#and then come back online and also be able to know when to stop scrolling again idk big win for me personally

[linda-rose]

very excited to be back online and read so many of the insightful thoughts and jokes and reactions of ttpd on here and also scream about it myself as I continue to process it, but also, mostly logging off for the album release was literally the best decision I've ever made for me personally lmao

[genderlessghoul]

I've been wanting to do this post for a while now so here is EVERYTHING I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE GHOULS' IMPERA COSTUMES.

Buckle up because I have a LOT to say about those, this is gonna be a very long one.

The costumes were designed by B Åkerlund, a Swedish costume designer who's worked with Ghost since at least Meliora (that's as far back as I was willing to scroll on her Instagram page lol). B Åkerlund has also worked for many other musical artists such as Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Madonna, the Rolling Stones, Ozzy Osborne, Blink 182 and Hollywood Undead (information from her own website)

The masks were made by Bob Basset, a visual artists who works a lot with leather. I find his work fascinating, you can look him up on Instagram (nsfw warning, there's a few naked ladies).

Fun fact! The horns are real cow horns. That's the reason some of them have gold tips, to hide the imperfections that come with working with actual horns.

He does have a shop where he sells his items, there's a mask there very similar to the Impera ones. You can also buy Papa's batwings if you happen to have 2500$ lying around!

The jackets are made on the same model as one of Papa's. The back is decorated with a spine-like design made from leather and cording. It's adorned with a few of our classic Impera buttons. Some of the hems were left raw and some deliberate weathering was done to make it look old and worn.

Fun fact! The shoulder pieces are not sewn into the garment, I would assume for easier cleaning. I don't know if they're held by strong magnets or snap buttons.

The vest (my beloved ��) is made from flocked velvet in a paisley pattern, the front hems embellished with satin piping. It closes in the front with custom metal clasps that are riveted into the garment. The D parts are attached with what seems to me like wide elastic, which would lessen the pression on the clasps when moving around a lot. The back is made from two different types of fabric, I'd have to touch it to be able to tell you what they are. I assume the panels closer to the sides have some mild stretch to them. The top of the shoulders are decorated with Impera grucifix patches.

The shirts were not custom made for the ghouls, altho they were altered. The original shirt in the vintage painter linen shirt from Punk Rave and it is still being sold. Some of the cuffs were altered, removing the ruffles for some of the ghouls, but not all. They were removed for Dew, Mountain and Phantom, Aether's didn't have them either. As far as I can tell, all the ghoulettes still have them.

An unfinished piece of linen serves as an ascot, that piece is decorated with a metal devil skull. The colour of the skull doesn't appear to be consistent between each ghoul, Dew's looks gold almost bronze while Phantom's is a silver-like colour.

Another modification is the buttons, a small portion of them were removed in favor of our Impera buttons. Some of the ghouls have more buttons replaced than others, which is still a mystery to me.

The pants are called Jodhpurs, they were invented in the 1800s as horse riding pants. The wide part at the hips and thighs allowing for better movement. The ones the ghouls wear don't reach all the way to their ankles, they stop a bit past the calf muscle, hidden by the boots. (Yes, the ghouls are effectively wearing capri pants)

The boots are motorcycle riding boots, decorated by a grucifix. Like the shirt, they can still be bought online through the All American Boots website, altho the price tag is... Headache inducing to say the least.

The cape is a piece of costume that was only briefly worn on stage by the ghouls, Aurora being the only one who still wears one. I would assume it gets in the way of playing very easily. The cape itself is made of two fabrics, a light blue satin and a dark grey suede. The two pieces are not sewn together at the bottom, they move freely from each other. The cape is attached on the left shoulder with a harness piece that has one strap across the chest, decorated with a metal buckle, and one under the armpit.

Aight that's it for me, have a nice day byyyyye!!

[xhunnybeeex]

kinktober post 2

only 50 dollars an hour!

TW//: NSFW content, camboy/pornstar! Scott, phone-sex, paying for sex, innocent reader, dominate! Scott,

You snap back into the conversation your college friends were having, watching them laugh and point at their phones. “What? Sorry I zoned out.” you murmur. “You know Scott Barringer?-” your friend asks. “Yeah?” they all try to contain their laughter before explaining what you missed. “The guy has an Only Fans.” Once the words slip out your friends all continue dying laughing. You nervously chuckle, not seeing the big deal about the situation, times were tough for everyone in college, and he was a nice guy. You had him in your English class in your second year. 

“I paid for it and girl you gotta see-” your friend giggles. Before you can even say anything, her phone is in your hand and she's scrolling through photos of the man, exposed and on display. Your mouth becomes dry as you, not really by choice, look at picture after picture of his body. 

“Yeah apparently he also does some camboy shit for like 50 bucks an hour.” one of your friends adds “what a hoe.”  another snickers, taking back her phone. You nod along and continue dinner with your girlfriends. 

As you sit alone in your dorm room, you think about the pictures you saw. Photo after photo playing through your mind. Fuck it, you think. You search up the account on Only Fans, only to be left with no results. “Weird.” you shake off. 

“Listen if you're here to make fun of me you can keep your mouth shut.” Scott says as he continues to walk in the university hallway. You had seen him in the hallway and brought up the account. “No no it's not that at all.” you trot behind him. “I saw your account and i went to go see it again and i couldn't find it. The pictures were really good.” you admit. He stops walking away from you, turning to face you. “You think so?” he asks, seeming surprised. “Yeah.” you say awkwardly. “Well…..” he shoves his hands in his pockets and moves his body close to yours. “My chatroom is still open, only 50 dollars an hour, and you get me for whatever you want.” he whispers. your body is tense, unalive and still. “o-okay,” you stutter, not being able to conjure anything else out of your mouth. “okay.” he smiles. “9 o’clock, i'll be on. I hope to see you there.” a smirk is plastered on his face as he checks you up and down before turning his body around and continuing to walk in the direction he was headed. 

you shakily type in his username on your laptop once the time becomes nine. You notice he's already online and you start to get into the chat room quicker. The payment method comes onto your screen and you quickly type in your information. Once paid, a call flashes on your screen. Your palms sweat and you press the green button on the bottom left. 

When you see Scott on the screen, shirtless and sitting at his desk, your breath hitches and your eyes immediately wander towards his chest. “How are you?” he asks. “I uh i'm alright.” you manage to get out. He chuckles, being able to see your nerves. “Relax. There's no need to be all nervous.” he smiles. You nod and sit staring at your computer, not sure what you're supposed to be doing. “This is your first time doing this sort of thing isn't it?” he asks. You nod again sheepishly and he smiles at your innocence. “Why don’t I guide us through this then.” he says smoothly. You swallow hard and he takes that as a yes, knowing you're too nervous to make out words. 

“I'm gonna take my shorts off, and I want you to do the same.” he directs. You slowly obliged and slid your jeans down your thighs. “Pull your laptop down sweetheart, i wanna see too.” he smiles, pulling off his shorts and boxers. His cock is half hard as he sits back down in his desk chair, smirking as your lips part. You pull down your laptop screen, your blue lace panties being visible to Scott's view. His eyes darted around your thighs that were spread and layed over your calves as you blush at your camera. His hand moves to his length and he strokes himself as he watches you squirm. “Go on baby don't be shy.” he coos. 

Your hand snakes to your clothed clit and slowly circles the nub. You whine and your hips gently buck up to meet your fingers, your eyes glued to scott. “That’s it sweetheart, you got this.” he praises. “Can you pull off that shirt for me love?” he asks. You nod and pull your shirt over your head, your breasts falling out and onto display from your lack of a bra. His lips part and his hand quickens its pace. “God you're gorgeous.” he pants. 

Your fingers curl into your underwear, teasing your own folds and getting covered in slick. Scotts eyes are struck by you. He knows better than to ask too much of clients, but he can't help but want to see more of you. Hell to seeing you, he wants to be in you, tasting you, touching you. His other hand travels down to his balls, squeezing himself and groaning in pleasure. 

The sounds coming out of Scotts mouth feel like a reward. You enter a finger into yourself and whine at the small stretch. You quickly insert another, feeling needy and longing for more. Both you and Scott have your hands moving quickly and desperately. His whining and whimpers become louder and Scott and see your slick pooling out and covering your panties. His tip is a dark pink, spilling out precum and begging for release. 

“I'm gonna count to three, and when I get to three, I want you to come with me. I know your close baby.” he commands. You moan and nod desperately. He chuckles and begins counting. “One,... two,... three,....” the number is like a button was pressed, immediately hitting you with your orgasm. You moan loudly, cum dripping out of your folds and your eyes fixated on Scott, who has cum spurting out of his tip and covering his chest, moaning your name quietly, not really wanting you to hear him. Your fingers ride you out of your high and you eventually pull out your wet fingers and wipe them on your undies. You're panting and you wipe your sweat covered forehead and chuckle nervously. 

“You did amazing.” Scott compliments. “Why don’t I see you in person next time, free of charge.” 

AN::// HEY YALL!! Im so sorry this is so late. It’s lowkey so fucking rushed but take it or leave it. Please like if you enjoyed and let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from the current tag list. Love you all and ill see yall soon. -beee!

Tag list : @thesassypadawan @kirbie44danielle 

@niconico33333777  @heelvr78 @goldie-00 @anakinstwinklebunny @enchant5d @bxbyysstuff @quandoquires @starwalkertales @rxaddix2 @necromancerrrs @s1aywalker @stephennglass @s1ck-skv1l @jyinnc @pxscalsofia

[littlest-bugz]

The Collective You

[one system's brief advice about accepting the idea of the collective you]

One of the best pieces of system advice started from a tumblr post and was elaborated by my DID specialist. I can't find the original tumblr post that started it, so I'm making a little post of my own <3 Share the knowledge. and also hope that someone can link the original post lol.

When I was REALLY going through it™ with my first diagnosis w/ DID, and a lack of integration, all of my alters felt like separate individuals, some of us feeling as distanced as a coworker or a stranger altogether. We were just getting a grasp on internal communication between all of our subsystems, and it was rough. We felt so entirely differentiated that we were our own people trapped in one body. While I don't really care about what language you use, all alters in CDDs are a part of one person [there's only one body and brain]- the collective you.

So obvs, I'm scrolling tumblr like the chronically online doomscroller that I am, and I see this post that goes along the line of not knowing who you are, but knowing you are 'you', regardless of who you are [referring to alters]. And it said something like "we're all me enough to pick up our meds"- something like that. iirc it was a half light hearted, half advice post, but that was really good advice for me. I kind of internalized it after I processed it in therapy. It's actually why I have started to love parts language lately tbh.

After further processing this idea in therapy, Identity Confusion stopped mattering in the grand scheme of things. I focused less on worrying about who I was, and just focused on the fact that I'm me. Just like the post I saw- We are all me. The example of all being me enough to pick up my medications just applied, like, everywhere. Even when it came down to the smallest things- with coping with other symptoms too.

Oh? I don't like coffee right now? I guess I should switch to something else. [differentiated alters]

Oh? I have barely any drawing skills right now? Okay, really sucks but I can work on something else and come back to it later. [skill variance between alters]

Oh? I have to go to a doctor's appointment? I know I'll forget that- Gotta write a list, and put it up on the board so I remember. [day to day amnesia]

You know what happened? My dissociation got better! Not immediately or entirely, obviously, and my memory [re amnesia] still sucks, but that's part of the disorder- plus other disorders that I have. This idea of the collective you is something that I think is really beneficial to all CDD systems, especially during the mid to later stages of recovery.

I, admittedly, credit most of my healing to conversations I have had with my DID specialist. Especially since, without her, I wouldn't have been able to process this idea of the collective me further, but the conversation wouldn't have been started if I hadn't seen that post on tumblr. This was a budding concept with us due to the separation we had. It helped with integration. GRANTED... Not every alter got the memo, obviously, but It's something that I'm still working on. Of course, being me comes with the prerequisite that I am a person with DID, and that I am made up of multiple parts.

Now for the piece of advice I got from my therapist- Though it requires a certain level of knowledge of your own system, such as a list of alters and some identifying info [fav drinks, fav colors, those type of things]. Look at the list of your alters wherever it may be. Just whatever you use for logging your system members. Look for the commonalities between alters. There will be at least some commonalities.

For example; A good 45% of us like bunnies, 45% like cats, and 10% have a liking for other kinds of animals. Using this information, I can pretty much deduce that 1. the collective me loves animals and 2. the collective me likes cats and bunnies especially.

Another example; I looked through our simplyplural, which has a favorite color thing [in ours at least]. By looking through the list, I figured out 1. wow I like literally all colors- my fav color is rainbows and 2. I especially like pink and light blue.

More examples; the list.. THE LIST... I looked through it and saw that a good 90% of us like MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS- of varying flavors, but the common denominator was Ultra Strawberry Dreams, but all of us like [or tolerate] water as a preferred drink. From there I can come to the conclusion that I prefer water over anything else and that I have a problem with monster [being light hearted but I genuinely do].

I hope you get the idea I'm going for. I used this process for nearly every aspect of our collective identity, though some had to genuinely be voted on, such as our LGBTQIA+ labels [offline, we just call ourself queer, but that's.. aside the point LMAO].

Obviously, there are going to be outliers- Having DID comes with the fun [/s] aspect of alters being differentiated from each other in some capacity. Example for the monster energy one- We have a handful of alters that HATE energy drinks- even just fizzy drinks in general. There's one guy who will only drink Black Coffee and water- nothing else. He's the guy who is always hiding away our monsters in the way back of the fridge, but guess what!! He's me!! The part of me that doesn't want me to ruin my health over energy drinks. The part of me that knows I deserve better than my unhealthy habits.

Getting to know the collective you is just like learning about your system! It is not inherently different than figuring out what an alters dislikes or likes are. The idea of The Collective You shouldn't feel scary or anxiety inducing- if it is, you may want to confront those feelings with a therapist if you have access to one. Every CDD system is the collective [or, well, system] of one fragmented individual- That is a studied and objective fact. I wanted to give advice from one recovering system to another.

No, this will not work for everyone, every system is different, but I'm hoping this post finds the right audience in knowing that it's worth a shot to try this!

[docksidedoner]

rambling about my autistic top hat headcanon

i know people have a lot of headcanons about tugs characters; it should, by my blog, be no surprise which character i most often focus on.

at any rate, i wanted to talk about my autistic top hat headcanon specifically because i figure it’s probably the “deepest” headcanon i’ve got, and it means a lot to me! it’s all under the cut, so scroll at your leisure :^]

since tugs is set in the 1920s, i imagine that top hat’s whole fancy “moneyed” getup objectively lends itself to good first impressions, and that his “above his station” attire is a conscious choice due to a personal struggle with charisma and a desire to “make up” for what he lacks through his appearance.

i believe he would be rather awed by hercules, who seems to never be “out of place” in any way/able to glide by on his high charisma.

i think he’d also be very envious of/irritated at ten cents, who lacks hercules’ charisma but is still incredibly well-liked for his kind and selfless attitude.

somewhat linked to the previous point; he is relatively high-masking, and his haughty demeanour acts as a defense mechanism to try and stop people from catching his social slip-ups. in other words, “i can’t ruin things by accidentally being rude or arrogant if i act rude and arrogant all the time on purpose!”

i like to think that another part of it is him liking to be involved in workplace bickering. the guy loves drama, but also it’s a great conversation topic, and would especially be a goldmine for someone who struggles with them inherently.

i headcanon him to experience the symptoms of an SPD, particularly regarding noise, scent, and touch.

i know the canon implication is that he just values his image, but i particularly like to imagine that his scent and touch sensitivities are a part of what makes him detest garbage jobs so much.

i also like to think that star tries to avoid putting top hat on garbage detail, not necessarily because he knows the extent of the latter’s overwhelm, but simply because he knows that top hat will do a worse job because of it 😭

the noise part comes mostly from this cut line in the original “sunshine” drafts, which i think is very in-character for him:

he would be a big scheduler. the guy likes to prepare. even in canon he gets in a tizzy when things don’t go to plan (which they practically never do!)

just another reason i think he’d dislike garbage jobs. it’s just not what he normally does!

on account of him being a boat, he doesn’t necessarily “stim” in the way a regular neurodivergent person would. i do, however, want to believe that sometimes the raising of his neck is an unconscious act that tends to happen when he’s feeling some kind of strong emotion.

also, i see very few autistic people talk about it online… but speaking to oneself, especially about everyday things, is also a method by which autistic people stim! of course, the only reason he does it is because it’s… a children’s tv show, but he strikes me as a yapper who likes to talk through his tasks regardless.

this has nothing canonical to support it whatsoever, but i think that he’d do his very best to avoid intense overwhelm because it’d make him blow up and yell a lot. he’d probably be very ashamed of any outbursts he had and fear that they’d make him seem undignified.

he’s certainly the kind of guy who would bitch and moan incessantly in the hopes that it would get him out of an overwhelming situation quicker

in that vein, there’s probably been one or two incidents involving warrior or ten cents where he’s just absolutely flipped out for little discernable reason, purely because he just complained the way he regularly does over and over until “the straw broke the camel’s back” and he started having a breakdown. (if warrior or ten cents ever mentioned this to him he might die a little, so it’s probably a good thing that they’re too kind to ever bring it up!)

also this is something me and my friend were discussing, but based on the fact that he’s a railway tug i think he’d have an interest in trains and railway history.

probably owns 3-4 rather expensive model trains. he’s no hoarder, but he likes what he likes and takes good care of them.

he could probably talk for hours about it, although half the time i doubt he’d let himself. he would be nervous about “slipping”/getting too excited because he wouldn’t want to come across as undignified!

that’s mostly it— thanks for reading! if you have anything else to add please feel free to leave it in the comments or reblogs 🙏 i just really like this headcanon and wanted to share it lol.

[power-handmaiden]

what I want to (re?)gain from reading all these tinglers.

Long ass personal ramble below because this is my blog where I ramble about things now

I used to draw all the time and even longer ago I used to write and at some point I just stopped because I got hung up on whether I was "good" at these things things or whether it was a waste of my time creating such "trivial" things rather than art with "meaning" or maybe of I should be spending my time on more "useful" skills. Why write if you're just going to write gay fanfiction? But when I tried more "serious" things to "develop my skills" and also do things like proofread and edit, it just wasn't fun anymore and the hobby was dropped. Drawing lasted longer and I never dropped it so completely but I think smartphones put a damper on it. Once we all got little Google machines in our pockets I was never just out somewhere doodling freely, there was always the option to look up a reference, to draw the thing Correctly, and then time would pass where I was trying to find a picture of a ram's horns at just the right angle, and my number at the DMV would be called or whatever else I was waiting for would demand my attention and I would never even set my pencil to paper in these moments when I used to doodle.

I also felt like I could never express sexual ideas as much as I wanted to because of the "quality" of my work. Making "bad" art was one thing, everyone in the learning process does that, but sharing "bad" sexual art? Well, everyone on the internet forums I frequented was *justified* in reposting their art to mock them and linking to their online galleries for passersby to point and laugh personally, I thought at the time. How dare they be horny and express it in an appropriate adults-only space without mastering their craft first!

There's a lot holding me back. I deeply miss drawing and writing. I miss how freely I used to be able to just do them without the mental block telling me I need to run certain steps for Quality when I never did intend to do these creative things as a profession or anything?

Why is it so easy to sit down and "waste time" playing a video game or scrolling the internet, but so hard to spend the same amount of time drawing something for fun?

here's where Chuck Tingle comes in. He is someone who just DOES IT. This is the writing of someone who is not overthinking the process like I am when I become too paralyzed to create. And, I cannot stress this enough. IT'S SO GOOD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. So much fun, joyful art has come from a process that I had convinced myself was something to be reined in and feared. The free act of creation that I'd convinced myself was nothing if I didn't learn to refine it into something "respectable". Ideas that would definitely not have passed a committee vote but make the process of reading all these stories one after another so exciting.

Even when I hit the occasional one like today that doesn't hit well anymore, it's evidence of someone who was creating from the heart, in the moment. Weirdly, they make me feel that yearning even stronger, with the knowledge that I know I'll love future stories.

I still haven't gotten there yet but I hope the love I find in these stories eventually breaks down the mental walls I've built and makes me feel free again to DRAW SOME GODDAMN LESBIAN FURRIES.

[swordheld]

i have been scrolling through ur page and noticed that u tend to put long, thoughtful tags underneath nearly every post u reblog & i just thought that was very endearing since the general trend is short and concise. im not sure why i felt the need to write u and let u know, but i just felt very compelled to. pls never stop being u.

this is so very sweet of you!! it's an old habit that i have held onto for the longest time, mostly due to the fact of tags being excellent for organization (my beloved) but also as a kind of extra space for whatever else you'd like to include without actually including it in the post when others share it for themselves! it's that perfect mixture of private n public.

for this blog specifically it's something that i enjoy since it's really an exercise or activity in enjoyment / enrichment? i like to think about why i was so inclined to reblog it, to pin it up to this lil space on the interwebs that's all my own. whether that's the colors, or the wording of things, or just what it makes me think about or feel, it's just a really lovely way of considering it all a little deeper!

which is not something that comes easy, or at minimal energy, sometimes! my likes are extensive (i keep attempting to clean them out and bring back my queueing system but we are up to 5k and i am very tired at the moment, lol) for that reason, and it's like a small goal to try to chip away at them over time, to see what treasure i can discover today.

alternatively, it's also a really nice near - time capsule of a thing; to be able to comb through my archive and see what has changed in my outlook, what sticks out to me now versus then, is really fascinating to see how far i've come and what's changed. there's something so lovely about time being instilled so deeply into this lil mini game of online scrapbooking that i adore; so i'm peached n overjoyed that you find some joy in it as well!!

this is all to say: thank you sm and i hope you try it out for yourself if it's something you think you might have fun with! let me know how it goes :)

[willalove75]

Fem!reader trying to figure out Rebecca’s love language by trying the five (doesn’t matter which one you choose to make her main love language) 💕

Love this idea!! Thanks for the request! 💕

"So, are you and Rebecca getting more serious?" Keeley asks with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know, I don't think so." You say as you scroll on your phone, the two of you having lunch in her new office.

"Why not?! You two have been together for months!"

You toss your phone onto the couch.

"Ugh, I don't know, I mean we get on really well, but I feel like there's something missing, but not like something's missing where it doesn't exist, I don't know." You sigh and lay back on the couch, cradling a pillow.

"Do you want it to get more serious? Or are you cool with this casual thing you've got going on?"

"I don't know, I mean, yes I'd love to get more serious with her, but, I also don't want to ruin what we have, you know? I haven't been able to connect with her on that deeper level yet I think."

"Well I've know you've both gone deeper in other ways!" She laughs.

"Keeley!!" You throw a pillow at her and laugh. "I'm serious! I really like her and I really want this to work." You bury your face into the pillow in your lap.

"Well do you know what her love language is?" She asks, you look up at her.

"No? I don't even know what that is."

"WHAT?! Oh my god come here we're gonna find out what yours is." She runs around to her desk and pulls up some online quiz.

You sit at her desk chair and look at her confused. Keeley explains the five love languages, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and gifts.

"Huh." You say and take the test, you immediately get your results and find out what yours are:

Words of Affirmation, 2. Physical Touch, 3. Quality Time, 4. Acts of Service, 5. Gifts.

"Yeah that makes sense." Keeley says looking at your results.

"I guess so, but how do I find out what hers are? Just make her take this quiz?"

"No! That's not romantic, you should try to figure them out, just go down the list and try them and see which one she responds best to!"

"If you say so." You say looking at the list. You're definitely nervous but wiling to try.

You head back to the office and think of what her love language might be. "Well, I think she likes getting things, so maybe gifts?" You think to yourself. You're going on a date with her later tonight so you pick up some flowers and head back to work.

You get home, get ready for you date and leave. You get to the restaurant before Rebecca and you decide to wait outside for her. Her car pulls up and she hands her keys to the valet and sees you.

"There you are." She says with a smile.

She walks up to you and looks down at the flowers.

"What are those?" She asks with a smile.

"I got you flowers," you say sheepishly. "I saw them and thought they were pretty and I decided to get them for you."

"Aw." She says and gives you a kiss. "Thank you."

You both head inside, sit down at the table and order.

"So, do you like getting gifts?" You ask, unsure if she really liked it or was just being nice.

She pauses for a moment. "Yeah, I mean I don't dislike it." She says but quickly follows up with "but I love the flowers, they're beautiful."

"I'm glad." You say with a smile.

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason, when I was buying them I realized I wasn't even sure if you liked getting stuff so I figured I'd ask." You say and take a sip of wine.

"Don't get me wrong, I like it, but Rupert would love bomb me with all of these lavish, expensive things all the time and after a while it stopped being special, especially since he would do it every time I thought he was cheating on me, which he was, but used that as a way to distract me. It got quite old fast."

"Aw, yeah that definitely takes the fun out of it." You say.

"Yeah, a bit."

Gifts were out, you decide to try out acts of service next.

A few weeks later you have your next date, Rebecca invites you over her house for dinner and you offer to cook. When dinner is finished she goes to clean the table.

"That was amazing, thank you so much for cooking." She says.

"Of course! I'm glad you liked it. Here, let me get that." You say getting up.

"No it's okay," she says with a smile.

"No really, it's okay I don't mind."

"But you cooked!"

"I know,"

"How about we clean up together then?" She suggests.

Knowing you won't win you agree. "Okay, fine."

There goes acts of service. Two down, three left.

You load the dishwasher as you look over at her wiping down the table. You lean against the counter and just watch her for a minute. Even doing something so mundane, she looks beautiful. You really, really care about her and you want to take this to the next level. She looks over and catches you staring at her.

"What are you looking at?" She says with a smile.

"Nothing, I just- it's crazy how beautiful you look doing literally everything."

She smiles and walks over to you and puts her hands on your hips and kisses you. You look into her eyes for a minute and get lost in them.

"What?" She says.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about how lucky I am that I have you in my life. You're amazing."

Her lips curl into a smile and she puts her hands on your face and pulls you in for a kiss.

Words of affirmation definitely works, but you're not sure if that's her main love language. You're getting restless so you try and combine the last two.

"Wanna put on comfy clothes and watch a movie?" You ask.

"I would love to." She says with a smile.

You both change and she meets you on the couch.

"What do you want to watch? A horror movie?" She asks.

"Absolutely not." You say with a laugh.

"Right, I forgot you were terribly boring." She says teasing you.

You scoff and go to tickle her. "I am not!"

"No no no!!" She says laughing and grabs your hands after you're able to get a few pokes in. "I fucking hate that."

"Right, I forgot you were terribly boring." You say imitating her with a laugh.

She laughs and gives you a playful scowl and grabs the remote. You come across a rom-com you both haven't seen and decide to watch it. She lays across the couch and drapes her legs over your lap, you put your hand on her calf and gently stroke it with your thumb.

"Do you want a foot rub, or a backrub or something?" You ask.

She sits up and pauses the movie and looks at you.

"You have been so weird lately. What is going on?"

"Ugh," you rest your head on her knee as it's bent over your legs. You look up at her.

"What?" She asks, looking at you with a hint of concern in her eyes.

"A few weeks ago I was talking to Keeley and she told me about the five love languages, and I had never heard about them and I realized I didn't know what yours were so she told me to try and figure it out because it was more romantic than just asking you."

"Seven."

"What?"

"There are actually seven love languages." She says.

"What!? What are the other two?!"

"Expression of affection and love is one of them. The other, which happens to be mine, is communication. Those two might not be official ones actually. But I liked them so I count them."

"Shit!! So I was never gonna get it then."

She laughs as she adjusts and sits back on her heels facing you.

"Afraid not." She says with a smile.

"What even is the communication love language?!"

"Just simple communication, talking to one another, being honest, explaining what you're experiencing or feeling, telling your partner what your needs are, things like that. I lacked that so much in my last relationship, I don't think I can ever be with someone again without being able to really communicate with each other. But if we're talking about the traditional five, I think mine is words of affirmation."

"Well then," you say grabbing her hand. "I'm sorry that I didn't communicate that I was trying to find out your love languages."

Her eyes sparkle when you say that to her, you can tell that just acknowledging her love language meant so much to her.

"So why were you and Keeley talking about love languages anyway?"

You chuckle and your cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

"She had asked if we were getting more serious and I told her I really wanted to, but I felt like there was a piece missing," you see her eyes get a little sad and you grab her hand. "And I said it's not like there's something missing that doesn't exist between us, more like something that was an obstacle, that stopped us from going there. I don't know how to describe it, but I know it's there, I just didn't know how to get there." You furrow your brows, not being able to correctly express your thoughts. "I don't know if any of that made sense."

You see her relax a little and she studies your face.

"Do you want to get more serious?"

You take a deep breath, fearful that she'll reject the idea.

"Yes. I do, but I'm so afraid of fucking up what we have, because I really, really like what we have." You pause and sheepishly look at her. "But I also really want to call you my girlfriend, and be able to be affectionate with each other in public, around our friends. Just, be a real couple I guess."

She continues to study your face as she smiles.

"Do you want to get more serious?" You cautiously ask.

"I would like that very much."

"Really?" You look deep into her eyes.

Rebecca nods her head and cups your face in her hands and kisses you. Her tongue slides into your mouth and your tongue dances around hers. She climbs into your lap and you slide one hand up to the back of her neck and hold onto her waist with the other as she holds your face in her hands. The kiss continues and eventually your lips slowly part. You study each others faces for a moment before Rebecca breaks the silence.

"I never asked, what's your love language?"

"Words of affirmation, physical touch," You pause and try to remember the rest. "Quality time, acts of service and gifts. What were the rest of yours? The normal five." You say with a laugh.

"Words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service," She pauses to think. "Physical touch and gifts."

You two stare into each others eyes for a moment and smile, taking in every detail of the others face.

"I can't imagine my life without you." Rebecca says as she looks into your eyes.

You feel your heart soar at her words, you look back into her eyes with a smile on your face.

"It's a little scary." She says.

The happiness on your face melts into worry.

"I already know I can very easily fall in love with you. But you're worth it."

You feel your eyes get glossy at her words. Every fear you had about losing what you have with her vanishes.

"I already am, and I wouldn't want to fall in love with anyone else."

She's touched by your words, even a little surprised, but very happy. She smiles at you and you both pull each other closer for another kiss. After a few minutes of making out you part and cuddle into each other. She buries her face into your neck and you lay your head on hers. Your arms wrapped around her as she sits in your lap. You're distracted by the tv automatically shutting off since the movie was paused for so long.

"So much for the movie." You say with a giggle.

"Oh well," she says. "I'd much rather do this anyway."

"Me too."

[yourkimjaejin]

Unwelcome Touch

Finally we have Hannah's tour!angst post!! I know it's been awhile but work got hectic but now we've calmed down a bit so I get my head right. We still have Juno's angst left but until then....Happy Reading!! ~ Author Izzy

Warning: I don't really know how to warn for this but the closest I can come up with is non-consensual touch and cornering. If anything like this is triggering for you, that part starts with the words

“Hi Hannah.”

and ends with

“Hannah!! Thank God! I’ve been looking all over for you.”

I'll bold both of these sentences so you can skip that section if you need to. I'll also put a description underneath the post of what happened.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Hannah could taste the barbecue on her tongue as she walked to The Smoke-Out, a restaurant she found online.

AG had made it to the Dallas stop on their world tour. Sometimes the girls questioned the decision making in their company. This time they got it right. Giving the members the space to rest between cities provided a small chance to recharge and give their best performance for fans in each city. Which Hannah took full advantage of. Her other members tapped out after three full days of exploring. But not our resident Hawaiian. .

The exploring bug has hit her HARD for the entire tour, but can you blame her. Hannah never traveled outside the borders of her hometown.. Now she lives in Korea and travels the world with AG and WayV. It’s only natural that she’d want to see everything she could. Not bad for a girl from the island

After spending her last free day seeing the sights no one else was interested in, Hannah was walking to a fan recommended barbecue restaurant. She ran forward once the neon sign came into view. Touring around the city really works up the appetite. Luckily some of the crowd had died down and the dancer was able to walk right up to the counter and order. 

“What would you like?” 

“Let me get the rib combo and the brisket combo. One with coleslaw and mashed potatoes. The other with mac and cheese and brussel sprouts. Oh! Let me add a one pulled pork sandwich and one pulled chicken sandwich, both with potato wedges. I’m ordering for four.” Hannah laughs a bit. 

“Totally cool. You wouldn’t imagine some of the orders we get from food bloggers. Your total is $74.35 and you can pay with cash or card.” Hannah tapped her card on the scanner. 

“It’ll be about an half hour wait, if that's okay?” The cashier informed her but Hannah waved them off. 

“The best things are worth waiting for. Especially food.” Hannah and the cashier shared a laugh while she moved to the side. While waiting, she took a picture of the restaurant's wall where dozens of awards and memorabilia were hung up. The dancer's phone camera has been working overtime with all the pictures she’s taken.

While scrolling through the pics she took at the Dallas Arboretum Hannah noticed two guys walk in. They didn’t order but one of them locked eyes with her. The look in his eyes sent a small shiver down her spine. 

Hannah wasn’t crazy. She knew how it looked being a woman, alone at night. And that's why she kept her phone in her hand, shuffling closer to the security camera she saw on the wall. From the corner of her eye she could see them talking to each other but pointing in her direction. A part of her hoped they were nervous fans wanting autographs.

A text from Moxy took her attention off them. 

From Momo Unnie: Where R U??? To Momo Unnie: I’m getting bbq!! Suggestion from Czennie From Momo Unnie: HOW DARE!!! To Momo Unnie: You were asleep when I left From Momo Unnie: I could have been tempted by Dallas bbq To Momo Unnie: ….no you wouldn’t

The two members bickered back and forth, distracting Hannah from the sound of footsteps coming closer. 

“Hi Hannah.” A male voice said from way too close. Both of the boys were now crowded around her. The one to her left was blonde while his friend on the right had brunette hair.  Hannah smiled politely but it never reached her eyes. Something about the way they looked gave Hannah the creeps. She could feel their eyes trailing across her body. She put distance between them, disguising the movement by rocking back and forth. 

“Nice to meet you.” She lowered her head, bowing in greeting.

“We’ve been fans for a long time.” The blonde explained while inching closer. 

“Yeah and we’ve always wanted to meet you.” the brunette continued. The smaller of the three shivered, their voices felt slimy and unwelcome. Hannah made herself focus on their body language, cause the last thing she wanted was to piss off the two boys standing between herself and the exit. 

Hannah plastered on a smile, “Oh really! Thank you so much! One of the best parts of being an idol is interacting with fans. Especially ones we don’t get to see that often” Things got quiet after that. Hannah positions herself as far away from them as possible but they keep inching closer. Panic got her heart beat faster. There’s no way she could fight back against two boys who stood a head taller than her, 

But that doesn’t mean she wasn’t gonna try if it got to that. 

“You should hang out with us.” 

“Someone like you shouldn’t be alone. Especially not in a foreign city.” While the brunette got closer, the blonde reached over pushing a strand of hair behind her ear then trailing his finger down her neck to her shoulder. Tugging her shirt to reveal bare skin. Hannah closed her eyes, forcing her body to still. To not flinch away from a foreign touch. 

She flinched anyway when a new female voice took the boys' attention off of her. 

“Hannah!! Thank God! I’ve been looking all over for you.” A girl ran over to the trio. She was dressed in pajama pants with converse and hoodie. Her black hair was pulled into a hasty ponytail. She barged her way between the two boys and hugged the idol. The girl grabbed Hannah’s hand, pulling her away from the creepy boys and closer to the door. 

“Sorry I took so long, I went to the wrong restaurant. Have you been waiting?” The girl gave a subtle nod, hoping the idol got her message.

Some of the panic faded, knowing this kind stranger was trying to help her. Hannah pulled her into another quick embrace, “I didn’t wait long. I must have sent you the wrong location. I….got caught up with these two fans.” Hannah gestured to the boys standing together dumbfounded. 

The newcomer turned to them and bowed in apology, “Sorry for interrupting. You don’t get much hang out time with friends who turned into superstars.” 

“Oh, you weren’t interrupting and I am hardly a superstar!!” Hannah grabbed the hand of her new ‘friend’, grounding herself. 

“Sorry for barging in. Maybe I could take a photo for you guys. As an apology for stealing Hannah away?” Both boys shook their heads and quickly fled the restaurant. Before either could speak the cashier called out Hannah's name. Both girls couldn’t hold eye contact with the other person. They just awkwardly stood there waiting for someone to make a move. Which turned out to be Hannah. The dancer grabbed her food and expected her ‘friend’ to be gone. But there she was waiting at one of the restaurant's tables, trying and failing to look occupied. Hannah and the girls' eyes locked. They both gave a crooked smile. 

The idol made her way over claiming the seat across from the girl. Taking a moment to breathe now that immediate danger was behind them. Hannah took out her phone, texting her manager to pick her up. I think that's enough excitement for one day, she thought. Hannah took in her helper across from the table who was trying, and once again failing, to not look at the idol in awe. The singer discreetly observed the fan while sending the restaurant’s address to her manager. Hannah noticed the cinnamaroll photocard holder with a pc of her face protected inside. 

“I must have a new perfume on because I keep attracting fans tonight.” The girl's hands flew to the holder in an effort to cover it up. Panicked eyes met hers. 

The girl shook her head frantically, “I promise I’m not like those guys back there! I saw you cornered and I barely registered you were…..the Hannah of NCT AG. I just wanted to help.” Her words trailed off at the end, her cheeks turned red in embarrassment. Hannah couldn't hold back a laugh. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. Honestly I don’t meet many people who are fans of myself. What’s your name?” 

The girl's blush spread covering her ears, “I’m E-Emerald. Emmy for short. I’ve been a fan for a while now. Especially of you. WayV’s my favorite subunit and you kill every performance I’ve seen.” She could tell Emerald wanted to say more but was holding back. 

It felt good. Seeing someone genuinely happy to meet her. Performing in Korea helped her develop a thick skin. It hurts when you can tell nobodies there for you. But being on this tour reminded Hannah that she was loved. Emerald was living, breathing proof. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Emerald. And I have to thank you for the save back there. Is there anything I can do? Buy you food or something to drink.” The girl shook her head again. 

“It’s what any decent person would do for another. I can’t accept thanks for basic human kindness.” Hannah tried to offer more things but every time Emerald refused. Seeing she was fighting a losing battle, Hannah moved to getting to know the fan in front of her. She asked about her life in Dallas, what her hobbies were, ect. With every question Emmy opened up more. She even asked questions of her own.  Mainly about Hannah’s management of two groups with equally hectic schedules. 

“My best friend, who wasn’t a K-pop fan, changed her mind about NCT after listening to Basically Over You.” Emerald gushed to the idol. 

“You got your friend into NCT because of us?? That’s amazing!! I guess I’ll see you both tomorrow then?” Hannah was mistaken as she watched the other girl's face fall. 

Emerald shook her head, “We couldn’t get tickets. I heard the rumors about an AG tour but nobody could confirm. So I saved up for Dream’s concert. Now that my friend is into NCT we went to look for tickets but it was sold out.” Emerald perked up a bit, “It’s okay. My friend and I are planning a sleep and stalk night. We’re gonna be all over the official hashtag for videos. One of the good things about international fans, everyone posts on their socials.” The conversation got cut off by a honking horn. Outside, Hannah could see two of her managers in the front seats. . 

Knowing her time with her bias was over, Emerald sighed. But Hannah couldn’t just leave her fan with nothing. 

“Could you wait here for a moment?” Hannah grabbed her food and  jogged outside to the van. She climbed into the back seat rummaging around for something.

“Looking for something Hannah-ssi?” 

“Yeah…Where are those extra tickets we keep?” One of the managers opened the glove box, pulling the tickets out. 

“Do you need them for some….thing” He couldn’t even finish his sentence before Hannah snatched the tickets and jogged back inside. Emerald had grabbed her purse when Hannah stopped in front of her. 

“I know you told me that I couldn’t do anything for you but actually….I can.” Hannah watched amused while Emerald stared at the tickets dumbfounded. Her mouth fell open and her eyes wide. They flicked between Hannah and the tickets, unsure of what to do. 

“I hope you know I refuse to take these back to the car. I guess you’ll just have to take them.” Hannah placed the tickets in Emerald's hand with a smile. “Thank you again for your help back there. Enjoy the concert tomorrow! I’ll be looking for you both.” Hannah waved, jogging back to her van and hopping in. Emerald stood in disbelief, eyes moving between the tickets and the door her bias just walked through.

She just got tickets for AG’s concert handed to her……

And she didn’t even say thank you.

The familiar ringtone brought Emerald back to earth. She fumbled around getting her hand on her phone and swiping to answer. 

“Emmy!?!? Where are you? I was at your front door but you didn’t answer. Are you home? We have less than 36 hours to mentally prepare ourselves for the biggest fomo experience of our lives.” Emerald friend, Peri said to a mostly unresponsive Emerald. 

“Emmy? You good?” Peri asked.

“Peri…..Change of plans.” 

“To what?! There is NO WAY I’m missing—”  “YOU'RE NOT MISSING ANYTHING BECAUSE WE'RE GOING!!!!” Emerald interrupted before Peri could get her rant started. It was silent on both ends of the line. Emerald waited for Peri's reaction while her best friend took in what she said.

“We’re going where now?” 

Emerald envisioned the look on her friend's face as she said, “We’re going to see AG. In concert. Live. In Person. A Day from now. We’re going, Riri!””

“Did you just say we're going to the concert?” 

“I have so much to tell you.” Emerald said, smiling in glee.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Summary if you chose to skip: Hannah while waiting in the restaurant is cornered by two male fans who block her from the exit. One begins to touch her without her permission before they are interrupted by another fan, this time female, who sees the interaction, notices that Hannah isn't comfortable and saves Hannah.

[technicjelle]

Infrastructure for Disaster Control, a.k.a. Automatic Builds

We all know the feeling of pure and utter stress when, ten minutes before the deadline, you finally click the Build And Export in your game engine and then it fails to build for some reason.

To prevent issues like this, people invented automated builds, also sometimes referred to as CI/CD.

This is a mechanism that tests the project every single time a change is made (a git commit is pushed, or a Perforce changelist is submitted). Because of this, we very quickly know whenever a change broke the build, which means we can fix it immediately, instead of having to fix it at the end.

It is also useful whenever a regression happens that doesn't break the build. We can go back to a previous build, and see if the issue is there or not. By checking a few builds by way of binary search, we can very quickly pinpoint the exact change that caused the regression. We have used this a few times, in fact. Once, the weaving machines stopped showing up in the build, and with this method, we were able to pinpoint the exact change that caused it, and then we submitted a fix!

It's very useful to have an archive of builds for every change we made to the project.

There are multiple different softwares that do this kind of thing, but Jenkins is by and far the most used. Both by indies, but also large AAA studios! So knowing how it works is very useful, so that's why I picked Jenkins for the job. Again, like with Perforce, it was pretty easy to install!

Here is a list of every build run that Jenkins did, including a neat little graph :)

Configuring it was quite tricky, though. I had to create a console terminal CLI command that makes Unreal Engine build project. Resources used: (one) (two)

It took many days of constant iteration, but in the end, I got it to work very well!

I also wrote some explanations of what Jenkins is and how to use it on the Jenkins pages themselves, for my teammates to read:

Dashboard (The Home Page):

Project Page:

Now, it is of course very useful to build the project and catch errors when they happen, but if no-one looks on the Jenkins page, then no-one will see the status! Even if the website is accessible to everyone, people won't really look there very often. Which kind of makes the whole thing useless… So to solve that issue, I implemented Discord pings! There is a Jenkins plugin that automatically sends messages to a specific Discord channel once the build is done. This lets everyone know when the build succeeded or failed.

We of course already had a discord server that we used to discuss everything in, and to hold out online meetings with. So this #build-status channel fit in perfectly, and it was super helpful in catching and solving issues.

Whenever a build failed, people could click on the link, and see the console output that Unreal Engine gave during the build, so we could instantly see where the issue was coming from. And because it rebuilds for every change that is made, we know for certain that the issue can only have come from the change that was just made! This meant that keeping every change small, made it easier to find and fix problems!

Whenever a build succeeds, it gets stored on the server, in the build archive.

But storing it on the server alone is nice and all, but people can't really do anything with them there. I could personally access them by remotely connecting to the server, but I cannot make my teammates go through all that. So I needed to make them more accessible for the whole team, to download whenever they please.

For this, I wanted to create a small website, from which they can download them. Just by going to the link, they could scroll through every build and download it immediately.

I already knew of multiple ways of easily doing this, so I tried out a few.

The Python programming language actually ships with a built-in webserver module that can be used very easily with a single command. But Python wasn't installed, and installing Python on Windows is kind of annoying, so I wanted something else. Something simpler.

I often use the program "darkhttpd" whenever I want a simple webserver, so I tried to download that, but I couldn't get it to work on Windows. Seems like it only really supports Linux…

So I went looking for other, single-executable, webserver programs that do support Windows.

And so I stumbled on "caddy". I'd actually heard of it before, but never used it, as I never had a need for it before then. For actual full websites, I've always used nginx. After some time of looking at the official documentation of caddy's various configuration file formats and command-line arguments, and tweaking things, I had it working like I wanted! It now even automatically starts when the computer boots up, which is something that Perforce and Jenkins set up automatically. Resources used: (one) (two) (three) (four)

And I think that's it! Unfortunately, none of this will roll over to the next team that has to work on this project, because none of this is code that is inside our project folder.

Here’s a summary of the setup, drawn as a network map:

Future

There is a concept called IAC, Infrastructure As Code, which I would like to look into, in the future. It seems very useful for these kinds of situations where other people have to be able to take over, and reproduce the setups.

[arsonwerm]

Aight buckle up I have quite a few wishes fuckers

1. I want to have more control over when I stop scrolling

2. I want all of the people who directly kill innocent civilians to face justice for their crimes

3. I want Donald Trump and anyone associating with him on legal business to never be able to lie again, and to come out and tell the truth about any past lies in a very public statement

4. I want to always have the motivation to create art when I reach for it

5. I want to always have inspiration for that art and know what I want to create

6. I want JK Rowling to make a public apology for her transphobic, antisemitic, etc behavior (AND MEAN IT), and rescind all funding from anti trans charities, and give all of that funding to lgbtq aid and liberation charities

7. I want to use 3/4 of Jeff bezos’s net worth to create no-barrier-to-entry housing for unhoused peoples, donate to food banks, distribute to charities, and distribute among overseas humanitarian aid efforts

8. End institutionalized racism

9. End institutionalized poverty

10. Redistribute US military budget to give state funded free education to all, including higher education

11. Get rid of all anti-homeless infrastructure

12. Rework city layouts to make them more pedestrian friendly, anti automobile, pro public transport, walkable, and ADA friendly

13. All remaining roads are now made of the current most environmentally friendly asphalt replacement currently invented

14. Add in more water efficient green spaces to roads and sidewalks, and make sidewalks shaded by native trees and lined with native plants

15. All invasive species now have their populations reduced and are now ecologically under control in the areas which they came from

16. Fund all legitimate and effective initiatives for coral reef rehabilitation and repopulation

17. Anyone under the age of 13 is now completely unable to access social media

18. Child friendly online spaces like animal jam and many of the old .io games are restored

19. All laws implemented with the intent to discriminate against marginalized communities is now no longer in effect

20. Redistribute police funding, creating new branches that specialize in nonviolent deescalation and relocation

21. All of my previous and future wishes will be implemented within the next 30 earth days, but also in a way that makes them appear to be naturally occurring

22. Roe v Wade is now reinstated as a valid ruling

23. Medical care is now free for everyone, including non-essential but quality of life improving initiatives

24. Every company that contributes to 1% or more of current landfill mass will answer for the crimes against the environment

25. Implemented all proposed legal programs to tax the ultra-rich

26. I can change the size of my breasts at will, including getting rid of them entirely, but will always be able to revert them back to their natural size if desired

27. I no longer need to sleep

28. Minimum wage is living wage and “server wage” is no longer below the general minimum wage

29. All golf courses are converted into affordable housing communities with no barriers to entry

30. I want my attention span for reading back please

31. Anytime someone wants a stress ball, they will find one in their pocket, purse, or nearby in a clearly visible area

32. I want to no longer have sensory issues and issues with fainting/lightheadedness

33. AI programs are not allowed to scrape visual, auditory, or literary works without the creators explicit personal consent

34. All Amazon profits go to charity

35. Amazon implements the most eco friendly forms of transportation to date

36. No shipping/delivery fees

37. Whatever current sketchbook I am using will be magically able to fit into any bag I am carrying without changing the size of either object

38. All books, including sketchbooks and notebooks, now weigh one ounce each, no matter the size or density

39. Google no longer shows sponsored results

40. All charities with legitimate intentions of aid for marginalized communities are now fully funded with money from current billionaires

41. Said billionaires funding charities cannot use this funding to sway the intentions of said charities

42. No one with intentions to inflict harm on a marginalized group will be able to run for any governmental office

43. Anyone who has joined a gang for stability and community will now be able to find those needs fulfilled in other more constructive spaces

44. Public libraries are fully funded

45. All research papers and educational textbooks are free to use

46. All subscription services for software will now become affordable one time purchases without intentional limits on use

47. I reserve the right to reverse any previous or future wishes should I find they have unexpected negative consequences

48. I reserve the right to make more wishes in the future should I choose to do so, and after this particular interaction is over, I will invoke a new session of wishing by saying your name aloud three times. Any wishing sessions will be ended by saying my last name three times

49. I reserve the right to have full knowledge of the existence and exact wording of any previous wishes I have made

50. I now know your name

51. You are not entitled to grant my wishes if you find that you do not want to

52. You are to warn me of any unintended negative consequences a wish may invoke before you grant it

53. Horses are no longer fucked up

“I shall grant three wishes, but you cannot wish for… Actually, fuck it. You get infinite wishes and no rules, let’s see where this goes.”

[ferny-berny]

there's a first for everything

I’m finally doing it. I’m writing my first blog post!

For a long time now, I couldn’t tell you if it’s been months or years because I guess I’ve always wanted to share my thoughts with the world, I’ve wanted to make a blog. When I was younger the idea of being a youtuber was super cool, but I always told myself that I should only post online if I had something genuinely interesting and original to contribute. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a kid who clearly just had a desire to be creative. It honestly stopped me from doing a lot of things, but I can proudly say I have a very clean digital footprint :p

Always a passive scroller, never a poster. 

Growing up as a child with unsupervised access to the internet, media consumption was my number one hobby. Too old to be an iPad baby, but too young to know what life was like before Google existed; the sweet spot, really. Maybe I’m biased, but the internet I grew up on is not the one that lives today. It’s really a reflection of the collective mind, all the misinformation and lack of critical thinking… don’t get me started. The internet I grew up with was an option - available, but not necessary. None of us were taking it too seriously because, honestly, they hadn’t figured out how to make money on there yet. Even making money on a site like eBay felt like a fun little game, but maybe that’s the childhood nostalgia warping reality. 

You get my point though - it used to be fun and now it’s not. At least not for me. It’s just doomscroll, laugh at tweet, post cute pic, repeat. It really can’t be normal to be going through as many emotions as you do when you scroll down the timeline. Amygdala going crazyyyy.

I know that this is just a string of tangents so far, but I promise I’m going somewhere with this -

The internet can be fun again! It’s special because it’s a place to connect and share. As fun as it is to watch my shows and listen to my little playlists, the thing that really feeds me is being able to talk about it with someone. I am a certified yapper, like my roommate says.

Funny thing though: as I close out this chapter of my life, I am also done with what feels like the research stage of it. The time I spent simply sitting back and observing the world is very important to me. It wasn’t all happy, but it taught me a lot. I am raising my hand in the classroom of life (hahaha). I would like to participate now. 

There’s a lot left to explore, I’m only 23 after all. Which if you’re younger may feel old, but even if that were true, it’s cool to age. You couldn’t pay me to be ~young~ again. Who knew it could hurt so much to be in the dark? The growing pains still come and go, but are much easier to bear nowadays. I have at least found the switch to see things more clearly. 

A big realization was that I don’t want to waste any more time. It took me a while to come to terms with my anxiety, but one of the things that I had to accept was that thinking about anything too hard will make me not want to do it. Like this. This is being written on a google doc because I can’t figure out what to name the actual blog. But that just cannot be the reason I don’t do it. There won’t always be more time.

This past year has been a big one for me. It was my final year in college. I’m a super senior, so I got an extra year and it honestly ended up working out, but until about last week it didn’t register that I won’t be a college student forever. After this I’ll never have another finals week, study sesh in the library, or a casual chat at the english department… no more dumplings from the dumpling cart, pizza from Christian’s (at 2am after a night out), or basil fried rice from my favorite Thai place on campus. It just started setting in that my weeks are, in fact, counted. That maybe there won’t be a next time for certain things; that museum visit that I’ve pushed off since moving down here could simply not happen if I don’t carve out the time to actually do it because it is ending. Things do end, (un)fortunately. I thought it never would. 

Yada yada, I’m getting sappy. And we don’t know each other yet.

The point is: you won’t always have all the time in the world. I get it now. So I want a place to talk about it. That and music, social issues, self-care, pop culture, books, movies, etc.

I want my voice to be heard. I’ll admit it’s a little scary to speak up, but I have so many thoughts that I’m going to try and just post it before I find a reason not to. I hope you join in because I hate talking to myself :)

[kimtaegis]

Thank you Annie and anon for your kind words :( You made a really good point with responsibility and how our brain basically sorts out what we are in the mood for. I didn't even think of that before but it definitely made me think after reading your answer. I guess it's just the frustration of me not being able to do everything I want, because I do want to watch, read, catch up on things but I'm never in the mood. Instead I either watch short content or just scroll mindlessly... I have been wanting to get back into reading for months because honestly I think the pandemic and everything that came with it ruined my ability to focus and really really shortened my attention span (I know this is one thing that a lot of people suffer from/with!), and I can't handle sitting for hours reading a book even though I desperately want to. I got their book, I was so excited for it and I chewed through almost the whole thing in one sitting, but then I had to leave for something and now it's been months and I only have a 100 pages left and I still haven't finished it lol. So my main concern is definitely that I'm unable to do things for some reason. But you're right, there is always something I can enjoy online after work or just be with my dog and family. It just sucks and I sometimes wonder if it'll change for the worse or better :(

(also other anon: I'm a June 2021 army and I still have so many songs I haven't listened to, it's okay! I keep wanting to check out their older music when I hear them somewhere but then I never go through all of them because I keep coming back to my favorites 😂 but one day I will! I won't ever watch all the bangtan bombs though because that's just... That's a lot, no thank you 😭)

I totally know the feeling!! after work, all I want to do sometimes is read a good fanfic, it’s what I’m gonna be excited about all day, but then when I come home?? literally zero energy to actually do it 😭 it’s a crappy feeling for sure. and I have the exact same problem with concentration/ a shortened attention span!! it’s why I’ve never been able to watch their vlives or now wlives attentively with subtitles, my mind will just drift off after a few minutes. I also take so many short breaks when reading something, a friend of mine has even pointed that out once, that I just stop reading and will look at twitter or tumblr for a while and then come back to the story. it’s so rare that something entices me so much that I’ll sit still and actually only focus on that for a good while (the only big exception for that is making graphics which is so interesting; I will really work on one piece for 22 hours straight with no breaks agdhjgk). so you’re really not alone my love 🤍

haha and I love that some bts songs will keep you “captive” like that (which ones though??), if you ever break free I’d love to know which older songs you enjoy as well!!! <33

[blazregaliadream]

Entry No. +++: Reflection

Fuckin' christ, I'm definitely feelin' better now, but it's scary readin' this over again.

So yea, I'm not sure when it began, but at some point, I was startin' to feel some heavy doubts on myself as an artist because none of my stuff seemed to really pick up. Like, I don't expect a shit ton of engagement, but just how nonexistent my presence was feellin' was slowly gettin' to me, made worse by the view count Twitter implemented, so seein' how so many people scrolled by and only one or two (from followers) seemed to at least like it felt like a heavy blow got dealt to me, and well... you can see the breakdown that resulted after however long this was happenin'.

So, why don't we take a step back and reflect.

"Why do you draw, Blaze?" - To show my love for somethin' if it's fanart, to bring out the proof of concept of original stuff I come up with. I started drawing in kindergarten for some funny assignments and things kicked off from there. It's been a hobby of mine for as long as I can remember and it'll continue to be just that.

"Have you ever tried taking commissions?" - Amusingly, I did sometime back with some success, but I was also a heavy procrastinator and I still feel bad I was like that even though my clients were understanding. 'Tis why I say drawing is just a hobby for me.

"Why do you stick to traditional art?" - Familiar territory and I feel like workin' with a drawing tablet would be all sorts of frustratin' that I do not want to put up with. If it's somethin' like the Wii U tablet and Miiverse, that's a different story. In fact, I use to post a lot of my Miiverse art until I finally stopped usin' Miiverse (because I wanted to cross certain territory that I couldn't there) and made my transition to deviantART.

"Don't you have a side blog for your art here?" - I do and I feel it's already a bitch to maintain, so a side account for my art on REEtter would be a bigger pain to keep up-to-date, if I remember to.

"Isn't there anything you want to achieve with your skills?" - In truth, I do have a few goals, but they're nothing big: I wanna get to a point where I'm confident enough to draw some NSFW and other fun stuff like mockup manga covers and the like. The funny thing is, I have drawn some NSFW before, and I feel like I'm right there to go forth again, but some sort of mental block keeps me from makin' the leap. Otherwise, I have no endpoint to this journey. I want to just draw stuff and share what I make with the world. Maybe it's foolish, maybe I'm lettin' my skills go to waste when I *could* be so much more, but I'm not tryna be much more cause I just want a simple life.

And now that I'm feelin' better after that wreck, I can pick my mechanical pencil back up again. But that said, there's also somethin' I wanna change about myself. I've kinda been doin' it here for as long as I can remember, but I need to branch this attitude out to the rest of my online presence, and that is: puttin' my foot down and to stop sugarcoatin'

An issue I've had when it comes to interactin' with people on Discord (and on REEtter to an extent) is that I was never really able to just say what I was really feelin' on matters discussed out of fear I'd butt heads with some folks and possibly get myself in trouble. Recently tho, with the Skullgirls controversy that was happenin', I learned a few things about some people I call friends and mutuals in one server that unsettled me, not because *I* would end friendships over a difference in opinion, but I fear *they* wouldn't hesitate. What's worse is that I've been in that server for a few years, I've had a lot of laughs with most of them, and I believe they're not bad people, persay, but lord in this climate, I know cancel culture is very much still a thing and I feared it big time. But even so, I can't keep up this enigmatic presence of mine where I never show my hand and pretend I'm not always up to speed on things. (It does depend on the topic tho, I'm mostly concerned with video game and manga/anime stuff) Even if it means I may lose those I consider friends and such, it's probably better I've got the mates that can actually handle the real me (or as real as I can be)

So no more fakin' myself just to belong in a group that may or may not tear me to shreds for my beliefs.

... fuck, I think there was more I wanted to say, but as I'm typin' this, those words have left the brain. Ah well, the point has been made.

Now, back to tomfoolery.

= END

[leam1983]

On Being a Fucking Wizard

At least two or three times a month, my father stops by our side of the duplex and asks if I can do something that's either technically unfeasible or legally inadvisable - mostly for the purpose of his watching one or two network-produced shows.

Every single time, it goes as follows. First comes the request, phrased as if I owed him a magical fix ("Can't you do XYZ?"), then followed by a rejection of my first response, because he hasn't seen me check anything online. Insert "Can't you just check for me?" here.

First pass. I tell him there's nothing legally available. "Check again!" is his usual answer, with a sense of rising frustration. I can imagine him mulling over some beatific review for a documentary series on, I don't know, truckers getting tattooed by Native Americans up on the North Coast of Quebec or whatever - and thinking that his not being able to access it is some sort of personal slight.

In the latest case, what he wanted to watch was gatekept behind a cable subscription, and he's ditched his years ago. I remind him of that.

"Oh come on, there has to be a way, right? You pirate shit all the time!"

He's correct, the difference being that I pirate the mainstream. There is no seed group in existence that looks at TV5 and Unis.tv's repertoire and thinks "You know what the tracker needs? Web-rips of a TV show nobody outside of Quebec will ever watch."

I've already shown him how to browse my usual trackers. "I know, but I couldn't find anything!"

I blink. "So, what? You thought because I fix PCs and networks for a living that I was some sort of hacker god who could manifest super-niche content for you for free? Try checking Unis.tv's website to see if there's a streaming version of what you want.

Again. "Can't you do it for me?"

I sigh. "Dad, I love you - but this is ridiculous. You're sixty-seven years old, you can still work a Web browser and are nowhere near the kind of crippling dementia that would leave you unable to scroll through a streaming platform's library. If it's just a question of lack of time, put it off until after supper, like the adult I know you can be."

He goes for the usual low blows, mumbling that he never asks me for anything - which is an absolute and bold-faced lie. I just reply with a glare.

By the end of it all, he's made peace with the fact that what he wanted to watch is cable-or-bust, and Walt is giving me a look as we're settling to make our own dinner.

"Is that how I sounded back when I asked you for help with my iPhone?"

I grimace. "A little, sure - the difference being that you've got some savvy and that you're still mostly independent, technologically. I know you'd never ask me to pirate something that can't be accessed, hon. If it's in the mainstream, I can find it with my eyes closed. If you're asking about, I don't know, Jan Garbarek's concert in Oslo with a one-legged Opera Alto from Uzbekistan, as recorded back in February 1998 by some Manhattan Jazz groupie doing DMT - that'd be something else entirely."

Walt snickers. "Your father goes that much niche?"

I have to concur. "He'll spend hours on YouTube looking for shitty uploads of a concert he's seen before the Lake Meech Accords, and he'll then ask help to find the exact one he has in mind where some backup singer he can't even name wore a purple top - because that's all he remembers."

I smirk and imitate my father for a second. "Come on, Walt - you know what concert I'm talking about, right? The one where some girl goes 'UWAAAAAH' about thirty-six seconds into the beginning of the twelfth track on the setlist? Oh, and also, I think you could see someone in the front-row seats wearing mismatched socks, too."

Walt's trying not to laugh out loud, at this point. He ends it with a happy sigh.

"I'll try not to bug you too much with tech support, then."

I give him a smirk as I dice some carrots.

"I'm Sysadmin, anyway. If I need you to take some time off, all I need to do is revoke your server creds and lock you off from your Sales portals for a few hours. You're entirely at my mercy."

Sarah goes for mock terror and I add some dark chuckles - just in time to feel Walt push his stomach into my back and briefly loop an arm around my chest.

"Don't give us ideas, sweetheart - fooling around always feels better until after dinner, on Sundays..."

[barbarewjohnson]

7 Ways to Create Compelling Blog Content

Are you looking for ways to make your blog stand out? Compelling content is key to attracting and keeping readers engaged. Here are seven tips for creating content that will keep them coming back for more:

1. Find your niche. When you know what you want to write about, it’s easier to come up with ideas that will interest your target audience. Figure out what makes your blog unique and focus on writing about topics that fit within that niche.

2. Keep it fresh. No one wants to read the same old thing all the time. Mix things up by including different types of content, such as videos, infographics or personal stories in addition to your regular posts.

3. Be timely. Write about current events or hot topics in your industry to show that you’re keeping up with what’s happening around you. This will also help attract new readers who are searching for information on these topics online.

4. Be helpful.’How-to’ posts and other informative articles are always popular because they offer readers valuable information they can use in their own lives.’Top 10′ lists are another great option if you can find a creative angle that fits with your niche.”Quick tips” posts are perfect for busy readers who appreciate getting concise advice without having to wade through a lot of fluff.”Resources” posts round-up helpful links and tools related to a particular topic so that readers can easily find everything they need in one place.”Problem/solution” posts identify a common problem faced by people in your audience and offer practical solutions for solving it.”Product reviews” can be helpful if you’re able to provide an honest assessment of products or services related to your niche.”Q&A” style posts answer reader questions directly

Brainstorming ideas for blog content

1. If you’re feeling stumped about what to write for your blog, never fear! Brainstorming ideas for blog content is easy when you know where to look.

2. Start by thinking about the topics you’re passionate about or have expertise in. Once you’ve got a few broad ideas, break them down into more specific subtopics that you could write on.

3. From there, it’s just a matter of coming up with headlines that will capture your reader’s attention and get them excited to learn more from your blog post. With a little brainstorming, you’ll be well on your way to creating fresh, engaging content for your blog!

Developing creative and compelling titles

The title of your blog post is the first thing that will catch a reader’s attention. You want to make sure it’s creative and compelling, so they’ll actually click through and read your content.

When developing titles, think about what makes you stop and click on a particular article when you’re scrolling through social media or your favorite website. A good title will pique your interest and make you want to learn more about the topic at hand.

To ensure your title is effective, use strong keywords related to your blog content creation topic. This will help grab readers’ attention as well as improve your search engine optimization (SEO). In addition, accurately reflect the main takeaway from your article in the title so readers know what they can expect before clicking through.

Writing catchy introductions

A great introduction for your blog post will help entice readers to keep reading. You want to catch their attention and give them an overview of what the article is about without giving too much away. A good way to do this is by introducing the topic with a clever or thought-provoking statement.

Your introduction should also include the keywords that you are targeting for SEO purposes. This will help ensure that your article comes up in search results when someone is looking for information on the subject. However, don’t stuff your keywords in there just for the sake of it – use them naturally as you would in normal conversation.

Finally, make sure your introduction is no longer than a couple of sentences. You don’t want to bore people before they even get to the meat of your article!

Creating interesting and informative body content

Assuming you would like tips for creating interesting and informative blog content:

1. Start with a catchy headline that accurately reflects the main message of your blog post. This will help pull readers in and ensure they stick around until the end.

2. Use strong, active verbs throughout your piece to add excitement and keep things moving. No one wants to read a wall of text full of boring sentences.

3. Be sure to include relevant keywords (related to your topic) so that your post comes up in search engine results when people are looking for information on that subject matter. But don’t stuff keywords – use them thoughtfully and sparingly for the best results

Adding engaging multimedia elements

Assuming you would like tips for adding engaging multimedia elements to blog posts:

1. Incorporate images or infographics into your post whenever possible. People are drawn to visuals, and they can help break up the text and make your content more digestible. Just be sure to include captions and credits when necessary.

2. Add videos to your posts! This could be in the form of a video tutorial, an informative vlog, or even just a short clip that ties into your topic. Again, people love watching videos, so this is a great way to keep them engaged with your content.

3A Use audio! This could take the form of an interview with someone relevant to your topic, or simply recording yourself reading aloud the blog post (this is great for people who prefer listening to reading). Adding audio gives readers another way to consume your content, and makes it more likely that they’ll stick around until the end.

Optimizing your blog posts for search engines

There are a few things you can do to optimize your blog content for search engines. One is to use keyword-rich titles and descriptions. This will help your blog post show up in search results when people are looking for information on the topic you’re writing about. Another tip is to internal link to other related articles on your website. This helps Google understand what your article is about and can also lead to more traffic for your website. Lastly, make sure to include social sharing buttons on each of your blog posts so that readers can easily share your content with their followers.

Conclusion

If you want to create compelling blog content, there are seven key ways to do it:

1. Write attention-grabbing headlines

2. Use strong visuals

3. Tell stories

4. Be helpful and informative

5. Be unique and original

6. Be interactive and engaging

7. Promote your content

By following these seven tips, you can create blog content that is both compelling and enjoyable for your readers. So what are you waiting for? Get writing!

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