#and then my bday is the 18 so I have no fucking money beginning my 26 year of life

[bloodyrobyn]

Hiding in the tags

[innisffree-blog]

2016

beginning: 2016 is shiny and new tommy and special k and liam--we drink tea and cuddle sem2 begins, ugh I dislike physics i dislike class idislike work (sorting leaves, grinding dirt) BUT there is late night penguin sliding in the arb, loitering about town, Sammy slamma jamma I grow closer to the mounge people
we are so annoying and terrible as a group (sd io kds sm nm sp sb pl. nb. ss jp ck. ns sd sk sh ab. etc etc) but I like being a part of this and being emancipated from the cove, an increasingly toxic place Lovely lovely people but I think glory hates me and this is an internal barrier i hate physics i dislike class i hate work (I’m not getting paid for this shit wtf) but i keep going bc “It’s all about the experience.” -Sujay Sarah + wilbur, I do not like wilbur for many reasons. i start to feel weird about sarah, my sister figure. she didn’t even tell me. glory definitely hates me, no one wants to own up to it barrier grows: • the fucking tshirts
• the special fucking breakfast club • the fucking group message barrier grows, I shrink. trying to claw my way out. took a risk, made a mistake (to be cont.) 
soc anx creeps back in at increasing pace I am failing physics. v day song with Nathan is a seemingly insignificant bright point dark point=all the hours I spent sorting dirt in the lab and the horror and embarrassment that is being a lowly freshman in research time goes on soccer I want to be friends with grace and Hannah etc!! Talk with grace and jon before we all move out and they were like duh we felt the same about you and this makes me disappointed and pleased at the same time, there is hope for next year w these cool people (I’ve regressed to having friend crushes) passed physics, passed everything, survived the anxiety attacks, goodbye for now umich, lessons learned jeez sem2=done, year1=done bordines! I like it there, watering flowers and rescuing snails for money. FL Cameron hates me fr now. Still don’t know why. Picnic w Mack to get back in the groove of clarkston life, she has changed a bit ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP 
(june 10 - july 10) I meet ~22 strangers in an Ann Arbor ally and we depart for Wyoming. After 3 days of driving, we arrive as a family. I love it already, minus the altitudesickness. we laugh a lot and have a good time in the mountains. i like these people a lot but especially Brady and jack b and ***MERYN WHIMSY CAMPBELL*** she is a jewel, she is a ray of sunshine, she is a princess in overalls. why did I try to reject her at first? she is so generous with her love that I couldn’t keep her out. I learned the biggest lesson of 2016 from her and she doesn’t even know it. climb a giant loaf of bread in the middle of the night to see the moonrise, barefoot & blind & by myself, a “risky bitch” -Loafie Sutz I see my shadow miles away in the sunrise on that spire thing 3 weeks in: kinda blow up and leave, walk into the wilderness by myself (bad) and swim to an island where I climb a big boulder and make new friends. I calm down. The Grand Nips are the most beautiful place I have ever spent a month, but I never want to see another minivan in my life. I (Pepino) feel at home outside. Caterpillar fights, bfast burritos, stars. Don’t want to leave. back to Michigan to rot. Try to go to mopop with Alaina but sell my ticket to sean during unnecessary study visit to A2 for the class I eventually drop out of. Sushi with sarah (sarah - Wilbur = i’m so happy abt this event that breaks her heart, I am a selfish friend) Calc ii eats me alive, I give up. More rotting. pentwater w fam, Meryn shows up. golf ball incident: I let myself blow up at dad, but Lauren is there and Alan is there and I come back feeling stronger. more rotting in clarkston. sem3! year2! I’m a mentor! so good to see everyone, I begin to appreciate Nicco a lot, become good friends with kastriot (another jewel) and others (matt and jon, etc), trash candy in nicco’s room and HOLY SHIT I love Alex so much, she is another sister figure. It's foreign to have friends who are girls. so excited abt life in mrc, living with Sarah is good and bad. happy. CONFIRMED(co Nicco): glory hates me EXPLANATION: im too friendly(?????) stumble upon ivy and shouri and keilah and I learn more abt this, they hate glory now, I fucking won the battle w my patience and kindness lolol (I hope she's moved on, I feel neutral about her)(drama is foreign to me) get rejected from EH Things are good, hanging out w old crew and rock camp ppl and the boy who i Like and needs to stop acting as though he Likes me too, v misleading sean’s bday @ the trap house / wolf shirts Housing 2017 is a mess, I am a mess :’| this issue is the tip o' the yikesburg FALL BREAK oct 15 -going up to backpack at pictured rocks with camp ppl, but I realized that I don’t rlly fit w them and also they are s l o w so I split and hike alone for 13 miles in one day, oct 16 ****this is the best day of my life**** screaming and yelling out to Lake Superior in pure joy almost falling off the cliff, seeing aaron on the trail, passing the starburst men, getting lost in a soggy forest after dark (kept my cool), getting picked up by Alan: muddy, bleeding, sweaty, thirsty, wielding a knife (Pepino the Risky Bitch™ is back) high on the sublime beauty of oct 16, 2016 oct 17 - study day, drive around Marquette with my boy tommy, climb around on an abandoned aqueduct, talk about life/love. I am so grateful for this brother of mine. oct 18- south! Pasties are gross oct 19 - bad stats test (50%) (how am I this dumb?) (everything is bad again) (this is the beginning of the descent) I stop going to class bc I can’t get out of bed. I haven’t seen my friends in forever. I don’t have friends anymore. I am trapped in my room/head. I want to die. Dropping orgo Failing stats Dropping/failing friends I want this to end. I want to jump out the window of 479 jo and fall like that raven off the cliffs. I want to pull a Chris McCandless, but I don’t have a car. Alex makes everything better by not telling me that everything is going to get better. she’s been there, she’s failed. I love having her around. Bond with tim and eduardo (woops) and alec and jiten at Chris’s house, but sober erin remembers the barriers I’ve lived on this earth for two whole decades!!(Failed a test on the same day) sad bday churros w Lauren, spent the night on the floor at her place. Meryn brought me oranges and a book about glaciers <33 seds is taking up too much of my time but it’s kinda nice. stubborn boy named haydar tries to bring me pad thai and I say no but we become pen pals anyway, now he knows too much. a good character in my life. Nicco takes an absolute SHIT on me - with one statement he discredits all the friendships I thought I had at umich. It isnt a big deal to him, it’s in the past, but it isn’t for me. barrier is complete. The ghost of glory lives on. Same day- Lauren storms out (why doesn’t she want equality??? I thought she had changed) and Kastriot picks up the pieces Time goes on, erin fails stats sem3=done, but a waste of time/resources. I hate myself. Clarkston grandma is drunk and sad Alan is there with Lauren I am kind of there pickling eggs w Mack– I still love her but man oh man she has changed Royal w tommy and nick new years at konrad’s abandoned ghost house, liam dangles me over possibly the last of the giant ass bonfires, graffiti in the barn loft. learned some stuff about konrad, but he is truly a starfish among urchins. Faith in friendship is restored by him and others and myself. I think I’ll stop hating myself now. 2017 will be shiny and new end