looking for a good time with your friends this is your guy. What`s more is that it comes in a variety of colours.

I Saw It First Yellow D Ring Slogan Tape Belt: £4. So as I mentioned above a felt would help support the shirt dress and make it look more cute and stable. In case you have been sleeping your whole life you would know that the famous Off White yellow and black belt has become a worldwide hit recently with celebs and god knows who else wearing them. Even though the belt costs more then our lives, there is plenty of cheaper alternatives on the market and so we have found one right here from I Saw It First.

Buffalo Classic hi top chunky sole trainers in black: £166. Let`s make no mistake about it Jesy loves her Buffalo shoes, She has been seen wearing them a lot lately and I don`t think theres no stopping the girl wearing them. Even though they arent to everyone taste shoes like these have become a huge trend recently..The chunky, wide trainers have become a staple in many girls closets as we revist the 90s. However, if the price isnt to your taste then you could settle for a pair like these

PrettyLittleThing BLACK FLAT TOP BAKER BOY HAT: £10. If you wanted to accessorise the outfit or make it a bit more classic then why not add a baker boy hat. I would like to note these hats arent just for winter but they can be worn for summer too..So get some good use out of it. Do remember you can always take it off and you can still pull off a cute hairstyle underneath.

Topshop Black Striped Tube Socks: £3.50. For the oddest reason socks have also become a big trend again recently...Gone the days of having no socks or hiding your very own socks with your dogs face on them. Don`t be scared to get your socks out and have a little fun. If you`re like me and don`t like having bare feet in socks then socks are the way to go, They are also a great piece to accessorise your outfit with. I think we`re going for a sporty vibe with Jesy`s outfit here..Which we didn`t plan at all. If you didn`t like them then we have another alternative here 

PrettyLittleThing GOLD DRAGON PENDANT NECKLACE: £6. Probably wondering about this, But let me explain. So if you have been following Jesy`s fashion recently and watching EatingWithLittleMix you would know Jesy often wears necklaces and sometimes she wears a statement necklace. Now recently in episode 2 of Eating With Little Mix she was wearing this...Egyptian queen gold statement necklace, She likes bold, edgy necklaces. So we went on a mission to find a bold and edgy necklace and we ended up with a scorpion which we think could do just as well.

Perrie

MissGuided white seat belt buckle blazer mini dress: £40. Isnt this dress a beauty? Inspiration taken from a photo shoot when Perrie wore a purple asymmetric tux just like this one. These dresses have become so popular recently and do you know why? Yes it`s the seat belt and before you start no I do not know why seat belts have become so popular recently..You can find them on belts, dresses, skirts, tops, bags everywhere. I mean for a cheaper alternative you can always rip your dads seat belt out of his car and glue it onto your top, But I`m sure he won`t be very pleased with that. So it looks as though the seat belt trend won`t be going for a long time as I can well see this continuing into the festival season. Aside from the seat belt the dress altogether is a beauty, it`s asymmetric so it makes your legs look thinner. It`s in the style of a blazer or tux if you will giving it structure and stability. I wouldn`t mind snapping this one up for myself. 

MissGuided black pointed toe lace up barely there heels: £28. We couldn`t decide what shoes went with this dress so we went with them all so bare with me as we go along here. Heels, If you wanted to go for the classic, feminem look then heels are your answer..I chose lace up heels because I personally don`t like the look of bare feet or ankles, Lacing going up your leg gives it definition. You can also team these with black over the knee high boots making your legs look slim and sexy, Overall giving it a edgier and bolder look. Lastly, If you`re looking for some fun and want to promote your girl why not wear a pair of her Superga trainers?

PrettyLittleThing STERLING SILVER 100MM LARGE HOOP EARRINGS: £18. Perrie is very rarely seen without her classic gold hoops nowadays. With these earrings you can wear them if you wish, it`s your choice. We chose these sterling earrings from PrettyLittleThing. If you`re weary about the price the reason they are £18 is because they are sterling...Sterling costs a lot. They are also available in gold. 

ASOS DESIGN marble clutch bag with metal handle: £30. I hit the jackpot when I saw this. Searching for a similar bag to the Balenciaga tote she is often seen with I struggled until this beauty popped up on my screen and oh boy did I fangirl. I could`ve chosen this as a dupe for the Mango one she has but I decided not too..I dunno why. I was debating whether to include this one because it doesn`t look like a concert bag to me and it didn`t really go with the outfit but the more I think about it, the more it goes with the dress we suggested. This bag was too much to pass by and not show you guys. It`s marble effect with metal handle is just a purchase waiting to happen.

Jade

SHEIN Cross Back Scalloped Trim Bodycon Dress: $9. I think out of the girls Jade is probably the easiest when it comes to this sort of request. Jade is the type of girl that wears everything and anything and can make it look good. Jade has been seen over the years sporting bodycon dresses whether they are pink, black, red or any other colour. She seems to be embracing her figure more as she wears these on a daily basis nowadays. So we went for this one from Shein, Now it is important to note that due to Jade`s skin tone she shouldn`t be really wearing bright, vivid colours as it doesn`t suit her. Try and stick to more emerald tones like maroons, blacks and greens. We decided to go for this dress today because you can either wear it casually to a concert or out for dinner. Please read on to see what we have teamed this with.

Nike White Air Force 1 Hi Trainers: £90. Now do bare with us here...You either love these or loathe them, These Nike air force Hi top trainers are such a 90s staple popular among the basketball courts and now popular among the fashion elite. I have seen a lot of people wear these Nike hi tops lately with dresses and skirts, whether it`s casual or done up so this is nothing new...This is actually becoming a fast trend. I would understand why people wouldn`t like these as they come across as heavy and chunky and if you own a pair of Air Force trainers you would understand, So we have found another alternative pair for you and they come in the form of converse. These converse are another Hi top option but are less chunky and oversized and more light and fresh on your feet.

ASOS DESIGN ultimate leather look biker jacket: £35. Much like Leigh`s jacket this is a option (Yes, I am aware I`m doing this back to front) you can also choose this jacket if you don`t want to be cold. This jacket goes with the look we set out for you and we would like to officially name it the cowboy look.

River Island Black leather western block heel ankle boots: £75. We picked these boots as a alternative to the trainers in case you wasn`t feeling them and wanted to look a bit more classy. We chose these cowgirl boots for obvious reasons...Although the price may seem a little pricey do think of the investment you are making, Think of the wear you will be getting out of them and joy they could be bringing you.

ASOS Stradivarius studded western handbag in black: £10.50. How many times have I mentioned on this blog Jade loves a shoulder bag? Y`all should be familiar with her Prada, Guess, Versace and sugar cube by now. We picked this one up because it went with the cowgirl style we are opting for. So if you wanted a place to keep your pepper spray and chewing gum in case another cowgirl comes in and tries and steals your man then heres the answer.

PrettyLittleThing BASIC BLACK FEDORA HAT: £10. I absolutely love hats like this, I think they are so bold, cute, edgy and quirky. These hats are fab for festivals, concerts, casual..Cowgirl. I love hats like these with wavy long hair. I just think hats like this most of the time make the look which is why I include them in every inspired I do.

PrettyLittleThing BLACK MATTE THIN RETRO SUNGLASSES: £8. Finally, What`s a post without sunglasses like these? Jade loves retro sunglasses and I think she must have about ten million pairs hidden away in her little cave. Of course you don`t have to opt for these...Hundreds of styles and colours exist on sites such as PrettyLittleThing, MissGuided, Topshop and ASOS. You`re probably wondering what good will these be inside a concert? Well they won`t be, I`m adding these because they would be good as a unnecessary accessory.

Leigh

MissGuided white oversized denim jacket: £38. Summer is round the corner and you`re panic buying..You don`t know if this would look good for that festival or if that would look good on holiday. So we took a simple denim jacket whether it`s blue, black or white it works and teamed it with this outfit, A slight chill in the air or a raindrop and your night could be ruined because you didn`t bring a jacket, Did I mention this is so versatile...Rain proof, Cold proof, boy proof if you`re lucky. A denim jacket would go with anything and everything so make sure you get good use out of it whilst you can. We picked this jacket because our outfit is all black and we wanted to add a bit more colour and depth.

PrettyLittleThing JILL BLACK SLINKY BRALET: £10. Let`s be honest, When isnt Leigh wearing a bralet? Throughout the summer months she is seen wearing bralets non stop in a variety of colours and styles. This one is no different...This is simple but a classic, Can`t find anything to wear? That black bralet would do. When you want to throw some shapes you don`t want nothing clinging to you or making you feel uncomfortable, you would want to feel free and easy. This top comes in a variety of colours so if you fancy shaking things up.

PrettyLittleThing BLACK SUPER HIGH WAISTED WOVEN WIDE LEG TROUSER: £25. We next teamed the outfit up with these black high waisted flared leg trousers from PrettyLittleThing. Flare trousers are also another item from the 90s that has somehow wormed it`s way back into this decade and become a huge trend. A lot of people associate flares with nights out or for the beach, But realistically you can wear these for anything and everything...Which is why we put them into this post, We want people to have confidence and try something new. However, If you`re not ready to venture out yet then we have the perfect alternative for you in the form of skinny black jeans. Yes the classic black skinny jean that goes with anything..We found these ones from ASOS and these ripped ones. We made sure that either of the jeans fitted peoples specifications..So we made sure they werent tight or jeggings (No one likes jeggings), high waisted and compliments a womens figure. Either one goes with the bralet we have also chosen.

Puma Basket Classic White Trainers: £65. When you go to concerts you never estimate how long you would be standing for and at the end of the night you see girls carrying their shoes to the car as they walk the cold streets bare foot..Do you want to be that kind of girl? Of course not you want to be comfortable and have fun and not having misery or pain that heels bring. So we chose these one from Puma for £65..Leigh and Jade are big fans of Puma trainers so this is nothing new. However, If you wanted to invest in your shoes a little more then we have a great pair from Ted Baker here

Topshop Amour Layered Necklace: £7.25. So this is when we come to the part where it is totally up to you whether you want to add accessories either layering it up, or layering it down. We decided to include this necklace as it`s great for accessorising and covering a bare chest..Layered necklaces have become a big trend over the last few years and I hope to see them remain popular for the foreseeable future.

Topshop Rose Gold Flat Hoop Earrings: £5. Wouldn`t be a post without hoops, Leigh loves a hoop earring and it`s very rare that you see her without them so we had to includ them. We chose rose gold earrings because we know girls love the colour..They die for it, As I mentioned before rose gold is a very popular colour not just among jewellery but on phones, cosmetics, furniture, decor the list is endless. Every girl needs a little rose gold in their life.

A huge credit to our guest editor for this post.

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[evandore]

putting this under cut cause personal reasons also tw ablism i think

so i have low empathy / no empathy etc etc and its just a thing but i saw someone else with low empathy mention how they cant really ‘love’ anyone cause of that (+ some other things) but i was like. hmmmmm. cause tbh ive never had a crush crush on anyone and ive been thinking abt that recently how dating is hard cause it literally never comes up for me like that. if i ever get with someone theyd have to approach me first then id probably think abt if itd work / if i like them etc etc all really technical stuff

not even getting into my relationship with my family. on top of that i have whats it called..alexithymia <- had to google how to spell it lol but yea emotions and feelings are hard to categorize for me so even if i am experiencing love i might. just not realize it LMAO. but yea i just dont feel that way. unless i like tell my mind or smth idk its a weird thing to describe i think im just autistic but yea anyway tge point was i decided to google an ended up on a quora question <- always a bad sign but this one answer left me in like. complete shock

the use of the r-slur just hit me out of nowhere. like obv this person is bullshitting and my feelings arent hurt but i did Not expect it. so i guess my conclusion is that im going to ignore this and will be brought up at a later date

well to move away from bad stuff. im not very worried abt finding no one cause i am a very cool and likable person. not saying this is like a conceited sense but from my experience people naturally drift towards my weird girl (?) swagger. if i was a better person i could successfully utilize this and have many happy and fufilling relationships! i am not though.

actually moving back to kind of bad stuff. i might be depressed? like. ok i cant stress enough that to understand me you need to know that i rarely experience strong emotions. my defaukt state is complete neutrality and any form of feeling is like dull and usually comes in bursts of a few seconds. like if i look at something i like i go !!!!! for abt 3 - 10 seconds and it stops when i look away but it comes back when i look or think abt it which is thats normal thats how it all works. thats actually why my blog is like this. its filled with stuff that makes me go like that so i scroll back often and if something doesnt fit i delete it etc.

anyway what was i talking abt? oh right so like stuff comes in bursts like that then its just gone. its the same with negative emotions tho those are usually stronger an its all complicated i wont get into it. but anyway im wondering if im depressed in some way. theres no reason i can really think of and im not suicidal in fact im terrified of death to the point where it’s probably unhealthy. but my family has a history of mental problems so if i do then its probably genetic! but its like i just. cant do anything. i stay in bed for hours and stuff like eating or personal hygiene is just too much. and theres so many things i want to work on but its just too hard to force myself to do something. like i can sometimes but its only for a few days before falling back into not doing anything at all.

but its confusing bc at this point theres nothing to be causing it. like last year was probably the worst time of my life and it makes sense for then but not now. well i mean i dropped out of school a while ago and i dont have a job so i guess im worried abt the future but if i can finish my fucking projects i wouldnt have to worry abt the future. its very confusing and frustrating i want it to stop. ugh i dont know whats worse. feeling bad all the time which is confirmation of depression even if theres no reason. or barely feeling anything at all which is just normal but it makes it hard to know if there actually is anything anything wrong

its just bad cause i cant even be like im feeling bad cause i dont know if im feeling bad i dont feel anything!!!!! but i do feel stuff but its not enough stuff and its just ugh. and im sad now i guess but as soon as i post this five minutes later im gonna go back to feeling exactly as i always do. which is complete neutrality. i didnt mean to end up writing all this. i should really get up and do something lol

jesus christ.

[sexy-cheese]

Rick and Morty Season 3 Episode 6

episode breakdown....and by breakdown I mean me....im breaking down...into sobs and endless sadness and bitter impatient tears....its me. im broken down Stage 1: we see a combination of enlightened rick (er) and toxic rick (tr) trying to get through the trauma of whatever it is they have just survived. Tr would most likely start rampaging, cursing, breaking shit, and trying to kill off anyone around him in a homicidal blur until he calmed down, however er is probably in there wondering why they even did the stupid thing in the first place. Its not their place to meddle. They are an all powerful super being with highly superior intelligence, so why do they feel this horror and trauma for such a worthless gain? Together they neutralize into a 'drink until the pain is gone mentality' henceforth leading to our rick's alcoholism and ideology of the just 'dont think about it' mindset this is the rick we know. The push everything aside, drink, and dont think Stage 2: Tr separates. If you notice, the very first thing he screams when he wakes up is "morty", because naturally it is the first thing on his mind. He frantically searches for him and then calls him a worthless piece of shit, continuously bringing up how stupid and useless he is. This comes from his severe fear of detachment from morty if he were ever to become overly confident and decide he doesnt need his grandpas cool adventures or life style anymore. If a morty gets too confident, he leaves his rick and becomes a sociopath. Normal rick can relatively keep the urge to bring morty's confidence down under control, but tr impulsively spews it out, so damn afriad that morty will wake up and realize he doesnt need him at any moment. He constantly has to cry out and tell him that they need each other, in his own toxic way. Calling him 'a piece of shit' is basically begging him 'dont leave me' he has to make him think he needs him. got it? lets move to the next step of stage 2 tr constantly says things like "im a god" "im above this" "everyone around me is garbage" "you think normal people can do this?" so obliviously this is his narcissism and entitlement, but digging deeper it is also his sense of inner insecurity. now, you may say 'WHAAAT RENATA HOW CAN DAT BEEE?" well lemme splain. basically rick knows how smart he is, he knows how powerful he is, and he knows all the stuff he could do with this power and intelligence....but that's the thing, he really doesnt know all the stuff he could be doing, because he doesnt do it. running around in the toxic can, you can see him panicking, frantically working and running to make stuff and do things. He knows how great he is, but he has no idea how to use it or what he should be doing with it. Think about it, when someone tells you "ayy, your the smartest being in the multiverse and could probably cure the world of every sickness"....wouldn't YOU be a little overwhelmed? He has so much to live up to (an impossible amount) that he hides behind the idea that he doesn't care about any of it. He cant use his power to save the universe, so instead he claims he doesnt care about it. but deep down he feels bad, because he feels like everyone expects him to do something, when in reality theres way too much to do so, to sum up, Toxic Rick is made up of multiple other different things than just narcissism and selfishness and rage...just like toxic morty, he is also his burning insecurity in the fact that hes just a normal man, who happens to be the only person who could ever hope to save the universe....and yet he has no idea how to do it Stage 3: meet enlightened rick. You're thinking, "oh, so THIS is the side of rick that actually COULD save the universe if he wanted because he IS confident enough in his abilities, right?" well the answer is no. this rick doesnt have a flipping clue either. how would he? there is no possible way to save every single multiverse, but unlike tr, instead of letting it consume him in misdirected guilt and insecurity, he instead has (healthily) let it go. Hence the name, he is now 'enlightened' from the worlds problems because he has thoroughly let go of his human need to be the hero and instead surpassed it all in the 'i need not meddle' mentality. BUT. you might ask, "well renaaaatttaaa then why isnt this rick super healthy? why isnt he perfect? why does he seem so interested in getting his other half back?" welll my little reader I have some thoughts. Thought 1) er has no humanity, attachment, purpose, selfworth, or cosmic opinion in himself, the human race, or the universe. why? because he has officially decided that its all pointless anyway and most importantly (big dividing factor here) he is OK WITH THAT. he has accepted the fact that he has surpassed human attachment because he has accessed infinite realities and multiverses to the point where nothing he thought had meaning does anymore. To become fully enlightened, he has let go all of his family, emotions, and self doubts because frankly, he just doesnt give a damn. But in a healthy way? Hes just let it all go, unlike tr who insists he 'doesnt give a fuck' when in fact, he does give millions and trillions of fucks and it eats him alive with each passing day. thoughts 2) so why does er work to get the phone to connect and work at getting his other half back? well he says it right there in the episode when he and confident morty are sitting in the parking lot at school. He says "im accountable to my toxins, right?" he wants to rejoin because he knows that tr has all his intelligence, all his power, and all his guilt wrapped up into a big toxic package. What does this mean? Hes FUCKING DANGEROUS. thats what it means. er is so enlightened, that he knows letting tr do his worst will mean the end of the world. now, for a little while in the episode, he tries to reason with himself and say that he shouldnt meddle in this either, because why is tr any better or worse than he is? but eventually he realizes the truth that tr left unchecked, is bad news for everyone and not worth lying idly back to watch the universe(s) burn. Because yeah...they would all burn Stage 4: now lets watch these two adorable little super humans interact. tr sums it up perfectly when he says "this is the part of your pussy grandpa that keeps it real".....yup. Thats pretty much the whole concept. If youve been paying attention, youve probably already figured out that er isnt exactly as healthy as he thinks he is. The truh of the matter is just sitting back with your thub up your ass like "oh theres no hope in solving ALL the probems, so let me just not interfere at all" is a pretty effed up way to think. Without tr, he probably wouldnt do anything but stay at home with his family and like, build toys electric toys for kids or something. He wouldnt DO anything extraordinary for fear of messing up the fragile stuff of the universe. Tr reminds him what a waste it would be to live a normal life and ignore their vast power. however, tr doesnt know how to use it either, so hence, the fighting breaks out. basically, they just have no idea how to use there god-like intelligence, and it gets ugly for both. even er says 'that stuff is a part of us and we need to put it back.' he knows that in sense he needs it, otherwise his power will be wasted buuuttt.......tr doesnt feel the same way. tr believes that without er, he could possibly become a real man. a real human. a real person who maybe actually cared about things and didnt feel so 'above' everything and so detatched. like a god among people who couldnt really connect with anyone. he doesnt want to go back to that lonely life of being the only one in his realm. this is why he keeps trying to destroy him while er just wants to recombine. Honestly, er is in the right here, (obviously) because he can see the big picture of how they need each other. Also, fun snidbit, tr is clearly the fighter of the two....clearly....and the sexy maker too apparently.....hehe....good to know good to know.....ahem.....anywaaayyyyy but.....looky here.... here I bring you.... Stage 5:tr doesnt give a shit. he doesnt give a fuck, he doesnt give a....oh,....Beth's here?..... he....leaves. immediately. so, here is where we see tr's true weakness, and what er truly hates about himself. He can't even bring himself to be around Beth or put her in any sort of harms way, so he leaves the very second she walks in the door. what does this mean? it is tr, er, and our rick's one true weakness. Truth is, he really cant be fully enlightened and reach his maximum potential, because of his human attachment to his family. Tr probably feels so guilty about leaving Beth (even though it was probably his idea because he was terrified of hurting her) that he cant even stand to look at her. he leaves immediately even though he was technically winning. plain as day, he admits his own true weakness, he just cares too much about his family to ever become truly godlike and reach his full enlightened potential. tr is human, er is the god. but er can see enough of himself to acknowledge that he needs his human self to be a fully functional human being. to truly be...rick. Stage 6 (almost done) and here it is....the moment er truly finally actually comes to terms with the fact that his 'version' of 'health' was actually just what he thought was his true potential. But alas, because the machine choses your version of health based on what YOU think is healthy, this is the issue he realizes. he didnt become healthy, he became his full potential, minus the pain and limits of human emotion. but the truth is, a full, enlightened, god-like potential is kinda useless without compassion and empathy...isnt it? I mean, if you have the power to save, but you just dont care....then whats the point? He realizes that essentially a god that does nothing is no god at all, and even if tr is a toxic, guilty, confused, miserable man too overwhelmed by his own potential to actually fufill it, he will accomplish more than er ever will just because of that energetic will to survive and just flipping DO SOMETHING. he literally realizes in this one moment that he would probably never accomplish anything like this, not without that crazy, overwhelming, miserably human passion that tr harbors in his soul for his shitty life and shitty decisions. and this is when he knows that they have to reunite, just for the sake of not wasting his life. Stage 7: (my personal favorite) ah yes.....the climax of the story. where it all becomes clear. something I havent touched on yet (which i bet you thought i forgot about....you lil scamp) is why tr is trying to make the whole world toxic. Why? simple. he has mistaken his toxic qualities for his humaness. (which in a way is true, but he also got a bunch of bad shit that er probably spends most of his energy keeping on the down low) and so in tr's mind, he isn't 'toxifying' the world, he releasing people's true emotions and true selves. he releasing the raw humanness inside them so they dont have to deal with their superegos always judging them and telling them how to live. he is the id, in a way, freeing all the other id's from their superegos so the world can be a genuine, purely human world. However, obviously, without superego the people are monsters, hence the carnage of the toxified people. to him, this is his way of saving the human world by bringing out their true human nature. unfortunately true human nature is primal and disgusting, but shh.....dont tell him that.....poor innocent bean....look how proud he is.... so proud..... ahem....anyway back to the climax. so now er shows up again and starts talking, lets analyyyyze. first off, er has learned something very important.....its tr's one weakness that he displayed when best walked in, hes afraid of losing/hurting his family. So of course, he targets toxic morty. and er knows this because he doesnt care about morty WHY WOULD HE? there are millions and trillions of mortys. it is beneath his highly superior brain to care, but tr sees the little picture, and in the moment, he needs morty to support him. He needs to latch onto him. he needs the human comfort. he doesnt want to admit that, but he needs it more than anything else in his life. in fact, he needs it so much, he doesnt even think er has the balls to do it, because he thinks he needs it too....but thats just it....he doesnt. and he knows he doesnt need that human connection, which is why he knows he needs his other half back to need it for him and here we have the moment that literally made tears come..... "irrational attachments"......that line just really hurt me bro.....it hurt me good.....it got me right in the soul....yikes. too real. *sniffle* anyway, back to er's rant. he basically sums it up by saying "you are literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture" hence tr's irrational love and dependency for his family, even though er and tr both know there are infinite sanchez families with infinite different fates that they have no way in saving or interfering in any way, tr still for some reason feels emotion towards a morty that really isnt even THE REAL morty. but think about this....its the most insecure morty, right? the one that is the most insecure, helpless morty of them all....its the one that needs him the most. the one that is least likely to ever leave him....*more sniffles* so of course he cares about him. I mean....we've seen what morty is like without him.... i think rick put it best when he called him 'a tiny american psycho'.....which I mean, he would be, right? hes related to rick afterall. with just enough jerry to keep him insecure. at least jerry was good for one thing. and soooo....thats the wayyyyy the news goes. At the very end we see a reunited rick. he even says 'master of both worlds'...meaning he is once again human and god. id and superego, making one highly functioning ego. the rick we know and love. a beautiful mess. so the meaning my friends.....you really shouldnt hate the bad pats of yourself, because at the end of the day, its kind of what makes you....human. wow....this got really freaking long, and I didnt even get into my whole theory about our morty being evil eyepatch morty. (remember in evil eyepatch morty episode where rick says "a confident morty is bad news, ill tell you when youre older".....well I think we know what that means now) yikes....and i thought rick was a handful when he was cocky. so there you have it. Our bread and butter, our saint and sinner, our sexy grandpa and teenage rocker.....our super genius space alcoholic. our rick sanchez. a beautiful chaotic mess.  wubba lubba dub dub bitches.

[souliex]

im feeling emotions so im gonna ramble about jojo

so this is jojo ramble but its also kinda personal and just devolves into a vent at the end

ok so...... the deaths in jojo all still get to me. normally in media death happens and you move on. you feel sad at the time but it really isn’t such a big deal. however.... the one death i’ll be using as an example is that of kakyoin. i love him a lot, he was my favorite for the longest time. now its more of a tie between a lot of characters, but even still he might be my favorite? it changes with my mood. 

now let me get to the death. his death... just happened. it isn’t like it comes out of the blue, but it catches you off guard. in his big dramatic moment, its suddenly interrupted and hes killed. he doesn’t talk to anyone, he doesn’t come to peace with anything, theres no head cradling 90 seconds of last words. to keep the viewer satisfied we are given his inner monologue. but it still isnt anything really concluding. he sends his final message, and dies. we get his backstory, we find that his whole life he had never really been happy. and when he finally found people who truly were able to understand him, his life was taken away. he never had a chance to live. 

while the other stardust crusaders deaths were sad, i dont think any compare to kakyoins. maybe im biased, but heres why i think that way. abdul had already died once, plus he was well traveled and seemed to have a pretty fufilled life. we didnt really hear much about his backstory, and if we werent given any im going to assume it wasnt tragic. also we were all thinking that he was still alive righttt? you cant kill a character twice very well. then theres iggy. now iggy is great, and a good dog, but iggy was only just given emotions and a personality. we werent given too much time to get attached. plus, iggy died saving a well liked character. if you have one sacrifice for the other, its good for story but if you really wanna make me sad that just lets me justify it.

now let me talk more about kakyoin. he was just a high school kid, he had just returned from the hospital with his spirits high. every bit of him radiated hope. and then all that was crushed in a single moment. kakyoin never had a chance to live his life. sure he was prepared to die fighting dio, and he knew that it could happen, but no one is truly prepared for that. no one is ready for it all to end. the fact that until the end he kept on fighting, kept on struggling to get that last message. the fact no one could hear his last words. he died slowly and painfully. and yet he struggled so hard for the friends he had only just found, the people who he could truly be himself with, for them to have a fighting chance. and then all the newfound hope and love was ripped away from him. it fucks me up man. kakyoins death is just truly upsetting to me. i think about him and i love him so much but when i see that he was taken away before he could really grow i just feel so sad. while his death was important, it also feels meaningless. 

i just... i just feel like my depression is channeling itself through my emotions towards him. i dont know if that makes sense but since the medication keeps it from getting all angsty about myself maybe its using other ways because i havent felt such persistent sadness about anything else except depression. no other character makes me feel this way so much. the whole story of life is strange can do it too, but that only happens every once in a while. i just... i want so much for him to be able to lead a happy life and knowing that will never happen hurts me. hes also a character i relate to so maybe thats part of it. its just weird for me to keep feeling sad about this. my emotions come in strong short bursts, with the depression being the persisting static, and nothing else is supposed to persist. i dont like continuous sadness. anyway my feelings toward this are somewhat personal

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #4; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

🌙🌙🔥🔥facebook, this is part of my life story, this is in the past. Im in no way a harm to myself and others. Thank u. PART FOUR!!!🌟🌟🥀🥀 *SatanslashGod; im gonna pray, i think God is calling me to fufill His duties. I was homeless for the 13th time. I walked the streets for days. I got possessed by God. And i acted out bizarrely insanely dangerously, abnormally, like an animal. I stayed up for 3 days straight. And taking extra of my medication. I had a full blown physcotic break. I didnt kniw my name. I was talking like a baby, waving my arms in the air. I lost all my senses. I forgot how to function. I got admitted to Loma Linda ER, and they took me in right away. I was like nonresponsive. I was an animal, a vegetable. I was dysfunctional. And then they transferred me to Loma Linda BMC. Mental hospital. While i was there i acted out. They put me on concervertaship, i had a hearing, and i saw the judge. It was my over 200th mental hospital. And the judge almost sent me to an institution but i lied, and i got off. Ive been concervered over 5 times. I gor diagnosed with ovee 10+ mental illnesses. Critically/Clinically Insane && The Most High Maitnence Case In The System. When i was 12 i sold my soul to the devil. And i became a bully. And multiple places and people told me that i had a serial killers personality, that she looked into my eyes and said "theres nothing in there" "your untreatable" "your too high maintenance for us to treat" my therapist Thea said ahe waz one step away from conserving me and taken to a state institution. And she said they probably couldn't treat me. Ive been to 215 mental hospitals. And ive been thru it all. I cant tell the difference between God and satan, when i get commands i cant tell the difference. *Richard Enxxellia/Puppoi/Three 7s/SeventyThree6's/UglyBitterSky; Richard gives me paranormal activities. Qualities, which he possesses me to act out dangerously. One example is when i get homoscidal. He decodes the devil into me. He moves certain objects and living things to make me use my 10 senses. As i dissociate to many alternate universes. The darkness takes over me. He decodes demons into me. Decoding me, i have codes, we all do. In NXSP. Rascal/Raskal is my therapy dog. Whos dying of cancer. I hallucinate him everywhere. But i see him as if he was real. And people tell me itz all in my head. Like i have a full blown convo or im playing with him. But my mom and bro tells me hes not in here. Three 7s is where my mania gets out of control. Like i feel like im famous, for the right or wrong reasons. Its all a delusional world. I go out of reality now 100% of the day. And thats not normal. *Bad Mommy-Good Mommy/Duplicates Of People/TwentyStepsForward; __::::TSF was a demon that Johnny hated, but somehow was connected too. So after Me/I, Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/MsSweetInsanityyx" (Me/I/M3/iii) killed him. The reason why Lily "Dancing Fire" was so mad at Izzy was because TSF turned to ashes after Johnny died, (was killed by Izzy) and that made Lily wanna send Izzy to The Ends more, as she tried to follow thru with that plan, but failed. Ever since i killed Johnny, Dancing Fire has become a bigger and more dangerous demon in my head, becoming worse and telling Alvaro to possess me more. So Alvaro && Dancing Fire have gotten worse. After i killed Johnny. __::::Bad Mommy/Good Mommy take toll of my mind. When i was in my drug and alcohol addiction, Bad Mommy got worse, she wears a scar on her face. She abuses me, (in real life she did abuse me mentally and very rarely physically, but this was before i got back into my addiction) after i tried to come home after she kicked me out *again* (while i was homeless for the 13th time) i was on cocaine, meth. Acid, pills, heroin etc etc. I came home and she slammed me against a wall, and called me a whore. Then she "switched" and forgot about it later, it scared me, and she won my trust and forgiveness back by giving me brownies. This went on for awhile. In reality tho. She did call me really offensive names. But she didn't slam me against the wall. I was scared of her and on multiple occasions didn't wanna come home from school. Anyways i dont wanna elaborate on that. __::::Duplicates of people really fucked me up. This waz after me coming home in 2018. I saw duplicates of people i do and don't know. And it scares me. Now it only happens with my therapy dog, Rascal *Cones/Wesley "Presley" Garcia/Mr.OutOfDate; |__::::????::::__| XX_XX __::::????::::__ | | Cones;____Guide me in the right direction. Master Cone. Controlling your slaves and servants. Your fucking with my head, your make me follow your path, as u soar strangely thru the air. Trying to show me a new reality, the Cones are ahead of the other flying objects. Its like your all dancing around me and my reality of a dreamland, a dreamland like reality. You opened my eyes, but also made me more insane. Therez all sorts of shapes, dancing strangly. You made me dissociate more than usual. As i traveled all the universes and galaxies. You did both harm and good for me. Thank u, for opening up my eyes, as im developing my 11th sense, i already have 10 senses. You traumatized me and u saved me. Thank u. Cones and Objects. For becoming a part of me. Cones are non living transitioning to living. But only i can see them. I appreciate you all. All the different breeds and kinds of objects. Theres millions of them. And im glad we crossed paths. I love u my Cone Family🖤🥀🌙🔥 Wesley "Presley" Garcia;____ Dear, Wesley/Presley, Did u Wanna get away, why did u make Johnny so bad, i know u were his master. And i know after u died, Johnny took your place, but i had to kill him, he tortured me and all of NXSP, i just wanna ask, why are u so fucked up? We did nothing to deserve this torture. Thank u for trying ur best with Johnny, but i just wanna let u know, even if u tortured us (made Johnny do it) im still here for u, cus i jyst found out that you didn't torture Johnny. Lily lied. And i should have known. Johnny tortured u, and no one knew, so i apologize for blaming u. Johnny also made up stories about you, that u tortured him. And i just put the pieces together and i realized Johnny started all this. NOT ERIN! Lily is just as bad as Johnny and Alvaro. All 3 of them fucked and traumatized all of us. If there is anything i can do to help. Plz let me know. I wanna save NXSP. Not destroy it. I know ur dead, but i miss u. And i realized you tried to pull/put NXSP back together, now its just pure darkness. Do u mind (&& u dont have to if ur not comfortable with it) send us angels to protect us from harm. Like what Constance used to do. I love u hun, keep fighting, soldier, Sincerely, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez/Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx && im also speaking for my family at NXSP. I love u. Hope u get this message.🖤🥀🌙🔥 Mr.OutOfDate;____ You give me reoccurring dreams and visions of my mom dying. && u made me live thru hell itself. Literally, and u bring me closer and more content with death. I feel like im dying everyday, like literally. I feel my body being tortured by my demons and Satan. Who ive met thru traveling the galaxies and universes. Why? I wanna live, not die. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this. "I wanna become content with living But i feel closer that death My mom is the only thing i have Without her i would already be dead I check her breathing while shes asleep on her bed I just wanna be dead No words left unsaid I feel closer to death everyday And i feel myself fading away Still happens to this day Losing levels of sanity more each day Losing my mind and i cant stay awake Ive been thru hell and torture Trauma, pain and darkness Do we know all the answers? Do we all get possessed by the devil Do we all lose control by the hour Dont die Mom Plz dont go Your my sun Plz dont go Your my reason I sold my soul to the darkness But i cant let my mom go Its hard to explain the love i have for her Its easy to explain why i love her Im becoming closer to death Got this fire in my heart Got this fire in my soul Im not whole, im not ok Maybe ill be ok one day I love u mom, Mr.OutOfDate, Youve come way to date You brought me and made me live thru hell Ive lived thru hell itself. Goodnight my beautiful sunshine Aint nobody dying tonight."-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Were all strangers to ourselves. Its hard to say i love myself, cuz im broken and damaged. I love u mom, ur my everything. Your my sunshine my sunrise and my nighttime. If u die i die. Goodnight. 🖤🥀🌙🔥 *Visions&Hallucinations of Past&Future/ObjectsHavingAForceOnMe; Dancing Fire cordinates it. All 100% of my past flashes in my head at random times. And i cant control it. Id be in a completely different reality. And i use all my 10 intensitied senses for every part of my past. Like i was there again. CODE 203 J REPEAT CODE 203 THIS IS SYSTEM SHUTDOWN X FOLLOW ALL GIVEN PROCATIONS. Lily you need to get the fuck outta here with that shit. SHUT UP CHARLOTTE! Homie, you better back up. Im talking to u, Lily. Well Charlotte imma show Izzy her past right now. OHHHH IS THAT IT LILY THATS WHY UR SHUTTING EVERYTHING DOWN! I miss u Lily, the old u.. Im not feeling to good Lily. Im sorry Lily. IM DONE! When objects look at me, its like im looking in a mirror, and there using codes to take over me && they scare me, for example i can look at a door knob, a window. A sky, a cieling, and i feel like it has a force on me. Like there trying to get inside me. Like i see a chair and i scream cuz its looking right thru me. Heres a lil poem i wrote: "Dont talk to the ceiling It might talk back Taking over me Can u see me Can u hear me Do u get that peculiar feeling Of all the hell im dealing Leave me alone I dont have a stable home I look into ur eyes The pretty silver sky Its looking right thru me Its posessing oh its controlling me Got that strange feeling Are these the Aces that im dealing Your looking right thru me Dont listen to the walls They dont think when they talk Dont run away from fear Dont draw the devil nearer There decoding you my darling There breathing how non living objects should Cuz non living things are just as important As living things, your being cornered Breathe my friend In and out Breathe and shout Theres no way out There surrounding me Im inside my TV This is all a game And i declare you insane Smiles on everybody Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors Smiles on my little baby Nobody needs to ser what goes on behind closed doors. Take control dont let it control you Why are u so blue? Are u in the flumes Ace 8 Break It Down Theres No Way Out Im In The Dark Now Im Just Hellbound The more u try to fight it The stronger it gets I would take my life to save yours Trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 Over 10+ mental illnesses They say your insane Well they did diagnose me critically/clinically insane So play your game, Satan Torture me, im waiting So play your Ace, Aint nobody dying tonight Not in this place Your known as the girl with no face Your pointing me towards my dog days Who am i, good question Fuck me torture me, my new obsession Im used to hell and trauma I know rock bottom Im used to pain and darkness Were all in it for the torture There controlling me There possessing me They arnt living Sonetimes non living things Are more alive than the living Smiles on, everybody Shut them system down Smiles on, everyone Were not going down without a fight."-written by me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Sometimes non living are more living than the living. I deal with this everyday. Stay strong yo. *Flying Objects/DemonsPosssesingMe; **||||** Flying Objects: objects that are non living but act like there living. All non living objects float around and talk and act like the living. Like the taxis, or the furniture or anything thats an object. Starts using there senses, they have more senses than us. Heres a lil thing i wrote about that.;;;; "You take control Sweet little ceiling A dangerous feeling Are we really dreaming Your magic head got me screaming You are demons inside of objects As the tables fly As the staircase sighs Its like a labrynth Were all sentenced Were in a fantasy This isnt reality Wake up. Wake up Torture me plz dont stop Wake up wake up All non living things are living All non living things are living Dont be drifting Dont be living Cuz ur not living No not at all They all have faces They all have bodies They all have senses Dont be scared my love Dont runaway my love Im an animal in a cage I got blinding rage I got bad and good days The chairs are all wrong Smiley is coming back Am i wrong? Am i right? Police on the search for me There not gonna catch me These flying objects are very living They will protect me They will seduce me. Flying objects flying round They dont make a single sound Take me far away"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez **||||** Demons Possessing Me; ??????Different Species if demons come and literallt possess me. I start raising hell ans becoming the demon thats controlling my body. I literally "snap into DeZanity" which is 100% worse than Insanity. I become dangerous, act out strangely unsafely dangerously etc etc. I become worse than satan himself. I walk thru and live thru hell itself. Ive seen hell. Ive literally lived in hell. I become darkness itself. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this; "Falling down to rock bottom Lived inside hell, oh pardon? Did u possess me last night the devil fucked me in the dark light I dont kno what to do Why u feelin blue, My darling my darling They say im acting strange Out of character as u say They say i went completely insane Out of character as they say The darkness controlling me Demons possessing me Im dangerous, im dangerous This aint fun Im always on the run I snapped into DeZanity I lost all my senses Ive died many times Im just fucking senseless As all the species of demons Come inside of me Im a dysfunctional animal Im a dysfunctional animal Who am i, my mind is worse than hell itself The devil puts himself up on the shelf Hes not powerful enough to enter Tryna make these dreams centered Tryna make reality my bitch Dont try. Do, win lose Dont do. Try, lose win Either way. There out to get me Lets change the codes Weve already killed ourselves. So far away from home Im feeling so alone. Im feeling cold Flying around the universes There aint no reverses Imma tell u a secret I am more powerful than the devil Are u gonna run and hide Were committing suicide My name is Izzy, Ace 8 My name is Tyler, Ms_SweetInsanityyx Lets fuck this place up Im here to save and help all non living And living things, im here to save the world I help, care. Love support be there Im by there side no matter what When u fall ill lift u up I help everyone and everything obsessivly Im on the battlefield fighting by yo side Im not in the sidelines Lets get ready to snap back Izzys out for the attack. Goodnight, Drearyyx"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez _____________||||____________ *Dancing Rooms/Past In Vivid Movie-LikeForm; ||||_||||Dancing Rooms; dont talk to the ceiling it might talk back. Im in a dreamscape, traveling thru the galaxies, doors all over the walls, all the stair cases are going in many directions, they keep moving. They dont stop. Each room is something new. Im walking over the stars 🌟 , i see all of these different galaxies. Were midnight racing. Its like im in a Lo-Fi setting. All my dreams turned reality. Im in a wild place. Im soaring thru space. U ever seen the movie Labrynth with David Bowie its like that. I feel so free, racing cars over the stars. Im not in reality. Im escaping. Its like im flying, always flying. Im traveling everywhere. You saved me. Dancing Room. Its like a good trip. Like were in a movie, many kinds of movies. Its a new reality. Im escaping earth. So many colors. So much to see. Im sitting on the sunrise. I turn on Lo-Fi radio (the app is purple) and i do meditation to it. I go to extraordinary places. Thank u Dancing Rooms. ||||_|||| Past In Vivid Like Movie Form; so u kno ive had brutal trauma. Hell, pain, torture, bad experiences occurring 24/7 since 2001-2018, and u read part of my life story. Well theres sone parts u dont kknow, Dancing Fire flashes my past in more than just flashbacksx its in vivid movie form frok beginning to end. But its everyday. And even when im happy i get reminded that it constantly, Dancing Fire aka Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia. Tortures me with it. The more i try to escape it or "put my past in the past" i get reminded of it everyday, from beginning to end. Its not ok. And i also get nightmares everynight that makes me not wanna sleep. Like i could be doing my thing, and out of fucking nowhere here comes the show (vivid movie like form of my past from beginning to end) and i cant escape. People say "leave ur past in the past" uh how am i supposed to do that if i get constantly reminded of it every day. ?? But yet i help care love support fix save be there for everyone and everything obsessivly. And i dont stop. I love helping others, i wanna save and fix all non living and living things. That's what keeps me alive. Someone asks me "what's wrong Izzy. U havent been yourself lately?" i tell them an excuse like "im fine" so imagine this: _Having over 10+ Mental illnesses _Having trauma occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 _being constantly reminded of ur past daily _having 22+ mental breakdowns a day, every day _trying to remain sane _dealing with the present. _never escaping the past _everything combined together times 10+ working all at once _and trying to describe what ur feeling/whats going on/what's wrong, cus u don't know how to explain it _Constantly having demons fuck with ur head _hating myself _having an eating disorder/autism _not kniwing what ur feeling _feeling unwanted and unloved _being tortured, abused, raped most of ur life _not knowing who u are _having no home from 2011-2018 _having no hope _having severe brain damage _being critically/clinically insane _Been thru/experienced mostly every traumatic thing _not wanting pity sympathy or attention _after 2018, the hell never ending, getting worse mentally physically and emotionally _being insecure _dealing and drug addiction/alcoholism (im over 1 year sober _being the blacksheep _being LBGTQ _not wanting to date ever again/hating sex _cant go in public without breaking down _dissociating 99% of the day _explaining yourself to people _my mom being sick. My dogs having cancer _my mom and bro not wanting me home _thinking ur worth nothing _being a prisoner to ur mind _not knowing who u are _Alvaro possessing me _not feeling like ur in ur body/being possessed _paranioa/objects having a force on u _being confused/delusional _everything youve read/heard in all of this story applied to u everyday _acting like ur okay _trying to save. Fix. Love. Care, support, help, be there for everyone and everything obsessivly but not feeling like its good enough _missing my unbio son, Anthony everyday. _not wanting to cry or show emotions _avoiding feeling feelings/being so used to the bad that u cant process the good _not processing things _wanting to end ur life on a daily basis _wanting to self harm/act out on a daily basis _just hating yourself/having trust and anger issues _the rest i cant explain 🌟🔥🌙Hey this is Izzy here, thank u for breathing, for being alive. Im proud of u. Thank u for coming to my TED TALK.🌙🔥 **Another One Of My Suicide Attempts (i was on the online news); My brother and i got into a huge fight. Cuz we were playing pranks on eachother, but around that time i got raped *again* my mom still isnt aware that it. My whole past flashed by in my head vividly. My mom and brother told me they didnt want me home. And i felt like a failure. I was walking on the side of the street and the highway. I self harmed really bad. But i got home and everything else was a blackout. I had 33 breakdowns that day. We were at Farmer Boys. And my mom kept asking if i was "okay" i told her "yes" but i was lying. I had dreams of my granpa dying (hes deceas3d now) and my monmm dying. My mental health got 10 times worse. Leading up to my attempt i got raped again* by 10 people one by one torture, abusing and raping me for about 2 hours. I still havnt told my mom. I came home and i tried to have a "silent suicide attempt" i took 2 bottles of Gabapentin (one of my medications, this ones for anxiety) and they were big bottles, and i took every pill in there. I started fading out and u heard a voice in my head, trying to stop me from dying. I called 911 and told them that i overdosed, they got all my info and told me to stay where i was. There were fire trucks. Ambulances, police cars. They made me drink Charcoal, instead of pumping my stomach. My mom came out && was talking to the officers/AMRs etc. They did there normal procedures and transported me to Corona Regional Medical Center (aka CRC). I had a sitter, or a 1:1, they did their hospital procedures and i got transferred to "The Willows Mental Hospital" (Still CRC but not emergency, just psychiatric) my brother told me i was on the Corona Newspage, descibing my attempt. But not using any names of people. But it showed my house. I stayed on a 52/50 hold. I cant remember clearly exactly how the whole thing happened but im doing the best i can. ________________________________________ 🌙🔥🌟🥀hey its izzy, if anyone needs a prayer lemme know ok. This is something i just wrote, its from my heart. Stay True!!! Keep sharing your story, cuz it matters you matter your life matters YOU MATTER. , thank u for breathing, for continuing and being alive. Ur all Angels, you are a work of art, you just gotta put the peices together. U gotta creaate your art, your story. It doesnt end here tho. Id give my life if it meant all of u become painless, im not a saint. I just wanna be the person to save care love be there for living and non living things. Yea ive had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, but its 2020 in a month. All i want for Christmas is for all yall to be safe and happy. If any of yall need anything, ill be here. Ill be fighting by ur side on the battlegrounds. Im sitting here crying cuz idk how to fix this world. Im proud of u. Even if u didnt wanna be alive today, youve made it another day and youve made it this far. Your doing the best u can. You all make me wanna cry cuz of how amazing u are and how beautiful ur soul is. If ur thinking about taking ur life tonight trust me ive been there. Put ur hand on ur heart, feel that? That's purpose. Your life is a mess right now. Keep looking up. Your someones reason. I wanna save ur life tonight/today. Thank u for ecsisting. I know its dark out, you grow stronger every second. Take ur time. Slow down, take a moment or a few moments. Relax ur whole body, ur gonna be ok. Ur gonna keep fighting. For everyone but mainly for yourself. Im proud of u. Trust me im far from ok. But id do anything if it means everyone else can ok. U are a broken soul. But we will fight, we will win. We will stick together x im here for all yall. Dont go. Its not ur time. I kno it may seem cliche. Bit ur voice matters ur story matters your message matters. YOU MATTER YOUR IMPORTANT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE YOUR ENOUGH YOUR WORTH IT. ! Thank u for being u. This is Izzy here. Keep fighting, soldier. Keep going. Your destiny is inside of u. I love u all. Message me if anything. Stay true stay u. Live u my warriors my angels xx----Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🖤🥀🖤🥀

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[2/27/2015 9:48:23 AM] Evan: sup [2/27/2015 11:23:51 AM] YV??~: (So I was not ignoring this i just only ever wake up around 12 and i never change my status because i dont plan when i go to sleep. just felt like i needed to explain i was not ignoring this) [2/27/2015 3:28:38 PM] Evan: I kinda figured. heh [2/27/2015 3:29:23 PM] YV??~: so you wanted something? [2/27/2015 3:30:49 PM] Evan: Haha not particularly. It's going to sound pretty random, but I actually wanted to ask you a question. [2/27/2015 3:31:01 PM] YV??~: Ok [2/27/2015 3:32:21 PM] Evan: Cause I'm curious, and I can't remember if I ever asked. [2/27/2015 3:32:30 PM] Evan: Heh. Sorry if this is too personal, but [2/27/2015 3:32:45 PM] Evan: Why do you consider yourself a terrible person? [2/27/2015 3:42:39 PM] YV??~: Oh. Well you are in luck because i accidentally did a lot of terribly depression introspection earlier this week and have just the answer for that. From what i can put together from my somewhat incoprehansible whining. I've gotten through a lot of my life manipulating people through lying and gaining their pity all for my own gain...and probably will continue to. I tend to not do ANYTHING in every situation that would be optimal for working. I am able to somehow make people angry just by expressing emotion. and even when i find things i could fix i never try to change anything. [2/27/2015 3:42:54 PM] YV??~: just a short list of some of the things [2/27/2015 3:43:57 PM] Evan: I see. [2/27/2015 3:44:13 PM] Evan: It sounds to me like you're a human. [2/27/2015 3:46:21 PM] YV??~: Ehhh. I mean im not gonna tell people what they can think but i dont have to share anyone opinion [2/27/2015 3:47:23 PM] Evan: Haha, fair enough. I'll spare you the optimistic bullshit. [2/27/2015 3:47:28 PM] Evan: Why don't you change anything? [2/27/2015 3:48:51 PM] YV??~: That takes time. and effort im too lazy to put out. Ive tried to fix some things but i forget like a week later and stop trying [2/27/2015 3:49:40 PM] Evan: Do you not actually want to? [2/27/2015 3:52:05 PM] YV??~: Honestly, hell if I care anymore. I'm trash and thats that, Im not really worth the time or effort. [2/27/2015 3:52:29 PM] Evan: Not even your own? [2/27/2015 3:54:23 PM] YV??~: Im not really worth pretty much anything for anyone. Even thinking deeper about myself makes me feel like that was just a waste of time. [2/27/2015 3:54:49 PM] Evan: What do you do, then? [2/27/2015 3:55:50 PM] YV??~: Weh, theres a reason I have so many OCs and roughly 12 titles to my name with 6 running congruently at various stages of development. [2/27/2015 3:56:27 PM] Evan: Why do you make art and tell stories? [2/27/2015 4:01:07 PM] YV??~: I dont really have any other people around, and I dont really move from one spot like 22+ hours of the day so I gotta have somewhere to go, and someone to be. Even before I ended up like i am now barely leaving the house, I didnt have more than like 1 friend ever so those were my friends. I ended up picking up drawing from my sister seeing her do it because i thought itd be a good way to be able to really see these characters [2/27/2015 4:03:03 PM] Evan: Why do you animate them? [2/27/2015 4:06:56 PM] YV??~: Ive always been able to make up stories but when i create them i dont think of it as words, as a story would be if i wrote it down, I actually see the story's progression moving. When I create a story and characters I see them move and create the story themselves with small things i put in, and I hear them actually say what they have to say. out of all mediums of visual story-telling, animation is the closest to the original "being" of the story. [2/27/2015 4:07:38 PM] Evan: Why do you share them? [2/27/2015 4:10:20 PM] YV??~: I do that with pretty much any work i finish. Like "here i made this, heres proof it exists." Basically so i have something to show for myself, that i do have the ability to make things. [2/27/2015 4:12:29 PM] Evan: Does it make you proud? [2/27/2015 4:15:32 PM] YV??~: euuhhh...Proud? No. Satisfied with actually being able to have a finished product of some kind, even if its less than the original plan, is a little more like it. Even if I hate it later because there are things that could have been done better if given the time, its still better than nothing. And even then usually the ones i hate the most give other people the most enjoyment. [2/27/2015 4:17:22 PM] Evan: Do you make things that you hate? [2/27/2015 4:20:59 PM] YV??~: Oh yeah. Serious things that just went wrong early on and i was unable to fix, and joke things that ive put too much effort into that got too big compared to real work. I usually dont hate projects though. Even when I feel like theyre going no where and i retire the idea completely i dont usually hate those. Mostly art and animations, actual stories are different. [2/27/2015 4:28:05 PM] Evan: Does art make you happy? [2/27/2015 4:32:56 PM] YV??~: Not usually while im in the process of making it, im mostly just mind set on what it SHOULD look like. But stepping back to look at everything come together and finally become something finished usually is satisfying at the least. Some i never look at after that final moment of its creation, but some im really happy with the way it came out and end up looking at it over and over. So I suppose once the peice is made it does, in a way. [2/27/2015 4:34:34 PM] Evan: Are you proud when your art makes others happy? [2/27/2015 4:36:44 PM] YV??~: Well, i mean, i guess its nice when other people can find enjoyment out of something ive done. [2/27/2015 4:37:13 PM] Evan: Do you like making people happy? [2/27/2015 4:39:21 PM] YV??~: depends, usually i try not to sacrifice too much for other people, but sometimes i can be generous with somethings. really it depends on how I feel pretty much. [2/27/2015 4:41:55 PM] Evan: What makes you happy? [2/27/2015 4:47:07 PM] YV??~: I dont know, I tend to spend most of the day in a neutral 'emotionless' state, and most of the time any emotions I do have are very miniscule that I dont usually remember them. Though I enjoy being in the presence of other people, even without participating, people tend to ignore me 90% of the time. Thats a question that im not sure has a real answer [2/27/2015 4:50:26 PM] Evan: Do you have a dream? [2/27/2015 4:53:07 PM] YV??~: I try not to make solid plans more than 3 years in advance, so im not really sure. There's not a whole lot, at this point, that I could really accomplish by 2018, who can even say I'll still be alive by then. [2/27/2015 4:54:04 PM] Evan: But is there something you would want to do? [2/27/2015 4:58:05 PM] YV??~: Usually I just put goals on my characters, and I just exist to help them get there. I dont really see it so much as my life and things I want to do. Really the only thing id regret in dying is not that im stuck nowhere and im not going anywhere, but my characters not fufilling their roles and reaching THEIR closure. [2/27/2015 4:59:23 PM] Evan: Is there anything else that you do? [2/27/2015 5:02:50 PM] YV??~: All of my hobbies relate with art and story-telling in someway. Voice acting, singing, creating costumes and clothing. pretty much all of it is art and in some way has a story behind it. [2/27/2015 5:06:28 PM] Evan: What do you want to be better at? [2/27/2015 5:09:51 PM] YV??~: wehh..I dont know, theres a lot of things i could be better at and somethings i should be, but...im not really sure. [2/27/2015 5:22:15 PM] Evan: What do you think you're best at? [2/27/2015 5:28:41 PM] YV??~: Ive practiced various methods of drawing for years but, even though i just picked up sewing as a craft 3 years ago im better at that than i was with drawing early on. Everything else has taken since around middle school to get to a good level where i can still do it comparatively quickly, where sewing only took a year to get to that point. Overall for me it went from a beginner level to at least moderately experienced much faster than everything else. [2/27/2015 5:38:07 PM] Evan: What's your favorite thing to do? [2/27/2015 5:41:19 PM] YV??~: I dont know. Usually if im bored, and not too fed up with holding a pencil, i end up idly drawing....Its really like the only thing I do. [2/27/2015 5:50:40 PM] Evan: What inspires you? [2/27/2015 5:53:13 PM] YV??~: Usually things just pop into mind on their own. Sometimes they happen while im listening to, or watching something. [2/27/2015 5:53:40 PM] Evan: What sorts of things do you watch and listen to? [2/27/2015 5:57:06 PM] YV??~: Usually I put on miscellaneous gameplay footage or lets plays, and i pretty much switch between that and music. [2/27/2015 5:57:49 PM] Evan: What kind of music? [2/27/2015 6:00:23 PM] YV??~: It usually depends what i feel like. somedays its lighter faster stuff, somedays its heavier stuff. Somedays a combination of both, sometimes i just let my music shuffle and play in whatever order. [2/27/2015 6:02:12 PM] Evan:  Is music important to you? [2/27/2015 6:05:52 PM] YV??~: I guess....I mean some ideas wouldnt have happened without certain songs, and some projects probably wouldnt exist. [2/27/2015 6:07:53 PM] Evan: What's your favorite project? [2/27/2015 6:10:21 PM] YV??~: Honestly, there isnt a lot of public information on Mahito but ive been working with it for 2 years, and it was actually the first thing I envisioned myself actually animating. [2/27/2015 6:11:00 PM] Evan: What's Mahito? [2/27/2015 6:22:17 PM] YV??~: Its something I came up with one day, I guess the best way to describe its themes in short would be Madoka-esque even though i came up with the basics including designs before i even watched it. I guess one could say its very "magical girl" though it is not a straight female cast. It follows a team of 6 highschool students, their leader being a socially withdrawn, sucidal girl whos only real support are her brother and his best friend. These 6 people are given powers and forced into a battle thats been going on for centuries, for supremacy within a group of supernatural beings known to the humans involved as "gods." Many of these gods have no regard for the people they force to fight so long as they are able to take surpremacy in someway, since they are unable to kill each other or be killed. The team has to fight both other human fighters and "monsters", that are the remains of humans who tried to rebel against their "god", which live beyond a barrier and can threaten to destroy inncent human life. At first they look at it as their chance to help people, but eventually their powers become a burden. [2/27/2015 6:24:26 PM] Evan: That sounds really interesting. How much have you done with it? [2/27/2015 6:29:45 PM] YV??~: So far I have designs and short biographies for the main cast. As well as designs for a few of the mosters they will face, and bios for a few minor characters that still have some influence on a part of the plot. A lot of what i have written besides characters is mostly world building, information on the roles and powers each member of a 6 man team can have. Descriptions of the basic behaviors of monsters on different intelligence levels. I plan to have all the designs done at the end of this year, and the timeline for the plot fully written in detail at the end of 2016. [2/27/2015 6:33:31 PM] Evan: Cool. O: I assume it's also going to be an animation? When do you think you'll start making it? [2/27/2015 6:38:45 PM] YV??~: Ive been saying since around last year or so itll come out in 2018. It was the first thing I considered animating seriously, things before that where like that would be cool, or this scene could be animated. But this, i decided, this was going to be fully animated, i tried to start it out in a static format just to get things laid out to be adapted into an animation, but it never worked. While 2018 may be a little too ambitious, this is going to be nothing but animated [2/27/2015 6:44:46 PM] Evan: I see. [2/27/2015 6:46:57 PM] YV??~: yeh