#and then feeling like i need to do /that/ on a regular basis

[thestrangestthlng]

Thoughts and prayers rants...

So, now that I've had almost 48 hours to marinate on this and cycled through my emotions, I am in a much better headspace to talk on the whole 9-1-1 of it all.

But this bears repeating: We fell in love with Tommy because he made Buck fall in love with Evan.

So, first and foremost, I've decided that canon stopped for me at 8x05. lol. I am going to continue with my BT train like that shit show didn't happen. And for me, for a while, I am going to let the show end there. I will go back, probably after the hiatus, but not how I was. I do love all the characters on this show (some more than others) and I still want to be able to see their journey, but I need a break from that manipulation stunt. I'm still going to share all the positive BT stuff I see and all the beautiful Lou content I see.

Secondly, now that I am over the initial hurt of the breakup, I'm just mad. We were manipulated intentionally with 8x05 for us to feel worse when the break up happened. That was unnecessary. And that was cruel. And I know that a lot of this is because it was the icing on a shit week. Emotions were already raw due to the election and it was reallllllyyyy bad timing for this, but that doesn't make the way they did it okay, just that it can explain why there was such a strong reaction for many of us, on top of the completely justified anger.

Breakups happen, and that's okay. If it was the end of Tommy's time on the show, that's okay. I am a Buck girlie and I always will be. But... the breakup was reductive, stereotypical, and just poor storytelling. I get they want to leave doors open a crack, because you never truly know, but turning him into an OOC stereotypical biphobic gay man is disgusting. You had this beautiful thing and you shat on it. I am going to do another post about my personal relationship with groundbreaking storylines next.

That was a miscommunication. That was a breakup where someone chases after you and is like wtf actually just happened. It felt like whiplash, because that is not how breakups are formulated in media. You know how else you could have written him out of the story?

At the date (and the basketball tickets are actually a really sweet touch when you think about it) Tommy could have told Buck that he got a job offer in another city or state or that his parents are ill and he has to go home to take care of them and asked Buck to go with him. At the apartment, it could have been buck telling him that as much as he could see a future with him, he can't go with him.

Would it have sucked? Yes. But it wouldn't have induced this amount of rage.

For over six months Lou and BTs have been at the receiving amount of a ton of vitriol. And that's not to say that there weren't antagonizers on this side of the fence or that BTs never did anything wrong, but this isn't a both sides bullshit piece. People can suck everywhere, but only one "side" harassed an actor and his family with death threats, he read about the "stoning" calls, used slurs on a regular basis. All of this persisted for months for it to turn out that he was the only one who seemed to give a shit about the story and it's representation. There honestly doesn't seem like there would have been anyone better for it.

You know what's ironic? It was the Buddie's hate and vitriol that pulled me into fandom and made me love Tommy and then Lou. When they would run their mouths, I would look into it and I found a man who genuinely seems like (he is still someone we don't know) a wonderfully kind, sweethearted, genuine man. He looks like a bundle of light and his smile can warm even the coldest hearts. So their vitriol made me a fan. So thanks BoBs.

Buck and Tommy wasn't just about Buck's queerness and definitely not about "wanting to see two white men kiss". It was about our love for Buck. We saw him happier and more fulfilled than he's ever been. We see his life being lived and full of love and stuff and joy.

Again:

We fell in love with Tommy because he made Buck fall in love with Evan.

And you know what, not matter how reductive and all the phobics that breakup was, they can never take that away from us.

[captain-hawks]

hello. help. i need to know... does the sex with atsumu + kita on the phone happen again? does it become a regular thing? does it grow into something more? how does kita react the next time he sees you? please HELP. that was the hottest thing ive ever read.

18+

a month passes without any mention of The Incident, until atsumu's on the phone with kita one night grousing about some mistakes he made during a jackals game the day before (because kita watches all of his games, and he knows his old captain will give him honest criticism).

not realizing that he's on the phone, you stride into the bedroom after a shower in nothing but a towel and tell atsumu that his "24 hours of punishing himself with sexless moping" are up.

"yer quite the masochist, huh," kita chuckles on the other end of the phone, and between the raspy, amused sound of his friend's voice and the sight of your still-wet body as you drop your towel to the floor in front of him, atsumu's suddenly painfully hard.

"want me to call ya back?" atsumu asks kita slowly, carefully.

kita's quiet for a moment. "think i'll wait."

"how should i make atsumu feel better, kita-san?" you ask as you watch atsumu switch over to speakerphone.

(atsumu comes so hard that night, he nearly passes out.)

--

though you've yet to actually discuss what exactly it is that the three of you are doing, it keeps happening. sometimes, atsumu doesn't even say anything at first when he dials kita late at night while he's in the middle of easing your tight hole open—he just lets him listen to you moan and pant and whine until his cock is buried to the hilt, a violent shudder of a groan running up his own spine when he feels the way your cunt clenches hard as kita softly says "good girl."

the two of you have kita over for dinner two months into whatever the fuck is going on, and it's almost maddening how calm he is when he arrives. like he hasn't been listening to you and atsumu fucking over the phone on a regular basis (like you haven't heard the wet, sloppy sounds of him falling apart as he fists his cock in tandem).

it's not until you're all sitting on the couch after dinner that atsumu finally speaks up and says, without any further lead in, "i wanna be the one to watch this time."

kita asks you before he moves. before he touches you, before he kisses you. and atsumu's barely got his hand wrapped around his own cock as he watches before kita's grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and kissing him, too. (atsumu comes all over his chest in thick, heavy spurts after desperately fucking kita's tight fist, kita's spit-covered lips oscillating messily between the two of you while you're cradled in his lap and bouncing on his cock.)

(anyway yeah after an all-night sex-a-thon this ends in a maturely negotiated and adequately discussed polyship<3)

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

i love having you home - Cole Caufield

Word Count - 2.9k

Author's Note - Thank you as always for reading and being patient with me as I get back into writing on a semi more regular basis.

Warnings - smut with very little plot, mentions of masturbation, male receiving.

Summary - Cole comes home from a very long and disappointing roadie, and he finds his girlfriend asleep on the coach. He decides to wake her up, to tell her that he's home, but what happens when in her groggy sleepy state she admits something she normally never would.

Slowly Cole made his way out of his car and up the driveway to his house. It had been a rough roadie, and it was hitting him hard because he felt like he was leaving everything out on the ice and yet his team was not winning despite his best efforts. Cole knew he couldn’t do everything, that they were a team, but somehow despite being a young team, he was finding himself annoyed with himself, asking himself what more he could do so that they could start winning again. But all of his thoughts were pushed behind him as he stepped into his house, he left his hockey duffle and shoes by the door, he could see a soft light glowing from the kitchen. Y/N he thought to himself, he found himself smiling for the first time that day at the thought of her being awake. 

Cole walked further into the home, he sighed deeply when he realized she must have kept the light on. Even though he knows she does this on purpose because she hates coming home to a dark house, and she never wants Cole to either despite it not bothering him.Somehow when he first saw the soft glow of the kitchen light he forgot this fact, and suddenly was slightly pouting that Y/N was in fact asleep. As he passes the family room on the way to the staircase that leads to upstairs and his bedroom he stops abruptly. Cole notices a lump on the couch and it makes him feel something warm in his chest at the idea of her falling asleep on the couch while waiting for him. Originally his plane was supposed to land at 11 at night, but something was wrong with the plane so they had to switch planes and he didn’t land in Montreal until closer to 3 AM. Cole slowly turned his body to come to the family room as quiet as possible, he debated with himself if he should just carry her to bed rather than wake her up. But ultimately he missed Y/N too much not to at least attempt to wake her despite knowing that was sort of selfish of him. 

He squatted down and rested his weight on the balls of his feet, as rested his arm on the coach for support, the other going to pet her hair. “Baby imm home.” he softly spoke as his hand made it down to her bicep shaking her attempting to wake her up. “baby.” He spoke a little louder this time as he softly shook her again, he stopped when he watched the crinkle of her nose knowing she was at least not completely asleep anymore. She attempted to pull the blanket up and snuggle back into the coach further, and Cole couldn’t help but chuckle, his girl was probably the one person he knew who loved sleep more than anyone else he knew. “Sweet girl.” he spoke again, and his grin turned into a smile as she snapped her head towards his voice. “Do ya not wanna come to bed wit- me?” he asked. 

“Cole?” she asked except due to the sleep in her voice, it came out more as coley rather than cole. 

“Im home baby.” he answered her as she finally opened her eyes. “I’m sorry it’s so late but I needed to hear your voice so I woke you. “ he admits looking down suddenly being shy, and Y/N smiled at him, as she reached for him in a bone crushing hug pulling him from the floor and onto the coach. 

“Missed ya-.” she mumbled into his neck as she's practically laying on top of him. Cole finds himself closing his eyes, getting lost in the smell of her conditioner that he hasn’t smelt in a week. Before Cole could respond that he missed her too, Y/N continued talking,“Especially when you dropped that thirst trap on your story.” she mumbled it still in that state of half asleep and half awake. 

All Cole could do is smirk as he tried to crank his neck to look down to her. “Oh yeah.” The cockiness was clear in his voice. All Y/N could do was nod her head along, as he dragged his hands up and down her back, teasingly at the hem of the bottom of her shirt, Y/N lightly moaned as one hand slipped on the shirt and the other slipped down to her ass and kneaded it. Continuing to edge her on he teased her with his words “You missed me eh?” 

“Hmm.” she mumbled, as she bit her lip softly as she felt Cole’s hands on her. “My fingers just aren't the same, Coley.” she admitted. It was obvious in her confession, that she didn’t realize what she had said as she tried to snuggle deeper into Cole’s side fully content with Cole’s soft touches loaring her back to sleep.But suddenly any tiredness that Cole had felt had vanished as all his mind could think of was Y/N being so horny while he was away that she had to rub one out. Not to mention that she only got horny because of a photoshoot he had to do for a brand deal over a month ago.While Y/N was practically back to sleep, all Cole could focus on was the image of Y/N moaning for him while she looked at a fucking picture from an Instagram post.

He was able to shift them so he was on top of them as he kissed her exposed neck, finally she was waking up fully at his words, his voice much deeper than before. “Oh yeah baby, you missed my cock.” 

Y/N snapped her eyes open as Cole continued his attack on her neck, spending extra time on that one sensitive spot below her jaw, even nipping at it with his teeth gently. Y/N’s hands found Cole’s dark blonde curls, not sure if tugging on them was more to keep herself grounded or to hear those pretty little grunts that Cole makes. She tried saying his name but couldn’t finish as he started to kiss in the valley of her breasts as much as he could despite the button up silk pajama shirt. She arched her back, as Cole sucked on a sensitive spot on the top of her breast. Y/N found herself begging as she clutched her legs around Cole bringing him closer trying to get some relief.  

“Ccole.” she gasped, hoping he would take pity on her. He slowly unbuttoned her silk pajama shirt, but still left it on. Cole took his tongue, looking up at her through his lashes as he dragged his tongue over her chest and under her boob, finally stopping by lightly sucking her left nipple. He took his hand and played with the other one, Y/N couldn’t make eye-contact and tried to throw her head back but Cole stopped as she did. Immediately she snapped her head back, eyes wide as she stared at Cole above her, his silver chain lightly dangling in front of her face. “Babe, please,” she whined, trying to show him how much she needed him. 

Cole moved back further resting on his feet between her legs. He took his hand, lightly caressed his fingertips onto the soft skin of her stomach right above her waistband. She lightly pouted at him, her eyes silently begging to give her some relief. His fingers lightly slipped under her waistband but stayed her stomach, she whined in response. “You know what I think?” he asked her, knowing she wouldn’t be able to form words he continued. “I think, since you were so horny,” he raises his eyebrows and a soft smirk is on his lips as he continues. “While I was away that you didn’t even think to call me as you rubbed one out that maybe I should leave you like this.” he threatens. 

“Na na no. please, please don’t.” she begs. “I only used my fingers cause you weren’t here.” she cries out as he slips his hand out from under her waistband and goes to tease the exposed skin on her inner thighs from her sleep shorts. 

“Hmm.” he says. “Still I wanna see what it looks like when you’re so despite that you need to use your hand. Were you too horny to grab your vibrator?” he taunts, she mumbles a response but he can’t hear her, so he takes his thumb and puts pressure on her clit through her shorts. She cries out, as asks again “what was that baby?” 

“It -” she gasps trying to answer him, despite how her legs starting to tighten she felt like she was seconds away from cumming but she knew it was just because of Cole’s edging her on that she felt like this. “It was ta- too far.” she gasped, hoping that was enough of an answer to please him. 

He frowned his eyebrows in confusion, “but it’s kept in the nightstand.” Y/N glances at him wincing, watching as if a lightbulb goes off when he realizes. “Oh my lil’ slut, where were ya if you weren’t in bed?” he asks, a full blown smile on display as she feels her cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He bends down to her ear, as he rubs light circles on her hip bone, she can feel the heat from his mouth as he says “tell me baby. Where. Were. You.” As he sucks on that sensitive spot behind her ear she moans as a response. 

“Here.” she practically yelps, louder than she needs to. “Here. I was here.” she repeats. 

“Oh yeah now you definitely have to show me,” he says as he leans back smiling as she twitches beneath him. 

“Cole.” she whines in embarrassment trying to take her hands and cover her face as she blushes at his words. 

“Nope, you want my help you gotta show me what you looked like when you imagined I was fucking with you but all you had was your little fingers.” sounding as cocky as ever.

Y/N bites her lips and lets out a small whine as Cole leans back to rest on his heels again as he looks down at Y/N as shimmy out of her silk pajama shorts and underwear. He has a smirk on his face, as he watches Y/N use one hand to tease her boob and the other going on lightly touching her inner thighs. Cole can’t help himself from palming himself over his sweats as he watches Y/N arch her back and close her eyes as she continues to tease herself. 

Cole grunts as he watches her hand that was teasing the sensitive skin on her thighs lightly touching her outer lips finally stopping at teasing her hole. Cole’s voice is deeper than normal when he asks “Fuck pretty girl is this what you were doing while I was away?” Y/N's only response is a little moan, as she opens her eyes just in time to watch Cole as he pushes his sweats and boxers down just enough to slip his hard cock out of his boxers. She can’t help but let out a little moan as she watches Cole spitting on his hand so he can lazily stroke his cock. 

“Answer me, pretty girl.” he demands. “What were you thinking about as you fucked yourself with your fingers?” 

“Ya- you,” she gasps. “It’s always you.” as she finally inserts two fingers, lightly pumping out of her center. Cole watches with hooded eyes as dark as the night sky, as she tries to reach with her thumb to rub little circles on her clit. But due to the angle that she is laying down on the coach she can’t and she just becomes frustrated with herself. Cole notices that she almost looks like she was in tears mad at herself for not being able to reach. 

“Baby you can do it.” He encourages her and she whines begging him for help but all she’s met with is Cole shaking his head ‘no’. Finally, she somehow cramps her hand and lightly creases her clit teasingly, causing her to arch her back more and gasp from pleasure, as she feels herself being pushed even closer to a release. Removing her hand that was kneading her boob she starts to make small steady circles on her clit as she pumps her fingers at a faster pace out of her cunt. Cole has to stop himself from nutting right there as she cries his name as she cums, he talks her through her high. Cole even takes over rubbing her clit, when she can't because she’s too lost in the pleasure from her cuming. “There ya go baby.” he coos at her, as she’s trying to control her breathing again. 

“I think that was the hottest thing you’ve ever fucking done.” he claims with a wide smile on his face. Y/N smiles up at Cole, a warm feeling spreading in her stomach at his compliment. 

She looks down and notices his tip is still bright red and the vein looks a little more strained than normal, suddenly Y/N has a very deep sense overcome her as he wants nothing more than to lick the vein of his dick. Y/N slowly sits up shifting towards her boyfriend as she crawls off the coach and onto her knees, but before Cole can even question her. She is blinking up at him saying in a soft voice “I wanna a taste, please.” Her mouth is now dangerously close to the tip of his cock, blinking up at him with her eyes the size of saucers. 

“fuck.” he whispers to one in particular. Cole slowly nods his head as a ‘yes.’ Y/N wastes no time in starting from the base of Cole’s dick and licking the she wanted, ending with his tip in her mouth. Cole grunts, one going to her hair, grabbing it tightly as he guides her in and out of his dick. The other tightening in a fist as he tries to grab onto something as if he needs it ground him. One of her hands is helping her balance on his thigh, leaving little half moons from her nails, her other hand going to play with his balls. 

Cole wants to watch her as he fucks her face, he loves when she blinks up at him while he’s controlling the pace. But as she goes deeper and faster he grunts, throwing his head on the back of the coach in an attempt to make him last longer. “Fuck baby, I, I’m close.” he gasps, at his words she somehow even quickens the pace. “Can I make a painting, pretty girl?” he asks, which is his cheesy way of asking to cum on her face, he knows it’s always a yes for him but he still insists on asking every time because consent is important. As soon as his brian registers, she’s nodding your head, he pulls out and he cums immediately as he watches her close her eyes, tongue sticking out waiting for his load. Y/N closes her mouth and swallows immediately, opening her mouth again to show Y/N she swallowed. 

Slowly he takes his thumb and collects some of his seed that was on her cheek and chin, dragging slowly towards her mouth. Cole has to bite his lip as she opens her mouth again welcoming his thumb and sucking hard, swallowing her tongue around his thumb as if it was nothing. He removes his thumb and she whimpers a little, as if she needs something of him in her at all times to keep her content. “Always such a good girl fa’ me.” he whispers, pulling her up to his level to kiss her. she crawls in his lap to deepen the kiss as his tongue slips into her mouth and she moans into the kiss. 

Finally, both of them pull away, gasping for air. “I’m happy you’re home.” she mumbles, wrapping herself around him like a koala bear. 

“Me too.” he answers her softly. “I’m happy to have a stretch of home games.” Y/N perks up, at his words softly lifting his head to get a better look at her. 

“Oh yeah. Me too. I love having you home.” she shyly adds.

“Yeah I know cause I’m better than your fingers.” he chirps at her, laughing lightly.

“I take it back, you can go on another roadie.” Y/N pouts at him, finally getting up from his lap turning as if she’s heading for the stairs. But she doesn’t make it every far, as Cole pulls her back to him landing on his again. 

He takes his hands and softly holds her face, making her look into his eyes so she knows he’s not lying when he says. “Hey I was kidding, baby. You know I hate being gone just as much as you do.” He dips his head to her ear, lightly kissing right under it, she gasps at the attention to her sensitive skin. “”Cause I can promise you, my hand isn’t as good as you are, baby. At his words she feels his cock lightly poking her upper thigh. “Let me make it up to you, show you how much I missed you.” he jokes, a big smile on his face as she blushes at his words.And in that moment Y/N knows it’s going to be a long night. 

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

Mildly warm take, Tommy does NOT owe his entire career to Dream

Because, YES the dream smp help propel his career as a content creator, but it does not constitute to everything you've done to make himself and his brand better

Did dream write all the jokes? The vlogs? The books? The MCC wins? The friendship formed before and after? The smp's to follow later? Origins? The comedy? Twitch con?

Because if you say That Dream did all of that for Tommy then I'm going to assume Dream Is Crawling into his skin and piloting his body

Saying dream owns Tommy's as well as other people's careers, is like saying that if I were to bake a cake it wouldn't be my cake it would be the person who made the ingredients. I still baked the cake, put the ingredients together, bought them, got the recipe and just because I didn't grow the wheat or milk the cow it doesn't make it not my cake.

The smp did objectively help his career there is no fault in that and even Tommy acknowledges it, but you can't attribute every single thing that he does now to Dream.

And you can also argue that dream was a bad person, because he was. Regardless of allegations and other people's experiences, dream intentionally seeked out a 14 year old streamer, made him sign a legal contract, took every single bit of credit, got into fights with him on a regular basis, a made him feel so bad you will slamming his head against the desk.

That's not normal. None of that's normal.

And then in an alternative perspective dream didn't do us much for the smp as he claims. The only things he did was bring the content creators together, start the server, and play as his own character.

I do not get me wrong there is credit in that and he did do those things that allow the server to operate, but those with the only things he did.

Wilbur (as much as we hate him) wrote the scripts, and alot of Tommy lore. Will stopped writing the Script after he died canonically, and then later came back because in his own words " lI had to write myself back into the narrative [...] I didn't like where it was going. Not to see dream is a bad writer, but we had different ideas". That's him putting it nicely, the worst bit for the smp realistically was when dream was writing the lore.

And I'm not saying that it was bad but what I am saying is that the majority of people found it bad, so bad in fact that they had to bring Will back.

Dream did not write his own story.

And to the other content creators, on the server they will their own lore. And they acted it out themselves, dream was no part of that yet they still had to sign contracts because it was still on the physical server.

Ranboo and Technoblade in particular had some of the best story writing and telling, and they did it all themselves.

But there's only one thing in common, that makes sense but I think we all missed, dream was in every single person story or had planned to be. And I get it it's his server but on the other hand they could have had amazing stories without his input. Ranboo could have replaced Dream with a mysterious unknown character in his lore, and the outcome and affect would have been the same story-wise. Dream didn't need to be Puffy's son, but he was. Technoblade and Philza could have skip to the side plot of saving dream and instead it needed to return a favour to someone else.

The storytelling within the server is a amazing but if you subtract dream and put someone in his place it's still would have been the same story. It's like he was made to be sandwich in everyone's story. And yes he was a great character in most stories, but in others he was unnecessary.

Put with the overall fact that he had to be in every single story obviously ties back to the server being his, but it's also a reflection of his own ego. He probably still to this day believe that every single person has a career because of him and do not because of who they are now. He definitely helped but it's not all him.

And I would say George, Sapnap and Dream, have the same issue with ego. You see the way dream behaves with over people, he dominated people's careers for many years and had it done by fear.

Sapnap, he would swear and curse every single person, to the point where Scott said he was the most difficult person to put on a team because no one wanted to play with him (I have a different post about MCC). There were many offensive and situations in which the pair of them actually ruin the game for a lot of people. If you were not a person who watched MCC back in the day then I can tell you from now they had to change so many rules, Scott had to start making applications because of the amount of times that they would bail or not communicate with him or simply people didn't want to play with him and wanted to avoid him, and due to their obsessive behaviour in needing to the practice the maps so much that when the game was chosen some people didn't even try because they knew who would win.

They're talented don't get me wrong but there is an extent in which that their Talent crosses with ego and makes the whole game unplayable. This is without mentioning the amount of people who were scared to play with this team or against this team. No one had a fun.

And even in the smp, some people purposely avoided Sapnap, because he didn't know how to manage himself.

And George you could argue also has a large ego because of the people he surrounds himself by and he's a success. He is an objectively/ conventionally attractive male, and there have been many instances including in recent times and in certain develop it situations that he used it to his advantage. He doesn't behave his age and he treats people cruelly.

And most importantly, the fans. Yes YOU. You heavily contributed to the success of the server and to the success of the creators. But the level of obsession people would have regarding these content creators is something that will always baffle me.

And alot of people asked them to speak out, especially Dream. And he didn't. Dream actually encouraged his audience by selling sketchy merchandise and a USB stick with his baby pictures on it. He enables his radical audience because they are what keeps him going. Realistically without the radical side of his audience he would not be as successful and financially well off as he is now.

Additionally those people attack literally anyone that set something bad about him, and at first he tried to downplay it, then he assured people he would manage it and tell them to start, but then along the way he must have realized that these people a Ride or Die for him and that if he drives away these people he drives away a lot of money, free advertisement and a defense system against his brand- and I say this because these people would defend him in any circumstance

So then he doesn't stop them, and now you've got a 19-20s yr old with an unfortunate amount of mental health issues, some people who continue to jab him with needles anytime he's upset.

And it's sad. Is far beyond something that his parents can protect him from, yet he hasn't found the resources to protect himself. He's not happy with himself. He used to be scared to stand with someone successful even though he's successful.

And I'm genuinely proud of how much Tommy has grown. He is and continues to be a dedicated, passionate and nice person regardless of circumstances, he continues to be real with his audience and tries not to waste thier time. And none of that was taught to him by Dream. He taught himself how to be himself. If I see one person saying that he's a clout chaser I'm gonna have to tell you that you're wrong because he's done so much for himself to the point where you can't even count it yet you can count the things dream did for him on a Post-it note.

Tommy did well

[knifefightandchill]

it's ridiculously hard not to just post every gifset i've been hoarding in my drafts from this last week but listen we're slowly staggering them out so i feel more productive for longer.

[freeuselandonorris]

.

[bunnihearted]

🧸♡ ⋆｡˚

[afieldinengland]

it’s never going to get better, which is great

[rapidhighway]

nooo im so nuts about them im so unwell thyere best friends yoruor honor

[phantajam]

my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)

[dandyshucks]

i need to vent i'm sorry dear god things are so bad

me when the conservative candidate is voted in (which is not a surprise bc i live in a conservative area but still) and this guy has exhibited pedophilic behaviour in the past and is a proud gun/army fanatic. i'm gonna fucking die.

and the conservatives in my province this year have been the most aggressively and openly transphobic main political party we've ever seen nation-wide, and it is looking like theyre either going to win majority or them and the other party are both going to be minority gvmts together and both of those options are Bad bc conservatives are going to have so much power either way. unless somehow the other party manages to juuust pull ahead enough to make up majority but it... isn't looking that way. and that's just coveirng the transphobia, theres been so much racism and other shit going on too, i'm really really scared !! esp w the fe.deral election coming up next year !!!

i feel extraordinarily unsafe rn esp with some local politics from earlier this year w someone in a position of power in town (i have to be so vague otherwise its going to be way too easy to look shit up and place me on a map lol, im already pushing it as is) and it was horrifying and seeing so many ppl be apathetic to it is just. so scary. i'm scared !!

also i have to wait for another two days for the welfare ministry to call me (stressed all day long from 8-5 bc idk when theyre going to call me) and if they do not call me by the end of tuesday then i have to phone a couple ppl and ask what to do bc they're supposed to call me to do the eligibility interview within two weeks of submitting my application. and by this tuesday it'll have been two weeks. i'm so unbelievably stressed dsfjkl i've been nauseous so much lately bc of the anxiety. and i dont cry very often but god almighty i've been crying every couple of days these past two weeks bc i'm just so exhausted and stressed and at the end of my rope fdsjkl

also my mother is being really scary lately and i can't do anything about it except keep my head down and just hope she eventually stops this shit

anyways i am not doing well ! feeling like everything is sort of closing in on me :''''))) idk what to do about it bc nearly everything that's causing me overwhelming amounts of stress is out of my control so i just have to keep clinging to life with the tenacity of a cockroach. but i'm really tired of it 😭😭😭 and i just. would like to be safe? i guess? that's such a silly notion though fdsjkl i do not ever get to be safe so it is silly to want for that. i think mostly i just want things to go back to being tolerable fsjkl i am... reaching the crisis limits beyond my real limits, to be entirely honest.

[goldkirk]

being the youngest person on my team by like 10 years sometimes is REALLY obvious because everyone is talking about home construction and high school kid sports and stuff and my weekly update is “I got a Razor scooter and some new glitter paint”

[uptownhags]

made it thru my first month at work so i get to be hybrid now! this is great-- i will have 2 days a week to do my PT and walk instead of wheeling. i am getting to use the creative part of my brain and skill set, which is also great! but the part i am laughing at the ceiling the most about is that i get to facilitate disability etiquette training for all three of my previous orgs!! pls laugh with me :))

[tiercel]

Tumblr talking about making its site the same algorithmic slop pile as every other social media bc the users migrating here are too soft brained to curate their own feeds

[shirtlessradfahrer]

hi sorry I disappeared for like two weeks but I was overwhelmed with the news that there's a significant chance I may be on the autism spectrum (and possibly have a nice side helping of adhd) which if true has a fuckton of implications for how poorly many, many things throughout my life have played out, so needless to say I am not doing very well

(and by that I mean I was mostly crying on and off for days, and then cried some more when I realized it will cost thousands if I want to get a proper assessment done and I'm not confident my insurance would cover all of it, and also depending on how much my hours continue to be cut this month I may not even have said insurance for much longer at all hahahaha)

[musical-chick-13]

.