#and then reread it and cried more then then when I wrote it because wtf self

[ottpopfic]

When you finally kill off people in an everybody lives AU and only realize after the fact that they died the same way they did originally in cannon

[kadextra]

I’ve read quite a lot of orv over the past few weeks when I could, adding onto this long post as I went on so….. here we go!!

(warning major super ultra mega spoilers)

previously

-

Starting with the fight between dokja & joonghyuk during “a story that can’t be shared” episode.

At first after reading that battle I was really confused of what yjh’s intentions were, I’m gonna be honest. 😭 did he really want to kill dokja or not, or was it a plan he and sooyoung cooked up? that’s what it sounded like when they talked about it so??? why did he start smacking the fourth wall?? I had to read this part multiple times, and even look up interpretations on the internet that night to understand it. but I finally did! :3

dokja was just an incredibly unreliable narrator there, that’s why it was challenging to figure out yjh’s true motivations. dokja normally is unreliable so that’s normal, he thinks he understands people better than he actually does. and his mind was also in an even worse state after consuming that Eden good and evil fruit & practically losing it when he thought sooyoung died

joonghyuk never wanted to actually kill him- he had read the record of 1863rd turn, and the fight was all because he wanted to know the truth if dokja had given up on them & the 3rd round. if dokja did, then joonghyuk was prepared to give it up too (meaning: die. kdj didn’t even realize that was happening)

thankfully joonghyuk got the answer to the question he wanted, he didn’t die, he will live and reaffirmed himself as a “former regressor”. ough <3 he knocked dokja out and was attacking the fourth wall in hopes he could break through it and learn more of dokja’s thoughts.

very cool and emotional fight overall!!!!! reread it like 8 times I enjoyed figuring it out

-

And then I cried.

That whole goodbye conversation between dokja and sangah was beautiful…. so wistful about what things could have like been for all of them in another world…. and how even if things don’t go the way you expect, you have to live. at the end of the day everything is all about love… T_T I love her

then it came in with the double whammy of tears with THIS

HE WAS CRYING!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭 AND IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY 😭😭😭😭😭

-

The kaizenix scenario starting had me giggling and incredibly entertained because PRINCE RICARDO is here!!!! literally sat there laughing in total disbelief at the sudden reincarnation fantasy story that came out of left field 😭 help my orv changed genres

laughter abruptly stops

wtf

the party members have already spent several years in this place before dokja got here and they all lost their egos after being weathered away by the march of time, hopelessly waiting for him? 🙂 heewon and hyunsung forgot each other??? that scene absolutely tore my heart out. pls do not separate them. SOOYOUNG WAS THERE FOR 50 YEARS! CRAZY! she wrote a novel too. ended it the same as twsa🥲

“It’d been better if I sacrificed myself instead” kim dokja you better shut up

but at least everything turned out well in the end for this arc so I am happy :,)

-

And the good and evil war started!! I watched the resident problem son go home and visit his parents- the literal gods of the underworld! (I love that this whole thing between these three has happened)

ofc dokja had his parents gossip about his love life there too

💀💀AKDJFKFLGLRNWKFKGKAJEDM I CANR BREATHE

but the reveal that it was Hades who discovered dokja from the very beginning and watched him together with Persephone. they really loved and wanted to adopt him all along didn’t they, best mom and dad for our prince 🥹 and even though dokja has hated the constellations, he cares about them and doesn’t want those two to disappear aughfhghghgh.

-

HEEWON UNLOCKING HER CHAOS JUDGE FORM AND MURDERING TONS OF DEMON KINGS AFTER LEE HYUNGSUNG’S SACRIFICE. “Sympathy? Utterly disgusting.” SHAKING. EDGE OF MY SEAT. I love you jung heewon 💖 she is so cool and my eyes are leaking 😭

after that whole mess finally the entire Kim Dokja’s Company has assembled together again including an unconscious lee hyunsung but at least he’s not dead like I fully believed for a hot minute <3

naturally though they can’t have good things and the apocalypse dragon revived anyways against their best efforts, because the seekers of the end are all a bunch of insane people. that thing is powerful enough to kill constellations with a flick of its tail 💀

mom and dad came to help <3 but I got really anxious reading because everybody by this point was exhausted or hurt too badly or to block the third wave.

I had no clue how they’d resolve this chaotic situation it was not looking good

it was looking so bad in fact,

KIM DOKJA. PULLING THIS AGAIN

WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU LIKE THIS SIR

it’s always in situations where I know he has to do it or literally everybody horribly dies but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it!!!!!! (that’s a lie I was super hyped) still. grabs him with my fists.

Going to ramble a bit here, but the way orv introduces new concepts is so natural and interesting. from the walls, to how stories can talk to you, now to the existence of “chaos” as the void/between of good & evil. it’s the first time I have been hearing this term explained in the story, yet it feels like it’s always been a fact, because it connects so well to what I already know. like of course the outer gods are beings originated from chaos, what else would they be? chaos in mythology was the origin state it makes total sense

being the demon king of salvation means to save people no matter what…… screams cries throws up

“That man is the world I wish to save” BLEW ME AWAY. such a hard line oh my goodness. I love you jung heewon 💖

and all the monologues from dokja in the void space between the indescribable distance and apocalypse dragon, slowly withering away but holding onto life because he wants to live 😭 he sacrificed himself, but it’s different this time because he asked to be saved. he took that action while putting full faith in his companions to do their best to save him. he wants to live. “will to live” even became a stigma 🥲 I can’t do this

-

Son Wukong my guy finally descended into the scenario and its as epic as I always hoped, hayoung was so smart for that. the monkey king himself helped fight off the fog clones and made a way for the trio go save dokja, so awesome. heewon boosting the other two forward, and sooyoung finally boosting joonghyuk.

joonghyuk following the fragments of dokja’s broken star in the pitch black darkness was an incredibly beautiful imagery for a scene, I saw it vividly it makes me want to draw it so bad. and the stuff yjh was desperately thinking during that got me teary eyed, of course. all I do while reading this story is get emotional damaged

but before yoo joonghyuk could reach dokja, someone else reached him first.

honestly felt my heart freeze over while reading that part.

but LETS GOOOOOOOOO FINALLY secretive plotter reveal!! I’ve been waiting for this for so long!!! It’s not future dokja, it’s future joonghyuk!!! :D I’d kinda suspected it to be him ever since the 1863rd round happened tbh so this feels great

I really enjoyed their fight, secretive plotter is insanely strong even with a time limit and was toying with joonghyuk, but joonghyuk never gave up and pulled out all his power to try and save dokja. in the end he was defeated but that was an amazing fight to see

sadly the group is without their beloved dokja again, not because he died this time but because he’s kidnapped 😔 man if it’s not one thing it’s something else, I feel so bad for them

-

and that is currently where I am! the most recent stuff I had read last night, just in time for me to see the webtoon adapt dkos death this morning. haha happy dkos death day 🎉🫡💥🎊🥲

I’m pondering a lot on the reveals in these chapters, some things still don’t feel fully answered to me so I’ll have more to say soon when I continue reading. VERY excited can’t wait to know more :D

[lucysarah-c]

*deep breath*

Hello.

I dont think there are words in the English vocabulary to explain how much I love holy ground so I wont even try.

But but, I just wanted you to know that I started this series yesterday and I finished it today. I LITERALLY HAVE EXAMS GOING AND I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO GIVE A FUCK BECAUSE WOWOWIWEOSJSGHD YOU WRITE SO GOOD I AM CRYING LAUGHING I LOVE YOU SMSM PLS DONT EVER STOP WRITING PLS WRITE MORE AND MORE BECAUSE YOU ARE AMAXING EXTRAORDINARY SUPER COOL AND HOLY SHIT SO POETIC SO BEAUTIFUL THIS IS THE BEST LONGFIC I'VE EVER READ THANK YOU SM FOR WRITING THIS.

okay, I'm sorry, I'm normal now.

But literally I love you so much. Not only can you write so well but you can also draw?? Wtf?? Can you step on me please? So maybe I could have some shred of your talent?

Literally love your sense of humor. Can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. The banters between levi/mike and levi/reader was hilarious. I also cried a hell lot because i relate a lot to how you wrote reader and I think so reading the story kind of healed me because Levi is the type of person I need in my life.

I'm sorry I rant a lot.

Byt thank you.

And I love you.

<3

Ok… I… I simply have no words to thank you enough for this, for your sweet words, your enthusiasm, your support, everything! I wanted to take my time to reply to you properly, but since I read your message in my inbox, it made my day, my night, my week, haha. I was almost in tears-

100% no fake picture of me reading your message:

Don't ever apologize for ranting! This was amazing! Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart <3

Hahaha, honestly, nobody has asked me to step on them before; it was hilarious. I bet you're extremely talented on your own, and there must be a bunch of people who admire you <3 You truly don't need me to be talented <3 But thank you! I always say that writing and drawing are both a blessing and a curse. When I'm writing, I think I should be drawing, and when I'm drawing, I think I should be writing. Haha, the stress never stops.

Ahaha, I'm so glad you find my sense of humor funny. Sometimes I have a blast while writing certain chapters, particularly the "guys" hangouts (Erwin, Hange, Mike, and Levi). I think, "Does anything that I write ever make someone laugh?" Sometimes, I reread old chapters, laugh, and then say, "I'm hilarious." So thank you! Thank you for making me feel I'm not laughing alone, lol.

BTW, a little spoiler for you! In the next chapter, the boys' hangout is back. Mike, Hange, Levi, and Erwin will have a blast, so I hope you have a good fun time reading about them again <3

About the reader, I'm happy and also sad you relate to her. Happy that I was able to write an MC that made you feel seen and understood, but also sad because I wish no girl in this world should feel the way she feels. So I'm sending you the TIGHTEST hug in the world, smooches with a lot of love, and, obviously, my best successful wishes for your ongoing exams! I'm not wishing you luck because I'm so sure you've got this; you're already succeeding <3

Don't thank me; thank you for reading, coming here, leaving this beautiful message, and supporting me and my art <3

I love you too from the moon and back!

Stay safe!

[twinsarekeepers]

The more I reread the PJO series, the more clear it is to me that Annabeth isn’t white.

(I know y’all are going to be in my mentions like “oh but she has blonde hair and grey eyes she can’t be black or brown” and I KNOW! I know RR saw her as a white girl when he was writing the books. I am aware of that fact. It just so happens that I can see a ton of my own experiences (specifically related to being a brown woman) in the way she’s perceived by other characters.)

So, like, in the first book, she was so mad at Percy because he got a quest even though he knew particularly nothing about the demigod world (and everything he did know was stuff she taught him) and she had been working basically her whole life to get one. I mean, seriously, she was more equipped to lead a quest because she’d literally lived on streets before. (And I know they banned quests after Luke’s and it was a special circumstance so they had to give one to Percy but it’s so clear that he has no idea what’s going on and that he agrees to bring Annabeth along because he knows he’ll need her intelligence and expertise to complete the quest).

And, like, she is literally the most educated, knowledgeable person on the Argo II, ffs she’s LITERALLY the daughter of Athena, but her intelligence is constantly questioned. (And I know it’s because RR was like “oh it’s because she’s blonde” 🙄 Istg, I’m going to strangle that man in his sleep). But, who is the most educated demographic in the US and are still constantly overlooked and their intelligence insulted? Black women. I just—RICHARD, IT WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU IM GOING TO SCREAM!

The other characters see her as this strong, tough warrior, but she literally cries in every book. That’s not to say she’s not strong or tough or a warrior, but she is also soft and gentle and that’s extremely overlooked by not just the characters, but the fandom as well. The way she holds Percy’s hand in times when he’s stressed out and assures him when he’s feeling like he can’t do something. The way she comforts characters who are in emotional pain like Juniper and Silena. When Piper first got to camp and Annabeth showed her around and tried to make her feel at home. Even when Drew was being mean to Piper, Annabeth didn’t take sides and instead mitigated the tension. She cheered Hazel up after her fight with Jason. Frank came to her for advice and she was very considerate of his feelings and comfort. She was intuitive enough to figure out why Leo acted the way he did and than she defended his actions to Frank. These are all things that she does that are vulnerable and show her heart but most of the characters still view her as scary and intimidating.

And they see Annabeth as strong enough to just handle emotional turmoil all by herself. Like, y’all remember when Percy was kind of surprised that Annabeth needed a hug in BOTL? (Why? He’s seen her cry before. He’s seen her need comfort before. What makes him think it would be a one time thing?). Or when he didn’t tell her that he was worried about her? (He really said “stay here and protect Nico and Rachel”. And then in his head he was like, “I didn’t tell Annabeth but I was worried about her too.” MY GUY?? WHY WOULDN’T YOU TELL HER??) Or how about when she was literally sobbing on the ground after seeing Luke turn into Kronos and Percy, Rachel, and Nico were just … standing around, talking. Percy literally tried to pick a fight with her in that moment. Like, wtf was that?? (I mean, he tried to be a little bit more gentle with her when he was telling her to get up and leave but at that point, the damage is done, dude, you’ve already kicked her while she was down).

This connects to how she’s stripped of her femininity. The fact that she’s canonically good at weaving (a traditionally feminine task) and it seems to be forgotten by all the characters and even the fandom. The fact that she enjoys wearing dresses and makeup and jewelry but Percy finds those things awkward on her (I made a post about that here if y’all want to read it. The Richard stannies found it though so beware the notes). There are so many instances in the books where she so obviously fits into a traditionally feminine role but they’re glossed over or ignored. As a South Asian woman, I know how this feels.

Okay and then on Circe’s Island, when Circe said something like “oh and that HAIR!” and Annabeth was like “what’s wrong with my hair?” …. That’s a micro aggression if I’ve ever seen one. I just know if Annabeth was a white girl with type 3, loose ass curls, Circe would not have said that shit.

And all of the reasons we think Percy is not white ALSO APPPLY TO ANNABETH. Like, she went to through all the same stuff that Percy went through in the mortal world. She literally said as much in the beginning of TLT.

Annabeth is just so clearly not white to me. And the fact that RR didn’t see how so many of her experiences lined up with a black or brown woman’s will actually be my villain origin story. He really wrote “she’s oppressed because she’s blonde” with his whole chest. Great job in proving how much of a rich, white man you are, Richard.

[freelancearsonist]

February Fic Recs!

Hi everyone! I’ve realized that part of the problem with interaction within the fic community is that not as many larger creators are doing their part to reblog and recommend fics like they used to when I first joined Tumblr. And while I wouldn’t really consider myself a “large” blog, I still want to do my part to help boost my fellow creators :) So here’s a list of what I read this month!

02.01 // “a letter addressed to the manager of the letter room” by @propertyofabelmorales (Richard Alsonso-Munoz) // I’ve read this at least three times omg because it’s currently the only Richard content we have and it’s wonderfully written and the letter format is unique but really interesting and so fitting given the character so yeah 10/10 please keep ‘em coming Vic 😂

02.02 // “Walls that Come Down” by @houseofthirst (Nathan Bateman) // this made me horny and made me cry at the same time and I think it’s really unfair that you have the power to do that to me tbh 😂 This is so wonderfully written and such a beautiful take on Nathan’s character and ugh lemme go cry in my corner

02.03 // “Meet Me on Endor” by @autumnleaves1991-blog (Poe Dameron) // “You are so beautiful, all the time” made me tear up a little bit because it’s so distinctly Poe and I also horny cried because god I’d give anything for this man

02.04 // “In the Night” by @jawabear (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // this was emotional and beautiful and sexy all at once and it made me cry a lil bit in bed at 2am and honestly I thank you for it

02.05 // “Something About You And I” by @sacklerscumrag (Poe Dameron) // This was beautifully written and also so so so sexy and I realized I might have a bit of unresolved bondage kink while reading this so thanks for that 😂

02.06 // “The Night That Follows” by @roanniom (Poe Dameron) // I found this kind of by accident and then it turned out to be one of the most beautiful fics I’ve ever read in my life??? I’m seriously like trembling how can someone pack so much talent into one sexy fic I’m—

02.07 // “The Punishment” by @mandorush (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // This is so fucking sexy what the fuck and then I found out it’s a whole series??? Yeah so needless to say my 2am binge was entirely worth it omg 🤤

02.08 // “Dessert is on the Counter” by @nathan-bateman (Abel Morales) // I read this before you posted to make the moodboard but I’ve legit reread like seven times since then omg. A quality fic in every way. 10/10

02.09 // “Affection” by @wasicskosgirl (Llewyn Davis) // This is one of my all-time favorite fics for my favorite man 😭 everything about this is so cute and I would literally die to snuggle with this sweet boy 😭

02.10 // “Tell Me” by @rebellou (Poe Dameron) // I don’t even know what to say omfg this is one of the hottest things I’ve ever read in my life and I’d like this fic chiseled onto my gravestone so I have something nice to take with me into the afterlife

02.11 // “Romantic Dreams” by @witchyavenger (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // Yeah I want this holy hell this was so spectacularly written and so sexy and 😩 god I can’t even have kids but I wish he would breed me omg

02.12 // “Pressing Camera Questions” by @youvebeenlivingfictional (Nathan Bateman) // Omg this is so wonderfully constructed, even as something of an introductory piece to this series. I’m so excited to see what comes!

02.13 // “Free Fall” by @michaelperry (Mikael Boghosian) // There’s so little fic for Mikael on this site and so finding this kinda felt like striking gold 😂 especially because it’s so wonderfully writing and so sexy and 🤤

02.14 // #valentines fic tag by @propertyofabelmorales (Literally every Oscar Isaac character) // I got to read so many amazing fics today because of the Valentine’s fic exchange but shit dude you went above and beyond!! I wanted to only plug each author once on this fic rec calendar but there’s no way I couldn’t give you a shout out for this. Even in addition to your piece for the fic exchange you wrote so much incredible fic for literally every character I can think of (including Marcus!!!!!!!!! As I’m writing this you haven’t even posted his yet but I saw his name on the list and I’ve been having heart palpitations ever since) so yeah explore this tag because there’s fic for literally everyone and it’s all so wonderfully written and *chef’s kiss*

02.15 // “ghosts” by @unstoppableforcce (Javier Peña) // This one gave me CHILLS omfg this is just the first part and I was rolling on the ground. Everything about this is so beautifully constructed and haunting and UGH this is amazing 😭

02.16 // “Pretty” by @waatermelon-sugaar (Blue Jones) // Holy shit this unlocked like seven kinks that I didn’t even know I had 🤤 this was so wonderfully written and so sexy and realistic? Idk if that’s a good descriptor but like I could feel everything you were describing sdkfdkfjdkfj I LOVED THIS

02.17 // “home.” By @pascal-isaac (Llewyn Davis) // Look I wish I was kidding when I say that I’ve read this fic upwards of seven times sdkjskdjskd this is one of my all-time favorite fics and it only gets hotter with age 😩 this fic is like a fine wine and I would like to have it inscribed on my tombstone when I inevitably escape from this plane of existence

02.18 // “Turning to the Dark...” by @mylifeisactuallyamess (First Order!Poe Dameron) // If I’m being honest I’m not usually a fan of darker fics but this one worked for me. It was so sexy and honestly kind of beautiful in the way you describe the interrogation and later Poe’s willful turning. I really enjoyed this and will probably read again 🥺

02.19 // “My Best Decision” by @knivesareout​ (Javier Peña) // Fuck guys I’ve had baby fever like a motherfucker this month and this made it so much worse 😂 Dad!Javi is so fucking cute omg and this fic was SO SEXY and it really hit all of my bases 😩

02.20 // “my sweet baby” by @writingletterstothefire (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // Look I’ve read this fic 293394 times and it’s good EVERY TIME. Dirty Dancing is the good kush and this fic made my obsession with that movie like 1000 times worse omfg. I read this every time I’m in a bad mood and it just puts a smile on my face so fast omg I would literally beg for a longer version

02.21 // “Sounds of Silence” by @veuliee2 (Orestes) // This fic? This fic right here? Lives rent free in my mind. To the truest capacity of the statement. I wish I was kidding when I say that not a single day goes by where I don’t think about this. I don’t even really know what to call this? Maybe Something along the lines of associates to lovers? Whatever this qualifies as it’s literally one of my absolute favorite fics of all time and I will never forget the way you shattered and mended my heart with one story

02.22 // “Mr. & Mrs. Cooper” by @aellynera (Bud Cooper) // THIS IS BRILLIANT THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH ok first of all that this is like one of two fics for this character 😂 but also this is the most beautifully, ironically constructed fic ever? Everything about this is entirely grasping and there’s THREE PARTS that are all just as good as the rest and 😩 I literally couldn’t ask for a more perfect fic

02.23 // “Catch” by @ollypopp (Poe Dameron) // This is a short drabble but I had to include it because DAMN this is so sexy and wonderful for such a short piece and I’ll be thinking about this for the next month so thank you 😂

02.24 // “Blooming most recklessly” by @writefightandflightclub (Evgeni Kolpakov) // This is so beautifully written while simultaneously being so sexy???? How do you do it Luna I am forever in awe of your talent 😭 I can just visualize everything he says and does so clearly and I’m so in love with this piece 😭💛

02.25 // “falling for you” by @luminouspoes (Poe Dameron) // This is the cutest thing ever wtf 😭😭 The pining is so strong even though it’s short and it’s just all around so wonderfully written and I must go cry in my corner now

02.26 // “Liability” by @honeymandos (Nathan Bateman) // THIS WAS GORGEOUS WTF I’m crying over some soft Nathan in this house tonight 😭 I was legit so worried for a while that he’d send reader away but then he CAVED and my heart sang hallelujah—

02.27 // “electric spark” by @woakiees (Duke Leto Atreides) // Hi I need everyone to read this please so it can destroy your body and live in your mind and occupy all of your waking thoughts like it does for me k thanks

02.28 // “The Child” by @starryeyedstories (Poe Dameron) // This was the sweetest thing ever what the heck 😭😭😭 I am eternally sobbing over this lil found family-ish vibe and dad!Poe is literally everything I’ve ever wanted and UGH I have to go cry for the next month

[sevensided]

how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

[goblinconceivable]

oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing.  (I can’t be the only one who does that...)  Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again.  And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there.  Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it.  Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first.  I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show.  Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.)  Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy.  Like, WTF was that about?  I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching.  First couple seasons: brilliant.  Downhill from there.  But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together.  One hot second and bam.***  Every.  Time.  Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least.  But these two, nope.  And know what?  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH.  I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one.  And Izzie got the short stick.  Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen.  There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.  

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.)  Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to.  She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle.  It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off.  In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character.  When did KH ask to be let out?  If it was after this point, Shonda svcks.  I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth.  Because he’s not really in a real relationship.  I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful.  Which is most of the time, so they gave me that.  I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.”  Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts.  Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie.  I love that he loves her the whole time.  But he’s willing to step back.  He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean.  But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows.  Izzie doesn’t make him.  She entices him.  Yeah, often directs him, especially at first.  But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily.  And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards.  He reaches out to her a lot.  And she turns him aside a lot.  And he keeps loving.  Even if romance is off the table.  He runs after her a lot.  Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot.  Is understanding a lot.  He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook.  Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct.  I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water.  (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker.  Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me.  Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny.  They’re all standing around.  No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her.  In a really caring way.  And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh?  (Mebbe?)  And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly.  And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can���t NOT love Izzie.  I don’t think he even wants to stop.  Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine.  But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged.  But also born.  Stars uncrossed.  I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was.  Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because...  it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be.  She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside.  She knows.  She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually.  Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her.  Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him.  And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.  

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her.  I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it.  She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him.  The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync.  And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s.  And those two things weave into each other.  Kinda like rats and the food button.  When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.”  So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again.  And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter.  And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care.  She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in.  But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair.  There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her.  She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues.  But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny.  Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her.   The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope.  Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA.  Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives.  And I do think female character’s side guys have a  habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life. 

 At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman:  yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying.  Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love.  BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted.  1) That he desperately wants a family.  2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy.  Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first.  And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change.  But we didn’t.  So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that.  Something taken slowly!  We got to explore it.  Did feel a bit drawn out tbh.  But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess.  Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others.  This was their development for the season.  Which was mostly Alex.  But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well.  Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment?  Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more.  Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands.  And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that.  It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.”  She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient.  She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly.  And she’s still in charge.  She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.  You don’t have to carry this on your own.  We have it now.  Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden.  And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring.  She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve.  Stages of grief ya’ll.  He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca.  He’s in denial that anything is wrong.  He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.)  He dives into bargaining.  She’ll be okay if he can take care of her.  He can do it.  He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression.  Not just Rebecca, but about his mom.  And Izzie approaches him differently.  In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend.  An equal.  Which is what he needs right now.  His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid.  Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed.  But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically.  Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information.  Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand.  And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex.  I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything.  And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way.  Bargaining again, I suppose.  “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.”  But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died.  Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person.  And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca.  And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment.  Of understanding.  She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else.  Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that.  How to process that in a way that feels manly to him?  Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing.  And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him.  He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories.  But also... stages of grief.  He needs to feel it, so he can accept it.  He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love.  Take out the romantic/sexual aspect.  Take out the friendship.  The trust.  The family.  Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love.  And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care.  Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho.  It’s such a wonderful foil.  Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see.  He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.”  (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself.  He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable.  He let Izzie get too close.  He’s afraid.  It’s all a tangle.  And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards.  So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5.  And actually they start out close.  They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her.  He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial.  And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.”  And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either).  Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact.  They don’t talk about it, it’s fine.  Pretending it did not happen.  But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped.  It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same.  Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer.  Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind.  That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others.  Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim.  It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it.  And he does feel super close to her.  But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light.  For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation.  I’m a bit stuck and going in circles.  If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously?  Doesn’t understand him?  I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak?  Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t.  But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person.  Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff.  But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman.  Were those scenes meant to be inverted?  Or is he going into this eyes wide open?  Trying to prove something?  He’s hurting her though, is it intentional?  Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up.  But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape.  Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self?  They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off.  Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him.  She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly.  And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him.  Though her barb about STD did hit him.   Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could?  He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight.  It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did.  They are incredibly close.  And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening.  He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda.  Follows her out into the hall when she leaves.  The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right.  And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too.  “Okay, ... I”m trying to be-  I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is???  Trying to not be emotionally stunted.  Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation.  Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand.  Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her.  And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her.  And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts.  ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.”  And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.”   Dad calls for son while kinda dying.  I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot?  And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares.  With a hefty does of potential regret.  It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested.  His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.”  He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.”  Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough.  But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more.  And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time.  And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome.  *sobs*  And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window?  And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No.  Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there?  They always say yes.  Eventually.  And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things.  It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life.  In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building.  He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting.  And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing.  I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything.  But he’s also not lying.  He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle.  He’d stay with Jo then out of...  ?  Halp.  The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable.  Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life.  It’s all happiness of them individually, not together.  But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse?  No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.  

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs.  Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo.  Also exposition.  References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie.  It scared him because...  ?  He focuses on the kids.  It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her.  Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight.  Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins.  It’s a free pass to perfection.  But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever.  I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie.  But that’s kinda tenuous.  It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for.  Izzie would for Denny.  In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings.  So in a way she gave up her life for Alex.  And never reached out to him but did respond when he did.  She picked up the phone.  Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones.  And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids.  I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle.  And he’s become a man who does the right thing.  And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish.  He one perfect thing is in Kansas.  And it’s the family.  It’s a family with Izzie.  And his kids.  It’s the whole package.  If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough?  Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.”  But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.  

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is.  He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction.  He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive.  Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things.  She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.)  Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary.  And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her.  He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth.  Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them.  He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot.  Maybe it’s a Miranda thing?  After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her.  He doesn’t need her like that.  And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate.  But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to...  come back for him.  To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back.  I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.  

Interesting point “we married...”  It’s a promise.  He starts with “I’m sorry.”  His breakup speech to her - rehearsed?  He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie.  So his dying speech was also fear based?  He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock.  To when is his mind taking him?  It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup.  It’s been months but that’s still recent enough.  So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.”  They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t.  That hasn’t changed.  

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her.  A happy, rich and full life.  He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it.  Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo.  Maybe it’s contentment?  Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows?  Meh.  Back to frozen.  He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life.  It’s immersive but static, a snapshot.  And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.  

Letter to Meredith.  “It’s about me.”  Which is sorta back to breakup speech.  It was about him, ending the relationship.  He didn’t deserve to be left.  And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids.  There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love.  So I’m torn.  Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love.  Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not?  Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married?  Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right?  Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

[marigoldvance]

#GatheringFíKíBingo

Column 5

a fic you want bound and on your shelf

Heirs of Durin by @dragonquill​ / @linane-art​, E

FíKí

i feel as though i’ve recommended this before but, hey, it’s just that good. this universe is so dynamic and full and fleshy. there’s so much more than what you think there is when you start your journey through this ‘verse. and all of it is incredible. never mind the fantastic art by Linane plus the efforts made by both treasures for the accompanying articles and just, frens, for real though, if you’ve been waiting to read this just do it. 

a fic that should be a movie

Twilight of The Innocents by @halehathnofury​, E

Britchell

there are not enough words or sounds or gestures in existence for me to use to express how supremely entertaining and wildly exciting this story is. seriously. i can’t explain it with anything more than: ALKJDHFKJDSGFJKSDJKDS!!! it’s fabulous. it’s engaging. it’s like a television show that has you biting your nails and at the edge of your seat. also it has Gemma. and smutty yums yums. now, 95 chapters looks daunting but i swear to you, it goes by so damn quick because WTF IS HAPPENING OMG YAAASSSS—

a fic longer than 10k

Fifty by FuryNZ, E

FíKí

k, this fic made me emotional on a lot of levels. like, all of them. *releases long, slow, harsh breath from cheeks* this was an experience. truly. it’s Omegaverse, it’s dystopian, it’s filled with challenge and heartbreak and hope. i haven’t read it in 4 years but, guys, i can still picture EVERY SCENE perfectly in my head. oh God, and the bits that made me tear up 😭 it’s a journey, one i do not regret taking 😭😭😭 

a fic that made you cry

Devils of Truth by @saucywenchwritingblog​, E

FíKí

i reread my old review for this (left before i even had an account on AO3) and, yeah, as i said in that review: i never cry. but i cried. hard and often. this was done so perfectly that, at times, i didn’t even realize i was crying. this story is more than angst, though, and i highly, HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who hasn’t read it!!

the smexy fic you read in public

Comatose by @shinigami714​, M

FíKí

now, i have bookmarks in sordid piles of porny content but this particular fic? stands out to me (always) because it’s not actually smutty or porny or raunchy in any way. and yet, i was left a panting, hot mess by the end. although it doesn’t contain overtly sexual content, the tension our darling wrote remains THE hottest thing i’ve ever read. it makes you salivate; it makes you want; it makes you need an ice bath in a walk-in fridge. i cannot recommend it enough!

[justkindaoverhereobsessing]

I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU TO REBLOG THIS SO I COULD ASK. YAY. 1, 5, 11, 14 (WAAO), 17 (croissant croissant oui oui oui plus baguette), 18, 22, 25, 36, 49 and the most important of all, 50. ❤

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

It was more than half my lifetime ago—I was 10!

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I only have a couple, lol, but I’d have to say We Are an Ocean. I’m not sure if I love it or hate it at this point, but I’ve put so so so so much effort and time and love into it! It’s my baby! 

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not on major plot points, but... About ten years ago, I wrote a oneshot based in the late 1940s, and someone pointed out to me that seatbelts in cars weren’t really a thing back then. I did go back and change that, lmao. Fly free, kiddos, you’re on your own in a car crash! 

14) How did you come up with the title for We Are an Ocean? 

I HAD SUCH A HARD TIME WITH IT. I knew I wanted it to be friends-with-benefits turned lovers turned partners in every aspect, but the gradual change there over the course of the story makes it hard to choose a single theme... and I almost always name my fics based on theme! I literally spent two days scouring quotes in about twenty different themes, and finally found the quote I used and decided it was good enough. It was defeatism more than anything, lmao! Here’s the whole quote from which I got the title of the fic: "Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean." -Ryunosuke Satoro. 

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on. (I cheated and did three from my ‘oui oui oui plus baguette’ story, as you put it, lmao.)

“Où sont lez… what was it, again?”

“Forget it. Stay close to me and avoid getting lost, because I do not think you will never be able to speak French, Tony DiNozzo.”

“Why would I ever need to, when I have you?”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I have one! It’s a long and sordid tale of heartbreak and drama, lmao, so I’ll spare you the details, but basically, I co-wrote it with someone I was very close to. When we had a falling out, I rewrote much of the story for my own sanity but didn’t post it—it was just for me. Eventually, when I’d gotten whatever closure I needed out of it, I stopped doing that, too. The story still exists somewhere in the format of text messages on an old phone shoved in a drawer somewhere, but what was posted back when that person and I were still close is all that will ever be published. (I did get a tattoo because of the whole experience of rewriting by myself, though... song lyrics from Hamilton! “I picked up a pen; I wrote my own deliverance.”)

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

SO MANY. Actually, I keep meaning to go back and delete pretty much everything I wrote prior to 2019, lmao. Thanks for the reminder! 

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

YES. As you know, I’m an incredibly easy crier. I usually don’t, though... I like to say that I hurt my own feelings instead. When I’m writing, I’m usually so focused on the forest that the trees can’t make me cry, lmao. There’s so much going on in my head—plot, dialogue, word count, staying IC, timing, descriptions, continuity, throwing in pianos to piss you off, pacing, grammar, keeping track of clothes if I’m writing smut, etc. It makes me a little removed from my story until I give it a read-through when I publish it. Once, though, during my RP days... my partner and I were writing a story that I KNEW would make me cry but I still wrote it when I was in public. I was on a long-distance overnight bus from London to Amsterdam with 100 strangers and there were NO TISSUES. I got snot all over myself. Gross. 10/10, would recommend embarrassing yourself that badly in the name of art at least once in your life!

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

Sure, I’ll give you a few! For WAAO, spoilers with no context: guilt/grief/fear/rage all wrapped up in one devastated character, the worst international trip in the world, a therapist, Anacostia Park, and a baby that wants to be passed from person to person every 90 seconds. 

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can, lmao, cause I’m scarred for life. I was roughly 8 years old and even back then, I was very shippy... I was looking for a Harry/Ginny story to read. The one I found involved Harry cheating on his wife with Cho Chang and in the end, Ginny got pissed enough that she straight up murdered him. Wtf. I’m still not okay. 

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

WAIT THIS ONE’S HARD. WTF SOFIA. Ummmmmmmmm... shit. I guess I’m going to go with fluff, because angst is no fun if it doesn’t resolve into fluff anyway, and it’s hard enough to write the occasional smut fic without it being the only thing I’m allowed to write! Yeah, okay, my final answer is fluff. But I don’t like it and you’re on thin ice for asking this question, lmao. 

Fanfiction Writer Asks

[evotter]

jan, march, sept + one of your choice, love. have a great day, u icon

thank u kyra i adore u

january: what was the first fic you posted this year?

the first fic i posted this year TECHNICALLY was the epilogue of a different path. the first standalone was chewbacca (aka my introduction to the jily world once again and i have such a soft spot for it)

march: do you listen to music whilst writing? 

yes! pretty much always; if it’s not music, it’s a TV show.

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

quite literally anything you’ve left on any of my fics BUT there are a few that i hold dear to my heart. i’ll post them under the cut cause they are LONG :’)

ancient: the first fic you ever posted online?

hahahaaaaaaa. it was my own version of rick riordan’s the son of neptune before the actual book was published. it was on ff.net, and the first chapter got 7 reviews, and i felt so good about myself after that lmfao. who knew i’d still be writing 8 years later?

ask me questions!

OKAY so i have 3 top favorites:

from a different path:

okay so i had seen this in someone else’s bookmarks the other day, thought it was an interesting concept—especially since i too love slytherin!percy and strongly subscribe to ofswordsandpens’ headcanons about it—but didn’t give it another thought until i was listening to a video about the cursed child and went: wait, there’s a percabeth hogwarts au that i saw somewhere. and immediately i hunted this down and i’m just in awe? i tore through it. belatedly, i realized that i made a mistake: i didn’t write down my thoughts as i was reading, which is definitely a disservice to you. however, here are a generalized list of things that i loved.

first of all, with hogwarts au’s, there are three main aspects that i look for: plot, characterization, and quality of writing. normally, fics of this size lack one or more of these key factors, but i was astonished to find that the plot is tremendously tight and intriguing (my lip bled from biting it so much because i’ve been stressed to the max), you write these characters with such distinct voices i can easily picture them saying everything—except, of course, now in a little british accent—and your writing flows so well, it feels almost like i’m reading an actual harry potter book, just with percy and co. you also do a masterful job of weaving together aspects of the pjo universe with the established canon of hp.

and there are so many specific things that i love. primarily, the way you write the relationships in this story; not just concerning percabeth (though i will get to that in a minute), but also with each of the interactions between all of the characters. i applaud you for how you handled luke/annabeth and rachel/percy, and the friendship among them all is just incredibly well done. i especially love how well you wrote connor and zoë and just, a lot of characters that i don’t often think about when i think of pjo. grover and percy’s friendship especially is heartbreaking, i just. he’s so protective because he loves his friends and holy fuck i also love how you wrote grover in this. but i just adored how you wrote annabeth/percy—the love between them, both platonic in its early stages and the romantic all throughout, was doubly apparent. i ached when they kissed each other’s cheeks, and i inwardly cheered when she kissed him in the locker room. there was just such a natural progression, to me, of their relationship. and man did i dig it. i’m excited (and maybe a little scared) to see where you take their relationship in the future.

boy, this is getting long. sorry. but some more just little quick things: loved the b99 reference, with both of their competitive natures playing out in a similar way to jake and amy’s. i kind of want to go back and see if i can find any other references that i missed because i was just too engaged in the story to catch them. also, zoë’s death killed me all over again, thanks for that. i like how you’re working the kronos plot in, and i can’t wait to see how the Final Battle plays out. what else? oh! professor hestia? beautiful. eventual maybe professor percy? outstanding. percy kissing the top of annabeth’s head? breathtaking. rachel being a quidditch commentator? earth shattering. (truly i cackled when i saw that.) mrs. o’leary being a cat? incredible. how you incorporated percy’s water powers? stunning.

ooh, this exchange was beautiful and had me cackling it was so in-character:

“None of us are dying.” Connor clarifies. “Not you, not me, not Annie, not the rest of us.”

“I might have to dispute that.” Annabeth says, from Percy’s other side. “Call me ‘Annie’ one more time, Stoll, and I’ll kill you myself.”

Connor only grins at her. “Sorry, love. No more ‘Annie’. Can I call you Beth?”

“No.”

“Anna?”

“No.”

okay, so i just finished chapter nine and i am blown away. sorry for how long this comment was, but a fic of this magnitude truly warrants it. i can’t wait to see what happens next.

i leave you with just two words: “holy shit.”

from a different path: 

god, oh my god, am i the only dumb bitch who didn’t get what the prophecy was??

anyway, i stumbled on this fic last year, patiently waiting for its completion, and now that i’ve rediscovered it, i’m so glad i finished it all in one go! i couldn’t imagine the tension of waiting for the next chapter, especially since the tension is so well-crafted!! i hardly noticed the tonal shift even as the story got darker and darker as it led up to the war, and in that way i was reminded of how extremely similar it felt to reading the hp books for the first time! you nailed percy very well i might say, and the awkward-yet-caring relationship he has with his dad. i daresay you gave connor and zoe more characterization than rick riordan himself, and the percabeth you wrote is perfect to the nth degree. i appreciate that you didnt bother with all the love triangle and unrequited feelings nonsense as well.

but i have to say, even as i cried at sally and paul’s wedding, or at dionysus’ quiet mourning for castor, what really struck with me most was the way you handled silena. for that, i have no words. that was a job extremely well done. thank you so much for blessing us with this fic.

from chewbacca (a comment from u!): 

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen. Her coat is dripping all over the floor he’d just cleaned (but it’s fine) and when he leans over the counter he sees that her boots match the coat.

First of all!!! Thats the best opening line in the world and nobody can convince me otherwise. I want to become a publisher just so that if you ever write a book, I’d be able to publish it. ( like omg, what an honor??? )

She looks like sunshine, standing there with the amount of yellow in her wardrobe. Briefly, James wonders if that’s her favorite color. It’s got to be.

Im going to quote this whole fic but I really love these lines? Like, you have this distinct style of writiting that I aim to acheive and you’re literally such a rolemodel!!! These are my favorite kind of fics to read. Funny story but I was going through a ‘no thanks Jily’ mood (  a horror, i know !! ) but your fics are just,,,,exceptions? You could write about trash and I’d love it and ask for you to sign me up.

 “Say it again, but convincingly this time.”

ooof this dialogue??? let me breathe

This is the longest he’s stood still since he started working. It’s actually a miracle.

and the funniest person award goes to YOU. also, the most talented and cutest but thats neither here nor there.

james taking care of fleamont, switching off the lights gives me just a nice and realistic vibe? its so simple but i love how you added it.

honestly at this point, ive been sucked again by the fanfic. it feels less like a fic and more like a masterpiece that belongs in a museum but anyway.

“James is supposed to be helping.

James is on his phone.”

ugh i love ur mind. im rereading and its so nice and lovely. even if its like 1am and im exhausted, this fic is sustaining me.

“Do it off the clock, would you?”

PEAK HUMOR

have i mentioned how much i love that scene with euphemia? she seems like such a lovely mom. i love ur euphemia the most. and ahh, both of them just rushing to the hospital ? another 100% good scene.

“Euphemia smiles too, but looks at Fleamont rather than at her son. “Yes,” she says. “It really does.””

fic? or shakspeare? HMMM

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen // “Get fucked.”

the fic!! has made a circle!!! i love how it begins and ends along the same lines. I really want to know how??? are you so talented im in love.

i just really love this fic, okay? i love how james is just the kindest, lily is allowed to have feelings, its just so soft and warm. and it makes someone feel loved, want love anyway.

the dynamic between the characters are just so real and great and im astounded, in short.

your sirius is everything. so many fics potray him as a dick??? which is first of all #rude and also, not at all true. you made me love these characters even more so i sincerely hope you never stop writing.

you’re such a beautiful writer and the way you string words together is just poetic and gorgeous and all the other good adjectives you can think of. i read your spiderman x reader too and i was a goner for you. EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS SO GOOD. i read it so long ago but i can vividly remember peter whipping the mask off and she just going wtf stop on the window ledge. what im trying to say is that you leave this lasting impression on people that make them remember random scenes and words / prose long after they’ve read it which is a remarkable feat, i believe.

and im so sorry im not on tumblr rn bc i cannot keep recing this fic but i have told my friends about your writing and they loved it too. you’ve got like a million fans. when i do get back from my hiatus, im going to keep recing your fics and people will cry because their universe will shift thanks to the newfound joy of your presence in their life.

lastly, im more of a dog person and that, more than anything, should tell you how much i love this fic. i love u. and basee on your writing, i want to hug you, be your best friend and make you cookies bc again

WOW

[booksong]

Fic Writers Week 2017: Day 1

Prompt: Words of Validation

First off, let me state what will be obvious to most fellow writers--I love literally each and every comment I get, knowing that someone was moved or excited enough about what I wrote to put that effort in.  Seeing that comment notification always makes my day brighter, whether it’s on my most popular fics or one with only a handful of hits.  If you are someone who’s ever commented on a fic of mine, know that I read it and loved it and appreciated it so, so much!

That said, there are definitely a few comments that go that extra mile, and become the ones that inspire you, comfort you, and that you reread so often you basically memorize them.  I’ve copied a few here below the Read More.

-There are few better moments in the fanfic writing life than when you participate in a fandom gift exchange, and your recipient leaves you a comment with their reaction.  From my Akisae fic Hazard Label:

i can die happily now thank you SO MUCH for writing this for me, this is so perfect and nbd but im gonna like, liveblog this while i read bc you deserve a long ass comment about how good this is. u deserve everything in the world for this fic, tbh

"Akiteru couldn’t imagine anyone being in charge of Tanaka Saeko" ok but same.... i love this line so much it's so in character im dead

WTF IM SO....... I CANT DEAL....... “You know, when Kei-kun blocked Ushijima’s spike that first time, I thought you were going to fall over the railing. I was seriously preparing to grab your jacket and save your life.” AND RHE NWXT PART??????

IM.... IM SO EMOTIONAL I LOVE SHY FLIRTING “And the first thing I thought, after I was sure you weren’t going to die, was that I really, really wanted to kiss you.”

also i love how akiteru is practicing with karasuno and playing with his brother... tbh that means a lot to me, and their relationship... god this is so good

“I keep telling you, I kinda like dating a girl who can kick my ass.” me too akiteru, me too. i love girls like that. they could kill me and i'd say thank u, honestly. saeko is rly high up on that list...

also YES I LOVE THE 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU type, omg saeko actually reminds me of kat a bit, tbh... i can totally see it. i wanted to cringe at the pet names but it was so cute that i couldnt do it. its just. im dead now... i love u for this thank you so much i appreciate this

RIP Mairin (1997-2016) Cause of Death: this fucking fic

- I’ve been absolutely blown away by the positive reception to my first Daisuga fic, Add New Contact over the past couple years.  Here are just a couple of the many fantastic comments it’s gotten:

I have been grinning at my phone for the past ten minutes because this is so CUTE omg! Possibly the cutest thing I've read all year. Daichi is such a lovesick NERD and I love how he keeps trying to rationalize what he's doing. (In his defense though, I would break my phone to see Suga too.) And Suga sneaking into Daichi's phone may have made me laugh. I would say I want more of this, but it ended so perfectly! Thanks for sharing!

I reread this fic for the third time and honestly idk why but this time it makes me cry (r u even serious) it has been a while since i read haikyuu and them fics or doujin (since the Yuri on ice fever) and i've kind of forgotten how much i love these two. Think i cried just because now i remembered how cute those two are and GAHHHH I LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE SO SO SO MUCH i can't even express how much i love this fic in words???? Like it wouldn't ever be enough to say how much i adore this fic gdi, yes daisuga has been my fav otp since who knows when, but this fic makes me fell A LOT MORE for daisuga than i have ever been. They're so in characters and all of the dialogues and inner thoughts are so sweet and just, reALLY REALLY THEM. your characterization is perfect and honestly if i should ask for more, then i really want more daisuga from you, 'cause really, your writing style. Geez. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. You make me ship them even more and ghhhhhhh this is surely one of my all time favorite fics in the universe. And no i'm not exaggerating at all. Please never stop writing stuffs. Thank u for existing and for making this fic exists love u bless u 

I've been having a really rough time, but this fic made me smile so big and so much, I could barely stand it, ahaha. Thank you so much for brightening my day with this adorable fic. You wrote every character so well, and it just solidified for me just how much I love DaiSuga. <3

Thanks again!

- Finally, comments that are given to my works that are more about character-study than shipping, or that I put a lot of personal feelings into, hold a special place for me.  I wrote Things We Forged in the Fire as a celebration of Morgiana, one of my favorite ladies, and reading that my characterization resonated with people really touched me:

This is absolutely perfect, you really capture the ferocity and gentleness of Mor, I'm a bit jealous of you. Also the alimor was divine, subtle and sweet, mutual respect is such a key component of their relationship, yet it's left out a lot.

Anyway this is going down under one of my favorite Magi fics (don't have ao3 account) Keep up the good work!

I love this story! I really don't leave comments in archive of our own because of the need to leave an email address but, this story just needed to be commented on how fantastic it is. I have just been reading Magi and I also believe that Morgiana is one of the most bad-ass character ever! And, you are also correct that there are not many stories that are dedicated to Mor (or to Mor and Alibaba as a pair) which is quite sad.

I like the way that you described Mor and Alibaba's relationship. It was not forced and I really appreciate that because even if AliMor (is this correct?) is my "ship", sometimes some stories just fail to capture the mutual respect that Alibaba and Morgiana have for each other. Also, grammatically, I did not find any mistakes (though I'm not an expert in that particular area) and your use of words was simple and understandable yet it also captures what you want to convey to your readers.

I really hope that you would be making more stories about Morgiana (she's such an under-appreciated character!) or about her and Alibaba (since this is my ship after all. Hahaha). Are you considering making a multi-chaptered story for them? (*blinks at you with puppy eyes). I would definitely read them. More power to you and may you write more stories for Magi! And, happy new year! :)

So basically, comments help keep us writers going, and we love your enthusiasm and excitement.  Never worry that your comments are annoying, too long or short, too full of caps lock, too ramble-y, or not detailed enough.  We love them all!  

[jinareads]

T5W: 6/21 Favorite "Unlikeable" Protagonists

June 21st: Favorite "Unlikeable" Protagonists -- People always tear down "unlikeable" protagonists. But tell us the ones you pulled for!

((spoiler alert: 2 of these are actually antagonists don’t hate me I couldn’t think of 5 protagonists))

Mia Thermopolis from The Princess Diaries. I recently reread this series (yes, the entire 11-book series plus the accompanying novellas), and wow, Mia is really annoying. But she is 14 in the beginning, and I still found her internal monologue hilarious as a 19-year-old. And you bet that I was just as annoying when I was a freshman in high school (if not more)--I, too, wrote most of my complaints in a journal rather than voicing all of them out loud.

Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy. Okay, Meredith is such a controversial character (I’m sorry, I’m not even caught up on the latest season but give me a few days). Like when she pulled the plug on you-know-who’s life support?????? wtf Meredith, I know you had good intentions, but I don’t think anyone will ever forget that--especially when you rewatch the entire series while sobbing into your ice cream and realize that they specifically had a conversation about what to do when faced with that situation, and she did the complete opposite of what he said he wanted. Sadly, I still love her character for some reason.

Sebastian Morgenstern from The Mortal Instruments. I probably shouldn’t be so fascinated with him (he was literally half-demon), but he was such an interesting villain. I also cried like a baby when he finally died, when Clary saw in his eyes what could’ve been her brother.

Severus Snape from Harry Potter. Snape. I’ve had such a rollercoaster relationship with him. For years, I loved him--I loved how much he loved Lily, how he ultimately protected Harry, and how he was a good guy at his core. I was uncontrollably crying in the theater during his death scene. The word “always” still tugs at my heart. But I can’t ignore the fact that without Lily, he would probably still be a Death Eater. He tormented Harry for no other reason than that Harry reminded him of James. Without his love for Lily, I can’t say for certain that he would be the hero that a lot of people make him out to be--was he a good person because he wanted to help Lily, or because he knew it was the right thing?

The Darkling from The Grisha Trilogy. The Grisha trilogy was amazing, and the Darkling was actually one of my favorite characters. He was really mysterious and not exactly easy to connect with, but I was fascinated by his backstory.

Join T5W: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/118368-top-5-wednesday