#and then i go to the living room and it's FULL of faceless things just standing there AND MORE COMING IN THROUGH THE DOOR

[pankomako]

how did all of these people get in my house (ASSUMING they're people at all)

[fl3shm4id3n]

ᵢₜ wₐₛ ₒₙₗy ₐ ₘᵢₙᵤₜₑ

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧.

ꜰɴᴀꜰ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ꜰᴏxʏ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ), ꜰᴏxʏ x ꜱɪꜱᴛᴇʀ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ)

Tw: Spoilers? Missing children, child abduction, mentions of death, FNAF stuff, slight mental illness, mentions of getting committed, a bit emotional with an almost good ending?

A/N: I choose Foxy because he is my favorite both in the game and movie. Hope ya'll like this fic.

Masterlist

You were just gone for a moment, you had to use the bathroom, you thought that he'd be okay with the other kids. When you came out, he was nowhere to be seen. You looked for him everywhere, in the arcade, the ball pit, the bathroom. Then you heard that other kids also went missing. The police got called, you told your mom what happened. You were growing scared and desperate to find your brother. But weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. The police just stopped looking because they didn't find anything. No suspicious activities or of that sort. No one was found and they didn't even find one single body. It was as if they vanished like thin air. But you? You didn't stopped, you didn't plan on stopping until you found what happened to your brother.

Not only that, but your dreams got all sorts of weird. You had always dreamt of the same thing. You were at the Pizzeria, stepping out of the restroom, wearing the same clothes as you did that day, except the place would get darker and more sinister. The people around you have become faceless and the music sounded much more dimer. You'd spot your brother for a moment, then he'd vanish into thin air. Every time that would happen, you'd call out to him. Screaming his name around the pizzeria. You'd also hear a voice, it sounded robotic. It would always spell out something that you couldn't quite catch. But there were some letters that you could make out. 'C...O...M...E... F...I...N...D M...E...'. You were never able to hear it clearly, it sounded like a broken cassette tape. Then you'd wake up. The dream went on for years, you never really dreamt of anything else. If you did, it would always be something that happened in your childhood, evolving your brother. A lot has changed since he turned out missing.

Now it was the early 2000's, you were already an adult. Working a nine to five job at a Target at the mall and living with your mom still. That early morning, you've woken up from that dream. Again, that same dream. You walking out the bathroom, still wearing that outfit you wore that day and the place was full of faceless people and that music. God that music made shivers run down your spine. You did what you'd always do, look for your brother. It always ended with with you entering the main lobby, near the small single stage. And again, that voice. 'C...O...M...E... F...I...N...D M...E...'. You never could make out what he was saying. Then you'd wake up. You didn't understand it. You never understood it. You got ready for work. You put on your red polo shirt with your name tag and your light brown kaki pants. Before you left the room, you looked at a picture sitting in your night stand. It was of you and your brother, on his birthday. You remembered that summer how he had a pirate themed birthday party. He loved pirates. You remember how he would walk around with a black eyepatch and a hook on his right hand. You would even play with him when your mom would be out working late. You always choose to be a mermaid or the villain in his games. You missed those times.

Besides that, you never really planned on going to school for anything. That was the last thing you would be worried about. So you decided to work, maybe save up enough money to maybe hire a private investigator or someone who can help you find something. Now you were at work, doing what you'd normally do. Just helping customers and ringing them out. It was just a regular day. It felt slower than most days. You heard from your coworkers that a security guard got fired, before he punched a guy who he mistook as a kidnapper. If you were in his situation, you'd probably do the same. Now a-days you didn't know who you could trust or you couldn't even look away from a moment because something could happen with a blink of an eye. It was understandable, at least to you.

You've been invited to do things with your coworkers, except you've declined. Always telling them that you were busy or you just didn't feel like going out. It was hard for you to make friends, you had basically isolated yourself from everyone when your brother turned up missing. You never really tried to make friends again. This worried your mom. Since you'd only go to work, go home, eat and sleep. It was a repeated cycle. She had talked to you about going to see a therapist. But you always declined. You didn't want to go and talk to somebody about how after many years you're still on the hunt for your brother. They'll probably medicate you or get you committed into an asylum. You you avoided that topic.

After work, you were back home. In your room, looking through your book. This book had news paper articles, along with police reports, pictures and other things that you've kept for years. This was your kind of evidence that you kept. You'd study these stuff day and night, for the last couple of years. You never gave up. Not only that, but you've tried asking the owner of the place 'William Afton' if you could go into the place to investigate, except the guy never picked up the phone or responded to your letters. You've even tried to get the job as a security guard, but Steve Raglan, who was a career counselor didn't give you the job. He'd always say that. 'It wasn't good for your mental health' or that 'He needs someone who's more calm and collected'. What he probably meant was that he needed someone who wasn't crazy.

You were busy looking at the old, now yellow news paper. Re-reading the article about the missing kids. You've read it many times by now, you might even memorize it. Then you heard someone knock at your door, then they came in. It was your mom. Who had a face of worry. "Y/n? Have you ate anything?" She asked, looking over you saw that she still had her work uniform on, she must have got back. "No, not yet." You responded, then she got closer. Seen what you were reading. She let out a sigh, as if she was exhausted of some kind. "Again? Y/n, we've been over this." She said, then you looked over at her. "I know, but... I just got to find something." You added to her.

She looked at you, seen the dark circles under your eyes. Indicating that you didn't get much sleep. "Baby, it's been years." She said, while looking at you. "You just... have to accept that he isn't coming back." She said sadly, as if she didn't want to say it, but she did. "I know... I just... want to know what happened to him.. or at least who took him.." you added in defense. Your mom then fidgeted with your hair a bit, as if she was fixing it. "So do it, but... you have to stop this obsession. It's not good for you." She said to you. It went silent for a moment, then your mom let out a small sigh. "I'll get dinner started, I'll come to get you in a bit." She said, giving you a small squeeze to your shoulder and she left your room. You sighed, placing your hands on your cheeks and leaned on the desk. Trying to think of what your mom said. Then you looked at picture sitting on the night stand for a moment. After a whole silent minute, you got up from the desk and went into the kitchen where your mom was, to help her with dinner.

You were at the food court, you had taken your lunch break, now you were heading back. You weren't watching where you were going and you've bumped into somebody. Making them drop a book of theirs. "Shit, I'm sorry." You said, picking up the old looking small book with the title which read 'Dream Theory'. Interesting. "It's alright." He said, then you handed the book to the guy. He was cute. He had messy brown hair and slightly tired eyes. The same description as the security guy who got fired.

"Are you... the guy who got fired from security?" you asked him. He had a look of embarrassment, but he nodded. "Yeah, that's me." He said. It was quiet for a moment, but you spoke again. "What you did was understandable." You said, making him look at you with his eyes slightly wide by your words. "You think so?" He asked. "Yeah, now a-days, you don't even know people's intentions or motives. I would have probably done the same if I were you." You explained. He only nodded at your words, at least someone also thought like him. "Well, I better go, hopefully I'll see you around." You said with a small smile. He nodded and returned the smile. Afterwards, you headed back towards your work place, while he also left to his destination.

You were back home, counting the money you kept in a shoebox underneath your bed. It was enough to fire an investigator, but you knew that you'll need more. This would probably cover the bear bare minimum. It was frustrating. You've spent a whole year saving, yet it didn't feel like it was enough. You knew that you should have got a job sooner, than later. Again, you went through the same old articles and pictures. Trying to find something again. But nothing, it was the same old thing. The same words and the same people in the pictures. Of kids playing around the arcade and one of a person dressed as a yellow bunny. That was odd, you don't remember that bunny at the pizzeria. When was he added? When you looked at the picture of him posing with a girl with blonde hair in pick tails, it felt creepy in a way. Almost unsettling. You didn't really notice this picture or you probably didn't notice it at first.

It was another day, you were in the register, ringing people out. You sighed, in exhaustion. Your feet were hurting and time felt much slower than usual. Another costumer came to the register. You gave them the best smile. "Hello-" you were cut off guard, seen that it was that guy you met the other day. "Oh, it's you. Find everything alright?" You asked him, like you'd normally asked every costumer. You scanned the box of crayons and paper, along with a few things he had in his basket. "Yeah, thanks." He said, while grabbing his wallet. "Found a job yet?" You asked him, out of politeness. "If you haven't, I'm sure you could send in your application." You said. "I actually already did, but thank you for the offer." He responded. You nodded, as you placed the items in a white plastic bag with the red Target logo. "What did you find? If you don't mind me asking." You asked him. "A security guard, at some pizzeria. The pay isn't good, but it's something." He explained.

This caught your curiosity. "Really? What pizzeria?" you asked, putting the packet of bacon in the bag. "It's called, I think. Freddy's Fazbear's Pizza, something like that." He explained. No fucking way. You looked at him wide eyed. "For real?" You asked him, he only nodded. Then he gave you the amount of money that was due. As you handed him his receipt, you hesitated a bit. "When can I see you again?" You asked. "Hm, I don't know, maybe in half an hour while I still have time? Why?" He asked, now curious on why you'd want to see him. "It's cause... I'd like to talk to you about something. It'll be worth your while, I promise." You said, he thought of it for a minute, then he nodded. "Alright, I'll meet you in the food court... When does your shift in end?" he asked. "In about an hour, what's your name by the way?" You asked him. "It's Mike." He told kindly, as you hummed in response. Watching him leave in a bit of a hurry, you went back to work hoping that the time would go by fast.

After that hour, you were at the food court, waiting for Mike to arrive. He finally did. "Thanks for coming." You said almost shyly. "No problem, but just make it quick. I got to get back home to get ready for my first shift." He explained. You and him sat on a table. "Look, I know you've only known me for a bit. But, please hear me out." You said. Mike nodded, allowing you to processed. "Could you, maybe let me in the pizzeria, while you do your job. I'm just looking for something." You explained to him. He looked at you with a look of confusion. "Don't worry, I'm not going to steal anything, I'm just looking for something." You explained to him. But he wanted to know a bit more. "I don't know. What exactly are you looking for? Treasure of some kind?" He asked. "Well, almost something like that." You told him, but he still not very convinced. You didn't know whether you should tell him the whole story on why you're interested in going into the pizzeria. You just skipped the subject.

"Not only that, but I'll pay you for your troubles. I just want to go in and look, then I'm out." You added, as soon as you said 'paid' he looked at you with more reason. "How much?" he asked. "Two-hundred dollars per night. It'll just be this week and no more." You told him, seen the look of shock in his face. He thought for a minute. Then he nodded his head. "Alright deal, but, you have to pay first. I don't want to get scammed or anything." He said, then you grabbed your wallet and handed him two fifty dollar bills. He took the money and looked at it, in almost as if he'd never seen that amount in while. "That's all I have for now, but I'll give you the rest afterwards." You explained to him. Mike nodded, he seemed as if he was convinced. "Alright, it's a deal then." He said. After that was settled. "Before I go, here's my house number. Call me if anything." You explained to him, writing your house number on a piece of paper and gave it to him. You normally wouldn't give your number to anyone, but you knew that you'd be seen him for the next couple days.

Back home, you told your mom that you'd be going out at night for the whole week. For some kind of night shift and you'd be back at 6:00 am. You left home and headed to the pizzeria. It was 11:55 pm. You were sitting in your car, waiting for Mike to arrive. A few minutes passed and he had arrived at 12:00 am. On time. He told you to just be smooth and not make it seem as if you were here. He sounded as if he really needed this job. You nodded understandingly and went to search.

Like before, you searched everywhere that you could. Except you got to look more. In the kitchen, boiler room and in the back. But nothing. Despite not finding anything, you'll be back tomorrow night. When you got back to the main lobby, you heard strange movements coming from the single stage. It had dark purple curtains like the main one. You got a bit close, trying to listen and see closely on what was making the inside of the stage move. You reached out and tried to pull the curtains, until you heard the Mike called out to you. "Hey, it's 6:00, we gotta go." He said, you nodded at him, you looked back at the stage. Before you headed out. "Here's the rest." You told him, giving him the other two fifty bucks. He took them. "Thanks." He said, putting the money in his pocket. "No, thank you for letting me do this. I know it's risky." You said with a small smile. "It's nothing really, I just... really need the money and the pay here is not so great. From what I was told." He explained. You nodded. "I understand." You responded to him. "Well, I'll see you later tonight?" you asked him. "Yeah. See ya." He responded with a small awkward smile, then headed to his car. You did the same.

You went home, slept for a few hours. You had that dream once again. But, there was a slight change. When you got to the small single stage, the voice sounded much different than before. 'Y...O...U... F...O...U...N..D... M... E...' You could slightly make out the letters, but the words completely. Then you woke up again. Like always. You got ready and went to work and after work you went home, then you left to the pizzeria at the same time as you did before. Mike arrived, you paid him the while two hundred dollars and you got to doing what you were doing. You searched in the same places, but this time you looked more in the main lobby. It felt as if you were getting closer to finding something, and that something was in the main lobby. You looked under the tables, bathrooms and even in the trashcans, but nothing. But it still felt close. Looking over at the single stage, you noticed that the curtains were open. You walked over to it, and saw that it was empty. Dammit, you thought something would be in there, before you could leaned close to look inside. You heard a loud thud in the office.

Quickly you ran towards the office. "Mike?" You called out to him, seen that he was on the floor groaning in pain. Bleeding from his arm. You went over and helped him up from the floor. "You good? What happened?" you asked him, setting him back on the chair. "I think so, dunno how that happened." He said, referring to the wound on his arm. It looked nasty. You looked around the office, trying to find a first aid kit. When you found it, you helped him patch up his wound. "What did you do?" You asked him, as you tightened the bandages on his arm. "I have no idea, I just dreamed of this kid, with a pirate hook. I chased after him, then he slashed me." He said, this caught your attention. 'Boy with a pirate hook.' That must have been a sign somehow.

When you got back home, your mom was getting ready to leave. You talked for a bit before she left. When she did, you went to catch some sleep before work. You went back to that same dream, back at the pizzeria, except you were in the last place where it ended. At the single stage, it was open. But it was empty. You got close, leaning in to look inside, but it was dark. All most like a bottomless pit. You stoke your hand in to see if you might find something, inside but you felt something grabbing your hand in the process. You heard the voice again. 'Y...O...U... F...O...U...N..D... M... E...'. Then the house phone rang. Making you wake up with a loud gasp, a bit frightened. Groaning that you've been woken up. You got up and walked towards the living room. You picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello?" you asked through the phone. "Y/n? Hey it Mike, sorry to interrupt whatever you were doing, but. Did you break into the pizzeria earlier this morning?" He asked, sounding worried in a way. "No? I was home the whole time. Why what happened?" You asked him. "Apparently someone or a group of people broke in. I just wanted to conform something." He explained. "That was it, sorry for interrupting." He apologized. "It's alright, I get it. I'll see you later tonight." You said, then you hung up. Who the hell would break into the pizzeria? That was a bit suspicious. You looked at the time and saw that it was close to being time to go to work. You sighed, walking back to your room to get ready.

Later that night, you were back at the pizzeria, waiting for Michael. He arrived, once he parked and stepped out of the car, then he went to the passenger door and opened it. A little girl stepped out with a small back pack. They both approached you. "Sorry, I couldn't get a hold of the babysitter and I just couldn't leave her alone." He explained to you. "Are you Mike's girlfriend?" she asked. Making you giggle and her brother's face turned a slight red. "Nah, just a friend." You replied to her. "Hm, I didn't think he'd have any." She said, making you laugh and Michael's face becoming redder. After you had a small introduction, you went in.

The place was trashed and a mess. While Mike went to put Abby to sleep, you decided to get some cleaning supplies to help clean the mess. You went to the janitor's closet to find some things, you spotted how on the door there was a dark liquid that had been splattered on there. Weird, it looked almost similar to blood, it was probably an old stain of some sort. You got brooms, dustpans, a bucket, mop and cleaning products. Then headed back to the main lobby. When Michael arrived, you and him got to cleaning. You both swept, mopped and you stocked up the chair and tables. Afterward, he went back to the office while you went on your search. Trying to find any kind of new clues maybe, but nothing. Some 'evidence' must have been cleaned up. You headed back to the office and saw that Mike was asleep and Abby had woken up. "Can you take me to the bathroom please?" She asked. You looked over at her sleeping brother and back at her. "Yeah, lets go." You said, taking her hand and leading her to the restroom.

You were waiting outside of the restroom, waiting for her to finish so that she could go back to her brother. The door opened and she walked out. "Done." She said with a small smile. Then a small noise was heard in the stage. You and Abby looked over for a minute. "Stay behind me." You said, then you slowly walked towards the lobby, with Abby behind you. You saw how the stage slightly shook, you kept the younger kid behind you, grabbing a broom. To defend yourself. Then the curtains of both the stages opened, revealing the animatronics. Of a bunny, bear, and a chick. They were all in good condition, with a bit of dirt and dust on them. The single stage had a fox, a bright red one that was more tattered than the rest, also with some dust.

They all moved their heads, towards your direction. Then they began to walk towards you both. You don't remember them doing that. You held the broom tightly, and kept Abby behind you. Except she peaked and looked towards the animatronics. "Those are my friends." She said, removing herself from behind you and going up to the four animals. "Abby wait." You said, getting closer to them. She seemed as if she knew them. Did she? You kept your broom in hand, watching as Abby interacted with them as if she's known them all her life. You felt something touch your shoulder, looking over, you saw the red fox. He was moving his ears and hook for a hand excitedly. Instead of feeling scared, you felt some kind of attraction? "It's okay, he just wants to hug you." Abby said to you, now the animatronics were looking at you. "He does?" you asked her, she then nodded.

Turning to face the fox, that was twice your size. You set the broom aside, then you extended your arms and moved closer to him. He did the same. You wrapped your arms around the cold fur like robotic body. His arms were around your smaller body. It felt a bit odd, but the more you hugged him, it felt comforting. You felt his hook for a hand giving you small pats, as a way to ease you. This felt nice, then you pulled away from him. Looking at him in his single eye. He moved his jaw excitedly, as well as his ears. It was cute in way. You gave him a small smile. Out of nowhere Abby began to laugh, you looked over and saw how the others were tickling her. She just laughed, which lead to some playful screaming and her telling them to stop. It was all fun and games, until you heard Mike run in to see what was happening.

As soon as he got there, he assumed Abby and you were in some kind of danger, he then grabbed a chair and held it up, as Freddy approached him. About to fight him. "It's okay Freddy, he's my brother Mike." Abby said towards Freddy, who had seemed to have calmed down. Allowing him to let Mike pass. "Mike, this is Bonnie, Foxy and Chica. Everyone, this is Mike." Abby introduced everyone to on another. "This is... is a joke right?" He asked, looking confused at you. "I thought I was tripping, but no." You responded to him. "It's okay Mike, they just want to play." Abby told Mike, then Chica turned to her and gave her a wink, making her smile.

"Alright, it's time to go, come on." He encouraged Abby. "Hold on." She responded to him, then she grabbed her little notepad and a red marker from her pocket. She drew something real quick and tore it off the notepad. Bonnie held out his hand, letting Abby put the picture on his palm. He then showed the picture to Foxy who looked very interested in the heart drawn on the paper. "I had a lot of fun." Abby told them, she then walked towards Mike. But stopped and gave Freddy a nice hug. Freddy returned the hug back. You looked at Foxy, who was waving his ears and jaw rapidly again. Also waving his hook around as if he was waving at you. "I'll see you around?" you asked him, he nodded his head. Then you walked out of the place with Mike and Abby.

"That was something." Mike said, watching Abby get in his car. "Yeah, it was." You responded, looking back inside, seen that Foxy was near the door. You guessed to make sure that you would all leave. You turned back to Mike who was closing and locking the gate. "So, find something?" He asked again. "Not yet, but I'm much closer than before." You explained to him. After he finished locking up the door. "I better get going. I got work in a few hours." You told him. "Alright, I'll probably stop by." He teased, making smile. "Alright, don't be a stranger." You told him, then you looked at Abby. "Goodbye Abby." You said kindly to her and she gave you smile, then you headed to your car, turned on the engine to get home. Back home, your mom wasn't there. You assumed she went to work early. You took off your shoes and just jumped on the couch, getting comfortable. Taking yet another nap before work. Hopefully afterwards you could get some better sleep. You fell asleep shortly afterwards.

You back at the pizzeria, except wasn't almost scary looking and dark like before. It seemed more friendly and nice to be in. You were standing outside the bathroom, the same clothes as before. Looking around, you saw someone in front of the single stage, they were small, like a child. You got closer to see who it was. Your eyes widen when you saw the back of that person's back of his head. They slowly turned around. You saw that it was your brother, he looks just like how he did when he went missing. He had on his orange shirt with blue jeans, shoes and his pirate hook that he had made.

"You found me." He said, you felt your eyes watering. It's been so long since you've seen your brother. You almost forgot how he looked like. You said his name in a whisper, then you went over, getting on your knees and pulling him into a hug. "Oh...I'm so sorry, I was only gone for a minute. I knew I should have been more watchful of you." You said, as you cried more, hugging your brother. "It's okay. You found me" He responded to you, all you could do was hug him and cry. As much as you wanted to continue to hug and be with him, you couldn't. This was only a dream. You pulled away, and looked at him in the eyes. "Please... I have to know... who took you?" You asked him, hoping that he'd give you answer or a clue. He didn't say anything. "Please tell me, who took you from me and mom?" You asked him again, but again. Nothing. Before you could ask him again. You woke up.

ₙₑₓₜ ₚₐᵣₜ

[songsofadelaide]

"Lives have grown roots around each other. We both know the truth is, we don't really care to find any room to doubt each other. We're tied by the roots of whatever we share."

Zoology major!Laios x crim student!reader who were introduced to each other by your mutual friend, physics major!Marcille, whom you took general education subjects with. You and Laios couldn't be any more different from each other, but you unexpectedly clicked after going on one coffee date together. He is a pretty lively character who is chronically online, and his Instagram is filled with his fascinations— reptiles and amphibians. He mentioned that he wanted to go for a herpetology masters degree when he graduates.

Laios was equally interested in your aspiration to become a lawyer, and eventually a judge. You told him that your pursuit of justice stems from a deep-seated desire to see something happen— and you joked that it was a long story for another coffee date— which he quickly agrees to. (When asked about your date, he told Marcille that you were cute. You said the same thing. Marcille felt like an accomplished matchmaker. She asks you guys to tell her more about your next date, too.)

Your different majors meant different class schedules, so you two try your best to meet up whenever you can, especially when you both have your vacant hours. You follow each other on Instagram now, and he posted a photo of your coffees and sandwiches and his mysterious, faceless date with the caption "🦎💗🦎", to which his many friends and followers blasted likes and comments on.

"Oh, Marcille just texted me. She said this is a... soft launch? Does she mean soft lunch? Sandwiches are soft and light, after all."

You laughed. And Laios swore the sound was sweeter than his coffee.

Your friends and blockmates are both baffled and amused by the handsome zoology major frequently showing up outside the Faculty of Law building on campus with your favourite snack and drink onhand. Likewise, Laios's blockmates are puzzled by your presence in the College of Science building, usually just to drop off some energy boosters for him. (You bring him orange eggs and fish balls every once in a while since you both like them, but you always remind him to eat well and eat full meals.)

Laios made your supposedly grueling days in uni much more fun than you anticipated. Criminology wasn't for the weak-hearted and you had your challenging days, too. But Laios was so full of life and his carefree smile was something you wanted to protect, along with the rest of society. On your second anniversary, he gifted you a very detailed bearded dragon plush. While his major required him to be on the field most of the time, he always made sure to call or message to update you on his whereabouts and what he and his blockmates have been doing. Most of the time, you don't hear him say how much he misses you when you fall asleep while on video call.

You did not choose to call it quits when the time for majors came. Laios wasn't one to give up on something he adores— he loves— so why would you? His pursuit of knowledge for his favourite cold-blooded creatures brought him to James Cook University in Queensland, Australia, while you continued your pursuit of justice as a law student in one of the finest schools in your very hometown.

Laios returns home to you after three years in the Australian outback and marshland— taller, tanned, stubbly and still so lively. He was still the same dreamer you met so many years ago, and you're suddenly filled with dread that you might be holding him back from a life that suited him more. When he noticed how withdrawn you became, he was suddenly filled with dread that he might be too much of a distraction to you as you continued law school. Marcille wasn't having any of that, though, and carefully orchestrated a way for the two of you to bring your concerns to the table, just like how she orchestrated your first meeting.

"I love you," he said, but it's not his words that pull at your heart, but the way his eyes lit up when he gazed at you. He held you in his arms as you cried.

"I know. You still look at me like I'm made of starlight even though my glow has been dulled by so much cynicism."

Laios slept a little bit too deep that night, obviously relieved to still have you in his life. You always did like how honest he was. It was the very thing your profession required but not everyone in the field had it in them. You lay on his chest and breathed a sigh of relief yourself. You may as well be talking to the moon, but you needed to let him know how strongly you felt for him too.

"You are every good in this unforgiving world, and I know it will never forgive me for holding you too close to my heart. This world needs a spirit like yours— warm, curious, forgiving— to heal itself from its curse of indifference and unkindness."

"—come acclaimed and internet famous herpetologist— a reptile lover, people! In case you don't know what that is— wildlife educator and conservationalist Laios Touden! We're glad to have you with us today!—"

"—sure is all mine! Glad to be he—"

"Oh, turn that thing up, Falin!" You excitedly stepped out of your bedroom and found your sister-in-law Falin humming to herself as she helped herself to a glass of juice in your kitchen. She reached for your TV remote and turned up the volume.

"That interview's today, huh? Are you going to watch all of it? You have a trial to attend to, right?" She asked you with a small smile on her face.

"Just seeing his handsome face already cheers me up so much," you replied to her with a dreamy sigh. "But anyway, you're right! I should head court now. That's what he'd want me to do."

"I'll look for links to the interview online if you want."

"Thank you, Falin!"

The young woman left at home in her brother's house turned her full attention to the interview this time, an amused smile on her face as she watched and listened to his television interview.

"—you know, my wife is a Supreme Court Justice, one of the youngest ones, too! And I'm really proud of her for that. On her first day on the job, she reopened a cold case relating to the deaths of several environmentalists from 200X. It was such an old case, but it was important to her, and to me, to an extent. Her family was par—"

"—nly able to do my job, happily at that, is because of her will to protect environmentalists and put those responsible in jail—"

"My, he sounds so eloquent. I suppose a certain judge helped him with that," Falin laughed to herself. "I should call Marcille and tell her about this interview, too."

[threepandas]

Bad End: Royal Red

Have you ever seen blood BURN like the sun?

I'm not even sure "burn" is the right word for it. Writhe? Scream? HATE? Like a standing on a cliff, staring down at a valley consumed in flames. Old forests full of life... burning. Dying. Wrong.

The sky choked with thick black smoke. Tar-like and staining. The ROAR of it. Moisture ripped so utterly from the air, it hurts to breathe. Heat so absolute as it rises... you can not imagine there was ever, EVER life here.

But there was.

And it was once beautiful.

Ancient and green, bird song and morning mist. Moss beneath bare feet and the gentle quiet that is no quiet at all. A thing ALIVE. Breathing. Whole. Now gone beneath the flame. The carnage and hunger. As animals flee for their lives and your men die, desperate to hold back the all consuming spread.

Nothing but FIRE remains.

But have you seen BLOOD burn? The weeping wounds of a soul? The... WRONGNESS inside a man, catch light? A shade of ever overlapping crimson. Drying blood somehow just as fluid as the fresh. Old wounds and new. Somewhere, the depth of scars...

BURNING.

I have.

I do.

I wish I did not.

There is something... WRONG with his Highness. Now, the Crown Prince. He... He HAD brothers. Some were awful, others indifferent. But all of them? All of them are gone. Terrible accidents, allegedly. One after another. And they were NOT the only one's. Consorts, lovers, mistresses and supporters. Allies and anyone unfortunate enough to be in his Highness' way.

But of course, I can prove nothing. And to SUGGEST such a thing? That would be Treason. Defamation of a Royal. That it is TRUE? Holds no bearing. Is utterly irrelevant. Even if I HAD had the proper training, even I'd my Gifts WERE formally recognized, ultimately? Politics is King.

It's not supposed to be. But when has life ever been so kind? When has "supposed to" EVER won the day? No. Such talk gets men killed. And dying once? Was quite enough for me.

Though I HAD to wonder...

How does a Protagonist fuck up SO BADLY, that they somehow send their Hidden Route target, into an empire conquering, murder spiral? That's not "a few bad choices" levels of making a mistake. THAT'S? Damn near deliberate sabotage and I just wanna talk. Violently.

I WOULD too, if I wasn't pretty certain they were either on the run or in exile.

All I had wanted? ALL I HAD EVER WANTED?? Was to just be set dressing. Soldier A, the unimportant background gaurd. A nice, faceless, grunt. Maybe chat with my equals of plot significance, a potted plant and yonder chair. Then? I could take my pay, go home, and live quietly.

But NO!

I get stationed following the Seventh prince. Mr. Hidden Route himself. Which? Okay, fine. Was HOPING for gate duty, cause NOTHING happens on gate duty, but FINE. But THEN? Half my co-workers are ASSHOLES. Like... child abusing assholes! The FUCK?!

So? Oops. Accident on the stairs! Whoops! Lemme help you there, man. Oh? Did I ACCIDENTALLY crush the hand you used to hit that kid? Golly! Gee, I sure hope the healers can fix that for you! (I fucking know they both can't and wouldn't if they could. You can't afford SHIT.) Lemme HELP you there, AGAIN, BUUUUUDDY~☆!

Threatening you? Why I would NEVER! That's illegal!

You know... like hitting kids.

And OTHER shit they try to pull. Never DID get around to updating my Gaurd Forms. Whoops. Turns out being able to literally SEE the malicious intent on a fucker? Makes it pretty easy to know who to watch. DID get jumped a lot though. Stabbed a few times.

I just? Wanted to watch my favorite Otome game play out, you know? Get payed while doing it. Sunk cost fallacy kicked in. I've been here since I was a PRE-TEEN. Signed up for training, a ten year contract, and everything! I can LEAVE now... but like? Go WHERE? And honestly... I'm not actually sure I CAN.

Things are... Tense.

Or maybe they're just tense for me? 'Cause... Cause something isn't right. It's that burning blood color. The way it fills a room. Reaches, covetous, like staining hands. Writhes and drags itself against everything. Something unholy, between a lustful grind and the dragging of the wounded. It's not even demonic. No... somehow? It's WORSE for being utterly human.

There is something deeply wrong with the man I am sworn to obey, and I do not know how to escape him.

Because I definitely SHOULD.

I'm not stupid. He's been... been keeping me, SPECIFICALLY, close at hand, since becoming Crown Prince. The SECOND he was able to assign his OWN gaurds? I am suddenly honor gaurd. Yet not. I have basically no job but to stab just behind and to the side of him and look pretty. (For the given quality of THAT.) And...? Even the other gaurds are looking nervous.

It's NEVER a good thing when powerful people suddenly pay attention to an individual gaurd, servant, or maid. They tend to end up... hurt. Dead. Worse. And given recent behavior? Well... I've been getting offers to quietly arrange an "accident" for me.

Not so sure it won't get everyone involved killed.

He wasn't always LIKE this. Yeah, he was... different, but it wasn't BAD. Just... off. A bit weird. A color I hadn't seen before and couldn't for the life of me figure out. It had been... well, nothing. Not even grey. I KNOW grey, it's apathy or depression. Emotional flatness.

But his Highness? Like mist. The lite distortion of water droplets. Colorless and near weightless, drifting gently along. It was as though he DIDNT have emotional responses to anything. Not even flat. Just... non-existant. Which? If so? That's okay! Really. Takes all types. Something to NOTE, yeah, maybe accommodate? But fine.

It's not like there were psychiatric meds or doctors we could get for him. If he was different, so be it. We just had to work around that. Plan accordingly. Worst case scenario, maybe keep him away from small breakable things. But? He seemed benign. I shrugged and moved on. Accepted him as he was.

Maybe went out of my way to explain things with logic more then feelings. Even when I WAS explaining feelings. Ethics. Pretty much anything else he asked. Which... wait a second...

Fuck.

A nameless gaurd SHOULD NOT know that much about psychology or politics. Economics on the macro or micro scale. Oh god DAMN it Wikipedia! You betray me a lifetime away?! Et Tu random research binges!?

Okay. Okay! So maaaaybe? THATS why he's keeping me close? Cause yeah, I'm pretty stacked these days. No internet kinda leaves nothing BUT time to train and read... and books are kinda hard to get, at my level. So like? Maybe a second set of eyes?

....doesn't feel right though. Close but missing the obvious mark-ish.

I try to think of my interactions with the prince. BEFORE murder-spiral kick-off. He sought me out a lot. I interfered so many times when his Tutors crossed lines, they got me kicked out of the main building. He started skipping lessons to self-study. I got put on patrol? He learned my patrol schedule. Would invade the gaurd mess.

Got punished for that, I think. Vicious cycle. I get punished, he gets upset, wants to make sure I'm okay, I get punished for his basic empathy and being a kid. They kept reassigning me. I got stabbed that first time. Sent too...

Wait.

I try to pull up what I know of the Game in my brain. The Hidden Route and the other Routes. We are.... WAY off script. Not off GENRE... just...?

Mentally I set the Game aside. Shifting in my guarding position at the Crown Prince's side. He continues to work. The soft rustle of papers and the scratching of his pen, filling the silence along side the clink and shift of my armor. We are in the sun room, surrounded by flowers, supposedly for the better light.

To be honest, I hadn't ever BEEN in this room until I was basicly expected to tail the Crown Prince like a glorified, armor wearing, pet. And too be honest? Given that the REST of his honor gaurd were ACTUAL KNIGHTS? It was well beyond ridiculous at this point.

I was a club bouncer surrounded by elite special forces, in fancy little armor, that I could in NO way, have ever afforded on my own. Oh, and I wasn't really allowed to talk to them. So... WHY? Why, EXACTLY, was I here? There was no realistic way anything could get PASSED all those knights. I certainly wasn't PROTECTING the Crown Prince from SHIT.

And... and he hadn't attacked me, thank God. No touchy hands "service to the crown" shtick. Demanding things I couldn't refuse him. So THAT wasn't it...

Right?

My brain insisted it wasn't. That I should keep going over the list of possible reasons. Consider This or That. But... Something in my gut? Rang like a struck bell. Some non-physical part of me. That peice that twined, like gentle golden ivy, up through my body, too wrap around my eyes from the inside. Not enough, maybe, to get me into some high and mighty school or apprenticeship... but ENOUGH.

Because Magic was, is, and always has been? Divine. For all that HUMANS fail while using it. For every MORTAL error in it's implementing or understanding. It's a drop of the Divine. And? You can not LIE to the Gods. Hide, perhaps, but not LIE. Even then, you'd have to know what you're hiding FROM.

Kinda hard to hide from "using past life knowledge to deduce motivation" when that's not exactly a thing people can easily guess I HAVE. I get away with shit. Know things I really shouldn't.

Am.... am desperately trying to convince myself that the twinge I just felt? DOESN'T mean what I think it means. Even as a cold sweat breaks out over my skin. As I desperately keep my expression placid and my stare straight into the middle distance. Ha ha.... oh god. No no no, oh god, no...!

Okay. OKAY! Lying to yourself will NOT keep you safe! We can do this! Nothing is happening. We just... just have to play it cool. NOT. PANIC.

He DID want us for sexual reasons.

But... more? More, maybe. I poke at the feeling. Try to frame my thoughts as absolute statement as see if I get a twinge again. To get a feel for the edges of whatever is happening. I can not protect myself, if I do not KNOW from what I protect AGAINST. Just sex? No. Was I a convenience choice? Also No. Revenge for something? A sudden certainty that I'd be DEAD if it was.

Oh, THATS not concerning at ALL!

Okay, keep prodding. Uuuuh... He has a thing for big muscle-y dudes with scars? Strong yes. Okay! Getting somewhere! Kinda thought he liked the petite, girly girl-ish typ-? Weirdly hollow No? Strong. Okay, what the FUCK. See THIS? THIS is why I wanted to be a fucking GAURD. No weird Protagonist of any adventures bullshit! Just a 9-5 with a paycheck at the end!

Uuuugh. Okay, soooo... likes? Strong dudes.... and I was the closest? No. Okay! Getting somewhere! Other strong dude... isn't available? Yes, but I am looking at it wrong. Great. At least I know what that feeling MEANS. Still wish it would just follow up with a "and btw, here's the answer~☆" but, fuck no! Why would life make anything EASY for a guy?

Fuck it! Random shit at the wall time. He's definitely in love with the Protagonist? No. Wait, really? Then why...? No. Stay on track. He's in definitely in love with ME? I wait, utterly expectant, for the twinge that will mark a negative. Half cursing myself for not checking with the Divine sooner. There had been no excuse. Distractions, yes, but no excuse.

It feels like getting sucker punched in the gut. HARD.

Takes everything in me, not to wheeze and double over. That... that wasn't a "yes". That was so FAR beyond "yes" I'm not sure there are spoken, written, or even conceptual WORDS for it. As absolute a CONCEPT of Yes as I have ever felt or probably ever will.

It... It did NOT feel good.

That was a WARNING.

Like the Gods them selves had taken me by the back of the neck, stepped close, to whisper in my ear as they drove their fist into my gut. "Pay Attention To This. RUN. You Need To RUN. There Are Monsters Here."

My eyes feel like they are burning. Like I haven't blinked in too long. Colors a bit too bright, details too sharp. The edges of reality cutting like splintering, glittering, glass. Everything has a GLOW to it. It's never done that before. Is... is this panic? Fight or Flight forcing me to draw deeper then I ever have before?

Or are the Gods paying attention? Displeased by what they see?

The room around us is... is so quiet. Beautiful. Rare flowers, teeming with life. Decorative and pampered little song birds, flitting from roost to roost. The rich scent of rare tea and expensive cologne, mixing with armor polish and the scent of green, living things. Sunlight makes his Highness' hair glow like it was made of it. Pale gold and filled with light.

If I could not SEE... his Highness would be beautiful.

But I can, and instead? He's terrifying.

I think I'm shaking. I don't understand. The room around me picturesque. Peaceful. Golden and filled with gently beautiful things. Light. It feels mocking. Paper thin. Like some cruel trap laid out over a pit of tar. As though, like in the cartoons of my old childhood, the INSTANT I become aware... acknowledge the reality of my ACTUAL surroundings?

The paper thin veneer will rip, no longer able to hold my weight, and I will be plunged into the horrors just beneath the lie.

How.... HOW did-?! I... I CAN'T-!

I put everything I am, into letting nothing show. E-Everything is FINE. Do not turn around. Please. Please, Gods, do not notice me or turn around! I breathe. Breathe. Can't do nothing now, but breathe. Panic is the mind killer. I remind myself of that. People do stupid things, when they act in panic. Think. THINK! Plan. THEN act! Breathe.

How? HOW did this happen? Trace it back. Find the source and we can... can maybe unhook the noose. Fix this? Escape? Run and keep running. Find the edge of the map and keep going. Where did it...? My brain, maybe my magic, finally takes pity. Connects the wires that have long been JUST missing each other. My mental list of Genre Troupes. My history with the Prince.

The blood drains from my face.

Oh fuck. Shit! Oh fuck, oh SHIT. Yandere. He was a YANDERE hidden route character! Wasn't he!? It's the only thing that makes sense with the-! No, no, he should still-! But, wait. No. No, no, NO. Oh god! I pulled a combo attack. "Childhood best friend" even though we WEREN'T. I was basically the closest in age to him! AND the only non-asshole! So that's "Different From The Others"!

Oh mother FUCKER, I pulled a "Only One Who Cares About Me" while SERVING him! His fucked up little squirrel brain would have taken that as "belonged to him" only to have me "taken away" when I was assigned elsewhere! Every time I kept someone from ABUSING him, I was making it WORSE. Every time they reassigned me, somebody was "trying to take me away"!

Oh sweet merciful FUCK, I got STABBED!

No WONDER he lost his absolute shit! He was unhinged to begin with! But instead of latching on to Protagonist and being HER problem, he latched on to ME! Why did no one warn me he was-!? Actually, I have no idea. Non-Just-Straight?! That! One of the THAT! Like FUCK I'm asking! He'd think it was an invitation, probably!

Because he NUCKING FUTS! Squirrels in the brain! Def Con OH SHIT!!

Yandere! Shit! I'm gonna di-!

"Something's upset you." The crown prince's surprisingly deep voice says, breaking the silence. I flinch. "I can feel your magic moving. An attack, perhaps? Or is someone saying something they should not."

He... oh, great, amazing! He can FEEL my magic. The magic INSIDE me body. That magic. Yeah, I don't feel stripped naked and on display AT ALL. Thanks! Definitely not invasive, your Highness! Still, I have to answer. Carefully. Very, VERY carefully.

He hums, disbelieving, as I reply. Lifting his pen and setting it aside. A graceful hand lifts. The mere flick of his fingers. "Move" it means. "Come where I can see you". Imperious and royal. Casual in it's assumed control of me. Why would he believe anything else, after all? He IS a prince. The CROWN Prince. Future KING.

He DOES own me.

I keep my breathing even. Keep my hands from visually shaking by tightening my grip on my spear. Even, professional, steps. Forward. Turn. Face your ruler. Your BETTER. No eye contact. Even breathing and eyes to the horizon. You are a statue. Just... just be a statue. No thoughts. You can do this.

It doesnt help. I can FEEL those pale, pale eyes. Striking and blue. Rare flower petals or glacier ice, they have been called. Compared to all sorts of haunting things. The Crown Prince is a beautiful man. That dangerous sort of pale beauty, that make for excellent portraits, of bright and holy things. That fools the eyes into thinking surely, SURELY the soul before your is Good. Trustworthy.

How could anything so beautiful be DANGEROUS?

Be corrupted and insane? A killer. A madman.

A MONSTER.

I stand at attention. Where he can observe me. His little toy soilder. Kept like a PET, I know realize, and try not to feel like I am being picked apart. Like a mouse in some tigers cage. The far wall sure is fascinating. Mmmmhmm. Very... very wall-like. Glass and artfully arranged flowering vines. Very pretty. What a wall! Ten stars for wall-ness.

The near silent shift of fine fabrics. A tap. Nail on high grade armor alloy. Just the smallest of sounds that nonetheless seems deafening. I barely stop myself from jerking back in alarm. Can't prevent my gaze from snapping downwards. To the arm outstretched, the elegant hand curled, the well manicured finger nail on the single outstretched finger... that has placed itself right over my heart. I freeze, utterly.

"You're getting nervous, aren't you? Growing uncertain. I've been so busy planning ahead, I've forgotten the here and now, haven't I?" He muses. That finger I should not be able to feel, that somehow feels like a knife trailed along my skin, glides slowly down. A meandering path down towards my belt. "I've neglected you."

The finger hooks into my belt. I am dragged forward a few stumbling steps with a deceptively strong tug. There is significant muscle, hidden by the almost waifish cut of his Highness daily wear. The eyes watching for my reaction are predatory. Intent. It was as though there should be fangs, in that pleasant, politician's grin...

"My steadfast knight, warrior of my heart, you've been so patient for me... so LOYAL." He rolled the word across his tongue as he said it, eyes locked on me with the sort of interest hunter keep, more a sigh then a word. Somehow.. Somehow the concept became OBSCENE, once in his hands. "So good for me. Even after all this time. Soon, Dearest. Soon we won't have to hide. I promise."

I had NEVER been a knight. Not even CLOSE to qualified for the training. Not even a single branch, magical or otherwise. Worse? I knew for a FACT? We had never, not ONCE, been lovers. No stolen glances. No fumbling youthful hands. No "hey, let's explore this closet!". Nothing. I? Had been studiously professional, if a decent human being.

This was ALL him.

What narrative had he painted in his head?

My heart pounds. My brain somehow both gibbering hysteria and unnatural calm. I... I think I may be disassociating. But all I can think, all I KNOW, is that I can NOT, Under ANY Circumstances, break the illusion. Do NOT argue. Why YES, deeply insane FUTURE KING, I DO love you so VERY much! Hey, don't mind me, just left the phone running. Gonna go for a walk. Buy some milk.

I watch, pleasant service industry smile feeling plastic on my face, as he leans forward. Rests his head against my armored chest, as though we were lovers. Just stealing a quite little moment alone. His hand slides along my belt, fingers hooked into it, the brush of his knuckles feeling far filthier then any groping hand. I can HEAR him breathing me in.

Obscene. How is he making such chaste contact so deeply obscene? He let's out a pleased hum and I want a shower.

"Kneel for me?" So soft I almost don't catch it, it takes a moment to register the words. This time, I can not stop myself from tensing. I know he feels it, but can not bring myself to care. "Shhhh shh shh, none of this, my Darling. To your knees before your King. Sweetheart, my dearest. You're going to be serving me there for the rest of our lives. It's okay. Your King won't rush you. He knows how shy you are. How nervous."

W-Well THAT wasn't treason! At ALL! Ha ha...! Oh god.

Hands at my waist. When did the other one-?! I'm shaking. Smile. D-dont set him off. This is fine. I... I shouldn't be ABLE to feel their heat, through my armor. Somehow I do. I want to back up. If I got to do this? At least let me-!

But, no. Pressure. Hands on my hips dragging me down, watching eyes expectant. In stops and starts... like a seizing automaton, my knees bend. Down I go... I guess.

Almost instantly, there are hands unbuckling my helmet. Sliding it off. Stealing it away. Fingers slide through my hair. Cup my cheek. A thumb running itself across my mouth. The prince seemed to loom. Hungry as he stared down at me.

"Beautiful. My loyal knight is so, SO beautiful. I am going to give us the world. Take what is ours. No one will EVER hurt us again, Dearest. I will keep you forever. Dress you in armor and roses. Mine and mine alone."

There was madness in his eyes. Obsession. Is...is that what that color meant? That burning, terrible blood? It's too late. Oh god, it's too late for that to help me. I smile. Do not argue. Fear and fear and fear. I have to get out. On my knees, it is a terrible view of what's to come, should I fail. The Games's utterly fucked. I no longer care.

I have to get out.

The King, after all, has gotten sick lately.

[s1llyalabaster]

Let Begones be Begones - Veritas Ratio

Where Ratio conceals his identity as a faceless and voiceless streamer, until he finally reveals himself to your surprise. College au! and also streamer au! Exes to lovers, reader is a bit sassy. ~1k words, SFW

a/n: i feel like i don't often write in ratio's perspective, so i wanted to give a go at it...

"FUCKING HELL!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!" The purple-haired man had heard through the thin walls separating your apartment flats. This had been the third time in probably an hour where your yells and screams had nearly broken Ratio's ears.

Yes, Ratio was a streamer himself, but at least he was courteous to his neighbours enough to use a text-to-speech application and an elaborately-designed model when streaming, so he didn't need to reveal his voice nor appearance. Hardly anyone knew about his job as someone who blabbers on the internet for money. Not his boring Architecture major classmates, nor his closest childhood friend, Aventurine.

One of the few people who knew about his side gig was the precisely the person living in the flat next to his. You see, you two shared the same passion for sciences and such, and ended up applying for the same major, which didn't end up very well, with a falling-out happening just months ago.

Ratio had seen you while throwing out the trash once, and upon his eyes meeting yours, his face morphed into a scowl that slowly spread across your face too. An eye roll was more than enough to show his dismissal of your existence, even after all the joyous times you two spent together. Or that time where holes were practically burning into his skull when he was presenting his "new idea of architectural geniusness".

He also knew that you two shared the same job, thinking nothing of it, as his method of earning money was too intelligent to not garner a few copycats here and there.

After a long day of studying and attending classes, turning his monitor on was the last thing Ratio wanted to do. Yet, he promised his viewers a "facecam" stream to celebrate his first year of streaming (which was also his first year of being stuck in ths terrible apartment complex). He did his usual routine of setting up his stream, with an additional flick of his bangs due to his first appearance as himself on stream.

Ratio went along with the stream as usual, doing his greetings, reading his donations, and throwing (jokingly) vile remarks at his chat. He wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, so with one last look at his phone camera, he turned off all his assets.

"Well, asides from me feeling extremely bare and upfront upon the eyes of you idiots, any thoughts?" Ratio spoke, his real voice unconcealed.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH- WHAT?!"

The man's head swiveled to the side in alert, eyebrows narrowing in annoyance. Your shrill shriek had once again assauted his ears. THE Veritas Ratio hadn't think this through enough, huh?

He sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat after the stream ended. Ears perking up at the loud knocks on his apartment door, Ratio dragged his tired body to the doorway, knowing full well that he would be bombardde with countless questions.

"What now?" He grumbled.

"YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'VE BEEN HIDING THIS," your finger jabbed at your phone displaying his streamer profile, "FROM ME?" Ratio sighed, body practically slumping against the door frame. "Nobody said that being a streamer's exclusive to you. Now just- go back to your room before I slam the door in your face."

The realisation that you've been watching his streams was slowly dawning on his barely-function mind. Considering the type of content that he made which only appealed to a small audience compared to gamers or E-girls, he knew basically every recurring viewer.

Including the one who has been spitfireing snarky chat messages at him ever since the falling-out.

Oh.

It was comically ironic how Ratio was the one who ended up knocking on your door the next morning. He felt awkward, brain tingling from the predicament. This was the first time (not counting yesterday night) that he's talked to you personally in weeks, even months. His feet was tapping in impatience, hearing you stumble through your way to the door.

"Oh, it's you. What happened to wanting me to get out of your face?"

Ratio's fingers ran through his hair, strands of violet falling to his eyes. He was uncharacteristically silent, racking his brain for a proper reason that wouldn't make him lose his face.

"Well, I just- You know... Ugh! Why do you have to make this so difficult?!"

"I just... wanted to know why you decided to watch my streams."

You chuckled at his coy form, you wanted to burn it into your retinas. Not only because it was a very, very rare occurence, but also because you never wanted to let go in the first place. Ratio was the one who decided to break it off, saying that you were a distraction to becoming a greater scholar. You still remembered how hard you cried that night, and thinking back, he'd probably also remember due to how thin the walls were.

"Listen, it's not like I wanted to stalk you or something, I just happened to learn about it through a mutual friend. So if you're trying to manipulate me or hurt me again, today's not the day for it."

Ratio faltered. He didn't expect your sharp words to hurt this much. Each and every time he saw you in class, the deeper the hole in his heart would go. It's not like he wouldn't like to pursue you again, he was just incredibly scared. And knowing Ratio, he'd never admit to that.

You sighed, beginning to find the conversation pointless. You decided to turn back and return to your room to continue working on your essay. But before you could, a calloused hand grabbed your wrist firmly. You looked back to see Ratio with his head hung low.

"The things that you do to me... How come someone like me, someone who was born to use logic and reasoning, be so impulsive when it comes to dealing with you?"

You smiled, interlocking your fingers with his, gently rubbing your fingers on his callouses from writing and researching. He didn't disappoint you this time, and you knew that he wouldn't hurt you again.

You two shared a hug before you led him into your apartment.

"What's with all the mess? You'll never have a clear mind with such an unruly space."

Looks like he was back to his usual self.

[xhoneygirlxx]

Still Adore You (With Your Hand Around My Neck)

Epilogue: Destroy Myself

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

summary: this is the beginning of the end. the start of a chaotic relationship you just can't seem to leave.

warnings: Eddie and Reader are in their 20s. Modern Au! kind of mean Eddie. rated R for smut, 18+ only Minors DNI!! unprotected p in v. cream pie. swearing. shitty writing and grammar errors.

*if i miss anything let me know*

a/n: hello my loves! this is part one to my still adore you series! i hope you guys like it as much as i do. thank you all for the love and support you've given me, i love you all so much <3

Also if you are an ageless/faceless blog you will be blocked. please have something on your profile so I know you are not a minor and are not a bot.

series masterlist

I pray my salvation makes it to the pearly gates,

Bring the suffering that I face,

All the things that I face,

Destroy myself just to wait for you.

When God created the Earth, he picked two of his children to live amongst the paradise he built to be our parents - Adam and Eve. The Garden of Eden was beautiful, a place like no other. The only rule that God gave was for them to not eat from the one tree, the tree of knowledge of right and wrong, good and evil.

They had plenty of other trees to eat from, other fruits to feast on, but when the serpent came speaking words of temptation, Eve gave into him and took a bite from the forbidden fruit, Adam would soon follow after her.

Because of the rule was broken and they went against God, they were banished forever and were cursed with the pain of mortality. Their children and their children's children would face pain and sorrow, hurt and sickness, and ultimately death.

Like Eve, you gave into temptation as well, the warnings you received and how you ignored them all for the name of love. From the very first time you met Eddie Munson warning signs flashed, blinding you with the bright lights. Caution tape blocked you from crossing that line but you inevitably ignored it, ducting under it and continuing on your way.

You walked straight into the line of fire for the promise of nirvana, for just a taste of the sweetness of his love. For the longest time you thought Eve was stupid for falling for the devil's tricks but when he came to you with the prettiest brown eyes and lips that you wanted to kiss for hours, you finally understood.

Dying by the hands of the man that you love is probably the worst death. His strong grip squeezing the air out of you so slowly, smiling at you as he did it felt like torture, but what a way to go. You'd still adore Eddie with his hand wrapped around your neck, with his heavy palm crushing your windpipe, and you'd die so full of love.

The night breeze cools the heat of your skin, hitting your sweat soaked hairline and creating chills that ran up the skin of your arm. The night was still young as they say, the party inside still going in full force. Sweat bodies and clouds of smoke filled every room, creating a sort of heat that quickly became too unbearable.

Quickly finding refuge in crackling embers of the firepit. Unknown people and nameless faces fill the chairs around you, mingling with one another. Despite the happy nature and good vibe of the atmosphere around you, you sit with a permanent frown. Pissed isn't even the word you'd want to use for how you feel at the moment.

Furious, enrage, even spitting angry would be a better description for how you felt towards your friends right now. A random house party in a random place was not how you wanted to spend your Friday night, but then Annika and Nikki looked at you with their big pleading eyes and the end was history.

"We'll stick next to you the whole time," they said, "We promise we won't leave."

Only an hour in and their promise was nothing but a lie, leaving you the minute you stepped through the threshold shouting that they'd return shortly. You didn't expect any less honestly, Annika only wanted to come here for the possibility of hooking up and Nikki was more interested in the arrival of her possible new girlfriend Val.

You always found something to do whether it was people watching or drinking until your vision began to blur. Tonight was different however, being the designated driver you were banned from drinking any alcohol and people watching was only fun for the first forty five hours.

Now you sit playing on your phone, scrolling through every app on your phone until your friends finally arrived. You continue to look at the bright screen in your hands reading through old notes that you had yet to delete, too engrossed by the amount of grocery lists to realize that half of the group left the circle.

"You know this is a party, right?" A gruff voice asks.

Lifting your head slightly, you look up from under your eyelashes to the man across from you, scowl written on your lips. The orange glow highlights him in the best of ways, making him even more alluring.

Brown curls fall from the the bun that sits on top of his head, framing his face so beautifully. His lips pull into a smirk, making the deep crevice of his dimples pop out. Big doe eyes sparkle at you, glimmering in the heat of the flames.

His outfit is basic, a band tee with a faded logo, showing off how well loved it was. The holes in his black skinny jeans show off the tiniest hint of black ink that hides beneath the fabric. The fire and moon fight over the rings that sit on his hands, both going back and forth on which one glints in the silver. A loose cigarette sits tucked behind his ear and a sweating bottle of beer rests in his strong hands.

He's captivating, alluring you like the serpent did Eve. You don't engage, promptly scoffing and then rolling your eyes back down to your phone.

"You know my uncle always said if you roll them hard enough, they'll get stuck."

You hear it before you see it, the grin that sits on his face. It adds gasoline to the already burning inferno that rests inside of you adding turbulence, causing roaring flames.

"Good, hope they do." It's bitchy, ice cold like a winter's breeze. Instead of hurling an insult that you, he laughs. A true genuine laugh that you'd compliment if it weren't for the anger pumping through you.

Shutting your phone off, you drop it into your lap and cross your arms over your chest. Sighing loudly, you look at the curly haired man across from you unimpressed, eyebrow arching sharply.

He takes your challenge of a stare down, watching you over the glass of his beer bottle as he puts it to his lips taking a swig. His gaze in unfaltering but yours isn't. It's not your fault though, not when his neck looks so delicious as he swallows every last drop.

Removing the bottle from his mouth, he catches you eyeing the plump of his lips. Even though you've been caught, your stare doesn't waver, only moving the line of your sight back up to his eyes.

"Ya know, it's not really nice to be mean to your friend." His statement causes another eye roll from you, another loud scoff pulling from your throat.

"You're not my friend," Your words swim with annoyance and it only fuels the man in front of you even more.

Gasping loudly, a ringed hand clutches his chest as if he'd been insulted to the fullest. "I'm not you're friend? I thought the warmth of the fire cemented our relationship."

He curls his lips inwards, biting back a laugh that threatens to sneak it's way out. You're not any better, your bottom lip stinging with the pressure of your teeth that sink into it.

Silences covers the two of you, begging for one of you to break first. Although you put up the toughest of fights, you're the first to lose, a small giggle escaping the lock on your lips. The man isn't far behind you, snorting loudly into the quiet night air.

"First of all, I don't even know your name." You counter, mentally berating yourself for letting a laugh squeak out.

"Oh, you need my name?" He asks, eyebrows raising curiously.

Your eyes squint at the absurdness of his question, "Yeah, that's how making friends works, genius."

Batting his eyelashes, he waves a hand at you in flattery. "I love it when you call me sweet names."

His voice is flirty teasing you to the fullest and if you don't do something fast you're going to melt, and not because the heat of the flames.

"That's my cue to leave." Pushing yourself halfway up from the chair, you're immediately stopped by his arm waving you to stop.

"No, no I quit, I promise." It's said between breathless laughs, his eyes crinkling at the sides when he does.

Smirking ever so slightly, you bask in the sound of his voice. Sitting down slowly, you sigh as if you'd rather not be here regardless of the growing smile tugging at your lips.

Once sat back in your seat, you wait with a tapping foot and crossed arms, trying your hardest to look annoyed. He looks at you smugly, like he's enjoying the little performance you put on.

"If I tell you my name, you gotta tell me yours." He demands, you don't respond just pulling your hand out to inspect the acrylics that rest on your hand.

"I'm Eddie." He beams at you, rolling his tongue over his bottom lip.

You purse your lips, looking him up and down as if you're bored. When you give him your name, he nods slowly and repeats it like it's the prettiest thing he's heard.

"Well there you go, now we're friends." The depth of his voice makes the beat of your heart skip, cheeks burning the more you get flustered.

Shaking it off, you give him a look that the kind that reads "really?", and he only answers by returning a look that says "of course". Sucking your teeth, you look down at the blue fabric of your jeans.

"We can't be friends if we don't even hang out." It's shy, your confidence subsiding harshly under the heat of his eyes.

Now he scoffs, shaking his head back and forth causing the loose curls to move with him. "Don't do me like that, Pookie. Just gimme your number and I'll hang out any time your little heart desires."

"You did not just call me fucking Pookie." You laugh, throwing your head back and clutching your stomach.

You don't see him but Eddie just looks at you like you're the prettiest thing he's ever seen, adoration swimming in the dark color of his eyes.

When your laughter ceases and you fall back into your normal position, you open your eyes to see him looking at you. For the first time in your life you finally see what it's like to be looked at as if you hung the stars in their place. It feels good, heart racing and air catching in the back of your throat.

Blinking out of your trance, you nod shakily. "Umm, you said something about my ugh number?"

Eddie reaches into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out his phone and tapping in the code to unlock it. Handing it over to you wordlessly, it's already open to the new contact screen where you punch in the ten digit number. You ponder for a moment before typing in a name, flicking back and forth between the options you have, until you ultimately adding it under your given nickname with a black heart.

Handing it back to him, he looks at it smirking and then puts it back into its rightful home of his pocket. Opening his mouth to say something Eddie is interrupted with the sound of the backdoor opening and the rush of the music inside pouring from the doorway.

"Hey, we've been looking for you!" Annika shouts, stumbling towards you on unsteady feet.

Looking at the clearly tipsy girl, you turn back around to see give a sympathetic look to Eddie, quietly apologizing for your drunken friend.

"I guess that's my que to go." You shrug, moving from your spot on the chair.

Eddie only looks at you tenderly, dimples on full display for you. "Go ahead, Pookie. I'll see you later."

Sending you off with a wink, you walk away from the sanctuary you found. Walking over to your friend, you can't help but look back at the pretty boy you met finding him already smiling back at you.

Threading your arm in your friend's, you allow her to put her weight onto you so she doesn't fall. Unfocused eyes scan to where you keep looking, squinting to find the person.

"Who's that?" She keeps squinting, trying hard to see the man's features.

When her eyes seem to make out what she looks like, she perks up with a dopey smile. "Oh my fucking gawd, he's hot."

Saying it a little too loudly, you instantly clap your hand over her mouth and look back to make sure Eddie hasn't heard. You find him shaking his head, shoulders shaking with a clear laugh as he lights the cigarette that hangs between his teeth.

"Hope you got his number, would be a shot missed if you didn't." She chastises once you remove your palm from her lips. You sigh loudly and pull her along and make your way into the house.

Eddie kept his promise, using all his free time over the summer to see you. It started off innocently enough, late night drives down to the lake, midafternoon hangouts in the Dairy Queen parking lot where you’d sit in the bed of his beat up truck, and hanging out in his apartment watching him play video games.

Friends, that’s all it was in the beginning. Two people opening up to one another, bonding over their shitty childhoods and laughing at jokes that no one else ever understood.

As the heat of the roaring sun became more intense, so did the relationship between the two of you. Touches became lingering like the tickle of the tall overgrown grass by the lake. Kisses were light and airy, reminiscent of the lightning bugs that flew around in the dark summer sky. Eddie’s scent lingered with you even after you’d gone home, similar to sunscreen.

Tangled sheets and messy hair, flustered cheeks and dopey smiles. The two of you shined so bright even the stars that hung from the dark blue night were jealous.

But when the sunsets came sooner and sooner, so did the end of your fairytale. Calls became unanswered, hangouts were no more, and hand holding became totally off limits. What was once warm and sickly sweet smiles, was now cold shoulders and icy attitudes.

You felt stupid, falling for someone that wasn’t even yours. Giving Eddie your heart on a platter when he never even asked. When this all started you knew what it was, signing your soul over to the devil using your blood as ink.

The risks were in plain sight, the rules agreed on with the locking of pinkies, and yet you still broke them. Eddie told you over and over again this wasn’t anything other than some fun, a way to pass the boring summer days faster.

And although it hurt, you still plunged the sword deeper and deeper. What is love without some loss?

The mahogany teakwood candles that burns on the top of your dresser does nothing to get rid of the smell that you and Eddie have created. Notes of dark oat and frosted lavender are being drowned out by sweat and sex.

Cotton sheets soak up the perpetration, the outline of his body imprinted to remind you that he was once there, the only lingering memory of him when he inevitably leaves. Cheeks flushed with red, screaming claw marks on alabaster skin, and bruises in the shape of teeth.

"Fuck, squeezin' me s'good, baby." Eddie's all gritted teeth and panting breath as he wiggles around underneath you.

The ache in your knees is no match for the burn you feel in the pit of your stomach, your hole clenching around the thickness of his cock. Switching between bouncing and rocking your hips, you're hurdling closer and closer to the edge.

Sentences aren't even forming in your brain, only random blabbering falls from your lips in loud whines with the way he punches into your cervix.

"S'good, shit you feel so good." It comes out like a sob, ripped right out from the depths of your soul.

Big strong hands grip at the plush of your hips, finger prints threatening to leave a mark for the next day. A wicked grin forms on red kiss bitten lips, basking in the glory of you crumbling on top of him.

"Yeah? Is it good, princess?" Arrogant and cocky, two traits that only he can pull off without it being a turn off.

Your head wildly bobs, drool escaping from your parted lips. "Uh huh," the only real response you can give him in this very moment and it's all he needs to know he's fucked you dumb beyond repair.

Bending his knees, Eddie starts to fuck up into you with unwavering force. The thatch of course hair that sits at the base of his cock catches deliciously on your swollen and neglected clit, resulting in harsh mewl.

With your own eyes screwed shut you don't see that his have rolled into the back of his head, jaw unhinged with the pleasure of you clasping around him tightly. Regardless of his own peak nearing, Eddie continues to keep up with his facade, making sure you finish way before he does.

"I'm so deep huh? S'deep, shit- so deep in this tight f-uhh, fucking cunt." Teeth bite down on the fat of his bottom lip, holding the whimpers from escaping from his mouth.

The speed of his movements, the loud squelch of your juices, and the intensity of him hitting into your g-spot is enough to make your head dizzy. He's everywhere, his touch, his scent, his voice. He's everywhere, all around you and you don't think that anything else in the world could create the same euphoric feeling he does.

"M'gonna-, ah I'm gonna cum." The end is closing in on you, the wave of ecstasy crashing into the shore. Although it feels so good crossing the finish line, you know when it's over he'll be gone all too soon.

"Me too, sweetheart. Motherfuck-, cum for me." The act that he had put on has finally faltered, cracking right at the seams.

That does it, pushes you right off the edge into the blissful waters of your high. Your already weakening knees have now failed you, letting you drop onto the slick soaked skin of Eddie's tattooed chest.

The two of you continue to whimper and moan as your highs ripple through you. Both of you create lightning, a pair of super bolts roar in the middle of your quiet bedroom. In the heat of your bliss, you're completely ignorant to the consequences of such strong power being created. No matter what the outcome is, at least it was beautiful and for the smallest of moments, it was real.

After the glory has finally wore off you remove yourself from him, letting out a strong hiss when the feeling of him is completely out of you. Letting your body fall to the plushness of your mattress, you allow yourself to cycle through the memory of it all.

Naked chests heave, a silence pulling over both of you like a heavy quilt in the winter. It's comfortable like this, the heat radiating off of your skin mixes with Eddie's, the pumping of hearts syncing into the same rhythm pattern.

While your body settles into the softness of your bed, Eddie's is quick to jump up from his spot with a loud grunt. Fresh red marks flash at you, decorating the smooth skin of his back along with the pretty freckles you used to trace with the soft flesh of your finger tips.

As he sits on the side of your bed catching his breath, you wonder if he misses the feeling of your touch the way you miss his skin. You wonder if he misses the intensity of your body next to his, arms and legs tangled together buried underneath the shelter of his comforter. You wonder if his bed misses the shape of your body the way yours misses his.

The springs of your mattress groan when the weight of his body leaves and for a moment you feel the same way. Footsteps are muted by the fibers of your carpeting. You watch from your spot as Eddie grabs a tissue from your vanity, wiping himself free of any evidence of you and then disposing it into the garbage can with a careless toss.

Muscles flex as he begins to redress himself, hiding the masterpiece that you left on his skin. You hope that they sting when he's under the heated water of his shower, a pang that will go away within a few days while the pang of your hurt will last a lifetime.

His messy curls pull from the neck of his shirt, shaking with the motions of his head trying to get rid of the unruly hair that masks his vision. From the singular foot away that the two of you stand, you pray that he won't leave, that this isn't the end.

"Do you wanna stay? W-we could watch a movie or something." Behind the sincerity of your voice is a girl that mourns the loss of her once best friend, begging him to remember what the two of you had in the beginning.

The clang of his belt ricochets through the room, an uncomfortable hallow sound that you wish to forget. Spinning on the socked heel of his foot, he gives you a blank face. One so devoid of emotion, cold and vacant.

"Don't start doin' this, Pookie. You already know what this is." A clear warning given with a strict tone.

The nickname that used to cause butterflies only brings mountains of sadness. It used to have meaning, a funny inside joke between the two of you now dwindled down to the name of a place holder.

"I just thought-" Going unfinished by the sound of Eddie's deep sigh.

"Not tonight, kay?" He says as nicely enough to placate you and even though you know nothing will come from it, you're still full of hope.

Bending down, he begins to slide his feet into his shoes, the same one's you gifted to him only so many months ago. Watching him tie the browning shoelaces of his vans, you wonder if he remembers the way you smiled while handing him the box, or how he felt when you said you got them just because.

It tugs at your already bandaged heart, the sticky adhesive of band aids doing their absolute best to keep the muscle intact. The rattle of the remaining broken pieces rattle in your ears, muffling everything else around you.

The lanky man stands to full height, grabbing his beloved leather jacket from your floor where it was left in the tornado of excitement. Rounding the end of your bed he makes his way to you, standing over your still naked body.

Bending at the waist, Eddie places a wet kiss on your forehead and pulls away with charming smile.

"I'll text you, pook."

You nod at his words, gripping on tightly to the faith that this whole thing will work out the way you hope. Giving you a wink, Eddie quickly exists your room and just like that you crumble.

On the wet sheets of your bed you curl into yourself, naked and vulnerable in more ways than one. Tears leak from your eyes and sobs rip from the depths of your stomach. It hurts watching him walk out because you never know when it'll be the last time.

You try to think back to when everything changed, where it all went wrong. All of the flashbacks and memories flood your brain, a film wheel of all the happy moments. More tears flow, a nonstop river of all the heartache.

You miss him, what your friendship used to be. At this point you don't even care if he loves you the way you love him, you just want him to care for you like he did all those months ago.

You wish you could go back to that warm summer day where you handed over your heart and let him carve his name in it, so that no matter what you did you'd belong to him for the rest of your days.

thank you all for reading!! i hope you guys like part one :)

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[onceuponastory]

i've got you - bucky barnes x reader

Plot: Bucky has another nightmare. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Mentions of nightmares, Bucky's past trauma and how he blames and hates himself for what he did, basically everything that he did as The Winter Soldier and had done to him by HYDRA is a warning in this, but specifically the mind wiping, murder/death and shooting. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: This is my piece for @flufftober Day 1: "I've Got You." I saw this quote and just knew it fit Bucky x Reader so well. Not beta'd, so any mistakes are my own.

Late one night, Y/N and Bucky are fast asleep in their Brooklyn apartment. Everything is still and quiet. Until Bucky starts to murmur in his sleep, tossing and turning as he starts to dream. Memories from the last seventy decades flash through his mind. The train, being found by HYDRA, his arm being replaced…. “No.” He whispers. “Stop.” But the memories continue. And now, he's seeing his time as the Winter Soldier. This time, Bucky is powerless. He can only watch on, unable to intervene.

The Winter Soldier’s standing in front of someone, another faceless victim, watching as they beg for their life. He's lost count of the lives he destroyed and the people he killed. This is just one of many. Ever since he escaped HYDRA’s control, Bucky’s been trying hard to make amends and forget what happened to him. 

But unfortunately for him, his mind has other ideas.

“Please, don’t hurt me.” The person begs. But the soldier doesn’t listen, and raises his gun. “No! Please!” Their voice is more panicked now, begging and screaming for him to stop. Bucky can feel himself reaching out, as if he’s trying to stop himself from making the same mistakes he did. Yet no matter how hard he tries, Bucky can’t stop himself… and the Winter Soldier pulls the trigger. 

Bucky gasps, jolting awake. The room is silent… aside from the pounding in his chest. He grips the bedsheet for dear life, so tightly his knuckles turn white. Sweat drips from his forehead, and a few strands of his hair cling to it. He’s a monster, regardless of how much he tries to change. That’s what his dream was trying to tell him. He still hears the screams of the innocent people he killed. Even now, when he’s awake. And he can see the face of Alexander Pierce, looming down at him before he gets wiped again. Bucky’s body tenses, and he shuts his eyes tightly, trying to block everything out.

He’s ready to deal with this alone. Like he always does. Like he was trained to do. In a way, it’s for his own self protection. This way, nobody else can see how fucked up he is.

But then, there’s a different voice speaking into the darkness. 

“Bucky?” Y/N moans, rubbing her eyes as she wakes up. The sudden sound of her voice almost makes Bucky jump. “What’s going on?” She moves her hand over to Bucky’s side of the bed, feeling nothing but empty space. When she sees him sitting there, gripping the sheet, her eyes widen with concern, and her voice softens as she realises what’s happened. “Oh.” She scoots over to him, gently wrapping her arm across his trembling body and pulling him closer to her. “It’s okay. I’ve got you, I’m here. It was just a nightmare.” She soothes, her voice full of comfort and compassion.

The first night Bucky woke up screaming, haunted by memories of his past, his body aching with the decades of pain and torture HYDRA inflicted on him, Y/N was shocked. But more than anything, Y/N felt horrible for Bucky - that someone had put him through something so traumatic and that he was so haunted by it. But it also made a horrible pit of guilt form deep inside her. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t take all this pain away from him, or even reverse the clock and stop everything that HYDRA did to him. Being unable to stop his pain is the worst feeling in the world. So instead, she does the next best thing. She makes sure that Bucky knows she’s there for him whenever he needs her. Even if he’s on a mission and in a completely different time zone and needs to call her, she’ll always pick up no matter what. Her love for Bucky is unwavering, and she’ll always be there for him.

Especially tonight. “It was… it was….” Bucky speaks, close to hyperventilating. “Shh…shh…. It’s okay.” Y/N tells him reassuringly, tenderly kissing his temple. “You don’t have to tell me anything.” Bucky grabs her hand, squeezing onto it for dear life. Like she’s his rock, stopping him from being swept out into sea. In a way, she is. Or at least, she's the one stopping him from falling deeper into a pit of despair and self loathing. “Just take deep breaths with me, okay Bucky? In and out, match my breathing.” Bucky does as she says, keeping a tight grasp on her hand as he does. 

And soon, he slowly starts to feel a little better. “You should go back to sleep. I’m sorry.” He murmurs. “I woke you up again.” Y/N shakes her head, kissing his temple once more.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She tells him. “I told you, I’m here for you. I’ve got you.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He whispers, and her heart breaks right there. Of course, she could never truly know what it’s like to go through something like Bucky did, and how much guilt and pain he must be feeling right now. “I deserve to go through this alone. I’m a monster.” His voice cracks.

But Y/N just wants him to stop punishing himself for things that weren’t his fault, and understand that he’s a victim too. “No you’re not a monster. You never were. It’s not your fault.” She whispers. “You’re a good person, Bucky.” Another kiss, this time to his cheek. “You never have to be alone again. I’m right here.”

“Thank you for sticking by me. For making me feel like more than I am.” He manages a small smile at that, a welcome relief to Y/N. “I love you… so damn much.”

“Of course I would. I’ll always be here for you, Bucky.” She smiles. “I love you too.”

They sit together for a while, with Bucky still in Y/N’s comforting embrace. He feels so safe and happy when he’s around her, and he’s so grateful that the universe sent her to him. She’s his one good thing after everything that happened to him, and all the pain he’s caused. He glances over at her, watching as she rubs his back.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe he doesn’t have to do this alone anymore. He leans over, cupping her cheeks and kissing her softly. Bucky knows he has a long way to go with his healing, but Y/N’s support motivates him to be better, to be the man she deserves. With a smile, she gives his hand another squeeze. “We’re in this together.” She whispers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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[rowaelinsdaughter]

𝕴 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖘𝖊 (𝕮𝖆𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗)

First post (well, second post. i also have the feysands wedding, but that is not what i want to write. or yes, anyway), as i was saying, first post of the account, and im SUPER EXCITED. i want to dedicate this first post to @danikamariewrites , she is the nicest person ive ever talked to, and she has helped me with this. so this is for her and for everyone who loves Cass, like me.

WARNINGS: mentions of blood and death, angst with a happy ending.

WORD COUNT: 904

In another life…

You were dying. It was the only thing he could think about. His couple. His soulmate, his entire life, was fading in front of him and there was nothing he could do about it.

The war was over. A war that had lasted 100 years, generation after generation fighting for a free country, but at what cost? How many lives had to be sacrificed to have that freedom?... and you were the last of it.

You were the greatest warrior the world had ever seen. Known throughout the world for your exploits. Ballads were sung in your honor and stories were told by the bonfire. But you were dying. And Cassian knew that he shouldn't have left you alone, he knew that he should have been by your side.

He was the one who found you with a sword stuck in your belly, he was the one who took you to the camp and now he would be the one who would see you die.

You opened your eyes and next to you was Cassian with his head bowed, you heard a murmur coming from his lips and just by the position you knew that he was praying and they could only mean two things: either you were dying or you were going to recover.

Cassian noticed your gaze and raised his head. You were dying then. They say that the eyes are the reflection of the soul and Cassian's soul was dying.

“Cassian…” a thin voice left your lips.

A tear ran down his cheek and you felt his hand caressing your cheek, but you almost didn't feel anything anymore, you were so weak that you couldn't grab his hands, feel them for the last time between yours.

You looked away and scanned the room. You see your sisters, your friends and your most faithful companions. Tears ran down everyone's cheeks, the smell of salt filled the room, and the bond between you and Cassian was fading. You looked back at Cassian, and with your last strength you made him a promise:

“Cassian… I promise you that we will meet again in another life… I promise you that I will not stop looking for you… I will travel through the sky and sea to find you… I will fight until my last breath… and if in that life I have not found you yet… I will look for you in the following…"

You closed your eyes and with your last breath you murmured: “I love you…”

And with that last I love you, Cassian burst into tears.

On a street in Velaris…

You left the store with two more daggers for your collection. Your family never understood your love for daggers, they said that daggers were not for women. And every night, you dreamed of the same thing: you were running through a green meadow, you were laughing, and it was a happy laugh. And then you heard it. A humorous laugh, full of happiness and when you turned to see his face, you woke up. And some nights you dreamed that you were fighting. Surrounded by faceless people and back to back with someone tall and muscular. And his voice... was serious, like the laughter of the dream of the meadow. And when you wanted to see your companion's face, you woke up.

You sighed, starting to walk towards the bridge, thinking about the times you tried to see his face, but it was an impossible mission.

You were halfway across the bridge when you suddenly felt a chill that ran down your entire spine. And then you heard it. That laugh. The one you had been listening to for so many centuries, night after night, dream after dream trying to see his face. Discover if his laugh was as beautiful as his face.

With your heart racing you decided to turn around... You saw it. And he was the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your life. Illyrian. You recognized him by his wings. Long hair collected in a bun that left the features of her face visible.

Cassian noticed your gaze and turned, as soon as his eyes met yours, the distant memory of a room flooded your mind and there he was. Holding your hand on your deathbed, tears flooded his cheeks, softening his face. The echo of a promise of eternal love. And the mating bond began to shine like a star in the sky.

From one moment to the next, you both started running and merged into a hug full of love and longing. Your feet touched the ground and his hands ran down your body until they reached your cheeks. His thumbs caressed your cheekbones so tenderly that you began to cry. Cassian rested his forehead against yours. His voice sounded full of love and emotion when he said:

“You're here” he kissed your forehead. “You are here, with me” he kissed your nose and cheeks. “You don't know how long I've been waiting for you, how long I've longed to feel you in my arms again.”

“Yes Cassian, I'm here” you moved closer to his mouth, and when there were only a few centimeters left between your lips. “And I won't leave again.”

After decades, centuries. After waiting entire lifetimes trying to find each other, you sealed your lips, this time promising not to separate again.

𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆𝒅 ©𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓. 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒑𝒚 / 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌. 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒑𝒚 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆.

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Mordent

Chapter Eighteen

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela

Other characters: Sam, Billie

Word Count: 2880ish

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, this turned into more of a brother chapter than I originally intended, talk of tattoos and body mods, unbeta'd

Series Masterlist

Dean walked out of the studio with a cassette recording of their album, a CD and a thumb drive. He always asked for it to be playable in the impala and Ash always came through. The other options were for Bobby and Sam, respectively. Sam would send the files to everyone else. It was finished, set to be released while they were on tour, with the label’s stamp of approval and all. ‘Waysides and Regrets’ was thirteen songs packed with everything they could pour into them.

"Don’t call it a comeback,” Dean muttered to himself as he slipped into the driver’s seat and popped the cassette into the deck. The opening to Rupture ripped through the speakers and Dean cackled at hearing it like a civilian. He drummed along with Pam on the steering wheel as he turned out of the parking lot, saluting the guard at the gate as he went. 

He listened to it all before going back home. Rupture bled into Pushing Through which mellowed out to the subdued Brothers Keeper. Then they cranked it back up with Route 666, which slid into the angsty Prophet and Loss that showcased just why Kevin was Cas’ replacement (musically at least). Beyond the Mat and Goodbye Stranger were two sides of the same coin, introspective but in different tones, soulful and combative respectively. Then there was the first single, Annie’s duet, Baby, which Dean unabashedly wrote about his car, but as if she were real and he could thank her and praise her for everything she meant to him. He sang out loud with every word of that song as he cruised faceless side streets letting the music wash over him. 

Everybody Loves A Clown, Except Sam was supposed to be a joke track, but they got carried away with it and it actually was one of the funnest songs to play for Dean, and Kevin going full calliope for the chorus was totally worth it.  Gods and Monsters was fueled by Dean’s inner rage and where his anger came from, also known as John Winchester and his own self worth issues. Missouri had a field day when he sent her those lyrics. Then there was Lee’s track which Dean helped merely tweak some lines, Give Me My Axe: An Executioner’s Song. It was even better with the windows down and the road disappearing beneath his tires. The final track was an anthem, not quite what the kids would call a banger, but celebratory enough to be the potential second single from the album. It’s about the weekend Dean finally came up for air, when Sam holed him up at Bobby’s cabin in Tahoe and they had his come-to-Jesus intervention thing. It’s about letting go and letting your people catch you, aptly named Weekend at Bobby’s. It turned out better than Dean could have hoped.

He turned into the canyon when the bonus tracks started, knowing the album was drawing to a close and wanting Sam to hear it before he got too emotional about it. The house was quiet when he walked in, the coffee still in the pot, but Sam’s rinsed-out smoothie blender upside down in the sink. Dean found Sam outside, despite the cooler air, going through his yoga routine. 

Dean teased Sam about a lot of things, but it held little venom with the things that brought Sam well-being. 

“Hey, mop-head, got the album when you’re ready,” Dean called from the doors off the kitchen.

Sam exhaled and smiled, eyes closed in concentration. Dean didn’t know how he did it, but he understood sometimes other senses just get in the way of an experience, almost like they try to crowd it or consume it because it’s not about them.

“Gimme like ten minutes,” Sam replied and shifted into mountain pose. 

“Fair enough.”

Dean left the thumb drive on the counter and made his way into the living room. They had speakers in their jam room, but Dean hadn’t eaten and lunch was sounding better by the second. So he popped the CD into the stereo and paused it with one of the many remotes they’d accumulated through years of technological upgrades. Sam had an app on his phone for half of it, but Dean still favored physically punching buttons to get what he wanted done.

He made his way back into the kitchen and started pulling things out for BLTs. Sam had some tofu-bacon in the drawer and he fried that up too, and if a little of the real grease got on it, it was too bad for Sam. He grabbed a couple of bags of chips from the pantry and then some leftover fruit salad from the fridge to even them out. Life was about balance after all, and having a health nut for a brother and roommate Dean had learned to pick his battles. 

“Hey, that smells amazing,��� Sam broke through Dean’s little self-congratulation.

“Yeah, mine does, yours smells like a nursing home cafeteria—- You ready?” Dean asked, holding up the remote with one hand while popping a chip into his mouth with the other.

“Hit it,” Sam agreed, sitting at the counter as Dean slapped his sandwich down in front of him.

They ate and listened, commenting here and there. Sam helped Dean clean up the kitchen and they both gravitated to the couch to finish listening. Dean took out a bowl he kept in an end table and packed it, smoking casually as Sam took in each song, each transition. 

It was one moment, but it was also a hundred others in the years before it. Brothers sitting in comfortable quiet as music spoke to them instead of one another. They were thirteen and nine and Dad had brought home a signed Lyle Lovett album for them to ingest. While neither of them were yet prone to country, it shifted their ideas of just what good music was. They were fifteen and eleven and done enough chores for a trip to Record Town in North Platte where they each got a tape apiece. Dean got Jar of Flies by Alice in Chains while he convinced Sam to get The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails instead of Tori Amos’ Under the Pink. They read every line of production details and lyrics on the pamphlets tucked into the plastic cases. 

Sam came home to find Dean back for the weekend. It was early ‘98 and it felt like everything had turned horrifyingly pop focused. The Prodigy’s Fat of the Land was playing on the boombox Dean had dragged out of Sam’s room as his big brother cleaned the kitchen back to his standards and not Kate’s livable level of clutter. They were waiting to hear if they had a brother or a sister. The only thing said between them was Dean reassuring Sam that he put his Celine Dion CD back in its case. 

They sat in Lee’s dorm room, stoned and drunk, watching as his roommate's computer uploaded their album. It felt like it would take forever, but it was also insane to think that people all over the world could listen to their music. It was full of possibility, but it was also just two brothers and their friends in their habitat, existing together.

“Dude— did you autotune me?!” Sam gaped, chuckling self consciously while listening to his line of the acoustic track of Brothers Keeper.

“Barely. Like nobody’s gonna notice, they’ll be too busy balling their eyes out,” Dean reassured.

“Yeah, like you, huh?”

“Shut up.”

Sam laughed, but let his embarrassment go; the nervous bastard always hated singing which was why he wasn’t as good at it. 

The album reached its end and they started talking about ideas for the tour, things to write down and beg Charlie for like lighting designs or album specific imagery when they hop back into their older stuff. It was almost four when Dean finally got over to Bobby’s with the CD, but he didn't stay for another listen. He let Annie have her moment with Bobby gushing, as much as the geezer could or would gush.

On the way home, you called him squealing with excitement.

“You listen to it already?”

“No! I just got the files from Sam. I guess I shouldn’t have called until I heard it all, huh?”

Dean chuckled. “Maybe. Or maybe you’ll hate it and never want to talk to me again.”

“Ha-ha. But no, seriously, I’m so excited. I’m going to blast it as I meal prep. Do you want my review long hand or can I just call you back and talk your ear off?”

“Whatever you’re willing to give me,” Dean tried for playful.

“Dangerous, Winchester. Okay, well I have like ten more things I have to do now that we have a single. But I’ll be in touch.”

“Sounds good— and thanks.”

“No— thank you.”

Dean hung up and let the fear roll in. You were going to hear it all. Everything he had been through and everything you had helped him overcome. He only hoped you wouldn’t be upset by making a cameo on something so public. Or embarrassed by the way he still needed you. 

Dean promised he’d be on his best behavior. Part of that was putting out fires for the band, to try and help make your job easier. So after the shake up from Kevin and Cas, he called Billie and apologized for his bandmates’ (both past and present) disrespect. She told him he could make it up to her. But there was no way Dean was going under the needle again, last time he even looked at one he almost threw up. But, it just so happened he knew someone who was in the market for some art. 

Unfortunately, that meant Dean would have to tag along.

Billie’s studio was modern and bright, with different colored walls contrasting the silver accents, both mirrors and shelving. From the outside, Reaping Ink was a small sign on a battered street, but inside it felt like walking into an art gallery and not someplace that had hard sharps containers and enough first aid equipment to stock an ambulance on hand.

And the furniture was always so damn comfortable.

The last time Dean had been here was for a memorial tattoo for Jo that you got on your right shoulder. He nearly broke your hand holding it as he tried and failed not to watch your skin be pierced continuously. It was a beautiful tattoo, everything Billie did was masterful. It just wasn’t something Dean wanted to sit through again.

Luckily for everyone, Bela didn’t need Dean to hold her hand. But she did need him as in with Billie, who usually booked appointments six-to-eight months out. 

“Hello, Dean,” Billie’s dark voice called once they walked in, she stood so still and so silently, he hadn’t even noticed her among the cacophony of color in the waiting area.

“Heya Billie, this is Bela,” Dean guided Bela with a hand on the small of her back, the way Billie’s dark eyes clocked the motion made Dean want to step back. Like a nun catching you standing too close to your crush in the hallway. Dean never went to Catholic school, but that feeling of getting caught, of doing wrong was universal.

“Pleasure,” Bela smiled at the artist, while Billie just nodded.

“I have a couple versions for you to pick from, I think I got the gist of what we talked about, but I wanted to be sure on sizing and layout. So come on back and we’ll get started,” Billie went straight into business mode. No whining about Cas’ impulsiveness or speculating on Dean and Bela’s relationship. At least verbally, her eyes held a very different story.

She had three different stencils already cropped and laid out for Bela to see as Bela rucked up her top and rolled down her leggings. It wasn’t a tramp stamp, she was insistent on that, but it was on the back of her right hip, something she could glance at or hold if she needed to. The way she talked about the position of the tattoo, made it seem just as important as the content or the coloring of it.

“Dean?” Bela’s voice drew Dean out of his thoughts.

“Hmm?” 

“Can you take pictures with my phone? Before, during, and after?” Bela handed him her unlocked iphone and he turned it around to focus on her nearly bare back. He took a few shots and gave it back. 

“You’ll want that to distract you, trust me,” Dean assured.

Bela rolled her eyes. “Isn’t that what you’re here for?”

Dean went green. “As long as I don’t have to watch.”

“Really?!” Bela exclaimed and looked over to Billie for confirmation.

“Mmm-hmm, boys one of the worst I’ve seen around needles. No wonder he doesn’t even have his ears pierced.”

“I guess I never noticed—- wouldn’t have thought. Poor thing,” Bela sighed as she settled on her stomach on one of Billie’s many specialty beds. 

“Can we not? I mean, I’m here ain't I?” Dean huffed and pulled out his own phone. You still hadn’t texted him what you thought about the album, but he also knew you were busy, so he didn’t want to rush you or look too desperate.

He felt Bela and Billie have a silent conversation as he pulled up his sudoku app, but ignored them as Billie got the stencil in place, only getting up to snap another picture. Then, they were off. Bela and Billie making small talk about the design, which Dean knew Bela had put a lot of thought into, especially since it would officially tarnish her good girl image. Even in this day and age, most of her fans were in their fifties. A tattoo could rattle the masses. But getting one with Dean seemed like a good compromise of their images.

He was rubbing off on her, so to speak. Well, he hadn’t done that literally since his talk with Sam, but you know.

They sat for an hour and a half and took a break, Dean went to get food and coffee, which he left in the lobby so as not to infringe on Billie’s strict rules. Dean took a couple more pictures and some stupid selfies for Bela to find later. The shop was closed to the public and since Billie’s latest playlist had started over, Dean asked if he could hook up to the bluetooth. 

Billie looked at him appraisingly as it became clear that he was playing his own music during his girlfriend’s appointment. 

“What?”

“You’re either looking for my approval or you’re buttering me up by letting me hear this first. Which is it?” Billie manhandled Bela back into position to get going on the shading.

“I don’t know, man. Both?”

Billie hummed, but didn’t reply.

Dean walked around the studio, looking at the different sets of flash and paintings that covered the walls. He flinched away from the spinning display of rods, tapers, disks, and rings for piercings and stretching. He felt like a waste of space, but mainly because he was never any good with boredom. Being idle in a place he was already uncomfortable, for a plethora of reasons, was akin to torture.

He remembered to breathe.

He checked his phone. He put that back into his pocket. He stole Bela’s phone for a few more pictures, trying not to look directly at her raised, red flesh.

“How’s it going?” Dean asked, after giving Bela her phone back, his album running its course around them.

“I’d say another twenty minutes and then I’ll bandage her up. You good?” Billie asked, surprisingly sincerely.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. Just curious,” Dean muttered.

“Hey, Dean. I like the music,” Billie said, waiting for him to make eye contact.

“Thanks,” Dean nodded, trying not to let his blush show.

“When’s it coming out?” Bela asked, suddenly reminding Dean why he was there in the first place.

“End of April,” he said. “Single’ll be released week after my birthday.”

Bela paused and looked up at him, but Billie was the one to break the ice.

“Which is?”

“Uh, the 24th. Baby hits your airwaves on the 29th.”

“Is that Annie Hawkins on that track?” Billie asked.

“Yup,” Dean grinned.

“Damn, almost forgot about her. Nice pull,” Billie praised.

Dean chuckled, not explaining his connection. She’d find out eventually, if it even mattered. “Yeah, we got lucky with that one.”

Bela was inked up, wiped down and vacuum sealed over the following half hour. Dean paid for the work, plus a generous tip. And posed for a few promotional shots with Bela and Billie alike. Once everyone was satisfied that what they had would help all involved, Bela and Dean said their goodbyes and thank yous and headed out for a late dinner at Elizabeth’s. 

“Do you want me to send these to you or to Y/N to latergram?” Bela asked as their drinks arrived. 

“Just send ‘em to Trouble. She’ll know what to do with them better than me,” Dean ducked out of the responsibility, unaware he was planting another social media minefield for you to navigate by doing so.

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

Chapter Nineteen: Pizzicato

[constellationguy]

Hidden

Yandere Lucifer x fallen angel reader

Deep within the Morningstar castle, through the many guards and empty corridors, in rooms with no paintings of its residents you could find fallen angels. Not just one, but two. For only near weeks had the count fallen to one.

Not long after the first fallen angel had “lost” his wife, he found another. However, in the last seven years you could count how many times she has been seen in public on one hand. No one has seen her up close or met her other than the king himself, not even the deadly sins nor Charlie, have been able to meet her.

This faceless being, happened to be you. Your identity had been kept under lock and key, not even a rumor of your eye color has left the palace walls. This was all due to Lucifer. “You are one of the longest surviving beings in hell and I want to keep it that way”, he’d tell you.

Lucifer would always tell you that you were the purest being in hell, and that you had the personality to match. Perhaps this is why he could not let you go. Even the thought of you leaving the center of the castle, the part most protected, and most secluded, without him has him on edge.

Despite how loving Lucifer can be, he keeps vice grip on your existence. Only a hand full of servants may see you, less may speak with you, and non may touch you unless an emergency. Lucifer is the one who wakes you up, who dresses you, who does your hair, who prepares your food, and most importantly is the only one who can touch and talk to you freely.

You may find it strange that your husband has so little trust in his servants, especially because they are all so well mannered. But no matter how many times you ask to expand your hand full of servants or plead for Lucifer to be more lax with them he will always tell you, “They are demons my love! They only care for themselves, and could hurt you on a whim. I could not live a second more if I heard anything happened to you.” And by this he means anything.

Should a servant look at you to long, their eyes shall be plucked, should any speak improperly to you, their tongue will be cut off and their neck shall be slashed, satan forbid any touch you, they will be mutilated. However this is kept from your knowledge, they are just replaced, with or without you noticing.

Lucifer could never have you knowing that he would do such a thing, unless convincing you to stay in the castle came to drastic measures. He only wants you to see good in him, because you bring out the best and worst parts of him. He treats you with the most love and care any one has ever seen but make no mistake, he will do anything to keep you in his grasp. Endless gaslighting, blaming, crying, physical affection, and any other tactic under then sun is used to keep you in the palace, better yet in his arms.

Lucifer will do as much as he can to keep you from knowing how cruel he can be, however if you are stubborn in your want to leave the palace he can and will use more dastardly methods to keep you close. The thought of hurting you can be strong but the fear of making you hate him is even stronger, most of the time. Lucifer will go as far as to poison your food to keep you locked away. All just to spoil you to keep your favor.

Lucifer loves you fully, whole heartedly, and perhaps a bit obsessively. Maybe if you asked to see “your” daughter, he’d let you leave the palace…

[circus-complex]

Shadow in the Spotlight

Rating: Teen+

Relationships: Jun Wu/Mei Nianqing

Characters: Jun Wu, Mei Nianqing, Xie Lian, Jing Wen

Tags: ling wen & the shi brothers show up but aren't insanely relevant, Attempt at Humor, Angst, 5 + 1, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, xie lian is their adopted son, no beta we die like jun wu

Jun Wu, one of the most popular actors this century. Unrivaled in both acting skills and looks, he quickly rose to the top. He starred in many Hollywood movies, and was known for helping new actors gain fame. Charismatic and kind, tickets for his occasional public appearances sold out within minutes. Mei Nianqing, a near-faceless steady rising star. He got popular online for his classical-inspired pop songs, perfectly blending old instruments, upbeat tempos, and graceful lyrics. Capturing the hearts of the young and old, he was widely loved. He remained in the background of everyone’s lives, and was the center of many more.

Five times Jun Wu and Mei Nianqing's identities were almost exposed, and one time they chose too.

third prompt for the TGCF rarepair g4g, prompt from @/imsleepingrlly (twt): MNQxJW celebrity AU. XL is their adopted son. Huge scandal occurs, and they end up all over the new. 4/5 +1 things plsss, also AT LEAST bittersweet endings pls 😅

Also on AO3

Full work under the cut

Jun Wu, one of the most popular actors this century. Unrivaled in both acting skills and looks, he quickly rose to the top. He starred in many Hollywood movies, and was known for helping new actors gain fame. Charismatic and kind, tickets for his occasional public appearances sold out within minutes.

Mei Nianqing, a near-faceless steady rising star. He got popular online for his classical-inspired pop songs, perfectly blending old instruments, upbeat tempos, and graceful lyrics. Capturing the hearts of the young and old, he was widely loved. He remained in the background of everyone’s lives, and was the center of many more.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Jun Wu groaned as his alarm went off. He smacked it, silently cursing.

“Love, you have to get up. You have an interview at noon.” Mei Nianqing kissed Jun Wu’s cheek. He laughed as Jun Wu sat up, disgruntled.

“Do I really have to?” Jun Wu’s voice was still scratchy and slurred from sleep.

Mei Nianqing sighed. “Yes, I have to arrange the dates for my next album release, so could you watch Xie Lian this afternoon?”

Jun Wu nodded. Mei Nianqing patted his shoulder, then got up to make breakfast for the three of them.

Jun Wu hauled himself out of bed. After getting a quick (30 minute) shower, he got dressed and met his lover and son in the dining room.

“Baba! Good morning!” Xie Lian grinned widely upon seeing Jun Wu enter.

“Good morning A-Lian,” Jun Wu said as he sat down. Mei Nianqing placed a plate with three pancakes in front of him. Jun Wu smiled softly at Mei Nianqing.

“Thanks,” He said. He quickly ate, then got up and grabbed his coat. “I’ll be home by 2:30, 2:45 at the latest.”

Jun Wu arrived just in time to get his makeup on and preview a couple of the questions.

3…2…1! Action!

The lights on stage were near blinding, but Jun Wu smiled through it all. He’d long since gotten used to acting, even when he was supposed to be natural. Everything, from his speech patterns to the way he sat, were a carefully crafted facade. Not a single hair would be out of place, not a single strand in the intricate web not tied off.

The interview wasn’t different from any others. How did he rise to fame, what was his favorite role, all the standard questions. Jun Wu knew exactly what to say, and how to deliver it.

“So, Jun-Xiansheng. Everyone’s wondering, is there a special someone in your life?” Jing Wen asked. A couple laughs rose from the crowd. Jun Wu had always avoided questions regarding his dating life, no matter how much others pressed him.

“No new developments, still the same,” Jun Wu’s grin didn’t falter in the slightest.

“Really? There have been some photos of you with Yushi Huang going around recently, our viewers are wondering what’s going on,” Stupid sleazy TV host.

Jun Wu lightly sighed and chuckled. “Yushi Huang? I helped her score some roles, she was just thanking me.”

“Oh?”

“She’s far too young for my taste,” Jun Wu knew more questions were coming.

A couple gasps rose from the crowd. Jun Wu, saying anything about his dating preference? Crumbs like this were rare! To the forums, quick!

“There have been some rumors you…aren’t interested in women. Are these true?”

Oh. That’s original, for once. Jun Wu leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and his head on his knuckles.

“I’ll date who I want, does it matter if they’re a man or woman?” Jun Wu’s serving a whole meal today! His fans would be feasting for days! “And if my dating life is your only source of revenue, I suggest you pick a new career.”

Jun Wu stood up and left the stage. The host laughed shallowly before they cut to a commercial break.

“Jun-xiansheng! Come back!” One of Jing Wen’s assistants - Ling Wen? - ran after him.

“What do you want,” Jun Wu demanded.

“We still have fifteen minutes left,” Ling Wen’s eyes were wide.

“And that is my problem, because? You’re smart, figure out how to fill the time.” Once Jun Wu had gotten back in his car, he opened his phone. Social media sites were already trending with him leaving one of the most popular talk shows, but people were more interested in the few things he said about his dating life.

They were already re-evaluating every interaction he’d had with a man. Oh joy, he just gave his fans even more stuff to publish RPF on. Great.

Jun Wu arrived home earlier than expected; it was only 1:45.

“I assume you already saw everything,” Jun Wu grumbled upon entering the living room. He fell onto the couch and buried his face in Mei Nianqing’s chest.

“Dear, you can’t get mad during these silly shows. They’re always going to ask invasive questions. Now you’ve just provoked them.” Mei Nianqing ran his fingers through Jun Wu’s hair.

Mei Nianqing sat there until Jun Wu fell asleep. He always got tired when he was mad - it was a bit of a blessing. He gently lifted his head, and slipped off the couch.

“A-Lian, I’m going to go out now, don’t bother Baba, alright?” Xie Lian nodded vigorously.

✦✦✦

“Baba! Diedie! I want to go to school!” Xie Lian stood proudly in front of their bed.

“Huh? Why’s that?” Mei Nianqing sat up, groggy from being awoken at 5:30 am.

“It looks like fun,” Xie Lian hopped onto the bed. He crawled between his fathers, and nestled himself underneath the sheets.

Mei Nianqing and Jun Wu shared a look. “We’ll discuss it later.”

“Ok!”

✦✦✦

Jun Wu was used to traveling for work. While he tried his best to be home for any big holidays, the rest of the year he had a 50/50 chance of being shipped off somewhere for a shoot. But this really was the worst timing.

“Xie Lian has been getting more insistent lately. He really wants to go to school,” Mei Nianqing said over the other end of the phone.

Jun Wu leaned against the alleyway wall. “Is his tutor not doing a good enough job?”

“It's not the tutor. He wants to meet kids his own age, and I can’t blame him. We haven’t let him socialize that much, it can’t be good for him.”

“I’m sorry, but where would we send him? I don’t want him in a boarding school, and most of the good schools have already closed enrollment for next year.”

“We could just put him into a normal school? The local school accepts new students year round,” Mei Nianqing suggested tentatively.

“Is that safe? You and I both know it’s hard to show ourselves in public, and your new album has done better than all the rest. People know our faces,” Jun Wu countered.

“No, people know you with all the makeup, and know me for my singing voice.”

“Still. I don’t think we should.”

“Xie Lian is already six. We’ve kept him sheltered for long enough.”

“Can we-”

“Jun-xiansheng?” Jun Wu’s head snapped up to see two teens lingering in the opening of the alley.

“Who are you?” He asked coldly.

“My name’s Shi Qingxuan! Are you really Jun Wu?” The little girl’s eyes sparkled. Her brother’s remained flat and judgemental.

“Qingxuan, don’t give your name out to strangers.”

“Can I get your autograph?!”

Jun Wu huffed. “Fine.”

He pulled a notepad out, quickly scrawled his name, tore the sheet off, and handed it to Shi Qingxuan. “Here.”

“Whoa! Thank you so much!” The two teens ran off again.

Jun Wu brought his phone back to his ear. “See?”

Mei Nianqing sighed. “I still think that we should consider sending him to the local school.”

“...I’ll think about it. But I need to go now. Love you, bye.”

“Love you too.”

✦✦✦

Jun Wu has a child?! Shit. The headline blared in Jun Wu’s face. He was getting calls left and right from news studios, asking him to come in for an interview.

“Jun-xiansheng? This is Ling Wen, from Jing Wen’s office. We’re calling to schedule an interview with you. Are you free this Tuesday? It would be a quick, 10 minute clip.” Great, them again. But they were the most popular celebrity gossip channel, so he’d be able to clear the rumors in one show.

“Yes, I am. What time?”

“11:30 am.”

“Very well, I’ll see you then.”

✦✦✦

“A couple videos have gone around of you, on the phone, discussing your child, is that right?” Jing Wen’s grin was similar to that of the cheshire cat’s.

“Correct.”

“So, who’s the mother?”

Jun Wu’s glare could have pierced flesh, before he pieced his pleasant mask back together.

“I do not know.” Shocked murmurs rose from the crowd. For Jun Wu to openly admit that?! Something must be going on…

“Oh? A one night stand? How’d you end up with the child then?”

“No. He was adopted.” Cue several approving nods.

“Are you raising him on your own?” Of course, back to this.

Jun Wu’s smile was growing thin. “I am not.”

Jing Wen has no way to continue the conversation. He simply blinked like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Well, you heard it here first folks; Jun Wu does have a child!”

The lights dimmed as the show faded off. Jun Wu’s smile rapidly shrunk, and he got up to leave. This time, he ignored any cries from assistants and fans.

✦✦✦

“Love, please stop moving.” Mei Nianqing gripped Jun Wu’s face firmly.

“They hurt,” Jun Wu groaned.

“That’s why we’re doing this, isn’t it?” Mei Nianqing gently massaged the lotion into Jun Wu’s face.

Long-healed burn scars were spread around Jun Wu’s face. Usually hidden beneath layers of careful makeup, no one would recognize him without it.

“Done!” Mei Nianqing got up to wash his hands.

“Finally,” Jun Wu said.

“I’m ready!” Xie Lian yelled. He ran into the room, a backpack far too large for him in tow. “Can we go now? Can we?”

Mei Nianqing laughed. “Yes, we can go now.”

Jun Wu and Mei Nianqing had dressed as casually as possible, and threw on face masks as a bonus. Their precious son’s first day of school had to go as well as possible! As Jun Wu drove through the city, Xie Lian went on and on about how he hoped today would go.

“I want to be friends with everyone! ” Xie Lian’s arms spread wide to demonstrate his point.

“A-Lian, you can’t expect everyone to like you,” Jun Wu called from the front. Xie Lian pouted in response.

“No, I’m going to do my best.”

“Alright, alright.” Jun Wu held one arm up in defeat.

“And remember, you absolutely cannot tell people who we are, ok?” Mei Nianqing said firmly.

“I remember!” Xie Lian nodded vigorously.

Jun Wu parked, and opened the door for Xie Lian. “Thank you baba!”

Xie Lian forced them to hold his hands as he walked in. Once they reached his classroom, Jun Wu patted his head and Mei Nianqing kissed his cheek before they let him go.

“Be good!” Jun Wu called.

“I will!”

✦✦✦

“Oh! Our kids are in the same class!” Two moms walked over to meet them a week later, after drop off.

“Ah, really?” Mei Nianqing smiled.

“Yeah, those two fighting over there? That one is mine…sadly.” One of the moms gestured to the brown-haired kid. “I’m Feng Ling.”

“The other’s mine, I’m Mu Rong. What’s your name?”

“I’m Jun Meng,” The lie rolled off his tongue easily. It was a practiced one.

“My name’s Liu Zirui,” Mei Nianqing’s lie was further from the truth.

“We were wondering if you two would like to go out for a coffee or anything, our kids seem to be friends.” Feng Ling said.

“Ah, you must be Feng Xin and Mu Qing’s parents, nice to meet you. We’ve heard about your sons.” Jun Wu’s smile wasn’t fake this time.

Mei Nianqing checked his phone quickly before responding. “Well, we’re free right now, would you want to go?”

The two women shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

The four of them walked through the streets. Mu Rong said she knew a good coffee shop that wasn’t too busy this time of day, so they followed her lead.

“So, what do you two do for work?” Mu Rong asked. Jun Wu froze, it wasn’t often people didn’t know who he was.

“I’m in the music industry,” Mei Nianqing filled in. It wasn’t exactly a lie, was it?

“I’m working on the lights for an upcoming show of this one guy, you might have heard of him since you’re in the music industry. Ah, what’s his name…Mei Nianqing! That’s it,” Feng Ling said. “Do you know of him? He’s a pretty decent singer.”

Jun Wu stifled a laugh. Mei Nianqing rubbed the back of his neck before responding, “Yeah, I’ve heard of him.”

Mu Rong turned to Jun Wu, posing a silent question.

“Oh, I work in entertainment,” He replied smoothly. He titled his head to the side, “And what do you do?”

“I get to do people’s household chores - clean, wash and mend clothing, sometimes cook,” Mu Rong shrugged.

The coffee shop was small. It was tucked away, the entrance hidden down a short alley. But the atmosphere was warm, with a couple people but not a crowd. Once they had ordered and paid, the four found a table to sit at.

“How is your son enjoying school so far?” Feng Ling asked.

“Xie Lian’s finding it quite fun,” Mei Nianqing sipped on his tea. “And your sons?”

Mu Rong shook her head and Feng Ling sighed. “All they do is argue. Everyday, it’s ‘Mu Qing did this!’ and I was hoping they’d put this grudge past them. No matter what we do, they find something new to dislike about the other. But Xie Lian seems to have befriended both of them.”

They talked until Mei Nianqing’s phone went off.

“Ah, I understand. I’ll be there soon,” He said as he hung up. “I’m sorry, but I have to leave now.”

Jun Wu nodded. “I should get going as well. There are a couple things I need to get done for work.”

Mu Rong smiled. “Well, it was nice to meet you. Could we get your phone numbers? I think Mu Qing wants to meet with Xie Lian soon.” She turned to Feng Ling. “Maybe I can convince him to include Feng Xin.”

“I doubt that will ever happen,” Feng Ling responded.

After exchanging contact information, the four got up to leave.

“Holy shit! Is that him? Who’s he with?” Mei Niangqing and Jun Wu stilled for a split second, but continued walking away.

“Mei-xiansheng!” Well, crap. Now, other passersby were glancing over to see the commotion. A young boy ran to stop in front of Mei Nianqing. “Oh my god, it is you!”

A second boy ran to his friend's side. “I’m a huge fan! Can I get a photo?”

“Who’s this?” The first boy pointed towards Jun Wu.

“I’m sorry, I need to be somewhere,” Mei Nianqing sidestepped the boys, but the damage had been done. The two practically ran from the fans, dignity be damned. No matter how much Mei Nianqing hid his face during performances, people still found him. And now, people would have taken photos of him without any cover. Ugh!

✦✦✦

Mei Nianqing spotted with unknown civilian!

“I don’t know if I should be offended or glad they didn’t know who I was,” Jun Wu said.

“I’d be glad. They recognize you often enough,” Mei Nianqing replied. The two were laying in bed, Xie Lian long asleep. Jun Wu groaned as he scrolled. “What is it?”

“The stupid comment section figured it out.”

“That’s the power of teenage girls. They’ll spot anything,” Mei Nianqing remarked.

Jun Wu’s phone rang - again. “If this is another call about an interview…”

“Hello? Jun-xiansheng? I’m calling from Jing Wen-”

“No hablo chino.” Jun Wu shut his phone off.

“I didn’t know you could speak spanish.”

“I don’t.”

✦✦✦

“Baba, could I invite my friends over?” Xie Lian asked during dinner.

“Oh. Ah, we’ll think about it,” Jun Wu responded.

“You always say that!” Xie Lian pouted.

“You could…go over to their house?” Mei Nianqing suggested.

“No, they’d never want that.”

“...”

“A-Lian. We’ve told you many times that it's not safe for any of us.” Jun Wu’s loving gaze was growing cold.

Xie Lian crossed his arms. “But I want-”

“I’ve said no.”

Pushing his plate away, the child stood up and stormed off to his room. “I hate this!”

Mei Nianqing turned towards Jun Wu. His hands had gone still, still holding his fork an inch above his plate.

“Dear, I think we should leave him. He’s probably just up-”

“Xie Lian!” Jun Wu stood up.

“Open the door,” He demanded. Xie Lian had locked the door and removed the key from above.

“No!”

“You’re very close to getting in trouble.”

The door slowly opened. Xie Lian turned from facing his father, and ran to bury himself in his bed.

Jun Wu remained in the doorway, arms crossed. “What is wrong.”

“Nothing.” Xie Lian’s voice was muffled.

“Why are you crying?” There was no care in his voice. It was a demand.

Xie Lian sniffled. “I don’t know.”

“I have told you, you cannot have friends over. That was part of the agreement when you began school, correct?”

“...Yes.”

“So, why are you upset?”

“...”

Jun Wu let out an exasperated sigh. He turned on his heel and left.

“I can’t deal with this child anymore.” He grabbed his coat and threw it on.

“I don’t think-” Mei Nianqing started

“I’m going out. I’ll be back by 2 am.”

Slam!

The door closed violently on his way out.

✦✦✦

Jun Wu was sitting under a tree. Sure, a park at midnight might not be the safest place to be, but he wasn’t exactly thinking straight. His mind was fuzzy with anger - and a drink or three. A gash ran up his arm. From what, he did not know.

“Hey, who’s that?” A woman’s voice rang through the silence of night.

“I don’t know, but he looks familiar.” Another, deeper, voice.

“He looks like he’s bleeding, should we…?”

“Alright.” The man walked closer. “Sir? Are you ok?”

Jun Wu’s vision was going dim. The man was blurry. Maybe if he shuts his eyes for a moment…

✦✦✦

Jun Wu awoke to bright, white, lights. Chatter surrounded him, but none of it was in focus.

“Oh thank god,” He heard. Turning towards the voice, he saw a doctor. She looked immensely relieved. “You lost a lot of blood, thank god those two found you.”

“Oh.” His mind was blank and slow.

“Is there anyone we can call?” Jun Wu paused. The only family he had was Mei Nianqing.

“I- yes. Yes, I can give you their number.”

Mei Nianqing responded quickly. The second he heard the news, he rushed over to the hospital.

“Oh love, what happened?”

Jun Wu shrugged. Whispers were starting to run through the halls. Nurses and doctors glanced in their direction, trying to figure out why they looked so familiar. Jun Wu could pinpoint the moment it clicked. Whispers turned to murmurs, turned to rumors. Hours passed.

Mei Nianqing filled out the forms Jun Wu had neglected. The long cut on Jun Wu’s arm had stopped bleeding, and was covered by a long bandage. Jun Wu’s eyes, usually so admired for being expressive, were blank and hollow.

By the time Jun Wu was allowed to go, the news stations had already been alerted. He walked past them - not with his usual air of confidence, but with the air of someone who no longer knew their name. Once they figured he was not going to answer any of their questions, they turned to his husband.

“Mei-xiansheng! What is your relationship with Jun Wu?”

“Mei-xiansheng, what happened? How did he end up injured?”

“Do you know anything about his child?” Oh great, they were still on about that.

Mei Nianqing shook them off. He only guided Jun Wu to the car and left.

✦✦✦

“So, you two are married?” Jing Wen asked.

“Yes,” Mei Nianqing replied. They’d been suckered into talking to the damn gossip reporter. Leaving the situation open might cause more harm than good, it was best to clear up the facts.

“How long have you been together?”

“A few years,” Jun Wu’s mask was back in place, “And hopefully many more.”

“So you two have an adopted kid? Why did you choose to do that?”

“We wanted a kid, and adopting was our best option.” Mei Nianqing was careful with his words, giving as few as possible.

The show went as expected - Jing Wen asked invasive questions, Jun Wu got pissed, Mei Nianqing tried to mediate. The show faded to black, but their futures would only get brighter.

[storm-angel989]

Outside The Office Part Twenty Two

Hi All,

SO GLAD I got so many comments and likes on the last chapter- I hope y'all enjoy it! Trigger warning for body image issues and disordered ideas of what is healthy.

As always, please feel free to drop a comment, a DM or an ask if you have a situation you want Val and Reader to explore together- from shopping to sex, nothing is off limits!

Enjoy!

An hour to the dot later, Lucifer appeared in the living room. Val had left me behind as soon as breakfast was eaten with a kiss and a promise to make good on his words. As soon as he left I changed into the required attire and let myself lounge on the couch and scroll aimlessly through sinstergram while I waited. 

“Well, I see you look ready,” Lucifer said drily as his eyes raked over me. 

I looked up at him from where I laid on the couch. Dressed in black leggings, a tank top and sneakers I assumed my relaxed position was what he was referring to. I rolled to the side and walked towards him as I tucked my phone in my pocket. 

“Ready when you are. Where are we going anyway?” I asked as he opened a portal. “Soul collecting?”

“No. And don’t call it that. We don’t collect souls, we contract souls.” He paused but shook his head, “I mean, we technically collect them but don’t call it that. I don’t like it.”

I stared at him. Even for Lucifer, that comment was weird. “Alright then, where are we going?” 

“To see exactly where your military skills lie- and where you need to improve,” he answered. 

His gaze fell to my wrist, and then to my collarbone. Wordlessly, he brushed his finger against both. 

The bruising and pain vanished instantly. 

“It’s only temporary. Won’t last more than a few hours, but at least I can get an assessment of your full, uninjured body, ” he said easily. “Word on the street is that you were one of the most ferocious angels to ever see combat.”

I didn’t answer. Extermination wasn’t something I participated in, but battling demons who encroached on our territory? That was something I did in my younger years. Mercilessly, and without thought- just as my father had taught me. But the hours I used to spend training were now spent doing much less physical tasks- modeling for Velvette, reading contacts or doing office work for Vox, and of course, studio time with Valentino. I may have been continuing to work out for a few hours a day out of habit, but I was nowhere near where I used to be. 

I stepped through the portal behind Lucifer and looked around. The room was large, with mats shoved against one side and an assortment of weapons on the far wall. I eyed them. Crossbow. Sword. Gun. All things I could easily handle. 

Lucifer gave me a look. “Don’t even think about it. Today is an assessment of your physical skills and fitness. Not how well you can aim a gun. That comes later, I promise. Follow me.” 

I followed him through the door in the back and stepped into another room, this one fully matted, lit only by electric blue light. 

“This is my own personal creation,” Lucifer said proudly. “Over the course of the next few minutes you’ll be surrounded by enemies that feel as real as you and I are. But that’s the kicker- they’re not! That being said, every punch, every kick, every action you give or take will feel real, though at the end that pain will vanish. I strongly suggest you fight as though your life depends on it- the longer you last, the stronger the enemies. And again, I promise you no actual harm will come to you. Go stand in the center of the room.”

I did as I was told and looked around at the matted walls. A sense of unease washed over me as they flickered that same electric blue. 

“I’m going to stand in this corner right and send enemies your way. Fight like you would any other battle. I’ll call time when you’re officially dead.” Lucifer said. 

Faceless black figures filled the room. I allowed my instincts to take over. The first punch hit me in the gut thirty seconds in and I doubled over as pain shot through me. Fuck, he wasn’t kidding when he said they felt real. It was like fighting my own father, or one of the other top angels. Behind me, I felt hands grab my hair. I reached behind and yanked the shadowy being flipping it on its back as hard as I could. It vanished.

“Kill one.” a robotic voice rang out. 

Lucifer clapped his hands together. “Excellent job dear, keep going.” 

I dodged the next, and fought as hard as I could until a searing pain shot through my chest. I gasped and dropped to the floor.

“Time till death. Two minutes and forty seven seconds.” the voice rang out. 

“Oh reader, that was sorely disappointing. You’re going to have to do better than that, “ Lucifer tisked. 

Bright white lights flooded the room and he strode over to where I lay. The pain vanished but I still struggled to catch my breath, my muscles sore from the exertion. Lucifer extended his hand and helped me to my feet. 

“That was…less than impressive, my dear.” he reiterated with a shake of his head. He pressed his finger against the pulse point on my neck and looked at his watch. “I would toss you back out again, but a muscle tear would only further delay us. And judging by how slowly your heart rate is going down, I would strongly suggest conditioning yourself over the next two weeks. We can reassess then. I’d like to teach you how to utilize the power you hold, but I’m afraid we can’t do that quite yet. You’re just not physically ready.”

I must have looked dejected because he gently ruffled my hair. “Enough of that. Just because you toss inebriated demons through a wall, doesn’t mean your stamina is the same as it used to be. Follow me, I want you to see one of my staff doctors before I send you back home. Make sure you’re physically unharmed.” 

The familiar portal opened and I followed him without protest, my mind reeling with both anger and disappointment at myself. I knew how to fight, I was strong, respected, and feared. Or at least, I used to be. 

I stepped into what looked like a hospital room. Lucifer flung himself into one of the chairs and pulled out his phone. As the doctor performed his physical, he glanced up every now and then but quickly went back to typing.When I was told I was cleared of all major health issues, Lucifer stood up and tucked his phone into his jacket pocket. 

“Alright then, let’s get you home, shall we? Again, condition- hard- for the next two weeks. We’ll repeat the same process again then, hopefully with better results.” 

I followed him back through the portal, a dark cloud of shame hanging over my head. As I stepped into the apartment I was hit with the smell of vanilla cake. Velvette sat on the couch, salad in one hand and phone in the other. At least four stacks of pancakes covered the coffee table, accompanied by what looked like banana bread and cookies. 

“Glad you’re here. Vox is in a tizzy.” Velvette grumbled without looking up. 

“What’s his problem?” I asked as I surveyed the scene. I could see Vox whisking something in a bowl. Cookie dough maybe, or brownie batter. 

“My problem?! My problem is that fucker has made his way back to hell and now I have a fucking issue!” Vox hollered from the kitchen. 

Velvette rolled her eyes. Lucifer looked amused. 

“Who….exactly is that fucker?” I asked.

“Alastor.” Velevette and Lucifer answered in unison. 

“Radio demon.” Velvette explained as she stood up, her bowl empty. “They used to be friends until…”

“Until shit hit the fan. But we have bigger issues that I know were caused by him. Like the angels that killed your father and half of the angelic military have been spotted swooping through our fucking skies. And is it really that much of a stretch to notice that Alastor shows up at the same time? I think the fuck not.” Vox shouted over the oven timer. “Where the fuck are the chocolate chips? We can’t be out of them! Velvette! Come take the cake out of the oven before it burns! I need help!”

“In more ways than one,” she muttered as she walked towards the kitchen. “Settle down Vox, I got it.” 

His words snapped me to attention. “They’re here? The angels that killed my father? Here in hell?”

“I mean, they were. I made quick work of them this morning, but you- you need to get your shit together Princess. We are running on a timeline here.” Lucifer said in an unhurried voice.  “Why do you think I pulled you today? And I’m glad I did- you have work to do.” He studied my body and crossed his arms. “You’re not exactly getting tubby, but those muscles could use some work along with your fitness level.”  He checked his watch, and mumbled under his breath. “I gotta go. See you soon, I expect improvement in two weeks' time.” 

He vanished and I stared at the place where he stood. First the physical failure, and now he was insulting me? I felt the heat burn in my cheeks. Had I really let myself go that much? 

“That was mildly rude.” Velvette said as she strode back to the couch. She flopped down and pulled her phone back out. “Care to elaborate?” 

“Not really, I need some time to myself.” I replied as I turned down the hallway to my bedroom. 

Vox yelled something and she walked back to the kitchen,her attention effectively diverted. I closed and locked the door behind me. Standing in front of the mirror, stripped myself down to nothing and studied the reflection within.  As pretty as my hair and skin were, my body told a different tale. My stomach was definitely softer, my curves more prominent. My face, as clear as my skin was, was definitely rounder, an indication of the fat gained and the muscle lost. My arms, once solid, were less muscular, and my entire frame less defined. The guilt that washed over me with Lucifer flooded me now. I bit back my tears of frustration. They wouldn't solve anything- I needed a plan. 

As I dressed for the gym, I thought back on how we trained new recruits- soldiers who did less than I did on a daily basis. By hell’s standards, it would probably be considered cruel. I grabbed a notebook, outlining the plan as I remembered it. Reading it back to myself, even I had to admit it was brutal, that was for sure, but also proven time and time again. Sure, I had done it to newbie soldiers a thousand times before, but never to myself. How bad could it actually be?

Find their breaking point, my father fathers voice echoed in my head. Push them until they pass out, puke or die. And then push them harder the next time. Eventually their body will break and something stronger will take its place. 

I quietly slipped out of the apartment and headed down to the gym. To my relief, neither Vox nor Velvette were anywhere to be found.  With the exception of several of Velvette’s models, I was alone in the gym. Perfect. 

I picked up a garbage can and hesitated. I knew what was to come, and the concern that Valentino would find out and be less than enthusiastic flitted through my mind. I wondered what he would think of the whole process, but quickly decided it was in my best interest to not find out. I set the garbage pail next to the treadmill and I climb on. My wireless earphones synched up to a playlist and I let myself fall into the rhythm of a run. A mile passed. Then two. Then six. The machine didn’t stop and neither did I. 

I felt the first twinge of exhaustion around mile ten but pushed on. My chest burned as I tried to keep my breathing regulated and my focus elsewhere. Angels were made for endurance, far beyond that of any human. I wasn’t quite sure where demon stamina came in but as mile thirteen passed I felt my body start to give up. Much like I pushed the new recruits I pushed myself to hit the next ten mile goal. 

Blackness. Tripping. I grabbed hold of the machine and hit the emergency stop button, gasping for air. I grabbed the garbage can I had strategically placed and coughed until my stomach was empty. Fuck, this sucked beyond words. 

I pulled myself back up and wiped my mouth with a tissue, tossing that in the garbage along with several others. In the back of my mind I could hear my fathers disappointed voice. How I let myself get weak. How absolutely unacceptable my performance was. I sat at the edge of the treadmill and took a sip of water. Much like I had seen in the recruits, the first sip came right back up. I waited a few moments. The second sip stayed down. With that settled, I scribbled down in my notebook how far I had run and how long it had taken me. I took another sip of water and when I was sure that would stay down, I pulled myself back to my feet and headed for the weights. 

An hour and a half later I stood under the hot water of the shower, scrubbing every inch of my body. Physically, my muscles ached and I felt nauseous. But mentally? I was prouder of myself than I had been in a long time. My notebook was tucked securely away in my gym bag, not that I honestly thought any of the Vee’s would go looking for it, notice or care. But to be on the safe side, I didn’t need them to know. If I was being honest with myself, I was afraid of what they would have to say. A soft knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.

“Princessa?” Valentino asked, “can I come in?”

I took a deep breath. His voice reminded me of the next issue to be addressed, one I couldn’t hide. Something would have to be done about the calorie laden pasta dinners we ate more often than not and Valentino had a history of noticing what I did and didn’t eat. Maybe I could just explain to him what happened and tell him I was trying to eat healthier and build muscle. Not bring up the exercise part, but at least I could be transparent in this regard.

“Come on in Val,” I answered as I turned the water off. I heard the door open and shut. I stepped out of the shower and he handed me a towel. His eyes softened as he took in the sight of my body and I felt myself flush. Why didn’t he see the shameful issues that I saw?

“You look exhausted, babydoll,” he observed. His hand pressed against my forehead and ran down my cheek. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” I lied as I wrapped my towel around myself. “Just tired. I had a long day.” I filled him in on the events of the day with Lucifer and left out his comment about my body, and the part about the workout after. I watched for his reaction. 

His expression remained neutral and he pressed his lips to my forehead and wrapped me in his arms. “Baby, I’m sorry you had such a hard day. How can I help?” 

I felt a pang of something I couldn’t identify. Shame? Guilt? I closed my eyes against him. Better to just spit it out. 

“Val, will it be an issue for me to stick with salads and chicken, fresh fruit, eggs, that sort of thing? And cut back on the alcohol? At least, while I work on getting my muscle back? I’ll feel better than if I eat pasta and pancakes.” I waited for his reaction, for him to yell at me about wanting to control what I ate. 

To my surprise, he didn’t look upset, or even the slightest bit concerned. 

“Not at all princessa. It doesn’t bother me one bit. What you put in your body is your decision as long as you’re healthy about it.” He  ran his hand under my chin and tilted my head up to meet his gaze. “You sincerely look tired though. Do you want to stay home tonight?”

I nodded and rested my head against him, relief flooding through me. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t angry and he would let me eat how I wanted to. I couldn’t ask for more from him.

He kissed the top of my head. “Good. I’ll stay with you, we can have a night in together. Our own little date night,” he grinned and tugged the towel off of my body. “Starting now, yes?” 

The soreness from my workout vanished from my mind as he pushed me against the counter and pressed his lips against me. He broke away after a moment and entwined his fingers in mine. 

“Come, princessa. I have an idea I think you’ll enjoy.” 

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation (Sal Fisher): Pretty Girl [22]

"You are never allowed to leave me with him again."

I point an accusatory finger at Larry, making him keel back in his seat and scrunch up his nose.

"What the hell did he do to you?" Larry barks out, voice cracking beneath the weight of his tone.

I scoot onto a bar stool, watching as Ash pulls out a pan to cook dinner. As Larry's settling in beside me, ready to hear about the latest gossip, Todd walks through the door. It's been about an hour since Sal dropped his intimidation tactic on me and I haven't seen him since. Larry walked in with Ash mere minutes ago, the two of them giggling over their perfect timing.

I don't have even an ounce of giggle in me.

I shake my head at emo buff daddy. "I'm sure it'll be the first words out of that monster's mouth. Give him five minutes. Tops," I reply half heartedly, knowing full well that as soon as Sal realizes we're all gathered in the kitchen, he's going to come out and confirm everyone's suspicions about me.

Ash turns to me, string cheese hanging from her mouth as she says, "While the boys are out tomorrow, I'm taking you on a tour of Nockfell." She gives me a cute little half curtsy then turns back to prepping dinner, I guess.

She's used to Sal and I bickering at this point so the fact that more has happened means nothing to her.

"A tour won't be necessary considering y/n's already lived here."

I stay silent, watching the way Ash gives herself whiplash, mirroring the action with wide eyes. Larry makes a single sound, something caught between a screech and garbled choke. And Todd merely raises his brows a bit, setting his bag by the door and taking off his shoes.

Tongue in cheek, I stare straight into the kitchen, avoiding everyone's gazes even as Sal crosses my field of vision to steal the rest of Ash's cheese. I try not to watch the way he plucks the cheese from her lips then lifts up the bottom of his prosthetic to eat the rest. 

Ash's brows furrow, lips parted as if she's still holding her cheese, then whirls around to smack the back of Sal's head. The man hisses at the assault, ruffling his cerulean hair where he rubs his head to soothe the ache. 

"What the hell did you just say!?" Ash proceeds to bellow, her emerald eyes cutting into the Smurf's soul. Damn Travis for giving him that nickname.

"The obvious," Sal murmurs, buckling the bottom of his prosthetic back onto his face. His pretty face that I really wish I could see again.

This time, Ash doesn't snap back at him. Her eyes, still murderous, only hold Sal's gaze as her glossy lips press together.

"So," Larry hops into the conversation, seemingly trying to bite down whatever kerfuffle is brewing between Ash and Sal. "It's true then?" he continues. I turn my head, noting Larry's raised brows. He looks hopeful and a little... crushed all at the same time. "Why didn't you tell us all?"

My mouth opens to spew out whatever nonsense fills my head because he doesn't understand. And I don't know how to make him understand either. But I take a moment, snap my lips shut, and think about my response.

"We figured you'd tell us before Sal of all people." Todd's voice fills the hollow silence and that's when Larry's question finally clicks in my head. He didn't mean tell them all in general, he thinks I opened up to Sal about it before everyone else. It sounds like me hiding my identity doesn't even offend them in the slightest.

"I didn't tell this asshole a single thing," I bite out, gesturing to Sal who rears his head back as if someone finally told him he needs to repaint his damn nails. Offended. "He--" I purse my lips, trying to quickly reword this afternoon's events in a way that doesn't spell out the fact that Sal Fisher feasted on me like Thanksgiving dinner laid out on his gaming desk. I blink. "He walked out of his room, had an epiphany or something, and called me out by name. What was I supposed to do?"

It's quiet. Quiet in the sense that I could hear everyone's hearts pounding simultaneously if I focused hard enough. Up until: "I told her that we all knew. You guys were being nice about it and, well, I'm not. Case closed. Vi is y/n confirmed and now we can squash out the hiding and tiptoeing. Welcome to the real world." Sal's less-than-chipper, nonchalant voice echoes in the near silent kitchen as he explains himself, leaning against the sink beside Ash.

"Does Ash know though?" Larry raises an eyebrow at Sal and his expression is wary, concerned. Like he's afraid of the moment Ash squeals in excitement over this discovery.

Sal just gives his brother a bland look. "Brain, Lartholomew. Use your brain, not your cock."

Larry's eyes narrow. "I'll have you know that my schlong has never led me astray," he says pridefully. "But as for Ash," He turns his head and levels a glare at the beauty. "You didn't say a single word about this. What's up with that?"

It's my turn to cut in now. Ash isn't at fault here-- not a single bit of this falls onto her because all she did was exactly what I'd asked of her. She's been perfect.

"I asked her to stay quiet," I say, shriveling a bit as all heads turn to me, clearly waiting for an explanation. So I take a breath and tell them the truth-- at last. Shedding the weight of lying after dying to let it out and be honest for so long.

"A day or two before I came in as VioletViolence," I start, glancing between Todd and Larry. I'm talking to them-- Ash already knows the deal and I know Sal couldn't care less. "I watched the video where you guys talked about me. And I heard everything Sal had to say. I called Ash later, ended up having a short and quick chat with Sal--" I try not to aim a menacing glare at him while recalling the memory. "And then Ash... knowing that things kind of sucked for me in LA, offered to help me get started with streaming. You guys know I like games, she does too, so I decided to try it out. But in between that, I was terrified of Sal for whatever reason and didn't want to say who I truly was. What if he called me out online or refused to play or something? It just felt... it felt so dire," I try to explain, accentuating with my hands, desperate to portray what went through my mind. What led to this. "That I couldn't come out as myself. And I'm sincerely sorry for all of it-- for not being open with you guys sooner, for approaching the situation with a disguise to begin with. I'm sorry."

The words pour out of me and it takes every inch of my sanity not to fold in on myself. Admitting the truth is scarier than visiting the dentist. I should have just been honest from the start.

"So it's your fault."

I focus in on Larry who practically scowls through each word-- his head tilted at Sal and fury dancing in his pretty, chocolatey eyes. 

My eyebrows raise as I watch the stare down between both men, taking a mental note to bet on who would win. Maybe I can make a couple bucks.

Unfortunately, my bet is on Sal simply because he's normally incredibly calm with his responses-- unless it's him and I arguing, of course. "If it's any consolation," he says, watching Larry without an inch of fear in those azure eyes. "I kind of feel bad about it."

I suck in a quick breath as some kind of tie unfastens around my heart. It's not an apology, but it's an emotion. From Sal. From the aggravation and... acquaintance he's slowly turning into for me... that has ailed my soul for months now.

It's not an apology, but it means something.

"Then do better, Fisher," Larry warns playfully, smacking his lips. "Y/n's family. She's not going anywhere. You have to get used to it."

Sal rolls his eyes, slipping back into his usual, foul personality. "Joy," he blandly states. And like a phantom wind, Sal simply slinks over to the fridge, grabs another string cheese, then disappears into his room. No wonder he's so damn pale-- I have no doubt he has some kind of vitamin deficiency.

Todd sighs, breaking the temporary silence that had settled over us. And for what it's worth, instead of arguing that I'm not family, Sal silently accepted it instead.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

The next morning, Ash has me up at the crack ass of dawn.

It's actually just 10pm, but it feels early enough considering Larry and I stayed up til 3am streaming together. We double-teamed heaping groups of poor, unfortunate victims in Among Us. It was really fun and our fans loved seeing us side-by-side on whoever's stream they decided to join.

Ash and I decided to spend the night too. Apparently, things didn't go down great at her house so she wanted to give her parents some time to cool off. I didn't want to pry, especially since it seemed like it wounded Ash too, so we pulled out the sofa bed and camped out in the living room together. The whole night, I could have sworn I felt something purring at my feet, but maybe it was just a dream.

I replaced my normal mask with a sleeping mask for the night. Doesn't cover as much but it's better than nothing, plus I had my head hidden under the blankets regardless. Either way, whatever I did managed to do the trick and no one discovered my other identity.

Both boys are apparently gone by now, having embarked on their own journeys that they claimed they had for the day.

"Come on, get up, time to go," Ash chirps like a mourning dove when all the morning glories begin to bloom. I am not having it, even as I follow her orders and change into some clothes for the day-- black skirt, Type O Negative merch shirt, and vans. Could be better, could be worse. Ash says I look 'smashing' though, even if the color of my outfit clashes with the violet of my mask.

When I walk into the kitchen, I grab a croissant resting on a paper plate and stuff it into my mouth for a quick breakfast. Ash grabs a crimson purse that looks like it costs more than my prospective college tuition would have, and gestures to the front door. "We're walking today, gorgeous," she tells me with a grin. "Nockfell's tiny. We get around on bikes or our feets."

"Feets?" I ask with a giggle, enjoying the cool breeze that flows into the house when Ash opens the front door. 

Ash nods proudly. "Yup. Feets."

So we use our feets and walk through the little town of Nockfell. It's everything I remembered it being-- a scene straight out of the Halloween franchise. Tall oaks shedding their leaves, glowing a golden brown and yellow in the dim sunlight. That is, whatever little sunlight manages to shine through the overcast clouds that threaten to spill their rainy contents every second.

The pumpkins aren't in season yet. The numerous, empty crop fields we pass on our trip onto main street tells me as much. But it's only a matter of time now, just a couple months until little pumpkins begin to pop up.

"For now, we're dropping by Henry's music store, mainly because I know you want to see it since you like music and all. After that, we can do whatever you want-- or just go home. Doesn't matter to me," Ash says as we finally reach Nockfell's main street. It's this one road that runs straight through the heart of Nockfell. The road that travelers take to get through the city as quickly as possible. 

I look over at my best friend, observing her wine colored lips that nearly match her purse, then her long-sleeved, grey crop top and black jeans. She's so pretty.

"Henry has a music store?" I ask once I remember that the goddess on my side spoke to me.

"Mhm," Ash hums, flipping her sort of short hair over her shoulder. "It's just a couple buildings away now," she continues, leaning toward me and pointing down the road ahead of us. I haphazardly glance, assuming that the giant record sign with an F in the middle is the store in question. 

Ash and I are walking into the store just seconds later. We hover near the door only until Henry catches Ash's eye. She launches into a speed-walk in his direction, but I admire the inside of the store before following.

Guitars of various types and colors litter the walls of the store. So many... so many that I can't even count. And then the floor houses different drums, add-on's for instruments, and a wide variety of records. It's stunning-- so much so that I swear I can hear seraphim singing all around me. Such an angelic thing to see; the makings of the best genre of music. 

When I snap out of my ogling, I walk over to where Ash is finishing up a conversation with Henry.

I smile at the man as he walks away from the front counter, moving over to help a young boy who's desperately trying to hold onto a guitar that's far too large for him. Sweet little thing.

I turn my attention to Ash who's chewing on the end of a pixie stick,-- I don't know where the hell she got it from-- gazing lazily at Henry's silhouette. Her eyes slide to mine, viridian irises shining in the various fluorescent lights that add a mystifying brightness to the space-y room. She gives me a bewitching smile, teeth imbedded into the stained paper of her candy.

With a smile back at her, I lean my elbows onto the counter I found her at and rest my chin in my palm. "Are we camping out with the boys again tonight?" I voice my internal question, watching as she purses her lips in contemplation.

"It's up to you," she murmurs, shrugging. "We've all been packed up for the most part since before we went to LA. We just have necessities to pick up— which, that's all at the boys' place because they all live together." I guess she's trying to avoid the topic of her parents. Her eyes glaze over me, thinking about the best option, no doubt. "We leave in two days— more than enough time to pack up their kitchen and get my boxes into a van."

"I'm fine with either option," I bashfully admit. I hate making decisions— I don't want to disappoint anyone, especially when I'm more than happy to do whatever.

Ash narrows her eyes at me playfully, scrutinizing me and my lacking decision lightheartedly. "I'll just ask Larry what he wants to do then," she chirps. Bless Ash and her ability to find a solution to everything. "Would you be able to put up with Sal for another night if we decide to stay?"

I snort. "Yea, don't worry about that. He seems to be the type to lock himself in his room for hours on end and never come out," I chuckle a bit as I think about how I was occupying a few minutes of those hours for him yesterday. "That means we'd hardly cross paths."

Ash tilts her head, lips quirked up lightly as her hair falls into her eyes. My fingers itch to push the strands away from the forest of green hiding beneath. "I think he's warming up to you," she counters my rationale with something so obnoxiously ridiculous that I nearly fall over.

"Yea, okay," I answer sarcastically, unable to hold back the crazed laugh that falls from my lips.

The music in the room suddenly grows louder, cutting off our conversation. Ash jumps out of her skin, eyes momentarily going wide. But then they narrow, brows bunched together as her gaze shoots to me.

"Why the hell is it so loud?" she voices my thoughts.

But that's the thing, it isn't just loud. It's suspiciously concert-like. "Is someone playing?" I ask, turning to see if Henry is the culprit— I hear guitar and drums. Someone is playing Save Me by Killswitch Engage beautifully.

Ash whips her head to the side like she got sucker punched. I watch as confusion flits across her features, and then stony concern. Clear apprehension exemplified by the pinching of her lips, but some frustration mixed in there too if her furrowed eyebrows are a hint to anything.

So I turn my head to look where she is too, finding that someone is playing. Well, people are playing. Todd's boyfriend, Neil, is going to town on a drum kit like a pro. I'd noticed the set up upon walking into the store but I didn't think it was usable.

I'm thinking Neil might play a big part in my life-- more specifically, he might play a big part in a very specific band.

And in front of him is a man with a guitar in his hands. A blue guitar and that red, gold, and black mask with music notes. Intricate, loud, mysterious. And I am one hundred percent hallucinating right now because why the fuck would North be in Nockfell of all places? The Faces' hometown or not, this is fever dream material.

"What the fuck." Words fall from my lips before I can really think better about them, my eyes darting over every inch of North's figure like an alligator staring at its prey-- probably something innocent like a bunny. I feel like such chaos compared to North who has been nothing but pure, sweet, and tender to me. But the way his fingers, clad in fingerless leather gloves, move along the strings of his vibrant guitar, his mask tilted down with his head as he watches his finger placement and movements, and the positioning of his entire body as he shreds through a guitar solo. What else is supposed to go through my mind other than unintelligible button smashing? My mental keyboard's letters are flying around my head like a fucking tornado.

A monotonous, mumbled reply from Ash makes me blink at the rockstar, my eyes never leaving his form. "Dark Autumn Complex recorded their music video here," she answers the question I failed to ask— she knows me so well. "I thought they'd left."

Tongue in cheek and heart racing a mile a minute, I say, "Why am I just finding out about this?"

"Because it didn't matter at first," she instantly replies, voice a tad louder. "But now I'm starting to wonder if what Larry said was true."

I gulp. I've been wondering about that too. About North's supposed crush on me. I assumed it was all in good fun, but Ash possibly finding some hidden truth in the matter makes my stomach feel queasy. And the queasiness isn't bad.

I bite down on my bottom lip, watching as North and Neil close the song, breaking off on a heavy chord before taking a moment to catch their breath. Neil wipes beads of sweat off his forehead, captivating smile enveloping his face and illuminating his mocha skin. Todd wasn't lying when he flaunted about his boyfriend being a complete catch.

North, on the other hand, lets his guitar hang from his chest and turns to Neil, uttering something quiet enough to the point that Ash and I can't hear. It's clear that the two men are communicating though because Neil is nodding his head in agreement, laughing heartily, and talking back to him.

I turn away, facing Ash who stands behind the counter. I don't need to get myself tangled up in another messy situashionship. Sal's more than enough in that department, plus North is too gentle for that. I wouldn't do that to him. I don't need all this strife and mess. It's probably better if I don't talk to North anymore, even if the thought pulls at my heartstrings a little too hard.

Ash is chewing on the inside of her cheek, eyes slowly roving around and growing closer to my own body. My breath catches in my throat as I contemplate what to do within the next few moments. My best friend looks anything but content and I know her eyes are tracking North's movements. Her calculated emerald eyes say enough.

My lunch leaps into my throat when arms cage me in from behind, hands resting on the counter on either side of me. I have, like, five seconds tops to decide on a plan before I address the man behind me and his very bold approach. Wow, never thought I'd be shooting down a hot guy like this.

I run my tongue over the surface of my teeth, tilting my head up a bit to find that fancy mask hovering over my body and showing off what looks like grey eyes that are solely focused on me.

My heart thumps like there are a thousand little miners embedding pickaxes into the crevices of the organ, trying to dig their way through to see what lovely minerals they'll find. It's almost too much— the little intrigued, shocked twinkle in the masked man's shaded eyes and the way his fingertips dig into the wood counter in front of me, arms encircling my body like a shield.

I slap a smile onto my lips, a smile that undoubtedly looks nauseated and a mess. But it's a smile. "Hi, North." The words pop past my lips and I thank my body's natural instincts for a moment. I always babble when I'm cornered and I appreciate that weakness at the moment. It might scare him off before I have to possibly break his heart. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.

My head tilts downward again and I carefully shift myself, turning my body around to face the man as he takes a step away. In addition, his head tips to the side almost as if he didn't expect me to speak.

So I keep speaking despite how badly I wish I could shut up now. The babbling worked a second ago but this consistency— I might as well consider myself a pile of vines wrapping my way around this poor guy's legs. I can't stop.

"My cousin thinks you're hot." I seethe on the inside, willing myself to just shut the fuck up. I've said all of seven words to him in the span of a full minute and it's already getting worse. "Can I get a picture of you to send to him?" Y/n, please, for the love of everything holy.

I'd never truly be able to explain the panic that coursed through me upon seeing him playing his guitar, but having him suddenly right in front of me has sent me into flight or flight mode. My fight instincts are to bargain my way out or yap until someone gets bored with me so... here we are.

Much to my chagrin, North fucking nods. This walking, breathing, living piece of sex on a stick nods at me to signal his agreement to a picture. And now I'm stuck and Ash can't see my face so she doesn't know the fear roiling through my limbs right now, taking over my brain and turning me into someone I'm not. Arguably.

So I lift my phone with shaky fingers and slap the most pathetically petrified grin on my face to take a quick picture of us and send it to Travis because now I have to follow through with the stupid last minute plan.

But things always get worse when it comes to me. I make a mental note to stop putting myself in tricky situations the moment that North moves beside me and stands so close that his arm has to wrap around my upper back and his chest is pressed into my shoulder. I lose every sense, falter for such a long moment that I forget how to breathe.

The warmth radiating through the right side of my body is intense, alongside the cool fingers gently pressing into the top of my left arm where his hand wrapped around me. I hear a sigh from behind— Ash.

His mask taps against the side of mine and I realize that I can just make out the sound of his even breathing. Quiet, muffled, unbothered. This is nothing to him— likely something he does with fans quite often. Does he get this close to them too? Is he this intimate with everyone? Based on how comfortable he seems, I'd guess this is routine. I'm nothing special— and I don't know if that's relaxing or the reason my own bodily functions haven't returned to normal yet.

I gulp, flipping my camera to take a picture of us together. I muster up the best little smile I can force, a slight tilt of my lips and squinting of my eyes. North presses his face a little closer against mine, the plastic of our masks causing a dull scratching sound that reverberates through my entire skull. A tattoo in the lonely, forgotten, impenetrable part of my brain that swore off any little desperate feelings of tenderness years ago.

I snap the picture quickly and bring my phone down, hastily clicking onto Travis's contact to send the photo. "Thanks," I shakily chirp to North, "I'll keep it forever." I say it with a subtle tone of finality, hoping that it'll result in him moving away... but he stays, chin on my shoulder as my quivering fingers hover over the keyboard.

Okay. I guess he's curious. He must be enjoying the way I'm very obviously squirming.

I type out a quick text before sending the picture.

Me: guess what :3 Me: (1 attachment)

Travis's response comes no less than a full five seconds later, the little text bubble popping up the way North popped into Nockfell today. I hate my life.

Simp for the Entire Male Population: BITTTTTCCCCHHHHH Simp for the Entire Male Population: Hold on, FaceTime me so I can show him my cock.

That brings me a little bit of joy. I snort at the message, noting that it's the exact moment that North finally moves— but it's not away from me, it's a laugh he's barely able to keep hidden, a snort just like mine if you will. I could love this man, I really could, but I won't.

And then he plucks my phone from my fingers which sets me into fight mode again, but this time I'll actually drop kick him. I have a lot to lose with my phone in someone else's hands— if he clicks out of my messages with Travis, he could see my real name somewhere. He could see my messages with my dad, hell, he could see my messages with Sal— that perpetually unsaved number sitting in my messages with his last text including the name Lexi.

A flicker of unadulterated fear and failure makes me feel as if I'll vomit, sweat building up on my forehead at the mere prospect. But North, he doesn't move my phone from my view— holds it out in front of both our faces as he types out a quick message that says,

Me: no doubt mine'll be bigger -N

I swallow past the dryness in my mouth. What a brave guy to test my cousin like that. Travis enjoys a challenge. I'm lucky that I'm family because otherwise I'd have an unwanted dick pic floating in, I'm sure. Maybe these two should exchange phone numbers.

Travis hasn't messaged back, but North starts typing again.

Me: post our picture.

He doesn't send the message, just leaves it there for a second for me to see. Then he holds down the backspace button, deleting the message entirely.

I blink. Once, twice, a third time before I fully process his message.

"You want me to post our picture?" I ask him, making the mistake of turning my head to look at him. And he's close, too close— so close that even he finally backs away, keeping a safe but friendly distance between us. He nods his confirmation while simultaneously allowing me to take my first breath of air without shuddering since he first walked over here.

North nods again, shifting his weight into a more relaxed stance, his hands in the pockets of his slacks. Dressed the same way he was at his concert. So Noah Sebastian-coded.

I nod back, wielding a mental knife that stabs and slices at the awkwardness I've caused. I can't stand myself— I shouldn't be like this. If anything, he should be. He's the one who called me his idol the other day.

Regardless of my current circumstances, I open up Instagram and post our picture, making sure to tag North and their band account. I don't bother putting a caption though. I don't have the brain power to come up with anything smart or witty. I don't have the brain power to come up with anything at all.

I post the photo then lock my phone with lightening speed and stuff it into my pocket. I don't want to be present when the comments and likes start to roll in, especially not in front of him.

My attention goes back to North who's still standing in front of me. He tilts his head down a bit, as if to show me he's pleased then takes a step forward. He moves fluidly, like a gentle wave in a calm ocean as his hand lifts and his fingers tap under my chin. It's a featherlight, minuscule touch that tilts my head up just a tad before he pulls his hand away again. A thank you, nice to see you, wish I didn't have to leave, and see you later. That's what that touch was. All in one.

He looks over my shoulder at Ash, offers her a wave, glances back at me then turns on his heel. And like he was never even here to begin with, his presence is gone-- disappeared behind a door labled 'Employees Only.' I feel like I went through something that dreamcatchers are supposed to keep at bay. The only remnants and confirmation that what I just lived through was real being the most recent photo in my camera roll, one that I don't have the balls to look at right now. 

And then my body betrays me. A fluttering deep in my soul makes me press a hand to my chest as if I'm trying to release trapped butterflies. Trying to scrounge up a lost breath, searching high and low for a medical explanation as to why my fingers tremble. Why my legs feel like jello. Why my stomach is twisted into knots that are too tight to unravel. Why my body feels so light, but my mental feels so drained. Why I feel drawn to chase that man behind the door while battling the internal faint feeling that has me swaying on my feet.

This feeling doesn't seem as terrible as it did when I felt it with Sal. The attraction. The tender affection that grips me in its ambrosia-drenched, quietly dangerous vices.

I stare at the empty spot where North stood just seconds ago. The spot that Neil suddenly fills up.

"Hey," he drawls in such a milky tone, pretty smile stealing my attention for just a moment. "You're Vi, right? I've heard a lot about you from Ash and Todd!" His umber skin, illuminated by the low lighting in the store, captures my gaze when just a singular bead of sweat drips down his neck and disappears beneath the collar of his shirt. 

I'll never say it out loud but, damn, is Todd a lucky man. I feel like I'm looking at a god of old age right now-- the type that's too perfect even for statues.

I suck in a breath and force another smile on my face. I'll worry about North later.

"Hey, Neil," I start cooly, offering the man my outstretched hand. "Yea, I am Vi but I'm also y/n-- not sure if everyone else told you yet. But, nice to see you again."

Neil's brows raise in surprise. "Ah, no, seems Todd left me out of the teacup this time." He chuckles lowly, showing off that handsome grin again. "I haven't seen you since grade school! How have you been?"

I shrug, smiling in turn. "Not really thriving, but surviving," I admit with a chirp, drowning in Ash's silence while Henry's chipper form grows closer to us.

Neil tilts his head and purses his lips as if to say that he relates. But when he speaks again, it's the last thing I expected to hear. 

"You know, I noticed you kept perfect beat with my drumming earlier. Do you play at all?"

My eyes widen a bit. I hadn't even realized he noticed me, nor did I realize that I was keeping beat with the song he and North played. A little breathless, I reply, "I've played for seven years. Haven't for the last year though because of my living situation, but..."

"Wow," he whispers, leaning closer to inquire in that smooth voice. "Seven years?" He puffs his cheeks, blowing out a breath. "That's... a while. Would you want to play?"

Where my chest felt filled to the brim mere moments ago, it suddenly feels achingly hollow. Play? Again? It's been over or near twelve full months since I so much as touched my drum kit that's been packed away in three separate boxes. I've ached to wrap my fingers around drumsticks again and get lost in the beat of a good song. 

But there's anxiety deep in my gut because it's been so long. I don't know if I can even still play anymore.

"I don't know," I tell him weakly, glancing over his shoulder at the immaculate drum kit. Set up and spotless, drumsticks resting on top of the snare. "I don't think I'd be any good. Not what I used to be."

Neil shakes his head exasperatedly. "Girl, you played for seven years. That isn't just a talent anymore, that's second nature. Drumming is breathing. You could lose both your hands and still find a way to play. Get get on that kit before I drag you there." His voice is aggressive, but in that loving, coddling type of way. Still aggressive enough to make me flinch into a quick walk toward that daunting drum kit in the middle of the room.

Ash, Neil, and Henry follow behind me as I round the kit and plop into the chair, staring down at the instrument that haunts me night and day. The one thing that kept me tethered to this world when nothing else could. Cymbals, toms, snare, bass. It's all here.

I chew on the inside of my cheek and delicately pick up the drumsticks, flipping one around in my left hand. The little trick I used to flaunt in high school. 

My eyes drag up to Ash who's watching me with stars in her eyes. She catches my gaze and clears her throat. "I didn't know you played," she rasps out.

"You know I like my secrets," I croon, tilting my head a bit. "Got a song request?"

"Well knowing you, it's all rock or metal," she snorts, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"You're correct," I snicker, waiting for a song name or band, something. I covered a lot of songs during my free time in high school. If Ash gives me the one hard song she knows, I'll probably be able to play it.

"Wherein Christine Daaé Becomes Her Own Phantom?" Ash asks, eyes narrowing as her face contorts into a nervous cringe. A Dark Autumn Complex song. Of course. One of their first from however long ago.

I giggle as confirmation, readying my sticks and giving myself a moment to think back on all the memories that Neil was right about. I've done this long enough. It is second nature and it always will be.

With the first hit of my drumstick, I fall into a bridge between dimensions. A bridge only available when I immerse myself, lose myself in the art that comes with music. Comes with creating and mimicking it. Time slips by on a breeze, slow but so death-defyingly fast. Quiet, but pounding in every inch of my being. 

And I only return to reality when I realize I'm nearing the end of the song, drawing off with a final note and staring at the echoing drums in front of me, my fingers numbing and sticks hot in my hands.

I missed this so much.

I don't have time to wonder how I did or feel stage fright because my lovely best friend takes that opportunity away.

Ash's loud, reverberating squeal drags my gaze up from the kit. My eyes meet her teary ones first. She looks so excited, hands curled underneath her chin as she grins brightly. Beside her though, the only really attention-grabbing figure is North who's resurfaced from his hiding place at the back of the store. But he just looks at me-- his dark eyes don't crinkle in a smile, he doesn't walk over to me or make a move at all. Just stands next to Henry who looks like he could cry with the kind of pride only a father can have. And Neil, he's at my side, I realize, when a warm hand clasps onto my shoulder.

I whip my head to him, gazing up at his much taller figure. "See?" he exclaims, gesturing to the drums. "I knew you had it in you. You need to get back on a kit and keep working. Don't give this up. You're really good." He gives me an encouraging smile that has my mind reeling with possibilities. 

That smile gives me hope. So I smile back at that hope.

As I'm standing to leave this gorgeous drum kit behind, I notice Ash angle a blinding glare at North beside her. The man doesn't acknowledge the expression, or her for that matter. When Ash looks back to me though, I wonder if I really did see a glare because she looks so happy, so filled with positivity. Maybe the look was in my head.

The woman comes bounding over to me, her dainty hand gently wrapping around my wrist. "Let's head home," she says, ditching her plan of letting me pick where to go next in the city. "I have to stop by the Nockfell Psychward first--"

"I'm sorry," I cut in, watching her warily. "The psychward? Nockfell has one of those?"

Ash waves me off. "Not an actual psychward, silly. That's just what we call our local grocery store. Filled with all kinds of people, customers and employees alike, who really need to be admitted." She looks off into the distance like she's reminiscing about something before her forest eyes clash with mine again. "Let's go!"

Ash begins dragging me out of the music store, the grip on my wrist going from gentle to dominating in a quick second. It makes me wonder what kind of rollercoaster her lovers must go through when it comes to her.

I turn a head over my shoulder, waving at Henry, Neil, and North who watch Ash kidnap me like this is a normal occurrence. All three wave back just as we disappear through the doors, but I watch North until he's nothing but a speck of dust hidden behind those tinted doors. Until we're already walking far enough down the road that I can see Nockfell's grocery store just a little ways away. Or, as Ash calls it, the Nockfell Psychward.

Ash and I are finished with our shopping trip within just ten minutes, the two of us holding three bags each on one arm and coveting hot coffee in our other free hand. 

Ash sips from her coffee, licking her lips clean of the brown liquid before she turns to me with something fiery flashing in her eyes. Our walk back to Sal, Larry, Todd, and Neil's place is just about five minutes as far as I've heard.

I match Ash's steps as she watches me, holds my gaze, starts brewing something in that beautiful, jewel-encrusted mind of hers. 

"Is there something going on that you haven't told me about?" She asks, an edge to her voice that makes my limbs lock up. I almost trip over my feet.

Does she know? About me and Sal? We've been careful, covered our tracks fairly well, as far as I'm aware. Maybe Sal's been talking? Maybe I'm overthinking? But for her to hit me with this kind of question...

"Uh, not that I'm aware of?" I force out through trembling lips, hoping that the veer-off from the truth is believable enough.

Ash's eyes narrow and I feel like I might dissipate into the afterlife right here on the side of the road.

"So North's infatuation with you is just... random." She states-- states, not asks-- and tilts her head forward like she can read the lies and truths swirling around in my head.

Oh, she's thinking that me and North have something going on.

I almost feel inclined to lead her in that direction-- to think that maybe North and I are involved so that it keeps her away from suspecting me and Sal. But I'm already hiding enough from her. Lying to her again, roping North into it... it feels unnecessary. Feels cruel.

"Yes," I say truthfully, taking a quick sip of my peppermint mocha. "I'm as confused and shocked as you are," I tell her, gesturing with my cup. "But I'm not opposed to it either."

It pains me to watch the grim expression that takes over Ash's face, the way she pinches her lips together like she knows she's going to disappoint me. 

"It's..." She trails off, looking up to the cloudy, grey sky as she tries to find the right words. "It's... odd. The whole thing is weird." She jerks her head to the side as if to take back what she said, but adds to the statement instead. "I know it's not my place to get involved, but it just doesn't sit right with me. It's so... just..."

"Wrong? Random? Unnecessary? Misplaced?" I fill in the blank for her, voicing my own thoughts on the matter. These words have been plaguing me regarding North's sudden focus on me. I'm nothing but the dirt beneath his feet-- so why is he into me at all?

"Well, now that you say it," Ash starts. "I can tell why he's interested. You're beautiful with a stunning and selfless personality to match. Literally, who wouldn't fall for you?"

I smile at my dear friend, red painting my cheeks from her words. I don't have a response, not when she's completely countered both our thought processes. 

"I'll just bully Sal about it since they're close," she quips, shrugging. "I've never seen North go for anyone but fuck buddies and I don't want that for you, so I'm gonna get the message to him in some way. I'll make sure he knows of my wrath."

We walk a little ways farther up the road, turning into Sal's driveway. I'm so immersed in what Ash has said that I nearly miss the very well cared for '67 Camaro parked beside the house. It's a little worse for wear, shows its age, but the black paint is fresh, glistening. It's clearly loved.

My guess is that it's Neil. He was the only one who wasn't at the house yesterday-- he probably beat Ash and I home. 

But I focus on Ash as we walk up the front steps to the house. "Just don't hurt his face," I joke to her, watching as she turns the doorknob, pushing it open with her hip. "I know he's pretty beneath that mask."

"How do you know that?" Ash snorts, setting her three bags on the table. I follow suit.

"All masked men are hot," I say, shrugging. "I know North is going to be beautiful the same way I knew Sal would be."

Ash snaps her head to look at me. The action is so quick that I wonder how she didn't snap her neck. "You think Sal is beautiful?" She asks, her words a grating, exasperated shrill.

I wince, watching her with furrowed brows. "I'm stating the obvious," I argue, holding my hands up in surrender. "I mean, come on, he's a handsome man with a pretty face."

I mean those words. I've meant them every time I've said this. Sal has such a nice face-- scars and all. 

Ash seems to contemplate, those viridian eyes roving over me the entire time. "Yea...true," she finally settles on, "Sal is pretty." But there's something in her gaze that says she's wary.

Movement seems to catch Ash's eye the moment she utters those words, because she snaps her head forward again. Her neck is really going to hurt later. But I follow her gaze, coming to the horrible realization that Sal is just... here. He's leaning against the edge of the kitchen table across from Ash and I, watching with those haunting sapphire eyes.

I don't have words. They've failed me. Someone needs to put me out of my misery.

"You," Ash practically growls, pointing a finger at Sal like it's a Sith Lord's lightsaber. Her voice is menacing, holding a fuck ton of hidden, murderous desires. "Put your friend on a fucking leash."

Her seething words make me take a step back. The sheer, bloodthirsty undertones take me back to the conversation we had on the way here. She told me she'd bully Sal about North, but maybe she only put up that front to keep me off her tail. So I wouldn't freak out or tell her to leave things be. Because the way she's stomping over to Sal right now, getting in his face with a nasty scowl taking over her features, says that maybe she really is angry and put-off by this whole thing with North.

Sal looks down at her, prosthetic face perfectly masking his emotions like it always does. His eyes do a great job of holding up that nonchalant expression as he carefully says, "If my friend did it and I didn't, then there's no reason for you to come at me like this." Those words are meticulous. No yelling. No anger. Just... words. But that alone seems terrifying, especially when he adds, "Back off."

Ash concedes to his request, taking a singular step back to put some space between them. My body grows warm beneath the tension, the pressure of watching these two stare at each other-- one hot-headed and ready to knock the shorter one down, and the other the complete epitome of calm aggression with no fear in his stance.

"I'm serious, Sal," Ash warns. I've never heard her so grave before. "He's playing with fire and if he adds anymore fuel, the results won't be pretty. Talk to North. You need to talk to him." She takes a deep breath, harsh voice softening a bit. "And you tell him that I said he needs to figure his shit out and leave y/n alone. Because I know him. And I know that he's going to play her like a fucking fiddle if he isn't threatened."

Oh. So when she said that North only had fuck buddies, she meant that she doesn't trust him with me. Even if she doesn't realize that I'm in some kind of shituationship with the man right in front of her-- fuck buddies-- whichever it is. She's just looking out for me, obviously, but that assertive stance she's taken against it... I can't help but feel like letting her dig a hole for this blooming thing between North and I is the best decision.

Sal doesn't reply to her. But he does stand a bit straighter, puts his hands into the pockets of his sweats. And then his head turns to me. 

A dark ocean of endless blue meets my gaze as he asks in a low, authoritative tone, "What did he say to you?"

The question catches me off guard. The way he articulated the words, the tone he used. All suggesting someone playing a protective role. It sends that fluttering feeling through me again.

My mouth goes dry as I battle my own mind, fighting for the right thing to say. But I don't know what to say. Between Sal making me feel things I shouldn't and North leading me into a corner, I'm stuck.

I subconsciously shake my head, mouth gaping like a fish as my heart pounds wildly in my chest, my body still warm with anxiety. "It's-- He--" I falter, swallowing thickly before I try again. "It's nothing bad, per se." I shrug shakily as Ash turns her head to assess me too. "Some flirting online, and-- and we took a picture today. He grabbed my chin. That's about it. It's really... not a big deal."

"Wait, he's been flirting with you online?" Ash asks, emerald irises zeroing in on me just as her voice grows harsh yet again. Even Sal tilts his head, eyes narrowed.

Ash walks over to me and I already know what she's silently asking for. Proof.

It may not be a big deal to me, but if Sal is actively getting involved... maybe it's bigger than I think.

So I pull my phone out of my back pocket to show her our interaction from a couple days ago. But it turns out I don't need to.

The very first notification on my phone, among a few others, is from North. A comment under the picture I'd posted of us.

dacnorthxx: pretty girl <3

My lips part in surprise at the same moment Ash lets out a grumble of frustration behind me. 

And Ash, ever the leader and queen that she is, leaves my side and walks up to Sal again. She puts a predatory hand on his arm, fingers gripping his clothed skin. 

"Handle it," she seethes from behind clenched teeth. "Or I will."

---------

A/N:::::::: hi my sweet babies :3 I'M SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONGGGG and i hope this chapter is okay too! i've been daydreaming about it tbh, i LOVE it but i always feel like i can never fully portray my thoughts with words sooooo

so-- a couple things before i leave you guys for the night: 1.) spring break was not very restful for me so i've secluded myself to self-isolation. it's been really hard for me to even message family back. between forced proximity with the man who assaulted me and never getting a moment to rest, i've just been to myself. i apologize for that because i know many of you have been messaging me and commenting. i'll be getting back with everyone as soon as i remember that i'm in charge of my life, i pinky promise! thank you for sticking around <3 2.) i've been trying to follow you guys' recommendations! i appreciate seeing the tips you guys have for me because it prepares me for the future and helps to improve my writing. thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the help! that being said, one of the things i'm trying to do is limit the amount of detail i put into certain things. too much detail gets boring, so i'm trying to drive away from that. because of this, i feel like the chapter might be lacking. so, to further my own progress, please let me know how you liked the chapter AND tell me something i can do better!! thank you >.<

anyway, i've been fucking FLYING through the ACOTAR series lately. i'm on the second to last book and close to sobbing over it :,) but it has kept me very sane these days so definitely go give miss Sarah J. Maas a shot if you haven't yet!!

i feel like there's more i want to say but i can't remember??? i'll just put it in the comments if i do remember~ ANYWAY!!! thank you all for the support, the love, and your presence. i love you all so infinitesimally much and i am eternally grateful for you. have a wonderful morning/day/evening/night! MWAH <3333

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Written in 2023 Masterlist

A Wingspan Unbelievable (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: Phil isn't bitter. Phil is a kingmaker.

A Youtuber AU.

cat bells 2: the philling (ao3) - N_Chu4Ever

Summary: Just after rewatching the first three PINOFs, a mysterious package arrives on Dan and Phil's doorstep. Inside is a new cat costume... and Phil has a slightly terrible idea.

Charmed (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan doesn’t understand Valentine’s Day. That is until he’s given an anonymous card with someone’s phone number in it. It takes months of talking with this anonymous person to learn who they are, and it ends up being the person that Dan least expects.

Chips (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Dan struggling with the concept that all healthy couples should fight.

cleveland (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: "We're never going to Cleveland again."

Communication Is Key (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: In which au Dan and Phil are friends with benefits despite the fact that neither of them want to be friends with benefits and Dan just sucks at talking about his feelings

Dan and His Butterflies (ao3) - Raspberrysaxophone

Summary: Very basic: Dan is terribly in love with Phil (the sporty jog). So much so, that Dan joins the school's sports team to be closer to him. As Dan awkwardly stumbles around, Phil starts to take notice of him. A party takes place and who knows what a drunk Dan might do...

Danisnotadom (ao3) - Sinninghowlter

Summary: Dan's not a dom. Everyone swears up and down that he is, insists he is domming his boyfriend and is too good to take it in the ass.

Phil's not a sub. Everyone thinks he is, everyone thinks his baby is in charge. What they don't know is his hardcore boyfriend is actually a princess.

domino’s pizza (ao3) - loverpojke

Summary: dan can’t stop thinking about calling phil ‘daddy’ again, but his anxiety makes it feel impossible to communicate his desires with phil. but phil always knows when something’s up, and dan can’t bear to keep things from him.

DreamCasts Presents (ao3) - SummerFlingsAndThings (QueenJunoTheGreat)

Summary: Phil's son is obsessed with the faceless man who narrates audiobooks.

Dan's daughter is obsessed with the brightly dressed librarian in charge of the children's department.

And Dan and Phil? Well, they're a little obsessed with one another.

endings, endings, beginnings. (ao3) - commonemergency

Summary: A lot can happen in eleven years, he said, finishing his cup of coffee. Dan and Phil had lived a full life. It wasn’t always happy, but nothing can ever truly be happy, but it was finding the happiness and the light in those dark places.

When Dan finished talking, when all the words had come out, Evelyn had looked at him the same way that she looked at him back at that last session, a mix of pride and unbridled joy that Dan had grown up. He had grown up and become the person that his twenty-one year old self had been so scared of, the sixteen year old self he would have been proud of, and the twenty-five year old he almost gave up on if it hadn’t been for those around him to remind him that he was loved.

First to Listen (To Anything I Said) (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: It's 2004, and Dan Howell is screwing up in school. He can't help that he's stuck in boring classes with boring people and just doesn't care. So when Phil Lester, one of the geekiest kids in school, is assigned to be his tutor, he's expecting this to just be another crappy part of his already crappy life.

But when it turns out Phil might be Dan's first real friend, his hormones threaten to screw all that up. Because that's all it is, right? Hormones?

Golden Boy (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Phil takes a drawing class in university and needs a subject for his drawing final.

I Don't Love You (ao3) - Raspberrysaxophone

Summary: Dan and Phil hate each other, but soon Dan realises that he is developing a crush on him. What will a New York business trip (where they are sharing a room xxx) do to their relationship?

I’ll be the light that you can’t make (ao3) - MANIAvinyl

Summary: There was suddenly a tightness in Phil’s chest, put there by guilt and fear, and he couldn’t find the words to respond. The gravity of Dan’s depression was creeping up on him, like a realization he didn’t want to admit.

Or; Dan is depressed and Phil cant help but feel that the sickness in his best friend is a mystery to them both. Hurt/comfort and angst

knight of wands (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Some days are just boring.

(And some aren't.)

look how far we've come now baby (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: It was days later, in a hotel bed with a view of the Portugal sky, that Phil had murmured into the darkness, “But yeah. Maybe grown-up queer prom would be nice.”

Making the cut (ao3) - philsbignaturals

Summary: In which Dan is a single-dad lawyer and Phil is his barber.

morning coffee (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan brings Phil a coffee every morning.

Naughty! Do Not Eat (ao3) - talentisntgenius

Summary: Why Dan Had To Call an Ambulance but it's parent!DnP

Neighbourly Nook (ao3) - wednesday_ukiru

Summary: The stranger had a dimple on his cheek that appeared when he laughed.

“I’m Dan,” he said, extending his hand. Phil reached for it with extreme eagerness, their knuckles knocking together in a particularly painful way, and they both winced, but Dan immediately broke into a smile. “I don’t know why I offered you a handshake, I never know how to do them.”

Oswald (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Dan is an asshole, Phil goes through a tragic accident, and this somehow brings them together.

Also Phil owns a pancake restaurant.

(TW) Perfect (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil is going to make TATINOF perfect-whatever it takes to get there.

rainy days at the library (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Even on rainy days Dan winds up at the library, but it's not so bad when his company is the cute librarian.

Redemption Arc (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: classic, slightly dramatic rags to riches au

Returning home (ao3) - philsbignaturals

Summary: In which Dan returns to find a clingy Phil

Based on the selfie Dan took after returning from the European tour

Right Where You're Meant to Be (ao3) - fisshhhh

Summary: Dan just got back from being on tour for 2 and a half months.

Say The Word, Back To You (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: During their third Japan trip, Dan and Phil reflect on a notebook of things to complete together, written in 2009.

Serendipity (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Dan and Phil are a generic, cute suburban couple when a brief apocalypse decides to happen

SUBSCRIBE FOR COMFORT CONTENT (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Phil casually created an idea how to bring back the gaming channel, Dan stayed up too late writing a skit and now they've got to go pick up Dil's head.

To rise again, you must first acknowledge that you died.

Sunshine on the street at the parade (ao3) - ForeverJustAnEmoKidAtHeart

Summary: Dan and Phil meet at a Pride Parade.

Teacher's Pet (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: Izzy's mum left when she was 11 years old, which she's fine with-really. Her and her dad are better off just the two of them, anyways...until Mr. H comes along and things start getting turned upside down.

The Boy From Manchester (ao3) - Koolhotsweetloveberries

Summary: Dan Howell wishes with all his heart that he was someone else. If he had to choose, he'd be a cool guy living in Manchester, like all his favorite YouTubers. They say 'be careful what you wish for'.

An AU inspired by Makoto Shinkai's 'Your Name'.

The Philver Scream (ao3) - UnorthodoxSavvy

Summary: While Dan's career in the FBI is taking off, Phil is left behind to pick up the pieces of his life after his brother's death. However, he finds himself plagued by strange nightmares that he can't explain. Soon, people around him start dying. Can Dan and Phil's partnership survive the mounting body count?

to let the light in (ao3) - cityofphanchester

Summary: Searching for a fresh start after a decade of dead ends in London, Dan becomes obsessed with a storytelling show on Rossendale Radio and a voice that hasn't been broadcast in years.

True Colors (ao3) - kattdan

Summary: There's some tension during lockdown. Dan's having moodswings.

Two Man Team (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

We balance each other out on the seesaw of life (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Phil had dragged Dan to Isle of Man after his return home from tour. The sea air would do him good (even if it gave him hobbit hair) and he could be surrounded by Phil's family (who were his family too). He hadn’t actively planned to drag him onto a seesaw on a playground but it turned out to be a precious moment all the same.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 18/01/2024

MAGFest 2019: SiIvaGunner Presents - High Quality Ripping

Season 3 Featured on: MAGFest 2019

Presented by Nape Mango, Omknee, ShonicTH, Chaze the Chat, Harmony Friends, Trofflesby, Craz Xexe, Agent

Yeah, okay, this is cheating in a lot of ways - this is not on the SiIvaGunner channel, and its obviously not even a rip. But I felt it necessary to commemorate, as I mentioned briefly in Because I Love You, its finally time for MAGFest once again, and the SiIvaGunner team is to host their own panel there tomorrow! And in the spirit of that, I want to just...talk about SiIvaGunner and MAGFest, at least for a little bit. Because the first two panels in particular, the ones that marked the beginning and end of Season 3, are some of my all-time favorite videos associated with the SiIvaGunner channel.

A big part of the identity and gimmick of the channel itself, as you're likely well aware, is the bait-and-switch - to present it as a faceless entity simply uploading video game music, only to instead feature jokes, shitposts, edits, and so forth. Part of maintaining that kayfabe, then, is to intentionally obscure who makes what behind the scenes, to keep the real people under wraps for those who aren't going to dig deeper, in order to further sell the illusion of being an official VGM upload. The team does of course still give credit when its relevant, as any rip can be featured on an album be given full credits there, but just that degree of separation alone between casual fans and ones willing to download an album has probably led to a few too many people being unaware of who made their favorite rips. Back then, I typically fell somewhere in the middle - I wasn't actively using music listening software and thus missed out on listening to albums for a long time, but was still aware of some of the big names you'd see in comments sections, saw some shoutouts from Twitter, the works.

Yet with the two MAGFest panels of 2018 and 2019 respectively, it felt like the first time that the magnitude of what SiIvaGunner is and how much it means to people was revealed to me for the first time ever. The uploaded recording of the 2018 panel, posted by Chaze's own account, features a shot about seven minutes in that turns the camera to the crowd - and it's an absolutely packed-full room of nerds just like me. And even though I've never been able to go to any of these MAGFest panels due to travel costs and complications...just seeing how many people truly do care about SiivaGunner, in such a tangible way, something more than a number...it resonated with me, yknow?

Beyond that, these panels are just such fascinating pieces of history for the channel, such good time capsules in so many ways - and that's in a lot of ways why I chose to highlight the 2019 panel in particular. Rather than discussing the upbringings of the channel, it features members of the team reminiscing and going through Season 3's timeline of events in particular, going into surprising detail into the thought process and direction the various pieces of the year took - while also giving insights into the production of the Christmas Comeback Crisis, King for a Day Tournament, and more. I feel like with the turn from Season 3 to Season 4 Episode 1, you can really notice that the idea of "hype" for SiIvaGunner content becoming so much more prominent, so much more deliberately handled by the team, which is made all the more evident by the King for Another Day Tournament reveal live on stage.

Man, look, it's an hour-long panel, and there's so many small things that I still remember from it, despite last having seen it five years ago. The members talking about their favorite rips, giving a round of applause to all the rippers who couldn't come join them at the panel or on-stage, the very funny last-minute rips made to "celebrate" the channel being terminated a day earlier (one of which I've embedded as the Bandcamp link), and even some slight discussions on what SiIvaGunner as a channel means to the team, what it represents, and what their goals have been overtime. And, of course, the fucking incredible PowerPoint hijinx with Inspector Gadget, which I am 100% going to take as confirmed canon that Gadget's level of sentience and awareness of the real world is just the same as Woodman's and The Voice.

I have, of course, been told a number of times that I overanalyze SiIvaGunner, that I'm uncovering depth that's clearly not intentional, looking too much into a silly meme channel. And sure, I'd admit that I do overthink things to a degree, anyone who read Vote Responsibly!! should be able to tell you as much. Yet its stuff like these in-depth behind-the-scenes looks, these moments of getting a face and a voice to attach to the works, that really just felt super validating to me even back then - that the intentions and goals of the channel that I myself had picked up on were in fact some sort of direction that the team itself were steering toward. And though Nape Mango does indeed declare in this very panel that "Everything is a coincidence with SiIvaGunner", I'm forever in awe at just how good the team has been at lining those coincidences up into something genuinely incredible.

We SilvaGunner, We Rip.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!!!

Recently i wrote a poem and decided I loved it and send you an ask with it 2 days ago but i think it got lost or smth.

Little backstory here so I live in a family full of artists and very creative people so sharing my work always made me self concious since I always compared my work with theirs. Turns out I also have a problem with openly sharring my work with others which is a bit of a problem considering I need to do share my work for school. Because of that I've decided to share my poem with someone cause I'm really proud of it but I also want someone to tell me their honest opinion/feedback. So here it is I guess??? Also english is not my first language so sorry if there s any mistakes 🦖

Earth breaking beneth my feet

Hands holding my arms

While pushing me down

Sinking into the ground

Divine paintings flashing before my mind

Their meanings going up my mouth

Watching me choke down all the noble words

Blocking their way out

Only to laugh

As the Devil listens to all the broken sounds

Coming from my eyes

Crimson tears staining my cheeks

Honey dripping from my lips

Straight into a vase near my feet

Angles are gathering the golden liquid

Collectiong memories I missed

Reminding me things I did

That are straining my guilt

People I left forgoten

Are sitting faceless

Waiting for my jugement

God is listening to everyone

Except for me

As I bleed out on a light floor in front of him

Staining red everything I could see

While room fillds with blood

That's comimg from my wounded heart

Drowning me

Ending my tortures

While our outstanding preformance goes on

The capitol's laughing

The kids are dying

But why do I care?

About them when I'm away

Maybe these scary meaningfull portraits

Maybe paintings that left me empty

Are happening somewhere on Earth

Someones mother is dying

But all we do is drink honey

Someones child is fighting

But all we do is play a song

Song of Army Dreamers

And say 'scary things happened years back'

While ignoring the fact

That those things are also happening now

Somehow I made a poem about war with my religious trauma, Kate Bush reference and few Crimson Rivers references. Thats cute. When im rereading it now it seems a bit silly and kinda looks like i tried using 'big words' but i still love it.

Also the way you ate up last Caledenstine(HOW TO WRITE THAT????😭) chapter??? Ate and left no crumbs? Yessir. I support Regs rights and wrongs even if his wrongs are treaky(?) sometimes and make me want to hit him with a paper (just jk i would probably hug him and then make him some good soup)

Losts of love for you and your wife and your cat(s) (pretty sure you have a cat or two but maybe im mixing people???? Prolly should go to sleep but this was more important for me?????) Hope your sleep shedule is better then the rests of the fandom tho you are a teacher, an ao3 writer and a trumble user so its probably not the best while school year but still! 💃All the best ❤️

Hi hon!!! Your original ask was actually next on my list lol but I'm responding to this one because you added some things.

Damn, that ending though.

And say 'scary things happened years back' While ignoring the fact That those things are also happening now

This is SO real, and so poignant. You absolutely should share this with others, it's a very powerful poem. I love the imagery you have throughout. Please don't compare your work to others- art is supposed to be unique, you know?

hahah yeah Reg is in his Rep Era rn I feel. I'll not elaborate more.

My sleep schedule is...well it's 12:30am and I am not planning on sleeping for a while, as I need to edit and then post the next chapter. By the time this ask is posted (I'm scheduling it) the next chapter should be out! yay, summer?

Sending you all the love!