#and then told me my delusions and hallucinations were real??? to not offend me i guess???

[carmenpeach]

recreation of me trying therapy

[madamhatter]

"Excuse me, but what do you have against cats?" As a cat kwami, Plagg feels offended after hearing that. ( I'm so sorry Soar. )

This quarter’s verifications should be done after I get through the last of this page, and I can send this to mother... 

With an elbow perked against the top of the table, she forces her head up with the palm of her hand to watch the laptop screen. Her other hand, on the mouse,  aimlessly scrolls between the last dozens of pages in her current work and back to the current page. Earthly irises scrutinize the lit-screen, wringing out the last drops of concentration from her already desiccated mind. 

Dark circles were already becoming painfully notable as the bright white light carved out her face's hollowed features. Sudden sleepy spells overwhelmed her, her bob her head before she shot up awake in her seat. From the corner of her eyes, where she could see her desk, she dared to say she saw glimpses of a dark and angled bony hand reaching out towards her at times. Her fingers would twist into her copper hair, twisting and yanking, her teeth gritting as she misread a line (and managed to catch herself) and realized she needed to repeatedly read through the information before it stuck to her. 

Just the tricks of my mind to dissuade me from working, she disregards. My body is just acting up because I refuse to get off-course; it knows better than to be like that, she dismisses. Why have I been doing this much more lately, I’m too told to be acting up like this, she scolds herself.

It seemed that her body seems to be retaliating more and more the older she’d gotten. With age, Sophie assumed, her mind and body would’ve matured. However, she begrudged, it felt that everything well-composed and practiced was losing its sharpness and usefulness with each passing day. 

Though, it seemed that her mind was rebelling in another way. In a way that wasn’t unusual but wasn’t as predominantly common in her adulthood as it was in her childhood. An overactive imagination running amuck...! 

A comically large-headed creature is seated on the corner of her desk. All black and with a seemingly matted body, the four appendages are curved and stubby -- she assumes those are their arms and legs. Sclera all green and iris nonexistent and their two small needle-thin and sharp black pupils watch her.

“...?”

Humoring what she suspects if her mind trying to make out things that aren’t there, she presses her the tips of her index and middle finger to the desk. Her hand ‘walks’ over to the strange creature, who when seated, is shorter than her wrist.

Turning her wrist, it was then time to sate her fascination with the temporary ‘distraction’ that wasn’t at all real. Her index finger nestles on top of the creature’s noggin, briskly rubbing behind their pointed ears.

How fuzzy..! How relentless my mind must be to see this as real--! 

“Is this the only way I can handle cats?” She jokes, half-grimacing and half self-deprecating herself. 

In the most offended voice, the creature talks to her, “Excuse me, but what do you have against cats?"

Sharp exhale through the nostrils. Blank stare ahead. 

“....” Oh Mother Mary and Joseph, this trick of the eye is beginning to venture into hallucination territory. Not only have I’ve begun to return to that, it is now a cat that I am imagining. How cruel of my own mind to play such imagery against me! How mean-spirited must you be to use my own fears? Either way, deep breath and focus. Sophie Hatter, do not lose track of your goals and what’s needed to be done. 

And her hands clap together and away from the creature who outright replied to her. 

“Ah--” 

“Good evening.” The first mistake you’ve made was responding to this delusion, you idiot. “I apologize, but I must resume with my work. I’ll entertain you later. You, and my mind, can continue pestering me when I’m done with what mother needs. If I don’t get to that, the consequences will be ....Well, they’d surely leave a mark.” How melodic of a greeting and goodbye she gives to the ‘figment’ of her mind, breezing over rather horrific details. 

She gives another friendly pat to the top of the creature’s head before she grabs her pen once more. “Off you go now, alright?” 

[carmenpeach]

question should i like idk report my old therapist or something. she insisted i wasnt schizophrenic cause she thought my delusions/ hallucinations were "religious based" despite me telling her that there is no religious basis to any of that and that it in fact is stuff that contradicts my religious beliefs. told her its not actually demons but that i just call them demons for a simpler word of evil beings stalking and trying to kill me etc. she then told me what i was seeing and thinking is real? (in an attempt to not offend me/ my religion despite constantly telling her no its not connected to religion) (she also didnt beleive me she said that but whatever) cause i think she confessed to denying treatment to people. i told her "if this was a religious thing, then i dont think i would be trying to get antipsychotics." and she said "you would be surprised!" after you know. pushing a dusty dsm5 in my face and saying "yes you have all of these, but if its religious then its not psychosis" despite like a lot of people have religious influced/ based delusions and hallucinations. went to a real psych and after an hour was like yeah this is 100% schizophrenia, and ive been on antipsychotics for a while and feel much more normal. but i feel like the old one was using her position (as someone that sends out referrals to real psychiatrists and whatnot) to deny people help if they arent like in the belief its the government stalking them.