#and then feb hits and im out

[civetcider]

my new tablet finally showed up today! so you know i had to draw some splits to give it a try

[nocofamilyau]

man how messed up is he? (3/24)

[altruistic-meme]

i hadnt realized the yr grip on you when i asked my aftg question cause of my music choices akxhakxhsk

dskhshdffdjv im curious the music choices now :')

the yr sleeper agent has briefly activated but it's being held in check still. for now. come march it'll all be over though

[phagodyke]

trying to figure out how tf I'm gonna get home from this gig next week..

[kitten4sannie]

pairing: ex! san x fem! reader feat. wingman seonghwa and instigator mingi

genres: omg actual plot ??, exes to lovers, romance, angst with a happy ending, fluff, an attempt at humor, smut finale

summary: during a winter getaway with your friends, you end up having to come face to face with choi san, the man who broke your heart in two just last christmas.

w.c: 8.2k

tags: features the unholy trinity: misunderstandings/miscommunication/messiness, drama (i bring drama-ma-ma-ma~), alcohol use, mutual jealousy, mutual pining, lots of banter, third parties, poor sannie and reader are just two big dummies with even bigger hearts </3,, like 20 flashbacks (okay it’s like 2 but i like being dramatic sue me), too many winter analogies, insecurities, confessions, l bombs, tears, all that jazz

warnings: soft dom! san (literally the softest dom to ever exist IM SICK), subby! reader, pussydrunk san and cockdrunk reader (like these mfs are so desperate for each other it’s actually disgusting), dirty talk, pet names, praise, possessiveness, kissing, a lot of spit (leave me alone!!!), tit play, grinding, body worship, oral (receiving), passionate condomless lovemaking by the fire baybeeeee, breeding kink, bulge kink, creampies

a/n: so i listen to last christmas religiously every year and while i was jamming my hamster brain was like “WRITE WRITE WRITE” so i diddd and yeahh this happened??? lmao but fr this was the most fun i’ve ever had writing since feb filth fest…. like wtf. i gotta write plot forward fics more often this shit’s like a drug man. anyways i hope you enjoy my dear lovelies <33

*shoutout to my sweetheart bunbun @cottoncandy-girl for beta reading and hyping this fic up during the writing process. i would’ve second guessed myself twice as much if not for you. you’re a lifesaver!! mwah mwah ~~

song rec for the general vibe: last christmas by wham obv <3, fool by frankie cosmos, snowfall (slowed and reverb) by oneheart, know me by gemini, easily by bruno major, flowers and chocolate by eyedress

angst: pleaser by the wallows, do me right by gemini, homesick by wave to earth, cherie by hojean

smut: mice city by hotel ugly, between your thighs by jimmy brown, lock me in by hojean, touch by keshi, your love by brb

Masterlist

“Hey, Y/N,” your best friend began, walking around the side of your beat-up car to the trunk where you were busy shoving various suitcases and bags into the small space and trying to make them fit. “So, don’t get mad, but–”

With a case of wine bottles in hand, you slowly set it down on the lip of the trunk, side-eyeing your friend with the intensity of a thousand suns. It was so powerful, it’d probably melt the snow that had been falling around your feet for the past thirty minutes. “Why would I be mad? What’s going on?”

“Just breathe for me, okay?” she sighed, bringing a hand up to play with a few strands of her hair. “So, you know how Seonghwa’s coming up to the cabin with us?”

“Um, yeah…? I don’t care about you bringing your boyfriend with us, you know. Just let me know if you’re gonna fuck so I can put my headphones on,” you replied, lifting the case up and pushing it inside the empty space of the trunk, satisfied that your long game of tetris was finally complete.

She quickly waved her hands, shaking her head. “No, that’s not…” she started, taking in a deep inhale, before letting it out, a wave of condensation hitting the cold air between the two of you. “He invited…someone. Someone you know.”

You bent down into the trunk to move a few items around, making sure they wouldn’t collapse on each other. “Okay? I only know you and a few other people, bestie. Who could it possibly be–”

“It’s San,” she finally blurted out, her face scrunching up in anticipation of your reaction.

Once your ex was spoken into existence again, a flood of memories from the previous year bombarded your defenseless brain and heart, causing you to stand up so quickly, you hit your head on the edge of the trunk lid.

“Oh my god, Y/N, are you okay?” your friend gasped, already at your side, helping you stand up straight and placing her hand on the one you had held against the back of your head.

“Oh, yeah, I’m good. I think that fixed me actually. Ready to head out?” you chimed, giving her a thumbs up with your keys in hand, stumbling a bit in place, your vision fading out slightly.

Sighing, your friend reached for the keys. “Yeah, I’m driving.”

❆ ❆ ❆

Your friend pulled her keys out of the ignition once she parked in a free space near the cabin you’d both be staying at, turning her head to observe the way you were playing with the drawstrings of your joggers, your lower lip jutted out in a pout. “Y/N, are you sure you’re okay? You know, we’re visiting everyone else later, so you can always stay at their cabin, if you’d like. It’s much bigger and has wifi, and definitely won’t have S–”

“I’m not a little bitch,” you suddenly whined, your eyebrows furrowed, your pout growing. “I can handle being in the same cabin with my dumbass ex, okay? I don’t even care that he’s here, actually.”

She nodded her head knowingly, giving you a gentle smile. “Just let me know if you’re uncomfortable, please. And if he starts up with one of his…unique personalities, tell me or Seonghwa, alright? He knows how to handle him.”

“I can handle him myself. There’s plenty of snow for me to toss him into, or some flames if our cabin has a fireplace,” you muttered, too stubborn to admit that your heart would most likely explode as soon as you had the displeasure of witnessing his disgustingly handsome face and charming dimpled smile.

Your friend shook her head slightly, unable to keep from smiling in your direction. “There is a fireplace, yeah.”

You sighed contentedly, admiring the expanse of dense snow, the sundry of oversized pine trees, the far away mountains covered in white, and the cluster of cozy-looking cabins beyond the frosted windshield. “Finally, some good news.”

Once you both got to the front steps of the cabin you’d be staying at, your arms full of the items that you could bring from the car, the front door swung open, almost giving you a heart attack on the spot.

“Baby, you’re here!” Seonghwa gasped, pulling your friend into his arms when she set her stuff down on the porch and spinning her around in a small circle, his eyes twinkling with pure adoration.

Once Seonghwa acknowledged your presence with a warm greeting, you stood off to the side while your friend and Seonghwa kissed and giggled with each other, your arms beginning to feel like jelly, wishing someone would just stamp the words “third wheel” on your forehead already.

“That looks heavy,” you heard someone say in a deeply familiar baritone voice, causing you to whip your head towards the origin, your wide eyes meeting San’s concerned coffee brown ones. “Do you want me to carry it in for you?”

“San,” you automatically blurted out, alarm bells going off, the mini versions of you running around in panic inside your head, your fingers clasping tighter around your things.

“Y/N,” he parroted back in the same cadence, already moving closer to you, his arms sliding underneath your belongings and holding them up with ease, his navy sweater doing nothing to conceal the solid mass of his arm muscles. “Is it like, misogynistic for me to carry your things?”

You opened and closed your hands, trying your get rid of the pins and needles. “No, I’d say it’s progressive since it’s a big dumb caveman carrying my things, so women: 1, patriarchy: 0.”

San offered you a dimpled smile, his wide shoulders scrunching up slightly, as a hearty laugh emanated from his throat. “Caveman, I like that. Should I go find a cave to explore?” He tilted his head, his eyes flitting between yours and your pleasing body line. “Maybe try to start a fire?”

Your heart leapt into your throat, forcing you to gulp it down. You sneered, already beginning to push past him to enter the cabin, only turning your head back to tell him, “Start a fire and jump inside, caveman.”

San smiled at you, seeing right past your act, watching you walk away, before turning his head to look at the two lovebirds still hugging on each other. “See that? She already gave me a pet name.”

❆ ❆ ❆

“Fuck,” you groaned, dropping yourself down onto the surprisingly comfy mattress in the cozy guest room you were occupying, finally done with putting your clothes and toiletries away in their respective places, for the most part, also noticing that the violent hammering inside your chest had subsided.

And then your door opened.

“Yo, this cabin is pretty sick, right? It’s got a nice, cabin-ey feeling to it,” San announced, walking into your room and looking around like he owned the place. Typical San behavior. Whistling casually, he eventually headed over to your side of the bed, picking up a few skincare products that were sitting on your bedside table to study them. “Does this retinol shit really work?”

“Excuse me, but are you lost? This is my room,” you combated, not bothering to get up from the bed you were currently sinking into, simply turning on your back and lifting your head up slightly to glare at him.

“Bro.” San clutched his chest like you had just stabbed him directly in the heart, his eyebrows turning upwards, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “Why do you act like we haven’t been inside each other?” He climbed onto the bed, looking down at you past his black bangs. “Matter of fact, I know you better than your little friend downstairs.”

You stared up at him, cursing yourself for wanting nothing more than to grab him by his stupid face and kiss him — but you wouldn’t, not after what he did. “You’re so gross.”

“Like in a sexy way, right?” he quipped, chuckling when you just shook your head. San slowly laid himself down beside you, looking up at the ceiling, reaching up behind his head and cupping the back of it to get more comfortable. “You didn’t argue against the fact that I know you better than your own self proclaimed ‘bestie’, you know.”

You let out a small sigh, resting your hands down at your sides, gripping the quilted blanket underneath you, your heart pounding inside your chest just like it did last Christmas. Did you ever fall out of love with him? Was that why your heart felt so stuck? Frozen in place? Like you had been waiting all this time for San to make it beat again? “Well, for once, you’re not wrong. I…let you in back then, obviously, so yeah, you know me better than she does. You know me better than anyone.”

San began to reach for your hand, hesitating for a second, not even realizing his walls were just as high. If only he could gather the courage to bring them down. “Y/N…”

You turned to look at San just as he turned his whole body towards yours, giving you one of his infamous gazes, his eyes closed ever so slightly, his lips parted, drawing in a breath. He lowered his hand, touching the top of yours, rubbing it with his thumb. “You know what else I know?”

Why did he have to do this to you? Just what the fuck was his problem?

“What, San?” you questioned underneath your breath, seconds away from losing it completely.

His eyes lost their playful twinkle, instead displaying sorrow. “Y/N, I–”

Seonghwa popped his head into the room. “Y/N, have you seen– Oh,” he deadpanned, displaying an oddly delighted smile for a split second, before his lips evened out. “We’re heading to the hang out now. It’s gonna snow pretty hard in a bit so it’s now or never.”

You both sat up from the bed, your cheeks burning like you had just been caught, well, inside of each other.

Seonghwa was about to say something when your friend walked up behind him and pulled him into whisper something, causing him to whisper back, the both of them nodding at each other.

You and San exchanged glances, before all four of you looked at one another. “Are you hiding things from me, pookie?” you gasped dramatically, grasping at your chest.

“No, I’d never hide anything from you, pookie wookie baby bear!” she cried back, running into the room and tackling you back down onto the bed.

San looked to Seonghwa, making grabby hands at him. “Where’s my hug?”

Seonghwa clicked his tongue, pointing at San’s thin sweater as it rose past his hips. “You better put on some more layers before we go, pookie bear. It’s cold as balls outside.”

❆ ❆ ❆

Instead of hanging out inside your friend’s friends’ cabin where the party was at, you loitered outside in the snow, building yourself a snowman. Maybe he’d stay by your side longer than the last one.

“Hey, what are you doing out here by yourself, ba–” San started, standing with his arm just barely pressing into yours, immediately clearing his throat, sticking his hands into his coat pockets. “Y/N, I mean, heh, sorry I’ve had a few drinks.”

You almost broke the empty beer bottle you were using as the snowman’s nose inside your hands from hearing San almost address you as baby, turning your head to look at the adorably goofy smile he had on his stupidly cute face. You bit your lip, wishing he would just say it, the layers of ice around your heart starting to crack. “I figured. Well, how come you’re out here with me, instead of shotgunning a beer or something with your caveman friends?”

Amused, San nodded his head, impressed by your ability to keep up with your shtick. “They’re too busy hanging around the fireplace, you know. The fire’s so pretty, they got distracted.” He grinned at you, grinning harder when you began to smile back at him, his heart skipping a beat at the sound of the giggle that escaped your lips. “I missed your giggle…missed you…” he murmured absentmindedly, pretending to stay busy by helping you round out the head of the snowman, while you stuck a rock into it where one of the eyes would be.

You dropped the other rock, standing still, feeling your mouth go dry. You racked your brain over his words, wanting to ask him why he didn’t stay with you in the first place if he was just going to miss you so much. You missed him too. You wanted him to know.

By the time you had made up your mind, San had picked up the rock and stuck it into the snow, completing the snowman’s face. “There we go. Mr. Snowman’s looking real nice.” He waited for a second, before turning to look at you with a concerned pout. “He’s not cuter than me, right?” When you didn’t respond, he blinked, leaning in. “Y/N?”

Instead of responding, you found yourself wrapping your arms around San’s neck, pulling him into a hug. You didn’t even say anything — you just focused on feeling his warm body against yours, recalling what it felt like to be his. His baby. If only he would just say it.

“Baby…” he whispered just under his breath, so carefully, like he risked the chance of causing an avalanche if he spoke any louder, gently rubbing your back in circles, automatically resting his head on the top of yours like he did last year. “What’s this about?”

“I don’t know, I just–” you murmured into his chest, your own about to collapse in on itself from hearing what he said, hugging onto him a little tighter than before, wishing things were different. “I…I think I’m drunk…”

“Oh…” San replied, swallowing harshly, only pulling away once you started to. He tucked a bit of hair behind your ear, giving you a concerned look. “You should come back inside and drink some water, then. Seonghwa was right to tell me to check up on you.”

Your face fell slightly, the bottle that was stuck inside the snowman drooping inside the melting snow as if it was mirroring your disappointment. “You…only came out here because Seonghwa told you to?”

“Well, I mean, he was the one that noticed you were gone, so he just thought I should make sure you were okay, yeah…” San explained, rubbing his arm.

You nodded your head, a soft smile returning to your face, not wanting San to see the hurt you felt, not yet, anyway. You were still able to hide it as of late. “That’s nice of him.”

“Yeah, Hwa’s a sweetie,” San mused, noticing the sad snowman, reaching out to fix the position of the beer bottle. “Too bad he’s taken, otherwise I’d be wifing him up and giving him the exclusive Choi San Caveman Experience. There’s a trademark on that, by the way.”He gave you another goofy smile, his smile growing when you offered him a few small giggles.

“I think you need water more than I do,” you mentioned, gently punching his arm.

San chuckled, his smile softening, wanting to say so much more than just, “You might be right.”

After a few seconds of too much silence, and too much yearning for an important conversation to take place, you instead pointed to the lively cabin behind you. “You should go get some. I’ll be back inside soon.”

“Okay, sounds good.” He put his hands back into his pockets, lingering there for a moment, before heading back inside.

You stood there for a while, watching the makeshift nose of the snowman begin to droop again, before you reeled your foot back and kicked into the base of the snowman, watching it topple over and fall apart.

❆ ❆ ❆

You lingered near the spiked punch bowl that sat inside the corner of the cabin’s empty kitchen, drinking down a solo cup’s worth of the fruity beverage and tossing the cup into the sink, not noticing another person’s presence until you turned to the side and bumped your nose into their broad chest. “Oh, shit– I’m sorry,” you apologized, backing up a bit to see that you had ran into no one other than Song Mingi, the man you had trauma dumped and cried to for an hour before having mindless rebound sex with after San dumped you. “Min, hey. Long time, no see.”

“Y/N. It’s nice to see you again. Very nice,” Mingi mused, taking a long sip of his drink, just studying you with his amused, half-closed eyes, pointing upwards with his finger. “What are the odds of this?”

“Hm?” Your eyes followed where he was pointing until your gaze settled on the mistletoe that hung from the doorway above the two of you, a memory of the past immediately lighting up the insides of your brain like the flash of a camera, the snapshot still fresh in your subconscious as though it had never faded in the first place, much like your feelings for San — but who were you to admit that to yourself?

“Jesus, what is with people and mistletoe?” you grumbled, crossing your arms over your itchy christmas sweater, ready to shield your eyes so you didn’t have to look at the two people vigorously making out underneath the red berries that were hung from the ceiling of the crowded cabin.

San hovered near you, running a hand through his hair, his eyes studying your scrunched up, flushed face, wondering how you could be so cute. “The origin of mistletoe is actually really romantic, y’know.” Once you met his gaze, his lips curled into a smile, his dimples making an appearance.

You gripped onto your sweater sleeve, smiling softly back at him, your annoyance fading. “Tell me about it then, Mr. Historian.”

San’s eyes sparkled at your reaction, his shoulder gently pressing into yours as he brought his drink up to his mouth. “Mistletoe has always been able to survive in the harshest of winters. Even when everything’s frozen…” When he lowered his hand, the side of his pinky touched yours, sending warmth into the both of your bodies. “….it still finds a way to bloom.”

You took in a quick breath, having to look down at your feet before your heart burst out of your chest as an unintentional ode to Alien and ruined the annual Christmas party. “I didn’t peg you as a hopeless romantic, San.”

“I’m full of surprises, baby.” San hummed, gently taking your chin in his grasp and pressing a kiss to your lips, giggling delightedly as you buried your scorching face into his chest, his heart pounding, wanting nothing more than to show you just how hopelessly in love he was with you, but too afraid to grant you access to the very intense, very full extent of it, let alone himself.

He was full of surprises, so full of them that he was able to show such a meaningful display of love to you and still break up with you on the very same night, with little to no explanation, just a simple ‘I’m sorry.’ Choi San was truly an enigma — one you cursed yourself for still wanting to grasp, to hold, to forgive.

You looked down at Mingi’s drink only for him to motion for you to take it, immediately downing the punch until you were sucking on an ice cube and crunching it between your teeth, satisfied with the buzz coursing through your body, bitterness still seeping its way in your veins. You knew that what you were about to do wouldn’t make you feel any better, but you did it anyway, grabbing Mingi by the collar of his ugly Christmas sweater and smashing your lips against his. What you didn’t know, however, was that San was standing at the end of the hallway, with his hand in his coat pocket, there to witness how Mingi pressed you into the wall.

❆ ❆ ❆

Your friend slowly inched her way towards you from across the brightly lit, festively decorated living room full of your boisterous acquaintances having a battle with each other to determine who could be the loudest, drunkest individual in the room. Currently, it was San, unsurprisingly, who had a beer in one hand while hugging onto the obscenely large Christmas tree in the middle of the room. You couldn’t tell exactly what song he was singing, but you were pretty sure it was a romantic, mostly cheesy pop ballad from the 80s.

“Having fun?” your friend gauged softly, sitting down on the sofa in the corner beside you, clinking her glass beer bottle against yours.

You shrugged, taking a few sips of the chilled beer, crossing one leg over the other. “I made out with Mingi earlier, so that was cool, I guess.”

“You what?” she gasped, pressing closer to you, grabbing your arm and shaking you. “Y/N, oh my god, that’s so —” Her gossipy tone turned into one of concern. “But what about San?”

“What about San?” you grumbled, internally annoyed that all you could think about was San when Mingi’s tongue was down your throat. “He probably already did the same thing, considering how torched he is.”

She sighed, sinking into the couch, very well aware of how San truly felt about you, last Christmas, and how much he wanted to turn things around. Of course she would know. She had to hear it from Seonghwa, who in turn heard it from San off and on for the entire year, but she wasn’t about to speak for him. He would have to do that himself.

“Are you going to play truth, dare, or drink with us?” Mingi suddenly asked you, leaning his hip against the side of the couch, causing you and your friend to look up at him.

“Ehh.” You shrugged your shoulders at him.

He put a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it, feeling someone’s eyes burning holes into the back of his head, figuring San was watching the both of you from the tree, who indeed was, his hands tightening around his beer and the scratchy pine needles he was holding onto. “It’ll be more fun if you join in, Y/N. How bout it?”

You sucked on your teeth for a second, your eyes moving past Mingi to gaze at San across the room, who was now talking to a girl who had came up to him, your stomach sinking at the clear appearance of his dimples. Stupid caveman.

You stood up, fingers squeezing around your poor beer bottle. “Fuck it, I’m in.”

“Good, good,” Mingi replied, smiling absentmindedly, bringing his own drink up to his lips, as if he wasn’t aware of the disaster he was about to bring into fruition — and all for the chance that he could recreate the events of last year’s Christmas party. It led to him having a pretty, teary-eyed girl in his bed to take care of, after all.

❆ ❆ ❆

“Yo, I can’t believe — he actually — I can’t breathe,” someone gasped out in between soundless laughs, falling back into their chair along with their other friends, pointing at San as he trudged back into the cabin past the sliding door, clad in only a form-fitting pair of Christmas themed boxers, wiping some snow off of his shoulders, before immediately going for his mixed drink and tossing it back victoriously, one hand on his hip.

“You bitches really thought I wouldn’t do it,” San chuckled self-righteously, taking another sip, before letting out a low ‘aaah’. “Someone owes me 20 bucks. Which one of you was it?” He held up an accusative finger to one of the girls nearby, who giggled and held her hands up defensively. “It was you, wasn’t it? Give it up!”

The rest of the group laughed in response, drunkenly leaning into each other, gleeful smiles plastered on their flushed faces.

“San’s pretty lively tonight,” Seonghwa said near you, nudging you gently with his elbow. “It’s almost kind of cute, huh?” Poor man was out of the loop, but he was trying, bless his heart.

“Cute?” you muttered, raising an eyebrow at him. “He’s butt-ass naked at a Christmas party. He’s a grown man wearing boxers with candy canes on it. What on earth is cute about that?”

Seonghwa pursed his lips, side-eyeing you. “I don’t know, I just thought you’d agree with the way you’ve been staring at him all night.“

You almost choked on your spit, bringing a hand up to your hair to smooth it out. “Well, it’s hard to keep my eyes off of him when he’s being an annoying ass pick-me like that.”

“But you picked…him.”

“I did. Ages ago, Seonghwa,” you corrected him, watching San out of the corner of your eye, unable to believe that he was letting the girl slip a twenty directly into the waistline of his boxers. As soon as you looked down, San’s eyes were on you, his lips turning into a frown, immediately pushing the girl’s hand away when it lingered a bit too long, his eyes filled with bitter determination. “You know what he did to me. He spent all that time getting my hopes up all year long, only to hit me with the ‘i’m bad with commitment’ card before he left the party last year. That’s bullshit and we both know it.”

Seonghwa sighed in defeat, sinking back into his seat, biting at his lip. “I get what you’re saying, Y/N, I really do. It was unbelievably shitty for him to do that to you, but San…I think he really regrets it. All he talks about is you, Y/N.” Seonghwa turned to face you, gently touching your wrist. “He’s always loved you. He just doesn’t know how to verbalize it.”

You started biting at your lip too, simply listening to your friend’s words, wondering if there was any truth to them. It’s not like you were hearing them from San himself. That would be a different story — though you didn’t know if he was even capable of that kind of vulnerability. “I’d like to believe that, Hwa. I just…”

“Oh my god! With tongue? My virgin eyes!” someone gasped loudly at something, covering their eyes, their friends laughing at his dramatic performance.

“At least someone’s getting some,” Mingi chuckled, while eyeing you, currently holding up the same piece of mistletoe you had encountered together earlier, only this time someone else was under it. Someone that made you wish you had never even came up to the cabin in the first place.

“There’s no way…” you whispered to yourself, unable to take your eyes off of San, who was holding that same girl against him, his hands clutching her hips, his tongue halfway into her mouth by the time you got up from the couch and grabbed a water cup from the coffee table, determined to keep your tears inside your body before you stormed out, but you had to answer to your demons first.

“Y/N, he’s just drunk! He’s trying to make you jealous, okay? He’s being an idiot! Y/N, listen–” Seonghwa tried fruitlessly to reason with you, reaching for your wrist, only for it to slip out of his grasp as you made your way up to San and the unsuspecting woman.

Your bitter, frozen heart quelled you to toss the water at San, watching it splash onto the side of his reddened face, the shock of it sobering him up almost instantaneously, causing him to pull away from the woman and look at you, the weight of his faulty decisions hitting him square into the chest when he saw the tears in your eyes. “Y/N…I…I didn’t mean….I just…” Tears began to form inside his own eyes. “I just wanted you to see me.”

“I see you, San,” you whispered, your voice cracking underneath the weight of your emotional turmoil. “I’ve seen enough, actually.”

San froze in place, while what felt like cement sink to the bottom of his stomach, unable to get himself to stop you from grabbing a freshly opened bottle of booze from someone’s hands and walking away from him.

Your friend tried in vain to reason with you, getting hit with a death glare, before you stormed out. She turned to Seonghwa, whispering “Do something,” encouraging him to run over to San, grabbing him by the shoulders and temporarily keeping him upright.

“San, listen to me.”

San sniffled, his nose sporting a pink hue, as hot tears began to drip down his clammy face, sinking down to his knees, watching as Seonghwa sank down with him. “Seonghwa, I fucked up. I just wanted her to want me. I wanted her to get jealous and take what’s hers. I didn’t know how– a-and her, and Mingi– I just thought maybe if I–”

Seonghwa shook San a bit, his nostrils flaring, his fingers squeezing into his friend’s trembling shoulders. “Get a grip and listen to me!” As soon as San took in a shaky breath and let it out, Seonghwa cleared his throat. “You’re going to put some fucking clothes on, nut up, and go after her. It’s now or never.”

San wiped his eyes, trying to control his breathing. “B-but what do I say, Seonghwa? How can I possibly–”

Seonghwa suddenly pulled him into a hug, clutching the back of his head, feeling San slowly begin to relax against him. “You’re going be honest with her, San. Tell her what you’ve always wanted her to know. The world isn’t going to end after you do. She’ll still be there, and you’ll be safe.”

San clutched Seonghwa’s back, blinking away a few remaining tears. “You promise?”

Seonghwa pulled away, curling his pinky finger around his best friend’s, giving him a firm nod. “Promise.” Seeing the trust inside San’s sparkling eyes, Seonghwa reached up to ruffle his hair, smiling softly. “Oh, and give her that Christmas present you’ve been waiting for her to open.”

A small smile slowly apread across his splotchy face, before he gave Seonghwa a stern nod back, reaching his hand inside the pocket of his coat to feel what had been sitting inside and collecting dust for the entire year. It was time. Things weren’t going to end up like last Christmas. It would be different this time. He would make sure of it.

❆ ❆ ❆

With each passing minute, you sank a little further into the abyss of your memories, as well as the freshly fallen layers of snow that surrounded you, splashes of alcohol melting into it whenever you took a lazy swig and dropped the bottle back down at your side. “You dummy…” you mumbled to yourself, sniffling, your warm tears and body doing its best to combat the chilly environment around you.

Once you reached a street lamp, the warm light glowing onto your damp clothes, the memories of last year, that had once been frozen over suddenly flooded into your mind so quickly, you had to lower yourself onto the gravel beneath you, resting your back against the metal of the large buzzing lamp. “Shit…” You brought your wrist to your eyes, smearing a fresh wave of tears into your slightly damp hair, realizing you had been there before, the deja vu hitting you harder than the icy night wind hit your flushed face.

“San, what’s wrong?” You stood next to your boyfriend, watching him simply stare at the Christmas tree in front of him, his hands in his coat pockets.

San clutched onto the present he had spent weeks waiting to be custom-made and even longer just staring at it inside his apartment, wondering if it was enough, if he was enough, for someone like you.

San slowly shook his head, taking his hand out of his pocket to gently grab your wrist, leaning in to ask, “Can we talk?”

“No, we’re not doing this right now,” you told yourself out loud, smacking the side of your head and shaking it back and forth to hopefully send the memory packing, but it persisted, much like the snowfall around you.

“I don’t understand, San, we were fine! We’re okay. Why are you doing this?” you cried, trying and failing to keep San from leaving the cabin, unable to catch the corner of his coat sleeve until you were both under a street lamp, the light blinking occasionally.

San slowly turned around to face you for a moment, shaking his head, keeping his tears at bay. He didn’t know what he was thinking. How would he be enough for someone like you? Poor San simply couldn’t see the beauty he saw in you in his own self. “I just can’t, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I really am.”

“Can’t what? Can you just talk to me, San? I want to understand, San, please, talk to me,” you begged him, your heart sinking further with each step you took towards him as he continued to walk away. You stopped eventually, in the front of his car, your breath caught in your throat. “So, that’s it? You’re just going to leave? Just like that?”

San stroked his hair with a shaky hand in an unconscious act of self-soathing, tears pricking the corners of his eyes, looking off to the side, before gripping the door handle of his car, as well as the felt box inside his pocket with his other hand, only seeing a blurry version of you by the time he looked back up. How could he explain how afraid he was of you and the love you offered him? How his many walls, like ice, were impenetrable, until you melted them away? It frightened him, so much so that all he could say was, “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” before he got into the car and shut the door.

“You…dummy…” you repeated, this time in a whisper, taking another swig from the bottle and choking down the strong liquor, about to force yourself to down it when you heard what sounded like a set of boots quickly shuffling through the snow.

“Y/N,” San gasped, almost completely out of breath from running through the rough winter terrain, bending forward slightly with his hands on his knees to catch his breath, sending puffs of condensation into the air around you. “I have to – tell you something–”

“Oh, now you have something to say? After all this time? That’s rich,” you scoffed, wobbling a bit as you stood up, trying to put up a front like you had done earlier, though your facade had since melted away, your quivering lips and red, teary eyes on full display. “…Go on, San…”

San finally caught his breath, his heart still hammering away inside his chest, reaching up to his head to stroke his somewhat damp raven hair, trying to swallow the growing lump inside his throat. “Y/N, I…I should’ve said this a long time ago, instead of just leaving you the way I did…”

The longer you stared at him, the longer he felt his walls crumbling around him, figuring that he had no choice but to tell you what had always been lingering on his tongue, buzzing in his heart and mind, and swimming inside his thoughts each night when he was alone. He realized it was worth the risk of having to return to a cold, silent heart, a bitter soul, and even higher walls that he could box himself inside of. To him, you were worth anything.

Your anger slowly subsided at the sight of his serious gaze, his warm coffee-brown eyes studying you like nothing else existed besides you. In fact, nothing did, inside his world, except for you. “San…” you murmured, reaching out to touch his hand, but he already beat you to it, interlacing your cold fingers together.

“I love you, Y/N,” he admitted in the softest, most convicting voice you’ve ever heard from him, slowly pulling out the box he kept inside his coat, opening it to reveal a small gold ring with a jewel shaped like mistletoe, gently sliding it onto your finger when you held your hand out. “I love you so much, baby. So much it terrifies me.”

“Oh, San…” you sighed, breathless, bringing your hand to your chest from being so overwhelmed with emotion. After a moment, you reached for his hand, squeezing it, moving closer to him, his confession and gift warming you up more than a raging, crackling fire ever could. “San–”

“If I had just told you how I felt back then, I wouldn’t have hurt you the way I did.” He squeezed your hand back, his chapped, lower lip quivering. “I wish I could take it all back. It’s all I’ve been able to think about– How I wish I could just turn back time and–”

You silenced San’s words with a gentle kiss, letting go of his hand to wrap your arms around his neck, his arms following suit, closing around your waist. You broke the kiss after a moment to whisper, “I love you too, San. Always have.” You caressed his face, making sure he felt the love pouring out of your words when you promised, “Always will.”

San let out a trapped breath of air, hugging you against him, protectively clutching the back of your head, unable to stop everything he had held inside from spilling out of him all at once.

You simply held him in your arms and stroked the back of his head, not noticing when the light above you had flickered once and went out for a split second, only to shine brighter than it did before, the light warming the exposed skin of your flushed cheeks.

❆ ❆ ❆

San sat on his knees beside the crackling fire, adjusting a piece of firewood, watching the flame catch onto it and travel along the cedar, enjoying the warmth on his skin, eventually turning his head back to admire the sight of you bundled up on the couch with a plush blanket on your lap, your hands clasped around a cup of tea, your eyes admiring your twinkling ring, before you noticed his loving gaze.

“Sannie, come here, love,” you spoke softly, taking one finger off of the cup to beckon him to you, sliding the blanket off and putting the cup down after one more sip.

“Coming, baby.” Eyes sparkling, San inched his way over to you, still on his knees, fitting himself in between yours so that he could wrap his arms around your middle, resting his head against your chest. “Mm, you’re so warm.”

You ran your fingers through his soft, still slightly damp hair, waiting till he looked up at you to caress his cheek, a small sigh leaving your lips. “I’m sorry for what I did to you earlier. I really shouldn’t have reacted like that. It was hypocritical of me.” You ran your fingers gently along his jaw, noticing the way he leaned into your touch.

“No, baby, I’m sorry,” he replied, rubbing his hands up and down your sides, pouting. “I did…that to you in front of everyone…It was really shitty…I just couldn’t think straight after I saw you with Mingi.”

Your face fell, your fingers sliding back into San’s hair to play with it. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t…I want you to know that there was no meaning behind it, love. I was just bitter. And drunk.”

“I know, Y/N. It’s all forgiven, I promise you.” San reassured softly, responding well to your light touches, nuzzling your hand when it came back to his cheek, his fingers sliding underneath your sweater to squeeze into your sides, sending a light shiver up your spine. “But, you know what, baby?”

“What, Sannie?” Your body temperature started to increase as San brought himself up higher so that you were face to face, body to body, his palms settling onto your bare back.

“There’s meaning behind this,” he whispered, bringing his hands up to cup your face, before gently pressing his lips onto yours. You shared a few firm, passionate kisses, your lips moving against one another’s, hearing San whisper something else that sent a wave straight into your core. “Can you feel it, baby? My love?”

“Yeah, show me more, Sannie,” you murmured against his lips, his mouth slotting back onto yours, almost making you forget to breathe when his tongue began to explore the inside of your mouth.

San sucked lightly on your tongue, before moving down to kiss on your neck, his hands moving further up to unclasp your bra from underneath your sweater. “Can I please touch you, baby?” he asked with a desperation that made his deep voice go up an octave higher.

“Yes, please, touch me,” you responded with just as much desperation, arching your back into his touch when he slipped his hands up the front of your sweater, moving your tits in slow, gentle circles, his lips and teeth attacking your neck and collarbone.

“You feel so good in my hands, baby, fuck, I missed you so much,” San exhaled into your neck, squeezing the roundness of your tits in between his fingers, squishing them together, and lifting them up, only to drop them back down into his palms, groaning all the while. He pulled back slightly, rolling the hem of your sweater up a bit, his hooded, dilated eyes focused solely on yours. “Can I take this off?”

A quick nod was all it took for him to lift your sweater up over your head, your bra falling to the floor. Not wanting you to be alone, he reached behind his head and pulled his own sweater off, his sculpted, muscular upper body bathed in glowing, orange light from the fire blazing away behind him. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N…” he sighed, admiring your body like he did the very first time he saw you bare in front of him.

“So are you,” you replied, slowly running your hands up along his abdomen and back down, his muscles flexing slightly underneath your touch, his eyes following your fingers as they unbuckled his belt, pulling his pants down to reveal his cute custom briefs. “My Sannie, so precious.”

San blushed, his goofy smile slowly disappearing as he unbuttoned your pants, biting hard into his bottom lip once he got them off of you. “Baby…” Unable to just sit there and admire you, he reached forward to cup your tits, running his thumbs back and forth over your stiff nipples, lust clearly running rampant in his head and body by the way he was looking at you with such clear hunger in his eyes, his cock hard and stiff against your core. “Can I taste you?”

“Baby, you don’t have to ask, okay? You can have me, in any way–” you started breathily, feeling San’s cock beginning to pulse against you. “–Every way, Sannie. Please, take care of me.”

San suddenly clutched your hips, slowly grinding his clothed cock into your heat, while his mouth closed around one of your nipples to suck on it, his hooded eyes looking up into yours, his tongue darting out to lap at your tit.

“Feels so good, your mouth on me,” you breathed out, running your fingers through his hair, clutching it tight when he swapped your tit for the other, his jaw lowering so that he could fit more of your squishy globe into his mouth, sucking on it desperately. “Sannie…please…”

Knowing what you wanted, San pulled back to spit onto your tits, watching it drip down, before leaning back in to lick it up, his tongue cascading up and down your now slick skin, still guiding your hips against him, your legs already hooked around his slim waist. Your whiny moans were like music to his ears, taking a break from sucking and licking you to say, “You like it messy, don’t you, baby girl? Makes you so wet for me, doesn’t it?”

“Uh-huh, now come here,” you could barely get out, before you grabbed his face and slammed your lips against his, your mouths and tongues working in tandem, strands of spit dripping down your chins, San’s hands squeezing tightly into your hips, grinding against you so quick, so desperately, you were both about to reach your highs just from that.

“Sannie,” you sighed against his lips, caressing his jaw, his cock rubbing against your cunt in just the right way, your body pulsing with the need to be filled.

“Y/N,” he sighed back, pressing his forehead onto yours, the both of you breathing in the same air, the thick, throbbing length of his cock rubbing deliciously along your clothed slit until your lower halves began to jolt, your moans and gasps crescendoing in unison. “Cumming? Are you cumming for me, baby?”

“Y–esss, Sannie, m’ cumming for you,” you cried out, holding onto him as tightly as you could, your nails digging lightly into his back, feeling his muscles contracting. “Cum for me too, please, baby, let me see you.”

San let out a choked, whiny moan, panting heavily, losing his quick, focused thrusts, opting for sloppy, abrupt movements, barely about to get out the word, “B–abyyy…”

You both fell apart in each other’s arms, your eyes never breaking contact, your combined arousal soaking through your respective undergarments.

Once you both caught your breath, San reached down to rub your pussy with two thick fingers, able to see your slit through your shiny, see-through panties, his cum-covered cock already twitching back to life. “Fuck, baby, look at that…you’re completely soaked.”

“Just for you,” you nodded, spreading your thighs open further, pulling the hem of your panties up a bit to emphasize your puffy cunt, your clit pressing into the soft cloth material.

“Oh my god, baby, I need to taste you,” San suddenly whined, squeezing his fingers into the softness of your thighs, lowering himself down to take a deep inhale of your arousal, his head going completely fuzzy, unable to keep himself from drooling onto your cunt.

You slipped your fingers into his soft hair, bringing his face against your heat, sighing at the feeling of his nose bumping against your clit as he took another deep breath, shuddering when he began to tongue your cunt through your panties. “That’s it, Sannie, feels so good,” you moaned, your praise going straight to San’s cock, causing it to strain against his stained briefs.

“Mmmn,” San moaned against your pussy, licking one slow, long strip up your slit to your clit, filled with so much need for you that he couldn’t keep himself from tearing your panties off of you with one quick tug, making you gasp and release more slick, his mouth already on you to lap it right up, his other hand shoving his briefs down so that his cock could spring out against his abdomen, pre-cum smearing across his tan skin. “This pussy is all mine, baby…mine to eat, mine to fuck….mine to fill, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Sannie, all yours, it’s all yours,” you answered, clutching his hair, desperately grinding your cunt against his tongue when he held it out, looking deep into his eyes that never left yours for a second, suddenly gasping out when San spread your hole open, sending a wad of spit inside before his agile tongue slipped inside of you.

San grabbed the undersides of your thighs and lifted your lower half up so that he could tongue fuck you as deep as humanly possible, letting out a pleased moan each time his tongue entered your soaked, pulsing hole. He kept going until you saw stars, going ‘uh-huhhh, uh-huhhh’ as soon as you began to shudder, your arousal squirting out and soaking his flushed face.

“My pretty baby came so hard for me,” San sighed, licking your wetness up from your sensitive cunt and his lips, before he brought you in for another sloppy kiss, letting you taste yourself.

The longer you kissed, the more you wanted him inside you, needed him to fuck his love into you until you couldn’t remember your own name. You needed him so badly, you didnt even realize what you were doing until you had found yourself pushing San down onto the fur carpet below and straddling him, sitting on his lap in a way that showed the both of you exactly where his long, veiny cock would reach inside of you once he filled you up. “Need you, Sannie. Need you now.”

“You can have me, baby.” San’s cock twitched against your abdomen, his hands rubbing your thighs, eventually lifting you up and down onto his cock, groaning at the feeling of your pussy swallowing his length inch by inch. “Fuck, princess, have all of me.”

Instinctively, San began to buck his hips up into you, filling you up so well, you felt a bit dizzy, encouraging you to hold onto his chest, still taking his cock deep inside your cunt like you were made for him.

San must’ve agreed too because he couldn’t keep from groaning out, “Look at you, babygirl, look at the way you’re taking me, taking my cock so deep–” He pressed one hand to your abdomen, feeling the bulge his cock made each time he fucked into you, driving the both of you crazy. “Your pretty pussy was made for me, baby. Made just for me. You’re mine, babygirl.”

“Yours.” You quickly lowered yourself down to kiss him, his hands sliding up and down along your body to feel your warm skin underneath his touch, eventually settling his hands on your cheeks, wiping a few of your tears away when you began to cry from the overwhelming pleasure.

“Cum for me, Y/N…You can do it…Fall apart for me, baby, ” San encouraged in between heavy breaths, slowing the movements of his hips down, instead filling you up in a slow and meticulous manner, drawing your intense orgasm out of you. “Yes, baby, that’s it, that’s it…”

“Sannnn, oh my god, San.” The longer you fell apart, the tighter your pussy constricted around San’s cock, causing him to throw his head back, sweat dripping down along his straining neck, his veins growing more visible when he gripped your thighs tightly. “Fill me up, Sannie. Need your cum inside.”

“Cumminggg, princess, oh my god, baby girl,” San groaned heavily, lifting you up and down on his throbbing length, before fully sheathing himself inside you, coating your walls with white.

Panting, you both gazed at each other’s sweat-covered faces and bodies, knowing internally that it wasn’t enough. Not nearly.

“Again?”

“Again.”

San didn’t waste any time gently pulling you off of him and climbing on top of you instead, spreading you open and filling you back up, sighing at the sight of your mixed arousal forming a ring around the base of his cock each time he pounded himself into you. “You’re so full of my cum, baby…so full of my cock, aren’t you, pretty girl?”

“So full for you, Sannie, don’t stop,” you gasped, hardly able to breathe with the way he had you folded up, your legs over his shoulders, his cock slamming so deep inside you that you swore he was hitting your womb.

“Wasn’t gonna,” San exhaled, chuckling softly, his lips curling up to give you a smile, his eyes creasing with amusement. “Need to show you my love.”

“Show me, baby,” you sighed affectionately, smiling back at him, giggling at the sight of his eyes lighting up, before you pressed a kiss to his lips.

The wet, sloppy sound of your bodies joining together over and over filled up the otherwise quiet cabin, along with your harmonious moans, the remaining pieces of firewood still crackling away beside you. Time seemed to stop completely. It was just you and him, coming undone together for what seemed like a lifetime.

You both ended up back on the couch, your limbs and bodies entangled, snuggling together underneath the cozy blanket, talking with each other about anything and everything until your eyelids grew heavy, leading you to drift off, your fingers clasped together.

Before you could fully fall asleep, you nuzzled your cheek against San’s chest, gently inhaling his comforting scent. He smelled like aftershave, warm cedar wood, and spiced cinnamon. It reminded you of your time there at the cabin, the memories you spent together, both good and bad, swirling together to form a comfortingly bittersweet concoction, one that you would consume in every lifetime.

“San,” you whispered softly into the darkness, the fire beside the both of you now ashes and smoke.

“Yes, Y/N?” he whispered back, his arms closing around you protectively.

You sighed against his skin, your body and heart melting like the snow would begin to do as well, once the sun came up. “I love you so much, San…” You lifted your head up, hovering above him so that you could look down at him, your fingers clutching his jaw, your expression so soft San thought you might cry. “I want to show you how to share some of that love with yourself one day.”

San smiled up at you, his eyes full of so much adoration for you, it threatened to spill out of him, his fingers running through your hair. “You showed me, Y/N. Through it all, behind every word, every action, I still saw it there. That’s why I put myself first and confessed to you.” He smiled softly, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “I’m…not nearly as put together as I seem. I just love you so much, it makes me want to be strong. For you. And…for me.”

You didn’t realize you were crying too until you saw your teardrops land on his face and slide down his cheek, wondering if your icy heart had finally melted, and that was why there were so many tears escaping from your blurry eyes. “Oh, San, my sweet San, I’ll be here to watch you grow, I promise,” you murmured, hugging onto him and laying back down to rest your head on his chest, gently rolling the ring around your finger.

San’s hand came up from underneath the blanket to rest on top of yours. He squeezed your hand and you squeezed right back. “Promise?”

“Promise,” you repeated softly, closing your eyes, your heart at peace. “As long as you promise to watch me too.”

San closed his eyes too, a few more happy tears dripping past his cheeks, squeezing you just a little tighter than before. San felt safe. Whole. “I’d love nothing more, Y/N.”

Apply for the taglist here ⇢ ♡

© kitten4sannie, 2023.

[shewhoeatssand]

Tagging @just-another-tokyo-ghoul-fan @quino7 @websterweaver @whateverdays-reblogs @ghoulsbian

Rules: Make a poll of five of your all time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite.

Tagging: @origami10 @as21-7 @thefandomsurfer @shewhoeatssand @ghoulwings and anyone else who wants to do it, consider yourself tagged!

[c0llisiion]

Cr. _3aem on twitter/x for the pic

★pairing : gojo satoru + fem!reader

★genre : smut , slight angst , fluff(?)

★: clan leader!gojo , mean dom!gojo , dubcon/cnc , lots of crying, name calling, degrading, choking, slapping, gojo is a douchebag towards reader in the beginning, fluff at the end, aftercare — lmk if i missed any!

★W/C: 861

A/N: saw the comments under the first gojo post SO I WROTE A REDEMPTION 😍☝️ gonna be going on a break till the end of feb so 💔 i have so many clan leader gojo headcanons hehehe anyways enjoy!

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ MDNI. Please refrain from reading if the topics make you uncomfortable. ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

“Shit- fuck- look at you. So pathetic. Crying and whining. You better stop before I smack some sense into you.” He said, harshly as he thrusted into you from beneath. He had you bouncing on his long, thick cock while your hands clawed at his chest and shoulders. Head low, and hot tears fell on his broad chest. His hands tightened around your hips, keeping you in place while he pushed up into you at an inhumane rate.

“I told you to stop crying. What is the reason to cry? Is the dick too good?” He said darkly with a chuckle, landing a harsh slap on your reddening ass. This time, Satoru was particularly rough. And it was making you uncomfortable. You had no desire to do it. The feeling alone was making you feel weird. But you, of course, couldn't say anything because you were scared he would lash out at you, so you kept silent, letting your tears do the talking. Tears were staining your face. You looked like a mess, but that wasn't the concern at the moment. You yell in pain and shake your head. Satoru looked at you, amused. He knew something was off, but he ignored his intuition. Through tear-filled eyes, you glanced at his face. His face had a stern look. He scowled at your lack of response and tightened his grip on your hips, guaranteed to form bruises as he thrusted up into you harshly. He pulled you off his dick before slamming you back with great force. mouth flung open and eyes wide, choked-out cries slipping from your lips every second. “You wanna be all bratty right? Im gonna make you regret it.”

The pleasure quickly turned into pain as he continued fucking into you. Satoru now had you on your back, his hand wrapped around your neck, in a tight grasp as he pounded into you. He seemed to not get the signal that you weren’t enjoying it. “Gojo..!” You cried out as his cock hit a specific spot. Your hands were around his wrist, trying to push him away. “Quit resisting, bitch. I know you like it. Better stay still before I do something bad.” You shook your head, tears running down the sides of your face. Satoru slapped your face, which made your breathing stop for a second. “Take it, you stupid cunt. Take it. I know you can.” He said smoothing over your cheek. You nod out of fear and let him keep pounding into you.

After a moment, you reach your breaking point. It was just too much, and you were getting really uncomfortable. “G-gojo..” Your voice was soft and hoarse as you called out to him. Satoru was too immersed in the pleasure and ignored you. You call out to him once again. “Gojo.. i-i dont-“ “shut up.” That was all he said as he increased his speed. You cried out. “Gojo..! P-please..!” With every word you said, his pace and strength increased. “Satoru stop! I don’t like it! Stop it, please!” You screamed out, bursting into tears, making Satoru stop and look at you, astonished. You were not expecting his next move. Satoru immediately wrapped his arms around your body, pulling you closer to his sweaty body. He held your shaking body tightly towards himself. You were too out of it to process the embrace and just cried into his chest. His hands smoothed over your lower back. “Shh..shh..” he shushed you, kissing your forehead softly. This was the first time he ever showed you affection. His grip tightened. “Its fine.. you are safe with me. Dont cry. Im sorry..” he whispered into your ears. You couldn’t help but cry into his chest more. “Im gonna prepare us a bath… will that be okay with you?” He asked you tenderly. You nod and feel his warmth leave your side. He quickly wrapped you in his haori, put his pants back on, and walked out of the room. You heard him ordering his servants to prepare a bath immediately before he returned to your shared room. He sat in front of you and pulled you into his lap, hugging you tightly. “Its alright.. You are okay..” He kissed your head before picking you up in bridal style.

He slowly placed you in the warm water before getting in himself. His hands wrapped around your waist gently, pulling you closer to his chest. Your head lay on his chest as you sniffled and cried. Satoru was gently stroking your hair, not wanting to make you even more uncomfortable. “I..im- im sorry.. g-gojo” you managed to mumble out. Satoru shook his head, pulling you in closer. “No. Im sorry. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell me you were uncomfortable?” He asks you with concern. You nod. “I- i… was scared. Im sorry. Im sorry i was not able to-“ “shh..shh.. its alright. I'm glad you are feeling okay. That's the only thing that matters right now."

You nuzzle into his chest, loving the warmth of his body wrapped around you. Satoru sighed and kissed your forehead. “I love you.” 

A/N: HEHE THANK YOU FOR READING!!! Sorry if it seemed too rushed 😭 More clan leader gojo headcanons? 🤫🧏‍♂️

[em-harlsnow]

the ages of shameless characters does nothing but drive me crazy, so I'm activating some detective skills to figure them out throughout the seasons. also - im ignoring the years or times that the seasons came out, just going by what the show says.

First off: Mickey - bday is 10 August 1994

Season 1: 16, because...

he's not in it much, he doesn't speak much, but we know two things - he's a teenager and he's under 18 since he goes to juvie. He's in juvie for some part of three seasons, so I think it's safe to put him at 16.

Season 2: 16 for a bit, then 17, because....

it's now summer, and Mickey comes out of juvie. I think he turns 17 that summer, because when he goes back in, people are wearing coats more so I assume it's getting colder, so it's past august.

Season 3: 17 for half, 18 for the other half, because...

it's summer at the start, so Mickey's been in juvie for like 6/7 months. he's still 17, because he didn't go to prison at any point. by the time he marries Svetlana, I think he's 18. I don't know how old you have to be to get married in Illinois, but I'll say 18 because American laws confuse me more than anything else. either way, again, people are wearing warmer clothes around the time he marries her, so he must be 18.

Season 4: 18, because...

it's winter, the whole way through. There's no way it's the next year, since Ian is still underage according to Mickey (altho there's a possibility he meant under the drinking age of 21, but I don't think so). So Ian's been gone for a few months, maybe like 5 since it could be Jan/Feb and he must have left Autumn time. Therefore, Mickey's 18. The whole time. Summer hasn't come, so his birthday hasn't passed.

Season 5: 19, because....

it's summer for the first part. Late summer, since the last half is in wintery time based on everyone's coats. We can assume that Mickey has his birthday either between season 4 and 5 or right at the beginning of season 5. So maybe he's 18 for like 5 seconds. But for the majority and the end, he must be 19.

Season 6: 19/20, because...

he's only in it for one scene (diabolical). I can't tell what the season is really, because there aren't many coats being worn at the start, and then loads at the end. It seems unreasonable that a whole spring and summer have been skipped, doesn't it? although, maybe it's possible. There are also some days when it seems really hot and some where it looks cold, so I have no idea. I don't know what the weather's like in Chicago, sorry. So he's either 19 or 20 when we see him. Most likely 20. Either way, he went into prison when he was 19, unless the trial was really long and lasted from winter to august, which I doubt.

Season 7: 21 (when he appears), because...

we have two episodes (again, very sad). it starts in the summer based on the t-shirts without jackets everyone wears. by the time ep 10 and 11 hit, it's colder. it's hard to tell at the end, since they're at the border or approaching the border and the further south you go the hotter it gets, and it's very sunny when mickey goes across. If season 6 really is that winter and they skipped the summer (which now makes more sense), it's the following summer, going into autumn. so, august has probably passed by the time we see mickey. so he's 21 now.

Season 8: 21, 22 by the end (even tho we don't see him), because...

no mickey (rude). we can still assume his age based on the seasons and other characters. it's summer again! I'm guessing it's the year after?? since it looked like season 7 was approaching autumn? that also means Ian and Trevor were dating for around a year, and I didn't realise it was so long to be honest. anyway, if it's summer again, at some point throughout mickey turns 22 (alone, in Mexico).

Season 9: 23, because...

one scene with mickey! it's still summer, the same summer as before I think, because there's no way the Gay Jesus thing lasted a full year. it looks like it's a direct continuation from season 8. by the last ep, Ian is wearing a hat and an undershirt under the prison uniform, so it's autumn-y time. so, mickey's either already 23 when we see him, or about to turn 23. by the end, he's definitely 23.

Season 10: 23 at the start, 24 by the end, because...

it's summer when Ian comes out of prison. I'd put it at early summer, since Ian says it's been less than a year of being in prison. so at the start, mickey's still 23. by the wedding, it's 'supposed to snow', so I guess it's full on winter. so august is passed, mickey is 24, and finally had his bday when he's with Ian.

Season 11: 24 at the start, 25 at the end, because...

summer again at the start based on all the t-shirts. early summer, because by ep 10, mickey goes swimming or does something in the pool, because I'm not convinced he can swim, which you aren't gonna do in the autumn/winter, right? by the last ep, there are more coats, and it's their anniversary so it's 'supposed to snow', so it must be winter time. so he's 24 at the start, 25 at the end.

In conclusion, Mickey is way younger than he seems (im not talking about Noel, he looks the age he's meant to be, he just seems older). Also, Gallavich has been together for 9 years.

Let me know if you disagree with any of this, I think I'll do Ian next! I don't know if this was obvious to everyone else and I'm just slow, but this is gonna help me loads when I'm figuring out weather seasons and ages for fics lol.

Shameless needs to deal with its shitty timelines. It was much better at consistency in the earlier seasons.

[blue-jisungs]

horizon zero dawn

# author's note … sigh. i started writing it in feb 2024 LMAO when me n zanna would play (i mean i would play horizon n zanna would watch) so this is dedicated to her <3 im so so sorry how shitty it gets later, you can see the diff when i came back to finish it ... (fun fact this fic was inspired by that one gif of yeonjun who took off his shoe and kicked beomgyu LMAOOO n we were like... wow that was so sneaky... imagine him attacking like that...)

# summary … you're an outcast, no one can talk to you and no one wants to... except a weird, red-headed guy

# word count … 3432

# genre … horizon zero:dawn au! (wow if u coudlnt tell by the title... axe u r sooo smart) its not really lore based, only the fact that theres dangerous machines of diff kinds and there's a major law of being an outcast but fic explains it :D

# warnings … rushed ending + an open ending so its up to interpretation what yn (you!!) choose! blood, swearing, fighting (yn bites a man lmao), killing an animal (the way i wrote the scene after seeing deers while in a car BYE), flashback in italics

it was his moment of glory.

the machine stood there, a few feet away from him yet close enough to take it down with one, precise hit.

he’ll take it down and bring the parts, gaining respect amongst the villagers.

crouching in the high grass, the gentle wind making the grass-stalk tickle his face. hands gripping the spear, he took a deep breath and slowly released it.

it was his moment… though that’s a shame that no one will see it. maybe he shouldn’t have wandered off so far.

better to hunt it fast and return before it gets dark.

the machine had massive antlers which were the most precious part. other than that he could possibly loot some shards and valuables.

yeonjun jolted forwards, jumping out of his hiding spot. the blue light in the machine’s lenses changed to red in the blink of an eye. the spearhead landed right above the eye, not making a critical damage.

“fuck” he grunted and ripped the spear out, rolled over and sank it again, this time aiming for the fragile part hidden under the belly of the machine.

it made a loud, whining noise and fell lifelessly with a thud, dust swirling in the air.

“ha, suck it” yeonjun hummed happily and kneeled down, rummaging through in search of parts.

that’s one of the reasons why he preferred mechanical animals rather than real ones. no blood, bones and skin… mess in general. just metallic gears, wirings and containers.

he noticed something shiny and dived in, a foxy smile of satisfaction painting on his lips.

yeonjun failed to notice that the noise when the machine fell dead alarmed a nearby predator.

just when he grabbed the heavy metal antlers and stood up, his eyes met with the thin red light of an angry creature.

“oh shit” he grunted and reached for his bow, fingers almost slipping with how sweaty they got.

the cheetah looking beast started running, its slim

legs making its movements faster. before yeonjun could draw a bow and shoot an arrow, the murderous creature was opening its mouth. metallic, silver fangs even from afar reflected his face in them. mere moments before it jumped and yeonjun almost released an arrow, there was a sudden swish. an arrow cut the air faster than the wind blows and it pierced the machine’s eyes from the side. it fell down on its face, moving on the ground due to the momentum. the dead piece of metal landed at yeonjun’s feet and he stared at one of the ends of an arrow poking through the lifeless lens.

“i almost got it!” he grunted and looked up. he saw someone approach him, a bow in their hand. “nice shot”

“i know” a feminine voice reached his ears and he sighed. great, now everyone in the moa village will laugh at him “that was foolish of you to stay in the open space like this”

you approached him quietly, if he didn’t see you – he wouldn’t even know you’re here. your steps were noiseless. upon further examination, he noticed your equipment – it was handmade but fully professional, adorned with blue sewings… similar to those in his tribe.

“where are you from?” you asked, noticing his eyes wandering on your bow. kneeling down to deatach the lenses of the machine. yeonjun watched how swiftly your fingers moved, prying open the material with your nails.

“moa village” he stuttered.

“you shouldn’t be talking to me then” your voice was cold as you hid the broken lens in one of the sacks you carried.

“why? i’m a curious person, i wanna talk. besides, thank you… even though i’m a great archer i guess… my timing was a little off” yeonjun grinned, patting his weapon.

“i’m an outcast” you grunted and heard him mutter a quiet ‘oh’.

the law (at least the law in those lands) forbid people to talk to outcasts. if one broke the law, they would be subject to being outcast as well. it’s a punishment – some people get exiled forever and some for a certain amount of years. it all depends on the crime committed, from stealing to murder. however, some outcasts even after being allowed to return to the village decide not to.

“but… no one is here anyway. and i want to thank you. is there a way i can repay you for saving me?” yeonjun mumbled, scratching his neck.

you looked up at him and your eyes met, his ebony irises glowing with genuine honesty… and a spark of curiosity.

“just go home and don’t get killed” you grunted and stood up, nudging the piece of metal with your foot. yeonjun nodded, a mischievous idea blooming in his head like a snowdrop flower after winter.

“sure, of course. i won’t. farewell, outcast stranger” he smiled like a fox and waved.

you watched him leave. the boy was turning around to glance at you from time to time before his silhouette blended with the landscape.

and so you parted your ways.

crouching down, bow drawn and arm stretched, you aimed at a deer. it was a bit away from its herd so you wanted to use it as an opportunity to attack without startling the rest. you just had to land the arrow perfectly between its eyes, causing an instant and painless death. your mentor always taught you that it’s the least you can do while hunting – a quick and painless death for the animal.

the deer lowered its head to start munching on fresh grass and that’s when you released an arrow. with a whistle of the air being cut, the animal dropped dead.

before you walked up to it, there was a quiet crunch of a branch breaking. you turned around, scanning the area and drawing your bow again. was it a machine? you would’ve heard it before, surely.

another crunch.

this time you were able to locate the source of the sound and moments before releasing the loaded arrow, someone jumped out of the bushes.

“don’t kill me!” he yelped and you froze, not lowering your bow. the nearby deers ran away, scared by the sudden noise. well, besides the dead one at your feet.

“you…” a grunt left your lips, realizing it’s the guy you saved two days ago. his face lit up, stepping closer. but you aimed the bow at his head “don’t. move.”

“ah– why? i’m– i don’t want to hurt you” he whined, a pout forming on his lips.

“then explain yourself. why the fuck you’re here? it’s the complete opposite direction from the way you were headed. you were spying me… but why?” you came to a conclusion, eyes trained on him. the man just giggled nervously.

“i… i know it will sound weird but i was just… curious, yeah… and i didn’t even tell you my name yet!” he reasoned and pointed at the deer “i want to help you. let me carry the deer for you?”

you sighed, putting down your bow and hiding the arrow. standing up, you nodded.

“fine. what’s your name, stranger?” you tilted your head, grabbing the arrow that was stuck in the deer. some crimson blood splashed on the ground.

“yeonjun. choi yeonjun” he said and walked up to the animal. you watched him with a puzzled look on your face “what?”

shaking your head, you smiled.

“do you even know how to–” you started but he leaned and grabbed the dead body.

“i was… taught. nevermind. lead the way, lady outcast” yeonjun hummed happily. so you did, avoiding branches.

“be careful. we’ll eat it later” you grunted, looking at him through your arm.

“we?” he repeated happily

“i’m an outcast, not a weirdo. you’ll have a stew and leave” you sighed and immediately stopped, causing yeonjun to bump into you “shh”

there was… a quiet squeaking sound somewhere in the bushes. you looked at him, cocking an eyebrow, and suddenly he smiled softly.

“that’s a fox” he smiled, catching your confused daze “i… ever since i was a kid, i attracted foxes. weird thing. but ignore it, it’ll eventually leave on its own”

letting out an amused huff you began walking again. yeonjun followed you, catching a glimpse of a copper-colored tail in the bushes.

“so… may i know your name, oh mighty outcast?” he cooed and you fidgeted with a pocket knife that you always carried around.

“at my place. also, if you think about it, it’s highly unreasonable to track a stranger and then follow them to their house, don’t you think?” you said casually, stepping over a rock.

“well, they call me ‘unserious fool’ at the village so i guess i know exactly what i’m doing” yeonjun hummed.

for a moment comfortable silence fell between you two so you took in the spirit of the woods.

autumn was your favorite season. trees turning into beautiful bouquets of yellows, reds, browns and oranges. under the sunlight, some leaves looked golden and filled up your heart with nostalgia. you lived alone so most of the time you spent outside, hunting or gathering herbs. during autumn various animals were preparing for the winter sleep so you even had a chance to admire bears if you wandered far enough. badgers, raccoons or squirrels… you loved to sit down and watch them wander in their natural habitat. not to mention all the precious mushrooms growing after a heavy rain. and during this season, the air was crisp and refreshing, even if it stung your cheeks with coldness. what’s there not to adore?

“i apologize in advance for my cooking” you said suddenly. yeonjun hummed.

“don’t worry. i ate my friend’s food and survived so it will take much to take me down” he grinned proudly.

“i noticed” you snickered, touching a tree that you passed by. its tree bark was rough and coarse but you enjoyed that feeling.

“are we there yet?” yeonjun suddenly asked and you just let out a deep sigh.

arriving at your place took a bit longer than usual… apparently yeonjun was a very slow walker and tripped twice over a stone. but you made it eventually. and the deer - surprisingly - managed to stay in one piece.

you insisted yeonjun sat down as you started preparing a stew from your whatever was nearby. herbs, dried mushrooms, leftover broth, fresh vegetables from your garden…

you felt his gaze on you and heard his calm breathing. it was quite an usual sound, as for someone who lived alone since–

“nice place you’ve got there, outcast” he hummed and when you looked over his shoulder, you saw him admiring your place.

it was rather simple. all the furniture handmade from scratch, bunches of herbs and braids of garlic attached to the walls to dry, bows and tools scattered on the floor. and a rug.

“this rug…” he breathed out, the sound of a chair scratching the floor reaching your ears. the faint sound of his bones cracking signaled that he kneeled down.

yeonjun’s fingers traced the rough material of the beautifully crafted rug. light blues, greens and yellows braided and intertwined together only to blend with a thick white stitching. a spiral of colors leading to three x signs in the middle.

he turned around, eyes widened. he felt a cold metal on his neck, of a nearest weapon you grabbed, your cold gaze meeting him from above. raising his chin, his mouth fell ajar.

“you’re from moa village?” yeonjun breathed out, utterly shocked.

“so what if i am? were you sent to spy on me, yeonjun?” you grunted and he shook his head vigorously as a no.

“no! no, no! i was just… it’s difficult to explain but there was just something pulling me towards you and i couldn’t… i had to figure out what…” he started explaining. his hands roamed on the floor but you only poked the spear at his throat further.

“don’t. move.” you hissed through your clenched teeth.

“i promise i don’t want to hurt you!” yeonjun whined, panicked.

“you wouldn’t even hurt a fly, junjun. i’m not scared ‘bout that” you said slowly, watching his features morph into pure shock. eyes widened, nose flaring, mouth open wide and chest rising up and down quickly “i’m just thinking what to do with you now”

“no one has ever called me that in ten years” he murmured. and then you saw it: a spark of realization in his ebony eyes “y/n…?”

lowering your spear, you saw you might’ve accidentally pressed too hard: a faint trickle of scarlet blood ran down his neck.

but he didn’t care, rising to his feet and… wrapping his arms around you. now it was your turn to be left frozen, not knowing how to react. you haven’t felt the touch of a human in ten years, not to mention how it was to hug.

“it’s you” he stuttered, burying his head in your neck. whereas you choked back tears, he didn’t hold himself back. broken sobs escaped his lips, body shaking in your arms. you slowly, awkwardly even, hugged him back.

being a girl is tough, especially in a village when there’s a majority of men. luckily, you had some friends that weren’t as bad as other boys in the village. beomgyu, soobin, kai, taehyun… and yeonjun. you lost your parents while they were out on a hunt whe you were 8 and ever since, soobin’s family took care of you. but you loved playing with all of them equally.

when they hit the age of 13, they had to prepare to become an important part of the tribe one day. their trainings began, slowly losing time to hang out with you.

but yeonjun always tried to spend some time with you. sometimes you two would sneak out at night and go on walks, to catch up.

it all took a turn when one day one of the village boys, older than you, started bugging you.

“come on, why are you hanging out with those losers? they are all gonna end up as butchers or blacksmiths, you should stick with me. i’ll be a hunter” he grinned, grabbing your wrist.

“leave me alone, fucker. at least they are normal” you grunted, trying to run away from his hold.

“normal? come on, they’d ditch you the second they had a chance” the boy, kinam, pulled you closer.

“they wouldn’t. don’t even try to talk about them” you shook your head.

“come on, it’s not even like they’re gonna defend themselves because yeonjun is a pussy!”

“he’s not!” you huffed, attempting to wriggle away from his hold. when you noticed trying to run away doesn’t work, you decided to take a swing and punch him. not only to run away but also he deserved it: no one will talk bad about your friends. especially junjun.

his, oh so manly, scream attracted attention. people gathered to see what was happening.

“oh i’ll beat you up” he hissed, coming at you.

yeonjun heard yells and frowned upon realizing there’s a feminine voice. running to see what’s happening, pushing through the crowd… he saw you, covered in blood. but so was kinam, in who you were currently sinking your teeth.

“y/n, stop, you’ll–” yeonjun called and ran to grab you, separating from the other boy. kinam started attacking him but yeonjun’s hold around you only tightened. curling your back, he took the hits.

“enough! what is happening here?” an elderly voice spoke up. it was kinam’s father, the tribe leader.

“she started punching me, i only acted in self defense!” kinam shouted. you just shook your head, tears running down your cheeks.

“that’s not true… i just wanted to escape and he wouldn’t let go…” you whispered. yeonjun lulled you softly.

“i know, don’t worry. it’ll be okay” he hummed; however, there were dark thoughts in his head. violence in the village wasn’t accepted. and this was the leader’s son, after all.

“you attacked my son?” his father asked, the bass of his voice booming in your ears. shaking your head as a no, the realization began to settle in.

you’re in trouble.

“no, it was him who…” you started and slightly tapped yeonjun to move. he helped you stand up and grabbed your hand.

“you did attack my son. there are witnesses” the leader said, eyeing you up and down. soobin and his parents arrived, fear in their eyes.

“no, it was-!”

“kinam would never attack a lady. we saw and heard when you hit him first” an older lady standing by cut in. you began shaking your head as no, managing eye contact with mrs choi. she knew.

“you will be punished” was all what the leader said and turned around, grabbing his son’s wrist. before walking away, kinam sent you a victorious smirk.

the crowd disappeared and you clutched onto yeonjun, unable to control your sobs.

“i attacked him but only because he was saying shit about you… and he wouldn’t let go of me” you cried, panicking. yeonjun saw soobin’s family approaching “i don’t wanna be exiled, junjun, please…”

but life - nor law - isn’t always fair. this was the last time you hugged yeonjun, being sent into to wild to lead the life of an outcast. no one was permitted to talk to you and you weren’t able to say goodbye to your guardian parents, friends.

with tears in your eyes and just a bunch of your stuff in your arms, you saw them for the last time. beomgyu and taehyun had to hold yeonjun back from running after you as the village guards closed the gate.

your exile was meant to last 15 years.

so as a 14 year olds you thought you'd never see each other again. especially that you didn’t have any knowledge of how to survive in the wild.

but here you are, reunited.

yeonjun leaned away, his eyes puffy.

“how… i… holy shit” he breathed out, his lower lip quivering. you smiled softly and wiped his wet cheeks.

“i managed. i’ve stumbled across some people, they were travelers and didn’t mind helping me. i’ve learned how to hunt, gather… it was okay. hey, don’t cry” a gentle scoff left your lips upon seeing his eyes tear up again.

“you were just a girl… i’m so sorry” he croaked out, shaking his head. then, he managed to smile “you recognized me right away, didn’t you? why didn’t you tell me?”

“when you said you’re from our village. i didn’t want to say because i knew you wouldn’t want to come back. i didn’t want you to live in pain that i’m in” you hummed and brushed his hair away

“we were sure you are alive. no one doubted you– holy shit” he gasped, eyes twinkling.

“what?” you frowned. yeonjun ran his fingers through his hair nervously but a huge smile painting on his lips gave him away.

“kinam is the leader now, his father passed away. it was like two years ago and he admitted he angered you on purpose. he, um, felt really bad and said that it haunts him everyday. he wished he could tell you that you are safe to come back” yeonjun breathed out and you blinked, sitting down on you bed.

he did the same, grabbing your hand.

“that’s why i became a hunter. the day you were outcasted, i changed my training. i suck at it, yeah, but that was the only way to leave the village. and i can’t believe i found you” the man grinned, admiring your changed features. changed but still beautiful.

you observed his eyes widen.

“come back to the village. or let me live with you! i- i can’t live without you now that i know you’re here and, and-” yeonjun mumbled, falling to his knees and burying his face in the fabric of your shirt. you ran your fingers through his soft locks and smiled gently.

“junjun, stand up” your voice was quiet but he obliged in a blink of an eye, taking in a sharp breath “i missed you so much”

and with that, you captured his lips in a long kiss. it was full of never spoken confessions, ever-lasting feelings and love. pure love that only parted lovers could share.

with that, his soft lips on yours; you made up your mind where you will continue your life. whether it was in your faraway safe place or back in the hometown you haven’t stepped foot in years, you knew everything will be perfectly fine because now you have yeonjun by your side.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @mirxzii ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura

@nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @mon2sunjinsuver ,, @ocean-minho ,,

@eternalgyu ,, @haecien ,, @nonononranghaee

[aousboom]

urgent rent need !!

hi friends, as you may know i've been struggling financially after a significant monetary set back at the end of last year. in recovering from this set back, i've been consistently about half a month behind on my rent, paying routinely but never quote zeroing my balance out before next month's rent hits. my management company has now given me the warning that i must fully pay off my balance, meaning finishing paying jan rent & pay all of feb - by thurs feb 8th or they will take further action against me

i can plausibly cover 1 month's rent without completely emptying my bank acct but that still leaves me ~$350 short of paying off my balance. i need support. the tumblr community has been so kind to me as i've struggled over the past 6ish months and i hate that i'm asking for help again but this time im truly desperate... the thought of being stripped of my place to live is terrifying

i have these platforms available

v*nmo & c*sh*pp: aljaaay/$aljaaay

plus p*yp*al

as ppl have pointed out, tumblr like to punish those who are struggling so im trying to avoid explicitly mentioning terms related to m*tual a*d

reblogs would mean the world & the biggest thank you to all of you once again

[cconfusedkat]

(shaking hands, functioning on three iced coffees, not beta read we just die) (LIL BRO TREATING THIS LIKE AO3Anyways yeah i did not read anything i typed here a second time so my wording might Suck Major Kuss)

Hey chat! sorry my holiday depression unfortunately kicked in, i had a ,, relatively decent Eid (cuz i dont celebrate christmas) ...? so i hope everyone had a relatively better holiday than i did… 💦

My friends often tell me i look like my art and i kinda see it. Hooray! Meeting the artist! Except i took matters into my own hands of making my own collage because I Do Not Have Enough Storage Space For Any Other Editing App

Additional shitpost ❤️ the art I've been most proud of are not actually in here, really! I'm mainly proud of the fanart i made for the few smiling critters AU's aaaall the way back feb-march but. I guess the stuff i liked the most i did this year was probably for the one who wilts? Im trying to think of stuff earlier than that. I noticed i definitely had an improvement in art, and i learned i do have a preference of drawing certain ways now too lmao- the fun of art! I hope to improve more in 2025 :-)

Herm,, all jokes aside, im glad people like my art...?? I am not a very Secure artist myself (already taking me five minutes to type that out and consider myself as an artist) so im SHOCKED when people Actually like my things. My doodles. The sometimes rare occasion of real art i put out there. Like! Wow! Thats crazy

Id have to say the same for youtube- im currently at 456 subscribers 🥺❤️ that is huge to me,, i wouldnt have expected me posting for the first time in years on youtube would result to me getting this many subscribers? ? .???

Im very, VERY thankful for the people ive met this year through fandom and generally. Unfortunately—for the past few months—Ive hit a really low stump in my mental health that limits me from talking to people without getting super drained, even on social media i kinda struggle with being active again. I am thankful for the people that continue to stick around and know im the way that i am,, one day ill be mentally stronger and everyone is gonna see my growth as soon as i can ,, Actually leave my own home and hopefully start a new. I didnt really consider that until one of my friends shared its experiences with me and i GENUINELY realized i can run away and get better one day,, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,, there IS,, but not now. Not today. Not in a few months. Itll take me years to heal but 2025 and ongoing years as i get more freedom to do so,,

UHHHH UHHH. ASIDE FROM CHEESY RANTING OF HAVING HOPES FOR THE FUTURE, YAPYAPYAP- i got a drawing tablet (again another thing my friend inspired me for- technically two major things in a row it inspired me for- hope in the future and drawing BWAHAHA-) and uhhh. HmMMOOHHH YEAH I REUNITED MY MEOWMEOWS! HOORA🎊🎊🎊🎊

my 2025 goals are not just improvement in art,, but in hopes of getting a full time job (since my last full time UMM. did NOT work out well! How am i gonna learn to pay my taxes on my own dawg,) and trying to get a place of my own since i missed out on that two years ago (or one? One year ago? I DUNNO..!!!!) , therapy and trying to heal better compared to my terrible stumps of 2022-2024,, i dunno what else but. Maybe working on my social skills at some point 🗿🗿 a far fetched goal is moving out of state completely and also going on testosterone but that is farrrr from now </33

Thank you lot for following and keeping up with my goofiness i gen did not think an animanga nerd with a passion of indie and mascot horror games could reach 510 followers within one year HELPPP thats crazy

On less serious goals though i hope on watching more animes than reading manga in 2025 BWAHAHAGAHSAJD i read manga more and anime is Extremely Rare for me to watch but both jjk and Beastars have all ive been watching as of recent lol- trust i will be such a geek (girl Please that is NAWT something to look forward to) (YES IT IS. HAVE YOU NO WHIMSY?)

[sakiyaki-sashimi]

Guesss whoooo.. (Why am I on anon uhm.. because I feel like it's necessary if I'm going to be stupid and cheesy..)

FEB 13TH WAS MY LAST ASK WHAT.. Technically we've been talking between that time just off anon but I can't believe this sad face..

OKAY IT TOOK ME A SECOND BUT I'M BACK IN THE BUILDING!! LOUD EXPLOSION NOISES!! NOW LET'S RESPOND TO THE LAST ASK STUFF!!

First of all, yeah. I'm a stalker, looks out the window into the rain. No, I had your Spotify for a hot second so when you said you were making a playlist, I checked every once in a while for said playlist :3

I just remember you can't send media using anon sigh, links here we go.. Here's your playlist as of current :3 - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4Nay6FngvM8dkOP4HyvREF?si=1419e3328cfd40b9&pt=af63abd1b06d0bf34952a0da86f74458

(Hopefully the link works.. it's on private but praying..)

ARTIC MONKEY SONGS WENT HARD!! I DID LISTEN TO IT ON SHUFFLE AND YEAH.. Arctic Monkeys my beloved..

Yosuke Hamaura.. what a #loser.. AND THE PERCEPTION OF ME WAH?? And brunette is sort of a funny assumption, I neither confirm or deny..

AND THE AKITO SPEAK ENGLISH VIDEO! I ACTUALLY SAW THAT BEFORE AND THOUGHT IT WAS SILLY! Me when the vivid bad does vivid bad things.. (I say before looking at my entirely MMJ team on PJSK.. MMJ I love you so much..)

TIER LIST WOULD BE FUN!!! I tend to have really passionate feelings about certain tropes (I actually adore 5 + 1 fics, I eat them up every time...) so I think that'd be so fun :33

I DID THE QUIZ WAHOO!! I GOT YUTA?? Reasoning being, and I quote "You will never let anyone hurt your friends, no matter what. Although it takes a little while for you to open up and trust someone, everyone close to you will say it was worth the time and effort." SO!!

I think the first part was pretty accurate.. I tend to get one might say.. overly protective over my besties.. BUT YEAH UHMM.. THAT'S WHO I GOT!!

And yeah.. I GUESS... you got it right.. sigh.. (I say as if you didn't already know this for like.. a week or two now I don't know..)

Okay. My cheesy words for the day uhm, yeah no. I think I might accidentally start reiterating things so if I do, I explode but that just confirms they're still true right? :3 Yeah, uhm, I check on you every day and it has actually been making my friends put me through the wringer /lh

Because I'm usually not on my phone around them really?? Previously didn't have much of a reason to but now I check and double check your blog because perhaps you dropped another banger since the last 30 mins I checked y'know.. "You're interacting with your friend again, aren't you." ERM. WELL SO WHAT IF I AM.. Nah, I just think it's silly.. I love seeing The Sakki Yakki Sasshi Shhimi on my dash.

And uh, random question while I'm here (Also ignore that time I'm writing this at, it's Friday and I'm not tired..) but how do we feel about the backrooms.. Odd question and sort of out of the blue but y'know.. I think the backrooms in so grgrgrgrg.. I've played so many rip off versions of it (On Roblox..) with my brother and it's so fun, I think it's fundamentally changed the way my brain works.

OKAY. DONE FOR REAL THIS TIME!! ILY MY RAD MUTUAL!! OKAY!! BYE BYEEEE :333

HIIII SAPPYYYYYY ik ik u off-anon now but anon hits different so yay for this!!!! Also yes it feels so long since I’ve talk-talked to u 😭🩷i

I EXPLODE TOO TWIN <33333

Very stalker of uuuuu but I have urs now too X3 imma go take a looksy looksy to see what I can findddddd

YES THE LINK WORKS AND OMG THATS ADORABLE!!!!! Luv the imageeeee and yes we’re very sun and moon core! We’re both very stars and planets core as welllll

ARCTIC MONKEYYYYSSS my mom thinks alex looks like a cancer survivor but whatever he’s hot ngl

HEHEHEHEE USUSALLY WHEN U SAY CONFIRM NOR DENY IM RIGHT >:D

Akito speaking English is my favorite pjsekai VA clip of all time bc just everyone else trying to support him like “yeah! That’s def what Americans do!” Is SO FUNNY to meeee

Yessss quiz!!!! I will find one at some point when I’m not exhausted sighhhh also OMG UR VERY YUTA CODED THATS SO BASED OF THEM IT WAS EITHER YUTA OR FUSHIGURO!!!!! Also dw im a bit possessive too X3 I don’t think that’s bad though, I think it’s natural to wanna have what you love most around the longest!

HAHAHAHA BEST DETECTIVE TAKE THAT L (I say being very Matsuda coded :p)

NO WAY BRO HAS SAKKI ROT but like lowkey same im with my mom but im always scrolling bc what if lamenting-peak-luxcubus posts… i gotta knowwwwww

Backrooms has always been interesting to me, but the bit/memes have never been funny to me and I find the horror aspects of it to be over sanitized. That being said, I haven’t thought about it in a while and I’d love to have creepypasta/SCP resurfacing on my blog!! So I would say I’m neutral to backrooms overall lol

Btw I LOVE ROBLOX <3333 DTI/Shovelware studios brain games are all I play rnnnnn I’m @SakiyakiSashimi on RBX I believe? If u wanna find me >:3

[kisswithfangs]

Can you please lore dump me about the Al Pacino misinformation/gay stuff? Your posts have me desperate for a deep dive.

on feb 18/19 2022 a couple mutuals and i started pretending that al pacino had come out as gay and got married to robert de niro and spammed a bunch of posts about it. basically just pretending it was really happening and i genuinely got a couple asks thinking it was real, and i think someone tried to call us out for sexualizing old men without their consent or something. it was the best of times and i hit post limit and it lasted for a couple days i think. anyways im tired of having a “real life” and having to go to “college” and think about the “real world” so we are bringing it back in two weeks. spread the word

[f1nalboys]

A request: fem!reader asks her voyeur bf billy if she wants to watch her fuck randy and he agrees

Cuck!Voyeur!Billy Loomis x Fem!AFAB!Reader x Randy Meeks

fuck me this req is from feb 24, 2022.. and i am...just now doing it.... and its not even a full length fic T-T O AM SO EVIL IM SORRY howver!!!! i hope despite the length that you all (but especially u my dear, thank u for being patient!!!) enjoy this silly little thing!!!!

WORD COUNT: 794

WARNINGS: nsfw, cuck voyeur billy, slight sub billy if you squint and read into it, oral (afab and amab receiving), multiple orgasms, creampie, threesome sorta, randy is a King <3, implication of more sex, proofread but probably missed some stuff

You’re sitting beside him, hand down his pants and lips on his throat, when you ask. He blinks, lost in the haze of pleasure from your hand on him and then your question is hitting him and he’s pulling away with a sound of disgust. “The fuck did you just ask me?” He’s staring at you intensely, eyebrows stitched together and the corner of his lip curled up in a sneer, but you just grin.

“I asked if you would want to watch me fuck Randy.” He shakes his head and scoffs but then your hand is down his pants again and he’s so hard, so needy he doesn’t bother to push your hand away. Billy tries to keep his eyes open, to keep looking at you, even when your hand is pumping slowly, squeezing at the base of his cock, swiping your thumb over his leaking tip. “Doesn’t that sound fun? Watching him fuck me, hearing me cum, all while you touch yourself?”

“That’s if he can make you cum,” Billy mutters, tripping over his words slightly. “Never should have told you I was into watching.” He grins, lifting his hips up and you roll your eyes, helping him pull his jeans down. He sighs, head tilting to the side as he watches you settle down onto the floor on your knees in front of him. “That something you’re interested in? Really?” You nod. “With Meeks?”

Grinning, you nod, spit into your palm and wrap your fingers around his cock again, leaning forwards and licking the tip gently, just to earn the hiss of pleasure he always gave you when you did it. “Yeah, but only if you’re watching.”

“Trust me,” He says, hand moving and resting on the back of your head, a sick grin gracing his flushed face. “I won’t be able to take my fucking eyes off of you.” You don’t have the chance to smile up at him or take in the compliment before he’s forcing your head down onto his cock, your harsh gag not being enough to drown out his loud groan of pleasure at feeling your throat constrict around him.

---------

Billy hated that he loved this. Here you were, on your back, legs tucked up to your chest getting fucked within an inch of your life by Randy fucking Meeks and here Billy was, cock in hand, so close it actually hurts. When the idea had been brought up to Randy he had turned bright red, shaking his head, telling Billy and you that it was ‘fucked up’ to tease him like that. When you both had reiterated that no, you weren’t teasing him, he had jumped at the chance. Billy thought it was… cute how eager he was to touch you, to make you feel good, to make you cum.

“F-fuck, Randy!” Billy tunes back into the scene in front of him, a moan caught in his throat at the sight of your legs shaking. Randy’s pace hadn’t slowed down once, a sheen of sweat covering his entire body. “Close, Billy, Randy, oh god!” Billy grips the base of his cock tightly, hips flexing, keeping him on the edge long enough to watch you come undone for the third time that night.

Randy suddenly chokes out a moan, body collapsing over you, rutting into your cunt as he feels himself teetering on the edge. You’re begging him to cum and you’re looking over at Billy and he knows you’re begging him to do it too. He cums without meaning to, too caught up in the whimper you let out as Randy cums inside you to stop himself from spilling over his fist. 

“That was… so good,” Randy says, giving you a few quick kisses before sitting back up and pulling out slowly, his hands keeping your thighs apart so he can watch his cum slowly spill out of you. “Can we do this again? Like, seriously, I’ll pay you both.”

“That’s prostitution, jackass,” Billy says but there’s no actual venom behind his words. He tucks himself back into his jeans and walks over, nudging Randy out of the way, positioning himself on his stomach. “Up to her, I don’t care.” He takes a slow lick up your cunt and you twitch, one hand tangling in his hair and the other grabbing ahold of Randy’s upper arm, nails digging into his freckled flesh.  Randy chuckles, leaning down and kissing you on the forehead, his cock twitching at the sight of Billy eating you out. “You don’t care but you’re eating my cum, okay, sure.” Billy grins against you and flips Randy off, adding his fingers into the mix. You were in for a very long night.

[woman-respecter]

Yo im super curious now who is that ex bestfriend that u mention on the taggs sometimes? Give us some ☕️

LMAO u have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for someone to ask me this. warning this is long and tells like. the entire story of our friendship which is probably more than u asked for haha

i’ll give the TL;DR here and the full story under the cut

TL;DR: we were best friends for about 3 years, she found out i had feelings for her, and, though she promised she would stay friends with me, ended up completely abandoning me, refusing to ever speak to me again.

ok so exbestfriend (i’ll call her R) and i became friends in my very first class of freshman year of college. we really hit it off and had like completely compatible ADHD wavelengths. i wouldn’t say we were inseprable that year bc i had other friends we spent more time with but her and I, along with another girl from our class (who was kinda insane. i’ll call her G) would spend a lot of time together. sophmore year R and i got closer and started spending a lot more time together. she was kinda my best friend at that point but also didn’t go to the play that i starred in and worked really hard on which was a minor thing but something i still remember. second semester sophomore year we got a lot closer and spent a lot more time together, often without G. middle of the semester i realized i was in love with R (i remember the exact date actually. feb 28 2020.) but youse know how 2020 was, we got sent home for covid.

during the pandemic i took a gap year and R did zoom college but she and i stayed very close in touch, facetiming and texting all the time. we even sent *handwritted letters* to eachother which i still have. in fact she was the *only* person from college who kept in touch with me then. she usually seemed too busy but tried to make time for me. during this time i fell more in love with her.

first semester my junior, R’s senior year was mostly a really good time for me (until the end which we will get to.) we were finally able to see eachother in person after over a year. G wasn’t there to third wheel because she was studying abroad. and R and i became inseparable, even deciding to take a class together (economics, which i loved and R hated). we also became part of a larger friend group which was great for me because i never had that, but still were closer with eachother than the rest of the group. we spent as much time together as possible and saw eachother almost every day. i will admit i was a little to clingy to her at times but she didn’t seem to mind. during this time she was very affectionate and caring towards me. she even did little things that made me think she may have returned my feelings like holding my hand. the other girls in our friend group seemed to believe that R may have liked me as well.

and here’s the part you’ve all been waiting for IF YOU ARE HERE FOR THE BREAKUP START READING HERE: for hanukkah i knitted her a pair of mittens, which i gave her along with a letter borderline confessing my feelings to her. after reading the letter she called me, told me she didn’t return my feelings and that in fact she now felt uncomfortable with me hugging her or telling her i loved her (as a friend) but said she would still would remain friends with me no matter what. the next day we had a convo over text where she said some pretty hurtful things which caused me to kind of act out the next time i saw her at a get together with the rest of our friends. the last time i saw her in person that semester (or, spoiler alert, ever) was when i had to beg her to drive me to the airport to go home for the semester because i could not get an uber but she only did so begrudingly (even tho before my confession of love she had planned to take me to the airport that day)

during winter break i tried reaching out to her to talk things out but she said we didn’t need to. i tried to text her about the game we both played (genshin impact haha) but she would never respond. when we got back to school i kept trying to get her to hang out with our friend group but she always said she had something going on or straight up not responding. she didn’t text me on my birthday either. eventually at the end of february, i think my other friend (who is currently my only remaining friend from that group fun fact) contacted her and told R how bad i was doing because of her absence (oh yeah i forgot to mention, i became suicidally depressed from R’s absence) so R called me and while we argued about a bunch of stuff and she was somewhat homophobic towards me (she said she was more comfortable being friends with G because G was straight) she eventually told me that yes we could be friends again she just needed more time. which i guess i was ok with but it did not stop me from being suicidally depressed.

a month later i reach out to R like hey i really miss being friends could you let me know when you want to be friends again. a WEEK after me sending that text she responds and tells me she doesn’t want to be friends ever again and says some more hurtful shit. that’s the last i’ve heard from her. i almost offed myself at this.

rest of that semester goes badly, my depression gets worse and worse to the point that i lose the rest of my friends except for one (who happens to share a name with R, a sick coincidence) because they can’t deal with it. also R blocks me on instagram and genshin impact.

my depression is a bit better now, it was super treatment resistant so i changed meds a few times. but i’m still not fully recovered from this and i never will be. all i want in life is to have her back. there is an R shaped hole in me that will never and can never be filled. i’m not sure if i’m capable of ever loving again.

so yeahhh thats it. if u read this whole thing ur insane but i love u 💖

[asexualzoro]

it's december 9th, meaning today is my 23rd birthday (which is my favorite number!), which means it's time for...

Lew Writes Wrapped 2023!!!

im including anything that happened after my last bday, so we have some works from december as well. this one's a bit of a weird one for the total word count, you'll see why

it's all treebark from my sideblog / alt ao3. i cannot change. i will not change. for these im just gonna specify the relationship that's the main focus bc thats easier than fandom bc all but like one are third life

dandelion wishing

(Dec, 2.4k, treebark, oneshot) (link)

op movie 6 au for dogwarts in which Martyn is the baron and Ren doesn't know he's dead

id actually plotted out a whole third life au for this movie like months prior and really wanted to write it, so i took it for treebark week and focused it just on these two. it's my fave movie of all time and i obvs had to give it to my fave completely dead team <3

i will admit tho. it did make me back search martyns twitter to see if hes ever posted abt watching this movie. bc i know he likes One Piece and i realized this would bring me into the danger zone (he hasnt ever posted abt it if hes seen it)

A Romance Route for the Doomed Villain?!?

(Dec, 5k, treebark, oneshot) (link)

treebark dating sim isekai parody that spiraled out of my control made in a day-long possession

im still baffled by this one. why was the response to this one so insane?? there was smth in the water the day i posted this bro. a 1:2 kudos to hits ratio for the entire first day is literally fucking unbelievable. 70 comments?? what hold did this fic have on you people. i got fic written about this one?? my friends goncharov'd me in front of my face

really fucking fun to write and the insane response was smth im always gonna remember. i appreciate you guys so much

treesekai also turns a year old in a few days!

Until the Angels Realize You're Not One of Them

(Feb, 7.2k, emerald duo, oneshot) (link)

a traitor phil au which was mostly just me talking about all the reasons i love technoblade

this one... wasnt actually written this year for the most part? i didnt want to not acknowledge it, since it's on my ao3 in this year, but i wont be able to count it toward the total

still. traitor phil au my beloved. hearing him say on his stream he and techno wanted to do a betrayal arc made me feel insane bc i already had this written at the time

missing or obstructed

(2022-present, 12.9k, Grian & Ren, ongoing) (link)

post 3L fic about Ren and Grian seeking out closure with a lot of funny little sleep metaphors

same deal as the last fic, i, uh dont think i actually wrote anything new for missing or obstructed this year either? just uploaded chapters i wrote last year,,, i didnt wanna now acknowledge it, but i wont count this in my total later

i miss her. one day ill actually sit down and write more missing or obstructed. in my doc im JUST at introducing Martyn and i havent written it yet

to reach my mangled debut

(Sept, 4.2k, treebark week, ongoing) (link)

it wouldnt be me if i didnt have an execution somewhere in here. another op au!

THIS. I LOVE HER. when rev and i were plotting out the whole storyline for smop renchanting i was begging please give me this scene i need it and i had so much fun writing it. i rlly need to finish soon but i haven’t had time but please. please check out smop. she’s top of my priority list to update

Three-Dog Night

(Sept, 6.7k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

BIG DOG. beauty and the beast au!

god im so fond of this au. there’s some rlly good scenes written for this and unposted bc i just need to link them together. honestly i think if i took a month and focused it on this fic alone i could fucking finish it but i don’t have the time ;-;

that said i’m so enamored w this au genuinely. o dunno what else to say i just think. puppy

Cover Me In Roses

(Sept, 3.3k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

lamplight roleswap! put Martyn in a flower pot

i don’t feel as motivated to work on this one when i have lamplight unfinished so it’s lower on my priorities but know i have like an entire arc of this written and unposted. we just have a few paths for this one and i have to decide which one to use

it’s so wild to me lamplight has like. aus. like this isn’t even the only one? a roleswap. that’s insane? it’s wild that you all like lamplight enough i can even get away with this

First Sign of a House Fire

(Sept, 2k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

i love superhero stories for two reasons: plots about secrets and adapting the characters to give them powers. this had smth fun for both of them

yellow rose isn’t super high on my list of priorities to update (i think the oneshot is interesting on its own) but one day,,,, it’s part of the many aus cherri and i have but it’s the longest for sure. the doc for just this au is like 100k words long on its own. at the time i draft this cherri and i are actively writing smth else for it in another tab. theres like 4 offshoots and im obsessed w all of them. we had to make ocs about this one. i’m excited to eventually add more to this series

actually that’s one of the scenes i’m most excited for and most dreading adding. we made a backstory oc and im SO attached to him and im excited to post a thing out there w him but. ough. whatever cringe is dead i’ll get there eventually and brute force my way into attaching you to our funky little robot guy

also love that this fic forced me to be decided on a docv characterization that i have to stick to. he may be a canon guy to martyn’s vtuber lore but he’s my oc now too

Blindsided

(Sept, 2k, treebark week, ongoing) (link)

pirate au and royal au based on a big secret and also stuffing a guy in a box and it's all stupid dramatic literally what else do you want or need in life

this is my wife. my favorite. my most beloved. blindsided gives me new illnesses and diseases. i have just one scene to write before i can update it and then i can continue unleashing her. god i love this fic the drama of it is SO fun.

the funny thing abt blindsided is i know all the plot chronologically but now how to Present it which is part of why i haven’t continued too much. eventually i will but until then know that one of the scenes im sitting on which has been fully written is one i think about constantly. hopefully when i post it cherri’ll let free the comic she did for it

i actually have the ending of this fic written i just need to get there lmfao. second on my priority list after smop i think

Cradle of the Leviathan

(Sept, 1.5k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

i just love mer aus man. whats the point of it all if you cant have mer aus. just get a big ol fish

i have the ending of this au written as well and literally so little of the lead up. but this is pretty low on my priorities. i think this one stands just fine on its own. mer aus are nice like that

we actually have a few mer aus but for now i’ll be focusing on this one. i do have a few sweet post story things written for this one. maybe one day i’ll write enough to post em lmao

Lamplight AU

(2022-present, 47k, treebark, ongoing) (link)

renchanting dnd/fantasy au, martyn's a paladin and ren's a lamp

so i started this au last year. my wrapped last year said my total was 20k, so that means this year's total is.... 27k!

and… it was just lamplight’s birthday and i did all my appreciation for the fic and its readers then, but god. i love this fic so much and i love you all who have read it and been so kind about it. the amount of popularity it has makes it a bit nerve wracking to work on, but i still really want to see it finished. i hope to see the bulk of it done by this time next year!

Six Sentence Sunday

six sentence sunday is a challenge where i try to post six sentences i wrote that week every sunday, to keep me writing every week of the year! i do it over on my writing blog, @driflew

i did not keep up on my six sentences,,, i had a lot of sunday fencing tournaments. i did for ~33 weeks this year! thats a pretty good amount! i’ll have to be more on top of it next year tho

unpublished work

the last few years i havent included unpublished work, but with the extreme bulk of it, i wanted to note it down. cherri @/cherrifire and i have been writing a lot back and forth at each other in discord dms this year, and i wanted to include those in my count! bc holy fucking shit is there a lot of them

i didn’t include collab pieces, just pieces i wrote alone. i also only included the renchanting aus i share w cherri and scarian aus i share w flowey, nothing else—no unfinished lamplight or other independent pieces or oneshots, no original fiction for class, nothing. i also missed a few u haven’t moved to docs yet. so i’m lowballing by a few. thousands. of words

the total for those is...... 135k words! there is,,, something wrong with me

total and end notes

our total this year is...

187512 words!

that might be my highest word count yet! because i caught treebark disease. wild.

something really fun about this year to me is i really loved everything i wrote.

if you want to get me a gift or support me on my birthday… maybe try reading my work and reblogging it or leaving a comment! you can find my writing at driflew or skelew on ao3, follow my writing blog at @driflew, or even consider tipping my kofi!

thank you for sticking with me and supporting me this year! i really appreciate it! hopefully i can break 100k next year too!