#and there's something about that that is really. special? to him. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jrpixarmilf · 3 days ago

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Tell Me I’m Your National Anthem

Bucky Barnes x Campaign Manager! Reader

Summary: Bucky wasn’t sure when this campaign stopped being about winning, and starting being about spending time with you.

Word Count: 16.8K

Authors Note: first fic in almost five years!! I’m back from retirement. Anyway, yes I know Bucky’s hair was long in thunderbolts but I don’t care!

Warnings: cursing, inaccuracies about American politics (it’s been along time since I was in a social studies class okay?), gratuitous use of italics, yearning, Alpine, mention of St*ve, and light violence, no use of y/n

You’d always liked a challenge.

As a kid, if the teacher said to write six paragraphs, you’d push yourself to ten. In college, you had interned all four summers, double majored in Political Science and Marketing. Worked full time and still graduated with honors. You even made time to go to like three parties.

Nothing changed when you got into politics.

You took the first job you could get your hands on out of college, and have been running since.

Unfortunately you’ve been running with some of the most infamous assholes Washington has ever seen.

You had a talent for fixing campaigns, tweaking strategies, and saving reputations. This unique skillset was perfectly suited to saving the careers of politicians with questionable tweets, and more often than not, bright red, southern roots.

It wasn’t the “making the world a better place” politics you had dreamed of, you still hoped that a few of the assholes who had hired might find it in themselves to make a few good decisions while in office.

That was until you started working for Bucky.

James Buchanan Barnes -former Avenger or something- was running for Congress and had asking your help.

Or more accurately, his Campaign manager was begging for it. An old friend, who was lucky enough to work with all of the good, kind people, you wished would hire you. All the people your candidates kept beating. You’d never had someone beg you to take their job before. So you agreed, part curiousity and part hope that maybe for once you’d get to see the side of politics you used to believe in.

You didn’t get your hopes up though. Preparing for the cycle to begin again. Another politician with skeletons in need of closets. Nothing you hadn’t seen before, and nothing you weren’t equipped to handle.

Oh how happy you were to be wrong.

Other than having no media training, Bucky Barnes was a good man. All of his baggage had already been aired out for the entire nation to see. It was a much welcome change. You’d always been paid to hide secrets, not use them.

However, this meant the Nation already had an opinion of him. Bucky’s reputation ranged from admired hero to public enemy number one. Nevermind the small subset of Winter Soldier fanatics who studied his every move and then dissected it all online.

You had spent a solid six hours just combing through forums to try and understand whether they loved or hated him. You finally gave up after finding one entirely dedicated to different versions of his prosthetic arm.

The only information this research did reveal was that people really, really like photos of him from his time in the service. The government’s Captain America archives made them easy to find.

Just like that your newest strategy was born. You didn’t like to lean so heavily on the veteran angle, but this felt like special circumstances. One of the first fundraising efforts you lead, was simply a release of t-shirts with him in his army fatigues on it. It sold out in twelve minutes.

Unfortunately, sepia stained Polaroids can only do so much heavy lifting.

While there’s no gentle way to tell someone ‘you’re perfect, now change everything’ Bucky took it well. Not enthusiastically, but he was open, which is all you could ask for. He didn’t grumble once when you sent him to an eight hour “media-training boot camp.”

He didn’t even argue when you picked him up afterwards and drove him to a Barber.

All things that further cemented his status as your favorite client.

Watching his hair fall to the floor broke a little piece of your heart. Alas, the short hair had tested better in focus groups, so off it came. It made more sense message wise too, helping consolidate the image of the 40’s soldier and this modern counterpart. Removing as many similarities to the Winter Soldier as you could afford.

“Can you take a little more off the back?” You ask. It’s easily your third interruption and you can almost hear the Barber roll his eyes.

“That okay?” You ask, the question directed at Bucky this time.

Favoritism aside, you were still deeply uncomfortable around each other. At least that’s how it felt. It had only been three weeks, but he was a quiet type. You were used to working with braggadocios, they always told you where you stood.

Bucky liked to watch. Usually giving you one word answers, if that. His stare is what made you uneasy, the weight of his attention was enough to make you falter. Not knowing what it meant was enough to make you second guess, you need to know what it means. Which means you need to know him. Then there was the handsomeness factor.

Today was exposure therapy. You’d worked with plenty of attractive clients before, none that made you fight a blush from eye contact. But that’s okay.

You’ve always liked a challenge.

“It’s just hair.” He replies, voice even and unemotional.

For a second you’re afraid the conversation will end as quickly as it started. You’re about to escape into your phone when Bucky finally makes eye contact with you in the mirror. You’re sitting against the wall behind him, close enough to watch, far away enough that you don’t have to smell his stupid fucking delicious cologne.

Professional distance.

“Besides. You’re holding my reputation in your hands. Whatever you want.” He smiles, as much as Bucky knows how to smile.

Whatever you want. That’s tempting, and three of your favorite words. Especially when coming from a man.

Stop. Professional.

“So if I suggested frosted tips?” You say, raising your eyebrows.

He huffs, it’s the closest thing you’ve gotten to a laugh.

The barber is nearly done, the effect the cut has on Bucky’s face already dramatic. He looks, young. Or at least the age he would’ve been if it wasn’t for all of- everything.

It’s still a little wet, you can see the ends curling as the barber combs through them and lifts them up to trim. You wonder if he left it long, if someone taught him how to take care of it, would it curl?

You do your best to ignore the stray drop of water that glides down the back of his neck, ghosting over his (now) perfect hairline.

The chair spins around to face you. The barber standing behind it with a satisfied smile, holding the comb triumphantly and letting out a little “Ta da!”

Bucky raises a eyebrow, and you’re startled when you realize- He’s waiting for your approval.

Your stomach burns with satisfaction. You like that a little too much too.

You nod, standing and walking over Bucky, and subsequently the barber. You smile, then hold out your hand.

“You mind?” You ask, though your tone makes it clear it’s not a question.

The barber grunts, giving you the comb and walking with a huff into the back of the shop, leaving you and Bucky alone.

You had called ahead, made sure they’d have the building cleared so you’d be the only ones inside during Bucky’s appointment. Too many variables and prying eyes otherwise.

Wordlessly, you begin to cut. There’s not much to trim, but the barber had left a few stray hairs, and his sides were uneven, which would’ve driven you crazy. It was a short cut, a little left on the top, specifically the front. Enough to let it sit naturally, but also long enough he could style with a smidge of a gel. Versatile, easy to manage for Bucky’s sake.

Then you look down at Bucky, realizing you had neglected to turn him back around, and find him already studying you. Suddenly feeling sheepish, you take a step back, spinning him around to get his opinion.

“You fixed the sides.” He says. You wait for noted but it doesn’t come. You realize that’s probably the closest you’d get to a compliment.

You reach over, putting the comb back and grabbing a small bit of gel. You rub it between your hands and before you can overthink it, run your hands through his hair. Giving the front a little bit of quaffing.

Almost satisfied, you put your hands down on the back of his chair. “You still trust me?”

Bucky lifts a hand to his beard, it’s scruffy, and while you don’t mind that (not even a little). It’s not exactly the look you’re going for.

“You can do it yourself, if you want?” You offer, very aware that this may count as over stepping.

He shakes his head, dropping his hand back into his lap. “I trust you.”

You reach over, grabbing a razor from the station and attaching the 4mm guard. “The beard has tested well, specifically with your female constituents.” Fancy excuse for it would make you sad to shave it all off. “We don’t want to lose it all, just polish it a little.”

Bucky hums, lifting his chin to give you a better angle as you finally switch the it on. The way it shakes to life in your hand once again reminds you of all the faith he has in you. All of his eggs, super glued into your basket.

The buzzing goes quickly. Bucky is inhumanly still. While it normally unsettles you, you can’t help but be grateful. Especially given the next step.

You shut off the buzzer, and reach into the barbicide glass to grab the straight edge razor.

Thankfully in the time it takes you to finish prepping the razor, Bucky has grabbed the oil from the counter and applied it himself.

You give him a moment to settle back into the chair, and wait for him to give the ‘go ahead’ nod.

Taking a deep breath to steel your nerves, you start on the top of his beard, tightening the edges just under his cheek bone until the form a sharp, smooth line.

“Are you normally this…” Bucky trails off, freezing as you get close to his nose, and subsequently his lips in all their blush pink glory (Not that you’re paying any attention to them).

“Hands on?” You offer, pulling back and cleaning the razor. It gives Bucky a chance to release the breath he was holding. He nods.

You hum. “Not, normally this literally. But yes.” You shape the other side as you speak, triple checking that they’re even. “I don’t normally have this much creative control though.”

“Does that make me a pushover?” He asks. Another borderline smile dancing on his face.

You use a finger to tilt his chin up, making sure to avoid eye contact as you do so. “Makes you the smartest client I’ve ever had.”

“Sweet talking won’t get you frosted tips.”

“Was worth a shot.”

You’re pleased to find that the more you talk, the easier it gets. However, the weight of your current position, isn’t lost on you. His attempts at breezy conversation isn’t enough distract you from the fact that his neck is ramrod straight. He’s hardly even breathing.

He must see you noticed his tension, “Haven’t let someone else shave me since before I was shipped out.” He explains, interrupting your study of his breathing patterns. “The first time.”

Shit. He really does trusts you.

It’s almost too much, overwhelming. This man who has been dragged through hell, is sitting here and letting you use a Sweeney Todd style razor on his neck.

You’re not sure what to say, how to acknowledge the hefty implications in his words. Trusting you with his career is one thing, this is his way of saying he trusts you with his life. You hum, your next swipe with the razor extra gentle.

You fall back into a comfortable silence as you finish. Drawing sharp lines to his neck until the edge of his beard is snug against his jaw. A neck beard is an enemy of the state as far as you’re concerned.

“All done.” You say, turning around and moving out of Bucky’s way so he can finally see his reflection. “A number two guard on your razor will keep it around this length.“ You offer while compulsively cleaning up the Barber’s station. You’re sure he’s watching you from the doorway of whatever room he disappeared into. But the only eyes you can feel on you are Bucky’s. “If you like it, that is.”

You finally turn back around to face him. You don’t know if he likes it, but it’s safe to say it’s exactly what you were going for. He looks cleaner, more professional, more like a politician.

But still Bucky.

All he does is hum in response, and your stomach drops to the floor.

He hates it. He hate it’s, he’s going to fire you, and then you’ll be back to helping assholes hide hush money and-

“You do good work.”

Deciding to become, or deciding to try and become a politician was something Bucky had yet to wrap his brain around.

His resume wasn’t that of your typical bureaucrat. No political science degree or volunteer work. Sure there was his time in the service, but last he’d checked the military had changed quite a bit since World War II. He had more experience in fighting U.S. forces than actually serving in them these days.

He knew better than to admit it out loud, but the choice to run for congress, was one he made a whim.

Part had been born out of desperation to leave Brooklyn. Another part was his desire to be useful. To make a good change for once, and do it in a way that didn’t involve voilence.

Bucky just wishes he’d done a little more research.

If someone had warned him about all of the paperwork and bullshit and he had to do just to run, (never mind the pile that would be waiting on the other side if he won), he may have reconsidered.

Bucky hated to admit it, but he didn’t start trying to win until you joined the team

Full of vigor and good intentions, you actually managed to make Bucky want to win this stupid thing. Your infectious energy (and the fact that you were completely overqualified) instilled a newfound confidence in his entire team. Everyone started doubling down on their efforts.

For fucks sake he even let you shave him.

Before he knew it, Bucky was only behind by five points instead of thirty.

Now he found himself in a pickle. Physically he was knee deep in mockups of lawn signs, poll numbers, and focus group answers. Mentally all he could think about was you.

You were talking, making expressive hand gestures as you tried (in vain) to explain what the statistics in front of him meant.

Bucky was too busy thinking about your fingernails to focus.

They’d changed overnight, from a soft pink to a bright eye-catching red. He wasn’t even sure when you would have had the time, you were with him at the campaign office until well after eight last night and you had beaten him there this morning.

“Bucky, do you understand what I’m saying?” You finally broke through, tone half exasperation and half exhaustion.

Luckily, his lack of experience saved him once again. As it so often did when he was too busy watching you, to actually listen. “You know I suck at the numbers stuff.”

Why red? Is red your favorite color? No, he’s pretty sure that green is your favorite, you wear it at-least once a week and your water-bottle has a single green sticker on it.

You gave him a small smile, “I think you could win Bucky.”

Why red? He remembered girls back in Brooklyn who would paint their nails red, talking about how they’d pick it to match their lips. Subtle ways to get a boy to thinking about kissing them. He knows it’s none of his business, but he can’t help the ache in his gut when the thought of it being for a date crosses his mind.

Wait what did you just say?

“I could win?”

“A few strategic events, some well timed social media posts and I think you’ve got it in the bag.” You confirm with a smile, it’s one he hasn’t seen before. Confident, almost smug. You’re good at your job and you know it.

“Holy shit.” Is about all Bucky can manage right now.

You finally sit. “I think it might time to find an apartment.”

He groaned. He had hated apartment hunting in New York. Too many people, not enough leases and he doesn’t exactly have a credit score.

“Can’t have a future congressman living in a hotel.” You say, clicking your tongue for emphasis. “Don’t worry I have a friend who can set you up.”

He rubs a hand over his mouth, feeling slack jawed.

“But, we’re still falling short in a few key demographics.” You explain, “We need to get you back to Brooklyn for a few days.”

He nods, sitting straighter and actually trying to read one of the papers in front of him, “Millennials?” He asks, pointing to a particularly sad pie chart. “I thought they liked me?”

“There’s a rumor on TikTok you killed Kennedy, true or not it’s been gaining some traction and it’s causing some of their trust to falter.”

Bucky opens his mouth to tell you they’re not totally off base, but before he can you lift your hand and pinch your fingers together in a shushing motion.

Why are they red?

“Less I know, the better.” You say.

Fair enough.

“We’re also falling short on the older, male, right leaning side of the fence.” You explain, shuffling to bring forward a poll dated from a week prior. “Their wives love you, which means they don’t think you’re a man’s man.”

“How do we fix both of those in just a few days.” He asks, trying to ignore the way your manicured fingers tap against the laminate desk. He’s beginning to think it might be intentional on your end.

“That’s why you hired me.” You smile, “Just have your bags ready for Friday morning and make sure you pack a pair of jeans.”

He nods, knowing better than to ask you to explain when you’re in business mode like this. He hasn’t known you long, but there’s something about seeing you in your element that makes you shine a little brighter.

“I could win?” He finally doubles back, still not sure it’s entirely he believes it. Still not sure he wants it to. Still wondering why are your nails are red.

“Bucky, You have me on your side. You’re going to win.”

You had a friend at a local pet rescue in the city, and to say he owed you a favor would be an understatement. Getting them to let Bucky host an event was easy.

Getting Bucky to agree was even easier.

As always, your instincts had been right on the money, and it was a perfect match. Animals are an easy win with Millennials, if you only you could have gotten him a puppy interview.

The event was a huge success anyway, truly a publicists wet dream. The people loved him, and after only being there for an hour, a majority of the available cats had already been adopted.

Never mind the visuals, since arriving Bucky hadn’t gone five minutes without a cat in his arms.

“Had one back in the day, used to kill the rats in our building and sleep at my feet.” He had explained as he casually picked up a black little soot ball in his right hand, while the left deftly scooped up a little grey tabby. Each cat a limp noodle in his arms.

His big, strong, straining through the sleeves of his button up arms.

It’s not your fault, you’re pretty sure theres some kind of law about men being allowed to look this good while holding a baby- dog, cat, or human.

You change your train of thought, getting ready to go find the intern with the good camera and ask them to snap some candids of Bucky with the animals. When a voice stops you.

“Hey stranger.”

Jack.

Your ‘friend’ or more accurately, ex-boyfriend/shelter contact. You had hoped he wouldn’t bother coming, so you wouldn’t have to bother having this conversation.

“Jack! How are you?” You smile, turning around to face him, which sadly meant turning your back to Bucky (just as he was picking up a little scrawny, white kitten). Your people-pleaser smile in full effect as you bring him into a half-hearted hug.

He squeezes you back with a lot more enthusiasm than the interaction warrants. “It’s so good to see you!” He says, dragging out the ‘so’ for emphasis. “You’re a big shot now. Working with an Avenger and everything.”

You fight the grimace, you’d already been well established when you met Jack, he was just completely politically uneducated and didn’t believe in watching the news because ‘If something is that important, I’ll hear about.’

He also didn’t know the difference between Senate and the House of Representatives.

In hindsight it’s a miracle your relationship lasted as long as it did.

“Thank you again for letting us borrow some of these cuties.”

“No big deal, it’s a great chance to get some of the animals adopted.” He nods in Bucky’s direction. “Seems like he might be taking one home.”

You turn around, finding Bucky holding the white kitten in the crook of his elbow, the little thing is stretched out with its arms straight above its head, belly up and fast asleep.

You resist the urge to groan, finding a pet friendly rental in DC is a fucking nightmare.

Then you watch as Bucky looks down to acknowledge the kitten, ever so delicately scratching under its chin with his free hand.

Worth it.

“Turns out he’s a cat person.” You say, turning back to Jack.

This time you really take the opportunity to study him, all the ways he’s changed. He’s shorter than you remember. He also started dyeing his hair black. It looks bad. He’s less imposing and handsome than your brain dreamt him up to be.

It’s hard to find anyone handsome when they’re in the same room as Bucky.

Jack still has the same eyes, vacant. Bright and engaging, not a whole lot happening behind them.

You hadn’t ended on bad terms per se. It was mostly a mutual break up, with each of your agreeing your lives were just too different. He wanted a golden retriever, Sunday night pasta dinners, and a house so loud he never has to hear himself think.

You need quiet.

“That cat hasn’t let a single person pick her up since she got to the rescue. I’m not letting him leave without her.” Jack says.

“I don’t think it’ll take much convincing.” You smile. “It’s good to see you Jack.”

“Yeah you too, you look good y’know.” He says

Oh you know.

“Thanks, you look happy.” You mean it. “I should get back to work though. Someone needs to make sure babies get their foreheads kissed.”

“Like I said, you’re a big shot.” He pulls you into another just a little too tight hug. “You think he’s gonna win?”

You give Bucky another look, this time surprised to find him watching you. You can quite read his expression, but you never can. The sleepy little kitten in his arm is pawing at his chest trying to get his attention.

“Yeah I do.”

With that you finally escape, grasping onto Bucky’s attention like it’s a lifeline. You use the few steps it takes to reach him to shoot off a quick text, make sure there was nothing on fire, and then you put your phone back into your pocket.

Looking up you give Bucky a smile. “You know they have dogs here too right?” You ask, tone light and facetious.

“Who was that guy.” Bucky asks, always straight to the point.

“My contact here.”

“He seemed awfully friendly.”

“Didn’t take you for a gossip Barnes.” You smile, stepping a little closer, bringing a hand up to pet the baby in his arms. “If you must know, we used to date.”

He hums. “Seems like he’s still interested.” The kitten stands on his forearm, leaning against his chest while it stretches. “If you are I mean.”

You would laugh if you weren’t so surprised. The conversation was beginning to tip toe on that line of unprofessional, you could hear the sirens beginning to wail inside your head. But Bucky is looking at you with all of his attention as he waits for your answer. It’s the same stare that always makes you melt, so you ignore the alarms.

You’re not stupid, you know what he’s really asking.

Are you interested? Single? Looking?

You’re just surprised he cares about the answer.

“I know he isn’t.” You answer, choosing your words carefully, “He has two little girls at home and a gorgeous wife who wants all the same things as him.” You finally leave the cat in his arms alone, resisting the urge to coo as it reaches for you with its paw. “I wasn’t ready. I would’ve kept him waiting too long for all those things.”

It’s a more honest answer than you would normally give, but it’s Bucky. You feel safe with him holding the truth.

He nods, and you notice the slight twitch of his lips. Like he’s fighting a smile.

“I think I have to adopt this cat.” He says, sparring you any follow up questions. He guides the kitten up to his shoulder, where it quickly makes itself at home.

“I already had one of the interns start the paperwork.” You smile knowingly.

“How do you do that?” He asks.

“Do what?”

He holds the kitten up to his face, staring as if it might answer instead of you, “Know exactly what I’m thinking?”

Bucky knew you only acted in the best interests of the campaign. Each event carefully crafted to boost morale, or fix a statistic you didn’t liked

However, for the first time he wondered if maybe you had chosen this event, just because you wanted to go. Okay maybe it wasn’t the entire reason, he was sure you could back up with a graph and something about polling numbers if he asked.

But after everything you’d done for the campaign, he was inclined to let you have the win. Besides, seeing you in a jersey and jean shorts wasn’t something he felt like he needed to be upset about.

Don’t forget the baseball cap, which it really brought home for him.

Honestly the only thing that really pissed him off about today, was the fact that the first baseball he got to watch in eighty fucking years was a Yankees game.

His Ma would be rolling in her grave, and he told you as much.

“What are you a Mets guy or something?” You ask barely tearing your eyes from the field to look at him.

“Mets?” He asks, tilting his head slightly. He hadn’t found much use for baseball since rejoining the world. Watching it on TV felt too static, but he didn’t have the heart to go to a real game alone either.

“Guess not.” You answer yourself.

“Dodgers were my team.” He explained.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this but they’re on the West Coast now.” You say with an over exaggerated grimace.

“Don’t get me started.”

“Didn’t realize you were such a fan.” It’s not a question, but the way your voice lilts up at the end sure makes it seem like one.

He can’t help himself but take the bait.

“My Ma used to bring me and my sister down to Ebbet’s every Sunday. Could never afford tickets but there was a great park right out the stadium, we could hear everything.” He said, feeling himself start smiling just remembering it. “I’d lay on the grass, close my eyes, and pretend I was inside.”

“I hope you know, I’m picturing this all on black and white.” You cracked, if Bucky wasn’t so caught up the memory, he’d notice that your voice was dripping with fondness.

“Very funny.” He responds.

You nudge him with your shoulder. “Keep going.”

“Only got inside once, just me and Steve. We snuck in when we like 15. He was short enough to pass for a kid and I was fast enough to lose security after jumping the turnstile. Best game I ever saw.” He feels himself smiling while he pictures it, “Even though security kicked us out halfway through the fourth inning.”

“You got into a lot of trouble as a kid didn’t you?” You asked, turning yourself in your to face him. While at least as much as you can turn in a stadium seat.

“Steve did, I just felt guilty letting him get in trouble alone.”

“How selfless.” You joke.

“I’ve always been a man of the people.” Talking was so easy with you. Bucky couldn’t seem to stop himself lately.

“I’m sorry but hearing you refer to Captain America as Steve is never gonna stop being weird for me.” You say, taking another sip of your drink. A beer, which had surprised him. He had pegged you for spirits.

“Hearing you call Steve, Captain America is never gonna stop being a total mind fuck for me.”

“Since when do you curse so much Barnes.” You ask, tilting your head in a way Bucky found so cute he thought he might explode.

“Since I have to sit through a Yankees game, sober-“ He nudged you with elbow, reaching over you to tap the bottle in your cupholder, “-and since you’re too tipsy to yell at me about it.”

You shrug, apparently not finding much fault with his argument. “It’s not my fault you have a supernatural metabolism.” You take another sip, grinning at him as you do so. “I don’t get a lot opportunities to drink shitty beer and eat greasy food these days, gotta take advantage.” You finish.

“I’m not judging.” He defends.

“Everything has to be a bit of mind fuck for you though doesn’t it?” You ask. No malice despite the harsh choice of words, just curiosity.

“Who’s cursing now?” He elbows you.

“No seriously. I mean, it can’t be easy, and yet here you are, still trying to make the world a better place.” You lament. For the first time ever, Bucky thinks you might just feel sorry for him. Not because of his past, but because of his decision to go into politics. Which is fitting for you.

“Sure, it’s hard.” He admits, “Ebbet’s is a bunch of apartments, people don’t even go dancing anymore, the Dodgers play for LA, a hot dog costs a month’s rent-“ He pauses, taking a deep breath, “-and Steve is gone.” No matter how many times he says it, it still tastes bitter. You’re right, his entire world had been turned upside down, twice.

“Trying to be good is the only thing I still know how to do.” He finishes. His words hang between you for a moment, and he’s worried he’s said too much.

“People do still go dancing.” You respond.

“They don’t dance the way they used to though. I don’t think I could keep up now.” He says.

“It’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it.” You smile, “I’ll have to take you when this is all over.”

Bucky is too busy reading into that last sentence to try and respond to it. The idea that you think about spending time with him even after the election is enough to send him into a tailspin.

A few minutes of quiet pass between you. You shake your head, taking another swig before speaking. “You don’t give yourself enough credit Bucky.” You say, finally leaving it at that.

Bucky is grateful, he wasn’t sure how he had veered so far off course. Somehow he’d managed to ruin a conversation that he swears was beginning to border on flirting.

Don’t get him started on how flirting as changed.

You’d bumped his shoulder and laughed at enough of his jokes that the old Bucky would’ve asked you out by now. But he didn’t know if either of those things meant what they used to back then. He was pretty sure they did.

He was also pretty sure you’d had at least three beers. You’re the closest to relaxed he’d ever seen you. Laughing freely, not worried about optics, or the political implications of Bucky being seen eating cracker jacks. If he knew you as well as he thinks he’s starting too, you probably have some ‘no dating clients’ rule anyway. It wouldn’t be fair for him to make a move now, not when you could finally breathe.

Regardless of if you were flirting or not.

Besides you wearing jean shorts and it was the first time he’d ever seen anything above your knee and staring at your thighs was the closest thing to drunk Bucky had felt in years. He wasn’t of sound mind to be making decisions like that.

“You’re one of the most selfless men I’ve ever met,” You smile, and your hand reaches over to touch his resting on top of his thigh. “And I’ve met a lot men.”

Bucky feels his brain get dangerously close to exploding.

Somehow, he still manages to find words. “It’s not all selfless.” He confesses. Turning the hand yours was resting on upwards and lacing his fingers through yours.

It’s as forward as his confidence can afford right now.

He squeezes your hand and then releases it. Bucky stands up and resists the urge to stretch his back because Jesus, these seats are uncomfortable. He gets ready to walk away, with the plan of shaking a few hands, and getting you a pretzel (for alcohol absorption purposes of course. It has nothing to do with an comment you made about craving one).

Before he leaves he bends over and whispers his last admission in your ear.

“I’m not trying to make the world a better place. I’m still trying to make him proud.”

8:00 A.M.

That’s when your flight leaves, which means it will board around 7:15 A.M.

So you should really be at the airport by 6 A.M. Your entire team has TSA Pre-check so it shouldn’t take too long but it’s better safe than sorry.

That means you have to leave the hotel by 5 A.M to get to JFK in time.

You need an hour to shower, and get ready so you look some version of human so you can hit the ground running when you land in DC. So wake up at 4 A.M.

You look down at your phone and sigh, 10:45 P.M. If you fell asleep right now you’d be lucky to get five hours of sleep.

Yet you can’t bring yourself to move.

Surely it had nothing to do with the man sitting across the table from you. Bucky raises his eyebrows, giving you that stupid, handsome, knowing look.

“Your brain is working.” He says, lifting his glass to his lips and taking a sip. This time you let yourself stare stare at them.

You had gotten back from the event a little over an hour ago. A charity gala for some businessman’s tax write off. It was a great opportunity for him to rub some elbows, smile and make small talk with all the right people. It was your last stop on his mini Brooklyn tour.

You had joined Bucky, acting as his -strictly professional- plus one. It was out of your normal scope of responsibilities, but Bucky had made a very convincing argument, something about how you were better with names, and faces, and how if you didn’t go he’d end up sulking in a corner all night.

It made the most sense for you to go. Keep Bucky company, feed him names and information. Maybe one quick dance.

It had nothing to do with the fact that saying no to him is quickly becoming impossible.

Definitely nothing to do with wanting to see him in a suit.

“I’m doing the math on when we need to get to the airport.” You tell him.

“Knew it.” He says, “Is that your way of saying we should call it a night?” He asks, but doesn’t move an inch.

He’s giving you an out.

You shake your head. “I’ve done more with less sleep.” You take a sip of your drink. You feel wide awake but you’re pretty sure it’s not from the alcohol. “What about you Barnes, need your beauty rest?”

Bucky smiles, he had shrugged his jacket off when you first sat down. At some point the first few buttons of his shirt had been undone. You’re not even sure when he took the tie off. “Bold of you to assume I ever sleep.”

You had worn a long black dress, formal enough to blend in without drawing attention away from Bucky. It also looked so good on you it was bordering on unprofessional.

You had drank, eaten, and made so much small talk you’d probably have a sore throat tomorrow. Yet when Bucky asked if you were up for a night cap, you once again found yourself struggling to get that two-letter word off your tongue.

You didn’t want say goodbye just yet, and there was something about having him all to yourself that you were starting to become addicted to. So you sat down at a table in the nearly empty hotel bar, and you couldn’t help but think about how you probably looked like a couple to the rest of the world.

“Can I admit something?” You asked, tilting your head.

Bucky nods. “Anything.”

“I didn’t think you stood a chance.”

Bucky almost chokes on his drink. “Jesus, that’s reassuring.” He scoffs.

“You had terrible optics, no political background, and everyone who I asked about you either hated you or was scared shitless of you.” You explain.

“I do have a bad history with politicians.” He cracks. “If I was so hopeless, why’d you take the job?��

Your walls are lowered enough that you give him the real answer. “Needed a change. Didn’t hurt that I thought you were cute.” You take another sip, as if it will hide the heat spreading across your cheeks.

Bucky hums, if he was going to say anything else you don’t give him the chance.

“Bucky you’re my unicorn.” You sigh, cue another embarrassed sip, “You’re a good man, willing to take feedback, and running for all the right reasons.”

You let your words sit there in the silence, biting your lip to force yourself to stop talking. Christ you’re nervous, you’re never nervous, why is he making you so nervous?

“The other guys must’ve been real assholes.” He says, and you know it’s the closest you’ll get to him accepting the compliment.

“This is the first time in ten years I want the person I’m working for to actually win. I want you to win Bucky.”

You wouldn’t normally risk being this honest, this open with a politician, but you were beginning to feel like that word fit him less and less.

Or maybe it was the forced professionalism that was ill suited.

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you hate your job sweetheart.”

You’re already rolling your eyes when you hear it.

Sweetheart.

Your heart stutters, your fingers twitch, your face flushes.

“Love the job, hate the people.” You manage to choke out, finally downing the rest of your glass in an attempt to collect yourself. Buy yourself a little time before you have to talk again. “I get the chance to help make the world better, by making sure the right people are in charge of it. But at the same time I’m the reason Whitmore ever got in office.”

Bucky’s eyes widen.

“Whitmore? I fucking hate that guy.”

You nod, grimacing.

Preston Clay Whitmore IV. You worked for him back when he was running for Senate in Texas, and using all of his Daddy’s money to do it.

“It was my first job, I was his communications consultant. God I hated him.” You shake your head, “But I was fresh out of college, green and broke.”

“A deadly combination.” He offers.

“He thought he was the next Kennedy, and he talked like it. Every single interview, debate, and ad sounded like Preston thought he was gods gift to humanity.” You can still hear his catchy little stupid theme song now.

Whitmore’s a comin’ to Whip DC into shape!

“How’d you turn it around?” He asks, a smile playing at those gorgeous lips.

Okay maybe you are a little buzzed.

“I made him drop the Roman numerals to start.”

You weren’t super enthusiastic about him, and you certainly weren’t thrilled about being in the South. Yet Preston’s father knew all the right people, you knew getting him into office would mean a career. A great one.

You don’t mean to bore Bucky with all of the details of Preston’s campaign, of his miraculous win, and how he ended up being elected the youngest Senator in Texas’ history. But the way he listens, the way he asks you questions. You almost think he enjoyed it.

Suddenly he’s telling you about how he recently got his hands on a tape of one of Steve’s old USO shows, and how he wishes he could hold it over his head.

You’re telling him about how you worked two jobs in high school in order to save up for college.

Then he’s promising to take you to Wakanda someday, once things have settled down some, how it’s nothing like how you picture it.

“I’ve got a few friends from when I lived there.”

You swear your jaw almost hits the floor, “You lived there?”

“Yeah for a few years,” he laughs, “They helped straighten my brain out, made it possible for me to almost be like a real person.”

He smiles, finally polishing off his drink.

“Why do you drink if it doesn’t affect you?” You ask.

He shrugs, the glass still in his hand. “I still like the taste of a good drink, that’s why I didn’t bother with beer or any of the crap being served at the game the other day.” He puts the cup back on the table.

“I think it still has a placebo effect on me too a little bit. Even though I can’t metabolize it, I still feel like it smooths the edges.”

You nod, understanding.

You can’t help but finally look at your phone again.

1:45 A.M. Shit.

You look back up and meet Bucky’s knowing gaze.

“We should go to bed, shouldn’t we?” He asks, this time he shrugs his jacket back on.

“Afraid so.” You answer, voice softer than you expected. “You have to go back to your apartment or can you get a room here?”

He shakes his head, “I got a few things I wanna pack up, plus I have to get Alpine ready.”

You smile, brightening at the mention of your new favorite feline. “You decided on a name!” He nods, his smile just as wide.

“Can I walk you up to your room?” He asks, finally standing.

God you almost forgot just how taller he is.

“You don’t have do that Bucky I’m all the way on the 8th floor.” You stand too, at some point you had kicked your heels off and you can’t be bothered to force them back on, instead leaning down to pick them up in one hand.

“Humor me. Please?” He gives you the eyes, ones you can only describe as begging. The ones he uses whenever his not getting his way, “It’d make me feel less guilty for keeping you up so late.” He takes the shoes out of your hand as he speaks, completely dwarfing them in his grasp.

“I guess it is the least you can do.” You joke, starting to walk towards the elevator. You don’t get far before Bucky catches up and quickly takes the heels out of your hand.

The ride up is spent in silence, but not the awkward kind, like the day at the barbershop. It’s softer, warmer and like the air between you is humming.

Your door is all the way at the end of the hallway, and if you were in tune enough with your body to remember just had badly your feet hurt, you’d probably complain about it.

But right now, with Bucky so close so you can’t bring yourself to worry about a blister.

However, it was only a matter of time before you got to your door. While digging the hotel key out of your purse, you turn around to face Bucky.

“Thank you again, for tonight. And for walking me up to my room.” You nod toward the door, still not moving to open it.

When had he gotten so close? Less than a foot was between you now.

Bucky smiles, looking down at the floor, then back up to you. “Least I could do after you saved me from a night of getting people’s names wrong.”

You laugh, it borders just enough on being a giggle than you feel your stomach turn a little. “Seriously, I had a really good time tonight Bucky.”

You feel yourself leaning into him, it’s not entirely conscious. The smell of his cologne is drowning out the voices screaming: Back up! Move away! Too close! Danger! Danger! Danger!

But he’s leaning in too. With him, it feels the opposite of scary.

“Me too.” He says, his voice is so soft now, and you know this proximity isn’t lost on him.

You feel yourself move before you can actually think about it, your heels lifting up from the ground, your hands rising and settling on his broad shoulders.

And then you kiss his cheek.

As you pull away, it’s like you’re stuck in slow motion. A slow sink down while your hands drift from his shoulders to pecs.

Your eyes are shut, too afraid to open them and see his reaction when-

Bucky leans down and presses his head against yours, forehead to forehead. His chest brushing against yours as you each breathe, or in your case, try to. His eyes are closed too. His brows scrunched the way like when he’s thinking really hard about something.

Your body feels like a live wire when he’s this close. All rational thoughts are completely overwhelmed with the desire, no- the need to kiss him.

You angle your head, tilting your chin and just like that- contact.

He only takes a few seconds to respond.

He’s softer than you imagined, catching your top lip between his and treating it with such care and the whole moment feels so much more, gentle, than you had expected it to.

Not that you had been thinking about it or anything.

He pulls away, but you’re quick to grab one of his a lapels, ensuring he can’t go far. You do your best to read him, before either of you can open your mouths and ruin this.

You can’t decide if he wants to kiss you again or apologize. You’re not sure which you want either.

“I don’t do this.” You say, sounding a lot more breathless than you intended. “Kiss clients, I mean.”

“I know.” He says.

“We really shouldn’t do this.” You add, not sounding even a little confident.

“I know.” He says.

“I have a rule about it.” You try, sounding even weaker.

“I figured.” He says.

But Bucky has made up his mind, with his free hand (which had at some point made its way to your hip), he slowly guides you until your back is flat against the door to your room.

Your hands are still frozen, clutching his jacket. Your knuckles almost white with tension. Your noses are almost touching.

“Just one more.” He says, closing his eyes and pressing his lips back to yours.

Distantly you hear him drop your heels, and feel his hand come up to cradle the side of your face.

He’s not as gentle this time, the force behind his kiss is greater. It’s more confident, hungrier. You can’t help but melt into it, hands climbing until they find a home behind his neck.

You’re hungrier this time too.

You feel your body filling with want and need. The urge to bite and claw him, then kiss and stitch him back together. If you were anyone else you could let it consume you. Part of you wonders if he would let it consume him. The way he’s kissing you, it’s like he already has.

When you break for air, you’re suddenly aware of just how tightly he’s pressed himself against you. How delicious warm, firm, and broad he is.

He drops his head against your shoulder, pressing it into the crook of your neck. You feel him release a long, deep sigh against your neck as if he already knows what you’re thinking.

You allow yourself to run your hands through his hair, just once. Working up the strength to get the words out.

Bucky presses one last soft kiss to your neck and then detaches himself from you.

Wordlessly, he picks up your heels, fixes the strap that had fallen off of your shoulder, and manages to grab your long discarded key card.

He fixes you with a look, one that you hadn’t seen before. It’s reverent, deep, and knocks any words you had out of your mouth.

“After?” Is all he asks.

But you know what he’s asking. “After.” You answer, a firm nod to accompany it.

You don’t need to say more than that, as if the kiss had also created your own short hand.

He smiles, and leans forward to unlock your room. Propping the door open with one hand, he waits until you’ve stepped inside it to hand you your heels, and your key card. As if he can’t resist, he also presses one last chaste kiss to your forehead.

“See you in a few hours sweetheart.” Finally he turns around and he leave.

You stand in the door way dumbfounded until you hear the elevator ding, and then you finally close it.

Your typically nighttime routine takes twice the time it should, with frequently interruptions of muttering “what the fuck was I thinking?” and deep reflective pauses to try and remember what his lips looked like when they were well kissed.

When you finally fall onto the bed, the last thing you see is the digital clock blinking at you, or more accurately taunting you.

2:30 A.M.

“Shit.”

Bucky is Dragging.

He didn’t make it back to his apartment until after three, the walk took him twice as long as it should have because he was too busy thinking about you.

What else is new?

However, this time, his thoughts were clouded with memories, instead of hypotheticals. He remembered how you felt beneath his hands. How you tasted. How you smiled against his lips. How you wanted it as badly as he did.

By the time he’s packed, and the cat is finally stowed away in her travel carrier (a mesh backpack one of the interns had picked up) it’s time for him to head to the airport.

Safe to say the lack of sleep isn’t helping his clarity.

He’s trying his best to listen to what the flight crew is saying, Something something cat, something something landing, something something drink service.

He’s too busy ogling you. And too tired to try and hide it. You were sitting across from him, nose deep in a packet someone had handed to you while boarding.

Normally Bucky would try to sleep on this flight, after all he had kindergarteners to read too once he got to DC. Or something, he honestly wasn’t even sure what he’s rushing back for. All that matters is that he should be sleeping, but he can’t because he doesn’t know what you’re thinking.

Since sitting down you’d been able to spare him a glance, and a tight smile, but that was it.

Maybe you had changed your mind? Sure, your agreement last night wasn’t super fleshed out, but he thought the implication was clear.

After, meaning after the campaign.

He just needed to make sure. God it made him feel like a little boy, even just to admit it to himself.

He clears his throat, and waits for you to finally meet his eyes. “You get any sleep last night?” He asks, if the way your eyes droop are any indication the answer is no.

You shake your head, “About an hour, if I’m lucky.” You tell him, but you smile again, this time it looks more like your own. “You?”

He shakes his head, “Too much to think about.”

You hum, and he knows you’re acutely aware of the staff surrounding you in the plane. Each one is either napping or too engrossed in their own tasks, but still too risky.

“You’re in the home stretch now, little more than two weeks to go.” You say. Placing the files you had been pouring over to the side. “It’s a lot to think about.”

Despite the mention of the rapidly approaching election, Bucky can’t help but relax as you talk. “I was thinking about after.” He says. It’s as on the nose as he can get.

Your smile widens. “You need sleep to get to after, Bucky.”

“Too nervous.” He shoots back.

You shake your head, stretching your legs out in front of you, until the toe of your shoe touches Bucky’s.

“No reason to be nervous. It will still be there.”

That was all he needed to hear.

“It’s worth waiting for.” He says. It didn’t quite make sense in the conversation you’re having out loud. But in the real conversation, the one being had under a layer of professionalism, he’s saying:

You’re worth waiting for.

Based on the way you duck your head, embarrassed. He knows you heard the second one.

“Before you try to sleep, there is something else we should talk about.”

And just like that, you’ve slipped back into the professional. Your voice changes in a way Bucky can’t quite define, but he’s been spending enough time with you that he can hear the difference.

“We’re going to up your security, we have three more guards who will be joining your rotation when we land.”

It catches Bucky totally out of left field. “Wait, what?” He asks.

You nod, “I know it sounds dramatic,” you try to appease him, as if you can already hear the argument on his tongue. “But there have been three credible threats made against you in the past forty-eight hours.”

Bucky shakes his head, “Is it really neces-“

“Yes.” You cut him off, “I don’t care that you’re built like a tank Bucky.” He can’t help the smile that crosses his face at that, “I’m not taking any chances.”

“Yes Ma’am.” He relents, and he feels the shit-eating grinning that’s still plastered across his face. “Any thing else?”

You smile, pleased. “The social media team has drafted a post about Alpine- just stating you’ve adopted her and laying on the cuteness factor. Permission to post?”

“Yea that’s fine.” His eyes dart to the seat next to him, where the little creature is curled in a ball. It’d only been a few days, but it was nice to have a cat again. “What’s on the agenda for today?”

You nod, pulling out your tablet and he hears your (now French) nails tap at the screen.

Were they like that last night? He was pretty distracted, but he surprised he didn’t notice. The novelty of getting to touch you had turned just about everything but the memory of your lips to mush.

“You’re going straight from the airport to Howard Stark Elementary. The plan is for you to tell a few jokes, color a few pages, and read them a Doctor Seuss book or something.” You explain, “It’s grandparents day so there will be other people your age.” Bucky would have believed you if it weren’t for the way you started smiling at the end of the sentence.

It was more of smirk actually. Like you thought you were hilarious.

Even when it was at his expense he was inclined to agree. He doesn’t let it show though, keeping stoic until you break.

“Kidding.” You promise. “Then it’s off to a luncheon with a few of the other candidates. You should be done by three, and then you’re free to nap.”

“Thank god.”

“You mind if I put a suit fitting in your calendar for this week?” You sound like you’re asking, but Bucky knows it’s really just your way of telling him it’s happening. “You should have a new suit ready for election night.”

You make a good point. He had plenty of suits, but he wouldn’t mind having something a new for the big day. “Only if you help me pick it out.” He offers, playing right into your charade of his control.

“Of course.” You agree, standing up and your arms above your head. It causes your blouse to ride up just enough to make his fingers twitch. Then you- as casually as possible- look around.

You must be satisfied by what you see, because when you walk next to Bucky’s seat and lean down so you’re next to his ear. He feels your warm breath hit his skin, and the smell of your perfume has the hair on his neck standing up. He almost doesn’t hear what your whisper.

“As if I’d miss the chance to see you in a suit.”

Then you’re gone, turning around and making your way up to the bathroom as if you didn’t just send him into a tail spin.

Maybe flirting hasn’t changed that much.

You were honest on the plane.

Hell would freeze over before you miss a chance to see Bucky in a suit. Especially after the other night.

But it wasn’t just your new obsession driving this shopping trip.

He was going to win. You wanted him to look devastatingly handsome when he did.

You could feel it now, it was completely in his grasp. You were used to quick results, but this had been unlike anything you’d ever seen before. You’d never seen a candidate jump this far into the lead after only two months.

The numbers looked great. You felt confident saying that despite your very unprofessional bias.

Speaking of-

You’d been back in DC for a week and still hadn’t been alone since. You hadn’t even had a chance to talk about it since the plane.

Did that even count?

Sure, you’d stared at eachother about it, and smiled about it, and brushed eachothers hands about it, but no words had been spoken.

Inside this shop was the closet you’d gotten to privacy. Just you, Bucky, and the old man measuring his inseam.

Much to your surprise, the tailor, Eddie, was Bucky’s pick.

Even more surprisingly, the two of them hadn’t shut up since you walked in the door. You had sat down on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors while Eddie began the fitting. Trying your best to figure out who the hell replaced Bucky with this middle school girl.

“So,” you ask, after a lull in their conversation finally presents itself. “How did you two meet?”

Eddie perks up, as if he just remembered you were there. “We live in the same old folks home.” He tells you, just as Bucky is saying “Neighbors.”

If you had a water you would have done a spit take.

“I’m sorry the same, what?” You ask, lifting a finger in Bucky’s direction as you add “just Eddie.”

Eddie smiles, completely oblivious, as most old men are. “We live in the same apartment complex. Lincoln Estates.” He confirms, too busy measuring to notice your smirk. “Boss man over here just moved into the penthouse.”

“Bucky you told me you moved, but you never said where!”

“On purpose.” He says, voice flat.

Before you can comment, Eddie continues. “Yeah it took some convincing to get the HOA on board, but he technically meets the age requirement. Plus I told them having a congressman in our building might actually get the city to do something about the messed up sidewalk.”

It’s like Bucky can see the jokes forming in your head, “It’s an active adult complex!” He defends, jostling so much that Eddie has to pull him back into place.

“Mhm.” You hum, biting your lips to keep from laughing. “It’s a beautiful building, its by the hospital right?” You ask.

Eddie nods, “Yeah, it’s great! We also have a physical therapist who works out of the building. Plus, there’s a proposal to add a pickle ball court on the roof.”

You nearly choke. “That’s amazing!” You add, completely overdoing your enthusiasm.

Bucky melts in front of you, his face a brighter shade of pink with each passing comment.

Eddie taps Bucky’s shoulder, “Almost done, just gotta run to the back for a few minutes.” It’s innocent enough, but Eddie winks as he says it.

As soon as he’s gone Bucky speaks, “They were pet friendly.”

You don’t ease up, “Were you not gonna tell me?”

“That was the plan.”

“So you were just going to let me figure it out when I saw shuffleboard in the lobby?”

“Why are you in my lobby?” He fires back.

“Don’t change the subject.”

“There’s no shuffleboard in the lobby.” He laments,“Honestly, the apartment itself is normal.”

“Are there handle bars in your shower?” You ask.

Bucky sighs, it’s obvious he will not be winning this round, “They’re very convient.”

You stand up, walking over to a display of ties. You run your fingers over the different fabrics, stopping when your fingers land on a baby blue one. “Bucky do you know how much of your appeal as a candidate relies on the fact that you’re not an old man?”

“I thought my appeal was being an Avenger.”

“Avenger adjacent.” You add, part of your job is to keep him humble afterall. “Yes, that’s a lot of it too, but so is your physical age. If we take out the popsicle years, you’re about to become one the youngest senators on the floor.”

“Popsicle years?” He asks, making that stupid, cute questioning face he always gives you.

You give him a quick, but apologetic look, realizing how that sounded, “Seriously Bucky, just try to keep a low profile in the building for a bit. Last thing we need is someone’s Nana spreading gossip about you.”

He winces and you fix him with a stern, ‘What does that mean?’ look.

You grab the blue tie and walk over to Bucky. “I promised to bring Captain America to the next Barbecue.” He admits.

You’re standing in-front of Bucky now, so close your toes almost touch. Wordlessly, you bring the tie up and around his neck, tucking it under his collar. “You like it there?”

He nods, “I do.” You can feel the weight of his eyes as you begin to tie his tie. You try you best to focus on the steps, but the way he’s staring makes it hard not to mess up. “They play music I actually know, and treat me like I’m just a regular guy.”

You smile. “Then that’s all that matters.”

He smiles back. Clearing his throat as you finally pull the knot tight. You let your hands linger this time, the way they had wanted too that day in the barbershop. You rest your palms against his chest, finally lifting your chin to meet his eyes.

“Still pissed you didn’t tell me though.” You tease.

“Promise not to do it again.” He says. His tone isn’t quite as airy as yours.

Just as you’re about to back up, his hands find your hips. The short distance between you feels so charged, trying to come up with any words feels impossible.

You have a rule and you already broke it once. You’re not trying to get in the habit of breaking it again, not when you’re so close to the finish line. But you can smell his cologne, feel his breath, and it all makes you dizzy.

You should say something. Tell him you shouldn’t, tell him it’s not a good idea, tell him Eddie will be back any second.

“Hi.” You whisper.

Fuck that is not what you were gonna say.

“Hi.” He smiles back, pulling you just a little closer. He looks down at the tie, “Blue?”

“Matches your eyes.” You try and make it sound like the most obvious thing in the world, a futile attempt attempt to break the tension. You realized it had the opposite effect of when you feel his grip tighten.

“Bucky.” You warn, but still not dropping your hands.

He ignores it. “What if I fire you?” He asks

You laugh. Unable to help it, you lean forward and rest your forehead against his chest. “Don’t tempt me.” You exhale.

He leans down and presses a kiss to the top of your head. “One week, then you’re taking me dancing.” He says. You tilt your head up towards him, l body all but melted against him at this point and you give in. Leaning up onto your toes you’re just about to press your lips to his when-

“All right Buddy you are all set!” Eddie’s voice booms as he walks back into the room. You and Bucky jump apart like guilty teenagers.

Bucky recovers quicker than you do. “That’s great Eddie, what do I owe you?”

You pick up your bag, and do your best to try and fight the heat in your cheeks. “It’s my treat.” You insist, reaching into your purse to grab your card.

“No way.” Bucky fights back, his wallet is already opened on the counter.

“I’m the one who insisted you get a new suit Bucky.“ you fight back.

“It’s my treat.” Eddie says. “Consider it your house warming present.”

You can tell Bucky is stunned, “You sure it’s not a bribe to get that sidewalk fixed?” He jokes.

“Next one is free if you pull off that miracle.” Eddie smiles, and then not so gently adds, “Now get out of my shop and go flirt somewhere else.”

You laugh, embarrassed. “Thank you Eddie.” You look over at Bucky. “You do good work.”

“I know.” He winks.

The sun beats down on you as you step outside. Eager to get to air conditioning, you walk ahead of Bucky, joking about how he was going to sweat through his new suit.

He’s about fifteen feet behind you, halfway through a comment about how he won’t miss New York winters (as if DC is that much warmer) when you hear the car come to life. Your hand is a foot from the door when the world erupts.

There’s a sudden breeze, then a flash of heat. You feel yourself fly through the air, before you back crashes into something hard and jagged. Then you hear the blast, the reverberation of it shaking the ground you landed on.

Your body starts to catch up, the rest of the world coming back into focus. Your leg is throbbing and you can feel yourself coughing, but you can’t hear a thing over the ringing in your ears.

You look around, trying to find Bucky, but everything is covered in a blanket of smoke. Distantly, you register the car. The entire frame is on fire and either it flew across the street, or you did.

Then it all goes black.

It was like the entire thing had happened in slow motion.

One second you were laughing, smiling at him like you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else- the next thing he knew you were rumpled against a brick wall, covered in dust, blood, and your leg bent beneath you in a that definitely wasn’t natural.

Bucky was far enough away that he only had a few bumps and scrapes. He didn’t even need stitches.

You weren’t so lucky, and you didn’t even have serum on your side.

Every single Doctor who came to check on you marveled at the fact that you had managed to get away with just a few broken ribs, a punctured lung, a concussion, and a fractured leg.

Nothing absolutely this felt lucky to him. He spent three hours waiting for you come out of surgery. It felt like you had been seriously hurt, and it was his fault.

If he had gotten to the car first. If he hadn’t sent the extra security home early. If he had taken a separate car instead of making some lame excuse about saving gas just to be closer to you. This wouldn’t have happened.

Bucky has never needed help with coming up with new and inventive ways to feel guilty and he had plenty of time to do so while he waited for you to wake up.

As an act of contrition he forces himself to just watch. Watch you breathe, watch your fingers twitch, watch your monitors and try in vain to decipher them.

No pacing, no yelling, no tracking down the men who set it all up. None of the things he’d have done if it wasn’t for the fact that he could hear your voice in his head telling him not to.

Telling hum how violence doesn’t suit him, doesn’t match the Bucky he’s become. A man he’s trying very hard to be right now.

You also keeps telling him to call his therapist, but that’s not happening.

Somewhere around hour two he had taken off the tie, it was dirty, dusty, and speckled in your blood from when he lifted you out of the rubble. Now he just kept wrapping and unwrapping it in his hands, anxiety radiating off of him in a way he hasn’t felt in years.

It’s doesn’t matter how many people tell him you’re going to be fine. Their words don’t change how small you look in the hospital bed, how cold your hands feel when he tries to hold them. The bruise from where you hit your head looks brighter every time Bucky can bring himself to look at it, dark purple staining your forehead.

He’s exhausted. A few hours of sleep would do him a world of good, but he can’t sleep until he sees the whites of your eyes.

Bucky has always hated hospitals. He hated them back in when he’d go visit Steve as a kid. He hated them in the war, when they were just tents help to other by rope and a bandaid. He hated them in Wakanda, when he was getting his bearings, relearning how to be human.

He hated them most, when he was a visitor. Being patient comes with a certain degree of acceptance. There’s a surrender that comes with being a patient too, being able to let someone else make all the hard decisions for him.

As a visitor there is no comfort. He sits in the world’s most uncomfortable chair, and waits. He waits for doctors to come with news, he waits for you to need anything. Waits to to feel useful. The rest of the waiting is just a reminder of how no matter what he believes, what he trains for, or what he does, he has no control.

Looking at you here, connected to tubes is a reminder of why he has can never let his guard down. He knew better than to get close, he certainly knew better than to start whatever this thing between the two of you was. He’s already convinced himself that he’s going to get as much distance from you as possible as soon as-

You wake up, or more accurately you groan into consciousness.

Your eyes crack open, lips parting like you’re trying to speak. At your side your hand lifts, stretching as much as it can towards him.

Bucky grabs your hand, holding it between both of his. “Hey sleepyhead.” He whispers.

You hum, craning your head with a wince towards the untouched glass of water on your table. Bucky grabs it wordlessly and brings the straw to your lips, “Small sips.” He encourages. You nod, closing your eyes as you drink.

When you finally pull away, you fix him with a worried look, as if he’s the one laying in the hospital bed.

“You look,” You clear your throat, “-like shit.” You voice is hoarse. He knows how smoke inhalation feels, like swallowing around glass. That’s without having been intubated.

Bucky is sure his relief is palpable, his entire body unclenches. “Then you probably shouldn’t look in the mirror sweetheart.” He says, presenting you the cup for another sip. This time you take the cup from his hands. “You got one hell of a shiner on your forehead.”

You lift a hand to your temple, recoiling when you make contact. “I’ll get bangs.” You say, not giving it another thought. Dropping your hand back to your side, you take a deep breath, or you try too, but a wince interrupts it. “It was really bad wasn’t it?” You ask.

Bucky doesn’t want to be the one to tell you. He doesn’t want to say that you’ll be in a boot for at least three months. That you’ll be out of work for two. Doesn’t want to tell you that if you had been six inches closer to that car you’d be dead.

“What happened?” You whisper.

Of course you don’t remember, you were ten feet into a brick wall, how could you? Never-mind the concussion to the mix.

“Car bomb.” He explains, “Turns out you were right about needing the extra security.”

“Add it to the list.” You smirk at that, lips cracked from dehydration. You look down, noticing the bump of the bandages around your leg. You bring a hand to your ribs, gently feeling at the wrap there as-well. “Shit.” You whisper.

He nods. “Was worse than really bad.” One of his hands crept up to cradle your hand, two fingers pressed firmly to your pulse. He needs to feel anchored to this moment, to the reality that you’re okay.

He’s fixed his gaze on the blankets covering you, when all of sudden you start to cry.

Your chest heaves with silent sobs and a few scattered tears run down your cheeks. Then you let out a pathetic whimper than Bucky can’t for the life of him understand.

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” He tries to soothe, moving so he’s sitting on the edge of your bed next to your legs. He brings a hand up to cradle your face, sweeping away the tears with his thumb.

You nuzzle into his palm, resting the entire weight of your head against it while you mumble something.

“Honey I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me, buts it’s okay. You’re okay now, everything is fine. You’re only gonna be in a boot for three months! The rest will heal on its own with some rest.” He explains, smoothing your hair as he speaks.

“I almost died.” You explain, slower this time. “And now I’m gonna have bangs when you win!” You add, sounding even more wrecked.

Already thinking about work. You’re still you. Under the scratchy voice and bruised skin, you still have all of your priorities out of order. You still have your sparkle. Something Bucky had spent the last several hours afraid you’d lost.

“It’s gonna be okay.” He promises, “We have a week until the election, no need to pull out the scissors just yet.” He reminds you.

“Six days.” You bite back. The ghost of a smile on your face as you calm down. You nod towards the nurses chart on the wall, “It’s tomorrow, only six days left.” You explain.

“My apologies.” He jokes. Dropping his palm from your face back to your hand.

“You’ve been here all night haven’t you?” You ask, eyes looking him over, taking in his disheveled state. Bucky nods, fighting a yawn as you say it. You give him a real smile this time, all of your warmth directed squarely at him. “Better not be blaming yourself Barnes.”

God, you know him better than he gives you credit for. “That’s because it is my fault.” He admits, suddenly finding great interest in the floor.”

“No.” You say, voice firm.

“If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t-“ He stops, choking on the words.

“Did you put the bomb in the car Bucky?” You ask. Tone sharp and unyielding. He instantly recognizes it, having heard you use with anyone who tries to challenge you. He’s never heard anyone succeed.

“No.” He answers, still unable to look at you. “But that doesn’t change-“

“Bucky.” You interrupt, “Look at me.” He listens, as always. “This is not your fault.”

He wants to fight with you, to yell that is, to give you a hundred different reasons why you should run in the opposite direction.

“I got hurt, because someone wanted to hurt you.” Knife - twisted. “Both of those things can be true, without it being your fault. Okay?”

He nods, “Okay.” He says.

“It’s my pity party, don’t make it about you.”

He almost laughs at that, there’s something about you that makes wallowing so much harder. Besides, you’re you’re giving him that smile, how could he.

So he chooses to believe you, at least until the voices start up again.

“I talked to your boss.” He says.

“Oh?” You ask.

“Some wannabe congressman.” He elaborates.

“Oh!” You giggle, catching on. “How’d it go? He’s a real hardass.”

“He was tough,” he plays along, “But I managed to convince him to give you PTO for the next four months.”

“Wow.” You pretend to be surprised, “That’s very generous considering my contract is up in a week.”

“Mmm, he said something about that too.” You widen your eyes, “Said he had big plans for you.”

You nod, smiling wide. “I can’t wait to hear them.” The second half of your sentence is lost to a yawn.

Bucky feels lighter as he watches you snuggle into the blankets. It’s hard to resist the urge to crawl in next you, but he’s been fighting those kinds of thoughts since Brooklyn. He hasn’t earned the right to that domesticity- yet.

“You should go home. Sleep, feed your cat. Maybe go crazy and take a shower.”

He nods, already picturing the stink eye he’d get from Alpine when he got home. He still wasn’t used to having a roommate. “A shower is probably a good idea.” He says, standing up.

“Thank you,” you say, and Bucky looks at you quizzically. “For staying,” you explain, “I was so worried about you, waking up and seeing your face was-“ You stop, and he watches you search for the right word. “Everything.”

He leans over, kissing the crown of your head, something thats quickly become a habit. “No where else I would have been.” He answers. “Call me later?” He ask.

You nod, “I promise.”

This was arguably worst than being in an explosion.

Okay maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but never in your career had you been forced to watch your victory from the comfort of your deeply uncomfortable couch. If this injury has taught you anything, it’s that you really need to invest in better furniture. It’s amazing the things you learn when you actually spend time in your home.

You also didn’t have any food in the house, which is why you were still waiting on your third DoorDash of the day. No pity party was complete without a snack.

Back to the torture at hand.

On your screen, in gorgeous technicolor you watched in real time as it was revealed that the voters chose Bucky as New York’s newest Congressmen.

He had given a wonderful speech, short, succinct and powerful, like him. You had proofed it so of course it was perfect. Then as the crowd applauded you watched as the team you had spent the last several weeks of your life managing, celebrated without you.

Blue confetti rained down, getting tangled in his hair, and blurring with his gorgeous blue tie (you had a replacement delivered to him after seeing how ruined it was at the hospital). Sure they had all been calling and texting you throughout the night, you knew they missed you. Almost all of them had already sent you a congratulatory text

Almost all.

The entire day, the one person you didn’t hear from was the person you wanted to talk to the most.

Bucky was avoiding you.

At least you think he is, he wasn’t answering your calls or texts. You knew first hand how chaotic election days were, add to that how Bucky often forgot his phone even existed. A week ago you would’ve written it off as nerves clouding his mind. Two months ago you’d have forgiven it as him having other people to celebrate with.

That was before three things happened:

1. He kissed you so well, you forgot you’d ever been kissed by anyone else.

2. He spent all night at the hospital, waiting for you to wake up.

3. He spent all week texting, FaceTiming, and calling you non-stop. Partly because you were working remotely to get the campaign across the finish line. Partly because ‘he needed to hear your voice again.’

‘Needed too’ until this morning.

He was all vague promises of a plan and sending you cute photos of Alpine, until today.

Maybe this was his plan, ruin you for all other men, and then ghost. You were pretty sure he doesn’t even know what ghosting is, but it’s happened to enough times that you’re skeptical.

To top it all off, you can’t event drink. Your special cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics ruling it out completely. It was a sad predicament, just you, the dry bowl of cereal you had for dinner, and the eleven o’clock news.

It had been almost forty-fives minutes since the results were annouced, and still no word from Bucky. After triple checking your ringer is on, you shut the TV off. It was almost time for your next dose of Tylenol, hopefully it would give you the extra push towards sleep.

Knock knock knock.

For a moment you panic, no one knocks on your door. You don’t know your neighbors, and then you remember.

DoorDash!

Sacrificing grace for speed, you hobble over to the door. You weren’t used to maneuvering with the boot, still cringing everytime time it scraped against the floor.

You opened the door without thinking, looking down expecting to see a brown bag of greasy comfort. Instead you see black dress shoes.

Ones you instantly recognize, you bought them after all.

Your eyes work their way up slowly, clocking the brown bag clutched in his hands. Then the rest of the way to his handsome face.

“Shouldn’t you be at a party somewhere Bucky?” You ask.

He gives you that smile, the one that makes your stomach flip. “Yeah I should be.” He says, and despite how pissed you were five minutes ago, you let him in.

In all your time together you had never felt scared of Bucky. Nervous? Sure, but never scared. Except for right now. Staring at him in your apartment, watching him put the bag of food on down, you were scared. Not of the man, but of your very big, heart pounding in your chest feelings for him. Scared because you had let yourself fall, hard. You had let yourself plan and dream and fall asleep every night thinking about how you would grab him and kiss him the second they announced he won.

Then he ignored you all day. Had he finally realized your organization was annoying? That having a plan A, B, C and D wasn’t called being prepared and was actually called being crazy.

He was watching you too now, and despite your fear, it was like your body came to life under his gaze. A week without seeing him in person made being this close feel electric. Then Bucky broke your gaze and it was like all the sparks died.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I wanted to do this in person.” He explains, coming closer.

A sense of doom creeps up your neck as you watch him approach. You’re stuck in the entryway, as if the boot on your leg has become a cement block and your body can’t be bothered to try and move it.

This is it, you think he’s here to tell me, whatever this almost was, is over.

“You’re fired.” He says, his voice is monotone but his face is wearing an expression you can only describe as a satisfied grin. It feels a little tone deaf given the circumstances.

You open your mouth, hoping to find a biting comeback, or even a sour ‘congratulations’ would work, anything to show him you are not on the same wavelength when lips find yours.

Bucky kisses you, and it’s so obvious he had been holding out on you in Brooklyn. He’s cradling your face in between his palms, but this time he’s not holding you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. It’s not the desperate hunger and grabby hands from New York

This time it’s all softness. It doesn’t take long for you to melt, hands finding his neck and making a home there. You both relax into the kiss, all of the stress, the tension, and blurred lines finally lifted. All that’s left are two people.

You kiss Bucky in until your lungs feels like they will explode. Pulling away Bucky follows you, trying to chase your lips- briefly succeeding, before finally settling for resting his forehead against yours.

You catch your breath, lungs weak, leg going numb from standing on it for so long. lips smiling so wide you’re afraid your face might split in half. Delirium.

“You skipped your party to fire me?” You ask. Tone light, giggles interrupting each word.

Bucky nods and his hands travel to your waist, where they plant themselves firmly. He lifts you and brings you that last foot forward so your chest is pressed to his.. “Knew exactly how I wanted to celebrate.” He explains, lips brushing yours as he says it.

You want to ask him more questions, does he have to leave? can he stay forever? what does this mean? was the food still hot when he brought it in?

Instead you kiss him again. When you break away this time it’s because your lips are numb.

“I know today was crazy, and I should have called you back, I wanted to so badly. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to handle hearing your voice without coming here.”

It sounds a bit dramatic, but he says it so earnestly, you don’t question it. “That’s a good reason.” You whisper, “If you had come here and kissed me like that I wouldn’t have let you leave.”

Bucky tried to kiss you again, but it’s sloppy, both of you smiling too much into the kiss. “You gonna keep me?” He asks.

You nod, shoving the suit jacket down off of his shoulders you can you rest your hands there. Feel all of the strength and power there. Bucky is pliant under your touch, letting it fall to floor with a soft thump. “Yeah, Brooklyn’s gonna need to find someone else.” You answer, “Besides you ruined my job, how am I ever supposed to work with someone else now that I’ve had you.”

Bucky kisses you again, one hand snaking up under your shirt to ghost over your ribs.

“Had an idea for that.” Bucky says he pulling away, but still not detaching. You tilt your head, silently asking him to go on. “Gonna need to adjust my team, now that I’ll be sticking around in DC. There’s one job I need to fill.” He said explains, “You’d be around me constantly, telling me what to do and what not to do.” You smile.

“I do have some recent experience with that type of work.” You offer, “Need me to email you my resume?” You ask, bringing one hand up to scratch your nails down the back of his neck. You watch gleefully as he shivers beneath your touch.

He shakes his head, “You’re overqualified.”

“What is it?” You ask.

“Chief of Staff.”

If it wasn’t for the boot (and the concussion) you’d jump on him. Spend every day with him, and actually do good?

“I accept!” You answer, pressing your chest against his, afraid the ball of light forming inside of it will explode if you don’t glue yourself to him.

After months of calculated touches, and fighting your instincts, the freedom to hold him is addictive.

“Thank god.” He whispers and kisses your forehead, neither of you have stopped smiling. “There’s one other job though.” He says. “It would mean sneaking around, and flying under the radar.”

“Sounds dangerous.” You say.

“Mhmm, it is. Comes with the risk of spending even more time with me, maybe forever.”

“Don’t think that’s long enough.” You respond, distantly wondering who is this sappy, boy-crazy girl and what has she done with you?

Bucky squeezes you again, as if he’s making sure you’re still real. “I’ve got a lot of shit to unpack, you sure you wanna take all that on?”

You nod fervently, “I can handle it Barnes.”

He presses one more kiss to your lips. “I know better than to doubt you.”

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading! I have no expectations posting this, I just started writing and couldn’t stop! I love these two so much. Anyway, I hope it didn’t suck, love you say it back

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yeonmuse · 1 day ago

Text

THE SPACE BETWEEN HEARTBEATS Y.JW

synopsis: He made you a promise, no matter where the stars led him he would always return home to you. Sometimes fate tests promises and the stars don’t always align how you planned. 365 days, thats how long he’d been stranded. A year of aimlessly drifting through space, confined to the infinite stretch of stars and sky. Nothing there but time and distance, distance that keeps him awake at night for the heart-wrenching fact of knowing that it kept him from you. Lightyears away from the one he loved, and your intertwined fates were left at the unpredictable will of space. Your hearts that once beat as one, were miles apart an unspeakable space between them.

log: yang jungwon & fem!rea ⋆♱✮ fluff/angst 16k wc ༯ contains! non idol enhypen. astronaut jungwon ꫂ Ot7───★˙nainais library !!

℘an᭪ : I’ve been sitting on this fic for quite some time now, and its one of my favorite tropes out of all that I’ve written so far so I hope you guys enjoy this one. This fic truly does mean the world to me and it's the first time that i've written something this long. I really put my heart into this one and after weeks of bouncing back and forth between this and chrome hearts i'm finally done. Special thank you to @heesmiles and @filmsbyun for helping me with title ideas.

warnings: suicide jokes, mentions of death, panic attacks & depressive episodes

📼 PLAY ME

INTERLUDE

You were used to the sound of his heartbeat, a consistent melodic thump against his chest that synchronized with your own when you touched. Every hug, every kiss, fingers tracing skin, nights spent entrapped in the sheets speaking soft whispers while legs intertwined, your hearts had always beat as one. Interpersonal Synchronization that’s what they called it— the phenomenon where two individual hearts align. Just like the stars, yours and Jungwons heartbeats had always been synced from the early stages of childhood friendship to, to the early stages of your marriage. Two different souls intertwined and bound to one another linked by their unconditional love for each other.

From the moment Jungwons eyes found you amongst all of the other kids he’d known right then and there he would be the one to love you until death parted you. Seven years old when he found you sitting beneath a tree on the playground, book in your lap— the way you read while absent mindedly picking at the grass and flowers beneath you had fascinated him then. if anyone else had seen it they'd say it was nothing special, you loved to read? So did hundreds of others…you loved flowers?? So did other girls. You were a simple girl, quiet, well kept, intelligent for your age, maybe even more than him and while most would find that threatening or intimidating it only made his admiration for you grow.

He’d start to pick up on small things you did, the way you nervously fiddled with your uniform skirt when anxious, straightening your lashes with your fingers or twirling them in your shirt when you were deeply immersed. Never found without a book in your hands, a social butterfly but for the most part you seemed to favor being alone. Sweet soft-spoken girl who was intelligent beyond comparison yet shied away whenever she was assigned presentations, or chose to do citations in front of the class. The girl who’s eyes lit up at the mention of her favorite things, who stared at with fascination and curiosity swimming behind those eyes upon first meeting.

Then as the two of you grew older you had become more confident, more sure of yourself. Still that sweet and attentive girl he’d always known just grown up now, more secure in who she was. The girl that never took no for an answer, scolded him whether he was right or wrong, always spoke up for the things she was passionate about. The girl he realized that he would truly give the moon and the stars if he could capture them in his hands.

The moment his fate became intertwined with your own he vowed to never let you go even before marriage vows were exchanged at the altar. Sixteen years old, the two of you had stayed out past the setting sun, long enough to see the moon take its place. You were fast asleep on his shoulder while watching the stars and he whispered his sacred vow to take care of you for as long as he lived, like the stars in the sky you were precious to him. An unspoken promise to you of being kept, no matter how long time dragged on or how far apart the two of you were he would always return to you.

A promise that would be broken years later, not by him but by fate, by the unpredictability of space and its undying will to keep the two of you apart. Hearts no longer in sync, no longer aligned due to the distance between the two, the distance between your heartbeats.

THE SPACE BETWEEN HEARTBEATS

“Count the stars backwards then forwards, by the time the last star is accounted for I’ll be home, i'll always come back to you” - yjw

In the empty living room you sat, dark circles beneath your eyes as you listened to the soft ticking of the clock, eyes trained on staring at the starful sky then the pictures on the wall that once gave comfort—- now they just haunted you. This had become a routine if yours, forcing yourself to stay awake until you were on the verge of chronic insomnia. You wouldn’t dare sleep, couldn’t, not when he was out there, not when you’d gone so long staying up late nights waiting for him to walk through those doors, for him to return to you.

July 16th 2024 that was when you heard the news, fingers trembling, thoughts sent awry, you were forced to come to grasps with the fact that the love of your life wasn’t coming home. Words through the phone slipped through one ear and out the other as they explained it to you. A bunch of technical bullshit that seemed not so important at the time of being told because the only important detail that mattered was your husband, the man you’d loved since eleven years old was stranded in space. You cried yourself to sleep that night, and nights after. Your friends and family tried their best to reassure you that he was okay, that they’d find him and he’d come walking through that door just like he had after every other trip. But it's been a year since then and you were starting to find it hard to come to grasp with the fact that he may have been long gone.

A year, a year of uncontrollable tears and forcing yourself to get out of bed for work and errand runs. You were on autopilot, a continuous get up and go that couldn’t be ceased until you knew he was okay, until you knew he’d be coming home but so much time had gone by and you heard nothing. Not one update on his whereabouts or if they were even searching to bring him home, and maybe that was your own fault. You’d shut out his friends and coworkers, you avoided every tabloid with the mention of his name. Not that you didn't want to know it was just too painful to be aware, painful to know that the distance between you and him was unattainable. You had never felt so alone without him, but the worst feeling was knowing that he was truly alone. Drifting through the silence of space with no company other than the stars and the moon— the same moon that you begged to bring him home safely with every passing night.

A knock at the door pulls you from your thoughts, forcing you to look away from the pictures of Jungwon long enough to see your best friend push open the door and come inside.

“Sheesh you have it so cold in here.” He shivers as he makes his way into the kitchen setting down a handful of grocery bags.

“I told you you didn’t have to come by today's bin.” You respond, exhaust evident in your tone as you reaffirm the words you’d previously spoken to him.

Soobin simply brushes off your words as he shuffles to put away all of your newly supplied groceries and pre cooked meals. He, Beomgyu and Taehyun had spent hours cooking for you— while also arguing who’d be the one to bring it to you. “You tell me a lot of things but we both know I’m not known for my listening skills.”

A slight smile curls onto your lips as you let out a lighthearted laugh. You were truly grateful for Soobin and the others for being the ones to make you smile on days where you find it hard to ever live.

“Should have known better I guess.” You respond softly, pushing yourself up off the couch and joining him in the kitchen.

“Yes you should have.” He responds with a cheeky smile as he puts away the last of the groceries. You weren’t sure what to say at that moment but the silence was killing. You were tethering between wanting to say thank you and apologize to him for being a burden, but knowing Soobin he’d try to shut both down immediately, telling you the same thing he always did “that’s what friends are for.”

“What did you bring today?” You ask, the words coming out fainter than intended as you rest your head on your palms.

“Taehyun made bentos, Beomgyu made you a pasta bread bowl, and I went to a simple kimchi jjigae. There's rice in the cabinet when you’re ready for it.” He sets out each dish before you as he lists them out, laying your choices out as if he were waiting for you to decide so that he could make sure you were eating properly. “Thank you Binnie, it means a lot that all of you go out of your way for me like this. I wish I could..that I could repay you.” Soobin sucks his teeth at your gratitude, you were sure he wanted to tell you there was no need to continuously thank him but he held back.

It was obvious to him that you were tired, he was no stranger to the way your lifestyle had changed since getting the news about Jungwon. You’d stopped going into your shop, started eating and sleeping less, and often when you finally did sorry your schedule was completely fucked. Most of your days were starting to blend into one, a long continuous day of counting hours, minutes and seconds waiting to talk to the moon again.

“So..did you talk to any of them today?” He questions, a little hesitance in his tone as if he were walking on eggshells asking this.

“No.” You respond, blunt and straight to the point. No reason to lie or come up with excuses as to why you hadn’t spoken to any of them because he knew why.

“Yn you can’t shut them out, I know they were closer to him than they were to you but they care for you too, and i’m sure they’ve been hurting just as much over this as you have.” He responds, trying his best to convince you without overstepping.

“Soobin I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Then when? It’s been a year and you haven’t spoken a word about him but everyone knows you miss him. You don’t sleep, barely eat unless someone's looking over your shoulder, you’ve stopped going into the book store and you’ve been avoiding all of the people that care about you, you can’t hold it in it’s been a year. You have to talk about it, about him.” The silence that lingered between the two of you was loud and painful, but you weren’t sure what to say. Soobin was right, he was always right but you weren’t ready to accept the inevitable. You didn’t want your mind to linger on the what ifs or maybes.

Soobin sighs, resting his palms against the counter as he watches you searching your brain for the right words to say that could get you out of this conversation. “yn if you won’t talk to any of us then maybe you should see someone? A professional that can actually help, actually tell you how to cope.”

“You mean a therapist. Pay someone to sit and listen to my problems that I know can’t fix my heart. Can a therapist bring him back home to me? Can a therapist make up for a year of lost time with the man I desperately have been wanting to see since I got that call?” Soobins lips press into a thin line and he goes silent. He knew the conversation would go this way, it always had, but as much as he understood your pain he also understood that this was not healthy for you.

“And do you think Jungwon would be happy that this is how you’re choosing to live? Do you think he’d be happy knowing that his wife— the woman he calls his star, is sitting at home shutting everyone out, crying alone, not eating or taking care of herself?” Soobins persistence was starting to annoy you, no matter how many times you’d told him you were fine he’d always made it a priority to pull the things out of you that you tried desperately to hide.

“He wouldn’t yn. And you know just as well as I do that whether he's 5 feet away or millions he’d agree with me on this. I’m not saying that you have to go and love it, hell if you go for a week and it doesn’t help the blame me and you never have to step foot in the place again but you can’t just let this build up. Please.” Your eyes searched for the smallest hint of him giving up, of him just letting this go and letting you continue to deal with it as you always had but he wasn’t giving up, not on you.

“One week bin, i'll go for one week.”

“Perfect because I already scheduled your first appointment before I got here.” He responds, turning around to put away the rest of your drive for tomorrow.

“fucker.” You mumble under your breath while turning to crawl back out the couch.

“I heard that, and I love you too.” You scrunch up your nose at him, giving a side eye of fake annoyance as you watched him heat up the bento for the two of you to share— because he knew you wouldn’t eat it all alone.

——

There was nothing or no one to keep him company and the silence had become tantalizing. Not a peep was heard throughout the entire place. Not the soft hum of an air conditioner, the ticking of the clock that once rang familiar in his ears, even the sound of the old creaky floor back home had been missed by him. Most of all he missed you, he missed your lips, your smile, your laugh, he missed resting his head against your chest and listening to the faint sound of your heartbeat, a sound he wasn’t sure he’d ever get to hear again at this point.

Jungwon had never been a pessimist, he was always certain that every failure made you come back two times better, every loss made you stronger, that no matter how tough life got it was sure to get better. He knew the grass was greener on the other side, it had to be, Right? He’d told himself that many times throughout his life, he convinced himself that he could fix anything, solve any problem if he just stayed positive but he couldn’t fix this, this was a problem that he couldn't solve, not on his own. He was alone, losing the little hope he had left, hope of getting back to you and holding you like none of this ever happened.

Every day for the past 365 days he’d wondered what you were doing, if you were okay or if you ever thought about him. He wondered if you were waiting for him, or if you’d moved on, found someone to love you in his absence and give you all the affection that he was so desperately missing from you. A sigh spills from his lips as he stares out the shuttle window, the same view he’d had for the past year now making him sick to his stomach rather than giving him a sense of security. The stars were dizzying, solemn because they were something he couldn’t escape. The one thing he’d always loved most in this world (other than you of course) was driving distance between the two of you.

“Riot thirteen this is Yang.” He hesitates for a moment, part of him still held onto the belief that someone would hear him, but the other part was losing faith. “I’m still here…if you can hear me…just…just tell yn that I love her, that I don’t know how or when but I’ll come home to her. I'll make sure that I get to her. If I’m going to breathe my last breath it won’t be here. It’ll be with her.” Silence, the other line was always silent. He was starting to wonder why he even tried.

The endless stretch of stars outlined by the swirls of purple and blue were becoming more haunting by the day. A reminder that hec remained trapped within the very place that once gave him comfort. He had never felt nervous or frightened when it came to his space adventures, mostly because he was always so sure he’d return to you. But here and now it was hard to choke back his nerves or fear that he just might not make it home to you, that you’d lost him without ever getting the chance to say goodbye.

You had been fast asleep when daylight broke, one of the scarcity of nights in which you had finally gone to sleep at a decent time. You didn’t know if it was the fatigue of crying yourself to sleep once soobin had gone or if he’d given you enough hope of getting better that aided in your decent slumber for once but you were thankful. It didn’t last though, you were woken up to the sound of curtains being drawn back and Soobin screaming an annoying wake up call.

“Rise and shine Bella, therapy awaits.” With an annoyed groan you stuff your face into your pillow to block out the sun.

“Five more minutes.” You grumble, Soobin immediately dismisses your words as they’re muffled due to your face being stuffed into the underside of your pillow.

“Five more minutes will turn into an hour with you, come on up.” Tearing the covers off of you he throws them aside, realizing you still weren’t making any moves he hoists himself up onto the bed and starts to jump. “Get upp, you promised you’d put in the effort for at least a week, time to get up Bella.”

“I'm starting to regret my decision.” You groan, finally pulling the pillow from your face and throwing it aside. “And who the hell is Bella?”

“Bella you know, twilight..? Remember how she got all sad and depressed when Edward left. She's just like you, that's literally you.” He explains, jumping down from your bed and dismissing the judgmental look you’d been giving him.

“You’re comparing my real life situation to a fictional vampire movie?? Gee thanks.”

“Get up, I told her we’d be there by 10, but i figured we could stop and get breakfast before hand because I know you wouldn’t eat otherwise.’’ He explains, while pulling the covers from the bed forcing you to get up.

“Okay I get it, if you don’t want me lying back down get out so I can get dressed.’’ you respond with a half smile as you chuck a pillow in his direction which he easily dodges. He gives you a silly salute before throwing the pillow back in its place on your bed and giving you privacy to get changed.

A sigh spills from your lips as you’re finally alone and your eyes drift to the empty side of the bed, his side. You can’t help but feel a pang in your chest as your gaze falls upon the empty bedside table that housed nothing but a stack of books and a photo of you and him– A photo the both of you had taken at the park when you first found out the news that he was working for NASA.

You had always known that Jungwon was determined to reach that goal, his love for astronomy and wonder for the stars and space had always shone bright since the two of you were kids. You loved how passionate he was about it , and you’d never ceased to encourage him to reach for the stars, you just never thought that the stars would be the thing that stole him away from you. Finally you climb out of bed, shuffling over to the window and drawing back the curtains to peep the snowfall through your frosted window. Weather that you once loved because you knew it meant he’d be home– wrapping you in his arms while the two of you watched the snowfall from the back windows. This didn’t feel as happy, didn’t feel as intimate, it just felt dull and empty.

You could hear Soobin rushing from the other side of the door as you finally release the curtain and shuffle over to the closet. Throwing on the first thing you saw because that was all you really had the energy to do, dressing up was starting to feel like more of a chore the longer your feelings began to consume your everyday life

—

The soft ticking of the clock makes anxiety bubble up in the pit of your stomach, nervously fiddling with your fingers as you take in the details of the room. A brightly lit room with subtle decor, yet it was enough for you to glimpse into what kind of person this therapist had been. Photos aligned the wall furthest from you, a proud display of who you assumed to be her family and friends. A large window to the opposite of it, giving you a clear view of the bustling city outside of those very walls. Bookshelves aligned with psychological analysis books, and knickknacks that made the room feel almost homelike. There was something warm and comforting about the room, like the therapist had not only decorated for themselves but for the comfort of her patients. As cozy as if it felt it made you no less nervous, after all you had never done anything like this before. Since Jungwon had left you found it hard to utter a word about your feelings, you yourself weren’t even sure what you’d been feeling most times. Some days you’d felt so much that it made your heart heavy; many nights you’d cry yourself to sleep, but there were also days where you felt so empty, like a hollow shell so fragile you were just waiting to break.

The click of the door lulls you from your thoughts, and the smell of fresh tea leaves and lavender invades your nostrils, your tired eyes now focus on the figure that had just entered the room. A tall slender woman, long black hair just below her shoulders, peach skin littered with freckles, and eyes that you couldn’t quite make out their color but you were sure they were a light hazel. She entered poised and pacific, a tray with a matching set of teacups and a marble teapot in her hands as she entered the room, steam rising from the pot as if the water was freshly boiled. She gives a comforting smile as she enters and sets the tray down, the kind of smile that a friend would give as if they’d known you for years and it felt comforting. You didn’t know if it was your surroundings, or the fact that she’d walked in so casually in her light blue sweater and white slacks, but it felt comforting, like going back home for the holidays and finding that your mother had brewed fresh coffee or tea just for you.

“I wasn’t sure what kind of tea you liked, so I settled for lavender.’’ She explains as she sets down the tray, her voice was soft and gentle, a fragile sound that didn’t break the ambience of the silent room, a voice that would lul one to sleep or wrap them in its comfort.

“That’s okay.’’ you respond, the volume of your voice a near whisper, as if you’d break the flow if you spoke too loud.

“Would you like some?’’ she asks, filling her own cup before hovering over the second cup on the tray, not pouring until you confirm.

“I’d love some thank you.’’ she fills your own cup before sliding it over to the table and taking a sip from her own cup with a soft hum. You expected the lingering silence to be awkward, almost overwhelming but it wasn’t. She didn’t watch you drink, didn’t force you to speak or rush you to gather your thoughts; she just let you sit in silence with her until you were finally ready to talk.

“I’m sorry.’’ you finally blurt out with a sigh, giving her an apologetic glance as you cupped the tea in your hands, enveloping its warmth. “I’ve just never done anything like this before. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say..’’ you explain, fingers fiddling with the handle of the teacup.

“That’s alright, it’s only normal, we don’t have to rush into anything. I'd like for you to feel comfortable first before anything. I know it can’t be easy trying to convey your emotions to a complete stranger.’’ she gives an understanding nod before taking another sip of your tea, the interaction felt unfeigned, like she wasn’t just saying it to make you trust her enough to talk.

“I don’t know where to start..’’ she let out a breathy laugh, not because you found anything funny but because you felt burdensome, so many feelings consuming your thoughts yet you couldn’t bring yourself to voice a single one.

“Let’s start with how you’re feeling now.’’ you give her an unsure glance, to which she gives a reassuring nod, as if letting you know it was okay to feel, to be vulnerable for once instead of just acting like you were okay like you always tried to do with Soobin.

She observed the way you nervously fiddled with your fingers, how your pupils dilated almost as if you’d completely dissociated in that moment just to find the right words to say. She had seen it many times in her line of work, prominent in those that had made it a habit of suppressing their feelings. She had barely been in the room for longer than ten minutes, but she had easily sensed that you were someone who had a hard time expressing the way they felt.

“I don’t, I don’t really know how I feel. There's just this empty feeling lingering, like a silent forest devoid of joy or laughter, or sadness or anger. Like I'm broken most days. Sometimes I just sit on my bed and I stare at a wall trying to force myself to cry, to feel anything but it never works. I never shed a tear. Then there are days where my dejection completely consumes me and swallows me whole, like I've been dropped into the middle of the ocean and I'm sinking beneath the surface, struggling to breath or swim my way to the surface. Some days it feels so heavy, like i’m feeling so much its almost death-dealing.’’ your chest tightens as you’re able to finally verbalize how you’ve felt, the therapist just listens, she doesn’t interrupt or cease your verbalization she simply listens.

“I’ve tried, i’ve tried to force myself to be happy and to pull myself up when I fall, but it’s always short lived, When I start to think about Jungwon again, and how he must be alone…how I’ll never know what happened to him I fall apart.’’ finally you finish spilling your guts, and the room is silent again other than the ticking clock.

“Mm I see, because you’ve shut off those emotions so long, because you’re trying to force yourself to be happy again instead of grieving your body doesn’t know how to react. Anxiety, stress, depression..all symptoms of someone that's suppressed the way they feel for a long enough time that their brain doesn’t know what to make of it when they finally do feel. Sweetheart there's no time limit on grieving or mourning, you shouldn’t feel guilty for holding onto someone you love.’’ she pauses. “jungwon? He’s someone important to you?’’

“My husband, we’ve known each other for as long as I remember, married after college.’’ you explain, your throat tightening at the mention of time between the two of you.

“And now he’s?” she pauses, waiting for you to piece together the parts of your story she was unaware of, she figured that Jungwon was the root of these feelings, but she wouldn’t be quick to assume.

“He..well a year ago he left on a space trip for NASA, it was supposed to be a simple mission, test the air density and make records of it but he was supposed to come home after three days.’’ a lonely tear spilled down your cheek, as you recalled the events you’d tried so hard to shove down into the deepest depths of your memory. “A week passed, I tried not to be worried because sometimes his trips would often go over but then, then I got the call that they lost communications with him, they couldn’t reconnect with him, and they lost telemetry and command capabilities so they couldn’t- they lost all data about the spacecraft. They searched for months, tried to reestablish communication, they even sent more people out to search for him but.’’ you suck in a breath, trying to pull yourself together before you completely fall apart.

“It’s been a year, a year since then and I still don’t know if he’s okay or if he’ll ever come home. I don’t even know if he-’’ you pause and let out a shaky breath as if your mouth forbid you to say the words, your brain wanted to completely write off the idea of him being dead, of you having lost him completely.

“You’ve been holding onto the idea of closure.’’ she explains, placing a box of tissues onto the table and sliding it over to you.

“You’ve gotten no confirmation that the man you’ve known and loved your entire life is okay so your thoughts just keep drifting back to him and you aren’t able to move on. Until you get that closure your heart is always going to be a little heavy there's no way around it, but there are ways to distract yourself.’’ her words made you hopeful, she just sounded so sure, so confident in her craft that it gave you something to look forward to.

“I’ve tried everything, i’ve tried going back to work or going out with my friends again, i’ve spent so much time with my family but nothing has felt right without him here.’’

“Do you own a camera?” your brows draw together as you stare at her, confusion muddled all over your face. “A- a camera?’’

“I’m going to give you a task for the week until our next session, only if you decide to come back of course, I want you to channel your energy, and emotions into making logs. When you miss him, when you find yourself thinking about him I want you to grab your camera, or your phone and record something, whether it be a simple message for him or telling him about your day, you’ll make them as if the two of you are on a call. Not separated by space but as if he’s only halfway across the country listening to you talk about your day.’’ you weren’t sure how to respond, in that moment it sounded somewhat immaterial to the issue at hand. Up until this point every word that left her mouth felt credible, but you couldn’t bring yourself to believe that simply pressing a record on a camera and talking to yourself would help you feel any better.

When you left her office you were left feeling open and vulnerable, like someone had just seen right through you. Soobin stood outside as cheery as ever, leaning up against the car, arms crossed over one another as he waited for you to join him.

“Bella, where the hell have you been Loca?’’ he quotes to your annoyance, making you shake your head as you fight back a smile.

“You know you’re absolutely exasperating right? Your knowledge of this movie is completely unbearable.’’ you mumble, only getting a chuckle from him in response as he opens the door for you to get in.

“You love it though.’’ he gives you a cheeky smile while closing the passenger side door.

“So how did your first session go?’’ he questions, only glancing at you for a brief moment before returning his attention back to the road.

“It was okay.’’ you respond, watching as his lips press into a thin line.

“Only okay?’’

“Soobin it was therapy? What do you want me to say? Groundbreaking? Breathtaking?’’ you laugh, giving him a semi judgmental look. “It was refreshing I guess, I thought that it would be awkward but I felt relaxed, comfortable.’’

“Sooo will you go back.?’’ he questions, as if he’d been waiting to ask you that very question from the start.

“I’m not sure yet..’’ you pause, taking a moment to think over today's session as you stare out the window. “Oh that reminds me, before you take me home we need to stop at best buy.’’

“What could you possibly need from best buy?’’ his forehead creases and his eyes narrow in confusion at the sudden mention of best buy.

“I need a camera.’’

“A camera? You aren’t gonna go all Hannah baker on me right?’’ he questions, making you roll your eyes at him.

“No stupid, the therapist gave me a task and i’d rather use a fresh lens than my phone, it’ll be more authentic that way.’’

“Whatever you say, but if i get a box of tapes on my doorstep i will be sending it back to you in the afterlife.’’

“Stupid’’ you mumble under your breath, shaking your head at him before returning your attention back to the world outside. It had been so long since you’d left the house for something that wasn’t basic errands or grocery runs. For the first time in a year you found yourself enjoying the scenery again, basking in the beauty of the outside world.

Eventually you had to return home, stepping inside the air just felt heavy, like there was a shift of energy between the world beyond your doorstep. It was quiet, and the faint smell of vanilla and cinnamon hinted at your nose– the scent that Jungwon loved so much he needed the house to smell like it at all times. The house felt lonely now that it had just been you, the silence almost engulfing you and sending you back into that sad state that you always found yourself sinking into, but you remembered what Alicia had told you “when you feel yourself slipping into that dark place again just pick up your camera”. And so you did.

Taking the camera out of its box you place it on the coffee table before you after hitting record. For minutes you sat there silent, wracking your brain for something to say, anything relevant until you finally decided to just speak from the heart.

“I miss you..won. I know that it’s been a year and I should move on but I can't bring myself to give up on you or the fact that you might not be fully lost to time. It’s just hard, because you’ve always been here. Since I was seven years old you’ve been at my side..back then you were so sure that you loved me even at such a young age you’d always known what you wanted in life, even when our lives were headed in different directions you didn’t give up on loving me. I won't, I won't give up my hope that you’re okay. You waited fourteen years for me…i’ll wait a lifetime.’’ you didn’t realize when the tears had started to fall, but your cheeks were now fully stained with tears, the droplets seeping into the fabric of your pants.

“You’ll come home, I know you will..you promised me.’’

–

Jungwon had fully dissociated, it was the only way to stop himself from going mad. Head resting against the cold tiles he let the water from the shower run through his hair and down his back, the scorching water was less than torture as he stood confined to the prison of his own mind. He couldn’t get himself to stop thinking about if he’d never get home, never get to see you again. The spacecraft was starting to feel like more of a prison despite its luxury. He’d walked every hall over a thousand times, counted every star in the sky, slept for hours on end to past time and yet it hadn’t made his time on the ship any less unbearable. When he was younger he had pictured all the journeys he’d go on when he got to this point in life. So many memories of forcing his dad to help you and him build life sized spaceships out of cardboard and paper just for the two of you to play pretend. Always acting out scenarios of him drifting out to space, before returning home to you until it became a reality only this time he didn’t return.

A sigh spills from his lips as he towel dries his hair, tossing the towel off to the side before stepping out of the room that felt so suffocating at the time.

“15, 16, 17…’’ steps counted, the only room he had yet to count the steps from there to the captains quarters up until now, something he’d started to do to keep his mind from drifting while walking the same halls every single day.

Coming to the captains quarters and testing the communication systems had become a chore at this rate, a repetitive cycle that he’d attempt three times a day, or what he was assumed 3 in a day..it wasn't like he had much of a perception of time there.

Same as always his fingers dance across the buttons until he sees the communications light flicker green, indicating communication was open on his end. He let out a tiresome sigh, an indication that he had already known the outcome of his call attempt, yet he always tried anyway.

“Riot thirteen, this is Yang…can anyone..can anyone hear me?” silence, silence on the other line. Something he had grown used to now but it never got any easier, each time he felt his resolve slipping away. His lips press into a thin line and he releases a jagged breath, fist slamming against the captain's share because he wasn't reckless enough to hit the controls. His vision was starting to blur as he sucked in a breath it felt like his chest was caving in, he tried, tried his best to control the now rapid beating of his heart but it was of no use. He experienced a panic attack, completely falling apart for the first time. Tears stinging his eyes threatening to fall while he completely unraveled on the floor. He tried to choke them back, to force himself to keep strong, because falling apart meant accepting the inevitable, but he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Fuck.’’ he lets out a blood curdling scream before finally letting himself go, fists repeatedly slamming against the floor while tears seeped into his clothes.

The sun peeked through the clouds casting shadows over your bedroom, shining just below your line of vision. It was enough to wake you from your slumber. Your gaze shifts to the clock at your bedside and you take note of the time, 11:30 am, six hours earlier than the time you’d usually find yourself waking up. You weren’t sure when you’d fallen asleep, but it had been the first time in years you found yourself sleeping soundly and waking up early. Stretching out your arms you do a quick scan of the room, finding the camera set on the opposing side of the bed, his side. Glimpses of last night had started coming back, after making the video you’d cried yourself to sleep, not because you were sad or scared of the outcome but because you were finally accepting it, accepting the idea of not seeing him again. You breathed out, a quick exhalation of all the pent up nerves and anxiousness that had clouded you day after day. It felt grounding, you weren’t fully healed of your wounds, but you’d finally have a place to start.

Throwing the covers off of yourself and kicking your legs to the side of the bed you made the vow to yourself that you wouldn’t allow yourself to be miserable today but you also didn’t plan on forcing anything. You’d start slow, maybe do a little cleaning and reading to ground yourself today, and return back to work tomorrow, after all it had been months since you’d stepped foot into the book store and you were sure everyone missed seeing your face. You spent most of the morning cleaning every room in the house, your bedroom, the guest room, living room, kitchen, but there was still one room left, one room that you hadn’t touched since news hit about Jungwon.

Your eyes dilate as your gaze fixates on the door, a moment of dissociation as your fingers graze the cold doorknob before you twist and push it open. A nervous exhale spills from your lips as you enter the room and a rough chill makes you shiver at how cold it is. It did hurt, being in his room and not seeing him sit behind his desk with his trinkets and sketch books, working on new projects but a slight smile curls onto your lips as every knick knack or old sheet of paper takes you down memory lane. The tenderness in your gaze was so reminiscent and adorning that it was almost profound, you’d come in here to clean but now you found yourself taking in the details of the room remembering every moment the two of you shared. Then your eyes find the shelf behind his desk, littered with all of his achievements but most importantly photos of the two of you.

Your fingers brush against the dusted frames of each of them stopping at a lonely photo that you had almost forgotten about. Jungwon's eleventh birthday, no party, no small gathering or meeting of friends, he had chosen to spend the day with only you and his family– the day he convinced his father to build the dainty little spaceship replica that made Jungwon beam as if it could really take him to the moon. It was painful, knowing that the one thing Jungwon loved so much had taken him away, but you couldn’t resent him for it; you’d always encouraged him to pursue his dreams and reach for the stars no matter where the journey would lead him.

“I won’t give up on you..’’ you whisper softly, as if he were here and you were whispering a loving vow to him. This room and these very achievements were like an awakening for you, no matter how far he’d gone or how long he was away he always returned to you, always came home. You weren’t ready to give up on the idea of him returning no matter how agonizing the wait was, you would wait a lifetime for him to come home. These videos that you were tasked with, these logs of your day would not be a goodbye or a way of distracting you from your thoughts. You would log every important moment of your life for him until he returned home. Setting the photo down you went back to cleaning, even though he wasn’t here you wouldn’t let this room waste away or wither into something less than it was. By the time you had finished the sun had already fallen from the sky and the moon took its place and you sat snuggled up in a lounge chair reading a book to the faint sound of music.

It had been so long since you’d done this, simply sat and relaxed or read to yourself. You hadn’t properly cared for yourself or given yourself time to breathe since all of the events took place but now here you were finally getting some sort of peace. It reminded you of back then, when your passion for reading was at its peak and Jungwon would always come home to find you sitting in this very chair fully enraptured by whatever it was you’d been reading. He would steal the book away and hold it above his head just to rile you up, make you jump from it just as an excuse to wrap his arms around your waist and press his lips on yours all to steal your attention away. With your reading done for the night you peel back the curtains to take a look outside, peering out at the empty backyard and taking in the way the moon casts its reflection into your pool before releasing the curtains into their rightful place. Standing up from the comfort of your lounge chair you go to grab the camera so that you could capture this night in film for him, giving the camera a quick glimpse of the moon before setting it down on the side table.

“I don’t know if you could see it where you are, I never did understand space like you did.’’ a soft laugh spills from your lips as you adjust yourself into the frame."It's been a year but I still find myself talking to the moon like I always did. Talking to you as if you could hear me all the way down here. It’s silly and I never told you about it then but every time you left i’d always be so scared that something would happen so I would ask the moon to bring you home safe to me, like it was a friend– like it was just our little secret.’’

You pause for a moment, adjusting your place in your seat so that you were no longer looking at the camera, only your side profile was visible as you looked up at the sky, eyes taking in every star and dark cloud.”please..please bring him home to me..’’ your words spill out almost inaudible, a near whisper like it was not just a simple ask like a cry for help.

“I hope you’re not too lonely up there. Thankfully Soobin and the others have stopped by now and then to check on me even when I tell them not to. I've felt terrible lately shutting out Heeseung and the others, and everyone from work but it’s been hard. Work just seemed to drag on when I first found out the news and still keeping in touch with your old coworkers just felt cruel to me, like it was just a reminder that they all were still here and you weren't. At first I did envy them. It was hard not to envy them knowing they were all still here and you were” there's a brief inhale between your words, before you correct yourself .”are gone. But I know it's not their fault they couldn’t have known this would happen, I just wish you weren’t up there alone.”

You sigh, looking back to the camera, a brief smile graces your lips. “I want to reach out to them, tell them I'm sorry for shutting them out but I'm scared they’d hate me for placing the blame on them, even if they didn’t know that was the reason I shut them out. I’m scared that they won’t accept me again after so much time has passed. You were always better with people than I was, you made it easier for people to understand me when I myself couldn’t even explain to them my thoughts.” A suppressed chuckle spills from your lips and you smile, he had always been so easygoing.

“Anyways..I should head to bed since it’s getting late. Lately it’s been easier to sleep since the first session. I wasn’t sure if this would really help or bring any clarity but it makes me feel less sad, more hopeful. I hope that you’re sleeping well up there. That your nights aren’t cold or restless and that you aren’t plagued with too many worries like I am down here. You were always the calm and collected one out of the two of us.’’ you let out a lighthearted laugh and bid him goodnight before shutting off the camera and placing it back on the side table. Taking your half empty cup of tea into your hands you glance out the window one last time before pushing yourself up from your seat and going to place it into the sink.

It’d be different if he could leave this place, the sanctuary that was more like a prison or a purgatorial hell. If he would wander the moon or mars, or find mann's planet, somewhere to settle down but he couldn’t he was confined to these walls. The same wall he’d stared at for 374 days twelve hours, ten minutes and fifty two seconds. He sat quietly in his bed, eyes glued to the window, he felt nothing but emptiness looking out at the contrasts of space itself, swirling warm tones against the stark blackness of the abyss. Looking out into something so beautiful once made him happy but it now frightened him, it captured the mystery unknowing, not having a clue of what was to happen next or where he would be going. This was the first time his eyes had ever looked that way, like the light had been drained from them, no life or essence of hope swimming in them like usual– they were completely empty, swirling with doubt and worry. He found himself thinking about you, the way you smiled at him before he left. How he’d hugged you and showered you with kisses not knowing that it would possibly be his last time, that there was a single possibility he would never see you again.

The breakdown of a man, confined to space, consumed by silence and no one was around to witness it, it was like a secret between him the stars and whatever else lingered amongst him. There was no more optimism, no more reassurance or hope, because he was completely alone. He was always the one to reassure everyone, to sever their ties with anxiety or anxiousness but who’d ever done that for him other than you? You who he couldn’t hold, couldn’t touch, couldn’t kiss or comfort right now when you probably needed him most.

He forces himself out of the room, dragging his feet across the floor as he looms down the hall and into the main control room. He hadn’t thought that this was something he’d need to do, because he was expecting to be found but so much time had passed and not a single break in contact.

“I didn’t think there would ever be a point where I needed to use this. I thought that someone would eventually find me, that I could tell you all of this in person, but the more time I spend here the less hopeful I become that I’ll make it home to you and that.’’ he pauses as if the words he was preparing to speak were forbidden from falling for his lips. “It scares me, really scares me thinking that I might leave the world and never get to tell you goodbye. That you could be hurting and worrying about me and never know what happens. I’m scared to lose the thing that means most to me to something else that I've always loved. I’m making this in case I don’t make it. In case the ship is found and i’m not here I need you to know I love you, more than space itself, I’ve loved you from the very moment I laid eyes on you even though I wasn’t old enough to know what love was then I know now and having to make this message is tearing me apart in the worst way. At that moment, I was only seven but it’s anchored into my soul and when I finally married you, I married you with my heart, my soul I gave it all to you and it will forever be yours even after I'm gone. I hope that you can move on eventually, knowing that I loved you to my fullest ability, knowing that you were the first and last to have my heart. I want you to be happy even if I'm not there. Even if..’’ He couldn't bring himself to speak the words, like the mention of his death meant fully accepting it.

“I love you Yang Yn, with every fiber of my being, every dna particle in my body I love you.’’ The final words he’d speak, his words of closure to you before ending the video message and sitting in silence.

Today you woke with a newfound resolve, Soobin and Beomgyu had been more than happy when they checked up on you and found that you were in fact returning to work today. Of course you were met with a string of “take it easy” or “try not push yourself” at which you reassured them you would. When you arrived on sight of the bookstore you thought you’d die with how tight Sunoo and Niki had hugged you, as if you had just come back from the dead. You’d known Sunoo for quite some time, having met him in college he became one of your best friends and he worked at the bookstore for as long as you had owned it. Niki on the other hand you had only met two years ago, a friend of Sunoo’s who would occasionally come in just to bother him which you’d found amusing and adorning. At some point you Jokingly told him “if you’re going to be here every day and not buy anything you may as well work here” well needless to say he took that offer to heart– the next day you came in for your shift to find Sunoo yelling at him for putting all the bookmarks in the wrong place.

“I can’t believe you left me here with him.’’ Sunoo complains, a pout forming on his lips as he finally gives you the space you need to breathe.

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad Noo.’’ You respond, stifling a laugh as you place your coffee onto the counter.

“He knocked down an entire shelf of books and we had to close the store down.’’ Sunoo responds, an unamused look on his face in contrast to you who had been trying to hold back a laugh. You look over to Niki who had been standing behind the counter and give him a questioning look.

“Exactly how did you manage that?” You give him an amused smile, at which Sunoo also looks over in his direction.

“I’d also like to know because I still have yet to hear the reason.” He adds, resting his head on his palms as the two of you looked at him expectantly.

“I thought there was a mouse okay? I thought I saw something scurry across the floor and I did not want that shit anywhere near me.’’

Neither You nor Sunoo could hold in your laughter upon finding out the reason Niki managed to knock down an entire shelf worth of books. You had to admit you did truly miss moments like this, the smallest moments of happiness that made life so worth living.

“So are you back for good?’’ Sunoo asks, wiping the tears from his eyes from his previous fit of laughter.

“I can’t say for sure, but I’m going to take this day by day. I need to get back to my usual self and work is part of that. I worked hard to get this place and I can’t just keep leaving all the work up to you and Niki.’’ You respond, gathering all of the piled up book logs that had just been sitting behind the counter waiting to be taken care of.

“Well I'm proud of you. It’s good to see you trying, good to see you’re doing somewhat better.’’ He smiles and gives you a reassuring hug before going to restock some shelves. The day went by in the blink of an eye, it didn’t drag on unlike many of your days where you just sat at home and did nothing. Your shifts continued that way, until eventually the end of the week had come before you even realized it, which meant it was finally time for your second session. You’d come to realize that even if saying how you feel was something hard for you to do, she was actually helping you.

“First, i’m happy that you decided to come back, sometimes all we need is someone to talk to and we may not always want to put all of our baggage onto our friends, Second I want to ask how are we feeling today?’’ she asks as she sets the tray down on the table, pouring you each a half cup of tea and sliding one over to you which you happily took. As she was the first time she was patient and attentive, she waited for you to speak and catch her up on everything that may have happened within that week of your absence.

“Well I went back to work.’’ You could see her eyebrows raise in contentedness and the slight smile on her lips as she drank from her mug.

“It felt nice to be back, I wasn’t worrying too much or overthinking I just felt happy I felt like me again. Thankfully Sunoo and Niki have made things easier coming back and they took good care of the place while I was away, it made me happier knowing i could rely on them.’’ she nods as you go on, practically beaming with every sentence. The quite opposite of how you’d been the first time she met with you.

“And your video logs, how are they coming along?’’ she asks, finally changing the subject to the task which she’d assigned you with the week prior.

“At first I was skeptical, I didn’t think something so simple would help me. Honestly I'm still hurting and trying to move on..but making those logs makes me feel like I'm still talking to him. It reminds me of all the times he’d go up there and have Heeseung or Jay or any of his coworkers relay messages to me. I realize that I’ve been so sad because I was starting to lose hope. I don’t know when he’ll see any of them or if he’ll ever see them but I choose to be hopeful that one day he will come home to me. The logs give me hope that he’s going to come back and see them.” she simply nods as she listens along, a smile on her lips. Of course you’d still be hurt and mourning his absence but you now had something to help you cope with that. You now have something to get you through your days.

“Well you’ve already done the first two steps and that’s accepting the situation and finding a way to live while still mourning. Now I want to tackle your isolation, in your forms another big thing that seems to be hard for you right now is contacting his coworkers? Now are these just coworkers or are they close friends of yours? What’s the relationship between all of you?” You stiffen at the mention of Heeseung and the others, surely you didn’t think all of your problems would be solved with just one little chat.

“They’re friends of his, more close to Jungwon than they ever were to me but they’ve always treated me like a sister, like I was more than just ‘Jungwons wife’.” she nods in understanding, encouraging you to go on.

“And where are they now, are you still in contact?’’

“No, not anymore. They used to for the first couple of months but I wouldn’t answer I couldn’t bring myself to.” you admit, your gaze refusing to meet hers as you spoke. You were overcome with guilt and didn’t want her to see you differently.

“Because you blamed them?’’ her words were like a punch to the gut, you did– you did blame them. And for the past three months you had been sitting with your guilt on top of all of the other things you were feeling.

“I envied them, because they were still here and Jungwon wasn’t. Because they all just let him go alone. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to any of them because I kept making them the reason he wasn’t here. I made them the ones who were at fault when they couldn’t have known something like this would happen. So I started to shut them out, and eventually they stopped calling and I never picked up the phone to call either.” you nervously fidget with your hands, suddenly feeling smaller under her gaze. You were expecting her to call you out or tell you that you were wrong for shutting them out, but she didn’t.

“Denial and misplaced sadness. There's no reason for it other than when we’re hurt we need someone else you blame when we can’t blame ourselves. You were hurting and you had nowhere to place all of those feelings. It’s not ideal and we always feel guilty when it happens but it’s normal human behavior.”

“I want to reach out to them, I do but I don't know where to start. I just feel so guilty shutting them out when I know they care and they are just worried.” You sigh, suddenly feeling the guilt all over again.

“For your next task, I want you to call them. Doesn’t have to be tonight or even tomorrow, as long as it's before our next session. I want you to contact them, whether it's to apologize, tell them you’re okay, see how they’re doing, that's up to you, but You should reach out to them.”

“And what if..what if they don’t want to talk to me?”

“If they truly are like family and see you as a sister then they’ll listen. No matter how much time has passed, I'm sure they’ll just be happy to hear from you.”

Jungwon was woken up to the sound of beeping in the captain's quarters. At first he’d thought he dreamt it, that he’d been there so long his mind was now playing tricks on him and he was experiencing full on psychosis. But even as his eyes fluttered open the sound had yet to go away. He shot out of his bed with the fuel of five rockets and sped down the empty corridor, nearly falling face first as he slid into the captain's quarters. The entire time Jungwon had been confined to that space this had never happened, and he wasn’t sure how long the alert had been going off or if too much time had passed but one thing was certain, someone had intercepted his message, they were trying to contact him.

Two days, two days had passed since your last therapy session and you’d been dreading this moment. You thought about how this conversation would go a thousand times. Imagined Heeseung yelling, screaming, possibly never wanting to talk to you again after you’d ignored them for so long, but Alicia was right, they deserved to know you were okay, deserved an explanation for you having ice them out. You sat in your room staring at the contact on your phone for over twenty minutes trying to encourage yourself to call, and ease the nerves that were swimming in the pits of your stomach.

“Just one call yn, one call is all it takes.’’ you reassure yourself before finally hitting the call button and raising the phone to your ear. Four times it rang, then five, and you sat nervously shaking as you waited for the other line to fall silent. Seven times it rang, and right when you were losing hope there's a crisp click as the other line is answered. You held your breath, heart thumping against your chest as you heard his familiar voice on the other side of the line.

“Yn…yn are you there?’’

“I-i’m here Hee.’’

“Oh my god, fuck it’s been a year since everyone has heard from you. We tried to call and text for months but never got an answer. How are you? Did something happen? You’re calling so suddenly?’’ he spitfires on the other line, and for some reason your nerves had begun to melt away. There were so many things you had to tell him but hearing his voice and knowing that no matter how much time had passed he still cared, it made your heart swell.

“Actually that’s what I was calling about, there are some things that I have to say, I know that so much time has passed..but Can we meet? All of us, You, Me, Sunghoon, Jay and Jake?’’ you held your breath as you anticipated his response, it wasn’t until you heard a quick “yes, yes of course.’’ that you fully released it.

“Where should we meet? I’ll call them all and tell them. They’ll be happy to hear from you.’’

“Moonstruck cafe? At around 3ish?’’ you respond, finally being able to feel some sort of relief now that the hardest part is over.

“We’ll be there.’’ and with that final confirmation that you would finally be seeing them all after a year, you both bid your goodbyes before hanging up the phone. You immediately fall back onto the bed listening to the hum of the air conditioner as your eyes trace the corners and creases of your ceiling. Your hand rested on your stomach and you counted the times your chest rose and fell with every waking second. Your eyes shift over to the clock at your bedside, two hours until you had to meet with them all, two hours until you had to confess to them that you had blamed all of them who were probably also hurting in the absence of their best friend.

You sat nervously fidgeting with your hands, your tea that was once piping hot now ran completely cold. You were too nervous to eat let alone pick up a drink and you were starting to wonder why you’d gotten in the first place with such knowledge. The ding to the entrance made your head immediately turn to the door and you stiffen in your seat as you see them all trail in. Jay, Sunghoon, Jake then Heeseung. The moment their eyes fell upon you a smile met each of their faces, Jake was the first to run to you and envelope you in the strongest hug, so tight he’d nearly blocked your airways. They each trailed behind you pulling you into their arms to give you the long overdue hugs that they’d waited so long to give you.

“Where have you been all this time.’’ Jake starts, you were sure he was ready to bombard you with all the questions in the world but Jay was quick to put a stop to it.

“Will you let her speak before you ask a million and one questions.’’ he reprimands, sliding into the booth across from you.

“It’s okay Jay, I know all of you probably have a lot of questions and i’m going to answer them but first there's something that I have to say.’’ You had their full attention, all eyes were practically glued to you and it made it hard to speak, but you had no choice.

“I want to say that…that I'm sorry to all of you. When I first found out what happened I was broken and hurt and I didn’t know what to do. I just needed to be alone. I know that you all care for me and you may have been worried but then I was just so hurt and confused on how to pick myself up from this that I started to blame all of you that he wasn’t here. I made it all of your faults when it was never because of you, neither of you could have predicted this would happen and knowing how stubborn Jungwon was if you’d offered to go with him he would have kept reassuring you that he was good on his own. I know it’s terrible, to put the blame on all of you and shut you out for an entire year but.’’ you suck in a breath, trying to prevent the tears that were so close to falling, from spilling out your eyes. “I just found someone to blame because I was hurt and I was lost and I'm so sorry. I’m sorry for shutting you all out and acting the way that I did. I don’t know if you can forgive me but I really do feel terrible. You all mean so much to Jungwon, to me and I ignored that because I was in a dark place.’’

There was a silence lingering, as if they all were mapping out the right words to say, but to you the silence was painful. Silence gave you too much time to overthink. Silence was a very manipulative thing, it could force the mind to draft ideas and conclusions that can entrap one to the confines of their mind. You always hated it for that very reason because it gave you too much time to be in your head, too lost in the forests of your mind that more often felt more like a jungle with the emotions it carried. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at them, just sat nervously fidgeting with your fingers under the table, unable to physically relax until you felt someone's hand rest on yours and Jay finally broke the silence.

“We understand.’’ Finally the weight on your shoulders had been lifted enough for you to hold their gazes. Each of them nodding in agreement voicing their acceptance of your apology.

“We aren’t hurt because we understand. The one thing that hurts is not knowing you were okay, having you shut us out is far worse. It’s a normal human function to grives and not know where to place those emotions so we don’t hold that against you but I wish you’d just come to us. Even in that moment if you needed to yell, if you needed somewhere to place the hurt maybe then it would have hurt our feelings but we would have been there. You shouldn’t have had to feel all of that alone.’’ Your eyes searched his own for any ounce of spite or hurt in his gaze but there was none. Jay’s words were completely genuine, meant to be comforting rather than make you feel worse than you had.

‘We always told you that you have been like a sister to us. Ever since we met you and Jungwon it was like this light had been brought into our lives. You both have this infectious energy and optimism that can light up a room at the darkest times. What kind of men would we be if we let you go through that alone, if we blamed you for grieving when we were also feeling the same things. Blaming the organization for sending him off, blaming everyone for a fault that was no ones, because space is unpredictable.’’ Jake chimes in, all of them finally seeming to voice their feelings for the first time in what was possibly months. It was like they’d waited for this moment, like they were waiting to get to you so that you could all grieve and feel. So that all of you could heal together and take it day by day knowing you wouldn’t be alone.

“Sunghoon went as far as ruining the office when he found out they planned on stopping the search after two months. He blamed everyone, even those that weren’t involved in the launch.” Jake admits, forcing your gaze to drift ti Sunghoon who had sat there silently for the time being. He had been the closest to Jungwon, the two of them having gone through the stem program together and being reunited when Jungwon had been accepted into NASA. You felt guilt twinge at the pit of your stomach because for the first time you were fully realizing that you didn’t just isolate yourself, you left them in their time of need. There was hesitance in Sunghoons demeanor as he seemed to be rooting out all the things he should and shouldn’t say to you.

“When I found out, I wanted to destroy everything. I was angry. Angry that they would send him up there alone, that they would stop the search only after two months of trying and just give up on contact. I needed somewhere to place all of it and I took it out on everyone no matter how deep their involvement was, I didn't care. I just needed someone to blame because it felt like I was losing my brother and there was nothing I could do.’’ Sunghoon was someone that you’d known to rarely lose his temper, he’d always been the one to calm the others down when Jungwon wasn’t around but to hear that he had been so hysterical, so out of it made your heart swell with despair.

“All of us have had a hard time grieving it, there are many moments that we aren't proud of.’’ Heeseung adds, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze, in that moment you weren't sure it was more so for his convenience or yours, but it didn’t matter. “I stayed up countless nights, skipped meals, stared at the wall for hours on end just blaming myself, wondering what I could have done to prevent it. Thinking about how things would have gone if i’d gone with him. Then he wouldn’t be alone out there. Or at least I'd know if he was alive; Safe. Time and time again these guys have had to pull me out of a dark place because I was convinced that I was part of the reason he wouldn’t be coming back. I needed there to be a reason when in reality it’s just life. Life can snatch the happiness from right beneath your feet at any moment and leave you blaming everyone. Yourself, your friends, The world. All because we need there to be a reason bad things happen in our life. If there's a reason it makes it easier to grieve and accept. We’ve all been there yn.’’

“So we can’t sit here and blame you for finding ways to grieve when we’ve all been hurting.’’ Jay's words hit you like a truck and you were too late in realizing the tears that had started to fall down your face. They were really your family, and all this time you’d abandoned your family who was also in pain, to grieve alone.

“I’m sorry, for not realizing that all of you were also in pain and that you needed me. That we needed each other.’’ Heeseung shakes his head as he wipes the tears from your face. “You came to us when you were ready, it may have taken a long time but you’re here with us now and that’s all we care about.”

“So stop with the tears, you’re getting them all in your tea.’’ Jake says teasingly, trying his best to now lighten the mood which thankfully works because it has you laughing through the tears.

“And now that we have you back you can’t go ghost on us again.’’ Jay says, sliding a napkin over to your side of the table so you could clean your face properly.

“As a matter of fact Heeseung has something to tell you.” Jake spills, eying heeseung with a cheeky smile on his face. Lifting your head from Heeseungs shoulder where it previously lay, you look up at him.

“What is it?’’

“Well i’m having an engagement party this upcoming saturday.’’ Heeseung spills, and the moment the words fall from his lips you find yourself beaming. You’d always known Heeseung to be a flirt out of the four of them, he often showed up to you and Jungwons house parties with a new fling every month, so to hear that he had finally found someone to settle down with had you over the moon.

“Oh my god Heeseung!? That’s amazing! What’s she like? What do you like about her? Does she want kids?”

“You can ask her all the questions you want this saturday because you’re coming and you can invite Soobin and the others as well.’’ He gave you no time to refuse his invite, not that you would have refused it anyways.

The rest of your evening you sat there beaming and gushing over every detail he’d given you about their relationship. How they met, where they met, when and where he proposed and how he did it. The only thing you’d wish had been different about the evening was your desire to have Jungwon sat there at your side with you. You found yourself feeling so giddy when you returned home that night, it felt like things were slowly falling into place and even if you didn’t know what the future held you knew that there had to be a light at the end of your tunnel.

You had done everything you needed for the night, showered, facial care, washed your hair for the night and then slipped into your pajamas. But before the night was over, before you slipped into the coziness and warmth of your bed there was something you needed to do to finish off your night. As always you found yourself sitting in the lounge chair near the backyard window, warm cup of tea in hand and the camera set up on the coffee table with the brand new tripod you’d gotten when you decided this was something you’d take seriously.

“I believe this is log number five now, It hasn’t been that long since i’ve started these.” you smile, your gaze lingering to the view beyond the curtains as you momentarily gather your thoughts. “I still miss you, of course I miss you but I'm doing better today, a lot happier than I was before. The guys miss you too you know…I saw them for the first time in a year today and I was so nervous but it was like no time had been missed between us all.” a lighthearted laugh spills past your lips recalling the events at the cafe earlier that day.

“You’re not going to believe it but Heesungs is getting married in two months. His engagement party is in four days and I wish you were here to go with me, but I guess Soobin isn’t such a bad date. It’s still hard, learning to go about my day without you or do things I'd normally do with you alone but I'm learning and I think I've been doing pretty well lately. Alicia has helped a lot with that even though we haven't had many sessions. I think she works with me and guides me in a healthy way that makes me feel open to being vulnerable with her. I think with her, and the guys….with soobin and the others too i'll be okay. So don’t worry about me up there my love just get home to me safe La lune te ramènera chez moi en toute sécurité (the moon will bring you home to me safely). Goodnight my love.’’ You place a kiss on your palm and cover the camera before ending your log there and heading to bed for the night. If only you knew the lengths that he’d been going through to make it home to you.

Jungwons hands were trembling with the press of every button, he hadn’t slept a wink ever since he’d woken up to find that his message was intercepted. This meant that somewhere in the area a satellite was nearby and if he could get close enough then he could make contact. He’d brought himself to the brink of chronic insomnia, forcing him to stay up for that one opening, that one moment that would provide him relief. But just then, right when he was slipping away, right when he was failing to keep his eyes open. “Yang this is riot thirteen, come in Yang.”

Jungwons eyes had never opened so fast, he sprung from his chair like a jack in a box after you’d winded its crank no less than a few times. He was feeling so many things at once, relief, fatigue, dread, anxiety it was like every emotion the human body could possibly feel had been pooling into him all at once. “Riot thirteen this is Jungwon, holy shit. Come in.’’

“Holy shit it really is him.’’ You could hear on the other line, Heeseung, the man whose voice he hadn’t heard in so long it almost felt like a dream. “Holy shit, it’s him.’’

There was slight commotion in the background of the comms sector, From the moment Jungwons first message had been intercepted there was an intense hope lingering in the sector. Hope that the message wasn't just an interception of something Jungwon had decided to make long ago when he was freshly sent off. Jungwon felt so much relief swell in his chest, he couldn’t stop the flow of tears that eventually came rolling down his face.

“Heeseung?’’

“Holy shit, we’re gonna bring you home. We’re gonna bring you home.’’ Heeseung was hysterical, he couldn't bring himself to form any other words other than those. It was like gravity itself had come crashing down and he felt all the pressure and tension in his chest. On the other line Jungwon was silent, a silent string of cries and sharp breaths as he just sat there, the weight of fatigue setting in. It was like he was experiencing psychosis,he had been up there so long that he couldn’t fathom this moment being real but it was, they were going to bring him home to you.

“Heeseung don’t…don’t tell her I'm coming home. I want to be there. If we give her hope and I don’t make it then.’’

“You’re going to make it. She’s waiting for you. We’ve all been waiting for you.” heeseung snaps on the other line, they'd waited all that time for a breakthrough and he was going to make sure Jungwon made it home even if it meant doing the resume mission himself.

“Soobin hurry the hell up, how is it that I have a face full of makeup and it’s taking you longer than me to get ready.’’ you rush him, eyeing the clock as you and the others all waited for Soobin to come out of the bathroom.

“I told you he takes longer than me.’’ Yeonjun murmurs over to Taehyun who you were sure weren’t even listening to begin with.

“You can’t rush perfection Bella.’’ finally he images from your bathroom and by the looks of it nothing changed other than his outfit and hair.

“It took you an hour and a half to put on a fucking shirt and pants?’’ Beomgyu questions, making Huening Kai snort from his spot in the corner.

“It only took less than five minutes to get dressed the hour and a half was all hair.’’

“You know what talk about it in the car or we’re going to be late let’s go.’’ you rush them all up out of their spots and out the door not wanting to waste any further time bickering over Soobins ability to be a total diva. Between Beomgyus endless yelling, Taehyun and Yeonjuns bickering and soobin practically talking your ear off the ride had been a complete chaotic mess. You were more than happy the moment you arrived at Heeseungs place and were finally able to step out of the car, you practically ran away from the five of them. The moment Jay opens the door and sees you standing there with that already tired expression on your face he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Nothing’s even started yet and you already look like you’re ready to lay for a nap.’’ he laughs before stepping aside and letting you all in.

“You can blame the four of them, Kai was the only bearable one throughout the entire ride and that’s just because he sat quietly looking out the window the entire time.”

“Well excuse me for trying to keep you entertained in the front seat.’’ soobin mumbles, scrunching up his face at you.

“So sorry binnie, I appreciate you sooo much.’’ You respond, a fake pout on your lips as you pull him in for a side hug.

“The others are out back right now, Heeseung had to step out for something but he’ll be back soon then we can all eat.’’ Jay explains, giving all of you the quick rundown of things.

‘Finally you’re here do you know how long we’ve been waiting. I was starting to think you were gonna disappear again.” an already half-drunk Jake appears with the company of Sunghoon.

“Nope, i’m not going anywhere, not this time. Soobin wouldn’t let that happen anyways.’’ you smile while giving soobin a friendly punch on the arm.

“I wouldn’t we just started getting you back.’’ he gives your shoulders a loving shake.

It felt nice to be with all of them and finally feel like you were free from your worries and thoughts. It had been so long since you’d smiled and laughed like the way you were with all of them. The energy had been so infectious and wired with a spark that you hadn’t felt since before Jungwon had gone, but then something shifted. Not so much in a bad way but you could tell there was a shift in energy the moment you heard the front door swing open behind you. All eyes were now focused on whatever, or whoever had just come into the door, big smiles on each of their faces. Your eyebrows crease in confusion as you move to turn around, the smile falling from your lips and air knocked out of your lungs the moment you turn to see him standing there.

It was like the world slowed around you and everyone else had dissolved into matter, lost in thin air. You had tunnel vision, he was the only thing you could see. If you hadn’t still been standing there breathing you would have thought your heart stopped the moment his eyes locked on yours but it was still beating. Your heart, His heart both beating in proximity, finding the sync they once lost before he had gone away. It felt so surreal running into his arms having his arms wrap around you, having him hold you so tight as if you would slip away at any moment. Hot tears seeping into his shirt, whispered ‘i love yous’ and ‘i missed you so much —It was like the two of you were in your own world, own universe even.

For Jungwon this felt like some sort of warped reality to finally be here with you. Fingers tangled in your hair as he held you close to him and took in the warmth of your body. He had missed you more than anything, your laugh, your smile, the smell of your perfume had gone lost to his memory with how long he’d been away.

“Let’s leave them alone.’’ Heeseung suggests, his words going deaf to your ears as your sole focus was now the man in front of you. Your husband, the one you’d wait lifetimes for.

“Is this real?’’ you manage to croak out.

“It’s real,baby I'm here. I'm home. I came back to you.’’ he responds, showering you with kisses not leaving one inch of your face untouched by his lips. It felt like centuries since you had tasted his lips, since his lips danced against your own like the perfect sculpture molded to perfection all for yours.

“When, how..?’’ so many questions you wanted to ask him but you didn’t know where to start.

“I’ll tell you all of it, everything you want to know when it’s just the two of us but now just let me be with you.’’ he pleads, leaving soft kisses on your hands, neck, face, lips. His lips danced so gracefully against your skin that it made your heart beat like a melodic song. You never left his side that entire night and he never left yours, it was like you’d been glued to one another the entire night. Like if either of you let go one of you was bound to slip away. Everyone had been happy to see him back, happy to know that he was now home safe and in your arms but no one was happier than you.

When you finally returned home the two of you clung to one another like koalas, like there was a magnetic force pulling and tugging at each of you forcing you to remain within close proximity. You both sat lying in bed, your eyes scanning his face, every outline or detail that you’d almost forgotten. The details that a photograph alone couldn’t do justice. His hands lovingly drew circles on your waist while you sat fingers lovingly twirling in his hair, or tracing over his cheekbones.

“I missed you. So much more than words can describe.’’ He finally breaks the comfort of silence, pulling you close to his chest. Close enough to hear his heart thump against it.

“I worried about you every day, if you were okay. About you being alone up there. Jungwon I prayed every day that you would come home to me safe and sound. I never lost hope that you were still up there somewhere.’’ he pressed a loving kiss to your forehead, thumbs drawing gentle circles on your hips.

“It did get hard. I was starting to lose hope that I would ever see you. I didn’t think I’d ever get home back to you. I broke. But when the message I made for you was intercepted I stayed up for what felt like two days waiting for a sign or signal. Anything to get me back to you or at least let you know I was okay.’’

“A message for me?’’

“A video, If I wasn’t going to come back I wanted you to know that it was okay if you moved on and found someone else to love. I wanted you to be happy even if that wasn’t me. I would have been happy knowing that I died loving you, that my first and last love was you. The girl I knew i would love for the rest of my life since I was only six years old.’’ Again the tears had started, so many emotions swarming you amidst the happiness and comfort you felt just being in his arms again.

“I made messages for you too.’’ pushing yourself up from his chest you turn to grab your camera from the nearby nightstand. “Soobin, well Soobin convinced me to see someone, a therapist and she suggested that I make these logs for you about my day…at first I thought it was dumb but..then they became my only relief.’’ you hand the camera over to him and disappear down the hallway to get your laptop from his office. This was the first time you would be watching those videos and looking back on everything you said to him. While you couldn’t bring yourself to watch or listen to yourself talk he gave every video his full attention.

As much as the videos made him smile there were also logs that left his heart swollen in his chest, how restless you looked in the first one. How he could practically feel your pain through the lenses, it hurt him to see and know that you were hurting no matter how strong or hopeful you tried to be.

“You are so strong. Even if you think you need me to rely on you, I think it’s the other way around. You’ve always been my rock, the thing that keeps me calm and not having you up there with me. Being alone and away from you for so long made me realize that you keep me sane and grounded. These Logs, these videos are evidence that even without me you can be okay, you're the calm before and after the storm. Not just for me but for the guys, for soobin and the others or even your employees at work. You make things better. You make it easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel.’’

“Jungwon.’’ your eyes were swimming with tears, ripples of clearwater that felt like the impact of the ocean crashing against the shoreline.

“I missed you more than words can ever describe. I never thought i’d have to choose between two things that I love until the moment everything was ripped away from me.’’

“Wait Jungwon what do you mean choose?’’

“If I have to choose between you and space I want to choose you every time. If there's a possibility that you could lose me to my career then maybe it’s time I let it go.’’ your heart sank in your chest, you never thought those words would leave his mouth. As scary as it was to think you could lose him because of the career he pursued you couldn’t let him give up on the one thing he dreamt to be since he was four.

“Jungwon.’’ taking the laptop and moving it aside you take the place in his lap, holding his face in your hands, “you cannot let the fear of something like this happening rip you away from what you love. I’ve watched you build spaceships in the yard with your father. You stayed up endless nights working your ass off and studying to get where you are now. you put so much work in and this is just a minor setback. You’ve always said to yourself that space is unpredictable and you never know what can happen or what you’ll find. You said those words. It scares me to think that something like this could happen but i will not let you give up on something you worked so hard for.’’ His gaze weighed a thousand tons, he always looked at you as if you were the stars. As if you found ways to light up his dark path when things looked bad.

“You cannot give up Jungwon, I missed you so much. The wait was so agonizing but you’re here now. You’re here with me.’’ Your words were so comforting at that moment. Stepping out of that ship for the first time and touching ground again after so many years had him so sure of his decision. But having you here, sitting in his lap encouraging him to not give up was making him waver. The two of you had been through a hell of your own in just that year alone but you weren’t letting that get in the way of things. You had always been that way, always been the one to support and encourage him to keep putting his best foot forward when things were getting tough. You really were like the stars to him, the stars that guided him home, back to security anytime he found himself drifting aimlessly.

2 years later

“Yang Jungwon i swear if you’re late for this wedding, i’m going to come down to that space center and kick your ass.’’You yell at him through the phone as you sat combing out your daughter's hair.

“Touching down now my love.’’ He responds on the other line and you could hear the smile in his town which only makes you roll your eyes.

“Daddy, are you finally coming home? Will you tell me about your trip?’’ your daughter beams, making him chuckle on the other line. He had been gone on a week long trip and in that timespan she had not stopped asking questions about him. Needless to say you weren’t the only one proud of Jungwon, hell if your daughter could tell everyone in the world that her father was an astronaut she would.

“I’ll tell you all about it after the wedding catbug.’’ he responds, making you smile at their little interaction. ‘Catbug’ the nickname Jungwon had given her because it was all she would watch, she’d watched so often that she nearly knew every line which absolutely amazed you because she was only two.

“I love you both, I’ll see you at the wedding.’’ you respond with a hum, hearing him cough on the other line as he waits for you both to say it back.

“We love you too, please get there safely.’’ you finally respond, making him smile as you both finally hang up the phone.

“Alright bug all done.’’ you lift her up into your arms as you finally finish her hair, showering her with loving kisses that always seemed to fill your halls with her laughter. “Let’s get going, your uncles are probably all waiting to see you.’’

The ride to the wedding venue was full of consistent chatter from her, mostly random things, her quoting catbug or randomly mentioning the things she would catch glimpses of outside your window. You loved how energetic she was, she was just like this beacon of light. Your own bundle of joy that took no less than 24 hours of crying and pushing and squeezing Jungwons hands to bring into the world. You’d never forget when you held her for the first time and it was like your life had shifted for the better seeing that sparkle in her eyes that reminded you so much of Jungwons.

When you arrived at the venue you were surprised to see that Jungwon had beaten you there and by the looks of the smile on his face you were starting to conclude that he had already been here the entire time.

“Daddy!’’ your daughter had barely given you any time to put her down before she was already trying to escape your hold and run over to him. He gladly lifts her into his arms and kisses all over her face leaving you standing there with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Now i know why it was so noisy in the background of our call, when did you touchdown?’’

“An hour ago.’’ He responds with a cheeky smile making you shake your head as you glide on over to him. “Both my girls look beautiful.’’

“Mm you look handsome for someone that had to do all of this on a spacecraft.’’ You respond teasingly, stepping to his side and placing a kiss on his lips before wiping off your lip gloss from them.

“Are you saying I usually dress bad on the ship?’’

“Well blue isn’t exactly your color.’’ you respond playfully.

“Do they have purple astronaut clothes, I want mine to be purple.’’ your daughter questions, making him chuckle.

“You can wear whatever color you want catbug.’’ he responds, giving her a light tickle before putting her down.

“Let’s go and find your uncle soobin bug, you can sit with him while me and your daddy walk the aisle.’’ her hands lock with both of yours as she happily kicks her feet up off the ground at the mention of her uncle (her favorite uncle because he bribed her with sweets).

Once she was in a secure place with Soobin the two of you wandered off to join the other bridesmaids and groomsmen for the wedding march. The moment took you back to the night of you and Jungwons wedding and how surreal the moment had been, you wouldn't believe how much time had passed since then. Years seemed to go by in the blink of an eye when it was the two of you together. From childhood to adulthood the two of you had spent every waking moment together. You both grew up together, learned to love and tend to each other in ways only the two of you had known how. As you stood, arms linked with his, prepared to march down the aisle again for one of your closest friends' wedding, you couldn’t help but hope that your daughter would find a love like this. A love so strong that it hurts to be apart, because being apart meant your hearts no longer synced. The space between heartbeats that had always beat together was a painful kind of love, but it was also a beautiful thing.

PERM TAGLIST: @sol3chu @addictedtohobi @heartheejake @gweoriz @annybah @iarainha @nishimura-mimura @gweoriz @deaddcrow @bbangbies @kimuranirisi @wonzzziezzzz @dazeymazey11 @stayar1 @neogotmysam @starsmew @taystarr @icatpjs @sunshisthings @hwang-hynjin @joneborder @izzyy-stuff @claumbeju @bubblytaetae @imzhouxinyu @firstclassjaylee @i-am-not-dal @sasha-b4 @luvjichang @lveegsoi @soobundle1009 @juliejulesjule @zoe1love @mymayaship

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fistsandfangs · 3 days ago

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(angel) i know we're not the same

jey uso x fem reader | rated e | warnings: smut, eating out, porn with feelings basically

summary: you're really into jey's grills, and he's really into you.

a/n: i have no excuse for this other than jey's grills + the song angel by finneas = fic lol

banner by cafekitsune

“What do those feel like?”

Jey met your gaze in the mirror, tilting his chin down just a little. The light caught on the diamonds in his grills, making them glitter on his teeth. “What’s that, mama?”

He was trying out a new custom piece he had picked up today ahead of the upcoming PLE next weekend. Watching him slide it over his teeth and then roll his tongue behind it to situate it comfortably had made your stomach flutter, and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the mirror as he examined every inch.

You had never told him outright, but there had always been something special about them for you. Something that made your head melt a bit, and your heart beat with adrenaline. Every time he wore them, your gaze lingered a bit longer on his mouth, and when you kissed him, you were extra careful and soft. Not only for his safety, but to revel in the feeling just a little.

“Grills. What do they feel like?”

Keeping eye contact through his reflection, he dragged the tip of his tongue syrupy slow along the metal just to get your heart racing first. “Feels like a mouth full o’ money. First time I tried wearin’ one, I was terrified I was gonna break it or some shit.” Finally, he turned to face you, body coiled like a predator as he moved towards the foot of the bed and started to crawl up to you. “Why you wanna know?”

You giggled, pulling your knees up to your chest as he reached for you, planting his hands on either side of your thighs. “I’m just curious. They always look so pretty on you.”

“Pretty?” he repeated, rubbing his bearded cheek against your calf sweetly. “I just be lookin’ pretty?”

Your heart started to hammer against your ribs with excitement, and you felt certain he could hear it. But even if he couldn’t, he had to know what it did to you. What he did to you.

“You always look pretty,” you sidestepped, rubbing the side of your thumb along his cheekbone. He turned his face into your palm and kissed it, making a low purring sound in his throat. It made your thighs clench momentarily, a deep resonance you felt low in your pelvis. “My pretty boy.”

“You real cute, mama. Compliments ain’t gonna derail me, though. I asked you a question and I plan on getting an answer.” He nipped the skin on the inside of your thumb gently, then moved up your body a little more until his chest was pressed into your knees. “I just look pretty like this? Nothin’ else?” Lips pulled back, the glinting stones sparkled like a galaxy all his own.

Your cheeks were warming extremely fast as a deep flush spread like wildfire.

Usually, you were more discreet with the particulars of your daydreams and fantasies. Jey actually seemed to enjoy that about you, too, teasing it out of you a little bit at a time, working you over with tenderness and affection and sweet adoration. Coaxing you to let him in, and then rewarding you handsomely for it.

Tonight, however, there was a hunger in him that you could already see darkening the soft brown of his eyes, curling the corners of his lips.

“You look really, really good,” you admitted softly, rolling your lower lip between your teeth shyly. “I always stare a little too much when you wear them, but I can’t help it. It’s like…” You reached up slowly, your forefinger extended, and got close enough to just drag the pad of your finger across the rough surface. “…fangs, sort of.”

Jey sat perfectly still, allowing you to explore, until suddenly his lips closed around you. His warm, velvety tongue suckled at your finger, and he bobbed his head slightly to bring it deeper into his mouth. His front teeth scraped across the bone just before he released it, and the self-assured smirk he wore told you for certain that he was not playing the long game tonight.

“You want me to bite you, mama? That it? You wanna tame a beast who loves you?”

Your breath caught in your chest, something inside of you feeling raw and exposed, yet blazing hot with need. A part of you was coming alive, just for him. Just like so many other parts of you had upon falling in love with Jey.

The way you made each other undone and remade as you loved a little more every day was one of the best things you had ever experienced. Wanting wasn’t about lacking and starving anymore. Desire wasn’t about aching and yearning.

Jey’s hand came up to press into your chest, above your heart. “You wanna lay with him like he ain’t nothin’ to fear, ‘cause you own him. ‘Cause he belongs to you. You wanna touch his teeth, put your whole hand in his mouth and know he’d sooner rip out his own claws than hurt you.”

You were speechless, and your heart was a supernova in slow motion. A destruction and rebirth all at once, something breaking apart as something new and wanting was remade.

“I gotta know, baby.” The confident steel of his tone was bending, folding in on itself like it was being heated and reshaped. It told you he wanted this just like you did, that you weren’t alone.

“Yeah,” you murmured, nodding enthusiastically. “Yes. All of it. Please, Jey.”

Something eager glimmered in his eyes, and he surged forward to kiss you. It wasn’t rough, but it was hungry, and new what it wanted. You could feel the gentle scrape of the stones over your lip and the tip of your tongue, and it sent lightning through your spine.

“I love you,” you gasped when could draw a breath, bringing up one hand to tangle in the curls at the nape of his neck while the other fisted the bedsheets tightly. “I love you so much.”

“Fucking love you, baby. All in.” He reached up and touched the back of your knuckles for a moment, then started to slide down your body with his gaze set on you. “Gonna show you, gonna let you feel it, mama.”

He used his shoulders to press your legs open, and then coax them over his broad shoulders. The toes of your socked feet pressed into his upper back and he rolled the muscles beneath leisurely. “Mm, that’s it, baby, get comfy on me.” You could feel the smile he pressed against your inner thigh when he started trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses closer and closer to your heated center.

A little squeal escaped you when his grill caught on a particularly sensitive spot high and deep on your inner thigh, and you squirmed reflexively away. But then, you released a breath and shifted your hips back down, back into his waiting grasp, wanting him shamelessly now.

“Fuck, you don’t even know what you do,” he groaned, eyelashes fluttering a butterfly kiss across your skin as he lowered his gaze like a reverent worshipper. “You gotta be some kind o’ angel. Maybe God Herself.”

Moving to the other side, he worked his way up your other thigh, though noticeably more hurried than before.

When he pressed his teeth in for a blunt, aching bite on your pillowy skin, the rough surface of his grill dug in sharp little pricks of bright pain. You would certainly have indentations in the shape of him to keep your skin blood-warm and pink. Just the thought of it made you want to cry a little.

His fingers slid beneath the waistband of your underwear and slid them easily down your legs and off your ankles before tossing them haphazardly onto the floor. You were left only in your oversized nightshirt now, and his wide palms slid it up at the sides over your ribs to get just that much closer to you.

At the sweet, warm bed of your neatly trimmed pubic hair, he nuzzled you sweetly. A slow, deep inhale was all the warning you got before his tongue poked out and took the first taste of you.

“Jey,” you breathed, kicking your feet lightly against his back as an outlet for the shockwave of emotion that flooded your whole body. “Please.”

“Please? What can I give you, mama? What you need?” He tilted his chin down to get a better angle on you, and let his tongue go broad and soft as it licked up to the tip of your clit. The feel of his warm saliva and even warmer breath was enough to raise goosebumps across your body. “Lemme give it all to you, you know I got you.”

He was practically vibrating as he held himself at bay for you, waiting for you to tell him it was what you wanted. The sweetest kept beast of burden there ever was.

“I just need you.”

And that was all it took.

He was nothing if not enthusiastic in his extracurriculars, but this seemed to be his favorite. His tongue laved hungrily between your slick lips before dipping inside and circling slow and soft. He was purring again, and that almost made you forget what you were in for—until his grills caught against the tender skin of your lips.

Dragging sharp-cut stone over plush, sensitive skin made your back arch as you gasped sharply. It was the apex of too much and not enough, a push and pull with no grounds for a winner. It was a distinct contrast to all the organic warmth that was distinctly Jey, making you shiver.

“Now you got your answer, baby—what’d they feel like?”

You were at a loss for words, drowning in pure sensation. Instead of a reply you couldn’t muster, you grazed your fingers through his sweat-damp curls and tugged just the way he liked. It was both encouragement and affection, and he liked a little pain, like the cherry on top.

Jey kissed the inside of your wrist sweetly to disguise a proud smirk, smearing spit and slick over your pulse point. “See, no diamonds and gold gonna stand up to you.”

“Put your money where your mouth is, baby,” you said breathlessly. “I’m not done enjoying it.” A hot blush rekindling in your cheeks undercut your bravado, but Jey would never say so.

Particularly when it was a request he was more than eager to accommodate.

#wwe fanfiction #wwe fic #jey uso fic #jey uso x reader #jey uso fanfiction #wwe #jey uso #mywriting

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shysuccubusstuff · 2 days ago

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Milking time pt. 2

Content: Cow Hybrid! Caleb + Rancher! reader + Non proof-reader; Masturbation + Scent kink + Breeding kink + Size difference + Cunnilingus + Tummy bulge

Note: I was listening to one of these NSFW audios and I just got inspired so yeah, here it is! Idk if people want to hear it tho :P It's not really related to the actual content, but I just liked it ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ I can't believe I've been writing this for more than three days, sometimes my brain just doesn't want to cooperate cause I keep realising I may sound a bit repetitive at times... I hope you all like it!! (๑>◡<๑)

It had been quite a few months since Cow Hybrid! Caleb had been able to sneak into your bedroom, his cock about to burst as he basically begged you for help. Still, you had been unable to act as you had used to, your whole body reacting each time his calloused hands got close to you, your mind being suddenly flowed by the images, the feeling of your hands rubbing his... How were you supposed to work as always after that? Anyone would probably understand your position! Well, anyone except Caleb, of course.

Since that had happened, he had become even clingier than usual, constantly following around you like a lost puppy, his ears lowered as he tried to hide his huge frame behind a wooden post, his tail peaking from it even regardless of how much he tried to stop it from showing. He didn't really understand what was up with your sudden change in attitude, he had been your favourite since he had arrived, was it because of something he had done? Maybe you had started to hate him and wanted him dead? He would happily send himself to the closest butchery if it meant making you happy again.

Luckiily for him, the perfect chance for the two of you to be together after your dear aunt told you to go to the city a couple of hours away, as the most important fair for ranchers was about to begin. She briefly explained what you had to do, simply listening to the many conferences regarding the possible changes for the ranchers' rights and privileges, simple enough, right? Still, your aunt told you to go with Caleb, as he had never been there, and you really needed some "buff man" just for some of the ranchers to take you seriously, as annoying as it was.

With all said and done, your aunt prepared everything you both could possibly need, from your clothes to many different delicious plates in case the two of you missed her. She kissed both of your foreheads, waving goodbye at the two of you before going back to her chores.

Well, all left was spending the next five days there, it was fine, what could possibly go wrong?

The first three days had gone smoothly, with the two of you spending as little time as possible, constantly going around the fair talking to the many old friends of your aunt, letting them ramble about how it was when they were younger and similar anecdotes, with Caleb simply following you around like a lost puppy, staying in complete silence during the whole day, as you quickly fell asleep as soon as your face hit the pillow.

Caleb knew that he had to be patient, after all, despite hybrids are quite similar to humans, they did still present various differences, specially when it came to this kind of thing. He knew it, he kept reminding himself of that. But it was to no avail, really. His chest kept hurting each time he saw you speaking to all those other men, always smiling at them as they talked to you about some unimportant matter. Still, he couldn't help but act that way, rummaging around your luggage to look for his prize. It took him a while to find them, but as soon as he did he could already feel his head getting lighter, his face now buried on the soft fabric, inhaling with force, his hand already trailing down his body and removing all the buttons that kept his lower hidden. He got up, moving to the small bathroom and sitting on the toilet, muffling his moans with your underwear as he moved his hand up and down, his chest moving up and down as his breath quickened.

This kept going for a while, with Caleb trying his best to muffle his moans as much as he could, whispering soft praises to you even despite you were still asleep. "So good... You smell so good... Can't wait to breed you..." Small tears came running down his cheeks, the tip of his cock leaking as he saw the floor stained from his cum. "I'm sorry... I'm trying so hard for you... Just for you... Ugh... I love you, I love you..." Caleb whimpered as he finally felt like his head was a bit less crowded from lewd thoughts about you, the shame starting to make his face feel quite hot.

Caleb finally reached his limit by the night of the fourth day. The two of you were supposed to leave the next morning around the early morning, as you had already planned helping your sweet aunt with all the farm work that she may have been unable to do due to her old age.

Just as you were about to throw yourself to the bed, Caleb tugged from your pajama, his soft ears lowered as much as possible as fat tears fell down his face. "How much are you planning to ignore me? I know I misbehaved but I don't want you to keep on ignoring me... Please." Caleb got on his knees, his hands and head rubbing against your hands as a way to calm himself down. "If you really hated it, I won't ever do it again... I'll let you find someone for me to be with... Just don't ignore me... I can't... I just can't handle it. I've been trying to, these past couple days... I don't think I can go any longer without you." Caleb gaze lifted from the floor, looking at you with his purple eyes glistening under the dim lights.

"I... I'm sorry, Caleb. It's just that, I kind of... Well, I kept getting like, reminders of well, what happened between us and I kind of... couldn't help but feel a bit, ashamed?... About it, anyways, I didn't mean to hurt you, Caleb. You know you're my favourite, right?" You caressed Caleb's cheeks, petting his hair and moving it away so you could see his full face. Caleb pressed his face against the palm of your hands, his expression lightening up, suddenly getting up from the floor and getting on top of you, his cheeks flushing from pure bliss.

"Really?! You don't hate me? I'm so glad! I just... I'm sorry. My... my body seems to have become, attached to your scent, so each time I smell you it's... It's just too much for my body." Caleb moved away, sitting by your side and letting you see just how much it had affected him. "I'm sorry... I'm really trying so hard to keep myself on check... Just, I just didn't want to keep on using them without your knowledge... Let me just go to the bathroom, I'll be back---" You grabbed his hand, forcing him to sit back down on the bed and keeping your hand tightly grapped around his. "I... I can help you a bit, just if you want--" Caleb moved swiftly, suddenly having you under him once again, his hand already removing his overalls together with his undershirt.

"I'll be careful, if I hurt you just pull from my horns, ok?" Caleb started to kiss your whole face, leaving soft pecks as he slowly made his way towards your neck, his right hand massaging around your tummy, then removing your trousers together with your underwear in the blink of an eye, leaving them on the bed before focusing once again on you. "Such a pretty pussy... It looks so tasty... Let me just have a little taste, please?" Caleb moved down, getting on his knees on the floor before pulling from you by your ankles in order to get you to be close to te edge of the bed. He carefully put both legs on his shoulders, opening them with his hands before starting to leave soft kisses all over your lower half, your hands petting his hair as a way to avoid squirming as much as possible. "No running from me, baby." Caleb smiled, his mouth suddenly starting to suck on your clit as he used his fingers to play with your entrance, only moving up and down so as to lubricate his fingers. "So good, pips... Keep calm, I'm in charge right now." Caleb went back to focusing on his task, his tongue lapping your poor clit with his long tongue, one of his fingers slowly entering you, slowly opening you as he kept playing with that sensitive bud, making your whole body squirm as the stimulation started to feel a bit overwhelming.

Not like it really mattered to Caleb, his mind already far too gone from eating you out, that delicious scent making his mind go blank regardless of how hard you tried to get him to slow down, ignoring all the soft hits on his shoulder together with all the pleas each time you came all over his tongue. It wasn't until your whole body was about to give up on you, your legs trembling as if you had been working out for far too long, that you chose to grab his horns, his eyes finally focusing on you, getting away from your poor overstimulated pussy as he finally took a deep breath. "So-sorry! I got a bit lost there, promise I will behave next... Can we keep going?" Caleb looked at you with those sweet puppy eyes, his hands massaging your love handles as he waited for your response.

"Just... Just the tip, ok? Your cock is too big for me to... uhm... take." Caleb nodded, grabbing his cock with his right hand and giving your entrance a few slaps on the entrance, his eyes once again completely glued on the way your entrance kept twitching each time he hit it with the tip of his cock. Caleb moved his hands for a moment, holding both of your hands as his cock started to make his way inside you.

"Take a deep breath, pips... I'm still putting in the tip..." Caleb kept kissing your lips as his cock entered you, the stretch making you feel as if you were about to break just from the pressure that you felt in your tummy. "There... It wasn't so hard, right? Now we can take as much time as you need, no need to rush..." Caleb now focused on kissing your sweaty face, his eyes glistening with the pure feeling of love, hands interlocked as he forced himself to remain as still as he could.

And you knew you were supposed to stay still, let your body get accustomed to the... length. Still, you just had to prove yourself, wrapping your legs around his hips before suddenly pressing against his hips, forcing the weight of Caleb to rely against your smaller frame, the sudden pressure making all the air leave your lungs before you could take a deep breath as Caleb immediately moved away, his expression changing to one of concern as his eyes checked for any sign of discomfort. This concern soon changed into a slightly annoyed look, his eyes becoming a bit darker the moment he focused on your entrance. "Guess it's my fault for not expecting it... Since you want to be a brat, may as well treat you like one." Caleb smile turned a bit sadistic, lifting your whole body with ease as he moved the two of you towards the end of the bed, sitting just in front of the mirror. "Make sure to get your brain to remember this, baby." Caleb kept you still, slowly entering you. You clenched your eyes shut as the slighty painful stretch took place, trying your best to avoid seeing the lewd image of your pussy being forced open by Caleb's cock. After all, it wasn't as if you were able to do much more, with Caleb holding both your legs on a tight grip as a way to get you to keep the image as a reminder.

Despite Caleb's attempt of scaring you, he knew exactly just how important it was for you to get completely used to it, getting the horses to act as they should. "Now open wide..." Caleb moved, lifting your whole body with his arms, slowly lowering it as he slowly forced the tip of his cock inside, bitting his lips as he tried his best to keep calm. "Just like that... Relax, I ain't running nowhere, don't squeeze me so hard, pips... It's hard to stay calm." Caleb kissed the top of your head, letting you rest your back against his chest as he was finally able to bottom down once more, the feeling of being full being just enough for you to feel as if you were out of breath.

"Caleb~... You're too big..." You whined, the feeling mixing with the heat that you kept feeling on your face as you noticed the bulge that had formed on your tummy, forcing you to hide your face just as a way to avoid seeing it. As soon as Caleb noticed that, he removed them from your face, using one of his hands to force you to look into your reflection. "No running, pips, gotta make sure you get a detailed view of just how good I can make you feel." Caleb wrapped his arms around the back of your knees, making sure that you got a perfect view of the way your pussy greedily ate his cock each time he pull a bit of it out, making it an almost hypnotising view, seeing it enter you, then suddenly pulling away before giving you a kind smile, almost as if he was mocking you each time you tried to squirm away from his iron grip.

It took you just a few minutes to finally get used to the feeling, turning what were soft whines into lewd moans that kept escaping from your lips, eyes rolling back each time Caleb rubbed against that slightly rough spot. Suddenly, Caleb moved one of his arms, keeping your whole body lifted with just one arm as he used the free one to rub your tummy, making small pressure every now and then each time he pushed his whole lenght inside, ignoring each high pitched moan and whine that left your lips every time he forced you to cum all around his huge cock. "Caleb!... Too much, can't keep cumming! Please, please~...!" Caleb ignored you once more, kissing the top of your head as he kept hammering your gummy walls, making sure to stay a few seconds outside before forcing his lenght rapidly inside. "Sorry pips... I gotta make sure I get you all full~... Gotta prove I'm the best one for you." Caleb kept this fast rhythm for a while, bitting softly on your neck each time he came inside you, "a way to mark you" he said.

By the time you were finally released from his grip, the digital clock was already far past 02:00, your whole body sticky from the sweat, together with the mixture of your fluids, and the semen that was slowly leaving your pussy. Just as you were about to simply let yourself fall asleep from the exhaustion, Caleb took your body, carrying it to the warm bath and letting you sit on the tub that had already been filled. "Gotta make sure you feel comfortable enough to sleep, can't have you seeing aunty all dried up." Caleb peppered soft kisses all over your face, rubbing a warm towel all over your body and letting you fall asleep with ease as you felt him clean all your body.

#love and deepspace #love and deep space #caleb x reader #qlads caleb #love and deepspace caleb #lnds caleb #caleb love and deepspace #lads #x reader #hybrid x reader #love and deepspace fic #love and deespace smut #caleb smut #caleb fanfic #caleb imagine #xia yizhou

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mcrdvcks · 4 hours ago

Text

two sugars

chapter summary: As the Avengers team medic it's your job to take care of everyone. So why does Bucky feel like he gets special treatment? Surely a medic wouldn't know the exact way he likes his tea. word count: 4.0k+ pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader notes: this is sometime post civil war but the avengers are a big happy family :) i just love the idea of medic!reader, and a reader who take cares of bucky even when he thinks he doesn't deserve it warnings/tags: medic!reader, mentions of violence, mentions of blood/injuries, fluff, angst, possible inaccurate depictions of medicine

The quinjet’s rear ramp hissed open onto the compound’s flood-lit tarmac. Everyone scattered toward post-mission routines—Thor to the kitchen, Natasha to the debrief, and Tony already complaining about “arrow residue” in his repulsors. Bucky tried to drift with the crowd, jacket pressed close to hide the dark bloom seeping through his side.

“You can limp faster than that, Barnes.”

You fall into step beside him, sweatshirt sleeves shoved to your elbows, med bag bumping your hip. Bucky answered with his best frown. “Took a scratch, that’s all.”

“Scratch?” You tugged the jacket hem and the fabric stuck to his ribs with an audible peel. “That’s shrapnel and at least two stitches.”

“Good thing I only need one.”

“Math is not your strong suit tonight. Med bay—now.”

He could’ve kept walking, you’d seen him yank bullets with pliers before. But the way you were already cataloging his breathing, the way your fingers hovered without quite touching—something in him unclenched. So he followed.

---

Fluorescent lights buzzed overhead as you snapped on gloves, murmuring absent comfort. “Top bunk’s free if you need to crash after.” Bucky eased onto the exam table, metal fingers curling off the edge.

“You really hate me, don’t you?” he grumbled while you cut away the ruined shirt.

“I don’t hate you,” you said, then winced theatrically. “I just hate that you treat medical like a voluntary suggestion.”

“That’s a lot of sugar-coating for ‘pain in my ass.’”

“Sugar-coating? You take two sugars in your tea.” You sterilized the wound, and he hissed. “Hold still.”

He did, but only because you asked. Because the gentle press of your palm over gauze was somehow louder than the sting of antiseptic. Because—though he’d never admit it—he trusted those hands more than the vibrating hum in his own metal arm.

“Shrapnel’s shallow,” you said finally, suturing. “You’ll live to brood another day.”

“Lucky me.”

You tied the final knot, slapped a gauze pad over it, then—softly—tapped his knee. “Go shower. I’ll re-dress it in the morning.”

“Thought you were off tomorrow.”

“Barnes, I saw you take that hit through a concrete wall. I’m not clocking out until I know you didn’t bleed through the mattress.”

He opened his mouth—some dry retort about over-caring—but you were already disinfecting the tray, back turned, humming off-key.

---

Bucky padded into the kitchen wearing sweats with damp hair, intent on pilfering chamomile. The compound was dark but for the fridge glow and the soft blue of tablet screensaver fish.

A lone mug waited by the kettle. Steam coiled up, lazy with two sugars stirred in.

There was a sticky note with your handwriting: “For not bleeding on the mattress. —Night watch”

He stared and noticed the tiny doodle of a star in the corner with five uneven points. The soft spot in his chest, poorly armored, thudded once.

He made himself a second mug—because the first felt too much like you standing there—and carried both down the hall.

---

The only light came from the vitals monitor you’d dragged over “just in case.” You were slumped in the visitor chair, hoodie hood halfway over your face, but awake—eyes on the empty bunk you assumed he’d take.

Bucky set the untouched mug on the table and slid the other toward you. “I figured you could use a refill.”

You blinked up, sleep-rough voice. “I thought you hated chamomile.”

“Growing on me.”

A beat. Then your gaze dropped to the clean bandage at his ribs, then to the tea. “Vitals look good,” you said quietly. “Pain level?”

“Manageable.” He nudged your foot with his socked one. “Go sleep in a real bed.”

You made a face. “Orders?”

“Suggestion.” His mouth twitched. “I hear those are optional.”

You laughed—soft, tired, the sound a little cracked around the edges. But you stood, stretching. “Fine. Wake me if it starts hurting worse.”

He saluted lazily. “Yes, doc.”

Before you left, you hovered in the doorway, studying him like another chart to file. Bucky lifted the mug in thanks.

When the door whispered shut, he exhaled into the quiet. The compound was never truly silent—vents sighing, arc reactor pulse traveling the pipes—but tonight it felt close. Close enough that he could hear the scrape of your chair being pushed into a corner, the distant thump of your sneakers heading for the dorm wing.

He took a sip. Too sweet, like always. But he didn’t mind.

Across the room, the monitor’s soft beep kept time with his heartbeat—steady, unhurried. Unusually calm.

Maybe he’d never say it out loud, maybe you’d never ask, but the truth sat warm in his hands—for someone who used to be a weapon, he was surprisingly okay being someone’s patient.

And maybe, just maybe, you were becoming the safest place he’d ever been patched back together.

He lay back, closed his eyes, and let the steady beep carry him toward sleep. No dreams, no ghosts—just chamomile with two sugars cooling on the bedside table.

---

When you walked into the kitchen, Wanda was already massaging her temples. Before you could ask why, she spoke. “Apparently, Clint’s midnight snack was the last of Thor’s Pop Tarts.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow from the coffee machine. “That man has a death wish.”

You shrugged out of your hoodie, sleepy grin in place. “‘Again’ has to be implied. What flavor?”

“Frosted cherry,” Wanda muttered, as if reciting a crime scene. “Thor’s favorite.”

Bucky whistled. “Clint better start running now.”

You laughed, then popped open the cabinet beside him and grabbed a mug—one of the few without cracks or Stark-brand snark printed on it. You poured coffee for yourself, then, almost absently, reached around and refilled Bucky’s too. Two sugars and a quick stir. Your left hand remained braced on the counter while your right did the pouring. He noticed the way you didn’t ask if he wanted more—you just did it, then dropped a tiny packet of vitamin C gummies next to his mug like it belonged there.

He blinked. “Uh… thanks.”

“Breakfast of champions.” You nudged the gummies closer. “Take those.”

Wanda smirked into her own cup. “Mother hen back at it?”

“Hush,” you said without heat, already fishing in the fridge. You snagged strawberry jam—he liked that brand, the one with whole berries—and set it next to the toaster before sliding two slices of rye into it, same as last time.

Bucky’s eyes flicked to Sam and Steve, who were locked in an animated debate over training schedules and paying zero attention to you. No one else seemed to be getting stealth-medic treatment.

The toast popped. You buttered it, then passed the plate his way. “Eat. Protein shake later if you’re still looking pale.”

“I’m not pale,” he muttered.

You tapped the inside of his right wrist, just where yesterday’s IV line had been. “Humor me.”

Steve reached for the jam and found an empty spot—your hand was there first, sliding it to Bucky. Steve redirected to peanut butter without comment.

Bucky sipped. Sweet, perfect. “You remember how I take it?”

You shrugged. “Memory’s my job.”

“Don’t see you memorizing Clint’s coffee,” he mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” He bit into the toast.

Thor stormed in then, cape swinging. “Who has eaten the sacred pastries of Pop-Tart?” he bellowed.

Clint darted behind Vision like a toddler hiding behind a sofa. Chaos erupted—Wanda sighing, Vision tilting his head, and Tony strolling in with an energy bar and an amused grin.

You, unfazed, passed Bucky two ibuprofen tablets, whisper-soft: “Take with food.” Then you patted his left shoulder once, and crossed the room to break up Thor’s thunderous rant before it hit Category Five.

Bucky watched you go, tablets warm in his palm. Nobody else got those taps, that quiet voice.

Steve elbowed him. “You spacing out?”

Bucky slid the pills into his mouth and chased them with sweet coffee. “Just thinking.”

“Anything good?”

He watched you over by the fridge, coaxing Thor into accepting a toaster strudel peace offering. You glanced back once, checked the bandage line beneath his tee, subtle as blinking, then returned to the thunder god.

“Yeah,” Bucky said. “Good.”

Sam squinted. “Why’re you smiling like that?”

Bucky’s face smoothed. “I’m not.”

Steve chuckled. “Sure, pal.”

The kettle hissed again—fresh water. You were already setting out a chamomile bag beside it. Just one cup this time. For him. Bucky swallowed more toast and decided maybe gummies at 0800 weren’t so bad.

---

Tony paced, ranting about arrow residue again while you stood on a step-stool rewiring Bucky’s prosthetic calibration dock.

“This will cut recharge time by half,” you told him, finishing with a screwdriver flourish. “Left side ports were overheating.”

Tony paused. “You don’t do house calls for my suits.”

You shrugged. “Your suits don’t bleed.”

Bucky’s throat tightened. He flexed the metal fingers experimentally and they were already smoother.

---

You nearly collided with him outside the med bay, arms full of supply boxes.

“Need a hand?” he asked.

“Sure.”

He took the heavier crate with his left arm while you kept the lighter. Inside, you labeled shelves while he stacked gauze packs. “Dinner?” you asked without looking up. “Kitchen has turkey chili. I set aside a bowl, no beans.”

He stilled. “You remembered that?”

“Try forgetting a thirty-minute rant about legume betrayal,” you teased.

He coughed, embarrassed. “Wasn’t a rant.”

You just smiled, scribbling a date on a vial.

He noticed: no one else had personalized bowls waiting. No one else’s preferences pinned to sticky notes.

---

Bucky exited the shower, his shoulder stiff. You were leaning against his door with a pill bottle in hand. “Forgot your evening dose,” you whispered. “Take with water.”

He accepted it. “You chasing everyone around like this?”

“Only the stubborn supersoldier who forgets he’s breakable.”

A beat hung between you. He swallowed the pill and handed the bottle back. “Thanks,” he said, soft.

You patted his metal wrist—short, warm contact that didn’t clang like steel should. “Sleep. I’ll check the bandage tomorrow.”

You pushed off the wall, heading for your quarters. Bucky watched you go, mind replaying the day’s subtleties: the mug, the toast, the custom dock fix, the bean-free chili, the midnight meds.

He’d been trained to notice patterns—threat vectors and escape routes. Tonight, all he saw were gentle fingerprints no one else seemed to receive.

He brushed the healing edge of his sutures, feeling the ghost of your careful pressure. The soft spot inside his chest thudded, confused.

With a quiet sigh, he stepped into his room, door sliding shut behind him. The compound settled, vents humming. Somewhere down the hall, your laugh floated out of a late-night movie with Wanda.

He found himself smiling at the sound—unbidden, uncomplicated—then shook his head, still not quite understanding why any of it felt different.

But he noticed. Oh, he noticed.

---

The mission had been small. Routine, even. Just recon, in and out. But somehow, recon turned into a shootout, the shootout turned into a building collapse, and the building collapse turned into Bucky sitting on a gurney again, shirtless, with dried blood streaked down his spine.

You weren’t saying anything.

That was the part that made him nervous.

You were always talking. Even if it was just quietly—nagging, joking, grumbling about the lack of gauze. But now you were just… cleaning.

“I’ve had worse,” he offered.

Your latex gloves snapped as you peeled them off and tossed them into the waste bin. “You didn’t say you were hit,” you said flatly. “You walked off the quinjet, sat through debrief, and then I found out from Steve that there was blood on your back.”

Bucky’s mouth opened, then closed. “…It didn’t feel like a big deal.”

You grabbed a new pair of gloves, and didn’t even meet his eyes.

He winced. “Okay, maybe not the best choice of words.”

“I’m not mad,” you said, finally stepping forward with fresh antiseptic. “I just—if there’s something wrong, I need to know. That’s literally my job.”

“I know,” he said. Then quieter, “Didn’t want to make a fuss.”

Your fingers slowed. You sighed. “You never do. That’s the problem.”

The sting of antiseptic burned, but he didn’t flinch. Just watched you—how focused you were, how your brow furrowed when you worked, how you used your bare palm to gently steady his vibranium shoulder without hesitation.

---

Bucky wandered in, shirt finally replaced, hair still damp. You were at the stove, humming. Something savory simmered in a pot, and when you turned, your expression softened. “Sit. You look like hell.”

“I feel like it,” he muttered.

You slid a plate across the counter. Roast chicken, soft rolls, roasted potatoes. All stuff he actually ate. You didn’t even ask.

“No peppers?” he said quietly.

You shot him a look. “I learn.”

He glanced toward Wanda, who was eating leftover takeout. Sam was microwaving a burrito. Steve had a protein shake. Natasha wasn’t even around.

Just you, making an entire meal—for him.

“Did you… cook this just for me?” he asked before he could stop himself.

You didn’t answer right away. Just poured him water, nudged it toward him, and said, “you didn’t eat after the mission. Figured you’d need something.”

That was all.

No smile, no brag. Just facts.

He stared at the plate. Then the water. Then you.

And suddenly, it clicked. Really clicked. You didn’t do that for anyone else. He watched as you turned back to the stove, scooping out a second helping for him without asking.

---

“Left arm up.” You raised your voice slightly over the compound’s gym speakers, watching Bucky jog to a halt near the sparring mats. He’d been training with Sam—light footwork drills, nothing too intense—but you’d caught the wince when he landed on the wrong foot. Twice.

Bucky didn’t argue. Just stood still while you tugged his sleeve up past his elbow. The metal gleamed under the overhead lights, scuffed from friction burns. You pressed your fingers to the joint just above his wrist.

“Feels fine,” he said, too quickly.

You didn’t look at him. “You ever consider letting me finish an exam before making declarations?”

“Not really.”

You held out your hand. “Knife.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Back of your waistband, Barnes. Don’t pretend it’s not there.”

With a grunt, he pulled the hidden blade and handed it over. You set it beside the med kit you’d brought out for him, then gently tilted the arm back and forth, checking the rotation.

“I adjusted the resistance last week,” you murmured, mostly to yourself. “Feels like it’s dragging again. Could be a wiring imbalance.”

“You’re the only one who notices stuff like that,” he said before he could think better of it. You glanced up. He didn’t move. “…I mean,” he continued, “I don’t think Tony even knows how this part works. But you always—”

“That's because you clench your fingers when you're in pain,” you interrupted, like it wasn’t a big deal. “Metal doesn’t bruise, but tension still shows.”

You flexed his hand slowly with both of yours, checking the motor response. Warm hands on cold vibranium.

Across the gym, Sam watched for a beat before wisely deciding now was the time to disappear.

---

He came back from the shower and found the bandage drawer in his bathroom neatly restocked. Same with the small jar of the eucalyptus balm you’d quietly started using on the nerve scars along his shoulder. He never asked for it. Never mentioned when it ran out. But there it was.

A sticky note sat on the lid, folded in half.

“Start with a thin layer. Don’t overdo it or you’ll smell like a tree. —Y/N”

Underneath was a doodle of a tiny pine tree with a frowny face sat in the corner. He set it down, sat on the edge of the bed, and rubbed his hand over his face.

You were everywhere, quietly.

In the gym, reminding him to stretch after missions. In the kitchen, always placing the sugar on his side of the table. In the med bay, adjusting the light so it wouldn’t buzz when he sat under it. In the way Wanda handed him a book and said, “Y/N thought you’d like this one.”

You never called attention to any of it. Never asked for anything back.

And somehow, it all hit him right now, in the silence of his own damn room.

You weren’t just being kind.

You were being kind to him.

He leaned back against the wall, staring at the ceiling like it had answers. The balm sat next to him, untouched.

And suddenly, all he could think was: When did I start needing her?

Not just the medical part. Not just the stitches and the vitamins and the “take your painkillers or I’ll sedate you myself” threats.

But you.

All of it.

He grabbed the sticky note again, turning it over in his hand.

Then grabbed the balm, because yeah, maybe he did smell like a tree. But if it meant you’d still be hovering nearby tomorrow, clipboard in hand and eyes soft with concern?

He didn’t mind at all.

---

You were in the med bay, updating reports and reorganizing supplies. Calm, routine stuff. A protein bar sat on a napkin next to your tablet, but you hadn’t even taken a bite.

The team had been deployed on a perimeter sweep near Budapest—low threat, minimal risk. You hadn’t worried… until the comm crackled to life.

“Y/N.” It was Steve. His voice was tight. “We need med bay prepped. ETA fifteen minutes.”

You were already standing. “What happened?”

There was a pause. “Bucky’s hit. Left side. Took a hit shielding Nat from debris. We’ve stabilized him, but he’s not great.”

Not great.

Your stomach dropped. “Vitals?”

“Still with us. But you’ll need to dig deep.”

You were already moving. Vitals cart on, sterilizers heating, IVs prepped, and sutures laid out. You opened the drawer with the trauma shears and had to stop—both hands braced on the metal edge as your throat locked tight.

A cold rush of adrenaline prickled your skin.

He’s still with us.

But “not great” was a hell of a distance from okay.

You scrubbed your hands, twice, and blinked hard. A few tears fell anyway, streaking silently down your cheeks before you wiped them off and pulled your gloves on. No time for panic. No time for feelings.

You weren’t his person. But somewhere along the line, he’d become yours.

---

The rear ramp dropped. Tony hovered in with the stretcher as Sam helped guide it. Natasha’s jaw was set, her hands smeared with blood—his blood.

And there he was.

Unconscious. Pale. Lips slightly parted like he was stuck in a breath. His vibranium arm was twitching involuntarily.

You snapped into motion. “On the table—now. Hook up the monitor. Nat, give me the full report while I—damn it, someone get this vest off.”

Natasha rattled off the damage as you cut open the combat suit. Shrapnel through the lower left ribs. Vascular trauma. Debris burn across the shoulder. One lung likely bruised.

“Vitals are dropping,” Steve muttered. “Y/N—”

“I know.” You clamped gauze to the worst bleeder, then barked, “Steve, scrub in or get out.”

The room cleared fast.

You didn’t notice your hands trembling until you felt the blood pooling under your glove, hot and sticky. You dug in anyway.

---

He was stable. Bandaged and hooked up to monitors. His chest rising and falling, slower now. Normal. You sat beside him, stripped of your gloves and gown, hands raw from scrubbing, and eyes blurry.

You hadn’t left. Hours had passed. Everyone else had, but not you.

“You okay?” His voice rasped through the quiet.

You startled, looking up—Bucky’s eyes were half-lidded but open, watching you.

You sniffed, tried to smile. “You’re awake.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” You exhaled, shoulders dropping. He blinked slowly. “Your eyes are red.”

You rubbed your sleeve across your face. “Long day.”

His brow furrowed. “Y/N.”

“I’m fine.”

“You were crying.”

“No, I—”

“Sweetheart,” he murmured, low but steady. His vibranium arm, clumsy but precise, reached up and caught your hand. Gently tugged.

You tried to resist, just a little.

“C’mere.”

You let him pull you. One second you were sitting stiffly in the chair, the next you were curled against his good side, your forehead tucked under his jaw, cheek pressed to the edge of his shoulder.

He held you. A warm, real, heartbeat under your ear.

“I told you not to be a hero,” you whispered into his collar.

“Wasn’t trying to be. Just saw Nat about to get flattened.”

“You took a rebar to the ribs, Barnes.”

“Still breathing, aren’t I?”

You let out a weak laugh—half sob, half laugh. His hand came up and cradled your head gently before he pressed a kiss to your hairline. “I’m okay.”

“You weren’t,” you said, voice cracking. “Not for a while. You weren’t.”

His hand never stopped stroking your hair. “But I am now. Because you’re here.”

You gripped his shirt harder, hiding your face. “Don’t do that again.”

He didn’t say anything. Just held you closer. And for the first time in hours—maybe longer—you finally let yourself fall apart. And he didn’t let go.

---

The med bay was quieter than usual.

Bucky was sitting up now, monitors off, bandages fresh. He’d been cleared for light movement earlier that morning, and now he sat on the edge of the bed, tugging awkwardly at the edge of his hospital tee like it was itching.

You leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, watching him. “Looks like you’re getting ready to make a break for it,” you said lightly.

He looked up, lips twitching. “If I had my boots, I might try.”

“You’d make it about ten feet before collapsing.”

“Worth it.”

You pushed off the frame, stepping into the room. There was a new cup of tea in your hand—same chipped mug, same two sugars. You set it down beside him on the table without a word.

Bucky stared at it for a second, then up at you. “I’m getting the feeling you’re trying to fatten me up,” he said.

You shrugged. “Easier target.”

That earned a quiet laugh. He picked up the mug and sipped, but his gaze didn’t leave you. “You didn’t sleep,” he said after a beat.

You blinked. “I did.”

He gave you a look. “Y/N.”

You sighed. “Okay, maybe not a lot.”

“You stayed with me. Again.”

“I always stay with patients.”

“No, you don’t.”

Silence. He set the mug down, slow and deliberate, and reached for your wrist—not fast, not demanding, just enough to make you stop retreating. You let him take your hand.

“I remember,” he said quietly. “When I woke up. You were crying.”

You swallowed. “You were bleeding out. I didn’t know if I was gonna lose you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I could’ve.”

His thumb brushed over your knuckles. “But you didn’t.”

Your breath hitched. “I can’t lose you, Buck,” you said, barely above a whisper. “I can’t.”

He tugged gently, pulling you between his knees, one hand still cradling your fingers, the other resting lightly against your hip.

“You’re not gonna,” he murmured. “I’m not going anywhere. Not from you.”

Your eyes were glassy again. “You say that like it’s easy.”

“It is,” he said. “Now it is. Because this—” his vibranium hand tapped his chest, just above the fresh bandage “—hurts like hell. But not half as bad as seeing your face when I woke up.”

Your breath caught.

And then he leaned up, slowly, giving you every chance to pull away.

You didn’t.

Your lips met his—warm, careful, steady. Like a promise being made in real time.

When you pulled back, your forehead stayed pressed to his. His eyes were half-lidded, the ghost of a smile tugging at his mouth.

“You kiss all your patients?” he whispered.

You let out a breathy laugh. “Only the ones who try and disobey medical orders.”

He grinned, a little crooked. “I wasn’t gonna disobey.”

You arched a brow. “Liar.”

He kissed you again. This time a little firmer, more sure. And when you pulled away again, his arms wrapped around your waist, keeping you close.

“Stay a little longer?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said softly. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #avengers fix it fic #abby's works ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

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queersyourgender · 2 days ago

Note

Hey! First of all, I love your writing. I was wondering if you might be willing to write something about how Robby would handle having a very ill partner or spouse, especially one who is severely immunocompromised. My wife specializes in infectious disease and it's been both a challenge, but also incredibly touching the ways she's learned to balance her career, keeping me safe, and caring for me as illness has progressed. It's had me thinking a lot about how Robby might navigate a situation like this.

In Sickness and In Health — Michael "Robby" Robvinavitch x GN!Reader

Notes: Bro this is such a sweet ask,,, Your wife sounds wonderful and I wish you a wonderful time together for as long as you have one another ;;;; I hope I wrote this in a respectful way, thank you for sending in your request <3

———

Robby's loved a lot of people in his life. He's a man in his fifties, and he's not shy to admit that he's more than been around, especially in his younger days. But he thinks it's safe to say that he's never loved anyone, anyone, more than he's loved you.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greets you upon getting home, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as you slowly wake from your slumber and smile up at him to greet him. “How many spoons we got today?”

Once upon a time, you would've been reluctant to give that question an honest, straightforward answer. Now, though, with the ring on your finger reminding you how devoted your lovely husband is to you, you find it a lot easier to be honest with the man you love more than anyone and anything in the world.

“God, like… three,” you confess, groaning in protest when he pulls away just the slightest bit so he could cradle your face in his hands and peer into your eyes worriedly. You give him a tired, albeit reassuring smile. “It's fine, I spent the whole day napping on and off, so I'm feeling better. I'd say I'm up to five, even.”

Robby hums at you consideringly, brushing some of your hair out of your face and tilting his head at you. “Did you eat?” He asks simply, and at your sheepish expression, shakes his head fondly and gets off the bed entirely. “Alright then, sit tight, I'll whip up something for you quickly.”

“You're not tired, too?” You can't help but ask, worriedly watching his body closely as it moves sluggishly. You know his job is already hard enough as it is, without the added fact that his shifts are twelve hours. “I'd really rather just cuddle and go back to sleep.”

Robby gives you a look. “Food first, then sleep,” he replies adamantly, and you can't help the way your chest fills with warmth at his insistence on taking care of you. It served to remind you that when he said in sickness and in health, he'd meant it.

“I'll shower while you eat, then we can sleep, yeah?” He tells you, and you nod back at him with a smile.

#the pitt #x reader #the pitt x reader #reader #michael robinavitch #michael robinavitch x reader

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scriptseekstories · 1 day ago

Text

Thou Art With Child?!

Chapter 3- Drunken Dance

A/N: Come one come all, for I have a special gift to share! I’m now those cringe writers adding music and having the characters sing/J lmao,

But like… it’s a really good song from a good show you should totally listen and watch it-

P.S- I got my eyes dilated for a glasses appointment and now I’m just praying I proofread everything right or else I’ll cry

Affogato knew who you were even before you gave your name. Every cookie knows who you are, or at least the cookie you were made out to be in all the Kingdoms. The one that had paintings hung on the wall of your faded memory.

You weren’t forgotten so easily by history, for certain powerful cookies kept your legacy alive by stories and legends, some true some stretched into something more. But all were stayed simply as stories, cookies wishing they knew you.

Yet here he was, sleeping in the same bed (he insisted he got cold during nights) as the same cookie who he used to walk past portraits of, now waking up together by the wails of Doughy.

“Ngh… third time tonight…” You groggily slid out of bed and went to tend to your crying dough. Affogato never felt such utter torture until now, making him pull at his robes and follow you to where Doughy resided in a cradle you craved out.

“Why must you have so much to cry about in such a small body?!” Affogato cookie whined while holding Doughy, well, attempting to hold them as he had no idea to hold a baby.

Doughy was still wailing, little stubby arms reaching out for comfort, which was something Affogato cookie did not have in him. You rubbed your face to keep you awake as you hushed both of them.

“All I hear is two babies. Give him to me,” You firmly yet gently took your baby from Affogato cookie’s hands and cradled them. Their big innocent eyes stared up at you while you soothed their cries.

“What can make you sleep, my little bundle?” You tiredly mumbled, watching at Doughy stopped crying, but was whimpering and hiccuping. Affogato cookie rolled his eyes and trudged back to bed just as you had gotten an idea and smiled at your baby.

“Hush, little one, let me sing you to sleep~”

You sung softly, trying to have a good time to keep Doughy calm. That made Affogato cookie stop in his tracks, turning around quickly.

“Moonlight has come, so drift off to a dream~”

You swayed side to side, smiling at how your baby dough watched with their big eyes, quietly babbling nonsense.

“Sail from the day to the wonders awaiting you out there, the the deep~”

You moved around the room, hearing the giggles of Doughy and their squirming underneath their blanket swaddle.

“Off, little one chase the wind on the waves~”

Affogato cookie crept closer, eyes dilated from how you were singing, and what you were singing. Your back was turned to him, too busy keeping your baby dough quiet and calm.

“Adventure is calling, so go and be brave~”

You lifted your head up, startled by the sudden voice of Affogato cookie. You turned to see him yawning and wanting to go back to bed, but he crept forward towards you two.

“But if you get lost as you’re tossed in the dark of the sea, look for me~”

He placed a hand under the back of Doughy’s head, giving you a wink which made your lips twitch into a smile before turning your attention back to your baby.

“I will wait at the shore for you, I will weather each storm standing by till safe you return from the night~”

You both began to sing gently to Doughy. That made the baby dough giggle and yawned as you and Affogato cookie shuffled together to spin them around.

“My love is a lighthouse, so darling~”

Doughy’s breathing became deeper and more peaceful while you both sang. His catlike eyes drifted onto your face, watching how much you deeply loved your little baby dough, his eyes twinkling.

“My darling, look for the light~”

They were now soundly asleep, their little chest rising and falling in a steady state. With a relaxed sigh, you set Doughy back into their crib and pulled the blanket over them.

Placing your hand over your mouth to hush Affogato cookie, you two quickly yet quietly shuffled out of the room,

“How’d you know that lullaby?” You quietly asked, shutting the door, “My mother sang that to me as a baby, surely she didn’t get it from any kingdom,” That song was created when you lived off the shore with your family, way before you moved into the forest away from it all.

“I do admit, it’s been a very well known lullaby across the Dark Cacao Kingdom,” Affogato cookie mumbled, “Among other Kingdoms,” He merely shrugged and stalked back to bed, leaving you in the hallway.

Known lullaby? Your brain processed what he said before it clicked. When you would visit the nearby village with the heroes of Earthbread, you would softly sing that song to the kids when they plead to hear your voice.

The same song you used to sing when drunk after a long night of Hollyberry and Golden Cheese cookie chugging down juice, keeping everyone laughing and enjoying the night.

“They didn’t fully forget me…” You whispered out, your hand reaching to your chest and squeezing your shirt. They may not have searched for you after the Dark Flour war, but they didn’t throw you away.

They cared, in some way. Your face heated up before shaking your head firmly. They were gone, you can’t reminisce the past of the ones who are no longer here.

You had Doughy now, and Affogato cookie! Your feelings towards the strange cookie was… getting better. So far, any thoughts of him hurting you or your baby was gone as he was nothing but helpful. Sure, he’s still a little unhinged most days but a week of spending time together was… fun.

“Let’s hope I’m not wrong about you,”

꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁

“What is it this time?” You laughed, hands on your hips witnessing Dark Cacao cookie hunched over a bucket you brought in, looking more nauseous than the second.

“Good old Dark Cacao cookie ate some mushrooms Golden Cheese cookie dared him to!” Hollyberry laughed while patting the hero of abundance on her shoulder, the said cookie merely smirking.

“And he complied?” You couldn’t hide your smile while rubbing Dark Cacao cookie’s shaking back, “He didn’t wish to be seen as a prude,” Pure Vanilla sighed with a disappointed head shake.

“Y-You owe me… crystals….” Dark Cacao cookie managed to choke out before gagging and went back to vomiting in the bucket. You grimaced while letting him lean against your body, your heart skipped a beat when his heavy breathing vibrating through your body.

“I have some herbs to make into paste if you have anymore tea,” White Lily cookie emerged from the outside holding some plants. You felt your heart beat faster feeling her soft hands onto yours when she passed the plants to you.

“My dazzling treasure, you don’t, by any chance, have any more of that juice I stashed here?” Golden Cheese cookie tried to slyly flutter over and whisper to you, “I would advise to stop stashing things in my house, Golden Cheese cookie, I keep tripping over golden chains,” You jokingly sighed, making her grin as you rummaged around a chest to reveal loads of bottles.

“Let’s celebrate the revival of our dear friend Dark Cacao cookie by having rounds of berry juice!” Hollyberry cheered, pulling Dark Cacao to sit upright and grabbing a bottle.

“You always say that for the excuse to drink,” Pure Vanilla shook his head with a smile, White Lily giggling softly as Hollyberry let out a boisterous laugh.

“Yes!” She agreed shamelessly, “Come my dear (Name)! You’re always the best drinking buddy!” She swung an arm around you and pulled you to her chest. You yelped felt your body grow hot with how she held you close to her.

“O-okay!!” You squeaked out, being spun around by the cookie before she ran out, motioning for everyone to follow. You rubbed your cheek with a shaky and breathless grin.

“You better not drink it all, Hollyberry cookie! It’s also mine!” Golden Cheese shouted after her, making sure to tuck her wings as to not knock over some of your house items.

“Yes, let us have a sip of juice to make you feel better,” Pure Vanilla cookie reassured his friend as he cringed at the paste you had to spoon feed him to. Dark Cacao cookie glared at him before

“Ngh… fine,” He grumbled, but deep down secretly wanted to drink the embarrassing moment he went through today. He trudged to follow his friends who were already laughing with joy.

“But not too much drinking! We all can’t carry Hollyberry back home again!” White Lily worriedly yelled, setting down the herbs and hurriedly ran after them, which meant it was just you and Pure Vanilla.

He gave you a big smile, thanking you for helping with Dark Cacao’s little bet with Golden Cheese, “Ah, not problem, anything for you,” You shyly rubbed your neck, not seeing how Pure Vanilla cookie’s soul jam glowed at your words.

“Best not to let them drink it all, my (Name),” His (Name)… the way he worded things you couldn’t help but smile a big dopey grin, your cheeks heating up.

You grabbed his hand and he led you outside where Golden Cheese cookie was already pushing down an entire bottle of juice down Hollyberry’s throat, where White Lily was frantically trying to stop them with Dark Cacao cookie silently sipping his cup watching the scene in front of him.

“Wait for us!”

꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁

“(Name) cookie?” Affogato cookie tiled his head, raising an eyebrow at your spaced out look on your face. Doughy whined and patted

“Darling, you’re spilling your soup,” You were back from whatever you were thinking about, cursing to yourself as you held the bowl upright, staring at the puddle that you caused on your carpet.

“A-Ah! Sorry!” You apologized, remembering to clean up the mess later. Affogato cookie chuckled and sipped his own jelly soup, amused yet intrigued at how spaced out you were lately.

“What is swimming in your pretty head of yours~?” He purred, making you roll your eyes and stirred the soup with your spoon absentmindedly.

“Memories of the past. What could’ve been,” You nonchalantly shrugged, but it peaked Affogato’s interest even more. You turned your attention to who was on your lap, Doughy wanting more food.

“Open up, Doughy~!” You did an exaggerated expression of opening your mouth to get them to mimic. They giggled at your silly face and clapped, opening their mouth to have a spoonful of jelly soup.

“Look at you! Getting so chunky!” You cooed, tickling their sides which caused them to squeal and clasped onto your hand, their mismatched dough contrasting your own.

“You know,” Affogato cookie sets his bowl down, “It’s been a long week of the two of us- which I mean you- fixing up this lovely home~” You raised an eyebrow and deadpanned at his words, where he kept his shit eating grin and continued.

“How about later tonight when Doughy is off to bed, we could do another night of us drinking berry juice~?” He offered, before reeling back with a yelp when Doughy pulled their hand from their mouth and slapped it on Affogato’s arm, saliva splattered on his dough.

The offer was tempting, nights of Doughy wailing and demanding all sorts of baby needs was getting to you, but could you really trust being drunk with Affogato cookie?

“Oh, Affogato cookie, you know I’m not that much of a drinker,”

꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁

“A-and then, the b-beast landed a strong impact on my friends!!” You giggled while letting out hiccups, swaying side to side from where you were sitting. Drinker my ass, you were three bottles of berry juice, along with Affogato cookie, you two were giggling like idiots.

“W-what a delightful story~!” Affogato cookie clapped joyfully, lounging on the couch with a big dopey grin on his face. He himself was also not a drinker, however the way you light up whenever he participated in berry juice he couldn’t resist accepting.

Which is how you ended up where, giggling like dumbasses while Doughy was peacefully asleep. You hiccuped and opened one eye to look at Affogato cookie.

“Say… y-you going to ever tell-tell me why you looked so… so ratty when met?” You swallowed hard, lazily grinning at the cookie who scoffed and waved his hand dismissively.

“I’m a-afraid you’ll be… mildly disgusted if I told you~” He answered bluntly, “Nahh… of course I won’t!” You tossed your hands up, spilling drops of juice before chugging the whole thing down.

“Trust m-me, my darling (Name)~ N-not even… my cunning looks c-could m…make you forgive me~” He cooed, making you laugh. None of you could really register what the other was saying, so the words slipping out was simply drunken words.

“Mm… be-beautiful night,” You switched conversations, distracted by the twinkling stars shining down above your home. Affogato cookie followed your gaze, seeing the crescent moon barely above the mountains.

“Back when-… when I was at my home, I-I used to watch the stars under- under my window~” He drunkenly confessed, softly and quietly that you might’ve blunt hard it if he wasn’t right next to you.

“When m-my… friends used to visit, we would-would drink outside and…” You felt your face heat up, “Dance,” You tried to mumble the last part, but you were too drunk to control your voice and you said it very loudly. Affogato cookie stared at you before bursting into more giggles.

“Dance?” He laughed, “S-shut up! I was b-born with two… two l-left feet!” You argued, knowing damn well you never had the rhythm nor skills to dance. Affogato swayed his head outside, before stumbling to stand up and threw himself toward without falling.

“Do you… w-wish for a dance, darling~?” He slurred, attempting to look dazzling and charming by stretching his arm out, but was so close to stumbling onto the ground with one push.

You giggled before attempting to catch his hands, wobbling a few times when you finally clasped onto him. He yelped when your weight pushed him back and he stumbled down the front steps, catching you into his chest.

“Just watch me~” He drunkenly cooed, pulling you upright before you both began to waltz around, your feet stumbling about. You were never the best dancer, always making up your very cringey and dorky dances that didn’t involve another cookie.

Until they appeared.

Your memories filled your brain, the nights where you danced underneath the moonlight with Pure Vanilla after drinks. He would laugh and spin both of you around while the insects humming noises sound like a melody in your drunken states.

“I will, wait at the shore for you,”

You both softly sang together, trying not to giggle and hiccup as the jelly fireflies began to rise from their slumber, flashing with light surrounding the two of you.

“I will weather each storm standing by till safe you return from the night~!”

Your eyes made you see Golden Cheese cookie flutter above you, holding your hand in hers as she twirls you around with a grin. Those memories were fun.

“My love is a lighthouse~”

You could see Dark Cacao cookie holding you close as he tried to teach you how to dance, even patiently wincing when you would step on his shoes.

“So darling, my darling~”

The laughter of Hollyberry cookie when she lifted you in her arms and you both laughed while she spun you in her arms, while you attempted to not throw up from how hard she hugged you.

“Look for the light~”

The soft giggles of White Lily faded in ever so slightly, seeing the memories of her waltzing with you while all five of you danced together in such a elegant yet drunken manner it was the most fun you had.

Affogato held his eyes closed while holding you closely to him. His head rested on top of yours as the cold night air draped over you both, but the heat from the drunkenness kept you both warm.

His plans… they were on hold. This life he never thought he would achieve was getting to him. A peaceful and happy week he spent learning magic with you, seeing Doughy grow more attached to you.

Maybe… his plans to get back at Dark Cacao will be sweeter than this life he put on, he’ll keep you by his side and rule the kingdom with your child growing up to be a perfect heir.

“Darling?” Affogato cookie whispered, feeling your weight pushed against him more. You let out a whine,

“Ngh… Nilla…” You moaned softly, trying to feel the buzzing in your head to go away, “Holl… Lily…” You snuggled further into his chest, a drunken blissful expression on your face.

“Gold… Cacao…” The name of that wretch made Affogato cookie to stare at your now sleeping face, eyes glazing over with a dark glint. His grip tightened ever so slightly around your body to prevent you from waking up.

He dragged you back inside, into your room, and he tucked you into bed, sliding next to you. He stared at the back of your head, not saying a word while you obliviously slept your drunkenness away.

“Aren’t you clever? Tricking me to… feel weak,”

꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁꧂ ꧁

Two cookies treaded through the thick forest, the mixture of snow and green grass left footprints wherever they walked, attempting to travel into this new territory that appeared a week ago from the Dark Cacao Kingdom and Hollyberry Kingdom territory.

“Caramel Arrow cookie, listen,” The shorter cookie paused in his steps, crouching down and raised his claws in anticipation, waiting for anything to strike just as more rustling came from bushed behind them.

“Halt! Who goes there?!” Caramel Arrow cookie draws her bow, ready to fire at whatever was hiding in the forest greens. Crunchy Chip growled and was about to pounce at the sound when he stopped seeing a families glint of red.

“Stand down, First Watcher,” A monotone yet clear voice commanded while his full figure emerged. Crunchy Chip quickly yelped and motioned the archer to lower her weapon. She slowly did, sharing her eyes at the new cookie before nodding.

“Ah, you must be Wildberry cookie,” Caramel Arrow cookie smiled, “Crunchy Chip cookie told me all about you,” Said cookie choked on air and punched the archer’s arm roughly with his face turning red.

“Like Oven I did!!” Crunchy Chip cookie hissed at his friend, “She’s lying don’t believe her!” He quickly said to Wildberry cookie, who simply nodded in acknowledgment.

“Say, what are you even doing here?” Crunchy Chip recovered from his embarrassment, “I was sent by Hollyberry cookie to go on this mission, however she requested to keep the target a secret,” Wildberry cookie informed in his usual polite tone.

“Weird, Dark Cacao cookie told us the same thing,” Caramel Arrow cookie hummed with her hand to her chin, “Question, does this target involve the magic beam of light?” She asked curiously, but seeing the soldier’s eyes widen ever so slightly made her confirm her suspicions.

“I suppose that I could reveal the truth if we are after the same thing,” He replied, nodding along before his eyes slowly trailed up to a figure perched on a thick branch.

“So we all were sent by the Ancients without any others’ knowledge?” Black Raisin cookie wondered from the trees, causing the other two to flinch from the voice and cautiously watch as she jumped down from the tree.

Just from behind Black Raisin cookie, emerged an irritated and tired Smoked Cheese cookie, whacking away branches with his staff while arching his back to sooth his aching pain.

“You all willingly went to venture on this fellowship of yours,” Smoked Cheese cookie huffed, “Her majesty, Golden Cheese cookie forced me to accept this tedious journey,” He sarcastically remarked, right before shutting up when Black Raisin cookies gave him a harsh glare.

“If our majesties tasked each one of us to venture out to find that source of magic without each of them knowing, then it must be serious,” Caramel Arrow cookie guessed. It was weird that Dark Cacao cookie wasn’t really specific on what exactly they were looking for, but he said they would know when they see it?

“The question now remains, what do we do when we arrive to our destination?” Smoke Cheese cookie pushed his staff into the dirt. He frankly does not care of what he was looking for, as long as the others find it, he would be satisfied.

“I say we fight till one is left standing to retrieve this magical source!” Crunchy Chip cookie grinned sharply and raised his fists that held his claws. Black Raisin cookie gave the short cookie a warning look, as if daring him to attack her.

“Or,” Wildberry cookie placed a hand on Crunchy Chip’s head, “We are to work together, retrieve this magic source, and confront our majesties about their secretive requests,” Crunchy Chip cookie growled and swatted the hand away before mumbling an agreement.

“I supposed that’s a good strategy,” Black Raisin cookie reluctantly agreed with help from these cookies. These other cookies seemed to be better company than Smoked Cheese cookie, who did nothing but complain and rant.

“If we must, I’d rather not travel with other cookies, but it’s better than being with Burnt Cheese cookie,” Smoked Cheese cookie grumbled. Caramel Arrow cookie smiled and pointed one of her blades out into the forest.

“Right then, onward! We’re almost there!”

A/N: there’s a lot of jump cuts in this chapter because I’m very bad at where to put parts in lol

Also what would you think about the Beasts and other cookies attempting to woo (Name) because they see a cookie with a child and are like “obviously that baby need a parent that steps up and that cookie needs a spouse to marry”

Taglist: @pix-stuff @jellystar-star @moon0goddess @lettucel0ver @lithiumval @degenerates-posts @ryuushou @deathbynarcisstick @silverklaus @artistwithcreativeburnout @middevil465 @jsprien213 @1abi @oliviaewl @redkarmakai @nxdxsworld @the-dumber-scaramouche @sc3n3mo-t3to @tw-om-gi-hs-56387 @bunniotomia @welpthisisboring @rad4bean @ithoughtthinks @reeyy0-2 @ceramic-raven @danart501 @esposadomd @trashlanternfish360 @jjoppees @nervousalpacalady @eyeless-kun @pinkcloudcat @lunamonkeypower @soriansick @your-favorite-god @fandom-freak-123 @cupid73 @solarisstarrsolomonsbeloved @otterluver05 @dondonrulerofall @octo-artist

#cookie run kingdom x reader #crk x reader #cookie run x reader #pure vanilla cookie x reader #dark cacao cookie x reader #white lily cookie x reader #hollyberry cookie x reader #golden cheese cookie x reader #affogato cookie x reader #yandere cookie run #yandere crk

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