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maddmuses · 2 years ago

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Secondary Muse Directory

These muses are on-request for existing partners and under other circumstances where *I* want to play them only. If you’re new here, you’re not likely to get it unless I bring it up.

Multimedia // DC Universe

-Bruce Wayne: You know what it’s about. He’s The Caped Crusader, The Dark Knight, other third example; I Am The Night (Bruce Wayne) (He/Him; Bisexual)[I only RP this for specific friends quit fucking asking]

Multimedia // Other Comics

-Al Simmons: The Hellspawn and rebel from hell, Al is the greatest enemy of both Heaven and Hell; Rexspawned (Al Simmons/Spawn) (He/Him; Het)

Multimedia // Avatar Universe

-Zuko of The Fire Nation: The Prince, and then later ruler, of The Fire Nation. He was once scarred as a sign of his dishonor, but has found his honor again as an ally to the Avatar; Honor! (Zuko) (He/Him; Bi)

-Avatar Kuruk of The Water Tribe: An Avatar in an era of perceived peace. Traveling with his own team Avatar he would often fight dark spirits, which slowly ate at his own spirit; Go With The Flow (Avatar Kuruk) (He/They; Lawful Sad)

Anime // Boku no Hero Academia

-Toshinori Yagi: The number one hero All Might! Currently retired, he suffers from debilitating physical injuries and the loss of his quirk!; A Real Hero Will Always Find A Way For Justice To Be Served!! (Toshinori Yagi/All Might) (He/Him; Demi)

-Rumi Usagiyama: No. 5 Hero Mirko and local Megan Thee Stallion impersonator, Rumi is objectively and empirically best girl. Literally ranked the highest, go look or she’ll kick your butt; I Live Every Day Like There’s No Tomorrow!! (Rumi Usagiyama) (She/Her; Pansexual)

-Toya Todoroki: The mysterious flame villain Dabi, and eldest son of Endeavor; The Mysterious First Son (Dabi/Toya Todoroki) (He/They; Demi)

-Shoryuu Takeshi: A martial artist hero-in-training, he’s the national champion for high school karate in the open quirks division; It’s Time To Have Some Fun!! (Shoryuu Takeshi) (He/Him; Hetero)

Anime // Bleach

-Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: Numero 6 Espada and verified catboy; Grim Jawed Panther (Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez) (He/Him; Fightsexual)

Anime // Naruto

-Kakashi Hatake: Sixth Hokage and leader of Squad 7, he is often known as The Copy Ninja; I Will Never Let My Comrades Die (Kakashi Hatake) (Ask me about my canon divergence) (He/Him; Tired Bi)

-Tenten: A weapon’s specialist of the highest regard, and known in Konoha for being peerless. Give her a weapon, and she seems to know how to use it; The True Blade Maiden (Tenten) (She/Her; Bisexual)

Anime // Shonen

-Saitama: A hero for fun, that name exists for him and him alone; Hurry! We have to get there before the supermarket closes!! (Saitama) (He/Him; Homoromantic Asexual)

-Joseph Joestar: Grandson of Johnathan Joestar and the torch carrier of the Joestar legacy through Battle Tendancy. A master of Hamon/Ripple and user of the stand Hermit Purple, he becomes Jotaro’s mentor in Stardust Crusaders; Oh My God!! (Joseph Joestar) (He/Him; Powerfully Jojo)

-Jotaro Kujo: Grandson of Joseph Joestar and user of the stand Star Platinum, then later Star Platinum: The World. A stoic and aloof young man, he deeply cares for his loved ones, and will stop at nothing to protect them; Yare Yare Daze... (Jotaro Kujo) (He/Him; Devastatingly Jojo)

Literature // Fantasy

-Harry Potter: Prophecy’s hero, and future Auror; The Boy Who Lived (Harry Potter) (He/Him [trans]; Pan)

Literature // Horror

-Kay McCall: Feminist author and all around bad bitch who two abusive assholes can’t stop; The Survivor’s Survivor (Kay McCall) (She/Her; Heteroflexible)

Video Games // Fighting

-Jin Kazama: The son of Kazuya Mishima and two-time winner of The King of Iron Fist Tournament; The Crimson Lightning (Jin Kazama) (He/Him; Bisexual)

Video Games // RPG

-Yojimbo: The ultimate sellsword, an astral being and summon that specializes in taking payment for his ability to slay any enemy; The God of The Blade (Yojimbo) (Whatever you’ll pay He/Him to be)

-Adrian “Alucard” Ţepeş: Son of the most powerful vampire and hero of Romania; Regal Dhampir (Adrian Alucard Ţepeş) (Eldritch Entity)

Film and Television // Karate Kid and Cobra Kai

-Johnny Lawrence: Ace degenerate and master of Cobra Kai, former champ of the All-Valley Karate tournament and sensei of the 2018 champ Miguel; The Best Defense is More Offense (Johnny Lawrence) (He/Him; Het)

Film and Television // Animation

-Clay Bailey: The Xiaolin Dragon of Earth, Shoku Warrior, and Rootinest of Tootinest Cowpokes; Quaking Beast (Clay Bailey) (He/Him; DemiPanRo)

-Reagan Ridley: Local science girlboss and COO of Cognito Inc. Generally too stressed by all this shit, and is making sure the world order doesn’t fall apart at the seams. (She/Her; Bi Bi Bi)

-JFK (John “Jack” F. Kennedy): The clone of the original JFK created by a board of shadowy figures. Captain of the football team and Capitán of the futbol team; I’m a Kennedy! I’m not accustomed to tragedy!! (JFK) (He/Him; Questioning)

#directory

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a-lil-perspective · 4 years ago

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I have been silent for some time now. I have refrained from exhibiting any plaguing thoughts that might warrant me the label of “that person”, but I’m at the point where I’ve had my fill.

Ramble under the cut so as to not... offend or inconvenience anyone. There’s absolutely no obligation to read this. It’s Tumblr. You can block/ignore me. The option to do so is readily accessible.

I’ve been a Bad Batch fan since day one. While I didn’t start creating that very same day, it was relatively close. Point being, I’m a long-time dedicated fan. As the premiere to their series draws closer, I feel like there is going to be a great shift, rift here. That being said, I figured now is as good a time as any to make this post.

I love those boys beyond words. They’ve been the one constant in my life amidst a rapid and debilitating change. I love getting to give them life, even if my interpretations aren’t the most accurate.

Yes, I am a new Writer and yes, I am new to Tumblr, as I am sure both of those things are painfully apparent.

I get that it is impossible to please everyone. It’s something I’m learning more and more with each passing day. It’s something that gets harder to swallow, even more so.

I’d like to say that being here has been a largely positive experience, with all of these great connections and opportunities. But honestly? It’s been more isolating than anything. I’ve actually never felt more isolated than since I joined a year ago.

As a content creator or even just a general blogger, I don’t ask for much. I don’t ask for anything, in fact. I consider myself very low maintenance. I don’t demand/harass/play the martyr for reblogs. I have never mentioned it once, and never will. Some people on here are so damn passive-aggressive about it, and quite frankly, it’s embarrassing. It’s very stigmatizing. While I completely understand the frustration surrounding the like-to-reblog ratio, I think it’s neither tasteful nor reputable to threaten to call people out for not reblogging your fics. I wish I could say I was joking on that one. But I’ve seen it profoundly. Not cool.

And yet, no one says anything or raises any concern there.

Yet I make metas, harmless rambles, and I get shot down? Seriously?

—I need to “chill”, it’s ��overkill”, I’m “overthinking”. I and my content are apparently just so damn arduous to interact with.

If you don’t like me, please just move on. There are plenty of other Bad Batch creators for you to enjoy. You know that. My work is absolutely not the final say, and I’ve never claimed it to be.

What is so wrong, with sharing one’s thoughts? Why do people inherently have a problem with other’s creative efforts? I see it time over again. Why do I feel like if I was making a bunch of smutty posts it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, that it in fact would be infinitely more welcome? (Absolutely NO shade to people who create smut, okay? I’ve made my own share. I admire those bold enough to do so regularly. I absolutely love them. Please teach me your ways).

This ramble really has nothing to do with the most recent event regarding my contributions. Rather, it’s a culmination of experiences over the past several months that have brewed and festered to the point where I can no longer keep downplaying it.

Social media, at its core, is one big popularity contest. It always has been, it always will be. But I’m not here to win. That’s never been my objective. That’s not what I’m about. Surprise (or not), I am not a popular blog. Not by a long shot. I’ll never claim otherwise.

I don’t ask people to view/interact with my content, I’m not an activist, I can’t even fathom exuding that kind of confidence. Even though I, admittedly, crave it. I suspect I crave interaction as much as the next creator. It’s a nice feeling. Yet there’s never been any obligation for it, especially with me, so I don’t understand what the problem is. As I’ve said, there are ample ways for you to block/avoid me. It’s the internet. In this day and age, there’s no excuse for viewing anything you don’t want to.

I came here in the hopes of finding like-minded individuals, uplifting and interacting, and exercising some otherwise stunted creativity.

All Tumblr as taught me is that creating and contributing is largely a thankless, empty endeavor. You can give and give and give and be reduced to nothing. There’s a profound imbalance between “giving” and “receiving”, and in regards to both ends of the scale, it’s became apparent to me that if you don’t cater heavily and in unreasonable degrees or get “noticed” by a popular blog, you get nothing, and your efforts are null and void.

Truthfully? I constantly feel like I walk on eggshells here, and it’s all I can do to not crack under the pressure, even though it’s my blog and my headspace. I should feel comfortable and free to express myself here, and I don’t, and I’m unsure of how to achieve that sense of stability. To be completely honestly I feel like a constant bother and a nuisance. When I post, I literally feel like there is a collective eye-roll that comes with people receiving a notification from my blog. Even though I know, rationally, that can’t be true, that’s an absurd level of thinking. I can’t say I can pinpoint exactly where it stems from.

But regardless: I hardly ever talk about/create the things I actually want. I only recently just got ballsy enough to share some metas, and we all know how well that’s going. I try not to have smut out of respect for my asexual/minor mutuals, even though the tag to blacklist is very much an option. I try not to bring up conflicting topics, Tumblr, political, or otherwise, even though with proper tagging I could. But I try not to even bring that into existence. Even though it’s my right to, I don’t.

I don’t actually feel like I fit into any narrative here, especially in the Bad Batch fandom; even though we are all basically the same steadfast group of bloggers. We all know who we are. We all coexist in the same space. It’s nearly impossible to be unaware of each other, at this point.

And yet, I’m not in a bunch of Discord servers or backed by a team of beta readers and all that jazz. It’s basically just me talking to myself out here. It’s very isolating.

Part of that—most of it—is my own crippling social anxiety, and the genuine belief that I don’t deserve to be in the same space/servers as all of these brilliant creators. Because I’m just me, and there’s not a whole lot of value there. With that mindset, it’s hard to actually feel like I belong anywhere. I know that is a mindset I have to conquer alone.

My excitement over my creations has largely dwindled into nothing. I seldom ever bounce my ideas off of others—another issue that stems from the fear of presenting as a burden—and even though I try to write for myself, even that fire has pretty much died out. I’m not even sure how or if I could even reignite it, at this point. It’s really quite sad. It makes me very sad, actually. All I wanted was to safely ramble, project all my thoughts and creativity that has otherwise been repressed through prolonged detrimental circumstances.

More than anything, I wanted to find and hold onto something that makes me feel useful, meaningful, happy. More and more I wonder if that’s even possible. I don’t think it is, not here. I often wonder if joining and sharing on Tumblr was a horrible mistake. I miss the innocent joy of when I first started creating. It was so simple. I’m trying to find that simplicity again.

But I’m burned out. I’m running on fumes. I have been for some time.

At this point it goes beyond just “taking a break” from Tumblr. It’s the fact that it all feels like this meaningless, monotonous cycle. I wonder every day if I am an isolated case in experiencing these emotions.

And yet, come tomorrow I will still be here, business as usual.

I’m not asking for sympathy or playing the victim or attacking anyone or trying to guilt-trip into more interaction. I am very aware of my shortcomings and incorrect mindsets. I’m just trying to make sense of it all. I feel very disconnected from everyone here and it’s lonely. This took a lot for me to share. I will most likely delete this because anxiety will eat me up, as it does with everything I post. Yes, everything.

#personal #lil rambles

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starship-squidlet · 4 years ago

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Modern Stargate SG-1 Headcanons:

To go along with this post

Daniel:

Was always a nerd. Definitely had a “Greek mythology” phase growing up and never technically grew out of it, he just shifted a little more towards Egyptian mythology as he got older.

He felt closer to his parents when he was studying Egyptian mythology, and wound up turning it into a whole career by becoming an Egyptologist like they had been.

Guilty pleasure: Ancient Aliens.

Seriously, when he found out about the stargate and aliens and all of that his mind was absolutely blown. Even though he’d posited Ancient Aliens-esque theories himself, there was always a little part of him that went “there’s absolutely no way this is real and I might actually be a little crazy”. He did a little happy cry after going to Abydos and dealing with Ra and everything not just because all of that was over and they had won, but because he really was right and not crazy and all these theories he’d always wanted to believe but couldn’t quite bring himself to 100% believe really were true.

Aromantic/Asexual

But he still married Sha’re—he didn’t really have a choice.

Even after they got everything sorted out with Ra, and he chose to stay on the planet when Jack and the others left, he didn’t leave her. Initially, this was because he didn’t want her to be punished for not “pleasing” him or something like that (he had no idea how Kasuf and the other elders would react if he tried to send her away and didn’t want to risk her getting in trouble), but he did come to genuinely care for her. Once Kasuf and Skaara understood this about him, they were just as accepting of his identity as Sha’re was and became his family.

(Kasuf probably never truly understood what Daniel was trying to tell him about romantic/sexual attraction but he just smiled and nodded and accepted this weird kid anyways. All that mattered to him was that Sha’re was happy.)

When Sha’re was taken by Apophis, Daniel still joined SG-1 to get her back. He became almost immediate friends with Sam, who he always felt understood him on a level almost no-one else ever had, except for possibly Sha’re. Jack and Teal’c were friends on a different level, but they were no less close.

Has a lot of strong opinions on Google translate.

Tutors ESL students online (when he’s on Earth).

The only time his Duolingo streak was broken was when he ascended for a year.

Sam:

Sam Carter grew up a tomboy. While the other girls were all having tea parties and playing with dolls, she was building Lego spaceships with her brother and tying parachutes to plastic army men (and other toys) and throwing off the upstairs back porch of their house to see what would work.

In high school, she entered robotics tournaments and anything else she could get into.

She played softball and field hockey and was good at basketball even though she never joined the team. She took karate and tae kwon do and jui jutsu classes on the weekends. By the end of high school, she was teaching self defense classes at like the local Y or something.

She was also on the chess club in high school.

Got all As in math and science classes, but was more of a B student in any other subject—still above average, but she didn’t excell quite as much in the humanities.

Got into every college she applied to and got good scholarships to most of them, but decided to go to the Air Force Academy instead at the last minute without explanation to anyone.

No-one was more shocked by this move than Jacob, who had never expected her to follow in his footsteps. When pressed for answers by the school counselor, she said she felt it was her best chance to go to the moon someday.

In the academy, she excelled not only in her classes but in every physical test. She beat guys twice her size in hand-to-hand combat, had perfect aim on the gun range, and continued to get near perfect scores in her math and science classes in particular.

When Jacob expressed his pride in her accomplishments, it proved to be a mistake. She got into a slightly questionable relationship with one of the lowest-ranked guys in her year, who was always inches away from a dishonorable discharge. Her grades and performance slipped.

Some people suspected abuse when she would show up to classes with a black eye or split lip, but any suggestion of this to her would earn them the most wicked glare and a possible punch to the gut if no officers were around.

When Sam and her boyfriend got engaged, Jacob came to the school personally to try to talk her out of marrying him. He’d heard enough about the guy from his friends at the academy to feel the need to intervene, but this proved to be the worst possible choice. That weekend, Sam and her fiance ran off to elope. At the last second, she snapped to her senses and broke it off. Afterwards, she always denied that he had been the source of her bruises, but since those stopped after they broke up, not many people believed her.

She was one of the first people pulled for the stargate project and designed the majority of the dialing system herself. Once it was finished, she left the program to work on her doctorate.

When Apophis’s soldiers came through the gate and the stargate program was reopened, newly-doctorized Sam leapt at the chance to go to Abydos with Jack and his team. She never expected it to last beyond that one mission, but was certainly not complaining when they found the cartouche with more gate addresses!

She’s a very private person, and only discloses her feelings with those she trusts the most deeply. Daniel is usually the first to find out about stuff though—and not just romantic stuff; she also confides in him about things that she’s stressed or worried about, and he’s always the first or one of the first to hear her good news.

Besides Daniel, her closest friend is Janet Frasier. They went through basic training/the air force academy together, and reunited upon joining the stargate program. They started dating not long after joining the program, although they kept their relationship fairly quiet.

They went on a break after Janet adopted Cassie, and never quite found their way back to each other as partners, although they remained close friends. Never telling Janet how she really felt became Sam’s greatest regret after Janet died, and she devoted herself to Cassie to assuage her guilt over that.

Fierce feminist and a massive supporter of women in STEM and similar movements.

Disaster bisexual.

Jack

Jack and Sarah married fairly young and had Charlie not long after. He wasn’t exactly planned, but they loved him more than anything, and when he died it absolutely tore the two of them apart.

Jack went from a fairly happy-go-lucky, glass-half-full, ray of actual sunshine to a sarcastic, pessimistic, ball of anxiety literally overnight.

He was severely depressed after Charlie’s death, to the point where he actually had to be hospitalized.

When he was released, he moved back in with Sarah, even though they had been separated before his hospitalization. It wasn’t long after his release that he was pulled for the first mission to Abydos with Daniel.

After that mission, his nightmares changed. After Charlie’s death, they had all been about watching his son die, but after Abydos the nightmares now forced him to relive the deaths of his men, Daniel, and the boys who were killed fighting Ra. He and Sarah got divorced, and he went into early retirement.

To everyone’s shock, retirement turned out to be the best possible thing for Jack.

While he was still clearly depressed, he improved in leaps and bounds. He put a lot of energy into himself and his mental state, and, a year later when General Hammond called him back to Cheyenne Mountain, he was almost unrecognizable as a different person.

Going back to Abydos and seeing Daniel, Sha’re, and Skaara and his boys living and thriving was also really good for him. After Skaara and Sha’re were taken, he went into another spiral, but forced himself out of it by telling himself that he had to get them back. Was this healthy? Probably not. Did he care. Definitely not.

He didn’t really want to rejoin the air force and the stargate program, but did it more to watch over Daniel and to rescue Skaara than anything else.

He did come to truly love it, though, and even though the circumstances that brought him back were horrible he was still grateful to be part of SG-1.

Teal’c

Most of the Goa’uld system lords saw their female Jaffa as little more than breeding partners to the males, to create more Jaffa soldiers to serve their “gods”, and incubators for the juvenile symbiotes that all Jaffa carried, and Apophis was no exception.

Teal’c was fairly young when her father died, executed by Cronus for failing him in battle. She had already been in training with her father and Bra’tac—female Jaffa were expected to know how to fight, even if they were never called upon to serve their overlords in this way—determined to break out of the traditional path expected of her as a woman. Her father’s death lit a new fire within her, however, and she attacked her training with a new fierceness that unnerved even Bra’tac a little. She vowed to someday become the first prime of Apophis, Cronus’s greatest enemy, so she would one day have the pleasure of killing the god that ordered her father’s death.

The only woman in Apophis’s ranks, she literally clawed her way to the top of his Jaffa.

The other warriors feared her and whispered horrible stories of her victories in battle behind her back.

These were greatly exaggerated, of course, but Teal’c did nothing to discourage them. She wanted the most fearsome reputation she could get.

She gained a reputation for bloodthirstiness, fierceness in battle, and an almost animalistic nature when she fought. This caught Apophis’s attention, and she earned his favor.

Drey’auc was a childhood friend, and one of the only people Teal’c ever trusted enough to show her softer side to.

When Drey’auc’s husband was killed in battle, Teal’c took her and her newborn son Rya’c under her protection.

Deep down (largely thanks to Bra’tac and her father) Teal’c never truly believed that the Goa’uld were actually gods. She wanted to become Apophis’s first prime more for the power and respect that came with the position, and in hopes of having the chance to kill Cronus, than to actually serve him.

There were a lot of things that happened over her years in service to Apophis, both before and after becoming first prime, that really cemented her belief that the “gods” she had been raised to believe in were false, but she didn’t dare voice this to anyone but Bra’tac—she never even tonld Drey’auc, beyond a few vague hints.

When she met Jack, Sam, and Daniel and heard Jack promise to save the other prisoners, she saw it as her best choice to finally rise up against the oppression of the Goa’uld and jumped at the chance to help the humans.

On Earth, she realized that the humans there would trust her and respect her without the bloodthirstiness she’d been forced to show to the other Jaffa, and slowly began to relax slightly.

Seeing the respect shown to Sam, Janet, and other women on the base was basically revolutionary to her.

Slowly, she began to relax and open up to her new friends.

She sees herself as a protecter to her team in particular, and even to the SGC as a whole. Daniel, Sam, Jack, and Janet specifically are the people she feels the most protective over.

As time goes on, she slowly accepts SG-1 as a newfound family. As far as she’s concerned, the three of them are the siblings she never had, and she would do anything to protect them.

Drey’auc’s death rocked her to the core and led to a lot of questioning.

She almost left the SGC to take care of Rya’c, but it was actually Bra’tac who convinced her to stay, telling her that the Tau’ri were their best chance to defeat the Goa’uld once and for all and promising to take care of Rya’c in her name.

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chuckling-chemist · 6 years ago

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A Milkshake for Two

((I needed to feel better so I wrote fluff. Specifically flustered dorks who can’t fucking spit it out and still won’t. There’s probably way too much dialogue. It happens. Also, if you did read the tailoring drabble I posted not long ago, this happens only a night or two before that fic. As such, they’re 14ish sweeps and this is considered ‘modern day’ in the scheme of things.))

“Pallia, please don't make such a fuss, it's unkind to your features.”

“Unkind? Careen if you're going to do everything you can to make sure your guests don't talk to me, don't act like it's ssssssome idiotic attempt at my appearance!” Pallia yelled. “The only reason I'm here anyway is because Mayola practically begged me.”

The few trolls walking into the room stopped. They didn't seem to know what to do. Pallia couldn't say she blamed them. When you're invited to a fancy formal ball, you don't expect one of the guests to end up in a screaming match with the other. In particular, you don't expect it in some dark green restingblock hiding in the back of the hive, away from everyone else.

Careen raised a perfectly plucked brow. “Oh? Are you absolutely certain you aren't chasing after someone else?” she asked. “One of your hivemates, perhaps?”

“Who?” Pallia asked. “Who am I, someone wholly uninterested in quadrants, chasing?”

Careen was silent as she crossed her arms over her violet corset-style top, glaring daggers. “We both know who I'm talking about.”

Pallia rolled her eyes. She did, it was true. And it hadn’t been the first time Careen accused her of seducing (could an asexual troll even seduce someone?) him and dragging him down. “Then tell Mayola I'm sssssorry I sssstill can't tolerate your presssence to help her get through thisssss fucking party.”

She didn't let Careen answer, instead marching out of the room, only stopping briefly to apologize to both Mayola and a goldblood in dark sunglasses (hiding his psionic to keep from being a battery) who Pallia actually spent the party with, that she was leaving early due to outlying circumstances. Mayola didn't buy it for a second, and it took some promising of meeting up later before heiress let her go. But at least she left it at that. Pallia was glad; this goldblood was interested in theoretically assisting with research, and she would happily accept a computer engineer on her team. She wasn't sure what he'd think about all this, and didn't particularly want to know.

From there, she found herself sitting alone in a back corner of a late-night Sandyhorn diner, furiously texting Aisral about the whole event.

Fucking Careen. She deserved... something. Something worse than Pallia occasionally yelling at her after Careen manages to go out of her way to ruin her night. This time, from Careen going out of her way to interrupt her rather pleasant conversation with the goldblood. He seemed massively uncomfortable by the whole thing, and Careen nearly made him stay as witness to “Pallia’s natural violent nature”. At least she managed to get him out before the blow up.

And most obnoxiously of all, she never blew up. Careen would become snide and condescending, but she didn't get angry the way Pallia was used to. She could deal with yelling and violence. But the constant treatment that she was a wiggler, talking over her and accusing her without any further explanation? It infuriated her like nothing else. She wasn't sure how anyone put up with it, much less people like Mayola or Dontoc -- the former who had to for political reasons and the latter who just….liked her. Somehow.

She sighed, rubbing her forehead as Aisral sent a flurry of furious messages. She knew why Dontoc liked her -- sort of. And logically it made sense. Isolation, social or otherwise, did things to a troll that society never wanted to acknowledge. Maybe if she were in the same position, repeatedly told she was a useless excuse of her caste for a good chunk of her life, she would have reacted similarly. But then again, wasn't she? Simultaneously, she always had Aisral and Dontoc….didn't. Not for a while, anyway. So she had no true frame of reference.

It certainly didn't help that Careen seemed absolutely convinced there was something going on between them for reasons that frankly made no sense. The two were friends, yes. And they lived together. And for Pallia to say Dontoc wasn't that geeky cute she preferred, or how charming he became once he relaxed, was a lie. That being said, the two barely even saw each other anymore, down to her not even seeing him at the whole ball. Or that their relationship lasted long enough to surpass the 3-4 sweep threshold in which losing interest was most likely. If anything, Careen should be less concerned now than she was sweeps ago, and yet she became more erratic and defensive with each passing sweep.

But, if she had to really reason it out, if she had to fill the red quadrant and didn’t use the moirallegiance to make it past pailing seasons, and if Dontoc were available, and if he were somehow okay with the whole asexual thing, he wouldn’t be a bad partner. He wouldn’t even just be a good partner. She’d have a matesprit who she could curl up and watch bad movies with, someone who went along with even the most seemingly inane of decisions (including the multiple times. She’d have a best friend for a matesprit. What could be better?

It was a shame their friendship put her back on Careen’s radar.

“Excuse me dear, is this seat taken?” a posh, distinctly familiar voice asked. Pallia jerked her head up, finding the tired smile of Dontoc standing at the end of the table. His hair looked just as messy as usual. Pallia didn't have the energy to say anything, she just waved him down. He slid down toward the end of the booth, the whites of his suit standing in stark contrast to the dark colors of the diner.

“Did Aisral text you?” she eventually asked.

“Actually this time you can blame Mayola. She made it her personal goal to find me and tell me you left,” he said. “I daresay no one has even realized I left.”

Pallia snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure at your anniversssary party they won’t noticssse you’re gone.”

“Careen certainly seemed extremely worked up and concerned with something I frankly held no interest in regarding Mayola. I highly doubt she will attempt to contact me tonight. But just in case-” He slid his hand into his pocket, revealing a violet phone covered in a light gray case. He pressed a few buttons and set it on the table, letting it vibrate harshly as the small legs curled into the blackened screen. “-I shall take the measures to ensure we are uninterrupted.”

Pallia smiled weakly. “Ssssshe’s angry at Mayola?”

Dontoc gave her a Cheshire cat grin. “Absolutely livid. I think she finally found out Mayola is taking this Heiress thing seriously.”

“Oh.” She exhaled, letting her shoulders droop for the first time since arriving. That took a weight off her. “Conssssidering she’s insssssissstent I’ve got ssssome kind of flusssssh crusssssh on you.” She groaned again and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ssssorry for the hissss. I know it’sss bad right now. Ssstill upssset.”

Dontoc blinked harshly several times, mouth opening and closing like a fish with his fins fluttering wildly in some kind of bizarre attempt at processing the information. Then, finally, he managed to squeak out, “Huh.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who’ssss confussssed,” she said. “Though I haven’t told Aissssral that yet. Will do ssssoon. Don’t worry I’m not gonna pussssh any of that on you.”

“Pallia, you so artfully avoid any conversation about Careen, I would truly be more worried if you did.” He frowned, gaze flickering down for a second before locking back onto her.

“You ssssay that asssss you bolt from the party to find me,” she pointed out.

He gave her a playful smirk. “Attempting to quiet Mayola does not count.”

“We both know that’s impossssssible.”

“Yes. It is. But if I do not attempt, then Aisral will certainly be upset, and she is still designing our costumes for Night of Frights. It would be dreadful of her to burn it two months before the date.” He quirked an eyebrow. “By the way, do you still wish to attend? I understand wishing to back out.”

Pallia crossed her arms. “Oh no. We’ve had thessse plans ssssince we ssstarted lissstening. I’m not backing out because of one bad night.”

“Should I be worried about your inclination to play an evil scientist working with the horrorterrors?” he asked dryly.

“At this rate, I’d file it under a possssibility,” she muttered.

Another smirk, one that she mirrored right back, however pitifully. Joking always put her in a better mood. “I feel like this should be nipped in the bud before it becomes a problem.”

“And how are you going to do that? Cassssst Allies?”

“Perhaps.” She watched as he craned his neck around to observe the empty room around them. As he stood up, he gave her a slight bow and added, “But I think I have a better idea.”

She cocked her head in confusion, mouth open to ask, but he was gone before any words could form. She watched as he approached the counter toward the same peppy brownblood that seated her not long ago. He glanced over at the table and waved shyly Pallia’s gaze dropped to the phone underneath the table, heat pooling to her face and down her neck.

“Sssstop letting Careen messsss with your nucleon,” she muttered. It’s just Dontoc. A troll who she had known for a solid four sweeps now. A troll who ducked out of more important events to spend time with her (like now), willingly went along all the times she wanted to drag him out of the hive, curled up in her lap like a purrbeast (and she had done the same), and happily assisted in experiments that went on far longer than they should have. The same troll who went out of her way to find her in a diner after she stormed out all because Mayola tipped him off. But that ignored their large caste difference...among other things.

Careen was looking for reasons to get hate her. That’s all.

She didn’t look back up until she heard his voice again. “Consider it a gift.”

“Consider wh--oh.” On the table next to her was a tall chocolate milkshake, whip cream and all. “Dontoc you really didn’t have to.”

“You looked miserable when I arrived. Truly the least I could do.” With an chuckle, he added, “However, of course I desired one myself.”

She sighed, leaning back in her chair. He wasn’t wrong: even with the joking, she felt miserable. Mentally she might have calmed, but she could still feel the blood rush through her body, putting everything on edge. Her throat still felt choked up, and she was afraid any minute she might end up crying, even his cheery tone. “You didn’t get one.”

He grinned and stuck a second straw into the milkshake. “Yes, I did.”

And there it was again. That creeping heat on her neck that froze her brain faster than the milkshake ever could. Granted, he must have been doing something right. The anger she felt over the whole situation froze with the rest of her thoughts, replacing it with...something else she couldn’t quite pinpoint. She propped herself up in in her chair to take a long sip from the milkshake, hoping to steady her racing thoughts. The milkshake was helping, if only as a proper distraction to whatever growing situation was at hand.

“Well you’ll have to hurry up or else it’ll be gone,” she eventually said. It was all that could come to her head. The rest was replaced with some awful combination of dissipating irritation and growing nervousness.

“I will be fair, I was not sure you would be okay with me drinking at the same time as you,” he admitted. “You seem ah…”

“Anxious?” She pushed the milkshake closer to him, forcing her to rest her lean over more. Her arms laid flat on the table as her hands wrapped around the bottom of the frosted glass. “It’s better than angry.”

“Not angry is good. Anxious is not.” He took the second straw and took a short sip. “We do not need two of me running around, I feel.”

“You’re doing fine right now for some reason,” she said.

“Oh trust me Pallia, I am still a complete mess of nerves at all points in this discussion.” He smiled sheepishly and placed his cool hands over Pallia’s on the glass, telltale tremors of nervousness not stopping until his hand completely overlapped. She shuddered the minute they touched, but whether it was because of the temperature difference or something else she wasn’t sure. “I have simply gotten better at hiding it vocally.”

Her gaze dropped back down to the table, glasses sliding down her face. She wanted to push them back up her nose, but simultaneously didn’t want to move. This was pleasant. Nerve-wracking, but...pleasant. If that were possible. “I dunno, you’re not generally so bold as to try to hold my hand in public unless we’re playing it up to get highbloods to back off.” She took another long drink. “...Are we?”

His fins fluttered. “Ah...no. But you’re are lower in caste, and as such your hands are pleasantly warm.”

“So you were looking for an excuse.”

Dontoc laughed before taking another sip. Between the two of them (or well, Pallia with a smidgen of assistance), the milkshake had almost disappeared in the short amount of time they sat down together. “It is chilly outside.”

“Says the troll who is drinking a chocolate frozen moobeast drink with me in a cold diner and admitted he wanted one himself,” she said lightly. “If you want physical contact you can just tell me.”

He smiled shyly. “Do you?” He paused, and expression, fins and all, dropped. “I can stop if I am making you uncomfortable. I...well, I know you have your preferences about being touched.”

Pallia bit her lip. She was far from uncomfortable. Really, the fact that this wasn’t bothering her in the slightest worried her more at this point. It was one thing to do this in the privacy of their own hive, where only Aisral could make quips towards them. It was another to have their faces sit inches away from each other, sharing a milkshake like matesprits.

God this is weird.

She must’ve been silent for longer than she thought. In an instant, he pulled everything away completely. He didn’t break his gaze - not completely anyway, as Dontoc seemed more focused on some spot above her than her - but his fins certainly flapped hard enough she could feel the wind. “I ah...sorry. I am afraid I must have gotten carried away in my attempt at bringing your attention away from--”

She reached over to take his hand on instinct before it retracted under the table. “No you’re fine! Honesssst!”

“Are you sure? I do not want to continue if you--”

She rolled her eyes. “Dontoc, you know me. I’m more than happy to tell you I want you to sssstop.” She gave him a warm smile. “But I get why you’d be freaked out. We haven’t exactly...uh…”

He nodded and ran his free hand through his hair. “No, I understand. Though ah...if you would prefer dear, we could possibly call it and go home.”

Pallia cocked her head. “You’re not going back to the party?”

“Yes, because I shall have fun with strangers more than with a dear friend.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “Will you be okay? About everything with well-” he gestured vaguely in the air “-Careen?”

“Hopefully. If she’s more angry at Mayola right now, then I might not have to deal with her.”

Dontoc hummed and shoved his hand in his pocket. Had it always sounded so pleasant when he did that? She knew she enjoyed it, but more than that she enjoyed what it came with: long conversations with lots of back and forth. But this is the first time anything made her feel effervescent for the first time in hours. Or maybe he always did it to her, and she only just now noticed. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

Her thoughts broke when he took her free hand again, sliding a cool piece of silk. She looked down to see the barest hint of what looked like a violet handkerchief. His handkerchief. “Take this,” he said. He sounded closer. He was closer. Back to the same closeness as with the milkshake. Close enough the seadweller chill combined with those fins made her shiver. “It should serve as a reminder.”

Pallia looked at him quizzically. “For…”

He sighed. “A reminder to Careen of our relationship. But also…” he trailed off for a second to trace a circle into Pallia’s hand. His face pointed toward the floor as he spoke, but she could still see those damned fins vibrate, “in the off chance something happens and we must part, I wanted you to have something tangible to remember me by, since you have given me much in that regard, and I...ah, not so much.”

She flushed, pulse racing. It’s just Dontoc, she told herself. Your friend with a pretty voice and face and is doing a really good job making me feel bashful for no good reason, but a friend. After all, why would you only feel flushed after 4 sweeps? Who does that?

“I’m not sure 12th Perigee gifts count for that.”

“I feel they do.” He looked back up at her, sheepish smile sending butterflies to her stomach for reasons that it absolutely shouldn’t have. “And well, and even then this is hardly much of anything. However,

Okay. Maybe she did have a flush crush.

That’s not good.

She looked at the table. A free finger traced the handkerchief. The increased tangling of their fingers was a secondary, but not unwelcome, effect. She sighed softly, but for due to the former or latter reason she wasn’t sure. “No, this is perfect.” She grinned, hoping it hid the growing awkwardness she felt. “Thanks.”

He laughed quietly. “I’m glad. You deserve something you love.”

They stood there in the quiet evening of the diner for a moment before Pallia finally separated to step away from the table. “If we don’t leave soon, it’ll be daylight.”

“Hm. You’re right.” He grabbed his phone and followed suit, standing next to her with a worried frown. “Erm, Pallia...do you mind if I fix something?”

She blinked owlishly at him. “Uh...sure.”

He snickered and pushed up her glasses. “It was starting to bother me.”

Pallia blinked harshly, letting out a small squeak when his hand came up. With everything else, she completely forgot they fell. “Oh, yeah. Guess they did. Thanks.”

His fins twitched in a perfect compliment to his tinted cheeks. “I-I mean, you look fine either way. I just ah, thought you might like to see better.”

“I would, yeah.” She giggled and leaned into him. He wrapped an arm around her upper back, just past her shoulders. “Makes getting home easier.”

His hand gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “I would hope,” he said pleasantly. “But come on, let’s go home.”

She leaned her head on his arm. Careen might have been right (for once). She did actually have a crush on Dontoc, and there was nothing either party could do much about. But that’s okay. She’d just take a break from him. Let the feelings simmer down. Maybe even dissipate.

Or maybe it wouldn’t. But she’d solve that later on.

“Yeah. Let’s.”

((Support me on Ko-Fi!))

#fantroll #fantrolls #homestuck #hiveswap #fanfiction #it starts pretty negative but after that it's dorks flirting #dontoc #pallia #some careen #best paired with Modern English's Melt with You #or Postal Service's Such Great Heights #my writing

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inkyardpress · 7 years ago

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10 YA Reads That Have Us Loving the Skin We’re In

There are so many diverse and empowering new reads out there totally flooding our TBR that we couldn’t pick just one of our current obsessions to share—so here’s a list of ten we can’t stop talking about. From kick-ass queer anthologies to MC’s who totally get what it’s like living with anxiety, from the body-positive heroes we deserve to the everyday teens showing us how to be true to who we are inside, these books have us feeling ourselves and celebrating our individuality.

Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now by Dana L. Davis

For sixteen-year-old Tiffany Sly, life hasn't been safe or normal for a while. Losing her mom to cancer has her a little bit traumatized, and now she has to leave her hometown of Chicago to live with the biological dad she's never known.

Anthony Stone is a rich man with four other daughters—and rules for every second of the day. Tiffany tries to make the best of things, but she doesn't fit into her new luxurious, but super-strict, home—or get along with her standoffish sister London. The only thing that makes her new life even remotely bearable is the strange boy across the street. Marcus McKinney has had his own experiences with death, and the unexpected friendship that blossoms between them is the only thing that makes her feel grounded.

But Tiffany has a secret. Another man claims he's Tiffany's real dad—and she has only seven days before he shows up to demand a paternity test and the truth comes out. With her life about to fall apart all over again, Tiffany finds herself discovering unexpected truths about her father, her mother and herself, and realizing that maybe family is in the bonds you make—and that life means sometimes taking risks.

Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Puddin’ by Julie Murphy

Millie Michalchuk has gone to fat camp every year since she was a little girl. Not this year. This year she has new plans to chase her secret dream of being a newscaster—and to kiss the boy she’s crushing on.

Callie Reyes is the pretty girl who is next in line for dance team captain and has the popular boyfriend. But when it comes to other girls, she’s more frenemy than friend.

When circumstances bring the girls together over the course of a semester, they surprise everyone (especially themselves) by realizing that they might have more in common than they ever imagined.

Puddin’ is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Fat Girl on a Plane by Kelly DeVos

FAT.

High school senior Cookie Vonn’s postgraduation dreams include getting out of Phoenix, attending Parsons and becoming the next great fashion designer. But in the world of fashion, being fat is a cardinal sin. It doesn’t help that she’s constantly compared to her supermodel mother—and named after a dessert. Thanks to her job at a fashion blog, Cookie scores a trip to New York to pitch her portfolio and appeal for a scholarship, but her plans are put on standby when she’s declared too fat to fly. Forced to turn to her BFF for cash, Cookie buys a second seat on the plane. She arrives in the city to find that she’s been replaced by the boss’s daughter, a girl who’s everything she’s not—ultrathin and superrich. Bowing to society’s pressure, she vows to lose weight, get out of the friend zone with her crush and put her life on track.

SKINNY.

Cookie expected sunshine and rainbows, but nothing about her new life is turning out like she planned. When the fashion designer of the moment offers her what she’s always wanted—an opportunity to live and study in New York—she finds herself in a world full of people more interested in putting women down than dressing them up. Her designs make waves, but her real dream of creating great clothes for people of all sizes seems to grow more distant by the day.

Will she realize that she’s always had the power to make her own dreams come true?

Fat Girl on a Plane is out June 5th. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson

Mila Flores and her best friend Riley have always been inseparable. There's not much excitement in their small town of Cross Creek, so Mila and Riley make their own fun, devoting most of their time to Riley's favorite activity: amateur witchcraft.

So when Riley and two Fairmont Academy mean girls die under suspicious circumstances, Mila refuses to believe everyone's explanation that her BFF was involved in a suicide pact. Instead, armed with a tube of lip gloss and an ancient grimoire, Mila does the unthinkable to uncover the truth: she brings the girls back to life.

Unfortunately, Riley, June, and Dayton have no recollection of their murders, but they do have unfinished business to attend to. Now, with only seven days until the spell wears off and the girls return to their graves, Mila must wrangle the distracted group of undead teens and work fast to discover their murderer...before the killer strikes again.

Undead Girl Gang is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages edited by Saundra Mitchell

Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens.

From a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood set in war-torn 1870s Mexico featuring a transgender soldier, to two girls falling in love while mourning the death of Kurt Cobain, forbidden love in a sixteenth-century Spanish convent or an asexual girl discovering her identity amid the 1970s roller-disco scene, All Out tells a diverse range of stories across cultures, time periods and identities, shedding light on an area of history often ignored or forgotten.

All Out is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Runebinder by Alex R. Kahler

When magic returned to the world, it could have saved humanity, but greed and thirst for power caused mankind's downfall instead. Now once-human monsters called Howls prowl abandoned streets, their hunger guided by corrupt necromancers and the all-powerful Kin. Only Hunters have the power to fight back in the unending war, using the same magic that ended civilization in the first place.

But they are losing.

Tenn is a Hunter, resigned to fight even though hope is nearly lost. When he is singled out by a seductive Kin named Tomás and the enigmatic Hunter Jarrett, Tenn realizes he’s become a pawn in a bigger game. One that could turn the tides of war. But if his mutinous magic and wayward heart get in the way, his power might not be used in favor of mankind.

If Tenn fails to play his part, it could cost him his friends, his life…and the entire world.

Runebinder is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

A Thousand Beginnings and Endings edited by Ellen Oh and Elsie Chapman

Star-crossed lovers, meddling immortals, feigned identities, battles of wits, and dire warnings. These are the stuff of fairy tale, myth, and folklore that have drawn us in for centuries.

Fifteen bestselling and acclaimed authors reimagine the folklore and mythology of East and South Asia in short stories that are by turns enchanting, heartbreaking, romantic, and passionate.

A mountain loses her heart. Two sisters transform into birds to escape captivity. A young man learns the true meaning of sacrifice. A young woman takes up her mother’s mantle and leads the dead to their final resting place. From fantasy to science fiction to contemporary, from romance to tales of revenge, these stories will beguile readers from start to finish.

A Thousand Beginnings and Endings is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

The Diminished by Kaitlyn Sage Patterson

In the Alskad Empire, nearly all are born with a twin, two halves to form one whole…yet some face the world alone.

A rare few are singleborn in each generation, and therefore given the right to rule by the gods and goddesses. Bo Trousillion is one of these few, born into the royal line and destined to rule. Though he has been chosen to succeed his great-aunt, Queen Runa, as the leader of the Alskad Empire, Bo has never felt equal to the grand future before him.

When one twin dies, the other usually follows, unable to face the world without their other half. Those who survive are considered diminished, doomed to succumb to the violent grief that inevitably destroys everyone whose twin has died. Such is the fate of Vi Abernathy, whose twin sister died in infancy. Raised by the anchorites of the temple after her family cast her off, Vi has spent her whole life scheming for a way to escape and live out what’s left of her life in peace.

As their sixteenth birthdays approach, Bo and Vi face very different futures—one a life of luxury as the heir to the throne, the other years of backbreaking work as a temple servant. But a long-held secret and the fate of the empire are destined to bring them together in a way they never could have imagined.

The Diminished is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Emergency Contact by Mary H. K. Choi

For Penny Lee high school was a total nonevent. Her friends were okay, her grades were fine, and while she somehow managed to land a boyfriend, he doesn’t actually know anything about her. When Penny heads to college in Austin, Texas, to learn how to become a writer, it’s seventy-nine miles and a zillion light years away from everything she can’t wait to leave behind.

Sam’s stuck. Literally, figuratively, emotionally, financially. He works at a café and sleeps there too, on a mattress on the floor of an empty storage room upstairs. He knows that this is the god-awful chapter of his life that will serve as inspiration for when he’s a famous movie director but right this second the seventeen bucks in his checking account and his dying laptop are really testing him.

When Sam and Penny cross paths it’s less meet-cute and more a collision of unbearable awkwardness. Still, they swap numbers and stay in touch—via text—and soon become digitally inseparable, sharing their deepest anxieties and secret dreams without the humiliating weirdness of having to see each other.

Emergency Contact is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Someone to Love by Melissa de la Cruz

Olivia "Liv" Blakely knows how important it is to look good. Her father is running for governor, and Liv will be making public appearances with her family. Liv has an image to uphold—to her maybe boyfriend, to the new friends who suddenly welcome her into their circle and to the public, who love to find fault on social media.

Liv's sunny, charming facade hides a dark inner voice that will settle for nothing less than perfection. No matter who she has to give up to get there. No matter what she has to lose to do it. Liv is working for the day when what she sees in the mirror is worthy…worthy of confidence. Worthy of success. Worthy of love. But as the high price of perfection takes a toll, placing her body and soul at risk, Liv herself has to realize what she has to live for.

Someone to Love is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

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#YA Books #YA Reads #self esteem #bookworm #Harlequin Teen

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thegurlbehindthesmile · 4 years ago

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Head Storm.

If i don't take minute to write these things down they just weigh so heavy. where do i begin.

i'm frustrated.

sometimes its like a repeating nightmare. Its me and brian and we are on a 13 hour flight to Germany. this double decker plane is huge and filled with strangers and i cant see their faces. i know our destination is a long way away. im tired. and there we are in the middle row. u next to me and me on the isle. We're sharing your blue ipod with music i never really listen to and this is the moment im stuck in.

for a minute my body goes into drive. at first you think the dream would play out as i remember, but this isnt a memory its a dream and now that im more aware- more awake within the dream; im always asking myself.

why am i here? wheres juan? wheres julian? (thats right this is a dream/ im sleeping)

and i realize im meant to doo something. and i go and look at brian and its not the same. i can barely see his face and i no longer remeber the sound of his voice. its as if im stuck in my seat.

the dream is almost paused- as i struggle to put these pieces of the real memory back together. its like im waiting. im waiting for brian to speak first. im just sitting here. on this plane.

i went to russia in 2005. the trip was from philly airport to germany than germany to russia.

it was for a youth peace team mission. we met up with kids our age over there and talked about religion and life. it wasnt just us two- we had a team of our friends and it was amazing.

It was the first time i had left the country- it was the first time i had flown without my mom. first time i felt homesick. the first time i saw how big the world really is. how there is so much to see and so much going on. it was an experience.

i never knew Demisexual was a thing. (The term 'demisexual' comes from the concept being described as being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. ... The gray-A spectrum usually includes individuals who very rarely experience sexual attraction; they experience it only under specific circumstances.)

i didnt even know what sexual was- i was young naive and anything i did know about sex and beauty most likely came from the wrong place. i managed to get all the way to freshman year of highschool without really relationships that included sexual and non sexual.

freshman year was horrible. i was the new girl becuase i didnt attend the same middle school as the other kids and my prior school was MUCH smaller than the highschool i went to. but i was excited for the change. i asked for the change.

its easy to say "well idk?" when u have lack of experience. Idk why i was single so long. idk why i never wanted a bf. idk why i have never kissed anyone idk? idk? idk? (...now i know) my first thoughts were always like omg maybe noone wanted to kiss me? maybe im the weird one. less desired. not wanted. i was the problem. i imagined my body was less than perfect and i guess my attitude and demenor wasnt the dating type (lies) i just felt weird and alone.

sometimes people cant make a sexual connection unless they have an emotional connection with someone as well. it isnt prude it isnt wierd its just how it works (literally) the better and more i get to know you i can finally start feeling any real connection at all especially sexually.

this new demisexual wasnt even a thing until i was half way through my twenties...THAT and pansexual (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.) people would ask "well whats ur type?!" idk id say?? i didnt even realize internally i found both sexs appealing. not even just sexs just ANYone. hearts not parts we say now.

i was basiclly lost ,frustrated and didnt understand a damn thing about myself.

brian and i were friends. we went to the same church- we lived in the same town. our families knew each other. it was a very safe space for me. i didnt think brian liked me. ( i didnt think ANYONE liked me; that way anyway) i had guy friends i had girl friends i just felt like we were all at the same level. most my girl friends had kissed people, most had bfs; same with the guys. i just didnt... it wasnt that i didnt like brian- i just had no idea what any of this stuff was. how to even begin "liking someone" i wasnt stupid - i was scared? i felt scared. worried that becase i hadnt had the experiences - that i wasnt good at ANY of it. i got to know brian because he was around. youth group trips and church events ; school- we were always hanging around each other.

i was never a physical person. honestly self pleasure was the only pleasure i knew and i thought id be going to hell for masturbating so theres that complex. a secret i held tight forever.

i didnt know the more i talked and was around brian i would fall inlove with him. people SAYYY that- but in my world it was a must. it was inevitable. as long as he was open with me and vulnerable- i began to want him.

he was my first kiss. and he let me kiss him. it might of seemed innocent ( i mean it was really) but it was big for me. the only person in the world i had let in. and he was ready to reak havoc on my new world. kisses lead to make outs- making out lead to sex- and that was that. id say i was his or he was mine but i guess we were each others. i wasnt ready to do this with anyone else. i didnt think i even could. it took so long for brian to become this person for me. i was..postive; id make this love last a life time. but that wasnt the case it was a rocky 3 years but at the end of it i personally learned alot.

i still didnt know all that i said above. on my rocky one relationship road... i was frustrated. i didnt know these things existed and while life seemed easy for brian- it was not for me. i struggled and argued with myself resulting in very poor communication with brian leading to only end in sight. if i wasnt making an emotional connection with my person then it had to be the opposite; i wasnt interested at all. almost the opposite- i felt nothing.

i let the hurt find its way in- i let it block any form of fix. the emotions were turned off. and the result was sexless.

i went on a rampage and found a random lover. Peter was ..peter. i didnt know him prior to meeting him- i barely knew much about him at all. all i knew was i was numb and needed to feel again. ( now if only i had known who i was i would of tried to build and talk through these emotions, break some walls down. reopen the lines. reconnect and succeed. but i didnt know that. all i knew was i was hurting and i nolonger had my person- i wanted to feel again.) i wouldnt even say i was attracted to peter. i really wasnt "looking" at all. i wasnt looking with my eyes or my heart.

i was already pretty good at hurting myself just plain jane. but this was a whole different world. what if i could just have sex and not care. just do it and live. just feel something. and i did it. i found peter and yeah we had sex. i was postive i didnt want a relationship ( i was heading down the wrong road in the wrong direction WITH no directions) it was a mess. a mess that didnt last long (thankfully)

i look back at it now and would like to have lunch with peter. although im sure im a spek of nothing in his life stream; he was a pretty big rock in mine. mainly to say sorry. sorry for using him. more sorry that i had no intentions at all. i was a shell of person and im sorry he never got the chance to meet the true me. cuz im not that person at all. and i think he was geniune and we could of learned alot from each other.

i am 30 years old now and still to this day brian and peter are the only people ive slept with except my current husband.

ive trusted 2 (brian and juan) of those souls with my heart. my whole heart. ive been with them to the extent i lost myself. my body has craved them and known them. and they will forever have a piece of me. they took with them what insecurities i had and threw them out the window. i was engulfed and loved and it didnt stop. i had alot of sex with brian as i currently have alot of sex with juan (my husband)

if i had known who i was then i would of talked to more people. resulting in more meaningful connections. resulting in more stories and experiences to tell about. girls guys gays all different kinds of souls i would of touched and danced with. but i didnt know what i know now.

time has given me the learning ive neeeded and now i know alot.

as my nightmare continues its me and brian sitting on a 13 hour plane. i want to ask him how he is, and what hes doing. what other souls hes experienced and what life is like for him now. we would laugh and joke and unerstand that life goes on and although we are not lovers any longer we wouldnt be who we are without having known each other. on this plane its noone but us. reality doesnt hit because its just a distraction and we just want to catch up.

its like a clock is ticking and were anxious. as if he too knows this is a dream, a mear astroprojection into a memory. and noone talks. we both stay silent. its almost like i cant breathe.. its almost like im drowning.

i havent spoken to brian in atleast 10 years possibly. not a single word. across the universe is a soul i once loved wholefully and now were strangers. i think a piece of me hurts still today. like a lost limb. how can i go through life and succeed at only making connections that count when my first connection is fried and dead.

how do i begin to process the things i now understand when one small piece of me is gravitating through space.

i was told not to long ago that you are infact alive. simply living- trying to stay to urself.

as this new person i am. as i am learning and growing. you were a big part of who i was- i wish u could see who ive become. my soul acknowledges your absence and i am aware of it.

i hope love and light find you on ur dark days. and that you follow that light to become whoever you are meant to be.

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collidingxworlds · 4 years ago

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Muse: Sara

{𝓑𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓼}

Name: Sara Lance Alias: The Canary, White Canary, Black Canary, Paragon of Destiny, Ta-er al-Sahfer Gender: Female Age: 30-35 / verse dependant Species: Human Zodiac: aquarius / aries / cancer / capricorn / gemini / leo / libra / pisces / sagittarius / scorpio / taurus / virgo / unknown Abilities/Talents: Peak of human physical condition, Acrobatics/Free-running, Honed senses, Master hand-to-hand combatant and Martial artist, master swordswoman, master bo-staff/stick fighter, master knife wielder/thrower, expert markswoman, expert tactician, expert driver, expert thief, master interrogator/torturer, good medical knowledge and toxicology, escape artist, talented dancer, high tolerance for pain.

{𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵}

Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true Religion: Agnostic. Sins: envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath Virtues: charity / chastity / diligence / humility / justice / kindness / patience Languages: fluent in English, Mandarin, Arabic,Tibetan. Family: Dinah Laurel Lance (older sister, deceased), Quentin Lance (father, alive), Dinah Lance (mother, alive), Tommy Merlin (brother-in-law, alive) Friends: Team Arrow, the Legends, Nyssa Al-Ghul (former lover), Team Flash, Team Supergirl, others (verse dependant) Sexual Orientation: heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / other Relationship status: single (verse dependant) / dating (verse dependant) / married / widowed / open relationship / other Libido: sex god / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent /

{𝓟𝓱𝔂𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓵}

Build: twig / bony / slender / average / athletic / curvy / chubby / obese Hair: white / blonde / brunette / red / black / other Eyes: brown / blue / green / black / other Skin: pale / fair / olive / light brown / brown / very brown / other Height: under 3 foot / 3-4 foot / 4-5 foot / 5-6 foot / 6-7 foot / above 7 foot Weight: under 100 pounds /100-150 pounds / 150-200 pounds / 200-250 pounds / above 250 pounds Scars: Sara has several scars, mostly on her arms and torso, most of them gained during her fights. The oldest ones are from her time in the League. Facial Features: Sara has elegant but cutting features and one hell of a poker face when she wants to. Even her eyes give away very little under most circumstances. Tattoos: None.

{𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮}

Dogs or Cats? Birds or Hamsters? Snakes or Spiders? Red or Blue? Yellow or Green? Black or White? Coffee or Tea? Ice Cream or Cake? Fruits or Vegetables? Sandwich or Soup? Magic or Melee? Sword or Bow? Summer or Winter? Spring or Autumn? The Past or The Future?

tagged by: @blizzardmuses (( Thank you, Bea <3 )) tagging: @xstabcastx (Ava) & whoever wants to steal it ! (tag me if you do)

#The White Canary ::about ; Sara::#* the power to change our fate * ::HCs ; Sara::

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trippz2ill2ace8itout · 4 years ago

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🔥🔥🥀🥀Hey xx my name is Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez, and I am a drug addicted alcoholic with 2 years clean! I’m 22. I have 20 mental illnesses I know rock bottom, hell, trauma , pain, and darkness from top to bottom x I’ve been homeless 13 times, 215 mental hospitals , Trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018.

Here's a list of my doctors diagnoses (they were actually diagnosed , DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE)

•Bipolar, Schizo-affective, PTSD

OCD , ODD, ADHD, anxiety , depression

Insomnia , autism, anorexia

Attachment disorder , narcolepsy

Borderline personality , multiple personality. Dissociative identity fugue

Critically/clinically insane

Tardive Dyskinesia, body dyamorphia

Dissociative Amnesia

Depersonalization/derealization disorder

Intermittent Explosive disorder

Severe Brain Damage

🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙

🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic x This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Been In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. And boarding cares , no home from 2011-2018 Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth x Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls.

a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤

🔥🔥every day and night I deal with

20 mental illnesses

Vivid flashbacks 24/7 of the trauma that occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018

40-80 mental breakdowns all day and night

Not being able to aak for help cuz since I've been in 215 mental hospitals the next time I go I'm going to a state institution

Michael Alvarado Alvaro (my main demon) constantly tortures me

No options cuz: I've been in over 100 treatment centers none will take me back

Been on all medications (dosages, types, combinations)

Being the most high maintenance mental health case in the system of California

My dog slowly dying

My mom being constantly sick

Feeling like I dont belong anywhere

My psyical health is getting worse

-feeling weak

-blacking and passing out

-throwing up

-body aches

-memory loss

-constant headaches, stomach pains , nausea, soar throat , body numb

Narcolepsy

-ear aches , my whole body aching Sinusitis

Being overly sensitive / wanting to save the universe and everyone in it

Fear of telling people I'm not OK cuz:

I feel like a burden

It's the same thing over and over again

It gets tiring

I feel like my existinese is a waste

Being literally possessed by my demons

Being autistic

Not eating and not sleeping

Wanting to hurt myself

Wanting to end it

Wanting to escape

My family doesnt want me home

They would be better off without me

Constantly missing my un biological son Anthony

Hearing my torturours in my head

This is not for pity or sympathy

I'm trying.

Im here for all of u . My 2nd Number: 951-460-8418

Suicide Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Also u can text 711-711

Don't give up , u matter x 🔥🔥

60-80 mental breakdowns a day vivid flashbacks every day _ nightmares every night. Being a recovering drug addict/alcoholic.

215 mental hospitals, 3 foster homes, 2 were extremely abusive. , bouncing from unlocked, locked, short and long term treatment centers, group homes, rehab, residential, crisis centers, homeless 13 times. Shelters, most of my life I've been literally tortured, raped, abused, sold, drugged up, I sold myself/prostituted, got tortured and abused in every way possible. Sold drugs to get money to raise Anthony "Lil Toni" Castillo-Martinez (why I have the last name Martinez) who I met in one of the abusive foster homes and raised him as my own. Kimberly M. Olivarez was my deceased ex fiance, she made a false accusation that I gave Anthony drugs (not true at all) , CPS took him away. Kim tortured and abused me in any way possible. She called 60+ people every day and night to abuse, rape, torture , almost kill me. I have attempted suicide over 100+ times, my "dad" who I don't consider my dad abused me in anyway possible from age 4 till he died in 2011. I've been abused by several more people. I have been on every single medication for mental health, every dosage, combination, type. In every sort of treatment. They are trying to concerve me again, last time I talked to my therapist, doctor , treatment team etc they said my next admittion to the mental hospital they are gonna send me away to a state institution. Last time they concerved me I was past my 52/50 and I was at this one hospital, I was there for a few months I can't remember, they had a hearing then they took me to court. I already got my criminal record when I was under 18, they cleared it. I lied to the judge and then later on they took me off concerveraship . so let's say I'm suicidal , unsafe, I can't tell anyone cuz of what I just mentioned. When I was 12 years old I for sent to a level 14 (higher level of care) mental health, addiction, behavioral treatment center for over a year. They couldn't even handle me and they were tryna send me to a higher level of care, but that was the highest level of care. The state of California named me "the most high maitence mental health case in the system" from 2011-2018 I had no home. From 2001-2018 there was trauma occurring 24/7. My soberiety date is 9•18•2018. I have a name for myself from several people. Over 200. Have told me I "help everyone obsessively" I get told to put myself first but that ain't ever gonna happen. I don't trust people, I'm extremely sensitive and I can't take confrontation without me breaking down. I don't date at all cuz of the many traumas. I'm a bi-romantic asexual. I'm 22 and I've always been a female. I accept all of u for who u are, no matter what race, color, sexuality, illness, circumstances ur in, etc etc. I can name more, I accept everybody. Everybody needs somebody , we deserve care, love, help , support, acceptance, appreciation, etc etc. U don't kno someone's story, what they have been and/or currently going thru. U matter, ur existence is a huge blessing to this universe. U are doing the best u can and I'm proud of u. There's more but its 2am and my meds are kicking in. Don't judge anybody. I appreciate all of u and I'm here for u. -- Izzy M. Martinez🌹🌺🌷🔥

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vicioushyperbolizer · 8 years ago

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Im love that last nurseydex fic w ace Dex and was wondering if maybe i could prompt smth where they talk about Dex's intrusive thoughts and he maybe gets help for them (if he has anxiety or anything say) and Nursey being supportive and Dex tryna thank him by being romantic? No pressure to write though!

Okay, for the record, obviously you don’t have to be sex averse to be ace. In my head, Dex isn’t. it’s a conversation he and Nursey will have at a later date. Cut for length and not content

“Jesus, Poindexter, how long are you gonna be in there? I though-”

Nursey’s voice trailed off as he pushed his way into their shared bathroom. The second Dex heard the door squeak open, he grabbed for the first thing he could reach to cover himself, which ended up being the dirty shirt he took off before his shower.

Dex knew how it looked, he fucking knew. Naked and still dripping, alone in the bathroom, flushed in embarrassment, ashamed and hiding. It looked like…

“Were you masturbating?” Nursey looked horrified, but Dex couldn’t really tell if it was because he spoke without thinking or because of the way his voice cracked in the middle.

That. It looked like fucking that.

Dex tightened his grip on the shirt in front of his junk. “No! No, i wasn’t fucking… masturbating.”

“It’s chill if you were,” Nursey hastened. “We never really talked about, y’know… that. And if you do, that’s fine. Good even! I’m not really one to talk, because I do it a lot. Regularly, even.”

Nursey was rambling. Which was just fucking weird for Dex to hear. He had never seen his boyfriend so awkward and… nervous. It made something nasty twist inside Dex. He had caused that; it was his fault.

“Nursey. Please stop talking. I wasn’t, okay.”

Dex could tell Nursey didn’t believe him. He sighed and scrubbed his free hand down his face, wiping away stray water droplets that had rolled down from his hair. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but he would do a lot of things for Nursey that he didn’t want to do. Hell, he would probably chop off his own fucking leg if Nursey asked.

“Look, you know how I’ve been going to that study group early Thursday mornings? Well, I’ve actually been… going to the counselling center, okay? And the counsellor person thought that I should do this stupid self love affirmation crap. Look in a mirror and tell myself nice shit. That’s what i was doing, okay?”

Nursey’s face flashed from confused to hurt before it finally settled on neutral. Somehow, the neutral almost hurt worse than anything else. It had been months since Nursey defaulted to that stupid fake chill bullshit with him.

“That’s cool, Will. It’s really awesome that you’re going to the counselling center.” His voice was just as blank as his face.

Dex wanted to explain that he hadn’t told Nursey because he didn’t want to get his boyfriend’s hopes up that htis was something he was going to stick to. He made the first appointment without any plans of actually going, and the same for the second, and the third. By the time it was a regualr thing, he didn’t have an explaination as to why he hid it from Nursey in the first place.

He wanted to explain that he was doing this for Nursey, that he understood his anger and emotions were getting in between them. For maybe the first time ever, Dex would rather change himself than lose someone else, and he wanted Nursey to know just how important that made him.

He desperately wanted to explain that he loved Nursey so much it scared him, and that he would do anything in his power to never be the reason that Nursey was wearing that fake chill face and that tension in his shoulders. Even embarrassing shit that made him feel stupid.

With a sigh, he reached out and grabbed Nursey’s hand. “Why don’t you stay and watch?”

Nursey thought about it for a minute, the longest goddamn minute of Dex’s life. In the end, though, he nodded and sat down on the closed toilet lid.

Dex grabbed the sheet of paper that had fluttered to the floor in the earlier chaos of trying to cover himself. He waved it a little, so that Nursey could see the chicken scratch scribbled on the front.

“Any time I have an intrusive thought or, y’know, think negative things about myself, I write it down. And then I come in here and tell myself the truth, or the opposite or whatever. Every few days, or if it gets too long.”

Nursey nodded. “And the naked thing?”

“I kept getting distracted,” he mumbled. After a second, he corrected himself. “I kept letting myself get distracted. Looking at my shirt instead of actually looking at me, y’know.”

Nursey nodded again, but didn’t say anything. Dex took it as a sign to continue, so he did. Taking a deep breath he turned back to face the mirror and placed the paper back against the sink so he could read it. He glanced back at his boyfriend once before dropping the shirt.

Dex remembered the first thing on the list. He remembered exactly where he was when he had the thought, down to the smell of the nasty perfume someone in his class was wearing and the place in his notes where he had to stop himself from getting up right then and there so that he could punch something. Or maybe cry.

“I am not ruining Nursey’s life by trapping him in a relationship he doesn’t want.”

He barely paused before the next one, because they were practically the same thought. “We are not my parents.”

For his entire childhood, he knew that was how his parents’ relationship worked. His mom didn’t want to be with his father, but felt guilty about leaving. She was trapped there but circumstance, and Dex told himself every night for years that he would never be as unnoticing or uncaring as his father was.

He wasn’t exactly sure why he got it in his head that he was doing exactly that to Nursey, but it was days before he could get it out. Because it really felt like that sometimes. Did Nursey really want to be with him, or did he just feel bad about leaving Dex, pity about his poor, fucked up asexual boyfriend. But no, Nursey loved him. He did.

“I am not defective or broken.”

That one Dex found harder to believe. Most of his sessions revolved around his asexuality, and reaffirming that it wasn’t a disorder or dysfunction. It wasn’t some phase, and it wasn’t a hindrance. It was just a part of Dex, like his red hair and his big ears. It was just another thing that Nursey fell in love with. In theory… in pracrice, it was really fucking hard to believe that.

“I deserve to have a healthy relationship even if I’m not healthy.”

That one his counselor helped him word after a particularly rough fight with Nursey. Dex tried to break up with him because it felt unfair that Nursey was stuck with such a fucking shitshow. He was pretty sure that Nursey was thinking of exactly that incident, because he took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything.

Dex paused before the next one. He glanced back at his boyfriend again. He had forgotten all about this one, written in the middle of the night after a bad nightmare. It wasn’t something he had ever brought up before, or even voiced to his counselor. Dex focused back on the mirror, looking himself in the eyes.

“I am good for more than my use. I am not a utilitarian thing. I am a unique person, I have a personality, and people like having me around for that and not the things i can provide them.”

On his bad days, on those days when he felt like he was only going through the motions, it was hard to remember that the team were friends and that they wanted him around. That he wasn’t just there to fix the Haus, or to explain things to Tango, or to carry an extra sweater for Nursey. He was worthwhile independent from his usefulness.

He already knew what the last one was. It was the same every time, because it was the one thing he wanted to believe more than anything else.

“I can be the person Nursey is proud to be dating. I can be good for him. I can love myself for him.”

Dex stayed focused on the mirror, repeating it in his head over and over. He noticed the flash of movement, but didn’t realize what it was until Nursey wrapped his arms around Dex from behind. He pressed small kisses on Dex’s shoulders, where he knew there was a particularly dense cluster of freckles, up his neck until he could feel lips pressed against his ear.

“I love you, babe. And I am so proud.”

Dex felt the flush rise to his cheeks again. Somehow, it was different with Nursey there next to him. It was a little easier to believe the things he was telling himself and a little harder to come up with arguments in his head why these things weren’t true.

He wrapped his arms around Nursey’s, hugging him as close as he could. The amount of love he felt was beyond words.

“So, do you masturbate, though?”

#ace dex #my writing #writing prompt #nurseydex #asexual relationship #william poindexter #derek nurse #Anonymous #answered asks

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voicedbybetheyre · 8 years ago

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My #Trypod Recommendations: #AudioDrama April Edition (Pt.2)

I felt so lazy when I didn’t finish this in time for March. Then #AudioDramaApril came along, which is perfect because this is an underrated audio drama list!

*Feel free to ask for any trigger/content warnings. My memory can be a little spotty but if you have a specific thing you are trying to avoid I’ll definitely make sure to accurately warn show(s) you want to try*

Adventures of Mechabetty

“ Just a small town girl turned giant cyborg to fight off an alien invasion.”

A campy retrofuturistic adventure which teaches you that with enough spunk and can-do attitude you too can deal with colonizers from another world and the following political implications it would have on a Cold War-era Earth! Also, the musical segments they had early on are really rad and the fake commercials that replaced them are the funniest I ever heard done on a podcast. I’ve gotten back to listen to it as part of self-care.

This is one of the most underrated shows out there and I think it’s just that the audience is small at the moment. So here I am listing it first because I really think it’s the first everyone should check out!

The Lesbian Romantic

“The Lesbian Romantic is a weekly podcast with lesbian romance stories. It’s like listening to an audiobook, but more intense! (All episodes of The Lesbian Romantic Podcast are for mature audiences only)”

This podcast is a fantastic anthology series of different serialized lesbian romance stories, written and narrated by the wonderful Sigrid. There’s been an exciting thirteen-part sci-fi adventure (The Space Story) and the long-running story of two women in tech that practically covers moment to moment of their growing relationship (The Blogger Story). Frankly, there aren’t a lot of podcasts where exploring a lesbian (or sapphic) relationship as the primary storyline, and this one is a shining example of the romance genre. There’s a mix of sweetness and suspense that never becomes too sentimental or melodramatic, and I cannot wait for the next story.

Also a lot of the outros involves her being silly and playing around with sound effects and publicly available music,which is another reason to find Sigrid charming, especially after a particularly stressful twist.

This is definitely one of my favorites and it’s so underrated!!!

Mabel

“a podcast about ghosts, family secrets, strange houses, and missed connections.”

There’s a lot that can be said of Mabel, put my instinctive reaction is to categorize it as podcast poetry. These anxious voicemails about a haunted house are unexpectedly atmospheric as the spell of Anna and Mabel’s situation takes hold. (Also……….QUEER!!!). You really need to listen to understand and I would say get to it

Uncanny County

“Mystical truck drivers. Robots gone haywire. Killer clown demons. And pie. So. Much. Pie. This quirky, darkly comic, Southwestern-flavored anthology brings you a new paranormal audio play every month. Sit back, relax, and hold on tight. Because you’re about to take a quick detour…through Uncanny County.”

A collection of Southwestern stories on the quirky side of horror that can be best summed up by the trailer. Basically a less moralistic Twilight Zone that thrives on the absurdly unsettling and I can’t wait for it to come each month!

Favorites (since its an anthology): “Mother Loves You”, “Coulrophobia”, “Rainbow Magic Kittens”

Swings and Roundabouts

“Avery Edison (the person writing this right now) is pretending that she’s written software that turns her computer into a therapist. Obviously, that’s not possible with today’s technology, but it’s a great way to have another voice on her podcast without having to surrender control to an actual human being. With the conceit that these episodes collect recordings of therapy sessions, readings of emails, and tappings of phone calls, Avery (again, that’s me) is attempting to do something new and different. Hopefully along the way she (I) also makes it entertaining.”

Avery Edison is a very self-aware British comidienne who naturally when making a podcast reflecting on her younger days creates a metanarrative to the point where it’s meta about being a metanarrative. You would think the clear construction of her stories from her life would give it too much artificiality, but it only serves to zero in on the truth behind it all. I really wasn’t sure what to expect going in, but come for Avery’s snark (I died hearing her fake ads for podcast sponsers) but stay for Avery’s heart. There’s only been four episodes for awhile now, but it’s been made clear she hasn’t abandoned the series and could use the support to keep it going.

Strange N Unusual Productions

“Our flagship show Friend of the Family, follows the adventures of the young monster hunter Alice Belford and the unforgivable monster she must team up with to defend the world. They… don’t get along. We also have Letters to Asmodeus, a companion piece to FOTF! And the worst advice column ever. Our other major title is the Dark Files, a collection of dark ruminations sometimes funny or twisted.”

What if there’s a story about the typical leading man who happens to be a vampire and more importantly a dick and the story goes out of it’s way to frame him as unsympathetically as possible instead of becoming apologist schlock? What if he trades barbs with the teenaged female lead and it’s explicitly not unresolved sexual tension but the tension that comes from having a soulless vampire bound by a curse to keep you (and the rest of your clan) out of harm’s way no matter how much in reality he really doesn’t care what happens to any of you? Friend of the Family is a biting satire of the paranormal and horror tropes/properties as we culturally accept them. Alice Bedford, who’s an asexual boss, is trying to keep the world safe with (and often in spite of) her amoral tool of a pet vampire Asmodeus. (who also answers questions in a separate series called Letters to Asmodeus). Also on this feed you’ll find The Dark Files (more straightforward horror stories), The Katz Chronicles (a very unconventional detective and his team take care of supernatural situations), and Spooky/Cute (a young witch who’s the worse person I ever loved and her much more empathetic cat).

The Lost Cat

“The Lost Cat Podcast is a twice-monthly podcast detailing the things that have happened to me while searching for my lost cat. Featuring cats, dogs, ghosts, witches, Old Ones, several ends of the world and lots of red wine, I promise that these stories are all mostly true.”

One of the first things that pop out will be its obvious inspiration from Night Vale: town where the surreal is mundane, guy (although not a radio announcer) telling stories of the town, even a wine segment in place of weather (which has the podcast creator A. P. Clarke has admitted was a ripoff to get his own music out there). But this is superficial compared to the actual stories he tells about his quest to find his lost cat, which I think is gives it a more moving premise out of the gate. The narrator is a very empathetic, loving, and always knows when to find himself a break for some booze during whatever antics have come his way. The city he inhabits feels very fleshed out and full of life, and there are certain episodes where I wished I was there myself. The people still feel relatable even when the circumstances they are in seem too out of this world. The writing is definitely more straightforward than Night Vale, but has enough of a feel emotionally to be not just be a British copycat (see what I did there) but a worthy companion because Clarke seems to understand what actually makes a podcast like Night Vale endearing past the obvious narrative devices. Also I tweet at the creator a lot to the point where I think we have a rapport now and he’s really funny so i’d follow him @LostCatPod on Twitter.

Synesthesia Theatre

“Synesthesia Theatre is a podcast project from Burning Brigid Media featuring an anthology series of audio plays, along with interviews with the talent behind the voices.”

The production and acting are phenomenal and I wish this team got more recognition! From steampunk westerns (the riveting ride that is Iron Horses That Can’t Be Broken)to ten years in the future dystopias (the harsh reality of Cold Reboot), this team really delivers with stories using local Chicago actors that act out scenes in the room together to keep the chemistry up. Diversity is a priority (while also being very transparent about someone voicing a character of a different background). The stories are fast-paced and cinematic, so its very easy to get sucked in to its 10ish episodes seasons. Start bingeing!

The Strange Case of Starship Iris

“In 2189, Earth narrowly won a war against extraterrestrials, but at a tremendous price. Two years later, in a distant patch of space, a mysterious explosion kills nearly the entire crew of the science vessel Starship Iris. The only survivor is Violet Liu, an intrepid, sarcastic, terrified biologist. But as Violet struggles to readjust to life after the Iris, questions abound. Was that explosion really an accident? If not, just what is going on? And why does every answer seem to get more bizarre and more dangerous? If Violet and her newfound allies want to untangle the truth, they’ll need courage, brilliance, and luck - and honestly, a couple of drinks.”

I’m so excited by how much the fanbase has been growing for this one. Starship Iris exemplifies the ragtag group of misfits trying to survive an international (possible interplanetary?) conspiracy made by a totalitarian Earth and it’s becoming one of my favorite podcasts ever. Violet Liu is so in over her head as she realizes more and more why the Earth regime has set her up to fail, and the only people who can protect her are a smuggling crew who’s personalities range from cute to caustic. Listen to the first and see how fast you put on the second!

Freed

“Freed is a radio-drama podcast detailing the ramifications a worldwide pandemic has on people and the world as a whole, told through bi-weekly updates from the cozy yet abandoned mountain town of Freed. Learn more about the town’s history, the fall of humanity, and how to help rebuild society. In the meantime, be safe. Be strong. Be alive.”

Raimi Jenner (i.e. wife goals) puts a lot of energy on her radio broadcast into being a ray of sunshine in a, plague-infected world because she’s striving to make a community into her own in the abandoned mountain town of Freed. This leads to contact with a lot of allies and enemies, all complicated characters trying to cope in a destabilized world. They’ve been on a hiatus for the last few months, but hopefully they will be able to get back to episodes when they’re ready! I need to know how my wife is doing!!

Hector Vs the Future

“The world’s largest museum of obsolete technology is threatened with closure unless Hector - its cantankerous, turnkey-operated clockwork curator - can match the popularity of the cutting-edge Uptodateum across the road. Only George - the mild mannered in-house caretaker with the mysterious past - steps up to help him.

Does nobody care about history? Will anyone ever get to ride the NHScalator? How will postboxes, leeches and face-to-face conversation be remembered if the Obsoleteum closes its doors forever? Meanwhile, the Uptodateum has its own problems to deal with, as harried curator Biz and her guileless half-hologram, half-robot assistant Phil struggle to keep their enormous glass-and-touchscreen tower constantly up to date. If only they could work out what to do with their ever- increasing mountain of outdated exhibits…”

This is gut-bustingly dark. If you love Wooden Overcoats, meet it’s even more deranged cousin (which has some of the Wooden Overcoats cast as supporting characters). You would think the bleakness would be too much but it circles back to being absurdly quirky. Hector’s an elderly man-child, George is trying to figure out who he is, Biz struggles with being the most up-to-date version of herself she could possibly bem and Phil is one of the best (half-) robot characters ever written (not that people can stop reminding him what a mistake he is). Also, if you really love Nazi-punching, you might want to check out Episode 3: Hector Vs the Past!

The Elysium Project

“The story follows those who are pulled into the world of a powerful formula that allows it’s subjects to manipulate the world around them based on thought and desire.”

A reboot of a previous project by Natalie Van Sistine, it’s the age old story of superpowered humans given new life as research subjects escape their prison and along with a girl-in-a-tower type struggle with the superpowers they’re forced to have while the political landscape is unraveling around them. So basically it’s my catnip. It’s updated when the creator finds it possible, but it’s always worth the wait!

HOMECOMING

“The first scripted series from Gimlet Media, starring Catherine Keener, Oscar Isaac, David Schwimmer, David Cross, and Amy Sedaris. Homecoming centers on a caseworker at an experimental facility, her ambitious supervisor, and a soldier eager to rejoin civilian life — presented in an enigmatic collage of telephone calls, therapy sessions, and overheard conversations.”

This podcast stands out as one of the most naturalistic I’ve every heard, especially with on-location recording. The performances by A-list actors are amazing and the morally dark-gray experiment is haunting as the ramifications starts to unfold. It’s really hard to describe without spoiling but god do Catherine Kenner and Oscar Isaac rule. Gimlet is not known for audio drama work, but they really it knocked it out of the park with what one review describes as a voyeuristic conspiracy thriller . I would go into more detail but I want to keep this spoiler-free, so check out what’s going on with Heidi Bergman’s psychological program.

Our Fair City

“Our Fair City is a campy, post-apocalyptic audio drama”

Possibly prophetic given America’s current political climate, in an enviromental disaster apocalypse leads an insurance company to morph into a corpo-government. However, not everyone fully buys the propaganda that have shaped generations before and even have these crazy notions of…basic civil rights and human dignity. It’s sprawling cast showcases the very different policies a citizen (or moleperson) of Hartlife can lead in an oppressive all-encompassing system. Also its hilarious? Yes, it’s easier to cope with campy humor. Hartlife is all the life you ever need, so get some!

Junction

“Junction is a slice-of-life, mystery series following four friends during their last summer before college as they podcast about their attempt to find answers for a classmate gone missing in the shadow of a mountain, steeped in local folklore. But personal relationships and blossoming romantic tensions begin to overshadow their goals.”

Junction (made by Bending Spectrum) a show where four high school students trying to do a Serial-type show (or Serial meets the supernatural if they could push that angle in) about a missing classmate during their last few months of high school, yet they keep getting distracted by navigating their personal relationships with each other.

Well, they’re distracted because they’re all queer for each other and frankly when I started this podcast with so little information that I did not see that coming, so this was a pleasant surprise for me! The episodes are pretty short (the longest is about 10 min) but in them are distinct characters struggling to make sense of themselves and each other in a way I found relatable. Give it a listen!

MarsCorp

“MarsCorp is a 12-part scripted comedy podcast about Station Supervisor E.L. Hob’s first year at MarsCorp, a terraforming colony established on the red planet in 2070.”

I love dark comedy and this one is so tragically hilarious(which I seem to have a thing for). This is about a dysfunctional Mars colony and the recently defrosted from her cryogenic pod Earthling manager is here to save them from their own incompetence. The dark absurdity and twisted twists really kept me listening, and the funny moments I don’t want to spoil keep flooding my head as I write this. Also, could someone give David Knight a hug? And maybe never let him go? Let it be a tight hug that goes on forever :’(

Rover Red

“Rover Red is a listener-driven post-apocalyptic epic that follows Leah, a girl who has lived her entire life thinking and being taught that the compound she’s been raised within holds the last of humankind. When her brother, Jonah, is kidnapped, she leaves the compound to search for him. While she’s out searching, the compound is destroyed, leaving Leah alone to travel across a dystopian wasteland in search of her brother. She soon realizes that those inside her compound were not the last humans on earth…”

THIS PODCAST IS KILLING ME

Okay, let me back the hell up. Rover Red is an interactive experience by writer Chrisopher Bloodworth, where listeners who sign up to be the Rover Council (which is free!) can send options in for actions the protagonist Leah can take and then vote for options selected. Also Leah could die. You can kill her and Bloodworth promises the podcast will cease. With the added personal stakes of you contributing to whatever happens to her, it’s terrifying.

As someone who started about halfway through the first season, it’s a satisfying narrative experience catching up on. The world is large, well-crafted, and cruel. Mattie Martin shows her wonderful acting range by voicing pretty much every character (with the one exception of someone else…), and is a prime reason to give it a shot. Like if she doesn’t win some sort of audio award next season i will protest.

Side note: The show-fandom relationship is quality (especially the Discord chat that’s free for anyone to join!!!).

The Once and Future Nerd

“When three high school students from modern-day Pennsylvania find themselves trapped in a world of wizards, elves, and feudal intrigue, they must learn to survive in their new surroundings, and undertake an epic quest to save the world from the encroaching forces of chaos.”

First off: Arlene Redmoor/Gwen forever - I love this (canon!!!!!!!!) relationship so that I was moved to make a playlist showcasing the nuances of it as well as making for what I know is the only erotic fanfic currently available for this show- you’re welcome.

The Once and Future Nerd is one of two sword-and-sorcery high fantasy podcasts I listen to (I prefer and have much more a background knowledge of sci-fi than fantasy) and I think it’s one that really fits for me as a listener. At times its parodical, other times deconstructive, this is written by people who love high fantasy and understand the power of genre while being able to give it a critical look. Both the comedy and the drama are of high caliber to that exceeds expectations (the beginning is a little slow and seems to imply the humor will be more crass than anything, but the show evolves very quickly into something extraordinary). The characters are lovable (yes, even Billy, and not in the way you expect a narrative to sell that you should be sympathetic to him, but that’s a post for another day) and I am so excited for the current season because I’ve missed them. Can’t wait for what’s more to come with this one!

Big Data

“What if someone stole the internet? This comedy crime caper takes 100% real concepts, like the seven keys to the internet, cyber police, relay calls, photocopier black boxes, 419 scams, and more, and turn it into an anthology of nerdy crime stories tied together by a global plan to end the internet. it’s a series of heists, taking place all over the world… ranging from hijacking top secret military satellites, to stealing a dude’s pants. It’s a story about how hacking affects our world… but without a single actual hacker anywhere to be found.”

Ryan Estrada is a genius and frankly I suggest everyone listen to the interview with he did with Radio Drama Revival because he’s one of the medium’s great innovators.

And I’ll be honest. I tried to listen to the first episode, and I didn’t think the humor was my cup of tea, so I didn’t even finish it. Then when the interview came up on my feed, I shrugged and thought why not. Then it saw they were playing the second ep at the top so I huffed and went back to finish the last half, which I found unexpectedly compelling. And then by the second episode I was hooked. It’s part scripted, part improv, and entirely a love letter to the current players in podcasting while maintaining its own story, Big Data is a hilarious, riveting, and at times dark tale of how acting in an entangled world can breed chaos no matter what our intentions are. But fun!

Sable

“There is a town located in the deepest forests of America, a town that many would tell you doesn’t exist. It has seen it’s fair share of oddities, from a being of feathers and bones to a giant that promises doom to all in it’s path. The people there have been hiding a secret for the past 300 years, a secret that might just bring about the end of the world. Join Lane Lloyd as he tells you some of the strangest tales to come out of the town of Sable. From its founding onto today, there has not been a shortage of things to talk about. So, sit down, relax, and see if you can unlock the secrets to Sable.”

I just got to warn that there is a lot of descriptions of capital G Gore but its a very engrossing story narrated by creator Lane Lloyd. Without giving out any spoilers, it’s not immediately clear that the how the different threads quite fit together, even with twists that did give more insight but certainly didn’t explain why things were the way they were, and then it becomes clear. Not to over hype but its been months since that reveal and I’m still reeling. It’s stylistically done in an audiobook-type format (he speaks very clearly but there’s transcripts available for free for those who follow along better). Yet don’t get it twisted: when it comes to character voices, Lane Lloyd gives captivating (and at times chilling) performances that definitely keeps you’re attention.

Oh, and then he does an outro where he just says show news and updates with a stream-of-consciousness approach. Like if the very well-structured horror of the show tensed you up listening to him casually talk afterwards lets you relax again and have a laugh.

The Bridge

”It’s an alternate 2016, and Watchtower 10 sits in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, keeping lonely watch over the Transcontinental Bridge. Each watchtower sits hundreds of feet away from the Bridge, broadcasting regular traffic reports to ensure that proper safety precautions are taken. These lighthouses (for cars) are filled with a carefully selected (and very capable) crew.

Watchtower 10’s necessary personnel happen to be: a generalist DJ who spends her free time relaying folklore from abandoned parts of the Bridge, her supervisor (who’s only there because he lost a bet), an unfailingly optimistic Bridge Travel Agent, and a groundskeeper who has a thing for romantic comedies.

Unbeknownst to the general public (but totally knownst to each watchtower’s crew), these stations also hold a secret that could potentially destroy the world…or save it.

The Bridge is a fictional serialized fantasy podcast about the monsters we fear, the monsters we can become, and the stories we leave behind.“

All I can add to this one is two words: Persnickety Pete. Yes, that’s a word and its become my favorite word in all of the English language. Who is Persnickety Pete? You’re going to have to visit Aqualand by listening.

Part one: x

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miraclejin1204 · 8 years ago

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Mandatory bughead post #2: My thoughts on Bughead and why it is important.

I’m aware that the words ‘bughead’ & ‘important’ in the same sentence seem like a misfit but there is a good reason why I’ve chosen to write it so. This thought came to my mind whilst trawling through the morass of ‘ships’ & ‘ship-wrecks’ on tumblr & twitter about Riverdale.

Now, I’m not someone who watches a lot of TV shows ,however, Riverdale was a serendipitous discovery that happened to me two weeks ago.

I have been a fan of Archie comics since I was little & my two favourite characters were Jughead & Betty, in that order. Watching Riverdale was a revelation as it brought me back to the Archie’s world and I saw it in a new light. I went into it without expectations.

What I was not prepared for was how Bughead would gently creep up on me and reign over my entire existence in such a short span of time.

You see, I have had a few ships, some fleeting and some enduring,some canon and some fantasy, however nothing as rabid or as intense that’d induce an “I’m SHOOK” moment. Until bughead happened.

When I used to read the comic books, I had wanted Archie to one day wake up & realize that Betty was the one for her, because I could so relate to her as a kind & sweet girl, being taken for granted every time and with a history of unrequited love. I’m 30 now and life-experiences, especially of the bitter kind has certainly changed my perspective about these things, especially about romantic relationships. No more suffering fairy-tale princesses for me.

In the comics, although Jughead and Betty were my favourites and they always were good to each other, the thought of them as a potential match had never crossed my mind. I was intrigued and amused by Jughead’s woman-hating stance and had imagined that one day an extraordinary woman worthy of him would come and sweep him off his feet.I had no concept of sexuality and its associated complications that we see today, it was only a pure and innocent fantasy in my mind.

I had only been familiar with the ‘classic’ and humorous golden age Archie comic digests and was unaware of the modern reboots and the various universes. Therefore, when I started watching Riverdale, I was immediately hooked to its modern,quirky & dark narrative and had my assumptions broken down bit by bit with each episode. When I started with the show, five episodes were already in so I binge watched them in a single night, which left me with little time to process the minute details and subtleties, which is why I missed noticing the growing chemistry Betty and Jughead.

It was only when I began exploring the show on the internet and understood the whole narrative and tone of the show,re-watched the episodes, saw the interviews, trawled Tumblr & youtube and accidentally saw the leaked bughead kiss is when it hit me like slap on the face and a swift kick in the ovaries. It nearly felt like enlightenment!

Once I had seen and felt it, there was no going back. It was a like a virus firmly implanted in my psyche. I resurrected my dormant and inactive tumblr and twitter accounts only to ship bughead. I’m sure fellow bughead fans know the drill of our coming undone so I won’t go into much detail.

Coming to the next part. Riverdale or rather Bughead has come into my life as a breath of fresh air when I am going through a very dark and stressful phase. I have been going through a very difficult divorce from a man, who caused mental abuse and cheated my family of money & absconded and left me to deal with the consequences and legal battles, triggering my anxiety,fear and depression. A man whom I had trusted with my everything and was completely vulnerable to, used me and left me with a deep fear and mistrust of relationships, trauma and some very hard learnt lessons. I’m an eternal romantic but a part of me has become cynical about it.

Riverdale is a unique show as is evident in its excellent writing,for those who care to notice the nuances and characterisations. The symbolism, fore-shadowing, word-play, subtle body-language cues of the characters, parallelism and of course, a quality mystery is the gold-standard of writing. Can we also talk about the wonderful and talented cast who have given life to the characters? The show is a slow burn and not for those with a shallow mind who are looking for popcorn entertainment with a lot of mindless drama and illogical and unstable romantic pairings based on lust and superficial chemistry,

Bughead is not just a run of the mill ship that people are fangirling over. It is beautiful union which tells you the story of two woefully young and tender yet jaded individuals, thrown together by a tragic fate, who are battling the darkness within and without, fighting for something that’s bigger than them and their personal problems. They are fighting for justice, light and hope. In spite of their struggle with their personal demons. Can you imagine what they are going through? For any child, parents are the safe space when the world around them crumbles, but both Betty and Jughead’s parents let them down with lies, manipulation and broken promises and the possibility that their families could be the perpetrators of murder. Under such horrible circumstances, they find the safe space with each other.

They both are mature beyond their years, insightful, righteous, kind, compassionate, supportive and caring and there for each other without being asked. They communicate with their heart and eyes (sometimes with heart eyes too ;) ) It is not a connection based on lust and hormonal surges. Something very old-fashioned and real in the era of hook-ups. An oasis in a desert.

People who keep harping on about how there is no chemistry at all between Jughead and Betty and that it was rushed and illogical, then I’m sorry that you’re oblivious to everything that is going on in the show. They have been friends since childhood.

I think we do not give the writers enough credit for writing something so profound and refreshing in spite of it being a teen drama. A homeless, abandoned, rudderless boy, an outcast who is bullied, selflessly helps a girl find her sister and uncover the truth, not because he wants to get into her pants. A stifled, lonely yet nurturing and loving girl giving strength, support and courage to a lost and scared boy failed by his father and society. They are each other’s guardian angels.

So I ask this to all the haters..can’t you see this? Are you so blinded by your superficial hate and violent desire to stuff your ship down everyone’s throats because it gives you some sort of false sense of control over others that you have lost the ability to objectively see what the show is striving for through this beautiful narrative within the confines of what is ostensibly a teen drama? Can we not rise above our pettiness of mindless and hostile shipping to learn from it? Everyone is free to ship whomever and whatever they want but it is another thing to be so vitriolic and spiteful towards the others to have your way. Isn’t shipping supposed to be all about love anyway? Bughead is so much above all this petty drama, it is transcendental.

There’s so much that all of us, teens and even adults can learn from this ideal of a super healthy relationship that both television and our lives need. We need to move away from toxicity both in entertainment and our lives. Can we not be inspired to work on ourselves and build supportive, organic and nurturing relationships? This should give so much inspiration to the teens of today. With Betty & Veronica, the show strives to re-build the idea of strong, female friendships which seems to have become an alien concept in the world of ‘frenemy’ culture. Why can’t two girls be healthy best friends without the assumption that there is something sexual between them? People are hating on Bughead also for a fact that they are a heterosexual couple. As I see it, love is love in any shape or form.

Also, I do agree that all sorts of representation must have a place in popular culture and thankfully it is happening. However, those who are unhappy with Bughead saying that it erases Jughead’s asexuality, I disagree. Are you saying that Asexual people can’t fall in love? That they don’t deserve an intimate bond with another?

Now, in the larger Archie comicverse, Jughead was never portrayed as being an asexual, he simply was smarter and wiser and had other priorities compared to his hormone crazed pals. He was always the voice of reason. I’m sure that there are people like that, not everyone who doesn’t choose to be a crazy, horned dog is asexual. Besides, Jughead is shown to be asexual in only one version of the comics. There can be multiple variations of characteristics in the larger universe. Riverdale chooses its own narrative and characters as it sees fit for the context of the show. Therefore, in this version, Jughead isn’t asexual or aromantic. There is no erasure of any kind. Even if he were asexual, I’m sure that Bughead still can have a loving and healthy relationship.

It is my personal opinion and I am not trying to belittle anyone or trivialising the serious issue of representation in anyway. However, I do feel that in today’s world where there is so much hate and strife, showing love and companionship in its true and purest form is the most important issue here, first and foremost. It doesn’t really matter whatever is the sexuality or orientation of the characters in question. So, let us all keep our differences aside and show our love and support to something is for the greater good. Love is universal and not restricted to a specific type or form. Besides, it is fiction,let’s remember that.

I also think that we must avoid pressuring or attacking the creative team, actors and show runners into bullying them to change their vision for the show. That truly doesn’t serve any purpose other than being detrimental to the quality of the show and making the team de-motivated. Let’s all appreciate the hard work and love everyone has put in to present to us something that is so beloved and cherished by all.

Why is showing a healthy, supportive, wholesome and stable relationship necessary? I can tell you why, because I have suffered greatly in an unsupportive, toxic and abusive relationship that was all about selfishness and greed with no regard or love for the feelings of the other person. Where one person only gave and gave and the other only took everything. I was left drained and battered and I’m still bearing the burden of its ruins.

So, when Bughead came along, it was catharsis and relief. It was about having the hope of bright sunshine in the pitch black darkness. It was about selflessness and having high standards and working for the greater good, something that is bigger than us. It was about women not wallowing and pining after some boy who had little value or regard for them and not allowing a man decide the course of their lives .It was about unconditional love and support without labels. It was pure beauty and art, like a perfect symphony.

Bughead isn’t merely escapism. It is the light of goodness that illuminates our hearts and fills us with compassion and hope for something beautiful. It is the delicate flower that grows in the parched desert of hopelessness and deceit.

Let us protect it all costs.

#bughead #riverdale #jughead jones #betty cooper #betty x jughead #archie #archie comics #i ship it #fanfic #fandom #rant

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aurorawolfa · 8 years ago

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Team REIN

-Going to just write down stuff about each individual member, because I really need to solidify things.

Ray Day:

-Ray Day, the leader of team REIN. Ray’s from a royal family back in Atlas, the Day family is a group of incredibly powerful hunters. He has some big shoes to fill in, but his family isn’t exactly the most willing to let him try.

-Ray often struggles with leading, but has Gale as his ‘deputy’ for hard decisions.

-He’s 6′5 ft tall.

-His freckles glow at night. It’s a common Day physical feature.

-His fairy-tale is the Lindworm, but he takes obvious parallels to Apollo and Helios.

-His weapon, Gilded Hyacinth, is a reference to Apollo’s flowers.

-The team will often use Ray as a battery for electronics.

-Ray has woken up a few times covered in peoples’ scrolls.

-The Day family is a set of famous hunters back in Atlas. They have sun-based semblances typically, and are highly regarded as efficient hunters throughout history. The newest heirs to the title are Ray and his twin.

-While Ray is technically the older twin, everyone regards him as the younger ‘bastard’ twin that they didn’t want.

-Ray’s sigil was altered by the family, after discovering his terrible semblance, so he wasn’t allowed to have the ‘true’ family sigil.

-Ray’s twin brother, Voski, is the younger twin. He remains in Atlas with the rest of the family.

-Ray was banished from the family when he wished to attend Beacon instead of Atlas.

-Ray upon becoming a successful hunter, has been called by the family to return. He has yet to reply. He doesn’t want to deal with them.

-Ray’s semblance has serious backlash if not expended properly. It results in a burn-to-touch monstrosity, Ray’s little secret, as he has trouble controlling the more powerful side of his semblance. It’s a horrible transformation he avoids.

-This also leads to intense fatigue if not monitored.

-Emi’s helped him learn to love and accept that side of himself, starting to use it more in battle as he isn’t ashamed of using it.

-To avoid issues, Ray typically carries around extra batteries to charge when he needs to relieve energy.

-Ray treasures Gale’s advice.

-Ray is in a romantic relationship with Gale.

-Ray is bisexual, panromantic.

-Ray sometimes wishes Gale got the leadership role, but forgets he proves himself in dangerous situations time and time again.

-Ray will die for anyone who’s just nice to him. The man invests so much in people who believe in him.

-Iris is responsible for his clothes, as he arrived in less fancy clothing. She thought it was rude his family didn’t properly dress a prince.

-Ray wants to be a teacher one day maybe, he really enjoys inspiring little hunters/huntresses.

-Ray has a one track mind with getting the job done, but once you get him to laugh he’s immediately distracted. It’s why he loves Gale so much. He gets him to calm down when he’s stressed out.

-Ray desperately wanted to be the best leader he possibly could, but has mellowed out and accepted mistakes will happen.

-Ray is the medic of the crew. He has the most medical knowledge and will personally attend his own teammates.

-Ray lives with Gale, the two are inseparable. They wander Remnant, and often take tasks to eradicate Grimm.

-They have like several huts they’ve bought across Remnant, scattered all over the place.

-Other members of Team REIN often crash there, it’s not uncommon for them to cross paths at one of the ‘vacation’ homes.

-Ray has encountered his brother while travelling with Gale, and proceeded to conquer him in a duel of honor.

-Despite Voski’s suggestion, Ray decided not to slay him, and left him.

-”Tell your parents I’m never coming back.”

-Ray prefers to fight up close with his pole arm, and often will aim it at an enemy’s face to fire a few potshots at a target.

-Ray sings like a Baritone with Gale, when asked. He’s not very good at it, but he likes to humor Gale with singsong responses.

-Ray likes to collect things he just ‘likes’ when they travel. All the houses they own are covered in rocks, weird trinkets, stuffed animals, and numerous other ‘random’ collections that Ray likes to bring home.

-He really has a passion for collecting stuffed animals, as he never was allowed toys as a child. Gale enables him even at this age.

-Ray is used to his friends climbing all over him. He often carries Iris on his shoulders.

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Eminence Gagnon:

-Emi’s fairytale is Bluebeard.

-Emi is 5′8 ft tall.

-Lost child from Mistral who arrived at Vale.

-Doesn’t really know where her mother is, but is quite sure her dad is ‘gone’.

-That’s just the story she tells. She knows damn well where her family is.

-Emi was raised by a thieving family in Mistral that was selling her younger sister off to some noble to pay a debt.

-Because of this, Emi’s relationship to her parents immediately strained.

-Emi trained with the local kids of Mistral’s Academy who were willing to teach her a few tricks.

-Emi noticed her sister was distressed and discovered that the noble had a history of wives disappearing from the public eye.

-Emi gave simple instructions to her sister, ordering she stand by her nightstand as soon as they are getting ready for bed.

-The night her younger sister was stuck with the noble for their first time together, Emi shot and killed him over a seven thousand yards away with her sniper rifle.

-It was discovered the noble was using is semblance to hypnotize his wives and force them into the basement into ‘horrifically graphic circumstances’ in the news.

-Emi’s sister, Carmine, inherited his fortune and estate because she was the last wife.

-Emi left.

-Emi is capable of a unique ‘Lock On/Targeting System’ that makes it impossible for her to miss.

-Because of this, that’s the reason her primary weapon is a sniper rifle.

-She misses only if her attention is diverted to some other target. She can only target one thing at a time.

-Her melee weapon is in the backpack her sniper rifle transforms from, attached to the rifle. She’s not so good up close, but does carry a few daggers attached to the rifle.

-She prefers to throw them, but her giant sword also works.

-Emi is an asexual grayromantic.

-Emi likes to collect a few of Gale’s feathers to decorate herself, since he doesn’t mind.

-Emi really dislikes visiting Mistral, even if she enjoys the culture, she just doesn’t want to run into her parents.

-Emi writes to her sister sometimes.

-Emi takes on the persona of the playful, cheerful member, but is down with murder at any point and second.

-It is very quick and almost worrying how rapid she can switch between these moods.

-Emi personally helped Gale win Ray’s affections.

-Emi is a fantastic aunt to all of Gale’s kids.

-Emi enjoys travelling and seeing the sights of the world, but always wonder if she’ll get bored eventually.

-Emi has a weird fascination for daggers from different kingdoms.

-Emi often cuddles up to Ray because he’s a literal heater.

-This also includes cuddling up to the other team members of REIN, but Gale’s feathers are a second best to Ray.

-Emi often has a hard time telling if people are joking or not, because she views her entire life as a joke.

-Ray’s good at grounding her.

-Emi will often immediately lose focus if anyone is mortally injured.

-Emi doesn’t know the meaning of self preservation.

-Despite being the sniper, Emi is the member to get the most injured.

-Emi thinks its a good idea to try to snipe someone in close quarters if someone’s in danger.

-Emi really enjoys the food from Beacon, but prefers the fashion from Haven.

-It’s been tested that Emi can still never miss even if drunk.

-Emi has a plan to inevitably go to Atlas and assassinate Ray’s family.

-Also Iris’s parents.

-She has not told them.

-Iris designed her clothes rather often, but Emi only started to wear them after Iris asked if she was okay. Iris was the first to find out about Emi’s family.

-During initiation, Ray was her partner until they were team REIN with the other two.

-She is considering accepting an offer at a polyamorous relationship with Gale and Ray.

-------------------------------

Iris Bowe:

-Dust princess supreme. Her family owned a tiny dust shop in Beacon, and has led to her being well versed in using dust.

-5′4 ft of fury, she will slash your ankles.

-A famous seamstress and fashionista, runs a fashion company for hunters/huntresses. It’s just simply called ‘Bowe.’

-She’s originally from Vale.

-Semblance is capable of numerous things, such as copies of herself, ‘armor’, elevation, etc. Incredibly flexible.

-She struggled with her semblance a lot as a child.

-Changes her appearance so fucking often.

-Her fairytale/mythos is the Goddess of Rainbows, Iris.

-Will often craft clothes to others as a gift.

-Other titles: ‘Wandering Seamstress’, ‘Bowestring’, ‘Scissor Sister’.

-Iris’s eyes reflect color drastically! Her eyes typically change color to her surroundings, or whatever she’s looking at. It can be very spooky if someone’s wearing white, she appears to have no pupils with that color.

-This is always hilarious when she visits Atlas.

-Iris’s weapon is a reference to her favorite flower.

-Iris had a much older sister, Archer Bowe, who died in a hunting accident.

-Iris’s family proceeded to forget she existed as they grieved for their lost daughter.

-Iris raised herself after the incident, providing her own food, clothes, and general well being.

-Iris very vividly can still remember the long walks to school by herself.

-Iris removed her family sigil from herself and adapted her own after these events.

-It’s stitched into all her clothes as well.

-Iris would steal from her family to get her own money, and started selling dust to Faunus her father refused to serve.

-She did all of this at an incredibly young age.

-Started researching stocks and investments really early in her life.

-Iris was a wallflower at school. Unnoticeable, none too brilliant, and generally just average and not spectacular.

-Iris had a small fortune for herself about the time she was accepted into Beacon.

-Iris redid her entire appearance upon joining Beacon, becoming deeply invested in her looks and her skills.

-Iris graduated Beacon with high test scores and generally spectacular performance.

-She was never satisfied. Having seen Archer’s grades, Iris wept bitterly every time she was less than Archer.

-Iris is heavily invested in clothing, and is constantly creating outfits.

-She wears something new everyday.

-Iris carries around a huge sketchbook in her satchel with new outfit ideas.

-She loves gifting clothes to others.

-She dressed her entire team.

-Iris is known as a talented seamstress, but she is also well versed in building weapons. Specialty: Swords.

-Iris is a powerful huntress with her hard-light manipulation. Her semblance is incredibly powerful and flexible, but she herself cannot take many hits before falling.

-Iris is most famous for using her semblance to guillotine Grimm.

-Iris has a problem of running away when she’s threatened by intense emotions that upset her.

-Iris worked as a messenger for the headmasters. While scrolls exist, Iris in her mastery of her semblance upon her adulthood, and won the trust of Ozpin, being gifted a small token of magic to enhance her abilities to ‘travel at the speed of light.’ She can teleport to the four major cities, but at the cost of incredible exhaustion.

-Iris bought her own house a little outside of Beacon, but also has a headquarters at Atlas.

-Because Iris has learned many secrets of Vale this way, Iris has a bitter attitude towards the headmasters.

-Iris often just wanders from city to city, enjoying fashion and helping mend broken clothes.

-Iris is pansexual and panromantic..

-Iris has no chill. Zero.

-Struggles to keep emotions in check, which can be problematic when fighting.

-Iris will visibly ‘signal’ while using her semblance, but doesn’t need too. She likes to ‘preform’ when using her semblance, and if actually threatened, she’ll stop playing around.

-Iris is incredibly petty to those who wrong her, and will personally make sure they suffer every second she has the chance.

-Iris is team mom towards team REIN, and often is the one making sure everyone eats/sleeps/etc.

-Iris herself, skips all of these things.

-Gale often drags her to bed to sleep, because this woman really sucks at taking care of herself.

-”What took you so long?” “What’s the point of living if I can’t have eyeliner that’s perfect?”

-Iris is very extra.

-Iris, despite her semblance being mostly used for ranged combat, enjoys being up close with her weapon.

-Iris scolds young hunters/huntresses wearing complicated clothes that could cause problems when fighting. Those who graduate she leaves alone.

-A real glass cannon woman in fighting, she doesn’t really care.

-Despite her incredible accomplishments, her company, her everything, Iris is incredibly lonely and thinks herself worthless if she can’t compare to Archer.

-Iris does not talk to her parents. She heard her father died recently, but didn’t attend the funeral.

-Iris and Gale are incredibly close.

-Iris’s favorite color is red.

-Iris is capable of firing her bow with her feet, but she hates doing it.

-Iris has attended numerous balls and fundraisers, and often gets bored within the first ten minutes. She’ll be found sketching in her book with new designs she’ll be inspired with from others’ outfits.

-Iris is often curious about others ideas for fashion.

-She’s also incredibly cynical about the future, but tries to hide this from her teammates.

-------------------------------

Navy Gale:

-’Deputy’ of the crew.

-He comes from Mistral, but his family moved to Vale when he was young. He doesn’t remember Mistral.

-Mother is an incredible inventor and has made a handful of famous advancements in technology to help disabled and faunus alike.

-Father is a famous hunter who often visits and supports his son in his endeavors.

-Has three little triplet sisters who are close to graduating soon.

--He’s a transboy.

-6′8 ft tall!

-Iris makes his clothes, because he doesn’t have any fucking hands.

-His semblance involves silencing others, screaming, and fucking with sound.

-Despite having manipulation of sound, he can’t have his semblance up all the time, and has trouble training his voice to sound how he likes.

-He sort of just lives in the woods with his husband and kids and does Grimm hunting with his crew when he’s called upon.

-Upon adulthood and long past graduation, with his sound manipulation, Gale is capable of phasing through things in his way. Inanimate. He doesn’t trust himself to phase through a person.

-Gale is married to Ray.

-Gale’s a romantic at heart and loves serenading his husband.

-Gale is panromantic and pansexual.

-Gale’s feathers fall out a lot, but he doesn’t mind that people collect them.

-His wingspan is absolutely ridiculous and makes it difficult to go anywhere.

-He gets sick pretty often, but doesn’t let it bother him.

-Gale has several children he’s adopted, living a little outside Beacon. None of them are old enough to train yet, but he intends to train them soon. They’re all abandoned Faunus kids.

-Gale doesn’t really like travelling like everyone else, but really enjoys flying long distances.

-Gale is capable of carrying someone with his feet, but not very far. It’s uncomfortable for everyone involved.

-Getting hugged by Gale will lead to getting feathers in your mouth.

-Gale loves his teammates so much and gets emotional thinking about how supportive they are.

-Gale hates when he squeaks.

-Iris was Gale’s partner during initiation at Beacon.

-Gale loves spending time with his visiting father, and letting him be a jolly grandpa.

-Gale is incredibly obsessive about shiny objects he collects from adventures.

-With Iris’s help, Gale has learned basic knitting with his feet.

-Gale enjoys music immensely, and listens to it quietly where ever he goes.

-Gale also collects feathers he finds on his trips.

-Gale likes to surprise his husband with gifts whenever he can.

-Gale uses his semblance more than he uses his anklet, since it’s a pain.

-Ray and Gale are very close lovers, but also understand each other and what decisions they’ll make during combat. They’re a scary combo.

-Gale often is the one to carry his teammates to safety.

-Gale is the only one to get Iris to stop thinking about being better than Archer for two seconds.

-Gale loves singing. He has an incredible range due to his semblance, and loves singing songs with his crew.

-Iris is the only one who can really keep up with him, but is nowhere near his skill level.

-Gale has trouble putting his binder on in the morning, and often has to have a friend/his husband help him take it off/on.

-Gale likes coming to schools to talk to kids with Ray about being a hunter. He enjoys just being around children and talking about his adventures.

-He can and will pick up one of his teammates who are being grumpy and fly them around till they either scream for mercy or finally tell him what’s wrong.

-Iris is 90% of the time the one he has to pick up.

-Loves every set of clothes Iris has made him.

#rwby ocs #team REIN #navy gale #iris bowe #ocs #ray day #emi faulkner

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