#and then she can be torn between him and yuri until she makes up her mind

[star-kovs]

You can’t tell me Min Ho going against doing what would impress his dad wasn’t A LITTLE inspired by Kitty telling him how she told Stella he could be sweet and was a good guy… he didn’t want to let her down 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[writemywaytoyourheart]

Onsra- Chapter 30: Sticks and Stones and Those Three Words

banner by: @envity​ <3

pairing: vampire!jungkook x female reader (also tae x ga-in oc & jimin x yuri oc)

genre: E2L, romance, angst, drama, horror

warnings for this chapter: uhm, language, a little blood and a bit of heartbreak sorry, also fluff

word count: 8.8k

Onsra: ML, Previous

Idk how I feel bout this one but let's get it.

____________________________________

“Y/n?”

“S-Seungwook?”

You’re staring at your old friend in shock as he drops the arm holding the gun to his side. “Y/n, you’re okay!” His eyes well up with tears of relief and a smile breaks out on his face. He steps forward as you climb to your feet, but Jungkook immediately pushes you behind him.

Seungwook’s eyes narrow as he scans Jungkook up and down, as if he’s just now noticing him. He shines the light at Jungkook, then his eyes widen, and he pulls his gun up, pointing it at his head.

“Get the fuck away from her, you monster.” He seethes, glaring at Jungkook.

“Seungwook! Seungwook, stop this. He’s not a monster.” You speak up, trying to move past Jungkook. But he won’t let you, he keeps an arm out to prevent you from getting any closer to the young man.

Jungkook scoffs, “Who the hell are you?”

Seungwook brings his gaze back to the vampire after glancing at you. “I’m y/n’s friend, who the fuck do you think you are?”

You feel Jungkook stiffen, but before he can answer, a loud crash is heard from outside the door. Gunshots sound and shouts follow, someone screaming to run. Seungwook looks towards the door, his face showing how torn he is, between going out to help or staying with you.

Jungkook reaches behind him and takes your hand, the next second, Seungwook seems to make a decision as he raises his gun again and shoots at Jungkook. You scream, falling to the ground after Jungkook shoves you out of the way. You grab your flashlight that’s still sitting on the ground and shine it towards the two now struggling. Jungkook twists Seungwook’s hand, making the gun drop to the floor as he screams in pain.

He punches Seungwook in the face and pins him against the wall, his eyes turning a deep shade of red as he glares at him. The boy just looks back at Jungkook defiantly, then he spits blood in his face from when Jungkook punched him.

The vampire surges forward, only stopping when you scream.

“Stop it! Don’t you dare bite him, Jungkook!” You stand up and rush over to him, pulling on his arms to get him to let go. Anger flows through him and he shoves you away, causing you to stumble from the force and fall on the ground, your flashlight rolling out of your hands.

A sharp pain flares up your tailbone when you hit the ground and you gasp. Jungkook finally seems to realize what he just did, his face dropping when he sees your face scrunching in pain. He doesn’t let go of Seungwook though, he just pins him to the wall harder as he watches you, needing to make sure you’re alright. When he sees you take your flashlight again, he speaks up, “Y/n, get out of here. Just run.”

Taehyung and Ga-In come running down the stairs at that moment and your best friend gasps when she sees who Jungkook has against the wall.

“Seungwook?”

“Ga-In.” Seungwook sends her a weak smile.

“Get out! All of you!” Jungkook hollers, which sets Tae in motion. He shoves Ga-In towards the door and grabs your arm, dragging you up off the floor.

“Jungkook, stop it. Both of you, stop!” You try to tell them, but Tae opens the door and shoves you out. You stumble but catch yourself, then you feel Ga-In drag you down the hall and out the front door, into the pouring rain.

~                ~                ~

“What did you do to her?” Seungwook hisses, grunting when Jungkook pushes him harder into the wall.

“I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you leave y/n alone.” Jungkook growls angrily, and Seungwook just laughs bitterly, blood dripping from his nose.

“Don’t tell me you’ve brainwashed her into thinking you’re the good guys. You’re fucking disgusting. Have you told her everything you do? Have you told her your plans?” Jungkook squints at him and he chuckles again. “Didn’t think so. I swear, I’m going to kill you one day.”

“Not if I kill you first.” Jungkook glares at him and tries to keep his urge of sinking his teeth into the guy’s wrist under control. He closes his eyes and pictures you touching his arm gently to settle him. When he opens his eyes, his irises are back to the lighter shade.

He shoves Seungwook towards the staircase roughly, making the young man trip and fall, groaning at the pain in his limbs.

“Come near me or any of my friends again, you’ll regret it. Got it?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, he just stalks out of the stairwell and slams the door shut. It’s eerily quiet as Jungkook makes his way to the front, hoping everyone made it out okay.

Jungkook steps outside, the cold rain soaking him through immediately. The rain is so heavy that you can’t see two feet in front of you. He walks down the steps then flinches when a hand grabs his arm. Jimin is standing there, totally soaked with a serious look on his face.

“Come on, now!” He shouts, pulling Jungkook into the rain. The two of them run down the dirt road that’s turned into mud, slipping and sliding but never falling. Finally, Jungkook sees the blue van up ahead, parked on the side of the road and out of the way, and they run for it.

Hoseok opens the side door and Jimin and Jungkook jump in, slamming the door shut behind them as Seokjin steps on the gas and speeds down the road. Rain batters against the car as Jungkook looks around and sees everyone made it out, then he feels himself panic, whirling around to try and find you.

He sighs in relief when he sees you sitting in his usual seat, staring out the window. He has an overwhelming urge to just climb back there and hold you, the fear that something almost happened to you still raw in his mind.

You look at him when you feel him staring, then you send him a glare and look back out the window. Jungkook’s stomach drops at that and he bites his lip, wiping the rain from his forehead and looking out the front as his hands clench and unclench.

~             ~                ~

Seokjin takes a lot of detours and goes in a few circles on the way back to throw off anyone who might be following.

“What the hell happened?” Taehyung growls at no one in particular, he just wants answers, not caring who gives them.

Namjoon has his head in his hands as he mutters. “I don’t even know, it all happened so fast. Yoongi hyung and I were searching for stuff when we heard someone come in the front door. We were about to tell you guys, but we couldn’t get the chance to talk without being heard.”

Yoongi takes it from there, “At first it was only one vampire, so we thought we could take him out and then tell everyone we needed to get out of there. But then more and more came, there must have been at least twelve. We stayed hidden and waited for a chance to alert you guys. That’s when a group of Hunters came in and literally started shooting up the place. I think they followed them.”

Jin’s jaw is clenched as he grips the steering wheel, he’s no doubt fuming over the fact that he was right in the beginning to not go at all.

Hoseok speaks up quietly, “We all hid the second we heard someone walking around on the second level. When we made our way downstairs, thankfully we only encountered one vampire, but we caught him off guard. We didn’t even know there were Hunters until we made it to the ground level.” Tae fills everyone in on what happened on your end, for the most part.

You hear that he and Jungkook found Ga-In on the second level trying to get the door open to follow you. Tae stayed with her to bandage her up because she had twisted her ankle and got cut on the shards of glass on the floor. Jungkook immediately ran downstairs to find you.

Everyone asks you what happened, but you just stay quiet and keep looking out the window. Jungkook doesn’t say anything either, so they eventually stop asking.  

By the time you make it home, it’s dark out. The leader parks the car and turns it off, then he slumps back in his seat, his wet hair making a little water mark on the head rest.

The car is full of labored breathing and fidgeting, nobody saying a word.

“That was the stupidest fucking thing we’ve ever done.” Seokjin snaps after a minute.

You couldn’t agree more.

You guys are lucky that you all made it out, it could’ve ended a lot worse.

That thought makes your stomach turn in a sick way, so you push it away and just whisper a quick thanks that everyone is okay.

When everyone climbs out of the car, you come out last. Jungkook and Yoongi are standing outside waiting for you. Jungkook offers you his hand to step out of the car but you brush him off and take Yoongi’s hand instead.

The older vampire helps you climb out, then he shoots Jungkook a confused look. The youngest just looks crestfallen, his shoulders sagging as he watches you move past them and head inside after thanking Yoongi.

“What the hell did you do?” Yoongi asks, but Jungkook just glares at him and stomps inside.

You told Seokjin that you weren’t hungry, so you were just going to head to bed.

Now, you’re towel drying your hair as you sit on your big bed, after changing into your giant white shirt that still has a tear in it and a light pink stain on the chest from when Yuri smeared the blood on you all that time ago. Your hair is still piled up in the ‘braids’ that Jungkook put it in earlier, but the flowers have long since fallen out. Your tailbone is killing you and you’re almost questioning whether you fractured it when Jungkook shoved you, but there isn’t really any way to find out.

A soft knock on the door makes you internally groan. You know exactly who it is, and you’d rather see anyone but him right now. You ignore it and fold your towel before setting it on your dresser. Then you remember that you forgot to give Koko his second round of pellets and you mentally slap yourself.

Stupid! Urgh!

Your nose twitches in irritation as you stomp over to the door and open it, revealing a slightly surprised Jungkook.

“Y/n-“

You move past him and hurry towards the stairs, running down them and into the living room. Everyone else is eating dinner in the dining room, so you walk over to the mantel and drop a few of Koko’s pellets into the water.

“Goodnight, Koko.” You whisper to the little fish as he swims around lazily.

“Y/n? Oh, uh.” You turn to see Seokjin covering his eyes. “Y/n, you don’t have pants on.” He says with his hand still over his eyes.

Again??

You turn red and look down to see that your shirt comes down to your knees but it’s still obvious that you have no bottoms on. You really need to stop running out of your room so suddenly.

“S-sorry, Jin. I just-…I came to feed Koko.” Your voice fades and you see the eldest chuckle, “Alright, I just heard someone running down the stairs and came to make sure everything was okay. I’m leaving now, goodnight.” He turns, one hand over his eyes and the other helping him find his way back to the dining room.

You shake your head, furious at yourself for being so stupid, but you’re glad that Seokjin is so polite and unjudgmental, as humiliating as that was. You move to leave the living room but Jungkook walks in just at that moment.

“Can we-“

You move past him and make for the stairs, holding your shirt as far down as you can as you climb the steps when you hear him behind you.

You make it to your room and you’re about to shut the door when Jungkook grabs it before you can. You glower at him but let go and go to your bed to sit down. Jungkook walks in and shuts the door.

“Turn around and let me put my pants on.” You snap when you see him staring at you. Jungkook’s eyes widen and he gives you a little nod before turning around and waiting for you to tell him he can look.

You grab your sweatpants and pull them on, then you sit on the bed with a huff. “You can look now.” You mutter grumpily. Jungkook turns back around and slowly comes up to the bed, a look of uncertainty on his face.

“Y/n, I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” You ask coldly. You don’t want to be mad at him, but the way he handled things tonight, by ignoring you and hurting you, makes you angry. Of course, he didn’t mean to hurt you, and you know that. But if he would just listen to you, it wouldn’t have happened.

“For everything. For not being with you and for not listening to you and for h-hurting you.” Jungkook’s gaze is locked on the floor.

“I’m not mad that you weren’t with me, Jungkook.”

He internally groans when you don’t use your nickname for him, knowing he messed up bad.

“I understand that the situation was completely uncalled for, and I don’t expect you to always be there to protect me. I was just as worried for you and the others as you were for me, Jungkook.” You don’t want him to think that all you need him for is protection, because that’s far from the truth.

Jungkook nods as you continue, “I also understand that you didn’t know who Seungwook was. I’m not mad at you for trying to protect me, but you didn’t even try to listen to me-”

“He shot at me!” Jungkook interrupts you angrily, the fact that you brought that guy up is pissing him off.

“I know!” You shout back. “And I was scared to death that he was going to hurt you! If he was here right now, I’d be angry with him too!”

“Oh, lucky for him he isn’t.” Jungkook scoffs, angering you further.

“Seriously Jungkook?! Can’t you even think for a minute why I would be upset?” You feel the tears coming, but you bottle them up.

“No! No, I can’t! He’s a fucking Hunter, y/n! He kills vampires, and I’m a vampire!! Do you even care about that??” Jungkook’s eyes are watering as he rants.

“You’re not a real vampire, Jungkook! All he must have seen are the real monsters, the ones killing people.” You seethe, all your horrible memories coming back. “The ones that murdered innocent humans for sport. I don’t know what he’s doing, and I do care about your safety, how dare you say otherwise.” A single tear slips out and you wipe it away angrily.

“I told you not to bite him because I care about you, Jungkook. He isn’t a bad guy, and I don’t want you to regret hurting another person. Why can’t you understand that? I’m trying to help you.”

Jungkook hesitates, your words slowly sinking in. But you defending Seungwook pisses him off too much for him to let it go. “If he’s such a good person, why don’t go and mess around with him then? Apparently, you’re done with me.”

You freeze at that. Jungkook insinuating that you’re some whore that plays around makes your blood boil and you glare at him fiercely. “Get out of my room.” You spit, disgust clear in your voice. After opening up to him and being so raw, your heart aches intensely.

His words finally sink into his brain as he realizes what he just said after he sees the hurt in your gaze. Jungkook steps closer, wanting to take it all back. “I- I didn’t me-“

“Yeah, you didn’t mean it. I get it.” You say, chuckling tearfully. “I get that even after everything we’ve been through, you think so lowly of me to say such disgusting things and then say you didn’t mean it. Why did you say it then? Get out of my room right now.”

Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat and backs away until he’s at your door.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, tears in his eyes.

“Sorry means more than just saying the words, Jungkook. Please get out.”

Jungkook nods and leaves your room, the click of the door echoes in your mind before you let the tears fall. They stream down your face, choking you as you stuff your face into your pillow and let yourself sob loudly.

You’re so angry and so hurt that you don’t even know what to do. Your heart is aching so bad that you feel like you might just be having a heart attack at this point. You hate how much you love him and remembering him say he loves you earlier makes the sting in your heart worse.

You wanted to say it back. You wanted to say it back and now it’s all ruined.

Seungwook was your friend for months, your only friend besides Ga-In, and you know he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He thinks he’s doing the right thing, but he doesn’t understand the truth about Jungkook. You didn’t get a chance to explain. All you wanted to do was make sure no one got hurt, but now Jungkook has misunderstood and thinks you don’t care about him.

Does he even love you?

Maybe he thinks he does, but it’s just because you’re the first person to treat him kindly after being bitten. That doesn’t mean he loves you. You know you love him, but after what he said, you’re thinking it’s all one-sided.

People say things when they’re angry. But it sounded like he meant it. And if he believes you were using him and you would go running to Seungwook at the first chance you got, then he knows nothing about you.

And how can he love someone he doesn’t know?

The thoughts swarming in your head are making it worse, the ache so deep that you just want to stab yourself in the heart to make it stop. Just make it stop.

You grab your pillow and stuff your face into it to drown out the sound, screaming as loud as you can.

~                  ~                  ~

After Jungkook closes your door, he goes to his room and shuts himself in.

Then he sits on the ground and leans his back against the bed. He pulls his legs up and hugs them, letting a few tears fall.

The guilt at what he said is making him sick. He just wants to go in there and tell you he really didn’t mean it and he has no idea why he said it. He was jealous and stupid, and he didn’t mean it.

He didn’t mean it.

“I- I’m s-sorry.” He chokes out and stuffs his head into his folded arms, beating himself mentally over his rash words.

Jungkook loves you so much that he doesn’t even know how to handle it. He’s never felt this way about someone, even before he was bitten. And now all of his emotions are confusing him enough anyway. He just wants to protect you and hold you forever, you’re so sweet and imperfectly beautiful that it makes his chest hurt when he looks at you.

And now he’s hurt you.

The one person he loves so much that he would do anything for.

Just because his jealousy and anger got the best of him.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

When he hears your muffled scream, full of anger and pure raw hurt, his chest aches and he sobs heavily into his knees, knowing he was the one to cause your pain.

~                  ~                     ~

Ga-In comes in an hour later. She quietly closes the door and walks over to the bed to see you curled up in the covers, half your face smooshed into your wet pillow while most of your hair is sticking to your tear-stained cheeks. You look at her blankly and she smiles at you sadly, then she climbs onto the bed and pulls you into her lap, wrapping her arms around you.

“What happened, girlie?” She whispers, holding you tight.

“He doesn’t love me, Innie. Not like I love him.” You whimper, then your best friend pulls away enough to get your hair our of your face. She sighs sadly, “Tell me everything.”

So, you do.

You tell her everything that happened after you two got separated up until your fight a little while ago, not leaving out a single thing. Ga-In listens quietly until you finish, then she muses.

“I was wondering what happened to Seungwook. I’m glad he’s okay.” You nod and she continues. “You said Jungkook said he loves you, so why would he say that if he doesn’t?”

You sniffle and wipe your nose, “I’m afraid he thinks he loves me because I was the first person to be nice to him. If he really thinks I would leave him for Seungwook, then he doubts my love for him, and he doesn’t know me at all. How can he love me if he doesn’t know me?”

Ga-In nods in understanding, “I see what you mean. But maybe he really didn’t mean what he said, he was obviously angry.”

“Has Tae gotten angry with you?”

“Well yeah, we’ve had our disagreements.”

“Has he ever said that to you? Accused you of not loving him and just messing with him?”

Ga-In looks thoughtful, then she sighs. “No, he hasn’t. But he also hasn’t been struggling as much with his emotions as Jungkook has for so long.”

You look at her curiously, wondering how she knows, and she squints at you. “You think I haven’t noticed? Taehyung told me how you asked about his heart, and how he had no idea where you got that idea. It’s Jungkook isn’t it?”

You don’t answer and her eyes fill with tears.

“Y/n, how can he be able to control his emotions when his heart doesn’t even beat? Even though, that doesn’t mean what he said didn’t hurt you, and it was wrong. But it’s a miracle that he’s not gone yet, and that can only mean one thing.”

“What?” You whisper tearfully.

“That he really does love you. After he drank that man’s blood, he wouldn’t have been able to hide his feelings of hatred for everyone if he turned. Not unless something real slowed it down.”

Slowed…

Slowed it down…?

Then it hits you like a flying brick.

Fuck.

Ga-In sees your panicked look and she speaks up, “What is it?”

“Oh no…Ga-In I thought it stopped, I’m so stupid.”

“What do you mean, y/n?”

“I- I thought since he didn’t turn then Seokjin was wrong. I thought they were all wrong and he was okay for now, he acted like he was okay. I’m so stupid.” Tears start streaming down your face. “You’re right, Innie. It didn’t stop, it slowed down. The sun, his mood swings…he’s still turning.”

You’re fully crying now as you scramble out of her arms. “Where is he? Where’s Kook?”

“T-Taehyung heard him crying in his room, he said he was going to check on him.”

You jump off the bed and run to your door, flinging it open and stepping across the hall to open Jungkook’s door. You don’t even bother knocking, you just barge in and see him curled up by his bed. He looks up and you see the tear streaks down his puffy cheeks.

“Kookie.” You breathe, your heart breaking at the sight of him.

“Y-y/n. I- I’m so s-sorry.” Jungkook sobs and holds his arms out to you. You hurry over to him and hug him, feeling his arms wrap around you and hold you tightly, as if he’s afraid if he loosens a little, you’ll just fly away.

You stuff your face into the crook of his neck and let your tears fall.

“I love you, Jungkook.” You cry into his neck, relieved that you can finally say it. Jungkook feels his chest aching and he tries to breathe steadily as he strokes your hair. “I love you too, so much. Please forgive me, y/n. I didn’t mean a word I said, I was a piece of shit for saying that to you.”

“I forgive you.” You sniffle and hold him tighter against you.

“Thank you.” He chokes on his tears and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. You pull away enough to wipe his tears, your own still falling. Then you lean in and kiss him slowly, feeling his hands move up to cradle the back of your head as he deepens the kiss. You taste the saltiness of both your tears as he pulls you in again.

You finally break away for a breath and he sniffles while he tries to clean up your face, using his sleeve. “Jungkook.” You get his attention when you take his face in your hands and he stops dabbing at your tears. His red eyes shine with unfallen tears while you look at him.

“Please talk to me, Kookie. I know that you’re not alright. Please, please just trust me and talk to me. I know you’re afraid and it’s okay.” You whisper, still cupping his face gently.

Jungkook sighs shakily and reaches up to take one of your hands, “I do trust you; I trust you with everything in me. I’m just-…” His voice breaks and he clears his throat. “I’m just so scared.” You nod and he pulls you closer to hug you again.

“I can’t do this, y/n. I c-can’t do this.” His broken sobs make your throat close. “I can feel myself slipping and I’m so scared. I don’t want to be a monster, I’d rather die than be a monster, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it.” His breath hitches. “I can’t stop it, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry y/n.” He cries freely into your shoulder and you feel your heart break more than it ever has.

“Kookie.” You whisper soothingly, petting his head to help him calm down. “I’m here with you, and you can’t get rid of me. You’re going to be okay, you can’t give up yet.” A few tears slip out and you clear your throat.

“I won’t let you give up, not now and not ever. You can do this.”

“I can’t…”

“Yes, you can, Kookie. You can fight it; I know you can. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, and you’re not alone. You have me, and all your hyungs, Yuri and Ga-In too.”

“They hate me.” Jungkook sniffles sadly.

“What do you mean?” You pull back to look at his wet face.

“Ga-In and Yuri hate me. They’d kill me if they had a chance.” He wipes his nose, refusing to look at you. You stifle a laugh at how cute he looks and kiss him on the nose gently, “They don’t. Yuri is just a spitfire, and Ga-In helped me stop being dumb and see that you really love me.”

He looks up at you, sadness filling his gaze. “Y-you thought I don’t love you?”

“For a minute there, yeah. I thought you meant what you said, but now I know you didn’t. I can see you struggling Kookie, and I’m so proud of you.”

“Why? You shouldn’t be proud of me for struggling, I should have overcome it by now for you to be proud of me.”

“That’s not how I see it. I see it as the fact that you’re still struggling means you haven’t given up yet, and I couldn’t be prouder.” He sniffles again at your words.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“How did I ever get lucky enough to meet you? I’m sorry I can’t be more for you.” His voice is so quiet you lean in to hear him better. “I just wish I could be better for y-”

You put a finger to his lips to make him stop talking.

“That’s enough, Kook.” You wipe your eyes one last time and stand up, grabbing for his hand to help him up as well. Then you gently push him onto his bed.

“Lie down.”

He quietly follows your request, laying his head on his pillow but keeping his eyes on you. You kneel at the side of his bed, so your face is level with his head. “Close your eyes.” You whisper and he closes them. You stroke his hair and start humming a random tune that pops into your head.

You know you’re not the best singer, and your voice cracks a lot, but the content little smile on Jungkook’s face makes you not even care. You keep brushing your fingers through his hair and singing softly, watching his face relax more until he’s breathing steadily, out like a light. You swallow your tears and keep singing, memorizing every line of his face, the little mole on his nose and one under his lip, his long lashes resting against his pale cheeks, his dark locks falling over his forehead, and the way his eyes flutter slightly when he’s sleeping.

The thought that you might lose him forever lingers in your mind as you try to wipe your tears. You never thought you’d fall in love with him, not in a million years. And now that you’ve found the one thing you never knew you needed, the cruel world is trying to take him from you.

But you won’t let it.

You’ll love him for the rest of your life, whether he turns or not.

You just hope he won’t forget about you or learn to hate you with all that he is. You don’t think you could stand seeing him turn in front of you, losing who he is each second and not being able to stop it. You can’t imagine how the other boys must have felt seeing their youngest become the one thing that destroyed him in the first place.

Before heading to your room, you look at the sleeping boy one last time, rubbing your thumb along his cheek gently.  

“I’m going to save you, Jeon Jungkook. I promise.” You whisper so quietly that your voice breaks.

~            ~              ~

When you open your bedroom door the next morning, you see Jungkook right outside and leaning against the wall. The second he hears you, he looks up and his face brightens.

“Hey.” He says hesitantly.

You smile at him and step out of your room, “Hey, Kook.”

He looks a lot better than he did last night. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him look as vulnerable as he did before he fell asleep. Now, he looks like your old Kook again, but there’s a hesitancy in his eyes, almost like he doesn’t want to upset you.

“Uh, can we talk?” He asks and you nod immediately.

You grab a breakfast bar from Seokjin in the kitchen before meeting Jungkook on the porch. He’s got a hoodie on with the hood up besides it being a nice day outside, and you know that the sun is still bothering him.

You two walk to the little clearing that you always go, and he moves to lean against the trunk of the willow tree. Once he’s in the shade he takes his hood off. You sit close to him on the grass, hating the awkward silence between you two. Jungkook clears his throat and you look up at him, waiting for him to say something.

“I just wanted to apologize again, for last night.” He says quietly and you stand up to move closer to him. “Kook, I already forgave you, and I’m sorry that you thought I didn’t care about you. I could’ve chosen my words better and tried to be more understanding of how you saw the situation.”

He gives you a weak smile and shakes his head. “I just let my jealousy control me, and it was wrong of me. There’s no excuse for my behavior.” He looks at you as you stare at your fingers, fiddling with them.

“I was so scared.”

You look up at his words, seeing his eyes glisten a little. He straightens up and you can see all the emotion in his gaze as he looks at you, “I was so scared that I was going to lose you.”

Your eyes soften and you bite your lip before speaking. “You won’t lose me, Kookie.”

He shakes his head again, “If I hadn’t found you when I did, I would’ve lost you. I would’ve lost you to death or something so much worse.” His voice breaks and you see the tears welling in his eyes. “I don’t know what I would do with myself if you were hurt because of me.”

“Koo, nothing that happened was because of you.” You say softly, hating that he blames himself for something that was beyond anyone’s control. “I’m okay, I’m alive. Because you saved me.”

Jungkook sniffles and wipes his nose with his sleeve before he opens his arms, “C-can I please hold you?” You nod and step into his hold, letting him wrap his arms around you. “I would never forgive myself if I had let something bad happen to you.” He murmurs into your hair.

“I’m okay, Kookie.” You whisper soothingly, patting him on the back comfortingly. You hear him take in a shaky breath. “Please, don’t ever leave me. Please, y/n.”

“I wouldn’t even if you told me to.” You say with a small smile.

“I won’t, I won’t ever. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you, little flower. Please remember that.” Jungkook’s voice breaks as he speaks and you find yourself wiping your eyes, trying to push back the haunting thoughts that plague your mind.

“I will. You need to know that I will never leave you, Kook.” You look up at him, trying desperately to prove that you’re speaking the truth. He can see it in the desperation in your eyes. “I don’t care what you look like or what you need to eat, I love you.”

Jungkook cups your cheeks so gently it’s as if he’s holding a fragile teacup, then he leans down and presses his lips to yours softly. He pulls back to take a quick breath before kissing you again, and again. You start to giggle, and you feel Jungkook smile into the kiss when he goes back in for another. Your hands are holding his shoulders as his wrap around you and move to your lower back.

Jungkook pulls you into him a little more, but the pressure he puts on your sore tailbone causes a pained gasp to escape your lips. Jungkook pulls away, his brows furrowed, concern filling his gaze. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

You shake your head and let out a puff of air, “N-no, I’m fine.”

“You’re lying. What’s the matter, y/n? Did I do something?” You can see the panic in his eyes as he searches your face. You shake your head again, “I’m fine, Kook.”

“Don’t lie to me. I thought we were going to be honest with each other.” Jungkook’s voice has a tinge of irritation in it, upset that you’re hurt and not telling him.

You feel a bit of your own annoyance at his words, “You can’t say I’m the only one that’s lying. There are things you’ve kept from me too, you know.” You pull out of his arms and he sighs. “Y/n…I kept some things from you to protect you, telling you wouldn’t do anything but make you upset and worry.” He tries to defend himself.

“Well, why can’t you believe that’s why I don’t tell you some things?” You snap back, irritated that the moment was ruined. Jungkook clenches his jaw, “If you’re hurt, you need to tell me.”

“Why?” Now you’re just being stubborn, and you know it. You didn’t want him to find out, because he would just blame himself. You’re mad at yourself for reacting to the pain and when he accused you of being the only one to hide the truth that just irked you even more.  

You hate fighting with him, but all your emotions are in a twist and you can’t help but snap back. Jungkook surprises you though, when he clenches and unclenches his fists and takes a few breaths before apologizing.

“Ok, you’re right.” You look at him in shock. “You’re right, it isn’t fair for me to expect you to be fully honest with me if I don’t give you the same trust back. I’m sorry.”

You blink a few times, then you clear your throat. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have been stubborn and kept the fight going.”

Jungkook smiles and steps over to kiss you on the forehead, then he takes your hand. “So, are we good?” You nod. “As long as we agree to actually be honest from now on.” You mumble and he laughs. “Ok, it’s a deal. Now, are you hurt?”

You nod reluctantly and Jungkook brushes your hair out of your face. “Where are you hurt, love?”

“My tailbone.” You whisper quietly and he leans in. “Your what, baby?” You sigh, cheeks turning crimson from the pet names. “Tailbone.” You say a little louder.

Jungkook’s face drops and you internally beat yourself up, knowing this would happen. He takes your chin to lift your face to look at him. “I hurt you, didn’t I? Last night when I pushed you.” His voice wavers and you quickly shake your head. “N-no, Kookie. You didn’t even push me that hard, I just lost my balance and tripped.”

That isn’t the truth at all but knowing the full truth will hurt him more.

Jungkook steps away and brings his hands up to his head. “Fuck, I hurt you. I fucking hurt you.” He mutters, clearly upset. “Kook.” You reach out to him and he pulls you into a hug, careful not to touch your lower back. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Please stop saying that. You already said sorry and I forgave you, you’re making me feel sad, Kook.” He nods and pulls away to wipe his eyes. He cries so much these days, you think sadly.

“Ok, let’s go home and see if Seokjin hyung can get you something to help.”

“Alright.” You smile at his determined face as he grabs your hand and practically pulls you all the way back to the house.

When you’re about five minutes from home, you see something in the trees from the corner of your eye. But when you look, there’s nothing.

It was as if someone was hiding behind a tree and watching you. You shiver and look ahead, putting it off as figment of your stressed-out brain’s imagination. But the second time you see a flash of black, you look to the side quickly and see a man looking out from behind a tree. Your stomach clenches in fear, then you realize who it is.

Seungwook.

How…how did he find this place?

Your heart races as you see him notice you staring. He tilts his head at you, then he steps back into the trees and he’s gone.

“Y/n? You okay?”

Your head whips back to see Jungkook looking at you curiously, “Y-yeah, just tired is all.”

~                         ~                            ~

Ga-In grabs you the second you two step inside. Now Jungkook and Ga-In each have a hand and you’re standing between them.

“We need to talk.” Ga-In says, a look of seriousness on her face.

Jungkook frowns, “But, we need to see Seokjin hyung-“

“It’s okay, Kookie. You go ask him if he has anything and I’ll be back soon, alright?” You squeeze his hand and he looks at you before nodding reluctantly. He gives your hand a quick squeeze before making his way to the kitchen to look for the eldest.

Ga-In immediately yanks you up the stairs and to your room, where Yuri is sitting on the bed, fidgeting.

“What’s going on?” You look between them.

“It’s Jimin.” Ga-In says and you frown in confusion, “What about him? He’s okay, right?”

“He’s a human.” Yuri blurts out, still looking at her hands that are clenching.

Your eyes widen and your throat closes. “W-what?”

Yuri doesn’t even hesitate, “He told me he loved me today, and I said it back. A few minutes later his eyes were dark brown, and his color was coming back.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

“Y-You love Jimin?” You stutter and she nods her head simply. “Yeah, I do.”

“Oh…and you guys didn’t…you didn’t kiss?” You say awkwardly.

She nods, “Well, yeah. But only a minute before he said he loved me.”

Your stomach turns into knots at the news.

“A-and he turned human…just like that?”

“Just like that.” Yuri muses, staring at the wall now.

“Th-that’s great! H-he must be so excited.” You force a smile onto your face and Yuri lets a little smile slip out. “He is.” She whispers.

“Well, why aren’t we celebrating? Let’s go and congratulate him.” You try to sound cheery, but you see Ga-In watching you sadly. Yuri also looks at you, a look of sympathy on her face.

“Why aren’t you guys smiling? Isn’t this a good thing?” You’re beyond confused now. Yuri sighs, never one to beat around the bush, she gets up and walks over to you.

“I heard about Jungkook.”

“Oh.” You can’t think of anything else to say. She smiles sadly and touches your arm, “We don’t fully understand what’s going on at this point for anyone, he might still be okay.”

“O-of course he’s okay.” You force another smile. “He’s alright.”

The tears come before you can even comprehend it; sliding down your cheeks as you turn and grab your sweatpants and your extra floppy t-shirt. “Everything is fine, don’t even worry.” Your tone oozes with fake cheeriness as the girls helplessly watch the tears stream. You turn and start changing your pants, “I’ll get into more comfy clothes and then we’ll go down and talk to Jimin.” You keep rambling, trying not to break down.

You change as quickly as you can and wipe your eyes, hurrying out the door before either of the girls can say something else. You run down the stairs and into the living room where Jimin is sitting on the couch, surrounded by the other members, a very smug looking Tae next to him. Jimin looks up and smiles at you when you come in. You feel tears prick at your eyes again, but this time they’re happy tears.

You walk over and Jimin stands to hug you, “Ah, y/n-ah. Don’t cry, you’ll make me cry.” He laughs and you sniffle while nodding and trying to dry your face. Seokjin is sitting in one of the armchairs, his face lit up with a bright smile.

“You girls sure are confusing the heck out of us.” He says and everyone starts laughing. You snort a laugh while wiping your nose. Ga-In and Yuri walk in and Yuri moves to sit by Jimin, Tae pulling Ga-In into his lap.

You look around and see Jungkook standing against the wall, looking at the ground and fidgeting with something in his hand.

“How does it feel to be a weak human, Jimin?” Hoseok pushes the younger on the shoulder playfully. Jimin grins, “I feel so alive!” That sets everyone into another round of laughter. You see Jungkook smile a little, still focused on whatever he’s holding.

You walk over and side hug him, taking him by surprise. He looks up and smiles, “Y/n, I didn’t see you come down. I- I got something to help with the pain from Jin hyung.” He holds up the little container.

Jungkook leads you to the bathroom down the hall from the living room, “Uh, it’s some kind of pain relief ointment, he said it should help with aches and stuff.” He’s staring at the ground as he hands it to you. You tilt his chin up to look at you again and smile. “Thank you, Jungkookie.”

He smiles sadly and leans against the wall of the hallway to wait for you to put it on. You close the door and take a little of the ointment on your fingers, then you lift your shirt and put it on your lower back. You look in the mirror for guidance and see a tiny little bruise where you fell as you gently rub it in.

You come out a minute later just as Jin announces that it’s lunch time.

~               ~               ~

The rest of the day is spent hanging out in the living room with everyone as you try to quiet your anxious thoughts.

You love Jungkook, you know you do. You love him more than you ever thought you could love someone, so why didn’t it work? You never even thought about it changing him back when you kissed him or when you said you loved him. You just did those because you felt like it was the right time, and you wanted to.

Is he really too far gone?

No, he can’t be.

Your biggest fear right now, is Jungkook knowing how the other boys turned back. You’re afraid he’s going to think that you don’t actually love him because it didn’t work, or that he’s going to blame it all on himself.

You keep spacing out throughout the day, only coming back when Jungkook kisses your cheek and asks if you’re alright.

The other boys watch you two, secretly wondering what’s going on. Jungkook is still cold and short with everyone else, but you. They haven’t seen him being so kind to someone else since before he was bitten.

Jungkook tries not to glower while everyone freaks out over Jimin and Tae every minute. He doesn’t want to think about it. Because he knows what they did, and he knows it didn’t work for the two of you.

And he blames it all on himself.

He knows he’s the reason it didn’t work, because he drank that man’s blood, he’s cursed you to be in love with someone that can never fully give you what you deserve.

He hates himself for that.

If someone were to look in the window from the outside, all they would see are smiles and laughter all around. They would never guess that each individual is obsessing over a problem of their own inside their minds, while they joke and smile to cover it all up.

~                ~               ~

“Will you sleep with me tonight?” Jungkook pleads outside of your bedroom door while he leans on the frame and gives you puppy dog eyes.

You laugh nervously, feeling butterflies swarming in your tummy. “Jungkook, don’t be silly.”

He frowns, quieting his voice when he sees over your shoulder that the other girls are eavesdropping while giggling. “I’m serious. I miss you, and I need to hold you. I don’t want to have nightmares again.”

“Nightmares?” You ask worriedly, you didn’t know he was having bad dreams. Jungkook shifts on his feet, “I- I dreamt that that asshole bit you, that he turned you into a vampire, and-…never mind.” He mumbles in embarrassment.

You step out of the room and close the door, gesturing for Jungkook to go into his room. He goes to sit on his bed and you follow him, putting your hand on his arm gently. “Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to forget?”

He shrugs, eyes shining.

You cuddle into his side and hug him tightly, “Tell me what happened.”

He hesitates for a minute, then he sighs. “Y-you turned into a vampire, a-and you changed completely. You hated me, and everyone else, and you started killing people left and right. The y/n I fell in love with was destroyed, and there was nothing I could do to save you.” His voice cracks and you look up at him, reaching a hand to cup his face and make him look at you.

“Hey, look at me.” He does, a single tear sliding down.

“That will never happen, I promise. You’re big and strong and you’ll always protect me, right?” You feel relief flood through you when he smiles tearfully and nods.

“Lay down, baby.”

Jungkook feels his chest warm at what you call him, then he lays down, pulling you down next to him. Your head is a few inches from his, lying on his pillow as he stares at you. His eyes are so big and bright, and full of so much love that you feel yourself getting choked up. “Will you sing to me?” He whispers and you nod, then you start stroking his hair like you did last night.

Gently caressing his face, you start to sing an old lullaby that you thought you’d forgotten, the words coming into your mind randomly as you sing it for the first time in a long time. Jungkook is sleeping before too long, his little breaths even and slow.

You lay there and watch him sleep, running your thumb along the little scar on his cheek, wondering how in the world you ended up in this position.

Your love for him scares you, when everything around you is telling you over and over again that something bad is going to happen, he’s going to be taken away from you in some way, it’s hard to just relax and feel happy.

Seeing him cry because he wants to be human again breaks your heart in ways you never thought it could be broken. You wish you could just kiss all his wounds away and make him smile all the time, take away all his fears. You stare up at the ceiling after a while, hearing him breathing steadily beside you.

Then a thought pops into your head. You think about earlier, seeing Seungwook…How could you have forgotten?

You sit up and carefully move yourself out of Jungkook’s arms, which is no easy task. Then, you tiptoe across the room and shut the door gently behind you. The house is quiet, so you creep down the hall and the stairs, mentally cursing yourself for being so stupid.

But you just need to check.

You grab your shoes and pull them on, then you grab a jacket and a flashlight and sneak outside. The fear that immediately sits in the pit of your belly makes you second guess your intelligence for the umpteenth time since you thought of this.

You hate the dark. You hate the woods, and monsters, and being alone, and pain. You absolutely hate pain. And if all of this goes wrong, everything you’re afraid of will most likely happen.

With those so very encouraging thoughts to keep you occupied, you start off in the direction of the clearing. You only make it five minutes from the house when you give up, the terror inside you while walking through the dark woods has finally won out over the stupidity of coming in the first place. So, you turn to head back.

“Y/n.”

You freeze at the sound of his voice, then you turn and shine your light on the tall young man who’s stepping out from behind a tree.

“Seungwook…”

“Y/n, I’m so glad you’re alive.” He smiles and you smile back, relieved to see he’s okay, but there’s also a lingering sickness in your tummy that you’re betraying Jungkook by being here.

No.

No, you’re here because you’re protecting him.

You need to explain everything to Seungwook before he does something he’ll regret.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Seungwook. I thought you were dead.” You say quietly, remembering the last memory you had of him being as you were dragged away from your home.

“I thought the same of you.” He smiles again and takes a step closer. “Y/n, where’s Ga-In? We need to get out of here. I can help you get out.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “I- I don’t need to get out, Seungwook. They aren’t the bad guys.”

His face hardens and he shakes his head, “They’ve brain washed you, y/n. They kidnapped you and done who knows what to you. Why are you trusting them?”

“They saved me, they didn’t kidnap us.”

“Y/n, get your mind together. What are you saying? The vampires are the good guys? Those monsters?”

“They aren’t monsters. Well, not all of them.” You say desperately, trying to figure out how to explain.

“Y/n, please. I can’t stand to see them trick you like this, please just come back with me.”

“I can’t, please just listen Seungwo-“

“I love you.”

Your breath catches in your throat. “W-what?”

He doesn’t flinch as he repeats his words.

“I love you, y/n.” 

_____________________________________

a/n: bitch what-

tag list: @jjungkook99 @ditttiii @fekitza @rubinora @xxxanimangxxx​ @mygukandonly​ @elliegrace1999tvd​ @nikikookie​ @karissassirak​ @howbizarre​ @lettersforjoon @krystle1990​ @adelina1299​ @your-best-behaviour​ @jeonjungkookismyfuture​ @squidyelmosquidbutt​ @hopeworld-baseline​ 

[queerchoicesblog]

Like Snow (Edge of Extinction, Grace x MC x Anna)

So, here's the fanfic I promised. Warning: it's kinda sad but if you're playing the book it doesn't exactly strike as happy sunshine, right?

I wrote it portraying the POV of the three women (Grace, F!MC Ellen and Anna) so yeah, it's like having 3 fanfics in one xD It takes place immediately after the latest episode and shows how the relationships/bonds evolve between the three women. It's non-canon obviously so feel free to disagree. Hope you enjoy it though!

Disclaimer: all the characters do not belong to me, they're borrowed from @playstoryscape game as well as a few lines of the original book.

Moreover, this fanfic is influenced by my playthrough where Pavel dies in the rescue of the hermit and F!MC gets the new outfit triggering the scene with Grace. There are also references to death, alcohol consumption, grieving and (internalized-ish) homophobia: if you're not comfortable with these issues, please consider skipping this.

Word Count: 2500+

Tag: @storyscaped @storyscapefanficarchive @aestheticsayeed @ghost-of-yuri @andi-the-cat (not sure your yes meant add me so feel free to ignore it in case you're not interested xD) @animus-and-anima

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Grace POV

There she is!

The ex-military took a sigh of relief as she spotted Ellen on the other side of the church. She didn't tell anyone where she was heading and an uncomfortable feeling of concern took hold of Grace even if she kept herself busy with chores and checking in on Mari, baby Pavel and everyone else. Now that Ellen was here though it was as if a huge burden was lifted off her chest: too many things went wrong out there not to worry when someone left their sanctuary. Not to make a habit to brace yourself for the worst even after the hermit was successfully cured and part of the crew.

When she was a few steps away, Grace leaned over a pile of boxes and took in Ellen's figure. The Doctor was checking herself in a crooked mirror they found in an abandoned clothes shop in Tromstad. Fine new black boots, jeans that fit perfectly enhancing every curve, well every curve that survived the malnourishment they all experienced. A white top under a gorgeous leather jacket that made her look radiant and tough. Grace found herself staring a bit longer than she probably should have and for once, for so long after all the tragedies that haunted the group of survivors...for the first time after her husband passed away a life ago, she decided not to predict herself for that.

Instead, she allowed herself to break into a grin as she wondered whether she chose those clothes accidentally or because they reminded her of the outfits she used to wear before the world they knew was torn asunder. When they were strangers living miles and miles away and most likely would have never met if it wasn't for that tragedy. A sudden thought made the soldier smile, almost blush: yet if by chance she had walked past her in the street or crossed her path wearing those clothes, she would have made her turn her head to follow such a vision.

"I like the new looks. It suits you" she said after a moment, hoping not to scare the doctor.

Ellen froze for a moment then spun towards her. The look on her face was a bit confused and wary: she wasn't expecting such a comment from Grace or she had no idea how to take that. Luckily, it soon softened into slight amusement as she relaxed. To prove that she meant no harm, Grace crossed her arms and playfully raised an eyebrow, breaking her usual military demeanor: a look not many got to see.

Apparently, Ellen noticed as there was a hint of tease in her voice when she answered:

"Thanks. I...guess I clean up pretty well"

Understatement of the century, Grace noted in her head but Ellen was now looking at her with curiosity, surely trying to figure out what were the soldier's true intentions as she wasn't known for outstanding bonding skills nor frivolous conversation. Realizing that she needed to provide some sort of explanation for such an off character behavior, she cleared her throat and gave a quick smile.

"Noticed you'd wandered off, so I came to check on you. Didn't mean to intrude"

The Doctor looked a bit surprised but was quick to conceal it. She just shrugged and smiled back, gesturing that there was no need for apologies. 

Grace gave a polite nod, ready to shift back into her military demeanor...but for some reason she failed. Instead of walking away as she knew she should have done or Ellen probably expected her to do as she was already turning to gather her old clothes scattered on a chair, Grace spoke again. The words that kept haunting her for days dropped out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"I don't know how it's all going to play out when we get there, but I know one thing: we never would have made this far without you"

Ellen froze for a moment then turned: surprise was written all over her face. Grace sighed and continued.

"I wanted you to know we're all grateful. Everyone knows how much the group needs you"

She buried the most compromising part, grateful to her military training that thought her to say less "I" and more "we", the crew, the group when speaking to others. So she hid behind a grateful smile how much she, Grace, the woman underneath the army fatigues she was still wearing needed her, Ellen, the foolish, heroic woman with a medical degree.

"I'd say the same about you" 

Of course Ellen wouldn't just accept a compliment: Grace should have known that the resident proved herself to be generous and selfless enough to give it back and appraise her leadership. Typical Ellen, she thought, unable to prevent herself from smiling. 

"I know nothing is guaranteed" she added after much internal debate whether to keep the conversation going or retreat before it was too late: feelings are a minefield. "But the future doesn't seem hopeless anymore. A lot of that is because of you and everything you've done"

Yeah, that was a nice way to put it down into words. With a bit of luck, Ellen wouldn't have grasped the hidden layer of meaning of it: Grace had been so secretive and distant, how could she suspect that she had been a light in the dark in so many ways?

F!MC POV

The cold breeze of the night welcomed Ellen as she stepped out of the church. She wrapped her wool scarf around her and took a deep breath. She needed a break: she wasn't able to get back to sleep last night after seeing Anna hurting so bad...but the woman she kissed what sounded like in another life only pushed her away. Again. As her wobbly figure disappeared out of view she laid back in her tent but she had no luck getting back to the safe faraway of dreams. The day kept her busy and the group kept her busy: no new threat was in sight but there was so much to do to properly prepare everyone for the trip. But now she had nothing to keep her from reminiscing Anna's hurtful drunken words.

"Maybe I was wrong to leave Pavel for you. Maybe all of this started because I was unfaithful to him"

"I love you. I just..."

"I know I've made things hard on you lately. But I just keep thinking about Pavel"

Same old story just with a touch of tragedy this time. "I love you but": God knew if it hadn't been a pattern for Ellen. She couldn't count the times she heard this. But now it was the woman, unhappy former athlete who just started to shine again until shit happened and Ellen failed. Devastating despair was in Anna bright eyes as she cradled Pavel's lifeless body and begged her to do something. Ellen was a doctor, right? She could certainly do something to save him. But no, Ellen couldn't. It was too late for that, she could only bury the hatchet and whisper a dying man a comforting lie not even him believe to. 

Anna never met her gaze again that day and the day after, shuttering herself in mourning isolation. She had never been the same since that day and the accidental meeting they had last night confirmed it. As much as it hurt, now there was only Pavel and her self-guilt in Anna's mind: no more room for Ellen. The doctor found herself wondering if deep down Anna was angry at her for being so helpless and...unhelpful the day Pavel was shot. 

"Long time no see" 

A familiar voice brought her back to the real world. It startled Ellen a little before she turned to see Grace giving her a friendly nod from the wall she was sitting on, her rifle at her side.

Ellen was so grateful. It was good not to be alone with her own thoughts on a night like that. She returned the nod and smiled to herself: who better than an ex-military to be her knight in shining armor?

"Did I spook you?" Grace inquired as she moved a bit closer.

"Nah, of course not" Ellen shook her head, hoping to be convincing.

"You sure?"

"Positive, ma'am" Ellen sighed, mocking a salute that she could have sworn made Grace chuckle. "Are you on sentry duty?"

"Yes" the soldier confirmed. "I think we're safe now but lowering our guard now would be inconsiderate. Especially now that Mari gave birth to a baby..."

"Yes, I just checked on them. The little boy is fine and heavenly resting in his mom's arms. Stig is with them now"

For a moment Ellen was jealous of Mari's baby, safe in loving arms and untouched by the dire situation humanity was facing. Just a hopeful little boy offering smiles to everyone. 

As realization hit her, she pushed her hands in the pockets of her jeans and exhaled loudly as if to get rid of her own sadness: Grace had too much to keep in check as their leader to be given such an additional burden.

"Anyway...I'll get out of your hair, you're on duty and-"

"You can stay if you want" Grace anticipated her, offering a quick smile.

"-I don't want to bother you"

"I'm a woman, I can multitask pretty well" she commented, teasingly raising an eyebrow.

For some reason, Ellen found the playful gesture seductive and she had to refrain herself from biting her lip when Grace scooped over and patted the seat beside her on the bench. 

"Here, join me, Doc"

"You know it's Ellen for you" she said, obliging and taking a seat too.

"My my, when did we become so casual?"

It surprised Ellen to still hear a hint of tease in her voice: Grace was definitely showing a whole new side that day.

"Why, you're really gonna call me Doc, lieutenant?"

"Hey, for your information I am a Captain, not a lieutenant"

"I'm terribly sorry, apologies, ma'am"

The two of them shared a look and chuckled but it was soon clear that the moment was gone. Silence settled back between the two women and Grace resumed her sentry duty. However, she was the first to speak again after some time.

"Hey I...I hope I'm not overstepping but are you okay?"

"As okay as I can be, Captain" Ellen shrugged. "I'm just...concerned about Anna"

Grace nodded, her eyes scanning the surroundings.

"Yes, you mentioned that. I promise I will check on her in the morning and talk to her. But-" she took a pause. "I'm sorry, I know you two are...close"

"Were, were close I guess" the doctor corrected her, grimacing. "I appreciate your concern, Grace, but no need to worry about me. I'm used to this, to unhappy endings"

The Captain furrowed her brows and did her best not to betray too much sympathetic curiosity when she inquired:

"Did you lose a dear one too?" 

Ellen shrugged and shifted to sit more comfortably. Then she winced and sighed deeply, enhancing a puff of air.

"Not exactly. I just never was the one women would take a chance on"

Grace shifted to face her.

"What do you mean?"

Ellen met her gaze and gave her a bitter smile. 

"I don't have the best record when it comes to relationships. Sure, the medical residency kept me busy enough but even aside from that I guess I'm not 'a keeper'" she shrugged her shoulder and looked into the distance. "Good for a one night stand or a flirt but not for more. The 'love at first sight' in a drunken gay bar night to ghost once you go back to your real life. A girl I had some kind of story with, the no-strings-attached type, dumped me when I asked to go steady then dropped to one knee and proposed to her new partner or so I heard. Last time I checked, they lived in a villa downtown with two Labradors."

Bad idea to go there: reminiscing Tiffany hurt even if the scar she left was quite healed. But Ellen fell hard for that girl, she saw a future with that girl...unlike Tiffany. The upset look on her face when Ellen asked her to be her girlfriend and the smile she had showing an engagement ring to the camera on the social media feed was still like a punch in the stomach. Especially now.

"Once I even got involved with a colleague at the hospital. It ended badly cause well I didn't know she was married" Ellen inhaled sharply and continued. "I-I suppose it's kind of a pattern to me"

Grace looked back to her and the two of them shared a long pained gaze.

Anna POV

Oy Moroz Moroz Oh moroz moroz ne moroz menya ne moroz menya

Usually, long walks never failed to clear Anna's mind and calm her. They always did, before any competition, whenever she was stressed or doubting herself. Now she felt no comfort: she was just walking in melting snow, swaying a bottle of vodka in her hands and singing in a low voice that Russian tune her father used to sing whenever he came home and had a bit too much on the way back. 

The demons that had been haunting her couldn't be pacified.

She shut her eyes as another vision appeared. She could have sworn that Pavel's ghost was near...or maybe she was just going insane for good. But she could feel his presence lingering, his voice encouraging her to toughen up, saying she was stronger than this and no matter how hard it looked now, she would have been victorious. 

Then she remembered that it was what he used to tell her before every competition so long time ago. He would place his hands on her shoulder and gave her pep talks that usually ended up like "Annushka, stop second-guessing yourself. Go out there and be like ice: strong and shiny in the spotlight cause you're the star. My star".

What he didn't mention is that ice can break too and that's exactly how Anna felt like now: shattered, crushed, in pieces.

Pasha...since that cursed day her days and nights had been a series of nightmares and hurtful visions. One moment she was dancing, gracefully flying in Pasha's arms at their wedding party, happy faces and smiles all around then out of the blue a dark bloodstain would spread on her husband's white shirt as all went dark and Pavel would fall on his knees and begged her to help him, desperately reaching for her.

Anna shook her head and took a long pull from her bottle. There was no way out of this pain, she thought as she kept walking back to the church. Why did Pasha have to change? She always knew he was a believer but lately, after the spread of the lethal virus he became obsessed with God and the book of Apocalypse. He started seeing signs of an approaching Doomsday everywhere and when they managed to survived he convinced himself that they were the Chosen ones, they had a mission and a duty to humanity...all that foolish religious rubbish pushed her away from him. He wasn't the man she married anymore.

Then she met the doctor. Ellen from America: kind, brave, compassionate and rational gorgeous Ellen. She had never questioned her sexuality before, was it even an option? Every woman she knew, family or friend, was happy or pretended to be happy with her husband cause "that's how things go, Anja", her mother cut every objection short once. So she obliged, married her sweetheart but years later from that the day she said yes to him on the altar things changed. He changed, she changed. And some invincible force waltzed her into the arms of a woman, an inconceivable thought till that very day. A bond against nature, an abomination for everyone she knew. 

But  Ellen's lips were so soft and her hold so comforting that for the first time in ages Anna felt safe.

And it was all gone now.

She had been avoiding Ellen ever since the day Pasha died. Too much pain to face her, when she bumped into her the previous night it was awful: the look of concern and love in her eyes made Anna bleed even more. 

Maybe Pavel was right after all. Maybe not about the hermit but about the God punishment talk she predicted him for. And Ellen: she surely wasn't a "witch" but could she deny she had been their downfall? All their issues skyrocketed since she first appeared out of nowhere, a daughter of the snowy Norwegian winter. She separated what God united, as preaches and her grandma would say, and what happened? People started dying, Pavel sank even deeper into his religious madness and eventually died. And Ellen was a doctor, funny enough. The moment she kept gravitating towards the gorgeous stranger, tragedies followed one after another. She accepted the love of the gorgeous woman and her husband got shot dead. Coincidences?

Anna hit her head with a fist as if to get rid of all that poisonous nonsense. No, Ellen told her that this was not what happened, just ghosts of her mind, her sense of guilt and grief speaking but she couldn't think straight anyway. Anymore. The succession of days felt like a hallucination and not even sleep could bring her peace, just the opposite. How can anyone preserve their sanity in a situation like this?

Maybe I should talk to Ellen, whenever I feel I can meet her eyes without crying like the weakling I am now, she considered as the familiar silhouette of the church appeared in sight. She's kind and she said she loves me. I gave her a hard time but maybe we can start over again. Maybe she can help.

She was almost there when she spotted two people sitting in the distance yet not too far to recognize them. She couldn't make out a word of what they were saying but they were certainly Ellen and Grace. 

Anna froze in place: lately, she hadn't been around much, mostly hiding in her tent or disappearing for walks and avoiding any kind of interaction with the rest of the group, but last time she checked the two women weren't that close. God, Grace hardly bonded with anyone, she was so busy being the leader and checking everything, organizing their daily routine in the midst of chaos and the journey to the Seed Vault...so how could she be holding Ellen's hand now? Her hand was holding the doctor's one - a hand who once held her close as Ellen's soft lips pressed a kiss on Anna's mouth- and she was saying something that apparently drew a shy smile on Ellen's face. What...what did she say? Why Ellen was smiling and squeezing her hand back? What...what did she miss out?

As the two women shared another smile and broke eye contact to look into the distance still holding hands, Anna stumbled to hide behind a solitary tree.

Even ice can break, she whispered as new tears welled her eyes. I was too slow, took too much time, never be slow Anna, never! Didn't your coaches tell you? Maybe I was so convincing when I begged her to leave me alone.

Tears found their way down her cheeks reddened by alcohol and the chilly gusts of wind that blew like a slap on her face.

Maybe our love was just like snow: beautiful and soft but it melts away when the spring sun starts shining again. Just like snow...  

[r0botarmsapts]

Title: Wherever You Are, In Thoughts You’re Always With Me. Cross-posted to Ao3, dA and Fanfiction.net. Characters/Pairings: Flynn Scifo, Yuri Lowell. FlynnYuri, FureYuri, Fluri. Words: 1k+ Disclaimer: I own this fanfiction but not the characters or game they’re from. Notes: Talk of death but Yuri isn’t dead, canon compliant there. For the 10 Hurt/Comfort Lj community. This is 1/10. Table: DIY Prompt: Regret.  Summary: Flynn stood in front of his large window, staring at the night sky, his thoughts and heart on one man. Wordlessly, he opened the window, letting in a warm breeze. His eyes were drawn to the heavens, clouds few and stars bright, some twinkling in the sky. “Can you see this sky, too, Yuri?” He wondered, knowing the swordsman enjoyed lazing back, taking in the view of the skies at different hours. Torn in two, the romantic part of him would have taken Yuri somewhere private, a view just for them and kissed him under the night sky. Yuri looked ethereal under the light of a full moon, the mental image bringing a small smile to him that was short lived while the memory of that day atop Zaude intruded once more.

From the sharp pain in his head that refused to leave him alone, Flynn knew tonight would be another sleepless night. Staring at the ceiling with weary eyes, he doubted much sleep would have come to him anyway. Going on a week in, the few nights he managed to rest, Yuri had appeared in his dreams, the scenes nightmares come to life from one of his strongest fears since he lost almost everything as a child. Losing Yuri.

‘Yuri’, Flynn thought, a strong sadness in his heart. Alone in his quarters, the blond too quickly got out of his bed, staving off a wave of dizziness that threatened to take a firm hold. Needing a moment to steady himself, Flynn repeated a mental checklist of actions to be taken, one that he had gone over and over, and over again. The end result would be the same as the first time, but it gave his mind something to focus on. Papers were too neatly stacked on his desk, set to the side while a map laid out in the open, marks on it with notes where to go next. A candle almost entirely burnt out beside the parchment, leaving Flynn to have a few seconds of feeling similar to the object.

Flynn stood in front of his large window, staring at the night sky, his thoughts and heart on one man. Wordlessly, he opened the window, letting in a warm breeze. His eyes were drawn to the heavens, clouds few and stars bright, some twinkling in the sky. “Can you see this sky too, Yuri?” He wondered, knowing the swordsman enjoyed lazing back, taking in the view of the skies at different hours. Torn in two, the romantic part of him would have taken Yuri somewhere private, a view just for them and kissed him under the night sky. Yuri looked ethereal under the light of a full moon, the mental image bringing a small smile to him that was short lived while the memory of that day atop Zaude intruded once more.

How many times now had he picked apart that afternoon? Thought of what he could have done differently?

The answer remained the same.

That spike of anger struck as he thought of Alexei firing the laser at Yuri, no real time to do anything different. When it came to Yuri, he always reacted quicker, moved faster. More than anything else in that moment, Flynn wanted to protect Yuri, even if it meant his own life was to be taken in Yuri’s place. Lady Estellise had rushed to his aide, healing him with wide, frightened eyes for his life. A scar remained that she apologized for but he quieted the guilt she bore to him and denied her kind offering to try and take it away. The scar remained near his heart, a blow taken to protect his best friend.

Yet...

Eyes narrowing, his body tensed while he attempted to remain steady on his feet, a rolling wave of guilt and sadness, filling him, wanting to drown him on the inside, nearly needing him to sit. Flynn managed and remained standing in the face of another difficulty as he always did. Yuri still ended up worse off, and at the heart of it, there was little that could be done. Flynn knew this, yet still put some blame on himself. His heart knew before his mind did in that moment that Yuri would have died from a direct hit, his body acting to save the swordsman.

The one time Yuri fell and Flynn could not catch or save him.

Bringing a hand to the front of his face, old memories struck bringing a variety of emotions with them.

Pulling him from a river when they were kids, pulling him closer by his shirt when they fought with built up pain and frustration over misunderstandings, pushing each others buttons, and too soon afterwards, when Yuri nearly fell to his death on the top of the tower after being separated by that monster.

Flynn, in his actions, had gripped Yuri’s hand hard while pulling him upward. His heart beating loud enough to be deafening back then. While catching their breaths, a silent conversation went between them, one that did not need to be heard by anyone else. They would not have understood and did not need to. It was far from the first time they could have talks without a word being uttered, something that proved to be a comfort. Yuri understood him better than anyone else, and he, Yuri. They could borderline read one another’s minds.

It was with that deep bond, Flynn knew Yuri was with him still.

Lowering his hand back to his side, tension slowly easing from him, blue eyes went to the skies once more, tired but determined and wanting answers only Yuri could give him. Flynn felt every moment of their separation with a hard acceptance of what was, the ongoing ache in his heart and pain as each day yielded the blond nothing new. There had been no sighting, no hint, nothing to clue them in Yuri was okay. Someone had gotten to Yuri before they could, and that was what left him with no satisfying answer. The swordsman had still been standing, Flynn knowing how agile and fast on his feet Yuri was, made less sense the more he thought on it. Something else had happened, leaving Flynn knowing he and Yuri were going to have a long talk waiting.

Whether he found Yuri first, or Yuri came to him, they would be together again. Flynn could feel the connection there, it giving him hope.

All too suddenly with the weight of his duties and missing friend, Flynn felt more drained than he had when he left the bed. It was late enough for the night life of Zaphias to be going strong, making sometime before he could continue with anything. The room around him beginning its dance once more, Flynn pinched the bridge of his nose, focusing enough to turn away and make it back to his bed. It would be hours until dawn broke, giving him sometime to lay down at least.Flynn could feel Yuri’s stare on him, the look he would have while forcing Flynn to go rest instead of overworking himself further. Being able to predict what Yuri would say to him while the blond slid back under the covers gave him a pained peace. Flynn badly wanted Yuri in the bed with him, to see his smile, hear his voice in person and not from a memory. With their shared connection strong, Yuri would never be just a memory. Not now. He was alive, Flynn knew it.

Their reunion was only a matter of time.

[mewnia]

any headcanons you have for the tales series?

Oh definitely! I have gained a lot of head-canons after learning what it means. Let’s see how many I have for the localized games – 

Symphonia

-Both Colette and Zelos have depression, but Colette doesn’t know she has it and brushes it off as “not important enough.”

-Presea’s body starts growing again but from the age it was at. Meaning she goes through puberty like a normal teen even though she’s actually in her 30′s. But this also means she lives longer than she would have and would be one of the last members of the group still alive when the human members start to die off.

-By the previous logic Emil has a body that’s two years older than his mentality which actually takes a couple years off his life. So post true ending Emil would die before Marta. 

-Lloyd and Colette both get awkward around each other when marriage is mentioned only because they’re worried about moving too fast for the other. But both of them want to take that step! The whole gang eventually starts making plans for getting Lloyd to propose but every time it’s interrupted by something completely unexpected in the most silly way possible (like Colette’s clumsiness) until Lloyd and Colette make the decision themselves without the help of the others. Just… It’s all silly, the entire situation is that cute, awkward, “you want to do it but the universe says not until you’re in the perfect setting” kind of thing.

Vesperia

-Flynn is bi and Estelle is pan, and I think Yuri and Rita being gay is a largely accepted head-canon in the fandom.

-Ioder has a brilliant mind and is actually rather devious in the empire. He trusts Flynn as one of the few knights he can vent to and mocks the people on the council in very subtle ways in conversations/meetings with them.

-Flynn learned First Aid when he became lieutenant to lift some work off the shoulders of the female knights in his squad. Also because he wanted to heal any wounds Yuri would have the next time he saw him.

-Judith has abs.

-Patty is totally a freckled gal.

-Brave Vesperia becomes one of the most reliable guilds and takes on a similar reputation that Fairy Tail does.

-I’m open to the idea of Yuri being trans

Abyss

-Post game Luke either loses all of his memories or gains all of Asch’s and I don’t know which one to pick.

-Guy becomes a famous engineer. Let the dude live his dream with fontech.

Graces

-Asbel has depression and is a suppressed gay where he’s convinced himself he’s straight.

-Richard is gay for Asbel but values Asbel’s happiness more than his own and never verbally tells him. I read a really good story about the relationship between Asbel and Richard and how Richard becomes totally depressed and unintentionally reclusive after Asbel’s wedding and the whole thing is beautiful but I don’t remember where I read it.

-Pascal invents dry shampoo

Xillia

-I like to think of Jude and Leia being 17 rather than 15. (and then 18 rather than 16 in X2)

-Every now and then I play with the idea of Jude being trans. 

-Milla is pan, and the relationship between her and Jude is a lot like Rose and Greg from Steven Universe. 

-Ludger’s personality is a lot like how the Undertale fandom sees Frisk.

-At first Julius hated Ludger but grew to love him, much like Wirt and Greg from Over the Garden Wall.

-There is a comic strip series in the newspapers similar to Garfield and Julius is a huge fan of it. One time he snuck lasagna to Rollo.

-Alvin is a huge sucker for Jazz

Zestiria

-Sorey is Ace

-Alisha is bi and started to develop feelings for Sorey until she saw him interact with Mikleo and chose to respect that relationship.

-Edna begrudgingly starts to talk in puns to cheer up Lailah when she’s down.

-They were cowards to not make Heldalf Sorey’s father.

-Mikleo was actually really torn after learning about Camlann and his mother but held it together to act strong. Like, come on. They didn’t do too much with showing Camlann’s destruction, at least give me this.

-Rose catches herself nerding out about some fact about a ruin after Sorey’s gone and has a moment of “Oh no” and a small identity crisis

Berseria

-Velvet is Aro

-Magilou would be totally open to memes, along with Rokurou.

-Rokurou saw Laphicet as a little brother and would be reminded of him and Shigure every now and then. When that happened he would distance himself from Phi.

-Velvet has abs. The writers and artists were cowards.

-Eleanor tried to stop Magilou from her self-depreciating jokes one day but gave up around lunch the next.

-Eleanor also successfully fixed Velvet’s clothes but then gave up after they were ruined again in a fight after the fifth try.

-Artorius gave Laphicet to Teresa because she reminded him of Velvet. It shocked a lot of exorcists because he was very strict on who could have him.

And that’s the amount I’ve had! I might add on if I remember any more. You can tell which games I’m not too personal with :P But also all of this is just my opinion! 

[seokmattchuus]

Finally - Daewhi

- Requested -

Of course it had to be him.

Of all the people, of course it was him.

When your group mates invited you out for lunch with the new producer to help them come up with ideas, you didn’t know what you were expecting, but when he stood to greet you as you walked in, you might’ve been a little too obvious in your disappointment. 

It wasn’t that you had bad blood.

But it wasn’t good blood either.

Had it not been for the incident that happened a year ago, you’re sure things would definitely be different.

-

“I told you, y/n, I can’t. We can’t.” Daehwi sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Why not?” You spoke up, your voice cracking. “You were willing to get in a scandal for her, but it’s different with me, huh?” You paused, getting up from your seat in his studio. “Was everything you told me a lie? Were your just playing with me this whole time?”

“If I was playing with you, would I have written multiple songs for you? Would I have even confessed in the first place?” He argued.

“What’s the point in confessing if you don’t plan on acting on it.” You spoke bitterly, not giving him a chance to respond before you stormed out, stopping outside the door to wipe your tears so the rest of the boys wouldn’t ask you anything.

-

That was the last time you spoke to him. He never even tried reaching out to you and it made everything even more clear. 

He didn’t care.

And if he didn’t care, you wouldn’t either.

Keeping that mindset, you followed the girls to the table and kept your face free of emotion, trying not to spoil the mood.

“How was the traffic?” He asked you, but you were too “busy” talking with Yuri to hear him.

“It was fine.” Sohee spoke up when she noticed no one answered his question. “Would’ve been better without the rain.” She chuckled. “We didn’t have any umbrellas in the van.”

“I can give you guys a ride back? I have some spares at the dorm that I can pick up on the way.” He offered. “You can even keep them.”

“That would be nice.” Sohee smiled. 

After the food came, you tried your hardest to ignore him until it was eventually your turn to ‘introduce’ yourself to help him give him ideas for your part of the song.

“I’m y/n. Main rapper. Just turned nineteen,”

“That’s a little vague don’t you think?” He asked, his tone soft.

“I’m sure you already know enough about me.” You challenged, watching as his eyes grew wide at your boldness. “Through our manager and all.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat. “But it’s better to hear it from you.”

“Tell me what you don’t know and we can go from there.”

If the table wasn’t full of tension before, it definitely was now.

To your group mates, they thought you were just grumpy because they dragged you out, but to Daehwi it was a battle of who would cave first.

“Maybe instead of me dropping you off at your dorms, we can come back to my studio?” He offered. “If you guys don’t mind of course, it’s just that I already have an idea for the song.” 

“That’s fine with me.” Yuri smiled, looking to the you, Sohee, and Hani to see if you also agreed. 

“Why not.” Sohee shrugged. “The faster we get this song done, the less grumpy y/n’ll be.” She giggled as you glared at her.

“You just miss your bed.” She stated. “The faster we do this, the faster we get home.” She pointed out.

“Fine.”

-

By some holy grace of the universe, Hani had called shotgun before you could argue about seating arrangements, and you gladly took the backseat, pulling out your phone to message your friend that you couldn’t meet up tonight. smiling at her response. 

“What’s a good place for a date?” You turned to Sohee. “I owe my friend two dates cause I keep having to bail and I wanna mash two into one, so it has to be really good.”

“Who are you seeing?” She wiggled her brows, the action causing the other girls to join in.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” You smirked, deciding to play along with them.

“Just say it!” Sohee jumped in.

“Byungchan.” You wiggled your eyebrows. 

“Wait, are you serious?” Yuri piped up from behind Sohee. “Haven’t you liked him since like, forever?”

You wanted to laugh. They couldn’t possibly be believing you right now.

“Back to the date question. Where do I goooo.” You whined.

“Sorry to interrupt, but we’re here.” Daehwi spoke flatly, getting out of the car and leading the way.

You’d be lying if you said that being back in the building didn’t bring back memories, but you tried to shake it off for the sake of keeping the past in the past.

“Water? Coffee?” Daehwi suggested as you all reached the recording room.

“Water would be fine.” Sohee spoke up, the rest of you nodding in agreement.

“Y/n, can you come help me with the waters?” He asked, knowing you had no excuse not to.

“Sure.” You nodded slightly, following him out the door.

“You haven’t talk to me at all, what’s wrong.” He whispered while walking.

“’What’s wrong?’” You repeated with a glare. “Are you serious right now?” 

“Just answer the question.” He spoke as you reached the cafeteria.

“Let’s see,” You started. “You ‘confessed’ to me just to say you didn’t want me around, then when I left, you never contacted me after, proving that everything you said was indeed, a lie.” You spoke while you held the water bottles. 

“You never gave me a chance to explain.” He spoke softly.

“You had a year to explain, Daehwi.” You glared before turning to walk back, leaving him even more defeated.

-

Why he even made you guys come along to basically approve his lyrics was beyond you.

He didn’t need any of you there when he was just writing and you wondered why Sohee agreed to this in the first place, knowing this wasn’t needed.

Some leader she was.

“I finished everything except the rap parts, but other than that, everything seems good, you two can go wait in the practice room, take a nap or something.”

“So do you want them to stay to help you out?” Sohee offered.

“No, it’s getting late, are either of you good at writing lyrics?” He asked, already knowing the answer..

“Y/n’s better at it than me!” Hani piped up, mostly lead by the idea of taking a nap, and you groaned inwardly.

“Then if you’re okay with it, do you mind staying?” He looked at you.

“No problem.” You spoke through gritted teeth, watching as the rest of the girls said their goodbyes before heading out the room.

“Now will you let me explain.” He sighed once you were alone.

“What’s there to explain?” You argued. “Can we just write these lyrics so I can go?”

“I’m not writing anything until you hear me out.” He said. “I’m not letting you walk out on me again.”

You closed your eyes in frustration. “Go ahead then.”

“I wasn’t trying to get in a scandal, it just happened that way. I never even met her before in my life.” He rushed out. “I went to help one of her producers. I didn’t think it would end up like that.”

You raised a brow in response, not believing him.

“Why would I confess to you three days before, then?” He argued. “Why would I confess, just to go out with my ‘girlfriend’ a few days later?” 

“That’s what I’ve been wanting to ask you.” You crossed your arms, already over the conversation. 

“What will it take to prove it, then?” His voice dying down.

“Tell me why.” You started. “Tell me why I wasn’t good enough for you to date. Why I wasn’t good enough for you to run after.”

“I can’t.” His voice came out broken, like he was torn between two different responses.

“Then I guess I have my answer.” You got up, turning towards the door but he caught your wrist.

“The dating rule.” He whispered once you turned towards him. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“You couldn’t tell me to wait? You couldn’t explain yourself then?” You raised your voice. “I knew ever since Wanna One ended that you were gonna re-debut here, but you couldn’t tell me when? Did you not think I’d understand?” 

“I knew you would, that’s why I didn’t say anything.” He raised his voice. “I didn’t want you to be stuck in whatever I would be stuck in. I knew you were getting ready to debut, so why would I jeopardize that?”

“Was there something else you were hiding from me?” You whispered, snatching your wrist from his grasp. “What would jeopardize my debut?”

He didn’t answer.

“What would jeopardize my debut, Daehwi.” You spoke louder.

“You didn’t see the rumors at the time, did you?” 

You shook your head.

“The dating scandal came out the way it did because of all the rumors about me. No one had ever even seen me near a girl, and the first chance they got, they turned it into something.” His voice back to normal. “I didn’t want you to be dragged down the same way she was.”

“And you couldn’t tell me?” You glared. “You had to run away instead of talking to me?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Talking isn’t that fucking ha-”

You were cut off by his hands cupping your face and pulling you into a soft kiss, your hands trying to push him off for interrupting you.

“I know you’re mad, but stop.” He whispered, his hands coming up to grab yours. “I fucked up, I know. But let me make it up to you.” He said, his lips landing on yours again.

There was no rush in the way he was kissing you, almost as if he’d break you if he pushed too hard.

“I still want an answer.” You pulled away with a pout. “Don’t try to distract me from being mad.”

“I’m not trying to distract you.” He smiled. “But I can’t stand us pretending we don’t know each other.”

“Well, we’re gonna have to.” You bit your lip. “They don’t know we know each other.”

“Oh yeah.” He cocked his head to the side. “They think you’re dating Byungchan.”

“Correction, seeing Byungchan. Not dating.” You started. “And it’s not my fault they were dumb enough to believe it.” You shrugged in your defense.

“Then we should clear it up.” He smirked.

“Nuh uh.” You smirked yourself. “You still have some making up to do.”

“Then make up, I shall.” Was all he said before backing up to the table, turning around to sit you on it.

His lips were back on yours as you slightly parted your legs to make room for him to move closer, your hands moving to wrap around his neck.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, trailing kisses down your neck. “So sorry.” He whispered as he reached your shoulder. 

“Stop apologizing.” You whined. “I’m trying to enjoy this and you’re making me want to hit you.”

“Sounds kinky.” He smirked.

“Lee Daehwi, I swear to go-”

You were cut off as he pressed his lips on yours once again, pushing you back onto the table so you were laying down while his fingers worked against the button of your shorts.

After undoing it, he pushed them down slowly, letting them fall down your legs before he trailed kisses up your thighs, your hands traveling to his hair as he got closer to you.

“Please, don’t tease.” You whimpered, tugging his hair slightly as you felt his kisses turn to go inside your thigh, rather than straight up.

“Only because you asked so nicely.” He mumbled, his hands coming up to grab your thighs and bring you closer to his face before kitten licking at your clit.

The gasp you let out gave him the sign to completely wrap his lips around it, trailing his hand from your thigh to rub at your entrance, collecting the wetness before pushing a finger in.

As much as you wanted to moan out, you had to remember that the door was only so far, and that people were definitely still going to walk by it.

“N-Not so fast.” You gasped as a blush crept up to your face. “I don’t want us to get caught.”

You didn’t get a response, only him adding a second finger while his tongue flattened against your clit, his eyes looking up at you before pulling away, your hand falling from his hair onto the table, grabbing at nothing as you tried to stay quiet.

“Then I guess you should stay quiet.” He whispered before pumping his fingers at a faster pace, smirking as your free hand came up to cover your mouth, any noise you made coming out muffled.

“I bet you’re a loud one, huh?” He licked his lips. “I can’t wait to have you all to myself when we’re alone.”

His words had you clenching around his fingers in excitement, and it didn’t go unnoticed before he pulled them away, getting up to rid himself of his own pants.

“Hurry~” You whined, moving you hand back over your mouth after realizing how loud you sounded.

“Who would’ve known you were so needy.” He smiled down at you, grabbing himself and pushing in slowly, watching how your hand gripped over your mouth tighter while your eyes screwed shut.

His hands spread your legs wider while he bottomed out and he placed a hand around your thigh before starting off slow.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He groaned, his head falling back as he took in the feeling of you.

It was when you tried to respond, and it came out small, that you forgot you were still covering mouth.

“Faster..please.” You spoke softly, your head rolling to the side as he complied with your request, his hips finding a stable pace.

No words were needed, almost as if you were both too scared to ruin the moment. The small pants and grunts from the both of you while the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room seemed to be the only noise needed.

Your hand eventually wrapped around your mouth once again as you felt your thighs start to shake, one of his hands coming down to rub your clit to help you, and moving your hand to replace it with his lips, smirking as you whined into him.

However the kiss didn’t stop there, or after he came, or even past that.

It wasn’t until a sudden realization hit that he pulled away.

“We might have to stay even later.” He chuckled.

“Why?” You furrowed your brows.

“We never wrote the lyrics.”

[senpai-no-lie]

Black Eagles Route

Finally, with a certain level of dread in my heart, I completed Crimson Flower

Why I chose Black Eagles (specifically Crimson Flower): I had already completed Azure Moon and Verdant Wind, so it was just a matter of picking between Crimson Flower or Silver Snow. I figured it’d be best to just knock out Crimson Flower, since I still needed Hubert, Jertiza, and Edelgard’s supports.  

Who Was My Dancer: Sylvain! I kept my recruits for this route only to characters I needed to complete supports, and then also Sylvain, because his aesthetic sense just seemed to jive with the Black Eagles. As a dancer, he did okay, but I think I much prefer him on a horse. However, his dancing was crucial to killing Dimitri before Dedue turned into a beast, and a few other pivotal moments. I just don’t think Sylvain has the magical firepower I like with my dancers (It should be known I don’t typically use the dancer character at all in other FE games, but I really enjoy the magic-utilty they have in 3H) 

What Paired Endings Did I Get:  

Edelgard & Hubert (I actually feel really bad for Hubert; it wasn’t my intention to do this)

Linhardt & Hapi

Dorothea & Petra

Jeritza & Bernadetta 

Ferdinand & Mercedes

Not as many paired endings as usual because I really only cared about filling out my missing supports

Who Did Byleth Marry: Sylvain. Totally, totally not who I meant to marry; my intention was Yuri, but then I never used Yuri. And I just have a soft spot for Sylvain. I stand behind my decision. 

Which Edelgard Do I prefer?: Purely on aesthetics, post-timeskip Edelgard is p hot, ngl, but I find her to be more intolerable because of how hard they push that weird sort of gap moe waifu bait with her. So I guess pre-timeskip, even if that’s not much better.

General Thoughts: I tried, oh so hard, to go in with an open mind about Edelgard and the other route exclusive characters. Edelgard leaves about 0 impressions in the other routes, as far as being an antagonist goes, but from the opening chapters on my first playthrough, I found her to be manipulative, condescending, and perhaps a bit immature. And yeah, she’s all of those things and more.... But Hubert, Hubert I love and I’m so mad that I can see the appeal of Hubert x Ferdinand now. My only point of contention remains the fact that in canon they remain subservient to her in their paired ending. 

I also went out of my way to kill every single named character throughout the route, and it was both satisfying and heartbreaking. That Dimitri and Dedude death scene, Seteth’s shouts as I struck down Flayn, the dialogue between Sylvain as he fought against his childhood friends.... so good. 

The Black Eagles Characters:

I did almost all the supports possible, sans route exclusives and DLC on my first playthrough, but I’ve yet to hash out my general feelings about the Black Eagles. 

Edelgard: Plain and simple, I do not stan Edelgard. I found a lot of her behavior more reasonable if she was 13 pre-timeskip and 18 post-timeskip, but a 23 year old being so cringey and unaware of the greater political climate (Hubert regularly does things behind her back that she doesn’t even notice or care to notice, while complaining that Hubert makes her work for ambitions rather than letting her eat sweets or stare at the sky all day, ugh) is just unappealing as hell. The whole sequence where I had two opportunities to call her fear of rats “cute” was super off-putting, and the don’t get me started on her drawing Byleth fanart. She’s constantly looking for affirmation from Byleth (despite insisting she doesn’t need praise in lecture), while being manipulative and condescending to everyone else. Her calling Lysithea “good girl” when Lysithea is 20/21, only three years younger, and an entire inch taller than Edelgard post-timeskip is pure cringe. Also the name Black Eagles Strike Force is an awful name and I’m not sorry I told her as much. 

Hubert: I’m torn on whether or not Hubert is my favorite Black Eagle. I really enjoy devoted servant characters, and I find him more endearing because Edelgard doesn’t deserve him. He’s so visually unappealing (though, not as bad as I find Lorenz to be) and weird, but I respect that about him. 

Ferdinand: Sweet, dumb Ferdinand. I love him; his supports are a delight and I am consistently charmed by how sweet he is in his supports. I prefer him in other routes than how he has to behave in Crimson Flower, but what can ya do. Truly, the noblest of nobles

Linhardt: I’ve heard mixed opinions about Linhardt, but I for one like him. He’s a fair-weather sort of guy who only cares about a few things, and I support that. He’s just strange and intelligent and a dry sense of humor I can appreciate.

Caspar: This moron, I love him. Caspar is the one person I’d expect to follow Edelgard unquestioningly because he just doesn’t have enough brain cells to do otherwise. I think he’s funny, even if his tone-deaf screaming in eagerness to kill and conquer Fodlan grew taxing. 

Dorothea: I like Dorothea alright; I think she has a lot of personality in her supports, but she’s not really the sort of character I find especially endearing or relatable. Nothing wrong with that.

Petra: A great girl! I find her manner of speech endearing, and I’m personally grateful that didn’t try to do some sort of accent for her that’s 1:1 for the real world. I was a bit put-off by how gungho she is with siding with Edelgard and dismantling Fodlan, but ya know, what choice does she have a political prisoner shoved into the black hole that surrounds Edelgard?

Bernadetta: People complain that Sylvain doesn’t mature post-timeskip, but Bernedetta still does that awful screeching and being a recluse routine up until the very end. I don’t like her or find her funny, but I do enjoy the sort of moral relativism she employs. Her supports with Yuri made me feel exceptionally sorry for Yuri. 

Jeritza: His voice and cadence irritates me to no end, but he was enjoyable as a unit, at least. I think his “personality” or “two personalities” is troupey to the max, and his supports with Byleth were especially off-putting. I feel like if you’re going to make a murder-happy character like Jeritza, especially one with like a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing going on, it needs to be way more campy or bombastic. 

I could honestly write a bunch more, but it’d mostly be me bitching about specific cringe-inducing moments with Edelgard that I’m sure other people who aren’t aggressively stanning her have brought up. If you like Edelgard, good for you, but I’m of the opinion that she’s a snake, and not even a clever or tactful one. Crimson Flower is so painful with how obvious it is with it’s Edelgard-pandering that it took me out of the game multiple times. All their routes have their flaws, but I guess the last (and only) animated sequence for CF was pretty dope, at least.  

[teababe27]

Notes From the 2019 Myanimelist.net Challenges - Part 1: Anime

Health problems have laid me up a little, but now I’m finally posting this.

As you can tell by the title, this is a post in the vein of last year’s notes about the Myanimelist.net Anime Watching and Manga Reading Challenges. While I didn’t complete everything by the deadline, I had some fun with it and saw/read some good things, some okay things, some things I’ve been meaning to watch anyway, and some things I probably wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for this challenge.

This post will deal with the anime side. Part 2, dealing with the manga side, will come soon.

I will mention some notables/honorable mentions and then some of my favorite things I watched for this challenge.

Let’s do this.

Honorable Mentions/Other Notables: Millennium Actress - completed for the task “Watch an award-winning anime”

Two filmmakers interview Chiyoko, a retired, reclusive actress from long ago. She brings the two filmmakers through her memories.

As far as I’m concerned, anything Satoshi Kon does is great. A movie with an interesting concept and an interesting art style. I teared up a little at the end, ngl.

RIP Satoshi Kon.

My Neighbor Totoro - completed for the task “Watch an original anime”

Two little girls move to a house in the countryside with their father. While at the house, they discover forest spirits and go on adventures with them.

As expected from Studio Ghibli, the art is gorgeous. The story was fun. I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t seen this until now.

While not my favorite Miyazaki movie, this was still beautiful and also fucking adorable.

It was also pretty cool to hear the Fanning sisters in early roles.

Problem Children Are Coming From Another World, Aren’t They? - completed for the task “Watch an anime in which your favorite character’s voice actor participated”

Three kids, each with a different special ability, are whisked away to a world called Little Garden. They are called upon by Kurousagi (Black Rabbit in the English dub) to win “Gift Games” and help the community regain its former glory and resources after a demon took them away.

I’d put this under the group of “Things i probably wouldn’t have watched if not for this challenge”.

I’m not normally into isekai anime (I feel it’s been way overdone lately), but I had fun with this. I honestly didn’t like a couple of the characters at first, but then I realized it was kinda the point. They did get better, though.

Automatic props for having Josh Grelle in there voicing one of the titular problem children.

I had fun with this one overall.

Aoi Bungaku Series - completed for the task “Watch an anime with more than 16 minutes in total and tagged as Mystery, Psychological, and/or Thriller”

An anthology adapting several classic Japanese books and stories.

This anime was different than a lot of what I have watched before. Bleak as hell a lot of the time (especially in the first story), but I found this anime interesting. I might try and read the books that these stories were based on.

The Irresponsible Captain Tylor - completed for the task “Watch an anime suggested by Myanimelist or Anime+”

Justy Ueki Tylor is a bit of a lazy bum. He signs up to join the space military because he wants to live a relatively easy life and get a good pension when he retires. Through sheer charisma and dumb luck, he helps diffuse a hostage situation, leading him to be promoted to Captain of a ship with a bad reputation. An evil space empire and higher-ups looking to get rid of Tylor are also involved.

I found this show funny, but I also feel like this is one you need to be in the mood for. That being said, this was a fun watch.

A lot of zany hijinks and watching Tylor get by through sheer luck and charisma. Gave me some mixed feelings at times.

I have a weakness for things that came out in the 90s, as I grew up with that animation style and shows from that time period. As such, it was very cool to hear voice actors from my childhood, like Rachel Lillis and Lisa Ortiz, in this anime. (I was internally going “OMG it’s Misty!!” every time Yuriko talked.)

Favorites from the Challenge:

Hanayamata - completed for the task “Watch an anime that began airing between 2010 and 2015″

An ordinary student, Naru, wants nothing more than to be pretty and dazzling like in her fairy tale books. One day, she meets a mysterious girl, Hana, who dances with her one night. Hana turns out to be an American transfer student who ends up transferring into Naru’s class. Hana then introduces Naru to Yosakoi dancing and forms the Yosakoi club.

I thought this was a cute and fun slice-of-life anime. Premise can be a bit iffy if you really think about it, but I had fun with this show. I love how everyone slowly opened up with each other and was able to make their club work.

Also, I couldn’t help but have this thought: I feel like the first couple episodes had so much lesbian subtext that I had to check if this anime was made by KyoAni (it wasn’t, it’s made by Madhouse).

Tatami Galaxy - completed for the task “Watch a Noitamina anime”

A third-year college student runs into a mysterious guy at a ramen shop. The student reflects on his past 2 years at college, mostly spent with his friend Ozu trying to break up happy couples. The student wonders if he’s wasted his life and resolves to do better. Then a time loop starts happening and more chances arrive.

*clasps hands like Gendo Ikari*

We meet again, Masaki Yuasa.

No better time than this challenge to work through more of Masaki Yuasa’s filmography, especially after watching the decent Mind Game and the excellent Kaiba for last year’s challenge.

While watching this anime, I felt myself going back and forth on whether or not I really liked this anime. Whether it was overrated or underrated. Whether it was a good idea on what the Endless 8 could have been or something that kept going unnecessarily long because the Student couldn’t see what was in front of his face. Whether it was style over substance.

The answer?

Yes.

I honestly liked it, but I do understand the criticism. I feel like the confusion about my feelings can be a good thing and this anime still had some great points and made me think.

I also thought the art style and soundtrack were great, as usual from Masaki Yuasa.

One Outs - completed for the task “Watch an active staff member’s favorite anime with 10 episodes or more”

A struggling baseball team recruits Tokuchi Towa, a pitcher who is more of a gambler than anything. Kojima, the team’s veteran player, hopes that Tokuchi will lead them to the championship. Corrupt ownership and unethical opponents also add problems.

Tokuchi was a great character. He’s a genius, but also a huge troll. His method is basically trying to psychologically get to the other players and go from there. I liked seeing him work through situations and outsmart people. This was one of the few anime from the challenge where I could watch several episodes in one sitting and not even realize it.

Basically, this was a take on sports anime I didn’t know I needed.

Aggressive Retsuko (aka Aggretsuko) - Season 1 completed for the task “Watch an ONA,” Season 2 completed for the task “Watch an anime with more than 16 minutes in total and a popularity lower than #700″

Retsuko, a red panda, is an average office worker. Unfortunately, she hates her job. She is harassed by her boss and given unreasonable amounts of work. To relieve the stress from her life, she secretly goes to karaoke and sings death metal to scream everything out.

I love this. I love Retsuko. I love the little songs sprinkled in. I love Retsuko’s relationships with several of her office-mates.

I feel like I can relate so hard. Not necessarily with the heavy work load, but just the general stresses of life in your 20s. Being stuck in a job that isn’t the best, and also liking metal.

I had a ton of fun with this show. Season 1 was slightly better than Season 2, but I loved this show all the same.

Girls’ Last Tour - completed for the task “Watch an anime that finished airing with more than 10 episodes and has a synopsis by MAL Rewrite”

In a post-apocalyptic, war-torn landscape, two girls, Chito and Yuri, travel the world for answers, with only their motorbike/tank, their supplies, and each other.

This, by far, wins Best of the Challenge this year.

This anime gave me a mix of emotions that I don’t know if I’ve ever felt before. A strange mix of existential dread and sadness and going “aww” at the slice-of-life adventures the two girls have. It made me laugh, made me cry, and made me think.

Watch this one, please.

[yoiotdfics]

Fic Recs for June 2017

Here are all the fics we rec’ed for the month of June.  I’m hoping to have the bonus rec list up today or tomorrow.. :)

Umm, You’re In My Bath

Harky21

Summary:

Footsteps sound out in the hall and Yuuri’s eyes immediately snap open. No one should be out right now. Technically Yuuri shouldn’t even be out right now. It was past curfew. He shifts slightly in the water hoping that the steps will continue past the door, but they don’t. They stop and then the door handle starts jiggling and he hears muttering.

Or Yuuri’s just wants a nice calm bath, but then Victor happens

based off of Moose’s amazing art and own Harry Potter AU

Scratches on Ice

ClioSelene

Summary:

Yuuri is sick, with everyone around him trying to relieve his pain. Or not. Lots of fluff anyway.

Smoke & Stones

94mercy

Summary:

Mari is five years old and she is watching her little sister grow inside her mother’s stomach. Mari is eighteen years old and she is watching her little brother’s obsession decorate his room in more merchandise than any one person should own. Mari is twenty-four years old and she is watching her little brother leave his family behind to chase his dreams. Mari is thirty years old and she is watching her little brother fall in love.

or

snapshots from the Katsuki siblings’ lives wherein Mari attempts to be the best sister that’s ever existed

we were never perfect (but i love you just the same)

wartransmission

Summary:

Life and love can never be perfect for all that people try and make it to be, but Viktor and Yuuri are doing their best to make it work.

(In which Yuuri is stubborn and refuses to rest, and Viktor is very in love and very concerned. What’s new, really?)

Four kittens and one cat

UMsArchive

Summary:

“Sometimes, a family can be two dads and four kittens-” He pauses. “-and a fifth older cat - there’s still Puma Tiger Scorpion under our tutelage.”

Shear Genius

Beltenebra

Summary:

Victor persuades Yuri to take a risk and try a new hairstyle. He’s unsure but Otabek is just the person to help.

Freeways, Boyfriends, and Great Deals on Wholesale Food

icandrawamoth

Summary:

Yuuri is an anxious driver at the best of times, let alone rush hour in a strange city. His boyfriends are varying degrees of helpful. Also, Chris has an unhealthy obsession with wholesale food stores.

eight inches

viktores_secret

Summary:

“Boys and girls are not to be within eight inches of each other.” Dolores gave the rule, but Viktor clearly wasn’t listening.

Shards of a Broken Heart

Cherry101

Summary:

Sometimes, if Yuri zoomed in on the picture, he could fool himself into believing that Otabek was alone - that the captioned message was for him, for Yuri, not for anybody else.

Sometimes, if he closed his eyes and sprayed the cologne he still continuously bought, he could pretend that the scent was Otabek himself, still with him, living with him.

~~~~~

Or, the aftermath of a failed relationship, told by Yuri.

when your hands leap towards mine, love

foxinsocksinabox

Summary:

The opening notes of an Debussy’s Première Arabesque cut through the air like rain on glass. It’s slower than Victor’s heard it played before, and something about it sounds- lonely. Wistful, almost. Somehow it suits the quiet and the early hour, and before he knows it, Victor’s hooked, as surely as if he was a fish on a line.

Finders Keepers

larkscape

Summary:

His name is Puma Tiger Scorpion the Great and he is the Emperor of the Plisetsky and Baranovskaya households.

If I Can’t Kiss Him

Val_Creative

Summary:

“You’re really pretty when you’re not scowling.”

above, below, by you, by you surrounded

seventhstar

Summary:

twenty two year old yuuri katsuki finds himself in st. petersburg, two years in the future, in the apartment where his future self and his fiance, viktor nikiforov, live.

of course they have a threesome.

pretty as a picture

rovio

Summary:

In retrospect, Grandpa should’ve left the old photos of his hot friend in the attic.

Seriously.

Fighting Evil By Moonlight

chromyrose

Summary:

Viktor Nikiforov, aka Sailor Moon, is torn between the cute, shy boy who won’t give him the time of day, and the dashing hero Tuxedo Mask.

Oh, the Horror!!

BrinThePuffling

Summary:

“No offense, Vitya…” Yuuri started slowly, “but you got scared watching The Princess and the Frog.”

In which Viktor wants to play horror games with Yuuri and Yuuri prepares himself for weeks of sleeping with the lights on.

Chills and a Fever

mypoorfaves

Summary:

Exactly what the title says. Requested by an anon on tumblr.

The Name Game

GoodbyeBlueMonday

Summary:

It’s the discussion every soon-to-be-married couple must have at some point: what to do with their names.

Yuuri and Victor take an interesting route to that decision.

(Rated T for discussion of boners/masturbation and Yurio’s swearing.)

Love notes

Rosesnfeathers

Summary:

Yuri comes back from a week in Almaty with Otabek sad and frustrated that nothing happened like he was hoping for. That is until he finds a little note in his pocket…

A Roommate’s Solemn Duty

icandrawamoth

Summary:

“What kind of roommate would I be if I didn’t take you on a little adventure every now and then?” Phichit asks with feigned seriousness. “It’s my duty as your best friend.”

Thin Ice

foxsgloves

Summary:

Sara wants to distract herself after a fight with Mickey. Mila is there to help with hot chocolate, boob jokes, and lifts across the ice.

Home Videos

GoodbyeBlueMonday

Summary:

Victor doesn’t believe Yuuri’s family that he’s been in love with him forever, but they have video proof. Cue a delighted Victor and a mortified Yuuri, but it all works out in the end.

I Have You Now My Pretty

peabrain

Summary:

The Katsuki-Nikiforovs are not abundantly skilled in roleplay.

But they are abundant in love.

Bare Emotions

Val_Creative

Summary:

There’s still intensive schooling and extracurricular, for a professional skating career — and it turns out Seung-gil attends online courses, including drawing and illustrative art. Phichit can’t be too sure why Seung-gil approached him outside the plaza, for the favor, but he’s happy to help. Even if it involves stripping off his clothes in the heavily air-conditioned room.

At Your Mercy

spicysizzle

Summary:

An innocent foot massage becomes a little bit steamy, but neither Yuuri nor Viktor seem to mind. [a.k.a Viktor’s Service Kink]

Much Ado About Nothing

TheCasualPasserby

Summary:

Two fandoms, both alike in dignity (At Skate Canada, where the world’s best compete), Begin a violent war quite suddenly Provoked by one night’s worth of angry Tweets. Within these fandoms are two skating fans Who like each other just for who they are Together they will spite the fandom ban And thus begins our story most bizarre.

tl;dr: What if a member of Yuri’s Angels fell in love with a member of JJ’s Girls?

It’s a Sign

LittleLostStar

Summary:

Five times Victor and Yuuri escalate the Silly Signs Held Up At Airport Arrival Terminals War, and one time Victor wins without using a sign at all.

taste of you

rkez

Summary:

A little ficlet I wrote for yurionicekinkweek :) It was meant for Day 1: drunk sex, but I ended up adding a few other prompt ideas

In Over Their Heads

Salmon_I

Summary:

“Okay, so now it’s all over the web, and the reporters are starting to drop hints because they want to break the story. Except there is no story.”

A misunderstanding, a meddling best friend, and a phony engagement.

Coach Yuuri

Coyoteclaw11

Summary:

Written as a fill for the prompt: Victor is the younger fanboy and Yuuri is the older star skater. Victor still shows up in Hasetsu, but because he NEEDS a coach.

–

Viktor lifted his thumb from his phone, watching the “transaction complete!” pop up confirm his purchase of a one-way ticket to Hasetsu, Japan. This was it. This was his chance.

[askdawnandvern]

A Lamb Among Wolves Ch:38

Still playing catch up on commissions at the moment. So things have slowed on the writing end. but i just cleared the big ones off so hopefully I'll be able to rebound with the story. But I'll keep my intro short since this is a crucial chapter in the story. Sorry, no breather between the Yuri fight and the Dori show down. It's time...

And if you are at all interested in checking out my patreon, you can click the link below.

https://www.patreon.com/wastedtimeee

------------------------------------------

Chapter Thirty-Eight: The Omega

Vernon rested a palm against the center of the oaken door to his father's office, taking a moment to brace himself for the argument that he knew lie ahead of him. The scuffle with Yuri, for all the trouble it had caused, had at the very least had managed to act as a release for most of the anger the wolf had been feeling toward Dorian. It had cleared the blinding red haze that had consumed his mind and allowed the wolf to think clearly now that the time had come to stand up to Dorian. To try to plan out what he was going to say, and to figure out a way to keep the discussion from exploding into a full on screaming match for as long as he possibly could. Despite what Dorian had said and done, there was at least some part of Vernon that hoped he could still get through to the stubborn wolf.

Aside from the fights he had with Dorian over his choice in career, Vernon had generally gotten along with his father. The wolf could be strict at times, but he had for the most part always been fair. It was yet another aspect of Dorian's personality that Vernon had chalked up to being honed through years of law enforcement work. That patience and the use of a firm paw only when necessary to guide him and his brothers through some of the more difficult parts of their lives.

Even during Vernon's more troubled years. The constant fights with other students, the acts of vandalism, the angry phone calls from teachers and other authority figures. Through all of it Dorian had been stoic yet caring, trying to be open to the wolf while at the same time not letting Vernon get away lightly for his crimes. Of course, at the time Vernon hadn't cared at all what his parents did. His dark take on the nature of Animalia left by being separated from his childhood friend had made him ignorant and unfeeling toward any olive branch his parents had extended toward him. His mother's sobs fell on deaf ears, and his father's attempts to reach out to him were brushed aside until the day Vernon's facade finally fell through. Even now, looking back on how he treated the pair made Vernon feel disgusted with himself. He could feel his chest tense as he relived the past actions of his younger self, the sharp and staggering pang of regret. He had wronged them so many times, and yet they had continued to tirelessly reach out to him, unwilling to give up on the wolf Vernon once was.

It was memories like that which made it harder to think of his father being so cold and distant. So stubborn and uncaring when it came to Dawn now after how hard they had refused to give up on Vernon during his own terrible lapse in judgment. But blood was a different story the wolf supposed, and even so, his father wasn't entirely clear of being thoughtless and uncaring towards Vernon's wants and desires.

How many times had they butted heads on Vernon's desire to be an architect rather than a policemammal? Vernon couldn't even begin to count. But it was certainly one of the rare times Vernon saw in him what Audrey described as Dorian's stubborn side, at least in any sort of long-term form. Dorian had remained unrelenting in his push to see Vernon join the North Meadowland Police Department, and in the end, it was Vernon who had to support himself with the help of Gus in order to have any chance at making his dream a reality. His father had washed his paws of the matter, and declared that he would be no help when it came to pursuing what the law wolf called a 'frivolous hobby'. And even with Audrey doing her best to mend the fences between the pair, Dorian remained unsupportive of Vernon's efforts throughout his years in Zootopia, so much so that Audrey had to keep any help she sent Vernon's way a secret in order to keep things quiet at home.

The whole affair had taught him a lesson about just how pig-headed his father could truly be when it came to what he believed was right. Even if it trampled the actual desires of his own kin. The wolf sat firm in his beliefs that he knew what was best for his sons, and Vernon imagined that with Dawn, Dorian's ruling wasn't any different. And so while Vernon wanted to give it his best when it came to talking some sense into the mammal, to keep the conversation calm and cool for as long as he possibly could. The wolf knew that one way or another it was going to end in shouting, and more likely than not Vernon would have to threaten to leave the pack.

The question that left the wolf with was a simple one. Would Dorian blink? Would he balk in the face of never talking to Vernon again? Or would the wolf simply allow Vernon to walk away from the family because of his unwillingness to meet the wolf in the middle?

With a sigh, Vernon removed his paw from the door, balling it into a fist before lightly rapping on the wood.

There was a long silence, so much so that for a moment Vernon thought that perhaps the wolf wasn't actually in his office. But after what felt like an eternity of standing in silence at the threshold to the wolf's den, a voice finally croaked out from behind the door.

"It's open." The voice was low and grumbly.

Vernon placed a wary paw on the doorknob, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat before turning it.

"It's now or never." Vernon thought, as he opened the door with quiet resignation.

The familiar room was dimly lit, something his father seemed to prefer when in his office. The low lighting causing shimmers of gold and green to reflect off the surface of the various trinkets and furnishings scattered throughout the room. Some of it had been collected by Dorian himself, but the bulk of the contents of the room had belonged to Vernon's grandfather, and several other Hunters throughout the generations. The room had come to represent the collective history of the Hunter lineage since the founding of Zootopia, and because of that it almost gave the room a feeling as if there were an audience now watching as Vernon entered. The eyes of hundreds of Hunter pack members from long ago looking down on them from every corner of the room. Every book on the shelf, every mural on the wall, every bauble or trinket on Dorian's desk loomed like a silent jury awaiting the judgment of the accused.

Vernon could already smell the brandy from the moment he opened the door, the fruity yet acrid alcoholic scent stinging the wolf's nostrils as he crossed the room. But now as he approached the desk, and the law wolf pulled himself away from his laptop, Vernon could see just how surprisingly haggard the old wolf looked. It was clear he had started drinking the moment he had gotten back home, and while he wasn't drunk, the smell of alcohol clung to him like a pungent blanket. The wolf held a half-finished glass of the amber liquid in a paw as he narrowed his glassy grey eyes on Vernon.

"Well..." Dorian muttered, closing the lid of his computer as he shifted his attention toward the wolf. "I'm surprised you didn't show up sooner."

Vernon simply nodded as Dorian swished his drink around in his glass. They remained locked in a silent stare for a few moments, neither wolf saying anything as the two appraised one another. Vernon couldn't be sure what Dorian was thinking, but surely the old wolf had to presume that Vernon's presence wasn't just to have a friendly father-son chat.

"You here to talk?" Dorian muttered, his eyes sharpening their gaze on Vernon as he spoke. There was another awkward silence before Vernon nodded again.

Dorian let out a tired sigh, placing his glass on the table before reaching into the shadows on his desk for the large decanter filled with more of his favorite brandy. Vernon's father wasn't a heavy drinker, that was something the wolf knew fairly well. Dorian had a tolerance sure, but he usually drank very lightly. The old law wolf's reasoning came from seeing first paw how many families were torn apart by alcohol abuse thanks to his profession. That said, his father tried to be understanding when it came to heavy drinkers, especially those on his force. When it came to law mammals, Dorian had a saying.

'There are two kinds of cops.' Vernon heard the wolf's voice in his mind. 'Those who never touch a drop, afraid of what it will do to them. And those who drown themselves in it to cope with what the job did to them.'

It was only once in a blue moon that Dorian drank to cope. A grisly murder, or horrifying crime that would push the wolf into one of those rare drinking fits. But there was no mistaking that by the stench and the look on his father's face he was well in the midst of one. Dorian began to fill his glass as he gestured a paw over the desk.

"Pull up a chair then..." Dorian muttered. "Let's get this over with..." The wolf grumbled as he topped his glass before slipping the decanter back into the dark.

Vernon glanced around for a moment before spotting a large green and gold armchair sat next to the book case. The wolf casually walked over to it, placing his paws gently on the back of the antique chair before shoving it toward the desk. Without wheels, it took a few moments for the large piece of furniture to slide across the thick rug covering the hardwood in front of the desk. But eventually, the wolf managed to get it close enough to be satisfied with the distance.

With a quiet groan, Vernon sat down in the plush green chair. The wolf squirmed slightly, taking a moment to get comfortable before finally turning his attention back to the older wolf. Vernon was quiet as he scanned the mammal. He was uncertain exactly where to start with his grievances. Whether it was his father's treatment of Dawn, his stance on the tithe, or his feeling towards Zach's injury. A variety of different phrasings and questions burned through the wolf's mind as he placed a paw to his head, each with a million different ways to approach the wolf in tone and attitude. But in the end one very simple phrase seemed to pervade every question, one that perfectly encapsulated how the wolf felt about everything. What he needed to know. Vernon let out a tired sigh, locking eyes with the law mammal as he gripped the armrests of the chair.

"Why?" Vernon asked quietly.

Dorian quirked an eyebrow.

"Why?" The older wolf repeated.

Vernon shook his head softly.

"Why did you talk to Dawn like that?" Vernon replied, squinting his eyes in an effort to hold back tears. "When she came to you, pouring out her heart and soul and begging for a chance to prove herself to you..." The wolf continued. "How could you just tear into her so mercilessly..?" The wolf clenched the armrests tighter as he strained to keep the tears in.

Dorian's gaze remained fixed on Vernon, his muzzle remaining expressionless as the wolf continued.

"To be so cruel as to not only ignore how hard she was trying to reach out to you..." Vernon whined. "But to basically spit in her face."

Vernon leaned up in his chair slightly as his gaze remained locked on Dorian's. He could make out the lines of broken blood vessels around the old wolf's steely grey irises.

"Why pa?" Vernon grit his teeth. " I want to know the reason."

Vernon furrowed his brow, his glare turning accusatory for a moment.

"The REAL reason." Vernon emphasized before leaning back into his chair.

An awkward silence lingered in the room, both wolves having fallen silent after Vernon's heart-wrenching statement. Vernon's chest was physically aching as he waited for the wolf's response, the pain of what Dawn had said she had experienced squeezing around his heart so tightly that it had taken everything in his power not to scream or cry while delivering his question. He needed to know, and he wanted it straight from the old wolf's muzzle. No more filters, no more 'Zach said', he wanted to hash it out face to face. And he wouldn't settle for anything less than the truth. After all, he'd be able to easily sniff it out otherwise.

Dorian's muzzle twisted into a sneer as he broke eye contact with his son.

"I told y'all not to go back to the fair." The wolf muttered. "But what did you do? You j-"

"Oh, so that's the reason?" Vernon cut him off, pounding a paw against the armrest as he tried to meet his father's gaze.

"I ask for a modicum of respect from any mammal my sons bring home." The wolf continued. "And what have you two done?" Dorian tapped his glass against the desk. "You've both gone a spited me at every turn!"

"When Dawn came to you..." Vernon growled. "We hadn't gone back to the fair yet, nor did we intend to." The wolf hissed. "And there ain't a damn rule on the books that says it's illegal to be a pred-prey couple in public!"

"There is about causin' a stir!" Dorian snapped back, taking a sip of his brandy. "Makin' a scene!"

"A scene we didn't start!" Vernon huffed. "A scene that it was your job to control!" The wolf continued. "Your job to protect the innocent!" Vernon had momentarily leaned out of his seat only to flop back into it lamely. "And instead you sided with the damn mob!"

"I told y'all not to go to the fair the first day didn't I!?" Dorian came back with, the wolf rising slightly out of his chair. "About how-"

"You didn't tell us anything!" Vernon snapped back. "You forced Zach to do it!"

Dorian let out a derisive snort.

"Regardless, you were told!" the wolf glowered at Vernon.

"You didn't do it in person because you knew you were in the wrong!" Vernon fired back with.

Dorian ran a paw through the fur on his scalp before slamming his glass against the table, nearly causing some of the brandy to slosh out.

"Vernon! Can Y'all even begin to grasp any mammal's life outside yer own?!" Dorian spat. "About the strain and risk Y'all two put on this family's reputation among the Meadowlander's because you chose to flaunt yer relationship with th-"

Dorian paused, the wolf's eyes squinting as he seemed to try to rethink his phrasing, but Vernon had already caught it.

"Go on, say it!" Vernon snarled. "Tell me how you really feel about Dawn and not that 'reputation' bullshit!"

Dorian growled at his son, the old wolf's ears flattening tightly against his head.

"It was never about that. Not at all." Vernon continued. "You had it out for Dawn from the first moment she stepped into our house." The wolf leaned forward in his chair, trying to meet his father's gaze. But his eyes continued to dart away. "Before a single rule was broached or broken you were ready to dump on her!"

"Vernon..." The wolf growled quietly, standing slightly in his seat.

But despite his father's warning tone, Vernon slumped back into his chair, now comfortable in his assertions.

"What, you thought I'd forget about our first dinner here?" Vernon continued. "After the way you treated Dawn then?" Vernon let out a scoff. "Hell, if it hadn't been for ma we would have been havin' this chat that night!"

The wolf leaned up on his armrest, his eyes shining with ire as he glared back at his father. "So don't feed me this tripe about how the Meadowlander's were set to scorn the family over Dawn." Vernon continued. "Every male in this family is datin' outside their species, so if that hadn't done the damage then nothin' would." Vernon gestured a paw lazily. "Even with Dawn's history."

"You don't know the Meadowlander's like I do Vernon, I-!"

Vernon tapped his nose idly. "Hunter's smell bullshit."

Dorian's growl deepened, but despite it Vernon continued.

"I saw you. You know I did." Vernon said firmly. "Today at the fair."

Dorian eased back into his chair under the sudden accusation, the wolf's tensed muzzle softening slightly as his guilty eyes tried to stray away from meeting his sons.

"When that crowd of mammals bought out the food at the stand in record time?" Vernon continued. "And you were standin' there prayin' you were gonna get another excuse to tell us 'I told y'all so' only to find out that the crowd was there because they were on a food run." The wolf spat. "That if anythin' us bein' there ended up helpin' ma's business and the Hunter reputation you seemed to be so damn worried about!"

"That doesn't matter!" Dorian spat. " What matters is that after everythin' that happened yesterday you decided Y'all just knew better, and went and had another go at temptin' disaster!"

"Ma did." Vernon replied, crossing his arms.

"What?" Dorian replied.

"Ma made the call fer us going back to the fair." The wolf continued. "We weren't gonna go, but she insisted." Vernon ran a paw through his scalp fur. "I ain't tryin' to pass the buck. But ma was the one willin' to prove that point for us."

The older wolf slowly slunk back into his chair, taking a quiet moment to appraise his dwindling glass of brandy before scooping it up in a paw and taking a swig.

"Of course she did..." Dorian grumbled. "But my point still stands." The wolf continued blearily. "Everyone in this family seems to have an unrealistic expectation that things will always 'just work out', even yer ma." The wolf took another sip of his brandy. " None of y'all spend enough time really thinkin' the long-term consequences through 'cept fer me! None of y'all!" Dorian spat.

"Like Zach didn't?" Vernon replied.

Dorian's eyes widened, and the wolf slowly sat back up. With a trembling paw Dorian set his glass back on to the desk. Slowly the wolf reached into the dark, grasping his decanter out of the inky blackness beyond the warm glow of the desk lamp.

"Yer 'little ewe' tell you what I said?" Dorian muttered as he filled the glass.

Vernon grit his teeth slightly at the hateful way the word 'little ewe' had sounded coming from his father's lips. An almost mocking, spiteful lilt to his tone as he said it. Vernon gripped his armrests again, digging his claws into the upholstery.

"She told me everything..." Vernon muttered. "Of course I had already heard from Zach by then about what you told him that morning before the fair."

Dorian finished pouring his drink, sliding the decanter back into the darkness beyond his desk.

"And what a surprise yer brother doesn't take it seriously enough as it is." Dorian muttered, taking a swig of his brandy.

"At least it makes more sense than yer other bullshit reasoning." Vernon retorted. "Trying to play like you had it out fer Dawn only because we weren't listen' to yer unreasonable demands!" The wolf crossed his arms. "Although I still don't fully believe that's why you got it out fer my mate."

Dorian started at Vernon in wide-eyed disbelief. His expression one of dumbfounded shock as he stared at Vernon in silence. The dead, awkward air lingered within the darkened chamber for what seemed like an eternity before Dorian managed to speak again. But when his voice returned, it came with a roar.

"Don't fully beli-!" Dorian shook his head. "DON'T FULLY BELIEVE!?"

The icy white wolf slammed his glass against the counter hard enough to crack it, and brandy began to seep slowly from the pressure wounds. Vernon flinched slightly at the sudden sharp noise, but quickly regained his composure as the older wolf began to pull napkins from his desk drawer. Dorian quickly grabbed a second glass, pouring what remained of his brandy into it before mopping up the spill with a wad of napkins.

"YER BROTHER NEARLY DIED VERNON!" Dorian spat as he sopped up the spilled beverage.

"IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT LITTLE GIMMER OF YOURS WAS PLANNIN' TO ENSLAVE ALL THE PREDS IN ZOOTOPIA OR WORSE! BUT SHE NEARLY KILT YER BROTHER!" Dorian shouted.

Vernon rose in his seat as the fire within him started to burn.

"Don't...call...her...that..." Vernon growled, his voice low and trembling as he balled his fists. It was one thing to hear from Dawn that Dorian had used such a terrible slur, but it was entirely different to hear it directly from the older wolf's muzzle. Vernon had nearly lost himself right there, but somehow managed to keep the ire down enough to respond in a relatively calm manner.

"That's what yer concerned about?" Dorian said with an odd chuckle as he ran a paw through his head fur. "Yer brother NEARLY DIED!" Dorian spat, pounding a paw against his desk.

"Is that gettin' through that thick skull o' yers!?" The wolf continued. "Or are we gonna sit here discussin' my phrasin' all night instead?"

"That..." Vernon muttered, easing slowly back into his seat. "Wasn't Dawn's fault." Vernon looked his father square in his steely grey orbs. "You can't blame her for that."

"I CAN'T?" Dorian laughed again. "I can't blame her for that can I?"

"Dawn didn't put that gun in the wolf's paw." Vernon continued, gripping the armrests on his chair in an effort to maintain his composure. "She didn't push Zach in front of that little ewe."

"She might as well have!" Dorian hissed.

"But she didn't!" Vernon spat back.

Dorian rolled his eyes. "Well correct me if I'm wrong then, but didn't she try to frame all predators as savages in order to have an excuse to remove them from society and treat 'em as second class citizens!?"

Vernon grit his teeth. Under the circumstances, he didn't want to agree with the old mammal on anything, but Vernon was hard pressed to deny a cold, hard fact. The wolf gave a slow, reluctant affirmative nod.

"But she's done her time for it!" Vernon added. "And she's tryin' to make a clean break!"

"And the day she got caught, didn't it turn a bunch of preds on sheep-folk over the alleged conspiracy?" Dorian ignored Vernon, electing to continue his rant as if he hadn't spoken.

Vernon furrowed his brow. His father's logic was already flawed, but he knew the wolf would refuse to hear it at this point.

"But she didn't ma-"

"And yer brother was shot by one of them wolves wasn't he!?" Dorian snapped, leaning over the desk slightly as he eyed Vernon with shimmering, glossy eyes. "Shot tryin' to defend a little ewe who was bein' targeted because of what Bellwether did!?"

"But she still didn't force that to happen!" Vernon interjected. "She didn't choose to make things play out like that!"

Dorian chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose she would have preferred her plan went off without a hitch..." The wolf rolled his eyes. "But like I said, things don't always work out."

Vernon stood up, letting out a snarl as he glared at his father. despite the mild inebriation, the white wolf didn't flinch.

"She knows she was in the wrong, and she spends every day payin' penance for it!" Vernon snapped. "Even with all she's done, she's still poundin' her hooves to the pavement to try to make amends fer her actions!"

Vernon ran a trembling paw through his scalp fur.

"Teeth to tails! Doesn't it count fer anythin' that she saved the city from her pa's attempt to finish what she started!?"

At that Dorian seemed to wince, his ears flatting against his head as he slipped back into his chair. The wolf broke eye contact, now staring at his glass of brandy as he idly swished it in his paw. The amber liquid flittered with light as it swayed in the glass.

"Tell it to yer ma." Dorian muttered. "After what she and I had to endure when Zach nearly died."

"I did!" Vernon snapped, his eyes fixed on the dour wolf seated in front of him. "And like me, she thought connecting Dawn to that was a bridge to far!"

Dorian scoffed.

"Besides if any mammal is to blame for what happened to Zach, then by your own logic, it's your fault!"

Dorian squinted at the wolf, a glimmer of fire shining in his eyes as he met Vernon's gaze. The wolf's muzzle peeled back into a hateful sneer as he glared up at his son.

"What?" Dorian growled.

"You knew Dawn's mother didn't you?" Vernon continued, his tone trembling as he desperately tried to keep his cool. But despite it, the edge in his voice was starting to swell. "You were friends with her since you were kids..."

Dorian's eyes remained fixed on Vernon, the grey lenses scanning the wolf as he began to pace in front of the desk.

"Which is why you always tried to look out for her, even when she took up with Dawn's pa." Vernon continued. "And when he started abusing her you tried to get her to press charges, but she wouldn't."

Dorian furrowed his brow, his glare remaining leveled at the wolf as it appeared he was struggling to follow what Vernon was getting at.

"But when Dawn was born, and you knew from my interactions with her that she was being abused too, what did you do?" The wolf turned on his heels, stabbing an accusatory finger at the old wolf. "Did you call child protective services to have Dawn removed for her own safety?"

Dorian opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came. The wolf seemed to be mouthing wordlessly as he struggled to come up with something to retort with, but Vernon wasn't done.

"You knew it was going on!" Vernon continued. "Even before I was friends with Dawn!" Vernon huffed. "And while you couldn't get Clover to press charges against Aster, you damn well could have had Dawn removed from that house!"

"Y-you..." Dorian struggled, the icy white wolf seeming to try to pull himself to a standing position but failing as he nearly spilled his brandy again.

"And because of what you didn't do, Dawn remained in an abusive household!" Vernon stabbed his claw at the mammal again. "And it allowed Aster to turn her into what she grew up to be, and set her on the path to her gettin' involved in the night howler scandal!"

"THAT'S INSANE!" Dorian finally managed to spit, the wolf clambering to his feet and stabbing a shaking finger toward Vernon. "YO-!"

"It's no less insane than blamin' Dawn fer what happened to Zach! It's the same thing!" Vernon snapped back with.

"That's entirely different!" Dorian growled.

"How!?" Vernon retorted. "It's just as far removed!" Vernon placed his paws on his hips. "If you can blame her for Zach, why can't I blame you for messin' her up in the first place!" Vernon hissed. "All because you were too soft on her mother to do anythin'!"

"YOU BITE YER DAMN TONGUE BOY OR I'LL-!" Dorian was in Vernon's face now, the stench of alcohol so strong that Vernon's muzzle curled back in response to the sting. But despite the inadvertent recoil, Vernon met his father with equal fervor.

"OR YOU'LL WHAT!?" Vernon spat, a thrumming steady growl rising in his throat. "SEND ME TO MY ROOM BECAUSE I'M IN THE RIGHT?"

Dorian continued to glare in silence as Vernon continued, the wolf's shining white teeth bared as if he were ready to attack.

"FACE IT!" Vernon spat. "IF YER WILLIN' TO BLAME DAWN FOR ZACH, THEN I CAN JUST AS EASILY BLAME YOU FER HURTIN' DAWN!" The wolf growled. "FOR RUINING MY BEST FRIEND'S LIFE! FOR KILLING HER CHILDHOOD THROUGH YOUR OWN INABILITY TO ACT!" Vernon snarled. "SHE'S ONLY THE MONSTER YOU HELPED MAKE HER!"

"VERNON!" Dorian snapped his teeth, his steely grey stare remaining leveled on his son. The white wolf placed his glass on the desk before covering his eyes with his paw. The wolf held his paw there for a moment before sweeping it over his scalp.

"Why are you goin' to bat fer a CRIMINAL!?" Dorian spat. "Actually arguin' fer her over YER OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!?"

Vernon's eyes went wide, his nostrils flaring as the rising heat within him reached its boiling point. His father was clearly trying to circle the wagons, switching back to something to blame Dawn for that he felt was an unquestionable truth now that Vernon had framed his other arguments as hypocritical. But the wolf wasn't having it.

Vernon snarled, slamming his fists on his father's desk hard enough to make his glass of brandy jump. "THAT EWE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!"

Despite Vernon's powerful declaration, Dorian appeared unmoved. His muzzle remaining curled in a sneer as he stared back at his son.

"AND SHE'S DOIN' HER DAMNDEST TO MAKE IT RIGHT!" Vernon continued, the wolf clenching his teeth between each angry bark. "TO MEND WHAT SHE DONE WRONG!"

Vernon huffed and panted as he stared deep into his father's unflinching grey eyes. The wolf was still tired from his scuffle with Yuri, and the energy it was taking to yell at the older wolf only served to tire him further.

"SHE JU!-" Vernon's voice broke, his tone quavering as he struggled to find his words. "ALL SHE W-!" Dorian remained silent as he watched the wolf. Vernon gesturing at nothing as his frustration managed to get the better of him.

Vernon let out a long sigh before slumping back into the antique armchair lamely, the wolf lolling his head back against the cushion as he placed a paw over his eyes.

"All she wants..." Vernon mumbled. "All we want..." The wolf corrected himself. "Is to be given a chance."

The wolf leaned up slightly, parting his fingers to allow one of his eyes to fall on his father. The law wolf had picked up his glass of brandy again, but his eyes were still fixed on Vernon.

"Is that too much to ask pa?" Vernon whined. "Doesn't she deserve at least that?"

Dorian swirled the last bit of brandy in his cup around idly before drinking it down in one full swig and tapping it against the table. For a moment the wolf turned his head, his muzzle scrunching up as he clearly was having a hard time processing the gulp of the potent spirits. Dorian cleared his throat, letting out a few stray coughs before finally letting out a long, tired sigh.

"I stand by my reasons..." The wolf muttered. "All of 'em."

Vernon stared back at the wolf in disbelief.

"And I ain't to be swayed on it." Dorian continued. "That ewe made her bed, and she's gonna have to lie in it!" The wolf grunted.

Vernon was out of his chair in a flash, his paws on the table as he glared at his father with renewed rage.

"HOW CAN YOU BE THAT WAY!?" Vernon cried.

Dorian was nearly as quick to his feet as Vernon was, the white wolf's face now inches away from Vernon's own as he glared into his eyes.

"TELL ME SHE AIN'T ACCOUNTABLE FER HER ACTIONS VERNON!" Dorian snapped back. "TELL ME SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE CHANCE TO STOP BEFORE SHE WENT TO FAR!?"

The white wolf slumped back into his chair sharply, seemingly winded by his own outburst. Perhaps the brandy was starting to overpower the older wolf. But despite it, Dorian reached back into the dark for his decanter, and began to fill his empty glass once again. As the amber liquid flittered in the dim lighting, slowly filling the crystal glass, Dorian pointed one of his fingers that was wrapped around the bottle toward Vernon.

"Time..." Dorian muttered.

"What?" Vernon replied.

"You asked me what difference there was between me needin' to protect that ewe when she was little versus how yer brother got shot." The wolf continued. "And the answer is time."

Vernon frowned.

"At a certain point we all become accountable fer own actions." Dorian continued. The wolf topped off his glass before sliding the decanter back into the dark. "And no amount of excuses about yer past and yer troubles is valid when it comes to what you choose to do." The wolf grabbed the shining glass of amber liquid, idly swishing it in his paw as he watched the brandy shimmer in the dim light.

"It doesn't matter that I didn't step in, what matters is that when the time came she acted of her own accord." Dorian sighed. "She chose to do what she did, and she's payin' the price for it."

Vernon grit his teeth, the growl in his throat growing louder and louder as he seethed. While one could argue that some degree of what his father was saying was true, it once again was a senseless misdirection that only furthered to undermine the wolf's blatant hypocrisy.

"So now yer judge and jury too? The courts y'all uphold don't know when someone is punished enough, but you do?" Vernon hissed.

The older wolf remained silent, seemingly finding Vernon's question one not worthy of dignifying with a response. But the wolf was fine with that, after all he had a much better question for him.

Dorian scoffed, turning his head from Vernon and staring at the darkened window across from the desk. The sun was setting now, and the fading orange lighting was slipping further and further up the side of the nearby mountains as dusk was setting in.

"So at what point..." Vernon growled. "Did that wolf trying to shoot that little lamb become 'his own actions' huh?" Vernon hissed. "At what point did Zach's 'choice' to jump in the way of the shot become his ow-!"

"DAMNIT VERNON!" Dorian snarled, slamming his glass on the desk. But Vernon ignored it, shoving his face back into his father's and glaring at him with hateful eyes.

"DAMNIT WHAT!?" Vernon snarled. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU KEEP MAKING POOR ARGUMENTS TO JUSTIFY YOUR TREATMENT OF MY MATE!" The wolf continued to growl, his unblinking eyes fixed on Dorian's own. "I CAME IN HERE ASKIN' FER THE TRUTH BUT YOU JUST KEEP AVOIDIN' IT!"

"I AIN'T AVOIDIN' NOTHIN'!" Dorian spat. "YER DAWN IS A CRIMINAL!"

Vernon turned away from the wolf, the seething rage within burning so hot it was getting hard for the wolf to see straight. Vernon's forehead was pounding now, most likely from a mixture of the pain from the wounds by Yuri and his growing annoyance in dealing with his father. Vernon placed a paw on his muzzle, pinching the bridge of it as he tried to calm himself with slow, methodical breaths.

As the wolf calmed himself, a deafening silence had shrouded the room in the absence of the shouting. Vernon wasn't sure what his father was doing with his back turned to the mammal, but it was clear he had nothing to add to his declaration as the silence lingered. With the flame inside quieted for the moment, Vernon let out a final shuddering sigh before turning back to face the wolf.

"What happened to you..?" Vernon whined softly.

Dorian just stared blankly back at him, the wolf's head swaying ever so slightly as Vernon assumed was the fault of the buzz of the brandy.

"You believed in rehabilitating criminals." Vernon continued. "In giving any mammal who was actually trying a chance to better themselves!"

Dorian broke his line of sight with Vernon, looking off into one of the dark corners of his study.

"You can see Dawn is trying! You know it!" Vernon whimpered. "I can see it in your eyes!"

For a moment the white wolf seemed to frown, his eyes continuing to evade Vernon's as he looked increasingly uncomfortable.

"So why?!" Vernon protested, leaning his paws on his father's desk once again. "Why won't you just give her that chance!?" Vernon whined. "To give us that chance!"

Dorian eyed the drink in his paw, swishing it lamely in his grip as he remained silent. The wolf seemed to be lost in thought, at least to some degree, his eyes following the strands of light as they shimmered through the liquid in the glass for what seemed like minutes before he seemed to muster the energy to reply.

"The mammal who believed in those sorts of things..." Dorian muttered. "Died the day yer brother almost did."

Despite what sounded like strong conviction in the tone of his statement, he was still avoiding Vernon's gaze. It was another lie, or at the very least a half-truth, and Vernon could smell it a mile away.

"THAT'S BULL!" Vernon snapped, his muzzle twisting into a snarl as glared down at the white wolf.

Slowly Dorian raised his head, his muzzle twisted into a sneer of its own as he glared back at the wolf.

"How...DARE YOU!" Dorian spat.

"How DARE I!?" Vernon chuckled in disbelief. "Did you give up believing in Hunter's intuition too!?" Vernon hissed. "At the very least if you are going to try to bullshit your way through a conversation you could start by LOOKING ME IN THE EYE WHEN YOU TRY TO LIE TO ME!"

Dorian pounded a paw on the desk, causing the assorted ornaments scattered about to jump as the wolf bared his teeth at Vernon.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IN NOTHIN' NO MORE! I DON'T TRUST NO ONE NO MORE!" Dorian snarled. "AND I AIN'T ABOUT TO BUDGE ON LETTIN' YOU MAKE ANOTHER LIFE RUININ' DECISION WHILE I'M STILL ALIVE!"

Vernon's ears sagged as he glared back at his father in a mixture of disgust and disbelief. His father had always been fairly straightforward with his feelings towards Vernon's attempts at becoming an architect. But it never made hearing it straight from the wolf's muzzle any easier to stomach.

"She's just another bad decision Vernon." Dorian lowered his voice as he eased back into his chair. "I tried and failed to fight you on that frivolous career of yours, but I can't let somethin' as major as yer choice in mate get muddied up!" Dorian shook his head dismissively. "Don't you understand? I'm lookin' out fer your best interests here!"

"Is it in my best interest to leave the mammal I love just because you say so!?" Vernon replied with a derisive snort.

"Vernon."

"Why are you so quick to write her off!?" Vernon snapped back. "To just ignore your principles and turn your back on her!? On us!?"

Dorian furrowed his brow. "You don't know what's best fer you. What bein' attached to that gal is going to do to your life! To this family!" Dorian took a swig of his brandy. "However you think she's feelin' for you is nothin' but a ruse! It's-"

Vernon slammed a paw on the table so hard several items spilled off of Dorian's desk. For the first time, throughout the entire argument, the white-furred wolf flinched at the impact, his ears bowing against his head as he looked up at his son. The room had fallen deathly silent as Vernon glared down at the mammal before him, a mixture of rage and disgust burning in his eyes as he struggled to contain himself.

"Don't..." Vernon said coldly. "Don't you dare..."

But despite Vernon's cold plea, the wolf continued.

"It's a mistake Vernon. It's-"

"Then it is my mistake to make." Vernon muttered. "I trust that ewe with my life, and nothing you have to say is going to sway me otherwise."

The room fell silent as the two wolves simply stared at one another, their eyes locked in a wordless showdown of emotional response. They were both searching, looking for the mammal who was going to flinch first as the quiet grew more deafening with each passing minute.

Vernon was trying his hardest to keep the tears he could feel rising inside from making their way to the surface, but he could feel himself starting to slip.

"You said..." Vernon muttered, balling his fists tightly as he spoke. "That at a certain point we all become accountable for our own actions."

Dorian simply watched Vernon in silence, the wolf's eyes squinting slightly as he kept his focus on the wolf.

"And you were done being accountable fer my actions twelve plus years ago." Vernon continued. "When I became recognized as an adult by Zootopian and North Mammalian law." Vernon sniffled slightly as the hot tears began to stream quietly from his eyes. "You didn't stop me from bein' what I wanted to be, and you ain't gonna stop me from bein' with who I want to be with."

Dorian grimaced sharply, the wolfs ears flattening against his head.

"I'm going to tithe Dawn." Vernon continued. "With or without yer approval."

The white wolf's ears suddenly stood to attention, Dorian's expression a mixture of shock and disbelief, but only for a moment. Soon enough the wolf started chuckling, slapping his knee with a paw as he laughed to himself.

"That's a good one boy..." Dorian snickered. "But Y'all know that's not how tithe's work."

Dorian stabbed a thumb into his chest, flashing the wolf a bemused smirk.

"You know the tradition Vernon." The white wolf shook his head. "Y'all need my approval to be able to go through with the ceremony. To agree to countin' that gal as one of our own."

"That only applies to Hunters..." Vernon replied coldly.

Dorian's quiet chuckling stopped almost as soon as the word's left Vernon's muzzle. His steely grey eyes now searching the wolf for what Vernon assumed was some hint of a tell, something to sooth Dorian's growing fear that Vernon's hinting statement was in fact, a serious one. But as his scanning lingered, Vernon could see his ears drooping slower and slower until they had flattened against his head.

"What?" Dorian asked, the wolf letting out a chuckle in clear disbelief. "What did you say?"

"The only mammal who can call the shots in my life is me pa." Vernon spoke, his tone firm despite the tears still forming at the corners of his eyes. "You didn't get to call it fer my job, and you ain't gonna call it fer who I get to choose fer my mate."

Vernon took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as the white wolf watched him in stunned silence.

"So if you ain't going to let me tithe Dawn the way she deserves..." The wolf continued. "If you won't allow her to take the family name...then..." Vernon paused for a moment as the tension in his chest tightened. He knew the words would be difficult to even say, but the old mam' had left him no other choice.

"Then holdin' on to that name ain't worth it." Vernon continued. "And I refuse to keep it."

Dorian opened his muzzle to speak, but no words came. His maw hung open dumbly for a few moments before the wolf closed it again. Dorian fell quiet for what seemed like minutes, the wolf staring at the brandy in his glass as he twiddled the container between his paws. His other paw was clasped against his chin, tugging slightly at his muzzle as he apparently was mulling over Vernon's statement.

"You...you can't." The wolf finally croaked. His voice was almost inaudible as he continued to stare at his glass. "W-We ain't native wolves, you can't just-!"

"We have native blood in our veins." Vernon continued. "Never much needed to rely on it before, but now's the perfect time to start invokin' some of those traditions." Vernon shook his head dismissively. "Or did you forget what great-great grandma did? How she ended up becomin' a Hunter in the first place?"

"But you can't just-!" Dorian stood up, shock and dismay lacing his features as he stared back at the grey wolf. "I mean it ai-!" The wolf stammered, running a paw through his head fur. "She left because-!"

"She didn't see eye to eye with her pack." Vernon concluded the law wolf's statement. "So she threw away her name." Vernon grit his teeth as the tears continued to pour. "She chose to become an Omega in their eyes rather than submit to whatever unjust demands they asked of her!" The wolf roughly swabbed a paw at his eyes in an effort to stop the stream of tears, but to no avail.

"And I'm doing the same." The wolf said.

Dorian stared at him in silent disbelief, and Vernon could swear he could see tears starting to form in the old wolf's eyes. But as quickly as he had seen them, they were swept away as the wolf's features twisted into a snarl. Dorian bared his teeth, letting out an almost roaring growl as he threw the glass he was holding against the nearest wall. Out of the corner of Vernon's eye, he could briefly see the shards of glass glimmering like stars against the dim lighting as they fell before disappearing into the darkness.

"YER GONNA JUST SPIT IN YER FAMILIES FACE LIKE THAT!?" Dorian snarled. "AFTER EVERYTHIN' ME AND YER MOMMA DID!? YER JUST GONNA TOSS OUR NAME OUT FER SOME LITTLE CRIMINAL GIMMER!"            "SHUT YER DAMN MOUTH!" Vernon snapped back, clasping his muzzle almost as soon as he said it in surprise of his own outburst. But it was only for a moment, the involuntary reflex the result of the fleeting last gasps of the mammal that gave a damn about how he spoke to his father.

"SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO BOY!? HUH!?" Dorian hissed, slamming his paws on the desk sharply. "JUST WALK OUT OF HERE AND WHAT!? MAKE UP A NEW NAME FER YERSELF!?"

"I'll be tithing as a Bellwether." Vernon replied coldly.

Vernon could swear he saw the wolf's eye twitching, the flesh below his fur grew increasingly crimson as the wolf tried to choke out a response.

"I-! YO-Y-!" Dorian sputtered, the wolf was clearly grasping now. With another sharp pound against his desk, the wolf managed to force out some semblance of an argument.

"Y-YOU TALK ABOUT HONOR!" Dorian spat. "AND YER GONNA TAKE THE NAME OF THE FAMILY THAT IS MOST KNOWN FER TRYIN' TO KILL ZOOTOPIA!" The wolf sneered.

"I'll wear it with pride." Vernon was shuddering now, trying his damndest to keep from screaming back at the wolf. " I'd rather live under whatever shame bein' a Bellwether may carry than live under a name that doesn't stand fer anything anymore."

Dorian sat down slowly, moving in an almost mechanical fashion. The wolf was simply staring at his desk as he slumped back into his seat as the room once again fell into a deafening silence. The only thing Vernon could hear now was his breathing, the air still pumping in and out of his lungs as he prepared for the worst. The silence went on for what felt like eons as Vernon waited to hear something, anything from the old wolf. He wasn't sure what to expect now that he had laid it all out there, but the odds looked grim.

"Get out..." Vernon heard the wolf mumble.

It stung to hear it, but the wolf knew the risks. He knew that his father might not budge no matter how hard he threatened to leave the family. That the wolf's stubborn nature might force Vernon's paw into making good on his threat. But still, now that he was standing there, actually facing what he feared his father might do, it still cut just as deeply as he imagined it would.

Vernon tried to move, to step away from the desk. But his legs seemed to be locked to the floor. A part of his mind was still struggling to come to terms with his father's choice.

The white wolf slowly raised his head, his eyes shimmering despite his muzzle being twisted into a painful looking grimace. Vernon was certain he could see tears now.

"GET OUT!" Dorian snarled. "GET OFF THIS RANCH AND RUN BACK TO THAT CITY OF YERS!"

Vernon was emotionally torn. He could see his father clearly didn't want to do what he was doing, the tears were proof enough. But Vernon wasn't going to budge either. He was going to stand for his mate, for what the Hunter families beliefs stood for even if his father no longer believed in them.

"I'LL BE OUT FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING!" Vernon snapped back, a fresh wave of tears forming in his eyes. "THEN YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO SEE ME AGAIN!"

Vernon spun on his heels, turning back to the door from which he entered the office. The wolf began to rapidly storm out of the room, trying desperately to choke back the tears as he trudged out.

"AND Y'ALL CAN KEEP YER PRECIOUS REPUTATION INTACT!" Vernon spat.

"GOOD!" He heard Dorian retort. " US HUNTERS DON'T NEED ANYMORE TROUBLE FROM AN...OMEGA LIKE YOU!"

Vernon stopped at the door, turning to glance back at the white wolf seated at the desk. The wolf sat there, his paws gripped to his muzzle despite the look of rage etched into his muzzle. It was clear that much like Vernon, the wolf had reflexively tried to stop himself, knowing he had gone too far.

"I'll be glad just to never have to see you again." Vernon muttered through his teeth.

And with that Vernon left the wolf's office, slamming the oak door sharply behind him. There was a mixture of emotions now at war within the wolf. Pain, anguish, rage, sorrow, all clamoring to be expressed at once as the wolf clutched his head in pain. But that only managed to upset the wolf further as he managed to skim one of his numerous bruises with a paw, adding a fresh sting of pain on top of his already agonizing headache. Everything felt as though it was weighing down on the wolf all at once, his emotions creating a sort of phantom pressure all around him. Squeezing at his heart, pressing down on his lungs and stealing his breath. The walls of the hallway seemed to be inching closer and closer in his minds eye. Slowly enclosing around the wolf and adding a layer of building claustrophobia to the myriad of other sensations plaguing his troubled mind. It all felt so stifling, so unbearable. He needed to get away, to out of the house, to get some fresh air into his lungs as they struggled to function around the well of pain that pulsing in his chest.

The wolf had barely finished slamming the door before continuing his trudge down the hall, running a paw down the wall to steady himself as he stormed toward the porch. Coming up to the screen door that separated the two rooms, the wolf nearly wrenched the screen free of its frame before remembering through the painful haze of thoughts swirling around his mind at once that the door needed to be pushed rather than pulled.

Vernon let out an angry, almost feral roar as he slammed the door open and stomped out onto the lonely enclosed porch.

The cold, crisp air hit the wolf in a sharp blast as he passed from the lingering warmth of the house's heating, only adding to the sting of the hot tears that rolled down his cheeks. Vernon took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the piercing cold autumn breeze as he ran a paw through his head fur. Leaning back, he could barely make out the orange tinted moon that sat partially obscured by the edging of the porch frame.

Silence. Pure, blissful, non-judgmental silence was all that surrounded the wolf now. The caress of the autumn wind and the welcoming glow of the harvest moon leering down at the wolf on the tiny porch below. It was sobering to say the least, and as the wolf managed to drag himself over to the nearby porch swing to get a better view of the orb that hung in the increasingly darkening sky Vernon could feel the painful emotions that swirled within him begin to relent.

He wasn't happy with what happened, that was for sure. In all honesty, he didn't want to have to turn his back on the rest of his family. To never be able to visit the place where he grew up again for the rest of his days. But he could live with it. He could get by without visiting the ranch, without seeing his father again. Because the alternative was non-negotiable. He had already lost Dawn once, and nearly lost her again during 'Zootopia's Last Night'. And he would be damned if he was going to let anyone take her away from him again.  

As the wolf watched the now fully visible moon, for the first time since that cold, terrible night in tundra town he felt a strange yet familiar urge. The need to partake in something he rarely, if ever did. But if there was ever a time it felt more appropriate, more necessary. It was now.

The wolf closed his eyes, turning his muzzle skyward before letting out a long, mournful howl. He forced every bit of his anguish, his frustration, his sorrow, everything he had into the long, drawn-out call as it carried across the winds. In the distance, he could hear a few other wolves pick up the call. Answering with quiet, mournful howls of their own as they shared in Vernon's pain. Some were recognizable as members of his own family, probably still assembled at the picnic grounds. Their quiet howls of anguish were all too telling that they understood exactly what had happened, and even those of his brothers who were not the kind to be drawn into an involuntary howl could be heard among the calls.

But most of the call had come from strangers, the calls of wolves he'd probably never meet. But in that moment, his pain was shared with those strangers in the dark. And the feeling of solidarity was enough to put the wolf at ease as he drew his howl to a close.

A slow, quiet creak broke the wolf out of the comforting trance the howl had left him in.

"Vernon?"

[personas-against-antis]

My experience with anti-ism and back

Inspired by @huntypastellance's interviews with ex-antis, I decided to post my own story of how I became an anti and how I got out.

My inbox and messages are open in case anyone has any questions or wants to say anything.

Apologies for any typos, my typing is not the greatest.

Names have been changed to protect my friends’ privacy and to prevent certain antis mentioned from coming after me again.

Where It All Started

So back in middle school I fell in love with an anime called Hetalia, about the interactions between anthropomorphized versions of various countries. I had been in fandom for a while (my first big fandom was Sonic, but that was before antis went mainstream), and I was a pretty big follower of "don't like, don't read/look". When I joined, I immediately latched on to the ship AmeCan, or America/Canada.

They were cute and it was my OTP for a long time. The only problem with AmeCan is that, by a large majority of the fandom, America and Canada were considered brothers. I personally didn't see them that way, I saw them as adopted brothers at most, and I was always pretty squicked out by shippy fanfics that depicted them as biological brothers. The ship itself was still pretty big in that fandom, so I ignored the haters and immersed myself in fanart and fanfic.

I met a girl at my school (let's call her Duchess) who also liked Hetalia and we quickly hit it off. We soon asked what each other's OTPs were.

Me: Oh, I ship AmeCan.

Duchess: ...

Me: What is it?

Duchess: You realize they're brothers, right?

Me: Oh, I don't see them that way because [insert reasoning that I don't want to have to explain to non-Hetalians, just know that I explained that I didn't see them as brothers.]

Duchess: But it's canon. They canonly see each other as brothers.

Me: Oh...

In hindsight, I probably should have asked what she meant by “it’s canon”. Either way, I began to drift away from AmeCan due to lack of interest, and towards other ships (Romerica and AmeBela), and then to other fandoms. She still remained one of my closest friends.

Down The Rabbit Hole

I began to get really into kawaii culture and browsed the tags pretty regularly. Over time, I came across CG/L content. It squicked me out at first, but due to some sort of bile fascination, I began browsing CG/L blogs and began learning about that subculture. I actually enjoyed it quite a lot, but I knew that it would be inappropriate for someone my age (around 13-14 years old) to participate in kink, so I kept my distance and admired it from afar.

Soon, Duchess brought it up at lunch.

Duchess: I really hate seeing DDGL stuff everywhere.

Me: Haha, yeah...

Duchess: I mean, It's practically pedophilia!

Me: Mhm...

That's what I had thought at first too, before researching it. But she kept talking about it.

Duchess: They're sexualizing children, and children's toys! It's so gross! I actually made a blog against it.

Me: Whoa, really?

Duchess showed me her anti-CGL blog and I quickly followed it because she was my friend, and slowly began to follow other anti-DDLG blogs as well, even making my own: rise-against-ddlg. I took it down due to lack of interest, but antis had already grown on tumblr, and I was torn between my "don't like, don't look" policy, and wanting to "help" survivors. So outwardly, I became an anti, while guiltily reading "problematic" fic and playing "problematic" games in secret.

One such problematic game was Yandere Simulator, and I began to browse those tags too, when I discovered another anti blog, this time against Yandere Simulator and Alex Mahan, a.k.a. Yandere Dev. I learned he was fairly homophobic, sexist, and transphobic, especially in his own private chatroom, and began to idolize that anti blog. Suddenly, they released an invitation to a Skype group chat. Eager to meet my heroes, I quickly applied and was approved.

The Group Chat Incident

I loved that chat. It started with 15 people, but slowly trickled down to nine, including myself. I found myself isolating myself away from my real life friends and family, too focused on the group chat, as they made dropping out of high school and staying online all day sound cool. I kissed up to them, desperate to be seen as a good person. But, soon, I began to question myself and the group. The mods were very against "problematic" content, like Killing Stalking, and NSFW depictions of minors, but were also quick to draw NSFW of minors (specifically Budo and Senpai from YS). I introduced them tot he game Boyfriend To Death, and one of them quickly latched on to the character of Rire, who brutally rapes the protagonist in game, despite them being against rape. The main mod even introduced the group to a game called Artificial Academy 2, in which you can rape others and be raped.

...There was a lot of rape and NSFW in that chat.

But, there was also a hierachy. At the top were the two main mods of that YS blog, Mod H and Mod J. Joining them at the top was a very cool person and a good artist who acted very much like an older sibling to all of us, Member M. Then, there were three more people who tended to kiss Mod H, Mod J, and Member M's asses, and at the bottom was me, my friend Foam, and Member C. Mod H was the ruler of that chat. Anything they said, went, and if you disagreed, they'd suddenly play victim, manipulating and gaslighting you into apologizing. They loved Dragon Age, and now that game has been forever tainted for me, considering how much they shoved it down my throat. They would also tease me and my interest in Persona 5 (saying that the protagonist looked like The Onceler, subsequently calling me a "Onceler Fucker" for finding him attractive, along with making fun of when my tongue slipped and pronounced "Goro" as "Gort"), only stopping when I had Foam address the group to tell them to stop. There was a livestream that I was really excited for, talking about it since it was announced and they seemed hyped for me as well. Only when I placed a rabb.it link in the chat so we could all watch, only Member C showed up. When I returned to that chat, they were watching Yuri On Ice, and they wouldn't even let me talk about my livestream.

During that time period, I created a group chat for me, Foam, and another internet friend I will call Emilia. I though Foam and Emilia would get along really well, so i formed a Skype chat with them, and allowed them to talk. Slowly though, me and Foam began to use that chat to bitch about the group chat behind their backs, because we were terrified of the backlash if we tried to criticize them to their faces, due to Mod H's tactics of avoiding conflict. We soon added Member C to the chat as well, after they were constantly getting dogpiled by the rest of the chat.

That December, the Bode meme was in full swing and Foam mentioned in the group chat that he didn't get it. The group chat immediately began to make fun of him and I, sick of letting them control our lives, stood up for him. The group chat just continued to dogpile and we continued to try and fight until Mod H eventually left the chat, in one of their methods to get us to apologize to them. I was feeling overwhelmed and also left, and Foam tried to surrender and tell the chat to stop, but they wouldn't let up and he left too. Member C was the only member we remained on good terms with who was still in the group chat.

I made a post on my blog saying that i didn't want to interact with those people anymore and they got mad and began to try and message me. I eventually messaged an official statement, citing their abuse of me and Foam, and blocked all of them across social media.

They created a fake blog to get around the block, and I was dumb enough to fall for it.

Member C even turned on us, revealing me and Foam's messages with her and claiming we were abusing and bullying them. Suffice to say, I cut off all contact with Member C and changed my main blog's URL.

I was harassed and stalked and I carried that fear of them looking at my blog for a long time. I still worry about it sometimes.

The worst part, in my opinion, was that I changed my own name that I had chosen for myself because it had become a trigger for me hearing them say it so many times. And I really, really loved that name.

There was so much hypocrisy, so much fear in that chat. Now, looking back, I wished I had never joined, but in those months after I left...I felt empty inside. Aimless.

Out of curiosity, I looked up cult behaviors, and that chat hit nearly every single one. It's scary looking back on it. Even writing this, over a year after I left, my heart hurts.

But even leaving a cultish group chat didn't knock me out of anti-ism.

Villain Ships and Past Revelations

Remember how I mentioned that I love Persona 5? Well, I ship a ship called ShuAke, which a very loud subset of people claim is abusive.

Spoilers for Persona 5 up ahead.

ShuAke is a ship between the protagonist (shujinko in Japanese, which is where the "shu" comes from) and Goro Akechi. I shipped ShuAke since before Goro's name was announced, when all we knew was his design. Goro turned out to be a detective hunting the Phantom Thieves, the protagonist's group. The cat and mouse aesthetic really suited my fancy, with the protagonist's thief alter ego, Joker, seducing the naive Detective Prince. Swoon.

Of course, the ship shattered when the game was released in Japan and it turns out Goro tried to kill the protagonist, was working for the bad guy, and betrayed the whole group.

I was shocked and essentially went through the five stages of grief. I was torn between abandoning the "abusive" ship and evil character...or ignoring the haters and shipping it anyway. After way too much debate, I chose the latter and stuck with it.

The anti-ism died down quickly due to a lot of the fandom hibernating until the English release, and I happily shipped ShuAke and supported Goro Akechi with little objection. Even when the game was released in English, I stood my ground and even argued in support of Goro with anons.

And yet, I still considered myself an anti.

Late May of last year, some repressed memories came to light. I had been sexually abused by a close family member and a few girls at camp when I was younger, with other fragmented and questionable memories in my brain. It put my past into light, as I had also had a self destructive habit of attempting to seduce older men online, due to low self esteem. That was not a fun week for me, and I found myself diving into dark fic, particularly rape fic, in order to make sense of it all. I even wrote some in an effort to just get it out of my brain.

And it worked. It was really therapeutic for me.

And yet...

I still considered myself an anti. Every word I read or wrote was mixed with guilt over what I was doing, even though it worked. While I'm still a sexual abuse survivor, as I always will be, I'm much more well-adjusted by participating in those dark activities, rather than wallowing in self pity and slipping into a depression, like my old group chat would have expected me to do.

I dropped anti-ism later, with the help of one blog.

Back to "DL,DR"

The blog @anti-anti-survivor was recommended to me, and anti!me, looking for a laugh, clicked on it...and soon found that pretty much everything they said made sense to me. I saw Mod h in the people they argued with, Member C in the people they called out...and I realized that I had never been an anti, just hiding behind that label.

I sent an anonymous message to them (though I guess it isn't so anonymous anymore, ha), thanking them for opening my mind to it, and created my own anti-anti blog. I realize I'm not very active on here, but, well, I'm lazy and I'm more of a reader than anything else.

And of course, there was another problem.

Antis are fucking everywhere.

I'm terrified of posting pro-shipping stuff on my main, and I'm terrified of admitting I like problematic ships. I'm in a Discord server that keeps spouting anti-kink and anti-ship stuff, and I have to keep my mouth shut or risk being banned, just because most of the time they're really nice. Duchess even messaged me one day, absolutely shocked that I admitted to shipping Shidge.

I'm happy now that I don't have to feel that guilt but, reading what antis do and then finding out that people I hang out with are antis...it's horrifying. I'm not a confrontational person. I never have been. But I'm sick of rolling over and accepting what everyone else deems is problematic fiction.

I'm mentally ill, a sexual abuse survivor, and dark fic and dark shipping helps me cope.

Deal with it.

[daily-yoificrec]

11/19 recs

Haven’t been reading much because hiatus from fandom in general, but here’s what I have read since I went on hiatus.

- Generally everything that came out from this Shifty Skater Fic Exchange was quality, didn’t make me want to gouge my eyes out, and very fun. 

1.  questo calice di vino by damnslippyplanet || 2.7k, Rated T

Yuuri feels like he should remember this. Surely there’s some missing piece that would help him understand how he could possibly have gotten from “drooling over Victor’s forearms” to “boring him senseless with Yuuri’s stupid ideas for his stupid seminar paper about a serial killer who’ll probably get caught before Yuuri even takes the profiling seminar.”

No memory is forthcoming to help him out.

“You found a man like that,” Yurio says, waving a spoon accusingly at Yuuri. “ And you dirty-talked at him for two hours about murder. You have the worst game I have ever seen and you are never going to have sex again.”

“But we love you and it’s fine,” Phichit cuts in. He’s very loyal. Yuuri loves him, when he doesn’t want to stab him.

This is short, and sets up to the promise of a much larger plot, but it’s the first part of a series, so I have really high fucking hopes for it. Characterization is absolutely fucking lovely and I love how the writer cast yoi characters in certain roles. *cries at finally finding a quality hannibal/yoi au* 

2.  All the Lonely People by Orchids_and_Fictional_Cities || 11.3k, Rated E

Viktor Nikiforov, a young priest from the Moscow Patriarchate, is exiled to a sleepy seaside town in Japan. There, he soon learns that one of her citizens is hiding a terrible secret - and that he is not the only one who has strayed from the Divine.

Mind the tags, this is basically the staple priest/blasphemy fic that every fandom has. The buildup was great, the epistolary bit cleverly used to show insight into Victor’s past, and it was a thrill to read. I was cackling quite a lot through it. 

3.  Stranger Things by xylophones || 6.7k, Rated T

Viktor laughs. “You’re not, like, a cult leader or something right?” “Um.” Yuuri winces. “N-Not the leader, no.” Viktor stops laughing. (Or: There’s something living underneath the university, something dark and hungry and ancient.)

Honestly everything in this Monster Week 2017 series that the author wrote was novel and super fun to read. I recommend the entire series. This fic in particular had great setup for the various developments, and I found myself rereading it a few times because it was just that enjoyable. 

4.  Long Time the Manxome Foe He Sought by cryingoverspilledvodka  || Rated M, 18.2k

‘You never eat anything.'

‘That's not true,’ Yuuri replies, hearing how defensive he sounds and not being able to stop it. ‘I eat all the time. You know I do.’

—

Yuuri has everything he’s ever wanted. Victor loves him. And Yuuri loves Victor. More than almost anything.

Mind the tags on this one, please. I didn’t particularly love this fic, so to say, because when I read this I empathized with Yuuri a lot and it wasn’t pleasant. Rather, I’d say that I’m in awe of this fic, because the author very effectively portrayed the issues addressed in this fic in a way that made me pause several times to just digest what I’d read. It was hard to get into at first, but eventually I found myself being carried through Yuuri’s struggles and torn between siding with him despite his behavior and those around him. It’s a heavy read, not a light bedtime story. 

Highly recommend because the portrayal is just... really good. It’s honestly just really goddamned good. 

5.  April Ashes by Eupheno || Rated M, 8.3k

A hundred years ago, Yuri's ancestor burned his estate down to its very foundations. It has stood empty ever since—until he and Mila decide to investigate, against all odds, the reason behind the fire. A mysterious diary may provide the clues they need.

But some things are better left forgotten.

Want some horror/creepy things? Read this. It did not go where I was expecting, and I was delighted because of that. 

6.  actually i'm a catastrophe by slightlied || Rated T, 8.8k

Seunggil thought he knew himself best, but it turns out Phichit Chulanont might know him a little bit better.

In which Phichit helps Seunggil run for student body president, and some promises are made, and some promises are, well, prom.

I’m frankly of the opinion that there’s never enough seungchuchu in this fandom, and this fic gets their dynamic developing in a way that is absolutely delightful to read. Seung-gil’s character is very nicely portrayed in this, and his friendship with JJ and Isabella lovely and hilarious, not to mention the priceless interactions he has with Phichit that build up the fic to a promsitively satisfying ending.

7. Fated by maydei || Rated M, 42.8k (WIP)

One Fighter. One Sacrifice. One unit, one team, bound by a name written on their bodies. It’s a mark that distinguishes them from others, and to each other, for the purpose of engaging in magical combat.

The idea is a noose tied with red thread, but a name cannot be denied. It simply is, and simply will be. Against all alliances and all reason, there is no fighting a name—

—unless you don’t have one.

A Loveless AU.

All I have to say is 1) you don’t need to know what Loveless at all to enjoy this fic, because the author has smoothly integrated any questions you could have about the world into the story and the plot of the fic doesn’t rely heavily on knowledge of the plot of Loveless to understand what’s happening 2) go forth and read it if you haven’t and you enjoy soulmates and magical combat.

8.  Saltwater Melodies by LinneaKou || Rated T, 19.4k (WIP)

Mila looked back and forth at both of them, mouth flapping silently. “How?” she finally asked.

“We have no idea,” Viktor said. “Probably magic.”

“Magic is not real,” Chris sputtered.

“Sure looks real to me,” Yuri said.

~

After falling into a magical lagoon during a once-in-a-lifetime eclipse, music students Viktor, Mila, and Yuri find themselves transforming into merfolk whenever they touch water... and considering that they live on the coast, that's probably going to cause some trouble. Things get even weirder when they discover strange powers that may have bigger effects on their daily lives than they could ever imagine.

Add to the mix a thalassophobic pianist, a marine biologist (possibly cryptozoologist) who might actually be completely insane, and a treasure-hunting Canadian... one thing's for sure: their lives sure just got a whole lot more interesting.

Honestly can I just punt all of you over to the author’s page itself, because everything that they’ve written that I’ve read thus far has been solidly enjoyable and I’ve recced a few before. Their strange beasts (Hopeless Wanderer) series is wonderful and perfectly feels-y and if you haven’t read it, get off my blog until you do because it’s just. It’s that damn good. 

this fic in particular is fun to read for me because the author really got the setting down. It feels what socal actually feels like, down to the beach life and the dreadfully hipster eateries everywhere. The plot is fun, the characterization is fun, and I’m hopping with excitement for future updates!

[itbeajen]

Agape | Yuri Plisetsky

Witch!AU

Many many years ago, peace was not an imaginary concept, for the witches blended in to human society, and had no grudge against them, but this is all before the Sorcerer, the White Witch and her Hunter come into play. Before the Witch Hunts began, there was no such thing as separate races, as humans and witches were seen as equals. But all of this changes due to the greed of one lone man, the Sorcerer. In order to become a witch, or have access to cast magic, there were only few ways a non-Witch was capable of becoming one, and it was through either marriage, blood bonds and pacts; these were the only legitimate methods to obtain magic. But there was one thing in common regardless of time; selfishness and greed. Many witches and their families believed in holding a pure blood lineage, and were too selfish to share, but the humans were too greedy to leave them alone. In the end, it was a struggle for power, a struggle to determine which "race" of mankind was superior, the humans or the witches. But in the end, the answer was neither, and the tragic tale that provides this answer is one that will be told over time. The Sorcerer, a wealthy rich man, one who had no lineage or ties to magic, had managed to obtain magic. No one had understood how, he was not friendly to any of the witches, and he was still a single male. As time passed, the suspicions that the witches and his own men held for him revealed that his methods were not legitimate. This revelation was the first crack in the relationship between the witches and humans in this once peaceful town. For several days after he obtained his magic, several witches had all gone missing, with their disappearance tying together to one conclusive evidence; all of them had previously visited said male the night before they had gone missing. This created a strong implications that they were killed, their blood taken, and possibly consumed. The vile and gross behavior caused an uproar and chaos that further torn into the ever growing rift between witches and humans. As though it was his plan all along, the Sorcerer slowly spread seeds of doubt and cultivated the hatred of man towards witches, clearly grooming them into believing one truth alone: That the Witches were going to take over and wipe out the humans. And thus, the final nail in the coffin was placed, and the never ending witch hunts began. His words that were filled with malice and dripping with poison tainted and corrupted the souls of any who had an open ear and was willing to listen. He drew followers that became devoted to his very being, creating a cult and spreading his teachings to the world. His words were the verbal manifestations of a curse. His curse was a never ending curse that had lasted for several years, until one brave witch and human united under the same cause to end the curse. With much difficulty and many sacrifices, the Sorcerer was finally sealed in the Lake of Oblivion, but his devote followers did not allow that to be the end of his reign. They continued to spread word, but as time passed, his curse slowly began to fade away, but the damage caused by his words and the seeds of hatred that were already embedded in the hearts of all those who were effected still persist to this day. It was the bloom of those seeds that created the situation at hand now, many many years later. Despite the Sorcerer being sealed away, his curse was still ever present, a constant plague that infected people at random... and creating a new era of the Witch Hunts. But it is said, that if the descendants of the White Witch and her Hunter are to meet again, the curse shall be removed, but at the price of- one of- -fe.

"Mother, the story doesn't finish," you pouted. Your mother laughs, and she gently kisses your forehead, "As long as you and your Hunter find each other, peace will be brought back into this world." "But how?" you frowned. You didn't quite get it. You were perched in her lap and she gently braided your hair back and over your shoulder and she smiled, "I'm sure you know, after all, the two of you are lucky. You've already found each other, you and Vitya both." She nuzzled your nose with hers and you scrunched your face together before letting out ripples of giggles, "That tickles Mommy!" "As long as you keep this pendant and they keep yours... they'll find you, my sweet." "But mother, it can be either brother or I right..?" you murmured. You grew up knowing the implications of being a witch and she nods, her smile solemn and she gently kisses your forehead, "But don't worry my love, everything will be okay."

Everything's not okay, Mother. Where are you? Are you and Father safe...? I hope Brother is safe too. You were running as fast as you could. Your hand was enclosed in his, fingers intertwined as he weaved the two of you through the collapsing buildings and rubble on the streets. He was panting, the locket around his neck slapped against him with each step he took forward. He was so close, they were almost safe. "DESTROY ALL THE HUMANS, LET NONE OF THEM HARM A WITCH AGAIN!" Your eyes widened as you glanced back. There were too many, and you were sure that you guys weren't anywhere near town.  They're not after us? Then that means... Yuratchka has to escape. I can't let him be hurt because of me. You attempted to pull your hand back and he turns back at you, surprised, "What are you doing?!" "You have to go first!" "What?!" he practically shouted as he started running again pulling you along. He didn't understand you. What is she talking about!? "It's not safe here, [F/N]!" "Please, Yuratchka you have to go, if I go with you, you won't be safe." "Wha- What are you saying?! I can't leave without-" "No, you must leave Yuratchka," you pleaded with him, and he furiously shook his head, his eyes shining with tears, "I've already lost my family, I can't lose you either [F/N]!" You took a quick glance around the village. Various buildings were already burnt down, and Yuri had managed to drag you almost to the outskirts of town with him. But as you approached, you knew you had to let go soon. With smoke and explosions sounding around you, you made the decision to skid to a stop, unintentionally stopping you with him. You shook your head, no tears had left your eyes, but deep inside, this hurt you as much as it did him. You knew that no matter what, he had to go. He wasn't safe here, unlike you. You gave him a soft smile, "Please stay safe." "We have to go Yuri!" Otabek hissed, as he pulled on his other hand. Yuri's outstretched hand was still reaching for you, as he refused to let go of yours. But you gently loosen your grip on him as Otabek carries him away. His blood curdling scream makes you wince as you slowly bring your hand to your chest, trying to save whatever warmth lingered from his hand on yours. Your name is still heard from his lips, and you can still see the tears trailing down his cheek as he doesn't turn away from you. With all the resolve you can gather, you give him a small smile and a weak wave as you watched yet another bomb drop a distance away from you. Your smaller figure is almost swept away from the impact. Sounds of electricity being charged and ice crackling as it formed is heard near you. Your silvery gray hair is whipping in the winds and you turned towards the direction of the sound, and a burly figure is standing almost behind you and he grunts, "Huh, she's one of us." A growl is ripped from his throats and he boomed, "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOUR OWN KINDS YOU FOOL? WATCH WHERE YOU'RE AIMING!" "S-SORRY SIR, WE APOLOGIZE FOR OUR MISTAKE SIR." His gaze drops to you and he lowers down to a squat in order to meet your gaze, "Are you alright, my dear?" You nod weakly, and he asked, "What is your name and age?" "... Nikiforov, age 5" your voice cracks, and you didn't realize he couldn't hear you. His eyes widened and he asked, "[F/N] Nikiforov?" "Where is your older brother? Was he taken by the Black Coats?" "I..." B-Brother? You couldn't even remember where he was last, and you shook your head, "No, I don't... know." Your voice was cracking, and you saw him reach out with a small handkerchief as he gently wipes your tears, and he whispers, "Do not cry, child. You're safe. The Black Coats will not get you." You see him grit his teeth, "I will never forgive them for this... to experience such tragedy at such a tender age... "But you are a Nikiforov, perhaps it is naught but destiny that has lead this to happen yet again," he whispered the last part, hoping you wouldn't hear it. But your eyes widen upon the dawn of realization that he knows of it as well, and you whispered, "No. Things will be different, I won't-" "You are much too young... your brother should have carried the burden, not-" "[F/N]?!" Your head is swiveling as you attempt to find the location of your brother's voice. His long silver locks were whipping through the wind as he shouts your name over and over. Your eyes water, and the general before you gently picks you up before carrying you over to your brother. "Oh, sestrichka," he murmurs as he takes you into his arms. Whatever tears you had held back open like a river's dam. The general relays where he found you, and murmurs to take care of you better to your brother, but you hear none of that. Because you're still not accepting the reality of the situation. And although you register that you're being taken to safety, your heart is in turmoil and your thoughts are clunky and scattered. And all you can remember is the darkness of sleep and the safety of being in your brother's arms.

"You're awake," his voice was soft as he rolled over to face you. Your eyes fluttered open, artic blue matching artic blue and he gently sweeps a stray silver lock away from your face and he frowns, "I'm so sorry [F/N]. I shouldn't have left you, I went to go check on Yuri and-" "Is he okay?" "Yes, my Yuuri is okay, what about yours?" You hesitantly nod. He sees you shiver and he pulls you closer, your hands grip onto his shirt and you muttered, "What about father and mother?" The silence answers you and you softly whispered, "Please, brother." "They were the first," his voice cracked, and although he wanted to be strong for you, he couldn't. Every time it was the same, once the predecessor passed, the next was chosen. Victor had prayed it wouldn't be you, you were far too young for this monstrosity of a fate. But when the mark never appeared, he had known. Viktor engulfs you in a hug. He feels hopeless, absolutely useless. Despite his coming of age, he wasn't the one that they had all expected it to be; so it had to be you. Although your parents had properly trained both of you for the future, neither of you were completely prepared, and if anything, it had only ruined your childhood. He softly mumbled, "I didn't want you to experience this so young... you're only five." You don't respond right away, and instead you cling onto him tighter. You were desperate to feel safe, but with the world crashing on top of you, you couldn't. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." It's okay. But you can't voice your thoughts of reassurance, because deep inside, you knew it wasn't okay. That this destiny and fate that you were born into was not okay. And if everything is as true as your parents recollection, then this was not the way you wanted things to start off. But you had no choice, he had to stay alive; no matter how much you had to sacrifice.

"Stop your sniffling already, if they hear us, we'll all be captured!" "Don't be so rough on a child! He looks about only 5 or 6!" "Tch, to think that this village actually had children, the lot of these three are going to be nothing more than extra luggage." Otabek squeezed Yuri's hand a bit harder and he almost trips if it weren't for the other hand being held by yet another child. Katsuki Yuri was trembling with fear, but the determination that was hidden behind his somewhat dull eyes was more than enough to keep Otabek walking. "...make them pay..." "Hah! Who you?!" A young male scoffed at Plisetsky's words. The blond narrowed his eyes in anger, and the male glared, "You've never dealt with witches before. They're all innately evil and they're all out to get us. Just like how we hunt them, they hunt us. You think that we can live in peace and harmony when they're just going to use us for their-" "Shut up," someone grunted ahead of them. The two walking ahead of them were a lot older, not elderly, but definitely not young. The veteran cast the chatterbox an one-eyed glare and grumbled, "Trash like you who hasn't experienced the horrors of this world, if you think this was bad, you have yet to witness the rest of the country." His one good gaze drifts down towards Plisetsky and upon making eye contact and scanning over the young child's features, he chuckled, "The boy has potential. If you temper your emotions, you will be able to face even the worst of this world." "Do not cast your ideals on a small boy, Yakov." "Yes, I understand that, but if he wishes, even he can become strong, Lilia." "T-Teach me!" Yuri exclaims. His voice is not too loud, even if he's young and naive, he isn't dumb enough to display their location to the entire world. Yakov's eye widens and his gaze sweeps over the three children. And Lilia sighs, "You're all too young to become-" "Please!" I have someone I need to save. Yakov reads the determination in the young blonde's eyes and he grins, "What's your name, kid?" "Yuri. Yuri Plisetsky." I'll save you. I promise, [F/N].

16 years later "Oi, did you see the new Black Coats in town?" "Yeah, the three of them are siblings apparently, all disciples of Yakov and Lilia." "The Yakov and Lilia?" "Yah," the bartender grunted and slammed two beers down, "Da lads are all stayin' in da inn at da center of dis town." He chuckles, "I wager dem Blackies are gonna be comin' in an' outta here for da next coupla days." "The blonde is pretty cute," one of the female waitresses giggled, and the bartender rolled his eyes, "An' ya dink a liddle flower like ya can handle dem? Dey got hearts of steel. Dey like tools, dey don't feel, and-" The door swung open with a simple and swift kick from a Black Coat. Whatever long hair he had back then was cut short, but his bangs still covered his right eye. The long black trench coat that practically signified a witch hunter fluttered behind him. The singular aquamarine orb that observed the world before him held a defiant and stubborn gaze. Donned in almost all black save for the inner layer of his combat boots, which appeared to be leopard print, the male defiantly stood in front of the creaking door, making his way through the bar towards the bartender. His hands were shoved into his trench coat, his boots creating a stomping noise as he made his way to the bar. He made his way to the counter, and instead of the violence everyone was expecting, he asked, his voice low and slightly peeved, "Is there a Giacometti here?" There were whispers that immediately flew into the air and the bartender frowned, "No lad, Chris hasn't stopped by da bar at all. Ya better off checking da inn or da square. Wid da festivities gon' round, he bound to be lookin' for some fun, a pretty girl, or another lad to drink wid. But it's too early for him to stop by, now shoo, yer gon ruin ma business wid dat attitude ya bringin' in." The blonde narrowed his eyes, but begrudgingly grumbled a thanks before exiting the bar. The waitress that commented on his good looks sighed, "Never mind, I can't handle something like that. If only he was as sweet as that silver haired beauty at the inn." "Yer delusional I see," the bartender chuckled as he cleaned the counter, "Dem two silver coins in da inn are off limits I tell yer, off limits. Especially wid dat General fella around, dey off limits girlie."

"Excuse me," Otabek made his way into the inn. The landlord in charge stopped his conversation midway with a short silver haired male, and he asked, "May I ask if you guys have a Christophe Giacometti here?" The former silver haired male excuses himself, replacing a small black top hat onto his head as he exits the inn with his beige trench coat bellowing in his wake. Otabek doesn't manage to catch a good look at the male, but something about him felt familiar. But he shakes his head, he had more pressing issues on hand at the moment. "Chris, eh?" the landlord sighed, "Are you guys teaming up with him or something?" "Well, yes, we were sent here as reinforcements. It is around this time of the year that witches begin to stir from their slumber." "Always those chilly winters, huh?" the landlord shivers and sighs, "I lost my daughter in a Witch Hunt almost two decades ago." Otabek flinched, and the landlord shakes his head, "I apologize, that was quite inconsiderate of me. Now then, you were asking about Chris?" The black haired male nodded, and the landlord pulls up a map of town and points at three locations, "Chris is often seen at these three locations daily. The only one he frequently visits and at a set time is the one library. He always entertains the children with stories of his adventures." "I see, thank you, sir," Otabek bows and the landlord chuckles, "Of course, and if you need a place to stay, Witch Hunters are given a discounted price." Otabek's eyes widened slightly and he gives a curt nod before exiting the inn. I guess I'll meet up with Yura at the Square before heading over to the library with him since Yuri is already there. He barely makes several steps out when he catches the sight of long locks of silver fluttering in the wind. It looks like that man's hair earlier... His thoughts trail off, but when he catches just a faint glimpse of the side view of her face, he frowns. Something about her definitely felt familiar. Otabek wasn't quite sure, all he knew was that he definitely knew her, but before he could say, or do, anything, the typical grumbling and stomping of his long time friend signaled his arrival. "Yura." "Beka," Yuri scowled, "No one has seen Chris today. Did that damn fool purposely escape us knowing we were coming here?!" "Yura." "And they have the fucking audacity to get pissed off with me. Sorry that the door is so old and useless that it's just so f-" "Yura, watch your language," Otabek interrupted. His eyes glanced at the families walking around, thankfully they weren't too close to the Square where everyone was bustling about. Yuri sighed and muttered a quick apology, his hands still shoved into his trench coat pockets and he turned to his friend, "Any luck on your end?" "None," he shook his head, "But apparently Chris likes going to the library around this time." "Does he? Well, Katsudon will be there, so he can handle that for us. First, the inn. I'm not camping out in the god damn snow again."

"Excuse me," Yuuri calmly made himself into a small library. The librarian looked up and she sent him a small smile, "How can I help you?" "Ah, uhm, is Christophe Giacometti here by any chance?" "Christophe?" she hummed, "No, but he should be stopping by here soon. He never misses the children's story time, especially on Wednesdays, since she'll be here today." "She?" "Ah," the librarian smiled, "First time in town, eh? We don't get too many Witch Hunters around here, Chris is our only one and he's kept us safe for the past couple of months. Don't think witches quite like this area, not enough resources for them to work with or something like that." She tilts her head slightly to one side and she laughs, "Well, if you'd like to stay warm and cozy while waiting, you can get a drink at our cafe. It's located upstairs just across from where the reading will be held, so you'll be able to find Chris, and it looks over the entrance too." "Ah, thank you so much!" Yuuri nodded. He adjusted his glasses as he slowly made his way upstairs. He settles himself down with a hot cup of coffee and spends his time reading up on information regarding Witches around this area. There was sounds of chatter as a group of children followed by a head full of silver in a slate blue trench coat. Yuuri almost spills his coffee at how similar they looked like him. But it can't be Viktor. Viktor... would not have survived that, there's just no way and- "Miss Nyxvor! What kind of story will you be telling us today?!" one of the children chirped up at you. Yuuri definitely chokes on his coffee at the sound of your last name, it wasn't the same, but it was just way to similar. It can't be her... if it was, and she managed to survive then Viktor... "What would you like to hear about today?" you asked, your tone gentle and sweet. Just like how it always was. Yuuri noticed as you waited until all of them had found a spot. Your eyes never left their smaller figures, as though you were attempting to protect them from the harsh reality of the world around you. You gave them a soft smile and one eagerly asked, "Can you tell us that one legend that Mistah Chocolate-y keeps talking about?!" You stifle a laugh, and you softly chided them, "Now, now, his name is Giacometti, Christophe Giacometti." "Did you call my name?" the popular Witch Hunter asked. He wasn't wearing the typical black trench coat, but he did wear the typical full black outfit. He sat down beside the children and he picked one up to sit on his lap, "What'd you call me, sweet?" "Mistah Chocolate!" Chris chuckled and he turned to you, "So what will you be reading about today Miss Nyxvor?" "They were asking for the Legend of the White Witch, so I suppose I'll be retelling that story." "Is it a happy ending?!" "Hey, don't spoil it!" "But I wanna know now!" You stifled your laughter, and you gently reached for the old diary your mother's mother had given to her to give to you. One that has been passed down to its rightful successor until the curse was to break. You gently flip to the story and you begin, "It all began many years ago in a Nameless Town, where there were three very important people to this story. The White Witch, her best friend, and her soulmate." "Ooh, so it's a love story?" "Dude, shut up." "Hey, don't be mean to each other or Miss Nyxvor won't read!" "...Sorry." "Now, now, it's okay, I'll still read-" You were cut off though, by the two Black Coats that stood at the top of the stair case. The children all turned and they looked back at Chris and back at them. "I'll repeat, are you Christophe Giacometti?" The younger blonde asked with a scowl on his face. One of the children cowered, and immediately you corralled them so they sat behind you. Chris gently places the girl on his lap onto yours, shooting you a sad smile he nods his farewells and he greets them with a smile. "Now, now, don't be so upset. I'm off duty right now anyways and I know you guys are here," his gaze sweeps the entire second floor, "All three of you. Now then, let's not bother the young lady and let her resume her routine. I'll see you again, children." "Mista Chocolatey!" One cries, but Chris merely places a gentle kiss on their forehead before standing up and waiting for the other Witch Hunters to go down first. Yuri and Otabek don't make it all the way up the stairs, and neither of them even noticed your presence, but you had felt your heart stop momentarily when your gaze fell on the strong hues of aquamarine. Yuratchka's okay... He's alive. Your hand grasps at the pendant beneath your sweater. Thank the Gods.

[khhunniewriting]

Attracted To The Enemy (3)

[Gang AU] [ Warning: Violence + Language + Suggestive ]

As it turns out the knife didn’t go through Jay easily. It must have been the adrenaline of the moment that strengthened you.The knife managed to scrape his bone causing a thin hairline fracture that needed time to heal. 

The guilt you felt was greater than your own pain. You decided to stay by Jay’s side the entire week and make it up to him even though you had a wound of your own. After all, he wasn’t the one lying about who he was. You, on the other hand, were keeping such a huge secret from him. 

After a long week of hiding your pain, you found relief in seeing Jay getting his bandages removed. He was back to normal and able to walk without worrying about his foot. You, on the other hand, were starting to get worried. The wound was fine but every now and then you felt feverish. You were aware it could be an internal battle, your immune system was probably weakened trying to fight an infection. Along with the physical pain, you had a mental battle trying to figure out what Jay had against you, or X.

Jay and X had never met before. There was no connection at all, you were sure of it. No one had ever tried contacting you to take a hit out on Jay or AOMG.

You hissed as you replaced the old bandage on your own. You never failed to accidentally hurt yourself in the process by touching a sore spot around it. Twisting your body to catch a glimpse of the wound was a daily routine. You gasped but quickly bit down on your bottom lip to silence yourself knowing Jay was sleeping on the other side of the door.

It didn’t work because Jay was able to hear it. He quickly got out of bed and knocked on the bathroom door. “Y/N” he called out to you.

In a panicked rush, you pulled your shirt down to cover your injury before opening the door. Jay stood in front of you shirtless and full of concern for you. “Are you okay?” He looked past your damp hair and saw your hair dryer was plugged into the wall by the mirror. Your wet towel on the ground, several bottles of your hair care products were mixed with his.

“Yeah, I just took a shower and doing other things like I do every morning.” You smiled to hide the pain you were feeling after moving around so much. “Wh-why is something wrong?” You stuttered worried he had heard your pained yelps earlier.

“No, nothing’s wrong.” He pulled you in for an unexpected hug needing to feel you close to him. He was acting this way because he was worried. Now that his foot was better you would leave, go back to work, back to your apartment where he couldn’t protect you.

Now that Jay was back to normal he had many things to take care of. Kiseok kept him busy enough for you to escape. Using public transportation, you got to Yuri’s and had your stitches removed. After telling her of your fever Yuri concluded what you had thought all along. “Yeah, it’s a minor infection. It was probably caused by you speeding through the city with an open wound that day. Bacteria could easily contaminate it considering you ride through those disgusting allies.”

“I didn’t even think of covering the wound when I was coming here.”

“Of course not. You were on an adrenaline rush that was focused on keeping you alive till you got to a professional.” She went to her medicine cabinet for the medicine you needed. “You need to take these antibiotics every four hours.”

“How much?” You were concerned with the pricing knowing you had very little on you.

“$2,000 for the post-treatment, I recommend you take the antibiotics for a week or two. I’ll give you each week’s worth for $1,500.”

You sighed handing over the last of your money. “I only have $3,000.”

“A bit short huh?” She took the money and counted it to make sure she was getting the right amount.

“Yeah, just give me what you can for that amount. I’ll be back for the rest later.” After getting the medicine you walked to your apartment building wondering what your next move should be. Exposing your identity crossed your mind. You were confident Jay loved you but you didn’t know why he was against X.

You were afraid the feeling he had against X was stronger. If he were to still hate X knowing who it was… that was your greatest fear. When your hand reached the metal door handle of the building it felt cool against your hot skin.

It was a reminder to your most recent problem. You thought of how you could get money without putting yourself in danger. Entering your apartment, you made your way to your bedroom. On top of your neatly made bed was your burner phone. You had abandoned the phone before going to AOMG with Kiseok. Now a blinking red light alerted you to the messages you had missed.

There were messages from three different leaders wanting to hire you. You considered doing one to get the money for your medicine but the stakes were too high. You had heard Jay tell Kiseok to keep an eye out. He didn’t say for who or why but you knew it was X. Everyone would easily bend over backward for Jay right now that he had acquired the OTK territory. They could really gain a lot from turning you in to him.

“I can’t” you tossed the phone back on the bed.

A single beep had you turning back to it. You had gotten a new message from a new number.

Unknown Caller: Hello Mr. X, I am Leader Yang. I have a job for you.

Your eyes widened with shock and curiosity. You were getting a job offer from the last person you would ever expect. Leader Yang was a pyromaniac who loved bombs. His gang was known as Overkill because that is what they did. They went above the necessary measures to kill someone. Leader Yang also hated you, as X. for the fact that you had a higher kill count than he did. It was all a game to him. He felt your simple minimalistic way of killing was cheating.

X: I am not interested. Unknown Caller: Not even when it can save your life from Leader Park?

You couldn’t think of a response. Leader Yang obviously knew something about your current situation. You almost dropped your phone when you saw a new message from a number you knew well.

Jay: Someone like you couldn’t resist this offer so listen up. Our meeting was too short last time we met. You even left without your money.

“Money?” You gasped remembering the whole reason you had gotten hurt. You were trying to retrieve your money but in the end, you dropped it. You needed that money desperately.

You were too busy on your burner phone you didn’t even realize your regular phone was ringing non-stop. You accepted the call from Jay expecting him to ask where you had gone to. “Jay-“

“Where are you!” Jay cut you off with his loud shouts. He had gotten worried when he got a call from Loco saying you weren’t at AOMG.

“I came home to get something.”

Jay sighed with relief knowing you hadn’t gone to work. “I need you to stay there and don’t go anywhere near the bike shop or Alex.”

“What? Why?”

“Kiseok is in the area, he will pick you up so please wait there.”  He didn’t answer you, instead, he hung up without a goodbye. It made you feel like something wasn’t right. The gears in your brain began spinning thinking of the cryptic message. That’s when you realized it was all about X. The only other person with no identity, access to a top-class bike, and a mysterious background was Alex. Kiseok was probably sent to set up the area.

You quickly replied to Jay as X.

X: What do you want? Jay: To meet you one more time. X: Where Jay: I’ll be at your shop in ten minutes. Don’t worry about bringing the key. I’ll let myself in.

“No Jay, it’s not Alex.” You were glad it was after closing time. If this would have happened earlier you would have put Alex’s life in danger. Now you knew for sure you had to put an end to this. You had to let him know you were X.

X: I’ll be there.

You changed over to the conversation between you and Leader Yang. It was clear to you now that Yang had thrown away his pride and contacted you to get rid of a bigger threat…Jay. You had to pretend like you didn’t know and respond like X who is in danger.

X: What do you want? Unknown Caller: I have placed a bomb at the meeting point. Keep him waiting till ten and you will be a free man with a $500,000 bonus.

You couldn’t even think to respond. The word bomb sent you running around the apartment looking for your clothes. Usually, there were many layers involved that evened out your feminine features but there was no time. You simply put on the torn jacket over the clothes you currently were wearing. Grabbing your helmet and keys you sprinted down the many flights of stairs until you got to the garage. With the click of a button, one of the doors opened revealing your motorcycle.

When Jay arrived at Alex’s bike shop he immediately went inside the unlocked doors. He had sent Kiseok ahead of time to break in and cut the cameras. He placed the envelope of money on the counter and began to wait in silence.

A few minutes passed before he got a call from Kiseok. “Did you get her?”

Kiseok didn’t know how to begin explaining what he had seen. He knew Jay would become upset and distracted but he had to tell him right away. “I went to get Y/N but she wasn’t there.”

“What?” Jay’s chest began to rise and lower with every breath he took. He was hyperventilating, worried something might be wrong with you. “She said she was home.”

“She was I found her phone on her bed but she’s not here.” Kiseok walked around your apartment opening all the doors he passed along the way. He even looked under your bed but he just couldn’t find you.

“You went into her apartment?”

“The door was open.”

Jay became silent when the sound of a motorcycle engine could be clearly heard from behind him. He knew it was X, “Keep looking for her Kiseok. I’m counting on you. I have to go.”

“Is he there?”

“Yeah.” He hung up the call with Kiseok waiting for a text from X to come in knowing he wouldn’t talk.

After turning off the engine of your bike you kicked your leg up and got off. Checking the time, you noticed there were less than fifteen minutes for you to find the bomb. It was important no one or nothing became a casualty of your lies.

Your first concern was getting Jay out of the building away from the danger. When opening the back, you made sure to make noise so Jay didn’t think you were trying to sneak up on him. You shut the door loudly and walked out of the storage room. You raised your hands up as you walked out into the main floor of the shop where Jay was.

Jay noticed you didn’t have your usual sniper rifle on your back. “You came unarmed”

You nodded lowering your hands.

“Still not talking? Even after I know who you are.”

You shook your head side to side. “You’re wrong” your voice was muffled by the helmet making it hard to recognize. But he did know that wasn’t Alex’s voice. His was very distinct. 

His brow furrowed in confusion trying to guess who you were. “Then who are you?”

“I’ll tell you but first I want to know why you want to kill me. I have never tried to kill you or else you would be dead by now. So why? Did Yang send you?”

In a way, Jay was being sent by Yang not directly but because of the threat you two combined posed to him. “You two know each other?”

“He knows X.” You inhaled deeply feeling pressured under these conditions. “But you know me- Ahhh!” you shouted as you fell back through the storage room doors.

Jay ducked after seeing the bullets that passed him and lodged into your shoulder. He jumped behind the cash register to take cover. As he waited for the shots to stop he saw a gun holstered under the counter and took it. 

“Leader Park, you still alive?”

“Always” Jay came out from hiding and shot at Leader Yang twice. Once in the right arm and another in the right leg. 

Leader Yang fell to his knees with a groan. “Kill him!” He was angrier than ever now. He wanted to kill Jay no matter what, you were just a bonus opportunity at the moment. 

You regained consciousness when you heard the second round of gunfire. Looking over your shoulder you thought it looked worse than it felt. You were still able to use your arms as support to get up and start looking for something you could use. 

Digging through the supply room you found many useless things. All the tools were in the garage. You knew you had to go there if you wanted to make it out. 

You got out from the back door and used your bike to climb up to the roof of the building. From up top, you were able to see the people who had shot at you belonged to Leader Yang. “Dirty traitor.” 

The skylights that one seemed so useless were actually your ticket in. You kicked through the glass making it fall onto the pitch black garage floor. Following behind it you let yourself drop landing on top of a lift. 

Jay heard the noises coming from the garage and made a snap decision to follow. As he ran Leader Yang’s men shot at him but all missed. “Idiots!” he kicked at them with his one good leg. “Go after them or I’ll shoot all of you.”

Two of the men quickly went to the garage door but never made it in thanks to Jay. He shot them through the doors while you looked around the garage. “Hurry this doesn’t have any more ammo.”

It was too dark to see especially with the helmet. You pulled up on the visor to get a better view and saw a red light. The closer you got to it the clearer it became, you could see the numbers 00:06 blinking. “Run!” you ran towards Jay when you saw the number decrease to 00:05. 

Jay didn’t get to react. 

Kiseok pulled up to the shop in time to witness the explosion. The shop’s outer walls were no longer standing. “Oh my god” Hoody gasped seeing the bodies of Leader Yang and his men sprawled out on the street unconscious. They had been closest to the bomb, only separated by a wall.

“We have to find Jay.” Kiseok rushed out followed by Gray and Loco. 

When Jay’s eyes opened he saw the bright orange flames but all he could hear was a loud ringing in his ears. He sat up with some difficulty. Looking around he spotted Kiseok and the guys running towards him. 

“Jay” Loco helped him stand.

“You alright man” Gray asked.

“How can he be alright. His head is bleeding.”

“I know but I want to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion.” He held up two fingers. “Jay how many fingers am I holding up.” When he didn’t respond Gray became worried. “Kiseok we need to take him to the hospital.”

“Look there” Kiseok had spotted X’s body lying face down only a few inches away.

Jay’s hearing finally came back regaining his composure. He stopped leaning against Loco. “I’m fine.”

“What the fuck happened Jay? You never said anything about a bomb.”

“He was right.” He realized X had told him the truth. He was too focused on taking precautions he didn’t deal with the immediate threat. Leader Yang should have been the target to begin with. 

“Who?”

“X” he looked in Kiseok’s direction. “It’s not Alex. The voice was too feminine.” He got down beside the body trying to flip it face up but he was too weak at the moment.

Kiseok helped him roll the body over making the helmet crack yet again. “It’s a girl” Kiseok gasped. It was easy to see when you were lying face up. The helmet had taken so much damage it wasn’t able to hang on any longer, it finally fell to pieces letting your ponytail fall out.

Gasps of horror escaped all of them except Jay. Kiseok quickly called an ambulance while Gray began checking for a pulse.

Jay remained silent, seeing your head limply fall to the side without the support of the helmet broke him. His heartbeat slowed seeing your beautiful face covered in scratches and ash. He felt his life slipping away every second Gray stayed silent. 

“Oh! I found it. She’s still alive.”

-end-

A/N: The ending I wrote seemed rushed. So I deleted it and will be making a part 4. For now I hope you enjoy this.

[misty-reeyus]

Excavation

for @talesfemslashweek > Day 5: Tragedy

judith/rita, a moment of mourning atop the shrine of zaude, ~1.5k words.

There’s no point in crying.

That’s what Rita keeps telling herself, as she steps foot onto the top platform of the Shrine of Zaude. There’s no point in crying, even if this is where it all happened, even if this is where Yuri probably fell into the ocean. There’s no point in crying, even if his body could very well be buried somewhere in the undersea rubble beneath her feet.

There’s no point in crying, even if this might be the very spot where Yuri drew his last breath.

Not that Rita is wholly convinced that it was his last breath. She knows Yuri, so she knows a stubborn idiot like him wouldn’t be killed so easily. But Imperial ships scoured those waters for days before they were finally called off, and the search party formed by Yuri’s friends checked out all the surrounding ports for several days more. No dice.

Anxiety creeps up Rita’s throat all over again, and her hands clench into fists.

“Rita, are you okay?”

Judith’s voice comes from just behind her, and Rita sharply glances back at her companion, who stares back with lightly pursed lips. Judith brought her here with Ba’ul’s help and then insisted on accompanying Rita inside---and for what it’s worth, Rita does appreciate the help. Judith has been taking care of all the stuff unrelated to actual studying: defeating any monsters that lingered around, blasting away any large pieces of debris in their path, redoing puzzles as needed to facilitate their climb back up the ruins.

Starting from the bottom and making their way to the top, Judith’s assistance has allowed Rita plenty of opportunity to explore the whole structure, to analyze this entire humongous blastia and try and work out its many complicated codes. But Rita can’t help but notice a certain edge to Judith’s actions that seems almost...overzealous. Like she’s trying to do everything, when Rita could easily calibrate a puzzle or fireball an enemy to death by herself.

It’s been bugging her a little.

“I’m fine,” Rita manages, swallowing hard, shifting her gaze to the towering green core that remains smashed into the platform here. “I just need to get to work.”

Carefully, she sidesteps all the rubble to approach the core: the humongous, heavy stone that was apparently too dangerous and too difficult for the Knights to move. Reportedly, though, they were able to extract Alexei’s remains from where he was crushed beneath this thing---so he’s definitely dead, and good fucking riddance. It’s that spiteful satisfaction in the knowledge that the bastard is well and truly gone that gives Rita the final push she needs, starting up the formula panel and letting her fingers trail over code.

This is the control center of the whole shrine, and finally, Rita has it all to herself. She lets her magic resonate with the core, and then watches the panel blink its data back at her: put the efficiency ratio in reverse, adjust the stabilization factor, create the requisite connection. Rita hates to admit it, but the manipulations of the formula are genius. Alexei really knew what he was doing.

...Damn it, Alexei.

Rita can can feel him now. She can feel Alexei’s handiwork beneath her palms, far clearer here than anywhere else in the building. His adjustments to the code, his maneuvering of the aer flow, his disgusting ideals and goals and whatever the hell he was actually trying to accomplish by awakening this entire shrine. Rita closes her eyes to try and gather herself, but when she does, all she can see is his smug face as they fought, all she can think about is how he took Estelle and hurt her, hurt them all, ruined them all in ways that still won’t stop even now that he’s dead.

Gods, Rita wants to punch him. She wants to strangle him. She wants to utterly maul him for letting himself die to a falling rock before she and her friends could kill him themselves---!

...Oh, crap, she’s shaking.

Rita bites her lip and clenches her eyes shut even as she feels the tears already brimming. Dammit, she really thought she could handle this; she was doing just fine downstairs. But now that she’s here, directly working on the core, in the very spot where Yuri may or may not have met his end---it’s just too much. Her voice dwindles to a trembling hiccup but Rita determinedly fights back the flood, because dammit, there’s no point in crying, and dammit, Rita has already cried so damn much these past couple weeks...

“Rita, hey!” A hand clasps around her shoulder and tugs her around, breaking Rita’s concentration and sending the first flush of tears rolling down her cheeks. Through the humiliation, Rita glares daggers at Judith, who merely stares back for a moment before she starts rummaging through her bag. “I’ll get you some water---”

“Stop that!” Rita shouts, lashing out before she can even think to stop herself. “I told you already, I’m fine! I’m not some helpless little kid who needs to be doted on all the time!”

“That’s not what I...” Judith trails off, blinks once, twice, thrice, before her shoulders visibly droop. “I’m sorry. It’s not like I think you’re helpless.”

“No?” Rita scoffs, wiping furiously at her still leaking eyes. “So what is it like?”

“I...I just want to do something. Anything. Because if I don’t...” Judith glances down. “If I don’t keep my mind occupied, I start remembering what happened here. And then I go back to worrying about Yuri. And then I keep imagining the worst even though I know that doesn’t help anyone. So I...” Judith pauses, takes a deep breath before meeting Rita’s gaze again. “I just need to get my mind off of things. So I want to help in whatever way I can.”

...Oh.

“Judith, I...” Rita trails off, unsure what she could possibly say as she gazes into deep violet eyes, so forlorn and sad and lost looking that Rita sees herself reflected in them.

“I don’t want to lose him, Rita,” Judith continues, voice soft and solemn. “And I don’t want to think this, but I’m starting to believe we already hav---”

Rita launches forward before she can help herself, cutting Judith off by throwing her arms around her waist, sinking her own wet face into Judith’s chest as she finally lets herself heave with grief. Judith freezes up for several seconds before suddenly, she sinks to her knees---not from the added weight, Rita doesn’t think, but simply from sheer emotion. As if she’s been waiting for an excuse to get down on her knees.

Judith buries her face in Rita’s shoulder in turn, and reaches her arms around Rita’s back, squeezing her so tight that Rita can actually feel Judith’s body trembling against her. Judith doesn’t cry like Rita does, her eyes don’t wet with tears, but Rita realizes in an instant that it’s not because she isn’t sad. She may not show it very well, but Rita can tell now that Judith is just as torn up about Yuri’s disappearance as Rita is.

After all, he was one of them.

So they hold each other, both kneeling there on the top of Zaude, mourning against each other and relishing each other’s warmth until finally, Rita feels steady enough to pull away. She flushes sheepishly as Judith’s eyes follow her, then fiddles with her now wet bangs as she mumbles, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Judith breathes, her lips curling slightly upwards. “I think I needed that.”

Slowly, Rita returns the smile. “Yeah. Me too.”

Judith stares back at her for a while longer before she glances up at the sky, and Rita follows her gaze towards the creepy dark tentacles of goop that stretch over them.

“...Look,” Rita finally voices, as they both look down from the sky to lock eyes with each other. “However things turns out with Yuri, it doesn’t change that we have to keep going. I mean, there’s a humongous monster in the sky waiting to destroy us all! Even if we have lost him, he would want us to fight.”

“Agreed.” Judith nods. “Like I said, I’ll do anything I can to help.”

Rita bites her lip. With a flick of her finger, she reopens the formula panel.

“In that case, could you just...stay here with me?” Rita does her best to suppress the heat she can feel rushing to her cheeks. “M-maybe gimme a back rub while I do this? After everything that’s happened, I could use one.”

Judith smiles before shifting around, and Rita exhales slowly as hands settle against her nape. Already, Rita seems to melt beneath that touch, beneath the assurance and safety and warmth.

“Yeah,” Judith says, and begins kneading her knuckles firmly, wonderfully into the flesh between neck and shoulder. “I can manage that.”

[splattershotsundae]

Better Eight Than Never --- Chapter 35: Orvokki Vitrel

Warning: The following chapter details gore.

[Entry 1

This is the first entry since that blasted Harlequin incident that my experiments have bared any fruit. As such, I am starting anew. To begin, after that wretch escaped me, I figured I needed to move my plans to the surface, and placed devices which broadcast the ink transfusion signals (Quite an upgrade from the tubes, if I do say so myself) into ink battle arenas. I tried to pick ones that were near large amounts of water… which sure took some doing.

However, as I waited for results, one by one the machines seemed to fail. It is only now, several shifts later, that the surface news has told of a squidling named ‘Yuri Skwidd’ who had clear ink. I was astounded, not only had the machine worked after all, but the subject had survived! The downside is that these results seem to only be temporary, though it might only end upon being splatted. Due to the report… however, this is outshined by the news that not only can he merge with water, it sounds as though he could merge with squidlings themselves, and take control of their bodies.

The uses of this could be limitless, we won’t just have super soldiers, we could have squidlings fight each other in the war! This technology could save thousands of Octarian lives. After giving these results to the lab’s managers, I have been given permission to access the lab’s full potentials once again. Our first mission is to rebuild the machine while soldiers take squidlings from the surface. Hopefully we shall yield further results.

– Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 2

Construction in lab 32 is going agonizingly slowly. Don’t these workers know how to do their job? Which is work? I can see the sweat dripping from their brow, so how come progress has been at a minimum? The only thing keeping me from screaming at them this moment is Olwen’s hand on my shoulder. In one sense, I’m grateful. In another, I am sure the push these fools need is stern words. No matter! While they’re busy attempting to put together the frame to my dream machine, I am overseeing the more delicate parts, as they seem unable to comprehend my genius. I wrote everything down exactly how it is supposed to be done, and yet… ugh. If I made the calls, we wouldn’t be hiring the gunk I scrape off my boots to do such important work! It’s fine. Until we get in our subjects, I would undeniably still be pacing. I hope that the machine shall be recreated for the next shift.

Unlike MK I, MK II attaches to the ceiling or walls, with the subject positioned in front, with their torso in front of the core. The core will replicate pulses like a spawner, and steadily draw their ink from them and replace it with water. However… subject Harlequin still had her skin, organs, everything. Her skin was soft, but still firm. This Yuri… reports say he was water through every fiber of his being. I am uncertain what this could entail.

– Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 3

I couldn’t sleep, and returned to the lab to find the machine was almost complete, and my first subject has arrived! At long last, I can test to my heart’s content! I shall return after the results of my experiment.

Nothing has gone according to plan. Such is the nature of science, I am left thoroughly disappointed. It seems as though someone in this crew assembled my Ink Transfusion machine improperly, so it short circuited and fried a few wires. Not only that, but the core released a pulse which promptly caused the subject, subject 1, to explode into a burst of water. Through analysis it can be concluded she is deceased.

Subject was female, with green ink, type A positive.

One test in, and already I’m wasting squidlings due to incompetence. I will check over the machine myself, and from this point forward, only I or Olwen shall operate it.

– Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 4

Still unable to sleep,  I am quivering with excitement; I have in two more subjects; Subject 2, Male, Orange ink, type B positive, and Subject 3, female, blue, type AB negative.

I have checked the machine at least a dozen times while waiting for Olwen to arrive. She seems concerned for my well being, perhaps she is right. After these experiments I should try harder to rest, a visit to the bathhouse to relax and then back to bed. I asked if she would like to come with me, and of course, she said no. I can’t tell if she thinks I’m joking. Why would I joke? Aside from the fact that we’re furthering technology right in this very room, she is the most important thing in my life.

Regardless, we have now positioned Subject 2 beneath the machine. He’s straining himself against the restraints with all of his might, and seems rather adorable in doing so, though such an action is dealing severe damage to his wrists and ankles. What a fool.

We have turned the machine on, and it is functioning properly, I hear his screams, and I can’t help but smile. That means that it’s working. On more cooperative patients, I’d ask what it felt like, so I could get a better sense of how it was working. He passed out, and a minute later, all that remains is a pool of water on the table. Upon containing the puddle, it began to thrash around and squeak in fear. How adorable. We’ve begun the process with the other squidling, and the results appear positive. Now with two of these things, we must remain cautious. If one of them were to escape and enter one of our brains, the lab might be torn apart.

Subject 3 is much more calm than subject 2, we’ve put her into a larger chamber for analysis, and we shall attempt to revert subject 2 to his previous ink, of which we still have samples of.

Subject 2 has been reverted to orange ink, however he did not survive the process. Either way, this is valuable intel, as his body remained intact. Upon conducting an analysis, the tears in his flesh from pulling against the restraints are all but gone. It is possible that being in this water state has corrected any minor wounds he had. We’ve sent his body to lab 22 for an autopsy, and Subject 3 shall remain under close watch until my return.

– Orvokki vitrel]

[Entry 5

I slept too long, subject 3 died between shifts, but at least we recorded the entire thing. She’s not a puddle like I first thought, she did actually have limbs, and as time went on she began to shrink until she fell apart completely, leaving only a puddle. (For sure this time) It seems that an evaporation process caused her to simply die. I’ve sent what remains of her to undergo analysis, but I suspect that by now she’s merely returned to water.

On the brighter side, they’ve brought me not one, not two, but four new subjects today. I shall continue the naming process as per usual.

Subject 4, Female, Green, A-

Subject 5, Male, Purple, B-

Subject 6, Male, Dark blue, A-

Subject 7, Male, Pink, O+

Now that we have more subjects, I can finally begin implanting. We decided to transfuse subject 7, a process which has left him rather delicate, more so than the others so far. After some deliberation, and much frustration, we managed to secure subject 4 to a table and forced subject 7 into her mind.

I’d never seen an ink reaction like this, even in the thousands of shifts I’ve been working in ink research. Her skin simply dissolved, allowing her flesh to bubble and pop, much like hostile ink. I’ve saved the footage to the journal for reference, and we’ve collected the ink that remained for further testing. We were unable to find subject 7, and so far, subject 4’s ink seems… perfectly normal.  This perplexes me, I must learn more.

Under consulting with Olwen, we decided to turn both 5 and 6 into water. 6 is fairly sturdy in form, and we’re able to make out distinct limbs, whereas subject 5… is perfect. His form is pristine and clearly defined, and he appears to have a fierce spirit. We put the both of them into containment tanks, a true feat in the case of subject 5, who not only appeared to have seen what we did earlier and tried to jump at one of our scientists, but was able to temporarily change into humanoid form. I suspected this was possible, but to see it confirmed… He looks nothing like Harlequin, I wonder if she could even enter another’s mind, her humanoid form had skin and rigidity in a way he simply did not.  Regardless, any further subjects shall be kept in a separate room, perhaps the room where empty containment tanks are stored could be filled instead of left to collect dust. Olwen presses me to sleep, she’s right, under my mask I feel the dark circles, and my nose runs. We added some water to the containment tanks, which should, theoretically keep them alive. Perhaps we should have only transfused one for the time being… It’s too late now, all I can do is sleep and see what happens.

--Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 6

I can’t see. Never in my life have I felt so… Empty inside.

I can’t stop crying, she’s gone, she’s just gone.

This morning, we went to retrieve subject 5, and he broke out of his container and jumped at Olwen.

He killed her. There was nothing I could do.

I can’t believe that she’s gone. How am I going to keep going without her? She was the one person who meant anything to me, and I’m never going to see her again.

They took her to have an autopsy, and gave me the rest of the shift off, but…

I wish we’d done more together. There was so much we could have done once the surface was ours.

We could have even gone up now, I was tempted to ask her today, if she wanted to go up to the valley and look at the real sky. But she…

I feel like… nothing.]

[Entry 7

They brought me more subjects while I was away, but I hardly care. They can fill out most of the operations themselves…

It’s not that people around me haven’t died before, it’s just… this once, the shift-long grieve doesn’t feel long enough. How can I let go of her in this short of time? They expect me to be focused under these circumstances? How can they keep working while she’s gone? I’m listening to some audio I took of her, a long time ago, over and over and over again, but it’s not enough. How can this, and a few pictures, be all I have left of someone so full of life?

Subject 6 has been put into another subject without my authorization, what could go wrong? Well, the two fell unconscious, and nothing anyone can do will rouse them. For once it feels as though I won’t succeed. Olwen always cared more about me than my projects. She wouldn’t want me to simply give up, would she?… What if she’d been hesitant in the past, but never told me?

They came to me, and told me the results of the autopsy of my dear, sweet, Olwen. Her brains had all been torn to pieces, and then he’d done as much damage to the rest of her body as he could, they couldn’t even find one of her lungs.

It doesn’t feel fair to have to see this. To see what he’s… done to my beloved. The ooze seeping from her body...

I’m taking another shift off, sick leave.

I can’t do this.]

Bato was pulled from the journal by the sound of snapping fingers, and looked down to see Stacey trying to get his attention. “Huh, what?”

"What’s going on?" She asked. "I've been trying to get your attention for like, five minutes."

"Oh..." He'd temporarily forgotten about their current situation. "This mask, it has these... entries? Like, a scientist's journal sort of thing. And they're about these... experiments, that they've been doing on inklings, trying to recreate what happened to Yuri."

Stacey grimaced. "Of course... Well, you seem to have turned the lights on with that thing... it can probably open the door. I... Don't think I'm ready to go anywhere yet though. You doing alright? You look shaky."

Bato nodded a bit, lifting the helmet a bit and wiping his forehead, "Some of these entries… they were dealing with some… dark stuff.” He explained, groping behind him for the table and leaning against it for a second, "... Toda and the twins were lucky... I've only read through seven of these and I can already tell that it could've been so much worse..."  He frowned, thinking about this Olwen person… He felt like he was intruding on some very personal things by reading this… but if there was going to be information about where his friends were, he had to.

Stacey winced. "I’d offer to read it.. But at this point, I don't think we should risk you taking that off. If you have low clearance, the fact that you can use that might be a fluke."

"I think you're right." He agreed. "It almost didn't let me in to begin with but..." He shrugged, Hachi must've messed with his mask quite a bit in order to let him use it. He took a deep breath, "Let me know when you're ready to go." He said, as he opened Entry 8.

[Entry 8

I can’t. I can’t keep acting like this. She’d want me to keep going. But how can I? I’m still sick, so I decided to look over the ink samples this shift… as well as my own. There’s always been an irregularity in my ink I haven’t been able to identify… But I think I found something. Something that my ink has in common with the ink of subject…. 5.

The fact that I have anything in common with that hideous muck worm makes me nauseous… If he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him myself.

No, I’d kill the person who meant the most to him.

A child, a spouse, a mother, anyone.

Can’t I still do that?

There would be no way I can find them… but if we storm the surface, there’s a chance that my revenge will be carried out by my work.

I’m prepared to take a gamble, and I won’t tell anyone what I’ve done, unless it’s a success.

Not even you, my journal.

--Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 9

I can’t feel my body]

[Entry 10

I’m still alive… I banked on that connection between mine and subject 5’s ink, and I’ve emerged victorious. My body is made of water, which admittedly makes it hard to write in my journal now, but other good things are happening, it feels as though I’m finally being taken seriously. No, I know I’m being taken seriously, there’s talk of a sponsorship from Ophelia, and I may get as many test subjects as I need. They’re going to adapt the facility to my needs, to allow me to travel through the pipes. Walking around like normal causes me to lose pieces of myself on the floors. I’m also being reassigned to lab 26, maybe for the best… the old one is… highly traumatic. That’s the only way I can say it, I don’t want to go back in there, I can still see her dying face.

I don’t recognize my voice, no longer low and smooth it’s… like a gurgle. Some people can’t even understand me, and they’re terrified of me, which in a way I like, but… I feel so alone, without her here…

Beside me…

In a way, I’ve become what killed her.

Did I ever deserve someone like her?

--Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 11

Subject 6, and the subject she was implanted in, have both finally died, so it was time I took their place, and got in-depth with the minds of these squidlings. I was put into the mind of subject, apparently 11, and attempted to control them. With their singular brain, I had no idea which spots controlled what, so I simply wriggled around, and soon I felt them dying around me, so I jumped out, which was difficult, the rig is set up so it’s hard to escape… but it feels as though that may be why I’m still alive, while subject 11 is now dead. I don’t understand why this is, but it might be something to look into.

Oh no, I forgot to grab an ink sample from subject 11 before they died. Shit. I need to stay focused. I’ve ordered ink sample collections from every single test subject as soon as they enter the facility. I must find more links between these ink samples.

--Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 12

I’m glad that I’ve always kept a journal as an outside mask, because it’s occurred to me now that… should I die, my journal would simply dissolve if it was on my main mask. I’ve saved everything I have of Olwen to it now, just in case. She should never be forgotten.

Onella, my sister, has been hounding me however, Says I’m not acting the same. It’s not like her to care, I don’t understand what this is.

Regardless of her intrusions, I’m currently overseeing the remodeling of my new house inside the laboratory. It feels empty, but I need a more permanent bed than a bucket of water. They are supplying me with an entire pool.

Most of what I did today was compare samples. This irregularity… it seems to be consistent with purple inks, but none are as close to mine in this way as subject 5… Why am I the closest thing to that slime ball? That murderer? That…

If I don’t embrace this, it will eat me alive.

--Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 13

I transfused two purple squids today, and I’m beginning to let these samples be public record so they don’t have to be mixed with my personal thoughts. We did two experiments today, one in which the squid could escape its host, and one where they could not. The one who could escape was the only survivor out of all of them. So if I escape a host, even if they are dying, I can live. Quite valuable information.

We took the survivor, and put them into another mind, of a different color ink, and… different results emerged. I’ve given authorization for them to continue using this squid while I performed my own experiments. I allowed myself to be dropped into the mind of a squidling and, to my surprise, they retaliated against my efforts inside their brain, so I fought back, physically, I made them claw at their skin, and bite off their own tongue, and worst of all---] Bato swallowed and exited that entry, sweat pouring off of his brow. Dear Judd, he couldn’t imagine the horror that poor person must have felt, or what could have been worse. He didn’t have time to read every entry, he decided, just to give himself an excuse so he wouldn’t have to read something like that again, and proceeded to skim the rest.

And he was glad that he did, these entries detailed the gore, more and more graphically each time. She’d begun to have her subjects put into a special room so that way they wouldn’t be bound, but still couldn’t escape. She’d been made an elite due to the amount of damage she could cause to a person being ‘elite level skill’. She was mad that she couldn’t wear the kelp, as it sank right through her.

A few entries later, he paused. This entry was different.

[Entry 19

I have finally assembled a chart, of how the ink of the subjects effects this process.

Transfusion subjects; Purple ink is the best suitable subject for this, and as of now it’s the only subjects I want from the surface, as it contains a protein which can withstand the process. I get the honor of naming it, but I’ve yet to decide…  Regardless, other ink colors don’t have this, and as a result, they are unstable, and may have less control or fall apart entirely.

As for being a host, the color seems to be a determining factor as well; the darker the ink color, the more dense it is, and the harder it is for the infiltrator to manipulate. Purple ink seems to have an innate resistance, perhaps because of this same protein. If a host and an infiltrator have ‘rival colors’, the two will begin to dissolve, such as Pink and Green, Orange and Blue… Purple and Green also seem to count as rival colors, but the repercussions might put them on level footing. I don’t understand it.

What I need is more proof, I need the survivors of Yuri, as I have yet to be left with a surviving host.

--Orvokki Vitrel]

He skimmed some more before something else struck his interest, entries from the past few days.

[Entry 22

We found one. Today we finally found one of Yuri’s victims, I will be calling him Y-1, and I’ll be taken up there as soon as possible. However… We are unsure how to best do that… as putting my water body through a kettle would… boil me. I’m not sure how that would effect me, would I even survive? There are plans of having a guard take me up in a containment tank, but even that might be risky. We may have to bring the squid down here. That should be fine.

I’m furious. We were so close, but apparently Orion decided to leave him on the surface so he could do one of his ‘revenge’ things against one of the sea sirens. I have a revenge to fulfill as well, over here! Not to mention not only do I have Onella pestering me to let her in on everything, but Ophelia breathing down my neck and rushing my progress so it’s hard to get anything done. What can’t wait a few more shifts?

… She has a voice though, as sweet as Olwen’s…

I must get close to her, I’ll do whatever it takes to record some sounds from Ophelia She’s the closest I have to my one true love…

…

Perhaps the fact that I sit here and write so much is why she is getting testy. Doesn’t she realize how this is a vent? I’d never say any of this to her, of course, I want to keep my tentacles.

– Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 23

They’re all dying. I’ve been in so many today, I’ve killed a dozen squidlings, a fact which I’ll go into more detail in a moment, but… I’m still no closer, and Orion is ignoring my orders to pick up the fucking squidlings I need. It’s not fair, You’re supposed to respect me you big-headed lump of slime. I need to go to another one, I need to rip them apart! I’m so mad!!

To make everything worse, just because Onella’s in on this project now, she thinks she gets to call the shots! I hate her! I hate everything!

--Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 24

Orion’s told me that some defect made her way back to the domes, she’s been in contact with Yuri’s hosts. She was able to bring down an ink sample from one of them, thanks to being around his tank.

I’ve examined it.

He’s… He has the same irregularity as mine. As subject 5. As my sister.

I need him. I need him now. There are so many questions that need to be answered.

--Orvokki Vitrel]

[Entry 25

The ‘splatfest’ happened, and not only did we get more purple test subjects than I could ever use, but…  finally, we know right were Yuri’s hosts are. They’re here. In this very building, and I’ve just finished dealing with Y-1, and as of now, he’s the first subject I’ve ever left alive. My approach was all wrong. I was… flailing, and wriggling, I never considered fight fire with fire. Attack him with thoughts, my thoughts, his own thoughts. Act like… not like I’m a pilot, but that I was him. It was my body. It felt so… powerful, and soon I shall test with another survivor what I’ve learned… though… these three hosts, know each other, and I have plans for implanting one into another. Perhaps the connection between them will herald different results. I may not have too much more time for experimentation, hearing news that someone I controlled remained alive, we’ve been given a go ahead from Ophelia, and she’ll be sending a very special squidling my way shortly.

In addition… there was a ping on the squid who matched my ink, but he’s… gone. Someone stole him from right under my nose. I was so close, and I need him back! This is personal now, I’ve sent people looking for this thief, and I will stop at nothing to find my specimen. Someone is actively trying to thwart me, I feel…

I’ll find you, squidling.

--Orvokki Vitrel]

Bato found himself gripping the table, shudders running down his back. She… She needed him…. She needed him. There was something weird about his ink? Weird how? He felt light headed, and frightened, and he made himself take a deep breath. Toda was alive… and when this had been written, Jill and Simon had been alive as well… but who could say how well they were doing… What sort of irregularities did his ink have?

Focus. He began to run his hands over his tentacles. If he wasn’t here, where was she? Probably lab… which one? 26? If he had more clearance with her mask, could he see where that was? He pulled up the map, which flickered and then cleared up. He frowned as he looked the map over, noting that the lab was quite a ways away, but he was able to bookmark it so his mask could give him better directions. Turned out it was a GPS as well.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a gurgle of water, and he stiffened, looking over at the pool, and seeing that it was beginning to fill with more water. A thick clump came out of the pipe in a rather un-water-like fashion, and he swallowed. Oh no, it was her. He glanced down at Stacey, realizing for the first time that she’d fallen asleep. She must be exhausted, but… he had to wake her. “Stacey!” He hissed as he knelt down.

She groaned and opened her eyes, squinting.

“Squid!” Bato hissed. “I can carry you in my helmet.” He said, flipping it over like a bucket. As she transformed, he helped her into the helmet, not taking his eyes off the pool as a rippling woman made of water arose. He quickly stood as she approached, free hand hovering near his ink tank. "So, you're Orvokki, I assume?" He asked, carefully edging toward the door.

"What are you doing here, give me back my journal!" She shouted as she began to rush toward him.

"I'm afraid I need it right now," He said, turning toward the door to unlock it, and then laying a mine down in the doorway as he backed through it. As she drew near the bomb went off, sending splatters of purple ink through her body, and caused her to start steaming.

"SECURITY! LOCKDOWN FACILITY!" She screamed as she stumbled backward, falling over and writhing on the ground in pain. As the door slid shut, the alarms began to blare again, and this time, he was sure it was for him.

“Hold on tight! He grunted, clutching the helmet to his chest as he began to sprint down the halls, following the mask’s instructions through the corridors. He heard Stacey squeak as he made a particularly sharp turn, but as long as she stayed in the helmet, he told himself he wouldn’t stop running.

He heard a gunshot, followed by a ping off his armor, and he grimaced and turned a corner before he was prompted in an attempt to break away from his pursuers. He could hear them shouting and running behind him, but all he could think of was getting this mission completed. “Stacey.” He said, using what breath he could spare. “ They're going to experiment with the others, They’re probably in lab 26. If nothing else, you need to make it.”

She squeaked, and then one of her tentacles weakly swatted his arm. “It’s a worst case scenario, you know th-- AAAHHH!” Bato screamed as a bullet flew through his ear, but he didn’t have time to stop now, and pushed himself to run even faster. He wasn’t even sure if it was possible, but he had to. He dropped another ink mine behind him to deter pursuit, but knew there was only so much he could do, lab 26 was in a corner of the facility, the guards would close in, and he’d have no way to leave soon enough.

He heard another ping off his armor, and he felt once again grateful that Hachi had told him to put this breastplate on the right way around. He turned a corner into one final hall, seeing his goal dead ahead of him. Behind him, he heard a massive explosion which made his ears rang, and probably gave him some sort of degree of hearing loss from it’s intensity.  He stumbled and staggered, having a hard time staying focused, but he had to make it. This door was his only hope. In a daze, he slumped against it, beating his fist against the metal door. “Open! Open! Open!” He shouted as his legs trembled. The second it took for the door to recognize Orvokki’s mask felt like an eternity, but finally it opened, and he stumbled through the door, and made it shut behind him, thinking a very loud ‘YES’ when it asked if he wanted to refuse access to other octolings. As soon as the door closed, there was an explosion on the other side, which dented it and let a small bit of octoling ink ooze through, but other than that, the door remained seemingly solid. Slumping against the wall, he took a moment to feel his left ear, which now had a notch in it, and hurt like all hell. That had been too close…

He did a sweeping look around the room, seeing rows of counters and machinery, and empty space filled with all sorts of threatening looking tools, and he vaguely remembered a few from when he was skimming the journal, a fact which caused him to shudder. On one wall, there was a valve, which had a small basin under it, and then on the far end of the room was a glass wall which allowed him to see into a test chamber that had an inkling resting on a metal bed, with all sorts of equipment pointed at their head. They sort of looked familiar, but his attention was drawn to an octoling scientist, who was looking at him with an expression of horror. He set the helmet down on one of the counters and grimaced, drawing his inkbrush. “We don’t have to fight, let me into that chamber.”

The scientist swallowed, then grabbed a knife off a table and rushed at Bato, thrusting it in a fairly novice fashion.

Bato flicked his brush, causing the scientist to stumble into a pool of ink, and then swiped at their hands to knock the knife away, causing them to yelp and fall over backward as they tried to escape. He huffed and reached up pick up Stacey, only for everything to go black as Orvokki’s journal was cut from the system. He swore under his breath and hurriedly pulled it off, which was just enough time for the scientist to get up and grab the knife again. He dropped the mask and sidestepped to dodge the scientist’s next swing, then spun his brush around and swiped it at the backs of their knees, sending them sprawling onto their back once again. “You done yet?”

The scientist nodded, covering their face with their tentacles.

Bato nodded, and looked back into the chamber, grimacing as the test subject began to look more and more like Simon. Crud. "Get up," He said sternly, prodding the scientist none too gently with the back end of his brush. “And unhook them from the machines, get them out of there!”

The scientist scrambled to their feet and darted over to a control panel, quickly pressing buttons. “It’s waking….” They murmured.

Bato grimaced, casting a brief glance at the door as someone on the other side began to pound at it. He scooped up Stacey and then followed the Scientist over to the panel, lightly poking them with the brush. “Don’t call my friend an it.”

The scientist yelped. "Heheh, Yes! Of course!… Don’t call the brutish squids its, why would I ever do that?” They asked, tone betraying how frightened they were. They twisted a knob, and a door in the wall opened with a hiss as the pressure equalized.

Bato hesitated just a moment, then ran forward, setting Stacey down so he could shake Simon’s shoulder.  “Simon, Simon wake up! Are you alright?”

There was a moment of stillness, then their eyes slowly opened. They took a small shaky breath and whispered to seemingly nobody in particular. "It wasn't just a dream..."

Bato and Toda are Knitter’s characters

Simon, Jill, Hachi, Orvokki and Stacey are Shuckle’s characters.

Splatoon belongs to Nintendo.

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