#and then get trapped in an insane situationship for a year
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Also to everyone saying what's the doctor doing at the club I need you to understand that the FIRST doctor literally met his companion at the club
#doctor who#also it's heavily implied the two companions he ends up accidentally kidnapping were just planning on having a one night stand#and then get trapped in an insane situationship for a year#like classic who never played around#dw spoilers#dw#ncuti gatwa#classic who
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PRESENTING . . . HOUSE OF BALLOONS!
â Ę . à»ê± SITUATIONSHIP GETO SUGURU X F!READER
â Ę . à»ê± CW : extreme toxicity; possessiveness; stalking; relationship sabotage; obsession; suguru is CRAZY, bro is an actual mastermind; reader cheats on her bf w/ suguru; consensual recording; manipulation; reader is a bit dumb; pet names used are baby, dollface, minx, lovely, angel; smut; dry humping, throat fucking, throat bulging, fingering, ruined orgasms, breeding kink, baby trapping, a mix of degradation and praise, breath play, slight bondage, edging & overstimulation, dumbification, sado-madochism, pain play, branding (suguru puts a cigarette out on reader three times as a way of claiming), cervix fucking, sir kink, HINTS of somnophilia (brief description of suguru fucking reader while sheâs asleep); dick drunk reader; suguru has a dick piercing; pregnancy.
â Ę . à»ê± wc : 8.3k
â Ę . à»ê± guys this is actually so nasty and feral, im so so so sorry. this is based off that jjk men loyalty post and suguru was placed in the middle because he would situationship the FUCK out of you. and worse? iâd probably fall for it and do it too. so then i wrote an entire fucking fic. and iâm so so sorry because this is actually pure filth. i donât know what happened to me guys⊠suguru is just actually so nghh
A SITUATIONSHIP WITH SUGURU GETO is essentally the same as signing a contract giving away the rest of your life. because once you entered it, you were no longer able to get out. it started sweet, of course. suguru was good to you, despite not being your boyfriend. maybe that was what caused the sources of your problems.
you wanted to date suguru and the both of you knew it. despite the fact that you acted like a couple â kissing, going out together, having sex, even saying that dreaded l-word â you two didnât have an official relationship. and it genuinely drove you insane. especially when suguru got a little too close with girls, knowing your attachment to him.
you told yourself that you couldnât really be mad because you werenât dating. so, you started doing the same thing, expanding your options.
and suguru didnât like that very much.
you two often had explosive arguments that either went one of two ways; one of you blocking the other and severing communication or the desperate confessions of love to keep each other around.
and when he gets blocked, it doesnât take suguru long to contact you somehow or someway. whether it be following you on a different account, or going as far as showing up to your home, he gets to you again.
itâs an endless cycle that constantly leaves you overwhelmed and emotionally drained. the intense love you have for suguru is undeniable. itâs undeniable in the way you let him back, the way you willingly go back.
every time you hit that unblock button, your friends look at you with concern and express their disappointment, warning you that he isn't good for you.
and deep down, you know they're right. of course, you're aware of the potential harm and negative consequences. but can't they understand the depth of your emotions? youâre in love with him. over time, your friends gradually stop shaking their heads in disapproval. instead, they simply roll their eyes when his name is brought up in conversation. itâs as if they've given up on trying to convince you otherwise.
however, suguru soon reaches his final chance, when you find out heâs been fucking one of your friends. this time, thereâs no argument. youâre swift, blocking every one of his socials you know, deleting & blocking his number. that was it. you were free.
a year passes by, and youâre sure youâve moved on. you got a new boyfriend, whoâs sweet, and so dedicated to you. suguru hasnât tried to contact you, even though heâd never be able to. you move from your college dorm, to live with your devoted boyfriend, you get a new job at a local cafe. youâve never been happier, and everything is going so good for you.
almost too good.
suguru is a dedicated man, which you had seemed to forget. the entire time you thought he had left you alone, that he too had moved on; well, you were wrong.
moving didnât hide you from him, even if you thought it did. he eventually found out from one of your friends, and you. you may have blocked some of his instagram accounts, but not all.
you often posted the scenery of your new area. and your boyfriend. it wasnât hard to pinpoint you from there. you also posted about working at a cafe. so he searched up the cafes in the area â it couldnât be too far, because he knew you werenât a fan of driving long distances.
it gave him three options.
three different cafes. so hereâs how he found you; it really wasnât hard. he put on a mask over his nose and mouth, tucked his long dark hair into his hoodie. he went to the first cafe, and he asked a simple question. âis y/n on the clock today? sheâs the only one who makes my order correctly.â
from the first two, he got a, ây/n? we donât have an employee by that name.â
but the third one, god it mustâve been luck. because when he asked, he got the most blissful answer.
ây/n? oh, she works from 8am - 2pm on saturdays and sundays, but she works from 2pm to 8pm on mondays, tuesdays and thursdays.â
that was so much more than he bargained for, but god was he ecstatic. she told him your schedule? that coworker mustâve had it out for you, or something. but who was he to question her and her helpfulness?
what he had to do was obvious from there. he began to frequent your job on the days you worked, however only when you had just left.
he kept it this way, until that faithful day.
it was his usual routine. he had came to the cafe on sunday, at 2:30pm. you shouldâve been long gone by now, so he thought. but there you were, working the register, with a sweet smile on your face and a bedazzled name tag on your breast.
youâre even more beautiful in person, he realizes. those eye bags you used to have faded away, and your smile is bright. youâre as perfect as he left you. only problem? you allowed yourself to be stained by another man. but it was okay, suguru assumed â heâd clean you up.
he doesnât hesitate to get in the line to buy something, even though itâs so rare when he does. he comes to the counter with eyes and shaky breaths, acting like heâs just as surprised to see you.
your eyes are as wide as saucers when you finally set on him. you didnât see him immediately come through the door, so you didnât see him for a while⊠until there were only two people in front of him in the line.
you were internally panicking and screaming, your heart beating so fast you thought it may crack one of your ribs . how did he find you? what does he want? and beyond that, how handsome he looked â however, you shoved these thoughts down. you had a boyfriend now, and you were never engaging with suguru again. simple as that.
âwhatâre you doing here?â he breathes out as he reaches the counter. youâre beyond shocked, eyes widening as you blink at him. âno, what are you doing here? i work here. you donât even drink coffee.â and itâs true; in all your time together, suguru never touched a cup of coffee. he swallows, hard, and you wonder just exactly heâs thinking as he stares at you from underneath his thick lashes.
âi have⊠lately,â his voice is gentle, sad almost, âi come here daily for coffee. speaking of⊠can i get a large of straight black dark roast? with a dash of cream and sugar.â you nod and hastily go to make it. when you come back, he shifts, rocking side to side. âi want to apologize to you. for everything. can⊠can we talk when you get off?â
and you shouldâve known better. you really should have. but youâre stupid enough to say yes.
he waits several hours for you; you tell him youâre working a double, and youâll be closing the store. he doesnât mind, it seems, especially when he helps you mop and clean, helping stack up chairs. it reminds you of how gentle suguru was with you. when itâs time to go, he questions, âyou walk home?â when you nod, he scowls, obviously still slightly protective over you. it warms your heart, but you force it to freeze back over.
however, it remelts when he pushes you to the inside of the sidewalk, standing on the side closest to the street. âmy boyfriend and i live around the block, so i just walk here and back. i never really get any trouble.â suguru hums; youâre setting that boundary early on.
iâve moved on from you, youâre telling him subliminally, iâm with someone new. itâs funny that you think suguru cares.
the two of you are silent as you walk, and you find yourself questioning whether or not heâs going to apologize; or is he just using this opportunity to get close to you again? you get your answer when a few minutes later, he stops and turns to you.
ây/n,â his voice is husky and itâs cold enough that his exhalation of your name leaves a white mist, âiâm sorry, for everything. i was wrong to put you through those things. youâre such a sweet girl; you didnât deserve it.â and a part of him means it, truly. he wouldâve done things differently if he knew you were going to leave. âcan we be friends? please?â
you feel the cold tears prick your eyes, and you nod, once, then twice. you sniff and whimper out a sweet, âyeah, suguru. we can be friends again.â
thatâs your biggest mistake.
because now that youâve allowed suguru in your life again, youâve just given him the green light to do what he does best. spiral things into his control. he starts out with small things, starting with planting a seed of insecurity.
you had let him meet your boyfriend, at your boyfriendâs insistence, to prevent insecurity. his boyfriend knew all about suguru, so to say that he was a bit hostile was a bit of an understatement. suguru was the epitome of calm, all kind smiles towards your boyfriend. it was almost⊠embarrassing for you. your boyfriend was almost childish; when you cooked for the three, and your boyfriend set the table, he refused to get a plate for suguru. suguru took it in stride, however, only laughing it off. this was damn near perfect for suguru; he was going to lie, but your boyfriend was so fucking stupid, he basically laid out the soil for suguruâs seeds.
whatâs worse was the fact that suguru is both taller and more muscular than your boyfriend; and whenever suguru stood and looked down at him, your boyfriend would jeer. later, your beloved expressed his slight inferiority. you did your best to reassure him, but anytime you mentioned suguru, he seemed to bristle. âit isnât like that,â youâd plead to him, with hands out, âweâre just becoming friends again, i swear!â
of course, youâd eventually go to tell suguru that you had to distance, in order to preserve your relationship.
he was understanding, yes, but not without a, âwhy doesnât he trust you enough to let us be friends?â and maybe that stuck with you a bit. a week later, suguru drops off two plates of your favorite food. he says he was making it, and thought youâd enjoy the meal. he even brought a plate for your boyfriend. youâre ecstatic â as the meal isnât one you often find in stores, and when you do, it isnât cook to the fullest. however, while the two of you were ⊠engaging, suguru learned to make it perfectly.
youâre all smiles and cheers, while your boyfriend is livid. suguru doesnât overstay his welcome and departs with a smile and a nice goodbye for you both.
the argument ensues from there.
âi thought you cut him off?â your boyfriend asks you, his voice snappy and filled with anger. you raise your eyebrows, still holding the two plates in your hands as you move to the kitchen. you reply,âyou didnât ask me to. you told me to distance, and i did. me and suguru havenât talked much at all since then.â
âthen why is he dropping off food for you?â your boyfriend shoots back, almost immediately. you place the food on the counter and turn to him, feeling your irritation simply growing and growing. âfor us, you mean,â you correct sassily, furrowing your eyebrows, âit would be different if the food was only for me. but thereâs some for you too. he was being thoughtful.â
âwhy canât you so obviously see that heâs a manipulative asshole?â your boyfriend yells as he throws his hands up, pacing around the couch. âhow dim are you? he did it while you two were fucking around, and heâs doing it now! i donât want you to be friends with him anymore.â
youâre bubbling over. so heâs calling you stupid now? you feel your irritation shift into anger instead. âyou donât get to tell me who i can and canât be friends with because of your own fucking insecurities. you donât get to do that shit, you donât get to make something out of nothing. and most of all, you donât get to throw my past experiences that i trusted you with into my fucking face.â youâre grabbing your food, and your coat simultaneously.
âwait, where are you going?â your boyfriend asks, his voice suddenly dropping from a yell to a concerned croon. your shoving your arm into a coat sleeve as you huff, âsomewhere to cool off. youâve pissed me off and now i donât even want to be in this fucking house.â
your boyfriend wants to protest, but he doesnât. he purses his lips, and he nods, before mumbling out a, âbe safe. keep your location on, please?â
begrudgingly, you nod, before leaving.
of course, you end up at getoâs. youâre venting your frustrations as you eat the meal he prepared. it hadnât even been an hour since he dropped off the food, and here you were. itâs how he knew that his plans were working, and god was he ecstatic. of course, he couldnât seduce you right here and now, no. itâs much too early. he has to keep throwing the rock at the window, over and over. until it finally breaks.
this throw is only a crack in your window.
those arguments begin to happen more frequently, suguruâs large crack gives way to more and more little cracks, until youâre at your wits end. youâre not gonna break up with your boyfriend yet, but youâre starting to get aggravated. suguru figures itâs time for him to implement his plan.
youâre laying on his couch after an explosive argument between you and your boyfriend about geto seemingly âflirtingâ with you: suguru had bought tickets for the ballet for all three of you; your boyfriend refused to go, falling right into suguruâs trap. you were aggravated with him â he denied every opportunity to actually make sure no flirting would happen and denied. then got mad at you for enjoying yourself. but you wouldnât allow that, tonight. you went to see the ballet with suguru, and honestly the two of you had a wonderful time.
but then, your dress had ripped so suguru held it together until the two of you got into the car. you had walked into the house, suguru shuffling behind you and your boyfriend went ballistic, claiming that suguru ripped it himself.
now, suguru didnât even plan this one â but your boyfriend was just so good at being a little helper. while suguru watched the argument awkwardly, trying his best to âdeescalateâ the argument, while intentionally making it worse. you ended up leaving with suguru, ripped dress and all.
now here you are, sitting on his couch, with tears streaming down your beautiful made-up face. suguruâs cooing to you through your distress, giving your back gentle rubs. âheâs such a dick, y/n,â suguru murmurs as you blubber out your frustrations, âi canât believe he got so worked up⊠itâs starting to piss me off, too. i even bought a ticket for him to come with us.â
you let out a cry of agreement, going, âwhich was so nice of you! he complains about us being alone but never come when heâs invited! itâs so⊠soâŠ!â
âhypocritical,â he finishes for you, pulling you to lean on his shoulder. you comply, even when his hand slides to rub at your hips. âi wasnât the greatest, but⊠god, even i didnât do you like that. didnât he call you stupid or something a week ago? i actually donât think iâve ever done that.â he laughs it off like a joke, but watches your reaction carefully.
the words have you thinking back. no, suguru hadnât ever called you stupid. when he started getting jealous, he never put you in situations to be jealous over. he was never childish like your boyfriend⊠your brows furrow and you pout, hesitantly nodding. suguru smiles; itâs working. he takes this a sign to keep talking.
âand i noticed that like⊠he barely posts you. like you have a highlight for him on insta, and he doesnât have one for you,â he begins, continuing to caress your skin, before pulling a pack of his favorite cigarettes out of his pocket. âand i donât mean to infringe on your relationship, y/n.. itâs just weird to me. considering that i had a highlight for you even when we werenât dating.â
you pause, lightly leaning into suguruâs touch. heâs not wrong⊠in fact, heâs very right. your boyfriend always told you that he didnât post you a lot because he didnât want people in your relationship business. you had accepted it at the time, but now suguruâs words had you questioning.
âam i overstepping?â suguru asks gently, his hand still rubbing your hip, pulling you into him as he exhales cigarette smoke. his dark violet eyes focus on you, and you examine his features, like you used to do before.
his long hair is pulled into his trademark half-up half-down style. slim eyes looking down at you with an all too familiar glaze. his angular, perfect features that had to been crafted by god. heâs⊠heâs so much prettier⊠you curse yourself for even thinking it, but heâs so much prettier than your boyfriend. he licks his lips as he watches you watch him. his head tilts slightly.
âmaybe your boyfriend wasnât wrong, though,â he says, voice husky â it sends unwanted shivers down your spine. âmaybe i havenât been exactly appropriate to you. maybe i do want you back.â
you swallow hard, slight shock flooding you. you expected it but didnât at the same time. even though all those times you vented and brought up how your boyfriend was convinced suguru wanted you, suguru never confirmed or denied. only soothed you.
you donât know what to say, or how you feel but you know itâs wrong. ân-no, suguru,â you force yourself to say, âitâs wrong. a-and you already had a chance. so many chances.â your scooting away, but suguru is pulling you back to him.
his lips press against your ear as he whispers, âcâmon, baby⊠please? i learned my lesson. i canât bare to see another man treat you like this, when i know⊠we both know⊠i have my problems, but i can treat you so much better.â youâre trying to pull away, but your body and your heart is too familiar with suguru. you ache, despite knowing that itâs wrong. itâs cheating.
âsuguru, i-i canât cheat..!â you whimper pathetically, and suddenly, heâs pushing you down onto the couch, sliding on top of you. you moan, as you feel him press against you, cursing yourself.
âthere it is,â suguru hisses, lifting his cigarette to his wet lips again, âmoaning just based off that? he hasnât been fucking my girl right, now has he?â
ânot your girl..!â you gasp as he presses hot, open mouth kisses onto your neck. you protest out of guilt, but god, you donât stop him.
because just like he said, you both know. your boyfriend couldnât, in no way, compared to suguru geto.
ânot my girl?â suguru whispers as he kisses up your jawline, âyou sure? because youâre gasping and whining out like you are. youâve always been mine, y/n. you know you have. let me take care of you, baby. come back home.â
thereâs an ache in your pussy, and youâre sure that itâs your sexual organ talking when you whine, âokay, suguru, j-just please⊠please fuck me.â the need you feel overwhelms the guilt as suguru presses his clothed dick against you.
you can feel him, pressing against you through your panties, and the squeal you let out makes suguru laugh. heâs sliding you up with one hand and into his lap. he hikes your dress up to your hips and you think heâs going to take you right then and there; but no. instead he presses you down against his crotch, forcing you to get off on the feeling of his covered dick simply pressing against you.
âs-suguru! câmon, give me more, please!â you mewl as you grip his broad shoulders desperately. you watch as he lifts his cigarette to his lips. ânuh uh,â he says as he exhales, âyouâre going to pay for leaving me for some bitch who canât even fuck you right. ride me jusâ like this, y/n. and donât stop until i say so.â
and unfortunately, youâre obedient and desperate for any shred of stimulation you can get. you began grinding your hips down against suguru through his slacks, his hardened dick rubbing against your pussy through your panties. youâre so wet that you begin to gush through the thin cotton of your panties, dripping onto suguruâs slacks in a puddle.
you donât say anything however, yearning for the intense pleasure that suguru always gave you. that year away from suguru mustâve made you forget; nobody will ever fuck you as good as he does.
he watches as you clutch onto him, pathetically grinding and shaking your hips down onto your lap, whining as your panties rub against your clit just right. in a few minutes or so, youâre even ready to cum. suguru has your habits memorized when you were close, and that hasnât changed.
you still tremble, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth. your eyes cross a little and your back arches. suguru grins. oh, youâre so close, arenât you?
âstop.â
he chuckles darkly, and when you donât listen the first time, he pulls you off of him. you let out a mix of a sob and a moan, your face twisting into something pitiful. âsuguru!â you wail, fat tears spilling over. âi was so fucking close! why would you do that?â
suguru gracefully puts you on the floor between his legs, laughing at your plight. âoh, i never said youâd cum, dollface. i just told you to do it. but itâs okay, my dumb girl. âm gonna reward you a different way.â he begins unbuttoning the slacks as you perch between his legs. heâs rolling the black pants down his thighs, along with his boxers and there it is.
his dick bounces free. itâs long, and has a nasty curve upwards. heâs thick too â scarily so. his tip is fat and a perfect round shape. itâs a dark tan, a few shades darker than his skin. and itâs decorated with a silver reverse prince albert piercing. precum slides out, a silky white color. you feel drool collect in your mouth as his dick hovers above you.
âyou know what to do,â suguru tells you with an expectant look, his cigarette perched perfectly between his lips, âopen your mouth and let me use you. uh huh, just like that lovely, stick out that tongueâŠâ you do as he tells you, hands on his knees as you lean up; tongue out, eyes locked with suguruâs.
he slaps his dick on your tongue a few times, before he slides his length into your mouth. immediately, your lips enclose around him. his hand laces into your hair, using it as leverage to pull your head down his length. you gag fiercely around him, hands moving from his knees to his thighs, digging into his skin.
suguru smokes his cigarette with hazy eyes as he pushes your head down his dick, and back up. the noise your throat makes when his tip hits your uvula is wet and messy, and god does he love it.
your slobbing down his length, your spit trickling down his balls; your eyes are filled with tears, a few even spilling over. however, your plump lips stay wrapped around him. you suck your cheeks in and gaze up at him, submission coating your every movement. your tongue slides against the glands on his dick, making him let out a soft groan.
âtake this dick down your throat just like that, whore, fuck,â he rasps to you, his movements becoming a little more aggressive, âdid you suck on him like this? lookinâ up at me all pretty. bet you didnât suck his dick like you needed it; didnât show him how much of a fucking whore you are, hm?â he puts his cigarette in the ashtray on the coffee table, and then he slides his hand into his pocket and pulls out his phone. âi think we should. is that okay?â as best as you can, you nod, still swallowing up his dick.
suguru is on his phone for a few seconds, before laughing out, âha! he texted me. he wants me to bring you fuckinâ home. too bad; youâre already home, right, baby?â of course, you donât answer. your mouth is too stuffed full of his dick. suguru gets rougher then. his original languid pace is discarded, and he begins to push and pull himself out of your mouth. his tip rams against your uvula, before sliding into your throat. youâre choking for air, sputtering. heâs fucking your throat so cruelly, thereâs a bulge in your throat every time he sheaths himself in your mouth.
you try to pull in air through your nose, but itâs too hard to focus when suguru is pressing your face into his pelvis, his heady scent filling you and making you dizzy. or was that just the lack of oxygen? you realize that heâs recording your pathetic display. youâre a fucking mess, pussy drooling as he ruins you.
âshiiit, angel,â he curses, head thrown back, and his locks messy around his shoulders. his bottom lip between his teeth, âgonna cum. gonna cum in your mouth, and youâre gonna swallow every fuckinâ drop, understand?â
you swirl your tongue around him, letting him know youâre ready. his thrusts become reckless, before he spills his load inside of your mouth. his cum tastes nice, as always â it has a slightly bitter tang to it, but you take it in stride. as he slides his softened dick out of your mouth, you open your mouth, letting your tongue loll out; showing him his cum coating your mouth.
his phone captures it all.
âis this your girlfriend?â he taunts the camera, grabbing your cheeks and bringing your mouth closer to the phone as cum dribbles down your chin. âlook at her. thatâs my cum. this is my girl.â you swallow his cum then, and suguru lets out a coo of, âgood slut.â before heâs ending the video and sending it.
as soon as he releases your face, youâre sucking in big breaths of air, coughing and sputtering and wiping your eyes from the tears. he rubs your head while you do so, letting out soft coos of reasurance.
he sits back for a second, sliding his dick back into his slacks, before telling you, âgo to my room and get undressed. iâll be there in a minute.â he watches you nod and scamper up, going up the stairs to his room, your hips swaying.
suguru picks up his put out cigarette as he watches your boyfriend trip out about the video, both of your phones dinging with notifications. he lets out a laugh.
suguru always gets what he wants eventually, especially you.
heâs getting up to follow behind you then, pulling off his tie in the process. suguru can feel his own desperation and need for you setting in. it had been a year and a few months; in that time, he didnât engage much in sex and romantic relationships. none of them were you.
and even now, when he gets to his room and youâre sat on his bed, eyes soft and legs slightly spread as you wait for him, he knows.
none of them will ever be you.
suguru stares at you, almost unnervingly as he walks into the room, leaning against the wall. it makes you self-conscious, curling into yourself as you press your hands against your body to shield yourself.
âdonât.â suguru says, and he walks to you, grabbing your arms. âi need to see all of you.â before you could even respond, heâs wrapping his tie around your wrists.
âsuguru?â you question gently as the black fabric wraps around your hands, keeping you bound. suguru shushes you, before picking you up and moving you to the top of the bed. âshh, lovely. i gotta fuck those thoughts of your âboyfriendâ out of you. so youâre gonna be a good whore and youâre gonna take it. understood?â
âyes sir,â you whisper as he lays you down, before his hands are spreading your thighs, to reveal your pretty pussy; soaked with your self-lubrication. you move your bound hands to cover yourself, but suguru knocks them away. âput your hands away, whatâre you covering yourself for? i know your body like the back of my hand.â
and heâs right, so you try your best to relax. your tensity is immediately forgotten when he puts a finger on your clit, rubbing slow circles against it. you shiver and let out a dulcet moan, a lovely sing of, âsuguruâ mnngh, fuck..â he takes so much pride in the way he makes you feel, the way he makes you cry out and arch your back just due to his finger rubbing against your clit.
âshh, dollface,â suguru says as he sits between your legs, spreading them more. his large hand wraps around your calf to put your leg up. his finger trails from your clit to your sopping hole, before sliding two fingers inside.
the stretch from just two of suguruâs fingers had you letting out mellifluous moans, squirming in his hold. he held you still while he pushed his fingers inside of you until they were knuckle deep, thumb pressing against your clit.
suguru was slow and methodical with the way he fingered you; sliding his fingers out slowly just to thrust them back in a fast pace, fingertips curling against your warm, gummy walls. your slick was dripping down onto his palm as he rocked his finger into you.
you were his mess, letting out whines as his long, thick fingers scissored inside of you, pressing against your g-spot. âhe couldnât get you like this, now could he?â suguru asked as he pressed his fingers against your g-spot again, making you squeal. you didnât answer at first, but when he added a third finger inside of you, hissing out, âfucking answer me.â you were quick to babble out, âno, sugu! no, no, no, he could never get me like this⊠only you, only you!â
suguru chuckles in satisfaction as he watches you struggle to hold on to the sheets with your bound wrists. âfuckinâ slut,â he muses, âcheating on your boyfriend like some fucking whore who canât keep her legs closed.â he tuts, and shame floods through you; however, itâs eradicated by the way he curls his fingers against your g-spot, his quick but precise thrusting hitting it every time. your juices are all over his hand, sloppy noises echoing through the room. the way suguru looks at you has your heart beating in your fucking ovaries.
youâre close, euphoria is spreading through your body and your stomach is tightening. your pussy is contracting around suguruâs fingers as you whimper, âiâm sorryâŠ! sorry for beinâ a slut, sir.â
âi forgive you,â he laughs a little bit, as your eyes roll back. âyouâre my slut, of course. youâll always belong to me; always be mine, no matter where you go.â right as your pussy begins to spasm around him, and your body begins to twitch, eyes rolling back again â he slides his fingers out of you.
the sob you let out is tremendous, bordering on a scream. suguru only watches as you sob, fat tears rolling down your already ruined face as you sob out different variations of âwhy?â and âi wanted to cum!â through your tears as you glare up at him. suguru only watches your pathetic, desperate display as he begins to fully undress. his eyebrow raised as he watches you, slightly smirking. youâre so cute, so desperate for him. he loves when you get like this.
by the time heâs fully naked, youâre facedown into the blankets, still whimpering, your sobs slowing. suguru wants to laugh, but he doesnât want to hurt your feelings. he crawls on the bed towards you, grabbing you and turning you over onto your back. you look up at him with teary eyes as he hovers above you. your bound hands reaches up, and you mange to press the back of your hand to his cheek. oh, how you missed this sight.
your hands sneak to his hair, and you pull out his ponytail. his hair falls around his shoulders, and he smiles at you; a genuine smile, and you can tell by the way his eyes crinkle. he leans down, sliding his lips against yours as his hand wraps around your throat loosely. suguru tastes like sweet cigarettes, like a mix of nicotine and love and sex. you donât know how else to describe it.
âmissed you,â he whispers against your lips, kissing you feverishly. you try your best to keep up with his insistent lips, as his tongue curls against the roof of your mouth.
âm-missed you more,â you rasped back against his lips.
you guys are pulling away occasionally to gaze at each other sweetly at his other hand trails down your body, caressing you wherever he can. heâs devouring your lips, hand slightly tightening on your neck. âlove you, y/n,â he whispers, before continuing on like it was never said.
your heart pumps, and before you realize it, your lips are moving to say, âlove you more, suguru,â you feel him grin into the kiss, and it becomes more desperate. itâs messy, the way he kisses you â the way he laps at your mouth and begs for more of you, all of you.
you canât help but give.
his tip rubs against your hole, his piercing cold against your heat. on instinct, you let out a slight hiss at the feeling. he shushes you gently, as he pushes his hips forward slowly. the stretch of him has your head falling back, and your eyes rolling. your mouth falls open in an o, but youâre unable to make a noise, as if heâs snatched it out of you.
pain mixes with pure pleasure as he feeds your greedy cunt inch after inch of him. your body is trembling as you feel his piercing scratch your g-spot, making you gasp out, before said piercing is nudging your cervix. his curved dick has you going insane, hitting spots you forgot you had. above you, suguru is as much of a mess as you are.
heâs panting, irises so dilated that itâs just black with a ring of dark violet. one hand is gripping your hips, the other squeezing your throat as he spears you on his dick, soft moans escaping his lips. âfuck, angel,â he groaned as he threw his head back, âmissed this pussy sâmuch. youâre taking me so well, lookâŠâ you manage to look down, watching as suguru pulls out of you before snapping his hips into yours.
the single, experimental thrust has you seeing stars. your tied hands are pushed above your head by suguru and he holds your hands, keeping them there. he pulls your legs to rest on his shoulders, and you blank. because now, the angle is different, and heâs pulling out andâ
the rough thrust he blesses you with has you whimpering out his name, and thatâs just the beginning. it doesnât stop from there, no. he releases your hands, going to grip your throat again as he begins to stuff you full, slamming into you over and over.
that hand on your throat tightens just how you like it, until your noises are gasped and raspy, and thereâs black spots swimming in your vision. this, paired with the way suguru pushes his hips into yours, bullying your pussy, has you teetering on the edge.
suguru knows this. he knows your body far too well, much more than youâd like. he knows that when he trails a hand down to your breasts, to pull and twist at your nipples like he does right now, it only shoves you closer to the edge. âdonât cum,â he whispers to you, âi didnât even really get started, doll. donât tell me youâre gonna cum just from a few strokes like this?â he smirks down at you, as his thrusts pause. the hand around your throat sliding up to rub his thumb on your bottom lip. the slight relief has you sucking in deep breaths, trying to regain your voice.
suguru decides to help you. he resumes his fierce thrusts, ripping a croaked cry of, âsuguruâ!â out of you. he picks up speed, jackhammering into you, and your nails dig into the palm of your hand as youâre forced to grip your own hands. heâs fucking you like this, and youâre supposed to not cum? his thrusts snatch the barely regained air out of your lungs, forcing more tears into your eyes.
your clit throbs painfully, your stomach tight as you try to hold on to the orgasm that is so close, too close to washing over you. âcanât control yourself?â suguru taunts from above you with a slight laugh, âfuck, baby, youâre a mess. got your fucking juices drippinâ down my balls,â he let out another chuckle, âpussy just clenched around me too. you like when i make fun of you, donât you? masochistic cumwhore.â he grips your face, watching your tits bounce fiercely with every thrust.
âit huuuurts, sugu,â you whimper in an agonizingly sweet voice, âplease let me cum, please, please, i canât take it..! please, sir, it hurtsâŠ!â
âyou love it when it hurts, though,â he tuts at you, his hair hanging in his face, and above you as he keeps up his thrusts. you let out a desperate, pained whine and he softens. just a little. but he doesnât let you cum yet. instead, he leans down, lips pressed to your ear, âsay you wonât leave me, ever again. say you wonât go anywhere.â
you know itâs a trap, but you fall into it anyways. âi wonât! i wonât leave you again, i promise, p-please just let me cum. i wonât go anywhere, i wonât ever have anyone else! j-just pleaseâŠâ
âcum.â suguru says one word, and immediately, you do. your eyes roll back, your body seizes, and your pussy clenches so impossibly tight around him that he canât even pull out.
âshitâ!â he hisses, hands gripping your hips. your clenching sends him over the edge too, his cum pumping into you. he didnât mean to cum inside of you, no. but now itâs given him an idea. âfuckinâ minx, pussy clamped so hard on me, it had me cum in you,â he rasped as he pressed his lips to your sweaty skin.
you want to care, you really do. you want to panic and make a scene, but god, you donât fucking care. the feeling of having his cum inside of you feels too good. you didnât even let your boyfriend cum inside of you. should you be ashamed of yourself? you donât know. actually, scratch that. once again, you donât fucking care. all you can murmur is, âjust⊠donât do it again.â
you donât care because your mind is foggy, the best kind of foggy. the orgasmic haze youâre in has you blissed out as youâre splayed across suguruâs bed.
suguru is marking you, biting, licking, sucking at your neck, collarbone and chest until theyâre littered with reddish-purple hickeys, along with the hand print from him choking. if heâs going to bring you home to your boyfriend, heâs going to bring you back with a message. he grabs his cigarette and his lighter. he lights it, and takes a puff, before looking down at you. âthis is gonna hurt,â he tells you, and you connect the dots immediately. you shake your head at him, but he shushes you. âbe a good slut, and let me do this. donât move, or itâs gonna hurt more.â
you go completely still, biting your lip as tears appear on your lash line. he softens when he sees you like this, scared. his hand presses against your face, trying to soothe you. even as he presses his cigarette against your collarbone. in order to distract you, he begins to thrust again. the pain and pleasure fight for dominance over your body, and you focus on the pleasure; even though the smell of your burning flesh fills the room. he puts out his cigarette two more times on your skin, before pressing kisses to the scars.
âi have to make sure that you, and everyone else, know that you belong to someone.â he whispers to you, still pressing kisses to the spot. you barely understand him though, because you feel like youâre fading. drowning in a sea of pleasure that heâs created.
his eyes lock on your bound hands, and the red mark around your wrists. he unties your hands, and you let out a garbled noise of relief. you watch as he presses kisses to your wrists, while still pumping his thick dick through your walls. youâre on the edge again, and suguru flicks at your clit, making you cum another time, your body twitching and your hands grabbing at his skin.
suguruâs close, too, and he knows what he has to do now.
suguruâs ideas are dangerous, but he finds it in him that he doesnât care. he canât trust your word that youâll never leave. he canât rely on just marking you. heâll have to make sure that youâre unable to go anywhere, heâll have to make sure that you need him.
heâll have to knock you up.
itâs as simple as that. the simple idea of you swelled with his child has him reeling. suguru knows itâll work. you donât use birth control, because you donât like the way it makes you gain weight, and you often forget to take the pill. and, he saw condoms and plan bâs at your house. itâs almost comical. suguruâs sure that youâd take his baby; but not your boyfriendâs.
the idea excites him even more and he grips your thighs, using his weight to push you into a mating press.
everythingâs a blurry mess from there.
heâs slamming his hips into you with a regained fever, over and over and over. your heightened sensitivity is unable to take it, and youâre a squealing, whining mess with every move that he makes. your grasping at anything in your reach, mainly him and the bedsheets.
suguru folds you in half as he feels his own orgasm coming. âyouâre gonna take every drop i give you, understand? donât waste my cum, slut.â you want to tell him to wait, to cum on your stomach. but you donât. you can barely think at all. instead, you lose control of your body as you cum right with him, as he shoots his load of thick cum straight to your womb.
you think heâs done, but no; instead he flips you over onto your hands and knees. he grips your throat from behind with both hands as he slams into you one more time. pumping and filling you, breeding you like some animal. you can barely moan anymore, animalistic whimpers and grunts escaping you instead as he slams his hips against the plush of your ass. suguru lets go of your neck to grip your hair, pushing your face into his pillows as you drool mindlessly, brain fucked away.
âhellooooâŠâ he asks, teasing you purposely, âanyone in there?â when you donât answer, he barks out a laugh. âlook at you. gone stupid on my dick. i expected you to last longer. but no; youâre nothinâ but a dick hungry cumslut.â your body twitches and you make out some noise, resembling a ânoooâŠâ, but suguru canât tell.
âlike it when i use you like this, hm? like it when i treat you like my fuckinâ cocksleeve, donât you, y/n?â this time you manage to answer with a sweet âyes!â and suguru smiles. youâre cumming again, sinking into the blankets with rasped moans. your throat is probably shredded from all the screaming youâve been doing, but itâs okay.
itâs not long before suguruâs shooting his third load into you â or is it his fourth? you donât remember, and neither does he.
you think itâs over, and maybe it is for approximately five to ten minutes. he gives both of you a break, and he presses kisses into your spine.
however, when he maneuvers you into a different position, you almost pass out. suguru isnât done with you yet. the night continues like that, until the rosy fingers of dusk trickle into the room. he fucks you all fucking night, with a few breaks. he fucks you to sleep, and when you wake up, heâs still fucking you. a mix of your fluids soaks his bed, as he fucks load after load after load into you.
because suguruâs on a mission.
so when morning comes and heâs finally done using and abusing your body, he knows heâs succeeded. he scoops his cum off your thighs and stuffs it back into you, and right after he slides your panties back on, making sure it stays there.
soon after, when you wake again, he carries you to the bathroom, and he washes you up, still making sure that not too much of his cum slides out. heâs gentle with you, carrying you on his back around the house, driving you to get dunkinâ donuts for breakfast. the two of you completely ignore your phones, and the messages your boyfriend â well, ex-boyfriend left you two.
in fact, suguru does him one better. he arrives at the house with his arm around your waist and you nestled into his side. your ex-boyfriend is more than livid, more than furious, but he pales in comparison to suguru.
he screams at you, only once; because suguru is there to utter out a, âyou yell at my girlfriend like that again, and i will fucking kill you.â and both you and your boyfriend are shocked. but suguru only nods to you, smiling gently as you hurry to collect everything you need. feminine products, clothes, jewelry. important things. anything you miss, suguru says youâll get later. your boyfriend doesnât utter a word after that single scream.
of course he texts you, ranging from angry to filled with despair. from âcheating fucking bitchâ to âiâm sorry, iâll do better, just please come homeâ. heâs soon blocked.
and when you miss your period the next month, youâre telling suguru. when the pregnancy test comes up positive and youâre looking up at him with a mix of shock, fear and excitement, he scoops you up into a kiss, murmuring about how heâs so happy.
because now youâre his forever.
#â Ę . à»ê±â jazi writes#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#fem reader#jjk x fem!reader#geto suguru#jjk geto#geto x reader#getou suguru x reader#getou suguru x you#suguru geto smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#jjk x poc!reader#poc reader#jjk x readet#jjk x reader smut#geto x female reader#geto x fem reader smut#đ§
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sorry to post about OUAT outside of the safety of the patreon corral but I just. truly cannot stop thinking about the bugfuck insanity of the writers deciding to drop in the seventh episode of their show ever that Regina has kept the same man as a sex slave in two separate realities.
like the nature of Storybrooke is that, having altered memories and lives constructed by Regina, I think almost everyone is off the hook for any sex under the effects of the OG curseâie, Snow White might regret hooking up with Victor Frankenstein but the two of them were as on an equal footing as possible in the situation and both consented based on their understanding of reality at the timeâwith the obvious exception of Regina! who is extremely aware that everyone else in town is the most under the influence that maybe anyone has ever been in the history of the world!
which would be yucky enough if it was like, a bad situationship that developed organically in Storybrooke, but no man she was just recreating her setup in the Enchanted Forest where she kept Graham as a sex slave for god knows how many years. hello! hello!!! is anyone listening I'm going insane.
season one kind of revels in getting to roll out little reveals of Regina's litany of crimes via flashbacks to keep emphasizing, over and over, that she is insane and petty and willing to stoop to pretty much anything. in the first episode you know she's responsible for the curse that drives the entire plot, standard big bad stuff, but by the tenth episode you know she also kidnapped multiple children and sent them to their deaths in the candy house from Hansel and Gretel. which is obviously bad, no shit, but it's like. she's Snow White's wicked stepmother, she's the villain in a loosely goosey live action adaptation of classic Disney movies. endangering children for cruel and petty reasons is part of the territory.
but she also like. you know. she explicitly has a scared, trapped man dragged away to her bed chamber after she forcibly kisses him and magically rips his heart out of his chest specifically so that he can never defy her again. and then in case there was even a little bit of doubt left about what's going on there she continues to make his real world counterpart have sex with her, and even under a spell that's completely erased his memories of his old identity and life, he admits that his relationship with Regina doesn't make him feel anything. no one ever comes right out and says Regina is using her power as the mayor to pressure him into it, but that would frankly be mild by her standards.
I can't even quite articulate why I'm so hung up on this except that it's like, so jarring to have Regina do so many over the top cartoon crimes with her magical murder and mayhem and then also slip in oh, btw, she's also a rapist! she raped that man!" especially when you factor in that, based on my memory of the show and general understanding of what mind of show this is, no one is ever going to acknowledge that. when Regina starts her good guy redemption arc and other characters try to hold her accountable for things it's always going to be "you killed Graham" and never "you killed Graham after raping him repeatedly for many years in two different realities." no one is ever going to talk about that.
except for me, because I'm stuck watching six and a half more seasons and I will not be able to forget.
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Room Temperature
for kloktober day 5: Abigail Appreciation Day
synopsis: meet Jane during an evening at home with her "gal pal" Abigail.
I wanted to flex my newfound female OC-building skills, so here's Jane, a gay club owner/real estate investor, whose situationship has taken a really weird turn.
âExhaustion, huh?â
Jane grabbed the remote and nestled back into her spot on the couch without spilling a drop of wine. She pulled her hair from her eyes, then gathered it all to the right to keep it out of Abigailâs mouth before she let her head rest. She took a sip: the sangria sheâd made wasnât cold enough for her thirst. The clicks of the TV flickering between channels, then streaming services, shot through the rush of the city streets below.
âIâm not going to make you talk about it, I was just saying-â
âIâm ok talking about it, I just donât get what you want me to say.â
Abigail flexed her upper back and sat up, leaving Jane to awkwardly lay against the warm spot in the throw pillows. âIâm going to take a lap.ïżœïżœ Her footsteps across the shag carpet living room were silent. To get the subway-tiled greige bathroom door to close, she had to kick away a purple brush jammed full of auburn hair. When it clattered against the baseboard, Jane stood up to grab it, her leg hair prickling from a sudden chill.
She caught a look at herself in the floor-length mirror at the end of the hallway and shrunk. Tall as she was, moisturized, dressed in pajamas she loved (for their comfort AND the way her breasts poked the front forward, nipples prominent but casual and covered,) being there for Abigail was still tough.Â
It wasnât the way Janeâs wet hair made Abby gag, or the lethargy, or the nights Abigail came to work with her, watching queers the world over sweat and rejoice in strobe-lit dancefloors, just so she wouldnât have to be alone with insomnia. It wasnât not knowing, it wasnât coming to accept that what had happened to Abigail was perfectly senseless and unexplainable. The press talked about Magnusâ suicide as an equal tragedy and it left the both of them speechless. In their bed, when they could share it, Janeâs adoration and relief came second to laying with only their feet touching, pulling different blankets around their shoulders. Jane thought she understood all that. She drove to the appointments, she cooked, she was patient, she didnât press, she didnât ask Abigail for anything, and she knew Abigail wouldnât give it if it wasnât necessary or requested. Sheâd save her energy, sheâd heal in time, she kept moving. All Jane could do was wait and hope it kept her in the picture.
But she cheated. With a man. With an insanely rich and stupid man.Â
Theyâd been trapped in a situationship for years, showing up at each otherâs apartments, swapping spit after a couple fruity blended drinks, ânetworkingâ... Her Dethklok contract was her retirement fund. Sheâd lucked out. Jane kept buying properties, finding managers, firing people, selling properties for double what she paid for them, raising the property values in downtowns and abandoned sites of Dethklokâs concerts (rubble and ruins and broken glass.)Â
She hoped she was over that damage of a lesbian worrying that a man could do her job better for the bisexual community, but it came back like a poorly aged joke in a favorite movie. Nathan Explosion, half-witted, spoiled, incoherently mumbling and screaming, might be better than her after all.
But nothing was too good for Abigail.
She came out of the bathroom with brighter eyes and her bathrobe tied. âOk. You ready to watch ER?â
âYeah. Want some edamame?â What was popcorn to salty, hot beans?
âI think Iâm OK. Meet me at the sofa in five?â
âAlways.â
#metalocalypse#abigail remeltindtdrinc#mtl ocs#kloktober2023#metalocalypse fanfic#mtl fanfic#my writing
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In the press for MOTA (and even a little for D2), Austin often references how out of it and lost he was when he was in London. He even talks in one interview about how he doesnât remember filming some of the scenes in MOTA.
We all knew he had a tough time âcoming outâ of his Elvis portrayal, but these interviews I think shed a bit more light on just how scrambled up he really was.
This is the exact time frame when the situationship would have been established. And I bet to him and his camp it seemed like a pretty great idea at the time â low stress, harmless, straightforward. It seemed like it would protect him from questions about V (and it did) and allow him to spend time with someone on mutually agreed upon terms. ButâŠ
âWhen youâre lost, people take advantage.â (Actual dialogue from the Elvis movie.)
Now I am NOT suggesting that he isnât responsible for his own life and choices. Heâs an adult so itâs all ultimately up to him. But based on his facial expressions and body language in the past weeks (months really), itâs quite evident that he is NOT feeling the benefit of being tied to this situation. And I wonder if he had it to do all over again if he would make a different decision. Of course we will never know.
But I suspect he has utterly soured on this aspect of fame and will want nothing more to do with such an arrangement. Or at least not one like this. Apart from the initial shield from speculation about V or another relationship, heâs gotten absolutely nothing back from this. She appears to be too young and spoiled to be anything but a complete drain. In fact, except for Cannes I donât recall ever seeing her even look excited to be supporting him. Iâm not saying I know for sure but from the parts that are visible she just does NOT give off warmth. She gives off needy and self-involved. The most disappointing example of this was Lisa Marieâs funeral. I would bet money that it was not long after that (which was after the Golden Globes), that the whole mess started to feel off to him. Death has a way of cutting through the bullshit. But, of course, the fog of awards season wouldnât be the time to process that.
Itâs so very frustrating to see him stuck in this contract, but I am hoping that when he is finally cut loose, he can actually spend some time in the kind of seclusion/privacy he genuinely wants.
Iâve been thinking about this a lot. But Iâm also moving this week so Iâm insane and havenât even had time to watch episode 5. Thereâs more in my head but I just had to stop and take the time to share this much with you Linds.
đ
god MJ i love you and your messages like these, i enjoy them every single time because you provide so much beautiful nuance and depth to your comments. ugh it's so good. and like always i agree with everything you said. we be on the same wavelength like that lol.
that elvis quote you dropped too was PERFECT. like literally, Elvis himself got mixed up with people who were not good for him but he was trapped. and people come through and try to say austin isn't trapped. then what do you call a man who has had no spark in his eyes for the last year+, looking morose every time he is with her, forced to be her pap puppet while she knows he hates being papped, etc? the only time austin feels happy is when he is with his costars and his friends that he loves. but when with her it's like the soul gets sucked out of him and he's mentally somewhere else while his body just goes through the motions. robotic and predictable.
and yes him and kaia met around that time he had finished filming MOTA. this man was barely in hospital for a week before flying over to London and being thrust into a new environment, new characters, new people. these shippers are too young and inexperienced to know how a person who goes through that much stress and quick change can be in a fog for a long time. plus yes, he didn't have to answer anything Qs about vanessa since he was already dating kaia when they were first papped after a gym session.
also let's not forget that this man was put through award season, grueling and 10x more stress for his oscar campaign. all of the events he attended in 2022/2023 were for Elvis and his Oscar nomination. that's an entirely different kind of PR he would be thrust into that he never experienced before. and yes of course while he agreed to do it in the beginning when it was new and different, clearly their dynamic changed and it's never been the same.
but one day when he is able to walk away from it, we will see an entirely vibrant and new austin. i swear to god this man will be totally reborn. it gives the energy of nicole kidman pumping her fits in the air excitedly after divorcing tom cruise lol.
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call me home [playlist]
SPOTIFY
This is the companion playlist to call me home. I listen to this when I write for this fic :)
I wanted to highlight the relevant lyrics in each song, so I'm posting those under the cut, in case anyone's interested :) The songs aren't all necessarily about Ushijima and the reader's relationship, but could be about something they're dealing with alone or from their past đ
Oh, also, it's in no particular order, but Clairo's North is đ©đ©đ©
Edit: i added new songs, including (but not limited to) Mitski's "I Will" because the lyrics are just perfect (i know it's a lot of mitski but i cannot help myself)
Best Part (feat. H.E.R.) Daniel Caesar (besides the sweet lyrics, it's these lines that clinches this)
If you love me, won't you say something? If you love me, won't you? Love me, won't you?
I'm Awkward and Shy NVTHVN, tiffi
I take it back 'cause Iâm bad at talking You can try but I know Iâm awkward What to do with my hands when Iâm walking Iâm falling, Iâm falling And even though you break the ice I canât even look you in the eyes My, my confidence is lacking Iâm falling, Iâm falling
Fool For You Snoh Aalegra
And I'll be a fool for you I know myself, but I pretend I leave and I come back again I'm a fool for you I love you time and time again I know just how the story ends, oh
feelings are fatal mxmtoon (the entire song is apt basically lol)
I'm always sad and I'm always lonely But I canât tell you that I'm breaking slowly Closed doors, locked in, no keys Keeping my feelings hidden, there is no ease I need it to stop and I want to be able to open up But my feelings are fatal, my feelings are fatal
Dying in LA Panic! At The Disco
Nights at the chateau, trapped in your sunset bungalow You couldn't escape it, yeah Drink of paradise, they told you, put your blood on ice You're not gonna make it
But nobody knows you now, when you're dying in LA And nobody owes you now, when you're dying in LA When you're dying in LA, when you're dying in LA
Airplane Mode Limbo
Love has treated me so, so wrong This year all I've got to show are songs And I want to be super duper true to you But God, I don't know what to do
I know sometimes I make you feel insane Sorry, that's just how I play this stupid game I can't act like a child and disobey All that you want from me and that you say I'm sorry, baby, please, puppy I'm trying to be ultra mega happy And show you my smile, and send you my feelings
Someone That Loves You HONNE, Izzy Bizu
It's beautiful, the way you move But what's a boy to do When he can't seem to choose? You're beautiful, but I must explain My mind's not in a good place And so the comedown plays
Home Reese Lansangan
But nobody knows How we go When we're alone It's like we're home My bones are safe And my heart can rest Knowing it belongs to you My world is changed And it's cradled by The comfort that is you
I Like U Niki
I like you, I like you, I like you Sorry, I never meant to But who we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say One look at you and I won't have it any other way I want you, I want you, I want you I want you to want me too I know that I signed up for this casually But I fell for your tricks, now I'm the casualty
Easy On Me Adele
Go easy on mĐ”, baby I was still a child Didn't get the chance to Feel thĐ” world around me Had no time to choose what I chose to do So go easy on me
I had good intentions And the highest hopes But I know right now It probably doesn't even show
Here Comes the Boy - Theme 88century (The lyrics are very obvious but this just has a very sweet comfy cozy lovely vibe)
1 step forward, 3 steps back Olivia Rodrigo
You got me fucked up in the head, boy Never doubted myself so much Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy? I hate that I give you power over that kinda stuff
jealousy, jealousy Olivia Rodrigo
Com-comparison is killin' me slowly I think I think too much 'Bout kids who don't know me I'm so sick of myself I'd rather be, rather be Anyone, anyone else
Situationship Snoh Aalegra
I don't mean to Go on and confuse you I know I'm confusing now And I don't mean to Go on and seduce you I can't help but seduce you now
So tell me how to resist what we have when it feels right The moments that I'm with you, I forget about the issues
Loving you is everything It's obvious, we can't pretend
North Clairo
I just want to let you know Iâm seeing the sides that you don't show And I know that we've got some potential 'Cause that look you gave me was so gentle
Do you think that you could stay? I need more time, I need to get away from here Pour my love out Spill it all on the ground Is it all in my head? What are you saying? Usually I'd be fine, but my head is spinning I never let anybody in Somehow you got under my skin
Love Me More Mitski
How do other people live? I wonder how they keep it up When today is finally done There's another day to come Then another day to come Then another day to Come back to mine We'll pretend it ends tomorrow I need you to love me more Love me more, love me more Love enough to fill me up Fill me up, fill me full up I need you to love me more Love me more, love me more Love enough to drown it out Drown it out, drown me out
Pink in the Night Mitski
I could stare at your back all day I could stare at your back all day And I know I've kissed you before, but I didn't do it right Can I try again, try again, try again Try again, and again, and again And again, and again, and again?
Heat Lightning Mitski
Heat lightning running outside the window I've laid awake since one and now it's four o'clock Though I've held on, can't carry it much longer On the ceiling dancing are the things all come and gone And there's nothing I can do, not much I can change So I give it up to you, I hope that's okay There's nothing I can do, not much I can change I give it up to you, I surrender
Should've Been Me Mitski
When I saw the girl looked just like me, I thought Must be lonely loving someone Trying to find their way out of a maze Oh, I know I haven't given you what you need You wanted me, but couldn't reach me So you went into your memory Relived all the ways you still want me
I Will Mitski
I will take good care of you Everything you feel is good If you would only let you
I will see your body bare And still I will live here So stay with me Hold my hand There's no need To be brave
'Cause all I ever wanted is here All I ever wanted All I want is Always you It's always you
Delicate Taylor Swift
This ain't for the best My reputation's never been worse, so You must like me for me... We can't make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you Oh damn, never seen that color blue Just think of the fun things we could do ('Cause I like you)
Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate (Delicate)
Sunflower Michele Leigh
Baby, donât let me go I want you to know You can run right back Baby, just quit the show I know your soul This is not what you want
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Honestly, I feel broken.
After my latest experience, I just need to write. Itâs therapeutic. I have a lot of flaws and being a narcissist with questionable self esteem is a big part of it. This last  situationship kind of broke me, I reached the tipping point, and I need to find healthier outlets than drinking and being a tinder troll. I talk about myself a fucking lot and itâs annoying to those around me, so writing it all don for the entertainment of strangers around me seems like a happy medium, no?
Let me start with a little background. I used to be fat, real fat, I still am, but not as fat. At my highest weight I was around 270 pounds? Iâm not completely sure, it was a blur of depression and isolation. I honestly donât know who I was at the time. I pushed everyone away and eating every emotion i repressed. Iâm not sure what exactly caused everything but I definitely had a psychological break and ended up seeing a psychologist for months, in secret. I didnât tell anyone until I was done with therapy, and it helped me immensely. I truly got better. So many (mainly black) people are ashamed to seek therapy but I can truly say it helped me out at an incredibly difficult time in my life and I donât know who or where I would be without those precious sessions. It was hard, no doubt. I had to deal with a lot of shit and talk about a lot of shit that I had never told anyone. It didnât âfixâ me, but it brought a lot of demons to the surface, and set me on this (lifelong?) journey to battle them. I often (usually) fail, but itâs been an insane ride along the way.
Basically, I just have an addictive/obsessive personality. I fixate. I need something to be obsessed with at any given moment to function, itâs literally my life energy. When I donât have that, nothing else really makes sense to me. I went on to start eating healthier, going out more, exercising more. Becoming more social than I had ever been, this led to becoming a party girl, which I donât really think is a bad thing honestly.
 I was tired of feeling like that fat sack of shit that no one wanted to be around. This approach also extended to boys, I was in my second year of university (was 18/19 at the time, graduated HS early), and still a virgin. Let me say there is NOTHING wrong with being a virgin and waiting!! The reason I was, was because I purposely pushed men away thinking. âiâm saving them the trouble of having to reject meâ. I felt so crappy about myself that I was 100% that I would be rejected in any and all romantic instances. So i would stonewall everyone thinking âthey are just being nice, iâm going to push them away so that they donât have to deal with knowing someone disgusting as me thinks I have any chance with themâ. It was really sick.Â
So even with partying, I kept my distance from boys. The few times I tried ended up blowing up in my face. The thing I feared the most. My friends are beautiful, exceptional human beings. And they are all skinnier than me. Whenever going out, people would gravitate towards them, and I was always the only one not pulling anyone. Like how ridiculous is it to measure self worth by whether some crusty ass boy tries to grab your ass at the club or not. Well, I always did that anyway. I would act like I was having a great time and then go home and cry because no one tried to make out with me at the club. It was absolute madness, that descended into chaos.Â
So, I had worked on my social skills and was good at acting emotionally detached when it killed me inside, but my weight was (and still is) always at the forefront of my mind. I had always been fat, ever since I was a baby, but iâm cute and nice so I got by, but when I gained the extra weight, it was too much. It was harder to get by, by getting by and in late 2014 I really just snapped and developed a full blown eating disorder and was addicted to laxatives. In my mind, every problem would suddenly be fixed if i just lost some goddamn weight. I would put myself on weird ass diets like only eating 400grams of chocolate per day. The caloric intake didnât matter, what mattered was the weight. I could eat 400 grams of chocolate, drink 4L of water, and pop 7 laxatives (when the recommended dose was 2 at max). Wake up at 3am, shit everything out and wake up 500 grams lighter. It was wild as shit but it worked which encouraged me to keep going. Because the one thing I wanted was to lose weight, and I was doing just that. I was torturing my body and my soul to be frank.
By summer 2015, it got even worse, and I was starving myself for long periods of time. Like complete starvation. I would drink only water for days at a time and if i ate even a morsel of food i would cry and pop more laxatives and punish myself. My mom noticed what was going on. She was so upset, she knew I was destroying myself and all I did was lie to her and break her heart and make her worry. At the height of it, I drank only water for 10 days and  blacked out at work. In my mind, it was almost like a spirit quest. It wasnât just about the weight anymore. I wanted to prove everyone, including myself wrong. By depriving myself of food, I was denying myself a basic human need and proving that I was above..humanity?Â
By showing myself I could survive on willpower alone I was assuring myself that anything I wanted was possible. All the barriers and self defense mechanisms I put up so I didnât have to face rejection...they didnât matter, Itâs so hard to explain it now but anyone who has fasted knows. It gives you a euphoria that is comparable to crack. But when all was said and done, after all the blackouts, the breakdowns, the meltdowns, the outbursts...I one day looked in the mirror and realized. I literally lost 90 fucking pounds in less than a year. Iâm in no way encouraging eating disorders before people try and put words in my mouth, because I honestly am not recovered. I still starve myself, itâs a safe haven for me. But I just control myself better now. I donât cry after eating a piece of bread, I eat like a normal person and iâm not a freak about it anymore. Iâm trying to cultivate a healthy relationship with food but I still have laxatives on hand because I always fuck up. I always relapse, but itâs getting better.Â
It was just sort of like realizing, I made it...I accomplished what I wanted. I lost weight, drastically. I returned to school for the fall semester and peopleâs eyes bugged out. They couldnât believe it, I couldnât believe it. I think thatâs what keeps me trapped in this cycle. At my lowest weight I was around 180 pounds and iâm 5âČ8. So iâm not skinny obviously, but I was a hell of a lot better. Peopleâs reactions are so addicting. I bought new clothes, started going out even MORE, and tbh...I became a hoe and developed a plethora of fucking issues. I had issues before, but new levels new devil. Itâs a strange place to be in. I wont lie, iâm pretty. Iâm really fucking pretty. I know im a narcissist. I admire myself in the mirror, seeing my face come out from all the fat, and knowing even more can be lost. My self esteem skyrocketed, but falls down into the gutter, pretty often because it was in the trash for 20 goddamn years and i relapse every season.Â
So after this hell of a ride, I really just started to enjoy life, and enjoy men. I finally tasted the forbidden fruit and lord, I wasnât gonna give it up, not after all I had been through. I was finally considered attractive, as dumb and it is. Iâm not the hottest girl out there, but I hold my own. I enjoy drinking, I enjoy partying, I enjoy making friends, and I am extremely social. I just have a lot of fucking issues and a lot of fucking stories, and iâm finally ready to talk about them, outside of a therapists office.Â
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#also it's heavily implied the two companions he ends up accidentally kidnapping were just planning on having a one night stand#and then get trapped in an insane situationship for a year#like classic who never played around
Also to everyone saying what's the doctor doing at the club I need you to understand that the FIRST doctor literally met his companion at the club
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