#and then his total and brutal honesty is another thing i adore him for it fuck

[copias-juicebox]

"I CAN EXPRESS MYSELF MORE IN DANCE MACABRE OR MUMMY DUST"

mans telling us he is a little dancey princess and a fucking sex god at the same time... 💀

Interview from Sweden Rock Magazine 10/2023

Hi, hi. There is an interview with Tobias in SRM’s newest issue, but it’s in the subscribers only section, so I thought I’d translate/share since I guess not many people will be able to get their hands on it. It is about Prequelle and it’s part of SRM’s „200 best Swedish hard rock albums of all time” series. Prequelle placed #68. The other albums may have scored higher, but for now we don’t know the whole list. Either way, enjoy. Very insightful. 

„Do you think that "Prequelle" is Ghost's worst album?” Now that’s an unusual opening question. Especially when the interview is about an album that Sweden Rock Magazine's writers and qualified Swedish hard rock musicians (including Tobias Forge) have voted as one of the 200 best Swedish hard rock albums of all time. The question wasn’t planned, but comes spontaneously, as a reaction to the first thing Tobias Forge says when we sit down on opposite sofas in the record company office. I'm here for a two-part interview, partly about the EP "Phantomime" (published in #6 2023), partly about "Prequelle". Neither record companies, artists, voters, nor even our writers who conduct interviews for this series of articles have any idea what placement an album has received. Interviews are often done well in advance and we simply don't want placements to leak and become public long before publication.

No Ghost album has ever been on the list before. The idea is actually to end the day with the "Prequelle" talk, but when Tobias Forge suddenly starts with a funny little comment that this album is probably the one that those who have voted think is Ghost's worst or least popular album, I just have to take the opportunity to ask the question: Do you think that "Prequelle" is Ghost's worst album?

No, absolutely not, he says and laughs. If I'm going to be completely pragmatic, I'd say: "How many songs do we actually play from that record?" There are songs that work damn well live and sit where they should. So it's a pretty strong album.

But is this what you are basing it on? "Prequelle" was released after Ghost had become really big so it can't be compared to "Opus Eponymous" and "Infestissumam" which you don't play many songs from. I mean, no matter what kind of record you had released when "Prequelle" came out, you would still have played many songs from it and they would have worked precisely because Ghost's songs nowadays are moulded more to the arena format.

I don't know how to answer that, it's difficult. If the album had been different, it would have been. If I'm going to talk somehow both artistically and practically, I know that for every record we have become exponentially bigger. "Prequelle" was definitely no exception, but it also took us a big step forward and upwards and we became bigger and broader. To the extent that when we introduce old songs in the live set, you notice that there are elements on albums one and two that make some songs more difficult to play. Not technically, we can play the songs, but they don't work in quite the same way as the later songs, which means that there is a slight favouritism.

I asked the original question about whether you think it's Ghost's worst album only because you directly said that this means it's the least popular one.

I'm just so full of myself I assumed all the other albums are also in the top 200, which may actually be incorrect. This might be the best album and the others aren't even there, haha.

It wasn't long after "Prequelle" was released that you were self-critical of the album in interviews, saying that it was too ballad-heavy and a bit too soft. I haven't noticed that before, you being so self-critical shortly after the release.

Yes, but I still feel that way. If, as an artist, I am only going to look at the work with the criticism that one can feel towards one's own work, I think that if things had been different or if I had more time, I might have wished that I had managed to get maybe two more hard songs. Maybe one more hard song would have fit on the album and another harder song might have phased out one of the ballads. Now five years after the album came out, I know that the two ballads ("Pro Memoria" and "Life Eternal"), which I may not think are bad, are one too many. But I know that many of the people who like the band like both of them, so it's kind of a useless argument.

Who sets the length of an album? Have you set a limit, that it can't be longer than this and have no more songs than that?

No, but it must fit on an LP disc and there is a physical limit. I think the absolute pain threshold is 46 minutes and that's 23 minutes on each side. Now maybe Mikkey Dee (co-owner of Spinroad Vinyl Factory) will raise his hand here: "But I can make it longer!" And it's maybe 48 minutes, I don't know, but I do know that when a disc starts getting so full that you start getting close to the sticker, it starts to sound bad. Especially nowadays, because recordings today are so very maximalist in scope. It's one thing if you record 60s music with drums, a guitar and bass where the sound is cleaner and finer or if you play acoustic stuff with just vocals. Bob Dylan records could have eight songs on each side and it worked all the way through. But this kind of fairly compact music doesn't work well. Not only am I a militant vinyl advocate, I think we should respect the fact that most artists don't manage to create more than 45 minutes of good music on a regular basis. A lot of famous double records are not that good. I don't think the Rolling Stones "Exile On Main St" is very good. It might as well have been on one disc. And if I'm actually going to turn it into something completely mundane, I'd say that I think it's irresponsible to sit and make records with twelve songs if it results in the record being 63 minutes long and you automatically have to make a double record. It's pretty wasteful.

When you said that it's irresponsible, I thought you were going to say that it's irresponsible to print a double vinyl because of the environmental destruction that it entails.

Of course, if we're going to be completely straightforward and not do anything that harms nature, we shouldn't even release any records, so I say this with reservation. But with that in mind and for the sake of art, I think more people should embrace the actual given format that has been the most prevalent in rock history. There is a reason why a film is usually one hour and 30 minutes. You can’t take any more. There's a certain dramaturgical structure and there’s a certain comfort in it. Then the CDs came along they screwed that up, and suddenly there weren't two sides anymore but it started one way and ended another. Now that the CD is no longer important and we've gone back to vinyl, creators should follow suit and start embracing the physical rules.

Are there songs that have been rounded off just because you thought „I have to round off here, because if I continue, it won't fit on the vinyl disc"?

We actually had that problem on the last album. „Watcher In The Sky” ended the A-side and the outro is much longer on the CD and digitally. Two minutes longer I think. Much, much, much longer. It's long, noisy and has all these dives. It's a very chaotic soundscape. You get the feeling that it goes on and on, and on the vinyl it's just the beginning of an outro and then it drops almost immediately. I think that was a huge mistake.

So the overall sound quality was more important than vinyl buyers getting everything? Because you could have pressed the vinyl and it would have fit, but you would have had to compromise the sound quality.

Yes, exactly. You can get the song to just keep going until the vinyl simply runs out. Then it just starts spinning in the middle, depending on what kind of record player you have. But the problem then, if you want to anticipate events at a creative stage, is that people today buy and listen to vinyl records and are sensitive. It's quite common for people to complain that the record is broken. I don't just mean our records, but people complain a lot about the presses. If you make ten songs, it's therefore stupid to have a too thick soundscape towards the end of song number five and song number ten. If you want to be really good and old school, that's where you put a piano ballad because it's an easier sound to handle so far into the record. This is what I think about when I make records. But clearly sometimes I miscalculate.

This must cut right through the record collector Tobias Forge's whole body and soul, that "Watcher In The Sky” is shortened by two minutes on the vinyl of all versions.

Well... I don't toss and turn and wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it anymore. But when it happened, I was livid. Luckily it was just an outro. It would have been worse if it had continued with some kind of narrative into the next song. Now I can't remember in my head how long "Prequelle" is, but if I'd had to go back in time and just re-construct it, the re-construction wouldn't have had much to do with the existing material, I would have just wanted to add a scene. And it's not a scene that's missing, it's just for the sake of balance. It became asymmetrical in a way that bothers me a bit.

You've talked about this before, but it was before "Prequelle" that you really started to talk a lot about how you were thinking about what kind of new songs might suit the live show. Can you get stuck in that mindset, thinking more about what songs are needed live right now rather than creating an album that will last 30 years?

Hmm... (long pause)... The reason I'm sitting here thinking is because I'm trying to come up with examples of other bands that I think might have gone through something similar. I’m looking for examples to the answer I'm about to formulate and that is that: yes, I think there comes a point in the career when most bands make a record because they simply feel they need to… Because what we're talking about is that when you go from playing in small smoky clubs in front of an already inveterate audience that already understands the perhaps a little more chewy expression, that experience can change if you start playing in front of a larger and especially a different type of audience. When a different type of audience comes and you play in a different format, you discover that this song doesn't work very well, it doesn't sound very good and it's difficult to get the sound right. Then there's usually a record or two or three during your career when this transition happens where you start filling in with songs that work better live. Look at Piece of mind", "Powerslave" and "Somewhere in time". There's a reason why Iron Maiden didn't play a lot of the first two albums there and then, because it was easier to play the new songs. You get to that point somewhere in your career and it's very difficult to say when it is - there's no given rule and there are artists who continue to release relevant records and have an amazing ability to release new records and just play the whole new record. Well, now Iron Maiden does that and tests their audience a little bit in that way, but then they will always compensate by doing like a "best of" set the following year so everything is forgiven. Now we're in the middle of the "Impera" period here and have a very strong set, but I'm starting to feel that now that I'm about to start writing a new album, it feels like it's not really on my agenda to write three more albums that will change the live setlist ten years ahead. I think we already have the blueprint for what is Ghost's setlist, especially if you include the entire catalogue. After a while, each new record you make becomes a little less important. It's really hard to know when that point comes, but the truth is that new records don't matter in the same way. Slayer didn't have to release "Divine Intervention”. They definitely didn't have to release "Diabolus In Musica". I didn't care about it and I just wanted to hear the old stuff. If they had just come up and played "Reign In Blood" I would have been soooo happy. And that's the way it is with most bands. Nobody would be sad if the Rolling Stones came up and didn't play anything from "Emotional Rescue". And that's just the way it is. In the future, I can see a scenario where there is probably a basis to possibly build up an alternative setlist. There are so many songs that we do not play and that I have nothing against - I love them too! But it would almost be easier to build up a completely alternative setlist and run a show with only the odd songs. There are so many songs now. There's no reason not to build on that. But when I want to make a new record, it's irresponsible for me not to consider that there might have to be some songs that are a bit more direct. But it doesn't hurt me if we have more songs that we don't play live. I don't know if this answers your question...

I would actually like to ask exactly the same question again, because I wonder if you yourself feel that you get stuck during the making of the record. You said that you would have liked to include another hard song because "Prequelle" doesn't have the balance that you would have liked to have in retrospect.

Exactly, but the explanation for that has more to do with my mental capacity there and then. I simply couldn't cope. I felt that I had probably maxed out… It was probably about as much as I could do that year. That's the simple explanation. To get another song that would have fit and that would have fulfilled this requirement that I now in retrospect would have wished I had, it would have required something that I did not have there and then. The only thing that could have made it easier is if I had more time. It is difficult to reason about it, you see.

I was in the studio for a few days during the recording and it's one of the few times in all these years that I've done interviews where someone has started crying during an interview. It was quite obvious that everything that had happened with the split of the band affected you.

Yes. Of course. It did.

Is "Prequelle" a difficult album to listen to for you? Can you sit and listen to it all the way through? 

Well, at the moment I have to do that from time to time, and listen to all the records, because we're just about to start rehearsing again and then I sometimes have to go back and just listen to the record to go: "Fuck, is that really how I sing?" Especially when we start rehearsing, I can be a bit like: "Damn, who changed this bit?” Then I usually sit down and it hits me: "Oh, it's me who has changed my song!" You simply do that over the years, you start singing it in a slightly different way. So sometimes I have to go back and listen, but it’s more practical. I don't think it's fun to listen them. I do it until they are finished. I listen over and over and over again and really try to listen with all the imaginary ears and all the imaginary perspectives you can have. "How would I have listened to this if I had heard it from this perspective?" Just to get as "objective" a perspective as I can until I'm satisfied, but then it's like „No, I don't want to hear this anymore". But I have to say that I think "Prequelle" is a very tolerable disc despite everything that interfered with the process. Therapeutically, it works quite well considering that we are still playing at least half of the album. For every artist there are songs that you want to play, and there are songs that you don’t want to play because they feel too personal. I don't feel that way about this one, it's more like: "Ah hell, they're part of the setlist and people like it and it sounds good. So that's what we're doing."

On a personal level, was Tom Dalgety the perfect producer for you, the way you were feeling at the time? Tom feels like the kindest, sweetest producer you can meet. He wasn't the kind of producer who pushed you very much, it was more of a nice atmosphere between you.

Yes, really, and it would have been different if Klas Åhlund, who is more confrontational, had been in the room. Now Klas and I are great mates, so it would certainly have been very therapeutic also, but it would have been a different process. If an artist comes in who is in such bad shape that they can't make a record, or a band where the main songwriter has just left them, then a Bob Ezrin goes in and says: "If you don't make the record, I'll make the record myself.” And he goes and makes Kiss "Destroyer" or Alice Cooper records. I'm not saying they didn't make them, just that you hear that Bob Ezrin made "Beth". It's a type of producer that's very different from a lot of other producers who maybe act a little bit more like buddies and cheerleaders and make the atmosphere good. Bob Ezrin doesn't care so much about the atmosphere in the room. Klas is somewhere in between, I would say. Given the condition I was in during "Prequelle", the result could probably have been different if Klas had come in. Ironically, there was actually talk of him doing it, but he didn't have the time and we'll never know how it would have turned out. I only know that it would have been different, but right there and then Tom was fantastic. I know that a lot of bands like to work with him because he is technically brilliant. He's really good at those typical sounds that people like: cool drums, guitar, bass, tone and clarity. He is also very "happy go lucky", a nice guy who sits and jokes all the time. Even if he has a bad day, it doesn't affect anyone else, which is convenient.

Let me compare it to when a writer contacts me after an interview and says "that was such a nice interview". For me, "nice" is not something positive in such a work situation and the result is often better when there is a little friction.

Mmm, and that is more Klas. There is more friction and more confrontation. And I was much better equipped for that at "Meliora" and later at "Impera". I felt better and was simply stronger. There wasn't the same survival instinct as on "Prequelle". If I think back, not about how the album turned out and how I have to live with it, but if I think back to the situation I was in, I was very anxious all the time. Even though I'm happy with the result, I wouldn't want to go through the recording again, even though Tom was great. Because it's hard to work when you're under attack. I realised that now when I made "Impera", when it was no longer like that. You are much more comfortable, it doesn't feel the same, you are more mature, you make better decisions, you are more controlled or dare to be uncontrolled. When things are this serious, you can end up in a freeze mode. Maybe that's also why there wasn't another song. The song that I miss doesn't exist because I simply squeezed out everything I had. If I had been in a different emotional state, I might have been more comfortable working out something at the last second from bits and pieces. But I felt that I really just wanted to get it done, deliver it, get back out on tour and start over again.

When you described being more mature during "Impera" you sounded like a 70-year-old, kind of like all the Aerosmith-like bands that have been fighting all their lives and now that they're in their 70s they say "we're soooo mature,” haha.

I think with all artists, especially when they're required to work in a group, there are many recordings that have been a collision with a wall because you're expected to function in a context all the time, whatever and whenever. But you do change and from one year to a few years down the line there can be a huge difference in a person's drive, hunger and priorities in life. Whether you have the same band structure as I do or whether you play in Metallica, people come in one state and they may end up in another, because you have different priorities at different times. It's unfortunately against the whole rock myth. I think that's the biggest problem for bands and businesses, that you always have this idea that if you just get to a certain stage - not just monetarily or career-wise, but you get to a certain stage of fun - then we've reached the status quo. But that is never the case! Never! There’s always something. Even in the best moments when everything is working, the band is awesome, everyone is working well, the crew is awesome, everyone is laughing, it's just a party all the time mentally, you have the world's best tour manager, everything is flowing and the tickets are selling, there will always be someone who doesn't like it and then has to break away and want to do their thing because it's no longer fun. It's usually somewhere in the lead-up to a stage where it's interesting and then once you've achieved it, it all becomes a bit boring. Just like in a relationship some people may eventually think, "well, that's a bit boring, I have to go out and do something else".

Since I was in the studio when you were laying down guitars on "Witch Image", my heart beats a little extra for that song and I thought it would be a great live song, but you've barely played it (at the time of writing it's Ghost's forty-fourth most played song live).

We did it during the "Prequelle" tour, or "A Pale Tour Named Death" as it was called. Then we did quite a few "an evening with" concerts, for better or worse. The advantage was that if you were a big fan of the band we actually played a lot of songs and actually a lot of the first albums, like "Idolatrine" - or "Witch Image". We did a set, a break and then a whole other set. That was a bit of a taste of what I was talking about earlier: doing a slightly larger set and then a slightly smaller one. You just shouldn't do it on the same night because it gets a bit stale. We played for two hours and 30 minutes or something and that wasn’t a good idea, haha. At least we did "Witch Image", but it has fallen behind a bit and it doesn't mean that we will never play it again, just that we don't do it right now. What I've been happy about is that there has been a feeling for the records that we've made recently, "Prequelle" and "Impera", that people still want to hear the new stuff. We haven't gotten to that stage that I talked about earlier when it doesn't matter anymore. Then it's very fun to try to find a new way to perform the songs, not technically, but suddenly a song like "Witch Image" might fulfill a very nice purpose between a completely new song and another song.

Let me speculate: in 30 years, I think "Rats" will be considered the great hard rock song, "Dance Macabre" the great hit and "Life Eternal" the great ballad. What do you think? Will this in the future be seen as the three big songs of the album?

Yes, that makes sense, I think. I understand that an instrumental song automatically ends up in the wake of a "best of" collection, in the sense that you do one in 30 years. I realise it's not a hit but the instrumental "Miasma" is a big part of our live show. It's strong and feels like such a keeper. Now we don't play "Life Eternal" very often actually, but it was very well received. For some reason people like to get married to it, I don’t know why, hehe. It's nice but it's also a bit like U2’s „I still haven't found what I'm looking for" and you don't use that one at a wedding. But people like it and I guess interpret it differently to me. It’s also a song that I don't think is fun to play live.

And why not?

Because I find it hard to play ballads. Physically, they don't feel the same as rock songs. I miss the "dunka dunka". Now everyone who plays music today knows what I mean - sorry, readers who don't play music - and it's that there's a small problem with having in-ear monitors. This means that you have to reach a certain frequency of beats in order to feel the music, unlike when you played at clubs with only a guitar amp behind you. You felt every single note you made and it just went through your body. Nowadays, I think it's sometimes hard when you play slow songs, because you have to trust that it sounds good, whereas when you play a rock song, you feel that it sounds good.

Does it also apply to "He Is” which is such a huge ballad, not least live?

Well, just the intro and then it gets going quite quickly and suddenly becomes a hard and rather fast-paced song. The classic ballad concept has always been that you play so-called edge beats to make it sound soft, while "He Is” is actually a rather hard-played song considering that it is a ballad. Once the drums come in – boom, boom – it's got AC/DC bite to it. It has a rock feel to it that "Life Eternal" doesn't really have. As I said, I don't think that "Life Eternal" is a lot of fun to perform, but that doesn't mean that it isn't quite good to listen to. It’s just that when I play "Dance Macabre" or "Mummy Dust" I feel that I can express myself physically more in line with what the text says and what it means.

[alwaysshallow]

― blood on my shirt, rose in my hand

SUMMARY: Simon Riley knows you have bad experiences with dating, but he also knows you don't really need no one but him. He's gonna provide you anything. So you can imagine how he could change, when for the first time, you think you've found the one man who's right for you. To your surprise, weird events happen during the time you date Nick. Thankfully, Simon's there to help you. (11,4k)

READ ON AO3

A/N: this is SUCH a long piece, so some of it is here, but the full version is on AO3. i hope you're gonna forgive me for this one </3

"It's not like I'm ugly, right? I thought about it. If I'm ugly, so that's why it doesn't work out." you sip your favorite wine, looking right at your best friend, who has been listening for the past hour your ramblings about dating.

"You're fuckin' stupid, but not ugly, pet."

He's the best friend in the world – you can say this, meaning it with your whole heart. In fact, he's the best friend everyone probably wished to have, at least in your mind. Not only here for you, but loyal, you can tell him basically anything. He wouldn't say a thing, even if someone was nagging, and he was mostly a good adviser; all the qualities you looked for in a best friend, right?

And he was brutally honest, like right now, but you don't mind it. Simon Riley had this thing, and even if sometimes you were almost offended at his bluntness (like this one time, when he told you you're a crying mess and you act… worse than a toddler), you mostly appreciated it. Your other friends couldn't compare to his honesty, this man was not the one to lick your ass.

Or, so you thought.

"Excuse me?" you raise your eyebrow, laughing, while shaking your head. "You should, I don't know, tell me I'm amazing and they don't deserve me. Or so." you joke; it causes him to roll his eyes.

"That's what I told you. Different words, but the same thingy."

"Right."

It sometimes sucks for you that Simon isn't a girl. He has this unbelieveably annoying guy thing, where he just can't be delusional with you, and he can't just mourn over some hot guy. His way of thinking is… on the other level, he totally skips the mourn part, the part that is pathetic; he's just saying things like "move on" and "there's a lot of them anyway". Again, you love it, but you really wish you could cry about guy being so pretty that it hurts, without him rolling his eyes.

Yet, when you're more in mad mood than mourning one, his attiude is just perfect. He's the one to encourage you to scream, he even brought you a few times to rage room when you needed to smash a few things, not to mention the attiude he was setting you in. Powerful, not giving a shit about a "piece of a man that doesn't deserve you".

Simon sighs. "You're worryin' too much. Really that desperate?"

You huff, as you sink more into the plushy couch in your apartment. "I'm not desperate. It's just…" you take a few seconds to think "being love starved."

"Sex starved, you mean."

"Love starved." you send him a look.

"Mhm. You fancy plushies, hugs, and all shite like this?"

"You're so fucking British, it hurts" you laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, I want something like this. Someone to hold me, someone that cares about me and I know it. Sex comes in package, of course, but it's just… ugh, I want a man" you groaned.

You feel as pathetic as ever, when Simon doesn't respond – because how exactly should he? He wasn't vocal about things like this, he usually just nod his head, and there it was, another topic. A miracle it was that he was already listening to your date rambling, not cutting it off because he was uncomfortable or something.

Dreams about your love life… more girly conversation.

Mostly – you know guys who loved talking about it, obviously, and you adore it pretty much, especially when you can know their perspective on some things, but… Riley wasn't really one of them. He had "simple hookups" as he said one day, when you asked him about doing double-dates. It wasn't even an option, he just liked to ocassionally fuck and that's all.

So you stopped trying a few months ago for a double-date. Instead, you focused more on finding a man that would meet your expectations at least in the middle, and that was exhausting, to be honest. Tinder dates were just a disaster after disaster – if it wasn't some catfish, a guy that wanted to marry you and have kids after two weeks of writing, it was most definitely a guy with a desire to bang you quickly.

Romance was dead these days, you noticed. That wouldn't keep you away from trying to find someone, though. Patience was a key in things like these.

"Maybe you will set me up with one your friends? It wouldn't suck. You know them." you think out loud.

"Definitely too much wine f'you." Simon takes your glass, and pours all of the liquid to his mouth, swallowing it like it was some kind of juice, not alcohol. "You don't want a guy from military in your life. Trust me."

There's some sternness to his tone, at which you raise your eyebrow. It was just a funny comment from your side, nothing else – you know by the heart that this man doesn't like the idea of connecting his two worlds. "I know, Simon. Just joking, right?"

You place a hand on his. It's a comedic, yet, heartwarming view, when you see the size difference.

"And, you're pretty cool for a military guy."

He huffs. It seems like pretty cool offends him, but he doesn't say it out loud, so it can be only your imagination working. "You met me before I enlisted. 's different."

"How different?"

"You knew me before military."

He doesn't give you another answer that night, nor the continuation of this one – he brushes you off, like you are some kind of bug that is disturbing him, and brings up another topic, about his deployment. He asks if you can watch his apartment when he's gone, take care of it; it's stupid, Simon knows that you will always agree, but it's the need of asking you anyway.

And, he likes coming home, where he can smell your perfume, where he can see that you made some changes. You tend to do that a lot, mostly buying stuff to his apartment. "It looks worse than room in the hospital" you always say, when he cocks his eyebrow with amusement. He doesn't say that, but he finds it really adorable that you care so much, to make his space… cozier, even if he's not really attached to it. Mostly, it's for your comfort when you come to visit him, and that happens a lot; not like he minds it. Anyone else would be banned from his apartment, but you? Oh God, you wouldn't be, not in the milion years.

You could probably be the worst ever to him; call him names, punch, anything, and he would still be your Simon. It's what he was used to, to being by your side, no matter what time, no matter if you were in the good mood or not; your presence was everything to him.

Not like he'd ever confess that, but it is what you know, silently.

Yet, you are so good to him. Always sending him letters or texting him when he is on deployment. A couple of times, you sent him little things too, if he forgot something, photos included too, but new ones; mostly you captured views, but you were here once or twice. His happiness may not be that visible to outsiders, but his heart is full every time.

"My girl", he'd tell boys when they saw a polaroid of you, swiftly tucking it into his vest because no one was allowed to see it more than three seconds.

Often, Gaz joked if you are actually his girl even if you're not dating, but it sounded so bizzare to Ghost. How would you not be his? Thirteen years of friendship counted as something beyond being only his best friend, no? At least in his mind it was like this. He was used to you dating briefly other guys, but it lasted maybe a few months top. Nothing serious, probably his hookups were more meaningful than your relationships.

So you can easily imagine his confusion, when your mutual friends tell him big news about your new object of interest; someone that he doesn't even know yet, but he's not really his fan on the beggining.

It was just a month of being away.

His eyes are on you now; you are embarrassed, looking anywhere but at him. You don't even speak, you just wave your hand in dismissive manner, trying to change the topic because you don't really want to talk about it. Not in the presence of your best friend, at least.

It works for everyone but Simon, and you know it by the way he looks at you, processing what he just heard. Changing a topic, sudden talkativeness from your side is like buying time in that, time precious to think what to say to your best friend later on.

Because you know for the fact that he'll ask. He always does, and now he has a reason.

You have your reasons why you haven't told him. "It's nothing serious. That's why I didn't tell you." your voice is a little more silent than usual, but he can hear it anyway. You two are taking a walk to your apartment with no one around; and it's awkward one.

Simon seems like he doesn't want to say anything about your poor choice of men. It worries you; he always wanted somehow to make fun of you or make comment. Now, it's just a nod, like he gets it, but you know it's not it. He doesn't get it.

But you don't know what it is.

"C'mon!" you nudge him, and when it doesn't seem to affect him, you stand right in front of him. A little wobbly because of alcohol, your vision isn't so great too, but it makes him stop in his tracks. "Say something."

"Somethin'" he grumbles, and you can't help but roll your eyes. "What? Told me-"

"-I know what I told you!" you cup his face in your hands. Your head is a bit hazy, but the intensions are clear; making him talk and soft. It always works, so you have a lot of hope. "He's a good guy, but I want to meet him a bit closer to be… certain about him, you know? You've heard me whining about boys a bit too much."

"You can tell me everything." he muses, and you can't help but smile at that. Of course – of course you can tell him everything. You never doubted it for a second, and you think of yourself as stupid, doubting that he wouldn't want to hear about it. "Ill be the judge of that, though. Good guy thing."

"I can't be trusted?" you tease, and when he lets out a low chuckle, you grin even more. It's like a reward after him being his grumpy self.

"No." he shakes his head. "You don't know what is good for you. But that's why I'm here."

Under the influence of alcohol, you didn't pay too much of attention to his words; probably you wouldn't pay attention to it even if he'd say this when you are sober. Simon as your protector – it's so natural, you don't even need to think about it as something weird. It's just the way things are for thirteen years, everyone knows this.

Your friends, who were a bit reluctant on the beggining, but two parties later, when he joined the competition of drinking on time and wasn't drunk at all, he won over their hearts.

It was tougher with your parents, when you were in highschool. A little distanced at first, they constantly asked where were his parents (which, you told them, was rude asking, especially to his face), telling you how much of a bad news he could be for you. Suggestion of him ruining your future was the worst, you never thought of him this way; that discussion caused you to give them the silent treatment for a few days.

Apparently after that, suggesting that Simon is around you too much, clinging to your side and giving you "weird glances", they stopped the narrative, admitting that the boy might be damaged, but not broken. You still felt like they're judging their every move, but seeing that he had pretty good life plan, seeing that he thought about military and went here actually? Hell, they completely stopped being suspicious in any means.

Riley just had this thing of charming people, even if they didn't like him in the beggining. He had everything under his finger, trying to keep things under control – it was like that… pretty much since the beggining of his life. You met him when he was an adult, but he always liked to keep things under control; people, things that he cared about. What belonged to him was sacred, untouchable for anyone else.

The possessiveness started in his early childhood with toys, when he absolutely despised everyone who just wanted to touch his things, to lay their dirty, filthy fingers here. In early classes, it was considered just rude.

When he was older though, he started fighting for various things. Knowing he has the advantage, he used his legs, fists, when he had to, and no one was looking, besides the actual victim. He wasn't stupid; he knew how troublesome the public can be, he also knew the power of manipulation a bit too well to get caught so easily. Wasn't the plan, getting caught; it once happened, but because he wanted to; he even broke his own nose, making it like the other guy did it, just to get what he needed. The reputation of kid who was broken in the childhood, so he's just not opening on others was… suitable, for him. No one could suspect anything, especially when the kid just happened to be "attacked" by one of the popular ones, right?

The idea of power was something that Simon truly desired from the beggining; maybe it has something to do with the lack of his parents in his life, being transferred from one foster family to another. Maybe it's just him being a little fucked up – who knows.

What mattered, was the fact he had you. You, so sweet, so considerate to be by his side, to be protected by him, to be the person who "opened" because of her. Little did you know, he opened just because he wanted to be closer to you, not those fuckers you hang out with.

If you knew his past, you would have another reasons in mind, why he showed up to meet your potential new boyfriend. Jealousy, posessiveness, power complex, him being a control freak who can't give you to anyone he personally doesn't trust – if ever, considering you were his precious best friend. He isn't willing to share.

You aren't really aware of him being this crazy. You think of his flaws, and you see someone that has been damaged, someone that you can and will help, if he just asks for it – or if you'll see he needs it. So, naturally, you help, and grin the widest you can, when you see him in the door. He shows completely unexpected. It doesn't take you long to wrap your hands around his neck, tight, as you hug him.

Happy as always because you can see your friend, happy as ever because moments like these means a lot to you. When he's deployed, you can't even see him, so you're taking all in when he's right in front of you.

"Hope 'm not interruptin'." he murmurs into your hair, as his head is practically buried in them; he has to bend down a little to be at your level, but it's something he enjoys. The power.

"Never." you say immediately, not even hesitating in your statement. "Actually, you found a pretty good moment."

"That I did, eh?" his eyebrow arches, as he straightens up.

"As always. Nick's here, you have to meet him."

|READ THE REST ON AO3|

[blues824]

Can I please request trey clover with the female tanjiro.

🍀I love the idea of them being the mom and dad of heartslabyul and them.

🎴Imagen trey his reaction to her inability to lie and how calm she is even though she has been true a lot and always sees the good in life.

🍀Imagen him getting the request to watch over nezuko while she takes care of the first years that mesed up and Carter taking a picture of them together tagging them as mom and dad.

🎴Her cooking while trey makes desserts in the heartslabyul kitchen and being totally adorable that ace starts to be a clown about and gets beheaded by riddle.

🍀Her and trey taking turns to carry nezuko in the box and nezuko loves his headpats a lot so lil nezuko running at him and he giving it.

I’m spoiling myself a bit because I love Trey.

Trey Clover

You are most definitely the mom and dad of Heartslabyul, and everyone loves you. Trey often jokes about this being practice for the future, making you blush a bit. Everyone in the dorm considers Nezuko their sister as well, which made you very happy since they didn’t judge her for being a demon.

The first time he saw you brutal honesty was an interaction you were having with Ace and Riddle. You sucked at lying, and you knew that the former needed to be punished. Thus, you revealed to the latter Ace’s hiding spot. As the first year was being dragged off, you crossed your arms over your chest as you said that he should stop getting in trouble. Trey chucked before placing a kiss on your cheek.

Another thing that you both had in common was you both remained calm even in stressful situations. For example, there was an unbirthday party coming up soon, and you both needed to cook and bake the food so that no one would get sick with just eating desserts.

One time, you asked Trey to look after Nezuko as you tended to your fellow first years, and you got a notification that Cater posted on his Magicam account. He tagged you in an image of your younger sister helping your boyfriend bake some cookies. You commented on the post with hearts before making your way back to the Heartslabyul kitchen.

Almost everyday, you two are seen together whenever you can be. You sit together at lunch, you walk hand-in-hand to either dorm, etc. This man will carry Nezuko in the box for you every single time because he doesn’t want your back to hurt. The only thing is that he was a Third Year and you were a First Year, so you obviously had different classes.

You joined the Mountain Lover Club, which kind of made Trey jealous since that meant you were hanging around and hiking with Jade. However, you found his jealousy quite cute. Every time you see each other once you return from a big hike, he makes it seem like he hasn’t seen you in 17 years.

Your sister absolutely loved Trey and saw him as an older brother/father figure. Whenever he visits Ramshackle, she will run up to him and hug him while he gives her a few headpats. Grim makes a gagging noise whenever he sees you go up and kiss the baker on the lips, but you both roll your eyes.

[twst-drabbles]

I might ask about other dorms later if that's ok with you, but how do you think heartslabyul and octavinelle would seduce someone?

Damn, ain't that a question? Let's see...

Well, Ace is not a smooth bitch, let's be perfectly honest. When it comes to just, flirting and getting a date so he doesn't seem like a loser, yeah Ace can manage but if he's actually into the person? Yeah no, man's a total loser. He's gonna stutter, he's gonna be a brat and say shit like "Oh so you're into me?" all the while he's shaking like a fucking chihuahua and is red in the face. His pride won't let him admit that he's into you, so it's gonna be a funny, if somewhat irritating, time.

Deuce is almost the same, but he's long since shed off most of that pride Ace has in order to be more honest about himself and his feelings. Unlike Ace, his honesty would be his best charm, though Deuce doesn't know that. Flirting attempts are pretty basic though, when he tries to flirt that is. Probably tries to style his hair but ends up with a weird, obviously not natural look.

Cater, well, after coming to terms that he really want to date someone, he actually starts spending more quiet moments with them. Just, sitting in silence and enjoying what he can, cause emotional intimacy is something hard to initiate, especially since his flirting is going to have some of his real heartfelt emotions into it, so that's gonna be a hard thing for him to do unless he fully accepts that he's into someone.

Trey is pretty simple actually. Baking is his language so gifts are abound. Though, he'd probably ask for you to bake with him and might start some classic baking shenanigans, such as frosting on the nose or sprinkling some flour on your shoulder. Basically, the man wants you to prank him. Just, play around and have fun.

Riddle...oh boy...poor little man. He doesn't know what to do! It actually takes him a while for him to notice that he has a crush at all. He's just filled with giddy feeling and confuses it for very deep admiration, so he puts his efforts into getting more knowledge, perfecting his perfect grades and even making study guides so that you both can use. When it hits him, he's gonna be a stuttering mess.

Floyd, it would be hard to pin down if he's flirting or not. His way of flirting almost borders on threatening, but by this point in the friendship, one can tell if he's actually threatening or if he's kidding. "I'm gonna bother ya for the rest of your life!" Kind of thing. Either way, his mood swings make it hard to tell the depths of his feelings as he always expresses them a different way. He has an odd way of guarding his heart, making sure that he's both overexpressive and not just so people don't think too much about the weight of his words and how they mean in his heart.

Jade is another one that guards his heart pretty closely, though he does show his affection as acts of service. Doing you little favors but will ask for you to do something small for him. The indicator that he's feeling something for you is in what favors he's actually asking. Basically, asking you to study with him, or guide him around campus. Puts himself in positions where he seemingly needs help, but he actually doesn't. Just so you can spend time with him.

And Azul. Yeah this fucker is going to try for the whole "Oh look at me and how smooth I am. Look and how well put together I am as I shower you with gifts," but if you so much as accidentally touch his hand, he's short circuiting. The best way to catch him off guard though, is to play into this little act of his, pretend that you're actually being swooned by him only to hit him with some brutal and sincere honestly like, "The way you fiddle with your glasses is adorable, Azul."

Well, he's on the ground. He dead. You killed him.

[wmufranniefabray]

coffee&a cheers → frannie/cody para.

TITLE: Coffee &A Cheers DATE: Thursday 15th February. PEOPLE: Frannie {@wmufranniefabray} and Cody {@wmucody} SUMMARY: Frannie and Cody meet the morning after Valentine's Day to delve a little deeper into their pasts.

OOC: The first part of this para (approximately 4 messages) got rudely deleted by Chatzy, which we have now sworn never to use again out of total distrust. To summarise, both characters arrived at the cafe and greeted one another.

As Cody spoke, Frannie nodded, slowly, taking another look around the cafe - taking in her surroundings. Part of her felt grateful that they were sitting in a darker, more private cafe. Another part felt tentative about being left alone with Cody in a small, darkened corner like this. She had assumed being in a cafe would have meant that their flirting, as much fun as it was, would have been momentarily. But, now? She wasn't so sure. "Everything is right with the world, obviously." She corrected with a grin, "I mean, both of us are here. It's an adorable cafe. We're more than likely to have an amazing time. How much more right can things get, really?" Although her words were laced with a sarcasm, there was a small part of her that felt free. Happy. Intrigued. Perhaps even a little bit excited to see the potential with Cody. "Cheerleading was fun. I think Coach Sue had an awful Valentine's Day, considering how grouchy she was, though. She clearly needs some action in the romance department ASAP." Frannie gave a small chuckle and eye roll, noticing in an instant as Cody's eyes dropped down to her body, causing the flutter of butterflies in her stomach to return, briefly. "How about you? Have I distracted you from some studying again?" She teased, crossing one leg over the other before sitting back in her seat slightly.

Cody laughed in harmony with Frannie. "Coach Sue, what a lady to have in your face at six in the morning, huh? I'm sure we could get her sorted with the right man, or whoever can brave that megaphone". His eyebrows raised up and down, almost in a flash. "I don't think there's a time when you're not distracting me." A mischievous smirk made it's way across his face. Cody couldn't quite put his finger on how he felt in the other's presence. There was some sort of excitement intertwined with apprehension swimming around in his gut. There was a warmth in his soul but also a hint of unease. The waiter approached breaking his train of though. "I'll have another white mocha please, with a pump of hazelnut this time," he said kindly while sliding the menu towards Frannie. "It's my treat. Pick absolutely anything, and everything you want."

Frannie let out a small chuckle, nodding quickly. "She is the worst. The best, obviously, but simultaneously the worst." There was something about being part of the cheerleading squad that filled Frannie with a lot of joy. She absolutely loved it. "Still, it keeps all of us in line. And it keeps our egos in check. Some of us need that kind of brutal honesty." At the sight of Cody's smirk, she rose an eyebrow slowly, almost challenging Cody. His energy was almost infectious. "Oh, really?" She echoed, tilting her head to the side as she looked across at him. "You see, I'm all for academics being your priority. Being smart is an absolute turn on. Especially when you're talking academic to me." A ghost of a grin was finding its way across her lips again, the playful flirting coming almost naturally when she was around Cody. Her gaze rose when she noticed the waiter approaching and her eyes glanced slightly at the menu. "Anything?" She repeated quietly to Cody with a raised eyebrow, trying not to raise too much suspicion from the waiter who was still watching the two of them. "I'll have an iced latte with oat milk, thank you." As soon as the waiter had left, Frannie folded her arms across her chest and stared across at Cody, a small smirk beginning to form. "What's to say your presence here, with me, isn't the treat I'm asking for?"

Cody nodded understandingly. "There I was thinking you were just putting yourself in a cheerleading outfit to turn me on.' He mirrored the tilting of the head while staring at Frannie, full of want. "It's a good thing that I'm just a fountain of knowledge then. I will talk the ears off you and you will be regretting even saying anything," he replied. Nodding the head as a way of thanks to the waiter he drew his attention back to his date. Leaning forward onto the table, he balanced his head onto the curve of his left palm and dropped his other hand to his rest on his knee, slightly brushing against Frannie's leg while doing. "Guess we'll just be each other's treat then".

Frannie gave out a small laugh at Cody's comment, giving a small, playful eye roll. "I'd be wearing a lot less if I was trying to turn you on, don't you think?" She murmured, lowering her voice slightly - painfully aware of every single person that could possibly be sitting near to them. As much as she tried to limit the amount she cared about the perception of others, it was still something she was painstakingly cautious of. Lima was a small place. "So, talk to me." She answered simply, running her tongue along her lower lip. "I know you mentioned how external factors or environments might impact a person's development. Tell me more about what you know. I'm curious." Her eyes watched with interest as Cody leaned forward, almost narrowing the gap between the two of them sitting opposite one another, while her breathing hitched - slightly - when she felt his hand brush against her knee. Almost by instinct, her body shifted in her seat, moving forward towards the table so that their bodies were closer.

Cody hung his head laughing. "Mmm, I would hope so," he countered, his teeth creeping through his slightly wet lips. Cody looked around and quickly dismissed his surroundings so he could be completely captivated by the female sitting so gracefully in front of him. "Nature, nurture debate simply isn't it? Your genetics can make you who you are, but with the influences of secondary socialisation it can catapult a person into someone completely different. I think the family, who are primary socialisation, have the biggest influence on someone's life however," Cody rambled, his hand waving in the air as to summon more thoughts to himself. "Like there's parts of me who I will always be, but they could have been either flattened or inflated in a different family. I also read this interesting study that everyone is born with all the same trauma triggers however it takes the external factors to switch them on, which is," he took a pause, finally letting some air into his lungs. "The depth behind it is something I will always strive to know more of." His hand dropped again, but this time his fingers traced soft swirls around Frannie's thigh. "Do you ever think about if your family has impacted you in ways that they could potentially prevented?" Cody laughed softly. "In the least invasive way possible."

Frannie watched, silently, while she listened to Cody speaking. While her area of interest was linked to the biological physical elements of the body, she had always found herself intrigued by the psychology and cognitive side of research. It was no where near her area of expertise - Cody was definitely the expert in this area - but she listened, captivated, to what he was saying. Call her selfish, but she couldn't help her thoughts wandering slightly about the impact her upbringing had on creating the person who she was today. Every single day spent in her household - every word shared, every argument screamed, every tear that had fallen - surely must have had some kind of impact. "So, you're saying here that human's are born with the same bodies. Everyone has an even playing field when it comes to the brain they've been given, let's say. Yet the minute they step outside of that hospital, the rest of their life and psychological health is determined by every second that passes after that?" She mused, letting the thoughts run over inside of her head, slowly letting it all sink in. Her thoughts felt fuzzy, disorganised and unstructured - memories flashing in and out of her brain like an unregulated cosette player of her childhood. A hand placed on her thigh dragged Frannie - much to her relief - out of her thoughts. It felt oddly comforting to find Cody's hand there - a distraction, absolutely, but one that felt oh, so, good. His question was honest and it was a question she had been expecting - hell, she had even offered to give information. Yet now that they were here, in front of each other, she could feel herself freezing up, ever so slightly. "I..think every family is complex." She offered, realising straight away how vague her answer was. She scrambled in her brain for something - anything - to say. Being vulnerable about these kind of memories was something she had planned for in advance but right here? Right now? She felt scared. "The Fabray family were no exception to complicated, I suppose." Her gaze shifted, away from Cody, to a photo frame hanging on the wall. Choosing to ignore his gaze felt easier, somehow. "Invasive is fine. I think I just need warming up a little with the deep talk." She gave a small smile, a somewhat apology.

Cody squeezed Frannie's leg softly. "Sorry, I got a bit carried away and just dove straight into the deep side there. I'm working on my impulsiveness. We don't need to talk about the deep, deep stuff. We can keep it non relative to us," he reassured. His body retracted ever so slightly. Working on his impulses was a main focus for himself, which is why he has such a rigorous morning routine. It keeps the impulse and intrusive thoughts at bay. His mind flashed back to the question he asked Frannie but directed it to himself this time. His body tensed as he remembered the walls of his house, and the quietness of it. How he could determine what mood his father was in just from the sound of his steps, and he thought about how constantly walking on egg shells has sky rocketed his fight or flight in everyday life. "We don't need to talk about it. I know we said therapy session and all, but we can stick to the surface level stuff. That was rude of me to jump in like that." Cody's face looked regretful, not wanting to give Frannie any reason to back away.

Frannie let out a shaky breath, nodding quickly, noticing in an instant that she wasn't the only one whose body had altered, slightly, since the start of their conversation. Her thoughts had been so absent that she had only just noticed how Cody's body, while on the surface looked relatively normal, looked tense and on edge. It reminded her that she wasn't the only one here with a family - and with families, comes a lot of emotional baggage that is hard to talk about. "You don't need to apologise. It's my fault - I was the one who offered to talk about this." She reassured, her voice a little softer as she leaned forwards in her seat, reaching out and giving Cody's hand that was resting on the table a small, gentle squeeze. The last thing she wanted to do was to make Cody feel guilty. "You're not rude at all. Let me think..." She trailed off, allowing her tongue to run along her lower lip as she thought. "How about we talk about our families in general, first? Surface level kind of information. That might be a safer way to start."

Cody relaxed his body after feeling the small squeeze. His eyes followed the movement of her tongue on her own lips, the feeling of desire came back over him. "That seems like a reasonable way to kick start things." Clearing his throat, he allowed space for the waiter to place the cups on the table top. He pushed Frannie's drink towards her, allowing his fingers to tangle with hers before reverting them back to his own cup. He took a small sip, wincing slightly at the scolding temperature. "Fucking, nearly burnt the tongue right off me," Cody spluttered, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Frannie let go of Cody's hand when she noticed the waiter arriving, pulling back slightly from where she was sitting to make room for the drinks to be placed down. Instantly her body craved to reach out towards Cody again, but she held back, watching to see if Cody showed any signs of still feeling on edge. The feeling of their fingers intertwining within the cups made her smile towards Cody, though, a quiet chuckle coming out. It looked like the atmosphere was starting to feel more comfortable again, which helped her to feel more at ease again. Her face burst into giggles when she watched Cody's reaction to sipping the drink. "Who knew a hot drink could be so hot?" She teased, wrapping her two hands around the mug to feel the warmth. "So...Tell me about your family. What are they like?"

Cody rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah." Swallowing the remaining brew in his mouth, Cody sat the cup back down on the table. Resuming his previous position of his head on his hand, his other arm falling down again inviting Frannie back into a warmer engagement. "My family," he whispered, sucking his teeth. "Where to begin? First of all. My dad is what you would deem as your standard American high money businessman who works 24/7 and my mother is a neurosurgeon. So, first of all there's some serious points deduced for parenting skills due to having such high demanding jobs. I was mostly raised off my grandmother." Cody began to worm his hand into his back pocket to pull out his beaten wallet. Opening it up, he showed Frannie a polaroid photo of himself and his gran. "She's my guy, man. She's the best." He stared at the photo for a few more seconds, a sudden sadness hitting his gut as he reminded himself what he had to leave behind for his own wellbeing. "She's gucci, best way I can describe her." Sliding his wallet back into his pocket he reverted into his original position. "They weren't horrible to me. They just didn't have the emotional skills to be parents. And when Louie was born, I thought, Yes, now is the time for you to be parents. And still nada. I wish I knew their brain types maybe it would make more rational sense." Cody suddenly realised how much he was rambling. "Your turn, pretty girl," he whispered, nudging Frannie ever so slightly.

Frannie listened carefully, watching Cody silently as he spoke. She had questions - so many questions - yet she was also painfully aware of how tentative this subject was. Likely, for both of them. The last thing she wanted to was push too much. It was nice to hear Cody speak so positively about his grandmother, and she shuffled forward in her seat to take a look at the polaroid picture. A small smile graced her lips as her eyes traced the image, feeling the warmth radiating from Cody as he spoke about his grandmother. "Sometimes they don't have to be awful to you. A lot of the time, it's the things that they neglect to do or neglect to say that impact us the most." She spoke quietly, giving a small shrug. "How old is Louie now?" A sudden overwhelming urge to reach out again - whether that was to hug or comfort Cody in some way - washed over her. Instead, she took another sip of her drink, trying to imagine what it must have been like with parents that were never there. If anything, she may have preferred that. This time, she felt more comfortable speaking about her family. "So, it's always been Quinn and I. We've been inseparable, really, ever since we were small." She let her eyes drift across the cafe, before landing back to Cody again. "You could say my parents are well known in our part of town. My Father, especially, is quite a well-known name. Everyone loves Papa. He's funny, you know? He works within a law firm just outside of our town. My Momma has always been at home, taking care of us or taking care of Father." Pausing to take a small breath, Frannie reached into her pocket for her mobile. Her lockscreen showed a picture of her family, standing just outside of their local church several years ago. She showed the photo on her lockscreen to Cody. "They were always busy, but I wouldn't necessarily say they were absent. They were strict and had high expectations for us. Especially me, as the eldest, but really both Quinn and I were held to a high standard." The unspoken words were about Quinn being kicked out, but that wasn't Frannie's secret to tell. "They had their fault's, I guess. A lot of them. It doesn't mean I wouldn't do anything for them. Especially Quinn."

Cody couldn't quite put his finger on how he was feeling. The vulnerability that he was displaying in front of Frannie was saved for pep talks in his mirror. It felt so natural though, he didn't have to think about it. He also didn't have an overwhelming gut feeling of danger like he's so used to. Cody hadn't so much as whispered about the nature of his family, not even in his own class work to better his understanding of psychological development. He was his own walking case study. "Louise is coming on 8 in the next couple months," he answered, a full smile creeping on his face at the thought of his younger brother. He began to wonder what Louie was up to at that moment in time, was he okay? Cody took a mental note to facetime him later in the day. Listening to Frannie, he took everything in. Trying to separate his psychologist head to someone who genuinely just wanted to know more about the person sitting in front of him. Cody budged towards Frannie, taking in her photo. It was exactly how he pictured the Fabray family to look. "They must be proud of you both then, yeah? I mean I don't know Quinn; however, you're thriving and studying, and your energy is something that would make any parent proud". His eyes wandered between her left eye, then her lips, then her right eye. Taking in everything.

Frannie had never expected to be opening up about her family like this. It was almost...freeing, in a way? "Eight is such a fun age." She replied with a grin, "Do you miss him while you're at college?" She liked being able to see Cody like this. It made him more real to her. Although she would never outwardly admit it, flirting was easy. It had become like a second nature to her now. If in doubt, it was easy to flirt and escape anything genuinely real. This, though? This was new territory. The word proud made Frannie let out a small, low chuckle. It was never a word she had considered when thinking about what her parents thought of her. "I'm going to have to get it in writing, first, that you promise you'll never tell anyone anything I tell you about my family. They're...quite concerned about public perception. More than quite. A lot. It's a massive deal to them how people perceive our family." Her words tried to keep light, but there was a slight glitch in the way that she spoke now. A small tension in her tone. "So...if you lived with your grandmother, what made you want to go to Thailand?" Her question was light, but her tone shifted, now more gentle and tentative. "Not that I blame you. I'm still a little jealous that you went there." She added with a small smile, trying to lighten the tone again.

Cody nodded slowly. "Fuck, yeah. I miss him like mad. I just hope he's doing okay. He didn't deal with it the best when I left." He took another small gulp of coffee. Listening to Frannie, he ripped a small piece of paper from his notebook laid next to his laptop. "Here," he slid the paper towards Frannie. In small, neat handwriting it said 'This is my written promise to you that your words with me are always safe and locked within the walls of my body" with his signature printed at the bottom followed by a love heart. "You keep that safe." Cody wanted Frannie to know she was safe with him and nothing would go any further, he wouldn't dare. He knew how hard it was to show that vulnerability and it was nothing he would ever take advantage of. He placed the piece of paper into her hands and clasped them shut with his own. "Safe space, always." Naturally someone would remove their hands immediately after but he lingered on to Frannie's touch for as long as he could. "She lived in the house with us, so it was still under my dad's roof, if that makes sense. And I just didn't match up to what they wanted from a son and they made it very well known. They had my whole life planned out. So I simply, for better words, fucked off." He dropped his head and laughed. "Can't make me do something when I'm at the other side of the world."

Frannie couldn't help but wonder, momentarily, whether their conversation was one that Cody had ever spoken about before. In a way, tucked in the darkest corner like this, it made the secrets that they revealed to one another feel more sacred. She already knew that anything spoken of would never leave her lips to anyone else. Not to Quinn, not to her Momma, not to anyone. These weren't her secrets. Her eyes fell to the note being handed to her, lingering on it while an eyebrow rose at the love heart. Either Cody was just as much of a romantic as she was, or he knew exactly how to make a girl feel special. It was working. My God, was it working. "Thank you." It wasn't as though she felt distrustful of Cody - if anything, it was the opposite. There was no reason to distrust him. And his hands against hers? His touch was lingering, teasing; lasting for so much longer than she would expect. She shifted her thumb on top of his hand, deliberately making small patterns on his hand softly, running the touch back and forth. "I hope you know this sentiment is always returned." She spoke quietly, her gaze trying to meet his eyes. "You can talk to me about anything. It will stay between us. I promise." The shift in her tone - from arriving at the cafe with a light hearted, flirty tone - to her tone of voice now, low and serious, was stark. Cody's answer to her question made her shift in her seat, feeling an overwhelming wave of empathy towards him. His honesty and bravery were something she was envious of. Moving away from the situation was something Frannie had never been able to do. "I'm sorry." Her fingers, still laced and intertwined with his, moved so that hers were now clasping Cody's, giving his hand a small squeeze in an act of comfort. "What were their plans for your life?"

Cody appreciated the soft squeeze of comfort. Though his body language and presence was warm, on the inside he was battling a conflict of emotions. He felt safe speaking to Frannie, something that he never experienced with someone else so quick. His lack of opening up and ruined his relationships in the past - platonic or romantic - being vulnerable was not something Cody was fond of doing. In fact he saved those vulnerabilities for his grandmother and his little brother. As a benevolent child with closed off parents growing up was harsh for the boy. He was a high energy soul, even more so than he was now. His attempts to show his parents his drawings, his stories, any act of creativeness was always shut down and replaced with a lecture on how his focus should be towards the more core subjects of education: maths, science, and English, English without the stories. There was a wall around his heart and because of that, he may have many friendships and flings, but Cody has never experienced something real. Experiencing something real means giving your total, raw self. "They wanted me to go into business work. I'm not destined to wear a three piece suit all my life. My legs are just too nice to that," he joked, brushing off his immense thoughts. His body's response urged him to sit back, put more space between himself and Frannie. He fought against it, and forced himself to be open. "You're intriguing, Miss Fabray. I yearn to learn more about you."

Frannie quirked an eyebrow at the mention of Cody wearing a suit, leaning back so she could take another sip from her drink. "You know, I'm on their side in this debate. Only because I would pay to see you talking serious and stern to me about business while wearing a three piece suit." She joked teasingly, a smirk lacing and dancing on her lips, before quickly adding, "I'm kidding, obviously. My parents had similar ideals about the kind of path they expected us to take." Who knew their parents could be so vastly different, yet so evidently similar, all at the same time? The only reason her academic path had found a love in biology was because her parents - well, her Father in particular - had carved the way for it. All other subjects or interests just weren't a serious, legitimate option. In a way, Frannie felt lucky that her interests always lay with learning about the natural world and science had always been her favourite subject. "What would you like to know?" She asked, moving away a few strands of her hair behind her ear, almost internally mentally preparing herself for whatever questions came her way.

Cody softly laughed, his head dropped taking in the compliment. He looked up to Frannie from below his thick lashes. "You can see in me anything you want. Or, in nothing." He hid his smirk with his mug, taking a sip. And then once more as the caffeine started to kick in again. "I want to know everything." He wasn't lying when he said everything. He was truly consumed by the individual and her aura, even if it was against his body's will. "Like, how you even had the chance to squeeze me into your diary. I'm surprised that I'm not fighting people off as they try to shower you in roses and all other sort of love gestures. Surprised no-ones officially took you off the market". Cody wanted to go deeper into understanding Frannie however he had to remind himself that maybe they weren't quite there yet. She wasn't a case study that he had to spend hours analysing. His psychologist hat was off.. for now.

Frannie bit down on her lip, watching him with challenging eyes, his words echoing in her mind. "My parents DO have an annual gathering every few months. It's mainly for family, friends, associates, fellow Church goers...but it is a black tie event. The next gathering is next week." She quipped quickly, trying to ignore the offer to see Cody in nothing and the light blush that was starting to form on her cheeks. "I'm sure I could get you invited. It's quite the fun affair, especially after a long, long glass of wine." She wasn't sure whether inviting Cody to such an event, jokingly or not, was a little too serious, too quickly. Likely, it was, but her family played a major role in her life. It wasn't something she was able to tip-toe around or to pretend they didn't exist. There was something incredibly attractive about a guy just...plainly, simply and openly being interested. Cody hadn't bothered to pretend or play any kind of games to disguise that he wanted to know her. And not just know her physically, which had absolutely been a problem in the past - but know everything. She liked it. "Everything?" She repeated back, slowly, almost unbelieving. "I think that the busiest person in the whole world is able to make time for people if they truly want to. It's all about prioritising. And meeting you had been playing on my mind a lot." The more words that were shared between the two of them, the more confident Frannie felt to answer his questions with more openness. "My turn for a question. Have you ever been in love before?" It was blunt, but the curious part of her mind had won this time round.

Cody felt what could only be described as a small butterfly fluttering it's wings around his stomach. The invitation, though appreciated, had taken him back slightly. Meeting someone's family felt rather intimate in a way that Cody has never been before. His experience only went as far as undressing someone, only to leave them like a gust of wind after the night succumbed to the morning sun. "I'll be there". The words escaped his mouth before he could stop himself and think rationally. If he was to dress up so elegantly, it also meant that Frannie would, too, meet the same dress code. In a nice, tight dress of some sort, he wished. "Everything," Cody repeated with a soft reassurance in his tone. He nodded his head as Frannie answered his question. Cody's thoughts occupied of meeting Frannie from the moment they first interacted. There was something about the blonde hair and puns that drew him in, no matter how hard he tried to fight against it. Taking the question in, he thought for a second. Wanting to avoid coming across as heartless, which he wasn't, he wanted to choose his words wisely. It's not that he was incapable of love. His heart was full of it. But as an impressionable boy watching his parents relationship growing up it impacted him. They weren't horrible to each other, not anymore. The Totelino family went through a brief separation with his father leaving for a short month after what seemed like a lifetime of evening, after-dinner arguments with his mother. Then one day, his father returned as if nothing happened. They don't fight anymore, but overall they just don't speak. It was fine at first but the silence of the relationship ate Cody up. In his older years he's came to conclusion that they have both settled for each other because it was easy, convenient which installed a new type of fear within Cody. He would rather be alone than be with someone just because it was easy to settle, or be with someone which then turns into a relationship of convenience. "I haven't. I guess I've always just been too busy for it," he responded, covering the real reason with a fabricated truth. It was true in some sense. Cody's routine was busy and demanding however there was always a lingering space for someone. "Have you?"

Frannie watched Cody silently, wondering whether her question had thrown him off. Something Quinn had always teased Frannie for was her unrelenting honesty in the most uncomfortable situations, and Frannie wasn't quite sure here whether she had read the situation wrong. If anything, as she waited for a reply, Frannie almost regretted saying anything at all - she felt the unfamiliar feeling of sudden vulnerability creeping in. Letting someone else have the power over you was not something she had ever been encouraged to do. His answer, therefore, surprised her, although she tried not to let that alter her expression at all from neutral. A Fabray party - or 'gathering' - was not one to be missed, after all. They were perhaps one of the biggest perks of being in the Fabray family. "That's amazing! Please don't stress about meeting my parents. I'm aware that's a little intense. My main priority here is seeing you in a suit." She reassured him with a cheeky smile, before adding. "They're usually quite easy to avoid. I've spent the majority of my life perfecting it." The words had flown out of her mouth before she had realised. A part of her still felt overwhelmingly guilty whenever she spoke poorly of her parents in public. Only a small part, but it was a part, nonetheless. She couldn't help but feel a little surprised when Cody explained how he had never been in love before - perhaps, even, a little wary at his answer. Being too busy for love felt...wrong, somehow. Especially for someone as likeable as Cody. Still, Frannie wasn't here to dig into his past or question him if he wasn't comfortable completely. "I have." She confirmed truthfully with a nod. "Once before. I think opening yourself open to someone enough to allow yourself to fall in love is extraordinarily hard, especially trying to find the right person to trust, to do that with. Perhaps this links back to your question regarding why I'm single. Some would say I have high standards, but the truth lies more with a genuine desire to find someone to trust completely. I haven't found that yet."

Cody traced the outline of the mug top with his fingertip. His body felt it's calmest when it was moving in some sort of way. Keeping still felt like suffocating in ways that he could only understand. His fidgeting was an annoyance for others but a sense of control for him. He struggled with impulsiveness in all senses of the word and the slight movement helped with oppressing it. "Are you kidding? I can't wait to meet the Fabrays". Meeting Frannie's parents was the gateway to understanding her more, something that was burning inside of him. He needed to know all of her in ways that not everyone else did. "Anybody can love anybody. Not everyone can trust everyone," Cody agreed with Frannie's statement. Would he ever be able to trust someone fully, he thought. It seemed like such a far-fetched idea. Cody couldn't trust himself so how could he trust someone else? "Well, here's to trust," he declared, holding his mug up in a toast-like manner.

Frannie watched him silently, taking in each movement, each trace, each outline of his fingers. "And you have a suit to wear?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow, a small smirk beginning to form on her lips. Her mind was beginning to consider what Cody would look like with a suit on and her eyes slowly shifted down to his body. Shaking her head slightly, trying to focus on what the two of them were discussing, Frannie quickly added. "They're kind people. I'm sure they'd love to meet you." Although her family were...an interesting group of people, Frannie was absolutely certain that they would like, or maybe even approve, of Cody as her date. While she wasn't entirely sure what kind of questions would be thrown his way, she was certain he could handle it. His confidence was one of the main things she found attractive about him. Well, one of the many things. A small chuckle fell from her lips as she watched him raising his mug as she mirrored his actions, lifting her mug in a cheers-like salute. "To trust." She toasted with a beam, clinking her glass with his before taking another small sip.

Cody held himself back from smiling cockily as he watched Frannie's eyes divert to his body. "I can look one out". His thoughts cut to a visual image of his wardrobe in his room. Not one hanger held the weight of a suit. Jeans, Dickies, hoodies, sure. A suit, however, was not in his outfit rotation. He had to make sure he looked at peak calibre so he took added the task of going to buy an outfit on his mental to do list. He had worked more shifts in Scandals this month which allowed him to hold a little more savings, enough to get him a well-polished suit that would impress Frannie. "I'm excited to spend more time experiencing you," Cody stated, a soft but wide smile plastered on his face. He swirled the last of his coffee around the mug. The reflection of the cafe lights reflected off his watch revealing the time. Shit. A great deal of time had passed since the conversation started and Cody's afternoon class was starting in 17 minutes. He couldn't be late for Content Creation class again or Miss Raduk would have him in an academic choke slam. "I need to head to class now as much as it kills me to pull myself from you. I hope that I see you again real, real soon," Cody said, putting himself in a state of vulnerability as he awaited Frannie's response. To hide the impending feeling of doom within him he slid his laptop into his over-worn Carhartt tote bag and squared himself up, ready to leave for class once Frannie answered.

Frannie was more than pleasantly surprised with how meeting Cody had gone. After their message exchanges, as well as their brief meeting at the carnival, she wasn't entirely sure how their coffee date would have turned out. This, though, she had enjoyed, even if it had been more than a little eye-opening at how much her childhood clearly still impacted her. It had given her a lot to think about. "If you need help suit searching, I have quite a few that you could borrow." She responded flippantly with a small shrug, suddenly aware of her assumption that everyone should automatically own formal clothing - which may not have been the case. Picking up her bag, Frannie stood up and zipped up her jacket, placing the small note Cody had written her beforehand inside her pocket. A small smile formed when Cody admitted that he would want to her see again accompanied with a light flush on her cheeks. A small, cynical part of her brain gave a quick reminder that he could be simply being polite, but she tried to ignore that. "I've really liked spending time with you. A lot." She replied honestly, raising her gaze now to try and meet his eyes. For a brief, fleeting moment her eyes trailed down, lingering slightly on his lips. A part of her was almost tempted to to be bold, but she resisted, instead running her tongue along her lower lip before presenting Cody with another smile. It felt too soon. Too tentative. "I'll see you around, Cody."

[ofgentleresolve-a]

Jeoseungsaja

spread the crowns ( ft. crown opinion meme w/ @thegreenswillcome but also @jeoseungsaja )

[ ♛ ] send me your a url and i’ll tell you the following;

my opinion on;

character in general: tVN goblin’s reaper is a canon character?? who said that?? i thought alex created reaper JFKLSJDL okay but seriously, i adore ALL THREE versions of essentially the same soul ( reincarnation, multiple lives, I LIVE FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF :’D )- the fact that reaper, hyuk, and yeo are all so distinctly unique in their personalities, voices, backstories, preferences ( like how yeo likes sweets, but hyuk prefers bitter flavors ), and even character arcs...AND EVEN THEN?? they all resonate with one another?? the attributes of this soul is still there?? alex you literally created your own lore and IT’S SO JUICY and sorry tVN, it’s like lena said, i’m here for alex’s canon, i will not be accepting anything else- how they play them: where am i supposed to start with this?? well first i’d like to say i adore all three of them, reaper, the competent, but messenger who really really deserves a break, i’m sorry for all the chaos and headaches my muses are giving him JFKLSDJF, wang yeo, the extra(tm) fox with a heart of gold ( i can’t wait to see him interact more with mana 🥺 ), and then finally my grumpy child-in-law, lee hyuk bc ALEX HELP I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WANT TO PROTECC HIM WITH MY LIFE, I DON’T CARE IF HE SCOWLS AT ME 🥺🥺🥺 okay but seriously i think all three of them are written beautifully, and maybe i’m sounding like a broken record here, but alex’s portrayal is never like?? overexaggerated?? like for example, yes, one of hyuk’s defining characteristics is his grumpiness, but he’s never outright mean, that side portrayed realistically in that there always a reason ( however minuscle jskdlfj ) for him to act up, it’s not like he’s always rude for no apparent reason....basically what i’m trying to say is that alex writes people not archetype and that is just skill in and of itself <3 the mun: someone i would gladly throw hands for. and yes, i know, i’m being biased, but i am legitimately serious when i say that alex is one of the NICEST ppl on this hellsite. not only is she an excellent writer both in content and style, but she also just?? genuinely cares about all of her partners?? and like this care also extends outside of the dash too?? literally, words cannot describe how much i completely adore alex and how LUCKY i feel to have the privilege to write, plot, and just be friends with her in general. she is absolutely one of the best things that has come out of my time on tumblr and i hope to be able to write and be friends with her for a very long time to come 😊

do i;

follow them: alex you could open an rp blog for a blob of slime and i would STILL want to interact with it JFKLSJD rp with them: hahaha totally not like we have 283940238 threads ( jk i love them all and i’ll take MORE!! HAPPILY :D ) want to rp with them: to the ends of the earth!! ship their character with mine: *motions to hyurick, the reason i fill bathtubs with my tears on a daily basis, but also....there are a few other potentials i’m seeing?? maybe?? alex hit me up JFKLSDJF :’D*

what is my;

overall opinion:

( ft. me every time i see alex on my dash/inbox/dms JFKLSDJF )

**Note: Mun’s answer are all to be completely honest. Don’t send url if you don’t want brutal honesty.

[ruzek-halstead]

found

part two

pairing: jay halstead x hailey upton

while chasing a lead on their homicide investigation, jay & hailey find an abandoned baby on christmas eve. as to not have the baby spend it’s first christmas at family services, it’s up to jay & hailey, with a little help from will & the rest of the team to take care of it.

“jay, you’d make a really hot dad.”

(inspired by ncis episode)

part one || part three || masterlist

warnings: swearing, fluffery

hailey had promised kim and vanessa that she would stop by the district to introduce them to baby alvin. they also needed to go by anyway to sign the paperwork in order to transfer the case to homicide.

in all honesty, it was a struggle to set up the car seat in jay’s truck. mostly because neither of them had ever done it before and never expected to so soon. it also didn’t help that it was december 24th and absolutely freezing outside. it ended with jay, frustrated out of his mind and hailey, googling the proper technique on how to do it. eventually they got it, but jay still frowned the whole drive over.

they hardly made it up the stairs before trudy stopped them.

“what is that and what is it doing in my district?” trudy frowned, staring at the car seat jay was carrying.

he made his way to her desk and plopped the seat on it. her frown deepened.

“what are you doing, chuckles?”

it was jay’s turn to frown, but hailey was loving it.

“chuckles? oh, i’m definitely stealing that,” hailey laughed, gently nudging baby alvin’s foot. he giggled and it was the most adorable thing.

even trudy cracked the tiniest smile. “voight mentioned something about this,” she motioned to baby alvin, “but he didn’t say it would be in my district.”

“we just have to finish off some paperwork,” hailey replied, “it’s not a problem, is it?”

trudy sent her a real, genuine smile. “of course not, hailey. let me know if you need anything.”

with that, she placed her glasses back on her face and went back to her computer. jay grabbed the car seat again and trailed hailey up the stairs, all the while looking confused.

“what the hell? why is she so nice to you?” jay mumbled disappointedly.

hailey merely smirked.

“oh. my. god!” before they even finished their trek up to the bullpen, vanessa was waiting expectantly at the stairs. “jay, hurry up, i want to see the baby!”

jay frowned. “why is everyone being so mean to me today?”

“we already have one baby to take care of, jay,” hailey mocked and jay’s mouth dropped at her audacity. he’d heard sassy hailey (many times) but let’s be honest, she usually coddled his feelings. she didn’t this time, and even though jay was offended, he found it extremely attractive.

kim and vanessa waste no time in stealing the baby away from jay, so he walked to his desk and focused on his essential paperwork.

“oh my god, he is so precious!” kim cooed, tickling baby alvin’s stomach.

adam came stumbling out of the breakroom. “is the baby here?” he exclaimed, rushing over with an expression of pure excitement. it had been quite an uneventful morning for the rest of the unit so when adam heard that his friends found a baby, he was understandably excited.

“he is so adorable,” vanessa added, staring at the baby and looking like the epitome of the heart eyes emoji.

“voight put you in charge?” adam voiced his question in jay’s direction, where he was signing a few forms. jay looked up and shot a glare at the judgement in adam’s voice. “sorry man,” adam stifled a laugh, “but do you even have anything in your fridge?”

jay threw his arms up in exasperation. “is today pick on jay day or something?”

“don’t be dramatic,” adam rolled his eyes, unbuckling alvin from his seat to pick him up. “i’ve seen your apartment many times.”

jay mumbled some profanities under his breath.

“have you guys given this little guy a name yet?” kim asked, playing with alvin’s fingers.

hailey and jay shared a secretive look before hailey revealed softly, “we decided to name him alvin.”

“i love that,” kim replied warmly; adam smiled so wide, his cheeks burned. vanessa obviously never got the chance to meet alvin olinsky, but she’d heard nothing but great things about the man. she’s positive it’s a great honour to be named after him.

“so, what’s next for you two?” adam asked, bouncing the baby as he walked around the bullpen.

hailey and jay shared another look; this time, jay looked slightly terrified, while hailey looked nauseous. “well, voight says we’re in charge until we find the mother. so, ruzek, any progress on that?” hailey questioned him with hopeful eyes.

“sorry to disappoint, hails,” adam replied, though he doesn’t look that sad; mostly just amused at the night his friends have laid out for them. “i’m very saddened to report i haven’t found anyone; not even a distant family member. “

hailey rolled her eyes. “you don’t look sad at all.”

“no, truly, i’m very torn up,” his right eyelid dropped in a wink. “i’ll keep looking though.”

kim rolled her eyes at her ex-boyfriend’s antics. “don’t worry, i’ll help. i’m sure we can find something.”

“in the meantime, you guys are probably good to head out now,” vanessa added, staring lovingly at baby alvin. “voight was just waiting on you guys to sign over the paperwork so we could all go home.”

jay looked up expectantly, with a large, nervous smile. “you guys are all coming over, right?”

“sorry! i’m spending the holidays with some friends and i’m leaving right after work,” vanessa replied apologetically. she busied herself with grabbing her coat and organizing her desk.

jay’s hopeful eyes flitted to adam and kim.

“i have to go visit my sister before she leaves for the holidays,” kim responded with an apologetic frown. “adam is going to his sister’s too, right?”

adam nodded his head, strapping baby alvin back into his seat. his bouncing of the baby had relaxed him so much, he was now snoozing away. “yeah, sorry. i’ll stay a bit longer to see what else i can dig up, but i have to leave tonight.”

“it’s fine,” jay frowned, “i’ll remember this next time any of you need my help.”

adam rolled his eyes. “okay, honey,” he mocked, “now, can you take the kids home and start dinner or am i the only one who does anything in this house?”

“i hate you.”

🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣

before hailey and jay left the district, kevin had come back from the store with a number of baby essentials they might need. he was sent by voight, who figured jay and hailey, would have no idea what they even needed, but kevin had experience with caring for little ones, so he was perfect for the job.

the two partners trudged their way through the chicago winter and to jay’s apartment

he won’t lie; he was nervous as hell, but hailey looked so calm and it genuinely comforted him. will had texted and promised he would bring some extra baby gear, so in the meantime, they kept the baby in his car seat to be safe.

“i’m going to make him a bottle, he’s probably hungry by now,” hailey said before she makes herself at home in his kitchen. they don’t spend much time in jay’s apartment; if anything, they usually grab a drink at her place, but she felt oddly at ease in his kitchen.

jay loved it.

it felt oddly intimate; but this was happening, and he just had to roll with it.

for the first time today, since being charged with baby duty, hailey actually felt confident in what she’s doing. she’s had to make bottles for her nephews before, so this wasn’t new. however, being in jay’s apartment with him felt new and a little too real, but he was acting casual so she’d be damned if she didn’t do the same.

while hailey tested out the temperature of the bottle, jay busied himself with grabbing blankets and pillows from his linen closet (he would never actually call it that, but will gifted him so many blankets, he needed to store them somewhere). he also turned on his netflix and started some old episodes of the office (it was his go-to show whenever he needed some background noise), and he knew hailey loved it.

he watched as hailey took baby alvin out of his seat and started feeding him.

“wow, you’re really good at this,” he divulged dumbly. he wanted to roll his eyes at himself because it was such a stupid thing to say.

she laughed. “yeah, this part was never so hard.”

he watched for a little longer before sighing. “are we totally in over our heads?”

“oh definitely,” she replied quickly, surprising him with her brutal honesty. “i’m positive one of us will end up crying before the sun comes up again.”

jay stared at her, but she doesn’t even look up from baby alvin.

“wait, are you serious?”

she doesn’t get the chance to reply (she was definitely going to tease him some more because his expressions are priceless) because the door opened and in walked their favourite redhead. his hands are full with a simple playpen and (oh, surprise) more blankets.

“will, for the love of god, stop bringing me blankets!” jay groaned, holding his arms out to grab them but will threw them at his face instead. “i have a closet full of them, dude.”

will rolled his eyes and placed everything else he brought hidden away in the corner. “you know, one day the power will go out or the heater will fail and you’ll be freezing, but you’ll have all my blankets to keep you warm,” he explained his brother with a self-satisfied smirk. “i can’t wait for that day; i will never let you live it down.”

jay mumbled something about will being a drama queen under his breath.

“so, how are you two kids holding up?” will asked, his eyes flickering between the both of them with a cheeky smirk.

jay shrugged his shoulders; honestly, he doesn’t feel as if he’s done much except carry the car seat around everywhere. “so far, so good. it hasn’t been that bad at all.”

will laughed for a solid minute.

“you two are absolutely adorable,” he’s still laughing, “this night is going to be fantastic.”

jay knew will was trying to intentionally freak him out; he knew this. but he also knew, it was absolutely working.

“i am sorry though,” will added, capturing jay’s attention. “i really only came to drop this stuff off. i forgot i had to be at nat’s tonight.”

jay started internally panicking. “what? you’re leaving?”

he noticed hailey smirking at him.

“isn’t nat like a baby doctor or something?” jay rambled nervously. he was beginning to feel slightly terrified at the prospect of caring for a tiny human being; so much could go wrong. “yeah, she is. she can come over too!”

will laughed at his brother’s misery. “sorry, bro. it’s a family thing and it’s christmas eve; we can’t miss it.”

“okay, fine,” he relented against his will. “just keep your phone on you.”

will smirked again. “you’re terrified, aren’t you?”

“absolutely.”

jay was done trying to hide it.

“hailey, you’re in charge,” will called out on his way to the door. “i’m sure it’ll be fine, but call me if you guys need anything! merry christmas!”

and then wills left, and dread started to pool in jay’s gut.

hailey was done feeding baby alvin and was now bouncing the baby against her shoulder (to make sure he burps, she explained). honestly, jay was learning so much.

“want to give it a try?” hailey asked, moving closer to jay and he froze.

he hadn’t held the baby outside of the car seat since they found him and he’s absolutely terrified to.

“come on, you’ll be fine.”

hailey left him with no choice when she transferred the baby into his arms. he nervously mimicked what hailey was previously doing, and prayed he didn’t accidentally break the baby.

“you’re doing great!” hailey encouraged as she cheered adorably. she also pulled out her phone and pointed it in his direction. “sorry, i have to document this. you guys look so cute together.”

jay let her because he couldn’t really stop her (he knew she was taking photos to send to the intelligence unit’s group chat, but they’d been teasing him all day, so who even cares anymore?).

jay finally heard the tell-tale sign of baby alvin’s burp and he felt slightly more relieved. hailey told him to keep doing what he’s doing until alvin falls asleep, and hopefully that would be it for the night (she was definitely wrong, but we’ll get to that later).

as hailey cleaned up her mess in jay’s kitchen, she also checked her phone to see the reactions in their group chat.

cpd assholes

adam ruzek: dilf… not even sorry

vanessa rojas: this is the cutest thing i’ve seen since atwater and the puppies

kim burgess: why does jay’s face look like that. he looks like he’s about to throw up

kevin atwater: more pictures please upton

she was quietly laughing to herself, even more so because jay was too busy to check his phone. it was probably for the best, to be honest. her phone buzzed once more and she saw it was a text from adam, sent to her and jay.

adam ruzek: bad news friends... finally found the mother but she’s deceased. looped in voight and he talked to family services and convinced them to let you guys stay with alvin until the 26th

adam ruzek: merry christmas bitches!!!!

adam ruzek: btw, jay you’d make a really hot dad. love u bro

in the meantime, jay had finally set baby alvin back in his seat as he slept, and checked his phone. “hope you don’t have any christmas plans,” jay began, sending her a small smile, “because it looks like you’re stuck with us.”

🐣

part three coming soon!!

also, “cpd assholes” is their group chat name bc that’s what i came up with at 1:30am, so let me know if you guys have better options 😂

🐣 bonus 🐣

[adoredontour]

all the fics i read and loved this month, in order from longest to shortest!

For As Long As I Can Remember (It’s Been December) by green_feelings @greenfeelings 128k

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove 124k

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore 113k

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

nothing worsens, nothing grows by soldouthaz @soldouthaz 102k

and he sits there quietly with harry’s headphones in his ears while his eyes begin to close, totally unaware that he’s listening to the soundtrack of harry falling in love with him.

or, another roadtrip au featuring harry as the misunderstood hipster, louis as the bitter psych major, liam as the one with the secret boyfriend, and niall as the one who just wants everyone to be happy.

& more under the cut!

Follow Your Arrow by bitter_leaf @bitter-leaf 78k

Harry was the golden child, blessed in every way; Niall was the charming miscreant, a bad boy; Liam was the future-son-in-law parents of daughters dreamt of, and Zayn was the kid parents wished was their son. But Louis, Harry thought, Louis was the special one.

It's senior year and everything is about to change.

somethin’ bout you by missandrogyny @missandrogyny 59k

Of all the government agents in the world, Louis had to go and land the most charming one.

The Recklessness in Water by LarryOn @larryonsimon 50k

Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

Missed Connection by littlelouishiccups @littlelouishiccups 39k

Soulmate AU where your soulmate’s first words to you are tattooed on your skin.

With a boring and generic soul mark like Hi, Harry is pessimistic he’ll ever find his soulmate or that he’ll realize it when he meets them. But he could always have it worse, like his new friend Louis who had a drunken one night stand with his soulmate a few years ago and woke up the next morning alone.

before we knew by falsegoodnight @risthebrave 39k

“C’mon Lou,” says Zayn after a moment, He sounds even more exasperated than before. Louis sort of has a knack for exasperating people, especially people like Zayn who aren’t usually bothered by his brattiness. “Can’t you give this guy a chance? Harry Styles? Aren’t you curious about him at all?”

Despite his best efforts, Louis still flinches at the name. He really shouldn’t be so affected after all these years. He’s seen the name printed down the curve of his waist in obnoxiously and uncommonly large loopy letters every single day since his sixteenth birthday eight years ago. He’s very familiar with the name Harry Styles.

It sounds pretentious and Louis hates it.

He hates everything about his supposed soulmate.

He hates his large handwriting that stands out like a claim on his skin whenever he’s walking around shirtless. He hates his pretentious name. And now he hates his supposed curls and green eyes and dimples.

-

Or Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

what’s mine is yours to make your own by soldouthaz @soldouthaz 39k

sometimes, the closest harry ever feels to home is louis. it's their shared hotel rooms on tour, their shoes toed off in the doorway next to each other, jackets hung on the same post.

it's everything he doesn't notice until it's been taken away from him.

And Touch Me Like You Never by runaway_train @runaway-train-works 35k

“Lets move back a bit yeah?” Harry clutches at his waist with a free hand and tugs him to move through the crowd until they are almost at the back of the group and settles them both beside the far wall. “There. That better?”

Louis looks up at him, as if he’s a tad dazed. “Uh, yeah, thanks. Can’t really see much from back here either though.”

Harry lifts a shoulder and grins at him, placing a hand on the wall behind Louis to pen him in. “We’ll just have to create our own fireworks then, won’t we?” He says it jokingly with a wink, and Louis laughs but he seems nervous. He must know that Harry is harmlessly flirting. Harry flirts with everyone after all, including Louis.

“Do you think this is a good idea Haz?” Louis asks quietly, almost too quietly in the clamour of the room, his head bowed as he scuffs his shoe on the carpet.

“Stop over thinking it Lou, it’s one kiss. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Or

The one where Harry and Louis agree to be each other's New Year's kiss and it ends up being a lot more than they bargained for.

last blues for bloody knuckles by creamcoffeelou @2ofusmp4

Styles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake.

He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later.

A mob au.

like it’s a game by soldouthaz @soldouthaz 32k

there is little harry hates more than truth or dare.

and louis.

gathered on wings by Brooklyn_Babylon @twopoppies 32k

As Harry lay by Louis’ side, covered in sweat and come, he knew he should feel ugly, messy, ruined, like the life he’d left behind. But something about the way Louis looked at him, the way his eyes stared at him with want and awe, made Harry wonder if he’d ever feel this beautiful again.

Harry rolled his eyes at himself for his momentary romantic dreaminess. As good as this was, he knew it was nothing more than sex. He literally couldn’t afford to fall for just anyone, no matter how fit they were.

-----

What Harry Styles wanted was to be taken seriously as an artist. What he needed was a new sugar daddy to pave the way. Louis Tomlinson is an artist who isn’t what Harry is looking for. Somehow he still manages to turn Harry's world upside down.

let’s make a thing of cream and stars by missandrogyny @missandrogyny 24k

It doesn't explain why he's lying on the floor, with Harry Styles, of all people, planking on top of him.

As in, seventeenth most influential person in London, pop-star-turned-rock-star Harry Styles. The same Harry Styles who has had countless model girlfriends, left, right and centre. Also the same Harry Styles who has been the subject of Louis' wet dreams since he was about eighteen.

(Or: Louis is a Radio 1 DJ and Harry is a pop-star he interviews.)

Strong Enough by jacaranda_bloom @jacaranda-bloom 21k

The biggest obstacle is still in place, firmly ensconced as a roadblock, cemented in their path and preventing them from moving forward. The thing is, it’s not actually Harry that’s the problem. Harry, for all his faults, for whatever decisions he’s made to lead to him to where he is in his life right now, would move heaven and earth and all that’s in between to help Liam, to support him. No. It’s Louis. He’s the one that has to reach out. He’s the one that has to let go and get the fuck over himself. It’s been five years for Christ's sake. It’s time to move on and suck it up.

“So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad that it’s Liam that drags the subject out from the shadows and into the world. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?”

Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

you flower, you feast by stylinsoncity @aliensingucci 18k

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry".

The Orchards of Jessop by jaerie @jaerie 15k

At age 40, there isn’t much excitement in widower Louis Tomlinson’s life, but wasn’t that the reason he’d moved to Jessop Island in the first place? Back then he hadn’t thought retiring before he reached 30 and moving to the countryside would mean that he’d be doing it alone. Now, just to fill the space, he welcomes lodgers into his home that pass through working as temporary labourers at the orchards just up the road. They’ve all been young adults eager to start lives of their own after one last summer of freedom.

All of them have been much the same, coming and going from Louis’ house with just enough social interaction to keep the house from feeling so empty. But when a global pandemic shuts down the world, being quarantined with a quiet twenty year old who keeps to himself might turn out to be an awkward arrangement. By the time the restrictions have been lifted, their relationship has developed into something Louis isn’t quite ready to give up. With their twenty year age difference, Louis has to be prepared for the inevitable outcome when the reality shatters the private world they’ve been living in. He’s not sure he’ll be able to let it go.

if i had the chance, the things i would do to you by missandrogyny @missandrogyny 14k

Niall sighs. He leans forward, pushing his mug of tea carefully to the side, before bracing his elbows on the table, chin in his hands. It makes him look like some sort of bottle-blonde cherub. "You have quite the fanbase, Harry. I'm not denying that. And you've done a good job of popping out every once in a while in the past two years, just to make sure you're still talked about. But that's all you've done, and I'm not satisfied. I want more." He blinks at Harry. "Don't you want more?"

(Or: AU where Harry and Louis compete in the Lip Sync Battle)

One Way Road To Something Better by femstyles @femstyles 12k

Four years ago when Louis and Harry moved in together, Louis promised Anne that he’d take care of Harry no matter what. But things don’t always go as planned, and sometimes risky choices have to be made.

Inspired by Don't Let It Break Your Heart

baby look what you’ve done to me by ballsdeepinjesus 9k

The next day kind of turns everything upside down, though. Louis gets another lingerie catalogue addressed to Harry. He’s about to toss it when he sees a personalized note stuck to the front; it thanks Harry for his previous purchases and offers him a complimentary six-month subscription to their magazine free of charge. It’s a unisex lingerie catalogue. Lingerie specifically designed to allow for the existence of penises, apparently, judging from the bulging cocks covered in lace that he sees as he flips through the pages. His breath catches in his throat at the thought of a faceless Harry -- mysterious, odd Harry -- dressed up in his purchases, whatever they may be.

He thinks he needs a lie down, to be honest.

[louis moves into harry's old flat. harry gets a lot of mail.]

golden hearts (light their way back down) by fairytalelights @lookslikefairytale 4k

“..So, top or bottom?” Louis asks when Harry tunes back in. And... what? Harry knew he should have been paying more attention but he has no idea how in the hell Louis explaining camp rules to him could have led to discussing sexual preferences this quickly. He must have smiled and nodded at the wrong place one too many times.

or, the one where Harry’s first day as a summer camp counsellor doesn’t go quite as planned.

Still, Somehow, You’re Perfect Now  by FallingLikeThis @fallinglikethis 3k

Harry Styles is Captain of the footie team and all-around popular dude-bro-pal to the entire senior class. He’s kind to everyone from what Louis Tomlinson can tell, and kinder still when he thinks no one is looking. Of course, Louis has been looking. Ever since he transferred schools at the beginning of the year and noticed Harry for the first time, it’s been hard to look away.

All My Friends Are Here by abrighteryellow 

He is about to decline, though. If he has to sit through forced merriment, the least he can do is avoid participation at all costs. He is about to, but then the guy with the microphone is looking out into the crowd. He’s saying things, too — about rules and prizes and team names. At least, Louis assumes so. He can’t really hear him over the ringing in his ears.

“Alright, mate. I’ll play.”

A pub quiz has invaded Louis’s favorite dive. Fortunately, it comes with a charming host.

Front porch and one more kiss by Femstyles @femstyles <1k

A goodnight kiss on a front porch

BONUS: (rereads)

Unbelievers by isthatyoularry @isthatyoularry 136k

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

Close to Nowhere by angelichl @angelichl 34k

“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.

“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

led by your beating heart by missandrogyny @missandrogyny 24k

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any helpful right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

[tudorsphillipa]

𝕀 𝔸𝕄 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝔸 𝕎𝕆𝕄𝔸ℕ, 𝕀 𝔸𝕄 𝔸ℕ 𝔸ℝ𝕄𝕐 —

                                          phillipa of england

introducing —

her royal highness, princess of england, phillipa tudor

about phillipa

001 ─ personality

princess phillipa was never denied any material thing, every luxury afforded to her as a child. she is spoiled, and she knows it. having her father favour her only helped to further her sense of entitlement; she sees herself as untouchable. she can be acerbic and cynical at times, yearning for brutal honesty to cut through courtly lies. she is unforgiving and brutal, even to herself, and harshly punishes herself for any outbursts or slips. she even turns spiteful; spite and curiosity are twin forces driving her thirst for knowledge and power. she is highly educated in rhetoric and classical dialogues, and often uses both high-handed and below-the-belt tactics to win arguments. she likes being idealistic, but knows being practical will serve her much more. more than ever, as her ambition grows, phillipa only entertains relationships that are mutually beneficial, and companionship can only come from those who are ridiculous enough to be entertaining, or quick-witted enough to keep up with her. she has a natural commanding charm, moving through any crowd with the presence and gravity of a small sun. phillipa cannot stand sanctimonious people; more often than not, their sense of self-importance is either tied to something of little consequence or far inflated beyond their station.

002 ─ rumours

phillipa does not believe in the rumors surrounding her legitimacy; she knows queen anne dislikes her, but cannot fathom that her devout catholic mother would betray her vows. surely, if it were true, that she were some love-child, then her mother would love her more, is that not so? but no, phillipa had no mother’s skirts to cling to as a child; her majesty the queen would not permit it. phillipa has long since given up attempting to grow into a tudor rose her mother would adore, leaving that to beatrice. she speaks to her mother as duty demands and there is little warmth between them, but a part of phillipa howls and rages at her mother’s emotional abandonment. she can be especially spiteful with her mother. what matters now is not her mother’s endorsement, but her father’s favour; her claim to the tudor throne can only be legitimised through him.

003 ─ lessons

despite a natural curiosity about the world around her, phillipa’s childhood lessons were always dogged by a certain restlessness. there was only so much sitting around and listening the princess could do. perhaps it was because of an equally restless court, who still looked to the queen for a prince when she was born. perhaps it was the howling winds that ravaged england the winter she was born. whatever it was, princess phillipa is much more self-sufficient than her tutors expected her to be. after she had exhausted and promptly forgotten the usual subjects a young princess learns, she pushed her parents to provide for a more thorough humanist education. she has a natural talent not only for philosophies, but also for trade. she wanted to learn of history, power, and languages, making her a good diplomat for her father’s sake. mostly self-taught in other areas, such as literature, phillipa has become an ardent patron of the theatre, enjoying italian erudite plays, something she hopes to indulge in during her time in italy. she also enjoys sketching, with a particular interest in architectural drawings.

plots

001 ─ birthright

she is her father’s favourite, his first-born. beatrice is sweet and devout, and charles might be the wished-for prince, but phillipa knows in her heart that she is the one with the iron will and cunning to rule england. one of the many reasons she refuses suitors is that none are worthy in her eyes. she desires a husband who matches and furthers her ambitions for the crown. she knows the price of the english throne will be a hefty one, so for now, her movements are slow and careful, laying the groundwork and swaying support for her side. her biggest obstacle, of course, is charles; she would rather have him on her side supporting her than have him totally removed from court. he is a loose end at best and a potential threat at worst. the time spent in rome is an oppourtunity, one which she intends to use to the fullest of its advantage, to create allies and integrate herself with other rulers, especially ones sympathetic to her. she suspects the monarchs of milan and the holy roman empire may be her strongest allies, not only for their shared gender but for their common faith. russia and the ottoman empire are equally valuable allies for their economic ties, as well as their expansive territories. perhaps in another era, one more stable and peaceful, charles might have made a good king, but england needs better than good. it needs greatness.

002 ─ on holy ground

all her life, she has been a catholic, and knew nothing else. now, even as she lands on holy ground, she questions the church’s doctrine. there must be a god, she knows that, but does the lord truly require such complexities in order to be present on earth? is there no other way to have a relationship with god? as she mingles with muslims and orthodox christians, she starts to express her frustrations─ quietly, though, in vague words. phillipa is not a fool, and knows enough to fear excommunication from the church. the unity that catholicism provides is useful, but sometimes the ceremonial nature can be stifling and a waste of time. one thing, though, she keeps to herself: that religion is power over all, and it is better to be seen as fearful of the divine than utterly godless.

003 ─ presentation

phillipa is the best of england, despite what others might have said. before, she has dressed modestly, in a manner that better befits a princess of a country in a sombre time. the winds of change being to sweep in, and phillipa is the first to feel them. she begins to carry herself a little taller, a litter grander, a little more like a queen. she fashions herself like her father does, carefully choosing her dress and attitudes to reflect that she is her father’s daughter, both noble knight and tudor rose. even with the whisper within her that calls her an imposter, she begins to change how she acts, how she dresses, how she carries herself. with only her physical presence, she carefully balances projected ideals with reality. phillipa has never faded into the background, despite the best efforts of some, and refuses to do so now.

more

001 ─ phillipa has adhd! nothing officially diagnosed, but she does have it. she frequently masks around others, which is where someone neurodivergent can act neurotypical. she stims using her jewelry, mostly. related to adhd are her imposter syndrome and her rejection sensitive dysphoria. 

002 ─ phillipa is. not a good person. she will slap you as a warning. she is very prone to snap judgements about other people, and tends to use other people. if you’re not funny, cute, or useful, phillipa will probably drop you like a sack of hammers. the only person she’s only somewhat vulnerable with is her younger sister beatrice.

the mun

hey all! sorry this is so late, but here we are! i’m jane ( 21, she/they, est ) and this is my first character! i’m always down to plot but there are a handful of topics i won’t write ( sexual scenes, extreme violence, etc. ). if you want to plot, drop me a message here or on discord! i’m still working on phillipa’s pages, and will update as soon as they are done!

[mahalkitajohnnysuh]

Conflicted

So, I never thought that it would come to this. I do not tolerate this action due to family history, but I don’t know what came over me. Maybe I was overpowered by this guy’s charms that I just had to write something like this. 

To know more what I’m talking about, read on. I won’t even give a summary because I want you guys to know what’s up with this. 

And here’s the devil, erm, Jeong Jaehyun looking like a full-course meal even if he’s just serving face to hype you up. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

POV: 2nd person still. 

Word count: 1,900 + words 

Genre: Romance, with a dash of fluff and a bit of angst. A well-balanced meal, if I should say so myself. 

Warning: Read until the bottom of this page, and you’ll get what you’re going to read, maybe next post or some other time. 

–––

You felt conflicted whenever Jaehyun was near you.

Although he was your boyfriend’s ex-roommate, there were times that he would hang out at your apartment to catch up with him.

After all, they used to work together as radio DJs. They had a nightly program that you always tuned to before. You and Johnny were still best friends then, and you know you would be frustrated if he still had his program now that you’re together. You two won’t have the time to cuddle, because he would be working and you would wake up with him asleep on the couch.

As you watched Johnny and Jaehyun converse at the dining table, you couldn’t help but observe the younger guy. He was a Disney prince in real life – creamy white skin, immaculately dressed, and with great hair to boot. He also had a beautiful voice that everyone, regardless of age and gender, would fall for.

Those reasons made you feel weird because you’re already in a relationship with one of the most handsome men you know, but at the same time, you couldn’t keep your eyes off him sometimes.

Why am I even thinking of this? You thought as you tied your hair up in a bun to focus on your sideline. It has been a hot minute since you edited textbooks, and sometimes they amused you because some manuscripts contained hilarious content from idiotic authors.

You were already halfway editing the textbook when you felt someone tap your shoulder. You turned around to see Jaehyun, smiling with his adorable dimples on display.

“Hi Essie, it’s time to eat,” he said gently before he went back to the dining table. You followed suit since you didn’t say no to an invitation to eat. You saw that the guys prepared Korean barbecue, which you have been craving as of late.

“Wow, samgyupsal! I missed this!” You cooed, eyeing all the side dishes that you haven’t eaten in months. “I know you’ve been craving for this, baby. I hear you looking for samgyupsal in your sleep,” Johnny said, eliciting a chuckle from Jaehyun.

You glared at your boyfriend who just gave you a heart sign and winked when you raised your fist at him. Your guest was laughing at your interaction, entertained how one of his best friends bantered with his girlfriend.

As the three of you dug in, you talked about everything – from the weather, your music playlists (to be honest, you liked Jaehyun’s taste more than Johnny’s), your upcoming plans, and even your relationships.

“Uh, can someone please pass me the kimchi?” You asked, your hand trying to reach the bowl of said food across the table. It was Jaehyun who handed you the bowl, and you almost dropped it when your fingers touched.

“Sorry,” you both muttered, giving timid looks at each other. Johnny noticed your interaction and raised his eyebrows.

“Babe, what’s this? You’re shy of Jeong Jaehyun?” He asked, even stamping his feet for effect. You could tell that he was both curious and annoyed – curious that you felt that way and annoyed that maybe your feelings for him weren’t that strong as he thought.  

“B-but…” you started, your eyes meeting Jaehyun’s for a moment before you turned to your boyfriend. “He’s too handsome, just like you…” Your voice was so soft that you felt you were the only one who heard it.

There was a moment of silence before Jaehyun cleared his throat. You and Johnny looked at him, which made him flustered. His ears were practically red now.  

“Baby, I know he’s too handsome for this world, but I hope you’re not falling for him,” Johnny said monotonously, trying his best not to sound jealous.

On your part, you appreciated his honesty. That was one of the things you loved about him – his brutally frank comments helped you with your problems most of the time.

However, you also enjoyed how he seemed jealous of your budding crush on his friend, who now covered his face with his hands. “Please stop looking at me,” Jaehyun mumbled while peeking from the small spaces in between his fingers.

“Of course not, darling! You’re still my number one,” your attention was directed to Johnny this time, “but I have to be honest that Jaehyun is such a stunner that I can’t help but look at him sometimes,” you ended by taking a glance at the guy on your right.

The nerve of this guy to wink at you at this moment! You felt your body heat up at this, and you clenched your utensils tightly to fight it off.

“Jaaaaay! Don’t make her fall in love with you! She should be in love with me, and only me!” Johnny was whining like a baby, and the tension that enveloped the table earlier vanished.

You and Jaehyun laughed at how the 6-footer was acting. “Don’t worry, she won’t. Right, Essie? You’ll try your best not to fall in love with me?” The prince-like guy gave you another wink again and blew you a brief kiss.

You laughed in return, flushing red at the attention you were getting. “Hey, you’re totally trying to steal her from me!” Johnny quipped, whose long arm grabbed your wrist so you can focus your attention on him.

“I’m the only one you love, right?” He changed his voice to a sultry one and he gave you The Look. You felt your heart flutter and your insides became warmer. Ah, he still got you every time he did that.

“Yes, honey,” you murmured, shyly looking at his face. “You’re the one that I love.”

Jaehyun began to sing Shania Twain’s ‘You’re Still The One’, and Johnny followed suit. Then all of you sang the song until the end and burst into laughter at how funny (and flirty) you felt for the past few minutes.

After eating, Johnny had to take care of some errands, leaving you and Jaehyun alone in the apartment. “Don’t you even dare, Jeong Yoon-oh,” your boyfriend threatened, which you and your companion did not take seriously. “Don’t try to do anything to my girl,” were his last words before he left the house.

\\\

If there was one word to describe your situation after Johnny left, it was awkward.

You were seated on the end of the couch with a pillow on your stomach as you busily scrolled through your social media feed. On the opposite end was Jaehyun, who was also doing the same.

You could hear the videos he was playing, and you bet he could hear you mutter something under your breath. That was one quirk of yours whenever you scrolled through your Twitter feed – you had to comment on people’s tweets audibly first before responding to them on the app.

“You’re such a hoe, bitch,” you mumbled as you also typed it as your response. You were commenting on Ten’s latest post, which was an outtake on one of his shoots. He looked like a Renaissance painting that came to life with his velvet suit, silk ruffled shirt, and jeweled shoes.

“Who’s a hoe, Essie?” Jaehyun asked, melting you with his stare.

“It’s definitely not you!” You responded, cheeks red from embarrassment. You didn’t mean for him to hear your comment – you made a mental note to correct your quirk, so people don’t question you.

He laughed at your reaction and moved closer to where you were seated. “Then who are you calling a hoe then?”

You leaned back against the couch, hoping that there will be more space you could back out into. “It’s only Ten that I call as such, and it’s our thing,” you said, raising your phone to your face to cover how flushed it was.

“Really? You and Ten have a thing? Does Johnny know of this?” With every word he spoke, he moved closer to you.

“Not like that, dude! Ten’s one of my closest friends now. And you know he won't do something that will make Johnny angry, right?”

This stopped Jaehyun from approaching you, and it was his time to lean back on the sofa. “Oh, is that so?” he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

When you thought that he was done from crawling toward you, he surprised you when he wrapped his arms around your waist.

You squealed as he tickled you on the sides, on your knee, and his hands crept up on your neck.

“Jaaaaaay! Stop that!” You said in between panting, getting tired from laughing. You were pushing him away, but he easily overpowered you with his strength.

“No, Essie, I don’t want to! Say the magic word,” he said while staring at you with all his might.

Time slowed, and you took in how intent he was on making you say the magic word – what was it, anyway?

“Please?” You breathed, returning the stare he gave you. “Please, darling,” you tried again, your voice breathier than usual.

He loosened his hold on you, but he didn’t let go. “Do I need to repeat myself?” You asked, your hands ready to untangle yourself from him.

“Darling, you make me feel conflicted,” he said with the most painful expression on his face. It was a mixture of sadness and struggle, a combination that was indeed painful to see on anyone.

“Are you for real, Jaehyun?” You raised an eyebrow, hoping it masked how shocked you were with his words. You hoped you sounded scandalized to make him stop what he was doing.

“Essie, I like you. A lot. It pains me that I was never able to make a move on you first,” he said, tilting his body toward yours. He now had a loving expression on his face, making your heart melt.

“But why now?” You could feel the tears pooling at the corner of your eyes.

Come to think of it, Jaehyun was always nice when you hung out with Johnny before. He never teased you – he was actually very sweet and was always on your side. There were times he held your hand, and you let him since you two were good friends.

And how could you forget that he used to kiss your cheek every time you said your farewell? It was not just your cheeks touching – he really pressed his lips lightly on your cheek.

But best friends trump good friends, and eventually, you weren’t able to maintain your closeness once you spent more time with Johnny instead.

“I’m sorry, Essie. I don’t know what to do,” he slowly unhooked his arms on you, “I’m such a fool for coming here. Now I’m confused,” he ran his hands through his hair and looked distressed.

“I’m sorry too, Jay. But if you must know, I like you a lot too,” you said while fiddling with your thumbs.

“Essie, you’re making me more confused,” He sounded annoyed now. “I don’t want to ruin your relationship with John, I know how much he loves you.”

“But does he know that you…like me too?” As much as it made you cringe, you just had to ask him that.

His answer surprised you. “He doesn’t, and I intend to keep it that way.”

This was a plot twist that made your love life more complicated – even though you already have Johnny, you had Mark trying his best to woo you, and now Jaehyun has joined ‘the group chat’, as the kids would say.

“So, what do you plan to do then?” The question came out of your mouth without any thinking, which you now regret.

“Do you want to sin with me?” The way he delivered it sent shivers down your spine. It felt as if you were talking to the devil, only he was clad in a sweater and black jeans.

From that day until the following week, you and Jaehyun had your trysts.

–––

FIN

[jaskierswolf]

You Set My Heart Ablaze pt.5/25

Previous

Yennefer strode into the playground of her old school as if she owned the place. She barely gave the other adults a second glance. She was here for Ciri, and only Ciri. Geralt had practically begged her to come back for the day so that she could be with his ward whilst he was working for the day at Dol Blathanna School. He’d even cashed it in as a favour much to Yennefer’s delight. Of course, she’d never admit to the firefighter that she was going to say yes the first time he’d asked but it was his own fault for making such a big deal about it.

She remembered events like this one from back when she was teaching, and even from her own years as a student at the school. All the parents and guardians were always invited. There were school fates, charity auctions, religious services, all sorts of events that happened throughout the school year.

And Yennefer’s parents had never turned up.

Every time she’d stare longingly at the door begging some higher power for them to walk in and wrap her up in their arms, just like all her classmate’s parents did. Every time she was brokenhearted and left to stay with the teacher. Normally it was her form tutor but other times she was passed along to another teacher with another abandoned child.

It had turned her heart to stone.

She almost had to thank her parents for it. Their lack of love and affection had driven Yennefer to become the best, to become someone that they could be proud of, that they could love. It had fed her motivation and ambition that had served her so well and given her the edge to get ahead in the art world. As a critic she wasn’t afraid of saying her mind, even if it meant hurting the struggling artists. If their work wasn’t good enough then they needed to know. It wasn’t nothing compared to what she’d felt on a daily basis and would only help them succeed in the long run. Her sarcastic and witty vlogs had garnered a large following due to her brutal honesty with just the right balance of dry humour.

When she painted she took her pain and longing and fears, and transformed them into streaks of paint across the canvas until it was a perfect depiction of how she felt in that precise moment. Her artwork was chaotic at first glance but if one were to look closer they would see that each and every stroke of the brush was precisely where she intended it to be, forming part of a larger story and fitting perfectly like clockwork. There was never too much, nor too little.

She was in total control of the chaos.

People that thought otherwise were fools and tragically underestimated her talent.

The idiots.

Yes. Her parents’ neglect had served her well but she be damned if Ciri would be subjected to the same fate. The little girl’s kindness shone like a flame in the darkness of Yennefer’s world and she would fight to her dying breath to ensure that it wouldn’t be snuffed out.

So Yennefer had made up her mind the moment the request left Geralt’s lips. She’d booked a flight back into town before he’d finished begging and she was half way packed before she’d voiced her agreement. She didn’t particularly enjoy returning to the school but there was a strange kick of nostalgia that hit her in the gut every time she passed through the school gates. It helped that most of the faculty were still the same as when she had left. It was always good to see Tissaia again and she loved to catch up with Triss. They could not speak to each other for months on end but pick up again from where they left off as if they’d never spent a day apart. Everyone deserved a friend like Triss Merigold.

Things were still awkward with Istredd. They’d been childhood sweethearts before she’d ever met Geralt Rivia but they’d had an explosive falling out in her last year of University. The things he had said still haunted her and the betrayal still cut into her heart. After that she’d fallen into the arms of Geralt Rivia, or rather she lured him to her bed and how willingly he had stayed. Still her choice of partner had once again failed her and it ended even worse than it had with Istredd. Her and Geralt were too similar in temperament. Too stubborn and hot headed. Whilst they had loved each other, it hadn’t been a happy relationship. Finally choosing to remain as friends had been the best decision they had made but it left her heart vulnerable once more. She knew that Istredd still adored her. She was flattered by the attention but it kept bringing up all those old feelings from college. What if Istredd was the chance that she missed?

She scowled and shook her head. She didn’t want to think about it. Today was about Ciri. It had been a good few months since she last saw the girl, just after she’d moved in with Geralt full-time. She glanced around the school ground for her ashen-haired ward. Young children were everywhere, screaming excitably. She barely flinched when the fire engine in the middle of the yard lit up in vibrant blue and wailed loudly.

She really hated other people’s children.

Ciri was the exception. Ciri was sort of like her own surrogate daughter. She had adored the young girl even before the accidents that had left her without a family.

Finally she spotted the girl in a gaggle of kids, surrounding a teacher that barely looked like he’d graduated university. There were other parents nearby talking to their children and waving to the childlike teacher. Yennefer glided over to relieve him of Ciri. It was only once she got closer that she recognised him as the idiot that had now taken over her classroom.

“Buttercup.” She greeted him cooly.

“Ah. Yennefer Vengerberg.” He blushed and tugged at his hair nervously.

“Auntie Yen!” Ciri cried happily and flung her small arms around Yennefer’s waist. She winced as the gesture sent shock waves of pain down her spine but she was used to it and she hid it well. Ciri didn’t notice a thing.

“Hello darling.” She hugged Ciri back gently. “Did Geralt not tell you I was coming?”

“Of course not! He always forgets to tell me the important things. He’s too busy worrying about vegetables and what Mr Jaskier says in his emails.” Ciri pouted and crossed her arms dramatically in front of her body.

“And what does Mr Jaskier say in his emails to Geralt?” Yennefer raised an eyebrow at the teacher who flushed even darker.

“Just weekly reports on the class’s progress.” He mumbled. “What we’re learning, if there’s anything we’re struggling with. That sort of thing.”

“Well those things are important too, sweetie.” Yennefer told Ciri. “He probably just wanted my visit to be a surprise. I’ll talk to him about it later,” She turned to Jaskier. “I’m taking Ciri.”

Jaskier nodded. “Geralt said he’d asked a friend to look after her.”

“I wasn’t asking, Buttercup.” Yennefer smirked. “You know I almost didn’t recognise you without the coffee stains.”

Jaskier gaped. “You. What? Well. I. I will answer that later in a strongly worded email.” He spluttered.

Yennefer laughed knowing there wasn’t anything the primary teacher could do or say in front of his class. “Come along, Princess.”

_____________

Ciri was running circles around the other children in Vesemir’s drills. Of course the girl had an unfair advantage, namely that she’d been running Vesemir’s drills since she could walk, but it was still immensely satisfying to watch the envy on the faces of the other parents. Ciri knew she was good too, if the satisfied smirk was anything to go by. Vesemir wasn’t going easy on her though. He’d subtlety increased the difficulty of Ciri’s drills, still suitable for a six year old but not quite as easy as her classmates.

Yennefer crossed her arms and let her gaze drift across the playground as she leant against the wall to ease the growing pain in her back. Eskel and Lambert were busy trying to stabilise the firehose. Apparently, Eskel had turned it up a bit too much for the two kids that were holding it and it was now spraying all the parents nearby. Although knowing Eskel he’d probably planned it with the kids as a prank on their parents. Lambert was yelling but thankfully he was managing not to swear like a sailor. Yennefer supposed she should probably make sure she says hello to Geralt’s colleagues. They had after all once treated her like family. Sure, it had been the sort of family that you begrudgingly accept, but it had been family nonetheless.

She turned her gaze to the fire engine. It had gone silent for the last ten minutes or so. She could see a glimpse of Geralt’s bright snowy hair through the window so he was still in there. She caught Vesemir’s eyes and tilted her head towards the truck. Vesemir smiled and nodded so she took the chance to go say hello to her old friend. She was about to knock on the window of the truck when she noticed that Geralt was not alone in the vehicle.

Ciri’s teacher was sat beside Geralt, clutching a thermos flask that he definitely hadn’t had earlier in the day. From where she was standing Yennefer could just about make out the sound of Jaskier singing, and Geralt didn’t seem to be remotely bothered by it.

Yennefer froze.

Geralt hated it when people chatted unnecessarily. He was a lover of silence and only spoke when he had something worth saying. He didn’t believe in filling silence with mindless natter, and yet here he was willingly spending his lunch break with the talkative feral little shit that was Ciri’s teacher.

She backed away from the fire engine towards Vesemir’s group again, pondering over what she’d just seen. Geralt hadn’t mentioned Jaskier before as anything more than Ciri’s teacher. In their regular phone calls, Geralt often spoke about Ciri’s time at school and all the things she’d learnt from the youthful teacher but Yennefer had assumed that it was just Geralt being proud of his daughter but now she was wondering whether there was another reason too. One that maybe even Geralt hadn’t noticed.

“Ciri!” She called to her ward.

The ashen-haired girl looked up. Her eyes were sparkling from the exertion and her fringe stuck to her forehead with sweat.

“Come on. Time to move on. Let the others have a chance.” Yennefer said with a smile.

“Ok!” Ciri trilled, still slightly out of breath. “See ya, Uncle Vesemir!”

“Goodbye, little sparrow.” The older fireman nodded.

“Now, Princess. What can you tell me about Mr Jaskier?” Yennefer said as she took the young girl’s hand and they began to walk towards Eskel and Lambert. Yennefer pulled an umbrella from her bag as they approached. She didn’t fancy being caught up in Eskel’s tricks.

“Mr Jaskier?” Ciri asked sweetly.

“Yes. Is he a good teacher? My princess deserves only the best.” Yennefer squeezed her hand.

“Mr Jaskier is the best!” She giggled happily. “He always plays funny songs in the morning and he forgets to give us homework when it’s one of our birthdays! He even helped me with my numbers when I couldn’t get it.”

“Your numbers?”

“Yeah. I didn’t understand but Mr Jaskier said it didn’t matter that I didn’t understand because we all learn differently and we just need to find the way that suits us!” Ciri frowned as she spoke, clearly trying to remember what Jaskier had said word for word.

Yennefer tilted her head. So the buttercup wasn’t as disastrous as he first appeared. Ciri clearly loved him at any rate. “He’s not wrong.” She admitted. “Regrettably.” She added under her breath so that Ciri couldn’t hear her.

“Yeah! So then we made a song together so I could remember properly! Dad thought it was a great idea.” Ciri grinned.

Yennefer smirked. “Oh really? So your father likes Mr Jaskier’s songs.”

Ciri nodded enthusiastically. “He got annoyed at first because I was singing them a lot around the house after school, especially my numbers song but after I said Mr Jaskier wrote them he didn’t seem to care after that. I think Dad still feels bad because he didn’t see Coën’s text when he got sick and I got left at school on my own for ages!”

“He did what?” Yennefer snapped and then took a deep breath. “On your own?” She said more softly, feeling bad for taking her anger out on Ciri.

Ciri’s eyes went wide and she covered her mouth. “Oh no! I wasn’t supposed to tell you! Geralt and Mr Jaskier made me promise I wouldn’t tell you, even though Ms Merigold said she’d tell you!”

“Ciri. Were you on your own at the school?” Yennefer asked again.

“Oh no. Mr Jaskier and Ms Merigold looked after me until Dad got to the school, but Dad tried to say he owed them for staying longer, but Mr Jaskier refused because he didn’t mind staying with me cos we’re buttercups and buttercups stay together!” Ciri laughed proudly.

“Mhmm. And then what happened?” Yennefer pressed.

“Well then Dad still felt bad because he thought Mr Jaskier and Ms Merigold had to stay forever at school with me. So he brought Mr Jaskier coffee next time he was in the playground with us in the mornings.” Ciri beamed happily.

“Interesting. What about Ms Merigold?” Yennefer asked innocently.

Ciri scrunched up her nose as she thought about it carefully. “No. Ms Merigold didn’t get coffee but Dad did come in to say thank you for like… a whole week!”

“Oh really?” Yennefer smirked knowingly. She’d caught the fireman out. Geralt really should have thought to buy Triss a coffee too if he didn’t want Yennefer to find out about his little crush on Ciri’s teacher, not that that would have stopped her. She always found a way to get his secrets out of him. The poor man seemed incapable of keeping his mouth shut around her. It was a miracle she hadn’t cottoned on sooner.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the familiar ringing of the old hand bell signalling that it was time for the next group of kids to go in for lunch. She glanced around to see the source of the sound. Istredd was hovering by the doorway with the bell in his hands. It was the same one that they had used when Yennefer had attended the school as a young bell, a heavy brass bell with a dark wooden handle. She remembered how her classmates had always argued over who’s turn it was to ring the bell at the end of break times.

“Time for lunch, Ciri. Go on inside with the rest of your class. I’ll be right there.” She released the young girls hand.

“Are you going to sit with us?” Ciri asked excitably.

“As long as Mr Jaskier doesn’t start singing.” She teased. “Of course I will, and Ciri?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to wash your hands.” Yennefer reminded her, raising her voice as the girl began to run off towards the school building.

Yennefer sighed with a shake of her head and then strolled over to her old flame. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. She just hoped it wouldn’t be too awkward this time. She sighed internally and then flashed a smile at Istredd as she caught his eyes. The history teacher smiled back softly and she felt that long gone familiar warmth spread from her heart. He still had the same crinkles in the corner of his eyes when he smiled at her and there was a kind calmness in his eyes that grounded her the way it always did.

“Yenna.” He greeted her softly when she reached him.

“Hello, Is.”

“You look good. Are you well?” He asked with a tilt of his head.

She laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s weird to be back. It always is but Geralt asked for Ciri and I couldn’t say no.”

“Geralt asked.” Istredd sighed, his muscles tensing and a hardness glazing over his eyes.

“Is, don’t start.” Yennefer rolled her eyes at the show of petty jealousy. “He needed me. Ciri needed me.”

To her surprise he let it go. Istredd had never forgiven her for moving on so fast with Geralt after they broke up and her relationship with the fireman was something that had caused tension between them ever since. “How is she?”

“Ciri?”

“Yeah. It’s all anyone talks about in the staff room, Ciri and Geralt.” Istredd grumbled and rolled his eyes at the mention of Ciri’s father figure.

“Oh come on, Is. He’s not that bad. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were jealous.” Yennefer teased, delighting in the way he shuffled awkwardly on his feet and dropped his gaze. She even noticed a faint blush under his brown skin.

“There’s nothing to be jealous of, is there?” Istredd’s dark brown eyes suddenly bore down into hers with a sudden intensity, a shy smile gracing his lips.

She shook her head, ignoring the dull ache that had now settled into her lower back. She should probably think about taking some painkillers but she didn’t want to show weakness in front of her former lover. “Geralt and I, whatever we might have had, it’s over. It has been for a long time now, but he’s my friend, Is. If you can’t accept that then—”

“—then what, Yenna?”

“Then whatever could be between us can never happen, and I don’t think you want that.” Yennefer raised an eyebrow at him and he nodded.

His hand reached out to hers before he remembered the hoards of children surrounding them and he pulled back, but not before the tips of his fingers had brushed against her wrist. “I’m sorry, Yenna. I should never have—”

“No, you shouldn’t.” She agreed.

“I didn’t know.” He looked down at the ground sombrely.

“That was never the point.” She sighed. “Look, I’ve got to go. Ciri will be wondering what’s taking me so long. Do you have my number?”

“You’ve probably changed it.” He shrugged. “It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken just the two of us. Triss is normally here.”

Yennefer pulled out a business card from her purse and pressed it into her friend’s hand. She cursed mentally as she noticed her tablet box was missing. She must have left it in her other purse. Maybe she could see if Triss or Tissaia had anything on them. She would have to swing by reception before she went into the dining room.

“We’ll talk more. I promise. I miss you, Is. You were always a good friend to me.”

“I miss you too, Yenna.” He nodded sadly.

She patted his cheek softly and tried her best to give him a reassuring smile, ignoring the way he still made her heart flutter in her chest, and then she brushed past him and into the old school building that seemed to never let her go.

_____________

The rest of the day at the school seemed to go without a hitch. Yennefer enjoyed seeing most of her old colleagues, although she could have done without Stregobor’s lingering gaze whenever they were in the same room together. She repressed a shudder and guided Ciri towards her car. It was a sleek black convertible which ran smoothly and practically purred when she hit the accelerator. She wasn’t overly familiar with the ins and outs of it but it was gorgeous to look at and she liked to travel in style. It was one of the first things she’d bought for herself when her art blog had started bringing in more money. Unfortunately Cidaris was a city where the roads seemed to be consistently full of traffic. There was no fun in driving her car in a city like that so she’d left the car with Triss whilst she was away.

“Auntie Yen?” Ciri babbled away.

“Yes, Ciri?” She glanced over at the girl who was buckling herself into the front seat.

Ciri was looking up at her with wide green eyes. “Where’s Dad?”

“He has to take the fire engine back to the station.” She explained and placed her hand on Ciri’s arm to try and reassure her. “He’ll be joining us at the restaurant once he finishes work.”

Ciri nodded. “Ok!”

Ciri then proceeded to tell Yennefer all about her life in Posada, her friends at the school, particularly a young boy called Dara and about one Jaskier Pankratz. Yennefer sighed. If she never had to hear about the younger teacher again she would be happy.

Although she did have to admit she was impressed with his style of teaching. Every single one of the children Yennefer had met that had been in Jaskier’s class at school was kind hearted and loyal to a fault.

That didn’t mean she wanted to hear about him non-stop from both Ciri and her ex.

It took Yennefer more time than she’d anticipated to get both her and Ciri ready for their meal with Geralt. She’d insisted on treating them to dinner as she wasn’t in Posada very often and quite frankly she didn’t trust Geralt’s cooking skills. She’d tried to get Ciri into a beautiful turquoise dress for the occasion but the young girl had flat out refused and Yennefer had to spend quite some time calming her down and wiping away the tears. In the end they’d put together a nice sparkly green top with some black jeans. Ciri had asked Yennefer to help her with some make up after watching Yennefer apply her own. That had surprised her after the pandemonium of the dress but she helped Ciri put on some glittery eyeshadow and lip gloss and Ciri even managed to sit still long enough for Yennefer to curl her hair.

Of course that meant that Yennefer barely had time to finish her own hair. She compromised and deftly braided her hair to keep it out of her face and then they were ready to go back out.

Geralt was waiting for them in the restaurant. He looked worn down and exhausted but managed to muster up a smile for Ciri and waved them over.

“Dad!” The young girl ran over to Geralt and he caught her in a hug.

Yennefer smiled at the pair of them.

“The wolves are going to the pub after work.” Geralt grunted. “They insisted I join them after. I’ll try and be back for bed time.”

Ciri pouted. “Can’t I come too?”

Geralt shook his head. “You’re too young. Maybe when you’re older.”

Yennefer raised an eyebrow at her ex. “I come all this way, Geralt, and you’re spending the evening with your colleagues.”

Geralt hummed nonchalantly. “They wouldn’t let me say no. I haven’t been out with them since…”

Yennefer waved her hand to cut him off.

Since Ciri.

Of course he hadn’t.

And now she was here it would give the man a chance to spend the evening away from Ciri, the first for a long time.

“Ciri and I have plenty to catch up on. You can go but don’t stay too late.”

“I’m not a child, Yen.” Geralt grumbled back.

She smirked. “No but I know what your friends are like. Lambert in particular.”

“Uncle Lambert is fun!” Ciri grinned. “Please can I come?”

“Not this time, little Lion Cub.” Geralt ruffled her hair and Ciri swatted his hands away.

“Dad! You’re ruining it!”

Geralt looked taken aback by her protests.

“I styled it for her, Geralt. I’m sure you noticed.” Yennefer gave him a pointed look.

He blinked as he looked at the ashen-haired girl more closely.

“Yeah. I noticed.” He lied. “You look lovely, Princess.”

Yennefer rolled her eyes and picked up the menu. “I’m starving. Let’s not waste anymore time with mindless conversation.”

In the end they only ordered one course. Ciri was tired from the exciting day at school and Geralt was eager to meet up with his friends. He ordered steak and chips, predictably. Ciri went for chicken nuggets and chips, Geralt even allowed her to order a fizzy drink. Yennefer preferred a more sophisticated option and chose panfried sea bass with spinach and new potatoes. Although that didn’t stop a small handful of Geralt’s chips from ending up on her plate, in return in took some of her potatoes. It was a slightly painful reminder of their happier years as a couple and a habit they had yet to break. She squeezed his hand under the table and he flashed her a small smile.

“Thanks for coming, Yen.” He said softly.

She nodded. “For Ciri.”

“I know, but I appreciate it all the same.”

_____

Next

[bluepulsebluepulse]

For the "Give me a character and I will answer" thing. Bart Allen/Impulse/Kid Flash!

PLEASE NOTE: Everything said below is purely of my opinion. Please do not take offence to any of it. Don’t waste your time commenting on this to tell me that you disagree and think I should change my mind about x, y or z (it won’t work). Again, this is just my opinion, it shouldn’t have any affect on yours. I’m not asking or trying to change you opinions or perceptions of the character in question! You continue seeing/ perceiving this character however you like! After all, if we all see the character the same way (that is kind of boring). And you know what, I’ll just say it now. If the character in question is one you care about deeply, don’t read below the line! Simple as that! I don’t want any hate for my honesty.

CHARACTER: Bart Allen

Why I like them

LITERALLY EVERYTHING! BART ALLEN IS JUST AMAZING! HE IS SO COOL! Gosh I just, I could honestly write over a million good things about this amazing speedster.

Why I don’t

THERE AIN’T A SINGLE REASON I DON’T LIKE BART ALLEN. The closest thing I have ever come to feel that represented any unpleasant feelings in relation to Bart Allen, is the way some of the comic book artist’s draw him. He is a straight up babe and some of the artists get it so wrong. But that literally has NOTHING to do with Bart himself. Actually I thought of one more thing, but again, this has nothing to do with Bart. I kinda think Meloni should have just named him Bart, not Bartholomew. Speaking of crappy naming conventions, I hate that YJ gave him the title Kid Flash, he is Impulse! It takes away from his identity! Sorry, but he deserves to continue building on his Impulse identity.

Favourite episode

That’s a tough one since he is just the pure essence of all things good in this world… Probably the one where Bart and Jaime are in the El Paso desert. They are blowing up rocks and having the best of times. I’m terribly ashamed I can’t remember the name of the episode. I can literally remember every line of Bart Allen’s dialogue but I couldn’t tell you which episode any of it belonged to?

Favourite season

DEFINITELY Season 2 (not even a contest) - I hate Season 3 of Young Justice *sobs*. I’m legit worried Season 4 will also be a disappointment. I’m such an optimist y’all.

Favourite line

“Stick with me Blue, I’ll keep you from feeling the mode.” - Picking one physically hurt me, but this one…

Favourite outfit

I actually love both YJ versions. I feel like his Season 2 costume is MORE iconic though. It is much closer to the comic versions of Bart I have seen and loved. There are a few comic versions though which make me cringe.

OTP

LOL - just in case my blog doesn’t SCREAM it, BluePulse…

Brotp

I mean… Can Jaime be my answer for this too? Can’t they be bros and lovers (once they are both of age)? I mean look… If I have to pick one (that isn’t Jaime), it would likely be Cassie. I headcanon Bart being Cassie’s gbf tbh.

Headcanon

He is gay and I’m pretty sure this is basically canon in all our hearts anyway (the only time I’ve seen people say otherwise was in this BRUTAL reddit chat which I think she should be wiped from the internet personally). And YJ appears to be delivering on making Bart gay canonically anyway… just with the wrong people. GRANDON… OH HOW YOU HURT ME. I should stop watching the show lol, but I won’t, I need Bart Allen content in my life.

Unpopular opinion

OOF gonna receive some ALOT of hate for this one… I don’t believe Bart has ADHD or autism tbh. I don’t think ANY of the speedsters do. Of course it would SEEM that way to non-speedsters, and I totally get why people stan for it. I just think that the trait of being impulsive or having a seemingly infinite amount of energy to burn, doesn’t mean he has it. I do see why it makes him a candidate for representation though. I do think Bart however has PTSD from his time with the Reach and suffers nightmares because of it (sorry Bart). And I know in my heart he is gay lol. And I defs stan for him being VERY extra, and talking too much and loving to be loud (and he’s just so adorable like that). So I’m not saying I don’t think any representation should be attached to him, but there are certain ones I prefer for him and my perception of his character (based on the materials I have consumed). Another thing that bothers me - and you will see this across ALL characters I ever talk about; is when people try to attach too many representations to a single character. I think it’s kind of derivative and takes away from the individual elements when you cluster a character with ten different kinds of representation. But that’s just me. I don’t have a problem with representation (I belong to several different communities myself), and am fortunate enough to have a lot of unique and AMAZING friends who belong to some of the same categories as me, AS WELL AS different ones too. I hate shows that refuse to acknowledge anything other than the “standards”. I think the world is more colorful place because of these communities, no that was not an pride pun. And I will reiterate, this is just my opinion, it shouldn’t have any affect on yours. You continue seeing perceiving Bart however you like!

A wish

BLUEPULSE NEEDS TO BE MADE CANON! SOMEWHERE! I DON’T CARE IF IT’S IN YOUNG JUSTICE (ALTHO SH!T I’D STRAIGHT UP DIE IF JASON MARSDEN VOICED BART CONFESSING HIS LOVE TO JAIME IN HIS DREAMY VOICE AND ERIC LOPEZ RECIPROCATED IN HIS YUMMY VOICE) (oops did I just say that out aloud? should probs delete this later). I DON’T CARE IF IT’S IN THE COMICS. IT JUST NEEDS TO BE CANON SOMEWHERE. I AM FLEXIBLE DC.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Please do not harm Bart in anyway DC (i.e. getting shot in the kneecap by Deadshot or dying early from hyper-accelerated metabolism!!! LIKE WTF DC LEAVE HIM ALONE!). Also don’t make him straight, ugh! But most of all, DON’T LET HIM BE WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN JAIME REYES. NOT EDUARDO DORADO JR, NOT VALERIE PEREZ, NOT ROSE WILSON, NOT CASSIE SANDSMARK AND NOT ANYONE ELSE. All of those options make me so very sad.

5 words to best describe them

Impulsive, fast, funny, caring, Jaime-obsessed.

My nickname for them

I mean I don’t really have one and that gives me actual depression… Should I make one? Idk. I love Bart too much to risk picking something lame. I defs know Jaime would have some super cute nickname for him in Spanish. I really want to know what it is.

That is all folks! Thanks for the ask! :)

[hayleysstark]

Sugar Plum Queenie popping in! I've noticed you've posted about the Netflix Green Eggs and Ham I mentioned a while back. Have you finished the series? What are your thoughts on it? I binged the whole show with my sister last weekend and we both adore it! We love how smooth the 2D animation was, how expressive the characters were, the emotional moments (EPISODE 10 GOT US RIGHT IN THE FEELS) and the humor that both kids and adults could enjoy. Plus all the references to other Seuss books!

may i just say, i would binge Green Eggs and Ham in a boat. i would binge it with a goat. i would binge it in the rain, and in the dark, and on a train. and in a car. and in a tree. it was so, so good, you see. so i would binge it in a box. and i would binge it with a fox. and i would binge it in a house. and i would binge it with a mouse. and i would binge it here and there. say! i would binge it anywhere~ 

GOD it makes me feel so much better to hear how you and your sister also marathoned it. did you feel the call-out when Sam said his adventures with Guy were “binge-worthy”??? did you feel it????? did you feel the call-out???? did you feel that exact moment when your wig got snatched straight to the rafters by one (1) Samuel-I-Amuiel? 

And the traditional animation was so, so lovely!!! The world has really moved away from the 2D style in the past decade or so, but the 2D style is the one I grew up with!! I’d never put CGI down to lift traditional up, but there’s simply something so..... cozy, so Saturday-morning-cartoon, about traditional! It’s like a cup of hot cocoa, and it’s just wonderful to see it again, especially for a Dr. Seuss adaptation - which, if you ask me, absolutely demands 2D animation. or death. but preferably 2D animation.

YEAH, E10 was definitely a ride and a half!! brutal honesty, here, I did see a pretty good portion of all that from about a few thousand miles away - the truth about Sam’s mother is very obvious, with how he only ever discussed her in the past tense, and always got really over-the-top excited or super emotional at any mention of family, and it’s pretty plain to see he never had the best intentions for the poor Chickeraffe!! but I figured that would tie in to all the rest of it - he’s clearly unbearably lonely and desperate for friendship at the start of S1, to the point where he literally throws himself at a total stranger in a diner, so I naturally assumed this would stretch to the Chickeraffe as well. He would decide he couldn’t go back to the lonely life he had led before, deliberately delay the journey back to Chickeraffe Island, and drag out the trip as long as possible until Guy proved, one way or another, Sam would always have a friend in him, Chickeraffe or no Chickeraffe, and Sam would finally set the poor thing free.

but!!!!! obviously that didnt happen lmao and canon was a hundred times better and a hundred times more painful.

AND !!! Guy-Am-I was just!!!! a whole-ass mood!!! this man!!!! this!!!!! 👏 man!!!!! 👏 the energy!!!! 👏 is UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! 👏 when Sam refers to himself as Guy’s “best friend” and Guy’s like “I LITERALLY JUST MET YOU”???? a whole-ass mood!! when Guy checks out the classifieds in the newspaper and it’s like “JOBS FOR FAILURES”????? a whole-ass mood !!!! when Guy literally crawls a hundred miles through a fucking desert just so he can be alone ????? a whole-ass !!!!! fucking mood !!!!!!

My only gripe is Guy, honestly, he’s very relatable (sometimes in a not-so-fun sort of way) and the narrative sort of treats him like he’s an asshole just for ???? liking solitude ????? being very independent ???? not wanting to talk to complete and total strangers ????? could really live without that casual implication that if you’re not a goddamn social butterfly, you’re automatically a Heartless Demon. but !!! 

oh, and Michellee and E.B.’s arc fit SO WELL with the rest of the story, I won’t gripe about how Guy and Michellee’s romance was clearly shoehorned in to stop us all from the natural conclusion of SamXGuy. i’m not a fucking coward ???? Guy-Am-I has two hands smh. BUT !!! i did think the romantic subplot was a tiny bit unnecessary, i wouldn’t have bothered with it 🤷 

but yeah!!! ultimately, Green Eggs and Ham was a real fun romp, hit nearly every note right, exactly to my taste!! definitely gonna come back for S2 👌👌👌

Have a great day, Queenie!! 

[leisurelypanda]

Imma need a Steve and Bucky with lots of Daddy/Authority Kink intertwined with some Praise Kink. I’m particular to a Daddy Steve but you pick. I’ll give you my soul if there’s some good/little/baby boys thrown into dialogue. Orgasm delay. Hands held behind the bottoms back. Hair pulling. Snarling in ears. Flilthy dirty flighty! I’m an absolute whore for this idea. I don’t care how many I read, I always want another one.

Wow, I had a shit ton of fun writing this, you have no idea. I am also a slut for this kind of idea. I loved writing this and I hope you enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18345014

Steve stepped off the quinjet and walked out over the landing deck into the Avengers Tower. The mission today was long and a bit brutal, but he was alive and mostly unharmed and there were minimal casualties, so he counted it as a win. Now, with adrenaline tapering off, he became aware of just how sore and sweaty and gross he felt. The prospect of taking a bath seemed practically heavenly.

“Leaving so soon, Cap?” Tony called after him. Steve stopped and let his friend catch up with him before walking into the building together. “You coming to the party later?”

Steve frowned. “What party?” he asked.

“There’s a small get together happening later,” Tony replied. “You know, a celebration of the 10 year anniversary since the team got together. I sent you emails! Well, I didn’t.”

Steve blinked and quickly did the math in his head as they entered the elevator. Sure enough, it was the 10 year anniversary of the Chitauri invasion and the Avengers officially became a team with a mission to keep the world safe. It hadn’t always been easy, but it Steve was satisfied with it.

“Yeah, I forgot, honestly,” Steve said. “I’ll be there. What time is it?”

“Party starts at 9, so you have a few hours to get ready,” Tony said. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Steve hesitated. “Do I need to wear a suit?”

“Nah, it’s totally casual,” Tony said. “You mind if I give you some advice, though?”

Steve sighed. “Sure, Tony.”

“See if you can find someone,” Tony said. “You’ve been single for a long time. Doesn’t matter if it’s just for a romp in the hay or if it’s more or if you want them to tie you up and spank you—”

Steve blushed at that. The fact that he desperately wanted to spank someone, to shove them to their knees and make them submit until the only thing they could say was Steve’s name, was none of Tony’s business.

“—point is, you need to get out there,” Tony finished. “You deserve to find someone who makes you happy.”

Steve cleared his throat and nodded. “Thanks, Tony,” he said. “I’ll give it a shot, I promise.”

Tony clapped him on the back as the elevator stopped. “Good man. Speaking of significant others, my stop is here,” Tony said with a grin as he sauntered out of the elevator. “See you tonight!”

Surprisingly enough, Tony’s party actually turned out to be a small get together, by his standards. The highest public floor of the Tower milled with guests, but thankfully, there were no politicians or generals or diplomats present. It allowed Steve to relax and actually enjoy the party for once. He was dressed in a black button down with dark blue jeans and a silver tie. The sleeves were rolled up, exposing his forearms and he nursed a bottle of beer as he made his way around the room.

Some people were celebrities. There were actors and musicians and sports figures and a few artists. Steve was courteous to all of them. There were also some scientists that Steve had never heard of, but those mostly congregated around Tony and Bruce. Most were friendly, but Steve couldn’t really form a connection with any of them.

Eventually, he spotted someone he didn’t recognize from any tv he’d consumed in the last 10 years. He was a young man with a short, neat beard and long hair done up in a neat ponytail. He was slim, but fit and he looked a little lost amidst the see of stardom and fame that was Tony’s “get together.”

“Hi,” he said.

The man turned towards him and his eyes widened as he recognized who Steve was. Up close, he was pretty. No, pretty didn’t do him justice. This man was gorgeous. His icy blue eyes were piercing and bright, his hands were beautiful and big, with long, slender fingers, his mouth was a perfect cupid’s bow, and he was shorter than Steve by a few inches.

“H-Hello, Captain, I mean, Steve, I mean… sir,” Bucky said with a bit of a clumsy salute. Steve chuckled and debated briefly letting him go on before he decided to put the poor kid out of his misery.

“It’s okay, Steve is fine, really,” Steve replied. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ambush you, you just looked a bit… overwhelmed.”

The man relaxed marginally and Steve extended a hand. He took it. “Bucky Barnes.”

“Nice to meet you Bucky,” Steve said with a friendly smile. “Pardon me for saying so, but you seem a little out of place for the rest of the crowd.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess it feels like that, too,” Bucky said. “I think I saw Beyoncé talking to Thor and I panicked a bit.”

“Not what you were expecting, either?” Steve asked with a sympathetic smile.

“Not at all,” Bucky said. “I was informed that this was going to be a company party.”

Steve studied him for a moment. “You work for Tony?”

“Yeah, I mean, way, way down the food chain, but yeah,” Bucky replied. “I’m just an intern.”

Steve smiled in real, genuine interest. “Really? You’re in college?”

Bucky shook his head. “I graduated last year, but I managed to land this internship here and it’s been pretty amazing so far.”

“I’ve heard they don’t get paid,” Steve said cautiously. “We didn’t have interns in the 40s, and I’ve never had to be one for obvious reasons.”

“Most don’t,” Bucky confirmed. “Stark is actually decent enough to pay us. I’m making a decent living so far.”

“But you’re still an intern,” Steve said.

“Well, the position is sort of like a trial period,” Bucky explained. “They hire some bright young graduates straight out of college and see if they can handle the job for a year. If they can, the company might hire them on permanently.”

“Sounds nice,” Steve said. “How long have you had the job?”

“6 months,” Bucky replied. “Never expected the interns to get invited to a fancy party.”

“If it’s a fancy party, I’m underdressed,” Steve said with a chuckle. He took a swig of his beer. He felt Bucky’s gaze run over his body, lingering on his arms and ass. He held back a grin and shifted slightly to show off a bit. As he hoped, Bucky stared at him. Well, Tony did say to try and find someone…, Steve thought.

“You look great to me, sir,” Bucky said. A blush forms on Bucky’s cheeks and Steve thinks that this kid might kill him with how cute he is.

“You look cute tonight, too, doll,” he said with a grin. Bucky’s entire face turns red. He moves to hide his face in his drink only to find it empty. Steve reaches over and very deliberately and lightly brushes their fingers together as he takes the empty glass from Bucky’s hand. “Let me get you another drink, doll.”

He watches Bucky’s Adam’s apple bob as he nods. Steve smiles to himself and guides Bucky to the bar with a hand at the small of his back. Bucky followed willingly. The bartender glanced between the two of them, but made no comment. In all honesty, Steve wouldn’t be surprised if they were told to sign a confidentiality agreement just for being here.

“What’ll ya have, doll?” Steve asked.

“I know why you’re doing this,” Bucky said. “You’re trying to embarrass me.”

Steve just chuckled again and leaned in. “Not my fault you’re so pretty tonight,” he purred in Bucky’s ear.

“Fuck,” Bucky murmured. Steve hummed in response but pulled back. Bucky followed him a bit and Steve smiled.

“So what’ll it be?” Steve asked. Bucky cleared his throat.

“Vodka,” he said. The bartender nodded and poured him a shot, which Bucky knocked back. Steve was impressed, even though alcohol didn’t do anything for him anymore. The music began to pick up and Steve leaned in again.

“What do you say we get out of here?” he asked. Bucky pulled back a bit.

“Look, you’re a great guy, but I really don’t put out just after I’ve met someone,” Bucky said. “So if that’s what you’re after, I gotta say I’m not interested.”

Steve blinked. “No, sorry, that’s not what I meant,” he said.

“What did you mean, then?” Bucky asked.

“Just…” Steve ducked his head and blushed a bit. “You seem like an interesting guy. And… you’re normal, not like the rest of the people here. I just wanted to get to know you better.”

Bucky regarded him for a moment before he turned back to the bartender. “Can I have some water, please?”

The bartender handed him a glass and Bucky downed it. Then he turned back to Steve and smiled shyly. Steve saw his dimples and immediately wanted to kiss the boy stupid.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Bucky asked.

“With this party going on?” Steve asked. “The press will be swarming the place.”

Bucky frowned. “Shit, didn’t think about that.”

“We can take go up to the common room,” Steve said. “But whatever you want to do, I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Bucky didn’t say anything for a moment before he nodded. Steve took his hand and led him to the elevator to go up to the common room. He sighed with relief as he stepped inside and the loud sounds from the party died a bit. By the time they arrived at the common room, it was blessedly silent.

“So,” Bucky said. “What do you want to know?”

They talked well into the night. Steve found that when Bucky was comfortable, he was funny, charming, adorably nerdy, and quick to smile and laugh. They talked about what Bucky was studying and Steve listened with genuine interest as Bucky talked about robotics and engineering and all sorts of things he didn’t understand. He loved the way Bucky’s eyes lit up when he talked about the things he was interested in.

Steve said how disappointed he was that the Stark Expo’s promise in 1941 for “flying cars of the future” still weren’t invented. Bucky teased him a bit, then looked mortified that he’d done so before Steve laughed a full-bodied laugh. It was so strange to miss being teased, but he did.

They talked about politics and Steve was surprised and relieved to find out that Bucky wasn’t just a liberal, but a progressive. It led to a long mutual rant about how politics should be to better society instead of the rich assholes running it. It was nice to talk candidly about it with someone who agreed with him.

Bucky even asked about Peggy, something that Steve appreciated. People tiptoed around her like his feelings for her were made of porcelain. Steve didn’t talk about her as she was near the end of her life, though. He talked about the woman he remembered, the smart, witty, powerful woman who was a force to be reckoned with and an enemy to be feared.

“Honestly,” he said at one point. “She could’ve been Captain America in a different time. She would’ve been amazing at it.”

Bucky reached out a hand and laid it gently over Steve’s. “I don’t know how much you hear this, what with the media dragging you through the mud at every opportunity,” he said. “But I and a lot of others think that you’re amazing as Captain America, for what it’s worth.”

Steve smiled at that and glanced at the time. “Jesus, Buck, it’s after 4!” he said. “Didn’t mean to keep you up so late.”

“Steve, it’s fine, it’s a party,” Bucky laughed. “I was honestly planning an escape route before you showed up. I’m glad you did.”

Steve smiled. “Still, I can grab a car and take you home,” he offered. “Or… you can stay in my guest room?”

Bucky smiled slowly. “Can I borrow some sweatpants?” he asked. “Do superheroes wear sweatpants?”

Steve rolled his eyes as he stood. “Yeah, Buck, you can borrow some sweatpants.”

Bucky just leaned back on the couch and stretched. Steve’s eyes fell to the sliver of skin just above Bucky’s hips that showed as he did so because, super soldier or no, he was only so strong. Bucky’s lithe body was pure temptation and Steve wanted to sin.

“I’m too tired to move,” Bucky complained, grinning mischievously. “You’ll have to carry me.”

Steve bent down and picked him up bridal style and carried him easily to the elevator. Bucky yelped in surprise, as though he actually thought that Steve wouldn’t rise to that kind of challenge, simple as it was.

“JARVIS, my floor, please,” he said.

“Certainly, sir.”

“Oh. My. God,” Bucky hissed with excitement. “I’m meeting Tony’s AI!”

“You work here,” Steve said.

“Yeah, but I don’t get to tell him what to do!” Bucky said. “I don’t have that kind of clearance.”

“You’re really more excited to meet a computer voice than anyone else in that party,” Steve drawled.

“Because it’s the AI, duh,” Bucky replied. That nerdy light was back in Bucky’s eyes and Steve couldn’t bring himself to say anything else.

When the elevator opened, Steve carried Bucky directly to the guest bedroom. He made the bed quickly and efficiently, laying down soft sheets and blankets and fluffy pillows. Then he got Bucky a pair of sweatpants and a spare toothbrush and resolutely did not think of Bucky wearing his clothes. He handed them to Bucky.

“Need anything else, or are you set for tonight?” he asked. Bucky bit his lip and smiled as he took a tiny step forward.

“You could… kiss me goodnight,” he suggested. It was all Steve needed. He took Bucky’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together. Bucky tasted like the vodka he’d been drinking and something sweet that Steve couldn’t place. He nipped at Bucky’s lower lip that had been taunting him all night and pushed his tongue inside that gorgeous mouth of his. Bucky bent beneath him and moaned into the kiss, lifting his arms to wrap around Steve’s neck as he yielded so perfectly.

Steve pulled back and the two of them gasped for breath. Steve grinned at the way Bucky’s pupils were dilated.

“Daddy,” Bucky breathed. Then he snapped his mouth shut as his eyes widened. “I’m so sor—”

Steve shut him up with another kiss before he could finish. He had to restrain himself, because all he wanted to do was throw Bucky onto the bed and ravage him, but he promised he wouldn’t. He pulled back and placed a finger over Bucky’s lips.

“We can talk about that in the morning,” he said lowly. “For now… be a good boy and go to bed.”

Bucky nodded, a bit dazed and Steve kissed him one last time before he closed the door.

Bucky hardly slept that night. Honestly, where did Steve get off being so damn hot? Steve wasn’t his first kiss or anything, but damn that was the hottest kiss Bucky had ever had in his life. And on top of all that, he’d gotten so caught up in his personal fantasy coming to life that’s he’d actually called Captain Fucking America, Daddy.

He adamantly did not think about how Steve had responded to that.

He eventually did wake up to the smell of bacon frying and his stupid stomach growled loudly. He rolled out of bed groggily and freshened up a bit in the bathroom because he wasn’t completely barbaric. When he walked out he heard Steve whistling by the stove like he had just walked out of a 1950s musical. He was wearing a grey t-shirt that looked like it was a second skin and a pair of black athletic shorts that still somehow did nothing to hide Steve’s unfairly magnificent ass.

Steve turned around and Bucky blushed and smiled as Steve winked at him. He waved Bucky over and Bucky walked over, unable to resist the smell of bacon.

“You said we had something to talk about?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” Steve said. His beard looked neat and freshly trimmed and Bucky immediately thought about how it had felt against his face last night. He almost wanted to shave just so he would be able to feel it more easily. “How do you like your bacon? Chewy or crispy?”

“Chewy, but that’s not what I meant,” Bucky said.

“What about your eggs?” Steve asked. “I like over easy, personally.”

“Over medium,” Bucky answered. “Are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, you wanna talk about me being your Daddy,” Steve said with a sly grin. “I got toast, bagels, and English muffins. Got a preference?”

“Asshole,” Bucky muttered.

“Rimming is not part of a balanced breakfast, baby boy,” Steve said.

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky groaned. Steve just laughed at him and Bucky grumbled as he snatched up the bag of bagels. “Bagels. Also, you’re not funny.”

Steve ignored him and kept laughing. Then he turned back to Bucky and bent down to kiss him. It was nothing like last night. It was light and chaste. It still made Bucky’s heart skip a beat, though.

“After breakfast, I promise,” Steve said. “Be a good boy and toast some bagels. Three for me.”

“Three?” Bucky asked.

“The serum makes my metabolism burn faster,” Steve explained. “Need more food than most others.”

“Huh, interesting,” Bucky replied.

The two of them fell into an easy dynamic, with Steve dishing out instructions and Bucky following them. It was interesting, seeing the side of Steve that knew what had to be done and had a plan. Breakfast turned out to be healthy and hearty and Bucky was pleasantly full by the end of it.

“So,” Steve said, leaning back. “How do you want this to go?”

“To be honest, I have no idea,” Bucky replied. “I mean, you’re hot, you’re funny, and honestly, I just like you. I don’t really know what else to say about… all this.”

“Would it help to say how I want this to go?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded immediately. Steve regarded him for a moment before he stood up and took Bucky’s hand. Bucky followed him to the living room, where Steve sat down and pulled Bucky down into his lap. Bucky blushed. It felt silly, but Steve seemed so sure, so confident that this was exactly how he wanted Bucky, that Bucky held his tongue.

“Here’s what I want,” Steve said. “I want you to be my baby boy, to let me take care of you, Dom you, and use you.” Bucky shivered against him and Steve’s slow, sexy smile grew. “You like the sound of that?”

“Yes,” Bucky said. Steve took his chin in his hand firmly.

“I want you to call me ‘Daddy’,” Steve said. There was a pregnant pause before Bucky swallowed.

“Yes, Daddy,” he said. Steve smiled with approval and let go of his chin.

“Good boy,” he murmured. Bucky’s heart danced a little jig at the words like a little traitor. “You don’t have to live here if you don’t want to, but I would like you to have sex with me if you’re willing.”

“You kiddin’?” Bucky asked, albeit a bit breathlessly. “I…I really want that, Daddy.”

Steve’s eyes darkened and his hand tightened on Bucky’s thigh. It travelled up towards the groin a bit before dipping between and stroking along the inside. His other hand trailed along Bucky’s spine, sending little sparks through his body like he was the 4th of July. Bucky gasped and moaned softly.

“Good boy,” Steve said. “How do you feel about pain?”

“Plannin’ to spank me, Daddy?” Bucky gasped.

“If you deserve it,” Steve replied. Then he shrugged. “Or if I feel like it. I’ll let you know which.”

“I’m really okay with it,” Bucky said.

“What about names?” Steve asked. “You seem to like being called baby boy. What about more… humiliating names?”

“What like bitch?” Bucky asked.

“I was thinking more like, ‘slut’,” Steve replied. Somehow the way that word sounded with Steve’s voice just sounded deliciously hot. Bucky nodded and Steve hummed lowly in his chest.

“Please, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. The word came easier now, but didn’t fully get rid of the quiver in his body as it left his mouth.

“Just one more question, baby boy,” Steve said. “You’re doin’ so good. How much experience do you have with this?”

Bucky blushed and swallowed. He looked down. “A bit,” he said.

“How much is a bit?” Steve asked.

“…None,” Bucky said. “Never got this far with anyone else.”

Steve was silent for a while. Bucky dared to look up and there was a dark, hungry gleam in Steve’s eyes. The hand on Bucky’s thigh moved up to brush lightly against Bucky’s crotch. Bucky gasped and moaned as his cock responded immediately. Steve hummed and it sent a shiver up Bucky’s spine.

“Waited for Daddy, did you, baby boy?” Steve murmured. “Saved yourself for me?”

Bucky’s brain short circuited. “Yes, Daddy,” he moaned.

“Such a good boy,” Steve moaned softly. “So considerate, knowing Daddy wanted to be your first.”

Before Bucky could respond, Steve stood up, carrying him bridal style just like last night. Bucky clung to him as Steve marched back to what Bucky assumed was Steve’s room. Steve kicked the door open like a caveman and set Bucky on his feet. Bucky kept his arms around Steve’s neck and had all of a second before Steve kissed him again. Steve kissed him like a starving man and Bucky was a buffet.

“Daddy,” Bucky moaned. Steve growled against him and reached a hand up to Bucky’s hair and pulled it, exposing Bucky’s neck.

“Baby boy,” Steve growled. “You wanna be a good boy for Daddy?”

“Yes, Daddy.” Steve pulled his hair a little more and Bucky hissed with the sting.

“Wanna make Daddy happy?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“You want Daddy to make you his?”

“Yes, Daddy!”

“Good boy,” Steve said. “Listen now. Green means good to go. Yellow means slow down. Red means stop. If you can’t speak, tap three times. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Steve smiled hungrily and placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Good boy.” The next thing Bucky knew, he was being pushed down to his knees, powerless to resist. He knelt in front of Steve. The outline of Steve’s huge cock tented the shorts and Bucky’s mouth watered. Steve pushed his shorts down and his cock sprang free; long, thick, and uncut. He slapped Bucky’s face with it, leaving a stream of pre-come on his face.

“Why don’t you open your mouth, baby boy?” Steve asked. Bucky obeyed and Steve pushed his cock in. Bucky moaned as the salty, bitter taste of his pre-come hit his tongue. Steve held his head in place and thrust shallowly into his mouth. He moaned lowly. “Oh, doin’ so good, baby. Such a good little cocksucker.”

Bucky moaned around the heavy weight of Steve’s cock. He breathed in the heady scent of Steve’s groin and steadied himself against Steve’s thighs. Wonder if he’ll crush my head with them, Bucky thought.

Steve’s hands fisted in his hair as he fucked into Bucky’s waiting mouth. Slowly, he started to thrust deeper into Bucky’s mouth until he gagged on Steve’s cock. He tapped Steve’s leg and Steve pulled out. He breathed and Steve looked down at him with a smile. He stroked Bucky’s face with a thumb.

“Good boy,” he said. “Such a good boy for Daddy. What’s your color?”

Bucky preened at the words. “Fuckin’ green, Daddy,” he moaned and went down on Steve’s cock again. He bobbed on the head, twisting his tongue around the head experimentally. Steve moaned loudly and bucked into Bucky’s mouth.

“Fuck, baby boy, you’re a natural,” he groaned. “Born to be Daddy’s cocksucker, weren’t you?”

Bucky moaned around Steve’s length and sped up. He wrapped a hand around the base and jerked it in tandem with his mouth. Steve stared down at him, his blue eyes dark with arousal and his callused fingers stroking Bucky’s face. Bucky came off Steve’s cock and licked up the underside before taking it back in his mouth. Steve started thrusting into his mouth again.

“God, so good,” Steve moaned. “Just relax for Daddy. Let Daddy fuck your mouth like a good little boy.”

Bucky moaned and Steve began thrusting faster and further into his mouth. Bucky kept himself from gagging and stared up at Steve, utterly incapable of looking anywhere but Steve’s face. Steve had a wicked grin on his face. He looked at Bucky like he was the only thing that mattered on earth and fuck if that didn’t do shit to Bucky’s brain.

“Gonna make you take all my cock someday, baby,” Steve moaned. “Gonna make you choke on Daddy’s big dick, make you come like that.”

Bucky moaned and reached down to touch himself. Steve caught the movement and pulled out. He wrapped a hand around Bucky’s throat with a stern look.

“You don’t touch yourself, slut,” Steve growled. “I touch you. I make you come. You beg for it until I make you come, got it?”

His grip on Bucky’s throat tightened and Bucky whined. “Yes, Daddy,” he gasped. Steve kissed him hard and full of hunger before letting go.

“Good boy,” he said with a smirk. “Color?”

“Green,” Bucky breathed. “So green.”

“Excellent,” Steve groaned.

He put his cock at Bucky’s mouth again and pushed back in. Bucky gagged on it as it went back towards his throat, but he made himself keep his mouth open. Steve placed both hands on his head, fisting them in Bucky’s hair as he fucked his mouth. All Bucky could do was kneel and take every hot inch that Steve gave him.

Steve began to grunt like an animal. His thrusts grew faster and harder and more desperate. Bucky moaned as Steve used his mouth to chase his orgasm. Steve kept his eyes on Bucky’s face as he snapped his hips to the sweaty rhythm of his animalistic grunting. Finally, he pulled out all the way and jerked his cock. One hand remained in Bucky’s hair, pulling it back and angling his face towards Steve’s cock.

“Gonna come on your face, baby boy,” Steve groaned. “Daddy’s gonna dirty you up, like a good little slut.”

“Please, please, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. “Do it, green. Been good, a good boy for you, Daddy. Please give me your come.”

Steve snarled and groaned. His come erupted out of his cock in long, thick, hot ropes, painting Bucky’s face. Bucky closed his eyes letting it mark him, relishing in the feeling of it landing on his mouth, his nose, his cheeks, his hair, and his eyes. When Steve pressed the head of his cock to Bucky’s mouth again, he suckled the last of the come from it like it was ambrosia.

“Look at you,” Steve groaned. Bucky opened his eyes. “Daddy’s little boy covered in come. You know what this means, baby?”

“What, Daddy?” Bucky said. He gazed up at him with worshipful awe, Steve’s perfect, hard body looming over him, a monument to every desire and fantasy Bucky had ever had in his life. He was the image of sex and power. His cock hadn’t even softened at all.

I could stay like this forever, Bucky thought. On my knees for him, give him everything he takes from me and more.

Steve stroked a finger through the come on Bucky’s face and put it in Bucky’s mouth. Bucky sucked the finger obediently, licking every drop of the strong, bitter come.

“You’re mine,” Steve snarled. “You’re Daddy’s little boy, now.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky said with a small smile. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Color?”

“Green.”

“I’m gonna wreck you, baby boy,” Steve said with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Gonna pop your cherry so good you never want anyone else.”

Bucky was already about 90% sure that he never wanted to get fucked by anyone else but Steve, but the words still made him feel hot. He moaned softly when Steve put another come-covered finger in his mouth.

“You like that, baby boy?” Steve asked. “You wanna belong to Daddy and nobody else?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky breathed. “Please, want it, want you, Daddy.”

“I know, baby,” Steve purred. He pulled Bucky up to his feet like he weighed nothing and kissed him. It was full of possessive desire and Bucky yielded to him immediately. His body sang with need as Steve carried him to the bed. Bucky stretched out on the huge bed.

“Half expected you to bend me over the couch,” Bucky chuckled. Steve smiled with amusement.

“Later, baby,” Steve said.

“Fuck,” Bucky breathed. “I need to be able to walk, you know.”

“Says who?” Steve replied with a grin. He draped himself over Bucky’s body and growled in his ear. “I’m your Daddy now. I decide what you need.”

God. Fucking. Damn. All Bucky could do was nod obediently. Steve flipped him over and pinned his wrists to his back. Bucky gasped and trembled beneath him with anticipation. He felt Steve’s hot breath ghost over the curve of his ass.

“What happened to ‘rimming is not a part of a balanced breakfast’?” Bucky asked

“It’s not,” Steve agreed. “But it’s second breakfast, now.”

With that, Steve buried his face between Bucky’s ass cheeks and began to lick, suck, and nip along Bucky’s ass. Bucky moaned and writhed beneath him at the feeling. Steve’s beard scratched in a way he never expected, burning his sensitive skin deliciously. The thought that Steve marked him somewhere so intimate drove Bucky up the wall with arousal and if not for Steve’s command to come only when permitted, he might’ve shot his load right there.

Steve’s mouth was pure, blissful sin. He hadn’t even put his tongue in him yet, but Bucky hadn’t ever felt anything this amazing in his life. His hot, wet tongue lapped at his hole. His breath kissed his skin as he ate Bucky’s ass like it was a holy sacrament. Bucky pushed back against Steve’s face. He felt his climax building in the pit of his stomach.

“Daddy, Daddy, please, I’m close,” Bucky moaned. “Please let me come.”

“You gonna come on my mouth, baby?” Steve groaned. His grip on Bucky’s hands tightened like vices. “You gonna come from your Daddy eating your cute fuckin’ ass?”

“Uh-huh,” Bucky moaned desperately. “Please, can I? Need it, make me come, Daddy, please!”

“Such a good little boy, begging Daddy like a needy little whore,” Steve purred. “Go ahead and come, baby.”

Steve went back to eating Bucky’s ass and Bucky moaned frantically. He gasped and moaned and cried from the pleasure until his orgasm crested, bursting over him like the dawn. His entire body burned with pleasure as he shook against the bed and came all over Steve’s sheets. Steve hummed with approval and gave one final kiss to Bucky’s hole before he knelt above him. He reached up with his free hand to stroke down Bucky’s back as he came down from his climax.

“Such a good boy,” Steve purred. “See how much better it feels when you submit to Daddy, let Daddy give you what you need?”

“Yes, Daddy. Thank you, thank you,” Bucky gasped.

He felt both utterly spent and totally invigorated. Steve pushed him further up the bed and grabbed a bottle of lube from the bedside table, all while keeping a hand locked around Bucky’s wrists. He poured cool lube on Bucky’s hole and pressed a finger in. It entered him easily and Bucky moaned.

“There, see how relaxed and loose you are for Daddy, now?” Steve asked. He angled his finger and Bucky arched off the bed with a moan. It was equal parts pleasure and pain, overstimulation making it the most amazing feeling Bucky had ever felt.

“Fuck,” he whimpered. “Oh, God!”

Steve draped himself back over Bucky’s body and kissed the back of his neck tenderly. Bucky relaxed at the touch and Steve hummed in approval.

“Good boy,” Steve murmured in his ear. “Just relax for me, baby. Daddy’s gonna make you feel so good.”

Steve added another finger and Bucky hissed as his hole stretched to accommodate it. God, he thought. This is only two fingers and his dick is fuckin’ huge! He’s gonna split me in half!

He mewled into the mattress beneath him as Steve stretched him open on his fingers. His fingers teased over his prostate, making his body jolt and spark with pleasure. In no time at all, sooner than Bucky had ever managed, his cock was hard again and leaking with pre-come. Steve pressed a third finger inside him and Bucky moaned loudly. After what felt like forever, Steve snarled in Bucky’s ear as he removed his fingers.

“Can’t wait anymore, baby boy,” Steve growled. “Gotta fuck you now, make you mine.”

“Yours, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. His brain was fuzzy and all that mattered was that Steve was gonna fuck him. He heard Steve lube up his cock before he pressed it to Bucky’s hole.

“Just breathe and relax, baby boy,” Steve murmured above him. “I’ve got you. This might hurt, but it’ll feel good eventually.”

It fucking burned. Steve pushed in slowly and Bucky groaned from the stretch. His hole was tight around the large dick. Steve was slow and gentle, murmuring sweet encouragement into Bucky’s ear, telling him how good he was doing. Bucky tuned out everything but Steve and the litany of praise that fell from his tongue.

By the time Steve bottomed out, Bucky was breathing like he had done a whole workout. His body was coated in a thin layer of sweat. Steve let go of his wrists to pet Bucky’s hair and body, but Bucky kept them in place.

“Look at you,” Steve said. His voice dripped with pride. “Daddy’s little boy took his entire cock. Such a good little boy, baby, Daddy’s so proud of you.”

Bucky preened at the praise. He lacked the energy to do much else. Thankfully, Steve seemed content to simply keep his cock in Bucky’s ass for the moment.

“Let me know when you’re ready, baby,” Steve murmured.

“So big, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. “Didn’t know they came this big, biggest I ever seen.”

Steve chuckled over him. “Thought you were a pure little virgin for Daddy, baby boy,” Steve said.

“Well… I watched porn,” Bucky admitted. “Had to take care of myself somehow.”

Steve hummed as a hand wrapped around Bucky’s throat again. It pressed lightly against Bucky’s wind pipe and Bucky gasped.

“Might have to punish you for that later, baby boy,” Steve snarled. “Did ya think about any of those other men fuckin’ your tight little hole?”

“N-No, Daddy,” Bucky gasped. “J-Just you, only wanted you, I promise!”

“Good,” Steve snarled. “Daddy doesn’t like to share, baby. You feel horny, you come to me, got it?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky whimpered. Steve’s grip on his throat relaxed and Bucky breathed. “W-Will you fuck me now?”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Steve said. He began rock his hips against Bucky’s ass in slow, shallow movements. Bucky gasped and moaned and arched his back against Steve’s hard body. Steve reached a hand up to Bucky’s hair and pulled his head back. He growled as he sucked hard on Bucky’s neck and Bucky was pretty sure he saw stars.

“Fuck, fuck, God, fuck,” Bucky whined.

“You like that, baby?” Steve growled. “You like bein’ full of Daddy’s big dick? You like bein’ Daddy’s little slut?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. “Feels so good!”

Steve growled again and his thrusts became faster and harder. Bucky pushed back against Steve, meeting his thrusts and moaning as Steve’s cock dragged over his prostate. Steve clearly knew what he was doing. He aimed his thrusts so that they dragged directly over it with such precision that Bucky couldn’t do anything but moan as the pleasure flooded his senses.

“More, Daddy,” Bucky whined after a while. “Wanna feel it, wanna feel you.”

“Christ,” Steve moaned. “Just gettin’ started, baby. Gonna make you scream for your Daddy ‘til everyone knows who you belong to.”

He thrust faster, deeper, harder and Bucky cried out at a particularly sharp thrust. The pleasure mingled with the sweetest bit of pain, the bite in Steve’s thrusts, the way his teeth bit into the tender flesh of Bucky’s shoulder, the way his hair was pulled so that Steve could leave hickeys and beard burn on his neck. Through it all, Bucky kept his wrists at the small of his back.

Steve pulled out more and more as he went until his thrusts were long and deep. He slammed his hips into Bucky’s and Bucky cried out with ecstasy… right up until Steve came all the way out. Bucky whined at the loss, but before he had the chance to feel disappointed, Bucky flipped him over. Steve hovered over him and thrust back in with one strong thrust. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist and Bucky clutched at his back in turn, his nails digging shallow grooves into Steve’s immaculate back.

“Wanna see you come, baby boy,” Steve grunted. His hips slammed into Bucky. “Wanna see you come on Daddy’s dick.”

Bucky didn’t even have the sense to answer. He just nodded and howled with pleasure. He could do it, he could be good for Daddy, give him what he wanted. Steve growled and placed a searing kiss to Bucky’s mouth before sucking another mark on his neck.

“You close, baby?” Steve hissed. “You gonna come for Daddy? You gonna be a good boy for me?”

Bucky chanted yes over and over and over again. Steve fucked him even faster, driving him towards completion. Bucky could feel it. His balls rose, his gut tightened. He was gonna come. Steve slammed directly over his prostate and Bucky screamed his release as he came all over Steve’s body.

Bucky slumped back on the bed. Steve kept fucking him, kept fucking his hole and hitting his prostate. Bucky gasped in pain as the pleasure became overwhelming, but Steve kept going.

“Gonna come in you, baby boy,” Steve growled. “Gonna fill you up, make you mine. Fuck, you were perfect. Such a good little boy for Daddy. So good for waiting for me.”

Bucky felt a bit loopy but he smiled at the praise. Steve grunted and groaned and finally kissed him fiercely as he came. Bucky felt his cock pulse as hot come filled his ass. Bucky moaned at the feeling of being filled with Steve’s come.

It was strange. It was the good kind, though; the kind that was new but felt right, like another piece of some cosmic puzzle fell into place. In the back of his mind, Bucky remembered Steve’s words: that Bucky belonged to him. Maybe he did, maybe he was supposed to be Steve’s.

Steve slumped against him when he was done. He peppered Bucky’s face with lazy, gentle kisses and Bucky sighed in contentment. He didn’t pull out of Bucky, but Bucky felt Steve’s member finally soften a fraction.

“How do you feel?” Steve asked. “Did I hurt you?”

“That,” Bucky said. “Was so much better than I expected my first time would be. I never, ever want to sleep with anybody else.”

Steve hummed, clearly pleased that he’d succeeded in his mission. Bucky didn’t think he should’ve been surprised. Steve was known for getting the job done for a reason.

“What about you?” Bucky asked. “How are you?”

Steve actually gave him a sheepish smile. “I feel good,” he said. “Hopeful.”

Bucky studied him for a moment. “You really think that I’d leave after that?” Bucky asked. Steve’s blush gave him all the answer he needed.

“I’ve been told I can be… a lot,” Steve replied.

“They’re not wrong, whoever they are,” Bucky said. “But I liked it. Fuck, I don’t think there was one single thing about what happened that I didn’t like. You were amazing, Stevie.”

Steve smiled. Not a grin or a smirk or anything, but a real, genuine bright smile full of light and satisfaction.

“Thank you,” he said.

“I meant what I said, you know,” Bucky continued. Steve looked at him. “When you said I was yours and I agreed. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“That’s good to hear,” Steve said. He leaned down and kissed him.

“There is one condition,” Bucky said.

“Yeah?”

“You have to take me out for dates,” Bucky replied. “I’m not just your boy toy. You gotta work for it, too.”

Steve laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

They cuddled together until Bucky felt like he could move. Steve had to help him, as Bucky had a rather noticeable limp in his step. Steve washed him off with such gentle devotion that for Bucky, it sealed the deal. This was where he would belong.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi, I was wondering if 6 ccore could be the reason why someone is withdrawing from others in certain situations or is it usually just 4? or can 6 core be the reason why someone behaves like a 2 (helping out of loyalty even when they would rather not)? I think that 6 core makes identifying our fixes really hard and I end up wondering if the traits I see are not due to 6.

I’m gonna be honest, because I see a lot of people struggling with this (and not just as 6′s, but with the other ambiguous numbers like 3 and 9).

You will not figure out your lower fixes until you deal with being a core 6.

In other words, shelve the “search” until you have a better self-awareness.  Your only and best shot is to grow up your core. So read all you can about it. Study it until you have exposed every raw piece of yourself, until you have identified everything that stops you, until you can see all the lies you tell each and every day, until you stop making your number’s excuses and face up to your fatal sin – because that’s what it is: a lie, a sin, that keeps you trapped. Once you can admit to all those flaws without trying to deny or excuse any of them, you are halfway there. You will learn to see yourself clearly for the first time, with no lies causing you to deflect and refuse to admit to your deep, dark core motives. And then you will have the emotional honesty required to identify your lower fixes without any self-delusions. At that point, you should be able to turn your broken attention to the missing fixes and your crap in those areas.

You cannot know yourself until you are brutally honest with yourself. That is the entire point of Enneagram. That’s why it exists. To expose all your self-delusions to you, so you can know what you are doing when you are doing it, and do something about it.

It’s good you are searching for the truth about yourself but you will get nowhere until you can be honest with yourself. I know being a 6 complicates it, but if I can do it, so can you. Truth be told, I would rather be anything but a 4. Part of me thought, “Oh, gee, they sound romantic and DEEP, man,” but 4 characters drive me frigging insane because they are SO DAMN MELODRAMATIC AND OVER-REACTIVE AND TORTURED AND PATHETIC that it felt like scraping my face on a cheese grater to admit that I am melodramatic and over-reactive and tortured and pathetic. I read through in-depth 4 chapters and while I can’t identify with everything, because I am not a core 4, I identify enough that it makes me wince – over and over, page by page. People who squeal, “OMG, SHE HAS MY CORE!!” have yet to face up to their own dirty laundry.

Since you mentioned “withdrawing from others in certain situations,” allow me to expound on that. A 4 plays stupid games with themselves which include jerking other people around. And by that, I mean when the 4 is with you, they can see all the ways you are not perfect and do not live up to their deep idealism, which causes them to have contempt for you. They treat you like crap, while longing for another relationship – basically, anything other than the one they have. When you abandon them, because they treat you like crap, suddenly they are full of intense longing for what they no longer have – which is you. So they will chase after you, because their entire emotional life is spent envying what they do not have and ignoring / failing to appreciate what they have.

An unhealthy core 4′s life is hell, because they keep doing this to themselves – and other people. Treating them like a yo-yo. Chasing, then hating, then chasing, then hating. Rohr talks about a woman who loathed her husband until he left her, then she desperately wanted him back – only to find out that “my love for him died the instant he entered the house.” It was her intense dramatic FEELINGS that she pursued, not a meaningful connection to her spouse.

You want a visual example? Scarlett O’Hara is a 3w4 with a strong 4 wing. She spends years married to Rhett, pining for Ashley – the person she cannot have. She could have total happiness with a man who adores her and will give her everything she wants, but instead she pines for Ashley and ignores / abuses Rhett’s love for her, failing to appreciate his generosity and love until she loses it, and then suddenly it’s all she wants. When Melanie dies, and she can have Ashley, suddenly Scarlett realizes she does not WANT Ashley. She wants Rhett – the man she now cannot have, because he has had enough of her crap and refuses to take it anymore. Him walking out makes her love him more, just like Ashley repeatedly telling her no made her want him more.

Ashley is also a 4 fixer. Pining for the old days. For Scarlett. Because she represents something beautiful in his eyes, a time that has gone. Granted, it’s hard to find anything to enjoy in that hellhole of post-war “ugh” but Ashley is still not living in the moment. He’s chasing dreams and things that do not exist. Not fully loving or appreciating Melanie, then falling apart after her death. (Melanie is a 2 fixer, btw. Note the difference in their approach to loving people. She loves where she is, in the moment. Every minute of every day. None of this “I hate you, go away… wait, I actually love you, come back” nonsense.)

Does any of that ring a bell with you? I wish it didn’t with me, but I have pulled that kind of crap on people. I have spent ages not appreciating the people I have and finding things to criticize about them, only to have them leave me and for me to suddenly be able to only think of the good things about them and how much I want them back and how my life was better before this and how sorry I am that I treated them that way. I once broke up with my best friend. We did not speak for over a year. Six months into it, I broke down in tears after spending the day with someone else – I could not appreciate the person I was with, since all I could think about was my ex-BFF and how much BETTER our conversation post-movie would have been. I look back on my last boyfriend with similar feelings – now he’s gone, I want him back. Except I don’t. I would still find the same flaws in him that I did the first time, once the rosy hue wore off. And in total truth, one reason I broke it off with him was I know I am not healthy in a 4 way, and I would rather not treat him like crap while I work on my health levels. Nobody deserves that kind of emotional mistreatment.

I am working to correct this, but I still catch myself doing it. Having perfectly good, decent, and wonderful people in my life and longing for someone else; if they left me, I would want them back. Except, when they returned, I wouldn’t. I am in love with the idea of something that does not exist. I look back on former friendships with rose-colored glasses and longing. But their return would remind me of their flaws. I would be happy for 12 minutes and then start criticizing them and longing for something else again. It’s bloody hard to admit that to myself, much less to all of you, but it has taken me thirty-five years to become aware of what I am doing when I do this, and to slap myself and tell myself to QUIT.

2′s do not play this game. Oh, no. 2′s have their own mind game. It’s called “I deserve your love because of all the nice things I do for you.” It’s called manipulation. It’s called you being dependent on me is what I want. Helping you seems like the right thing to do (and I tell myself I am doing it because I am a good person) but actually, I look down on you for needing my help, I expect you to give me something in return, and I WILL play the “AFTER ALL THE NICE THINGS I DO FOR YOU…” card if you do not. If you want a raw, brutal look at the sort of crap an unhealthy 2 can get up to, look no further than Bates Motel. You know Norma? I do. “If you really loved me, you would…” “After all the good things I do for you, Norman…” “Why won’t you help me? I AM YOUR MOTHER, I TAKE CARE OF YOU.” Whine, fuss, cry, tantrum, slam door, wait for child to come with hat in hand to beg forgiveness and do what she wants.

That’s an unhealthy 2 in all her glory.

Now, all the types have excellent traits. You should absolutely look into them. Healthy 4′s are not afraid to tackle dark things or to go through emotional times with other people. Healthy 2′s are the most generous, loving people on the planet. But when you focus only on their good traits, and overlook the bad things, you do not get a full picture. You get an attractive image you’d love to put in your online profile, that does not help you decide.

If you really want to know your heart type, ask yourself how you screw with other people and yourself. And it’s going to HURT, when you see your reflection.

To answer your initial question, a 6 should only be withdrawing if they feel threatened by someone. And then, that’s only the phobic 6. A threatened cp 6 will attack aggressively. All 6′s are withholding of themselves. Richard Rohr says you can know a 6 a long time without ever ‘knowing’ them because they reveal very little. But they will test you to find out if they can trust you.

If the 6 is helping out of loyalty, then this loyalty is limited to their friends, family, and close acquaintances, it will not extend beyond that like a 2 might. A 2 will see an opportunity to help as an inroad into a new relationship. 

- ENFP Mod

[serene-faerie]

If you're still doing the brutal honesty thing; RukiHime, RenIchi, TatsuKeigo, IchiNel and IshiNemu

Sure thing!

RukiHime: I love this ship so much, it’s adorable! And besides, I think it works well because they both care deeply about one another, and it totally goes against the haters’ claims of Rukia and Orihime being enemies over Ichigo. Why anyone would want to pit these two against each other is beyond me, and it’s seriously baffling to see people blatantly ignore evidence that Rukia and Orihime care about each other in favour of turning them into enemies and bashing one while putting the other on a pedestal (namely bashing Orihime while putting Rukia on a pedestal). And besides, it makes me gleeful knowing that Rukia herself would not tolerate anyone hating on Orihime. I also like imagining these two going out on dates, cuddling each other, and just being girlfriends in love. So I definitely ship RukiHime, both as a friendship and as a romance.

RenIchi: I like this ship just as much as my main OTPs, to be honest. I’ve always had a headcanon that Ichigo has a crush on Renji (and who wouldn’t?), and that he’s always been curious about dating him. I also like it as a BROTP as well, especially after Renji’s heartwarming speech to Ichigo towards the end of the manga. So it annoys me just as much when I see morons pit these two against each other for Rukia’s affections. And just like how Rukia won’t tolerate any dumb hatred towards Orihime, I know that Ichigo won’t tolerate hatred towards Renji either, so it’s a nice slap in the haters’ faces. As for an OTP, I definitely do enjoy shipping it as well, because I think they’d be super cute together. So yeah, RenIchi is definitely something I love just as much.

TatsuKeigo: I… I was never aware that this ship existed, so… I don’t really have any thoughts or opinions on it. Sorry about that…

IchiNel: I see it more as a BROTP than an OTP, to be honest. Would they make a cute couple? Sure, I guess. But again, I like seeing Ichigo and Nelliel as good friends, especially during the Hueco Mundo Arc, so I can’t really imagine shipping them. So I like IchiNel BROTP, but in terms of a romantic ship, I guess I’m somewhat indifferent to it.

IshiNemu: I totally ship it! Sure, they may have had only one significant interaction in the Soul Society Arc, but it was quite a profound meeting. I love how Ishida became protective over Nemu after seeing her get beaten by her own father, despite his own prejudice against Shinigami, because it says a lot about his character. And likewise, I really love how Nemu healed Ishida out of gratitude, despite the fact that they’re both enemies. I like to think that Nemu brings out a softer side in Ishida, much like how Orihime brings out Ichigo’s gentler side, and they could be one of the cutest couples ever! So yeah, I totally ship IshiNemu.

Thanks for passing by~! I really like doing this!