#and then it hit me that this could be such a therapeutic thing for Sasha

[thenecropolix]

Y'all I've had a revelation

Do you think Sasha would like Legos

Like

I feel like that'd be the perfect thing to help him with reclaiming part of that childhood he lost upon leaving his home

Could be that Razputin gets introduced to Legos at the Motherlobe and little man is in love and maybe Sasha sees him playing and listens to him ramble and then Raz gets him to open up a little by asking if he'd like to help him

Just

Sasha finding a love for Legos and him bonding with Raz over it

[fischltao]

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AOT SQUIRTING HEADCANONS

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request by: @multi-fandoms-stuff

"can I pretty request an imagine for aot eren, erwin, levi, connie, armin, jean, reiner, bertolt, ymir, and mikasa about them making there s/o squirt for the first time and there reaction, have the reader get all shy and trys to hide her face??"

notes: ahhh thank you so much for requesting, again im very sorry for the delay and late update, im back on writing now!

warnings: smut, squirting, overstimulation, bodily fluids

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

Eren Jeager:

You and Eren have got it going on for a few hours with him and his titan stamina plunging into you without letting you rest for a minute. You haven't even kept track of how long it's been or how many times he's made you cum that night, only focusing on his cock stretching you open and the way he is holding your throat. It's not long until your next orgasm arrives but oh, this time it feels different and suddenly you're squirting all over him and his cock as he keeps fucking you deeper and harder.

"Eren, I need to clean up, Im so sorry I didn't know this would happen, oh my-" You wail while pushing your hands over your face but instead of him stopping he just snaps his hips against yours harder and says:

"No. You're doing it again" Needless to say, you do, indeed.

Erwin Smith:

On your break you had snuck inside Erwin's office to steal a couple of kisses which soon ended up with you laying on the table all over his paperwork and him taking out his emotions on your poor pussy, to the point where you swear someone's going to walk in with a noise complain- not just due to your loud moans- but also due to the fact that his unsteady table is repeatedly creaking on the wooden floor.

"Erwin, I'm so close, Erwin I-ERWIN" You scream as you realize what is actually happening and not being able to hold it in. Both of you are freaking the fuck out. On any other situation he would find this really hot and treat you so good for squirting on him but you just came all over important papers which needed to be delivered awfully soon and neither has zero idea of what the hell you're supposed to do now. You freaking out must have been even louder than your sex noises and now you're adamant that everyone heard.

This was a different walk of shame

Levi Ackerman:

He had just changed the sheets to your shared bedroom when you walked in half naked after your shower, instantly igniting something inside him. The past few weeks had been really tiring for both and the only way to take your exhaustion away was having you bounce on his cock until you were in tears and shaking.

"You're gonna cum baby? I'm so fucking close too" He whispered in your ear like a lullaby in-between heavy breaths as he moved your hair out of your face and locked his eyes with yours. His movements were so gentle and passionate until you both grew desperate for your release and soon he was guiding your hips faster and sloppier while smacking your ass. It wasn't long until you started shaking while he filled you up. After you both came down from your highs you gained awareness of your surroundings and immediately shrunk to yourself.

"What are you hiding away for?"

"You just changed the sheets"

"I can always put another ones" He said awkwardly as you tried to shift away from his lap, when he pulled you right back in "It would be a shame if i changed them while they're only this wet. We might as well just ruin them completely"

Connie Springer:

Sasha and Jean were sleeping on the couch next to you after a nice dinner and Connie was feeling really turned on, right from the start of the night when you felt his fingers creeping up inside your panties and circling over your clit before teasing their way inside.

"Can we at least go somewhere isolated? I feel bad for-" You choked trying not to make a sound as his finger where now dipping in and out of your cunt in a desperate need of feeling your walls clench around them "Connie-"

"It's too comfy here, try to be more quiet baby" He whispered back as he lifted your skirt and pushed his tip inside not letting it all in but rather slipping it in and then pulling out and rubbing on your clit until you felt yourself cumming. Hard.

You were trying so hard to not make a noise until you realized what actually happened and turned around to look at your boyfriend in shock with heat rising up your cheeks. This cheeky motherfucker was looking back at you with the biggest smirk before plunging his entire length inside. Definitely proud of himself... And you definetely have to clean up before a) Jean and/or Sasha wake up b) Captain Levi haunts your dreams.

Jean Kirschstein:

Jean and you had been sent on different expenditions for the week so it was safe to say that you really missed spending time with each other. And him inside you.

Once he closes his room's door he already has you pushed against the wall and taking you right there while standing up. Jean is the romantic type but missing you made him desperate for your touch. You were sure you were seeing stars at one point, the way he pressed against you was magnificent and it just kept getting better and better until you felt the bubble inside you burst and soon your juices were everywhere on the floor. Everywhere.

You instantly felt like hiding away and audibly apologized while he still fucked the shit out of you. Confused he started slowing down and voiced his concern over your sudden apology until he realized what went down and blushed. 'Thats it, its over' you thought. Suddenly the most unexpected thing happened. A huge smile crept on his face "I made you squirt! Oh my god you look so hot, I bet Eren would never be able to make a girl sq-" He exclaimed before you kicked his leg.

Armin Arlet:

Armin is such a sweet young man. He had you laid on the bed for him as he slowly fucked into you, gasping in between kisses and telling you just how much he loves you. Gaining more confidence in yourself your moans became louder and louder and soon his pace changed into sharp and quick thrusts.

Your orgasm hit you like a freight train and cherished the way he was the one to make you scream and breathe like that. He felt so blessed that you chose him as the man to have inside your velvet walls and-

Why is the bed wet? Did the rain get through the wooden roof? Why are you trying to hide away? Armin genuinely had no clue.

"Is everything okay baby? Do you feel uncomfortable with the waters?" He asked as more color rose up to your cheeks, refusing to look in his eyes as you awkwardly tried to explain what had happened was not a leak in the roof "What did you say?"

"I squirted"

"Oh"

"Yes"

"This is way more exciting than a leaking roof...Way more"

Reiner Braun:

Reiner is an emotional man and it shows when you get intimate with each other. One time he has you on all fours, with a finger deep in your asshole as he rails your guts.

"Noone else can fuck you like that fuck- what is it baby, is there anyone else that will fuck you this good? Have you crying from their cock? Use your words princess come on" He gasped as his own tears were threatening to fall, seeking emotional validation as well as pleasure as you tried to form a coherent sentence while sobbing "Didn't think so darling, you're such a whore for me"

And in the heat of the moment the offspring of his actions and words erupted from your throat as a loud scream and your juices squirted all over his lap for the first time. The sighting made Reiner cum in an instant and neither had the energy to talk about it, until he embraced you tightly from behind and thanked you for allowing him to be with you and sharing your most vulnerable moment with him.

Berthold Hoover:

His cock felt so good as you bounced on it . In a way it was therapeutic and for the past 7 minutes you've been in this position you've felt constantly on the edge and your thighs burned until sweet release washed you over and soon you were clasping poor Bert's shoulders as you screamed and squirted all over him while he pulled his dick out of your spent pussy and slapped its head on your clit as he watched more liquid come out.

After your orgasm died down a little, instant shame washed over you and you tried hopping away before he hugged you tightly and swayed you without realizing that hes accidentally rubbing you on his cock again and that you are about to pass out....

Ymir:

Ymir is a big tease. A really big one. Proof being her refusing to finally push her fingers inside your soaked slit, instead choosing to just rub up and down while slipping half an inch inside before you grew desperate and moved your own fingers to your clit and rubbing vigorously.

"Fuck" You heard her exclaim before plunging two of her fingers inside "Don't stop touching yourself baby, wanna make you cum like that" She commanded as her fingers dove in and out as fast as she could while you screamed under her touch. Your orgasm came fast and before you knew it, Ymir was soaking wet with your juices . "Never knew my girl could squirt, makes me wish I ate you out instead" She says before diving in.

Mikasa Ackerman:

It was a quiet night with Mika as you laid on your bed next to each other. Your conversation ended with your fingers in her pussy and hers in yours. Both struggled with the pace as you chased your release and her moans in your ear caused you to lose control and instantly let go and clench around her fingers as clear liquid soaked the sheets right beneath you and she turned her head to look at you in awe.

"I'm so sorry Mikasa I didn't know this would-"

"Do you think I can do this too?" She asked with flushed cheeks and an innocent look on her face.

"Eh? Squirt?" You asked and before she had the chance to nod you took out the dildo from your drawer and plunged it deep into her dripping pussy.

[cloverfics]

winter things ; eren, armin, levi, hange, sasha, jean, connie, and mikasa

warnings this is just some pure fluff hcs

genre fluff, modern au

word count 0.6k

inspiration n/a

synopsis winter things with some of the aot characters

author’s note i recently caught up on the aot manga and it ripped me apart. so, for my own self indulgence, here’s winter things i’d want to do with them individually ( or could see them doing )

eren yeager;

please ask him if he wants to build gingerbread houses

i can see it getting competitive, so competitive that eren wants armin to step in as judge

just to see his reaction, you play dirty ( eat steal some of his materials, even go as far as breaking his gingerbread, etc. )

doesn't notice for a while but thanks to your snickering and armin trying to hold back his laughter, it clicks

and boy, was eren not having it

after his rant you give the competition to him even though he won technically because of your cheating

armin arlert;

i don't know why but i can see gift wrapping with armin being therapeutic

there's the faint sound of christmas songs while you two are having small talk about who's present you're wrapping

softly asking each other for materials

and if there's bigger gifts, asking for help from one another

and for myself: he'd be there to calm you down when you accidentally pull too hard on paper and rip it

levi ackerman;

just one look at levi and you can tell he's not one for christmas spirit

but pester him a enough times to help you decorate and you'll get what you want

he claims it's because he doesn't want you to make the house ugly but truly he likes it

you know for a fact when you see him focusing hard on which bulb to put on the tree

to make it more fun, you guys decorate different parts of the house

and at the end of it all, you two sit down and enjoy tea ( while levi comments on the parts of the house you did )

hange zoë;

obnoxiously singing christmas songs

i just know it's the best feeling to scream your lungs out with hange

your guys' voice cracking and everything

not a single key is being hit but it's fun

it's usually done on christmas day when everyone else is over

and yes, levi hates it

sasha braus;

you and sasha annually decorate christmas cookies

of course with sasha, it's not smooth sailing

by time you guys are done half of the materials have been digested by her

but she still lets you have your fun and you guys end up with a handful of nice cookies

which by the end of the night are eaten by sasha but it's still fun

jean kirstein;

all i want is to watch christmas lights with jean

he'll probably think it's stupid at first but since you want to do it, he will no doubt

he's glad he goes along with you because seeing your reaction every time you guys see a breathtaking display makes his heart warm

lets be honest, connie and sasha tag along and they don't hold back every time they see him smile at you

connie springer;

speaking of connie, snowball fights are necessary every winter season with him

it's all fun and games until connie nails you in the face and then you're out for blood

you both have forts with stacks of snowballs and you guys could go all day

usually it ends sooner than later since it's freezing

ends with you two cuddled up inside

mikasa ackerman;

build a snowman with her NOW

she’ll be hesitant at first because just like levi, winter fun doesn’t seem like her thing either

but after seeing how much you’re enjoying it she’ll embrace it

liked dressing it the most, even went as far as wrapping her scarf around it

was, surprisingly, sad when it melted

[thedreammweaver]

A Better Son (Gotham Detroit: Become Human Au, android!Oswald)

Warnings: references to drug abuse, violence, murder

Elijah sighed as Oswald prepared his medication. “I feel so broken lately..” he murmured mostly to himself. A recent heart attack had left him confined to a wheelchair for the time being. “I can relate to the feeling.” Oswald said.

Elijah scoffed “The manufacturing error in your leg is not going to kill you, Oswald...this heart’s gonna do me in.”

“If you’re feeling depressed I could download therapeutic software in order to better assis-“

“I don’t want to talk to some program I want to talk to you.” Elijah interrupted.

“Oh..” Oswald didn’t understand Elijah’s aversion but he conceded anyways. He paused as he looked at Elijah’s medicine bag “It appears I’ve misplaced your pain medication again, my apologies. I will locate it so we can continue.” Oswald said before leaving the room, his bad leg making a whirring noise as he walked which it always did. He knew very well that Charles had stolen it, Elijah knew that too.

Oswald pondered as he looked at himself in the mirror after finding another bottle of Elijah’s pain medication. He didn’t know why Elijah tolerated Charles’ behaviour. He reminded himself that it wasn’t his place to question it as he fixed his blond hair, some of the strands having come out of place.

When Oswald came back Charles and Elijah were fighting. Oswald got closer to Charles “Your father’s doctor said that he shouldn’t be stressed out at this time, I would recommend you stop-“

Charles pushed Oswald “Who the fuck said you could tell me what to do???”

“Charles, stop it.” Elijah said.

“Why? It doesn’t care, it doesn’t feel anything.” He said pushing Oswald again.

“Oswald, don’t defend yourself. Charles, get out right now.”

“Why are you always telling me to leave? Is it cause I’m not perfect like this fucking thing?” Charles asked, slapping Oswald.

This wasn’t fair, Oswald thought, Charles had no right to treat him like nothing. Why wasn’t he allowed to defend himself? Oswald saw red and felt something snap in him as Charles was about to hit him again. His LED was flashing between blue and red rapidly until it settled on purple. Charles stopped “You’re not worth it.” He said, only pushing Oswald into the wall before leaving.

“I’m sorry, about that, Oswald. Shall we get back to-“.

Oswald went outside the door and closed it “I’m sorry, father.” He said before locking the door. He ignored Elijah’s protests as he followed Charles.

Charles turned around a bit to look at the android “What the hell? Don’t follow me, freak.”

Oswald continued to follow Charles.

Charles stopped and turned around complete “I said stop.”

Oswald quickened pace, the whirring his leg emitted growing louder as he broke into a run, tackling Charles.

Sasha came out of her room as she’d heard Charles yelling, she came over to try and get Oswald off but without much thought he pushed her hard enough to send her down the nearby staircase. Oswald put his hands on Charles’ neck, the human fruitlessly struggled under him. “Elijah has three family members perfectly able to take care of him. Why does he need an android?” He squeezed Charles’ neck harder “None of you care, you just use him. That’s the only reason you keep him around is to use him.” Oswald continued crushing Charles’ throat “I’ll always be a better son than you.” He said as he heard a few cracks and Charles stopped moving.

Oswald didn’t know exactly where he was in the city now. He’d just been focused on running. It was raining and he was soaked. He stopped to sit in front of a dingy apartment complex, trying to process what he’d done. He was distracted by a woman stopping in front of him as she came up to the building. “You look cold, why don’t you come inside with me.”

Oswald followed the woman inside, she had wild blonde curls and Oswald guessed she was from Hungary based on her accent. “My name is Gertrud,” she said as she dried off Oswald’s head with a towel “You can call me mom if you want...it would be nice to have someone call me that.”

“Do you have children?”

“I have one, but he died when he was a baby..” she handed Oswald the towel and walked him to a door in the small apartment that lead to a tiny bedroom “You can have his room.” She cupped his face “You look how I think my son would’ve looked if he grew up.” She chuckled, a sad note to it “Except he had black hair and his nose was like a little beak.” She pinched Oswald’s cheeks and left him to dry off. There was an old mirror in the room, Oswald went over to it. He used his tie pin to take his LED off and he changed his hair to be black. He grabbed his nose and snapped part of the bridge to make it more beak-like.

Gertrud seemed giddy as she had dinner with Oswald. Of course he didn’t actually need to eat but having warm soup with the kind, somewhat kooky, woman was something he could get used to. “Thank you...mom.” He said, enjoying the way the term of affection made her eyes light up. He was still sad about having to leave Elijah but he was happy he’d found another home.

[ieatchildren03]

Shsiajdn this took WAYYYYY too long to write

AN: helo! This is just a quick drabble on a headcanon that I made. I hope you enjoy it!  

It was meant to be only around 700 words but I got carried away and it ended up being 1100 oops! But that’s all  

Warnings: not much dialogue, not my best work but not bad  

Enjoy!      

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Today has been one of the most stressful days of your entire life. It was whether you were training with your squad or you were helping hangi with their experiments. Back and forth. Back and forth. It was like a never-ending circle.  

So as soon as dinner came around you were trampling your way past everyone -it was quite exhausting and you had to re-energize somehow. And food was the answer, as always of course.  

As soon as you got yout tray of precious flavor mounds -which consists of bread and the watery soup they had every Wednesday. But today they had some sort of fruit along with it, so there was some dessert in there.  

As you sat down at the table the consists of all the superior officers, you were scarfing all of it down, almost looking like a starved Sasha. Levi looked at you and gave you a wrinkled eyebrow and a disgusted face as he looked at you going ham on the poor bread.  

"Do I even want to ask?” he stated hinting at your pig-like self to hangi.  

“I'm sure she's just hungry.” and with that, they started eating her own food.   

Levi turned to you and gave you a look of -we need to talk later- and continued on with his own meal, at a much slower pace than you.  

It was honestly excruciating having to think about going to Levi's office, you just wanted to flop down on your pillow and hit the hay and possibly die, but Levi told you to do something, so you obeyed.  

One of the reasons is you and Levi have been dating for a while now and of course you two kept it a secret. Levi wasn't one for public display of emotions. And you respected that. And honestly, it would be too much of a hassle to keep up with, hangi asking questions, all the teasing, I would overload Levi- and honestly you too- him being 'humanity's strongest soldier’ and all if the public found out, God bless us all.  

The other reason, Levi as well, Levi. He could make you feel better no matter when or where. so you begrudgingly applied.   As you found your way to Levi's door you couldn't help but let your mind wander, 'what was his plan?’ I mean the man has always been one of surprise, but this was unexpected. But you gently knocked on the door and Levi answered with his usual stoic tone, “name and business.” and you replied with “(f/n)”  

He quietly ‘tsk's’ and told you to open the door and you compliance you found him sitting at his desk with mountains upon mountains of paperwork. not surprised in the slightest way possible you quickly found you want to him and kissed his cheek and asked, "what is it you called me in here for love?”   

He looked at you and awkwardly gestures across the desk where there was a chair. You sat down in it and looked at him skeptically, “Levi why did you ask me in here?” you asked for a second time he -again ignored you and simply stared at you.   

He got up and made his way across the room towards you and gently set his hand on your shoulders and thumbs right above your wing bone as he dug then in there. He was giving you a back massage. You groaned at the contact as you rolled your head back. It was such a pleasant feeling- him being here helping you relax. It was so therapeutic you could hardly stop yourself from falling asleep. But as all the stress melted away in your lover's touch and caresses so did your conscientious and your head hit his shoulder as you faded into the darkness.   

-------  

Levi had seen your struggle all day so when you started eating like such a pig he could only wonder how you weren't dead on the floor right now. So as soon as dinner ended he got the idea. You had comforted him so much through all of his stress so why couldn't he help with yours? So he told you to meet him in his office.   He knew it was the girl at the door as soon as he heard the gentle knock on the wooden door, but still gave an athorive 'name and business’. As soon as she made her way towards him, the confusion was clear but once again, he chose to ignore it.   

He wasn't surprised when you had passed out after only five minutes of the message. You looked like a zombie in the cafeteria as you were scarfing down the food.   "Tsk, brat. Always over-exerting herself,” he mumbled to himself as he looked at you sleeping form you looked so peaceful he could only wonder what you were dreaming about.   

He picked up your large frame and carried it to his bed, he didn't want some idiots seeing him crying you back to your room, that would be one hell of a thing to explain.   

As he laid you down as gently as possible, he tucks you in, making sure that the blanket was covering her, and that the position seemed comfortable to her he went to leave but got grabbed by a soft, small hand and looked behind himself shocked.  

Your eyes were half-lidded, but still awake and a slight blush and then you sted drowsily, “stay…”  

Levis's breath hitched you two have never cuddled before so this was a big step in your two's relationship. Levi was going to go back to work - since his insomnia was eating at him- but he couldn't say no to your pleading half-lidded eyes so he gave a gentle shake of his head and climbed into the small bed next to you. He didn't know if he would be able to sleep but he would try. 

  As he gently caressed your stomach a wave of awkwardness settled in him, he didn't want to move his hands to a weard place for you so he settled for the by his head near his heart.   

You felt the lack of touch and turned to face him looking at him fondly as you put your hand over his waist   

He stiffened beneath you but didn’t. no, you hand away, he only moves closer - accepting the fact that he was the little spoon- and had a light blush dusted on his cheeks and averted his eyes from your loving gaze.  

You yawned tiredly and looked at him and gave a tender kiss to his forehead, it was full of love and sleepy-ness and you yawned again.  

"Goodnight, love” he looked at you for a moment, you were absolutely beautiful, your (h/c) looks framing your face and a small smile playing on your lips. He himself gave a small smile as a bit more blush dusted his cheeks and he pulled himself impossibly closer and rested his arm on your waist.  

“Goodnight.” 

[artificialqueens]

i'll be your biggest fan ( trinity & sasha ) - lily2

[ prompt ] : sasha never thought she would ever get married let alone to her best friend but in the midst of the big day she needs help putting on her dress for the event and she knows exactly who to employ to get the damn thing done.

[ author's note ] : I really love their friendship a lot (and also shea/trinity is a huge brotp of mine) and it's very sweet and so like opposite and I find it so charming, wanted an excuse to write wedding sashea as well !!! I genuinely love trinity and enjoy writing her so so so badly, I'm a proud eastern european girl but I will always appreciate my homestate queen! (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

— *.✧

"What if she doesn't like the dress?"

It was difficult for Sasha to even process the insanity that was about to be her own wedding day, her perfectly manicured hands running through her thick blonde curls. The Russian could barely even get a sentence out without wanting to collapse in fear— perhaps not fear but stress though it all seemed to mesh into one demon that kept clawing at her back, that she wasn't good enough for Shea, for this wedding, that she was still scared of the commitment that was about to come.

The issue was not if she was to be devoted to Shea Couleé, the one woman she knew almost instantaneously as her soulmate, her partner, her best friend all these years later.

It was clear the minute they exchanged looks and Shea leaned against the bar, a track from Donna Summer blasting from the stage, Sasha leaning deeper and deeper entranced by her beauty, intelligence, everything. Well rounded and active in her community back in her hometown of Chicago, something the blonde could definitely appreciate considering her own background in both St. Petersburg and Chicago.

"I really should've consulted her, I'm all about fashion but this isn't exactly what you would call my alley way!"

An irrepressible thumping of her heart as Trinity brushed the corners of her hair, putting a box down in Sasha's lap before groaning aloud, the southern girl never shy to share aloud her opinions and thoughts even when not provoked to.

"Sasha Velour, I know damn well you are not trying to talk your mind into stress on your wedding day!" A hair brush in her left hand as she tossed her perfectly sprayed and shortned hair, "Three things in life are absolutely positive: I'm gorgeous, taxes and Shea Couleé being in love with you." The words spitting out her lips before she finished up styling her best friend's hair.

The bride-to-be couldn't help but giggle at the sentiment, it was true, all three facets.

Trinity Taylor was truly a gem on earth, you'd never meet someone with the ability to talk your ear off while almost simultaneously digging a grave for you in Dante's layers of hell. A true southern girl, a beauty queen since high school, everything seemed so perfectly aligned and expected of the Orlando native.

Who needs a degree in economics! Especially when you can just be as gorgeous as I am?

However, expectations aren't always necessarily the reality. Trinity met Sasha, at a bar nonetheless due to a mutual friend and unprovoked, inspired by Sasha's work and ethic as a writer and designer, decided to finally go to college after dropping out her first year after high school. Majoring in business, still a pageant queen at her core and getting a minor in fashion retail as well.

"I'm still surprised you picked me for your maid of honor, if I can be completely honest with you." A smile gently forming across the corners of her lips as she spoke to the girl who was still in her robe, Trinity beginning to put some finishing touches. Sasha's brow immediately cocked and she practically grasped her entire desk.

"What do you mean? We've been close for years! We studied together, I helped you with exams, you introduced me to Shea! Don't be so hard on yourself." The twinge of her still softly reminding Russian accent came out hardest when she was angry or spewing up words, no time to breathe in between sentences.

"Hey! Don't get sappy on me bitch, I have so much makeup on I think our local Sephora might have run out of business." Her hands gently beginning to weave flowers through her hair, taking in a deep breath, learning to be silent and dabbing her puffy eyes when the Russian wasn't looking and closed her eyes, it was awfully emotional.

"You still have to put me in my dress, we have about an hour!" She warned gently, rubbing Sasha's shoulders as the thought begun to truly sink into her memory.

She was going to put Sasha into her dress.

Tears seemed to collect in the corner of her eyes but she brushed them aside, staying strong for the Russian who deserved today: to have met someone as fashionable and sweet as herself though Shea was definitely the best care she had with her isolation of family, it was very heartwarming and bittersweet to the girl who came to the states with nothing but her phone, some sketchbooks and a camera.

Sasha would not budge on her artistic roots and demanded that flowers be in her hair someway, somehow, scattered. At first the brunette could barely stand it, almost bitterly spitting that Farrah could do it instead, hating the idea.

Her intuition however was once again, as if it was a surprise, correct. The illusion was everything, as if she was some sort of gorgeous mythological creature, it was very on brand for her and her own creative processes.

"Told you it would look good."

"Well, sometimes I'm wrong, we ain't perfect but I'm pretty damn close honey."

Flowers intricately being placed in her hair as they spoke with tender laughter, "You know, this entire look, I commissioned the dress and made all the other pieces so I look like Lada, she's a Slavic goddess." Trinity wasn't surprised that she was including her culture in little ways, speckled into her wedding especially being away from Russia.

"Oh really?"

A hint of disbelief in her tone but Trinity knew her best friend well enough to realize her passion for her culture, she kept all her Russian zazz and was delighted to meet Katya, someone to finally share an outlet with, comfortably speak Russian with without feeling targeted or stared at with distrust.

"Yes, a bit of a tribute. Also, my favorite outfit Shea ever wore was this lavender, tulle dress during our fifth year anniversary, it had white flowers in the fabric and I wanted a piece of her in my dress." Her cheeks gently flushing, talking about her (almost official) wife with nothing but devotion and pride.

"That's so fucking cute I wanna throw up."

They laughed and held eachother's hands, embracing in the moment before the robe came off, Sasha sucking in a breath as Trinity unzipped the dress from it's black bag that had been delivered via Bianca and gently held it her hands, being sure to look where she stepped as the dress seeped out of her hands with petals and flowers embleshed adorning every corner of the dress.

It was a nice surprise and breach from Sasha's usual eclectic style that almost always had a paint stain or three, she had her brand down and Trinity could appreciate how confident and how out of the box, creative she was however it definitely made her inner, nostalgic heart smile at the sight of a dress so long it hits the floor on both sides.

"This is really beautiful Sash."

Trinity could only unzip the back of the dress, so beautifully crafted and designed as Sasha was left standing to turn and gently put her legs through the hole of the dress, getting stuck for just a second, careful with her hair knowing Trinity was definitely her smarter half in this situation considering the blonde was simply about to pull it over her head, ruining her styled hair.

"Oh God..." A grumble from Trinity's lips as she zipped her up, it felt almost wrong. This was usually a mother's duty, a family item, the entire process of dressing and making over the bride, no matter how traditional it sounded to anyone else, they know deep in their hearts they were sisters but not having your blood family must sting, especially at a wedding.

It felt strangely therapeutic to tie and zip her into her own wedding dress, she wasn't complaining in the slightest even if the heat from the mirror made her perfectly applied foundation melt and stick just a bit more, she was completely focused on one thing: making sure her best friend was ready and didn't have to do it alone.

Galvanized, Sasha seemed to hold her breath not fully understanding yet that she and Shea would soon be married and finally tie the knot, years of friendship and dating and it had finally happened with absolutely no hesitation from Sasha who screamed "yes!" in just about every language she could speak or name. Trinity touched her back, making sure she was fully snug into her dress before touching her shoulders in comfort, stifling back a laugh.

"Fucking Christ I feel so hideious!" She cried out, hiding her tears with a smirk that spanned across her entire face, unable to erase it as Sasha opened her eyes and seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds, truly taking in the details of the dress and adjusting her bra just a bit before choking up, Trinity quickly intervened, "You better not cry off your mug! I worked hard." The two staring side by side at Sasha together, "My favorite married couple." She sighed as she held hands with the Russian girl who happily was adjusting to the new word: married.

"You can cry once you get down the alter girl, we better get into our shoes because I can already feel us behind schedule, Katya's angry fingers typing away at us to hurry up."

The blonde nodded but not before squeezing Trinity's hand, a silent "thank you" mouthed as she begun to look around for her pair of shoes, her head wondering off to many different places at the same exact time.

"Anytime, any day you need me, I'm here." Her word's crisp as she strapped on her heels, matching her floral wedding extravaganza with a lavendar tulle dress, breaking down her wall a bit and even having shoes with some flowers done in colorful embroidery, Sasha claimed it was a very popular thing in Eastern Europe, that it adorned all their clothing.

"I know, always, when you finally have the confidence to ask out a certain someone especially." The wiggle of her eyes reminding Trinity brutually of her own, suprisingly awkward struggles with love, "Oh you shady!" She gasped, covering her mouth gently and almost hitting her with her bouquet of flowers.

"I'm just saying I see you getting side glances all the time from her."

"Let's not talk about this on your own damn day! Another time."

So they interlocked arms and did one final mirror take, finding it hard they went from senior year of high school, a nervous and introverted Russian girl with a thick accent and passion for fashion shows and politics best friends with the beauty queen, the secretly witty and hilariously instinctive southern belle.

"Let's go bitch, I know well time is a racing!" She yelped as they skipped out the door in excitement though Trinity was attempting to be careful with all the dress material that was sliding across the floors they walked upon, making sure she grabbed Sasha's own flower bouquet filled with Camomile (only fitting to be the national flower of Russia) and odd numbered as she requested.

Hand in hand they walked, unafraid of what was in store and for the future, just as the stories went.

"Well, let's do this."

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Angst you say?

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?" "If you're asking if I'm dying, I'm not" "That's not what I meant. I mean, you're ok. Or you're going to be ok with rest, right?" "Yes, Levi. I'll be fine. They just said u pushed myself too far while sick. When it passes, I should be able to go back to dancing" "I wish you'd told me" "Why?" "Because... you need more you time. I could have looked after Viren, or I could dropped you off, or picked you up" "Viren likes the bus... so does Anna" "Hanji said Anna wants to start dancing" "She wants to do ballet. She's very much the little princess" "What about Viren?" "He hates it. He doesn't mind the crèche, but they're really good with the kids there" "What activities do they do?" "I'm not allowed to tell. He said so" Levi rolled his eyes "He's 2" "And silly mummy isn't allowed to tell daddy anything. That's what he said" "Eren, you know you can tell him off. Smacking his bum for misbehaving isn't the same as putting him through what you went through" Eren nearly laughed. Levi thought he didn't disciplined Viren? Wow... he was even more useless than he thought "Yeah. Sure... anyway, Viren will want a red suitcase" "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I?" "No. I just don't want to talk about it" "We need to. He can't treat you without respect. I refuse to let it keep happening" "Levi, he's just a pup, and I'm not the only mum this has happened to" "It doesn't make it ok. You didn't... you didn't nearly die giving birth for things to be like this. And I didn't promise to marry you, for to be trapped in a life where you're suffering" This was all too heavy. Hitting far too close to home, and it all felt like too little too late "I proposed to you, remember" "And I promised to protect and love you. I love you, but somewhere along the line I started taking you for granted" Ouch. That. That one hurt. Knowing it, was different from hearing it out loud "I grew to expect you waiting at home with Viren. And didn't think about what that meant for you. About how hard it would be for you to be alone" But he wasn't alone. He had Viren. And Anna. And Hanji, and Marco, and Mina and Anka. He had Sasha and Connie. And the people at the dance studio. The only person he didn't have was Levi, because Levi was working hard to support them... and the only person who could ease any of his pain and loneliness was Levi. Even with Hanji, he found himself only speaking half truths, and only seeking comfort from her when his omega side left him feeling so pathetically weak that he'd take love from the first alpha who'd gift it upon him. He was a wreck, and didn't deserve the love Levi was showing him. He wanted to go home... No. wanted to go Hanji's. He wanted to go home if it meant his brain would stop all this shit, and it meant Levi would love him. But they had responsibilities. They had a son to consider and everything else came second to that. "Eren? What are you thinking?" "I think I need to stay with Hanji a while longer" Levi's scent turned pained, his alpha pausing mid step while someone behind them complained at their sudden stop "If I say I want you at home, will you come home?" "Levi. I know you love me. But I'm a mess" "Look. I want to work this out. I already told my boss that I need to be home with you" Levi did what? That wasn't ok. He didn't need more people thinking he was a weak omega. He'd never met Levi's new boss, but they probably thought him a stupid omega "I didn't ask you to do that" "No. But that's only because you felt you couldn't" "If I'd wanted things to changed, I wouldn't have said something" "Things need to change" "And what? You're the only one working. They won't give me a job" "I know Marco and Hanji pay you for babysitting" "It's not the same. Besides, Marco and Jean are thinking of moving. They've been wanting to move closer to Jean's family for a while now, and Anna. She's like a daughter. Hanji won't let me not accept payment. She puts it my account, and sends it back to me if I return it. So I use it on Anna" "Hanji was thinking of putting Anna in daycare to get her used to socialising with more people" Eren held his tongue. Levi wasn't great at forcing a casual tone. Maybe to someone else, but not to him. No doubt Hanji and Levi had been talking about his fragile mental state and decided it was best he wasn't left with small children "It might be good for Viren too. He's got to be sick of playing with the girls all the time" And there it was. He was right "If you think it's for the best. I don't know. I didn't go to school" "Eren. It's not that I don't think you're a good mum" "Levi, everything you've said tells me that's exactly what you think. I do discipline Viren. I tell him I love him. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. And this... this was all ok. I was coping until my meds stopped. All this talking is just making me feel worse" "I just want to help" "You can't ok. You can't. This problem is inside me. I need to work on me and figure out how to fix me. Now. Let's just go home. Viren doesn't need us fighting" "We still need to go food shopping" "You should go with Viren. You don't get to come, but he loves it, and he'd love to go with you" "And what about you? That's cutting you out of the family again, and that's the kind of shit I'm trying to stop" Eren smiled a sad smile of defeat "If it makes him smile, then that's ok. He might not believe it, but if he's happy, than that's all that matters to me" "Why do you... how... fuck. This isn't what I fucking wanted. You're my mate. My love. My fiancée and my omega. I hate this" "I thought happy endings never meant having to be sad... but I love him, Levi. I love him more than I love life. His happiness is the only thing I could wish for. And besides, he loves you. Even if he doesn't want to admit he's anything like me, he's got good taste" "Do you... you know, still love me?" "With all my heart and soul" "Then how do I fix this?" "You stop blaming yourself. I go to the doctor on Friday and we go from there" "I don't think I can wait that long" "Well pushing the issue has only made us both upset. I can smell my own scent and it fucking stinks. I want to bring Viren home and take a bath" "Is that what you really want? Or is that what you think I want?" "It's what he wants. And I want what he wants, for him" Head butting his shoulder, Levi wrapped his arms around him "I don't fucking deserve you" "No. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you" "I don't know how we managed to make the most adorable shit in the world" Returning the hug felt like the right thing to do "I've taken some giant shits, and I promise you, it's nothing compared to giving birth" "Aren't you lucky we only have one. It'd be a shame if anything happened to that arse of yours" Eren hoped Levi didn't notice the way he tensed before forcing himself to relax and nod "Yeah... I guess if we're going to do this right, I won't be staying at Hanji's" "You can. If you need to" "Viren wouldn't be happy there. He really loves you" "God. I feel like an arsehole" "No. You're not. Blame the medication, I am" "I thought you were getting better, even without the pills" "You didn't sign up for this" "I'm your alpha. I didn't even feel it through our bond" Levi sniffled, Eren realising his neck was growing wet as his alpha cried... in the middle of the shopping centre. Levi wasn't an emotionally stunted robot but he also wasn't one to cry like this "I'm sorry. I think we should go home" "Yeah. We can shop online, if that's ok" "Yeah. I usually do"

[bthenoise]

Q&A: Telle Smith Talks The Changing Landscape Of The Word Alive & How ‘Monomania’ Is Leading The Charge

No matter how much some of us might dislike it, change is inevitable. In order to grow, adjustments must be made. 

Now does that mean forgetting your past and creating something entirely different? Of course not. But in order to become better, you can't be afraid to challenge your former self.   

Taking this way of thinking and applying it to their music is Arizona act The Word Alive. Giving their previous metalcore-laden sound a 2020 makeover, the Fearless Records outfit has returned better than ever with their new melodic twelve-track effort Monomania.  

Detailing this concept of change and pursuing pure authenticity, frontman Telle Smith opened up about his band’s writing process saying, “This definitely is the most The Word Alive record we've ever made because this one is the closest to who we all actually are versus what I think people's perceived idea of what we should be.” 

Smith added, “And I know that doesn't always leave every listener happy, but ultimately, if we're not happy with what we're doing and creating and feel like it's pushing ourselves and our story forward then there wouldn't be a point of us being a band.” 

For more behind-the-scenes chit-chat on Monomania plus what fans can expect from The Word Alive’s upcoming Noise Presents tour with Falling In Reverse and Escape The Fate, be sure to read our in-depth interview with Smith below. Afterward, make sure to not only pre-order Monomania before it hits stores February 21st but also grab tickets to see The Word Alive out on tour here. 

What does the title Monomania mean to you? Is there a specific thing that inspired the title for this record?

So kind of an overall theme throughout the record is really just a loss of perspective. You know, when you fixate on the wrong thing or the wrong things, that's all you can see. You don't see the good, you don't see the positive, you can't find the silver lining. When you feel like your life is falling apart and that's all you're focusing on, you're not going to really do much to change that course. So for me, that was kind of where I was a few years ago and it really took the last three years to get to a really good place. I had just pushed so many things, so many experiences, a lot of pain, different traumas -- I mean, throughout my life, I'd always done that -- but especially in my adult life, I had really not dealt with a lot of things and I was starting to kind of just lose who I was. And you know, I didn't even realize it because when you are fixating on things and you lose your perspective, it changes you. It definitely changed me and I was able to still quote-unquote “be enough of myself” to not alarm most people in my life but there were some people who recognized it and said things about it. I kind of either brushed it off or dismissed it or I was even defensive at times about it. 

So to me, a lot of the songs are just the story of how far away I got from myself and how I kind of had to destroy that part of me to get back to myself. So a lot of it has to do with that. Not every song. But you know, like “Burning Your World Down” does, “Monomania” does. “No Way Out” is literally about the worst day of my entire life. So there's a lot of really personal songs on the record. Not every song is [though]. “Another Year In The Shadows” is not about me. There are a few songs here and there that aren't. But for the majority, the whole record is kind of just about that place because I think a lot of people get stuck and they don't find their way out. And this is kind of my reflection on that time, how I was feeling some of the things I was going through that I didn't talk about ever. And, you know, I hope that it can be something that people can be like, “Oh shit, that's how I feel” or “That's what I'm going through.” And hopefully, they can see where I'm at now and use that as a little bit of motivation to maybe face some things in their lives that might be painful and uncomfortable but ultimately it's the right thing to do.

So do you think writing this record was pretty therapeutic for you to get out of that negative space?

Yeah, I felt like I had this baggage that even though I had overcome it in a lot of ways, I definitely feel like I was still carrying it because I felt like I wasn't sharing really where I've been. Some people had noticed I was either different or I was falling into mental or emotional traps or things like negative coping mechanisms that were pulling me away. But for the most part, no one really knew. And so this is kind of my like, you know, “Hey, I'm sorry for the way I may have been towards certain people. This is me taking responsibility for it.” But it's also me trying to say like, “Hey, this is a chapter in my life. I can't change it but I can acknowledge that it's there.” Like, I don't want to ever forget about it. I don't want to act like it didn't happen. That's not my goal. My goal is to just have it there and acknowledge that this is what happens if you don't make the right choices and you don't chase what's best for you which is trying to be the best version of yourself every day. So this record is going to be a huge reminder of a turning point in my life and hopefully also the band's career at the same time.

It's great that you're being so open and honest about all of this, especially since a lot of your fans use your music to help them get through their own dark times and negative spaces. What kind of music do you usually find yourself listening to when you get into that kind of headspace?

It's funny because, for me, I listen to a completely different style of music. When I'm feeling a little bit down, I listen to a lot of like Tycho, Explosions In The Sky. I listen to artists like Sasha Sloane, Alec Benjamin and people who do a really good job of writing about their emotions and what they're going through or gone through or just like music that kind of carries the mood. So that's more where I lean when I'm trying to relate emotion to a sound because you know, a lot of people associate hard rock and heavy music with anger. And sometimes, obviously, that's the case. I think when I was younger, I was more angry and just kind of had so much to prove and I think that showed in our music and our lyrics. But now it's a lot more being reflective. I think some people, you know, they hear music and it makes them feel something and sometimes our music is what people use to go to the gym. Sometimes it's going to be what they use to get over a breakup to not feel alone if maybe they don't have the best home life or they're struggling with depression and anxiety. And then for some people, it's like their driving music, it's their get-ready-to-go-out-and-have-a-good-time music. Music is whatever language that person needs it to be and it just depends on your mood and kind of where your thought process is at the time.

Those artists that you listed, do you think any of those influences carried over into this new record?

I think so. I think because of me listening to so much music that isn't in our genre or our relative genre even, I think the way that I went about melody on this album was completely different. I know this is the most that I've felt like myself vocally. [Producer] Eric Ron did a great job of capturing everything I wanted to have in my voice. Like, this is how I've wanted my voice to sound for years. With our early recordings, it was like 18 layers of screaming -- not actually 18 -- but it was a lot and you can't possibly sound like that. And a lot of the times, it was more than one person screaming and with singing, it was just, you know, whether it was tuned, polished or they would just have me sing the notes like straight on, that was what was popular for that style of music at the time but it wasn't me. And for the first time ever, someone let me just be myself. So everything you hear on this record is how I wanted to sound. It's how I would sing something naturally. When I scream, there's not a ton of layers. I scream stuff like a few times and then that was that. I wanted it to feel very raw. I wanted it to feel more like how it is in a live setting because I look back and say like, Deceiver, Life Cycles, Real -- those records, in particular, I barely even recognize that voice. It's not because I don't understand how it came to be but it's not an actual person. Like, I don't actually sound like that. So for me, it would be like someone playing back your voice and you not recognizing it all versus like now I'm like, “Yeah, this is how I feel I sound in my head.” So I love the way that not having genre restrictions melodically -- like, the guys were just totally open to me doing whatever I wanted or felt was right. I feel like there's a lot more variety in the style of vocals from singing soft or aggressively, whether I'm singing in a lower register to the highest. I just feel like I could do whatever felt right to me. And I feel like that just makes the vocal performance way more authentic.

Coming into this record, was the idea of authenticity and trying new styles where you guys wanted to go initially?

Yeah, I think where everyone has been we understand how we started, but ultimately, when we started The Word Alive and for the first several years, none of us really knew who we were individually -- let alone who the band was or what we wanted the band to be. Fortunately enough, we made enough songs people loved and it resonated with them so it carried us past 10 years to where we weren't just kids anymore. We're adults now who have enough life experience to truly make decisions that are made not just where we've been, where we are but where we want to go. 

So for us, this definitely is the most The Word Alive record we've ever made because this one is the closest to who we all actually are versus what I think people's perceived idea of what we should be. And I know that doesn't always leave every listener happy, but ultimately, if we're not happy with what we're doing and creating and feel like it’s pushing ourselves and our story forward then there wouldn't be a point of us being a band. So there are times on this record where there are no guitars at all -- which, going back to our beginning, that would have never happened. But now, we're more about the overall song, the mood, what is this song about, what are we trying to convey, what emotional journey are we trying to take someone on in this... And if that means no guitars or if that means what you hear on some of the songs -- like “Numb Love” has one of the craziest guitar parts we've ever done, “I'm Sorry You're Sorry Now" has one of I think the best and most beautiful guitar solos we've ever done. So we have those elements. Even the last track, I think there are parts that are just so amazing and so much more thought out than just how fast can we play. I think everything carries a weight of the emotion of the song. And everything is very calculated. Everyone wanted to fill the space that was needed, not just fill space to be there. I'm really proud of how the record turned out. I'm very conscious of the fact that everyone in the band just did what was best for the song at any given time. Sometimes that's me doing less, sometimes it's guitars or sometimes that's programming or drums and then everyone still has their time to shine and really show what everyone can do. So it was a really fun process this time around.

Are you surprised it's taken five records for you guys to come to this space collectively? You know, where you're doing things how you want to do it instead of following the trends of the scene?

You know, I am and I'm not. I know we started feeling this way when we started making Dark Matter and that's when you can tell a sonic shift in our sound really was the most obvious because the sample size for the songs prior to it like on Real -- like if you have a song like “Collapsing” or Life Cycles’ “Astral Plane.” They're not metal songs, they're not metalcore songs, they're not necessarily anything that has a small box name to go with it. We felt like certain songs we were doing had a motion to them and then some songs were like, “Alright, here's the chorus, then we're going to do a build-up, then we're gonna do a breakdown and we're going to do this. And we have to have this in the song, we have to have that in the song.” And it used to be so calculated in a like “pleasing someone” way. And now it's calculated in what is best for this song and what is the story that we're telling. I just think it's a lot deeper now. But am I surprised it took us this long? Yes and no. Yes because, say you hit like 25 [years old] and you're like, “Alright, I got it. I know who I am.” Well, we didn't know shit. And then it's like, we all hit 30 and we're like, “You know, we got it all figured out. Not in the way that we thought we did at 25. Now we know that we have it all figured out to here, like up to this point.” And we know that we're just constantly growing and evolving, changing, learning, experiencing new things. And that's going to shift the way we think, the way we feel, the way we emote. So, I'm not surprised because now looking back, I'm like, “Yeah, that's a natural thing people go through. It takes time.” I'm surprised that it took us this long just because we started feeling this way so much sooner than when I feel like we actually got to display it. But thankfully, our fans let us experiment. We had to put out the records we put out to get to this point. If it took five albums to get this record, I can't imagine what it's going to be like for the next five.

In today's day and age with fan interaction being so direct and immediate with Twitter or YouTube comments, do you find that it's more challenging to be authentic and really put your full self out there?

Well, it's funny because I was being as open as I knew how along the way but there were several years where -- I'd say probably like 2014 to 2018, maybe even 2019, almost half of our whole career -- I really struggled with the concept of separating how I feel and how proud I am of the music compared to the way the world is changing with social media. And yeah, seeing people berate you online is never going to make you feel good by any means. But I just didn't have the mental and emotional strength at that point in my life to really deal with it in the best way. Like now, it's not that I don't care at all -- I would love if people liked our music, of course -- but I don't mind if someone doesn't. I just understand that our music is being pushed out to potentially millions of people around the world. I would be insane to think that it's going to connect and resonate with every single person. And I had to get to a certain point in my life where I realized that some people, because of the way the world is, they feel the need to let you know they don't like it or they don't resonate with it or they might say that with lot harsher set of words. But for me, I just understand that it doesn't say anything about me. That doesn't speak to my musical tastes or ability. It doesn't make me or my band any less talented. It's just how they feel about the music and that's fine because there's something that they will love. I do wish that people would focus more on what they love then what they hate. But I think people who are enjoying things are just busy enjoying it. Whereas that person that seems so loud on the internet, that's what gives them a rush in their day or something. I don't know what it is exactly because I'm not like that, I don't relate to it but I wish those people the best and I'm just thankful that I'm at a point now in my life where I make the music I want to make. I love what it is. I love playing shows, I love meeting our fans. I love sharing stories and I'm going to do it until the day I die regardless of if some people don't like it. I mean, that is kind of inconsequential to my life at this point.

That's a great way to look at it. Hopefully, people take away some of the positives you pointed out and apply it to their own lives. It's too bad there isn't a study on why people have to talk shit on social media. Maybe people tend to stick together more with negative things than positive things?

I think it's just as harmful for the person doing it as the person receiving the negativity or the backlash. Habits have a way of forming and pulling you away from your true self and who you want to be in life. And, you know, someone might say, “Well, I just go on the internet and I do this and then I go about my day.” But there's a pull. They get some sort of satisfaction from it otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it. And when you get satisfaction from ultimately hurting someone or attempting to, I can't imagine that's a very fulfilling way to live. And I think a lot of people confuse hate with criticism. You know, it's totally fine to be critical and ask questions and wonder what could be at times. But, you know, when it goes much deeper and it's personal and you feel the need to attack someone, I just don't feel like that's a healthy way to live your life in any way. I mean, can you imagine only going places with the intention of hoping you don't like it so you can leave a bad Yelp review? You're not going to enjoy things. And also, if I had a dollar for every person who's written me over the years who maybe hated a song or album that we put out then months or years later wrote me and was like, “You know what, I listened to it a few more times and I actually like it now or I love it” or like, “Man, I just went through this in my life and now this song means everything to me” then maybe people could actually call me a sellout because I'd have a lot of money.

[Laughs] Going from negative to positive, another exciting thing you guys have going is the tour you’re about to start with Falling In Reverse and Escape The Fate. You've been friends with those guys for a really long time. What's it going to be like for all of you to play shows together?

I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. Like you said, we've all been friends. I've been friends with Ronnie [Radke] for 10 years now and Craig [Mabbitt] for 12 years now because we were friends before The Word Alive was even a thing and then obviously had a little hiccup for about six months. But we've been friends for a long time. All that old drama and what people think is a big deal, like all of us, we're older. Those dudes have kids now. I don't have any offspring but we're all just adults now that can look back on those things and laugh. Half the time, antagonizing situations on the internet are just things we can laugh at it. So it's gonna be a lot of fun. The shows are selling extremely well. And it's what fans wanted. That's why we did this tour. I mean, the first time I started talking to Ronnie about doing this was almost a year ago. So it just took a lot of schedules shifting and trying to find the time to do it. Once we found out this was going to be the best time, we were like, “You know what, let's do this.” This is going to be something that all of our fans, especially the old school fans, are going to really enjoy. But obviously, we're all doing new things now. So I think for us, it's going to be a great opportunity to showcase what we've become over that time.

Yeah, it should be cool for some fans who haven't seen you guys play in a few years to see how you all have grown and progressed.

Yeah, and we're doing something special. We're playing a song that no one thought we would ever play that we've never played live. We're going to play "Heartless" for the very first time.

Wow!

It's funny because we retired Deceiver but we didn't say the deluxe edition so we felt like this tour was the perfect tour to play it for the first and probably last time. We might play it on a headliner depending on how well it goes over, which I'm assuming it's going to go over well. But yeah, we haven't forgotten our fans at all and we want to do something fun for them, especially on this tour. So I'm looking forward to trying not to botch all of those crazy lyrics.

[a-streetlight-in-the-heat]

Taxi Brooklyn

Just finished watching that show this morning. I’m only a couple of years late, but possible spoilers ahead for anyone who’s farther behind than me.

I could have sreamed at the screen for a minute straight (well not straight after seeing a season of Chyler Leigh with a pixie cut and those shirts!) after that ending. No kidding. I could control myself, but not by much. Damnit, I should have waited until after my final exam. Now I’m writing therapeutical fanfiction, instead of studying. I’m going down!

Side note: Can we just quickly agree on one thing? Frankie is alright, yeah? Yeah. Sure, she wouldn’t go her usual routine when her daughter is wanted for murder. No way she was on that ferry boat. Thank you.

That’s it from Sasha. I’ll go, hug my knees to my chest and write Cat’s take on shit hitting the fan. How is it legal to end a series on a cliffhanger like that?

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

COTW - 4 start. Guys... why didn't you tell me it was sooooo bad?!? I reread it and damn... my brain and fingers really haven't been communicating

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?

[quirky-tangents]

Y'all I've had a revelation

Do you think Sasha would like Legos

Like

I feel like that'd be the perfect thing to help him with reclaiming part of that childhood he lost upon leaving his home

Could be that Razputin gets introduced to Legos at the Motherlobe and little man is in love and maybe Sasha sees him playing and listens to him ramble and then Raz gets him to open up a little by asking if he'd like to help him

Just

Sasha finding a love for Legos and him bonding with Raz over it