#and then i keep feeling shotty afterwards
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what the fuck man
#mine#i dont get it#im fine#and then 1 small thing goes wrong and im crying???#when just a few days ago i wouldnt have cared#and i dont know why#im perfectly okay#until those moments#and then i keep feeling shotty afterwards#bc i cant go home & relax a bit#maybe im just in need of a break#either way i want this to stop
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time, ever moving
pokemon (gameverse) -- green oak/reader
(1892 words)
ao3 version
What snapped Green out of his funk was some cocky brat from Johto. His name was Gold, you learned, when Green complained to you at some banquet. He spoke about Gold bugging him at Cinnabar, about how the kid wanted to fight him right there, on top of all the ash and cinders. You had smiled wryly at him, and had told him, “I bet you would have if you were still twelve.”
Green snorted in response, lifting his glass of champagne to his lips as he spoke. “Good thing I’m not twelve anymore then.”
You’re not sure when your relationship with Green Oak changed.
When you were kids, he was a menace. You were no better, but it was always Green getting the two of you in trouble. Between rushing through the tall grass Pokemon-less, exploring nearby caves with “borrowed” equipment from Professor Oak’s lab, or dumb dares down at the coast south of Pallet, the blame would befall both of you, despite all of the instigating being Green’s doing.
Even during your journey, most of your trouble—when not dealing with an interregional crime syndicate—came from the one and only Green Oak.
Roadblock of the century, Green Oak was always waiting for you. Town after town, route after route, you found him flaunting his progress, forcing you to pause in your own as he challenged you. Given, you’d always win, and Green always gave you some piece of advice or a tip you genuinely didn’t know after, but it was still a momentum breaker; another bullet point on your list of annoying habits of one Green Oak.
Squaring up against him at the final point in your journey, however, was much more fitting than fighting Champion Lance.
Green was devastated when he lost, despite the front he put on for you. There was no name for the way he left after his grandfather came into the room other than retreating, and if Professor Oak hadn’t corralled you towards the Hall of Fame, you would have run after your rival.
Champion duties took over from there, and though you were a kid, you were swamped with work. Between interviews and tv appearances, photoshoots and League meetings (the last one, you’re sure, was the only true duty you had. The other stuff was most likely Lance fishing for funds for the League—two child prodigies claiming the title of Champion within a few months of beginning their journeys was honestly quite the cash cow), you rarely saw Green.
You found out later—sometime after most of the euphoria had died down—that Lance had hired Green as the new Viridian Gym Leader.
As Champion, you had the final signature on the paperwork to make it official. When Lance presented it to you, you almost thought it was a joke. Green Oak, willingly working with the League? With you?
He’d gone radio silent the moment he left the Plateau after you won the Champion battle. You only learned from Daisy after you nearly knocked a hole in the Oak residence’s door that Green left for Sevii Islands— that he’d been gone for weeks now, I thought he let you know?—and when he got back, he had ignored you. You! Rivals, best friends, whatever, he hadn’t said a word, and now—now?!
You signed off on it, of course. Your beef with Green was yours, not the League’s, and with how desperate you knew Lance was on filling the empty hole where Giovanni once stood, you weren’t going to be petty about this.
It turned out that Green was actually an excellent pick for a gym leader. You knew he would be—duh, he was Green Oak—, but you were proud of him anyway.
Viridian perked up nicely with a new gym leader at the helm—the influx of new trainers in Kanto the season Green stepped into his position nearly rivaled the season following the Champion battle between the two of you the year before. It was a testimony to Green’s fame, as well as another boost in profits for the League, which always made for a happy Lance.
Your rival had a way of elegantly beating aspiring trainers into the ground. Sometimes, it was the breaking point for journeys, and others, it drove home just how determined they really had to be to continue. The average rate of Earth Badges actually being given out per season dropped with Green as the Viridian Gym Leader when compared to Giovanni, but Lance had agreed with you—Green was every bit the better gym leader.
Until, at least, he seemed to get bored.
Viridian Gym fell to the wayside some time during Green’s second year of running it. Your rival had openly complained about paperwork, about guest lectures and special appearances, about the banquets and meetings and get-togethers whenever someone would spare him a second on the topic. It wasn’t a surprise to see Lance pulling Green away at all those gatherings to scold him, and you weren’t surprised by the way Green would always let it roll off his back either.
Green Oak operates by no one’s rules but his own when he can get away with it, and if the worst repercussion Green was going to face was Lance being disappointed with him, you knew nothing would change.
What snapped Green out of his funk was some cocky brat from Johto. His name was Gold, you learned, when Green complained to you at some banquet. He spoke about Gold bugging him at Cinnabar, about how the kid wanted to fight him right there, on top of all the ash and cinders. You had smiled wryly at him, and had told him, “I bet you would have if you were still twelve.”
Green snorted in response, lifting his glass of champagne to his lips as he spoke. “Good thing I’m not twelve anymore then.”
Gold tore through Green’s gym when he finally arrived, about a month later.
You heard about it from your mother first, who apparently had been keeping up with Gold’s journey after the boy came through Pallet and charmed the little town with his familiar and nostalgic ambition. Your immediate thought upon hearing the news was how Green would want a rematch without the League rules he was required to follow as a gym leader weighing him down. When you saw Green the following morning, he voiced that exact sentiment to you. You laughed at his predictability.
Shortly after Gold had bested you a few weeks later, Green stepped down from Viridian Gym. He had an internship in Kalos under Professor Sycamore, as well as a scholarship to some college there for evolution sciences. Apparently, he spoke enough Kalosian to get by, and hearing him speak it to some lab assistant over the phone while dining at a cafe with him rattled your brain.
Green kicked your shin under the table, and, belatedly, you realized you had been staring. Cheeks rosy, you settled on staring at your drink instead.
League meetings were insanely boring without Green there to take your mind off them after he left. Gold had won the title of Kanto Champion, yes, but he had already besieged the Johto title, and held the responsibilities that came with it. He had stepped down from any sort of toe-in-the-water as far as Kanto went, and thus, Lance had kept you around. Besides, after a rematch a month later, you had beaten Gold anyway. The two of you were on pretty even footing.
These meetings though—they were boring. Green somehow never paid attention and yet always could summarize them for you afterwards. Now, with him halfway across the world, you had to struggle to keep your eyes open alone under Lance’s droning voice. At least you could find comfort in Erika, who always fell asleep at some point in these meetings without fail.
Unova was where you saw Green next. The Champions Tournament was an event entirely too flashy for your tastes, but you could see the way Green shined under the attention. His battles were magnificent and dramatic while still being calculating and precise. You ate up the way he directed his hand towards the camera with a blinding grin on the tiny television in your hotel room at the start of one battle, and from the tinny shrieking blasting through the shotty speakers, so did everyone in the arena.
Your battle against one another was apparently referred to as the highlight of the tournament, and while you understood why everyone screamed in delight as Green’s Aerodactyl took down your Charizard, you couldn’t quite place why they practically deafened you upon your victory. You had nowhere near the showmanship Green did, but when Green shook your hand post-match, the way he looked at you… His smile was soft, proud in a way that could only be directed at someone else, and with his eyes locked with yours, you realized his pride was placed in you. That was a rush of emotions not even ten thousand people chanting your name could ever hope to give you.
He was on break, Green told you later in your hotel room. He was doing fine in school, which you knew meant he was acing every one of his classes, the bastard, but the highlight for him was the data collecting he was doing for Sycamore. It took him all over Kalos, from rocky shores to snowy mountains, from quaint little towns so similar in feel to Pallet, to eternally autumn forests. Green had stated somewhere between his descriptions of the aquarium in Ambrette Town and the sundial in Anistar City that he would love to show you the region one day. When the two of you turned in that night, with Green passed out in his day clothes on the other side of your bed, you dreamt of summer days exploring a new region with your oldest friend. Maybe, after Green had finished his research under Sycamore, the two of you would make up for your childhood journey.
Your chance came nearly two years later in the shape of a man named Kukui.
He was a professor from the Alola region, a region famous for its beautiful shores and stunning flora. Your mom had vacationed there once upon a time, you knew, back when your dad was around. The way Kukui described it was from the view of a man in love with his home. When he asked for your notoriety to draw in more than just vacationers to their region, you almost gave in due to his passion alone.
Convince Green Oak first, you managed to tell him. If he had your rival on board, you’d go too.
Alola was humid, you found out. Humid and hot, forcing your clothes to stick to your skin as you trudged through the wilds of the routes. The benefit, you discovered quickly enough, was that Green would unbutton his polo down as far as the shirt would let him when the sun was at its peak.
He was a view, under the glow of the Alolan sun, no matter the hour of the day. Even the moonlight felt like it knew how to accentuate his features for you to admire as the two of you camped along routes. His hair lightened with the weeks, and his skin took on a sunkissed complexion that suited him so nicely. He had teased you for staring multiple times at first, but between weeks of Mantine surfing, battles with locals who only had passing knowledge of yours and Green’s fame, and evenings spent talking softly between the two of you, you had noticed his eyes on you just as much.
You’re not sure when your relationship with Green Oak changed, but, as you kiss him in the evening light, cool ocean waves lapping at your waists, you don’t think you particularly care.
#pokemon#green oak#blue oak#reader insert#fanfic#writing#txt.cat#txt.fic#i did write this ambiguously so if u wanna read this as green/red u totally can#IM A FOOL PART OF THE TEXT GOT CUT OFF JDFHKJHFD#should be fixed#pkmn#green oak/reader#blue oak/reader
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For @hello-strangelove, great choice of a movie! I was gonna do this as the 21st movie but I couldn’t help myself
Tony had thought Peter would be safe at school.
But when he heard about drugs being sold to kids and how Peter was trying by himself to bring the ring down by hinself, he had to take action.
Nick Fury was all for it.
He had little information to give Tony about the drugs, but he also had a plan to learn more.
It wasn’t hard getting one teacher kicked out and Tony appointed as the substitute for a science class, or hacking into their shotty system to keep track of conversations because he knew kids don’t just get drugs from anywhere, someone had to be covering it up.
This way he could keep an ear and eye out for any suspicious activity while being close to the vicinity should anything happen.
He had it completely under control.
Well, that was until Stephen had himself assigned as the new English Literature sub to keep an eye on Tony and make sure he didn’t blow the school up or something.
Every student in the school thought it was amazing that these two Avengers had taken time out from saving the world to come and teach them such basic subjects, but none more so than Peter, who couldn’t believe his mentors had wanted to help him with this.
But once they had become settled in to their roles, new rumours began to circulate about the two.
Well, they weren’t really new, Tony and Stephen were already together, but they’d been trying to keep their relationship away from the public because the last thing Tony wanted was for Stephen’s name to be slandered all over New York City.
So they tried to do things separately to minimise the rumours.
Tony would keep him in the loop if anything popped up in his class and Stephen would do the same only after school hours.
It worked, for a short time.
Tony would be in the middle of class and have a student ask him if he thought Mr. Strange was hot, to which Tony would laugh and tick off the student because Stephen still liked to be called Doctor Strange.
Stephen would make a student read out part of the book they were studying and the names would suddenly to change to his and Tony’s, which would make half the class start laughing and the other half swooning.
He tried to bring it up with Tony, who didn’t seem to think class room shenanigans were as important as grading the pile of tests on his desk.
Or as important as his plans to stay as a teacher.
Stephen could not believe what he was hearing.
Tony was a billionaire Avenger for heaven’s sake! They’d only been at the school for a week! It was like this mission had gone to his head!
But Tony was serious.
He connected with kids, he loved kids, he wanted to be someone who could change their lives and maybe he’d missed his calling.
Maybe instead of going into the family business like he’d been forced to do, maybe he could do what he actually wanted to do?
Stephen had to take a moment before answering, not wanting to sound like a complete asshole and trample over Tony’s dreams like his father obviously had.
They had a job to do.
They had to find who was giving those drugs to kids first and then Tony could do whatever he wanted afterwards.
Right now, Stephen needed Tony Stark, Iron Man.
And Tony agreed.
The school, however didn’t.
Especially when the two didn’t turn up to their classes at all the next day because they’d actually found a few students selling the drugs.
They were meant to be teachers here, not Avengers.
And so they were told to leave.
Nick Fury wasn’t happy with them either.
He had given them this time off to stop kids from potentially overdosing, he had been all for it, amd the best guys he had on his team and blown it.
So he let them have some more time off as he gave the assignment to someone else.
It was during the next day as they were relaxing together that one of Tony’s bugs got a hit.
It was from the teacher Tony had taken over for, who was now back at the school.
Tony and Stephen jumped into action, racing to the school in hopes of catching this guy before he can do any more harm or get away.
They hadn’t expected him to have a gun, or to take Peter hostage.
Tony never thought clearly when it came to Peter’s safety, and even though his body was covered in armour, his head at that moment wasn’t.
Stephen knew exactly what was going to happen and quickly dived in front of him as the gun went off.
He could have just used his magic, but he never thought clearly when Tony was in danger.
That was how he got himself assigned as a teacher in the first place.
Tony was more than prepared to make this teacher a mere stain on the floor to be mopped up later, but the guy was clearly in over his head, dropping his weapon and letting Peter go when he saw just how many rockets and lasers were pointed in his direction.
With Peter safe and Stephen’s wound taken care of, Tony reassured him that he wasn’t going to become a teacher anytime soon.
He rather much liked being an Avenger with Stephen right beside him.
Where he belonged.
Quotes-
“His parents found him OD’d in his room a few days ago. He’s dead. Whatever he took, the lab has never seen it before. And as you can see, this kid is white. That means people actually give a shit.”
Fury telling Tony and Stephen what he knows about what’s going on at Peter’s school.
“Is that it? You’re not gonna scream at us?”
“Nope. I’m just gonna fire you.”
Nick Fury disappointed in Tony and Stephen
“I can’t believe you made me late! You’re so selfish!”
“I’m selfish?”
“Yes! You’re selfish!”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Look at yourself! You’re in too deep, man! Yesterday I found a college application on your desk!”
Tony and Stephen fighting about Tony’s new passion for teaching.
“I didn’t mean to shoot you! I meant to shoot him!”
“Are you alive, buddy? You okay? You took a bullet for me, man!”
“Yeah, I’m feeling a little ambivalent about that right now.”
Stephen taking a bullet for Tony just to prove to him he would.
On Our Off Days~
Tony and Stephen both go ‘undercover’ to stop a new drug from circulating outside of Peter’s school.
A bit hard when you’re both Avengers, and both in a secret relationship.
January, February
Missed a Day? Catch up here!
Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5
Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10
Day 11 Day 12 Day 13 Day 14 Day 15
Day 16 Day 17 Day 18
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I CANNOT believe I didn't think of that???? But I DID IT
Also, the reasons you didn't ask for:
Jack: Lawful Lee- hes so innocent and pure and still has the mind of a child. He doesn't understand the embarrassment that might come of just asking Cas, or Dean, to just wreck him cause he had a bad day. He has no reason to go it via retaliation (like some people *cough* Dean *cough* he just asks for it
Kevin: Neutral Lee- Kevin is the MOST embarrassed about being tickled, and will NEVER make a move to try to be on the receiving end. But when hes had a rough day with the tablets, or starts complaining a little too much, the brother feel they gotta take his mind off it. What better way than pinning him down and tickling the snot out of him. Kevin of course doesn't actually mind, and the boys know that, from the little to no heat his threats give off. But he'll never give them true verbal or physical verification.
Meg:chaotic Lee- ESPECIALLY in her later seasons when she decides to help the boys. A quick quip here, a jab at their egos there? A well placed death threat? And the boys and Cas are taking her down, just like she planned. (This ones a little shotty, I didn't really know who else would fit here, if you got ideas, lay em down!)
Cas:Lawful switch- I mean. Does this one really need an explanation? Yes? Well okay- much like his surrogate son, he's not overly shy about asking his boyfriend to be taken down. He does seek retaliation from Dean sometimes, but thats really just because he knows Dean likes that kind of play, and he's more than happy to endulge him. His ler side, is often kept for Dean (he will take down Sam or Charlie or Kevin when necessary, but only when necessary or asked). He's grown to learn Deans ticks and signs that he wants to be tickled. But being the good wholesome boyfriend that he is, always waits for those signs to show up cause he doesn't want Dean to ever be uncomfortable (although, he's kidding himself if he thinks Dean isn't always craving it, but thats beside the point)
Charlie: Neutral switch- Her ler side is more so quick jabs to sides, flutters of fingers up ribs, or spidering up spines. Enough to get a squirm and a gasp or giggle out of her assailant, but nothing more, unless of course the entirety of the bunkers residents are ganging up on Dean- then she'll join the antics, but otherwise likes to stay on the outskirts, and just tease everyone (shes a big reason why Dean gets into Lee moods a lot. You can't just give him a quick squeeze and move on! Thats like letting him have one bite of his burger and then taking it away!!). Her Lee side is also relatively secluded. When she's in a Lee mood, she focuses on one single assailant (usually Sam) to prod poke and flutter. They eventually get annoyed enough that they take her down, and reducer her to giggling mush. Her Lee moods are few and far between, so it took everyone in the bunker a while to figure it out
Dean: chaotic switch: the chaotic switch to rule all chaotic switches. When hes in a Lee mood, you'd better believe no one wants to be in the same room with him (and all have Cas on speed dial for this reason. Oh you thought it was cause he's an angel of the lord that could help with monsters? No, its to deal with a problematic Dean Winchester). He becomes /unbearably/ annoying until someone decides to FINALLY take him down. If he's been annoying enough, to enough people he'll earn himself a swarm of angry friends picking certain body parts to destroy, and it becomes a family affair. If Dean is in a ler mood, forget about not being in the same room. You should be in a different country yesterday. He is relentless, taking down anyone in arms reach. Even running after them down the hall, "you gotta keep your endurance up, what if I was a vampire Kevin, huh? You'd be DEAD". Cas is also usually called to clean up this mess. Although, if Cas in unavailable, a well placed threat about calling Gabriel usually gets him to mellow out until Cas can be his guinea pig (shameless throw out: petition for the boys to FINALLY get Cas a pet God damnit).
Sam: lawful ler- due to the years of torment he was subject to by his brother, he's not big on being on the receiving end, but that doesn't mean he's not afraid to dole it out. His "traumatic" memories leaves him being more empathetic to his victims, and only taking them down necessarily, or when they outright as for it, some actually asking, some... more around the bush (*cough* DEAN *cough*). He takes immense joy in tickling Charlie, because he knows he's the main person she goes to when she actually wants to be tickled. And he's always willing to lend that hand... or fingers.
Benny: neutal ler- you CANNOT tell me he did not take Dean down in purgatory at least once. And when he joins the family of the misfits, his first reaction is "why does everyone tickle eachother do damn much??" He finally realizes that its because their lives are so full of sorrow, death, destruction and overall sadness, its their way of brightening everyone's spirits when needed. Hes also realized its a common form of affection throughout the bunker. His first experience with it was Charlie goosing his side. He wasn't overly fond of the feeling, but was content with watching everyone take eachother down for a long time. It wasn't until a few months into living with everyone that Dean kept /pestering/ him nonstop for three days. It was Cas who eventually told him that Dean was trying to get him to tickle him. He obliged, somewhat hesitantly. He confront Dean about it afterwards, and Dean just blushed, and told him he wanted him to be part of the family, more than just a shadow around the bunker. After that, Benny started settling in a little better, and even joined in tickling others when he had the chance. The only one he allows to actually tickle him now is Charlie, anyone else will be tickled to hysterics immediately.
Gabriel: chaotic ler- Gabriel isn't around the bunker often. He'll show up for holidays, select birthdays, and hunts he's needed on. Otherwise hes pretty scarce, doing whatever gabriel/loki/trickster/whatever he is this Tuesday. Every once in a while he'll pop up on days other than those listed above. On the days he is around, everyone is always on high alert. Gabriel LOVES to mess with his new family, and his older brother complex trumps even Deans. And unlike Dean, no one sees Gabriel coming. He is not afraid to use his grace from the other side of the bunker, or pop up behind his unexpected victims to tickle them with his fingers and wings the old fashioned way. However... Gabriel is the most dangerous when summoned. Can you guess who's in the most danger? I'll give you a minute. Thats right, Dean freaking Winchester. And Gabriel does not like being prayed to on days he isn't planning on joining those in the bunker, and will surely dole out whats coming to to culprit of those forced to bring in backup (although, who is Gabriel kidding. If it got to the point they had to pray for him, he's really just feeding Dean what he wants)
Cliff notes: Dean is just a mess but everyone loves him
First of all, when did Tumblr let asks get this long? Not complaining – I just pride myself on keeping up on all the quirks here and this completely skipped my radar. It’s glorious.
I agree with so much of this, so hard, but I must acknowledge that the switch row is true Perfection. I’m with you on the chaotic lee conundrum, though - and the closest feasible replacement I can come up with is Garth. (Ideally, I’d still probably put him in neutral instead of chaotic, but whaddayagonnado.)
#ask#thatone.asexualgirl#headcanons#tickling#Supernatural#Jack Kline#Kevin Tran#Meg Masters#Castiel#Charlie Bradbury#Dean Winchester#Sam Winchester#Benny Lafitte#Gabriel#swift.fox
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DOQ Week PDA
Here’s my fic for DOQ Week - PDA. Rated M (very M, but it’s me, you expected that, right?). This can be enjoyed as a one shot, but is part of my Swingers verse fics, that you can find here.
@doqweek
It's been a few months since they'd visited Mal in LA, and an unusually long time since they engaged in their activities.
It had been merely a case of poor timing. First Robin got a promotion at work, one that came with a steep learning curve, and he was pulling long hours before everything clicked into place. By the time he did, Regina had come down with an awful case of strep throat. Then Regina's parents were in town, and they had that out of state wedding to attend…
So it's been awhile, and in addition to missing Mal, they miss the wilder aspects of their love life that she always seems to bring out.
As luck would have it, Mal had to unexpectedly work a benefit on the night they arrived. “It's fine, the event won't take all night. Meet me at Angels & Demons afterwards. I'll duck out as soon as I can,” she had promised, while speaking to both of them on the phone. She’d added a tiny quick little Miss you that hit Regina in the gut, and seems to have affected Robin in the same way.
There's never any discussion as to whether or not they will all end up in bed together. Mal’s never been much for pre-planned evenings. But Regina never considered finding a lifestyle club for the occasion, or trying to pick up a couple. She misses Mal terribly, all of her, and would wager Robin does as well, if the way he keeps glancing around the club looking for her is any indication.
“She could be late,” Regina says, when she sees him peruse around the room again. Mal had told them that she may have trouble getting out of this event, after all.
“Right,” Robin agrees. “Sorry I just... it's been awhile.”
“Excited?” Regina asks with a teasing smile. “What do you expect to happen tonight, Mr. Locksley?”
“Oh, don't play innocent, Mrs. Lockley.” He draws her in closer, ducking his head against the crook of her neck and breathing in deeply. “You’re wearing her favorite perfume.”
Regina chuckles lightly. She’s caught, and might as well admit it. “I hope she doesn’t bring anyone else.”
“Want her all to yourself then?” Robin asks. They are swaying lightly to the music now, hands looped around one another as they get closer.
“I don’t mind sharing,” she replies softly, leaning in to press a soft, open mouth kissed to his neck. He moans. “I just want to,” she scrapes her teeth lightly against the skin left damp from her kiss, “fuck her really hard.” She hears his sharp intake of breath, and she grins triumphantly. She loves how she can get him riled up. “And I don’t want to suffer through boring introductions.”
Both their phones buzz then. Regina raises an eyebrow. Robin laughs. He checks his phone and sure enough, it’s a text from Mal.
She’s sent a picture of herself. She’s in a gorgeous black dress with a deep vee that extends to her sternum, breasts lifted and separated and looking gorgeous. Her hair’s in curly tendrils framing her face, her mouth is open, with a finger on her lips and she looks... incredibly sensual, ravenous, and… aroused.
A text follows.
Stuck here a bit longer. Don’t have too much fun without me.
Regina traces a finger around the image on Robin’s phone. Mal’s tempting them, the picture is absolutely designed for that purpose. And it’s working. It already has her imagining dipping a hand underneath the low neckline, freeing her gorgeous tits, and devouring her whole. God, she can hardly wait. And of course, that was what Mal had wanted with that picture.
“She wants to tease us, fine, lets tease her back,” Regina says with a smile. She’s wearing a little silver dress, low cut and short.
She turns around and presses her back to Robin’s front.
“Touch me,” she begs, her phone out and camera on.
He does, one hand venturing underneath the hem of her dress just high enough to feel her panties, the other cupping a breast. Despite it just being a show, he really does go for it, his hands massaging her curves, nimble fingers making her pulse with need.
Regina snaps a picture.
It’s a very... attractive looking picture. A bit grainy and over developed, as is to be expected from the darkness of the club and shotty flash of the camera, but it’s flattering to her form, and Robin’s hands truly do look like they are in the middle of cupping and groping her.
She texts it to Mal with a message Had to start without you, hope you don’t mind.
That picture didn’t capture their faces, and she can tease Mal a bit more with one of those, so she spins in his arms, prepared to take a picture of them kissing or looking seductively into the camera.
She sees that look in Robin’s eyes, and it throws everything off. He's biting that lower lip, eyes half-open and dark. She knows that look.
“I think your plan has backfired,” he rasps into her ear. “Now I won't be able to wait.”
She wraps her arms around his neck and presses her forehead against his, one heeled foot drawing up his shins. “Mmm, yes you will,” she sighs, bringing her lips to his. It's a deep, passionate kiss, like the ones they share when foreplay has ended and sex has begun.
They continue to kiss, let hands wander as they halfheartedly move to the music. He's hard against her hip, and she feels slick between her thighs. God, maybe just a quickie somewhere to take the edge off would work, who knows when Mal will be back, and…
Her phone buzzes again and she knows who it is, so she breaks her embrace with Robin to fish her phone out of her clutch.
There’s a picture of her, and from the background it appears she’s in a powder room. A hand is up her dress, designed to look like she’s playing with herself.
Regina knows that Mal can’t, she won’t, she can’t take that sort of time away from her party, not when she’s on the clock, but god, does it ever look good.
You two are driving me crazy the text reads, and god, that’s hot.
Robin responds a quick Wish we were there with you. Did you get yourself off nice and good? Maybe we should catch up to you….
Regina hikes a leg up and wraps it around Robin’s waist as her hips rock against where he’s hard for her. He moans and grips at her thigh, using his other hand to palm at her ass. And then Regina smiles, holds up her phone and aims it at the mirrored wall near them.
She can’t use flash, not when she’s taking a picture of a reflection, so it’s a bit dark and blurry, but it seems to work, makes the picture of them, tangled limbs and wandering hands, all the more tantalizing. She sends the picture with a Hope you feel as good as I do.
A follow up text says, There was no time :( have too much work. I hope you two are happy. Now I’m sexually frustrated in a sea of old boring men and pretentious snobby women.
Regina grins mischievously. She’s winning, and she likes to win.
But then Mal adds, Regina, darling, you look good enough to eat. And I’m going to. Thoroughly. For hours if you let me. It’s been too long.
Fuck.
Robin’s reading the text too, and she hears his little desperate moan, so she writes back
Careful now, you’re going to make Robin cream his pants.
“Hey!” Robin says in jest when he reads her message. Regina just raises an eyebrow dubiously. “I’d say that’s going to be a team effort tonight.”
Mal writes them back, Tell him to hold back, I have plans for him tonight.
“Sounds like you'll be busy tonight,” Regina says, her hands dropping down to his crotch, stroking lightly through the fabric of his slacks. “Fuck, I wish her event would end already,” she sighs as she continues to rub him. She rasps in his ear “Can’t wait to feel you inside me while I’m eating her.”
“Mm, god yes,” Robin says, his expression going into a clenched wince. “I want to taste her on you, god I love watching you make her come—oh, babe,” he buckles, thrusting into her and erratically grabbing her hand to stop the movements, “Slow down, I— I have to be able to walk.”
Regina laughs, releasing her hold on his cock. She shifts into his arms, so she's flush against him, “But I want you,” she whispers, “right now.” She nips his ear and he groans. She can hear his resolve crumbling, and good.
“She'll be here soon,” he tries to argue, but Regina just pouts and lets out a whimpered But I need it now.
.::.
He can't help himself, his hand seems to move on it's own volition up her dress, peeling her soaking panties aside and sliding fingers through her folds. She slippery with arousal, and it coats his fingers in the best of ways. Her back arches almost pornographically, hips thrusting towards him.
“Make me come,” she whispers, adding, “fast, please…”
They are in public, it's a low lit corner of a club and there's loud music and plenty of dancing and drinking to distract the people within arm’s distance from noticing what is going on, but it's best not to draw this out. So he slides two fingers into her fast, at that angle,
and turns his body so his movements are at least somewhat blocked by the majority of the room.
“Oh, yes, just like that,” she whispers into his ear. One arm tightens its hold around his neck while the other hand gropes shamelessly at his ass. Her eyelids flutter, but she fights to keep them open, lips curving in amusement as she looks behind him to the sea of people so close to them.
“You like this, don't you?” Robin whispers in her ear, “Getting fucked by my hand in front of all these people?” She bites her lip and moans at that, hips thrusting into his palm.
“You're so wet darling. You need this, don't you?” She moans again, only this time it's a throaty little Uhh-huhhh and he feels her thighs tremble around him. “Needed it right here, where someone might see us, might be watching us—” and oh, that's getting her even more worked up, has her shutting her eyes tight and gasping, nails digging deeply into his skin. “Mm, I can't wait either, You look so beautiful like this, Mal may never forgive me for not waiting, but I need—”
“Fuck — Mm! — she's so hot tonight,” Regina rasps, “I want her — fuck that's good— so bad.”
“God, yes, I've been thinking about that all night,” he confesses, “you look so gorgeous tonight, thinking of you with her…” he pauses and lets his mind wander to them, both in those sinful dresses, bodies pressed against one another, kissing and touching the way they do. She's breathing heavy, little sighs of pleasure going straight to his cock, the faint sound of his hand smacking against her skin faintly audible over the loud music that surrounds them. “Fuck I'm not going to be able to wait to get you two home.” He groans, thinking of all the time it will take between right now and when his cock finally, finally will get attention, and it makes him ache all the more.
“Robin I’m—” he eyes shut tight, as she grabs tightly at his shoulder, and he feels her body sagging bit, starting to lose her ability to balance on heeled feet, and Robin urges her to lean against him. She lets out a sexy little whimper and claws at his back when he changes the angle just a bit. “Fuck, like that, don’t stop I’m...cl-close... I—”
She’s gorgeous every time she reaches her peak, and this time is certainly no exception. And the fact she’s coming for him now, in a crowd full of people makes his cock twitch and ache. Fuck, he wants her.
He feels her legs tremble and quake against him, feels her walls flutter and spasm against his fingers. She’s gasping, deep hot breaths blowing over his cheek as she lets go, her head tilted back far enough that he can almost see her, almost catch the way her eyes bat shut and her mouth parts to let the sounds of pleasure slip free.
After her high she falls back against him, wrapping both hands around his neck. She’s a bit limp in his arms, but it’s good, he likes that. Reminds him of how hard her made her come, of how good he made her feel.
“Feel better, darling?” he rasps into her ear. She chuckles in response, swatting his shoulder in jest.
“I feel amazing,” she says, extracting herself from his arms. She leans against the mirrored wall, and fuck if she isn’t a sight. Flushed and panting, face glistening just the faintest bit, looking well-fucked and damn happy about it.
Robin smiles devilishly at her, presses a kiss to her lips, and says, “Good.”
And then he takes out his phone and snaps a picture of her. With flash. It’s blurry, and the flash catches the reflection of the mirror, but it still manages to catch her, to catch the blissful way she looks right now. And then he types. Regina couldn’t wait, it seems.
When her phone buzzes to alert her to the message he’s just sent, she shoots a skeptical look before reaching into her clutch and checking her phone.
“You little snitch!” She says in mock anger, unable to hide her laughter.
He holds up his hands in surrender before leaning in to whisper in her ear, “You had me so close to coming in my pants that I need to do whatever necessary to cool down. Understand?”
It’s no longer funny, when he pulls away he sees how her expression has darkened, biting her lip in just that way.
She grabs his cock through his slacks, cupping his throbbing erection and stroking it. The feeling of finally being touched after so long has him thrusting into her palm and moaning like a reflex, it feels so bloody good, would feel so bloody good to come.
“Fuck, Regina, you should stop,” he rasps, and god, he does not want her to stop, and it takes every ounce of resolve he has to force those words out.
Regina raises and eyebrow, continuing the gentle strokes and biting, “You don't want me to stop.”
He groans as her hand bunches and twists through fabric to give him a firm strokes, his cock is aching now, he's quickly reaching the point of no return, and shit. “Of course I — oh fuck — of course I don't want you to stop, but I want to save it, darling, we have a long night ahead of us.”
She stops then, and he feels the cold loss of her touch immediately. It's gone on too long, and that prickly ache spiders up and envelopes him and shit.
He whimpers, then bites his lip hard and tries to focus on the pain of teeth sinking into flesh instead of the growing, swollen ache in his pants.
Regina shoots him this innocent, confused look, as if she doesn’t know what is going on. “Hate you,” he breathes, but she just laughs, leans into his ear and says Soon.
She writes a text to Mal, a simple We need you. Miss you terribly.
And she responds, Need you both. You’ve no idea how badly I need to come.
“Fuck,” Robin says, putting his phone away, “that’s enough, I’m not reading anymore.”
Regina laughs lightly (it’s not funny) and wraps her arms around him. “Sorry,” she offers. She’s not sorry, he can see it in her sweet smile, but it’s okay, she’ll make it up to him.
“Five minutes,” he warns, moving in rhythm to the music, hands on her hips, trying to ignore the pain between his legs. “In five minutes we’re going to find a bathroom, and I’m going to fuck the life out of you, I can’t wait anymore. You look too good.” He gropes at her ass and lets out a deep breath. “Feel bloody amazing, too.”
“So do you,” a sultry voice coos behind his ear as a hand slides into his back pocket, and thank fucking god.
He turns around and finds Mal looking like pure sex, lips painted bright red, dress revealing a criminal amount of cleavae. She looks about as desperate as he does. Those red lips crash into him, arms wrapping around his neck as his fly to her ass to scoop her up in her arms. She goes willingly into the lift, a soft sound of surprise momentarily splitting the kiss before she falls back into it, her tongue sliding into his passionately and firmly.
God, she’s amazing.
“Thought of you all day,” Mal finally says when she can talk. She glances back to Regina with a look of admonishment. “Couldn’t wait for me?” she says with a smile.
“I’m impatient,” Regina replies.
“So am I,” Robin groans, “let’s go.”
Mal looks around the club skeptically. “I’ve been wanting you to fuck me up against this mirror since you two started taking pictures,” she whispers.
It’s dark in the club. It’s crowded, which, instead of being a bad thing, actually works to their advantage. There’s a lot of people dancing, grinding against one another, in their own little world, wrapped up in their own conversations.
They could maybe… maybe…
And if someone saw, what would they say?
There’s not a bouncer nearby, and shit, would he ever be quick.
Robin swallows hard and nods. “Fuck it. At this point I don’t even care, you two have been teasing me all day.”
Mal grabs his hand and guides it under her dress.
She’s not wearing any panties, and she’s slick, wet, and hot.
“Christ,” he breathes.
“You’ve been teasing me all day, too,” she reminds. And then she looks at Regina and cranes her neck to lean in and kiss her. “Missed you too, you naughty girl. Coming too soon. Now we have to catch up.”
Regina chuckles, and Robin watches for any signs of discomfort, or jealousy (there never is, never has been, but he isn’t quite at the point where these worries have entirely left his mind).
“Give me a show,” she mutters to both of them.
Mal hikes a bended knee against his hip, and fumbles between them to unzip his trousers. She grabs him with one warm hand, and the feeling of her firm touch around his aching cock is enough to have him moaning already.
He fights back a bit, sliding two fingers inside her. There’s nearly no resistance, she’s so damn wet, more than ready for him, and hopefully fucking close, because they don’t have much time to be fucking in the middle of a crowded club and he doesn’t have the strength to hold back much anyway.
“Please,” Mal moans, arching into his touch, and that’s all it takes. He feels Regina lean in to kiss him softly, before she takes her place next to both of them. She’s sort of blocking the view of people on the right from seeing what is going on, and it still leaves a free and clear view from people on the left, but frankly he doesn’t care.
He definitely doesn’t care as he slides into Mal’s wet, soft, velvety sex, feeling her walls clamp around him, all warm and soaking and the perfect balm to his aching cock.
He moans, but the sound Mal makes is pure heaven, something between relieved and desperate, her head throwing back, curls bouncing and tumbling over her face as she does. He holds onto her waist tighter, lets her lean back, and god, her tits look amazing like this.
“Fuck me,” she begs. And right, he hasn’t really been moving, but that’s only because he’s not entirely sure he can move.
“I won’t last long enough, I, sorry…”
“Fuck me hard, I don’t care, just—”
It’s all the permission he needs. He keeps one hand at her back (Mal needs the support, she comes hard, and with her whole body - it’s beautiful and he hopes he gets to see it now, though it seems unlikely with how far gone he is) and moves his other hand to her hiked leg, urging her to wrap around him harder.
And then he starts thrusting. He isn’t far gone enough to see her squirm and wince, and he knows the angle isn’t quite right, so he slows, lets her adjust, and move her leg up a bit as he bends his knees a little. He gives it a test thrust after they finish maneuvering, and the way her eyes flutter shut as a slow little Ffucckkkkkk that falls from her lips is all the indication he needs to keep going.
“God, you look sexy tonight,” he rasps, “bet everyone at your event wanted to fuck you.”
Mal squirms and Mms, and thank Christ she’s almost as far gone as he is. “I had a few propositions,” she admits in that terribly breathy voice he loves. “Not interested, too busy thinking about your cock.”
Fuck, she should not say things like that, not when he’s this close, not when his balls are literally aching for release.
“Thinking about you fucking me hard, just like this,” she moans again,”and coming on you, right here…”
No, she needs to stop, or that will never happen.
“You two look beautiful,” Regina says, tilting her head to grab a kiss from Mal. They kiss for a while, her hips still bucking against his, and the sight of her, the breathy little gasps she makes between kisses, combined with how tight and wet and warm she is, how every few passes into her he feels her flutter around him, it’s too much, it’s all too much.
“Mal, I gotta-- I’m—”
“Come inside me,” she breathes, “Come on, Robin, I wanna feel you—”
He has every intention of fighting back, but he’s too far gone, too mesmerized by the way she looks and sounds and feels, the way Regina is looking at them, the way her hands rub up and down his arms while she kisses the woman he’s currently inside of. It’s everything all at once, and he can’t settle, can’t stop himself from sinking into the pleasure and drowning in it, he's pulled in hard and fast, cursing and holding onto her tight as he finally — finally — comes. It’s sweet relief, the pressure built up over the last hour deflates, and he can hear Regina and Mal urging him on, exchanging sultry-voiced compliments and words of affection, about how hard and thick he feels, how good he looks, how they can’t wait to fuck him again.
He’s able to focus as the last of his orgasm leaves him, to see the way Mal’s smiling at him as she continues to ride him out. He feels a comforting hand rub his back, and turns to see Regina, smiling at him.
God, they are beautiful.
He stays in her until he’s limp, withdraws from her warmth (hears Mal groan as he does) and then he’s zipping and buttoning up his trousers quickly, shocked he got away with the whole damn thing. He takes in a few deep breaths while he settles himself, the reality of how fast he just came washing over him. Shit.
“Sorry,” he mutters. He can't shake feeling a little guilt of having failed her, even if she spurred him on and encouraged him to do so, even if they all well know that he'll be ready to go again as soon as they get home (next time, hopefully for much longer).
But Mal doesn’t look at all bothered. She’s trading kisses with Regina, who already has a hand up her dress.
“Don’t be sorry,” Mal breathes. “It was --fuck, Regina! — good, so good!”
She’s pressed against the mirror, and Regina is… aggressive. He assumes they must have made quite the sight, as desperate and riled up as they were. And it seems to have affected his wife, who is kissing Mal like there’s no tomorrow, and from what he can see, she’s working her hand in quick, firm movements that will no doubt cause her to cramp up after a bit.
He moves behind her, palms at Regina’s ass and draws soothing strokes up and down her side with his other arm, dipping down to kiss the sweat sheened skin of her neck. Regina breaks the kiss with Mal to turn to Robin and kiss him now. He loves that, the way they so naturally fit.
“Missed you,” he hears Regina murmur into Mal’s ear, “You feel so good. Love watching you with him.”
“God, I love you,” Robin says to the both of them. He and Mal don't say that, but there's something there, there has been for sometime, it's not just about their mutual love for Regina anymore (and Mal does love her, he can tell). They say nothing, Regina turning her neck as best she can, grabbing an angle to kiss him, Mal reaching around Regina to rub his arm affectionately.
Mal is being seen to by Regina, little gasps and sighs tell him she's close. So he focuses his efforts on his wife, runs a hand through her hair and plants sucking kisses on her neck and shoulders, murmuring words of encouragement about how good they look together, how close Mal is, how much he loves watching her.
Regina responds with a little moan and he feels her ass rubbing against his crotch. He’s not hard yet (it’ll take a bit longer than this), but he knows her well enough to know that she already wants to come. She wants it again, and who could blame her? Fuck, they need to get out of this club as soon as possible.
“You two looked so good together,” Regina sighs into Mal’s neck, before kissing the flesh there. “Love seeing you make him come.” Mal nods, lets out a little whimper, that breathy little sound that always means she’s on edge.
“I want to watch you come on his cock tonight. When we’re alone, and have more time. Do you want that?”
“God yes,” Mal says, “been thinking about it --mm! — all day. And you, the way you feel, the way you taste…”
He recognizes it the second it happens, when her back arches violently back, head slams into the mirrored wall behind her, and he reaches from behind Regina to steady Mal as she comes. Regina’s movements slow, helping Mal ride it out, kissing around her jawline and whispering something he can’t quite hear.
“Gorgeous,” he whispers as the last of the orgasm leaves her.
The three of them are all smushed together, they must look quite a sight, and now that the excitement has left him, the need to come and to watch them come, he has the slightest flicker of worry about what others near him may have seen.
It leaves quickly. He doesn’t care. Who cares what a bunch of strangers think anyway?
Regina extracts herself from between them, holding a sticky hand precariously in the air, with a cute smile on her face.
“I’m uhhh... this is from both of you,” she reminds, and it’s only then he remembers, yes, he did come inside Mal and that did make things a bit messy. “I’m going to go to a restroom and... clean up.
“I’ll join you,” Mal offers. But Regina shakes her head. “Keep him company. I’ll be right back. And we can get going. She gives a quick peck to them both and trots off, no jealousy, no concern of leaving Mal and her afterglow alone with her husband.
He loves that about her.
Mal is still leaning against the wall behind them. She raises her arm and grabs his shirt, pulling him closer and giving him that cat-ate-the-canary look she often does after she’s been well-fucked.
“Usually when I get excited about this it’s to see Regina,” Mal admits, and that’s not a surprise. He knows she cares for him as well, but Regina is special to her in a way he doesn’t quite match. “This time though... I kept thinking about fucking you. As much as I thought about her.”
And that’s a surprise. A bit shocking, not because she feels it but because she went as far as to admit to it.
“Well if it helps, this is all I’ve been thinking about for the past few days,” he admits, and she chuckles. “I mean, all three of us, of course. But I like this, with you.”
She leans in and presses a kiss to his mouth that’s gentle and sweet. It’s a side of Mal the world doesn’t get to see, but he does, and he loves it. He loves the big goofy smile she has, the way she leans into his embrace, and flirts with him like a giddy teen.
“Can’t wait to get you two home,” Robin says, and he kisses her, a bit more heated, with tongue. She responds to the kiss, a hand swooping around his neck to kiss him back a bit more firmly.
“ROBIN?”
It’s hard to hear over the loud music, but he could swear he recognized the voice of the person calling his name. But it can’t be, she’s back in Boston, and he’s here in Los Angeles, and —
He turns around to see a completely shocked Mary Margaret with an entirely embarrassed David.
“What are you two— why are you not in Boston?”
“We went on a trip to Disneyland, god, Robin, how could you? And with MALLORY? Mallory, I—”
“This isn’t our business, Mary Margaret,” David interrupts. He won’t meet Robin’s eyes (the coward) but at least he has the good sense to know he should step out.
Mal’s absolutely no help. Her eyes are wildly amused, and all she offers is a giggling fit.
“How did you even find me?” Robin asks incredulously. His brain is swimming. He knows that Regina wishes to keep this aspect of her life private from Mary Margaret, the damned woman would judge the hell out of them for their marital relationship, but he’s going to have to tell her the truth soon enough, because he will not have her thinking he’s a cheater.
“Robin you posted that you checked into this club on like, every form of social media you have,” Mary Margaret says, pulling up her phone.
His stupid, god damned new phone from his stupid, god damned new job. He has no idea what setting it has, but it has really screwed him this time.
“We were going to surprise you, but CLEARLY you are the one surprising us. And you better prepare yourselves, if we found you, Regina can find you, and she could show up at anytime….” Mary Margaret continues to babble while Robin searches for something to say to end this mess of a misunderstanding, and all he can think to do is bite his lip to keep from laughing.
It’s either great timing or terrible timing when Regina, completely oblivious to the people behind Robin, returns from the bathroom.
“Come here, gorgeous,” she says, grabbing Mal’s hand (Mal gives it to her willingly, completely tickled pink by this turn of events). Regina pulls her into a deep, passionate kiss before Mary Margaret can think enough to speak.
“R-R-Regina?”
“Not our business.” David reiterates. “Sorry, we’ve had a long day. We’re going to go back to the hotel now, this is…”
“But you’re married!” Mary Margaret protests. “What is… what…” She looks appalled, she looks angry, and maybe… is she jealous? He thinks of the past interactions he’s seen between Mary Margaret and Regina. How she always seems to look up to the woman, how she sometimes seems desperate to make her proud, and yes, maybe. Maybe she is a bit envious of Mal, here.
“We enjoy the company of others in our bedroom,” Regina winks at her. “You and David should try it.” She searches for David’s eyes. He avoids her, before finally relenting and looking up at her. “I think he might like it.”
Mal bursts out in laughter, and Robin cannot help but smile at the look of absolute horror on Mary Margaret’s face.
“I don’t understand…” she says, and she’s more shocked, less angry now.
“And you never will,” Mal says. “Now if you’ll excuse me, we’re all going to go home with one another. Pleasure seeing you both. Next time you visit Disneyland, give me a call, okay? We could... have fun together. Hop on some rides….”
“Mal,” Robin warns, but he can hear how his warning is too colored by his amusement. They are all enjoying corrupting Mary Margaret far too much. “I know how this looks, Mary, but this is for all of us. It’s not… no one is cheating. No one is being selfish.”
“He’s right,” Mal says, smiling. “It’s okay, Mary Margaret. We care about one another.”
“I’m happy,” Regina offers.
Robin sees the way Mary Margaret’s face changes, as if she’s gone through the stages of grief and has finally gotten to acceptance.
“I’ll, uh, I’ll see you guys back in Boston.” Mary Margaret says just above a whisper.
Mal grabs both their hands, and pulls them off, Robin and Regina muttering goodbyes and promises to call when they are back in town.
As they get into an uber, Mal laments, “If that little princess killed the mood, I may have to end her.”
Robin shakes his head, looking obviously up and down at Mal, and then Regina. “I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to kill the mood tonight,” he promises, kissing Mal sweetly on the lips. “We’ve missed you too much.”
“Good,” Mal says, looking them over. Her expression changes to one that is very unlike her, all sweet and vulnerable and sentimental.
“I missed you both, too.”
It's times like these where Robin curses the distance between them, wishing Mal was closer, and they could see each other all the time. And then he wonders what that means, how this unconventional relationship has evolved into something more, something with passion and heat but also feelings. He tries not to think about it too hard, and enjoy the way things are, right now.
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Friday, 2nd December
Time: 21:35
-╳- I just had this thing again, which has happened on and off since I was 17 where… I’ll just randomly stare for a few moments at nothing in particular; my vision will blur and I just don’t think about anything until I kind of suddenly realize what I’m doing and then make to make the full on conscious decision to pull my gaze away. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes its much harder to do and it takes like, so much effort to do anything about it. Afterwards… I just end up feeling really weird and really very distance, like… out of it. Apparently, it’s a type of disassociation. Just what I need. I know like… getting names for certain things is a good thing, because it means you can prepare and do like, a damage reducing thing… learn to cope but… I dunno - I just feel really labelled. I have health Anxiety, too - I have shotty lymph nodes, which basically just means they never went down after infection and I’ve had them all checked several times and there is nothing wrong with them… but every now and then I become obsessed with them and convince myself I have lymphoma and honestly, it completely throws me off for weeks at a time. I will literally obsess and obsess until I make myself sleepless and vomit from anxiety. Any small thing, I automatically think the worst. I think it stems from my mom, because she would always panic when I got ill - well, she used to pretend to panic to get attention and reassurance from other people. I had flu once and she got me rushed into A&E because she was telling other people she thought I had meningitis. Then when I actually had meningitis, she didn’t visit me once in the hospital. Anyway - something else that has been bothering me is like… I don’t wanna call it an hallucination because that makes me sound like a right nutcase… but I keep looking up towards my bedroom door absolutely convinced someone just walked in… when they haven’t. And also, since I sit on my bed when I’m online, I keep thinking I see my cats walking past the bed through the corners of my eyes… but they’ll actually be on the other side of the house. And I dunno, it’s kind of concerning. I mean, I’m a sodding mess tonight. I can’t sleep, I can’t settle properly… I can’t concentrate - I’ve somehow managed to convince myself I have Lymphoma again, even though I know I don’t. Like, I know its all bollocks, I know its all not real… As far as the hallucination things go, and the illnesses I know I don’t have. Like, why are you doing this to me brain? You were more clever than that, once.
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Sat April 22 2017 (936pm)
As we were rolling around town with Dre, Jackie and Nick B.. as usual, I played dj while riding shotty as MyDude drove. After a while, Nick asked to hear a specific song from the backseat. When my previously playing song finished up I totally spaced out on his request and went ahead playing another jam. As my next song began, I realized my error and told Nick that I'd set his request up to be played next and went ahead n did so as I told him I would. That's when MyDude interupted and asked for his cell back. I replied to him that we were listening to music with it via YouTube, meaning that if he did anything else with his cell, it would ultimately stop the music for all of us and I went ahead n handed him his cell as I explained this all to him. He replied back that he wanted to play a song too so he went ahead n kept Nick's song playing and set up his choice to play next up. As Nick's song ended MyDude's began. My heart almost immediately dropped right down into the depths of my gut as the lyrics to MyDude's choice straight slapped me in my face over n over again, having never heard the song before, and right in front of everyone else in the car with us all day. My face got flushed and oh so hot pretty much immediately. I tried to keep my cool even as the lyrics just kept on punching me hard, right in the gut.. again and again, like, never letting up even a little bit. Nuh uh. It was a crucial n brutal.. I just felt horendously beat down before it even finally came to an end. We didn't even end up talking about it at all for a day or more afterwards actually, cuz we are always with people n shit.. n then we both definitely needed to rest up a bit before doing much of anything really. So then a ways into our total hybernation bit we began cuddling up to one another n talking a bit which is when it all came rushing back to me n hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't even get a few words into bringing it up to him without just crumbling into uncontrollable sobbing n big fat crocodile tears. He says that he felt that I was guilty of doing the same thing to him first but I can totally swear on everything that while ihave done so before that's absolutely not what I was doing to him at that time in particular but remembering the songs that had been played def made me understand a bit more but still, I can't say that all is okay between us about this one. He may have very well felt the need to defend himself and whatever but this one was just a little too below the belt! This one is just a little too real and deeply fucked up to just simply say that when it's not even true n just get away with it, nah...No mean, he sure as hell knows what he did and exactly why it's as wrong as it is and why it's as painful for me as it is. I mean, he just knows! Point-blank period. I'm still extremely upset n feeling betrayed beyond words cuz of it. That's all I'm guna say today. N I'ma attach the lyrics to his song choice with this entry. XOXOXOX You Are Not The One By: The Grouch Well y'know.. maybe if you didn't have them four kids.. And that crazy husband.. Oh, I know -- you could drop that habit I can't really look past them things, no I can't I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk I like the clothes you wear, I suppose you rare But, you're not the one.. No you're not the one I like the style you have, I like your smile - you bad I wanna make you laugh, don't wanna see you sad But, you're not the one.. You're not the one, girl.. This world I know it's, mine, yo sho' is, fine I could never intertwine my lifeline with yours though Whores know, course so gullible, Evian backwards Baby I'm slack you're tight Just perfect for the night, I wanna work it somethin right Humpin - hype off the vibe you set, but don't know why I slept On the importance of your sense The better that she looks, seems to mean the more dense I took my chances, decided off of glances Had to write it off, enhance it with imagination If only she was like this, homey she'd be right it's Never quite that easy, forever fight them sleazy thoughts Have me caught up in the wrong cot, fuckin with the longshot I couldn't find the hole - nope.. And that's how it went down y'all Real quick, just like that I like your mind at work, I couldn't buy that dirt I shouldn't want too much, a little balance don't hurt though You're not the one.. No you're not the one I couldn't do you wrong, I probably knew you long I got a lot, to learn, and a notch, to earn You're not the one.. No you're not the one, miss (miss).. I woulda done dissed a dumb bitch I know you well should we tongue kiss Maybe even more baby, we explore Wouldn't say that you were ugly, fat, or any of that But many a rap I wrote got me feelin like a King Choosy I sing uzi sounds; that means you're shot down (brrrrrrrrrrap) Try and do it nicely, you don't really entice me I want a spicy wifey, whose mind precisely Matches the physical visible to my eyes is pricey I pay the cost, you play the boss but Really I'm in control silly, still we roll But you're not the mate for my soul Ain't got the bait for my pole Wait, can you relate? There's no negotiating And most be waiting for a Charming Prince And since I'm not that, it comes alarming .. {*alarm clock beeps*} Yo I be taking em by surprise HEY, wake up girl! You gotta go to work! I like the days we spent, I like the way things went Don't wanna not be friends, we can talk, pretend But you're not the one.. No you're not the one I like your mind and soul, I like her body - she's cold I wish that I could roll, with a female who's whole But you're not the one.. No you're not the one You're not the one You're not the one You're not the one Nope, no you ain't, sorry I ain't got it, I wish I did but I don't I want to say it, but I won't What I have, what I want: Females, cars (I wish) clothes, jewels, gold A house on the hill Give me all that shit, wrap it up, I'll take it
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