#and there's genres of game that can be good physical therapy for certain things

[tumblunni]

OH MAN, jacksepticeye is really my fave youtube personality in terms of personality yknow? he’s just so nice and so enthusiastic. and he tries to be kind to his fans, and he tries to consider things. Nobody is perfect but I feel at least he tries, which means a lot in an environment where people can make bullshit nazi jokes and cry ‘but freedom of speech’ when anyone gets mad at them :P Like I really liked that I was just watching one of his reading fanmail videos and he mentions how he was so happy to attend a showcase for a company that focuses on making accessable controllers for people whose disability keeps them from playing games. I’m so glad to hear that technology has actually progressed to the point where people who have spinal paralysis can use controllers that work using your chin or blinking! Of course the primary focus should always be improving their quality of life, but I think its very important that like.. we dont just stop at the ‘essentials’? Quality of life doesnt just stop at essentials, im so glad that physical disability friendly controllers are becoming more affordable and effective! And things that can help with doing sports, and writing/drawing, and all sorts of daily life stuff that isnt considered ‘essential’! Seriously, like... ‘oh it shouldnt be a priority’ is so messed up, everyone else is able to do these various stress-relief activities yet people who’re living a very stressful situation get ‘oh it shouldnt be a priority’. Plus I dont think that any form of daily life accommodation has ever ctually taken funding away from major cure research or whatever... ANYWAY I’m just happy to see a major youtuber promoting these kinds of things, and aknowledging how important it is! And he talked about how he loves that his lets plays are a way for disabled people to enjoy games when they arent able to play them themself. Thats like a major reason I wanna get into youtubing too!! I don’t know anyone with a hand or spine disability, but I know a friend who has photosensitive epilepsy and can’t play certain types of games. This is why i also personally love whenever people make screenshot lets plays and forum thread lets plays and stuff, i just feel happy knowing i can reccommend them to my friend. And since I wanna create my own indie game someday, I love to keep gathering information on ways to make it accessable, and ways to help people experience it even if I cant make it accessable to them. I’d definately wanna make lets plays of my own games so that people can experience them! if I ever make a commercial game I might release that as like a director’s cut dlc or something? Add a bunch of design trivia and fun! But just mostly advertise it as ‘hey yknow if for whatever reason you cant play the game/cant complete it, theres a free lets play in here’ I JUST WANNA LIVE UP TO THE JACKSEPTICEYE LEGACY I wanna be kind to other human beings, and not get caught up in popularity ego stuff. i dont wanna ever think ‘this particular group of people doesnt matter’. if i ever do anything wrong, i want it to be a mistake i can correct, not a purposeful cruel act. i wanna always keep learning! man this video has really motivated me aaa!! its such a shame he didnt mention the name of the company that makes the paralysis-assistance gaming gear? it was like a response to a livestream he did where he showed them, but i cant find the original video he was referencing...

[sugadaily]

On tvN’s You Quiz on the Block, SUGA told stories from before his debut. The period of his life when he struggled with how to live off his music. SUGA and BTS have kept going and going for eight years, and now he’s on their grounds, where he can do anything he wants musically. What began with that long journey is the story of SUGA holding his head up higher and staring at the future, reaching for it.

How are you feeling after your shoulder surgery? You’re doing physical therapy in parallel with work. SUGA: I’m all right. I’m keeping up with the physical therapy, too. I had surgery last year because I wanted to be able to go back to work sooner. I have nothing else to do except music.

You said that there’s nothing for you to do other than music in the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, too. SUGA: It’s true. I tried gaming, but I have no talent for it. The people I play with online get so frustrated if I do. I mean, I’m working hard and got some recognition in my life, and yet people bash me so hard in games. (laughs)

I wonder if there’s a game you can do better in than you do in your career. You’re currently at your sixth week at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 [with “Butter, at the time of this interview]. (laughs) How are you feeling these days? SUGA: When we were at number one for two weeks straight, I was like, Wow, this is so amazing! But after the fifth or sixth week, we really started to talk about it between ourselves: I really can’t believe this. Anyway, I feel like I have a responsibility. And I think I’ll end up thinking much, much more when we get ready for the next promotion. Even if I just try to enjoy this situation, it hasn’t sunk in. We can’t leave the country, plus there’s lots of issues in the world right now that are much more important than how well we perform on the charts.

As you say, it’s a tough situation, all over the world. How do you feel about releasing “Permission to Dance,” with its positive message, at this point in time? SUGA: It seems like everyone around the world is really tired of this situation dragging out. I wanted to convey a message that tells people to keep hanging on to hope until the very end. Whereas we released the album BE in this situation, seemingly without any certainty, I believe things will slowly get better now. I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but I’m still working with the hope that we can return to a situation that resembles what we had before.

Aren’t you tired of the pandemic being in this prolonged state? SUGA: I look at it as, when you lose one thing, you gain another. I ended up being able to see my family more since I’m in Korea. In that sense, I feel more stable, so I’m not so much tired as hoping each day that things will become okay soon. I keep moving back and forth between work and home, and I’ve started to reflect on parts of myself I didn’t know about before. Like that I feel somewhat comfortable when I start and finish work at a certain time. While I used to have to go to bed at a certain time for work the next day or else I had a hard time getting up early, now I know I’ve figured out what time I should wake up at to make sure I feel good all day. What I pursue in life is emotional stability, and I don’t think there’s really anything too exciting or sad happening these days.

What effect do those emotions have when you work on music? SUGA: They don’t have a big effect on it. I think it affects the way I write lyrics a bit, but I’m not working on any lyrics at the moment. I’ve been making music for a long time, so I think it’s possible for me to express emotions I’m not feeling in the moment. And it’s good that we released “Permission to Dance” in this kind of situation.

You sing rather than rap in “Permission to Dance.” In addition to rapping, you started singing more both before and after BE. What did you learn about your voice? SUGA: “Permission to Dance” was a little bit difficult. I don’t draw a line between singing and rapping or anything, but it was different from our usual style, and the vocals were a bit high, too. So even though it took a while to prepare for it, I worked hard, and even when I asked some older musicians for their opinions, they all said, “It’s good the way you’re doing it. Don’t try to sing better—just sing more.” I think my only option is to sing more, like they suggested.

As far as style goes, you’ve been doing a smoother kind of pop music. Did any differences arise as a result of these changes? SUGA: All things considered, the English was the hardest part. I paid close attention to my pronunciation in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” It wasn’t easy to capture that smooth feeling in the songs, so I practiced my pronunciation quite a bit. And I end up breathing a lot when I’m doing an English song, but the rap parts were a bit hard for that reason. There’s a clear difference from Korean songs, since English has so many syllables. But I don’t have any one method I stick with for my vocals yet, so I tend to try lots of different things out.

What do you make of BTS’s achievements over the past year with “Permission to Dance” and “Butter,” as well as the group’s change in style? In the space of a year, you’ve released songs in a style different from MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 or BE. SUGA: As a producer, I think reactions are important to an artist who works within the field of popular music. With that in mind, speaking as a producer, “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” were the best choices. And musical tastes are different from country to country, and the cultures are different, too. Given that situation, I think it’s important that we’re a group who can send such a universal message out into the world.

BTS has really grown and changed a lot, starting with “No More Dream” and all the way to “Permission to Dance.” SUGA: I think it’s a natural course of event for those of us who make pop music. Artists mix and match different genres as they grow, and the music develops as the people of its time listen to it. I’ve been listening to a ton of music lately, and thanks to the times we live in, if I listen to a song a few times, they recommend me more songs in a similar style. And after listening to them, I realized the style of hip hop is also changing and is splitting off into different offshoots. Other than hip hop, I also listen to a lot of instrumental music. I’ve always liked Hans Zimmer’s music. There have been many times where a movie I like turns out to have music by Hans Zimmer.

What is it about Hans Zimmer’s music that draws you in? SUGA: I like orchestral music. There’s a lot of pop songs that are under the three-minute mark now, and whereas it’s sort of predetermined that they’re always written with intros that are four bars long, orchestral music can do a lot within its framework.

But, as can be seen in IU’s song “eight,” which you both produced and featured on, you broke out of pop music’s typical composition style and tried out a highly condensed progression. The composition of the chorus is very straightforward. SUGA: Yes. I insisted that the flow be roughly cut in half from that of a typical song, and I expect more pop music will be like that in the future. And maybe even shorter as time goes on. I mean, these days there’s songs that are under two minutes, even.

Regardless, I felt the chorus in “eight” is extremely dramatic with its structure and the melody of the chorus. I thought it was rather grand in scale as well. Would you say that you’re attempting to mix your tastes and things you want to do into the structure of pop music? SUGA: As you know, I love hip hop, so when I was first making music I thought it had to be hip hop no matter what and that I had to take pride in my own ideas and not accept any compromise. But while getting some experience at the forefront of pop music, I figured out that you can keep being stubborn or inflexible because there are people listening to you. There was a time I made music without any listeners before I became a member of BTS. But if someone were to ask if I stopped being stubborn about the music I’m making these days, the answer’s no. As I grew up and became an adult, I came to realize that I have to negotiate between what I want to do and the kind of music the public wants without compromising anything. When I give up on something I wanted to do, I ask myself, What will I get out of this? And conversely, when I want to do something, I ask myself, What can I get out of this? That’s how I keep my balance to make it to where I am now.

You have no choice but to think about those things when you work on other artists’ songs, especially when you’re a producer. SUGA: I’m BTS’s SUGA, and I’m Agust D, and when I’m producing, I go by “by SUGA.” But when it comes to by SUGA, I make perfectly commercial music. I’m the producer for those songs, sure, but the owner is someone else, you know? In that case, they’re commissioning my work. But they wouldn’t think about just leaving it all with SUGA. The artist’s label has to think carefully about whether to commission me for producing and consider my situation, too, and those people must be hoping for something commercial. That’s the most important part of working with outside people. Actually, that kind of work isn’t much of a benefit to me, to be honest. Oh, he can write this kind of song, too. That’s all. The more valuable thing I can get from it is the recognition and records the artist or the company will get with the song instead.

As you noted in your previous Weverse Magazine interview, when you discussed your “interest in the music industry in the US,” you seem to constantly think about the things artists can do within the framework of the music industry. SUGA: I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve become more certain since the pandemic started that I’m the kind of person who always has to be doing music. That much I know for sure, so I want to keep on making good music. And the pop music market is something that came about because there were people listening, and there’s a long history to the US music market, and it possesses the most influential charts in the whole word. So then I thought, Wouldn’t they have gone through all the same things that we have? And really, whenever I talk to other pop stars, the situation is always similar. The US is also more realistic about commercial results than any other country. I wanted an accurate picture of how those people work. Right now, Korean pop music’s spread is in full swing and we need more good artists to keep popping up. From a producer’s standpoint, if that’s going to happen, I think the key is how well we can mix our music and the characteristics of overseas music industries overall.

How did it feel to be in the lineup for the Grammy Awards, one of the icons of the US music industry? SUGA: The feeling was less immediate because we couldn’t be there in person, and it wasn’t a huge distinction, but the performance made me think, This is different, because it’s the Grammys. What changed my view from the first time I went to an American music awards ceremony was, the first time I went, I was really scared of the world’s biggest music market. But when I look back now, I don’t think I had any reason to feel that intimidated. To be honest, I have only now begun to enjoy the awards ceremonies; I wasn’t able to then.

It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ve achieved most of the things that you can as an artist in the music industry. What steps do you think are necessary for the artists who follow after BTS? SUGA: The way artists work seems so difficult. They make an appearance on a different music show every day once the promotional period begins, meaning the exhaustion artists face is enormous, and that fatigue often results in injuries as it adds up. That kind of music show is for promotional purposes, so it’s not like the artists can earn a proper income from them. On top of that, despite all the promoting, there’s no visible outcome, so they inevitably lose morale. If possible, it’d be nice to have one of the performances be really high-quality, even if it’s just the one, but in this environment I’d say that’s pretty difficult. And since our job doesn’t fit the common conception of work, there’s ambiguous boundaries when it comes to issues of legal protection as well. We need a lot of improvements to be made to the industry and its system.

They demand a lot of things as collateral for success, yet success is extremely difficult to attain. SUGA: The great thing about the label I’m with is they listen to the artists’ opinions. I think both we and the label know to a certain degree what kinds of activities would be best commercially speaking. But the question is whether the body can endure it or not. If the fatigue builds up as you continuously do those promotional activities, it’s hard to do them the way you did when you first debuted. In that case, I think the label ought to actively accommodate the artist’s views about what they can and cannot do. An attitude that’s just like, Oh, we made you kids, and as long as you just do what we tell you to it’ll all work out, so just do it—I think that really doesn’t make any sense. Of course, there could still be situations where the label has to be pushy like that, obviously. But I heard there’s been times where a label will just say, Do it, without any explanation to the artist, or, Why are you talking so much? I think that’s the biggest issue and it’s destroying the industry. If you just see the artist as a product, how can they do anything creative? I really think it’s very contradictory to ask the people on stage to put on an enjoyable performance when they’re experiencing neither fun nor enjoyment.

That reminds me of the music video for “Daechwita” somehow. You appear onscreen as both a rebel character and a king, looking as different as your situation when you first debuted with BTS and your situation now. SUGA: There was a lot I wanted to do in “Daechwita,” not just musically but also visually, and a lot of ideas came to me as I came to reflect on who I am as a person while working on the music video. It naturally occurred to me to separate SUGA, by SUGA and Agust D. The character I played in that video who wasn’t the king was a stranger. It takes place during the Joseon era, but then there’s cars and guns, which of course don’t belong in that era. I think we’ve been living our lives that way. Right from our debut, a portion of the hip hop lovers criticized us by saying, They’re idols. But at the same time, we heard things like, They’re not idols. I didn’t know which drumbeat to march to, so I think that’s why each of our albums took a different direction than people were expecting. But I don’t think I can call myself a stranger in this situation anymore. So these days my main goal is to keep going with BTS for a long time. Having a huge audience show up at our concerts is nice, but I think the goal for all of us is to make sure the group can keep making music even as we get older. I think right now we’re thinking a lot about how we can have fun and be happy on stage.

What do you mean when you say fun and happy music? SUGA: I think people are happier the busier I am, so lately I’ve been thinking that I need to focus a little more. I figure we should do as much as we can for ARMY since they feel happy watching us. We’ll continue to try our best, so I hope they believe in BTS and keep their eyes on us.

So that’s why you do music. SUGA: This is the only thing I know how to really do. Other than music and BTS, there’s nothing special about me when I look at this 28-year-old Min Yoongi. That’s why I want to keep doing this.

[stagandsteer]

Complete transcript of the Wonderland interview, by Catherine Santino, below the cut :)

In 1993, the year in which Freeform’s new thriller series Cruel Summer opens, actor Froy Gutierrez was yet to be born. Chat rooms and beepers, just two of the symbols of 90’s culture featured in the show, were absent in Gutierrez's own childhood. Instead, the 22 year old grew up among the endless, glowing feeds of social media — and the inevitable pressures that they create.

“There’s a kind of self-awareness that comes from growing up with the internet, which everyone in our cast did,” Gutierrez, who stars in the upcoming series, tells me over Zoom — his boyish charm tangible across the screen. “We’re all technically Gen Z or like, older Gen Z. And so you have to unburden yourself from curating a persona online.”

Due to the dizzying evolution of technology in the past two decades, Gutierrez and I had drastically different experiences with the internet growing up — even though he’s only seven years my junior. I fondly remember a time without the prevalence of social media, while Gutierrez was born into an era where internet presence was not only common, but expected.

Like most of Gutierrez’s peers, the actor was active on social media from a young age, but his presence has quietened over the years — even with 1.7 million instagram followers. “If there’s a general consensus on the internet of a certain readership or viewership, you know about it, because people tweet about it directly to you,'' he says. “There’s a kind of lumping in of the character you’re playing with who you are, that people do. I don’t know if it’s intentional. It’s probably just a human thing, but that happens. And it can be hard not to internalize what you read about yourself, you know? Words have power.”

In 2017, Gutierrez appeared on supernatural MTV drama Teen Wolf, a show with a massive internet fandom. Suddenly, fan theories and commentaries about his character, Nolan Holloway, came in droves, something that the young actor wasn’t necessarily prepared for. “I was still a teenager,” he says. “Around that time, you're an adult, but you’re still figuring things out. So I learned where to set my boundaries because I didn’t know where they were beforehand.”

When Cruel Summer came around, Gutierrez assumed he would be portraying the “desirable young male” he was used to auditioning for. “The first time I read the character, it definitely felt like an archetype. When I auditioned for it, I walked in and was very much myself, and Michelle Purple and Jessica Biel responded very well to it.” However, after he got the role and production ramped up, he was pleasantly surprised. “It didn’t really hit me that they were wanting to take him in such a unique direction until I showed up for wardrobe one day to do my first fitting for the pilot,” Gutierrez recalls. “I looked at the mood board for Jamie and it was like, young Heath Ledger, Keanu Reeves and Kurt Cobain. And I was like ‘Oh shit, I need to step my game up,’” he laughs. “I couldn’t get by doing the same thing that I’ve always done when it comes to characters like that.”

Cruel Summer takes place over the course of three years — ‘93, ‘94, and ‘95 — showing splices of each year in every episode. Produced by Jessica Biel, Tia Napolitano, and Michelle Purple, it centres around the kidnapping of a teenage girl and the fallout of the crime in her community in Skylin, Texas. Gutierrez plays Jamie Henson, the boyfriend of the missing girl, Kate. In her absence, a quiet nerd named Jeanette suddenly rises the social ranks and assumes Kate’s place — including dating Jamie. When Kate returns, Jeanette is suspected to be involved in her disappearance, throwing Jamie into some seriously challenging circumstances. His character could easily be a one-dimensional archetype — and truthfully, I expected him to be — but Cruel Summer took the opportunity to explore toxic masculinity and its widespread impact.

We see Jamie caught in the middle of conflict, unsure how to respond to a traumatic event that certainly no teenager expects to be faced with. He’s not a hero, but he’s not a villain either. It’s unclear whether we’re supposed to root for Jamie or not, which makes him that much more interesting to watch. “He talks a lot about his desire to protect the people around him, regardless of whether or not they asked him to protect them,” Gutierrez says of his character. “He kind of superimposes his own idea of what the people around him need. In order to maintain the peace of the people around him, he kind of robs the people around him of their agency. It’s just a really fascinating character to play in that way.”

Gutierrez has also been able to explore the ethics of true crime in a time when the genre is exploding in popularity. Though Cruel Summer is fictional, it questions the effect that public opinion can have on criminal cases — and perhaps more importantly — the well-being of the people involved. “When it comes to the investigation of a crime, you have to weigh the good it can bring into the world versus the bad it can bring. Or making one person seem suspect, or airing the dirty laundry of a private citizen for the viewership of loads of people.”

Despite his eloquent reflections on Jamie throughout our conversation, it’s clear that Gutierrez doesn’t take himself too seriously. He speaks into the camera like we’re old friends on FaceTime, and when my dog unexpectedly jumps into my frame, he gushes excitedly and asks what her name is. He’s able to laugh at himself one minute and share poignant truths the next. It’s refreshing, much like Cruel Summer.

Another likely contributor to the show’s authenticity? The fact that the cast was kept in the dark when it came to overarching plot points. Instead of knowing the show’s trajectory ahead of time, the actors would receive scripts for the next episode while they were filming — and they were subject to change. “We didn’t know where it was going,” Gutierrez says. “And we were told, “‘This might happen here, or this might happen there.’ And it would shift around.”

Without foresight into their character’s arc, the actors have no choice but to focus only on where they were in that moment — a difficult task when a single episode spans three very different years. Gutierrez faced an even greater challenge, as, unlike the two female leads, his character didn’t undergo any drastic physical transformations over the three years.

“I didn’t really compartmentalise the character,” he explains. “I kind of thought of the different years as different phases in my own life. The first year, ‘93, was a complete absence of any regret. You’re still very young, I was just thinking of like, a complete golden retriever,” he laughs. “A 16-year old boy who just wants the best and isn’t aware. ‘94 is me right before I made the decision to go to therapy, where I was making all these bad decisions and I didn’t know why. And then ‘95 was a whole desire to wrestle with those things and really look at yourself in the mirror and take accountability.”

Gutierrez didn’t only infuse personal experience into his behind-the-scenes work — some aspects made it onto the screen. The actor, whose father is Mexican, grew up spending time between Mexico and Texas and is a native Spanish speaker. Because Cruel Summer is set in Texas, Gutierrez suggested creating a similar background for Jamie.

“I was talking with Tia Napolitano, the show-runner, and I was like, ‘Hey, you know what would be really cool? What if the character is half-Mexican, too?’” Gutierrez says. “And she's like, ‘Oh, yeah, let’s write it in the script.’ And I got to write a couple lines in Spanish, which is really cool. [Jamie] could have been this mould of a cool, likeable jock. And then he ended up being this very nuanced human being, which is awesome.”

Though he is learning to appreciate all parts of his heritage, Gutierrez hasn’t always embraced his identity. “I remember feeling like I might have been not American enough for America, and not Mexican enough for Mexico,” he says. “And I remember having a bit of time in which I had an accent in both languages. Even my name — in Mexico I always went by ‘Froylan’, which is my full name. And then in the U.S., I went by Froy, because I thought it would be easier for other people to say.”

He continues: “I identify as Latino, but I”m also very wary of auditioning for Latino roles because I’m aware I don’t look like a typical Latino person. I don’t want to be someone that you can just sub in for that role, when I’m really white and blonde. And so whenever I do get a role like this, one where he’s not written to be any particular direction and we’re able to collaborate, I’m able to inject some of myself in there. So it’s been really cool to embrace all sides of my history.”

But of course, as is true for Gutierrez, Jamie’s cultural background is only a small part of who he is. Cruel Summer is committed to portraying him as a nuanced character that breaks the moulds of masculinity while tackling complex inner conflict. “Living in his shoes and walking in them, a big question that came up for me was, ‘What is the difference between guilt and shame? [Jamie]’s coping mechanism was terrible and unhealthy, and caused more pain for the people around him. But at the same time, the shame that he internalized made it worse for him. One thing I really learned, is that shame is about yourself and beating yourself up. And guilt is about taking accountability and apologising, moving forward without expecting the relationship to come back. It's just about trying to heal what happened and then moving on, on the terms that the other person sets. It’s not about you, and I think that’s what the character learns throughout the show.”

[fyeah-bangtan7]

SUGA: “This is the only thing I know how to really do”

On tvN’s You Quiz on the Block, SUGA told stories from before his debut. The period of his life when he struggled with how to live off his music. SUGA and BTS have kept going and going for eight years, and now he’s on their grounds, where he can do anything he wants musically. What began with that long journey is the story of SUGA holding his head up higher and staring at the future, reaching for it.

How are you feeling after your shoulder surgery? You’re doing physical therapy in parallel with work. SUGA: I’m all right. I’m keeping up with the physical therapy, too. I had surgery last year because I wanted to be able to go back to work sooner. I have nothing else to do except music.

You said that there’s nothing for you to do other than music in the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, too. SUGA: It’s true. I tried gaming, but I have no talent for it. The people I play with online get so frustrated if I do. I mean, I’m working hard and got some recognition in my life, and yet people bash me so hard in games. (laughs)

I wonder if there’s a game you can do better in than you do in your career. You’re currently at your sixth week at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 [with “Butter, at the time of this interview]. (laughs) How are you feeling these days? SUGA: When we were at number one for two weeks straight, I was like, Wow, this is so amazing! But after the fifth or sixth week, we really started to talk about it between ourselves: I really can’t believe this. Anyway, I feel like I have a responsibility. And I think I’ll end up thinking much, much more when we get ready for the next promotion. Even if I just try to enjoy this situation, it hasn’t sunk in. We can’t leave the country, plus there’s lots of issues in the world right now that are much more important than how well we perform on the charts.

As you say, it’s a tough situation, all over the world. How do you feel about releasing “Permission to Dance,” with its positive message, at this point in time? SUGA: It seems like everyone around the world is really tired of this situation dragging out. I wanted to convey a message that tells people to keep hanging on to hope until the very end. Whereas we released the album BE in this situation, seemingly without any certainty, I believe things will slowly get better now. I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but I’m still working with the hope that we can return to a situation that resembles what we had before.

Aren’t you tired of the pandemic being in this prolonged state? SUGA: I look at it as, when you lose one thing, you gain another. I ended up being able to see my family more since I’m in Korea. In that sense, I feel more stable, so I’m not so much tired as hoping each day that things will become okay soon. I keep moving back and forth between work and home, and I’ve started to reflect on parts of myself I didn’t know about before. Like that I feel somewhat comfortable when I start and finish work at a certain time. While I used to have to go to bed at a certain time for work the next day or else I had a hard time getting up early, now I know I’ve figured out what time I should wake up at to make sure I feel good all day. What I pursue in life is emotional stability, and I don’t think there’s really anything too exciting or sad happening these days.

What effect do those emotions have when you work on music? SUGA: They don’t have a big effect on it. I think it affects the way I write lyrics a bit, but I’m not working on any lyrics at the moment. I’ve been making music for a long time, so I think it’s possible for me to express emotions I’m not feeling in the moment. And it’s good that we released “Permission to Dance” in this kind of situation.

You sing rather than rap in “Permission to Dance.” In addition to rapping, you started singing more both before and after BE. What did you learn about your voice? SUGA: “Permission to Dance” was a little bit difficult. I don’t draw a line between singing and rapping or anything, but it was different from our usual style, and the vocals were a bit high, too. So even though it took a while to prepare for it, I worked hard, and even when I asked some older musicians for their opinions, they all said, “It’s good the way you’re doing it. Don’t try to sing better—just sing more.” I think my only option is to sing more, like they suggested.

As far as style goes, you’ve been doing a smoother kind of pop music. Did any differences arise as a result of these changes? SUGA: All things considered, the English was the hardest part. I paid close attention to my pronunciation in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” It wasn’t easy to capture that smooth feeling in the songs, so I practiced my pronunciation quite a bit. And I end up breathing a lot when I’m doing an English song, but the rap parts were a bit hard for that reason. There’s a clear difference from Korean songs, since English has so many syllables. But I don’t have any one method I stick with for my vocals yet, so I tend to try lots of different things out.

What do you make of BTS’s achievements over the past year with “Permission to Dance” and “Butter,” as well as the group’s change in style? In the space of a year, you’ve released songs in a style different from MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 or BE. SUGA: As a producer, I think reactions are important to an artist who works within the field of popular music. With that in mind, speaking as a producer, “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” were the best choices. And musical tastes are different from country to country, and the cultures are different, too. Given that situation, I think it’s important that we’re a group who can send such a universal message out into the world.

BTS has really grown and changed a lot, starting with “No More Dream” and all the way to “Permission to Dance.” SUGA: I think it’s a natural course of event for those of us who make pop music. Artists mix and match different genres as they grow, and the music develops as the people of its time listen to it. I’ve been listening to a ton of music lately, and thanks to the times we live in, if I listen to a song a few times, they recommend me more songs in a similar style. And after listening to them, I realized the style of hip hop is also changing and is splitting off into different offshoots. Other than hip hop, I also listen to a lot of instrumental music. I’ve always liked Hans Zimmer’s music. There have been many times where a movie I like turns out to have music by Hans Zimmer.

What is it about Hans Zimmer’s music that draws you in? SUGA: I like orchestral music. There’s a lot of pop songs that are under the three-minute mark now, and whereas it’s sort of predetermined that they’re always written with intros that are four bars long, orchestral music can do a lot within its framework.

But, as can be seen in IU’s song “eight,” which you both produced and featured on, you broke out of pop music’s typical composition style and tried out a highly condensed progression. The composition of the chorus is very straightforward. SUGA: Yes. I insisted that the flow be roughly cut in half from that of a typical song, and I expect more pop music will be like that in the future. And maybe even shorter as time goes on. I mean, these days there’s songs that are under two minutes, even.

Regardless, I felt the chorus in “eight” is extremely dramatic with its structure and the melody of the chorus. I thought it was rather grand in scale as well. Would you say that you’re attempting to mix your tastes and things you want to do into the structure of pop music? SUGA: As you know, I love hip hop, so when I was first making music I thought it had to be hip hop no matter what and that I had to take pride in my own ideas and not accept any compromise. But while getting some experience at the forefront of pop music, I figured out that you can keep being stubborn or inflexible because there are people listening to you. There was a time I made music without any listeners before I became a member of BTS. But if someone were to ask if I stopped being stubborn about the music I’m making these days, the answer’s no. As I grew up and became an adult, I came to realize that I have to negotiate between what I want to do and the kind of music the public wants without compromising anything. When I give up on something I wanted to do, I ask myself, What will I get out of this? And conversely, when I want to do something, I ask myself, What can I get out of this? That’s how I keep my balance to make it to where I am now.

You have no choice but to think about those things when you work on other artists’ songs, especially when you’re a producer. SUGA: I’m BTS’s SUGA, and I’m Agust D, and when I’m producing, I go by “by SUGA.” But when it comes to by SUGA, I make perfectly commercial music. I’m the producer for those songs, sure, but the owner is someone else, you know? In that case, they’re commissioning my work. But they wouldn’t think about just leaving it all with SUGA. The artist’s label has to think carefully about whether to commission me for producing and consider my situation, too, and those people must be hoping for something commercial. That’s the most important part of working with outside people. Actually, that kind of work isn’t much of a benefit to me, to be honest. Oh, he can write this kind of song, too. That’s all. The more valuable thing I can get from it is the recognition and records the artist or the company will get with the song instead.

As you noted in your previous Weverse Magazine interview, when you discussed your “interest in the music industry in the US,” you seem to constantly think about the things artists can do within the framework of the music industry. SUGA: I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve become more certain since the pandemic started that I’m the kind of person who always has to be doing music. That much I know for sure, so I want to keep on making good music. And the pop music market is something that came about because there were people listening, and there’s a long history to the US music market, and it possesses the most influential charts in the whole word. So then I thought, Wouldn’t they have gone through all the same things that we have? And really, whenever I talk to other pop stars, the situation is always similar. The US is also more realistic about commercial results than any other country. I wanted an accurate picture of how those people work. Right now, Korean pop music’s spread is in full swing and we need more good artists to keep popping up. From a producer’s standpoint, if that’s going to happen, I think the key is how well we can mix our music and the characteristics of overseas music industries overall.

How did it feel to be in the lineup for the Grammy Awards, one of the icons of the US music industry? SUGA: The feeling was less immediate because we couldn’t be there in person, and it wasn’t a huge distinction, but the performance made me think, This is different, because it’s the Grammys. What changed my view from the first time I went to an American music awards ceremony was, the first time I went, I was really scared of the world’s biggest music market. But when I look back now, I don’t think I had any reason to feel that intimidated. To be honest, I have only now begun to enjoy the awards ceremonies; I wasn’t able to then.

It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ve achieved most of the things that you can as an artist in the music industry. What steps do you think are necessary for the artists who follow after BTS? SUGA: The way artists work seems so difficult. They make an appearance on a different music show every day once the promotional period begins, meaning the exhaustion artists face is enormous, and that fatigue often results in injuries as it adds up. That kind of music show is for promotional purposes, so it’s not like the artists can earn a proper income from them. On top of that, despite all the promoting, there’s no visible outcome, so they inevitably lose morale. If possible, it’d be nice to have one of the performances be really high-quality, even if it’s just the one, but in this environment I’d say that’s pretty difficult. And since our job doesn’t fit the common conception of work, there’s ambiguous boundaries when it comes to issues of legal protection as well. We need a lot of improvements to be made to the industry and its system.

They demand a lot of things as collateral for success, yet success is extremely difficult to attain. SUGA: The great thing about the label I’m with is they listen to the artists’ opinions. I think both we and the label know to a certain degree what kinds of activities would be best commercially speaking. But the question is whether the body can endure it or not. If the fatigue builds up as you continuously do those promotional activities, it’s hard to do them the way you did when you first debuted. In that case, I think the label ought to actively accommodate the artist’s views about what they can and cannot do. An attitude that’s just like, Oh, we made you kids, and as long as you just do what we tell you to it’ll all work out, so just do it—I think that really doesn’t make any sense. Of course, there could still be situations where the label has to be pushy like that, obviously. But I heard there’s been times where a label will just say, Do it, without any explanation to the artist, or, Why are you talking so much? I think that’s the biggest issue and it’s destroying the industry. If you just see the artist as a product, how can they do anything creative? I really think it’s very contradictory to ask the people on stage to put on an enjoyable performance when they’re experiencing neither fun nor enjoyment.

That reminds me of the music video for “Daechwita” somehow. You appear onscreen as both a rebel character and a king, looking as different as your situation when you first debuted with BTS and your situation now. SUGA: There was a lot I wanted to do in “Daechwita,” not just musically but also visually, and a lot of ideas came to me as I came to reflect on who I am as a person while working on the music video. It naturally occurred to me to separate SUGA, by SUGA and Agust D. The character I played in that video who wasn’t the king was a stranger. It takes place during the Joseon era, but then there’s cars and guns, which of course don’t belong in that era. I think we’ve been living our lives that way. Right from our debut, a portion of the hip hop lovers criticized us by saying, They’re idols. But at the same time, we heard things like, They’re not idols. I didn’t know which drumbeat to march to, so I think that’s why each of our albums took a different direction than people were expecting. But I don’t think I can call myself a stranger in this situation anymore. So these days my main goal is to keep going with BTS for a long time. Having a huge audience show up at our concerts is nice, but I think the goal for all of us is to make sure the group can keep making music even as we get older. I think right now we’re thinking a lot about how we can have fun and be happy on stage.

What do you mean when you say fun and happy music? SUGA: I think people are happier the busier I am, so lately I’ve been thinking that I need to focus a little more. I figure we should do as much as we can for ARMY since they feel happy watching us. We’ll continue to try our best, so I hope they believe in BTS and keep their eyes on us.

So that’s why you do music. SUGA: This is the only thing I know how to really do. Other than music and BTS, there’s nothing special about me when I look at this 28-year-old Min Yoongi. That’s why I want to keep doing this.

© source

[jpegjade]

Physical Therapy - Ch. 1 (Spencer)

WELCOME TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!! in honor of this bish starting physical therapy in real life (and missing it bc i can’t drive and my mom and i’s schedules not being synched on google calendar all the time) i’ve decided to write a fic about it. it will be a little series with a goal (yes, an end game) and it’ll be cute. some of it is based on actual things that happen and some is literally just the story. ENJOY.

gender: neutral

tw: nothing that i can think of

genre: fluff | angst

Description: After getting shot in the leg, spencer goes through physical therapy before he can get back in the field completely. What happens when he starts to fall for his physical therapy assistant? 

__________________

Two honks at 6am meant that it was time for Spencer to get going. Derek was downstairs, in the car, waiting on boy wonder to crutch his way out of the apartment complex. Derek wasn’t sure how to feel about this trip considering he missed his early morning run for this but he knew how nervous Spencer was for his evaluation today so he didn’t mind as much as he could have minded. 

Spencer was patiently waiting in a pair of very short shorts, mismatched socks, and running shoes. He threw on a t-shirt and looked in the mirror, noting how tired he looked. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately for some reason but he couldn’t be sure why. He combed out his hair one more time before he and his crutches headed to the elevators. 

“Ready, kid?” Derek said, opening the front door for Spencer like a world class chauffeur would if Spencer was a celebrity. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Spencer mumbled.

In truth, Spencer was more than ready to get started on his physical therapy journey. He wanted to get back in the field full time, adrenaline pumping, connecting with victims, walking again. He didn’t mind the assisted mobility but it was hard for him to know that the best he could do sometimes was stay back in the office or hang out in Garcia’s batcave. 

The car ride was filled with a comfortable silence between the two men. Derek was thinking about how he could make up his missed morning run by doing another type of high cardio workout while Spencer was just trying to figure out why it had to be him. He wouldn’t wish the frustration of his recovery process on anyone else on the team but the frustration of the recovery process just got to him on some days. Today was one of those days. 

Derek pulled up to the physical therapy clinic sooner than Spencer hoped. Part of that was because Derek was a very fast driver while the other part was because Spencer wasn’t paying attention for most of the drive. 

“You owe me one.” Derek said, completely joking. Well… Partially. That morning run was what kept him awake during the day, energizing him for work. 

“Do you want to come in?” Spencer said, looking down at his hands in his lap. 

Spencer’s hands were tapping his leg as he awaited Derek’s answer. He was nothing short of a nervous wreck on the inside. All he could think about was how much pain he would be in once the evaluation was over and the physical therapist had finished poking and prodding at his knee. He hated to think that it would be worse than everything else going on. Plus he still had to go to work today. 

“Sure, kid.” Derek said. 

Derek wasn’t going to sit in the car and do nothing the whole time so he might as well support his friend. 

Climbing out of the car, the boys slowly made it to the sliding glass doors of the physical therapy clinic. Much to Spencer’s surprise, it was nothing like he originally imagined it to be. Some part of him thought it would somewhat resemble the clinic where his mother resided but it was completely different. There were floor to ceiling walls for over half of the first floor building. High tech equipment was stationed everywhere from anti gravity treadmills to hand bike motors, medicine balls and so much more. Spencer stood in the doorway, leaning on his crutches, while he took everything in. There was so much light in the air, it was almost like the feeling of recovery was airy and not meant to bog him down. This was a strange feeling for him to comprehend...

“You coming, pretty boy?” Derek called, taking a break from chatting with the pretty receptionist. 

Spencer and his crutches walked over to the front desk and grabbed the paperwork that covered how much pain he was in today. He filled it out quickly, hoping to get everything over with sooner than later. He was already here so he might as well just finish everything quickly so he could get out of the place. 

When he finished writing everything down, he returned the paperwork to the receptionist who slipped him a piece of paper and pointed to Derek. Spencer already knew it was the receptionist’s personal phone number and he didn’t even need to look at the paper. Sitting down, Spencer handed Derek to a very confused Derek before it hit him what it was. Derek winked at the receptionist, who blushed before answering the phone. 

“Spencer?” A voice called his name shortly after he sat down. 

It was nice to know that here, he didn’t have to be a doctor. He was just another person healing. He didn’t have to be smart, he could just exist. 

“Good luck.” Derek said, noticing that Spencer’s hand was shaking in the slightest bit. 

“My name is Nora and I will be your lead physical therapist.” The woman said, walking Spencer to a vacant padded table. It reminded Spencer of the types of tables you lay on when you get a massage. 

He only got a massage once when Garcia got stood up on a couples’ massage date. He spent half of his part of the massage giving the masseuse facts about how their job could actually give them an infection from the amount of germs in the air and on the table. His delivery of facts caused the room to be incredibly uncomfortable and bleach the table very thoroughly. By the time he and the masseuse finished, only 5 minutes were left in the massage and Garcia was left horrified and amused at the same time. 

“Don’t worry. We bleach the tables every time someone finishes a session.” Nora said, noticing the look on Spencer’s face. Spencer visibly relaxed and sat on the table. 

“So, Spencer, tell me a little bit about yourself.” Nora followed up, pulling up a backless roller chair. 

“Well, I was on a case and the unsub, unknown subject, shot at a dad but it ended up hitting me in the leg instead and…” Spencer paused, looking at Nora’s amused face. 

“No, I mean tell me about you. Your hobbies, what you do for fun, things like that. I need to do a complete profile for you so I know how your quality of life has been affected and which exercises you can do at home so we aren’t pushing too fast.” Nora smiled at Spencer. 

“I work.” Spencer said in a matter-of-fact tone. He didn’t really have anything else to say. 

“Okay. So you’re a workaholic.” Nora wrote. She was about to ask a new question when you came quickly walking to Nora. 

Spencer was left dumbfounded. There seemed to be a halo of light radiating around you, making you glow. He knew it was the sun finally rising but his brain short circuited as he continued to gaze at you. 

“Hey Nora?” You said, looking down at your boss. “Mrs. Gillespi wants to know why you haven’t come back to check her form. She doesn’t trust me because, her words here, I ‘look like a child who doesn’t know their left foot from the color orange.’” 

“Sure. Here, you can take over Spencer’s evaluation.” She handed you her clipboard.

You looked at the detailed notes on the paper and then up at Spencer, who looked like one of the youngest people here. 

“It’s not often we get cute guys in this place. Other than Kyle. But Kyle’s an asshole who could almost be my dad.” You blurted, not realizing you said it outloud as soon as Nora left. 

You noticed that he started blushing and looking at his converse and you realized that you said something. You usually spoke your thoughts out loud but the people you worked with were used to it so no one bothered to say anything.

“What?” You asked, confused. 

“You called me cute.” Spencer said. “Which is fine. I don’t understand the appeal but I do believe that your blurting of what you perceive as a fact is a coping mechanism. It can also be tied to ADHD, which is a common mental disorder that causes your brain to impulsively say things.” Spencer paused, looking at your face. 

“What?” You asked, again, confused. 

“I’m not saying you have ADHD. I’m a doctor but not that kind of doctor. Although I could get another Ph. D. Prove my father wrong. And…” Spencer realized he was rambling. 

“Cute and a talker.” You said, writing that down. 

You wrote something down on the paper that Spencer couldn’t see but he was curious about. 

“Let’s check out that leg.” You said, pulling out an instrument that looked like a compass. 

You asked Spencer to move his knee certain ways and it wasn’t as bad as Spencer thought. You were gentle, soft even. Your hands were delicate and you ended the session massaging his leg and smiling at him. 

“You were a good patient today, doctor Spencer.” You said, smiling at him. 

Spencer blushed, unable to meet your eyes. 

“You… I mean… I enjoyed our session.” Spencer said. “Which I don’t normally enjoy. Not that I’ve been shot before. Or had physical therapy. Or been here. Or even worked out really.”

“You’re funny, doc.” You smiled. “Your next appointment is Tuesday of next week according to the schedule so I guess I’ll see you then. I can’t wait.” 

Spencer stared at you as he wondered why you were so excited. 

“Why?” Spencer asked. 

“It’s not every day I get the case for a cute guy who is smart and awkward. It’s almost like the heavens have answered my hopes and prayers.” You joked, looking up at the ceiling and putting your hand on your heart. 

“I believe in science.” Spencer stated, grabbing his crutches. 

“A man of science. Does it get any better? What’s your star sign?” You joked. 

“Scorpio.” Spencer stated. 

“Oop. All the scorpios I know have been some hoes. You better not be a hoe, doc.” 

“I’m definitely not a gardening tool, if that’s what you’re referring to. Otherwise, I’d like to thing my lack of dating skills doesn’t qualify as being a… hoe? Although, I don’t believe in the use of the word to describe someone who enjoys spending time with multiple people. I’d like to think the use of the word is meant in jest and fun for a term of endearment.” Spencer stood up, balancing on his crutches. 

“I’ll be the judge of that.” You said, walking slowly with Spencer to the front desk. 

“What’s your name?” Spencer asked, turning to you. He realized that he never got your name.

“Y/n.” You smiled. 

The clouds must have parted again because as soon as you turned to walk away from him, towards Nora, you were covered in another halo. And just like that, you were gone again.

_____________________

Future tag list: 

@ellvswriting @sageandberries-png @l0ve-0f-my-life @rexorangecouny @kennedywxlsh

Want to be added? Tell me!

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ five

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 3.9K ➻ Rating: pg-15 now/M later ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒

mists of celeste act one part five

​

“Lieutenant. Nice of you to join us,” Yunho greets as he steps around the foot of the bed. You instinctively pull yourself up and sit up straighter. “Captain. You as well.”

“Let’s just get to business, Yunho.” Hongjoong steps out from behind the lieutenant’s back, dark eyes boring into you. “I want to get this over with.”

“O-Of course, Captain,” Yunho stammers. He moves around the bed to stand across from Hongjoong. “She has been making a quick recovery over the past couple of days. I expect a full recovery by the end of the week if not sooner. Vitals are all steady and manageable despite a lowered heart rate; however, she says that she’s not feeling any adverse effects from it.”

“Hm…” Hongjoong hums and glances past Yunho to look you in the eye. “I don’t think you’ve had the pleasure of formally meeting me. Captain Kim Hongjoong of The Horizon. This is my lieutenant, Park Seonghwa. Of course, you may know us by other names seeing as you are military – or former military, was it?” Hongjoong pauses, the silence giving you an opportunity to respond, but you opt not to and instead stare back at the captain with blank eyes. “Scourge of the Black Sea and the Lieutenant of Death. And you, Miss L/N – the Ghost of Eros. Such a distinguished group of criminals all gathered in one place. I should’ve known you were much more than a petty soldier considering that you’ve got a mean right hook. You knocked Seonghwa on his ass so handily I thought he was going to die of shame.”

There is a lilt of humor to Hongjoong’s tone and only a sliver of vehemence and anger. The man’s presence alone is intimidation at its finest yet the mellifluous voice harbors none of that same intimidation. It’s a strange game he’s playing – dancing between cruelty and a carefree attitude – and you can’t figure out what his true intentions are.

“You don’t seem upset by the fact that I put your lieutenant on his ass,” you say, voice coming out surprisingly steady and even compared to how you’re feeling at the moment.

“Me? Upset? Of course not. It’s not my job as a captain to be upset for my crew. If he’s upset about it then that’s his problem. It only becomes mine when he fails to separate those feelings from doing his job properly. So, Lieutenant, are you upset?”

“No, not in the slightest,” Seonghwa answers, eyelids falling shut as he grins at you again. “More embarrassed than anything, getting my ass handed to me by a person who was injured.”

“Not because I’m a girl?” You inquire and dip your chin down a little bit.

“Not even close. It’s not about your gender – never was frankly – solely because you were injured in your obviously dominant arm.” Seonghwa folds his arms over his chest, seeming to puff it out a little as he matches your stare with an equally firey one of his own. Despite admitting weakness, he exudes confidence and power. It hits you at that moment. The strange aura surrounding each member of Hongjoong’s crew, and including the captain himself, makes sense as the puzzle pieces slip together in your mind.

These are criminals of the highest degree, men with extensive records and crimes that would take days to write down, and for some reason, that fact did not sink in sooner. Yes, you’ve had many an encounter with criminals. This should be nothing new for you but these men are far different than the petty criminals you had to deal with when part of the military. Even though you are considered to be one of them, a criminal on the same level as them, someone just as evil and cruel and merciless, you don't feel that way. A surge of fear courses through your body. Any one of these men could end your life in an instant with zero remorse or care. 

“What d-do you plan to–to do with me?” You direct the question at Hongjoong although it’s a struggle to drag your eyes off of the pretty lieutenant.

Another hum leaves the captain’s lips, and he looks away from you to stare at the ceiling for a moment. “Part of me wants to drop you out an airlock for attacking my lieutenant, sneaking aboard my ship, and stealing from my cargo hold. However, that is not what I’m going to do. I am merciless, yes, but I could drag your pain so much longer if I really wanted to. So give me a reason not to do that first.”

“Captain…” Seonghwa cuts in, reaching around Hongjoong to block his line of sight. “That isn’t the best idea. There is no point in torturing her if she can be useful.”

“Oh, so knocking you out counts as being useful nowadays?”

“Logic, Hongjoong. Think logically rather than emotionally. There are benefits to keeping her alive and well, especially considering who she is. Ghost of Eros isn’t a name thrown around lightly these days.”

“Yet there are also detriments to keeping her here.”

“If it’s space you’re worried about, we have more than enough of it. Plenty of empty rooms. She can stay in the med bay until she fully recovers then move into one of the empty rooms, no?” Seonghwa glances over to Yunho, who nods along with the words with fervor.

“Absolutely,” he says in a clear tone. “She should be ready to go any day now, and if we move her into one of the empty rooms, I can run post-operation checkups there rather than here.”

“You could also run those checkups from the brig. We have plenty of space down there as well,” Hongjoong argues, pushing Seonghwa’s extended arm out of the way.

“Be smart, Captain.”

“What are you insinuating, Lieutenant?”

“That you are thinking with your heart and not your head!” Seonghwa protests, voice climbing in volume. He steps around Hongjoong to face him head-on. “We have the space, and more than enough of it, so there is no point in putting her in the brig.”

“She is nothing more than a stowaway. That is reason enough, no?”

“No, because you never put Jongho in the brig for being a stowaway.”

“Jongho was useful, and he was barely a stowaway when I knew he was aboard the ship from the second we left that planet.”

“How do you know she can’t be useful as well? Hongjoong, at least give her a chance to be useful and carry her own weight until the next stop. You can dump her there if you don’t want her then.” The phrasing of Seonghwa’s words brings a scowl to your lips.

“Excuse me,” you intervene, climbing to your feet with shaky legs. “I am not an object or a piece of property that can be “dumped”!” Seonghwa shifts to look back at you.

“I’m sorry. I… That wasn’t what I meant to say,” he tries, the remorse evident in his furrowed brows. You return the apology with a half-hearted glare.

“In order to be useful aboard my ship, she needs to be able to shoot a gun,” Hongjoong cuts in and effectively redirects all attention back to him. “According to Yunho, that may not be a possibility anymore.”

“Wh–What?” You ask. Eyes find Yunho’s, and the second you make eye contact he glances away from you rather than facing you. “What the fuck?”

“Oh, you didn’t even tell her?” Hongjoong laughs. “Nerve damage.”

“Nerve damage?” You echo, a tremor rising through your body. Your legs fail to support you any longer, and you fall back to the bed.

“It’s not bad–”

“Not bad? Not bad compared to what?”

“It isn’t debilitating.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner? Seeing as oh yea, it’s my fucking arm!” Yunho winces at the scathing rage in your tone.

“I wasn’t sure about the extent of the damage. Sometimes injuries like yours show nerve recovery over time. I needed to see if that was the case with you. There was – I didn’t want to tell you out of fear of upsetting you without knowing for certain what’s wrong.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you can still pull a trigger,” Hongjoong comments.

“But not aim a pistol as well as I used to,” you finish his train of thought, and he nods in affirmation.

“I don’t know if this will help but... we can correct some things through physical therapy and strengthening. Regain the ease you had with aiming,” Yunho offers, a sympathetic smile playing at his lips.

“But… I thought she didn’t need a fully functioning arm?” Seonghwa inquires, eyes finding Hongjoong.

“Huh?”

“To aim a sniper. You don’t need a fully functioning arm,” he elaborates for you. Your eyes fall into a sharp glare.

“What do you mean by that?”

“It means I know who you are. Ghost of Eros isn’t your only nickname. It only took one search in a military database to see who you are. Y/N L/N, wanted military traitor formerly of the operations assassinations and peace control units. Highly dangerous sniper. Wanted for theft of military property, desertion, capital betrayal, larceny, arson, evasion of arrest, the list goes on. Oh, and putting a bullet in the head of the King of Eros.”

Having someone list off your crimes is not as appealing as it would seem, and your shoulders fall further with each crime listed until Seonghwa mentions the last thing. It has you sitting up straight again, staring him down with such intensity that he actually seems surprised.

“It’s a hefty bounty on your head,” he continues in a much lower tone. “But an even heftier asset.”

Hongjoong releases a huff. “I have to agree with him on that, even though I don’t particularly want to. And yet I can’t help but wonder what drives a person to desertion?”

You refuse to answer the question. Instead, you press your teeth together, clenching your jaw and opting to remain silent in the face of the notorious captain.

“Putting a bullet in the head of a king is a pretty good reason. But that still begs the question: why put the bullet there in the first place?” Your chin dips closer to your chest as Hongjoong drives the metaphorical knife deeper into your chest. “I’ve put many a bullet in people’s heads; however, I’ve never had the luxury of doing it to a king. I have to say it’s quite interesting that you would murder someone like that.”

“It wasn’t murder,” you spit out. Your eyes find Hongjoong’s, and you find a taunting gleam in them. Perhaps this is what he wants – to drive you to a breaking point and see you lash out, and if he continues on like this then you won’t be able to resist the urge.

“Oh? Were you paid to do it then?”

You ball your fists around the sheets beneath you rather than responding. Your only answer is the continued glare you send his way.

“Stop it.” It’s Yunho’s voice that cuts in and bleeds through the mounting tensions between you and Hongjoong. “Stop, Hongjoong. She obviously doesn't want to talk about it. You don’t need to keep pushing it.”

“Stand down, Yunho. Are you the captain?”

“No, but–”

“No. You are not the captain and as such, you cannot tell me what to do. If I am even going to consider making her part of my crew, then I need to know her intentions.”

“I’m not going to kill any of you, if that’s what you mean.”

“How can I be sure of that, Miss L/N? Give me solid proof that you are a gentle and merciful soul. From what I can tell, there is none.”

“I am merely doing the same thing you and your whole crew are: just trying to fucking survive.”

“And what about when survival means killing someone? What would keep you from killing someone in my crew to survive?”

“Forgive me in advance for asking the same question of you. What would keep you from killing me when it comes to survival?” A huff escapes your lips, eyes stabbing daggers into Hongjoong’s form, and you extend the arm with the IV sticking out. “Take the IV out. If he wants me to shoot, then I’ll do just that.”

Both Seonghwa and Yunho whip their heads in your direction, Seonghwa’s eyes nearly bulging from his head. Yunho opens his mouth to retort but you still him by redirecting your glare to him. He moves towards you and slowly untwists the IV, leaving the catheter in place. Before stepping back though, he folds his fingers around your forearm and leans close to your ear.

“Seonghwa’s holster is on his right leg,” he whispers against the shell of your ear. The tall man leans back before Hongjoong or Seonghwa can comment on his odd behavior, and you barely process their expressions because your gaze moves for the gun lingering on Seonghwa’s right leg. You get to your feet with a fake sense of weakness.

In a split second, you dart for Seonghwa’s gun and jab the flat of your left hand against the back of his knee. Your right snatches the pistol from his holster with little trouble as Seonghwa is crumpling to the ground. You spin around while he falls, the barrel of the pistol finding a new home between Hongjoong’s eyes. He doesn’t flinch, nor does he move. His expression remains blank and unfocused. Seonghwa recovers, jumping up at exclaiming at the sight before him. Hongjoong lifts a hand and places it against Seonghwa’s chest.

“Stand down, Hwa.” Seonghwa listens to his captain albeit with great reluctance, and you try to steady your hand.

As silence overtakes the room again, the faint sound of the gun rattling against your quivering hand rises. It isn’t that you are afraid of firing the gun; you have shot a man just like this time and time again. You physically cannot get your arm to still. It’s twitching and shaking against your will, and no matter how much you focus, it doesn’t stop.

“Would you really fire the gun?” Hongjoong asks with his steely cold tone.

“In an instant,” comes your scathing response. “But that’s not what you want from me.”

“Hongjoong…” Seonghwa mutters. Out the corner of your eye, you can see his antsy moments, bouncing his weight from one foot to the other and ready to jump you for pointing a gun at his captain.

“What is it I want then?”

You blink, and Hongjoong is gone from sight. The gun clatters against the ground, pain spreads across your wrist, but it is nothing in comparison to the pain that sears through your whole arm a moment later. Hongjoong appears in your vision, standing beside you with his hand clenched around your bicep, directly over your recovering wound. A sadistic smile creeps across his features. Fingers dig into the bandage and push past the fabric to stab a finger into the hole covered by stitches. A loud cry of pain leaves your body. White blinds your vision, your legs give out under you, and Hongjoong holds you up with his tightening grip on your arm.

“Stop!” Yunho cries out, attempting to step between you and Hongjoong. “Fucking stop, Hongjoong! You’re hurting her!”

“Listen to me,” Hongjoong hisses. He yanks your arm, finger still pushed in your wound. A weak sob falls from your lips next. “Stupid ideas like that are the last thing I want.” His grip leaves your arm, but the pain doesn’t. It lingers, burns, seeps through your limb so much that you can barely think straight. His foot darts out and kicks Seonghwa’s gun in the man’s direction. “You can stay for the time being. However, the second I decide that you aren’t worth my trouble anymore, I will dump you either in space or on whatever planet is nearby. It’s your choice. I suggest you choose wisely next time.” Hongjoong stands up straight, face leaving your line of sight, and you watch his back retreat as he strides out the door, dark brown cloak billowing around him as he moves.

“Oh my god,” Yunho mutters. He is by your side in an instant, one hand finding purchase on your waist, and the other gently holds your arm. “Oh my fucking god. I can’t believe he did that.” He helps you back onto the bed then sits down beside you to pull the now bloodied bandage away from your skin.

“Are you okay?” The question comes from Seonghwa, but you can’t focus on him due to the pain in your system.

“He did a fucking number on my stitches.” Yunho sighs and gets up from the bed. “I’m gonna grab and needle and some thread, I’ll try my best to fix it quick. I will need to sterilize again as well as use some numbing ointment to just help with the pain.”

“It-it's okay,” you murmur, words slurring together. Seonghwa comes closer to the bed. He sits down beside you, careful not to touch you. When you feel the dip of the mattress, you tilt your head in his direction and blink at him in confusion. A smile decorates his lips, one that isn’t cynical or cruel, just one filled with sympathy.

“I’m sorry about your arm.”

“It’s fine. Not your fault anyways.”

“Yes, but I’m sorry for his actions. He’s too rash and thinks too much with his heart.”

“Oh, so he has one?” You joke. Your senses are slowly returning to you, words becoming more clear with each one spoken, and your vision is growing less fuzzy by the second.

“Surprisingly, yes.” Seonghwa chuckles, the sound as pretty as his face. “By the way… I have no hard feelings about the near concussion you gave me.”

“How nice of you.”

“Were I in your position, I would’ve done the same. If not worse. Especially seeing as you were wearing a military uniform. I was planning on killing you then and there before I felt the brand on your arm.”

“That damn brand seems to be a hot topic among you all.”

“You have to understand: it’s not every day we meet someone of your fame and caliber.” Seonghwa’s lips curl as he speaks. “Once Yunho redresses your arm, I can take you to your new quarters. They’re all ready for you.”

“What do you mean? How can they be ready already? Didn’t he just make the decision now?”

“Well, no. Apparently, he decided a while ago on his own accord. Hongjoong isn’t one for spur of the moment decisions. He takes a lot of time to decide on things, so I know for certain that he thought about whether you would stay or go for a long while. Thus, he most definitely decided prior to today.”

Yunho returns to the bed, medical supplies in hand along with another bottle of vodka.

“I, uh, I don’t have the belt this time so you may just want to grin and bear it. I would say bite down on a finger but you might take it clean off.” Delicate fingers find your left wrist, curling around them, and you glance over at Seonghwa.

“Try to focus on me instead of Yunho. It might help take some of the pain away.”

“I highly dou–” You’re cut off by your own scream, cold liquid pouring over your skin. Twisting, you press your fingers against Seonghwa’s hand and he grips you with an equally strong hold as Yunho sterilizes your wound.

“All done, all done,” Yunho announces. The stream of cold ceases but your arm still throbs even as Yunho dabs white ointment across it. He massages it into your skin with gentle touches. Once it goes clear, he pulls back and retrieves his small needle. “You don’t need to watch this bit if you don’t want to. I know some people are afraid of needles.” Despite Yunho’s warning, you continue to keep your eyes trained on the wound and watch as he pinches your skin together. The numbing gel he put across it worked quickly; you don’t feel a thing except for a strange heavy pressure on your skin.

“It’s fascinating work,” Seonghwa mutters, leaning forward to watch Yunho work as well. The healer laughs in response.

“It’s simple stuff actually. Nothing much to it.”

“Simple to you maybe but not anyone else.”

“It’s my job after all.” Yunho shrugs, hands remaining steady on your arm. “And I’m damn good at it, so it ought to be simple to me.”

It takes less than a minute for him to remove the old stitches and attach new ones. He works so fast that you think if you had blinked you would’ve missed the whole thing entirely.

“There, all done! It’s a little irritated from being jabbed at like that, but now that I’ve got the new stitches in, it should be just fine. The numbing ointment will wear off in an hour or so. If it hurts drastically then be sure to come back and tell me. I can get you some medicine if needed.”

“Is she all good to go now then?” Seonghwa asks. He unfolds his hand from yours, and you hadn’t even realized that you were still latched onto it all this time.

“Yep! Almost mint condition. You’re welcome.” Yunho sends a wink your way, cheeks scrunching up as he smiles. “You are free from my care at last. Don’t go messing anything up now, I patched you up perfectly. I don’t want my talent to go to waste, after all. I will check up and see how my stitches are holding up later today though.”

“Aw, have you got your post-patient loneliness already?” Seonghwa asks. Yunho responds with a scoff and swings a loosely clenched fist in his direction, which Seonghwa dodges with ease.

“Do be careful though. You still aren’t as strong as I had hoped you’d be. Walking too much will most likely make you lightheaded and woozy. Seonghwa, if she collapses, I’m blaming you.”

“Aye aye, Captain Yunho.” Seonghwa mocks the healer by bringing his hand up to his head and saluting him. “I’ll keep the princess on her feet.”

“Oh wow. Thanks, pretty boy. I feel oh so safe now.” You push yourself off the bed. Despite the shakiness in your legs, you step forward and trail after Seonghwa as he heads out the med bay. Before you step out of the room completely though, you hesitate in the doorframe. Yunho catches your lingering gaze as though he was expecting it. “Thank you again,” you say. The smile that comes to Yunho’s lips is neither cocky nor patronizing.

“Of course. I’m glad you made a good recovery.” He turns back to the bed where you were just seated but thinks twice about it and looks back at you. “Don’t be a stranger either. My door is always open for whatever you need.” He passes another wink your way, and the cheeky action has you choking on air. His laugh resounds in your ears as you move out of the room, shaky legs carrying you to Seonghwa’s side where he waits for you to catch up.

“Alright, follow me. If you get to feeling weak, just let me know and we can pause or I can help you along.” He pushes a loose strand of black hair from his forehead, and as the strands move you catch sight of a small emblem cut into his undercut. It disappears before you can fully examine it, however, and you have to move your gaze before Seonghwa notices your lingering stare.

“Wait–” you call out, and Seonghwa stops in his tracks. “I… I have a question for you before we go.”

✧✧✧

a/n: hello hello it’s tuesday my dudes ;) another chapter down, and most of the buildup and exposition doNE so things will be picking up in speed from here on out so yAY

taglist: @faeriewoobin​ @sugarrimajins​ @atinyinwonderland​

rather than sending me a ko-fi, i ask that you consider donating to the BLM movement!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

[bnha-venus]

Hello, may I request a bnha matchup please?

I’m a straight male , 17 going 18,5’9, INFP-T, hufflepuff, my zodiac is a cusp of taurus and gemini. I kind of look like a chubby Aizawa in a hoodie.

I daydream almost constantly, as soon as I’m bored I daydream I could go from creating a whole story in my head to thinking about death and getting depressed and vice versa. I ask weird questions to whoever will listen.

I have anxiety and get stressed easily and over the simplest things, I take medication and go to therapy. I try to hide my stress to the point I suppress my emotions , eventually I fall apart and have a breakdown when I'm alone.I'm not good with conversation whenever someone wants to talk to me I never know what to say and whenever I talk I'm interrupted or ignored, although if I get angry enough I will speak up and get sarcastic, I'm also not afraid to call out on someone's bulls**t. I'm not good at making decisions unless I'm completely sure of my choice and I'll probably feel guilty no matter what I decide. I'm also a bit of a picky eater.

I spend most of my time inside playing video games, watching cartoons,anime sitcoms, superhero shows or movies, or whatever's on Youtube, I also really like mystery shows. Although I will go outside if my friends want me to go somewhere or if I have to run errands, I can be more social with people I trust. I love music whenever I listen to music I get a burst of energy and can’t help but sing, My favorite genre is classic rock like bruce springsteen and queen. I love to cuddle and I can be clingy, if I could I would cuddle all day( I'm a little touch starved) . I'm afraid of the dark and death. I sleep with a lot of stuffed animals and plushies. I'm loyal and empathetic and I try to see the good in everyone and I’m always willing to help however I can.

If you decide to do this request I thank you for taking time out of your schedule to do this 😊.

★ 紫 |╭ �� 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡…

꒰ Himiko Toga !!! ꒱

❏ I consider Toga as someone who also gets lost in their thoughts as well. She thinks about weird things too- she understands what you’re going through and she doesn’t consider you weird or abnormal despite the questions you ask. She appreciates your questions and always has an answer for them, whether they’re vage or actually helpful. 

❏ You don’t have to worry about not being able to have the right thing to say. Toga will definitely carry the conversation if you run out of things to say. If you want to say something, she won’t speak over you- she’ll give you your space to get your thoughts out and speak your mind. She’s always there for you when you need it. She’s not controlling but if you don’t know what to say or do in a certain situation, she’ll take the lead. You really don’t have to worry when with her. She’ll find the best solution to any problem so if you don’t know what to choose and stressing out over the situation, she’ll gladly assist you.

❏ Toga really enjoys how you’re able to call someone out on their bullshit. She’s the same way and she deeply appreciates seeing someone else who’s willing to call out a fake or toxic person. 

❏ She doesn’t mind your picky eating whatsoever. People can’t help their pickiness and she gets that. 

❏ She will gladly indulge in your favorite activities with you!!! I can see her loving anime as well and her favorite parts of her day involve watching anime sitcoms with you! AND YOUR SINGING AAA. She loves hearing you sing, it relaxes her. Especially with how energetic you get--- it makes her so happy and giggly. 

❏ She loves mystery shows as well. Honestly, she loves everything you love. She thinks you’re so cool and aaa.... “Thank you for being you, Y/N!” 

❏  SHE WILL CUDDLE YOU. SO MUCH. She lives for physical affection. She will scoop you in her arms and hug you to death omg. Cuddling will take up a big portion of your everyday life with her. She lives for any contact with you… also enjoys long and meaningful conversations with you. Really, any interaction with you makes her so happy :) 

❏ You’re afraid of the dark? Okay, no problem. She’ll make sure to keep the lights on or use a lava lamp/nightlight. You’re afraid of death? She’ll reassure you every day that everything’s going to be okay. You’ll be okay.

❏ STUFFED ANIMALS. Okay listen, Toga definitely has a stuffed animal collection and sleeps with stuffed animals as well… She finds it so cute seeing you snuggle with your plushies. She does the same fjsdfi 

❏ She really values your empathy and loyalty. She’ll protect you in any situation, she’ll make sure you’re safe and feeling okay. She really likes you, a lot. Just don’t break her heart. 

[thecoleopterawithana]

Songwriting is like psychiatry

[Dear @eppysboys, your wish is my command.]

-

There are bound to be thickheads who will wonder why some of it doesn't make sense, and others who will search for hidden meanings.

'What's a Brummer?'

‘There's more to "dubb owld boot" than meets the eye.'

None of it has to make sense and if it seems funny then that's enough.

— Paul McCartney, in the Introduction to John Lennon's In His Own Write (1964).

-

When we had a party in the States to celebrate having finished the album, someone came up to us and said 'Hello, Venus. Hello, Mars.' I thought, 'Oh. no.'' When I write songs, I'm not necessarily talking about me, although psychoanalysts would say "Yes, you are, mate." But as far as I'm concerned, I'm not.

— Paul McCartney, interviewed for the promotion of Venus and Mars (1975). In Paul Gambaccini's Paul McCartney: In His Own Words (1976).

-

I don’t examine myself that way. I just am. I just go through it. I just wake in the morning and go to bed at night and whatever happens during the day just happens. I don’t really know how I am.

— Paul McCartney, in Music Express: ‘Paul McCartney Wings It Alone’ (April/May 1982).

-

I’m not a great reader into moods: I don’t naturally say that if I wrote a sad song then I was sad that day, or if I wrote a happy song I was happy. I compose songs like playwrights write a play. They don’t have to know everyone in the play, they don’t have to know anyone in the play, it’s just a product of their imagination.

— Paul McCartney, speaking of ‘Somedays’, interviewed for Club Sandwich n°82 (Summer of 1997).

-

“There are a lot of mindsets when you’re writing a song – and one of them is commercial,” he admits. “It’s like any job, where if you do a certain thing you’ll progress in that job. In songwriting it’s an unspoken thing, but I recognise it. I remember hearing somewhere that people like sad songs, so I thought, ‘OK, I’ll write a sad song.’ I knew what I was getting into…” So, in a way, you were acting when you wrote [Yesterday]? “Yes. I wrote from the point of view of someone who was sad. But when you’re taking on a part, it’s usually you you’re writing about. Your psychiatrist would say it’s you.” Later, someone suggested that lyrics such as, “Why she had to go, I don’t know” were about McCartney’s mother who’d died when he was 14. “I certainly felt that way when she died. So when I sing Yesterday now, it does make me think about my mum. It’s more personal than I realised it was.” You sense that the older he gets, perhaps the more McCartney is prone to analysing his gift.

— Paul McCartney, interviewed by Mark Blake for Q: Songs in the key of Paul (May 2015).

-

This series – I just woke up one morning and I had a germ of an idea, which is all I want really. I don’t want too formed an idea, it’s just not who I am. [...] I woke up with this thing and I thought it would be just a black canvas and these three-fingered scratches, like someone in prison and they’re either trying to get out or they’re trying to mark the dates. [...] But then a shape emerged with this blue, and I still don’t know what it is. It looks vaguely phallic, or somebody’s ass bending away from you. But that’s what started to fascinate me. It’s probably an accident, but also what I like about that is the inner content, that I have no idea what my dreams are about. I’ve no idea, yet they’re every bit as real as sitting here with you. But my interior world, I think it’s not a bad idea to try and tap it.

My view is that these things are there whether you want them or not, in your interior. You don’t call up dreams, they happen, often the exact opposite of what you want. You can be heterosexual and be having a homosexual dream and wake up, and think, “Shit, am I gay?” I like that you don’t have control over it. But there is some control – it is you dreaming, it is your mind it’s all happening in. In a way my equation would be that my computer is fully loaded by now. Maybe in younger people there’s a little bit of loading to go, but mine’s loaded pretty much, so what I try and do is allow it to print out unbeknown to me. And I’m interested to hear what it’s got in there.

I think we must be interested as musicians as often our music arrives that way. I dreamed the song Yesterday. It was just in a dream, I woke up one morning and had a melody in my head. So I have to believe in that.

— Paul McCartney, in “Luigi’s Alcove” by Karen Wright, for Modern Painters (August 2000).

-

I think a lot of these songs like 'Tell Me Why’ may have been based in real experiences or affairs John was having or arguments with Cynthia or whatever, but it never occurred to us until later to put that slant on it all.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Mile’s Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now (1997).

-

I was standing at the door and he was in bed, and we were talking about the lyrics of 'I Am the Walrus’, and I remember feeling he was a little frail at that time, maybe not going through one of the best periods in life, probably breaking up with his wife. He was going through a very fragile period. You’ve only got to look at his lyrics - 'sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come’. They were very disturbed lyrics. 

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

-

I remember giggling with John as we wrote the lines ‘What do you see when you turn out the light? I can’t tell you but I know it’s mine.’ It could have been him playing with his willie under the covers, or it could have been taken on a deeper level; this was what it meant but it was a nice way to say it, a very non-specific way to say it. I always liked that. 

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

-

"Sex is something I prefer to do, rather than sing about. Hi Hi Hi was from a period when everybody was getting stoned and having sex… I suppose singing about sex is not really in my genre. [...] It’s the same with trying to write angry songs,” he continues. “I can’t do it.” Really? “Yes. I wrote a song called Angry. Recorded it here with Phil Collins and Pete Townshend. At the time I thought, ‘Wow, we’ve really slammed this…’ I can be angry but I can’t find a natural way to put it into a song. It’s the same with sex."

— Paul McCartney, interview w/ Mark Blake for Q: Songs in the key of Paul. (May, 2015)

-

McCartney has written some of the world’s most famous love songs, but has he ever worried about revealing too much of himself? “Yes, but you’ve got to get over that feeling quickly, because that’s the game.”

— Paul McCartney, interviewed by Mark Blake for Q: Songs in the key of Paul (May 2015).

-

It’s funny because just in real life, I find that a challenge. I like to sort of, not give too much away. Like you said, I’m quite private. Why should people, know my innermost thoughts? That’s for me, their innermost. But in a song, that’s where you can do it. That’s the place to put them. You can start to reveal truths and feelings. You know, like in ‘Here Today’ where I’m saying to John “I love you”. I couldn’t have said that, really, to him. But you find, I think, that you can put these emotions and these deeper truths – and sometimes awkward truths; I was scared to say “I love you”. So that’s one of the things that I like about songs.

— Paul McCartney, on the challenge of giving too much of himself away when writing meaningful and truthful songs. Asked by Simon Pegg and interviewed by John Wilson for BBC 4’s Mastertapes (24 May 2016).

-

Songwriting is like psychiatry; you sit down and dredge up something that’s inside, bring it out front. And I just had to be real and say, John, I love you. I think being able to say things like that in songs can keep you sane.

— Paul McCartney, interview with Robert Palmer for the New York Times (25 April 1982).

-

[McCartney (1970)] was kind of… therapy through hell.

— Paul McCartney, interviewed for the Q magazine (2007).

-

GILBERT: Do you find it easier to write good records in a darker period of your life than in happier periods? You’ve lived through more than a few bad episodes…

PAUL: That’s a good question, I’m not sure. I think the answer is neither and both. I think it’s good when you’re in a dark period, the good is [the song’s] your psychiatrist, it’s your therapy, and you know we have many tales – anyone who writes has. Going away when you’re really upset about something and putting it in your song – you come out of that cupboard, toilet or basement and go, “I really feel better.” You’ve actually exorcised the demon. So it is one of the great joys of songwriting.

GILBERT: What would be an example of a song you wrote in a very angry or dark mood?

PAUL: I think the words of ‘Yesterday’, when I see them now I think there were quite a few of my songs like that, you know, bad moods made better. More recently ‘Calico Skies’ [evoking memories of Linda]; ‘Little Willow’ [for Maureen Starkey] was one I wrote about a friend when she was dying and, in fact, she did die, so those kind of things can help. With ‘Yesterday’, singing it now, I think without realising it I was singing about my mum who died five or six years previously, or whatever the timing was. Because I think now, “Why she had to go, I don’t know, she wouldn’t say, I said something wrong…” I think the psychiatrist would have a field day with that one. (Sings) “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away / Now it looks as though they’re here to say” – there’s a lot of those songs, that’s just three where I can remember going into a hiding place with a guitar, purposely to exorcise your demons. It’s like writing your dream out or something, and it’s a physical effect where you come back out and you’ve created that magic again, pulling the rabbit out of the hat. “Where did that come from? Wahey!” It’s a great feeling. 

— Paul McCartney, interview w/ Pat Gilbert for MOJO: Don’t look back in anger. (November, 2013)

-

Q: Do you have a song that you put on if you’re ever having a hard time or a bad day, and it instantly makes you feel better? 

PAUL: There’s a track [’I Don’t Know’] on Egypt Station that came out of a hard time I think would fit the bill now! […] it’s funny what inspires you to write songs. For instance, John started writing ‘Help!’during a crisis at that time in his life, which is often a good motivator ‘cause there’s a therapy aspect to writing songs sometimes - but not all songs! It’s almost as if you’re telling your guitar your troubles and a lot of composure can be found through that. So you sort of say what you might say to a therapist, but you put it into a song and you might feel better afterwards. You don’t have to be going through terrible times, just something that’s frustrating.

— Paul McCartney, in You Gave Me The Answer (28 March 2019)

-

Q: ‘I Don’t Know’ opens with the lyric, “Crows at my window, dogs at my door, I don’t think I can take it anymore.” This imagery does seem pretty bleak for a comeback. 

PAUL: Well, I was in a bleak mood. It’s a well-known fact, you talk to a lot of songwriters, that they write good songs from being in a bad mood. It can often be a really good motivating factor, because you don’t care. You can’t just go out to your friends or your relatives, and just start going, 'I’ve got crows on my window.’ You don’t necessarily want to just go and complain about everything, but you can complain to your piano, in this case, or your guitar… It’s a great therapy. 

Q: Doubt and regret [hardly] seem to be things that people associate with you.

PAUL: It’s funny, isn’t it? People think that about me, that well, when you reach my position… you end up with no problems at all. But that’s unrealistic, because you’re in life. And if like me you’ve got a big family, there’s gonna be some sort of problem, even if it’s just someone’s ill. So realistically speaking, you have to think that it’s very likely that most people you know can have problems. Even President Obama. Even John Lennon. Even Taylor Swift. We’ve all got problems, and that’s what makes us all so human.

— Paul McCartney, interview for BBC 6 (20 June 2018).

-

The idea is that what I’ll leave behind me will be music, and I may not be able to tell you everything I feel, but you’ll be able to feel it when you listen to my music. I won’t have the time or the articulation to be able to say it all, but if you enjoy composing you say it through the notes.

— Paul McCartney, regarding Ecce Cor Meum, which premiered in 2001.

-

I have to leave  And when I'm gone  I'll leave my message  In my song

-

Tangents

The Walrus | A case study for John’s struggles with meaning in song

The Surrealist | Meaning and Magritte

I Can’t Tell You How I Feel | Expressing emotions and feelings [statements in songs]

This One | A case study for Paul’s struggles with expressing feelings

I’m Scared To Say I Love You | Paul’s struggle with saying ‘I love you’

[annaswrites]

Tag Game | Meet the Writer

I was tagged by the super @silverscreenwriter . Sorry it took me ages! I’m catching up on tags today. (And hopefully soon I’ll actually work on my book...I’m in a slump in all things.)  Rules: answer the ten questions, ask ten questions, tag ten people.

1. Why did you start writing?

I’ve always written, actually. My mom is a published author (kind of a niche market, she’s LDS (aka Mormon). She writes LDS fiction, but also historical fiction that’s christian generally. In case anyone’s interested her name is Anita Stansfield. She’s also got some books published under the pseudonym, Elizabeth D. Micheals. <-- I did the cover art for the books under the pseudonym. Go to the Amazon if you’re interested. Anyway!) My mom was always (still is) writing, and I think I inherited the need to do so from her, though our styles and subject matter vary drastically. (I’m not a Mormon, for example! My books have made up gods etc.) I always had stories in my head and I remember writing even when I was VERY young. I took creative writing classes in school and have just kept on all through my whole life! 

2. What do you use as inspiration for your stories (websites, music, photos, videos, places, etc)?

All of the above. I have two playlists on spotify for my overall series, and then playlists for individual characters or pairs.  I use photos for face claims, and I do my own art of my characters. I have pinterest mood boards for them and for my worlds. And there are certain TV shows that inspire me even though they’re not the same thing? (I kind of feel like my set up is slightly unique.) But Firefly totally has a vibe to it that inspires me, so does Game of Thrones. (Yeah, I know... what? Those two shows are PRETTY DIFFERENT.) I’ve also gotten inspiration though from random places like Legend of Zelda, Pirates of the Caribbean, Doctor Who . . . they all get my creativity flowing!  Also other fantasy novels. I love reading. Especially Branderson’s Work. 

3. If your protagonist and antagonist each had a song, what would those songs be?

Well, I have 5 main protagonists... so you get them and my antagonist. 

Protags:  Roary:     Arise by Flyleaf Jolene:    Glory and Gore by Lorde Avalette:  Suddenly by Superchick AND Castle by Halsey Ja’ek:       Iron by Woodkid and Dragonborn (Skyrim Theme) by Jeremy Soule Selnam:   Soldier by Fluerie  Antags:  Nazlanga: Castle by Halsey AND Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Lorde Cover)

4. Where is your favorite place to write?

In my room at my computer. All my stuff is together here and my room is kind of my safe haven. <3 

5. What books and/or authors have influenced your writing style?

Brandon Sanderson (Stormlight Archive, Elantris), Mercedes Lackey, (lots of them), JK Rowling and a REALLY LONG LIST. I read a lot of different things by different people. 

6. Is there any specific way you deal with self doubt or writer’s block?

I normally just shove through it. I learned to just keep typing as it were as I’ve gone through NaNoWriMo a few times. Lately though I’m in a bad slump in all things as I’m putting my horse to sleep next month and I don’t know when I’ll get back to writing.  However, really, just keep typing. It might be garbage but I can work with garbage! Putting words on the page is hard, but I’ve gotten good at just doing it. I can fix it later!  As for self doubt, I haven’t dealt with a lot of that over my writing. More with my artwork. And that’s a work in progress. I’m learning to turn my thinking around and counteract negative thoughts.  THERAPY IS COOL! (seriously 10/10 would recommend.) 

7. Out of everything you have written, what work is your favorite and why?

Well, that would be Solar Kingdoms, the main original thing I’m working on. Really the only original thing I’m working on.  I wrote a lot of pirates fanfic before that and I liked them. I still RP Jack when writing with friends. But that’s different. Haha! 

8. In your current WIP, is there a character you identify with more than the others?

Avalette, which actually makes her the most difficult to write. I feel her though, if you know what I mean? 

9. What is the best writing advice you have ever been given? The worst?

Best: Write what you would want to write, write what makes you happy. 

Worst: FOLLOW ALL THE RULES TO A T. (No. Some of them are shit, let’s face it. Rules are made to be broken. If you break them properly, then you’ll have gold.) 

10. If your WIP became a movie, what actors do you see playing your main characters?

HAHAHAHA, oh man. Okay. This is hard. Because I have face claims for them but that doesn’t mean that they’d actually work as the proper person to act them. But I’ll try.  Roary - I see Simon from Firefly, only blonde. It’s the way he talks in that show and the shape of his nose. It’s so Roary. (Can you say sassy sarcasm anyone. “My sister is incorporeal possessing a spaceship. We had a rough childhood.” and “Right, I’m sorry if she tipped anyone off to your carefully concealed herd of cattle...” Omg. So Roary.) He’s probably too old now though. But someone similar to him.  Avalette - I have no idea. She’s vaguely Kate Winslet looking in my head but that’s not quite right. And Kate is too old by now. I need Kate Winslet and Kate Blanchet to have a baby that’s short and tiny. She’d have to be short and bloody brilliant. I need someone who has incredible control of their micro expressions and can exude power AND anxiousness like a pro. Possibly Emilia Clarke?  Ja’ek - I need Charles Messure, Jason Momoa and Johnny Depp to have a baby. Realistically, Jason Momoa has the look I need. But Ja’ek is shorter and Jason would need some prosthetic on his nose to give it the weird shape Jack’s has. It’s important okay, his nose. I don’t know why. But it is. 

Jolene - Jessica Chastain maybe? Although I’d like someone English to do it. She probably could pull it off though. <nods>  Selnam - Someone similar to Omar Sharif. Only I’d like his skin a bit darker. Even though he’d be covered in burn scars. An actor of color for sure, Selnam’s world is kind of based on middle eastern stuff.  Nazlanga - Probably Stephanie Beatriz. The character is from the same world Selnam is from and I think Stephanie would be PERFECT for her. She’s the villain, yeah, but she’s got serious depth and a pretty great story arch that’s all her own.  I hope I can write her to do her justice. I think Stephanie could act her and do her justice! 

And the 10 people I’m going to tag are: @teacups-and-tealeaves @stephrawlingwrites @karsawriter @dreamswithadashofspice @leapwriter @writebruh @ruinedambitions @incipientwrites @biblio-fiend @bethanywritesbooks 

MY QUESTIONS:  1. What’s your favorite genre to write?  2. What are your top five favorite songs to write to?  3. Which if your characters is the most difficult for you to write and why? 4. What do you do when you have writers block?  5. Who is your most supportive ‘fan’? (Friend, teacher, parent etc?) and why? 6. What are your favorite types of scenes to write?  7. What Author(s) have most influenced you?  8. How do you plot your work? Or do you not?  9. If you have face claims for your main characters who are they? If not, describe them physically for me!  10. Which of your characters is most like you personality wise? 

[filmstruck]

Time to Play FUNNY GAMES by Nathaniel Thompson

Something a lot of moviegoers have to struggle with is deciding how they feel about a film that absolutely, positively doesn’t want to be loved. The term “feel bad movie” was even coined to describe films that are deliberately alienating, infuriating, depressing or even boring. Of course, everyone’s mileage will vary; for example, some people felt an elevated transcendence watching REQUIEM FOR A DREAM (‘00), while others hated it with every fiber of their being. There’s no right or wrong response here; it’s all part of the complicated and fascinating process of how we consume art.

For me, I can’t think of a director who gives me a tougher time than Michael Haneke. The German-born filmmaker has built his career out of regarding humanity like specimens under glass, including his audience. He finds a stimulus, gets a response and then finds a way to jab deeper to get a more intense reaction from his characters and his audience, often pushing them to the breaking point. Sometimes I love the results he gets from this approach, especially his post-2000 work like THE PIANO TEACHER (‘01), THE WHITE RIBBON (‘09) and AMOUR (‘12). Others leave me feeling annoyed or scratching my head, though that isn’t to say that a repeated viewing might not change things.

And then there’s FUNNY GAMES (‘97). Oh, FUNNY GAMES. Is it possible to greatly admire a film, find it fascinating and have it linger in your memory for years, and yet deeply resent it at the same time? If so, this one is at the top of the heap for me. Here Haneke takes aim at the way people watch and process violent entertainment, with an unspoken but very clear allusion to horror movies. The film feels like a reaction against films like HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER (‘86), STRAW DOGS (‘71) and LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (‘72) with its harrowing chronicle of a nice, normal nuclear family invaded and gradually torn apart by a couple of sadistic sickos in tennis clothes. Haneke has no interest in generating pulpy thrills here, but then again, the film’s predecessors had more on their mind as well than just torturing their characters. It’s the torture part, both physical and emotional, that Haneke is really examining here with his two villains addressing the camera directly and trying to implicate the viewer by questioning why they would watch something like this… and why they won’t do something to help the victims. It’s an interesting gambit, or a stunt if you want to view it that way, that clearly means to flatter the more critically-oriented people out there in the theater seats, but it also makes assumptions about genre cinema that become a huge problem if you’re more than passingly familiar with horror films.

I’ll try to avoid spoilers here for those who haven’t seen the film, but it’s difficult to discuss without at least hinting at two of the most infamous moments in this film. The first is a tragic, brutal event that occurs at the end of the second act, with Haneke’s camera lingering on the static aftermath in excruciatingly long detail, making Tarkovsky seem like a case of A.D.D. by comparison. My interpretation is that we’re supposed to be parsing out our feelings in what amounts to a very dark sort of meditation; as the characters try to process what’s happened with the camera refusing to move and the actors staying in the same spot, it turns into a Rorschach test where we’re meant to project our own responses onto the screen. It’s an interesting concept, but it also treads that fine line between artistic exploration and viewer exploitation as it essentially batters our emotions for a reaction; if you don’t respond like the event clearly wants you to, the effect can be distancing and somewhat distasteful. Then again, maybe that’s what he was going for. Haneke’s a tricky fellow sometimes. A similar tactic is used near the end of the notorious French horror film MARTYRS (‘08), which locks the camera down for a pitiless wide view of a central character being tortured at length, basically beating the viewer down as well until we’re pulverized enough to accept the truly daring and, for me at least, remarkable terrain the story treads into for its final stretch. If you tried to watch both films back to back, you might need to go into therapy for months just to get over it.

Then there’s the fact that the two psychopaths are all too aware that they’re in a film, repeatedly breaking the fourth wall and referencing things like genre conventions and running time. This hits a highpoint during an action at the climax that’s become something of a make or break moment for many viewers, a deliberate sabotaging of what the audience wants and expects done in the most sadistic way possible. (Hint: it involves a piece of TV equipment.) I’ve seen people actually give a middle finger to the film at this point, and with good reason. Whether this statement (or nose tweak, depending on your perspective) on how we root on violence under certain circumstances is a valid one is a tantalizing idea. However, if it’s supposed to be a scolding against people who watch violent horror and action films, that’s where things get sticky. Any sane viewer knows the difference between simulated and real violence; no one watching a slasher film or a shoot ‘em up wants real people to feel pain, let alone die, and the thrill of seeing a bad guy dispatched at the end of a story is something that goes back to the very dawn of storytelling. If this film deliberately sets itself up to be as naturalistic as possible and sets up its evildoers to be as reprehensible as possible, it’s pretty disingenuous to wag your finger at the viewer for wanting to see some payback.

So, did Haneke’s experiment achieve anything in the long run? I still honestly don’t know. The shot-for-shot English remake with Naomi Watts from 2007 was fine, albeit completely unnecessary apart from the way it showed how much its shock value had diminished in the ensuing decade of home invasion and European extreme horror films. Haneke’s film was considered shocking and even dangerous when it opened, though now in the wake of some of his thematically related films (especially 2005’s CACHÉ, a significant entry in between his two versions of the story), it’s easier to assess as a key entry in his cinematic looks at how society can twist and distort what we think of as the secure family unit and normal behavior. The violence may not be quite as harrowing now, but the central thesis of this film is still an uncomfortable one. So all that said, this movie still makes me a bit angry. And that’s not only a good thing, but probably a necessary one.

[thedefinitionofbts]

Our First and Last (Ch. 9)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | 

Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 (Final)

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (MAIN) | Park Jimin x Kim Taehyung | Jung Hoseok x Min Yoongi | Kim Namjoon x Kim Seokjin

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Soulmate Au, Scifi

Words: 4.4K

Days in lab were consuming most of your summer. Graduate classes would start in early fall, but that wasn’t until September. You had finally completed a successful attempt of the experiment Jungkook had assigned you, and were feeling much better about wasting so much material (aka convincing yourself it wasn’t all in vain).

Jungkook was always busy, and seeing him after that “visit to his apartment” was surprisingly not as awkward as you had originally prepared for. Granted you barely saw him around anyways, but when you did, the neurosurgeon had just acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened and continued treating you the way he had before, but you were somehow less intimidated by his status.

It's not until now, that you find yourself sitting in his office once again, discussing more theories and the next steps of the project.

“I’ve made some alterations to the project” Jungkook says, as he pulls up another PowerPoint on his computer.

Damn, how does this guy have enough time on his hands to put together this stuff. It’s not like we’re having a lab meeting…

“Recently I’ve gotten a new surgical procedure approved, and it changes up the game.”

You look at him, waiting for him to continue because it’s not like you knew how important any of this was or what kind of vital role this so called procedure plays in the overall project. And you didn’t understand why he always just assumed you knew what he was talking about 100% of the time.

“It may redefine consciousness”

He pauses, perhaps waiting for an awestruck response from you, but you continue to look at him, wondering if consciousness was ever defined in the first place.

“We’ve always associated consciousness with being awake, leading us to believe that our dreams are part of our subconscious.”

You listen to him explain, trying to follow along as best you can so you won’t have to ask any dumb questions later.

“It’s a simple, minimally invasive procedure where the connections between neurons in the lower cortical layers are strengthened. You know, the area where our perceptions are bound into a cohesive whole, and this procedure could potentially change the sleep-awake dynamic, making dreams more clear and understandable.” Jungkook pauses and looks at you with that pair of memorizing doe eyes, and you almost forget what he was talking about. Good thing the eye contact only lasted for a fraction of a second because you were practically getting lost in them. “It’s like putting on glasses for the first time, there’s a certain element to that breathtaking experience of depth and clarity that we haven’t had the ability to explain properly, and now this might be the answer.”

“Is it possible that dreams and memories are one in the same?” You ask, not knowing how or why that thought suddenly popped into you head and came out of your mouth without any warning.

Jungkook slowly raises his eyes to look at you again. There was an unspoken glint in them that you had never seen before, like your question had sparked something in his own head that he wasn’t expecting.

“Memories….” He’s looking at you for an unnaturally long amount of time, before he clears his throat and averts his eyes. “We won’t know until experimentation on humans. So far, the brains of non-human primates are the closest match, and those monkeys can’t really voice anything to us.”

Another thought pops into your head.

“Do you need volunteers?”

“Y/N, I’m a biochemistry major. You’re going to need to do more explaining than that.” Hoseok says as you’re telling him about consciousness and the re-defining nature of Jungkook’s new procedure.

“Well, if we’re talking about consciousness, the simplest scenario is you looking in a mirror. Let’s say you didn’t know the mirror was placed in front of you, and you just saw a being that was exactly the same as you, down to the last subatomic particle. So how is your brain just able to know, that the supposed you that you are looking at is not you, and that the you looking at it, is you?”

“Ok, you lost me at ‘the simplest scenario’” Hoseok slumps down in his chair.

“Whatever, the point is, Dr. Jeon is going to help me clear up my dreams.”

“Y/N, you can’t just let this guy just use you as a lab rat. I mean, as hot and intelligent and skilled as he is, your not obligated to donate your body to him… ” Hoseok says before realizing he phrased that in the worst way possible. “Ok, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.”

“But I want to, Hobi. Besides it’s a simple procedure and experimentation on humans has already been approved by the medical association.”

“But…but…”

“Just think of me as a volunteer.”

“What about the risks involved?”

“Temporary amnesia, but it’s very unlikely. Especially with someone as skilled as Dr. Jeon.”

“He’s that good?”

“He’s that good.”

Hoseok doesn’t look convinced, but you had already made your decision.

After you had revealed to Jungkook that you happen to take therapy sessions at the same clinic he goes to, Jungkook thought it was probably a good idea to pay a visit to Dr. Kim Taehyung before the actual procedure (out of respect and maybe to also apologize to his partner Jimin for being rude in the past). It was embarrassing to say the least, especially seeing the dorky smile spread across the pink-haired psychologists face as he accepted the apology in a flash.

Taehyung, however, had not been as easily forgiving, and he was far from happy about the whole “experimental procedure”.

“As her psychologist, I’ll need to take more factors into account.” Taehyung says as Jimin stands behind the couch he was sitting on.

Jungkook was sitting on the other couch across from Taehyung. It was like having a therapy session; only there were two faces across from him, Taehyung and Jimin, which made Jungkook feel even more uneasy because of the antagonistic terms they had been on before. The three of them were in Taehyung’s office, and Jungkook thinks this is about as friendly as he’s ever been (or is ever going to be) with the two psychologists. He’s also starting to think that maybe this was a bad idea, but he sucks it up like always and explains the actual procedure.

“She’s agreed to go through with it, and there are virtually no risks involved”

“Dr. Jeon, you do realize that most professors don’t consider doing experiments on their students, right?” Taehyung voices, only to have Jimin whisper “Taehyung!” and nudge his shoulder, reminding him that Jungkook has no ill intentions.

“I wouldn’t if I wasn’t confident that this procedure is harmless,” Jungkook says. He looks down, as if trying to summon more words of reassurance; more ways to convince Taehyung that he knows what he’s doing and he’s worked his whole life for this.

“This might even help her condition” Jimin says to Taehyung after realizing the latter hasn’t responded.

Taehyung sighs after a long drawn out silence where him and Jungkook were basically just staring each other down. “Very well, I’m going to trust you, as a doctor, to make sure she comes out of this unharmed.”

Taehyung was recalling the last session he had with you, thinking about how much you struggled to remember the last event that happened in your dream, after they the man that had consistently been present, suddenly disappeared. But the thing that really caught Taehyung’s attention and came as a shocking revelation was the fact that Jeon Jungkook was the very professor you were doing research under. All of this lead Taehyung to feel weirdly attacked in way because Jungkook had been showing up everywhere ever since Jimin brought him into the clinic and started treating him. Not only was he the central topic him and Jimin would talk about most of the time, he recently shifted to also becoming the main focus of his therapy sessions with you. And just when Taehyung thought it couldn’t get any more “intimate�� with Jungkook, here he was again, directly dealing with this admittedly “hot” neurosurgeon whose life kept getting intertwined with his and Jimin’s.

“Thank you, Dr. Kim” Jungkook says, feeling his face flush a little for the first time in years. The office room suddenly felt uncomfortably warm, making Jungkook tug at the collar of his dress shirt.

Taehyung swallows, not knowing if he preferred this side of Jungkook to his previous commanding alter ego, but one thing’s for sure, it’s certainly going to take some getting used to.

“Well, that’s that then” Jimin says, clapping his hands together. He was clearly unaware of the awkwardness looming in the atmosphere, but at least he saved both Jungkook and Taehyung from another moment of drawn out awkward silence.

“Dr. Jeon, where are we going?” You ask as Jungkook tells you to take a walk with him after lab.

It was the day before the procedure, and Jungkook had told you to take a break from doing experiments, which somehow entailed doing something outside of lab with him for a second time. He was probably just trying to get you to relax so you could be in a physically optimum condition for the procedure, so you don’t question him on the matter and just decide to go along.

It was early afternoon and the weather was mild, sunny with a cool breeze. The scenery was very green, different shades ranging from bright chartreuse to dark pine, splattered across your visual field; a perfect contrast to the light blue sky, the patches of yellow dandelions in the grass, and the dark maroon colored shrubs lining the side of the path.

“About what you said the other day….” Jungkook begins to say as the two of you are walking along a cobblestone trail behind the hospital. He was wearing a navy blue, knitted sweater, with a white-collar, and his black slacks and dress shoes were on point as always.

“About dreams and memories…” He looks at you, almost hesitating to continue.

“Oh, that was just my mind running off to places.” It surprises you that he’s still thinking about what you said. You didn’t actually think it through before it just came out of your mouth, and you certainly didn’t expect Dr. Jeon to actually take that comment so seriously.

“It’s something I’ve also thought about. In the past and up until now.”

You find yourself confused again, but you had long gotten used to feeling this way whenever you had conversations with Jungkook. His mind always seems too far ahead of yours, and you’re never able to catch what he’s trying to get at. But this time, his words really grab your attention.

“Those paintings. They’re places I feel like I’ve been. The dreams I used to have, although it sounds crazy, but they feel too real to just merely be dreams.”

At this point there’s a thought in the back of your mind, that you don’t have the courage to voice or even think about. It’s always been there, like some crazy idea that was a manifestation of your mind playing tricks on you, but you’ve always kept it buried because maybe you were insane to think that everything Jungkook was saying is eerily similar to your own feelings about your dreams, too similar. But saying that out loud might make it seem like you were trying too hard to resonate with his words and might strip them of profoundness, so you always chose to stay silent.

And the two of you continue walking for what feels like an eternity but is only probably no more than five minutes, until the second surprise of the day decides to hit you in the face.

Through the corner of you eye, you see whom is undoubtedly Hoseok chatting with someone in the distance. He hadn’t spotted you and Jungkook yet, so you decide to do something you didn’t think you had the guts to, which was push Jungkook back behind the nearest tree, because you were not about to go through a long ass explanation about why you were with him outside of lab, again. And Hoseok would be having a field day if he saw you walking together, side-by-side, chatting like you were close friends or even worse…

You heart was pounding, and you immediately regret what you just did because prior to today, you had never even come close to making physical contact with the guy. But by some unseen force that came over you two seconds ago, you were somehow given the audacity to just slammed him into a tree on a whim. At this point, you can’t even bring yourself to lift your head and look at the expression on his face because the physical distance between the two of you was too close to even breathe. He was basically cornering you against the tree.

“Wait, isn’t that the guy you came with on the first day” You hear Jungkook ask as he peaks at them from behind the tree you guys were hiding by. “And what’s he doing with Yoongi?”

“What?” You ask while simultaneously turning and taking a look for yourself, forgetting the nervous regret that was strangling you earlier. Low and behold, the guy Hoseok was chatting with was indeed Min Yoongi.

“Are you sure I’m allowed in the palace?” Jimin asks, as the young prince guides him through the empty halls and eerie chambers.

“My father is visiting a neighboring state, so he won’t be back until later” The young prince reassures the fairy boy.

It was Park Jimin’s seventh visit to the Yang Dimension in Kim Taehyung’s timeline, but the young prince has already grown attached to bubbly fairy boy and the new found company of his first ever friend.

Taehyung looked forward to seeing Jimin, every year. Planning out everything he wanted to do with the boy during his short visits, and even making trips deep into the forest every day of the year to look for Jimin, despite the latter telling him he can only travel through the portal once a year on that specific day. But Taehyung never stopped thinking that just in case Jimin is able to come back more than once a year, he wouldn’t miss a single opportunity to see his only friend, even if it meant extra severe beatings from his father for leaving the palace, more cuts from the thorny bushes in the forest, and the fatigue, due to physical exertion, that would constantly wash over his frail body.

Their time together never felt like it was enough, because even when Jimin was there, Taehyung still missed him, and he would always cry himself to sleep at night every time the pink-haired boy left to go back to the Yin Dimension. He knew there was nothing either of them could do about it, but he learned to cherish every second he was fortunate enough to have with Park Jimin. To him, the fairy-boy’s yearly visits were the only thing worth waiting and living for, like the perfect rainbow after a destructive thunderstorm or the irreplaceable stable comfort of a home that never existed.

“Will you come back?” The prince had never failed to ask the same question every year. Never getting tired of hearing the same answer, the only answer he ever wants to hear.

“Yes, you’ll see me again next year.” The reassuring musical voice of Jimin would calm him, ever so slightly, but it was fleeting and just like his visits, it never lasted long enough.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

This was the first time Taehyung had brought Jimin to the palace. They spend a day playing in Taehyung’s bedroom, laughing and chatting until the yellow-orange glow of the sunset filled the room.

“Jimin?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

The fairy boy is startled by the young prince’s sudden request, lavender eyes a dazzling contrast against the warm toned world, flawless pale skin almost translucent under the sunlight, but without answering he smoothly leans in and kisses Kim Taehyung on the lips. Their soft skin melding into one as cool meets warm in a perfect fusion of atomic particles from opposing dimensions.

The emotion swelling in their chests is like nothing either of them has ever felt before, but as quickly as the moment had escalated, it ended just as abruptly. The sound of the door to Taehyung’s bedroom banging against the wall as it is kicked open by a guard is loud enough to shatter the glass windows.

“Remove that filthy animal!” The King’s voice is deep and disgusted as he walks up behind the group of guards that have just barged into the prince’s room.

“Jimin, run!” Taehyung yells desperately, as he stares wide eyed as his father whose face is full of fury. The alarm in his mind is ringing, causing him to feel a sharp pain in his head.

“GO!!”

Jimin dashes out of the room, agile feet allowing him to dodge the guards. He turns his head one last time, only to see the King land a forceful punch on the prince’s beautiful face. The scene almost causes him to stop in his tracks, but Taehyung’s scream for Jimin to keep running prevents him from turning back.

As he hops down the steps and out of the palace, the image of Taehyung’s bloody lips and bruised eyes has manifested into physical pain for Jimin. He clutches his chest as he sprints into the forest, blinking away the tears that are blurring his vision.

“It’s Jungkook and Y/N” Taehyung says when he puts his earphones in, hastily dials Jimin’s, and hears the voice on the other end. He sitting in rush hour traffic now, with rain beating down on the window shield of his car as the windshield wiper desperately tries to swipe the buckets of water away. The obnoxious honks of the cars stuck in a their lanes is irritating, but Taehyung has more important things on his mind.

“What’s with them?” Jimin’s voice on the receiving end sounds muffled due to the bad signal.

“They’re from the first parallel universe we met in” Taehyung can feel his heartbeat quicken as the words leave his mouth. He had been having this sort of hunch for a while now, but only recently was it confirmed.

“The Yin and Yang dimensions?” Jimin’s voice is louder now, but Taehyung can still hear the sounds of sizzling vegetables being stir-fried in the background. Jimin was cooking dinner.

“Yes.”

“What? Are you saying we finally found another pair? How do you know?”

“The surgery. When she woke up, she was able to recall memories her brain had previously neglected. The ones that manifested in her dreams.”

“So Dr. Jeon just successfully redefined dreams and memory in consciousness? Wait, what happens now?” Jimin is trying to steady his rushed thoughts, but all of his questions are just tumbling out of his mouth.

“Are you ever going to stop drooling over the guy?” Taehyung’s voice comes out slightly irritated due to traces of jealously he won’t ever admit to. He narrows his eyes, even though Jimin can’t see him.

“Hey, I’m just interested in his research” The latter defends.

“Whatever, the point is, I think she’ll figure it out soon, if she hasn’t already.”

“But Dr. Jeon doesn’t know, does he?”

“Why do you keep referring to him so formally?”

“Because he has just graced humanity with other worldly knowledge and made a groundbreaking discovery, I feel weird just calling him “Jungkook”, it seems so….informal”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, and inhales a long breath of air before exhaling and tightening his grip on the steering wheel as the vehicles lined up in front of his finally begin to inch forward.

“Whatever, the point is, no he doesn’t know yet, so it’s up to you to guide him.”

“Me?! Why is all the pressure suddenly on me?”

“Have you forgotten you’re his psychologist?” Taehyung closes his eyes and leans he head back against the head rest, thinking that maybe Jimin was so caught up with how “hot” Jungkook is, that he forgot why he was treating him in the first place.

“Oh, yeah….” Jimin swallows nervously, half struggling to register all this new information and half trying to connect it all back to whatever he previously knew.

“You said he had dreams right? From what I can tell, those dreams sound awfully similar to Y/N’s dreams, which means there’s still hope.”

“Yeah, hope…..”

A week after you had woken up from your procedure with Taehyung by your side, everything was starting to come together. You had explained to him that you were certain that you had met Jeon Jungkook in another universe, and somehow ended up in this one after both of you had decided to “jump”. At the time, you had look at the golden-haired psychologist, waiting for a confirming response, although you already knew that nothing he said then was going to change your mind about what you were already certain of. You even told him about the paintings in Jungkook’s apartment, and the fact that you know him and Jimin are from the same universe.

“Y/N, I think you should come on a little trip with Jimin and I” was Taehyung’s only response.

And so Taehyung and Jimin had decided to take you by the ocean, thinking that perhaps the atmosphere was suitable for the long story that they decided to orally narrate for you. Before the procedure, you would’ve waved everything they were saying off as if they were telling you some fictional fantasy only fit for teenagers, but everything you’ve been seeing in your sub-conscious dreams had already come together and you knew it was real, just like you had always wanted to believe that it was.

However, what happened to them after they jumped into the wormhole was still overwhelming and heart wrenching, and you tried to suppress the questions forming in your head as they talked because you didn’t want to interrupt the captivating tale. They spoke of different universes, where they met only to fall in love again, cycles of hard fought beginnings and inevitable endings, in search of a place where eternal love could exist.

“Maybe eternal love just doesn’t exist” You say, listening to the waves of the ocean crash against the rocky shores as Jimin finishes and falls silent.

“Contrary to popular belief, it actually does, but the catch is, sacrifices have to be made.” Jimin looks at you with an aged smile that transcends his physical youth and reflects the amount of hardships he’s gone through. Noticing that his philosophical thoughts have put you in a confused state, he proceeds to explain in more detail.

“Matter that forms the bond of love can only choose one or the other. Either the medium exists eternally or the bond of love exists eternally, but one has to be traded for the other. That’s what Taehyung and I have discovered over the years, throughout our travels to different dimensions and our struggles to finally find each other again. We’ve learned that this particular trade-off is the only constant in every dimensional universe.” Jimin explains, his eyes dreamy now as he looks towards the setting sun.

There’s a long silence and the only thing that can be heard is the ocean, waves growing stronger as the sun disappears below the horizon, signaling the pending rise of the moon from its slumber.

“You know why the people in both the Yin and Yang dimensions never get a taste of true love?” Jimin asks.

“Because they’d rather choose eternal life?”

“That and because they are literally missing their other half” He smiles, and you could see the moon’s glow reflecting off his clear skin and crescent shaped eyes.

“Do you think he’ll ever remember?” The procedure was the only way you were able to, and you know there’s no way Jungkook could ever operate on himself. But deep in your gut you’re also certain that even if he never does you’ll still wait for him up until the end of your days. Because even breathtakingly beautiful is an understatement for the memories you have of him, and as long as you had the power to, you would never that go.

“There were several universes where I had to wait for him and others where he had to wait for me. We were lucky we recognized each other at the same time in this one, because knowing and waiting really takes a toll. We know from experience.” Jimin reaches over and gently pats you on the shoulder. His touch loosening a bit of the tension you didn’t realize was there.

“We’ve been to many parallel universes, but we ultimately decided to stay in this one. It’s the only one we’ve come across that allows us to spend the entirety of our lives together, and that’s all we’ve ever wanted anyways.” Jimin says.

“So what made you guys choose this universe?”

“We realized that us escaping to different universes was still choosing physical matter over love. And after so much waiting and painful goodbyes, we eventually decided it was time to let go of the medium. To choose love as the thing we wanted to last eternally.”

He pauses and looks over at Taehyung in the distance, who has walked down to the beach to soak his feet in the foamy water. The tender look in his eyes speaks of solace and gratitude.

“Whether we remember it or not, our love will always be there long after our physical bodies cease to exist. It’ll make a home in the colorful swirl of the gravitational field of gaseous stars; the image of the full moon on a clear night sky, representing the feeling of longing between distanced lovers; the pastel colors of the sky slowly lighting up at dawn and the warm hues of sunset mixed with the cool toned reflection of water. It’ll manifest in the sound and smell of rain, the strong, continuous flow of waterfalls, and perhaps in the stories that are passed down from generation to generation.”

That’s when you realize Jimin was right. And at that moment, you finally understand why the legend of Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung is told to every kid in the Yin and Yang dimensions and why it’s such an unchanging tradition.

...

[caseopening-blog]

Benefits of Video Gaming - PC and Video Clip Games

Brand-new COMPUTER, as well as video games, are not just efficient in supplying enjoyable as well as enjoyment for everyone. However they can likewise offer certain advantages and benefits.

 With the aid of sophisticated modern technology as well as popularity, the gaming sector has advanced as well as increased quickly throughout the years.

 If we are looking for categorization of computer games, they are broadly divided right into eight major classifications:

 Activity

 Action games are generally unacceptable for youngsters. Such games fall under the group "M" (mature-rated).

 Adventure and also Role Playing

 These are generally not as visuals as action video games and can take the player right into surrealism and dream. Experience, as well as role-playing video games, usually have violence; 

it is not discovered to be as extreme as the physical violence in activity video games case opening sites. Instances of this classification are Borderlands 2, Final Fantasy, Legend of Mana and also Billy Hatcher.

 Person Shooters

 As the name indicates, it is a video game in which the gamer sees the activity with the eyes of the character he is standing for as well as entails making use of pistols or rifles to eliminate the enemy. 

Because of the physical violence associated with this genre of games, they are not ideal for children. Examples of these video games are "Half-Life, "Half-Life 2", "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare" and so forth.

 Construction and also Management Simulation (CMS).

 As the name recommends, in the video games coming from this style, the gamers are anticipated to build, increase, and also manage fictional tasks as well as neighborhoods with really little sources. Instances of this category consist  Sim City as well as "Harvest Moon."

 Approach.

 Below, the accent is on approach rather than on physical violence, and these video games are slower, which provides the gamer time for tactical thinking, source administration and also preparing to achieve triumph. Most are warfare based, and so violence is not lacking. These games are not suitable for kids. Some examples are Advanced Wars I & II, Civilization V, and also Crusader Kings II.

 Simulation.

 These are a video clip or video game that mimic real-life scenarios under video game setups. In this classification, the three popular video games are Racing Simulators, Flight Simulators, and also Sims. There are lots of games in this course to amuse children. Some examples of simulation video games are Football Manager, Farming Simulator 2013, The Sims and also Evil Genius.

 Plat former.

 The Platform Game or Plat former is consists of jumping in between put on hold platforms of differing elevations or obstacles and also sometimes both to move forward in the game. Some examples of Plat former are 40 Winks, Abuse, Action 52, and also Adventure Island.

 CHALLENGES.

 Problem video games are a class of games that call for puzzle solving. The kinds of challenges that need to fixed can include lots of problem resolving skills such as utilizing reasoning, word completion series addressing, technique, and pattern acknowledgment. Some examples of Puzzle Video Games are Mario, Bejeweled 3, Cradle of Rome 2 as well as Hidden Objects.

 While on the topic, let's not fail to remember Sports games such as NHL 13, as well as FIFA Soccer 13 and also Arcade games such Chicken Shoot 1, Toy Story Mania and also Angry Birds among others.

 Nowadays the computer game is enjoyed by a vast cross-section of our culture, from kids to grandparents as well as these have been approved by everyone as a good way of amusement as well as seen to be much better than seeing TV as it calls for the customer's involvement and also communication.

 The general feeling is that video games do not give any benefits to the gamer and also specifically so in the case of kids.

 Unlike this idea, there are numerous benefits in allowing kids to play particular types of video games. Essential of these benefits is the growth o:

 · Cognitive thinking skills.

 · Fine electric motor abilities.

 · Real-time decision-making capacities.

 · Hand-eye control.

 · Cooperative playing skills.

 Maintaining video games out of the reach of youngsters can deny them of these advantages.

 A child's imagination can be boosted with role-playing as well as adventure video games. Even if some of these video games can appear tasteless because of its graphic nature and also violence, 

they can play a favorable and also vital function in a child's growth by an advertising team effort, developing confidence and also boosting electric motor skills. Playing such video games will only provide a child with healthy and balanced methods of expression.

 Specific computer game thought to teach youngsters high-level thinking abilities which they would certainly benefit from in the future.

 Now that we have looked at the benefits for youngsters, let's check out what advantages video games hold for the remainder of us.

 Research into the pros and cons of computer game are being carried out by different bodies, including universities in some components of the globe, and the outcome is that the pros exceed the disadvantages regarding advantages.

 When playing a computer game, you would require to react promptly and take split-second decisions to do well in the provided task. It  thought that this type of practice would certainly offer advantages in the real world where you would certainly be able respond with speed and take fast choices.

 Brain scientists have found that a specific driving video game, produced by a research and development team at the University of California in San Francisco can enhance the temporary memory as well as the lasting emphasis of older grownups.

 If located that immersion in a video game distracts the mind from discomfort as well as pain. As a result of this reason, some hospitals have begun to recommend that kids and also others undergoing excruciating therapies play video games to reduce their distress and anxiousness.

 Some computer game has supplied improvement in "Cognitive Flexibility," which is the capacity to change promptly from one job to an additional.

 Researchers from North Carolina State University discovered a web link in between playinga computer game and mental well-being amongst the senior. They located that those citizens who played video games, even sometimes, experienced a state of well- being and also joy.

 Video gaming can also enhance family partnerships as a few of these video games can and also need to play together.

 According to some research studies conducted at the University of Rochester, people playing certain titles of computer game have come along in tests in the following areas.

 - Multitasking.

 - Attention.

 - Accuracy.

 - Vision.

 The only point a computer game gamer or his/her family requires to make certain is that it does not end up being addictive by any means. 

A video game player should not wind up spending hrs on end having fun games as well as losing track of time and also the location and also while overlooking responsibilities, personal job, and also obligations.

 An additional thing that the moms and dads of minors require to ensure is that their kids get accessibility only to instructional or comparable video games which are suitable for their age as well as the good news is that there's a big choice of games offered that are suitable for any ages.

 A computer game web content ranking is a system is available in numerous nations, and they are used to categorize computer game right into suitability-related age concerning its components which, if followed, will certainly help to limit the adverse facets of several of the games.

 If video clip game players can play in small amounts and stick just to the categories of video games appropriate for their particular ages, they can obtain several advantages as mentioned over.

[briargreengrass-blog]

Diagon University - Task 001

Briar-Rose Greengrass - Character Development Sheet

BASICS

Name: Briar-Rose Astoria Greengrass

Nicknames?: Briar, Bri 

Age: 20

Birthday: September 29th

Gender: Female

Orientation: Bisexual 

Zodiac Sign: Libra

APPEARANCE

Hair Color: Red (charms it Blonde sometimes) 

Eye Color: Green

Complexion: Light

Height: 5′9

Build: Thin, Slender, Tall

Glasses/Contacts?: N/A

Heritage/Ethnicity: White

Tattoos/Piercings?: Ear Piercings

Distinguishing Features: Red hair and height - the girl’s all legs lmao

WIX

Bloodstatus: Pureblood

House/Year: Ravenclaw, Sophomore

Major/Minor: Major in Psychological Healing and Minor in Elemental Magic

Boggart: Failure

Patronus: -

Quidditch?: N/A

Prefect?: N/A

Extra Circulars?: Charms

Wand: -

Amorentia: Strawberries, Cinnamon and Salted Popcorn 

SPEECH

Languages: English

Accent?: Proper English

Voice Pitch: Soft/Normal

Anything Distinctive?: N/A

PERSONALITY

Introvert/Extrovert?: Introvert

Hobbies/Interests: Charms, Baking, Gardening, Arts & Crafts

Skills/Talents: Baking, Legilimency, Occlumency

Bad Habits: Sometimes cares about others opinions more than her own, Can be materialistic

Likes: Baking, Arts & Crafts, Gardening, Seeing people happy

Dislikes: Seeing people unhappy, Bullies, 

Strengths: Intelligent, Adaptable, Caring, Warm, Charming, Kind

Flaws: Can be materialistic, Cares a lot about others opinions, 

Pet Peeves: Bullying, Seeing people being too stubborn to ask for help when they need it

Describe Sense of Humour: Briar laughs a lot, she finds humour to be a great stress reliever. 

FAVORITES

Color: Orange

Animal: Dog

Food: Italian 

Drink: Fruit Juice

Genre of Books: Classic Novels, Psychological, 

Genre of Movies/TV: Drama, Mystery, Thriller, Crime

Genre of Music: Classical, Soft Old School, Pop, Indie

Season: Summer

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationship with Parents: Briar loves her mum’s - Daphne and Venus. She gets on so well with them and finds it easy to speak to them about anything that she has on her mind. Her parents are loving and always encouraging Briar to follow her own instincts and to find her own footing in life. She finds that when people first meet her mums it’s a shock to their system because with the name Greengrass, most expect the snobby, posh, bland persona that was previously described but that’s not the case. Daphne is a photographer/artist and Venus is a computer software/video game developer

Relationship with siblings: Briar is the only child of Daphne and Venus. She’s biologically Daphne’s - hence with the Greengrass name. 

Relationship with extended family: TBD

How are they in a romantic relationship?: Briar doesn’t really know how to act in a relationship. She’s never been in one that she could class as serious so she only really knows the sort of beginning stage of a relationships where everything’s shiny and new. 

How are they as a friend?: Briar will do anything for her friends. She has diehard loyalty to the people she considers friends. 

What do they look for in a lover?: Someone that she vibes well with. Someone that shares a lot in common with her but also has their differences. 

What do they look for in a friend?: Kind, Caring, Loyal, 

EXTRA

Occupation/Goal Occupation: Briar wants to definitely do something with Psychological Healing. At this point in time, she wants to help people in regards to therapy and mental health. She feels liker her strong ability to understand peoples mindsets would help as well as having the Legilimency and Occlumency to be able to really see how people are feeling and what they’re thinking. 

Religion: N/A

Pets: Cat called Missy

SELF-PERCEPTION

How he/she feels about himself/herself: Briar is indifferent about herself. She’s neither super confident nor is she shy. She believes she’s average at best and she’s okay with that

One word the character would use to describe self: Open

What does the character consider their best personality trait? Caring

What does the character consider their worst personality trait? Easily Overwhelmed

What does the character consider their best physical characteristic? Her legs. She’s legit just all legs in her height lmao

What does the character consider their worst physical characteristic? While she likes her legs, Briar isn’t a big fan of her height because she’s so tall compared to most of the others her age. Plus being so tall and having bright red hair is like having a big arrow pointing to her. 

How does the character think others perceive them: She doesn’t know but she hopes it’s in a good light

What would the character most like to change about themselves: She’d like to be more assertive sometimes.

GOALS/CONFLICT

Most Painful Experience or an Experience that has shaped who your character is today: By having two mums, Briar never saw anything wrong with that. However there were some people in the world that didn’t like the fact that Daphne and Venus were together - even more so when they had Briar-Rose. She witnessed a lot of homophobic things directed towards her parents growing up and that was a shock to the system that not everyone is kind and open minded. Briar needed that shock, but it’s always been a hard thing to hear/see for her. 

Characters Goals. What do they want? What is their biggest dream? Briar wants to be comfortable in her decisions and to make use of her skills and talents where they would be valuable

Characters Motivation. Why do they want the goal above? For who or what? She wants to prove herself and make her mums proud

Characters Conflict. What is keeping them from their goals? She has a lot of self doubt and struggles with the idea of a serious decision she makes being so final. 

What would your character wish for if they knew it would come true? To be more certain about things. 

[randomrichards]

MOVIES (THAT MIGHT BE) WORTH CHECKING OUT IN JANUARY 2020:

January 3:

THE GRUDGE

We begin with an attempted reboot of the hit horror flick based on another hit horror film.

Based on the Japanese import Ju-On, the film centres around a curse born from a fit of anger that attacks anyone who dares to enter a house. The pale boy ghost and the contorted woman became instantly iconic, especially when they made that crackling sound. Of course, people in North America are more likely to recognize its remake The Grudge. While not on the same level as its predecessor, the American was still a hit. It has become so iconic that there was a crossover movie where it faces off against the ghost from Ringu.

This time, the target is Peter Spencer (John Cho), a real estate agent who intended to sell a house not realizing it contained the title curse. Believing a homicide occurred, Spencer calls on Detective Muldoon (Andrea Risborough) to investigate. But they fail to realize the curse inside dooms all who enter it with a violent and it’s coming for them.

Here’s another of a long list of Horror remakes Hollywood has been peddling in the last decade. For every good one (It, Child’s Play), there are three times as many failures (the recent ones being Pet Semetary and Black Christmas). I’m not having much hope for this one. It can still be good, but it needs a director with as creative a vision as Takashi Shimizu’s.

THREE CHRISTS

Based on The Three Christs of Ypsilanti by Milton Rokeach, Three Christs tells the real-life experiment involving three men who claim to be a certain savior.

In Michigan’s Ypsilanti State Hospital in 1959, Dr. Alan Stone (Richard Gere) conducts a revolutionary experiment where he brings together three men (Peter Dinklage, Walton Goggins and Bradley Whitford) who each claim to be Jesus Christ. He hopes to use this experiment to force them to confront their delusions. It would certainly be preferable to electroshock therapy.

A real-life story like this comes with a lot of potential. But with the director of Fried Green Tomatoes helming this project, it looks like this will be a typical biopic. This is a shame with 4 great actors working together.

January 10:

1917

Sam Mendes, the director of American Beauty and Skyfall, takes us back to World War One and hopes to enter the Oscar Race with his latest war movie 1917.

Generla Erinmore (Colin Firth) tasks young British soldiers Blake (Dean-Charles Chapman) and Schofield (George MacKay) with a difficult mission. 1,600 of their fellow soldiers are heading into a fatal trap and the two soldiers must deliver a message calling off the raid before tomorrow morning. And one of them is Blake’s brother. Racing against time, Blake and Schofield are forced to rush through enemy territory to deliver the message on time. Benedict Cumberbatch also

The film is already garnering high praise for its gripping suspense and graceful camera. It’s already garnering nominations at the Golden Globe Awards for Best Dramatic Motion Picture, Best Director and Best Original Score. It’s especially getting praise is how it makes the film look like one long camera shot following the two leads through their mission.

CHHAPAAK

All the way from India is a film inspired by real life acid attack survivor Laxmi Agarwal.

This film looks at Malti (Deepika Padukone), a woman horribly scared after an acid attack. The film follows her through her physical treatment and eventual trial. It looks like the core of the film will be her journey of emotional healing, regaining her self-worth with the help of loved ones.

Unless you know films that show Bollywood movies, I suspect this film will be hard to find for many people. Kind of a shame

JUST MERCY

Writer/Director Destin Daniel Cretton (Short Term 12) brings ups the real-life story of a lawyer who battled systemic racism to free an innocent man.

Harvard graduate Bryan Stevenson (Michael B. Jordan) heads to 1980s Alabama to assist advocate Eva Ansley (Brie Larson) to defend those wrongfully convicted. His first and most important case is Walter McMillian (Jamie Foxx), who was sentenced to death for the notorious murder of an 18-year-old girl despite evidence proving his innocence including a group of people who could vouch for him.

As Stevenson works prove McMillian’s innocence and those of other death row inmates, he faces up against an uncaring political maneuvers and systemic racism.  But neither he nor Ansley will let this stop them.

Audiences love and underdog story and this one is sure to satisfy, especially with Jordan, Larson and Foxx starring in the film. It’s also sure to offer some catharsis for those frustrated with current systemic racism. But this could by a typical biopic forgotten by the end of the year.

January 17:

BAD BOYS FOR LIFE

I’m going to be brief because I don’t think we’re going to get anything special from this movie. This film is pretty much a checkmark of every plot element you see in every Buddy Cop movie. Cop considering retiring. Check. One last job? Check. Training arrogant young upstarts? Check. A forever disapproving superior throwing a tantrum of our heroes. Check. It doesn’t matter how flashy the trailer is, a cliché is a cliché.

But then again, the original two film were also piling of buddy cop clichés. The only thing they had going for them was Will Smith’s charisma and Martin Lawrence’s over the top delivery. Only the second movie was memorable thanks to some well shot, over the top action scenes. But I highly doubt this one will be memorable when Michael Bay has backed out of the film.

We don’t really need another Bad Boys movie, especially when we have the Fast and Furious series and the John Wick movies.

DOLITTLE

The famous physician who can talk to animals returns in a new reboot. This time the Doc is played by Robert Downey Jr, fresh from retiring his iconic role of Tony Stark after 10 years. It also looks like it will be going back to its roots as a fantasy story set in the Victorian era. There’s not much plot summary to go on, but judging by the trailer, it will have him setting sail on an adventure alongside his animal friends. At the core of the film seems to be his friendship with two kills. Also, among the cast are Jessie Buckley as Queen Victoria and Antonio Banderas as a pirate.

There is an all-star cast voicing the animals, including Tom Holland, Emma Thompson, Ralph Fiennes and Rami Malek just to name a few.

This film seems to rest its shoulders on Robert Downey Jr, hoping his charm will do for Dr. Doolittle what he did for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But the film lives and dies on writer/director Stephen Gaghan, who is an unusual choice for a family fantasy considering that his resume consists of gritty war movies like Syriana, Traffic and Rules Engagement and crime drama tv shows like The Practice and NYPD Blue. He’s even written for the video game Call of Duty: Ghosts. It’s strange that someone with this resume would be chosen to reboot this franchise. It’s especially risky considering the original attempts to adapt Hugh Lofting books for the big screen. But if Martin Scorsese can make Hugo, there’s a chance Gaghan can make Dolittle work

The first one was a musical that tried to bank on the Sound of Music’s success but was an epic flop. It didn’t help that lead actor Rex Harrison was a notoriously difficult drunk who couldn’t sing. In fact, his behind the scenes shenanigans were way more interesting than the actual movie as proved by Mark Harris’ non-fiction book Pictures at a Revolution. Decades later, 20th Century Fox reboots the franchise was a hit thanks to Eddie Murphy as the title character and a variety of comedic voice actors (especially Albert Brooks, Chris Rock and Norm McDonald) voices the animals. No matter the quality, there’s a weight of nostalgia for both movies with many people growing up with these movies. This film will face the challenge of pushing past the nostalgia.

WEATHERING WITH YOU

From beloved anime writer/director Makoto Shinkai comes another romantic fantasy about two teens.

Teenage boy Hodoka (voiced by Kotaro Daigo) runs away from his isolated island home for Tokyo. Homeless and desperate, Hodoka takes a job as an assistant for journalist Keisuke Suga (Sun Oguri). His job involves finding “The Sunshine Girl”, a local teen girl who can control the weather. He soon finds her in Hina Amano (Nana Mori), a cheerful teen girl living with her brother. He is in awe with her power when she freezes the rain and love soon sparks. But messing with nature comes with a price and soon Hodoka and Hina are fighting to stay together.

Of all the movies on this list, this is the one I’m most excited to see. Once I saw his recent his Your Name, I was in pure awe. Never has a sunset looked more beautiful than in Shinkai’s anime. Every environment in Shinkai’s films enchant you with their vibrant colours and stunning details. Just as beautiful are his fantastical stories of young people growing up. At the core of each story is teens in love kept apart by unusual circumstances, whether it’s distance or time or even being in each other ‘s bodies.

This film’s already a major hit in Japan, which is very encouraging for anime fans.

January 24:

COLOR OUT OF SPACE

And now for something a little weird.

Nathan Gardner (Nicholas Cage) has moved his family to a remote farm to escape city life and live a life of peace and quiet. Then God was like “LOL No!” and sends an asteroid down their way. Then weird shit starts happening, most with colours mutating everything.

With a crew like this, you know you’re getting into some crazy shit. First, the film is based on a short story by H.P. Lovecraft, the inventor of cosmic horror and the man who gave us Cthulhu. Then there’s co-writer/director Richard Stanley, known for his odd genre flicks including Hardware and Dust Devil.[i] And then there’s Nicholas Cage, whose as well known for his scenery chewing Kabuki acting as his acclaimed Oscar-nominated roles. Last year, writer/director Panos Cosmatos found perfect use of Cage’s Kabuki acting in the ultra-stylized revenge masterpiece Mandy. Let’s be honest, the only types of films Cage’s Kabuki acting can work are either stylized, unintentionally hilarious or tongue-in-cheek. With the producers of Mandy working on this film, there’s high hopes it will be deliver on the stylized goods.

THE GENTLEMEN

After remaking Aladdin (and making lots of money in the process), director/writer Guy Ritchie returns to his roots with his latest English crime comedy The Gentlemen.

From what I can gather, the films about an American Pot Dealer (Matthew McConaughey) who plans to sell off his Empire in London when a young gang led by Dry Eye (Henry Golding) starts a drug war. There’s not much plot to go on, but with a Guy Ritchie movie, the plot will be way too complicated to explain. What is guaranteed is that there will be lots of oddball gangsters with weird names, hilarious and gruesome deaths and shit blowing up.

The film features an all-star cast including Charlie Hunnam, Colin Farrell and Hugh Grant continuing his streak of getting his groove back by playing against type.

So far, Ritchie hasn’t made a film that’s reached the same level as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels or Snatch. For the most part, he has been unsuccessful stepping out of his comfort zone. Here’s hoping The Gentleman will bring his back on his A Game.

THE TURNING

This day concludes with a modern take of Henry James’ classic novella The Turn of the Screw.

Kate (Mackenzie Davis) is hired as a governess for care for her boss’s orphaned niece Flora (Brooklyn Prince) and nephew Miles (Finn Wolfhard). But as she cares for them in a secluded mansion, she comes to realize they are being haunted by hostile spirits. Can she protect them for what lies in the mansion?

The film has been remade multiple times, with the most acclaimed one being the 1961 classic The Innocents. This once changes it up by setting it in current times, with a notable scene of Miles creeping Kate out with drums. The film also gives some Conjuring vibes, especially with its cinematography. But it should be noted that similarity doesn’t equal copying and there could be some unique elements in this film.

There certainly is a good chance with director Floria Sigismondi will offer a unique vision. She has already directed episodes of stylized shows like The Handmaid’s Tale, Daredevil and American Gods, but she’s already well known for her stylized directing from her work in music videos. Since Marilyn Manson’s “The Beautiful People”, dilating, jittery camera work has become her trademark, working alongside artists including David Bowie, Bjork, Christina Aguilera, Katy Perry and Justin Timberlake (just to name a few).

January 27:

BEANPOLE

Here’s the film Russia hopes will be nominated for Best Foreign Language film.

Set in Leningrad in 1945, Beanpole centres on Masha (Vasilisa Perelygina) and Iya (Viktoria Miroshnichenko) struggling to trying to rebuild their lives in the ruins of a city demolished by war. At the core of film is the infertile Masha hiring Iya as a surrogate mother.

There’s not much go on, but with the film winning Best Director at the Cannes Film Festival, there’s good prospects for this film. It seems to be a character drama like Roma. Here’s hoping this film’s as quietly engaging as Alfonso Cuaron’s masterpiece.

January 31

THE TRAITOR

We conclude this with an Italian biopic about Tommaso Buscetta, the first Mafia Informant in 1980’s Sicily.

Tommaso (Pierfrancesco Favino) was a member of the Cosa Nostra. Then in 1983, half of his family is killed in a gang war. Now he intends to make them pay using the arm of the law. He knows the mob will do whatever it takes to stop him, but he’s more determined than ever. But as the trials continue, Tommaso will show the rabbit hole goes deeper than the law expected with political figures in the mafia’s pockets.

This is another film that may fall by the wayside, which is a shame because this film seems like a great biopic. It could certainly give overdue attention for director/co-writer Marco Bellocchio, who has remained a criminally overlooked director despite making acclaimed movies since the 1960s.

[i] And being fired from the Brando version of Island of Dr. Monroe.