#and then i immediately told a friend that he was loved and everything

[strwbrrykthv]

you and katsuki who arent just friends. theres always prolonged eye contact and not so subtle touches. youre drawn to him at outings and hes drawn to you.

if youre not sitting in his lap at a party or bar youre right beside him and his hand is on you. it could be his hand on your thigh, your back, or sitting beside you just barely touching you with his finger tips. and if youre not within arms distance you never get out of his sight.

everyone in your friend group knows that you both are made for each other and constantly pick on him.

“bro if you dont make a move i might have to step up.” denki grins at katsuki as hes sitting in the booth watching you talk with mina at the bar.

“ha, id like to see you try”

denki perks up, slipping out of the booth and sauntering over to you and mina at the bar, “uh mina will you excuse us for a second i need to talk with this fine lady right here” your eyes immediately dart to katsukis as he lets out a huff of laughter at your reaction.

he finds it humorous that denki thinks any of his flirting will land with you. he hears denki call you the pet names katsuki himself calls you and watches as every time your eyes dart back to him saying so many unspoken words such as “did he just call me mama???” and “are you really just gunna sit there and let this happen?”

mina slips in the booth opposite katsuki and chuckles at him watching you with a smile, “you think you would be angry watching a guy try to flirt with your ‘not’ girl” using air quotes to mock him, “not enjoying it and even smiling.”

“well when she looks for me after every sentence its kinda hard to think she’s being moved by his useless flirting” he scoffs as you look over at him with another plea in your eyes.

he sighs sliding out of his side of the booth and making his way towards you. “denks, listen. im totally flattered, like, so much, but… uh..-“

“shes not interested.” katsuki says with a small smirk looping his arm around your waist as you instinctively lean into him. you hook a finger into his nearest belt loop to hold him near.

“oh,” denki raises both hands defensively looking back and forth between the two of you. “hey man, look. i get it, totally. ill leave you two alone. dont kill me,” he says with a grin sending katsuki a not so subtle wink.

katsuki lets out a small laugh through his nose “mhmm, now why dont you go flirt with ears instead.” denki immediately stiffens, nodding his head before spinning around and speed walking to jiriou.

katsuki spins you to face him, moving his hand from your hip to your back, your finger still hooked into his belt loop. “tell me everything he told you. if he said something nasty ill kill him.”

you laugh looking into his eyes. you would think that they would be full of jealousy and harshness after watching a man flirt with the girl hes in love with, but his eyes were soft around the edges shimmering in the low light of the bar.

“oh you know, just the usual ‘im a pro hero, i can take good care of you, mama’, but i dont know why he called me mama. you only call me mama when youre tipsy and by then hes close to being blacked out” you ramble.

katsuki lowers his head to rest his forehead on your shoulder so that he can have his full attention on your voice traveling into his good ear. he loves the way you recite the whole exchange. the whole exchange between you and denki only about three minutes but dang can that guy talk.

“-and thats when you came over and rescued me” you say as katsuki raises his head.

“i saw a pretty mama in destress and couldnt help myself” he chuckles as you tilt your head so you can side eye him. a small commotion at the booth he was once sitting at draws both of your attention as denki yells across the bar to both of you, “hey! were going out to karaoke now, sero thinks he can beat me. yall wanna come?”

before katsuki can even roll his eyes and decline his offer youre pulling him by his belt loop to the group, “sure! i can whoop some tail in karaoke. whaddaya think katsu?”

“i think im too sober for this” he grumbles as the group exits the bar to head to karaoke with you and him in the back, your finger in his belt loop and his hand slung across your shoulders.

i had an idea for karaoke bkg but had to lead up to it first. this is my first time with writing convos and not just whats going on lol. lmk what you guys think!!

[rensukepie]

𐚁๋࣭⭑ “you say it’s big, but you take it.” ┈─★ n. s

contains : virginity loss, big d!ck nagi :3, size difference, slight tummy bulge, praise, he’s talking you through it A LOTTT, nagi teaches reader how to give a blowjob ^___^!, pussay eating, established relationship, nagi jerking off to you ^3^, pull out, this one’s a little longer than my other works!!, aftercare, dumbification(?), kinda possessive nagi if you squint

you’re scared of losing your virginity, you really are. that is, until you ask nagi to take it from you.

character is aged up!

mdni!!!!! (minors do NOT interact)

a/n : ty @kittenish0 for requesting some nagi smut! happy new years to you as well! i’ve wanted to write him for a while now :3

nsfw under the cut

he was surprised to find out you were a virgin early on in the relationship.

“how could someone so pretty like her be a virgin?” he thought to himself frequently. you were so, so pretty to him.

you were glad that he wasn’t pushing you to have sex like the other people before. he’s so gentle, so patient with you. you wonder how someone like him can handle someone like you—behavior wise.

every time you two kiss, you always have to pull away before it gets too heated. you’re scared of having sex, you really, really are, but you’ve always considered nagi to be the one to take your virginity away from you.

“m’sorry sei…. not ready yet…” you say, face buried into his shoulder along with your arms hung around them.

“it’s okay baby… when you’re ready, you’re ready, right? doesn’t have to be immediately…” he reassures, kissing your cheek.

…. ┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

it got him so, so fucking hard when you told him that you’re a virgin. the thoughts rushing to his head on how he can teach you how to take his dick, the pretty sounds you’d make, the possible bulge his cock can (will) show in your stomach, everything is rushing to his head.

so after that little restaurant date between the two of you, he goes back home to his apartment and jerks his cock off to every single thought about you, pretending his fist is your pretty, wet cunt taking all of him.

“fffuck— baby… gonna make me cum.. so tight…”

…. ┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

it’s been a couple of months since the two of you got together. you’ve done so many things together and your friends and his friends combined both think you two are cute together.

you figured it was about time to have sex at this point, so you decide to make your move tonight, but how? you’ve never done something like this before, nor ever felt this way for someone ever.

“you ready for our movie night date? :x”

“mhm! coming over right now sei!”

“can’t wait to see you angel, really missed you”

for some reason, that text he sent made your face so red and flushed! anticipation, maybe?

…. ┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

you’re currently on his bed, blanket on both of your laps, head on his shoulder as you two watch the movie you both agreed on.

“sei… can i tell you something?”

“hm? go ahead.” he says, reaching for the remote to pause the movie.

“i wanna try it…. want you to be my first time sei…i’ve been thinking about it all week…” you say while grabbing his arm, face flushed in a shade of red.

“are you sure, baby? this is so sudden… don’t wanna hurt you or anything..”

“im sure sei… think m’ready…” you say in that sweet, sweet tone you always have, the one that he hears every time you speak to him.

…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

“gonna take it slow for you, ‘kay?” he whispers in your ear, his body hovering over yours on the bed with his knee in between your thigh before kissing your soft, pretty lips, your arms over his shoulders with his hands at your waist.

“s—seishiro…. mm…” you whimper into the kiss as he brushes his knee slightly against your clothed cunt.

“hm? feels good?” he teases, breaking the kiss to start kissing all over your neck and down.

you love the way his lips feel on your body. the way he asks you if it feels good—it’s all too much! and he knows that it’s too much for you with the way your already whimpering on the fact that he’s getting closer to your pretty pussy.

“you’re so pretty… can kiss your body forever, angel.” he murmurs, placing kisses on your inner thighs before he places a kiss right on your cunt that’s still clothed in a pair of lacy panties. “fuck—these are so cute on you, baby…”

he plays with your sensitive bud with his fingers through the wet—soiled fabric, but not for long before he’s asking to take off your panties.

“gonna take these off of you now, that okay with you, pretty?”

“mhm… go ahead sei… please…” you plead desperately to the point where it’s almost embarrassing.

“mm— that’s a good girl..” he says as he takes off your panties slowly, kissing your pussy once more before licking the slit with his skilled tongue along with sucking your sensitive bud. “does it feel good, hm?”

“seishiro—! mmf… fffuckk—!” you moan at the new feeling, gripping at his soft white hair. if you knew it felt so good, you would’ve told him to do this sooner!

you swear that he’s humming into your cunt on purpose to make you squirm around him! he’s moaning saying how good you taste and fuck— it’s having an effect on you. you can feel that your about to cum despite the fact that you don’t even know how it feels to do so.

“s—sei… i think m’gonna cum soon… haah…—“

“yeah? you feel it, angel? cum for me… you’re doing so well.”

you swear that you could see literal stars as your orgasm washed over you. little whimpers of “m’cumming sei… mmf…!” coming out of your mouth.

“mm.. thats it, sweet girl… feel good?”

…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

“gonna teach you how to suck my dick now, yeah?” he whispers, kissing your neck before he takes off his sweatpants and boxers, his rock hard cock on display for you.

he knows that his cock isn’t the average size. it’s thick with pre all over his pink tip and it has a little prominent vein and holy shit—it’s making you so wet!

“seishiro… it’s s’big… don’t think i can take all of it…” you say, looking at it with big, curious eyes.

“s’okay baby… don’t need to take all of it..” he says, thumb rubbing your face.

…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

“focus on the tip… ‘s sensitive there…” he says, your lips and tongue on his tip tasting his pre. “ahh—shit…! you’re doing so well, angel. so good f’me…” he moans, his hand on your head. “you think you can take a bit more of me, hm? just a little more down?”

“m—mhm… i wanna try it… want to make you feel good too, sei..”

fuck.

it takes everything in him to not plow his big cock into your insides and completely ruin you. but of course, he holds back, it is your first time after all. he doesn’t wanna ruin his pretty girl juuust yet!

“mmf… you’re such a sweet girl, so perfect..” he smiles, thumb rubbing your face once more.

…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

“spit on your palm f’me… that way, you can move your fist up and down for the part that you can’t take, ‘kay?”

you spit onto your palm, globs of it falling down. you begin to suck him once more, taking more of his cock into your mouth this time.

he doesn’t expect you to take all of him into his mouth, especially since it’s your first time, but again, it really, really takes everything inside of him to not grip your hair and bob your head up and down on his cock.

you’re doing a lot more then he expected from a virgin. you’ve taken a good amount of him inside of your mouth, using your spit covered fist to jerk off the rest of his cock that couldn’t fit in your mouth.

“fuck—are you sure you’re a virgin, baby? you’re so good at this…haah—such a fast learner, aren’t you?” whimpers coming out of his mouth, the familiar feeling of cumming soon rushing over his body.

“gonna cum soon, angel… ohh shitt—… take it baby, take all of my cum in your mouth… that’s it…”

…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

“tell me when you’re ready, okay? gonna take it nice and slow f’you, sweet girl.” he responds, looking at you from underneath, his cock in his hand.

“m—mhm… think m’ready now… you got me so wet sei…”

“she’s so cute when she gets like this…” he thinks, moving his cock back and forth on your folds and slapping his cock onto your clit, teasing you so that he can hear your pretty, soft moans.

“mmf—! stop teasing me seishiro… please…” you pout for a little bit, finally feeling his cock stretch you out for the first time. it burns, but the feeling begins to turn into pleasure.

“fuck, you feel so good, baby…” he murmurs into your neck, thrusting his big cock inside of you slowly. “you alright? does it feel good, hm? want your first time to be perfect..”

“ahh..! s—sei! you’re too big—haah… can feel your cock in my stomach…” you whimper, pulling his hand to the bulge in your stomach that shows each time he thrusts deep inside. “feels sooo good, baby… love your cock so much… mmf—!”

“yeah? you like it, huh? only my cock can make you like this, sweet girl…” he knows you’ve gone dumb on his cock already! only babbling words out of your mouth from what you can hear from your knowledge.

“m—mhm you’re the only one seishiro….gonna cum again soon…” you start rubbing your clit with your fingers, your cunt squeezing itself on his cock as you get closer to the edge.

“mm!— m’cumming again sei…! gonna cum… ahh—!”

right before he’s about to cum, he pulls his cock out of your warm cunt, jerking it off infront of you as his cum goes right onto your stomach.

…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭

he gets you a fresh pair of his clean clothes after your shower together, leaving a kiss on your cheek when he sees you on the bed.

“you okay, love?” he asks with a gentle tone, water droplets falling from his hair since you both had just gotten out of the shower.

“mhm… it felt really good, sei… thank you… wanna do it again soon…” you giggle softly, holding him tighter into your hug.

“don’t thank me, baby… wanted your first time to be as perfect as possible.” he says, kissing you once more before you both drift off to sleep.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ Disabled Characters Showdown Quarterfinals Poll 1

Vs.

Please be civil in the notes. We will block people if we feel it is necessary. A character being canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included. This is not a competition of who is better representation.

Check out the other polls in the quarterfinals here.

Edit: This is a two vs. one because they tied (by our defenition) back in round 4 and moved on together.

Harrier ‘Harry’ du Bois-Disco Elysium

Qualifications:

Bisexual. Struggles with addiction, post-polio syndrome, multiple kinds of mental illness, and whatever else he's accrued by living in a city with no accessible healthcare.

Propaganda:

You know who he is. Vote for him.

Kim Kitsuragi-Disco Elysium

Qualifications:

Visually impaired

Propaganda:

I dunno man. He's Kim Kitsuragi. There's nothing I can say about him that hasn't already been said. He's quiet and reserved and uncomfortable with emotions. He's a self-proclaimed Torque Dork who loves his car like a child. He listens to heavy metal music. He's a centrist. He's a homosexual. He's consistently given shit by everyone around him for his race, his sexuality, and his disability, and he's taught himself to respond to it with cold professionalism. He dresses in historical communist pilot cosplay. I love him with my entire heart.

Yang Xiao Long-RWBY

Qualifications:

She is canonically wlw (has been for years but specifically kissed and got together with her now girlfriend in the latest season) and uses a prosthetic arm and has been shown to struggle with PTSD due to the traumatic nature of losing it during the show.

Canonically had her right arm chopped off, uses a prosthetic. Has PTSD. Is canonically in a WLW relationship.

She has a canon girlfriend and canonically has a prosthetic arm and PTSD

She's canonically sapphic (part of a recently canonised wlw slowburn relationship) and is an amputee (due to events from the 3rd season finale) who wears a robotic prosthetic. She also suffers from PTSD which is explored in the show

Propaganda:

I will keep on submitting Yang to relevant brackets until I die. RWBY has plenty of strengths and weaknesses with writing, especially Yang's recovery arc, but instead of forcing her to push past her trauma and enter the battlefield immediately, we see her struggle with it, take time to process, and not be pushed into repression and when she chooses to wear her prosthetic, chooses to train to ready herself, and chooses to seek out her family and save lives, she isn't perfectly healed, as no one is. The show depicts her having flashbacks due to sudden loud noise, shaking hand the first few times she has to fight for her safety instead of training with her dad, and snapping at friends when they bring up Blake, the person she lost her arm trying to save (who, near immediately after ran away due to feeling she was endangering those she loved, furthering Yang's already present abandonment issues.) It isn't done perfectly but the intentions and general message sent are extremely positive and honest. She struggles less as the show progresses, and there are opportunities to consider herself less for being disabled or "become whole again" but she explicitly refutes these ideas and says that's she's better because of her failures and losses, and isn't any less whole. Her becoming disabled is also extremely tied to her being LGBT, because, as previously mentioned, she lost her arm protecting her then friend and partner, now girlfriend, directly after the villain who cut her arm off told her love interest that he would "destroy everything [she] love[s]. (Camera pans to Yang, he looks at her.) Starting with her." LIKE. He attacked her BECAUSE Blake cared for her so much and Yang ran to her defense blindly BECAUSE she loved Blake so much. When they reunite, they struggle with communication because Yang feels Blake is seeing her as weak, and through several things, mostly a climatic battle against the man who severed Yang's arm, they affirm each other as equals. I can go on but this is already too long. YANG SWEEP!!!!!

Yang lost her arm while protecting her best friend and future girlfriend from said girlfriend's abusive ex. Had a whole arc about learning to live with that loss and dealing with PTSD. Is totally devoted to and in love with Blake Belladonna and is just the sweetest but most badass character in the show.

She's one of the main characters, and just finished a 10 year slow burn romance. Plus, she has both physical and mental disabilities, but is never treated as lesser or incomplete.

Yang Xiao Long was one of the first examples of a sapphic character I ever saw in animated media with her character journey in the show being an iconic part of my teenage years and current young adulthood. The loss of her arm after a traumatic event in the show's 3rd volume was one of the big shockers of the show that nobody saw coming. Since then the show has done an amazing job in exploring both the mental and physical effects of her losing a limb, gaining a prosthetic arm and the recovery journey. Her character also has a major arc regarding handling her PTSD from both this and her past most notably in the 5th and 6th volume. Her character also has a slow-burn romance with her teammate and fellow main character Blake Belladonna which is one of my fave romances ever (it has everything: canon soulmates, friends to lovers, sunshine x grump,battle couple etc..) that has recently became CANON BABIEE!!! There are MULTIPLE characters in RWBY with various disabilities that are handled well in the narrative but i would say Yangs definitely the top FAVE!

[preiyers]

♱ TAKE A CHANCE — LUIGI MANGIONE X READER

SUMMARY: your friend group takes a trip to the beach during summer break and one night, luigi just takes the chance to tell you how he feels.

WARNINGS: friends to lovers, making out, humping in the hot tub

A/N: i'll be using random names for their friends and a part of this is inspired by a scene in to all the boys i've loved before and this post

show a little loving, shine a little light on me

you and your friends have been staying at the beach for almost a week now. you'd be leaving in two days.

the six of you were currently finishing dinner and then planning on walking around the beach and getting ice cream, but things changed when the group insisted on resting and staying in the hotel instead.

as the group walked back, luigi was getting teased by the guys as you walked with the girls of the group, looking around the beach and talking.

"come on man, just take the chance while we're still here and tell her how you feel." marcus tells him and he just shrugs.

"i don't know, it might change things." luigi says with a hand rubbing the back of his neck. he was interested in you the moment you asked him for help on a computation — the way your eyes lit up when he said he'd help you and how happy you got when he gave you an example and you got it right.

he still remembered.

little did he know, the girls were also giving you the same talk.

"you never know y/n, it could be a good type of change!" they all agreed as one of the girls nudged you.

as you guys walked, you came across a souvenir shop. you stayed outside, looking up at the sky as the wind blew your hair. marcus gives luigi a look to hang back and stay with you which he was already going to do.

“hey,” luigi said from behind, startling you a bit which makes you jump. “i didn’t mean to scare you.” you both chuckle.

it was quiet between you two for a moment. you didn’t know what to say, how to start the conversation and so did he. the sound of the waves crashing and the rustling of leaves filled your ears.

until he spoke again. “are you okay?” he turns his head to look at you, inching a bit closer.

you could see from your peripheral vision that he was looking at you so you turned to completely face him. you just smile in response and nod.

“just thinking about how we have to go back to uni after all this,” you sighed, looking back up at the sky and crossing your arms. “i don’t know, i’m gonna miss it,” you glance back at him and he was still looking at you. the look he was giving you was something you’ve never seen before, it was unreadable but it made you feel something at the pit of your stomach. “i’m gonna miss everything.”

it felt like there was a magnet pulling the two of you closer and closer or if the tiredness was just getting to you and you were imagining things.

“i get that, nights where we’d just spend having fun together and not stressing over assignments,” he said softly, placing an arm on your shoulder, pulling you even closer. “i wish we could stay here forever.” he looks down at you and your heads are closer now.

tracy, one of your friends looked out for you guys and told your friends about it which got them to all smile at the pair of you, giving each other knowing looks. “it’s so happening,” marcus mouthed at the group.

you smile up at him, you notice he’s looking between your eyes and your lips. your stomach churns and immediately break away, afraid of what could possibly happen and your friends could be watching.

“we… we should head back, they’re probably looking for us.” you force out a laugh, rubbing your hand on your forearm.

after the group was done checking out the souvenir shop, all of you went back to the hotel. you and luigi not speaking a word at all. they all noticed and tried to get one of you two to talk but just got smiles from the two of you.

“i’m gonna stay in the jacuzzi for a while, you guys can go.” luigi tells the group once you’ve reached the hotel.

his gaze finds you, but your head was down, not wanting to look into his eyes. you could feel the awkwardness in the group and some of your friends glancing between you and luigi.

he sighs and parts ways with the group.

no one spoke during the elevator ride and when you guys were walking to your rooms. until tracy reached for your arm. “what happened?” she pulled you back from entering your room.

you shrug, “i don’t know. we were talking, it was good and then i felt like something was going to happen,” you looked down, playing with your fingers. “i got scared.”

she places a hand on your shoulder as a way to comfort you. “aw hun, it’s alright.“ she pulls you into a hug and then continues speaking. “but you do know, that boy does like you, and i don’t know exactly when it started, but i know he’s liked you for a while now.” the two of you pull away and she couldn’t read the expression on your face.

“i should go to him,” she nods at you. “you think he’s still there” you ask and she instantly nods, removing her hands from your body.

“yes go right now, you got this!” she says, gently pushing you to leave.

you rush to the elevator, press the button quickly, looking up which elevator is closest to your floor level. once an elevator opened, you immediately went in and pressed the button to the floor. you mentally prepared yourself for what you’d say to him.

luigi, i like you. no. that was too forward. luigi, remember when we-

the elevator doors open which cuts your inner monologue off. you focused on your breathing as you walked to the area where the pool and jacuzzi were.

and there he was. his arms up on the tub’s rim, back facing you. as you walked, it was like your heart was gonna beat out of your chest any moment.

“hey,” you said softly, him now being the one startled.

he turns his neck to look at your figure, going closer to the tub.

“hi.” he responds with a small smile on his face.

you walk to where the ladder was, climbing and sitting on the edge of the tub, taking off your shorts to put your legs in.

“i’m surprised you’re here,” he says, looking down at the pool then up at you. “thought i made you upset or something.”

you look away as he said the last part, watching the bubbles come up.

“no i’m okay. why would i be upset at you?” you looked up, his eyes still avoiding you which makes you just want to tell him how you felt already.

he bites his lip, then turns his head to face you. you can’t seem to read the look on his face, the same as earlier’s. he just shrugs. “i don’t know y/n, i just thought,” he shakes his head and closes his eyes.

and you already knew.

you took your tank top off and got in the tub completely now. the two of you sat at opposite sides of the hot tub.

“do you remember how we first met?” he asks you, opening his eyes to look at you.

you nod, waiting for him to continue.

“you asked me for help on the chemistry computation and you were so happy when i said yes,”

“and you even offered to tutor me for free,” you smile at the memory. “it was freshman year; i knew no one in class cause i enrolled late and everyone seemed to like you for some reason.” you teased, and he shakes his head with a smile on his face.

“yeah, well, what can i say, i’m a nice dude.” he joked, which made you roll your eyes and scoff jokingly. “uh, well, on that same day, i told marcus you were really pretty.” he avoided your eyes once again, and you just blinked at him.

“since then, i’ve liked you. i liked you when we were partnered up for projects, i liked you even when you made comments about my frat, i liked you when you’d give me massages when i’d get back pains, liked you even when you dated your ex and cried a whole week over the break-up,” he listed down which made you blush. it felt like he could go on and on the whole night with the list.

your gaze softened as he smiled at you.

“what i’m trying to say is, it’s always been you.” his breath hitches in his throat, the weight on his shoulders now gone after telling you what he truly felt.

the two of you looked at each other for a moment before you moved to where he was seated until you were in between his legs. the tension between the two of you could be cut by a knife. you take a breath before speaking up.

“i like you too lu.” you place a hand on his cheek and carress it. he smiles at you before grabbing your leg and wrapping it around his torso, now you were face to face with each other. the light from the pool, shining on your faces.

“there’s no one like you, y/n.” he whispers before crashing his lips onto yours.

the kiss started off slow and steady, his hands slowly moving up from your legs to your waist while you wrapped an arm around his shoulders, trying to get him closer to your body if that was even possible at your current position.

your lips were moving in sync, tilting your head a bit as you start to feel his tongue trying to slip in. once he does, he glides one of his hands to your ass, squeezing it a bit before placing it on top of his straining bulge.

he moves your hips as his tongue explores your mouth. you moan into the kiss, fingers finding its way to his curly hair and tugging on it softly.

never would you have expected this to happen during your trip, but at the same time, this is all you've wanted.

he's the first to pull away, leaning his head on your forehead, still keeping your bodies close to each other. the both of you try to catch your breath.

you giggle a little as you place your hands on each side of his face, caressing his cheeks before placing pecks on his moles and then his lips.

"come on, let's continue this in my room."

lmk if u wanna be added to the taglist!!

[illbegottenfaith]

walking away with your kiss on my cheek...

your relationship with theo starts to sour as you begin to suspect him of keeping secrets from you (theo nott x reader)

a/n - first part of a two-shot I've written! Ngl this thing has gone through wayyy too many drafts and revisions so it’s barely an u healthy relationship, more like unhealthy coping mechanisms, but I have a couple of slightly more intense takes on the trope lined up as well :)

tropes/warnings - mildly (veryyy mildly) toxic/unhealthy relationship descriptions, established relationship, mentions of infidelity, miscommunication, angst

word count - 1.9k

When it came to love languages, Theodore Nott’s was distance. Many of his past relationships had failed once he'd deemed them too suffocating. Nobody had suited him quite like you did. The two of you had somehow stumbled into a mutual understanding of what you wanted out of a relationship. Some considered what you shared too casual to be considered a relationship. You had your separate schedules and commitments, and in your downtime, you kept one another company.

But it worked for the two of you. The best relationships are built between people on the same page, and your perfectly aligned perspectives made the little time you spent together that much sweeter. In fact, things had been going along swimmingly until Katherine entered the picture.

She, or at least the idea of her, entered your life one foggy morning. You were dead on your feet. The aconite you had been tending to as part of your Herbology project demanded your every waking moment outside of your classes. You were just about to fall asleep into your soft-looking, pillowy scrambled eggs when Ivy half-yelled into your ear, as she was prone to doing.

"Didn't know Theo got a new girlfriend!"

Your head snapped up and you groaned. Okay, maybe she wasn't yelling as much as everything sounded ten times louder with that throbbing behind your right temple. You blinked blearily at your friend.

"Huh?"

"Someone's been spending an awful lot of time with Katherine."

It took you a moment to register that you had no idea who Ivy was talking about.

"Katherine Sawyer," she repeated. "Theo's been getting pretty cosy with her, hasn't he?"

Something must have shown on your face, because she immediately dropped the suggestive lilt to her voice.

"I mean - I'm only kidding. It's just that I saw them in the library again last night for, like, the third time this week. I thought you knew." She peered closer at your dark eye bags. "Damn. Are you getting any sleep?"

You shook yourself out of the shock and gave a small smile. "Of course I knew," you lied. If being with Theo had taught you anything, it was how to lie convincingly. "I'm exhausted, that's all."

"Yeah, you look it," Ivy agreed sympathetically. "But really, I was kidding. It's not like he'd do anything. Not Theo."

"Right." You smoothly changed the subject. "So how's your project coming along?"

Still, it bothered you for the rest of the day. Why hadn't he told you about Katherine? He knew you weren't the jealous type, especially when it came to perfectly innocent interactions with the opposite sex. Unless there was a reason for him to keep it from you. You had thought that neither of you was the type to keep secrets from the other, but maybe you had thought wrong. And if he hadn't told you about Katherine, well, what else was he not telling you about?

You dismissed the thought. You were too sleep-deprived for this. It just wasn't like him. Theo would never pursue another girl, not while he already had one on his arm.

Right?

These thoughts were still circulating in your head when you found him reading in the Slytherin common room that evening. You approached him as you always did, but something about what Ivy had said that morning made you hesitate. He didn't look up from his well-worn copy of The Divine Comedy in the original Italian until he felt you sink into the couch beside him. He gave you a strange look before pulling you into his lap, nestling his head in the crook of your neck, the way the two of you usually curled up together when one of you was reading.

"Don't be going shy on me now," he teased lightly. You shushed him, tapping the paperback. As you settled your head on his shoulder, he glanced at your face. "You look tired," he noted quietly. You pulled a face.

"Who knew aconite could be such a bitch?"

Theo turned the page. "I knew. I'd say I told you so, but - ow."

You had sharply tugged at the short hairs at the nape of his neck as a warning. You laughed softly as you ran a soothing thumb over the mildly irritated skin, kissing it better. It was moments like these that made it difficult to harbor any sort of suspicion or resentment towards your boyfriend. As moody and mysterious as he liked to come off, to you he was an open book.

But he still hadn't told you about Katherine.

A few weeks later, Theo and a few others were about to leave for a two-week cultural exchange trip to Durmstrang's. Ivy had dragged you down to the Great Hall where everyone was saying their goodbyes, before disappearing into the crowd in search of Ivan.

Somewhat reluctantly, you walked up to your own boyfriend. Between his trip preparations and your Herbology project, the two of you hadn’t had a minute together for the past week and a half, a new record, even for a relationship as casual as yours.

“Got everything?”

Theo nodded. In his soft, fitted navy blue sweatshirt pushed halfway up his forearms, he looked effortlessly put together. You weren’t scruffy yourself, either. That was why you had any kind of relationship at all, wasn’t it? The two of you made an attractive couple, at least when you acted like one.

You looked over at Ivy, whose boyfriend was humoring a much sappier farewell than yours and Theo's. Scratch that, Ivan lived for Ivy's oddities and eccentricities. Right now, Ivy was kicking a fuss over a fortnight being simply too long of a time to be apart while Ivan promised to call every single night. Occasionally, you had wondered what it would feel like to be in a relationship like theirs, where two weeks apart would be nothing short of agony rather than routine.

As you turned back, you noticed Theo had been following your gaze. He cleared his throat delicately.

"So...two weeks."

"Mhm." You weren't the type of couple to explicitly express affection, especially of the vulnerable kind. You'd miss him, of course, even if you didn't say it. Would he miss you? You shook your head internally. No, you decided, you wouldn't ask. You'd only seem clingy and that wasn't the kind of couple you were. "Be good, have fun."

He adjusted the strap of his duffle bag. You fixed the collar of his jacket. You wondered if he'd tell you about Katherine before he left. From somewhere else in the Great Hall, one of his friends called him over. He pressed a final chaste kiss to your cheek. You watched him walk away with a hollow sort of feeling in your stomach. Merlin forbid you express any kind of attachment to your boyfriend.

He glanced back at you one last time, fidgeting with the strap of his bag, and just like that, he was gone.

Gone.

He didn't say a word about Katherine.

As the two weeks crawled by achingly slow, you tried to convince yourself that you didn't feel the lack of Theo. You had gone longer without talking to him. Hell, before you started dating, you'd only occasionally meet through mutual friends.

But you had never spent time apart feeling this acrid bitterness towards him.

Unbeknownst to you, your friends had picked up on your frutration, especially in the way you had thrown yourself into your work with renewed vigour, doing your best to keep conversations from straying to topics related to Theo.

"I'm going to the owlery to check for letters from Ivan," Ivy was saying one evening, pulling a woollen hat onto her head. "Wanna come with?"

You barely spared her a glance, writing carefully. "Can't. I have this essay to finish."

Ivy deflated visibly. "Don't you want to see if you have anything from Theo?”

You shrugged. You couldn’t be disappointed if you didn’t expect anything.

“Have you heard from him at all?” Ivy pressed.

You gave her a warning look. “Ivy. Stay out of it.���

“Come on, Y/N. Why don’t you call him? I'm sure he misses you."

You laughed derisively, nearly stabbing a hole in the parchment. You might have done that any other time, but you were too mad about his imaginary affair with Katherine.

“Miss me? Theo doesn’t miss me.”

“How can you be so sure? You don’t know what he’s-“

“Because if he missed me,” you finally snapped, "he’d call. Or send me an owl. But he hasn't, alright? He hasn't called and I haven't gone to the owlery because no one's missing anybody. He's doing perfectly fine without me, just as I'm doing perfectly fine without him."

No one's missing anybody.

Tears prickled behind your eyes. You stubbornly watched Ivy turn blurrier and blurrier as you failed to blink them back. Your gaze landed on your essay, and the spots where your tears had caused the ink to run. Your essay was ruined.

You pressed a trembling hand to your eyes as you finally caved in, a pair of warm, comforting hands almost immediately coming to rest on your shaking shoulders. As miserable as you had been, you hadn't acknowledged the pain, let alone how it was eating away at you. Once you started crying, it was as though you didn't know how to stop.

“Why won’t he call, Ivy?” you choked out. "Doesn't he think about me?"

"Of course he does," Ivy soothed. "He's probably just insanely busy."

You sniffled. "How busy can a person be? One phone call, one letter, anything - is that really too much to ask?"

Ivy hesitated. The silence stretched out between you like the confirmation of a truth neither of you wanted to admit. She said it anyway.

“Maybe he thinks you don’t need that from him."

You laughed, the sound sharp and humorless. “Well, he got that part right.”

You sounded ridiculous even to your own ears. It was a testament to your friendship that Ivy didn’t try to argue with you. She gave your shoulder one last squeeze before standing, her footsteps soft as she made her way to the door. “I’m going to the owlery,” she said, lingering for a moment. “If there’s anything for you -"

"- burn it."

" - I’ll bring it back.”

You focused on the ruined essay in front of you. Messy smudges had formed where your tears had fallen. It was beyond repair, much like the knot in your chest that no amount of rationalising seemed to untangle.

As the door closed behind Ivy, an unbearable silence descended upon your dorm. You pressed your hands against your temples, willing yourself to stop thinking about him, about how easy it seemed for Theo to carry on without you. Maybe that was the worst part—the inescapable realisation that you weren’t half as essential to him as he was to you.

You stared at the blurred words on the parchment, feeling the ache settle deeper into your chest. There was no scintillating revelation, no blinding eureka moment. Just the quiet, gnawing thought that maybe this was all you’d ever be to him—an afterthought.

And maybe, you thought bitterly, crumpling your essay, you deserved it for letting yourself believe otherwise.

[shinski-chan]

❛❛𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚢 𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚗𝚔 𝚊𝚜𝚜❞

synopsis: it was just one of the random days where jungwon is going out with his hyungs to have fun, but it was also one of those days that reminds you how clingy he gets when he's drunk.

paring: drunk!jungwon x fem!reader

word count: 2.1k+

notes: featuring jake, fluff, petnames, clinginess, mention of alcohol, suggestive

the sound of the papers rustling filled the room as you fixed the pile of papers on your desk, getting ready to leave the workplace. you glanced at your watch only to find out it was almost twelve midnight.

you pulled your phone from your pocket, frowning as you received none from jungwon. staring at the last text he sent you earlier.

baby, just want to remind you it's d-day. i don't want you to get mad later when i get home just because you forgot😇 love you!

you couldn't help but to roll your eyes, realizing that you had actually forgotten about his plans. the boys hit him up to go out for a drink, and in all honesty, you're not the type to hold him back from having fun and being with his friends because, aside from the fact that you trust him enough, you knew for sure that he needed to spend time with his friends anyway, because not everything is all about you.

after fixing all the mess on your desk, you finally grabbed your keys and told your coworkers that you would be heading out first.

it didn't take you long, and you finally arrived in the parking lot. you immediately got inside the car and tossed your bag on the passenger seat. one hand on the wheel, starting the car, and the other one holding your phone, dialing jungwon's number.

with a few rings, he answered the phone. you put the phone in between your head and shoulder, your eyes focused on turning the wheel to get out of the parking.

"heading home?" he asked on the other line. you could hear the loud music in the background, and you couldn't help but to grimace.

"yeah, i'm already on my way home," you said, still focused on driving out of the building. "don't even think about going home completely wasted, i swear... you'll be sleeping outside," you reminded him, and all you heard was just a soft chuckle, already knowing he was tipsy.

"nah, i don't think you'd let me sleep outside, knowing all too well that i'm uncomfortable," he said. confidence was evident in his voice, and you could already tell he was smirking in the other line. "tell, jake to take you home... i won't be able to pick you up," you said because you had planned on picking him up from the bar.

"will do, just rest. i'll be home by two," he said, assuring you he'd be home by that time.

"yeah, make sure you can still walk straight, because if not, you know what will happen," you told him, and you earned a laugh in response. "you're mean," he replied shortly, which made you smile a little. "get some rest as soon as you get home, hm? i love you," he added, and with that the conversation ends.

it took you over an hour to drive before you finally arrived in your unit. you immediately changed your clothes into something more comfortable before settling in the bed, feeling the weight of exhaustion all over you after the long hours of work.

on the other hand, jungwon couldn't help but drink himself in a complete haze. he didn't even realize how much drink he had, and now... he was really... wasted.

"yah! i told you to not drink too much," jake said, exasperated, hands on his hips as he stared at jungwon, who was now half-collapsed on the table.

"i should've known we were both getting buried six feet under," jake added, pinching his nose and looking up as if he were regretting his life decisions. with a heavy sigh, he dragged jungwon out of the bar and told the guys that he's taking him home.

curled up in bed with your blanket on. you were sleeping so peacefully—not until a ring from your phone jerked you awake. you frowned before slightly opening your eyes. you thought, who in their right mind would be calling at this hour when you're having the most heavenly, out of this world sleep? with a slight groan, you quickly grabbed your phone and didn't bother to check who was calling.

"y/n, uhm... we're outside your unit." you heard jake's voice on the other line, which made you glance at the caller... and of course, it was won's phone.

from what you just heard, you knew damn well that for the nth time, he didn't listen and went overboard drinking... again.

you sighed, massaging your temple before answering, "alright, alright, wait a sec." you ended the call, quickly hopped out of the bed, threw on your slippers, and marched towards the front door. the moment you opened it, jake was already standing there, jungwon's arm slung over his shoulder...

"i'm not drunk..." jungwon mumbled, which made you scratch your head. you quickly glanced at the clock. "great, he was on time..." you muttered, trying to calm yourself down. you knew all too well that you were about to deal with his clingy drunkenness from this moment...

"i'm really sorry y/n, i promise..." jake said, raising his right arm before he continued. "i really told him to not drink too much," he said in defense, which made you chuckle as you pulled jungwon's arm, placing it over your shoulder.

"i know, i know... this little thing just doesn't know how to control himself," you told jake and he sighed in relief, holding his chest as if he'd escaped death.

"thanks for taking him home," you said, and jake nodded his head before finally bidding you goodbye. you started dragging jungwon towards your room.

"babyyy," he called out. you sighed... but didn't respond. instead you kept walking him towards the room, but he suddenly stopped, which made you stop too.

"what did i tell you?!" you said, slightly annoyed. his head turned to you, and there you saw a pout forming on his lips. "but i am not drunk," he protested, but you just gave him a frown.

"i missed you," he said, leaning closer to kiss you, but you leaned away. which made him whine, "babyyy," even in his state, he somehow managed to pull you in and give you a kiss.

"tsk, don't make things difficult for us both, jungwon." you firmly said as you started dragging along.

"oh, so we are on a first name basis now, huh?" he teased, raising his brows. you didn't answer, hoping to avoid any drama.

when you both entered the room, you gently laid him down on the bed, but knowing his state like this... he pulled you along with him, rolling over; now he's on top of you.

"baby! you're too heavy!" you protested, giving his arm a light smack, but he only nestled his head comfortably on your chest, wrapping his arms around your frame.

"just for a few minutes, please?" he mumbled, his eyes shut, leaving you with no choice. you sighed as your hand instinctively moved, reaching up to gently stroke his hair.

"baby, do you love me?" his voice barely above whisper.

"what do you think?" you shot back, earning a soft whimper from him.

"i am asking you, why are you asking me back?" he pouted, and you chuckled at his clinginess.

"obviously, yes. what else do you think?" you said, still teasing him.

"that's not how you answer!" he protested, and you just knew for sure he was already pouting his lips.

"but seriously?" he pressed, his tone more serious.

"of course, i love you." you said softly. "why'd you ask that? do you feel like i'm not giving you much attention?" you asked, looking down at him.

he immediately looked up to you, his eyes a little hazy. "mhm, yeah" he shortly replied, and you couldn't help but to pinch his nose.

"you're always buried in work, every day, every night, every minute, every second... even milliseconds," he sulked.

"you're exaggerating," you commented, shaking your head.

"sometimes i think you forget that you have a baby to take care of," he said with a little giggle, making you laugh too.

"i'm sorry," you murmured, feeling a little bit of guilt because you know you've been really swamped with your work lately.

"but seriously, i missed you," he said, and you saw how his lips formed a downward smile. "i missed you more," you replied, leaning in to give him a gentle forehead kiss.

"baby, time is up. go get changed," you said, lightly tapping his arm, but he won't even move an inch.

"bebi, come on," you coaxed, running a hand through his hair. "but i don't wanna," he whined, wiggling a little before burying his face in your neck, snuggling even closer, his warm breath sending a tingle through you.

"you have to change your shirt first, look at you. you're so uncomfortable," you half scolded, but he didn't respond and just stayed, making you sighed at his stubbornness.

"but i want to lay on top of you after," he said, pressing his lips softly against your neck.

"fine," you relented, knowing you won't have a chance to win this. he slightly detached himself from you, and you quickly stood up, getting him his pajamas.

after getting him his pj's, you went your way to him, giving it to him, but he just stared at it, and slowly, a smirk formed in his lips.

"what are you staring at? go get changed so you can rest," you told him, wiggling the pajama in front of him.

"you change my clothes," he said, grinning, and you immediately shook your head. i knew it... you thought.

"you change it yourself," you told him, raising your left brows. you knew exactly what he was thinking. "bebi, pleaseee?" he asked, blinking his damn eyes. you knew you couldn't resist.

with a sigh, you finally gave in, rolling your eyes with his mischievousness. "fine, but don't do anything stupid," you warned, pointing your fingers at him, and he couldn't help but to bit his lips a little, savoring his small victory.

he grinned wider, clearly pleased with himself. he pulled you in close, one arm slipping around your waist, drawing you onto his lap. your heart raced as you felt his warmth, his hands settling firmly on your hips.

"yah!" you complained with his sudden action, trying to break free from his grip, but he immediately tightened around you.

"what? i don't see anything wrong in this arrangement," he murmured all too innocent as he gazed up at you, his face barely an inch away from you.

"seriously," you said, squeezing your eyes shut as if it would ease the tension you were feeling. when you reopened your eyes, you met his gaze directly looking at you, a small smirk painted in his face, hinting he was enjoying the moment.

"mhm, yeah. seriously," he said, his voice low as his fingers started brushing along your sides. you bit your lip, trying not to react, knowing well that he's making things hard on purpose.

"don't you dare make this difficult for me, i swear," you warned again, keeping your voice as steady as you could, but he just laughed softly.

"me? you know i'd never do that," he whispered, his breath warm against your skin.

"bebi! i swear, i won't keep this up if you keep teasing me like that," you told him and he quickly shook his head, letting out a soft giggle. "alright, i'll behave," he said before pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

you then started to take his shirt off, and you draped his pajama shirt over his broad shoulders. you fumbled a little with the buttons, his hands sneaking up to pull you even closer.

"hold still, or this will take even longer," you muttered, feeling your cheeks heat up.

"can't help it... just love having you close," he murmured, his voice warm. you shook your head before finally buttoning the last button of his pajama shirt.

"done," you said as you looked up to him, only to find his face just centimeters away from you.

"thanks, bebi." he said, eyes drifting to your lips. you were about to break free from him when he rolled you over the bed, bringing you both to your position earlier.

"you're not going anywhere," he said, snaking his arms around you as he nuzzled to your neck, peppering it with kisses, which made you softly chuckle.

"i love you," he murmured, finally closing his eyes after he got tired of peppering you with kisses. "i love you more than you know," you replied, wrapping your arms around him, and with that, you both dozed off to sleep.

©shinskichan

[msmargaretmurry]

hello tumblr! i read a lot this year and i want to talk about the epic highs and lows of my 2024 reading list!!

i went through all the books i read and divided them into four-ish categories — fiction, nonfiction not for school, nonfiction for school, and rereads, plus two poetry collections that didn't fit in any of those categories, and now i am going to talk a little bit about my favs and least favs, because i like doing a little end-of-year reflection. i was going to do top five in each category but instead i am doing my top however many i think meaningfully represents my favorites in that category. also these are new TO ME, not necessarily new in 2024. i have never in my life been caught up on reading the lastest book releases and i am not going to start now.

top five six fiction reads of 2024

In Memoriam by Alice Winn — a beautiful, achy, tragic, devastating, horrifying, hopeful romance between two english boys who get caught up in wwi and each other. my favorite non-reread book of the read.

The Cold Millions by Jess Walter — a deliciously detailed historical fiction set in the early twentieth century labor movement in the pacific northwest. great characters; i appreciated that the author tried to Do Things with his novel structure even if i didn't that they all 100% worked as well as he wanted them to.

Slippery Creatures by KJ Charles — i loved the entire will darling trilogy but this first installment was definitely my favorite of the three because it has the best of the plot twists and complicated romance.

Minor Detail by Adania Shibli (trans. Elisabeth Jaquette) — this novella was one of the first things i read in 2024 and it stuck with me all year. told in two equally harrowing parts, it tells the story of the murder of a palestinian girl in 1949 and then the story of a modern-day palestinian woman trying to navigate through occupied palestine to investigate the incident.

City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert — i have to be honest, i was surprised by how much i enjoyed this book, since all i knew about gilbert going into it was eat pray love memes. but i loved the cast of characters and the historical details and the exploration of female sexuality and autonomy.

Boy Parts by Eliza Clark — i read this book and was immediately like "wow i bet some people REALLY hated this lmao." the narrator is DEEPLY unlikeable and unsympathetic, and most of the people around her aren't much better. but she's like that on purpose, and while it's not for everyone, i relished reading her go on this self-destructive spiral, like a trainwreck that keeps getting worse. equal parts funny and disturbing. the excerpts from her best friend's tumblr had me howling.

top five six nonfiction reads of 2024

There's Always This Year: On Basketball and Ascension by Hanif Adburraqib — the thing is, if hanif writes a book it's gonna be in my top reads of the year. that's just the rule. loved what he did with the structure of this book, love how he uses language, love how thoughtfully and poignantly he writes about everything from sports to social justice.

The Wolves of K Street: The Secret History of How Big Money Took Over Big Government by Brody Mullins and Luke Mullins — one of those books that did make be feel even more deeply depressed than usual about the united states and the us government specifically, but deeply researches and very readable, put so much into context for me about various horrible men whose backstories i was not totally aware of.

Doppelganger: A Trip into the Mirror World by Naomi Klein — this book is excellent all the way through, but what really surprised me was that even in sections on topics where i felt like it probably wouldn't have much new to offer me (like, i am already SO aware of how the people who think vaccines cause autism work) it still did give me some new perspective or context.

A Ghost in the Throat by Doireann Ní Ghríofa — a gorgeous and haunting and unique book that is so hard to describe. it is autofiction about womanhood and motherhood but it's also about history and poetry and translation and the silences of the archive.

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado — i read so much of this in a single sitting because i was like girl i can't put this book down until you get out of there!!!!!!!!!!! oof. OOF.

Number Go Up: Inside Crypto's Wild Rise and Staggering Fall by Zeke Faux — i find crypto so hard to read about because it is deliberately convoluted but this book was not only well-written and readable but VERY funny. faux feels so aware of how so much of the crypto enterprise is built on speculation and wild greed and he treats it accordingly.

Floating Coast: An Environmental History of the Bering Strait by Bathsheba Demuth — obviously this book made me depressed about what capitalism and human industry and greed had done to the land and wildlife in this region but also it's so beautifully written and imo super interesting.

top five nonfiction for school reads of 2024

(i have these in a separate section because i am so aware that academic texts are not written for a popular audience but sometimes they are still really good and i rec them to people anyway.)

Necropolis: Disease, Power, and Capitalism in the Cotton Kingdom by Kathryn Olivarius — reading this book, centered in antebellum new orleans, about the politics and economy of public health and widespread disease in the wake of so much public/policy failure around covid was uhhhhh harrowing. but it's VERY good and imo very readable.

Empire of Cotton: A Global History by Sven Beckert — reading this book added important new dimensions to the way that i understand global capitalism.

Late Victorian Holocausts: El Niño Famines and the Making of the Third World by Mike Davis — reading this book added important new dimensions to the way that i understand imperialism and colonialism.

Fordlandia: The Rise and Fall of Henry Ford's Forgotten Jungle City by Greg Grandin — this is the most ~for a popular audience~ of my favorite school books this year. whomst among us doesn't like reading about a very nasty very rich man barging confidently into a huge new venture and failing miserably. unfortunately you will also leave feeling furious about the environmental and human impacts of said venture.

other stuff!

i read two poetry collections this year and loved them both:

What You Want: Poems by Maureen N. McLane

The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes On by Franny Choi

my rereads this year were all part of my ongoing goal of revisiting all the fantasy books i loved as a teen/young adult that have been sitting on my bookshelf for years, which has been such a cozy and enriching endeavor for me, especially revisiting robin hobb's books. soon i will get to the point in her realm of the elderlings series where the rereading ends and the new reading begins (i dropped off after the tawny man trilogy in my youth due to reasons) and i am so excited for me.

also, these were not rereads, but i read tamora pierce's alanna quartet for the first time this year and had such a fun time. obviously they're written for a much younger audience than me, but that's fine! i read a few of pierce's books as a kid but was never super into them like some of my friends, so it was really nice to explore these books that are so meaningful and were so formative to people i love. i would love to do more of that next year.

fourth wing — it was so hyped and i truly thought it would at least be bad in a fun way if it wasn't good but instead i found it to be so bad the only reason i finished it is because i read it in my downtime at a work conference when my brain was only half-functioning anyway. bad inconsistent worldbuilding; bad inconsistent characterization; transparent boring plot and relationships. good for the people who inexplicably love it because i'm sure they're having a great time but MAN i hated it.

least favorite reads of 2024

i don't love spending tons of time harping on media that i think sucks in public, but i do love picking apart books that don't work for me in private with my friends, so i am putting these here in case friends want to pick them apart with me 😂

mister hockey by lia riley — i joked that i read this whole book just to see if gordie howe showed up but honestly i was pretty unimpressed that he actually didn't show up even once. your typical bad hockey romance problems (this author doesn't seem to know much about hockey, etc) plus deeply cringey writing plus weird breaches of journalistic ethics that the author does not seem to realize are weird and bad = not a book for beckys.

my next two least favorite books this year were very very small indie books so i am not putting them on blast here, lmao.

accountable: the true story of a racist social media account and the teenagers whose lives it changed by dashka slater — this book was so frustrating and upsetting not only because the subject matter is frustrating and upsetting, but none of the non-victim teens and parents seemed to learn a damn thing and the author did not interrogate that at all. ugh.

reading goals in 2025

my reading goal each year is just a flat 50 books of any kind, so we're doing that again! i want to do a better job reading books i own but haven't read before buying more books but we will see how that goes for me. i might make a spreadsheet about it, which will actually help me 😂 but broadly, i want to read more genre fiction, especially fantasy and sci-fi. i am being very easy on myself on the reading front and not setting any super lofty goals about what or how much to read because grad school brain means i will read what my brain will accept, but i am very much looking forward to another year of reading! and always accepting book recs!

[tiramisuucakeee]

STRANGER ★

( reader x park sunghoon )

IN WHICH: park sunghoon feels like he’s drifting away from his girlfriend, but after one night, she’s a stranger again, or perhaps she has always been. even if they were relatively close, they were still very far.

read more !

silence enveloped the dark hot room, as thoughts were more than enough noise. park sunghoon laid next to you, above your blue bed cover, a hand resting under his head, as he turned to look at you.

his eyes felt like they were burning, but they weren’t warm enough to break through the barrier you had set up. in all honestly, you didn’t know why he still tried in the relationship, why was he still here?

“y/n…” he started, but you were quicker to turn him down.

you rolled over in your bed, in nothing but a shirt and underwear, your hair still managing to look neat, as if you had just gotten home. “i’m going to take a shower,” you let him know, as you opened your closet, taking out a small strapless dress and a pair of heels.

“you’re going out?” sunghoon furrowed his brows, sitting up, leaning on his two arms.

“yeah, i told you before. just because you’re here doesn’t mean i’m going to cancel my plans,” you laughed incredulously, glancing at your bed-side table, where a clock sat at, reading the time. “you should go.”

sunghoon then spoke again, stopping you from escaping to the bathroom, “can’t you just stay a few minutes with me?” he asked, more like begged. it’s all he had been doing lately, feeling as if you were escaping from his grasp.

“you wanted to come over sunghoon, if you want to stay here for the night or something… go ahead. i’m probably going to sleep somewhere else or get back in the morning,” you threw him a smile, and before he could say anything, you disappeared into the bathroom.

the shower head started running with water, as your dirty clothes dropped to the ground, that only made sunghoon wonder when had this all started, not your relationship, but your un-relationship, if you could call it that.

you were so loving at the start, so kind and accepting, in his opinion, everything was perfect. so what happened that made you pull away from him. was it something he did? something he said? he couldn’t recall any evil done from his part.

it al brought him back to the day you met him.

sunghoon entered the rooftop at school, away from his lousy friends, wanting to eat lunch in peace, not having a feral niki attacking him, or hearing heeseung and jake fighting over basketball.

as soon as the door closed behind him, he immediately regretted it. the rooftop was occupied by you, staring at the sky.

“sorry… for interrupting, i’ll leave,” sunghoon immediately spoke.

you didn’t even turn to look at him, as if he was nothing but a random passerby. but you opened your mouth before he could leave, “why do you always run away from me?”

in all truthness, sunghoon was in love, and he didn’t know why. you weren’t his type. you weren’t quiet, reserved, or dressed very nicely. but there was something about you, like you were someone important.

he noticed himself starting to fall in love when his friends asked who he looked for in the halls. he noticed he started to fall when he was interested in what types of treats and movies you liked.

everyday, it was like you were there. he saw you on the patio, when he looked out his window in class, outside the gym, near your locker, exiting your homeroom. you were always there, he saw you.

but you never once saw him as someone. you did notice a guy running away nervously everytime you were near, or making the impossible to not bump into you. and you knew more than anyone what it was about, still, his reaction was weird.

“come sit,” you said. you weren’t any kind of monster, not yet. so why did someone that liked you, ran away from you. never has someone had the guts to refuse you, if he did, he had to have a pretty good reason to.

“okay,” he muttered, slowly walking over, sitting down next to you. for the rest of the hour, not a single word was spoken.

he didn’t feel the need to say something, because you letting him sit there, was all the validation he needed, it was everything he craved for. but you, only kept him there because there was not a reason not to, he wasn’t lousy, he didn’t bother you, and he didn’t try anything weird.

and so, it was like a silent agreement that you two were always together. sunghoon would follow you around like a puppy, his bag slung over one shoulder, and a hand in his pocket. while you went about your day, not even speaking a word to him.

then when he asked you out, you accepted. maybe out of boredom and because your mother accepted him first or maybe because you could have felt something, there was still that tiny bit of chance that you did like him.

“ah, you’re still here, i thought you’d leave,” you came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around your body, noticing he was sitting in the same position you left him, like a dog waiting for him owner. “sunghoon, you are allowed to leave, you know?” you raised a brow, and when you didn’t get a reply, you sighed, starting to change into your clothes.

sunghoon’s dark eyes followed your moves through the dimly lit room. even now, after years of ‘being together’, he was starting to realize that he knew all of you, but you didn’t know a bit of him. it was like he was always around for you, never the other way around. but what if he said something about it? would you finally get rid of him like he heard you’ve been wanting to?

“what do you want for breakfast tomorrow?” he asked. sunghoon didn’t give a damn if you wanted him out. he was going to fight for whatever relationship you have, because after all, he still loves you.

“uh, whatever i guess..” you muttered, putting on the heels, “okay, i’m done,” you stood up, clapping your hands, and turned to him. “so you’re staying after all right? can you receive an online order i got? it’s getting here tomorrow morning,” you asked, receiving a nod.

“okay then,” you confirmed he would do as said, and grabbed all your belongings, walking out of your room. right. when was the last time you ever said ‘love you’ or ‘goodbye’ to him. if something were to happen to him, would you feel bad? would you then start to appreciate him?

the silence hung in the air like a thick fog, heavy and suffocating. sunghoon watched you leave without a second thought, as if he was nothing more than a background detail in the story of your life. the door clicked shut behind you with finality, and he exhaled, his chest tightening with a pain that had become too familiar.

he hated how the love he gave you, the constant attention, the patience, it all seemed so invisible to you. why was he so loved by everyone else except you? you didn’t care to know what he liked, dislike, what sunghoon did in his free time and so. it was like he was just your shadow.

“will you ever see me?” he murmured, his voice barely audible in the empty space. the words fell into the void, unanswered.

the phone rang, a harsh, intrusive sound in the middle of the night. sunghoon’s body jerked awake, disoriented, his heartbeat already racing as his eyes flicked to the clock. 4:03 AM. his hand shot out instinctively to grab the phone, the screen flashing your name, and for a split second, his mind was filled with nothing but relief.

maybe you realized that you’d actually want to be with him. it was something he wished for, though it was weird. you never called him. maybe you needed something, or maybe you just got confused and dialed the wrong number. still, it warmed his heart that you could have drink called him.

but when he answered, it wasn’t you. it was another voice. he was used to you hanging around other men and going out with them, but this voice would never do something like that.

“sunghoon, it’s jungwon, y-you need to get here now!” jungwon’s voice was ragged, barely holding itself together. "you need to come to the hospital. she’s going into surgery.” he informed. it was likely that jungwon was dropping off something for his father, who was a surgeon, and suddenly came upon this.

his pulse stuttered in his throat, the words not quite registering at first. his mind spun with confusion, scrambling to latch onto something solid. "what? what do you mean? what happened?" sunghoon’s voice cracked as he pushed himself up in bed, his body stiff with panic, every fiber of his being already alert, bracing for something.

it should have been wrong for him to care about you, cause you never once did for him. if sunghoon were to disappear tomorrow, you’d probably notice when someone asked. but he couldn’t bear to have you away, not like this, not so sudden.

jungwon’s voice faltered again, like he was struggling to find the right words, or maybe even the strength to say them, he was always empathetic with his friends. "she was in a car crash. it’s bad, sunghoon. really bad. the others… they didn’t make it. she’s the only one… but she’s unconscious, and-"

a sick, metallic taste rose in sunghoon's mouth. his heart felt like it was stopping, like time itself had frozen in that one endless second.

"is she…?" sunghoon’s voice broke again, barely more than a whisper, like he was afraid to even speak the possibility aloud. the fear gnawed at him, crawled up his spine, twisted his stomach into knots.

"she was alive when they got here, but then she passed out. i don’t know how long it’ll be… or what’s going to happen." jungwon’s voice cracked, as though he too were barely holding it together. "you need to come, sunghoon. now. she might not even wake up."

the words hit him like a punch to the gut.

not even wake up.

sunghoon’s mind went blank. his hand trembled as he clutched the phone, his grip tightening until his knuckles ached. his chest felt like it was being squeezed by invisible hands, the pressure unbearable. the thought of you, lying motionless in a sterile hospital bed, surrounded by machines that would keep you alive but never truly bring you back, it was too much to comprehend.

"i’m coming," sunghoon’s voice was steady, but it felt like a lie. he was scared. his body was moving before he even realized, stumbling out of bed, legs shaking as he forced himself to stand. his mind was reeling, spinning in circles as the details swirled around him. car crash. surgery. you. you.

as he rushed out of the apartment, the cool night air did nothing to calm the raging storm inside him. his heart was racing, but it wasn’t just fear that gripped him. it was an unbearable sense of guilt.

in that moment of desperation, he finally understood why he cared so much. sunghoon had always watched you from afar, you never had anyone apart from yourself. never a true friend. everyone was a passerby in your life, and perhaps he was one too, but he had been determined not to be. he wanted you to have something real, someone who you trusted, someone you could rely on.

how many times had he put his own feelings aside, his own love, only to be treated like an afterthought? hadn’t he given you everything? he had waited. he had waited for you to need him, to come to him, to want him in a way that was real. but all that time, all that patience, did it matter now? was it too late for him to matter?

the hospital felt like a nightmare. everything about it was wrong, bright fluorescent lights that felt too harsh, cold hallways that smelled of antiseptic and despair. sunghoon's feet carried him through the corridors almost mechanically, his mind still reeling from the call.

you’re alive. you are in surgery but alive. every step felt heavier than the last.

he found jungwon near the entrance, his face pale in despair, eyes hollowed with exhaustion and grief. he didn’t speak at first. he didn’t need to. the unspoken words hung between them like a thick, suffocating fog. jungwon was somehow similar to sunghoon, although he didn’t want to force you to be his friend, he thought you deserved someone who was close to you. but not in that way. he didn’t approve how you basically stomped on sunghoon’s heart for free.

"she’s in there," jungwon finally said, voice quiet, strained. "my father came out some minutes ago, they… they’re doing everything they can. but sunghoon… her chances aren’t good."

his eyes flicked to the door leading to the intensive care unit, and sunghoon felt a sickening twist in his stomach. he stepped forward, but then, for a fleeting moment, doubt clouded his mind.

he couldn’t afford to let it consume him. he had spent too long waiting, waiting for you to finally see him, to love him, to understand. he had given you everything. everything.

but now, as he stood in front of that door, staring at the sterile room beyond, he couldn’t help but wonder, would it matter?

sunghoon hadn’t left your side. he couldn’t, even as the hours bled into days, even as the doctors had whispered about the “long road ahead” and the uncertainty of your condition. every beep of the machine was a reminder that you were still here, but not the same. not you. it was a shell, waiting for your consciousness to come back.

and then, one morning, after days of waiting, after nights of restless pacing, you woke up.

sunghoon sat in the sterile hospital room, his body aching from the hours he had spent perched on the edge of your bed, his eyes never leaving your still form. the steady beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound, a constant reminder that you were alive. but in some ways, you had already slipped away. he held your hand, his thumb brushing over your cold skin as if he could transfer the warmth of his love into you through touch. but it never worked.

the harsh hospital lights felt like they were closing in on him, their cold glare a sharp contrast to the soft warmth that had settled between him and you over the years. your eyes fluttered open, blinking as though you were still trapped in the fog of sleep. at first, he thought it was just another moment of consciousness, another brief flicker of awareness before you slipped back into the darkness.

but then you looked at him.

then, you had blinked slowly, confused, your eyes drifting across the room. your gaze never settled on him with warmth. not with affection. you didn’t even seem to notice the familiar face sitting by your side, the hands that had held you for so long, through all the arguments, the rejections, the coldness that you had never apologized for.

your eyes remained dull, vacant, as if you were waking from some distant dream, only to realize you had no idea where you were, or who was standing at your side.

"hey, it’s me," sunghoon had whispered, his voice breaking, trembling. he had felt his heart constrict painfully in his chest, his hands shaking as he reached for yours, desperate to make you feel loved. "i’ve been here… i’ve always been here for you. the whole time.”

but when you looked at him, it was like you were looking at a stranger. your face was blank, your eyes empty. and then, just when his chest tightened with the growing weight of fear, you asked a question that shattered him entirely.

“where’s my mom?” you said, your voice soft, distant.

his heart stopped. the world around him blurred.

your mother. sunghoon’s throat went dry. his pulse sped up, panic seizing him. he could feel the world start to crumble around him, the pain swallowing him whole.

"where is she?" you asked again, your voice more insistent, the emptiness in your tone turning to something else now, something deeper. "are you a doctor? i want to see her. why isn’t she here? she has to know i’m okay, i don’t want her to worry." you spoke, urging him, not even asking why you were in a hospital bed.

it had been years. years since she died, right before your graduation. years since you stood in front of the casket, holding his hand, eyes brimming with tears. he had been there for you when your world had fallen apart, when the grief had swallowed you whole, even if you’d known him for such a small amount of time. that had been the only instance he had seen you let your emotions out around him. the only time he had seen you actually care for someone. and now, she was gone, for the second time.

sunghoon’s stomach dropped as he realized it.

you didn’t remember her death. you didn’t remember how hard you had cried that day, how the world had felt like it had fallen apart when you stood alone. now you were asking where she was as if she were just gone for the day. as if your whole heart hadn’t crumbled the day you lost her.

and the worst part? you were asking the question, but you weren’t asking him, the one person who had been there for you, to help you understand. you were asking him like he was a stranger, a figure in the background.

his heart squeezed painfully as his breath hitched in his throat. “y/n…” his voice cracked, but he forced himself to continue, his eyes welling with tears. "she’s gone. your mom… she’s been gone for so long. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry, but she’s… she’s never coming back."

at that, something in you seemed to break.

something raw. your lips trembled as your gaze dropped, and your hands began to shake slightly. it was the second time he had seen any sign of emotion from you. your expression hardened for a moment, then softened, and before sunghoon could react, the first tear slipped from your eye.

he watched, in stunned silence, as the single drop fell, and then another followed, and another. and then, your body trembled, your chest heaving as a deep, broken sob escaped you. the sound broke him, cracked through the shell of numbness that had been surrounding you, and in an instant, you were crying, completely unraveling in front of him.

you didn’t remember the pain you’d gone through when she left you. but the truth of it, the horror of knowing your mother was gone, hit you with a brutal force now.

sunghoon stood frozen, his heart breaking in his chest as he watched you collapse into grief, your body shaking violently with sobs. the sight of it tore through him. the rawness of your sorrow was more real than anything.

you were grieving her all over again. you were grieving her, but this time, you were alone. even if you hadn’t cared about him, he was still there. now, he was a complete nobody to you.

sunghoon’s hand hovered, trembling, over your shoulder, desperate to offer some kind of comfort, some reassurance. but he hadn’t expected what happened next.

as his fingers brushed against your skin, you flinched violently, pulling away from him as though his touch burned. your body jerked in a sharp, panicked movement, your breath quickening as if he had just committed some unspeakable betrayal.

"don't fucking touch me!" you screamed, your voice raw, frantic, full of a sudden, terrifying rage that sunghoon wasn’t prepared for. "what did you do to her? what did you do to my mommy?!" you looked like a little kid, lost in a store, full of despair, alone, abandoned.

the words cut through the room like a blade, the accusation hanging in the air like a toxic cloud. sunghoon recoiled instinctively, the weight of your words crashing over him, leaving him stunned, speechless. he could barely process the intensity of your pain, the sheer volume of the fury radiating from you.

you were trembling, your eyes wide with fear, with anger, tears streaming down your face as you turned away from him, trying to scramble back in the bed, as though the very sight of him made your skin crawl.

"tell me what you did!" your voice cracked, jagged with despair and confusion. "what did you do to her? why did you, why did you let her go?!”

it was as though a switch had flipped inside you, a madness born from your trauma, your loss. you had lost your memories, but you were still trapped in the suffocating grief of a daughter who couldn't comprehend the finality of death. the very foundation of your identity was crumbling. and now, in this panic-stricken haze, sunghoon became the focal point of all your rage, all your hurt.

"why isn’t she here?" you clawed at the sheets, your hands shaking with the intensity of your breakdown. "where is she? i need her! now! what did you do?!”

your voice echoed in the sterile room, the frantic energy in your words tearing at the walls, until the room felt too small for the fury you unleashed. you were looking at him now, not with any recognition, but with venom, as if he had been the one to tear your world apart.

sunghoon stood frozen, his heart hammering in his chest. it was a punch he hadn’t expected. the weight of your accusations landing on him with suffocating force. he opened his mouth to speak, to explain, but the words wouldn’t come. how could he explain that you didn’t even remember your mother’s death? how could he make you understand that he wasn’t the one who had taken her from you?

his eyes welled up with fresh tears, but he bit his lip to hold them back, shaking his head desperately. "y/n, please. i didn’t do anything. i’m not, i never hurt her," he said, his voice cracking with the weight of his own sorrow. he didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to calm you, how to help you make sense of the pain that was consuming you.

but the words didn’t reach you. you weren’t listening anymore. the madness in your eyes was too much, too overwhelming, and your voice only grew louder, more frantic.

"you’re lying! you’re lying to me!" you screamed, pulling at your hair, your face contorted in anguish. "you’re trying to cover it up! you’re lying! you’re lying!"

the madness in your eyes was suffocating, and sunghoon felt helpless, absolutely powerless to do anything but watch as you spiraled, consumed by grief and fear. you don’t remember her, but you remember the pain. you remember the loss. and now you’re looking for someone to blame.

the room felt smaller, air thinner, suffocating. he wanted to reach for you again, to hold you, to tell you that he hadn’t done anything to hurt you or your mother, but you were too lost, too far gone in the grip of your overwhelming grief. he took a step forward, but before he could get any closer, the door to the room flew open.

several doctors rushed in, their voices immediately cutting through the madness.

"we need to sedate her," one of them said urgently, his face a mask of professional concern. it was jungwon’s father. "she’s going into a severe emotional breakdown. we need to calm her down now before she hurts herself."

"no!" you screamed, your voice cracking with pure terror as the doctors tried to gently restrain you, to keep you from thrashing about. "don’t touch me! don’t touch me! just being my mommy please! i need her! what’s happening?!" you begged, being ignored constantly.

the doctors moved quickly, efficiently, as they administered an injection to calm you down. you screamed for a moment longer, your body still writhing beneath their hold, but the sedative began to take effect almost immediately. your breathing slowed, your cries turned into soft sobs, and the frantic movements of your body slowed to a near-stillness.

sunghoon stood in the corner of the room, numb, his entire body frozen as he watched the scene unfold. his hands shook violently at his sides, his chest tight with a crushing weight of despair. you were no longer the girl he had once known. you were a stranger, lost in a storm of confusion and grief, and there was nothing he could do to bring you back.

the doctor turned to him then, their expression sympathetic, but firm. "she’s experiencing severe memory loss due to the trauma of the accident. we’ll need to run more tests, but she’s clearly in distress. she’s reliving her grief, and it’s manifesting in these violent outbursts. her mind is trying to make sense of what’s happened, but she can’t understand it. she’s lost."

sunghoon’s knees buckled, and he sank into the nearest chair, his head falling into his hands as fresh tears poured down his face.

you didn’t remember him. you didn’t remember your mother. if you didn’t remember both. there was no one else in your life. you were completely alone.

you were lost.

you were slipping away from him, piece by piece, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. because you would have never let him. he didn’t care if he was important enough to be remembered, that didn’t matter anymore.

the room had gone eerily silent, the only sounds the soft beeping of machines and the faint rustling of the doctors movements. sunghoon could barely breathe through the suffocating weight of the situation. he had always known that losing you would break him, but he hadn’t realized how completely it would shatter him until now.

his eyes were fixed on you, still lying in the bed, sedated now, but your face was a mask of innocence, frozen in that moment of pure loss. you looked so young, so fragile.

the doctors were still in the room, their voices quiet but filled with a clinical understanding that sunghoon could barely grasp.

“she’s in an acute state of dissociative amnesia,” doctor yang explained, looking at the chart in his hands, speaking to sunghoon but also to the team around them. “it’s not uncommon with traumatic injuries like the ones she sustained in the accident. but we’re also seeing something else.”

sunghoon’s gaze flickered to the familiar doctor, confused and lost in a fog of grief. his throat was tight, his mind struggling to make sense of what was happening. “what else?” he whispered hoarsely, his voice broken.

“the trauma to her brain has caused a significant regression,” the doctor continued, his voice softening slightly, as if trying to cushion the blow. “she’s reverted back to her mental state from when she was in her senior year possibly. she’s essentially lost a part of herself. emotionally and cognitively, she’s been pulled back to that time. before all of this. before everything that’s happened in the last few years.”

sunghoon felt his chest tighten at the words. senior year? back to senior year? the words felt like a cruel joke, a twisting knife in the very heart of his memory.

“how is that even possible?” he asked weakly, his voice trembling. “how could she… forget everything? how could she forget me?… scratch that, she doesn’t even remember her mother.”

doctor yang gave a slow nod, clearly understanding the pain in sunghoon’s voice. "it’s common in cases of severe trauma," he explained. "in some cases, the mind protects itself by essentially 'erasing' the time that feels too painful. for her, that means the death of her mother, and perhaps… everything that came after. it’s as if she’s rewound the clock, mentally returning to that phase in her life. the person she was when she was 17."

sunghoon couldn’t move. he couldn’t think. his world had just collapsed in on itself.

“her emotional development since that time is disconnected,” the doctor continued gently. “she’s essentially stuck in that version of herself. the girl she was before all the trauma, before the grief of losing her mother, before all the years you two have spent together. she may not even remember who you are, or if she does, it might be as some vague figure from her past, someone she used to know.”

the words felt like they were smothering sunghoon. his heart pounded in his chest as the doctor’s voice seemed to echo in his head. the girl she was when she was 17.

that girl, the one who had barely spoken to him beyond pleasantries, the one who had brushed him off time and time again, the one who didn’t seem to see him for the years he spent loving her. that girl who knew he would walked behind her every day.

a sudden coldness washed over him. there was a difference between you at this age, and you in high school. back when you were 17, you were an emotional wreck, everyone’s feelings were a game to you. and even if you still had some of those traits now, no amount of mean comments would take away the years he had been by your side.

“is there any chance she’ll come back?” sunghoon’s voice cracked with the question. the word ‘come back’ felt like the ultimate lie on his lips. come back from what? as if you were totally different to him.

the doctor looked at him with sad, tired eyes. "it’s difficult to say. memory loss from trauma like this is unpredictable. she may remember parts of her past, pieces of her life, or she may not. but it's important to understand that right now... she’s not the person she was. she’s stuck in a moment of her life that’s far behind, and all the years since then. your relationship, her grief, everything. are inaccessible to her. it’s like waking up from a dream and finding that nothing has changed, that you’re still in the same place you were before."

sunghoon’s stomach twisted painfully as the words settled in, cold and harsh. you didn’t remember anything. from the years that had passed. your mother’s death. your shared time together. your love, his love for you.

and now, you were a ghost from the past, frozen at the moment when everything had seemed relatively simpler, when your heart hadn’t yet been broken by life, when the world had yet to show you how much pain it could cause. the girl you had once been, so egoistic, so unknowing. and yet, somehow, so much more alive than the hollow shell of yourself that lay before him now.

sunghoon let his head fall into his hands, his whole body shaking with silent sobs. how did we get here? why is this happening? he had fought for you for so long. he had been there when no one else was. he had endured your coldness, your indifference, always telling himself that one day, you would realize.

but now, standing in this sterile room, staring at the broken version of you who couldn’t even remember her own mother, he wondered if he was even real to you anymore.

you were lost to him. and in so many ways, he had lost you long before the crash. but this was a pain unlike anything he had ever felt. you had always been distant, but now, you were gone entirely, unable to see him as the one who had loved you, as the one who had held you when you cried, as the one who had always been there.

"you don’t remember me," sunghoon whispered to himself, as if speaking the words would somehow make them less true. "you don’t remember anything. you’re just... gone."

the doctor’s words seemed to fade into the background as sunghoon stood there, overwhelmed by a wave of emotion so deep it almost consumed him. you had finally slipped away, and there was nothing left of the person he had loved so desperately.

and for the first time, he realized that even if you woke up, even if you remembered, even if you somehow found your way back to him. it wouldn’t change the fact that you never once felt love for him.

the sun was gentle, casting soft golden rays through the canopy of a massive tree. its branches reached wide, stretching into the sky as if welcoming the warmth of the spring day. the ground was dotted with delicate flowers, the air crisp with the scent of new life, the kind of serenity that only spring could offer. you were sitting underneath that tree, the soft breeze playing with the hem of your dress, your fingers grazing the grass beneath you. everything felt still, yet alive. an ethereal peace wrapped around you like a gentle hug.

your heart felt light, unburdened by the heaviness of the world, untouched by time. you had forgotten where you were or what had come before, but you felt a warmth that seemed to seep into your very bones. for a moment, everything made sense.

then, a rustling came from the tall, golden plants that stretched in a field before you. your breath caught in your throat.

the air shifted, the breeze growing stronger as you stood, your eyes scanning the distance. through the swaying plants, a figure emerged, small and bounding toward you. it was a dog, running full speed, its fur glistening like gold in the sunlight. a wave of joy crashed over you as you recognized him.

tudor.

your childhood dog, the one who had followed you everywhere when you were young, with his golden locks, warm eyes, and boundless love. he had always known how to make you feel safe, even when the world seemed too big, too overwhelming.

tudor reached you in a blur of motion. his paws landed gently on your chest as he jumped into your arms, licking your face with affection, as if greeting you after years of absence. tears welled in your eyes as you hugged him, feeling the warmth of his body against yours. it had been so long, you had forgotten how his presence could make you feel so loved, so at home. though you had felt something similar to that love.

and then, another figure appeared.

a woman walked slowly toward you, her steps measured, graceful, as if the earth itself was cradling her. she had the same complexion as you, the same soft glow to her skin, but she was older, more radiant, as though she had lived many lives in her time. her eyes, those eyes, locked with yours, full of love, of understanding. she was so much like you, yet so different.

it was like looking into a mirror, yet seeing someone far more complete than you could ever feel. she was so full of life, so warm, so alive.

“mom?” the word slipped from your lips like a prayer, and she smiled, soft, peaceful, as though she had been waiting for this moment.

“mom!” you stepped toward her, your heart thundering, tears pooling in your eyes. it wasn’t just the joy of seeing her again, but the relief, the sense of home that flooded through you. you couldn’t stop yourself. you dropped to your knees and threw your arms around her, burying your face in her chest. she held you tight, her arms wrapping around you like the most familiar embrace. it was as though all the years of longing, of missing her, had vanished in that instant. you had finally come home.

you felt something delicate in her hands, and she gently placed a white rose in your hair. you giggled, the sound light and free, as though the burden of the world had been lifted from your shoulders. everything was perfect here, warmth, love, family.

but then, more figures appeared, joining the two of you. your father, grandparents, aunts, uncles. all there, gathered around you, their faces full of warmth, their eyes full of love. they surrounded you, welcoming you into something new, so full of love, full of peace, full of home.

you closed your eyes, the sense of belonging overwhelming you. this was where you were meant to be. this was the place you had always been searching for.

everything grew still. the warmth faded, replaced by the coldness of reality.

sunghoon was kneeling at a grave. his hands trembled as he placed a bouquet of white roses down on the ground, his eyes red from crying, his body heavy with grief. he didn’t understand why life had been so cruel to him. he had loved you, loved you with everything he had. but it had never been enough.

you hadn’t loved him. you had forgotten him, lost yourself to time and trauma. and then, when things seemed to be getting better, complications had taken you away from him, too soon, too violently. sunghoon stared at the gravestone, his fingers brushing the cold stone.

but then, he realized something, the weight of it crashing over him. he wasn’t angry. he wasn’t bitter. he was simply thankful.

you had found peace. you had found your mother again, found your way back to the ones who truly loved you. that was all that mattered. you were free of the pain. you could finally rest.

because after all this time, he will always love you more than you could yourself. that was his goal, and he was happy that he did his best to show you love.

and then, there was you. you were looking down at him. from wherever you were, you could see his grief, feel the weight of it in your chest. but more than that, you could feel the love. the love you had always felt for him, that you had always known was there. you loved him so much. more than you had ever known. he was enough for you, more than it.

but you had pushed him away. because you couldn’t bear to see him suffer as you had. you didn’t want him to be dragged down the path of destruction, not like you had. you didn’t want him to drown in the pain of loving someone who couldn’t show any emotion beyond anger back, who had been broken beyond repair.

you had to let him go. even if it tore you apart, you had to let him go. for his sake. because you did love him.

perhaps, one day, you would reunite. and when that time came, he wouldn’t be a stranger to you anymore. you would remember everything. the love, the pain, the mistakes, and the healing. and when that day came, you would hold him again, this time knowing how deeply you had always loved him.

and so, with a quiet sigh, you let yourself rest, knowing that he would be okay. because, somewhere in your heart, you knew that love would find its way back to you, whenever the time was right.

MASTERLIST.

BTW: um. so yeah….

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Thinking about Wooly in When You Feel Bad

Okay so like... everyone noticed that Wooly was acting kind of funny in the "When You Feel Bad" Tape right? Here's some things I noticed... just note there is a LOT of detail put into this tape so I'm definitely not going to be able to notice and cover everything... I don't even think a post that long would fit in the tumblr text limit...

Anyway first thing I noticed is that right after he says, "How about an Adventure?" he looks directly at the camera. Everything about how he says this feels very scripted. But the interesting thing is... his face immediately changes to one of nervousness or unease as soon as his finishes this sentence and his eyes slowly turn in her direction, BEFORE Amanda even says anything. Almost like he knows that this is not what Amanda wants or needs right now, so it's gonna piss her off. However, it's probably what the SHOW needs, in order for the episode to continue.

Before I continue, I'd like to share a little theory. I think the narrator's story might actually be the correct scripted one the episode was meant to read. Hameln does enjoy subtle but slightly harmful messaging, and telling a friend a sad story to cheer them up might be one of them. I think Wooly was supposed to start the story and the narrator was supposed to continue it (with our help). Because otherwise, why would the narrator be there at all if Wooly was supposed to tell the story? If that's the case, why isn't our script-loving Wooly following the script?

I have two theories:

1. First off, if you answer "tragedy" or "sad" for your favorite type of story, Wooly glances at Amanda (who doesn't appear to be paying attention) and says "We don't like those kinds of stories AT ALL." But... this is lie. We know Amanda likes these stories. So that means... the one who really doesn't like them is Wooly. His reaction to horror also implies that he has some of the trademark Hameln trauma too, though he doesn't seem to show it as much as Amanda. It's kind of a weird reaction to have honestly... like, why would the mention of the word "horror" give you flashbacks of... whatever THAT was. I've had this theory for a while now that part of the reason Wooly tries to change the subject when Amanda talks about sad stuff might simply be because HE doesn't like talking/thinking about this kind of stuff. When we answer "horror" he says he wishes he hadn't asked. In comparison, whenever Amanda remembers something about her past, like when we first mentioned Sam, she seemed confused and maybe a little suspicious of us, but she never flat out has said she regrets remembering these memories, despite how unpleasant they can be. It's a weird contrast. Almost like Amanda wants to remember and Wooly wants to forget. And he really doesn't seem to like listening to the narrator's story when it's told. It's almost like he was trying to avoid it getting told at all. In this case, it was never about cheering Amanda up and Wooly was being rather selfish here. So in order to prevent the narrator's story from getting told, he tells his own.

Which could explain why it's so bland and uncreative, considering Amanda (even in this episode alone) is shown to be the creative type of the two. She's an artist. We've never seen Wooly try and be creative before, so maybe it's just not his thing?

Another interesting thing is, Amanda goes off script quite often and the show seems to bend to her will, but for Wooly it doesn't. (in both this tape and the second In Your Neighborhood tape). It's almost like Amanda seems to get rewarded for going off script (aka in getting what she wants) and Wooly gets punished for it. But it always works for which might be why Wooly is surprised when the same doesn't work for him. But he continues to try nonetheless, trying to get HIS story back on track.

He continues to tell the story wrong ON purpose. Probably hoping he can get the show to play along, the way it always does for Amanda. But it FAILS again. Wooly starts to get frustrated and eventually realizes we're the ones messing with his story. When he asks us to at least TRY and go along with his story, he sounds annoyed which we don't get often from Wooly. So anyway that's theory 1.

Theory 2 goes a bit deeper.

To preface this, I don't 100% believe in this theory I could be wrong but I just want to put the idea on the table. It started with this detail I noticed and found REALLY interesting.

When the narrator says "the knight slew the dragon, not knowing they were killing their true love" Wooly looks at his hands with this weird, wide-eyed expression, while Amanda says the knight is going to regret that.

I've always thought his reaction here was a little strange. Like it didn't make sense. But what if this line is implying something about Wooly? I do think that this story is a metaphor for something, but it isn't a word-for-word representation of what happened. It is simply a SAD STORY to cheer Amanda up. But bits and pieces of it may remind Amanda and Wooly both of events that happened in their life. Amanda might relate to being separated from someone she cares about and to being turned into a monster (in her case, the demon) without her consent. But Wooly might relate to other things. For this scene in particular maybe he hurt someone he really cared about in a way he couldn't take back and really regrets that? (like the knight killing their true love, killing someone is something that cannot be undone). Once again, I don't think it's supposed to be a one-to-one thing. This line could even be hinting at Amanda and Wooly's falling out. Amanda tells us in the final tape that Wooly did something to betray her trust. Wooly and Amanda used to be best friends. So maybe Wooly did something that really hurt Amanda, something that could not be taken back. Something that ultimately made him lose his best friend and he regrets that. In multiple scenes in this series, Wooly seems to look sad or guilty when Amanda shows anger towards him or says they aren't friends anymore. So it's very possible that this is the case. That said, another common theme with Wooly is that he doesn't seem to enjoy looking at or talking about subjects that make him uncomfortable. (When Amanda talks about death, he seems extremely uncomfortable, when they watch the cat eat the bird he says he feels like he's going to be sick and his constant changing the subject routine that happens throughout the series). So this story, that might in some way remind him of a mistake he made might be something he doesn't want to hear. He doesn't want to be reminded that he screwed up in a way he can't take back, he doesn't want to hear it.

Side note, when Wooly suggests that finishing the story might cheer her up, she doesn't object, she sits back down and looks at him (albeit still pretty upset) and waits for him to continue.

As the narrator's story continues Wooly starts to seem really angry about it. And then he starts getting really like emotionally bent out of shape. Then there's the whole, "There was a big battle, the brave knight prevailed and then-" and Wooly stops, once again having this weird look on his face. Like this got too personal.

Wooly goes on to talk about how the Knight saves the princess and they live happily ever after.

I think this could imply that at one point or another, Wooly had some sort of chance to do something to help Amanda or save her from her fate. A chance he didn't take. Maybe this didn't even happen while they were trapped, but beforehand and Amanda found out later and got reasonably upset. In any case, it does feel like Wooly may be projecting to an extent. Maybe even trying to subtly tell Amanda that he's sorry, and he doesn't like how their story went. Something that Amanda clearly didn't pick up on. This would be interesting since it's not the first time the game or it's characters have tried to tell us something subtly through a story. Amanda did it through the lonely kitten and the farm animals. I'm not 100% sure that's what is going on here, but I am acknowledging the possibility. Regardless of what Wooly was trying to do, the true ending to this is that he fails.

Going off that theory, something else that add to this is the annoyance Wooly expresses when Amanda dislikes his story. He knows this isn't the story she likes, but if he were trying to tell her something with it, it'd be pretty annoying if he felt like she was ignoring that message. As Amanda keeps criticizing Wooly's story, Wooly claims he's doing his best to cheer her up. Which is a lie. This whole "I'm going to tell my own story" is incredibly selfish and misguided on Wooly's part. Amanda clearly isn't getting the point or liking the story. Even if Wooly was trying to hide some apology in this story, it still doesn't make it okay for him to activitely ignore Amanda's feelings. Besides, even if he is trying to apologize, the apology itself probably comes off a bit mockingly? Like... "I wish our lives didn't completely suck, I wish I had done something about it when I had the chance. But I'll never actually say it to your face." Another thing- Wooly clearly seems to feel genuninely bad about whatever he did to Amanda- but he has never even TRIED to apologize to her!!!

Amanda asking "why doesn't the dragon just put her out of her misery?" I think this adds to my other theory that Amanda just wants to be out of here. She wants to bring an end to what feels like an endless nightmare.

Idk if this post makes ANY sense and like there are so many more details that I could uncover I just wanted to share these two little theories. I do actually really like the idea that Wooly might actually be trying to hint at an apology in changing the sad story to a happy one but I'm probably thinking too deeply about this. Anyway I just wanted to share my thoughts! Hope you enjoy!

Bonus:

But I thought Wooly says he doesn't like scary stuff? I mean it's just a dragon so it isn't really scary but this was kinda weird of him right?

Is this a spelling error or is it intentional and somehow important? Genuinely asking.

[aita-blorbos]

(⭐✨ to find later)

AITA for sparing his life?

Good day! I was... Actually, I'm just going to cut straight to the point.

My brother (M, 19 when he died the first time) is not a good person.

Everyone has flaws, but a good friend of mine once told me he was the lowest of the low — “if you looked up 'evil' in a dictionary, his face would be included in the definition” type low. Which is rude! But not... entirely misplaced.

He was adopted when we were both 12, and immediately set out to make my life a living Hell. He played nice, after a while, and I could forgive him... but I never forgot.

The year we were to turn 20, he died and rose again as a vampire. The method he used to do so is what I had studied for my own thesis beforehand. I never ended up a doctor, because I set out to defeat him immediately after this happened, and my work reminded me too much of him.

He killed my father to initiate the transformation, among other terrible things. He was horrible. A murderer, an adulterer, whoever he couldn't control, he devoured.

I was happy enough to kill him the one time.

And I was happy thinking he was gone. I was fine for a year. Me and my wife got married, and were on our honeymoon... when he struck again. I had failed to kill him the first time. He was still moving, even as just a decapitated head.

He offered for me to join him in immortality, again. I denied. So he set out to destroy the boat. I managed to save my wife and a young girl, but I knew that I couldn't save myself. He'd already harmed me, fatally.

I tried to hold him back, but I couldn't bring myself to kill him. He was my brother. Despite everything, I still loved him. He was going to die with me on that ship — I was sure of it! And I didn't want him to die alone. Instead, I held him.

Then I died from my wounds.

I know this, from my place in the the spirit realm: He survived, again. He stole my body, and hid under the ocean for a hundred years, and rose again even worse than before. He took advantage of my body in more ways than one, and nearly killed many of my descendants, and fully killed some of their companions.

Sometimes, I think. If I hadn't spared him, none of this would have happened, would be happening.

... Am I the asshole?

[beautiful-songbird]

Zee's 2024 Reads

Stats:

Books read ˋ°•*⁀➷ 51

Books DNFed ˋ°•*⁀➷ 8

Five-star reads ˋ°•*⁀➷ 35

Re-reads ˋ°•*⁀➷ 11

Most read author ˋ°•*⁀➷ Rick Riordan (14 novels)

Note: ☆ counts as a half star, since there isn’t a half star emoji

This was certainly a year of reading long book series and my DNFing any book that wasn't my speed immediately (sorry?)

Also if these reviews are short it's because I wrote 70% of them in one day, sorry.

↳ January (4)

Fourth Wing (reread) - Rebecca Yarros

January 11th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I anticipated this reread for a while before I finally got around to it, and it was soooo worth the wait. This book was so immersive and I absolutely love being in the world (as I'm sure you all know by now) and I even ended up giving the book 5 stars on this third read of it. Xaden was so intimidating when I removed myself from the anticipation of him being the love interest, and that was fun.

The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan

January 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was so much fun. Percy’s inner monologue took a little bit of time to get used to since I’m used to reading books from the perspective of teenage girls and adult women, but he was a very fun character to follow. I’ve always loved Greek Mythology, so getting to read a modern book with the gods was very intriguing. I thought the world was very immersive and the characters were fun. I can’t wait to see how this story progresses over the next few books.

The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan

January 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

If you’d told me I was going to be eating up a middle grade book series this year, I’d have laughed in your face. This book was so good. Tyson has to be my favorite character in the whole series so far. He’s so adorable 😭

This book, like most middle grade books, was slightly predictable. It doesn’t help that I’ve gotten probably at least one spoiler for each book, but that didn’t make the reading of it any less fun. Percy and Annabeth’s relationship is progressing a bit, and I love to see it. They trust each other a bit more in each book.

Destroy the Day - Brigid Kenmerer

January 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was everything and more I wanted out of a final book in this series…I mean…COME ON! For one, I LOVE Harristan, and we got a whole lot more of him in this book. I was eating those chapters UP!

Corrick and Lochlan had a lovely bonding in this book after being at odds with each other for the entire series, so that was nice! I really appreciate that they were able to get over their hatred for each other eventually and become really close friends 😭 the last chapter with them at the end is so near and dear to my heart, you don’t understand.

I won’t get into the nitty gritty of this plot because that was on the back burner in this story. What I LOVED about this book was the romance Harristan got. He and the person he ended up with were two characters I had been hoping something would happen between for a while and then out of nowhere - it happened! I squealed when they kissed for the first time. I’m so glad they got their happily ever after because that is truly all I ever wanted for them <3

January technically has 6 reads because I read two of my mom's books, but she's not published, so they're not on this list.

↳ February (9)

The Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern

February 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DNF

Ok so this book was like…SUPER disappointing? I read it expecting to love it because it just had that kind of vibe…and it was just so interesting. For one, the book had no actual chapters but instead section headings? There were no chapter numbers. Very odd. Also, the characters felt so distant. I think I read a good 60-70 pages of this book and I felt absolutely NOTHING for our two main characters. I probably would recommend this book if you like boring bored, idk

The Cruel Prince (reread) - Holly Black

February 11th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is my second full read of this book, and I have to say, this book is a lot better read as a politically-based plot instead of a romance. Don’t get me wrong, I love the way the romance builds in this series, but it’s a lot easier to enjoy when you’re not anticipating anything happening in Jude’s love life. I read this book originally after hearing rave reviews about the romance in it, and while I’ll say those reviews were not wrong, it was frustrating to read almost the entire book with absolutely no romance whatsoever.

There is so much to love about this book. Jude is a very compelling main character, and, despite being a little insane, she’s a very lovable main character. She’s very bold and passionate, but she’s not just a one-dimensional character. It’s very easy to get into her head and understand how her brain works, and seeing the adventures she goes on is thrilling.

There’s not much in the way of major side characters for the first two thirds of this book, and I found that I actually don’t mind it. Jude is a very entertaining and interesting character on her own that she doesn’t really need supporting characters to help carry a scene.

Cardan is not a major character in this book, but I adore him at every turn anyways. Once he stops playing the antagonist, almost every line he delivers is incredible, and I absolutely love the way he speaks. The way that he and Jude banter closer to the end of the book leaves me with anticipation for what’s to come in their romance (even though I’ve already read it!) Their chemistry builds with each scene they share, and I have to say that their relationship is definitely my favorite part of the book.

The Wicked King (reread) - Holly Black

February 12th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was as fun as I remember it being. It begins five months after the events of the last book, and Jude hasn’t found a way to get along with Cardan just yet. Seeing the two of them dance around each other and pretend their chemistry is hatred is uproariously funny, and the way that they speak to each other throughout this book is absolutely lovely to read.

But don’t be fooled, this book is not mostly romance. Jude plays her role as the true ruler of Elfhame, and while doing so, she leaves Cardan out of the loop quite a bit. The two of them fight quite a bit because of this, and while this isn’t the main conflict of the book, it fed into it quite a bit.

The number of parties in this book had me absolutely feral, and I love to see Jude and Cardan dance together. Both times they danced were unlikely circumstances, and the dance they had near the end of the book…ooh. That scene is one of my absolute favorite scenes in this entire series. The way the two of them finally (sort of) let the other in after that scene too? UGH. It makes me go insane.

This book certainly did NOT suffer from middle book syndrome, and after recently reading a book that most definitely did, I am extremely grateful. Honestly, this book might be my favorite of the three, but I’m only about a quarter of the way through Queen of Nothing, so we’ll see how I feel in a few days when I finally get around to finishing it.

The Roommate Pact - Allison Ashley

February 15th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

I’ll be honest, this book was kind of fun trash. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good book, but there was just something about it that gave me the vibe that I was reading book junk food. The characters were fun, the trauma was well-written and well dealt with, and the plot was good and probably realistic for two people in their mid-thirties.

One gripe I had with it was that half the time the characters felt like teenagers, though. If I wanted to read a book about teenagers, I’d read about teenagers. It was very odd to read about an NP and a firefighter and then have them act like 16-year-olds.

Overall, it was a pretty easy read and I had a good time, so I’d say it was worth it. It was the book I read on my Kindle while I was taking baths for this month, so…🤷🏻‍♀️ it was good bath reading or something.

The Titan’s Curse - Rick Riordan

February 17th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was just…fun! I find it interesting that despite this series following a linear and connected storyline, it doesn’t seem to have a distinct vibe. Each book I read in this series is extremely separate from the last in the terms of the feeling the world gives me, and it’s actually quite enjoyable!

This book brought a bunch of new characters into the mix and deepened our understanding of the world and the characters within it, and I really enjoyed that! It was also an extremely easy read after reading YA/NA fantasy for the past few months, so that was really nice. I was a bit horrified to look up the Heroes of Olympus after reading this and realize all of those books are between 500 and 600 pages, but we’ll leave that problem for when we get there.

Kissing Kosher - Jean Meltzer

February 18th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DNF

Honestly, this book was a huge disappointment. After how much I loved this author’s other book, The Matzah Ball, I expected to love this one too, but I just didn’t find myself as in love with the characters. It was just kinda…meh.

The Queen of Nothing (reread) - Holly Black

February 19th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was a masterpiece from start to finish. Watching Jude weasel her way back into the kingdom and spy on her enemies was so much fun!

Of course, it wouldn’t be the final book in a fantasy series without a bit more romance. Jude and Cardan finally confessed their feelings to each other, albeit in a bit of a roundabout way at first. The rising romantic tension between the two of them throughout this book was definitely the best part of it. I especially enjoyed watching Jude’s feelings for Cardan snowball as she realized how much she really loved him.

The entire main plot of this book was AMAZING. I really appreciated the way Cardan finally proved himself as king in the latter half of the book, and I loved watching him grow in his confidence over the throne. he and Jude both seemed to grow into their roles quite a bit more in this book as well as proving themselves as spies.

Overall, I don’t really think any review I could write could do this book justice. I think it is probably my favorite book in the entire series, though the second book is a CLOSE second.

The Battle of the Labyrinth - Rick Riordan

February 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

SO much happened in this book, and despite the fact that not as much happened plot-wise as I expected, it was a great read. Some of my favorite characters from past books were brought back for this book’s quest, and so much happened between the characters in this book.One thing I was super excited about in this book is that Percy and Annabeth’s relationship is finally going somewhere. I love how slow this slow-burn is, but I can’t wait to see Percy finally realize how he feels about her.

The Last Olympian - Rick Riordan

February 22nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I definitely didn’t read this in one night. I swear. It totally didn’t happe-

This book was a completely different experience from the other four. It was essentially one big battle, and usually I don’t like reading battles, but this one was exciting to read. It brought back ALL the characters, liked or not, and it was so much fun.

We got to meet quite a few of the gods in this book, and that was fun. We also got a Hades cameo, which was awesome after not seeing him for…what…four books? Three? I don’t even remember anymore. We also got a lot more about little Nico, and I love him, so that was very enjoyable for me.

↳ March (7)

The Chalice of the Gods - Rick Riordan

March 5th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was super excited for this book's release, and I have to say, it kind of let me down. Coming off reading the action-packed original five books, this book felt very low-stakes, and I wasn't really into that. Other than that, this book was really good, though! I loved seeing our original gang again.

The Lost Hero - Rick Riordan

March 9th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was insane. First of all, I love Jason. People dislike him??? Insane. He was definitely my favorite of the three in this book, and I loved to watch them go on a totally new adventure. I especially liked that it took us farther than the original series took us when the characters went on quests. Iconic. Personally, I think this was a great opener to the second series, and I loved this book thoroughly.

A Curse so Dark and Lonely - Brigid Kemmerer

March 10th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

My reading of this book was entirely a result of my enjoyment of Defy the Night, and it did not disappoint. I absolutely loved the worldbuilding here, and it captured the Beauty & the Beast retelling while also putting a completely new spin on it. That being said, I really felt like the characters were flat. The story didn't really make me care for them all that much. The situations they were put in were quite interesting, but they were very uncompelling. (Besides Grey, but he's not in this book enough to save my opinion on the flatness of the characters.)

We Hunt the Flame - Hafsah Faizal

March 12th, (N/A), DNF

This was one of like five books I rented before going to clean out my great-grandparents' house and it was just not very easy to get into. As I didn't understand a lot of the words on the first three pages, I think this book simply wasn't for me. It did seem like a very interesting read based entirely on those three pages alone, but I was too mentally exhausted at the time to put effort into reading.

A Heart So Fierce and Broken - Brigid Kemmerer

March 12th, (N/A), DNF

This is the sequel to A Curse so Dark and Lonely, and I've gotta be honest, she lost me about two chapters in. We follow two characters who weren't even in the last book, and it just felt like I was reading a different series entirely. It might've been a good book, but I really didn't like the fact that the entire book was two points of view we've never seen before.

The Stolen Heir (reread) - Holly Black

March 16th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oak is an icon, I love the romantic tension, and the book kept you on your toes at all times. Love.

The Prisoner's Throne - Holly Black

March 17th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok...this book...I read it mostly for Cardan and Jude's cameos? Yeah, sorry. I love Oak, but Wren was kinda...too much in this book? Still got five stars because Jude and Cardan ate this book up, but yeah.

↳ April (2)

The Son of Neptune - Rick Riordan

April 8th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The excitement I felt when I opened the book and saw Percy's name at the top of the first chapter is palpable. My babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼. Hazel and Frank were both awesome as the other main characters, and I loved following these characters up the west coast. This book was absolutely jam-packed with action, and the tension as we waited for Percy to get his memories back was also great. I've seen a lot of people complain about the fact that Percy lost his Achilles Heel Curse, and to that I say: ??? what fun is a character who's essentially indestructible??? I digress. I loved this book.

The Mark of Athena - Rick Riordan

April 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I don't remember this book. Something about group bonding, and Annabeth judo flips Percy. Ending was absolutely devastating and insane. It was a very good read, don't get me wrong, it's just all blurring together in my head right now.

↳ May (4)

The House of Hades - Rick Riordan

May 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

*insert five hour clip of me screaming here* Best book in the series. I don't remember anything but Percabeth but that's enough for me.

The Blood of Olympus - Rick Riordan

May 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Bro I don't remember this book either?? Like at all?? Jason gets glasses or something?? No clue. Good read, though.

The Sun and the Star - Rick Riordan

May 4th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

Oh my God 🤩 don't get me started on this book. It had soooooooo much potential, but the random info-dumping about things that were not plot-relevant knocked this book down a whole star for me. Probably the weirdest thing about this book was the assumption that everyone was straight until proven otherwise?? Have we...met the Greek gods? (They're all bi/pan/ace?) I dunno, man. Nico and Will were really cute, so I finished the book for them.

The Tiger at Midnight - Teerdhala Swati

May 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This book was sooooo rich and lovely to read. Both of the main characters are extremely compelling, and they were very fun to follow. Their dynamic is insanely good, and the ending?? Whew. I picked up the sequel to this from the library and then never got around to reading it, so I'm hoping to finish this series in the new year. If you like fantasy based more in south Asia, I would DEFINITELY recommend this.

↳ June (2)

Ace of Shades - Amanda Foody

June 9th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was like if Six of Crows and The Night Circus had a love child, if that makes sense? The main character was both very girly and very smart, which I really appreciated. The world building was very good, and I think I read this whole book in like 3 days? I initially gave this book five stars, but I think considering the actual plot, that's a bit too generous, so I'm bumping it down to a four. I did feel like there were a few too many side characters, so there is that, and the pacing was kind of inconsistent if I recall correctly?

The Darkest Part of the Forest - Holly Black

June 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

To be honest, I don't remember why I gave this four stars. In retrospect, I think it was a five star read, but I do remember the end being a little all over the place, so I'll leave it at four. Ben and Hazel are absolutely so much fun in this book, and the romance somehow delivered twice over in a standalone? Holly performing magic tricks as always. The plot twist at the very end had me absolutely GAGGED. It was the craziest plot twist ever, and completely worth the read.

↳ July (5)

The Sword of Summer - Rick Riordan

July 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆, DNF

This book was kind of boring, I'm sorry. I read like 150 pages at least and we were still in basically the same place we started in. I was actually pretty disappointed because it seemed like an intriguing read in the first twenty pages.

The Hurricane Wars - Thea Guanzon

July 2nd, (N/A), DNF

I think I read like two pages of this book and then DNFed it? It's only even on my list so I remember I did in fact try reading it. I'm pretty sure they lost me at the nine suns or whatever. I can't wrap my mind around universes that have more than one sun, so I can't commit.

The Thief - Megan Whalen Turner

July 3rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

aHHHHHHHHHHHHH GEN MY BABY. Um so. Personal call-out post for @joandragon (she will never stop getting called out for recommending this series to me. The worldbuilding. The religion. The characters. Gen's sneaky, bratty brain. I LOVE. I have never been so glad to live post-2022 (so I could read this series as a completed series). If you read nothing else in the new year, read this series.

The Queen of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner

July 8th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

aHHHHHHHHHHHHH pt. 2. Megan was crazy for this book. It's the best on in the entire series, I can say that. I can't really say much about this book without absolutely spoiling it, so I'll keep my mouth shut. This book is the definition of a book best read with no spoilers.

King of Fools - Amanda Foody

July 18th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆, DNF

The day I'm writing this review is December 16th, and I've had this book open to like page 250 since July. I can't bring myself to finish it. I don't know what happened between books one and two that this one is so much more unreadable, but I went from loving this series to being kinda indifferent to it simply because I couldn't make it through this book. Also, Levi, my guy, find someone to heal your ribs?? I'm sure someone in this world can heal people, and you've been pulling stunts too insane for a man with broken ribs.

↳ August (2)

The Grandest Game - Jennifer Lynn Barnes

August 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok, I'll admit, this book isn't as good as the original trilogy, but it is still really good. I love how Jennifer weaves soo much backstory into her books about escape rooms?? The setting for this book was also absolutely immaculate. I wanted to visit so badly.

Apprentice to the Villain - Hannah Nicole Maehrer

August 26th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok, I know this series is like if a cliche fairytale for children was a YA novel, but it delivers, ok? These two characters keep giving me all the pining that other books these days are lacking, and I am eating it up. (I am also eating up the fairytale nonsense, let that be heard.) I can't wait for book 3.

↳ September (5)

Iron Flame (reread) - Rebecca Yarros

September 15th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm not even gonna talk about this book because the review would be five pages long if I did. I've done so much yapping about this book on my FW sideblog already. I loved it. No notes.

The King of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner

September 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ohoho. This book is on repeat in my car at this point. It somehow manages to look like it has no plot while having the most plot I've ever seen in a book. I love it. Gen is such a menace. He somehow was still extremely likable even in a narrative where the main character clearly dislikes him, and that is so funny to me. That way that everything mundane and seemingly meaningless comes together in this book is so awesome. You can tell how much work and time the author put into this book especially.

A Conspiracy of Kings - Megan Whalen Turner

September 23rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

Sophos is my favorite child. He matured so much. He is so old now (he's like nineteen). This book was a disaster, but I loved it. The first half (?) of the book was really fun to read because you really get to see him turn into a man. He was so much of a whiny child before that, but it was lovely to see him grow up. This book got bumped down half a star because the second part of the book really did not hold as much excitement for me as the first half did, and I also hated the fact that the book switched from first to third person. I understand why it did, but I did not like it. I think about the scene with Gen and Helen all the time, though.

Thick as Thieves - Megan Whalen Turner

September 25th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

(Insert debate over whether or not this book was a romance.) This book was great, and it really expands the worldbuilding since we finally get a lot more background on the Mede Empire and such. I kinda expected to be bored out of my mind reading it because it doesn't really have a central political plot, but I really enjoyed the journey of following our two characters through the country.

Return of the Thief - Megan Whalen Turner

September 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok remember how I said Queen of Attolia was the best book in this series?? I lied. It's this one. Pheris is literally my baby, okay?? Being serious for a second, I really appreciated the way this book portrayed disability. Because of the framing of Pheris's character, everyone really underestimates him. Being in his head was a lot of fun, especially with the way he thinks. Also...he and Gen are buddies. Trust that I do love this.

↳ October (5)

Moira's Pen - Megan Whalen Turner

October 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Considering this is a compilation of stories that range over like 200 years or something, it's hard to give one review for all of them. The last one definitely made me cry or whatever though.

The Thief (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

October 4th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Yeah I immediately started re-reading the series, what about it?

The Queen of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

October 6th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ehehehehehehehehehehe

The King of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

October 13th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oh yeah buddy

The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller

October 17th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was absolutely tragic. As a retelling of the Iliad, you'd expect that, but I still cried at the ending nonetheless. The storytelling is immaculate, and the progression of the plot is so excessively tragic. The ending was both so so sad and so relieving. Patrochillies makes me so sad. I love the way the author uses the same sort of descriptions that were used in Ancient Greek literature. I know she's gotten into some internet arguments over it, but I personally loved it. Swift-footed Achilles, was, of course, swift-footed.

↳ November (0)

The Song of Achilles sent me into a massive reading slump and I did nothing in November except look at Patrochilles fanart and listen to Epic the Musical (send help).

↳ December (6)

Wrath of the Triple Goddess - Rick Riordan

December 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was sooooooooooo much better than #6. The tension actually kept me on the edge of my seat. I loved Percy in this book, and as always, seeing Percabeth made me so happy.

The Queen of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

December 4th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read part three, obviously. I skipped The Thief because...reasons (I was only going to reread QoA and then did not.)

The King of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

December 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Obviously I got sucked into this book too. I will be continuing the audiobooks when school is back in session and I'm driving frequently again, stay tuned!

Conceal, Don't Feel - Jen Calonita

December 26th, (N/A), DNF

I picked this book up because I was drawing one day and needed an audiobook that was available immediately and that I knew I wouldn't care if I didn't finish, and that did the trick! It was good enough to keep me occupied but not good enough that I felt obligated to finish it. It was probably around a three star book, given that I'm not really a huge fan of books that take a popular piece of media and rewrite it using exact dialogue from the original media. It was a kids book, and it read so. No issue with that, just not for me.

The Assassin's Curse - Cassandra Rose Clarke

December 28th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Beautiful, short, and to the point. Two characters to follow, three settings total, a compelling plot and some angsty backstories. That's about all you need to know. This book is apparently extremely niche because I could find absolutely nowhere I could read the two companion novellas, but I will be getting my hands on the second book probably about ten hours after I write this review. I absolutely loved the dynamic between the two main characters, and I felt like their characterization was a refreshing change of pace. The main character also has a totally unique voice in the writing, which I loved reading. It made the book feel so much more immersive.

Fawkes - Nadine Brandes

December 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book...a masterpiece. For the sake of mystery, I'll just tell you this book is loosely based off of a true historical happening in London. The story was absolutely brilliant, and I was super excited to read a modern fantasy book that was written from the main guy's perspective. You don't get that very often, and Thomas is a lovely character to follow! I read this entire book in a day, if the dates between this book and the last one didn't make that clear. I cried reading the last chapter of this book. It was deeply touching and wholly sad, but the book had a good ending, don't worry! Absolutely love Emma. She's my baby.

Hi, main account! You guys get the reading wrap-up this year because this is finally a multi-fandom blog and you guys actually care about what I'm reading!

All right so I lied in last year's post when I said I wouldn't be doing another yearly wrap-up. The monthly wrap-ups were not something I had time for once the semester got into full swing, so here we are with another long long post.

Next year's looking to start with quite a few re-reads (Six of Crows and Once Upon a Broken Heart, among other things) and at the end of January I'll get my hands on Onyx Storm finally...and then I was told to read the Stormlight Archives? So I'll be writing a post screaming at Joan over that at some point I'm sure.

[etherealstardustt]

Wasn't feeling well and sort of weird yesterday, and I just shut my study books and phone down and went outside, saw stars and moon, felt it's warm glow all over and suddenly it all made sense. like everything IS about love, at the end, it's all that persists, that remains, that keeps us going. That's why we don't stop, even when someone we love hurt us, we don't stop, we can't stop actually falling in love with yet another person(And I'm not at all talking abt just romantic love btw). It exists guys, love exists. And it will find you. I promise.

[ahalliance]

my roman empire is that one moment smth smth qsmp lore happened and étoiles responded to a chat message by saying smth along the lines of “bah baghera me fait pas confiance” and laughed tersely but i can’t remember when that fucking happened and maybe i hallucinated it . but i need to try and find it again . to satiate my qetoiles qbagz relationship and larger qfrench messy family dynamic illness

[itsalwaysdark]

i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

[bibleofficial]

realized my ‘soup’ that i ‘invented’ is just. daal. humans will always reinvent the wheel

[paigemathews]

Getting close to the end of that list now, but for the February ficlets prompt:

a charmed one with their ex bf in an unexpected situation (gen, again dealers choice of who)

Pairing: Paige Matthews & Glen Belland

Background Pairings: Paige Matthews/Henry Mitchell & Glen Belland/Jessica Belland

"Paige!"

The call was loud enough that several people looked over in annoyance, but Paige couldn't have cared less. Glen swept her into a hug while she laughed against his shoulder.

It'd been ages since she'd seen him, and so much had happened since. He seemed to agree as he pulled back, hands on her shoulders, and demanded, "You faked your death?"

"I can explain!" Paige immediately exclaimed.

"And were working for Homeland Security? When did that happen? And-" Finally noticing Henry standing behind Paige, he furrowed his brow and nodded towards him. "And whose that?"

Stepping back, Paige couldn't help her uncharacteristically shy smile as she introduced him. "Henry, this is Glen, my best friend. Glen, this is Henry. My husband."

"What?" Glen squawked.