#and then it's like 'what do you mean she's sympathetic?????'
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If you could do one where reader and JJ used to be together secretly but they broke up and stayed friends and like months later when JJ is with Kiara all the pogues find out about their relationship it would be awesome <33
The crickets were chirping in the background while you leaned your hip against the wall in the backyard of your house and JJ was in front of you, playing with his hat. Your gaze was on the floor as you both stood in a tense silence.
“So that's it?” He broke the silence with a trembling voice and you sighed, looking up into his eyes, seeing the pain in them.
“You know this is the best decision.”
He nodded slowly and turned around, walking towards his motorcycle.
“We'll be fine, right?” You raised your voice and JJ just nodded again.
“Yeah, I just need time.”
He started the engine of the motorcycle and took off from there, leaving a feeling of emptiness in you but you knew everything would be fine.
It had been at least three months since the two of you had broken up and everything was going smoothly between you and JJ. All except that you started to notice Kiara very close to him until the two of them finally started dating.
You didn't feel jealous or anything like that since you always noticed a certain energy between them, but it was definitely strange seeing your ex with someone else.
One day when the Pogues were relaxing at the Chateau, you walked into the kitchen to make yourself a PB&J sandwich. You couldn't reach the peanut butter until an arm reached out and grabbed it easily for you. You turned around and it was the blonde you had been so in love with.
“Are you going to make yourself a sandwich?” You nodded with a knowing smile. You had always had a tradition that he would prepare your sandwiches and you would pay him with a make out session. “Let me do it for you.” He took the jam from your hand and began his work. “When we were dating you liked these.”
“I…”
“Were you two dating!?” A voice filled the kitchen, interrupting your words and you both stopped what you were doing to look at the person. It was Sarah.
“Y-yeah, I mean…” JJ scratched the back of his neck and looked at you for support.
“A long time ago.”
“Oh god.” She muttered and left the kitchen towards the porch where the others were.
You and JJ followed hot on her heels and Sarah was already telling what she had just found out.
“The two of them were dating, did you know that?!” Everyone looked at you both in surprise except for Kiara who was looking at JJ with a frown.
You both tried to think of what to say until finally you were the one who spoke.
"It was a while ago, we both got over it."
You looked at Kiara and she gave you a sympathetic smile. The others started asking questions about your former relationship until they finally stopped the topic because they were hungry.
While they went to buy something to eat, you, JJ and Pope stayed at the Chateau. You and the blonde went back to the kitchen to finish preparing your sandwich and that's when you realized that you could become good friends after all.
Until he touched your hand and all the memories came back to your mind.
disclaimer ── evermoresversion © 2024.
#val's version#evermoresversion#val writes#jj maybank#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank fanfic#jj maybank angst#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank imagine#outer banks angst#obx#obx imagines#obx imagine#obx fanfic#obx4#outer banks#outer banks fanfic#outer banks imagines#outer banks imagine#outer banks fluff#outer banks x reader#outer banks x y/n
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Spilled Secrets
Loki x Reader Fluff
Summary: You secretly like Loki, but you’re kind of upset he doesn’t know… until he finds out.
Word Count: 3.2k
It wasn’t hard to fall for him. Humor, charm, high cheekbones… he has it all. From his silver tongue to his raven hair, you adored every aspect. Despite his misdeeds, he was undeniably hot. He held himself royally, always maintaining an air of nobility. One meeting with him had you hooked on him, unable to let go or think of anything else.
‘He lives free rent in my mind’, you told Natasha one day in the living room of the Avengers Headquarters. Apart from Pepper, she and Wanda were the only ones you could do Girl Talk with. ‘I don’t know how to tell him.’
She looked at you sympathetically, taking your hand in her own. She had known of your crush since the day you started liking him. The radio played in the background, informing of some good weather, but neither of you noticed, both too concentrated on your current dilemma. Lovesickness had never been a significant issue to you before… until he came along.
‘He stole my heart… and yet he acts oblivious,’ you ranted on. Natasha looked up, smiling softly. She stroked your hand with one finger absent-mindedly as she listened intently.
‘He’ll get there. Or maybe,’ a small smirk tugged at her lips as she looked back up at you, ‘he already knows; he might just be toying with you just to see how long you’d last.’
You nudged her with your hand, a faint red hue coming over your face. He wouldn’t… right?
‘I mean-’, she pressed on, ‘it’s a very typical thing of him to do, don’t you think?’ She scooted closer to you, putting a hand on your back soothingly. ‘Playing with others’ feelings… I honestly don’t think it would take him that long to figure out that you like him. It’s really obvious.’
‘You’re not helping,’ you replied, looking up at the ceiling, as if trying to locate him through the walls. Nevertheless, you smiled softly at her teasing. She was always there for your small talks. After a while, you lowered your gaze back to your lap, reality sinking in and you felt the joy leaving you.
‘But what if he doesn’t? What if he genuinely doesn’t know?’ you mumbled in front of you, pulling your knees up and wrapping your arms around them. Once again, tears threatened to fall as you buried your face in them, softly mumbling to yourself. The fabric of your pants absorbed the salty droplets, leaving a dark spot there. You were audibly sniffing now. You felt her hand move up and down your back again, her words only muffled sounds. At some point she led you back to your room, leaving you to yourself for the rest of the night.
The next day you went over to the library. The Avengers had quite a big one, it filled the entire floor. Rows upon rows of shelves lined the walls and the spaces in between, the scent of paper floating in the air. You stopped at the sign that indicated where the romance-fiction stories were. If only my life was as nice as one of those, you thought, pulling a roman out of the shelf and reading the back of it intently. If only I could live in a life like that.
Sitting down at the table, you put down the book you’d taken out. Not gonna lie, you were in no interest in reading it. There was no need for you to get jealous over another made-up story. To pass time, you grabbed a scrap piece of paper and started doodling. Only the lines that the lead left only spelled one word, over and over again: Loki. You wrote his name all over the place, sideways, in cursive, in bold letters. Maybe it was because you were so concentrated that you didn’t hear the library door opening.
‘Oh, I see that I’m not the only one in need of something to do,’ a voice said, startling you. You quickly covered the scribbled paper with another blank sheet, looking over your shoulder. Thor was standing there with a load of books in his arms.
‘My dear brother decided to make me run errands,’ he explained cheerfully, certainly not getting the nervousness etched in your face. You nodded, looking down. What you would do to make Loki make you run his errands. ‘You alright?’ His voice brought you back to reality.
‘What? Oh. Yeah, I’m alright. Just… in need of something to do, like you said,’ you managed a small smile that was somewhat realistic. He just smiled and continued putting books back on shelves. Your eyes followed every single book as he put them back. Loki held these maybe even moments ago, you thought. If only I were a book he’d like to read.
Sometime later, he looked over to you again and asked: ‘Are you working on anything? Because that paper tells me you aren’t doing what you want to do.’ You picked up the two pieces of paper and replied a little too fast: ‘Oh, yeah, I just have to write something for Stark, nothing big.’ You held the papers a little more firmly in your hand. When he asked to proofread it, you declined immediately. Mumbling something about not being done, you put them back down, bending over it and pretending you were thinking about what to write. Shrugging, Thor left, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding. But your relief didn’t last long; a few moments later, another person came in, and this time it was none other than the god of mischief himself. Strutting through the rows, you heard him pulling books out and putting them back in, as if none of the ones he found were worth his attention. Eventually he spoke up.
‘Why the tenseness? Is it your time of the month?’ he asked coyly. He turned the corner and looked at you. Your gaze dropped almost instantly to the ground. ‘No, I’m just…,’ you said, picking your papers up again, ‘just a little tired. Couldn’t sleep.’
His eyebrows raised as he looked away to the opposite bookshelf. ‘Is that so…?’ he mumbled, more to himself than to you, ‘hmm.’ You couldn’t tell if he knew you were lying or not but he sure seemed to deem you amusing. After a small pause he continued. ‘I would’ve thought someone like you would know that lying to me is futile.’
You froze. Of course you knew that, but how could you ever tell him the truth of your stiffness? He’s the prince of Asgard, rightful king of Jotunheim, a regal character, not some random guy you can just find on the streets. ‘Yes, of course. How could I not know that?’
He narrowed his eyes, his signature smirk widening. He walks up to you, his eyes boring into yours. His gaze fell upon the papers you held in your arms, a questioning look crossing his face.
‘Just… just a report I’m supposed to write,’ you lied for the second time, and he didn’t let that go unnoticed. He tilts his head, his eyes asking are you really going to do this? Because there won’t be a nice ending if this continues. He doesn’t say anything about it though, just nods slyly and walks away.
He pulls a further book of the shelf, inspecting it. Seemingly satisfied, he scanned it and left the library, letting the emptiness envelop you. You uncovered the paper filled with his name, unshed tears threatening to fall. Will he ever know…? Will he ever acknowledge my feelings for him?
You return to your room afterwards, attempting to bury your feelings down a deep grave. You sulked until night fell upon the busy city. Deciding to take a shower, you went to get some fresh clothes for the night. Soon enough, warm water was splattering down your body, warming your sore and mentally broken body.
When you came back out of the shower and entered your living room again, you found an unexpected guest. Loki was sitting in your armchair, reading a magazine. His eyes darted to you the moment you stepped into the chamber. You fumbled with your nightshirt pockets, unsure of what to do.
‘What, uh, brings you to my place at this hour?’ you tried, testing the waters. He doesn’t reply, instead he slowly puts the magazine down, his eyes never leaving yours. He shortens the distance between you, every step making your heart beat faster. When he finally stopped around a foot away from you, you looked down, unable to look at him properly. He was too much, too dazzling for your poor, tragic eyes.
‘I think we both know why I’m here,’ he says, tilting his head, eyes boring into yours. You couldn’t breathe, your breath running short. His aura surrounded you like a cage, keeping you trapped in his gaze. ‘No, I don’t think so,’ you replied quietly to the floor. He lifted your chin and forced you to look him in the eye, his face inches from yours. ‘Do not lie, little minx. I know what your problem is. You suffer from lovesickness. There’s a man you love so dearly that you can’t stop thinking about him.’
You shoved him away the moment these words left his mouth. You couldn’t, couldn’t stand his breath on your face, couldn’t stand how close he was to you. ‘Yeah, that’s right,’ you said, using indifference to cover up your shaking voice, ‘I do suffer from that. What has that got to do with you coming over?’
He scoffed softly, ‘Oh, darling, that has everything to do about me coming over. I imagine I can relieve you of your… dilemma.’ Your heart skipped a beat, hoping he didn’t mean what you thought he meant. You just shook your head, looking away. ‘You wouldn’t understand…’ you said, hoping he’d stop clawing at your secrets. But he smiled, nodding slightly and does the utter opposite of what you hoped. ‘Oh really? Because I have a very different opinion about that.’
Please leave, you thought as he said this, praying to the gods, please stop killing me like this… another minute with you will break me. But his next words proved that your prayers were ignored.
‘I’m the lucky guy.’
I’m the lucky guy.
These words seemed to echo in your head. So he knew. He knew about your helpless case. And he knew he was at the center of it. All this time. Or maybe just since today. But who cares. He knows. And your secret’s spilled. In a terrifying way.
You opened your mouth, but no sound came out. You closed it again, looking anywhere but at him. In the end you settled with staring at his knees, which are pretty much where your eyes land when you look down. You were freaking out, your heart hammering in your chest. You needed to be alone. Right. Freaking. Now.
‘You know what?’ you said, your voice quivering, ‘I’m going to bed.’ You turn around and began marching with determination towards your bedroom door. Loki seemed slightly stunned, catching your shoulder just in time and called after you with worry in his tone: ‘Where are you going? You shouldn’t just leave me hanging, we should – need – to talk about this-‘
‘No, we won’t,’ you said, refusing to turn around and face him. Gods, if you stayed any longer tears would fall. ‘We shouldn’t, because we’re not-‘ she broke off, the words lost in her throat. Going to work out well was what she wanted to say, but she just couldn’t – wouldn’t – bring these words over her lips. Instead, she shook her head again and marched further away. Your sanctuary was so close… so close… But his next words brought you to a halt again.
‘Jumping to conclusions won’t help, Y/n,’ he said with a tenderness he didn’t know he possessed. Due to her lack of response, he pressed further, ‘Is that why you never tried to communicate with me? Why you so desperately avoided my presence? Because you feared that no matter what you did, the worse-case scenario would always happen? Talk to me, Y/n.’ His words hung in the air, thickening it. Tears welled up in her eyes, her mind reflecting on all the break-up and mocking scenarios her imagination had come up with. She whipped around, trying to keep her tears from falling.
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no idea what it feels like. You have-‘ she broke off again, a shuddering breath replacing the words she was about to say. You have no reason to love me. Not a single one. Tears began to fall as this thought formed in your head. The same one that brought you to tears every time. Every. Damn. Time.
He stayed silent, staring at the thin streams flowing down your face. Unable to bear the silence, you ran back to your room, slamming the door behind you. The moment it fell into place, the streams on your cheeks became rivers, and soon enough you were a sobbing mess on the floor. You were sure Loki could hear them through the door, but at that moment you didn’t care. He had no reason to love you, to care about you, or to even be here, in your living room, standing, stunned, in front of your bedroom door.
Loki felt a sudden pang of sadness when he heard your sobs. Looking down and deciding that it’s a bad time, he leaves, shutting your door quietly.
You didn’t remember how long you’d sat there, crying, on the floor. The only thing you do remember that is that at some point, you dragged yourself into bed and cried yourself to sleep. The next morning came in the blink of an eye, the bright sunlight waking you up. For a split second everything was fine. No worries, no problems, no nothing. But then it all came back to you and the feeling of eternal bliss was stripped from you faster than you wanted it to be.
As you swung your legs over the edge of the bed, you saw something that certainly wasn’t there the night before. A small folded card was propped up against your brush on your nightstand, and your heart skipped a beat when you recognised Loki’s smooth handwriting. There was only one word on the cover: your name. Picking it up like a grenade, you opened it, expecting to see something that went along the lines of ‘I’m sorry, that’ll never happen again,’ but only found one line of words inside it.
‘Come over to my room.’
You blinked.
Come over to my room.
You read through that line a good five times before the meaning got into your brain, although the cogs in your head were still trying to sort this out. Loki – like, God of mischief and destroyer of New York Loki – was inviting you to enter his private chambers? Was this a joke? Was he trying to hype you up just to break you back down?
As much as you’d like to deny it, that order was a lot more appealing than it should be. You desperately wanted to see him again, even if it meant you could be broken. So after a moment of internal debating, you concluded that you will go pay him a visit, and will see what the hell he wants. Putting on some clothes, you set off to his room.
You half expected him to swing the door open and yank you inside when you knocked, but instead some green light shimmered and formed the words: Door is unlocked. Starting to get creepy now, you thought, gathering up your courage and pushing the door open.
The moment you stepped a foot into his room, a hand grabbed your waist and spun you around. Next moment you felt soft lips pressed against yours. Your breath hitched when you figured it was Loki’s. You didn’t have time to register what was going on, everything was happening so fast. So you did the one thing you could do: melt into his touch.
Once the shock has subsided, it felt a lot better than what you expected in your fantasies. His lips were so soft, so loving as they kissed you, sweetly asking for you to open your mouth. His tongue delved into it, tangling itself with yours, licking and flicking and who knows what tricks.
After what felt like an eternity, he pulled away, his blue eyes gazing into yours. You blushed, looking at the floor, suddenly realising what you two just did. Stumbling over your own words, you said: ‘That was… umm…’
He hummed in response, his hands never leaving your waistline. Your face must’ve been as red as a tomato when you spoke up again. ‘Nice of you…’
He put on a mock hurt look. Pulling you closer, he nuzzled in the crook of your neck. ‘Is that all? After this wonderous surprise I’ve prepared that bested all other ones?’
You shrugged, unable to speak. He was killing you, like before… but this time in a sweet way. You mumbled something about being ‘sorry for last night’, but he shushed you almost immediately.
‘There’s no need for that,’ he said, patting your head, ‘No need to be sorry. I know I went a little to sudden.’
He pulled back to look at you. His eyes searched your body, as if trying to print it into his head. Your arms creeped up his neck, wrapping themselves securely around it. You stared as he breathed heavily into your face, a scent of mint filling your nose.
‘Did you like, eat a mint this morning?’ you asked shyly. He chuckled, swinging you into his arms, causing you to instinctively cling onto him. You gave him an angry look, burying your face in his neck. ‘Just for you, my love.’ You were suddenly happy he couldn’t see your face. He could probably feel the heat radiating off it, though.
‘So… are we a thing now?’ he asked, walking towards the couch and sitting down, you now in his lap. ‘Or what do you Midgardians call it… a couple?’ You nodded in agreement, making yourself comfortable in his arms. He absent-mindedly stroked your hair, admiring the way it shimmers slightly in the dim light.
‘For how long did you know?’ you asked him, grabbing his free hand and playing with it like a toddler. He thought for a moment, then said: ‘Most likely since a month ago. I was originally waiting for you to make the first move, but… you seemed too nervous to. That’s why I decided to come to your room last night.’
You gaped as he said that. A freaking month. No, we’re not talking about a week or two, he’s known for a MONTH. You’ve only crushed on him for like what, two months? He smirked as he saw your expression. ‘You kept looking at me now and then. And you always freaked out when you were within three meters of me.’
You shoved him playfully, pulling his hand up so it was right over your heart. You leaned into his touch, and for the first time since hours, you were glad he made the first move.
Hope y'all enjoyed it!!!
(Guys it's my first official tumblr storyyyyyy)
Tagging: @vbecker10 @mischiefmaker615 @simplyholl
Tell me if you want to be part of my taglist!
#loki marvel#loki x reader#loki x reader fluff#loki fanfiction#loki fanfic#loki odinson#loki laufeyson#the avengers#god of mischief#loki x you
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ugh sometimes watching Kab pov I get real sympathetic for how difficult it must be to be in her brain and just be so confused all the time and exhausted about masking her feelings to make other people trust her and her pain in wanting to be vulnerable and receive vulnerability and feel deep reciprocal love.
But then she says shit, really fucking mean and toxic shit towards mental health and healing and it triggers my own fight or flight and i become a ball of rage.
And like, I do get it. When you start your journey of mental health healing you often become the toxic one as you throw the shit people have said to you at everyone who also has similar mental health issues as you. (been there done that) Doing it to process your own rage at being told these things, or thinking, out of desperation, that if you can just get them to fix themselves quickly, you can fix yourself quickly. The bullied becomes the bully.
But then time passes and you realize this shit is hard to overcome. (or maybe it won't ever be overcome! and that's okay!) And you stop being toxic and you start being compassionate, to yourself and others. And eventually you start to heal and become confident in your own self worth and the validity of your emotions.
But before then it's the fucking worst place to watch someone be in. And that place is unfortunately where we are right now.
below is a short transcript of the convo this reflection is based off of. it can be triggering so like, don't feel obliged to read it.
11/10/24 kab vod: "I have no idea what's happening"
1:42:00 KAB: “what about how he makes me feel? Why is it so important what he feels and to accommodate everything he’s feeling? Why do i have to conceded to that???”
1:44:00 “I’m sick of having to accommodate to everyone else’s actions”
realizing your masking is hurting you is one of the worst realizations (imo). bc the mask keeps you safe, but if you can't process or give worth to your real emotions, it's not serving you.
so she swaps from processing her own feeling to being angry at zam.
1:47:00 She gets he needs time and space, but “We don't have time for to try and sit and process your emotions properly. Do it after we deal with this fucking issue [...] sometimes you just need to toughen up”
Fucking hell the trigger i just felt for just toughen up.
1:48:00 “i need to know what he’s thinking so that we can work together. In a team!”
what team!?!
“‘Does zam really hate communication more than he likes spawn and the server’ literally. Like pick your priorities dude.”
I’m going to fucking throw up. Because yes. Actually yes. Unfortunately and actually yes. He's gotten a lot better but like.
1:53:00 “I dunno. I wish he would care about himself as much as i care about him. Hard to see him like this [pause] maybe he does need more nurturing than i can give him bro ugh. I am just not- i am not good at that shit. I think it’s stupid [..] when you have a job to do [..] just shove your emotions away for a bit. And then you can process them later”
I was going to say this is just eclipse, but I just realized that maybe it's just this is exactly the perception Zam had of Vi: that Vi just wanted him to move on when he couldn't. All his deepest fears of what Vi wanted from him are being personified into a new person.
(also he is shoving his emotions away and that's why he's not processing it and giving you an answer for why he "doesn't know"????? but since he's not a perfect ball of joy and masking to you and because he is doing what you can't (shove emotions away) you are in rage)
1:54:00 “But it’s like, while there’s a life or death situation that literally determines the entire server we don't have time to be like, holding your hand, you know? Like, you're an adult” ughh fuck. being broken is inconvenient for others and age is seen as an invalidation to any of your real brokenness. If you're old you no longer have the right to be broken. Can we please change this narrative? thx
“If he cared enough he would actively try and do something to help himself in this situation”
Interesting choice of words to say "he would try to help himself if he cared" complaining about others not "working" on themselves (and you can never know if someone is working on themselves bc you're not in their brain) helps nobody bc you can only control yourself.
“You just want to sit and feel bad about yourself” no that's what you're doing kab
“He got me to fucking open up to him and pour my heart out and is now turning his back on that entirely. That’s what i’m actually more upset about”
oh the naive belief that because you pour your heart out to someone they must reciprocate. That is the risk you take when you are honest with someone about your feelings. They are at no obligation to reciprocate ever. Never ever. But that doesn't mean your feelings aren't true and it doesn't mean you shouldn't have done it. Love is a risk.
But also she feels she was forced into it. Forced to be vulnerable and she hates the vulnerability. She doesn't remember (or believe) that Zam promised to not use it against her. She isn't willing to give him the chance to not use it against her. He simply knows and that is a threat.
So love turns into spite. Instantly. And she doesn't want to talk to him anymore. And decides that she will just be fake to him.
oh girl. keeping the mask on doesn't help anything.
“I’ve lost a lot of respect for him today. I’m done trying to impress him”
and so the mask returns. and healing stops.
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Literally all i know about wicked is the poster bc i think its nice. Can i ask you what its a fic of? Or just about?
uuuuh so wicked is actually weirdly complicated in terms of being a fic/adpatation/whatever. it's a fanfic of the wizard of oz but it gets weird:
the wonderful wizard of oz is a children's book published in 1900. it went on to have 13 sequels by the original author, and then literally tens more sequels by other authors. most of the books are about someone going on a journey and assembling a party of strange magical people and creatures and running into various strange places and occasionally dodging things trying to kill them. this means that there is a LOT of lore and zany characters to draw from.
the book is of course not nearly as famous as the 1939 movie, which is what most people think of when they think of the wizard of oz. the movie adaptation has the same basic plot outline as the first book, but streamlined and-- most importantly for understanding wicked-- it changed a lot of aesthetic details. the reason for this is that color movies were new, and they wanted to show off, so everything is ultra bright and colorful. in the book, the dorothy's magic shoes are silver. they changed them to ruby red because it pops more. also in the book, everything in the emerald city is white, but everyone entering the city must wear glasses to make everything appear green (for emeralds, you see). the movie producers were evidently like "what the fuck?" and instead made the emerald city extra color and bright and loud. oh, and the movie made the wicked witch green. in the book, she was not green and instead had one magic eye.
wicked is a 1995 novel which is of a specific genre which basically asks: what if the villain of the story secretly had a sympathetic backstory this whole time? what if the good guys weren't that good and the wicked witch was actually kind of the better person?! i did really like these as a kid, but they kind of appeal to me less now outside of nostalgia because as takes they're usually.... kind of immature? or else come off like they dislike the source material. anyway, wicked is about the origin story of the wicked witch of the west (now named elphaba), who is born green and discriminated against for it. i read the book back in high school and therefore don't remember a ton of details about the plot, but the world building involved feels like a bizarre fever dream and sort of lazy in its lack of canonical detail if you're an oz fan. i remember finding it especially bizarre because there's details drawn from the books, but the main premise is entirely in movie land, and a lot of major book details are basically just discarded/never acknowledged. this is what makes it, imho, a bad fanfic. i won't comment on the writing because it's been too long, but in terms of being a fanfic..... yeah, it's weird & kind of bad?
however, i don't think most wicked fans have read the book. most people talking about wicked mean the 2003 musical (which will have a movie adaptation this month and why i'm thinking about it). like the movie, the musical is more streamlined than the book it's based on, and fun songs are added!!! i've seen it twice and literally don't remember the plot. i do think the actually spectacle of it is cool, but i don't like most of the songs, and again, it feels like it hates the source material. some of the weirder things, off the top of my head:
i cannot begin to stress how being green is one of the more normal physical differences to have in oz. like i get that the "hated because she's GREEN" thing is just a vehicle for the metaphor, but what is the point of intentionally picking this setting if you're just going to discard it?
there's a subplot about the talking animals wanting rights. this could actually be super interesting to explore, because the status of animals in the land of Oz is never made super clear? it's stated that they can all talk, and yet we see farmers and people eat animal products. there are animal characters who are treated equal to humans, and animal characters that are very explicitly pets. yet wicked does not engage with this in any interesting way (at least in the musical -- in the book i just remember an animal sex club?!); it's just a very generic "we want rights!!!" thing happening without the actual method and system of discrimination being made clear
glinda's function in the books is to be a wise adult figure. she rides around in a flying chariot pulled by swans and hires only beautiful women to work for her and gives them swords. in wicked, she's a shallow prep character. i get it's supposed to be an ~origin story~ or whatever but my feeling was that there's no foundation for her future character being laid. unless you're only going with "pink, appears in a bubble" as your basis for character
the book and the musical are both set against highly political backdrops, but most of the politics are made up wholecloth because canonical oz is.... chaos. the land of oz is more like a bunch fo loosely tied city-states, many of which are so isolated they probably don't know they have a ruler. again, "the politics of oz" is something i think would be interesting to explore in a fanfic, but wicked seems to just want to have some politics around and slapped a vaguely oz aesthetic on it, making it feel shallow and preventing any sort of conversation with the source material
like i'm not saying that all fanfic NEEDS to be in conversation with the source material; i'm just saying, why write a fanfic if you literally only want the aesthetics of the movie? to help sell copies? sure. and i don't even think that automatically makes a piece of work bad (no hate, wicked fans), it's just makes it frustrating and unpleasant to consume if you're a fan of the source material
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Hi!!! What r ur thoughts on Snape???🙏
Hiii :D oh this will be fun!
I don't mind him actually! I think he's ONE of the most interesting characters in Harry Potter (Golden Era and during the 70s). I like him much more as a teenager, being a snarky and awkward kid navigating his social surroundings. I'm more sympathetic to him as a teenager (+During First Wizarding War) but I'm a little on the fence when he's a teacher (how he treated Neville and Hermione). I can understand why people dislike him for being a bad teacher.
I will be honest, I definitely think Snape is a HIGHLIGHT example of the Fandom's hypocrisy. There is a constant demand for morally grey characters in the fandom and yet when they are presented with a CANON morally grey character, they cower basically (and I mean this with Dumbledore too!).
I also do think he is demonized a lot, especially his friendship with Lily because it's the fandom's way of making up for the lack of women in every way shape, or form. Everyone is very careful about Lily (Jegulus shippers) and they fear portraying her in any negative manner because they think if they do they will get called misogynistic. So they put everything onto Snape.
If you ask me, his friendship with Lily is very complicated and I don't think either had a mass blame on the falling out. Snape thinks she was choosing his bullies over him and Lily thinks that Snape didn't think of her very highly, which makes it worse by the fact that she was muggleborn. I don't blame Snape for never getting over his hate of James, what the Marauders did to/allowed what happened to him was fucked up.
I was constantly picked on/made uncomfortable/chased around the school by a boy years ago and the adults didn't really hear me out, to this day I still feel uncomfortable. And it's been like what 7 years or so? Shit sticks and it is obvious nothing was done about it.
However, it is wrong of Severus to take it out on Harry! That I won't deny. Like I said before, I don't blame people for not liking him as an adult. It's just when they condemn a teenager for this?? Ehhhhh...
He as a character is interesting. I see him as a very "child imagination" character, going from an abused and forgotten (using that word loosely) kid to a war hero basically. It's almost like it's what everyone imagined as a kid. I think he definitely fantasized about something like that as a child. Being an abused boy and wanting out. And thinking back on it when he was dying.
When he was starting Hogwarts, I hc that he was very fidgety. Skining-picking habit, twitchy, not staying still, picking at his lip, and was physically all over the place. His friendship with Lucius can actually be pretty sweet. Severus cools out the longer he goes to Hogwarts.
#i cutting this short srry! i think i have too many thoughts!#i rlly do love him as a character but I also see where people dont#i feel strangely embarrassed my bad#im in the firm FIRM belief that any character can have some depth and I mean any#the snapes gang of the marauders are actually very impressive#“every character has potential in this fandom!!!!”#i say as I shake rabastan and rodolphus around#also thinking of deathnguts' mulciber#ivan gets the mail#✩ tag#severus snape#marauders era
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that infamous ryan murphy quote about how quinn was supposed to be this unsympathetic mean girl character to me and dianna “ruined” that is crazy to me because the poor girl finds out that she’s pregnant as early as season 1 episode 4 😭 and proceeds to get knocked down by life nearly every single episode after for the remainder of the first season. dianna did play a large part in making quinn so likable and sympathetic (in the following seasons especially but even just in season 1 also) but even just her character on paper kind of makes your heart ache for her. she’s only 15/16 years old, gets pregnant under some dubious circumstances, loses so much in the process, is kicked out of her own home and disowned by her father, bounces from place to place to live until actual angel mercedes steps in, struggles with the hardships of teen pregnancy and the decision of what she wants to do while literally being 15/16 years old. and of course she makes her fair share of mistakes along the way, she’s by no means perfect. she’s a bully when we first meet her and she lies to finn about him being the father. but my god i don’t know how you couldn’t not feel bad for this child, dianna and her wonderful ability of making quinn likable to watch onscreen aside.
We're doing it we're answering asks, let's goooo
That said an ask about the infamous Ryan Murphy quote has been sitting in my inbox for about 4 months at this point oops haha, but we'll answer one at a time
Cause girl! That's what I've been saying! Like, regardless of what RM actually meant when he backhand complimented Dianna I truly believe that this bitch didn't consider how sympathetic Quinn was bound to be and he's so wrong for that. There's no way you can have a character go through as much as Quinn did, on a show like Glee that ostensibly champions the downtrodden and not have her be sympathetic. I truly believe that three male writers didn't think people would feel for Quinn as much as they did in that situation. Which is bonkers because was she cruel towards Finn? Sure, but even Beth's conception itself is so dubious like we've covered before. But even IF Quinn was just some cold-hearted calculating whore who wanted to hurt Puck and Finn and everyone around her, she's still a 16-year-old pregnant girl who gets disowned. Come on! How the fuck am I supposed to feel more for Finchel's "tragic" inter-social (i.e. high school) class relationship in the face of that. Fuck relationship drama, this girl is h o m e l e s s and pregnant.
I really feel like the message of Glee throughout Quinn's pregnancy storyline up until the point Quinncedes happens is that Quinn... had all the hardships coming. That she deserved to be knocked down a peg. Only it happened through her getting knocked up and it's super messed up that the show pretends she's anything but a victim. Who the hell cares that she's bitchy. Who the hell cares that popularity is important to her. Newsflash assholes, it's just as important to out supposed heroes. Lmao I get so mad about Quinn's treatment. And this is why I can't in good conscience get behind people who say s1 is Quinn's best and that the pregnancy storyline was done well. No it wasn't. It decentred her whenever possible and wasn't in the least bit sympathetic if not for like, a single scene in Ballad and from Home on. And, of course, if not for Dianna. RM should be grateful Dianna did her thing with Quinn cause framing your arguably most tragic character as if she had it coming just because she's a bully at 15 is not a good look. But that's a recurring thing for Glee, ain't it. The more I think about it the more I believe Quinn and Santana's treatment re: pregnancy and outing are similar.
Quinn is a walking talking, but mostly crying tragedy. It's frankly disturbing that for some time they cling to this idea of her being irredeemable when she's just a mean kid playing into the same system everyone else does, too. But she happens to be on top and schadenfreude is real, I guess. Except it really wasn't for me there was no part of me that felt any justice in what Quinn went through. And guess what? Neither did Rachel. And I don't think Rachel is meant to represent the audience's perspective when she shows Quinn kindness in season 1 but alas, she does. I don't trust no bitches who don't feel the same.
#i.e. feel for quinn#'but she was mean!!' stfu she was literally disowned do you think i care#'but she lied to finn!' yeah well he was an ass. so#anyway i do think quinn is a pretty bad person at the start and maybe not a particularly good one in general#(as much as i believe in that binary anyway)#but how heartless do you have to be to not feel for her#only cold hearted bitches like rm wanna see quinn get knocked down again and again lol#at some point you'd think she'd earn a break#but nope let's make her suffer a bit more#and then it's like 'what do you mean she's sympathetic?????'#bitch do you want me to feel for outcasts or not#and is a homeless 16yo pregnant girl an outcast or not. exactly#sigh i hate quinn's s1 storyline lmao#well hate is strong but we need buzzwords#quinn asks#quinn thoughts#glee asks#anon#rm you lil bitch i respect you more as a person now but you're still nasty
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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one day we will talk about how tennis fans talk about/treat players they find attractive versus players they dont…………
#and sorry but. a lot of you do this!#im sure i do it as well#but sometimes it’s just feels like…idk really obvious that that’s what’s happening#idk it pisses me off. but especially with the wta it feels reductive sometimes to call it out#like ‘oh you’re only supporting her bc she’s pretty’ like EWWW. what a nasty thing to say#BUT i do think it’s true sometimes!!!!#not that people only support players they think are pretty#but that people are far more sympathetic or that they’re more likely to get behind a player they aren’t *usually* a fan of#does this make sense?#and i think it extends to the atp as well but partially less obvious bc ppl let men get away with anything anyway lol#lowkey it feels mean to talk about because any comparisons i make have to insinuate someone’s attractiveness…#but like it really feels like the elephant in the room sometimes…like how do you not see what you’re doing here#and can i be real! i think karo is a massive beneficiary of this!#and i think that’s part of why i notice it so much because i notice the way people talk about her and support her (which of course i love)#but then i compare that with other players who have had similar stories…and i feel like i do have the perspective here—#because i see so much of what is said about karo#so it feels quite obvious when she’s honestly? treated *very* well considering her career#we’ve seen plenty of players who have injury issues who are just labeled inconsistent or as having ‘physical issues’#i think karo gets a lot of sympathy in comparison…and id even go so far as to say i think she’s overhyped sometimes!#which i know is a wild thing to say as a huge fan of hers but i think it’s true! idk. this is not really the point but im trying to explain#what i meant by the earlier tags. that some players who are seen as attractive are given way more leniency in general
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molten/molted/molded
also yes i do actually have a flamingo mug thats sorta chipped, and it is a little ugly, here it is :
its not super chipped, but i was still devastated when i found out
#HI. WILL YOU GUYS LET ME POST PRETENTIOUS POETRY#idk i was just thinking about how im doing a lot better than before and. being sympathetic to the zoned-out escapism i did to survive then#im not that person anymore and feels weird to be in her body? but im glad shes passed away#i dont knowwwww. it feels like im a lizard shedding my skin every year and occasionally ill look at my old molts and be like wow#i used to fit in that thing. i used BE that thing. but now im not#dont take this too seriously i mean its not a vent its just me thinkin about how im doing great and little louie was not HAHAHA#im really proud of this actually i like how the glass effect came out and i like the colors and the poem.... i cooked !!!#this is also practice for lineless/painted art and its not too bad for a beginner#anyways. i like poetry and more ppl should make it casually this is poetry propaganda#uhhh what do i tag this as#poetry#art#artists on tumblr#????? i never know how to tag non-fandom art#anyways thats it :]
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someone pointed out something I did the other day that I didn’t really notice I do and then I was like….. yeah why do I do that and turns out it’s stimming. And apparently I do it. A lot.
#discovering behaviors that you’ve been doing your whole life that people found weird and annoying is stimming is fun!#… haha. ha.#person at work last night: is your shoulder feeling ok? I saw you kind of holding it#me who is constantly putting my left hand on my right shoulder: uhhhhhh…. no. I don’t know why I do that#me googling it about 30 mins laters: 🧍♀️#I mean on the one hand it’s nice that they’re adhd behaviors rather than like…. moral deficiencies I guess#but now I can’t unsee it#it’s an innocuous behavior that is going to make me super self conscious now#I’ve seen… very few (I can think of 2 on the top of my head) docs that I know or work with#that I’ve seen do stuff like this. but they’re both men and they’re both clearly hyperactive adhd#maybe other people are medicated or just better at masking#it’s nice to have a nice to a lot of the struggles of my entire life honestly#but it’s not like it makes it not a struggle or makes people mroe sympathetic#like my husband has the classic hyperactive adhd#and my forgetfulness and messiness drives him absolutely crazy#but his hyperactivity and emotional volatility drives ME crazy#and telling my mother about the diagnosis and what it means and she’s like#’oh I totally have that too!’ yeah maybe you do#but see it was YOU that told me I was a bad person for forgetting things#and YOU that said I was lazy and a slob for having difficulty keeping things organized#and YOU that would smack my hands when I’d pick at my nails and tell me it’s a disgusting hav#and YOU that STILL tells people that your physician daughter ‘gives up on everything!’#…….. do I have some bitterness to work out maybe#🤔#what was this about?#oh yeah anyway. I hope people don’t notice I do this shit#and if they do they don’t know what it means#….uh.#personal?
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tbh I don't mention it a lot but Topaz is a little manipulative. Like she does manipulate and twist words. I think that makes her cool though. I support women especially my business lady Jay Gatsby kinnie wife
#sash talks#topaz hsr#shes still sympathetic for this like cmon kafkas manipulative too but shes silly for that#but when topaz does it its wrong because shes a capitalist and not like . shes also part of a broken system#and was propagandized into believing this system is the only one that can save the world#''shes an adult she can always leave'' girl... life contract...#😭😭😭 she did not have a choice#yeah she Could leave. She could betray all she's ever known. and I'm excited to see her do so#stop working for the knife and all that.#''what like its hard?“' YES IT IS THE IPC IS A GALACTICAL MEGACORP#Intergalactical. even. geez#''why are you so adamant on defending her actions'' cuz i love her and shes cool. my fav even. good night#again ppl forget her planet basically got colonized#cuz she didnt get the short end of the stick doesn't mean thats not what happened#im not saying shes always right shes clearly not. but like cmon#ok nowadays theres more topaz lovers than haters but i still see a lot of the latter. sorry for being salty im normal i prommy
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u kno what really sucks
when self proclaimed toxic friend (friend A) catches wind of a conversation you had with another person (friend B). in which B says A is "kinda toxic".
A then comes to you upset about it. and asks why you didn't defend them.
there's no kind way to say "bc they right"
#girl you have literally been BLOCKED by FRIENDS for toxic behaviour#we have told you TO YOUR FACE to stop doing toxic shit and you just keep going because you think it's funny#“I know I joke about being toxic all the time but it's not like it's true!”#it literally is you may not be toxic to your friends but we see what you do/say to/about randos??#she's the kind of person to teabag people in pvp and start arguments in df#but I know I can't say she IS toxic because she'll just brush it off like everything else I say to her :)#“I can't believe you'd talk about that to group B instead of coming to me :(”#I d i d#and you brushed me off saying “noooo it's not like that!!!! they're super nice I promise!!!!! they didn't mean it!!!!!”#I like to talk to group B about this shit because they actually validate my feelings instead of just telling me what I think is wrong#if it's not how she sees it doesn't count#I may be autistic as fuck but even I know things aren't black and white. everyone is going to see a situation from a different perspective#you can disagree with the perspective you're being told and still be sympathetic/work towards a solution
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[Henry] had asked Lady Shelton whether Mary [was] persisting in her obstinancy. Hearing that she was, Henry became certain that she was being encouraged by secret communication from Katharine. Lady Shelton thought the only possible messenger was Mary's chamber woman. In this she was correct. The maid had been smuggling letters in and out. She was dismissed, as was Mary's confessor, to be replaced by one whom Chapuys characterised as 'Lutheran'.
The King’s Pearl: Henry VIII & His Daughter Mary, Melita Thomas
#as i'm going through this refresher in tandem with reading weir's new novel...#she actually writes shelton as being the one that managed to get her mother's letters to her into her hands#even for fiction that feels...far fetched#ostensibly someone had to be getting her letters from chapuys as well; even chapuys reports at times#that he doesn't know how it's possible she's getting letters out to him#but i doubt it was either of the boleyn aunts here#nor margaret bryan; anne's maternal aunt#even the interpretation that anne was a nonentity by this point and had no clout; basically#would not bear this out; if they didn't fear anne then they certainly would've had reason to fear henry#and i doubt they would've circumvented what he ordered#until after jan 1536 (where shelton is allowing visitors from chapuys bcus she's been sent gifts) this just does not seem to be the case#melita thomas#(also had weir been more faithful to primary sources. then this interpretation would mean shelton threw this chamber woman under#the bus...which she did; but in her rendering it would be to save her OWN skin#rather than at great personal risk which is what she#portrays; for the construction a sympathetic character in lady shelton)#i also think there's a question of agency on this unnamed maid's part that i don't really ever seen given space...#insofar as the hierarchy of privilege etc#was she actually willing to risk her income to do this? that's generally how it's portrayed#but it's just as possible that she felt constrained to do so bcus mary; despite her demoted status; was obviously her superior#even if not her employer#not to mention after being dismissed for such a reason; it's not like she was going to get a reccomendation to another household#it's fair to talk about how both coa and mary were placed in these hostile environments but the hostility and tension#those placed as their servants (not those that had chosen to be there; like elizabeth darrell for coa)#is again...not given the same space; generally#it was probably very frustrating to serve two highly privileged women that refused to answer or look at or acknowledge them#because they were addressing them as the law required.#you can imagine the eye-rolls of the servants which coa called 'gaolers'. since. yk.#a person of a servant's status was likely to have a friend or relative that spent time in an *actual* jail cell. if not themselves .
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any time coriolanus snow does anything
#he annoys me#he really does annoy me#you ever see those posts of people who get high and have moral epiphanies like 'why are there homeless people'#that's him when he's chilled out#he became so sleep deprived once that his conscience made a reappearance and he verbally understood why the districts hate him#but then dr gaul sends him into the arena and takes him back to her creepy experimentation lab for medical treatment#and she gives him some kind of drug that somehow makes his senses *sharper*#like NO#STOP THAT#that's the OPPOSITE of what we want#we want him to CHILL OUT#he's so annoying. he's SO annoying. the complete lack of effort to become better is so INFURIATING because the potential *IS* there#he's starving and abandoned by the capitol he's surrounded by people sympathetic towards the districts he LIVES in district 12#he has every reason to change his mind#and he still won't budge! it's the worst! HE is the worst!!!#you're all lucky i don't usually go for tragedies because I'd never shut up#what do you mean i knew the ending going in so i shouldn't be mad about it. that's even more reason to be mad#why don't YOU look at the potential for an unlived future and try not to be mad#<- that's why he's so obsessed with katniss. he told me himself#mirrors and reflections and lies and truths and choices and circumstances and so on#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the hunger games
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Processing some things
Also the fact that he's crouching with his hands on his knees is so cute to me for some reason?? He does this in another episode too - the one where Chakotay finds a symbol on an unknown planet...it's just so adorable to me. He could just lean down but no. Also of course his fingers are spread again - GOTTA utilize the whole hand whenever you do ANYTHING (if you're Tuvok)
#anyway. he's so pretty I'm gonna bite my arm off spongebob style.#Tuvok in the Maquis: I'm gonna spy on these criminals but also?? I'm gonna try out a new eyeshadow look.#Tuvok calling Neelix 'sir'....one and only time v_v treasure it Neelix#Do these replicators make clothing? (yes.) Will they make me a uniform like yours~?? (No. They most CERTAINLY will NOT. <3)#<- also Neelix is naked and Tuvok brought him a towel in a way that was very theatric but also very 'lets dry you off'#like...not just handing it to him#I love Neelix's scrappier early seasons vibe <3<3#I also like whenever he was like 'GOD these Starfleet people are a bunch of BABIES...eat the damn leola root. It's good for you~!'#I FROGOT KES WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY THE KAZON???? KES ARE YOU OK???#Kes: I'm told I'm too curious...it's my worst quality~ <- and then the writers never let her out of sickbay#In my ideal world Kes & Neelix are like brother and sister (harkens back to Neelix's lost family and gives a slightly more sympathetic#reason for his overprotectiveness which would now not be romantic jealousy but still something he had to let go of for them to truly be#friends) and also Kes tried every work station aboard Voyager...every episode she's somewhere new but her MAIN job is still in sickbay#Kes is in a pseudo cult and she said nu uh I believe in a different pseudo cult and I love that for her#Kes: I don't want to be dependent on the caretaker!! (reasonable) Our people have magical mind's abilities that allow us- (ok Kes)#just bc she was right doesn't mean it's not a WILD thing to think HEhehehe#SNRKEHEHEHE HARRY STOP TOM CAN'T TAKE THIS#Tom: How can I let down the only friend I've got~? / Harry: Friend? What makes you think I'm your friend~? / Tom: -sobbing into his pillow-#Neelix saying 'Well...the fool needs company!' ok <3 I'm twirling my hair a little....got a bit of rizz...#literally an hour ago he was willing to leave them all for dead and now look at him#OUG hTom Paris the racism....ough the racism...not even the fantasy alien kind.......oaaau ugh oh it hurts the real world racism.....#TOM NO STOP TALKING!!! TO M NO THE RACISM - TOM PARIS !! TOOOOM!!!!! <- walter white screaming meme#(remembers its Harry's FIRST mission) a different kind of pain....#Janeway and Tuvok holding hands: We're so fucking doomed. This is a terrible position and we have to do what's morally right but#by doing this we're going to be trapped here - maybe for the rest of our lives and not just us but the entire crew. But we have to#do this horrible thing BECAUSE we're good people.#<- not enough attention is paid (including by me bc I forgor) to the fact that Tuvok was with Janeway when she made that decision#and backed her up...just a sad little moment to themselves#OOF Tom...three for three on the racism....TOM#Neelix's sales pitch...yeeAAAH~!!
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and once again I am suddenly overwhelmed with an intense feeling of not really fitting into a gender
#honestly I don't even know what this is about I just saw some stories on insta and it's like oh look#she is so proud to be a woman whoa ppl...actually do that huh#and I just realised I never really felt that way like. not fully!! maybe a bit of that yeah but not to this full extent of this#womanhood thing#and I mean yeah I probably felt more of it in my teens and like 20s but it only just occurred to me that it's never been to this full extent#of being womanly and motherly and nurturing etc etc#and now I do not feel like that art all I mean I mostly am a creachur. a divine being. if you will. a freak#and I love it tomorrow I'm gonna go try on some skirts which I haven't done in ages and I'm definitely gonna be doing it in a queer way#not in a girl way#anyway#I know this is really weird going on tag rants here where nobody except a few of my mutuals (hey guys love you lots thought u should know)#is gonna see let alone read this but I really don't have anyone irl to talk to abt gender stuff and I mean I tried?#but just idk. ppl don't get it? like everyone in my life already knows I'm queer and they sorta hand wave it away like that is too#complicated and not that important - and it isn't!! but it also is!#I think they might have been more understanding and sympathetic if I were trans but I'm not and being nonbinary is somehow too difficult for#them to grasp idk#and when I say I don't want to be a different gender and feel increasingly outside and to the left of my assigned gender the more I think#about it they just. do not get it. and it is kinda discouraging and leaves me feeling like not talking about it with them ever#I don't know why I'm writing all this tbh#gender#queer things
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