#and then he gets all sad because he just wants to be MANLY and MASCULINE 💔💔💔

[fffanii]

09.23.24

this is so dumb

[alphajocklover]

I've grown....tired of my life. Like, it's the same pointless thing day after day. Caring so much about making the world better. I work a sad little non profit. Living in the big city and making little money. I haven't been on a date with a gay in over a year. Straight guys have it so much easier. Sometimes I wish I was more like them...dumb... obnoxious and loud...always having some crude joke....hehe....that'd be fun...to be some loudmouth hot as hell straight comedian or some famous straight actor who could get away with whatever he wanted because he was dumb, hot and young. Like maybe a lean muscular dude or a big bodybuilding buff guy. It wouldn't matter just as long as you make me some obnoxious hot straight asshole.

You say you’re tired of your life… but I don’t think tired is the right word. The word tired suggests you‘ve used up all your energy, that you’ve reached the end of your endurance and need to stop. That’s not what’s happening here. You aren’t tired, you’re restless. It’s not that you’ve used up all your energy, it’s that you haven’t used any of it. You’ve been standing still, living the same life the same way for too long now, and now all that energy you were supposed to be using to be a real man has built up so much you’re about to burst, and as silly as it sounds I’m not speaking in metaphors. Masculinity has its own, literal, actual energy.

Not much is known about it. It’s been called a number of things throughout the years, one of the best known and crudest nicknames being ‘Big Dick Energy’. But what we do know is that it’s real, and you’ve built up quite a lot of it. That happens sometimes, when someone generates said energy but doesn’t actually use it by doing anything manly. See, every guy generates some, jocks generate a lot, sissys generate a little, and most people use just as much as they generate. But not you. You haven’t been using any of your energy, so it’s built up inside you and now… it’s going to burst out. From what you’ve told me it seems like you’re already experiencing the first symptoms. An urge to act manly, toxic and obnoxious. But that’s just the beginning. Soon the buildup will become too much, and it’ll take over.

The transformation will be almost instant. You’ll beef up, dumb down, and lose yourself in pure, toxic masculinity. It’ll come off of you in waves, and you’ll feel like it’s the greatest high of your life. But like every high it won’t last forever. Eventually, probably after a few weeks of fucking sluts and beating up nerds, you’ll run out of energy and go back to you’re regular self, probably confused and strangely horny. That doesn’t mean you’ll never see your straight douchebag self again. Once you’re overloaded by masculine energy once, it’s easier for it to happen again. Not only that, the next time it happens it’ll happen longer.

You could try to keep it from happening again. Do something manly regularly, something simple like watching sports or working out. Or you could let it happen again. Keep turning into a straight jock for longer and longer, until eventually you completely overload on it and end up like that permanently. Whatever choice you make, I’m sure you won’t be tired of your life anymore.

[thelostgirl21]

English Translators: "Jaskier" translates as "Buttercup", but we can't just let a manly man use "Buttercup" as his nickname! That's way too feminine, and our readers would be horrified! Let's call him "Dandelion" instead. Yes, much better... Mucho macho...

Netflix & Joey Batey: Yeah, no. We'll just call him Buttercup by keeping the original Polish name, i.e. Jaskier.

So, this is our very own Prince Buttercup. He's a damoiseau in distress that's regularly in need of being rescued, enjoys chatting with animals, and might randomly break into song.

He feels very comfortable asking a strong, stoic, muscular man to accompany him to the Royal Ball for protection, and will attempt to convince him by rubbing chamomile onto his lovely bottom, giving him a bath, washing his stupid hair, and dressing him up in stylish, fine clothing.

He tends to see the good in everyone, and will spontaneously attempt to become friends with things that want to eat him (both figuratively and literally).

However he can occasionally become pretty condescending with commoners, and treat those that fail to appreciate his talent as beneath him; often with a complete disregard for his personal safety, as if it doesn't seem to occur to him right away that they'd actually dare lay their filthy hands on him.

He cries very pretty (so pretty), and will look at you with gorgeous doe eyes when he feels sad, hurt, scared, or needs a favor.

He's very distrustful and afraid of power-hungry sexy witches coming at him from many different angles, until they stop being all predatory and menacing, and begin rescuing and protecting him instead.

He gets along very well with other princes/princesses, and will resent not being invited to one of the most important social events of the Continent, but not getting to spend more time with them.

And he never experienced what romantic love truly was until he finally got to meet his very own Prince.

Obviously, Prince Radovid fell in love with our Buttercup at first sight, and was willing to give up his Kingdom for a chance to be by his side.

And as far as Prince Buttercup is concerned, he sees himself as a

because that's simply who he is, and that's also what masculinity looks like.

So, unless Jaskier, in the books, is a very insecure man that constantly worries about being mistaken for a woman, I can't help but find it hilarious that the translators of the books, in English, got so worried over "Buttercup" sounding feminine...

...when the character himself likely wouldn't have been bothered by the way it sounds in the least, and would totally have rocked that nickname while making it work perfectly for a guy!

Hell! As a non-native English speaker, other than the fact that I've seen the movie "The Princess Bride", and the princess in it was named "Buttercup", my brain does not at all perceive "Buttercup" as inherently feminine, nor "Dandelion" as inherently masculine.

Perhaps because, in French, each word has its own gender, and "bouton d'or" (i.e. "buttercup", but the literal translation would be "button made of gold") is masculine.

Un bouton d'or (a buttercup) is masculine.

Un pissenlit (a dandelion) is masculine.

Une rose (a rose) is feminine.

Une tulippe (a tulip) is feminine.

Etc.

"Princess Buttercup" is thus named "Princesse Bouton d'or" (it's actually the title of the movie) in French.

But "Bouton d'or" (Buttercup) is, by itself, a masculine word.

The funny thing is that, where I'm from, I think the dandelion is literally the single most hated flower I can think of.

When I was a kid, my parents - and pretty much all our neighbors - spent countless hours trying to remove every single dandelion they could find on their lawn and in their garden while making sure to fully eliminate the whole root, because they tended to replace all the grass, and some of the other flowers and plants from their garden.

Some of our neighbors had their lawns treated with very harsh chemicals (many of which are thankfully illegal today) in a desperate effort to get rid of them.

Dandelion always makes allergy season a complete and utter nightmare, makes it harder to breathe outside (those floating bits clouding the air always get stuck in your nose, throat or even eyes), it also clogs the air filter of your car...

And, when you cut them at the stem, your hands wind up all sticky and smelling awful.

Unless they want to make a point that they'll be extremely annoying, unwanted, sticky, smelly, trying to get into every single exposed orifice of your body as soon as you're exposed to them, and hard to get rid of, why would anyone ever wish to nickname themselves "dandelion"?

I mean, "pissenlit", the French name for "dandelion", comes from "pisse-en-lit" and literally means "peeing-in-bed".

Because if you eat dandelion leaves, they will make you pee and wet your bed (they have a strong diuretic effect).

Yes, we hate the dandelion so much, that we've decided to name that freaking flower "peeing-in-bed".

So, if you go from the original Polish name to the English translation of the name, and then translate the English name back to French...

You've essentially replaced:

Jaskier - > Buttercup - > Button made of gold (Bouton d'or).

By

Jaskier - > Dandelion - > Peeing-in-bed (Pissenlit).

It's hilarious!

All because some English translator got scared "Buttercup" would sound "too feminine".

The good news is that we kept Jaskier's name as "Jaskier" in the French translation of the books and the games. Although Bouton d'or would have worked just fine.

But yeah, come on! Jaskier would have made a beautiful Buttercup!

#the art of creating some gender issue where there's none.

When in doubt, just ask the character...

Would Jaskier have had what it took to call himself a "Buttercup"?

You bet your lovely bottom and bloated biceps he would have!

Still can't wrap my mind around him being a peeing-in-bed flower in English... Just... Nope! Does not compute.

[plusvanity]

hey i'm curious to know what you think would happen if varg and marie broke up? i love reading your opinions <3

Well, first thing first, I don't think that they will ever break up. She is too well 'programmed', so to speak (it is sad) to see the world through her own eyes and realize the dubious choices that she made for both her and her children. However, exploring the wishful (unrealistic) thought that she would ever want to get away from Vikernes, this is how I see things:

Starting over again with 7 children is something that I can't even imagine how hard it is, plus the long-lasting emotional damage. You're left with no security, most times no financial support and no stability for what the future brings. Unfortunately, this is one of the crude reasons why many women would rather stay in an unsatisfying marriage that can even become toxic. She would have a hard time adapting to society (if she would ever consider that) and an even harder time to raise her offspring who had little to no real-world connection.

Now, what would happen with him would make a great documentary (half kidding).

Entering a narcissist's mind, you can tell with accuracy that his whole world would break down. Why? Because he invested every resource he had to make her be the wife that he wanted her to be. The process of grooming started quite early when she was still a child (16 if I remember correctly). The first thing people like him do is love-bombing, making their romantic interest feel like they are entirely perfect and the best candidate for them. This phase is ameliorated in time as routine and familiarity set in as well as boredom. Narcissists get bored so quickly if they are not simulated constantly, especially cerebral narcissists like how Vikernes seems to be.

Varg can have all the attention and admiration in the world, but if his prime source of narcissistic supply leaves him, he will suffer the greatest ego injury/ collapse of all times. Don't believe me, look up this phenomenon, and educate yourself.

Men like Varg have a very fragile ego that is protected by these alloplastic defenses (he searches for ways to manipulate the environment and people around him to meet his goals, he never works on himself. In fact, his personality issues are very resistant, almost immune to change. This is why you won't see narcissists in therapy. They are just perfect, everything is 'wrong' with the world.) These defenses are automatic and their role is to put a barrier between the real world (the concept of failing) and the fragile ego.

These men are highly neurotic, highly insecure on their own masculinity, poorly adaptive, highly dependent on people's perception of them (the irony is that narcissists come off as 'independent' most of the time), so Marie has the role of an emotional regulator for him. She is his biggest supporter, his cheerleader, his endless fountain of admiration and affection. She is his 'mother'.

I remember one time reading one of her Tweets in which she praised him for repairing their roof, literally making a post about something that everyone can do, especially men in a traditional marriage. I genuinely believe that Varg can't do shit around the house and Marie is the only one hard-working every day. Varg makes a cringy post every 2 hours, so I'm inclined to think that he stays inside most of the time and plays videogames. After all, that's how he enjoys life, he said on his blog that he doesn't want to work. Then, I remember a video that he made about repairing their fence and it was so 'interesting and applaudable as if he built a brick house on the spot. This is pathetic especially because he calls himself such a manly, primitive, strong, smart, (insert whatever adjective he wishes to be) man.

I have no doubt that what he thinks he does useful for his family's life he indeed believes it is useful and his wife praises him, keeps boosting his fragile ego all the time to keep the 'harmony' intact. This is such a common thing actually.

Marie is like his mother in a twisted way. The mother that is engaged with him, the mother that pays attention to him and loves him unconditionally, the mother who has an only child, the mother he never had. If she abandons him, it's all over. The shared fantasy, the 'we against the would' delusion, the perfect lie, everything is over.

I believe he would beg her to stay because contrary to popular opinions, narcissists do love (in a sort of twisted way), get attached to people just like little children do (mentally they rarely evolve beyond the age of 4-5 and Varg is not that miracle) and they cannot admit that they failed in life.

He made children with her, assured that they had just enough aspects that would keep them bound forever for the rest of their lives, and made her fall in love with a grandiose but ultimately a false image of a husband so she cannot leave him because without her he is nothing. This is not my brave assumption, this is the literature about narcissists' minds.

Would he find another wife, all the process will repeat, but I think that he would become even more paranoid about betrayal and more careful (cold) from then on. Would he try not to make the same mistake again, he will remain alone, tell the world that there is no good left in his 'kind' and become ever worse of a contemporaneous clown than he is now (which is hand to imagine but possible if given the right context).

In a way, Marie keeps him from being worse because she gives him the confidence that he desperately needs, affirms his atrocious opinions and loves him like she loves the rest of her children.

Edit: important disclaimer

I do not talk down the narcissistic personality disorder. Varg is an isolated/extreme case of malignant narcissists, and what I think about him does not apply to how I think about other people in this spectrum. There are characteristics that apply to all NPD individuals, and there are characteristics that apply to a smaller population.

No mental disorder justifies the inappropriate and literally dangerous behavior of some individuals. But the meant disorders can help identify the mentality behind a particular behavior.

I'm well aware that there are many people in the NPD community work on healing themselves, are mindful of their own behavior and are genuine.

Getting better and being the best version of yourself is the most honorable and responsible approach.

[gabessquishytum]

So I’m in a mental rut struggling with something that I know logically is kind of silly but my brain won’t cooperate and you KNOW my favorite coping mechanism is projecting on The Blorbos. So.

Trans!Dream who loves Hob’s body hair but also struggles with body image issues because even on T he barely got any body hair himself. As a boyfriend he appreciates how gorgeous Hob is but the gender envy sometimes creeps in and makes him insecure about his own lack of body hair and makes him worry he’s not masculine enough.

Eventually Hob figures out what’s going on and does everything he can to comfort Dream that he’s perfectly handsome and manly just the way he is 💕

-🦇

Always project on the blorbos, my friend! It's the answer to everything <333

Dream is so valid for this btw. Its very understandable to both admire and envy the qualities that your partner has! Still, Dream feels bad about it and tries to hide his emotions. Luckily Hob is pretty perceptive, and he sees Dream’s sad little glances.

He initially offers to shave his whole chest rug off - he really wouldn't mind! But Dream is like "absolutely NOT that would be a CRIME" and so they sit down together to think of other solutions. Maybe they can talk to Dream’s doctor about encouraging more body hair growth. And if that doesn't work out, well, that's okay. Because Hob loves, adores Dream, no matter what. Even if he turned into a worm overnight, Hob would keep him in a little worm habitat and take care of him forever.

He makes Dream promise to tell him when the feelings get particularly overwhelming, because all he wants is to be able to help. He knows that he can't fix the way Dream is feeling, but that isn't the point. He wants to sit with his beloved during those emotions, and remind him that he isn't alone. Cause Dream is his man, and that's the most important thing in the world.

[blubushie]

tbh, as a woman who hangs out in communities where alot of middle aged men are guaranteed to gather around, you really hit the nail on the head. i've yet to find a tf2 fic that actually captures that male camaraderie that i've seen from the men around me.

Also, knowing this is the queer website and that much of the TF2 fandom is transmasc, I'm gonna address this so these kids can't go "I don't do that!! I'm a man!! I know what men act like because I-"

Men in queer spaces don't act the same way in the queer space as they do outside of it. I know I don't, cuz people get judgy. Queer community does not like men or masculinity. If you look too much like a man, or act too manly/boyish, or engage in male behaviours even with other men, they will look down on you. The only acceptable men are behaviorally effeminate, androgynous white twinks. If you divert from this in any way—too masculine, too POC, too physically male, too tall or fat or broad—they will treat you like a predator.

So a lot of these people, if they are interacting with men, are often interacting with other young transmascs who aren't socialised in male behaviour yet (usually online), or with men in queer spaces only—men who are masking. And they think men are just like this all the time.

And any man who doesn't play up the effeminate harmless uwu-shyboy persona is now scary or being toxically masculine because he's engaging in friendly ribbing with another man while being in a queer space.

I noticed it especially when me and an older bear went to a queer event (separately, we didn't come together) and he was practically ostracised because he's tall and bearded and bald and hairy and fat and very obviously male. And it turns out he was a trans man and he felt he didn't have a place in this event because everyone shunned him, or somehow managed to bring up toxic masculinity and how they don't feel safe with men in certain spaces, all in front of him while very obviously targeting him. The younger transmascs, of which there was quite a few, agreed with this. They ALSO didn't feel comfortable with him there because he was TOO male despite being just as queer as the rest of them (if not more—he was in his 50s and the oldest person there and had been out since his early 20s, so he defo had the most life experience of everyone there as far as the trans folk were concerned).

So naturally he and I hit it off. We separated off from the group, got drinks, and spent the afternoon in the corner, just us, discussing boats and fishing and lightly ribbing each other and laughing to ourselves while everyone else kept giving us glares and side-glances. Men are not welcome in queer spaces. Masculinity is not welcome in queer spaces. People treat ANY instance of masculinity as toxic. And so these young transmascs lost out on a perfect opportunity to see how men actually interact with each other, because the only other men they're actually interacting with are other trans men who don't know how men socialised as male act either.

It's kinda sad, in a way. Cuz they're gonna continue not knowing, and when the day comes they're gonna be blindsided and not know a fucken thing about how to be men in social environments because they don't wanna listen to or observe other men, not even the transmascs what came before them. Masculinity scary or some shit. And this is why it's SO IMPORTANT to have people outside of your familiar circle or your social group or your echo chamber as friends. It's why you should befriend your elders and learn from them, not shrink in fear cuz beards are scary or something. Not everyone can be a skinny white transmasc twink and not everyone WANTS to be. Masculinity is NOT a bad thing.

Anyway rant over. Point is these people don't know what male comraderie looks like cuz they don't actually put themselves out there to experience or observe it. Or even just engage in media where it's plainly showcased. 🤷‍♂️

[invested-in-your-future]

I saw your post about if RWBY was written someone decently:

“We would have absolutely gotten a fallout from Jaune just...forging his entry into the academy and then harassing a girl for two volumes.”

I know I am going to get some hate but honestly I wanted Jaune to learn from his actions. I never did like how even at his worst he gets rewarded for his bad behavior:

-he came to a school without aura and no one scolded him for being reckless

-he is sleeping and being lazy with his training (this was your dream why aren’t you taking this seriously?)

-the worse one to me personally (Pyrrha offering training he desperately needs he refuses out of pride…despite knowing he is doing awful)

I hated the bully arc because it was only there to make jaune look good. (Doesn’t help the writers admitting that it was self insert moment.)

Jaune should have faced consequences for being this irresponsible.

Honestly, it's just a mess.

First of all, I have to preface this by saying that there's nothing necessarily wrong with writing Jaune as lazy or not taking his position seriously - as long as writing acknowledges that and uses it to develop him.

Making Jaune as misguided into believing being a Huntsman would make him respected and adored while struggling to put in actual work necessary could be interesting.

The behavior that is in show would fit perfectly the idea of someone who just thought he'd enter into this prestigious academy and get treated like a hero or "The protagonist" - of course someone like that would instantly attempt to hit on the most popular and famous girl at school and of course someone like that would find it difficult to get into his brain that she isn't interested.

Writing Jaune as this person enamored with toxic stereotypes of masculinity and the idea that others owe something to him for his position is interesting. As is the idea of someone like that slowly getting over the toxicity inherent in his behavior and growing into someone more genuine, someone not bound by awful complexes and generic macho fantasies.

Showing how Jaune has to learn to be comfortable with himself and how the whole "knight in shining armor" stereotype of masculinity is not necessary - that would be a riveting character arc.

It would justify all the clashes with Cardin because both represent the polar opposite issues with toxic masculinity overall.

It would even make him a fitting member of JNPR by making his characterization part of the team's theme of challenging gender stereotypes and roles!

The issue is that the writers don't see any of those as an issue - in the minds of Miles and Kerry and the like - Jaune is just this guy "way in over his head" who is just "trying his best".

And what's worse, the writers take the absolute worst possible message from the critique that surrounds Jaune - they somehow believe that the key to making Jaune more likable and to sell him better to the audiences is to make him more "manly", "stronger", "responsible" - all the while walking straight(heh) into the worst toxic stereotypes that people were complaining about in the first place.

They don't attempt to challenge the toxicity and the annoying character traits because they don't see them. Instead they attempt to make him likable and "cool".

So Jaune gets to step over a trail of women who died for his characterization while lamenting how "he never asked for this" and getting a banana haircut that's "more manly". And to prove the likes of Weiss of how achshually he's totally nice and cool guy and she was oh so wrong for daring to not be interested.

I wrote before that the show has Jaune deal with completely different issues than his character actually has, essentially in parts stuffing Ruby's character arc bits onto his character rather than the main protagonist.

It's not only infuriating because of how much the result of his characterization poisons the already shaky show and steals the protagonists' screen time and development, but also downright sad to see the potential of a compelling story arc robbed.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

S that latest poll answer makes me sad for you. Did that inspire that fic you wrote about Sebastians body image and thr beetle?

related to my tags on this poll & this fic of mine "The Kids Aren't Alright"

This gets personal and kind of intense, so it goes below the cut!

Trigger warning for discussion of general poor mental health, depression, suicidal ideation/self harm, eating disorders, body image issues, etc.

The short answer is an overwhelming yes.

"The Kids Aren't Alright" was very much something that I wrote because it struck a chord in me--Sebastian talking about his experience with body dysmorphia always hits home for me as a guy with body dysmorphic disorder, and the first time I heard Mackie admittedly very affectionately teasing him, saying he got stuck in the VW Beetle, I was a little horrified, I mean, secondhand embarrassement, imagining embarrasment so vividly it was horrible, really. So, naturally, I had to make it into a fic.

Also, I hope you don't mind, sweets, before going on, I'm adding onto your ask with another that I got even more recently:

youre very generous with what you share, so ignore this if im over the line, but its mens mental health month and that suicidal ideation post made me think of your mental health, whats been your experience with it?? i dont have a lot of men in my life who are willing to share with me, so i thought i would ask you 🥰🥰 please delete this if youre uncomfy tho

which is related to this

Both of you are such sweethearts!

Thanks, though, I don't exactly try to share a shit ton 🤷🏻‍♂️ I guess, eh, being somewhat anonymous in this corner of the internet yet being honest in the form of the spectrum of emotion from raw feral angst to private domestic fluff to shameless shut coaxes me into being so forthcoming? Not that I'm, like, super reserved otherwise, lmao.

I'll start with a short answer again before I go into deeper detail, which is just to say: my experience with it has been rough. I, a queer man, grew up in a small, red town with a very traditional family, so... yeah. It was not fun.

Okay, longer answer now because when given the opportunity, I. will. yap.

I think I will start with masculinity here because I feel as though a lot of my experiences with mental health and issues with my body tie directly into my masculinity. I don't have problems with being a man, I love being a man, it's who I am, I just don't love some of the expectations of being a man on a grand societal and interpersonal level, y'know?

Masculinity, to me, was always presented as the thing you have to be or else. Or else my parents were disappointed; or else the other boys wouldn't like me; or else I felt bad about myself: or else there must be something wrong with me; or else I must be gay; or else.

I have older siblings, and my older brother was in Boy Scouts when we were kids. Both of my parents fucking love the outdoors. So, of course, they loved that. My dad, specifically, spent all his time doing Scouts shit with my brother or organizing similar activities just for them when not at work. (I had a traditional western family unit, my dad worked, my mom was a stay-at-home mom.) And while I do enjoy the outdoors and camping and hiking and all that, just in smaller doses, I never wanted to join Scouts. I nearly immediately attached myself to art, so I just didn't have the interest. I can't do art if I'm outside digging in dirt, fighting with sticks, practicing knots, doing target practice, and backpacking (or whatever else the boys in the troop were doing), can I? That meant, if I wanted to draw or do crafts or something creative, I was inside, and my mom was looking after me and my sister while my dad and brother were out.

That did not sit well with my dad. He wanted me outside, joining Boy Scouts and fixing cars, playing mechanics with my brother. I did not want to. He tried very hard to get me to be as interested in more stereotypically manly activities with him and my brother, and it didn't work.

I'm just more artistic. That was always a clear disappointment.

To add on, as I grew up, I was not physically traditionally masculine, either. I've cracked jokes here and there that I'm not too dissimilar to pre-serum Steve before. It's not far off. I'm about 5'6", a little taller, and skinny.

I grew up waiting desperately for puberty, waiting for my muscles and growth spurt and... it didn't happen. My voice dropped way deep (which meant it cracked wildly and super noticeably, and, of course, I got shit for it), and I enjoyed that. I never had a pressing issue with my dick, I mean, I would hazard a guess that anyone with a dick worries about size at some point just because that's something etched deep in social sexuality, but I had more pressing things to obsess over. Like, at first, when body hair started to kick in, I was psyched to see it, and then it kept coming and suddenly guys in the locker room were pointing it out and making fun of me for being a "little guy" with so much body hair. Puberty also did fuck my face up with acne which destroyed a lot of my self-esteem, too. I had to go on Accutane not once, not twice, but three times. I still have a robust routine to keep my skin clear (but it is clear these days and I'm still reeling thinking about it, it took someone telling me I had really nice skin for me to snap out of it and realize I wasn't still covered with acne, actually. And that was recent!).

I didn't have my pre- to post-serum sudden increase in height and muscle moment, so I continued to feel scrawny and weak. Having pectus excavatum, a birth defect where my sterum curves in instead of going down in a straight line, never helped, either--I got made fun of for that, of course. I remember a comment about how one guy in a locker room wasn't going to dare to hit me/slap me on the back because he would clearly just break me... yeah, that didn't help feeling like the odd one out, unmasculine, fragile, and unattractive.

My self-esteem is much better these days, I will gladly say, but I genuinely used to get sick to my stomach just thinking about what I looked like, never mind actually looking in the mirror. I felt horrible that I had to go out in public and subject people to looking at my face. I'm an avid journal-er, and I have old entries where I just go on and on and on and on about how I felt like a monster. Disgusting and hideous.

It doesn't matter that I know, objectively, that I have a fairly masculine and even an attractive face. My jaw is square, I can grow a beard, I have a deep voice, my eyes are green, I've been very lucky to have straight, white teeth without braces and all that. Plus, people seem to like my cheekbones and curly hair. My voice, too, people seem to enjoy my voice and my mouth. So, evidently, others seem to appreciate my face. So many people spread over so many years have no real reason to lie. I'm complimented. I've not had problems when it comes to dating and relationships or whatever. Yet still, it's just not what I see. I say I know objectively what I look like because I know facts about myself, but I...

I don't really know what I look like, if that makes sense? My reflection shifts a lot, over the years I have had a problem with every part of my face, every part of my body, and I know I can't trust what I see in the mirror. I fixate on things, and it consumes my viewing experience.

Part of the consequences of all... that... all those issues above have been my experience with eating disorders. I've had some fun [sarcastic] mix of orthorexia, binge eating disorder, and anorexia over most of my conscious life. From the moment I was aware of myself and my own body, I've had problems fueling my body. It's a cycle over years and years that's been going on since late elementary school (around 10, 11), where I'm fucking sick and tired of feeling weak and useless and not masculine, so I push myself too hard in the gym and kitchen--working out until I'm physcially ill, blacking out, blistering from running and lifting, I've torn a few things that way, while obsessing with healthy foods at the same time to the point that it's unhealthy. That happens for however long I can take it. Then, eventually, I break. And I get into a cycle of binging that destroys my ability to go to the gym, so it's just binging. Cycles of it, uncontrollable. That morphs into feeling too big and disgusted with myself in the opposite way that I started with, so my brain fixates on restricting. What goes up must come down, though, so with enough of that... then I feel too small again and, yeah. It starts over. 🙃

I have worked very hard to break it with the help of friends and a short lived experience with therapy (he was a terrible therapist, then my insurance stopped covering it, so I couldn't afford to go or find a new one), but I've--dare, I say--gotten into some kind of balance more recently.

To end on perhaps a hilariously on-theme note and something happier, what I have found is that sex helps. Therapy and supportive friends and good environment are obviously irreplaceable. But, sex is good, too. When I was in the thick of all that, younger with my mental health challenges way more out of control, I'm sure I was just getting away from the numbness and hurt--endorphins, oxytocin, y'know, all that.

Then, I'm sure it was added to by the fact that suddenly, with sex, women (I am queer but when I started fucking around, I only felt safe enough to be with women, I didn't think I could be out where I was, and now... that's just the way it's worked out. It happens to have been women) were enjoying me. Enjoying what I could give them. Complimenting me explicitly or implicitly. Saying I'm hot or, clearly, if we're having sex, I'm not so disgusting that you don't want to fuck me.

But, sex helps beyond those rudimentary things, too. Finding kinky people and sex-positive people has inadvertently led me to find body positive people and find examples of real bodies--people really actually enjoying themselves. Spending more time naked is beneficial, too, haha. Slowly, I'm learning to appreciate myself more. This is my body. It's the only one I have to live in, I may as well make peace with it. And I will take the pleasure that my body can give others. I appreciate that I can do that. I like making people feel good, I like having their faith put in me to make them feel good and treat them and their bodies well, like they're desired, or not 😏, depending on what they're into. I want to pull that pleasure out of them. I want to make them feel good, bad, whatever. I want them to feel in their body.

Did that answer the question, lmao? I just rambled 💀💀

[lurksunderthebed]

Funnily enough i had a long ass convo with one of the dudebros that just decided to drop by and comment how Ghost and Soap are NOT GAY!!! on one of the comment's that initially didn't even mention anything about them like that other than saying "they could have been friends or something more like romantic", and this guy just lost it. Problem with them is they wanna latch onto their "role" models so desperately it threatens their masculinity when someone dares to read these characters as anything other than cis het man.

Bear with me it's gonna be one long ass essay; The need to gatekeep a certain character because their views don't aling with how the rest of us choose to interpret them because according to them, their view is a fact but ours that's not aligning with their bias is a headcanon, make it make sense. Saying and seething that "Ghost isn't GAY!!!" isn't a fact, that sounds like an agenda to me because seeing Ghost as a bi/pan anything else doesn't count in the "manly man" category for toxic dudebros because masculine men only are allowed to dominate and bang women, right? It just shows how simple minded and uneducated the lot of them really are. Cannot fathom man and a woman having a platonic bond without saying "yeah they're polygamous, that's a thing in military for men to have side bitches" whilst defending fiercely Ghost and Soap as being anything other than "bros" because they feel attacked.

Don't get me started on the whole double standard issue either; it's very hot and cute when Ghost threatens Milena but it's disgusting and no no for Ghost and Soap who literally have an established bond between them and clearly care for one another. Same goes for Valeria, they were ready to pair her with Soap just because it was a woman and a man. A man has to bang chicks lol/ This philosophy is so tiring and dumb that it just shows you how a cis het man actually sees women. And i'd go as far as to say it implies misogyny aswell. Take that as you will. But this issue is present in every sort of fandom whose target audience is mostly basement dwellers that rely on their mums for a brand new GPU.

I think the whole thing has to do with projection. When it comes to people who lash out and get ridiculously upset about these sorts of things, especially about a FICTIONAL character it's cause they view it as an attack on themselves.

Which is all sorts of sad, because we're not talking facts here or canonical events, it's about how those fans see themselves in their fav characters.

As I said earlier, you could read into people's sexualities all you want. Aside from Laswell hilariously enough, there isn't any definitive proof of het/gay/etc in any character in 141. If there was, you bet my overly analytical self would find it and make a note of it for Ghost or Soap.

There's arguably more proof on Ghost being queer than him being straight/het which is the funniest thing. The easiest read is him being just not interested in people as a whole, especially with how much he doesn't really interact with others personally (outside of Soap).

Personally, I think when it comes to those sorts of people it's best to just leave it be. No amount of actual factual basis or any sort of reason will change their minds. Because it's not the characters in question that is the issue, it's themselves as people that push their own agenda into it.

Again irony at its finest. For all the people out there upset at those pushing the "gay agenda" onto these characters, it's really themselves pushing their own values onto them. Realising this would require more self reflection than most of that vocal fanbase actually have.

[bakusquad-headcanons]

The Bakusquads Music Taste

I was thinking about this on the bus awhile back before school vacation, and just now im deciding to share my thoughts!

Bakugou:

I believe Bakugou would listen to hard rap. He works out a lot, so he probably listens to music that fits the vibe and gets him pumped y’know? HOWEVER, i also believe he listens to rock. the grittiest, edgiest, stuff. MCR, Get Scared, others with similar sounds. He doesn’t listen to pop, but some songs he likes (you’d have to catch him dead before he ever admitted it tho lol). I think he’d prefer masculine voices over feminine ones, but i think he could vibe to a female singer.

Kirishima:

He doesn’t listen to anything sad, he doesn’t want his mood to drop. Like Bakugou, he listens to music that pumps him up. Unlike him tho, it isn’t hard rap. It’s songs like Hall of Fame, Believer, For the Glory, Fight Song, etc. He has a preference for masculine voices because MANLY. He doesn’t mind female singers tho.

Kaminari:

Kaminari definitely listens pop. Songs about love and sex specifically. Bros trying to have his rizzlor dreams, yknow? Although, i do also believe he listens to alternative rock and other genres that i can’t think of the names rn lol. I’m thinking songs like Dear Maria Count Me In (All Time Low), Mr. Brightside (The Killers), Afraid (The Neighbourhood), Mr. Bigshot (Anarbor), etc. He likes both feminine and masculine voices

Mina:

She 100% listens to pop and the such. Cardi B, Ariana Grande, Megan Thee Stallion, The Weeknd, Lil Nas X, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Doja Cat, etc. Songs about being a girboss, things that hype up self-confidence, or just things that are really fun to dance to. Speaking of songs to dance to, she definitely listens to genres like hip-hop, dance, or really anything upbeat and danceable. prefers feminine voices over masculine, but is fine with either. 

Sero:

Honestly, i think his playlists would be all over the place. You’d go from listening to Doja Cat, to Destiny’s Child, to Mother Mother, to Juan Luis Guerra, to KISS, and etc. I think his music would get so weird that eventually songs from Jack Stauber would show up. Bro is not restrained by any means, he will listen to anything he can hum to. He listens to any kind of voice, doesn’t matter to him.

honestly it would be pretty interesting to see yalls headcanons about this, so feel free to comment or something!

[alisaint]

“respond to what i actually said and not your outrageous assumptions of what i said, and maybe i'll consider having this inane conversation with you depending on how masochistic i feel”

uh, no one’s misconstruing anything. you literally used the words homophobic and misogynistic to describe those who disagree with your interpretation of will’s character.

no assumptions here!

aw. so you're just an idiot then? sad. :(

fine. i'll don my teacher hat and so graciously point out where you did entirely misconstrue me and make assumptions.

How are bylers who take issue with stereotypes homophobic?

why do you look at a character who isn't a stereotype, even though he very easily could have been, and assume him to be one anyway simply because he isn't like other boys? why do you look at anyone who points out what was written and maybe expands on that and assume they've reduced him to a stereotype? why do you view this "stereotype" characterization as a negative to begin with? by denouncing soft gays, you are indeed being a homophobe, and a misogynistic one at that. you imply that they're "bad" gays, and they're "bad" because their softness doesn't fit what you think a gay man should be like.

i call it homophobic and misogynistic because it is. a gay male character is more soft than he is anything else, and you guys want to negate that and will go out of your way to ignore the overwhelming canonical evidence. even now you just want to bite and bark at me like a hit dog rather than actually discuss the matter at hand. where is your evidence that he is in fact not generally and most often a softie? where is your evidence to suggest he is indeed a punk? where is your evidence to suggest this "stereotype" is bad and i'm in the wrong for disagreeing? because i don't see it. i only see you acting silly on anonymous in my inbox because you can't even reblog my shit to talk to me out in the open.

a gay boy being sweet, sensitive, and gentle, is not automatically a stereotype, and certainly not a negative one, which is what you all allege.

it is homophobic for you all to look down on and reject such personalities, and it is homophobic for you to automatically assume that such a person would be one-dimensional (which is what you're saying when you try to bring up examples of him being otherwise, as if a character can only be one or the other and never a mix of things [as will so clearly is]).

it is misogynistic, because you guys always assume that will being soft is a bad thing. you race to uphold and defend his manliness, as if we're disparaging him for not being like the other boys, or as if pointing out his lack in this regard is a negative.

why do you feel a sudden rush to defend him when no one is attacking him? why do you all only ever do this when someone wants to defend or bring up one of will's less masculine and more traditionally feminine qualities? whether you realize it or not, you are denouncing anything that could even remotely be adjacent to femininity, and that you would view these as negatives or weaknesses is misogynistic, because you try to disprove it or "right" this "wrong" by providing examples of masculinity, specifically of more aggressive masculinity, as if to correct something that does not need fixing to begin with. or as if to assert that there is only one form of strength, aka the one more traditionally aligned with masculinity, and that a soft character could not ALSO be strong and brave and "boyish" and all of the other "gotchas" people will bring up that aren't "gotchas" at all. (we're the one's putting him in a box, restricting him to just one thing, and yet... you make these assumptions? you act like people cannot be all of these things at once? as if they are at odds? you confuse me, and you sadden me.)

will does not get called gay by everyone because he did something with another boy. he gets called gay because he's not like other boys. he gets called a fairy because he's not like other boys. lonnie calls him slurs and tries to make him like "normal" things because he's not like other boys. he was supposed to get bullied for his colorful clothes because it's not like that of other boys. it's his lack of traditional masculinity that signals to these people that something is different about him, and men who exist outside of this traditional and stereotypical masculinity are considered to be more feminine and thus gay and it is all viewed as a negative and a weakness. this is a form of homophobia which cannot be separated from the misogyny that it's rooted in. they're interlinked. this is basic fucking theory and something that anyone who pays attention to the world knows without ever even having to read theory.

Most Bylers are queer themselves and relate to Will precisely because he does NOT fit queer stereotypes.

first of all, being queer does not in any way mean you cannot be homophobic. it also doesn't mean you can't be misogynistic, btw.

second of all, in my post i point out how will can be both soft and sharp, thus proving that he isn't a one-dimensional stereotype they claim this "fanon" version of him to be, but a complex and layered character. your statement, and the entirety of your messages really, suggests that i disagree with you. if you had taken a deep breath and actually parsed what i said instead of rooting out any dissenters on that post and assigning me your enemy, you would've realized that and the truth of what i was saying. i defend the real people who those stereotypes are based on, i am not alleging that will is a stereotype.

Byler is for those who haven’t found representation in traditional gay characters.

byler is for anyone and everyone, point blank. you do not get to gatekeep them, especially not if you want to disregard such basic components of what makes byler byler and what makes them so uniquely complementary to begin with.

But most people who try to force Will boxes are the ones who are homophobic because it is usually straight girls on Tumblr and TikTok who can only think of queer males as their GBF.

i'm sure they do it, but i've seen a lot of young gays do it on here and twitter, too. your identity does not absolve you or prevent you from sinning. you were born and brought up in a homophobic world—we all have to do the work of being better every single day of our lives as a result.

i routinely see other queer people—younger ones especially—disparaging "stereotypical" gay people and saying shit that makes them sound exactly like lonnie byers. at least in america, those "stereotypes" are the reason we have rights to begin with. those "stereotypes" were brave enough to fight back for us all, even the ones that didn't stand with them, and they were brave enough to continue to exist as they were, proudly, no matter how much and how hard this world tried to wipe them from existence or make monsters and jokes out of them. you're not just being homophobic when you shit on the real people these stereotypes are pulled from, but you're being an ignorant piece of shit who MUST learn their history if they want to keep and honor said rights.

will cannot be put into any box. that is the entire fucking POINT. "he's not like me. he's not like you. he's not like... most." <- that was said about will in the first couple minutes of the very first episode of this show. will is the outlier. the freak among freaks. the one between worlds. too dead for the living, and too alive for the dead.

i repeat: will cannot be put into ANY box and ALL sides of him must be considered. his differences are his STRENGTHS, not his weaknesses. i don't know how many more times i have to say that to you. in my original reblog i do assess that will is more soft than he is not, but that does not negate the fact that he can be both soft and sharp. can you read? can you process that? have i repeated myself enough times?

the fact that you may be queer does not mean that you know better. you also force him into a box by trying to erase certain qualities of his, and getting angry with others for pointing out his many sides and qualities.

Will is canonically boyish, not hyper-feminine.

who said that will is hyper-feminine? why do you bring that up in a conversation where not only did no one say that, but that isn't even the fucking point? why do YOU make the jump that any male character who happens to be soft MUST be hyper-feminine?

THIS WAS NOT ABOUT GENDER. IT WAS NOT ABOUT FEMININITY. ABOUT HOW BOYISH OR HOW GIRLISH HE IS. IT WAS SIMPLY ABOUT SOFTNESS AND WHAT BEING A PUNK IS. YOU MADE IT ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE SOME FUCKING BRAINWASHED SLEEPER AGENT A LA BUCKY BARNES WHO SEES CERTAIN KEY WORDS AND COMES RUNNING TO COPY AND PASTE YOUR BULLSHIT INTO MY ASKBOX. SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPPPPPPPPP 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

you are trying to argue things that you know nothing about. you think that your queerness will absolve you of your close-mindedness, but it does not and it will not. you are actively holding yourself back intellectually by hiding behind it. you are not an adept debater, and from one queer person to another, i STRONGLY suggest you find someone else to hold your hand and teach you about these things because i will not be the one to do that.

and it's not my "interpretation" you're disagreeing with when i'm quoting the duffers themselves. unless you'd like to admit that you also disagree with their interpretation too? :) oh, but i forget. truth isn't exactly your forte, is it, anonymous?

i'm not going to read or reply to anything else that you send me btw, so don't bother. if you do, i'll just cherish the chance to block you <3

[misslavenderlady]

Pretty In Pink 🎀

David/Michael

Summary: Michael has always longed to try out more feminine things but held back his desires due to shame and embarrassment. With David eager to play, that's all about to change. He can finally fulfill his desires with no judgement~

TW: This fic goes into detail about homophobia from a parent and forced heteronormativity and gender-binary standards. It's brief, but just be advised if this is a topic that's troubling for you!

WARNINGS: Nsfw/Smut/18+ Readers Only, Referenced Child Abuse (Michael's dad is just a homophobic dick), Friends to Lovers, Closeted Character, Feminization, Crossdressing, Femininity, Lingerie, Coming Out, Fantasy Fulfilling, Gaining Confidence, Flirting, First Kiss, Making Out, Touch-Starved, Grinding, Dress Up, Groping, Sexual Tension, Neck Kissing, Finger Sucking, Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, Pet Names, Mirror Sex, Voyeurism, Hand Jobs, Nipple Play, Women's Underwear, Underwear staining, Dom/sub, licking cum, Aftercare, Happy Ending, David is lowkey a sugar daddy, Human/Vampire Relationship

“Don’t be such a sissy. Boys don’t play with girly shit. Be a man, Michael!”

That was the kind of harsh stuff that Michael’s father used on him when he was a child. He was a curious little 5-year-old who had gotten into his mother’s makeup because the lipsticks and creams all looked like art supplies. He hadn’t made too much of a mess, nor had he broken anything, yet when his father found out what he was doing, he screamed until he was red in the face.

All because it was a universal rule that boys didn’t wear makeup. If they tried it, there was something “wrong” with them. Even if they were still in kindergarten and didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. Michael was grown up now and still remembered how ashamed his father made him feel that day.

As Michael went through the ups and downs of adolescence, he tried his hardest not to be caught doing anything “sissy” again. He only talked about sports and girls when he was with his friends, never put any extra effort into his appearance, and acted disgusted about anything slightly feminine. It would be a death sentence if he strayed from the path of masculinity.

It was pure hell. The older he got, the more he hated acting “manly” all the time. 

Whenever he passed by girls at school who were showing off their newest pieces of makeup, he felt a hint of jealousy that they got to be excited about that, but he couldn’t. Whenever the girlfriends of his buddies painted their nails at lunchtime, he wondered what color would look best for him. When he looked at Playboy magazines like a “normal” teenage boy, there was a lingering thought of “I wish I could try on those panties”.

But he couldn’t act on his desires, no matter what. His father was barely there for him to begin with, and Michael didn’t want to lose whatever sliver of bonding they had by losing his “manliness”. The divorce of his parents and the move to Santa Carla only complicated things more. His father didn’t want anything to do with him or Sam, so it would just be the two brothers and their mom from then on. 

That meant Michael would be the man of the house, only enforcing the pressure more. 

He would work hard labor and help provide an income to help out the family, but he still couldn’t indulge in the things he secretly yearned for. Sadness overwhelmed him when he thought about never getting the possibility of doing so.

At least, that’s what he thought until he met the Lost Boys. 

They’d all instantly taken him in as a friend, welcoming him to their club within days of him moving to Santa Carla. Michael was happy to follow their lead and grateful to have some companions. The only thing that threw him off was how the four of them presented themselves. They kept their hair flowing and shiny, wore makeup around their eyes, and had countless pieces of jewelry to decorate their hands, necks, and ears with. 

Michael never knew any guy back in Arizona that was so comfortable and expressive. The Lost Boys were so tough, yet so open. They didn’t even worry about strangers calling them offensive things. In a way, he envied how brave they were.

Those feelings got stronger on one night in particular. The boys had dragged Michael along to a strip of stores in the city. Most of them carried a bunch of tourist items like cheesy t-shirts and key chains with various names on them. But they assured Michael there were some hidden gems for the locals. Never before had he seen a group of guys so excited about finding new, flashy clothes and accessories. 

In a way, it actually brought him comfort. Like he didn’t have to be so on edge with how he acted. The more he spent time with them, the more relaxed he felt. 

And then a particular store caught his eye.

Right in between a bookstore and a surfboard shop was a boutique. A lingerie boutique, to be exact.

Michael stopped in his tracks, blue eyes locked on the window that greeted him. The mannequins were each dressed in different sets; some frilly and dainty, some skimpy and seductive. But it was the one in the very middle that truly got his attention.

It was a rather romantic-looking set. A rosy pink bra and panty set made with lacy fabric. They both were cut low but still covered the mannequin well. All the guys back home would love to see their girlfriends in something like that, but Michael only thought about wearing it himself. 

He stepped closer to the window, eyes shining and wide as he watched his reflection line up perfectly with the shape of the mannequin, showing a glimpse of what that outfit would look like on his own body. Warmth traveled to his cheeks and his heartbeat picked up in speed. He’d never wanted to buy something so bad in his life.

“Find something good, Michael?”

God, he almost jumped out of his skin. Michael turned to see David standing behind him, arms crossed over his chest and a casual, yet slightly smug grin on his face. 

“Jesus Christ, don’t sneak up on a guy like that!” Michael scolded him, clutching his chest tightly. “I could have had a heart attack”

“Sorry about that, bud,” David said, not at all with a genuine apology. He was far too interested in what his new companion was looking at. They had been to so many different stores, yet nothing had caught the human’s eye. At least, not until now. 

When David leaned over to check the window behind him, a surge of panic ran through Michael’s body. He had been gawking at lingerie, of all things. He couldn’t let his new friend know why he was doing such a thing. Even if David and the others were more open to expressing themselves, Michael was too shy to even hint at such a thing. 

He had to find a way to deter David and keep him from figuring out what he was thinking about. 

“I wasn't doing anything!"

Real smooth, Michael. 

David raised an eyebrow in curiosity, but he did his best to skirt around any possible ideas going on in his head. 

"I mean, I wasn't doing anything except checking my reflection," Michael explained. "Thought I had something on my face, but I'm all good!"

Before David could even have a fraction of a second to ask any further questions, Michael bolted down the sidewalk, looking out for the others to catch up with. 

Rather than try to catch up and grill the guy for a better answer, David stayed behind, getting a better look at what was in the window. The grin on his face only stretched wider when he was greeted with the image of lace. 

He was no dummy. It was totally obvious why Michael was looking at it so longingly. It was quite adorable that a big, masculine guy like him wanted something so pretty.

What kind of friend would David be if he didn't give Michael exactly what he wanted? He kept such a sentiment in mind as he stepped into the store. 

He had some important shopping to do. 

Having the house to himself was a luxury Michael rarely got to enjoy. Even if he had space to himself in the massive home of his grandfather, it was still nice to have some alone time while lounging in the living room or getting a workout done on the patio. 

Tonight was one of those lucky nights. Grandpa and his mom were out for a father-daughter dinner and Sam was at a sleepover with the two weird kids from the comic shop. That meant peace and quiet just by himself. 

He had just been eating some dinner. Just a bowl of cereal, since he wasn't in the mood to cook. He was on his last bite of the sugary food before he was distracted by a faint noise.

Knock knock 

Confused, Michael stood up from his seat at the table and jogged over to the front door. Who could be showing up at this time?

With a pull at the doorknob, Michael swung the door open, coming face to face with a familiar set of blue eyes and bleached blond hair. 

"Evening, Michael," David greeted him, a playful expression on his face. 

"David! Hey, man!" he said, genuinely happy to see his friend. "Whatcha doin' here?" 

The blond smirked, leaning on one hand as he held onto the doorframe. The other hand was behind his back, obscuring something from view. 

"Oh, I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd come by and show you one of the things I got from our little shopping spree yesterday" 

David revealed what was in his hand that had been hidden away. A small, white gift bag was tangling from two gloved fingers. There was no brand or store name on the material, leaving Michael completely unaware of where it was from. 

Still, his curiosity peaked, and David could see that quite clearly. 

"So, ya gonna invite me in or what?" 

Michael nodded, gesturing for his friend to enter the house. He knew his family wouldn't mind him having company over. His mother in particular worried about her sons being lonely and she was more than relieved when they started making friends. 

He gave David a quick tour of the house, casually going over rooms and features as they went. To his relief, David wasn't at all put off by the vast display of stuffed wild animals his grandfather had excessively decorated the place with. 

The two of them made their way up the staircase, heading straight to Michael's room. After being in Santa Carla for a while, he was excited to have a friend to show off his space to. The two of them laughed as they ran up each step and into his bedroom. 

"Here we are! This is where the magic happens," Michael said jokingly. It was still a bit of a mess with the remaining stuff from the move that he hadn't put away, but it did have a sense of charm to it. David nodded, approving of the space. 

"Nice and cozy," David complimented him. Not as cozy as the rafter he hung down from in the cave, but still very nice. He sat down at the foot of Michael's bed, making himself comfortable. 

"Now then," David said. "I'll bet you're wondering what I've got here, aren't you?" 

The gift bag was still in his hand as he held out his arm. He watched Michael carefully, feeling rather mischievous from the curiosity in the human's eyes. 

"Why don't you open it, Michael? I think you'll really like what's inside~"

Michael lifted an eyebrow while tilting his head ever so slightly. He hadn't a clue why David was being so coy about the contents, but he wasn't one to pass up the opportunity to open a gift. 

He took hold of the bag, eagerly peeling back the tissue paper that lined the inside. In the mix of white, a pop of color caught his eye. 

And when it did, his stomach dropped. 

Pink. Rosy pink, to be exact. 

His fingertips brushed against the fabric of lace and satin, making his blood run cold in his veins. It was the very set of bra and panties he saw the other day.

David knew. He figured out the real reason Michael had been staring so intensely at the boutique window. This had to be a prank. An act of blackmail. A sign that Michael was no longer his friend. 

Panic fueled his heart as he desperately tried to fix the situation.

"Li-Listen David, I c-can explain..!" Michael stuttered out. It was difficult to speak with such a large lump filling his throat. His hands shook, rustling the bag quite a bit. 

Yet David was acting the exact opposite. He was calm, cool, and collected. Completely unbothered by Michael's worried expression. If anything, he thought it was cute.

"Easy there, Michael. It's alright," he shushed the human. He stood from his seat, leaning in to place a gloved finger over Michael's lips. Even through the leather fabric, he knew they were soft. 

"Let me tell you some fun facts about me and my boys," David began. 

"Paul loves wearing skirts on special occasions because of the way they sway and move when he dances. Marko collects lipsticks and loves kissing with darker shades on so he can see the marks. Dwayne is exceptional at braiding hair. He especially likes adding flowers to the strands"

Michael's head was spinning. Out of all the things he expected David to say, this was certainly not one of them. 

"A-And you…?" 

"Me? I just really love having sex with other men~"

A hard throb shot through Michael's groin. All the years of knocking down anything that wasn't remotely heterosexual and masculine seemed so confusing to him now. He felt like he should be ashamed for being so intrigued, yet here he was, getting a little hot under the collar from David's boldness. 

"What…wh-why are you telling me all of this..?!" Michael managed to ask. It was so difficult to concentrate right now. 

David's devious smile did not help with that. 

"Because, Michael," he said, reaching down to tap the bag. "You're one of us now. You don't have to feel ashamed or pressured to hold back on the things you like"

David's eyes were firmly locked on Michael. A glimmer of excitement shone in the icy blue color. 

"Especially something that would make you look incredibly attractive~"

Now more than ever, Michael was overwhelmed by different thoughts in his head. The desire to finally try something feminine clashed with the fears brought on by his father's cruelty. He practically felt dizzy from it all. 

Yet here David was, the first friend he made after the move and not at all being judgmental about his wants. He was offering to help make a dream come true. 

So how could Michael possibly refuse? 

Carefully, he took the bag from David's hand, feeling somewhat jittery as he did so. While David sat back down on his spot on the bed, Michael ducked into his closet. Even if he was trying on underwear, he at least wanted just a small amount of privacy. 

T-shirt, jeans, socks, and briefs were tossed into the laundry basket, leaving Michael completely bare. He pulled the bra and panties out of the gift bag. Even in the dim light of the closet lightbulb, he admired the color of the fabric. 

The panties he slipped on one leg at a time, just as he normally would. It was such a new and strange sensation, feeling such soft and tight fabric covering his body. They ran ever so slightly too small, tugging at the skin a bit. 

The bra was a different story. He hadn't ever used one before, but after gawking at magazines for so long, he was able to figure out how to adjust the straps and the latches in the back before pulling it over his head. 

And so he was dressed and ready to show it off. Ready as he'd ever be. 

With a deep breath and a shaky hand, Michael pushed open the closet door. He stepped into the room, feeling shy as David caught his gaze. How could he not be when David was staring at him like the world's finest treasure? 

"Well, hello there~" the blond purred, eyeing him up and down. Michael's face was burning hot, embarrassment flooding over him. Never before had someone looked at him so intimately. 

"Get a little closer, Michael. No need to be shy~" 

Michael did as he was told, stepping from his spot to the center of the room. The fabric brushed against his skin with each step, clearly reminding him of what he was doing. 

Though it was snug, the outfit felt quite nice. Like he was always meant to try this. 

David kept his eyes focused as he stood up yet again. He crossed his arms over his chest and gestured to the full-length mirror Michael kept over his door. 

Each step towards it shot another jolt through his whole body. It was all happening so fast. 

And then his reflection filled the mirror. In the instance he caught sight of himself, Michael's feelings completely changed. Fear and intimidation and shame all melted away. 

He looked perfect. 

The cups of the bra held his pecs together, showing off the shape of his chest. He didn't understand how sizing worked for these things, but he didn't care. The way the material dipped downward and showed off his body was just how he wanted it to look. 

The panties rested nicely on his hips, leaving little to the imagination. Not only did the front not hide what he was packing, but turning around and looking back, he could see the curve of his ass hanging out as well. 

Michael had admired his physique many times before, but now it was like he was seeing himself for the first time. 

"I look so…"

"Lovely? Cute? Alluring?" David offered some descriptive words. Now behind Michael, he slipped a hand around, placing it right on his hip, just above the band of the panties. 

"Sexy~?" he purred. Michael could feel his heartbeat pick up in pace again. "Now that word fits you quite nicely~"

A tender smile formed on Michael's face as he drank the sight in some more. For once in his life, he looked at himself with complete joy. Happy with what he saw and had no lingering disappointment.

"I…gosh, I don't even know what to say…" he stammered. 

"Try me," David said. "Tell me, are you happy, Michael?" 

"I…It's funny…I thought if I ever did this stuff, I'd feel weak or disgusted. Maybe I'd feel like I was less of a man…"

David leaned over Michael's shoulder. He was grateful the human had given him permission to enter so he could see his own reflection next to Michael’s. It had been so long since he'd seen himself, and now he had the honor of being next to Michael for it. 

"And what is it you feel?" he asked, eyebrow raised in curiosity. 

"I just feel like…me," Michael simply stated. He ran his fingers over the lining of the bra, enjoying the patterns of the lace. "I don't feel like a different person, I just feel like I'm finally letting myself have something I always wanted" 

Any smugness David had going into this was replaced with genuine happiness for Michael. He wrapped his arms around the front of the human's body. Though he’d never really felt the embrace of another guy before, it felt right to let David do that. Hold him and be supportive. It helped Michael feel quite relaxed.

“Well, I for one, believe that pink is definitely your color,” David complimented him, nuzzling his bearded cheek against Michael’s neck. The sick feeling in his stomach was gone now, melting into the fluttery feeling of butterflies. Michael was enjoying David’s company a lot more than he anticipated. Though it felt good, it was all still a little scary.

“You’re…uh…you’re not gonna tell anyone about this…a-are you…?” he asked, voice getting a little shaky. “I know the others are cool with it, but…I…”

“Shhh~” David hushed him. He tugged Michael back into his arms a little more, still feeling quite affectionate. “Your secret is safe with me, Michael. You trust me, and I’ll help you with any other desires you want to come true~”

This intrigued the brunet boy deeply. He never felt this way about anyone before. Being a young man trying to blend in meant giving into lustful feelings towards women and pushing back attraction towards men. But David made it so easy to forget about those things. He never hesitated in giving and taking as he pleased.

Michael was starting to see how much that included him as well.

“Wh-What kind of desires…?”

“Anything,” David simply said. His lips ghosted over the skin on Michael’s throat, warm breath teasing at his nerves. Michael was certain his heart was going to burst straight out of his chest.

“If you want other pretty things to wear, I’ll gladly get them for you. If you want to try out any makeup like the other guys, I’d teach you how to use it. And if you wanted to…experiment a little, I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to showing you the ropes~”

David’s voice had slipped down in tone, yet it was no louder than a whisper. Michael wet his lips. Had he been this warm the entire time they were together?

“Really?” 

The blond took hold of his chin, leather gloves rubbing over the area. He tilted Michael's face to look back at him. 

“Really”

Any space that separated them disappeared in an instant. The warmth from Michael and a chill from David blended together as their lips met. It was like a spark had gone off, electrifying and exhilarating. 

David's eyes shut before Michael's did, and he took the lead further by pressing into their kiss more. Michael was still so fresh. So inexperienced and innocent. It made David long for the ability to corrupt and bend him to his will. Even if he gave Michael exactly what he wanted, David would still truly be the one in control. 

Michael certainly didn't mind that one bit. After being so trapped and restrained for years, it was nothing short of relieving to finally enjoy himself. When he first met David, he was intimidated by him. At the time, he thought it was the tough, gang leader persona he had. 

Now he knew he was just intimidated by how attractive he was. But the way David kissed him so passionately said that the feeling was mutual. 

"Mmmmh, there you go, Michael~" David purred after breaking their kiss. His lips were soon back on Michael, pressing into his jaw and neck. The brunet's heart was racing, and it teased the vampire greatly. 

"Aaah~!" Michael whimpered. Only a minute after their first kiss and David was already mapping out the sensitive spots Michael didn't realize he had. 

As David lapped his tongue over the marks he left, Michael could feel himself getting more and more turned on by the second. To his surprise, the tightness of his panties only fueled his arousal more. They rubbed his half-hard cock so hard, yet he wanted more. 

He never wanted to wear men's underwear again. 

"Heh. Someone's getting excited~" David teased, nipping at the pulse point on Michaels's throat. 

"F-Fuck, I really can't help it…~" Michael admitted. There were those butterfly feelings again. 

"Don't fight it, Michael. Just let yourself have fun~"

David lifted the hand that had been around Michael's body and let it drift lower. He growled lowly when his fingers wrapped around the thick bulge behind the underwear. Michael was so big, he could easily slip out of the small pair of panties. 

"How about we have a little more fun~?" David whispered in his ear. Michael was even more riled up now. He never felt the touch of another guy before, but he was already putty in David's hand. 

He nodded quickly, eager for more. 

"If I'm gonna play with you, then I want you to keep your eyes on that mirror the entire time," David ordered. He held Michael's chin a little harder now, encouraging him to look up at his reflection. "No need to be shy with me. You're too pretty for that~"

Michael whined out, unable to hold back his voice. Pretty. He was desperate to hear that again. He was a pretty boy in pretty lingerie. 

Pretty for David~ 

His lashes fluttered as David worked his magic. He kept one hand firmly on Michael's jaw and the other moved to cup his chest. David squeezed eagerly, fingers pawing at the flesh and moving over the padding of the bra. Years of workouts had worked quite nicely for Michael. He filled the bra perfectly, and the way it pushed up made him look extra perky. 

"That's it, so good for me, aren't you?" David cooed. "Wish the other boys back at your school felt you up like this, huh~?"

The sound of agreement that came from Michael's mouth was the most pathetic thing David had ever heard. He loved it. 

"Bet you were really jealous of all those girls, huh? Wanted to wear something sexy under your gym clothes and get groped by all the jocks in the locker room~"

"Ho-Holy shit..~!" Michael sighed. David had such a way with words. Every sound of his voice only excited him more. "Y-Yeah…I did…"

Back again was the evil tone in David's expression. His own cock was getting rock hard in his pants as he traveled his fingers downward. They glided over every muscle on Michael's body before settling back on his groin. Though the fabric of the panties was tight, Michael was still showing off such an impressive erection in them. 

David’s hand was off of his body, for only a second. He did so to remove the glove on his hand, grabbing it with his teeth and letting it fall to the ground when he let go. Once his fingers were wrapped around the bulge, he was quite satisfied. If he was going to enjoy Michael’s body, he wanted to do so with as few barriers as possible.

“Sucha big guy, aren’t you~?” David whispered. He slipped his tongue along the length of Michael’s neck, earning such sweet mewls from him. “You fill this out so nicely. I’m glad I didn’t pick a bigger size for you~”

If Michael’s brain wasn’t so hazy with lustful feelings, he would have asked David how he knew the right size to get in the first place. However, that was the last thing on his mind. All he could focus on was gyrating his hips forward, desperately trying to get more of David’s touch. He’d never felt so desperate for something in his life.

“Mmf…f-fuck, David!” he whined. The tip of his cock was starting to stain the pink fabric with the spots of pre-cum leaking out. Looking at David in the mirror behind him, he could see how pleased the blond was to watch him make a mess.

“You want more, Michael?” he asked. “You’re gonna have to ask nicely like a good boy~”

At this point, Michael’s face was turning the same shade as the underwear he wore. So pink and so flustered by how David ordered things. He gulped audibly, trying desperately to fight back the embarrassment of having to plead for more of the touch. 

“Please touch me more! F-Fuck…I…I just need it so bad, D-David…~!”

That was all David needed to hear. He removed the hand that held Michael’s jaw and removed the other glove before swiping his fingers over Michael’s puffy, pink lips.

“Suck,” he ordered.

Michael obliged right away. He opened his mouth slightly, allowing for the digits to fill him. He whimpered around them, yet still sucked them gently as David asked him to do. It felt so right having his mouth full like this and watching himself coat the fingers was an extra dose of pleasure for their moment together.

When David was satisfied, he slipped his hand away before switching the position of how he held Michael. Now the hand that had been groping Michael was clutching his jaw, and the soaked one slipped down into the front of his panties. A loud sigh poured from Michael’s mouth as he felt fingers wrap around his cock. He was twitching so painfully for him.

“That’s it. That’s a good boy~” David praised him, stroking along Michael’s length. Thankfully, the warmth of Michael’s mouth had helped hide the cool touch that his fingers naturally held. Not to mention the sheer skill and experience he had over the human boy was doing wonders. Many a night he’d done things like this for his boys, and being as Michael was one of them now, he was happy to do this for him too. 

“Look at yourself, Michael,” he ordered, tilting Michael’s chin up more. Both sets of blue eyes watched the mirror carefully. “Watch yourself enjoy the pleasure. Learn how good it feels to give in to what you want~”

Michael couldn’t form any words. Just desperate whines and moans came from his mouth. He humped pathetically into David’s hand, still loving the friction from his outfit. Only David was still completely composed in this embrace.

“My pretty boy with a fat cock~” he purred, teeth nipping at Michael’s throat. 

He was fighting the urge to sink his fangs into the flesh and begin Michael’s transformation. Never before had he wanted to initiate someone so fast. But he knew patience was a virtue, and Michael would be his soon. So instead, he pulled the human in closer, grinding his erection into his ass.

“AAahhhh~!” Michael sighed, head tossing back onto David’s shoulder. Reluctantly, David released his jaw in favor of slipping his hand down the front of Michael’s chest. He grabbed at his pec, eager to touch him more. 

“Yeah, that’s it. You really are pretty, Michael,” he whispered. The hand slipped into one of the bra cups, flicking and toying with Michael’s hardened nipple. It only made the brunet thrust into his other hand faster. “Big, blue doe eyes, gorgeous curls, lips that would make anyone wanna kiss you. I’m gonna enjoy spoiling you, sweet thing~”

Michael was truly coming undone. Between grinding against David and moving into his hand, he was getting closer and closer to the pleasure he was desperate for. No more fears and no more holding back. David was giving him everything and more.

Oh my god, I think I’m in love, Michael thought.

“D-David, please…~!” he whimpered. “Get me out of these so I can cum!” 

“No no, Michael,” David tutted, squeezing him harder. “You’re gonna make a mess in this cute outfit. Gotta mark it as yours. Can’t take ‘em back if you’ve ruined them, cutie~”

David could really be so mean sometimes, but he was just too amazing not to listen to. Michael just nodded helplessly, watching David paw at him like a piece of meat. Even when he was used like this, he still felt so much affection for his friend-turned-lover. It really did feel amazing to be treated as a pretty little plaything.

The two of them continued rutting together. Their hips moved in sync while David jerked Michael off faster now, coaxing him to cum as he wanted to so badly. It didn’t take much for Michael’s body to start tensing up, his climax building up with every passing second.

“C’mon, Michael. Give in to me. Say my name~” 

“David! David! D-David~!!” he babbled helplessly.

In a flash, the pleasure consumed him, and he came fast and hard. With his eyes squeezed shut and his voice shouting loudly, he coated David’s fingers and the pink panties. David chuckled in amusement as the front of the underwear got completely stained. He’d been hoping to see that tonight, and now he had gotten exactly what he wanted.

“There you go. Good boy~” he cooed, kissing Michael’s cheek a few times to reward him.

It took Michael a little while to finally come back down from his high. As he caught his breath and settled into the warm, cozy sensation, he opened his eyes again to see his reflection once more. The look in David’s eye was something of both satisfaction and smugness. He was quite proud of himself for making Michael come undone. 

While Michael continued to relax, David slipped his hand free, bringing it up to his hand to clean off the cum that covered his fingers. He moaned happily, already addicted to the taste as lapped up the warm, wet fluid. Everything about Michael was absolutely delicious. 

“C’mere. Let me give you a taste of yourself too~”

David moved Michael so they were face to face again. Their lips met once more, kissing deeply so David could slip his tongue into Michael’s mouth and let him experience what he tasted like. More aroused noise came from the human at the intense sensation. He wanted to kiss David for hours and hours. It was as if he was slipping into an addiction.

They broke free after a few minutes, gazing at one another silently. It was Michael that ended up speaking first.

“David…I….damn, I really can’t thank you enough,” he sighed, resting his head on David’s shoulder. Little did he know that the affection he held for the vampire was doing wonders for David’s own pleasure.

“You’re more than welcome, Michael,” David said. “No more holding back on yourself. Anything pretty you want, you can have. All you gotta do is ask”

Michael pulled back, eyes shimmering with wonder at all the possibilities. 

“Then…can we….uh…do more of that…~?”

David bit back a smirk. One handjob and Michael was already turning into a sweet little slut. It pleased him immensely, knowing he was already sinking his hooks into the cute human. With a new fire ignited, he brought Michael down onto the bed near them.

“Consider it done~”

The Lost Boys had already enjoyed having Michael as a friend and a new member of their gang, but now that he and David had become a thing, it was even better. Michael was far more open and outgoing around them, eager to go along with whatever they wanted to do. It was like he had gotten a much need boost of confidence, always open to trying new things.

It was always a good time whenever they all got together.

Paul, Dwayne, and Marko were hanging out by their motorcycles, hidden in the shadows of a nearby parking lot while waiting for the two lovebirds to show up. They each puffed on a cigarette, enjoying one another’s company. It was Marko who perked up first when he caught sight of two other rides heading their way. 

“There they are!” he said, flicking away the smoke. Paul and Dwayne followed suit, tossing the cigarettes and stepping on them with their boots. 

Once parked, Michael and David cut the engines and hopped off of their rides. David was dressed the same way he looked every night, not really one for mixing up his style. 

Michael, on the other hand, was a different story. 

Rather than the usual set of t-shirt and jeans, Michael had gotten a little more bold with his wardrobe. He wore a deep-cut, hot pink leopard print shirt with a black corset wrapped around his waist. His pants were a tighter fabric than he usually went with, a dark, shiny leather material rather than loose denim. He had laced-up boots with small heels. 

His choice of accessories was much more flashy as well, with his new earring, a rainbow of bracelets, and a velvet, pink choker wrapped around his neck. He'd gotten more experience with makeup as well, his eyes shaded with eyeshadow and liner and his lips glossy with a rosy shade of pink. 

Michael was truly a new man, and he couldn't have been happier. The joy on his friends' faces told him they were sharing the excitement.

"Woah! Lookin' hot, Mikey!" Paul complimented him. 

"It's a good look for you," Dwayne nodded in agreement. 

"I wish I looked that good in pink. It's a much better fit for you than me, bud," Marko grinned. 

Their compliments did wonders for Michael's confidence. He smiled bashfully as his cheeks turned a soft shade of red. He'd never been so grateful for friends in his life. 

His thoughts were interrupted by David softly nudging him to get his attention. 

"Hey, Michael? Can you grab my lighter from my bike before we go? I forgot it"

“Yeah, no problem!” Michael assured David, giving his cheek a peck before making his way back to the bike. Little did he know that the vampire set him up to do that on purpose, knowing that he’d have to bend down towards the bottom of the side to get the lighter out of a hidden spot. 

When Michael did so, his pants shifted down while his shirt lifted up ever so slightly. Just enough to give a glimpse of the newest set of panties David had gifted him. Black this time and even skimpier than the first pair he’d ever gotten if that was even possible. The four vampires watched him with a deep hunger, salivating over how good he looked in it.

After retrieving the lighter, Michael turned around, surprised to see all of them staring at him. He smirked and lifted an eyebrow in curiosity.

"What?"

David simply smiled and eyed Michael carefully, undressing him with just a gaze.

“Oh nothing,” he said. “You’re just so…pretty~”

[torawro]

SOSAAAA

RAAAHHHHH EJ !!! hi hi hi ! how are you doing lately ?! i sent you and ask already begging on my knees for an apology from you because i haven’t been able to answer this ask in a timely fashion 😞 i wanted to wait until after i caught up with the latest episode in bleach and now that i finally HAAVVEEEE WE CAN HAVE OUR WEEKLY DISCUSSION ABOUT IT ! i love you, and i love this lil tradition we have together <3333 bleach: tybw cour 2 spoilers if you aren’t caught up !!!

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AJSHSHAJAKAKQKWKWKWKSOWOQOKDJWJSJDJEJCUEHHRJRIFIENENEMWKWOSNWNWKWOWOWOSJDNWJWODIWOWKWJWNWJE ! <- this is LITERALLY my brain watching the latest ep bc like !!! hello!!! helooooo so much excitement and swoon worthy moments ?! can we PLEASE . please talk about kensei? kensei muguruma you beefy sexy strong man i want you and i need you real bad. REAL MF BADDDDD I WAS EATING UP ALL OF HIS SCREEN TIME OKAAAYAYAUUA!! when he got up after getting punched , the way he cracked his neck and it was a sloooooooowww pan up from his chest to his face ???? AND YK HIS SHIHAKUSHŌ HAS ALL THIS CLEAVAGE SO HIS MAN BOOBIES WERE PEEKING OUT? oh they sluttified that manly man in the best ways possible and i need to choke on his balls and have his children. we’ll have twin girls for suresies because im headcanoning that kensei is a girl dad , anyone who disagrees can argue with the wall.

ANYWAYYY im getting so far off track 😖😖😖 next next next let’s talk about rose’s BANKAI???? idk if it’s just me but i personally would have been extremely creeped out if i were to be attacked by such a thing bc it’s really an offense that stacks your senses😭😭😭 they animated it, and everything else in this episode very very well, his bankai ability is so…so unique but also very powerful at the same time and and did u see the way rose was smirking as he held the conductor’s baton !!!!! that BRIEF LOOK OF INSANITY FROM ENJOYING THAT MOMENT? yeah i will be heading to bed now.

AND THAT WASNT EVEN THE BEST PARTTTTT I KNOW U SAY RENJI AND RUKIA’S ENTRANCE???????? renji’s esp was TEWWW FUCKING COLDDDD HELLO???? when renji is so serious he acts extremely calm and cool and collected it makes him even sexier 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ah i was so proud of him bossing up like that and hardly breaking a sweat over masculine and his TRUE shikai and bankai looked even better than it did in the manga !!!! once again studio pierrot are DOWWNNN on cinematography and coloring and animation bc it was such a spectacle !!! we didn’t get any ichi crumbs this episode so it made me a little a lot pouty :/ butttt to compensate we DID get little uryū and jugram crumbs so I’m not as sad bc THEY LOOK SEXY ASFFFFF THEY WERE GORGEOUS !!!! now ej i MUST hear your thoughts ✨

[polyamorouspunk]

Hello to my fave polypunk blog!

Now, it's totally okay if you don't feel like giving advice on the matter, since it's not directly about poly relationship stuff (although I am), but, I've got no better ideas on who to ask since my partners have all pretty much shrugged and been like "IDK I don't know the best play here either." But yeah, feel totally free to just leave this one in the ask box.

So, theoretically, if you were a trans guy flirting with a gay man over the web who has never seen you, how would you go about gauging his interest in trans guys without necessarily implicating yourself and ruining whatever image he's got of you in his head?

Technically, I suppose it doesn't matter, since I doubt we'll ever really meet. But it would be nice to be able to flirt without like, avoiding mentioning aspects of your own body, hence, wanting to find out. But also, it's fun to be casually flirty, and it would be sad and would hurt if he suddenly viewed me as a girl and started treating me like one. So I'd rather keep the illusion of being a cis guy alive for him if he doesn't have interest in trans bodies. Not because I want to "trick" him, but more because, since we're never gonna meet anyway, I'd rather he imagine me as a cis boy than a girl, and therefore talk to me as one, because it's been cathartic to have that kind of unhesitant acceptance of my masculinity.

Again, ultimately, it doesn't really matter. It's casual, for fun, unserious flirting. It's fun enough as it is, and we both know it isn't gonna go anywhere so a little bit of feeding into a fantasy isn't really a problem. I can keep playing the role of a guy who has been a guy the whole time. But it would be doubly nice to let that last bit of guard down.

As it stands, I've already often mentioned that "people mistake me for a girl all the time", and that "puberty didn't treat me well so I never got a deep voice or any height, but at least it gave me a fat ass and nice tits in exchange", and shown my tiny delicate hands after mentioning how they aren't very manly-looking, which aren't particularly damning factors on their own, but I feel like if I outright ask how he feels about trans guys after all that, the pieces are gonna click and change his mental picture of me whether or not I want him to change it yet, so I was hoping you might be able to think of a subtler method.

No I totally feel that. That’s why it’s so much easier for me to be like online as a trans guy (ish) instead of like irl because like. I do not pass at all. And right now I’m not looking to pass. But when I have an unrealistic crush on a gay guy a part of me always wants to be like “hey… ya like… boys… who don’t look like boys… or sound like boys… or ID as boys 90% of the time….” Like yeah the amont of gay dudes I have a crush on is. Sad. Like. Yeah.

I’m in kind of a similar place, perhaps like a tangential place, where I’ve been playing the “no gender, no problem” game a bit and I kinda wanna be like. Actually yeah this is my gender.

Like it’s nice when people online see you as just “a guy”, not cis, not trans, etc. Or see you as not even a girl or a guy just a person. I think it can be subtle enough if you can say something like “so do a lot of gay guys date pre-op trans guys or is it like they gotta have a dick and if that’s the case do they date a lot of post-op trans guys?”

Or, go the “character” route where you pick a [identity] character and talk about them. Like, this is SUCH a bad example but I know in 911 Lone Star there’s an arc where a trans guy is trying to date and he gets outed or outs himself or something and it goes bad because the trans thing like idk bringing it up as a “fictional character” is something I’ve seen suggested for polyamory and also suggested for polyamory. I hope that makes sense.

Or you could talk about how YOU have dated trans people and see where that leads. Like “yeah I dated a trans guy once it was great” and they maybe say something idk.

I hope something like that helps and as always if anyone else has any advice I’m open to them dropping it.

[the7thcrow]

i have no idea why i only just now decided to follow u on tumblr because not all that glitters is gold is literally one of the best fanfics ive ever read. it has to be in my top 3. its been my favorite ever since i had first read it in like december. everytime i get a notification that u have updated, its literally pure dopamine!!

i absolutely adore the mc. shes amazing and i loveee her. but damn girly has been through soooo much in such a short time, she really needs a break. like i have a list of all the things shes been through in my notes💀. the fact that she has to bare all her pain on her own, after so much trauma, just makes me sooo sad </3, like let me give her a hug.

anyway the enemies to lovers situation thats going on between her and woo is literally superior omggg. him slowly starting to care about her🤭🤭, the slowburn is immaculate!!! literally has me giggling and kicking my feet. its too good. i will forever stand by the opinion that nobody can write better enemies to lovers than fanfic writers!!!

san is 100% my favorite character. im literally obsessed with him omgg. the way hes just so strong and masculine while also being so fucking kind and empathetic to the mc??? so manly while being such a sweetheart??? literally the greenest flag ever. its just so attractive, like i want him😫. (and if he does have red flags, im ignoring them btw.) so yes i think im in love with him.

im very much looking forward to future updates. thank you for creating this story, its truly a masterpiece!! love u!!

omg one of your favourites?? stop i'm a pile of mush and fuzzy feelings right now. fortunately, I'm posting the next chapter today so I hope the dopamine is extra good after the months i have left you in waiting LMAO.

but please the mc list??? you gotta drop me an ask with it because even I am curious to see it all laid out 💀 homegirl has really been through it.

I'm glad you're appreciating the slow-burn, it's been extremely fun and satisfying to write. + i completely agree about san. I know I wrote him, but I'm in love with him too. how can u not be, it's san.

you're the sweetest. I truly love asks like this, and I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts and feelings going forward (but seriously pls drop the list of what mc has gone through im begging) <333

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image IDs: Image #1: Headline reading: There isn't a 'masculinity crisis.' Conservative men are just babies by Hunter for Daily Kos on May 26, 2023.

Image #2: Text reading: I will spare you the details from the transcript, other than the Times crew pondering to themselves why women don't like accused rapist and performative misogynist Andrew Tate and do like men who are the complete f-king opposite of that, and what's going to happen to all the little boys who want to grow up and have muscles and girlfriends and sports cars.

Image #3: Text reading: If you were to make it through the first third of the segment, though, you would reach the part where Dougthat gets to weigh in with a bit of amateur anthropology, grousing that with the decline of heavy manufacturing and rise of the service economy, men are "in a crisis" because "[t]heir skill sets, the benefits of their greater upper-body strength, and so on are no longer as economically useful."

Image #4: Text reading: There is not "crisis of masculinity" in America. It does not exist. It is made up, just as it has been made up at every other point in history including 1.) when women were allowed to vote. 2.) when women began to enter the workforce in slightly larger numbers than in the decades before that, or 3.) when women were able to open bank accounts without their husbands' permissions. There are wonderful old-timey comics featuring sad-sack men in dresses crying about their fate when those other historical trends poked at their fragile emotions.

The problem in America is not that the menfolk are adrift due to cultural changes that do not allow them to fully use their upper body strength. The problem is not that the womenfolk are looking at the astonishingly scuzzy Andrew Tate with disgust while turning their gazes instead to men who know how to clean themselves and/or own slacks.

The problem is that conservative men are big gigantic whining babies about everything, whimpering to themselves whenever any event happens in the world that does not revolve around them and their own personal desires.

This "crisis" is that liberal men have taken all the masculinity for themselves while conservative men work themselves up into crying, flag-waving tantrums whenever cartoon candy mascots show up with less sexy footwear than they had been hoping for. The Andrew Tates of the world are the least manly men there are, and the "crisis" is a modern conservative fetishization of so-called "masculinity" that considers any cultural reference other than low burping sounds to be an affront against their "way of life."

Image #5: Text reading: Conservative men are the biggest snowflakes on the planet right now. They're infantile in their presumptions of what "manhood" is supposed to be. Being a "man," to the American right, means being able to shoot people who knock on your front door. It means lying about elections when elections don't go your way. It means "protecting" your family by making sure any LGBTQ+ children in your child's school are punished good and hard if they so much as remind anyone else of their existence.

Conservative manhood is shooting a case a beer because of some momentary corporate acknowledgement of someone who is Not Them. It's sucking up to the most transparent grifting political crook of the last century because he makes up insulting nicknames for other candidates and, to a manly man, that's just the most manly behavior anyone on the right can think of.

Image #6: Text reading: Look, I'm very sorry if liberal men have taken all the masculinity for themselves, but it's not like conservative men couldn't claim some of it back if they wanted to. It's not a finite resource. You could buck up and put on your big boy pants and be me again anytime you want to, but no. You want to put on your weird little shows, and look at product literature for "testicle tanning," and tie your whole identity to a seditionist crapsack and to the same enemies list of "educators, scientist, immigrants, nonwhites, non-Christians, sexual 'deviants'" that the German Nazi party came up with almost a century ago.

Do you define manhood as being able to protect your family and neighborhood? Then stop singling out children for retaliation for asking questions about their own sexuality, you cowardly dirtbags. Do you define it as patriotism? Might want to rein in the constant stream of stupidity-based hoaxes whenever an election doesn't go your way; feel free to stop waving that flag around long enough to burp out an "attempting to overthrow the United States is bad" take or two. /End IDs]

These are some snippets from the article.

Highly suggest.

The Republican 'crisis of masculinity' has devoured the entire party.