#and then i was like how DO they say Fionnuala

[redaynia]

How would USAmericans try to pronounce Fionnuala

[enbeemagical]

Idk if this is a good time for it but I've been working on a queer fantasy story for over a year now. Sapphic romance. Brown trans enby lead. Resistance against a fascist empire. Y'know. Standard stuff.

Haven't got all the kinks worked out, need to smooth some things out in this round of edits and get back to making progress but like. Yeah. This is coming, eventually.

a handful of quotes below the cut

Thus the Empire of Light began. It was an era known for peace, its birth marked by blood and slaughter. Peace reigned as the Emperor demanded it, his word made law through fear and bloodshed when his propaganda was insufficient. It was not to last.

A thrill raced through my body at her touch, the whisper of her breath on my palm. “Yes,” I promised. “I’ll see you then.” On impulse, I pulled away, dropped to the ground to find the fallen rose. There, it wasn't even squished. I offered it to her with my best attempt at a charming look, extending my arm like a storybook prince. “Til then, take this.

“She’s scared,” Fionnuala said frankly. “Her heart’s been broken before and she’s scared to let it happen again.”

“Hope you don’t mind,” Vida mumbled in my ear, sounding more than half asleep. I snuggled into her and fell asleep with a smile on my lips.

Another sigh, sounding almost as if she were bracing for something. “Love, look. Feelings, the deep ones, they’re hard for me. I don’t know that I’ve ever had anything more lasting than a passing fancy, and you–” Her voice cracked. “You deserve better.” “You already said you want to be friends, you don’t need to explain that twice.” “No– love, listen.” Vida’s hand caught my chin as she leaned over me. “What I’m trying to say is, I’d like to try, if you still want to.”

“How can you laugh?” Fiachra teased. “Da’s got no idea what to do with another boy around! He’ll be so lost.”

Wasn't I… well, traitorous was the only word I could think of. I'd practiced magic without a license, and whether I was a girl in love with a girl, or a boy who'd been born a girl… or, maybe, neither… what I wasn't was the good daughter I was supposed to be. Maybe I was a shadow too.

Ceri’s dark eyes reminded me of an inquisitive beetle I’d found on the edge of the water bucket when I was a girl. It hadn’t meant to be any trouble, it had just been there. I’d watched it, entranced by its shining black carapace, until my mother came to see what was taking me so long. She’d screamed and slammed the bucket to the ground upside down, killing the beetle and causing me to burst into tears. Later, she’d said she was only scared.

“That’s entirely fair. Are you ready?” A bubble of laughter squeezed its way up. “No. Do it.”

“That’s politics, Shadow. One aspect of it, anyways. Changing the world, little by little.”

“Wasn’t there another way?” Ciaran was silent for a few seconds before he admitted, “Perhaps. Perhaps there was. But I still feel the world is no worse off for the loss of him, and I cannot find it in me to regret it.”

“Don’t you ever want to do something you’re not supposed to? Love the wrong way, be the wrong person, want the wrong things?”

**bonus mention to two scenes friends specifically liked that were a bit longer than I wanted for this, the "Would you love me if I were a worm?" "Yes but also please don't be a worm. ew" conversation, and the "hot" meeting scene where one character puts her finger on another's lips and says "I want you knowing you're in your right mind for this [kiss]"**

[taraljc]

popping in from the renaissance/medieval post from like 4 days ago. Sorry. Hi. That's the duck. That photo you posted. I spent many a far too early morning in that yard and that was before we painted it and so probably before my time there but only just, but i'd recognize the fence and the shop in the bg anywhere and now i'm sitting alone in my apt in mn smelling cinnamon almonds and listening to the court of common pleas from the other side of the building and oh so desperately missing randall t and his sideways grin as he mussed my flatcap and minding the step from inside where the fridges and nessie were and the duck itself was slowly sinking into the ground because it was still just a garage that someone dumped and left and standing with my cast mates looking as sad and pathetic as we could after lunch at our guildmaster (sue at the time, later my own mother,) hoping she'd let the three of us take on the revelers in a game of stool ball to defend st. lawrence's honor where someone would inevitably get injured. disapproving looks from t. stacy hicks if we hiked our skirts up high enough to run (this was, naturally, back when i was still deep in pretending to be a girl because y'know, *life*,) and then taking meatpies up to rick and chris in the serenghetti and spending some time with st. mike's concocting Plans what eventually ended in four ducklings with soot goatees and twirly mustaches engaging in impromptu land naval warfare. how dare you hit me with so much nostalgia it hurts in a post where i completely clicked on all the read mores half expecting the beige paperback we got at BAPA detailing all the things we needed to know to be decent period actors. i still have mine, y'know? currently it's packed in a box because i'm moving house next week, but i know exactly where it is and this... oh tara. i've never so much as skimmed your blog before to my knowledge and you have skewered me but good. please forgive the typos. it's 4:30am and i am deep in my feels all of a sudden.

My Emma and I worked at the duck from 1997 to about 2001 and I share your feels! I don't even think we were the guild of St Larry's yet I think we were just an offshoot of the Revellers back when Katie and Ralph ran it before they got divorced? and then we had TJ and the lovely man from court whose name I can't remember sort of as co-guild leaders but Karl was still doing the duck sort of separately?

for what it's worth, we are the ones who started bringing hard boiled eggs, pies from the Middle East Bakery, and started selling to everyone with a pass not just the Revellers Guild and not just the actors but the shoppies and the grounds crew and everyone.

and I absolutely 100% remember the Duck slowly sinking into the ground. I think the fence was a new addition? The innyard in the back I mean that fence was a relatively new addition. And I do remember the tables because I want to say Enzo built them (before he and Sue were fight cast they were Revellers) and then we stained them and waterproofed them but they weren't that great and so they were slowly turning green by the time I left?

Anyway yes, that is me in that outfit and so if you were fed by me I probably would remember you! My faire name was Fionnuala Ní Loughlin and my husband Liam was a dead sailor.

(We were also almost single-handedly responsible for Susan who was not yet Susan Scot Frye banning us from scaring the shit out of the patrons by crying during the 3: 30 melee.)

I miss Randall too, so much. and Enzo and Marc LePescu who ran The Forgery and so many others that we've lost over the years.

[masterkiszka]

English Coffee

Triggers: 18+ only!, some DA, name calling, etc.

Summary: Fionnuala has had a shit time, so when she gets screamed at by a customer it’s the last straw. She gets a job working with Greta Van Fleet on their tour as a costume design assistant. She has a rule for no relationships but what happens when she catches the eye of Josh? Will she go ahead and follow her heart, or will she refuse and lose everything she loves ?

Chapter 7.

When I got back to the hotel it was around 3 so I ordered some Jack in the Box to the hotel and went to collect it. I had got changed into my pajamas, but who cares? Just me, a couple of burgers and whatever shit is on the tv in the room. I collected my food from the lobby and walked back to the lift to go up to my room.

When I got to the floor and the door opened I saw Josh was stood outside my room. Shit, how did he get past me? I panicked and tried to close the lift doors, rapidly pressing the button. But he had already heard the lift. He was staring at me, slight amusement on his face when he saw me pressing the button. I finally admitted my defeat and walked out, keeping my head high I refused to look at him as I pulled the key out of my pocket. I walked in front of him and opened the door, ‘Flo can we talk?’ He said softly, I signed and turned around. ‘I don’t particularly want to speak to you right now Joshua, okay?’

‘I’m sorry love, can I please come in and explain?’ He said staring at me, his eyes softening. ‘Don’t you dare call me ‘love’. After the way you spoke to me? How you embarrassed me in front of the others? You come here and try and apologise, you can honestly just fuck off.’ I said, my temper getting the best of me. ‘Fionnuala please just let me in, I want to explain.’ He said calmly. I stared at him and took a breath to calm myself, ‘Fine.’ I said walking away.

I walked over to the bed and placed my food down. ‘Can I explain?’ He said leaning against the desk. ‘Go ahead, whatever you say isn’t going to change what you did.’ I said, sitting down and pulling my food out. His face changed to one of amusement, ‘What? I’m hungry, infortunately someone told me I wasn’t welcome to stay and eat.’ I think my dig got to him, his face dropped and he looked down.

‘Flo I’m so sorry.’ He said after a few moments. ‘After we kissed, you just seemed to forget about it. Like it didn’t mean anything to you. You pulled away and moved on. It upset me, I kissed you and you act like nothing happened. You walked away and then disappear with Jess when we get got the bar, talking about whatever is going on that you still refuse to tell me.’ I cut him off, ‘Refuse to tell you? I do not refuse to tell you something that has nothing to do with you. You interrogate me constantly every chance you get even when I keep telling you to leave it alone Josh! Then suddenly you kiss me, no you don’t get to do that. Don’t put this on me.’ I said standing up.

‘I do not interrogate you. I care about you Fionnuala, I care so fucking much. More than I have ever cared for anybody before. I know something is going on. I know something is hurting you and I care, I want to help and you shut me out. I know Jess knows what’s going on. You tell Jess but not me, I thought we were friends. We had something going here but you refuse to open up.’ He said, I cut him off again. ‘I told Jess because she is my boss, she deserved to know that it wouldn’t affect my work. She never dug, she never pushed. I thought we had something going here, but you have ruined it. It’s moving too quick. You can’t walk in here and tell me I refuse to tell you something so personal to me. I said I didn’t want to tell you Josh but you keep pushing. I’m done, I’m done with this. Please leave.’ I said walking over to the door opening it, he stared at me.

I avoided his stare, and found myself looking at his hair. His gorgeous curly hair, with the shaved sides. He was absolutely stunning. I wonder what it would feel like if I run my hands through it. No stop Flo.

He stood there for a minute, just staring at me. His face looked pained, hurt almost. I felt my chest tighten from the hurt on his face, he stalked over to me and out the door. I could feel the anger rising, my face going red. ‘Dick!’ I shouted at him as he walked down the hallway. He turned round his mouth hanging open, shock evident on his face. I glared and slammed the door.

I stalked across my room and crossed my arms, breathing heavy. How dare he. I ran my hands through my hair, pulling at the roots and fighting back tears. I walked over to the bed and got under the cover, pulling a burger out.

I flicked through the channels until I found a re run of Gimore Girls. Perfect, that will calm me down.

How is this gonna be tomorrow ? How are we going to act? I pulled out my phone, I need to talk to Jess.

Flo: Jess, we need to talk.

Jess: Already in the lift.

I carried on eating my burger when she walked in, ‘Has he spoke to you yet?’ She asked sliding in next to me and grabbing a burger. ‘Yep. We screamed at each other, I told him to leave and shouted that he’s a dick down the hallway when he was leaving.’ I said sulking back into the pillows. ‘Oh, well. Um, okay. How is this going to work then? With work? We have more designs to do in a couple of days.’ She said looking at me. I shrugged, ‘That’s what I was gonna ask you. I was going to be polite and civil.’ She nodded while looking at me, ‘Probably the best way, let both of you air it out then see where it goes from there.’ She leaned back next to me.

I nodded, ‘I don’t feel like this is right.’ I sighed, staring down at my nails. ‘What do you mean hun?’ Jess asked, typing a text away to her husband. ‘This job. I don’t think it’s right for me anymore.’ I said sitting up. ‘What?’ Jess asked, looking at me. Shock on her face. ‘I don’t think I can stay. I can’t stay here with what’s happening with Josh and just act civil. It’s too much, I came here for a fresh start and now it’s all going wrong an-‘ She cut me off standing up. ‘No! You are staying, this is right for you. You’re doing so well, you have so much potential and you’re doing amazing. You can’t leave!’ She said chucking her hands up. I stared at her, I could feel myself tearing up. ‘I can’t, I won’t. It’s too much, it’s never gonna work. It’s going to be horrendous staying Jess, it’s never going to be the same. I’m going home.’ I said, tears welling up in my eyes. I stood up and walked over to the bathroom. ‘I’m sorry Jess.’ I said starting to grab my things. ‘No Flo, please. You’re the best assistant I have had, you’re doing amazing here. This is right I promise. Leave the guys to me, I will deal with it. You and Josh will work this out!’ She said following me.

‘No it’s not! It’s all gone wrong. I have fucked it with Josh, I have treat him like complete shit! He hates me, I can’t just carry on like normal knowing what’s happened. I’m going home. Please, just let me go Jess.’ I said waving my hands about. ‘No. I won’t.’ She said walking out. I put my hands on the side and let my head hang between my arms. I took some deep breaths and let the tears fall. I started to pack all my things back up, I booked the next flight to Edinburgh for tomorrow morning at 5. I didn’t tell my mum or Orla that I was coming home, too embarrassed it failed.

I had packed the majority of my things and was in bed trying to get a few hours sleep before I left in the morning. My phone started ringing, I checked who was calling and it was Josh. I cancelled the call and rolled over, I don’t want to talk to him or anyone right now. They will try to make me stay. My phone started ringing again, it was Josh again. I ignored it, it rang again.

‘Hello?’ I snapped, ���Fionnuala you better talk right now, what the fuck is going on? Jess says you are leaving?’ It was Sam. I signed and put the lamp on, sitting up. ‘Sammy, I am sorry. This whole thing with Josh, I can’t stay here. It’s making it so hard for me to work, and the way he spoke to me? I can’t just fix that.’ I heard him sigh from the other side of the phone, ‘I’m coming over, you better let me in.’ He hung up.

I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to brush my hair before he arrived. Within a few minutes I heard knocking at the door, I answered it, Sam was stood there with his arms crossed and a glare on his face. I stood to the side and waved my arm, ‘Come on in.’ He still didn’t say a word as he walked in. ‘So that’s it? You’re just going to pack and leave? No goodbye? What the fuck Flo?’ He said standing the middle of the room. I closed the door and sat on the bed. ‘You have to understand Sammy, me and Josh aren’t getting on. He hates me, I’ve ruined it. Even if we made up, it would be awkward to work together. You saw the way he spoke to me? I can’t work with someone like that, it would be horrible. The best thing is for me to leave.’ I say rubbing my face, I heard Sammy sigh, running a hand through his long hair. No shoes on, as always. ‘No Flo. You guys are working this out and you’re staying.’ He said coming to sit beside me.

‘We have come so far with you and Jess, me and you are just getting to become really good friends and I am not just letting you walk out like nothing has happened.’ He said, I heard him sigh at the end.

He placed his arm on my shoulder, I let my head fall onto him. His phone started ringing, ‘Hey.’ He said standing back up and running a hand through his hair. ‘No, it doesn’t matter. No, don’t. Josh come on. I’m dealing with it. No.’ He hung up and chucked his phone on the side. ‘Was that him?’ I asked staring down at my hands. ‘Yeah, he said he’s coming over. Now you do not have to let him in. But he really wants to talk Flo.’ He said sitting next to me and wrapping an arm around me again. ‘No, Sammy please. I don’t want to see him, can you tell him I will see him in the morning?’ I said leaning against him. He rubbed my arm, the smell of his cologne filling my nostrils, ‘Of course love.’

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he spoke, ‘So you staying?’ He asked hopeful. ‘I have no idea.’ I said softly. He smelled like tobacco and whiskey, classic Sam. ‘Okay Flo.’ We heard knocking on the door, Sam got up and looked at me, I just stared back at him. Silently asking me if it was okay.

He walked over and answered it, I watched his tall frame round the corner to the door. ‘She doesn’t want to talk to you Josh.’ I heard him say, ‘Let me see her please Sam. She’s going to leave, I need to talk to her.’ His voice was desperate, almost panicked. ‘No, Josh I’ve got it. I’m dealing with it.’ ‘Sam let me in. I need to talk to her please.’ ‘Tomorrow, Josh. She wants to talk tomorrow, not tonight. Can you come back tomorrow?’ Sam said, impatience filling his voice. ‘Fine. But i’m coming back in the morning.’

Sam closed the door and came to sit back next to me. ‘You okay?’ He asked getting under the cover like I had done. ‘Yeah, I think so.’ I mumbled, wringing my hands. ‘This is just so much Sammy. I don’t know what the fuck is going on.’ I said, feeling my eyes well up. ‘Oh, Fionnuala. Come here.’ He said pulling me into his chest. He rubbed my back as I sobbed softly into him, I wrapped my arm around him and hugged him tight. Even though we haven’t known each other for that long, I feel like me and Sam are getting really close and I can talk to him.

He left after about a couple of hours with me, he never asked me if I was staying again. I guess he was leaving it up to me, he said his piece and now he’s letting me decide what to do.

I love this job, I love this job so much. It’s amazing, and i’m travelling the world doing everything I have ever dreamed of. I’m healing from my relationship with Ezra, and finding who I am again. I’m doing amazing in my work, the guys and Jess love the stuff I am coming up with. But Josh.

I like Josh, a lot. I can’t hide from the fact anymore. He hates me, I can tell. Even if he apologised and I forgave him, it would be so awkward to work together. We will never work, a relationship will never happen. We live in 2 separate countries, he is a fucking singer in a band and he tours all the time. I am a normal girl from England. This will never work. I can’t have it work, he is my boss it’s crazy. It’s unprofessional.

I have to decide if I am staying.

[erinsuselessopinions]

How the Celtic/Welsh Myth of Blodeuwedd will act as an online for Elain's romantic plot in ACOTAR 5(or 6 if that's how you roll)

Hi,

I don't really know how to use Tumblr so we'll see how this goes...

So I was scrolling through the ACOTAR Pinterest board recently (like I always do once a month😂) and noticed a lot of pins that are of females surrounded by flowers with animals around them. However, one in particular caught my eye.

This pin is of the Welsh Goddess Blodeuwedd and the note for it says Elain.

So naturally, with me being being the mythology nerd that I am, I did some more research into the myth as I only knew the basics. Doing so, I found many similarities between Blodeuwedd and Elain as well as what could act as a potential outline for her love story.

The Story of Blodeuwedd

Lleu was the abandoned son of the god Arianrhod. His story with Blodeuwedd also talks about his struggle to kingship. Arianrhod tried to stop Lleu from gaining his kingship in order to prevent shame being brought upon her due to his companions. He would not receive a name unless it was from her. He would not receive his arms, unless from her. As well as that, he could never marry a mortal woman. Ultimately, unless it be through her own auspices (meaning: approval, support, control), he would never become king.

Lleu was giver some magik in order to ensure that he would live long enough to gain his kingship. The magik made it so that Lleu could only die from the most outrages and out there situations. Arianrhod was tricked into giving Lleu his name and arms, however he still did not have a wife. His cousins, Math and Gwydion, used their magick to create him a wife from the flowers of the Oak, Broom and Meadowsweet. She was the Goddess Blodeuwedd.

Blodeuwedd was made to be his mate, and she did so flawlessly. She was the perfect wife. The perfect mate. His people loved her and her beauty was unmatched.

One day, Lleu went hunting and left Blodeuweds and her ladies alone in the castle. A young huntsmen was seeking shelter from a storm, his name was Gronw. From first sight, him and Blodeuwedd fell in love. In order to ensure that they can be together, they devise a plan to kill Lleu.

Gronw leaves and Blodeuwedd starts expressing her concern to Lleu about how she is scared he may die. Her concern causes Lleu to show her the very circumstances where he could die. A bath is prepared on the riverbank and it is covered with a thatched roof, making it neither indoors nor outdoors. Lleu stood with one foot on the bath and one foot upon the back of a goat. Gronw throws a specially made spear which hits Lleu in the side. He turns into an Eagle and leaves. Once nursed back to health, Lleu along with his cousins find the two lovers. Gronw is killed while Blodeuwedd was turned into an owl.

Modern day take vs. My view

In modern day society, some people have used Blodeuwedd's story as an example of infidelity as well as how lust can overtake someone.

I however, disagree to a certain extent. While Blodeuwedd was unfaithful in her marriage, I feel that there is a reason behind it, not that that makes it okay.

Blodeuwedd was made by men, for a man, based off of those mens own personal desires. She was made and told that she was to marry Lleu and that that was her purpose in life. She was never given a choice. She played the role of the perfect wife and mate. The people loved her. She loved Lleu and he loved her, but they weren't in love with each other. They cared for one another. They did their marital duties, but they weren't in love. Then Blodeuwedd met Gronw and he sets her world alight.

For the first time in her life, Blodeuwedd wants something so strongly and she wants that to be her choice. She was prepared to give up everything for that love.

Blodeuwedd's story is the story of a girl who lived her entire life playing by the rules and roles that someone else made for her. She wasn't living her life, simply existing in someone else's.

How I think this will act as an outline

Although I do not think that Sarah will kill anyone like the myth, I do think she may use it as a base outline.

Elain and Blodeuwedd have a lot of similarities. Both spent a large amount of their lives playing a role. Both were given mates and told that this is the person they are destined to be with. Both are willing to fight for the love they choose.

Naturally this would make Lucien Lleu and Azriel Gronw.

Rather than plot to kill Lucien, I think that Elain will decide that she wants to step away from the role that her mother gave her and be herself. Fight for the love that she wants, not the one that she was told she will have.

Although not absolutely necessary, I feel that to an extent, the romance will help push the plot forward. I see that after she steps out of that role, Elain, like Blodeuwedd, will decide for herself who she will love and be with. She will fight for Azriel and reject the bond with Lucien.

However, I do think that the fight for love needs to be on both sides. Elain's only relationship ended with her finding out that she loved harder and fell faster than Grayson and the only thing that she got from it was that stupid iron ring. That ring is a symbol of what pain love has caused her. We see it again in ACoSF when we.find that Elain tried to reach out to Nesta multiple times, but was pushed away each of them. She is tired of fighting for love and receiving none back. Love has caused her so much pain. Azriel will need to show Elain that he is willing to fight for her.

Going along with the myth, this rejection could be a cause for Lucien to request a blood duel. Not because he is in love with Elain, simply due to his fae instincts. In the end however, i do not think that it will be Azriel and Lucien fighting the duel but I do believe that it will have the same outcome as Gronw and Lleu's. With one dying (not that they really dueled).

Ultimately, I believe that like Blodeuwedd, Sarah will use the base of her story to show Elain's growth and show Elain finally stepping away from that role(which I've been saying she's been playing since I read chapter 40 of ACOMAF with one of my favourite Elain quotes).

I feel like reading into this myth gave me a better insight on Elain due to her similarities with Blodeuwess.

Fun niche things I noticed during my research

Blodeuwedd is apart of triad alongside Arianrhod and Cerridwen

Cerridwen's symbol in mythology is a cauldron and she is the Welsh grain and sow-Goddess, keeper of the cauldron of inspiration and Goddess of transformation.

Blodeuwedd is the white goddess of death and life

Nuala's name is derived from Irish mythology. It is a diminutive form of Fionnuala (fair shoilder) or it is an alternate name for Una who was the wife of Finvarra, the king of fairies.

Sorry for the long post, I just felt like this was something interesting that I wanted to share but haven't gotten around to making a TikTok on it so... Tumblr seemed easier. There are quite a few other crack theories and things that i want to expand on so I'll get to those one day. If you've made it this far, I hope you have a lovely rest of your day.

Bye 👋😍😍

[the-shiniest-plant]

OC Interview: Fionnuala

Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions!

(I was tagged by @uselessidiotsquad and @thoseofuswhoblossom! Hi, guys!)

Introduction

Can you introduce yourself?

- Hi! I’m Fionnuala, Nuala to friends, family, and anyone who finds my name difficult to pronounce. I’m a member of the Crystal Bloom, one of Aurene’s Champions, former Slayer of the Order of Whispers, former Warden, and Maker of Friends! Nice to meet you all!

What is your Gender Identity, Orientation, and Relationship Status?

- Cisgender Female, Panromantic Demisexual, and Single. Turns out not a lot of people want to date someone who’s dragon-branded… which I can understand.

When and where were you born?

- I was born in the Grove about…. Five minutes after midnight… sometime in the Season of the Phoenix, in… 1310! Yeah, that’s about right. I can’t remember what day, but the day doesn’t really matter to Sylvari more than the time of day, so… I guess it makes sense. Does that answer your question well enough? Yes? Good! What’s next?

What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

- I fight with two longswords - one in each hand - and though I’m heavily armored I can and prefer to jump in and out of the Dream like most Revenants do the Mists in order to get the drop on my foes. I do use hammers from time to time when I need to hit something far away that I can’t get to. Though, most of all, I like to use the magic of Aurene to lend support to my allies in battle - regeneration, strength, cunning… though I can’t do that too much or it wears me out. Still makes me happy knowing my allies may have survived because of these gifts.

Lastly, are you happy?

- Well, I’m as happy as my current life situation allows me to be. I know I could be happier, if I had different circumstances, but right now I feel like I’m… content at the very least - my brother is safe, my Mother is getting healthier by the day, and I’m always willing to answer Aurene’s call to service. I’m a bit lonely, in all honesty, when apart from my friends in Rurikton, but for now I’m okay with that - I figure when the right person for me comes along, I won’t be so lonely anymore.

Family and Friends

What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

- I have a pod-brother, Sitheach! He’s a wonderful person, and I love him dearly. We’re very close, and we write to one another all the time when he’s on missions for the Pale Reavers, just to keep each other posted on current situations. He’s been home for a bit now, which is a blessing. His boyfriend misses him terribly when he’s away so seeing them back together warms my sparkly little heart!

Have you ever run away from home?

- Nope! I’ve been called everywhere I’ve been, so technically I haven’t “run away” from anything.

Would you consider marriage or having children?

- Well, marriage is a foreign concept to Sylvari, as is childbirth, but I would absolutely love a partner, and would certainly adopt orphaned children of other races if my partner was also okay with raising them, as I highly doubt with my duties as a Champion of Aurene would allow me to effectively raise a child alone. I like to think I’d be a good mother, though.

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

- Pfffft, what kind of a question is that!? Why on Tyria would you call someone a friend if you secretly hated them? How silly!

Which friend knows everything about you?

- The only people on Tyria that know all about me are my brother, and my best friend Elspeth. That being said, I’m rather open to questions so if you see me in public and want to know more about a specific sliver of my life, just ask! I’ll do my best to answer.

Asked by Fans

Are you literate? Have you been to school?

- I can definitely read and write, as most if not all Sylvari can do that from emergence, and… does the Dream count as schooling? I know learning from Mentors does, but I feel like I learned more from the Dream than I ever did from my mentor - sorry, Maeryn, but it’s true!

What’s the eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

- I don’t think I’ve made any predictions like that, it’d be handy if I could, though… I wish I could’ve predicted the attack on the Grove during the World Summit… if we were prepared… maybe, just maybe Mother wouldn’t have been so grievously injured…

What is something that you were embarrassingly late in realizing?

- I partially understood how the other races weren’t born from pods, but what I didn’t know was the process of mammalian conception and live birth, until a kind Asura explained it to me during a stay in Divinity’s Reach. Hi, Quizz! Hope you’re well!

Do you have mental health or physical issues?

- Hoo boy, where to start… Anxiety and a bit of depression, mostly. Not being on the scene in time to help defend mother during the Shadow of Mordremoth’s attack… it really hit my self-esteem, so now, whenever I’m too late to save an innocent life, it… it haunts me for days…

What is your current main goal?

- My current goal is to protect the people of Tyria and help them in whatever way I can. It may or may not be a compulsion that I get from being Branded, but I’d likely do that anyway without the compulsion, so it works out.

Choices

Drinks or food?

- Drinks! Nothing like a good glass of Nectar after a long day of doing good things!

Cats or dogs?

- Dogs. Sylvan hounds. Specifically the puppies... I need to visit Danador’s Kennel again!

Early bird or night owl?

- Definitely a Night Owl! Which makes sense because of my Cycle. I thrive in the Evenings!

Optimist or Pessimist?

- My friends have never known me to be anything but optimistic in all my endeavors, and I certainly don’t plan to stop now!

Sassy or Sarcastic?

- Ooh, hard choice… they both have their merits… can I say “both”? Is that okay? I honestly can’t choose with this one!

Have you ever…

Been caught sneaking out?

- Of a Nightmare Camp? Yes. On several occasions, actually. I got a lot better at not being caught after I joined the Order of Whispers. Mostly because I didn’t have Ellie to help distract my foes so I could make an escape, if I was caught. Which I wasn’t! Not after Whispers.

Broken a bone?

- Never! Not even during Dragonstorm! Rather lucky on that front, my Priory friend lost her whole arm! Hi, Vledda!

Received flowers?

- No. Grown several myself, though.

Ghosted someone?

- Like, turned them into a ghost? Probably several people.

Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

- Oh, plenty, when I was a sapling. I understood humor more and more as I kept living.

And there you have it! I tag @moonlit-grove again because I want Sitheach Lore, dang it!

[politicalmamaduck]

The Last Shot

Today is the two year anniversary of when I started posting this fic! Happy Birthday, Bri/ @the-reylo-void!

A Smuggler Ben Solo/Dark Side Rey arranged marriage fic for @the-reylo-void. Many thanks to @rapturousaurora for betaing, @cosetteskywalker for the above moodboards, and @aionimica for her drawing of Rey in her wedding dress!

Read it on AO3 here, and listen to the playlist here!

Chapter Twenty Seven: Balance | Chapter Twenty Six: Light to Meet | Chapter Twenty Five: Darkness Rising | Chapter Twenty Four: The Betrayal | Chapter Twenty Three: Stay | Chapter Twenty Two: The Storm | Chapter Twenty One: The Fulcrum | Chapter Twenty: In Darkness | Chapter Nineteen: Rey’s Dream | Chapter Eighteen: Jakku | Chapter Seventeen: The First Flashback | Chapter Sixteen: The Rendezvous | Chapter Fifteen: Tatooine | Chapter Fourteen: The First Mission | Chapter Thirteen: Goodbye to Naboo | Chapter Twelve: The Wedding Night | Chapter Eleven: The Aftermath | Chapter Ten: The Wedding | Chapter Nine: Naboo | Chapter Eight: The Time in Between | Chapter Seven: The Negotiations | Chapter Six: The Duel | Chapter Five: The Discovery | Chapter Four: The Bargain | Chapter Three: The Bounty | Chapter Two: The Meeting | Chapter One: The Treaty

The world in which Ben Solo woke up was bright, but artificially bright, unlike Tatooine’s binary suns causing the sands to shimmer. The unwary could easily believe they saw things in the desert, things living or dead. Whether or not those things were really there, one could not say. 

It was also quiet, save for the hums and beeps of machinery. Was he on a ship? He was alive, that was the most important thing, and no one was shooting at him for the moment. His head ached, but not as badly as it had on Tatooine. His body was sluggish and his vision still slightly blurred. He blinked a few times and raised his hands to see that they were, in fact, not bound, and noted the healing bruises on his wrists. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes once more. 

“The patient has awakened,” he heard a med droid say. He tried to open his mouth to respond, but the med droid was too quick, and injected him with something. He could feel himself slipping back into unconsciousness as he heard a female voice responding to the droid. His mother? His wife?

This time, he dreamed. He dreamed of a battle, with Rey by his side and at his back, their ‘sabers clashing against weapons in a red-tinged darkness. He dreamed of his mother, finally retired on Naboo, having Gatalentan tea with Aunt Amilyn and the Naberries. He dreamed of his uncle, training a new generation of Jedi. He dreamed of his father and Uncle Lando, laughing in the Falcon with Chewbacca. 

He dreamed he was happy. 

He could almost believe it, even though he knew it to be a dream. He felt as though he could swim on the tide of happiness, float in the healing waters as they pushed him to shore and into his loved ones’ outstretched arms.

The sun and the waves were soft, caressing him like a mother or a lover, bearing him along to safety. 

The Light had always been there, calling him, just as the Dark, but he needed to find it within himself, to embrace it as his own choice, rather than what his family or the galaxy demanded of him. 

And so did Rey. 

Rey, he thought. He wondered where she was, if she could forgive him for not telling her the extent of his communications with the Resistance. 

Rey, his beautiful, stubborn, fierce wife, who so badly wanted a family of her own and vengeance for the one she had lost. She was equal parts light and dark as he was, and she too in time would come to realize the balance required by the Force and forge her own path.

He hoped she would allow him to be there with her, by her side, as she figured it out for herself. 

The water upon which he was floating was not water, he belatedly realized in the haze of his dreams and thoughts. 

Ben opened his eyes again to find himself submerged in a bacta tank. The tank’s monitor started beeping loudly, and the medical droid hurried over to address it. If the droid were a human being, Ben was certain it would have sighed, for its patient seemed determined to awaken from sedation early. 

Ben could feel himself being propelled upward as the tank’s top was removed, and prepared himself for the removal from submersion. 

The medical droid helped him out of the tank and guided him to a nearby bed, and only then did he notice the woman sitting in a chair to the left of the bed, glaring at him. 

Rey. 

Ben situated himself in the bed, and the droid promised to come by with food. 

They were alone together, and Ben found he did not know how to begin, but Rey saved him the trouble.

“You took a long time to recover.”

“I’m ten years older than you, remember?”

“That doesn’t make you old. You wasted your Force potential for too long.”

“Yes, I know,” he replied, looking down at his hands. “Where exactly are we, anyway?”

“Your mother’s Resistance base. They weren’t exactly happy about me being here, but I think the look on my face and your condition caused them to keep quiet for the time being, except for that golden protocol droid.”

Ben smiled at the thought of C-3PO’s incessant fretting. “Oh dear, oh dear,” he deadpanned to mimic the droid, looking at Rey, hoping she would at least smile. 

She laughed, which turned quickly to another intense frown. “You should have told me about all this.”

“I know,” he repeated. “I am truly sorry, Rey.”

“You should be.” Her lower lip quivered. “I’m sorry too, Ben. I betrayed you, too.”

Ben was certainly not about to quibble with her word choice, not when she offered an apology after presumably saving his life. 

“But you saved me. Thank you,” he said, gently reaching out to her in the Force. She didn’t respond, but she didn’t push him away, either. 

She shook her head. “The Resistance got there first. I wanted to try to heal you myself, but they wouldn’t hear of it.”

“You know how to Force heal?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. It was said that the healing arts employed by dark side users came at a great price. 

She shook her head. “I meant with the supplies the Knights and I have, until we could get you to our hideout. Fionnuala is the best at Force healing, but she wasn’t there with me; only Falisa and Keeva were.” 

“You have a hideout?” he asked, his eyebrows raised once again. She sighed. “Of course we do. Hux’s troops and the Knights don’t always get along, and we’re not entitled to command troops or ships.” 

He nodded. While he would admit to being curious, the idea of being ensconced with the powerful, malevolent Knights of Ren and who-knew-what-else dark side relics in a location of their choosing would probably make even Luke Skywalker nervous, even if he hadn’t faced down temptation numerous times. 

Ben could still feel the nervous, chaotic, pernicious energy that had permeated the atmosphere on Jakku. It was something he was not inclined to repeat. 

“Thank you, though. For your apology and for attempting to rescue me. And coming here,” he added. He wondered who among the Resistance dared antagonize Rey.  

She shook her head again. “No, Ben. I’m the one who sent the bounty hunters after you.”

In that instant, Ben Solo’s carefully constructed world--and vials of medicine sitting on the nearby table--shattered.

[fionnolonan]

I. THE SIMPLE THINGS FULL NAME: Fionn a Mór Ríoghain CURRENT ALIAS: Fionn Ó Lonán PAST ALIASES: Fionn Meadowes, and many, many more besides. HOW TO SAY IT: Fee-unn, like Ian with an F, emphasis on the back half. Sounds a lot like Finn, but not quite.  DATE OF BIRTH: Summer. That’s it. Summer, in the Otherlands, a long, long time ago.  AGE: 1002, in earthly years.  OCCUPATIONS: Artist, horse catcher, horse thief, pickpocket, bootlegger, drug dealer, highwayman, bank robber, general musician, and wedding, wake, and bar singer, in particular. LANGUAGES: Sidhe, Gaelige, English, a conversational and rusty smattering of others.

II. THE LOOKS FACE CLAIM: Cillian Murphy HEIGHT: 5′ 7′′ BUILD: Wiry  HAIR COLOR: Black REAL HAIR COLOR: Blonde EYE COLOR: Blue DOMINANT HAND: Left SCARS: Several. As a fae, he does heal better than a human might; but he’s a bar-fighting bastard, and he’s taken his share of licks. The most noticeable at present are a slash across his right eyebrow, a gash just under his chin, some scarring across his knuckles, the faint traces of a stabbing in his right forearm, and, of course, the gruesome gut wound that’s not quite a scar yet - that cuts down from just over the left side of his ribs, curving and zagging down to the lower right side of his belly.  TATTOOS: Many, mostly his own art - some are Aurora’s. Botanicals, animals, and constellations are major themes. PIERCINGS: Earlobes, intermittently. Not at present. 

III. THE RAMBLINGS BORN TO: The Otherlands PAST RESIDENCES: Many, most briefly, quite a few very poorly recalled due to immoderate consumption of various substances. He started in medieval Ireland, anyway... CURRENT RESIDENCE: Lethe, Washington CRIMINAL RECORD: Yes. Several. Under a few names.  SOUVENIRS: Having lost plenty along the way and left behind just about everything on his mad scramble out of Nevada, his last port of call, all Fionn currently has to remember his adventures and mishaps by are his many tattoos, a couple old keys on a fine chain, a string of carnelian beads, and a ceremonial silver dagger that he stole from a fae noble back in the Otherlands. Which is, coincidentally, why he and Faolan (mostly him, Faolan by association) got kicked out into the mortal world in the first place. It was going to be a gift.

IV. THE TIES MOTHER: Mór Ríoghain a Fionnuala FATHER: Who even knows, honestly? SIBLINGS: Faolan and Cora a Mór Ríoghain/Meadowes IN LAWS, OR CLOSE TO: Sabine Devereux, Arthur Talbot NIBLINGS: Gabriel Maddox, Katia Kjar, Riley Voss LOVED AND LOST: Aurora Wilson CHILDREN: Fiona Laughlin

V. THE WAYS MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral QUALITIES: Creative, perceptive, generous, charismatic, gregarious FLAWS:  Flighty, irresponsible, opportunistic, defensive, stubborn ASPIRATIONS: None. Literally none. Ever. Fionn doesn’t do “goals.”  FEARS: Sobriety and facing his family. He’s avoided both for a few reasons, for a long, long time.

VI. THE TASTES COLORS: Deep greens and blue skies.  INSTRUMENTS TO PLAY: The fiddle, guitar, harmonica, and pipes, in that order.  GENRES: Fantasy, poetry, and a good tragedy, now and then. SEASON: His own, summer.  DRINKS: Proper Irish whiskey, above all, followed by the Scotch stuff, then bourbon, kirsch, slivovitz, brandy, gin, vodka, tequila, beer, obviously... most alcohols. And tea.  FOOD: Blackberries off the bush, field mushrooms over the fire, or a fresh loaf of soda bread. With proper butter. Unless alcohol counts, as well? Guinness, at least? ANIMALS: Songbirds, horses, and hares. Dogs are iffy. Cats are to be shown full and proper respect and caution.  SETTINGS: Rolling green hills, high foggy heaths, a good jaggedy mountain, burbling creeks...

[ceridwenofwales]

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way? // 2: What scene did you first put down? // 3: What’s your favorite line of narration? // 4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? --> For Ebb Tide and the Sea Wolves

Thanks, Laure!

Fanfic asks

The Sea Wolves

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way? Answered here.

2: What scene did you first put down?

You sent me the prompt that inspired me to write the first chapter. Unfortunately, I can’t find it anymore. :(

I wrote Moyra hiding from the invaders and being found by Haakon. 

3. What’s your favorite line of narration? 

@pokeasleepingsmaug asked the same and I included more lines there.

He offers his hand to help her to get up and Moyra looks at him with disdain. Ivar is determined to make her look at him with desire one day.

It was easy to believe Moyra truly wanted him. Why else would she voluntarily undress for me? There wasn’t much left of Ivar’s discernment and shrewdness, so he chose to believe he had finally conquered her with a gesture of gentleness towards a slave and her child, and the intoxicating influence of the honeyed ale.

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Well, I’ll pick two.  

 "Njörun, I beg you to protect her while she is in your domains. Svartalfheim is a dangerous realm for those wandering without purpose. Give her shelter as we try to help her find her path back to us. Don’t allow her to be chased or haunted.“ Ivar lifts his hand to muffle the strangled sob that left his mouth and made Moyra stir.

“I think you should leave!” Ingrid touched his shoulder, looking at him with her mouth twisted. Ivar felt like they were judging him.

“It’s my right to be here, to assist her if she needs me. My children are coming to the world,” Ivar looked from Moyra to Ingrid.

“It was your right to fill your slave with your seed too. That’s why we are all here. But if you don’t leave, the birth might be more difficult for her and the children,” Ivar gulps with the realization that he might be happy being a father, but that for Moyra it is torture. He wanted them to be happy, his selfish mind wanted her to be pleased that his seed had taken roots and they would now have an unbreakable bond. Realizing he is the only one pleased with Moyra growing round with their children is his first defeat and Ivar suspects it to be a thousand times worse than a defeat in the battlefield.

“Don’t blame me! I only want to help her! YOU are the only one to blame for this situation! You should be ashamed of yourself, and somehow, I know you won’t ever be. You forced it on her and now, you see what you’ve done? She might die and it’s your burden. In all my years, I have seen men as you take and destroy innocent and young maidens as that one,” Ingrid gestures to the bed, where Moyra is grimacing as another contraction hits her, “I’m tired of this!” Ingrid hisses, lifting her chin to face Ivar.

Ingrid was getting far too insolent. Ivar couldn’t bear it anymore, couldn’t bear hearing her telling all those things. He couldn’t tolerate her telling him to leave. She needed to be silenced, but he didn’t want to scare Moyra. Lowering his face at only an inch from Ingrid’s, he violently grasped her upper arm with his hand. “You don’t tell me what to do anymore!” he snarled at her.

“I don’t pity, or fear men like you!” Ingrid replied. Glowering at him, she tried to free herself from his hold, but Ivar only closed his hand more firmly on her.

“Listen to me, Ingrid, and listen with attention,” his tone calmer. He could feel the corner of his mouth twitching and his eyes were narrowed and burning with hatred. “It’s better for everyone that she survives this. If she dies I swear by my place in Valhalla that I’ll kill you,” Ivar promised, nodding at the bed. Moyra stiffened at hearing his words, her eyes grew wide.

“I’ll burn that hut you call home to the ground until nothing is left to prove that damned place has ever existed at all. If I’m not satisfied afterward, which I’m sure I won’t be,” His nostrils were flared and a vein in his neck pulsed with tension, “I’ll track down everyone you’ve ever loved or cared about and cut them in half. I’ve nothing to lose, nothing I care for in this ugly world! Save her!”

As he growled his threats, Ivar finally saw fear in Ingrid’s eyes and for a brief moment, the view made him feel better. But it didn’t last. There was only so much pleasure to be taken from intimidating others and the notion of vengeance.

“Go back to her now, Ingrid! You have much to do,” he reminded her, his voice a low rasp.

Ebb Tide

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way? 

I’ve always loved the mythology of Selkies and I knew I would eventually write a story about them. Then you wrote Lurking in the abyss and made me ship Ivar with Morven and I loved the idea of Ivar marrying a supernatural being and founding a dynasty as the Melusine myth. 

2: What scene did you first put down?

That promo video inspired us to write Ivar interacting with those mythological women. ^^

In your story, Morven is the one to watch as Ivar is unaware. I chose to write Fionnuala being watched as she bathed instead. I think that was my way to show how different they are.

3. What’s your favorite line of narration?

She kisses him back with her mouth wide open as she is not afraid of swallowing poison. She tastes the tenderness and the brutality and Fionnuala wants them both.

And when the wave comes Fionnuala remembers not to fight against it. Her body awakens for the memories of swimming in the ocean and soon the primal cry of her baby is heard. She smiles through the tears feeling she won and the sea was with her all the time. Sweat and salty tears are not always a tragedy. 

It was impossible for Fionnuala to answer why she couldn’t dive into the ocean after recovering her skin. She was holding the sealskin in her hands, gazing longingly at the ocean but still unable to reclaim her identity. The calling was strong and she thought that would explain why the tears wouldn’t stop streaming down her cheeks. But there was another call. This one was making her nipples leak something precious. Something that meant life for another being Fionnuala loved fiercely.

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

“If it is not safe for me, how is it safe for you? How can you ask me to stay? You are hurting me! If you do not come back, I will be trapped here…” The tears are streaming down her eyes and Ivar starts wiping them away. He wants to stop making her cry, but it seems he is too good at making her suffer, “alone on earth. Is that what you want for me?”

“Why am I not surprised? You Selkies are always so…,” her eyes travel through my body, “romantic.”

“Let them come. I am starving.” She laughs, and I frown, but I find her excitement so contagious that I see myself smiling shyly at her.

I see her closing her eyes and pressing her lips together as she moans in delight, “I cannot forget the warmth of the blood painting my face as I make them scream. Such a sweet song they sing.”

“All he ever deserved was to be meat to feed my hunger.” Morven is grimacing as soon as I tell her what happened.

“Do you think I did this because of you? Out of jealousy, or to make you proud of me?” A sharpness rises in my throat, bursting out as a scoff, “I don’t want your love anymore. I finally realized you can’t understand or feel love. Erik could have killed me and your son while you were sweating between that woman’s legs.”

“You only understand terror and pain, so I want you to be terrified to the point you will never risk my son’s life again.” I speak with a coldness that not even I can recognize, “You can sleep with whoever you want, as long as you are discreet and cautious not to put my son in danger ever again.” I give a bitter laughter, then look straight into his eyes. Ivar is watching me speechless for the first time.

“Are you saying you will leave eventually?” Ivar laughs, and I tilt my head, “You have nowhere to go and you can get back to the sea. Have you forgotten I still have your sealskin?” I brush a finger over my lower lip, glancing at Ivar from over my shoulder with narrowed eyes.

“Do you think you can hide it that well?” I provoke him, and my plan works as I had planned. Later at night, when Ivar thinks I’m asleep, he pulls his body out of the bed to the ground, crawling outside. I only have to follow him discreetly. So predictable.

“Save his head for me!” Fionnuala shouted, looking up from Ragnald to Morven’s bloody face. The mermaid stopped eating, staring at Fionnuala in amazement.

“That’s new! I never thought you would want a taste,” Morven laughed, throwing her head back. Fionnuala watched the blood streaming down Morven’s chin and covering her breasts, “His blood is still so warm, Fionnuala. Come and feast with me.” Fionnuala trembled as Morven licked her lips and leaned down to take another bite.

I think it’s perfectly clear how much I love Morven! Thanks again for this ask. I’m inspired to write these two now. 💖💖

[ask-magala]

Return to Heaven’s Mount

Part 4

A few hours later, the family was heading towards The Sanctuary. Alistar took the lead, watching for any signs of danger. Maggie and Eamon were in the center while Fionnuala took the rear. Eamon kept pushing to move on ahead of his father. He was older now and therefore anxious to show that he was getting stronger.

Eventually they came upon a tricky path. A landslide of boulders was blocking their way.

“Come Eamon. Help me push these off.” Alistar called.

Eamon jumped at the chance and went to his father’s side.

“I can help too.” Maggie called.

She stepped in to help, but her father raised his wing arm.

“Leave it to us Mairead.” he said.

Nevertheless, Maggie went over to one of the larger boulders and started pushing. Her father narrowed his eyes as he saw her struggling. It took her longer than Eamon but eventually she shoved it off.

“See… I can do it too.” she panted.

“You should do it faster, like your brother.” said Alistar, passing her.

Fionnuala frowned. She did not like it when Alistar was being overly judgemental of Maggie.

“You did good.” said Eamon, trying to cheer her up.

Maggie gave him a small smile, but she knew her father. He had very high expectations. Fionnuala passed the two and went up to her husband.

“Alistar. Maggie was only trying to help.” she said.

“She needs to get stronger. Runts rarely live to The Shedding. You know that.” he responded.

“But you didn’t need to be so rude to her. She’s trying her best.”

“I’ll know it when I see it. Until then, I will keep pushing her.”

Fionnuala sighed. She hated arguing with her husband, but she did not think pushing Maggie was going to do her any good. Alistar, on the other hand, frowned at Fionnuala’s babying. To him, Maggie needed a push in the right direction.

“Hey but Maggie did a good job shoving that rock over. I think you’ve been getting stronger.” said Eamon encouragingly.

It was hard for him to not say anything while his parents said things about Maggie. Maggie on the other hand nervously swallowed around the lump forming in her throat.

“Stay out of this Eamon. This is between me and your mother.” said Alistar.

“He’s trying to back up his sister. Eamon, stay out of it.” said Fionnuala in a rather condescending tone.

Eamon growled. He was getting angrier.

“Can you please stop!” Maggie yelled.

Her face was turning red hot. It was embarrassing.

“They didn’t even ask me how I felt.” Maggie thought.

She walked past, ignoring them.

[masterkiszka]

English Coffee

Triggers: 18+ only!, some DA, name calling, etc.

Summary: Fionnuala has had a shit time, so when she gets screamed at by a customer it’s the last straw. She gets a job working with Greta Van Fleet on their tour as a costume design assistant. She has a rule for no relationships but what happens when she catches the eye of Josh? Will she go ahead and follow her heart, or will she refuse and lose everything she loves ?

Chapter 4.

Me and Jess were dancing along in the sidelines to the music. Hearing them in person was so different to listening to a recorded version, the music was dizzying with how good they were. None of them missing a beat, Josh’s voice was amazing, the way he sung was like he was an angel. His voice made me feel like I was on another level.

I was dancing along with Jess to Light My Love, Josh was prancing about the stage engaging with the crowd. I was admiring he beautiful he was under the stage lights when he walked over to me and passed me a rose, he winked and carried on back to the middle. I could feel my cheeks were bright red and my chest felt like it was caving in on itself. Jess was once again smirking at me and threw her hands up.

I was still standing in shock when I saw Sam and Jake smile at me from the stage, I ignored them and turned around. The temperature seemed to go up 10° backstage. What do I do? How am I meant to react to something like this?

My phone started ringing in my back pocket, I pulled it out and saw it was an unknown number again. I felt the blood drain from my cheeks, I told Jess I would be 2 minutes and made my way outside. It was now or never. Let’s find out who this dickhead is.

I took a deep breath, my hands shaking bringing the phone up to my ear. ‘Hello?’ I tried to sound tough, like I wasn’t going to collapse any second. ‘There she is.’ The voice drawled, Scottish accent thick on the other side. ‘Have you been ignoring me?’ Ezra asked. My heart was beating out my chest. ‘Yeah, I have been. Leave me alone Ezra, it’s been months there is nothing here with me for you anymore.’ It has started to rain, the cool drops soothing me. The guys would be done soon, I needed to get back inside.

‘Well that’s not true is it, I said we needed to talk so we will talk.’ He said, I could tell my comment had annoyed him. His voice coming out harsher than before. ‘What do we possibly need to talk to about?’ I snapped. I had started pacing now, trying to calm my voice so no one could hear. Jess will be wondering where I am. ‘Us. We need to talk about us. I miss you, darling. I want us back. I’m sorry for what happened.’ Here we go again, the apologies and the ‘Im sorry’s’. ‘Your apology means nothing, I’m not coming back. After everything that happened, please just leave me alone.’ My eyes were stinging, the start of tears building up. I had shed enough tears over this asshole, I shoved them back and took a deep breath. ‘You know you need me. You are nothing, no one will want you.’ He snapped, he was getting angry.

‘Ezra, we are done. Nothing you say hurts anymore.’ I was nearly shouting at this point, on edge that someone would hear. ‘We aren’t done my love. I’m not letting go yet, you know how sorry I am. You will come running back. You always do, you need me. You are nothing without me.’ His voice dripping with venom. He was taunting me, he wanted me to snap. ‘Please, just leave me alone.’ I begged, I could feel it all coming back. All the dependency, all the tears, the fear. How much I was convinced I loved him. ‘Never, darling. You’re mine.’ I hung up after that, letting the tears flow freely. The rain coming down heavier, I fell back against the wall and tried to calm my breathing.

How am I meant to go and face them now. I could feel my makeup down my face, my hair was a state. The concert had finished now, I could hear people leaving from the front. Taking one last deep breath I turned to open to the door, before I got a chance to it slammed open. Jess came out, ‘Flo! Oh god, what happened?’ She said rushing up to hug me, her accent coming out thick with worry. I let the tears flow now, my body racking with sobs while I clung onto her. ‘It was him. I answered and it was him.’ I said into her shoulder. I pulled away worried about the makeup on her, ‘Darling, why did you answer? I thought we agreed you wouldn’t.’ She said holding my face, ‘I needed to know. I needed to know if it was him.’ I said, I probably looked so pathetic with my makeup smeared down my face, wet hair stuck to the sides of my neck and crying over my abusive ex boyfriend who I answered the phone too.

‘Just leave me alone, I brought this on myself. I answered the phone, I knew what that would do. I’m pathetic, he’s right.’ I said shoving her hands off me. Immediately feeling terrible for treating her this way, she’s just trying to help and be my friend. I began to walk away, shoving the door open and beginning to walk back to our office to grab my stuff. ‘Flo! Wait!’ Jess said, running to catch up. ‘I’m just gonna get an uber back to the hotel and go to bed. Tell the guys some family stuff came up, and i’m sorry I can’t come. I’m sorry for putting this on you, I should have kept it to myself.’ I said, picking my bag up and walking out. Praying that I didn’t see the guys, especially Josh.

‘Flo, come on. Talk to me.’ Jess said following me. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t. I need to be alone. I’m so sorry for putting this on you, I’ll talk tomorrow.’ I said, walking out the back entrance and ordering an uber. I pulled up my front camera, and grabbed a tissue from my bag and started wiping off the state of my makeup from the rain.

My phone pinged from my back pocket and I pulled it out.

Josh: Hey, where did you go? I didn’t see you for last couple of songs.

Flo: Sorry, I have some family issues to deal with. I’m sure you guys smashed it!

Josh: Oh, okay. Well i’m here if you need me. Are you coming out later with us? I would love you to be there

Flo: I don’t think so Josh, sorry. See you tomorrow.

Josh: Oh, okay. See you tomorrow.

There were no pictures exchanged in this conversation, and that upset me a little bit.

I got into the uber, the driver kept the contact polite which I was thankful for. I’m sure he saw the state of me and didn’t want to get into anything.

My phone pinged with messages from Jess, begging me to please talk to her or let her come to my hotel room to talk. Josh stopped messaging me after that, which I was thankful for. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, and wanted to wallow in my own self pity.

We pulled up to the hotel and I immediately headed straight for my room. When I got in I had a shower to wash away all the rain and makeup from my face, got into my pajamas and turned on some shitty romance movie from the tv. Brilliant, just what I need. More love to watch.

I knew how awkward it was going to be tomorrow with Jess, I was gonna need to apologise for snapping at her. This is what happens every time I was with Ezra, I would push people away and end up alone and crying. He got into my head and made me answer the phone, just to shoot me down into nothing and then try and worm back in while I was low.

Nothing happened for the rest of the evening, I phoned my mum to talk about how work was going and how great America was. Me and my mum have always had a great relationship, after Ezra we reconnected and have been close ever since. I can’t tell her what is going on here, not about Josh or Ezra getting back in contact. It would upset her too much to know how much he upset me tonight and that he is trying to get back into my life. It’s better to keep it secret from her.

I woke up the next morning, and checked my phone. Nothing from Ezra, thank god. A couple of texts from Jess, and one from Josh.

Jess: Call me in the morning please.

Don’t rush into work, I have it covered. Come when you’re ready. Please talk to me when you can, I’m worried.

Bring your bags we gotta head to the airport after 😊

Josh: Coffee this morning ?

I called Jess to tell her I was coming in after lunch, and that I would speak to her properly then, when everything had settled. Josh asking me for coffee. I have to agree, I cancelled last night and didn’t stay for the concert like I promised I would. I needed to apologise.

Flo: Sure, how does 9 work?

Josh: Perfect for me! I’ll meet you in the lobby?

Flo: Perfect, see you then 😊

I checked the time now, it was 8. That gives me an hour to look presentable and think of a story that I could tell him about my family.

I got in the shower and then chose my outfit, black wide leg cropped jeans with a vintage orange and black cardigan with wide sleeves. I tucked it in a bit to give me some shape, chucked on my converse and made my way to the lift. I was walking down the hallway when I heard a voice call my name. I turned around to see Josh, I smiled ‘Hiya! I was just going to the lift.’ I said gesturing to the lift in front of me. He looked at me confused, ‘Lift?’ I nodded, ‘Yeah the lift. What’s wrong ?’ He started to giggle. ‘That’s an elevator.’ I looked at him and smirked. ‘No, it’s a lift.’

He laughed loudly and pressed the button, ‘That’s a British phrase i’m guessing.’ He said looking at me while we stepped in, ‘I’m guessing so. How was it last night? Sorry I couldn’t come, family stuff.’ I said looking at him. I took in his outfit, classic chinos and a plain top. His hair was curled and styled on his head, any makeup from last night washed off and a plain jacket. Classic necklaces hanging off his neck.

‘Yeah it was good! Jess told me about the family issues, sorry about that. Sam and Danny got very drunk and have yet to wake from their slumber.’ He said, he looked me over and smiled. ‘You’re very chipper, no hangover ?’ I said, we reached the bottom floor and stepped out. ‘A little, but coffee will help. No work this morning?’ He said holding the door open for me while I stepped out the lobby. ‘Not till after lunch. Jess told me to come in late said she has some stuff to sort. I think we are going to Houston later after we finalise some designs, then we have a couple of days off. She said we can drive it ?’

He started leading me toward the car park, he placed his hand on my low back and I tensed up not expecting his light touch. ‘That’s perfect, love! Neither do I. Let’s spend the morning together. Yeah, it’s 4 hours I think.’ He said smiling wildly. He unlocked a car and opened the door for me. ‘Wait, you have a car here?’ I said thanking him and sliding in, he closed the door for me and came around the other way. ‘Yeah, I usually rent one if I’m close to home.’ He turned the car on and pulled out the car park.

‘So where are we going ?’ I asked while he passed me his phone and told me to choose the music. This made me smile, ‘Oh so the big rockstar trusts the his British costume designer to choose the music, shouldn’t I be privileged Mr Boss.’ I teased while choosing some Ghost Hounds. He looked over at me and smirked, ‘Mr Boss? Don’t tease me darling.’ Suddenly the nickname sounded sour coming from his mouth, I’m sure he saw my face drop when the last word left his beautiful lips. ‘Something wrong Flo?’ He asked looking at me fully now while we waited at some lights.

‘No, nothing. Where are we going?’ I said, trying to fake happiness. I didn’t want to be reminded of Ezra this morning, but here we were. He’s right, I was never going to leave him. ‘Oh, well I was thinking a classic American diner. Give you the full experience.’ He said smiling, it didn’t reach his eyes. I knew he could tell something had changed, the mood has shifted in the car. I can’t tell him, he doesn’t need to know.

‘Sounds perfect! I’ve always wanted American diner pancakes and the way they refill the coffee. Amazing.’ I said, it’s true I had always wanted that. ‘In England the best you get is a shitty little cafe, where the coffee is made from instant granules and some skinny pancakes with lemon and sugar.’ He giggled at my comment, ‘I love your accent, it’s adorable the way you pronounce things.’ He said smiling, he pulled into a car park for a diner and I got excited. ‘Oh, park the car Josh let’s go!’ I said pulling on his arm while he reversed into a space.

I had never thought seeing someone drive was attractive before until now. The little things like looking over his shoulder and turning the wheel was so sexy to me. I quickly shook the thoughts away and got out the car when he turned it off.

‘Slow down Flo. I’m coming.’ Josh said, as I tugged him along. He laughed the whole way into the diner, he chose a little booth in the back. It looked exactly like all the American films I had watched, I loved it. He passed me a menu from opposite me and stared reading. A waitress in the classic apron came over and asked us if we wanted coffee, I agreed and she turned my cup over and poured me a cup. When I took a sip I immediately sighed, ‘See Josh, this is good coffee. Nothing like English coffee, but it’s better than the pure sugar one Jess got me.’

Josh took a sip of his coffee, ‘Yeah, America does love their version of coffee.’ He said, ‘I’m getting some waffles, what about you love?’ He said leaning back in his seat. He looked so relaxed, it was weird to see him like this. Relaxed, in his element. I wanted to see it more, like what he would look like first thing in the morning waking up in bed. ‘Um, pancakes I think. With blueberries.’ I said quickly, trying to get the idea out to my head. He smiled and nodded, ‘We are travelling up tomorrow to Houston, Sam wants to spend another night and go to that bar again. So we will see you guys tomorrow, we can all do something.’ Josh said, I nodded. ‘Yeah, that sounds amazing. I’d love to spend a day walking around, the vibe is so different to England. A lot less pubs.’ I said, as the waitress came to take our order.

‘Yeah, we definitely don’t have a normal English pub here.’ Josh said smiling. ‘Are you okay, Flo? You don’t seem like yourself this morning.’ There it was, the question I had been dreading. I knew Josh wasn’t just going to beat around the bush, he doesn’t seem like the type. He was staring at me, like he was trying to analyse what was going on. I looked back at him, his face had shifted to concern at my lack of answer. I nodded quickly, taking a sip of coffee to stall for a moment. ‘Yep, absolutely fine.’ I spoke. He leaned forward in his seat, clasping his hands and staring at me. ‘No, I don’t think you are darling.’ I froze up again at the nickname and looked away, the intensity becoming too much. ‘There you go again, what’s happening?’

‘Why do you care Josh?’ I snapped, immediately regretting what I did. He widened his eyes and looked down, ‘Wow, I was just wondering if you’re okay Flo. I’m your friend, I care.’ He said looking back up. ‘No, you’re not. You’re my boss, it’s not your concern if I am okay.’ I said, the waitress brought our food over them. Breaking up the staring contest, I thanked her and smiled.

Josh sighed and dropped his head, when he looked back up I caught his eye. He looked beautiful with his earrings dangling off his ears and necklaces hitting the table gently from swaying. ‘I might technically be your boss Flo, but I also want to be your friend. I know something is going on, and I care.’ He sighed, ‘I care about you, I want to get to know you more.’ He said picking up a fork. He wasn’t going to give up I could tell, I know this whole thing is wrong but the butterflies are back and trying to tell me different. The way he said he cared, it sounded different.

‘Whatever you say Josh.’ I sighed and ate my pancakes, they were tasty just like I always thought they were in the movies. ‘But first, I want to know your middle name. He said smirking, the previous conversation forgotten, thank god. ‘Absolutely not, you haven’t earned it.’ I said waving my fork at him. He was still smirking when his eyebrows raised. ‘Oh I have to earn it from the pretty girl?’ My mouth dropped open in shock, ‘No, no you know that’s not what I meant.’ I stuttered out. My face started heating up and I looked down at my plate, ‘Are you sure?’ He teased me, I looked up at him still bright red. ‘Very sure.’ He nodded and his face dropped. ‘Oh, okay. Anyway, how do I earn the privilege to learn you middle name love?’ He asked, I could tell the smile gracing his face was fake.

‘You’ll figure it out Mr Kiszka.’ I smiled, and finished off my coffee and pancakes. I offered to pay for the food, but he refused and left cash and tip down. ‘So what now ?’ I asked him as we strolled back to the car. His hand coming to rest on my back again, it felt natural this time but I still jumped a little when his hand met my skin. ‘Hmm, well we still have a few hours till you’re needed at work with Jess. How about the botanical gardens they have here? If you’re into that sort of thing.’ He said opening the door for me. I slid into the car and watched him walk around and hop into his side, ‘That sounds amazing!’ I said smiling while he smiled and put the directions into his phone.

We chatted as he drove his way to the gardens, he talked about how the band got started, how amazing it is to be touring the world with his brothers. I loved the way he called Danny his brother, it shows how close they were and how much he valued him. He asked me about my life back home, my parents and interests. It was nice to just talk to him, away from work and what designs he likes for his outfits. We arrived at the botanical gardens and I could smell the flowers from the car park.

‘So I got us tickets already.’ Josh said smiling as he got out the car, I stepped out too and grabbed my bag. ‘Oh no, how much was it ?’ I said pulling my purse out, I opened it when he walked over and grabbed my hand. I felt goosebumps rise on my skin where his skin met mine, I sucked in a breath and looked up. He was staring down at me, ‘Don’t worry love, I got it.’ He said pulling away. ‘No please! Let me get this one.’ I insisted and pulled out some cash, ‘Please Josh.’ He smirked down at me as we walked into the reception area to grab our tickets. ‘Absolutely not, this is your first time in the lovely USA so let me get this one.’ I sighed and walked after him while he grabbed the tickets.

While he was stood at the desk grabbing our maps, I slid the money into his back pocket. He didn’t seem to notice and passed me a map while we walked into the gardens. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes, it smelled amazing in here. I sighed and opened my eyes to look over at him. He was smiling slightly down at me, he placed a hand on my back and led me on. ‘Happy to be here Flo?’ He said pulling me in closer, his arm making its way up my back to over my shoulders, froze up a bit. I haven’t been this close to a guy since Ezra. The butterflies are back, I felt sick with how many were flying around my stomach. ‘Uh, yeah. Very.’ I mumbled, ‘Sorry, love. Is this not okay?’ He said pulling away for a second. ‘No! No it’s fine Josh. Just took me by surprise that’s all.’ I said leaning back into him.

We carried on walking around and chatted more. He was fun, he kept the conversation going. There was no awkward silences, he just kept asking questions. He wanted to know everything, from my favourite colour, to my favourite music and my family. ‘So, tell me Flo. Any boyfriend, girlfriend on the scene?’ He asked me as we walked past some water feature. His arm was still around me, holding me in close. The butterflies were still raging in my stomach as I sipped a latte we had picked up. I took out my phone to snap a picture and post it to my story. Nothing from any account I didn’t know had looked at my story last time, but I will check again after this one. I tagged my location so my mum and Orla can see what I’m doing.

I froze up a little bit and peeked at him, he was looking forwards sipping his cappuccino. How could one man look so sexy drinking a coffee?

‘Um, no.’ I said looking down, ‘How about you?’ I asked him. ‘Nope, haven’t been in a relationship for about a year now.’ He said smiling looking at me. He was always so happy, I want to be that happy all the time. ‘Cool.’ I said, immediately cringing. I had no idea what to say and that’s the first thing that came to mind? Great. He chuckled next to me, ‘Cool. We should get going, I’m sure you and Jess have a lot to do before we set off to Houston. We still on for plans tomorrow with the guys and Jess?’ He said guiding me back down another path filled with flowers.

‘Definitely! I want an American night out soon.’ I said, I took his coffee cup and chucked them in the bin as we passed one. When I walked back over he placed his arm on my shoulder again, it seemed natural to him. Maybe he was like this with all his friends? Yeah, don’t get your hopes up it’s just who he is. ‘I’m looking forward to it love.’

We made our way back to the car and headed back to the hotel. Me and Jess were working from her room today before the airport just to start some new designs and check in with how the tailor was doing. I hopped out the car as he pulled up but he grabbed my hand to stop me, I sat back in my seat and looked over at him. He was staring at me, concern swimming in his eyes and he still had a hold of my hand. ‘You can talk to me Flo. You know that, right?’ He said softly, as if to not scare me off. My breath got stuck in my throat, his gorgeous brown eyes never breaking eye contact. ‘Flo, you can talk to me darling.’ I let out a shaky breath, closed my eyes and looked away. That name, that horrible, shitty pet name. I hate what it does to me. I hate the way my body instantly reacts. I love the way it rolls off his tongue, how it makes it way out of his beautiful mouth. But whenever I hear it, all I can see if Ezra.

All I can picture in my mind is him, the way he would stare down at me. How his hand would be balled into a fist at his side, ‘Fionnuala, darling. You bring this on yourself.’ ‘Get up, darling.’ ‘Darling, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.’

His hand was still holding mine, ‘Flo, come on talk to me whats going on?’ He said, I heard the leather of his seat creak as he leant forwards. ‘I can’t, I can’t tell you.’ I said, I opened my eyes and looked at him. His forehead had lines from where he was concerned, I can’t tell him what’s going on. He doesn’t need to know, he’s my boss. If I tell him he might think i’m not up for the job, it’s better if I just keep this between me and Jess.

‘Flo, you can. You can talk to me. I want to help, I know something is going on.’ He said, his voice still soft, his hand was still holding mine. I pulled my hand away and sighed. ‘It’s none of your concern, Josh. You’re my boss, I am here to do a job. My personal issues don’t concern you.’ I said looking down, when I looked up his face was hard. ‘Yes, they do Flo. Something is going on, you freeze up nearly every time I talk to you. We have amazing talks, but something keeps making you pull back. Something is going on. If you don’t want to tell me fine, but I care okay? I care, Flo.’ He said.

I opened the door and got out, ‘Maybe that’s the issue, boss.’ and made my way inside tears pricking at my eyes. Maybe this job was a shit idea from the start.

[the-shiniest-plant]

CW: Depression, Self-Hate

One may look at Fionnuala and think “Wow, that girl’s just an endless source of optimism, isn’t she?”

They’d be wrong. Sure, she’s optimistic in public, yes, but she feels she has to be. It wouldn’t do well for Aurene’s image for one of her champions to be anything but happy as her public representative, right?

She has plenty of time to feel her negative emotions and deal with her traumas on her own, away from the public eye. The only ones who have ever seen her vulnerabilities in any way, shape, or form are those closest to her - Mother, Sitheach, Grumpen, Laranthir, Elspeth, and of course, Aurene herself.

There are days when her thoughts turn sour, storm clouds threatening to rain on what would otherwise be a wonderful day. “You’re not good enough.” They say. “You’ll fail to protect Aurene just like you failed to protect Mother when she needed you most.”

She tries to fight those thoughts off, defy them, tell them they’re wrong, but they’re persistent. They slip through her self-worth like water through cracks in a dam.

There are times when the dam breaks, when the thoughts become too much. Her beloveds come to her, Grumpen burying her in a big furry hug, Laranthir speaking soft reassurances and handing her a mug of warm, calming chamomile nectar. It’s difficult to stop the flood of tears, but they manage.

Laranthir insists on taking over as Commander for a few days during these times, on top of his Vigil duties. She feels she’s imposing on him when her emotions take hold, but he always smiles and reiterates his insistence, adding “As Commander, I order you to rest at home for a few days, let Grumpen and I take care of you.”

His “orders” are always tinged with playfulness, and Nuala knows she can always refuse, but his smile… she knows she can’t resist that. Grumpen and Larry know it too. Damn tacticians, the both of them, using her weaknesses to their advantage. But that’s what she likes about them - they know exactly how to get under her leafy skin and make her feel better.

“Yer worth it, Sparkly. Ye’ve got us righ’ ‘ere, an’ we ain’t goin nowhere til ye’re back t’yer sparkly, smilin’ self, y’hear me?” Grumpen rumbles, his grin full of crooked teeth that jut out every which way, care and concern behind his eyes as he buries her in his soft fur.

She can’t stay sad for long around those two… thank the Blessed Source for them both.

[suckitsurveys]

Type each letter of the alphabet into your Facebook search bar. Answer each question about the FIRST friend who comes up! No cheating!! If the same person comes up, just move down to the next one.

A: Who is it!?: Ann, my father’s cousin. Have you met this person's parents?: I’ve met her mother. Her father died before I was born. B: Who is it!?: The Bob’s Burgers page, haha. Have you ever been to the mall with this person?: -- C: Who is it!?: Corrina (my sister) Have you or would you ever kiss this person?: Not romantically, obviously. D: Who is it!?: Darlene Does this person play any musical instruments?: I don’t think so. E: Who is it!?: Ellen! Guess what this person is doing right now.: I think she’s in class? Or possibly at work? Or smashing the patriarchy? F: Who is it!?: Another page, this time for Fashion by Mayhem. Have you ever lent this person money?: -- G: Who is it!?: Gwen, my mother’s cousin. Do you have any photos with this person?: It’s possible. H: Who is it!?: Kennedy. Have you ever seen this person drunk?: I wanna say yes? I: Who is it!?: Randal. Have you or would you ever have sex with this person?: Nope. J: Who is it!?: My sister’s friend Julia Guess what this person is wearing right now.: Something ~*~Boho chic~*~ as she’s once called herself. K: Who is it!?: Kayla! Where does this person live? Is it far from you?: New Jersey and TOO FAR. L: Who is it!?: Lydia Have you ever been in a car with this person?: Yes, a bunch of times. M: Who is it!?: Mark. Does this person have any siblings? Yes, they are my in-laws now! N: Who is it!?: Nina. How did you meet this person?: She was my sister’s student. O: Who is it!?: Fionnuala. Name a song that reminds you of this person.: I don't have a song that reminds me of them. P: Who is it!?: My old coworker Phil. How long have you known this person?: 6 years. Q: Who is it!?: Jessica. Can this person drive? If so, what car do they have?: I have no idea. R: Who is it!?: Rebecca. State one thing you like about this person.: She’s very persistent and fighter. She lost her son to cancer when he was 3 year old and she has never stopped pushing for a cure. S: Who is it!?: Stephanie. State one thing you dislike about this person.: She’s a little over the top sometimes. T: Who is it!?: Tiffany. What kind of music is this person in to? If you don’t know, guess.: Probably shitty music. U: Who is it!?: Uriel (Alex) Have you ever been on a date with this person?: Nope. V: Who is it!?: Val. When was the last time you hugged this person, if ever?: Oh man, years ago. I can’t even remember the last time I saw her. W: Who is it!?: Wendy. Are you related to this person? What is your relationship?: We're not related. She’s Randal’s mom. X: Who is it!?: Xach Has this person ever seen you in your underwear?: Nope. Y Who is it!?: Yarie. Would you be upset if this person said bad things about you?: Nah. I don’t hang out with her so I don’t care. Z: Who is it!?: Zoe. What is this person's favourite colour? If you don’t know, guess.: Black or purple is my guess.

[votingforturkeysatchristmas]

#BBCTheView Leaders Interviews: Naomi Long

Naomi Long had a bad night with Mark Carruthers. I don’t think Alliance should be too downhearted though. Party leaders having a tough time during their interview on The View is quite simply the price of doing business. Carruthers is excellent at this and obviously prepares thoroughly. And it certainly wasn’t all bad. “You can hardly say all of a sudden about something that happened 18 years ago Mark” was a scoring punch that. In that exchange at least she came out on top.

Long may have been the victim last night, but she has the advantage of going first and having her interview furthest in the rear view mirror come election day. When it comes to being beaten up by Mark Carruthers, it isn’t just Sinn Féin who will be saying tiochfaidh ar lá. That day will also come for Foster, Eastwood and Aiken.

As I remarked on Twitter though, the format is savage. The interviews are bad enough, but to have to sit there as the commentators run the rule over your performance and a director just waiting to cut a shot of your reactions must be excruciating. Alex Kane and Fionnuala O Connor didn’t quite do the ‘good cop/bad cop’ routine. It was perhaps more ‘friendly uncle/scolding schoolmistress’.

I do feel Long made a strategic error though. The bar Alliance set for themselves to clear at the European election in May probably isn’t achievable. In that election tactical voting worked in their favour and they had Long, far and away their most popular figure, on every single ballot paper. In this election they will probably lose as much as they gain in the tactical voting swings and roundabouts, and even their better known candidates like Farry or Bradshaw have nothing like the profile Long enjoys.

With those factors being the case, success or failure comes down to East Belfast and North Down. If they take one of those seats December 13th will be a good day for Alliance. If they take more than 1 seat it will be the best day in their history. Belfast South will look after itself. If they find a way to take the seat there it’s incredibly likely the same swing will also send the other 2 their way.

With that being the case and with no nationalist opponents they need to take votes from the UUP. The tactic that can deliver those votes is asking very legitimate questions about just how committed to remaining in the EU the UUP actually are.

Some of the UUP candidates cut very plausible remain Unionists, Danny Kinahan for example, but the record of others can easily be exploited. Before the show went on air the UUP announced they have selected Tom Elliott in Fermanagh & South Tyrone.  Elliott was an MP in 2017 and voted to trigger Article 50, and quick google turned up this quote from Mr Elliott in a 2016 Fermanagh Herald article

“My heart basically says to get out while my head would say that I need to reconsider that but on balance, I’m just about in favour of voting to leave Europe”. 

In 2011 as the south faced a financial crisis, Enda Kenny asked Fianna Fáil voters to "lend us your vote” and enough did to make him Taoiseach. As the NI faces into the Brexit crisis Alliance need UUP remainers and Green Party voters in 2 constituencies to lend them their votes. The “Remainer Againer” credentials of the UUP are highly questionable. Naomi Long should have done a lot more to point that out.

[ceridwenofwales]

Tagging: @whenimaunicorn, @synnersaint, @skadithegoddess, @pokeasleepingsmaug, @underthenorthstar, @captainpoopweinersoldier, @wristic, @drunkenirishjew, @readsalot73, @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme, @goldentailedmermaids, @oqueequesentes-borboletas, @tiyetiye, @titty-teetee, @ivartheboneme, @ivartheheathen, @bitchccraft, @shesafreesoul, @luckyartisanllama, @themusingkitten, @curvybihufflepuff, @bluearchersstuff, @pagan-raider, @nothingbuthappydays, @lostinthoughtsandfeelings, @dangerousvikings, @inthenameofodin, @alex-ivar-minx, @lupy22

The wave of pain is hitting her again and Fionnuala thinks she is drowning as her ears can’t register the sounds around her.  She wonders what Morven would say if she was there, probably curse and shout at Ivar, telling him Fionnuala should give birth near the water. Fionnuala laughs at the thought, but her relaxed expressions are quickly replaced when her muscles start tightening once more.

Fionnuala is exhausted after walking for what looked like ages in hope the baby would come. Now she is lying with her head on Ivar’s lap. She looks at him finding comfort, even though his voice seems muffled. His hands are gentle brushing over the hair from her forehead and holding her hand when her face is grimacing. She smiles at him when the aching declines.

“It is almost time to hold our baby.” She whispers, and Ivar leans down to kiss her.

Astrid tells her to change her position and Fionnuala finds herself kneeling on the flour with Ivar watching her. Astrid is ready to catch the baby and instructs Fionnuala to push when the pain comes.

How will I do this? Fionnuala thinks the contraction of her muscles will make it impossible to push the baby out. Ivar cups her face whispering encouraging words.

And when the wave comes Fionnuala remembers not to fight against it. Her body awakens with the memories of swimming in the ocean and soon the primal cry of her baby is heard. She smiles through the tears feeling she won and the sea was with her all the time. Sweat and salty tears are not always a tragical thing.

When she offers the baby her breast for the first time, Fionnuala cries out of joy that she is made of water that will nurture him. Her worries about how the baby would look like fades for he is from land and ocean in equal measure, a delicate skin between each of his toes is the proof her line was not erased and forgotten.

[asmalldarkmannamedfurrisky]

Lir and the first capall uisce

A long, long time ago on Thisby there lived a boy called Lir.  Lir loved three things more than anything in the world.  He loved his three sisters, who were older than him and liked very much to tease him.  He loved his father, who took him everywhere with him.  Most importantly, though, he loved all of the dark places in the world.  He loved the moving shadows under trees, he loved the black yawning mouths open doors made on sunny days and he loved the sea, which is the darkest thing of all.

One day in October, Lir's father told them he would go fishing the next morning.  Lir said nothing, but smiled to himself at the idea of fresh fish for dinner.

“Good.  You can bring us something that is filled with more than bones,” Aisling said.  She was the oldest.

But that night Aisling had a dream. She dreamt that instead of pulling fat fish out of the dark sea, something dark and cold came out of the sea and ate her father and her brother.

As they left the house the next morning, Aisling grasped her father's arm at the threshold and said “Stay at home.  If you go to sea today, Father, the sea will eat you.”

But Lir's father went because he had said he would go and he did not like to change his mind.  And Lir went too because his father liked to take him everywhere with them.

That evening Niamh, who was the youngest, made dinner.  She chopped and she stirred and she cooked and she made a meal for four.  Aisling watched her cook and she said nothing.  The sun set.  The moon rose.  Niamh and Aisling and their sister Fionnuala sat down at the dinner table, but did not eat.  Lir came home, drenched and alone.  His sisters said nothing.  He sat with his back to the fire and didn't speak as Aisling helped him off with his clothes.  He watched his shadow dance in front of him as she dried his hair and he said nothing still as Fionnuala stitched closed the shreds that had been made of the skin on his shoulder.  Niamh handed him a bowl of stew and he when he had eaten it all, he spoke.

“Father thought the nets were knotted, because of how the water was moving, so he jumped in to untangle them.  I saw the blood rise through the darkness and I knew the sea had come to eat us.  I jumped in after Father, because I am a fool.  There was something in the sea.”

“Did you see it?” Aisling asked. She wanted to know if it was like her dream.

“I saw nothing.  It wasn't like a fish, or a seal.  It wasn't even like a shark.  It was like the black seaweed that clings to rocks.  It was in the heart of me.  It was like the terror that fills you before you drown.”

“Ah,” Aisling said quietly.  “It was like my dream.”

After that day Lir could not stop watching the sea.  He watched it all summer long.  He watched it from the cliffs where he saw out to sea for miles, he watched it from the shore where he saw the white foam churn, and he watched it from his little fishing boat where the sea surrounded him. He watched for the dark thing that had eaten his father.  The days grew shorter and shorter until Samhain came.  That day he collected the wood for the great bonfire which would keep the darkness away for another year.  At sunset they lit the fire and Lir and his sisters sat and stared at the flames.  On such a night in years past, they would gather together and the girls would tell stories of the things they saw in the flames, because the girls had the same gift, the same keen eyes that saw far, beyond what normal human eyes could see, beyond the horizons of land, and sea and time.  Lir had no such gift, but as his sisters were quiet, he looked silently into the flames himself and saw what he had never seen before in the instants of darkness between one spark and another, he saw the darkness that moved under the water, like an undercurrent, alive and hungry.  He felt the blood, hot in his veins.  He saw it come to the shore and take form and the white wave tips became a mane and the shadow became muscle and there, in his minds eye, Lir saw the capall uisce on the land.

“Ah,” Lir said.

Three pairs of eyes turned to him.  They were all shades of grey, like the grey sea.

“Tomorrow,” Aisling said.

“Not in the sea. I will bring it to the land.”

“Can it come?” Niamh asked.

“By my blood,” Lir said, “I will call it.”

What the sisters saw in the flames they did not say, but they drew closer to each other, and to their brother, and Aisling and Niamh cried silently but Fionnula, who was neither the youngest nor the oldest, but the one who saw furthest, smiled.

The four children woke next morning to a slow, grey dawn.  Lir looked out to sea.  He saw nothing, but when he closed his eyes and looked to the flames of the fire that still burned in his heart, he saw the thing that had killed his father.  As the first November sun stretched her delicate fingers out towards Lir, his sisters came to him.  

Aisling gave him an iron ring.

Fionnuala gave him a slow, sad song.

Niamh gave him a knife.

Lir felt the gifts strengthen him.  He was iron.  He was a note on the wind.  He was sharp.

At the seashore, Lir closed his eyes and brought forth once again his vision, and he called to it with his second gift, a slow and plaintive tune. Niamh's knife sat snug in his hand.

It came.  The sea was quiet, but then it rippled and then lurched and grew and it came and it was like a horse, but also like the darkness, and Lir knew that it was not the darkness of a November evening, but another darkness he couldn't name.  Lir looked up at the animal and he saw the long sharp teeth of his nightmares, the long, straggling mane of the beast that clung to its hide like the hair of a drowned man.  It was red, the red of old blood.  It moved forward.  The first capall uisce stepped out of the sea and stood on the shores of Thisby.  Lir looked into the heart of the capall uisce and the capall uisce looked into the heart of him.

Before he could stop himself, Lir slipped his free hand into the wet mane and jumped onto the capall uisce's back.  It bucked back, but he held on, his knife still drawn, waiting.  Wheeling, the capall tried to turn back to the sea, but Lir pressed his hand, and the iron ring, into the creature's neck and it shied away.  Down the beach they rode, and in that first gallop Lir finally knew what it felt to be free and he heard the strange music of the capall uisce, just as the animal had heard his own call.  He began to understand things he had never understood before about the sea.  He felt the knife in his hand, and Lir remembered the love he had for all the dark things in the world, and he thought of the fire that had burned the night before, and of how it only burned so bright in the darkness.

He took the knife in his hand and drew it down across the palm of his hand.  The capall uisce smelt it, changed pace.  Down by the rocks they galloped, following the shoreline but leaving the beach.   At every rock he passed, he brushed his hand against it.  The capall uisce slowed as they went on and on, all around Thisby, and Lir pressed his bloodied hand on every rock that jutted out to the sea.  He knew the blood would call them to the land and around the whole island they went and never stopped until they came back to the beach, and when they came back, Lir's head was filled with the dark song of the capall uisce and when the beast turned to the sea, Lir put his iron ring in his pocket where it would do no harm and this time as they went to the water, Lir kicked his heels in to spur the beast on.