#and then felt good like Wow im so mature for thinking about this So Rationally

[aromistic]

was sad and going to post "someone pls come over and bash my head in 👉👈" and then I remembered something and now I'm very angry

[anastasiaskarsgard]

TO THE ANON THAT ASKED FOR A SMUTTY CHEATER BILL STORY HERE YA GO. I INITIALLY DELETED THE REQUEST BECAUSE I DONT CONDONE CHEATING BUT THEN I THOUGHT, ITS FAN FICTION. NO ONE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY AND IVE GOTTEN A FEW REQUESTS FOR THIS SO HERE YA GO.

Here’s part 1: https://anastasiaskarsgard.tumblr.com/post/188138288236/this-is-a-really-involved-request-so-im-breaking

And here is PART 2

Warning!!! Smut 18+ mature content.

As we pulled into the parking lot, everything hit me at once. I had literally witnessed my dog get murdered, the man I thought was perfect was Satan himself, I have no belongings, I don’t know anyone but Randi here. But then I remembered all the good like I was free, I’m not dead, I have the best friend in the whole world, I already found a job and got paid a lot for basically getting to be near the hottest guy ever and there’s photographic evidence, and literally the world is my oyster. I even get to go to Canada! Hayden Christensen lives there! I look over at Randi and can’t help but laugh when I see her sassy face. She is not a fan of feeling sorry for yourself. “Sorry, I’ll stop. They’re happy tears! I swear! I’m so happy I have you, and we’re going on this adventure. I’m just grateful.”

“Wow. Don’t cry Bitch. You’ll fuck up your make up.” my best friend joked.

I chuckled, and gave her a hug, then stood straight out of the car and let her lead the way to see if everyone had gotten a table together in Mortons.

We found everyone taking their seats. I took the closest open seat next to the photographer and Randi sat between Andy and Bill across from us. I didn’t want to look at Bill and have Randi give me shit, so I read the entire menu like 3 times to avoid looking up. We all ordered, and then Andy had the idea for everyone to introduce themselves:

“Ok since everyone is from all over the place, let’s do a fun little ice breaker. I’ll start. My name is Andy, I’m from the beautiful country of Argentina and I’m a Director as I’m sure you all know, let’s be more original, I know! Name your fear! I’m afraid of drowning.”

“My name is Randi, I’m from Kalamazoo Michigan, I’m an artist and I’m afraid of flying.”

“Ok hi everybody! I’m Bill, I’m from Stockholm Sweden, I’m a human and I’m afraid of being alone.”

I giggled like an idiot, froze and looked over at Randi, who was smiling at me, shaking her head. Dammit.

“My name is Barbara and I’m Andy’s sister, and I am afraid of creepy crawly things.”

“I’m Maria from Brazil, I am photographer and I fear bad lighting and flaky models. Thank goodness for Liv appearing like magic and save the day.” She smiled at me warmly and squeezed my hand.

I felt everyone’s eyes on me, and could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn't bear to look at Bill or Randi, so I stared down in my lap and could feel my face heating up. “I’m Liv from Las Vegas, I guess I’m a model for now and I’m afraid of being a failure, velociraptors, roller coasters, centipedes and public speaking.” I chuckled uncomfortably. I ramble when I’m nervous.

“I’m afraid of velociraptors as well,” Bill laughed. “Jurassic Park ruined me as a child.”

Everyone laughed heartily at Bill’s expense but I felt appreciative of him making my ridiculous fear seem more credible and drawing attention away from my obvious nervousness. I snuck a peek at him and he winked at me playfully.

I didn't know what to think of this beautiful man. My initial reaction to him had been negative. He seemed like every other snobby Hollywood type, complete with crazy girl problems, but as the day progressed, he surprised me over and over with how genuine he seemed to be.

As lunch went on, Randi and Maria were talking technical terms, so Bill and I looked at each other and just smiled and shrugged our shoulders. It wasn't like we were being ignored, just everyone except us was wrapped up in their own conversations. I was content with that too, but then an ice cube flew into my cleavage.

My eyes shot open and I observed a very amused Bill trying to contain his laughter but not doing a very good job.

”I promise I’m not an asshole. I have just been trying to get your attention since we got here. So how long you been in LA?” He asked me like i was the most interesting thing he’d ever encountered.

”What time is it? Less than 24 hours.”

His eyes went wide and he choked on his drink a bit, then began to laugh at himself . ”wow, and you already booked a major job? Who is your agent? Are you an actress or just gorgeous... I mean a model.”

”you are super smooth Bill. I’m kidding! Don’t pout you’ll get wrinkles.” I had to give him some shit. “I don’t have an agent because I don’t have any interest in fame at all.”

He looked impressed by that for some reason. ”so what brought you here?”

”Randi is my best friend, and I needed a change of scenery.” I said making sure to avoid eye contact. I knew I was just being paranoid, but I felt like he could look into my soul, with the intensity he was looking at me with. I’m a terrible liar, so I’m convinced if I look at him, he’ll see I’m not being honest. I didn't want to mention the literal hell id escaped to be here.

I could still feel his gaze on me, and I caught Andy looking between us with an unreadable expression. He's a director so he probably can read people really well.

Shit. I’m probably just being my normal neurotic psycho self. No one probably gives two shits about me, and this is all in my head. These people are famous and successful. I’m just another one of the millions of girls that they encounter in LA.

Maria tapped my shoulder. “Hi honey, can you switch seats with your friend? I want to show some my work?”

I smiled and agreed, but the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy as I took my seat by Bill. He was texting so I got my phone out to play a game or two. Suddenly I felt Bill’s leg press up against mine. I looked over at him, but he just continued with his phone, but was clearly smirking. Just then The food arrived and I was famished, so all other thoughts were abandoned.

“Wow! You eat real food!” Andy exclaimed.

“Oh it’s not fair! Liv has always eaten whatever she wants and doesn’t gain a pound.” Randi whined.

I blushed feeling all the attention on myself again. I wanted to fade into my surroundings like a chameleon. “I like to eat.”

I looked at Bill and he was off his phone but I could tell he was watching me as he ate.

“What?” I asked finally, when he didn’t stop looking at me.

“You’re very interesting.” He said.

“How?” I scoffed.

“Well for starters you’re drop dead gorgeous but you don’t like being the center of attention. Am I right?”

“I wouldn’t go with drop dead gorgeous, maybe conventionally attractive. There’s not really anything wrong with me, but there’s nothing to write home to your mother about either.”

He chuckled. “See? There you go again. You’re humble and funny too.”

I could feel my face burning so I excused myself to go use the restroom, but Bill said he’d show me where it was since he needed to smoke and make some calls.

I was fully aware where it was, but agreed and figured I’d let him show me. He turned before we reached the bathroom and he opened a door that appeared to almost blend in to the wall, revealing a very plush, luxurious bathroom with a large vanity.

“Oh my gosh is this like the Secret VIP potty?” I asked. I had always heard about secret lounges and VIP cool stuff so I was ecstatic to actually see one. I probably seemed like such a dork but I didn’t care.

“Something like that.” He said following me inside and locking the door behind him. I turned around to tell him there only appeared to be one toilet, when he took a couple steps and closed the distance between us and kissed me, pinning me against the wall.

He pulled back and looked down into my eyes, “I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you.” He said deepening the kiss again.

I stepped aside to move out from under him and caught my breath. “Your girlfriend though!”

“It’s over with her. It’s been stale a long time” He said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. “Don’t worry, I'm sick of her. I much rather have you. Do you have a boyfriend?” He pulled me against him again and my God the man was so good looking.

“Nope. I’d have kicked you if I did, I’m not a cheater.” I couldn’t believe his lips were on me. I tried to think and get ahold of myself and be rational, but as he kissed down my neck and groped my breasts, it was getting hard to remember why this wasn’t the best idea ever.

“. Listen, you’re very attractive Bill. Like best looking guy I’ve ever seen attractive, and I’m flattered, but we should get back. They’re gonna wonder.”

“This dress is killing me though, and youre so so beautiful.” He groaned lustilly, as he slowly slid my dress’ strap down, continuing his way down, kissing down my throat to my chest. He exposes my breast and looks up to make sure I wasn’t going to object, but when I just bit my lip, he placed his mouth on my nipple, suckling at my breast. He releases it with a popping sound, and slips a hand under my skirt, rubbing me through my panties, as he sucksin a breath through his teeth, before going for my other breast. This motherfucker is gonna kill me. How can one man be so hot and what did I do in a past life to deserve this shit? Seriously universe? How do I carry on knowing his tongue was on my nipple?

He hiked my skirt up to brush his fingertips across my folds. He bit my bottom lip and then pulled his hand out from under my skirt, and sensually tasted his fingers before leading me to the large round cushioned ottoman at the vanity, trying to get me to sit.

“What are you up to? You’re - this is so bad.” I tell him as he pushes me down lightly as he kisses me passionatly.

He looked deep in my eyes. “Please let me taste you and make you feel good. I don’t expect anything from you and I don’t do this type of thing ever, but I’ve honestly never wanted to see what someone tastes like more in my life.”

FUCK. Who in the hell could say no to that?

All I could do is nod, too shocked to fully comprehend that this was really happening.

He got on his knees in front of me and I couldn’t help but admire his gorgeous features. As crazy as it sounds, he had the most beautiful bone structure; severe and angular, yet it was offset by his big green eyes with their long sweeping lashes, luscious plump full lips, and adorable perfect little child-like nose. His hair was silky and thick and he smelled like mint and soap.

I watched as he pulled my underwear off and placed them in his pocket, before leaning me back with one hand, as the other lifted my dress. He bit my inner thigh gently, but still sent a thrill up my spine causing me to visibly shudder.

“I haven’t even started yet,” he smirked up at me cockily, before pressing his mouth to my sex before I had time to reply. I’d had my pussy eaten before, but nothing like this. There was no sign of nervousness or insecurity that some men display when they go down there. Like you can tell they’re not sure what the fuck to do, but Bill was sure of himself and seemed to genuinely love doing it. He was so enthusiastic and it felt so amazing. I never had done something like this in my life, and wouldn’t even kiss on a first date, yet here I am. I was scandalized and aroused, and so close to an orgasm it was shocking.

“You gonna cum for me baby?. I love how you look right now.... Cum on my face.... please?” He pleaded and pushed another finger inside of me. I couldn’t look at him. It was all too much.

I let out a moan as he moved his fingers and tongue in such a combined effort, that I reached out and gripped his hair, pressing his face against me as my release crashed down on me, violently shaking me, and making everything go white, as it wound down. It was seriously one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had, and it took me longer than a polite amount of time to realize I was still holding his face, and immediately released him”I’m so sorry, I didn't realize I- .”

“Sshhh.” He said chuckling and came up and kissed me deeply. “Can you taste yourself on me?”

I nodded shyly, looking away to break eye contact. He was so intense and I wasn’t sure what he would want me to do to return the favor.

He put his finger under my chin and pulled my face back over to look in his eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

I looked back at him, waiting to see what he did next. I was surprised he wasn't taking his pants off, but was too shy to try and take them off myself. I really wanted to though, and that surprised me. I wanted him to fuck me and wasn’t going to think about it, just do it. Like Nike.

He stood up and helped me to my feet, and helped smooth my dress out. He pulled me into another kiss and I could feel how excited he was.

“Let me make you feel nice now.” I mentally scolded myself for saying something so not sexy but just looked up at him with my best doe eyed look.

“You’re so cute. Don’t worry about me, just yet. I don’t want a quickie in a bathroom with you, I want like a bed and many. many. hours. I want to impress you.”

“I’m fucking impressed Bill.”

He chuckled and bit his lip, and you could see the wheels turning. “I really want to fuck you but I also don’t wanna be too long and full disclosure, Andy threatened serious bodily harm not to touch you. Said you’re a heartbreaking man eater.”

“Randi advised me to avoid you because you’re a foreign actor that’s too good looking for his own good. You’re obviously a monster.”

We both got a good laugh out of that.

“What’s your phone number?” He asked taking out his phone.

“I don’t currently have one. I need to get one. I lost mine yesterday.”

He looked at me incredulously. “If you don’t want to give me your number it’s ok.”

“No. Take Randi’s number, that’s the phone I was using earlier anyways, that way you can call, cuz I don’t have a pen or anything.”

“How about your email, and then you can send me your number when you get it. Randi might catch on if I call her phone.”

“You’re so smart! You’ll see me in a week on your new movie too.”

“Really? That’s the best news I got all day but if you think I’m waiting a week to be inside you, you’re insane. Now go, just say I went to smoke and make calls if they ask where I am. I’ll give it a couple minutes.”

I gave him my email and walked out the door to go try and act like the hottest fucking thing to ever happen in my life, didn’t just go down. When I turned the corner, I nearly threw up and cane to a screeching halt. I met eyes with the estranged exgirlfriend. I didn’t wanna seem weird so I smiled and sat down to finish my meal, since turning around and running the other direction might bad. I mean as far as I was concerned he was single, so I had no reason to feel guilty of anything. And I didn’t plan on admitting that happened to anyone, so not telling her was totally fine. She tapped on my arm and I cautiously turned to her.

“Did you see Bill by chance?” She asked politely.

“He said he was smoking and making some important calls when he left the table earlier.”

She laughed a little and rolled her eyes, “that man and his cigarettes! I blame Hemlock Grove for turning him into a chainsmoker. He’s probably smoked two or three in a row.”

“All this talk about smoking makes me want one, I’ll go find him. Excuse me ladies.” Andy said, as he quickly walked towards the exit to find Bill.

“He’s probably going to warn Bill that I’m here. We got in a fight earlier and he can be such a brat. Watch when he comes back, he’ll pretend like nothing happened.”

Maybe she didn’t realize he really was done with her. She had a funny accent so I assumed she’s Swedish too. He was probably her only friend out here so I couldn’t help but pity her.

“Between silent treatments and smoking, Bill would be dead by morning.” Randi said with a mischievous wink.

“Oh if you could see his hissy fits, they’re the worst!” She enthused. “Anything in his hands he’ll throw and if it’s something like a sandwich or drinks and won’t hurt you, he’ll throw it on you. But then if I try and ignore him, he’ll lay on me like a big dead weight until I speak.” His girlfriend said, laughing hysterically. Everyone joined in telling stories of past boyfriends that were grown men, having varying degrees of tantrums, but I just sat silently. My ex story wasn’t funny.

Andy and Bill came back and I could feel an anxiety attack creeping up on me.

I looked up and Bill was staring at me and I looked to Randi and she had a puzzled look on her face. In an effort to not give anything away to her, my eyes shot back up to Bill.

Bill looked furious. He seethed animosity and I just looked down at my plate to avoid that glare. I wasn't sure if I was the cause or she was, but I desperately wanted to run out of the place screaming and looked at Randi again pleading with my eyes to go. She seemed to catch on and I tried to keep it together.

His ex got up and rushed over to him. Just as I looked up, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek. My eyes narrowed involuntarily as he glanced over at me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. His girlfriend grabbed his face and kissed him right on the lips.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Tears threatened to spill but I held them back as I stared at my lap. I kept seeing Bill’s eyes as he looked up at me from between my legs. Flashes of him pinning me to the wall, or oh my fucking god! My underwear are in his pocket!

My pussy is on his face too and he just kissed her.

He seemed so genuine, but he was an actor, what did I expect. Faking Feelings and emotions was how he paid the bills. I couldn’t believe how stupid and guillable I was! He probably got off on this shit. Poor woman. I was exaggerating when I’d said he was a monster but goddammit I was right!!!

”Ok thank you for inviting us and I can't wait to see whoever is going to join us in Toronto, but Liv and I must be off for an important appointment and then packing.” Randi said her goodbyes as I walked around the table and stood beside her, keeping my back to Bill.

”Bye everybody. I had fun” I said Sweetly and then I turned on my heel and walked past Bill without a glance.

”See you two in Toronto.” Bill called after us, and even though I refused to look at him, I could feel his eyes burning into my back as we walked away.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! Im an ENFP, no doubt. Lately I'm not feeling like myself and noticed I'm in the Ne-Te loop. I was never too good with emotions. I recently made the decision to work on my feelings, but I don't know what could make me work on me Fi. I've been writing all my life, but maybe theater? I don't know how to develop Fi to something more mature... Thanks!

I decided at some point, at around, oh, twelve that I was not going to be all emotional and relationship-minded like other girls (ha, ha, sure) and decided to focus more on developing logical precision and being rational. It worked. Many people, if they did not see me burst into tears for no discernible reason, would not assume I am a feeler, and a lot of people online don’t either. So, I hear ya.

The problem with resisting emotional development (Ne/Te looping for long periods of time) is you do not learn to control your feelings, so when they do manifest, you have a hard time being rational about them or knowing how to handle them. For example, you might burst into tears at a time you really do not want to and have no control over it; or you might fall deeply in love and all your common sense and rationality scatters to the wind, because you do not know the first thing about dealing with romantic feelings, much less feelings, period. And then you might do something stupid for which you will Te-kick yourself later.

You may not like what I’m about to say, but… the first way to learn to deal with your feelings is to allow yourself to have them. All of them. That pain you have been avoiding, those hurt feelings that you shunt aside by sucking in your gut and saying, “I am tough,” you have to let it slam into you. You have to force yourself to experience it, to go through it, to FEEL it, so you can become familiar with it and work through it, in order to get past it. That anger you have been channeling into passive-aggression? You have to stare it in the face, and deal with it, and actually do something with and about it, rather than shoving it deep down inside and ignoring it, in the hope it will go away instead of festering. You have to allow yourself to become emotionally invested in people, to form bonds and build connections that are deep, while knowing you could get hurt. You have to let yourself fall in love or, instead of packing it in and running for the hills when it gets tough, be emotionally vulnerable with another person.

You could start writing in a diary each night, and focus on your emotions; putting it into words, how you felt when things happened, your fears, your feelings about what is happening in the world, etc. Be raw. Unfiltered. No one is going to read it. No one should ever see it. Be as petty, and as childish, and as emotional as you need to be, in order to look at what you wrote and say, “Wow… okay then. So that’s what I have to work on.” It’s a place to start.

Acting is great, but you cannot channel what isn’t there. You can fake it, but that will not put you in touch with your own emotions – unless you want to cry in a class and find out you cannot stop, and are not sure WHY you’re crying. If you bottle up things long enough, they tend to explode.

Sometimes, it can be useful to allow yourself to be emotional with fiction. As a writer, you understand the power of a story and the essential need it has to build an emotional component to reach the audience. Let yourself feel other people’s stories. Invest in them. React to them. Scream at Professor Umbridge. Cry over certain characters’ deaths. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to be human.

You are, whether you want to be or not.

As an ENFP, you are a feeler. As someone whose natural focus lies on the external world, you have an incredible capacity to be wise in assessing humans and their relationships; your Ne gives you insight and your Te can shape what you have to share into wisdom, but if you neglect Fi, or fail to understand or appreciate what ‘drives’ people on an emotional level, you will not be as precise, as understanding, as deep, or as nuanced as you need to be when interacting with them. You will dismiss and under-regard the strength of your own feelings as a core motivator; or you will chase after success, without realizing your heart must be in it, for you to create anything worthwhile.

Fi is as much about ‘what I feel strongest about’ as it is learning to channel intense emotions. YOU NEED TO CARE.

FPs cannot self-motivate with any degree of ambition or success unless they care about what they are doing. Only pursue projects, hobbies, and ideas that makes your Fi happy or arouses some deep, primal instinct in your soul. Expose yourself to new ideas, beliefs, and opinions, and invite yourself to form a moral opinion on them, before you argue from a Te-based viewpoint. Yes, you can list a dozen good factual reasons why the death penalty is necessary or horrible, but how do YOU, personally, feel about the death penalty? Or abortion? Or assisted suicide? Or any number of other causes? What does your Fi say?

Ne has a problem of adopting everyone else’s opinions and allowing it to stamp Fi into oblivion; the next time it happens, stop yourself, consult your Fi, invite it to take a stand, and LISTEN. How DO I feel about this? Learn to ask yourself, “Do I really agree with this perspective or is it someone else’s idea rubbing off on me?” Divorce yourself from the world’s ideas, from the morals your parents taught you, and ask yourself new questions: what do I think/feel about this? And why? What do I care about? Why?

What are my core values? What are my morals? What will I tolerate, what will I not tolerate, and how can I stand up for myself if I must defend my position?

Fi is your beacon in the darkness. It is where all the information Ne collects goes to be sorted and judged. It’s good you want to develop it; you need it.

- ENFP Mod

[mochimim]

Dead Leaves - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word count: 2.3k

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Warnings: nah not yet

Summary: Don’t fall in love. Promise me.“ She said, gripping onto my arm.

“I promise.”

A/N: Hihi!! I’m back with another chapter HAHAHA tumblr was a dick and deleted my last update a few days ago :( but it’s here again whooo so please receive this fic well and i love yalls :)  Also i based Hye Gi on my friend Erin aka @taechubs so check her out!! ++ check out my ao3 (and comment bc im a thirsty hoe)!!

I peered around the corner. Seokjin was there with two of his friends. They were talking very loudly about… aesthetic colours?

“Guys, the most aesthetic colour is red. I mean, look at it, it’s created to be aesthetically pleasing.” A red-haired boy told his friends.

“Are you demented? The most aesthetic colour is obviously black. You can’t go wrong with black.” The boy pointed to the hair on his head, beaming at the two other boys.

Seokjin had a look of mock disgust on his face. “Guys, the only acceptable answer is blonde. Psh, obviously.” He scoffed. The younger boys scrunched up their faces and disagreed in unison. I chuckled at their child-like behaviour, but I assumed that they would be talking about who to take to the prom since it was right around the corner.I didn’t have much time to laugh because I was going to apologise there and then.

I took a deep breath and walked out of the shadows. While shuffling towards them, I gave myself a pep talk. You can do this, you are strong, put your dignity aside and just apologise and get over it. I tapped on Seokjin’s shoulder. The broad-shouldered boy turned around and we locked eyes. “I...I just wanted to apologise to you about yesterday. I’m sorry.” I felt my face getting hotter as I spoke. His unamused expression turned into an excited one as I held out a box of cookies that I had slaved away the night before to do. He took the box and held it to his chest. He closed his eyes and sighed blissfully. He quickly opened the box and stuffed one of the cookies into his mouth.

“You’re forgiven.” He sprayed cookie crumbs everywhere. His two friends at the back were giggling at their hyung. The red haired one came out from behind Seokjin first, followed by the black haired one.

“Hello Noona! My name is Taehyung but you can call me Taetae if you like.” The red haired boy smiled cheekily. He was an outgoing one, very confident.

“Hi Noona, my name is Jimin, but you can call me Minnie.” The raven haired boy smiled shyly. He seemed like a good kid, mature and cute.“Hi Noona! My name is Seokjin, but you can call me Jin.” Seokjin mimicked his dongsaengs’ cute tone. I shook my head in disbelief. I grinned at the young boys. “My name is Y/N, it’s nice to meet you both.”

“Y/N noona, how do you know Jin hyung?” Taehyung asked. I looked at Seokjin who shook his head vigorously. I nodded back at him. “I accidentally hurt him, so I came to apologise by giving him cookies.” The two boys covered their mouths and laughed. I smiled fondly, they seemed like little children. They both nodded in unison, making me laugh again. I turned to the left and caught Seokjin’s gaze. We awkwardly stared at each other for a little while, and I decided to initiate a conversation.

“So…..” I cringed a little inside. “What are you guys doing for the Winter Prom? Who are y’all bringing?” All 3 boys blushed bright red.

“Ah, yes. We have asked many people to be our date.” Taehyung declared, in contrast to his burning face. “Many people have said yes.” Jimin nodded vigorously.

“Yes, noona. Ma...many people. Certainly.” More like uncertainly. Jin just rolled his eyes. “No, I haven’t asked anyone yet.” I shot him a confused look. He was good-looking, pretty kind from what I had observed, and he usually had a group of girls ogling him, probably just wanting to get in his pants. How hard could it be to just pick one dumb blonde out of the group and take her to the prom? Anyway, in our society, he didn’t even have to get attached. He wasn’t picking out a wife or anything, it was just picking out a girl to go to a lame social event to and then dumping her at her own house later. “How about you?” I nonchalantly shrugged.

“No, I’m actually not planning on going.” The two younger boys’ jaws dropped and their eyes bulged out of their heads. “I feel like it’s a waste of time.” It was, though. It was going to be held in the gymnasium, which already smelled like feet and whatever the small kid in the last class had for lunch. I was going to be surrounded by people that I didn’t even care about, and would have no association to once I took the pill. The incompetent douchebag who asked me to go with him would probably ditch me, and i would find him at some corner afterwards making out with some other chick. Like I said, waste of time. Jin and his dongsaengs probably thought that I was insane. This was the only night that we could get bat shit drunk in the school premises, and everything that the drunk students did was not held against them.

The year before, a few sober students pretended to be drunk, and egged the principal’s car. This might sound crazy, and illegal ,but no one cares about anything because they don’t have emotions. And they don’t, so why would they care? I nodded at the boys and turned away to walk to my next class, but Jin grabbed a hold of my arm. I stared at him in alarm. What the hell was he doing? I tugged on my arm and he let go almost immediately. I rubbed the part where he grabbed me, and looked into his eyes. He seemed calm, but i felt like he was screaming at me to stay. I snuck a look at the shocked younger boys. They stared wide-eyed at their hyung, stunned at the sudden grasp. The blonde looked at them with a blank stare -from what I saw- and they quickly scrambled away. He turned to me with a small smile on his face. “You’re so lame, prom is fun.” I rolled my eyes. Just then, the class bell rang. I turned to him, hoping that he would get the hint that I really had to leave, but he just linked his arm with mine. “I have English next period, let’s go together.” My eyes widened in utter panic. He must be crazy, I thought, as he walked down the hallway with me.

There were guys pointing in confusion and girls glaring in envy. Everyone was puzzled as to why he was linking arms with a girl no one had ever seen before, including me. I had never seen him in a romantic light, and I doubt that he had ever seen me in that way as well, so why was he being all coupley with me? I was so horrified at what he had done, making me look like I was some girl who he was dating, making me look like one of the goddamn fools that…

But, even though I was upset with him, I still chose to sit with him in English. We sat at the back of the class, causing a ruckus, laughing so loudly that the teacher had to ask us to shut up.

A few weeks after that, he invited me to some halloween party in some secluded part of Seoul. I was hesitant at first, but he assured me that it was safe. I ended up going as the Joker, and having a blast. He went as a male Harley Quinn and I kind of teased him when he came to my apartment to pick me up.

“Jin?” I squinted at the tall boy with pink and blue chalked hair. He twirled around in his halloween outfit. “That’s right Puddin’!” I choked on the smoothie that I was sipping and spluttered smoothie chunks on him. His face was contorted with disgust, and he used my hand to wipe off any stray food that was sprayed on his costume. “I think my Harley Quinn outfit looks awesome!” He self-proclaimed. I nodded as if I agreed. “Yeah, very awesome.” I taunted sarcastically. He shook his head in defeat. “You’re just saying that I look like shit, inside you’re thinking ‘wow look at him, he looks amazing!’” I might have opened my mouth to defend myself, but I couldn’t find a flaw in his statement. He was completely, and annoyingly, spot on.

We had a great time at the party, but all we did was sit in a small corner and make fun of the people who tried very hard, but failed miserably. There was a guy who came in a trash bag, saying that he went as himself. There was a girl who just wore lingerie, and shivered in the biting air. After the party, we sneaked out to a small diner nearby and we ate pancakes in our ridiculous outfits, probably startling and confusing those around us.

Since that day, our friendship bloomed. It mostly consisted of corny jokes and stifled laughter from both parties. He introduced me to his friends, all 6 of them. They seemed like kind people who cared deeply for Jin. Namjoon looked at the world in a very philosophical way, often spewing thought-provoking questions that made everyone have an existential crisis. Yoongi was a quiet guy with a killer taste of music. Hoseok liked to laugh, and would dance at any given moment. Taehyung was just, Taehyung, usually confused but had a big heart. Jimin was his smiley self, radiating positivity and happiness everywhere he went. Jungkook was a fighter, tall and strong, and would 100% beat your sorry ass in any given sport. They were all amazing friends, and Jin was blessed to have these companions.

And I introduced him to my only friend, Hye Gi. She was thrilled to meet him, and said that she was dying inside, obviously, but she seemed calm during their introduction. She was my best friend, my wingwoman, my platonic soulmate. She was a rational person who ran on logic, although she could do some crazy stuff when she was under pressure. She was my favourite person in the entire world, and I was hers (i hope). We knew each other since we were 8 and we bonded over our love for a red lego that had a sticker of a dolphin stuck to it. Jin found that last fact adorable, to which Hye Gi giggled uncontrollably at. We might have been close, but we were as similar as night and day. I was a pretty pessimistic person, she was optimistic as hell. She looked at the world in a different light from me, which I found endearing. I cared for her with all my heart, and Jin took an interest to her, which she squealed to me after.

As Jin and I got closer, I noticed little details about him that any passerby would just ignore. I noticed the way he told me about his family, about his Mario and Maple Story figurines, about how he missed Gwacheon, his hometown. He spoke with such enthusiasm, such happiness and sincerity, that I couldn’t help but fall for him. It was sudden, hitting me out of the blue on a random Tuesday in October, but it was undeniable. I had fallen for Kim Seokjin.

It was really just a random Tuesday. We were hanging out in the school library, trying to study. Well, I was trying to study, he was just fooling around like usual. I had a history test the next week, so I was trying to cram. “Y/nnnnnnnnnn…” He sang. “Stop studying. Let’s go to a coffeeshop and we can binge on cakes and sweet drinks.” I pushed him away. “Go away Jinnie. I’m trying to study.” He continued to whine to me about how he needed sugar. I sighed in frustration. “Kim Seokjin, I envy you. You are cool, you get all the girls, and you don’t even have to study to get good grades. But, I’m not like you. So please let me study, or leave me alone.” He was silent after my harsh words. I felt terrible, I wanted to apologise for my rude behaviour.

“You think i’m cool?” He grinned mischievously, earning a loud groan from me that caused many “eager learners” to shush me. He did aegyo to try and convince me to leave the library, and that did it for me. I got up, packed my things, and dragged him off to the nearest coffeeshop. He cheered happily and I looked into his eyes and fell deeply in love. They contained so many emotions, both happy and sad ones, and I got lost in them.

Many sleepless nights followed that fateful day, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Before, I was a drunken asshole who bought liquor every night just to “drown my sorrows”, but now I was a sober, slightly-less-of-an-asshole all thanks to him. I had changed for the better because of him and I hadn’t even known it. Although I hadn’t fallen in love just yet, I was still smitten by him. It’s not love, it’s infatuation, I kept telling myself, and I believed it. I didn’t feel the strong emotions that came with teenage love yet, but I got flustered every time he held my hand, or pushed my hair behind my ears. To him, it was probably just an everyday thing, but my heart fluttered every time. I wanted to tell Hye Gi about my feelings, seeing as she was the only person that I trusted, but she liked him as well. I was caught in a web of feelings, and I couldn’t get out.

I opened my locker after Psychology. It was a tiring day, and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep for at least 4 years. But, all that was in the way was lunch period and Algebra. I was planning to find an empty classroom and sleep until Algebra, but my grumbling stomach suggested otherwise. My plan was to buy a sandwich, and sleep in a random quiet place till my next period. As I was thinking of my plan, my fingers brushed against a pink envelope. It had my name on it, and it was in Jin’s infamous chicken scrawl. My curiosity got the best of me and i tore the letter open.

Dear Y/N, Meet me in the Music Room as soon as you get this letter. I’ll be waiting for you.

Love, Jin

I was very confused at this slightly ominous letter. Why did he want to meet me in the music room? What was so private that he had to ask me to go all the way to the other side of the school? As I was rushing to the Music Room, Jimin stopped me in my tracks, wearing a very afraid expression on his small face.

“Noona? Could I ask you something?” He nervously asked. Although he was way taller than me, I wanted to squish his cheeks and wrap him in thousands of blankets, he seemed so innocent and cute. Out of all of Jin’s friends, I was the closest to him, thinking of him as my younger brother. “Yes Minnie?” I asked, genuinely concerned. His face burned an alarming red, he seemed very distressed.

“I know that you were not planning on going to the Winter Prom, but...but I was just wondering if you could go with me?” I covered my smile with the back of my hand. He was so sweet, a being that needs to be protected at all costs. “Why do you want me, Jiminie? You’re good looking, sweet, gentlemanly, and not to mention ,a great dancer.Why wouldn’t anyone not want to go with you?” I boosted his self-esteem, holding his small hands in mine and reassuring him. His gaze diverted to the floor, like the tiles were the most interesting thing in the world. “All the girls that I asked already had dates, and I don’t have a lot of friends that are girls.” He looked so desperate and sad, there was no way on this earth that I could say no.

“Of course I will Minnie. Anything for you.” I stood on tiptoes and ruffled his dark hair. His nervous expression quickly turned into a happy one, his eyes curving into crescent moons, showing an eye smile that would turn melt any girl. “Thank you Y/N noona!” He pulled me into a tight hug that I reciprocated. As salty and bitter as I was, Jimin would always soften me right up. We stayed in that position for a while, until I realised that I had to see Jin. I immediately jumped up at the sudden realisation, briefly filled Jimin on the situation and ran away at full speed. I felt like a character in an old cartoon, you know the ones where they run and their legs turn a full circle? That’s how fast I was running.

When I reached the Music Room, I scanned the room and he wasn’t there, he had already left. I bent down at the door, my lungs getting as much oxygen as it could as I tried to catch my breath. I was too late. Now I wasn’t going to know what the hell he wanted. What if it was really important?

“You’re here.” A quiet voice from behind startled me. “I thought that you were just going to ditch me.” I turned around and saw Jin with a soft expression.

“Why would I ditch you?” I laughed. He grinned back, but his smile seemed forced, it was short of something. His lips seemed to quiver, he kept wiping his hands on his pants. I tilted my head. “What did you want though?” He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. He took my hands and kneeled on the floor. My breath got caught in my throat.

“Will you go to prom with me?”