#and then completely ignore the fact that a show made years earlier was able to just straight up make an episode about

[otacringe]

so normal about flapjack s1 e17 (lying)

[show-your-fangs]

I hate seeing sad Hotch but what about Hotch being sad and feeling he’s inadequate but reader does a BIG/GRAND gesture and hotch is floored and becomes like cute puppy hotch and is all like 🥺

this was such a phenomenal request, i just had to add a sprinkle of angst and hurt/comfort bc i am a whore. hope you like it!

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x f!Reader

Words: 1.3k

CW: sad, very very sad, angst, sad boy aaron

Tags/warnings: established relationship, lover boy Hotch, reader works at the BAU but isn't a profiler (just in case you haven't read Moments), self-deprecating thoughts, Aaron thinking he's not good enough for Reader, fear of abandonment, Aaron crying, Reader comforts Aaron, super cute ending.

a/n: I imagine this is Moments AU Aaron and Reader after their relationship comes to light and they’re just dating and working together like adults after almost a year of secrecy, so it’s “new” in the sense that they’ve been public for only a few months. 

Disclaimer: YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WRITING ANYWHERE ELSE WITHOUT MY CONSENT. REBLOGS ARE ENCOURAGED THOUGH. YOU MAY NOT FEED MY WORK TO ANY AI DATABASES OF ANY KIND OR TO USE MY WORKS TO TRAIN AI. FUCK AI.

You hadn’t spoken to him all day, avoided him at all cost, not once stole a single glance at his office, at him. He didn’t think it was strange at first, you were both rushing to finish a mountain of paperwork that had just come in. 

He even ignored the fact that you hadn’t sought him out to have lunch together, claiming you were going out to run an errand. But then you left work early, so early in fact that the sun was still out. That’s when he began to panic. 

He knew he’d been a little distant recently. He’d had to miss your weekly date night twice, the second time having been the rescheduled date that he was convinced he’d be able to make. But no matter, he’d been called into a meeting just as the two of you were leaving the office. 

You’d been understandably upset. When he returned home to his apartment where you’d been waiting for him for the past few hours, you immediately got into a very heated argument, one that as much as he knew was coming, was still incredibly painful. 

But that had been a couple of weeks ago, you’d worked through it, talked it out, were done fighting about that. Or at least he thought so. 

He knew he was lucky to be with you, unbelievably lucky in fact, and he tried to often show you just how much he appreciated you sticking around after everything he’d been through, after everything you’d been through together. 

And yet he couldn’t help but feel like you would be so much better without him, that if he wasn’t holding you back you could be doing so much better. Your career had stalled because of your relationship with him, you were stuck in an endless cycle of having to comfort him, reassure him that everything was going to be alright when he should be the one doing this for you.

He’d caught you laughing, unrestricted, completely set ablaze by emotion a few days ago, and what had struck him hardest about such a normal display of happiness was that he couldn’t remember when he’d made you laugh like that last. 

You deserved the world, deserved someone who would show up for you, who would sacrifice everything for you, and as much as he wanted to be that person, he was also terrified of what he would have to do in order to become it. 

But he really wanted to, truly wanted to try, to make this work, to prove to you that he could do it, that he could be the man you needed him to be. 

He’d left the office the earliest he’d had in a while, making an effort to leave the paperwork he hadn’t been able to get through on his desk. He could get to it tomorrow morning. Tonight he would show up for you, to his apartment where he knew you’d be waiting after you’d unofficially moved in a week earlier.

He had plans to surprise you with dinner from your favorite restaurant, draw you a nice bath, and practically spend the rest of the evening on his knees, worshiping you like a goddess until you simply couldn’t take it anymore. 

He was practically buzzing all the way up to his apartment, excitement washing over him like a drug, euphoric and calming. He’d opened the door quietly, not wanting to alert you of his presence quite yet. 

But when he finally took in the room, fully dissected what he was seeing, the bag of take out, his keys, and his work bag fell from his hands, loudly banging against the wooden floor. 

You practically bolted out of the room, terrified, like a deer caught in headlights. You only calmed down when you noticed it was him, the hand that held a hair brush like a weapon lowering as a realization flashed over your features. 

He’d caught you in the act, caught you in the middle of…packing your bags and leaving him. 

No, this couldn’t be happening to him, not again, not like this, not you. 

“Honey,” he managed, his voice unbelievably small, on the verge of breaking apart. “What– we can talk about this, please, don’t– please don’t leave me.”

Your brows scrunched in confusion, slowly straightening, readying yourself for what you believed would be another fight. That’s when your eyes darted towards the spilled containers on the floor, his keys and bag to the other side of him, discarded. 

“I know I messed up, I know I shouldn’t have gone to that meeting, I should have told Strauss to wait until the morning,” his voice was cracking, pathetically, and he wanted nothing more than to have this conversation in the most composed way possible. 

But he had not prepared himself to find you like this, to find you in the same way he’d found Hayley all those years ago. Only then it had been his things, and tonight they were yours, and that somehow stung him even harder because last time it had been her kicking him out of her life, and tonight it was you removing yourself from his. 

You still didn’t move, your confusion slowly starting to turn to concern as he dropped to his knees in front of you, quite literally getting on his knees to beg you to stay. 

“I don’t want you to leave me, honey,” he pleaded. “Please stay, I promise I’ll do better, I’ll do whatever you want me to just please don't leave me.”

His hands wrapped around your legs then, face pressed against your stomach as he couldn’t stop the tears from pouring any longer. His entire body shaked, trembled, quacked against your own, his arms keeping you in place, stopping you from moving anywhere, even if you wanted to. 

“Baby,” you whispered and he only tightened his grip. So you stood there, let him get it all out as you gently ran your fingers over his scalp, shushing him gently as he sobbed. 

A few long minutes later, the sobs subsided into light tears and he let you unwrap his arms from you. You dropped down to your knees in an instant, cupping his face in your warm hands and pulling his gaze up to meet yours. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” you told him, wiping the wetness off his face with your thumbs. “I didn’t know this was bothering you so much, I thought we were done fighting about that.”

He let out a shaky breath, taking in the words you’d just said, allowing them to reassure his rapidly beating heart. 

“You’re not leaving?” 

“No, baby,” you smiled softly. “I wanted to surprise you,” you turned your body to the hallway leading towards his room, his own bags packed by the door. “I got Rossi to approve some time off for both of us – an entire week of sipping margaritas by the beach at one of Morgan’s friend’s resorts.”

His arms wrapped tightly around your waist then, pulling you further into him. “When did you– how did you? Why–”

“You’re right, that fight was awful, and I realized we both just needed some time alone together. To decompress and reconnect, just the two of us. What do you think?”

“I think that I don’t deserve you,” he confessed, the smallest hint of a joke desperately trying to hide the truth behind his words. 

“Oh, but you do, Aaron,” you kissed his nose. “You deserve this and so much more, I just need you to believe it. For me. Please?”

He nodded, his nose gently rubbing against yours before he leaned forward to press his lips against yours. They were a little salty from his tears and you took extra care to lap them all up, to clean his mouth of any reminder of what had just happened, a clean slate for the two of you. 

“I love you,” you spoke against his lips. 

“I love you too, honey,” he replied, placing another kiss over your lips before continuing. “So much it’s physically painful.”

You giggled then, light, airy, playful and carefree, and he couldn’t help but smile. Now this laugh he’d remember forever. 

this was...wow. holy shit. i hated putting baby through that but i think he needed to hear that.

my requests are open for pretty boy hotch, be that moments, dbf!we shouldn't (and yet we do), rough hotch, sugar daddy!hotch, or whatever your heart desires.

tags: @canuck-eh, @ssamorganhotchner

[sunlightmurdock]

Operation Apollo | 1.9 | Jake Seresin x Reader

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Synopsis: After a threat is made against her life, the President’s grown up daughter gets her security tripled. Her long term detail is about to retire and needs replacing, only — she isn’t the easiest to work with. Ex-Navy and current Secret Service, Jake Seresin is devoted to being the best at everything he does. He isn’t going to let a bratty little girl cost him this job.

Warnings: age gap, power imbalance, enemies to lovers, danger and angst, smut, oral (f receiving), choking, risk of being caught, jokes about being caught / photographed, unprotected pinv

…

“That girl has a fucking attitude problem.” The new team of security are learning quickly, and in no uncertain terms, that you don’t take well to strangers trying to enforce rules upon you. Jake’s lips quirk slightly as he lifts your bag out of the car. He chooses to ignore the offhanded comment and swings the car door shut.

Your attitude can be a problem, or it was — in the beginning. More recently, Jake has found that you’re actually pretty receptive to instructions, provided that there is a decent reward. The reward usually being himself.

“Did you hear that guy? — ‘I said stay!’ — asshole.” You complain to Manny, mimicking the boneheaded security that follow you around now. The agreement is that they stay behind, staying out of your way as much as possible. Jake and Manny stick by your sides.

Manny chuckles, shaking his head as he shrugs his backpack closer to his body. It’s almost midnight now and he’s still not a hundred percent sure on what’s so special about some bar in San Diego — he’s even less sure about when you became so chummy with Jake that you’re interested in visiting a place from his past.

But, after the two and a half hour drive that took four hours with traffic, he’s too tired to ask. He’s got a feeling he isn’t going to like the answer. Allen seems to have gotten off easily with the timing of his retirement. Besides, Manny likes the fact that he gets a room to himself tonight since he’ll be working essentially an eighteen hour shift tomorrow. The new guys are taking tonight’s night shift.

After a couple of years of trying to wrangle you with only Allen’s help, things have gotten a little scarier but a lot easier since Jake showed up. Manny growing used to the decreased workload.

You glance back at Jake as he discusses tomorrow’s plan with a few of the new guys. You haven’t bothered to learn their names yet, you’re hoping that they won’t be around long. Even with them around, the house doesn’t feel any safer. As far as you’re concerned, you’d be the safest alone with Jake — which is the plan for tonight.

His room is connected to yours. For safety only, of course — just in case of emergency. It’s just especially convenient that he doesn’t have to exit out into the hallway, into the watchful gaze of the idiots in the hallway, for him to be able to see you.

Only, his evening doesn’t wind up being as free as you would have liked. An hour by yourself, sipping on a martini, waiting for him to wrap up a meeting with D.C. about your impending return to your studies. Plenty of campus visits, being out in public and packed lecture halls — it’s a logistical nightmare with the situation you’re in alone. Another hour. Then, a third.

Jake closes his laptop and stretches out his stiff neck. He pours himself a drink and crosses through into your room. It’s late, he hopes that you’re still up. Tomorrow is going to be hard and he doesn’t want it to start any earlier than it has to.

His brows scrunch slightly as he stares at the still completely made bed. He glances around the spacious, modern room in search of you. The balcony door is cracked just slightly.

“What are you doing out here?” Jake’s brows scrunch slightly but there’s still a soft smile on his face as he steps out onto the balcony to join you. He stands behind the sofa and kisses the top of your head gently. You’re laying on your back, still tucked up in the sweater and leggings that you wore on the drive down.

He walks to the edge of the balcony and looks out. He inhales slowly and closes his eyes, then turns to face you.

You give a small shrug of your shoulders, “Getting some air before bed. Waiting for you to show up.”

Because you knew he would show up, he hasn’t let you sleep alone since you got back from D.C. Jake knows that you prefer having him next to you when you’re sleeping. Jake chuckles as he moves to sit beside you on the sofa. Parting his knees like always, his leg presses against yours. You both look out over the water. “Sorry to keep you waiting.

Another small shrug, this time accompanied with a playful smile as you nudge your knee into his, “Mm, I could probably find it in my heart to forgive you.”

He rests his palm against your knee, squeezing tenderly. There’s a moment of quiet between the two of you, high up enough to not have to hear any of the noise below. You sit forwards, then stand. Jake watches as you move towards the edge of the balcony and look over.

You turn your head and look at him over your shoulder, biting your cheek gently. Jake’s brows scrunch as he lifts a hand and strokes it along the curve of your cheek bone. There’s a glint in your eye that can only mean trouble.

“What’s that look?”

“Have you ever had sex outside before?” You ask, lips quirking up into an intrigued smile. You lean closer to him and nose at his jaw, kissing his stubbles skin tenderly. Jake’s lips quirk in amusement at the suggestion, fingers curling into your side. Immediately, he shuts down your fun little idea.

“We’re not having sex out here.” Jake answers calmly, giving a firm shake of his head and dodging the question entirely.

“Look at where we are, no one’s going to be able to see us all the way up here.”

Jake takes a sip of his scotch and shakes his head. “I’ll fuck you all you want. Inside.”

You frown at him, leaning back against the rail, folding your arms across your chest. “You’ve had sex with other women like this.”

“I never said that.” He doesn’t have to say it. He had a relatively wild youth. Practically X-rated in comparison to yours so far. He understands the desire, but things will always be different for you. It’s growing increasingly hard to disappoint you, but Jake knows that this is practically life or death. There’s no coming back from being caught like this.

His career. Yours. Your father’s. The collateral is too high for a quick fuck in the open air.

“I can tell by the look on your face. What makes me so different?” You insist like he hasn’t already made up his mind. Like you don’t know what makes you so different.

Jake sits forwards and rests his elbows on his knees. “So, when we’re both standing in front of your father — and he’s got a picture of both of us, fucking on a balcony in San Diego, what’s our story going to be?”

You roll your eyes and push away from the railing. You smack his shoulder as you pass him, walking inside, closing the patio door behind you. He plans to give you a couple of minutes to cool off.

Jake picks up his scotch from the end table and sips at it, admiring the view. He wishes he could make things different for you. He tucks an arm behind his head, watching a boat in the distance as it gradually becomes more and more of a small black dot, less of a boat.

He sits out there for a while, until he has finished his drink, anyway. It’s just as he’s considering going in and apologizing that the door behind him opens again. Jake’s gaze remains on the horizon, waiting for you to start telling him off.

He sits back against the back of the couch and folds his arms over his chest. He does his best to look stern as you walk around the back of the couch to then stand in front of him. His lips quirk. Now, that’s just not fighting fair.

“You packed lingerie.” Jake comments, taking his time to examine the soft blue babydoll set that you just stepped out in. It stops at the very top of your thighs, a sheer material with matching panties under it. It had taken forever to pick out.

You nod your head slowly. Jake finally lifts his gaze to look you in the eye. Then, he looks past you at the view. The sky’s so dark that you can barely see where it meets the sea on the horizon. There are a couple of boats out there, illuminated by yellow-tinged cabin lights. It’s calming, watching almost black waves roll towards the shore.

“Well, do you like it?” You ask softly, somewhat nervous. It’s probably ridiculous to be nervous, considering how many times he has seen you naked. It’s just very exposing, standing before him like this.

“You’re cold.” Jake points out, noticing the way your nipples have perked up under the detailed lace cups. Your cheeks warm at his avoidance of the question, fidgeting now under his unwavering gaze. He unfolds his arms. “Maybe we should take you back inside.”

You frown defiantly at him, “I’m not cold.”

He smiles, holding back a laugh as he finishes off his scotch and sets his glass down on the end table. “You’re not?”

“Jake.” You warn, furrowing your brows in annoyance. You fold your arms over your chest. He lifts his hand and curls his index finger, beckoning you towards him. You take a few tentative steps, making your way forwards until you’re standing between his parted legs.

He starts off at your forearms. Trailing his fingers from your elbow to your fingertips, shaking his head slightly, “You feel kinda cold to me, honey.”

“Well, I’m not,” You bite back. His fingers smooth back along your skin, uncrossing your arms and dropping them down to your sides. “So stop being an ass and teasing me.”

Jake grins, this time unable to hold back the soft chuckle that your little request draws from him.

“Teasing you?” He scoffs back, wetting his bottom lip with his tongue as his thumb grazes over your peaked nipple. You lift your chin to look at him, he smiles back. “Honey. You’re not really in a position to talk about who’s teasing who, when you packed this.”

So, he does like it.

Your lips quirk just slightly. Jake hesitates for just a moment, glancing down at your body under the material.

“Alright, come here.” He catches your wrist and gives a gentle tug. Your lips quirk up into a victorious smile as you slide into his lap, your thighs bracketing his hips on the cushion of the balcony’s wicker framed sofa.

He drapes his arms around your waist, pressing just a fraction of his strength into you to keep you still. He presses his lips softly to your cheek. Your jaw. You shiver as his lips graze your earlobe. He stops and pulls back with a smirk on his lips.

“I’m not cold!” You insist, elbowing him softly. Jake chuckles, shaking his head as he resumes his path of kisses. His hand eclipses your hip, curling around your waist, pulling you back against him as his mouth works along your shoulder.

“No one can see us from the angle of the balcony — it’s just ocean out there. I already thought about it.” You explain, brushing your hands over the swell of his shoulder muscles, pressing your thighs into his.

Jake’s hand smooths over the curve of your ass, fingers curling into the lace hem of the blue material, scrunching it in his palm. He noses against your jaw and hums in consideration. A gasp slips your lips as his hand comes down hard onto the soft flesh of your now exposed ass.

Jake feels you jolt against him, it’s almost a flinch but your muscles contract under the impact trying to give him the illusion of you being collected about this whole situation. The realization that he’s right on the verge of saying yes, that he wants you as badly as you want him — it goes straight to your core.

“Of course you did, dirty girl,” Jake murmurs, voice low and gravelly. He presses his lips back against yours to swallow the eager little whimper that you let out when you feel his fingers finally breach the waistband of those sheer, blue panties, teasing along your slit. “I bet you’ve been scheming about this all day, huh?”

You press your face into the curve of his neck, worried that the look on your face will give you away — because he’s right. You’ve been thinking about this for a while. Jake feels you smirking against his skin, your plan working. One hand still between your legs, he skims his other hand along the length of your spine. He pulls you close against his warm chest and kisses your shoulder softly.

The heat from your core warms Jake’s fingertips, a contrast to the coldness of his glass moments earlier. He considers dipping his fingers right in, giving you what you want, letting himself feel how badly you want him. But, since it’s clear that you’re already getting what you want, Jake gives in to what he wants too.

“Ask me nicely.” Jake decides, sliding his hand up the remainder of your spine, curling his fingers into your roots. You whimper softly as he tugs you back to look him in the eye.

“Jake, come on — please.” You whine. His fingers are right there, millimeters from where you’d like them to be. He sits back against the couch calmly, expectantly raising his brows. He spreads his knees further, withdrawing his hand from your underwear as your thighs spread around his. Jake’s open palms rest at the bottoms of your thighs, even further now than they were previously.

He strokes his thumbs back and forth gently across your skin, wondering if you’re still planning on sticking with the ‘not cold’ motif when he can see the goosebumps on your skin.

You push yourself forwards, grinding down onto his crotch through the fabric of his jeans, pressing your lips softly to his jaw. “Is there a nice way to ask you to bend me over that railing and fuck me like a whore?”

Jake’s lips quirk up into a grin. Surprised and amused all at once, palms skimming up your thighs. He shakes his head softly, cheeks dimpling as he looks you over. “No. I don’t think there is.”

You weave your fingers between his, lifting his hand, kissing his knuckles tenderly. “So… please?”

Jake chuckles dryly. He hooks his arm around your waist and pulls you firmer against him. You hum contentedly against his lips. To your surprise, your little request was more than enough. He grinds his hips upwards and nudges your underwear to the side in one movement.

His fingers press against your clit, rubbing in slow, tight circles. He pulls back and watches your body react to his touch as he builds the pressure. Your eyes flit shut, lips parting, a string of soft moans slipping out into the evening air. Jake’s index finger trails downwards to tease at your entrance.

This is increasingly becoming his favourite feeling, having you trembling at his fingertips, moaning his name. Knowing that you’d do just about anything to keep feeling the way he makes you feel.

All other words suddenly slipping your mind, you’re left with one, repeating it again and again as you grind against his touch, “Please.”

Jake sinks two fingers into you at once, curling his fingers into that spongy spot that has you jolting, grabbing onto his bicep for leverage.

His fingers stretch you open, fucking into you, his eyes on your face. Leaning forwards, whimpering into his jaw, you’re quick to realise that if you angle yourself just right, you can grind your clit onto the base of his palm. Jake takes his bottom lip between his teeth, watching you use his hand to bring yourself closer and closer. “Please.”

Jake nudges you back once more, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the column of your throat, trailing wet kisses along your skin to distract from the fact that his hand is withdrawing from your underwear. “Not yet, honey. Stand up for me.”

“Jake…” You whine in complaint, curling your fingers into the fabric of his shirt to keep him with you. He lifts his chin, those sharp green eyes locking in on yours. He raises his eyebrows at you. It’s a clear indication to stop whining or he won’t give you what you want.

“I said: stand up. Walk over there.” His fingers squeeze into the flesh of your thighs, shooting a quick glance down at his hands on your skin before he’s looking at you again. Expectant. Impatient. Completely in control.

You push up and off of his lap, feeling unsteady on your feet. Legs trembling with excitement and need, you walk over to the railing like he told you. Your fingers curl around the cool edge of the balcony.

“Take ‘em off.” Jake instructs calmly.

Your lips warm slightly, taking in a deep breath as you hook your thumbs into the side of the underwear. Jake takes his lip between his teeth, resting his elbows on his knees as he watches you bend over slightly and slide the blue thong down your legs. You turn back towards him, swallowing softly as he rises from the couch and crosses towards you.

He lifts his hand and strokes back a strand of hair from your face, then leans in and kisses you softly, a fraction of his weight sandwiching you between his toned chest and the railing behind you.

“The plus side is that you’re gonna look so pretty in those paparazzi pictures, honey.” Jake teases, sliding his hands down over the curve of your ass, squeezing the flesh in his palms and grinding himself against you. You scoff and push at his chest, rolling your eyes.

Jake hums into the curve of your neck, peppering kisses over every inch of exposed skin that he can reach. He lowers his head, peppering kisses across your bare stomach, then up, fingers pressing into your hips as he nips at the soft skin of your breasts. He bunches the fabric in his palm and lowers himself to his knees, pressing his mouth to your navel. You push your fingers into his hair as he’s finally right where you need him.

He guides your thigh over his shoulder, wasting no time in getting to work. You whine in relief as his finally tongue grazes at your folds, feeling you squirm before him. Jake groans softly, he’ll never get tired of how worked up you get for him. Curling your fingers into his blonde hair, you gasp softly as his lips around your clit. “Fuck, Jake.”

The groan that slips his lips sends shocks through you, stomach tightening, legs trembling. His fingers curl tighter around your hip as his free hand nudges between your legs. He sinks his middle and index finger into you at once, curling them expertly until you’re whining his name, trembling against his touch.

The wet muscle of his tongue dips inside of you, replacing his fingers just briefly, his nose brushing against your clit as he drags it slowly up again to the swollen nub. He traces the tip of his tongue around it before sucking hard then soft and letting go. Jake groans out as you tug at his roots, head thrown back as your orgasm rips through you.

Jake feels your knees buckle, standing up and tugging you forwards, steadying you against him. You whimper, resting your forehead against his shoulder as he kisses your temple. His movements are tender as he trails his fingertips along your spine.

You curl your fingers around the leather of his belt and tug softly. Jake glances down, watching your shaking hands work amusedly. Belt opened, your fingers work at the button on his jeans, you’re trembling and it takes some willpower to have your hands comply. You manage to pop the button open, dragging the zipper down and pushing at the waistband of his boxers and jeans together.

Jake catches your wrists and bundles them together. “Turn around, bend over.”

You almost moan then and there. Swallowing softly, you take your lip between your teeth and turn, bracing your elbows on the ledge. Jake kicks your ankles further apart and tugs his shirt over his head, grabbing your hip with one hand. Jake revels in the desperate sound you make as he drags his cock between your folds, his lip between his teeth as he watches the tip sink into you. You whimper, gasping as he pushes himself into you in one swift movement, pulling your hips back against his.

Jake presses his free hand into the small of your back, bending you down further so that he can drive himself deeper into you. He leaves open-mouthed kisses across the backs of your shoulders, making up for the fact that he’s painfully hard and not really planning on giving you time to adjust. Not after your little request.

He catches the back of your neck and pushes down until your cheek is pressed to the concrete. The breath is knocked from you as he pounds into you, you’re a whimpering mess, face pressed into the crook of your arm and his hand on the back of your neck keeping you there.

“That feel good, honey?” Jake murmurs, his gentle tone a stark contrast to the way he’s fucking you. You moan out, nodding your head feverishly. “My dirty girl, out here where everyone can see you like a little slut.”

Your voice cracks as you whimper desperately, pushing back against him. Jake grunts, leaning forward and pressing filthy, open-mouthed kisses along the length of your back. You push your hips back against him again, rocking yourself slightly for more friction. Jake grins, he leans back slightly and releases your arms, giving you the leverage to fuck yourself on his cock like you need to.

Wetting his lips with his tongue, he looks down between your body and his, groaning. He swallows hard, pressing one hand to the ledge beside you to steady himself. He watches as you push yourself back onto him desperately for a moment before he has to close his eyes and grip your hips to still you. Breathing hard, he inhales slowly and tightens his grip on the swell of your hips.

Your eyes practically roll back as he rocks forwards again, grunting as he pounds into you. He slides one hand around to your front, curling it around the sides of your throat. You pant out, gasping for air, completely at his mercy. The pleasure comes burning through you. If you could, you’d be gasping for air. The lack of oxygen is dizzying, Jake’s the only thing keeping you steady.

His fingers curl tighter around your throat as he ruts himself into you, managing a few more thrusts — sending aftershocks through your already sensitive body before he’s spilling over the edge himself, pulling you tight against him. You both take a moment to come back down, slowing your breathing until your feet feel steady enough to hold you again.

Jake groans softly as he slips out of you and tucks himself back into his jeans. He smooths out your babydoll and spins you to face him, tucking an arm around your waist.

“Shit, you’re good at that.” You mumble, draping your arms around his shoulders and pressing your face into the crook of his neck. Jake chuckles breathily, kissing your temple.

“Are we done being wild for tonight, honey? — You feel like taking a shower and heading to bed?” He murmurs, smoothing his hands over your hair. You pull yourself closer to him, closing your eyes and humming against his skin, nodding tiredly. He swats at your ass and turns you, nudging you towards the door. “Go ahead, I’ll catch up.”

It’s already late and it’s been a long day. You shower quickly under the warm water, Jake taking care of the soap duties for no reason other than to have his hands on you again. By the time your head hits the pillow, you’re more awake than you were expecting to be.

“Are you excited to go to the bar tomorrow?”

“Honey, sleep.” Jake groans, half-amusedly as he lifts an arm and drapes it over his eyes. You turn over onto your back and stare at the ceiling, exhaling softly.

“I’m excited.” You decide, smiling softly at the idea. It’s nice, being included on the personal details of Jake’s life, being someone that he can share things with.

He lifts his arm and peeks one eye open, lips quirking as he finds you smiling at the ceiling in anticipation of the day ahead. “You’re cute.”

You turn your head and grin, shuffling closer to him. Jake tucks his arms around you and rests his cheek to the top of your head as you nudge on of your thighs between his. You kiss his toned shoulder tenderly, hugging yourself close against him. “Night, Jake.”

“G’night, honey. I love you.”

…

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[vynxwave]

Sorry for this vent ask but I feel like I'm losing my mind seeing this: not me returning to the Earthspark tag to see what people were thinking of the trailer and stuff and immediately regretting it LMAO I'm really wishing that people who called the first third of the season garbage had just quit, because if they hated good episodes and don't understand the show as it is, they'll hate the next batch if it's also good and I'm not looking forward to the reception! I'm disappointed that it's like the book has been written on the beginning of the season. It's making me kinda spiteful/toxic and actively hope for things the fandom would hate to happen. How are you feeling about the fandom right now as the s2a lover & understander lol - arceespinkgun

I'm having the same experience as you looking at the fandom. Like holy shit, all of the complaints/fears are so baseless it's irritating.

I've seen people fearing that the Chaos Terrans' deaths won't be acknowledged/mourned... for some reason? It's such nonsense and completely ignorant of the strong family theme in EarthSpark and how it deals with interpersonal relationships/conflict, and the fact EarthSpark does reference/mention earlier events. That's not even mentioning that the Maltos are literally shown to care about them.

I've seen lots of people hoping that their headcanons come true and... I really think people need to understand that EarthSpark isn't written like how fanworks are written. I feel like for EarthSpark's fandom it's such a prevalent mindset, for some reason? I don't mean this in a sense of 'it's bad to have headcanons' but rather people should see the show for what it actually presents and be able to understand why the show goes how it does.

Like, characters aren't just doing things — they're also tools used by the narrative to convey messages, themes, and morals.

It's so weird how people have been treating S2a as if it's a whole season, even before S2b was decided to be called S3. I hope people will understand that S3 is functionally S2b when it releases.

Also, the complaints about the animation quality are so overblown. The animation in the trailer and S2a's looks great to me.

People hate Decepticons being antagonists, they hate Chaos Terrans being antagonists, they hate humans being antagonists... it's so weird. It really would not have made sense for the Quintessons to come so early in the season (S2a). The Quintesson Executioner appearing, though, does make sense appearing so early because it helps set up for the Quintessons to arrive later, as does Terratronus.

In S1 there was not set up for Quintessons to arrive in S2. There was, however, set up for Terratronus with Mandroid alluding to her in S1E25-26 The Last Hope with "... you have no idea the power that's been lying beneath your base all these years" "Showing you the weapon it's perched upon" when he uses the CyberSlayer on the Space Bridge. Then in S2E01 Aftermath Starscream says "Beneath Witwicky lies a tremendous weapon" which calls back to Mandroid's allusion to Terratronus; and when Starscream is talking to the Decepticons about making New Cybertron in S2E09 Witwicky the framing calls back to Mandroid's moment again when the Witwicky Tower (the defunct Space Bridge) is in frame — where we know Terratronus lies beneath.

Like, the way the series is building up to the Quintessons is great and cohesive if you look at the actual story that's being told!

Chances are the scripts for these next episodes were finished before S2a was released, so I really hope I don't hear an utterance of "retcon!" or "they fixed xyz!" when these episodes are released.

EarthSpark S2b/S3 will be great and I hold no reservations about it, regardless of the rest of the fandom.

There's so many weird fears about what characters might not be present... like y'all... the trailer did not show everybody. The entire cast not being in some episodes/shots or synopsis does not mean xyz characters won't appear.

Honestly, a lot of what I read from people makes me wonder how much people understand about how to analyze media or how series are written. Like, I'm no king of analysis or whatever myself, but why are people unable to understand why certain choices or directions are made? It's weird how people are acting as if S2a is just sooo incongruent with S1 when that's really not the case at all if you go back and look — truly, like you said, it makes me wonder why people keep sticking around if they hate the story being told. I mentioned characters being tools of the narrative, and it really feels like people don't understand that when they're analyzing EarthSpark.

I'm currently reading Marvel UK G1 Transformers and EarthSpark's S1 established the Decepticons with such similar, or even verbatim, sentiments. But even without them the Decepticons' perspective in the show was clear to me.

Is it really surprising the Decepticons, who never valued/liked Earth or its inhabitants or the Autobots or the Maltos/Terrans, would fight the Autobots and Maltos/Terrans for the Embershards — the Embershards, which are key to building/securing themselves a new home (so promises Starscream)? It feels like people don't consider the characters' perspectives and their relation to the world/others around them when it's such an important part of analysis. And the necessity of conflict in a story.

I really don't understand how people thought the Decepticons would've turned good following S1... like it wouldn't have been warranted/earned. Now in S2b/S3, the episode synopses don't suggest the Decepticons and Autobots/Maltos/Terrans have a continued competition for anything; we do, however, see Breakdown punching SkullCruncher in the trailer which is very curious — given the setting, he's likely defending Bumblebee. I have seen people mention Aftermath in relation to Breakdown, and yeah, I wonder what Breakdown'll make of Aftermath's cruel death — some have wondered if he'll defect.

Really the main episodes I've seen people talking positively of are Breakdown & Bumblebee's and Prowl's.

It's so insane looking at a fandom and seeing a lack of actual fans and people just... not understanding the story. Hard being the S2a lover & understander in a world full of S2a haters & misconstruers! I genuinely cannot escape mentions of EarthSpark without people's dislike of S2a being the default opinion, and it's so frustrating! I know that if people do end up liking this batch of episodes, they'll follow it up with a "better than S2" which'll be annoying because S2a is the set up for S2b/S3.

I don't really have much to say about the trailer myself as I'm happy with what it shows because it looks interesting and the episode synopses sound great. The character I'm most excited for personally is Megatron, but I'll be enjoying all the others as well.

[downwiththeficness]

The Usurper-Chapter Eight

Summary: Lilah McNamara stole things for a living. It was tedious work and often dangerous, which made it just exciting enough to keep her interested. After botching a routine job, Lilah finds herself standing amid monsters. Wholly unprepared for the horror of living under Amaru’s reign, Lilah decides to use her well honed skills to thwart the queen’s plans and prevent the end of the world.

Word Count: ~3,000

Disclaimer: I do not consent to this work being copied or posted to other sites of blogs.

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The dress fit. Really fit. Lilah turned one way and then the other, staring at herself in the mirror. It actually fit. More than that, it hugged her body perfectly. The neckline was flattering and the hem showed off her thighs without bordering on indecent. It even nipped in her non-existent waist. The woman looking back at her in the mirror was downright delicate.

Lilah was well aware that she had an athlete’s body. Years of high school sports and a fairly active lifestyle gave her arms that couldn’t be described as dainty and legs that stretched even the most forgiving jeans. She ran her hands down the material of the dress, wondering how Javier had nailed her measurements. The dress was perfect. It made her feel feminine. Pretty, even.

Thinking that she’d delayed long enough, Lilah gathered up her torn, dirty clothing and stuffed it into the shopping bag. Then, she took a fortifying breath and stepped out of the bathroom. Steam followed her into the air conditioned room. Lilah’s skin prickled with the cooler air. She gathered the bag against her belly and chanced a look to the other side of the room.

Brasa was right where she’d left him, waiting patiently in the chair near the bed. He looked up and his face relaxed into something Lilah might describe as admiration if she weren’t still mad at him, “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she replied, hearing the ice in her tone. Then, “The shoes don’t match, but I don’t think she’ll notice.”

Brasa looked down at sandals that had definitely seen better days, “Ah. Javier brought that by. Said he forgot, earlier.”

Lilah followed his pointed finger to a box on the bed. She reached for it and read the label. They were in her size. Javier was either very well informed or magic. Either was possible. She opened the box to find an elegant, but expensive pair of shoes with a conservative block heel. After slipping them on, Lilah tested their fit with a few steps forward and back. She might be able to run in these, if the need called for it. Another act of foresight by Javier.

Brasa stood, “If you’re ready?”

She shrugged, “As ready as I’ll ever be to meet royalty.”

He paused a fraction of a second, but quickly moved to take her hand and guide her to the door, “If she asks you a question, answer it directly, but do not give too many details. You want her to come away from this meeting thinking that you’re nothing.”

“Gee, that’s reassuring.”

He glanced at her, “If she thinks nothing of you, she won’t consider you a threat. Or worse, a weapon.”

Lilah followed him into the night air, noting that there seemed to be a lot of people standing around the hotel, “I got it.”

“Do you?” he asked in a low voice.

Lilah didn’t answer. They were walking across the parking lot and she could feel the eyes that followed. People moved in her periphery, angling themselves to get a better look. When Lilah glanced at them, they were always doing something innocuous. Looking at their phones or talking quietly with one another. Nothing that would give away the fact that she was the focus of their attention. They were definitely looking. Lilah had no doubt about that. She cast a sidelong glance at Brasa. He was walking confidently beside her, either completely unaware or totally ignoring their audience. Lilah wanted to ask him about it, but the slow creep of uncertainty kept her quiet.

Javier was waiting for them next to a sign that read ‘office’ in bold, black lettering. He smiled softly as they approached, “I hope you like the clothes I selected for you.”

Lilah tried to smile back, “They’re...very nice. Thank you.”

His head lifted with pride, “And, the tailoring? Does it suit you?”

“Yes,” Lilah said, and repeated her ‘thank you’ in a voice that was almost sincere.

Brasa guided her to Javier’s side, “Wait here.” He walked into the office and closed the door behind him, leaving the two of them standing in the yellow glare of the overhead light.

Lilah put her back to the wall of the building and looked out into that darkened lot. Eyes that had been looking pointedly away suddenly began to look right back at her. Some of them were curious, others were disgusted. More than one looked hungry. Lilah kept her expression neutral and stared right back at them.

“They won’t approach,” Javier murmured.

“Why?”

“Because they want to live,” he answered simply. “Lord Brasa has what you might call a hot temper.”

She frowned. That didn’t line up with what she knew about Brasa. If he had anything like a ‘hot temper’, Lilah was sure she would have seen it by now. Her temper had definitely heated up a time or two during the last day or so. It surprised her how tightly he could hold onto his composure when she was yelling and cursing at him. She guessed that it was the result of infinite age and experience.

“So,” Lilah began in a conversational tone, “do you think she’ll kill me, or just maim me irreparably?”

Javier’s jaw dropped as he gawked at her, “I don’t think this is the time for jokes.”

“This is absolutely the time for jokes, Javier,” Lilah replied, “I’m living in a horror movie right now and I need a little comic relief.”

Mouth closing so that his teeth clacked together audibly, Javier shifted his weight and said, “Its unlikely that she’ll harm you.”

“Oh, good.”

“But,” he continued, “I imagine she will want to test you.”

Lilah sighed, “I hate tests. Even in school—fucking hated them.”

She hadn’t failed to graduate, but it was a close call. Lilah couldn’t seem to sit still and focus. Every minute in a classroom was spent wishing she was somewhere else—in her bedroom reading a book about what happened to the body when people died, or slipping down to the local market to test which products she could palm in plain sight.

“Its important that you don’t show fear,” he said, turning to face her. “Look her in the eye when you speak to her. She’ll respect that.”

“No fear. Look her in the eye.” Easy enough.

“And,” Javier added, his voice tipping upwards, “you should attempt to hide your dislike for your bondmate.”

Lilah’s eyes narrowed and she breathed a long, ‘okay’. She could answer questions directly. She could look the woman in the eye. Overcoming how pissed off she was at Brasa might be asking too much, especially with the fact that she was still trying to find her feet in the insanity of the situation.

He tapped his cane against the ground, just once, “If she senses a division between you, she’ll want to exploit it.”

That pulled Lilah up short. In one sentence, Javier had given her all the incentive she needed to make a good showing in front of Amaru. She’d never allowed anyone to manipulate her before and she wasn’t going to start now. Queen or not, Amaru could kick rocks, for all she cared. Lilah would not give her satisfaction of pulling her strings.

The office door swung open and Brasa leaned out, “She’s ready for you.”

He held his hand out low to guide her inside. Lilah straightened her shoulders and walked up to him with faux confidence. Her eyes met his and, when she took his hand, she could see the question in them. Knowing that she had just a few seconds to relay her new position, Lilah sidled closer to Brasa and placed her hand on his chest, “I’m ready for her.”

Brasa’s brows furrowed and his lips pursed gently. Lilah hoped that the steadiness of her gaze and the way she pushed her weight into him would be enough. It would have to be. Amaru’s voice called Brasa’s name in a low, impatient growl and neither of them was going to keep her waiting. He stared at her only a second longer before giving a subtle nod and turning to present Lilah to his queen.

Amaru was sitting at the desk of what Lilah assumed was the hotel manager. Her head was resting on curled fingers, her elbow perched next to a large book with pages that were yellowed with age. Lilah thought it was probably two or three hundred years old, if the binding was anything to go by. She’d get a better idea of it if she could spot the writing scrawled along the edges.

Lilah held tight to Brasa’s hand as he led her forward to stand before the desk. She swallowed down the need to say something in the silence of the room, breathing deeply to calm her racing heart. While she waited for Amaru to acknowledge her, she took a moment to note the light covering of dust over the filing cabinets and the spray of red that fanned across a stack of paperwork by an utterly destroyed phone. That explained where the manager went.

Amaru looked up, and all Lilah could see was a pair of ancient eyes set in the face of a child. She couldn’t be more than eighteen or nineteen, with long, dark hair and soft, smooth skin. Lilah recognized the way she’d put on too much eyeliner in an attempt to make herself look older. She’d done much the same before she left high school. All the better to pull the college boys that were home for a break between semesters.

“My Brasa says that you’re his bondmate,” Amaru said evenly.

Lilah couldn’t think of anything to say, so she nodded and hoped that would be enough.

Amaru blinked, “Its a shame you’re human. But, facts are facts, aren’t they?”

Lilah nodded again.

“Does she speak?” Amaru directed the question to Brasa.

“She does,” Lilah answered for him, “when she has something to say.”

That was the wrong response. Lilah could tell by the way Brasa’s hand tightened around hers. He took a subtle step forward and to the side that put his body partially in front of her. Amaru merely blinked at Lilah, then pushed to standing and walked around the desk to get a closer look.

She was short—petite. All of her features were soft and small, except for her eyes. Amaru’s eyes were like two sharp bits of flint in her skull. Anything could spark a fire. She looked at Brasa, “I don’t care what you do in your free time. But, don’t let her get in the way.”

“Yes, my queen,” he replied, voice low and without feeling.

Amaru turned, “This book is useless to me. Bring me another.” A flick of her wrist and the book went sailing across the room and out the front window. Lilah followed its path with lifted brows, barely suppressing a smile when Javier had to dart to the side in order to avoid the spray of glass.

“Of course,” Brasa replied. “Is there anything else you need?”

“No. You can go.”

And, that was it. Brasa and Lilah were dismissed with nothing more than a sigh. Amaru dropped into the chair behind the desk and slumped against the back of it, looking so much like a sullen child that Lilah had to hide her curled lip in the leather of Brasa’s coat.

He didn’t have to pull her along behind him while he led her from the office. Lilah scuttled along eagerly, barely breathing until the door cut off the feeling of Amaru’s creepy eyes on her back. Brasa slowed, his attention turning to the place where the light of the hotel met the darkness beyond. Lilah craned her neck, but couldn’t see that much had changed in the few minutes she’d been inside.

From the depth of Brasa’s chest came a frighteningly loud growl. He let go of her hand and walked three or four steps forward. Javier followed just behind, one hand pushing Lilah gently back towards the building. Her eyes flicked back and forth, trying to spot the danger that Brasa so clearly saw. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Even her gawkers had gone back to minding their own business. She took another step backwards, one foot bumping up against Amaru’s discarded book. Curious, Lilah picked it up and tucked the tome beneath one arm. She’d take a closer look at it later.

Brasa went quiet. Evidently, the danger was gone. He turned and muttered something to Javier in a language she didn’t recognize. Then, he reached for Lilah’s hand and guided her back to the room. She followed along with careful glances towards the parking lot, as if she might be able to discover what was wrong while Brasa’s back was turned.

In the room, Lilah tossed the book on the bed and dropped heavily onto the mattress, “So, I guess I passed the test.”

Nothing about what just happened felt anything like a test. Lilah hadn’t even felt the vaguest hint of one. The queen barely spared Lilah more than a passing glance. After all the ominous warnings, actually meeting Amaru felt less than climactic. To say that Lilah was underwhelmed would be fairly accurate.

“I wouldn’t be complacent about it,” Brasa replied. “Amaru has a habit of playing games, especially when she’s bored.”

“Is she likely to be bored in the near future?” she asked, gesturing towards the book. “Seems to me that she’s pretty well occupied.”

Brasa resumed his position on the chair by the bed, “She’s sent culebras all over the country looking for books about how they first came here. She had the knowledge, once, but the transition from body to body tends to scramble memories. Even mine have taken time to return to me. She’s tried everything short of hypnosis to recall them.”

“No one else knows?”

“Actually,” he said, “the Lords probably knew. But, she had me kill the Lords not long after I was able to take physical form again.”

Lilah’s mouth opened, shut, opened again, then snapped shut around a giggle. That giggle refused to be suppressed and she ended out pressing her hand against her mouth while the sound poured out between her fingers, “That’s, uh, pretty hilarious.”

Brasa frowned, “Why?”

“She shot herself in the foot, don’t you think?” That seemed to confuse him more, and Lilah found herself laughing outright at his adorably confused expression. “She had the only people who could tell her what she needs to know killed. I don’t have the best grasp of irony, but this feels pretty ironic.”

As hard as he fought against it, Brasa’s mouth tipped up in a smile, “I’ve told you that she is unpredictable.”

“She’s...something,” Lilah murmured.

Brasa licked his lips, as if his tongue could wipe away the mirth, “I knew you wouldn’t like her, but I never thought you’d find her humorous.”

Pulling her legs up and underneath her, Lilah lay across the bed and rested her head on her arm, “I think its more of a choice to laugh or I’ll go crazy. If it were just one insane new fact for me to absorb, I might be taking it more seriously. But, all of this” she gestured vaguely, “just keeps compounding on itself. I can’t keep up, much less control it.”

“I’ve given you a lot to think about,” Brasa said, and that sentence was enough to take the smile from his mouth. “You’re managing a lot better than some of the newly turned.”

Lilah considered the eyes that watched her not long ago. How many of them had discovered the existence of vampires right along with her? “I guess I have the advantage of still being human while my world tips on its side.”

His head cocked to the side, “But, you’re not human. Not anymore.”

She frowned, “What?”

“You’re not human. You haven’t been since the moment you drank my blood.”

Lilah sat up, “What—the fuck—are you talking about?”

“My blood is powerful,” Brasa replied easily, “I have no doubt that it has begun to subsume yours.”

She thought about that moment on the asphalt when he’d pressed his arm to her mouth, “Is it permanent?”

“I assume so.”

“You assume?”

He shrugged casually, “I’ve never given my blood to a human before, let alone a bondmate.”

“So,” Lilah pointed a finger at him, “you’re saying that you don’t know. You don’t know if your blood would make me,” she searched for the words, “not human.”

“I suppose I don’t,” he relented. “But, it did heal your injuries.”

That was true. She passed out with a dislocated shoulder, countless bruises, and cuts all over only to wake up whole. “What’s it going to do to me?”

Brasa leaned his forearms on his thighs, “You’ll be stronger. Faster, probably. You’ll heal when you’re injured.”

“Is that it?”

His mouth opened, and it took him a moment to answer, “You might live a little longer.”

Lilah’s eyes narrowed, “How long?”

“I don’t know,” he said, and it sounded honest. “I expect that you may live as long as I do. That seems to be what happens with bondmates.”

She looked down at her hands, “How long are you going to live?”

“A long time.”

“Forever?”

Brasa smiled, “No one lives forever.”

“But, compared to a human. You’ll outlive...well, all of them, right?”

He nodded slowly, waiting for her response. Lilah tried to think about it, but all her brain wanted to do was check out for the evening. There was only so much information it was willing to assimilate and it had reached its limit hours ago. She sighed and picked up the remote, “You ever heard of the History Channel?”

Brasa blinked once, then said, “No.”

Lilah slid across the bed so that she sat propped up against the headboard, “C’mon. Let me introduce you to the aliens guy.”

[drdemonprince]

hi devon! i recently binged all your medium articles, your writing hits so close to home and has opened so many doors of self-reflection for me, thank you. one of your latest ones was about porn and autism, i have some differing opinions on porn itself, but i enjoyed your perspective on it.

i would love to hear your thoughts on autism and hypersexuality in a broader sense. i’m someone that’s recently realised how much my premature exposure to sexuality and porn in childhood made me hypersexual in a way that really stunted my personal growth and had me traumatising myself with my own compulsive sexual behavior. as an undiagnosed autistic adhd kid i was just grasping after any form of stimulating and self-soothing behavior, but also looking after ways to make myself more interesting and appealing to peers and most importantly boys (because interest from men = value as a human i learned early on). i think i could’ve figured out gender and sexuality stuff a little earlier and avoided my comphet phase had it not been for how obsessed i was with sexualising and objectifying myself in my tweens and early teens tbh. i hope to see more people talking about autism and sexuality. my heart breaks thinking about how so many demonise kids with problematic sexualised behavior when they’re literal children trying to figure out this having a body thing and there’s usually grown-ups around them standing idly by doing nothing effective to help.

Hi there! I love hearing from people who don't share my perspective completely but can still get a lot out of my work.

I alluded to this yesterday, but I don't believe hypersexuality or hyposexuality are a thing. Where do we draw the line where it becomes pathological, and why? Clearly humans have varied in how much they desire and think about sex since the beginning of time, and while we still have not figured out a respectful, appropriate way to cope with the fact of it, children also sometimes have an interest in sex and masturbation and a curiosity about it that is completely value neutral. It's just a thing that happens because children are living human beings.

Unfortunately we inhabit a paradigm where this is supposed to be either ignored or punished and discouraged, and anyone who does bring it up is viewed as having some ulterior motive beyond the liberation of children from abuse. And so if a child is curious about sex or driven to explore it in some way, they only means they have of pursuing that interest is by consuming adult material, which a lot of people look back on having done with a variety of different feelings. It sounds like you saw a lot of porn from a young age that really gave you unhelpful expectations for yourself and others and that it really hurt you, and I'm really sorry to hear that.

I consumed a lot of adult content as a child and a teen, not just porn but also real life gore and jump scare videos and elaborate, violent sexual stories, and of all those experiences, the only one that seemed to scar me was the jump scare videos. Seriously, newgrounds fucked me up, and not because I was playing games like Orgasm Angel. It was shit like kikia that fucked me up. The potential that my most beloved friend, the computer, could start screaming at me and showing me dead babies at any moment meant I was on edge and obsessively read all the comments on every video I ever viewed for like... seven or eight years. Even if a friend or classmate wanted to show me a youtube video, I forced them to read through all the comments and convince me it wasn't a jumpscare video first. For like years.

It might be that the only reason I was able to watch and read and play a lot of porn online as a kid without any real adverse effects was because I had a really specific fetish, and so most of the content I was able to view was of an obviously fictional and fantastical variety or was made directly by the people who starred in it. As I wrote in my essay, I'm glad that I started watching brainwashing gifs on weird websites and masturbating to them as a kid. It helped me feel less alone in my fetish and it didn't scar me, and provided a sexual outlet that was actually pretty safe and private and didn't put me in contact with any adults. It was a really nice pressure valve, a way to stim and zone out and regulate my breathing and get off, and finding content like that helped me to realize there was a whole big wide world out there where freaks like me could be okay.

THAT said, I can understand your experience! Porn didn't fuck me up as a kid, but I did learn some really pernicious sexual norms as a teen, because I had abstinence only education at school and I obsessively read Dan Savage's advice column Savage Love as a replacement for having any kind of credible sex ed. I used to worship Dan Savage. I met him for pancakes once, you can read about my whole complex relationship to him and his work in a very old piece I wrote pre transition here:

Dan Savage's work was really influential on me and on a lot of people of my generation. From his stuff, I learned that I should be good, giving, and game for just about anything a partner wanted -- which meant I pressured myself to do things I didn't always want to do. He normalized a kind of casual, unarticulated nonmonogamy among people of my age group including everyone I dated -- and so being open without really discussing what that meant was the norm for me from age 19 until about age 23.

Dan Savage wrote that blowjobs come standard and that any model who is not equipped with them should be returned to the lot -- thats really how he described women who didn't do oral. As broken cars. Dan Savage said that asexuals should only date other asexuals and probably werent real anyway. He said vaginas looked like canned hams dropped from great heights. He said a gay trans guy who couldnt take T for health reasons was 'delusional' for wanting to date fellow gay men. Reading Dan Savage fucked me up, and it's not even his fault -- he was just an outspoken faggot with an advice column that was always clear in reflecting his biases and agendas, and I was just a horny confused kid with no sex education and no where else to learn about sex other than porn and the back of the local alternative mag.

So, this is all a very long and meandering way of saying that I'm sorry you also got attached very young to untrustworthy sources of sexual information and that they also scarred you and left you pressured to be something you were not. I was there. I think many of my generation were and some still are. and not just the Autistics. I know so many people who got swept up in the messages that conventional porn and writers like dan savage had to peddle -- straight people, queer people, poly people, disabled people, everyone. The sad part is that Dan Savage for all his faults was still a lot more progressive than where many of my peers turned, which was sites like efukt or the predecessors to the chan sites and shit. It was brutal out there.

It's also the case that many of us Autistic people are prone to intense fixation and rumination and obsession, by neurotypical standards, sometimes to our detriment, sometimes in a completely neutral way that would cause us zero harm if it weren't for all the societal stigma and judgement. and that can mean that, especially when we are lonely and closeted teens, that we retreat into a lot of damaging digital messages and imagery, and I think a lot of bad, sexist straight porn unfortunately played that role in a lot of people's lives. My version of that was instead compulsively reading pro ana livejournals (as a teen) and then later terf detransition blogs (in my 20s). So again I don't think it's necessarily a phemoneon of porn per se, but obviously there is a lot of really toxic shit out there that has warped a lot of people's viewpoints around sex and relationships, I can't deny that.

I wish I knew what the solution was to help prevent future generations of kids from going through the kinds of damage you and I went through, but I think we are so far from being prepared as a culture to have this conversation that most attempts to broach it end up making things worse for kids in all kinds of scary new ways -- parents heavily monitoring and controlling their kids browsing habits for example. That sure as hell isn't going to help a closeted queer kid who is exploring themselves in most cases. Instead of building a world that is more liberatory and supportive to kids, we just keep trying to control them more and more, and impose more and more strict standards on them, which always hurts the weirdest and queerest among us the worse. It fucking sucks. Shit. i really am going to have to write about about child liberation one day wont i

[asoiaf-essays-collector]

'Is anyone in the ASOIAF fandom outside of the 100 people on tumblr connected to reality?' You hit the nail on the head. They are not lmao. So much time has passed with no book content that these people are pathologically married to their 'metas' aka headcanons and think they know what GRRM will do better than himself. Also, it absolutely sends me how everyone outside of Sansa/J0nsa fans ignores the show because they didn't get their headcanons catered on a silver platter and all their theories got blown the fuck out of the water. I once saw someone say that ASOIAF discoursers will not stop aggressively ignoring the show and treating their theories as more canon that the actual tv adaptation based on years worth of conversations and notes between the author himself and the showrunners. People really believe those main character endgames came out of thin air as if a multi-billion dollar corporation like HBO wouldn't have clauses in place in the event GRRM shat the bed and didn't finish the books (which he did lmao) for him to give the writers his notes/outlines as to the ending.

It's sunken cost fallacy at this point and fans being extremely embarrassed they completely misinterpreted the kind of story they were reading. The fact that Sansa fans of all sections of the fandom got a vast majority of the themes and endgames correct is even more salt on the wound for these people lol.

Dear nonny, the thing that slips over the heads of fandom majority (pretty obvious thing) that both ASoIaF and GOT are very complicated and complex works with a lot of different circumstances around them that require at least a little bit analysis to understand.

It's very easy thing to say that that GoT was bullshit and not mention it ever again. It doesn't require this thing called thinking. And it seems that most people in this fandom took the easy way out of the reality. Because as we wait Winds of Winter it's just so easy to skip, for example, I don't know, Sansa's chapters and then go discuss with 10 000 anti sansa fans that she's so unimportant and stupid.

I really think we should see the fine line between giving show too much credit and not trusting it at all.

You know, back in the days, I remember seeing somewhere that D&D were given just a paper (or even a half of it) of those outlines. For this massive story with a dozen focal characters and 50 more characters that are also very important, just important and kinda important. With those peculiar connections through sometimes littlest events. And who knows which of those points they were given made it to the show end and which did not. I'm not saying they blatantly ignored the commandments by GRRM, there are a variety of reasons they couldn't just make it happen.

For example, what if the seemingly unimportant character D&D killed or wiped off earlier suddenly made it to the end - we know a bunch of them. Robb's wife, Doran Martell, princess Arianne, Young Griff - those are just the politically very important figures and those are just from top of my head.

Second reason not to trust the show in some instances is the pressure of the fandom that GoT was under at that point. Like yeah they couldn't change the fact that Dany that was previously established in the show as this big feminist progressive icon is suddenly big bad evil guy of the series. But I also can absolutely imagine them not being able to kill someone like Tyrion because killing both fan favourite #1 and fan favourite #2 was too much - although I don't think he's gonna end up dead, it's just an example.

That is also why I think it was impossible to end show with Jonsa. (1) for some reason fan favourite chemistryless Jonaerys (2) lack of any establishment that cousins can marry in Westeros and it is not viewed as incest and (3) therefore big bad backlash from fans they couldn't handle. Also it would have contradicted the badass feminist course they were taking with Sansa.

But at the same time - season 6 is the last decent season of the show. There are reasons to believe that big events happening there are gonna happen in the books - Battle of Bastards, doom of the Great Sept etc. Jon meeting Sansa too, btw. There is background for it, there were premises in the books.

So regarding the show - to see which show events are to expect and which are not a fan has to a) remember the circumstances around said event both from book and from show, b) remember the themes of the story and tools the author uses to show those themes, and c) understand and interpret them correctly.

Sounds like a lot of mental work, right?

So no wonder people just can't handle it.

Except for Sansa and Jonsa stans - because for us it is a way to exist in this toxic fandom.

You know the funny thing - as I was reading the books, I treated Sansa as a regular character. I liked her but not much more than the rest of the bunch. It was when close friend of mine said to me "Urgh, I hate Sansa" and I started the whole discussion "But why?" with them that made me feel defensive about her. And then I saw that the part of the fandom that likes Sansa have to do absolutely the same on the regular basis. And all of them are very nice people that have to do "you see that theme, and that happened because of that, and it correlated with that theme of this character, and the logic of Sansa's arc and etc" - regularly. I mean the database for every Sansa and Jonsa theory is huge, including every possible evidence - book quotes, themes, background, show clues, another characters arcs, interviews with actors and GRRM himself - everything. And all they usually get as a response are misunderstood events and misinterpreted themes - the nicest of them see Sansa as a cautionary tale (and don't they get the point? It was Robb who had the cautionary tale arc, and he didn't get the POV).

I'm sorry, the anwer happens to be so much longer than I intended. It's just that I have seen a lot of Sansa and Jonsa shit around here, I'm sure you have too. And I'm so sick of it, really. It's so unfair to the nicest people in this fandom.

And the sad thing, it won't be over after WoW and DoS are released (if ever). They won't be able to just shut up and admit their ignorance - even if the themes are catered to them by author himself in actual books.

Because guess what - there are GRRM interviews when he said that Sansa is important and discussed her themes. There are characters in the books that said that Sansa is important. And there are still takes that I see here "nah, Sansa's gonna stay in vale till the end, that's all she's good for"

[nocturne-of-illusions]

finished s.ubahibi. man. okay. like. complex feelings… (i am once again The Rambler, i just planned to shit out a paragraph or something but. this got long. ignore me~)

[cw nsfw mentions, vaguely talk around darker story elements without mentioning the acts themselves, tried to be as vague as possible but i do sorta gesture at the story structure of s.ubahibi + mentions of u.mineko and a little aside about d.ead e.nd a.egis... so a heads up about all of that!]

[guy who's only seen boss baby voice] i was able to figure out almost everything that was going on LITERALLY in ch1… and i think that's largely influenced by the fact that i read umi first and have had years to digest it. and if i had read this first i think it could have helped me solve umi! but… thinking on it… i would MUUUUUUCH rather have read umi first and made it a huge portion of my personality instead of s.ubahibi LMAOOOOO this is not a good first introduction to these concepts. i think there are some really cool ideas and themes here, and they were leading up to something interesting… and then just kinda fell flat in the last couple of chapters. it undermined a lot of the work it had set up throughout the earlier chapters, and dropped some really promising thematic threads right before the end.

this is also a game that really stretched my personal limits to their breaking point. it's grounded enough that the darker content ALSO feels grounded and more… real. tangible. which is the kind of thing that wrecks me. i am SOOOOOOOO glad that, in the second-to-last chapter, they didn't go with the Absolute Worst Possible Option towards the end. if you know, you know. i felt if they went with that option instead of the more symbolic one, i would have quit the game. like, "idc that i'm maybe 6hrs away from finishing, i'm done." i spent multiple chapters with a rock in my stomach, fearing they were going that route, and i feel like most of the Awful Terrible Horrible scenes up until then were in that area of "you're meant to sit in how horrible this is" without being… gratuitous. through focusing on the characters' inner thoughts and how THEY see the situation, it made the most disgusting scenes FEEL disgusting without showing more than needed. the single gratuitous scene was that way 1) for a specific reason, and 2) because of plot reasons the reader couldn't see it as being "as bad as it seems". i'm trying so hard to be vague sknKJNNASF.

ig i'm also mentally comparing this to d.ead e.nd a.egis, which i read… a year or 2 ago?? which had SOOOOO much potential, but it faltered at every step when it came to the darker scenes. it wanted to have its cake and eat it too, by emphasizing the horrors of state-sanctioned abuse while also making the art as sexy as it possibly could. maybe it's just the way i personally react to r18 content in general (aka i don't really play eroge with the intent to jack off KJNADKJ), but s.ubahibi rarely felt "sexy". there are SOME touching scenes, but they also have either an undercurrent of "horrible things are happening while they're off doing this" OR, wrt the first chapter, it feels so… fake. imaginary. seen from the perspective of someone who maybe doesn't understand certain kinds of relationships. POINT BEING!!! i feel like if s.ubahibi had done that one late scene the Worst Way Possible, it would have been more like that kind of contradictory vibe as opposed to the just Gross and Unsettling tone they thankfully chose.

i do still think a lot of the last few chapters were completely ruined by the. uh. "romance" it chose and the "jokes" it makes. especially in contrast to the first horror scenes in ch3????? like????? you're gonna show us THAT and show its massive effects on the rest of the story and then just????? do all of… /gestures vaguely at everything past ch4/ that????? gross. really ruined what it was going for for me. almost like that first horror scene was just accidentally horror, if they can make those kinds of jokes later on and not understand how it contradicts all of that set-up. ugh.

i'm just blabbing now jsndkfjn ;; this is all stream of consciousness, so sorry for any weird wording. i'm just coming out of this like… i can see why it made a huge impact when it first released, but i think there's a higher standard now. AND i think, while their end themes and goals were different, umi handles a lot of their similar elements in a much more interesting and respectful way without sacrificing the horror elements. i'm going to have fun watching some analysis vids and see if i catch anything on a second "read" through them (bc by god i am NOT read this a second time even if i am curious about how the first couple of chapters read now)!!! gonna seek out analysis from both people who read it at release and people who read it more recently to compare the experience. :)

ANYWAY. otonashi ayana best girl. <3 (EDIT: I FORGOT KIMIKA BC I HAVENT SEEN HER IN A WHILE! KIMIKA ALSO BEST GIRL!!) sorry in advance if i decide to go on a rb spree <3 teehee, lalalalala, ano eto bleh, etc. <333

[ammonitetheseaserpent]

The Owl House - The Collector (And the General Use of Purple)

Hi. Uh. So, I was talking with @pageofheartdj on this post https://pageofheartdj.tumblr.com/post/688233740866060288/ive-been-thinking-about-something-as-usual-xd - about why Kid Belos was purple in the mindscape while his true adult form is red, and how the Collector is also heavily associated with purple, and what that could mean, that sorta thing - and it kinda… gave me a bunch of thoughts. Namely, what I think the use of purple means in this show, and how I think those themes culminate in the Collector being a really fitting and intriguing endgame antagonist.

Alright, so… in The Owl House, so far, there are a few major characters we’ve seen heavily associated with the color purple - Luz, the Collector, Kid Belos and, more recently, Amity.

What’s my theory here? Well, with that initial connection brought up earlier between Kid Belos and the Collector, I am led to believe that purple is being used in this show to represent childlike innocence/ignorance (or, more generally, a blank slate).

Children are very impressionable and malleable, very much products of the environment around them. Obviously, this can be a double-edged sword. It can give the child room for growth and gaining maturity, as we’ve seen with Luz and her journey in the Boiling Isles. She starts off seeing the Boiling Isles as some big fantasy getaway, but it’s through this fantasy world that she’s able to be grounded to reality and grow into a more mature person.

For a more minor example of this, Amity chooses to re-dye her hair purple during a turning point in her life. In addition to her choosing to dye her hair purple to represent her use of Abomination magic, she changes the color of her hair for a fresh start - to have room to grow into the person she truly wants to be, away from the shadow of her parents.

On the other hand, this blank-slate innocence and malleability can leave a child vulnerable if the environment around them fails to properly guide them and help them grow, whether that be through leaving them completely to their own devices, or providing a bad influence. This can lead to a child being at least somewhat ignorant to the harm they could cause, and/or not understanding why certain things are bad - or, in general, having some pretty skewed views of the world around them. We see this with Kid Belos and the Collector. While Philip’s appearance as a child in Hollow Mind, with that nonthreatening dull purple aura, is meant to deceive Luz and Hunter, it also reflects what he really is deep down - someone who’s immature, and ignorant to the lives of those around him. Someone who never let go of those skewed views he was taught to have when he was a child, and as a result, is able to cause suffering on such a huge scale without a shred of remorse.

Now, time for the big part - how does all this apply to the Collector? Well, this guy has a loooot of duality about them, and one of the biggest parts of this is one simple thing that’s made pretty clear: they’re a child, in one way or another. A child who’s been left to his own devices and skewed morals and punished for reasons he doesn’t really understand. A child who spent 400 years heavily influenced by the worst possible person in this realm for a child to be influenced by (granted, it’s pretty evident hanging around Belos wasn’t the ONLY reason for the Collector’s skewed morals, but it definitely couldn’t have helped). A child who does not grasp the full scope and impact of the harm they cause (something especially emphasized by the use of the purple glow during the Owl Beast’s memory of its capture), and likely fails to fully see “mortals” as people. A child who’s a product of their upbringing.

This is the very thing that makes them so terrifying, and such a huge threat (the biggest threat we’ve seen so far by a long shot), when you couple it with the fact that he’s a god, and has a complementary amount of power at his fingertips.

However, them being a child is also the thing that could give them the potential to be talked down and reasoned with. The potential to be guided towards a better path, and helped by people who care about him and treat him like a person. The potential to be tethered back to the reality of the harm he’s doing, and be given the chance to grow and gain maturity. Because, unlike with current-day Belos, we’re not dealing with an adult whose ways and ideals are already set firmly in stone. They may be a product of their upbringing, but it doesn’t have to define their way of thinking forever. This is also why the prospect of defeating the Collector by just. putting them back in their prison just feels kinda… wrong to me. Considering the themes of this show and how this guys fits into them, I think it would make a lot more sense if they were reasoned with and got a face turn.

Anyway, that’s my theory! Yikes, this is a long post. If you read this entire thing, I applaud you.

[hopelesshawks]

Can I request a Compress x Reader? Babytrapping + Breeding?

Ohhh interesting, of course you can! I rarely write for the villains so this will be fun. You didn’t specify but because baby trapping I did fem!reader. I also just realized you might’ve meant reader baby trapping Compress but I wrote Compress baby trapping reader so I hope that’s what you wanted ���

The following request contains dark content. Check the warnings before reading

Warnings for vomiting, pregnancy, manipulation, non-violent sexual assault (baby trapping), breeding kink, unprotected sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering (f!receiving), minor dumbification? (reader is very no thoughts, head empty during the smut), minor size kink, minor pain kink

Three years.

Three years together and yet you never would’ve guessed that your boyfriend is the notorious Mr. Compress of League of Villains infamy.

You first met Atsuhiro while working at a hole in the wall theater company. He came up to you after performing one night and had been so effortlessly charming that you’d instantly been put under his spell. He was more intelligent than all of your exes combined and could make you laugh like no one else could. It hadn’t taken long for you to fall totally and completely for the charming man you met that night.

But all of that came crashing down around you when he came home from a “business trip” with a prosthetic arm and no amount of half-assed excuses about an accident on stage could assuage your suspicions. He managed to dodge a confrontation with you for almost a week before you’d finally put the final pieces together and went to him to demand an explanation.

“You’re a terrorist Atsu!”

“That’s just what the heroes want you to think my love, don’t fall for their propaganda.”

“It’s not propaganda it’s just a fact! People have died because of your actions!”

“And how many more have suffered or died because of heroes and the society they created.”

“You’re deflecting. I have always indulged your rants about hero society but this is too far! The man I fell in love with would never stoop to this level!”

Atsuhiro crosses the room to you in two quick strides, cradling your face gently with his hand while you feel the cool metal of his other find your hip, fingers slipping under your shirt.

“I’m still the man you fell in love with (y/n), I can assure you of that,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to yours.

“How could that possibly be?”

“Let me show you.”

He pulls you into a gentle kiss, reassuring in its care. As his lips move against yours, gently coaxing them to open so he can deepen the kiss and slip his tongue inside, you struggle to maintain your earlier anger. It’s a distraction and you know it is but it’s hard to resist as he starts to move you both back towards your bedroom. He makes quick work of your clothes and by the time your back hits the plush of your mattress you’re both already naked. His mouth finally releases yours to travel down your body, leaving bruises in his wake as he marks you as his.

“Atsu, wait we should, ah-” you start but he quickly shushes you before licking a long stripe up your waiting sex.

“Just relax Angel, let me take care of you. Let your thoughts drift away,” he all but purrs.

You try to focus on the conversation you know the two of you need to have but it slips from your fingers like grains of sand as he brings one hand to your swollen clit and starts rubbing slow circles. Your hands tighten in the sheets as he draws a low, keening whine out of you. His hazel eyes dance with smug satisfaction as he watches you try and fail to form a coherent thought. He doesn’t let up the pressure on your clit for even a moment as he drops his mouth to your waiting cunt and plunges his tongue inside. Your hand flies down to his curly hair on impulse, tangling in the brown locks and gripping tight. Your nails scratch along his scalp and your tight grip tugs at the roots of his hair but he loves the pain of it, knows it’s a sign he’s doing well as he brings up his free hand to add two fingers inside you as well. After so long together he knows your body just as well as you do and it takes no time at all for him to find that one spot inside you that has you seeing stars. Your climax builds and builds until you finally crash through the peaks of your pleasure, walls fluttering around your lover’s tongue and fingers as he coaxes you through your orgasm.

You’ve barely had time to recover from your orgasm before you can feel his erection pressing at your entrance. “W-wait, Atsu, condom,” you pant, shifting in the bed to reach for the bedside drawer but Atsuhiro stops you. “We don’t need it baby, wanna feel closer to you,” he murmurs, pressing kisses along your face as he eases you back down to laying flat on the bed. “But what if-” “You’re on birth control right?” he cuts you off. “I mean yea but-” “Then it’ll be fine, you worry too much.”

Any further protests you might’ve had are immediately silenced as a snap of your boyfriend’s hips has the tip of his cock brushing your cervix. You gasp as your body attempts to adjust to his girth. “You’re taking me so well baby, isn’t this so much better? Feel how close we are. Nothing between us, just as it should be,” he coos and it does feel good, good enough that despite the voice in your head telling you you should be cautious, you only nod and beg for more. The grin Atsuhiro gives you is almost blinding right before he presses his lips to yours, kissing you greedily as he slowly withdraws his hard cock before pushing back inside you again. You whimper and whine into his mouth as he starts to pick up the pace, each thrust more brutal than the last. Eventually he leans back and away from you, shifting your hips so he can plunge himself in deeper, but with his lips no longer occupied with yours he’s free to let his thoughts spill out and into the room:

“Gonna fill you up so well, fuck, my beautiful Angel.”

“You and me forever baby, gonna look so good round with my kids.”

“Taking my cock so well, can’t wait until you’re full of my seed.”

The words wash over you but barely register. There’s no room in your brain left for anything else as Atsuhiro takes over every corner of it. Language becomes a foreign concept to you, barely able to articulate your own pleasure in more than the sinful sounds dripping from your lips, let alone trying to process your boyfriend’s ramblings. His thrusts start getting sloppier as he brings one hand between you both to stroke your clit and push you over the edge with him. “I’m so close angel, I’m so close. Cum with me. Want you to finish with me while I stuff you full of my cum,” he pants and all you can do is nod as the coil in your belly winds tighter and tighter. As you clench harder around him he goes toppling over the edge first, crying out your name as he spills his load inside you. You never would’ve anticipated enjoying it so much but it’s that feeling that sends you over the edge, falling apart around his cock as he finishes filling you with his cum.

He helps you come down from your high with sweet kisses and whispered words of encouragement, but as the haze of lust fades, you start to remember the fight you both were having before. As much as you would like for this to be the kind of thing you can just kiss and make up over, it’s not and you know it’s a conversation that needs to be finished. Looking at your boyfriend as he settles more comfortably on top of you though, you can’t bring yourself to ruin the moment. Sleep is weighing heavy on your eyelids anyway so you resolve yourself to bring it up the next day.

Except the next day ends the same way.

And the day after that.

And the day after that…

Every time you try to bring back up Atsuhiro’s secret double life as Mr. Compress he manages to distract you just long enough to get you back into bed. At first you tell yourself it’s not a big deal that the conversation’s been delayed a couple days, but then it turns into a week. A week of very hot sex, mind you, but if the existence of Atsuhiro’s double life was a red flag then certainly his insistence on avoiding discussing it is an even larger one. After two weeks you finally resolve yourself to talking to him the next morning over breakfast, no distractions and no avoiding the issue with sex. Cooking helps with your nerves, giving you something to do with your hands and a task to focus on to help you ignore your roiling stomach. You end up making almost an entire breakfast buffet by the time Atsuhiro emerges from your shared bedroom to join you in the kitchen.

He barely has time to tell you good morning before you’re rushing him to the table and setting plates full of food down. You know you have to tread carefully so you use the time you both spend eating to organize your thoughts. This time for sure you’ll talk to him. You finally open your mouth to confront Atsuhiro once and for all but as you feel bile start to crawl up your throat what comes out instead is “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

No sooner have you said the words are you shoving away from the table and rushing into the nearest bathroom. You get to the toilet just in time, fingers clutching the rim of the bowl as you violently eject the contents of your stomach into the water below. It burns your throat coming up and your eyes sting, but a warm, comforting presence is by your side in an instant, one hand coming up to rub your back gently as the other pulls your hair away from your face. Only once your stomach is thoroughly emptied does the heaving finally stop and you’re able to sit back and catch your breath. “Are you ok my love? What’s wrong?” Atsuhiro asks with gentle care as he pulls you close. You shake your head, unsure yourself of what had turned your stomach. Sure, you were nervous to talk to Atsuhiro but not that nervous. It can’t have been something you ate since all you’d had was the breakfast you made and you know everything was cooked properly. You rack your brain for an answer only to go rigid when you start to settle on one.

“Atsu what’s the date?”

“The 22nd baby, why?”

Your blood runs cold.

You’d been so preoccupied with figuring out things with Atsuhiro that you hadn’t even noticed how much time was slipping past but there’s no doubt about it. Your period is two weeks late.

“I think I need to go to the doctor,” you whisper. No way in hell you’ll leave this up to a drugstore test. There must be another explanation for your sudden nausea. Sure, you and Atsuhiro had pretty much abandoned condoms. Every time you started to reach for one, he’d remind you how good it felt not to use one the first time and convince you to forgo it again. But you’re on birth control! This isn’t supposed to be possible.

God bless him, Atsuhiro doesn’t press you any further on why exactly you want to go to the doctor instead of trying to find something at home to settle your stomach. He simply helps you off the floor and then grabs the keys to your car so he can drive you to the doctor himself. You’re incredibly grateful that he doesn’t seem to share your nerves. He’s a calming presence next to you as your anxiety kicks into overdrive.

You’d asked Atsuhiro to take a seat without you while you checked into the urgent care. You didn’t want him to hear you describe your symptoms to the nurse waiting there. The kind woman immediately suspects the same thing you do and leads you to the bathroom so you can pee in a cup. She’s sympathetic and reassuring as she tells you to return to the waiting room while the doctor runs the pregnancy test but it does little to soothe your frayed nerves. The air in the waiting room feels oppressive and when your name is finally called to go back and see the doctor, Atsuhiro’s hand in yours is probably the only thing that keeps you grounded. You take a seat on the examination table and instead of moving to sit down in one of the chairs in the room, Atsu stays by your side, whispering reassurances into your ear. “Whatever’s going on I’m here for you my love.”

The doctor strides into the room shortly afterwards, greeting you warmly even if somewhat absentmindedly as she moves to the computer to check for your details. She confirms your date of birth and then after scrolling for a bit her eyes finally land on the results of your test. She smiles and your heart sinks. “Well it looks like congratulations are in order, you’re pregnant!” she exclaims, beaming at you. A lump forms in your throat as tears threaten to fall, anxiety making your hands shake as the weight of the situation starts to crash down on you. The doctor misinterprets your reaction and as she leaves the room to get you pamphlets on what to expect and how best to take care of yourself during your pregnancy, her reassuring words that promise you’ll make a great mother are anything but.

As soon as the doctor leaves the room you break, tears cascading down your cheeks as your chest heaves. Atsuhiro pulls you into his embrace, letting you fall apart in his arms as you come to terms with the news. “I’m not ready to be a mom, I can’t do it on my own,” you cry, hands clenching onto his shirt. “I know my love, I know, but you’ll never be alone as long as you have me. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you,” he assures you, pulling you in even closer.

As you continue to cry into his chest, murmuring hiccuping thank you’s between heaving sobs, Atsuhiro can’t help but smile to himself.

He’ll have to remember to thank Dr. Garaki for the fake birth control pills later.

General Taglist: @ahtsuwu @oikawaandkuroostan @larkspyrr @oliviasslut @black-rose-29

[quindolyn]

hi can i request the maurauders going to see the reader do a musical like heathers or mean girls and they are just confused and turned on bc they didn't expect it to be this dirty (can lead to smut or not). luv you and hope you are taking care of yourself, if not go get something to eat, drink some water, take a nap, or do somthing you enjoy. or dont not trying to be pushy :)

Creature of the Night || Poly!Marauders

Word Count: 3029 (excluding song lyrics)

A/N: I think I liked how this turned out? I didn’t make it smut but it’s certainly suggestive, I went with Rocky Horror, I know that the musicals mentioned in the request are more modern but I fucking love Rocky Horror and I think it works with the request. When I first read this request I smiled so much because I love live theater, I don’t perform as much as I used to because as I progress with my education I’m focusing more on the stuff I can use to pad my resumes for college and stuff but I still love going to see productions. One of the worst parts of the pandemic for me has been not being able to go see shows, I miss it so much.

Warnings: theatre enthusiast reader, erections, suggestive material, song lyrics, slight teasing, wearing very little clothing in front of an audience, I believe that that is it

Masterlist

500 follower celebration

antici-

The magic of the stage was second to none. Sure, Hogwarts may have had witches and wizards, subjects like Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts, and ghosts that spent their time meandering about the halls but there was always a part of you that looked forward to the summer between your years at Hogwarts. Because no matter how magical Hogwarts was, the theater always made you feel completely and utterly alive. 

Every summer since the one after your first year at what all of your muggle friends thought to be a very prestigious boarding school up in Scotland, you’d taken part in your local youth theater’s productions. Your parents both being muggles thought that it would be a great way for you to be able to stay in touch with your muggle origins. 

The first year you’d been far too nervous to actually audition for a role, the very thought causing bile to churn in your stomach and threaten to make you sick all over your kitchen floor when your father first pitched the idea. So instead you’d done costumes and it was the most wonderful experience of your life. 

Who needed drugs when you had live theater? The hustle and bustle behind the scenes was electrifying but after two summers of costuming, of quick changes in the wings, learning how to use the ancient sewing machines they stored in the depths of the storage rooms, and pulling pieces for the actors to try on you decided that you wanted to try something more.

The moment you had stepped onto the stage it was like you’d come to life and you cursed yourself for not taking the risk earlier. You belonged on the stage, with the harsh stage lights on you and pounds of makeup plastered onto your face you could feel the magic thrumming through your veins and it was addicting.

If it was possible, you were even more excited to perform this summer, the previous school year you’d finally gotten together with your long time best friends the Marauders, turning them from friends to your boyfriends.

When your mother had sent word of the production being put on this summer you’d squealed while seated next to James and across from Remus, who had Sirius hanging off of his side. After explaining to them, mostly Sirius and James really, just what live theater was their first reaction was to ask if they could come see you perform.

“I don’t even know if I’m going to be cast,” You had explained gently, not wanting to get their hopes up in case you weren’t cast this year.

“Bull shit of course you’re going to be the cast,” Sirius had contested through a mouthful of jam and toast, waving his hand theatrically through the air, watching him that day was not the first time you’d considered how the way he acted often reminded you of an over enthusiastic theatre major.

Remus, the only one with any knowledge on muggle theatre had snorted, wrapping an arm around Sirius’ waist to pull him closer to his body, “She’s not going to be the cast Pads, she’s going to be casted,” He’d corrected gently, pressing a kiss into his long, dark tresses.

“Whatever,” The smaller boy had grumbled, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

Which brought you to where you were right now, five minutes to curtain touching up your make up in the mirror of the shared make-up room.

“Hey (L/N),” One of your cast mates called settling into the makeup chair next to you as she plucked a tube of dark red lipstick from the small canary colored makeup bag she had previously abandoned on the counter, “Your boyfriends coming tonight?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah, they are,” You responded, applying mascara to your lashes.

“Excited to meet them, that photo you showed us,” She smiled, fanning her face with her hand, “Smoking,” She smiled, making eye contact with you in the mirror.

Rolling your eyes you ignored her comment, “It’s five minutes to curtain, you’re just now doing your make-up?” You chuckled, noticing her black face.

“Oh, shove it,” She laughed as you pushed yourself from your chair, traipsing out of the room, giving her the middle finger on your way out.

“Break a leg!” She called after you as the door latched shut.

You weren’t usually this nervous before a performance but knowing that your three boyfriends were sitting out there somewhere in the audience had you pacing back and forth backstage wondering what they were going to think of the whole production.

“Rocky Horror?” Sirius’ confusion evident in his voice as he plopped down in his seat next to Remus, throwing his arm around the werewolf’s shoulders, drumming his fingers on his clothed shoulder hidden behind his knitted cardigan.

“Yeah,” James collapsed into his chair on the other side of Remus, tucking one leg under his body, “No clue what it’s about but I’m sure our angel will be wonderful. Can you guys see her?” He straightened himself up in his seat, craning his neck in attempts to catch a glimpse of you.

Remus being the only one with any ties to the muggle world knew a bit about the show and had to do his very best to suppress a smirk from overtaking his face as he knew exactly what he and your other two boyfriends were getting themselves into. 

“Just hush up you two, the show’s gonna start any moment,” He scolded, patting his large, scarred hand on James’ thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Rem,” Sirius whined, puckering his lips and closing his eyes, signaling to his boyfriend that he wanted a kiss.

“My needy baby,” He crooned, leaning in to connect his lips with Sirius’ in a quick liplock before pulling back, allowing Sirius to drop his forehead to smear against his shoulder.

“That’s mean,” Sirius murmured discontentedly.

“Poor baby Pads,” James cooed mockingly.

“Both of you,” Remus hissed as the lights in the theatre dimmed, “The show’s about to start, be good for me and be quiet yeah?”

Their response came in their silence as the crowd started settling down and the music from the orchestra pit began a voice coming from somewhere out of sight as it was played through the speakers,

“Michael Rennie was ill

The day the earth stood still

But he told us where we stand”

Not 20 minutes into the show all three of them were as hard as rocks, James had already made Remus check the playbill for the name of the character you were playing, not being able to remember what you’d told them as all of his concentration was focused on a certain place.

Janet Weiss.

Remus couldn’t remember either, but he was almost certain that’s the name he could make out in the dark theatre, printed next to a picture of your smiling face.

When you’d stripped down to your underwear the boys could barely focus on the plot line of the show, only being able to watch the way your bare skin shone under the harsh light of the spotlights. Watching as sweat glistened on your skin, making you shine as you moved about the stage. 

Enchanted by the melodic cadence of your voice they all felt a certain jealousy burning deep in the pits on their stomachs at the thought that there were dozens of other people packed into that theater, all observing you in your vulnerable state of under dress. Only they got to see you like that.

Sirius missed much of the first act glaring at members of the audience who he deemed as looking at you for too long for his liking, but if you were being honest a 4th year smiling at you in the hallway was sometimes too long for his liking.

It wasn’t like any of them had never seen you naked before, in fact they’d all seen you naked more than their fair share of times but something about you on that stage in a white bra with a matching slip was driving them all crazy.

Especially Remus, whose ultimate weakness was seeing you in anything white which was one of the reasons you’d been so excited to invite them in the first place, knowing that they would be horny messes the entire time.

On stage you did your very best not to look out into the audience looking for them, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to stop a ginormous grin from forming on your face and you couldn’t afford to break character. Not if you wanted the night to go your way.

As the opening notes to “Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me”, rose from the orchestra pit you had trouble stopping a small smirk from pulling at your lips as you opened them, inhaling deeply before singing the first words of the song,

“I was feeling done in, couldn't win

I'd only ever kissed before”

Despite yourself you caught a glimpse of long dark hair in the audience, quickly taking a glance at Sirius’ face, eyes glazed over in lust, legs shifting uncomfortably with his mouth hanging wide open. 

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed another raven-haired boy’s mouth dropping as you shrugged off of your robe

“I thought there’s no use getting, into heavy petting

It only leads to trouble and, seat wetting

Now all I want to know, is how to go

I've tasted blood and I want more”

It was impossible to miss the way Remus’ jaw clenched as you laid your palm against Rocky’s chest, he was being played by your good friends who’d been working with the same theatre company as you since forever, he was like a brother to you. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t lay it on extra thick tonight with your boyfriends in the audience.

Tracing a dainty finger down Rocky’s chest you pushed your body against his singing out the next lyrics of the song,

“I've got an itch to scratch, I need assistance”

You turned you and your cast mate so that looking over his shoulder you were able to meet Remus’ eye, sending him a quick wink before focusing back in on Rocky.

“Toucha, toucha, toucha, touch me

I wanna be dirty

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me

Creature of the night”

Pressing your back up against Rocky’s chest you guided his hands with yours to your breasts, squeezing them as you followed the choreography you knew by heart.

You ripped your slip from your body with the help of Rocky leaving you in only your white bra, matching panties and a pair of small heels as you paraded around stage, belting the suggestive lyrics into the theater.

“Then if anything grows, while you pose

I'll oil you up and rub you down (down, down, down)

And that’s just one small fraction, of the main attraction

You need a friendly hand, oh i need action”

You smirked, thinking about all of the action you’d be on the receiving end of later that night as you sunk to your knees in front of Rocky, your hands grasping his thighs. Deciding to tease them perhaps a little more than necessary as you went through the number, curling your leg around his and pressing your bodies together so that there was no space between your two questionably clothed bodies.

As the number was brought to a close it was impossible for you to ignore the excitement bubbling up inside of you as you continued your way through the show you kept throwing glances at your boyfriends, always finding their eyes already trained on you. More often than not, on some body part other than your face.

If your boyfriends thought that they had a bit of a problem before that song they were in a terrible predicament now.

Remus caught Sirius on multiple occasions trying to move the hand that he was holding to grope at his crotch as he tried to buck up into his boyfriend’s hand. And much to his own dismay, Remus would pull his hand away, thinking it probably wasn’t the best idea to give his boyfriend a hand job in a crowded theater. Knowing that he wouldn’t have to worry about James touching himself because he would never dream of disobeying him, Remus divided his attention between you on the stage and keeping Sirius in check.

Each of the boys were counting down the seconds until the show came to an end and they could get out of there and relieve some of their tension.  As the curtains were pulled closed they all breathed a sigh of relief before they reopened, leaving all three of them bewildered and slightly annoyed, even more so when they noticed everyone around them standing as they applauded the actors.

Remus forced both of them up when you rushed to the front of the stage, curtsying as the crowd went wild, your boyfriends most notably. As you took your bow you blew a kiss to your boyfriends taking note of the uncomfortable way they all stood, trying to adjust their erections to make them less noticeable while simultaneously applauding you.

As you cleared the stage after curtain call you took your time, doddling towards the dressing rooms where you had left the clothes you’d arrived at the theater in along with a special outfit you’d brought for after the show. Usually you were one of the first actors to clear the theater after a show but tonight you took your time. Hanging up your costume with more care than anyone really should treat any garment with and certainly more than what it needed. 

You smirked mischievously as you pulled the you’d brought outfit from your bag and shimmied it up your legs before slipping the delicate straps up your shoulders. You glimpsed yourself in the mirror, the red satin of the dress clinging to your curves in an attractive manner, short enough to display miles of legs and low cut enough to show off a decent amount of cleavage and perhaps a sighting of the matching red bra you were wearing beneath it.

Slinging the back of your black heels over the heel of your feet you snatched your purse from the armchair in your dressing room before striding out to go meet your boyfriends in the lobby, where you’d told them to wait for you.

Their heads all turned as they heard the clacking of your heels against the tile of the floor, “Boys,” You greeted as they unabashedly took in your new appearance.

As he most often was, Remus was the first one to collect himself, “Puppy, you were wonderful,” He praised, walking to meet you as you approached him, leaning down to smear a kiss against your cheek, “You did amazing up there, so proud of you,” He threw his arm around your waist as you walked towards Sirius and James.

“We got something for you,” He explained, his grip on your waist tightening, “Jamie give it to her, yeah?” 

“Oh yeah,” The smaller boy grinned, remembering the bouquet he held cradled in his arms as he handed it over to you, “Here you go angel.”

“Thank you Jamie,” You said as you took it from him, closing your eyes as you buried your nose in the sweet smelling flora. As you opened your eyes you made eye contact with Sirius, who stood across from you, practically drooling as he took in your appearance without any shame, “They smell wonderful.”

“You okay Si?” You asked, looking up through your eyelashes, batting them innocently.

“Like you don’t know exactly what you did up there to us (Y/N/N),” Remus whispered in your ear, pressing his nose into your temple.

“You guys are the ones who wanted to come,” You lilted, rubbing one of the velvety petals between the pads of your thumb and forefinger.

“Could’ve warned us,” James mumbled, his eyes not leaving your thighs as he licked his lips, if it were anyone else you would’ve been uncomfortable but you couldn’t help but feel flattered whenever any of them ogled you. 

“And what’s with the dress Pup?” Sirius nodded his head appreciatively towards your dress, obviously admiring the way it hung on your body.

“What, you don’t like it?” You asked with fake hurt in your voice, knowing that he more than liked it, he fucking loved it. 

“S’not that,” Remus mumbled, nosing at your jugular, “Just that whole show, got us a little bit worked up. We didn’t expect it to be so sexual Puppy,” He nodded towards James and that’s when you noticed the erection he was still sporting. 

“Got us really worked up, can we go home now?” James asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, trying to distract himself from his little problem.

“Jamie,” You whined, smiling wickedly, “I wanted to celebrate, I was thinking we could go eat somewhere, I was thinking maybe Thai food?”

You watched as Sirius ground his teeth, conflicted between needing to get home and not wanting to deny you from what you wanted. 

“Having fun teasing us Bunny?” Remus asked you with a sly smirk, knowing exactly what you were doing.

“M’not teasing,” You insisted, turning indignantly to your other boyfriend.

“Sure you aren’t,” He chuckled, “Thai sounds great (Y/N), wanna talk with you about the show,” The idea of teasing Sirius and James even longer was very appealing to Remus and he was ready to make the sacrifice of being teased himself, knowing that he’d be able to get back at you later that night.

“But-” James began.

“You wanna argue with me Jamie?” Remus challenged, raising a singular eyebrow.

“No,” He moped, “Of course not.”

“Good,” Remus said, nodding his head approvingly, “We wouldn’t wanna deny our Princess would we?”

James shook his head, eyes pleading, desperately seeking Remus’ approval.

“Pads?” Remus challenged, turning his attention to the other raven haired man.

“What? Oh um, of course not,” He agreed distractedly, dragging his eyes from your form to meet Remus’, his reluctance evident in his voice.

“Good,” Remus said pointedly, his eyes cold, daring Sirius to question him. When he didn’t the werewolf continued, “Let’s get going then, there’s a nice little restaurant a couple blocks away yeah?”

As you all hummed your consent you made your way to the exit, “Ten galleons if you can make James cum in his pants at dinner,” Remus whispered in your ear quietly enough so that  James and Sirius trailing behind you wouldn’t be able to hear you, you could hear the smirk in his voice as you exited the theatre.

“Deal.” This was going to be fun, you considered that you might have to invite them to come see the show again.

-pation

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts @kittykylax @amourtentiaa @superbturtlemakerathlete

[sparklingchim]

better together; f | pjm

pairing: jimin x wife!reader

word count: 1.9k

genre: fluff, dad!jimin, married couple, slice of life au

warnings: oc is pregnant, nothing else unless you hate children ?

summary: just a casual day with your husband jimin and your little boy jihoon.

a/n: hello! this is a fic i wrote a while ago and thought about sharing it now🥰 there are a few more chapters that i wrote in that universe but they still need to be edited. i hope you like it!!❤

masterlist

Kick...kick...kick...

,,Why are you so active today, my little bean?" you coo, rubbing your belly and feeling the tiny kicks from your 7 month old baby girl in your womb.

,,Baby?" you hear the sound of your 2 year old little baby boy, who is sitting next to you, on his high baby chair. His pastel blue elephant bib is draped around his neck, already soiled with the chicken soup rice porridge your feeding him - even though he only ate approximately 3 spoons of it yet.

,,Your baby sister is moving," you tell him and he excitedly stretches his grabby hands, aiming for your bump, completely ignoring the spoon that he was about to latch his mouth on.

Of course his short chubby arms can't quite reach it, so you grab him from his baby stool and place him on your lap. He automatically brings both his hands on your stomach, roaming them all over your bump and anticipating the movements of his baby sister.

Both of your hands have a firm hold on his back and keep him safe on your lap, because Jihoon tends to get dynamic and thrilled at random times - especially when it had something to do with his still unborn sister. Jihoon loved feeling her kicks, even going so far to refuse to sleep sometimes and clinging onto your womb to not miss anything his sister does.

,,Ohhh," his stunned voice breaks the silence, his eyes going wide as he feels his sibling moving. You laugh at his reaction, one hand pushing his soft hair from his forehead.

When you attempt to sit him back into his baby chair, he whines in displeasure, putting pressure on your stomach with his small hands. You sigh in defeat, not wanting to make him sad because you don't let him rub your belly.

For a few seconds you let him be, granting him the glee he earns from being the closest as possible as he is able to be with his sister. The way Jihoons whole focus is solely fixated on his baby sister makes your heart swell in pure fondness. He couldn't wait for her birth just like Jimin and you.

You don't forget to feed him though. You grab a spoonful of Jihoon's porridge behind him and hold the spoon in front of his lips, waiting for him to open his tiny plump lips - that he definitely got from his dad - but his eyes are remain on your bump, not caring about the food presented in front of him. You slightly raise your hips up, causing his body to bounce on your lap to draw his attention towards you - but nothing. Jihoon simply doesn't care.

,,Jihoon-ah," you scold him with a stern tone  since he's obviously ignoring you.

He looks up at you, with those big brown eyes and your heart lights up at his innocent face.

You hold the spoon closer to his mouth, but still, he doesn't attempt to part his lips, only backing away with his head.

,,No," he says and pushes your hand away with his much smaller hand. You quirk an eyebrow up at his behaviour.

You don't get to berate him again, when you hear the door opening and then closing shut again. You both immediately get excited - well, your excitement isn't really shown outside compared to Jihoon, who seeks to get off your lap and eagerly wants to rush off to his dad. His feet slowly sink down to the floor with your protecting hands around his little body and then his chubby legs sprint to the hallway, desperately wanting to greet his dad.

You hope he won't fall, because that accident happened a lot of times already - always ending up with some sobbing, teary eyes and clinging onto either Jimin or you. Your little boy let his delight go too overboard sometimes and only reserved little care into his surroundings. You'd have to teach him to be more aware of that.

,,Hello little guy," you hear Jimin's voice echoing from the hall.

,,Daddy!" Jihoon exclaims, giggling afterwards because Jimin probably spooned him up and snuggled his face into Jihoon's neck.

You just sit there, a warm smile on your lips, and don't make an attempt to get up to greet your husband too, because your feet are killing you today.

A few seconds later, Jimin enters the kitchen with Jihoon in his arms. Jihoon wrapped his arms and leg around Jimin's upper body, like a little koala bear and you chuckle at that sight. Jimin tilts his head down and places a tender kiss to your lips.

Even though Jimin was only away for 3 hours - because he had some meeting at the company - you missed his presence at home. And I seems like your not the only one who missed him, since Jihoon is practically glued to his daddys body.

,,You three are good?" Jimin asks, taking a seat beside you, while rubbing your belly in soft strokes.

,,We're all fine.", you assure him with a sincere smile. Jimin kisses you again. You just look so adorable right now.

You look at the back of Jihoon's head. Jimin's hand is placed on his back to hold him closely.

,,But Jihoonie still has to eat, right?" you say and look expectantly at his back, waiting for a reaction to your words. Jimin's gaze shoot to Jihoon's - still full - bowl and frowns.

Jihoon wiggles his body and then muffles a tiny 'No' into Jimins shoulder.

Jimin chuckles but then quickly asks ,,What's the matter, baby?" He softly nudges Jihoons head with his shoulder, wanting to see his face. Jihoon looks up to his dad, his lips forming a little pout.

,,You're shirt is stained with his food.", you giggle, after seeing the mess that Jihoons bib caused on Jimin dark shirt. He peers his eyes to the stain but doesn't say anything to that. Jimin and you were already used to dirty clothes since your little boy couldn't stop creating a mess every five minutes.

,,How come you don't want to eat anymore when it seems like you apparently enjoyed it?" Jimin asks the little boy.

You sigh and stand up. Jihoon needs to eat something and if he won't continue eating this meal, then you're going to cook something else. He was already fussy when you sat him down on the baby chair earlier and you don't want to deal with whines if your going to resist on making him eat that food.

You groan slightly when your feet carries your whole body weight and instantly place your hand on your side to steady yourself. Your bump got really big.

,,No, no, baby. I've got this, sit down. I can cook something for him," Jimin says, standing up with Jihoon in his arms and puts a hand on your shoulder. You look up at him, wanting to say that it's okay, but he's faster.

,,Your feet hurt, right? Let me run you a bath, love," he says, putting Jihoon on his baby chair and whispering ,,Wait for daddy, okay?" Jimin places a quick kiss on his head. Then he bends down a bit and you feel one of his hand on the back of your knees.

,,I can walk Jimin, don't carry me," you retort, your weight making you a little insecure. Of course he doesn't listen to you and in one swift motion your in his arms. He naturally watched out not to discomfort you or the baby, while proceeding to lifting you in his arms. You hear Jihoon giggling behind you, entertained by the sight of his mommy getting carried by his daddy like a baby.

,,Your dad is so strong, Jihoonie," Jimin calls out while walking to the bathroom.

Jihoon only laughs more at that comment yelling a ,,Me too!"

,,You're saying I'm fat?" you ask hurt, swatting his chest.

,,No, no! Of course you're not fat, baby. I'm just playing with Jihoonie," he panics, looking worried and concerned, because he knows that your hormones are getting the better hand of you these days. But it weren't your hormones this time. You almost laugh at his panicked face, but you decide to hold it in and not try to sooth him. Maybe you just have a little demon inside you that likes teasing Jimin, but you think it's fine for all those times he used to tease you for something.

,,You better be," you mutter and feel his lips pressing a soft kiss on your cheek.

He slowly lets you slide of his hold and you sit on the closed toilet lid, watching him as he runs water into the tub. Jimin tests the temperature of the water and hums quietly when he is satisfied with it. Then he puts some liquid inside to create bubbles and a delicious smell.

,,No bath bombs this time, I have to buy some again," Jimin says and you only nod. The fact that he even noticed that there were no bath bombs left made you want to cry. Maybe now the hormones were actually kicking in.

,,Thank you," you answer, never missing a chance to thank him for his care and thoughtfulness he's showing every day.

Jimin turns around, a lovely smile already tugging at his lips and widening once he takes me into sight.

,,You need me to help you?" he asks carefully. You shake your head as an answer.

,,No, go and feed Jihoon, your mini-me is starving," you reply. Jimin rolls his eyes at your exaggeration.

,,My mini-me is not starving," he makes clear and his eyes soften at the cute nickname you both - actually you - created for your little baby boy. Jihoon has so many of Jimins features- his nose, his lips and his eye colour are just like Jimins. You both always said how you wanted tiny replications of both of you running around the house once you'd get married, but now that it actually happened, it's scary how a tiny Jimin waddles though the house, always giggling after he'd done something he'd surely wasn't allowed to do.

,,Mommy!", Jihoon exclaims in that moment and you raise a brow up.

,,Hurry up, he's waiting," you say, swaying both your hands to shoo him away.

,,He just yelled your name. Shouldn't I be the one he's missing after coming home from a meeting?", he pouts, but doesn't wait for an answer as he leaves the bathroom.

You smile at his question. Suddenly you feel the need to snuggle your little Jihoon in your arms since he shouted your name, because he's alone, but you have to take a little break from today and his daddy is on his way to him anyway.

,,Daddy's coming!", you hear Jimin shout and you start discarding your clothes on the floor.

,,No, want mommy!", Jihoon yells back and you start laughing.

Apparently Jihoon wasn't satisfied with anything he got today.

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[keijislove]

Hi babe! I was wondering if I could request a Tony Stark x daughter reader? With lots of angst and her being locked in her room because she’s being bullied for her darker skin

(I understand if you’re not comfortable with this)

Safe Place: Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader

I think this turned out a bit longer than I expected.

Sorry :(

I hope you like this, I don’t really have a lot of experience with this matter, so I hope I captured the emotions right!

I AM APOLOGISING IN ADVANCE, THE HURTFUL COMMENTS MENTIONED HERE ARE NOT ONES I WOULD EVER USE IN MY LIFETIME.

GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE – YOU DON’T NEED DIMWITS LIKE RACISTS TO DEFINE BEAUTY. YOU WANT THE DEFINITION OF BEAUTY, GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

PUT A STOP TO RACISM.

WARNINGS: Slight EXTREMELY racial comments, mentions of death, toxic relationship, angst, Tony being a little... well, Tony.

Being Tony Stark’s daughter was nearly everyone’s dream. Well, everyone you’d come across at school, anyway. It seemed rational from their point of view – big house, big bedroom, expensive branded clothing, basically an overall exquisite lifestyle coupled with fame of being his daughter which was sure to earn popularity points anywhere and everywhere. A man rolling in that amount of money would make a great dad... right?

You thought differently. Which was one of the main reasons you did not tell anyone who your father really was and your teachers understood your predicament and played along to your story of being an ordinary girl with no scope for coolness whatsoever.

Your mother had met your father a long, long time ago – when Tony was still in university. Of course, he’d left her before he even knew she was pregnant, and they never saw each other again. You didn’t exactly love your life as his daughter. In fact, from what your mother had told you, he was (in your vision) a complete monster whom your mother had the sad misfortune to meet.

It was her untimely death that had forced you to go live with the man who was the reason you were born and the man who ruthlessly left your mother to fend for herself and a baby. You had tried for foster care, but the agents told you that your father was still alive and more than capable of taking care of you – being the famous Tony Stark and all.

So it would suffice to say that Tony was lowkey shocked when you turned up at his doorstep one day with a grudging expression and declarations of being his daughter. He actually didn’t believe you at first and asked you to piss off which confirmed your earlier assumptions about his character – asshole. After you’d snapped at him and showed him all the legal documentations stating that you two were blood-related as father-daughter after all, Tony was even more shocked than earlier.

Though he would rather die than admit it, he felt sad after seeing your fourteen-year-old self standing at his doorstep. He’d missed your birth, your first steps, your first words, he even missed helping you with homework in preschool – basically all precious moments you enjoy with a child. But you made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be here – something that made Tony’s already overlarge pride swell like a bullfrog and stopped him from ever getting close to you. While you were busy thinking he didn’t want you, you overlooked a small detail – he took you in.

If anyone had the power to bribe an adoption agency to get rid of their kid, it was Anthony Stark, yet he never gave you away. The simple explanation (that he would never, in a million years, admit it to you) was that he didn’t want to lose you – around the only blood-related family he had left.

And so began your life as Y/N Stark. It functioned surprisingly well for your expectations. Pepper was really nice to you and those few occasions when the Avengers came over, you were able to talk to Natasha about ‘girl things’, her presence reminding you of the mother you had lost only too young. You sometimes even asked Bruce for help with homework, too proud yourself to go to Tony. Overall, you stayed out of his way while he stayed out of yours – an arrangement you were both satisfied with.

The worst part was that you never talked. Ever. You would wake up and walk to school, refusing Jarvis’ continued protests of letting you use the self-driving car, came home the same way where you did your homework and grabbed a snack before you ‘father’ came back upstairs from his little man cave in the basement and a small ‘good-evening’ passed between you two as you went your separate ways. This cycle repeated itself every day. Recently, your life at school hadn’t been going great.

You’d known that your skin tone was a notch darker than the others at your school – something you had gotten from your mother – and this was not something you really cared about. That’s when they started coming – the comments. What were originally small, snide retorts of ‘wash your face, ew!’ (A/N: I AM SO SORRY) had now escalated to them calling you obscene names you’d never heard before and asking you to leave ‘their’ school

Which was why, instead of being at school today, you were locked in your bedroom, sobbing into your pillow.

It had started out as a very unusual morning. After getting comments hurled at you left right and centre the previous day, you’d had enough. You’d woken up and declared to Jarvis that you were skipping school and he was to, under no circumstances, notify your father about this. After that you tried to eat some cereal, but the bubbling dread in your stomach made it taste like dry carpet, so you gave up and stomped into your room, locking the door before flinging yourself onto the bed and crying your heart out.

It was in times like these that you felt the need for something – a gaping hole in your chest. It seemed foolish to even admit it to yourself, but you really wanted someone like a parent. Someone who listened to your problems and comforted you accordingly, someone who actually cared about you. And since Tony Stark filled neither of these requirements, you gave up the foolish dream and sunk, once again, into your self-fashioned depths of misery.

-------

Tony casually sipped on his wine, putting one last screw into place to make the latest piece he was testing out. As he powered the device on, it vibrated for a moment before the words ‘model failed’ appeared on the screen Tony was examining.

He swore loudly and shoved it ungracefully aside before running his hands through his hair. There had been many an occasion where Tony seriously considered going to your room to just say something to you that wasn’t a monotonous ‘good evening’ or ‘the milk’s finished’ or something else like that. He wanted to talk to you. To you.

He wanted to get to know the real Y/N – what you were like when you weren’t too busy being bold and refusing to appear vulnerable. As if reading his thoughts, Jarvis’ voice filled the room suddenly.

“Sir, I do believe that Ms Stark is currently locked inside her bedroom. She refused to go to school just this morning.”

“What?” Tony exclaimed, “Why, did she tell you anything else?”

“Just this, Sir, along with a few obscene warnings of not informing you about this occurrence. If I recall correctly, Ms Stark told me she would rip out my sockets with her bare hands had I come to you.”

Ignoring the small smirk that was growing on his lips at the thought of you behaving exactly as he would, Tony wiped his tired hands on a nearby cloth before sprinting out the door and up the stairs to your bedroom.

He knocked on the door.

“Go away Pepper, not in the mood,” came your muffled voice. It was weak and raw – evidently, you had been crying.

Ignoring the poking feeling of dread bubbling in his stomach, Tony knocked again.

“Open up, kid, it’s me,” he shouted.

“Definitely not in the mood, thanks.”

Tony sighed. This was exactly what he had tried so hard to avoid –turning out like his own father. Not knowing how to deal with a daughter properly, he just let you go about your business as you wanted, hoping that it would yield better results than what his childhood had been like. Now, looking back at how much he’d neglected you, he suddenly realised that he had done the exact thing he was afraid of – hurt you.

“Y/N Y/M/N Stark, open the door. Please.”

Perhaps it was the please at the end or the way he acknowledged you as his living, breathing daughter for the first time that made you stagger limply over to the door and push it open.

Your eyes were puffy, red and swollen from bawling nonstop and your brows were knitted into a disapproving frown. It broke Tony’s heart to see you like this.

“Listening,” you sniffed, crossing your arms.

“Okay, why don’t you sit down,” Tony frowned slightly.

You gave another hearty sniff and led him to your bed where you flopped down and watched as he took a seat beside you.

You both sat in a very painful, deafening silence for the next few minutes.

“You didn’t go to school today,” Tony casually remarked as you played with your pillow, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I did,” you said simply.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Tony offered.

“I really don’t,” you admitted as he burst out laughing and you gave a grudging giggle despite yourself.

“Seriously, kid,” Tony said in an undertone, “You’ve gotta open up a bit more. I mean, it’s been like what, two years since you moved here and you never bother telling me what’s going on. And look where that got you – come on, tell me what’s going on. Is it school?”

“Partially,” you quietly said to which he cocked an eyebrow.

“Completely,” you amended, sighing, “Kids, you know, they’re just being – well, mean.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded slightly, “You want to talk about it?”

“They... they make fun of me,” you admitted, “About – about my skin colour and stuff. And I know I’m being stupid, getting upset over this –”

“It’s not stupid,” Tony broke in, “It’s not stupid at all. Nothing gives anyone a right to talk to you that way.”

“Try telling that to them!” you burst out, final letting go of the pent-up emotions you’d been holding for days, “What did I ever do to them – it’s not my fault I look like this, maybe if I could choose what to look like, I’d choose something they want! Just about everyone seems to have a problem – what the hell do they expect me to do? It’s unjust, unfair, unsettling and unkind, but of course they don’t care, do they?!”

Tony didn’t even flinch throughout your entire outburst until you broke down and tears began rapidly pouring out of your eyes once more.

“Hey, hey, stop, listen to me,” Tony sternly said, seizing your shoulders and turning you to face him.

“You’re a Stark,” he said, gazing you dead in the eyes, “You are beautiful, you’re smart and you’re kind. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

This was too much for you to handle and you started sobbing again – sobs of partial happiness and partial guilt that didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon.

“Come here, kid,” was all Tony could say as he pulled you into a hug, allowing you to sob into his shirt while he stroked your hair, trying to calm you down.

“I’m sorry if I’ve ever been mean to you,” you whispered finally.

“It’s okay, kid,” Tony murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “I’m sorry I haven’t been a great father all this time.”

You two sat in a now comfortable silence, occasionally clearing your throats or sniffling a bit before Tony finally spoke.

“If anyone says that to you again, I will have them cut up and fed to the fish in my house in Malibu.”

“Thanks, dad.”

[realcube]

The Maid Café || Saiki K x Reader

summary: nendou and kaidou keep pestering saiki to visit their favourite maid café but he shuts them down every time. however, after a bit of prying they manage to convince him to give the place a try and while they are there, you just so happen to be on shift. 

tw// cussing, maid café, (she/her) reader

key:

“non italicised text” = somebody besides Saiki speaking

“italicised text” = Saiki telepathically communicating

‘italised text’ = Saiki’s thought

‘Of course Nendou and Kaidou would be into maid cafés of all things — not cat cafés, not internet cafés — it just had to be maid cafés.’  

Saiki’s internal monologue began as Kaidou continued gushing on about the cute lady he met at the café a few days ago as an argument to why Saiki should join them next time they go. Not to say Saiki wasn’t listening as he felt extremely sorry for whatever lady had to tolerate Kaidou’s advances and his prayer went out to her but besides that, he really couldn’t care less about the maids or the café. 

Until, his attention was involuntarily aroused at the vocalisation of his name from Nendou, “Saiki’s definitely in for Friday, I’m pretty sure I sold him when I told him that the sandwiches there are almost as good as the ramen we usually get.”

‘No, you didn’t. I won’t be coming to join you on Friday. I’d much rather stay--’ 

Somehow Kaidou managed to cut off Saiki’s internal monologue with his annoying voice, “Don’t be silly, Nendou. You’re not going to win Saiki over with such a ridiculous comparison, one that he clearly doesn’t care about.” 

‘Am I delusional? Is this a hallucination? Or did Kaidou just say something logical and based in reality?’

Kaidou’s aura immediately changed to dark and sinister as a mischievous smirk crossed his face, the background squawks of the crows suddenly became much louder for some unknown reason. “Instead, you must locate your opponent's weak point before you can recognise the crucially important moment to exploit it. The process takes patience but it is one I have learned from my many years rebelling against Dark Reunion. Now, young Nendou, watch and learn.” He finished with a dramatic flip of his school jacket which was slung over his shoulders as a cape.

‘What was all that about?’

Saiki wondered before Kaidou turned to him, much less brooding than he was a few seconds ago, and said casually, “Your loss if you don’t come, Saiki — you’ll be the one missing out on some of the best desserts in our whole town — not to mention the coffee jelly.”

✿✿✿✿✿

‘How do I always end up losing to these people? I am a psychic for god’s sake!’

Saiki mentally cursed himself out as he stood shamefully in front of the maid café, wearing a carefully curated outfit — including his germanium ring  — created especially to hide his identity from anyone from his school that might pass by the café and spot him in there through the window or something. Honestly, he wouldn’t be caught dead in a maid café, or so he thought.

However, all the reviews he read along with both Nendou and Kaidou’s thoughts helped him conclude that this place’s coffee jelly and general dessert selection is nothing to sneeze at. In fact, his favourite Tumblr blog - DeadlyDesserts11037 - visited the place and gave it a 5 star review, recommending everybody who happens to pass by the town to definitely check the place out. After that, he was sold.

Saiki looked over at his friends and couldn’t help but facepalm in response to their bright red, thrilled expressions. “Good grief, please don’t tell me you are both that excited over ladies in maid outfits.” As you might’ve guessed, Saiki didn’t really understand the concept of a ‘maid café’, so he simply assumed the male obsession with maids had something to do with the objectification of women hence he obviously did not want to take part.

“Saiki, you’re seriously just built different if this doesn’t touch your soul.” They both brushed the pink-haired boy’s comment off, completely mesmerised by the sight of a particularly pretty maid-lady walking by the window — probably on her way to serve a table — carrying a notepad in one hand and a plate with a scrumptious-looking coffee jelly on top. 

Saiki followed their gaze, his breath hitching at the sight. He was speechless; no sarcastic comment, no running commentary, nothing. Just..woah! If he had known that the girls that work at this place were so gorgeous and the food looked so delicious, he would’ve came a long time ago.

He wasn’t even sure which one he wanted more; the girl or the jelly. In a way, one wasn’t complete without the other because the coffee jelly which she held high next to her head brought out her (E/C) eyes while her shapely figure highlighted the defined curves of the jelly. Drool was quick to start forming at the corners of his lips but he was even quicker to wipe it away; he was starving.

“We’re going in.”

✿✿✿✿✿

To Saiki’s dismay, it was not the stunning (H/C)-haired girl who he had caught a glimpse of through the glass that ushered them to their table. Rather, it was a slightly less gorgeous maid-lady who had long, bright purple hair which was clearly a wig. 

Fortunately for him, after she left Kadiou, Nendou and himself to take their seats, she rushed off saying that someone will come take their orders whenever they are ready.

Even with his psychic abilities, there wasn’t much he could think of to alter fate so the pretty coffee-jelly lady would end up serving their table, and besides that, he was way too caught up in gawking at all the mouth-watering desserts they had pictured on the menu. 

Simply glancing over the menu brought a stupid grin to his face, he wanted to try every delectable treat presented in front of him. However, he knew he must exhibit restraint, which was fairly simple as he knew deep down there was only one thing on the menu that he was truly after. You guessed it  — coffee jelly.

Usually, he couldn’t care less about what his friends comrades were going to order but in this case, he was tempted to try convince both Kaidou and Nendou to order something he liked so he could take a bite of whatever they were having, “What are you two going to order?”

Yet again though, he was ignored as Nendou and Kaidou were both too busy checking out other types of snacks to care about the ones on the menu. 

Then, a movement out of the corner of his eyes caught his attention so his head jolted from the menu to his new target, the beautiful girl he had saw through the window earlier. Previously, she was holding a coffee jelly but now she was basically empty handed, until she approached the table and pulled out a notepad and pen, “May I take your orders?” She asked in the most calming, melodious voice Saiki had ever heard, the sounds that left her mouth were nothing short of angelic. Which made sense since her serving their table must’ve been god’s gift to Saiki for all his hard work.

Chills, Saiki got literal chills before he mused, “A coffee jelly, and two brownies for the pair of clowns.” His blood ran cold; curse his smooth sarcastic comments! Most of the time, he was able to filter himself but due to the nerves that arose while talking to you, he probably shouldn’t be surprised that he had a little slip of the tongue. But now, you probably think he is a bitch that insults people on the regular; which he is, but not usually aloud! Plus, he couldn’t even tell what you were thinking due to his germanium ring and your distant expression, awful combo!

While he was in the middle of feeling bad for himself and considering teleporting away home, a miracle happened, you burst out laughing. And somehow, your laughter was even more silvery than your voice. 

Saiki had zoned-out from pure shock for a moment before coming back to reality, noticing that you had started jotting down something in your notepad, a sweet smile still lingering on your face despite the fact you had stopped laughing. “Alright, so one coffee jelly and two brownies. Anything else?” You asked, glancing back and forth between the three equally unique and strange men sitting at the table. 

“That’ll be all, thank you.” Saiki telepathically communicated as he usually did, considering actually using his mouth to speak for a change so he didn’t seem weird but in all honesty, he couldn’t be bothered. In any other situation, he would’ve gotten a drink of water or perhaps hot cocoa but right now he was way too afraid of making another error in his speech to request something else. 

Silently, he extended his arm to hand you the menu he was given when he entered the café, along with the ones Kaidou and Nendou were given too. His actions single-handedly shooting down your plan of leaning across the table to ‘take the menus’ but in reality it is just a subtle way of showing-off how nice your torso looked in this maid outfit, a trick you learned from your supervisor. 

You nodded, closing over your notepad and making your way over to the kitchen, being sure to swing your hips just a little bit extra to impress the pink-haired megane at the table you just took an order from. You mentally cursed your stupid brain though for always crushing on guys/gals who don’t seem the least bit interested in you. In this case, the guy’s attention was divided between his star-struck friends and the desserts on the menu, rather than you which was an unusual sight in a maid café considering that most people would only come to ogle at the waitresses. 

✿✿✿✿✿

“So, Saiki.” Kaidou finally landed back into reality after a large chunk of the waitresses roaming around were now in the kitchen which he didn’t have viewing access to, “What did you order us?”

‘So, he was fully aware that the waitress came to take his order, he just chose to ignore her and left me to order his food. What a child, it must be a side-effect of his eighth grade syndrome.’

Saiki couldn’t help but sigh, “I ordered you both brownies.”

Kaidou stuck out his bottom lip to form a pout as he crossed his arm over his chest like a toddler, “I hate brownies.” He muttered to himself, realising that if he wanted something done right, he’d have to do it himself.

An amused smirk tugged at Saiki’s lips but he resisted the urge to laugh, ‘I know.’ He thought, his masterplan to eat more food without looking greedy falling into place. “Oh well, more for me then.”

Suddenly, Nendou spun his head around to abruptly join the conversation, “Hey guys, did you see the hottie that was serving our table?” He inquired with starry eyes, as if he was a kid in a candy store.

Saiki nodded, ‘Obviously I did, you moron. I was the one who ordered the food for goodness’ sake!’

Kaidou shook his head, his eyes lighting up as he leaned in close to Nendou, “Nope! I was busy looking at the other girls, but tell us!” 

Nendou chuckled at Kaidou’s enthusiastic reaction before glancing to the side, outstretching his arm and pointing at the waitress that was now approaching the table with the food in her hands. “There she is!”

‘Don’t point at her, you idiot!’ Saiki mentally insulted his friend but instinctively followed the guidance of the tip of his finger until his eyes landed on your shapely figure — accentuated by the nature of the maid outfit  — slowly heading toward his table, holding the coffee jelly and the plate of brownies in the same graceful way you did when he saw you through the window. 

The gleam of your gorgeous hair, the movement of your luscious lashes, the gentle bounce of your upper body, how your perfectly manicured nails clutched the base of the jelly glass; everything about what he was seeing made him believe that if/when he were to die, this would be his ideal first sight as he passed through the gates of heaven. 

Before he knew it, you had reached the table and placed his jelly down on the table, gently nudging it towards him, “One coffee jelly for the cute boy with antennas.” You mused, making Saiki’s heart flutter in a way he was unfamiliar with. Then, you placed the brownies in front of Kaidou and Nednou who sat opposite from Saiki, “And two brownies for the clowns.” 

If it wasn’t for the fact the pair of clowns were too busy leching over you in your maid outfit, they’d probably be curious as to your choice of words but luckily for both you and Saiki, they were way to entranced by your visible bra strap to care about the little nickname.

Saiki felt a light blush creep onto his face, which only got worse as you discretely sent him a playful wink before turning on your heels to stroll back to the kitchen, “If you need anything else, just give me a wave.” 

All of them hummed agreement in unison until the waitress was out of sight, giving Saiki a moment to process the events that had just went down. Not only did you refer to him as ‘the cute boy with antennas’ but you also winked at him, if that wasn’t a clear sign you were interested, what was? However, Saiki still had his doubts since this was a maid café after all, perhaps you were just trained to do that with all your customers.

Luckily, the had the foresight to slip off his germanium ring to read your mind and that helped him come to the conclusion that you were either interested in him or you were just very competitive as the whole time you were serving the table your thoughts were along the lines of;

‘I’ll adjust my skirt- Ha! You looked! Try resist falling for me now, you hot lil’ megane! Your heart is mine and I know it! See, I’ll fidget with my corset too-- just make a move already, pinkie!’

Although he didn’t appreciate being called ‘pinkie’, he had no right to judge what was going on in your brain. All he could do is be thankful that you didn’t say that aloud.

✿✿✿✿✿

You sighed as you noticed the pink-haired boy and his little posy exit the establishment without so much as a goodbye, or even a wave! 

It was disappointing as you had already mentally planned your future with this guy and he had the audacity to do the real life equivalent of leaving you on read. But oh well, it would be approximately a week until you developed a crush on a random customer that lasts for around 30 minutes and for the time being, you can focus on doing your job.

You glumly shuffled over to their table to gather their plates to be washed, then a piece of colourful paper attached to the empty jelly glass caught your eye. As you held up the glass to inspect it further, you realised that it was a sticky note with a message written on it in black ink and neat, cursive handwriting. It read:

‘Dearest waitress,

Thank you for the excellent service, we (myself) tipped accordingly.’

You hadn’t finished reading yet but you were curious as to what he meant by that, and apparently you service must’ve been exceptional as the writer had left a whole ¥2000 tip. That’s a huge addition to the demonia fund.  

Followed by this charming little message was an extra tip for you; the writer’s phone number! Meaning that this little sticky note was something you had to protect with your life..so you shoved it in your bra for safe-keeping. 

But not before taking a moment to giggle with delight at who the note was signed by, 

‘Sincerely, the hot lil’ megane (aka Kusuo Saiki)’ 

[maboroshi-no]

Hamefura LN11 - Katarina’s post-confession talk with Geordo

Hello! 

This is not a scanlation, but as I was reading Volume 11 of the Hamefura light novel, I felt the need to translate the scenes where Katarina decides to give respectively Geordo and Keith some kind of reply in regards to their previous love confessions.

So first, Geordo’s ! Enjoy!

Context: 

Katarina had a talk with her father the previous day. He advised her to figure out her feelings sooner rather later, else she might realize one day she has already lost the one she loves.

Katarina and Maria had been summoned by the King who wanted to tell them about the succession struggle which occured when the previous king died, and how dark magic had been leaked then

Before meeting the king, Katarina had met a gorgeous blond young man at the shut-in uncle building, who told her she is a horrible person who toys with Geordo’s feelings. Katarina wonders if he might be the shut-in uncle.

After they meet the King, Geordo and Alan met up with Katarina and Maria. 

Geordo and Alan were worried Katarina and Maria might despise them after hearing about what their relatives did. They felt relieved when Katarina and Maria told them they don’t think of them differently

While they escort them to their carriage back, Geordo tells Katarina she has forgotten her bag (which contained the Dark Covenant), so the two of them returns to the parlor to retrieve it.

Katarina’s POV

Katarina: "Thank goodness my bag is here! Thank you for coming with me, Prince Geordo."

I said this after taking back my bag . Prince Geordo smiled, and

Geordo: "No, it's quite alright. I did it on purpose, so please think nothing of it."

he said. Huh? "He did it on purpose?" But what? Looking at my confused face, Geordo made a suggestive smile.

Geordo: "Actually, I realized when we left the room that you were not carrying your bag, but since I wanted to have some alone time with you, I pretended I didn't notice."

I can't believe it! What a schemer! I was taken aback and then Geordo continued. 

Geordo: "*chuckle*. I would also like to thank you once again for the words you said earlier. Since it was you, Katarina, I thought things would probably be alright even after you learn about the royal family's unsightly struggle, but hearing such gracious words really made me happy.

As he said this, his smiling face looked truly happy, which left me dumbfounded. Oh, so that's why! He just wanted to thank me once more! This is what I thought, but

Geordo: "Really, I fell in love with you all over again."

As he said this, he smoothly grabbed my back and stared directly into my eyes.

Katarina: "Eh?!!"

I involuntarily let out a weird yell but Geordo ignored my reaction and with his dazzling prince's smile,

Geordo: "My fiancée is the best! I want to hurry up and marry her!"

This is what he said. I could feel the temperature rising on my face at once. At the same time, what Father told me the other day popped into my head: "Supposing that in the future Prince Geordo really ends up being the one you love, if you keep delaying your marriage then he might break off the engagement in the meanwhile and marry another person. This is even more true since Prince Geordo has to uphold his position as a royal.", "You may lose the one you love while you are still figuring out your own feelings, so you should give it some serious thought so that it won't happen." I couldn't figure out my feelings... But I...

Katarina: "Umm, Prince Geordo, I..."

As I got flustered, I opened my mouth to say something and...

Geordo: "Are you scared?"

he said.

Katarina: "Huh?"

As I stared back at him in shock, his face didn't show his princely smile from earlier anymore, but an expression which looked somewhat painful.

Geordo: "Are you really scared when I approach you like this? I didn't notice it at first but since you shrivel more and more as I approach you, I started to think that maybe you are terrified of me. Am I wrong?"

I was lost for words as the "terrified" word stuck deeply into my heart. From my reaction,

Geordo: "Based on your reaction, I guess I was right. So you have been scared of me approaching you. I am sorry for not realizing it until now.

As he said this, he looked like he was about to cry. Looking at Geordo, this time it was the words of the young man I met earlier that crossed my mind.

Young man / Uncle Stuart?: "Even though he is begging for your love, you always ignore it, hurting him without even knowing it. You are the worst."

He is right. This can't go on like this. I readied myself and said:

Katarina: "Umm, no that's not it. Well, no, you are kinda not completely wrong... The thing is... I am not scared of you approaching me, I..."

For the first time, I expressed in words the feeling that I had buried deep inside my heart all this time.

Katarina: "I am scared of falling in love."

Geordo opened his eyes wide out of shock. Well, that's a given. Of course he would be shocked hearing such a puzzling answer. But this is the truth which has been inside me. At 8 years old, I regained the memories of my past life and soon after, I realized that I was inside an otome game and that I was the villainess in it. And also that my future was filled with doom flags. Katarina's doom was caused by her love for the prince. Seeing the prince she loved falling for another woman (the protagonist), she became jealous, engaged in cruel harassment and doomed herself. After realizing this, this is what I thought. Katarina's love led her to her doom. That's why Katarina must never fall in love. If she falls in love, she may become mad. And then this would be the end. Even while I was completely unaware of it, this feeling had always been deep inside my heart, and because I could not allow myself to be affected by love, I kept away from it. I, no, Katarina Claes can support the love of others, but she will never fall in love herself. She must not. This is how I had been doing, and then Geordo suddenly confessed to me. The prince I had been yearning for before I regained my memories confessed to me. But this feeling, "Katarina must not fall in love. She will be doomed if she falls in love.", had always been deep inside my heart and so I completely dismissed Geordo's feelings. That is why I unconsciously chased away from the corner of my mind the feelings that he had finally confessed to me. And then before I knew it, I forgot about it. I was scared of it. Falling in love, that is. And because of this, I made Geordo sad. It is just like that young man said. I am truly the worst. I must precisely tell him my feelings. I will not run away anymore. This was the first time I saw Geordo with a hurt expression like this, like he is about to cry. Looking at him I hardened my resolve. I picked the words to face the person who went to great trouble to confess his feelings to me.

Katarina: "I have always thought I might be doomed if I fall in love."

Geordo made a puzzled face, but still kept quiet and listened.

Katarina: "This is still true even now. I am scared of falling in love. That's why I couldn't face your feelings and ended up chasing them from the corner of my mind. I am really sorry."

Since I couldn't tell him about the otome game, the content of my explanation was filled with vague terms and I even thought "What is that supposed to mean?!". Even so,

 Geordo: "Thank you for telling me, Katarina. I feel relieved knowing you are not scared of me."

 he said, smiling at me gently, so I felt relieved.

 Geordo: "But the fact that you are scared of love is quite troublesome."

 He was right. "Katarina's love is a scary thing which is connected to her doom". While holding this feeling all this time, I didn't want to recognize this weak part of me and pretended I didn't see it. I did this unconsciously. That's why, even after Father asked me to seriously think about it, my fear took precedence and I delayed the task. But thanks to Geordo I have now fully realized it, so I want to change.

Katarina: "Until now, I had locked my fear in my heart and pretended I didn't see it. But I won't do this anymore. I will properly face my feelings... And then I'll do all I can so that I can face your feelings too, Prince Geordo.

As I said this, Geordo was beaming with happiness. As for me, whom he was looking at, I was now feeling embarrassed. I ended up feeling bashful and then I realized something. I declared I would properly face my own feelings, which is great and all, but then I remembered that right now, I had my doom in sight. The doom I am met with in the FL2 game. If I get doomed, I won't be able to face my feelings. Or more precisely, if things don't go well, I will just disappear from this world. Even at my best, I am the kind of person who can do only one thing at a time. Right now, I won't be able to face my fear of love upfront. 

Katarina: "Umm, Prince Geordo, even though I just said I would face my feelings, I am actually facing some serious trouble right now, and it is only after I overcome them that I will be able to seriously get down to it, so..."

Suddenly taking back my words after making him this happy made me feel terrible, but after I said this, Geordo smiled.

Geordo: "Oh, that's right, you seemed somewhat uneasy since you joined the Ministry of Magic. I don't mind. I have waited all this time already, so a little more won't make a difference. So please rely on me whenever you are in trouble, okay?" 

 Hearing him say this, I felt relieved and thanked him. He had noticed the anxiety I felt since I joined the Ministry, along with my inner feelings. I was shocked. He was a bit off regarding my deeply hidden fear of love that, myself, wasn't aware of, but he still guessed right. It seems like, more than I thought, Geordo has always been watching me. He has always been by my side since I met him at 8 years old. One way or another, he has always helped me whenever I was in trouble. Even if I am now aware that I have been connecting love to my doom, I am still scared of love and I still don't understand it really well. But looking back, Geordo definitely is someone very precious to me. That's why, even if it is embarrassing, I want to tell him my honest feelings. I mustered all the courage I could and then said:

Katarina: "Umm... I am scared of love and I still don't understand this feeling very well, but your confession made me happy. I was really happy that someone as wonderful as you would tell me he loved me."

Handsome, brilliant, kind, reliable. There is no way I would not be happy if such a dreamy man confessed to me. That's right. At that time, when Prince Geordo confessed his feelings to me, I was actually happy. But my fear of anything related to love was stronger, so I immediately locked this feeling deep inside my heart. After I somehow managed to tell him this after all this time, I got so flustered that I dashed out of the parlor, leaving Geordo behind just like that. I want to do something about both my fear of love and this strange bashfulness that I feel because of my lack of immunity to love. My face is burning hot. It must be bright red right now. I ran full speed because I felt so embarrassed, and when I joined up with Maria and Alan, they thought my face was red because I ran. I was glad they did. "Where did Geordo go?" Alan asked me with a quizzical look, "It seems like some business came up", I lied. Right now, I was so embarrassed I couldn't see their faces really well. Finally, Maria and I left the castle and returned to the Ministry of Magic. The feelings that were deep inside my heart that I realized after Geordo pointed them out. I remembered that there was one more person whom I had to convey these feelings to. But I wonder if I'll be able to do it properly. With all the embarrassment I got today, I got a fever so high I could be bedridden.

Geordo POV

I, Geordo Stuart, was summoned by my father the King, Owen Stuart. He informed me that he would tell my fiancée, Katarina Claes, and the Wielder of Light, Maria Campbell, about the royals' unsightly succession struggle which took place in this castle before I was old enough to understand, how dark magic was used and leaked then, and how he would apologize to them as a royal from that time. It wasn't long ago since I heard, got shocked and felt ashamed as a royal about the details of how dark magic was leaked. Hearing this, I also felt terrible in regards to Katarina. I have admiration for my father as a king, I respect his attitude showing resolute fairness, and as a prince, I thought that what he is doing this time too is wonderful. But as simply "Geordo Stuart", my feelings over this were complicated. This is because, upon learning about the errors and the shame of the royals who are also my relatives, I thought Katarina would maybe hold me in contempt or give me a look full of mixed feelings. I had talked a little before to Katarina about the previous king and how there had been deaths occurring during the struggle. At that time too, I was afraid she would hold me in contempt, but with her straightforward eyes, Katarina told me: "You and the previous king are different people. Even knowing about the previous king doesn't change how you are in my eyes". I was so happy then. So things should probably be fine this time too. This is what I hoped. But would she really say the same thing even after hearing about these unsightly killings among relatives? If it were me, I am not sure I would be able to look at the relatives of the people who caused this struggle without holding it against them. As I thought this, my face naturally turned stiff. The time felt horribly long while the King was talking to them. And then, finally, I heard the King leaving. Right after, I and my younger brother Alan who, like me, had been waiting in the room, headed towards the room where Katarina and Maria were. I felt tense just knocking on the door. It was the first time that I felt like this. After hearing familiar voices from the inside of the room, I opened the door. When I entered the room, Katarina and Maria had their faces close, talking about something. They didn't seem to have realized right away that it was us when we entered, so when they saw our faces,

Katarina: "Prince Geordo! Prince Alan!"

Katarina shouted with a surprised face. I told the two of them with my usual smile the words that I had prepared. And then I did what I had to as a royal: I apologized to them for dark magic being leaked as a result of the unsightly struggle of my relatives. I couldn't allow this to end with only the King apologizing. My younger twin Alan also felt the same way. As both Alan and I lowered our heads, a dignified voice replied to us.

Katarina: "I accept your apology."

All while thinking it was extremely improper in such a situation to feel charmed by Katarina's resolute look, Alan and I both expressed our gratitude. And then, as "Geordo Stuart", I asked her a question I personally needed her to answer. 

Geordo: "And so, what do you think of us?"

Alan added to my words.

Alan: "You heard the story, right? That was some horrible stuff. Do you despise us now?"

Silence fell for a moment in the room. I couldn't see Katarina's face.

Katarina: "I already said this before when you told me about your grandfather, but the two of you and the royals who took part in this struggle are different people to begin with. My opinion of the two of you cannot possibly change after hearing this story. Besides, I know each of your personalities very well." 

Her answer was the same as back then. In her eyes that were looking straight at us, I couldn't see any falsehood, nor the contempt I was so worried about. Ah, Katarina really was the woman I imagined.

Maria: "I share the same opinion as Lady Katarina. Hearing this story didn't change my opinion of the two of you."

Maria, who was next to Katarina, also said this, which made me feel relieved once again. We thanked the two of them and told them their carriage back was ready. I escorted Katarina back for the first time in a while, and during that time I noticed she had forgotten the bag she was carrying. At first, I thought of telling her and picking it up myself, but then I reconsidered after this came to mind. If things went well, I could have a chance to be alone with Katarina. And then, things did go well, and my plan to be alone with Katarina succeeded. 

Katarina: "Thank goodness my bag is here! Thank you for coming with me, Prince Geordo."

Katarina picked up her bag, and as she innocently looked back at me, I smiled and

Geordo: "No, it's quite alright. I did it on purpose, so please think nothing of it."

As I said this, she looked extremely shocked. Katarina is so pure, she could have never expected this.

Geordo: "Actually, I realized when we left the room that you were not carrying your bag, but since I wanted to have some alone time with you, I pretended I didn't notice."

As I said this, smiling, Katarina froze up with her mouth agape. This face too was cute.

Geordo: "*chuckle*. I would also like to thank you once again for the words you said earlier. Since it was you, Katarina, I thought things would probably be alright even after you learn about the royal family's unsightly struggle, but hearing such gracious words really made me happy.

After I said this, Katarina's mouth was now closed and she seemed lost in thoughts. She was probably thinking I wanted to be alone with her only because I wanted to apologize. It would be troublesome if she thought that, so I continued with this.

Geordo: "Really, I fell in love with you all over again."

As I said this, I grabbed her back and stared directly into her aqua blue eyes.

Geordo: "My fiancée is the best! I want to hurry up and marry her!"

In front of me, Katarina was now bright red. It seems like I could properly convey my intentions, so I felt relieved. However,

Katarina: "Umm, Prince Geordo, I..."

I sensed "that sign" from the now flustered Katarina, which made me sad. And then I finally asked her about the thing that I had been worried about.

Geordo: "Are you scared?"

As I asked this, Katarina yelled "Huh?!" with a shocked face. 

Geordo: "Are you really scared when I approach you like this? I didn't notice it at first, but since you shrivel more and more as I approach you, I started to think that maybe you are terrified of me. Am I wrong?"

Since I confessed my feelings to her, Katarina would often stiffen up whenever I approached her. I was happy at first since I thought it meant she was now conscious of me, but lately I have the feeling that this stiffening withering condition is a manifestation of her fear. I couldn't accept a reality where the person I love the most in the world would be scared of me, so I always pretended I didn't notice it. And today I realized this was wrong. Even after hearing about this horrible story about my relatives, Katarina didn't look at me differently and wholeheartedly accepted it, like it was natural. So I want to properly accept her feelings too. Even if doing so would be oh, so painful to me. So I finally confronted her about what I have been averting my eyes from. I'll ask her myself and get hurt. And then, looking at Katarina who was lost for words, I knew my guess wasn't off, and I felt like my heart was torn to pieces. While I thought I might shamefully end up in tears, 

Geordo: "Based on your reaction, I guess I was right. So you have been scared of me approaching you. I am sorry for not realizing it until now.

As I said this, Katarina looked like she realized something and then said this.

Katarina: "Umm, no that's not it. Well, no, you are not completely wrong... The thing is... I am not scared of you approaching me, I..."

Katarina thought a little and...

Katarina: "I am scared of falling in love."

This is what she said. I was extremely shocked by this completely unexpected answer. She is afraid of falling in love? To begin with, I have never seen Katarina being scared. She has always been cheerful and bright, and acted like there wasn't anything she was afraid of. Besides, she reads romance novels and has been enjoying them. As a result, given she is dense whenever it comes to love, I just thought she was a late bloomer like her adopted younger brother. But it seems like it wasn't all there was to it. Katarina continued with a resolute face.

Katarina: "I have always thought I might be doomed if I fall in love."

"She will be doomed if she falls in love"? What kind of thinking process could result in such a conclusion? This is just so strange. However, since Katarina is making such a serious face, I kept silent and waited for the rest of the explanation. 

Katarina: "This is still true even now. I am scared of falling in love. That's why I couldn't face your feelings and ended up chasing them from the corner of my mind. I am really sorry."

As she said this, Katarina lowered her head. Honestly, I couldn't help wondering how she could reach such a conclusion, and there were also many points which bothered me, but even so, I felt deeply relieved.

 Geordo: "Thank you for telling me, Katarina. I feel relieved knowing you are not scared of me."

I felt something akin to despair when I thought she might be scared of me, but just knowing this was not the case greatly saved me. Still,

 Geordo: "But the fact that you are scared of love is quite troublesome."

 I am glad Katarina is not terrified of me, but I can't bring myself to approach her if she is scared of love like this. Katarina is really precious to me, so I don't want to scare her needlessly. As I tried to think of ways around this, Katarina said

Katarina: "Until now, I had locked my fear in my heart and pretended I didn't see it. But I won't do this anymore. I will properly face my feelings... And then I'll do all I can so that I can face your feelings too, Prince Geordo.

These were truly joyful words. A wide smile naturally formed on my face. My unrequited love started at childhood and lasted for so long, even though the one I love is my fiancée. I kept trying to convey my feelings, but they didn't reach her, and when I finally thought they did, she would just forget them. These had been such long days. She has finally said she would face my feelings and consider them. I have never been this happy in my life. I felt like I had finally been rewarded a little for keeping with this unrequited love. As I thought this, feeling deeply moved,  Katarina shyly said this:

Katarina: "Umm, Prince Geordo, even though I just said I would face my feelings, I am actually facing some serious trouble right now, and it is only after I overcome them that I will be able to seriously get down to it, so..."

Hearing these words, I remembered how Katarina seemed different after joining the Ministry of Magic. She seemed uneasy about something. I observed the same thing when we entered the Magic Academy. I noticed a long time ago that Katarina had some kind of secret she wouldn't talk to us about. Since she wouldn't talk about it, I pretended I didn't notice and just made sure she could feel at ease and that I could always help her if something happened. This time, I was glad that she talked about it for the first time. 

Geordo: "Oh, that's right, you seemed somewhat uneasy since you joined the Ministry of Magic. I don't mind. I have waited all this time already, so a little more won't make a difference. So please rely on me whenever you are in trouble, okay?" 

As I said this, smiling, Katarina looked relieved and thanked me. I have waited all this time already. A little more really won't make a difference. I was really happy I could hear about Katarina's real thoughts. As I felt a warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest, Katarina made a somewhat grim face. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but Katarina was faster.

Katarina: "Umm... I am scared of love and I still don't understand this feeling very well, but your confession made me happy. I was really happy that someone as wonderful as you would tell me he loved me."

Katarina said this, her face bright red, and then she ran and left the parlor, her face still red. I was left all alone... I remained here, unable to move. Katarina's words kept repeating in my head over and over again. My confession of love and my approaches made her stiffen up. There were days when I thought that this late blooming girl didn't really enjoy my approaches and that she may even find them bothersome. I realized that for her, my confession was "exciting, but not really something she was happy about". But then she said: "I was really happy that someone as wonderful as you would tell me he loved me.". As I muttered to myself that I needed to confirm that the words from earlier were not a figment of my imagination, my body suddenly became hot. Right now, my face must probably be so red there could be steam coming out of it. I have always loved her. This special girl who changed my gray world. This fact never changed even while growing up, and being with her, I steadily felt so many emotions I didn't know before. Today, I realized for the first time that being overcome with extreme happiness would render me unable to move.