#and then gab begins to pull some sick moves

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [36]

chapter thirty-six, act five: the ballad of me and my brain

masterlist

little Author's note /TW before this act begins. There's going to be alot of talk of drug use and addiction within the chapters coming, if you're not comfortable with these kinds of things please don't read.

January 14th 2017

Tommie yawns, one big loud yawn as she shuffles through her house to the front door.

Gabby grins when it’s opened and tugs her little suitcase in behind her. “Hey, babes.”

“Gabs? What are you doing here?”

Gabby sighs, “I miss my best mate, is that a crime?” She asks kicking her shoes off and lining them up neatly besides Tommie who quickly shakes her head and opens her arms for a hug, “Haven’t seen you since Christmas, I missed you.”

Tommie smiles, breathing in slowly as she accepts the hug from her friend. “Okay, I have so much planned for us, tonight is movie night, tomorrow I’m driving us to Cardiff and we’re having a shopping day, monday we’re going to go to the cinema, I haven’t decided on tuesday yet, struggling between a pamper day and a trip to a beach, but that might be too cold now I’m thinking about it.”

“Okay, let’s start with movie day-”

“Okay, but I’m picking. I cannot watch Fantastic Mr Fox again.”

“But it’s my favourite.”

“It’s the only film you watch besides Revenge of the Sith.”

“They’re good films.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 

The flashes are bright, too bright and she’d forgotten her sunglasses to protect herself from them.

The bag on her shoulder weighs her down more than everyone else, her laptop, books, writing books, hoodie and a pair of shoes she couldn’t fit into her suitcase make their weight known against her muscles.

Ross’ body blocks some of the light, but when he’s moved over by Jamie and towards the side her shield is gone.

The screams of teenage girls are too loud as they push against the old creaking barrier to try and get closer to Matty, he’s upfront, sunglasses and leather jacket on looking like a guy out of a Corey Hart song.

He revels in the attention whereas Tommie hates it, shying away as much as she can, hiding into the darkness of her hoodie as her hands fumble with the strap of her bag.

Then someone is breaking over the barrier, she can’t tell who gets over first, the fan or the rogue photographer.

They both shove each other, the poor teenage girl is on the floor, Tommie’s standing there above her, photographer’s camera in her face.

Without thinking she’s shoving the camera away, it clatters and smashes on the floor, hitting the girl who’s being helped up by other fans.

“Tommie! Tommie!”

Hands are gripping her from both sides of the barriers, the walkway hasn't been made big enough. Strangers are touching her and she holds her breath not to be sick right there.

“Tommie! Matty!”

Someone gripped her and pulled her into them, arms wrapped around and guiding her into the van, straight into the back.

George sits beside her, holding her hand in his lap as the rest pile in, Matty coming in last after signing a few screaming fans shirts.

Matty raises his brows as he peers over the drummer, but George shakes his head, wraps one arm around her, tugs her into his side and blocks her from the singer’s view.

“Tom.”

“Leave her be, Matty.”

“You alright?”

He ignores George and moves his arm to brush his knuckles across the top of her head, reaching around the back of George awkwardly to do it.

“Matty-”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

George elbows him, giving him a look that he once again ignores. 

“I’m fine, Matt.”

Her tone is sharp, and he leans back, taking his arm away and resting his hands in his lap. “Okay, I was just asking.”

“You’re always just asking.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ross looks between them slowly, the tension has been building between them for weeks and no one knows why.

Adam gives one harsh look to Matty and he’s pausing, shrinking back in his seat and mumbles an apology. “I jus-” He cuts himself off before he can finish the word, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 

February 21st 2017

“Just be honest with me, Jamie. Be brutal. It’s bad.”

Jamie sighs, “It can easily be fixed.” He assures, “I’m sure Matty will do something bad next week.”

She sighs and leans forward, head in her hands, Adam moving to rub up and down her back, “God, this is bad.”

“It’s fine, it’ll blow over.”

“Yeah, but I-”

“So what? Have you seen the way the Gallaghers act? Or any other mildly popular artists? People have done worse.”

She looks at the newspaper on the table. An article about her blowing off the fans at the airport, talks of assault as she’d accidentally shoved someone in a hurry to the awaiting car.

The truth was the flight had been bad, she’d been seated beside Matty, the pair still haven’t talked since he showed up at her house, and with the show after show after show routine she’d already been on edge.

It’s all falling apart. Something she used to be so good at, touring endlessly with no rest, is no longer her strong suit.

And to top it off, she hasn’t seen Button in two months, the dog has been staying with her grandparents back in South Wales to give her a break from moving around.

Usually articles like these would mean nothing to Tommie, she’d brush it aside with a half-arsed shrug.

But it's the fact they’re dragging Caleb and his band down with her, knowing the 1975 are far too popular around the world to be touched by a little article they’ve targeted Dirty Delights.

She knows they probably won’t see this. It’s a European news outlet, there’s no chance, right?

Nope.

Caleb had called her the moment it came out.

That’s why she’s panicking.

She doesn’t want to ruin Caleb’s career before it’s even begun.

George sighs, finally sitting down, “It’ll be forgotten next week. They’ll start talking about Taylor Swift again or a shitty Kardashian boob job or something, don’t worry.”

She sighs, “What if this ruins Caleb’s career?”

“What career?” Comes a snort from across the room.

Ross smiles, but it's quickly dropped when he sees the glare that Tommie is sending to Matty across the room.

“I can’t be the reason his band fails before they’ve even had the chance to start.”

“They’ve had plenty of chances, they’re the ones who's fucking up. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.”

“Matty-” Adam tries but Tommie’s standing now.

“You’re forgetting you guys were in a band for ten years before you got the chance.”

“Yeah, but we had fans. People who’d turn up to our gigs-”

“Oh, you mean your groupies who’d give you money to suck you di-”

“Alright.” It’s Gabby who’s breaking them up, brows raised as she looks between them weirdly, she sighs as she moves to Matty pushing him back down, “Shut up.” She tells him as she moves to sit on the other side of Tommie, bringing her back down to rub her arms.

“Give it a few days, ignore it, don’t comment on it. You get things like this all the time.” 

She shrugs, picking at her jeans as she nods, “I know.”

“Never usually bothers you like this.”

“I know.”

Matty’s jaw wiggles as he watches his girlfriend comfort Tommie quietly, arms around her with Tommie resting her head on her shoulder.

The door opens then, Caleb steps in, eyes falling to his girlfriend who sits up quickly. He smiles walking over to greet her and she stands as he hugs her.

He mutters a ‘don't worry about it all, we’ll talk later’ and she nods quickly.

Then Jamie's standing too, “Come on, five minutes and you’re all on.”

On her way out he grabs her hand, “I’ll sort it.”

“Thank you.”

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“I’m sorry.”

Caleb shrugs as they enter their hotel room in London, he sheds his jacket hanging it on the chair and starts unlacing his shoes.

“It was all too much, everything, I-”

“Babe.”

He turns, holding his hands out for her and she slowly accepts it, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault, I know how you get.”

“How I get?”

He nods, wincing at his words of choice, “You know what I mean.”

“No, no, I don’t.”

“Well, you’re… different, Tommie.”

“Different?”

He sighs, bowing his head, “I’m not winning this no matter what I say so whatever it is you’re building up to just get it out with.”

“I just want to know what you mean.” She says, knowing full well she does in fact know what he means, and she also is in fact building up to say something. 

She sighs looking down, “I’ve always been called different, Caleb, but what does that mean?”

He sighs slowly, “You’re just… not like everyone else.” She raises a brow and he sighs, “It’s not a bad thing.”

She nods, then steps back shedding her blouse and jeans to put on her pyjamas.

“Tommie.” He says, watching her carefully, “You’re just a little more… I don’t know, sensitive I guess.”

“Sensitive?”

“Yeah. But also weirdly emotionless at the same time.” He says looking up at thought.

“I’m not different.” She says, as she glances up over his head at the mirror hanging on the wall to stare at herself. Picking apart everything, her straightened hair, the makeup still on her face, the gold necklace he got her for her birthday, the bags under her eyes, the little scar on her eyebrow from when she hit her head as a kid. It’s not her. It’s Caleb.

Straightened hair because he likes it like that, makeup left over despite how hard she’s scrubbed her face because she put so much on to hide the bags given to her by sleepless nights made no better by his comforting hands, a golden necklace replacing her favourite silver one because he caused an argument when she didn't wear it. The scar on her eyebrow he points out way too much, that he avoids touching when his fingers trace her features. 

“I’m just me.”

Caleb watches her as she climbs into bed and hangs his head, “Tommie…”

“Goodnight, Caleb. Big day tomorrow.”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart, @indierockgirrl, @sofaritsalrightt, @julezs-bl0g, @eaglestar31, @sophinthealpss, @noacfemcel, @if-my-heart-bleeds, @befrwime, @fallingforel, @sexorchocolateorpillowsorclouds, @3terna15unshin3, @1975sophie1975, @thesocraticjunkiewannabe, @littlesoldierelleora, @procrastinatinglikeapro

-let me know if you want to be added :)

[sapientiiae]

@guideoftime asked: 71. one muse discovers they are pregnant by accident ( no regrets ) 100 indulgent tropes

“The Princess has been sick all morning.”

She hears the whisper from outside the bathroom door as the two maids try (poorly) to keep their voices down. Their words, however, were incorrect. In truth, she’d been sick since the night prior, overtaken with waves of nausea that would occur every so often. She’d hoped it was a stomach bug that would subside in the morning, but mercy seemed to show her no favor. When the maids arrived to wake her so she could begin getting ready that morning, the vicious cycle began all over again, and Zelda had all but locked herself in the bathroom.

Whatever this was, she hadn’t felt this ill in years.

“She hasn’t come out of the bathroom since she first locked herself in there. She is complaining of a headache and asks that she be left alone to rest.”

Goddesses, if they were trying to talk about her without her hearing, they were doing a pathetic job. Her head was pounding, and hearing the two women gab about her wasn’t doing the royal any favors.

Closing her eyes, Zelda did everything in her power to muster up the energy to rise to her feet, the pounding in her head intensifying as she stood. Slowly did she make her way to the door, reaching for the handle just as there was a light rapping.

“Your Highness—“ 

That was Lucia, an older woman that had spent the most time in the castle of all the maids, having even been around to take care of Zelda’s mother when the queen was still alive. Without hesitation, she pulled the bathroom door open, revealing a heightened level of concern that marred the older woman’s face as she looked the Princess of Hyrule over. “You look exhausted. Let us get you to bed, and I will have one of the other girls run down to the kitchen to fetch your breakfast—“

“I am not hungry.” She hadn’t meant to be rude and interrupt, but the idea of eating right now was absolutely repulsive. Not even her usual favorites or a morning cup of tea sounded appealing. No, the only thing she wanted now was to crawl back into bed and sleep off this sickness (until her body would undoubtedly awaken her to expel whatever contents might still remain in her stomach). 

“But, Princess, you must eat! Food will be vital to providing your body enough strength to fight off whatever plague—“

“I am not hungry.” The words were curt, leaving no room for debate as Lucia slowly gave a nod of understanding, having learned in her years when to pick and choose her battles. “Well if nothing more you will need to stay hydrated. I will have Alis bring up a pitcher of water. In the meantime, back to bed with you.”

To that, Zelda would not object. Just as Lucia had learned when to bite her tongue and pick her battles, she had learned when to compromise. Slowly did the maiden crawl back into the large bed, wincing as she drew the duvet over her breasts (when had they become so tender?) while Lucia moved to the windows to draw the curtains shut and block out the bright light that agitated Zelda’s already pounding head.

“Farore above, this is some sickness! I have not seen someone this sick since your mother was pregnant with you…”

It was an offhanded comment, muttered mostly to herself (with a hint of frustration because the princess was being so stubborn), but the statement stuck with the maiden. Pregnant. It was a word that left her mouth dry, the nausea rising once again and clawing at her throat as she quickly pushed herself up to a sitting position, eyes wide while Lucia went about her business. 

When was her last menses? She pushed past the pounding in her head to seek the answer, desperately needing to know. Wait! Yes! It had been the start of last month after Sheik returned from being in Termina for a week on the court's behalf.

Except…

That hadn’t been last month. No, Sheik had returned, left for Termina again, and then been home, without leave, for well over a month now. Which meant it had been the month prior. She hadn’t had her cycle in....seven weeks? Eight? Goddesses, how had she not noticed?

Immediately does she pale, all color draining from her face before she flings the duvet off her body, bombarded with a new wave of nausea as she stumbles from the bed rushes for the bathroom once more.

“Princess?”

“I will be fine! But you should go! I do not want—“ Her left hand flies to her mouth, the right gripping at the silk of her nightgown as she forces the sickness back. “Want to get you sick. Fetch Sheik and…send him up to my bedchamber.” She provides no further explanation before slamming the bathroom door shut once more and collapsing to her knees in front of the garderobe, falling prey to a new bout of morning sickness. 

[nacregames]

ROs reaction to MC asking them to dance with them ballroom style (idk what you call it at the moment haha) in crushing stage?

no worries, anon i got u 😌

JV:

Mercy - hmmmmmmm so i think it really depends on their mood! They were actually thought all kinds of formal dances, so technically they could dance with MC...but the main problem would be the fact that they feel very weird around them and just thinking about how close they would be to them makes their head spin. Literally. It's a 50/50 chance whether they accept or not.

Arrow & Lei have probably asked them before they even had the chance to do themselves! And they're both quite good at it too.

Candy - big nope. Sorry hun, but it's not her style.

Clay - would probably stare very hard at MC/their extended hand, making them think that he's quietly telling them to fuck off. Which is not true - he didn't intend to be scary at all, that's only his thinking face, honest... Just when MC is apologizing/turning to leave, he'd let out a sigh and drag them (surprisingly gentle) onto the dance floor.

Chal - would raise an eyebrow in question and wonder for a second what's going on in MC's mind before she accepted. Her face doesn't give anything away, but this should be interesting...

Mel - the real question would be whether she's actually present, but let's leave this aside. She'd probably laugh out of surprise and nervousness. It would also depend on the difficulty of the dance; Mel is usually very easy-going, but even she has her times where she feels self-conscious. So, if it's some kind of slow-dance where she doesn't have to do much, she'd accept. Otherwise she'd just look very lost and it would be on MC to tell her it's okay, if she doesn't want to.

MS:

Mac - man, he's not made for dancing, at least not these kinds, he'd tell MC jokingly. But of course that's not stopping him from accepting! Is he surprised and a little nervous? yes, but he'll do it.

Polly - no, no, no, no, no way - aaaand MC has dragged her onto the dance floor, making her face flush red in embarrassment. But then they tell her to take a deep breath and solely focus on them and suddenly it's not so bad anymore; she's actually enjoying herself. So, if you wanna make her do something, usually a bold/assertive MC is required!

Raphael - hiss, snarl, bark don't touch him, don't come near him, what do you think you're doing, nasty remark, nasty remark (cries internally)

Ara - yeah, sure, she thought you'd never ask! She only wishes it was in a different timeline, coz she really wants to wear a pretty gown :(

Camus - Oh? MC wants to dance? He'd look very nonchalant about it at first glance, but depending on the MC's personality he'd either be trying hard to fluster them or surprise them and act like a perfect gentleman.

Lilith - yeah sure, she'd love to 😳 ...is this really happening?

Gabriel - her first reaction would be to try find out a good reason to accept, but then she'd actually be curious about it. Giving them a brisk nod, she eventually takes their hand.

[we-dragons]

I'm from a different dimension actually Chapter 6 Damian x reader

Professor X sat in his wheelchair glancing around the room he hums his eyes pouring over all that there was finally landing on Robin. He gives me a look gesturing over at him.

"He informed me about The Crows sir, apparently they have gone under the radar, they've killed three people and the system didn't go off. At first, I thought we still had time, I treated a wound he had it he had come in contact with one and fought it. You know like how Wolverine did, I treated the cut and it's gone, but I was sure they were still in the dream state. But he got injured saving those left how survived probably not far from here, but the fact we didn't even receive the ring can only mean...they've returned under complete control again."

Concern fills the face of professor X, he turns to Robin, who shifts uncomfortably by the entrance of my kitchen. "Who are you then?"

"Robin."

The professor nods not even turning from his spot, he looks over Robin as if completing an inspection.

"How much does this Robin Know Dreki, about you, and The Crows?"

"I told him about the Jal-sein, the old race before the collective mind sharing, and he knows about my box of scales." Professor sighs.

"How did you meet him."

"When he broke through my window last week, infected."

"You gave him some scales to purge poison."

"Yes sir."

"Very good," He moves back to his original spot in the middle of the room. "You have been permitted to stop them at all costs if you must. Your uncle will be here soon to help you kill whatever has brought them back, in the meantime try not to use the stones. We don't want to attract more trouble than what has already been done."

"You're allowing me to put my powers to use?"

"As long as you don't wear it out, vibranium is not easy to turn into clothing."

"What a minute!" Robin's voice carried out through the room. "Just what's going on?"

"Robin," Professor X starts. "your world is being invaded by the Crow so that you become one of the many planets they have drained of life. And to do it they need a vessel that can contain the leader of the Jal-sein, Hok'mor." Professor X looks at him, his use

"And?" Robin says his face remaining unreadable

"I was the vessel, I escaped, destroyed the flagship and the army they had." I shiver moving out from my room to the box still lying on the kitchen table. "They were after the life of my home, so then I became a weapon for my planet." I pull out a bag of coins from the box.

"And what do you intend to do now (Y/N), destroy them yourself." Robin stands in the entryway, professor X stands behind him.

"Yes," I turn to him a chakram and the bag of coins in hand. "so unless you know how to obliterate a bird in 15 seconds or less you need to forget this ever happened and never come back."

"So, why tell me any of this, why tell me about anything why expose yourself?"

"So you can tell your family and friends and hopefully, just maybe you can survive. Because knowing them keeps them out of your head, but too much knowing allows them to enter." I pick up Nightmare, he crawls up to my shoulder and I head out of the kitchen, Robin makes room for me but just barely. I open my closet and pull out the last thing I have, two letters one written in my mother's signature ink and the other in my own handwriting, I hold them out to the professor.

"You know there is nowhere left for me to run professor if I end out getting caught...I just want him to have this. In my letter, papers are containing the custody terms for my brother to Uncle. I just need you to grab them to complete the transfer." Professor X slowly takes the letters where they rematerialize on his side.

"Good-bye Dreki, I will see that these get to your Brother."

Professor fades out of the com, and it clicks turning off, I pick it off the floor and slip it into the pocket of my sweatpants. I pulled out the chakram ready to leave a mark on my hand, I only needed a little bit of blood to completely transform when Robin coughs gaining my attention. He leans against the wall to the left of me now glaring at my form, Nightmare growls at the boy from the corner of my eye I see his fangs getting slightly bigger.

"Are you making it a habit to ignore me while I'm here?"

"No, But I do need you to leave, you can't stay here anymore." I begin to push him out the door in the kitchen, he slaps my hands away confusion leaving his face replacing it's with anger. He open's his mouth and I put a magic orange circle on his head.

"You Robin son of batman, found this information interrogating one of the monsters. It spoke in a language that was foreign but somehow understood all of it. You have made no such connection to the girl Y/N M/N, you did not see a man from another dimension, you came back to thank her for her help you had some tea and you were just leaving." I flick my hand and the circle vanishes, his head lowers for a moment as the information in his head readjusts. He moves to the balcony edge turning to face me the scowl returned to his face.

"Thank you for the tea." he pulls out a grappling hook and leaves without another word. I sigh moving to the same device I used to contact the professor. Picking it up I hold it to my mouth.

"Find me the closest thing to a sorcerer supreme, name and whereabouts contact them when you get there."

I toss it back onto the floor and it roars to life to give me a purple image of the earth and orange magic circles to tracking and moving. I move to my couch and fall asleep waiting for this day to take me.

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I wake the next day with the globe still searching for my request I sigh and get ready for work. I thank god that it's just the coffee shop below me, I work on the weekends mostly unless they need an extra member of staff then it's just me and the older lady and her husband. They both owned the building and the shop they helped me get the apartment set up and showed me how to work the coffee machines. I don't really drink coffee though after seeing what a raving maniac my dad became without it, also it was just so bitter no matter how much sugar I put into it. I partially blame my heightened scenes that came with my abilities, so I got free white hot chocolates and any extra flavors I wanted as long as I did my job and chatted with them for a while.

I asked them personally to stay away while I was sick, so they wouldn't be affected. When I get down the stairs Martha, the elderly lady beams thankful that I'm feeling better.

"I so glad you are doing well dear, I know the acidity in our rain makes you sick so Glenn and I got you this umbrella." She hands me a purple umbrella that still has a tag on it, it reads for sun and rain.

"You didn't have to do this Martha, I told you I'm not good with gifts, you already let me stay here on the government's program and gave me a job here, you and Glenn have already done so much." She pushes the umbrella farther into my chest.

"No you do so much for us, you work without complaint, you've also taken care of us and our granddaughter when she came over. When you were sick we were so worried about you so you going to take it or I can give you more gifts."

"Thank you very much."I smile brightly. She pats my shoulder and gestures to the counter to start the machines.

Once all the machines are started, the desserts are placed and the base coffees are made I open shop. Customers come in and some lounge around in the chairs or couches drinking coffees and either studying or chatting with their friends. Molly usually comes on Sunday as one of our regulars, so I would see her then. A few of our regulars are happy to see I'm back at work one of the other tenants gave me a green bean casserole and a hug. It's 5 O'clock and I make a cappuccino as I finish I hear the door open and the bell ring on the counter.

The black-haired blue-eyed male I had gotten to know as detective Richard Grayson, came in every other day at 5, he normally talks often while I tried to take his order. So I memorized what he usually gets so he doesn't block the register so I can still make the register.

"Hey Y/N I'll take the usual."

"I thought so," I hand him his drink " one cappuccino."

He takes his coffee and moves to the bar we have set up if you wanted to watch the process and it's only then I see the other people behind him, one pissed-off looking male with a cigarette in his mouth, Tim Drake, and Damian Wayne. I look back to Richard he smiles at me leaning onto the bar.

"They came with me this time, It's family bonding time."

"You mean you dragged us out of the house to grab a coffee from this place cause you have a schedule."

"It's bonding Jason! Bonding!"

The two began arguing in the shop, I return my attention to the other two boys. Tim as at the counter puts a ten-dollar bill on the counter, while Damian does the same.

"Give me a regular coffee, black, large cup."

"Tea, no sugar, regular size."

Their voices crowed each other but since this happens frequently it was easy enough to at least get their orders down.

"Sure here's your change." I look back to the two arguing and I see Jason didn't put out his cigarette. He taps it and the ash of his drug falls to the floor.

Sighing I move out of the workspace gabbing a tong and a wastebasket, I take out the cigarette and throw it in the bin now gaining the full attention of Jason. I give him a stern look he seemed to freeze, bitting back any words he might have prepared to say before.

"Sir, I am not sure if I made we've previously made It but there is a strict no smoking policy. As you see we have many elderly, and young children in our establishment." I smile but I know my face is full of malice. "But please enjoy your stay at our cozy corner of our fine and fair city." I move back behind the counter start on some of my orders, I look at Jason again the smile still on my face.

"Would you like anything?" He gives me an odd look.

"White hot chocolate, Large," he nods his head over at Richard. "Put it on his tab."

"We don't have a tabs sir, he works for the police."

"So?"

"He gets Free coffee." He gawks at me as if I told him the sky was black, and I see Richard trying to contain his laughter.

"You give that guy free coffee?"

"It's a store policy." I pass out the coffee and the tea and I see from the corner of my eye he pulls out a flask. I grab the tongs again and clap them together, Jason looks at me then grumbles putting the flask back in his jacket, and instead pulls out a five and hands it to me. I take it from him gingerly and head straight to work on his order. I hand him both his spare change and his drink, and the complimentary cookie bag that came with it. He gives me another look.

"They come with a drink." I leave and continued my chores around the shop.

"You are doing much better (m/n)." I whip my head around and look at Damian who's behind me on the other side of the counter. His companions seemed to be in deep conversation amongst themselves.

"Yes, I'm doing just fine, it happens occasionally but nothing like a good cup of tea and a few nights rest couldn't fix." I go back to cleaning the counter.

"You were sick for much longer than that."

"Yeah...it happens." I change the topic to "Did you think of anything for the project?"

"Why not make a model, there is not really much to do with it anyway." I gasp dramatically.

"Not much to do with an astrolabe! You clearly didn't read the whole paper!" By now I have caught the attention of his group. Damian frowns.

"No, your paper was written very well, I just don't think we need to dwell too much on this project seeing as how we really are not presenting." I had heard that bit from Molly.

"I suppose your right." I put away the cleaning supplies and turn back to him. "I'll get started on a model right away!"

"You will do no such thing." His voice is stern. "I will come back later and work on it with you," He moves his chair back and heads out the door.

His companions follow quickly after him and they say their goodbyes.

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As promised, he came a few hours later right as my shift ended and another person came for the second half of the day. I moved the glowing tracker to my room so it wouldn't gather any extra attention.

"I have supplies, what is all of that?" my brows furrow staring at the bulging plastic bag in his hand while I turn the keys in my locks. opening the door.

"I wasn't sure if you were prepared." He moves to the door, my arm shoots in his way stopping him.

"I wouldn't go in quite yet."

"What?"

I put a finger to my lips and crouch slowly to the floor, I shake the key in my hand then slid them across the floor. A ball of black attacks the object just as it crosses the doorway. Nightmare attacks the keys rolling around and bitting.

"Ah yes, observe the feral kitten in his natural habitat." I walk inside the door beckoning Damian to follow. "I would beware he is an ankle bitter. You can set up in the living room I'll just drop this guy off in my room."

"Does he attack all the time?"

"He's been like that since I picked him up, I don't blame him he was born in a rough neighborhood." I set Nightmare on the bed next to the floating version of earth. "Watch it make sure it finishes." then head to the living room. Damian has all his stuff set out on the table. There was veneer, paper, paint, some nails, an Exacto knife, a hammer, and a bag of pipe cleaners.

"This looks like stuff to make a birdhouse," I try and pick up some of the wood that was on the table." you realize cardboard, scissors, and a sharpie would have been enough."

"And here I thought you like polished and neat projects."

"yeah, but even with cheap materials you can still create a masterpiece."

"You don't do anything nice for yourself self do you?"

"Dude the most expensive thing I own is a cat who attacks me." I sigh, I sketch out a design for the astrolabe. "Well, why don't you start on the Mater, I'll get to work on the plate for our side of America."

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

"3 hours of hard work and I got to say it's not bad." I hold the fished product, It's attached to a string of green yarn. "The calculations are down to point." I put it down, I clean up the mess that's on the floor of the living room.

"About the last time we saw each other, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you probably knew about me from the news already, the big myste#wayne#scifi#damian#bruce#bats#fanfiction#xreader#characterxreader#jason todd#tim drake#character x reader#mxf#fxm#batboys#batboys x reader#Damianxreader#X reader#DC#Marvel#MarvelxReader#DCxreader#batfam#mutants#Damian Wayne x reader ry of the missing journals. So many interviews." I dump the trash in the kitchen, saying that last part mostly to my self.

"You forgive too easily."

"I'm not as forgiving as you think, honestly you view me too highly it that's what you believe. Would you like something before you leave?"

"No, but I have something for you before I go." I open the door to my room and let Nightmare out.

"Oh?" He's already at the door and pulls a shiny gold card from his pocket, he hands it to me.

"Father thought it would be good to meet you."

"Because I'm the daughter of a famous dead professor, is he going to ask about the journals too?"

"No, this is to apologize for my previous behavior."

"Oh," I take the card looking at it uneasily. "I don't think I can go to this, I don't do well at parties."

"Not a very good excuse." He smirks.

"I'll think about it." I push him out the door and give him the Astrolabe, closing the door slowly. " I'll see you at school."

I look at the card again, It's like the parties mom went to I knew them well. While some were nice, others were nice only in their face. I laugh slightly to myself, Molly already called me earlier telling me I was her plus one to the same thing. This was already suspicious enough as it is. I look at Nightmare who cocks his head at me.

"You think I should go, don't you?" the furball nods

"Fine. I was going to be forced into this anyway."

[lambden]

Hello! Tis I, Socks. In the most predictable of ways, could I ask for some Cahir content please? 50 from the list (writer's choice). And I'm always happy to see him shipped with Eskel, Lambert and/or Aiden. Or, if you're feeling platonic then BroTP with Letho or Fringilla?

G, 2.3K words, Cahir/Eskel, no warnings Prompt: “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” Also on AO3!

Geralt’s invitation is anything but simple, and the shape of it eludes Cahir’s usually bright mind. He cannot begin to consider it properly or fathom what it might mean for his future— a future that has been carefully planned out, and destroyed, and painstakingly crafted again, and destroyed again. He has grown tired of tending the ruinous garden of his career and life (two synonyms). So he considers, although only obliquely, Geralt’s invitation.

He finds it easier to think of the invitation in tactical terms, as though the witcher has proposed a mutually beneficial arrangement. Cahir, the parasite, will take refuge in the high walls of the secret fortress untouched by politics. Geralt, the host, will keep the Nilfgaardian menace who plagued his daughter’s nightmares within arm’s reach. Cahir is under no illusion that his stay will be one of comfort or luxury, but he only hopes it might mean a new life.

Upon his arrival at Kaer Morhen, Cahir re-evaluates the strategy in an instant. The walls are not high but crumbling, clearly maintained over several centuries by the dwindling numbers of the School of the Wolf. The occupants are not fearsome prison guards who track his every move, but ruggedly handsome mutants who drink until they’re sick and trade stories of slain monsters. And Geralt, the traitor, is nowhere to be found.

Abandoning his imagined hierarchy adds extra difficulty to Cahir’s perfect plan, and the confusion leaves him floundering when he meets another witcher who should rightly be the leader of Kaer Morhen: Vesemir, the eldest of the Wolves with enough scars to tell several lifetimes worth of stories. But Vesemir ladles out soup for Cahir without measuring the portions, teasing him about needing some meat on his bones.

Then perhaps in Geralt’s absence, the unlikely authority here is one of the other Wolves. Cahir watches them as closely as he can without arousing suspicion, but all he can glean from their interactions is that in Kaer Morhen, camaraderie and affection flow as freely as ale. The witchers clap one another on the shoulder and pull each other into hugs and offer compliments with no obvious ulterior motives. Despite having no blood relation and spending most of their summers apart, they are a family so closely knit together that Cahir feels ill just watching them. What a massive mistake he made by coming here.

Cahir sways to his feet, thinking absent-mindedly of finding one of Geralt’s sorceress friends to portal him away— maybe to Vicovaro. This is another mistake, as multiple sets of witcher eyes snap to stare at him, each more handsome than the last. Cahir winces but before he can apologize for the inadvertent interruption, the rudest Wolf shakes his head and softly tut-tut-tuts. “Where are our manners? We’ve been gabbing away the whole night; you must be fucking exhausted. You haven’t even had a drop to drink!”

“Forgive us,” the most handsome of the witchers, Eskel, pleads. Cahir thinks he would forgive a man with a face and body like that for just about anything. But he doesn’t share the thought, already feeling uncomfortable with the extra attention. “We aren’t used to hosting humans here.”

“Except Ciri, I guess,” Lambert retorts. “… But she drinks like a fish, so that doesn’t apply.”

They hadn’t offered Cahir anything except the soup. He elects to keep this observation to himself. “Is there somewhere here I can rest?”

Eskel begins to say something but Vesemir interrupts. “Geralt told us you were coming.” He rises, standing remarkably well for someone who put away that much liquor. “We prepared a room. It isn’t much, but it’s got a bed and some candles. We’ll have to get you some warmer clothes tomorrow too!” 

Grimacing at the idea, Cahir nods anyway. He’s only made it through tonight by the virtue of the magical firepit that the witchers keep relighting. If he’s to survive the winter here, he’ll have to learn to dress like one of these men.

“I can show you to your room,” Eskel starts, but Cahir is already shaking his head before the witcher even finishes speaking. “Alright, uh… it’s down the two sets of stairs over there, hang a right, walk down that corridor, up that set of stairs, and then second door on the left. Got all that?”

Cahir nods, grateful for the literal and clear, albeit detailed, instructions. “Yes, thank you!” Eskel shoots him a big goofy grin like he’s proud or something, and the directions evaporate right out of Cahir’s brain along with every other coherent thought. But Eskel’s still beaming, so there’s nothing to be done— Cahir bows good-night to the other witchers, then heads in the direction of the indicated staircase.

Down two sets of stairs, to the right, down the hall, up one set of stairs, second door. Easy enough. He gets slightly distracted by the hall decorated with grandiose portraits of witchers long past, and then distracted once more when he spies an armoury through an open door before the final set of stairs. Cahir definitely wants Vesemir to give him a full tour of this place in the morning.

Cahir frowns and recoils as he quickly remembers himself. He’s only here thanks to Geralt, so he can hardly be considered a guest whose presence would warrant a tour of the facilities. He hurries up the stairs to his room, only stopping when he sees the rows of doors on either side. The Wolves could house a whole army of recruits in here; hell, once upon a time they probably had.

Down the stairs, turn right, down the hall, up the stairs… “Second door,” Cahir mutters. The second door on the right is shut but not locked, as he finds out when he gently pushes it open. From Vesemir’s meagre description Cahir had expected only a bed and candles. He hadn’t thought that the candles would be lit already, flickering silently as if to welcome him in. 

The other furniture also throws him off his rhythm. Had Geralt really asked his family to set up the room like this? In the corner is a hideous suit of handmade red and gold armour that Cahir prays he won’t be expected to wear. The mannequin stands proudly next to a desk with a small amount of writing supplies. The stationery and decor is nothing like what he had in Nilfgaard, but Cahir imagines his role here will be very different from there.

His focus is immediately pulled to the bedroom’s centre of attention. The mattress is thick enough that he won’t feel the stone frame, although the bed looks comfortable enough. Cahir had expected a dungeon but this place is dressed like a palace. When he finally steps out of the entryway and the door swings shut behind him, the bed pulls Cahir in. He could resist it no more than a hungry drowner could resist a loud swimmer.

As fast as possible, Cahir strips out of his chilled, sweaty clothes and folds them carefully, leaving the pile on the chair. He sends one last withering glare in the direction of the horrible Wolven armour before clambering up onto the bed in only his smalls.

The pillow is cool beneath his head and neck but the pelts are warm and heavy, and it isn’t long before the insulation starts to make Cahir feel drowsy. He curls up on his side and pulls his knees to his chest, sticking his hands between his thighs only to cling to the warm flesh there.

He has no desire to do anything more— not while he’s a guest here, anyway. It wouldn’t be polite, and the witchers have been so polite. In return, Cahir wants to be good for them. That’s his last conscious thought before sleep claims him.

-

-

Every night of carousing must eventually reach its end, and when Lambert finally starts yawning, Eskel takes it as a cue. He sets down his tankard, ignoring the baying of his fellow witchers and rising to stand. “See you out on the Killer in an hour?”

Lambert receives his joke with a rude gesture and a jumbled, colourful mixture of profanity. Eskel grins, glancing around the room to regain his bearings before he heads to bed.

Despite the winding, complicated floor plan of this place, Eskel never worries that he’ll lose his way. He hasn’t been turned around here since he was a trainee, and even then this place had been a home and thus he knew its vague layout. A rough and murderous home, sure, but a home nonetheless.

He stumbles down the hall, nodding nonsensically to a portrait of some dead old Wolf and then taking the stairs up to the living quarters two at a time. While Geralt and Lambert have migrated to different parts of the fortress, Eskel likes staying in his old room. The memories remind him of how far he’s come, how much he’s grown, and all that he has sacrificed to get where he is now. Without those reminders he might get a better night’s rest, but he would sorely miss the splinter.

Being a witcher and all, Eskel can tell that something is awry before he even touches the knob of his closed door. There is a strange scent clinging to the air, and a muted thumping noise. At first he touches his medallion, fearful of an intruder, but… whatever has entered his room is not monstrous in nature, or at least not magical. Eskel braces himself, feeling around for his sword before quietly cursing; he had foolishly used it to chop up a melon for their dessert. If this is how he dies, Vesemir will resurrect him just to give him the lecture of a lifetime.

The door swings open easily and no one stands awaiting Eskel, but someone is lying in wait. He stares, dumbfounded, at the sleeping figure with messy hair and bare shoulders. Sleeping in his bed, under his covers. And wearing, according to the pile of clothing on his chair, not much at all.

“Cahir,” Eskel murmurs, too drunk to try to remember Cahir Mawr Different aemon Ceallach Whatever-the-shit. The man doesn’t stir, completely still aside from his gently parted mouth, lips moving so shallow breaths can pass. It’s a very pretty mouth. Eskel stares for perhaps a moment longer than he should. “… Cahir!”

“Yes,” replies the former officer without really stirring. Then a current seems to pass through him, jolting him back into consciousness— Cahir sits up ramrod-straight, the pile of blankets falling into his lap and revealing his pink, bare chest. He stares dead ahead but doesn’t seem to really process his whereabouts, let alone the identity of the witcher who interrupted his sleep. Despite his state of undress, Cahir repeats with practiced severity, “Yes?”

Eskel snorts, amused. Cahir’s dreary gaze finally lands on him, and the man’s pulse quickens at a speed that gratifies Eskel greatly. He asks, “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

“Your…” Cahir drifts off, before blanching and struggling with the pelts. Eskel accidentally sees that he isn’t really naked, although his smallclothes leave little to the imagination. As Cahir thrashes about in panic he trips over his own words, stammering, “I was— I must have gone to the wrong room. This explains why it’s so nice! Shit! I truly did not mean to intrude upon you, and I will leave you posthence— ah, posthaste, I mean, shit—”

“That isn’t necessary,” Eskel waves away the increasingly frenzied complaining, and although Cahir clearly has more to say, he falls silent when Eskel approaches the other side of the bed and kicks off his boots. Still wearing his loose shirt and trousers that smell of apple cider and sharp liquor and sweat, Eskel tumbles down onto the mattress next to Cahir. The other man doesn’t move— he hardly breathes. If not for his racing heartbeat and wide eyes, Eskel would think him asleep again. “I don’t mind sharing.”

“Oh.” All the air deflates from Cahir but he offers no protest, even when Eskel gently removes one of the pelts tangled up around his knees so as to snuggle under it. There is a sizable amount of room between them but their breaths are still loud enough to make the large room feel cramped, and Eskel wonders if Cahir can sense his own emotions and desires the way he can hear the human’s heart. “Then in that case, I’ll take advantage of the warmth for the night, thank you.” If Cahir hears how that sounds, he doesn’t acknowledge it or even miss a beat. “I will return to my own room in the morning.”

“Sure, it’s across the hall.” Eskel adjusts the pillow under his head before turning to stare at Cahir. He finds the man already watching him, which definitely makes things easier. With as much purposeful innuendo as Eskel can shove into the words, he says, “But I don’t mind if you take advantage again tomorrow. This is the most I’ve heard you talk since you arrived!”

Cahir blinks, chest rising and falling minutely. Eskel’s gaze dips down once more to the blush of colour between his pectorals, but Cahir surprisingly doesn’t move to cover up his body. Funny— Eskel assumed he’d be a bit of a prude, based on everything about him. Cahir finally protests, without any real fight in him, “I only just arrived at Kaer Morhen.”

“Hope you stick around for a while,” he rumbles, the comfort of his own bed mingling with the alcohol still clouding his brain. “We’re not so bad, you know.” Before Cahir can reply, Eskel drifts off; not just into meditation, but true sleep. Even in his dreams, Cahir’s proximity and warmth soothe him through the night.

[miyaniacs]

Exchange - Miya Atsumu & Osamu  SMAU

Karma pt. 3

PT 1 / PT 2  ; next 

smau masterlist ; masterlist

warnings: NSFW, thigh riding

a/n: yes repost bc Tumblr is bitchy agaainnnnn 

You told Bokuto that you and Osamu need to finish something for a class tomorrow. He wasn’t really buying it but oh well. How could you tell Osamu that you won’t come? Exactly you can not.

And that’s the reason why you’re standing in front of his apartment complex for the past 10 minutes. You feel bad for him. He was right with everything he said, you did used him only for comfort as soon as Atsumu ditched you. He has always been there for you, responding to your calls at 3am, coming over afterwards because he knew how miserable you felt, yet you took it for  granted and jumped on his brother the second the chance came.

The door opens.

“You’ll get sick if you keep on standing here.” Osamu says and holds the door open for you to get inside. The ride on the elevator was quiet and awkward, non of you saying a word.

He closes the door to his apartment, his back is turned towards you as you finally menage to get out the world. “I’m so sorry Osamu. I don’t know what to say. I’m an miserable person and I truly don’t deserve you. I shouldn’t taken your action for granted and I shouldn’t play you like that. But..But I did.. and here I am not able to apologise properly, since I’m too ashamed of my actions…. Just tell me if there’s a way I can make it up to you.. I - I don’t want to loose you.” You whisper the last sentence.

After some horrible long seconds he chuckles. “You can’t loose what you never had angel.”

Tears run down your face, as the meaning of his words reach you.

“I’m not talking about myself. I talk about you. I had to realise that, even if I wished you were mine with all my heart.. you never were. At least not all of you. There was still a part of you that belongs to my brother.” He turns around and takes a few steps now hovering over you. His pulls down the collar of the T-shirt your wearing, fingers running over the marks his brother left on you. Shivers run down your spine simply by his touch and the way he looks at you.

“But tonight angel, let me show you that this part could also belong to me.” He looks directly into your (eye colour) eyes. “Only if you’re okay with it. If not I’ll drive you back home. It’s your choice.”

You part your lips to answer but you can’t form any words, so you just nod. “So you want me to drive you back..” He mumbles. “No.. No, Osamu I want to stay with you. Please.” You plead.

His eyes turn back to you, the colour around his iris darkens. He smirks. “Then let’s get rid of this.” His hands grab the hem of Atsumu’s shirts and he rips it apart, leaving you in your bra. He sighs, partly because of you are finally not wearing this shirt anymore, making it look as if you are his borther’s, yet also because of what he sees now. Your chest, neck and collarbone are covered in marks. You hear him growl right before he presses you against his kitchen counter, which was right next to you. He attacks your skin with his lips, sucking and biting on it, making even darker marks, which cover up the ones his brother left, making only is visible now.

His hands rest on your waits, body pressing against yours, he’s not as musical as his brother, yet you can’t deny the fact that he’s ripped and way stronger than you. As if he wants to showcase exactly the last point, he easily lifts you up on the counter. Your arms wrap around his neck as his lips find yours in a passionated kiss. Your lips move in sync, his hands on your lower back, pulling you closer to him, while your legs wrap around his hips. Your chest presses against his clothed one with every heavy breath you take.

All of sudden he lets go of you. He walks over to his couch, which was a few meters away and sits down. “You want to know how you can make it up?” He asks and you nod your head, already pressing your thighs together by the sudden change of his aura. “Then get rid of those-“ his hand gestures over your body, addressing the clothes your still wearing, “and make me feel good angel.”

______________________________

Your lips wrap around his cock, tongue flat against it as you mob your head up and down. His head falls back against the couch, eyes closed, a deep moan escapes his beautiful lips. One of his hands move to your head, softly grabbing your hair, pushing you deeper down on him. You gag and the vibrations of this make him curse out in pleasure. “Fuck Angel, i missed your beautiful mouth and the magic you do with it.” He moans, opening his eyes to admire the view in front of him. You’re on your knees, your lips swollen and red around his cock, some tears run down your left cheek as you try to take him deeper in.  A few more minutes and he would cum, but he sees one of your hands wander down between your legs and he switches up his plan. He pushes your head off of him, you look up at him confused and slightly sad since you wanted him to cum by your actions. He pulls his jeans back on and pats his leg. “Sit down, angel” he smirks as you sees your eyes widen. “Don’t think I wont care about your … well being.”

Carefully you sit down on his thigh, the fabric of his jeans rubbing against your wet core. His hands grab your hips and he presses you against his flexed muscle. Your hands grab his shoulders as you start riding him. Leaning forward he starts nibbling on your jaw.

After he forces out a third orgasm, he flips you over and pulls down his pants again, you already took of his shirt during your first orgasm. He positions himself at your entrance. He looks at you asking for your permission in case you changed your mind. “Osa, just please fuck me already” You moan out annoyed. He chuckles and pushes himself into you still wet hole, which was still sore from your last night. You scream out in pleasure and pain as he buries himself deep inside of you. Without giving you some time to adjust to his large size, he already starts fucking you rough and fast. Your screams, which in the beginning are partly caused of pain, are now full of pleasure.

Your nails dig in his shoulders and captures your lips in a sloppy kiss. He puts one of your legs over his shoulder, deepening his thrusts.

“Scream my name angel, I want you to know that I can make you feel even better. I want to own every part of you.” He growls in your ear.

He flips you over, your pressed flat agains the couch. He pushes himself into you again, your eyes roll bak from the feeling of being full again. Skilfully he rolls his hips against you, being rewarded with your moans as he hits your sport ever time. He feel your walls tightening, your close to your fourth orgasm of the night, him being close to his first  one. “Come for me angel, show me how good I make you feel. Tell me that I’m making you feel better than him.” He groans, soon after you feel the knot in your stomach realising itself and you scream out Osamu’s name and gab his hand, that’s rested next to your shoulder. Osamu buries his face in your neck as he lets out a long and deep moan and slams into you a few more time riding out both of your orgasms.

______________________________

“Angel?” Your eyes flutter open. “I let in a bath for you, come here I carry you over.” He gently moves his hands under your body, lifting you up bridal style.

The hot water relaxes your sore muscles and you sigh. “Come in with me?” You look up to him. He’s about to answer as the two of you hear some banning on the door. “I’ll be back in a few.” He smiles and walked out of the bathroom.

His smile drops as soon as you’re out of sight. He opens the door and finds his brother looking at him furiously.

“What.” Osamu simply asks. Atsumu’s eyes wander over the marks on his brothers chest.  “Do you know where she is?” He asks yes showing worry, “ I kept on texting here but she didn’t responded, Bokuto just told me that she wanted to take walk after practice and.. Please I’m just worried that something happened to her.”

“Here. I wont let you play with her heart as you do with all the others.” Osamu throws the ripped shirt into his brothers face and closes the door.

Atsumu looks at the shirt and his hands start shaking.  

Was he too late?

Was it too late for him to let his walls down?

Did he lose you?

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[charincharge]

hi!! i love your writing!! could you write a jurdan thing where jude walks in on cardan masturbating to her and finishes the job? (bonus points if it’s during the wicked king) ily

He takes a step toward me. “The other night—” I cut him off. “I did it for the same reason you did. To get it out of my system.” “And is it?” he asks. “Out of your system?” I look at him in the face and lie. “Yes.” If he touches me, if he even takes another step toward me, my deceit will be exposed. I don’t think I can keep the longing off my face. Instead, to my relief, he gives a thin-lipped nod and departs. - The Wicked King

Dinner is a tense affair. My heart still pounds from my bold-faced lie. I expect to be called out at any second, but it never comes. I should have known, Cardan likes to torture me in less obvious ways. I sit at the far end of the table and eat nothing, my stomach turning, as Nicasia laughs heartily at every comment Cardan makes. I can’t hear the conversation, but I know Cardan isn’t as amusing as Nicasia wants it to seem.

I strain to look straight at my plate and not let my eyes wander as Nicasia’s fingers trail daintily up his exposed forearm. Cardan catches my eye, and I’m once again sucked into the dark vortex of his eyes. Drink sloshes from Cardan’s cup as he raises it to his lips, spilling onto his chin, and I can’t look away as Nicasia moves her thumb to wipe away the droplets from his jaw. My teeth hurt from how hard I clench my jaw as I watch him lick the sticky sweet liquid from her red-stained fingers, his eyes never leaving mine.

It’s a battle of wills to see who will look away first, and it’s one I refuse to lose. Yet, when he looks to NIcasia and holds out his arm to her, to escort her through the gardens, I don’t feel like I’ve won.

I head back to my room, not feeling up to being around the Court of Shadows. Their card games and tricks only remind me of Cardan now. I sit at my desk, trying to read through briefs and treaty proposals, but all I can think about is Cardan’s lips on Nicasia’s.

All it’d taken were a few kisses, he said. And she’d spilled the Undersea’s entire plan. So why, then, is he in the gardens with her, most likely kissing her again right now? They already have the information they need. I feel nauseous at the thought of the fingers that brought me so much pleasure the other night, now exploring Nicasia’s willowy body or tangled into her dark blue hair.

I remind myself that I wanted this. That I told Cardan our night together was just to satisfy an urge. And knowing Cardan, he has a lot more itches he needs to be scratched. Still, I lie awake, restless and unable to sleep as I can’t stop imagining them together.

Before I can convince myself otherwise, I don my jacket and head down the winding halls towards Cardan’s chambers. I don’t know what my purpose is, except to interrupt whatever amorous activities he might be up to with the Princess of the Undersea, and I haven’t thought of anything to say when I arrive at his doors. Luckily, his guards seem unaffected by my late night presence and let me through, regardless.

The door to his bedroom is ajar, and I approach slowly. But when low moans and heavy breathing filter into the room, I stop where I stand. Regret fills me, and my head spins with upset.

I have no idea what I’m doing here. And I certainly have no desire to see whatever is going on in his bedroom. I’m ashamed at my jealous – yes, jealous – heart. As I begin to backtrack, I hear his low voice groan something that sounds like my name. He says it again, louder. For a second, I think maybe he’s called Nicasia by the wrong name in bed, and I wait to hear a slap and whatever other noises come from the dirty games they play together. But instead, my name gets called out again.

“Jude!”

My heart pounds as I realize that he’s heard me come in, and is calling for me, and I have no reasonable explanation for why I am there.

With the most bravado I can muster, I raise my chin and enter his bedroom.

Only, he has most certainly not called for me. Not on purpose, anyway.

Cardan lies, stretched out on his giant bed, completely naked. His skin glows in the blue-grey light of the moon, making him look almost like he’s glowing. A flickering candle burns next to his head, releasing the heady scent of pine sap. My eyes scan his naked body, trailing from his strong shoulders to his narrow stomach, all the way down to where his hand lies wrapped around his thick erection.

I watch with curiosity as his hand swipes up the length, and his thumb squeezes the head gently before rubbing the tip, and then returning back down. His hand moves in slow, lazy movements, and I don’t even realize I’ve taken steps into his room until I hear him call out my name again.

I know I should leave. I’m encroaching on dangerous territory. I need to tear my eyes away, but I can’t. My breath becomes shallow as I continue to spy on my king. And my feet unwittingly move forward, until I stand, perched at the edge of his bed.

His eyes are screwed shut, and I want to know what it is he’s thinking of me. Is he imaging my inexperienced hand around him. I certainly fumbled with him far more than his well-versed grip.

He moans my name again, low and pained, like a sacred prayer, and I can’t help but answer him.

“Yes?”

His dark eyes flutter open, and his breath catches as he sees me.

“My imagination isn’t this good,” he whispers. His eyes are slightly distracted with the effects of the wine he consumed at dinner as they wander my face, so I finally lean forward and touch my lips to his.

He groans against me, and I’m a mess. I kiss him back, lost to him and his talented mouth.

“You’re real,” he chuckles to himself as I pull away. “You’re really here.”

I nod and climb onto the bed next to him. He makes room for me and lets his hand trace circles on my knee. 

“Why?” he asks, and I still have no answer.

He watches with unnerving focus as I silently remove his hand from where it’s still wrapped around his length. I replace his hand with mine. He feels hard and heavy in my palm, and not at all like I remember from the other night. Then, I was too overwhelmed with my own sensations of pleasure, his fingers inside me doing things I’d never felt before. But now, I’m a disciplined student, ready to learn.

“Show me,” I command, and he covers my hand with his own. Heat seeps through my fingers as he guides my hand up, squeezing gently at the top. “Like that?” I ask, feeling nervous and vulnerable for the second time this week. But Cardan doesn’t seem to notice.

“Yes,” he replies. His guidance is interspersed with a breathless symphony of whimpers as my hand continues to stroke him.

“Faster,” he instructs, and I increase my pace at his behest. I watch every movement his body makes. His rising and falling chest. His hips, as they start to lift off the bed and into my hand. His tail, coiling around his leg until it’s taut, and then uncoiling again. I’m watching him come undone under my hand, and it is everything I didn’t know I always wanted. I will never pleasure him with my eyes closed again.

“Faster,” he repeats. His voice breaks, and his fingers strain curl into the flesh of my leg. It’s all he can reach at the angle I’m sitting. His neck strains as he struggles to keep his head up, but his eyes never leave me. Even when I look down at my hand, which moves faster up and down his erection, he still stares.

“Jude,” he cries. “Jude, Jude, Jude.”

My name is a chant, a plea to the Gods. I hear the raw anguish behind it – as if he doesn’t know if he loves or hates what I’m doing to him. And I can’t say I don’t relate. My hand moves even faster. I can tell he’s nearing the end. His muscles shake with fatigue, barreling towards that fever pitch.

“Kiss me,” he says.

His hand covers mine again as our lips meet in an unhurried kiss. It so starkly contrasts the pace of my hand, I’m unsettled by it. His tongue curls around mine, and I can feel him almost there. My hand squeezes ever so slightly harder, and his teeth sink into my bottom lip as he grunts into my mouth. His hips go wild, thrusting into my hand with reckless abandon.

When his hips finally still, I pull away. It’s only then that I notice that my lip is bleeding. A bright red dot splashes onto his pale skin. It rolls down his stomach next to the white fluid that marks his pleasure, and for some sick reason, I want to taste it.

I begin to reach for him, but he grabs my hand. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen, laced with fury, as he wipes the stickiness from his stomach and chest with a cloth from his nightstand.

He sits up suddenly, and I watch as his brows furrow as he looks at me. I feel completely exposed under his prying gaze, despite the fact that he is the one naked, and I am still fully clothed.

He kisses me softly once more, his lips delicately pressing against mine, as if I’m a toy he’s afraid to break.

“Is it out of your system now?” he dares to ask.

And this time he knows I’m lying when I say, “Yes.”

~*~*~*~

tag list:

@hizqueen4life @wordsafterhours @cursebreaker29 @x3hopeless-dreamer @sarahjmaasslave @thewickedkings @aesthetics-11 @thewayshedreamed @studyforthestars99 @feed-the-madness01 @brit-alltoowell @gabs-2002 @m-like-magic @sophiekarim @the-third-me @babycardan @justfangirling @isardinesinacanblog @youknowpurple @snusbandxknifewife @youknowpurple @cosmosstarstudio @wannawriteyouabook @aneurwin @bookieworm @bamchickawowow @taco-taco-belle @annejulianneh111 @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @queen-of-glass @df3ndyr @maastrash @justgiu12 @aknymph  @strangeenemy @studyliketate @iammissstark​ @heirofthenightcourt @acourtofmarauders

[valkyriesryde]

He Consumes Me

Pairing: Loki x F!Reader

Summary: Thor said that Loki is gone, for good. She was beginning to finally accept that. No longer would he consume her thoughts or control her mind. No longer would he trick her.

Warnings: angst (?), fluff, Loki because that should be a warning in itself, thats it?

Word Count: 2,100ish

A/N: The prompt was supposed to be “Loki, look who it is!” but I changed it slightly. This is for Gab​ even though she asked for it a long time ago I'm sorry it took so long hun and also thank you for helping me with the ending lmao LOVE YOU...i think this is the most grammatically correct thing I've ever written

~~~

“You do not wish to marry me?” He stepped up beside her but his eyes don’t meet hers when she looks to her side. Loki’s eyes are cast over Asgard, admiring the beauty and the gold hue it shows as the sun sets before them. 

“It isn’t that I do not wish to marry you, I simply do not wish to marry.” She stands only a few feet apart from him. His hands clasped behind his back as he always does around her. “Especially when I am being forced.”

“Do not worry Dove,” it’s then that Loki turns to her and gives her a sly smile but there's a sadness in his eyes, “I’ll get us out of this. Your heart will be open to whoever you choose.”

“You’re still thinking about him. You mustn’t let him control you.” Valkyrie gave her a sad smile as they stood overlooking the port. Men and women worked through the day as the king and her friend went about their day overlooking the day to day life of New Asgard. 

“He doesn’t control me.”

“He consumes your thoughts. It’s been years, Thor said it himself. Loki is gone.” Valkyrie, though having never gotten along with the god of mischief, respected him and his sacrifice for her people. Y/N nodded her head pulled her coat tighter around her. 

Six years without Loki. Six years since she watched him die for Thor. Even longer since he refused to marry her. She’d mourned Loki too many times. For years she was convinced that he could never die as he had come back to her every time. Not to her. He’d never come back to her, he’d come back to Thor. Six years is a long time to refuse to mourn someone but Valkyrie was right, she had to accept what Thor had said. Loki was gone. 

“You’re right, I know. If you excuse me, I think I’ll turn in for the night. Good night my King,” she winked at Valkyrie who brushed her off and sent her on her way. 

~~~

The sun set behind Valkyrie as she stood on the cliff as she did most nights with her sword at her waist. 

“You’re like a cockroach.”

“I prefer a snake.” Loki stood beside his king, “where is Thor?” 

“He left, with the guardians...long story.” He nodded and took in the village below them, a small smile on his face as he thought about how much Asgard had been through and how far the people had come. They had accepted him but he feared they no longer would. “What took you so long this time? Cold feet again?”

“Again?”

“I’ve heard stories,” Valkyrie saw the light of her friend's home flicker on and pointed towards it. “You can stay there. Let yourself in.”

~~~

Y/N leaned against the counter sipping her tea, she turned off the light as she made her way back down the hallway. She caught a movement in the corner of her eye as she passed the foyer but that wasn’t uncommon. Valkyrie’s words played in her mind again as she thought she saw the familiar black hair you mustn’t let him control you. She continued down the hall, ignoring the footsteps she thought she heard moving towards the kitchen. 

“Just the wind,” she whispered to herself. A clinking of dishware sounded through the silence and Y/N froze, that couldn’t be her imagination. 

Loki brought down a mug from the cabinet, he cursed himself as they knocked against each other. Trying to be as quiet as possible Loki moved around the kitchen making himself a cup of tea as the kettle was still hot. Until his movement halted as he felt a sharp object pressed into his back. 

“Who are you?” 

“Evening Dove.” The dagger dug deeper into his spine as he held his hands up in surrender.

“Who are you?” Her voice cut through him. Her eyes stung, this was one last attempt from her mind to let him control her. She would not let it. She was sick of him consuming her if she had to kill him finally then so be it. 

“I know it’s been some years,” he turned around and both their breaths hitched in their throats. “But you don’t recognize me?” She was more beautiful than he remembered, only aging slightly but it just added to her beauty. 

“Loki is dead so reveal who you really are.” the dagger twisted in her hands and she stabbed it down towards his chest. Loki caught her wrist before the short sword hit his chest. 

“You still wear your ring?” He examined her left hand as he lifted it closer. His eyes were soft as he saw the green emerald and gold band, simple but elegant, around her finger.

“As long as you’re still alive I’m still your fiance.” Her voice was quiet for a moment before Y/N jerked her arm back in an attempt to get Loki to let go, he does not consume me. “You are dead now though.”

“Yet you still wear the ring,” his fingers shifted against her skin and a gold snake wrapped itself around her wrist and up her forearm slightly until it settled and stiffened. “I preferred your bracelet.”

“Loki,” the dagger dropped from her hand and she stepped back from his touch as he dropped her wrist. He was here in front of her and she didn’t know if she wanted to hug him or hurt him. “Thor said -” she sobbed into her hands, “I MOURNED YOU! I AM SICK OF MOURNING YOU. I WATCHED YOU DIE FOR HIM!” she yelled at him and he let her. Loki let her yell and scream and when she ran at him to hit him he let her. 

He deserved it, he deserved her anger. He left her when he was promised to her. He left her because he didn’t believe she wanted him. He didn’t deserve her kindness, her friendship, or her hand in marriage. 

“Valkyrie will not allow you here.”

“Valkyrie is the reason I’m here,” his voice was quiet like it always was with her, like everything he told her was only for her to hear.

“You don’t even come back for me, forget the fact I was or am your fiance. We were friends and you don’t even come back for me. You may be welcome in this village but you are not welcome in my home.” She turned and walked out of the kitchen and into her room, slamming the door behind her. 

Loki washed the mug he had filled and put it back in the cabinet before walking out of the small house and sitting on the steps. He leaned against the door frame and closed his eyes listening to her move in her room and feeling the dark surround him as she turned off the light.

~~~

“Loki,” Valkyrie kicked Loki’s leg until he awoke on the steps. 

“My King,” he rubbed at his eyes and over his face as he looked up at her shaking her head at him.

“Has she come out?” 

“Not that I’m aware,” he peered over his shoulder towards her window, the curtains still drawn. His face remained neutral but his heart dropped.

“When she does tell her she’s not needed today will you?” Valkyrie gave him no time to answer before she walked away and left Loki on the steps. He looked up at the door and felt the wood under his fingers.

She held the warm towel to her face and then looked in the mirror. Her ring sat on the bedside table in her bedroom but the bracelet still locked itself around her wrist. She couldn’t bring it in herself to take it off before she had gone to bed or again when she got dressed in the morning.

His fingers lightly traced down from her shoulder, past her elbow and as they brushed over her forearm a gold tail followed it with the head of the snake curling around her wrist.

“I had no choice in the ring on your finger. But if we must marry, I want to give you my own symbol of a promise.” 

“I will not tolerate this.” She refused to let him consume her thoughts as he’d done all this time. She threw on a jacket and swung the door open, almost tripping over Loki on the steps. “I told you you’re not welcome here Trickster.”

“Ahh but you said I’m not welcome in your home. Alas, I’m not in it just outside of it,” he held his hands out and smiled at her but it quickly faded when she showed no sign of amusement. “Valkyrie says you’re not needed today.”

“Well,” she stepped back up the stairs and opened the door, “I won’t go out then.”

~~~

“Still not letting you in?” Loki smiled at Valkyrie and tipped his head to the sides shrugging his shoulders. The king knocked at the door and Loki waited behind her.

“Valkyrie, look who it is!” Y/N smiled at her and nodded to the man behind her. “Loki is back for you.” She deadpanned and walked deeper into the house, leaving the door open for Valkyrie to follow. 

“I’M NOT HERE FOR HER,” Loki yelled after her. He was sick of being left outside like a cat. He stalked into the house and slammed the front door behind him. “Would you let me explain myself?!” He said storming further into the lounge to find her standing there waiting for him and Valkyrie nowhere in sight. 

“Explain yourself.”

“You’re still wearing your bracelet,” he slowly stepped towards her and held out his hands for her to take.

“It is mine,” she shrugged. Loki held her hands to his lips, those words dripped through the air and against him. You are mine, he wanted her to tell him, I am yours, it meant. 

“You mourned for me?” Her hands held moved from his lips to his cheeks, her fingers brushed against his jaw. 

“Every time. You’re not explaining yourself.”

“You’re right I’m not,” she pushed his chest and folded her arms, waiting for some sort of explanation to come from the trickster’s mouth. “Firstly I need to apologize to you. You didn’t want to marry me, leaving was the only option to make you happy. For all the other times I died or disappeared, I apologize for them too. I was - am selfish. When you weren’t there when I was Odin I thought you had moved on but then -”

“I was still there. I was in the mountains but I was always there.”

Loki uncrossed her arms and took her hands in his once again. He blinked back the feelings of guilt that spread through him. “I had to make sure it was safe before I returned, that’s why I took so long. You have to believe me.”

“Why come back, Trickster? Thor has left.” Loki smiled at the nickname, he twisted the threat of her scarf in his fingers and licked his lips.

“For you my dove,” he kept his eyes on his fingers that twisted the thread, he watched her left hand held his wrist and palm as she stepped closer to him and he looked up.

“Trickster if -”

“No tricks, not now, not ever with you. I’ve always been honest with you you know that. I love you deeply dove. I wish I had had the courage to ask for your hand myself all those years ago but here we are. I’m here and I plan to stay but only if you allow me.” His eyes pleaded with her, his voice wavered as he begged and confessed his love to her. 

She answered in a way he never imagined she would. All his years knowing her she had never been outspoken, never crossed a line or broken a rule. He’d always admired and respected her for that. So when she grabbed the collar of his coat, pulling him down towards her and pressing her lips to his Loki was shocked initially. Until her hand held his jaw and his hands found her waist, the shock subsided and instead, he was lost in her. 

She controlled his every sense, the feel on her close against him under his touch, the smell of her perfume and simply her surrounding him, the taste of her as he kissed her, the sound of her hum as they pulled away, the sight of her timid and nervous against him but a small smile creeping onto her face. She consumed his thoughts as she had for so many years and as she would for so many more and he smiled. Loki, the god of mayhem and mischief beamed at his dove. 

“I never said I didn’t want to marry you. Loki you leaving me will never make me happy. I love you with all that I have. You devour my thoughts until all that’s left is you,” he kissed her himself then. Short but sweet, tender but passionate. “I love you Trickster.” 

“I shall never leave you again then.”

~~~

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! 

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[fortheloveoffanfic]

Routine

Keanu Reeves x Reader (A/n- Just a fluff fest that I conjured up whilst wishing I could spend a lazy day with Keanu. Even if we might not be able to, lets live vicariously through writing) (A/n 2- Idk why this took me so long to write, laziness at it’s finest right here guys.) Warnings= Implied smut......I guess

6:43 am

There’s a tickling in the crook of her neck and a strong arm has wrapped itself around Y/n naked waist. As she blinks herself awake, the sun has almost completely risen and warm rays are filtering through the glass balcony door. For just a second, Y/n pretends that she’s still asleep, waiting to see how far he’ll take his ministrations. Keanu’s kisses on her neck start growing longer and she gets the feeling that he’s trying to leave little marks that will remind her of him when she tries to cover them with make-up. No doubt he’ll be successful, he always is. Suddenly his flattened palm on her stomach travels downwards to her womanhood and he dips his fingers between her bare thighs. Surprised, Y/n gasps, giving herself away.

“Good morning,” Keanu greets accompanied by another kiss, this time reaching over to her cheek. 

“It certainly is, isn’t it?” Y/n giggles quietly, scooting herself closer to him, feeling his arousal against her back.

Keanu hums in agreement then encourages her to turn around, finally they’re face to face, “I had a dream about you,” he muses with a giddy smile plastered on his handsome face.

“A good one I hope,” Y/n’s hand travels up Keanu’s chest, settling at the edge of his jaw.

“If they’re about you they’re only the best,” Keanu tries to pull her closer and their lips meet.

For a second, Y/n groans in protest, “I haven’t brushed my teeth,” she presses against his firm chest but eventually gives in.

“Neither have I,” Keanu mumbles against Y/n lips.

Bursting into a fit of laughter, “You’re gross.”

“You bring that out in me,” Keanu teases back and Y/n scoffs, feigning offense.

In one fluid motion, Keanu throws a leg on the other side of Y/n and rolls them over so he's on top, his weight supported by his elbows sunk into the mattress. He leans down to her and Y/n brings her hands around Keanu’s neck and soon enough, they become a tangle of limbs.

7:35am

Keanu hurries down the stairs, following the smell of coffee and pancakes in the frying pan. When he reaches the kitchen, Y/n is standing at the stove, wearing his shirt from the night before. The sleeves are rolled up at her elbows and she looks smaller that she usually does, the dark fabric swallowing her up. Next to her, on the counter, is the bowl, still half filled with batter, along with her favorite mug. Upbeat music is playing softly from her phone on the island and Y/n sways her hips in time with the beat. 

Instead of announcing his presence, Keanu lingers in the doorway, admiring Y/n. It’s usually in moments like these, when she isn’t aware that he’s looking that he finds himself wondering how he got this lucky. The optimum of perfection, beauty and everything good in the world, right here in the kitchen, the same one that used to feel so empty just a year ago. She’s everything he could have dreamed of and more, gorgeous, smart, witty and in love with him.

Turing around for a plate, Y/n jumps a little when she see him standing there, a small smile twisting her lips, “How long have you been standing there?” She blushes, realizing that she must have looked ridiculous dancing. 

“Not long enough.” Keanu strides up to her, taking her in his arms, pressing his lips to hers, “I like it when you dance.”

“Yeah?” She giggles, then begins swaying again, her front brushing against his. Y/n throws her arms around Keanu’s neck, tangling her fingers in his drying hair, toying with the edges as he starts to dance with her. His hands travel to her the curve of her backside, slipping under the he of the shirt. Easily, Keanu lifts Y/n off the floor, resulting in squeals of delight. “Keanu!” She giggles and he nibbles on the edge of her jaw, “Come on, the pancakes are gonna burn.”

He doesn’t relent though, instead, he tightens his grip on her with one hand, using the other to turn off the burner, “Problem solved,” he mumbles against her lips, walking them over to a chair at the kitchen table. “Now, where were we?” They both smile as his hands travel to her front, groping her breasts through the shirt before quickly undoing the buttons, tossing it to the floor.

8:22am

“I really need to start getting ready for work. I have a meeting for nine,” Y/n tries to wiggle out of Keanu’s grip but the more she tries to move the more he seems to want her to stay.

“Call in sick,” he counters, pulling her down into his lap so his lips can find her neck. Feeling him on her skin, Y/n relaxes, submitting to his touch, moaning a little. It isn’t even nine yet but she’s already growing a little sore between her legs. “Stay here with me today.”

Y/n smiles at his request, “I can’t. What’s gotten into you?” She laughs, trying to playfully swat him away. “You’re insatiable this morning.”

“You’ve gotten into me,” he lets her go, trailing behind Y/n as she heads up to the bathroom. When she turns to look at him, her face more serious, he frowns, “I don’t know, I just don’t want you to go. Can’t we just spend the day together, I promise it’ll be fun,” Keanu hold his hands out to her.

Y/n’s shoulders slump and she’s finding it extremely hard to say no to his offer, “I guess it has been a while since we spent an entire day together,” she sighs watching his grin grow, already knowing that she’s going to give in, “Fine.” 

Keanu pulls Y/n in, “I love you,” he mummers against her lips as they move along with his.

“I love you too,” she says softly. When they break she pulls away, shrugging Keanu’s shirt that hangs loosely on her shoulders, “I’m going to take a shower.” As she’s tossing the shirt to the laundry hamper, Keanu saunters through the open bathroom door, sans t-shirt. “What are you doing?” Y/n rolls her eyes as he closes the distance, leaving her pressed the glass shower door.

“I thought you’d like some company, maybe some help,” Keanu’s hands find Y/n’s waist, his fingers pressing lightly into the smooth skin there. His teeth graze her earlobe and she moans quietly her fingers gripping the elastic waist of his sweat pants. “Is that a yes?”

Her eyes shine with mischief as Y/n pushes the door open and walks backwards into the large walk in shower, pulling Keanu along.

2:35pm

After about an hour of lounging at the poolside, dark clouds cover the sun, and the air cooled but Y/n and Keanu thought nothing of it until a light drizzle turned into a full on shower, accompanied by thunder and lightening. Now, they’re in the living room, cuddled together on the sofa with the television playing an old romance. “I’m glad you decided to stay home today. I would have hated for you to be caught in that on you way home,” he quietly breaks the silence, referring to the torrential downpour outside.

Y/n smiles beside herself at his concern, “You worry too much,” she turns in his arms to press a kiss to the side of his lips, his scruff rough against her smooth skin. “It probably would have died down by the time I got ready to leave.”

Keanu frowns slightly. Y/n always seemed to have a hard time understanding his worry, but he knew that she tried, “I’d have still been worried. The road is dangerous when it’s all wet.”

This time, Y/n doesn’t dismiss him, instead, she spins her body completely, gabbing his face in her hands, “Listen mister, no matter what, there could be a 100 slippery, wet roads, I’ll always find my way back to you. I promise.”

Keanu smiles, caressing her face adoringly, “I love you Y/n, don’t ever not come home, please,” his smile saddens and Y/n repositions herself again, kneeling in his lap, feeling the familiar roughness of his beard in her fingers. 

Her subtle smile matches his and between sweet kisses, “I promise, besides, I’ve got no where better to be. And I love you too.”

After a while, innocent kisses turn heated and Keanu easily flips them over so Y/n is sprawled out beneath him, clad in only his t-shirt and her bikini from earlier. “You’re so sexy,” he compliments when he finally rids her of the clothes and Y/n’s cheeks burn as if it’s the first time he’s ever said it.

Biting her lips, her hands travel to the elastic waist of his pants, slipping beneath the material. When she cups his erection, giving a playful squeeze, Keanu groans, thrusting involuntarily into her hand, “Is this how sexy you think I am?” Her words are a breathy whisper.

“Baby, that’s just half of it,” Keanu manages, burying his face in her neck, removing her hand so she can him out of his remaining clothes, “Let me show you what I really think,” he mummers, kissing his way down her body, making her squirm under him, losing herself in his touch.

11:25 pm

“Ugh, it’s so late,” Y/n moans as she gets under the covers, pulling them up to her chest the minute she’s in bed. “And it’s cold.”

After a couple minutes, Keanu struts out of the bathroom, shirtless, with a pair of sweats sitting low on his hips. “You’re so whiney,” he teases playfully, turning off the overhead lights and checking the windows one last time before sliding in next to her, “It’s not even that cold.”

“Speak for yourself,” she grumbles, rubbing her hands up and down her bare arms, maybe tonight was the kind of night that called for more than just her boyfriend’s t-shirt as pajamas. Huffing, Y/n starts tosses the covers aside, ready to go rummage through her drawer for something warmer, when Keanu grabs her wrist, encouraging her to get back into bed. “What?” She giggles.

“Come here,” he reels her in until their laying face to face, her leg draped over his side, wrapped in his arms, “Let me keep you warm,” he smiles.

“Oh? What did you have in mind?” Y/n’s arms wound around his neck, trying to close the inexistent space between them. Keanu mumbles are response that Y/n doesn’t hear, but she quickly gets the idea when he encourages her out of her panties and loses his sweat pants.

12:03 am

It’s just past midnight when Y/n falls asleep, curled against Keanu’s chest with just the comforter and his embrace to keep her warm. They exchange sleepy goodnights and she’s soon lulled to sleep by the steady sound of his heartbeat.

Keanu doesn’t stay awake for much longer either and soon, his breathing slows as he succumbs to sleep, contented with Y/n in his arms, knowing that even when he leaves her in wake, their love will follow him to his dreams.

[cilliansaccent]

The Peaky Designer - Cillian Fanfic, Chapter 22

Hello, welcome back. Below is the next instalment of my fanfiction!

Leave a like or a comment if you liked it, or if I can do anything better! Please, it would mean the world and to understand if anyone is enjoying my writing. Also, sharing/reblogging would be even better.

PLEASE READ:

I will not be including Cillian’s family as it’s kinda weird since he has children lmao. Just a mention of his parents and a previous lover.

I will indicate in a chapter if there is smut in the beginning and before the actual scene!!

I will add trigger warnings if there is any!!

There is a variety of levels of swearing during a chapter, I will not hold back, everyone swears.

The timestamp for the Fic is now 2016 and onwards!!

——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——-

Background: Gabrijela Babic is a Croatian girl from Sydney, Australia. She is born in the year 1991 on the 24th of December. She studies a Fashion degree in a University with a major in Game Design as well. Her teacher in the fashion designer class managed to nail an Internship on the set of Peaky Blinders with the shows very own Costume Designer, Allison McCosh. There, she travels to London for under a year to learn how to be one, working alongside the actors as well the man she admires, Cillian Murphy. But, her platonic feelings for the man begins to grow into something more, and she wonders whether she should pursue them or let him go for fear of her strict parents and her three older brothers…

Characters:

Swantje Paulina as Gabrijela Babic (swalina on Instagram)

Cillian Murphy

Word Count: 8,912

!!Warnings!!: Sex scenes early in the chapter

Date: February 2017

Chapter Name: Dinner at a Wogs House

Brief Chapter Outline: Gabrijela and Cillian go on a quick shopping spree before it’s time for the gentle Irish man to meet Gabrijela’s very large family...

——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——- ——-

"Cillian!" Gabrijela drawled out his name as his arms slid around her and she was pulled back on the bed and grunted softly. "You must let me go." She whined.

He clutched her close to his body and tangled his legs in hers, "I don't want you to go." He kissed her neck and knew how much she liked it. And how it turned her on.

She let out a soft sigh as she reached back and tangled her hand into his hair, "Cillian... Baby... You can't... Make me... Stay... I'll be late for work..." She felt his body move on top of hers and she was pinned to the bed. She was so sensitive since yesterday but she was growing wet and aching already for him. She didn't fight him off when he pushed off her tights and underwear, then felt his cock rest on her ass before he was in her. She gripped the sheets as she let out a moan.

Cillian took her hands in his, lacing his fingers and started to thrust into her. His little quickie with her turned into thirty minutes of absolutely making love to her body. He loved the way she made blissful expressions and her grip on his shoulders when he turned her around to finish in her a third time. He grinned at her when he slowed down and kept his hips pressed to hers.

"You are such a bastard." She moaned as he thrust into her once more. "Cillian... Please. God. I-I do have to go." She laughed as he kissed her neck.

"Okay. Okay." He laughed with her and pushed himself off her and pulled out with a soft groan and laid back on the bed to watch her.

Gabrijela rolled her eyes as she went to the bathroom to clean up a bit and then came out to pull on her thong and her tights.

"So beautiful." He commented as he admired her, "Come here."

She raised a brow and came to the edge of the bed as he moved close to a sitting position. He placed his hands on her hips and pushed up her shirt to reveal her tummy, "Be good." He murmured to her tummy and pressed soft kisses in a heart shape.

Gab felt tears in her eyes as she gently laid her hands on his head and had the biggest smile ever, "I love you, Cillian. You will make a perfect father." She met his gaze and leaned down to kiss him softly.

"My wonderful girl, she's going to be an as equally perfect mother." He smiled and kissed her lovingly.

She giggled, "I'll see you later, baby." She kissed his forehead as she pulled away and tugged on her sneakers, "I will call you when I get to work, when I have lunch and when I leave to see you tonight."

"Alright. Can't wait to see you, my love. Have a wonderful day." He squeezed her sides and she turned to leave for work.

Work went swiftly but she was itching to get back to the hotel room and see her lover. When lunch came around she called him and they chatted, he was at the Queen Victoria Building and checking the shops out and had bought some... Things. She knew he found something for her and she grumbled, "You should save your money for yourself!"

"Yes... Nah. I don't need to. Want to get something nice for you." He mused.

"Valentine's day is over, babe." She said as she took a bite into her chicken wrap she got from Le Wrap.

"Yeah, but the sales! You know I love a good sale." He retorted.

"Oh, so I'm only good enough for sales?" She teased.

"Oh no, you are worth every cent in the whole world." He replied with a smile.

"Aw, Cilly. You sweetheart." She blew him a kiss, "Also make sure you look for a suit. We got tomorrow only before we leave on Friday." She reminded him.

"Already on it, beautiful." He said.

"Okay. Good boy. I better go. Have to go back to workin'." She said and they said their good-byes and she hung up.

Then her mother called.

She groaned and picked up, "Hello?"

"Hi, darling. How are you going?" She asked her.

"Fine. Finishing lunch and about to head back to work. You?" She replied as she packed up her rubbish and slowly made her way back up to her work.

"I'm fine. I've been meaning to ask you something." She continued hesitantly.

Gab leaned against a railing in front of her work, "Yeah?"

There was a pause, "When will you come back home? Your dad has calmed down and wants you back here."

She sighed, "If only you promise me you won't make any more unnecessary comments on who I can see or be with."

Her mum seemed to reply much longer before she sighed, "Gabrijela you know we worry about you. With what happened with your ex-"

"He is nothing like my ex, mum. He is absolutely perfect. You haven't even met him. Why make such harsh assumptions?" Gab frowned and sounded hurt. "You've seen the photos on Facebook anyway, does he seem like a cruel man?

"I'm sorry darling. Alright. Why don't we have dinner tomorrow night then? I'll get dad to cook up a barbeque." Her mum replied.

"Okay. That sounds wonderful. Have to come back anyway to pack up for Friday. I'll be going in my own car with Cillian since he's invited to. So you don't have to worry too much." She said.

"Alright, we will see you tomorrow. Love you." She said.

"Before you go, will everyone be there?" Gab asked.

"They will. They all want to meet your... Boyfriend." Her mum said.

"Ugh... Fine. I'll give him a warning." Gab huffed.

"Only good things. Have fun at work. Love you." She said.

"Love you too, mum," Gab replied and head back to work.

Work went swiftly and she bought some boxers for Cillian and some other clothing wear. She gave him a call that she was heading back and had some news for him. When she arrived at the room he pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "My love." She murmured against his lips as he carried her to the bed.

"Hello. How was work?" He kissed her lovingly.

"It was good. I missed you a lot." She smiled and cupped his face before her eyes caught some bags near the dresser.

"I've missed you too. I got you something." He said as he pulled back and handed her a black bag.

"Oh? Have you now?" She took the bag and pulled out the box inside. She popped the lid and gasped as she pulled out the items. It was a very sexy lingerie piece, it was red and lacy. The bra was more of a bralette with wire for some support, the thong was strappy and also had matching shorties. Beneath it was a silk red slip with twin high thigh splits with a bit of lace at the neckline. "Oh, Cillian! You sneaky man." She leaned up and kissed him.

"You like it?" He asked as he watched her put the slip against her.

"It's perfect. I love it so much." She nodded as she packed it up neatly in the box. "Thanks, Cilly." She stood and kissed him. "I got something for you too." She mused as she stepped back and handed him a Bonds bag.

"You didn't need to." He said as he took the bag and pulled out the things. "Oh damn, I do need new boxers. And sleepwear. Thanks, my love. I love it." He leaned in and kissed her sweetly.

"Good. I was sick of seeing those rags you drag around." She nipped his jaw.

"I can chuck them out now." He nodded.

She giggled, "What's the plan tonight?" She asked.

"Don't know. Dinner?" He asked.

"Alright. My shout though. I know a place. Just casual though." She said and they got ready. She didn't apply any make-up since she had some on already, just combed back her hair and pulled on a white playsuit with gold downwards stripes, it had off the shoulder frilly sleeves. She topped it off with black high-top chucks and posed in the mirror.

"Wonderful," Cillian said as he fixed the collar of his dark blue shirt and then patted his jeans down. "How do I look?"

"Ravishing." She stuck her tongue out and came over, kissing his cheek, "Let's go my love."

They headed to the harbour once more and she took him to a restaurant called Olivio's. There she told him about tomorrow night and the dinner with her family.

"Already?" He cocked a brow as he took a sip of his red.

"Yeah. The whole squad is gonna be there. So let's hope the kids will keep the air soft and relaxed. I am not up for any arguments." She sat back.

"Mm." Cillian nodded. Gabrijela told him once that her family, especially her parents, were harsh critics on her life and anything she did. Even to who she saw and was with and he wondered what their opinions were of him dating their young daughter. He could most likely see their point as there is a clear issue: The age gap. But he wasn't going to let that come between him or Gab. He would love her endlessly.

"You don't sound so sure." She tilted her head to the side.

"No, I am sure. I guess I will take it as it is. We can only see how it goes tomorrow. You think telling them your pregnant is too early?" He asked.

"Oh most definitely yes. I... That is way too early. Only there to let them meet you and like you before we can tell them another time." But she knew time was ticking and they had to come clean in the next week or so. Before Cillian would leave to go back to Dublin and soon after start filming.

Cillian knew her thoughts and reached over to take her hand and squeezed it, "Together we will." He murmured gently.

"I know." She smiled and squeezed his hand back.

Their food came and they dug in, she changed the subject and told him she had found a place for them on the South Coast, a place called Gillards Beach which was just before Tathra, a small coastal town. It was like wild camping, no electricity and no showers but had toilets. Cillian seemed eager and she reminded him she would bring plenty of water to refresh themselves. He was still excited either way and told her of a story when he was a boy and camped with his family. The night was light and airy with a lovely summer breeze. They spent the night walking the harbour, hand in hand and talking about new songs that were coming out. They took more cute selfies, sat on the steps cuddled close and kissed. Her legs were hooked over his and she cupped his face with a hand and gave him soft kisses, "Have I told you how much I love you?" She murmured.

"Always." He leaned in, returning her kisses, "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Every day, every hour, every minute to the last second." She deepened the kiss, her hand now on the back of his head.

His arms circled around her to draw her in closer and they held their kiss. There was a flash and he opened his eyes to see some girls some meters away from them whispering fast as they did something on their phone, when they looked up the girl lost her smile a little and knew she was caught. "Hold up," Cillian said against Gabrijela's lips as he stood and wandered over.

Gab raised a brow and crossed her leg, watching him come to the girls. She could hear the conversation.

"Girls." Cillian smiled at them and they smiled back.

"Hi, Cillian." One said with a blush.

"Hello." The other replied.

"I'm going to cut this short and sweet. I'd appreciate if you didn't take photos of me with my girlfriend, I'd like you to know I am not a fan of sneaky photos while I'm out and about. It is quite rude and not fair for myself or my girlfriend to have strangers have photo's of us together and posting them without our consent." Cillian explained with politeness, Gabrijela's heart swooned.

"Oh... But... Okay. I understand. But there are photos already circulating, the ones she's posted." The girl said.

"Well, I've given her consent to post them. She can do what she likes because I trust her. Besides, she does not post much anyway. She does show me what she posts and I'm happy for her to express her happiness like that." Cillian said. "So if it would be no trouble, but to delete the ones you just took." He was stern but kind and watched the girl delete the photos. Even in her secondary trash so there was no evidence left on her phone. "I appreciate that a lot." He smiled.

Gabrijela came over and giggled, "Okay. Enough hassling the girls. Why don't you sit with them and I'll take a photo? Come on you butt, I know you love to smile." She pinched his arm and he chuckled.

"So demanding." He mumbled and took his spot between the girls. He wrapped his arms around them both as Gabrijela used the girl's phone to snap a picture.

"Perfecto! Here you go, girls. I hope my man wasn't too harsh." She slipped her hand in Cillians.

"No, of course not. He was very kind. Thank you." They both blushed, "You're so lucky."

"I know. Couldn't ask for anyone better. Don't ever settle on something you know you don't like. You'll find that person eventually." Gab glanced up at Cillian and had the most loving smile ever.

The girls made an 'aw' sound and mentioned how cute they were before congratulating Cillian on his recent season of Peaky Blinders. Gab kept it short when it came to her falling in love and did not go into much detail before they had to go. The girls waved as they scurried away.

"I wasn't too harsh, was I?" Cillian wrapped his arms around her as they stood there.

"No. I think what you said was good and polite. You know what you like and don't like and made sure to remind those girls. You are a good man, and I love you." She kissed him softly.

"I love you too," He said and kissed her back deeply.

They headed back to the hotel room to have a very sensual bath together where they kissed and touched each other. It was Cillian's idea as he treated her all night long, taking her slow and easy, his hands roving over her skin and his lips kissing spots on her body which she didn't know would feel good. He wanted to remind her again who she was to him and how much she meant to him, his body driving into hers in pleasurable hard thrusts. When they were both done they snuggled close to each other and fell asleep like that.

 Next-Day... 

 They wandered the streets of Sydney, going to every suit place they could come by. Tried things on but Gabrijela didn't like his choices nor where they went to. They had a bit of a heated argument about Cillian getting frustrated with the constant shake of her head and not liking anything he tried on.

"I don't want you to look daggy." She said as they left the fifth suit store now.

"I know that. But they did look good on me!" He shot back as they came to another store, Peter Jackson. 

"Of course but I'm telling you this store is good. Dom and Leo got their suits here for their weddings and they were perfect." Gab countered.

Cillian sighed and let her guide him into the store. She made quick conversation with the guy that greeted them and it was time to change into the various things she picked out. An hour and a half later... It was done.

Gabrijela came behind him and beamed as she hugged him, "Wow." She murmured.

The jacket and pants were a shade of gunmetal blue, maybe a bit more on the blue side with a dark ashy grey buttoned-down shirt. He insisted he would use his own black shoes but Gabrijela got him to wear a pair from the store. "I look good?" He asked and smiled.

"Like a snack." She nodded and pulled away to walk around him, running her hand along his arms and his back before she stopped before him, her hands on his waist.

"I like it." He grinned at her as he placed his hands on her shoulders, "But I really don't think I need one... I do have-"

"Shut it. I like this one, it's not even tailored and it fits you perfectly." She leaned up and kissed him softly.

"Alright, boss. Whatever you say." He laughed softly, his voice doing that cute little crack as he returned to kiss her deeply.

Someone cleared their throat, "How is the suit?" The male worked chuckled.

Gab blushed, "I like it. I think I will take it." Cillian replied as his arm snaked around her waist.

"Fantastic. I'll give you a great deal." He said with a smile.

Cillian disappeared back into the changing room and came back out soon after. Gabrijela took the clothing from him, "Everything?" He asked.

"Yep. Everything." She brought the things to the counter. A good deal was done and Gabrijela wanted to pay.

"No. I will." Cillian cocked an eyebrow as she faced him.

"You can buy my dress if that makes you happy?" She grinned.

He grounded his teeth together and nodded, "Fine." His hand went down her back and squeezed her ass and she giggled. Then it was off to a shop she knew and had booked an appointment with.

"Woah, how is this a formal place?" He asked as they entered a store that was just full of wedding dresses.

"They got a second and third level, dummy." She laughed and talked to a lady who disappeared upstairs. They hovered about and Cillian took this time to watch Gabrijela run her hands along with the multitude of dresses and smiling softly. He could see in her eyes the yearning for one of these dresses, he could see her in one...

"I love wedding dresses." She said as she came over to him.

"Yeah?" He asked with a smile.

"Mhm, I don't think I could pinpoint a favourite." She giggled. Cillian could only smile more and wrap an arm around her.

"Hello, Gabrijela! Great to see you again!" An older woman came over and the pair hugged.

"Hi, Sasha. It's good to see you again. We just came back from suit shopping." Gab smiled wide.

"Oh? What for?" She asked as she glanced at Cillian.

"A wedding," Gabrijela said.

"Wedding? You didn't tell me you were getting married!" Her eyes widened with shock.

"No!" Gab laughed and shook her head, "Sorry. I meant we are going to a wedding. Driving up tomorrow. So I need the dress by today."

Sasha nodded, "Right! Okay, well let's head up and start to see what you are after." Sasha said.

Gabrijela introduced Cillian to Sasha before it was time to explore what they had. Gabrijela changed countless times, showing it off for Cillian who was now being a pain in the ass when he didn't like any. But he did like the super tight ones. Gab rolled her eyes but when the last dress came... Gabrijela was in love instantly. The dress was satin and sparkly all over. It was royal blue but you couldn't really tell from the sparkles and the shades of blue it had, it was more grey-blue really. Much like a galaxy. The neckline was a half V-plunge and an open back criss-cross strap. It came to the floor and with good heels, it didn't drag along. She twirled on the raised floor and was in amazement. "I love this." She whispered.

"I do too." Cillian came to her side. He had changed into his suit as well so they could see if they would compliment each other. Her dress brought out the blues in his outfit. They were perfect.

They looked at each other and laughed softly.

"We look perfect." She said as she slipped her arm around his waist. "I got the right nude heels." She mused. She took a photo of them together before she changed and Cillian paid. It was way more than his suit but he was adamant on paying.

Gab checked the time and they had to head back to the hotel to get ready for tonight. It was already four in the afternoon. They left the store and got ready at the hotel with Gabrijela going for a shower first then Cillian after. She kept it casual but nice, reminding her family as well that she didn't want this to be formal whatsoever. She pulled on shorts and a soft cotton pale yellow top that had six pictures of flowers. She pulled out what she wanted Cillian to wear, his trademark black skinny jeans and her favourite buttoned top he had, a dark blue colour that had a barely visible black checkered design. She liked it because when he rolled the sleeves up and flexed his arms... She could see the tense muscle show. She shivered at the thought and packed her stuff up into her bags, she wondered if Cillian should do the same...

He came out and looked at the things she laid out, "Isn't that a bit casual?" He asked.

"I don't want this formal or you trying to impress my family. Just be you." She gulped as she stared at him. He was in just his CK's and... Fuck. "God, you make me horny."

Cillian barked out a laugh as he sprayed on his cologne and combed back his hair, "Do I now?" He asked and she had come to his side, "Gab, we need to go soon-" He grunted when she gripped his cock and his arm wrapped around her, "G-Gabrijela."

"Yeah, but... I want to feel you." She mused and got him to sit back on the bed as she knelt between his knees, "You know, I barely get to do this for you." She pulled him out, tucking the band of his underwear under his balls. She continued to pump him slowly, making him harder.

"I know... But I get carried away at making you moan instead. Shit..." He leaned back on his hands, his cock now stiff in her soft palm. The feeling was so good, he wished he could let her do this to him often but he'd get so worked up he wanted to just fuck her. Like right now, he wanted to be in her, thrusting his hips and watch how her body would react to him. He looked back down at her fast strokes until her head came down and he felt those warm lips wrap around the head of his cock. Then further down she went, down, down, down... Until he was entirely in her mouth and she began to bob her head. Maybe he should control himself next time she did this, fuck the pleasure of her mouth was so good. He could feel her tongue push against his shaft and it felt like she was rubbing him in that way, it made another loud groan come from him as he placed his hand on the back of her head. "That's it Gabbie... Fuck. Keep doing that- Shit I love that!" Curses fell from his lips and he fought back from just thrusting into her mouth. He remembered when he did, how much she loved it and came multiple times from it... He couldn't help it and had a steady pace going and she did truly enjoy it.

Gab moaned around him, he took control now and her mouth was just a hole he needed to fuck. She felt her core throb and knew her panties were soaked. She liked this side of him and she simply held his hips and let him do his thing.

It wasn't long when Cillian let out hard gasps and pants followed with moans, his mouth parted and brows knitted together, "Yes... Yes... Yes... Yes!" He repeated, his voice cracking before he thrust up and held his hips to her face and came in her mouth, his head thrown back as her name was shouted to the heavens. He collapsed back and breathed fast as he felt her mouth leave his cock.

"God, Cillian." She laughed as she wiped her lips and chin. He made a mess of her face.

He glanced down as he sat up slowly, "Are you okay?" He asked watching her lick her fingers from his cum. The scene made his cock twitch a little.

"Always. That was fucking hot." She said as she knelt higher and pressed a kiss to his jaw. She was always hesitant to just kiss him right away, only letting him initiate it. Like he did now, pressing his lips to hers and kissed her deeply. She was then lifted into his lap then her shirt was pushed up along with her bra.

"Cillian you don't need to-" She moaned when his lips wrapped around her nipple and sucked hard. Her phone began to ring but she ignored it, chucking it on the bed when she felt his hand wiggle it's way into her shorts and began to stroke her soaking folds. She gasped and her hips began to roll in time with his hand, "Cillian baby." She was in total loss with pleasure. His hand worked her fast, his lips still attached to her lips.

Her phone rang again.

"Answer it." He said against her breast.

"What?" She gasped.

"The phone. Answer it." He said and let her grab her phone before he delved back in.

Her mother was wondering where they were and said she was leaving right now, her voice wavered when her climax was close. Her mother, of course, asked what was wrong but Gab said it was nothing and it was just the walk to the car. She was glad the conversation ended and she hung up the phone just as she cried out his name and came on his hand, "Such a bastard." She panted when he took his hand out and cleaned his fingers.

"You love it." He said and kissed her fiercely.

She giggled and couldn't disagree. But it was time to go. She took her bags she would take back home and prayed he would be able to stay the night there, it would make it easier for when she would come back from work and they could head out right away.

Cillian packed a bag for the days he would be away and stuffed them into her car and got in. She hooked her phone up and played a playlist they both made together and listened and sang. They arrived at the ferry and she parked in the car-park, "We'll have to catch the ferry across. But we got like a spare car that's left on the island."

"Wow... I forgot you lived on an island. That's cool." He pulled out the bags and they hopped on to the ferry that had just arrived. "What's the place called?"

"Scotlands Island." She said with a soft giggle.

"Interesting." He smiled and pulled her close.

Once across she got into the car but felt anxiety hit her, "I want you to know if you don't feel comfortable or happy, tell me or I don't know... Tug my pants or something to indicate it." She turned to him.

"I'm sure I will be okay, my love. Do not worry. Nothing will come between us." He leaned across and kissed her deeply.

"I hope so." She whispered.

He cupped her face, "I love you. And that's that. Nothing will stop me from loving you. Nothing."

She stared deeply into his eyes and nodded, "I love you. Okay. I know." She smiled and kissed him again, "Let's go, baby."

It was not even a minute when they circled the island and came to a beautiful modern, two-story house. It had a huge balcony and she could already see her family sitting outside and talking as she drove up the driveway. "Fuck I think... Oh my god, they even invited Teta and Tetak and my cousins..." She muttered as she parked the car.

"Who?" Cillian asked.

"Aunty and Uncle." She pressed her forehead to the steering wheel and sighed heavily.

"Come on love. We got this." He squeezed her thigh.

"We got this." She repeated and got out.

"Heyyyy! Gabrijela is here!" One of her cousins, David yelled out from the balcony. "Finally!"

She rolled her eyes and grinned up at him as she walked with Cillian to the door, bags in tow. It opened to reveal her mother who was smiling.

"Gabrijela. Good to see you." She hugged her daughter.

"Good to see you too, Mama," Gab replied as she stepped back.

"This is Cillian?" Her mother asked as she glanced at the man beside her.

"Yeah. Cillian, meet my mother, Liljana. Mama meet Cillian, my boyfriend." She said with no hint of fear, just confidence and truth.

"Lovely to meet you, come in, come in."

"Lovely to meet you too. I am happy to see you finally." Cillian smiled as he exchanged cheek kissing with her.

They entered the home. It was modern and had a short narrow hallway with high ceilings, it opened up to a living room that leads to the backyard, there were rooms and a set of polished wooden stairs that lead up to the second level.

"Mama I just need to drop these bags off then I'll come right out," Gabrijela said.

"Okay. Dad hasn't finished yet since he only just started." She smiled.

Gabrijela took Cillian through another big living room that had a kitchen attached to it. Her room was the furthest from the hustle and bustle and had a wonderful view of the water and beyond. She had wooden floors with a huge fluffy carpet under the low double bed. The walls were off white but were decorated with photos of the many birds he remembered she had shown.

But the first thing he noticed was a big birdcage in her room with a colourful parrot inside who was silently watching them.

"My god, is this the macaw you told me about?" He asked once he set the bag down and came to the cage.

"Yep. My little precious boy, Lucien." She giggled and came over and popped open the cage and let him out, "Say hello to Cillian." Gab smirked.

The parrot repeated 'Hello Cillian' and Cillian's eyes widened, "No way! Wow, you are a clever boy. I wonder who taught you." He slowly reached out a hand and touched him. "Silky."

She giggled, "He's my baby. Wait till you see the aviary." Gab said as she let the bird roam on top of the cage. She went to her bags and took out the dress and hung it up in the small walk-in wardrobe and left the pair to bond. When she came out Cillian was holding the Harlequin Macaw on his arm and continued to pet him.

"I'm taking him out to the balcony. He'll be our fighter," She smiled as she let Lucian sit on her shoulder.

"He won't fly away?" Cillian tilted his head to the side.

"He's flight trained and knows to come back if he does." She held his hand, "Doesn't panic over loud noises and all that."

"That is awesome." He squeezed her hand.

She took in a breath and walked with him out to the balcony, Croatian music was playing, the younger babies were in a pen and the older toddlers played with them but their keen-eyed parents watched them.

Then it was time to meet and greet, hug and kiss each other's cheeks and Gabrijela introducing Cillian to everyone before she was able to sit down. She had to do the whole 'explain how you two met' when Cillian was dragged away by Leo and her other two older brothers and her cousins.

Gab looked at him but he smiled and leaned down, giving her deep but quick kiss, "I'll be fine, my love." He touched her cheek gently.

"Okay. I love you." She said with a shy smile.

"I love you too." He said and kissed her again and walked off, a Corona in his hand.

Tatiana, who was beside her, wiggled her brows. Gab was probably the closest with her, "He is very handsome. Those eyes!" She gasped.

"I know. I can't get over how beautiful they are." She looked over and saw they were introducing him to her father. She frowned. "I should be there."

"Oh, don't worry. I made sure Leo would be a gentleman and if he ever screws up tonight he'll get a good lecture." Tatiana nodded.

"I hope the others do the same," Gab said and scratched her birds head, he could sense when she was uneasy.

Gabrijela continued to chat with the girls at the table, her mother watched her and listened to her explain this and that, until it came to sex...

"Of course we do. Why wouldn't we?" Gab cocked a brow when Carmen asked the question.

"And... You're fine with that? With... Him?" Carmen asked and Gabrijela knew that tone was scolding and trying to make it seem that having sex with an older man was disgusting.

"Yes. He's my boyfriend. He treats me good. You seem bothered, what for?" Gabrijela felt her nerves spike and she stared hard at Carmen. No one really liked her, she was barely ever around since she was a flight attendant and no one knew why David was still with her. She had a major attitude and always made any type of gathering or celebration about her.

"You use protection, Gabrijela?" Her mother asked finally.

"Of course we do. He was the one that wanted to and I the same. He's a good man, respects me and my boundaries and has never once made me upset. I love him and he loves me. Nothing will change that." Gabrijela stated and watched Carmen roll her eyes.

"Have you met his family?" Ema asked she was Antonio's wife. She was soft-spoken but wonderfully kind.

"Yeah, I have. He's the eldest, he's got a brother and two sisters. All have kids and are married. His family is absolutely lovely, I spent Christmas and New Year's there. I was gifted by his mother with that throw, scarf and the cookbook." Gab smiled softly. She cherished those gifts and couldn't wait to snuggle in that throw when it was winter.

"I want to know now that you said his siblings are married, has he been married before?" Carmen asked.

Gabrijela glanced at her mother who also seemed worried about that fact. "No. He did have someone some time back but he's been on his own before he met me. How is this relevant? Does it matter whether he was or wasn't?" What the fuck.

"Of course it does," Her mother cut in, "I do not want my daughter with someone who's a divorcee or had an unclear past. You know my opinion on this, Gabrijela."

"He's never been married, Mama. Only had a girlfriend who he didn't want a life with. He's a good man, why can't you see this?" Gab frowned. She was not going to let her mother or Carmen trample on her man.

Her mother was about to reply when the boys all returned, carrying over platers of food and set them on the table. Kids were seated in their seats before food was passed around and light chatter was made.

Gab could see her father who had a hard look in his eyes and watched Cillian occasionally, as well as her brothers and cousins. She really couldn't handle this 'male' aggro vibe that they were throwing towards Cillian. "What would you like, my love?" Gab took his plate and smiled.

"Bit of everything?" He placed his hand on her thigh, "Not too much though."

She was glad he was back at her side, his presence made her feel at ease right away. She filled his plate with the various things that were laid out and he did the same for her. Everyone dug in, the kids were chatting away and music continued to play.

Yet Gabrijela did not feel that light, cheery vibe. She felt like she was on a war field, afraid if she stepped anywhere a mine would blow up. But if that meant that she should take that risk and defend her man... She would. She would not let Cillian be attacked because some opinions could not be let go. It broke her heart.

The questions began to flow towards Cillian, simple yet curious questions such as:

Where did you go to school?

What is your family like?

Where do you live?

What work do you do? And when he explained more questions further on those answers.

Gabrijela was shit scared as he answered with ease. He did not back away or look uncomfortable. He was happy to answer the questions thrown at him, though he was still a little awkward and made jokes which to her surprise her family laughed. Though he was clear he wasn't up for any political debates or give his views on certain things. Her father seemed to not like it and began to complain and mention how people shouldn't be afraid or weak when it came to speaking your thoughts.

"I understand that but some opinions can hurt people. I do not think unnecessary talking of views or anything of the like should be done. Only if it comes to it and is to do with the current situation." Cillian replied with a cool demeanour.

Her father tried to counter it but her mother hushed him and spoke to him in Croatian. Then shook her head and looked back at Cillian, "I'd like to know one thing though as I am a concerned mother."

"Of course. Go ahead." Cillian said. Gabrijela slid her hand on to his thigh and he placed his hand over hers.

"Gabrijela mentioned you have siblings and that they are married... May I ask why you are not married?" Liljana asked and all eyes were on Cillian.

Gabrijela was panicking inside and gripped his thigh tightly. Her mother had a real nerve and she was pissed.

"I never found the one. I dated a woman quite some time ago and after that didn't work out I dated on and off. Work takes up half the year or more and when I do get time off I spend that time up at Cork with my family. I've learned that there are people out there who are not who they say they are and I have been screwed over from those people to many times to fully settle down." Cillian replied.

"And what makes Gabrijela different?" Leo asked, his face set serious.

Cillian glanced down at Gab, seeing the fear in her eyes and reached up to touch her face, "She is unlike any woman I've met. She has been nothing but real and truthful towards me the moment we met on set. She has such a big heart, her kindness shines so brightly in her eyes. She is mature, she knows her things, she is also playful and keeps me on my feet. We can talk for hours on end without boring each other...." He was smiling wide, the corners of his eyes crinkled, "I love her. And only her. I cannot see my life or future without her in it."

Gabrijela's heart swelled once more and it was like how she felt when she first fell in love with him. Warm, bright and happy. To be honest, she felt like that all day every day with him.

"What kind of future with her? Marriage?" Her father was the one who spoke.

Someone scoffed and Gab looked over and saw Carmen shaking her head a little.

"It is something we will discuss when we are both ready. But I can assure you, everyone here, I will not hurt her, I will not be unfaithful, I will care for her through and through. I know you are concerned about the age difference, but please, see past it. I love her. I really do love her and to have your blessing and understanding, it will mean so, so, so much. My parents had the same concern, and I understand it, but I am in no way here to use your daughter. Only spent every waking moment with her." Cillian ended it, looking directly at her parents and waiting for their reply.

Gab watched them too, their expression was unreadable.

"If what you say is true, then I give you my blessing. But know this, if you ever, ever hurt my little girl, you will regret it. I promise you that." Her father had a hard look but she could see he would let them be.

"Understood." Cillian nodded and looked at Gabrijela, squeezing her hand.

Gab needed to step away from the table and stood, "I'll um.. Clear the table." She said as she took plates and all that. Cillian automatically stood to help her, and after two or three rounds they stayed in the kitchen and was cleaning up the dishes.

"Gab? Are you okay?" Cillian asked as they stacked the dishes up in the dishwasher.

"I feel like... I don't know. I was... I was scared, Cillian. But fuck... You did so well. I-I thought you might've hated it-"

He took her hand once she shut the door to the machine, "I wasn't too fond of answering the questions but I did it so they could know who I am. If I plan to keep you forever, I gotta let them know who I am. I'm fine, my love. Really. It was intense, I must admit but... I think it went well." He pulled her close to his body, his arms loosely around her waist.

"You sure?" She whispered.

"Very. Now, let me kiss you. You look like you need one." Cillian smiled and leaned in and kissed her deeply.

Her hands slid up to his shoulders as she opened her mouth for him, losing herself into the passionate kiss.

Cillian loved kissing her like this, she tasted sweet from the lemon-lime and bitters she just drank, her fingers tightened in his hair as he heard a soft moan escape her.

"Wow, you two need a room!" Tatiana laughed as she came into the kitchen with Leah behind her who gave a light laugh.

The pair let go of each other and Gab blushed darkly, "Shut up."

"No! God, I wished Leo would kiss me like that. Fuck." Tatiana sighed with a shake of her head.

"Dom just gives me pecks." Leah pouted cutely.

"I can see you two share something special, and it's cute to see that." Tatiana smiled, watching how Cillian stuck close to Gab, "Despite what those oldies out there say, you two are good for each other."

Gabrijela smiled.

"I agree with Tati." Leah agreed.

"Thanks, girlies. I appreciate it a lot. Like, really. But I am glad Dad gave us his blessing. It makes things a little easier for me." Gab said.

"Just be who you are. Don't change yourself just because someone else doesn't like it." Tatiana told Gabrijela as she refilled her glass.

"Always. Thanks, Tatiana." Gab said and the two girls left them be.

"Ready to go back out?" Gab looked up at Cillian who watched her with love.

"Yeah. I am." He leaned down and kissed her deeply again.

"Damn you. You know I like that and that it turns me on." She hit his chest and he laughed.

"I have to put you in a good mood somehow." He nipped her bottom lip and she rolled her eyes and got Lucien back on to her shoulder.

"Bastard." She muttered and they headed back out.

The conversation was light around the table, Cillian was holding a steady conversation with Ante and it seemed they had similar bands they liked and were excitedly talking about it. Gab's brothers and cousins chimed into the conversation and it seemed they were liking him a lot, they were laughing and joking around. The air was looser and easy. The night wore on and Tatiana had gone to put her baby to sleep and when she came back it was time for Dom and Leah to head home to as well as her aunt and uncle and her cousins.

Everyone seemed to like Cillian a lot, he was extremely friendly and kind and had some time with the babies and kids. The younger ones loved him as he played with them and was just... Carefree. Cillian showed care and affection towards Gabrijela and made sure to make her laugh the whole night, he made sure she was okay when she was with the girls and he was with the boys and always looked over to see if she was holding up.

Gabrijela would cherish that moment when Cillian lifted up Luca, Leah's one-year-old son who was crying and fussing and had eased him into sleep in no time. He held the boy with such care in his arms as he rocked him before he handed him back to his parents. Cillian would be the most perfect father, she thought. She was glad she was keeping the baby.

She couldn't wait for it to be here.

Everyone said their farewells and her parents, Leo and Tatiana headed back to the balcony. They gathered on the outdoor lounge, Gabrijela watched as her father took Cillian aside and headed to the backyard along with her brother.

"I do hope they won't eat him alive." Gab murmured to Tatiana who laughed. Her mother was inside making tea.

"I'm sure they are doing manly things. Your father might show off the house." Tatiana mused.

"Maybe." Gab sighed and stroked her bird who was falling asleep in her lap. "I hope they will let him stay with me tonight. I don't think I could handle it being alone."

Tatiana giggled, "You got your bird to snuggle with."

"Not the same!" Gabrijela whined.

"Yeah true. Birds can't give you pleasure." She wiggled her eyebrows at her. "Now that we are alone, tell me how he is in bed."

She rolled her eyes but sighed with a smile, "He's very good. Nothing like anyone I've been with. He works me out to exhaustion." She blushed brightly.

"Really? I would think of it the other way around." Tatiana teased.

"Oh, sometimes it can happen but that is only if he lets me. Which is rare. He likes to take control." She mused.

"How often?" Tatiana continued, leaning forward. "Favourite position?"

"Tatiana! My god." Gab shook her head, "Jeez... Since his arrival its been every day, maybe twice a day. I like to uhm... I like to see his face. See the emotion." She whispered, getting all shy about it. "That's all you get." She grumbled.

"Damn. You two are like rabbits." She laughed softly before she settled down and watched her closely. Tatiana had been doing that all night.

"Now what is it?" Gab raised a brow.

"I just... I dunno. I see something in you." She said softly.

"Yeah? Like what?" She was confused as to what she was saying.

Tatiana came over and sat beside her, looking her up and down. Then placed her hand on the side of Gab's neck then grabbed her breasts and gaze them a good squeeze.

"Ow! That hurts like shit! What are you doing?" She battered her hands away.

"You're pregnant." She said without hesitation.

"What?! No! I am not. What the fuck..." She felt a spike of fear run through her and frowned.

"Don't lie. I can see it. You look heaps tired, you look more fuller and your tits are sensitive. I didn't even squeeze them that hard." Tatiana whispered.

Gab glanced away, her bird was nibbling on her fingers gently.

"You know you can trust me with this. I'm here for you. Does he know?" Tatiana touched her shoulder.

"He does." Her smile was soft, "He's over the moon about it. We've already talked about how he will support me when he isn't here."

"Like?" Tatiana saw the glow in her sister-in-law's eyes, she was truly happy. Unafraid.

"He'll send me money to help with any doctor fees. Weekly. I'm not far along but I will guess November it'll be due. When I get a better number, Cillian will make sure to fly over here to be here."

Tatiana smiled wide, "You really did find someone special, huh?"

Gab looked at her, "Yeah. I did. I... There are no words to explain my love for him, Tatiana."

"Don't need to. I can see it. So, when do you think you'll tell mum and dad?"

"Probably next week after we come back from our camping trip. I want him here with me when we spill it. I don't fucking know how that's gonna go." She placed her hand on her tummy, "I won't give it up. No matter what."

"I'll help you to. Leah will too." Tatiana said and took her hand gently.

"Thanks. I'll need it." She laughed and heard voices. She looked over and saw her mother bring out a tray of two teas and her father discussing with Cillian about his work and some building thing he was doing. Leo came out and sat with Tatiana, "I think it's time to head to bed." He yawned.

"Aw, baby." Tatiana laughed, "Yeah. I'm tuckered out. I'll see you in the morning." The pair left after they said their goodnight.

Her mother smiled, "We had a good chat with him." She said.

"Yeah?" Gab sipped her tea slowly.

She sighed, "I will always worry for you. Always. I love you. And if you are happy with him, then I will be happy to. Your father is the same."

Gabrijela smiled. That was all that she wanted to hear, "Thank you, Mama. I am very happy." She hugged her.

"Good. Well, I am going to bed. I will see you in the morning." She stood.

"Mama?"

"Yes, darling?" She turned to her.

"You okay with him... Sharing a bed with me?" Gabrijela asked softly.

Her mother seemed to remember it and pursed her lips, "He is your boyfriend... I guess there is no harm with that."

Gabbie grinned, "Thanks, Mama. Goodnight." Her father came out and said goodnight to and then it was just her and Cillian on the couch.

"God, what a night," Gab said as she set her empty cup down.

"Yeah." Cillian smiled. Gab laid back, her head in his lap.

"I'm glad it went fine. Did you like the food?" She asked.

"Oh yeah. It tasted really good." He nodded.

Gab smiled and fell silent, staring at the clear sky. "Tatiana knows." She finally said.

"Know what?" Cillian was stroking her pretty hair which fanned out on his lap.

"That I am pregnant." She laughed at his widened eyes. "No. I didn't tell her. She just knew by squeezing my tits."

"Oh." He laughed lightly. "How'd she take it?"

"Said she was happy and would support me. She wasn't mad."

"That's good. That's one family member down."

They both laughed at that and Gabrijela yawned, "I think we should head to bed. I need to get a good sleep tonight since I have work tomorrow and a long drive ahead."

"Good plan." He finished his tea and went down to grab his stuff from the car when Gabrijela went to her bedroom to take a shower and dress. While she locked up the house he took a shower as well and stayed in his CK's and slid into bed, waiting for her.

She came in and shut the door, covered her bird and slipped into bed beside him. He was on his back and she snuggled close, her head on his chest. "Where were you when my dad and brother took you out?"

"Ah. He um, wanted to talk to me about something. Nothing serious. Just some advice." He ran his fingers down her arm then back up.

"Right. It was some advice, took you so long to come back." She giggled.

"Yeah. But it was alright." Cillian turned his head and kissed her forehead, "I love you."

"I love you too, Cillian Murphy. Goodnight." She whispered and let his soft touches let her drift to sleep.

Cillian watched her fall asleep before he followed her to, their heads close and his nose brushing her forehead, his fingers laced in hers atop his stomach.

[bitionraingang]

Comes Around

Sorry to whoever will be reading this. It sucks, but I love writing!

The Quiett angst/fluff(?)

——————————————————————————

He was no longer coming home. I’ve waited until 5AM walking back and forth, from our room to the front door. At around 5:30AM, I would rest my eyes for 2 hours before having to wake up again to get our 5 year old son, Dong Soo up for Preschool. I called and called. But all I heard was “Please leave voice mail in…” I’ve called in sick for over 2 weeks now. Every footstep I took back into our apartment was dreading. I constantly looked around hoping for him to magically pop out of a corner, with a big smile, apologizing, saying he was busy. But no. It never happened.

Joonkyung came over a couple of times. Though he was closer to Dong Gab than me, he felt that it was right that I knew. He’s been seeing some girls. Girls who weren’t moms. Girls who weren’t wives. Girls who he felt a thrill to be with because he was taken. He didn’t want to be taken anymore. He didn’t want to be responsible. He wanted his life motto to be “fuck bitches, get money” again. Joonkyung had been a great support for me and a great role model for Dong Soo. I was happy that at least I had a friend who truly cared.

I no longer cried. I no longer sighed. I no longer waited. I was happy. 5 years ago, on the day that I sent Dong Gab our divorce papers, he came back home. He was crying. He only cried 5 times in his life. Once when he was born, second when I said I wanted to break up after dating for 2 years, third when I said yes to his proposal, fourth when I gave birth to Dong Soo, and finally, the fifth when he came back home. He said he was stupid. He begged me to forgive him. But my heart was as hard as a stone. I said no. I waited 6 months for him to come back. But now, I won’t. I was willing to give him the freedom that he wanted from me, from us. But why? Why didn’t he want it now? I didn’t understand. So that night, I did what I gave up on a long time ago. I called my supervisor, asking if I can repeal my decision about the transfer opportunity I was offered. I initially had said no because as a mother and as a wife, I had a duty here. Here in our home, or what was our home. I could not just leave everything or force the other two to leave everything in order for me to move forward with my career. But now, I had nothing holding me back. Leaving Dong Gab in tears trying to envelope my body into his, with all my strength I tightly held onto Dong Soo in my arms and forced off Dong Gab off and went into the taxi. I wanted to cry too because I was scared, but now I had no shoulders to lean on. I had to become the shoulder for our, no, my Dong Soo.

Looking out into the night sky, I took the last sip of my Rosé. I felt peaceful. I felt content. But was I truly happy? The arms wrapped around my waist felt so warm. He had fought so hard to be here. I taught Sociology and he taught Law at Columbia University. I did not want to be in a relationship with anyone after Dong Gab, but Jintae had slowly crawled with warmth into my heart. He pecked my neck, tickling me with his facial hair. I giggled and turned around to face him, his arms still wrapped around me. I gave him a big smile and leaned in to give a peck on his neck.

“What’s keeping you up?” he asked.

“I’ve just been thinking.” I replied.

“Bout?” I could feel his voice rumbling in his chest.

Of course I couldn’t tell him what I had been really thinking about. We were almost like a married couple. We lived together for almost 3 years now and even adopted a dog with Dong Soo.

“Let’s go back to bed, I’m tired.” I pulled him towards our bedroom, trying to change the subject.

“Okay,” he never said no to me. Whatever I wanted, we would do.

I laid down towards his side of the bed so I can cuddle to his warmth. He was always warm. So it always had me wondering, would his warmth eventually cool down as well? I haven’t thought of Dong Gab since I moved back to New York. Everything was just so hectic. The explaining I had to do to my parents, friends, getting ready for a new job, taking care of my 5 year old son… it was a lot to deal with at first. Now that I think about it, I had left my home in New York to get married to Dong Gab and 5 years later I’m back, leaving what I thought became my home to get away from Dong Gab.

I loved waking up to the sounds of Jintae and Dong Soo laughing. Jintae took care of Dong Soo as if he was his. It was quite amazing to see the type of bond they have. Their relationship was more about being a father and son. It’s almost as if they were soulmates who understood each other 100% (which sometimes made me jealous). I walked out of my bedroom towards the sounds of laughter in the kitchen. There they were, my two most important people at the moment, laughing over nothing, just making pancakes. Quickly walking towards Dong Soo, I grabbed his cheeks and gave him a big smooch. My big boy who was 10 now still loved my kisses. With his bright eyes, he looked up smiling and said,

“Mommy sit down, we’re making you breakfast with the new recipe we got from Desert Master.”

It was their thing. To watch Desert Master, find a new recipe, and make it for me. Suddenly, Dong Soo said he left an important note for us from school in his room. I lightly tapped his cute bottom so he would go get it and show me. I looked up at Jintae who had been looking at me with a huge grin ever since I walked out of my bedroom. I walked towards him and gave him a hug from the back. I stood there for about a minute, just breathing in his scent.

“Good morning,” I mumbled.

“Good morning. You get more and more breathtaking each day my queen” he replied with a sly smile.

“Stop it” I groaned and reached up to peck his lips.

He snapped around to grab my chin up towards him and gave me more than a peck. I was laughing into the kiss, trying to shake him off before Dong Soo got back. Me trying to break away would only cause him to tighten his grip on my chin. Just as we could hear Dong Soo loudly explaining the reason for the letter, we broke away. I was going to turn to Dong Soo as Jintae held me back and whispered into my ear,

“I’ve been waiting for so long. That was only the beginning. Be ready for tonight.”

With rosy cheeks I looked at Jintae and elbowed his side. We haven’t had sex in over a month because of Dong Soo starting middle school in September and us, preparing the syllabi for our own classes in the Fall. So I guess, I was craving him too.

After having somewhat burnt yet, delicious pancakes for breakfast, I made my way to the bathroom to get ready for a quick check in meeting with the Sociology Department head in a few hours. Dong Soo was in the living room watching Stranger Things 5 on Netflix and Jintae was sitting on the closed toilet next to the mirror which I was standing in front of.

“So what was it you’re exactly doing with her today?” He asked.

“We’re just going over the syllabus and talking about the class structure for the year because you know who fucked up last year.” I replied.

The last semester, a colleague of mine had sexual relationships with multiple students in his class and was teaching anything, but Sociology during his lecture. So at the start of a new semester, the Department Head wanted to meet up with every single professor in her department to make sure nothing like that ever happens again.

“Right… Sociology people are so weird.” He said trying to tease me.

“Yeah, but you’re in Law you doodoo head.” I snapped back at him.

“Yeah, but you love this doodoo head.” He said while laughing.

As I closed my foundation cap, I looked at him in the eyes and said,

“Do I?” And walked out of the bathroom.

Jintae just smiled at me as he watched me getting dressed.

“Can you stop staring and smiling at me like a creep.” I complained.

“I’m just so excited for tonight. I can’t help it.” He replied.

Saying goodbye, I walked into the elevator. 34 floors later, I was out, walking the streets of New York City. The weather was still warm though it was late august. I had a good amount of time before my interview so I decided to walk instead of taking the train. Columbia was just 30 blocks away from my apartment so it wasn’t that bad.

15 minutes into my walk, Spotify just happened to turn on a song with a familiar voice. I guess it was his new album or something. After leaving Korea, I made sure to block him out of my life in any way possible by getting rid of social media and mutual friends. I was contemplating whether or not I should skip the music, but I realized it wasn’t his usual upbeat kind of song. Without the song even starting yet, it seemed to have a deep and heavy feeling to it. I turned to look at the title and it was “All These Girls.” Feeling my throat tightening I quickly skipped the song. Just another song about women. Even after all that has happened with his ex-wife, he still felt comfortable enough to fuck other bitches? I guess I really meant nothing to him. Tears were about to escape my eyes, still broken over what happened. But I was stronger now. I can’t let this affect my life. So with stronger strides, I walked towards the university.

After about 30 minutes, I was finally in front of the main entrance. I smiled at the security guard and made my way to the Sociology department. And just so happens that Dong Gab was there. I could feel my eyes go wide as I saw him from afar. Just as he was about to turn towards my direction, I quickly ran past him and beeped myself in. Why was here? Was here to hook up with some college girls? Was he here to filming something? I took out my phone and did something I haven’t done in over 5 years now. I looked up his name on Google. The first thing that popped was: “Illionaire Records The Quiett becomes Professor Shin.”

It felt very suffocating to hear that. Here I was sitting on a bench right in front of the Department Office just contemplating whether or not I should quit. In the article, apparently they were staying here for half a year to teach the Sociology course on how music affects people. If he were to do that, then obviously we’re going to have to see each other since we’re in the same department. Then he might try to get back into my and Dong Soo’s life. That can’t happen. Alright, so today at my meeting, I’m just gonna tell the Head I can teach this year. And maybe I’ll come back next year. Yeah that’s what I’m going to do becau…

“Excuse me?” Someone asked as they tapped my shoulder.

Too deep in thought, I couldn’t recognize the voice and looked up. Oh shit. Just fuck my life. This is great.

“Y/n? It’s you right? Y/f/n? It’s me, Joonkyung. Remember me?” He asked frantically.

Of course I remember you, you retard. How could I forget. You know what, I’ll just pretend to be someone else and just walk away. I’ll go and tell her right now and just go home and everything will be okay.

“I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person. My name is not Y/n, it’s Audrey.” I replied as calmly as I can.

“Stop lying, I could see right through you. Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get in contact with you for so long.” Joonkyung said with a look of concern and a tight grip on my arms.

Fuck. Is this where it all ends? No, if I tell him to not say anything to Dong Gab, it’ll be okay. Maybe I’ll take him out to dinner or something. Just as long as Dong Gab doesn’t know.

“Sorry, Joonkyung. I just needed to get away from him. And the only way I could do that was by cutting everyone off. But hey, can you not say anything to him? Like we can have dinner or something and I’ll explain everything to you. Just please, please don’t tell him.” I pleaded.

I knew I was begging to the person who was more than a brother to Dong Gab, but this was the most I can do to save myself from going through hell again.

“Alright… just give me your number… I’ll call you. Dong Gab is in the bathroom right now and he should be getting back soon. So hurry up to where you need to be.” He said while glancing behind himself.

I lightly jumped up at the sound of footsteps coming towards us and the voice I no longer wanted to hear saying,

“Joonkyung, the bathroom here is clean so you should go when you can.”

I couldn’t bare to look at the person walking closer so with my head hung low, I swiftly ran into the department office. With the door to my back, I heard his voice mumbling asking Joonkyung who he was with. Letting out a huge sigh, I walked towards the Head’s cubicle.

I had originally asked if I can get the year off due to personal reasons. She says she would’ve said yes to me, but there were already 6 Professors who won’t be in for the first semester because they were due to give birth. So instead she said I can have off for the second semester. Either that or she would take my year leave for an eternal leave from this university. I couldn’t have my job to go away in a snap just because of him. So what did I do? I called Joonkyung.

After waving at Joonkyung through the cafe window, I pressed call.

“Hey babe, when you coming home?”

“Jintae, something came up so I’ll be home a little but later. That’s okay right?” I asked.

“Yeah, just let me know when you’re getting home so I can drop off Dong Soo at Chris’ house.” He replied.

Right… today was going to be our “date night”. I just know I won’t be in the right mind today and I don’t want Jintae to suspect anything…

“Umm… Jintae, I’m really sorry, but I’m very tired from the meeting today. Is it okay if we moved it? I feel like I won’t be in the mood and I don’t want you to feel like it’s because of you.” I said apologetically.

There was an awkward silence for about 30 seconds before I cleared my throat and called his name.

“Oh, yeah. Of course. Just let me know when you’re getting home.” He seemed to reply with a sigh.

“Yeah, I will. Love you.” I said as I hung up.

I walked into the cafe and sat across Joonkyung. He gave me a tight smile and clasped his hands together. After the waitress took our order, I finally looked at him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I said, feeling tears welling up.

“Hey, don’t be sorry. I know why you did that. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything.” He said as he grabbed my hands.

“I just couldn’t take it. I waited for him to realize that he was leaving me, leaving Dong Soo, leaving us. He basically gave up on our family. I gave up everything I had to be with him. Joonkyung, I was 21 when I got married to him. He was 37. I thought he would be the mature guy he was when we were dating. But it seems like the lyrics in his songs were right.” I cried.

“I know, but the lyrics thing was wrong. He always loved you. He still loves you. But I think it was the stress catching up to him.” Joonkyung said carefully.

“He didn’t come home until I was done. You know when he came back? When I sent him the divorce papers.” I said.

“I know. I was there. We were in the studio and I was telling him to go back home to you guys. That he shouldn’t be doing this. Once I brought the papers to him, he jumped up and ran home. He didn’t even take his car. He ran home Y/n. And you know what running means for Dong Gab.” Joonkyung said taking my hand into his.

My chest tightened at that. I still loved him, but there was no way that I would be able to forgive him. I looked up at Joonkyung and said,

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I loved him. I’m pretty sure that I still do, but I don’t want to go through this whole drama with him again.”

“But don’t you want closure? Y/n, think about Dong Soo, doesn’t...” Joonkyung spoke softly.

“Dong Soo doesn’t even remember who he is anymore. Joonkyung, I’ve been with someone for quite some time now. He takes care of my son like he’s his own. Jintae will be more than what Dong Gab can offer.” I said fiercely.

“You’re meeting someone else?” He asked.

“What am I supposed to do? Live like a nun after my failed marriage? Joonkyung, I know you’re doing this because you really care, but right now, I’m happy with the family I have right now. Jintae is amazing to both me and my son. There is nothing more I could ask for than having Dong Gab turn down his position as a professor.” I said.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that to hyung. He’s excited to become a professor here. As much as I love you and care for you, I can’t do that hyung who’s always been there for me” He replied.

I sighed and said, “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that I don't know what to do anymore. My life finally is getting better and here he comes like a storm again. Literally a quiet storm.”

“Hey, but everything happens for a reason. Whether you guys meet again or get back together will be in God’s hands. So don’t try to change fate” Joonkyung said with a warm smile.

After some silence, I asked, “He’s moved on right? I just happened to hear the intro to a song that was recently released, though I didn’t listen to the whole thing, I could tell it was about his girls… you know I was always scared that his lyrics would become true? But I never told him because what if that planted a seed in him to actually go on with that act?”

Joonkyung shaked his head and sighed, “You’ve got it all wrong. ‘All These Girls’? That song is about you. He wrote that in regret. While I was mastering the song he said he hoped that you would listen to the song and come back to him. I told him the title was a bad choice, but he wanted to keep it like that.”

“Well, I saw the title and immediately turned it off because I was mad. Thinking how could he just continue with his actions just like that.” I said.

“You know, you guys are technically still married?” Joonkyung brought up.

“What? What do you mean?” Confused, I looked into his eyes.

“After you guys left, he never signed the papers, he put it in the paper shredder. So you guys are technically still married.” He explained.

It still didn’t make sense to me how when someone was given the freedom they wanted, they didn’t take it. Tears started welling up in my eyes. I lightly gasped, feeling my chest tighten with pain from the situation.

“Y/n, no matter how much you deny it, I can tell, the whole world can tell that you still love Dong Gab.” Joonkyung said as he got up and took a seat next to me. He lightly pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair.

“I just want the best for you both, but I know and even you know that you don’t want it to end like this. Dong gab hyung feels the same way.”

Joonkyung held me in his arms until I could look up without having tears well up in my eyes. After 3 hours of catching up, Joonkyung drove me home.

“Why do you have a Bentley here?” I teased him.

“Hey, a man’s got to be ready to take any of his ladies home.” He said with a smile. We finally pulled up in front of my apartment and I got out of the car. He walked from the driver’s side to the passenger side and pulled me into a hug once again.

“Just think about it okay? Don’t think about anyone else, but yourself. Ask yourself if you want to be with Dong Gab or not.”

I returned the hug and said, “Thanks Joonkyung. I had fun today. Don’t forget to give me a call sometimes.”

We released each other and just smiled under the shining moonlight. As he gave my cheek a friendly peck, I felt a presence right behind me and heard,

“Who is this Y/n?”

“Oh, Jintae. Dong Soo, where you guys coming from?” I asked slightly caught off guard.

“Y/n, I asked who this was.” Jintae said slightly angered from the sight he witnessed. I could see Dong Soo somewhat hiding behind Jintae.

“Oppa, this is Joonkyung oppa. He’s a friend of mine from Korea. He’s always been like an older brother to me and we happened to meet today at school.” I explained.

“Dong Soo, do you remember uncle Joonkyung? He was the first person to take a picture of you when you were born. He also helped feed and change your diapers when you were a baby.” I said waving my hands towards Dong Soo so he could come closer.

I saw the Jintae’s grip on Dong Soo’s hand loosen as Joonkyung stepped closer to see Dong Soo.

“Hey man, you remember me? Wow, you’re almost as tall as me.” Joonkyung laughed.

I was surprised to see Dong Soo jump into his arms. Joonkyung looked equally surprised.

“Uncle, where have you been? I missed you. I missed you and daddy.” Dong Soo cried.

My eyes widen at his words. Did Dong Soo remember them all this time, but I hadn’t said anything. Why hadn’t he said anything? Tears were welling up once again as I saw my crying son being held in the arms of his crying uncle. I couldn’t help but to question if all of my actions were done out of mere selfishness. I came to a realization that I had physically ripped my son that I loved so much from his father whom Dong Soo had loved just as equally. Joonkyung was crying softly murmuring apologies into Dong Soo’s ears. I turned towards Jintae who looked very lost. Thinking back, over the course of years of being with Jintae, I realized I have been trying to fill up Dong Gab’s empty spot with Jintae and have been deceiving myself to think everything was fine. But now, I knew that after today, I would have to clear things up with him.

After all the chaos that happened, Dong Soo was in his bed sleeping while Jintae and I were seated on the couch of our living room. There was silence as we didn’t know how to start the conversation.

“I…” Jintae and I said at the same time.

“You go first.” I said.

“No, you go.” He replied.

Taking a gulp of my own saliva, I started with, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” Jintae asked.

“I think I’ve been deceiving myself to protect myself from getting hurt.” I replied.

“What do you mean?” He asked, his face cringing with a hint of hurt.

“Jintae, I’m really thankful for everything you’ve done, for me and Dong Soo, for everything we’ve gone through, but I don’t think I loved you. There were times where I did feel flutters in my heart, but I think I missed Dong Gab so much that I was trying to replace you in my heart.” I said crying.

With desperation in his voice, Jintae said as he grasped my hand,

“No, baby. You’ve got it wrong. I love you and you love me. We’re gonna get through this. It’s just because you were reminded of your past today and Dong Soo crying like that, that you feel this way.”

“Oppa, I’m sorry, but I don’t love you. I loved the idea that someone else was in love with me even after all that had happened in my life. I know how much it hurts to be in the position of not being loved by the person you love so I think we need to end this here. I don’t want you to be hurt.” I cried as I pulled him into a warm hug.

“But, think about all the things we went through. If you feel like you don’t love me anymore then, think about the times we had love. I can’t let you go like this.” Jintae cried into my hair as he tightened his grip on my waist.

I could only cry along with him because I understood the emotion of pain he was going through. No matter how much I am grateful for Jintae coming into my life, I couldn't deny the fact that I still did love Dong Gab 5 years after we had “broken” up.

I woke up to the sunlight slowly creeping its way into the bedroom. I turned my body away from the window and faced Jintae who was sleeping next to me. After our long talk yesterday, we had decided to break up. So today would be the last day as being a couple. I shifted myself closer to his body and wrapped my arms around him. As I peppered light kisses on his shoulder, I muttered apologies.

“It’s going to make it harder for me to break up with you if you keep doing that.” I heard Jintae say without moving.

I giggled lightly and removed my arms from his body. I sat up and pushed his disheveled hair out of his face.

“I’m sorry oppa.”

“It’s okay, as long as you were honest with me, I’m okay.” He replied, finally opening his eyes.

How was someone able to be so understanding and warm even if they were thrown off the bus? I really didn’t deserve someone as good as him.

I reached down to give a peck on his lips and said,

“Let’s get up and talk with Dong Soo.”

“I thought we’re breaking up, how can you kiss me like that?” Jintae asked with a smile.

“We haven’t broken up yet so I still can.” I replied as I got off the bed.

We ate at a local diner in front of our apartment as we explained the situation to Dong Soo. Dong Soo also shared his part of why he hadn’t said anything about missing his dad, he didn’t want to see me sad after he did once when he was younger. Hand in hand, we walked back to our apartment. Today was the official last day of Jintae, Dong Soo, and I being a family. I had planned to move out of the apartment with Dong Soo, but Jintae said he would because it would make the move easier and make it easier for him to adjust to living alone.

Hot tears dropped to my chin as I watched the scene of Jintae giving Dong Soo a big hug.

“Hey man, make sure you’re always good to your mom. And remember me leaving doesn’t mean that you can’t call me or come see me when you want to. No matter what I’ll always be here for you. Alright?”

“Thank you dad, uncle Jintae you will always be my second dad.” Dong Soo said.

Jintae smiled with tears in his eyes as he faced Dong Soo. He slowly got up to my eye level and pulled me into a hug. I burst out crying once again.

“I’m so sorry oppa.”

“It’s okay, baby, you’re going to be happy. I’ll be happy too okay?” He said as he pulled away from the hug. I placed my hands on his cheeks as I gave him a warm kiss before he could leave. After a chaste make out, we finally pulled away.

“I’ll get going, make sure to keep in contact!” Jintae said as he walked away waving at us.

Dong Soo gave me a side hug as we watched Jintae get into the uber that would take him to his new place.

Dong Soo and I were cuddled up in my bed after Jintae left.

“Honey, did you miss daddy very much?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yes.” Dong Soo answered with a shaky voice, trying hard not to cry.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t know that. We’ll meet daddy soon okay?” I said as I pulled his head towards my chest.

“Thank you mommy.” He replied as we fell into a 3 hour nap.

It has been 3 days since Jintae left and we were doing fine. With deep breaths I pressed the button to give Joonkyung a call.

“Hello? Y/n?” He picked up.

“Hey, oppa. Can we meet up?” I asked.

In less than 30 minutes, Joonkyung was outside waiting for Dong Soo and I by the passenger side of his Bentley.

“Sorry, we didn’t have enough time to get ready when you said you’ll be here in 20 minutes.” I said.

“No, mommy it was just you. I was done in like 5 minutes, you took the extra time.” Dong Soo said wittly.

Joonkyung laughed as he gave Dong Soo a hug and proceeded to give me one while placing a peck on my cheeks. We all got into the car and went off to our destination for some late lunch.

After placing our orders Dong Soo was off to the kids play section. Joonkyung looked up at me with anticipation and said,

“So, what’s up? I had to lie to Dong Gab hyung to come meet you.”

“Well, first, Jintae and I broke it off.” I said and proceeded to explain everything that had happened after he left that night.

“I mean, I’m happy that you’re happy, but does that mean you’re going to meet Dong Gab hyung now?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully.

“I know we have to meet for the sake of Dong Soo, but I don’t know if things can ever be the same again. I still love him, but I don't know if I’m ready to go back into a relationship with him.”

“I think that’s fine. You don’t have to push yourself to get into a relationship with hyung, but you should clear up things with him for the sake of your son. He misses you and Dong Soo a lot.” He answered.

“But, I also don’t know how and where to get started with him. It’s been such a long time. I don’t even remember his phone number anymore.” I said.

“I guess it was a great idea for me to actually calling him to come here. Sorry, but before I left, I told him to meet me here. He thinks I’m grabbing lunch with him, but little does his know…”

“You called him here? Joonkyung, what if I called you to say I don’t want to meet him anymore? How could you do that?” I asked.

“I already knew where your heart stood after that night. I just wanted you to sort it out first and then let me know. You better thank me for this later on.” He said with a smile.

It was any minute that Dong Gab was going to walk through that door. Joonkyung gave my hand a squeeze as he knew how nervous I was becoming. Then we heard a ding as the door opened, indicating someone walked in.

“He’s here. Hyung!” Joonkyung said as he gave my hand another squeeze.

“Sorry I’m late, there was traffic on the way here. Oh, didn’t know you had company.” I heard Dong Gab say. My back was facing towards the door so all I heard was his voice. He sounded the same from 5 years ago. I couldn’t help, but wonder how he looked now.

“Hello, I’m Dong Gab, I didn’t know Joonkyung had company.” He said.

I saw Joonkyung smile a little and look up at Dong Gab.

“Hyung, don’t be too shocked.’ Joonkyung said as he signaled me towards Dong Gab with his chin.

I slowly turned to face Dong Gab, I could see his face change from a nonchalant look to a look of surprise as he realized who I was.

“Hey.” I said with a tight smile. Tears were brimming up in the lines of his eyes and he took a deep breath and pulled me into a hug. I didn’t have the courage to return the hug, but I softly sobbed in his arms. All sorts of emotions ranging from happiness to sadness to anger poured out.

I could hear Dong Gab sobbing as he buried his head in the crook of my neck.

“I’m sorry Y/n. I’m so sorry. Baby, please forgive me for everything. I missed you so much. Baby I’m sorry.”

“Daddy?” a soft voice called.

Dong Gab slightly released me from his arms and turned towards the soft voice.

“Soo, baby. My baby. Daddy is so sorry. I missed you so much baby. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Dong Gab cried as he reached down to pull Dong Soo into a tight hug. I could only cry as this scene played out in front of me. Joonkyung got up from his seat and pulled me into his embrace. After everyone had calmed down, we all took our seats to eat. I watched Dong Soo eat happily as he told his dad everything that went on for the past 5 years. I couldn’t eat as I was still overwhelmed with the situation and just watched the two happily conversing. From time to time Dong Gab would look up at me with sad eyes. Joonkyung lightly elbowed me so I would eat and I just gave a small smile back. After lunch, Joonkyung proposed to take Dong Soo on a shopping spree “to make up for the lost years” so that Dong Gab and I would have some time alone.

We were seated side by side on a bench at Central Park. There were children running around with their parents, couples strolling in the sun’s gaze, tourists on horse carriages. Everyone seemed content with the beautiful weather and situation except for us. We were still caught up in the past, not knowing where to start.

“I know I don’t deserve to say this, but I’m sorry and I missed you. A lot.” He said.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Went my heart. It was no lie that I still loved Dong Gab. But will I be able to forgive him was the question. I heard him shift closer to me and I just sighed looking up to the sky.

“I know saying sorry won’t fix anything, but I don’t know how else to express myself.” He said.

“After Dong Soo and I left, I cut off all social media and contact with anyone that had connections with you. I didn’t want to be reminded of you in any way. You know, I waited. No, we waited 6 months for you to come back. I know it must’ve been hard for you to be tied down after long years of being so free. So that’s why I waited. Because I knew you didn’t mean it. But when my river of hope was brought to a drought, I couldn’t do it anymore. Dong Gab, I was 21 when I got married to you. You were 37. I left my home in New York to get married to you and there I was, 5 years later I’m back, leaving what I thought became my home in order to get away from the very reason to why I came.” I started.

“I know. And I will never be able to forgive myself for hurting you.” He interjected while grabbing my hand.

Holding in my tears, I said, “I didn’t understand why you left and then tried to come back when I gave you your freedom. That’s why I’ve been mad. I was sad and upset about you cheating, but more mad about the fact that you came crying when you finally got what you asked for. Dong Gab, did you even love me? Or did the thought of someone leaving you make you want to come back?”

“Y/n, I’ve loved you since the very first time I laid my eyes on you. When I saw you get into that white G-Wagon on that day, I knew that I needed to have you. I still love you. I know I hurt you to the point where it’s indescribable I don’t fully understand why I did that. I think it was because I knew or felt like you would always be there for me to return to. But after seeing the divorce papers, I knew I fucked up. I couldn’t do anything to turn you around. I’m sorry Y/n. He cried.

“After I moved here, there was a man. He taught me to love and be loved again. We were so happy. He was so good to Dong Soo, treating him like his own son. Jintae loved Dong Soo and I so much that he let us go back to you oppa.” I said finally returning the grip he had on my hand. Shocked, Dong Gab lifted his head, face red from crying. I slowly let the tears drip down to my cheeks as I pulled his face closer to mine.

“Meeting Joonkyung reminded me of how I have yet to learn to unlove you. I hate you for everything you’ve done, but my love for you is so much bigger than that.” I said before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

I slowly pulled away, as he kept pushing in, almost as if he didn’t want to move away from my warm lips. We smiled at each other with tears brimming once again. He said, “I love you” before cupping my cheeks and pulling me into another warm, deep kiss.

[purplesurveys]

734

How was your Halloween? It was a lot of fun - Rita’s sister Torta invited us to her school’s college Halloween party so my orgmates and I planned a whole day/overnight stay at their place. I was Dora, Rita was Kuzco, Tina was Waldo, Blanch was Velma, Jum was Wednesday Addams, but I’ve forgotten what Laurice went as and I still can’t remember even when I’m looking at our old photos rn. The idea of going to Rita’s super exclusive super rich super old money village seemed a bit scary in the beginning skfkfhfg but she made us feel right at home immediately. When was the last time you skipped school? The one time I had to skip class because I was too late to enter anyway was for my PE class lasssst March, I’m guessing? It was either late Feb or early March. What color was the first pet you had? Orange. Have you ever had fake nails? No but I’ve lowkey been fascinated with them lately because of Kylie Jenner loooooool and want to try going to a nail salon to get fake nails. Like at least just for a day or two, just to get a verdict on them. How many vacations have you been on? We’ve had too many to count. I can try counting them but I’ll most likely miss several vacations... I’d say it’s in the 20-30 range, considering when my family started vacationing regularly and the fact that we travel 2-3 times a year.

Have you ever fallen asleep on the phone with the person you like? Yeah, until recently when I stopped having load to call her this is how I’d usually fall asleep. The white noise is soothing. Do you own/want a snuggie? Again, nope. When was the last time you went to a concert? August 2018. The show was actually scheduled for February 2018, but Hayley Williams got like a throat infection and it had to be moved. Which thankfully it was, because we only would have gotten older songs if the Feb show pushed through. Paramore didn’t release After Laughter till May that year. What did you do today? I consoled my girlfriend after she received some bad news, had a big brunch to celebrate my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary, played Duolingo for a couple of hours, and now I’m helping Gab make a script in Tagalog heh. Do you know anyone who is a total health freak? I dunno anyone who’s an absolute health freak but I have a couple of friends who will order salads and smoothies from time to time. Who was the last person you met? The last new person I met was the eye doctor I had for my appointment. Would you rather save your best friend or your mother from dying? Hate these questions. What color is your mousepad? I haven’t used a mouse since high school. What was your favorite year of high school? Junior year was a lot of fun. It was the first time my circle of friends started to really grow and I finally felt like I belonged somewhere and I was just generally happier that school year. Current favorite song? Don’t have one at the moment. I’m super detached from music these days. Ever had a teacher call on you when they know you're not paying attention? Yeah just once, in Grade 4. I was in the middle of telling a joke and Katreen and I were snickering pretty distractingly at the back, so we rightfully got called out on it. After that I never wanted to not pay attention in class. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive. You have people thinking you’re dead, you’re locked in a coffin, in total darkness, and surrounded by worms and other creepy crawlies that live underground. I can’t think of a scarier, more claustrophobic scenario lol. Do you wear makeup every day? The complete opposite. Tell me about your boyfriend/girlfriend? :) She writes very well and I love her poems the most; she has an amazing radar for excellent TV series and films and is always accurate about which ones are bound for the Emmys/Oscars; she has random hobbies that pop up from time to time, including mastering the balisong and crocheting; she really loves Italian and Spanish food; and she can sometimes have an explosive temper. Have you ever gone to the ER for something that could have killed you? I didn’t have to be rushed to the ER for it but a low number of platelets isn’t absolutely fatal, as far as I know. All I remember is that I had a 40ºC fever but weirdly enough I felt very well, like I was able to walk myself to the school clinic and make jokes to my mom about going to the mall instead of resting. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Yes, but shush. I really don’t feel like working on my thesis anytime soon. Do you like pulling all nighters just because? I don’t pull all nighters exactly but yeah, ‘just because’ is pretty much my reason for wanting to stay up till 3 or 4 AM most nights. Have you ever lived out of your car? No but I’ve done something that reminds me of it. In my first and second years of college when I didn’t have friends to see or places to hang at yet, I would stay in my car for all my naps, lunch breaks, class breaks, crying sessions, etc. How many closets are in your house? We have one in every bedroom, so that makes it four. Does your family own more than two houses? I wouldn’t say that. We have this house, and even though my mom still helps my grandma in paying for our old house, it’s wrong to claim it as ours. Have you ever eaten at Olive Garden? No...I don’t think I would be interested if given the chance either. Does your family vote on a lot of things? Not really. My dad has worked abroad for 20 years so he’s incredibly detached from national politics; my siblings are still too young for voter’s registration; and my mom only started voting again recently because I encouraged her to. Before the 2016 elections the last time she voted was back in 1992 if I remember right. Would you marry someone who could never have sex, for medical reasons? I’d be like 23% bummed but I imagine getting over it quickly and easily, so yes. I don’t really actively seek sex and I’m demi anyway, which is under the ace umbrella. What about someone who was guaranteed to die in five years? It’s gonna feel like the Hang the DJ episode of Black Mirror lmao but if our relationship proved to be very strong, then I would. Did you see Paranormal Activity? Yesssssss that was so much fun haha. I’m terrible with jump scares though so I haven’t seen the ending where she [spoiler alert] lunges towards the camera. Who was the last person you texted? I texted a promo code for my service provider hah. I don’t text anyone these days. Do you have a protective father/older brother? Yeah, my dad. Do you go out every weekend? Nope, I don’t really prefer to. My weekdays are usually very busy that I just want to do nothing by the time the weekend comes. Do you drink alcohol or do drugs? I drink sometimes and I guess you could say I take lighter drugs like caffeine, but that’s it. Does it snow a lot in the winter where you live? It does not snow here at all. Where do you go/want to go to college? I had always wanted to go to UP Diliman and fortunately I passed. Do you have any step parents? Nope. Does your cell phone have a full keyboard? It has a full touchscreen keyboard if that counts, lmao. Have you ever had a friend come over when you're sick? No but that’s also partly because I never get sick. Do you like cornbread? It’s okay, but I find it too dry. I’ll have it if it’s like a free appetizer or side dish, but I would never crave it. Do you know what year your mother was born in? 49 years ago. Have you ever been in an airplane? Sure. Is it really late at night right now? Not at all. It’s mid-afternoon.

[leahpuckermxn]

Marvel Marathon || Gabrileah

Tagging: @gabriellaxdias and @leahpuckermxn

Location: Leah and Anthony’s Apartment

Date: 25/05/2020

Summary: Gabriella comes to visit Leah while she is off sick due to her last asthma attack, and the two begin to bond.

Warnings: No judging us for taking almost three months to finish this. The group moved locations twice since starting this and I can’t be bothered to edit the names. Also, my UK English.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Despite her tendency to keep people at arms length, guests were a fairly common thing for Leah. She liked having people around, as long as nothing was too deep. Leah got into the habit of keeping everything personal; bills, medication, family photographs, among other things, out of sight. She was sure that everything was put away, but that didn’t stop her from double checking once she invited Gabriella over for a movie marathon. She wasn’t even sure why she hid those things; it’s not like anyone would care enough to read that stuff. Maybe it was just an instinct she picked up throughout the years of being smothered by her mother over her asthma, which she appreciated when she was actually struggling with it, but her mother certainly knew how to overdo it. Once she was happy that everything was put away, Leah gave the apartment a quick tidy. Guitars on stands, cushions straight, trinkets organised. She wasn’t expecting Gabriella to take long, so she kept an ear out for the buzzer.

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella was excited to get to have a movie night with Leah. After the break up with her boyfriend she knew it was time for her to go out and spend time with people. Start making more plans apart from some things with a few close friends. It was important for her to do what she planned to do when she came to Doveport, to live her life. And that is exactly what she was going to do. Gabriella brought some extra snacks for them, it felt only fair for Leah being so kind to invite her over. She was always good company whenever they hung out. Which honestly wasn’t enough. When she arrived she rang the doorbell, smiling once the door opened. “Leah! Hi, it is great to see you.”

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah managed to tidy the apartment just in time. It helped that Jovi was sleeping, and not following her around chewing up everything she put back into place. She just finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher when she heard the doorbell. Once she heard the bell, she made her way to the door and pulled it open. “Hey, Gab! Come in.” She said, stepping aside.

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella smiled as she stepped in, "Thank you again for inviting me, I even came with snacks. I picked a variety since I wasn't sure of your favorites."  She offered, glancing around for a moment before looking back at Leah. Glad that they were getting to spend more time together. Not only had she always enjoyed spending time with her, but she had always admired her and her confidence. "Really though, I'm excited. I can't tell you the last time I really got to marathon Marvel movies."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Of course! A bit of company never hurts.” She said, with a smile, taking the snacks. Leah’s apartment was incredibly small, but it had a small balcony and basement storage space that she could put her motorbike in during the winter, which was the two most important things to her. “Why don’t you sit down while I set the Roku up.” She added, nodding to the sofa.

GABRIELLA DIAS

She handed over the snacks, hoping she made some good choices. Making good impressions and little things like that were always important to her. Gabriella nodded moved over to the couch and sat down, making herself comfortable. "So what do you think we should start with? I have seen everywhere that there is a certain order they should be watched in. Personally I always just watch my favorites or the new ones when they come out."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah set the snacks down on the coffee table, before sitting herself down on it and taking the main remote to turn the TV on. “Well, we could watch them in release order or chronological order.” Leah said, turning the TV on. “Those are the two most common orders. Release order starts with Iron Man and chronological order starts with Captain America.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella hummed as she thought for a moment. "Lets do chronological order, I always like it when things can tell a story." She got herself comfortable on the couch, leaning back slightly before crossing her legs. "I've seen them in the order as they come out but I am sure it is a lot more interesting this way. Do you have a preference?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Nah, I don’t have any.” She said, setting down the TV remote and picking up the Roku remote as soon as she finished adjusting the AV settings.  “Chronological it is.” She then made her way to Disney+ to find Captain America. It wasn’t too hard, though, since her recommendations was chocked full of Marvel and X-Men, alongside Star Wars and the more sci-fi based Disney and Pixar films. “How shocked would you be if I told you Mulan was my favourite Disney princess?” She said, jokingly.

GABRIELLA DIAS

As Leah went through the recommendations. Realizing how many more movies she really needed to sit and watch. With her busy schedule it was hard to really get into anything. When Leah spoke, she looked over with a smile. “I think it would make sense. Badass, confident, I think it fits.” Gabriella complimented with a smile. “Mine would have to be Jasmine, I loved how strong and independent she was.” It took awhile as a kid for her to really find a favorite. She remembered thinking it was a very important moment in her life to pick a favorite princess. Just the memory of it made her smile grow.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah smiled at Gabriella’s compliment, before finally selecting Captain America and and sitting herself down next to her. “That makes sense for you, too.” Leah remarked. “Pretty but refuses to be held back.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella's smile couldn't help but grow, "Well you certainly make it sound so much better when you put it like that." It was easy for her to give out compliments but hearing them was something she was getting use to all over again. "How about Marvel characters? Who do you see yourself as? Or who was your favorite?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“It’s true.” Leah said, with a shrug. Leah’s lips pursed at the question, she knew her answer, but she wasn’t really sure if it would count. Crossing one leg over the other, she glanced over to Gabriella. “Are we talking about just the MCU? Or Marvel as a whole? If it’s just the MCU, my favourite is Peter Quill, and I’d say he’s the one I’m most like... but if we’re talking as a whole, my favourite is between Wolverine and Storm. What about you?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"I guess as a whole, I really have a lot to learn." Gabriella said before she chuckled, giving her focus to Leah. Bringing her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapping around her knees. "I love those choices," She said with a smile growing on her face again. "I always thought it was so interesting how Guardians of the Galaxy worked in its own world but also mixed in so well with Earth too." Gabriella started before continuing, thinking for a moment, "That's tough, I know I love Captain Marvel because she does such a great job of thinking on her toes. Just going with her gut. And I loved the Doctor Strange movie. But who I'm the most like? That is a good question, I'm not really sure. I get the feeling of being known and wanting to make my family and fans proud. That isn't too exciting of an answer is it?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

"I just really loved X-Men since middle school." Leah explained, repositioning herself so she could focus on Gabriella. "Fox owns the movie rights to them, but I have read so many comics, so many cartoons. I also had a huge crush on Hugh Jackman because of Wolverine.... Have." She let out a small laugh, and glanced to the TV for a moment. She honestly forgot that a movie was playing in the background. "Nah, they're good choices. I only know who I'm most like because of many buzzfeed quizzes that I took."

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Maybe we need to have a marathon of those movies too.” She offered, she couldn’t say no to them if she watched them with good company. When she watched Leah turn to focus on her she felt her smile grow. Finally turning her body towards her, interested into learning anything that she could. She had always enjoyed spending time with her. “That is awesome, I’ve never read comics before but I’ve heard good things about them.” Gabriella laughed with her, “Hey no one can blame you, he is talented and good looking and a nice person. How could someone not?” She followed her eyes too the tv remembering the movie again. “Sounds like it’s about time I start taking some quizzes. I have a feeling once I start taking them I won’t be able to stop.”

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Well, I can never say no to an X-Men marathon.” Leah remarked, a quirky excitement to her tone. X-Men was by far her favourite franchise. She then nodded to her shelf full of comics behind the sofa. “I have a whole library if you ever want to start reading them. They’re fun and light.” She rested her head on her hand as she continued to listen to Gabriella. “Yeah, it’s not a good rabbit hole to fall down.” She said. “Only fall down those jokes because there just... honestly isn’t much to do in hospital.” Leah then let out a small laugh, to avoid the tone going bleak.

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well then we'll make it happen!" How could she say no after hearing that excitement. "I would love that! I'll take any one of them you suggest." She couldn't imagine what it would be like to spend a lot of time in a hospital. She wished Leah didn't have to go through all of that, but she seemed to handle it so well. "I could only imagine," Gabriella started, a soft smile still on her face. "I hope it doesn't happen again any time soon but if it does you can have me to keep you company next time. I would hope I'm a little more amusing then those quizzes." She teased at the end, "And I mean if anything we could just take all of those quizzes together."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah gave Gabriella a smile. “Sounds like a plan!” She squinted at the shelf for a moment at Gabriella’s words. It would be easy for Leah to just recommend her own personal favourites, but that would be too easy. “You might like The Vision and the Scarlet Witch.” Lean took in Gabriella’s following words, and briefly thought about her last stint in hospital. It really bothered her much more than she ever let on. “At the very least, you’ll be better than the crap they put on the TV when I’m in intensive care.” Leah said, with a smirk. “You can’t use technology in there, so the TV is all you can watch. They just put on bad reality TV. Not even the kind that you can laugh at like Jersey Shore. It’s just... bad and boring.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella looked over at the shelf, amazed at the collection. It had always been tough for her to keep things like that with all the traveling she had to do. "I look forward to reading them then." If there was any time to try new things it was while she was here in Sanders Bay. "I would be now? I would be honored to be that great of company." Seeing her smirk made her smile grow. "Wait seriously? That's terrible, that is the kind of stuff you watch with company so you can make fun of it." Gabriella teased, trying her best to keep the conversation light, she couldn't imagine it being easy to think about. "And I'm great at tv commentary."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I know, right?” Leah said, letting out a fragment of a laugh. “But all the old ladies in the room with me live for it. The one on the bed next to mine didn’t appreciate my opinions on property value one bit.” If there was one upside to intensive care as an adult, it was the weird trivia that she stored in the back of her brain from these shows. “Next time I’m stuck in hospital without my phone, I’ll call you.” She pondered that sentence for a moment, letting out another laugh. “I’ll have someone call you.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella couldn't help but laugh, "You'd think they'd like a fresh opinion on things but it can't be that easy." She teased, her eyebrows rose at what she said, she made a fair point. She didn't really know the first thing of what it would be like to be in a hospital. But she relaxed at her next words. "Good, I'm glad." Gabriella said with a smile, glad to hear her laugh again. "I'm interested in hearing the various opinions on the show. Sounds like that alone would be amusing enough."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Boomers, man.” She said, her eyes rolling at the thought of her many hospital roommates. “I miss the children’s ward, sometimes.” Leah remarked. “Everyone there were much more chill.” She shuffled in her seat again, giving Gabbie a smile. “Good, because I have strong opinions about reality TV.” She joked.

GABRIELLA DIAS

"I could only imagine." Gabriella replied, a small smile still on her face. "I hope in the midst of all of that there are some highlights too." She hoped at least, she couldn't imagine what it was like. "And at least now that you're home you get to enjoy good shows and movies." Her eyes glancing back at the television for a moment.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“The staff there are nice.” Leah said, her mind wandering to McKenna and Tessa specifically. She’s always had a huge appreciation for people who worked in hospitals, ever since she was a child. She wouldn’t be alive without access to medical care; access that she could honestly see herself losing. Leah tried to not let that crushing fear show on her face as she turned her attention back to the TV. “Yup. I didn’t get to see Chris Evan’s ass in hospital. That was sorely missed.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

When she looked back at her for a moment she gave her a small smile, "That is really good, I'm glad to hear that." Glancing between both her and the movie they had almost forgotten about. Gabriella laughed at what she said next, her smile growing, "What a pity they can't take that honor away from you for any reason." She joked, stealing a glance at her again before looking back at the tv. "If there is any great motivation to try these movies it is certainly the good looking and talented actors. I can't wait to get to learn more about them."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I had that privilege back in General Ward.” Leah said, with a smirk. She took another glance at the movie, it was very rare that she just straight up forgot about a superhero movie. She really loved her superhero movies. “They finally let you have internet once you leave intensive care.” She explained. “Then I can go back to being an obnoxious Gen Zer who has no idea what life is like without her phone.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Well that’s an improvement, at least then you could watch what you want.” No matter how hard she tried she knew it would be hard to focus on the movie. It was so nice to get to know someone, learn about what their life is like and what they enjoy. And she was certainly having a great time learning about Leah. “I could not imagine what that’s like. I’m not even on my phone often but I am so use to having that ability to reach over for it. I know very stereotypical of people our age.”

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Yeah, and there’s more people my age there.” Leah remarked, thinking of the faces she saw in both wards for a moment. It was a shame that most of her hospitalisation in Intensive Care when General Ward was much more tolerable. “I mean, how old were you when you got your first phone? I know I got my first one when I was like... fourteen. That’s ten years with technology constantly at my finger tips.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Id imagine that’d be better or at least I hope so. Easier to talk to too.” Her next question brought her back to memories of working and being on sets. “Oh god when was it?” Gabriella thought for a moment, “Honestly? Probably eight or nine. But didn’t get social media until I was older. It’s crazy isn’t it how use to it we are. And who knows what else will be invented in our lifetime. Maybe more of the Marvel universe will become a reality.” She teases glancing back at the movie for a moment.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I can’t even wrap my head around an eight year old having a phone.” Leah said, with a small laugh. “But nowadays, I guess five year olds are just out there with the latest iPhones these days. My first phone was my mother’s old Nokia.” Leah glanced over to her own phone, a second hand iPhone that the guy at the store told her was good but affordable. She couldn’t imagine living without her smartphone now, and it amused her and concerned her. “I couldn’t live without a smartphone now.” She remarked. “If they do, I’m first in line for superpowers.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella couldn't help but laugh with her, "Well if I wasn't working on so many sets I don't think I would have had it. My parents just liked having contact with me. Wanting to know how I was and general updates." Nodding though at what she said, "It is crazy to me but times change, I suppose." Knowing how much she relied on her phone it wouldn't shock her if younger generations wanted it too. "Me too," She started before her smile grew, "Oh really? And what will your power be?"

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“So your mom was like... never on set with you bulldozing the whole thing?” Leah said, with a small laugh. “I guess the movies have been lying to me. Though I do wish I got one sooner now that you put it like that. Maybe my mom would have let me leave the street when I wanted to play outside.” She couldn’t help but think about all the freedom having a phone gave her once she got to high school. “Honestly? I kind of want super healing like Wolverine. His metal skull is cool too, of course, but the healing would be sick.” She remarked. “What about you?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"She was sometimes, I always had someone there. A family member or an agent. I was very lucky she didn't try to take control of anything or force me into jobs." Gabriella couldn't help but laugh with her. "I mean they aren't all wrong, some parents are just like that." She nodded in agreement, "It was great and being able to always call was even better. I swear they gave some of the best pep talks." The memory making her smile soften. "I think that is a great power to have." She started before thinking for a moment, "God, I feel like so many would be great to have. I guess it has always been a tie between mind reading or teleportation."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Well I’m glad she didn’t bulldoze, and she made sure you were safe at the same time.” She remarked, knowing her own mother sometimes struggled to find the line between the two. “Isn’t it? Imagine just being able to survive anything, live for hundreds of years and still be hot throughout it all?” She said, before going to listen to Gabriella’s answer. “Interesting choices. Any particular reason for them?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Sounds like an option to be a vampire of some sorts would be just as fun." Gabriella offered, just like she knew her fair share about superhero movies she also knew about the supernatural ones too. When she was younger she really enjoyed them. "But you know you would look good regardless, superpowers or not." She assured with a smile before thinking for another moment. "Well...I think sometimes it would be nice to know exactly how a director or a scene partner would feel. Sometimes there is so much to assume but actions it would be nice to know it in words. But the teleportation? It would be nice to get to travel and see more. Or also work in LA and New York and be able to jump here more often."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Yeah, but Wolverine doesn’t burn in the sun.” Leah remarked. “Burning in the sun while living near a beach is just a cruel curse.” She added, with a small laugh. She didn’t know much about vampire lore, but she was pretty sure that was a huge aspect. “I’m not going to look this good at eighty. It’s just a fact. No one does. I’m holding out for my tipping point being sixty, though.” She added, with a small smirk. “I’ll be on those click bait ‘dermatologists hate her’ articles, living the dream.” Leah rested her head on her hand as she listened to Gabriella talk, a small frown forming on her face, but she quickly turned it into a laugh. “So it’s all about work? Superpowers are meant to be fun, Gab.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

Gabriella couldn't help but laugh with her, "Okay you make a great point! That would be far too cruel." She shook her head but gave her a small smile. "I am sure you will be beautiful always. Plus looks aren't always the most important thing." She assured. "Not all about work! Those were just the two perks I could think of that would work with those powers. Being able to teleport could also just give me a chance to travel more. I really didn't get the chances to explore many places if I worked there." Gabriella offered but Leah was sort of right powers were suppose to be fun. But work has always been the most important thing to her.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Exactly. Going to the beach when it’s nice out is one of the best things about this town.” Leah remarked. “That and the stunning bar staff, but I can’t exactly get a kick out of myself, now, can I?” She teased, giving Gabriella a small wink. “Finally!” She said, letting out another laugh. “Travel, that’s a really fun way to use a superpower. But what about mind reading? Can you think of a fun use for that?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well who says you can't? There is nothing wrong with knowing how great you are. I really admire it." Gabriella said honestly, but her smile still grew at the wink. "I know how to have fun, I swear." She insisted once she heard Leah's laugh. "Well I think it would be nice to know how to make people happy. Figure out what they really think or need. Plus I wouldn't mind knowing what goes through some people's mind."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“It’s not like I can check out myself as I’m serving myself a drink, is it?” Leah joked, with another hint of laughter. “Unless I had that multiplication mutation like that bank robber in The Last Stand.” Leah interjected, thinking back to the third X-Men movie. “Aw, that would be a fun power.” She turned her attention back to Gabriella, a soft smile on her lips as she spoke. “You’re gonna have to prove it to me.” She remarked. “I can see the fun in that. It’d certainly come in handy when trying to hook up with someone. It’s better to know sooner rather than later if they’re into some weird shit.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Looks like I'll have to catch it on video for you. Seems like a happy medium." She laughed with her, her smile growing. Raising one of her eyebrows at what she said next, "Is that a challenge?" Gabriella couldn't help but laugh again, "You know when you put it like that, that is another great perk of it." Shaking her head for a moment before resting it on her hand as her elbow rested on the back of the couch. "Figure out if the two of you really do click or not. It may seem like such a silly thing to think about with how important looks are to hook ups these days. But in my eyes that actual chemistry and attraction feels just as important."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

Leah let out a small laugh, and shook her head. “It seems like my only option, so go ahead.” Leah shuffled in her seat yet again, and took another brief glance at the movie. “Maybe.” She said in a teasing tone. “Oh, it’s all about looks for me if we’re talking about a one time hookup.” Leah said candidly. “I just need to know if they’re a furry or something. I’m not doing that shit.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well if that's the case I can't back down now, can I? I hope I can manage to prove it." Not being able to help but tease back, enjoying the banter. "I guess you make a fair point there. Maybe I'm not quite use to that scene." She admitted, she tried her best to be careful with it in the big cities. Her eyebrows furrowed at her next words, "Oh god, yeah. No shame but that seems like a big no thank you to me." It was stories like those that made her glad that she was quite selective."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“I hope for your sake that you manage to, as well.” Leah teased. “But if you can’t, I’ll be more than happy to show you.” She added, thinking back to her own childhood and how different it must have been to Gabriella’s. “You never just hooked up with someone?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, shame all the way.” Leah said. “This is coming from someone with a gross old man kink, so that is saying something.”

GABRIELLA DIAS

"Well when you put it like that maybe you would need to show me a thing or two." Gabriella said with a smile, "I feel like my fun may not be the most exciting. All I really knew was going to some parties, maybe knowing how to sneak away without being noticed." She thought for a moment, "Well I've had one or two, but mainly flings I guess is the word for them. I didn't have a really serious relationship until this last one I was in." Her eyebrows rose at what she said, "Oh really? Well I guess in some ways I could see that."

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Name the time and place and I will.” Leah said, with a smirk. “Well, who were you sneaking off with?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “Ah, I see. I’m not really into the whole relationship thing, either. I was never actually in one.” Leah let out a small laugh. “Am I that obvious?”

GABRIELLA DIAS

“Maybe sooner rather than later?” She asked not being able to help but notice her smirk. It sparked some excitement inside of her. “Some...people I knew.” Gabriella said suddenly getting a little bashful. Ducking her head down for a moment glad the conversation moved to relationships. “Wait no...no I didn’t mean it like that! No just I could see how someone could find some older people attractive. I’ve had my own crushes on older actors and actresses.” She admitted, shocked that she even did that. It wasn’t often that she would open up to people but it seemed to feel okay with Leah.

LEAH PUCKERMAN

“Sooner works.” She said, the smirk on her face only growing wider, let out a small laugh at Gabriella’s explanation. “Alright, alright. I’m glad that there’s someone out there who understands it at least.” She responded. She then turned her attention back to the screen. “Maybe we should pay attention to the movie. Not that this isn’t a great conversation, but we’re so far in already.” She said, noticing how far into Captain America they were. She took her superhero movies seriously. Leah shuffled in the spot and turned her attention back to the TV.

[hardlylo]

holding onto you

synopsis: in which y/n and ben talk about life

warnings: fluff??? feelings. f!reader

note: starting out my ben journey with some serious fluff bc why not? feedback is always welcome! word count: 1358

tag list: i don’t have one yet but feel free to message me to be added !!

the crisp english air blew through the night, leaving the faint smells of growing flowers as it passed over y/n’s skin. the back porch was her favorite spot. it was a place she could escape to when she needed some air. a place to sit, listen to the crickets, and contemplate about whatever came to mind: usually work, life, and ben. it was a serene environment, giving her the calmness of night after dealing with the business of the day. 

goosebumps rose onto her skin as she gently rubbed her hand over her arm, trying to create frictioned heat. as if on cue, ben appeared from the glass door, sweatshirt in hand. he made his way over to the y/hc, taking a seat next to her on the porch swing. his arm automatically wrapped over her shoulders, something he was so used to doing. “figured you’d be cold.” he murmured, placing the garment on her lap.

y/n hummed in response, pulling the woolly clothing over her body. the goosebumps subsided instantly, her body grateful for the warmth. “i was actually just thinking of how chilly the wind was.”

ben nodded with a soft smile, bringing his hand to softly run through her hair nonchalantly. “what are you even doing out here, sweets?” he questioned.

“just thinking.” y/n stated with a shrug of her shoulders. a lot seemed to be happening through the month. numerous friends’ engagement, wedding, and baby announcements fluttered through social media. it was as if everyone’s lives were reaching new heights and levels while y/n’s remained stationary. not that she wasn’t happy with her situation: an adoring boyfriend, gorgeous shared home, sweet little frankie, and a career on the rise. but the hope of more always sat in the back of her mind.

“about what exactly?” he quizzed, lightly tapping her nose with his pointer. “it must be serious. feels like you’ve been out here for ages.”

y/n giggled, letting her head come to rest on his shoulder, nose nudged under his chin. “have i ever told you you’re over dramatic?” she mused. “ ‘m just thinking about all these bridesmaids dresses i’ll be paying for.”

“who’s getting married now?” he asked. for the two years that ben and y/n had been together, he had quickly come to know her circle of friends. she didn’t think so, but he actually paid attention to her daily gossip gabbing. it was one of his favorite parts of the day. y/n making dinner for the night, pacing around the kitchen while she spewed all the drama of the day. who said what, who slept with who, who cussed out who. he held on to every word, throwing in comments here and there just to see how riled she would get. 

y/n huffed, a small pout on her lips. “jane and danny.” it wasn’t that she disliked the two, or that she wasn’t happy for them. but, the other two had only been together for a very short time. y/n never expected them to get engaged so quickly-let alone before her and ben. she couldn’t help but feel the pang of jealousy deep in her stomach. she wasn’t one to rush-it was never her intention to make ben feel as if he had to propose by a certain time frame. but it was such a high hope in y/n’s life goal to marry ben-she just couldn’t wait for the time to come.

“well good for them!” ben chuckled, pulling y/n away from his shoulder to see her expression. his hand caressed her cheek, thumb lightly running up and down. “you don’t seem too happy though.” 

“oh no!” y/n quickly exclaimed, her eyes widening in the glow of the porch light. “I am happy for them! don’t get me wrong. i know jane will have a fantastic wedding.”

ben cocked his head to the side, a quizical smirk on is lips. “then what is it? you’re terrible at hiding your expressions, muppet.” 

she sighed, a blush creeping to her face. “it’s nothing-” y/n swore with a shake of her head. “it’s really stupid, actually. i shouldn’t even feel this way. i mean i have no reason to. nothing’s wrong or seems to be wrong. and i hate being that person-y’know? but ugh-god-”

the blonde pressed his forehead to hers, laughing at her anxious ramblings. “sweet heart, y/n, you’re rambling a mile a minute. just tell me what it is-you know i never judge you.”

y/n’s pout grew bigger, her eyes flicking up to look directly into his. she pulled away, bringing his hand down from her face to intertwine with her. “do you ever see us getting married?”

ben sat in silence for a moment. a few answers flew through his mind. of course this was something he had thought of before. it was something he had been thinking of since their six month anniversary. his head fell back with a hearty laugh, his hand squeezing hers. “are you joking?”

her pitiful stare answered his question. the wrinkles on her forehead beginning to appear from her small grimace. “of course i’m not joking.” she huffed. 

“love,” he started, leaving a kiss to her hand. “do you really think i’d move my entire life to be with you if i hadn’t already thought of marrying you? we share a house together-a dog, a bed, cars, everything. i’ve met your family, you’ve met mine. i come home to you every single day. i’ve seen you sick, healthy, happy, sad. i’ve thought about the whole marriage thing for a while now.”

y/n’s heart fluttered, pulse slightly racing. the idea of remaining with one single person for the rest of her life was something that used to terrify her. two lives completely intertwined with each other. she was an absolute anxious mess when ben had asked her to move in. he would see her at her most vulnerable moments. but it did nothing but solidify the fact that she wanted ben through every moment of her life: wedding, first child, every birthday and holiday, everything. “you really mean that?”

“of course i do,” he mused. “but, i want it to be a freaking surprise!” they laughed together, hands still clasped together. “i’m sorry, but at this point you’re stuck with me. we’ll get there someday. you’ll never see it coming though, but it will. someday. hopefully sooner rather than later.”

yn let out a hum of a sigh, the nauseous feeling in her stomach subsiding. “i’ll take that.”

“you better.” ben jokingly threatened, letting go of her hand to stand up from the porch swing. 

his hand held out to her, “let’s get inside, poppet. it’s freezing out here and i’m pretty sure your little reality show comes on soon.”

y/n let him pull her from her seat, her legs aching from where she sat so long.”you know me so well, jones.”

“well i have to! i can’t let you miss out. i know how badly you’re wanting to see who gets the final rose. you’ve only been talking about it for weeks.” he chuckled, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

“oh my god! do you really think luke will get it? i swear he’s such a chump i honestly don’t know how he made it so far.” she began to ramble again, practically pulling him towards the glass sliding doors.

ben followed along amusingly, adoring the excitement in her voice. “i hope he wins.” he teased, trying his best to rile her up.

y/n pulled the door open with a huff, her eyes rolling at his comment. before she could step foot into the warmed house, she felt ben stop behind her. she looked back, glancing at his moonlit face.

“i love you, you know that?” he grinned, his eyes glowing with nothing but love and adoration.

“i love you too, benny.” y/n cooed, a small smile playing on her lips. “now come on! i can’t believe i’m going to miss it because you’re being such a sap.”

ben closed the doors behind him, letting out a howl of a laugh. “i’m the sap? whatever you say, my love, whatever you say.”

[niallsstainedcoffeecup]

Normal

Y/N meets Harry, but her social anxiety interferes.  Harry thinks that Y/N is rude, and he does not like her.  This story was requested by one of you lovely people.  Enjoy!  Feedback and Requests are welcomed!  Lots of Love!!

           The phone taunted her trembling figure.  Y/N huffed, repeating the order for the tenth time.  She inhaled, calming the churning in her stomach. Her fingers typed in the phone number. Y/N stared at the glaring number, reassuring herself that everything would be okay.  She pressed the green circle, listening to the ringing blaring into her delicate ears.  She wiped her palms on her legs.   “Hello, Pete’s Pizza, how may we help you?” The cheerful lady shouted. “Hi, I’d like two pep-pe-pepperoni pizzas,” She stuttered out. “Okay.  Can I get a name for the order?” The lady calmly asked, but Y/N assumed the lady already despised her.   Who struggled when ordering food?  Y/N hung up the phone, swallowing the lump in her throat.  Sometimes Y/N wanted to be normal.  Her friends didn’t stutter over their words, her friends ordered food over the phone, and her friends didn’t freak out when speaking to other people.  Y/N couldn’t pinpoint a time when her social anxiety started, but it must’ve been in elementary school.  Her fifth-grade teacher accused her of cheating and forced Y/N to stand up in front of the entire class and admit that she was cheating when Y/N never cheated on that test.  The jabs and mocking started quickly after that.  Y/N’s cheeks burned bright red whenever she had to speak up. Nobody listened to her, so Y/N muttered everything under her breath, and when somebody did listen, she stumbled over her words.  Y/N slid down her white walls, messaging her best friend. I couldn’t order the pizza.  Can you grab the pizza this time?  I promise to repay you.   Yeah, Y/N wished she was normal.   *  *  *  *

           Her friend stood in Y/N’s tiny apartment bathroom, fixing her dull hair. Y/N lifted herself onto the messy counter, kicking her feet back and forth.  Y/N sipped on a fruity smoothie that her friend surprised her with.  Her friend gasped, slapping Y/N’s leg. “I forgot to tell you the good news.  Do you remember when I told you that I knew somebody who knew somebody…” “Who knew somebody’s cousin?” Y/N joked. Her friend giggled, “Shut up.  Well, they know Harry Styles, and they are willing to introduce us to him.”   Y/N choked on her drink, sputtering up strawberry-banana juice, “What?” Her friend nodded feverishly, “We are meeting Harry Styles.” Y/N shook her head, slipping from the counter, “No.  No.  I cannot meet Harry Styles.  You know how much he means to me.  You should meet him first, so I don’t mess things up for you.” Her friend frowned, gripping Y/N’s shoulders, “Hey, you don’t mess anything up.  I need my best friend there when I meet her future husband.” Y/N blushed, biting her bottom lip, “Shut up.” Her friend giggled, returning her attention to her dry hair.  Y/N stood there, processing the new information.  Y/N’s heart fluttered weakly with nerves.  Could Y/N buy courage in a bottle?  Y/N adored Harry, but she was not looking forward to meeting him. *  *  *  *

           Y/N’s hand hovered over her queasy stomach.  Luckily, Y/N tied up her hair, so she didn’t hide behind the strands or play with the perfectly straightened locks.  Her friend helped Y/N with her makeup and outfit choice, but nobody could help her racing heart.  Y/N’s eyes flittered around the room, trying to focus on one thing.  Why did she feel dizzy?  Her friend talked about anything and everything, hoping to calm Y/N, but her gabbing made things worse.  The small silver car stopped before Harry’s Los Angeles arena.  Her friend stepped out of the car, waiting patiently for Y/N.  Y/N attempted to unbuckle her seatbelt, but somehow, her nerves tied up the belt into her arm.  Y/N whined, pulling herself away from the safety of the car.  The large arena sent chills down Y/N’s spine.  What did she get herself into?  Was it too late to abandon her friend?  Y/N stopped at the security station, smiling nervously at the guards. “Empty your pockets please,” The guard ordered. Y/N misheard, “Oh, I d-do-don’t h-have anything in my p-poc-pockets.” The guard glared, “I said empty your pockets.” Y/N blushed, realizing her mistake.  She quickly emptied her pockets, hoping the guard didn’t hate her.  A man in transition glasses walked out of a large, heavy door. “There you are.  You two were almost late.  Follow me, and we’ll find Mr. Styles,” The man stated in a stereotypical manager voice. Y/N tripped through the door, stumbling after the man and her friend.  A white door that read Harry Styles presented itself in front of Y/N.  Y/N gulped, hoping the dizzy feeling ended before she met Harry.   *  *  *  *

           Harry crossed his legs, feasting on a banana.  His hairstylist finished his hair a few minutes ago, and he was waiting for someone to tell him to change into tonight’s glittery suit. Harry scrolled through his phone, reading stories about penguins wearing sweaters.  A loud knock startled Harry from his leisure time.  Harry set his phone down, waddling to his door.  Harry swung open the door, greeted by one of his managers and two young women.  One of the young women smiled brightly and looked as if she might try to sell Harry toothpaste.  The other young woman looked anywhere but at Harry and looked as if she might be sick. Harry grinned warmly, stepping aside so everyone might step in.  Harry loved meetings fans because he could see why he worked so hard.   “Hello, I’m Harry,” Harry offered his hand to both women.   The first one shook his hand almost detaching his arm from his body.  The other woman frowned, staring at Harry’s hand as if it might give her a disease.   “Hi, my name is Beth, this is my best friend, Y/N,” The ecstatic woman stated. “Hi, it is nice to meet you both.  Will you two be attending the concert?” Harry asked. Beth nodded eagerly, “We are excited.” Y/N’s mind whirled with comments.  Why couldn’t she move her mouth?  She noticed Harry’s side glances.  What was he thinking?  Did he already hate her?  Harry offered them water, and Beth replied with a soft no.  Y/N’s dry throat ached for water, but she couldn’t open her mouth. “Y/N, what do you do for a living?” Harry wondered, sitting across from her. Harry’s emerald green eyes stared angrily into her terrified eyes.  Y/N opened and closed her mouth, trying to speak without stuttering.  Beth grimaced, noticing Y/N become uncomfortable.   “She’s studying to be a nurse,” Beth blurted out. Harry nodded but didn’t remove his eyes from Y/N.  Harry wondered what this woman’s problem was.  Did she think she was better than Harry?  Was she stealing his secrets to expose to some media site?  Who did she think she was?  The nice thing would be to answer one question, but Y/N sat in silence. “Well, I have to get dressed.  I will look for you two in the crowd,” Harry grinned. Harry hugged Beth, stopping before a wide-eyed Y/N.  Harry’s heart sunk because the woman was beautiful.  Her owl-like eyes shined brightly, and her plump lips called Harry’s name.  Her attitude rotted everything beautiful about her.  Harry waved, standing further away from Y/N.  Y/N’s lower lip trembled.  Of course, Harry hated her.  She wanted to tell him about her disability, but would he believe her? Harry disappeared into his room, leaving a teary-eyed Y/N in the hall.   *  *  *  *

           Harry loved performing for his fans.  Singing songs that captured the hearts of many.  Harry’s favorite part of the night was talking to the audience.  Harry already found one pregnant woman, one fan that planned on coming out, and a happy couple.  Now, Harry’s heart was still hung up on that rude interaction with Y/N.  Harry preached treating people with kindness, and she broke his rule.  Harry cleared his throat, placing a hand on his sparkling hip. “I want to thank you for coming out tonight. I do not get to prance around onstage if you do not show up.  I tried earlier, and Mitch kicked me out of rehearsals.  I want to remind everyone to treat people with kindness.  I met this one woman recently that didn’t follow that rule.  She blatantly ignored me in front of her friend.  I am not calling her out to be mean but to remind everyone to never be like that woman.  We must all be kind and spread the love.”   Y/N’s jaw dropped whenever she heard Harry’s speech.  Her heart cracked into a million pieces.  How could her idol put her on the spot like that?  How could he mock her whenever he didn’t know her story?  She glared, crossing her arms over her chest.  Harry Styles wanted to spread kindness, but he didn’t practice it.  “How could he do this?” She growled. Beth shrugged, “I don’t know.  I’m sorry.  We can leave.” Y/N shook her head, “I want to stay.  I ha-hate Harry Styles.” *  *  *  *

           Y/N burned the memory of Harry’s concert from her memory.  Life returned to its normal pace.  The alarm alerted Y/N that class would begin in three hours.  Y/N groaned, sliding out from the comfy blankets.  Y/N changed out of her pajamas and into whatever outfit she chose last night. She laced up her sneakers and jogged down the street.  Every morning, Y/N jogged to the bakery down the street.  The older women working at the bakery understood Y/N’s disability. Y/N waited in line, reading over the daily special.  A chocolate muffin with a large cappuccino sounded delicious.  Y/N strolled up to the counter, grinning widely at the gray-haired lady. “Hello dear, do you want the usual?” The woman asked.   Y/N shook her head, opening her mouth to speak. This woman, Marge, reminded Y/N of her overly-sweet grandmother.  Y/N spent the summers with her grandmother, but life never went as planned for Y/N. Her grandmother became ill, and in a matter of months, her grandmother passed away.  Marge reinstalled confidence in Y/N, but only for that moment when she needed to order her breakfast.   “Can I try the special?” Y/N mumbled. Marge nodded eagerly, “It is delicious. We tried a new blend for the coffee today.  You can tell us what you think about it.” Y/N giggled, “Okay, thank you.” Y/N strolled over to her favorite table. The table gave Y/N the perfect view of the sun rising over the tall buildings.  Y/N glanced up, noticing a familiar face sitting in her spot.  What was Harry Styles doing in a bakery?  Y/N urged her feet to turn around before he saw her, but instead, her feet carried her over to him.  Harry looked up from his phone, his smile dropping once he saw Y/N. “What do you want?” Harry glared. Y/N blushed, staring at her shoes, “That is m-y-y spot.” Harry rolled his eyes, “You think you own everything, right?  Well, I’m not moving.  You should’ve come earlier.” Y/N balled her fists, swallowing the anger rising in her chest.  Tears pricked her eyes as she stared at Harry’s stone-like expression. “You a-r-re an as-sshole,” She stuttered out. Harry chuckled, “And you think you are better than everyone else.” Y/N gasped, opening her mouth to yell at Harry, but a small hand gripped Y/N’s shoulder.  Y/N looked over her shoulder, watching Marge scowl at Harry.   “Young man, we do not condone bullying in our bakery.  Y/N is a loyal and sweet customer, and you will not speak to her like that.  You can move, or you can leave,” Marge ordered. Harry huffed, shooting daggers at Y/N. She watched Harry grab his coffee and stomp out of the front door.  Y/N breathed a sigh of relief, thanking Marge internally for saving her.   “I’ll always take care of you,” Marge winked, nudging Y/N’s hip with her elbow.   Y/N smiled, sitting in her favorite spot. Y/N didn’t know what she did that caused Harry’s hatred of her, but she’s pretty sure that Marge didn’t help the situation. *  *  *  * 

           Y/N scribbled down the numerals, checking her calculator again.  Y/N’s professor assigned three workbooks as homework. Y/N finished one workbook, canceling all plans for her Friday night.  Beth snuck up the apartment stairs.  In Beth’s hand was the emergency key that Y/N gave Beth.  Beth fixed her tight black dress, unlocking the door.  Beth busted into the room, shouting incoherent words at Y/N.  Y/N screamed, fearing a random killer broke into her apartment.  Once Y/N realized the killer was Beth, she glared at the glowing girl.   “What is wrong with you?  You nearly k-killed me,” Y/N breathed out.   Beth rolled her eyes, pulling Y/N from the couch, “We have a party to attend.” “I have homework,” Y/N whined, using all her weight to stop Beth from pushing her toward her room. “Harry Styles is throwing a party, and I scored us an invite,” Beth squealed. Y/N laughed bitterly, “Yeah, something tells me that he won’t want me to show up.” “Well, you need a night off.  Will you please come with me?” Beth pouted. Y/N sighed, “Fine, but you owe me.” Beth cheered, ushering Y/N toward her room. The night didn’t look great for Y/N. *  *  *  *    

           Extravagant cars, people in expensive gowns, and flashing lights blinded Y/N.  Beth held Y/N’s hand, tugging her through the large crowd.  Y/N’s eyes flickered from person to person, smiling sheepishly at everyone that made eye contact.  Y/N felt the familiar wheeze from her heart.   “Are you okay?  I am going to order us a drink,” Beth shouted over the music.   Y/N nodded, keeping her eyes locked on her shoes.  Beth smiled, leaving Y/N for the first time that night.  People pushed past Y/N unaware that they bumped into someone and not something.  Y/N huffed, searching for an open area.  Her chest felt constricted as if someone placed a weight on her chest.  She sucked in a harsh breath, calming the rising panic. Y/N staggered down a dark hallway, opening a door that she hoped was the bathroom.  Wrong, instead, she found Harry Styles changing shirts.  Harry stared at the door in fear, but anger soon replaced that emotion.  Harry glared, storming toward the blushing girl.   “What are you doing?  I didn’t invite you here.  Are you sneaking in to expose my secrets?  Are you trying to attack me?” Harry accused her of terrible things. Y/N stood there, unable to speak out of fear and embarrassment.  Y/N shook her head feverishly, praying someone might save her. “Then what are you doing?” Tears pricked her eyes.  Why did Harry have to yell at her?   “Huh?  Why aren’t you answering me?  Don’t you know how to speak?” Harry growled. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she spun around, running through the dark hallway.  People didn’t notice the invisible girl sobbing at the bar.  Where was Beth?  She didn’t want to stay one minute longer. *  *  *  *  

           Harry grumbled, pushing past people in search of the girl.  Why did she show up at his party?  Why did she look so beautiful?  Harry planned on kicking her out of his party before the paparazzi found her sobbing.  Harry couldn’t afford someone blaming him for their tears.  People waved at Harry, forcing Harry to pause and act like a good host.  Harry laughed his fake laugh, adding small jokes into conversations.  Harry glanced up, catching sight of that other woman. Wasn’t her name Beth?   “I’m sorry.  I must talk to that person,” Harry mumbled, leaving the group.   Harry chased after the girl who looked lost. Harry tapped on Beth’s shoulder, watching her spin around with a hopeful smile.   “Oh, I’m sorry.  I thought you were my friend.  Are you going to kick me out?  I didn’t sneak into the party.  My friend invited me,” Beth explained. Harry shook his head, “No.  I’m looking for your friend too.  I need to kick her out.” “Why?” Beth gasped, gripping her glass of wine tighter. Beth left Y/N alone for ten minutes, and when she returned, Y/N was gone.  Beth freaked out, worrying about Y/N’s anxiety.   “She is the meanest person I have ever met. She won’t talk to me.  I ask her questions, and she stands there like an idiot. She always has someone who defends her attitude problem.  I think she’s trying to expose my secrets,” Harry stated. Beth shook her head, scowling at Harry, “You couldn’t be more wrong.  I’m surprised that someone who preaches kindness would judge an angel.  Y/N has social anxiety.  The day she met you, she nearly fainted.  She adored you and was afraid to talk to you.  Whenever she does talk, she either stutters or turns bright red. Luckily, I have been friends with her for five years, so she trusts me.  You don’t even know Y/N, but you are willing to treat her like garbage.  You owe her an apology.” Harry stood there looking like a fish out of the water, “I…I didn’t know that.  I feel awful.” Beth nodded, “You should feel awful. I’ll help you find her, but you better apologize first.” Harry agreed, helping Beth search for Y/N in the crowd.  Harry’s heart ached with guilt.  Hopefully, he could fix everything with Y/N.   *  *  *  *

           Y/N sipped on the cocktail she ordered.  Y/N found an open door, escaping into Harry’s serene backyard. Y/N watched the stars twinkle above her head, telling a story of ancient heroes.  The soft click of someone’s shoes sounded near her.  She stared straight ahead, thinking of her life. Why wasn’t she normal?   “Y/N, can I talk to you?” Harry softly asked. Y/N rolled her eyes, “I don-do-don’t want to spe-a-ak to you.” Harry nodded, stealing the open chair beside her.  Harry played with his fingers, staring at the shining rings.   “I was wrong to judge you.  I didn’t know your story.  I didn’t know about your disability.  If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t yell at you.  I’m sorry.  I know that probably doesn’t mean a lot after you saw my actions, but I truly am sorry.” Y/N bit her lip, stopping herself from accepting his apology.  Her heart skipped a beat at his words, but her mind reminded her off his mean words. Y/N sighed, deciding to take a chance. “Harry, I fo-forgive you,” She stuttered out. Harry grinned, looking into her trusting eyes, “I promise never to mistreat you again.” Y/N blushed, “You still want to talk to me?” Harry nodded, “I think you are beautiful. I would love to get to know the stories behind the stunning girl.” Y/N giggled, “Thank you.  You are stunning too.” “I told Beth to give us an hour alone. Do you want to leave this party and grab a frozen yogurt?” Harry wondered, smirking at Y/N. Y/N grinned, “Sure, can I tell Beth first? She might assume that you kidnapped me.” Harry chuckled, “Yeah, I’ll be waiting for you.” Y/N stood up, leaving Harry on his back porch. Beth stood near the door, glaring at Harry’s head.  Y/N giggled, grabbing Beth’s shoulders. “I forgave him.  He likes me.  We are going to grab a yogurt.  Do you want to join us?” Beth smirked, “No, I can find my way home. Will you call me tomorrow?” Y/N blushed, “We won’t do anything.” Beth shrugged, walking back into the crowded room.  Y/N walked outside, smiling widely at Harry.  Harry grabbed her sweaty hand, leading her toward his garage.  Y/N didn’t picture her night ending like this. Y/N often wished for a normal life, but who wanted normal?  Y/N had a best friend that loved her, a grandmother figure that watched over her, and a famous boyfriend that adored her.  

[looselucy]

Lavender

39 There was a warmth in my stomach as soon as I woke. My body was still pressed against his, my leg still over his hip, his hands still held on my back so I couldn’t distance from him even if I’d wanted to, which of course I didn’t. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept like that with someone, in fact, I was almost sure I’d never slept like that with anyone. None of my ex boyfriends had ever held me that way before, no one had ever pulled me that close and kept me there, like they needed that contact, like they needed me. It was nice, really. It was nice to feel that close with someone.

I found my little finger lacing through his curls as sleep began to distance from me, playing with his soft hair and gazing over the features of his face, his little freckles and blemishes. He truly was phenomenal to look at, unlike anyone I’d seen before. I liked just being able to take the time and just admire him as he slept, trying to ignore the events of the evening previous and how awful his dream had been. Eventually, I untangled myself from him, proud of my work once I was completely out of bed and he was still slumbering away none the wiser. I tiptoed out of his room, happy that after one day with his family I was no longer nervous. I wasn’t hiding or cringing, I just walked out of there, not worrying about being on my own around his mum or dad. I could hear that someone was in the kitchen as I slowly made my way downstairs, still a little dozy and in desperate need of a coffee, but I knew I’d have to survive off tea. I was hoping to drag Harry to a café somewhere at some point during the day just so I could get my fill. I wandered into the kitchen, happy to see Harry’s mother there. I really liked his dad too, but he wasn’t quite as chatty as Janine was. We were probably never going to run out of things to say. She was sat on the kitchen counter as the kettle boiled, her little legs dangling over the edge as she smiled to me. “Morning.” I greeted. “Good morning.” She returned. “How did you sleep?” “Yeah, great, thank you.” She gave me a knowing look as she dropped to her feet, one that simply said, I know you didn’t have an easy sleep. You don’t need to lie to me. She grabbed two cups from the cupboard as my throat got tighter, watching her every move, waiting for her to say something. It was different at my parents house. It was so big, I knew the likeliness of them hearing Harry was extremely thin. They also weren’t expecting to hear screams, they weren’t waiting for his noises, they weren’t going to stir easily. Harry’s parents room was right next to his. They must have heard everything, they must have been waiting to hear him, just listening out for noises, sleeping uneasily the entire time. The thought made me feel sick. “Is he okay?” She asked, not looking at me. “Um… He’s… He’s struggling.” I swallowed. “But… he’s strong, isn’t he? He copes with it all really well.” She nodded, but she seemed unconvinced. But, maybe that was down to the fact that I sounded entirely unconvincing. Harry did handle everything incredibly well, I knew if I went through what he did that I would just completely fall apart. But seeing him in that state, especially the night before, made it hard for me to stand there and tell her that her son was perfectly fine. He wasn’t. He wasn’t fine at all. “They started when he was at uni.” She told me. “By the time he came back to visit, they were in full force. He told us about them, straight away, but he made us promise we wouldn’t try to help. He made us promise we wouldn’t try to wake him up.” “Why would he do that?” I thought I could feel my heart ache. “Because the boy is fundamentally good.” She seemed a little relieved when the kettle clicked. “He couldn’t stand the thought of us being a part of it. He doesn’t want anyone to see him like that, Florence. You must be special.” In that moment, I kind of hated that I was lying to her. I wasn’t special to Harry, I was only there to help them see he wasn’t lonely, that he was happy and they didn’t need to worry about him. I hated that she genuinely thought I was special to him. All she wanted was for him to be happy, really happy, and I was realising that I was part of a lie that was trying to convince her that he was. He wasn’t. Not entirely anyway. He wasn’t okay, and I wasn’t special to him. “So, you’ve never… seen… I mean… You never tried to wake him?” “He made us promise.” She sighed. “I don’t want to break his trust. So… we never did. We always just… endured it. I can’t explain what that’s like… being able to hear my child screaming and knowing there’s absolutely nothing I can do to help him.” I felt like crying. I felt like having one of my breakdowns. I couldn’t even imagine the feeling, the countless times where they must have lay awake just having to suffer his cries, just having to deal with it. They didn’t want to go against his wishes, so they just tolerated it. It must have been truly awful. On my first night with him, I felt an overwhelming need to wake him and comfort him. That was me, a girl who barely knew him, a girl there pretending to be his girlfriend and pretending to have all these swelling feelings, and I felt a pulling need to take care of him. I couldn’t even begin to know the feeling his mother and father had hearing their son screaming. It hurt me, I couldn’t imagine how much it hurt them. “I want to be there to help him all the time.” I sighed, and I meant it. “I want to be there until they stop. I know he’ll find the reason behind them, and I want to be there to help him all the way through. He’ll get there soon, I know it, I can feel it. I just… I want to help in any way I can.” She still hadn’t picked up the kettle. I could see her hands shaking, I could see that she was trying to hold back tears. I didn’t know how to comfort her, I didn’t know what to say, because it wasn’t just down to the fact she couldn’t comfort him when she heard him screaming in the night, she knew there was something deeply wrong with her son, something completely out of their control. “He must be so tired.” She gripped at the counter. “I just don’t know how we can help him. He’s my baby and…” She lost herself, a tear slipping from her eye and landing on the granite. Without even thinking what I was doing I’d thrown my arms around her, holding the woman into my body as she sobbed over my shoulder. The lack of answers, the uncertainty, was starting to eat away at all of us, the fact we couldn’t even see a solution to Harry’s problem. There were a few things we could point the finger at, maybe his dads cancer, his uncle who I’d heard very little about and already despised, maybe the fact his mum and dad bothered him over his companions, maybe his old blue room. There were a few things that you could easily point towards, but anything obvious would have already been discussed with his therapist, and they hadn’t reached any kind of conclusion. The dreams were something that Harry didn’t know about. They were there because something had happened, either in real life or deep within the coves of his mind, that he couldn’t recall, or figure out. Harry had no leads, no starting point. It was lovely that Harry had such a wonderful life, but fuck, it would have been helpful if there was something that could guide us. “He’s really strong.” I hushed, comforting her. “He’s doing so well, I promise you. We’ll find a way to stop them. We will. I’ll help him find a way.” I think she needed that comfort, because she probably didn’t get it from anywhere else. She couldn’t go to Harry, and Adam was going through the exact same thing she was. I was probably the first person to console her in that way. Thankfully, by the time we heard Harry’s footsteps pattering down the stairs, she had calmed slightly. She pulled away from me, finally turning back to the kettle as he entered the kitchen, wiping over his tired eyes with the back of his hand. I grabbed another mug from the cupboard. “Good morning.” His voice was rough. “You making brews?” “I will.” Janine tried to hide the quake in her voice. “I forgot I just… I need to make a call. I’ll do it in five.” “I’ll sort them, don’t worry.” I smiled. Acting as nonchalant as she physically could, she scurried round the corner towards the living room, needing another few minutes before she could face him. Harry remained completely unaware, approaching me with his tight jeans on, and his torso bare. “You sure you can make a good cup of tea?” He smirked as he neared me. “Probably not,” I huffed. “But I’ll bloody try.” He appeared behind me, and before I could even pick the kettle up, he grabbed at my waist, spinning me round quickly, keeping me backed up against the counter as he pressed the front of his body to mine. “Harry!” I gasped. He leaned his lips towards my ear, his fingers digging into my skin, pushing me so there was literally no way I could escape his grasp. I lay my hands against his butterfly, closing my eyes and breathing in his tight vicinity. “Last night.” He began, his voice low and whispered. “Harry-” “You were incredible.” He told me. “Last night was… one of the worst I’ve ever had, and you were so… amazing. I can’t even explain.” He closed his eyes, leaving me a little breathless as he tried to control his emotions, still keeping me as close as possible. He moved to press his forehead against mine as my glistening eyes traced over his face, watching him intently. “I probably crossed a line last night.” I whispered. “I’m sorry.” “What for?” “I just wanted to keep you still, and then when I kissed you I just-” “Ren, you were perfect.” He stopped my gabbing. “Everything you did was perfect. Please don’t apologise. You were… You are amazing, Ren. I know things got intense last night and I’m sorry, but you need to be aware of how perfect you are. How perfectly you deal with everything. I… I couldn’t ask for anything more, from anyone.” “Harry-” “I’ll never be able to explain how much it helps. Thank you, Florence Daisy Valentine.” “Don’t full name me!” I giggled, hitting his stomach. “You truly are in your own league of human being.” He chuckled. “I’m glad I’m doing this with you.” It was physically hurting to restrain my smile, shaking my head as I struggled to accept his words, my eyes fluttering shut as he moved a hand to my hair, twisting a few strands around his finger. When I finally found the stamina to look back upwards, I spotted his mother over his shoulder, approaching us. “Kiss me.” I whispered. So he did. He thrust his lips to mine, closing the gap which was already much smaller than it needed to be, and kissed me sweetly, his mother tutting as she reached us, and clicked the kettle on again since I’d never gotten round to making brews. “Behave.” She instructed. “Sorry.” Harry grinned, licking his lips once he’d pulled away. “I struggle with restraint around this one.” “Harry!” I gasped, pushing him away from me. “Don’t talk like that around your mother.” “You should listen to your girlfriend, Harry.” His mother raised her brows. “You’re not the only one around here who has sex.” “Don’t you dare!” He pointed at her, moving to sit on top of the dining table. “I’m just saying. Me and your dad-” “ALRIGHT! That’s enough. That is enough.” I laughed as I moved towards the fridge to get the milk out, happy that my emotion filled morning was finally passing, because my emotions had been running high since I met Harry Styles. But I wasn’t sure it was a bad thing. 40 “Are you taking me to your underage drinking spot?” I wiggled my brows. “I’m not, actually.” He chuckled, a few steps ahead. “I will though.” “Good! I took you to mine! You owe me.” “I promise I’ll take you!” He looked back to me. “You’re so needy!” “I am not!” The evening before I had convinced myself that I was imagining snow falling from the sky, but it really was there. It wasn’t a thick layer, but it was a layer of snow nonetheless, and that somehow made me feel all warm inside. I also felt warm inside thanks to the coffee I was finally consuming, sipping it for the cardboard cup as we wandered through the countryside, towards wherever the hell Harry had decided to take me. Wearing his mother’s wellies, which were definitely at least a size too small for me, I trudged behind him, wondering why there was such a spring in his steps. As far as I could see there was absolutely nothing to get excited for. There was grass, more grass, some snow, the occasional stone wall, and that was about it. He was lucky I trusted him, I wouldn’t just wander into some field in the middle of nowhere with bloody anyone. Harry excitedly jumped over one of the stone walls, landing with a soft thud on the other side, and then popping his head up so he was visible again, a dopey grin on his face. “You do not want me to jump over that wall?” I huffed, stopping ahead of it. “It goes up to my bloody shoulders.” “Yeah but you can wedge your foot in the gaps.” He shrugged. “Do you know me at all, Curls?” I groaned. “I will fall flat on my face.” “You will not!” He cried. “I’ve literally been doing this since I was a toddler. C’mon!” “I’m going to fall!” “Well I’ll catch you!” Harry looked adorable, his long curls poking out from under his beanie, a giant fluffy coat on and his teeth still on show as he smiled to me. I scowled at him as I hesitantly moved towards the wall, and I think that only made his smile grow. It was always nice to see Harry happy. In the middle of the nights, witnessing his distress, it often became easy to forget how blissfully happy he was during the day. The seed of his pain would plant in my mind, but he would never let it grow. He would always be there to stint its development, with his giant smile and his infectious glee, reminding everyone that no matter how awful his night terrors were, they would never eclipse the true beauty of him, and it was phenomenal to see. After a big exhale, I finally dug my foot between the stone, placing my coffee down and my hands on the top and elevating myself upwards, fearing the worst. “Now what?” I quizzed. “Swing your leg over.” “You just jumped!” “Alright, you can try jumping if you want.” He shrugged. “See how that works out for you.” “I’m gunna swing my leg over.” I said, like it was my idea. “Yeah, I thought you might.” He chuckled. With a little squeal, I lifted my leg and threw it to the other side of the wall, straddling the stone before crying out. “FUCK IT’S COLD ON MY ARSE!” Harry was laughing like a fool as I rushed through the second part of the obstacle, but even though he was howling like an idiot, by the time I threw myself into his arms he still caught me with no issue, his arms wrapping around my waist and holding my body to his to keep me upright, and as my head landed against his chest I could literally feel his happiness against my skin, feel the joy shaking and pulsing through his chest. Feeling that made me want to stay pressed against him forever, and without meaning to, I remained held to his structure, beaming with my cheek nestled against his chest, my hands under his coat and on his waist. I closed my eyes as we enjoyed the moment together, Harry’s chuckles calming eventually. I don’t know why we stayed that way, or why neither of us questioned or poked fun at our silence, the fact we were just holding one another like that. We just enjoyed it whilst it lasted. “Ren?” He called for my attention. “Mm?” “You make me really fucking happy, you know that?” “I do?” I questioned, holding even tighter. “You do.” “You actually make me miserable, I’m just a really good actress.” I sniggered. “Fuck you!” He pulled away, shaking his head. “I try to be nice and you’re just always bloody sarcastic.” “It’s an illness.” I giggled. He winked at me before he set of walking again, my cheeks rosy thanks to the cold as I quickly picked up my coffee again, and then followed. I was reminded of the first time I had seen the illusive magnetism that Harry possessed. After the group therapy session, when he had been assigned as our leader without ever meaning to be, we’d followed him into the night with excitement and our trust. I was starting to realise that I would follow Harry into any darkness, because that’s just something he could do to people. His aura felt like something you could dive into and swim in, and even drowning in it felt like heaven. He only took a few more steps before he stopped himself, staring down the side of the wall we had just clambered over. I glanced up to him, trying to note the look on his face. He seemed almost reflective, somewhere between happy and sad. I breathlessly stood waiting for him to explain himself, gazing up to the boy, seeing his throat bob. “This is where I used to come and pick flowers with my dad.” He breathed eventually. “In the summer, they line all down this wall. I mean… I know it doesn’t look like much now but… I just wanted to show you.” All I was looking at was a row of aligned rocks, and the light cover of snow that shielded everything around it, and yet somehow it still felt like an honour. Somewhere that held such a sacred place among his many memories was a place he wanted to show me, somewhere he wanted to welcome me. The place was almost alight with his memoirs, I could see the green in my mind, picture him plucking at the flowers that winter had destroyed. I could envision it perfectly, and it really did feel like a privilege to be there with him, especially since he hadn’t been there for so long. “I wish I could see it in the summer.” I whispered. “You will.” He spoke with confidence. “We’ll come back.” “Okay. Good.” “C’mon, let me show you something.” Once more, I found Harry slotting his fingers between mine before he pulled me further down the wall, his large hand drowning mine as he impatiently pulled me towards our destination. My stomach was in knots for something, and I was blaming it on the connotation of the place. Even with the snow, even when it had been so many years since Harry had been and picked flowers with this father, there was a palpable splendour sitting amongst the grass, gracing those fields. In my mind and in my heart the sun was shining, the flowers in bloom, and Harry was nothing but happy. He came to an abrupt standstill, unlinking from me to crouch down ahead of the wall. He brushed away some of the snow, and soon a lilac colour was revealed underneath. I fell to my knees next to him, absolutely fascinated. “What is it?” I gasped my question. “Lavender.” He replied, the plants popping upwards slightly once he’d taken the weight off them. “They’re perennial.” “They’re what?” “They last all year, endure any weather.” “That’s amazing!” I ogled. “I had no idea.” Once enough were revealed to us, he reached down to their roots, grabbing as many as his fist could allow and pulling them from their place. He shook off some of the snowflakes, and I watched the whole thing with a twinkle in my eye. Harry had told me he liked flowers, but even with him having that little bit knowledge about lavender proved to me that his love for flowers ran quite deep. He had knowledge of flowers, he even knew the exact spot they were growing. Not only that, but I could see the look of admiration in his eyes as he stared up the stems. He turned, and held the flowers out towards me. “For you.” I gently took them from his hands, lifting them to my nose for a moment and inhaling their scent, my lips cracking into a smile that was teeming with delight. I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt so happy. “You’re making me feel all special.” I whispered. “Good.” He sighed. “That’s my intention.” 41 Harry’s best friend was beautiful. I mean, I wasn’t sure I was that hard to please really. Usually any boy with half a personality and all his organs still intact was enough for me, I wasn’t fussy, but he truly was exceptionally good looking. “Liam, this is Ren.” Harry introduced us. “The girlfriend you were so cryptic about.” He offered his hand. “Nice to meet you.” “You too.” Once my skin met his I was pretty sure my entire body turned red. I was surprised and also impressed that I didn’t just burst into a fit of giggles. He was adorable but it also looked like he could fucking ruin you if he wanted to, and that was a good look. “I’m glad you came round!” Harry chirped. “We’re just about to do games night, you wanna stay?” “Are we drinking?” Liam asked. “MUM ARE WE DRINKING?” “YES!” The woman cried from upstairs. “Yes we’re drinking.” “Then of course I’ll stay. Don’t I fuck up the team numbers?” “We’ll figure it out.” Harry brushed off. “OOOH, boys versus girls!” I grinned. Harry turned to me with an amused, sceptical look scrunching his features, and I think that dubious look just fuelled me even more. “You’ll be outnumbered.” “Maybe by bodies, but by brains… well… you’re lacking on that front.” “She’s funny” Liam chuckled, pointing at me. “Keep hold of her.” He moved out of the kitchen towards the living room where our games night would take place, and I just stood giggling to myself and hiding my mouth behind my hand. It only lasted a few seconds before Harry elbowed me. “Ouch!” I cried. “What was that for?” “Do you mind?” He wailed, relatively quiet. “What have I done?” “Blushing over my best mate like a damn fool!” He scalded. “You’re my girlfriend!” “He’s really cute.” I teased. “Yes, Florence Daisy Valentines, he’s a bloody dreamboat, but have you forgotten, again, that you’re here to be my girlfriend?” “I may have let it slip my mind.” I exhaled. “He’s got those lil chubby cheeks and-” “You’re a bad girlfriend.” He tut. “Why don’t you break up with me then?” I stirred. “Because I don’t bloody want to!” I giggled again as I pinched at his waist, finally walking out of the kitchen and into the living room to join Liam and Adam who sat waiting whilst Harry prepared the drinks, and Janine remained upstairs searching through what games they had available. I was glad that no matter what we ended up playing, we were going to find some way to turn it into a drinking game. It felt like we were due a night of peaceful sleep. I had a lot of respect for Harry and the fact he didn’t let his drinking habit become completely out of hand. He worked with alcohol, and it had a very obvious soothing effect on him. He could have so easily developed a need for the liquor he consumed. Every time he drank enough, it saved him from an evening of horror, it protected him from a night of pain and screaming and torture. He had a strength that I couldn’t fathom, because I knew if I went through what he did, and knew there was a way I could escape it, I would use that escape no matter what the risks were. Harry really was unbelievably resilient. I had found myself in awe of his power. “WHAT DOES EVERYONE WANT TO DRINK?” Harry shouted from the kitchen. “I’LL HAVE A BEER!” Liam yelled. “MAKE THAT TWO!” Adam joined. “WHATEVER YOU’RE HAVING!” I whelped. The snow was coming down a little thicker and faster that night. It was crashing against the window violently, but as it hit the pane it was completely silent, unable to disturb us. I felt so good. My happiness was this hurried energy that I could physically feel thrashing through my veins. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to go back to the city, back to work and back to my reality. Reality meant therapy. Reality meant miserable midweek nights. Reality meant sleeping alone. Reality meant having my ‘breakup’ with Harry, and my parents questioning how the hell I’d let a boy like him slip through my fingers. Reality meant admitting that in the long run, maybe this fake relationship wasn’t the best thing to do in an attempt to make my parents happy, because the bite of our breakup was going to be harsh. I thought I would be able to turn it around, to tell my parents we had parted ways for entirely sensible reasons, something that would make me look good in the long run, but Harry had been so damn perfect I wasn’t sure I’d be able to think of something that would suffice. “OKAY OKAY!” Janine appeared with a mountain of boxes piled in her arms. “So we have Monopoly-” “I plan on leaving at some point in the next twenty-four hours,” Liam groaned. “So I’m going to have to say no to Monopoly.” “Oh, okay that’s fair.” She placed them all down on the low table in the centre of the room. “Scrabble?” “YES, SCRABBLE!” Harry appeared, juggling four cans of beer. “No! Not Scrabble!” Liam argued. “It’s boring.” Harry didn’t say anything, but I could tell from the scowl on his face that he had taken that as a personal offence. I’m surprised he didn’t throw the beer in his face to be honest. “Buckaroo?” She suggested next. “YES!” Liam was happy with that one. “We have to!” “Why does Liam get to decide?” “Because he’s the guest!” She retorted. “Ren’s a guest too!” “Ren is your girlfriend, Harry, which basically makes her family, not a guest.” “Also,” I raised my hand. “I would pick Buckaroo over Scrabble.” I could literally see how offended Harry was by everything he’d heard in the past minute, his brows were screwed in the centre and his lips pouted, shaking his head at the lot of us. Even Harry’s grumpy face was absolutely adorable. He moved to pass me the beer, but of course he had to press the freezing cold thing against my face like a fool rather than just giving it to me like a normal person. “You bastard!” I huffed, grabbing it from his hand. He leaned down and kissed me briefly, his attempts weakened by his enormous grin before he darted back into the kitchen. “Mum, what do you want to drink?” “Whatever, I don’t give a shit.” She wheezed. “Trivial Pursuit?” “IS THAT TWISTER?” Liam leaned forward in his chair. “Huh?” “Tell me now, Janine, is that Twister?” “It is.” She smiled. “WE HAVE A WINNER!” Harry appeared a few moments later with what appeared to be whiskey on the rocks for his mother as Liam leaped towards the Twister box and began unpacking. As soon as Harry’s hands were free he advanced towards me once more, grabbing at my waist and pulling me close. He cupped my jaw and moved his lips to my temple as I gripped at his patterned shirt, closing my eyes and letting my lips play the signs of my contentment. “I can’t wait to see you attempt to do this.” He sniggered to my skin. “When I fall, I’m taking you down with me.” He continued to his rhythm of kisses against my skin until his lips had coiled round to my own, his hands moving to the back of my neck as he pulled my head closer to his and his plump lips engaged mine, leaving me flustered and bashful. The happiness I was experiencing, the sheer, unconcealed elation, was something I wanted to feel for the rest of my life. 42 The alcohol I’d consumed was helping to shield the cold air somewhat as I stood in the back garden with Liam, who was sucking on his cigarette. The Styles family had all gotten a little emotional over their love for one another and were sharing a group hug in the kitchen, and even though earlier on in the evening they’d said I was part of the family, I was still very aware that I didn’t have a place in the embrace, so we had left them to it. “You were extremely bad at Twister.” Liam noted. “I was, wasn’t I?” I groaned. “It’s the whole game, man. Having to be coordinated and… the whole not falling over thing… It’s not for me.” “How did you manage to break two glasses though?” “Well they were on the table and then I slipped and… Basically, I shouldn’t be trusted around anything that can break, because I will break it.” “Best be careful with my best mates heart then.” He raised his eyebrows. I smiled down to the floor, knowing that Liam had nothing to worry about, since Harry’s heart wasn’t something I actually possessed. But it was good to know we were doing a good job of convincing people we really were together. “Trust me, he’ll be fine.” I smirked. “It’s weird.” Liam spoke between inhales. “I’ve never seen him like this before.” “Never?” “Never.” He confirmed. “Even down to the way he looks at you, Ren. It’s mad. There must be something about ya.” “I don’t think so.” “Well I know. I’ve known him for years and I know what he’s like. Just… be gentle with him, alright? Past those biceps he’s a delicate soul.” “I know.” I heaved a sigh. “It’s one of my favourite things about him.” My drunken mind quickly ran over the fact that I had lots of favourite things about Harry. His curls, his aura, his fancy shirts, his golden heart, his flat and his cat and the fact that he was wonderful down to his core. After being in his company nonstop I really had thought that I’d stumble across something that wasn’t good, something that wasn’t completely engrossing. Harry had stumbled across many of my shortcomings during our time together, but it seemed as though he was faultless. It was hard to start my favourite things about Harry list, because I wasn’t sure it would ever end. “It’s nice to see him so happy.” Liam sighed. “He deserves it.” “He does.” I nodded. Harry did deserve someone who made him happy, truly happy, like in the way Liam thought I was making him. Harry deserved to fall in love and be with someone who could give him everything he warranted, someone who could help him and make him smile, someone who was just as perfect as he was. “I’m gunna come visit him for a night out at some point in the New Year.” Liam added. “Will you be around?” “Um… I… Yeah? I think so. I don’t know.” “You don’t know?” “No… Yeah… I’ll be there.” He gave me an extremely puzzled look, and I couldn’t blame him. Myself and Harry knew we were going to remain friends, even past our arrangement, but Liam was expecting to see us together again as a couple, which wasn’t something he was going to get. I couldn’t guarantee that I would be there when Liam went to visit his best friend, because even though we wanted to remain in one another’s lives, it wouldn’t be how Liam expected it to be. The situation had always been complicated, and ridiculous, but it was only just dawning on me that the aftermath of our faux affair would be just as complicated as the actual affair itself. “Well then I’ll see you in the new year.” He concluded, with questions still curtailing his eyes. “You will, promise.” I said firmly. “I’m gunna have to go home.” He threw his cigarette on the floor. “I’m not sure I can hack another drink.” “I need to sleep.” I yawned at the thought. Liam had been just about to step back indoors until I said that, and it stopped him. He looked to me, seemingly grave over his next words. “How’s he sleeping?” I swallowed my sadness, trying once again to remain strong even though his dreams weakened me quite apparently, because I was the only person other than Harry who had seen the dreams, and people were intrigued and concerned over the wellbeing of their loved one. “Still bad.” I mulled. “I… I do the best I can though.” “And I love you for it, Ren. I’ve never seen them but… I’ve heard them. It can’t be easy.” I shrugged, trying to abolish the solemn look on my face, because I was extremely aware that how the dreams affected me was the least of everyone’s worries, including my own. “As long as I’m there for him, I don’t really care.” He smiled, nodding his head to the floor and seemingly happy with my response. He moved and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before he let himself back inside, out of the cold. I followed swiftly behind, glad to be walking into happy faces. “I’m going home!” Liam bid. “Thank you so, so much for having me, and feeding me all your beer.” “Get home safe!” Adam demanded aggressively. “I LOVE YOU ALL!” He yelled as he ran to the front door. “BYE LIAM!” Harry waved. It wasn’t long after Liam had left that we all retreated to our rooms. It must have been the early hours of the morning, but I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d checked the hour. I was so wrapped up in our games night, in all the wonderful people who surrounded me, it kind of felt like I hadn’t wanted it to end. When I wandered into Harry’s room finally, I noticed that he’d found a vase, and placed the lavender atop the cabinet on my side of the bed. Butterflies propelled around my stomach. Once he’d closed his bedroom door, we began undressing in silence. I nearly tripped over myself as I bent down to retrieve his Joy Division t-shirt once again, but I managed to stay on my feet as Harry clambered back under his purple sheets in just his boxers, tucking himself in and completely snug by the time I joined him under the covers. I’d barely been in for a second before his hands were on my waist, and he was dragging me so the front of my body was surged with his. “Hey!” I giggled, pretending to fight his affections. He didn’t even say anything, he didn’t need to, because he knew my resistance was completely fabricated. All he did was grin, his eyes closed as our legs tangled, and the tip of my nose met his. We were quiet for a long time. I concentrated on his breathing, on the fact that even though he was totally relaxed and still, there was still a smile splaying his tender lips, totally subconscious and natural. I placed my cold hands on his jaw, and continued to stare, refusing to welcome sleep. After a while, he shot one eye open, scoping over my features. “Ren, go to sleep.” He instructed. “I am!” “You’re trying to make sure I’m okay, aren’t you?” “No.” “Liar.” “I just-” “Ren, don’t worry, I’ve been drinking, it’s fine.” He closed his eyes once more. “Besides, I know you’re here. I’ve got you.” “My eyes are here.” I hushed. That was the first time I’d brought up the whole eye thing without it being amidst his waking after a dream, and mentioning it then, I thought we’d joke about it, I thought we would poke fun and laugh over it. But we didn’t. “Exactly.” He whispered. “They’re all I need. You’re all I need.” Although I knew he’d been drinking, and I knew he’d be okay for the evening, I still watched him intently until I was sure he was fast asleep, that same smile still embracing his fat lips. His lips, that for some reason, I decided to kiss before I drifted into my slumber.