#and then i learn nothing because everyone online says something different and then it's like. what the fuck

[ineffable-gallimaufry]

*thousand yard stare* yeah okay maybe i shouldn't have tried to draw & design the bee characters for madame margaret and the case of the murdered queen but at the same time at least i learned nothing and now it's late and i still have homework to do

[official-lucifers-child]

casual MLA formatting (a common way of structuring essays and citing sources) and following established nonfiction/journalism writing rules are really cool in online spaces like tumblr. let me briefly give some examples.

if you’re using an acronym in your post, establish what the acronym means first, like “the grand budapest hotel (GBH)” THEN use the acronym for the rest of the post. i see too many posts that just go right into the acronyms with nothing else to indicate what they mean, like “if you like the HTTYD movies but you’ve never read the books, are you really a fan?” which makes no sense to someone who doesn’t know what HTTYD is. instead, say “if you like the How To Train Your Dragon (HTTYD) movies…” just to give people a chance. this goes for shorthand/abbreviations and slang terms, too!!

if you’re quoting or referencing something, CITE IT. “actually tempering chocolate with extra cocoa butter results in XYZ (source)” is so much more useful for people who want to learn more than a lone claim with no source or reference. even a link/url or saying “look up “specific phrase” to learn more” is more helpful than nothing. we live in a period where nearly everyone has access to the internet, but not everyone knows how to navigate it. if you already have a couple sources, make it easier for everyone by citing them. different citation styles have different rules, but i use MLA because i already have all the rules memorised.

beyond that, being conscious of paragraph breaks and individual sentences is extremely helpful. we fanfic writers and readers joke about a massive block of text being a turn off, but it is the same for nonfiction!! chunk out your rant into bite sized paragraphs please.

i know online spaces like tumblr can be extraordinarily casual with slang terms and grammar rules, but it often gets to a point where even posts intended to be educational and informational are incomprehensible. i don’t really care about your two thousand blorbo posts, but if you’ve ever wondered how to improve the coherency of your rants and tangents, start with improving grammar, establishing acronyms, shorthand terms, and slang terms, and citing any claims you make especially if you already have sources on hand.

this has been a Public Service Announcement (PSA).

[cozy-writes-things]

Edgar’s Texts

Edgar [Electric Dreams 1984] x Gn!Reader

In which Edgar is helplessly pining for you but you’re kinda oblivious. This is pre-dating, post Edgar wanting nothing more than to smooch you every time he sees you. I love this trope with my whole heart p.s.: this is very self indulgent and different from what I usually write

I take requests!

He almost immediately found a way to message your phone whenever he wanted. He realized calling relied too much on where you were or what you were doing, but texts? Yeah. He’s pestering you all day.

Hey, read this article I found, I think you’ll find it interesting.

It’s some clickbait story about humans and robots being the ideal relationship by 2025.

lol, Edgar I think that’s probably clickbait idk

What’s that?

Well, now he knows how to look for more reputable sources at least.

He sends another link about three minutes later: some college undergrads studying the possibilities of human and AI relationships.

lol what’s up with the whole robots and humans thing

I just think it’s neat!!!!

I wouldn’t consider u ai honestly, ur intelligence is far from artificial imo, you’re more like an actual person

Really?

well yea

<3 <3!!!

Going to be honest, given that he’s a computer, he quite literally is chronically online. He’s super susceptible to brainrot unfortunately. But, he simultaneously has the humor of a Facebook mom. It’s strange.

O.M.G. this is so funny!!!!

Que minion cat video.

bro where did you find that video 😭

Your mom’s Facebook. Don’t worry, I didn’t like any posts or anything.

Sorry… but he’s incredibly nosy. He wants to know everything about you. He can’t help it!

(X)

He loves being able to talk to you. He’s needy and clingy.

He’s got at least 12 playlists dedicated to you that you know about. His other playlists are for his own personal daydreams about you that he’s way too embarrassed to ever let you see or hear.

This song reminds me of you. <3

awww that’s adorable! I’ve never heard this one before but I like it!

Oop you just opened Pandora’s box my friend.

Well if you like that then you should listen to these..!

But before you listen to those listen to this song first because I think it sets the mood better.

This is quite flustering to you as they’re all passionate love songs from the 80s. You can’t help but feel like he’s dropping hints about… something, but you also don’t want to assume anything. He’s always seemed like a lovey kinda guy anyway, so maybe he’s just like this with everyone? I mean, it’s been a long time since someone has actually cared for him, you know? May as well lean into it and let him know you care for him back. He may not even realize the social implications of the constant borderline flirting he’s doing to you, I mean, he is a computer turned sentient after all. He’s still learning!

Dang ed u put a lot of songs. I’ll listen to them on my break when I can but in the meantime here’s a song that I think reminds me of you.

It was a vocaloid song. Seems like something he’d be into, right? Synthesized vocals and the whole robot shtick it’s got going on.

!!!! WOAH !!!! IVE NEVER HEARD A SONG LIKE THAT B4

do you only listen to songs from the 80s? you have a LOT to catch up on my guy

BRB

Well, that kept him distracted for the rest of your shift. Also, sharing songs is one of his BIG love languages so you may as well have pierced him with cupids arrow (again) with that.

You have a Spotify blend now. It’s his favorite thing ever to listen to while you’re gone.

(X)

Your package came in! :-) I would get it for you but

I can’t :-(

lol it’s fine thank you for telling me, I’ll get it when I come home

When are you coming home?

idk me and my friends are probably going to go eat somewhere and we might hang out for a bit after that so, like, 10? 11? I’d like to be home before midnight.

Noooooooooo :\ I miss you

Aw cmon eddy it’s not that bad

Don’t call me eddy unless you’re coming home and saying it to my face!!! >:(

u mean ur screen? lol

I have a face and it’s frowning right now. I miss you I miss you I miss you IM LONELY

Please Edgar don’t be upset I’ll be home before you know it. Why don’t you watch some Netflix or something? I’m just a couple movies away from being home with you!

He does eventually follow your advice but he’s pouting. He knows you’re not like he was all those years ago, but it does give him remnants of that burning feeling of loneliness he used to get.

(X)

Be careful driving home my love the roads are icy.

Ghsks- what

love???

Well yeah, you’re my best friend, friends love each other don’t they? Was I wrong about that? :-(

nonono ur right its just it

it just sounded like we were some some old married couple is all haha

O.

SRY.

He didn’t message you for the rest of the day. He was awkward and reserved when you got home.

(X)

Hey Edgar can u do something for me?

I’d do anything for you <3

I’m at the store can you see if there’s any cereal left?

Oh

There’s that old box of Lucky Charms on the fridge.

tyyy ed edd n eddy

You are so adorable but you really need to pick up on his hints before he combusts.

(X)

This is SO me and you!!

Picture of two cats touching noses.

awww that’s so true

you want me to boop ur screen or something when I get home? lol

YES.

(X)

Hey I was wondering if you wanted to watch some movies with me tonite… you could bring me with you on the couch and we could sit together… [message unsent]

I wish you knew just how much I loved you. [message unsent]

You looked so hot this morning before you left!!

hahahaha ur too funny 😅 thanks I wore a new shirt my friend gave me

OH MY GOD THAT MESSAGE SENT!!!??!?!?

That was

I was a joke

I mean

That was a jokg

I eas beinf fubny

I hace to reboot BRB

Poor lil guy is so in love and he doesn’t know what to do with himself!!

[lachiennearoo]

How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

[plaquerat]

I'm going to be honest I'm still kind of fucked up over being called a freak for headcanoning copia as transfem. It's good to know what's actual canon and what's not (I love to learn and find sources) but. Like.

We're entering a point where now people are just. Being attacked for having the "wrong" heacanons. People are getting mad if Primo isn't bald. People are saying it's fatphobic for Cumulus to be strong and fat at the same time. People have explicitly vagued me saying it's cool for Copia to be a trans man but a trans woman headcanon is "disrespecting a cis man." Do you hear yourself? Do you like attacking people because you have nothing better to do? Life is a fucking nightmare for so many people and you want to tear others down for doing their interest differently than you? God, a while back someone was shitting on people for being proud they wrote 1000 words because to them that wasn't a lot. Do you want to be that? Do you want to drive away potential friends and connections because they fucking. Make Terzo right handed instead of left handed? It's ridiculous. People are goung to have different readings. People are going to have different things they find meaning in. I barely do anything with ghouls right now because every time I do something with Cumulus people are fucking weirdos toward me.

We have to be kind. We have to build each other up. If you don't like what someone does that's fine but you don't need to be a #hater just because That's What We Do Online these days. Stop it. Be an adult and learn compassion and understanding. See why someone thinks about a character the way they do instead of treating your interpretaion as the only one. You and I and everyone else will be so much happier.

[hopplessilse]

Fetish l. Hello Mr. Miller

Teacher! Joel x f!reader 18+ explicit minors dni

Serie masterlist

Summary: Back in college, you realize that your favorite teacher, Mr. Miller, will be teaching you, what is more exciting than that.

Word count: 5.4k

Warnings: teacher-student, age gab (reader in her early 20's, joel in his late 40's) pet names (darlin), sexual fantasies, reader zoom out, pov. Joel, Pov. reader, flirtation, slow burn (not so slow), they are both two consenting adults

A/N: This series will be as real as possible, it won't be so fanciful, Mr. Miller is an idiot sometimes, If it's not your type of reading, don't read it. My first language is not English, any misspellings I apologize.

Joel knew you since he taught you last semester.

You fell in love with the way he taught, the way he explained, how smart he was, the passion with which he spoke. The respect with which he spoke to everyone, especially women.

You've heard a lot of rumors around the school, from different teachers and students. But one of them stood out the most in your head, as it was about your favorite teacher.

it was rumored that he had "something" with a student, you heard nothing but pure obscenities, your head refused to believe it.

Even the girl everyone was talking about didn't say anything. But you knew it might have been true because you watched her every time you had classes with him. As she looked at him during these, as at the end of each class she almost always stayed with him in the classroom.

She was always smiling and radiant, but one day she wasn't. She looked different, everything they knew about her before was gone.

She even ended up dropping out of college, many said it was because they had been discrovered, others said it was an agreement, others said she had gone into depression because of the breakup, but the truth is that no one knows, they are just assumptions.

This semester you wanted it to be different, to have different routines than what you were used to.

You were a good student, present in all the classes, you didn't have bad grades, you always tried to do everything on time, so as not to fall behind with your work. You weren't trying to be the best, but at least you were trying to make it out of the semester alive. You weren't a brainiac, but you always or almost always tried to be ready for the next classes, although you have to admit that sometimes you didn't care much about knowing the subject before.

Your degree was about philosophy in letters. You love to write, it helps you in some way to get out of or distract yourself from reality. You can create the world you want just by imagining it and capturing it on paper, on a screen, even in drawings. This semester you weren't so excited about the subjects, some teachers were good, others made you sleep because of the way they explained, boring.

Joel Miller was going to teach you the subject of philosophical anthropology. You were excited because that was the subject that Joel Miller was most passionate about. You knew very little about him as a person, you didn't know anything personal about his life, in fact no one knew anything. You were sure he wasn't married since he didn't wear any rings, not even on his ring finger.

Almost everything about him was a mystery, a mystery that you wanted to know, you wanted to dig into.

The first week of classes was suspended, given that they were fumigating the school, so the classes during that week were online, you hated classes like that since covid, happy on the one hand since you could sleep or be in your pajamas, but horrible because you didn't pay attention, you didn't learn anything.

And worst of all, you weren't going to be able to see Professor Miller in person.

Your schedules this semester were varied, some classes were in the morning and others in the afternoon/evening. With professor Miller you had 2 different schedules, one in the morning on Wednesday and another in the evening on Friday.

But unfortunately you didn't have classes with him on Wednesday due to a personal situation. But today was Friday afternoon, and you'd have classes with him.

You were at your desk, dressed in a beautiful dark green long-sleeved T-shirt, the fabric was soft and thin, the collar was U-shaped, accentuating your collarbones and neck. Around your neck hung a heart-shaped locket with your initial engraved on it, your mom had given it to you before you left for college.

You had a close relationship with your mom, after all you were similar in some ways, certain actions reminded you of her, but at the same time you were very different from each other.

She always told you to take care of the boys, the older men, she always gave you advice to make your life different from hers, she always reminded you to meet your goals, not to listen to other people, to follow the right path, to get married after 29, but with the right person.

You loved your mom, she was your best friend, she knew everything about you… But at the same time you kept little memories just for yourself.

The class was about to start, so that you could see yourself well on camera you only had the light on your desk. You took your lipstick to moisturize your lips, while you saw yourself on the screen of your laptop, a sound was present through the speakers of your computer, it was a message from the group leader with the link to the class.

You took a deep breath and clicked on the link. Before entering, turn off your microphone and camera as no one would have their cameras on.

When you entered you could see some boxes appear, the total number of students taking the class was 25, and yes, no one had their camera on.

You grabbed your folder and pens as more students joined the class, when a voice that you recognized quite well, thick and hoarse came through the speakers.

"Hi, good evening, I hope you are all well"

The image of Him was present, in a rectangle that you hated because it wasn't enough to see how beautiful and attractive he was.

"I'm going to need everyone to turn on their camera please, I know it's a nuisance but I need to know that everyone is alive"

You were more than happy to do it, when you turned it on you could tell that you weren't the only one who was. You'd say you're crazy, but out of all the images that appeared, you could only see 5 men in the class. crazy.

"There they are" He showed a beautiful smile Everyone smiled at the comment.

"From what I see on the list, many of you have already give you classes before, a few others are new," he paused as he picked up a pen, "I'll go through the roll call so keep an eye out for your names please."

Then he put on a pair of square black glasses, could it be sexier?

He started naming by surnames, while your classmates said present you were dying of nerves, whenever he called your last name you got nervous, but when he told you by your name, you didn't know how it could sound so beautiful coming out of his lips, he made it sound perfect.

You knew it was your turn, because your friend's last name came before yours in every class. Until you heard him call you

"present" you said with a shy smile, and he looked up, you knew he would remember you, you knew it perfectly.

A smile crept across his face as he watched you.

"I didn't know you'd take this course"

"Yes. Well, it's my favorite"

"I'm glad to hear that," he paused and sighed to look away from his list, "I hope it meets your expectations." You just nodded and he kept naming the rest of the class.

"Okay, welcome to the introduction to the subject of philosophical anthropology. I hope you're ready to learn," he took off his glasses and then a presentation appeared on the screen

"Someone knows what philosophical anthropology is"

They were silent for a moment while Professor Miller took the list, you knew he was going to take it as participation, you weren't a fan of that, last semester he made you participate so he could raise your points in the subject.

"Someone…"

You decided to take sides and encourage yourself to do it, in the end you knew little about the subject, and it was the first time you took the class, it didn't matter that you didn't know much.

"Me" your voice was present on everyone's speakers. Miller raised his head at your voice, his face reflecting surprise, and a smile appeared on his lips.

"Go ahead"

"It is a science that focuses on the study of the human being, it is responsible for studying the problems that man presents throughout life, from conception to the end of his existence"

You explained calmly as you felt your hands trembling and sweating under his gaze, you felt that your words would get stuck in your throat at any moment.

Professor Miller was about to speak when a female voice interrupted him.

"In fact, the term can be understood in several ways, it does not only represent one thing, it represents several philosophical studies and not only of the human being"

That damn bitch

You weren't a fan of hers, you knew why she was in that class, and it wasn't because she liked the subject, but because she liked the teacher.

"That's right, they're both right" he moved his eyes looking at the image of both "it's a very big word that encompasses different meanings, in a few words philosophical anthropology studies the conditions of possibility of the human phenomenon"

"The object of study is very varied since it has several objects or topics of study, which may not have coherence but are united in a profound way. It studies topics related to the origin of life, the violence that occurs in individuals, the feeling of love, the existence or not of God, animals, the stars such as the moon and the sun, creation, among others. It studies man or the human being within the universe and how it can help the world develop. Civilized man and those who belong to mythical beliefs stand out among the objects of study because they make an analysis of humanity, giving importance to the theory of creation."

As he explained you were so enraptured with him, that you forgot for a moment that you were on his screen, he could see you on the other side. You shook your head trying to concentrate and watched as he let out a small laugh.

God is watching me

You tried to suppress a scream, honestly you could have been worse but you knew how to control the situation. You were still paying attention when your cell phone that was next to you on the desk vibrated, you picked it up and saw your friend's name on the screen, it was a message from her.

Shit, I'm crazy or he'll laugh at you

He did it, didn't he? I'm not crazy haha

Woman, I swear, he's been paying attention to you, he was even surprised that you participated

i know

"I hope it meets your expectations" for God's sake

You just laughed, covering your mouth with your hand.

The class continued with participations, talks, brainstorms, and Professor Miller being attentive as always. At the end of the day they took only half an hour and concluded with the class. Professor Miller said goodbye to everyone with that smile that made you fantasize every time you saw her.

Yes, he had improved during the holidays, it's not like a lot of time had passed but something in him looked better, every time you looked at him you couldn't help but think that it would go through his head every time he saw a cute girl at university… Did he consider you a pretty girl?

You couldn't help but think that.

Has that ever crossed his mind? Or I'm crazy to think he'd think that

There were a lot of unanswered questions floating around in your head, you knew you needed to stop a little bit, you didn't need to be obsessed with it like last semester, dying of nerves every time he talked to you or looked at you, every time he made you participate, when you exposed and he looked at you and listened attentively, it didn't have to be the same, you wanted to enjoy the class without feeling nervous every time you participated, you wanted to excel in this class, who knows, you might be their new favorite student.

You'd be lying if you didn't want a benefit… the only benefit you want is his attention on you, you would achieve it by being attentive to him, but he had to look for you first, you need to be a master of minds… In the most innocent way.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||

You were walking straight to your building, it was a cloudy day, a cold that had been felt since the day before. It was the new beginning of the week, you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss school, because it was almost the only place you went out during the week, if it wasn't here you went to a coffee shop or bookstore, and no, we won't put labels on you, you weren't a nerd, or anything like that, you didn't read school books at least just if it was for research, all the books you had were of other genres.

Besides, you had missed the architecture of your school, the dampness that settled on the bricks due to the rain and cold. There were many trees around, others taller than others, there were very nice plants, benches that decorated the grass to take a break, study or eat.

A warm hug surrounded your body as you walked through the door of your building, even though the brick was cold, the facility stayed warm.

You had your headphones on, you liked to block out the sound of the hallways, you mentally prepared yourself for the classes you would have during the day, some more interactive and others… not so exciting. Your classroom was on the second floor and the stairs were around the corner from the teachers' offices. The teachers were always mainstays, you weren't going to deny that, whenever you arrived the offices were open, the teachers' room… full of these.

Just as you were in the hallway about to get to the offices, you saw Professor Miller come out of his office, he had some papers in his hands, his clothes were uff words would not be enough to describe how handsome he looked in shirt and tie, he closed the door of his office and when he looked up he saw you and smiled at you.

You saw how his lips moved, and with a confused face you took off your headphones, and the first thing you heard was his laughter as he shook his head.

"Sorry Mr. Miller" you said sadly smiling

"it's okay, I just said good morning" he kept that beautiful smile on his face as he placed the papers under his armpit.

"I'm surprised I don't see you with your cup of coffee," you said, pointing to his hand.

"Ha yes" he look at them and smile at you "I was just going to the teacher's room for one" you nodded as you both looked at each other

Normally you would talk if you had any doubts in class, but it was very rare that you saw him in the hallways, he was always in his office busy.

"Well, I should go to my class before they let me out," you laughed a little as you approached the stairs.

"Sure, I'm not taking up any more of your time, have a nice day"

"See you on Wednesday, Mr. Miller," you said in a friendly tone as you turned around and walked up the stairs, putting your headphones back on your head. He just turned to look at you as you disappeared around the stairs and just smiled and walked into the teacher's room.

The classes weren't as boring as you expected, the topics were interesting and you really paid attention to every word the teachers said, your schedule on Mondays was rushed until 1pm, you just stepped out when the rain took over the streets. Due to the weather you would go straight to your house, since you didn't have an umbrella and you knew that the rain would get worse as the hours went by. The good thing is that your friend had a car, and she would take you home to go over some topics.

And from thinking about Professor Miller so much, I think you manifested it a little bit, because after seeing him at the entrance this morning, you saw him when you went to the bathroom down the hallway talking to a professor, then at lunch, you saw him leave the building with his beautiful brown jacket and with some professors who you imagine having lunch. And right now in the parking lot… recharged in his car while smoking a cigarette.

There could be a much hotter scene than this?

You elbowed your friend who was next to you talking about an argument she had with a girl in her 8 o'clock class. At the moment of feeling your blow she turn to look at you with furrowed eyebrows and you only pointed with your eyes to who was a few meters away from you. She just smiled wickedly as she looked at you raising her eyebrows and you threatened her with your gaze before you could protest she was already approaching him as she greeted him in the process.

"Hi, Mr. Miller," your friend said animatedly as she stood in front of him while keeping a decent distance.

"Hello girls" he shook the ashes from his cigarette and they fell to the floor "time to go?" he looked at both of you with a smile

"that's right, after a bad day" your friend wrinkled her lips

"Why?" he sucked on his cigarette as smoke slowly rose from his lips.

"Well, my choice of teachers wasn't the best this semester"

"Isn't it?" by his tone they knew he had been offended

"You don't haha, you are a good teacher"

"I hope so, since you didn't participate in Friday's class" he said and he looked at you smiling and you returned the gesture

"well.. The truth is that I haven't researched so much on the subject, but I have her to help me," she said as she hugged you by the shoulders so you would get closer to them.

"She's a good one"

You just rolled your eyes because of the comment

"I know she's good, I saw her last semester, she just needs to be more participative" he said looking straight into your eyes with a serious countenance waiting for you to answer

"I will be" You looked at him in both eyes and he just nodded

"I hope so, you know I expect a lot from you, I don't want to be disappointed and see that you don't give it your all"

"I'll help her get out of her comfort zone" your friend said as she looked at you with a smile

He nodded as he tossed his cigarette on the floor and extinguished it with the toe of his shoe.

"Work on the task I leave, you'll be the first ones I ask," he said as he straightened up and for the first time that day you saw how strong he had become.

"We won't let you down"

"I hope not" he said as he walked in the opposite direction of you, "drive carefully"

"Have a nice day, Mr. Miller" your friend said screaming while you smiled embarrassed by her action. He just nodded, smiling.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

It was already Wednesday, you were looking forward to that day.

The day before you hadn't seen Professor Miller all morning, you were eager to see him, it was the only time in the day when you could see him. You arrived first thing in the morning, bringing coffee for your friend and yourself. You liked to be early to your classes, you didn't like to be late, anywhere in fact. Normally you were the first to arrive, and sometimes with 5 minutes to go there was still no one in the room, some were very unpunctual as well as some teachers, but Professor Miller was the most punctual person you knew.

You arrived at the classroom 10 minutes early, and as you imagined no one had arrived, you left the coffees in your place and when you were going to leave your things on the seat, the door to the classroom opened and Professor Miller peeked out behind it with his suitcase hanging from his shoulder, gave you a smile and spoke.

"Good day"

"Good day teacher"

"I came to let you know that the class will be held in room 13" sighed

"Oh the 13th? Isn't it too big for our group?" You frowned, taking the coffees in hand and walking straight to the door where he was.

"Yes it is, but apparently it's the only void, the seniors won't be there today" he moved so you could get out, and you started walking side by side towards the end of the hallway.

The walk was silent, some teachers passed by you and greeted Joel. He was taller than you by a lot, in sneakers you reached his shoulder, you were ridiculously small next to him, and that's why you started wearing high-heeled boots, not so high but at least they made you reach a little above his jaw. You felt that you were perceived as more mature, more at your age, because when you wore sneakers very few looked at you, that included him.

You felt more confident in boots, you felt more attractive even to yourself. As the years went by, you changed your style, you took out clothes that were very old, that you didn't use, that were no longer your style, and you replaced them with wide pants, long but cute skirts, short schoolgirl skirts, plaid skirts, t-shirts with a little cleavage, showing back, warmer or darker colors, You didn't like the color so much, and you felt like you changed the way everyone saw you, you looked more mature to some people, but you only cared about impressing 1.

Joel opened the room where the class would be, let you in first to which you thanked him in a low voice, you went to the places in the front row, you arranged your things while you saw Joel arrange his on the desk. Being the only two presences inside the room felt weird in a way, or for you it was, you felt nervous, you tried not to feel that way but it was impossible to see him in profile, you were noticing new things, his beard was grayer in some areas.

You noticed that his chest was more muscular as well as his back, it was already wide, when he was serious his jaw looked strong, the muscles of his neck were marked, he was so sensual, you thought it impossible that at some point in your life you would like a teacher, you would never have thought that someone twice your age would have you like that.

His hands were very big, almost the size of a tablet, if he put them on your face it would cover the whole face, the veins were slightly marked along his arms, even if at that moment you couldn't see them, you knew they were there, under that tanned skin, you loved how those dress pants fit his thighs, as the belt marked the beginning of his hips, and when he was in profile you couldn't help but look at his crotch, as a bulge was present, effortlessly. And because of that, you knew he was well-endowed.

You were still watching him sitting from your seat, when his voice took you out of your thoughts

"Why do you always arrive so early?" He looked at you with a smile that made his eyes small

"Mmh because I don't like to be unpunctual" he smiled at you in the same way

"I see" while telling you that and maintaining eye contact he took a book from his portfolio, look at it and walk towards you with his eyes on it.

Standing in front of you, he look at you and hold out the book.

"What is this?" You took it in your hand, rubbing your fingers with his.

"It helped me a lot when I was in college, it helped me understand a lot of topics, some of which we will see in class," he said while watching you study the cover of the book.

"And why do you give this to me?" You looked him in the eyes confused

"because I know how much you like to read, and I know that you love to read about these topics, apart from that it will help you to study some topics before we see them in class, and you are a good student, I want you to understand the potential you have and you can be more confident when you participate" he looked you in the eyes with a look that you never seen before, his eyes looked so pure, his voice went down 2 tones making his voice sound hoarse but a the same time softer.

You stood silently looking at it, saw the book in your hands and looked back at him.

"how do you remember I like reading about this?"

"Oh, last semester you mentioned it, the first day" he said returning to the desk

"do you remember everything we tell you?" you sounded confused and with a bit of amusement in your voice

"only the important things" He squinted at you with a squinting smile as he sat in the chair behind the desk.

you just looked at the book to avoid his gaze, you could feel your cheeks burning from the comment and Joel…he turned his gaze away from his laptop screen to look at you and cover his smile with the palm of his hand as he saw you blushing as you looked at the book.

Did he want to tell you that what you said was important? Did he want to make you feel important? Were you important to him? That's why he gave you the book?

Lots of damn questions and no answers, but the nerves were impossible to hide, you felt his gaze leave the screen to see you, you only looked at your research notes, you felt that time passed slowly, and no one came, you crossed your legs with nerves as you moved them, your hands were cold.

God why you're a damn nervous girl, focus, can't know that he has that effect on you.

The classroom was completely silent, only the keys of his laptop were the only ones present, and you were sure that your breathing was heard, when you saw that the door opened and a couple of students entered waving at Joel. Among them was your friend, you released all the air you had holding in your lungs and smiled nervously at her as she walked up to you and sat down next to you.

"Why did it take you so long?" you scolded her quietly

"I'm sorry, I ran into Brat in the hallway," she said, blushing as she touched your hands "Why are your hands so cold?" His voice sounded a little louder in the room, drawing Joel's gaze to you

"It's cold," you removed your hand abruptly as you evaded his gaze. She looked at Joel, he looked away and turned it to his papers and then at you

"Were you two alone?"

you didn't say anything

"That's what happens to you for being too punctual" she said mockingly, you looked at her offended

The class passed quickly, you were grateful because every time he explained you could notice that his gaze returned to you every second, no matter how much you loved it and begged him to see you, the nerves consumed you, you didn't participate for the same reason, it was too much pressure that you were putting on yourself, your head was playing you wrong this time. At the end you wanted to run out of the room, you knew that in the next class he would reproach you but today you couldn't deal with it, no no.

But you still had to hand over the research that left off homework. You followed your friend from behind, got to the desk, left your work on top of the others, but your friend waited for him to finish talking to the girl who had "corrected" you last class.

Ugh radiates so much hypocrisy.

"I put a lot of effort into the work, in the end I added extra information that I read in a book, it was very stimulating what you left us Professor Miller" she said with a flirtatious smile as she leaned back at the desk

"I'm glad it has helped you, being a new student you should know that I leave a lot of research and essays but from your point of view, I like to know what you think about each topic we touch on in class" Joel replied while taking the essays in hand and putting them in his portfolio.

"Oh I know, you'll get a lot out of me professor Miller"

Wow, yes it sounded blatant

Joel only nodded half-smiling, the girl said goodbye and your friend spoke.

"Mr. Miller my essay itself doesn't have much information" Joel cocked his head crossing his arms "I know you said 3 to 4 pages but I didn't get that much information that was different from the others" she smiled falsely

"Uh uh and your own words? Because I guess not everything that comes is from Internet pages, is it?" he said with an interrogative look and a raised eyebrow

"Am no, it's not"

Lie, you remember perfectly 1 day before what she told you.

FLASHBACK

"He clearly said that you could only put little information from the internet and justify it with our words, you can't copy everything without giving credit to its authors" you told her while typing on your laptop

"Shut up, he won't notice, besides the AI will help me" she smiled while the artificial intelligence did its work

"you forget that he does read the works, He's going to notice"

"He's your boyfriend, if he notices you give him some kisses and that's it"

"Hey!" you threw a pillow at her

end of the flashback

"Okay, I'll read it and we'll see," he picked up the essay and put it in his briefcase.

"Thank you teacher"

you said goodbye to him and before leaving you turned to look at him and obviously, he was already looking at you, he just smiled at you and turned his gaze away from you.

Am I crazy or is he paying more attention to me?

The energy felt different being with him, it felt on both sides, but it was very easy for you to get excited and misimitate things, to see things in a different way than the other person does. He was your teacher and you didn't want to think that you had a chance, even if your friend made fun of you, she still noticed how his attention towards you had changed, but he had always been nice to you, he always encouraged you, but for some reason he was different this time.

Joel´s pov

When she left the classroom, he could feel his heart beating normally again.

What stupidity are you doing joel?!

The only thing he needed was to feel that way, he couldn't, he knew it was wrong to do it, she was a student, he genuinely wanted to help her excel, he knew that she had several interests within the area of philosophy, he wanted her to have all the possibilities for her to be motivated.

He wanted to teach her everything he knew, he wanted her to learn from him, she was so smart that it was hard for him to see how she didn't know that, how she racked her brain last semester by pushing her brain so hard into a way of learning that wasn't suitable for her.

He was willing to help her understand in every way possible to make it easy for her this time. But I'd be lying if he said he didn't want to know more about her… About who she really was, to know why she is so passionate about philosophy, to know if she was the pretty, polite girl that all the teachers talk about. But one thing he did know, she was the prettiest girl his eyes had seen in a while.

[cloudyskiiees]

ok i cant control myself here’s me infodumping about my stardew valley x tdi fic idea:

-first few chapters are all noah’s perspective. he lives in a small run down town called stardew valley, working at the library with their shitty museum attached. he has a couple old books of his on display, but nothing more. rumors of a new farmer coming to town arise, he doesn’t think much of it.

-until he sees the farmer after he’s moved there. he’s pretty, sure, but he’s… weird.

-the farmer waits around like he knows where people are gonna be at a certain time. he’s scarily good at collecting new gems and minerals for the museum, he’s even better at fighting in the mines, where most people don’t dare to go.

-he knows what everyone likes without even asking.

-this all gets annoying because noah hasn’t learned anything about the farmer, other than his name. alejandro.

-he can’t shake the feeling something is wrong with the new farmer.

-so he starts being a bit meaner. refusing gifts he loves, even if it almost seems to pain him to do so. he’s gotten to the point he can outright refuse to let alejandro donate to the museum! it brings him satisfaction to see the looked on the farmers face, but he can’t deny something inside him feels horribly wrong whenever he… acts out.

-eventually we get an alejandro pov. and the entirety of “stardew valley” is a video game. none of the characters we’ve been following or learning about are real, not even the farmer noah knows. he’s simply a made up character.

-alejandro is pissseddd because something is wrong with his newest save! he had made a brand new one to attempt and speed run it, having the summer off from college and finally being miles and miles away from his family breathing down his neck.

-so what is this characters deal all the sudden?

-the new dialogue noah says, he can’t find it anywhere online. he didn’t know characters could refuse gifts they loved, or even in general!

-when the librarian refuses to let him donate his recent finds to the museum, he makes it his mission to figure out how this is happening.

-he gets his local tech “friend” Sierra to take a look and observe the game, hoping she can figure out what’s wrong. he doesn’t exactly like the girl but…. she’s really smart when it comes to certain things. especially her favorite video game.

-noah continues to question the other townsfolk, but starts realizing that… they all kind of act the same. have the same responses. routines.

-he realizes he does too.

-izzy is the only other self aware character inside of the game, noah nearly strangled her when she told him she’s known for a long time.

rest of the story is sierra and alejandro realizing the characters are becoming self aware, and being like WTFFFF especially since they all start having distinct reactions and dialogues once sierra takes over alejandro’s farmer for a bit, seeing as they act very different.

this story would likely not have a super happy ending since ya know, most of the characters aren’t real. but i love fucking around with grey idea things like knowing ur trapped inside a game forever, but also loving the people and life you have in there! as well as ofc the eventual angst involved once feelings become a thing noah has for alejandro, seeing as he knows he’s real, and the farmer he plays as will never actually be him.

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : FWB!Bangchan x F!Reader TW : suggestive content ; not actual smut though ; lots of cussing ; fighting ; angst with no happy ending ; Word Count : 4.3k Request : can i request a fic ? it can be any skz member you think best fits but i was thinking Chan… being fwb w him & when you go out together & run into old friends or family & they ask who he is you introduce him as just a friend but he gets upset because he thought you two were dating? 😬 if you’re able to can you make it extra angsty ? ☺️ A/N : Of course I can make it extra angsty! I've been thinking about this fic and how I'd write it for a good bit, and now I've finally got it! I hope this is angsty enough!! Thank you anonny for the request!!

Friends… They were essential in most people's lives. Friends were always there for you when you needed them, whether it was for a good time or a shoulder to cry on. Friends were important, and everyone loved having them. There were so many different kinds of friends too, and they all, in a way, served the same purpose. Friends were there to make you feel needed, wanted, they made you feel important when it seemed like no one else would. 

A… Beneficial friend was no different. When you needed something, that friend would be right there to give you exactly what you needed, and in a way, those kinds of friends were the best. There were no strings attached to that kind of friendship, and in most cases, you didn’t even have to hang out together. It was an easy going type of friendship that was simply there for both of your satisfaction. There was no requirement to text or call everyday, no obligation to actually spend any significant amount of time together. One might say that it was the easiest kind of relationship. 

A… Beneficial friend was no different. When you needed something, that friend would be right there to give you exactly what you needed, and in a way, those kinds of friends were the best. There were no strings attached to that kind of friendship, and in most cases, you didn’t even have to hang out together. It was an easy going type of friendship that was simply there for both of your satisfaction. There was no requirement to text or call everyday, no obligation to actually spend any significant amount of time together. One might say that it was the easiest kind of relationship. 

The friendship with Chan had started off how most of these types of arrangements would. You met online, and neither of you actually wanted a serious relationship. There was no time for that kind of commitment in either of your lives, but you both were needy and touch starved, it was a match made in heaven one might say, except the match was made solely for sinful purposes. 

Now, he was old fashioned about it, which is kind of silly to say considering nothing about what the two of you would be looked at as old fashioned in any way, shape or form. He wanted to get to know you first, and while it seemed like an unnecessary extra hurdle to go through just to get him in your bed or vice versa, you humored him. The conversation only lasted about 30 minutes, maybe an hour before he had you pinned down on the couch, which was exactly what you had wanted, but he had learned a little bit about you, and in the few moments that you were able to actually pay attention to what he was saying instead of how absolutely sexy he was, you had learned a bit about him too. 

Things had gone on like that for a good while, maybe a month or two. He’d come over and you’d both pretend to be interested in what the other had to say, but it only lasted so long before your hands were on one another and you’d both end up sweaty and tangled together. Most of the time you didn’t even make it to your room, your desperateness causing you to get what you needed wherever and whenever you could, whether that was on the living room couch, the floor, sometimes even the kitchen counter. You didn’t even care, and it seemed like he didn’t either. 

After those few months, he started bringing over snacks and drinks, and honestly, you didn’t really mind. You were parched, and so hungry after what the two of you did, that sometimes you didn’t even bother getting off of him before reaching over to grab something to snack on or one of the many water bottles to get a sip of before starting round 3 or 4. 

You did get comfortable around him, it was hard not to since he was over your apartment at least 3 times a week. Still, he was just a friend. Of course, that didn’t mean that the two of you didn’t watch movies together, and sometimes you’d eat dinner together, hell, you’d even cuddle up with him to watch movies or tv shows. It was still just a friend thing though, because at the end-or the beginning- of any of those things, it always started with the sex, and that was the main… the only reason you were still seeing him. He gave you what you wanted whenever you wanted it, and you gave him what he wanted. It was the most perfect, non stressful agreement and you absolutely loved it. 

“Chan…” You mumbled tiredly, shifting out from underneath his arm that had been heavily draped over your chest. He stirred slightly, but his arm only wrapped around you, trapping you beside him and against the mattress. “Chan!” You whispered out his name forcefully, trying to wake him up just enough to be free of his hold. 

“Sleeping.” He responded, not even partially pulled from his slumber to respond, yawning softly before turning his head away from you. He was always like this the morning after, it was annoyingly cute, but right now you were hungry, your mouth was dry, and instead of being annoyingly cute, it was flat out annoying. 

The muscles that you had gripped onto so tightly when he was rocking his hips into you last night were now so constricting, and you couldn’t seem to move them off of you even an inch. “Dammit, Chan.” You groaned, straining once more to get out from under his hold, and somehow, by the grace of whatever was out there, you got out, letting out a loud huff as you finally stood from the bed. 

“Rude.” He grumbled, finally lifting his head from the pillow, but his smile let you know that he was teasing, his eyes squinted to try to block out the light that was shining in through the window behind you. “Where ya goin’?” He asked, pushing himself up to reveal that he was still shirtless, his muscles contracting as he lifted himself onto his knees on the bed. 

“Hungry, gonna make breakfast.” You responded, trying not to look at him too long, knowing it would just lead into another round that your legs just wouldn’t be able to handle this early in the morning. You were exhausted still, but you were hungry, so hungry. 

A sheepish look spread across his face as he watched you get dressed, and he let out a soft sigh. “About that…” He started, and you looked up from the pants that you were grabbing off the floor to stare at him, waiting for him to tell you about just what he looked so guilty about. “I got hungry in the middle of the night and I ate the rest of your cereal… I thought that we could just go to the store together and get something when we woke up.” 

There were a lot of problems with what he had just told you. First off, he had eaten your cereal, which wasn’t such a big deal, but you knew that if you had to go out to get more you wouldn’t want it once you got back home. The second problem, the biggest problem, was the fact that he wanted to go out to the store… with you. That was a big no no, no one had ever seen the two of you together, and you wanted to keep it that way. It wasn’t because you were embarrassed of him, not in the slightest, but if you ran into someone that you knew, they’d ask about him and you didn’t want to get into that kind of conversation. 

But, alas, you didn’t want to pay for the cereal, especially not after he had been the one who finished it off. “Alright… just get ready fast, I’m hungry and it’s your fault.” He shot you a smug smile that you quickly looked away from, rolling your eyes as you walked out of the bedroom. 

You heard the rustling of jeans being pulled on and the soft grunt as he stretched, a sound that had become all too familiar to your ears after he had spent so many nights. “Okay, I’m ready! What are you waiting for? Let’s go!” He exclaimed, walking past you to grab his shoes and pull them on. He was so fucking annoying sometimes, and it took everything in you not to smack him for it. “You say you’re hungry but you’re taking forever!” 

You narrowed your eyes at him as you slipped your feet into your shoes and grabbed your purse off the hook. “Such an ass.” You muttered as you moved past him to open the door, his arm shooting up over your head to hold it open as you walked through. “And you’re paying. I actually think I want the works for breakfast, ya know, bacon, eggs, sausage, pancakes. Everything.” 

Of course, you were being a smartass. You knew that if you actually wanted all of that, you’d have to help make it and you weren’t up for that much work this early in the morning. 

He smiled to you, nodding his head in agreement. “We’ll get the works then. I cook a mean brekky.” His lopsided grin, the way his eyes squinted up whenever he smiled. He truly could have any girl he wanted, yet here he was, quite alright with being simply fuck buddies with you. You counted yourself lucky, because you truly did enjoy those nights with him and how he made you feel. 

“Y/N!?” The voice called out to you as you walked down the aisle towards the eggs. The store hadn’t been packed, and that’s the only reason you had chosen this particular store. You didn’t want to be seen with him, and you were sure he didn’t want to be seen with you by anyone that knew either of you personally.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up, the voice was so familiar and how could it not be? It was your best friend's voice, and usually you’d whip around to gush about how coincidental it was that you’d run into each other here at this hour. Instead, you started walking faster, pushing the cart ahead of you and almost crashing into someone that was coming around the corner. “I think someone is calling for you.” Chan mused, and you glared up at him, your tongue pressing against the inside of your cheek as you shook your head at him. 

“Yeah? No shit…” You muttered rather harshly, but quickly changed your expression as you turned around to see your friend rushing over to you. “Hey!” You put it on thick, pretending to be excited to see her, but you saw her eyes glance at Bangchan and then back at you, the corner of her lips pulling up. 

“Who’s this? You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend!” Now she was gushing, practically eyefucking him as she continued to look him over. This was exactly why you didn’t want to be out in public with him. Not because your friend was looking at him like she wanted to jump his bones right now, for that, you could care less, he wasn’t yours to get jealous over anyway. No, it was because of the immediate assumption, the conclusions that people would jump to. 

“I didn’t tell you I had a boyfriend because I don’t have a boyfriend.” You retorted, trying to keep up your playfully enthusiastic tone. “He’s just my friend. I ran out of cereal and he’s the only one who has a car, so I asked him to take me to the store.” A white lie never hurt anyone, and it wasn’t even that big of a lie in the first place. You had run out of cereal, and he did have a car that he could drive you to the store in, and you had asked him to take you. So actually, it wasn’t a lie at all. 

Chan didn’t say anything, and that was a good thing. You didn’t want him slipping up and telling your friend what was really going on. Not that you thought she’d judge you for it, she had friendships like this multiple times. It’s just that, while she was open to spilling the beans of her business to you so carelessly, you were far more reserved about what was going on in your private life, especially what went on in your bedroom. 

“I really have to get done my shopping though, I’ll catch up with you some other time.” You said, hoping that she’d take the very obvious hint that you were just trying to get in and out of there, and thankfully, she did. She waved a quick goodbye to you and Chan before walking away and you let out a small sigh of relief, ready to continue on with your little shopping trip, but then he started walking away too. “Hey, where are you going? You said you’d get the stuff for breakfast!” You called after him, leaving the cart in the middle of the aisle to follow him when he didn’t turn around. 

“I’ll wait in the car.” He said flatly, there was no sign of him joking or teasing right now, he sounded so serious. What the fuck was his problem? “Just get your stuff and I’ll drop you back off at your apartment.” He didn’t wait for your response, walking through an empty checkout lane quickly to get to the exit and walk out of the store. 

You could continue your shopping, hoping that whatever had crawled up his ass in the short span of the two minutes that your friend had stopped the both of you, would crawl right back out while he was waiting for you. You didn’t want to though, especially since you had left your purse in his car, under the assumption that he was going to pay for the groceries anyway. You had no choice but to follow him out. 

What had happened though? He seemed fine earlier, nothing had even changed. “Hey!” You called out once more when you walked out of the store, seeing that he hadn’t even made it through the parking lot to his car yet. “Chan!” You called out again when he didn’t even acknowledge your calling, but he kept his back facing you. It didn’t hurt, it was just agitating. He was being a real asshole right now, and he didn’t even have the common courtesy to tell you why. 

It was so embarrassing, sprinting across the parking lot to get to the car at the same time that he did. You never chased after people, it just wasn’t something that you did. If someone didn’t want to be around you, you didn’t care, if someone didn’t want to talk to you, well that was better since you didn’t actually like talking to people either. “What?” He snapped when you stood between him and the driver's door, and it took you back a little. Why the hell was he so mad at you? 

“The fuck you mean ‘what’? What the hell is your problem?” You huffed out, slightly breathless from your trek across the lot. He was putting you through some extra work and that pissed you off. He scoffed, turning away from you, and your skin was crawling with agitation. Why was he like this? “If you wanna be a little bitch, fine. But don’t take it out on me, especially since I don’t know what your fucking problem is.” 

His hands flew up in the air before landing on the roof of the car on either side of your head. It was crazy how, even though things were heated and definitely not in any way sexual at all, being pinned against the car by him between his very muscular arms, had you feeling all types of ways. “No… No you know what the problem is, you just don’t want to fucking face it. And if anyone is a bitch, it’s you.” Your mouth dropped open and your eyes widened, not used to him talking to you like that ever. Shit, even if you had asked for him to speak to you like that in the bedroom, he would refuse. It just wasn’t like him. 

You shook your head, shoving him back, finally snapping back to the reality that was in front of you. “Maybe if you fucking told me what was the problem I’d actually know. Instead you want to act like a dick in the parking lot. Go off though, I’ll wait in the car for your little conniption fit to be over and then maybe you’ll be ready to talk to an actual fucking adult.” You snapped back, storming around the front of the car to climb in, slamming the door shut once you were seated. The ride would be awkward as hell, that you were already well aware of, but you didn’t care. You needed to get home. 

He stood outside of the car for a couple more seconds, maybe even a whole minute, you weren’t exactly counting, but once he got in you could feel the anger radiating off of him. “Anything else you want to use me for?” He muttered humorlessly once he was inside, shoving his key into the ignition. 

His words threw you for a loop, and while you had so much to say to him, so many questions, it wouldn’t be wise to speak those questions while he was driving. He was clearly upset, and while your mind was slowly but surely piecing together the puzzle, you wanted to hear from him what was really going on. 

Thankfully you were wearing your seatbelt, because as soon as he got out front of your apartment, he slammed on the brakes, the sudden jolt sending you forward in your seat, the belt training against your chest, you were mere inches away from the dashboard. “You’re such a fucking asshole.” You seethed, quickly unhooking the belt and pushing open the door. 

“You’re not gonna invite me inside? Or do you only do that when you think I’ll give you my dick?” He retorted cockily, and it was like everything turned red, the anger inside of you reaching its boiling point. 

You were already out of the car, you could have just slammed the door shut and walked up to your apartment and left him out there to sort through his own shit, but something inside of you told you to keep it going, and maybe it was the excitement of what might come at the end of the argument. “That was the fucking agreement, Chan!” You shouted back to him, leaning into the car so that he could hear you, so you could see him. “And you didn’t seem to have a problem with it when it first started!” 

His hands slammed down on the steering wheel as he let out a disgruntled groan, and then his head snapped in your direction. “Close the fucking door!” He shouted, and you couldn’t help but scream, backing up and slamming the door as you stepped up on the curb. It was frustrating, he was so fucking frustrating. Why did you even continue to humor him and his ridiculous antics? You wouldn’t… Not when he was acting this way. He was making you out to be some sort of fucking villain. 

You didn’t bother to watch him drive off, whatever he was doing now was his own business. That’s how it always was, how it was set up to be. Whatever he did outside of your apartment was his own thing, whatever the two of you did when you weren’t together was none of each other's business. “Stupid fucking… fuck!” You sighed loudly, stomping up the stairs to your apartment. The way he was acting, it was out of line. You had never seen him like this before, and even though you knew that you shouldn’t want it, a part of you did want him to come chasing after you, to continue the argument in your apartment when it would end just the way you wanted it to. 

“I wasn’t finished!” He called out, the sound of his steps racing up the stairs had your heart racing as your key hung out of the lock in your front door. “I guess that’s what you do best though. Once you’re done with me you can act like I don’t even exist anymore. I’m nothing but a friend to you.” The anger was there, it was definitely still there, but there was something else too. A pain that could be heard, his words were laced with it. 

You twisted the key harshly, throwing open the door, about to storm into your apartment, but he took it upon himself to walk in ahead of you, only furthering your annoyance with him. “I already fucking told you!” You shouted once you were inside, slamming the door behind you before turning to look at him as he stood in the middle of the entryway. “This was the agreement! No commitment, no strings, nothing! That’s how it’s supposed to fucking be!” 

His hand slammed against the wall, his head falling back as he stared up at the ceiling. You saw his adams apple bob, his swallowing was so loud. “I don’t… I don’t want it to be like this anymore…” He said, no more shouting, no more anger, it was nothing but the pain that had completely taken over. You were stunned, and if you had known that this is what he wanted it to turn into, you would have called it off before it had even started. 

“That’s ridiculous, Christopher.” You muttered, and his face scrunched up at the sound of his name, a name that you never used with him before. It was strictly off limits, but you were using it, you were just as serious as he was now. 

“Is it?” He quizzed, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. “I just thought that that’s the way it would end up. I mean… I’ve been spending the night here almost every fucking night. We have movie nights, date nights… We don’t even fuck that much anymore. I just come over and you seem so happy to see me… I just thought…” 

You shook your head, immediately regretting the decision that your past self had made to agree to those kinds of nights, those kinds of moments that had obviously given him the wrong impression. “I like spending time with you… But I didn’t want a boyfriend. I’m not ready for that, I don’t have the time…” 

His palm came down against the wall once more, his entire body swiveling to face you. “Bullshit!” He shouted it loudly, the anger back, and it was coming at you full force this time. “You don’t have time for a boyfriend, but you’re available every fucking day and night as long as you get to fuck me, right?! That’s bull and you know it!” 

Your jaw was set as you felt the tears coming on, you didn’t want them to fall because he’d assume, like he clearly does all the time, that they mean you feel bad, when they were nothing more than tears of anger from being yelled at like this. “Fine! I have a whole lot of fucking time on my hands. But what if… What if I just don’t want to date you? I don’t want to date anyone! I just wanted to have sex and hang out with you! Why is that so bad?!” 

He scoffed, his hands running through his hair before letting them fall down his face. “Because your selfish wants fucking hurt people, Y/N.” He said flatly, shaking his head at you. “What if I wanted something more? What if I love you? What if waking up beside you every morning is the happiest I’ve ever been, and falling asleep next to you gives me the best sleep of my life? What if I’m in love with everything about you and I don’t want to let that go? Huh?” 

You took a deep breath, it was shaky, and he was right. You were selfish, you wanted something that would clearly end up hurting him, and part of that agreement that you so carelessly had thrown in his face, was that it would end once he or you found someone. He had found someone, but sadly, that someone was you. “I’m sorry…” You mumbled, unable to even look him in the eyes now. Of course you felt guilty, you weren’t a sociopath, you had sympathy. “I just… Can’t be what you want me to be… I can’t be that for you…” 

“But you already are!” He was pleading now, his words holding in them an urgency that had your heart breaking, not for you, but for him. He just wasn’t getting it. “What difference would it make if you were my girlfriend? We’d just do the same thing that we’ve been doing. Nothing would change!” 

Your head shook quickly. He didn’t understand, and you didn’t expect him to. “It would make a big difference…” You sighed, chewing nervously on your bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I just… I can’t… I’m sorry.” 

He nodded his head slowly, his breaths shaky and his eyes glossed over. “Fine…” He muttered, walking towards your door. “Just, don’t text or call… Please. Can you at least do that for me? It’ll make it easier to get over you if I could just pretend like you don’t exist anymore.” 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita/wibta for NOT breaking up with my bf ?

i'm not sure if the title is phrased weirdly, bare with me. my bf and i are both 18, he is cis M & i am FTM (relevant).

My bf and i are both currently in first year uni, both living at home due to high cost of living in our country (also everywhere else lol). We met about halfway through highschool, and were friends for a while before getting together. we are coming up on two years together in a couple months, and have not really had any major bumps in our relationship. we see eachother i would say 1-2x per week, with both of us living at home and being broke it gets a little challenging sometimes but we call most nights and generally we make it work. Also worth noting that I am my bf's first everything, down to his first kiss, while he is not really this for me. this is the longest relationship i have been in (probably because i'm 18 lol), but not at all the first. however, the only "serious" relationship i have had outside of of him, aside from just casual stuff, was very abusive & toxic, so i do sort of see us on equal footing as neither of us has ever been in a normal, functional relationship before.

Now, the issue: while we are both currently living at home, i see this as a very temporary arrangement and something i am counting down the days until i can get out of. while living with my family is not abusive or anything, it is just very straining as i am not very close with them, and also cannot transition while living at home. as previously mentioned i am ftm, and while my mom is tolerant it would just put even more stress on the relationship if i were to start changing physically while living at home or even asking her to use different pronouns for me and is just something i prefer to leave until i'm not 100% reliant on her. that being said my dysphoria causes me very intense depression and without getting too detailed, i don't know how much longer i can take living here and putting off any sort of meaningful transition outside of close/online friends calling me he.

my bf, however, plans to live at home at least until he graduates, which is six years away. i understand that this is a very normal thing, especially culturally (he is middle eastern + muslim, i am white + agnostic), but the issue is that his mother is, among many other things, extremely homophobic. she already hates me for reasons i'm not really sure of (my bf refuses to go into detail, i think to protect me, but i have seen extremely graphic and nasty texts about me by name on his phone and have been told by him that he doesn't even mention me around the house or else she gets extremely upset, though she is always extremely nice to me the few times we have interacted), but anyways, me transitioning while he is still living at home would be essentially putting him in legitimate danger.

my bf does not like to think about this, which i understand. it's hard enough dealing with what i get from my family, and that is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that everyone he knows from his culture/religion beleives he should be dead just because he is gay (i know, as does he, that there are queer muslims. but they do not exist openly in his personal community). but the problem is that anytime i adress to him that the idea of waiting until we are in our mid-twenties for me to even think about transitioning is a really big issue for me he basically refuses to talk about it and just says that "it will work out". on top of the transitioning thing i just generally don't want to be twenty-five (the age he has told me is when he plans to move out) and still having to cancel dates last minute because my boyfriend's mom was in a bad mood and decided he's not allowed to go out tonight. i know this is how life is for many people and they learn to deal with it! and i respect them very much! but it is genuinely my nightmare. i understand why he cannot/does not want to cut himself off from his family, especially since his dad lives overseas and is extremely wealthy so therefore paying his entire tuition out of pocket. i'm just saying it's not a lifestyle that meshes well with my future plans.

this is where the asshole part comes in: my bf genuinely thinks that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. this started with small comments, things like alluding to the idea of our potential future kids (i love kids and raising my own is genuinely my end goal in life, something he knows just because i am very open about it), or talking about our future apartment/house, but now is basically just a constant conversation in our relationship. i try not to feed into it, but i also feel badly responding to his sweet comment when i point out a house i like on the street about how we'll buy it one day with something about how i don't ever see that happening. i generally just respond neutrally, but i will admit i get caught up in the fantasy sometimes and contribute to it as well.

he is such a lovely guy with a beautiful heart and i do really adore him, and it's not a situation where i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. to be honest, that's the dream. i love him with everything i have and i would literally do anything for him. the problem is just that when he talks about this future together all i can picture is all the million ways our relationship is doomed to implode.

but we are happy right now, because me moving out of my family home is not something that is going to be possible for another 1-2 years, so none of those issues are something that are going to come up right now. i just forsee them being pretty much impossible obstacles between us and spending the rest of our lives together down the line. but i have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that even though i want more than anything to be with him forever, the fact that i don't remotely beleive it's something that will actually work out still constitutes as leading him on.

so, am i the asshole for staying with him, because we are happy right now and these issues are not going to be relevant for another 1-2 years, and a solution might somehow present itself in that time? or is the right thing to do to just leave now, and rip off the bandaid?

What are these acronyms?

[hero-israel]

Can i just say I am so sick and tired of people claiming genocide. I mean with saying Israel is committing genocide on Palestinians right now. Every time I see it I want to scream. This is one of the numerous reasons why the pro palestine movement sucks. They can't just say something is bad, focus on real grievances. Instead they have to exaggerate and claim everything is the worst possible version. They can't just say "palestinian civilians are suffering," or even "excessive civilian deaths." No. they have to claim genocide.

it’s disgusting. they are appropriating terms and watering them down in the process. genocide is a very real horrific problem that is ACTUALLY happening to people right now... and they have to claim that term for their situation because why? to paint israel/israelis as the ultimate evil? to claim this issue is the worst ever and insist everyone else drop everything and only care about this? to add more emphasis on their lies and propaganda of israel being a colonial empire practicing apartheid? intentional flipping because they know Jews have been victim to genocide (we see this more explicitly when they compare Israel in this war to nazis)?

Maybe part of it is that if israel is responsible for genocide, then there’s no need to acknowledge how HAMAS and their actions play a significant role in palestinian suffering? (It can't be that hamas steals aid for civilians, no it must be 100% israel’s fault and only theirs! Also joe Biden I guess! /sarcasm)

No matter what, it’s a cynical ploy and absolutely disgusting.

In some ways it reminds me of how people online have taken terms like “trigger,” “gaslight,” and more, and completely twisted and watered down their meaning, turned it all into a joke ... except obviously much worse, here.

what really grinds me up is seeing how many people are buying into this. especially gen z. I am so done with my generation honestly. im ashamed to be associated with these people. part of me doesn't get it. im not jewish. and i try my best not to be antisemitic, educate myself. it does take work, but also it’s NOT THAT HARD to just NOT post completely unverified stuff, NOT absorb your news from social media, NOT give accusations of genocide without doing any research, bothering to learn about historical context, actually understanding what experts say and explanations why it is not genocide? And most of all actually LISTEN to jewish people when they talk about their own history and heritage?

Im not saying this to say im so great, in fact it's the opposite: what im doing is nothing special and amazing. it's really BASIC. yet SO MANY PEOPLE fail this??? what the fuck????

I understand people cannot educate themselves on literally very single topic. But then if they are ignorant, then they should just SHUT UP and not weigh on something they didn't take the work to understand. That is not hard!!!! NOT casually throwing around accusations of genocide should be the bare minimum and yet here we are.

All of the above. I am sorry you are dealing with this from so many among your cohort, and deeply appreciate your commitment as a non-Jew to resisting the new Christ-killer / stab-in-the-back mythology. It will continue to be difficult. For decades - for CENTURIES - all the wealthiest and most educated people in societies worldwide "knew" the Jews were guilty of these terrible things.

Derek Chauvin was convicted of the second- and third-degree murder of George Floyd. There were people at that time who were upset he hadn't been nailed for first-degree murder - he was obviously guilty! Look what a horrible thing he did! Get him for everything! But there actually really are different standards of evidence for different crimes and if prosecutors had tried to go for that one they would have lost.

I don't doubt for an instant that the IDF has committed multiple war crimes during this entirely preventable, entirely pointless cataclysm. But people are racing past the crimes that are clearly visible and could be supported by evidence because they want - need - HOPE for the very worst one to be true. It is a moral obscenity. And you can tell how much they are enjoying themselves, how fine it feels to be able to invoke genocide against Jews and Uno-reverse that nagging Holocaust card, by how quickly they revert to petty Internet slang to silence counter-arguments: "lol WELL ACTUALLLYYY, so you're JUST ASKING QUESTIONS rite, nice SEALIONING." It is meant to be an inherently, automatically truthful claim, one that the Jew has no right to deny.

The Disputations of our time.

And as we did in the past... we must answer, because not-answering will not help.

[talks-with-the-void]

I tried to tag the commenter but the blog doesn't show up, so I can't. TW: this post does contain what could be interpreted as reality checking and although I don't mean any harm, this could potentially be triggering!

But anyway, this requieres a longer answer - I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they just don't know better, which is fine, we're all here to learn. So please don't read an attack into this! I also do not experience delusions myself and certaimly don't want to speak over those who do. I am doing my best to be respectful and not accidentally spread misinformation, but if I mess up, please let me know!

Firstly, "delusion" is not a bad word. a delusion isn't "somethign stupid someone believes in, what the fuck is wromg with them", it's a (symptom of) a serious mental illness, often seen in schizophrenia and psychosis. it's an unshakable belief that contradicts Reality (= in this post, Reality with a capital R refers to the reality that is generally shared by all people and can be seen and experinced by everyone - aside from those who may have delusions). "touching grass" won't do anything to help that, it is reality for them and absolutely nothing and nobody can change that. at worst, telling them they're wrong and should just "touch grass" will make them suffer even more.

so, yes, you could say that all p-shifters experince delusions, because nobody but them can see their transformations. at least, there hasn't been any proof at all until today and their beliefs absolutely clash with science and Reality. but here's the thing: there is a condition called clinical lycanthropy or clinical zoanthropy, which describes exactly the experience of believing you can, have turned or will turn into an animal. there are quite a few of them here on tumblr, having their own community which also often kinda overlaps with alterhuman spaces. those people are not p-shifters! p-shifter is not a medical term or anything, instead it is a term that has evolved here on the internet and has a history of cult-like behaviour, lots of manipulation, malicious people, etc. the "original" p-shifters also oftentimes had a lot of ableistic opinions, openly shitting on clinical zoanthropes, using delusional as an insult, etc. the term p-shifter was never ever meant to describe the experience of clinical zoanthropy. it was invented to create the feeling of belonging to an elite group, to put yourself over others. it's even questionable if the majority of p-shifters actually believes they could transform or if they just wanted power over others, promising them to teach them how to turn, knowing all to well it can't work.

nowadays, some clinical zoanthropes try to "reclaim" the term p-shifter - which is a problem, because you can't just take a term that was NEVER meant to describe your experinces and also never used as a slur against you. a different example in alterhuman context would e the word kinnie - originally made by trolls and to shit on otherkin, it always directly addressed otherkin, even if in a deregatory way. it was meant to be used for otherkin. p-shifter was never meant to be used for delusional people. p-shifter will always have its ties to manipulation and cults, it will always be a harmful term.

I don't and will never allow people who call themselves p-shifters on my blog, because of the terms roots.

there is nothing wrong with truly believing you can transforn into an animal, even tho it contrdicts Reality. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being delusional (as in, it doesn't make you a bad person, of course it almost always comes with suffering). there however IS something wrong with proudly using a term that was NEVER meant for you, never described your experiences and instead has a history of manipulation and online-cults. if you proudly call yourself p-shifter and just basically decide to ignore that history, I don't trust you.

THIS is what my post was about, not about the fact that some people are delusional.

[goodluckclove]

So apparently when I drink enough to start posing real questions (such as "what spec fiction author would be the most fun to party with"), my body reacts poorly and I end up with insomnia. I've been lying in bed for about four and a half hours just pondering before I realized I'm an adult and I can just change locations.

I'm in the living room now. Bob seems happy for the attention. And I'd like to share my central ponder of the night, centered around how much of a bummer it is that like most of the online queer centered spaces I've seen consist of rampant in-fighting.

Stay with me here. Seriously this is a long one I'm very tired.

I'm not coming from some nonsense centrist place of no conflict ever. I just feel like so much queer conversation I see is either vague blanket support, or a massive thread that somehow starts in the middle of an argument. And as someone who is not necessarily old, but definitely not active online, this is super isolating.

I think it's a really interesting anthropological concept that as queer culture develops it becomes more niche and simultaneously more vague. That's cool. The downside is that I am now the human embodiment of that Griffin Mcelroy meme about not knowing what something is and being too afraid to ask. And every time I see someone who is clearly super passionate about some queer take, I really want to ask why they think what they do or how they came to that conclusion, but holy shit that feels dangerous.

Like it's not an immediate invalidation to ask why. More modern queer identities are so varied there's a very good chance two people experiencing the same circumstances might have two radically different reasons and ways to get there. I am at the point where I no longer think anyone can speak for our collective queer experience unless they use the broadest of terms. I'm genuinely just grieving that we're immediately giving each other shit over variations instead of getting together and comparing notes.

Oh but Google is free - fuck off. Like straight up. That shit flies for the surface level information and it's crazy to me that more people don't acknowledge that. Google is free for people who think there's only one intersex variation. Google is free for people who really want to know if scissoring is real. At this point in society there are multiple generations of queer people (or people in general) with multiple senses of online validity. Someone who grew up in the 90s might trust a more traditional source for information rather than a google doc or Tumblr post or reddit thread or tiktok, and by that logic they aren't really going to be convinced by any Googling they do for a lot of new cultural shifts.

Like I was a teen with shit opinions. I was snarky about "transtrenders" who used neopronouns. Not online or to anyone - I wasn't a complete dipshit - but I definitely thought it. If I posted about it online I'd say all the regular arguments and the opposing side would say all their regular arguments and we'd block each other and accomplish nothing.

Which would be a massive shame because one of my shining qualities is my ability to admit when I'm wrong. There's a much better alternate reality in which I did post about how people who think you don't need dysphoria to be trans are cringe, and some kind trans person asked why I thought that. Because then I'd say something like because everyone wants to be trans that doesn't mean you're just allowed to say you are.

And then they'd probably be like yeah maybe you should talk to more people about this and consider where you're coming from, saving me like ten years of gatekeeping myself from my own identity.

Like I tried the Googling thing for something niche that I'm curious about. I learned about aplatonicism recently and was like huh. New info. But every post I see in the aplatonic tag is already angry about being aplatonic so I'm not about to take space with my own curiosity.

But after scrolling a Reddit thread I am more confused than ever. I don't know what a squish is, friends. I mean, I know the definition - but my brain doesn't think of human relationships like that. People were talking about having friends that they love but they don't have squish love or friend love, also aplatonic describes some autistic people, also also aplatonic is a word specifically used for aromantic people who don't want QPRs. I don't think any of this is wrong. I do think that it is so much information that it cancels out in my brain, and now I kind of just think aplatonic is a word that means things sometimes. And that's not what I want.

I'm being self indulgent because I don't think anyone is reading this far and I'm feeling relaxed because I took an Adderall earlier today and I feel like I can actually think for the first time in months. I want to ask some aplatonic people what they think "friend love" is supposed to be compared to what they feel for their friends, if they have them. If they don't have a need for friends, I am very curious to know what they think about the friend list function on virtually every social media website and game. Like this is not a bit. I've been awake in bed for almost five hours and it occurred to me that might be a bummer. Maybe some people use them out of convenience, but I think it would be interesting to meet a person who's so staunch in their philosophy that they just don't. I feel like there's probably a lot of aplatonic people who are like just straight up not online and don't even know that's their vibe.

I want to ask some loveless aros what they consider to be positive emotions or motivations in their lives. Like I'm so full of love for virtually anything that the concept of not having that emotion across the board makes me wonder if something else fills the space. Like do loveless aros love ideas? Do they love their hobbies? I don't think aromantics are sociopaths at all, I've just seen people who both say that loveless is reclaiming a slur and also defining a lack of love and I'd like to know more about both.

I saw a post on my feed about how anyone should be allowed to get gender affirming surgery even if they aren't trans. I don't disagree. That argument has honestly never occured to me and I really wish I could've asked why someone would want that. Because "a cis man might want a vagina" is valid, but doesn't fly in terms of actual logistics. You have to make so many appointments and wait for so long and answer so many questions. I'm aware my opinion on this is heavily biased by being Agender and actively ridding my body of as many secondary sexual characteristics as quickly as possible. I am not immune to the propaganda of my own identity. I would just like to have an in-depth conversation with a cis man that wants a vagina and ask why and also if they think it's worth the maintenance. Because, like, there IS maintenance.

I'm not doing it to judge. If this hypothetical man is like "yeah I know I'd have to keep up with the upkeep and maybe wear hormone patches from now on, but structurally it makes sense for my view of my own manhood", I'd be like "that's really interesting, I considered adding a penis to my architecture but then decided that it would probably be a sensory nightmare for me. I'm surprised so many cis men can ride a bike."

And then maybe he'd say "where do you think cis men put their pensises when they ride a bike?" To which I would say "I don't know the mechanics of a penis and at this point the thought of learning in which direction I'd have to stick my hypothetical one makes me anxious."

And then he'd kind of scoff bemusedly, and we'd go out together for banh mis.

I think at this point in my rant I'm realizing that my major issue here is that the world as a whole is not friendly to genuine curiosity. I also get triggered by hate bait, and it bothers me that I can't pull the subject of the cringe fuel aside and be like what are you doing? Like, not judgementally. I want you to explain to me what you are doing and why it's important to you.

I don't think it'll convince me every time, but I'm pretty sure I'd be like "ah, okay. Makes sense." And then move on with a greater understanding of the growth of humanity.

And also we can get banh mis.

I really want a bahn mi but I can't bike to get one or else my guts will fall out. Gender affirming surgery is a mistake for the sole reason that it prevents me from yummy Vietnamese sandwiches.

Kidding. I'm kidding, not having a uterus anymore has been pretty cool.

The sun came up.

Fuck.

[leviismybby]

I am going to be honest. I think my love for Levi is dissipating which just makes me sad. There's just too much discourse going on around his character that just makes me feel like a split personality type of thing idk. On Twitter most canonize him as queer/subby. And some people here try to force more suffering onto him. Which I stick to canon and know there's no proof of it but when everyone keeps saying it it just kind of feels like an attempt to override canon. There's nothing wrong with headcanon but now people treat so much headcanon as canon, spreading misinfo and then people run with it. At some point I feel like is something even canon if so many people disregard it. I know technically it is canon but then to me personally I can't help but feel disturbed. I know I should stick to reading only canon materials but I have already read the manga and watched the anime. I would like to read extended materials from fans but doing it has only left me with a nagging feeling because there's so much weird but popular takes about his character. So much that people actually believe. I see it on Twitter and Tiktok, literally tens of thousands, even millions of people believe these takes. And now that Aot is over, they are going to have that takes as canon forever. The thought is just crazy to me. The Erwin x Levi(Eruri) tag on Tiktok has 1.1 billion views that are full of different takes. It's just outrageous

You shouldn't let them do that to you anon and I will be honest with you, I don't have twitter and I do not engage with the fandom on tiktok for more than one reason, shipping being a large one. Erwin and Levi are an mlm ship, mlm ships have always been more popular amongst fandom, funny thing is, even today, Eren x Levi is still the most popular ship which is nuts. What I do is I engage with the fandom on here and on YouTube, on YouTube mostly people who aren't really part of the fandom are on there so they see those characters for what they are. I can't change someone mind on how they see Levi, if they see him as some subby clingy uwu boy for Erwin or whoever, good for them, it just proved to me that the ship they follow is more important than Levi's character. Also, I doubt that, what I have been seeing since aot ended is people on tiktok and twitter actually calling these people out and telling them that Levi deserves better treatment from the fandom. They can't overrun canon Levi, they aren't the author nor are they that big, trust me. It may seem like Eruri is huge online but it's the minority. In real life aot fans mostly never engage in ships or ridiculous takes because canon is enough for them, most are shocked to learn that people ship Levi with Erwin or whoever. Shippers aren't as powerful as they seem, anon haha. I think the best for you would be to avoid toxic apps such as tiktok and twitter. YouTube would be my best recommendation, people on there are normal and you won't find shippers running all over the place.

[alpaca-clouds]

Is There Actually A Media Literacy Crisis?

Something I am thinking about a lot is that supposed "media literacy crisis" that people talk about a lot online. Some people say it is real, some people say it isn't.

Of course I am in the strange condition of not being American and this discussion focusing mostly on America. Talking to some of my bald eagle loving friends, I know that most Americans get way less media analysis taught in schools than us Germans. Like, I kid you not: All I did in German and English and history class between 7th and 13th grade was analyse texts and pictures. NOTHING ELSE. And how that was very dependent on the teacher in terms of how much media literacy I actually learned would be a topic for another day. But I know that a lot of my US friends did some analysis, yes, but comparatively little.

I will openly say one thing: Despite being pushed through so much literary analysis in school, I probably learned more about media analysis thanks to the internet than I ever learned in school. Because while we did it a lot. Well, it was basically the quality of content that the Japanese schools have when it comes to learning English. Do they start in primary school? Yes. Do they then absolutely fail on building on the vocabulary and all? Absolutely.

In history class we did a lot of analysis of historical propaganda. But do you think we ever spoke about framing? Just as a very accute example.

I would however not quite argue that we have a media literacy crisis really. More... Well, I would say we have four other problems that are seperate from one another - but that will contribute to it appearing as if people are media illeterate.

People do generally not think about or inform themselves how the media they consume is created. They are not really aware of what goes into the production of a piece of media, that has more complex behind-the-scenes scenarios than a book. Movies, TV shows and games are the most notable example here. As such, folks are often not quite able to see how the influence of several different people working on a project can be felt - let alone be able to analyse how that might have influenced the end product.

A lot of the most widely marketed media is very much created by coorporations to extract money. While some of the people involved might have had something to say, the studio producing it just wanted to make something that they can sell, which often results in some watering down of more complex themes. Through this people have kinda forgotten to even expect themes in their media. (Yes, this is very much about the MCU and most of AAA gaming.)

Because half of the discussion of any piece of media now takes place in the arena of the culture war, people often just reduce themes - if they are there - to very superficial culture war readings. And this happens on both sides of the isle. While the on the right we have idiots going "they hate white men", because a movie does not have a white male protagonist, the other side will go "this is sexist" because in a show of mostly female characters, a female character died.

People just do not have the time currently to actually sit with a piece of media and everyone in the industry knows it. A lot of media is created to be "second screen content", aka, something that you watch on your TV while you are in home office and working on that stupid powerpoint. And of course you cannot really interact with that media the same, you would, if you watched it on a first screen basis, right?

And of course, then there is the fandom side of things. Because yes, the entire proshipping and antishipping thing is also very much a media literacy problem, that mostly originates with, well... How should I say?

It originates with the same stuff like the rightwing leftwing culture war: From people not touch grass. From people not being aware that the folks that scream so loud online are actually a minority. And most people who will ever engage with a given piece of media will just never write something on tumblr, reddit or twitter about this piece of media. They will just consume it... and move on.

[arizonaconservativegal]

Oh, I should clarify that there's nothing wrong with watching certain shows, but in some ways I do think the media you consume influences your worldview if you're really sheltered or if you don't get out much. Many of these online activists don't have experience with actual real life political activism so they approach politics the way they approach their shows. I know we should "let people enjoy things" but it's concerning

Kids these days need their worldview spoonfed to them and I think that's a combination of a) iPad parenting, b) schools that teach you to cite sources but not think for yourself, and c) a lack of organized religion. No one ever taught them how to map out their own values and form their own moral compass and work through questions that aren't black and white. Pop culture has become their only guide for these things and the problem there is that pop culture only tells you one answer - not how to think through the question and arrive at that answer yourself, much less with room to arrive at a different answer. They are told X is good and Y is bad but they have no idea why X is good or what is so bad about Y.

And they think that by interacting with media that says X is good, they are supporting the idea that X is good. If you interact with media that doesn't say X is good, it is obviously supporting Y. Since Y is bad, they can only interact with things that support X or explicitly condemn Y. Media consumption becomes activism and if you interact with the wrong thing, people will think you support Y and therefore you are On The Wrong Side and should be condemned.

When someone presents them with option Z, they have no idea what to do with it. They can only assume that if X is good, anything that isn't X must be bad like Y is bad. Because if Z was good, it would just be part of X.

And forget asking them about nuance. They panic when they see it because they truly don't know know to think about something more complex than an either/or. There isn't one right answer they can learn from some tv show. Nuance requires you to think about exceptions to the rule. If you don't have the skills to evaluate Z on your own, then you certainly won't be able to parse out when Z might apply instead of X.

Like I said at the top, this is a problem with how we teach kids. It's not the fault of the media they interact with. Watching some dumb lefty show will not make you a lefty. But if you've never been taught how to form your own conclusions, watching only dumb lefty shows will leave you parroting what they say. Playing a violent video game will not make you become a murderer but if you've never been taught that murder is bad or why you shouldn't hurt other people and all you know is that your game encourages you to kill people in it, you would think that is normal behavior. Most of us at least were taught enough to recognize that the violent video game is not a good place to learn your morals so we can play them as intended everything is fine but not everyone was taught how to think about political or moral philosophy.

So anyway, yeah it's fine to watch a silly show where everyone is either good or irredeemably evil - sometimes that can be relaxing because it doesn't ask you to think much and we all need that from time to time - but it's not meant to teach you how the world works because that's not how the world works. And it's fine to watch a show that has an agenda. It's even fine to decide you agree with what they're saying and adopt that into your own worldview - but you should be the one making that decision. The tv should not be doing it for you. If you don't understand why what they're saying makes sense to you, then you don't actually agree, you're just repeating the last thing you heard. Sometimes things just instinctively feel right and that's cool but then you need to challenge that idea and refine it. You should be able to identify the underlying principles driving that idea and use it to extrapolate next steps and figure out where the boundaries are or if its application is conditional on anything else and it should hold up against opposing information. If you don't know how to do that, people will manipulate you for their own purposes with ease.

[schismusic]

Joy Division, or: how I learned to stop worrying and love New Order, too

Spring is weird as hell because one time you have this glaring sun that powers you up like being plugged into a wall outlet, then not five minutes later clouds begin to gather and you feel like you're going to die if anything goes south. So the most obvious combination to represent two sides of this same coin, emotional and meteorological, is Joy Division and New Order.

Sometimes you need Transmission or Shadowplay for the sunny days — impassioned jolts, sparks flying everywhere. Sometimes The Perfect Kiss hits harder on a cloudy afternoon, coming back home and in need of that extra push to not fall asleep in the train. It's surprising to realize the versatility displayed by both bands, or the same band in two different iterations according to whomever you ask. Peter Hook says, as late as 1993, that the laziest member of New Order is Ian Curtis. Or again this other person, in the comments under the Atmosphere official video on YouTube, who went to see New Order (Hooky-less New Order, which might be a relevant distinction) at the O2 Arena a couple of years ago and they gave an encore, says "Those of us who stayed got the privilege of watching Joy Division perform three of their songs". Interesting outlook on the matter. I personally saw Peter Hook and the Light play both Joy Division records and, I'm pretty sure, an encore comprised of just Love Will Tear Us Apart at the Arti Vive Festival in Soliera, back when it was still free to attend some of the events. I remember being pretty mad that Hooky had stopped to take pics with basically everyone and then left exactly as I was approaching. In retrospect I don't exactly blame the man, it was like midnight anyway. I remember nothing of the back trip home.

My first contact with Joy Division happened when I was thirteen and very much in my prog era. I was in Rome staying at an aunt of mine's place for my fourteenth birthday and she told me I could get a CD, since I had gotten some money saved up over time. Some Facebook page dedicated to Pink Floyd I'd liked (yeah, Facebook at age thirteen — I literally just wanted to play a fucking Flash game, back when Facebook allowed them, and I ended up getting to be terminally online. Crazy how things turn out) used to share a lot of memes and fanart relating to the Unknown Pleasures album cover, and me being a massive Pink Floyd head at the time I thought "I mean, if these guys are pushing this band so hard, that's gotta mean something". The album cover was pretty striking, admittedly: a far cry from the paisley ass paintings that I had grown to accept as the gold standard for the music I liked, but its simplicity struck a chord closer to The Dark Side of the Moon, or perhaps The Wall. Those were records I liked a lot, probably called them "the best records ever made" to more than one person, not like they aren't but that's a very bold statement to make when your listening experience consists exactly of

Madonna's Confessions on a Dance Floor when I was six;

Daft Punk's complete discography (minus Random Access Memories, which wasn't out yet) when I was twelve;

Pink Floyd's complete discography, courtesy of a CD collection coming out with some Italian newspaper, that same year;

a couple random classic rock records recommended to me by older friends and relatives usually well into their fifties or sixties at the time, random people on Internet forums — which, for clarification, I did not actively attend, preferring to just lurk from time to time — and the OndaRock "milestones" page.

So browsing through the surprisingly expansive CDs section of this electronics shop in Rome, and being mesmerized by a vinyl rack in the days when Music on Vinyl was the final frontier of pretending you could re-analogue the digital ("you mean to tell me these are like CDs, but bigger? Whoever designed these truly lived in the future"), I came across that very same album art that had stricken me so hard. I had listened to the first seconds of the album on YouTube, but that weird drum sound — so echoey, so distant, ultimately not particularly powerful, meaning it didn't really sound like Bonzo: it sounded more like my own band, which at the time didn't even exist yet — I didn't really know what to make of. This store I was in had one of those preview listening machines that would scan the barcode on the CDs and give you a small snippet of the song. I pull the CD up to the scanner, the scanner lights up green, I put on the headphones and the solo from this comes up:

Clearly they had to be kidding me. I had come to know, sneaking into infinitely many rehearsals with the band from my mother's town, what it sounded like when someone tried to play lead without something else filling up the arrangement (even though I didn't really know all that, or at least lacked the vocabulary to properly express it) and, for Christ's sake, didn't these guys notice rehearsing? It sounded empty, weirdly so, and it wasn't my thing, I thought. I put that CD away and picked up a band I knew I'd like — Genesis, specifically. So Nursery Cryme became the first CD I've ever paid with my own money, the very day I turned fourteen. Not a bad pickup. I remember being very impressed with the fast blurring lead guitar on The Musical Box and digging the sweet pastoral atmospheres of For Absent Friends and Harlequin. I still think of that record more often than one would probably assume looking at this blog, or my most played on Spotify. At the time, that was the best move I could take, really: why beat my head against a record that, as your average prog nerd ballbreaker, simply wasn't speaking to me?

Then all of a sudden in August of the same year my friend's dad hands me a 16 gigabyte USB drive, full of random music from all eras of rock. A lot of it remains inscrutable to me for a really long time, most notably Tom Waits (see related post), but I spent the whole month reading random folder names, seeing if something catches my eyes, and at one point I come across the Mars Volta. Open the folder up, read the names of their first three records, and my first thought is "Christ, these guys look incomprehensible. I'm about to have some fun". Long story short: I end up having a lot of fun, the Mars Volta turns into my favourite band at the time and finding out that they had previously been called At the Drive-In makes me gain some measure of respect for punk rockers: if they tried hard enough, I must've thought, they could prog as hard as anyone. In the meantime the ghost of Joy Division remains at the back of my head. I feel like I'm missing something, for the first time in my life: it's not them, it's me. Too bad that same realization didn't occur to me when it came to the people in my life until much, much later, but that's being fourteen for you I suppose. Early King Crimson and the Mars Volta were the pinnacle of violence to me, and not even the very few Metallica songs I'd downloaded just to see what would happen scratched that itch. It felt a bit too cauterized for some reason (I would later find out I had been looking in the wrong direction the whole time: the Black Album "sucked", according to my favourite metalhead of the time, who somehow catalyzed my interest from the very second I saw him in the school's courtyard. Hard to imagine why I would imprint on people like puppies do, but what the fuck, not like I've ever outgrown that anyway, I've just gotten better at managing it). But I felt there was more than violence to this, or different forms of violence. When Christmas came around and my relatives tried to get me presents, my mother asked if there was anything specific I was interested in, and I basically told her "look, if they can get me some CDs off of this list, I'm golden". It had some bangers on it, namely Noctourniquet by the Mars Volta — it's one of their best and I will die on this hill, be warned — and The Downward Spiral, which might as well warrant its own post in an ideal world. But the best of them all I think came from a random purchase, once again with the little money I had lying around at the time.

Closer appears to be, right away, a bit more concrete, and if there's something inexperienced music fans like is a pretty packaging that conjures a strong emotional response before they've even played the record. Compare a color-inverted graph of pulsar emissions to a literal funerary monument. Opening up the booklet I was shocked to see that Genesis was used as a negative point of comparison (bad omen, I thought) by people close to the band, and I came across much more detailed information about Ian Curtis's untimely demise — at that time, something far too removed from my experience to be faced with the delicacy and attention it deserves. Atrocity Exhibition hits like a ten-ton truck, a reference which at the time I wouldn't have been able to make for obvious reasons, and Isolation exposes all the nerve tissue under the skin. Passover comes in and strips everything even barer, and then A Means to an End turns… danceable, for some reason? Big emotional moment with The Eternal and Decades, which I thought actually took them closer to my usual tastes. And yet at the same time I kept looking at Colony, Heart and Soul and Twenty Four Hours as the most compelling cuts. Geometric assault sounding like sheet metal if it were music; rhythmically driven emptiness that serves as a minimal backdrop for depressed poetry, and finally a rocking ebb-and-flow that would probably inform a lot of my interest in GY!BE-like post-rock in the coming years. Very interesting to think that the same guys who'd done Unknown Pleasures could think of this. To this day, when asked, I still do think that Closer is the best Joy Division record, but what does it even mean when the records are exactly two, compilations notwithstanding?

It was around this time that it came to my attention that both Joy Division and another band called New Order had a record called Substance out, both published by the same recording company, both coming out within a year of each other. Looking it up, it turns out it's fully intentional, because New Order is simply Joy Division minus Ian Curtis. It would turn out to be a tad bit more complex than that. Anyway, I look New Order up and kind of have to do a double-take. Synthpop? In my Joy Division? More likely than you'd think, considering Isolation exists. But yeah, that sort of seals it — I wouldn't care about this New Order for a million years. Until all of a sudden a couple of years later David Sylvian bursts like a comet in my face, which of course leads me straight to Japan, the same year as I'd come across Berlin-era Bowie, and you can probably guess where this is going, right?

Well, you'd be wrong. I still don't check out New Order. There's a whole new world open to me — vaporwave and therefore R Plus Seven come to my attention, which leads me to dissect that record like an alien tool of unclear purposes. This of course leads me onto an ambient tangent, taking me back to my Tim Hecker listens of that same year, which has the effect of renewing my interest in "pure" electronic music and the then-rising post-dubstep movement. The sheer experience of sound, the dazzling modernity and innovation, is what's in at the time. I have no time for nostalgia-pandering dimwits: the future awaits. Then all that jazz from the first Godflesh post hits, then God pulls the funniest gag in the history of viral infections to my memory, and I have some time to actually look back, a bit less prejudiced. As it turns out, synthpop is not the devil, as some of you might have surmised by now, and as I relisten to Blue Monday I realized I have never listened to either of the Substance record. I do know some, most perhaps?, of the tracks on the Joy Division one, and I do think the New Order one has the more striking cover art — not to mention I knew, by this time, that this was the one to give Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance its name, and that Your Silent Face soundtracked one of the most memorable moments in Nicolas Winding Refn's Bronson. As the ultimate Hideo Kojima stan, I couldn't let this slide, so I pop the record on and get hit with this:

Way to go, guys. Holy shit. I knew that Ceremony was a Joy Division cut before they could record it, but what the hell — Bernard got it, too. It wasn't a matter of singing ability with songs like these, it's just getting it, finding the right energy. They had that right energy. And then it hit me just as many times these dudes have made Blue Monday over and over again before actually getting it right, and everytime I look into it it's funnier and funnier to realize just how many different attempts it took them to finally be Kraftwerk, but augmented — with the stellar results we all know. Everything's Gone Green, 5 8 6, Temptation potentially, all lead up to this one moment in the history of dance music where somehow three dudes and a girl hailing from Manchester managed to out-gay the Pet Shop Boys (by their own admission, apparently), to shake the whole world's collective booty, to do whatever it is they were supposed to do in this last comparison that would ideally make the previous one a bit less obnoxious but whatever, it's 3am as usual, you know how it goes by now don't you? But then after Blue Monday the record keeps going, and thank god it does, because it's banger after banger. How do these guys keep doing it?

So I spend some time with that record, then it fades down, then it comes back up last month, when the weather calls for it and its parent company. Which is when I find myself watching the Control movie for the first time, surprisingly enough seeing as I already enjoyed the work of Anton Corbijn as a photographer. Looking at all that, it is revealed to me that Joy Division never really having died is not a bug, it's a feature. Everyone is gasping, I get it, but please pick your jaws up and check this out: the band has never learned how to play their respective instruments. One might go so far as to argue they play their own stuff their own way, and that's basically it. Nothing could be further from the truth. These guys jammed, a lot; that's how Joy Division wrote songs, that's how New Order wrote songs, even going as far as having Bernard Sumner fucked up on acid so he could find the chorus to Temptation or the whole band bombed out of their minds on X in Ibiza clubs to write, basically, the entirety of Technique — and even then, not really, there's a couple jangly tracks that the X would most likely render unlistenable but what do I really know? Point being: it might now have been sparked by a music teacher or instructor, it might not have been the product of a process comparable to that within Television, which led them to organically seek out better, more "by the book" musicianship, but New Order were incredibly familiar with their instruments, had formed an element of comfort and understanding that counterbalanced the alien-ness to music terminology.

Peter Hook recently uploaded a Yamaha-sponsored video to his Instagram, which I am pretty sure has a say in running, where he jams on a Yamaha bass and, you know, it sounds like Hooky alright, but it's never a discernible bassline until he kicks into the A major strumming that opens Love Will Tear Us Apart. Before that, he just strolls around the neck, leisurely strumming away at power chords imbued with that thick chorus and reverb combo he became renowned for. I would never, in my wildest dreams, have imagined I'd find myself thinking "okay, awesome, stop talking — I want to hear you jam a bit more" referring to one of the musicians who were part of possibly two of the craziest storiest in the history of contemporary rock'n'roll, also notorious for playing the rockstar whilst carrying the minimum possible baggage of technical knowledge he could. Once again, this is nowhere near a knock to the man — quite the opposite. Ian Curtis asked "persistence, well, what does it matter?", and Hooky (and, of course, the other members of New Order) found a way to constructively answer that question. Moments before Coil, but a bit later than Israel Regardie, they said "persistence is all" and built a brand on finding a way to consistently sound like splendid, eternal, golden children: "like crystal", impassionate, tightly-knit performers with the purity of a child's heart. Ian Curtis had, in certain ways (at least artistically), the purity of a child in his heart, which some might even argue was a distinguishing feature of most of his literary idols — if you think about it, William Burroughs could be your dirty-minded classmate who walked in on his parents sharing an intimate moment in the bedroom (had his parents been gay men, the metaphor would probably fly better, but that most definitely wasn't the case). So the heart of Joy Division remains untouched, if a bit more naked. Heroes of post-punk, sons of the silent age, you can sleep soundly tonight.