#and then call me a drunk and leave
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I'm a predator just for letting minors interact with my tumblr account? and you're saying my ex is better? they're a self proclaimed predator. posting kink and paraphilia content constantly. claiming to have an abuse kink. I remember them posting all that same shit while having minors in close ranks. I remember being really open about my sa trauma and having them post cnc and rape mentions and depictions constantly. I remember them telling us we had to be sober but then dropping valium and dxm and day drinking constantly. I remember being urged to recover from my ed and seeing them post triggering content constantly. I remember talking to someone who gave me a lot of praise and attention and then waking up to find them calling me their boyfriend. I remember never being asked if I was okay with being in a polyamorous arrangement. I remember being threatened with violence if I ever left. but I'm a predator for letting teenagers interact with my blog.
#🌹.sebastian#🫀.vents#yes i was actually anonymous accused of that#and that was the basis behind it#“you allow minors interacting. so you flirt with 16 year olds?”#“they love me more than they ever loved you” also gave away the fact that they're with my ex#I don't know who you are but i know where you're trying to attack me from#and it's fucking dumb of you#because all you could do was make a false claim that you could use on any man#and then call me a drunk and leave#fuckin idiot#I don't give a shit about them or you#stay with your cult. I'll stay with the people who actually love me
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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stop having kids if you know you’re not in the financial place to raise them all kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids
#Don’t bring your children into an abusive/toxic relationship#I just had to give a baby this plushy can bought for me 2 years ago bc his momma not fucking watching him and just talking to my drunk uncl#He is DRUNK please leave him alone I do not feel like calling the cops if you get hurt
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thinking about these two most beautiful boys in the whole wide world as i head to bed. i love my twinnies and i love all of u!!!!
#accepting my fate as straddling the line between jake lane and twin lane ❤️#because josh has had me actually so fucked up for weeks now. i cannot keep ignoring this. i love you joshy baby i love you i love you#anyway…. it was a loooooong ass night at my restaurant job tonight. bitches would just not leave and let us close#i was so damn tired and Ready To Leave LMFAO#also the cabernet we have is called josh and people would not stop ordering it tonight.#like. the number of times i had to go to the bar like IM WAITING FOR A JOSH? like. uhhhhhh. yeah i sure fucking am#also kinda drunk and wishing i had a kiszka twin on either side of me!!!! oops!!!!#anyway i love y’all sm <3 goodnight#li speaks#jake#josh
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she's so arrogant and annoying and hot it pisses me off !!!
#like have some shame omg . have some respect#shes soooo certain i will date her she keeps saying shes not worried she doesnt care etc etc bc she knows i want to date her#not even that. she Declared we were dating. like when i was like do u even want this. not just going on dates but acc dating. and she was#like wdym? im already dating you . like ok??? i wasnt informed ig#anyway i said she was arrogant and she said she knows so.#also she did several things when she was drunk that i found cringe/i personally would b embarrassed if i was her but she just found it funn#like genuinely does she have no sense of shame#also her reasoning is that shes too hot to be rejected and since im talking to her instead of... not that makes her certain that#no matter what i say i wont reject her#WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO REJECT HER. DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT OR WHAT TO DO. UGH.#I WANT TO FIGHT HER FR MEIN GOTT#also i want her to be more romantic i literally told her im not asking her out on the next date lmao#also if we do end up dating properly i have to swear and oath never to argue w her and just communicate slowly and clearly bc imagine#lawyer and philosophy student get into an argument and theyre both scorpios. insane combination imo#INSUFFERABLE. she was also 40 mins late and tbf she did warn me and keep me updated but i was still rly mad at her bc#i was waiting for so long . and i was like . listen im gonna leave. and she walked thru the door. but anyway she apologised but also she#said no ones ever threatened to leave her b4. what do you mean before?? anyway i told her to respect my time more and she was like i cant#believe im being told off by a 21 yr old like bitch ur literally 24 stop acting ancient fuck off#UGH SHES SO IRRITATING. WHY DOESNT SHE CALL ME MORE.#crushposting
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still reeling over the fact that almost 2 months ago the guy i was talking to (not dating, but definitely 'seeing') took another girl TO MY AND MY ROOMMATE'S APARTMENT to FUCK HER ON OUR AIR MATTRESS while i was ON VACATION THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY
honestly. how do i get myself into these situations
#followed by him being blackout drunk sleeping on our DOORSTEP the very next day#he said he thought it was weird i said i liked him so soon into meeting him#but he would constantly say shit like 'falling for you more now' and 'my friend told my sister i have a new gf now'#like OKAY HOMEBOY#so dude it's so fucked i'll give more details in these tags in case anyone cares for a lil more context#before my trip back to california for sdcc i talked to him#said hey i know we're not dating but while im gone for almost 2 weeks are we gonna mess around with other people? like where is ur head#he said 'you can sleep with other people because you have a higher sex drive than me but i won't be doing that but you go ahead'#and im like okay weird response but okay cool#before i ended up leaving actually i did end up hooking up w someone and when i came back to my apartment he said 'looks like someone had a#'fun night' but he said it like....in a salty fucking way and i was like ur not allowed to be mad bc you refuse to be in a relationship wit#me despite me LETTING YOU LIVE WITH ME AND MY BFF FOR THE LAST ALMOST MONTH#oh yeah that part too#he was evicted and was staying with us for a few nights that turned into almost a month#NO he did not pay rent YES he did eat all our food#YES im an idiot for not seeing his red flags sooner but i was infatuated#so anyway my friend goes 'he's salty you fucked another dude' and im like excuse me how the fuck is he gonna be mad when WE TALKED ABOUT TH#*THIS#now granted it was a day before my trip so it wasn't ON my trip that i slept with someone else#but im like. how are u gonna be mad im gonna go enjoy myself when you've made it painfully clear you want me but want 0 strings#so anyway while im in california my bff calls me like hey dude john is on our air mattress naked with another girl#i was like excusethefuckME#because 1. he wasn't supposed to be at our apartment anymore so i was surprised he was there at ALL#and 2. how are u gonna ever be living RENT FREE with someone and INVITE SOMEONE ELSE OVER TO FUCK IN THEIR PLACE#i could honestly go on but i doubt anyone read this far as it is#this situation has fucked me up#first red flag should've been his name being JOHN
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#like in general#but also last weekend was literally like a skins episode what the fuck im still processing it#we went to see a football match#then spent over an hour getting back to our dorms on foot bc the trams were packed#we were JUST abt to reach the dorm building byt there were these 3 guys standing and they were like#'hiii girls look we reallyREALLY urgently need to get to the club but we re too drunk to call for a taxi wchi means you gotta walk us there#so we were like no fucking way obv we didnt know them AND THEN WENT WITH THEM ANYWAY#we stopped by this one place where young ppl usually meet up to drink bc our friend was partying there#drank her beer lool the boys convinced their friend to go with us qnd this girl turned out to be our mutual friend which is jdjeisbwjkw#so anyway on our way to teh club theres fierworks and ppl shouting celebrating the match we watched#we get to the club we get drinks we start dancing#THE GUY WHO I WENT OUT WITH ONCE AND WHOS OBSESS3D WITH ME BUT NOW PRETENDS I DONT EXIST IS IN THE VERY SAME CLUB AT THE SAME TIME#man#thinks get heated between me and one of these guys we just met#long story short we made out (s&m by rihanna in the background)#at like 3am we left the club and got back and i was glad to finally go to sleep BUt my friend just had to mention that she had whiskey#so we stayed up till 6am in front of our dorm building drinking and being stupid in general#ive got photos of me braiding one of the guys hair and laying on teh ground lol#so anyways#oh also one of the guys lost the fucking thingy ? they give you when youre leaving your stuff in the cloakroom or whatever#so while we were waiting for the cloakroom guy to return with his jacket he was like 'listen i lost the fucking thing#'the moment he returns with my jacket you grab it and we fucking run out of here you hear me?'#and we fucking did 💀#most importantly i got told im a good kisser that night 💯💯💯 but still all that kissing and touching did nothing for me like i said#felt bad for the guy bc he was ..... hmmmmm eager and he was fukcing trying ok so i was out there fake moaning so he doesnt feel bad lol💀
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I think my problem is that everything always comes back to danny phantom with me
#-_-#is it a problem? maybe. do i care? not really.#is it unhealthy? also maybe. am i going to talk about it? absolutely not. unless i get shitfaced drunk#which. actually might fix me a little. just to get suuuuper fucked up and talk about all my brain shit.#why i have such complicated relationships with a lot of things that i genuinely enjoy. head in hands.#i need 2 do like. a hard reset on my brain tonight. im thinking too many things in too many differen directions#i just need to lock onto ONE THING to focus on. but theres so much#iiiiis tonight a good night to eat the microwave pancakes. what do u think.#i do have work in the morning and cannot call off without leaving my coworker on a solo day. so . hmmmm maybe not#i was going 2 stream dredge again tomorrow. and then maybe after that.#who knows. i need that shit out of my freezer though so i stop looking at it
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god i wish i knew you irl lol
Ok WOW so that is like the biggest compliment ever 🥺 Maybe one day our paths will cross anon! I will probably be the one wearing red lipstick and talking a mile a minute (most likely about horses lol) 😂 I know I am *a lot* but I like to think that I'm also a lot of fun! I have a lot of very diverse random interests that people are always like WTF when they come up BUT I like to think that makes me well rounded and able to connect with a variety of people 🤣 Thank you so much for being interested in my life and how all over the place I am!! I hope you are having a lovely Wednesday and that you have a great rest of your week!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#keep it kind#ally lore#yall called it lore yesterday and it made me laugh so im sticking with it#i had a friend send me a tiktok about like how everyone has that one friend that has a ton of side quests#and she was like this is you#and i was like... you're not wrong lol#one of my most chaotic moments was being 21 and drunk in a club with some girls i had met the week before#and we found $150 round trip tickets to Paris for that weekend#so we booked them on our phones in the mens room of the club and went to Paris that weekend#mind you i live in the US#also we were in the mens room because we refused to wait in line for the ladies room#we were asked to leave shortly after hahahaha
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Tom & Harry get Tuvok drunk in an attempt to make him more fun but to their horror find out he’s a sad drunk and have to keep Janeway from realizing that he’s so so sad now (she told them not to get him drunk for this exact reason). Neelix is onto them. He’s misinterpreting their actions as being connected to the main plot in which something suspicious is afoot...
#real 'thats what T'Pel used to call me.../ because it's your nam e??' vibes#they try to get him to stay in his room but he keeps leaving#it's like the ONE time he actually WANTS toleave his room is when its the LEAST conveinent for us. Great.#They think initially his behavior is due to the situation but Janeway reveals he's literally always a sad drunk no matter what#it's why he doesn't like to drink v_v at the end of the episode she just takes him to his room like yeah yeah I gotcha buddy...#fake star trek voyager episodes my beloved#st voyager#bonus: Janeway tending to Tuvok interrupts an almost romantic moment between her and Chakotay and he stares longingly after her like damn...#that fucking guy again..............
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#like I’m sorry#I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me#and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard#and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles#but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way#and has never worried about money as a kid#and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course#but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book#like she did everything she can to understand and relate#but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone#because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am#and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping#I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind#but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child#that are impacting by daily life and interactions#and like I feel so fucking alone#and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING#I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops#I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd#especially not therapists of color#I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months#and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me#like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having#flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking#and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me#because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before#like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very#upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis#and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it??#I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary
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Sometimes I forget about the time I was almost killed by a sniper because of a fight between two other people
#domestic abuse tw#(in the tags)#it was my ex and his grandfather#his grandpa had shoved his grandma into the ground and broke her arm and shoulder while drunk as shit#my ex tackled him and got him off#but then he grabbed his rifle and we both had to run#i was about 10-12 weeks pregnant at that point and 18#i did the thing my mom told me repeatedly since i was a kid in case of a shooting#as soon as you hear a gunshot get on the ground and roll#and running in zigzags#though that's not gonna help every situation honestly#but it did save my life#we ran to a neighbor and begged them to call 911#it was going to be our only way to leave since we were out in the middle of nowhere and had nowhere else to run#and it was back before i lost all faith in the cops#but the woman who answered the door when we knocked told us no and slammed the door in our faces#we eventually had no choice but to go back because it was winter and below freezing outside#and we were both in short sleeves bc we didnt have time to grab coats#then we just had to pretend like everything was ok while his grandma had a cast on her arm#she's trapped with him under threat#she always has new injuries and broken bones#he literally will try to kill you if you don't do what he wants#and i 100% believe he has killed before#she's been trapped with him since she was 16#so nearly 50 years#what i also don't understand though#is why my ex was able to immediately see that it was wrong for his grandpa to do that#but then he put hands on me many times including while i was holding our kid#last time i saw him he sliced my pinky open with a knife because we got in an argument about him being racist#.bdo
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RIP: Me
I fhucken died to death
#every muscle in my body is screaming at me#my legs will be jello for a week#pizza brick in my tumby thank u cici pizza for the brick#tasty tasty pizza brick#imagine. being to tired to person for an entire month.#not leaving the house. not doing practically anything. just. have become one with the bed#then all in one day making phone calls filling out applications getting fucken drunked off you ass and#dancing harder than u have in ur whoel fucken life. and then--STILL DRUNK--taking a 30+min bike ride to cici pizzi#stuffing the everloving shit outta ur face#and then biking allllllllll the way home#i am dead. i have died of deading. dead deaddy deadface over here#f u c k .
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I actually had the worst day I’ve had in awhile now but i survived it
#barely#im learning to lean on the people that care about me#i even cried on my mom tonight and i hate crying in front of people 😭😭#and it’s always been hard for me in general to talk to my mom especially but I’m learning to trust her and grow from our past#all that cheese and mushy shiz yeah yeah#work was insane tn and i was not prepared at all#i almost had a meltdown too but i kept it together and that’s when I called my co worker and she saved my ass#and my other coworker was trying to help me too that was off and was literally gonna leave her house to help me 🥺🥺🥺#it was just so bad fr#and my hours switching has been a twist for me too which happened to be a factor of today#but I made shit work but it still also was a mess at the same time lmao#it was a crazy ass day and I’m just glad it’s over now#a lot of good things happened today but the bad was bad#im just glad I didn’t hold in my feelings and was also not too prideful to ask for help#im drinkin my wine and hittin my pen bc fuck the cold I’ll just be a vape god for now#that was kinda cringe but I’m drunk so don’t take me seriously besides the parts of this that are my feelings 🤣#also got a card from one of my coworkers and my boss with a Starbucks gift card 🫶🏼 I was so surprised#that mfer wrote ‘crazy lady’ on the envelope 🙃🙃🤣🤣#funniest guy I know right there lmao#we have too much fun and he only works like once a week bc he’s like 40 or 50 something with a million different jobs bc he’s the crazy one#today was a roller coaster basically 🤣🤣 but i did the shit and somehow managed to keep shit together#im just ready for the holidays to be over so work can not be super busy anymore#but i am excited for the holidays it’s gonna be amazing i think 🫶🏼 not gonna be hung up on fake love this time and will be able to enjoy it#fully#for the first time in too long#last Christmas was so bad it makes me sick thinking about it#fuck that guy so much#just realizing this was amazing wow#so hype to have a clear and free mind this holiday without our ‘relationship’ looming over me#proud of me for multiple things rn 🥹
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one thing about me is you'll find me listening to the aurora album every day
#it's called coping mechanisms look it up#i swear to god kaz vc if i could bottle up Please i'd get drunk on it every night#i'm obsessed fr fr 😭 it's bad#i. ( ooc. ) back by unpopular demand.#anyway i've called in sick from work tomorrow so expect me to be here !!#it's a false sick leave and my moral compass is not doing okay with it#capitalism got me besties. it got me good
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stop thissss stop it please god
#YOU ONLY TALK TO ME WHEN YOURE DRUNK HIGH OR HAVING RELATIONSHIP ISSUES WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND OF OVER A YEARRRRRRRRR#timothy's txts.#tw caps#LAST TIME WE TALKED YOU CALLED ME AT ONE AM MY TIME WAKING ME UP#BEFORE THAT WE HADNT TALKED FOR OVER HALF A YEAR BECAUSE YOU SAID ACE PEOPLE JUST HADNT MET THE RIGHT PERSON#you’ve already told me you liked me multiple times i’ve already told you i didn’t feel the same multiple times#the issue isn’t that he’s liked me and said it multiple times it’s that he’s never gonna leave it be he’s got a hang dog expression and#brother i am made of bones
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