#and then like. 5 min later i was explaining some of the things i've already worked on and what i wanted to

[gloriousmonsters]

sometimes i'm like. am i actually a narcissist? just for a moment. then i remember that from the ages of like 12-19 i eschewed all other photographs or more normal forms of decoration to keep a framed photo of myself on either my desk or my bedside table where i could look at it constantly. cuz i thought i looked cute and confident and no it did not occur to me i might like to have a photo of like, a family member or some cool trees or something i just took like 7 years to go huh wait other people don't keep a photograph of themselves on their desks? what do you do when you want to look at yourself go all the way to a mirror??? anyway it wasn't realizing this was unusual that made me stop the photo just got water damage

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs XO, Kitty S1

Logistically, I don't know how a minor could apply for a school program without their parent's consent. Did Kitty just pass a form to Dr. Covey at some point without him knowing what he was signing?

"Did I just let my youngest daughter go to Korea to have sex with her boyfriend?" "No! No. Maybe." That's why they needed to have a white dad LOL. My family would be aghast

Very American of Kitty to consider "No English," in Korea, a rude response

"Oh, by the way, I decided to surprise him. He has no idea I'm coming." I'm sure that won't lead to any unforeseen consequences, Kitty

"I don't know anyone who'd do something like that." "Well, now you do. I'm Kitty." I immediately like Yuri, high femme chaebol gal who befriends with girls she hits with cars

Also think Kitty's supposed to be like 16 or 17, but immediately everyone we've seen from KISS looks a solid 5 five years older than her, minimum

"I can give you until tonight. If you can't pay by then, your enrollment will be cancelled." Things are not going well for Long-Distance Boyfriend Dae, it seems

"Apparently their housekeepers so you and Juliana... embracing last week?" Oh, she high femme for real. It does make me laugh that she's a lesbian called Yuri

"Her name was Eve Song?" "Huh. That doesn't ring a bell." Is Lesbianism a Han family tradition? Because that was a suspicious way to respond to someone bringing up your old friend

"God damn it, Q. This is bespoke!" While I am not well-versed in the lingo of Korean international schools, I don't think a teenage boy has ever said this

I was about to say the Dae reunion was going better than I thought it would, but then Yuri showed up holding onto him. Contextually, it seems like she's probably paying his tuition to cover her gayness, which then forces him into being unable to be honest with Kitty at the cost of his own schooling. It's all very icky

Very bold of Kitty to assume that literally anyone exiting the dance after her would be Dae. And she was confident enough to shout it from 20 feet away!

"You know I told my mum we've been dating since the summer, right?" "You know you only told me that four hours ago, right?" I enjoy Dae, he's spiteful little man

"I've just noticed that Americans speak louder than anyone else." I'll hand it to Alex, he's matching deranged introduction for deranged introduction

Where TATBILB was a very easy watch, so far XO Kitty is a hard watch in that the secondhand embarassment is through the roof. This is like a cartoon. Who is so comically ignorant of their surroundings?

WHY is Kitty in the Men's Dorm? Surely this is not a co-ed boarding school?

Update from 1 minute later: Song Covey gave boy vibes to the dormitory assigner, and that's all that was needed. How New Girl!

"I know you're trying to be a hero by letting that tourist crash here tonight, but this isn't a hostel." 1) It is her assigned dorm, Kitty is not crashing. 2) She may be a foreigner, but she is not a tourist. 3) Get got, Min Ho, you're a piece of work!

OHHHH Dae had the Dead Mum necklace, he just didn't want to give it up over this misunderstanding:

Yuri laughing at her dad terrorizing his employees reminds us all that before she is a lesbian, she is a rich person, and that means she is a little evil

What must Kitty make of this, her sort-of ex-boyfriend being forced into a PR conference in his pajamas?

"He will do better. So... 'lettuce' move on." Not Dae saving the Han Hotel Empire by being cute

"He's faking. That's a fake relationship!" Having such a weird relationship history in your family has to serve some purpose, and for Kitty, it has served acute observation skills

Over under odds on Kitty showing up directly at Dae's house somehow?

"It's fine. I already get made fun of in school anyway." Heartbreaking news from Dae's sister with duct-taped shoes

"And I promise, I can explain everything." Will that be before or after you sign the NDA, Dae?

"I'm with Juliana." "What does that mean? You're with Juliana?" "She was supposed to be at the welcome party. But she didn't come. All her social media's been deleted. And her phone's been disconnected too. I think her parents sent her away beause of me." Turns out Yuri is not that tough a shell to crack. Dae got through to her in seconds

Dae: I'm really sorry about your fucked up life, Yuri, would you care for a piggyback ride?

"No offence, but I hope we get to break up soon." "You and me both, kid." This is the polar opposite of Peter and Lara Jean's fake relationship. This is fully under duress

"But we didn't get to do any of the things we planned. New Year's Eve, northern lights, holding hands in public places. We were finally gonna get to be ourselves." [...] "Stay the fake shiny 'it' couple, so my parents forget about the rumours, and I'll be with you, kissing you, at midnight, in Iceland." Oh, to be solving life's woes over a leetle kiss with your girlfriend in the supply closet

Also: XO Kitty's first kiss on screen being Yuri and Juliana, hell yeah!

"You're well below the level of your peers here. And the work only gets more challenging." Wow, Professor Lee comes on strong with the hateorade. He didn't give Kitty a chance to fail

I did assume that Q was gay, but it is still exciting to see! And for him to be Persian and Filipino, very cool!

It feels so aggressive for Principal Lim (Yuri's Mum) to go straight from gritted teeth, "Don't mess up," to a soft, "Yuri-ah." GIRL

I expect I'll grow to like Min Ho, but man does he test my patience

"Now this is chemistry." Again, Kitty feels like she is a cartoon. The sole muppet in a sea of people

CRAZY butterfly effect of having Min Ho being a poopy baby leading to the destruction of Dae and Kitty's happiness

"I think my mom had a baby here." That is a direction I did not expect this to take!

Min Ho, you can't be poor little rich boy bc your actress mum is too busy for you. Yuri is already poor little rich girl, and she outranks you, bc she is more charming, gay, and fashionable

Min Ho is insufferable and deserves whatever Punishment Madison the K-Pop Stan Unleashes Upon Him

Kitty does really make having a dead mom 50% of her personality

"My mom would take me to the department store and forget me there." See, Yuri wins! Also, same

"You know that our moms knew each other at KISS? Crazy, right?" [Absently] "Yeah, crazy." Money's on Yuri's mum being involved in the adoption of the secret baby

Kitty continues to be a cartoon character in thinking she can break into a hospital record room illegally in a country of which she is not a resident. Girl, they can deport you whenever! Go file an information request to the local government, you Jim Henson Character of a Teenage Girl

"ADOPTED TO AUSTRALIA"????? ARE YOU TELLING ME NEW TEACHER ALEX IS THEIR BROTHER???????????? THAT IS BANANAS

"Q? Maybe just me and you next time?" Somehow Min Ho, has, in being terrible, circled back to being helpful in the Q + Florian romance

"Well one of your parents is Korean, right? Mine are both white." "Really?" "Yeah, I'm adopted." Let it not be said that XO Kitty is known for its subtle foreshadowing. Alex's literal next scene is this adoption conversation

Q's right though, she needs more than just a vague intuition Alex could be her brother. Get his birthdate. Find someone who knew your mother. Get a birth certificate

"I have an idea. Kitty should live here." HGKJHGKJHG so many things about this show are so contrived, the plot itself, Kitty and Dae's separation. However, I will allow this weird roommate livestream to be a plot device, because I do think a New Girl scenario sounds like fun. I love roommates to lovers:

"Your aggressive perkiness may have charmed your American teachers into giving you good grades, but here you'll need to put in more work." Professor Lee said: It's not enough for Kitty to fail my class. I must disparage all her other skills also

"Do you want to poison your classmates, or do you want my help?" I knew Min Ho would get me eventually. I think this is the ep. What can I say, I love an irritating man!

"We were roommates, but we weren't close." Here's my running theory based on the vibes around Kitty's mum and Yuri's mum. I think that Jina/Principal Lim WAS close with Eve, and that Eve let Jina check into the hospital under her name. So Alex is someone's secret brother, but I think it's Yuri!

[Gentle poke] "There's an actual person in there." "Don't try to get me on your side. I'm famously anti-Kitty." What a thing to say to someone's face, Min Ho!

Min Ho and Kitty come to a truce over Chuseok meals and the understanding that grief is a uniting force

"Not all people need to be star-crossed lovers to be compatible. Like hot people, for example." [Gestures to self] "We can and want to play the field." See, Min Ho has struck a balance of an arrogance level which charms me

What the hell is Kitty going to achieve by looping in Alex, she's found out nothing!

Yuri's Chuseok experience is seeing what it's like to be with a family that likes each other for the first time:

Yuri immediately reminds us that charming the Kim family she might, she is still self-preservation above all at the explicit cost of Dae's happiness. Taking the Dead Mum necklace is RANK behaviour

"This is exactly why I never had children." [Alex, upset] "Excuse me." Professor Lee enters the chat as Alex's dad??????? What?????

I can't believe that Min Ho getting the nickname Poopy Baby was foreshadowing. This show has so many swerves

"When he has a night with me, he won't be seeing anyone else after." Kitty's scheming has more success than I give her credit for

As Yuri's mum burns her yearbook page, I'm doubling down on Jina being the mum

"Our mum and Professor Lee?" "Our mum?" Well, the secret baby's out of the bag

As funny (and expected) a development as Min Ho's dream about Kitty is, the visual age difference is a lot. He's my age, and she looks 15! However, I'll allow it, I know she's like 20

"Kitty, we can't just upend everyone's lives. What if we're wrong?" "What if we're right? We'd be enhancing everyone's lives." "Stop. I know you're just trying to help, but not everyone's on your timetable." Incredibly fair boundaries from Mr. Alex

"Oh, my eyes! It's like looking directly into the sun." Hate to tell you, Min Ho, but that sounds a little romantic

Q and Florian are the Patron Saints of Underage Drinking and Protecting Your Friends On The Dance Floor, which was also my nickname in high school

Well, biological brother or no, I think Teacher Alex is going to Brother Up and drag Kitty's ass out of this club

It's so beyond the point of what's happening, but I do enjoy Lee getting a hate text from a student while he's practicing guitar. Deserved!

"I wanted to thank you, for helping me reflect on how I talk about others, especially women." Put this man in jail. I don't have a reason yet. I just know he should go

Yuri giving Kitty a snack and water to sober up. As she should!

The longing look between Jina and Professor Lee. I hate the vibes we are creating in the studio today

Also. Also. Not lost upon me that it seems Alex was admonished in this nightclub by probably his mum and dad. Blehbg

"Why does it feel like I've been zapped by a million volts of electricity when I look at her?" Kitty. You cannot have romantic tension with every person on this show!!!!! However, as a fellow bisexual: Ha ha

I'm glad that Dae found out about the necklace, although it came at the time him being emotionally dumped during Kitty's bisexual awakening

"Are you in a mood to make me coffee?" "Yes, but I will deeply resent you." "I can live with that." Min Ho and Q are fun

LMAO @ Min Ho owning up to having a sex dream about Kitty. Honest to a fault

Yuri is not a viable romantic option for anyone while she's blackmailing and extorting a relationship using people's housing and the Dead Mum necklace. Gross! Get some therapy girl

"I recognize that necklace. You and Eve Song got them together. Why didn't you tell me that Kitty was Eve's daughter?" "Why would I have? Does it matter?" I struggle to read where Eve fits into this weird faculty romantic triangle. I don't THINK she was dating Yuri's mum, but maybe!

"I need to know what she's hiding." "To understand her better?" "No, to destroy her." Yuri said: I never claimed to be healthy

florian is so efficient at meddling with Professor Lee. He not only delayed roll call, he got him to leave!

Yearbook confirms I was right, Eve did not have a secret baby, but Jina definitely did!!

Also: Yuri being like 'I'm sorry about the necklace' while Kitty's like 'NOT NOW, GAY THOUGHTS'

I love how much of this episode relies on Professor Lee having no peripheral vision whatsoever. I wonder what his prescription is

"I hope this day has allowed all of you to understand the consequences of your actions." They learned nothing, and they never will <3

Insane of Dae and Kitty to have a paparazzi makeout seconds after a paparazzi breakup

Good for Min Ho, finding a mercifully uncomplicated and willing girl to be a distraction

"I'm just so in awe of what a good friend my mom was." "And letting Jina use her name in the hospital was a big deal. If your mother is as kind and loyal she seems, you do have her essence." That is a beautiful compliment, Teacher Alex

"I'm going to help you." "How?" "Not sure." I'm curious to see what Yuri defines as 'helping'

"You are just so likeable and sincere, it's annoying." LOL YURI

"What excuse could you possibly have?" "I'm gay. And with the family I have, I'm not allowed to be." You gotta hand it to her, Kitty, that's a pretty good excuse!

"It doesn't feel great that he can lie to someone he loves that easily." "It wasn't easy for him. I pushed him into it and trapped him there." I'm glad Kitty gets Yuri's perspective on the fake relationship

I do love how consistent Kitty's matchmaker thing is. She loves love, in a slightly different, more deranged way than her sister

Also, the way it took Kitty one (1) day to get in touch with Juliana when Yuri has been trying for months

"She kept me warm on a very cold night." Idol Ocean Park rolls up to the garden cleanup to tell Min Ho he fucked his mum. That is the funniest possible thing he could do!

"You know I'm not going to put the moves on you." "I know." There's a fine line between homophobic and gay and Kitty is riding it:

"I don't get it. You were obsessed with me." "Yeah, I do that. I get all caught up in the chase but then... meh. Sorry. I'm still into hooking up though." "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I want more. I might be ready for a relationship." [Madison, disappointed] "Oh..." "It was you who helped me realize that in our week together. I'll always be grateful to you. Goodbye Madison Miller." 1) I love how this acknowledges that teenage relationships operate on a different timesphere and 2) I would watch a whole show of just this weird dynamic between Madison and Min Ho. Somehow I've grown to love it

I do keep wondering if Kitty will bring up if not her crush, then at least her sexuality to Yuri or Dae

"Everything is as it should be. Then why does it feel like my stomach is being ripped out?" I don't know, you just became friends like one day ago. You've loved Dae for years. Relationships are like that sometimes. Perhaps Yuri is your Peter Kavinsky

"I am your son." What must it be like to be accosted during your morning jog by your adult Australian son you surrendered under a false name who is also a teacher you employ:

"Lee doesn't know." "I figured." "No one knows but me and... Kitty Song Covey. She told you I was your mother." Jina figured out the path of parenthood reveals in 0.2 seconds flat

"Pay the boy to go away. This cannot be revealed to the public! Ever!" I don't know what you expected, Jina, you married a guy who throws salad at kitchen staff

"All my life, I thought it was me, but really, you're ashamed of yourself." Hey Yuri, maybe Jina can multitask

"Well, your best sucks. I love Juliana. Do you understand? And you sent her away to protect your image. And you care about that more than you care about me, or your son, who wants to get to know you." YOU TELL HER, YURI

"I have to live a fake life just so you'll keep loving me. And I'm done doing that." YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YURRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Kitty's really in an impossible position. If she's honest with Yuri about how much she knows, she hurts Alex. If she honours her promise to Alex, she'll inevitably hurt Yuri

"I wouldn't do that to a friend," [Min Ho looks at Dae] "or someone I care about," [Min Ho looks at Kitty] "I just wouldn't." Min Ho's honesty to a fault is also resurfacing with plot relevance. He expects the same level of trust he gives

No one in this show can have an emotionally faithful relationship. Kitty has strong feelings for Yuri while dating Dae, Florian's meeting some guy at night while dating Q, I suspect Yuri will fall for Kitty while dating Juliana. This school's a mess!

Poor Alex, he's caught in a middle of a lot of people who don't care enough except for Kitty

Oh, Florian was cheating on his exams, not his boyfriend. Arguably worse!

"I wasn't not honest, I just--" "Lied by omission?" I love that Kitty and Yuri are having this confrontation mid-fan dance. That's art!

Dae has not a hope in the world of coming out on top romantically. He's between a lesbian fan dance (Yuri) and relationship built exclusively on saving each other in crisis (Min Ho saving Kitty for Chuseok dinner, Kitty saving his lactose episode, Min Ho now literally sprinting through the crowd to save her from fire). Dae, unforunately, is just a guy

"Pull yourself together!" Jina's laugh said: I'm leaving my husband

"Daniel, follow me." "Why?" "Mom, what are you doing?" "I have no idea." Jina redemption arc for real

"I've really been trying not to, but I have feelings for somebody else." "I knew it. I saw the way he looked at you. I'm gonna kill him." [Yzma voice] Wrong loverrrrrrrrr

"It's not Min Ho. It has nothing to do with him." I can't get over the way Kitty says his name differently every time. Pick a pronunciation, my love

"Who is it?" "It's Yuri." I don't know if I was expecting Kitty to full send, good for her

Kitty has to understand it's reasonable to break up with someone who's told you you've had feelings for someone else the length of your entire in-person relationship

"I hope you can believe I only ever wanted the best for you." [Mr. Lee as Yuri voice] Your best sucks!

"Alex, can you and I go somewhere and talk?" "I'd like that." Ohhhh, we love Mr. Lee stepping up to get to know his son

"I got in a fight with Dae, because I have feelings for my friend Yuri, who's a girl." "Oh, thank god." Dr. Covey coming in with the happy familial vibes to balance out the bone arsenic

I think Q told Kitty about the cheating not for moral support but as a reality check

"What are you doing?" "Watching you sleep." "It's creepy." "It's not, it's maternal." LMAOOOOO glad Yuri and Jina are making some headway

"What about dad, what will he say?" "I don't know. And frankly, I'm tired of caring." Yeah, Jina!

"I'm sorry, but you will not be asked back to KISS." 1) Let's finally take a moment to adress this goofy school name 2) Your daughter did the same thing, is she being expelled? and 3) She actually WAS in her original assigned dorm. So. Riddle me that, Principal Lim!

Also, to say NOTHING of the failure of the school to address the physical safety and exploitation of a minor, bc her girl roommate was STREAMING HER SLEEPING IN HER DORM

Very American for Kitty to believe a cafeteria table speech would help her cause in staying in this Korean international school

I think Alex and Kitty genuinely have the strongest friendship on this show, save Q and Kitty

Min Ho saying, "Bye Kitty. Be good," while privately being emotionally devastated. I'm rooting for you, buddy

Good for Kitty for passing her exams, even if it was for naught

I do love that Dae is 'chase you down at the airport' kind of love. Kitty's right, that's the perfect first boyfriend

I was wondering when Yuri would intervene in the expulsion. Little late in the game

"We made up, but we also broke up." Healthy perspective, Kitty

"I think I fell in love with you. A little bit, or, a lot." OH MY GOD MIN HO, SHE'S COMING BACK TO YOUR SCHOOL, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES TO THIS ACTION. ALSO WHAT A WAY TO START A 10+ HOUR INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT

There was so much romance in this show, in bisexual directions. I can see now why people kept telling me to watch it. I do actually wish there was MORE roommates shenanigans, considering it's a scheme that only works once. I don't know how to sum my final thoughts, other than I hope Kitty goes on a three season arc, with one main love interest per season. I lean Min Ho, insofar as his little rich boy energy is much more benign than Yuri's, and he has charmed me. Best of luck in S2!

[stoopid-turtle]

BTS in Order Addendum 2

Second and final addendum for rn! This covers the translated bts clips for June that I found. Sadly, the playlist did not have July or Aug, so I can't go over those. If I ever do find July and Aug, I'll try to add it on.

As before, the timeline posts are already updated. I'm just highlighting some things here for those who don't want to hunt for the updates. Also, I tried to clean up some of the formatting but y'all, the formatting on Tumblr is just weird. I can't figure it out and I'm not gonna invest the time to do so, so I've done my best!

I can see where the WZC/GG pairing came from. GG and WZC seem quite close, often playful, and similarly physically affectionate to ggdd. Their dynamic is different, but I can def see how people could pull together a compilation of their bts clips for CPFs. (Not saying they were a real couple, like ggdd.)

Madam Jin did not seem to realize she was cast in a bl adaption.

There's much mentioned of dd's afterglow on 6.19 after the Dragon Boat Festival date, but I've never seen anyone mention that GG is also in a really great mood the next day. His first scene is in the forest with JC and JL, and he's all smiles and says, "I'm so happy this early morning. I really love my team."

JC says "Happy? What nonsense!" For some reason, this sets gg off on the giggles.

Needless to say, GG had his own afterglow.

Also on 6.19, there's this cute exchange between gg and the older lady producer (?), who is also from Chongqing:

Crewmember: So many beauties come from Chongqing. GG: I'm beautiful. Producer lady: More beautiful than me? GG: How can that be? Can't compare!

And then, a couple days later on 6.23, when dd is still gone, gg is in a hellishly rotten mood. He's visibly moody and unresponsive to xl and JC, both of whom try to cheer him up. At one point, he asks someone (his assistant?) if he has any crying scenes that day. And later he says, "Remember this feeling. After a month, when filming, definitely will..." I think he says something more to XL here, but I guess it was too quiet for the translator to hear. The implication to me is that he's gonna try to bring up the experience of his feelings in later scenes when WWX is having similar feelings.

Not everything with regards to the boys has to be about ggdd, so it's possible that gg's bad mood is bc of something else going on in his life. Family, friends, something with his company, politics, a stranger being a jerk, whatever. DD's one possibility among many. I did check out what dd was doing on 6.23 and 6.22, and he's on Produce 101, where he looks as DD (with a mullet) as ever. But there aren't any bts or unscripted clips of him where he might reveal a similar mood, so it's hard to say anything.

So basically, make of gg's bad mood what you will. It could be literally anything.

I need to talk about JC's fake butt

So the clip on 6.25, with JZX, Mianmian, dd, XL, and gg all chatting starts with them talking about JC wearing a "fake butt". I'm guessing butt padding? Some highlights:

DD is confused because he's "not even wearing jeans", to which gg asks if it makes sense to wear a fake butt in jeans.

The "reason" why JC wears this is apparently only known to XL and GG. XL refuses to explain.

GG says if she doesn't explain, dd will just walk up to JC and ask him, "JC, you wear a fake butt?"

Poor WZC did seem a bit put-upon on the set.

Also, unrelated, dd thinks sweat is sexy.

Also, the nasal spray that got passed around: looked sus, but not actually that sus. It's a Thai herbal nasal inhaler, which apparently looks a lot like people doing some uppers. (So much so that gg chastises the cameraman for filming it and XL turns her back to do it)

Also also, gg's rotten mood is gone. The clip on 6.23 of him being in a bad mood is only about 5 min long, and there's only a 45sec clip for 6.24. So basically, we have no idea what might have cheered him up and there are almost a full 2 days of stuff we know nothing about.

[seungminotes]

A Walk Home 

best friends to lovers w/ Kim Seungmin

a/n: I'm back from my hiatus and happy to say that I really like this piece tho it got kinda dramatic lmao hope you like it too! Always feel free to leave feedback!

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: cursing (like twice?) / gender neutral (please tell me if I messed up with something) / sort of slow-burn and not much payoff but I'd like to think it's very fluffy throughout!

"What took you so long today? I've been waiting here for at least 5 minutes," Seungmin complained at the sight of you finally approaching him. 

It usually didn't take you this long to reach him from your last class, heck sometimes he even had to drink water and you'd get to your usual meeting spot before him. 

Seungmin wasn't particularly the best at waiting on others, for whatever the reason really, he would have probably left anybody else behind by now. But alas, it was you he had been waiting for, and if facing the possibility of having to wait even longer for you, he most likely would. 

"Sorry, I had to talk to someone before leaving," you smiled at your friend, who was now pouting slightly.

You reached up to pinch his cheeks only for him to slap your hands away. 

"No pinching, let's go," he grabbed your wrist, dragging you in the direction of your usual route home. 

You'd known Seungmin for nearly six years now. Having met him when you both were in middle school after moving to the then new town, Seungmin had once been quite fickle towards you, but once he got over his initial disinterest, he realized you were quite special. You'd spotted him taking pictures of the daisies in his front lawn and annoyed him to no end to explain his interest in them. You remember the day vividly, especially now that the firm grip Seungmin held on your wrist highly resembled the same he held on that very first day you met him. 

-

"Aren't daisies a bit plain?" You snuck up behind the boy crouching in an awkward position, clutching his camera so tight his fingers were losing color. 

Seungmin held no reaction to the sudden appearance of someone around his own age spying on him from the sidewalk in front of his own home. In fact, he sighed with a tinge of annoyance at your unwithheld statement and hardly looked up at you, why couldn’t people mind their own business, he thought to himself. 

"I find them quite interesting, actually." He deadpanned, no intention of expanding upon his opinion to someone who he already deemed to be unworthy of his time.

Damn Seungmin was quite stubborn back then, he had barely even glanced at you, but good thing you were quite nosy. 

"How come?" You inquired further. 

Thirteen-year-old Seungmin was not in the mood to explain the complexities of a perfectly amazing daisy to someone who would most likely not care as much as he did about capturing their beauty. 

Nonetheless, he glanced back to where he had seen you standing to notice your figure now hunched over, examining a daisy closely, nose almost touching it's petals, as your lips parted slightly to blow softly onto the flower, clearly in your own little world.

Your rather odd gestures told him you may actually be interested in what could possibly be interesting about the small flowers sparse all over his lawn. 

He slowly approached you, more aware of your presence than before, and snapped God knows how many photos of your posing.

That was at least until he saw your hand reach up to pick the delicate flower from its stem. That’s where he drew the line! Promptly walking over to you and tightly withholding your hand with his awkward grip on your wrist. 

You’d taken the opportunity to look into his big, brown eyes and examine his now blushed face, ultimately deciding this boy was inexplicably ethereal. You could drown in the deepness of his irises and the urge to pinch his pouty cheeks was overpowering your own sense of respectfulness to this stranger. 

-

You remember how he later apologized and  quietly explained to you the meaning of daisies. After bringing out two peanut butter jelly sandwiches from the kitchen onto his porch, where the both of you shared the lunch, he began to ramble on to you about the perfections of a simple flower that was not so simple at all and it's symbolism of true love. 

And from that very moment on, you knew you had fallen in love with Kim Seungmin, the nerd next door who explained the very composition of flowers to you over a sandwich at age 13. 

And unbeknownst to you, Kim Seungmin had developed a disgustingly soft spot in his heart for his absent-minded  new friend next door. 

-

Nothing much had changed now. You were still hopelessly in love with Seungmin, who was as focused as ever on his studies and baseball team activities just six years later. 

-

The memory and realization fade just as soon as it came to you with Seungmin's grip on your wrist, which now that you look back down was still quite firm about a minute into your usual walk home. 

Though you could almost guarantee it wasn't anything intentionally done by Seungmin, it didn't fail to put a stupid smile on your face. 

So far Seungmin had noticed your rather quiet disposition, something he deemed off about you.

"Are you okay?" He asked. 

"Perfectly fine," you grinned, narrowing your eyes into happy crescents as you lifted the arm that currently clinged Seungmin's own hand, much to his embarrassment. 

He'd quickly released your arm at your teasing, opting to scratch the back of his head as he scoffed. 

"Who'd you stay to talk with today?" He asked. You'd assumed he was simply trying to change the subject from his embarrassment, but in fact, the thought of who you could have possibly spent just five minutes with after school had been eating him alive for the past minute. You had never made him wait, at least not without some sort of warning.

"Just a guy in my chem class, I met him by my locker on the way out," you responded, not giving your answer much thought. 

"What did he want?" He asked again. 

Seungmin sure had been asking an awful lot today. 

"Don't be so nosy, Seungmin! It really doesn’t suit you. It doesn't really matter much anyway. And how do you know I wasn't the one who wanted something from him, huh?" You teased him slightly, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Can't I ask about the whereabouts of my best friend when they leave me out in the hot, melting sun waiting for them!" He teased back, stopping in his tracks to begin to poke your sides harshly.

"Fine, fine, fine!" You give in. "Just stopppppp," you shook his hands away.

"Hyunjin offered to tutor me in chem. I'm officially failing," you laugh off, "he wanted to ask what days we should schedule our study sessions for." You explained.

"Wait, Hyunjin? As in Hwang Hyunjin? The pretty one?" Seungmin's eyes widen at the thought of a rather good looking and outgoing guy offering you tutoring lessons out of the goodness of his heart, he almost scoffs out loud. 

"Stop asking so many questions, Min!" You softly punch his arm, bursting his thought bubble. 

"Besides, 'the pretty one', Min? I didn't know you liked Hyunjin like that? Want me to put in a good word for you?" You teased further, laughing at his choice of words. Sure, Hyunjin was pretty well known by most for his good looks, but he had simply offered you help in your studies in a subject he happened to excel in and that had no such thing to do with his looks. 

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes, taking his turn to lightly punch you back from before. 

Afterwards the walk fell to a comfortable silence between the two of  you. 

At least that was how you would describe it to be. While you happily hummed and thought of what snacks you could whip up once you got home, Seungmin seriously pondered why you hadn't told him you weren't doing so well in chemistry. Or why you hadn't come to him for help first, he had already taken the class after all? And why the very thought of Hwang Hyunjin being with you by your locker afterschool while he had to wait outside for you made him so uncomfortable. Was uncomfortable the right word in this situation? He thought some more and concluded the thought of Hyunjin near you at all made him exceptionally mad, not just uncomfortable, for whatever the reason may have been (though he did have a hunch as to why he was feeling this way).

You looked over at the quiet boy next to you, noticing his intense state of thought, as he harshly bit his lower lip, furrowed his eyebrows slightly and kept an adamant gaze ahead of him. The sight was quite cute actually, cute enough to make you laugh. 

"Earth to Kim Seungmin, you are wanted here immediately, please report for duty," you giggled, dramatically waving your arm in front of his face to snap him out of his daze. 

"Sorry," Seungmin suddenly looks at you, cheeks hot and hands clenched onto the straps of his backpack. 

His gaze is not like anything you'd ever seen come from him. It looks serious, yet almost sad? The way his eyes look glossed over have you wanting to kiss his cheeks and lift the corners of his mouth to reveal his signature smile, the one you love so much.

But you know better than to let your imagination get the best of you and you quickly shake your head to get rid of such thoughts about your best friend in his very presence.

"No worries, just talk to me if you need to, okay?" You reach over to comfort him, rubbing his arm softly in assurance of your words. 

Little did you know you were killing Seungmin RIP. 

You were now approaching your front porch, ready to whip out your keys and say home sweet home. Seungmin always came over for a bit after school to talk and mess around a bit before starting homework and today was no different. 

But just as you opened the door with the thought about what video game Seungmin would want to play today floating in your head, you noticed the boy had yet to move from the step of the porch. 

"Seungmin? Don't you want to come in?" You walked back over to him, choosing to stay standing on the step above him. 

"Y/n," he practically whispered. 

Suddenly, at this close proximity, you realize the tension in his face and the worry behind his eyes and the burning of his cheeks. 

You softly reach over and unclasp one of Seungmin's hands from the strap of his bag, taking his hand into your own and rubbing your thumb over his numb knuckles for comfort. 

"Are you okay Minnie? Do you need water? Are you sick?" You reach up to his forehead with your other hand to check his temperature. 

"No, I just think I need to tell you something, now." He spoke formally, no hint of his usual teasing or playfulness when it came to you. 

You could only nod at his strange current state, you were quite concerned. 

"Don't take Hyunjin's help." He stated firmly, as if reading it from a list of rules. His serious disposition did not falter one bit, as if he had given out the most simple order. 

"Is this what this is about? Min, how am I supposed to pass that dumb class. Seungmin I'm failing, like with an F, I know you don't know what that's like, but neither did I until now and I have to fix it somehow! We can't all be straight A students without even having to try!" You were practically tearing up at the intensity of which your words came out, you'd slightly lost control of your emotions in the moment, but Seungmin remained calm through the sharp words you threw, knowing you were simply frustrated with your grades and held no ill intentions with them. 

"I can help you study, I can stay with you at the library all day explaining it to you if I have to, I'll take notes on your textbook and give them to you. Why didn't you tell me you needed help sooner?" He looked at you even more intensely, if that were even possibly. Then reaching over, he held your free hand in his own free hand. 

At this point the worry in his eyes only made you want to hug him for the rest of your life, but there was so much tension surrounding the two of you right now.

"Min, you don't have to do that. If you don't want me getting help from Hyunjin, I won't. I trust you. But you don't have to waste your time being my teacher, trust me on that, you'll regret it." You attempt to laugh off your answer while swinging his hands in yours to lighten the mood, even if it's just a bit. Unfortunately, your teary eyes from your previous outburst give you away as a tear rolls down your cheek. 

Seungmin was unsure about how to go about this further. He wasn't sure how you didn't seem to get it? That he would sacrifice his sleep to help you pass a class, just so he could be the one to help you, not some Hwang Hyunjin. That he wouldn't hesitate to do anything, and he means anything, if you simply asked. That he currently had more photos of you on his camera and phone than he did selfies of himself. That he liked you for fuck's sake. How could you have not seen it in his blushy mess of a nervous state right now. Was he really that freaking deep in the friendzone? 

"I want to waste my time teaching you chemistry because I know I won't regret it. Because I'd never regret time spent with you." His words remained calm and precise, again as if he had prepared them and read them off a notecard. He looked down at his shoes, unable to confront you after the cheesy words left his mouth. 

He felt his hands begin to moisten with sweat in your grasp and tried to remove them from your hands. However he was met with your refusal, as your hands tightly gripped his own. 

"Kim Seungmin, I like you. Like really like you. Like, like-like you. And you cannot say those things to me and be protective of me and be cheesy with me and expect me not to want to just hug you and kiss you as if we weren't just best friends!" You blurted, in a sing-song whine much like your usual tone with your best friend.

You took in a very long breath of frustration and looked down as well. 

You were so caught up in thoughts of the implications of the words that had left your mouth so quickly, that you did not bother to notice how Seungmin had in fact perked up at your words and practically resembled a tomato at this point, not that you looked any less of the shade of red.

“Wait what????” Seungmin was awestruck from your outburst, was he hallucinating? This was not the time for his imagination. 

“There is no way, I’m repeating that,” you pouted.

“Not even if, I tell you I feel the same?” Seungmin smiled.

“Maybe after…” you swung your intertwined hand again.

“After ….?” he mocks

Seungmin suddenly closes the already small distance between the two of you and lands his soft lips just barely on the surface of your cheek. 

“Can you say it again now?” he teases. 

All tension dispelled, the mood is suffocating with the puppy love-struck expressions emitting from both your eyes. 

- 

“Seungmin, how can you kiss me before you even tell me you like me?” 

You’re both inside now, after your apparently long-awaited confession, Seungmin had decided a cuddle session was called for in celebration, not that you were complaining. 

“I thought it was just obvious?” Seungmin replies 

“We could have been dating for so long by now,” You both sigh to one another at the thought you’d both had looming in your heads for the past hour.

“Guess we’ll just have to make up for lost time,” Minnie nuzzles his head into your neck trying to hide from his own sly remark. 

“Can we study chem now though, I’m still failing,” You whisper into his ear, the notion of that failing grade still very much prominent in your head. 

“In a bit, do you know how long I’ve waited for this?” The arms around your waist tighter their loose grip and Seungmin pulls you even closer to him, enough to feel the warmth emitting from his chest and suddenly you thought chem could wait.

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[serendipitybutterfly]

Finally doing Yoongi's birthday year ahead reading too... (at least it didn't take quite as long as it took me to do Hobi's!). Anyway... Let's get right into it...

The message which came to me here is kind of...... Well it seems like a continuation of a past reading I did for Yoongi and I was surprised because I kind of assumed this situation had passed... If you remember, last year there was some strange situation involving a shady woman who came up in readings regarding both Yoongi and Jimin... When I did Jimin's reading I got a bit more clarity because Yoongi's reading I found really confusing and I kept drawing more cards to try to understand the message... I've since realised that with my energy and Yoongi's, it's best for me to stay back and try to understand what's being put forward.

This time I think I better understand what the cards are saying straight away (although I still say that when it comes to Yoongi, for some reason the cards speak to me differently, or rather speak through me to try to give him advice very differently, and it means I have to kind of get in a very different kind of headspace to understand the message at all...

It's hard to explain, but basically I think out of all the members Yoongi is probably energetically the most different to me so his guidance almost feels like it's coming in a different language (imagine big symbolic runes, hieroglyphs or pictures or big waves of feeling instead of nice neat descriptive prose) that I then have to try and interpret... It's interesting but I think by staying back with a respectful distance and just accepting whatever comes without trying to overthink at all (because it's actually kind of direct... Only in a different way than I'm used to) or pry to understand more I'm getting way more from him...

Anyway... My purpose here is to write out the advice reading. I just wanted to preface it with this growing understanding of how I perceive his energy (does anyone else get this with other members?).

Back to business... We have reversed King of Wands and the reversed Ace of Cups signifying this reading. I'm taking this as there being some situations and events which knock his confidence and security in himself this year and that they will likely revolve around his emotions. This is a shame, but I don't actually see it as being Yoongi's own problems primarily that cause this...

To start off with, we have the reversed 5 of cups which I'm actually seeing as his present state rather than advice. I think currently he's recovering from a big set back, a huge feeling of disappointment is here... Reversed strength showing that it's something that made him feel powerless, helpless. Ten of cups reversed and The Moon are telling me that from Yoongi's point of view, this is not just something he's dealing with. BTS in general is taking this setback way harder than they're letting us see. A lot of things are not as they seem and there's a lack of clarity on what they're going to do that leaves them feeling unstable. To me this seems to be pretty obviously talking about the current Corona Virus global pandemic and how it's put a big spanner in the works for Yoongi as an artist who wants to perform for his fans, and of course for BTS as a whole, as they were supposed to be doing a world tour this year. They've been trying to keep up a calm image for the fans, but behind the scenes it's been much more stressful, upsetting and chaotic and this is first hurdle he needs to get over this year. Hard to do with such a lack of clarity.

However, the next cards are talking about something different and something which I think is being built up to either resulting from these setbacks or simply coming later in the year. The five of swords and Queen of Wands sees the return of this strange woman that I saw coming up last year. Again she seems to be a subject of discord... I think between at least three of the members of which Yoongi is one.

From these cards I get a strong impression of distrust from him towards her so I don't think he's actually the one she's messing with... It's definitely a younger member, so not Seokjin either.

The reversed King of Pentacles and Knight of Cups represent how he views this member in this situation; as someone who isn't being sensible or practical, who has lost touch with reality and who's being stupid with money... A fool in love who is being taken advantage of. This, as shown by the Nine of Swords, will cause him a great deal of stress and anxiety... Especially with the three of cups here, it's letting me know this is mainly concern over a close friend's recklessness and that this will mainly involve three people... Probably Yoongi, the younger member and this woman, although I also see three members in particular arguing about it...

The answer or advice on how to handle this? Well, it's pretty simple. The Angel Oracle card I pulled is Grace and Antoinette: To help heal this situation, see the other person's point of view with compassion. This is pretty obviously referring to the latter situation involving someone close to him whose choices Yoongi's probably going to seriously disagree with this year. The message is to try to make peace with him and relinquish the desire to win the argument or control the situation... To try to view the situation with empathy and compassion to find a resolution.

The numerology of this reading comes to 9, completion. We also have the Full Moon: Completion card from the Earth Magic deck. This is something that has to come full circle to resolve itself. The message I get for Yoongi is that as much as he might want to protect his friend, his brother, sometimes people just have to make stupid mistakes in order to grow and learn... That's just part of life and something they have to go through. The overall message for this reading is that you can't control everything... Sometimes you have to just let go and let the storm ride out, let the wave take you... And learn to be ok in the aftermath. Once this situation is allowed to play out, it will actually finally be resolved. It will be over and peace can be regained...

Yoongi should also try to use the instances of setback and delay this year as a chance to take a breath and release... He's actually very intune with the universe and perhaps can already sense that we're building towards a new beginning of some kind... All of us. This can definitely cause feelings of fear and anxiety, but if we let go of the fragile illusion of power and simply accept that a cycle is ending so a new one can begin, we will be able to find a great sense of peace and release as this year goes on and we look into the future.

I pray for the peace and wisdom he needs to get through his challenges this year to be granted to Min Yoongi. 🙏 💜

[dorkery]

Okay i want to take some time here to moan like a bitch because I am going to EXPLODE

1. Parents have been asking me to volunteer sew PPE clothing for Covid-19 front liners. I have no objections.

2. Dad puts me in touch with a specific lady. I contact her. Lady explains the initiative badly and just adds me to the WhatsApp group. I have no idea what the fuck. I'm just told there is a briefing at a mall (BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO???? JUST SEND ME THE FUCKING MATERIALS AND LET ME SEW AT HOME????)

3. Dad checks in to see if I have contacted her. I said I have. At this juncture, I also message the lady again and ask her if she can accommodate my request to sew at home and for a video demonstration. She says maybe.

4. Dad wanders by later, tells me the Malaysian director of health (our surgeon-general) has indicated a PPE shortage. I tell him I've already contacted her, note that I've started to become annoyed.

5. Nobody explains a fucking thing to me. In the WhatsApp group, I straight up just say look will someone tell me what is happening? I'm a first time volunteer I don't know a goddamn thing.

6. WOW COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST SHARED THIS INTRODUCTORY MESSAGE FROM THE FUCKING START???????

7. WOW SHE'S JUST IGNORING MY REQUEST FOR A VIDEO AND NOW I HAVE TO GO ACROSS THE FUCKING STATE TO SHAH ALAM TO GO TO THIS STUPID MALL TO SEW.

8. Dad tells me to stop complaining and to be 'sincere' in volunteering.

9. It's Tuesday. I tell him I'll go to the fucking mall on Saturday.

10. He proceeds to ask me, EVERY DAY, why I don't just go NOW. I tell him because I chose Saturday. He's unhappy.

11. He complains to my mother. Now I'm openly rude to my dad in front of her (If YOU are so eager to go tomorrow, then YOU can volunteer sew. I want to go on SATURDAY). No one is happy. Especially me.

12. I go to the mall on Saturday. She's asked everyone to gather at 11. I fucking know Malay people and Malaysian time. I tell my hovering father there's no need to be punctual. We get there around 11.05 or 11.10 anyway.

13. The organiser arrives at fucking 12. Can you imagine how fucking furious I am already.

14. The sewing machine they have me use is an old industrial model WHICH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK. Like, how do I thread the needle??? How do I fix the bobbin???? How do I backstitch?????? Not to mention every time I sew, the thread escapes the needle and the bobbin thread straight up tangles.

15. I am straight up not having a good time.

16. Lady is obnoxious and condescending when i say I'm not used to the machine. "ohhh just be gentle with it, it's so easy to use!!!!" bitch this is a fucking Toyota from 2001 and I use a 2019 brothers machine, you're asking a digital native to identify VHS player

17. I take 3 (T H R E E) FUCKING HOURS TO SEW ONE PPE OUTFIT BECAUSE I AM FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY AND FIGHTING THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MACHINE

18. Dad realises I'm holding myself back from screaming at people and being a rude POS. He goes on to chat with them (why the fuck are you even here dad) and I viciously refuse lunch to work through this fucking PPE. (Refusing food in Malay culture is a slap in the face)

19. It took me 3 hours of silently screaming to finally understand the fucking sewing machine because this Lady has no sense of organisation. I sew my second PPE outfit in less than 25 mins. My dad's like??????? And I'm fuming like, I want to use my own fucking machine.

20. We quickly leave with materials for me to sew at home (15 PPE). I am DONE sewing for the day.

21. Next day I sew all the shoulders only. I think the materials have mites on them bc I'm fucking itching like crazy and had to take a shower halfway and then bug spray my workspace. Dad had the gall to suggest my cats (who started playing around the materials - jesus christ if you're not going to be sewing then you can at least move the cats away right???? I'm BUSY) maybe the ones who caused it but Im like HELLO?????? YOU SNUGGLE OUR CATS EVERY DAY??????? WHEN HAVE YOU SCRATCHED?????? MY CATS SLEEP ON MY FUCKING BED AND YET MY JAMMIES AND BEDSHEETS ARE MITE-FREE WHAT DO YOU THINK???????? and he's like oh

22. Next day, I sew all the sleeves. This gave me the most problems on Saturday but at home this is a breeze. It takes me most of the day. I am starting to get sick of sewing these things. During a break when I'm just going through a message, my dad wanders in and asks me if the seamstress is done for the day. I flatten the urge to tell him to fuck off.

23. I have to make lunch on top of sew and I'm tired. Now I have to sew the neckline and i am discovering quickly this is the worst part of sewing the fucking PPE and I eventually resort to pinning everything in place for the first time. Lady contacts me and asks me on progress. I tell her I just have the string left. She asks me if I want to finish up at the mall. I say NO. I WANT TO SEW AT HOME WITH MY OWN MACHINE. she senses I am not a friendly person.

24. This morning I came down after the usual bout of restless sleep. Dad asks me when I can finish bc Lady had contacted him already. My mood plummets immediately. I started sewing the waist ties as noisily and angrily as possible. Bundle done, I pass everything to him. He meekly asks me if I want a second batch to sew. I say FINE.

YO, AS A VOLUNTEER????? STOP BREATHING DOWN MY FUCKING NECK??????????? THIS THING IS NOT A PLEASANT THING TO SEW???????? AND I AM LITERALLY THE ONE SEWING IT

I AM NOT A FUCKING SEWING MACHINE AND THIS IS NOT MY JOB???? I HAVE OTHER THINGS I WANT TO DO AND I LITERALLY CANNOT DO IT BECAUSE I AM VOLUNTEERING MY TIME, ENERGY AND MENTAL *STRENGTH* TO COMMIT TO THIS

GIVE ME FUCKING ROOM TO BREATHE BECAUSE I AM HATING EVERY MOMENT OF THIS AND YET I AM DOING IT ANYWAY

AND ANOTHER THING!!!!

25. I have been telling my parents NOT to share pics or tell people I am sewing PPE. DON'T FUCKING DO IT????? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST RESPECT THIS ONE FUCKING REQUEST????? STOP USING ME TO WIN RESPECTABILITY, I DON'T WANT ATTENTION AND I ESPECIALLY DON'T WANT THE FUCKING EMPTY PRAISE OKAY???????? JESUS CHRIST

[ilkkijangege]

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

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22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

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24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

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25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

.

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

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1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

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5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

.

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

.

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

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11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

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18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

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20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

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27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

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28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

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6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

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13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

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17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

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18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

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20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

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21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

.

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

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27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

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5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

.

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

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24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

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3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

.

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

.

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

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19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

.

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

.

19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

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9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

.

13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭