#and then one day when i'm 34 i'm sure i'll think the same thing about me now

[bugmistake]

sometimes its so crazy to realize that there's actually a lot of things i like. that i thought i didn't like because i was a depressed teenager. i love being outside! i love swimming! i love talking to people! even strangers sometimes! i love getting dressed in fun outfits and doing makeup! i love reading and going to art museums! i just thought i was doomed forever to a life of complete and total apathy and void! and now look at me! still a little shaky but i'm doing it!!!!!

[balkanradfem]

So my roommate flopped. She moved her things in, and then I haven't seen her for a week. She didn't contact me either. I figured something went wrong, and that she's probably not going to live here, and then she called me, telling me she's moving out. Turns out that day after she moved in, she got fired, because she was an extra to the company, and she has to move back home with her parents.

I wasn't too upset because I did not enjoy her company at all, but, I did have to go back to searching for a roommate. The plant lady helped me this time, and she found a woman who needed to house an immigrant worker who worked for her – a woman from Nepal. I immediately said yes to this, because that is too cool, I would get to talk to her in english! And I would learn something about a foreign culture, I love that. Her employer came to see the place, and did not give me a good vibe. She asked if heating could be turned off to save on bills. I shut that down quickly, our heating is charged by the square meter. She told me very sternly to save as much as possible on utilities, which I already do, but then to also tell her employee to save up too. I didn't like that.

She came to move in the next day, and I was nervous. But then I saw her and she is so sweet! She struggles to speak english, but could understand what I was saying very well. So while she knew exactly what I was saying, I had to ask her to repeat things to me multiple times, sometimes missing the meaning because I couldn't grasp her accent. She asked me if I could teach her Croatian, and I said yes.

I took her to her workplace to show her the quickest route, and she told me that she has a working husband and two children, so she's working in here and sending her salary back home. Her mother is taking care of the kids because they're both working. She kept asking me if I'm married, or have a boyfriend, or children, and why not, and I could not put any nuance in my explanations, so I just said I liked freedom.

Then she asked me what age I was, and I already knew that we're the same age, because her employer told me she's 34 as well, but she didn't know my age, and was shocked when I said 34! She thought... she thought I was 17 T_T. It must be cultural differences because I do not look like a teen, I swear. I was wearing a silly hat, I think that must have done it.

I was showing her how to use everything in the kitchen and bathroom, and realized it's almost time for winter decorations; so I asked her what winter holidays she celebrated. She didn't know how to answer that, so I asked her if she celebrated hindu holidays, because I had read that 80% of Nepali people practiced hinduism. And she goes 'No, I'm Christian', and I'm like WHAT. What were the odds of that? So then I had to explain to her that I am the one out of two of us who doesn't celebrate Christmas, which is so funny, and ironic, but it's where we are. I'll put up a little tree anyway, I'll just say it's for the Winter Solstice.

I'm pleased with my new roommate. I made sure to learn to say her real name – she uses a simple made-up name because most Croats struggle to pronounce the real one. I'm constantly worrying she doesn't have all she needs so I am giving her gloves and clothing and letting her use my stuff until she has her own, but it's also fun for me to be able to interact with someone who came from so far away. All my experiences with foreign women are so nice! 

[amalythea]

moonstruck ; birthday event !

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As a way to celebrate me being old and a way for me to get back into writing I decided to host an event! I wrote these prompts like a year ago back on @soleillunne with the help of @starrveill (i love you)

This is a request based event, if you have an idea in mind send me an ask with a prompt, a genre (optional) and a character of your choice.

You can send in as many asks as you want, but only one prompt and character per ask is allowed. So you can ask the same prompt for different characters with multiple asks.

I will delete any request that's against my rules and just make me uncomfortable in general. If you have any questions about the characters I write for please don't hesitate to ask.

I will tag this post and each post related to this one with "moonstruck!", and the event will get its own masterlist. I don't know when I will close the event, but I will announce when I do.

Below are the prompts, go crazy (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

1. “don't smile at me like that!”

2. “may i have this dance?” “well, if you insist.”

3. “stop moving, i'm almost done!”

4. “well, if i tell you it wouldn't be a secret.”

5. “the moon is beautiful, isn't it?”

6. “i wouldn't wanna fight you. you're pretty feisty.”

7. “your eyes are always on them.” “…are they? I haven’t noticed.”

8. “do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

9. “are you sure you're okay? your face seems a little red.”

10. “...on the bright side, we'll know how not to cook next time.”

11. “you're my favorite person.”

12. “close the curtains! my eyes are burning!” “don’t you think you’ve slept in long enough, you little vampire?”

13. “here.” ”what are you doing?” “giving you my jacket. cover yourself up, people are staring.” (bonus: “…are you sure you’re not the one staring?”)

14. “how… do you understand my feelings so well?” “…because i’d been in your place once”

15. “i love you. now say it back.” “please— stop talking, save it till we get you help—” “say it back—” “i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you so fucking much, please don’t leave me—”

16. “dont miss me too much, okay?”

17. “tell me what i can do for you.” “stay.”

18. “wait! don't go... not yet.”

19. “i swear to you, that as long as I’m alive I won’t let a single soul ever harm you.”

20. “how do you make the pain go away?”

21. “you feel like home to me.”

22. “it's okay to cry, you know.”

23. “you're acting like my mom.” “shut up and let me take care of you.”

24. “i'm never leaving you. you're stuck with me.”

25. “in your darkest moments, I'll be your guiding light.”

30. “you're exhausted, honey.”

31. “can i have another blanket?” “do you really think that’s a good idea, love?”

32. “come over here; let me patch you up.”

33. “how do you do it?” “do what?” “make me feel alive.”

34. “i have no idea how i got through my days before i met you.”

35. “what do you feel when you're with me?” “when i'm with you... i feel at peace.”

36. “you lied to me. was i just a pawn in your game? the easiest one you can discard?”

37. “you make me feel so alone.”

38. “i don't know what to do without you.”

39. “make sure it kills me.”

40. “i love you, until the end of the world.”

41. “you had your chance.”

42. “wait for me, will you?”

43. “i don't want to go.”

44. “i'm sorry, have we met before?”

45. “it's okay, you can let go.”

46. “i can't help but wonder if you ever truly loved me.”

47. “given your history, i should have known better.”

48. “you made a promise.”

49. “in the end, I was just a stepping stone in your path to success, wasn't I?”

50. “i can't trust you anymore, not after what you did.”

51. “…please don’t come any closer.” “why not?” “i don’t want to hurt you.” “who said you would?”

52. “people always leave, so why should it be any different now?” “what if i told you that i never planned on leaving? not now, not ever?”

53. “the only thing that makes every ounce of pain worth enduring is you.”

54. “i love you too much to stay away, and I wouldn't wish for anything less than to spend an eternity by your side.”

55. “the day i lose you is the day that i lose everything.”

56. “please don't go... i love you.” “...i wish i could believe that.”

57. “i'm sorry. you deserve so much more than this, and i can't even give you that, no matter how much i want to.”

58. “do you know the difference between history and you?” “what?” “history is the past, but you’re my future.” “…oh my god.”

59. “now remember, you don’t need to apologize for things you aren’t responsible for, okay?” “okay! i’m sorry!” “…i literally just said not to apologize.” “sorry..” “damn it. we’re gonna have to work on that a bit more.”

60. “i’m sure the feeling won’t last, but let me hold onto you a little bit longer before i go.”

Bonus: send me a prompt/lyrics of your choice!

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moonstruck — unable to think or act normally, especially as a result of being in love.

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@amalythea 2024. | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

[mendessi]

dreamland | j.m

pairing: pre+post-outbreak!jolemiller x fem!reader summary: you're dog sitting for your aunt for a couple of weeks who happens to live across the street from a handsome man and his daughter warnings: reader is 24 & joel is 34, slow burn-ish, ill post more as i think, this first chapter is tame,dad!joel, let me know at any time if you think of any, word count: 4k a/n: this will be multiple parts following reader and joel's relationship from pre to post outbreak one | two | three | ... MINORS DNI

june 2002

Summer was always your favorite season. While many made a fuss of the Texas heat, it was something you didn't mind. Summer meant barbecues and days at the lake, spending time with your dad and sister.

"Your Aunt Delilah is going to Europe for the month of June and wants to know if you'd be able to dog sit for her." He asked you one day after hanging up the phone with his sister.

"Pickle would come here or I would go to Austin?" You perked up on the couch. There was no city in Texas that you loved more than Austin, especially when you got to stay in your aunt's cozy home. The city was vibrant and full of life. It's why you chose to go to school there in the first place. Yeah, yeah, the biochem degree you were after was well worth it too. Despite your aunt living there, you'd find any reason to go back to Austin whether school was in session or not.

"You'd go to Pickle." He said. "Her regular sitter is out of town too, so she'd figured you might wanna go."

"She'd figure right." You said standing up from your hole in the couch that had been home for the past several hours. It was a surprise you hadn't molded into it.

"You'd head down Friday, if that's alright with you." He told you and you gave him a thumbs up as you trekked up the stairs. "I'll let her know!"

Thank god you had barely unpacked after returning home from college even though it had been a couple of weeks since you got home. You were still trying to process that this was the last time you'd be coming home from college since you had just graduated. Procrastinating was one thing you were great at that's for sure. The idea of going back to Austin for a month was exciting because again, you loved the city. Visiting your aunt during the summers and for holidays as a kid is what made you fall in love with the city in the first place. Your fate was sealed after your dad and aunt took you to a UT vs A&M game when you were eight years old. Going to games at least once a year with the both of them and your sister had become a tradition of sorts and even more so once you were accepted to attend. Now that you lived there, going to games was a common occasion and your dad would join you on the weekends he was off.

When Friday rolled around you said goodbye to your dad and sister even though they agreed they'd come down to Austin in a couple of weeks to go the lake. The drive was only three hours and it was one you were used to making during the holidays and some weekends to visit home.

Pickle was a golden retriever that despite his old age still had a lot of energy. You had been the one to name Pickle when you were thirteen years old because you had been there when your aunt picked him from the shelter. Pickle was only a puppy that had been dumped on the side of the road and now he was a chubby ten year old boy that somehow still had the same energy as when he was small. He greeted you by clumsily running down the steps as fast as his old bones would let him and wiggled his butt as you bent down to pet him. This dog was your most favorite part about visiting your aunt's.

"You are a literal life saver." Delilah was not far behind Pickle as she engulfed you into a hug.

"Anything for my favorite aunt." You replied, smiling as she squeezed you a bit tighter.

"I'm your only aunt." Delilah may as well have been your mother. She was the only maternal figure you had in your life despite her not having any kids of your own. She was the epitome of "hot, fun aunt you only see at Christmas" but she was almost as present as your own father was. She kind of made you want to be the hot, fun aunt you only see at Christmas to your sister's future kids.

You spent the evening helping your aunt with some last minute packing and then spent dinner over her living room coffee table with a plethora of food from your favorite Asian spot in town.

"I wish I could come with. Texas is so boring." You sighed leaning against the couch, glancing over at the TV that neither of you were paying attention to.

"You love it here." She nudged your shoulder.

"I love it here when my aunt is here and my friends from college didn't all leave after graduation." God you had never felt so full in your life. You definitely had eaten too much but it wasn't something you'd regret in the slightest.

"You'll be just fine." Her hand cupped your face and you leaned into her touch.

The next morning you dropped her off at the airport and then went back home to take a short nap. When you woke up you decided that it was a beautiful, hot day outside and a day at the lake with Pickle sounded nice. It was likely many of your days in Austin would be spent with Pickle by some sort of body of water.

You laughed for a moment at his name, wondering what in the world prompted you as a twelve year old to name this sweet dog Pickle and why in the world Delilah allowed it.

"Should we go down to the lake, buddy?" Rubbing behind his ears, you helped the fat dog step into his harness. After packing your bag with a towel, sunblock and some snacks and water for both you and him, you pulled the front door open.

Pickle was a well trained dog and pretty much never left the yard when the front door was open. But something sparked his interest and he took off running down the front porch steps and across the yard. Dropping everything you held in your hands, you took off running after him, calling his name.

You probably looked like a fucking idiot yelling "Pickle! Pickle, here!" over and over again.

He lead you across the street to the house that used to belong to an elderly couple that Pickle loved because of the obnoxious amount of treats they used to feed him. The elderly couple wasn't there and instead a moving truck was backed into the driveway, a young girl kicking a soccer ball around front.

"Sarah, get up there and start unpacking your room." A man came out of the front door and stumbled backwards as Pickle jumped up onto him.

"Pickle, down!" Your jaw dropped as you finally reached the dog, grabbing a hold of his leash. "I am so sorry!"

"What a pretty dog!" The young girl approached Pickle who was eager for her attention and jumped up to meet her with kisses all over her face.

"I'm so sorry." You said again, pulling Pickle away from the girl but she stepped towards him again.

"Pickle is such a good name for a dog." She laughed.

You finally met the eyes of the girl's father and your breath nearly hitched in your throat at the stunning man standing in front of you. He didn't seem angry at all, just a smile on his face as he watched his daughter interact with the golden fluff ball in front of her.

"Sorry." You said again, this time a little breathless, nerves flooding your body.

Boys hardly made you nervous, in fact all of your friends praised how you were able to flirt with them. But standing in front of you was a man, a very attractive man that scanned your body up and down once over.

You immediately felt embarrassed remembering how you had just ran across the street screaming something about a Pickle and how you were only wearing your jean shorts and a bikini top.

"No, it's no worries at all. He's a friendly pup." He said, looking at his daughter again who was now sitting on the ground with Pickle who was on his back in front of her getting the best belly rubs of his life probably.

"The family that used to live here spoiled him. I didn't realize they sold the house." But boy were you glad they did.

"I'm Joel and this is Sarah. My brother Tommy is inside. Sarah and I are moving in." He held his hand out and you shook it happily, his firm grasp taking you not by surprise. You expected it from a man that looked as strong as he did. "This you across the street?"

"No, actually, it's my aunt's. I'm just dog sitting for the month." You told him. "It's nice to meet you both."

"Well if you, as a dog sitter, ever need someone to dog sit, I will gladly do it." Sarah laughed as she stood up from the grass and began running around the yard with Pickle.

"I'll take you up on the offer. We're actually going down to the lake today." You gave her a smile. "But, if you guys need a hand unloading, I can help?"

"Oh, we have it handled, thanks though." He glanced behind him and then at his daughter before he lowered his voice enough for her not to hear, "I hope to see you around."

Trying not to let your cheeks flush, a small smile crept onto your face. "Likewise."

The next few days you spent at the living room window, watching for Joel to come out of his house. He worked a normal schedule for the most part, but it looked more like he had taken a couple more days off during the week with Sarah on summer break.

You were out in the front yard the following weekend after meeting Joel and Sarah and playing a makeshift game of fetch with Pickle. He hardly liked to chase the ball anymore because of his age so the game was to throw the ball straight into the air and let him try to catch it as it bounced off the ground.

"Hey!" Sarah called your name as she ran across the street with her soccer ball in her hands. "Can I play with you guys?"

"Yeah, absolutely." Sarah tossed the soccer ball onto the ground and began kicking it around the yard between you and Pickle. He probably liked the fact that the soccer ball was bigger and easier for him to play with.

"He's so cute. I keep asking my dad for a dog but he says I'm not responsible enough yet." Sarah said as Pickle kept knocking the ball further and further away from himself and you and Sarah.

"You look pretty responsible to me. How old are you?" You asked her.

"Twelve." She answered you.

"Oh, you're totally responsible enough." You reassured her. "We can just share Pickle in the meantime."

"Did you name him Pickle?" She asked you.

"I did name Pickle." You replied. "It's a goofy name, huh?"

"Just a little. But I think it suits him." She laughed.

"Hey, she bothering you?" Joel was crossing the street and you barely caught yourself pushing your hair off your shoulder. He had Sarah's soccer ball in his hands and Pickle was prancing at his side. He must've knocked the ball into the street as Joel was coming out of the house. Normally you'd be more strict about him going into the street but it was the weekend in summer which meant the cul de sac in which you lived was quiet, hardly anyone coming on and off the street.

"No, we're actually talking about how you guys should also get a dog. You know, Pickle could use a friend." You took the soccer ball from his hands, your fingertips brushing his, your eyes never leaving each other's.

"Nice try." A smile tugged at his lips as he turned to Sarah. "We're not getting a dog."

"Lame."

"C'mon, I need your help with dinner. Uncle Tommy is on his way." Joel said.

"Aw, dad, I wanna hang out with Pickle some more." She huffed as any twelve year old would and it kind of reminded you of yourself.

"Well, maybe, uh... Pickle could join us for dinner? If you don't have any plans." Joel asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"No, no, we're free. If it's not too much trouble." You said. "I can help too."

Sarah didn't end up helping after all, because she was too preoccupied with her new best friend in the backyard so you found yourself standing next to Joel helping him prepare a bowl of mashed potatoes.

"Look, let me show you a trick my dad taught me." You said as you pulled the melted butter from the microwave. He watched you intently as you explained that folding the butter in slowly prevented gluey mashed potatoes rather than pouring it all in at once. "Also, next time I'll show you how to make from scratch. No more boxed mashed potatoes."

"I'd like that." He said. He didn't want to tell you that he in fact knew how to make mashed potatoes from scratch or that he made the best mashed potatoes from scratch. That he was better at making mashed potatoes from scratch than from a box but the box is what he had in the pantry because he forgot to go shopping.

He just needed another excuse to have you over. To have your sweet voice filling his ears about things he already knew. To listen to the way you gently interacted with his daughter like you knew her for her entire life. To listen to you call that damn dog Pickle over and over again no matter how silly it sounded.

"When did we get a damn dog?" Tommy walked into the kitchen carrying a case of beer and a watermelon in his hands. "Hey, there."

"That would be Pickle." Joel said and you almost snickered at how it sounded coming from his lips.

"I'm Tommy." Joel's brother introduced himself to you and you to him after the short explanation of why you were there for dinner. Joel silently cursed his brother for showing up even though this was the plan prior to your invitation. He simply enjoyed the time that you two had alone in the kitchen preparing dinner.

Tommy was handsome of course, just like his brother but Joel took the lead by a long shot. Guys your age were just alright but Joel was giving you feelings none of them ever could. Maybe it was the fact that he had probably about ten years on you, or the way that he never broke eye contact ever. You almost wanted to believe he was just trying to intimidate you, but he just wanted you to know that as long as you were present in front of him, his attention was yours.

Joel felt foolish to say the least. Crushing on the neighbor's niece when she'd be gone in a month was insanity. The man had barely even looked at another woman since Sarah's mother left. But here you were in front of him and he couldn't stop staring at every inch of you. You were absolutely stunning and he couldn't grasp the fact that you were standing in his kitchen on a Saturday evening helping him with dinner.

He could tell that Tommy was slowly taking a liking to you, watching the way his brothers eyes squinted when he smiled at anything you said, one of his old tricks that Joel had in fact taught him. Something so simple, but just made a woman feel like you were so much more invested in whatever they were saying. It was hard to read whether you were picking up on it, but all he could do was hope you weren't falling for his antics.

"Are you from Austin?" Sarah asked. Pickle was laying under her feet just hoping she would drop something but to his advantage, she was already sneaking him bites throughout the entire dinner without anyone noticing.

"I actually live in Dallas, but I've lived here for the most part since I was eighteen." You answered her.

"Oh, so you're in college." Tommy said glancing at his older brother. There was an inkling that if you were still in college Joel would fuck off and let his brother have a chance.

"I actually just graduated from UT. I have a bachelor's in biochemistry." You replied catching the glance, but you didn't make any note of it.

"Shit, so she's a genius." Tommy gaped. "Congratulations."

"That's impressive." Joel said to you and you gave him a small smile of appreciation, the words making your stomach flutter.

"Dad, I want to go to UT and get a degree in biochemistry too." Sarah said and you almost blushed at her words. Compliments from kids always felt slightly more important because they knew almost nothing of the world and had no filter, so if they complimented you it must be true.

"You can do whatever you put your heart to, kiddo." Joel said to her.

The four of you sat around the table and you explained to them how Pickle had come into your lives, how your dad used to bring you here to visit your aunt and what going to UT was like. They all were interested in hearing what attending one of the most popular schools in Texas especially because every once in a while they too liked attending a UT game or two. Joel of course soaked up every word, thankful he hadn't met you until now because if he had during your college days he would've not let himself have a single thought in that way about you.

But he didn't. So here he was, studying each feature on your face as you talked. From your jaw down to the curve of your neck where your collarbone met your shoulder, what it might feel like to sink his teeth into the skin there-

He was pulled from his thoughts as you and Sarah rose from the table gathering everyone's dishes. "You don't have to."

"I want to, Joel. No worries." You squeezed his shoulder in a reassuring manner that made his stomach flutter. Sarah was eager to follow in your footsteps, the two of you putting the leftovers away and handwashing the rest of the dishes. Joel and Tommy sat watching the two of you engaging in their in own conversation.

"You win, big brother." He muttered taking a sip from his beer.

"What's that s'posed to mean?" Joel asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Look at you, you're smitten. You've known her all of what? Two minutes? She barely gave me the time of day." Tommy sighed. "It's nice seeing you have a little crush since Sarah's mom left."

"I don't have a crush." Joel quickly shut his statement down. He could try to lie to himself but he knew it was true. "This ain't high school."

"I'm just saying. See where it goes." Tommy patted his big brother's shoulder.

Joel took another deep breath that came out as more of a sigh. "And if she's not...?"

"Move on. There's other fish in the sea." Tommy stood from his seat at the table. "Who wants ice cream?"

The gasp that left Sarah's lips was comical and you couldn't help but laugh at her reaction, "Dad, can we please?"

"Alright, alright." Joel laughed and your eyes met his for a moment. You looked away quickly, turning your attention back to Sarah. Eye contact was one of your specialties, something your dad taught you was important when you were a little girl, except when it came to Joel Miller apparently.

"I'm actually going to head home. Dinner was great though, thank you." You replied. As much as you wanted to join them for ice cream you didn't want to overstay your welcome.

"What? So soon?" Joel asked as if you hadn't spent the entire evening with him and his family. He wanted to punch himself for accidentally sounding so eager.

"Yeah, I'm still full from dinner so I'll pass on the ice cream and Pickle-"

"Maybe Pickle wants ice cream." Sarah interjected.

"Pickle looks like he wants some ice cream." Tommy added. "Just come along for the ride at least."

"Please please please." Sarah folded her hands as she stood in front of you staring up at you with pleading puppy dog eyes that you just couldn't say no to.

"Fine." You smiled and she squealed from happiness grabbing Pickle's leash from your hands.

"She really likes you." Joel laughed as the four of you walked out to Tommy's truck. You squeezed in the backseat with Sarah and Pickle and then Tommy drove you all to the ice cream shop up the road that was a fan favorite of everyone in the neighborhood.

Everyone got their favorite flavors and you even bought a little pup cup for the chubby boy that looked like he had already had twenty. Sarah had spoiled him at the dinner table and now here he was getting his own little ice cream.

You and Joel sat on the same side of the table across from Tommy and Sarah as you fed Pickle his ice cream slowly so he wouldn't inhale the entire thing. Just like you said earlier, you passed on getting your own cone because you did feel a little full from dinner still.

You almost sighed looking at Joel's ice cream and how good it looked, mindfully wishing you had gotten your own. Maybe your aunt had some stashed away in the freezer at home.

"Want a bite?" Joel asked catching your eyes lingering on his strawberry ice cream. Before you could object he scooped a spoonful and held it towards you. You rolled your eyes but opened your mouth anyways letting him feed you the ice cream. It hit you that the two of you were sitting quite close. Your knees were touching and you were shoulder to shoulder.

Neither Sarah nor Tommy noticed the tender moment, them being engaged in their own conversation about which ice cream flavor was better.

When you arrived back at the house, you waved Tommy and Sarah goodnight and Joel held Pickle's leash in his hand as he walked you back across the street to your front door.

Your fingertips brushed once again as he passed Pickle's leash back over to you. He leaned against the doorframe as he watched you open it and send Pickle inside.

"Thank you for having me. It's been a lonely week." You admit to him.

"Anytime." Joel replied. Not a man of many words it seems.

"Well, I'll see you around." You tell him, trying to avoid an awkward silence.

For the first time in a while, Joel was at loss for words. He wanted to compliment you, ask you out on a proper date maybe, but he choked. The idea of you turning him down, someone who you might think is a little too old for you made him anxious. He had barely just moved in a week ago and was already thinking of asking you out.

"Listen, uh, thanks for hanging out with Sarah today. She really enjoys your company, I can tell. Never seen the girl more excited to do dishes." He said before you could step inside.

"She's a good kid, Joel. You should be proud." You offer him a smile.

"Thanks." The smile that spread across his face was genuine. Nothing warmed his heart more than someone complimenting his parenting. It was rough on his own, but he did a damn good job if he says so himself.

"See you." You stood on your tiptoes in the spur of the moment and placed a soft kiss to his cheek. You're not sure why you did it or where the courage to do it even came from but you shut the door behind you before you could hear or see his reaction.

Joel cheesed like a kid in a candy story walking back to his new home across the street.

"You're certainly fucked that's for sure." Tommy laughed as he watched Joel walk up the porch steps, having just watched the entire encounter between you two. "Smitten little boy."

"Shut up." Joel shoved Tommy's shoulder, but he didn't even mind the teasing because he was right.

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[elsa-rain-world-stuff]

What got you into rainworld?

OHHOHHHOHOHOHOHO

It's been 2020, middle of autumn, i tired from playing same 3 games on repeat (hollow knight, sundered and undertale (? i'm not sure)) and looked in my steam library, in search for something i haven't played. I had i think 3 games i bought and never played, and Rain World was one of them. I had no fucking clue what is this game, i didn't even remember how i got it (i got it same year spring with 80% off, as my purchase history says). So i downloaded it and jumped right into, without watching any trailers or rewievs.

It was... something. I didn't expect anything, but i was surprised anyway. I had no idea you could pick different character, i didn't know you supposed to play as white slugcat, so i started as Monk.

First thing that surprised me is how HEAVY slugcat felt. Compare to Hollow Kinght where you can jump 10 times your height... yeahh. And second thing - controls, which i changed immediately, because i ain't playing on arrows! ALSO at the beginning i had a thought for a moment that maybe i'll get some upgrades, but even then i felt like it's not gonna happen

And after that i lost track of time. And when i woke up, it was 5 am and i was in shoreline. Then i was stuck in the first room of subterranean with centipedes killing me all the fucking time and i thought that i can't go back through the gates lol

I also remember miros birds breaking my overseer in meme crypts and how i thought that it was gone forever

This is my very first rain world screenshot (i didn't understand what to do with this flower and overseer seemed to point on it (at least it what i thought)

under cut there's a tonn of screenshots and some of messeges with my friend while i was playing. I had a friend, who helped me in the beginning. They played just a bit, but knew a lot about the game

october 10, 2020

Elsa Fogen 22:57 : Oh you can store food for the next day to spend all the time for exploration, neat Elsa Fogen 23:02 : So i was grabbed by that thing, that pretended to be a pole, but i managed to escape and it grabbed a lizard instead october 11, 2020 Elsa Fogen 6:57 : Fuuck, it's 5 am and i've been playing Rain all this time [Friend name here] 6:29 : How did you... Elsa Fogen 6:29 : I'm in the location with green wamter Elsa Fogen 6:31 : I was fucking flooded 3 times Elsa Fogen 16:13 : I'm fucking tired of these monkies They don't let me go through Fuckers

october 12, 2020

Elsa Fogen 18:11 : AAAAAAAAAAAHH FUCKING ELECTRICAL CENTIPEDES, I HATE YOU SO MUCH Elsa Fogen 18:14 : just fucking look how many times i died in the same room because of these fucking creatures

[Friend name here] 18:15 : Oh. Which location this is? Elsa Fogen 18:24 : trins where [Friend name here] 18:25 : no fucking way... Wait. WHY ARE YOU GOING THERE IT'S TOO EARLY Or wait. You have already been at Five Pebbles?!?! Elsa Fogen 18:27 : where???? I can't go back anyway......... [Friend name here] 18:27 : fuck... it's too early to go there/ Too early. Why can't you return? Elsa Fogen 18:33 : door was closed................... okay i get it all over again [Friend name here] 18:34 : nononno NO NO NO!!!! WAIT FUCK STOP WAIT WAAAAAAAIT DON'T RESTART LOTUS MOTHERFUCKER (lotus was kinda my roleplay nickname lol) DON'T YOU DARE Elsa Fogen 18:37 : wha how then [Friend name here] 18:34 : You talking about gates with karma? Elsa Fogen 18:38 : yes [Friend name here] 18:38 : Fuf... there... look. So you went through. You sleep one time. And you can go once again. Elsa Fogen 18:38 : 🤔

-----

Elsa Fogen 18:53 : Should i look for this thing?

Elsa Fogen 19:54 : What should i do here?

[Friend name here] 20:03 : GO TO SLEEP THEN YOU GO THROUGH HORRIBLE LOCATION TO THE WORSE Don't touch the flies Elsa Fogen 20:23 : And what if i touched them Elsa Fogen 21:43 : Damn it's so dark here

Elsa Fogen 21:54 : Damn there creepy creatures mechanical Elsa Fogen 22:40 : FUCK I SAW AN ART WHERE BROKEN VESSEL HAD THIS FUCKING BLACK-BLUE THING IN THE HEAD

[Friend name here] 23:01 : btw, you're ahead of me xD I just... i need to recover my nerves Elsa Fogen 23:05 : btw this thing that leads you can it be killed? [Friend name here] 23:05 : Yes. Elsa Fogen 23:05 : Fuck) I think mine was killed Elsa Fogen 23:10 : So what should i do if my thing was killed...... Elsa Fogen 23:15 : Are these things dangerous?

Elsa Fogen 23:24 : What a creepy fuckig thing

but it's neat i love their design so much i saw same things in the location with pile of monkies these fucking things annlyed me so much there was a lake and two of these fuckers lived there Elsa Fogen 23:56 : Fuck, can i kill this thing? It's sitting there and that's it............

[Friend name here] 23:56 : You can but.... MANY SPEARS. VERY MUCH. Elsa Fogen 23:59 : OMG OVERSEER, MY SUNSHINE

october 13, 2020

Elsa Fogen 00:00 : OH YES I MADE IT TO THE NEST [shelter] And i understood why the fuck these things for [grapple worms] Elsa Fogen 00:23 : THERE'S 3 OF THEM

Elsa Fogen 00:28 : That's what i call TOTAL FUCK UP

Elsa Fogen 00:31 : i lived Elsa Fogen 00:31 : is that a fucking infection

Elsa Fogen 01:03 : i n f e c t i o n

Elsa Fogen 01:23 : fUCK

Elsa Fogen 01:28 : ....how many spears i need to kill this you say?

[Friend name here] 01:28 : More than 10. :) Elsa Fogen 01:29 : too loose a concept "more than 10" more than 10 can be and 11 and 100 well, two already there ahaha....... [Friend name here] 01:28 : Well.... Hm...... Not 11... Well maybe 20 or more. Elsa Fogen 01:30 : now this sounds as threat of avengers level [Friend name here] 01:30 : One moment. I'll look up their hp. Ha.... Ha.... 200 hp.... Elsa Fogen 01:34 : ................... and how much damage spear does?? [Friend name here] 01:36 : ... [RW wiki screenshot saying how much damage deals every slugcat per spear throw] Elsa Fogen 01:34 : *HYSTERICAL LAUGH* okay i died already around ten times BY JUST FALLING IN THE FUCKING PIT

Elsa Fogen 01:34 : infected snot

Elsa Fogen 01:34 : f UCK i found the door, but it needs the highest karma AND I'M WITH THE LOWEST BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE DEATHS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Elsa Fogen 02:19 : FINALLY FINALLY YES I WENT FURTHER OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M SO TIRED OF THIS PIT Elsa Fogen 02:21 : WAIT WHAT WHERE DID I FLY

IS IT BECAUSE I ATE TOO MUCH INFECTION? [Friend name here] 02:22 : Well it's... It's... If short, there's troubles with gravitation and... THERE'S MANY DADDY LONG LEGS ON THE WAY But first you have to bring around 4 flies to Moon)))) YES YES YOU'LL HAVE TO GO BACK BRING 2 FOR NOW There will be more further Elsa Fogen 02:25 : ah. these?

Elsa Fogen 21:11 : fuck this shit....

[Friend name here] 21:12 : ))))))) YOU'LL HAVE TO))))) Elsa Fogen 21:12 : no i'm leaving ahupzhvalvva [Friend name here] 21:12 : YEEEEES)))) YOU NEED THIS TO COMPLETE THE GAME By the way Moon quest is not necessary Elsa Fogen 21:14 : thank god

october 16, 2020

Elsa Fogen 20:59 : these fucking tentacles discourage all desire to play rain 🙁

Finding and translating all this takes fucking forever and after this point i moved to another chat and i don't know which one so let me know if you want to see more of this!!!!!!

LIKE REBLOG AND SUBSCRIBE FOR PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[smol-nevi]

You know...I took the entire last raid tier off from FFXIV. I was so burnt out. I couldn't even look at it. I got to such a peak with what I was doing on an individual level that I've got an orange aDPS parse in P5S (that's the one that's just your damage and your own buffs, mostly good for tracking rotation improvements). For the more common rDPS metric I had straight purples. That was without any parse runs and a not-hardcore group. I literally could not get a better parse under those circumstances and I kept beating my head on trying anyway until I wasn't even tolerable to be around.

I'm actually excited about Dawntrail? I'm cleaning out my inventory a bit (major feat, I've been playing since ARR and I have five retainers). I did something like three runs of Delubrum Reginae last night with my partner because they want to finish a relic and I just love Bozja that much.

I'm so tempted to spend some time in Eureka farming bunny boxes alone while everyone else is leveling and doing Dawntrail...

It feels nice to be able to be back. I'm not sure if I want to raid yet or not, but I'll play it by ear (aka if someone I know needs a dancer/ranged phys, I'm in, lol). Whatever the case though at least I know I proved whatever I thought I needed to with my numbers, and I'm a lot better at spotting burnout in myself and others now.

See, the difference between burnout and no burnout is that I couldn't even remember what I used to do for fun outside raiding, and it didn't sound fun if I did remember. Then I quit, slept for a while, eventually got my shit back together, and suddenly horked up an entire novel—of fanfic, but that counts—within 4 months, and then another in another 4 months. (Tellingly, both of them plus the third one I'm working on are about a lot of things, but they're all heavily about the devastating mental effects of burnout.) Now I'm like, do I even want to raid, if I could be doing all this other cool stuff? And yeah, kind of. My FC and our friends had a huge photoshoot to say goodbye to Endwalker and it reminded me of what's good about raiding: shooting the shit, laughing when things explode, being social around people on a schedule. I got way too focused on the math and not the people.

Slightly in my defense, it is hard to keep your head up when you run the same content for that many months. We cleared P4S week 31 and P8S week 34, if I'm remembering right. But also, absolutely not in my defense, until I intentionally took a short break during the P8S slog I had missed one single raid day since the second tier of Eden, and that was only because I'd had top surgery the literal day before and couldn't hold the controller yet for long enough without it seriously hurting. By the next raid night I was already back in it. I've never had perfect attendance in anything so that was a very hard record to let go of. What I needed was to let it the fuck go about six months before I actually did.

Anyway I'm literally just rambling because that's what I do, but I'm excited to be back. I think I'll level pictomancer because yeah, everyone is, but that's fun too. Bandwagons can be good or people wouldn't get on them. Dancer has been my main since Shadowbringers dropped and one of my favorite memories is still spending hours rolling over the Gyr Abanian maps with a bunch of half-dancer, half-gunbreaker fate trains like a steamroller covered in blenders and bayonets, laughing with strangers. I'm hoping pictomancer and viper will be that way too. It was good shit and I'm looking forward to it. I'll have a slightly late start because I've got a friend visiting through Friday, but that's fine. The point is friends anyway, and I need to remember that this time.

[rockitmans]

34. To pretend 👀

send me a number and I'll write you a kiss

34. to pretend

It's all Blaine's idea. The 'marriage.' They're best friends, he points out. It will be easy. No one will suspect a thing. 

Kurt has a lot more doubts about it. For one thing, he's pretty sure it's fraud, marrying someone just for their health insurance benefits. The second thing is that he has no desire to lie to his family about something this fundamental. And third… is that it's not pretend. Not for him. 

He doesn't say any of this. "No one is going to believe us as a couple. We've been friends for years and never shown any romantic interest in each other." Lie. 

Blaine looks at him with those soft, sweet eyes. The ones that make Kurt unable to breathe. "We'll make them believe it." 

"You just woke up one day and decided you were in love with me, did you?" Kurt snarks. 

"No. I've always been in love with you. I just never had the courage to say it before now." 

That gets Kurt right in the stomach. He tears his gaze away from Blaine's. "And me?"

He feels Blaine shrug beside him. "Whatever you want. Maybe you felt the same. Maybe you were won over by my earnest attempts to woo you. Maybe I'm just a really good lay."

Kurt glances at him in time to catch the mischievous grin. Another stomach flutter. This is way too dangerous. He can't do it. 

"I don't know about this," he says. 

"Kurt," Blaine grabs his hand. "You need your insulin. If you marry me, you would never have to worry about affording it again. Or at least not for a while. I'm not saying you have to marry me forever but I can't stand by while you bankrupt yourself for something you so essentially need. Not when I can help."

It's hard to ignore the logic of that. Unfortunately. Which just means they have to fool everyone they know. People who know them both well enough to tell if something is off. It's a horrible prospect

"You still look troubled," Blaine says when Kurt doesn't say anything. 

"I'm just thinking about how Santana will scent blood in the water after about four seconds."

Blaine laughs. "It's fine. We can just practise."

The sense of foreboding increases. "Practise?"

"Things like touching each other naturally and pet names that don't feel forced. Stuff like that."

"You mean like kissing?" Kurt hates himself. 

"Oh, definitely. I can kiss you right now if you want," Blaine says easily. It's what Kurt always wants. "In fact, let's do that. If we just get that out of the way now, it won't feel weird at the wedding."

The fucking wedding. "I haven't agreed to that yet."

"Come on, Kurt," Blaine leans in, smiling. His face is so close. "Marry me."

"Uhh…"

Blaine's hand cups his jaw. His voice drops to a murmur. "Can I?"

Kurt nods despite himself, and Blaine basically melts against him. The press of his body is suddenly everywhere. He uses his hand on Kurt's jaw to guide him in, kissing him sweetly and gently. It shouldn't feel like much but it feels like everything. 

Kurt exhales in a rush against Blaine's mouth. 

He moves without thinking. His lips part, catching Blaine's lip between his own. His hand wraps into Blaine's hair, pulls him closer, muffles the soft sound Blaine makes against his lips. Blaine's free hand lands on his thigh and it sparks heat in Kurt's belly. Hungry and wanting. 

Blaine moves against him, matches his sudden intensity, half topples into Kurt's lap when he tries to surge forward. It's both ridiculous and hot. Kurt steadies him without breaking the kiss. If he stops that will be it. He can't believe he's actually kissing Blaine. 

Blaine, making a soft needy sound under the sweep of his tongue. Blaine's hand inching dangerously up his thigh. Blaine's small gasp when Kurt tugs a little more roughly on his hair. Blaine, his best friend, who wants to fake marry him just so can afford his insulin. Fuck.

Kurt tears himself away, his chest heaving erratically. "Well I think we have that covered," he says, his voice high and slightly manic. Blaine blinks at him. He's flushed and beautiful. He grins. 

"Sooo?" he asks in a sing-song. "Does that mean you'll marry me?" He's so unaffected it's insane. 

"Fine. Yes. I'll marry you." Kurt can hear this heart in his ears. He barely knows what he's agreeing to. Blaine is still half in his lap. He feels trapped, unable to go and put himself back together. 

"I'll make you the happiest fake husband alive," Blaine promises, beaming. 

Right. Fake husband. Because it doesn't matter how that kiss made him feel. Not when it was all just for pretend. 

[strixcattus]

Conlang Year Day 34

Today was a light day, all considered—I felt like taking a bit of a rest, so I only tested a few compounds, trying to brush on the context-dependent sound changes. I also did this, which I'll explain under the cut:

Same chart as yesterday, now up to 40% or more harder to read.

The chart is now split into a few different stages of Conlang's development, as follows:

Proto-forms: The original. Unchanged. What I've been compiling lists of for the past while.

Stage 1: Some basic consonant shifts that set the stage for stuff down the line. None of them can affect one another, so they're a good grouping. This is also the stage where both stress-dependent changes (steps 2 and 3) take place.

Stage 2: Glide deletions. Even though the former step can totally mess with the latter, I've kind of been lumping them together when I think about the sound changes—they basically do the same thing, after all.

Stage 3: I could say something like "they're thematically similar because they're both fortifications, which is why they're together," but I'm not a fan of lying. Step 6 gets put here because I didn't feel like putting it with its sister sound changes. Step 7 gets put here to even out the numbers. They don't do anything to mess with one another. That's all.

Stage 4: The "foregone conclusion" section of the chart. This is where sounds that have to die go to die. Worth noting that, since no syllable can begin with a vowel, forms that combine at the start of Stage 4 will always produce the same result as if they combined after Stage 4.

Modern forms: The new, shiny, finished product. All hail.

I tested a few compounds out today as well (three. I tested three.) and might try a few tomorrow, since I'm not sure how much I'll have left to do for that day's prompt. I'm documenting as I go already. Here's the two that were actually interesting (in the modern romanization for ease of reading):

*poyo + *deni (that's "harmless microbe" and "shift in multiversal currents" as a refresher)

This combo was picked to prod at the stress-sensitive changes in Stage 1. In isolation, both proto-forms have stress on their first syllable, like so: poyo deni. When combined, however, stress ends up on the antepenultimate syllable—poyodeni—leaving syllables po and de vulnerable to the changes that only take hold in unstressed syllables.

If combined before Stage 1, the resulting form is lologeni. If combined after, the resulting form is polodeni.

*tapi + *yadi (the latter meaning "to create" and the former being a new form I created today for the purposes of this compound, meaning "light")

This compound was meant to set off the condition in step 10, depending on when the forms were combined. The syllable ya on its own wouldn't see any changes, but iya would become the diphthong ia and force the by then–reduced p to remain a consonant.

If combined before Stage 1 or 2, the resulting form is taciadi. If combined before Stage 3, the resulting form is taijadi—the diphthong still triggers step 6. If combined after Stage 3, the resulting form is tailadi.

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #36

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [Intermission] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35]

[AO3] [wattpad]

*I'm not sure if I'm sorry for the sudden jump to comedy. I think we could all use a break before getting back into it *CW1- self harm ideation *CW2- more romantic trauma explained ~POV Sharrkan~ When Sinbad had left those lovely ladies alone, Sharrkan took up the post. He ended up drinking himself stupid trying to impress them and now his head was throbbing. He fell asleep with his head in his arms on the table. It was the sounds of voices that woke him up.

King Sinbad's voice ended up being the last straw forcing Sharrkan awake. He was using a tone Shar had never heard from him before. "And after finally leaving him, she promised herself she would never be with anyone again." What the hell was he talking about? Sindria's best swordsman slowly rolled his head up. It was probably for the best that he woke up since he still had to head back to the Palace. Sinbad was carrying Mori for some reason. "She told me when I tried to tell her I..." Sinbad didn't finish his sentence. After a moment he scoffed at himself.

Ja'far beat everyone to asking for clarification. "Hold a second Sin... Did you accept you have feelings for Mori because of what happened earlier?" The King nodded. "And they rejected you again?"

Sinbad hesitated before nodding again.

That fully woke Shar up. 'Nononono!!' That would mean he was the biggest loser of the bet. "There's no way!" Sharrkan was standing before he was aware of what he was doing, and he wasn't one to back down. "Do you know who our King is???" Why had Shar spent most of his life emulating and practicing how Sinbad flirts with women if his methods would fail the one time it really matters????

All heads turned to Sharrkan and he had the distinctive feeling that he shouldn't have said that.

Mori's mumbles cut through the silence following his question. "Why (are) you yelling?" Their voice was much clearer with the next question. "Who did what now?"

The King, Ja'far, Drakon, and Sahel froze. Shar was already in trouble so it didn't matter if he got into a little more. "You rejected King Sinbad!" All the eye daggers pointed at him weren't a good sign, but he didn't care. If Sinbad was actually in love with Mori, and they rejected him, then was that why Yam seemed to hate Sharrkan more every day?? Was being a womanizer bad actually???

Mori's answer only made things worse. "Yeah. Which time? I've been rejecting him since Balbadd." They tapped Sinbad's chest a few times. "Put me down, please." As soon as he complied, Mori's legs buckled under them. "Ah!" They wrapped both of their arms around the King to keep from falling, and he caught them at the same time. Sin's expression only supported the others' bets more. Mori apologized to their source of support. "Sorry. That was a bad idea. My hips still feel like they want to fall off."

Mori's hips hurt..? All of the Generals and Sahel looked between Mori and their King who was helping her to the nearest seat. The way Sinbad kept an arm around her and sat with her made everyone want to tell the couple to get a room... but they might have already gotten one from the sounds of it. Shar had to know for sure. "Hold on, did you not reject him this time?" Do Sinbad's techniques work or not?

Mori took the longest to figure out what he had just asked, and their face turned bright red when they did. "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! WE DIDN'T- DID PISTI NOT TELL YOU GUYS THAT I WAS DANCING???" Their voice cracked a bunch. After a sharp inhale, they rambled an explanation of hurting themself while dancing.

"Oh." Came from everyone except Sinbad.

Ja'far recovered from the whiplash faster than the rest. "I'll go have a cot setup for you, and I'm sure at least one of the medical magicians hasn't gone to bed yet."

Mori looked away from everyone. "I want to get back to my room as soon as possible."

Ja'far left to see what was available at the medical tent.

While they waited, Shar walked over to Drakon and Sahel. He spoke quietly enough to keep things in their circle. "So... Why is he so upset if they've been rejecting him the whole time?" When hadn't Yam rejected Sharrkan? You didn't see him cry to the others about it! ((Yeah, only to Masrur))

Drakon sighed and shared a look with his wife. This only made Shar more curious, but it was obvious he wasn't supposed to ask again right now. He just crossed his arms and turned to watch his King. --- ~POV Sinbad~ When Sinbad helped Mori to the bench, he kept an arm around them to stabilize them, but also so he could keep touching them a little longer. Mori kept their arms around him for support while walking, and even after sitting down they didn't fully let go, so neither did he. When Ja'far made his suggestions, Sinbad could feel Mori's back tensing even though it didn't show on their face or in their voice. He would have to ask about it when he had a chance.

Barely a minute after Ja'far went to get a medic, Mori spoke quietly. "I'm sorry... for burdening you."

Sin responded just as quietly. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I made you carry me all the way here."

"I wanted to carry you, and I'd gladly do it again."

Mori tightened their grip on his clothes. "But I snapped and trauma dumped on you without your permission." He hadn't heard that phrase before, but he understood from context.

He sighed. Was this guilt an aftereffect of their outburst? "Mori. You know parts of my past I've never told anyone. You accepted me and chose to help me anyway. I can't do the same for you if you never tell me anything."

Sinbad couldn't see their face past their bangs with their head down, but he could feel and see them trembling again. They covered their face with one hand as they nodded to respond. He lightly squeezed them against himself with the arm he had around them. That was all the encouragement Mori needed to lean their head against him. Tension slowly released from his shoulders. However upset Mori was with him, they were still willing to find comfort in him. Earlier they had even agreed in wanting him to become someone they could trust. Mori still liked him. Sinbad hadn't lost yet.

Ja'far returned with a very tired medical magician and painkillers. The healing magic would promote faster healing, and the medicine would lessen the immediate pain over the next few hours. After the magician left, Ja'far repeated his offer from earlier. "Are you sure you don't want to rest here?" It was worth a shot.

Instead of answering Ja'far, Mori looked up at Sinbad with an expression that made his heart race. It was one part longing, one part desperation, one part hopeful, and 100% adorable. "Did you mean what you said before?" They were quiet so the others couldn't hear, but that wasn't why Sinbad was caught off guard. Fate was on his side in a way he couldn't have anticipated. When he didn't answer right away Mori clarified, "...That you'd carry me again?" They looked at the steps leading up to the Palace. "I won't be in any condition to climb those stairs on my own for a while, and I really want to go home, so..."

'Yes! Absolutely!' Mori called his Palace 'home!' Sinbad had to calm himself and get his expression under control while she wasn't looking. There were multiple options to get her to her room asap, and she still chose him. He didn't know why Mori wanted to be in his arms again after what happened and he was not going to jinx it by looking overly enthusiastic. He kept his expression and tone as nonchalant and gentle as possible, "Of course. I never make a promise I can't keep."

--- ~POV Ja'far~ The General wasn't sure what Mori said to Sin, but the expression on the King's face said it was a good thing. And then that King scooped her up into his arms again and stood in one smooth motion. Mori had an arm around him for support this time.

"Hold on, Sin!" Ja'far took a few steps forward and repeated his question from earlier. "You're not still thinking of carrying Mori up to the Palace, are you?" Sin looked at the stairs, but didn't say anything, so Ja'far turned his attention to the Prophet. "Mori, I know you're injured but isn't this a bit excessive?? You were worried about the rumors too, weren't you?" This was going to make so many headaches for him later -especially with how Sin reacted to the rumors- Wait! That wasn't a problem anymore!!! But there were still reasons Sinbad shouldn't carry anyone up several flights of stairs.

Mori stared at Ja'far for a moment, and then let their head loll against Sinbad's. "He said it's okay."

'Damnit! There's 2 of them.'

Sinbad's smile was distinctively bigger as he looked at the person in his arms. "It is a long way up on foot." Nonono! Ja'far knew that expression. Sinbad was going summon a Dji- "Spirit of Dominance and Submission..." The silver bangle on the dungeon capturer's right wrist glowed as he spoke the incantation, and summoned "Focalor" 's Fullbody Djinn Equip.

Mori was just as surprised as the rest of them, but she was absolutely not of the same mind. "You're a genius."

'Damnit! There's 2 of them!'

Their overconfident King laughed until Mori talked over him. "This is easily one of your most comfortable Djinn Equips."

"Huh?"

Mori continued proudly. "It's really uncomfortable to have your metal vessels pressed into me for an extended time. And most of your Djinn Equips are just as covered in metal. But Focalor," they pulled at the gold rings on Sin's chest, "has thin jewelry that doesn't cover as much. 2 birds, 1 stone." ((Heeheehee "bird"))

"Ah. I didn't realize," was Sinbad's first response. "I'll remember that for next time," was the second. And there was no way something like this wasn't going to happen again when they were both idiots that wanted the same thing!

The idiot couple flew off to the Palace before the group could say anything. They were definitely going to have to ask Sinbad for more details in the future because they were absolutely missing something.

--- ~POV Sinbad~ The guards were understandably shocked to see their King descending into the court yard in a Djinn Equip. Sinbad dropped the Equip as soon as he landed to not worry everyone, even if it would be a bit uncomfortable for the person in his arms. As he started walking towards the guest tower, he also started looking for reasons to stall. "You know, Mori, you really surprised me when you asked me to carry you again."

She made a sound of recognition, but didn't say anything. He could see Mori watching his face with his peripheral vision. Sin walked halfway across the court yard in silence. If she didn't want to say anything, he wouldn't push- "It was the safest and fastest way I could think of."

"'Safest?'"

The waves swirled around them like before. Her voice was a sober melancholy. "I'm still not in a good head space, so my brain is expecting specific types of violence even though I know better."

Sinbad stopped walking and looked Mori in the eyes. "Do you think I'm going to hurt you?" He may have hurt her heart on accident earlier, but there was no way she thought he'd hurt her physically, right?

It was dark, but he could make out their expression. It was as melancholic as their voice. "You go out of your way to avoid using violence as much as possible so I felt safe asking you." That was a relief.

It didn't leave many options though. "Then, was it my Generals?"

Mori looked away and he knew he was on the right track. She sighed and continued in the same monotone. "Ja'far is someone that does not hesitate to use violence when he thinks someone is a threat to you." Sinbad had hoped that the friction between the two was a thing of the past. Mori continued, "He threatened Cassim in Balbadd for projecting his experience with nobility onto you. Ja'far might have killed him if you hadn't stopped him." That wasn't long before Mori entered the world. Somehow it still surprised him when he learned more of her visions. "I know things you have done and will do that Ja'far would never believe of you. He has plenty of reasons to hurt me if I say them even if he wouldn't threaten me into it."

Sin could understand where that fear came from. Ja'far becomes aggressive and violent if someone is even just defaming King Sinbad. If Sinbad isn't there to confirm Mori's visions about his secrets, the General would never believe them. "Ja'far will never force you to talk about your visions." Sinbad would make sure of it. "You never have to talk about them with him when I'm not around either."

((CW1)) Mori shook her head. "When I'm like this, 'punishment' feels inescapable. I'd rather provoke the person and get the punishment out of the way because the fear of what and when it will happen is much stronger than any pain will be when it's over. And if I can control when it happens, I can influence how bad it will be." That made his breath catch. Just what had Mori gone through to think like that? "It's why I..." Mori hesitated, "ended up telling him about you dying in five years. But nothing happened. Instead, he said he'd never pressure me again, but the fear is still there." Her hands had gone colder than normal. "I know this isn't how I should be, so I normally look for any option that will removed the risk of me doing that." The matter-of-fact way she was talking made what she was saying more unnerving.

Sinbad confirmed, "In this case, asking me to carry you back was that option?" She nodded and her grip on his shoulder tightened. As happy as it made him to know she thought of him when she was in need, it wasn't a good sign that she felt that way about one of his Generals. "Mori, no one in Sindria will ever be able to hurt you. I will protect you. I promise." He already had ideas on how to fix this, but now wasn't the time.

Her eyes softened and a chuckle escaped her. "I knew you'd say something like that." Mori looked him in the eyes again; a smile was pushing past their melancholy. "I know you make promises to people you want on your side, and I've seen in my visions how you show kindness to anyone in front of you that needs it. You even feel empathy for your enemies." They knew he was on their side and that he would help them if they asked. "Even before I met you I was drawn to that kindness you give to everyone equally."

The waves were rising again with his relief. Sinbad didn't bother to control his expression. This smile was an earnest one. "How does it feel to be on the receiving end?" He was more than willing to show them this side of him any time they needed.

Mori turned away and clenched her eyes shut. Even with just the moon light he could see their face getting a little red. "It's making me greedy!"

'Greedy?' Earlier that night Mori called herself greedy when she said she wanted him all to herself. His kindness made her greedy for him? Even after what he did earlier? Maybe the apology had worked after all. "I think you could use to be more greedy." This was a much better mood than the previous one.

Mori whipped her face back towards him. "Says the man so greedy that the Djinn had to cut him off!" As grumpy as she looked, she wasn't actually upset with him. He was proven correct when she added, "Why don't you give me some of your greed if you think I'm lacking so much?"

Sinbad laughed. This was perfect. "If I give you my greed, what will you give me in return?"

"Ugh~"

He laughed again.

After a moment of watching him, Mori took the bait. "What would you even want in return anyway?" She was definitely feeling better if she was playing along with this. This could also be a sign that she was willing to continue flirting with him.

"I want your name." He wanted it attached to his own in a way that would tell everyone they were his alone. Mori would get upset if he said what he wanted directly, so this was the best he could do for now. It wasn't like he could actually give her his greed, so why not request something she couldn't give either?

"Oh." Mori was understandably confused; he already knew their nam- "It's Morgan. I never liked how the 'g' sounds in it, so I prefer to be called by my nickname." They continued in a half grumble, "And most characters named 'Morgan' in the stories back home are antagonists and I didn't want to be seen as a bad person."

Somewhere along the way he forgot that 'Mori' was just a nickname. "Oh." And now he was the only person in this world that knew more than just that nickname.

Mori hummed at his expression and then smirked. "Did you forget I only told you my nickname before?"

"It seems I did." Sinbad had a feeling it would be hard to win against his Beautiful Prophet now that he knew what this feeling was.

The mischievous smile she was showing made him want to give her the world. "In that case, what should I ask for as compensation?" Mori was already putting that boost of greed to good use. "Oh! I know. Since you can't tell the difference between a name and a nickname, let me call you by yours without your title." Her face got more red and her voice more unsure as she said it.

Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember Mori ever calling him without a title. She'd said his name plainly a few times when talking about him, but never to him. "Of course." It wasn't something he thought needed explicit permission; he was learning just how much Mori requires that to take action.

"Thank you, Sin." Mori had to immediately look away after saying it.

This must be what people mean when they say love turns people into fools. Sin needed to bring Mori to their room before he did something that would definitely make them angry again. Besides, he had to talk to Ja'far asap about Mori's fears of him if they were going to get past this.

--- ~POV Mori~ I was finally alone. My head was swimming from everything that happened as well as the waves. Fate had changed in a major way. Last time was because Sinbad chose a new path. I had a feeling I knew what happened this time, but I was not emotionally capable of accepting that yet.

I really had a PTSD attack, passed out, and when I woke up immediately went into attach and fawn towards the very person that had triggered me. When I told Sin that I was scared of what I might do around Ja'far I wasn't lying, but I also couldn't bring myself to admit to fawning over and attaching to Sin for safety as another repeat stress response.

Damnit. This didn't make any sense. After I broke up with my ex fiancé I had issues because of what happened but I didn't get PTSD from it. This level of reaction seemed to be from something else and only colored by the fear of projecting my ex fiancé on to a partner as I tried to rationalize it.

I got changed and looked out my windows in time to watch Sinbad cross the court yard to the Purple Leo Tower. Watching him only made the ghost of his touch more prominent. Wanting to be held by the person I like shouldn't be confusing. I was the one who asked to be returned to my room so I could be alone and safe enough to think; and yet it was a struggle not to cling to him harder.

((CW2 until end)) I definitely liked Sinbad. The last time I was able to bounce back after being triggered by thinking someone had romantic interest in me was when it was someone I was already crushing on. When I finally recognized that I kept having a PTSD response, and realized that we wouldn't be compatible long term (I can't do long distance), I ended up ghosting the person because I couldn't handle my own feelings and didn't want to hurt him by projecting my ex onto him. The thing that had protected me all this time was knowing that in the canon, Sinbad never falls in love or gets married. As soon as I realized that could change I panicked.

My blood ran cold. That memory of the last time this happened was from 2022. How could I have memories of home from after I entered this world in 2020? I did periodically gain knowledge that I didn't already have. My heart hurt all over again.

The memories of what caused this new trigger finally flooded my mind. Around the start of 2021 I was assaulted by someone I thought was my friend when he finally accepted that I wasn't going to take back my rejection no matter how much time I spent with him. He had a complete breakdown while he pinned me down and admitted to manipulating my family to have access to me. By the end of that year another person I thought was a friend also had a breakdown after spending months refusing to accept that the 'no' I gave her was real. Then in 2022 I realized that someone confessing to me had became a full trigger when I had PTSD attacks to two more people even though they were able to accept 'no.' It had became a compound trauma. ((This is why I went on longer breaks a few times btw))

Time kept moving for the writer/god of this world. They were still experiencing painful things and affecting me along with them. This sucks.

Sinbad's form disappeared into his tower. I felt sick to my stomach. My attraction wasn't going anywhere, and now it looked like he might actually like me back. I have an obligation to stay in Sindria; I can't run away this time. My heart was a broken vase that could no longer hold onto the feelings being poured into it. Any time the vase started to be repaired, I broke it again myself before anyone else could beat me to it just like I did earlier. I'm not one to repeat the same mistake many times once I know where it's coming from. But was Sinbad worth it? He said he wanted to choose a new path. Depending on where this new path went, he would be. And even if he wasn't worth it, I am worthy of healing for myself.

((Hi everyone. The thing about processing trauma is that it can take a long time. Writing this is definitely helping me, but it also means that the posing rate is based on my recovery. I thought I had this chapter done and just needed to do the art when I finished the previous chapter, but in working on the art for it, and working on writing the next arc I realized it was missing something: Mori's/my perspective which is the side where I actually process things. I have many chapters worth of content written for the next arc but there was something wrong with it, and I realized I was avoiding writing my perspective more often and when I did write it I was just filling my time with so much that I didn't have to think about the hard stuff -it's a bad habit that I know I have and am working on.

Even after figuring out what was missing and writing the last scene, I struggled with drawing the harder parts of the chapter. I talked to Lyly about it, and they made me feel better about not having more art throughout.

Anyway, I have no idea how long it will take me to get the next arc done enough that I can start posting. Processing stuff is hard but important and necessary for growth. In the meantime I will be responding to Simpbad Collection Asks, and posting more stuff there including a scene that I couldn't manage to fit before the Sindria Arc, and concept & outfit art. I'll also be going back and rereading what I've posted so far, and fixing any more spelling and grammar mistakes I find. It's been a while since I last did that.

Thank you all for being so patient with me. ))

[stormikins]

Ao3 mememe

Tagged by @swaps55 thank you!!! <3

no pressure tags: @commander-krios @xoshepard @omniblades-and-stars

(and my ao3 is here lol)

How many works do you have on ao3? 34!

What's your total word count? 189,941 over three years

What are your top fics by kudos?

One Step Closer (HFW: Aloy/Kotallo one shot that turned into two chapters lol)

Cold Hard Facts (Mass Effect: Mshakarian getting together fic)

Better From You (HZD: Aloy/Avad face painting fluff)

The missing piece (Mass Effect: Mshakarian didn't know they were dating. its garrus. garrus didnt know they were dating)

Distraction (HZD: Aloy/Avad pre-relationship Aloy has feeeelings)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I try my best to! Someone actually decided to leave a comment about my fic and I want to make sure that they get appreciated the same I way I feel appreciated. But sometimes I don't know what to say in response thats not just thank you! lol I think commenting is very important for fic writing and i want to encourage more people to comment

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Ohhhh boy. an end, once and for all first comes to mind which is where Shepard dies post crucible firing, Tali POV. I still get shouted at for that. The consensus is shattered remains aka Shepard goes to Alchera. I cry every time I read this so. take that as you will.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Ehhhh SSV Normandy: mobile home for the galaxy's most competent fools probably. Basically, Shepard and Wrex get together early in me1, and throughout the games' story, the others don't realize they're together. So it ends with the crew realizing they are and that Shepard and Wrex have been fucking with them the entire time.

Do you write crossovers?

Not necessarily a huge thing for me, but I am writing an Alien(s)/Mass Effect thing where Shepard is Ripley. So it's basically the first two movies, but with ME characters and setting and stuff.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, but i did receive a weird comment where they mentioned something that did not have to deal with the fic. no hate, just weirdness

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, and i dont really know how to answer the second half of this lol. i guess some of it is emotional but that's when there's like 50k of fic before that. my smut oneshots arent very emotional. they're there for one reason and thats okay theyre fun

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really, no. I've helped people write their fics, but nothing has ever been formally stated to be co-authored by me (which is all good). I'm kinda hesitant about co-writing bc I can be controlling so i don't wanna clash with a friend yknow?

What's your all time favorite ship?

I feel like the answer would be Shepard/Kal'Reegar. bc i go bonkers over it. Which does make sense since I designed both of them and i know what i like. they mean a lot to me these two

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Everything? I got over a hundred (probably close to two hundred) wips in varying states of completion but the main one that haunts me i don't think I'll finish is a Aloy/Varl which is my first fic posted to ao3. Maybe one day.

What are your writing strenghts?

Dialogue! I'm real good with it, and I enjoy writing character interactions through it, I really excel in this area. Another thing I'm good at, is taking small details and expanding upon them and/or turning them into something more important.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description and internal monologue. I'm very much what the characters are doing is how they are feeling type of writer

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I personally don't do it because I only know English and I prefer if someone is writing a lot in a different language ( looking at mando'a ) translations are provided at the end of the fic or smth like that. its just nice but obviously not required and its not really a thing at all lol

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson back in 2016

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I want to write for Arcane and I do have a little bit written but I am deep in Mass Effects so we'll see how far I get lol

What's your favorite fic you've written?

the glow of stars or Pull Me Into Orbit PMIO is my rewritten (in progress) Kal'Reegar/Shepard fic that i have spent so much time on and put in a lot of thought and care and love. When im in the groove with this fic and its universe, I am truly happy.

the glow of stars is something that I'm really proud of, not only in a technical sense but also in the content of the fic. Shyrik, Shepard came back wrong and it's just very interesting and captures what I enjoy from a comes back wrong fic. It's one of the best things ive ever written and im very proud of it (i didnt think it was gonna be this good but people have said otherwise!)

[yujeong]

VegasPete and Childhood's End: a deranged attempt at connecting two completely unrelated things

Hello there, fellow VP enthusiasts. This post here is my remaining 2 braincells trying to come up with ways the silly, little book known as Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke and the silly, little couple known as VegasPete are connected, and how the show chose this book for Vegas to be reading in episode 11 for reasons beyond its title. I swear it's true, I asked Pond, he told me about it, trust me. I said in the tags of this post that I have started reading the book because I have a fic idea I wanted to write (which will happen next year now, after I finish the book), and after I shared my observations on the kindergarten mafia server, I thought to myself why not make a Tumblr post too? So, here I am. I would like to clarify that I will be spoiling major parts of the book, obviously, so anyone who doesn't want to get spoiled, don't read this post and the ones after it. Also, this is the version of the book I bought like 5 days ago from a well-known bookshop at the center of Athens, which sells English books too, bless them. Just so you know what my source is. (Unfortunately, getting the version Vegas was reading might be difficult - if not impossible - in Greece to find, because I believe it's one of the first editions? I'm not sure. Nevertheless, I have the book in my hands, which is what counts.) If I make any mistakes in regards to the information I'll provide about the book, the story and the characters, I apologize in advance. It'll probably be me not being careful enough while reading it and missing sth. So, without any further delay, here we go:

The basic premise of the book is a concept that's become cliche in the recent years: aliens called the Overlords have taken over the Earth, bringing prosperity to it but leaving humans with having no actual freedom in their choices. So, reading up to page 34, we learn that there's a specific Overlord called Karellen who's responsible for ruling the Earth, and we also get introduced to Stormgren who's the intermediary between Karellen and the human race, with the title of "Secretary". At first, I had made the connection of Vegas being Stormgren and Karellen (or the Overlords in general) being Gun, because Stormgren trusts Karellen with ruling the human race, just as Vegas idolizes his father who can totally bring prosperity to the family and make it better by force (an important element since the Overlords just came and declared themselves the rulers of the planet and took over). Also, there's an element of secrecy with Karellen, because it's been 5 years since he arrived on Earth but no one, not even Stormgren, knows what he looks like. This causes Stormgren to be a bit suspicious of Karellen, which he rarely shows and tries to push the feeling down when it resurfaces. In the same way, I thought this could connect to Gun who's hiding stuff from Vegas - Porsche anyone? - which Vegas will start having thoughts about post ep 11. All of that is fine and good, BUT I wouldn't be a Pete girlie if I didn't try to include my boy in this. I think all of the above I mentioned is more about Pete than Vegas. And, judging by how obsessed Vegas became with Pete post ep 10 - after their masks fell off and he saw who Pete truly was - I am confident in my belief that Vegas reading Childhood's End would think of Pete, not himself (sth he already does at this point but you get what I'm saying). SO, Stormgren is actually Pete, who follows Karellen's words almost blindly, and almost is an important word here because in the book, he does argue back about things and is vocal about his opinions, even if Karellen smartly turns them down. Karellen is generally very softly spoken, polite and very human like in the way he talks, so in my opinion he resembles Korn way more than Gun. There's also a character who calls Stormgren out on his blind faith in Karellen, and if this isn't Vegas telling Pete that "there's no such thing as honesty", I don't know what it is. Now, for the fun part: Stormgren gets kidnapped by a group of humans who want the Overlords to leave and not only is the dude semi-casual about it on the surface while keeping his panic under wraps, in the end his captors, after explaining how they got him and what their plan is, throw a pack of cards at him and ask him to play poker with him, which causes Stormgren to laugh like he hasn't laughed in years. I'm just imagining Vegas reading this and shaking his head, putting on his clown shoes, thinking: these guys are so stupid, encouraging their captive be this nonchalant around them, I would never.

[photmath]

I'd trust you more Emily to be apart of the recovery team than whoever in PSG. I'm sure the staff is great but I don't trust the institution behind them to put his mental and physical health first especially with all these constant transfer/selling rumors

OKAY. BECAUSE I DO HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THE PHYSICAL HEALTH ASPECT of this, so i'm going to sit here and spill it.

I HATE HATE HATE PSG'S RECOVERY TEAM. LIKE FULL SLANDER AHEAD TOWARDS THEM IDC. Just a straight, unrestrained piece of my thoughts and their physiotherapist team and LACK of professionalism.

TW: mentions of Hakimi, not of what is going on with him, but player-injury and performance wise. Kimpembe's ruptured Achilles ):

so not sure how many people know this but I’m a third-year undergrad student studying to be a physical therapist (PT) right. I’m American, so the logistics of this get lost between America and Europe--and even between the states of America because everything is so different when it comes to injuries and recoveries, etc. I recently found out that even like a team like PSG, doesn't have “athletic trainers” which is what we — Americans — call on-the-sideline medical people. they have “physiotherapists.” which in America, sounds similar to “physical therapist” but turns out it isn’t the same thing at all, although they're similar. Athletic trainers are the first on the scene, they're who you see that first treat an injured player (in America), and PTs are more behind the scenes. They're more in charge of the recovery process after an injury/problem, while the ATs do the first initial findings and just make sure the injured player gets off the field in a safe manner.

So my assumption, is that a physiotherapist (in anywhere other than America) is in charge of both on-the-sidelines examinations and off-the-pitch recovery?? I could be entirely wrong or maybe some are in charge while others aren't. In America, that is simply not how we do it, so I've just been trying to make connections ever since the World Cup. But if you know or anyone for that matter knows, please let me know because I am so intrigued.

Anyways, all that to say, Hakimi and Kimpembe's ongoing injuries should never had happened. It was known that after Morocco played their last match against France, that Hakimi was battling an ongoing thigh injury. He had been battling it throughout the WC. So when he returns to PSG, he plays for approx. 11min against Strasbourg on Dec. 28--which okay, not bad. Semi-green flag, although no one knows how injured/uninjured this thigh really is.

The real problem starts when he comes back to play the FULL 90min on Jan 1. Which, raised major alarms in my head, because this a hamstring we're talking about. Hakimi is known to be an explosive player, so it's bound to be strained whenever they sprint. Anyway, he's suspended for the next match bc of yellow card accumulation, so he doesn't play again until Jan. 15 (FIFTEEN!!!) for 34 min--which, okay, not bad. I'll let this one slide. It's a little over a 15-20min range and literally fourteen days have gone by without him playing a high-intensity 90-min match. So I'll say it's a yellow flag.

And then we hit the match against Riyadh and Hakimi plays for 64 min which okay, that isn't all that much bad but it's still kind of a lot. We've gone from 11min to 90min(!) to 34min and now 64min. Like seriously what are we doing here? Then, we have that 7-0 game in the French Cup that he plays for 31 min, which okay, we've dwindled down more than half of the minutes he previously played. Just I mean, the roller coaster is riding itself here. It's a lot, it's chaotic, not consistent. And consistency is what WE WANT. It shouldn't be chaotic at all.

He then plays FOUR matches for NINETY MIN EACH the next couple of weeks, BUT then only plays for 25min the game before Bayern. I think this was around the time he had reinjured his thigh at some point during training, so it tracks (and makes sense why he's having problems). Then, Hakimi is obviously subbed off during half time because of that thigh against Bayern. AND LITERALLY WHAT DID THEY EXPECT. i mean, i was so baffled at that. Just straight chaos at best there. We haven't seen him since that Feb 14 matchup [but won't be surprised to see him in the starting lineup against Bayern now that Mukiele is injured].

Kimpembe's history IS EVEN WORSE. LIKE HIS IS SO MUCH MORE WORSE. He hadn't played since November 2022! And even then it was on and off between his Achillies and hamstring in September-October 2022. So he misses the World Cup, doesn't play again until Feb 11 2023 against Monaco, wooo!! I think everyone did like a loud standing ovation when he entered at the 80th min, which wasn't bad. I liked that. Green flag!

But then Bayern match on Feb 14, Kimpembe is the one who replaces Hakimi at the 46th minute so you know okay, this situation certainly isn't ideal for Kimpembe, but PSG is just out of options here and it's Bayern. So, everyone is just forced into this bad position.

An Achillies injury, any kind of pain or minor sprain to it, is just complete ASS. It's awful, debilitating, I mean you simply cannot continue unless you want to endure major pain and cause further damage. An Achillies is like the major tendon that holds the whole backside of the leg together. I mean part of the ankle, bottom of the foot, and both calf muscles, are all being connected to this damn Achilles. So it's kind of important. Think, like the ACL of the knee.

And then Kimpembe plays the FULL 90 MINUTES in a match five days later. Red flag. I mean, c'mon now, it's a lot. I mean I wish I could say I was surprised that in his next match after that 90min game, he goes and ruptures his Achilles, but I wasn't. There was no gradual re-entrance of him. This is a defender we're talking about. Sprints and break-aways are going to happen. You have a guy like him with an injury like that play 10min-44min-90min back to back like that?? I get it, injuries were tight, defense was awful, the youngsters were playing horrible. But holy hell, why did we have to sacrifice our guy like that?

Kimpembe's injury should have never happened. It was too soon of a full-on return, not at all gradual, just completely awful management of both PSG's physiotherapist and medical staff--and fuck it, coaching staff. They obviously have the education so my opinion is just unvalid, but I don't understand how they were completely fine with letting Kimpembe play for so long in such short time. It wasn't like he was playing in mock 90-min scrimmages and following an explosive player (ex. Mbappe) around. They don't that. Scrimmages are no where near the real game anyway.

So yeah, that was a lot, but god only knows how upset I am about Kimpembe's situation and PSG's lack of efficiency. And God, do not get me started on Mukiele's CURRENT Achilles tendon pain going on or Nuno Mendes iffy return as well.

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

1. What is you middle name? It's either bait ali or ali bait [roughly translates to house of Ali] [[not many people know about my middle name lol] 2. How old are you? 14 3. When is your birthday? 27/11/2009 4. What is your zodiac sign? Saggitarius 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 5. What is your favorite color? Red/orange/purple/black 6. What’s your lucky number? 6 7. Do you have any pets? Used to 8. Where are you from? Technically i'm from iran but i don't look it, i was born in kuwait and my mum just tells me to say 'iraqi' 9. How tall are you? 166cm 10. What shoe size are you? idfk 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 2 of the same pair 12. What was your last dream about? Reliving a bad memory, then finding the person everywhere and trying to hide while my mum drags me closer [we had to go run errands, but i'd always find him there and i couldn't leave] 13. What talents do you have? I can turn off my emotions :3 14. Are you psychic in any way? Answered this 15. Favorite song? Right now it's honeypie [for the beat, it makes me happi] 16. Favorite movie? idk 17. Who would be your ideal partner? I'm aroace so idfk 18. Do you want children? One day i might wanna adopt a kid, but i aint sure 19. Do you want a church wedding? I don't want any wedding lol 20. Are you religious? Spiritual not religious 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? who hasn't??? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Never been caught doing illegal shit but the worst thing i've done was like, steal a fucking math book 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Nat Amoore [author, but i dont think she's a celeb lol] 24. Baths or showers? showers 25. What color socks are you wearing? None, i'm on my bed lol but i wear black socks 26. Have you ever been famous? nuh-uh, thank god 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Would rather die /gen 28. What type of music do you like? Vocaloid, breakcore, indie/alt rock 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nuh-uh 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two, one to hug and one to hide my books/laptop [i don't sleep on it though 31. What position do you usually sleep in? Fetal but hugging a pillow 32. How big is your house? Not ours, but it's medium 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I don't eat breakfast lol 34. Have you ever fired a gun? If only 35. Have you ever tried archery? If only times two 36. Favorite clean word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious 37. Favorite swear word? fuck 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? idfk a week? 39. Do you have any scars? yea 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Complicated but yeah, twice/thrice [?!?!?] 41. Are you a good liar? Yeah, when i want to be 42. Are you a good judge of character? I don't think so 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I change accents depending on who i'm talking to so 44. Do you have a strong accent? Nope 45. What is your favorite accent? I think irish cus it sounds cool 46. What is your personality type? Entp! [i was esfp then enfp then intp then entp] 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? I'm not sure 48. Can you curl your tongue? ye 49. Are you an innie or an outie? innie 50. Left or right handed? Left 51. Are you scared of spiders? only super big ones, but i usually just freeze when one is on me 52. Favorite food? Rice and yoghurt w lentils [imjadarah] 53. Favorite foreign food? Warag anab [vine leaves i think it's called] 54. Are you a clean or messy person? messy asf 55. Most used phrased? "[accidentally dirty thing] you say?" "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" [irl] 56. Most used word? "FUCK-" "WOOHOO!!!" "REALLY???" [irl]

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Not too long but i procrastinate it a lot so a while lol 58. Do you have much of an ego? The lowest fucking ego but i'll gaslight myself into thinking yes anyway 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck 60. Do you talk to yourself? Constantly, usually internally though 61. Do you sing to yourself? If i'm comfortable with the people i'm around, i will just randomly break into song 62. Are you a good singer? Not good, not horrible 63. Biggest Fear? Things never getting better 64. Are you a gossip? No, but if someone starts it i'll go along with it 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? I don't watch dramas lol 66. Do you like long or short hair? All hair is cool, but i would love to have shorter hair 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? the only states i know are 1-north carolina 2-idaho 3-Texas 4-florida 5-ohio 6-Washington 7-Wyoming 8-South carolina 9-Arizona [on the spot at least] 68. Favorite school subject? sport/gym 69. Extrovert or Introvert? I love people but i get overwhelmed easily so i need to recharge, i've been called an extroverted introvert so idk 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope, seems scary 71. What makes you nervous? being alone with one person 72. Are you scared of the dark? Not really, if i feel something in there i flip off the darkness and say "Fuck you" and it makes me feel better 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Rarely 74. Are you ticklish? Kinda 75. Have you ever started a rumor? Accidentally in like 3rd grade about a killer being in the window of the unit outside our school [i was misunderstood] 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Sometimes i have to parent my siblings when my mums gone but not really 77. Have you ever drank underage? No 78. Have you ever done drugs? nope 79. Who was your first real crush? it's complicated lol 80. How many piercings do you have? two, but they're closing off 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ Answered this 82. How fast can you type? retook it 79WPM 83. How fast can you run? I'm really fast, it's very rare that someone can run faster than me 84. What color is your hair? Black 85. What color is your eyes? Very dark brown, i can't see my pupils if i look in the mirror 86. What are you allergic to? Bug bites, dust [well my sis is and i get the same reactions] 87. Do you keep a journal? Not anymore 88. What do your parents do? Not eachother that's for sure /silly My dad is a security guard and i'm not 100% sure what my mum does89. Do you like your age? No i want to be 18 asap 90. What makes you angry? Injustice 91. Do you like your own name? Robert? yes. Given name? fuck no. 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Nope 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? None lol 94. What are you strengths? Competitiveness, open-mindedness, self control when it comes to hurting others 95. What are your weaknesses? People pleasing, i dislike myself greatly which is probably a weakness, self control when it comes to doing something bad 96. How did you get your name? It came to my mum in a dream 97. Were your ancestors royalty? no but there was a knight who was also a poet, hatim al ta'i 98. Do you have any scars? y e 99. Color of your bedspread? I don't use any 100. Color of your room?

White

[hopeymchope]

re: toxic fanbases. I'm not good at telling what fanbases are toxic. I'm both a doormat ("that rando who started yelling at me all of a sudden probably has a good reason and I'm dumb for not seeing it 👍") and a weirdo who tends to stay within very small circles. With Danganronpa, I feel like there's *something* that makes it a little jarring compared to other communities, although it's by far not the worst community I've personally interacted with.

Its popularity definitely plays a massive role; it's actually impressive to see how active Danganronpa circles remain after all this time, but the downside is that there's a lot of brainrot, distant memories, and most importantly people who've been involved with it for WAY too long. I myself have definitely grown horribly bored of having the same tired debates be brought up time and time again - I can imagine people with a different personality from mine getting very upset over that.

Though I don't feel a connection to that aspect at this time, the prevalent young fanbase also comes with its qualities and flaws.

I could go on, because this community is so large and so old that it's genuinely, like I already mentioned, jarring at times. I'll turn my back from being told DRAE is irredeemable media because it uses dark humour to see someone draw a Komaru with giant tits requesting coitus. There are times when interacting with Danganronpa fans has made me wish I'd just never known about Danganronpa at all, so all things considered, even if I can't put words on it, there's a strong negative aspect to it.

At the same time, I don't know how it being Danganronpa specifically relates to some negative experiences I had - was some of the abuse I endured as a Wiki admin related to the way the DR fandom is? Or did it have to do with Wikis more than it did with DR, with French users more than it did DR? Maybe the problem is that this series has given so many of us such intense brainrot and we can't stop getting involved with it.

Sorry if this long ask is annoying in any way - I figured you might be interested in exploring the conversation around how the DR fandom might come across as toxic, objectively or subjectively OTL

One thing I remember for sure is that when I posted Akudama Drive LGBTQ headcanons, I felt perfectly fine and happy about it - but when I decided to post my Danganronpa headcanons too, I had a strong feeling that I was taking a risk, however small. That's not a very nice feeling to get as an adult who's just trying to be a little happy and silly with PNGs.

Oh, I don't mind a long ask at all! I'm grateful for the detailed thought you put into this, honestly. :) I'm a pretty wordy person myself — you may have noticed.

I think a lot of what you're describing as negatives within the DR community are unfortunate constants with fandoms of ANY popular media these days. Not ALL of it, but....

Every piece of media is gonna be declared irredeemable/offensive/problematic by some parties now if it delves into any kind of darkness or deals with any kind of major crimes, it seems like I've seen more than one person online state — with a straight face, mind you — stuff like "Danganronpa is toxic AF, many of those characters are LITERALLY murderers" and I'm just over here thinking are you fucking serious? I don't remember seeing people say stuff like this in my fandom circles before 2019 or so, but I see it everywhere now. It seems to have grown more prevalent since the 2020s hit? There are people who just can't stand to deal with any moral grayness, any dark theming, etc — and they don't think anyone else should allowed to enjoy that stuff either. (Now I'm wondering whether there are people similarly dismissing Akudama Drive. Much smaller fandom, so maybe you don't see that. But I can imagine someone grumbling "These characters are LITERALLY criminals, wtf." LOL)

We all know Internet Rule 34, but I feel like there are certain built-in multipliers to it that increase how widespread it is. Animated media? That's a multiplier that will cause even MORE porn to exist. Japanese media? That's another multiplier. Which means there's tons of porn of DR characters — even for the teen characters that're underage in most countries like Komaru. At least I've never stumbled across porn of the small children like the Warriors of Hope, THANK FUCKING GOD. I sadly don't doubt that it exists, but I hope to god it remains in a dark corner, out of my goddamn sight.

And I definitely feel much, MUCH more afraid to say anything about LGBTQ headcanons for popular media than I do for relatively small fandoms. Maybe that's partly symptomatic of being American in an era where tolerance and acceptance of LGBTQ people is sliding horiffically backwards? At least I think I'm safter to share such things on Tumblr than I would be on Reddit. I'd be afraid to talk about my personal DR LGBTQ headcanons, too. I've even drafted a post about that once and then been like "You know what? No. I'm not opening myself up to abuse for this," leading me to delete it. I've done similarly for the Madoka Magica fandom as well... too active, too big = too likely to result in blowback. I believe Akudama Drive is a pretty small fandom, though, so it makes sense to me why that'd feel like a more comfortable place to talk LGBTQ concepts.

But with all of that said, I can't claim that the infighting over interpretations of characters and events that I see on the DR Wiki is something that every fandom deals with. Maybe some of them do; honestly, Fandom Wikis weren't really so huge a thing before I got deep into DR in the back half of the 2010s, and I haven't really gotten involved with any of the Fandom Wikis I've come across afterwards either. So I don't know for sure! But it seems like that could be uniquely unpleasant about the DR fandom — the way people define "canon" as a matter of personal interpretation.

Since I'm stuck on the English side of the DR Wiki, I'm not certain whether you deal with the same stuff in the French incarnation. Characters like Komaeda and Ouma are especially difficult to police — they have so many fans who think they are pure of heart, and so many fans who find them loathesomely manipulate, and you can't necessarily be certain what about them is true or false. Put all that together, and it's hard to keep things to "Just The Facts" when people fundamentally disagree on what the facts ARE, which can lead to a lot of infighting among the people editing the thing! God... even deciphering the truth about what's going on in V3 and determining how we should or shouldn't explain that haziness is an awfully sticky wicket all by itself.

[pandaspwnz]

TLDR: went to the hospital today because I had all the symptoms of a heart attack.

Thankfully though it was not a heart attack!

Most of my symptoms were explained by my low ferritin (iron storage) levels, which the doctor described as "basically completely empty"; It's at 12 µg/L (it should be 15-120, with anything under 30 clinically considered low), and she suggested I talk to my doctor about iron supplements, and when I told her I've been taking 2 a day for 6 months she legit made this face and said "and it's still so low?"

same bestie

The low iron and ferritin doesn't explain the chest pain or extreme nausea I've been having, but I'm assuming I've maybe just caught a cold or something, and it being an added stress on my body AND just after my period is maybe why I'm feeling so much worse than normal, because I went back and checked my last 3 blood tests, and though my ferritin levels are at 12 today, they were lower the last two times: yet I still felt worse today than I did then. My iron level however is currently the lowest it's ever been at 4 µmol/L (should be between 9-34). But I had an ecg and my heart is normal, and I do have slightly high blood pressure and a high pulse (usually both are normal although last month I did also have a bp test that was a little too high) but I'm sure some of that can be attributed to the stressful situation I was in.

So most likely I'll need iron infusions because my body clearly does not absorb iron correctly (IBD, heavy periods, and being a vegetarian definitely not helping babes) and honestly I'm so fucking excited. It actually feels like there is a solution, or at least a help for why I've felt so bad for so long and only gotten worse, and it's at my fingertips. It explains so much from my daily life, the fatigue, the body pains, the headaches, the difficulty forming sentences, it could be exacerbating my ADHD (like what if my ADHD isn't actually as severe as it seems but I just have a severe iron deficiency that's impairing my cognition?), how my hands and feet are always cold, how often I feel physically weak, my brittle hair and nails, etc and like imagine if these things could get better. What a wonderful life that would be, to feel almost normal?

But yeah I was very unsure about going to the hospital because I was pretty certain it wasn’t actually a heart attack even though I had all the symptoms because I already knew I had low iron and that it can cause arrythmia (I did not know my ferritin level though), and I even felt silly when I called the emergency room to ask if I should come in, but I figured it was a better safe than sorry situation. I felt so horrible earlier in the day and almost fainted when I was out shopping with my mom, and we talked about it and agreed that if she had been the one with my symptoms, I would want her to call in and make sure she was okay, and I feel better about it now. The nurse and doctor were very kind, and nobody made me feel like I was being silly, and they agreed it was better to check one time too many than one too few.

Also, kind of a sidenote, but when I was waiting for mom to finish up at the bakery at the mall (this was before I was concerned it might be a heart attack, I didn't think about that til I came home just to clarify), I had to sit down on the floor and cover my eyes while I tried to breathe right, and this older gentleman came up and crouched down next to me and asked if I was alright. And ya'll this man had the kindest face, he looked and seemed so compassionate and genuinely concerned for my - a total stranger's - wellbeing, and I actually almost burst into tears. I told him I was okay, I just had low iron and was feeling dizzy, and he asked if he could get me anything, and he was just so unbelievably sweet. I have never in my life had that experience before, and it just, as small a gesture as it may have been, really made me feel better about humanity as a whole. I don't think I'll ever forget that man for as long as I live, and even though it was like a 20 second interaction, it really meant and means so much to me.

[shiki-stars]

Sailor Moon - Thoughts (S01EP01-EP12)

I binged through the first season of Sailor Moon (46 episodes) in four days (technically five, but it was only two episodes left after 12AM...), so I'll gather all my notes and talk about them now. I'll separate this into four posts and they're separated by the episodes I watched each day.

01-12 . 13-22 . 23-27 . 28-46

spoilers! regarding| tuxedo mask's true identity

Believe me when I say these posts are taking me for-e-ver because apparently my brain has never once uttered a conherent sentence.

Jan. 1

First of all. Usagi's mom is SO PRETTY. I love the shade of her hair.

She is beauty, she is grace.

The first time Usagi met Mamoru, I just. I could tell he was important to the story. I could guess who he was supposed to be (I'd be right about that, of course). He looked a little old, but I told myself it was just his attire and sunglasses.

The moment he took off his sunglasses I had two thoughts:

"IS THAT THE TUX GUY??? HE DOESN'T LOOK 14??? TOO OLD."

and

"Oh mah god, he has very blue eyes. Slightly disturbingly so."

Ultimately, having finished the first season, I will say Usagi and Mamoru's story together is lovely. However, I was still very uncomfortable with their dynamic prior to episode 34. More on that in a later post.

I really like Naru, even though we've only just met her, but I loved her whole look and voice. She has a girly way of speaking but a boyish tone. It's a really nice voice to listen to as it's not too soft or too brash. She's great, I sure hope nothing bad happens to her.

I haven't watched anime in a while to be honest, and if I did, they were just new seasons of anime I'd started previously. I don't know how common it is, but I'd forgotten how quickly the main conflict could be introduced(?) Even so, I think Sailor Moon was very quick to show us, the viewers, who the mastermind was. Usually, the main characters would be fighting the henchmen and their minions with little to no knowledge of a bigger person until later, which still holds true for Sailor Moon. The difference is that we knew of the bigger person. I think most animes would have had the viewers find out about the bigger person along with the cast, or only a few episodes prior. Again, I don't really know how common it is, I rarely remember the beginning of shows because everything after it shoves it in an unreachable corner. It makes sense though, I think; introduce antagonist/conflict, slice of life a few dozen episodes, reiterate conflict, another few dozens with more inconveniences and henchmen/minion fighting, reintroduce conflict and solve it within 12 episodes. The formula for most magical girl shows if I do say so myself, give or take.

FIRST TRANSFORMATION!!! Loved it. Iconic. The brooch is so small and dainty. I loved that when Usagi's top was forming, it forms a ribbon heart!!! It's so freaking cute.

I think what could also be really cute is to have a ribbon dance magical girl and she does that thing where she twirls the ribbon wand above her head while the ribbons fall and swirl around her body when she trasforms! I'm sure one exists out there. (Sailor Venus's transformation is almost exactly what I was envisioning, but I feel like it's still not quite there, it's not... ribbon enough...? Perhaps it's the way it doesn't flow like a ribbon and how it's moving too fast.)

Usagi said she was a Cancer so I decided to search it up, and it turns out we have the same birthday, June 30th! A few episodes later I found out we also have the same blood type???

The soundtrack is lovely, really. Very jazzy.

Feelings on Jadeite. He can be a pretty boy sometimes.

Other times, he's an abomination. It's okay Usagi. I would also cry if a man looked at me with that face. I just dislike the entire facial expression, especially the smug smile (I don't like smug smiles with a dip) and the weird eyes with large white... I don't know what it's supposed to be. The shine? Why is it so big? It's unsettling and not in a "I'm supposed to feel this way" way.

Expisode four :/ I'm sure their message wasn't to go on diets and that you have to be skinny to be beautiful, the opposite really, but the intent was not conveyed well at all. The episode was handled distastefully, from everyone feeding Usagi insecurities to all the girls experiencing anorexia. I'm having a hard time putting thoughts into words right now, but I'm sure this is a discussion many has had with other people, so I'll leave it at that for now.

I only noticed this in episode seven, but since episode six, Tuxedo Mask's cape was changed from a black and white... I don't know what to call this pattern, TO A BISEXUAL CAPE. Very slay. Canon.

Him jumping backwards into a rainbow is also very telling.

The "cool grown up musician" transformation is my favorite of all the appearance changes in season one. She looks so pretty and I love the way the stars are bouncing and synced to the music and beats!!! That and the three lines that shoot up UGH I don't know, it does something very giddy to me.

Sailor Moon getting an album was crazy though, I love that for her.

THE GREEN GOO. I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS SUCH AN EARLY EPISODE. If I had a nickle for every time an anime I saw on TV as a child turn out to be from an early episode without knowing, I'd have two nickles. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. Episode seven of Sailor Moon being one, Nami from One Piece stabbing her arm tattoo being the other.

I find it funny and a little silly that the monster decided they were also going to be in a bath towel even though there was no reason to take their clothes off in the first place.

I think what could've been really cool for the intro was to only reveal Ami and Rei here after they were properly introduced in their episodes! Keep their appearances a secret, only have Sailor Moon unveil herself at first, it would've been so cool TwT

I legit thought these three women were the same person until I opened three tabs and kept switching back and forth through each one (EP1/5/9). But in my defense I was watching these at 5AM with a rock brain and wax eyelids.

Episode 10 (when Sailor Mars was found) really tested my patience because Usagi cried so much. I hate characters that cry a lot (Deku) and I can understand crying because you're in pain or sad or frustrated, but Usagi cries to whine about the most trifling matters. I understand that being a crybaby is part of Usagi's gag and was made known to us in episode one, but I felt that it was way too overdone in this episode. Here's a screenshot of my live comments while watching episode 10.

Can I just. I'd like to make another comment. About Jadeite.

Submissive.

The following comment is not for Jadeite, it's for the pretty lady:

Smash.

Sorry.

Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique-

USAGI'S HAIRBUNS TURNING INTO STARS ARE SO FREAKING CUTE. JUST LOOK AT THEM. AUGH.

They're gay. They're so gay. This is a couple. Rei is bisexual. Ami is lesbian but doesn't realize until she's either in high school or college.

I ship them? A little? Don't have a specific reason. I like the way they flirt by not flirting? Maybe I just really like Thetis???

I will say, I'm a little dissappointed with the obvious favoritism going on. Not only is Usagi's transformation longer and more intricate, her top/skirt/boots/accessories all having a moment to shine while Ami and Rei's showcase a quicker full body transformation, she also gets her own music for when she uses her special skill, Moon Tiara Action. Ami and Rei, on the other hand, don't have such treatment for their Bubble Spray and Fire Soul/Akuryo Taisan. "Usagi's the main character!" "It's called Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon for a reason." Okay :( Give my girls justice.

That's all for episodes one through twelve! Check out some of my favorite screenshots :)

01-12 . 13-22 . 23-27 . 28-46

Beige Stars - Divder @/saradika-graphics Purple Hearts - Divider @/cafekitsune Purple Heart Fairy Lights - Divider @/benkeibear