#and then update 1 will come in april and i’ll hunt the fuck out of mizutsune!!!!!!

[biohazard-inevitable]

I woke up today, ready to play some monster hunter on my off day as usual!

I get settled at my computer, all nice and cozy

And now its night.

And I played for 11 hours straight.

What the fuck.

I didnt mean to do that.

[sunnydaisy1]

Med Students

JACKSON AVERY X OC  (nr i just found it easier to write with a set name)

A/N: I have been watching too much grey’s atm and I know i have lots of requests to write and a wattpad story to update but the Jackson inspiration is too much ahhh.

I walked through the halls beside Alex as we made our way to the reception. Apparently we had all been paged and we didnt know what for. As we entered the large area, I saw all the residents gathered and I squeezed passed a few people until I reached Jackson and Mer. "Hey guys what's going on?" I asked, pulling Karev away from Arizona. "Fresh meat." Jackson said, nodding towards the line of sweating students. I grinned, nudging Jacksons arm, "oh how fun." He rolled his eyes but a small smile played on his lips as he turned his attention to Chief Webber. "Alright people today we are joined by a group of first year medical students who you will be supervising." He spoke, giving us all a stern look to silence the mumbles of disgust. "Your surgeries are their surgeries so look after them and try to be nice please. Oh and I will be choosing a chief resident soon so behave. Dr Grey will read out who you have been designated." Alex mumbled something beside me which caused Mer to slap him hard and I sighed, knowing this was going to be a long day. Lexie stepped forward, holding a clipboard and scanned the room for silence before proceeding. "Okay Marcus is with April." April waved and the med student headed over to her, leaving for rounds. I glanced up at Jackson who was furrowing his eyebrows. My gaze turned back to the pale interns and Lexie. "Meredith has Helen, Christina has David." The two med students walked over nervously and I laughed at Christina's merciless glare. There was 1 pretty girl left who I could tell was eyeing Alex up. "Dibs." Alex called, nudging Jackson and I rolled my eyes at their boyish behaviour. "No fair." Jackson said, shoving Karev back. "You fancy Ma.." Alex started but Jackson elbowed him in the side and I turned round, shaking my head. They both looked at me sheepishly and I turned back round as Lexie announced who Alex was going with. "Alex you're with Lydia." He triumphantly clapped Jackson on the back before heading over to his newfound 'love.' I patted Jackson's back, "Looks like you've either got the greasy dork or mr handsome." Jackson frowned down at me, "mr handsome?" I poked his cheek as Lexie continued to read out the other residents students, "not talking 'bout you." Jackson gave me a lopsided grin as he turned back to face Lex. "Maddie you're with Sam." A tall brunette stepped forward, a handsome grin on his face. "Greasy dork it is." I said to Jackson, walking off to meet my student. I heard him sigh which made me grin as I stopped in front of Sam. "Hey I'm Maddie, you must be Sam." I extended my hand out to him and he smoothly shook it. "Nice to meet you Maddie." I smiled at him and started walking off in the direction of Trauma. "Okay so today we will be under Dr Hunt who is head of Trauma. If you have any questions dont be afraid to ask but try not to get in anyones way." Sam nodded, "okay ma'am." He grinned at me as we stopped outside the ER. "It can be a little shocking seeing a proper trauma in real life for the first time so if you need to step out just do it." Sam nodded as my face turned serious. 

I stepped backwards, opening the door to the ER and walking through the the small corridor that led to the ambulance bay. "Okay we need to put on these yellow gowns and then we are good to go." I said, tossing Sam a large yellow gown. I spotted Jackson walking through the ER doors and I smiled inwardly at his pained expression, probably from his pestering student behind him. I unfolded my over gown and pulled it on, nodding at Sam who was tying his up. I was struggling to sort out the crumpled part at the back when I felt a pair of warm hands move mine away and I turned round and smiled at Jackson who grinned at me and finished tying a bow with the strings. I blushed slightly and walked over to Hunt and Torres with Sam beside me. "Morning all." I said, peering at the two grave attendings beside me. They grunted in return. I felt a nudge beside me, "hm?" I asked, preoccupied with watching Jackson cross his arms over his chest. "Is that one over there your boyfriend?" Sam asked and I blushed, quickly averting my gaze back to my smirking student. "What? No!" I said, frowning. "Okay cool." He continued before looking around at the ambulance bay. JACKSONS POV "Hey uh Dr Avery?" The greasy med student beside me asked as I watched Maddie talk to Sam and giggle on the other side of Hunt. "Yeh?" I asked curtly, fed up with this guys constant questions. "Is the ambulance coming?" He said, pushing his glasses back up his nose. I narrowed my eyes at him and titled my head to look at him, "yes." I said aggressively and James nodded, fiddling with his yellow gown. "Who's uh..who's the resident over there?" James asked, trying to continue the conversation. "Maddie." I responded, tensing as mr handsome nudged her. "Oh okay." He nodded and my attention was snagged from Maddie and her flirting student to the blaring sirens of an ambulance pulling up into the bay. Hunt and Torres stepped forward as the paramedics stepped out the doors and lifted the patient down. "Amanda Hart, 45 years old, multiple burns on her left arm and a large gash on both her legs, possible fracture on the left femur." The medic stated, helping us wheel her into the ER. I felt James shuffle beside me, awkwardly moving around the gurney. "Dude move out the way." I grunted, frustration clouding my brain. Hunt glanced over at me and I cringed, I really needed to impress all the attendings if I'm gonna be chief resident. When we had wheeled Mrs Hart into a bay and transferred her to a hospital gurney, I glanced up at Maddie who was working furiously, sanitizing the wound on the patients right leg. I shook my head to clear it and focused on the patient who was screaming in pain. MADDIES POV When we had finally given some pain meds to Mrs Hart and the bleeding was under control and she had an MRI, I sat on a stool alongside her arm where she needed a few stitches. Sam was listening to Torres explain something about a dislocated shoulder and Jackson's student was standing close beside him on the other side of the room as he finished suturing a young man. "Almost done Mrs Hart." I said sweetly to the middle aged woman watching me. "Thank you sweetie, you're a real star." She replied as I tied off the thread. I smiled at her and stood up, walking over to Hunt. "Need anything sir?" I asked, the ER was kinda slow today and I didnt want to spend all of today stitching up people, plus Sam should get a full insight of a hospital. "Uh no thanks Johnson, if you're looking for something interesting to show your med student you could observe in OR 2, Sloan's building some cheek bones." I nodded, grinning and heading over to Sam who was laughing alongside Callie. "Hey Maddie." Sam said, smiling broadly. "I've finished Mrs Harts sutures and I was wondering if you wanted to come see cheek bones being constructed?" I said nonchalantly as if I hadn't just suggested going to see a really cool surgery. "Really? Oh my god please." Sam said, gobsmacked. I nodded, "yep, go tell Dr Avery and his student, I think they've finished with their patient." Sam grinned and walked over to Jackson. "You know if you totally didnt fancy the crap out of Avery you could go hook up with Sam right now." Callie suddenly said as I watched my favourite resident talk to Sam. "Wait what?" I asked, turning my attention the the grinning Mexican. "might want to wait til after work though, if the chief found out that would be messy." I stared wide eyed at Callie, "wh..how?..howd you know I like Jackson?" The grinning attending turned towards me, "you told alex and alex told arizona who told mark who told me, word travels fast around this hospital Maddie." I gaped at her gobsmacked, shocked that all those people knew, I was gonna kill Alex. "Oh and the fact that you two never stop eye-fucking each other across the room." Callie added and walked off leaving me embarassed and blushing. I tried to act normal as I walked across the room to Sam. "Ready to go?" I asked and he nodded enthusiastically. "Wait hang on, dont leave without me." I heard Jackson pipe up behind me before placing his hands on my shoulders. "Alrighty then let's go." We walked quickly to OR 2, Sam and the student who's name I learned was James walked a little ahead, chatting about what they had seen today. "Hows Mr handsome?" Jackson asked beside me, his piercing green eyes glinting with humour. "Good, not that annoying and easy on the eyes." I responded, grinning at my fellow resident. "Oh lucky you." Jackson said, grumbling, "greasy mcdorkface over there wont shut the hell up." I laughed and shoved him slightly, causing a shit-eating grin to spread over his face. "Meanie." I said, glancing up at Jackson. "I'm not the mean one you called him a greasy dork first." He replied, crossing his arms over his chest in victory. "Yeah but we're all dorks so doesn't really count." I said, my side brushing against Jacksons. "I'm not a dork." He said defensively and I chuckled, "sure you're not Avery." "You're more dorky than me." Jackson poked me and I grinned at him, "that's why you love me." Jackson beamed and watched Sam and James stop outside OR 2. "I'll ask Sloan if we can watch." I said, walking past the two students and holding a mask over my mouth. I noticed Alex and Lydia standing very close together opposite Mark and I rolled my eyes, "Hey Dr Sloan do you mind if Jackson and our students watch the surgery?" Mark looked up at me from the patient and grinned cheekily, "depends if you and avery are gonna watch the surgery or undress each other with your eyes." I felt my face heat up and I glared at Alex who was grinning amused across the room. "Uh no." I replied, avoiding the gazes of the nurses. Mark nodded, "then you can come in." I walked back to the door and nodded, letting Sam, James and Jackson into the room, each now wearing a mask. JACKSONS POV We watched Sloan's surgery for 2 hours before Maddie got paged to the ER and I got paged to Bailey. James and I were walking out of OR 2, discarding our masks when the awkward student spoke up, "that was really cool." I nodded, trying to be a little nicer to him, "yeah it was, plastics is really interesting and Sloans a great surgeon." James nodded and walked alongside me down to the nurses station. "Is Maddie your girlfriend?" He asked suddenly out of the blue and I scoffed, "no." James frowned and adjusted his glasses, "do you want her to be?" I glanced at the dorky man beside me and chuckled a little at his attempt to get me to like him. "That's a yes then." James answered, smiling a little at my amused expression. "Yeah." I smiled at him as we turned the corner to the Nurses station. "You know if you fancy her you should just tell her, I think she likes you as well." James said, following me to the chart rack. "What?" I asked, confused why he would think that. "She likes you back Dr Avery. She kept on looking at you when we were in surgery and Sam told me she never stops talking about you." James continued, making me frown. "Thanks mate but I'm not so sure." I replied and James shrugged as we walked over to Bailey, arms laden with charts. Bailey brought me to check up on some post op patients and let James do a few checks himself. I couldnt stop thinking about what he said and I was looking forward to having lunch in a bit when I could see Maddie again. MADDIES POV Sam and I left Mark's OR after 3 and a half hours to grab food and let him go for lunch with the rest of his fellow students. "I think you guys are having lunch in the canteen with us." I said, leading Sam to the loud room filled with doctors. "Cool." He replied, walking closely beside me. We entered the canteen and I saw the rest of the residents sitting on a table in the middle with their students sitting a few tables away. I walked over with Sam to get a plate of food and followed him towards the students table where Alex happened to be sitting beside his pretty student. JACKSONS POV I watched as Maddie collected her food alongside Sam, smiling and laughing with him before heading towards his table. "Whys she over there with him?" I asked, absent mindedly eating my sandwich. "Why jealous?" Christina grinned at me triumphantly and I scoffed, glaring at her, "No." Mer chuckled as she slurped on her milkshake. I looked over again to Maddie who was now standing beside Sam's seat, talking to the table of students. "That dude's been flirting with her all morning." I grumbled, chewing on my straw. "Jackson stop being a wimp and just ask her out." Lexie spoke up from across the table. "Urgh no, I've tried before and she ends up inviting one of you guys." I replied, slumping in my seat and shooting daggers in the back of Sam's head. "Well then you just need to clarify it's a date. Maddie's a bit oblivious to stuff like that Jackson." Lexie continued, smiling at my distraught appearance. "What if she doesn't like me back, then i've ruined our friendship completely." I added, miserably picking at my plate.  "Oh grow a pair avery." Christina said, making me roll my eyes at her as Maddie walked over. "Hey guys." She said sweetly, sitting beside me in the empty seat I had saved for her. I grunted in response, intent on picking at my sandwich. "What's up with you?" She asked, nudging me and frowning adorably. I bit into my sandwich and mumbled, "nothin." Maddie shrugged and started chatting with Lexie about the med students and Mark's surgery. I continued to stay in a grump, mulling over how Maddie was gonna reject me when I asked her out later. I was fiddling with the lid of my drink when Maddie whispered to me, "Hey Jackson you okay?" I nodded and continued to listen absent mindedly to Christina complaining. "You sure cos you seem a little sad." Maddie continued, nudging my shoulder with hers. My heart fluttered at her sweet actions and I just nodded, mumbling "I'm fine." Maddie seemed to accept this but placed her blueberry muffin on my tray anyway, knowing it would cheer me up a little. I smiled slightly at her and she grinned back, now trying to make Christina see sense about her Cardio problems. TIME SKIP TO END OF DAY MADDIES POV Everyone was in a bit of a mood now after their review from their med student delivered by the Chief. My review was excellent so I wasnt annoyed but the depressing atmosphere in the residents lounge was starting to get to me. Everyone was already changed but I was still in my pale blue scrubs as Callie had needed my assistance on a surgery 10 minutes ago. I opened my locker before taking my scrub shirt off, placing it on the side and pulling my long sleeved top over my head. I turned around to get my jeans and when I faced back around, jackson was making his way across the room to me. I pulled my scrub pants off and tossed them to the side with my top, yanking on my jeans. Jackson leaned on the locker beside mine as I buttoned up my pants. "What's up?." I said, discarding my scrubs into the bin at the end. I reached into my locker to collect my stuff and looked at the green eyed boy expectantly. "Uh I was urm wondering if you wanted to go uh.. to go to Joe's with me?" He stuttered and I nodded, piling my stuff into my bag and pulling on my coat, "oh yeah sure, I need to talk to Mer about something anyway." Jackson took a step towards me as I closed my locker and put my keys in my pocket. "Urh no not urm not like that." He said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "What?" I said confused, frowning up at him. "Urm like a uh like a date." He continued and I frowned even more, confused as to what the hell he was talking about. "A date with Mer?" I asked puzzled, "Jackson shes marri..." I started but he placed his hands on my shoulders and laughed, making me smile slightly confused. "No a date with me idiot." I instantly felt my face heat up and I felt like an utter dork, "oh." I nervously looked into Jacksons eyes and felt my heart beat rapidly in my chest, "uh yeah, yeah I'd like that." I replied, tucking my hair behind my ear. Jackson grinned at me and I felt a wide smile spread out on my own face, still hot with adrenaline. We stayed grinning at each other and I glanced down to his mouth and back up, scanning his slightly blushing face. Jackson took a step forward, leaning down slightly and I felt the world whoosh around me, all sound and movement blocked out apart from the man in front of me. He stopped an inch away from my face, looking directly at my lips, I could feel his cool breath fanning over me. He looked up into my eyes, his green ones shining. "Can I kiss you?" He breathed out, eyes flicking between my eyes. I nodded slightly, not trusting myself to speak. 

At once, I felt Jackson's plump warm lips press against mine, pushing me back slightly as he cupped my jaw and cheek. My eyes fluttered closed and I relaxed into his kisses, kissing him back softly. I reached behind his neck and hooked my arms over his shoulders, deepening the kiss. I felt his left hand snake down to my waist, brushing under my tshirt and to the waistband of my jeans as he ran his tongue over my bottom lip. I moaned slightly and opened my mouth, letting him slip his tongue in. He brought his hand further round my back, moving his warm hands against the bare skin. I continued to kiss him passionately, feeling the rising temperature in the room. Jackson ran a hand along the front of my waist and his fingers dipped slightly under my jeans waistband. I moaned slightly in response but pulled away, not wanting to get too far ahead of myself. I kept my eyes closed and rested my forehead against his, "I dont want to get carried away." I whispered, breathing heavily. I opened my eyes to see Jackson looking down at me, his green eyes shining. "Let's go." He said, taking my hand in his and placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

[i-choose-liam]

April Come She Will - A TRR AU fanfic

Summary: What if Liam was a commoner, unburdened with propriety and a horde of duties towards an entire country? What if he was born with the freedom he so longed for, and could go for the woman he wanted without a care in the world? If he was free to pursue his passions and desires, what kind of a lover and man he would be? An Alternate Universe fic set in the USA, where Liam, a commoner, meets and falls for a writer, April.

A/N: I hadn’t envisioned this to be a story about friendship, but it’s turning out to be so. And I can’t say I mind. There will be romance, of course (come on, it’s me who’s writing this), and it will be a sort of slow burn in Liam and April’s case. God, I hate those. But writing this is fun! Let me know what you think of this chapter. Thanks!

Tag list: If I have forgotten to put anyone’s url here, please remind me. And if you want off the tag list, all you have to do is let me know. Thanks! @kennaxval​ @thatspicegirlssong​ @lizzybeth1986​ @bowful​ @indescribablechoices​ @femmeshep​ @zaffrenotes​ @hopefulmoonobject​

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x Original Female Character

Rating: T

Characters: Liam, Hana Lee, Maxwell Beaumont, Drake Walker, Original characters, and an adorable golden retriever named Sir Arthur.

Chapter 1: Belle of the Boulevard

Chapter 2: Friends

Chapter 3: Hey Tomorrow

Normally, Drake wouldn't have bothered making fancy breakfast for his two friends. But they had been let down after yet another apartment hunt. Since they were both sleeping the disappointment off, Drake supposed he could make something nice to cheer them up. He was in a pretty good mood... before Maxwell burst into the kitchen with his morning mofo energy. "Drake!" He sighed. "What?" "You're not going to believe what I'm about to tell you!" "Your pigeon buddy won't come to the window anymore?" Maxwell said, "I saw Buckbeak just a while ago. But that's not what I am talking about" Drake put away the broken eggshells, asking, "What are you talking about?" Maxwell said, sounding dystopian, "April is not on any social media" "So?" That appalled Maxwell. He exclaimed, "So it's weird and unnatural!" Drake said, "Hey. I'm not on any social media either" "Exactly my point!" He turned to give Maxwell a reproachful look, but the man was rambling. "I didn't even know her last name until yesterday. But then I picked up Liam's Kindle last night and I saw he was reading lesbian erotica. I was like, um... okay. Whatever rocks your boat. Then I saw the writer's name - April Costas! That's why Liam was reading erotica! So I did a little digging of my own. She's not on any social media sites. Doesn't that bother you?" Drake gently pushed him aside, reaching for powdered sugar. He said, "What bothers me is that you two spent your night snooping on a girl. I can understand Liam doing it, he likes her. But you are being you again" Maxwell grinned, "Sparkling and joyful?" "Nosy and annoying" 

Liam came into the kitchen, greeting them both with a "good morning". He asked Drake, "Need any help with breakfast?" "No, I got it. You and the Daily Mail here can sit at the table" Maxwell received a sympathetic smile from Liam. He sat down next to him, not quite meeting Liam in the eye. "Why are you name-calling him this early in the morning?", Liam asked Drake. He replied, "Why don't you ask him?" "Maxwell?" Maxwell fidgeted with his fingers, replying, "Well, I... I googled April last night" "Okay?" "She's not on any social media" "I didn't know that" Maxwell asked, "You're not mad at me?" Liam smiled, "Why would I be mad? You can google whoever you want" Drake set two plates before them on the table, saying, "If you two ladies are done having a heart to heart, eat up" The plates were piled with golden French toast, with powdered sugar sprinkled on top. Maxwell's face lit up at the sight of the food. "Yum!", he said. Liam smiled at that reaction and turned to Drake, "Thank you, Drake. This is rather nice of you" "Don't get used to it", Drake smiled. Liam cut a piece of toast for himself. His fork and knife were met with some resistance. 'Strange' He had to apply a little pressure to slice the supposedly soft and fluffy toast. Before putting the morsel in his mouth, he glanced at Maxwell. Maxwell gave him a pained look, his jaws moving around the food in his mouth, like giant cogs on an industrial machine. Liam threw caution to the wind and put the piece of French toast in his own mouth. It was... chewy and bland. But he didn't complain. Next to him, Maxwell whispered, "My teeth are starting to hurt" "Sshh" Sadly for them, they hadn't noticed Drake glaring at them from next to the kitchen stove. He scowled. "What? My food isn't fancy enough for you two freeloaders?" They immediately disagreed. Liam said, "No, no. It's lovely" Maxwell nodded, "Yeah. Really... edible" Drake watched him carefully for a moment before turning back to the stove again. Maxwell whispered, "Where's Sir Arthur? He must be hungry" Liam whispered back, "You're not feeding my dog this. Eat" Drake returned to the table, with French toast piled high in two more plates. Maxwell and Liam gave him their best grateful smiles.

***

April dabbed at her mouth with a paper napkin, having just made clean work of her empanadas. Her agent sat across from her in the red chair, matching the theme of the deli. She ignored their piercingly observant gaze and looked around for a waiter. 'Maybe I can get those little pita wraps' Joel said, their voice crisp as cold water, "You're stress-eating again" April made a face. "I'm not!", she said. "Come on, April. Is it really going to be that difficult for you to maintain a social media presence? All writers have to do that" "I know they do. I am just not..." They said, "Comfortable putting my life details out there for everyone to see - heard that before. I'm not asking you to post nudes. Just... maybe one tweet, one pic, one status update every other day" "But Joel..." "Listen", they leaned forward, the cuffs of their coat sleeves revealing slender wrists, "When I take Porcelain Palace to my contacts in Hollywood, they are going to be like, "April who?". You are virtually non-existent. And your silly website where you review people's fanfiction doesn't count" April leaned back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest. Joel went on, despite the look on her face. "This business is as much about image as it is about storytelling. I told you that when you hired me" They gave April a nurturing smile. "I just don't want your work to be sidetracked in Hollywood. Porcelain Palace deserves to be made into a movie. We need that movie in our time. And I am not going to stop until that happens. Are you?" She mumbled, "No" "We agree then. You will sign up on the sites I just emailed you, and start posting" "Urgh" "Don't be dramatic. And stop stuffing your face. You're going to look like a rikishi soon if you keep at this" "I eat what I want. And I already got my 10k footsteps in today, all right?" "Good", Joel placed some dollar bills on the table and got up, buttoning their coat jacket, "I'll see you in exactly one week. Call me if you need me" "Yeah. Thanks" "Anything for my favourite person" Joel leaned over and planted a kiss on the top of her head. April smirked. "Want to tell Shirin you called me that?" They gave her a stunning grin, walking away, "That's the beauty of being in a mature poly relationship. I don't have to worry about jealousy. Good day, April" She raised her hand in half a wave, sighing, and dropping it the moment Joel was out of sight.

Her social skills had been a big joke since kindergarten. Her mistrust of people in general, coupled with a strong sense of privacy, kept her shielded from the allure of "social sharing". But Joel was trying to create an image for her, and they knew what they were talking about. Problem was - it made April feel hungry again. Her phone buzzed. She saw who the text was from and smiled in surprise. 'Hello, April! Not sure if you remember, but you saved me from a horrendous date at the Whiskey Duck? It's Hana' April quickly texted back. 'Of course I remember. It's great to hear from you! How have you been?' She sat in the small deli during lunch hours, typing away letters and emojis to a welcome distraction.

***

Drake was losing to Maxwell in that stupid kart game when his phone buzzed. He ignored it, but it only buzzed again. "Pause", he said. Maxwell grinned, "Nuh-uh. I'm winning" Drake thought he had no option but to end the race. He swore as Maxwell beat him by a hair's breadth. Ignoring his friend's victory break-dance, he checked his phone. 'What the fuck?' He was part of some chat called Whiskey Ducks. The first text had been from a number he didn't know. 'Hi guys, it's Hana! I just thought this would be a fun and convenient way for me to talk to you all at once :D' The next text was from another unfamiliar number. 'Hello. April here. :)' Drake was still making sense of the thing when a third text was sent in the group. This number he did recognise. 'Yoohoo! Its so great to be able to talk to my friends together! Viva la technology! ^_^' The text was followed by a gif of the Minions hugging and saying "Buddies".   "Maxwell!" He nearly jumped on hearing his name. "What?" Drake frowned, showing him the phone screen, "What the hell am I doing in a group text?" Maxwell defended himself, "Hana wanted me to add you and Liam" "IN A GROUP TEX..." The door to Drake's apartment swung open and Liam came in. He closed the door behind him, giving the guys a nod. "Hey", he said. Maxwell quickly turned his attention to Liam. He asked, "How did it go?" "It is affordable, if you don't mind living with rats" "Wait. Cute rats or the creepy ones?" Liam sighed, "Maxwell" He deposited himself on the couch between Drake and Maxwell, much to the latter's relief. Drake was complaining within seconds of Liam's butt hitting the couch. "Look what your precious buddy did. He added us to a group text" "Keep your calm..." "What do you mean 'keep your calm'? He didn't even ask us!" Liam pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering, "I wasn't talking to you" Maxwell took that as encouragement to speak up. He said, "There's no harm done. Hana just wanted to invite all of us to Coney Island" Drake said, "I don't want to go to stupid Coney Island. And how did you get Hana's number anyway?" Maxwell revealed with a happy smile, "I added her on pinterest. She has the coolest boards. Especially her food board. Oh my god"

Liam pulled out his phone from the pocket of his jeans, rubbing his sore temples. The apartment hunt and the current state of his job were enough to fill his head with worry. Drake and Maxwell's constant bickering was just the cherry on top of a steaming pile of crap. "You always do this!" "And you always give me hell about it!" They fought, one on each side of Liam. He could feel a headache coming on. But his entire facial expression transformed on seeing who else was in the group chat. Hana said, 'I wanted to invite you all to Coney Island with me. As a thank you for that evening. It will be super fun, I promise!' April replied, 'You don't have to thank us' 'But I really want to! And it's not like I have any friends in New York to enjoy Coney Island with :3 ' April is typing... 'When do you want to go?' Liam smiled. April was such a knight in shining armour. 'How about tomorrow?', Hana suggested. Maxwell is typing... 'Tomorrow's good for meee! I have nothing to do tomorrow' Liam was surprised to see - Drake is typing... 'Like everyday' Maxwell replied with a sad puppy face gif. April is typing... 'Is it okay if I bring my friend Jenna along?' 'Sure! The more, the merrier', Hana said. Reading Jenna's name, both Liam and Maxwell turned to look at Drake. He tried to seem nonchalant, "What?" Liam shrugged. "Just wondering if you can make it tomorrow. You have a thriving business to attend to, you know. Unlike me and Maxwell, who have nothing to do everyday" "Yeah!", Maxwell grinned. Drake glared at Liam, saying, "Why do you always take his side? I'm your best friend!" Maxwell objected to that. "Hey! We are all best friends!" Their phones buzzed again. Hana asked, 'So guys? Does tomorrow afternoon work for you?' Maxwell replied with an enthusiastic yes. Drake replied, 'Ok' Liam had his eyes on April's name in the group text as he typed, 'Can't wait'

[extremelyaverageincrediblynormal]

I think its time to update this thing with everything that has been going on. A lot of beautiful things have happened the past 6 months, but when i look back, its a supercut of mental breakdowns and self harm. Surprisingly, i havent seriously thought about killing myself, but I am definitely putting a strain on my mental health, and i dont think i saw the signs until i was 4-5 months deep. until i was at the hospital. until i was crying in my work bathroom every day for 5 days. and even then, i still tried to keep telling myself if i give up, i am mentally weak. i still tell myself that know, as i try to get myself out of this situation. so lets explain the situation. I will try my best to go back to may and bring you up to speed.

I started working at this job... lets call it, the hellpit. I started in February, and they agreed to give me time off in april to go to japan. I was pretty happy about that, but i remember about a month and a half in, i seriously considered quitting, and that seemed early. I was annoyed at the lack of organization with the products we were selling, and the extra stress it put on the front of house employees. The job ITSELF wasnt so bad, it was simple tasks that were sometimes fun. But the customers were the worst. This is a private club, so we see the exact same people every single day, and i work in a half grab&go half diner. And we get treated like we are nothing. most of the time, we dont even get a “hi” or “thank you”, but we are required to smile and be polite, tell the customers to have a nice day. One girl got fired because she didnt smile enough and was kind of a quiet person. oops. But then i got my best friend hired, and i started enjoying my days a bit more. Japan gave me some perspective on life and i was running off that energy for about a month. I was also moving at the end of may so that took most of my focus. I was then asked to work in the poolside snack bar/ actual bar. I was excited, it sounded like a fun, fast-paced environment. I feel dissapointed writing that because I was so wrong. It makes me feel sad.

I would be working closer to the actual manager. Now, there is drama going on with that. there was 2 managers, R and C. R had been there for 13 years, had close relationships with the people in my workplace. she was even sister-in-laws with someone there. And then C comes in, and sees that there is a lot wrong with how the cafe is running. she wasnt totally wrong, but she has a large personality and isnt afraid to shit talk people. she came in and tried to change everything, and I dont know exactly what happened behind the scenes but R left on a 3 month stress leave, came back for 3 weeks and quit. If that doesnt tell you something about what it’s like to work along C, ive got more. 

So this poolside hellbox was usually run by some other managers in the club, but C insisted on running it herself, putting her employees in it, etc. it was going to be the best year the poolside hellbox has ever seen. it was small, but it needed at least 3 people to run properly. Sure, it could be slow on cold days, but on hot days, it was a nightmare if there was only 2 people. Because we had to do everything; open, stock all the food, take orders, make orders, and pass them off, and close. it was truly exhausting and our days were always 9-10 hours, no breaks. She also stopped putting 3 people, brought it down to 2, usually 1. it was incredibly stressful. I tried to talk to her about my concerns, and she completely agreed. so i thought things would change. they did not. after some time, i injured my rotator cuff, and that lasted about a week until my entire back seized up and i had to go to the doctor. i was physically burnt out. and she had to work one of my shifts because i was medically ordered to take a break from work. writing this is making my back hurt.... funny how that works. anyways, i came back and she told me about how HARD of a day she had when she had to be in there for 6 hours. I thought to myself, good, she will finally understand. She never did. put me back in it, working 6 days a week, no tips, no breaks, 9 hours. there was a day where the air quality was so bad that my coworker with asthma expressed how ill the smoke makes him feel and that he cant breath, and she made sure he felt guilty for not telling her before hand. and then when we werent even making money that day, she blamed the people upstairs for not making the call to close it. i cant believe it.

the PSH finally closed for the year, but she wanted one more day to make a bunch of money. So there is another key player here. J. J has the title of supervisor but doesnt always act like it. C expresses how she feels about J often, and shes the only one who has the power to do something about it but does she? No. 

So on this day, C is not at the Bad place, so in any other situation, J would be in charge. But C insisted that I text her and listen to what SHE said. and she said she wanted to open the PSH 2 hours early. J said it was too busy and we needed coverage. I listened to J. The fact that we didnt open 2 hours earlier really upset C. she was so mad at J for making that call, and i was upset that i was put in a position where i had no idea who to listen to. 

So that was the day i decided i couldnt be there next summer. I needed to leave before the PSH opened again. 

And since then, there has been a lot of hostility towards me. I remember C telling me that people might not like me because she likes me, and people dont like her. that should have been my first red flag to get the fuck out. I honestly thought she was a woman of her word, and that sticking with her was the right decision. she made me all these empty promises, like i’ll be getting a raise in September, or that she has big plans for me and my career there, or even that we were getting a company-paid night to reward us for all our hard work. and what has unfolded? nothing. 

since then, it has been a series of bullshit. she comes down, yells at everyone and everything thats wrong, comments on how terrible the communication is, and how this doesnt look right, and how stupid everything is and how no one knows how to do their job, “except for you, this isnt directed towards you.” I have a feeling it may not be IN THAT MOMENT, but im sure it has been directed at me at some point. Shes manipulative, and takes advantage of people for her own personal gain, and completely lacks empathy. If it doesnt affect her, why does she care. If someone cant help her, why does she need them. that is her mentality, and she is a psycho. she wants complete control, but does nothing to change anything. She wants people to do certain things, but never tells them. She is by far, the worst manager i have ever had. not to mention she puts out the schedule thursday night-friday for the upcoming monday. so, yes, 3 days in advance. I feel betrayed, i feel disspointed, i feel burnt out. 

She also made a sarcastic remark about how i could “never disappoint her”, which was the last straw for me. That was the day i decided i need to get out of there. 

So, thats whats been going on at work, but behind the scenes, i have been unraveling. My manager has qualities that remind me of my mother, and not in a positive way. it’s very triggering in a way, and when i feel like i have disappointed her, i have the same feeling i would get when my mother would be disappointed in me. when she is completely unsympathetic to me being burnt out, i remember all the times my mom told me to stop feeling sorry for myself when i would cry. so i deal with daily triggers that i have a hard time shaking. there are also some things that go on in that club that really disturb my core values. I am a caring, inclusive person and these people treat us like dirt. I think most people are used to it, i even feel like im less sensitive to it as time goes by. 

But i have been having mental breakdowns at least once a week. they were worse back in june or july, i remember completely trashing my room, throwing my books around and slamming my book case on the ground, and the colapsing and hyperventalating on the ground until my roommate found me. I remember scratching myself until i bled. I remember running to a park and crying in a field. I remember crying on the bathroom floor naked. I remember not being able to get out of bed. i remember punching a wall so hard i almost broke my fingers. this all happened withing 3 months. and after the big explosions came depression and giving up. I cry in the work bathroom often, i dont care about being on time, i dont care about my job, i dont care about my health or being in pain. i am in a constant fog, im exhausted and angry and i have a beautiful partner who loves me so much and i cant feel any of it, because i think i shut down everything so i can make it through the day. I’ve gained weight, i hate my body again, and i feel stuck. i feel ugly, i feel useless, i feel trapped. i need help. i need help getting out of this. i am so exhausted mentally, i do nothing with my day because im too tired. i am so incredibly miserable, i get those depression headaches every single day. I have a surgery coming up that i am not willing to compromise. maybe ill take some extra days off then? look for a job? rest my mind and prepare to job hunt and grind for a job that i might not hate? maybe i should leave now, go work at starbucks, see if i can get the time. maybe i should find a part time job, but will my manager hate me for it? does she already hate me for it? i just want to survive. i just dont want to get to the point where suicide feels like the only option again. I am not there yet, but its on the horizon, and that’s why i am scared.