#and then today i had to wake up at 5am to send my mom to the airport | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mermaidssonshipss · 5 years ago

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the quiet one

anotha request! hehe this one was cute and i got excited when i read it, so thank you to whoever requested it! sorry it took so long to write it, but ... writers block is a bitch! and work is also a bitch!

warnings: none! bunch of cuteness. some cursing i think.

pairings: jj maybank x reader

word count: 3.2k

For the past three years, every Saturday morning at 8am, JJ Maybank could be found on your property, mowing the lawn to perfection. When he’d turned 18 a year ago and got a real job, he’d quit mowing lawns on Figure 8, but your parents had grown to love him, so they told him if he took every Saturday off to mow their lawn in the morning, they’d pay him what he would earn an entire day at work. What they didn’t know though, was that JJ didn’t plan on leaving them anyway, they were the one family he was happy to continue working for, even if it meant he would have to wake up at 5am to get it done before his actual job.

At around 8:15am, once JJ had gotten everything out and set up and was beginning to work, you would make your way onto the porch, a glass of iced coffee in one hand for you, and an ice cold water bottle in the other for him. You’d offered time and time again to make him an iced coffee, but he’d always declined, saying he felt bad having you make him a drink while he was being paid to fix your lawn. That had never stopped your mom from making him breakfast though, and while he could say no to you, he couldn’t say no to the woman who was paying him.

When he had first started, none of you had any idea what his home-life was like. Your dad had found out first, about a year into him mowing your law, when JJ pulled up one Saturday with a black eye, his chest and abdomen also covered in matching blue and black spots. When you saw him struggling to mow the lawn, clear he was in pain, you ran to your dad and told him, who was quick to go outside and question JJ. At first, JJ tried to play it off, saying he got into a fight with Rafe Cameron the night before, but as your dad had been at the Cameron’s house the night before and had seen Rafe, he knew it was a lie. Eventually, JJ gave in and told your dad everything.

After your dad had shared the information with your mom, she had begun to dote over the boy every Saturday, hence why she had been cooking him breakfast now for the last two years. She would also send him home with food for lunch and dinner for the next two days, and you’d caught your mom sending Luke glares when she ran into him at the market on The Cut you went to often: they had the best peaches on the island.

Though you’d known him for 3 years and shared friendly banter in the mornings when you gave him his water, you tended to shy away from having any actual conversation with him. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him or enjoy his presence, you’d just always been considered the quiet one, and you kept to yourself. You had friends, sure, but none of them truly knew who you were, nor did they ever really care enough to try and find out.

JJ had turned 19 a couple of months ago, and your mom had baked him a cake, your dad giving him an envelope with enough money in it to cover his rent for the next two months. He’d moved out of his dads home and was living in a small apartment on the cut by himself, though you’d heard him complain to your dad that it felt like the pogues never left him alone. You knew he didn’t mean it, as it was clear how much he loved his friends, but the thought of a distressed JJ trying to kick his friends out had made you giggle.

***

“Dude... you’re whipped,” Pope gave JJ a hard pat on the back, shaking his head at the blonde boy in front of him. JJ glared, snatching the wrapped up box from Pope’s hand.

“Shut up, Pope, I’m not whipped.”

“You’re whipped,” John B piped in, and JJ lifted his middle finger up at him, “We’ve had to listen to you sigh over this girl the last 3 years, and you’ve barely even talked to her.”

“We’ve talked!”

“Yeah, when she’s offering to make you an iced coffee and you say no. Which, you’re fucking stupid for by the way. Iced coffee is the shit.”

“I try to talk to her dude. But I just get.. nervous?” He questioned, not sure if that was the correct wording. Girls didn’t make JJ Maybank nervous, but for some reason, you did. “She’s just always so into her books and I don’t wanna disturb her. She’s also the prettiest girl on this island... she isn’t gonna give me the time of day.” JJ huffed, collapsing down onto the couch next to John B, the brunette shaking his head at him.

“Her parents love you, clearly, so that already gives you an advantage. Also, she comes and sits out on the porch every Saturday. And she’s been doing it for 3 years. She’s clearly doing it for a reason,” Pope piped in, swiping a coke out of JJ’s fridge.

“You like her. She clearly goes out of her way to see you so if she doesn’t already like you, she’s close. Just... I don’t know. Be JJ and get her to like you,” John B was useless, JJ had decided, shaking his head as he pushed himself back to his feet and snatched his car keys from the kitchen table.

“Clean up your shit!” JJ called over his shoulder as he took off out the front door, making his way to his car to head to your house.

***

The sun outside fought its way through your thin curtains, the light assaulting your closed eyelids, causing them to flutter open as you turned your face away from the window. You blew out a breath of air before reaching onto your nightstand and snatching your phone. Your notifications were full of texts and social media posts, everyone wishing you a happy birthday, and you smiled for a moment before tossing the phone into your sheets and pulling yourself out of bed.

By the time you had finished showering and thrown on a pair of simple frayed jean short shorts and a green cropped tube top, it was already 8:10am. You huffed, deciding to skip doing your makeup as you tossed your wet hair into a messy bun, your feet moving quickly down the stairs.

As you entered the kitchen, you could hear the lawn mower going off in the backyard, and your eyes wandered to the glass doors that would soon lead you out to JJ. You could see him through the glass, his shirt already off as he pushed the large piece of metal across the grass, sweat forming on his tan skin.

“Quit staring, you’re drooling.” your dads voice snapped you out of your trance, your cheeks turning scarlet as you threw a glare at him.

“I wasn’t staring.” you mumbled, moving around the kitchen as you began to make your iced coffee.

“You totally were,” he laughed, and he went to pat you on the head but you dodged him, throwing a spoon at him as a warning. You’d gotten the bun to look perfect, and you’d be damned if he fucked it up. He raised his hands in surrender before bending down and grabbing the thrown spoon, tossing it into the sink, “Happy birthday, kiddo.”

“Thanks dad,” you smiled, pressing a couple buttons on the Keurig so it would start making your coffee.

“Any plans for today? Besides staring at JJ for the next two hours?”

“I WASN’T STARING!” your voice raised right as JJ shut the lawn mower off, carrying outside through the window that was cracked open. JJ looked towards the glass doors leading into the kitchen, his eyes straining to see inside. He could see your dad bent over laughing, but you had moved so you were hidden behind the fridge. He shrugged, turning the lawn mower back on and getting back to work.

“I will kill you.” you glared, shooing him out of the kitchen as he shot you a wink before disappearing into his home office.

When you were done getting your coffee ready, you grabbed a water bottle and your book that was resting on the island, heading outside to the back porch. Immediately, JJ turned the lawn mower off once more, sending you a bright smile as he made his way over to you to grab the waiting bottle.

“Good morning, y/n,” he said as his fingers wrapped around the cold plastic, grazing your own softly.

“Good morning, JJ.” you replied, sending him a shy smile. That was usually the end of your morning conversation as you would generally move to the swing on the porch to read, but today, JJ kept going.

“It’s your birthday.” he stated, and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“It is.” you had placed your coffee down on the outside table now, watching him curiously. He hesitated for a moment before moving around you and heading to the porch swing you usually sat on, and you watched as he pulled up the pillow and grabbed onto a pink box that had been hidden.You gave him a shy smile as he handed it to you, the apples of his cheeks tinting an intense shade of red.

“It’s stupid so don’t expect anything wonderful but... yeah.” He mumbled out quickly, his hand gripping onto the back of his neck as he looked down at his feet.

“You didn’t have to get me anything at all, JJ.” You took the box from his hands, your own cheeks matching his. You looked up at him, questioning if you could open it, to which he nodded.

As you pulled the wrapping paper off, it revealed a golden toned leather journal with your name engraved in the middle, the quote “I hope she’ll be a fool- that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” underneath it in a beautiful script.

“JJ...” you gasped, your eyes lighting up as you looked at the timid boy in front of you, ”How’d you know that’s my favorite quote?” your eyebrow raised in question as your fingertips delicately traced over the engraving.

“Senior year of high school, your school came to my high school on the cut and my English teacher made everyone go around and say their favorite book and quote. You were the only one who actually had an answer. Then a year or so ago you left a book out lying on the porch swing and when I passed it, I saw that same quote highlighted.” He shrugged as he spoke, brushing off the words, but your heart had been racing the entire time as you fought back a wide smile.

“This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me, and I mean that. Thank you, JJ.” You placed the journal down on the table that was next to you on the porch and lifted yourself up on your tiptoes, wrapping your arms around JJ’s bare shoulders in a hug. He hesitated for a moment, not expecting the physical contact, but he quickly wrapped his own arms around your small waist, breathing in the scent of your orange blossom shampoo.

***

JJ had been at your house everyday for the past two weeks. Your dads car had broken down, and apparently JJ was the only one who could fix it. Your dad was willing to pay very generously for his time, so the shop JJ worked at allowed him to come to your house to take care of it. While your dad was away at work, you’d been given the assignment of hanging out with JJ to “keep an eye on him,” though you knew your dad was just doing it so the two of you would spend more time together. And you did. He’d finally begun accepting your iced coffee offers in the morning, and the two of you would mess around in your kitchen each day cooking lunch, seeing what exactly you could make with all the ingredients in the house. While you’d always found JJ attractive, your feelings for him were definitely blossoming into much more. You’d catch yourself staring off at his lips as he spoke, wondering what the red tinted skin would feel like against yours.

JJ had already had feelings for you before the past two weeks came around, but now that the two of you were actually getting to know each other, he came to the realization that while relationships scared him and he’d always shied away from them, he wanted one with you. If he wanted to analyze his feelings even more, he’d hesitate of course, but he was willing to admit that he was falling for you: he had, actually, when Pope grilled him the night before about the amount of time you two were spending together, and how bright the smile on JJ’s face had been lately.

Currently, JJ was leaning over the hood of your dads car, his jeans covered in oil, and your eyes were transfixed on his bare back, following a few sweat droplets as they trailed down the tan skin. You were sat atop one of the building counters in your garage, your bottom lip caught between your teeth absentmindedly. When JJ turned around abruptly, you snapped your eyes up, sitting up straighter as your cheeks turned red when you noticed the smirk on his face, your fingers gripping onto the edge of the wooden counter in embarrassment. Your eyes were wide, an innocent expression playing on your features, and JJ had to stop himself from laughing.

“It’s not very nice to stare, pretty girl.” He remarked, the nickname he’d recently begun using towards you causing your stomach to stir.

“I wasn’t!” You defended, your eyes squinting into a glare, but as JJ’s chuckle rang through the garage, a smile broke out on your face.

“To be fair,” he spoke, wiping his hands on a towel before discarding it onto the floor as he approached you, “I stare at you quite often. Have for the past 3 years.”

As he spoke, your gaze had shamelessly moved down his torso, but once the words he had said actually registered, your eyes quickly moved back up to his shining blue orbs as they watched you closely.

“Really?” your voice came out as a whisper, disbelief riddled in your tone. JJ had always been someone you saw as unattainable: he’d made his dislike for kooks very clear, and he was also notorious on the island for not being into commitment.

“Does that really come as a surprise?” he’d lowered his voice as he was now stood right in front of you, his hands resting on your thighs gently, and you were finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than the heat from his skin on yours.

“I... well... yeah...” you stuttered out, not really sure what to say or how to explain it.

“While your mom and dad are wonderful people, they aren’t the reason I’ve been mowing your lawn for the past 3 years.” At this point, he’d pushed your thighs apart so he could stand in-between them, his body almost pressed against yours now.

“What’s the reason?” the words were rushed and sounded breathless as his thumbs were now rubbing into the skin of your thighs in slow circles, and you’d missed how his head was dipping down so his face was level with yours.

“You.”

His lips were on yours seconds later, gliding against yours slowly as the cinnamon scented lipgloss you were wearing invaded his tastebuds. His nose bumped with yours softly as you titled your head, your hand coming up to rest on his cheek softly as his arms now wound around your waist, pulling you into his warm body as you leaned into his touch. He had your bottom lip captured between his now, his teeth softly nipping at the skin as he pulled on it lightly before pulling away, and you let out a quiet whine at the absence of his lips on yours, pulling him back down and connecting your lips once again.

This kiss was less timid than the first had been, your teeth clanking together gently as you both pushed to deepen it. His hand was now gripping onto the back of your neck, his fingertips pressing into the delicate skin as your hands rested on his bare chest, finally exploring the skin you’d been dreaming about.

A cough caused the two of you to pull apart, you jumping down from the counter and JJ moving back over to the car, both of your faces reddening as you saw your dad standing there, a knowing smirk on his face.

“Finally. That took longer than I expected.” he began to speak, the smirk turning into a smile, “JJ, join us for dinner tonight?”

“I... uh... sure..?” JJ’s voice was laced with confusion, his heart racing in his chest as he’d expected your dad to scream at him, but his reaction had been the exact opposite.

Your dad simply nodded his head before clapping his hands together, sending the two of you a thumbs up as he left the garage, leaving the both of you standing there in silence until you heard the front door close.

“Did he...” you began, your eyes still trained on where your dad had been standing.

“I think he.. planned on this happening...” JJ finished for you, gazes finally connecting. He had a smile on his face, but you were still confused, and your face was still hot as you thought about the fact that your dad had literally just caught you making out with JJ when you’d been denying you felt anything for him for the past 3 years.

“Hmph.” You hummed after a moment, but a small smile was playing on your now swollen lips. JJ walked back over to you, grabbing your hands in his and lacing your fingers together as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“I know I’m not known for relationships and shit,” he started, squeezing your hands as you looked up at him, hope filling your eyes, “But I think it’s just because by the time I was old enough to really want one, you’d come into my life, and I couldn’t get you off my mind. No one was you. No one made me feel the way you did, and half the time we only said a few words to each other and the rest of our time together was me staring at you while you read, and I still felt like a fucking 10 year old with his first crush. I want to do this, but I want to do this with you, and only you. And I’d also like to say that Pope helped me rehearse this, because I’m shit with feelings and probably would’ve ended up calling you dude at some point and ruining everything.” You laughed loudly as he finished and he sent you a shy smile, causing you to shake your head in disbelief before moving onto your tiptoes and pressing a gentle kiss against his rough lips, pulling away before he could deepen it.

“I’d like to do this with you, too.... dude.”

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #rudy pankow x reader #outer banks imagine

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tumbler-tidbits · 5 years ago

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Bunker Bunch-Ch. 13 Uncle Sammy Sandman

@spnbromentbingo square filled: Help a Brother Out (favor)

Pairing: Dean x Reader mentioned. Sam and Original Characters- JD(Shaggy), Bobby(Crash), JR(Champ/Bud), & Charlie(Peanut/Sweet Pea)

Warnings: Sweet, sweet fluff!

Summary: Sam decides to let his big brother and sister in law get some much needed sleep, and enlists his sons to help him watch the twins.

5am the next morning Sam was up and showered after his morning run. His boys are just starting to wake up too, ever the early birds like their father. So while they’re busy brushing their teeth Sam sneaks off to the nursery.

Once he reaches the door, he puts his ear up to it but doesn’t hear any noise coming from inside. Carefully he pushes the door open and the room really hasn’t changed much since last night.

Slowing sneaking his way into the room, Sam smiles down at his niece and nephew who are happily cooing in their crib,

“Well you two look like your feeling much better” he whispers softly, “ Goodmorning Sweetpea” he says as he gently lifts Charlie and cradles her in his left arm, “Hiya Champ” is whispered to Johnny as Sam scoops him up with his right arm. He looks down at the pair as he heads out of the nursery,

“What do you two say we let mom and dad get some sleep huh?”

Sam makes his way to the kitchen where his own boys are perched at the table waiting for breakfast.

“Hey boys, do you want to help me with a very special job today?” He asks with a grin. The boys nod enthusiastically at their father while he places the twins in their individual rockers.

“Daddy why you have da babies? Wheas Unca Dean an Auntie Y/N?” asks Bobby, Sams 2 year old son

“Well Buddy that’s the special job I need your help with. We are going to watch Charlie and Johnny so Uncle Dean and Aunt Y/N can get some sleep”

JD, Sam’s 4 year old son is next to jump in with a question , “But it’s already morning time, why didn’t they sleep last night Daddy?”

“They tried Shaggy, but new babies don’t know when it’s nighttime or daytime, they just cry when they are hungry or need their diapers changed, so the parents don’t get very much sleep” Sam answered.

As if on que a not so pleasant smell fills the room. Bobby and JD’s faces screw up tight in disgust, eyes going comically wide,

“Imb nod changin diapers!” JD muffles out under his pinched nose, head shaking back and forth vigorously. Sam barks out a laugh at the comical sight,

“No worries kiddo, I’ll handle the diaper changes. Can you run to the bathroom and get me the diapers and wipes?”

“Ok” the boys sing in unison and take off running down the bunkers hall, the sound of tiny socked feet echoing through the space.

Sam smiles and makes his way to the fridge, extracting two bags of breast milk he quickly fills the bottles and sets them in the warmer. When the boys return, their cheerios and bananas are waiting for them at the table, and Sam changes the twins while the boys eat.

By now the babies are getting a bit restless, no doubt wondering where their breakfast is.

“How can we help now Daddy?” asks JD as he swallows his last bite of food. Sam gently reminds him not to talk with his mouth full then asks,

“Would you like to feed them?”

Bobby gasps in awe, his two year old brain unable to fathom that he would get a job so important,

“Really Daddy? We can feed them?”

“Of course Buddy, your both big boys I know you can do it, what do you think?”

They nod their heads and a huge grin lights up their faces when he hands them each a bottle. Sam scoops up the twins and beckons his boys to follow him to the living room, or as Dean would call it ‘The Dean cave’.

Sam sets his boys up on either side of the couch with a nursing pillow on their lap to help support the babies. He gives baby Johnny to his Johnny (Shaggy) and then places Charlie in Bobby’s lap.

Then Sam sits in between them to supervise while his sons feed his niece and nephew.

The boys talk softly to their baby cousins and Sam can’t help the swell of love in his chest at the sight. This is a moment he could have never even dreamed of and yet, here he is.

He slips his phone from his pocket and snaps some photos-the girls will want to add this to the family photo album.

The twins start to fuss, so Sam retrieves them and lays them face down with his arm bracing their chests. Thankfully his arms are long so he has been dubbed the master of the ‘double burp’.

JD and Bobby have lost some of their patience after sitting through a feeding, so they hop off the couch and run to the playroom (which is thankfully still in Sams sight).

After a hearty burp, another diaper change, and a pacifier hunt- the twins are now swaddled and sound asleep in the portable bassinet.

The sudden sound of bickering toddlers fills the room and Sam turns in time to see Crash pulling Shaggys hair, and shaggy retaliating by shoving his brother. Sam sighs, his boys have been fighting a lot lately, it’s always an adjustment when a new baby arrives-let alone two. He stands from where he was seated on the couch, and walks over to his children. He crouches down to their level and gets their attention,

“Robert Samuel we do not pull hair! And Johnathon Dean it is not alright to shove your brother!” He says in a calm but stern voice. “I think you both need a timeout to think about your behavior”

“But daddy! He started it!” Shaggy says in outrage, pointing a finger at his little brother. “he pulled my hair!”

“NO! HE started it! Daddy he took my car! An, an he pusheded me!” Crash responds.

“It sounds to me like you both made some mistakes and should have made better choices, and I think a timeout will help you think about it.”

Sam leads each pouty faced boy to separate corners of the room, and sets his watch.

“3 minutes in timeout boys, and no talking”.

He leaves the living room and heads to the kitchen, the twins will be ready for another bottle soon and 3 minutes is just enough time to get them prepared.

After their timeouts the boys continue playing- albeit with bickering, but at least they are getting physical, Sam thinks ruefully. The twins are freshly fed and changed (again) and happily staring at the brightly colored toys dangling from the play mat.

It’s around 9am when Dean shuffles into the living room, sleepy eyed and hair all askew with a steaming mug of coffee. He yawns loudly and takes in the room,

“So your the one who kidnapped my kids” he teases

“Right, kidnapped. Whatever you say Dean” Sam replies amused.

“Sam I told you last night…”

“You didn’t ask for help Dean, I chose to help and let you and Y/N get some much needed sleep. You both were dead on your feet. Plus I had some help” he says gesturing to his two boys.

“Oh God! You let those heathens near my children!” Dean gasps in feigned abhorrence.

“Sure did! And look they’re doing just fine”

“They better be Bitch! Or I’ll kick your ass!”

“Kick your ass” Crash echoes from across the room.

Sam sends Dean and deadly glare, “Thanks Jerk! Eileen’s gonna be thrilled with that!”

“Sure thing Sammy!” Dean smirks, sitting down onto the couch, “glad I could help”

END

Tidbits Taglist: @idreamofplaid @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @pisces-cutie @covered-byroses @currentlyfangirling99 @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @xxhalfbloodprincessxx @supernaturalsammy01 @sammyimpala-67 @ladywinchester1967 @sweetiepie-dean @fangirl-forevers-world @thoughtslikeaminefield @bobasheebaby @evansrogerskitten @missjenniferb @sculptorofbeginnings @kbl1313 @spnskinnyballs @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @justcallmeasmodeus @ain-t-bovvered @getnaildbyme @akshi8278 @rebelminxy @a-mess-of-many-fandoms @fandom-princess-forevermore @unabashedsoul97 @dawnie1988 @flamencodiva @deanwinchesterswitch @adoptdontshoppets @princessmisery666

#supernatural #tumbler-tidbits #sam winchester #the bunker bunch

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whysperingwoods · 6 years ago

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My mom’s phone has been doing this thing for months where every time she plugs it in to charge, it goes berserk and starts selecting random things, calling people, opening apps, etc. Usually if she switches off the screen it’s fine and it stops, but last night for some reason it started calling me at 4AM.

I’m usually up at that time anyway so it was fine, but I answered and the other end of the line was just dead air. I was like okay whatever, because I know her phone does this weird thing, so I hang up but it keeps calling me back. So I start to get worried and thinking maybe something is wrong, like what if something is going on and she’s actually in trouble (she lives alone). I try to call her back and it doesn’t answer. I tell myself okay, it’s just her phone being weird... so I drop it, and I don’t get any calls back.

Then about at hour later, I get another call from her. I pick up again, still dead air on the other line. I’m straining to try and listen if there’s anything at all like breathing or rustling or any kind of indication that there’s something happening, but I can’t hear anything. I text her and call her back because I figure if she is asleep at some point, she’ll hear it ringing and it will at least wake her up and she can tell me if everything is okay but no answer.

I’m in between debating if I should be worried or if this is just her fucked up phone issues when I get a text from her: “Je suis indisponible..” (I am unavailable..” Just like that, TWO dots, not three. First of all, my mom would never write that. It’s too formal. I think to myself okay, maybe this is her phone being weird again and it sent one of those pre-made texts. But then I look again. TWO DOTS. Two dots. Not three, two. If it was pre-made, it would have used the proper THREE dots for an ellipses or, more likely, just one dot. So in my tiny brain that is not suited for maths I’m trying to calculate the probability of her phone ACCIDENTALLY calling me so many times and then ACCIDENTALLY sending me a text and then ACCIDENTALLY either erasing one dot, or adding a second dot. I come to the very precise result of: not super likely.

Enter panic mode. Something is going on. She’s not okay, she’s probably got an attacked there who maybe has even sent that last message trying to pose as her or something. Maybe he noticed she was trying to call me and is now trying to stop me from worrying about her. But what an IDIOT what a COMPLETE FOOL who is “unavailable” at 5AM??

I keep trying to call her while also messaging my aunt on Facebook (because I’m a terrible son and don’t have her phone number) to drive to my mom’s place and check on her. At the same time I have another tab open trying to figure out how to call police in a different city, because I’m pretty sure calling 911 would route to my city and I live 2h away, right?? While I’m calling her I get an email, from my mom, totally empty with just the subject “Mo”.

Mo? Who the fuck is Mo??

I’m staring at the email, running through the names of everyone we know. This is obviously the name of her attacker. My mom does online dating, so I’m trying to think of a way to get into her profile to see if there have been any creepy messages lately. She is terrible at passwords, it’s going to be either my birthday, my brother’s birthday, or the name of her old dog. There was one guy who harassed her for like a year and was calling her sister and being a huge creep until she finally told me about it and I showed her how to block people on social media, I’m scouring my brain trying to remember his name...

My phone starts to ring again. My mom is calling me. I answer again, straining to hear through the dead air ANYTHING to indicate there is life in the room beyond. I hear a raspy “Hello?” and I say “Mom? Are you okay?”

She tells me she’s fine, but she sounds super weird. I ask her if there’s anyone there with her, and she says no. I’m still trying to hear for anything in the background, another voice or something, but it’s quiet. She asks me why I called and I tell her she called me first, tell her about the text and the email. The more I talk to her, the more I realize... she’s half asleep. She is not injured, not kidnapped, she’s in fucking bed safe and sound and groggy. She gasps and says “oh my god”, my heart stops for a second, and she whispers “the cat is sleeping on my bed!” and I’m like... okay mom, go back to sleep. She just got her first cat and has been waiting a month for her to cuddle on the bed... sighs.

I talked to my mom again later in the day when I came back from my training thing, and she DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER TALKING TO ME. I had to tell her again about the calls, the texts, the emails, etc, and she was like “huh I guess I should get a new phone soon.” I told her not soon, tomorrow!! And she didn’t seem to grasp the importance until I said imagine if your phone had picked your boss instead of your favourite son to harass, and then she said she would go get a new phone today... smh. Some people’s kids, man.

#this woman is going to give me a heart attack one day #this is what i get for jumpscaring her when i was a teen #personal

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buckyscrystalqueen · 7 years ago

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I Can’t: Part 2

Pairings: Seb Stan x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety, introvert stuff… angst. IDK I’m bad at this kinda thing. Fluff & swearing as usual.

Word Count: 2,330

A/N: Looks like we got another one shot turned mini-series. Enjoy & Thank @magpiegirl80 for the adorable derp photo of her dog, Ollie & send love to my pups, Lucy and Skye!!!

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took two weeks of denial before you saved his phone number and two weeks more of staring at it at least ten times a day before you got the nerve to even consider texting him back. The process of actually sending that text took at least a month and a half because you knew once you did… you were opening Pandora’s box.

‘Hi… so I guess I’m your soul…’ *delete*

‘So we’re soulmates… I guess.’ *delete*

‘I’m sorry to break it to you but I can’t…’ *delete*

‘I don’t know what you want from me…’ *delete*

‘I don’t think I can handle being in the spotlight…’ *delete*

‘Hi…’ *Send*

You sat nervously in your spot on the couch in your living room, staring at the iMessage screen on your laptop, regretting hitting send severely. It was only a few moments before the three dots of doom appeared in the bottom left hand corner.

‘Hi, sweetheart. How are you today?’

You couldn’t stop the small smile that pulled at the corner of your lips as you moved your hands from where you were clutching them together under your chin and set them lightly on your laptop as if it were going to burn you for doing so.

‘Scared.’

You responded truthfully. Your head reeled as you tried to come up with just what you wanted to say but the three dots appeared once more before you could.

‘That’s perfectly understandable, (Y/N). It’s an intimidating situation.’

You nodded in agreement as you curled your hands under your chin again and bit your lip while the dots continued.

‘How about we take this slow because trust me, I have just as much anxiety about this as you do.’

You huffed a humorless laugh and shook your head as you wrote your response.

‘I doubt that. Did you stay curled up in your bed for three day watching reruns of Sex and the City?’

The moment you hit send, you wanted to melt into a hole at what you just confessed to Sebastian freaking Stan.

‘You got me there.’

‘But I did eat a whole pizza in like an hour if that helps at all.’

You smiled fully and nodded.

‘It does. I turn to Ben and Jerry’s myself.’

‘What’s your go-to flavor?’

You bit you started to actually chew on your lip as you glanced over your computer screen to think for a moment.

‘B&J would be Half Baked but hands down, cookie dough is my favorite.’

‘Cookie dough!!!!! I love cookie dough! But my B&J flavor would be Chunky Monkey. It’s addictive.’

You giggled as you quickly looked up the unfamiliar to you flavor and scrunched your nose at the ingredients listing.

‘Eww walnuts! I can do everything else about that but the walnuts.’

There was a few moments of hesitation before the dots appeared again.

‘I could totally insert a ‘nuts’ joke right now but I’ll refrain out of respect. LOL.’

You giggled at your screen and choose to let your inappropriate side stay hidden for now.

‘I’ll let it slide. But trust me when I say I’m far from appropriate usually. My mom gets on me about it all the time. Especially the amount of times I say ‘fuck’ in a single sentence. I make Negan from Walking Dead look like an alter boy with my mouth.’

Once you hit send, you closed your eyes and groaned.

‘Well it is a very versatile word. I’m a big fan of it’s many forms.’

He responded and you could almost see his smirk in your mind. You couldn’t help yourself with your response.

‘Oh, I bet you do! LMAO’

‘But you’re not alone there, hun.’

‘There it is! Hahaha! Ahhh, I love it!’

You smiled and crossed your legs under your laptop on the couch as the three dots appeared once more.

‘Hey, I’m really, really sorry to cut this short but I have a thing here in a few minutes so I have to go.’

Your smile instantly dropped.

‘Oh! Right, famous actor. Right.’

His response was instantaneous.

‘Hey, I don’t want you to think of me like that, sweetheart. You’ll overwhelm yourself. I’m just a regular guy that has the same fears, anxiety, and hesitation about this situation as you do. Finding your soulmate is a huge, life changing step. But at the end of the day, no matter how much I want this, you still have the option to walk away. I hope you don’t. I really, really hope you give this a chance. But if you look at this with me being famous, I have a gut feeling that you’ll pull away from me before you give us a chance. And I know it’s hard to wrap your head around being in the spot light with anxiety. It’s hard to do anything with anxiety and I get that. But try to stay calm for me, OK? Please, (Y/N)?’

You read through his message twice before nodding your head slowly.

‘OK.’

‘OK. If it’s OK with you, I’m gunna text you later tonight when I get done with my thing. Sound good?’

You nodded again as if he could see you as you wrote out your response.

‘That’s fine. I’ll do my best not to psych myself out too much.’

‘That’s all I can ask from you, sweetheart. I’ll talk to you later.’

You waited a few minutes, staring at your computer screen before looking up at your front door when your mom walked in.

“I texted him.” You said simply as she set her bag down by the front door.

“Good for you.” She responded with a smile as she flopped down on her couch with a sigh after a long day at work. “I’m proud of you for taking that step.” You nodded in agreement as you looked back at your laptop screen and scrolled to the tops of the messages to read them over once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, you’re the luckiest girl in the world.” Your Tumblr friend, Christine said on a Face Time call the next morning. “I’d kill to have a soulmate with that body. I’m just stuck with JP… Oi! Don’t hit!” She said as her fiancé hit her in the back of the head with a pillow.

“It’s just weird.” You said as you glanced over at the horror movie you had on as background noise. “Like, of all the fucking people in the whole world, a freaking actor is my soul mate.” You looked back at her with a shrug. “Like really? I feel like the most unlucky person in history here.”

“Bullshit.” She snapped back. “How are you unlucky?”

“Christine, it’s me! I’m awkward and loud and I say inappropriate shit all the time. How the fucking fuck am I supposed to date an actor, huh? I’d embarrass him right off the edge of the map!”

“Don’t be a dick. He obviously is fuckin’ in to ya if he’s taking time out of his busy schedule ta see how you are. So put your big girl pants on and accept that the famous actor is your soulmate, you lucky cunt and let him get to know you!” A smile pulled at the corner of your lips as you looked away from the screen.

“I’m lucky as fuck, aren’t I?” You asked as you looked back at her.

“Hell yea you are! So don’t go fuckin’ ruinin’ it by runnin’ around in your head so I can live vicariously through you.”

“Alright, alright!” You conceded. “Sorry UK hubby. I’m divorcing you!” You called out teasingly at JP.

“I want half your shite!” He yelled back causing you and your friend to laugh.

“OK, so now what?” You asked as you made yourself comfortable in your spot and muted the woman screaming on your TV. “What do I do now?”

“Well he said last night ta text him when you got up, right?”

“Yea…”

“Well you’ve been up least an hour since ye actually have clothes on…”

“Shut up.” You laughed but she continued over you.

“So text him. Stay casual…”

“And say what?”

“Say ‘hi’, ya bell end!”

“You’re a horrible friend, do you know that?” You joked.

“I know.” She said with a shrug as she picked up her long haired Jack Russel terrier, Ollie and held him up beside her face. “Do it for Ollie.”

“Rude.” You replied flatly as you waved at her. “Alright, I’ll call you later.” She waved back and said bye as you hung up the video call. You groaned to yourself and leaned back against the back of your seat as you scrubbed the heels of your palms from your hairline down to your chin. “Alright, fine.” You said aloud to your own dogs as you pulled up your iMessage app. “I’ll text him.”

‘Morning’

As you waited for his response, you turned the volume of your movie back on. You watched for a few moments before your laptop ‘dinged’.

‘It’s almost 11. If you are just waking up, I am royally jealous. I’ve been up and at the gym since 5am.’

‘Oh, hell no! I protest for you. The only exercise I do is walking my dogs around the neighborhood and whatever exercise I get at work walking clients up and down hallways.’

You turned down the volume of your laptop so it wouldn’t be annoyingly loud as the three dots popped up again.

‘1) what kind of dogs? And 2) what kinda work?’

You smiled as you grabbed your cell phone off the pillow beside you and pulled up your photos with a smile. You quickly found your favorite photo of your pups sent it to him before going back to type on your laptop.

‘Lucy is the white one. She’s a soft coated Wheaton terrier. Skye is the black one Lucy is sitting on. She’s a rescue so we don’t know exactly what she is but we say she’s a Havanese because that’s what she looks like.’

‘And I’m a CNA which is basically an under appreciated, under paid babysitter for the elderly. I work about thirty hours a week right now. Helps my mom pays bills as best as I can.’

‘OMG those are the cutest damn dogs in the entire world! I’m jealous. I miss being able to have a dog but I travel too much. And good for you on the job. I bet it’s tough to work with the elderly and not get the appreciation other nurses get.’

You nodded in agreement as you responded.

‘It takes a special kinda person to do my job. I hate it so much usually. But when I’m almost at the point where I want to throw my hands up and quit, a client or a family member makes it worth my while again.’

‘Well I’m proud of you, sweetheart. Even if no one else is. I am.’

You smirked at your screen as you took a sip of your coffee and set it down on the table beside you.

‘You have to be. You’re my soulmate, remember?’

‘Hey! I’m trying to be supportive here. You’re killin’ me, Smalls.’

You let out a barked laugh as you found the gif you had saved in a file for Tumblr.

‘For-ev-er.’

You smiled proudly at yourself as Seb responded.

‘I’m crying tears of joy that you got that reference. I’ve said it before and people just looked at me like I was more crazy than I actually am.’

‘I have classic tastes, IDK what to say. I can’t tell you how many times I have referenced ‘classic’ movies on Tumblr for it to just go right over half my followers heads. Like what is this from?’

You pulled up your file of ‘Pics & Gifs’ and scrolled through to find the one you wanted.

‘Well that one’s just too easy. The Big Lebowski, obviously.’

‘Yea for us old folks. Bet your ass 75% of the population under 25 have no idea what movie that’s from.’

‘Well now that’s just… that’s just sad.’

You nodded in agreement and sighed.

‘You have no freaking idea.’

It took a few minutes for him to respond again and you almost forgot you were texting him when he sent you another gif.

‘Name the film.’

You scoffed loudly and shook your head.

‘Really? You’re gunna try to trip me up on a Tarantino flick? He’s one of my faves and that’s ‘Four Rooms’. Try again, Seb.’

The two of you went back and forth for nearly three hours sending the most obscure movie gifs you could find; everything from ‘Airplane’ to ‘BASEketball’. Most of them you had both seen but there where a couple that either you or he hadn’t and Seb said he was starting a lit of movies you both needed to see eventually. Before you knew it, your mom was getting home for her between cases nap and your head whipped up toward the clock.

“Damn, is it really three?” She nodded as your laptop ‘dinged’ with another text.

“Hi Christine.” She said as she set her purse down on the coffee table on her way out to the back porch for a smoke.

“Not Christine.” You responded as you guessed ‘Office Space’ correctly. She stopped by the sliding glass door with her eye brows arched.

“Sebastian?” You smirked and nodded as you sent a gif from ‘Wet Hot American Summer’. “Good for you. I’m proud of you.”

“Stop.” You laughed as you mentally cheered for your soulmate for getting the right answer. “I’m just making a new friend right now. Don’t go ordering wedding invitations.” You looked over at her as she held her hands up in surrender.

“Didn’t say anything.” She claimed on her way out back. “Just glad you’re making friends again.” You grumbled at her to shut up under your breath as you pulled up yet another gif and sent it off to him.

Part 3

#Seb Stan x Reader #Sebastian Stan x Reader #I Can't

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starsfadingbutilingeron · 6 years ago

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me venting about this day under the cut because it was terrible and i was/am so stressed

god okay so it all started sunday morning i wake up and my mom and i try to go to our local bakery because i’m going to a philosophy meeting and i thought it’d be nice to bring cookies or something. we both forget the bakery has been recently renovated and since it’s a famous local thing it’s crowded as fuck. there is a line out the door. so i don’t want to wait b/c it’s stupid to wait that long for cookies so we leave. then i go back up to my school campus, get back just in time for the philosophy thing, and that’s fine and great and i had a good time. then i have to go to work at the library until midnight with a woman who prattles on without stopping for breath (and who’s a trump supporter so i never want to talk to her but i can’t just say that b/c she’s my supervisor and blah blah blah) ANYWAYS i get back to my dorm at midnight and stay up watching - get this - the green inferno for whatever reason. go to bed at 2am. which is. my fault. but then i wake up at 5am this morning because i’m so stressed about this form i gotta submit for my internship and idk what i’m really supposed to do so i gotta wait until they place is open to call and ask. but then i fall back asleep and when i wake up i gotta run to class. then i get out of class and decided to do my homework for the afternoon and then do this fucking form b/c i don’t want hw hanging over my head while i’m trying to fiddle with printers and bureaucracy and all that shit. but then i get done w/ my hw and i still gotta call this place so i do that. by the time i get done on the phone it’s time to go to my afternoon class okay. and then i get out of that class and my one friend wants to talk dnd for a while (which didn’t bother me! i miss talking about dnd it was nice.) but then it’s almost 6pm by the time i’m done talking to her so i go to the library bc i gotta use their scanner bc i dont have one. but then i’m fillin out this form and i need info off documents that are back in my room. so i gotta run tf back to my room to fill this form out. run back to the library. and then i try to use the one xerox machine (because the other one is out of order bc fucking education majors keep running off like 300 pages at a time) but the one machine that’s working doesn’t scan to e-mail so i’m like. oh fuck. but then the cda comes over and is like. you can just scan it to a flashdrive. i say great!! so we do that and then i take it to one of the public computers to try and e-mail it to myself that way. and the flash drive won’t pull up on that computer! so i take it to the cda. she pulls it up on her computer. e-mails the pdf to me. (god bless her for doing all this 4real). then i gotta run back to my room to use my laptop because i left it there to charge and i didn’t want to submit this form on a public computer. i finally send this fucking this at 7pm. and now i gotta go to work in an hour and a half and i haven’t worked on my thesis at all today even though i told myself i would but i!!! didn’t!! have! time!!!!!

i’m stressed

#beth says #vent post #oh my god #i didn't realize how hectic my day was until i typed it all out like that

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kuromitos · 4 years ago

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My writing excerpt #1

suddenly wants to post my random writing on here for other to judge my writing skills and cliché stories ideas. these stories are from the same story line, i just cant write them in order.

Housemates

April 1 5:00 am , Fujisawa

*Brinnnggg*

mmm….too early…ten more minutes for sleep please

“Sumiko!! Get up! You’re going to miss the bullet train!”

Bullet train? What bullet train?

The young girl eyes open and close a couple of time to get her eyesight less fuzzy and the first thing she see is the calendar on her wall with today’s date circled and writing on it.

What does that say?

First day of school! Bullet train leaves at 6:30! Don’t sleep in!

School....Wait.

“I’m going to be late for school!” In a state of panic, Sumiko throw off her covers and immediately goes to the bathroom to wash my face. “ Dad! Why didn’t you wake me up?” “ Are you serious?! I did! Multiple times! Not my fault you didn’t hear me!” “I’m going to miss the bullet train because of this, Dad! I still got to walk Souta!” She yells at dad while running to the bathroom so she can go brush her teeth and comb her hair into a somewhat suitable state at the same time, which is not easy as it seems. When it was all finish, she ran straight back into her room to change into her new school uniform while screaming at her father, who was currently making breakfast for the rest of the family. “Dad!! Is my lunch ready yet? My breakfast too?” “YES, AND YES!!!” “ NOT TOO LOUD! MA AND SOUTA ARE STILL SLEEPING” “too late, sis”

Sumiko turn her head to see her little brother Souta , with bedhead and sleep still in his eyes, standing in her doorway. “oh…sorry Sou. Good morning.” “mm, morning” Souta said while walking into his sister’s room and sit on her bed while still trying to rub the sleepiness from his eyes. “Still sleepy there, little bro?” Sumiko ask him as she finish buttoning up her freshly brought school blazer. “I’m awake at 5am when I’m usually still sleeping. How am I not still sleepy? ” he responds to me while trying to fix his bedhead in my mirror. *giggle* “ if you’re so sleepy, why don’t you go back to sleep then?” while checking my uniform in the mirror, I notice Souta glaring at me thru it. he looks at me like I am asking him the dumbest question ever. “If I do that then I won’t see you again. I’m staying up to give you a proper send off.” I stopped fixing my school ribbon and turn my head towards Souta. I walk over to him and starts fixing his hair for him because it still looks like he just woke up even with him fixing it earlier. “You do realize I’m just going to school in Tokyo, I’m not leaving forever. I’ll still be here for holidays and things.” “Yeah but…... I want you to be here all the time. not just for the holidays.” I stop fixing his hair to look my baby brother in the face, his sad little face that trying not to cry in front of me just to show he’s strong. “Souta-“ “When you left to be with Nana for middle school, I missed you so much. It felt weird not having you around the house. Not Helping me with homework, not waking me up when I sleep in or tucking me back in bed when I have a nightmare. now you must leave us again, this time even longer.” He said to me trying his every best not to cry. Pupil Bend down on her knees so she could be at face value too her little brother. “listen to me Souta, I know I'm gonna be away from you guys for a long time, but you have to remember that I'm still goanna be your big sister no matter how far away I am. So, can you do me a favor and look after mom and dad for me while I'm gone? If it weren't for us this house will be in shambles so you going to make sure to keep the fort down, OK? “ Sumiko tells him while patting his head in fixing his bed head.

Hearing his sister kind gentle words and feeling her hand slowly touch his head he snapped out of his sleepiness and it gave her a bright smile, a smile similar to the one he gives her whenever she calls him by his little nickname, and nodded his head rapidly too say that he approved of what she said and that he will manage the house while she's gone. “Now go get ready I have to walk you to school remember.” Order his older sister as she looks at her full-length mirror and check her uniform once more. nodding his head and runs out of his sisters room straight to his bedroom, Souta leaves without closing the door.

Now alone with her thoughts, she had to realize about how she really have been away from her family for a long time and she is leaving them again. she starts about thinking about the fact that when she leaves for Tokyo she's going to miss her small ocean town that's full of messy book fishing boats and small family businesses all around; how she's going to miss scent of the salty sea air that she used to smell every day on her morning walk and how she going to miss seeing her two best friends walk home with her every day. but now she hears her father screaming once more tell her to get ready and come down for breakfast checking her out but once more making sure if he's in place while grabbing her school bag she looks back at her bedroom reminiscing about how it might looking compared to the dorms. With a semi cheerful look on her face she thinks to herself “I'm ready here comes a new school year.”

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #writing #original work #original writing

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sammyhale · 8 years ago

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J2 JIBCon 2017 Panel

*Warning for s13 spoilers

J2 were stuck on a plane (Jared: a car then a plane. Jensen: then a train...*boys laugh* there wasn’t a train) so they weren’t able to watch the finale.

Boys ask what the fans thought of the finale. A fan yells out that episode 22 was awesome. Jared: “Guys, it’s Supernatural, people can come back.”

A fan yells out about Cas. Jensen: Cas? Who?

Jensen: Who all died? Let’s list them. Cas, Crowley, Rowena, Kelly, Ketch. Jared is running out of fingers. Jensen: It was like the Red Wedding! “Little Game of Thrones reference for you guys.”

Jared starts playing with the holes in Jensen’s pants on his knees. Jensen: Don’t touch the hole in my knees! Jared laughs saying that Jensen only saw the back of the pants and didn’t realize the holes were there. Jensen laughs and says he really didn’t know. Just saw black pants in his size and grabbed them without inspecting. “I paid for this...” Only realized when he put them on. Jared keeps playing with them lol.

J2 talk about a Supernatural movie. Jared asks Jensen if he wants to do a movie. Jensen says he would rather do a shortened season. Like a “six episode release.” Jared starts giggling at “release” (quickly turns dirty) hiding his face. Jensen: Leave it alone. Leave it alone. That’s low hanging fruit. Just walk away.

Jared would also rather do a shortened TV season rather than a movie.

Jensen said that one of their produces had an idea where the brothers wake up in a different place than they’re familiar with (AU) and all of the people in the town are old cast members or old characters but “weird” like not who they were on the show. Like the Trickster is the mayor, etc.

Jared says there are times when he wishes they can delve into something for more than one episode. He likes the idea of doing a shortened season like Jensen said because they could have one arc, a specific location or city, etc, that the boys could delve into specifically for a few episodes and being focused on one thing for a long time during the shorter season.

Jensen: And this is why we don’t write the show. Jared laughs.

Jared plays with his mic for a few seconds after it makes a loud noise.

Jensen, repeating a fan’s question: What TV shows would you like to see Sam and Dean thrust into *boys giggle*

The question was what show would they liked the boys to be in if there was another episode like Changing Channels? Jared says The Simpsons, then brings up the crossover Supernatural is doing with Jared: Scooby-Doo. He says they already recorded the dialogue for it (it takes time to draw the animation). Episode 16 of next season is the Scooby-Doo ep. Jared: Jensen, Misha and I...Crowd reacts at hearing MIsha’s name. Jensen realizes, covers his face. Jared blushes after Jensen smiles at him and Jared realizes that he just spoiled that and hides his face for a long time lol.

Jensen quickly says: He’s just an animated character. There’s other characters in the animated ep, too, that don’t exist anymore. Jensen to Jared: BOOM! You’re welcome *slaps Jared’s shoulder*

Jared says it’s the only ep they’ve seen so far so, in all fairness lol.

Jensen joking: It was cool that Jeffrey Dean came back. Jared: Ruby. Jensen: Ruby - “it’s a who’s who.” In sync the boys mime like they’re digging holes with shovels lol.

(Side note and spoilers: For those worried Jared might get in trouble about letting Castiel’s return slip, it doesn’t seem like they were going to try and hide that all hiatus, because during Misha’s panel a fan tweeted: “Misha seems to think we should be focusing on how Cas’ death will affect him when he returns rather than worry he won’t come back” so he was talking about it, too. Source: x).

While a fan asks a question, Jared opens up one of the drinks and sniffs it, then walks it over to Jensen so he can sniff it.

Fan from last year who beat Jensen at rock paper scissors wants to do a rematch. She comes onstage and Jared referees the match like last time. They go 2 out of 3. Jensen wins the first, fan wins the second. For the 3 Jared steps in between so Jensen and the fan can’t see each other. Fan beats Jensen again! Jensen: Dammit! Jared jokes: She was looking at the screen, she totally changed it. Jensen: Next year!

Fan wants to hear story about when J2 were mistaken for a couple years ago at the airport hotel. Jared explains that this was years ago and they were shooting late in Vancouver and they had to get up super early to fly to Los Angeles to do something there. They decided since they had filmed until like 4 or 5am they would just go straight to the airport. Airport wasn’t checking people in yet. Said the Fairmont that is connected to the airport is open so they go to get a room. Since this was back in the days of film and not digital, they had heavy makeup on from set that they were still wearing. They decided to grab one room, asked the person at the desk if they do rooms by the hour. Jared says Supernatural hadn’t aired yet, wasn’t sure if the guy knew him from Gilmore Girls and Jensen from Smallville or if he knew them at all. Said that “we just need a room for a couple hours.” Guy was like, “We don’t do that here.” So they just asked for their smallest room and the guy gave them a look like, “Okay.” J2 finally realized by the guy’s reaction that they thought J2 just wanted one bed and were together. They were like no, we just need a couple hours of sleep, we play brothers on a show, just going to do some acting. Jensen laughs.

Jensen: “I just love the guy at the front desk then immediately picked up the phone and was like, ‘Uh yeah that guy from Smallville and the guy from Gilmore Girls just showed up in like quarter drag and got a room together. Okay, TV Guide, thanks.” Jared cracks up.

Fan gives a shout out to ep 22 loving Sam’s leadership and Dean’s emotional honesty. Jensen: Oh yeah, Dean’s crying again.

Fan asks about the Mockumentary. J2 say they are not classic Hollywood types. They moved their families out of Hollywood and out of California in general.

Jared playing with Jensen’s holy jeans again.

The Mockumentary was them making fun of Hollywood types and stereotypes of themselves. They both love satire. The characters derive from stories they hear about other sets, other actors and some of the antics are pretty outrages so they were making fun of that.

J2 horse around on set and have way too much fun. They would rather do that than walk around on eggshells like some other actors or crew members have to do on “toxic” sets they hear about from other people. Used a bit of that to add to those fake characters in the Mockumentary. Complete opposites of who we are.

How do you keep fighting? Jared says it changes day to day sometimes. You can be inspired by song, rainbow, piece of art, friend, spouse, child parent, etc. Jared says that he is still having a fun time learning that life surprises him everyday. Something makes him sad everyday, something makes him happy everyday, tries to focus on the latter. Mentions that days like today what makes him happy is meeting fans, shaking hands, the hugs and smiles. “How fucking cool.”

Jared says if it wasn’t for Supernatural he would never have meet any of the fans or Jensen (”or this guy”) or any of the other cast. Sometimes when he is tired or sore or jetlagged and worries he’s going to let someone down/disappoint someone, he forgets what a cool blessing his situation is and tries to remind himself of that blessing.

Jensen: There’s also a lot of inspiration in our lies. We have beautiful wives, amazing children, we have great friends, family, awesome extended family, there’s a lot that you can be inspired by. When it comes to the day to day work of it, getting up in the morning early to make your set call and to get there even though you worked all night last night, maybe tired or sick. He and i have been doing this for a pretty long time as most of you know. At this point the network and studio, they’re like we’re gonna keep going if you wanna keep going. Gotten to a point where, we don’t have to do this. When Jensen wakes up in the morning he might feel tired and thinks: I don’t have to do this, I get to do this. He says it’s a sentiment he and Jared both shared. They are very fortunate and humbled by the daily inspiration they get.

J2 discuss how the scripts get worked out. Jensen goes into detail with Jared adding in tidbits. Writer comes up with a general idea, if it gets approved, works out a beginning middle and end of the script. Gets pitched to Andrew and Bob. Write the treatment, submit it to studio and network to get their approval. Then they’ll pepper in through lines or scenes throughout the season. Like, when in a MOTW ep they say something like “Talked to Mom yet?” that’s a through line to keep the season length arc connected. They know it’s a random line that gets thrown in but there’s a reason why the writers include them here and there. Script goes through moderate rewrites throughout the whole process. Then it becomes a production script. Once the script is finally done, the production crew has to piece it together to make it live action. Essentially a puzzle they have to put together. Many departments. Once everything is figured out, they then have 8 days to shoot (after 8 days of prep, then location scouting, building sets, etc).

Jared sneaks Jensen a drink while he’s talking and Jensen thanks him. They take a moment talking about honey crisp apples because of the smell of the drink. Jared made a face after taking a drink. Jensen asks if it’s sour and if he’s okay. Jared says he is blowing fire right now. Whatever alcohol they are drinking is strong lol.

J2 start whispering to each other about a guest star but can’t share because she might come back.

After shooting they take several weeks editing, additional dialogue, sound effects, then a master edit, then send it to the studio, then it goes to affiliates then it goes on air. Very detailed explanation on the entire process.

Lot of people work tireless hours to make the show what it is. Everyone who works on the show don’t get nearly the praise they deserve. “We are just the two faces you see the most of.”

Misha crashes the panel with an accent he calls “German, Russian, Italian.”

Misha asks J2 if after they read the end of the finale script how many hours they held each other and cried. Jensen: I remember reading the end and literally burst into tears of laughter. And I thought, how much fun is season 13 gonna be? I mean, talk about cutting the fat.

Misha comes on stage and hugs Jared and the three start telling a story about how Misha rented a house while they were filming on location for the last three days of s12 because it was a long drive to the location, which was halfway to Whistler. Misha invited J2 to stay with him so they wouldn’t have to make that drive either. Misha: This was a moment of poor decision making.

The shooting schedule was like 3 or 4pm to like 5am the next morning for those three days. Jensen: It was awful. Misha offered for them to stay so they wouldn’t be exhausted doing the 4 hour drive roundtrip. He told them it was like a 3 or 4 bedroom house, but it wasn’t lol. It was actually two bedrooms at the most.

Jared slept on the floor in Misha’s bedroom, Jensen was alone in the other room. Jensen: “[Jared] slept on the floor next to the bed [Misha] slept in. I don’t know what happened, I was in the other room.”

Lots of innuendo and lots of laughter lol.

Misha: How much of this story are we going to tell? Jared: We’re telling it all. Jared realizes that it’s time for J2 to go because Misha is supposed to be starting his solo panel. Jared: We’ll delay a little bit for y’all, “fuck it.”

Jared explains that after shooting until about 5 in the morning they go back to Misha’s place he’s renting and decide to hang out on the patio and drink as a send off to season 12. Jensen: After we realized that there were very little places to sleep in this place, we were like, guess we should just stay up.

Jared: So we stayed up, and then went to bed. Misha stands up and high-fives Jared. Boys are all giggling lol.

Jensen: I do remember at one point being in the other room being awoke by *mimics loud snoring* and he was like “What are they doing in there?! Have they brought in animals now?!”

Jared was a little sick and was snoring so loud that Jensen could hear him from down the hall through a closed door and it woke him up.

Jensen wondered how Misha could possibly be sleeping through that in the same room. Jared: Oh he had been put to the test the night before ;) Jensen: He can sleep through anything. Jared: No he woke up for...*laughter* Jensen: When you nudged him.

Jared referring to the fans: They’re all like, what’s true and what’s not? I wanna believe!

Jared was snoring from down the hall and closed door. Jensen was like

Jared: What’s true and what’s not? Boys are just cracking up lol.

The rented home is all under Misha’s name. Misha: So stupid. They wake up the next day, phone rings. Jared answers. Guy on the phone thinks he’s talking to Virgil, the guy who owns the home. As Jared is pretending to be the home owner because he knows everything is under Misha’s name, Misha catches him and tries to take the phone from him. The phone flies out of both of their hands into a glass and breaks the glass. Misha: There’s the sound of me going, “No!” glass breaking and the phone hanging up.

The phone rings again, Misha runs downstairs to unplug the phone, forgetting he has left his laptop open. Jensen says that Jared runs over to the computer and starts tweeting on Misha’s Twitter. Misha realizes he left his computer vulnerable and sprints back to the room. Misha laughs when he remembers that Jared was trying to tweet Trump from Misha’s Twitter. Misha finally got the phone unplugged and his laptop rescued.

Jensen: Meanwhile, it was the best morning cup of coffee entertainment I’ve ever had. He was just watching them from the table lol.

Misha goes to shower and Jared starts flipping through channels and finds the pay per view. Stops on a show called something like Boys in the Shower 7, or about their butts, he can’t remember. Jensen: That piqued your interest? Jared also assumed the home owner would have blocked renters aka Misha from using the PPV but the guy didn’t so Jared ordered it. Misha says Jared actually subscribed to it under Misha’s name. Misha: it was very graphic bathroom sex. Jared: In all fairness they were offering a deal at the time lol.

J2 left to go back to work before Misha did. Misha spent two hours trying to unsubscribe it. He was unsuccessful because he didn’t have the password Jared had created.

On that note, J2 take off. Misha starts his panel by finishing the story saying that they were all sitting on the couch watching the graphic bathroom sex while J2 were waiting for Clif to pick them up and it took Clif a minute to realize what was on screen lol.

Info via: Periscope, Periscope, Sil’s livetweet list

#j2 #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #jibcon #cracksmyshitup #panel sum #long post #shpost

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thehockeyhaus · 8 years ago

Text

With a Little Help From My Friends

(shout out to @loveyoutoobits for the title and helping beta, along with @immarcesibility)

Summary: Bitty just wanted to clear his mind, to get rid of his intrusive thoughts. No one was out at 3am anyway, so that'd be the perfect time to take a walk, right?

Word Count: 3,156

Pairing: Zimbits

Warnings: Suicide Mention, Depression, (Bits needs lot of love)

Check it out on AO3 - http://archiveofourown.org/works/11471949

The cursor blinking on the screen was mocking him. It had been about fifteen minutes since Bitty had actually typed something to add to his assignment. His phone sat on his desk, open to his conversation with Jack, who hadn’t replied since several hours ago. His brain was running a mile a minute, but it was thinking about anything but what it should be.

The things it was thinking weren’t positive either.

“Jack’s lying. He does have time to talk to you, he just doesn’t want to.”

“You shouldn’t bother your friends with your ‘problems.’ They’ll think you’re pathetic.”

“You’re just needy and whiney.”

“Other people have it way worse than you do.”

“You’re just overreacting.”

Bitty’s mind went back to this morning, when he and Lardo had had breakfast alone. He’d almost brought up some of his worries to her then, but his thoughts had said the same thing then as they were saying then.

“Lardo wouldn’t want to hear your problems.”

“She’s just pretending to be your friend because Jack is her friend.”

“It would be rude of you to bother her with your complaining.”

Bitty blinked, eyes coming into focus again. His hands were shaking. He took a deep breath and shoved his chair harshly away from his desk.

He felt trapped. The normally welcoming walls felt restrictive. Bitty snatched his phone off of the charger and headed down to the kitchen.

He was careful not to thud down the old stairs, not wanting to wake up Chowder or Lardo. He reached the kitchen without much incident, but paused in the doorway. His breathing was still shaky and the walls were still too close. He didn’t want to walk into the kitchen. He wanted out.

Bitty glanced out the window and then around the room. He spotted Jack’s hoodie on the back of a chair. Thank god he’d ditched it there yesterday, because he didn’t feel like going back upstairs.

He stepped into the kitchen and hurriedly slipped on the hoodie. He grabbed a beanie off of the couch, not caring whose it was or where it had been. He then slipped on his shoes that were sitting by the door before slipping outside.

The sound of the door latching behind him broke the quiet reprieve of the outdoors. It was almost eerie how empty it was outside. Bitty started walking away from the Haus, phone and hands in his pocket. It was entirely quiet. He walked under a light and stopped, looking up and listening to the soft buzzing he normally wouldn’t hear in the daytime.

It was nice at first. His brain went quiet as he just enjoyed the nature. But then he remembered why he left in the first place.

He started walking again. Soon he was walking away from Frat Row and heading towards the outskirts of campus. Sirens sounded softly in the distance and a dog howled in response. When they quieted, Bitty strained to pick up the faint sounds of the river to his left.

“You could just jump into the river now. No one would notice.”

Bitty’s pace picked up to a brisk walk. A few streets down, a car drove across an intersection.

“Just lie in the road. It’s dark enough that someone would hit you before they saw you. It’ll be fast.”

His rubber soles smacked the pavement as he started to jog. He wished, now, that he’d brought his headphones. Anything to help drown out his own thoughts.

As he jogged, his breathing picked up more, breath fogging in front of his face. His fingers were starting to chill, now that he’d brought them out of his cozy pockets.

“There’s about ten pies in the freezer. The team won’t even notice you’re gone for another day or two, if you weren’t to go back, that is.”

Bitty dug his nails into the palms of his hands. He pushed himself even further, now sprinting down the road. When it ended at an intersection, he made a quick right and kept going.

Now all he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears. His lungs were screaming at him to stop, but he pushed it a little longer.

“Wait, the concrete doesn’t normally move that way.”

Bitty managed to catch himself with his arm when he stumbled, so he didn’t smash his nose into the hard ground. He was frozen for a second, braced above the concrete, still panting, before he finally crumpled. He groaned as he pushed himself onto his back.

The heartbeat in his ears was slowly transitioning into a ringing sound. He gave a small laugh thinking about someone actually using a transition, like he would in editing, to change what sounds he was hearing.

What if his whole life was just someone trying to piece shit together on Premiere Pro? That would be funny, wouldn’t it?

Bitty blinked slowly. They were adding in a sort of sparkling transition, or effect, or something, because he was now seeing little bursts of light in his vision that he was almost sure weren’t supposed to be there.

Shit, he was about to pass out, wasn’t he?

Bitty fumbled a few times, trying to pull his phone out of his pocket. Fuck, why did it have to be so cold out tonight?

His hands were shaking as he worked to unlock his phone. After three failed attempts, he finally got the password right. His messages opened up and he clicked on a random conversation. He blinked, trying to focus on the screen and make sure he wasn’t texting his mom or something.

That wouldn’t help anything.

Nope, it was Chowder, thankfully, because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to click on someone else in time.

“went joggin” he managed to type out. He thinks he hit send, but he didn’t have the time to double check before his vision started to tunnel.

He put his phone down, so he wouldn’t drop it and crack it, just before everything went out completely.

The next thing Bitty remembered was a bright white light.

His head was still pounding, ears foggy, but he tried to open his eyes to see what was going on.

Shapes were coming closer to him. Large shapes.

Familiar shapes?

“-since 3 AM?”

“-needs a blanket-”

One of the shapes moved away, while the other got much closer to him.

Now someone was touching his forehead.

“Fuck, he’s frozen.”

The shape quickly scooped him up. Bitty hissed. They were so warm. He curled up a bit, trying to bury his face in their chest when they spoke again.

“Bitty, come on, turn your head. Can you drink this?”

Oh, that was Ransom speaking. He’d listen to Ransom. Ransom was nice.

Bitty turned his head and a small object was placed gently against his lips. Bitty tried to open his eyes as his lips parted a little and water poured into his mouth. Bitty swallowed it greedily, but it was soon being pulled away from him.

“Good job Bits,” Ransom said softly, then his voice grew louder. “Did you tell Lardo and Dex that we found him?”

“Yeah, I texted them,” Holster replied. Bitty blinked. Why could he only see grey?

He heard a car door open and Bitty moved his head. He’d been looking directly into Ransom’s shirt. That made more sense.

The heat in the car made Bitty curl up more. It was then that he realized exactly how freezing he’d been. His teeth started to chatter softly and Ransom rubbed his arms, trying to warm him up.

“We need to get him back to the Haus, get him some blankets,” Ransom mused.

Bitty felt the truck rumble under them as they started to move. Blankets sounded nice, and maybe some food.

“Don’t worry Bits, we can find you something to eat.” Holster reassured him. Oh, did he say that outloud?

“Jack’ll probably be there when we get back.” Holster continued.

That made Bitty perk up. He tried to sit up and actually focus more, but his vision didn’t appreciate it.

Ransom’s arms tightened around him. “Hey, it’s okay. We got you, Bits. Did you fall or anything? Is your head okay?”

His head was fine, but he was more concerned about Jack. He had practice tomorrow, he couldn’t be down here at…

“‘M fine. What time is it?” Bitty rasped out.

There was a pause. “It’s a little after 5am,” Ransom finally answered him.

Shit, he had a paper due today that was only half finished. How had he been out for two hours?

“I have a paper to do,” Bitty whined softly.

Holster gave a short laugh, although it wasn’t super happy, more surprised. “Don’t worry about it, Bits. One of us will talk to your prof, okay?”

Bitty slumped against Ransom’s chest again, his head now rested up on Ransom’s shoulder. “Jack has practice…” he mumbled. “He should be home.”

Ransom and Holster shared a look, but didn’t say anything else. Instead, Ransom just started rubbing his back. Bitty relaxed more, his body still exhausted. He let his eyes slip closed again and let out a sigh.

When Bitty opened his eyes, they were back at the Haus. The front light was on. Chowder, Dex and Nursey were standing near the Haus door, and Lardo and Jack were huddled together under the tree.

All five sets of eyes were on the truck as it pulled up to the curb. Bitty was very aware of the attention that was being focused on him at the moment.

“You shouldn’t have texted Chowder. You wasted all of their time.” His brain scolded. “They should be sleeping, and Jack should be home. He has practice. That’s more important than this.”

Bitty shrunk into himself a bit. He knew Jack was looking at him, and as much as he didn’t want to see his boyfriend right now, he couldn’t help but look back.

Ransom opened the car door. He looked down at him. “Do you feel up to walking?”

Bitty nodded quickly. He didn’t want to bother Ransom anymore, or draw more attention by having himself be carried in. He sat up and turned slowly before slipping out of the truck.

Ransom’s hand went to his elbow when Bitty swayed a bit. Jack dashed over to his side, one of his arms slipping around Bitty’s waist. His face was painted with concern and a bit of fear.

“Eric. Are you okay? What happened?” He asked softly but quickly.

Bitty leaned into Jack for support. “I went for a walk,” he explained, voice a bit weak. He tried to straighten up more, and cleared his throat.

Jack’s brows furrowed, but he didn’t ask anything else. “Let’s go inside.”

Bitty glanced up at everyone once, and saw the varying expressions of concern and worry on their face. He flushed slightly. He’d been trying not to waste their time, and yet it seemed in his need to clear his mind and keep to himself he did just that.

Chowder, Dex, and Nursey stepped aside, while Lardo, Ransom, and Holster followed in behind Jack and Bitty.

They all went into the kitchen. Jack immediately pulled out a chair for Bitty, which Bitty was grateful for. He sank down into it, his back hunched, arms crossed and resting on his legs. Somehow, a blanket was passed over to them, and it was wrapped around Bitty’s shoulders. One of his hands held onto the edge, his fingers slowly rubbing over the rough wool absentmindedly.

Jack pulled out a chair next to him, their knees almost touching, but not quite. He looked up, confused. Maybe Jack didn’t want to touch him?

Jack looked up and read the expression on his face. His features softened a bit and he reached out, placing his hand on Bitty’s knee and rubbing his thumb on Bitty’s leg. Bitty instantly relaxed, looking past Jack now.

Lardo had pulled a chair over to Bitty’s other side, and Ransom and Holster were sitting immediately next to her. Chowder also had a chair, but he was on the other side of Jack, while Nursey and Dex were leaning on the counters closer to the door.

“What do you want to eat, Bitty?” Ransom asked, making Bitty’s head snap over to him.

“I- um...” he licked his lips, trying to think of something that wouldn’t take too much work. “I have some cookie dough poptarts in the freezer still, I think.”

Ransom got up, opening the freezer and rummaging around. He pulled out the poptarts, as well as one of Bitty’s strawberry rhubarb pies. He turned the oven on with a practiced movement, unwrapped the pie, and slid it inside. Then he grabbed a bottle of water and handed the water and poptarts to Bitty.

“Thanks,” Bitty said. He opened the water and took a long swig before setting it aside and starting to slowly work on the poptarts.

“Bittle.” Bitty looked up at his boyfriend, feeling bad when he saw the worry in his eyes. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Bitty glanced around at his friends. They were all looking at him, but none of them seemed angry, or were judging him. Lardo gave him a small smile, and Bitty managed a small one back before looking at Jack.

“... I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed,” he explained. “I thought a walk would help.”

“What time did you leave?” Jack asked, this time a bit firmer.

“A little before three I think.”

“Bits.” He turned to look at Lardo. She was leaning forward in her chair. “Before this, when was the last time you ate?”

Bitty furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember. “I think I had something at lunch.”

“How much?” Lardo asked, not missing a beat.

“I think I had a protein bar… and that was it,” he admitted.

Jack frowned. Lardo sighed.

“I don’t want to interrogate you, or anything, but,” she paused, “we’ve noticed you haven’t been eating as much. At least, not while around us.”

Bitty chewed on his lower lip, not wanting to lie about it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to eat, it was just that his stomach was upset more often than not, or he’d get distracted and just forget to eat.

“I’m sorry,” he replied instead, squirming a bit.

“We’re not mad at you, Bitty,” Chowder told him, his voice very calm and soothing. His eyebrows furrowed just slightly. “We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“We got worried, dude,” Nursey piped in, and Dex nodded in agreement.

Everyone seemed so genuinely worried and concerned about him, it melted all Bitty’s arguments. Even though his thoughts still warred against it, he was more aware of the wrongness of his mind.

Bitty pulled his knees up to his chest, his feet resting on the chair, so he could wrap the blanket further around himself. He couldn’t really bring himself to look at anyone directly for too long, so he just glanced around occasionally while he spoke.

“I… I just haven’t been feeling… well, recently. A-and it’s been hard to convince myself to… talk to anyone about it,” he explained slowly.

“You know, you could talk to a therapist on campus,” Ransom suggested.

Bitty worried at his lower lip a bit. He knew he should, but-

“People need mental doctors just like they need normal doctors, and there’s nothing wrong with it,” Dex told him. “I mean, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Jack moved in closer to Bitty. “It really helped me, and you know I could help you find one if you didn’t want one on campus.”

“I’ve heard of like, online therapists before, so you could just talk to them from your room, instead of going anywhere,” Holster piped in. “That way you could be comfortable and shit.”

“Yeah, and you could just like, put a sock on the doorknob and we won’t bother you,” Chowder added. “That way it's not like you're having to tell us exactly what's going on, but we know not to bother you.”

“Do you want to talk to a therapist Bits?” Lardo asked him.

“You don't need a therapist, you're just over-”

“If it helped me not feel so…” he trailed off and the just nodded.

Jack leaned in and gave him a kiss on his temple. “I love you Bits, I'm sorry I haven't been free to talk to you much recently. I know that probably didn't help.”

Bitty shrugged. “It's not your fault…” he mumbled softly.

“Bro, could I give you a hug?” Ransom asked. Bitty looked up and nodded quickly.

Everyone converged in then, making Bitty the middle of a large group hug.

“Don't forget, we love you too Bits,” Lardo said from where she was pressed into his side.

Bitty teared up and snuggled in further. “Th-thanks guys.”

“Yeah Bits, and don't worry about your paper thing.” Holster chimed in. “Which class is it?”

“European History,” Jack supplied.

“Hey I had that class last semester,” Holster noted. “Yeah, we def got you covered there bro.”

Finally, Jack was the one to break them apart. “I think the pie is warm enough now, Ransom.”

“Oh shit, you're right,” Ransom yelped, sliding over to the oven.

“Justin Oluransi, you better not burn my pie,” Bitty chided with a teary laugh.

“I would never… do something like that on purpose,” he said with slight worry as he peered into the oven. “Ah hah! It's perfect.”

He quickly pulled it out and set it on the stove top. Holster got out the plates and they quickly cut up a slice and handed it to Bitty. Bitty smiled at them and sat at the table with it.

“Alright, now everyone else fight for it,” Holster declared.

“Nothing loud,” Jack reminded them firmly, right before they all could launch at each other. “It's 5am, and normal people are asleep right now.”

That's when Bitty remembered. “Jack, wait, don't you have practice tomorrow?”

While the rest of the team went at the pie, Jack sat back down right beside Bitty. “It's optional skate. I already texted and explained something came up.” He gave Bitty another kiss, this time on his cheek. “Nothing could keep me away right now, anyway.”

Bitty took a few bites of his pie, while Lardo sat down and offered Jack a fork. Jack smiled and took a bite of Lardo’s slice before looking back at Bitty.

“Why don't we finish this upstairs, so you can get some sleep?” he suggested kindly.

Bitty nodded, a yawn bubbling up then. “Sounds… good,” he agreed sleepily.

Jack helped Bitty to his feet, heading with him out of the kitchen.

A conglomeration of “good night”s followed behind them.

“Night, Bits!”

“Love you, Bits!”

“Sleep well!”

Bitty couldn't help but smile into his pie. He looked over at Jack and then glanced back at his friends.

He was so glad he'd chosen Samwell.

#omgcp fanfic #check please fanfic #eric bittle #smh team #zimbits fanfic #zimbits #tw: suicide mention #tw: depression #my writing #thehockeyhaus #my work #sad story fam #Eric needs a hug and a therapist #i do headcanon bitty as having like depression #he stress bakes #he needs a hug

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lovemesomesurveys · 7 years ago

Text

1. Do you ever wonder what things would be like if you had made a different choice? Of course. I wonder that all the time about everything.

2. What is the wallpaper on your phone? My home screen is a photo of my dog, Brandie, who passed away this past December. My lock screen is Alexander Skarsgard.

3. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? I leave ‘em on.

4. Would you ever date somebody that was the same sex as you? No.

5. Is there someone you used to talk to everyday that you don’t talk to at all now? Yes.

6. Do you think you’re a good person? I don’t think too highly of myself.

7. Do you think people talk about you behind your back? I don’t know if I’m relevant enough for that.

8. What’s your favourite fruit? Bananas.

9. Is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive.

10. Can men and women be “just friends”? Yes...

11. Would you live with someone without being married to them? Yes.

12. Last board game you played? Life.

13. When’s the last time you went swimming? Like four years ago.

14. How often do you wake up to having unread texts? Not often at all. Pretty rare, actually. If I do have one, it’s likely from my dad sending me a reminder text to pay his bill due that day (I handle all that stuff for him online cause my dad isn’t tech savvy).

15. Is there anyone you wish you could be spending your time with right now? No.

16. Does someone text you and say goodnight every night? No.

17. Would you rather go back a week or forward? Stay right here.

18. Is anyone ignoring you right now? I don’t think so.

19. Does the last person you held hands with mean a lot to you? Yes.

20. Do you like country music? Yeah, some.

21. Last person of the opposite sex you screamed at? *shrug*

22. Did you make any new friends since the school year started? I’m no longer in school.

23. What was the last thing you watched on the TV? KUWTK.

24. Is there snow on the ground where you are? Pfft no. It’s supposed to be 110 here today. UGHHHHHHH. Plus, it doesn’t snow here.

25. Can you watch scary movies? Some.

26. Do you say sorry first? Yes.

27. Has someone ever made you a promise and broken it? Yep. Tis’ life.

28. Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? I think so. When I’m ready for one.

29. Was the last message you received on your phone from a male or female? Male.

30. If the internet was not available right now, what would you do instead? Watch TV.

31. Do you study a lot? I’m not in school.

32. Who was the first person you talked to today? My mom.

33. Who else is in the room with you? My puppy.

34. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? I wouldn’t.

35. What are you looking forward to? SUMMER BEING OVER.

36. When was the last time something bothered you? Everyday.

37. What is in your pocket? No pockets on these pj pants, but I don’t use pockets anyway.

38. Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? From JCP.

39. Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? Yes.

40. Would you rather grow old with someone or be single forever? Grow old with the right person.

41. Are you happy with the way things are going? No.

42. How far away is the last person you kissed? I don’t know where he’s at.

43. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No.

44. Do long distance relationships work? They can.

45. Who were you with the last time you wen to the movies? My mom and aunt.

46. Wha are you doing after this? Possibly another survey.

47. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Yes.

48. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Yeah?

49. When were you last in a vehicle? This past Friday.

50. Moving on, do you wish summer could come just about now? It’s been here and I’ve been ready for it to be OVER.

51. Are you teenaged years most definitely the hardest years to go through? They can be because they’re critical years in your life when you’re changing and trying to figure out things.

52. Are you nervous about anything? Yes.

53. Have you ever stayed the night at your school? Closest thing was grad night after I graduated high school where the school put on this fun overnight thing, well until like 5AM, for us to do to promote sobriety and have a fun, safe celebration.

54. Do you hate the last guy/girl you dated? No.

55. Has anyone you’ve known changed recently? Yeah.

56. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? I don’t know if I would.

57. In the past five days, would you go back and change something if you could? Yes.

58. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Not romantically, no.

59. When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? I talked to my mom this morning.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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the-unconquered-queen · 5 years ago

Text

Thanks for the tag, @dianalend!

I’mma apologize in advance for a long-ass post, ‘cause I’m on mobile so the read more doesn’t work

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

Well, it’s a pink with black animal print one, but I stopped using a hairbrush ages ago in favor of an orange comb

2. A food you never eat

Seafood

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm, but I literally live in an island in the Caribbean, so there’s no surprise the weather is always keeping me warm

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Idk probably waiting in line at the McDonald’s drive through

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

The only candy bar I’ll eat is Hershey’s milk chocolate

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

No, and unless they ever decide to make Quidditch a thing, you’ll never catch me at one

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

I forgot so I read this question out loud so I could have an answer

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

Strawberry if it’s regular ice cream, vanilla if it’s soft serve

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

I’m currently drinking my McDonald’s soda

10. Do you like your wallet?

Hell yeah, I’ve had it for years and it’s Sirius Black’s Azkaban number plate thing, which I also used as a prop the time I dressed up as a Death Eater

11. What was the last thing you ate?

McDonald’s burger

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nah, haven’t bought clothes in ages

13. The last sporting event you watched

I think I watched the Ireland vs Bulgaria Quidditch scene when they were playing Goblet of Fire on tv while I ate

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

The basic classic one, really buttery

15. Who was the last person you sent a text message to?

I rarely send texts but do send messages through other forms of media, but the actual text went out to my sister a month ago

16. Ever go camping?

Never have, never will

17. Do you take vitamins?

Nope

18. Do you go to church ever Sunday?

19. Do you have a tan?

Nah

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

I mean, I love pizza but I also loved eating Panda Express at least once a week before the quarantine thing, but that doesn’t count as proper Chinese food, so I guess pizza?

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

Sometimes, but I prefer not to

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

Black or white or gray with colorful accents

23. Ever drive above the speed limit?

I don’t drive

24. What terrifies you?

Any sort of reptile (with the exception of snakes and Ig dragons if they count) and frogs

25. Look to you left. What do you see?

My bed’s headboard and the wall.

26. What chore do you hate?

All of them

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

Never heard one in person but I did think of the Hemsworth brothers just now

28. What’s your favorite soda?

Regular coke

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

Well, in quarantine there are only drive throughs, though normally on a week day I go into the fast food places for lunch, but other than that, drive through

30. Who’s the last person you talked to?

My mom

31. Favorite cut of beef?

I’mma keep it real w u I got no clue what the types of cuts are

32. Last song you listened to?

Dead Girl Walking from Heathers the musical

33. Last book you read?

If you mean all the way through, then I finished Half-Blood Prince today, but I just started Deathly Hallows which is the most recent thing I’ve read

34. Favorite day of the week?

Used to be Fridays, but every day’s the same when stuck at home

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I’ve never even tried to

36. Do you like your coffee?

Not at all

37. Favorite pair of shoes?

I’ve got some pretty hot and badass-looking Black Widow boots I adore

38. At what time do you normally go to bed?

Pre quarantine, about 11pm, during quarantine it’s sometime around 2am

39. At what time do you normally get up?

Pre quarantine, 5am, during quarantine I generally wake up around 7am and go back to sleep until around 11am

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I’ve only ever seen sunsets, so I guess those

41. How many blankets on your bed?

There’s too many for me to feel like counting rn, but 10+

42. Describe your kitchen plates.

Yellow with colorful edges or all black

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?

I don’t like drinking alcohol, so no

44. Do you play cards?

Do you count UNO?

45. What color is your car?

A really nice shade of nonexistent

46. Can you change a tire?

47. What is your favorite province?

Honestly idk

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had?

I’ve never had a particularly interesting job, but I really like my coworkers at my current job, so I guess that one

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

It’s not exactly a scar, but I’ve got a sort of dent on the skin of my right foot from a shard from a glass shelf that fell on me

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy?

I went to see my grandma for Mother’s Day

If anyone wants to participate and answer these, please go ahead

Thank you for tagging @boneandfur ❤️

50 questions you’ve never been asked

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

Blue with Black

2. A food you never eat?

Uh, something very exotic

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too cold

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Celebrating my birthday, which was 2 days ago

5. What is your favourite Candy Bar?

Kinder Bueno

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Euro basket 2011

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

I remember was singing something loud in Russian

8. What is you favourite ice cream?

They sell it in my country only

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Vine(omg people will think that I am an alcoholic)

10. Do you like your wallet?

Yes, it is small and compact

11. What was the last thing you ate?

Ice-cream

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Yes, I ordered new jeans

13. The last sporting event you watched?

I don’t remember because it was long time ago

14. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?

Sweet one

15. Who was the last person you sent a text message to?

Let me check... my former classmate

16. Ever go camping?

No.

17. Do you take vitamins?

Yes.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

No( shame on me)

19. Do you have a tan?

On summer Yes and every time it is so bad

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or Pizza?

Pizza

21. Do you drink your Soda with a Straw?

22. What colour socks do you usually wear?

White ones

23. Ever drive above the speed limit?

I don’t have car

24. What terrifies you?

Fire

25. Look at your left. What do you see?

Teddy Bear which is sitting in the armchair.

26. What chore do you hate?

Take out a rubbish.

27. What do you think of when you her an Australian accent?

Is it sounds as similar as British? (I am so sorry)

28. What’s your favourite Soda?

Diet Coke

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

Fast food place

30. Who’s the last person you talked to?

My mom

31. Favourite cut of beef?

I prefer chicken

32. Last song you listened to?

Adele- Rolling in the deep

33. Last book you read?

Currently I am reading ‘The Book Thief’ by Marcus Zusak

34. Favourite day of the week?

Usually Wednesday because I am not studying this day and I don’t have a work shift.

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I think I can but it will take so long

36. Do you like your coffee?

No, that’s why I am not making it

37. Favourite pair of shoes?

My new Buffalo boots.

38. At what time do you normally go to bed?

At 1 am.

39. At what time do you normally get up?

Currently, at 9am

40. What do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets

41. How many blankets are on your bed?

One.

42. Describe you kitchen plates?

Just white.

43. Do you have a favourite alcohol beverage?

Cider

44. Do you play cards?

No.

45. What colour is your car?

I don’t have it

46. Can you change a tier?

I don’t have a car!!!

47. What is your favourite province?

My hometown

48. Favourite job you’ve ever had?

My favourite job: No job at all

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

On my head from the car crash when I was 4 years old.

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy?

My Birthday was the reason to celebrate.

Tagging: @ritachacha @the-unconquered-queen @officialchoicestrash @spideywhiteys @grumpynazario

@missameliep @kingliamsbitch @zenas-q

#long post

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damnitaddie · 8 years ago

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Holla Jesu Christe

[TW: Suicide]

Standard mom stuff: If you’re thinking about suicide, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

So here we are again. I’m back staring at this screen. For a second there, I thought I had written my last entry.

This post is a couple of things, which I’ll get to assuredly. This post is going to be the realist shit that I’m likely to share to a public audience ever again. By the time I’ve hit post here, I’ll still be alive. Thankfully. But I’ll be metaphorically naked in front of all of you. I am baring it all. What it’s not… is a cry for help, a ploy for attention, or an invitation to post a reply such as “I’m always here if you want to talk.”

Does that seem rude? It’s not intended to be. I know it’s what you say when you want to say something but you don’t know what to say. I just want people to know that I’m not the type that typically reaches out in that kind of way. The people who I reach to already know who they are.

I am not posting this for my own good, but in the hope that it helps someone else pull the proverbial panic cord, pump their brakes, call a timeout, or whatever metaphor you find works best. For the people who don’t suffer from some sort of mental illness, maybe it brings better understanding.

Throughout the post, I’m going to reference things that I’ve taken away from the Biodyne model of suicide assessment and prevention. I shouldn’t have to disclaim this, but of course, I’m not a doctor, I’m not a mental health professional. I’m just a person who struggles with her own mental health and who also sees others around her struggle with their own. Beyond that, the people who are left in the wake of disaster, the warm blanket of oblivion ripped rudely off of them in the night. With that said, onward and upward, shall we?

Starting sometime during the week of June 12th, thoughts of suicide started to creep into the forefront of my brain. They’re never far away, always lurking somewhere in shadows, waiting for a chance to seize the day. Waiting for the chance to become the all consuming thing that you can’t avoid, until they succeed in making you another statistic, a hash tag, a sad story. Or you “pump the brakes” and slow down long enough to take a look around.

By the end of last weekend, it was more than a passing thought. It had taken up residence right in front of me. It was all I could see. I had entered what they refer to as Stage 1. This is not unfamiliar territory to me. I’ve been there a number of times, it normally passes pretty quick and I move along, sending a passing email to my therapist saying something like “Hey, this happened, I’m okay but I wanted you to know.” Then we could talk about it at my next session.

“Everyone has dark times — a story held in secret..”

Of course, this time, I didn’t do that. I didn’t send any emails. On the outside, I don’t think anyone could see the big black dog named depression that was following me around. Hell, I even went out and danced, something I don’t do, with random Lyft customers turned friends on Saturday night. I had fun. That’s the thing about depression. It’s not all sitting around, sulking and listening to Brand New and The Get Up Kids.

By Tuesday, I had swiftly exited the ideation phase and was actively planning the end of my own life. I started putting together certain documents, keys, passcodes, passwords, blank checks and other things that I knew people would need in the wake of it all. I started on my “note.” What it ended up being, near as makes no difference, was a 4100 word of drivel. A long, sad tale that ranged from my own failings to the perceived failings of others. At times a scathing, no-holds-barred airing of grievances that only one other person has read at this point. I intend to keep it that way.

Throughout my planning, I was even taking smaller details into consideration. Things that a stereotypical suicidal character on a Lifetime made for TV drama wouldn’t. I knew that more than anything, I didn’t want my kids to find me. I know that Grayson can sometimes be anywhere between 2-10 minutes faster than Megan to get inside my house. He doesn’t knock. Additionally, I didn’t want someone like the fire department to have to kick in a door. Someone would have to fix that later, right?

I even made a playlist. I’m not really sure who it was for. I think it was for me than anything. It started as 33 tracks and eventually I whittled it down to about 17. About the perfect length for a mix CD, 73 minutes. Of course, I didn’t have an optical drive in my laptop, and Spotify wasn’t going to let me burn it anyway.. but there it was.

This happened all throughout the course of Tuesday afternoon and Thursday morning. The only thing that really kept me out of the third and final phase was that I didn’t have a time frame for when this was all supposed to go down. I had a mental to-do list of the things I needed to accomplish before I could even get to scheduling the end of the end.

Tuesday evening, I went to dinner with Brian. We had wings and beer, as customary with the two of us.. I had been texting with a friend intermittently throughout the day, and as I understood, she was having a shitty afternoon. I invited her to come down and have a beer. She politely declined, as I expected. “Maybe next time,” I replied. It felt hollow, because I wasn’t expecting there to be a next time. A day late friend, I mused to myself.

My short term memory is so bad, I don’t remember what I did Wednesday morning. I know at some point, I went to Home Depot to pick up something I would need. Utility knife blades. Then I went next door to Tumbleweed and had lunch by myself. I ordered my usual burrito and a beer. I sat at the bar alone. Both in physical presence and mentally. The mix of even a really low dose of Klonopin, only a sixth of what my former psychiatry nurse practitioner had prescribed, and the beer apparently was a bad choice.

As soon as I got home, I passed out. When I awoke, later that evening, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep. Through out the night, I cried all the tears I had out as I worked on the playlists and the note.

Around 5am, the sun was rising and I felt satisfied with what I had written. I hadn’t eaten dinner the night before and had been living off Coca-Cola and loud music. I got dressed and went to Waffle House by myself. I sat in a dirty booth that no one bothered to wipe down after the previous guests had departed. As I sat in a dirty booth, eating my breakfast, I started beginning to have a moment of clarity. I paid for my half-eaten meal, got back in my car and pulled out onto Bardstown Rd, thinking about all that had happened in the last 36 or so hours. I considered certain contradictions in what I was planning. My jaw and head ached from clenching my teeth throughout the night, having foregone any additional Klonopin to ease the anxiety.

I pulled into the parking lot at Kroger, and went inside to buy some Ibuprofen. I couldn’t seem to locate the bottle at my house. Assuming either we had taken it all, or that it was sitting in a box somewhere in Rhode Island.

As I exited the store, I realized that I hadn’t bought anything to drink to actually take the ibuprofen with. Sitting in my car, with the engine idling and the transmission in park. I considered going back inside to buy a coke. I felt to numb, too out of sorts to even bother. I opened the bottle and took two pills, swallowing them dry.

Then instead of putting the car in drive and heading home, I pulled out my phone. I opened the app that I use to communicate with my doctor and I typed out the following message:

Ok,

I’m officially pulling the fire alarm. This dizziness, lightheadedness, vertigo thing that I’ve got going on is starting to get out of control.

More importantly, certainly more time critical, is that I’ve passed through stage 2 of the biodyne model of suicidal thoughts. I know there’s nothing worse than having a Graduate of the Google School of Medicine for a patient, but I found this page:

And by my own self-assessment I’m at the completion of stage 2, entering stage 3, but not quite in what they call the “Auto pilot” mode. I considered going to the emergency room, but I haven’t, because well it seemed a little scary.

I’ve backed away from the proverbial ledge, but I’ve been up all night and realized at about 6am that I’ve amassed more than just a note, it’s 4100 words.

I’m safe right now, but I’m going to reach out now, in the interest of full disclosure, for better or worse.

Call, text, write. Love y’all.

–Addison

Then I went home and went to sleep and waited from a call from them. I was in contact with them throughout the day, as they checked in on me and went over my medications. I should back up a bit and explain..

At the beginning of the month, I had visited because my fatigue was so bad that I couldn’t do anything productive. The doctor came up with a treatment plan, because she advised the combination of drugs he had prescribed had significant risks, including seizures. She tried to do it in such a way that the side effects of withdraw would be minimized, but still told me to stay close and let her know how it was going. Once I was tapered back to a safe dosage, we would reassess my treatment options. That appointment was/is scheduled for the first week of July. However, the side effects had continued to get worse, the more I tapered down on the medication that was being eliminating. Even yesterday, I was still feeling disconnected and kind of dizzy. Like things getting to my brain were being passed through a wah-wah pedal first.

Today is the first day in a long time, that I have a sense of clarity. I’ve got a touch of a headache, but at least I’m not clenching my jaw in an attempt to grind my teeth into a bloody pulp. It’s scary that I could have been a day too hasty in giving up.

The Edge… There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Hunter S. Thompson - Hell's Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga

So there it is, my week. Why I’ve not been at work. Why I’ve been acting distant. Why I’ve been a bitch to a couple people, namely my mother. A lot of things. I quoted the verse “Let me tell you what I wish I’d known when I was young and dreamed of glory. You have no control. Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?” from the Hamilton musical. For today, I’m still at the helm, I still tell my own story. However, I came close to the edge.

I think I now know where the edge is, but as Hunter S. Thompson famously penned, “The Edge… There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others the living-are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to choose between Now and Later. But the edge is still out there.”

Holla Jesu Christe was originally published on TransVentures

#depression #suicide #transventures

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kbstories · 8 years ago

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Sixty Truths Tag!

I was tagged by Best Otacon @dancingaxolotl <3

1. Nickname(s): Jess, KB 2. Bias: ... of what? 3. Blood type: AB (I think) 4. Relationship status: Taken!! 5. Birthday: November 17th c: 6. Zodiac sign: Scorpio 7. Pronouns: She/her/herself 8. Hair length: Zarya Hair(tm) 9. Height: 5′6′’ 10. A crush: My gf!! <3 11. What do you like about yourself: My eyes, I think. 12. Right or left handed: Right. 13. List of three favourite colours: Blue, apple green, wine red. 14. Right now eating: Nothing but I had chinese duck earlier! 15. Right now drinking: ... Nothing. Let me get some water. 16. I’m about to: Write some fic? I don’t know yet. 17. Listening to: The whirring of my fan. It’s so hot fam send help 18. Kids: Nah. 19. Get married: I’d like to, yeah!

20. Recent phone call: A friend to ask where we wanna meet up.

21. Have you ever dated someone twice: I’m barely dating for the first time lmao 22. Been cheated on: Nope. 23. Kissed someone and regretted it: Kissed yes, regretted no. 24. Lost someone special: Yeah. 25. Been depressed: Yeah. 26. Been drunk and thrown up: On the next morning, once and never again. 27. Had glasses or contacts: Contacts (for cosplay though) 28. Had sex on a first date: No. 29. Broken someone’s heart: Not to my knowledge at least, hmm... 30. Turned someone down: Yes. 31. Cried when someone died: Yes. 32. Fallen for a friend: Yes, thankfully.

In the last year have you…

33. …made a new friend: A lot actually, yes c:

34. …fallen out of love: No, quite the opposite.

35. …laughed until you cry: All the time.

36. …met someone who changed you: Yes. More than one.

37. …found out who your true friends were: Yeah, more than I’d like. I’d say too many but the sooner you find out, the better.

38. …found out someone was talking about you: Is there ever a time someone isn’t?

39. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

40. Hugs or kisses: Kisses.

41. Shorter or taller: No preference, I think.

42. Romantic or spontaneous: I’m not picky when it comes to affection, I’m a sap though.

43. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive.

44. Hookup or relationship: Relationship.

45. First best friend: That I can remember? A girl called Marie in elementary school.

46. Surgery: No but I’m due for one later this year urghhh

47. Sports I joined: I did quite a few things but only horseback riding has stuck around.

48. Do you believe in yourself: I have to.

49. Miracles: I don’t believe in them but have no problems with people who do. To each their own.

50. Love at first sight: Yes.

51. Heaven: See above.

52. Do you have any pets: My cat Molly and my horse Lanthano, they are everything to me.

53. Do you want to change your name: No, I’m fine with Jessica.

54. What did you do for your last birthday: I... forgot, honestly. My memory is beyond shitty. I think I went for food with my parents? Yeah.

55. What time did you wake up today: Which of the times, is the better question. I remember 1:30am, 5am, and gave up around 7-8am.

56. What were you doing last night at midnight: Talking to @hayyie!!

57. Something you can’t wait for: Finishing the fic I’m working on. I missed writing a lot!

58. Last time you saw your mom: Last sunday. We made arepas.

59. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I could physically be there for the ones I love, not just words on a screen.

60. What’s getting on your nerves: I can’t think of nothing substantial at the moment.

I won’t tag anyone but feel free to tag me in your answers if you want to do it <3

#tag game #personal #long post

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ancreativeusername · 8 years ago

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The Fricked 5

I'm not sure why I'm writing this here, I have a hunch it'll never see the light of day. However, as I sit in my room (5am) in the midst of spring-time mucus, and seeing red through bloodshot eyes I can't help but sit here and reflect. On these 18 years of life. And 5 big things that have led me to write this.

Pop

My dad always pushed me to try new things. As a black 50-ish year old man from the military, he pretty much pushed me to be the same person he was, he even gave me the same first and middle name! Well before that he pushed for me to be named after some karate master he really liked, but could you picture a small black boy named “Quan Lee” roaming around without getting some snickers. There are other problems with having the masculine father figure my dad is, besides never being able to undo a lid he's touched. He just wants me to man up, but I'm no good at that. I like theatre, I know how to dress myself decently, and there's nothing too masculine about being into other guys. That's for me to know and him to find out I suppose. I tried to tell him once when I was 8 as an April Fools Joke! Well little did he know! It was not received well. So I just never opened up to him, 10 years later and we still live together but I've never known him. He's strong, he serves the ones he loves - and loves the ones he serves. He's my hero, despite his flaws, I just wish he knew me, the boy who's lived in his home for 18 years.

Mama Mia

We all know the nagging housewife trope. Everyone's gotten in a spat with their birth giver, maybe she kept them home when everyone who was anyone was going to Danny’s party tonight. Maybe she accused you of stealing her cheat day cookie she had been looking forward to all week even though you swear it wasn't your sticky, cocoa scented fingers. My mom has those quirks, she's also a little neurotic. Has your mom stolen your Christmas money for cigs? Maybe that's not so uncommon. Has she called her Cancer survivor mother a “sick b*tch.” Maybe she just didn’t have her coffee that morning. Has she ever asked you to go pick her up alcohol from a shady corner store and drive it back? She hasn't? Is it because you're under 21? Me too. Maybe those events are isolated, after all I have nothing to compare it too. I wish our time together wasn’t a series of denies and raised voices. No, mom, I won't buy you cigs. No, mother this is my food money for today, you already have 2 beers in the fridge. Sorry I'm not the cool “down to hang” friend of a son you needed. My mother left me when I was young, her and my grandfather got in a spat, some hands were thrown, some calls were made, police, apprehension, the slammer, you know how that story goes. I don't know what happened to her in there, but I know she won't talk about it. I was around 3, this could've all gone down mid diaper change for all I know. I never really saw her again until 2016, and it's just been a series of misadventures. I'm afraid. How can you know someone for near 2 decades yet sometimes forget their name. Who are these 2 adults living side by side me in my home. I love them dearly, I don't know why.

This Lovely Gal

Think of the girl next door, she's pretty, got a little bit of sass, nice house, good family. Through the course of half a decade you two are inseparable. Then one day you wake up, and she's gone. She hasn't killed herself no, but some days it feels the same because you'll never see her again. But from the beginning, 9th grade year you hit it off, she's a 14 year old girl so naturally there's baggage. Her music taste isn't great, she doesn't always do her homework, she's a little flirty with all the boys (and girls), she doesn't always eat, she's a bit into Cocaine, she's a “survivor”, one of her parent’s is a little crazy and a bit of a drug enthusiast (relatable!) and she likes anime. And with all of those distinct and variable qualities you two just hit it off. Through a kiss in the basement, discovering an island on the sea, taking a trip, and being in sync you suddenly reach an end. Well, what can be said, when Addy says “They were talking shit about you!” There's nowhere to go from there. After all, you found out they were talking shit! How could you possibly fix that? It would be like trying to put a bandaid on a bullet wound. So your bff is gone, as teen as this sounds, it is a bit surreal getting 200 consecutive “good morning streak!” Snapchats and then have them stop one day out of the blue. That's the biggest offense to a millennial in my opinion. Nonetheless I hope she's happy.

Byron

Boys are dumb, Byron was really dumb. Everyone has been offended by a naive guy but G was special. The first guy I can genuinely say I loved. Think about the most romantic experiences you have been on, or would like to go on with your significant other. I bet nothing could top ours. Like how one day we got stuck in a descending elevator in an abandoned garage and he wouldn't hit the open button, because for a second he thought he was gonna get to meet Jesus, and I guess that was pretty compelling! It's always the Christian ones you gotta keep your guard up around. Or, when you told him you liked him for the first time, after months of waiting and a bit of liquid courage, and his response was to give you a “Being Straight Tutorial Book”, wait, why did he have that? Things got jaded but after some time you were back on track, you even go to a party together, you talk a bit, mingle, share some laughs then you get a bit nervous. Before you know it, he's on the sidewalk sobbing and convulsing in front of some cops and an ambulance. I know what you're thinking “What did he take??” Nothing, this was just something that happened sometimes! Byron was an interesting guy, very religious and I think it got the better of him sometimes. Some time has passed and we're okay now, we probably won't go out for coffee any time soon but we can see each other and not spit. I just feel as if this is a good reflection on my love life history.

Some Various Substances

The Church isn't so kin on drugs. I know, it's pretty shocking. It's a bit taxing waking up Sunday morning after staying out Saturday night and having to interact. People asking why your eyes are so red, but you just haven't slept. When you accidentally hit “send” and suddenly pastor Joe gets to see what flavor of Mike’s Hard you favor. It's okay though you're the designated driver. “You can't be faithful to two masters. You'll love one and hate the other.” That's something I learned. It's hard to seek God and seek thrills, because one tends to lead to stability, and nothing in my life is stable. When it comes time to pick the one you follow, you'll make excuses, try to compromise, but you won't seek advice nor assistance. I suppose the decision for me was a little easier, when you're on a tab and someone says “What would Jesus think?” Well, what would he think. That's all I could think about for the next 6 or 7 hours. And sometimes it's better to play on the safe side.

I'm not sad. I’m not depressed. Although this was just the tip of the iceberg, maybe one day I'll go into detail, for now, I don't even know why I wrote this, it’s a bit cringey and also out of character. I'm not sure anyone will even see it. But in writing this I've learned something, although there's so many day to day unfortunate events, I also have tales on the other side of the spectrum. Scaling the waterfall, spending the day at the lake, going to the abandoned hospital. I began writing this because these are 5 pieces of my life, out of so many more that I'll have with me forever, and sometimes I can't bare feeling the way I do. Yet, if I hadn't experienced all that suffering, I wouldn't have experienced some of the most beautiful experiences a person could have. I can make a life for myself outside of today, I don't know that I'll ever continue this short story, but hopefully one day I'll be able to reread what I've written here today, and be relieved that I'm not there anymore.

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chickenstuffedwithmozzarella · 7 years ago

Note

Hello! I'm going to start answering the old ask first and then the one about the show, okay? Last week was busy? Because of Mother's Day? Or something else? I dont know if i have to cheer you up saying "dont worry, this week everything is going to go back to normal", or if i shouldnt because that will mean you'll get bored at work🙊 Did you brought the ballons finally? (1)

HIIII LOVE!!!! Ufffff, I didn’t realized Mother’s Day meant May was starting,jajajaja. May is our August. We have A LOT of places to go to make candy bars, do you know what it is? Well, we put it on communions, weddings… and we have a couple every weekend. So we make the things we put on the bar during the week. It’s a lot of work for all of us, but it’s the month we make the most money,jajajaja, so 🤷🏻‍♀️.I FORGOT the balloons 🤦🏻‍♀️😔. I totally did. I didn’t think about them till a bit before the show started, lol. It would have been so cool, but I totally forgot.

U didnt go to a lot of concerts? Dont say that! I’ve only gone to 2/3 shows. Not much. & much less this days, with so many festivals. Oh, yeah. Ed came some years ago, but i was too young. Uh, i feel u, the sale of the tickets was crazy. Like, we were supposed to go to see him in Mdd, and we ended up in Bcn, & with another kind of ticket, not the one we had agreed to buy. But totally worth it!! I know he has a reputation for being tedious and repetitive, but his sound live is not like that. (2)

Oh, there are so many concert and festivals these days. I guess I never was a kid to ask my parents for a lot of things, and I never really had someone who I liked enough to ask to go concerts,so 🤷🏻‍♀️. But I love concerts. The ambient… well, I already told you,jajaja. It feels like you’re around your people, or at least to me, bc I don’t know anyone in real life who likes the same music as I. And I loved it the time in the line,jajja. It was like we were camping. I don’t know, jajaja, it felt right. Ed has that reputation? I dididnt know about it. I’ve see a couple of videos, and I found it so difficult what he does,jajja, with the guitar and the pedal he uses to record his voice and all that.

HAHAHAHA. I am laughing because now you have not only managed to find a Larrie at Harrys’s show, but also at Niall’s!! Either there’s many of us, or you are a Larrie Magnet😂 How can i do the same?? Show me. She keeps up because i have tumble, and her bffs also have tumblr and twitter and they share the news on the groupchat. I mean, she doesnt know everything (no one does) but we tell her the important things.(3)

Jajajajajja, I think I’m s larrie-magnet,🤣🤣🤣. Hey, you have your own larrie-pal at home, what more do you need??? Jajaja. (I have my own anti at home, so…). You tell her important things??? I hope you’ve tell her about Louis last night!! Jajajja mymy, did you see him??? I missed him so much. He looked so good. And he’s so good. Ay, I could cry,bc he deserves a lot better from everyone, from life… You know “hay gente que nace con estrella, y gente que nace estrellada”? Well, I always think that about Louis. He never gets it right. But I really hope the future holds only good things for him. :/Well, your sister and her friends sound more organized than me, jajajajjaja. I’m now in a group chat, ajajaja, we’ll see how that works, or if I have Togo out bc they talk too much,jajajaja (I’m old, my phone ringing too much, makes me cranky🤣🤣🤣🤣👵🏻)

Yes, men suits tend to be more boring. Harry need to do something, but at the same time, dont. Harry + red carpets + cool suits + HQ pictures = my dead. Oh wow. You really are half-witch. JAJAJAJAA. Me as your sister trying to take profit of your hability. Isnt she smart?😂😂 did you really guess the birth of the little girl? How? (Can you guess the end of BG too? Pls end it). Oh! Okay, i get it now. He sounds pretty special then. (4)

Jajjaja jajajja, that’s true (I sometimes say things that louis (mostly) has said, jajaja, and that’s true is his response to Harry’s “the wind make nice waves”, jajajja, so read it with Louis’ voice😝). See?i almost had a heart attack yesterday when I saw Louis in a suit,jajajja.Well, she’s always looking at ways to make money of everything,jajja (no she doesn’t, but she does it more than me). I don’t know how,jajaja, we were making a “porra” and I thought that+and that+and that… it was more a guess, than a prediction, jejejeje. And I can’t control my predictions, they usually happen in my dreams. I wish I could end it. I’ve been wishing for it to end blowing my birthday candles for years, jajaja (and I can’t believe it’s been years 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Gay parade? JAJAJAJA. Listen, but why? Why would u take a cake to a parade? Do ppl usually do that? I’ve never seen it. Uuuh. Yes. Of course we are queer because its trendy, thats what we, dumb&young people do. Of couse. Being hated because of that is so cool!! I hate that logic. Uh. Not all changes are bad, and just bcs you dont see LGTB+ people doesnt mean they dont exist. I’m so sorry you had to stand that while you couldnt even yell at him! And you cake didnt deserve that insult either. (5)

Yeah, I don’t know his logic, but I guess he doesn’t use logic that much when he says things like that. And yeah, I mean, if you’ve never been hated for something like that, it can be hard to imagine. But also, I hate people who doesn’t care about their surroundings, y'know. I might never felt hated because my color skin (I’m white), but I know dark-skinned people suffer for it. So I’ll attend at whatever they say. And if I can make something to alleviate their pain or help them, I try to do it, y'know. But I can’t with people who only knows their own reality and doesn’t care to learn about the rest. (I don’t know if I’m making any sense bc I’ve been writing this sentence for a couple of hours,lol)

Oh no. She wasnt kind. It was meant to show me that she thinks i am to annoying and political, but i dont mind. It is what it is. What i found sad is that it wasnt even a boy who said that but a girl, but well. Whatever. Oh nono. Dont worry. I was just complaining because thats what i live for. I enjoy learning, but not this way. Anyway, it’s just one month and then summer!! I dont know if i will be working or not, but either way, it’s a great perspective. (6)

I feel like I have to say hi again, lol. I started writing yesterday (Tuesday) in the morning and now is Wednesday night 😒. May is so busy at the shop. And to add to that, today at 8am my cousin’s mom called me because he had woke up at 5am. He has a sleeping disorder, and sometimes he wakes up at 4-5am and he doesn’t go back to sleep. And I’m there for those days (bc the parents has to go to work, obviously). Anyway, I have to answer you now bc tomorrow will be busy too. I have to go to the shop to help my sister, bc we have TOO much to do.

Well, she doesn’t sound very kind. And I don’t know how good of a friend she can be if she says those things to you. And yes, I agree. I don’t like when people thinks like that, but when is a woman… I can’t. It’s like when some women say that “I’m sure she provoked him” when a girl is abused or raped. 😡😡😡.i, than am all for women solidarity, can’t comprehend how women can be “machista” (I can’t find the world in English?).And yeah, I’m the same. I love learning things, but I don’t like to be graded,jajajja. And, a free summer to go on vacation, or just rest, sounds amazing. But also, the money you can make working, sounds amazing, too,jajajjaja. Some people work for a month, and then enjoy the rest 🤷🏻‍♀️.

YEES. I SAW THE PICS. HE WAS SO CUUYTE. AND SMILING. Tought i feel bad because there was a lot of people around him and i dont like it. It gaves me the impression that people treat them as shiw monkeys :(. But anyway, i saw him!! 😍😍😍 Yep. I saw that theories too. Idk anything, but if that’s what he is doing, then i’ll wait. Of course i will. Did fhey really put For You in Pasapalabra? JAJAJAJA. He is trudly successing in life😂 Que nivel! (I sound ironic but I’m really happy internally). (7)

Awwwww, did you see him at that award show??? He is such a good person?? I hate that media doesn’t focus on that side of him. He’s kind, lovely, good amazing hugs, did you see how he kept rubbing her shoulder to keep her calm???? OMG! And,yeah, I hate that there’s always the same people around him, like he was a zoo animal.Yeah, I don’t watch Pasapalabra, but I got to watch it for a moment one day, and they have like this musical minute? And they played For You. I told my brother, and he told me that they play the same song every day for a week or more. So, I’m glad for Liam. He has a very good team behind him.

Surgery? Okay okay. Then i’m not asking, but i’m sending you luck and hugs!!! 🍀💕 I just saw that you did tell me about your irish nails. I must have not read that that day. Ups, sorry. I have finals, yes. I start tomorrow and i finish (if i pass everything at first try) around the 10th of June. I just have to suffer for a few weeks more.🤷 Thanks for asking!! (8)

Thanks love. I haven’t told anyone. Not even my friends know about it yet.

Ohhhhh, you’re in the middle of your exams. I really really wish you the best. That everything goes well, and you stay calm. And I hope you pass everything at your first try, so your summer is a bit longer. 😚😚

#o my lovely flower anon #I feel like this message is a complete mess #sorry if I don’t make any sense #or if I forgot to answer to something #or maybe I let a sentence without finishing it #🙄🙄 I’m able to do that in real life too #much love!

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