#and then ppl irl at least in my experience is None of them want to be 100% real w me lmao idk

[isatoru]

making friends on tumblr vs making friends in real life is so insanely different and kind of sad like. even in Other online spaces. i cant be Real and myself all the time. the amount of carefulness and mysteriousness i need to have around ppl off tumblr kills my whimsy and bluntness (that i have on here freely) so much. like damn i cant be cringe with everyone i guess

[thereanimatedrogue]

slight diary entry thing:

i'm a very seasoned gm. i recognize this. i have years of experience gming at least two campaigns that have spanned years, both running 30ish sessions a pop as well as a few sporadically running dnd games that involved a lot more heavy planning. despite ~6+ years of experience until very recently i felt like a garbage gm bc I didn't like to run campaigns in the way I was taught to by online dnd communities and irls: heavy exploration, riddles, big open sandbox worlds, 1 or 2 big fights per session. a lot of it bored me. im not into big world building and mechanics. i don't like reading rulebooks and planning dungeons/huge cities. and bc i didn't enjoy those things, when I ran sessions they were very obviously lacking.

my most recent campaign was a success. my players still talk to me about their characters/plot points, ask me when my next campaign is, what I'm planning and if they can join. and my campaign was none of the things young dm me would have felt it needed to be. it was very small world. I knew the jist of how it would end from the beginning. the mechanics straight up were forgotten half the time, I only actually remembered to lvl up my players twice. there were no dungeon crawls, fights maybe happened once every 4 sessions. and none of them minded.

in a dnd game years ago I had a player say out loud mid combat in a disappointed tone: "oh I see. this isn't a fight the dm wants us to win." the shame from that statement made me want to shrivel up and die. never run a campaign again. it was true- I didn't want that fight to be one the players won for both story and character reasons. but that wasn't the kind of game they were interested in playing, where mechanics and exploration were lost for the sake of character development and story arcs. and that was a failure on my part. I didn't read my audience correctly, they were playing dnd for a fundamentally different reason than I was. I never should have dmed for them bc I couldn't give them the experience they wanted. it was unfair of me to try and force my preferred style of gameplay onto them .

(the player I intended to have a story moment (a separate one than the one who called me out) never got it btw, bc I had to stop the fight then. I don't know if they cared, but I was excited to explore that character's psychology, morality. I was excited to give their character a moment to shine. they never got that and probably never will bc I don't intend to dm for that group again. the majority of those players didn't care about the things I cared about in ttrpgs. none of them asked to continue the campaign during the hiatus.)

it wasn't until years later that I found an audience of players that actually wanted the kind of game I was interested in playing: one intensely centered on their PCs, where broad character arcs mattered and heavy roleplay was the focus. ones that would trust that I wasn't just forcing them into a room for 5 hrs to just ramble half baked shitty stories at them. less of a board game, more of an interactive communal story. when I didn't let their characters do things that didn't mean I was trying to railroad them into a boring masturbatory dm fantasy, they trusted that there were reasons for my actions that were not purely selfish. maybe was trying to set up a moment for a different character. maybe I was trying to get their pc in a spot where their morals were challenged. they trusted that their momentary lack of autonomy would pay off on a much bigger scale. every time we would get back from a break, these players were asked me to schedule the next session. they cared.

ig the lesson I learned is that i don't need to dm for people who don't like to play the game the way I like to. I don't need to play with ppl if the thought of playing with them gives me intense anxiety, if they can't be bothered to care about the story I'm trying to tell or the questions I ask for their characters. if I don't enjoy having a player in my campaign I shouldn't force myself to dm for them bc dming is supposed to be fun. I don't need to force myself to plan things I hate and cause me to take months long breaks from dming. it never felt like a chore to plan for my recent campaigns and it shouldn't feel like a chore. I love dming, and my players love being my players. I just need to better cultivate my audience to be one that cares about the things I care about. those might not be the people I initially thought I would dm for. but they're out there and they're excited for next session.

(I accidentally added a Kermit gif to the bottom of this and idk how to get rid of it lol)

[tenaciouspeacesandwich]

PSA: Online Safety

Ok so normally I don’t post personal stuff on here, but I saw something today that made me remember this and I knew I had to post it somewhere. 

When I was 14, I was really into digital art and online forums where people could post and discuss their paintings/drawings. As someone w/adhd and social anxiety, the internet was somewhere I felt I could be myself and be in control of my social interactions. It wasn’t as intimidating as making friends or talking to people in real life, and I built genuine social skills on there. However, I wasn’t aware of how dangerous these digital communities could be.

I had (still do) a really great relationship with my parents growing up, and they made sure to have the discussion with me about stranger danger and how you should never give away personal info online, all the classics. I never really hid anything I did on the computer from them, and they trusted me completely. They monitored our internet that was considered acceptable by most parenting standards (i.e. server blockers for adult content, etc.). But none of that mattered when I met someone on a discussion board who convinced me to meet up with them irl.

Obviously, looking back on it now years later, it was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. Even at the time, I remember being a little scared when this person asked me to meet them at a public park. They were one of my online ‘art buddies’, ppl who critiqued and gave advice for your submissions, and we’d ‘known’ each other for a while. They complimented my sketches, gave me great tips on how to draw better, and I was really inspired by all the works they posted. Then the conversations meandered naturally from our posts to our lives, casual talk like how we hated homework but liked our teachers, our siblings were annoying, etc. 

WARNING: DESCRIPTION OF GROOMING AHEAD

Then, one day they messaged me complementing my self-portrait that I had posted. It was by no means realism, more of a cartoon version of myself, but their flattering words were enough to make my introverted,14-year-old self swoon. I was so shy in school, no one even knew i was there half the time, let alone told me i was beautiful. It made me feel special, valued, less alone. Looking back now, I see it for what it was. But at the time, those words only made me trust this person more. So when they mentioned that they lived in my city and asked if I wanted to meet up at a public park, it wasn’t a huge red flag to me. It was a public place, right? It’s not like they were asking for my social or my address or anything. And they wouldn’t be picking me up in their car, the park was close enough to my school that I could bike the 4 miles there myself. We were just gonna hang out at the picnic tables for a couple of hours, no big deal. 

Even though I’d seen this park before, I’d never actually been to it. My parents never took us there, and I always just assumed it was because there were other, closer parks to our house that were just as nice. It didn’t seem sketchy to me as I rode up closer, other than the fact that some of the playground equipment was rusty and the swing set had overgrown weeds on it. 

I remember this day so clearly even though it’s been 10 years now: I was pedaling up this mini-hill that went thru a neighborhood, and the park was at the bottom of the hill on the other side. I remember stopping at the top of the hill to catch my breath for a second on the sidewalk, and I looked down at the park. From where I was standing, I could see the picnic tables and the parking lot. My friend had been messaging me on my phone, and had been updating me ever since I left school on my bike. They said they were already there and had been waiting for me for the past 10 minutes, and that when I arrived I’d be able to find them really easily because they had a red convertible in the parking lot, and they had managed to get us a table that we didn’t have to share. I texted them when I left, asking if there were a lot of people at the park that day. Their reply was really distinct, because instead of ‘yeah, kinda’ or ‘not really’, they texted back; ‘Super crowded, some kind of birthday party at the gazebo- All kinds of moms lol’ . Reading that gave me assurance that I didn’t know I needed, and that’s why I remember the dread and fear I felt when I looked down at the park.

 There was no one there.

No party, no kids, nothing- the gazebo was empty, the playground deserted, everything was just quiet. 

Except for this one man sitting at a picnic table, who had to be at least my father’s age. There was a gray sedan parked in the lot (i’m assuming his, but I don’t know), and the man was looking down at his phone as he sat at the table.

I texted my ‘friend’ again, still hidden by the garage wall of someone’s house where my bike was parked at the top of the hill. My ‘friend’ was supposed to be a guy my age who was wearing a pink floyd t shirt and black jeans. I asked him, ‘is there food at the party?’

I got an instant reply; ‘Yeah, a grillout- smells amazing but i don’t think they’ll let us have anything lol’. 

I turned around and got on my bike, looking over my shoulder every 5 minutes, terrified that this guy might have seen and followed me. Thankfully, there was never anyone behind me, and I didn’t stop until I got home. I went to my room and deleted my entire account from that website, blocking my ‘friend’ first and deleting all of our conversation history in a panic before making sure every trace of me was gone forever. I sat there in my room for a while just staring at the wall. 

I don’t know for sure if the man that I saw had anything to do with the person I was messaging- I don’t know him or why he was at the park. All of these things are connections I drew from what I knew via the website and our conversation, and what I could see with my own eyes. But more powerful than any of that was the immense, strong gut feeling I had wash over me when I was about to meet that person. Something just felt very, very wrong. I was still happy and excited to meet them, but that happiness was soured by that innate reaction of dread and foreboding that just screamed at me to go away. 

I never told my parents about this, and still haven’t to this day. I know they would blame themselves for me being lured by this person (if that was in fact what happened), and that is the last thing I want- they did everything right.

That’s my entire point in posting this: my parents did everything by the book, took the experts advice, had an open and trusting relationship with me, and monitored our internet access. But I still made this happen, I still got my way, and I’m convinced that it’s by sheer luck that I’m still here today. I got up the courage to ask them one day, about 3 years after all this, when we were driving by that park why they never took us there as kids. My parents told me that park was notorious for drug use and crime, and that there were no working security cameras anywhere nearby. 

There have been so many people in my situation who unfortunately never came home. Please please please be careful who you talk to on the internet, and be even more careful about the excuses you tell yourself to justify why it’s ok for you to be communicating with strangers. I convinced myself that this was just a fun meet up with a friend, that it was safe because it was on a public property, and that it was ok for me to go by myself. I will remember this experience for the rest of my life. 

[illnessfaker]

[ cw: f-slur, rape mention ]

no reblogs pls. this is a long vent.

haha not to be a hysterical faggot crippled shut-in freak or anything but the way ppl talk abt the defensiveness around the f-slur that some gay/bi male users (and some transfem users) on here as if it's some kind superiority pissing contest thing and not primarily about...respecting the boundaries and experiences of those gay/bi male (and transfem) users. like...being on this site as a fag-adjacent person (i say that half-jokingly because it sounds silly on one hand but on the other that's the most accurate descriptor of my gender identity, lol) is becoming increasingly draining and upsetting with how "progressive" homophobia against gay/bi men is apparently becoming, like, a meme among lgbtq people and that's acceptable somehow bc lgbtq people aren't cishets or because it's "only online" and therefore doesn't matter.

like idgaf abt ppl who aren't gay/bi men (or transfem) using the f-slur in every single context possible. if they're affectionately referring to their gay/bi male (or transfem) friends with that word (so long as said friends are comfortable with it) that's one thing. who cares. i even rb'd something where a cis butch (iirc) lesbian was talking about a gay man she knew who she was affectionatly calling a faggot and the things she said warmed my heart. if they're throwing it around at every opportunity or using it as an edgy insult against random strangers on the internet, that's another. the users on here who do the latter also regularly display behavior that like...shows a pretty clear disdain for gay/bi men (or transfem ppl) not apart of their online or "irl" circlejerks and echo chambers, and that is in no way disconnected from their love of using the f-slur, lol.

the "it's only online and so it's unimportant uwu go outside" thing also really feels like such a spit in the face as someone who both lives in a rural area full of cishet white men with guns that might try to kill me if i walked out of the house in drag (not to mention i live with my bf and his family and his parents are homophobes themselves i'm sure), and is also someone with health issues that usually keep me at home and in bed when i'm not working. i didn't always live here but even in my hometown the only "lgbtq space" i had was the high school GSA which didn't do shit other than the day of silence and was attended by people i did not feel safe around (e.g. my ex-friend who was very emotionally manipulative and ended up raping someone.) i don't have any other lgbtq spaces to go to other than online ones. if i never joined tumblr i might still be a self-hating cishet girl, or i might be dead, who knows. like, i've accepted at this point that personhood isn't something i'm allowed in (outside of my whiteness) so fuck me i guess if we need to but the idea that other young, impressionable, and/or traumatized lgbtq people who only can meet other lgbtq people and learn about lgbtq things online for whatever reason don't deserve to have us make an effort on cultivating internet spaces that are as accessible and safe for them as possible, or that their experiences and feelings are somehow unimportant is just...vile. like ofc not everyone needs to "pander" to "logged on" disabled fags like myself maybe but if you have any kind of large following on social media maybe consider that the things you say and do on said social media have like...an actual effect on other people instead of pretending that it's "just online" and therefore consequences for your actions either don't matter enough (to you personally) or somehow don't exist.

but going back to the fag thing, most popular lgbtq tumblr users on my dash i see nowadays just...simply do not give a shit whatsoever about gay/bi men, to the point they're normalizing "progressive" and "acceptable" homphobia against us bc they've convinced themselves due to the bigotry some gay/bi men (often cis, white, and wealthy mind you) exhibit we are "the cishets of the lgbtq community," despite horrific violence still being committed against us every day and despite other lgbtq people being capable of engaging in that violence themselves. ppl make thinly veiled jokes and memes where the punchline is men having sex with each other or effeminacy as if those things aren't primary avenues for gay/bi men being abused, assaulted, and killed (including acts of abuse and assault of a sexually-driven nature), as if said jokes and memes don't serve to normalize the mentalities that drive homophobic hate crimes. it's not like...a coincidence that most lgbtq people who makes these jokes aren't gay/bi men (or transfem). this doesn't even get into how things like homophobia and anti-effeminacy can pretty much boot certain gay/bi men from manhood...or womanhood...or any place in gender altogether.

call me exlusionary if you want but i think it's fair to say that the chances of people who aren't gay/bi men (or transfem*) facing the repurcussions of those mentalities in any meaningful way, the chances of these people actually having lived as or going to live as "faggots" is any meaningful sense is slim to none, and that's why they're so comfortable participating in this shit, and that's why i'm triggered(tm) by them "reclaiming" faggot (which doesn't really involve reclamation bc calling random strangers on the internet or gay/bi men you hate a slur isn't reclamation you morons), because frankly if you're not apart of either of those groups, you're just not a fucking faggot. it's not your word just because some rando on overwatch called you it for picking hanzo in comp. period. end of story. it's also just extremely absurd to try and claim faggotry as something you experience while...readily and happily engaging in homophobia and fag-hate (which isn't synonymous with the former term but i'm talking abt ppl who probably seldom ever engage which discussions and theory surrounding how homophobia instrumentates itself in society - or at least that which doesn't conform to their worldview). within the gay/bi male community there's plentu of masc "straight-acting" gays who weaponize this shit against fem gays and they (should) get held accountable in the same way. you're not special.

and god, being told my gendered experiences as a fag-adjacent person where (white) cafab women are fully capable of engaging in social forms of "oppression" against me and other fags in undeniably gendered ways is somehow an outlier and therefore not reflective of broader social by (white) masc urbanite tbros with definitively more social standing than i'll ever have in my life, as if i somehow developed this understanding of gendered violence just based off my own life and not...the reported and sometimes even recorded experiences of countless other fags who get mocked and silenced because anything that deviates from a watered down, shoddy cis feminist take on gender is fake news(tm) or bordering on saying misandry exists (like no it doesn't exist but acting as if homophobic shit like anti-sodomy laws, for example, has zero to do with gay/bi men's manhood is just nonsensical). convos on here abt gender being mostly dominated by (white) cafab women or sometimes (white) masc trans guys is such a mistake lmao.

anyway i'm tired and stressed and pretty done with having "acceptable" homophobic shit shoved in my face on a daily basis both online and offline but nevertheless i must persist because i'm not lucky enough to have anywhere else to go, really. just...think critically abt ur actions regarding gay/bi male sexuality and gender-stuff pretty please. please.

( *disclaimer just in case that i definitely don't see transfems as some "type" of gay/bi men. there are transfems who identify with gay/bi manhood and/or faggotry. there are transfems who don't. that's entirely up to them. thank u. )

[pain-somnia]

(1)so, i've been re-reading AOY for like, the third time, and i just wanted to tell u how much i appreciate the way you write all of the characters. i feel like you approach them with empathy, or at least an understanding of some sort. like, you don't ignore their flaws or their virtues, you don't get viciously against or in favor of any of them. and even if your fic is focused on Hyde&Jackie and their relationship, u give depth to almost all of the characters,

(2) none of them could be replaced with a cardboard cutout, u know? and the dynamics in the group are fantastic, everyone matters to everyone in one way or another (although there are different degrees of closeness, of course). a long time ago i had started reading the eric/buddy fic u mentioned, and while it was well written and intriguing, i couldn't get past the first few chapters bc i can't handle fics that are too biased (not to say that it was bad, it just wasn't my thing).

(3) plenty of other t7s fanfics are biased too (to a certain extent), which is fine and completely normal, but idk, i just love that u seem to care for everyone at least a little bit. it's one of the things that makes AOY so compelling to me. i'm looking forward to what's next, especially bc i wanna know how Hyde&Jackie are gonna deal with their new-but-not-really relationship,

(4)and i NEED more Buddy&Fez, and Jackie&Donna. i also i have a good guess as to the ship you're gonna introduce, so i'm excited to see how you're gonna tackle them 👀. anyway, i didn't mean for this message to get so long lmao. hope you're doing well 💕.

First, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY WORK I’m in awe that you re-read it that much (I’m always in awe when ppl re-read my work)

I’m blushing so hard from your compliments. When I first came up with the idea to do this time travel fic I did mostly focus on Jackie and Hyde but then I started to think about the other characters and how Jackie isn’t entirely selfish and she is a compassionate person, so why shouldn’t relationships with other characters be mentioned or highlighted in some way?

(gonna try and put everything under the cut so I don’t clog up the dash but if it doesn’t work I’m so sorry)

Besides the fact that the show was about the group of friends, a huge bit of inspiration for giving more attention to the other characters especially having them do activities with each other especially outside of the basement actually came from my own years as a teen and into my early 20s. The zenmasters fandom is still really new to me unlike the sasusaku fandom so many don’t know about how I got really sick and lost the closeness I used to have with my irl friends due to my illnesses and inability to do all of the things I used to do with them. This is my way of capturing my love for my old friends in a way.

My home used to have the same feeling as Eric’s basement (every time my family moved my house was still THE house) and I was one of like three friends that were licensed (even up to our mid 20s) and I was the only one everyone fully trusted to drive. So in a way I was the Eric of our friend group especially when you add in my mom’s train of thought when it came to my friends and I which was that she would rather us eat everything in her fridge in kitchen and have her go broke feeding us than for us to be out doing stupid shit. It didn’t stop us from doing stupid shit but that was our life lol

we used to trespass into places (abandoned houses, abandoned asylum, parks and fields and lakes when they were closed at night), I had an ex that stole a golf cart from a security guard cuz it was there and the keys were in the ignition and we all fucking scattered when the guy showed up, we would fuck around at my house or another friend’s house and drinking and weed (and acid and shrooms) were usually involved (I was the mom friend so I always took care of everyone and was designated driver), we went to concerts even if we had to drive to other states and also went to Warped Tour almost every year until I got sick af. We would find the perfect places to watch meteor showers and hold bonfires at a friend’s house (although we did start a bonfire in a soccer field we had no business being in at that time at night).

And we would drive around for hours with no destination. We typically told our parents we were going bowling when we did and we never fucking went bowling lol

There’s so much that we did

This is all the energy of my personal experience being a teenager with access to a minivan and then my own car that really made me think about the T7S gang and even though I want to focus so much on Jackie and Hyde and their romance, I feel like I would be doing such a disservice to the friendships in the show by not having them be actual friends in the story.

I’ve had a friend abandoned by her mother and she moved in with a bf and we all helped her (I had to teach her how to cook rice in a pot cuz her bf didn’t have a rice cooker and my mom made sure she knew she could come live with us if she got fed up with her bf’s family) and my family has opened their home to my friend and her family when they were in between homes. I’ve had to help friends through bad trips. We’ve all had our hearts broken. Some of us have dealt with being queer and learning about our own identities and the struggle with finding out who we really are. I found out my father wasn’t my biological father when I was 20 lol

And we all had each other during those moments. Just like how the T7S gang had each other. So I felt personally invested in making sure to elaborate on moments where they were hanging out and being friends to each other.

And I know. God that fic. Whenever I re-ead that fic I actually skip a lot and my last re-read of it made me feel like I couldn’t read it again just because it is way too biased. Like it completely absolves a certain character of everything and I kind of lost it when Brooke had to apologize to him in the fic....I feel like, you should definitely be able to criticize things that you love and that it doesn’t take away any love to recognize the bad with the good.

Like right now I have to show some bias against Kelso for the part of the story but I keep editing it so it’s not complete hate against him. It’s just for this part of the story he is well just being him which is unfortunately ugly and it has to be ugly until he can grow. But I feel guilty about it lol don’t hate me too much for what he has to go through first

Jackie and Donna. I have such a weak spot for them in my fic mostly because for the longest time I didn’t really have many girl friends. I was always too much of a boy, too weird, too ugly for the other girls so I didn’t have someone I was truly super close with until I was in like 8th grade. And there’s this sisterhood with Jackie and Donna that I wish they did better. Like ignoring s8 completely, there just could have been more. But the sweet moments we got were amazing. I just feel like the writers knew fuck all how to make the girls proper friends without feeling like they were losing the characters and how they were.

i will probably be introducing that ship in chapter 8. I’m just struggling wrapping up the last bit of chapter 7 aka the January 31st part. I’ve just been staring at page 56 and wondering if I’m doing it right.

[szopenhauer]

Whens the last time you ate bread? today

Do you attend school, college, or uni? no longer

If you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be? I already speak two so dunno if I can add three more or just one?

Where,in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? Ełk

Where wouldn’t you want to live? śląsk

Do you like sheer clothing? nah

Llamas or sheep? llamas

Can you iron? yes?

Can you work the washing machine? theoretically

Do you like your photo being taken? I don’t

Do you like taking photos of yourself? funny selfies

How many magazzines do you buy a month? 1 but my mom buys several

How many of them are car-related? none

What about fashion? maybe mom’s but it’s more possible that I’d buy fashion related mag than one about cars

Any celeb gossip ones? mom’s? I hate those

Are you excited to live on your own? I’d be :3

When do you plan on moving out? hopefully soon

What gives you confidence? when I need to protect someone, help someone weaker, want to make fun of myself to make someone smile or when I’m sure of my knowledge/experience/memory but I rarely am confident

Is there a habit you’re currently trying to kick? maybe

Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? not very

Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk? never been drunk

Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? not extremely

What do you wish you’d spent more time doing five years ago? eating?...

What is the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given? it’s not for me to judge

Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? umm...

What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? penis 

do you daydream?: less than I used to do you dream at night?: not every night but I do  when you’re sick, do you like to be pampered, or left alone?: depends who’s the better actor, jack nicholson or anthony hopkins?: Nicholson  if someone cries while watching a sad movie do you laugh at them?: wtf... I cry myself  how often do you change your sheets?: rarely, I hate fresh laundry, can’t sleep because of allergy even tho I use special detergents :( are you high maintenance?: not when it comes to money but I'm still a burden deliveryman at your door - who’s the package from?: shirt that I ordered :D do you wear socks with sandals?: I don’t wear sandals would you marry for money?: if I had to but don’t wanna would you vote for a woman president?: why not Are looks/appearances really important?: a little if someone lied to you and came clean is that forgivable?: depends Do you like Final Fantasy? Which one do you prefer of all?

Do you like Lady Gaga? I like some of her songs Don’t you hate when your foot falls asleep? with passion >.< Do you bless random people when they sneeze? sometimes I might Dark, milk or white chocolate? white or at least milk

Last thing you ate? sandwich Was today a good day? sigh... What are you listening to? russian musicians like Valery Meladze  What was the last movie you cried at? Five feet apart You’re getting drunk, what do you drink? but I don’t want to drink/get drunk What do you think of Justin Bieber? I hate him Is the closest saturday going to be a good one? today is Saturday and next one is gonna be the last day before hospital so very anxious Where were you when you last cried? home Would you be bothered if your boyfriend/girlfriend did drugs? I think so Last time you threw up from drinking? that never happened Would you rather get your tongue or lip pierced? lip Do you get sea sick? I didn’t but who knows Do you download music illegally? I don’t download music now at all Hugged anyone today? parents Do you drink every weekend? I don’t drink at all Do you have any scars? meh Have you ever cried at a book? few times only, movies make me cry way more often Would you ever get a tattoo on the inside of your lip? what for? Can you sleep in total darkness? I don’t like to FALL asleep in total darkness but sleep is fine Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and not get annoyed? there isn’t Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little?: it’s possible, I don’t recall XD but I stepped into the bathtub in tights at least once

Who was your best friend in 5th grade?: P.

What was the first Beanie Baby you ever got?: never had one? Can you keep a spoon on your nose?: doubt it What is your favorite farm animal?: chicken Do you lie to your parents in order to get your way?: I might exaggerate  Do you like to play Monopoly?: yup Have you ever stayed overnight in the hospital?: many times and will soon again What size bra do you wear?: *shrug* not sure, I buy what feels good enough on me but even if I knew that would be personal  Who was your favorite Sesame Street/Muppet character?: Oscar, Bert (I always say Bern or Bernie), Big bird, Elmo was pretty cool too

*I actually adore puppet shows like this

When was the last time you found yourself somewhere you didn’t want to be? May I ask where that place was? now, in my house because of ppl 

Do your eyes ever twitch? very rarely

When did you last offer to do something that you really didn’t want to do? this day

When did you last feel forced into something? I’m forced to live so...

Assuming you have any, is your hair soft today? assuming I have any lmfao

Who did you last worry about and why? besides myself - my father

Are you currently looking for a new place to live? I wish

Can you see any toys from where you’re sat? shitload

Have you ever been embarrased by something you’ve said or a noise you’ve made during sex or kissing? maybe

Who or what was the subject of the last photograph you took? auto-portrait

Do you eat your dinner at a dining table, coffee table or just off your lap? depends

When did you last see the sea? on a pic or irl? because if in real life then almost 20 years ago

Have you ever experienced contagious yawning? ppl yawning doesn’t make me wanna yawn  Can you handle movies involving lots of bugs and insects? not maggots and not dead bugs Were you ever a vampire for Halloween? yeah

Are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? my sister Do you keep scissors in your kitchen? If so, where? my mom does couple pairs but not always in the same place Is there a book store in walking distance? there isn’t, just library When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? camp? my parents? What is the funniest movie you’ve seen recently? I didn’t watch any funny movies lately, the last one was The princess bride that I decided to see in the last months

Is there any kind of design on your socks? stripes How long until you kiss someone again? at least 2-3 weeks Do you like being kissed on the neck? yes Do you accessorize your outfit? rarely

Describe your handwriting: ugly

Are you socially awkward? I am Where are both of your parents right at this moment? home like me Do you find yourself on Youtube a lot? yt is my background quite often  What was the last thing you scratched? my nose and neck Are you satisfied with your gender? not really Looks or personality? Which is more important to you? personality unless looks include gender then exclude all men How many times have you dyed your hair? 4 Do you hate when movies are split into two parts? yes and no? What is something that reminds you of your childhood? lots of stuff 

How did you meet your first crush? my first real female crush I met in high school, we had classes together

What is an anecdote that your family frequently tells about you as a child? there are many, personal If you could do anything with your hair what would you do? I don’t know *shrug* Can you remember how many people you’ve kissed? 1 person How open are you with your parents? very, 99% What is your favorite episode of your favorite show? can’t choose only one :o How did you learn about sex? biology classes mostly Describe your favorite outfit? leggings/pajama pants, T-shirt, hoodie or sweater, socks, slip on shoes, hat like a beanie for example and jacket if it’s cold

Do you have a sister that steals your things? she borrows things without asking at times and some she didn’t even give back or she ruined ‘em

Do you have dishes in your room? mug

Is anyone in your family artistic? would say so

When is the last time you watched a hockey game? never

What was your last dream about? yesterday I had a dream about having a group with Harley Quinn and today I forgot

What are you currently listening to? Susanne Sundfor

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? my sister’s bf or a stranger

Where did you last eat? living room

[websthetics]

I was feeling like trash yesterday and wanted to watch a garbage tv show so I ended up watching love is blind, a reality tv show abt ppl falling in love without seeing each other, and I cannot stop thinking about it

for all that this show is extremely heterosexual (there’s a “girls side” and a “boys side” and they date each other by going into pods and talking to each) it’s actually also incredibly gay?? Hear me out. It’s about people talking to each other, forming relationships on personality instead of sexual attraction. A lot of contemporary “straightness” comes with compulsory physical attraction (allonormativity) and this attempts to circumnavigate that to build a relationship in a different way (i.e. the way a demisexual/ace person would)

but also every time they call it an experiment i have to laugh. where is your control group? where’s your background research on this? lmfao there’s one guy who’s a “scientist” and he’s like “i have to see this experiment out”. at best this is a “case study” but let’s be fucking real it’s reality tv and the drama! is! manufactured!

but also when it comes to queer rep there is one guy who is bisexual (but is only named as such by his partner on the show #yikes) and like as much as I want my man carlton to find love, that relationship ends up falling apart but at least one gets to see a relationship ruined by internalized biphobia? #representation idk it’s not a great scene... like it’s obviously manufactured! drama! but they have him be misogynistic to his partner bc he’s afraid of her rejecting him for being bi and she’s like “i just wish you had been honest. you misled me blah blah blah” and like? is both biphobic but also i can see her point??? also the whole time the ways they’re mistreating each other feel like black stereotypes?? not a good look @ love is blind

(hoo boy i also binge watched next in fashion which is Great except there is one episode where I was definitely like... this is manufactured drama... and it’s also at the expense of black folks so like #yikes)

(this is television this is scripted You Can’t Fool ME)

But back to this show in general. Also there’s two women who choose not to have sex once they meet their partners irl and they’re never shamed for their choice. one of them is also like “I’m in love with you but not sexually attracted to you.” (my words, not hers) and it’s like idk.. validating. To see people have a diversity of reactions revolving around attraction and love

additionally it’s also like “oh! we’re not falling in love based on physical appearance!” but every one of these individuals is smokin’ hot and i have to laugh (also I am very very bisexual so it’s also delicious eye candy *drools*. (I’m also asexual?? IDK THIS IS FINE WHAT IS SEXUALITY EVEN)) (but I guess it’s bc they can’t have somebody meeting their person and being like “lol actually you’re ugly I can’t love you” bc that would SUCK. i guess that also means no disabled folks. it’s just like. you’re creating this show around a premise that is... not actually real for the situation you’ve manufactured.) (also it’s tv so it must needs have beautiful people *sighs*)

all in all i think it’s a very ace friendly show & I would hazard an aro friendly show for those who aren’t romo repulsed bc it’s not *forced relationships* (aka “where the fuck did that come from?”) but natural connections

Also I desperately want a spin off of this that’s just queer as fuck. like. Only bisexuals/pansexuals/polysexuals etc. There’s trans people and genderqueer people. Idk how to get around the “gendered sides” thing BUT FIGURE IT OUT PEOPLE I WANT A QUEER DATING REALITY TV SHOW (also. imagine. open polyamory???) (also they wouldn’t have to manufacture any drama bc that’s already the way queer ppl treat each other #yolo #yikes don’t hate me I’M RIGHT)

oh yeah that’s the other “queer thing” is that there’s a point where after they’re partnered the couples are hanging out and someone points out “yeah, we all dated each other” and THAT’s QUEER CULTURE BAYBEEE

also i can’t believe this show is being released weekly. This is netflix. don’t be cowards. upload the whole thing and let me bingewatch it. none of this “next week on *this show*” pphhhhhhbbtttttt. who do you think I am? a normal person who can normally be invested in a show on a weekly basis? I watched it. I intend to be obsessed about it for two days and then entirely forget about it. #adhdlyfe

also I must admit that I said when talking abt this to a friend... “I’m like the opposite of a romance repulsed aro...I’m a romance attracted aro.” and that is the most Leo Venus thing I’ve ever said in my life

[jeongjaehyuns]

ok since kellie posted her fancam i thought i’d finally stop being lazy and do the same too :’)

i mentioned this a little bit before but earlier this month, i was lucky enough to get tickets to see nct 127 at the apple music event in la and was able to see them perform! this was by far one of the most amazing and intimate experiences i’ve ever been able to be apart of and being able to see nct 127 doing what they do best together is something i’m going to cherish in my heart for a very long time! here is the link to the full playlist of all their performances!! 

underneath the cut will be a much more detailed and in depth account of everything that happened at the event if anyone is interested in reading more about it! ♡

ok hello if there are people who actually decided to keep reading thank u so much and buckle up bc u are in for a riiiiiiiiiide (ridin on that VAAaaaaAAAAan, KEEP dRIVINGGGggGGG) ok anyways! HERE WE GO!

[ ! ] btw the first part is just me talking about everything that happened before the concert so pls feel free to just skip to the last paragraph instead LOL

so when news came out that nct 127 was going to be coming back to the u.s. and perform on jimmy kimmel and that tickets were FREE, my friends and i hi kellie, hi tracey all tried to get some tickets for both the taping and the concert and was able to make it on the waitlist! i don’t live in california but both of my friends do so i told them that if any of us got confirmed tickets, i’d be flying over there for the weekend to attend the show! it’s kind of all a blur now bc the only thing i can remember within that week was stressing out so hard over tickets because the way the whole thing was set up was just SO STRESSFUL because despite being on the waitlist, there is no 100% guarantee that you’d get tickets and they start giving out tickets to people from within a week before the taping to the day of the actual event so really, it was just one massive waiting game. but a week went by and none of us saw any signs of getting tickets and flight ticket prices kept fluctuating for me so i just went ahead and booked my flight anyways without a confirmed ticket pls don’t ever do this omfg please please PLEASE don’t ever do this!!! and PRAYED that one of us would be able to get tickets ;; a few days went by and then nct kept releasing more news and how they’d be performing at mickey mouse’s 90th birthday celebration so tickets for that were also available too and once again, we made it on the waitlist!!! and played not one but now two (2) waiting games!!!! :-)))

honestly i rly don’t remember much that happened during this small time frame bc i was so stressed and anxious over these tickets that it rly took a toll on me physically and mentally LOL but yeah so on wednesday the 3rd, nct 127 posted on their instagram about how they’d be having a special performance partnered with apple music and i was about to start my math exam but the moment i read their post, i ran to the bathroom faster than i’ve ever ran before and of course, i requested tickets and made it on the waitlist again!!!! SO NOW IN TOTAL, IT WAS NOT ONE, BUT THREE (3) WAITING GAMES!!! GAMES THAT I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK OF PLAYING!!! anyways yeah so basically my friends and i made it onto all 3 waiting lists and at this point we really just wanted to be able to make it to at least one event ;;;

fast forward to friday, aka 1 day before mickey mouse and 3 days before kimmel and apple music and also the day my flight leaves for la!!! my friends and i all got a big fat no from mickey mouse saying they wouldn’t be able to accommodate our ticket requests bc they were full so we we re like ok!!! whatevs!!! we still have kimmel and apple to try for!!! so here i am… at the airport… getting ready to leave with no!!! confirmed!!! ticket!!! my flight was quite early in the morning so i was at the airport overnight and it was like around 11:30pm when i was doing homework and i got a notification on my phone… thinking it was just some random notification when in reality, I GOT MY CONFIRMED TICKET FOR THE APPLE MUSIC EVENT :’) it’s a blur to me bc it happened so fast and so suddenly but all i remember was that my jaw literally dropped for the longest time and my hands were shaking so badly bc i cOULDN’T BELIEVE IT??? i wasn’t able to sleep that entire night nor was i able to sleep on the plane from all the adrenaline so that saturday really was an interesting day for me LOL anywho i made it to la safe and sound and spent saturday and sunday hanging out with my friends while we prepared for monday :’)

ok so then despite getting tickets, we had no idea where the location of this event was going to be bc 1iota (the event organizer) wasn’t going to release the information until 10am monday morning and we were planning on waiting in line like early early to get a good spot so we had to be ready and out of the house by 9am!!! bUT WAIT!!! 9am was also when the english version of the mv was going to be released so me and kellie were both !!! bc we wanted to gif the mv so bad!!! so now at this point it’s like 7am and we’re all like half awake trying frantically to get ready and i’m over here trying to stream nct on the radio and listen to the world release of regular eng ver and then somewhere in between all of this, both kellie and tracey ended up getting their emails for confirmed tickets too??? so yeah at this point all three of us are running around like crazy ppl bc we weren’t expecting all of us to go but now all 3 of us get to go!!! so yeah i brought my laptop with me and tried to gif in the car but the connection from my hotspot was so slow so i just sat and cried instead :-) ALSO!!! remember how information about the location was supposed to be released at 10am? yeah well they changed it on us again!!! they delayed it to 2pm so at this point me and kellie rly wanted to d*e bc we did all of that rushing for nothing omfg but fast forward to 2pm, they released the information for the location and since we were already in the hollywood area we went there right away so when we lined up, we were like number 10 in line!!! :D

i wasn’t able to eat at all that entire day just bc i was so stressed and so nervous from everything that the hunger didn’t hit me til like 20 mins before the actual event omg ;;;; i remember saying “omg i’m so hungry” and the girl beside me was like “well sweetie, you’re about to be fed real good rn” and i just died laughing oh my god but yeah i had a priority ticket so i was let in around 7:30pm-ish and the event started at 8! i got barricade again just like last time at kcon ny, my view was reeeeeeally good!! ! i would say even better than kcon’s even tho i was front and center for kcon ;;; back when we were in line, the event organizers kept asking us how we were doing and each time i would tell them that i was super nervous and they’d ask why and i would explain that i just get super nervous before seeing nct omg it’s really true tho idk what it is but i just feel so QUEASY before seeing them… like the fact that you go from seeing them from your screen to seeing them in front of you is just a very STRANGE FEELING FOR ME OK but they kept repeating how we were all going to have a good time and that the space inside was super small so it’s going to be nice and intimate with them and they said how no matter what spot you get, you’re still going to be super close to them… one of the staff members was like “you’re going to be so close to them they’re going to sweat on you” AND GOD THIS JUST MADE ME EVEN MORE NERVOUS KASDJKSAJDKAJDKA

OK ANYWAYS ENOUGH OF THAT, ONTO THE ACTUAL CONCERT! when we got in, the event was actually on a rooftop and so the scenery behind the stage was just soooooo pretty and then they had a playlist of their songs playing in the bg and it was just really nice to listen and enjoy while we waited for them to come out :’) the members kept hiding behind this door and some of them started waving and they were all teasing us so hard bc the moment we saw someone there, we would all start screaming and they just wouldn’t stop :’) then they finally played the apple music documentary video for us and i just remember all of us screaming a lot LOL but then the lights went off again and then we all watched them walk onto the stage one by one and oh my GOD the wait for them to finally start just felt like forever and then next thing i know, the sirens went off and all i hear is “GET IT LIFTED” and then firetruck started omg i was trying to get jaehyun’s attention but then mr. nakamoto yuta… YUTA… looked over on our side and me and him made eye contact for a good solid 3 seconds and i just about lost my shit omg… HE IS SO INSANELY GORGEOUS IN REAL LIFE I WAS RLY GOIN THRU IT… JAEHYUN WHO??? AND THEN HAECHAN OMG… haechan came over to our side like 75% of the time and he is the cutest, most adorable person on this planet!!! he was always smiling and waving and i really can’t think of anything else to describe him other than the sun bc he quite literally was shining that night!!! i think it was halfway through firetruck that we started to realize that the stage was like… a little slippery??? but it wasn’t until limitless started where we really noticed the members starting to slip and stumble here and there ;; also there’s this one part where jaehyun went up super close to me during limitless and i about died… i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again but even after seeing him irl, HE IS SO HANDSOME IT’S UNREAL… HIS VISUALS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD but yeah the staff members would go on stage after each song to try their best to dry the stage but for some reason that wasn’t enough ;; i have no idea why the stage was so slippery but my guess was that it was pretty cool up on the rooftop and with the amount of people there, there was so much body heat in the air and then that mixed with the cool air = condensation??? i also think the shoes the members were wearing had like absolutely no friction at the bottom so it made them slip even more ;; they were also using a fog machine too but idk if that was actually the reason why the stage was so slipper omg but yeah after firetruck, they performed limitless and then they had a small ment here and mark talked about how it was a very special day for them (bc they just came straight from performing at jimmy kimmel too) and then johnny screamed something along the words of being apple music’s next up next artist and he was just so happy!!!! and then mark said that they’ve got october all to themselves and they were so happy to be able to be here with all of the fans! jaehyun also said that the place was so wonderful and said all the fans there were so wonderful and johnny came in to say that they had rehearsals the night before but being there with all the fans, it was a totally different feeling ;~; after that they performed touch and then when it came to cherry bomb (OT10 VER WITH JUNGWOO BTW), this was when things started to look a little :/// bc taeyong had already fell back during touch and at this point i was already beyond worried bc i would rather have them stop the whole thing all together rather than have them risk getting injured just to perform for us??? i shouted so many times to “be careful” in both korean and english T________T IT WAS LIKE THE DREAM CONCERT ALL OVER AGAIN WHEN THEY PERFORMED IN THE RAIN not to mention they had comeback promotions to do once they back to korea too so i rly just wanted them to stop ;;; i also think the members were all starting to get a little discouraged from all the slipping and stumbling during each performance and it kinda just looked like they were all really sad that they couldn’t put on a perfect performance ;; at this point the stage was soooooo slippery and i think they were more focused on not falling rather than performing and my heart rly just was in pieces ;;; taeyong fell again in cherry bomb during the leg split dance and it looked so painful oh my god i was just so WORRIED and i wanted it all to stop so bad ;~; but after cherry bomb ended, i think the members went back down to talk to the staff and then they came back up with different shoes! but finally!!! alas, they performed regular!!! since they switched shoes, the performance went pretty smoothly so i felt a little at ease! taeil, doyoung and mark were still wearing their original shoes so there were a few times when they slipped a little but thank god none of them actually fell ;; despite the song being a released earlier that morning, a lot of the fans did really well in learning the fanchants and singing along with the boys so i think it really helped in boosting the members’ confidence after the prior performances ;; there was a small ment here and doyoung talked and johnny translated it saying how basically the members felt really apologetic that they couldn’t put on good performances bc of the slippery stage and i was yelling with all the energy i had left in my that it was ok!!! that they were doing amazing and that they shouldn’t feel sorry!!! IT WAS KILLING ME INSIDE THAT THEY FELT THIS ASKDJKASDJAKJSDKD I WANTED TO ACTUALLY D*E but then they promised they’d come back to show an even better performance and doyoung held up his lil pinky!!! and then johnny asked how taeyong was doing and he answered back “i’m okay!!!” IN THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE… I JUST WANTED TO GIVE HIM ONE BIG FAT HUG T________________T and then taeyong said the last mission they had left was to take a picture with the fans and took out the selfie stick to take a picture with everyone! it was so cute TwT 

but yeah, overall the whole experience was really really amazing minus the slippery stage and for the most part, i was really impressed with how organized 1iota was! i’m really grateful i got to be apart of it and it still feels like a dream that i got to attend the event and see them perform and promote their new album here in america!!! they were amazing performers and did so well despite everything! i was really really proud of them ;; anyways, thank you to everyone that made it this far!!! i hope you enjoyed this fan account! i know it’s a super long post but if i don’t write it all out now while it’s still somewhat fresh in my mind, i’m going to forget it by the end of the month so i hope you all understand! thank you so much! ♡

[sugawaras]

Banana Fish, Kimetsu no Yaiba, Haikyuu ofc so do what you want or all c:

tyyy!! id love to do all 3 haha 

banana fish:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation 

fav characters: eiji, ash, singleast fav characters: golzine fav relationship: asheijifav moment: hmm i love the scene in the beginning where eiji pole vaults over the wall to get ash help like that was so badass, and also that scene in the museum where ash totally goes beast mode against some guys golzine sent after him (also a super badass scene haha) headcanons/theories: my fav hc is that a certain character (*no spoilers*) lives and him and eiji move to japan and live happily ever after with a dog and a bunch of adopted kids :’)unpopular opinion: idk if this counts but when I was reading the manga epilogue I was getting very romancey vibes from sing and eiji? and I kinda like the idea of them getting together after everything that happened, esp bc I think itd be hard for anyone except for sing to understand what eiji went through :( asheiji forever ofc but in the canon universe I can kinda see sing/eiji in the futurehow’d you find it: I think I just heard about it being an airing summer anime and it sounded p interesting so I decided to watch it! and the name definitely caught my intention LOLrandom thoughts: it was really good!! the ending definitely wrecked my soul and I was like shocked for days sdfhhdfsh but besides that, theres a lot of good action, character development, etc.! theres also a TON of trigger warnings that could apply tho (ex. sexual abuse, violence) but overall I rlly enjoyed it!! 

(haikyuu and kny are under the read more!)

haikyuu:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation 

fav characters: hinata, suga, tendou to name a few, but honestly every character is a fave!!least fav characters: none?? I didn't really like washijou in the anime (including the ball boy arc) but hes gone through so much development in the manga I have no choice but to stan shhfsdfav relationship: kagehina!fav moment: omg theres so many, but to name a few: when hinata and kageyama finally get their new quick right at the training camp, yamaguchi’s serves in the 2nd seijou match, tsukki’s block against ushijima, nishinoya’s foot save against datekou, and the list goes on and on sfhdhfsdheadcanons/theories: I love the idea that haikyuu will end (well I hate the idea of it ending BUT) with kagehina at the 2020 Olympics on the japan national team playing together again, and some random kid sees hinata on the tv and the kid gets inspired to play vball bc of him just like how hinata started :’) ALSO manga spoilers but I saw this theory that udai tenma is like furudate’s self-insert and that that’s how he actually looks irl (which makes sense bc furudate based hq off his own hs vball experience AND tenma ends up becoming a mangaka soo...hmmm...)unpopular opinion: idk if I have any tbh! but (manga spoilers again) when the timeskip happened I saw a lot of ppl were really upset about it, and I was kinda sad we didn't get to see them as 3rd years, but I was actually so excited for the beach arc?? like holy crap it was such a plot twist and im so happy furudate took this direction, bc I honestly do think itd be kinda repetitive to see them go through second and third year and having to introduce tons of new characters would be a bit much :( how’d you find it: I had just finished watching yoi and I was like “ok im not gonna become obsessed w anime buuuut maybe ill just try another sports anime” and then i saw haikyuu and I was like “why not lol” and that was when I first started watching it!random thoughts: haikyuu is honestly my all-time fave!!! like it literally inspired me to start playing vball and hinata is such a great protagonist and its literally a work of art and actually super accurate and realistic gameplay (mostly, the quick attack is kinda out there BUT STILL) and yeah this show is just so dear to my heart :’))

kny:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation (honestly I feel like almost anyone could get into kny)  

fav characters: inosuke, tanjirou, kanrojileast fav characters: muzan but even he;s rlly complex and fav relationship: shinazugawa/Tomioka and kanroji/iguro! (also zenitsu/tanjirou/inosuke/nezuko are squad goals haha)                                          fav moment: literally any fight scene fshfhsf, like theyre all so well animated and the demon backstories are so sad omg                                      headcanons/theories: sabito was tomioka's first love and the one that got away :’( but he ends up falling in love w shinazugawa and they help each other through the grief of losing their loved ones                                              unpopular opinion: none in particular!

how’d you find it: id heard a ton of good reviews about it, but I put off watching it mainly bc of school and whatnot, but then winter break came and I had a ton of free time and I ended up bingewatching it lmao random thoughts: ok kny gives me serious hxh chimera arc vibes?? i mean personally i would consider it a lot less tragic but the demon backstories are kinda like the ants and the invincible nature of muzan vs. meruem, and also tanjirou willing to die for nezuko being similar to killua and gon ...much to think about ssfshhf

[triumviratuse-blog]

honestly, i want nothing more than to be a psychiatrist focusing on lgbt+ youth and use my own experiences, my own life, to help those who so desperately need someone--to be the person i needed when i was in my teens and struggling with my crisis of faith and sexuality. there's an intersectionality between religion and lgbt+ ppl that isn't often discussed bc they are almost always seen as being opposite of each other (which is ridiculous???). but religious lgbt+ ppl exist and i know first-hand how alienating and isolating it can be. even now, i still don't know any christians irl who are lgbt+, the church i go to is not affirming, and while i wish i could go to an affirming/lgbt+ friendly church, there are none in my vicinity (thanks, "bible-belt"), and i struggle to keep my equilibrium in a household that while most certainly loves me, would not be able to accept me for who i am, a bi woman. 

still, if i can even be even the only person who affirms someone who is struggling w/ their identity, can show them that God loves unconditionally, loves you for who you are, and has done so even when you were nothing but the star-laden leftovers of the big bang, i’d be at peace with myself. i know i’ve still got a lot of learning and growing to do still, but at least i’m always trying to better myself every day. 

 in a similar vein, i'd also love to be able to host at-home bible studies and teach the gospel and really grow as a christian and give most of my earnings to lgbt+ charities and the like. i'd want to adopt 2-3 kids (or a # that i could 100% support financially) and give them all the love i can. and of course, having a spouse would be nice, but i’ll let that happen in due time... OH, AND A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS!! that would be my ideal family: loud, big, but happy too!!

[jebsplayshss]

RULES: ANSWER THESE 92 STATEMENTS AND TAG 20 PEOPLE.

i will never make it to 20 ppl but UHMMMMMM thank u @principal-mc for the tag urs was rly fun to read!!! so yes let’s jump into this LOL

THE LAST:

1. Drink: pineapple green tea boba 2. Phone call: a j-job interview 3. Text message: dnd group LMAO 4. Song you listened to: afterglow // teenage wrist 5. Time you cried: last week cuz i was catching up to bnha manga and i love all might

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: LMAO i’ve never dated 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: nah 9. Lost someone special: yah 10. Been depressed:  Yah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: DSJFKDSJFS YEAH..........

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. yellow!!! all shades of yellow!!!! i love yellow!! 13. blue!! also all shades of blue!!!!!!! 14. green!!!! all shades!!!! it’s so fresh!!!!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yah!! 16. Fallen out of love: nah 17. Laughed until you cried: YAH 18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh yes and it was HILARIOUS 19. Met someone who changed you: i think every1 i’ve ever met has changed me and i’m grateful for it no matter if it was good or bad tbh 20. Found out who your friends are: yes but i want it on record i love everyone i’ve ever been friends with even if in the end they sucked 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: n-no?

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of em i think!!! a couple of internet friends, but fb is reserved for irl friends LMAO 23. Do you have any pets: i have two doggos and two cats and an aquarium!!! i love all my pets qq 24. Do you want to change your name: eh 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: we went out for sushi!!! 26. What time did you wake up: around 11am sdgfdsgdfs 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: drawing LMAO 28. Name something you can’t wait for: i’m literally excited for each new day!!! every day is full of possibilities and even tho i may spend a lot of those days sittin at home drawing ocs at least i can be excited abt it!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: mayhaps five minutes ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i think i’m v go w/ the flow and look at things brightly so: i wouldn’t rly change things! but if i could, i think life would be easier on me if i wasn’t diagnosed w diabetes ;v; 31. What are you listening right now: your deep rest // the hotelier 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i almost said no but i DO know a thomas and that’s damn close enough 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: (i’m too pleasant i can’t think of anything i’m rly pissed abt right now haha) 34. Most visited Website: twitter i think :”o 35. Mole/s: i have a couple of moles on my face & left elbow ye ye 36. Mark/s: i have stretch marks and cat scratches hAHA.... i think a lot of the scars i have are like, cat inflicted, and the few times i’ve hurt myself either doing sculpture or cooking LMFAO.. 37. Childhood dream: UHHH i wanted to be a fashion designer!! deep down i’d still like to do that hehe 38. Hair color: black!! 39. Long or short hair: it’s getting long!! i used to do a 1920s bob cut to my hair a lot but i’ve liked growing it out ;o; it’s past my shoulders now!!! 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope lol 41. What do you like about yourself: oh!!!! i used to hate myself a whole lot, but now i can say w confidence that: i like me. i like everything about me. i like that part of me that learned to like myself best. <3 42. Piercings: just ear piercings!! my mom got em done when i was a few months old ;v; 43. Blood type: i am 90% sure i’m O negative 44. Nickname: AJ!!! Jebs!!! Mando!!! 45. Relationship status: single and not caring LEL 46. Zodiac: taurus sun! cancer moon! taurus rising! 47. Pronouns: she/her, they/them! :> 48. Favorite TV Show/s: warehouse 13, dark matter, power rangers, kamen rider, sense8, friends, parks & rec, age of youth, the x files, atelier 49. Tattoos: none but i want one qq 50. Right or left hand: righty!!  51. Surgery: nopeee 52. Hair dyed in different color: i bleached my hair once in like.... 8th/9th grade.... we do not. speak of that, ever 53. Sport: i love sports but i don’t play on teams anymore haha x_x!!! i used to do basketball and karate!!! i like hiking, badminton, and bowling, too!!! i think i love hiking the most tho i don’t think it’s rly a sport LMAO 55. Vacation: i like roadtrips!!! i like traveling in general!!!!! it’s fun to explore and see the world around us and meet people and experience things!!! 56. Pair of trainers: i have reeboks & vans isos......! i like my vans best tho LMAOO they’re stylish and comfortable for walks

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i last ate ginisang ampalaya w/ mango & bagoong ;w; 58. Drinking: rn i’m chugging water LMAO 59. I’m about to: d-drawwwwwwww 61. Waiting for: sleep qq 62. Want: g-gas money 63. Get married: nahhhh 64. Career: graphic design or journalism qq 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs ;o; 66. Lips or eyes: eyes!! 67. Shorter or taller: i’m rly tall s-so i don’t have a preference either way actually ;v; 68. Older or younger: eh 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: ah... i think i like arms best qq 71. Sensitive or loud: haha....... i dunno.......... i suppose someone who meshes w/ my personality well......... tho i suppose i’d like someone more extroverted ;v; 72. Hook up or relationship: i!!! dunno. i don’t think i rly mind or care HAHA 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: there is nothing wrong with a lil bit of rebellion

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nah but that sounds fun 75. Drank hard liquor: yah 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i stopped wearing contacts cuz i lost them all the time ashdjfjdsfds 77. Turned someone down: yah and mostly it’s been pleasant 78. Sex in the first date: nope but i am.... unopposed...... wow i sound like a Freak zamn 79. Broken someone’s heart: GOD I HOPE NOT THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE 80. Had your heart broken: y-ya but not in the way u think ;o; 81. Been arrested: nope i’m CLEAN and absolutely did not just talk abt underage drinking officer 82. Cried when someone died: yea........... 83. Fallen for a friend: nope and thank God

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: yes!!! i am a bright and wonderful person and i’m capable of anything i put my mind to!!!!!!! 85. Miracles: yah cuz idk how i passed math 86. Love at first sight: me w/ food 87. Santa Claus: i cannot confirm nor deny his existence. santa claus is the ultimate cryptid 88. Kiss on the first date: why not lmaoooo 89. Angels: yah

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: NOOO i have too many beloved best friends 91. Eyecolor: brown HAHA....... 92. Favorite movie: i can’t pick one so here’s a top 10 list: the fifth element, amelie, moonrise kingdom, kiki’s delivery service, princess and the frog, treasure planet, suspiria, how to steal a million, practical magic, & under the tuscan sun

i’d have put more wes anderson movies but...... i truly like moonrise kingdom best.... this is what happens when ur a film hoe u can’t keep urself to one movie cuz i wanna talk abt all of them bye

TAGGING: @pixelberry-pippa @pixelberrygardens @diamondsaregold @hollyashton @maxwellbaemont @jakesmckenzies @stormholt @thedarknessoftheendlesshss @hermiethefrog @quinn-kelly @i-am-a-fandom-hoe @zigsexual @playhwu-hss @annelysesadair @quinnskelly @punexpectedly @protect-drake @joyfulchoices @elenasanchez @hssuser OHO I DID IT NICE HAVE FUN ALSO U DON’T HAVE TO BUT Y A H

[pennyangelaa]

I'm only saying this bc I can relate to you. I've never been able to connect to anyone. I also have the worst anxiety and depression. Right now as I type this even I feel too depressed to move, and I'm physically getting sick. It sucks. But I would suggest to not tend to much to your internet persona. Get in touch with your real self. I've been in that same place before. Deactivate it for awhile. Go on a day trip by yourself and just sit in silence and think. Undocumented. And breathe. It helps.

Lol. Hmmm this comes off kinda back handed complimentishhhh. If there is one person that doesn’t have an* internet persona* it is me. I don’t filter out the bad. I display it. And nor is anything I do not “the real me” Noah fence. But I don’t think a stranger can tell me I need to know my true self if they don’t know me at all. I’m sure your intent wasn’t malicious! And my response isn’t meant to attack. But kinda wanted to set that straight. As for why I document my life so often is because this is literally the ONLY interaction with humans I get. I’m a big loner /hermit irl. My best friends who I talk to all the time live in NY and WV and my newest closest friend, Caylie lives in Atlanta. I have about 2-3 girls in LA who I speak to, but even them I haven’t seen that much. I don’t have many ppl to talk to. This helps my depression Bc at least I’m talking. If not I’m in my head all day and sad to why I’m alone. And none of my ride or die friends live close. moving to LA has been a great but lonely experience. This is my only connection to the outside world because without it I’m just looking in, and not a part of it. And there are a lot of things I don’t document. But I like to see my life and be able to watch it. To be able to see Myself and how I’m coming across. To be able to look back next year at old posts and see who I was at this time isn’t the same as who I will be this time 2018. I like to dissect myself and this is a way to do so. I would love to go for a nice nature outing! That sounds like a great idea. Again, I hope my response doesn't come off defensive Bc I know it's hard to tell someone's tone via internet! XOXO

[jinwoostro-archive]

70 questions tag

I was tagged by @puppycat-eyes a meme-loving child who gives me too much shit for what i did to rocky :)))

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents? ??? parents?? don’t know them 2. who did you last say “i love you" to? @mystic-astro-trash

3. do you regret anything? taking biology

4. are you insecure? yes, hella, so much

5. what’s your relationship status? Have been single since the day I was born

6. how do you want to die? i wanna see jinjin irl and for him to smile at me

7. what did you last eat? PANCAKES!!

8. played any sports? I used to do gymnastics when I was a kid, then I did athletics and more recently I did taekwondo

9. do you bite your nails? i have other habits so nah I don’t bite em

10. when was your last physical fight? not really a physical fight but i did get punched by a stranger oh and I had to beat up my sister in taekwondo

11. do you like someone? Y es fuck u philippe 

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours? it’s a mistake..don’t do it

13. do you hate anyone at the moment? I don’t want to but yes

14. do you miss someone? does jinjin count?

15. have any pets? No

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment? my eyes are puffy and i wanna cry but other than that im fantastic

17. ever made out in the bathroom? n o p e

18. are you scared of spiders? YES SO MUCH SPIDERS ARE SO FREAKING SCARY  i cried so much when my mum brought in a spider to my room ok I still haven’t recovered

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Maybe 10 years ago, and become the smaller me but with my adult memories in tact

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? Have i ever??

21. what are your plans for this weekend? dying

22. do you want to have kids? how many? None of my own but I want to adopt at least 2 kids

23. do you have piercings? how many? 2 piercings on both ears

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)? maths and chem and drama

25. do you miss anyone from your past? THERE ARE A FEW GIRLS FROM MY OLD SCHOOL WHO I WANNA TALK TO AND WE’RE MUTUALS BUT IT’S AWKWARD BC WE NEVER INTERACT URHHJ

26. what are you craving right now? jinken

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart? ??id hope not?

28. have you ever been cheated on? yes.... in monopoly 

29. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? ask me if I’ve ever dated

30. what’s irritating you right now? my family ://

31. does somebody love you? ??? who knows??

32. what is your favourite color? Pastelly purple pink and green

33. do you have trust issues? I trust too easily

34. who/what was your last dream about? there was a cloud in astro’s dorm and i popped out of it and was then adopted by them

35. who was the last person you cried in front of? Unfortunately my whole family ://

36. do you give out second chances too easily? YEs

37. is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive

38. is this year the best year of your life? so far? yeah it is

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss? ask me again in a few years

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked? i have no idea

51. favourite food? RAMEN

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yup!!

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? write the finale hehehe

54. is cheating ever okay? never

55. are you mean? a lot of people call me mean and im just?? what have i done?? i get anxious over saying the wrong thing daily

56. how many people have you fist fought? 79 every day

57. do you believe in true love? The people who do get to experience it are lucky

58. favourite weather? WHEN ITS SLIGHTLY WARM AND THE SUN IS SHINING BUT NOT TOO MUCH AND THERE’S A SLIGHT BREEZE AND YOU CAN GO OUT WEARING JEANS AND A THING BLOUSE AND EVERYTHING FEELS PERFECT

59. do you like the snow? i love it but it makes me cry

60. do you wanna get married? i wanna say yes but at the same time im terrified bc there are so many things that can go wrong with it But i’ve planned that I dont wanna get married to a guy

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? I used to not like it but i would love it now??

62. what makes you happy? -astro -everyone reading this -making ppl cry with my fics

63. would you change your name? Nah im happy with it

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? w h o  h a v e  i  k i s s ed 

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? think about it for a few days before giving them an answer

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? ok so my parents are completely paranoid and im only allowed to have friends who are girls but my guy friends on tumblr? then i’d say @deersovereign

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? look above ^^

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my friend Kits, we have a deep convo every day it’s ridiculous

69. do you believe in soulmates? Who knows...there might be some out there...

70. is there anyone you would die for? everyone, the real lanna never gives up a chance to die

not tagging anyone but if u read this then u can do it