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sailor-cresselia · 5 years

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Zero One 03: When in doubt, apply more elemental forces

It’s Kamen Rider Valkyrie time! Here we go!

–

So, Aruto and Izu are at a small sushi restaurant, to finalize a contract for an artisan sushi-chef HumaGear. Said HumaGear prepares a serving, which he presents ot Aruto. When Aruto goes to try, Izu yoinks the tracy away from him, saying that they aren’t supposed to be here for food.

He grabs the sushi anyway, surprising her.

He thinks it’s great, but the owner of the restaurant tells the ‘young prez’ that he’s backing out of the deal, and they can take the HumaGear back.

Izu, being the wonderful ball of snark that she is, asks if it was because of the ‘joke’ Aruto made.

But no. It’s because it’s a robot.

This is the first time we’ve heard the word robot in this show. It’s always been HumaGear, up until now.

A woman steps in, saying that ‘he still doesn’t get it.’ Hi, Yua. What’re you doing here? I can’t shake the feeling that you know the chef. But she also says that there is great value in HumaGear. This surprises both the elderly chef, and Aruto. He’s not used to her siding with him.

–

A HumaGear sits in a chair, with morse code playing in the background, and a narration starts up…

IT’S OP TIME.

(Oh gaim, I can’t wait to see how GenmCorp properly stylizes the lyrics, and same for O-T. RiderTime doesn’t sub songs at all, and the other two haven’t uploaded yet.)

The narration gives a short rundown of what HumaGear are, and then brings up the young CEO who will “jump to the sky to protect the dreams of many.” The shot here? It’s footage of Aruto about to transform, from episode two. From when he was going up against Ekal. (Oh, no, my heart.)

Accompanying the chant of ‘zero one’, we have headshots of each Rider – helmet first, then themselves. Zero One to Aruto, Vulcan to Isamu, Valkyrie to Fua, Jin to… well, Jin, and Horobi to Horobi. The numerals 0 and 1 appear each time the respective one is said, the helmets lining up with the 0’s and faces with 1’s. There’s then brief suit shots framed in what look like written characters, but zoomed in too close for me to tell.

As the lyrics themselves start, there’s a fast pan from the fencing around Daybreak Town, across the city, and directly up the Hiden Intelligence building into Aruto’s office.

Aruto’s becoming quickly surrounded and overwhelmed by stacks upon stacks of binders, not helped by Izu adding more and more. Eventually, he just slumps down, sobbing in defeat, and she bows in ‘apology’ as a stack slides down onto his head.

There’s Isamu, walking through a lobby, and the shot pans to his ShotRiser, held in his hand, which turns and transitions to Yua’s ShotRiser on her desk.

Then Jun, Shesta, and that one other Hiden board member in front of Jun’s portrait quickly falling off the wall, with Aruto’s behind it – and oh, god, it’s Aruto trying to make a joke. (Shesta doesn’t even blink at the giant painting about to land on the three of them.)

A dark area, with the ruins of Daybreak Town as a frame, with Jin and oh goody, he’s shooting at the screen with his literal gun, which he loaded on screen with his creepy grin. He looks behind him, and we pan to Horobi, who has his usual stoic glare, and he holds up a ZetsumeRiser.

The center of the ZetsumeRiser transitions to looking down the barrel of an AIMS grunt’s gun, and zooms out to have battle-ready Isamu and Yua aiming their own guns at the screen. He has his ShotRiser, and she has a normal gun.

Then it jump-cuts to Aruto, running toward the camera down a very, very ruined street, reaching desperately out. Oh, no.

The next jump cut is to a long-haired Izu, in a similarly ruined street. With her ear pieces lit in red, as are her eyes. Oh, no. She raises up a hand, and there’s. Uh. I didn’t catch this in the live watch. As the screen very quickly glitches out, it looks like there’s blood in the palm of her hand. Fortunately, I’m able to get a decent pause after about 10 tries, and can see that everything in this shot is greyscale, with the exception of three colors. The teal of her outfit and index fingernail, the red of her eyes, and the bright blue of the HumaGear blood in her hand. (I know that technically, it’s hydraulic fluid or some such, but. Well, for a HumaGear, it’s the same thing.)

The shot drops directly from her hand to a giant puddle of the HumaGear blood. Oh, no.

It zooms right through said puddle, turning it to the lake that used to be Daybreak Town, going right for that crashed satellite.

Jump cut. A generic HumaGear looks up at the screen, eyes glowing bright red, and quickly zooms out to a crowd of HumaGear in the same state. Yay!

Profile shot of a HumaGear entering it’s Magia form – earpieces glowing red, and those awful pipes escaping its mouth.

A massive circle of HumaGear in that state, surrounding Aruto before he transforms. They’re fully made over into mooks at the same time as his armor forms.

Zero One delivers some of his lighting fast kicks to the swarming mooks. The camera spins to a different location, with Vulcan, similarly surrounded, punching and then shooting at mooks. Valkyrie uses his shoulder as a launch point to leap into the air, shooting some bullets of her own, before literally bouncing off of the giant phone that falls out of the sky. She goes off screen as the phone turns into Zero One’s bike, which he lands on.

We have our first shot of the three of them together, all landing in the street, surrounded by mooks.

Then we have separate, generic action shots of the three with their weapons of choice – Zero One’s attache-case sword, and the preferred sizes of Vulcan and Valkyrie’s guns. Then shadowed shots of Jin and Horobi (suit forms), although I genuinely don’t know which one is which.

Tranistion from the second, who I suspect is Horobi, going by the firsts more ‘actiony’ stance, to in front of Hiden Intelligence. Hiden Korenosuke stands there, is quickly replaced by Hiden Soreo, and then Aruto – the three generations of Hiden men. Aruto’s looking down, hesitantly, at the driver in his hand. Then, he finds his determination.

Jump to a very concerning shot of the Zero One Driver, two ShotRisers, and what I suspect are the drivers that Jin and Horobi are going to use, among a lot of rubble, in the rain. Then, a somewhat glitchy cut to the lower portion of Izu’s face, with a single tear running down her cheek. Oh, no.

Then, Aruto staggering, clearly injured, in the rain through a very destroyed street. he’s practically in the background, honestly, with rubble, fences, patches of fire, and destroyed HumaGear taking up most of the scene. The HumaGear are both mooks and normal, I think. There’s still a lot of that once-pristine white that the mooks lose.

He collapses, either giving up, or giving in to whatever injuries he has. Or both. But Izu reaches down to him, the sun coming out, and he takes her hand. She helsp him up, and they stand, back to the camera, facing the sunlight.

Red and blue lines of light form a platform of sorts in an otherwise black void. Jin and Horobi step toward the left of the screen, and then Isamu and Yua toward the right. Aruto and Izu stand in the center.

Everyone is in their normal forms momentarily, before their armor forms around the five Riders, and Izu dissolves into a light blue stream of zeros and ones. Smash cut to the five Riders helmets. I’m using smash cut very literally here, as each is framed in the largest sections of what is essentially a shattered mirror.

Fast transition to the silhouettes of the five, the eyes of their helmets lit up, as their shadows stretch to toward the front of the screen.

–

I really like this OP sequence. We’re on some Ex-Aid levels of foreshadowing and special effects here. Not so say I haven’t liked other OPs, but honestly, of the ones I’ve seen (Decade through to now, and Kabuto) this is tied with Ex-Aid, and they both only just beat out Builds. Build would have made it a three way tie for first, if they had ever updated certain shots. You know, like. Cross-Z Charge should have been phased out for Cross-Z Magma, and they just kept that shot of governmental Gentoku at the beginning of it throughout the entire run, even though it was out of date by the end of about the first half, or even third of the show.

It makes sense, this truly is Mr. Takahashi’s style. There was a comment I made right after watching live… uh. Something about “Oh, they wouldn’t put Izu getting Magear’d into the OP sequence as foreshadowing, it’s just an unfortunate timing thing to have her right before the hacking sequence…” And then I remembered the shots in the Ex-Aid OP of Emu dissolving, and I felt true fear.

–

Okay, okay, back to the show.

Jin and Horobi are being ominous, as usual. Jin asks, while bouncing around the room, if Horobi’s really going to ignore Zero One and AIMS. Horobi’s not concerned, since they already have their plan underway.

I really don’t like the next comment of his, though. “The completion of our arc revival is near,” accompanied by the camera following a giant bundle of cables through a pipe, and to that crashed satellite. I don’t like this at all. I’m also not liking how RiderTime translated that line, it feels really awkward, but whatever.

They just need to collect more data, which is also very concerning, and Horobi hands Jin another Zetsumerise Key.

–

Okay, so. Up in Jun’s office, he’s kinda pissed that the literal CEO of the company is out doing sales rounds. Which, okay, valid. But still. Aruto is a good boy, and he just wants what’s best… and, as Shesta says, he’s also visiting HumaGears workplaces to try and catch the local terrorists. (Pity they’re actually based in the quarantine zone.)

Anyway, the restaurant is called Magokoro Sushi. The owner, the old man, has been looking for an heir since he injured his back.

Jun says that they may as well leave this be. If the contract works out, the company will look good. If not, then he can totally use this as an excuse to get Aruto out of the company. He and his lacky start laughing, and Shesta… ‘joins in,’ just saying ‘ha ha ha’ over and over. It’s wonderful.

Also something I noticed about Shesta is that she has a red streak in the back of her hair, similar to the teal undertones that Izu has. Both of them match the accents on their respective outfits. Neat.

–

Back at Magokoro Sushi, Yua uploads… something to Nigiro, the HumaGear of the day. She doesn’t really explain what she’s just sent him when Aruto asks, just saying that he ought to know if he’s the CEO. Which. Uh. That doesn’t help us in the slightest. I don’t think it’s the learning program she mentions next, though. I’m hoping it’s some sort of security patch. Key word being hope.

(I mean, I’ve already seen the episode raw, so. Uh. Yeah. The key there is that I really, really hope there are security patches.)

Izu, thankfully, is a fountain of information, and explains that Nigiro analyzed data from Yua’s Risephone, and is making the choice most suited to his patrons tastes.

And suited it very definitely is, given her almost ecstatic reaction to her serving. Looks like we’ve found the way to her heart: A healthy appreciation for technology, and good food.

Aruto’s really glad that she gets his appreciation of HumaGears, even though she immediately tried to return to her usual stoic tendencies when she remembered who she was with. As she says, it’s up to humans how to live with HumaGear.

(Her expression at this point, and it being in reaction to food, is what led me and Miyuko to make our first ‘Kabuto: TWO’ comment of the episode.)

The chef still doesn’t look impressed.

–

Elsewhere, a barber HumaGear hears a slight beeping sound as he bids another satisfied customer farewell. He’s confused, a little, and then freaking Jin bounces in out of nowhere to make a new friend.

Go away, Gremlin 2.0!

–

Nigiro prepares a serving of sushi – squid, this time – for the owner, who very reluctantly eats it… and calls it disgusting. He says, bitterly, that making sushi isn’t a job for a robot. Again, he’s specifically using the term ‘robot,’ and says that it’s because they don’t have souls.

Oh, no.

Aruto’s a little confused.

But the owner, hobbling to his feet, says that Magokoro Sushi will die with him.

(Sir, this is Kamen Rider, and we’ve already seen that this season is not above the dark stuff! Don’t tempt fate like this!)

The group watches him leave, and Yua’s phone rings. I like her ringtone, it’s some sort of mechanical tune.

There’s a Magear on the loose.

–

Outside, the barber is advancing on a fleeing group of people – including someone who was clearly in the middle of being his customer.

An AIMS van pulls up, troopers and Isamu in tow.

The bullets, as usual, do absolutely nothing to damage the poor hijacked HumaGear. They do, however, provide a convenient smoke screen to cover up his transformation. Thus, the show is saved just that little bit of CGI budget, and we don’t have to see that again.

The CGI budget for the horrifying transformation pipes is then immediately spent on attack tentacles.

I wish I were kidding.

Today’s Magear is Neohi. He’s a squid. Or, well, he’s based on Neohibolites, a genus of cephalopod. …He’s a squid.

Isamu, whose general attitude is ‘when in doubt, apply more bullets’, pulls out his transformation kit. He still has to force the key open. It doesn’t take nearly as much force this time, but I, personally, think he broke the locking mechanism last time.

Yua, after last episode, probably: I’m not fixing it until you stop being an ass!

Isamu: Then I’ll just have to keep doing this my way.

Gods, his transformation is still way too cool for him. The bullet actively zooms around to block the tentacles before rushing back to him for him to, and I feel this can not be over stated, literally punch in order to form his armor. I’m probably never going to get over this, so. Fair warning on that front.

Yua runs up, pissed that he’s done this again.

Yua, I love you. You deserve a better partner. Have you considered becoming Aruto’s advisor on technology? He could use it, and you deserve to get away from Vulcan.

(Also, please note that they haven’t used the name ‘Vulcan’ in show yet, only ‘Zero One’.)

Frustrated, especially at how Vulcan tells her that this one is his, so she can just stand back and watch, Yua heads to the van, determination written on her face.

Unseen by either AIMS agent, Aruto and Izu also join the party, and he quickly transforms after calling Vulcan a showoff.

There's some brief but efficient fighting, including Zero One bullet-timing a jump over the shots Vulcan aimed at him. I love the choreography in this show.

So, Zero One manages to slice off a few of Neohi’s tentacles, which promptly get stuck on him. because. Y’know, suckers. And also they’re still squirming. Neohi promptly decides that it’s time to get out, and spreads a thick smokescreen to cover his escape.

As they see that the Magear is gone, Aruto remembers that Vulcan thinks he’s a rogue HumaGear, too, and launches himself the heck out of there… still with the tentacles wrapped around him. Vulcan tries to shoot him down…

And the only thing he accomplishes is getting the tentacles to let go, which Aruto thanks him for as he disappears.

–

Now then, let’s head back to Aruto’s office to confront the fact that Aruto wasn’t able to make the sale!

Jun and his lackey are blaming Aruto for not only not completing the contract, but also for not finding the terrorists at the same time. Aruto says it’s because that tentacled freak got in his way, which is true, and makes some sort of terrible tentacle pun. Shesta just says that it doesn’t compute.

Aruto: Izu likes my puns, though…

Speaking of Izu, she seems to have uploaded herself to the cloud – er, satellite. Or, she’s interfacing with it, anyway, down in front of the 3D Printing Studio. The goal of this is to have the system analyze the results of the last fight, and design a new Progrise Key to best suit the challenge.

You know. Like with Nigiro and his own analysis program, to make the best selection to suit the customer.

I’ve noticed that on Aruto’s desk, and on the assorted bookshelves in the office and lab, there are a lot of old-school tin robot toys. Those were there when he first entered the office in episode two, so they aren’t things he brought in. They were his grandfathers. It’s a neat little touch.

Set decoration notes aside, Nigiro is here, too, with an inquiry.

Can a soul be turned into data? The boss wants a successor, but that successor has to have a human heart. So, if one could be installed-

Izu cuts him off. It’s impossible, a soul can not be turned into data.

(She’s not saying that he could never have one, mind you. She saying it a soul can’t be turned into data. Not that data can’t become a soul – that he can’t grow one of his own.

You know, like the whole singularity/awakening thing.

The one that’s being weaponized.)

Aruto thinks of what the owner said, about Magokoro Sushi dying with him. He asks Izu to look something up about the restaurant.

–

It’s nighttime, and Isamu confronts Yua outside of the AIMS van, since she hasn’t tracked down the tentacle freak yet. He also accuses her of having been playing on her phone earlier. When he tries to take a look at what’s on her screen, she hides it away, and he scoffs, saying he’ll just go find the magear on his own.

Once he’s walked away, she laughs a little. He doesn’t get it. He has no idea how tools work.

She pulls her phone back out, and walks in the other direction.

Interesting.

–

Back at Magokoro Sushi, the owner is cleaning the bar, preparing for the next day. He slips, because of his back injury, but Nigiro rushes in to catch him.

Aruto and Izu are with him, asking for him to give Nigiro one more shot. Aruto says that the owner has trained many apprentices, but they’ve all left without taking over.

The owner asks if that’s what his precious data told him, but says that it’s true. They couldn’t keep up with him, their souls bent in frustration.

Nigiro says that his soul won’t waver. It can’t, because he doesn’t have one.

Aruto continues the discussion. The owner has a special technique, right? He’d asked his former pupils.

Flashback to a larger, less personal restaurant, where one of said former pupils is talking to Aruto and the two HumaGear. He shows them a video of the secret technique, which is… it sure is something. I’m not sure what goes on, but it involves tossing at least some of the ingredients into the air. Aruto’s watching the video in surprise, Nigiro has one eyebrow raised in slight confusion, and Izu? Izu is bouncing up and down behind them, trying to see. She’s too short to see over their shoulders.

Izu, sweetie, I love you.

The former pupil says that it’s a weird technique, isn’t it? He can’t see the point in it, but it’s that type of thing that they were asking about.

(Cue our second Kabuto: TWO comment)

Back to the present, where Nigiro performs the same technique. He’d been following the textbook preparations before, but now he’s analyzed and learned the owners method.

He thinks he understands why the owner uses this technique, now, even though it’s inefficient.

It’s because it carries his sincerity.

The owner looks… taken by surprise, before falling back into his judgmental expression from before, and trying the sushi.

Nigiro described it differently, this time. For Yua, he’d called hers “a serving based on skill.” For the owner, the first time around, he’d called it “a serving to his tastes.”

This time? A serving from the soul.

I really hope that one of the other sub groups elects to translate that sign in the back, when the camera focuses on it, because it’s clearly significant, but I can’t get Google translate to recognize it as a word.

The owner doesn’t say it’s bad – but he tells Nigiro to do it over. 10,000 times, over and over. He’s telling him to practice.

“Got it. 10,000 times, is that correct?”

“Geesh, you’re more stubborn than a human.”

Aruto smiles. Izu is confused as to why this is making Aruto happy – the owner is angry, he doesn’t look happy about this at all.

Aruto smiles at her, telling her that humans aren’t that simple.

That’s just how this man is – he’s stern, and strict, and doesn’t emote… but he’s impressed enough to take a HumaGear under his wing and train him, even if he hasn’t said as much in those exact words. It’s all about the subtext.

–

Oh, look, Gremlin 2.0 is on a rooftop with Neohi… and tells him that it’s time for them to make some new friends.

Oh dear lord, that’s a lot of tentacle cables.

…Like the ones Berotha used to create the mooks in episode one.

Oh, no.

Ohhh, no. Neohi transforms some construction workers, and then a waitress, into mooks.

And a cable reaches into Magokoro Sushi… and takes over Nigiro.

It’s painful – for all of them, it hurts just to watch, and it’s so well performed by the actors. These characters aren't human, they aren't supposed to react like humans do… and yet, without fail, it’s made clear that the HumaGear definitely feel pain as they’re being overwritten.

Aruto, Izu, and the owner run – Izu helping support the old man, and Aruto trying to push Nigiro back.

He’s still trying to reason with him, even though he’s not even a Magear proper – he’s a mook, stuck repeating his lines with a stutter, like a skipping record.

Like. Geez, Zero One. It’s episode three. This is so hard to see these characters we got attached to wind up going out like this. And he didn’t even get turned into a Magear of his own – no, he just got hijacked, doesn’t have any will anymore.

If his death is inevitable, at least let him go down fighting on his own. Please.

Shots are fired, knocking the former Nigiro backward into the recently arrived crowd of mooks.

Aruto can’t even tell which one he was anymore.

Yua strides forward, with a word of ‘advice.’ You can just bring him back if you back-up his data. That’s all HumaGear are, after all, AIs. Even if they’re destroyed, their data can just be restored.

Now we get into the ‘what measure is a person’ issue. Humans aren’t so simple that you can tell what they’re feeling by analyzing their reactions based on expressions alone… and HumaGear aren’t so simple, either. They’re partners that work in harmony with humanity. They aren’t just tools.

This speech seems to get through to the owner, who seems to finally get where Aruto is coming from.

Yua doesn’t look down at Aruto, as he’s trying to push himself to his feet. She just says that they are tools, as she pulls out a belt, her ShotRiser already attached to it, and places it around her waist.

She pulls out an orange Progrise Key, spinning it as she brings her hand up.

Dash!

She inserts it directly into the ShotRiser, without opening it first – and look at that. The top of the gun is open, and she can just unlock the key while it’s in there.

Sucks to be you, Isamu, she’s got style.

Her transformation… She fires, the gun on her waist, and the bullet – orange, as opposed to Vulcan’s blue – swoops close around her, before breaking apart on its own. She’s already running as it forms the armor around her.

Rushing Cheetah!

There’s a motion blur as she knocks the first few mooks away, one of them landing on the ground with her standing on its chest.

I love how the wild arcs of Vulcans armor bullet imply that it wouldn’t actually turn into his armor if he didn’t punch it, since Valkyrie doesn’t even need to look at it. Hers circles once around her outstretched arm, and then moves in front of her to turn into the armor.

“AI in violation of the law verified. Eliminating targets.”

Her voice is cold and analytical – and it matches her sharp, efficient fighting style. She delivers quick blows to her opponents, knocking them away. And she must be ripped under that business suit, because a number of them go flying when she hits them – that’s not just the armor at work there.

Aruto, watching, is finally able to get to his feet, and the owner starts to reassure him that he’s not wrong. They’re not tools. (We see Nigiro making his comment about the owners form showing his sincerity.) Yua had said it herself – it’s up to humans to decide how to live with HumaGear.

Neohi arrives, swinging one of his attached tentacles like a rope of some sort.

Aruto tells Izu to get the owner somewhere safe – so she just picks up this old man, and carrys him in a piggy back out of there. The old man is very confused about this, but at least he doesn’t see the giant neon grasshopper drop out of the sky behind him.

Zero One starts fighting Neohi, pulling out his Attache Calibur.

(I still have trouble believing that this is our protagonists main weapon. A briefcase sword. You’re putting Drives weapons to shame here for sheer oddness with just this single one, you know that, right? And there was an axe that you had to wait for its crosswalk signal to use back then.)

This monster takes Combat Tentacles to a whole new level. Not only can they be used as a whip-like attack, but when severed, they still cling to whatever they land on. In addition, the ends are bladed, and can be used as handheld weapons – which is exactly what he’s doing right now.

–

Over with Valkyrie, whose name I will hopefully be able to spell without Autocorrect within the month, she’s kicking all sorts of Trilobite ass. Er, turns out that’s what the mooks are called this time around. They’re ‘Trilobite Magear.’

But she’s good at this. She is definitely the technology specialist and the tactician. Like, she’s just shoved a giant crate at the mooks, and is running behind it, using it as a shield to block the gunfire from the mooks.

Also, why are the mooks able to generate machine guns and knifes? I mean, at least they only have one or the other, but… how.

Eventually, as the giant wooden crate slides to a stop, she leaps out and starts firing.

–

Meanwhile, with Aruto, he’s… been knocked into a drainage channel, and is tied up with the tentacles. Again. He is not enthused, and probably considering swearing off of squid forever.

He pulls out his newest Progrise Key: Biting Shark.

The beam from the satellite is, appropriately, blue this time, as opposed to the yellow for Rising Hopper. Also, the shark bot? It can dive up and down through the ground, treating it like water. Man, that’s a cool tactic, I always get a kick out of that. One of the Yummies in OOO used it, and then Another Build did, too. I think Haruto did something similar a few times as Wizard, but I might be misremembering some of the ways he used the Liquid ring.

There is almost definitely a pun that RiderTime missed here. They translated Aruto’s line as “here we go.” You know, Iku ze. Except it sounded an awful lot more like Ika ze. Ika – aka squid. RT, I’m disappointed. If he was actually just saying it normally, then I’m disappointed in Toei, instead.

Oh, man, the arm section of the Rising Hopper armor turn into arm fins, that’s so cool. And I much prefer how the faceplate readjusts for Biting Shark than for Flying Falcon. Here, they rotate downward, so it doesn’t look nearly as much like he’s got eyes on the side of his head.

The Biting Impact finisher is neat! It starts with Zero One putting his arms out, cupping the air, as a pen-and-ink image of a shark appears next to him, much like the grasshopper at his leg for Rising Impact. He slashes at the attack tentacles with the blades on both his arms and on his legs. Notably, the energy slash effects are different for both. For his arms, where the blades are from Rising Hopper, theres yellow effects, but with his legs they’re blue, where the armor is from Biting Shark. Nice touch!

Eventually, he’s gotten in close enough to punch Neohi into the air, and proceeds to charge energy into his arm blades. And holy shit, said energy takes the forms of two giant rows of sharks teeth emanating from each arm, which he uses to crosschop – sorry, bite through the Magear.

The Magear falls to the ground, where he explodes, creating a glorious spray of water for Aruto’s “cool guys don’t look at explosions” shot.

–

Over at the mook battle, Valkyrie prepares her finisher, as Vulcan fights his way into the background. He sees her, and her ShotRiser, and realizes who it must be under the armor.

She starts her finisher, firing shot after shot of orange energy into the center of a group of mooks – not aiming at them, but at the center, where the shots collect and grow into a giant orb of energy as she runs literal rings around them. When she finally comes to a stop, it’s with a tire screeching sound effect. The energy bursts into a giant ball of fire as she poses, and the mooks are straight up incinerated.

VALKYRIE I LOVE YOU.

THE BEST WEAPONS GIRL HAS FIRE POWERS.

YES.

Vulcan watches as she calmly removes her Progrise key from her gun, and we don’t get to see the de-transformation, because he’s blocking it. But there’s smoke coming off of her when the shot pans to the other side, and we see Yua, telling Isamu that that is how it’s done.

Actually, now that I think about it, have we seen any of the three riders actively detransform yet? I don’t think we have… feel free to prove me wrong!

Because we see Vulcan pull his own key out, and glow blueish white, but we don’t see the transformation actually end. He walks off screen, and when he re-enters the frame, it’s Isamu, with similar wisps of smoke coming off of him. Interesting.

Isamu’s pissed, but Yua ignores him as he complains that she should have told him there were two ShotRisers.

–

Jin picks the ZetsumeRise key up out of the water.

–

Turns out that even with a ‘new’ Nigiro, they’ve still made the contract with Magokoro Sushi.

Aruto, watching the owner training new!Nigiro, wonders if he’s the only one who can see that HumaGear do have hearts. Izu tilts her heat, looking at him, asking for him to clarify. “Well, after all, he was able to move the owners heart.”

Aruto then apologizes to the owner, because now he has to start all over again. (The ‘Beginner’ icon flashes breifly over new!Nigiro’s earpeice.)

The owner is okay with that, though, because it means he just gets to teach him thoroughly from the beginning.

New!Nigiro serves Aruto a piece of Squid sushi, to which Aruto makes a comment that I’m pretty sure Ridertime didn’t translate well, because Japanese wordplay is a pain. Regardless, Izu goes on to explain the pun, calling it quite the joke.

Aruto: Eh?!

She then goes and does his little punchline thing, the ‘and that’s aruto’ thing.

Thing is?

Aruto wasn’t even trying to make a pun. It was just a coincidence! Also, stop copying him! (He does the motion while telling her not to copy him.)

–

Elsewhere, a mysterious figure plays chess… as Yua gives her debrief.

Oh, no.

(Cue our third Kabuto: TWO comment.)

She says that she’s discovered Hiden Intelligence’s secret. The HumaGear have an auto-transfer program for their perception data. She wasn’t uploading her preferences to Nigiro, back in the beginning of the episode.

She was uploading spyware, to hijack his feed.

So, when Izu gave Aruto the Biting Shark Progrise Key in the office, Nigiro saw it. And, as a result, so did Yua. That’s why she was on her phone outside of the van. She was watching along with us.

Also, whoever she’s reporting to has a bracelet that can function as a holo-projector, because it’s showing him the same footage now.

But that isn’t the secret – that’s probably just technical specs.

No, the secret?

Hiden Intelligence isn’t supposed to have the Progrise Key data.

It was thought to have been destroyed in Daybreak.

You know, where metsuboujinrai.net is based out of.

Her boss (?), who sounds and looks young, from what we can see, says that… oh dear.

He says that this means ‘the arc will rise again,’ and that the CEO of Hiden is the key to it all… Zero One.

You know, the arc, the thing that Horobi was talking about earlier.

Oh, no.

End of episode.

–

So. Yua definitely knows that Aruto is Zero One. She also reports to someone that I’m pretty sure Isamu doesn’t. I’m hoping this is a case of ‘the right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing’, but that seems pretty unlikely.

Okay, so this season is somehow Ex-Aid, Drive, and Kabuto TWO.

WOW.

(Yua, please don’t be working for a fourth party, I don’t want to lose you…)

#kamen rider zero one #sailorcressy says

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cosmamas · 6 years

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self-indulgent pre ‘before everything goes to shit’ headcanons for @kyecupio ! fyi for anyone else reading this: serenity / usagi / cosmos are all the same person in this verse but she refers to herself as ‘usagi’ while she’s living on destiny islands!.

under a cut because this got way longer than i meant it to be!!!!

pre-birth / baby / toddler stuff

her feelings on being pregnant range from, ‘i love this mamo-chan! i love you! i love this baby!’ to ‘i can’t see my feet. why does my back hurt so much!! get this baby out of me FUCK!!!!!!!’

a real conversation that was had between her and mamoru: usagi: *casually refers to the baby as a she* mamoru: wait how do you know it’s a girl? usagi: oh well every serenity had a girl befor- mamoru: um what do you mean by ‘every serenity’? usagi: lol i didn’t i tell you my mother was named that? my grandma and great grandma were too. i also look like my great great grandma and my great great grea- mamoru: *chuckling nervously* what the fuck!!!!!

she 'talks’ to the baby a lot by telling him stories, singing to him, or even occasionally admitting that she’s terrified of not being a good parent oof! she likes to think that him moving / kicking right after she says something is him reacting to what was said. but he’s really just a little shit that kicks / moves a lot especially when she’s trying to sleep!!

she definitely gets cravings for delicacies that only existed on the moon kingdom and mamoru tries his best to recreate it but usagi’s terrible and vague about the ingredients ( b/c chefs and makoto cooked everything ) so it never comes out right but she appreciates his attempts none the less.

idk when his birthday is ( i’ll let kyecupio handle that ) but he definitely comes late / past his due date which drives her insane because she just can’t sit still despite everyone telling her to and it gives mamoru daily heart attacks.

she probably goes into full-on labor at night / during a new moon because hahaahah GET IT NEW. MOON. cause it’s a new moon kingdom heir........ i’m deleting. anyway, a lot of symbolism regarding the new moon is specifically tied to starting over, second chances, new beginnings, etc. which is literally what this baby represents for his parents. this is also a moment where the ‘usagi’ facade drops and ‘serenity’ comes out as she gathers strength from the moon to help her get through the pains of labor ( it wouldn’t be surprising if she kind of just...zones out and enters an almost trance-like state and doesn’t snap out of it until he’s actually out ).

do to the close ties the moon kingdom has with kingdom hearts itself as well as the greek references in kh ( χ-blade ) and in sailor moon, usagi thought of the name archísei but the meaning / significance in its meaning was something both she and mamoru desired in a name for their child.

archísei is the cutest baby!!! he has the chubbiest cheeks, the biggest ears, and is very fussy when he’s not being cuddled by mommy or daddy. and yes, he’s born with the traditional mark of moon royalty: the crescent moon on one’s forehead. it’s hidden away but when they’re alone usagi chooses to reveal it by kissing him on his forehead uwu.

because usagi can’t help her home sickness, his nursery definitely has a slight celestial / moon kingdomish feel to it with white, gold, and other neutral colors + a wall with some constellations or stars on it ( and yes, i looked at baby nurseries for this. let me live!!!!!! ).

this is totally them when he starts screaming at like three in the morning. mamoru can get him to fall back asleep pretty quickly if he’s lucky. with usagi, there’s more work because archísei is spoiled and likes to be sang to before eventually falling asleep, usually to one of these ( both of these, especially tuxedo mirage, are like....aggressively about mamoru but we’re going to ignore that because i like the ‘lullabyness’ of how they sound ).

usagi is tall, around 5′9 / 5′10 ( without heels ), so when he’s not attached to her hip / being carried then archísei is always latched to her legs once he starts learning how to walk.

his terrible twos phase is the absolute WORST. usagi regrets the day he learned how to say no.

childhood stuff

mamoru and usagi are definitely the ‘we’ll fuck you up if you even look at our son the wrong way’ type of parents. even if he were to do something he wasn’t supposed to at school or even goes to far while ‘playfully’ sparring with another kid, they would probably argue in his defense but then lecture him once they’re at home.

( an unpopular opinion but i unapologetically love how snarky / somewhat of a jerk mamoru is in the first season of the 90s anime which is trait that...pretty much disappears after that rip :’(((( - and it’s easily my favorite version of the character. his banter with usagi kills me. ) so going with mamoru’s personality being a mix of manga + season one of classic sm then archísei’s snark definitely comes from him + watching his parents playfully go back and forth with other as usagi can be pretty sassy too ( mamoru taught archísei how to rile her up by calling her bun-head which still makes her throw a fit despite being 30+ years old ).

archísei is a momma’s boy but he definitely admires / looks up to his dad because mamoru is definitely important™ on DI, like a doctor or something because he’s got the smarts. archísei is easily smarter than most, if not all, the kids in his age range ( and probably even the kids older than him too ) so he breezes by in his course work and doesn’t find school interesting. as a result, he would definitely beg his dad to let him skip school and go to work with him and because mamoru is weak, he says yes every single time.

did i say he’s a momma’s boy? he’s definitely a momma’s boy. when he’s a child ( and still too young to stop and question her things ) they did almost everything together. from baking ( and failing at it ), to her teaching him how to do his eyeliner ( this one is completely kyecupio’s ), and he would probably learn to dance from her too. overall they’re just very ‘in-sync’ with each other due to the natural link between them ( similar to her and chib’s connection in canon ). she’s probably the person he loves and idolizes the most which is why it’s going to hurt so much once he learns out that she’s been the one lying and deliberately holding him back all this time.

he doesn’t need help with his homework but usagi and mamoru will sometimes sit down with him anyway - although in usagi’s case, he probably ends up teaching her than the other way around.

a lot of the bed time stories he was told where legends passed down in the moon kingdom or vague stories about other worlds she had been told to as a child.

luna is their cat ( although i’m still debating if it’s moon kingdom luna or just a cat with the same name ). regardless, she’s very protective of him and snuggles with him at night.

pre-teen / things go to shit stuff this section wasn’t supposed to exist but here we are

him entering his pre-teens is when his relationship with his parents, specifically his mother, slowly deteriorates. usagi and mamoru have very different approaches on how to handle their son and his desires to see more outside of DI: usagi wants him to play with other kids / make friends while mamoru feels that if he should be allowed to do things at his own pace because mamoru relates / understands him in ways that she can’t. he was ‘different’ by being the boy who lost his parents / memories and he grew tired of everyone taking pity on him so he just learned to deal with being alone in his own way until he was able to grow and move passed it.

they would definitely have family nights where they would sail to one of the smaller islands to have a small bbq, watch the stars, have fun, etc. these decrease as archísei grows older; he makes up excuses not to attend before eventually not even bothering with doing that.

also that natural link he and his mother have? it’s gone now or more accurately it’s like he’s unknowingly created a barrier around himself that effectively shuts her out. so while she could naturally always faintly ‘feel’ him ( whether it was emotionally or just knowing if he was nearby ), that’s just not there anymore. it hurts her a lot.

he definitely eventually hears them arguing one night over usagi’s ‘past’ and whether they should tell them to truth. usagi is very ‘nope, not doing that’ despite mamoru trying to convince her otherwise. also if luna is moon kingdom luna then that means the cat that’s been watching over him since he was baby, claiming a dedicated sleeping spot on his bed, and has casually walked with him to school can talk and would probably be on mamoru’s side. archísei vc: you guys have even been lying about the fucking cat too????

when he does finally leave, there’s a....denial about it as they try to convince themselves that maybe he’s just staying late at a friend’s house even though they know he doesn’t have any or maybe he’s camping out on that island he always likes to visit. ‘ we’ll lecture / yell at him about breaking curfew in the morning ’ is what they say but then he’s still not back home in the morning. they check his school and learn he hasn’t been there in over a week so then they start knocking on neighbor’s doors, asking if they’ve seen their son and get no answers. they even check the surrounding islands but he’s still nowhere to be found which is when reality sets in hard. they don’t know if he’s lost at sea, dead, or if usagi’s greatest fear has been realized and he’s somehow managed to leave this world entirely. they just don’t know.

and like not to be cliche but......she loves her son so much and that love can never be replicated or replaced by another so him leaving literally breaks her heart in a way that can’t be fixed ( twil.ight, outside of its soundtracks and leah / rosalie, is not good™ but the song in this scene always...made it weirdly memorable to me and i feel like it’s lyrics accurately sums up how she feels internally - i don’t really see her completely shutting out everyone / just sitting around the house as usagi’s been wearing a mask for a long time and can externally hold it together but would she have sobbing fits at the beach in the middle of the night? yes. ).

also mamoru’s pain over losing his son is important / shouldn’t be brushed over because he literally can’t remember his own parents and has been alone until this strange woman falls, quite literally, into his life. she becomes his new family before giving him a son who he loved so much that he risked sailing the ocean and eventually drowning for because he was so desperate to reach him, to tell him he was sorry for the lies, and that everything would be okay. good god what a DAD.

bonus ‘what if things didn’t suck from the start’ b/c i gotta get this all out my system!

usagi meeting mamoru under less dire circumstances aka she’s free to able to travel to other worlds and casually takes him back to ‘her place’ which just so happens to be a secret kingdom. usagi: haha isn’t it rad!!! mamoru: *chuckling nervously* what the fuck!!!!!

archísei is still ‘different’ but more in that he symbolizes how ‘traveling outside of their home can be good for the MK’s people’ instead of something to be frowned upon.

catch him always in nana serenity’s arms, holding her hand, and them having little picnics together. she also gets him out of trouble from his parents all the time!!!

his aunts / the senshi spoil him so much!!!!! ami ( the nerd ) and setsuna ( the time lord ) are his favorites for obvious reasons but he has unique relationships with all of them - minako and rei probably baby him just as quickly as they would discipline him if they needed to. makoto constantly bakes sweet stuff for him and makes him lunches packed with his favorite food. michiru and haraku are the vodka cool aunts who teach him all about fashion and how to not just look better than everyone else but how to actually be better than everyone else too. he would also probably get along really well with hotaru?? she’s kind of the ‘other’ in the group / not really supposed to exist in a way so maybe they can relate to being different and celebrating that.

he still leaves for scala ad caelum to train but usagi is very dramatic and there’s lots of tears and crying. archísei: mama i’m not even going to be gone that long!!! usagi: b-but!!! *starts sobbing again*

archísei brings eraqus home and mamoru / usagi are just being hella nosy the whole time. mamoru and usagi in union: who dat??? 👀👀👀

there are lots of crying from mom and dad during his coronation / when he eventually succeeds usagi as the moon kingdom’s monarch!!!!

BASICALLY EVERYONE IS A LOT MORE WELL ADJUSTED AND THIS DOESN’T END IN DISASTER GOODBYE.

#i posted this right after posting my reply to you b/c i'm an ahole #☽ ⋮ ✫ ━ ❛ one with the cosmos ⋮ headcanons.#kh verse tag.#kyecupio #☽ ⋮ ✫ ━ ❛ you are my greatest gift and soon my greatest pain ⋮ kyecupio.

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22nd December 2019

It’s the special Christmas episode – or at least the climax of many – of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, where we discuss the UK Top 40 every week without fail, with a complete disregard for my deteriorating mental state. Let’s start with the top 10 and finish what is essentially season two of this show.

Top 10

I’m sure everyone knows the Christmas #1 by now. I’ll talk more about it later, I actually have a lot to say, it’s British YouTuber LadBaby’s “I Love Sausage Rolls”, debuting at #1 much like he did last year. I’ll elaborate in more detail once we reach the new arrivals section.

Steady at the runner-up spot is “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Burna Boy and Ed Sheeran, sadly pipped at the post even with the release of his sophomore album, Heavy is the Head.

At number-three, actually up one space this week, is “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi.

It replaces “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa, down one spot to number-four.

We have our first true Christmas song in the top five this year next, as “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is up two spaces to number-five. It isn’t the first time it’s reached the top five, or even its highest placement, but I think they’ll settle for top five this year.

At number-six, we have another debut, the second of three in the top 10, and first of two for Stormzy: “Audacity”, a pre-release single from Heavy is the Head, or “Audacitiy”, as the BBC’s page, in its typical fashion, misspells horribly. It features Headie One, becoming Headie’s highest-peaking song ever, tied with “18HUNNA” featuring Dave, and fifth UK Top 40, as well as second top 10 entry. It’s Stormzy’s 20th UK Top 40 hit and also his ninth entry into the top ten.

At number-seven, we have “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down two spaces to number-seven.

Also down two spaces, surprisingly, is “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey, despite the release of a new music video. In reality, all of the top 10 has probably gained in performance, and Carey here was a victim of LadBaby and Stormzy.

We have Stormzy’s third and final debut here, “Lessons”, at number-nine, this time solo, which is his 21st UK Top 40 hit and his tenth entry into the top ten.

Finally, at #10, we have a nine-spot crash for “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I, hurt by streaming cuts that dumb UK chart rules implement, but also would have possibly cost LadBaby the Christmas #1, and at least his song is vaguely Christmassy, unlike “Dance Monkey”, which would have otherwise spent a consecutive twelfth week at #1 hadn’t it jumped down to #10.

Climbers

We have one non-Christmas climber this week, and it’s “Falling” by Trevor Daniel up nine spaces to #26.

Fallers

We don’t actually have many of these, either, though, but we do have a handful at the tail-end of the chart: “Heartless” by the Weeknd is definitely in freefall, down 13 spaces to #35, whilst “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One curiously goes down seven spaces to #37 after going up seven spaces last week, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi crashes down 11 positions to #38, and “Netflix & Chill” by Fredo collapses down 12 spots to #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

As always with these Christmas weeks, we have quite a few drop-outs, yet very little returning entries. Streaming cuts have dragged out “Memories” by Maroon 5 out from #10 (Thank God), and brought out two other garbage top 20 hits with it: “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B from #13, and “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill from #18. Sadly, a pretty fantastic top 20 hit, Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” featuring Ariana Grande, is out too from #20. Also out from middling positions last week, #37 and #38 respectively, are “Down Like That” by KSI featuring Lil Baby, Rick Ross and S-X, and “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA, from the Frozen II soundtrack. Oh, yeah, and “Professor X” by Dave is out from #40.

In terms of returning entries, we only have one revolving around pretty depressing circumstances. The early death of 21-year-old emo-rapper Juice WRLD, one that we have seen a lot on this show, has propelled his song “Lucid Dreams” back to #27. For what it’s worth, the song has grown on me a lot since its release, and I’ve said my peace on the matter on Twitter. Rest in peace, Jared Higgins.

There is one returning entry and one drop-out that I’ve missed, but we’ll talk about them later.

IT’S CHIRSTMAS INNIT

First of all, the non-movers, climbers and fallers: If “River” by Ellie Goulding counts, it’s down three spots to #11, but otherwise... “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is at #14, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is at #16, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is up two to #17, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John is up six to #19, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is down one spot to #24, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is up four to #25, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up three to #28, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard is up five to #29, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is up five to #31, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is at #32 and “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson is up six to #33.

We have one Christmassy returning entry, and that is the festive albeit creepy “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia back at #36. Combined with the Christmassy new arrival and the songs within the top 10, that means we have within 15 to 17 holiday songs on the “Christmas chart” (More on that later). So, basically, we’re 50% Christmas here on the UK Top 40... arguably, disputably, whatever. Here are the Album Bomb(s)?

ALBUM BOMB(S)?: Heavy is the Head by Stormzy and Fine Line by Harry Styles

This is a pretty awkward album bomb as I’ve already covered most things about Stormzy in the Top 10 section and it’s really disputable if Harry Styles had an album bomb but he had one debut and one re-entry as well as a faller, all from the same album, so I’m counting that as an album bomb. Rod Stewart, however, the damned fool, didn’t get an album bomb however he got the Christmas #1 on the albums chart, trumping both UK rapper and songwriter Stormzy at #2, and former One Direction member and current rockstar Harry Styles at #3.

I haven’t heard Heavy is the Head but I’m excited to check it out. I’m weary of its length, but some of the features seem intriguing. Its impact on this chart is weakened by both UK chart rules only allowing for three songs and the fact that, well, it’s Christmas, technically. That would also explain why Harry Styles’ “Lights Up” dropped out from #33 this week, as it was the single that performed the least, whilst “Watermelon Sugar” is back at #18 and “Adore You” has dropped off one spot from its debut, landing at #12 on this chart. Before we even get to exciting new music from Stormzy, let’s cover some weaksauce garbage from Harry Styles.

#39 – “Falling” – Harry Styles

Produced by Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson – Peaked at #62 in the US

Aw, do I have to? Well, I’ve already said how much I disliked Styles’ sophomore record and why, back on last episode (And the last paragraph) actually, so I don’t need to bring it up again. “Falling” is Styles’ fifth UK Top 40 hit, and the third best-performing song from the album; three is all allowed from one album on the UK Top 40. Styles had an actual album bomb on the Hot 100, and this one charted decently high there too. Also, fun fact: since Trevor Daniel is still here, this marks the first time in forever that two identically-named songs with entirely different lyrics and content (I.e., aren’t covers) have charted simultaneously. Somehow, and I dread to think, the Trevor Daniel song may be better. The pianos here are reverb-heavy and saturated so much to the point where I geta feeling of drab, moist dread, which is represented in the production overall, especially when Harry Styles belts and his vocals clip pretty heavily in the mix here. The lyrics are specific and do resonate to some extent, especially the self-referential and dare I say meta second verse, and I can’t exactly say Styles’ delivery is unconvincing, despite it reminding me too much of Lewis Capaldi than it probably should – you’re a much better singer than him or this, Harry. If the production wasn’t so shoddy and it wasn’t four plodding minutes, perhaps this gross, distorted excerpt of a power ballad wouldn’t be so excruciating, but alas, here we are. Good effort, I suppose.

#9 – “Lessons” – Stormzy

Produced by Ed Thomas

I have no idea what to expect. It’s the penultimate track on the album and it’s produced by some guy I don’t know. I haven’t been this clueless about a song before hearing it on this show in months, but it’s actually pretty high here because of how it touches upon Stormzy’s personal life, specifically his relationship with television presenter Maya Jama... and I really want to like this. The song is honest and soulful, with Stormzy admitting his faults in the relationship multiple times, and I enjoy the theme of childhood that he toys around with in the verses, but it’s really vague to exactly how he “disrespected” her, and I’m not asking for a vent that details his entire relationship with Jama but it feels somewhat insincere if the closest you get to a specific memory is either having candles lit up, which is overwhelmingly common, and pacing around the kitchen after a fight, “like this s**t is foul”. Some of these rhymes are also pretty painful. Rhyming “Maya” with “Maya”, and then, “fire” with “desire”? Come on, man, you’re better than that, and there is a lack of internal rhymes or even a comprehensive flow to the whole thing. I do like the vintage R&B beat with some very 90s keys sprinkled through the fake finger-snaps, and the blocky percussion is pretty smooth, albeit too stiff to make the chorus work at all, as it’s just really odd, aimless, multi-tracked rambling, with really half-hearted singing vocals from Stormzy. I don’t know, I really want to like this, but the content is overly vague, the production is dull and uninteresting, and the performance is just the same, as he sounds like he hasn’t slept in days. Maybe that’s the point? Probably, but it doesn’t make this song any more endearing. Sorry, I really wanted to like this, so a half-decent single here sounds like the biggest disappointment, but it’s just passable at best, really.

#6 – “Audacity” – Stormzy featuring Headie One

Produced by Fraser T. Smith

This is the banger of the record, with an up-and-coming UK drill rapper, that would burst onto the chart with a wham... whilst also being right next to WHAM!, but that’s a coincidence. T. Smith is on the boards, Stormzy and Headie One are on the mic, and they sound hungry. Any time Stormzy starts off a track with that trailing “It’s like...” ad-lib, I know it’s going to be ferocious, and this is what this track is. Over looming 808 bass and crawling synths, Stormzy is losing his breath, rasping through his bars because of his insistency to do an angered one-take, like a madman, and it sounds angry and really violent. I’m genuinely kind of scared, it kind of works like Bobby Schmurda’s “Hot Boy” because its purpose is to paint such a vivid picture of gang violence that it gives you goosebumps. Stormzy is talking about inexperienced rappers dissing him... and in the first verse, he goes into detail about why he wants to kill this man, in an oddly calm demeanour before he starts losing it once he starts talking about how he’s going to “skeng-fry his dome”, even accepting the gunsmoke (Both literally and figuratively) that this person tries to use to intimidate Stormzy as just weed smoke, which sounds a lot more savage than I made it sound. Headie One is more melodic on this mix of nasty grime synths and UK drill bass beats, but his more casual delivery really makes the pretty funny bars somewhat intoxicating, especially when he says, “Knowledge is power, ask Gandhi”, which is just hilariously nonsensical... but it’s still not great. It runs way too long at four minutes, and feels pretty repetitive and like a drone by the end, especially due to lack of a true climax. Also the beat just fades out and leaves Stormzy’s isolated vocal, which is abruptly cut off by the end too, so that just sounds awkward. I wish I liked this more, but it sounds more like a weak “Wiley Flow” than the anthemic “Vossi Bop” or the pounding “Sounds of the Skeng”. I still like it, though, it’s just a fair bit duller than Stormzy’s usual offerings in this trap banger lane. Speaking of that, I listened to “Big Michael” out of curiosity and that was freaking amazing, so why didn’t that chart instead of these comparatively mediocre offerings?

One week, it’s “Blinded by Your Grace” / Next week, it’s bang you in your face!

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 –“Happy Christmas (War is Over)” – John Legend

I have no production or chart data for this one, because, guess what? It’s another Christmassy cover song released by an aging and increasingly irrelevant pop star exclusively on platforms that provide more sales and hence boost its false chart placement. I’m glad this is only a holiday thing because it’d drive me up the wall if this was done often. Legend released his Christmas album in 2018, called A Legendary Christmas, and it included many covers, including the infamous “woke” “Baby it’s Cold Outside” rendition with Kelly Clarkson on the 2019 deluxe edition. Of course, this song’s not on said deluxe edition for whatever reason... he really couldn’t just cover a nice old Christmas song, he had to do the controversial songs, huh? The whole album is really disposable garbage filled with novelty and commercialised merriment. I used to really like this guy but he is far beyond receiving my best wishes at this point in his career. Uh, the original song is a hot mess as well. Let’s just get to the meat and potatoes, no pun intended.

#1 – “I Love Sausage Rolls” – LadBaby

Produced by LadBaby

No, not DaBaby. LadBaby. Okay, so, first of all, this potentially isn’t the true “Christmas #1”, as after all, this chart was released before Christmas Day and doesn’t count sales that were made on December 25th, although the press seems to have accepted this as the Christmas #1, and have highly publicised it as such, so I’m allowing it, even though I guess you could dispute that. Second of all, LadBaby is a YouTuber who makes comedy videos or vlogs or something? I don’t know, I don’t pay attention. The video for this that they showed on Top of the Pops (Yes, this was aired on Top of the Pops) had his family in, all wearing sausage roll outfits, so maybe he’s a family vlogger? Speaking of those outfits, the same family is featured on the cover, which is a parody of the famous Abbey Road album cover by the Beatles. Not only is that not a Christmas album but it equally doesn’t work because this is a parody of a Joan Jett song, “I Love Rock and Roll”. Finally, LadBaby got to the top before with “We Built This City” in 2018, a parody of the Starship song with the exact same punchline as this one. Bottom line, this is just a novelty song with a dumb punchline and pretty terrible production, because as with all YouTube songs, it sounds cheap and very royalty-free. These guys can’t sing, especially not LadBaby himself, but it really doesn’t matter because we’re not supposed to actually listen to this. We’re supposed to listen once and have a chuckle, and move on, but sadly, this isn’t even funny enough for me to snigger. I’m not a fan, and if Tones and I’s song hadn’t crashed as hard as it did thanks to dumb UK chart rules, LadBaby would be even less liable to stick the landing next year, and I really hope he doesn’t.

Conclusion

On principle, I feel like giving a tied Worst of the Week to John Legend for his annoying exclusivity and really garbage album that “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” is connected to, alongside LadBaby, for hitting the #1 spot with a cheap novelty song in “I Love Sausage Rolls”, which is a joke he’s done before, instead of Stormzy or, you know, an actual Christmas song. In reality, I haven’t heard the John Legend song and I don’t even want to, and the LadBaby song isn’t really worth getting angry about. The Best of the Week is just as hard to pick due to the sheer lack of quality on display here, but I’ll give it to Stormzy and Headie One for “Audacity”, I guess.

I hope you guys enjoyed this second season of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – I know it was a rocky one, but we got there in the end. I can’t really say happy holidays because I’m a day or two late from Christmas but I’ll definitely say thank you for reading this past year. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week – but that’ll be next season, and possibly next year.

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toldnews-blog · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/technology/entertainment/what-inspired-a-new-musical-conspiracy-theories-and-yodeling/

What Inspired a New Musical? Conspiracy Theories. And Yodeling.

At the end of a dinner break recently, a group of actors and designers sprawled in a loose circle. Two men huddled together, sharing an online video, another man scrolled through a feed, fingers skimming the screen like skaters gliding across a frozen lake. A woman lay on the floor stretching, her phone nestled neatly at her hip.

They were rehearsing “Octet,” Dave Malloy’s rich and strange new show (the first musical Signature Theater has produced) about a support group for internet addicts — a category that would seem to include just about everyone.

“Octet” is an a cappella musical. Why? Because instruments are another technology, because why would a band crash a 12-step meeting, because Mr. Malloy believes in writing the thing that scares you the most, a dictum he credits to the playwright Young Jean Lee. An a cappella musical about internet addiction fits that bill. He has already read tweets and Tumblr posts knocking the idea as too cutesy.

To make it a little less cutesy, Mr. Malloy studied not only college a cappella (three “Octet” actors and Annie Tippe, the show’s director, are veterans of the New York University a cappella group N’Harmonics), but also Tuvan throat singing, Appalachian shape note singing, German yodeling choirs, Balkan choruses and the work of composer-performers like Meredith Monk and Caroline Shaw.

“There’s just so much more variety in terms of what a human voice can do,” he said, in an office at the Signature Center before the evening’s rehearsal.

Best known for the Tony Award-winning “Natasha, Pierre & the Great Comet of 1812,” Mr. Malloy didn’t want to reprise himself. “Octet,” he said, “is pretty aggressively different: It’s contemporary material. There’s no orchestra. It’s not immersive in that way. It’s pretty dark.”

Still “Great Comet” and “Octet” aren’t entirely unconnected. “Great Comet” closed abruptly in 2017 after producers attempted to replace Okieriete Onaodowan with Mandy Patinkin and some social media users took up their digital pitchforks.

Mr. Malloy had always had his normal share of online addictions, mostly games, but that week he found himself compulsively refreshing his Twitter page, looking at what teenagers and strangers and robots had written, he said.

That experience worked its way into “Refresh,” a song about a woman who has been internet shamed. “It’s been nice to be thinking about some of my own demons and putting them onstage through music,” Mr. Malloy said. Other songs borrow lyrics from gaming forums, social media feeds, sites devoted to QAnon conspiracies.

“Octet,” whose eight characters are based on archetypes drawn from Tarot cards, joins other plays and operas from the past decade — Nico Muhly’s “Two Boys,” Ted Hearne’s “The Source,” James Graham’s “Privacy,” Tim Price’s “Teh Internet Is Serious Business,” Jennifer Haley’s “The Nether,” even “Dear Evan Hansen” — tracing the social changes the internet has wrought and might wreak.

Mr. Malloy’s musical asks us to see ourselves in its addicted characters — not a big stretch — and to pay attention to how the internet affects all of us, in ways both bad and good. (The production itself is low-tech, but not anti-tech; the eight singers wear in-ear monitors.)

The songs, not only in their lyrics, but also in their keys, time signatures and chord progressions, tell complicated stories about life in a wired world.

Before rehearsal Mr. Malloy stayed to discuss three of the show’s songs in depth, breaking down the sound. (Ms. Tippe stayed for a while, too, then ran out to grab some dinner.)

‘Candy’

Mr. Malloy and Ms. Tippe weren’t sure how to describe this deceptively peppy number in which a man, Henry, describes an obsession with Candy Crush-like games. A pop hoedown? A gospel tune? A sea chantey?

The time signature jumps around. “Like a game,” Mr. Malloy said, though unlike a few numbers in “Great Comet,” he hasn’t modeled this song on actual video game music.

The early sections “are supposed to be infectious to make you want to play,” Mr. Malloy said. “There’s just like a cuteness to it that hides the harmful behaviors.” The tempo marker reads “Fun and frisky”; the chords go up as Henry sings about his scores rising.

Then the key switches from B major to E minor and the chorus grows more droning, a gesture toward “the dronelike sensation of playing video games for a while,” Mr. Malloy said. The song darkens, with a few chord changes borrowed from Radiohead’s “OK Computer,” an album about technology and despair.

At the end, the initial melody is repeated, but more slowly as Henry faces his addiction: “I suspect deep down / I don’t care if I die,” he sings.

‘Monster’

This choral number “is about Twitter and Donald Trump mostly,” Mr. Malloy said. “And trolls.”

The men lay down a guttural beat, an illustration of online male toxicity. On top of the beat the women in the cast sing notes that are brighter and beltier, “but there’s a death march quality to this song,” he added. The tempo marker? “Relentless dirge.”

The song explores how the internet — the president’s tweets and rest of it — can forge new destructive neural pathways in the brains of people who can’t stop logging on. “It’s a monster that gets inside your head and won’t leave,” Mr. Malloy said.

The song begins as metaphor — a monster despoils a forest path — but then the beat drops out, the music shifts and the chorus sings it like it is: “Your brain is chemically changed / Your mind goes dark and strange / And you fall apart.”

“It’s a warning,” Ms. Tippe said.

‘Actually’

A song whose lyrics are largely adapted from online video game forums and QAnon conspiracy sites, “Actually” begins as punk number. “I think there’s a weird overlap in terms of conspiracy theorists and the aesthetics of punk rock,” Mr. Malloy said. “They share a very strong anti-institutional, think-for-yourself D.I.Y. mentality.”

Three of the men lay down a beat inspired by experimental rock band TV on the Radio. “Wake up, wake up? Cuz there are no coincidences,” the fourth man, Toby, sings over the top.

The songs shifts from major to a haunting minor as the chorus sings QAnon text. “Some of the language is so beautiful,” Mr. Malloy said. “‘Be a virus of confidence’ is such amazing poetry.”

Then it shifts to another minor key, with the women singing close harmonies that sound synthesized, dehumanized, as Toby argues on various forums. He runs an online search for “internet addiction,” and the other men make a didgeridoo-like sound drawn from Gregorian chant and Tuvan throat singing.

At the end, the song returns to its initial melody, but in a minor key this time, with Toby even more committed to his theories.

“He fully embraces nihilism,” Mr. Malloy said.

#e entertainment news hosts #entertainment news philippines #entertainment news story ideas #entertainment news tv shows #entertainment news youtube #g news entertainment

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dawnjeman · 6 years

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Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Newlyweds Home Design

Hello, everyone! It’s so great to start this new week with you here. Thank you so much for the visit!

I won’t be long today because I really want you to focus on this newlywed couple and their beautiful home. I truly can’t tell you how much I admire Ali and Brett. It’s so impressive all of the work they have put into their first home and I can’t help but admire and wish them many, many Blessings in this life. Please, get to know them below and make sure to follow them on Instagram. We should always surround ourselves with good people in our lives and that goes for social media as well.

Hello new friends! My name is Ali, my husbands name is Brett and we are @BARCbyBrettandAli. We were so honored to be asked by Luciane, to share our home with you all.

A little about ‘us’ … we got engaged in July of 2016. Our plan initially was for Brett to sell his house and move into my condo (not traditional, I know, but financially made sense). Not long after our engagement, our family realtor had found us the perfect home. We were casually looking because the neighborhood we wanted to move into was extremely sought after. When we saw this listing, we had to jump on it. The craziest part of it all, Brett was out of town for work, so my mom and I went to look. Brett never actually saw the home, besides a FaceTime tour, until after we had purchased it…he was sold when I took him to the basement where there was a theatre, so a pretty easy sell for any guy! That was the first demonstration of trust in our relationship!

Funny thing about the location of our home is we are 4 houses from my cousin and about 10 from my sister…so we plopped ourselves on the same street right in the middle of family! We officially called this place home in September 2016 and a year later we were married, September 2017!

Needless to say these first two years have been busy ones! Our love for all things home was one of our biggest shared passions. Which is where our HomeBunch story begins….

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Newlyweds Home Design

Let’s start with the exterior and I’m just going to lay this out there, it’s not my favorite…and the worst part is, we have regulations in our neighborhood, so we can’t change it! (Ugh!). Here’s the silver lining though, for as much as we don’t love our exterior it does provide a bit of an element of surprise as you enter.

Planters: Custom-built.

Outdoor Pillows: World Market.

Meet the Homeowners!

Aren’t they a gorgeous couple? They should have a show on HGTV just about DIY projects!!!

Home-Sweet-Home

Now for the good stuff, come on in! So you will notice a trend through our home, a bit different than many of the gorgeous homes that have been featured…we do a lot of the updates ourselves and do our own customizations to make our home feel unique. Brett is an incredibly talented woodworker and craftsman! His ability to take my, often ridiculous requests, and bring them to life makes for a very fun dynamic in our household.

Wreath: DIY – Florals from Hobby Lobby.

Front Door Paint Color

Door Color: Benjamin Moore Cheating Heart.

RUG: Ruggable – Moroccan Collection: Kavi Rose Gold.

Curtains: Ikea.

Foyer Decor

Lantern: Magnolia Hearth and Hand House Lantern.

Similar Fiddle Leaf Tree: Here.

Planter: World Market.

Home Style

We have made some large updates in our home, as well as some smaller cosmetic ones, that have completely transformed the feel. Our home is a Five-Level Split and for those that haven’t seen that style of a home in person, the main perks for us were the high ceilings in every room and the very open layout. It also gives us very usable space, rather than a traditional setup.

Wall Color

Wall Color: Sherwin Williams Light French Gray.

Dining Room

This room has seen several updates in the short two years we’ve lived here. We did a DIY update to the existing chair rail that was here when we moved in. We wanted a statement rug to ground the room and we couldn’t love our non-slip, washable…yes I said WASHABLE rug more in this room!

Wall Color: Sherwin Williams Light French Gray.

Rug: Ruggable Vintage Daisy Bordered Blue.

Mudcloth Pumpkins: you can find my DIY on our IG page – click on “DIY“.

Bench: Ikea.

Chandelier: Crate and Barrel.

Table Top

Wall Hanging: World Market Half Moon Wall Hanging.

Candlesticks: World Market

Clear/Gold Vase: World Market

China: Macy’s

Table Runner: West Elm

DIY Dining Table

Our dining table was actually the first piece of furniture Brett and I built together…on the garage floor at my condo. It was certainly worth it, but needless to say our knees were killing us by the end of it! (We’ve updated the workshop since then.)

Similar Dining Table: Here, Here & Here.

Dining Chairs: World Market – WM- Paige Dining Chair – Natural Linen.

Buffet Table: found at a thrift store, refinished with Annie Sloan Chalk Paint – similar here.

Floating shelves: Brackets – Farmhouse Brackets – similar: here (brackets + shelves).

Kitchen

Our kitchen is one of my favorite spaces in our home. We have put a lot of blood, sweat, well no tears… but definitely blood and sweat in here!

Countertop

Countertops: Marble-looking Quartz Counters.

Kitchen Island

Brett custom built the kitchen island. Our previous island didn’t allow for counter stools, so after a short discussion one evening, Brett created this beautiful piece! We decided to paint it an accent color to really make a statement and chose a rug that pulled the blue undertones out.

Washable Kitchen Runner: Ruggable.

Kitchen Cabinets

The wall cabinets were in good condition when we purchased the home and with it being such a large space, we opted to paint rather than replace them! We are still very happy with this decision and added details to the existing cabinets to customize them to our taste!

Backsplash & Faucet

Backsplash: Floor and Decor – Ice white square subway tile – similar here.

Faucet: Delta Trinsic in Matte Black.

Pendant Light: Wayfair.

Kitchen Hardware

Kitchen Hardware: AmazonHome – no longer sell these – similar: Pulls & Knobs.

Kitchen Cabinet Paint Color

Kitchen Cabinets: Benjamin Moore Chantilly Lace.

Kitchen Island Paint Color

Kitchen Island Paint Color: Benjamin Moore 1617 Cheating Heart.

Counterstools

Counterstools are from Target.

Breakfast Room

Wall are painted in Benjamin Moore Chantilly Lace.

Rug: Ruggable – similar here.

Dining Chairs

Dining Chairs: World Market.

Table Greenery: Target.

Lighting: IKEA Bamboo Pendant Lamp – similar here & here.

Curtains & Rod: Ikea.

Fireplace & Dining Table

A 3-sided fireplace brings warmth to the breakfast room and family room.

Similar Stacked Stone: Here.

Similar Counterstools: Here.

Chevron Mirror: World Market.

Breakfast Room Dining Table: Overstock.

Message

Letterboard: similar here.

Family Room

This space has had some updates recently! This room is a bit of a hybrid between a family room and a traditional living room. Our goal with changing the furniture and layout in this room was to create more livable space. We chose a mid century modern sofa that was not only the design we wanted, but also extremely comfortable!

Sofa: Macy’s Jolene Sectional.

Accent Chair: Target.

Floor Lamp: Target.

Knit Blanket: West Elm.

White Mudcloth Pillows: RH – similar here.

Wall color: SW Light French Gray.

Hardwood Flooring

Recently, we updated our flooring with a consistent floor throughout the entire first level. We chose a high-end laminate because of the durability…we will be having kids in the future and puppies (lots of them, if it were up to me…though my husband would likely disagree). It’s a beautiful laminate and can hold standing water for up to 30+ hours, so perfect for kitchens!

Flooring: Floor and Decor – AquaGuard Gogh Water-Resistant Laminate – AquaGuard Laminate.

Rug: Ruggable Linear Aztec Black – similar here.

Poufs: At Home.

Coffee Table

Per the suggestion of my sister, she recommended we go with a padded ottoman, rather than building our own coffee table. She has two little ones and they love running around our house so avoiding sharp corners was a main concern. We decided to do a narrow ottoman with two poufs for additional seating.

Ottoman Coffee Table: Target.

Home Office

Upstairs we have bedrooms and then this loft space.

Chair: World Market.

Decor

Since I work from home, this functions as my office. It’s the only room in this house that’s just “my” space, so I wanted to add a touch of girly, that I wouldn’t necessarily want in the main areas of our home. I chose white furniture, added accents of rose gold and gold, and finished with a fun rug that ties it all together!

Rug: Ruggable – Kilim Batik Pink – similar here.

“Think Differently” Sign: HomeGoods

Similar Work Hard + Be Nice to People” Sign: here.

Desk: No longer Available – similar here & here.

Master Bedroom

The goal for our master bedroom was to have a place that felt calm and serene. That had things that were special to Brett and I in the furniture and the decor. I designed the prints above our bed with lyrics from our first dance song, and had them custom made. Our furniture in this room is some of my favorites.

Bed: JCPenney – no longer available – similar here.

Lights: Ikea

Bedding

Pillows: Target

Similar Bedding: Here & Here (both are highly recommended).

Walls

We decided to flip the typical dark accent wall, with one light wall as the focal point instead.

Dresser

Typically the way things go in our household is I sketch up a design of what I’d like and Brett makes it come to life, even better than I planned. We built the nightstands together first and Brett built our beautiful 9 drawer dresser while I was away for work!

Master Bathroom

The colors in the bedroom flow into the bathroom to give a very spa-like feel. The tile we chose ties the two rooms together perfectly.

Bathroom Vanity

Vanity is painted in Chantilly Lace by Benjamin Moore.

Round Mirrors

Mirrors: AtHome – similar here.

Chunky Shelves

The chunky floating shelves were built by Brett.

Wall Color: SW Alabaster.

Floor Tile

Tile: Floor and Decor Florentina Gray Tile – similar here.

Basement

As I indicated in the intro, our house is a 5-level split, so this room is the first floor down prior to the true basement. We spend a majority of our downtime in here. We wanted this room to be comfortable, first and foremost, but also have an element of design.

Couch: Macy’s.

Decor

Wicker Baskets: Homegoods

White baskets: Target

White vases and tan base: Target

Other white vases: West Elm

Eucalyptus Garland: Target

Frames: Ikea.

Paint Color

Sherwin Williams Light French Gray SW0055.

DIY

We decided to build a custom entertainment center that was functional, had storage, and also was a well designed focal point when you walk in the room.

Guest Bathroom

This was one of my most nerve racking experiments. This bathroom was just about the furthest thing from our style.

Since this isn’t a heavily used space currently, we didn’t want to invest a lot money into it! Our goal is to update the counter and faucet relatively soon and at some point put in permanent flooring, but for now we love what we accomplished on a budget!

Similar Hardware: Pulls

Flooring

I decided one evening to attempt to stencil the floors. It was a bit of a project and with drying time, it took a good chunk of time, but in the end this was a great decision and the perfect short term fix!

Floors: Royal Stencil Quilt stencil Concrete Quilt – similar here & here.

Bath Mat: World Market.

Tray

Tray: Target – Opalhouse

Mirror

Mirror frame: DIY with 1x6in boards and corner brackets (easy update).

Well friends, that’s a wrap! We had so much fun putting this together and couldn’t be more grateful for the opportunity to showcase all the work we’ve done in our home.

Thank you again, Luciane, for featuring us on your blog and big thanks to all that read along! Can’t wait to meet new friends and find new inspiration ourselves!

Many thanks to Ali & Brett for sharing all of the details above. Make sure to follow @BARCbyBrettandAli on Instagram for more inspiration!

Photography: Columbus Pics.

Amazing End-of-Season Sales!

Thank you for shopping through Home Bunch. I would be happy to assist you if you have any questions or are looking for something in particular. Feel free to contact me and always make sure to check dimensions before ordering. Happy shopping!

Serena & Lily: Free Shipping on Everything with code: NEWGOALS

Wayfair: Massive Rug Sale! Up to 75% OFF!

Joss & Main: Up to 80% Off on Clearance

Pottery Barn:Up to 70% Off plus Free Shipping on your order with code: FREESHIP

West Elm: New Items on sale – Free Shipping with code: FREERIDE

Horchow: Free Shipping with code: FREESHIP

Anthropologie: Extra 50% OFF Sale Items!

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“Dear God,

If I am wrong, right me. If I am lost, guide me. If I start to give-up, keep me going.

Lead me in Light and Love”.

Have a wonderful day, my friends and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

with Love,

Luciane from HomeBunch.com

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un-nmd · 7 years

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Recent listening—

John Zorn, Naked City (1989) Reserve judgement till after you’ve heard the likes of “A Shot In The Dark” or “You Will Be Shot” (detect a theme?) for in these Lynchian juxtapositions of the mundane and the visceral, Zorn and co-conspirators laugh in all the faces of the jazz purists, art music graduates, avant-garde cultists—compartmentalisers or cataloguers or labellers, basically. The madness was always there. Zorn was only woke enough to listen to the wind and precipitate what she betrayed of her lover’s broken heart, or hearts: New York, L.A., Chicago, either/or, doesn’t matter, once past a critical mass all tend to the same limit, the wind’s seen ‘em all and they’re all the same. Naked City’s a portrait of order gone to anarchy. Whatever identity the “Latin Quarter” once had is here presented as a frenetic collage of whims; predatory, music liable to combust at any given moment. Likewise “Siagon Pickup” for an oriental equivalent. But sometimes the omens are bad enough that you can anticipate the storm, and even enjoy it, revel in it when it comes. Like on “Reanimator” where Zorn’s freakout heralds some insane climax that’s euphoric for the awakened. And please don’t miss that it’s all awfully hilarious to them as they feel and know that these stoic truths are lost on those yet to accept that all’s gone to shit, yes, even in your ivory towers, your vaults and penthouses and corporation headquarters; there its only letting itself take a bit longer to be known, but chaos’ll come, so you might as well wise up and enjoy it.

Death Grips, The Money Store (2012) Rather a lot to take in upon first hearing. Immediately plainly a refinement of the aesthetic put forth on Exmilitary but now with an entire studio to run around in these kids have wrought havoc on Mr. and Mrs. White’s 8-track ideal—couldn’t come up with a more fitting antithesis to De Stijl (and Mondrian’s, too) if you let the industry wallow another decade. So why’s this defunct Detroit duo in the mind?—cos where are the guitars, man? Every beat’s packed to near bursting with all manner of production craftsmanships (or gimmickries if you see it that way), MC Ride’s tripping bars overlaid—too much matter, really, to be dealt with on the first wave. But you appreciate the covenant this sonic assault bespeaks—this hip-hop New Complexity has room only to deepen from here. So steep in it, and by about round 3 or 4 (depending on how acute your lobes are) you’ll have undergone some sort of desensitisation to this violence in noise—and now you’re in a place to prophesy. Despite Ride’s barely discernible delivery (except on the eponymous hooks to nearly all 13) the ‘point’ of it all somehow gets itself across—it is, unlike the music itself, not very complex, and mainly involves embarrassing amounts of non-specifically directed anger. Dare I say it, there’s no filler on this, it’s a wild enjoyable ride and a happy side-effect to the maximalist production is there’ll always be something to tickle the ear. And when the hooks do come its a righteous clarifying of the chaos that would eventually get old if it stood alone. Plus, theorists can invoke an unholy marriage by ascribing some mutant Bartókian arch form: “Get Got” and “Hacker” as symmetrical sandwiching allegros, “Double Helix” as Nachtmusik?

Ornette Coleman, The Shape of Jazz to Come (1959) If you’re hearing these albums in the same order I did you’ll get the same shock upon flicking on what you expect to be Coleman’s near-incomprehensible emancipated bebop and instead hearing a tune that’s actually perfectly singable, and moreover, one that you actually know—how’s that? Must be covering some standard which has somehow osmosed itself into your consciousness but—look it up, in fact its a Coleman original! And so where have you heard it before? Ah: Zorn. It seems then that those slurring drunkard articulations on the head to “Lonely Woman” embodied one of the few Coleman melodies (if not the only) that stuck itself to the underbelly of the hard bop canon—shape of jazz to come, indeed. But it wasn’t so much the heads that would (or were, at least, intended to) mould future generations—rather what lay in between: the emancipation of melody, yes, forget keys, forget harmonic structure, and while you’re at it throw your modal jazz out the window. I’ve always felt ‘harmolodics’ to be a poor term because really it ought to be just melody, that element of music which Coleman raised to the highest pedestal; melody alone, melody a priori. But as a pseudo-theoretic buzzword it does just fine.

John Coltrane, Offering: Live at Temple University (1966) First thing you notice is Coltrane’s uncomfortably, blatantly in the fore. There’s a need to turn it up so you can make out the other activity and by the time you’ve done so Trane’s tenor’ll be blaring out so loud it’s like he’s right by you. But the mixing seems to get more favourable as the numbers progress—or maybe you just adjust. Yes, revisiting, he’s up in your grill but not to intimidate. He’s there to send a very personal message. This was, after all, his penultimate live recording before he quit the grid in July of ‘67. He was getting close to something, and to tell it, he’s gotta get close to you. In the old quartet he might’ve had trouble getting so spiritual. You get the feeling that the mystic tendencies were more at home in this more familial second ensemble. There’s a communion of sorts. And technically they’re equally fine: Alice takes up right where McCoy Tyner left off and actually on her solos she’s more in line with her husband’s ‘sheets’ than her predecessor, part of the reason why the closer on this has replaced what used to be my favourite “My Favorite Things”: Belgium ‘65, check it here. And this is no mean feat as Tyner’s comping/the extended solo on that one’s where quartal harmony came of age, or at least in my experience. The opening to the Offering take’s also a real rarity: double bass goes at taut catgut like anything but cool. We’ve heard with what’s now alarming regularity the rhythm section’s other two rip loose free-form and its high time the other essential’s had a stake in the fun. But now let’s discuss what assures Live at Temple a place in legend. Drop in somewhere about halfway through “Leo”. Trane’s just finished up screaming outta his tenor. Rashied Ali’s going at it now, wild thing on the kit like a hurricane, whirling, whirling, an Almighty gnashing of teeth on calf hide for six or so minutes when all a sudden Trane comes—or is it Pharaoh?—some fella a-moanin’ like a lunatic at the rapture; Obeah Man, elder. Some sole black voice monophonic, like plainchant only infinitely more ancient. What, or whom, are they invoking? Seems they’re their own demons—that, or they’re oracles, come to preach the word in sonic semiotic, purveyors of the sound and the fury.

Food For Animals, Belly (2008) These D.C. fellas put out a remarkably consistent aesthetic and with more personality than you might expect from hip-hop in the industrial vein. That is, what you might expect is: An incoherent, arbitrary mish-mash of overvolted sawtooths, saturated found noise, and other cheap effects; at heart no more than a glorified dubstep. That’s where Christgau was coming from with Death Grips as “Skrillex-as-Unabomber or Skrillex-sans-fun”. But this, like Hill’s trio, is undeserving of such scoffing critique. Any incoherence (and sure, there’s plenty) is but part of a higher level narrative that itself is coherent. Hear it like timbre composition—argument between textures drives the musical conflict. Timbre variation dictates form. And sure, the jargon’s a little dry so let’s talk application: lyrically “Belly Kids” retells the ubiquitous suburbian nostalgia that we also found on the Arcade Fire’s Grammy laureate. As words cast mind’s eye far back, music evokes some sort of youth decay in reverse; the same motion but in sonic terms. The opening’s the hardest the beats ever get on this. Only one direction to go from there. So we ease up and ease up, harshness tempering at each fresh verse, vector very clear, then arrival at the final lines, delivered nude, final lines and the final element: the word. And you know them because they’re self-same to those that were spoken in the apocalyptic beginning. Brahms would be proud. A similar clarification but more on the scale of the Tristan resolution occurs between “Maryland Slang” and “Tween Fantasy” in which the former’s verse is resurrected (Mahler would be proud) before the latter’s velvet shimmering manifold, a thousand tiny chimes in a gentle breeze. And there are many more gems to be found in this urban gizzard (hints: “Shhhy” sample, preprise/main event) but I’ve written enough already.

#john zorn #death grips #ornette coleman #john coltrane #food for animals

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newyorktheater · 6 years

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My seventh annual Broadway gift guide below includes links and information on shopping for theater tickets, theater subscriptions, cast recordings, play scripts, librettos and new and cherished books about the theater and theater on screen! I also suggest some souvenirs and knick-knacks intended as tangible reminders of an evanescent experience.

A special recommendation this year: Make sure you visit (in person or online) the Drama Book Shop, which is closing in January after 101 years in business, although they are trying to find a new, more affordable home. (Details in the new and cherished books section.)

THEATER TICKETS

Gift cards: Telecharge gift cards , TKTS gift certificates and Today Tix gift cards allow the theatergoers on your holiday list to pick their own show to go to (or several shows – depending on how much money you put on the card.)

Some suggest it’s better to give a gift card from Visa or Mastercard,because the theater-specific gift cards charge fees for each show.

If you know what specific show your theater lover would love, or are willing to guess, you can buy tickets for them yourself directly from the show’s website or from the box office, or from the secondary ticket seller whose links I provide below.

Some popular Broadway favorites, listed alphabetically:

THE BANDS VISIT

Ethel Barrymore Theater Opened: November 9, 2017 Twitter feed: @TheBandsVisit The surprise winner of 11 Tony Awards, including Best Musical of 2018, this wonderful adaptation of an off-beat Israeli film, about an Egyptian police orchestra that gets lost and winds up in a dinky desert town in Israel, features David Yazbek’s exquisite Middle Eastern score and delicious lyrics, a spot-on cast led by Katrina Lenk, and a story adapted by Itamar Moses that’s both doleful and droll. Click on the My review link to watch a video excerpt of “Welcome to Nowhere.”

My review

Buy tickets to The Band’s Visit

THE BOOK OF MORMON

The Eugene O’Neill Theater Opened: March 24, 2011 Twitter feed: @BookofMormonBWY This musical by Trey Parker and Matt Stone (book), the creators of South Park, and Robert Lopez, one of the composer-lyricists for “Avenue Q” (music and lyrics) is about both the founder of the Church of Latter-Day Saints and modern disciples. It is outrageous, irreverent in one way, but also deeply reverent to (even while parodying) the best traditions of the Broadway musical.

My review

Buy Book of Mormon tickets

DEAR EVAN HANSEN

Music Box Theater Opened: December 4, 2016 Twitter feed: @DearEvanHansen

Winner of six 2017 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, this original story by songwriting team Pasek and Paul (“A Christmas Story,” Oscar winners for the lyrics on “La-La Land”) and playwright Steven Levenson is about an anxious outcast high school student who, through a well-meaning lie, is thought to have been best friends with a classmate who commits suicide. The lie gets way out of control. Its intelligent commentary on several pressing current issues, its tuneful and moving songs and its compelling performances made this a cult favorite, but the cult now could hardly be wider. The original Evan Hansen, Ben Platt, has departed.

My review

Buy Dear Evan Hansen tickets

HAMILTON

The Richard Rodgers Opened: August 6, 2015 Twitter feed: @HamiltonMusical

When Hamilton opened Off-Broadway in 2016, I called it groundbreaking and breathtaking – and I was trying not to gush…Analyzing the importance of ‘Hamilton’ misses the main takeaway from the musical: It’s thrilling to watch. It seems always in motion, thanks to a creative team including director Thomas Kail, and especially choreographer Andy Blankenbuehler, who keeps the sexy ensemble very busy. They help enhance what are some terrific performances. (All the original principals have left, but the replacement cast are worthy heirs.)

Everything Hamilton

Buy Hamilton tickets

THE LION KING

Minskoff Theater (200 West 45th Street) Opened: November 13, 1997 Twitter: @TheLionKing Based on the 1994 Disney animated film about the coming-of-age of a young lion in the African jungle, this musical offers African-inflected music by Elton John, lyrics by Tim Rice and the visual magic of Julie Taymor. Taymor is the director, a composer and lyricist for some of the songs. But above all, she is the designer of the costumes, masks, and puppets — and it is these visuals that make this show a good first theatrical experience.

Buy The Lion King tickets

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Majestic Theater (247 West 44th Street) Opened: January 26, 1988 Twitter: @TheOperaGhosts The Phantom of the Opera, based on a 1911 French novel by Gaston Leroux, is about a disfigured genius named Erik who lives in the catacombs of the Paris Opera House and falls in love with Christine, an aspiring singer whom he helps…until an old flame of Christine’s named Raoul steps back into the picture. However, the story in the musical, written and composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber — with more than its share of 1980′s heavy power ballads — is starting to take second place to the story of the musical, which is the longest-running Broadway musical of all time.

Buy Phantom of the Opera tickets

SCHOOL OF ROCK

Winter Garden Theater

Opened: December 6, 2015

Closing: January 20, 2019

Andrew Lloyd Webber has chosen to adapt a movie with a plot that could hardly be sillier, and supplies a new score that could hardly be more addictive. ‘School of Rock’ is full of both hard-charging rock n roll and supremely catchy melodies…The kids don’t just sing exquisitely and dance with infectious abandon, they also play the musical instruments themselves

Buy School of Rock tickets

WICKED

Gershwin Theater (222 West 51st Street) Opened: October 30, 2003 Twitter: @WICKED_Musical The musical tells the story of “The Wizard of Oz” from the witches’ perspective, more specifically from the Wicked Witch of the West, who was not, as a child, wicked at all, but just green-tinted, taunted, and misunderstood. There is so much to like about this musical, the clever twists on the familiar tale, the spectacular set, and music that is a lot more appealing in context (such as the song “Defying Gravity”) that I will forgive the contortions necessary to tack on a happy ending.

Impossible to get (or at least to afford) Broadway shows

Springsteen on Broadway

Buy tickets to Springsteen on Broadway

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

Buy tickets to Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

My Favorite Broadway Shows So Far This Season

The Ferryman

By the time “The Ferryman” has ended, we have been treated to a breathtaking mix of revenge action thriller, romance, melodrama, family saga, and a feast of storytelling – ghost stories, fairy stories, stories of Irish history and politics, stories of longing and of loss.

Jez Butterworth’s play about farmer Quinn Carney and his sprawling, colorful family is rich, sweeping entertainment — epic, tragic….and cinematic.

Recommended for 10+, barred to children under 4.

Tickets to The Ferryman

The Waverly Gallery

Elaine May is back on a Broadway stage after more than 50 years, and making the most of it in The Waverly Gallery, Kenneth Lonergan’s meticulously observed, funny and sad play about a woman’s decline and its effect on her family. May is not alone. She is one of five stellar cast members, notably Lucas Hedges making a splendid Broadway debut. They turn this 18-year-old play into…if not required, certainly well-rewarded viewing.

Recommended for 10 +, barred to children under 4.

Tickets to The Waverly Gallery.

Broadway Shows Not Yet Opened

Don’t forget the shows this season that have not yet opened, although let’s hope that your theater lover is adventurous enough to avoid blaming you for any disappointment. I can’t recommend shows I haven’t seen, but here are links for tickets already on sale that have been generating some buzz.

The Cher Show

Buy tickets to The Cher Show

Network

Buy tickets to Network

To Kill A Mockingbird

Buy tickets to To Kill A Mockingbird

For details on these and other current Broadway shows, check out the

Broadway Season Guide 2018-2019

What about Off-Broadway?

There are many terrific shows Off-Broadway, although their generally shorter runs can be problematic when looking for a gift.

Buy Off Broadway tickets

Off-Broadway Preview Guide Fall 2018

The best thing about tickets is that this is a gift that gives pleasure twice – at the time you give it,and then when the theater lover actually goes to the show, which can be many months in the future. Back to top

THEATER SUBSCRIPTIONS/MEMBERSHIPS

Many theaters – the non-profit ones — offer subscriptions or memberships, which can be a wonderful gift that lasts an entire season…or a terrible burden for the increasing number of theatergoers who are commitment-phobic. (I’ve written a whole article about the waning popularity of theater subscriptions.)

Still, this can be the perfect gift for the right recipient if you pick the right theater, some of whom offer more flexible alternatives to subscriptions, such as flex passes and memberships.

Here are a sampling, listed alphabetically. I’ve had a membership/subscription to each one of these at one time or another. One of the problems you will see when you click on the links is that the subscriptions to some of these theaters this season are already sold out. (You might be able to purchase memberships for next season.)

The Brooklyn Academy of Music, which makes it easy to buy a gift membership.

Classic Stage Company

Lincoln Center Theater

MCC Theater

New York Shakespeare Festival Public Theater

Playwrights Horizons

Roundabout Theater Company

Vineyard Theater

THEATER ON SCREEN

There are an increasing number of companies that offer online screening of what could be called theater-on demand.

BroadwayHD. ($8.99 a month or $99.99 a year) offer dozens of shows that were recorded live, such as the Broadway productions of “She Loves Me” and “Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill,” but also a good number of shows Off-Broadway, and the offerings from the American Film Theater from the 1970s, such as “The Maids” starring Glenda Jackson and Susannah York and “Rhinoceros” with Zero Mostel.

Other theater-on demand online services include Cennarium ($9.97 a month; $95.64 a year), which focuses on offerings outside the United States, and Shakespeare’s Globe (Available worldwide, 3.99 to 5.99 pounds to rent, 5.99 to 11.99 pounds to buy).

One has to hunt for “theater” on film on Kanopy, which mostly has art films and documentaries; on the other hand, if you have a library card, it’s free (although you are limited to 10 films a month.) It would be a good gift just to tell your theater lover about Kanopy.

Similarly, Great Performances from PBS streams theater mostly for free, although some require a membership in the local PBS station. That would be a great gift!

Throughout the year, the National Theatre Live broadcasts its productions in movie theaters throughout the United States. The 2015 production of Hamlet with Benedict Cumberbatch, for example, will return starting in March; it’s not too early to buy tickets.

For those who would prefer something more old-fashioned, both the National Theatre and the Royal Shakespeare Company sells DVDs of its productions, although you have to pay in pounds.

THEATER BOOKS, PLAYS, SCRIPTS

There are some wonderful evergreen, expensive gift ideas. My favorites:

August Wilson’s complete 10-play Century Cycle, which includes such gems as “The Piano Lesson,” “Fences,” “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” – one play for each decade of the twentieth century, which together offer a compelling look at African-American life through the eye and ear of one of the nation’s greatest dramatists.

Buy August Wilson Century Cycle

Stephen Sondheim’s two-volume collection of his lyrics, Finishing The Hat and Look, I Made A Hat, a collection of lyrics , anecdotes, fascinating scholarly notes, and strong opinions from the composer and/or lyricist of such seminal musical theater as “West Side Story,” “Gypsy,” “Company,” “Sweeney Todd,” “A Little Night Music,” “Assassins.”

Buy Hat Box: The Collected Lyrics of Stephen Sondheim

There are three recent lavish coffee table books that offer behind-the-scenes looks at favorite musicals, and include the entire script, annotated.

Hamilton: The Revolution is a book for fans, with page after page of full-color photographs from the production, and lots of personal anecdotes. But if it’s a souvenir book, it’s one that—like the musical and its creators—is unusually ambitious. It includes the complete lyrics, annotated by Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda, alternating with chapters that explain the evolution of the musical but also the historical and political significance of Alexander Hamilton.

Buy Hamilton: The Revolution

The other two: Dear Evan Hansen: Through the Window and The Great Comet: The Journey of a New Musical to Broadway

The three-volume set of Arthur Miller’s plays — 42 in all — from the Library of America/ Buy The Collected Plays of Arthur Miller (Library of America)

Buy American Musicals: The Complete Books and Lyrics of 16 Broadway Classics, 1927-1969 (Library of America)

This readable book focuses on the structure of successful musicals, going chronologically step by step from the overture to the finale. It is written by Jack Viertel, who is both an executive at Jujamcyn Theaters (owners of five Broadway houses) and the artistic director of New York City Center Encores! series that attempts to gain new reputations for old musicals, He knows his musicals, and his is invaluable in its summaries and discussions of specific shows we might not know (or not remember well) but should. And he includes a final chapter with his recommendations for the best recordings of the 37 musicals he has analyzed, and for 20 more musicals “that can’t be ignored even though they are not quoted in the book.”

Buy The Secret Life of the American Musical: How Broadway Shows Are Built

The downside of many of these books is not their size or their price — it’s that anybody who would die to get one of these as gifts may well already own it.

Other books, recently published, of interest (Click on links to learn more about them or to purchase them):

Coffee table books: American Theatre Wing, An Oral History: 100 Years, 100 Voices, 100 Million Miracles

Fraver by Design: Five Decades of Theatre Poster Art from Broadway, Off-Broadway, and Beyond

Leonard Bernstein 100: The Masters Photograph the Maestro

A Novel Novel

Dear Evan Hansen: The Novel

Memoirs and biographies: Looking for Lorraine: The Radiant and Radical Life of Lorraine Hansberry

In Pieces

Take You Wherever You Go

Defying Gravity: The Creative Career of Stephen Schwartz, from Godspell to Wicked Revised and Updated Second Ed.

Making Oscar Wilde

Playing to the Gods: Sarah Bernhardt, Eleonora Duse, and the Rivalry that Changed Acting Forever

Criticism/History

Rise Up!: Broadway and American Society from ‘Angels in America’ to ‘Hamilton’

Something Wonderful: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Broadway Revolution

Check out more in the books section of this site.

My suggestion if you wish to select as a gift a script or a theater or entertainment book is to check out The Drama Book Shop, at 250 West 40th Street, which has generally friendly, knowledgeable staff, and is one of my favorite hang-outs in the theater district (I should point out that I don’t drink.) Its hours are from Monday—Saturday,11:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m., Thursdays until 8:00 p.m. They also have a website from which you can order. And, as I mentioned up top, they’ve lost their lease and will be closing up shop at the end of January — perhaps forever if they can’t find an affordable storefront. Another excellent place for scripts is Samuel French, the “definitive” publisher of plays and musicals in English – mostly in relatively inexpensive “acting editions.” Also now available are “e-plays” and cast recordings. You can visit at 45 West 25th Street, but it’s not a place to hang out. Their redesigned website has some cool features: Click on “Now Playing” and you will get to a map showing the location of current local productions of the plays it has published.

Applause Theatre and Cinema Books closed their bookstore on the Upper West Side, alas, but remains a publisher of quality theatrical books, which you can order online.

The online bookstore of Theatre Communications Group offers some wonderful plays it publishes. (Check out the TCG Gift Guide

You also might want to consider one (or a bunch) of the 50 Best Plays of the Last 100 Years

Bookstores in Theaters: Some of my favorite theaters also have books for sale, mostly scripts of the plays they have produced. This includes Playwrights Horizons

CAST RECORDINGS

Broadway Records sells gift cards, and a special treat — a limited number of CDs signed by the casts or individual perfomers. Their digital offerings include current and recent Broadway musicals such as Anastasia, Groundhog Day, My Fair Lady, as well as a 2017 Tony Award® Season compilation album, (no evidence of a 2018 edition.) They also offer live performances of such Broadway stars as Patti LuPone, Aaron Tveit, Norbert Leo Butz and Laura Benanti at 54 Below.

(A night at 54 Below itself, “Broadway’s supper club,” would make a nice present.)

Buy the 2017 Tony Award Season CD

PS Classics — Fun Home, Lady Day At Emerson’s Bar and Grill starring Audra McDonald, On The Town, On The Twentieth Century with Kristin Chenoweth, and a huge catalogue of Sondheim shows.

Ghostlight/Sh-k-Boom — Their bestseller is in Be More Chill…in vinyl. They also have The Band’s Visit, A Bronx Tale, Falsettos and War Paint. Their bestseller is Lin-Manuel Mirand’s In The Heights. Their releases run the gamut, Aladdin, Beautiful: The Carol King Musical, Bridges of Madison County, Daddy Long Legs, First Daughter Suite, Fortress of Solitude, Something Rotten, The Last Five Years (available as original cast album, 2013 Off-Broadway cast album, and movie soundtrack)

Masterworks Broadway, a division of Sony Classics, offers the music of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (yes, we know it’s not a musical), as well as Head Over Heels, The Prom, and Jesus Christ Superstar Live. Also: Kinky Boots, The King and I with Yul Brynner, the 1949 recording of Kiss Me Kate, and the original 1992 recording of Kander and Ebb’s Kiss of the Spider Woman, and lots of albums that don’t begin with the letter K, including the A-list album An American in Paris, and The Essential Sondheim, featuring songs from 16 of his musicals, and one movie score.

Buy The Essential Stephen Sondheim

For an extravagant gift, they sell Broadway in a Box – The Essential Broadway Musicals Collection — 25 (!) CDs of original cast recordings, from Annie to West Side Story.

Buy Broadway in a Box – The Essential Broadway Musicals Collection

Atlantic Records, not normally in the original cast album business, is the company that put out the best-selling ‘Hamilton” album.

Buy Hamilton (Original Broadway Cast Recording)(Explicit)(2CD)

Also available from Atlantic

The Hamilton Mixtape [Explicit]

BROADWAY BAUBLES

— posters, calendars, t-shirts and knick-knacks (magnets, mugs, keychains, umbrellas etc)

The Lion King beach towel

King Kong window card

Olaf plush doll from Frozen

Dear Evan Hansen t-shirt

School of Rock cap

Hamilton t-shirt

A t-shirt, “Bad Idea,” a song from Waitress

cufflinks from the Royal Shakespeare Company

Wicked Emerald City umbrella

Phantom of the Opera mug

Each Broadway show offers a range of merchandise that you can buy at the theater itself and in gift shops in the theater district, and online at each show’s website, as well as on a variety of other sites, for example at the Playbill.com store. Playbill covers are plastered over all sorts of items — posters, mugs, magnets, Christmas tree ornaments, and the 2019 On Broadway Wall Calendar

There is an $80 pair of Playbill pajamas for men, which I’d love to get as a gift, and a 1,000-piece Playbill jigsaw puzzle, which I’d only consider giving to an enemy.

The more artistically inclined might want to hire Stephen Winterhalter, proprietor of The Art of Broadway etsy store to turn their Playbill(s) into a frame collage.

A good place to purchase theater knick-knacks is Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, which has an online store using the logos and/or program covers from the best-known Broadway shows for everything from umbrellas and clocks to iPhone covers and shower curtains. They offer “Broadway Legend” tree ornaments, this year featuring Harvey Fierstein as Edna Turnblad. They also sell gift certificates Proceeds from their products help the needy.

Theater-related calendars strike me as a good gift — they last all year. Examples include the Hamilton 2019 Wall Calendar: An American Musical and Royal Shakespeare Company – Angus McBean Wall Calendar 2019 (Art Calendar)

Those who don’t want to feel forced to discard their theater images at the end of next year can opt instead for theater posters, past, present and future. Many are available at Triton Gallery (which has an online store and a brick and mortar one in the theater district), but be aware that many are reproductions (and identified as such) yet can still be as pricey as a ticket to a Broadway show.

Still, it’s worth browsing in either store, as it is in the several gift shops in the theater district and the many theater websites. I’m personally partial to Cafe Press, whose Broadway pages are bursting with individual entrepreneurial spirit, if not consistent wit or sense of design. But where else could I find a “Vintage Hamlet Laptop skin” and 76 Hamlet-themed shower curtains?

Holiday Gifts for Theater Lovers 2018 My seventh annual Broadway gift guide below includes links and information on shopping for theater tickets…

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topmixtrends · 7 years

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WHAT IS A literary taxonomist but a bilious book critic? And yet here I am attempting to critique — no — “respond” to a book that has left me in a state of utter aporia. Music critic Simon Reynolds’s definition of post-punk registers as this attempt to write about László Krasznahorkai’s latest work in translation, The World Goes On. As Reynolds states in his book Rip It Up and Start Again, post-punk is “less a genre of music than a space of possibility,” suggesting that “what unites all this activity is a set of open-ended imperatives: innovation; willful oddness; the willful jettisoning of all things precedented or ‘rock’n’roll.’”

Consider Krasznahorkai as such: willful jettisoning of all things precedented. Kafka. Beckett. The 70-page sentences. (James Wood’s New Yorker review summarizes it as such: “Reality examined to the point of madness.”)

First the facts:

The World Goes On was originally written in Hungarian, an agglutinative language.

Published in Hungarian in 2013.

Translated into English by John Batki, Ottilie Mulzet, and George Szirtes (New Directions, 2017).

Hungary: A landlocked country.

Also behind the Soviet Bloc, a.k.a. Churchill’s Iron Curtain.

Agglutination:

a. mass or group formed by the union of separate elements.

b. the formation of derivational or inflectional words by putting together constituents of which each expresses a single definite meaning.

But how then do we define agglutination through the lens of Krasznahorkai’s prose?

As translator Ottilie Mulzet explained in a 2014 Paris Review interview, the Hungarian language

has seemingly endless suffixes and amazing possibilities for compound words, and it has absolutely flexible word order, depending on what you want to emphasize in the sentence. And I would certainly mention the unbelievable elasticity of Hungarian — it’s like a rubber band. It can expand and expand, until you think, Well, this rubber band is going to break at any moment now, or it can shrink into just a few sparse words, where all the most important parts are left out and you just have to know.

As far as translating Krasznahorkai’s long sentences from Hungarian to English, she goes on to describe the author “deliberately exploiting the extraordinary elasticity of Hungarian grammar.”

To exploit one’s language to the degree that Krasznahorkai does is to triumph as a writer in a way that will outlive the Man Booker Prize or any further accolade. I sincerely believe Krasznahorkai has succeeded in changing the landscape of literature, and we’ve only just begun to read him in English.

In reading this collection of 21 stories, I must begin by saying the author did something utterly profound to me as reader. Krasznahorkai made time stop. I admit that this is the kind of transcendentally stoned thing someone might say at a party after today’s weed and too much wine: he made time stop. But he did. Reading changed for me in reading this book. It’s as though he replaced stream of consciousness with something deeper. Stream of subconsciousness? Can there be such a thing? I do not know how he does it. I do not know if we need to know how he does it, only that it leaves me with a feeling of comfort — I can’t quite figure out what just happened, only that I loved it.

I’ve chosen to quote in full one of his shorter pieces, “Not on the Heraclitean Path” from the first of three sections of the book (I. Speaks, II. Narrates, III. Bids Farewell). I partially chose this piece because it begins with one of the shorter sentences in the collection, and partially because it felt wrong to “excerpt” his prose. So here goes “Not on the Heraclitean Path” in its entirety. I encourage you to read Krasznahorkai with no distraction. If you are on a train, do not look out the window mid-sentence. If you are on your computer, do not check your email. Do not take a bite of a sandwich. Ignore loved ones. And for god’s sake, turn off the news.

This is part of the experience — and joy — that is not only reading in the modern era, but reading Krasznahorkai, whom you’d do a disservice to his work were you to interrupt his so-called “flow.” Though I do, later on in this review, extrapolate bits of his prose for the sake of giving you, the reader, a sense of his other stories, I do so with a sense of sacrilege. Mr. Krasznahorkai, for that, I am sorry.

“Not on the Heraclitean Path”

Memory is the art of forgetting.

It does not deal with reality, reality is not what engages it, it has no substantial relation whatsoever to that inexpressible, infinite complexity that is reality itself, in the same way and to the same extent that we ourselves are unable to reach the point where we can catch even a glimpse of this indescribable, infinite complexity (for reality and glimpsing it are one and the same); so the rememberer covers the same distance to the past about to be evoked as that covered when this past had been the present, thereby revealing that there had never been a connection to reality, and this connection had never been desired, since regardless of the horror or beauty that the memory evokes, the rememberer always works starting from the essence of the image about to be evoked, an essence that has no reality, and not even starting from a mistake, for he fails to recall reality not by making a mistake, but because he handles what is complex in the loosest and most arbitrary manner, by infinitely simplifying the infinitely complex to arrive at something relative to which he has a certain distance, and this is how memory is sweet, this is how memory is dazzling, and this is how memory comes to be heartrending and enchanting, for here you stand, in the midst of an infinite and inconceivable complexity, you stand here utterly dumbfounded, helpless, clueless, and lost, holding the infinite simplicity of the memory in your hand — plus of course the devastating tenderness of melancholy, for you sense, as you hold this memory, that its reality lies somewhere in the heartless, sober, ice-cold distance.

If we are “not” on the Heraclitean path, in which “the path up and down are one and the same,” then what? We’re on the Kraszahorkian path, in which reality, this indescribable, infinite complexity, is forever ungraspable, “for reality and glimpsing it are one and the same.”

In “Nine Dragon Crossing,” Krasznahorkai beautifully conflates the mental landscape of a drunk man to that same man trapped inside an expressway in Shanghai, the Nine Dragon Crossing. This man, a “simultaneous interpreter” is on a lifelong quest to visit one of three waterfalls: Angel Falls, Victoria Falls, or perhaps, the Schaffhausen Falls.

Metaphors can be nauseating, and I do not presume this sophisticated of an author to rely on such a novice literary tool. And yet, the waterfalls. It was probably the most memorable imagery in the book because of how unexpectedly it is worked into the prose. The man never visits the waterfalls and yet, as the story continues, the drunk man, now hungover, makes his way back to his hotel, “his head — that bowl of mush — against the pillow,” and that is when it happens. That is when the man on the television in an “ever vivid Cantonese dialect” speaks to the hungover man on the bed, and says:

the entirety of the whole is not a sum of the smaller wholes but simply exists, if it existed, except that it does not, therefore there is no sense in talking about it, which would be all right, except for one problem, that now the belief in it also has no sense, however without it our entire way of thinking collapses, for we cannot coexist with a whole that does not exist, that does not amount to the sum of its parts, we cannot bear the thought that there is something that does not exist, something we cannot conceive of, something in front of which all our thoughts, all our intuitions, all our ideas collapse into sheer meaninglessness, because the merest thought of it is false, wrong, misleading, stupid, but on the other hand, if this is how things stand, and there is no single ultimate Whole that contains all the other wholes, then there are no wholes that are the sum of their parts either, and this is how it could happen that it makes no sense to inquire about the meaning of the smaller wholes, even if, and especially if, we are unable to do without the casual-experimental, that is with the extraordinarily persuasive power of “if I drop it from above, it falls”, the extraordinarily persuasive power of which lies in its simplicity, in its so-called obviousness, this is what we are obsessed with, antecedents and consequences …

He drifts to sleep, the simultaneous interpreter, and when he awakes “as if jolted by electric shock,” the same man on the television is still speaking to him,

but without the sound of his voice, only the waterfall sound could be heard […] and he kept talking and talking without a voice, only the sound of the waterfall, which was exactly the same, oh my god, he clenched his fist in his lap, it was exactly the same as the sound of the waterfall that he had never been able to identify among those three, a nightmare, he thought, and pinched himself, but he was awake […] and then just kept staring, staring at that waterfall on the TV set, he saw no subtitles whatsoever that could have helped to identify which one it was, the Angel, the Victoria, or possibly the Schaffhausen, all they showed was the waterfall itself, the sound was a steady roar, and inside his head, obviously still powerfully dazed by the long time he had spent listening in his sleep or half-awake to the man with the glasses, a flurry of words began to whirl again, that the Whole exists in its wholeness, the Parts in their own particularity, and the Whole and the Parts cannot be lumped together, they don’t follow from one another, since after all the waterfall for example is not composed of its individual drops, for single drops would never constitute a waterfall, but drops nonetheless do exist, and how heartrendingly beautiful they can be when they sparkle in the sunlight, indeed how long do they exist, a flash, and they are gone, but they still have time in this almost timeless flash to sparkle, and in addition there is also the Whole, and how lovely that is, how fantastically beautiful, that this Whole, the waterfall as a Oneness can appear …

Back on the plane, happy, exuberant “like a kid who has at last received the gift he dreamed of” and though “it was impossible to speak about what he had learned in Shanghai,” he looked out the window and

it no longer mattered which waterfall it was, it no longer mattered if he didn’t see any of them, for it was all the same, it had been enough to hear that sound, and he streaked away at a speed of 900 km per hour, at an altitude of approximately ten thousand meters in a north by northwesterly direction, high above the clouds — in the blindingly blue sky toward the hope that he would die some day.

The author describes the fullness met at death, and the beauty therein, as a kind of apparition on the page, and yet, he is still very much alive in a kind of willful jettisoning that is post-punk Krasznahorkai.

I might now transition this review by again leaning on taxonomy. Perhaps, I might call this author’s prose a form of literary calisthenics. I often hear the phrase “a real writer’s writer,” undoubtedly a noxious construct from the world of MFAs, and most often, most all of the time, it is a male author referring to another male author. Women, it must be noted in this Weinsteinian mark in time, are characterized in this collection almost entirely as sexual objects, if they are mentioned at all. The absence of women, particularly in a collection where the author had numerous choices to include the other half of the world’s perspective, leaves a deafening sadness. Is it that a real “writer’s writer,” or white male, is too intellectually sophisticated to incorporate the “victim” thought processes, the mere “musings” of the female intellect in a true work of literary art? I do not presume Krasznahorkai’s intentions of omission as purposeful, per se, only that as a reader who respects his work, I do wonder: why leave women out?

Also be sure to read “Bankers,” which delves into the nuances of friendship over time, the continual breakdowns and re-buildings as we evolve and age. What remains, what is lost. Read “That Gagarin,” (think “Joe Gould’s Secret”) with one of the most epic crescendos to a short story I’ve read in a long while. We are in India, Italy, Berlin, Hungary, yet, in essence, we are nowhere and everywhere.

And after we and Krasznahorkai have left this planet, the title of this collection will remain true: the world goes on.

Nicky Loomis, a Fulbright scholar to Hungary, holds an MFA from UC Riverside’s low residency program. She is at work on her first novel, set during the 1956 Hungarian Uprising.

The post Lyrical Oblivion: László Krasznahorkai’s “The World Goes On” appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

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