#and then he gets all sad because he just wants to be MANLY and MASCULINE 💔💔💔

[fffanii]

09.23.24

this is so dumb

[alphajocklover]

I've grown....tired of my life. Like, it's the same pointless thing day after day. Caring so much about making the world better. I work a sad little non profit. Living in the big city and making little money. I haven't been on a date with a gay in over a year. Straight guys have it so much easier. Sometimes I wish I was more like them...dumb... obnoxious and loud...always having some crude joke....hehe....that'd be fun...to be some loudmouth hot as hell straight comedian or some famous straight actor who could get away with whatever he wanted because he was dumb, hot and young. Like maybe a lean muscular dude or a big bodybuilding buff guy. It wouldn't matter just as long as you make me some obnoxious hot straight asshole.

You say you’re tired of your life… but I don’t think tired is the right word. The word tired suggests you‘ve used up all your energy, that you’ve reached the end of your endurance and need to stop. That’s not what’s happening here. You aren’t tired, you’re restless. It’s not that you’ve used up all your energy, it’s that you haven’t used any of it. You’ve been standing still, living the same life the same way for too long now, and now all that energy you were supposed to be using to be a real man has built up so much you’re about to burst, and as silly as it sounds I’m not speaking in metaphors. Masculinity has its own, literal, actual energy.

Not much is known about it. It’s been called a number of things throughout the years, one of the best known and crudest nicknames being ‘Big Dick Energy’. But what we do know is that it’s real, and you’ve built up quite a lot of it. That happens sometimes, when someone generates said energy but doesn’t actually use it by doing anything manly. See, every guy generates some, jocks generate a lot, sissys generate a little, and most people use just as much as they generate. But not you. You haven’t been using any of your energy, so it’s built up inside you and now… it’s going to burst out. From what you’ve told me it seems like you’re already experiencing the first symptoms. An urge to act manly, toxic and obnoxious. But that’s just the beginning. Soon the buildup will become too much, and it’ll take over.

The transformation will be almost instant. You’ll beef up, dumb down, and lose yourself in pure, toxic masculinity. It’ll come off of you in waves, and you’ll feel like it’s the greatest high of your life. But like every high it won’t last forever. Eventually, probably after a few weeks of fucking sluts and beating up nerds, you’ll run out of energy and go back to you’re regular self, probably confused and strangely horny. That doesn’t mean you’ll never see your straight douchebag self again. Once you’re overloaded by masculine energy once, it’s easier for it to happen again. Not only that, the next time it happens it’ll happen longer.

You could try to keep it from happening again. Do something manly regularly, something simple like watching sports or working out. Or you could let it happen again. Keep turning into a straight jock for longer and longer, until eventually you completely overload on it and end up like that permanently. Whatever choice you make, I’m sure you won’t be tired of your life anymore.

[thelostgirl21]

English Translators: "Jaskier" translates as "Buttercup", but we can't just let a manly man use "Buttercup" as his nickname! That's way too feminine, and our readers would be horrified! Let's call him "Dandelion" instead. Yes, much better... Mucho macho...

Netflix & Joey Batey: Yeah, no. We'll just call him Buttercup by keeping the original Polish name, i.e. Jaskier.

So, this is our very own Prince Buttercup. He's a damoiseau in distress that's regularly in need of being rescued, enjoys chatting with animals, and might randomly break into song.

He feels very comfortable asking a strong, stoic, muscular man to accompany him to the Royal Ball for protection, and will attempt to convince him by rubbing chamomile onto his lovely bottom, giving him a bath, washing his stupid hair, and dressing him up in stylish, fine clothing.

He tends to see the good in everyone, and will spontaneously attempt to become friends with things that want to eat him (both figuratively and literally).

However he can occasionally become pretty condescending with commoners, and treat those that fail to appreciate his talent as beneath him; often with a complete disregard for his personal safety, as if it doesn't seem to occur to him right away that they'd actually dare lay their filthy hands on him.

He cries very pretty (so pretty), and will look at you with gorgeous doe eyes when he feels sad, hurt, scared, or needs a favor.

He's very distrustful and afraid of power-hungry sexy witches coming at him from many different angles, until they stop being all predatory and menacing, and begin rescuing and protecting him instead.

He gets along very well with other princes/princesses, and will resent not being invited to one of the most important social events of the Continent, but not getting to spend more time with them.

And he never experienced what romantic love truly was until he finally got to meet his very own Prince.

Obviously, Prince Radovid fell in love with our Buttercup at first sight, and was willing to give up his Kingdom for a chance to be by his side.

And as far as Prince Buttercup is concerned, he sees himself as a

because that's simply who he is, and that's also what masculinity looks like.

So, unless Jaskier, in the books, is a very insecure man that constantly worries about being mistaken for a woman, I can't help but find it hilarious that the translators of the books, in English, got so worried over "Buttercup" sounding feminine...

...when the character himself likely wouldn't have been bothered by the way it sounds in the least, and would totally have rocked that nickname while making it work perfectly for a guy!

Hell! As a non-native English speaker, other than the fact that I've seen the movie "The Princess Bride", and the princess in it was named "Buttercup", my brain does not at all perceive "Buttercup" as inherently feminine, nor "Dandelion" as inherently masculine.

Perhaps because, in French, each word has its own gender, and "bouton d'or" (i.e. "buttercup", but the literal translation would be "button made of gold") is masculine.

Un bouton d'or (a buttercup) is masculine.

Un pissenlit (a dandelion) is masculine.

Une rose (a rose) is feminine.

Une tulippe (a tulip) is feminine.

Etc.

"Princess Buttercup" is thus named "Princesse Bouton d'or" (it's actually the title of the movie) in French.

But "Bouton d'or" (Buttercup) is, by itself, a masculine word.

The funny thing is that, where I'm from, I think the dandelion is literally the single most hated flower I can think of.

When I was a kid, my parents - and pretty much all our neighbors - spent countless hours trying to remove every single dandelion they could find on their lawn and in their garden while making sure to fully eliminate the whole root, because they tended to replace all the grass, and some of the other flowers and plants from their garden.

Some of our neighbors had their lawns treated with very harsh chemicals (many of which are thankfully illegal today) in a desperate effort to get rid of them.

Dandelion always makes allergy season a complete and utter nightmare, makes it harder to breathe outside (those floating bits clouding the air always get stuck in your nose, throat or even eyes), it also clogs the air filter of your car...

And, when you cut them at the stem, your hands wind up all sticky and smelling awful.

Unless they want to make a point that they'll be extremely annoying, unwanted, sticky, smelly, trying to get into every single exposed orifice of your body as soon as you're exposed to them, and hard to get rid of, why would anyone ever wish to nickname themselves "dandelion"?

I mean, "pissenlit", the French name for "dandelion", comes from "pisse-en-lit" and literally means "peeing-in-bed".

Because if you eat dandelion leaves, they will make you pee and wet your bed (they have a strong diuretic effect).

Yes, we hate the dandelion so much, that we've decided to name that freaking flower "peeing-in-bed".

So, if you go from the original Polish name to the English translation of the name, and then translate the English name back to French...

You've essentially replaced:

Jaskier - > Buttercup - > Button made of gold (Bouton d'or).

By

Jaskier - > Dandelion - > Peeing-in-bed (Pissenlit).

It's hilarious!

All because some English translator got scared "Buttercup" would sound "too feminine".

The good news is that we kept Jaskier's name as "Jaskier" in the French translation of the books and the games. Although Bouton d'or would have worked just fine.

But yeah, come on! Jaskier would have made a beautiful Buttercup!

#the art of creating some gender issue where there's none.

When in doubt, just ask the character...

Would Jaskier have had what it took to call himself a "Buttercup"?

You bet your lovely bottom and bloated biceps he would have!

Still can't wrap my mind around him being a peeing-in-bed flower in English... Just... Nope! Does not compute.

[plusvanity]

hey i'm curious to know what you think would happen if varg and marie broke up? i love reading your opinions <3

Well, first thing first, I don't think that they will ever break up. She is too well 'programmed', so to speak (it is sad) to see the world through her own eyes and realize the dubious choices that she made for both her and her children. However, exploring the wishful (unrealistic) thought that she would ever want to get away from Vikernes, this is how I see things:

Starting over again with 7 children is something that I can't even imagine how hard it is, plus the long-lasting emotional damage. You're left with no security, most times no financial support and no stability for what the future brings. Unfortunately, this is one of the crude reasons why many women would rather stay in an unsatisfying marriage that can even become toxic. She would have a hard time adapting to society (if she would ever consider that) and an even harder time to raise her offspring who had little to no real-world connection.

Now, what would happen with him would make a great documentary (half kidding).

Entering a narcissist's mind, you can tell with accuracy that his whole world would break down. Why? Because he invested every resource he had to make her be the wife that he wanted her to be. The process of grooming started quite early when she was still a child (16 if I remember correctly). The first thing people like him do is love-bombing, making their romantic interest feel like they are entirely perfect and the best candidate for them. This phase is ameliorated in time as routine and familiarity set in as well as boredom. Narcissists get bored so quickly if they are not simulated constantly, especially cerebral narcissists like how Vikernes seems to be.

Varg can have all the attention and admiration in the world, but if his prime source of narcissistic supply leaves him, he will suffer the greatest ego injury/ collapse of all times. Don't believe me, look up this phenomenon, and educate yourself.

Men like Varg have a very fragile ego that is protected by these alloplastic defenses (he searches for ways to manipulate the environment and people around him to meet his goals, he never works on himself. In fact, his personality issues are very resistant, almost immune to change. This is why you won't see narcissists in therapy. They are just perfect, everything is 'wrong' with the world.) These defenses are automatic and their role is to put a barrier between the real world (the concept of failing) and the fragile ego.

These men are highly neurotic, highly insecure on their own masculinity, poorly adaptive, highly dependent on people's perception of them (the irony is that narcissists come off as 'independent' most of the time), so Marie has the role of an emotional regulator for him. She is his biggest supporter, his cheerleader, his endless fountain of admiration and affection. She is his 'mother'.

I remember one time reading one of her Tweets in which she praised him for repairing their roof, literally making a post about something that everyone can do, especially men in a traditional marriage. I genuinely believe that Varg can't do shit around the house and Marie is the only one hard-working every day. Varg makes a cringy post every 2 hours, so I'm inclined to think that he stays inside most of the time and plays videogames. After all, that's how he enjoys life, he said on his blog that he doesn't want to work. Then, I remember a video that he made about repairing their fence and it was so 'interesting and applaudable as if he built a brick house on the spot. This is pathetic especially because he calls himself such a manly, primitive, strong, smart, (insert whatever adjective he wishes to be) man.

I have no doubt that what he thinks he does useful for his family's life he indeed believes it is useful and his wife praises him, keeps boosting his fragile ego all the time to keep the 'harmony' intact. This is such a common thing actually.

Marie is like his mother in a twisted way. The mother that is engaged with him, the mother that pays attention to him and loves him unconditionally, the mother who has an only child, the mother he never had. If she abandons him, it's all over. The shared fantasy, the 'we against the would' delusion, the perfect lie, everything is over.

I believe he would beg her to stay because contrary to popular opinions, narcissists do love (in a sort of twisted way), get attached to people just like little children do (mentally they rarely evolve beyond the age of 4-5 and Varg is not that miracle) and they cannot admit that they failed in life.

He made children with her, assured that they had just enough aspects that would keep them bound forever for the rest of their lives, and made her fall in love with a grandiose but ultimately a false image of a husband so she cannot leave him because without her he is nothing. This is not my brave assumption, this is the literature about narcissists' minds.

Would he find another wife, all the process will repeat, but I think that he would become even more paranoid about betrayal and more careful (cold) from then on. Would he try not to make the same mistake again, he will remain alone, tell the world that there is no good left in his 'kind' and become ever worse of a contemporaneous clown than he is now (which is hand to imagine but possible if given the right context).

In a way, Marie keeps him from being worse because she gives him the confidence that he desperately needs, affirms his atrocious opinions and loves him like she loves the rest of her children.

Edit: important disclaimer

I do not talk down the narcissistic personality disorder. Varg is an isolated/extreme case of malignant narcissists, and what I think about him does not apply to how I think about other people in this spectrum. There are characteristics that apply to all NPD individuals, and there are characteristics that apply to a smaller population.

No mental disorder justifies the inappropriate and literally dangerous behavior of some individuals. But the meant disorders can help identify the mentality behind a particular behavior.

I'm well aware that there are many people in the NPD community work on healing themselves, are mindful of their own behavior and are genuine.

Getting better and being the best version of yourself is the most honorable and responsible approach.

[gabessquishytum]

So I’m in a mental rut struggling with something that I know logically is kind of silly but my brain won’t cooperate and you KNOW my favorite coping mechanism is projecting on The Blorbos. So.

Trans!Dream who loves Hob’s body hair but also struggles with body image issues because even on T he barely got any body hair himself. As a boyfriend he appreciates how gorgeous Hob is but the gender envy sometimes creeps in and makes him insecure about his own lack of body hair and makes him worry he’s not masculine enough.

Eventually Hob figures out what’s going on and does everything he can to comfort Dream that he’s perfectly handsome and manly just the way he is 💕

-🦇

Always project on the blorbos, my friend! It's the answer to everything <333

Dream is so valid for this btw. Its very understandable to both admire and envy the qualities that your partner has! Still, Dream feels bad about it and tries to hide his emotions. Luckily Hob is pretty perceptive, and he sees Dream’s sad little glances.

He initially offers to shave his whole chest rug off - he really wouldn't mind! But Dream is like "absolutely NOT that would be a CRIME" and so they sit down together to think of other solutions. Maybe they can talk to Dream’s doctor about encouraging more body hair growth. And if that doesn't work out, well, that's okay. Because Hob loves, adores Dream, no matter what. Even if he turned into a worm overnight, Hob would keep him in a little worm habitat and take care of him forever.

He makes Dream promise to tell him when the feelings get particularly overwhelming, because all he wants is to be able to help. He knows that he can't fix the way Dream is feeling, but that isn't the point. He wants to sit with his beloved during those emotions, and remind him that he isn't alone. Cause Dream is his man, and that's the most important thing in the world.

[blubushie]

tbh, as a woman who hangs out in communities where alot of middle aged men are guaranteed to gather around, you really hit the nail on the head. i've yet to find a tf2 fic that actually captures that male camaraderie that i've seen from the men around me.

Also, knowing this is the queer website and that much of the TF2 fandom is transmasc, I'm gonna address this so these kids can't go "I don't do that!! I'm a man!! I know what men act like because I-"

Men in queer spaces don't act the same way in the queer space as they do outside of it. I know I don't, cuz people get judgy. Queer community does not like men or masculinity. If you look too much like a man, or act too manly/boyish, or engage in male behaviours even with other men, they will look down on you. The only acceptable men are behaviorally effeminate, androgynous white twinks. If you divert from this in any way—too masculine, too POC, too physically male, too tall or fat or broad—they will treat you like a predator.

So a lot of these people, if they are interacting with men, are often interacting with other young transmascs who aren't socialised in male behaviour yet (usually online), or with men in queer spaces only—men who are masking. And they think men are just like this all the time.

And any man who doesn't play up the effeminate harmless uwu-shyboy persona is now scary or being toxically masculine because he's engaging in friendly ribbing with another man while being in a queer space.

I noticed it especially when me and an older bear went to a queer event (separately, we didn't come together) and he was practically ostracised because he's tall and bearded and bald and hairy and fat and very obviously male. And it turns out he was a trans man and he felt he didn't have a place in this event because everyone shunned him, or somehow managed to bring up toxic masculinity and how they don't feel safe with men in certain spaces, all in front of him while very obviously targeting him. The younger transmascs, of which there was quite a few, agreed with this. They ALSO didn't feel comfortable with him there because he was TOO male despite being just as queer as the rest of them (if not more—he was in his 50s and the oldest person there and had been out since his early 20s, so he defo had the most life experience of everyone there as far as the trans folk were concerned).

So naturally he and I hit it off. We separated off from the group, got drinks, and spent the afternoon in the corner, just us, discussing boats and fishing and lightly ribbing each other and laughing to ourselves while everyone else kept giving us glares and side-glances. Men are not welcome in queer spaces. Masculinity is not welcome in queer spaces. People treat ANY instance of masculinity as toxic. And so these young transmascs lost out on a perfect opportunity to see how men actually interact with each other, because the only other men they're actually interacting with are other trans men who don't know how men socialised as male act either.

It's kinda sad, in a way. Cuz they're gonna continue not knowing, and when the day comes they're gonna be blindsided and not know a fucken thing about how to be men in social environments because they don't wanna listen to or observe other men, not even the transmascs what came before them. Masculinity scary or some shit. And this is why it's SO IMPORTANT to have people outside of your familiar circle or your social group or your echo chamber as friends. It's why you should befriend your elders and learn from them, not shrink in fear cuz beards are scary or something. Not everyone can be a skinny white transmasc twink and not everyone WANTS to be. Masculinity is NOT a bad thing.

Anyway rant over. Point is these people don't know what male comraderie looks like cuz they don't actually put themselves out there to experience or observe it. Or even just engage in media where it's plainly showcased. 🤷‍♂️

[1996harvest]

nottemdude brainrot....

under 18 dni // nsfw rambles ahead // dont like? block me

tagging just for reach since i have no mutuals yet,,, (i'll stop tagging after a few posts i proomiisseee)

this is a tamer post that covers a lot of non-nsfw headcanons as well but expect my posts to get a bit... heh.... 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 as i continue posting LMFAO

ugh all day today i could NOT stop thinking about dude & nottem. just imagining dude bending nottem over a table and making nottem take him raw, causing nottem to leave scratches in the wood <3 nottem wouldn't be very vocal, letting out totally-super-manly grunts unlike dude who i'd imagine is very comically vocal purely to piss off the neighbors

realistically dude is not that good of a performer, but a guy can daydream, right?

also, in the game (and the comics, for those who didnt know they exitsed) nottem is shown to be some big manly man (see: that frame in SUBSCRIBE OR DIE where he's... shirtless... for some reason????) but im of the opinion that hes a big sissy when it comes to dude. i like the headcanon that he became a mass murderer because of dude, and that hes actually just a big dude fanboy lol :P nottem being such a big fan would freak the fuck out of dude at first, but he'd probably stop caring after like, an hour of this emo freak following him around and begging for attention like a sad puppy.

so, obviously, since he's just such a big fan of dude, he would love to serve! i'd imagine him being at dude's beck and call for whatever... always on his hands and knees ready to serve (even at inopportune times or places) (scratch that, ESPECIALLY at inopportune times and places. dude's probably into some weird shit like that) i dont know whether he'd be more into praise or degrading, probably a mix of both depending on the day.

when they first meet, dude would be his friend at first, but both men being abhorrently touch starved it would go from "friends" to "friends with benefits" pretty quickly. they'd call each other boyfriends if nottem wasn't so internally homophobic, he'd probably say some shit like "dude is the only guy im gay for, so im basically not gay at all" but is also the same type of guy to be REALLY grossed out if a woman after flirted with him. dude would probably use that fact to tease nottem, forcing nottem say he's gay while fucking into him like a rabid animal or calling him things like "my girl" and other feminine nicknames to get him worked up.

(alternatively instead of being an asshole, he just calls nottem fem nicknames because nottem likes them better than masculine ones, for whatever reason that may be! whether its a gender thing or just something he enjoys :-)~

i really want to write a fanfiction about them but recently whenever i write smut, i really hate how it comes out... but ill be honest these two have been stuck in my mind for the entire day!

if anyone has any other nottemdude scenarios (fluff, smut, angst... mix of all three, i dont care!) feel free to leave them in my inbox (wink wink nudge nudge)

also guh this is my first post on this account so im a bit shy :pleading_emoji: but i'll probably get more graphic and writer-esque as i get used to this or as people leave feedback!

i'll try not to spam the tags toooo much lol just tagging for reach since im new and i need mutuals :broken_heart:

[fandomfluffandfuck]

S that latest poll answer makes me sad for you. Did that inspire that fic you wrote about Sebastians body image and thr beetle?

related to my tags on this poll & this fic of mine "The Kids Aren't Alright"

This gets personal and kind of intense, so it goes below the cut!

Trigger warning for discussion of general poor mental health, depression, suicidal ideation/self harm, eating disorders, body image issues, etc.

The short answer is an overwhelming yes.

"The Kids Aren't Alright" was very much something that I wrote because it struck a chord in me--Sebastian talking about his experience with body dysmorphia always hits home for me as a guy with body dysmorphic disorder, and the first time I heard Mackie admittedly very affectionately teasing him, saying he got stuck in the VW Beetle, I was a little horrified, I mean, secondhand embarrassement, imagining embarrasment so vividly it was horrible, really. So, naturally, I had to make it into a fic.

Also, I hope you don't mind, sweets, before going on, I'm adding onto your ask with another that I got even more recently:

youre very generous with what you share, so ignore this if im over the line, but its mens mental health month and that suicidal ideation post made me think of your mental health, whats been your experience with it?? i dont have a lot of men in my life who are willing to share with me, so i thought i would ask you 🥰🥰 please delete this if youre uncomfy tho

which is related to this

Both of you are such sweethearts!

Thanks, though, I don't exactly try to share a shit ton 🤷🏻‍♂️ I guess, eh, being somewhat anonymous in this corner of the internet yet being honest in the form of the spectrum of emotion from raw feral angst to private domestic fluff to shameless shut coaxes me into being so forthcoming? Not that I'm, like, super reserved otherwise, lmao.

I'll start with a short answer again before I go into deeper detail, which is just to say: my experience with it has been rough. I, a queer man, grew up in a small, red town with a very traditional family, so... yeah. It was not fun.

Okay, longer answer now because when given the opportunity, I. will. yap.

I think I will start with masculinity here because I feel as though a lot of my experiences with mental health and issues with my body tie directly into my masculinity. I don't have problems with being a man, I love being a man, it's who I am, I just don't love some of the expectations of being a man on a grand societal and interpersonal level, y'know?

Masculinity, to me, was always presented as the thing you have to be or else. Or else my parents were disappointed; or else the other boys wouldn't like me; or else I felt bad about myself: or else there must be something wrong with me; or else I must be gay; or else.

I have older siblings, and my older brother was in Boy Scouts when we were kids. Both of my parents fucking love the outdoors. So, of course, they loved that. My dad, specifically, spent all his time doing Scouts shit with my brother or organizing similar activities just for them when not at work. (I had a traditional western family unit, my dad worked, my mom was a stay-at-home mom.) And while I do enjoy the outdoors and camping and hiking and all that, just in smaller doses, I never wanted to join Scouts. I nearly immediately attached myself to art, so I just didn't have the interest. I can't do art if I'm outside digging in dirt, fighting with sticks, practicing knots, doing target practice, and backpacking (or whatever else the boys in the troop were doing), can I? That meant, if I wanted to draw or do crafts or something creative, I was inside, and my mom was looking after me and my sister while my dad and brother were out.

That did not sit well with my dad. He wanted me outside, joining Boy Scouts and fixing cars, playing mechanics with my brother. I did not want to. He tried very hard to get me to be as interested in more stereotypically manly activities with him and my brother, and it didn't work.

I'm just more artistic. That was always a clear disappointment.

To add on, as I grew up, I was not physically traditionally masculine, either. I've cracked jokes here and there that I'm not too dissimilar to pre-serum Steve before. It's not far off. I'm about 5'6", a little taller, and skinny.

I grew up waiting desperately for puberty, waiting for my muscles and growth spurt and... it didn't happen. My voice dropped way deep (which meant it cracked wildly and super noticeably, and, of course, I got shit for it), and I enjoyed that. I never had a pressing issue with my dick, I mean, I would hazard a guess that anyone with a dick worries about size at some point just because that's something etched deep in social sexuality, but I had more pressing things to obsess over. Like, at first, when body hair started to kick in, I was psyched to see it, and then it kept coming and suddenly guys in the locker room were pointing it out and making fun of me for being a "little guy" with so much body hair. Puberty also did fuck my face up with acne which destroyed a lot of my self-esteem, too. I had to go on Accutane not once, not twice, but three times. I still have a robust routine to keep my skin clear (but it is clear these days and I'm still reeling thinking about it, it took someone telling me I had really nice skin for me to snap out of it and realize I wasn't still covered with acne, actually. And that was recent!).

I didn't have my pre- to post-serum sudden increase in height and muscle moment, so I continued to feel scrawny and weak. Having pectus excavatum, a birth defect where my sterum curves in instead of going down in a straight line, never helped, either--I got made fun of for that, of course. I remember a comment about how one guy in a locker room wasn't going to dare to hit me/slap me on the back because he would clearly just break me... yeah, that didn't help feeling like the odd one out, unmasculine, fragile, and unattractive.

My self-esteem is much better these days, I will gladly say, but I genuinely used to get sick to my stomach just thinking about what I looked like, never mind actually looking in the mirror. I felt horrible that I had to go out in public and subject people to looking at my face. I'm an avid journal-er, and I have old entries where I just go on and on and on and on about how I felt like a monster. Disgusting and hideous.

It doesn't matter that I know, objectively, that I have a fairly masculine and even an attractive face. My jaw is square, I can grow a beard, I have a deep voice, my eyes are green, I've been very lucky to have straight, white teeth without braces and all that. Plus, people seem to like my cheekbones and curly hair. My voice, too, people seem to enjoy my voice and my mouth. So, evidently, others seem to appreciate my face. So many people spread over so many years have no real reason to lie. I'm complimented. I've not had problems when it comes to dating and relationships or whatever. Yet still, it's just not what I see. I say I know objectively what I look like because I know facts about myself, but I...

I don't really know what I look like, if that makes sense? My reflection shifts a lot, over the years I have had a problem with every part of my face, every part of my body, and I know I can't trust what I see in the mirror. I fixate on things, and it consumes my viewing experience.

Part of the consequences of all... that... all those issues above have been my experience with eating disorders. I've had some fun [sarcastic] mix of orthorexia, binge eating disorder, and anorexia over most of my conscious life. From the moment I was aware of myself and my own body, I've had problems fueling my body. It's a cycle over years and years that's been going on since late elementary school (around 10, 11), where I'm fucking sick and tired of feeling weak and useless and not masculine, so I push myself too hard in the gym and kitchen--working out until I'm physcially ill, blacking out, blistering from running and lifting, I've torn a few things that way, while obsessing with healthy foods at the same time to the point that it's unhealthy. That happens for however long I can take it. Then, eventually, I break. And I get into a cycle of binging that destroys my ability to go to the gym, so it's just binging. Cycles of it, uncontrollable. That morphs into feeling too big and disgusted with myself in the opposite way that I started with, so my brain fixates on restricting. What goes up must come down, though, so with enough of that... then I feel too small again and, yeah. It starts over. 🙃

I have worked very hard to break it with the help of friends and a short lived experience with therapy (he was a terrible therapist, then my insurance stopped covering it, so I couldn't afford to go or find a new one), but I've--dare, I say--gotten into some kind of balance more recently.

To end on perhaps a hilariously on-theme note and something happier, what I have found is that sex helps. Therapy and supportive friends and good environment are obviously irreplaceable. But, sex is good, too. When I was in the thick of all that, younger with my mental health challenges way more out of control, I'm sure I was just getting away from the numbness and hurt--endorphins, oxytocin, y'know, all that.

Then, I'm sure it was added to by the fact that suddenly, with sex, women (I am queer but when I started fucking around, I only felt safe enough to be with women, I didn't think I could be out where I was, and now... that's just the way it's worked out. It happens to have been women) were enjoying me. Enjoying what I could give them. Complimenting me explicitly or implicitly. Saying I'm hot or, clearly, if we're having sex, I'm not so disgusting that you don't want to fuck me.

But, sex helps beyond those rudimentary things, too. Finding kinky people and sex-positive people has inadvertently led me to find body positive people and find examples of real bodies--people really actually enjoying themselves. Spending more time naked is beneficial, too, haha. Slowly, I'm learning to appreciate myself more. This is my body. It's the only one I have to live in, I may as well make peace with it. And I will take the pleasure that my body can give others. I appreciate that I can do that. I like making people feel good, I like having their faith put in me to make them feel good and treat them and their bodies well, like they're desired, or not 😏, depending on what they're into. I want to pull that pleasure out of them. I want to make them feel good, bad, whatever. I want them to feel in their body.

Did that answer the question, lmao? I just rambled 💀💀

[lurksunderthebed]

Funnily enough i had a long ass convo with one of the dudebros that just decided to drop by and comment how Ghost and Soap are NOT GAY!!! on one of the comment's that initially didn't even mention anything about them like that other than saying "they could have been friends or something more like romantic", and this guy just lost it. Problem with them is they wanna latch onto their "role" models so desperately it threatens their masculinity when someone dares to read these characters as anything other than cis het man.

Bear with me it's gonna be one long ass essay; The need to gatekeep a certain character because their views don't aling with how the rest of us choose to interpret them because according to them, their view is a fact but ours that's not aligning with their bias is a headcanon, make it make sense. Saying and seething that "Ghost isn't GAY!!!" isn't a fact, that sounds like an agenda to me because seeing Ghost as a bi/pan anything else doesn't count in the "manly man" category for toxic dudebros because masculine men only are allowed to dominate and bang women, right? It just shows how simple minded and uneducated the lot of them really are. Cannot fathom man and a woman having a platonic bond without saying "yeah they're polygamous, that's a thing in military for men to have side bitches" whilst defending fiercely Ghost and Soap as being anything other than "bros" because they feel attacked.

Don't get me started on the whole double standard issue either; it's very hot and cute when Ghost threatens Milena but it's disgusting and no no for Ghost and Soap who literally have an established bond between them and clearly care for one another. Same goes for Valeria, they were ready to pair her with Soap just because it was a woman and a man. A man has to bang chicks lol/ This philosophy is so tiring and dumb that it just shows you how a cis het man actually sees women. And i'd go as far as to say it implies misogyny aswell. Take that as you will. But this issue is present in every sort of fandom whose target audience is mostly basement dwellers that rely on their mums for a brand new GPU.

I think the whole thing has to do with projection. When it comes to people who lash out and get ridiculously upset about these sorts of things, especially about a FICTIONAL character it's cause they view it as an attack on themselves.

Which is all sorts of sad, because we're not talking facts here or canonical events, it's about how those fans see themselves in their fav characters.

As I said earlier, you could read into people's sexualities all you want. Aside from Laswell hilariously enough, there isn't any definitive proof of het/gay/etc in any character in 141. If there was, you bet my overly analytical self would find it and make a note of it for Ghost or Soap.

There's arguably more proof on Ghost being queer than him being straight/het which is the funniest thing. The easiest read is him being just not interested in people as a whole, especially with how much he doesn't really interact with others personally (outside of Soap).

Personally, I think when it comes to those sorts of people it's best to just leave it be. No amount of actual factual basis or any sort of reason will change their minds. Because it's not the characters in question that is the issue, it's themselves as people that push their own agenda into it.

Again irony at its finest. For all the people out there upset at those pushing the "gay agenda" onto these characters, it's really themselves pushing their own values onto them. Realising this would require more self reflection than most of that vocal fanbase actually have.

[bakusquad-headcanons]

The Bakusquads Music Taste

I was thinking about this on the bus awhile back before school vacation, and just now im deciding to share my thoughts!

Bakugou:

I believe Bakugou would listen to hard rap. He works out a lot, so he probably listens to music that fits the vibe and gets him pumped y’know? HOWEVER, i also believe he listens to rock. the grittiest, edgiest, stuff. MCR, Get Scared, others with similar sounds. He doesn’t listen to pop, but some songs he likes (you’d have to catch him dead before he ever admitted it tho lol). I think he’d prefer masculine voices over feminine ones, but i think he could vibe to a female singer.

Kirishima:

He doesn’t listen to anything sad, he doesn’t want his mood to drop. Like Bakugou, he listens to music that pumps him up. Unlike him tho, it isn’t hard rap. It’s songs like Hall of Fame, Believer, For the Glory, Fight Song, etc. He has a preference for masculine voices because MANLY. He doesn’t mind female singers tho.

Kaminari:

Kaminari definitely listens pop. Songs about love and sex specifically. Bros trying to have his rizzlor dreams, yknow? Although, i do also believe he listens to alternative rock and other genres that i can’t think of the names rn lol. I’m thinking songs like Dear Maria Count Me In (All Time Low), Mr. Brightside (The Killers), Afraid (The Neighbourhood), Mr. Bigshot (Anarbor), etc. He likes both feminine and masculine voices

Mina:

She 100% listens to pop and the such. Cardi B, Ariana Grande, Megan Thee Stallion, The Weeknd, Lil Nas X, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Doja Cat, etc. Songs about being a girboss, things that hype up self-confidence, or just things that are really fun to dance to. Speaking of songs to dance to, she definitely listens to genres like hip-hop, dance, or really anything upbeat and danceable. prefers feminine voices over masculine, but is fine with either. 

Sero:

Honestly, i think his playlists would be all over the place. You’d go from listening to Doja Cat, to Destiny’s Child, to Mother Mother, to Juan Luis Guerra, to KISS, and etc. I think his music would get so weird that eventually songs from Jack Stauber would show up. Bro is not restrained by any means, he will listen to anything he can hum to. He listens to any kind of voice, doesn’t matter to him.

honestly it would be pretty interesting to see yalls headcanons about this, so feel free to comment or something!

[truemalespirit]

Helping a friend with his Date

- Do you think this outfit looks good on me?

Along with the message was an image, although it took a few seconds to download. Sure enough, it was him, a pale, milky-skinned guy with a healthy build, but not at all muscular. As he was standing in front of the mirror (even in the image you could see the edge of the mirror) with the cell phone trying to get as much as possible, although covering much of his face.

- mmm…

I didn't know what the occasion was about. So I let him know.

- Are you going to a party or something?

He was slow to respond, although I knew he was struggling whether to tell me or not, because the little “Typing” sign popped up, then changed to “Online”, then back to “Typing”, then back to “Online” again. I decided to write. I opted for the humor option, though.

- Bro, I'm afraid of the whole set of words you seem to be writing X, D.

That seemed to get his attention since it took him less time to reply. Well, he was going to send me a whole paragraph.

-I'm going to a restaurant.

Okay, he didn't expect that. A smile of joy formed on his face, since the three years he had known him, it was a miracle that he left home on his own, not because he was shy or anything like that, his friend just preferred to stay at home.

- A miracle has happened!

Although curiosity and strangeness were not long in coming.

>> ...No!! !wait a second!! you. go out?! Who are you? and what did you do with my friend?!:C

he laughs at his own joke, although I looked at his phone screen with growing interest, this was something that needed his full attention. He didn't take that long to answer.

-I'm still me, no one has kidnapped me, though now I want to know how much you would give for my ransom.

I wasn't going to let him change the subject so easily. I wasn't going to allow it.

-A dollar and now tell me why you're going to a restaurant?

Now I take longer to answer.

- you are a AH. I don't cost that little either, at least I get a hamburger and a soda.

>>And... I... meet… someone.

And he said it in three different messages, you can tell it cost him. But the joy of the news flooded him, his fingers typed fast. He needed to know more.

- My baby is growing!!! And who is the lucky one? - I was a little hesitant before sending the message, because I wanted to make sure who would be his date. Because, yes, his friend throws them both ways. And I didn't want to sound disrespectful.

- That's him. I haven't known him long, though, but I don't think it will last.

Oh no, that's not a good indication.

- Why?! -Do you get any sense that he's a weirdo?

- Nono. It's not that, it's just that he's already told me he's attracted to “masculine” men.

As sad as it sounds, everyone has their preferences. And I'm not calling my friend fat, even though he spends most of his time at home, he makes an effort to maintain a healthy diet, even though he's not the exercising type. I was going to help him with this, he deserves to be happy. I held up my hand, watching her as I thought about how she uncorked a bottle, imagining how some sort of bluish-greenish smoke began to drift out. Now said smoke I shifted it towards my hand, visualizing it in a way that surrounded it. I began to write on the screen.

- So what are your “manly boy” preferences?

Again the “typing” text.

- Well he likes men with beards.

- And what do you have? It's not that protruding, but you do, or does he prefer lumberjack beards or Santa Claus style?!

- And I don't plan to have it that way, thank you, no thank you. But that reminds me, I have to fix it.

Two different messages, although when I read the second one I laughed. I proceeded to write.

- Thanks, it's my pleasure to help

- And what else?

- He likes men with broad shoulders.

- Man, you don't even walk in normally, you have to walk in half sideways.

He decided to mess with his friend.

- Or did you forget that I once saw you hit yourself with both sides of the door frame?

- How could I forget that day, you kept picking on me for that.

- You know you could have stopped me, your arms are big enough to break heads. - though I added X,D at the end of the sentence.

- Despite what you tend to think, it's not quite like that.

- We're getting off topic. See? You're using your hypnotic abilities, I knew you had them.

His friend wrote “Hahaha”

- I wish I had those skills.

- You already have two. What more do you want to have?!

- And you tare with that again, I already told you I don't have any. - it finishes with an angry emoji.

- Do I have to remind you how the girl stared at you and then looked at herself? Or how women used to spank you?

- Please don't remind me of that again.

- Sorry.

>>Also, do you have great legs, or did you forget that you walked the Camino de Santiago three times.

Then I scrolled up the screen, scrolling through the messages we had written in the thirty minutes since the conversation started. And there it was, the picture he had sent me before. Although now it had changed, as I expected it to. He was no longer dressed as I expected, now he was just standing in front of the mirror, looking straight ahead, or facing the camera. And the truth is that the changes were somewhat different from what I had planned. Although the first thing I noticed was that he now possessed a more commanding presence, which made him look more mature than the young adult in his mid-twenties. The next change to stand out at a glance was his neck, having thickened more than usual, probably to better adapt to the new body. The veins were marked, showing the low percentage of fat he had on his arms. The chest, as I had mentioned, was a set of pecs, which were quite prominent, accompanied by a set of abs.

A layer of hair covered his pecs, giving them more volume, and with a trail of hair descending towards the crotch, covered by the boxers. And although the picture didn't show it, the way the fabric of the garment stretched. It gave her an idea of the size of his member.

He couldn't notice anything else, but from the description in which He had given the messages, He didn't need to check.

From an early age I knew He had powers, although the correct term is magic use. His mother informed me about it when he began to manifest it around the age of seven. She instructed him on how to handle and use it.

Although he wasn't going to play the saint, saying he hadn't altered the bodies of several people throughout his life, both for good and bad, but he is sure more than one, learned their lesson for trying to get smart with him (literally and metaphorically speaking). But always being part of the possible culprits in order to get away with it.

And that also includes more than one teacher, and principal.

But as is the universal law “for an action, there is a reaction”. And the use of my powers are no exception.

Now came the part he liked least about his powers. The price to pay for modifying a person's body. The memories.

Since, although the physical part has been changed, he had to change the memories, so as not to cause incongruities, and what would lead to the individual to realize the changes. That is why he also had to change the memories.

And even if he didn't like it, if he didn't do that, there could be problems. Fortunately not fatal (although he would not gamble).

He repeated the method of activating his magic again, although this time the flame was not a whitish-blue color. He moved his hand to the screen, pressing the keys on the keyboard. Before his fingers touched the screen he hesitated, but took a deep breath, exhaled, and with that, began typing on the screen.

- Dude, I know you're not the smartest, but as you're telling me you don't know what to wear.

- Hey! Just because I got a B- on a test doesn't make me a bad student.

And then it showed up.

The prick on the side beats in his head, let out a whimper of pain. Squeezing his forehead and applying pressure as if that would do any good.

He felt the memories of his friend and him comparing exams, being that previously it was A and A-, rippling and distorting like the surface of water being interrupted, towards a B-. Remembering the surprised look on his face and how he himself had also been surprised by the grade, as we both started to check the reason why he got less than he should have.

Reality molded itself to fit how that memory affected not only that moment, but a series of subsequent events, how nervous he was about telling his parents, the failed attempt to talk to the teacher about where he had failed, how he told her the next day that his father had scolded him and made him bend his elbows during that week.

However, after so much stress, he had a panic attack, causing his parents to take him to the emergency room because they didn't know how to treat him. Informing him the next day that they got him into a sports club to get rid of some of the stress.

And because of that, he got some relief from anxiety. Albeit in a healthier way.

Something she kept up until she finished college, where unlike her unaltered version she had only managed a few encounters with people, without her parents knowing about it. But she had not told him either.

In the new one, he recalls all the chaos that was generated, memories appeared of him informing him, with some doubt it must be said, that he had experienced more.

Then a feeling of sadness came over him, having to bring his hand to his chest, squeezing the fabric of his shirt. He remembers how he stopped insisting as much as before to stop meeting. To count on him.

So he went on with his normal student life, although he felt like in the original line, classes did not change (and less the mountain of work they had to do). Being that day he decided to do a video game night, he even remembers what he would play, Batman Arkam Asylum on emulator.

Leaving an earphone out in case something happened, his mother taught him that trick after much nagging.

He heard the knock on the door three times. He left the game, approaching the door to open it. Wondering who it might be about. His surprise was evident when he found his friend standing there.

He remembers how he asked “What do you want?” being as curt as possible. And how his friend tried to ask to speak inside his room while refusing. Though after insisting, and other roommates coming out to see what was going on, hesitating to see if they had to call the floor manager.

Finally he let him in.

He stood in the doorway while the opponent stood in the middle of the room, looking around, avoiding looking at him. He stared, impatiently.

- Well, if you're not going to say anything, you can go. -Remembering to make his point, he opened the door, motioning for him to leave. The other man stammered, trying to buy himself some time, though all he seemed to do was that the words just wouldn't come out. Which only irritated him.

Seeing that they didn't come out, he paused for a second to take a deep breath, filling himself with courage. And he looked at him, even though his gaze seemed determined, his insecurity was palpable.

- The reason we hadn't seen each other was because I was experimenting.

The reaction he apparently had in this reality felt horrible, as he felt as if he was minimizing his friend's words. Contracting his shoulders, accompanied by an indifferent “Aha”.

But he seemed to want to keep talking. Proceeding to apologize. Even though he didn't believe them.

Although he was relieved, and happy that the opponent had apologized to him, but he was angry at the moment. Downplaying the importance of the matter and that these things happened, people change and so do tastes and that it is something that usually happens.

His friend refuted, explaining that it was not about tastes, and he was quite nervous, being that he was scratching his arm a lot as if he had too much itching.

- I mean… I'm bisexual.

I look at him with uncertainty. Letting out a laugh, but full of malice, he proceeded to explain that it was not an excuse for his behavior, but that he understood that he wanted to change his life and he respected that.

He vehemently denied it, proceeding to explain the whole situation and how he was conflicted about his sexuality, acknowledging that his actions were not good at all. But he was asking for another chance to prove that he wanted to remain her friend.

He looked at him without any conviction, but something inside him, whether it was his desire that his friend was telling the truth or that he was tired. He agreed.

- Do you want to play or do something? -He asked, in an attempt to demonstrate his change.

- Don't push it.

Although his look seemed to be that of someone in pain, he nodded accompanied by a “I Understand”.

As she stood in the hallway, he turned in her direction, though he was just about to close the door.

-See you tomorrow.

The truth is that at that moment she totally doubted it, and she let him know it. But he assured her that he would make it right, assuring her that he would keep his word. And boy, did he keep his word.

Even if he had things to do, he always made sure to show her that he had time, even if that ended up in her having to sit him down and assure him that she wasn't pushing herself to where he was. Which, although his friend denied it, did make the friendship not feel like an obligation.

And he remembers where getting some more of his work, he didn't have as much time as before, but he got a job in the field that he kept, which he knew hadn't changed, but he could tell he had gotten more benefits and more promotions for his physique. He didn't envy him.

He was still amazed at how much one thing had triggered so many changes.

It was true what his grandmother used to say about time altering, it's not the big events that change, it's the small actions. Emphasizing to her that they should be careful about it when using their gifts. After what felt like hours, the prickling stopped, she dropped her head against the back of the couch, placing her forearm over her face. She sighed in relief and exhaustion.

Then her phone rang. I patted the surface of the couch a few times looking for it, not pulling my arm away, but leaving just enough room to see the phone screen.

Another message had arrived, but my eyes shifted to find out how long it had been since I decided to make the switch.

<<18:46>>

Three minutes had passed since I made the change, maybe less. But it felt like it had been much longer. BZZZ

The phone rang again, he didn't feel like answering it, but he had a feeling it was his friend.

Without raising his head from his position, he lifted the cell phone to the level of his face, being able to observe the notification on his phone. It was from his friend.

He grunted, psyching himself up to answer. He opened the phone.

- Then can you tell me what clothes I could wear?

I closed my eyes tightly to get rid of what was left of the remaining headache. He took a deep breath and started typing on the keyboard.

- Sure, but I need to know, is this a love date or a one-night stand?

The typing text reappeared.

-In principle it's a “we'll see what comes up” date.”

-In that case, a blue, red wine red or reddish orange shirt and your Beige pants.

-Thanks buddy!!! You saved me.

He had done more than save him, but the truth is that the contrary had to experiment.

-let me know how is going, in the meantime I'm going to lie down for a while because my head hurts a lot.

While he waited, he got up from the sofa and headed for the bedroom.

BZZZ

He felt his cell phone vibrate, looked at the screen again as he sat down on his bed.

-Take a pill for the headache.

He wasn't going to, but the contrary didn't need to know that.

Send a thumbs-up emoji. He closed the phone, depositing it on the bed. He needed to rest.

[offbeat-manga-ships]

i've finished shikimori-san and it might be a little pathetic of me to say, but what i'm most glad about is that at pretty much no point did it ever feel like a chore to read it! i'm not very good with long manga. i wouldn't say i'm a person who can't focus, i'm actually pretty good at sitting down and just getting on with it once i put my mind to it, but it does at some point start feeling like work and err how many chapters until the end again and that kinda stuff. (i guess since i havent concerned myself with popular manga for more than a decade now, the stuff i read is just way shorter).

but, as i was saying, this manga knew exactly how to pace itself. usually i'm suspicious of short chapters. a long run can break the rhythm of a manga that supports itself in small-to-medium bites. but this manga knew what it was doing from the get-go. the author never used anything as a crutch. it stayed true to character interactions and even character development. i have to say i teared up more than one time because of the pure feelings of youthful wholesome slice-of-life. i remember seeing that anime called tsuki ga kirei years ago and not being on board with all the praise and how it was pretty much called the epitome of young japanese love and student life. well. this manga is my tsuki ga kirei. it made surprised how emotional i felt at some points and how it made me remember my own high school days.

i think there is an argument to be made that it might be a little too wholesome. but rather than think that is a flaw, i think it's just one of those things that is not exactly my cup of tea, but if i'm gonna try it, i'm glad that it was exactly like this. if you're gonna make wholesome overload, i think this is how you should do it. for all that this manga is drama-free and filled with good kids doing good in life, the author still took care to establish their bonds in interesting ways and flesh out their personalities. it's not just because they're all extremely good people that they have to be boring.

i also can't say i'm surprised, but i'm still disheartened by complaints about the main character, izumi yuuki. i don't stick around to read bad comments, but i've been seeing floating around how people think he's too weak and wimpy. and the thing that bothers me the most about these comments is that it's not even true. for all that shikimori gets the spotlight as a heartthrob sometimes, izumi is the actual star of the show. in fact, shikimori's life revolves around him more than the opposite. izumi buckles down and works hard to accomplish his goals and izumi is the one who gets the character development. i've also seen a comment complaining that the girl can be cool but stay feminine so why can't izumi also be masculine? and that makes me sad and angry in a different way. sure, izumi is not the epitome of traditional masculinity, but i don't understand how people don't realize that he's just comfortable in his own skin. his masculinity is not threatened by his girlfriend being a slice of life superhero. and even if he was actually feminine..... so what? people who like traditional femininity in women and masculinity in men.... i don't understand how they don't realize that the overwhelming majority of stories cater to them. you want to see a guy being manly and cool? read literally any shoujo manga ever.

the small little pool of the rest of us have to count our blessings when a manga like this comes around and STILL have to deal with it not staying unconventional through the end. as always, the manga needs to make a point that the boy needs to grow his capabilities to "be just as cool and assertive as the"catch up with the girl". and i think people don't realize that if shikimori was a guy and izumi was a girl, we would not even have a whiff of something like this happening. they would stay doing what they can and sometimes that means someone will be taken care of a bit more than the other and that's ok.

thankfully, it wasn't a painful process to read. it will always make me a bit sad, but it's something i'm very used to at this point. the story was charming, the characters were charming and as much as it champions normalcy and thinks "equal footing" means not letting a role reversal scenario thrive... i also think it did its best to stay true to who the characters are. i'm glad i read this.

[alisaint]

“respond to what i actually said and not your outrageous assumptions of what i said, and maybe i'll consider having this inane conversation with you depending on how masochistic i feel”

uh, no one’s misconstruing anything. you literally used the words homophobic and misogynistic to describe those who disagree with your interpretation of will’s character.

no assumptions here!

aw. so you're just an idiot then? sad. :(

fine. i'll don my teacher hat and so graciously point out where you did entirely misconstrue me and make assumptions.

How are bylers who take issue with stereotypes homophobic?

why do you look at a character who isn't a stereotype, even though he very easily could have been, and assume him to be one anyway simply because he isn't like other boys? why do you look at anyone who points out what was written and maybe expands on that and assume they've reduced him to a stereotype? why do you view this "stereotype" characterization as a negative to begin with? by denouncing soft gays, you are indeed being a homophobe, and a misogynistic one at that. you imply that they're "bad" gays, and they're "bad" because their softness doesn't fit what you think a gay man should be like.

i call it homophobic and misogynistic because it is. a gay male character is more soft than he is anything else, and you guys want to negate that and will go out of your way to ignore the overwhelming canonical evidence. even now you just want to bite and bark at me like a hit dog rather than actually discuss the matter at hand. where is your evidence that he is in fact not generally and most often a softie? where is your evidence to suggest he is indeed a punk? where is your evidence to suggest this "stereotype" is bad and i'm in the wrong for disagreeing? because i don't see it. i only see you acting silly on anonymous in my inbox because you can't even reblog my shit to talk to me out in the open.

a gay boy being sweet, sensitive, and gentle, is not automatically a stereotype, and certainly not a negative one, which is what you all allege.

it is homophobic for you all to look down on and reject such personalities, and it is homophobic for you to automatically assume that such a person would be one-dimensional (which is what you're saying when you try to bring up examples of him being otherwise, as if a character can only be one or the other and never a mix of things [as will so clearly is]).

it is misogynistic, because you guys always assume that will being soft is a bad thing. you race to uphold and defend his manliness, as if we're disparaging him for not being like the other boys, or as if pointing out his lack in this regard is a negative.

why do you feel a sudden rush to defend him when no one is attacking him? why do you all only ever do this when someone wants to defend or bring up one of will's less masculine and more traditionally feminine qualities? whether you realize it or not, you are denouncing anything that could even remotely be adjacent to femininity, and that you would view these as negatives or weaknesses is misogynistic, because you try to disprove it or "right" this "wrong" by providing examples of masculinity, specifically of more aggressive masculinity, as if to correct something that does not need fixing to begin with. or as if to assert that there is only one form of strength, aka the one more traditionally aligned with masculinity, and that a soft character could not ALSO be strong and brave and "boyish" and all of the other "gotchas" people will bring up that aren't "gotchas" at all. (we're the one's putting him in a box, restricting him to just one thing, and yet... you make these assumptions? you act like people cannot be all of these things at once? as if they are at odds? you confuse me, and you sadden me.)

will does not get called gay by everyone because he did something with another boy. he gets called gay because he's not like other boys. he gets called a fairy because he's not like other boys. lonnie calls him slurs and tries to make him like "normal" things because he's not like other boys. he was supposed to get bullied for his colorful clothes because it's not like that of other boys. it's his lack of traditional masculinity that signals to these people that something is different about him, and men who exist outside of this traditional and stereotypical masculinity are considered to be more feminine and thus gay and it is all viewed as a negative and a weakness. this is a form of homophobia which cannot be separated from the misogyny that it's rooted in. they're interlinked. this is basic fucking theory and something that anyone who pays attention to the world knows without ever even having to read theory.

Most Bylers are queer themselves and relate to Will precisely because he does NOT fit queer stereotypes.

first of all, being queer does not in any way mean you cannot be homophobic. it also doesn't mean you can't be misogynistic, btw.

second of all, in my post i point out how will can be both soft and sharp, thus proving that he isn't a one-dimensional stereotype they claim this "fanon" version of him to be, but a complex and layered character. your statement, and the entirety of your messages really, suggests that i disagree with you. if you had taken a deep breath and actually parsed what i said instead of rooting out any dissenters on that post and assigning me your enemy, you would've realized that and the truth of what i was saying. i defend the real people who those stereotypes are based on, i am not alleging that will is a stereotype.

Byler is for those who haven’t found representation in traditional gay characters.

byler is for anyone and everyone, point blank. you do not get to gatekeep them, especially not if you want to disregard such basic components of what makes byler byler and what makes them so uniquely complementary to begin with.

But most people who try to force Will boxes are the ones who are homophobic because it is usually straight girls on Tumblr and TikTok who can only think of queer males as their GBF.

i'm sure they do it, but i've seen a lot of young gays do it on here and twitter, too. your identity does not absolve you or prevent you from sinning. you were born and brought up in a homophobic world—we all have to do the work of being better every single day of our lives as a result.

i routinely see other queer people—younger ones especially—disparaging "stereotypical" gay people and saying shit that makes them sound exactly like lonnie byers. at least in america, those "stereotypes" are the reason we have rights to begin with. those "stereotypes" were brave enough to fight back for us all, even the ones that didn't stand with them, and they were brave enough to continue to exist as they were, proudly, no matter how much and how hard this world tried to wipe them from existence or make monsters and jokes out of them. you're not just being homophobic when you shit on the real people these stereotypes are pulled from, but you're being an ignorant piece of shit who MUST learn their history if they want to keep and honor said rights.

will cannot be put into any box. that is the entire fucking POINT. "he's not like me. he's not like you. he's not like... most." <- that was said about will in the first couple minutes of the very first episode of this show. will is the outlier. the freak among freaks. the one between worlds. too dead for the living, and too alive for the dead.

i repeat: will cannot be put into ANY box and ALL sides of him must be considered. his differences are his STRENGTHS, not his weaknesses. i don't know how many more times i have to say that to you. in my original reblog i do assess that will is more soft than he is not, but that does not negate the fact that he can be both soft and sharp. can you read? can you process that? have i repeated myself enough times?

the fact that you may be queer does not mean that you know better. you also force him into a box by trying to erase certain qualities of his, and getting angry with others for pointing out his many sides and qualities.

Will is canonically boyish, not hyper-feminine.

who said that will is hyper-feminine? why do you bring that up in a conversation where not only did no one say that, but that isn't even the fucking point? why do YOU make the jump that any male character who happens to be soft MUST be hyper-feminine?

THIS WAS NOT ABOUT GENDER. IT WAS NOT ABOUT FEMININITY. ABOUT HOW BOYISH OR HOW GIRLISH HE IS. IT WAS SIMPLY ABOUT SOFTNESS AND WHAT BEING A PUNK IS. YOU MADE IT ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE SOME FUCKING BRAINWASHED SLEEPER AGENT A LA BUCKY BARNES WHO SEES CERTAIN KEY WORDS AND COMES RUNNING TO COPY AND PASTE YOUR BULLSHIT INTO MY ASKBOX. SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPPPPPPPPP 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

you are trying to argue things that you know nothing about. you think that your queerness will absolve you of your close-mindedness, but it does not and it will not. you are actively holding yourself back intellectually by hiding behind it. you are not an adept debater, and from one queer person to another, i STRONGLY suggest you find someone else to hold your hand and teach you about these things because i will not be the one to do that.

and it's not my "interpretation" you're disagreeing with when i'm quoting the duffers themselves. unless you'd like to admit that you also disagree with their interpretation too? :) oh, but i forget. truth isn't exactly your forte, is it, anonymous?

i'm not going to read or reply to anything else that you send me btw, so don't bother. if you do, i'll just cherish the chance to block you <3

[torawro]

SOSAAAA

RAAAHHHHH EJ !!! hi hi hi ! how are you doing lately ?! i sent you and ask already begging on my knees for an apology from you because i haven’t been able to answer this ask in a timely fashion 😞 i wanted to wait until after i caught up with the latest episode in bleach and now that i finally HAAVVEEEE WE CAN HAVE OUR WEEKLY DISCUSSION ABOUT IT ! i love you, and i love this lil tradition we have together <3333 bleach: tybw cour 2 spoilers if you aren’t caught up !!!

—

AJSHSHAJAKAKQKWKWKWKSOWOQOKDJWJSJDJEJCUEHHRJRIFIENENEMWKWOSNWNWKWOWOWOSJDNWJWODIWOWKWJWNWJE ! <- this is LITERALLY my brain watching the latest ep bc like !!! hello!!! helooooo so much excitement and swoon worthy moments ?! can we PLEASE . please talk about kensei? kensei muguruma you beefy sexy strong man i want you and i need you real bad. REAL MF BADDDDD I WAS EATING UP ALL OF HIS SCREEN TIME OKAAAYAYAUUA!! when he got up after getting punched , the way he cracked his neck and it was a sloooooooowww pan up from his chest to his face ???? AND YK HIS SHIHAKUSHŌ HAS ALL THIS CLEAVAGE SO HIS MAN BOOBIES WERE PEEKING OUT? oh they sluttified that manly man in the best ways possible and i need to choke on his balls and have his children. we’ll have twin girls for suresies because im headcanoning that kensei is a girl dad , anyone who disagrees can argue with the wall.

ANYWAYYY im getting so far off track 😖😖😖 next next next let’s talk about rose’s BANKAI???? idk if it’s just me but i personally would have been extremely creeped out if i were to be attacked by such a thing bc it’s really an offense that stacks your senses😭😭😭 they animated it, and everything else in this episode very very well, his bankai ability is so…so unique but also very powerful at the same time and and did u see the way rose was smirking as he held the conductor’s baton !!!!! that BRIEF LOOK OF INSANITY FROM ENJOYING THAT MOMENT? yeah i will be heading to bed now.

AND THAT WASNT EVEN THE BEST PARTTTTT I KNOW U SAY RENJI AND RUKIA’S ENTRANCE???????? renji’s esp was TEWWW FUCKING COLDDDD HELLO???? when renji is so serious he acts extremely calm and cool and collected it makes him even sexier 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ah i was so proud of him bossing up like that and hardly breaking a sweat over masculine and his TRUE shikai and bankai looked even better than it did in the manga !!!! once again studio pierrot are DOWWNNN on cinematography and coloring and animation bc it was such a spectacle !!! we didn’t get any ichi crumbs this episode so it made me a little a lot pouty :/ butttt to compensate we DID get little uryū and jugram crumbs so I’m not as sad bc THEY LOOK SEXY ASFFFFF THEY WERE GORGEOUS !!!! now ej i MUST hear your thoughts ✨

[polyamorouspunk]

Hello to my fave polypunk blog!

Now, it's totally okay if you don't feel like giving advice on the matter, since it's not directly about poly relationship stuff (although I am), but, I've got no better ideas on who to ask since my partners have all pretty much shrugged and been like "IDK I don't know the best play here either." But yeah, feel totally free to just leave this one in the ask box.

So, theoretically, if you were a trans guy flirting with a gay man over the web who has never seen you, how would you go about gauging his interest in trans guys without necessarily implicating yourself and ruining whatever image he's got of you in his head?

Technically, I suppose it doesn't matter, since I doubt we'll ever really meet. But it would be nice to be able to flirt without like, avoiding mentioning aspects of your own body, hence, wanting to find out. But also, it's fun to be casually flirty, and it would be sad and would hurt if he suddenly viewed me as a girl and started treating me like one. So I'd rather keep the illusion of being a cis guy alive for him if he doesn't have interest in trans bodies. Not because I want to "trick" him, but more because, since we're never gonna meet anyway, I'd rather he imagine me as a cis boy than a girl, and therefore talk to me as one, because it's been cathartic to have that kind of unhesitant acceptance of my masculinity.

Again, ultimately, it doesn't really matter. It's casual, for fun, unserious flirting. It's fun enough as it is, and we both know it isn't gonna go anywhere so a little bit of feeding into a fantasy isn't really a problem. I can keep playing the role of a guy who has been a guy the whole time. But it would be doubly nice to let that last bit of guard down.

As it stands, I've already often mentioned that "people mistake me for a girl all the time", and that "puberty didn't treat me well so I never got a deep voice or any height, but at least it gave me a fat ass and nice tits in exchange", and shown my tiny delicate hands after mentioning how they aren't very manly-looking, which aren't particularly damning factors on their own, but I feel like if I outright ask how he feels about trans guys after all that, the pieces are gonna click and change his mental picture of me whether or not I want him to change it yet, so I was hoping you might be able to think of a subtler method.

No I totally feel that. That’s why it’s so much easier for me to be like online as a trans guy (ish) instead of like irl because like. I do not pass at all. And right now I’m not looking to pass. But when I have an unrealistic crush on a gay guy a part of me always wants to be like “hey… ya like… boys… who don’t look like boys… or sound like boys… or ID as boys 90% of the time….” Like yeah the amont of gay dudes I have a crush on is. Sad. Like. Yeah.

I’m in kind of a similar place, perhaps like a tangential place, where I’ve been playing the “no gender, no problem” game a bit and I kinda wanna be like. Actually yeah this is my gender.

Like it’s nice when people online see you as just “a guy”, not cis, not trans, etc. Or see you as not even a girl or a guy just a person. I think it can be subtle enough if you can say something like “so do a lot of gay guys date pre-op trans guys or is it like they gotta have a dick and if that’s the case do they date a lot of post-op trans guys?”

Or, go the “character” route where you pick a [identity] character and talk about them. Like, this is SUCH a bad example but I know in 911 Lone Star there’s an arc where a trans guy is trying to date and he gets outed or outs himself or something and it goes bad because the trans thing like idk bringing it up as a “fictional character” is something I’ve seen suggested for polyamory and also suggested for polyamory. I hope that makes sense.

Or you could talk about how YOU have dated trans people and see where that leads. Like “yeah I dated a trans guy once it was great” and they maybe say something idk.

I hope something like that helps and as always if anyone else has any advice I’m open to them dropping it.

[the7thcrow]

i have no idea why i only just now decided to follow u on tumblr because not all that glitters is gold is literally one of the best fanfics ive ever read. it has to be in my top 3. its been my favorite ever since i had first read it in like december. everytime i get a notification that u have updated, its literally pure dopamine!!

i absolutely adore the mc. shes amazing and i loveee her. but damn girly has been through soooo much in such a short time, she really needs a break. like i have a list of all the things shes been through in my notes💀. the fact that she has to bare all her pain on her own, after so much trauma, just makes me sooo sad </3, like let me give her a hug.

anyway the enemies to lovers situation thats going on between her and woo is literally superior omggg. him slowly starting to care about her🤭🤭, the slowburn is immaculate!!! literally has me giggling and kicking my feet. its too good. i will forever stand by the opinion that nobody can write better enemies to lovers than fanfic writers!!!

san is 100% my favorite character. im literally obsessed with him omgg. the way hes just so strong and masculine while also being so fucking kind and empathetic to the mc??? so manly while being such a sweetheart??? literally the greenest flag ever. its just so attractive, like i want him😫. (and if he does have red flags, im ignoring them btw.) so yes i think im in love with him.

im very much looking forward to future updates. thank you for creating this story, its truly a masterpiece!! love u!!

omg one of your favourites?? stop i'm a pile of mush and fuzzy feelings right now. fortunately, I'm posting the next chapter today so I hope the dopamine is extra good after the months i have left you in waiting LMAO.

but please the mc list??? you gotta drop me an ask with it because even I am curious to see it all laid out 💀 homegirl has really been through it.

I'm glad you're appreciating the slow-burn, it's been extremely fun and satisfying to write. + i completely agree about san. I know I wrote him, but I'm in love with him too. how can u not be, it's san.

you're the sweetest. I truly love asks like this, and I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts and feelings going forward (but seriously pls drop the list of what mc has gone through im begging) <333